#2010 vibes are taking over

[starstruck358]

24. Dream

[my5hiningstars]

.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Could you Possibly do a Red and Green Flags or a NSFW analysis for Mingyu of SVT, Whichever you’d rather do if possible, Thank you

𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐲𝐮 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐬 𝟏𝟖+ (𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐅𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝)

Word Count: 2.5 K (circa)

Disclaimer: This analysis is for entertainment purposes only and should NOT be taken seriously or in a professional manner.

Methodology: Traditional astrology and Whole sign house analysis.

Placements:

Aries Sun (11th House)

Pisces Moon (10th House)

Gemini Rising (Mercury Ruled)

Taurus Mercury (12th House)

Aries Venus (11th House)

Virgo Mars (Retrograde 4th House)

Fuckboi Rating: 4/10

Mingyu's Aries stellium indicates he THINKS he can have sex w/o feelings and be okay with it but his Pisces Moon betrays him every time and this leads to things being MESSY!!!

His 12th House Mercury can inhibit his communication style and therefore he might be the type to keep avoiding the issue and procrastinating speaking about his feelings until he's too far into the connection.

So, his energy is not giving me fuckboi but definitely the type to pursue fwb's/situationships and then it goes horrifically wrong.

Red & Green Flags:

Red:

The 12th House Mercury is going to be a nightmare to work with as a partner because you know that scene in The Notebook where Noah is like 'what do you want? WANT DO YOU WANT?'

That's what it's going to be like with Mingyu- an indecisive mofo who cannot reveal his feelings until he's practically pushed into a corner and you're having to force it out of him.

Definitely embodies the 'one that got away' trope as he confesses his feelings when it's too late because he's too busy overthinking in his head.

An emotionally sensitive teddy bear who gets upset and dramatic over any minor issue (which is cute in my mind but I need help...).

Green:

I'm an Aries and I'm constantly defending Aries placements because we get such SHIT but he has an Aries Sun conjunct Venus which is a beautiful placement imo because his whole desire as a partner is for you to love yourself as much as he loves you.

Being in a relationship with him would be an especially healing one because he would encourage you to heal and nurture yourself with him as a supportive partner.

His Pisces Moon encourages him to be super empathetic and even have psychic abilities as a partner and he has high intuition- he would probably know what got you upset before you do.

Service oriented and a provider, I'll include this with every person who's a Virgo Mars but they truly enjoy pleasing their partner because that's what helps them feel fulfilled as a boyfriend.

Ideal Type...If He's Into Women:

Physical Traits:

Venus in Aries is interesting because they don't tend to have a specific 'physical' type but more so are drawn to energy/vibes so his type physically is all over the place.

This man is so wattpad coded omg it makes me cringe so hard but I've noticed men with an Aries Venus are attracted to girls who can rock the baggy clothing/messy bun duo- particularly with his known love for his height omg if you look hot with his clothes on!!! He'll have his hands all over you all the time.

The 4th House Mars indicates he would love a woman on the 'curvier' side and is a total peaches man for sure.

Honestly, if I'm to be blatant, I feel like Mingyu would love a short, curvy, plus-size, voluptuous whatever term you desire partner that can wear his clothes and be constantly excited whenever you see him.

The ultimate golden retriever x sunshine gf energy.

Personality Traits:

Aries Venus= humour and mischief! He wants a partner who's spontaneous, loud and sociable. The type to not take things too seriously.

Honestly, with that 5th house in Libra- he really would be attracted to the manic pixie energy type and be interested in someone who's 'quirky' and 'not like the other girls'.

The easiest way I can describe this energy is think of 2010-2018 Tumblr energy when John Green novels were at their peak in fame, the whimsical, adventurous, free-spirited type (I love and hate it at the same time).

Domestic, homely and orderly- he doesn't need a partner who's a neat freak but can clean up after themselves and doesn't need to be told or reminded constantly to do so.

Dom, Sub or Switch:

His Pisces Moon and Virgo Mars gives him a lot of flexibility with power dynamics and makes him a strong switch with dominant preference.

Mingyu is a gentle giant but he is a GIANT however and needs to feel like he is one to feel satisfied in his manhood, he doesn't care if you're the more decisive partner as long as he decides how to pleasure you in the bedroom.

He is an Aries stellium after all and the heavy Mars energy signifies he has a high drive and does still need to prove himself and show off just how hard he can have you trembling underneath him.

As a dominant, he's definitely more a pleasure-oriented soft dominant, he does love a challenge and to be teased but he's a service dom through and through.

Kinks...Just A Few Of Them:

Breeding/Pregnancy:

The 4th House is ruled by Cancer and represents domesticity and home life and I'm sure he's mentioned wanting children in the future because oh my lawdd- this is how he enjoys staking his claim.

He wants to see you full and swollen with his child, he wants to pump you full with his cum and see if it sticks because that's his way of gently claiming you and reminding you that you're his.

'My god you're a glowing sweetheart, you look so beautiful filled with me, I just want to lay you down and give you another baby'.

Nipple Play/Lactation/Anything Boobies

The 4th House influence means Mingyu is a peach and cherries man which does go hand in hand with his breeding/pregnancy kink because anything with your tatas would drive him crazy.

So yeah, I do think he would prefer someone with a big bosom that he can bury his face and leave little marks and kisses all over your chest.

If you were pregnant or breastfeeding, I'm sure he'd love to clean your milk off with his tongue and I think if he were to enter into a submissive state, he would be the type to just fall asleep and feel completely ease with your nipple in his mouth.

'You're so soft and you smell so nice, just let me keep my face here for awhile mmmh?? I'll be good, this is my comfort zone'.

Taglist: @scuzmunkie @marievllr-abg @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @mrcarrots @junieshohoho @gyuhanniescarat @partywithgyu @whatsk-poppinhomies @hologramhoneymoon @staytinyinmybpack @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @berryberrytan @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx @i-love-ateez @anyamaris @krishastumblernow @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @northerngalxy @justaaveragereader @ja3hwa @silentreaderthings @daddysspecialdollyworld @abby-grace @wisejudgedragonhairdo @smilefordongil @writhingwrecked @hongthoven

[dean-a-mean-tae]

Stray Kids as Hybrids

WARNINGS: Minho and Felix are "defect" hybrids. There's cussing in this. I got the information from research, so if you're an animal "expert" respectfully correct me.

Master list | Not requested, but I don't care.

Chan (Grey Wolf)

He has a grey tail with grey ears that have a black rim.

His fur is extremely fluffy, and he sheds a lot.

In his human form, he has curly hair that's so grey it almost looks white.

Though he has a ton of fur, he doesn't feel the heat.

He needs a lot of nutrients.

He'll eat over 13 pounds of meat at least once a week.

A "healthy" amount of meat for a human is 23 to 33 ounces per week. There are 16 ounces in a pound.

You can do the math yourself.

He's never gone over 12 days without consistent meat intake.

You gotta feed him.

Good luck. 13 pounds = 208 ounces

He won't tell you he's hungry, but you can hear his tummy from across the planet.

In his wolf form, his ears stand up and point forward.

In his human form, his ears just do what they want.

Contrary to popular belief, wolves barely bark.

Whines can be a sign of affection or distress.

You need to pay attention to the signs and what's going on to know the difference.

His growls are warnings, and his loud ones are when he feels threatened.

His quiet growls are playful.

Chan has and will go over to Minho or Seungmin and put his paw on them. IYKYK

the pictures of those 2 wolves are hilarious

Minho (Tiger)

Unfortunately, Minho is considered a defect.

He looks like your stereotypical tiger.

It's just the tip of his tail is white instead of black

In his human form, he has brown eyes that turn yellow when he's in a bad mood

His "defect" is his hair. It's dark brown which makes the orange in his ears stand out.

Believe it or not, he prefers to come out at night.

He doesn't mind the day as long as it isn't hot.

Occasionally, he'll sunbathe, but it's seemingly random.

He, unlike most tigers, doesn't like water. He can take showers and baths, but big bodies of water are a no.

He can't see the bottom. He isn't getting in the water.

He still likes the knowledge of having access to a lake. Preferably a private lake.

His animal form is almost 9 feet at a weight of 650 something pounds. The weight is healthy for his tiger form.

If you thought Chan needed a lot of meat, then Minho is a nightmare. ;-;

Tigers require 88 lbs per week. :)

Since he's a hybrid, he can eat at least 75 lbs. Which is 1200 ounces...

His weight is perfect for snuggling, but his weight is painful if he lays on you.

He doesn't like roaring because it's loud. He grunts and uses chuffs to communicate.

If you are ever cold, just lay on him.

Tiger fur can get so hot that steam might come off their fur when in the snow.

He isn't very sociable and prefers his own space. He doesn't mind you or the boys, but it's obvious if he doesn't like someone.

You know that thing cats do with their tail when they feel mischievous?

The tip of the tail starts flicking but everything else is still?

That's Minho.

You always know when he's done some stupid shit or is about to

Changbin (Hare/Jack Rabbit)

He has brown fur with a white tummy

He gives off Thackery the hare from Alice In Wonderland 2010 vibes

He thumps, in both human and animal form, when he feels endangered or if he wants something

Usually, it's because he wants something

As an animal, he does the binky thing where rabbits jump high in the air

He only does it when he's extremely happy

Sometimes, his legs kick off too high, and he falls forward, like in the picture on the right.

When he's angry, he'll sit on his hind legs with his paws up like he's about to start boxing

When he's annoyed, he'll flick his feet and walk away

Sometimes, he'll kick whatever or whoever is irritating him (like in the first picture)

If he starts nibbling on you while in animal form, it's a sign of affection

Speaking of nibbling, rabbits eat 2-3% of their weight in vegetables.

He's a big boy, so... yeah... have fun. :)

Side note, he's very cuddly.

He rivals Jisung in his attachment to you

He will change into his animal form so it's easier for him to be close to you

Sometimes he'll go flying around the room

Kind of like the zoomies but for bunnies

He is a little dramatic

When he's really relaxed and feels safe, he'll flop over

If he's in animal form, he just does it. Doesn't matter where he is

If he's in human form, he'll flop on the nearest soft object or on the nearest person

Hyunjin (Ferret)

His fur is mostly brown, but he has 2 white rings of fur on his face with a brown spot under one of his eyes.

In human form, his hair is brown, and his animal ears have a white rim.

He's so hyper.

If he isn't running or jumping around the room, he's asleep in a dark space.

Probably under the covers or in a drawer somewhere

Ferrets eat 5-7% of their weight a day.

As a hybrid, he can eat 4% of his weight a day and still be considered healthy.

I recommend just feeding him 5% to be on the safer side.

Ferrets have poor vision. Unfortunately, Hyunjin has poor vision in both his forms.

He wears contacts in human form.

He will snuggle under your clothes and against your skin

If you have a bigger chest, he'll lay between your tits/pecks

If your chest his flatter, then he'll curl up on the left side so he can hear your heart better

When he wants to play, he'll run at people and then quickly run off

He'll keep repeating this until they get the message

When he's angry, he glares and hisses at whatever is causing his anger

He makes cute chitter noses and sniffs when he's curious

Just like other ferrets, he squints when he's sick

Don't get scared if you try to wake him and he doesn't move.

When he sleeps, he's GONE!

He won't wake up until his body is ready.

I like the idea that he scrunches his nose when he's confused

Like genuinely confused. Not "What are you doing?" Confused

I'm talking "What the hell is this thing?" confused

Shit you not! If you have salty skin or a hybrid safe lotion on, he'll lick you. Both in animal form and in human form

He has to be near sleep to start licking you as a human, though

Ferrets kiss, by the way

It's how they show affection

So don't be surprised if you get grabbed and you feel thick lips smack your cheek

He's just giving you a little appreciation, that's all :)

Sometimes, Hyunjin likes to be difficult in his human form

So, like a ferret, if he wants something, he will stare at you.

When you acknowledge him, and you will, he'll repeated glance at what he wants

He refuses to verbalize it until you either get it correct or he's tired of you guess incorrectly.

All just depends on his mood and how generous he's feeling that moment

Ferrets with splay out and sigh when they're sad

It's so fucking cute

Hyunjin does the same thing but on top of you

If you're working on something, like a laptop or iPad, then he'll flop onto that.

Or he'll flop onto your book or something

When you're wearing a hoodie, he'll hide away from the others in your pocket

So make sure it has the one pocket thing and not 2

He can still fit in the smaller ones but he wants the space

Jisung (Squirrel)

He is a ground-dwelling squirrel.

He is usually found sitting on Tiger Minho's head.

Like other squirrels, he is terrified of owls

"Why would someone need to look that scary?! Or turn its head that much?!"

Squirrels do this thing called caching. It's where they find and hide food.

I shit you not! He hides so much food around the house.

He doesn't need a lot of food, but he will gladly stuff his face full.

If you have to travel, then take him with you. He loves to travel and hates being left by himself.

Doesn't matter if you're leaving him with the others. He wants to go with you.

Sometimes he'll sit directly on top of you or pressed against you.

You have no personal space.

If you don't like physical affection, let him down gently please.

He doesn't want to be the cause of your discomfort, so tell him in the most fragile way possible

With that being said, he will use his face to get out of trouble

Quickly turning into his animal form and acting cute so you won't be angry

If that doesn't work, then he's dipping

I'm talking hightailing it out the room and into the backyard

You won't see him until dinner or it's bedtime

Speaking of bedtime, he wants you to tuck him in

So please do it. Give him a kiss on each cheek and then one on his forehead and he'll be good to go.

DON'T TUCK THE BLANKET IN

It makes him feel trapped and like he's in a cage.

Makes him more likely to have nightmares, too.

Felix (Ginger Cat)

Felix is also, unfortunately, considered a defect.

His fur is a golden orange color with lighter stripes.

His eyes look green in the sun, but they're amber.

His "defect" is also from his human form.

His hair is blond like the strips, so his ears stick out. His freckles are also, unfortunately, considered a "flaw."

Most people think when a cat rubs its head against you, it's a sign of affection, which it is, but it's also them marking their territory.

They're scenting you and showing ownership over you.

It's how cats show pride in their belongings :)

If you let him out of the house to hunt, he will return with "food" for you.

He doesn't really think much of it. It's just his cat's side telling you you're family.

I guarantee you'll walk in on Felix either biting the shit out of a toy or him chasing Hyunjin around the room.

Did you know that cats knead because of their early days of nursing?

Kittens would knead at their mothers to encourage milk production. Adult cats knead to show content or to calm down.

Think of it as Felix feeling safe with you.

Felix is the definition of "If I fits, I sits"

If you're curled up on the couch, then he's curled up in the space behind your knees and thighs.

Small spaces make cats feel safe, so be sure to give Felix spots to hide in.

It helps with his natural instinct to ambush.

If Felix stares at you with thin pupils, try not to stare back.

It's his inner cat on high alert, and it could take that as you threatening him.

Meanwhile, slow blinks are kitty kisses.

If you slowly blink back at Felix, he'll do it repeatedly if he's in cat form. If he's in human form, he'll latch onto you and give you cuddles.

If Felix's nightly zoomies irritate you, feed him before you go to bed, make sure he tires himself out before bed, or get him a food puzzle.

Nightly zoomies are leftover energy mixed with their instinct to hunt during the night.

Airplane ears!

If Felix's ears are just sitting up, then he's listening to his surroundings. If his ears are flicking around, then he's agitated or dealing with anxiety.

Either peacefully help him or leave him alone. If he's in cat form, then leave him alone. He'll come to you if he wants to.

Felix knocks things over only when he is bored, as other cats do. It fascinates him to see things topple over. If you want Felix to stop, find a way to entertain him.

When he flops onto your things, it's him scenting your stuff to show you're his and a sign he wants attention.

When the tip of Felix's tail twitches it can mean he's curious or he's hunting. It'll go away when he calms down.

Seungmin (Golden Retriever)

Golden Retriever

A sassy, playful ball of golden fur. He needs frequent exercise and sheds a lot.

Unlike your stereotypical golden retriever, Seungmin's fur is more soft wheat than golden yellow.

His floppy ears blend with his hair when in human form.

Seungmin doesn't like to be left alone. He won't tell you to stay. He will follow you around.

Seungmin doesn't actively seek out strangers. If someone tries to pet him, then he'll move away.

He also doesn't jump on people and hates when others jump on him.

He's not as social as your average Golden Puppy.

I recommend having a big yard for him to run around if you don't have one for the bigger animals.

Please make sure you feed him the proper amounts. He won't hesitate to raid the fridge if he's hungry.

When he grabs things with his mouth, he's extremely careful.

Softly grabbing your arms or a book to move it out of the way.

He'll share his food with you if you beg enough. He won't actively go out of his way to feed you unless you're ill.

If he's being "Destructive" it's because he isn't stimulated enough.

He needs more mental and physical exercise.

He doesn't have separation anxiety unless you decide to give him a terrible backstory on how you found him.

Otherwise, he's pretty confident that you'll come back home.

If something comes up, you'll communicate the issue and a general idea of when you might be home.

If you don't, he'll be pissed.

It's like breaking a pinky promise. Don't do that.

He'll bop you in the face

Jeongin (Fennec Fox)

Fennec Fox

He's got big ass ears and they grow to accommodate his head in human form (Minho thinks it's hilarious)

He's got a cream color hair with white streaks in them

You can barely see the streaks, but the others tell you they're there

He's such a smart cookie until he gets in his animal form.

Then it's like he lost all brain cells except one. That 1 brain cell alternates between Hyunjin, Changbin, and Jeongin. Occasionally, Jisung will get it.

He kind of just rolls around

He's just there, chilling in the silence or the chaos

In animal form, he'll curl up on your lap or on the bed

If you're in an office, pull up a chair next to you and he'll lay in that instead

He may think you're mad at him, but just giving him rubs or head pats and he's good

He's kind of like a cat

You have to gage his moods

If he doesn't want to be touched, he'll look at you as you touch him like the picture on the left

Just "Mittens off, human" paws crossed and everything

Buy him clothes for his animal form. PLEASE

He loves them

Go to Pinterest or something and look up fennec fox in clothes or something and it's so flipping cute

You know that dolphin screech Jeongin does? That but in animal form...

The picture on the right for the header of this post?

That's him when he has too much energy, but no thoughts to put into action

As a human, he's like your average Jeongin, but with big ass fluffy ears and tail.

Sometimes he knocks stuff over with his tail and he's so sorry

After something crashed, you can hear him whine in the kitchen from your bedroom

The others don't tease him as much as they could because they know he's genuinely sad about it

Not insecure, but definitely annoyed with himself for messing something up again

Reassure him please.

Don't make it too obvious because then he'll shut down and tune you out

Not intentionally, it's just his brain's self defense.

It doesn't want to be reminded of his mistakes.

It's the main reason why he likes staying in his animal form.

This was fun

©️DEANAMEANTAE2024

[97keanu]

winter-themed phone sex w/ Dave Lizewski? like, y/n and Dave had plans to see each other but then a snowstorm hits and both of them are stuck in their own houses, so they have phone sex?

*˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳WAIT I LOVE THIS ONE!!! A few years of a LDR has me basing this one on some experience... 🤭

. ｡✩Tags/CW: dave and reader college au, boyfriend!Dave, circa 2010s vibes, skype s*x, mutual m*sturbation, dirty talk, I think usually Dave is a sub but today I'm feeling surprising dom!Dave(oh the confidence you can find behind a screen...), belt kink, talk of spanking/choking/slapping, semi aggressive talk, d*ldo use, cozy end.

"So, I'll see you tonight after your last class?" Dave asks, pushing his glasses up and leaning against the wall near you to try to ask suave.

You've both just exited your last shared class of the day. You reach up and pull his hat down over his ears, knowing he's going out in that cold weather today. It's been freezing, but no sign of anything else.

"Yes! I'll be headed over to your dorm soon as my night class is done." You smile, fixing your own cold weather garments before leaning in to sneak a quick kiss.

Dave's eyes flutter behind his glasses as you kiss him, practically melting into your lips. He knows it's kind of embarrassing to kiss in front of all the other students trying to get out of their own for the day, but he also kind of likes than everyone can see someone as gorgeous as you being the one to kiss him.

You give his hand one last squeeze and head off so you aren't late to your next class.

You're checking the clock over and over, practically aching to get out of class. Night has set so early as it does in December, and from your seat by the window, you can see the flurries of snow getting larger. Everyone is rushing, packing up quickly to try to beat the snow, but by the time you get outside, there's already more than a few inches.

You fight against a wicked wind that blinds you in a cloud of white as you try to get to your car. Your cheeks burn red from the cold, and you quickly brush off as much of the heavy blanket of snow on your car as you can before it starts to fill up with white again.

You weren't one to keep an eye on the weather, but when you finally hop into your car, you check your texts, seeing a million from Dave asking if your class was cancelled or not. You crank the heat of your car and wait for it to warm up, taking a moment to call your boyfriend.

"Babe! All you alright? Should I call a snow plow to come save you?" Dave's voice is half alarmed, half joking when he answers.

"No, no, I'm fine!" You laugh and assure him, knowing your big truck has four wheel drive and you're not unused to this weather. "But I'm not sure I can make it over tonight..."

"I totally understand..." Dave says, despite the pouting tone in his voice. "But I'll miss you..."

"I feel the same way," you say, leaning against your foggy car window. "Maybe I can make it up to you later this weekend if the snow clears."

"Yeah," Dave says with a sigh, then begins again as if he's had an idea. "Well, hey! Maybe we could try out having one of those virtual dates if you can't physically come!"

"Oh really? And what does that entail?"You laugh, not someone who's super tech savvy yourself for these things.

"W-Well," Dave says nervously, unsure it this would interest you. "We could each set up a little dinner in front of a Skype call and watch each other through our webcams? Maybe watch a movie together if we hit play at the same time?"

You think for a moment. It actually doesn't sound like a bad idea, and it's not like you really have much to do when you get home either besides maybe study and bundle up from the cold.

"That actually sounds really sweet..." You say with a smile into the phone. "I'm going to drive home, but you get it all set up for when I get there!"

"You got it!" You can tell just by his voice how excited Dave is.

. ｡✩

You finally arrive home, taking twice the time as usual from the low visibility and your cautious driving. You're lucky to have made it, there were a few cars on the side of the road having had swerved and gotten stuck in sudden snow banks. You pound your boots on the entrance mat, trying to get as much snow off them as possible. You shake a flurry off white off your body and peel yourself from your scarf, hat, and coat.

Finally, you're free, taking the time to send Dave a text about your arrival and your plan to make dinner then meet him for your Skype date.

You settle upstairs with a big mug of cocoa and a few slices of left over pizza finally, and get set up in front of your computer. The good news about dating Dave was that he had helped you completely outfit and build a PC that could do just about anything, despite the fact that you only really use it for school, YouTube, and the occasional minecraft server with him. He also had a webcam installed so that you could take your online classes as well, or give him a call if you felt the need.

You strip down to just a big comfy sweater and a pair of lacy red panties, happy that the webcam only sees your upper half. You made sure to turn up the heat in your apartment, so with the vent beneath the desk, you feel perfectly cozy after a rough time in the treacherous snow.

You quickly figure out how to use Skype once more, and before you know it, Dave appears on your screen. He's in his dorm room, outfitted with only the most prestigious nerdy memorabilia on the walls and shelves behind him. He looks more than happy to see you, giving a big smile.

"It worked! Awesome! You ready for our dinner date, babe?" His voice comes through your headphones, and for a moment, a chill runs down your spine as you remember how sexy you find it.

"Of course," you say with a smile and raise your plate and mug to the camera.

Dave does the same, showing a can of Coke and a bowl of Mac and Cheese. Then he pauses as if he forgot to mention something.

"Oh! Of course, our dinner wouldn't be a date if it wasn't candle lit!" He pulls a tiny candle into frame, its small light flickering on the screen.

You laugh, finding the effort a tad romantic, and mainly happy to still be able to spend some time with him.

"So, I picked out one of your favorite movies for us to watch. I'll send you a link!" He works something on his keyboard and screen and you wonder if he really knows you well enough to find a favorite of yours.

You click the link he sends and audibly squeal.

"What! I love The Princess Bride! How did you find it?" You hadn't seen it on any streaming service in so long, so you were surprised he could pull it up with ease.

"I have my ways..." Dave says with a small blush then pressing his glasses back up once again.

The two of you chat about your day, you telling him about the wicked snow storm, and how you barely made it home. He tells you about his latest comic he's been reading, and you enjoy hearing his interest in things he's passionate about. Your mug of cocoa warms your hands and you find your little date to be not quite as good as just being together, but the next best thing.

Eventually, you two start the movie by counting down and pressing play at the same time. You get comfortable, and find yourself loving this time together while the wind rages on outside your bedroom windows.

About half way through the movie, you get up to grab a pillow from your bed to get comfortable with, and forget that the camera can see much more than it did before when you walk away from it. You hear Dave's breath catch in your headphones.

"What?" You laugh, still bending over your bed to grab your pillow, ass now completely void of any sweater coverage.

"I-um..." Dave clears his throat nervously, then tries to be a bit suave. "I didn't know you would have worn those to see me tonight, they look good on you..."

Your body freezes and you turn to the camera, where your lingerie is overly apparent. You're not sure if you should be embarrassed or not! Dave is your boyfriend, so of course he's seen you naked before, but something about the fact that it's on camera has you pulling your sweater down and heat in your cheeks.

"Aw, c'mon, you don't have to hide it..." Dave continues, his nerdy voice obviously entranced by your form.

You carefully get back in your seat, not showing anything uncouth anymore.

"Oh my god..." Your face is so red, you wish he couldn't see it right now. "I can't believe I flashed you like that, I'm sorry, I forgot how much this thing can see."

"Hey...I think it's kind of hot that I can see you like that, even when you're far away..." Dave smirks and you have to admit, the thought is starting to turn you on too.

You decide to toy with him, leaning back in your office chair so he can just barely see your thighs. You watch as Dave leans closer to the screen, obviously entranced by your figure. You lift your sweater ever so delicately, slowly revealing those panties that made him so interested in the first place.

"Like this?" You ask coyly, as if you're completely innocent as to what you're doing.

"Y-yes." Dave stammers out, and you think his glasses will practically fog up from how red his cheeks are getting.

"If you want to see more," you say with a smirk playing on your lips. "I think it's only fair I see some of you..."

You didn't think it was possible, but Dave's blush deepens even more. He pulls back a bit from the screen and tries to laugh it off how worked up he is right now.

"O-oh! I mean, I uh..." Dave's hand reaches back and gives his dark curls a toss. "If that's, wh-what you want..."

"Now who's the one being shy?" You say, raising an eyebrow and letting your sweater drop back onto your thighs in protest.

Dave tries to come up with answer to that one, and fails. He clearly wants to see more from you, however, and he repostions his webcam so you can see more of his body. Particually, his lap. Through his jeans, you can see just how hard you've made him with so little. You love how easy it is to rile him up like this.

"Sh-should I do a little striptease for you?" He jokes, but you think that's actually not a half bad idea.

"Maybe...at least take it off slowly..." You reply.

Dave begins to lift his shirt, but you stop him.

"Let's start with your pants. That way, we're even..." You play with the hem of your sweater while giving him your best doe eyes.

He concedes, standing so that most of his waist takes up the camera. You find yourself leaning in now, a wetness growing between your legs as he takes off his belt in such a perfect way. He snaps it jokingly and laughs, but pauses when he sees your reaction.

"What? Should I spank you with this next time I see you?" Dave snaps the belt again and watches as you bite your lip coyly.

"I wouldn't say no..." You say appreciating your boyfriends figure as he slowly unbuttons his jeans.

His confidence continues, and you find yourself being turned on more and more as he unzips and slowly removes his jeans.

"Maybe I will bend you over my knee and treat you like the bad girl you are..." You know he still has a wave of laughing it off just in case you're not into the dirty talk he's starting, but you sense he's also getting into himself, especially with how hard and large his cock looks beneath his underwear.

"I'd like that..." You murmur, entranced by the screen before you. "I think you should tell me how you would punish me if you were here..."

"I would, um..." Dave tries to find the words, working it out. "I would turn you over and spank you until my handprint remains..."

You give a small moan to what he's said, your hands gripping your breasts and thighs over your clothing. You hear Dave's breathing pull in sharply, and you know this must be turning him on as much as you. You pull back your sweater once more, those red panties looking tantalizing on you once more.

"T-that's right... Take more off for me..." Dave's voice wavers as he tries to find a commandeering tone, but you oblige your sweet boyfriend just this once.

"Do you have any uh, toys?" Dave questions you, voice getting huskier by the second.

"Oh...? Why, do you wanna see me play with myself?" Dave is already nodding before you're finished, and you can see the need filling his blue eyes.

You stand, letting him get another view of your ass as you pull your typical toy from your nightstand. You see Dave blush once more as he gets a gander at your large pink dildo.

You sit, opening your legs so Dave can get a good view of your cunt, your red panties already starting to be soaked through. Dave had been rubbing himself over his boxers, but upon seeing so much of you, you watch with excitment as he slowly lets his cock flop out. You know youve seen it before, but his fat cock always surprises you with how girthy and thick it is.

"Take off your sweater." Dave commands, his deep and voice full of want.

You do as he says, realize the air of being unserious about this has shifted. Suddenly, you feel very inclined to do whatever your boyfriend tells you to.

You watch as Dave strokes himself, the tip of his cock growing wet just from seeing your tits fall out of your sweater so nicely. You weren't wearing a bra underneath, so he gets a nice view of them immediately. You hear him hold back a moan, his hands working just a bit faster once he sees your full figure.

"Tell me what you want to do to me..." You whisper into your headset mic, and you watch as Dave struggles between his own pleasure and dirty talking for a moment.

"I...I want to lay you on your bed and fuck you harder than I ever have..." He says it as if he's admitting it to himself his own dominating tendency.

Usually, Dave was pretty submissive in bed, and you liked that about him, but right now, something inside both of you wanted him to be the one to take control. You slide your hands up and down your body, feeling your own tits and pretending it's him.

"I want to be on top and see your face when you take such a big cock..." Dave mutters while biting his lip to keep another moan back.

Your legs feel tingly, and a shiver runs up your spine as you hear such little whimpers from him so close to your ears right now.

"Oh yeah? Tell me more..." You encourage him, and he takes it happily.

"I want to grab you by the neck, and make sure you know that it's me who's fucking you so good... I want to watch you choke a little while I fuck your brains out." You're a bit surprised by his new wants, but you don't mind.

In fact, you wish he would say more, say something really dirty and wrong that he would want to do to you.

"Let me see it..."

You already know what he wants, but your still tease him by slowly dragging your red panties to the side so he can get a good look at your glistening cunt. A groan escapes him when you do.

"Fuck...I need to fuck you so bad..." You love how easy it is to get him here.

"What else would you do?" You let your pretty pink dildo slide up and down your slit, teasing but not entering.

"I want to see you stuffed and filled with my cock, I want to slap away any moans you make from it, even though you can't help expressing how badly you want it..." Dave leans back into his chair as he speaks, hand still working himself, but getting lost in the moment.

"I want you to slap me until my cheeks go red..." You admit, and you can tell by his little sounds how much he wants that too. "Tell me what a dirty whore I am..."

"God, you're such a dirty whore...my personal little slut that I use up when ever I want to." Dave opens his eyes and watches you play with yourself for a moment.

"Put it in. I want you to stretch yourself out on your toy and imagine it's me, slut..." He finally commands you in such a way that there's no thought of even denying him.

Not with how badly you want this right now.

You let your toy slide in deeper to your folds, going past your most precious point, and deeper. You let your legs open wide for the camera, showing off your little cunt taking such a big dildo as yours. Dave watches intently, loving seeing you do exactly what he says, loving seeing you so filled up when he can't do it himself.

"Fuck yourself for me. I want you to moan my name and beg me to let you cum..." Dave is getting closer himself, the tip of his cock red and engorged as he strokes on.

You let your free hand play with your clit, slow circles quickly getting faster and faster as you take more and more of your own pleasure. You fuck yourself deeper, letting your toy really work your cunt in ways only you know feel best. You feel your skin prickling against the cool air now that your sweater cannot warm you against the cold of your apartment. You hit just the right spot inside of yourself, and Dave's name comes from your lips. You imagine it's him, fucking you into this computer chair, his hand around your throat.

"That's it, be a good little fucking slut and show me how you play with yourself..." Dave continues to entice you towards cumming.

"You better not cum without begging me though...you got that, bitch?" You can't believe your sweet, nerdy boyfriend could growl something so mean to you, but that's what makes this even better.

"Yes," You moan, agreeing to his terms.

"Good. You know how to be a proper whore then..." He sighs while he takes a moment to watch you, his own cock wanting nothing more than release right now.

"And if you don't cum for me now, I'll have to edge you relentlessly later." Dave threatens, and you feel yourself getting closer.

"Fuck, Dave..." You squirm in your seat, your cunt overwhelmed and swollen from how much attention you're giving it right now.

"That's right, baby girl..." He encourages you.

"I'm...I'm going to cum..." You whisper as you find yourself coming undone. "Please, please let me cum...!"

Your voice quivers and begs, your body spasming but holding off as you were told. Dave let's you keep it up for a few moments, stroking his own cock harder than ever, before groaning out.

"Cum for me..."

You feel those three magic words work their way against your skin, and suddenly, you're falling over the edge, waves of pleasure across your body, blossoming from your tender cunt. You watch as Dave finds his own pleasure, cum leaking out and eventually shooting down his hand, a low moan escaping his lips. You both ride out your orgasms together, and when you're done, there's nothing but the sound of heavy breathing and the snow storm raging outside.

You both take a minute, before agreeing to take a moment to clean up. You both snap off the camera. You trot on liquid legs to your bathroom and for a moment, you can't believe you just did that. You had never had phone sex, let alone letting Dave see you so vulernable with yourself. You're still surprised by his sudden dominating energy, but you find yourself now yearn to enact what you two talked about. You'll have to bring it up next time you're over. You hope he isn't too shy when the camera isn't on.

Eventually you come back to your virtual date night, having a new mug of hot cocoa ready, and half of The Princess Bride to finish. You get the pillow you originally were going for before being sidetracked, and feel cozier and more close to Dave than ever despite the physical distance. Dave doesn't even mind when you fall asleep in your chair just before the credits roll. He leaves his computer on, but snuggles up in his bed, telling you goodnight from there and leaving his headset on to hear your soft breaths.

Maybe the snow storm wasn't so bad after all...

Taglist: @lazyneonrabbitt @nikistan @remuslupinsno1slut @haha-im-dumb @shakedogshake @beep-boop-baby @aesniri @pinkyyy666 @lpeanut-butterl @shrekscrustybudassy @lookatmelookatme @dreary-salem @almostjollypizza @boo8008 @arabellacrybaby @imaslutforcuddles @yasugardaddieshouse @real-sharena-h @stilloverthinking @tvgirlsbluehair @magicalgoopdeanhuman @jazmin25 @sknnylgndsstuff @lenasdmns @iluvkr @d3psta @sinjinpools @whotfistaylor @mut4nts @loser-lover0527 @vselva-blog @adrienette715 @jayjay57 @gildedgwen @izzyisstuff @casuallycruel-tswiftie13 @winter-bearv

[tozettastone]

Fantasy Novels Recommended By Vibes

A note about warnings and assumptions: I have given no content warnings, but most of these books have them, usually for violence or sexism. Except the middle grade books. I have assumed everyone knows who Tolkien and Jordan and Le Guin and GRRM are and does not require me to recommend them once more. I have also assumed that everyone following me has read and enjoyed the trashiest of fanfiction at some point or other.

Now, let's go.

"I want something that feels like reading the unhinged fanfiction of a 16 year old girl, but written by and for adults so the sex scenes don't make me feel deeply uncomfortable."

Oh boy. Okay. Don't worry, I've got you.

The Black Jewels trilogy by Anne Bishop. High fantasy. If you like to categorise things you will love the worldbuilding in this. Weird and gender essentialist, although not in the way you might expect.

The Merry Gentry series by L K Hamilton. Urban fantasy. Degrades in quality over time. I would say: read the first two, and then continue at your discretion depending on your tolerance.

"Do you have a version of this that is not quite so focused on sex as worldbuilding?"

I do, I do. Not everything that reads like unhinged fanfiction must automatically contain smut.

A Deadly Education and The Last Graduate by Naomi Novik. It's billed as adult fantasy, but it reads like YA. If you like 2010s fanfiction and wish it were better written more often, you'll love these two.

Any book by Mercedes Lackey will read exactly like fanfiction. I make no comments as to technical quality, but if you like hurt/comfort idfic, you will like these. If you're looking for a zero-romance, one-book introduction to these books, I'd try Brightly Burning.

"That's still a bit too adult. I want something that's fine to read with kids, too!"

Sure! Fantasy loves YA and kids' books, haha.

The Dark Is Rising sequence by Susan Cooper. Middle grade fantasy, leaning heavily on English folklore.

Legendborn by Tracy Deonn. Young adult urban fantasy. Concerned with the legacy of slavery in the US.

The Old Kingdom trilogy by Garth Nix. Young adult high fantasy. The pacing is strong, the worldbuilding is rad.

Tithe by Holly Black. Young adult fantasy. Her later books are better loved but I reread Tithe and then went and read The Cruel Prince for the first time this year and Tithe is better.

The Tortall books by Tamora Pierce. I like The Immortals, but reasonable minds will differ on this one. Middle grade high fantasy.

The Black Magician trilogy by Trudi Canavan. High fantasy, young adult.

"Okay, now I want young adult fantasy like that, but weird."

Weird. Hmm. Okay. Try:

The Tooth Fairy by Graham Joyce. Horror and fantasy, young adult, but not like... too young an adult. Give it to a 15 year old, not a 10 year old.

"That's... too weird. Put some weird back. I want something suitable for teens that's committed to the aesthetics of weirdness, but is not actually weird."

Alright, here are a couple:

Anatomy: A Love Story by Dana Schwartz. Historical fantasy, definitely young adult. The grizzly aesthetics of 19th century graverobbing are a gossamer veil over a cute, but not particularly sophisticated, YA novel.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. Middle grade fantasy. Less weird than it thinks it is, but still fun to read.

"Enough kids' stuff. I want fast-moving urban fantasy!"

Urban fantasy occupies a weird nexus between fantasy and detective noir, which I'm kinda into. Here are my suggestions:

I think everyone who wants urban fantasy is probably aware of the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, but I'll put it here anyway because there's a big fandom for the Dresden Files so if you stick it out for a bit you get access to all the fics. The first one will take you 3.5 hours and if you don't like it, move on — the writing doesn't really change. Also has a TV series.

The Felix Castor novels by Mike Carey. Urban fantasy, a little more grim, but definitely better written.

Rivers of London by Ben Aaronovitch. Urban fantasy. Main character is a police officer. I recently finished the first of these books and it was pretty fun, but I can't speak to the remainder of the series.

"Tozette, I fucking loved True Blood."

You're in luck, I can make this a whole category.

I bet you've heard of the Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris already, but if you haven't, it's what the TV series was based on. Urban fantasy, but actually kind of rural.

Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter by L K Hamilton. Urban fantasy. Another LKH series that starts fun and degrades rapidly. The first three are fun, they come in an omnibus. I was obsessed with this series when I was 17, which both is and isn't a recommendation. Again, this series has a large fandom.

Dime Store Magic and Industrial Magic by Kelley Armstrong. Urban fantasy. The rest of the Women of the Otherworld series is hit or miss for me, but I do recall liking No Humans Involved.

The Blood Books by Tanya Huff. Urban fantasy. Read if you've ever wished Harry Dresden was female. Also has a TV series!

"Do you have some traditional high fantasy recommendations that aren't Tolkien, Robert Jordan, GRRM, or Ursula K Le Guin? Please?"

Absolutely. Of course. One hundred per cent.

The Elenium trilogy by David & Leigh Eddings. High fantasy. Technically there's also a sequel trilogy, but it's not as good.

The First Law trilogy by Joe Abercrombie. High fantasy. Lots of high fantasy politics.

Urshurak by The Bros. Hildebrandt. High fantasy. Extremely Tolkien inspired but with more amazon women in metal bikinis.

The Books of Pellinor by Alison Croggon. High fantasy. There's four of them and while I wouldn't say they're my favourite books ever, I do think they're a solid, competently written high fantasy series that will stop you from contemplating the horrors of reality for at least three days.

The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski. High fantasy. A great rearrangement of European folklore. I struggled with the representations of women, personally, but they're well constructed stories.

"Recommend something that's fantasy but feels like a totally different genre."

Okay. I can do that. Here you go:

The Chronicles of the Crystal Singers of Ballybran by Anne McCaffrey. It's a trilogy that's set in space and therefore engages with a sci-fi kind of vibe, but if you scratch the surface, the trilogy is fantasy all the way down.

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward by HP Lovecraft. Horror, but also historical fantasy.

The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde. The first three books of the Thursday Next series are gold, actually, but start here. This is about a literary detective living in an alternative history setting. Fantasy, but ideal for people who are going to get the rapid fire literary references.

"Tozette, what if you just recommend a single fantasy book, writer, or series, with your whole heart?"

My WHOLE heart? Okay. Here:

Johannes Cabal the Necromancer, Johannes Cabal the Detective, and Johannes Cabal: the Fear Institute by Jonathan L Howard are each different subgenres of fantasy, and all three of them are absolute fucking bangers. They are the best books on this list according to me. I love them.

[goldsbitch]

Just don't talk--

-and come over. p3 to Just don't talk

summary: Enemies to lovers on steroids. Lando can't stand Y/N, the first female driver in F1. He also can't stand not having her with her clothes on.

warnings: minors do not interact, cursing, a bit of smau...just generally don't take this one too seriously

The following week marked a u-turn in the media strategy of McLaren and Aston Martin. Another set of meetings, very quick as nobody wanted to open a can of worms or cause even more talk on the topic of Y/N and Lando. They studied the material shot for the F1 - and the consensus was to stop the Lando x Y/N part being released out as it gave off strange vibes. It was a mix of pure lack of chemistry and then a sudden spike of sexual tension and a 180 shift. In all fairness it was a bit uncomfortable to watch for the media teams, who had to analyse people they were in direct daily contact.

No unnecessary contact. No joined interviews. Keeping them as apart as possible. Gone were the days where teams would use the sexual tension as a selling point. Times have changed, this would fly really well in 2010's, but now anything of this sorts for a nightmare for PR. Y/N would be undermined. Lando put in a fuck boy category. It wasn't like anyone saw anything happen. None of the people initiating these meetings had even slightest idea that their worst nightmares were only a light version of the truth. If there was ever an elephant in a room, it was this time. Nobody dared to speak their mind. The whisper challenge video came out without the two. Having it cut and deleted from all hard drives was an order and nobody was to speak of it again.

Social media had been strangely quiet, focusing on race related topics. That was until Lando wore a short sleeve, his healing bite mark seeing the light of day and on display for thousands of eyes. How was one suppose to wear long shirts in hot ass countries they were constantly traveling to? Personally, he thought it was cool and there was even a point where he debated having it tattooed - owning the shit out of and taking the power away from Y/N. Max, his best friend, stopped him. But the thought still lingered back in his mind. It had been a little too long since their last night session. Jerking off was fine, but never good enough. The bite mark caused quite the stir among his fans, but he honestly gave little to no shit about that. He was not going to contact her first though. The last thing he would do is to simp up to her. So when there was a hot model present at one their random club night outs, he did not think twice. It was a little too easy for his liking, but he needed to blow some steam. He could have been discreet, he really could. But why? There was a part of him that was excited to see how this would resonate with Y/N. The violent make out outside the club really was not necessary. Especially when Lando knew that there was a photographer sitting nearby patiently, about to make a living out of a Lando's whim.

When Lando scrolled instagram the next morning, he has a little too proud smile on his face. He would never admit it out loud, not even to himself, that Y/N was on his mind when he fucked the brunette. Mediocre night at best. What worried him a bit was that bad sex was something he almost forgot existed. Of course that Y/N saw it. It was one of the first things that popped up on her phone that morning. It did not bother her. Not even closely. She just had a good energy streak, that was her reply to her trainer when she nearly broke the rowing machine at the gym. She uninstalled instagram later in the afternoon, trying to get the instagram girl's face out of her memory.

There was no way she'd be the one texting him for a late night hook up now. Maybe it was for the better in the end. Focusing on racing only now and even potentially beating him on the track. Night got a little too lonely without the option to have him over, on her and under her. She tried baking, reading, got really into chemistry related youtube videos, yet drinking and working out seemed to be the only thing to really work.

Two long weeks passed until she finally received a text. She ignored that her heart skipped a beat when she saw his name on her phone screen.

"Bro. What are we going to do now?"

She rolled her eyes. What a lame ass opening. No point in playing the waiting game, so she replied immediately. She could care less.

"Aw, got bored and miss some quality fucking?" She second guessed the text right after sending. Was that too desperate? She thew the phone away for few minutes. One late night unnecessary coffee later, she picked it right back up.

"No, you little shit. You not on socials or what?"

A screenshot followed.

There were PR nightmares and there was this kind of disaster. Instagram and Tik Tok got installed back immediately. She watched some cuts and edits from their video, low quality snips that were not giving any full image. Comment after comment, the creativity not being of concern to anyone. All of the same note. Is there more to their obvious dislike of each other? There were only few who were concern by why did most of the leak footage give such a hostile vibe. Lando's eye fucking was more of an attractive topic.

She scrolled for few minutes, watching a new shift on their public image unfold. It was mostly the hardcore fans, not really something the big outlets took interest in at the moment. But there was one theme that followed - people were curious. Panic set over her, mind started racing in all possible scenarios. And then did something for the first time - she dialed Lando's number. He picked up reluctantly.

"How did it get out?" she asked right away.

"Hello to you too. And the fuck would I know."

"Seems like something that would fit into your current portfolio, so yeah, I am asking directly."

Lando smiled proudly. She was jealous. Oh, what he would do to see her face now.

"Hate to disappoint, but I don't have the need for cheap attention." Liar, all he wanted was for her to notice him.

"Ok, assuming nobody from your team or my team did, who got it out?"

"I severely overestimated your ability to focus on the important thing here, apparently."

"So you tell me, Mr. Genius."

"Like I said before you invaded my evening by this panic phone call. What are we going to do? The last thing I'd want is for someone to find out...about us." It felt strange for both of them, to hear him say it like that. Like it wasn't a problem. Every time someone put them together in a sentence, it had been a bad connotation. But not his tone, this one time.

"Well, I don't know, I've only had a minute to process."

"Oh, take your time, of course. Time flies really slowly on social media, so yeah, I'd say you have about a year or so to react."

"Well, we're obviously not going to react anyway."

"I really hope they don't force us to. I'm getting sick of all the media team meddling in. It's their fault in the first place," he said, unamused.

"Yeah, you're right. Good defense, I will use that if they bring it up."

"Don't worry, you'll get my invoice for consulting in your email tomorrow."

"Aw, McLaren not paying enough?"

"I'm sorry, you're still at Aston, correct?"

"Shut it, Norris. So that's it? We'll just not react and let it go?"

"I mean, what else is there to do. Denying anything will only bring up more questions. It's not like people will believe we're friends."

"That, my friend, is true."

"I'm a smart boy, not only a sex god."

"Uhm." Trouble is that he really really was.

"So we'll just let it die out?"

"Yeah. When someone mentions it, we can say that we just don't get along and that's that."

"Great, no lie there."

There were few seconds of quiet tension. Panic was somehow over, but the high adrenaline stayed. It was late evening, their usual prime time. Would they? Should they? Y/N was debating whether she wanted to see Lando again with the vibe he was setting around himself lately putting her off a bit. But then there was the need for territorial claim. Built up energy that wanted to get out. Both of them silently trying to come up with a line good enough for Lando to come over and "dance" with Y/N in a way no friend would. Lando took a breath to speak, but Y/N was quicker.

"So, wanna come over for a work out?" He was over at her place within 25 minutes.

part 4

[centrally-unplanned]

Japanese website Forest Page is shutting down ~today, a tragic loss of "Heisei otaku memories", as so many are calling it. Launched in 2003, Forest Page was a "Geocities for mobile", a site that hosted user-created websites and gave them tools to allow non-coders to make them. In practice, it became one of the premiere places for fanfiction in Japan, with the stories hosted on author-created sites.

It wasn't quite the Fanfic.net of Japan, as for one the Japanese fandom just never centralized quite the way the 2000's western one did, instead being spread out over a half dozen or so sites. But additionally, it wasn't initially popular for fanfic so much as cell phone fanfiction, because in 2000's Japan the "cell phone novel" was a specific thing. These websites were being made for flip phones, not smartphones, and not only would people read them on those phones, they would often write them. None of that was very conducive to the creation and consumption of a "traditional" novel; so starting in the 2000's Japanese writers started making stories fit for the medium, namely:

Very short

A huge focus on dialogue and inner thoughts, with no/minimal description or scene detail

Using a limited POV of a specific character

Often employing the medium-as-message, like using emojis, structuring the story as IM's or emails, etc.

Also they all had huge gaps between lines, I'm not really sure what that is about:

Probably for readability on the phone given the small screen size? But it was absolutely part of the genre. A few of these novels actually made it big, got movie adaptations, people wrote articles about the "cultural phenomenon", it was the 2000's so Hiroki Azuma had a take on it of course, and so on. It slotted neatly into the vibe of the time of technology changing culture, paralleling discourse around otaku in the same era.

In fanfic those trends met up, and anyone familiar with fanfiction probably read that list of traits of the cellphone novel and thought "oh, this is perfect for fanfiction". Skipping out on description? I don't need it, I know what they look like already. Focus on conversation and POV? Perfect for shipping fics. Short lengths? Yeah, we are shortcutting to the good stuff, that is the point. Mirroring trends in the west, Forest Page's userbase was ~95% female, and the most common content on the site was romantic or edgy-dramatic stories in the franchises you'd expect. The closure page linked above actually summarizes the site's history by year, and lists the biggest fandoms:

Which is exactly what I would expect from a female otaku fanfiction website. Congrats to Pirates of the Caribbean for making it though, freeaboo's represent.

I do think the fact that the site was a website hoster as opposed to a fic hoster did align with the way the Japanese fandom was more "creator focused" and embraced the media mix more. There were "fic circles" a la doujin circles who made their own pages, people would make fanart, fan video games, and so own to host alongside it, and all of it was centralized to the creator; it made following them-as-a-person just a little bit easier. Most websites were simple text, but others did have the full Geocities experience:

Something that was somewhat common were basic visual novel concepts where the reader could make choices, or even insert their own name so they would be the "MC" of the story:

(Dream novels are in fact their own thing in Japan) My understanding is the site was quite popular through the 2000's and into the 2010's, though over time the "cellphone novel" as a concept fizzled out. People got smartphones, more people got PCs, and the constraints didn't make sense anymore - you can read ebooks and normal websites on your phone now after all. You can probably draw a line between these kind of stories and the webfiction/light novel boom of the late 2000's/2010's, something that was equally born on the internet, that streamlines the novel to "shortcut to the good stuff" but without the need to fit on a flip phone's screen. Though I will admit my own understanding of their histories shows them more as two sides of the same "youth demand for new literature" coin.

In 2017 Forest Page launched Forest Page Plus, a new service fully optimized for the smartphone era; but it did not transfer over all the old content, starting the clock ticking on the original Forest Page. My understanding is that in June they announced Forest Page was officially closing down; and from what I have gathered from reminiscing writers on twitter, they did not provide any easy, one-touch way to save any of the content, so people are archiving Wayback Machine links or sharing tips on how screenshot-save stories (I think the rub is they gave people a way to transfer content to FP+, but most don't want to do that, as places like Twitter & Pixiv are the content kings of this era).

As of tomorrow I would bet the large majority of the content will be gone; quite sad given both the quantity of stories there and how many got sometimes millions of readers. I am sure most of the biggest stories are archived at least, but particularly the early stuff was a very ephemeral genre, one that doesn't make sense to revisit once you aren't a 16 year old teen writing and reading fics on a flip phone in between classes. Which means another legion of the ghosts of the Wired is being born today. May we pour one out for a fellow online community that lived and died!

[fantastic-nonsense]

honestly as much as I bitch about TLJ specifically, I lowkey think the sequel trilogy was doomed no matter who tried to make them because they were made in Hollywood's peak "absolutely nothing we ever make can be sincere!" era, which is antithetical to how George Lucas approached making Star Wars.

One of the most interesting things about Star Wars has always been how absolutely sincere it was about its themes and message and everything that happens in the movies. Even if it's ridiculous, even if it's objectively silly, nothing is ever really treated as such within the movies themselves. A naive farmboy genuinely does have the skill to take down a planet killing weapon. A slave boy from a backwater planet really does have a key part to play in the fall of the Jedi. A group of three foot high killer teddy bears are treated as serious opponents to Imperial forces. Jar-Jar Binks gets to be a Senator with an instrumental, if small, part to play in the story of the prequels. Everything has its place and every part of the story is treated with equal sincerity.

But nearly everything made in the 2010s always had to be funny or meta or self-aware or subversive or self-depreciating about its message and the genre it occupied. There was always a twist. There was always a "I'm more clever than my audience" or "I know this is dumb, but watch it anyway" vibe being brought to the table. Everything always had to take at least one cheap shot at people who wanted to take a piece of media seriously and sincerely treat it as a story whose creators had something to say.

And meanwhile George Lucas was always just like "I have a story, and I want to tell that story. I don't care if people like it or don't like it. My themes are my themes, my message is my message, and you can just die mad about it if you think it's too naive or sincere."

Any world that is fundamentally built on sincerity and genuine belief in a core set of messages cannot maintain integrity when people who do not wholeheartedly believe in the sincerity of that world's message are put in charge of it. The lack of belief will always shine through. The lack of understanding will pervade every inch of the new entry. The sheepish embarassment of "I know this is dumb guys, but watch it anyway because I'm going to do something ~different~!" will always be the audience's takeaway over anything else the creative team tries to say. Because instead of just making a good movie that both logically follows the other ones and actually adds further depth to the existing themes, they're embarassed to even be trying.

Even apart from the utter lack of planning and the mess of executive meddling that went into the sequels...is it any wonder we got the end result we did when no one involved in the creative process actually genuinely, wholeheartedly believed in George Lucas's message and the story they were telling?

[beatleskinkmeme]

Summer of Love Fanworks-a-thon Master Post

Please check out these fanworks and leave a comment!

Grateful for him by @johangeorghohman

5 + 1 things, 5 times George wished that Paul never met John (because George has a big fat schoolboy crush on Paul) + 1 time he was grateful that they did met

everything to be discovered by @backbenttulips

John and Paul exploring a romantic relationship with each other during the 2000s-2010s, and navigating life as famous old people and grandparents.

the size of a loneliness by @backbenttulips

Brian survives his overdose in 1967. John and Paul come stay to make sure he gets better, taking care of him in their own emotionally inept way.

Knocking at Your Door by @eveepe

5+1 fic. When they’re kids George learns that an easy way to calm Paul down when he’s getting the horrors is to give him a quick little kiss on the mouth. It becomes his go to method to soothe Paul when he needs to.

I Fancy Me Chances With You by @hootiepgh

Paul participates in a charity auction during the 70s. “Bid on a date with Paul McCartney” John pays an absurd amount of money to win. Paul is shocked. They go on the date and they’re both very awkward, neither are sure why John paid so much and what it entails.

I'll Never Do You No Harm by @hootiepgh

Aftermath of the "I want a divorce meeting," when Mal drives Paul home. Paul is broken and crying. Mal calls John and tells him how upset Paul is. John comes over. All the angst please!

But as the words are leaving his lips, a noise comes from behind by @hootiepgh

Mid-1969, Allen Klein and the Beatles are having a private meeting with Allen still trying to convince them to have him be their manager. He gets really frustrated and lashes out at one or all of them, and in an act of self defense Paul, Ringo, George, and John end up accidentally killing him. Afraid of what might happen if anyone finds out, they all agree to cover up their involvement in the crime. Their personal lives/ marriages start to crumble as they're forced to rely on each other as the only people they trust. Would like the inclusion of McLennon and George X Ringo

If I Needed Someone by @hootiepgh

Paul gets shot during the 1966 Memphis concert. John (doesn't) deals with the angst and the guilt.

Taking Trophies by @m1ssunderstanding

AU where John and Paul see each other sooner, forced into confrontation around 1971 when things were at their worst with John spewing his anger to the public and Paul taken aback by it. Of course this leads to some post-breakup, angsty, possessive sex.

Everybody Loves Somebody by @bewareofdarkness

Soulmark AU, the four of them are soulmates

invisible string by @scurator

McHarrison boat vibes on the Queen Mary for the Venus and Mars release party. Um, bonus points for George showing off that he won Bob Dylan in the divorce

deeper than oceans you run by @timrothencrantz

AU where they went through with doing Beatle island and establish their commune (?) or whatever the plan was. Polyamory ensues. This either fixes everything or makes everything worse (or somehow both)

yellow, orange, and blue, i love you by @menlove

Soulmates au where one sees colour for the first time when you touch your soulmate. I believe it would be fun to see how this would play out. This one could be a fic, a comic page or even an illustration where the boys realise what happened when they introduce themselves, whatever the artist prefers!

take it away by @monkberryfields

Younger John meets an older Paul at a record shop. Paul offers to teach John how to tune his guitar and play a few chords but at a price...

Posy by @ohjohnnysblog

Mclennon does a roleplay where they pretend John is a shy virgin groupie. Bottom! John

Banana Milkshakes and Armpit Hair by @crepesuzette2023

Will someone finally come on Paul's eyelashes?

I ain't no fool, and I don't take what I don't want by @crepesuzette2023

Mal and Paul make love al fresco during one of their trips. Paul wears nothing but the flimsy scarf he's seen wearing here.

all by design by @forthlin

the classic “john and paul do increasingly sexual things with each other while coming up with increasingly elaborate justifications for why it’s not gay” scenario, except they both DO know that it’s gay, they just each think they’re pulling a fast one by convincing the other one that this is normal guys-being-dudes behavior.

I've Just Seen a Face by @javelinbk

when John met Paul

Meeting on the Turret Stairs by @sleeper9

a John/Paul moment backstage (Hamburg/touring years/rooftop/artist's choice) based on the piece, Hellelil and Hildebrand, the Meeting on the Turret Stairs by Frederic William Burton.

Oh no, he's beautiful by @sleeper9

The first time John wears his glasses around Paul he finally gets to actually see Paul's face and oh no, he's beautiful

Run For Your Life by @pie-of-flames

A recut of any footage into some kind of Beatles horror movie trailer (maybe Paul is dead?)

**This will be updated as we get more fanworks!!

[harmslength]

(Mostly) NSFW Headcanons - Part II

Disclaimer: Slight spoilers ahead so be warned. Just covering movies I have seen before or know a decent amount about the character. Overall, just my own personal opinions. This is just for shits and giggles so feel free to disagree. I’m also very aware that I’m being a hater rn.

Red Eye (2005) | Wes Craven - Jackson Rippner

• FREAKY ASS DUDE

• probably would learn everything about you before asking you out

• mean asf, like definitely the type to pick on you and call you a cry baby

• loves, loves, loves roleplay, specifically: CNC (Burglar x Sleeping Victim)

• big on humiliating you, probably the type to hold your head down while giving head. Likes his balls being sucked..

• feral mf, loves to use his teeth (ankle biter energy) and eats pussy like a champ [insert slurping noises]

Perriers Bounty (2009) | Ian Fitzgibbon - Michael McCrea

• top contender for best in bed

• grimey little dude.. but hey, bums know how to lay pipe like it’s their god given purpose

• not attached to any particular fetish or kink just very experimental and kinky

• 3 words: tongue in ass. There I said it. Specifically from the back, he will stick his tongue in places god hasn’t even seen.

Broken (2012) | Rufus Norris - Mike Kiernan

• spontaneous and sensual. Probably an exhibitionist lowkey

• can be a bit selfish at times, but definitely makes it a priority to make you cum.

• could definitely see him having a thing for stockings or thigh highs

Inception (2010) | Christopher Nolan - Robert Fischer

• if a boy was a princess it would be him

• DADDY ISSUES

• all bark no bite, he’s a bottom if I’ve ever seen one. Loves being told what to do and how to take it

• big fan of praise and humiliation

• will dom at times but definitely is not his preference

Watched the Detectives (2007) | Paul Soter - Neil Lewis

• Puppy

• horny teenager vibes, probably would fuck you in his office while your bent over his desk

• loves roleplay but in the vanilla way like: cop x criminal, stepsiblings 🤭, strangers, Bonny and Clyde. Just overall loves recreating cheesy pornos.

• loves when you’re all natural down there

• definitely likes to think he’s the one in charge but you would absolutely wear the pants in the relationship

• whiny asf, likes to whimper and pout. Big on theatrics.

Breakfast on Pluto (2005) | Neil Jordan - Patricia Kitten Braden

• the queen herself 👸

• another top contender for best sexual partner

• pillow princess, loves to be taken care of but will absolutely do the same for you. Definitely giving switch vibes

• super tender and sensual, could definitely see a friends to lovers trope here

• LOVES to tease and loves sexual tension. Wandering hands and subtle glances kind of shit

Sunshine (2007) | Danny Boyle - Robert Capa

• needy little freak but in a subtle way

• you would probably have to make the first move

• would probably zone out during sex ngl

• classic fan of gripping hips and neck kisses, relatively vanilla but open to exploring

• nonchalant lover but good bf overall

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) | Christopher Nolan - Jonathan Crane

• say it with me now— Mommy Issues

• don’t be afraid to join in— daddy issues

• probably grew up with his grandma or two loving parents that he despises deeply

• sick little gremlin, probably into sounding or golden showers

• two words: doggy style 😎

• he’s a switch, but mostly doms because he gets off on the thought that he’s better than you

• big on quickies, hump and dump kind of dude. Casual sex, but not super big on multiple partners

• so repulsed by the thought of sex that either the utter crippling shame of it turns him on so much that he acts like a deranged animal

• or is so repulsed that it hinders him and only does it when absolutely necessary

28 Days Later (2002) | Danny Boyle - Jim

• Jim, Jim, Jim — I love him with my whole heart and my whole pussy

• hear me out.. probably the best sex out of everyone HEAR ME OUT

• this man is DEVOTED okay!! Bro would take out an army base of 20 men just to get a lick of pussy (more so, a gentle sensual kiss, shared between two troubled lovers)

• you know he’ll eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Probably would bring his own bib and cutlery js 🙄

• not overly kinky, in fact probably a bit inexperienced, but satisfaction is guaranteed.

[4ranghaes]

Another song fic with Taesan?🥹

(Love ur writing btw, hope this doesn’t stress u, take ur time hehe)

song fic!💋

now playing… this is how you spell “HAHAHA, we destroyed the hopes and dreams of a generation of faux-romantics” by los campesinos!

han taesan x reader [fluff/angst, gender neutral!reader, non-idol!taesan, i’m imagining the setting as like a shitty english uni house so hope you get the vibe lol]

warnings: problematic/abusive relationship, reader is having a panic attack, reader smokes, talks of drugs

a/n - no stress at all, anon! never be afraid to request <333 also i apologise because this song is probably NOT what you had in mind but, we abide by the playlist🙇🏻‍♀️

01:09 - “i just wanted peace,” he sighed, “i just wanted to sleep.”

“i’m sorry i’m not fucking perfect, taesan,” you snapped, your breathing deep and frantic, previously cried tears staining old mascara down your face.

the party that the two of you had abandoned hours previous could still be heard going on downstairs, music and people’s voices blaring as they disturbed the neighbours. you left housemates responsible for anything that was happening now.

“that’s not what i meant,” he huffed, watching as you got out the bed, storming over to the old, rusty sink in the corner of your bedroom and splashing your face with cold water, “are you alright now, love?”

you swallowed, nodding slowly as you walked back over to the bed, taesan pressing a kiss to the side of your head as you sat beside him. you lit up a cigarette with shaking hands, he glanced up and saw the old beanie of his covering the smoke alarm.

“you know that’s not what i meant,” he sighed.

“i don’t know what you meant at all tae,” you said, leaving his body again as you walked round the messy bedroom, “what are we even doing here?! what is this?! why did i just have a nightmare about you, taesan?!”

“about me?” he exclaimed, “what was i doing?!”

you cried out, practically tearing your hair out with the harsh grip you had on it, “i don’t know! maybe it was that fucking note again.”

your boyfriend scoffed, “please don’t bring that up again, y/n. that was a drugged up mistake, you know that!”

“‘i have left you, please never try to find me’?!” you exclaimed, “do you know how fucked up that is, taesan?!”

taesan couldn’t say anything in reply as you walked out to your balcony, finishing off your cigarette with long drags. he could hear occasional sobs, but he knew it was better not to react. eventually, the cigarette became a stub as you pressed out the flame on the corner of the railing, dropping it into the bucket you kept.

walking back into the room, the party’s eyeliner and mascara was now rubbed all over your eyes, leaving big streaks of black. taesan took in your appearance, noting the goosebumps on your arm.

he opened his arms, a silent invitation as you climbed back into the bed, burying yourself in his chest. his fingers brushed gently over your goosebumped arms, feeling each one of them.

you were still crying, tears falling from your eyes while apologies fell from your lips. taesan looked around the dump of your bedroom, unfinished poetry and books laid around, in the bins and on the walls; he couldn’t help but think they were indicative of your life.

“i can read you,” he whispered.

you sniffled, chuckling, “am i that obvious?”

“no,” he whispered, serious as ever, “your arm. i can read it.”

“like braille,” you sighed, staring off into the distance, holding onto the arm that was wrapped around you tightly. taesan nodded in reply, even though you couldn’t see him.

“i know,” he said, running one finger along a line of goosebumps, “i am wrong. i am sorry.”

“i know,” you sighed, kissing his arm as you listened to the background noise of 2010s indie party music, “i am wrong, i am sorry.”

[klonnieshippersclub]

Considering all Kat’s mistreatment and specifically how she was put in unflattering outfits and wasn’t in control of her hair causing damage, how would you restyle Bonnie? With keeping in mind her characteristics or the simply ones Kat worked over time to bring to life, what colours would she choose to wear? Would she opt for clingier clothes or baggier or mixture between the two. (You can ignore the mid 2000’s atrocious fashion). Weaves, braids or natural hair styles? And even what extra curricula’s would she join on her own?

I love being asked this. 2010s era style is truly awful lol. Bonnie will always have soft girl vibes to me and I see her style reflecting that. She's tiny and delicate, but also a very fierce warrior. She's the type to wear short, floral dresses and show off her petite figure. It was strange how conservative they tried to make Bonnie despite being a cheerleader.

On to hair, I really wish she had the chance to experiment. That could mean braids, twists, color or anything else. I don't like to talk about Bonnie's hair sometimes because this fandom can hyperfixate on it and completely ignore all the other racism in TVD. Reading scenes in Bonnie fics where she teaches men centuries or a thousand years old about black hair makes me cringe. She's not the first black girl they've ever met!

For extracurriculars and hobbies, I think of things related to what Bonnie canonically shows interest in. I think she would love flower farming. She is very in touch with nature. We often see Bonnie taking pictures. That fits with her being on the Yearbook club (I was too!) and she's pretty active in attending high school events. Also related to photography, she'd love scrapbooking. We see Bonnie as an artsy girl. She'd love documenting moments with friends and family. Bonnie is also pretty sporty so I can see her doing a triathlon (swimming, biking, running). Bonnie is shown jogging in TVD and she was an avid swimmer as a lifeguard.

[badaziraphaletakes]

It’s not necessarily a fully bad Aziraphale take but I feel like the ‘other who can’t admit their queer’ is pointed at him

Thanks for the submission @gretinternetllama

Well, they ain't talking about Crowley 💀 LMAO

This is the most privileged, out-of-touch Aziracrow take I have ever seen. If you think the most painful queer trope is “one of them’s scared to admit they’re queer”, then fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

The most painful queer “trope”, BY DEFINITION, is “one or both of them will be violently killed if they openly acknowledge their love”. Like Aziracrow. Like Castiel. (The tragedy of that isn’t that Dean didn’t love him that way. It’s that Castiel DIED for saying he loved him, lmao. It is so insulting to Castiel to suggest that the worst thing that happened to him is not having Dean’s love.) Like the overwhelming majority of queer people throughout human history. Because THAT IS THE DEFINITIVE TRAGEDY OF THE ENTIRE QUEER EXPERIENCE.

Fuck anyone who thinks that not being willing to openly acknowledge your love for your partner because you know it can never go anywhere BECAUSE YOU’LL BOTH BE KILLED FOR IT is internalized homophobia. (I can hear the gays in Russia laughing rn.)

Having said that, though, let’s take a look at the way OP analyzes “internalized homophobia”, because there is PLENTY to be concerned about there as well.

The “can’t *even* ‘bring themselves’ to admit they’re queer” is DISGUSTING. Fuck this person’s judgmental tone. God, the more I read this the angrier I get. (If they’d written a post saying “I feel so bad that Aziraphale is losing his chance at a relationship with Crowley because of his internalized homophobia; that must be so hard”, that would be one thing. They’d still be dead wrong, lol, but at least this take wouldn’t be bigoted crap. But that’s not, remotely, what they said. There is no sympathy or understanding on offer for Aziraphale whatsoever.) NO ONE has the right to judge someone for not being ready to accept that they’re queer. It is NEVER their fault. It is ALWAYS the fault of the disgusting homophobia and queer phobia of our society at large.

And also fuck anyone who judges someone for rejecting another person’s romantic advances. It’s literally never any of our business why they do that. (This is giving me flashbacks to the 2010’s Phantom of the Opera fandom. And that is NOT A GOOD THING, lmao.) Romantic rejection, even for a depressing reason like this, is not the tragedy people seem to think. No one needs to be with any one particular person in order to be happy. This whole thing is giving “oh, the poor person whose love interest won’t date them”.

Move on and find someone who will date you. Plenty more fish in the sea.

I'd say it's actually a lot more tragic for the closeted person, who has probably missed out on a lot of other relationships for the same reason and is hurting very deeply. But again, does OP have any compassion to spare for the characters they've labeled as closeted? Nah.

(Side note: If you can’t bear to date someone who’s in the closet, DON’T DATE THEM! It’s that simple. And for the love of GOD don’t pressure them to come out or blame them for not being willing to do so.)

Also. This whole thing is giving faint vibes of the putting-your-hands-over-your-ears, “la-la-la-if-I-ignore-your-problems-they’ll-just-go-away”, “if you come out, everything will be fine and everyone will magically accept you” trope, which is offensive, harmful, privileged, dangerous bullshit. Love does not always conquer all. Love does not always make everything magically okay.

(When it comes to Aziracrow in particular, it is also VERY MUCH reminiscent of the belief that once victims leave their ab*sers, their ab*sers will leave them alone, which is the POLAR OPPOSITE of what actually happens in those situations.)

The most ridiculous part out of all of this, though, has got to be mentioning Johnlock. 🤣🤣🤣 Um, which one of those two is supposed to be flamboyantly queer, exactly? Lol that’s just sad. We have better queer representation now. Come on.

Not to mention, Sherlock and John’s relationship/friendship/situationship/whatever the fuck we were supposed to think that was, was horrendously toxic. Nothing about the way they behave to each other is “loving”. Sherlock is a terrible person (and istg if I hear ONE SINGLE PERSON try to say it’s not his fault because of “mental illness” or some ableist bullshit like that, I will come after you with an axe) and not a suitable partner for anyone unless he does some seeeerious work on himself. Even supposing John is in love with Sherlcok, he has EVERY REASON IN THE WORLD not to want to date him - and it has fuck-all to do with shame (more flashbacks to the 2010’s Phantom of the Opera fandom lol).

Also... I thought we'd all collectively agreed to move on from Sherlock because it's horrendously anti-Autistic and queerbaity and Cummerbund Bumpersnatch is a vile ableist stain upon the face of humanity whose name I will not utter? Did I miss something lol?

To the next person to demean Good Omens and the precious, beautiful relationship between Aziracrow by lumping it in with crap like 'Sherlock' - we meet at the dueling grounds at dawn.

One final thing to add: Crowley doesn’t want to “scream their love from the rooftops”????? Because he also knows they’ll be killed or worse if they do that??? Canon Crowley is a FAR better person and a far more loving partner than willfully oblivious, damn-the-torpedos fanon Crowley. I wouldn't like this show if Crowley "wanted to scream their love from the rooftops".

There’s a LOT more that should probably be said about this, but my thumbs are tired and my heart is tireder still.

[totallyboatless]

It is time, friends, for another Pip's Weed Essay game. The rules: I'm about to take an edible and start writing a mini-essay in one sitting. I edit a tiny bit as I go, but for the most part this is on the fly. I've thought about this topic a lot, but haven't outlined it. I'll let you know when the edible hits, but there's a chance you'll realize it before I do. (PIRATE FRIENDS STICK AROUND - this is Pip from the future, I get pretty high in this, but anyway I'm here to tell you that this goes in a very unintended OFMD direction that i'm still reeling from. Anyway back to Past Pip)

Edible ingestion commencing, time: 7:37pm Mountain Time

I polled my followers for the topic, so today we're going to talk about:

Fixing the Puck Problem

I've read and seen A Midsummer Night's Dream more than any other Shakespeare play. At this point I don't know if I've seen it so much because it's my favorite, or enough opportunities for me to see it have lined up that it's become my favorite by default. It's easily the Shakespeare play I know best. I haven't seen a staging that I fully disliked, but there are two elements of this show that I feel like are rarely handled the way I want them to be.

Problem one:

Puck will never be as funny as Bottom

It's common to consider Puck to be the main character of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He's at the very least the most famous character in the play. Puck is a dream role, and obviously with his being a fairy, he's usually directed to be weird and whimsical--and a lot of the time, playing for laughs. It makes sense, he's a trickster, it's built into his nature.

But in modern day, his lines and actions don't translate as well as Bottom's. In all of the times that I've seen A Midsummer Night's Dream, I've *never* seen a production where Bottom fails to steal the entire show away from Puck. I've had multiple experiences where I could feel the director wanting me to laugh at Puck; I could see the reasons for the direction, but it just wouldn't hit. In those same productions, I've laughed so hard at the Bottom scenes that I cried.

I'm thinking particularly of the 2010 production with Judy Dench reprising Titania (honestly still in shock over seeing that lolol) and the 2019 Bridge Theatre production (which you can find streaming, it's *incredible*).

In the 2010 show, the Puck actor kept doing what honestly felt like a Woody the Woodpecker impression lol. He would pause for laughs and they just...wouldn't happen. Meanwhile, Bottom was set up with the kind of success that let him steal at least one scene from fucking Judy Dench.

In the 2019 Bridge Theatre production, I genuinely like the direction they gave Puck--he's a weird little twitchy Irish punk doing fucking aerial silk shit. But even with a unique vibe and a fun performance, it's still not enough to outshine Bottom.

Basically my thing is that I want to get to the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream and feel more connected to Puck. I *want* him to be my favorite. And there's just absolutely no way to make him my favorite if his core purpose is to be funny. Puck is supposed to be a larger-than-life being--the audience is never going to buy that when he's not even the largest character on the stage.

The second problem is smaller, and in fixing it there's also a fun chance to fix the Puck problem:

Problem two:

The audience usually doesn't understand why Titania and Oberon are fighting.

If you've gotten this far you're probably already a nerd who knows this, but gonna pose the question like I've done for other people I've seen the show with: Why are Titania and Oberon fighting? What's the core reason?

Bc you're a fucking nerd you probably yelled CHANGELING! Which yes, good for you, if I had become the Shakespeare professor I wanted to be but didn't have the money to become, you would be in my class and I would throw a snickers at you for a reward.

But the thing is, a *lot* of people who only know the play casually don't know. And most productions don't assist them in knowing.

Elaboration for non-nerds: Titania had a "and they were roommates" totally not at all lesbian relationship with a human women who was pregnant. The women dies in childbirth and Titania takes the child to raise, and she cherishes him more than anything, which is an extremely straight thing to do. In the play, the character is only referred to as the changeling. Oberon gets super jealous of this kid and wants to steal him away and make him join the Wild Hunt so that he can have Titania's full attention back, because he's got that issue creepy men get when they have kids and then are like "I'm jealous of my son because he's making it less likely for me to fuck my wife" and it's like "dude calm down with this projection of an Oedipal complex."

If you're not a coward and read Titania as in love with the changeling's mom, then Oberon's issues are maybe slightly less creepy, but like not really

So that's it really. Titania loves this kid of her sapphic lover that died. Oberon is jealous about it. He decides to play a trick on Titania both as a way to get revenge, and also as a distraction so he can steal the kid.

But the issue is that 1.) all of this is communicated in a long and kind of boring speech, and 2.) the changeling literally never has a line and also no stage directions

The 2010 production had a hot dude chained up and writhing on stage in a kind of hot dance snake movement thing when Titania talks about him, but most productions never even have an actor cast as the changeling. I was really shocked they didn't have anyone for the 2019 production, given how much I love most of the rest of their choices.

OKAY SO. We now have the two problems: Puck isn't the fan favorite even though he should be; and most people in the audience have no fucking idea about the changeling.

(THIS IS HIGH PIP FROM THE FUTURE I FORGOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS PROBLEM: If you do know about the changeling/follow along with that plot, it's *very* hard to root for Titania and Oberon when they reconcile. Which can be fun and cool and a little hot even maybe if you're going all dark, but thIS IS A PLAY ABOUT HORNY FAERIES HAVING A GOOD TIME so I won't be having that. I want this play to make me like that Titania forgives Oberon so easily. Okay Past Pip, take it away)

lol okay yeah weed friend has landed, I just wandered away for a minute with a desperate need to put taquitos in the air fryer. Time stamp: 8:16.

OKAY FOR REAL NOW LET'S GET INTO:

Pip's Most Ideal Staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream Which Fixes the Problems in Theory

The Staging:

First off I want the production to be in the middle of the literal woods where there's pretty lights in all the trees and people are sitting on blankets and have snacks and drinks and drugs and whatever they want, and the whole staging has the actors weaving through the audience. Not just theatre in the round, full immersion

I also want people to not fully know where the production is, just that it's on the outskirts of the forest, and then the actors emerge from the woods at a designated time and bring the audience to the secret stage section. And ideally this would be like a park on the outskirts of woods so that there would also be people there who wouldn't know what the fuck was going on. And ideally some of the fairy actors convince them to come along and the people go having no idea what they're about to get into. That's how A Midsummer Night's Dream is meant to be experienced in its purest form: with actors dressed as fairies trying to seduce unsuspecting strangers to follow them into the woods to an unknown location where they'll probably be offered drugs.

TAQUITO TIME

Taquitos acquired.

Puck's direction and motivation:

When Puck is first introduced, it's by a fairy called Peasblossom who's otherwise not a big part. Peasblossom lets the audience know who Puck/Robin Goodfellow is by basically going stan-mode and being like "holy shit you're famous." PB literally starts listing his greatest hits.

So picture with me: instead of an extremely fairy-like whimsical Puck, I want a Puck that wanders on-stage like a burnt-out rockstar. Cigarette in one hand, beer in another. Probably on a cocktail for faerie super magic mushrooms. Just fully numbed out. In this moment, Puck feels way more human than faerie--and I want the performance to be in a way where that feels off. To have it be communicated in manner and clothing, and the juxtaposition of PB recounting Puck's glory days, that Puck hasn't always been like this. This isn't a faerie trickster in his prime. This is a man who's lost all sense of fun and is going through the motions.

That's what happens, right, when you become just a little too famous?

Puck is the only one of the main characters who gets to the end of the show and is entirely alone.

(my favorite thing about being high is how *good* it makes food taste, these taquitos are not fancy but with the power of the devil's lettuce it's so good--oh my god I have Dr. Pepper)

(I'm back with the Dr. Pepper. I'm having fun, are you guys having fun? If you've made it this far i kiss u)

So Puck is alone at the end of the play while everyone else of import is either with their lover or with their theatre-kid-found-family. And it's largely because Puck lives between worlds. He's not powerful enough to be fey royalty; he's Oberon's right-hand man, but he's not Oberon's peer. But the lower fey court are also not his peers -- they treat him like a celebrity, he can't actually connect with them. He's not allowed to frolic and play with them anymore, not really.

With this interpretation and direction, we now have a Puck whose action in the plot can lead to a happy ending (keep with me), and whose existence isn't just to be quirky and whimsical for the audience. Instead it's a Puck with a motivation: he's lost all joy in his job, he's disconnected from him community, and Oberon only treats him like a fuckbuddy so he's sexually frustrated. (Oh right yeah I was supposed to write about how Puck is in love with Oberon. He is.) That's all fucking sad, bro! And you know from the Pip that traveled into the past that this play is fun and should be fun!

Now for the final part, where we put in the special ingredient to tie this particular Puck direction into the happy ending:

LET'S 👏 GET 👏 GAY 👏

Do you guys (gn) remember the changeling? It was like possibly an hour ago, the time-warp this particular edible always sets me on has fully set in. It's possible this essay is like 5k words long. It's also possible it's only 500 words long. I wish I was lying when I told you I don't know.

Anyway, the changeling. Let's make him a fuller character and let's give him to Puck wrapped up in a sexy, charming bow.

Picture this: The Changeling, from now on capitalized as a character, shown on stage in Titania's court. Locked up like a princess in a tower because Titania is desperate to protect him. And the Changeling is all *sigh and flutter big beautiful princess man eyes* because he wants to explore what's out there. Because he's a man who's grown up and been forced to live between two worlds. He's not fey royalty, he's not Titania's actual kid and she kind of honestly treats him more like a momento of her lesbian lover than an actual adopted kid. He can't be one of the fey court, because he's not fey, and also he's not allowed to frolic and play with them.

That should sound familiar to you if I did it right.

Puck and the Changeling, both feeling the same sort of empty spot. So let's smush them together.

Give the Changeling all of Peasblossom's lines. It makes more sense for a detail I left out before, too--Peasblossom doesn't recognize Puck they see him for the first few lines. Once they do they're all like "omg you're the dude that makes people horny for each other and also some other trickster things." They know all of Puck's stunts, but they don't know what he looks like? It's clearly an exposition device, but it's a weak one (sorry, Shakesy). He's the rockstar of the fey world. You'd have to be living under a rock or, I dunno, locked away like a beautiful man-princess --

(Okay you know where I'm going and I have to stop there because I'm cry laughing, I swear to you -- I swear to fucking god, guys, I wish I was joking -- I thought I was being cute and clever saying "man-princess". Not because of irony. IT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT THERE IS A WORD FOR A PRINCESS WHO IS A MAN AND THAT IS A PRINCE. Okay i should clearly wrap this up lol)

In this staging, the Changeling clearly doesn't want to be locked up. So...he finally finds a way to sneak out. He goes on a romp through the forest and that's when he runs into Puck (this is the scene where we first meet Puck). The Changeling wouldn't recognize Puck, though he's have heard of him. He probably loves stories because what the fuck else does he have to do, so he's asked the fairies to tell him about Puck's adventures over and over. Meanwhile, Puck wouldn't recognize the Changeling because Titania has been keeping him so under lock and key. It allows an opportunity for them to connect on more of a peer basis as they--

Holy fuck. Wait. Hold on. Is the Changeling Stede. Is Puck Ed. What the fuck. Did I write an AU on accident. I don't even like AUs very much (sorry AU writers it's not personal it's just not my thing).n ANYWAY sorry for the pirate aside. God this is properly off the rails now.

They like each other, you get it. And now Puck has someone he wants to impress. There's not a lot of opportunities to give the Changeling more lines, but that doesn't mean he can't appear on stage. He can stay with Puck (hiding from Oberon whenever he's there, leading to some good chances for physical comedy) and go on the nighttime adventure of his dreams.

This leads to a fun, unique choice: having Puck fuck up the love flower juice plan on purpose. So that he can show this hot dude following him around with wide enthusiastic eyes the kind of things he's capable of OH MY GOD THIS IS ED AND STEDE I SWEAR THIS IS NOT ON PURPOSE I AM JUST NOW SEEING THE PARALLEL

Okay we're nearly at the end I promise. We just have one more problem to solve: How are we supposed to root for Titania and Oberon to get together when Oberon literally publicly humiliates her and then steals her adopted son and forces him to join the Wild Hunt even tho Titania REALLY doesn't want him to? Well, the first one is easy, Titania and Oberon are so fucking kinky, and Oberon likes getting cucked (remember he's only jealous of the Changeling, never the lesbian).

The second one is also easy. Make it the Changeling's choice. Leaving Titania and joining Oberon's court means two things: He gets to be with Puck, and joining the Wild Hunt allows him to go on exciting adventures. If Titania saw that the Changeling wanted this with the staging that both Titania and Oberon look over and see Puck and the Changeling making out right after Titania's spell is broken. Then Oberon can jokingly delivers the line about having stolen the Changeling, realizing that the plan worked but in the most ridiculous way possible. And how could Titania not find joy in all of that?

It makes me so much more glad to see them get back together.

Puck's closing soliloquy is his most famous, but I like his last big monologue right before it better. There's a very important line he says that communicates an important shift within the context of his particular staging:

And we fairies, that do run

We.

Puck isn't a lonely, washed-up rockstar anymore. He's part of a "we." Not just the Changeling, but the other fairies, too. Puck and the Changeling act as bridges for each other, to be part of each other's worlds in a way that feels like a whole -- OH MY GOD IT IS ED AND STEDE

Puck being alone on stage isn't so sad anymore, after all that. Because Puck, who starts off the play with so little sense of belonging, now has so much to go back to.

And that's it, that's my ideal staging of this play. Honestly, I really, really want to direct it. I have no experience directing but I have the audacity to think I could do it lol. No resources, tho

OH ONE LAST THING HELENA NEEDS TO BE INTO PUP PLAY

also the lovers are all in a polycule, that's just a given, any other staging is cowardly

alright bbye

[exit]

final time stamp: 9:25 PM, not rereading, just hitting post. We die like Mercutio.

[a-gnosis]

Your comic has a strangely... Nostalgic feel and vibe to it. In all the best ways, it feels like a webcomic from 2008 that I would've read back in the day and had about a third of it fly right over my head because I didn't understand enough english yet, and would think back to as an adult going "woah I should not have unsupervised internet access back then", and then try to find it again without remembering the title or names that wouldn't just lead to wikipedia. I actually had to double-check the date of the first comic page to make sure that it wasn't one of the old ones I read once upon a December and then completely forgot.

And I 100% mean this in the best possible way. I love it. It's like rediscovering something that I never knew I lost, but also getting to experience it for the first time at the same time.

Ah, 2008… That was when I first started to draw the characters and figure out their personalities. I posted the first proper comic page on Deviantart in 2010. My art style has improved so much since then.

I'm a very nostalgic person myself, so I take this as a compliment. I sometimes like listening to synthwave (also called retrowave) that draws their influences from the 1980s. I was a kid during the 1980s so that music has a very nostalgic feel for me, despite that life back then was quite different from the atmosphere in the synthwave music. Like I once saw someone express it: "This music gives me memories of something that never happened."