#200 follower blog on fucking tumblr dot com

[pansypr3p]

ugh fuck you fuck brendon urie he's a bad fucking person why don't you get that

i. like. yeah i. i do understand that in real life brendon urie may suck but also hes pretty and those gifs are hot and he lives in my head and also my boyfriends head and no matter what you say about their source, both of them are awesome. so.

[milfmacbeth]

tagged by @euphcme (thank you!)

1. why did you choose your url?

i'm interested in philosophy and a lover of both greek mythology and shitty puns.

2. any side blogs?

i used to be all "no side blogs we cram all our interests into our main like men" still am to a degree but i recently caved and made this aesthetics blog @oldgodscore

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

time is an illusion and i don't know exactly. years and years.

4. do you have a queue tag?

i do not. i will simply reblog 50 things my followers don't care about in a row onto everyone's dash like the gods intended

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i honestly don't know. i was a lonely teenager who found a webbed site with some pretty pictures and anime characters to distract myself from the fact that i exist. fast forward a few years and now this is home.

6. why did you choose your icon?

didn't want a fandom icon cause i knew it'd change like every two weeks so i picked a character that i like from a show that i have a relatively constant level of interest in instead of a show that i'm obsessed with for a month and then largely don't care about until the obsession strikes again

7. why did you choose your header?

wanted something neutral but not boring. also black and red fucks as a color combination

8. what's your post with the most notes?

a post in the miette format about how i love people who comment on fics. no idea why that one blew up it sat at like five notes for MONTHS i forgot it existed and then someone found it and now i get annoyed when the post gets notes again because having a popular post on tumblr dot com is hell.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

uhh... i haven't counted. somewhere between 10 and 20 maybe?

10. how many followers do you have?

few. not displaying follower counts is one of the best features of this hellsite and i'd like to keep it that way.

11. how many ppl do you follow?

242

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

who hasn't

13. how many times do you use tumblr a day?

i close this site and 5 min later i'm back again. sometimes i literally open tumblr, look at the first post on my dash, then close it again. i have stopped counting. it's becoming a problem

14. have you ever had a fight with another blog?

yes it lasted the 3 seconds it took me to find the block button

15. how do you feel about need to rb posts?

go directly to hell. do not pass go. do not collect $200. fuck these posts. anyone who subjects me to that bullshit gets unfollowed. as soon as i see a "you need to reblog" the entire point you were making, no matter how good, evaporates into the fucking ether. yes i know you're pro-good things and anti-bad things and you feel very righteous about that but have you considered shutting the fuck up?

(sorry for the rant but god these posts need to die)

16. do you like tag games?

yup, they're fun and a nice way to get to know people instead of just observing them from afar

17. do you like ask games?

in theory? yes. in practice? every time i've reblogged an ask game my inbox has been a barren wasteland so i don't do it anymore.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

probably @taxinealkaloids because her art is gorgeous and her taste is flawless

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

the bond mutuals on tumblr dot gov share goes deeper than any temporary crush could my friend

20. tags

i'm tagging @ante--meridiem and @first-only

[bastardtetsu]

wowowow. over 200 of y’all ??? insane. i know i don’t put out content all that consistently but thank you all for following my dumb lil thirst blog ! wild to think that less than a year ago i was embarrassed to admit that i even had a weeb phase in middle school, only to end up back on my bullshit in full swing as an adult writing reader insert fanfic on tumblr dot com,,, the validation i am feeling is unparalleled. so thank you ♡

i wanted to do something fun for this milestone, so i’m having a nice lil barbeque ! come get fed, grab something to drink, or just vibe w me :) all are welcome !

status: closed

○ THE FOOD ○

drabble requests : come get ur food fuckers !!! with permission i am taking a page out of my darling elle @/karasimpno’s book and asking u to send me:

a character 

a body part

a time of day

whether you want it mild (sfw) medium (suggestive) or spicy (explicit)

your preference of f!reader or gn!reader, if any

& i’ll write you a lil sumn sumn (~200-700 words probably) also i’ve updated my guidelines with specifics on who i write for/lewd, so be sure to take a look at that before you request !

anons are welcome, but if ur off anon you must be over 18 & indicate somewhere on your blog to request anything besides sfw

>> drabble mlist here <<

○ BEVERAGES ○

FMK : send me 3 characters & i’ll tell you which of them i’d fuck, marry, + kiss and include one or two hc’s for what i think that might be like ;) (you can include characters not on my ‘who i write for’ list, that’s only for drabbles!)

doodles : send me a character (or whatever u want idk) and i’ll draw a shitty lil doodle :) once again it will not be good :)

○ SMALL TALK ○

chat with me !! here’s some ask games if u need ideas, or ask me ur own questions, send thirsts, hc’s, roast some mf’s, flirt w me, the possibilities r endless !

all posts for this event will be tagged #bbq.200

ok moot time under da cut >:)

@karasimpno literally where would i be without u. thank you for diving into this pit of degeneracy with me and supporting & gassing me every step of the way, i can’t think of anyone else from my irls who i could go on this journey with and just make me feel so VALIDATED in all my insanity !!! i am so endlessly grateful for you ❤️❤️❤️ ilysm MWAH xoxoxo

@strawberryakaashi cait pls ur one of the funniest bitches on here not to mention a fantastic writer, so thankful we both joined the whorehouse around the same time bc having another newbie around to interact with made me way less nervous hehe :shypiss: thanks 4 being my sexiest beta & bestie 💞💘💖💗

@cultsumu nina nina nina i am SO happy i discovered your blog & started chatting with u, i’m obsessed with ur brain and talking with you is so great aaaaaa <3 we truly just clicked right away, i think we must be sexy aliens from the same planet or smth 👽💫🪐💕

@heauxzenji my angel daisy 💕💝💫 literally i was starstruck when u first followed me back, i love you so much ur always keeping us fed with ur writing, nsfw alphabets, p word hours, astro knowledge, suga content, all of it. AND ur the sweetest person in the whole world ?? bye get over here n smooch me 😩

@honeybunny-sawamura JADEEEE the sweetest ever, you are truly one of the nicest / most positive presences on my dash and i am so grateful for your support and friendship !!! all the hugs and kisses for u lovely 😇💓💘💖

@sugardaddykenma linnnnn truly The blog that made me officially return to tumblr & start this sideblog 😳 ur a sexy evil genius madam and i am in LOVE with u. yet another who i was starstruck to get a follow back from, ur brain is huge ur funny asf and ur the loml 🙏💗💞

@tsumurai OKAY FIRST OF ALL HOW WAS I NOT FOLLOWING U SOONER i really thought i had before i’m so sorry djhfdsj,,,, but darling your comments and tags on elle & i’s ficmas fics were truly keeping the two of us going, your support & enthusiasm is so encouraging and genuinely means the world 😻🥰❣️ also we gotta discuss the fact that i, too, am rabidly in love with rin matsuoka and have been for years plssss 😭😭

@stonersugawara​​ @miyangel​ @daishou-s​ (+ @strawberryakaashi @heauxzenji & @sugardaddykenma again) hi whores 😏💛 i love kicking it in the server with u all, & all of you are such talented writers and i feel honored to be amongst such icons :hheeee:

@ceo-of-daichi @chaotickatts @kagsbitch @aiiishiiiteru @tetsurolls @saetyrn9​ @velvesagi​ we’ve only interacted a lil bit (either bc i am shy or bc we became moots 2 seconds ago, or both) but either way I AM SUCH A BIG FAN OF YOU ALL & i am formally giving u an open invitation to hop in my inbox, DMs, or discord whenever u want 🥺💘💗💕

@daichis-kitty @keibby  @scorpiosanssexy @bobawithpomegranate @kmorgzz @waitforitillwritemywayout @rintaroutea​ we may not interact as much / at all bc i’m shy & we haven’t gotten to know each other yet 👉👈but know that i love you sm and you also have an open invitation to hmu wherever whenever xoxo

[exvangelical]

there’s something i need to articulate very badly, but i don’t really know how.

basically, i’m feeling just really... shitty about my sexuality and most things about myself in general lately. this time last year, when i first realized i liked girls as well as guys (at the time i said i was bisexual, hence why some old posts on this blog are tagged stuff like “bi blues.” i’m okay with people saying i’m bi, even though queer is my preferred identity, but i’ve gained about 200 followers since then so i wanted to explain a little), i felt super empowered by it. but now, almost exactly a year later, everything about it hurts.

i think it has to do with this being the first pride month i’ve gone through queer and being super closeted the entire time. not only that, but two people i’ve really admired and looked up to for several years (d/an and p/hil) have come out within a couple weeks of each other. and i’m super happy for them, i really am. but every time someone says “be yourself!” it drives a dagger in my heart because i know that i never will be able to be myself. it hurts so badly that it makes me mad at the people giving me this advice, because in the part of my brain that i allow to think bad thoughts, it’s bullshit. how could they say that? not everyone has a family that’s accepting and unconditionally loving! fuck you!! (i know these thoughts are cruel and unfair, but i can’t help it these days.)

i’m a queer woman in a hardcore evangelical fundamentalist family. every single one of them is anti-lgbt. some are more vocal and angry about it than others, but none of them are supportive. the day i come out is the day, at best, i become the annoying “libtard” cousin and, at worst, i am excommunicated from the family. there’s no happy ending, there’s no “we’ll always love and support you!” for me. just suffering and loneliness.

and the thing is, it makes me so. goddamn. angry. i didn’t ask to be born. i didn’t ask for bigoted family members. i didn’t ask to be queer. these are things that just happened to me, and now i’m essentially being punished for it. 

and outside of that, it’s not like being any kind of gay is easy. there’s so much scrutiny and politics with it all, and i don’t like being politicized. i know this is a hot take on tumblr dot com, but jesus christ i hate politics so much. but my queerness is so fucking politicized both within the gay community and outside of it that i’d never be able to escape it. every time i hear “pride started off as a riot and it can turn back into one if we have to!” i cringe and want to run from my sexuality even more. i’m grateful to the people who fought for the few legal rights i do have, but i’m not interested in being a brick thrower at stonewall 2.0. sorry if that’s a controversial opinion. (also, before anyone puts words in my mouth: i love and support all trans people. trans women are women, trans men are men, fuck terfs, amen.)

i just like girls. that’s all i know. i know that there’s nothing bad about that, but i feel guilty and i hurt all the time when i even think about it for longer than a second. on top of that, i’m irritable all the time because i’m depressed and anxious, my deeply unhealthy coping mechanism (maladaptive daydreaming) is hurting me more and more the older i get, and everything about life feels like it’s shifting beneath my feet. like, pretty soon, i won’t have a leg to stand on and i’ll completely collapse. worst of all: my religious trauma brain tells me it’s god trying to force me back into christianity. after all, he chastens those he loves, and i was saved once, right?

i’m broken and exhausted and angry and scared. i don’t know what to do anymore.

happy pride.