#24 hours after first confessing to each other) except this time we were experiencing the whimsy of the world together

[omni-scient-pan-da]

What if we went on a walk at 2 in the morning to rediscover the beauty in the world around us and ended up on a balcony at 3:30 in the morning and remembered that joy is in the small things and we were both gay....

Jk, jk.....

Unless? 😳

[saskiahaggens]

I Bought A Private Island

Masterlist

Pairing: Karl x Reader Warnings: none Word count: 1967

//While spending a day on Jimmy's island for a video, Karl and Y/n finally confess their feelings for each other.  //

Please remember that English is not my first language, so please don't kill me.

I was supposed to take part in my first challenge. Sadly, it wasn’t meant to happen.

Jimmy offered me to take part in the last video, were we just had to scan thousands of scratch-up-tickets and now he asked me to spend twenty-four hours on the island, which he bought with the money he won.

I thought it was stupid to spend so much cash on scratch-up-tickets, on the other hand the idea of winning an entire island was enough for me to say yes.

“I honestly can not believe that you just can buy an island.”, Jimmy said when we neared the beach of said island.

The island was beautiful. The sand was almost white; the sea was crystal clear and being here kinda felt like a dream.

We loaded everything from the boat over to the island and met up with Jimmy for a part of the video.

“Do you have everything you need?”, he asked us when the camera started recording.

Everybody muttered something like a yes, and Jimmy told the boat driver to leave. Just for the content, the boys screamed at him to stay and it was kinda funny to watch, to be honest, but I just didn’t feel like screaming.

“We are going to die.”, I whispered to Tareq, which he just laughed off.

“We are now stranded on this private island for the next 24 hours and to celebrate, let’s go explore the new island, because I have no idea what I bought.”, Jimmy explained.

However, in the middle of his speech, Karl pulled me toward the almost jungle like forest on the island and the others followed us. It was refreshing to get out of the blazing sun for a little while.

“Yeah, we are in a jungle now. I thought we were on the beach.”, Chris exclaimed when we walked into the so called ‘tube’.

While we were crossing the island, Jimmy told everyone what we could expect from this island.

“Do we go left or do we go right?”, Jimmy asked when the path parted.

“Left.”, we all said at the same time.

It was staged, but it was still funny thou.

“Okay, I guess we’re going left. Bye cameramen.”, Jimmy waved while Chandler took the lead.

“Left is the good path, I was told by the native animals.”, Chandler explained, and after a few more minutes of walking, we acutely saw animals.

“There are pigs on this island?”, I asked, excited.

Except for Karl, Tareq and me, everybody knew about the pigs. We split up the first time when we got to the intersection and while they found the pigs, we noticed nothing interesting.

“If there are pigs on my island, do I own the pigs? Is that how this works?”, Jimmy asked the camera.

“Wait Chandler, what if we find an ostrich on here?”

“Than I will swim back to the mainland. Ostriches are scary.”, I mumbled.

“Did we discover one of Y/n fears?”, Jimmy laughed while Chandler looked at me, acting mad.

The pigs were really cute and while the boys tried to pet them, they apparently showed more interest in my shoes.

“Y/n is stealing all the pigs.”, Chris exclaimed offended, and pointed in my direction.

“No, I’m not. You are just boring. Look, they like Jimmy too.”, I answered, pointing to one of the pigs that sniffed on Jimmy’s leg.

Sadly, we had to leave the pigs behind. We were supposed to ‘survive’ 24 hour on an island and not patting pigs.

“This is the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never seen live pigs, like wild.”, Chris starts another conversation with Jimmy.

“I didn’t even know you could buy an island a month ago.”, Jimmy laughed at that.

“Really? I mean you can buy parts of the moon, so why not an island?”, I asked, and Jimmy’s head shot back to me.

“You can buy property on the moon?”, he asked.

“Yeah, but you aren’t able to do anything with it anyway, so it wouldn’t be interesting enough for a video.”, I explained, trying to convince him not to buy it.

After what felt like infinity, we made it to the other half of the island.

“Bro, it never ends. How much more Island is there, Jimmy? This is ridiculous.”, Karl asked what I was thinking about.

After naming the island, we headed back to the camp to get everything ready before it gets dark. Tyler built a shelter while we were exploring the island and surprisingly it looked really cool, but I still couldn’t understand why we didn’t just bought tents too. We are around fifteen people here, even if the viewers will only see us six, and except for us, everyone was sleeping in a tent.

Jimmy gave each of us tasks, because he got bored.

“Chris and Y/n you are in charge of fire, food and building structures.”

“So we do everything?”, I asked, while Chris plunged into work.

“Yes, because you two are good at everything. Karl, you’re in charge of mapping the island. That includes figuring out what animals are here, figure out what fish are around and just drawing a map.”

“He really gets into it, huh?”, I asked Chris while we collected firewood.

“When does he not?”, Chris laughed and throw a stick at me.

“Yeah, you're right. Do you know what you want to do with the island if you win it?”, I asked him, after I caught the stick.

“I don’t know. Probably sell it. I mean, it’s not like we got time to get here very much anyway.”, he shrugged.

“Sad but true. I will probably do the same or I would train the pigs.”

Chris laughed and we spend the next few hours just talking about stupid stuff and making dumb jokes, while doing our work.

A little bit later, Chandler shot a flare gun. I didn’t know if that was planed from Jimmy, but it scared the hell out of me. Chandler ran way after that and we actually didn’t saw him for some time, if one of our cameraman weren’t with him, I would be worried. Meanwhile, we build the fire because it was getting dark really quickly.

Chandler came back eventually, after stealing one of the cameras, and we ate our hot-dogs. Then we waited for it to get really dark, because the guys wanted to walk back to the cave with touches. My heartbeat was so high the whole time, because I always expected one of the guys to jump out of the dark to scare me. Karl noticed it at some point and took my hand. I was smiling lightly at him while we kept walking. I had a crush on Karl for a long time now, so it didn’t slow my heartbeat down, but I felt safer now. The two caves were actually so big that all of them kinda started to hallucinating things in the shadows, at least I hope they did.

On our way back, we got lost and hearing all the animals didn’t make it less scary.

“Well, we can’t go that way, because we heard a wildlife. That’s where we came from.”, Jimmy stared, pointing out directions.

“We heard a wildlife.”, Chris laughed, more concentrated on his touch after he almost burned himself.

“Man, I’m scared, but that was probably just one of the pigs or a mouse.”, I tried to calm the boys down a bit and smiled at Karl, who looked really worried.

This time I took his hand and gave it a little squeeze, to show him that he is not alone. We walked for a little while longer. I didn’t recognize anything, but the boys seemingly did.

“Oh, I know where we are.”, Jimmy suddenly spoke up.

“On the wrong side of the island?”, Chandler asked, disappointed.

“Yeah.”, Jimmy sighed, “We are on the north side. Our camp is on the south side.”

Nobody said anything for a few seconds. We were exhausted by now, but at least they weren’t so scared anymore.

“Alright, everyone follow me.”, Jimmy broke the silence, and we headed back. This time knowing where we were heading.

As we were walking, Chris tried to scare us, but it didn’t work, because Jimmy runed it.

“I say we end the night with some nighttime swimming?”, Jimmy asked us when we finally reached the camp.

Everybody cheered and even though we were tired, we were sweaty too and the boys didn’t gave me a choice anyway, because they just dragged me in there with them. At first, it was fun, but after a while Taylor claimed to be touched, even though no one else was around. I thought he was trying to scare us, but a few seconds later, my whole body started to burn.  

I tried not to scream, but I took a sharp breath. This and my wincing did not go unnoticed by the guys.

“Okay, something is in the water.”, somebody exclaimed. I wasn’t sure who it was, but I didn’t care anyway because of the pain.

Chris got me out of the water, because he was the closest and Karl was by my side as soon as we reached the beach.

They laid me down when we reached the ‘hut’ made by me and Chris. I didn’t catch much of what happened after that. I just felt pain for some time.

“Well, we can’t get her back until the sun rises.”, someone said, and I felt some shifting next to me.

“Is it still so bad?”, Karl asked and softly stroke a strand of hair out of my face.

They put me on my stomach when they laid me down, because most of the injuries were on my back.

I just nodded, what made my hair fall back in my face.

“At least you are responding now. Did you even notice that the paramedic treated you?”, he asked carefully.

“No, what happened anyway?”, I asked.

“We think it was a jellyfish. You weren’t responding for like ten minutes. You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Do you still think I was overreacting when I took a paramedic here?”, Jimmy asked and sat next to us.

“What ever makes you sleep at night.”

“Now that you bring it up, we should really go to sleep now.”; Tyler yelled.

Jimmy asked if I wanted to sleep in the tents with the other people, but I declined. After we build the shelter, we could use it now, anyway.

Chris and I took Karl in, while Tyler, Jimmy and Chandler took Tyler’s shelter. But as much as I tried to sleep, I couldn’t. While the pain was bearable, after I got used to it, Karl made me nervous. Normally, we wouldn’t sleep that close together or we wouldn’t sleep at all, but not this time.

“Can’t sleep?”, Karl asked after a while.

I was surprised, but turns out the snoring came from Chris and not him how I thought at first. I also wasn’t sure how he saw I was awake, yet I didn’t want to ask.

“No, not really. What about you?”, I whispered back.

“I’m too nervous.”

“Nervous? Why are you nervous? Afraid of mosquito bites?”, I laughed.

“No. I’m afraid of doing something weird.”

“Like Chris’ snoring?”

“Yeah, or this strange twitching thing, when you feel like falling.”

“Why? Do you think Chris will think you are weird?”

“Almost. I’m scared that you will think I’m weird.”

“You’re cute.”, I smiled and kissed his cheek, finally realizing his feelings.

“I like you.”, Karl smiled slightly.

“Good. Because I like you too.”

“Finally. Now get some sleep. Jimmy will kill us otherwise.”, Chris mumbled, which made Karl and I laugh.

“Night Chris. Night Karl.”, I answered softly.

“Goodnight.”, they muttered back.

[prof-zimbrane]

The Face of Love

Summary: They’ve done almost all the dating cliches in existence, they’ve been in an established relationship for a while now but there are still secrets between them. Secrets pertaining to a certain someone’s true appearance. Zim loves Professor Membrane and he’s sure that the feelings are mutual but should he risk it?

Word Count: 7443

AO3 link

Yo, here’s a Zimbrane fic for the upcoming Halloween. It’s got body horror?? I guess so read with caution. It’s nothing too bad. Believe me, I bet it’s something you won’t expect ;)

It’s my first fanfic?? ever I guess so please be gentle and if possible, give me feedback on how I can improve cuz I love this pairing and I wanna write more for them ;-;

Zim’s current love-slave has everything Zim ever wants in a partner. Professor Membrane is brilliant, tall, good with weapons, and has caused Dib more anguish and doubt than Zim could ever cause.

Zim knows and has seen what Professor Membrane can accomplish. Combined, they’d be the greatest gift to the universe in all its existence. But there is this… oddity to their relationship.

Most couples would’ve already known how the other really looked like, appearance wise (actual personalities are sometimes never revealed), at their current stage. Yet somehow, Zim has never seen his partner’s face.

Sure Zim hides his appearance, but unlike Professor Membrane, Zim is pretty sure he has a lot more to lose, given his “foreign” heritage and occupation as an invader and all.

But Professor Membrane must be human, right? Whatever horrible thing he’s hiding under his lab coat and goggles couldn’t be the worst Zim has ever seen. Zim isn’t superficial enough to stop loving someone based on their appearance, height notwithstanding, hell humans are already ugly enough to Zim yet he still decided to pursue the scientist.

Maybe Professor Membrane was scarred or disfigured? Or maybe he’s so horrifyingly ugly according to “human” standards that he has to hide it. Dib does have a rather large head after all and Gretchen’s the only one Zim knows (has been told) that seems to like Dib.

There’s nothing wrong with asking things from your partner. In fact, it would only be fair for Zim’s burning curiosity to be satisfied. If Zim wants to find out how Professor Membrane looks like, then he will find it out. He is Zim, nothing is out of the question. But is he ready for it?

He could leave things as they are and continue like normal, or he could confront Professor Membrane and find out what’s hidden underneath. But would it be too soon? They’ve done all sorts of couply things together already, according to Zim’s “dating humans” guide list he devised when learning about human affection that one dreadful time with Tiq? Taco? T something, he still misses his robot bee, Robbee never even completed his first mission, but that’s irrelevant now.

They’ve gone to an expensive eating establishment (Zim paid with Earth monies but those monies were outdated cents and quarters), they’ve watched the sun set and looked at the stars (one of Zim’s favourite moments), they’ve watched horror movies in the cinema (they were more horrified by the actions of the teens surrounding them though), and they even did a “Netflix & Chilli” (Zim still believes that the alien Jim is a loser for losing his leaders to a space anomaly).

They’ve even passed through several stages of physical affection. It started out with staring, then casual pats, they’ve even skipped straight to hugging before hand holding. They haven’t begun eating each other’s faces yet but Zim still finds it repulsive and another factor in the brutishness of stinky human courtship rituals.

Today was one of their date nights. Their plans only included dinner at Zim’s base. Though, Zim hopes that Professor Membrane will acknowledge his amazement at Zim’s awesome cooking skills and be willing to show his face once and for all.

 ---------------------

Dinner went off splendidly. Although the turkey had an unfortunate extra ingredient added to it, in the form of a dysfunctional, hyperactive robot. Professor Membrane thankfully thought of it as a pleasant surprise, meant to showcase Zim’s brilliance.

But now comes the hard part. Zim has to convince the Professor to stay for a while longer. He can do this.

Zim mustered up all his courage and held Professor Membrane’s hand as he was about to say his goodbyes.

“Wait! Stay a bit longer! I still have much to do with you!” Zim looks desperately into Professor Membrane’s shiny goggles, he HAS to find out what was underneath or else he’ll be restless for the entirety of their relationship, which would definitely affect his plans.

“What? We didn’t plan anything else for tonight though. Dib and Gaz should be fine but this is rather sudden.” Professor Membrane looks at their clasped hands and Zim’s hopeful expression.

“What is it that you want exactly? Are we going to your lab again?” He questioned.

He’s been helping Zim out with his inventions, spending a lot of hours just tinkering together in harmony. Science has always been a delight to do but with Zim, it feels like he’s experiencing it for the first time ever. He’s regained some of his wonder and childish curiosity with Zim’s input and feedback.

Anxiety was visible through Zim’s body language. He was hunched over, his eyes hurriedly shifting from left to right and back. He exhaled.

“I want to progress our relationship to the next stage,” Zim admits, “it’s just that, all we’ve done so far is hold hands and cuddle. Not that I hate it! If you ever stop then I will go to your house at night and replace your roboarms with bamboo skewers!”

Zim lets go to cross his arms and glare.

“Well, it is true that we’ve been taking it slow. I could say that part of it is my fault for being unfamiliar with this... relationship thing.” Professor Membrane muses. Is Zim dissatisfied with what they currently have?

“I’m sorry Zim, am I going too slowly for you?” he asked.

“No not at all! You satisfy me plenty. I admit that I’m also new to what we’re doing right now.” Zim quickly denied.

Professor Membrane feels relief. As a scientist, he can deal with all sorts of fields but relationships were harder to understand.

“That’s good, I treasure you and our love together. I don’t usually get to have a lab partner who’s not an employee of mine.” He confesses. He’s grown too attached.

“Great! As for the reason I am keeping you here for,” Zim paused.

He was in the right to ask for things. He shouldn’t feel worried.

 “I’m demanding that you show your face to me.” Zim said resolutely. He looked expectedly at his human.

Professor Membrane felt panic. He should’ve expected it. He didn’t think it would be now though.

“My face? There’s nothing to see! It looks quite boring underneath.” He tried to play it off.

Zim looks dejected and hurt. Professor Membrane ignored him, that hurt.

“But I don’t even know what you look like. I don’t know the colour of your eyes or the shape of your face or even if you have weird lips. How can I be sure that you’re not a new person every time we meet? Are you even the original Membrane that I confessed to? You’re not another weird clone right?” Zim accused. Starting a chain of repeated lines.

“I’m not…” Professor Membrane answered.

“Are you?”

“I’m not…”

“Are you?!”

“I’m not...”

“Are you?!!”

He had enough. While he may love Zim, he doesn’t enjoy this continuous back and forth, even if it is somewhat cute.

“ZIM!” he shouted, “I swear by my 24 degrees that I’m not a clone. I’m the only original Professor Membrane in this reality.”

“Then why are you hiding your face from me? Don’t worry! I don’t mind if you look hideous. Just show me your trust.” He tried to look harmless but inside, Zim is worried that he’s asking for too much. Something is telling him to trust Professor Membrane in return.

Professor Membrane remained silent for a while. He’s debating internally over whether he should show Zim his face.

But eventually he relented to Zim’s request.

“Alright, I’ll show you but do you have somewhere else where we could do this? Your kitchen-lavatory room is not what I have in mind for sharing personal secrets”

They looked around. Gir, still in the turkey, was taking care of his many pig friends. The camera Dib installed is still visibly there, recording their conversation. Zim should remind the Computer to disable it or have it record a non-stop footage of Floopsy Bloops Schmoopsy.

“Urghh, I guess it’s fine.” Zim groans out. “Join me in my basement.”

He leads Professor Membrane by the hands through a closet that goes underground. It was different from the other places of Zim’s underground level. Here is where he kept his more Earth friendly technology.

It looks somewhat similar to Professor Membrane’s own lab in his basement, except with what appears to be a waiting area, with a sofa, a soda vending machine and a receptionist desk. But the only life there were bundled in the cobwebs of the receptionist’s chair. The receptionist is apparently out for smoke break.

They settled on the comfortable purple sofa. Anticipation was in the air.

“Well? Show Zim the goods!” Zim holds out his arms in a ‘gimme’ gesture. He can’t wait to see what all the fuss is about.

Professor Membrane takes off his goggles first to reveal his eyes. His fingers then undid the upper half of his lab coat to reveal the bottom half of his face. Underneath his lab coat he wore a tight, black turtle neck.

It’s not what Zim expected. He was shocked. His previous expectations were crushed like humans should be underneath his boot.

There’s nothing wrong. Professor Membrane’s face looks like any other humans. If Zim were human, he’d even consider Professor Membrane’s face to be ridiculously good-looking, even by celebrity standards. But Zim wasn’t a human so, to him Professor Membrane’s face was as ugly as all the rest of the human species.

Even Professor Membrane’s eyes are nothing extraordinary, except for the glowing blue light that the irises emit and the pupils that expanded and contracted like camera shutters.

Zim actually found himself feeling slightly disappointment, since there was nothing special to look at.

“Is that all you have hidden there? Why even bother wearing your coat and goggles so conservatively?” Zim says annoyingly.

“That’s just my fashion sense.” Professor Membrane says chipperly.

He laughed disconcertingly, a drawn out “Ha ha ha,” as if he were watching a comedian embarrass himself instead of delivering actual jokes.

He’s trying to placate Zim. Professor Membrane was acting strange. His lips seem to be delayed by a couple of nanoseconds when he speaks. If it weren’t for the many modifications Irkens had to endure, Zim never would have noticed.

“Your eyes are different though. They’re not brown like the eyes of the Dib-beast or the little Gaz-monster.” Zim is judging Professor Membrane.

Zim’s nicknames for his kids were odd but somehow, they sounded charming to the Professor.

“I had them replaced when my vision was failing, you know how humans are with all the limitations of biology.” He hand waved his difference away. Zim is still not satisfied.

“Let me see them closer.”

Zim leaned on Professor Membrane. He’s holding Professor Membrane’s face in his palms as he stared deep into his human’s eyes. Zim always thought that human eyes were freaky, with their milky white sclera. But Professor Membrane’s eyes were pretty. He had long lashes and the electric blue glow they emitted reminded Zim of Tallest Miyuki’s calm gaze that captivated the hearts of her people.

Zim observed the rest of his face, Professor Membrane’s nose looked regal and fit him perfectly. Zim also notes that his features were perfectly symmetrical, another contributing factor in human attractiveness, although this time it also extended to Irken beauty standards. Finally, there was something both races had in common.

Before he realized it, his gaze then went down to the scientist’s lips. They looked soft and had a perfect curve to them. But they were pressed tight, stiff and unmoving.

He was removed out of his stupor when Professor Membrane uttered a word, Zim’s name, from his perfectly shaped lips. Such perfection was otherworldly, it shouldn’t exist. There weren’t any blemishes or other hideous imperfections on his skin either.

“Zim? Zim! While I do find your attention flattering, don’t you think you’re too close?” Professor Membrane said in a hitched voice.

Professor Membrane’s eyes revealed his current emotions more than the rest of his face. Despite the nervous tone, his face remained stoic, his wide-blown, erratic pupils betrayed him instead.

Zim hadn’t realized, but he’s moved so close that he was kneeling on top of Professor Membrane. They’ve cuddled before, it’s true, but never this close, and never face-to-face with Professor Membrane’s exposed, hypnotic eyes.

It was the first time Zim didn’t feel revulsion at seeing a human. His past self would’ve spitted at him and called him a filthy xenophile for feeling whatever this is. But Zim putting himself before his empire was nothing new, although it still hurt him to acknowledge it.

“You’re actually not too hideous. I am pleased.” Zim tried to sound dismissive, but it’s clear that he is affected by his lover’s appearance.

“I’m glad my face pleases you then, my celestial lover.” Professor Membrane said warmly.

His expression was light. A smile graced his lips. That made something flutter in Zim’s innards.

But he began feeling another rare feeling, guilt. What is it with all these feelings now?? Zim is too great to be bothered by that. Yet, should he reveal his actual face? Would he be dissected or worse vivisected if he did? He doesn’t want to live out the rest of his life stuck in a tube. His partner was related to Dib after all and his passion for science is, at times, obsessive.

Zim was distracted from his worries by a sudden pressure on his lips. They were soft. His love was kissing him. That was Zim’s first kiss. Not just Zim’s first kiss on the lips but first kiss in general, and it had to be lip-to-lip.

Before he could respond to Professor Membrane’s actions, the Professor drew back with a sheepish expression.

“I’m sorry Zim, I didn’t mean to kiss you like that.” He mumbled.

Professor Membrane’s arms, which were previously stuck to his side, lifted to caress Zim’s head.

“I couldn’t help myself, you’re really cute Zim. Was it too soon?” He asked.

“No it’s fine. I liked it. I liked it a lot.” Zim felt dizzy. He was embarrassed to admit it to himself, but it was the truth.

“There won’t be any cannibalism though right?” asked Zim. Worry appeared on his face again but more exaggerated than before.

“What if there was, what if I admit that I want to eat you up?” Professor Membrane said teasingly. He’s amused by his love’s thinking.

“If anyone does the eating it would be Zim!” he exclaimed. “My love-pig is no match for my razor sharp teeth.”

Zim shows off his pink, zipper teeth. Another odd thing about Zim that captivates the curious mind of the Professor.

“Perhaps, we should test it out with a little experiment?” Professor Membrane’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

“What kind of experiment?” Zim questioned.

“An experiment where we find out who’ll consume the other first.” He challenged Zim.

“It will definitely be me.” Zim grinned, showing off his teeth again.

This time, it was Zim who acted first. He pressed his lips tight against his human’s. Zim’s antenna tingled underneath his wig, if he hadn’t stuck it tightly with adhesives before, they would’ve sprung free from their confinement, he’s learnt his lessons during Earth’s many challenges.

Professor Membrane held Zim tighter towards his body. As if he never wants to let go, as if he’s afraid of losing Zim.

Zim’s hands were still occupied with exploring every inch of Professor Membrane’s face. He wants to burn his love's features into his hands, forever imprinting their impressions into his memory.

But, during Zim’s explorations, he began noticing a long depression near the outer reaches of Professor Membrane’s face. It wouldn’t have been noticeable, if Zim hadn’t been an Irken. Irkens had really sensitive skin, that’s why they cover themselves up so much.

He paused his kissing to get a better feel for Professor Membrane’s face. The depression circled the outer cheeks, over the eyebrows and seemingly ended between Professor Membrane’s upper and lower lip on both sides.

“My love? What are you doing?” Professor Membrane stuttered out. Yet, Zim’s previous observations about the stoicism of his features seemed sprung out more than ever.

“There is something you’re keeping from me. I can sense it beneath my fingers!” Zim accused Professor Membrane.

He stood up from his previous position to pace around the room, never taking his eyes of his lover. Zim moved like an interrogator in a prison. He won’t stand any lies.

If Professor Membrane could emote more, he’d have despair written all over his face. His right hand began covering the bottom part of face, in a nervous gesture.

“Zim, my love, there’s nothing wrong. Come back to my arms. Whatever you felt must have been due to your unfamiliarity with my face.”

Still seated, he leans towards Zim with his arms spread out.

“Oh no! Don’t lie to me! I know what I’ve felt, I’ve seen how you move your lips. Why don’t you trust me?!” Zim recoils.

Zim’s never trusted anyone before but he expects trust from them. Zim has always believed himself to be a genuine person, sans his human disguise, and to have his character or actions questioned really pissed him off.

“You’re right Zim,” he relented “I am hiding something. I’ve only shown this to a few of the people I know, and it’s always ended in them disappearing. Not even Gaz or Dib have seen me without this.”

There’s something chilling about the way Professor Membrane says it. It was like Zim stepped on an old landmine, waiting to see if it’ll end in a disaster or not. He’s not sure about what Professor Membrane meant by disappearing but he doesn’t want to question it. As a part of the Irken Elite and as an Irken soldier, he can face anything.

“Don’t worry, whatever secrets you hold won’t be enough to scare me away. I love you, I’ve never loved anyone before.” Zim’s voice was soft, remarkably different from his usual screeching.

How many times has he said those words? Aside from his first sentence towards the only parental unit Zim ever knew, he’s only said it to Professor Membrane.

Again, Zim is doing something uncharacteristic. Was he trying to ease Professor Membrane’s discomfort with this entire thing? Trying to convince himself to be brave? Or was it just love that made Zim say that. Could a human really make Zim question himself that way? What kind of person is Professor Membrane to hold this much power over Zim’s heart.

“Please, don’t look away.” Professor Membrane pleaded.

He walked towards Zim, the height difference more noticeable now that they’re standing in front of each other. But that difference disappeared though, when Professor Membrane kneeled in front of Zim.

It was like one of those Earth movies that Zim watches, where one of the members of a couple kneel down to ask for a union. But instead of reaching into a pocket for a small rock, Professor Membrane reached for the sides of his face.

Slowly, he revealed what’s hidden underneath. Zim was right. Professor Membrane was disfigured. What he didn’t expect was the severity of the disfigurement.

In all of Zim’s time on Earth, with his countless research on human biology, he’s never sliced off anyone’s face. But even then, it wouldn’t have looked like Professor Membrane’s current features. His face was a prosthetic.

He has no face, no barrier protecting his passageways from the outside world. The only remaining parts of Professor Membrane’s face were his lower jaw, his temples, and his eyes.

Looking closer, Zim could see that the glow of his eyes was concentrated on the front part, the only part that is visible with Professor Membrane’s face prosthetic. The other half was encased in metal, connected to his organic parts with wires.

It was fascinating actually, seeing the mucosal tissues of a human. There was so much pink, pink like the lifeblood that flows through every Irken’s veins. His tongue was resting on top of his lower jaw, it was weird seeing it disappear as it nears the throat, going down the oesophagus.

Zim could also see a marriage between the organic and mechanic, as metallic parts are there to support and cover some of the exposed meat. Where there should be the nasal passage, was an artificial tube.

The edges featured tiny magnets, probably to hold Professor Membrane’s faceplate. Zim has seen much in his lifetime. He’s seen how cybernetics could replace almost anything but it was always visible if something is unnatural. Yet, Professor Membrane’s face, or at least his prosthetic, was good enough to fool Zim.

It was better than a hologram, that only mimics and changes appearances visually. It was something turned physical. Zim should feel disgusted, but instead he was more amazing than Zim could ever imagine.

The Professor’s technology was even more intertwined with his biology than Irken technology is with Irken bodies. While almost everything is genetically enhanced or modified, the mechanical aspect of Irken’s only constitutes their Pak, which is located outside of their bodies, attached to their spine.

“Love, speak. Do I scare you?” When he talked, his voice projected out from his throat. He had a voice box implanted. His tongue and lower jaw aren’t enough to make the appropriate vocalizations.

It was at that moment that Professor Membrane tried to cover up his gruesome anatomy with his faceplate but Zim stopped him. Before he could attach his face back on, Zim snatched his prosthetic.

Zim says in a low tone, or as low as he could try, he still sounds loud.

“No, you don’t scare me. Your current appearance doesn’t even disgust me. Instead, you intrigue me. I’ve never seen a human like you before.”

“In fact! Everyone else is disgusting compared to you.” He said louder, almost giddy-like.

“You’re brilliant! A genius worthy of Zim even! You merge technology so wonderfully, I want to see more!” There was audible excitement when Zim spoke.

“Zim, you don’t have to attack me with compliments. Is that really what you think?” Professor Membrane whispers, it’s hard to talk without his prosthetic. He uses a voice box but the movement of his artificial lip over his real lip was enough to make him believe that he is producing sound the natural way. It hurts.

Zim is studying the face prosthetic Professor Membrane designed. It was animatronic. The movement was controlled with nanotubes and circuitry connecting to small motors. If Zim wasn’t concerned about offending Professor Membrane, he’d rush to his underground labs to study it.

He feels a surge of affection, this is his human, no one else’s but Zim’s. Even other aliens don’t compare to his partner. Some were even too stupid to be alive, but somehow they live.

“Don’t be foolish, foolishness doesn’t suit you. You know that I adore you.” Never has Zim uttered something so soft before.

“I love you for your mind,” he kisses his lover’s forehead, “your strength,” he kisses his lover’s robo arms, “your height,” he kisses the hair scythe, “and everything else about you.” he leaves a big kiss on Professor Membrane’s prosthetic and Professor Membrane’s lower jaw.

Professor Membrane was stunned, his lower jaw dropped down and his electronic eyes emitted an even brighter glow. Zim hands Professor Membrane the prosthetic.

“Now cover up your holes before the germs invade you. I will not be having my lover be sick due to some pathetic Earth virus.” Zim looks at his lover. If he could, he would kiss the Professor’s soul, so only Zim would remain in the scientist’s heart.

Professor Membrane, places his face plate on with a ‘click.’ He lifts Zim up in his arms as he stands from his kneeling position. Zim shrieked as his feet lost contact with the ground.

“I was right to love you, Zim!” The Professor was gleeful.

“You’d be stupid if you rejected me.” Zim’s smugness at being loved reached an all-time high.

Professor Membrane twirled Zim above his head and hugged him close.

“You remember how I said that I never showed this to my children?” Professor Membrane hummed into Zim’s wig.

“Yes?”

“Please don’t tell them.” The Professor begged. His request surprised Zim.

“The Dib really doesn’t know? Wonderful! You have nothing to fear! I’ll keep your secret. You must really love Zim then!” Zim laughed maniacally.

Zim was so euphoric, his legs were moving back and forth.

“I’m glad I showed this side of mine to you. I like to imagine that, if I had an actual face, it would look similar to my prosthetic.” The current richest inventor and researcher on Earth sounded defeated.

The feeling returned. The feeling called guilt. Here he is, in the arms of his lover. His lover who doesn’t even know that Zim is from an entirely different race, sent to conquer his beloved Earth. It was a heavy feeling.

Is Zim actually empathizing with this human? He feels wrong, dirty, for taking advantage of someone like Professor Membrane. It was like he was spitting at the Professor’s intelligence.

There is no turning back from this relationship. At least, no way of turning back on his love. If Zim were to break things off, or just disappear, he’d end up with a broken heart. He still doesn’t know why it would hurt but just the thought makes his squeedilyspooch twist in angst.

He wants to continue whatever this is. He wants to feel light, feel acknowledged, feel loved. But if this really were mutual, then Zim would have to reveal his Irken self and be exposed as the enemy he is.

The Professor is still holding Zim up. He seemed content having Zim in his arms. Cuddling and nuzzling him. This is a comfort unmatched by any other.

Zim doesn’t want this to end, he’s ruined almost everything else good in his life. The Tallest haven’t contacted him in ages and the Massive and Irken fleets still remain missing. It’s lonely being the only Irken on Earth. Every other Irken is fleeing from the colonies they’ve conquered.

If Zim were to meet his demise, then he wouldn’t mind it being at the hands of his love, his equal. He breaks out of his lover’s grasp. He knows what to do.

“With all these secrets we’re sharing with each other, I believe that it is only fair for you to cast your eyes on my amazing self!” Zim acts confident, he can do confident, he can be cocky about his real looks. After all, he is handsome in all ways except height.

“Yes Zim, you are an amazing specimen.” The Professor looks at Zim fondly.

“You don’t get it! Focus more on my actual features. I know this disguise is amazing but you, as Zim’s equal should be able to tell where I differ from the rest!” Zim said angrily.

“Ok? Well, you have no visible nose or ears, you’re green and you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.” His eyebrow lifted up in confusion as he spoke.

“Yes, yes I know my attractiveness is intimidating. But do you think I’m too attractive? Out of this world even?” Zim expects him to say the truth. The full truth. He’s not sure if he’s ready to be the one to confess things.

“You’re the only I know who looks like you.” Professor Membrane doesn’t know what else to say.

“Don’t you think it’s strange? The Dib always accuses me of being an alien.” Zim is stalling. He hopes that the Professor will find out on his own, so Zim wouldn’t have to admit it.

“I know my son is a handful, I’ll tell him to be more considerate of your skin condition.” The Professor said, exasperatingly, he doesn’t know what to do about his son.

If Professor Membrane thinks that that is what Zim is asking for then he really needs to join a reading the atmosphere class. Professor Membrane can be really blind at times.

“NO! The Dib-beast is right! I’m an alien! I’ve always been an alien. I come from the planet Irk. What you saw a few months earlier was real.” Zim said it. He can’t wait for Professor Membrane to find out his identity, it might take decades.

He takes off his contacts, his wig, and his goatee and threw them to the ground.

“I’m the alien you fought that day!” Zim points to himself.

“Look at my pink solid eyes, look at these antenna. Don’t you think I’m an alien?” He becomes more frustrated as he pointed out each strange thing about himself.

“Oh Zim, don’t worry about your appearance, I’ll always find you attractive. Your eyes are lovely by the way. You don’t have to call yourself an alien.” Professor Membrane still refuses to see what’s right in front of him.

Zim tugs off his gloves and boots.

“I have three fingers! I have two toes! Is it getting into your brain yet? I’m an alien.” Does the Professor want Zim to degrade himself further? Should he perform a little song and dance to the tune of the Irken Empires anthem?

“Those things could be congenital defects. I’m glad you’re comfortable enough with me to share your insecurities.” Professor Membrane’s attempts at being understanding are pathetic.

“Unless, you’re doing this because you hope to scare me off?” His voice takes on a worried tone, completely unwarranted in Zim’s opinion.

“You stupid, dumb, idiotic human!” Zim screams out.

Zim removes his shirt. He never intended to turn this into a sort of striptease, a term he learnt from a drunk guy who decided to ‘put on a show’ for more booze monies. Zim is glad that Gir dunked him in molten butter and popcorn because that display really disgusted him.

He drags the Professor down to have a seat on the floor and positions his Pak towards Professor Membrane. He also extends one of his spider legs. Hopefully, this will be enough to convince him of his extraterrestrial origins.

“Look at my Pak! Touch it with your robo hands! What you’re looking at is high quality Irken technology.” Zim is tired.

Professor Membrane is transfixed. He’s never seen something like this before. The Pak wasn’t stuck on superficially, it actually goes into Zim’s back. Studying it for a while, he realizes that it’s not made from materials found on Earth and it’s more advanced than anything he knows, something that shouldn’t be possible.

“I am a member of the Irken race. An intergalactic race who’s currently trying to take over the universe. I am an invader brought to Earth to take it over for Operation Doom II.

We modified ourselves biomechanically to be the ultimate species. The Pak you’re studying right now is where the entirety of Irken history and knowledge is contained. It is better than your human brains and computers. It holds my personality, my tools and my intelligence.” Zim explains.

“It holds all that information? You know the entire history of your race?” Asked an astonished Membrane.

“Several thousands of years of knowledge and more, regarding some other races and planets.” Zim didn’t think that Professor Membrane would focus on that, he thought he’d be held up on this conquering Earth thing he spewed out.

“Can you take up more information in your Pak?” The inquiries were calm, rational. As if Professor Membrane was doing a survey.

“Our Paks were designed to hold at least 1 billion years of storage.” That is a fact that still makes Zim proud of being an Irken, not many races can brag about having so much storage space.

In the scheme of things, 1 billion years is nothing compared to the expected lifespan of the universe, but it is more than enough for effervescent species like humans and Irkens.

Professor Membrane does the unexpected once again, he hugged Zim fiercely, ecstatically. Zim looked behind him, the stoicism of his prosthetic is nowhere to be found, an absurdly large grin was present on his face.

Was this a trap? His grin reminded Zim of the times Dib would smile before doing something horrible to Zim or before promising to do something horrible. That manic glint in Professor Membrane’s cyber eyes was heightened with the rapid closing and opening of his shutters, like a camera taking pictures.

Zim expected shock, Zim expected denial, Zim expected hatred or even understanding if things were more positive. But this elated expression on his lover’s face was something Zim did not expect. It was like he actually got the twelve cases of Uranium-38 from Santa on Christmas.

“Thank you Zim, I believe you. Without you I would’ve never had this chance.” Professor Membrane finally spoke out.

“What?” Zim asked.

“You’re amazing, Zim. Special. I’ll never regret meeting you.” The Professor was stroking his antenna in an overly possessive manner. This aggressive petting was something Professor Membrane never did. If Zim had any sensation on his one special, not defective, antenna, he’d be blushing from head to toe.

This really makes Zim wonder if Professor Membrane is planning to study his insides and dump him in a laboratory to be studied. But this time, Zim is prepared. He’ll face all sorts of tests, as long as he can stay by the Professor’s side.

This sort of devotion was only ever reserved for the Tallest though but they’re gone, possibly forever and the only leader Zim wants to have is Professor Membrane.

“Love-pig, I give you permission to use my body in whatever way you want.”

Zim accepted his fate, he willingly gives himself up for experimentation. He tries to break free from Professor Membrane’s vice grip to face him. It’s hard to have this discussion with his back against Professor Membrane’s chest.

The Professor paused his ministrations. Zim feels a sudden spike in Professor Membrane’s heartbeat and temperature.

“Zim, what do you think I’ll be doing with you?” The Professor is bashful. He doesn’t want any more misunderstandings between them.

“Aren’t you going to strap me on a table and use your various tools on me?” Zim was puzzled.

Professor Membrane still looks at Zim confusedly.

“I’ll let you cut me up but I’ll tell you where it’s safe to cut open because I still enjoy living and I expect to remain alive in your care until you can’t learn anything more from me. But don’t think it’ll be a short study! I am much more knowledgeable than you. I know more… knowledge!! than you. Things you humans can’t even begin to imagine!” He made his peace.

“Oh. NO! No Zim. I would never experiment on you like that!”

Professor Membrane’s outcry was unexpected.

“You’re more than anything I could ever dream of. You’re the answer to my loneliness.”

Was that it? Was Professor Membrane simply impressed with Zim’s true self? Was he in awe of Zim? The Professor might have reacted the same way if he met any other Irkens but it doesn’t matter to Zim. It is Zim Professor Membrane is reacting to, and not anyone else.

“Yup! Zim is the best! Too bad you’re a pitiful human and not a superior Irken.” Zim is back to his confident self.

“Let me apologize Zim. Please forgive me. I know you told me to trust you, but I haven’t been completely truthful.”

The Professor shrinks into himself, he’s ashamed.

Zim is more surprised. What else could Professor Membrane be hiding? Is it something on his body? While Zim was shirtless, gloveless and bootless, Professor Membrane still has his full coat on, only with the upper part undone. It’s not fair.

“I guess I should reveal my full self as well.”

He removes his face plate again, but instead of seeing the insides of a human head, there’s a hole. A black hole. Dark in colour. Not even his eyes remained.

Zim looks in. He sees everything and nothing, he sees the beginning and the end of humanity. He’s experiencing bliss but agony as well. There is so much information being downloaded in Zim’s Pak that it’s whirring frantically, trying to compile and organize everything. It was a sight he’s never seen before. He doesn’t even know what he’s looking at to be honest.

It’s addicting. He watches the smooth black void swirl with light splotches of what appears to be stars. There are nuclear fissions happening. It was like Professor Membrane contained a small galaxy on his face, with a black hole as its centre.

If Zim were sane he’d have lost his sanity but all he could feel is delight instead of horror. His scientific side is curious, he wants to know what, why, how it’s even possible.

Zim knows he should feel terrified. He’s dealing with something other, something inhuman. Professor Membrane is no ordinary being. He is like one of those Lovecraftian gods that humans make fiction of.

“Can I touch it?” He can’t call it a face, it held too much to be a face.

“Yes, but be careful,” Professor Membrane’s voice emitted from the void.

Zim briefly wonders what happened to the modifications Professor Membrane made. He hopes they’re not gone forever, it’s another part of his lover that Zim has learnt to cherish already.

Zim reaches for Professor Membrane’s actual ‘face,’ his hand gets sucked in. Terror filled Zim as he struggles. He’s afraid he’s being sucked in to be consumed by the void. Maybe Professor Membrane will consume him after all?

Before he can be pulled towards the centre of the hole, arms surround him and he is being held in place. Today is not the day Zim dies.

“Zim! I told you to be careful!” that voice appeared again. The voice of Zim’s daydreams and fantasies. Professor Membrane is still with him. Zim forgot for a moment.

“Hah! Don’t be silly my love! Nothing can beat the Almighty Zim!!!” He’s come down from whatever kept his mind in the clouds.

While being fastened by Professor Membrane, Zim decides to reach his arm out. Self-perseverance is a trait that Zim possesses but sometimes, he just wants to act out his impulses.

He feels something squishy and wet. Zim grabbed whatever that was. When he retracted his hand, he discovers that he’s holding onto a baby octopus. He puts it back in to grab something else. A teacup filled with hot tea. Typical. This time he doesn’t put his hand back in, giving the tea to Professor Membrane.

“What’s all that inside you?” Zim asks, he shrugs off the weirdness, it’s an ordinary Tuesday for him. A turbulent Tuesday but still a Tuesday.

“The combined knowledge of mankind.” It’s uncanny hearing Professor Membrane’s voice.

“What are you anyways?” If his lover isn’t a human, then Zim could gleefully continue their relationship without feeling too much guilt.

“I still like to consider myself as a human.” That dashes Zim’s hopes but considering Professor Membrane’s credentials, he’s still proud of being able to call himself Professor Membrane’s lover.

“But a human who’s been in existence as long as mankind has been. I don’t remember my origin, if I were to imagine myself as a child, it would be how I currently am, only smaller.” It was hard for Professor Membrane to admit that he’s forgotten important parts of himself.

“Irkens are only alive for a millennia of your human time.” It hurts Zim to realize this.

He always expected that he’d outlive his partner when the time comes but it might actually be the other way around. He doesn’t want to think more on it. He wants to move away from that topic.

“Is Professor your real name?” Zim has found out that Professor is a title, like Frylord or Invader or even Tallest is. So he was confused when looking at Professor Membrane’s documents to see that Professor is written as his first name.

“I’ve been called many things throughout my existence but the name that sticks out the most is Thoth.” Professor Membrane reflects back. That was something he can remember.

“Anyways, I want to discover more and your existence made me realize that mankind has restrained my full potential.” The Professor said.

Delight fills Zim. Is Professor Membrane willing to turn his back on humanity?

“With you telling me about your extraterrestrial origin, I was able to find proof of the existence of life in other worlds. The probability always existed but I never had any concrete evidence.

And the knowledge humans collected on space is so insufficient that they don’t really tell anything. Other information, like what Dib usually talks about, can be easily considered as hoaxes, quick to exit the minds of the populace.” He continued saying.

Every dismayed admittance of the inadequacy of humans and their discoveries makes Zim happier and happier.

“There are still many things to discover, that’s why I became a scientist, mankind’s knowledge is limited and information found can easily be lost forever.” Professor Membrane concluded his little speech.

Humans really are pitiful. Zim wished he could have landed on Earth ages ago, to forge a path for faster development. Hmm. Maybe he should consider doing it now, with Professor Membrane by his side.

“You’re not keeping anymore secrets from me are you?” To count, Zim has been shocked an entirety of three times in the span of this date. He checked the time with his Pak. Two and half hours have passed. This makes for a surprise every 50 minutes.

“No more secrets, my love.” Professor Membrane places his prosthetic back on his face. Zim sees the moment the void disappears and dissipates to turn back into the fleshy opening.

“We both showed our true faces to each other.” Zim said. His trust in the Professor is absolute. They’ll never have to hide themselves ever again in each other’s presence.

“We did. I’m glad we did. Thank you Zim.” The voice came out of Professor Membrane’s mouth, where voices are supposed to come out from.

Inspecting Professor Membrane’s face prosthetic, Zim acknowledges that he loves all of Professor Membrane’s faces. His kissable lips opened to say something. Zim wants to punch himself for thinking that way.

“You’re the only one to survive seeing my true self. Everyone else died from brain hemorrhaging or lost their minds to never recover.” He said nonchalantly.

“Good! Give Zim all the praise!” Zim takes any chance he can get to be praised. “And all the kisses!! Those were nice.” Professor Membrane delivers a quick peck on the lips.

“You deserve all the kisses from me,” Professor Membrane agrees, “I had a wonderful date.”

A realization hit Zim. Date night still didn’t end. And when date night continued after dinner, it usually meant that they would be spending time tinkering and working on one thing or another.

“Let’s work on making your prosthetic move smoother. I have just the right Irken tech to show you in my other working area. You’ll love it.

I modified it of course to make it less stupid but it should give you a fully functional ugly human face with feelings. It’ll hide your beautiful insides unfortunately but that’s living on Earth for people like us.” Zim rambled on, already thinking up of different things to do.

“Does it look anything like your disguise?” Professor Membrane loves Zim but a fake goatee, a wig and contacts don’t make for a good disguise, he confessed to himself.

Oh dear. Dib was right. Zim’s disguise was bad. Dib was also right about Zim being an alien. Professor Membrane promises to himself that he’ll believe his son more from now on.

“What? Unfortunately no! All the other disguises hid way too much of my handsomeness and it would be a disservice to everyone for me to hide it!”

Zim went on a tirade, “The Earth will be even more MORE sadder and uglier if I looked exactly like you humans. Gross. Be happy you get to see my full handsomeness in my true Irken self. There are many who don’t get the opportunity that you have.”

Zim gestures to himself. He’s still half-dressed. Professor Membrane hands Zim the rest of his outfit before things turn awkward. After dressing quickly, Zim once more is leading Professor Membrane by the hands into his labs, the cooler ones with all the alien tech.

‘Zim, never change, my lover from the stars.’ Professor Membrane thinks to himself fondly, as he is being led away. His various faces may not allow for much expression but he is smiling internally, full of love.

[mypinkchapter]

2 down.

I don't think it would come as a shock to anyone that knows me for me to confess how much I love school. I don't think many teachers choose to walk back into public education as their profession if they don't love school or have a love for learning. My love of learning led me through K-12, a Bachelor's degree, into my own classroom to teach, & to a Master's degree that I finished in the previous school year. This past school year it was all I could do to think about what comes next in terms of my next step in learning... do I want to pursue my Specialist degree? Do I want to consider starting my National Boards? Do I want to use my Master's degree & step out into the world of school administration/leadership? I mean, school & learning was just about at the center of everything I was focused upon. Little did I know what kind of school & learning that my life was leading into.

One of our sweet pastors spoke with me on the phone the other day to check in on me & pray with me. Our conversation mostly centered around suffering. He talked about how in America today, many just don't really have the concept of what suffering looks like or feels like. Of course, many Americans do know & have been through the trenches, but there are so many others that just don't get it. He told me that what I was experiencing with this journey was putting me through the schooling of suffering. It was as though everything that I had wondered about & yearned for over this past year suddenly made sense. My tests ahead weren't going to be given by Praxis or an online professor; my school & learning had to take on a new face for this particular season of life. What a sweet moment of clarity & reminding that the Lord will take care of my next steps.

Learning to suffer is not always pretty. It has not come in a neatly wrapped package with a pretty pink breast cancer awareness ribbon on top. But it is necessary & important that when we face trials, that we remember the purpose. Philippians 1:12 was my memory verse for last week in the new summer Bible study I'm working through & I have found it to be such a comfort to dwell upon. "Now I want you to know, brothers & sisters, that what has happened to me has actually advanced the gospel."

Suffering & trials will inevitably come. Suffering is tangible evidence or proof of how the Lord can & will work in us & through us. During my Bible study this week, that truth was made known. She talked about how with the most precious & beautiful fine china, for instance, that it is burned the longest in order to reach its peak beauty. She quoted James 1:12, with the beginning of it reading, "A man who endures trials is blessed." Also in John 16:33, it states, "I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world." Choosing to embrace the fact that suffering has or eventually will come our way, certainly makes it feel (& hopefully look) a lot less like suffering.

I have officially crossed the threshold of the infusion room as a chemo patient - twice now actually. Two out of sixteen rounds of chemo medications have circulated through. My first four rounds are said to be the tough rounds, the ones where I will likely have more side effects. Hooray for being halfway through those rounds! I am so grateful to say that my side effects have been manageable thus far. Unlike many chemo patients whose side effects occur about 3-4 days after, mine have hit within 3-4 hours & lasts about 2-3 days. I have dealt mainly with extreme fatigue. Unpleasant, yet doable. It takes its toll for a few days & then suddenly, I feel human-like again. I go from basically zombie mode to suddenly back to my normal self; it's kind of crazy honestly!

One of the major side effects of this chemo drug is the hair loss. Patients do not keep hair when receiving this drug... thus I have tried to challenge that with the cooling cap. Typically one sheds their hair actually on day 17-20ish, which is  after their second round that occurs on day 14. Had I typed this all earlier in the week, I would have talked about how great & relatively normal my hair had been. Allow me to explain a little more into the cooling cap before I dive into the last 24 hours with my hair.

With this cooling cap I have to follow very strict instructions, such as:

Wash only twice a week -- yes, twice a WEEK!

No hot water when washing & no shower stream hitting your scalp -- use cups of cold water to wash

No brushing except when in the shower (on the two days I wash) with a wide-toothed comb

No products can be used

No styling tools can be used

No tight ponytails or my go-to style of a bun -- use only scrunchies (which makes me feel like I'm back in the 90′s or trying to be "cool" like the teens today wearing their scrunchies... lol) for a loose, low ponytail

Essentially: embrace all natural (or wild woman, in my case) hair

So, yesterday was my day 20 & my hair let me know real quick... I woke up with two mats in my hair. Matty, ratty, tragic messes on each side of my head. I thought to myself how thankful I was that it was wash day! Well, wash day resulted in me not realizing how bad they really were & sitting on the side of the tub for a half hour while my dear husband had to pick out each one, basically one strand at a time. It was UGLY on the bathtub floor -- hair everywhere, so, so much hair. By evening, I developed yet another mat. By that point, we had figured out that because I was losing so much hair, it was tangling around the strands left on my head. So again, my husband patiently picked out gobs of hair & brushed it all back out while I sat & shed a tear or two. We estimate that I have lost around 30% of my total hair as of current. I woke up this morning with very little loss overnight, so I do still have hair & honestly lots of it, even after the traumatic hair day yesterday. It took having a "bad hair day" to a new level!

You know, hair is just hair at the end of the day... my husband still loves me with my wild, natural hair all over the place or he would love me with a bald head. My daughter would still love me. I know I would still be loved with no hair. I'm not so vain that I just have to keep my hair. It's simply that sliver of normalcy that is so sweet to hang on to, that allows me to be out in public without drawing attention to myself. Should we continue with crazy shedding & it all comes out, well then it does. It's just been a fun little part of this journey to try & cold cap to see what happens; it's been like an added extra-credit bonus problem on this test I'm taking. If it works out, woo-hoo! But if it doesn't, I'm still going to pass this test! So hopefully I will get to continue wearing that goofy cap & looking like a weirdo in the infusion room... we'll just see what my wild hair decides to do. 

Disclaimer: If you see me out in public & I have still have hair on my head, just expect that it'll be crazy wild & it will appear like I haven't brushed it or fixed in it weeks... because well, I haven't! 

All my love from my pink chapter, Erin

[anjali-k]

Why I quit my job and moved to middle-of-nowhere Tennessee

No, that’s not Tennessee. That’s 24-year old me, sitting on a remote beach in Malawi, accompanied only by backpacking gear and a taxi driver I befriended all of 3 hours ago. This was everything I had dreamed of. In high school, I had made a pact with my best friend that we would never end up with “regular jobs”, i.e. sitting in an office, answering emails, etc. The truth was, that’s exactly where I ended up. So this “achievement” of traveling all by myself, to a remote part of Africa, was my way of compensating for the lack of excitement and thrill in my life. This moment was everything I wanted: Instagram-worthy natural beauty and the adrenaline rush of the danger of being a solo female traveler. Stuff I had only seen scrolling through my social media timelines, except this time I was living it.

Then why was I so damn miserable? 

I was sitting there, staring at the pristine water, surrounded by cheerful laughter of other tourists. I had a smile on my face too, but inside, something just wasn’t right. How could I be at, what I thought was, the pinnacle of FREEDOM, and be feeling so utterly trapped? I began writing on the notes app on my phone (my not-so-secret digital diary) about a whole host of feelings: fear, that at any moment the taxi driver could turn on me; guilt - it took a lot of effort to make it to Malawi both monetarily for me and emotionally for my parents; was it worth it? 

Did I just travel halfway across the world just to feel alive? 

This was over a year after I completed the Inner Engineering program. But it was not my first time feeling this way. I enrolled in this program suspiciously curious about meditation & Sadhguru. My brother had taken the program a few years ago and I had scoffed at the idea of a “Guru” and frankly, it disturbed me to see my brother in a “meditative” state. As a person of Indian origin, growing up largely outside of India, I was deeply insecure about anything that came out of my culture. I barely understood it, but I was desperately trying to fit into the American definition of what is acceptable and “cool”. This meditation and guru-following did not fit that definition. 

But then the senior year of college happened, and when it started to hit me that the 4-year party that is college was drawing to a close, I began to feel a bigger and bigger question mark about what the hell I should do with my life. This overwhelming feeling led me to meditation apps, and eventually Sadhguru and his free online guided meditation - Isha Kriya. This made feel a bit calmer although I must admit his voice haunted me a bit. I kept up with the practice, somewhat in shameful secret, for a year. This was followed by me registering for Inner Engineering Online, a 7 session online course. I started the course with a prejudiced yet seeking lens, but what I heard in those videos surprised and humbled me (a bit). I must confess I slept through some of the sessions & had to ask for many extensions to complete the course. Six months later I attended an Inner Engineering Completion program and was initiated into Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya - a 21-minute meditation/yoga practice. Throughout this whole time,  I had no excitement or craving of seeing Sadhguru in person - I considered myself way too intelligent to be sucked into, what I thought was, guru mania. I remember leaving the initiation feeling a bit unsettled - deep inside I knew I had experienced something beyond the “normal”, but I just didn’t want to come to terms with it. 

2 years after my initiation, I volunteered for the Inner Engineering program with Sadhguru in Toronto. By this time, Sadhguru had kind of taken over my Youtube suggestions. I would watch him for hours, hoping to get an answer to the same question that started plaguing me in college: what the hell should I do with my life. Every expectation of life I had, continued to fall flat: dating, career, money, partying, all seemed overhyped, so I started relying more and more on the one aspect that stayed as stable as a rock - Shambhavi Kriya. My Isha volunteering involvement only intensified when I moved to Atlanta & closer to the Isha Center in Tennessee. 

I always thought a spiritual path would be that of intense focus and commitment. The truth was my experience of life became like a whirlpool. I started binge-enrolling for any and all Isha classes I could find. I came out of relationships, my time partying got replaced by Isha volunteering & I started gathering fellow meditator friends my age. It was a thrill finding like-minded young people whose idea of fun was not limited to taking shots and twerking at the club. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed a good twerk sesh, but I enjoyed the diversity of switching from partying to meditating. It felt like I was on the “right track” - whatever that was.

Setting up dining at a local Inner Engineering program in Atlanta. Almost everything in Isha is volunteer-run. Everything as in from cooking, cleaning and running a foundation of over 9 million volunteers with programs in almost every part of the world. 

Visiting Isha Institute of Inner-sciences in Tennessee with family & friends. 

The Storm Before the Calm

I got accepted to Peace Corps, serving as a Business advisor in Uganda - a dream of mine for many years. But I had also started considering volunteering for Sadhguru’s river revitalization initiative - Rally for Rivers in India. Around this time, I had also started volunteering at the Isha center in Tennessee. Volunteering at the center on the weekends was the extra-curricular hobby that made me seem interesting and profound to the average tinder date but also kept me feeling alive without having to go too far. Although it felt like I was taking a commendable step by volunteering my weekends, the truth was all the same tendencies that had lead to disappointment in the past, were beginning to show their head here too: ego, competition, jealousy and compulsive flirting, to name a few. At the end of an advanced program at the Isha Center in Tennessee, Sadhguru said: “if America meditates, the world will meditate... just the young people need to stand up.” This stuck with me. But I still wasn’t convinced how this would fit into the “cool” caricature I had built of myself. Building businesses in Uganda or talking to farmers in remote villages in India to help save the rivers - these were worthy of Instagram fame. Moving to Tennessee to get well-fed Americans to meditate? It just did not have the same ring to it. My parents, who had poured their lives into my life & education, were not too thrilled with any of my choices since they all involved quitting my cushy corporate job at General Electric. This decision-making time felt like I was sitting on a swinging pendulum.  In the midst of this, I also fell in love.

The most advanced program Isha offers is called Samyama. I seriously considered taking it this year but everything about how I approached it was about checking another program off the list. I didn’t really know why I wanted to take it. My love affair crumbled in the most dramatic way around this decision-making time. Life felt like hell for a few weeks, but somehow the situation also served as the best compass. In the middle of what felt like a tornado, many things became clear to me: I was in no way prepared for an undertaking Samyama; Both Rally for Rivers & working in Uganda were only opportunities I was considering because they served my ego under the pretense of being compassionate. What I really needed was balance & clarity, not of the world outside, but the mess that was inside. 

It was finally time to listen to the Guru. 

And Now, Yoga... 

I often hear people talk about the day they learned Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya like a turning point in their life. In my experience, I couldn’t really say it was. Sure, the sinus issues that had bothered me since childhood had largely disappeared and I felt more in control of my own happiness but these didn’t feel like transformational changes. I now realize that this was largely because I practiced the tool of Inner Engineering, I volunteered for Inner Engineering, but I did not actually live Inner Engineering. 

How to perform any task without getting identified to it? How to purify the intent behind an action, thought or word? How to become responsive, not reactive to the life around you? How to make someone aware that very way the walk, eat, think, breathe is at the crux of their experience of life? 

In May 2019, I took a month-long sabbatical & trial-tested long-term volunteering at Isha Institute of Inner-sciences in McMinnville, Tennessee. During this time I cooked, cleaned, helped coordinate programs for hundreds of participants and soaked in the energized space of the center. 

At the end of the month, I couldn’t imagine leaving. 

On July 16, Guru Purnima, a day that is recognized as the first day Yoga was imparted, I started a 7-month program at the Isha center called Sadhanapada. This is a focused dedicated program, designed by Sadhguru, to bring higher levels of balance, clarity, and intensity to those who are seeking. The program involves almost 6 hours dedicated to Yoga practices & at least 6 hours of volunteering each day. In my limited understanding, the intense schedule is purposefully structured in such a way that there is only time for our classical Yoga practices & activity in a variety of areas based on our skillset and need for growth. For these 7 months, all of us 25ish participants, are taking up a focused effort to keep our tendencies, likes, dislikes & need for companionship aside. It is time to invest in ourselves. Ourselves - the only thing we can truly control.

Children’s program at Isha Center includes live demo from Tennessee State Parks!

Africa themed night at a Children’s program.

Me in front of the Abode of Yoga - energized meditation space.

That one time a friend, Madeline, visited me at the Isha center.

Yoga programs aren’t all sitting with your eyes closed...

A typical morning/evening in the Sadhanapda program.. (6 hours of Yoga a day!)

Got to take a quick hike on my 26th birthday...

What do I hope to get out of this? 

This is a question I have asked of almost every single decision I have made in my relatively short adult life. This program, Sadhanapada, is the first time I simply have no hope. The problem with expectations is that it inherently sets a limit on what is possible, and when you’re dealing with a movement that aims to take you to your highest potential - I would like to keep all my options open, even the ones I don’t know exist. 

The one thing I can say is that the most enriching experiences I have had are when I expect nothing but put my everything into it. This was true when I volunteered for a dance marathon in college to raise money for pediatric cancer. It was true when I was Business Manager at my college newspaper and didn’t care how late I stayed up simply because I cared deeply about the product. It was true when I fell in love - not just romantically, any time I simply gave myself to a friend’s happiness or an act of gratitude to my parents. 

In the past 3 months, my ability to be joyful has been truly put to the test. In one day, I probably experience more than I did in a whole month before I started the program. It’s hard to explain to someone who has not been here but as a volunteer, you are simply willing to do whatever’s needed - that means in one day you could be gardening, followed by being in the kitchen, followed by helping coordinate programs across the country, the list goes on and on. This is all in one day. But we are constantly guided to do absolutely everything in total awareness - this includes waking up, eating & all the activity we may be involved in.

Being a full-time volunteer is a state of being. Fully on and willing. So far, it’s been a liberating experience - a lot less time is spent calculating what I can get out of every situation.   

What the hell do I do with my life? Wrong question. 

How the hell am I experiencing life? The process continues...

[clary-jace]

the things we need to know

pairing: riley matthews & lucas friar  word count: 4,000  prompt: “day three: one exception au - au where everything is the same except ______” you know you’ve heard it before, and even minor changes can have big impacts” written for: rucas fanfic week 2017  summary: “in which everything is the same except maya came to her own realization about her feelings much faster.” - or an alternative look at the journey post texas for riley and lucas.  notes: ok so my original idea for this day was a lot different and a lot angstier then this one came out to be, but i’m pleased with this. it came to me last night and i just had to run with it!!! it starts with the campfire scene in texas 2 and works from there, everything in texas 1 and most of texas 2 happened. i take no credit for the dialogue that was pulled directly from the scene. enjoy!! 

“Maya likes you.”

The group froze as soon as the words left Riley’s mouth. Lucas looked shell shocked, and opened his mouth to say something, but Maya cut him off.

“Riley!”

Riley ignored her best friend’s protests and continued on, taking a deep breath before launching into her next set of words. She refused to look at Maya, and Farkle for that matter, focusing only on Lucas.

“She’s been hiding it all this time.” Riley saw Lucas look at Maya, a confused expression crossing his features, but she ignored that, powering on. “That’s why she couldn’t watch you at the rodeo.”

Lucas looked even more confused now, and Riley felt a little guilty for dropping this bomb on him, but she had already made her decision and had to keep going. No matter the strain and pain the confession put on her own heart.

“What are you doing?” Maya sounded exasperated, and Riley was confused. Shouldn’t she want Lucas to know how she feels? Riley had little doubt in her heart that Lucas probably felt the same, why wouldn’t he?

“I saw you Maya.” Lucas was looking at her now and Riley had to swallow the tightness in her throat. This was for the best, she knew it was. “I saw how much you cared.” She nodded slightly at her best friend, before addressing Lucas again. “It’s why she makes fun of you, I think.”

Lucas stood, ready to say something no doubt, but Maya cut him off before he could say something. Riley was slightly relieved, she wasn’t sure if she could handle the heartbreak of what was going to come out of Lucas’ mouth.

“I don’t like Lucas like that, Riles.” Riley was confused, and both Lucas and Riley turned slightly to look at Maya, who was standing next to them now. “Sure, I was worried about him, but that doesn’t mean I like him, at least not the way you think I do.”

“But, earlier you said…”

“No Riley, I didn’t. I didn’t say anything.” Riley saw Maya take a deep breath, and her own cheeks blushed in embarrassment. Lucas continued to look confused, but he did look slightly relieved at Maya’s words, which confused Riley even more. “I’ve been thinking about it, and you’re right. I was worried about Lucas, which was weird, yeah. But I also would have been just as worried if it was Zay, or Farkle on that bull.”

Riley took this moment to look at Farkle, who was still sitting by the fire, looking like he was trying to not listen. Riley knew he no doubt was though. She then directed her attention back to Maya, who had one of her eyebrows slightly raised.

“I was worried because I care about Lucas, but that doesn’t mean I have feelings for him. I can’t even imagine how worried I would have been if it was Josh on that bull, that’s the difference.” Riley cocked her head slightly, understanding what Maya was saying, but still confused over everything that had happened.

There was a moment of silent amongst them. Lucas was looking at Maya, a relieved smile on his face, and Maya was looking at Riley. She looked desperate for Riley to understand what she was saying.

“Congratulations, Huckleberry. I care about you. But it’s not that deep, and you’re not anymore special to me then Zay and Farkle are.” Maya shrugged, and Lucas nodded in response. Riley watched the two of them, not sure if she was relieved or upset about how the whole situation had played out.

“I’m sorry, Maya.” Riley whispered.

“It’s okay.” Maya said in response, squeezing Riley’s shoulder and giving her a small smile. “Alright, come on Farkle, let’s go.” Maya turned her attention to the young genius, who pretended to look like he hadn’t been listening to them the entire time.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” Riley smiled softly as she saw her two best friends disappear away from the campfire, bickering lightly as they went. She was happy that Maya had her feelings all figured out, but now she was left with Lucas, who still looked confused, and slightly hurt.

“Riley, what are we?”

“What are you talking about?” Riley bit her lips lightly, refusing to look Lucas in the eye as they stood there. There were tears forming in her eyes and she chalked that up to the smoke coming from the fire, not the conversation between her and Lucas.

“What about us Riley, you and me.” Lucas took a deep breath, and Riley looked at him for a moment. He looked slightly frustrated, but also hurt. That stung Riley’s heart more than she was willing to admit.

“I told you Lucas, we’re brother and sister. I meant what I said.” Riley choked out. She knew deep down, in her heart of hearts that that was a lie. But she didn’t want to lose him, she couldn’t, and this seemed like the way to do it.

“Okay.” Lucas said, refusing to look at Riley and smiling in a way that didn’t meet his eyes. He diverted his gaze to the ground and moved around her and began to make his way back to the house.

“Lucas.” Riley managed to say turning around so she could look at him. She saw him take a deep breath before spinning around so they could look at her.

“It’s fine Riley, I’ll see you in the morning.” He forced out another smile, and turned on his heels and walking all the way back to his grandfather’s house. Riley watched him walk away from her, the pain in her heart increasing with every step that he took.

Taking a deep breath to hold back the tears that were stinging in the back of her eyes. She looked around the firepit, taking a seat on the nearest rock. Looking into the fire, Riley sighed softly, sniffling.

She had made the right decision, she know she had. She didn’t want to end up like Jack and Rachel, doomed to never speak to each other ever again after a failed relationship. She didn’t want lose him, she couldn’t.

She sat there until the fire died, and until the tears on her cheeks dried.

Her and Lucas didn’t speak for the rest of the trip.

…

“Knock knock.” Riley smiled at her mother who appeared in her doorway as she was finishing up unpacking and shoving her suitcase back under her bed.

“Come in.” She said, walking over to her bay window and taking a seat on it, which her mom followed suit with. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to you about your trip, you didn’t say anything when you came in with your dad. Did you have fun? Did Lucas win?” Topanga asked, looking slightly worried as she asked the last part of her question. Riley nodded, a small smile on her face.

“Yeah, he did.” She met her mother’s gaze, unable to keep the grin off of her face. Despite all the awkwardness that now existed between her and Lucas, she was still filled with nothing but pride at his accomplishment. “And yeah, it was fun. I’m glad I went.”

That wasn’t exactly a lie, excluding the weird situation by the campfire between her, Lucas and Maya, she had had a good time on the trip. The rodeo had been like nothing she had ever experienced before, and it was all worth it just to see the kind of life that Lucas and Zay had lived before coming to New York.

“Something happened.” Her mom said simply. Riley opened her mouth, looking at her mom, who had her eyebrows raised and a knowing look on her face. “I’m not saying I have any idea what that something is, and I’m not saying you have to tell me. But something happened.”

“I told Lucas him and I were brother and sister.” Riley whispered, looking down at the ground. Her mom sighed in response, it was a knowing sigh and Riley knew that her mom was about to hit her with some thought provoking advice. As her mother usually did in situations like this.

“Now why did you do that? I was under the impression that you and Lucas were an unofficial sort of thing. I’m not going to pretend like I understand that, but brother and sister is not the impression that I was getting.”

“I don’t know. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.” Riley said, moving slightly so she could look her mom in the eye. “If Lucas is my brother, then I never have to lose him.”

“Ah, I see. Who told you that?”

“What?” Riley tilted her head slightly, unsure of what her mom was getting at.

“Who made you think that you had to tell Lucas he was your brother so that you wouldn’t lose him? Because I feel like that’s not something you would concoct yourself.”

“Uncle Eric.” Riley said after a moment of silence, her mom hummed in understanding, taking Riley’s hands in her own and bringing Riley’s attention to her. “He told me all about Rachel.”

“Sweetheart, while all that with your Uncle Eric and Jack and Rachel is true, you can’t base your relationship with Lucas off of someone else’s situation.” Her mom said, squeezing Riley’s hands lightly. “I never told your father that he was my brother and I’ve done a pretty good job of not losing him.” Her mom noted with a small smirk on her face.

“Lucas and I are nothing like you and dad.”

“You’re also nothing like Eric and Rachel. Or Jack and Rachel for that matter. You’re also not Shawn and Angela. You’re Lucas and Riley.”

There was a brief pause and Riley took this moment to think about what exactly had transpired between her and Lucas this past week. The look on his face when she had first told him that she loved him like a brother had haunted her more times then she could count in the last 24 hours.

“You and Lucas will create your own story. You will live your own lives and have a relationship that is unique and special and completely yours. If you really think that you and Lucas are better off as brother and sister then great, but I think you owe it to yourself to try.”

“What if it all falls apart?”

“If you go in thinking it’s going to fall apart, it’ll blow up in your face.” Her mom said, with a tone very reminiscent of when her and Lucas tried to date the first time. “But, all I know is that you have liked that boy since the minute he moved to this city and while you weren’t ready the first time, that might change.”

Riley considered this, nodding slightly at her mother’s words. Perhaps she had been a bit presumptuous, assuming that her and Lucas would date, break up and then never talk to each other again.  

“Thanks mom.” Riley said with a smile, mulling over the conversation they had just had. Her head now hurt and she was slightly confused about, well, everything. But she knew her mom had a point.

“Of course. That’s my job.” Topanga said with a smile, pressing a kiss to the side of Riley’s head. “I trust you to do what you think is right, just, remember that relationships need just as much heart as they do head.”

With another smile, her mom stood, squeezing her hands once more as she did, moving to leave the room. Riley leaned back on the pillow in her window, thinking over everything.

“Oh and Riley.”

“Yeah?”

“Make sure you put all your dirty clothes in the basket.”

“Yes, mom.” Riley said with a small laugh, shaking her head as her mom exited the room, closing the door softly behind her.

Looking out the bay window, Riley sighed slightly. Her mom did have a very valid point, maybe she owed it to herself. Did she really want to live her entire life wondering what being with Lucas was actually like?

The answer was no.

…

The next morning Riley stood in front of her mirror, running her hairbrush through her hair as her stomach tangled in knots. She had no idea what she was going to say to Lucas when she saw him today. In the last 48 hours she had taken multiple 180s in her feelings for him, or at least how she projected those feelings. She was started to get worried that she would push away Lucas for good and ruin all of her chances.

She needed to fix this before it got worse.

“Morning, Riles.” Her best friend said, popping through the window and taking a seat. Riley turned and smiled at Maya, putting her brush down and grabbing her backpack off her desk chair.

“Morning, Maya.” She said, taking a seat next to Maya in the window. “Listen Maya, I am so sorry about what happened in Texas. I shouldn’t have stood up like that and just told Lucas how I thought you felt.”

“It’s alright, Riles. Really.” Maya said with an easy smile, rubbing her hand on Riley’s arm lightly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realize how much pain you were in and told you the truth sooner.”

“Can I ask you something?” Maya nodded, pursing her lips. Riley sighed softly, looking down at her interlocked hands. “Did you mean what you said back at the campfire, about not having feelings for Lucas?”

Maya snorted, giving out a light laugh. Riley wasn’t really sure why this was a joking matter, but she assumed the laughter was a yes, Maya didn’t have feelings for Lucas, which is ultimately the answer she was looking for.

“Yeah, I did. There was a brief moment when I thought that maybe I did, back when we won cutest couple in the yearbook. I considered the idea of me and Lucas, and he’s a good guy, he’s cute, I could have had feelings for him. But then I realized that I don’t like Lucas, or want him in any way.” Maya took a deep breath, looking almost disgusted at the idea of wanting to be with Lucas.

“But what about your realization about me and Lucas being brother and sister. When you were pretending to be me?”

“I’m not you, Riles. You just said so yourself, I was pretending to be you. We may be best friends, but I could never know what you’re feeling. I don’t even know what I’m feeling. But I do know that whatever I’m feeling, none of that is for Lucas.” Maya laughed again, shaking her head softly.

“Are you sure? Because if you do I can -”

“Riley, you like Lucas, I know you do. He likes you. I would never stand in the way of that, especially because I don’t have feelings for Lucas.” Maya said, forcing Riley to look at her. Riley nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Thank you, for being honest with me.”

“We’re best friends, I would never lie to you. Now, are you finally going to tell Lucas that you’re in love with him and be with him for the rest of your life, or are you two going to keep dancing around each other for the rest of eternity?”

“Maya!”

“Am I wrong?” Maya asked, throwing her hands up in the air and exiting the window. Riley merely shook her head in response, following her friend out the window.

The journey to school involved the two friends talking about almost everything that wasn’t Lucas, and by the time they arrived at school Riley had basically forgotten about her nerves. But, as soon as she stepped foot into the hallway, her heart started beating erratically in her chest.

“Riley, hey.” Riley froze by her locker, turning to see Charlie Gardner coming towards her. She looked to Maya next to her, who looked as equally confused as she was.

“Cheese Souffle!” Riley ignored her friend’s nickname, instead giving Charlie a smile.

“Hi Charlie, how are you?”

“I’m alright. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go on a date this weekend.” Riley crinkled her eyebrows together in confusion. Her heart dropped in her chest and she really wished that the school hallway would open up and swallow her whole.

“What?”

“I heard that you and Lucas are going to be just friends and that you’re free, so I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me.”

“Where did you hear that?” Riley managed to say, her throat and mouth was bone dry. Charlie was a nice guy, he really was, but she did not want to go on a date with him.

“Zay told me.” Charlie said, gesturing behind her. Her and Maya both turned to Zay, who was sitting on the bench, a small smirk on his face.

“He made me Riley.” Riley groaned lightly under her breath, and she could practically see the eyeroll that Maya was giving him. “Sorry.”

“You heard wrong, Charlie.” Riley said, giving him a small smile. It felt weird, to tell Charlie he was wrong, when she hadn’t even talked to Lucas yet, but the last thing she needed was Lucas hearing about this and thinking that her and Charlie were going on a date. That would make everything even more complicated.

“Oh. Alright.” Charlie said, giving her a small, sad smile. Riley felt bad, she really did. Charlie was a good guy and there was no doubt that under different circumstances she could have gone on a date with him and had a good time. “I’ll see you around, Riley.”

“Bye.” She waved slightly. Charlie turned and went into her father’s classroom and as soon as he was gone, she look at Maya and Zay, both of whom gave her an encouraging smile.

She was about to open her mouth to say something when a familiar figure appeared before her, a weird look on his face. Confusion, something akin to happiness and nerves were written all over his features.

“Hi, Lucas.” Riley said with a small smile. There was sweat on her palms and her stomach was swooping, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been this nervous around him.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Oh my god, I’ll see you in class, Riles. Good to see you in one piece, Huckleberry.” Maya says with a grin, grabbing Zay by the sleeve and dragging him with her into her father’s history class. Riley smiles after her, before looking at Lucas again.

“Do you wanna hang out after school?” She asked nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. She gives him a smile, hoping that he’ll understand what she’s trying to hint at.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. That sounds great.” He gives her a real smile, different from the one he forced to her back in Texas and that allows her to breath a little easier.

“Cool.” She smiles. The awkwardness between them is familiar, it gives her flashbacks of earlier this year. But instead of that making her feel uncomfortable, it makes her heart flutter and relieves her all at once. Maybe things can get back to the way that they were without any kind of fuss.

The bell rings and interrupts them, but they share a small smile and he steps aside to let her into her father’s class in front of him.

She exchanges a small smile with Maya as she takes her seat and it feels as though everything is almost right back to where it’s supposed to be.

…

Later that day, she’s nervous again. She’s sitting in her mom’s cafe, a smoothie in front of her and Lucas on her other side and she’s trying to think of the right words to say to make things right between them again.

“Lucas-”

“Riley-”

She giggles slightly at their in sync-ness and Lucas merely shakes his head and gestures for her to go. She wants to argue, but she also fears that if she waits, she’ll lose her confidence.

“I don’t think of you as my brother.” She said after a moment, feeling slightly embarrassed, but continuing on nevertheless. She can see Lucas gulp and he looks a little frightened, but also like he’s holding back a smile. “I lied, and I’m sorry.”

She takes a moment to breath, to gather her thoughts. Lucas nods encouragingly.

“I got scared, at the semi formal. My Uncle Eric was talking about this girl that him and his friend, Jack, both liked. Jack dated her and my Uncle Eric didn’t, she saw him as a brother and Jack as a boyfriend, and now her and my Uncle Eric are best friends and still talk all the time, and Jack and her haven’t talked in years. They’re complete strangers.” She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes momentarily, before continuing on. “I didn’t want that to happen to us.

“I meant what I said when I said that I didn’t want us to date, and then break up and then never talk to each other again. You’re too important to me, I can’t lose you if things don’t work out between us.” Lucas looks confused, and slightly hurt, but she’s determined to power through the speech that had been running through her head since her talk with her mom last night.

“But, I realized that, maybe I won’t lose you. Immediately thinking that things wouldn’t work out between us, that’s a silly thought to have.” Riley shakes her head slightly, adjusting on the couch so she can look at him better. “And I also realized that we’re not Jack and Rachel, and we’re not my Uncle Eric and Rachel. We’re Riley and Lucas. Just because something happened to them, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to us.

“I like you Lucas, I always have.” She finishes, a small smile on her face. Her words came out slightly more jumbled then she had rehearsed them, but she hopes that her general statement was clear enough for him to understand.

“I like you too.” Lucas replied, a smile on his own face. “I would be lying if I said that you saying we were brother and sister didn’t hurt, but I understand now, where you were coming from. I don’t want what you said to happen to us either. You’re really important to me, Riley. Losing you is the last thing that I want to happen.”

She nods in understanding, happy that her and Lucas seem to be on the same page with each other now. She just wonders now, what this means for them. She doesn’t want them to be just friends, but she doesn’t know if she’s ready for a real relationship.

“So, now what?” She asks, slightly nervous.

“I think it would be kind of weird if we tried to just be friends, wouldn’t you?” Lucas asked, an amused smirk on his face and she laughed lightly, looking down at the ground before meeting his gaze.

“Yeah, I think so. I think we’ve established that we’re no good at being just friends.”

“Well, I think that we’re at our best when we’re just doing what we want to do.” Lucas said with a smile, reaching over and grabbing her hand. She smiled softly, a blush creeping onto her face as he squeezed her hand encouragingly.

“So, we’re Riley and Lucas.”

“Yeah, I like the sound of that.”

“Me too. I like that very much.”

Lucas squeezes her hand again and they smile at each other. Her heart soars in her chest and every weird feeling that had been buzzing through her veins is replaced with the familiar affection she’s always felt towards him.

They’re Riley and Lucas. Not just friends, not quite boyfriend a girlfriend. Definitely not brother and sister. Not Cory and Topanga. Not Jack or Eric and Rachel. Just Riley and Lucas.

And that’s really all she needs to know.

[unlovedaddict]

24 Hours to Improving SEO

How good were the particular SEO campaigns that you utilized in 2017? The voice lookup is growing everyday, which might the key factor for your own SEO success in 2018 since online users are more serious in accessing the web through spoken command. We have simply no choice left other than transforming the website into mobile-friendly sites along with mobile-friendly SEO strategy to bring in more users as well because grab and retain search motors attention. These key phrases and key phrases will after that be integrated into articles that will are relevant for that site simply by the SEO consultant. In 2018 there will end up being an even bigger concentrate upon machine learning and SEO through data. ” Of course, the particular amplification side of things can continue to integrate increasingly along with genuine public relations exercises rather of shallow-relationship link building, which usually will become increasingly easy in order to detect by search engines. The particular Yoast SEO plugin enables a person to write better content along with page and keyword analysis, instantly generate XML sitemaps, enable breadcrumbs, add social and schema markup, as well as a big number of other optimizations. Everybody knows that will SEO is an acronym that will means Search Engine Optimization. The particular analytical area of the SEO is regarding tracking organic keyword positions, site traffic and its engagement online Analytics, Webmaster Tools and a lot of other specialized tools. Staying on top of the particular changing trends in search motor optimization (SEO) is a should if a website will probably be noticed by targeted customers. Considering that Google processes more than 3. 5 billion searches for each day, the 30% increase within voice search in only the particular next two years translates directly into huge numbers and an also bigger potential for optimizing your own SEO strategy to begin gathering the demands of voice lookup now. It is usually true that constantly researching regarding SEO techniques is a tiresome and tiring process, but generally there is no silver bullet with regard to maintaining high ranking except taking on change. Thus, cellular friendliness serves as one associated with the major factor that may continue in 2018 as the particular trend in SEO. Right here is the trick, attach the link within your content of your own target website, helping your focus on audience in reaching your web site, increasing traffic and impacting SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION. SEO optimized posts have a tendency to rank high in lookup results compared those unoptimized blogposts. The point about YouTube Google rankings given that April 2014 Google had the major update, many vseo possess been crying however the option is pretty simple. If a person have just started your SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION campaign to get a brand-new website, after that you should focus on long-tail keywords. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, alone, is not enough in order to guarantee success and content advertising, alone, is not enough in order to guarantee success. We believe by now, most associated with the principles of SEO are usually more or less well realized by people that have completed their amount of time within the trenches since 1999, even though new platforms and data sorts arrive all the time maintaining the need for ongoing exercise or testing even more essential than in the past. So, I might declare 2018 is a problem for Google, just as very much as it might be regarding SEOs. We have several good rankings, but we are usually always trying to improve and observe what the future holds regarding SEO. In 2018, the user experience is the particular center of development as nicely as the key point intended for the SEO strategies. SEO remains king of the Internet, plus businesses will continue to require valuable, and unique content that will will meet the need associated with their company in the many years SEO 2019 PDF ahead. Backlinks are one of the most significant SEO factors. In order to give you a head begin, here are the SEO styles and techniques we expect in order to dominate in 2018. Debbie A. Everson is the particular CEO of, experienced SEO Specialists and Search Engine Optimization Company to 2, 000 small companies. Off-Page SEO refers in order to all the things that may be done directly OFF your own website to help you much better search engine positions, such since social networking, article submission, discussion board & blog marketing, etc. Because the requirement for Digital Marketing and advertising for business is aggressively expanding, so does for SEO Developments too. One of the the majority of important parts of the SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is creating unique content along with proper keywords. Key phrases are the foundation of effective SEO. Within SEO, we refer to the particular acquiring new backlinks as one way link And as many practitioners confess, it's rather a challenging action. We can subdivide these SEO ranking facets into two sections: On-Page and Off-Page SEO. Make no error, a new website is your own first step to gaining plenty of qualified traffic, and issue of fact, a great internet site will certainly help your visitors numbers increase once users discover your online location - yet until then, we recommend the great SEO campaign. Over the particular coming year, voice search will be an area SEO specialists plus marketers need to be conscious of, especially with featured thoughts. Site's speed will be of the heart in research engines and SEO trends 2018, whether it be in desktop or cellular. A person can use this configuration in order to improve your mobile SEO concerning providing users best design intended for all devices. Many people try to consider their SEO strategies into their particular own hands, but this may lead to a waste associated with time and resources. SEO Check - which will certainly test out your website plus give you tips for much better search engine optimization. In order to find out more, check this infographic through Digital Marketing Philippines, which talks about the very best trends that will you should know if a person want to increase your SEO technique this 2018. Using a common sense approach in order to SEO, you can do your own personal keyword research and do SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION yourself. Due to the fact the niches are fairly wide, I'm fortunate to have the lot of keyword opportunities (as opposed to doing SEO intended for a local business). Within this post, we've broken straight down the top SEO techniques to assist you skyrocket your rankings plus boost your variety of monthly site visitors. SEO specialists have to look for new tricks and techniques to promote a website because Google methods take into account not only key phrases, but also context, among other things. How do you know that will these are the very greatest SEO companies out there, plus how did you know our own SEO company rankings are proper? You may audit your page's SEO wellness, compare SEO metrics for the number of pages, and evaluate both external and internal hyperlinks on any given web web page. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION will also help your company thrive through higher exposure (also known as page 'ranking'). Whilst researching latest SEO marketing techniques and techniques that are impacting on the search engine rankings associated with websites in the current situation, it has been realized that will SEO is changing fast. If you are severe about improving search traffic plus are unfamiliar with SEO, we all recommend reading this guide front-to-back. Choosing the correct keywords is the real starting of any SEO effort. Ultimately, success within SEO in 2018 and ahead will depend on creating incredible content and making it simply because easy as possible for research engines to understand exactly exactly what that content is about. Many business individuals find checking up on the particular "moving target" of SEO distracts them from daily priorities a lot more than they ever imagined, as a result it is good to seem closely at why is feeling for each business. Your readers are always the nearly all important part in regards in order to a blog post, so never ever compromise writing quality for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION benefit. But mobile SEO is various in terms of search conduct, quality signals, levels of consumer engagement, and above all, rank algorithms. For this particular to happen a variety associated with local SEO strategies, need in order to be implemented to have the site positioned on search engines like Search engines, business directories such as Yelp, Superpages, Google My Business record etc. This will be a development opportunity for content marketing-specific organizations and a necessary and validated budget line item for in-house SEO teams. According to experts, Content will be the most critical element associated with SEO trends in 2018. RankBrain is more associated with a ranking signal than a good SEO masterpiece, nevertheless, it will have some effects on SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, and can be especially helpful if users don't know fully what they're looking for, or even simply can't find the correct words to use. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION - Seo: the process associated with making your site better regarding search engines. Google announced last yr that RankBrain had become their own 3rd most important ranking element, and our SEO predictions recommend it will grow in significance for 2018. Creating and promoting linkable possessions is an excellent way in order to transform your SEO through the obtain of backlinks. You can get SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION results by executing Pillar #1 and Pillar #2 well, yet backlinks are fuel on the particular fire. This way, a person and your SEO can assure that your site is made to be search engine-friendly through the bottom up. However, a great SEO can also help enhance an existing site. In the particular future, SEOers will have in order to write more for the internet user, which the search motors will begin to mimic. Lookup Engine Optimization popularly referred in order to by the acronym SEO is definitely really a technique of immediate marketing employed to rank the webpage on top leads in order to increase the number of the particular visitors on website. My predictions regarding SEO in 2018 is that will we are going to carry on to see Google devalue web pages with keyword stuffing and slim content. Technical optimization: all associated with the behind-the-scenes engineering that SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION pros do to make this easier for search engines such as google to find a internet site. SEO developments continue to emerge, but 2018 would have been a great revolution in SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION just because a lot associated with new game-changing technologies will experienced in this time and SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION optimization will get a much better yet new shape. Although personally We are usually not a fan of tone of voice search, but a high percent of people are incredibly for up-to-date on-page SEO optimization, add functions such as voice search, e-mail plug-ins such as ability associated with users to just click upon the email and send this, call plug-ins as well as other modes associated with communication such as Skype. Fairly recently, I've seen the resurgence of on-page SEO aspects making a difference in research engine rankings. A person can also see the off-page SEO power of free equipment through backlinks. If you desire to keep thriving in research rankings, you need to end up being aware of all of the particular latest Google algorithm updates plus SEO best practices. Although the fundamentals associated with SEO will stay important (links, onsite SEO, page speed, articles etc. ), how one increases for certain queries will change. Several thanks for your awesome In-depth Guide, I have learnt a few new SEO Strategies, I may begin with improving my website's Dwell Time Beside Creating Visible Content, I am going in order to really appreciate If you can Write an In-depth Guide regarding Creating Embeddable Images”, I require to understand it better. On-page SEO may be the process of customizing websites or blogs in purchase to increase a site's position in search results. In 2018, your SEO achievement won't depend on how nicely you optimize your website with regard to Google. On the similar note, great SEO content material needs keywords but if a person overdo it, Google and human being visitors will hate it. Looking to keep a healthy keyword denseness of 1-2% is recommended. SEO is usually optimizing digital documents for individuals who use search engines. Search engines has stated publicly they think brands” are good for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, as people trust them plus want to see them offered in search results. Once we appear ahead to SEO in 2018, discover our predictions for exactly what we think will be one particular of Google's biggest years however for search. Meta explanation plays a major role within search engine rating of your post so creating an SEO friendly meta explanation is essential for ranking aspect. SEO isn't very just about building search engine-friendly websites. When you're working on SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, you need to be conscious of the existing factors that will influence your ranking. We might like to increase visibility, all of us want it to look in Lookup Engine Results Page (SERP), We all should go with these alleged SEO techniques. Enter: SEO -- a method to filter plus organise websites depending on key phrases. SEO today is producing sure a user's experience is definitely optimal in terms of the particular content they're consuming, how could possibly be consuming on various devices, plus what action they're lead in order to take next. And as over 55% of search results on Search engines contain one or more movies — almost all of which usually are YouTube videos — submitting SEO-optimised YouTube videos will obtain you more Google search publicity and increase your online presence exponentially. In situation your website is on the particular newer side, you can prioritize your PPC campaign first because it can take a whilst for SEO rankings to turn out to be established, but don't ignore your own SEO in this process. In reality, you're going to see even more and more people investing within SEO as paid traffic stations will get expensive. Google failed to impact web pages so much right after updates, quickly but they gather data on a regular basis so they are usually testing their algorithms then this effects all directories in search engine optimization. By the finish of this article, you'll find out the actual best SEO styles in 2018 are? Nevertheless, before we get to our own main event, I must keep in mind that after our 2017 version of SEO trends launched final year on Search Engine Diary, we heard a few problems about how long this had been. Informative post ideal intended for SEO, I have used these types of techniques in my seo the very helpful thanks for spreading. Voice research is without doubt the most recent and many prominent SEO developments this year. When we do SEO-optimization of a post, we follow a certain set associated with proven methods to rank this higher on a search engine. It's important in order to remember to share content through your website or blog socially to give it an SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION boost too. SEO has a lot more aspects associated with your issue and it also helps a person know drawbacks of your site, so, promoting through SEO will certainly not only help you property on first pages of Research Engines like Google, it furthermore lets you the find the particular defects on your own website that additional helps in removing them. HTML Sitemap is one associated with the small factor for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION ranking. Links are extremely important intended for SEO. Most SEO newsletters summarize topics mentioned in social mass media and on popular marketing websites. Advanced technique: Use one of the best SEO tools to research key phrase alternatives and search volume. Both of these factors are enough to effectively change search engine rankings which will be why this SEO technique is usually classified as a serious dark hat. Guidelines you suggested for SEO Progress are valuable as Websites possess to undergo SEO Audit through timt to time to remain On top of search motor results, I was currently searching out for SEO advance Methods to Improve website ranking, Present Out your post relevant. Marketing on industry-specific directories and marketplaces, speaking from targeted conferences, appearing on appropriate podcasts, and increasing site visitors through newsletters are practices that will are good for SEO plus make perfect sense in the world without search engines. Internal linking is amongst the major aspects of SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION as with the aid associated with it you can direct visitors to your other pages plus posts too. The thing regarding YouTube Google rankings since Apr 2014 Google had a main update, many vseo have already been crying but the option might be pretty simple. This particular may not sound like a good advanced SEO strategy, but you'd probably be surprised the number associated with websites are missing basic on-page SEO like page titles or even descriptions. But this has a nice SEO advantage to boot: multimedia helps a person boost those user-interaction signals that will Google continues to be having to pay more attention to. I feel wanting to rank with the key word online jobs but as the particular URL is long & the particular keyword is in the finish associated with the URL, I am not really ranking on the first place even after my page and my SEO is more preferable than additional first 3 ranked sites. SEO is almost all about backlinks, right? With more than 200 ranking factors in Google's search algorithm, SEO is right now a highly complex process. A SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION process may involve a web site's coding and structure, content plus copywriting, site presentation, as nicely as fixing other issues that will will prevent search engines through indexing your company website. Just because Google and other search motors are using personalization more frequently in order to get more accurate search outcomes for their users, user customization has become more prevalent within SEO. The particular need to learn about brand-new entrants like Siri, Alexa, Fb, Linkedin, and specialist search motors (like, for example) will maintain SEOs on their toes with regard to years to come. It took me plenty associated with time to get ready for it, in order to conduct the research and therefore forth. It is very helpful to have the information upon how the very best professionals use SEO at hand. Affected sites along with poor onpage and offpage SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, and has a massive impact on location related search. SEO differs from nearby search engine optimization in that will the latter is targeted upon optimizing a business' online existence so that its web webpages is going to be shown by search engines when the user enters a local research for its products or solutions. In a latest survey by Hubspot only 9% of businesses using inbound advertising with SEO failed to discover an ROI. Today, the only way to show up in the search engine webpages like this is by posting your videos on You Pipe or through video SEO. SEO requires an understanding associated with how search engines work, exactly what individuals search for, and exactly why and how people search. While Search engines makes it near impossible in order to completely crack its page rank algorithm code, constantly adjusting in order to accommodate one thousand different intricacies will be the challenge with regard to SEOers in 2018 and numerous a long time. In order to get them, you'll have in order to read other blogs that examine between the lines of exactly what Google representatives are saying which usually publish data that illuminates the consequences, say, of a new criteria change or that tries in order to determine is new ranking aspects are taking effect when Search engines isn't being clear about can be going on. The comments upon posts in this blog are usually often worth reading, even when just to see what additional SEO professionals are thinking. There are usually various powerful Top SEO strategies ” which will help a person to get your site upon first page of Search motor. With the contribution associated with major search engines like Search engines and Bing, website owners are usually seeing technological SEO changes that will reflect in terms of improved user experiences. We can not develop a post about the particular top SEO trends in 2018 without writing about how AI and machine learning will influence SEO. Still, the key phrase aspect of SEO is getting increasingly difficult with Google Google adwords hiding volume data. A successful SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION strategy in 2018 will shift towards relationship building, helping the brand develop powerful contacts plus links that will be helpful in a longer term. As search engines keep on to develop more advanced systems and responsiveness to online queries, new SEO techniques will arise to keep companies ranking higher on search engines. Within this post, we've broken straight down the very best SEO techniques in order to help you skyrocket your ranks and boost your number associated with monthly visitors.

[pinksfuckers]

24 Hours to Improving SEO

How good were the particular SEO campaigns that you utilized in 2017? The voice research is growing everyday, which might the key factor for your own SEO success in 2018 because online users are more serious in accessing the web through spoken command. We have simply no choice left other than switching the website into mobile-friendly web sites along with mobile-friendly SEO strategy to entice more users as well since grab and retain search motors attention. These key phrases and key phrases will after that be integrated into articles that will are relevant for your site simply by the SEO consultant. In 2018 there will become an even bigger concentrate upon machine learning and SEO through data. ” Of course, the particular amplification side of things will certainly continue to integrate increasingly along with genuine public relations exercises rather of shallow-relationship link building, which usually will become increasingly easy in order to detect by search engines. The particular Yoast SEO plugin enables a person to write better content along with page and keyword analysis, instantly generate XML sitemaps, enable breadcrumbs, add social and schema markup, as well as a huge number of other optimizations. Everybody knows that will SEO is an acronym that will represents Search Engine Optimization. The particular analytical section of the SEO is regarding tracking organic keyword positions, web site traffic and its engagement online Analytics, Webmaster Tools and a lot of other specialized tools. Staying on top of the particular changing trends in search motor optimization (SEO) is a should if a website will be noticed by targeted customers. Considering that Google processes more than 3. 5 billion searches for each day, the 30% increase within voice search in only the particular next two years translates straight into huge numbers and an actually bigger potential for optimizing your own SEO strategy to begin achieving the demands of voice lookup now. It is definitely true that constantly researching regarding SEO techniques is a tiresome and tiring process, but right now there is no silver bullet regarding maintaining high ranking except taking on change. Thus, cellular friendliness serves as one associated with the major factor that may continue in 2018 as the particular trend in SEO. The particular rise of featured snippets, PAY PER CLICK, voice search and local SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION can often yield better results compared to an organic ranking. SEO in 2018 is also expected to include some wonderful features with new systems and the trends are currently favoring the popular expectations. Content that will is clearly designed for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION purposes is something that Search engines is already reducing - annihilation is the only way this can go. Dropping obvious key phrases into a piece of articles as many times as you can, whilst not focusing on the high quality and relevance of the content material will get a site no place (apart from down! ). So, rather than packing plus cracking a keyword into your own content as much as a person can, white hat SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION will help you with the particular usage in such a method that this content makes sense plus engages visitors well. I can clearly state that In 2018, Smart SEOs and even data-driven company may focus more on Searcher objective and less on keyword quantity, difficulty and links metrics. So, I might declare 2018 is a problem for Google, just as very much as it might be with regard to SEOs. We have several good rankings, but we are usually always seeking to improve and discover what the future holds with regard to SEO. In 2018, the user experience is the particular center of development as nicely as the key point with regard to the SEO strategies. SEO continues to be king of the Internet, plus businesses will continue to require valuable, and unique content that will will meet the need associated with their company in the many years SEO 2019 Slide ahead. Backlinks are one of the most significant SEO factors. In order to give you a head begin, here are the SEO styles and techniques we expect in order to dominate in 2018. Debbie A. Everson is the particular CEO of, experienced SEO Professionals and Search Engine Optimization Company to 2, 000 small companies. Off-Page SEO refers in order to all the things that may be done directly OFF your own website to help you much better search engine positions, such because social networking, article submission, discussion board & blog marketing, etc. Because the requirement for Digital Advertising for business is aggressively developing, so does for SEO Developments too. One of the many important parts of the SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is creating unique content along with proper keywords. Key phrases are the foundation of effective SEO. Within SEO, we refer to the particular acquiring new backlinks as one way link And as many practitioners confess, it's rather a challenging action. We can subdivide these SEO ranking facets into two sections: On-Page and Off-Page SEO. Make no error, a new website is your own first step to gaining loads of qualified traffic, and issue of fact, a great web site will certainly help your visitors numbers increase once users discover your online location - yet until then, we recommend the great SEO campaign. Over the particular coming year, voice search is definitely an area SEO specialists plus marketers need to be conscious of, especially with featured thoughts. Site's speed is definitely of the heart in lookup engines and SEO trends 2018, be it in desktop or cellular. There are usually many guides out there upon the web which can become found quite easy using Search engines being a search tool to discover them, which will explain just how you can SEO your web site yourself "DIY". But more than time, SEOs have identified a few of the factors they think about when ranking a page. Another post of attention might be this one: nine Ways to Use Heatmaps in order to Improve Your SEO” Ways outlined include to determine the perfect length of your articles plus its structure, to improve inner links, and to boost conversion rates. It's a complicated and frequently expensive process but, as along with social listening, the goal will be for SEO experts, business experts, and entrepreneurs to be capable to map how websites web page link to one another and extrapolate larger SEO trends and development opportunities. User encounter signals are a major SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION ranking factor once your content material reaches the very first web page of Google. Within short, content and links may still be the foundation associated with SEO in 2018. SEO specialists have to look for new tricks and techniques to promote a website because Google methods take into account not only key phrases, but also context, among other things. How do you know that will these are the very greatest SEO companies out there, plus how did you know our own SEO company rankings are right? You may audit your page's SEO wellness, compare SEO metrics for the number of pages, and evaluate both external and internal hyperlinks on any given web web page. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION will also help your company thrive through higher exposure (also known as page 'ranking'). Whilst researching latest SEO marketing techniques and techniques that are impacting on the search engine rankings associated with websites in the current situation, it has been realized that will SEO is changing fast. If you are severe about improving search traffic plus are unfamiliar with SEO, we all recommend reading this guide front-to-back. Choosing the correct keywords is the real starting of any SEO effort. Ultimately, success within SEO in 2018 and ahead will depend on creating incredible content and making it mainly because easy as possible for research engines to understand exactly exactly what that content is about. Traditional SEO is targeted upon building (keyword relevant) links plus (keyword relevant) content. The search engine marketing (SEO) industry continues to grow in reputation and is worth a excellent $65 billion SEO helps shops rank in search engines such as Google. What's coming with regard to search engine optimization (SEO) professionals within the coming year? In the event that you quality backlinks to your own blog post, you'll also much better search engine positions for the particular competitive terms like SEO Tips” with ease. SEO is the methodology that technically and topically aligns brand content and engagement along with searcher intent. SEOs are able to gain access to a lot more information compared to we ever could before straight from Google using Search Gaming console (like mobile friendliness of articles, and validation of structured data), and tools like the automatic assistant in the mobile Search engines Analytics app, which provides device learning insights to Google analytics data. RankBrain is more associated with a ranking signal than a good SEO masterpiece, nevertheless, it will have some effects on SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, and can be especially helpful if users don't know fully what they're looking for, or even simply can't find the correct words to use. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION - Seo: the process associated with making your site better with regard to search engines. Google announced last yr that RankBrain had become their particular 3rd most important ranking element, and our SEO predictions recommend it will grow in significance for 2018. Creating and promoting linkable possessions is an excellent way in order to increase your SEO through the obtain of backlinks. You can get SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION results by executing Pillar #1 and Pillar #2 well, yet backlinks are fuel on the particular fire. This way, a person and your SEO can guarantee that your site is developed to be search engine-friendly through the bottom up. However, a great SEO can also help enhance an existing site. In 2018, the particular user experience may be the center associated with development and also the the key point for the SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION strategies. As the mobile-first index, page speed ranking element, as well as other changes continue to move out this year, be guaranteed that SEO which focuses upon quality over short-term gains is usually what can help you shift up in the SERPs. Many SEO campaigns begin along with keywords - knowing what the particular audience within your niche is usually searching for is really the powerful advantage. Authoritativeness is a essential metric for SEO these times, and when you read that will Google rater's guide, it indicates a lot more than simply having lots and lots associated with backlinks. It is usually the first SEO trend that will will make your site even more visible on search engine. SEO is performed on the understanding that websites rank because of how appropriate a webpage is to the search query and how numerous links point to that web page. Fairly recently, I've seen the resurgence of on-page SEO elements making a difference in lookup engine rankings. A person can also see the off-page SEO power of free equipment through backlinks. If you would like to keep thriving in lookup rankings, you need to end up being aware of all of the particular latest Google algorithm updates plus SEO best practices. Although the fundamentals associated with SEO will stay important (links, onsite SEO, page speed, articles etc. ), how one makes the most of for certain queries will modify. Numerous thanks for your awesome In-depth Guide, I have learnt a few new SEO Strategies, I can begin with improving my web site's Dwell Time Beside Creating Visible Content, I am going in order to really appreciate If you can Write an In-depth Guide regarding Creating Embeddable Images”, I require to understand it better. On-page SEO could be the process of customizing websites or blogs in purchase to increase a site's rating in search results. In 2018, your SEO achievement won't depend on how nicely you optimize your website regarding Google. On the similar note, great SEO articles needs keywords but if a person overdo it, Google and human being visitors will hate it. Looking to keep a healthy keyword denseness of 1-2% is recommended. SEO is usually optimizing digital documents for individuals who use search engines. Search engines has stated publicly they think brands” are good for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, as people trust them plus want to see them offered in search results. Once we appear ahead to SEO in 2018, discover our predictions for exactly what we think will be a single of Google's biggest years however for search. Meta explanation plays a major role within search engine position of your post so creating an SEO friendly meta explanation is essential for ranking element. SEO is not just about building search engine-friendly websites. When you're working on SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, you need to be conscious of the existing factors that will influence your ranking. We would certainly like to increase visibility, we all want it to look in Research Engine Results Page (SERP), All of us should go with these alleged SEO techniques. Enter: SEO : a method to filter plus organise websites depending on key phrases. SEO today is producing sure a user's experience is definitely optimal in terms of the particular content they're consuming, how these kinds of are consuming on various devices, plus what action they're lead in order to take next. And as over 55% of search results on Search engines contain one or more movies — almost all of which usually are YouTube videos — posting SEO-optimised YouTube videos will obtain you more Google search publicity and increase your online presence exponentially. In situation your website is on the particular newer side, you can prioritize your PPC campaign first since it can take a whilst for SEO rankings to turn out to be established, but don't ignore your own SEO in this process. In reality, you're going to see even more and more people investing within SEO as paid traffic stations will get expensive. Google failed to influence web pages so much right after updates, quickly but they gather data at all times so they are usually testing their algorithms then this effects all directories in search engine optimization. In order to get executive buy-in, SEOs require to talk an alternative language -- a CMO is just not interested within a list of rankings, these people want to understand the influence of SEO on performance. Should you be going for nearby SEO, try to obtain the server close to the location you attempt to rank regarding. He or she is the proud Founder and Chief Architect of cognitiveSEO, a good SEO Toolset focused on in-depth analysis of ranking signals. A write-up in states that will 85% of individuals prefer indigenous mobile apps to websites Function your brand prominently in the particular app name and be certain you have proper links in order to apps for better search ratings Also, you need to ensure that application optimization tops your list associated with SEO optimization. Plus because Google shows YouTube video clips in their search results, your own video must be SEO helpful. Enter your competitor's URL straight into the SEMRush search bar and you will be provided with a checklist of SEO keywords, with their particular rankings and traffic. HTML Sitemap is one associated with the small factor for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION ranking. Links are extremely important regarding SEO. Most SEO newsletters summarize topics mentioned in social mass media and on popular marketing websites. Advanced strategy: Use one of the best SEO tools to research key word alternatives and search volume. Both of these factors are enough to effectively change search engine rankings which will be why this SEO technique will be classified as a serious dark hat. Suggestions you suggested for SEO Progress are valuable as Websites possess to undergo SEO Audit through timt to time to remain On top of search motor results, I was currently searching out for SEO advance Methods to Improve website ranking, Found out Out your post relevant. Marketing on industry-specific directories and marketplaces, speaking in targeted conferences, appearing on appropriate podcasts, and increasing site visitors through newsletters are practices that will are good for SEO plus make perfect sense in the world without search engines. Intended for example, considering the keyword tea” or marketing” may take very a long time for enhancing the ranking for every upon Google, however, using less researched terms like home tea-maker” or even SEO marketing for your business” can improve your chances associated with raking high in Google. Search Motor Optimization is done through composing SEO optimized content for the website. I WOULDN'T 301 REFOCUS users blindly to your house page in case you anticipate any SEO benefits from 301s. Nevertheless, 2018 SEO trends will prove in order to be the clincher. Canonical: This particular plug-in handles content syndication, which usually essentially allows other blogs in order to publish your projects (similar to franchising) without hurting your website's SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION ranking—simply by having a rel=canonical may get your brand and content material out on the web within multiple outlets, ensuring a better reach and bigger audience with no hurting your own search outcomes. Rich snippets and schema markup language is the one that 1 needs to work on even more to get a good increase in SEO score and furthermore for having a better standing searching engine results page (also generally known as SERP). ” The wealthy snippets are a way in order to communicate with Google concerning the articles contained within the site. With more than 200 ranking factors in Google's search algorithm, SEO is right now a highly complex process. A SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION process may involve a web site's coding and structure, content plus copywriting, site presentation, as properly as fixing other issues that will will prevent search engines through indexing your company website. Just since Google and other search motors are using personalization more regularly in order to get more accurate search outcomes for their users, user customization has become more prevalent within SEO. The particular need to learn about fresh entrants like Siri, Alexa, Fb, Linkedin, and specialist search motors (like, for example) will maintain SEOs on their toes intended for years to come. It took me plenty associated with time to get ready for it, in order to conduct the research and therefore forth. It is very helpful to have the information upon how the very best professionals use SEO at hand. Affected sites along with poor onpage and offpage SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, and has a massive impact on location related search. SEO differs from regional search engine optimization in that will the latter is targeted upon optimizing a business' online existence so that its web webpages is going to be shown by search engines when the user enters a local research for its products or solutions. In a latest survey by Hubspot only 9% of businesses using inbound marketing and advertising with SEO failed to discover an ROI. Right now, the only way to show up in the search engine webpages like this is by publishing your videos on You Pipe or through video SEO. SEO requires an understanding associated with how search engines work, exactly what individuals search for, and precisely why and how people search. While Search engines makes it near impossible in order to completely crack its page standing algorithm code, constantly adjusting in order to accommodate one thousand different intricacies will be the challenge with regard to SEOers in 2018 and numerous a long time. In order to get them, you'll have in order to read other blogs that study between the lines of exactly what Google representatives are saying which usually publish data that illuminates the consequences, say, of a new criteria change or that tries in order to determine is new ranking aspects are taking effect when Search engines isn't being clear about elaborate going on. The comments upon posts in this blog are usually often worth reading, even in the event that just to see what some other SEO professionals are thinking. In on the web marketing, few strategies are because competitive or rapidly evolving since search engine optimization (SEO). SEMRush - Another excellent tool for SEO analysis, especially where it concerns business cleverness, SEMRush allows you to determine and analyze the keywords that will the competitors are using. All these great elements is going to be useful for a successful marketing plus branding strategy and finally increases your SEO rank. However, with all the development of technology and Google most recent updates you can improve ratings by adopting voice search, sped up mobile pages, content marketing, cellular optimization, user-experience optimization, long-tail key phrases, local SEO, Google Quick Reply Box, Microformat and Artificial Cleverness in your SEO strategy 2018. SEO is the particular series of strategic approaches plus practices that are implemented in order to organically generate a high-rank placement in the search engine web page outcomes of internet search motors like Google, Bing, and Bing.

[zcabbaj]

A personal struggle

My piece of shit (POS) ex-boyrfriend

Over the course of approximately one and a half years of talking, dating and various attempts to maintain a friendship with my last boyfriend, I finally realized nothing would ever work – not romance, not platonacy, not sex.

He had come with a bunch of warning signs and red flags – many of which I had carefully considered and put to rest because I thought I was dealing with a quality person. However, it took me all of this time to realize that he had been awful to the people in his life throughout his life and when I first met him, he was at his highest, most unselfish and externally considerate juncture yet.

Even then, it was a far cry from ideal.

What he took me through was the worst I'd experienced yet – and he never admitted to or apologized for any of it, even when the last of any correspondence dissolved.

From our first meeting to our last, he took me on a winding journey with him – filled with drug addiction, sex addiction, unsafe sex, selfish sex, an STI scare, psychotic symptoms, a plethora of lies and a cesspool of toxic narcissism.

The last straw?

When we were still sexually intimate but not in a relationship, another woman spent the night with him and I found out when I showed up at his apartment – because we had planned an outing. He refused to let me in (despite repeatedly saying several times that I had a standing invitation at his apartment), blew off our plans and somehow made it my fault.

Drug addiction

When i first time I met him, he was in a live-in rehabilitation facility – attempting to and largely succeeding to get his life under control.

At first, he was kind, eager to please, considerate, caring. He treated me as if I were a profound blessing and a positive pleasure: kisses, compliments, displays of affection, respectful and eager to spend more time with me.

We broke up three times during the entire breadth of our knowing each other. The first time, he said his depression wouldn’t make a relationship with anyone a real possibility (his own words). The second, he was in the middle of spiraling bender. He was high as a kite and accused me of being part of a conspiracy to manipulate his life. The third time: he never got clean again after relapsing and losing his spot in rehab due – he went from using every few weeks, to once a week, to daily, to several times a day. This third, and final break up ended our last romantic attempt – he had told me “the reason we’d never work is because [he] was still in love with [his] ex-girlfriend.”

He had not seen this woman in more than a year.

They hadn’t been together in two or three years.

We had known each other and dated intermittently for about a year and a half.

Poor relational habits

This is in no way meant to stigma sex addicts or anyone who is hyper-sexual. This critique is strictly for my ex-boyfriend.

He was a selfish as fuck sexual partner, both our a relationship and outside of it.

Not awful – but definitely self-serving. His pleasure came before mine. His oral sex was consistently subpar and he never performed it for long. I told him several times it was my favorite thing, and he only performed it a handful of times.

I can’t remember one orgasm before, during or after having sex with him – oral, penetrative or otherwise. When I did reach orgasm, it was because of my own direct influence.

I can distinctly remember him caring about whether or not I climaxed on two separate occasions.

I can count the number of times he tried to satisfy me on one hand.

But more importantly: he shed long-standing friendships and familial relationships the same way some people shed their jacket when entering a building. If he was going through a rough time in his life – be it addiction, depression, personal problems – he would throw everyone out of his life and probably kick them on their way out.

After I met his younger brother (who is older than me, but still some years younger than himself), he told me about several poor experiences he survived as the younger sibling. At one point the brother had been in jail. His brother called the first person he could think of: my ex, his closest family member.

My ex’s response? “Good maybe you deserve it.” He left his brother in jail even though he had the time and resources to help him.

On other occasions, my ex would promise to take his younger brother on various trips: camping, fishing, traveling, etc. His brother, who was young at the time, would pack his bags and wait for me ex to arrive and take him on the promised trip.

My ex literally never showed. No call ahead to say he wouldn’t make it. He just wouldn’t show up.

His brother would spend the entire day waiting for him, only to come back inside at night disappointed because my ex never came.

The break ups

We broke up, as in ended a romantic relationship, three different times. The first two times were his decision. The last one was mine.

The first break up: he was too depressed to be in a relationship with anyone. The second: I was part of an elaborate plot (conspiracy) to control his life and influence it either for better or worse. The third: he told me the reason we would never work was because he was still in love with his previous girlfriend – I walked out.

I ended our friendship when he tried to hide another woman from me even though we still had a sexual relationship. He had her over the night before an outing and when she didn’t or couldn’t get a ride to her place (which was some distance away), he blew off our plans to drive her home.

He didn’t understand my anger in finding myself quite suddenly in an open relationship. He didn’t respect my feelings. He blamed me for being completely illogical, irrational and far too passionate for an adult discussion.

He never apologized for missing plans or attempting to deceive me.

This was my final straw. The previous weeks and current situation taught me he didn’t show care or respect to anyone. He treated me the same way he treated his closest family members -- I finally realized that however fucked up he was, it wasn’t my responsibility to fix him.

Last lasts

I gave up all correspondence with him when he had another woman in his apartment, in his room, without telling me. We were still sexual at the time and I felt (and still feel) that I had every right to know that whatever we were doing wouldn’t be exclusive. If there were going to be multiple women, then he should definitely have told me.

He rejected any ownership of being dishonest. He did not apologize. He instead attempted to gaslight me and project/deflect this violation of trust.

STI scare

Long after we’d been having sex and even though we were inconsistent in using barrier protection (condoms) – my ex confessed he has an STI (it is a virus and thus, it can’t be cured, only treated). He had contracted Herpes earlier in life and lied to me about it. I had specifically asked about STDs and anything sexually transmitted before having sex with him the first time. He said “no” then. He didn’t confess otherwise until long after we dated dating the second time.

He had been medically diagnosed with Herpes for more than two years. He had lied and neglected the caution of using barrier protection despite knowing this – and thus – he knowingly, intentionally and repeatedly endangered my sexual health.

Selfish

In addition for being an inattentive and a generally sub-par lover, he eventually refused to touch me in any intimate sense. When we resumed a sexual relationship (without romance), we went from intense foreplay to sleeping side-by-side, not touching within the same 24 hours.

That night, I begged him to touch me, in any way, at all – he refused. He offered to place a hand on my shoulder instead. This was after staying up on a work night when he had initiated and promised sexual activity.

He got a hand job. I got a hand on my shoulder.

All of the lies

He said he was STD free. He said he loved me. He said he would get clean. He got caught with another woman and justified it by saying the last time we’d been sexually intimate didn’t overlap with him having another woman over – a lie by omission and his track record indicates he wouldn’t have told me until some months later.

He always broke up with me when I said I needed more than he was giving. I wanted better sex – his struggle with depression becomes too much to sustain a relationship. I want him to contribute to my well-being as much as I contribute to his – he gets super high and accuses me of conspiring to control his life. I want a future with him (which was confession of mine in our third and final romantic attempt) – he tells me he’s absolutely still in love with his ex-girlfriend.

Even as sex friends, when I told him I wanted sexual attention – he slept with someone else and I caught him red-handed. Then, he blamed me for finding out and declared I’d tried to catch him in the middle of a sexual tryst. He attempted to gas light me instead of apologizing for being deceptive.

Epiphany

He’s an awful person who doesn’t know how to be better than he is and has no desire to actually become better. He is not my responsibility.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can be described in different variations of three words: “That didn’t happen,” “You imagined it,” and “Are you crazy?”

When I caught him with another woman, he immediately claimed that I didn’t have a reasonable expectation for honesty. He insisted his sex life is perfectly and completely private and he didn’t owe an explanation to anyone.

Which would have been true – except if you’re a responsible adult having sex with multiple people, they should at least know that they are one of many partners. Also, any long-standing history with one person means they have an inherent expectation of transparency – for example, if you and an ex still mess around but you are sexually active with multiple people, you should tell them, particularly if you haven’t talked about any potentiality of multiple partners.

A manipulative person will convince you that the former is an inevitable truth while the latter is a sign of dysfunction on your end.

He attempted to claim that my expectation for transparency was at the cost of his personal privacy. He refused to acknowledge that this sexual privacy came at risk to my sexual health. Multiple partners can mean potential exposure to sexually transmitted diseases – particularly if they’re inconsistent in using barrier projection. My ex generally doesn’t use condoms.

Narcissistic abusers love to play the “blameshifting game.” Objectives of the game: they win, you lose, and you or the world at large is blamed for everything that’s wrong with them. This way, you get to babysit their fragile ego while you’re thrust into a sea of self-doubt. Fun, right?”

Our last conversation was hardly a conversation. He threatened to walk out several times, claiming he felt entirely attacked and utterly unprepared to have any sort of serious discussion.

Any emotion I voiced or demonstrated was immediately seen as a threat to his mental health and current state.

He attempted to establish ground rules – but they seemed to exist to control the tone of the conversation as it affected him. For example: If we (his brother and I) didn’t follow the rules he established, he’d leave this discussion altogether. The rules he established minimized the potential for direct confrontation: forsaking all emotion to pursue logical discourse (about the emotionally charged subject of why he tried to hide having a woman over in his apartment and furthermore, blew off plans we had arranged earlier in the week by simply not showing up) and using “I feel …” statements (as opposed to “You did …”).

Whenever I became agitated and lost patience, he walked out. It took his brother yelling at him and going through a laundry list of the awful behavior he’d endured before my ex settled down.

Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability.

Rather than acknowledge their own flaws, imperfections and wrongdoings, malignant narcissists and sociopaths opt to dump their own traits on their unsuspecting suspects in a way that is painful and excessively cruel.

When we finally stopped speaking, my ex still hadn’t owned any of most recent faults: whether it was lying by omission, actively ignoring my messages, refusing to keep plans or his selfishness as a sexual and romantic partner.

He was utterly toxic and I want nothing else to do with him.

Here is the heart of my message: watch out loves. Some people will try to use you to the last drop. Know the signs of a toxic person and a toxic relationship, avoid them at all cost.

The source of the quotes