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thecreaturecodex · 1 year ago

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Protean, Heputwisa

"King of Spades" © deviantArt user RayEtherna, accessed at her gallery here

[More proteans! I went for the mammalian design for this protean as an homage to D&D's arcanaloths, especially the Planescape depiction of them as hyper-competent conspiracy masterminds. To go with that theme, I gave it a number of SLAs drawn from Ultimate Intrigue, which is a book I haven't used much. As a reminder, all of my proteans have names that are anagrams for people who are thematically linked to their purview. See if you can figure it out! There's also a reference to an upcoming protean lord I'm working on, although it might be a while before that comes to fruition.]

Protean, Heputwisa CR 18 CN Outsider (extraplanar) This creature looks like an unusual combination of canine and serpentine forms. Its head is like that of an exaggerated jackal, with a long muzzle and pointed ears. A mane of hair grows along its neck and shoulders, which is accentuated by jagged spines. Similar spines grow from the wrists above its clawed hands, and along its long serpentine lower body.

A heputwisa is a powerful protean that embodies conspiracies and lies. They craft and cultivate rumors, spreading them from person to person and watching them mutate and take a life of their own. Few heputwisa are content with a single conspiracy at once, and they often stoke multiple false beliefs at once, some of which are at odds with each other. Some create their own conspiracies more directly, forming cells of rebels that plot against the status quo, or infiltrating a lawful organization to disrupt it and stymie its efforts. Some heputwisas are content to merely create criminal networks or incite revolutions, whereas others seek nothing less than the breakdown of consensus reality.

Heputwisas usually enter combat in disguise, taking the shape of another as an apparent betrayal. Their combats are often as much for show as they are to inflict physical damage, and they may flee after a couple of rounds if they feel they have made their point. The bite of a heputwisa causes its victims’ bodies to revolt against themselves, suffering warpwave after warpwave. Perhaps most dangerous is their ability to disrupt teamwork with their sheer presence. A heputwisa might float over an army squadron invisibly, causing their tactics to fall apart without lifting a finger.

Heputwisas are among the most solitary of the proteans, as they typically view others of their own kind as rivals. Two heputwisas in the same area will usually devote their energy and resources to uncovering the other’s conspiracies, which results in escalation and frequently violence. Only the presence of a protean lord can cause heputwisas to work together, and even then usually at some distance, each contributing to part of a greater conspiracy. The protean lord Etna is one of the greatest patrons of heputwisas, and at least a half dozen of these proteans are sewing seeds of dissent to achieve her ultimate, ambitious goal of regime change in Hell.

Heputwisa CR 18 XP 153,600 CN Large outsider (chaos, extraplanar, protean) Init +10; Senses blindsight 60 ft., darkvision 60 ft., Perception +29 Aura betrayal (30 ft., Will DC 29), cloak of chaos (DC 25)

Defense AC 33, touch 20, flat-footed 26 (-1 size, +6 Dex, +1 dodge, +4 deflection, +13 natural) hp 312 (25d10+175) Fort +21, Ref +24, Will +23; +8 vs. mind-influencing DR 15/lawful; Immune acid, divination; Resist electricity 10, sonic 10; SR 29 Defensive Abilities amorphous anatomy, freedom of movement, mind blank

Offense Speed 30 ft., fly 90 ft. (perfect) Melee bite +33 (2d6+9 plus lingering warpwave), 2 claws +33 (1d8+9), tail slap +31 (2d8+4 plus grab) or touch +33 (ego whip) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks constrict (4d8+9), ego whip, sneak attack +3d6 Spell-like Abilities CL 20th, concentration +27 Constant—cloak of chaos (self only, DC 25), mind blank, tongues At will—aura alteration, compulsive liar (DC 19), greater teleport (self plus 50 lbs only), invisibility, paranoia (DC 19), rumormonger (DC 19), suggestion (DC 20) 3/day—confusion (DC 21), deceitful veneer (DC 21), quickened glibness, quickened greater dispel magic, modify memory (DC 22), they know (DC 21) 1/day—crime wave (DC 24), demand (DC 25), mislead (DC 23), pox of rumors (DC 25), word of chaos (DC 24)

Statistics Str 29, Dex 23, Con 24, Int 24, Wis20, Cha 25 Base Atk +25; CMB +35 (+39 grapple); CMD 46 (cannot be tripped) Feats Combat Expertise, Deceitful, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Greater Vital Strike, Improved Feint, Improved Vital Strike, Improved Initiative, Multiattack, Power Attack, Quicken SLA (glibness, greater dispel magic), Vital Strike Skills Appraise +28, Bluff +35, Diplomacy +31, Disguise +35 (+55 to resemble a specific person), Fly +22, Intimidate +31, Knowledge (history, planes) +31, Knowledge (arcana, local, nobility) +28, Perception +29, Sense Motive +29, Spellcraft +28, Stealth +26, Use Magic Device +28 Languages Abyssal,Common, Protean, tongues SQ change shape (greater polymorph), perfect copy

Ecology Environment any land or urban (Maelstrom) Organization solitary Treasure standard

Special Abilities Aura of Betrayal (Su) All creatures within 30 feet of a heputwisa must succeed a DC 29 Will save or become filled with dissension. Creatures that fail their saves are no longer treated as allies to other creatures and can't provide flanking, use or benefit from teamwork feats or aid another actions, or allow other creatures to move through their space. Any spell or effect that requires a willing target fails if used on an affected creature, and even harmless effects require an attack roll (if applicable) and require affected creatures to attempt a saving throw to resist their effects (if a save is allowed). In addition, if a creature casts a beneficial spell or uses a beneficial supernatural ability (such as channel energy) while in the area of the aura of betrayal, it must succeed a DC 29 Will save or include the heputwisa in the effect. This is a mind-influencing effect, and the save DC is Charisma based. Change Shape (Su) A heputwisa can change shape at will, but does not gain the healing benefit as is usual for a protean. Constrict (Ex) A heputwisa’s constriction deals bludgeoning and piercing damage. Ego Whip (Su) The touch of a heputwisa inflicts severe doubt. A creature touched by a heputwisa is affected by an ego whip IV spell (CL 25th, Will DC 29). A heputwisa can inflict this penalty along with one of its melee attacks as a swift action. Lingering Warpwave (Su) A creature bitten by a heputwisa must succeed a DC 29 Fortitude save or be affected by a warpwave. Each round, it must attempt another DC Fortitude save—if it fails, it is affected by a warpwave again until it succeeds a save to end the effect. A dispel chaos or similar effect removes a lingering warpwave. The save DC is Constitution based. Perfect Copy (Ex) A heputwisa can masquerade as a specific individual using its change shape ability, gaining a +20 to all Disguise checks to appear as that individual.

#pathfinder 1e #protean #heputwisa #conspiracy theories

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paperanddice · 1 year ago

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Daemons are a new branch of demons appearing in the Dragon Empire. They seem to be born directly from humanoid souls so full of hatred for life in all its forms that they do not even enter the Abyss normally. Their origins are currently unknown, with small numbers of them sneaking into the Empire on missions of utter destruction. They have no true allies except for each other, their goals seeming to be utter and complete destruction of all of existence, even other demons. While they will manipulate and use other beings to advance their goal of omnicide, they do not distinguish between them beyond their usefulness in that goal.

Astradaemons are one of the more deadly forms of daemon, a personification of death by soul drain or negative energy. They seek to harvest souls, passively feeding off of those who die nearby and attempting to directly eat the souls of stronger creatures. Vaguely humanoid, with long tendrils extending from their back, lanky, skeletal limbs, skin that drifts from deep blues to fierce oranges, and a face that looks like a mangled combination of lamprey, anglerfish, and other deep sea creatures, they are truly alien beings that do not belong in the world.

Cacodaemons are the least among daemons, but have an exceptionally useful ability that all demons love to make use of. A cacodaemon can capture the soul of the recently deceased, turning it into a small gem. This gem empowers any demon that devours it, and condemns the soul within to the Abyss for torment and suffering, a fate that any demon can approve of. Cacodaemons take the form of a small, flying ball with a long tail and a massive mouth full of jagged teeth. The details can vary slightly, with different numbers of eyes and horns circling around their mouth and body, and flesh ranging from red to green to grey.

Inspired by the Pathfinder 1e Bestiary 2. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I’m working on, consider backing me there!

Astradaemon Large 9th level spoiler [demon] Initiative: +15 Lamprey Jaw +14 vs. AC - 70 damage plus 20 negative energy damage, and the astradaemon can grab the target. If it has a creature grabbed, it can only make lamprey jaw attacks against that creature. Tail Strike +14 vs. AC - 50 damage plus 10 negative energy damage. Claws +14 vs. AC - 20 damage plus 10 negative energy damage. Limited Use: 1/turn, as a quick action if the astradaemon made a tail strike attack this turn. Devour Soul +18 vs. PD (one grabbed enemy; includes +4 grab bonus) - 50 negative energy damage, and the target must start making last gasp saves. On the fourth failed save, the target dies and the astradaemon devours its soul, regaining 40 hit points and gaining a +4 bonus to attack rolls and saving throws until the end of its next turn. If the astradaemon is stunned or the grab broken, the creature automatically succeeds on its next save. R: Enervating Ray +14 vs. PD (one nearby enemy) - 75 negative energy damage. Natural 16+: The target is also weakened (save ends). Displacement: 1/turn, as an interrupt action when an enemy hits the astradaemon with a natural odd attack rolls, the astradaemon can force that enemy to reroll the attack and use the new roll. Fear: While engaged with the astradaemon, enemies that have 60 hp or fewer are dazed and do not add the escalation die to their attacks. Flight. Soul Siphon: Each time a nearby living creature dies, the astradaemon gains 5 temporary hit points. These hit points can stack. Incorporeal undead and similar spirit creatures automatically take 2d8 damage if they start their turn nearby the astradaemon. Resist Acid 18+. AC 25 PD 21 MD 20 HP 360

Cacodaemon 3rd level spoiler [demon] Initiative: +5 Toxic Bite +8 vs. AC - 4 damage plus 3 ongoing poison damage. Natural 18+: The target also takes a -2 penalty to MD. The target can attempt a save each time it takes a full heal up, ending this penalty on a success. Until it succeeds, the cacodaemon can telepathically communicate with the target, no matter the distance between them. R: Lesser Confusion +7 vs. MD (one nearby enemy) - On its next turn the target must choose to either use its move action to move to a random nearby location, or must spend its standard action to make a basic attack against a random nearby target (including enemies). Natural 18+: The target is instead confused until the end of its next turn. Soul Lock +7 vs. MD (one creature that died since the cacodaemon’s last turn) - The deceased creature’s soul is ingested and turned into a gem inside the cacodaemon (which it can spit out with a standard action). The gem can be destroyed as an action, which releases the soul but does not return the target to life. Any creature that attempts to return the target to life must make a DC 30 skill check; on a success, the gem shatters and the attempt works as normal, otherwise the attempt fails. Any demon can devour the gem as a standard action, regaining 2d6 hit points at the start of its turn for the rest of the battle (or for around 5 minutes outside of a battle) if it does. Flight. Resist Acid 14+. AC 18 PD 15 MD 14 HP 48

#13th age #homebrew #my homebrew #monster #demon #long post #13th age level 9 #13th age level 3

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yrsonpurpose · 2 years ago

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I can't be the only one who thinks the votes were extremely weird this year? And I'm not talking about jury vote because they always vote completely opposite of the public.

But what the hell happened with the public vote? Something just doesn't seem right and the only difference to last year is that we now have rest of the world vote as well which... obviously proved to be a horrible idea and they really should scrap that for next year.

I don't even get the point of having a EURO song contest and then having Australia, Israel, etc. but to now also add so that rest of the world can vote for something that has nothing to do with them? Extremely weird.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just still so disappointed because Käärijä deserved that win so much 💚

don't worry about ranting, i think a HEAP of people feel this way!! i looked at the public vote breakdown earlier in the cold light of day and the skew was so strange, lots of country's with very little points 20-60 and then a leap up to 170+. the rest of the world vote is very ... odd and not sure what benefit it adds and even their 12 points went to israel lmao. even weirder was that the difference in jury and public wasn't as big as other years, last year there were some real shockers in high jury voting vs low public vote. this year it was really only Norway and Spain. no hate to Sweden, i love watching melfest and im sure their hosting will be great next year and an opporutnity to hopefully see mans hosting again 😩

#the reaction last night and today is very telling #not sure ive seen it like this in a while #maybe if it wasnt loreen a prev winner .. a rule i know many want changing #eurovision #asks

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theofficefantasyfootball · 1 month ago

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WEEK 13 - Wrap Up

Does anyone care anymore? Does anyone read this? Does anything really matter? I am not sure. Well, I guess it matters for those that can still make money. Am I right!? Bottom line. We are at the end. In 1 more week we are going to cut this league in half and so I really don't think a head to head wrap up matters at this stage - so I am moving on to Even vs Odd..."playoff truth and facts" wrap up.

EVEN DIVISION

Yes. Everyone wants in...but it just doesn't work that way in Fantasy Football. So, with Mitch beating Dana this week - Mitch moves back up to 1st place...with an 8-5 record. Dana falls to 2nd but has over 1450 points...so no matter what happens to Dana he will make the playoffs with points alone. Meaning if he beats me next week he will take the 2nd place spot (or maybe 1st if Mitch happens to lose to Bebo (wouldn't that be amazing)), but if Dana does lose, he still has enough points to grab the wild card slot. No one can really catch him on points.

So, it comes down to Gully and myself. Gully is currently leading in points so he is a better spot than i am. Ideally for the Commish, I just need to beat Dana and grab 2nd place on record alone...but if that doesn't happen then whoever has the most points between Gully and I moves on with Mitch and Dana. What about Howard and Bebo? They are done...well, unless they put up several hundred points in the final week...then I guess anything is possible!

ODD DIVISION

The odd division is a bit more complicated. Both Cliff and Kyle won this week...so they are both 9-4. But, Kyle put up some major points - actually took high point win ($20). Without his Bo Nix points from tonight factored in...Kyle is at 1425 so he will probably end up north of 1440 and take 1st place back. Cliff is at 1437. It's gonna be close for who grabs 1st place and the bye week. But guess what? These two play each other in the final week...so points really don't matter. The winner of this match up, grabs 1st on record alone. These two will be 1st and 2nd.

The 3 players that are still in the hunt have no road to get to 9 wins so they will be battling it out for the wild card slot. I am speaking of Stu Jones, Brett Rutledge and Scott Krippayne. Stu had a big lead going into this week - around 60 points over Brett and Scott but he lost to Brett and only put up 75 points. Brett put up 120. Scott, tried his best but didn't quite break 100. So, Stu is sitting at 1386, Brett is at 1370...Scott - somewhere north of 1320. So basically Scott needs a Christmas points miracle.

Bottom line, the odd division is about who wins next week between Cliff and Kyle...and who scores the most points between Stu & Brett...(and sure Scott). LOL. What about Gabe? Gabe is going to spend the rest of his season enjoying the winning of the Detroit Lions.

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

You know I tried to stick with the Cowboys cheerleaders all year but the team sucks so bad it's even making their cheerleaders unattractive - so moving on to the 49ers this week. They caption said her name was Haley Beiber but not sure if that's true. She wins though.

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rivalsforlife · 3 years ago

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Ace Attorney 20th Anniversary Character Poll (and how to participate in it!)

Hey there. If you haven’t heard the news, Weekly Famitsu Magazine (a Japanese gaming magazine which has, historically, been where many new ace attorney games are announced) is going to have an article releasing on October 21st featuring Ace Attorney for the upcoming 20th Anniversary.

This is pretty decent news, I think, though we don’t know yet if there’s going to be a new game announcement or any other sort of news. What is confirmed is that they’re going to run a fan poll where you can vote on your favorite characters, cases, and Payne hairstyles, among other things.

This does not ask for personal information, and as far as I can tell, you don’t need to be in Japan to respond. The poll is, however, solely in Japanese, and I assume they’re expecting answers in Japanese as well. I took the liberty with the help of google translate to attempt to make a rough translation of the poll, and you can follow along with this and fill it out yourself if you wish! Keep in mind this may not necessarily be extremely accurate, because google translate, and if anyone knows better than I do, please do correct me!

The poll closes September 30th 2021 11:59 PM Japan time - so there’s not a lot of time to fill it out!

Here’s a link to the poll. The questions are under the cut.

Also, keep in mind that this will address characters that appear in all of the games, though no major plot spoilers are present.

I recommend using google translate on the webpage if you can, it makes things a bit easier to navigate. I didn’t put the Japanese phrases next to the translated answers, since there was no option to copy+paste, so it would take up too much of my time - I can if someone really wants me to, though. Don’t solely rely on google translate though, as sometimes it will do things like translate “Naruhodo Ryunosuke” to “Phoenix Wright”.

As well, for some things like character responses, you may want to double-check their names on the wiki, just in case I got something wrong (which is quite likely.)

Here’s the translation:

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The weekly Famitsu November 4, 2021 issue (released October 21, 2021) features a special article on "Ace Attorney," which celebrates the 20th anniversary of the series! Among them, we will carry out an “Ace Attorney” series fan questionnaire. Please answer whatever questions you can.

There are 20 questions in total. If it takes too much time to fill in, the input may be reset, so if you feel that your answers are going to be long, we recommend that you prepare a separate text and copy and paste it.

Please note that answers to the questionnaire may be excerpted and edited and introduced in the weekly Famitsu, Famitsu.com, and other media operated by our company (KADOKAWA Game Linkage Co., Ltd.).

* In the page, "The Great Ace Attorney: Adventures" may be described as "Great Ace Attorney 1", and "The Great Ace Attorney 2: Resolve" may be described as "Great Ace Attorney 2”.

The deadline for responses is 23:59 on Thursday, September 30, 2021.

QUESTION 1

ペンネーム（必須）

(Pen name (Required))

This is a free response question, so answer whatever you want your pen name to be.

QUESTION 2

性別（必須)

(Gender (Required))

This has three options, which are, in order: Male, Female, or Prefer Not To Answer.

QUESTION 3

年齢（必須）

(Age (Required))

The options are, in order:

Under 10

10s

20s

30s

40s

50s

60s

70+

CHARACTER QUESTIONS

QUESTION 1

Q1.『逆転』シリーズの中からもっとも好きなキャラクターを教えて！(最大3名まで記入可)

“Tell us your favorite character in the Ace Attorney series! You can fill in up to three people.”

The following questions have a small free response box where you can put in the character’s name. Underneath that, in the larger free response box, you explain your reason. I’d recommend going onto the ace attorney wiki page of your favorite characters, going to the “names in other languages” tab, and then copy-pasting that name in there. If you’re avoiding the wiki because of spoilers right now, you can either send me an ask asking for the name and I’ll try to get back to you asap, or ask a friend who is not avoiding it.

You don’t *need* to fill out the explanation section if you’re not confident in your Japanese and don’t want to risk it being thrown out if it’s in English. You could try google translate, but keeping it simple would probably be best, otherwise it may come out weird.

QUESTION 2

Q2.『逆転』シリーズで好きな弁護士は？(メインキャラクター編)

“Who is your favorite defense attorney in the “Ace Attorney” series? (Main character edition)”

This is a selection box where the options are, in order:

Phoenix Wright

Mia Fey

Apollo Justice

Athena Cykes

Ryunosuke Naruhodo

The free response section below asks for you to give “A word on your favorite point”, which… I have no idea what that actually means. Sorry. Someone who actually knows Japanese, get back to me on that. It may be explaining why they’re your favorite, or it may be ... talking about pointing, it’s hard to tell with this series.

The next few questions (3-8) follow a similar format with the question then free response, so I will focus on the questions for each one.

QUESTION 3

Q3.好きな弁護士は？(サブキャラクター編)

“Who is your favorite defense attorney? (Minor character edition)”

This is another selection box where the options are, in order:

Marvin Grossberg

Diego Armando

Kristoph Gavin

Raymond Shields

Calisto Yew

Kazuma Asogi

Ryutaro Naruhodo

Gregory Edgeworth

QUESTION 4

Q4.好きな検事は？

“Who is your favorite prosecutor?”

Selection box options are, in order:

Miles Edgeworth

Winston Payne

Manfred von Karma

Lana Skye

Franziska von Karma

Godot

Klavier Gavin

Gaspen Payne

Simon Blackquill

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi

Ga’ran Sigatar Khura’in

Sebastian Debeste

Taketsuchi Auchi

Barok van Zieks

Zacharias Barnham

Darklaw

Flynch

QUESTION 5

Q5.好きな相棒キャラクターは？

“Who is your favorite assistant character?”

Selection box options, in order:

Maya Fey

Pearl Fey

Larry Butz

Ema Skye

Trucy Wright

Rayfa Padma Khura’in

Kay Faraday

Susato Mikotoba

Herlock Sholmes

Iris Wilson

QUESTION 6

Q6.好きな依頼人は？

“Who is your favorite defendant?”

Selection box options, in order:

Larry Butz

Will Powers

Maggey Byrde

Maximillion Galactica

Matt Engarde

Ron Delite

Terry Fawles

Iris

Wocky Kitaki

Machi Tobaye

Vera Misham

Juniper Woods

Damian Tenma

Solomon Starbuck

Ahlbi Ur’gaid

Bucky Whet

Dhurke Sahdmadhi

Ellen Wyatt

Magnus McGilded

Soseki Natsume

Gina Lestrade

Rei Membami

Albert Harebrayne

Espella Cantabella

(Yes, I don’t think Turnabout Reclaimed is on here, for some reason. Neither is Zak Gramarye.)

QUESTION 7

Q7.好きな証人は？

“Who is your favorite witness?”

This is just a free response, since there would be too many options. Again, find your favorite witness and copy+paste their name in Japanese into this.

QUESTION 8

Q8.好きなマスコットキャラクター、動物は？

“Who is your favorite mascot character or animal?”

Selection box options in order (there’s A LOT, and I’m uncertain on some, so be prepared) are:

Steel Samurai

Mr. Monkey

Pink Princess

Evil Magistrate

Missile

Polly

Blue Badger

Trilo

Regent

Nickel Samurai

Jammin’ Ninja

Mr. Hat

Widget

Bum Rap Rhiny

Phony Phanty

Taka

Clonco

Ponco

Orla Shipley

Rifle

Sniper

Shah’do

Plumed Punisher

Sergeant Buff (the helicopter)

Proto Badger

Pink Badger

Bad Badger

Steel Samurai Daddy

Pink Princess Mommy

Rocky the Polar Bear

Patricia Roland’s white fox

Sirhan Dogen’s dog Anubis

Money the Monkey

Jezaille Brett’s swan

Astique the Elephant

Darka the cat

Wagahai

Toby

Usalock (Herlock rabbit)

Kumaris (Iris bear)

Chunosuke (Ryunosuke mouse)

Nyasked Disciple

Usato (Susato rabbit)

Hedgina (Hedgehog Gina)

Nyasogi (Asogi cat)

Nyan Zieks (van Zieks cat)

Eve the Cat

Constantine the Dog

Mr. Blue Badger (the Blue Badger of PLvsAA I assume?)

[can’t believe they put the parent versions of steel samurai + pink princess in there but not the iron infant?]

QUESTION 9

Q9.キャラクターの仕草(アニメーション)で印象深��ものとその理由を教えて！(成歩堂龍一の滝のような汗、成歩堂龍之介の泳ぐ目、御剣怜侍の礼など)

“Please tell us which game has the best character animation (Phoenix Wright’s sweat, Ryunosuke Naruhodo’s darting eyes, Miles Edgeworth’s bow, etc.) and why?”

Selection box options in order:

Ace Attorney 1

Justice for All

Trials and Tribulations

Apollo Justice

Dual Destinies

Spirit of Justice

Ace Attorney Investigations

Ace Attorney Investigations 2

The Great Ace Attorney

The Great Ace Attorney 2

Professor Layton vs Ace Attorney

Then in the free response portion you can talk about your favorite animation and why it is your favorite. If you think you can do that. I just put in my favorite by searching up the character name and trying to google translate the pose, which may not be effective, but you can give it a try.

QUESTION 10

Q10.好きな“珍名”キャラクターを教えて！(小中大、星威岳哀牙、コゼニー・メグンダル、ジョバンニ・ジコールなど)

“Please tell us your favorite pun name! (Redd White, Luke Atmey, Magnus McGilded, Carmine Accidenti, etc.)”

First you select the game it’s from, I think, which are in order:

Ace Attorney 1

Justice for All

Trials and Tribulations

Apollo Justice

Dual Destinies

Spirit of Justice

Ace Attorney Investigations

Ace Attorney Investigations 2

The Great Ace Attorney

The Great Ace Attorney 2

Professor Layton vs Ace Attorney

Then in the free response you give the name. Again a situation of finding the character you want on the wiki and copy+pasting the name into there. This might be a little odd because of the pun names being different in English and Japanese, so proceed with your own discretion, I guess. (For instance, if “Rei Membami” is your favorite pun name for some reason, this would be very odd because “Haori Murasame”, her original name, is not a pun... looking at the name explanation sections on the wiki might be a good idea. If you’re totally not sure, you can pick one of the examples.)

GAME QUESTIONS

QUESTION 11

Q11.印象深い事件は？(最大3つまで記入可)

“Which is the most impressive case? (Up to three can be entered)”

They follow the same pattern of “enter a case” and then “explain why”. Again, you don’t have to fill out the explanation if you don’t want to.

The order of the cases is:

The First Turnabout

Turnabout Sisters

Turnabout Samurai

Turnabout Goodbyes

Rise from the Ashes

The Lost Turnabout

Reunion and Turnabout

Turnabout Big Top

Farewell, My Turnabout

Turnabout Memories

The Stolen Turnabout

Recipe for Turnabout

Turnabout Beginnings

Bridge to the Turnabout

Turnabout Trump

Turnabout Corner

Turnabout Serenade

Turnabout Succession

Turnabout Countdown

The Monstrous Turnabout

Turnabout Academy

The Cosmic Turnabout

Turnabout for Tomorrow

The Foreign Turnabout

The Magical Turnabout

The Rite of Turnabout

Turnabout Storyteller

Turnabout Revolution

Turnabout Visitor

Turnabout Airlines

The Kidnapped Turnabout

Turnabout Reminiscence

Turnabout Ablaze

Turnabout Target

The Imprisoned Turnabout

The Inherited Turnabout

The Forgotten Turnabout

The Grand Turnabout

The Adventure of the Great Departure

The Adventure of the Unbreakable Speckled Band

The Adventure of the Runaway Room

The Adventure of the Clouded Kokoro

The Adventure of the Unspeakable Story

The Adventure of the Blossoming Attorney

The Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro

The Return of the Great Departed Soul

Twisted Karma and His Last Bow

The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo

On a Dark and Stormy Night

English Turnabout

Mysterious Labyrinthia

The Fire Witch

The Great Witch

The Golden Court

A Taste of Despair

Secrets of the Underground Ruins

The Story's End

The Final Witch Trial

The Last Inquisitor

The First Story

Since that is a LOT to navigate, use the Japanese to help you. The games are laid out pretty simply: if you know the game and case, you can find it pretty quickly. It goes mainline -> Investigations -> TGAA -> PLvsAA. Mainline Ace Attorney games are 逆転裁判 followed by a number corresponding to which entry it is, with the exception of the first game (which is first on the list anyways). Investigations games start with 逆転検事 and followed with a 2 for investigations 2. Great Ace Attorney starts with 大逆転裁判 with a 2 for Resolve, and Layton vs Ace Attorney is レイトン教授 VS 逆転裁判. After the game title you can find the case number.

For some reason, Dual Destinies and Spirit of Justice’s DLC cases don’t seem to be on this list. Sorry if those are your favorites. Maybe yell in the free response box about that.

MISC QUESTIONS

QUESTION 12

Q12.触ってみたいのはどれ？

“Which of the following do you want to touch?”

The options are, in order:

Phoenix Wright’s Spiky Hair

Miles Edgeworth’s Frilly Cravat

Apollo Justice’s Sparkling Forehead

Dahlia Hawthorne’s Fluttery Butterfly

Lotta Hart’s Fluffy Hair

Kazuma Asogi’s Fluttering Headband

Golden Professor Layton

And there’s an option for “other” below.

QUESTION 13

Q13.食らってみたいのはどれ？

Google translate says this is “which do you want to eat” - I think it’s more like. “What do you want to be hurt by?” or something.

The options are, in order:

Oldbag’s Ray Gun

Steel Samurai Spear

Edgeworth’s Salary Assessment (aka a salary cut)

Franziska von Karma’s Whip

Godot’s Thrown Coffee

Simon Blackquill’s Finger Sword

Justine Courtney’s Extending Gavel

Susato Takedown

Barok van Zieks’ Heel Drop

And then you have a free response section to explain why... if you want.

QUESTION 14

Q14.以下の中で味わってみたいものはどれ？

“Which of the following would you like to taste?”

The options are, in order:

Dee Vasquez’s T-Bone Steak

The Cough-Up Queen’s Lunchbox

Godot Blend No. 107

Jean Armstrong’s Authentic (?) French Lunchset

Victor Kudo’s Birdseed

Detective Gumshoe’s Weenie Bento Box

Violetta’s Tea

Coldkiller X

Guy Eldoon’s Salty Noodles

Whet Noodle’s Soba

Dane Gustavia’s Candy

La Carneval’s Beefsteak

Van Zieks’ Holy Grail

For some reason they don’t offer you the option to justify your choice with this one.

QUESTION 15

Q15.ハシゴ派？　キャタツ派？

“Ladder or stepladder?”

The options are “ladder” and then “stepladder”. You have the option to put something else if you’re a heathen.

QUESTION 16

Q16.好きな亜内一族のヘアスタイルは？

“What is your favorite Payne Family Hairstyle?”

Options are:

Ace Attorney 1 and 2’s “73 hairs”

Ace Attorney 3’s full set of hair

Ace Attorney 4’s “hair only on the sides”

Ace Attorney 5 and 6’s Gaspen Payne Hair [idk what this actually says sorry]

The Great Ace Attorney 1’s chonmage

The Great Ace Attorney 2’s “sprout of hope”

Then you can put in a word about your feelings about the Paynes in the free response.

QUESTION 17

Q17.好きなBGMとその理由を教えて！

“Which is your favorite BGM and why?”

This is a free response so you’ll need to track down the song name itself… good luck with that. Then you can explain why in the free response section… even more good luck with that. The wiki does have the soundtracks of the games in English and Japanese, I believe, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find.

PLAYER MEMORIES SECTION

QUESTION 18

Q18.『逆転』シリーズで泣いたことはある？　それはどんな場面？(※何度も泣いた人は、もっとも泣いたシーンをお答えください)

“Have you ever cried during the Ace Attorney series? If so, at which scene? (* For people who have cried many times, pick the scene you cried at the most.)”

The first option is a “yes” or “no” for if you’ve cried or not.

The second option is again picking a case, which I don’t feel like writing out again, but it’s in the same order as in question 11. Then in the free response you write what scene you cried in with that case. You could try finding the dialogue - this thread https://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=29682 has a place to download the dual japanese and english scripts for most games except for aai2 and the great ace attorney games. For those ones... good luck.

QUESTION 19

Q19.開発してほしい『逆転裁判』グッズはある？(逆転裁判凡例つき六法全書とかなるほどくんのヘアワックス、考える人型の彫像時計など)※グッズ化が実現するわけではありません。

“Do you have any “Ace Attorney” merchandise you’d like us to develop? (Ace Attorney-themed law books, Phoenix Wright’s hair gel, a clock shaped like the Thinker statue, etc.) *This does not mean it will be made into merchandise”

This is a free response section, so good luck explaining, again.

And finally:

QUESTION 20

Q20.開発スタッフに向けて、お祝いのメッセージをお願いします。

“Give a congratulatory message to the development staff!”

If you don’t know what to put here, you can just copy and paste the following:

20周��おめでとうございます!

Which just says “Congratulations on the 20th anniversary!” I think. If I got it wrong, it’s hopefully not horrendously offensive. If you tried to type your answers and have no confidence in your Japanese, you can input “日本語は話せません”, “I don’t speak Japanese”, though they may have figured that out already.

And with that the survey is done and you can submit! We’ll see the results in October. Thanks for following along!

#ace attorney #this'll definitely be interesting. hope this is accurate!

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terrific-togekiss · 4 years ago

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What if Pokémon Legends went on to other Regions?

This has been a topic of the Pokémon fandom for awhile. With the announcement of Pokémon Legends: Arceus not too long ago, many fans are anticipating and speculating the future of this ambitious side series.

Being able to not only witness, learn and partake in the legends that shape both the regions and Legendary Pokémon, leaves much room for creativity.

This is all merely speculation.

Here's my take for how any future Pokémon Legends games could play out.

Pokémon Legends: Mew

Set about roughly 20 years before the events of Pokémon Red, Blue and Yellow, the elusive Mew makes an appearance in the Kanto Region.

This prompts many scientists to want to study and catch the original Pokémon, foreshadowing the creation of Mewtwo and the Ditto.

You, the player, are taken under the wing of a much younger Professor Oak, with the Gen 1 Gym Leaders also showing up to lend a hand.

As the plot focuses on you tracking down Mew before various criminals and an older Team Rocket, try to for their own nefarious purposes. Helping Professor Oak invent the Pokédex and with his research.

Gene splicing and gene testing on Pokémon grew after the War LT. Surge fought in, with an older Team Rocket using it to their advantage.

This Team Rocket being a much bigger criminal organization, before the player took them down and a smaller one appeared in Pokémon Red, Blue and Yellow.

A younger Giovanni is also present, as the player gets to know the man that would go on to lead present day Team Rocket. He's a friend to the player... for now, giving some insight on who he was beforehand and show how he took over the criminal organization, setting up the events Pokémon Red, Blue and Yellow.

Mew's appearance in the Kanto region, inspires him to the point of illegal gene testing on Pokémon.

As a nod to Pokémon first debuting in 1996, the game takes on a more of a late 60s to mid 70s aesthetic, so it feels like the player is shaping the legends that set up Gen 1 of Pokémon.

Plus Kanto in the Legends artstyle would be mindblowing. And take inspiration from 60s to 70s Japan.

In addition, to avoid looking too similar to Pokémon Legends: Arceus. Being more of a modern era Japan region, than a Meiji period Japan inspired region. While following in said game's footsteps, by focusing on the secondary legendary than the main one (Mewtwo).

The starters would be Chikorita (Gen 1 is about Nature vs Technology), Torchic (Peace and War aesthetic) and Popplio (60s to 70s definitely saw a rise in many famous and popular musicians).

Pokémon Legends: Celebi

Ever wonder the origins of the Legendary Beasts: Raikou, Suicine and Entei?

What they were before they were killed in Brass Tower revived by Ho-Oh? How Ho-Oh came down and choose them, saving their lives? The sea Lugia stays in the deep for? The early days of Johto? The ruins of Alpha in the past? The early days of the Kimino Girls?

Well now you, the player, do now! ...sort of. As the title of the game implies, the player meets and befriends Celebi and gets to see many of these events via time travel.

Not only would this include a huge mechanic separate from other Legends games, but it would be the most unique in how it could be approached. As Nintendo is no stranger to time travel games (e.g. Majora's Mask) that impact both the plot and gameplay.

Time travel tends to create stories that are very confusing or very heartwrenching. Or both. But I have no doubt it would be the latter.

It also leaves room for many side quests.

Starters would be Bulbasaur (Time is all about growth), Scorbunny (Bunny Rabbits are not only a common symbol in the older days of Japan, but of Spring much like Ho-Oh) and Froakie (ninjas were more prevalent during this time period, as they slowly faded out).

Pokémon Legends: Jirachi

1000 years before the events of Pokémon Emerald, (Omega) Ruby and (Alpha) Sapphire, chaos raged across the ancient Hoenn Region, between two legendary Pokémon: Groudon and Kyogre. The Draconid people hope and pray for the arrival of Rayquaza to save the Hoenn Region itself.

This is where the player steps in: in order for all this chaos to end, the wishes of the people must be heard. And the only Pokémon capable of that is Jirachi.

The player would go around helping wishes be granted, traveling and training Pokémon along the way.

An ancestor of Zinnia also makes an appearance as a friend and rival of the player.

To maintain the wishes and stars aesthetic, Deoxys also makes an appearance with its origin being explored. Being able to explore space itself, meeting Pokémon said to have an "alien" origin, like Elgyem and Beheeyem.

Latios and Latias can also be caught, flying on them just like in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.

The meteor that would hit the future Sootopolis is what awakened Groudon and Kyogre, said Meteor containing Deoxys. Setting up the game's plot.

Since it's roughly 1000 years before the Gen 3 Pokémon games, Hoenn resembles and takes inspiration from Japan during the Heian period.

The starters would be Turtwig (Theme of continents being at stake), Chimchar (Japanese and Chinese relations) and Totodile (sea monster symbolism, which is often associated with crocodiles and related animals).

Pokémon Legends: The Dragon

Two Princes, of Galar origin, known as the "Twin Heroes" share the power of an unimaginable Legendary Dragon. Bringing Truth and Ideals to the people of Unova. They live and lead from Relic Castle.

You, the player, are a friend of the princes and over the course of the game, your alliance with them changes. Struggling to choose between Truth or Ideals. Serving as a major story mechanic.

A feud and disagreement between the Princes happen, with the player being caught in the middle and to try to quell the anger of the Dragon.

In addition to finally seeing Reshiram and Zekrom before they split, Victini is also present with the Swords of Justice Pokémon (Cobalion, Virizion, and Terrakion), the Forces of Nature (Tornadus, Thundurus, and Landorus) and even Meloetta tries to raise people's spirits.

Team Plasma's origins are alluded to, with the army of the Princes baring an odd resemblance to the future evil team.

The game has more of a wild western aesthetic since Unova is based on New York. Think late 18th century America. With horseback riding on Pokémon like Zebstrika and Rapidash, bandits and criminals that try to steal your Pokémon and being able to explore Unova in its entirety.

Or perhaps roaring 20s to 30s America. If that setting sounds more vibrant and close to the Unova of Gen 5. This is all still speculation.

You even get to ride Keldeo in a later part of the game.

The starters would be Chespin (Chesnaught is based on a Glyptodon; fossils were found in South America), Litten (Wrestling is popular in New York) and Mudkip (mudpuppies are found in Lake Michigan).

Pokémon Legends: Diancie

Set after the Kalos War, you the player are caught in the middle of it going off to fight with your Pokémon. Hoping to make a difference as the Professor (ancestor of Professor Sycamore) takes you under his wing. And hoping to help the war turned world that is Kalos.

Yveltal and Xernas have both gone into slumber, with Zygarde needing to be restored to at least 50% (player can go to 100%), so the world of Kalos can be healed from this war.

The main game focuses on Diancie: since Diancie is the Pokémon of diamonds, the war has forced soldiers and leaders to exhaust the many resources of the Kalos region. Particularly precious stones and diamonds.

The player befriends Diancie later in the game as the two work together to bring an end the greedy hearts of those involved.

The game resembles France during the 100 Years War, with the player character even having armor as part of their attire. Due to Kalos being based off of France, roughly Middle Ages or Medieval France in this game's case.

AZ also makes a few appearances in the game, racked with grief over firing the Ultimate Weapon, mostly keeping to himself over the game's plot.

As a new gameplay mechanic, the player can befriend other trainers to amass armies to overcome many challenges, like beating other armies and crossing obstacles.

Volcanion and Hoopa are also present in the game and can be caught.

The origins of Mega Evolutions are expanded on, with the player getting their hands on some Mega Stones. Due to the energy of the Ultimate Weapon.

The starters would be Snivy (said Pokémon is based on French nobility), Piplup (Empoleon is based off of Emperors and can be a nod to Napoleon) and Charmander (Charizard is based off of European Dragons).

Pokémon Legends: Marshadow

Set in the ancient Aloha region, when Tribes followed the Tapu Pokémon, you the player find yourself stranded in this intriguing region.

Ultra space wormholes begin opening across the region and its up to the player to figure out why and how to stop them. Even being able to traverse the Ultra Megalopolis in its entirety.

Necrozma is up to it and the player must learn why. With Marshadow playing a bigger role, since most of its origin is shrouded in mystery, so this would be a great opportunity to explore those origins.

Along with the origins of the Z-Crystals.

The game has more of an ancient Polynesian world, seeing as how Aloha is based of Hawaii. Being able to sail to smaller islands and even catch Pokémon while doing so.

The starters would be Grookey (drums are a popular musical instrument in the tropics), Sobble (chameleons are native to Hawaii) and Tepig (pigs have been brought to Polynesian Islands in the past).

Pokémon Legends: Zarude

3000 years, before the events of Pokémon Sword and Shield, a black storm covers the very region itself. This black storm causes Pokémon to randomly Dynamax and Gigantamax. Many live in fear of what the next day brings, as hope of a better day seems like only a naive dream.

The player joins with many Pokémon researchers (some being ancestors of familiar faces in Pokémon Sword and Shield), in order to track down the source of this chaos.

Zarude comes in as he helps providing with resources from various forests, so less Pokémon and people are harmed. Or worse.

The player believes tracking down Zarude, will lead them to stopping this madness (Eternatus).

The game looks much like 13th to 14th century Britain, in much of the fashion of characters and even dealing with the equivalent of a plague. Ironically enough.

The starters are Treecko (Forest theme and light in the dark theme in contrast to the Darkest Days), Fenniken (Magicians are a common Middle Ages motif) and Squirtle (Cannons were first invented in Europe, around this time period).

#pokémon #pokemon #pokémon legends arceus #pokemon legends: arceus #pokemon legends #video games #video game ideas #my post #mew #celebi #jirachi #diancie #marshadow #zarude #terrific togekiss

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butwhatifidothis · 3 years ago

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I did it! Finally fucking did it! I 100% the support log for 3H….Holy shit, that took longer than I was expecting, lol.

(Long rant, so heads up.)

I came in thinking “Oh they finally time-locked the supports, so I don’t have to have the damn cursor mocking me every time I open the menu like in Awakening and Fates, hurr hurr”. No no no no no. At least for Awakening and Fates, it was on my dumb ass for pressing the S-support and saving when I knew I shouldn’t. First off, if they wanted us to regain supports for Byleth in NG+, why the heck are supports for characters like Edelgard, Rhea, Dorothea and Lindhart locked? I don’t mean time-locked like the post-TS supports in a regular playthrough, I mean deadass “you can’t buy this, period” locked. “Oh it’s because you haven’t advanced that far in the story yet”. I can buy post-TS supports for the other characters, what makes El and Rhea exceptions?! The only thing that would be lost is that I don’t have to replay their entire route to get their S-support twice. It’s not like there’s enough differences between Bylad and Bylass to warrant the supports being locked, none of the characters specify a specific gender in their dialogue, and as far as different models go, changing models during a cutscene is coded into the game, so that should be no issue.

After going through the monastery option enough times, the hubworld is in this weird limbo state where it feels like it was made specifically for Byleth’s benefit (faculty training, recruiting party members, etc,) but the rest of the party seems to benefit from it instead (Instructions, Motivation points, etc). The Explore vs Battle options just don’t mix well, which feels like poor design choice. You can focus on auxiliary battles to raise your party’s level, but at the cost of potentially missing out on more party members. You can instead focus on the monastery to recruit party members, but at the cost of Byleth falling behind due to splitting activity points between recruiting and faculty training, and being in the monastery means less time grinding for levels. This isn’t as much of a problem in NG+, but if a game needs NG+ to lessen a design problem, then that’s more of a sign to me that the idea itself needed more ironing out.

As far as using the monastery to raise support points goes, the hubworld definitely needs a revamp. The only (good) options available are Meal Time and Choir Practice, with the latter being limited to once per week and the former making me think that the monastery must eat their own weapons to survive due to how fucking scarce food ingredients are. Getting meat and fish isn’t too big of an issue so long as you have enough money, but produce might as well be an urban legend. There were too many times where I had 60+ fish/meat, but produce was at fucking 1. I get that they wanted to be “realistic” in having seeds grow once per week, but if it’s at the cost of a gameplay element being nigh unplayable, then some more thought needs to be put into it. Sothis is a goddess of life and time, maybe her powers allow Byleth to make plants grow faster. Just something to make this section actually playable.

The final thing I wanted to talk about when it comes to the monastery is that, for some baffling reason, it is entirely possible to lock yourself out of key events like S-supports or being able to choose CF, simply by skipping to the end of the month. I’m not sure why this is a thing. It’s not like the game was designed with speedruns in mind (I mean, it is possible to beat a route in an hour, but fuck me if I ever succeeded in that), and nothing happens like a prompt popping up that you have to explore the monastery during that month or even limiting your options to just Explore (which the game has done before). This is especially weird for the quest in getting Jeralt’s ring (how to access S-supports), since Byleth is supposed to be sad in this month, so not being able to do seminars or Byleth being undeployable during auxiliary battles would make sense.

The option to choose CF is even worse though, because at least for Jeralt’s ring it’s a Red Quest that doesn’t allow you to finish exploring unless you complete it. For Edelgard, however? A dime-a-dozen quest prompt you can entirely look over and skip. No prompt by the game, no indication to talk to Edelgard, nothing. FFS, Rhea’s tea time quest was given more thought. At least her quest marker is a unique color.

(End of rant…sort of)

…So anyways, that was my experience with the game, lmao. Now you or someone else may be thinking, “nonnie, if you had this many problems completing the game, why did you bother?”, and the answer to that good question is…I’m not completely sure, lol. I know there’s more than one reason why, so bear with me here. I know part of it is due to sunk-cost fallacy (“I’m already this far into the game, I might as well fully complete it”), but I think a bigger reason is because I knew ahead of time that the routes were so similar to each other that there was little point in having a route split to begin with (except for CF, but who gives a fuck about that?). Despite all of my bitching, I do really like 3H even if I admit that it’s my least favorite FE game that I’ve played so far. I guess a part of me just wanted to like the game more despite my issues with it.

Now that I think about it, maybe the main reason was for fear of future mainline games. People are fear to like whatever part of a game that they wish, but I do think that 3H introduced some fundamental storytelling flaws that I’d rather not see repeated in the future, with me focusing on 3 in particular: 1) The Monastery, 2) Route Splits and 3) Byleth.

Aside from what I already talked about in regards to the monastery, if we are going to get another hubworld in the new FE title, have it to where it doesn’t conflict with how the rest of the story is presented. Is it better to simply tell us that the Western Church is xenophobic in an easily skippable side quest early on, or is it better to show us? Enemy Western Church NPCs going after foreign party members like Dedue or Petra more aggressively and calling them “animals” or the like, the map having Duscari NPCs locking themselves indoors for fear that the Western Church will persecute them, things of that nature. Is it better to tell us that there has been civil unrest in the Empire and the citizens revolting against Edelgard, or is it better to show us? Enemy Adrestian Civilian NPCs, assassins specifically going after Edelgard in a map, maybe one where a large farmland has been stripped bare. Things like that.

I’d rather do away with the Persona-calendar/Monastery hubworld, but if they are here to stay then they need enough content in it to keep the player engaged for 20-odd chapters, because there isn’t enough content in Garreg Mach to even hold up 12 chapters. Speaking of more content, if there’s going to be another route split in the next title, then there needs to be enough differences in the routes that actually warrants having a route split. Fates already did this well in having the route split be early in the game, along with the plot and story maps of each route being different, you could even skip to the route split moment on subsequent playthroughs, so 3H’s approach in having to play the same 12 chapters 3-4 times just felt like a massive downgrade. Playing multiple routes should feel rewarding rather than tedious, is what I’m trying to say.

Finally, and most importantly, I know that no one at IS is reading this but on the off chance that someone is - please, for the love of God, do not make another blank-slate/self insert main character like Byleth. Or at the very least, don’t have them be the focal point of the story, it’s a big reason why AM just works better than the other routes. For a game like FE, “self-insert” and “protagonist” goes as well as oil and water. Now, out of those three flaws listed, the Byleth one is what I’m hard set on. The monastery and route split flaws, my opinion might be flexible within reason, but the Byleth one…not so much, lol. If we really do get another self-insert doll for a main character, that alone is going to make the next game a hard sell for me, because seeing all the praise Byleth got (and has been getting) makes me fear that IS is going to take the wrong lesson from this and think they don’t have to put effort in making their protagonist anything resembling an actual person and their audience will still lap it up. It would be one thing if I just hated the character, but I don’t. I’m disappointed, which is even worse.

…With that said, it’s still better than whatever the heck Cap’n’Crunch is doing. Okay, rant over. For real this time.

—

I agree with a lot said here! But I do have a few disagreements, though they’re mostly my opinion than anything else lol

And this first one is probably like, extremely unpopular given how much shit I’ve seen flung at this aspect of 3H, but like… I actually really like the Monastery? Like yes, absolutely, it should have done more to not shelter the player from how bad the war is and it should change more with the world instead of being in this mostly limbo state where apparently seasons don’t real. I definitely also have those complaints, but to me, the Monastery was fine for the most part. A lot of the issues you brought up, like supports and Faculty Training and supplies for eating, weren’t a problem for me almost at all. My only real gripe is with how hard it is for Byleth to get training in Flying, Mounted and especially Heavy Armor without NG+ unlocking weapons ranks, since they don’t have access to Weekly Chores. I do believe I still managed to recruit everyone while only unlocking C in Faith on my Maddening playthrough of GD, but it certainly wasn’t easy. But I feel a lot of the problem people have with it are on subsequent playthroughs where they’re trying to do things like 100% any aspect of 3H, which yeah is gonna exacerbate the issues tenfold. Cuz like, while those three weapons ranks I mentioned are hard for Byleth to raise, on Normal mode you have unlimited auxiliary battles to help with all the other ones.

Like, I wanted to get Claude’s Dex to the max amount right? Just cuz I felt like it. And in doing that I found out just how tedious it is to get levels once a unit gets to a certain point, just cuz while Normal Mode gives you the Retreat option that lets you keep exp so you can drop a unit down on a yellow spot and get a decent boost in exp… you can do that like, twice or thrice on a story chapter. Once if it’s auxiliary (and not the freebie one). And that’s if you even have internet. And using the greenhouse to get Ailiell Pomegranates was a pain because they weren’t really guaranteed even if I used nothing but the right seed - doing that is more consistent, but not always, and I usually only got one anyway. It was annoying! But I was also doing a specific thing that’s gonna heighten the flaws in the system that I never would have noticed - didn’t even notice - unless I did that. The flaws are still there, don’t get me wrong! The Monastery definitely still needs improvement, battles still need to be a little more streamlined for future playthrough, but the flaws can seem a bit bigger than they are once you do certain things outside of a casual playthrough, know what I mean?

But, for example, when replaying 3H on hard mode and looking to recruit everyone after my no recruitment run, I didn’t come across any dilemma over “recruitment or Byleth being good, pick one.” That was the run my Byleth was usable, in fact - my first blind run that was no recruitment (save for Shamir) had my Byleth be pretty much completely useless while literally everyone else was fine. Also never came across problems with supplies for cooking (or at least not any big enough to comment on). So like, while these (and the above stuff) can certainly be problems for players trying to do everything everything in 3H, at least from my experience I just haven’t come across them. The monastery itself definitely needed a better story implementation, but yeah. I could’ve just been lucky tho lmao

I don’t mind how they implemented trying to get on CF at all tho lol. If you’ve been playing the game like it suggests you do - supporting characters and exploring the monastery there’s no reason for players to have missed getting on CF. If players wanted to ignore one of the biggest aspects of the game I don’t really feel that bad for them when they miss out on very achievable things. Plus, CF’s requirements are nothing in terms of FE’s madness when it comes to getting on a route. It may be more specific than any other route, but like I said, playing the game as the game tells you to would naturally land you in it (the only thing that might be a bit unfair is that I think if you talk with Edelgard at all that month you have to decide right then and there, and then the whole month is lost. Kinda ass).

Binding Blade, for example, requires you to do specific things that few first time players would think to do in multiple, random chapters in order for you to get the best ending. With absolutely no warning as to when these chapters happen and what to do in them. And some of these requirements are not fun lmao, I’d prefer how they did it with CF than with how they’ve handled ~secret~ stuff before personally

Pretty much agree with everything else though! While 3H is actually one of my more favored games in the series, I’ll be the first to admit that its storytelling is in dire need of improvement. Having the story and lore of the game just be spat out in lore dumps and this or that NPC just isn’t that good. Or if they are going to do that, at the very least give some visuals to go along with it! Imagine how much impactful Rhea’s story would have been if it was in a visual format, like CGs and/or a cutscene. It still would be an info dump, but at least we can see for ourselves how horrific the Red Canyon was for her! And I do not want another avatar in whatever next mainline game we get, personality or not. We’ve evolved past the need for self-inserts that all the characters Just Like lmao

But thanks for sharing your thoughts!! And sorry that it took so long for me to get to answering ;w;

#submission #anon #exqueuese me princess #but hey I found the og submission at least!! for some reason it got thrown in like the middle of my drafts?? weird lmao #but yeah overall I do think 3H could've done with some refinement for later more intensive playthroughs #and on the other hand I get why they didn't immediately think of them if that makes sense #also lol yeah the base game is infinitely more fun that whatever Cap'n'n doin' lmao

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kainetestament · 4 years ago

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Pietro, no Fietro could still possibly be Peter from X-Men Universe… Maybe?

So as revealed in Episode 9 of WandaVision, the identity of Fietro is none other than Ralph Bohner, the husband Agness always mention, and a possible real resident of Westview. WV director Matt Shakman already clarified that the “Bohner” is actually a reference to his 80’s sitcom Growing Pains. But for many fans of Evan Peters, this “Bohner” joke didn’t play well and at the same time, let us breakdown everything that is wrong with this identity of Ralph Bohner and why he’s suspicious despite the claim of WandaVision writers/director that Evan Peters has nothing to do with the mutants or X-Men Universe, after all they always deny everything. They even mentioned that they had no idea that Evan Peters appearance will cause so many theories and everything, which I highly doubt, I mean come on, they made him play QuickSilver in WandaVision when he is QuickSilver himself only of another universe. I don’t dissed ATJ, I love this guy too from his Kickass, Godzilla movie (this is where I first encounter ATJ before his QS role in Avengers), but as a QS, Evan Peters top him, on my opinion at least, he even has his own QS commercials. Also, Evan Peters have more cool QS moments, the Kitchen scene VS the Age of Ultron overall, at least for me, I prefer the kitchen scene and the whiplash part. Anyhow, let us begin:

Note: I edited this post to make this article more easier to read and added additional info.

1. Speculations roaming around that Ralph Bohner could be an aspiring actor because the picture is actually his headshot (which actually looks like his earlier AHS photos). I’m not going to debunk this possibility, but I do not believe it’s a headshot nor he’s an aspiring actor. Although true enough, the image does looks like of Evan Peters early AHS photos (kind of like Tate Langdon) – which is probably a reference to that, who knows.

2. The pile of papers on the side table. It is questionable why would your papers, a bill (a very old bill even - not folded or inside one of those envelopes) and your photos in plain sight where Monica – an outsider can see it? Almost as if you planned it all along and he wanted Monica to see it.

3. Necromancy vs Crystallum Possession. Necromancy is a dark arts of when the person (the Necromancer) can manipulate the dead body of the person, or summoning their spirit. Crystallum Possession however is also part of the dark arts but this time you are using an object (like crystals, gems, stones etc) that is embodied with the user’s spells to manipulate the wearer.

Agatha had told Wanda that what she does is a crystallum possession since necromancy is a no-no due to his brother’s body is on another continent, and since this Pietro died in 2014, it should now be bones, I think the “full of holes” remark is nothing more than a mocking remark, because if it’s not, then Marvel will probably have their own interpretation of Necromancy and Crystallum Possession, and this could probably go darker. And Ralph is wearing a bead necklace that is embedded with Agatha’s power. But is Agatha really in full control of Ralph? Honestly, I don’t think so. Why? Because in Episode 6, Peter said about Wanda’s costume “Worse than the costume mom made us the year we got typhus”, then she reminisced “that year”, and told him “That’s not exactly how I remember it.” because in her universe, she isn’t wearing Halloween costume she thinks is worse and she didn’t deny about them getting typhus, so what are the odds of Agatha/Fietro getting that info if he is not Peter? Also, we don’t know how MARVEL will tell the story multiverse/alternate timelines (the Russo Brothers already claimed that they have their own way of telling this story), but if we are looking for a one generic rule, major life events will occur but will be told uniquely as per their universe, on this case Peter and Wanda did had a typhus, but in Peter’s world, his Wanda and him are probably wearing whatever cosplay outfit their mom made and in Wanda and Pietro are just wearing something simple, or it could be that Peter really just have a weird sense of style.

4. The WATER BILL. Now, this is a real bill, it is not part of Wanda’s illusion, this is Ralph’s actual water bill, because Ralph’s house was under Agatha’s spell, which makes it exempted from Wanda’s spell. Also, if you go frame by frame, you can actually see the word “Water”, “PAST DUE” on the right column part of the bill, before it totally goes out of focus and you can only read the left side part, that also says “YOUR MONTHLY USAGE (1,000 GAL INCREMENTS)”, which further validates it’s a water bill, not a phone bill nor electricity bill as others actually claim. And here is the tricky part, the bill’s date. On the right side under the STATEMENT is the Account Information (using Arial font), it’s a bit hard to make out of it, but it’s actually an old bill. Before it becomes totally blurry, you can read the right part of the bill that says:

STATEMENT

ACCOUNT INFORMATION

ACCOUNT: 09-3476-12

SERVICE ADDRESS: 2804 SHERWOOD DRIVE

BILL DATE: 10/01/2020

DUE DATE: 10/31/2020

If we go back to Infinity War, it takes place in June 2018. So that means that this Ralph Bohner survived the SNAP, but what could happen to him in year 2019-2020? Who knows, I don’t even know if I should care or not.

If we check on the usage chart – which is “not blurred” (it’s also in increments of 12 – 12/24/36/48/60), and I’ll just speculate on the numbers on the meter chart, so don’t take my word for it. Also, I don’t know what Marvel is planning or hinting by showing this insignificant 2020 bill, which also has confusing usage. (I’ll just use term like pcm – per cubic meter, so that it won’t just be plain numbers beside the month).

January - 6 pcm

February – 18 pcm

March – 6 pcm

April – 6 pcm

June – 6 pcm

July – 9 pcm

August – 13 pcm

September – 22 pcm

October – 34 pcm

(November and December have gray shade - similar to the one in month of Jan-May).

Again, I don’t know what’s the significance of not blurring this part of the bill while the right side column is properly blurred. And the confusing part of this bill, is the bill date is of 10/01/2020 – meaning Ralph had received this bill during the first week of October, but why is there already a usage for the full month of October, when usage should be only show up to the month of September? After the Account Information, there’s the

METER INFORMATION (WATER)

USAGE PREVIOUS DATE CURRENT DATE

4 1963 (?) 09/01/20 *- - - -* *- - - -*

The PREVIOUS actually looks like either 1063 or 1963, and oddly enough the first Avengers Comics was published on September 1, 1963, I don’t know if that’s a reference to that, but from my pov, it shouldn’t be because this series is inspired of House of M and a bit touch of West Coast Avengers, which was already reference by the SUV plate number in Episode 7. The CURRENT and DATE are both unreadable, I can only identify _ _ _ 2 in CURRENT and 0_/_ _/20 for the DATE after.

And let’s also not forget that outside the HEX, it is August 2023 and as per Episode 8, inside the HEX is currently year 2013 as shown in the auditorium behind the lighting after it explained how Wanda created Vision. I don’t know if this is a reference to something from the past MCU projects (X-Men even) or future franchise like Falcon and Winter Soldier, who knows, really. I just find it weird why they didn’t blurry the meter chart while the rest are. But why year 2020? Why isn’t this bill thrown out yet? Didn’t Monica notice that billing date of the bill?

5. The man-cave. The staff really transformed Fietro’s man-cave into very, very Peter-like (if he really is not Peter). I will list thing that are present and similar to what Peter of X-Men Universe room have. I’ll reference * (single asterisk) for Days of Future Past, ** (double asterisk) for Apocalypse, and *** (triple asterisk) for both films.

❀ comfortable couch***

❀ guitar***

❀ headphones***

❀ balls*

❀ lots of posters***

❀ bike***

❀ a bar**

❀ shoes on the floor**

❀ different types of drinks (non alcoholic)***

Also, lots of silver/metallic items such as:

❀ silver lamp**

❀ silver TV

❀ silver house ventilation tubes

❀ silver pillowcases (looks gray on other angles)

❀ silver mini fridge

❀ silver microwave oven

❀ silver rack (where TV and speaker stands)

❀ silver wristwatch*

❀ video games*** (both PS & XBox)

and even something that looks like a stolen goods like the Tiki Bar plaque, Tiger head.

This Fietro is basically just missing the goggles, I did my best to look for it (like on those detective games that instructs you to find this and that *lol*), but there’s really none *laugh*. Also, I just noticed the arrangement of his man-cave – single-seat couch** > small side table with a lamp** > 3-seater couch (the Apocalypse has an L-shape couch though) > a middle coffee table**, this arrangement is similar to Peter’s man-cave in Apocalypse which can be slightly seen when his mom came down saying “Just checking on you” (you can watch it at starting point 1:02:55, at least on my copy), you just need to look for proper timing because a few of those shots are out of focus probably due to her obviously looking somewhere reading her lines that are raised besides the camera, which became even more obvious when she did a close up shot when she told him “But trust me, this won’t end well. Nothing does with him.”

Also, in Episode 5, when Peter first made an appearance, the leather jacket he’s wearing is eerily similar to the one he’s wearing in his cameo appearance in Deadpool 2 (we only got the glimpse of the front of the jacket in Deadpool but the front side of his jacket in WandaVision is identical). Though I find it weird too that his hair color switch from silver to light ash blonde.

6. Ralph is the guy under witness protection? I doubt it, although honestly at first I considered maybe he is, but after a few thinking, it doesn’t lead to it, because if he’s in witness protection, and the person who is managing him forgets him because of Wanda, FBI database should still at least have a photo of him to be able to identify him, and Jimmy in episode 7 saw Peter and never commented about him being their missing guy. As we all know, the house is under the name Ralph Bohner, who we can assume survived the SNAP and possibly left that house in September 2020. If he had left the house way back in 2020, why does Agent Woo or FBI rather only checked it now? Also, if Ralph Boner is indeed the guy under witness protection, it is the FBI that pays off their bill, on this case, the Water Bill was past due even if it was an old bill, so I don’t think he is.

7. Does Ralph Boner really exist? This is actually something that I have given some thought. Because if we think of QuickSilver, one of his abilities as per comics is his Quick Intelligence. His mind process a lot of things much faster than an average person. Peter spying on everyone and pretending to be someone else in an unknown world is not surprising, let alone using everything he can take advantage of. It can be that the bill is fake and there is really no Ralph Bohner, or just like what I mentioned in #7, he could’ve possibly left in September 2020 and hasn’t returned yet, and Peter assumes this identity to avoid suspicion.

If we are to assume he really is Peter Maximoff of X-Men Universe (Earth-TRN414) and crossed over to Earth-616, I did consider this could also be the house where he lives as per his universe and just so happens that Ralph Bohner is the current owner of the house in this MCU. Also, Xavier Institute is located in NY and in Days of Future Past, they only drove from NY to his house via rental car, which we can assume that he doesn’t live that far from NY, after all NY and NJ are neighbors.

8. Also this has nothing to do with Ralph/Fietro, but something I noticed, that the outside anomaly or outside of Westview – about the selective amnesia has yet to be answered. It only explained that Wanda is manipulating the people INSIDE, but not the ones outside the HEX. What actually come to mind when I think about it is that it can be a work by a TELEPATH which can be either Charles Xavier or Emma Frost (no Jean Grey? Yes I excluded her). What I am actually thinking is that the person under witness protection is a spy sent by Charles or possibly working with him. He could have implanted false memory to the so called “family and friends”, so when the HEX was established, the strings got cut off hence no one could remember this “missing person” anymore, and Jimmy who has nothing to do with this “missing person” is not affected by the selective amnesia and assumes the responsibility of looking for him. And assuming Charles is the telepath who altered their memories of the people outside of Westview, he probably has done it as a precaution since he couldn’t contact his spy or “missing person” and wouldn’t take the risk of endangering the resident who were happened to be outside the HEX when Wanda establishes it.

These are just some of the things I find that doesn’t make sense with Ralph’s identity. But we’ll just leave it at that. I still really want James McAvoy back as Charles Xavier and Michael Fassbender as Magneto, since both Sir Ian McKKellen and Sir Patrick Stewart did mention they’re done with their role. And I feel that it’s too risky to use them since they are in their 80’s now, I don’t know them personally but it gives me some sorts of paranoia *laughs* thinking they might get injured.

#PeterMaximoff #PietroMaximoff #Fietro #RalphBohner #X-Men #Multiverse

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arcticdementor · 3 years ago

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“Hey bro! Check out this Nike ad!” This was my entry point into a new world.

…

Since Carlos had lived mostly outside the United States, he was able to follow soccer on a level I’d never encountered in my hometown. Back then, before social media and the advent of scarf-wearing Northwestern fútbol hipsters, big-time European soccer was like the metric system: Known to almost all but ourselves. But Carlos knew, and immediately used LimeWire to curate me a massive archive of 1990s through early 2000s soccer highlights. What was I doing in the world without them?

Oddly enough, in trying to inculcate me in soccer fandom, he started not with game highlights, but with the advertisements. Yes, Carlos was an educator and a voluntary footsoldier for Big Apparel. Going in, I had no clue about high-quality, internationally popular Nike soccer ads. The ads, written by the legendary Wieden+Kennedy firm, were miniature movies, films that were often creatively daring but also quite funny. The most popular of these ads might be “Good vs. Evil,” from 1996, where Nike’s best soccer players team up to play Satan’s literal army. The blending of sacrilege, theology and comedy just worked, like a more ambitious version of Space Jam that somehow took itself less seriously than Space Jam.

…

Yes, I know ads aren’t supposed to be high art. I understand that they are the purest distillation of manipulative greed. And yet, they sometimes are culturally relevant generational touchstones. While Nike was weaving soccer into enduring pop culture abroad, it was having a similar kind of success with basketball and baseball stateside. These ads weren’t just pure ephemera. Michael Jordan’s commercials were so good that, as he nears age 60, his sneaker still outsells any modern athlete’s. “Chicks dig the long ball” is a phrase (a) that can get you sent to the modern HR department and b) whose origins are fondly remembered by most American men over the age of 35.

Modern Nike ads will never be so remembered. It’s not because we’re so inundated with information these days, though we are. And it’s not because today’s overexposed athletes lack the mystique of the 1990s superstars, though they do. It’s because the modern Nike ads are beyond fucking terrible.

…

They’re bad for many causes, but one in particular is an incongruity at the company’s heart. Nike, like so many major institutions, is suffering from what I’ll call Existence Dissonance. It’s happening in a particular way, for a particular reason and the result is that what Nike is happens to be at cross-purposes from what Nike aspires to be.

…

For all the talk of a racial reckoning within major industries, Nike’s main problem is this: It’s a company built on masculinity, most specifically Michael Jordan’s alpha dog brand of it. Now, due to its own ambitions, scandals, and intellectual trends, Nike finds masculinity problematic enough to loudly reject.

This rejection is part of the broader culture war, but it’s accelerating due to an arcane quirk in the apparel giant’s strange restructuring plan, announced in June. Under the leadership of new CEO John Donahoe, Nike is moving away from its classic discrete sports categories (Nike Basketball, Nike Soccer, etc.) in favor of a system where all products are shoveled into one of three divisions: men’s, women’s and kids’. Obviously Nike made clothing tailored to the specificities of all these groups before, but now, Nike is emphasizing gender over sport. Gone is the model of the product appealing to basketball fans because they are basketball fans. It’s now replaced by a model of, say, the product appealing to women because they are women.

And hey, women buy sneakers too. Actually, women buy the lion’s share of clothing in the United States. While women shoppers are market dominant in nearly every aspect of American apparel, the clothing multinational named after a Greek goddess happens to be a major exception. At Nike, according to its own records, men account for roughly twice as much revenue as women do.

You might see that stat and think, “Well, this means that Nike will prioritize men over women in its new, odd, gendered segmentation of the company.” That’s not necessarily how this all works, thanks to a phenomenon I’ll call Undecided Whale. The idea is that a company, as its aims grow more expansive, starts catering less to the locked-in core customer and more to a potential whale which demonstrates some interest. Sure, you can just keep doing what’s made you rich, but how can you even focus on your primary business with that whale out there, swimming so tantalizingly close? The whale, should you bring it in, has the potential to enrich you far more than your core customers ever did. And yeah yeah yeah, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but those were birds. This is a damned whale! And so you start forgetting about your base.

You can see this dynamic in other places. For the NBA, China is its Undecided Whale. It could be argued that the NBA fixates more on China than on America, even if the vast majority of TV money comes from U.S. viewership. The league figures it has more or less hit its ceiling in its home country, so China becomes an obsession as this massive, theoretical growth engine.

…

Here’s the main issue for Nike in this endeavor: The company, as a raison d’être, promotes athletic excellence. While women are among Nike’s major sports stars, the core of high-level performance, in the overwhelming majority of sports, is male. Every sane person knows that, though nobody in professional class life seems rude enough to say so. Obviously, there’s the observable reality of who tends to set records and there’s also the pervasive understanding that testosterone, the main male sex hormone, happens to give unfair advantages to the athletes who inject it.

Speaking of which, there’s a famous This American Life episode from 2002 where the public radio journos actually test their own testosterone levels. The big joke of the episode is just how comically low their T levels are. Sure, you would stereotype bookish public radio men in this way, and yet the results are on the nose enough to shock.

As a nerdy media-weakling type, I can relate to the stunning realization that you’ve been largely living apart from T. Before working in the NBA setting, I was an intern in the cubicles of Salon.com’s San Francisco office, around the time it was shifting from respectable online magazine into inane outrage content mill. Going from that setting to the NBA locker room was some jarring whiplash, like leaving the faculty lounge for a pirate ship. To quote Charles Barkley on the latter culture, “The locker room is sexist, racist, and homophobic … and it’s fun and I miss it.”

…

The “Good vs. Evil” ad boasts a “Like” to “Dislike” ratio of 20-to-1 on YouTube. On June 17th of 2021, Nike put out an ad ahead of the Euro Cup that referenced “Good vs. Evil” as briefly as it could. In this case, a little child popped his collar and used Cantona’s catchphrase. As of this writing, the new ad has earned a thousand more punches of the Dislike than of the Like button.

When you see it, it’s no surprise that the latest Euro Cup ad is disliked. I mean, you have to look at this shit. I know we’re so numb to the ever-escalating emanations of radical chic from our largest corporations, but sometimes it’s worth pausing just to take stock and gawk.

…

But today we are in the land of new football, where we take dictatorial direction from less-than-athletic minors. After her announcement, we are treated to a montage of different people who offer tolerance bromides.

“There are no borders here!”

“Here, you can be whoever you want. Be with whoever you want.”

(Two men kiss following that line, because subtlety isn’t part of this new world order.)

Then, a woman who appears to be breastfeeding under a soccer shirt, threatens, in French, “And if you disagree …”

And this is when the little boy gives us Cantona’s “au revoir” line before kicking a ball out of a soccer stadium, presumably because that’s what happens to the ignorant soccer hooligan. He gets kicked out for raging against gay men kissing or French ladies breastfeeding or somesuch. Later, a referee wearing a hijab instructs us, “Leave the hate,” before narrator girl explains, “You might as well join us because no one can stop us.”

Is that last line supposed to be … inspiring? That’s what a movie villain says, like if Bane took the form of Stan Marsh’s sister. Speaking of which, was this ad actually written by the creators of South Park as an elaborate prank? It’s certainly more convincing as an aggressive parody of liberals than as a sales pitch. Why, in anything other than a comedic setup, is a woman breastfeeding in a big-budget Euro Cup ad?

It’s tempting to fall into the pro-vanguardism template the boomers have handed down to us and sheepishly say, “I must be getting old, because this seems weird to me,” but let’s get real. You dislike this ad because it sucks. You are having a natural, human response to shitty art. This a hollow sermon from a priest whose sins were in the papers. Nobody is impressed by what Nike’s doing here. Nobody thinks Nike, a multinational famous for its sweatshops, is ushering us into an enlightened utopia. Sure, most media types are afraid to criticize the ad publicly. You might inspire suspicion that what you’re secretly against is men kissing and women breastfeeding, but nobody actually likes the stupid ad. No college kid would show it to a new friend he’s trying to impress, and it’s hard to envision a massive cohort of Gen Z women giving a shit about this ad either.

Now juxtapose that ad not just against the classics of the 1990s but also the 2000s products that preceded the Great Awokening. Compare it to another Nike Euro Cup advertisement, Guy Ritchie’s “Take It to the Next Level.”

…

Here’s the problem, insofar as problems are pretended into existence by our media class: The ad is very, very male. Really, what we are watching here is a boyhood fantasy. Our protagonist gets called up to the big show, and next thing you know he’s cavorting with multiple ladies, and autographing titties to the chagrin of his date. He can be seen buying a luxury sports car and arriving at his childhood home in it as his father beams with pride. Training sessions show him either puking from exhaustion or playing grab-ass with his fellow soccer bros. This is jock life, distilled. Art works when it’s true and it’s true that this is a vivid depiction of a common fantasy realized.

Nike’s highly successful “Write the Future” ad (16,000 Likes, 257 Dislikes) works along similar themes.

…

The recent Olympic ads were especially heavy on cringe radical chic, and might have stood out less in this respect if the athletes themselves mirrored that tone on the big stage. Not so much in these Olympics. It seems as though Nike made the commercials in preparation for an explosion of telegenic activism, only to see American athletes mostly, quietly accept their medals, chomp down on the gold, and praise God or country. Perhaps you could consider Simone Biles bowing out of events due to mental health as a form of activism, but overall, the athletes basically behaved in the manner they would have back in 1996.

But Nike forged onwards anyway. This ad in celebration of the U.S. women’s basketball team made some waves, getting ripped in conservative media as the latest offense by woke capital.

…

“Today I have a presentation on dynasties,” a pink-haired teenage girl tells us. “But I refuse to talk about the ancient history and drama. That’s just the patriarchy. Instead, I’m going to talk about a dynasty that I actually look up to. An all-women dynasty. Women of color. Gay women. Women who fight for social justice. Women with a jump shot. A dynasty that makes your favorite men’s basketball, football, and baseball teams look like amateurs.”

When she says, “That’s just the patriarchy,” the camera pans to a bust of (I think) Julius Caesar. At another point, the girl says, “A dynasty that makes Alexander the Great look like Alexander the Okay.” Fuck you, Classical Antiquity. Fuck you, fans of teams. You’re all just the patriarchy. Or something.

Nike could easily sell the successful American women’s basketball team without denigrating other teams, genders and ancient Mediterranean empires that have nothing to do with this. Could but won’t. The company now conveys an almost visceral need for women to triumph over men because … well, nobody really explains why, even if it has something to do with Undecided Whaling. In Nike’s tentpole Olympics ad titled “Best Day Ever,” the narrator fantasizes about the future, declaring, “The WNBA will surpass the NBA in popularity!”

…

There are theories on the emergence of woke capital, with many having observed that, following Occupy Wall Street, media institutions ramped up on census category grievance. The thinking goes that, in response to the threat of a real economic revolution, the power players in our society pushed identity politics to undermine group solidarity. Well, that was a fiendishly brilliant plan, if anyone actually hatched it.

I’m not so convinced, though, as I’m more inclined to believe that a lot of history happens by happenstance. If we’re to specifically analyze the Nike Awokening, there is a recent top-down element of a mandate for Undecided Whaling, but that mandate was preceded by a socially conscious middle class campaign within the company.

This isn’t unique to Nike, either. Given my past life covering the team that tech moguls root for, I’ve run into such people. They aren’t, by and large, ideological. Very few are messianically devoted to seeing the world through the intersectionality lens. They are, however, terrified of their employees who feel this way. The mid-tier labor force, this cohort who actually internalized their university teachings, are full of fervor and willing to risk burned bridges in favor of causes they deem righteous. The big bosses just don’t want a headline-making walkout on their hands, so they placate and mollify, eventually bending the company’s voice into language of righteousness.

…

All the guilt and atonement transference make for bad art. And so the ads suck. There’s no Machiavellian conspiracy behind the production. It’s just a combination of desperately wanting female market share and desperately wanting to move on from the publicized sins of a masculine past. So, to message its ambitions, the exhausted corporation leans on the employees with the loudest answers.

There’s a lot of interplay between Nike and Wieden+Kennedy when the former asks the latter for a type of ad, but the through line from both sides is a lot of cooks in the kitchen. Based on conversations with people who’ve worked in both environments, there’s a dearth of personnel who are deeply connected to sports. In place of a grounding in a subculture, you’re getting ideas from folks who went to nice colleges and trendy ad schools, the type of people who throw words like “patriarchy” at the screen to celebrate a gold medal victory. The older leaders, uneasy in their station and thus obsessed with looking cutting edge, lean on the younger types because the youth are confident. Unfortunately, that confidence is rooted in an ability to regurgitate liturgy, rather than generative genius. They’ve a mandate to replace a marred past, which they leap at, but they’re incapable of inventing a better future.

…

Ironically, Nike mattered a lot more in the days when its position was less dominant. Back when it had to really fight for market share, it made bold, genre-altering art. The ads were synonymous with masculine victory, plus they were cheekily irreverent. And so the dudes loved them. Today, Nike is something else. It LARPs as a grandiose feminist nonprofit as it floats aimlessly on the vessel Michael Jordan built long ago. Like Jordan himself, Nike is rich forever off what it can replicate never. Unlike Jordan, it now wishes to be known for anything but its triumphs. Nike once told a story and that story resonated with its audience. Now it’s decided that its audience is the problem. It wouldn’t shock you to learn that Carlos hated the new Nike ads I texted to him. His exact words were, “I don’t want fucking activism from a sweatshop monopoly.” He’ll still buy the gear, though, just not the narrative. Nike remains, but the story about itself has run out. Au revoir.

#ethan strauss #nike #sports #substack

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thecreaturecodex · 4 years ago

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Daemon, Barodaemon

[As mentioned previously, I wanted to make my own death-by-pressure daemon with abilities related to pressure. I very much like the looks of the Swords and Wizardry demons, but most of them are mechanically very samey. They all have the same spell-like abilities (fear, telekinesis, teleport, see invisibility, darkness), with one or two original tricks per creature. The coral demon is actually one of the more unique demons in the book--it has stench (which I swapped out for the pressure aura) and a dispelling ink (which I kept)]

Daemon, Barodaemon CR 16 NE Outsider (extraplanar) This hulking creature is covered in a layer of coral. It has an octopus-like head, with four tentacles growing below an array of multiple eyes. Its four arms hang low and each end in a lobster-like pincer, and its legs are heavy columns that support its great bulk.

A barodaemon represents death by pressure and crushing. The deepest oceans, the bottoms of chasms, and collapsed buildings and caves are their preferred haunts, although they are usually found underwater. There, they preside over courts of echinodaemons, which follow in their wake like pilotfish, or even cling to their bodies to catch a ride to prey. A barodaemon is implacable, and when in pursuit of prey do not give up until they or their victims are slain.

Barodaemons are slow and steady, trusting to their coral-encrusted bodies to protect them and their pressure auras to whittle away foes. If enemies keep their distance, the barodaemon drags them close with telekinesis, then tears them apart with claws and tentacles. Like the cephalopods they superficially resemble, a barodaemon can spray ink, but this ink strips away magical protections—dangerous indeed if the barodaemon is being fought underwater in the lightless depths.

A barodaemon stands around 18 feet tall and weighs upwards of 10 tons. For unknown reasons, they always have an odd number of eyes; three, five and seven are the most common values.

Barodaemon CR 16 XP 76,800 NE Huge outsider (aquatic, daemon, evil, extraplanar) Init +4; Senses darkvision 60 ft., Perception +21, see invisibility, tremorsense 30 ft. Aura pressure (30 ft., Fort DC 25), unholy (Fort DC 23) Defense AC 30, touch 12, flat-footed 30 (-2 size, +18 natural, +4 deflection) hp 237 (19d10+133) Fort +16, Ref +15, Will +19 DR 15/good; Immune acid, death effects, disease, poison, pressure; Resist cold 10, electricity 10, fire 10; SR 27 Defensive Abilities stability Offense Speed 30 ft. Melee 4 claws +24 (2d6+7/19-20 plus grab), 4 tentacles +22 (1d6+3 plus grab) Space 15 ft.; Reach 15 ft. Special Attacks constrict (tentacles, 2d6+10), constricting tentacles, dispelling ink Spell-like Abilities CL 16th, concentration +21 (+25 casting defensively) Constant—see invisibility, unholy aura (self only, DC 23) At will—greater teleport (self plus 50 lbs. objects only), slow (DC 18), telekinesis (DC 20), unholy blight (DC 19) 3/day—cone of cold (DC 20), enemy hammer (DC 21), suffocation (DC 20) 1/day—clashing rocks (DC 24), earthquake Statistics Str 26, Dex 11, Con 23, Int 12, Wis 18, Cha 21 Base Atk +19; CMB +29 (+33 grapple); CMD 43 (47 vs. bull rush, overrun) Feats Cleave, Critical Focus, Exhausting Critical, Fatiguing Critical, Great Cleave, Improved Critical (claw), Improved Initiative, Multiattack, Power Attack, Toughness Skills Climb +25, Intimidate +23, Knowledge (arcana)+18, Knowledge (nature, planes) +18, Perception +21, Sense Motive +21, Spellcraft +18, Swim +25 Languages Abyssal, Aquan, Draconic, Infernal, telepathy 100 ft. SQ amphibious. bottom walker Ecology Environment any land or aquatic (Abaddon) Organization solitary Treasure standard Special Abilities Bottom Walker (Ex) A barodaemon is immune to damage from pressure in deep water, and can move at its land speed underwater without penalty by walking on the bottom. Constricting Tentacles (Ex) A barodaemon can transfer a grabbed opponent from its claws to its tentacles as a move action. As long as it has an opponent smaller than it grabbed in its tentacles, the barodaemon does not gain the grappled condition and can maintain the grab as a swift action. Dispelling Ink (Su) As a standard action, a barodaemon can spray ink in a 60 foot line. Any creature caught in the area is subject to a greater dispel magic effect (CL 16th). Underwater, the ink spreads into a 20 foot radius instead, and blocks grants concealment to all creatures in it. The ink evaporates immediately on exposure to the air, but underwater it lingers for 1d4 rounds, and continues to function as a greater dispel magic effect on any creature that passes through the cloud. A barodaemon can use this ability three times per day, but it must wait 1d4 rounds between uses. Pressure Aura (Su) All corporeal creatures within 30 feet of a barodaemon take 5d6 points of magical bludgeoning damage each round, and all of their speeds are halved. A successful DC 25 Fortitude save each round halves the damage and negates the reduction of speed. A freedom of movement spell protects a creature from this ability. The save is Constitution based. Stability (Ex) A barodaemon gains a +4 to its CMD against overrun and bull rush attempts as long as it is touching the ground.

#barodaemon #daemon #tentacles #pathfinder 1e #swords and wizardry

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paperanddice · 2 years ago

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These dreams of the forest are relatively benign in comparison to many other manifested creatures. While they are less aggressive and hostile upon sight, they still have dream logic dictating their decisions. They seek to protect the rainforest in which they live, but what's seen as a threat can be unpredictable to other creatures that don't have a deep insight into each particular shaman's pattern and routine. Some trees are acceptable to cut down, while others aren't. Some animals can be hunted, but not others. The specifics build up over time, and to most people living near one of these shaman is far more trouble than its worth. Those few who can make it work however have a great ally at their side, with the shaman employing its innate magic to support them.

Outside of Dreamblade, the rainforest shaman is probably some kind of humanoid, though be very careful utilizing it in that role in your game. This sort of being is very easily used in a stereotypical and offensive manner. Originally from the Dreamblade base set. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I’m working on, consider backing me there!

5th Edition

Rainforest Shaman Medium aberration, unaligned Armor Class 14 (natural armor) Hit Points 58 (9d8 + 18) Speed 30 ft., climb 20 ft. Str 14 (+2) Dex 12 (+1) Con 14 (+2) Int 15 (+2) Wis 18 (+4) Cha 14 (+2) Skills Animal Handling +6, Athletics +4, Nature +4, Perception +6 Senses passive Perception 16 Languages any two languages Challenge 3 (700 XP) Actions Multiattack. The rainforest shaman makes two attacks. Club. Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit (+6 to hit with shellelagh), reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 4 (1d4+2) bludgeoning damage, or 8 (1d8+4) bludgeoning damage with shillelagh. Dart. Ranged Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, range 20/60 ft., one target. Hit: 3 (1d4+1) piercing damage. Spellcasting. The rainforest shaman casts one of the following spells, requiring no material components and using Wisdom as the spellcasting modifier (spells ave DC 14): At will: animal friendship, animal messenger, druidcraft, entangle, jump, pass without trace, shellelagh 1/day each: haste, plant growth, thunderwave

13th Age

Rainforest Shaman 3rd level leader [aberration] Initiative: +6 Magical Club +8 vs. AC - 8 damage. Natural 16+: One nearby ally gains a +1 bonus to attack rolls until the end of its next turn. R: Poisoned Dart +8 vs. AC (one nearby enemy) - 4 damage plus 4 poison damage. C: Grasping Vines +8 vs. PD (1d3 nearby enemies in a group) - 4 damage. Natural Even Hit: The target is also stuck (save ends). Natural Odd Hit: The target is also hampered (save ends). Limited Use: 1/battle. Energize: 1/battle, as a standard action, the rainforest shaman can allow one nearby ally to recharge one limited use attack or ability, or to regain 2d8 hit points. AC 18 PD 14 MD 16 HP 42

#D&D #dnd #dungeons and dragons #5th edition #13th age #homebrew #my homebrew #monster #aberration #dreamblade #dnd cr 3 #13th age level 3 #long post

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veganidiotsblog · 4 years ago

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a comprehensive list of gay shit i’ve said (who tf am i?)

1. if i had sex with a man i wouldn’t want to look at him

2. I FIND MEN VERY ATTRACTIVE, sexy even.. but it kinda stops there

3. i either only view men sexually or romantically it’s very rare that it’s both

4. i’ve never been bothered by men they just kind of exist

5. i don’t feel the need to seek men out, they are like fritos they’re cool but i would never buy them from the store

6. i like men in a gay way, as if i’m a gay man

7.i like very soft feminine men and often like men for their personalities

8. when i get high i feel like i don’t like men

9. i don’t like dick, whenever i see them i look away

9.5 dicks are just objects that i put up with

10. to me sex is not all that desirable and tbh i don’t like anyone

11. i don’t want most men to find me attractive

12. i find most men to be annoying

13. throughout my life i’ve i can’t tell whether i’ve had many crushes of many boys or just a handful

14. i question if i’m interested in men but not women

15.whenever i think about dating men i ask myself “what does dating mean”

16. i used to think lesbians had no purpose in life since they could not have kids/marry men (internalized homophobia)

17. i’ve had a full sexual fantasy about a man maybe twice in my life

18. i don’t want to be a lesbian

19. i don’t want to be bisexual

19.5 i want to be a lesbian but it sounds weird

20. i like men who are foreign or “different” in some kind of way

21. my standards in men are very high

22. my standards in women do not exist

23. i feel like i’m in-between identities

24. i dress and act like a lesbian

25. dating a man and introducing him as my boyfriend feels odd to me

26. i don’t understand m/f relationships

27. i don’t understand why a woman would want to suck dick

28. i seek out men's protective mature and think i could use them

29. i like to flirt and tease men but i wouldn’t actually go past that

30. i would fuck a man if i was horny but i don’t know if i would otherwise

31. i’ve never kissed a boy and i don’t feel like i need to

32. if i did fuck a man it would be in a dominant way

33. i feel like dating men would be a hinderance or waste of time

34. i have read the lesbian masterdoc multiple times

35. i’ve considered myself to be asexual/ demisexual but that usually refers to my attraction to men

36. whenever i like a man it like “ugh how dare you make me like you”

36. i’ve related to the trans man to lesbian thing and have been asked if i was one

37. i don’t know how to differentiate me liking soft men like a bisexual woman vs thinking i like soft men like a lesbian

38. i have questioned whether or not i like men on multiple occations

39. my mother thought i was a lesbian and was surprised when i told her i like men

40. i think all men are atleast a little annoying

41. whenever i watch porn i only watch lesbian or gay porn

42. i don’t feel disgusted men i just feel pretty null

43. i have an odd relationship with gender

44. i used to think i had to be a boy to like women

45. only liking women makes me feel trapped

46. I label myself as a bisexual with preference for women

47. 47.

48. childbirth/ pregnancy and motherhood all scare me

49. at one point my type in men was just boys with dark hair

50. I would only want to date men that make me feel safe

51. this is just the lesbian masterdoc at this point lol i stole their whole flow

52. I refer to myself as “almost a lesbian” i like women, don’t like dick, has a very specific taste in men but i don’t feel like dating a man would be impossible.

53. I don’t know if the phrase “ I don’t like men is accurate or not”

55. I feel like god built 75% of a gay person but got too lazy and stopped there

56. dating men feels unattainable

57. i get annoyed when men hit on me or find me attractive

58. i find femininity attractive in men and masculinity attractive in women.

59. if i date or like a man i feel like he would also have to queer

60. my attraction to men is very emotional

61. i am somehow both attracted and unattracted to men.

62. i view men as a concept

63. are men cactuses

64. i feel like i have to have some emotional evaluation on why i don’t think i like men

65. my relationship with lesbianism is similar to being nonbinary, i am but i’m not but i really am but it makes no sense

66. i have googled “ how to know if you are sexually attracted to men”

67. i have regared myself as being “ homosexual/ biromantic”

68. i’ve gone from 10% gay to “a little gay sometimes” to pan to bi to bi with a preference for women to bi romantic homosexual.

reasons why I’m not gay

men are fine

men have nice personalities

marriage with a cute dude sounds fun

I do not feel repulsed by men

I’ve had cruses on real men ( not fictional!)

I can see myself not liking everyone regardless of gender

I go through phases where I find every man to be hot

i know what's hot in men and i’m attracted to that

tl:dr

i AM attracted to men at face value but i’m having trouble getting past that state which i find to odd.

but tbh i won’t truly know if i like men or not till i date one, i think

sexuality is confusing if there was a sexuality for women who “ like men but not really but really like women but would most likely end up marrying a man” that would be me.

There is, it’s called lesbianism

i don’t want to say I hate being bi but it’s definitely a very confusing a frustrating sexuality to have. I feel like I’m floating about between absolutes and a i wish i could just be gay and not just “mostly gay and fluid?...”

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theofficefantasyfootball · 2 months ago

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WEEK 10 - Wrap Up

FORE!

Well, actually Four! That is how many weeks in the regular season are left. I feel like a broken record guys. Get your shit together or you will be left out of the playoffs. And yes, I am talking to myself as well. Here we go with the wrap up!

WHAM BAM THANK YOU LAMB vs LANAKILA

Am I happy I won? Yes. Of course but my record still sucks and I really just want points and I didn't score that many points this week. I got lucky that Cliff had a bad week and I caught him at the right time. In fact out of his whole roster he only had 2 TDs...which is kind of crazy. Cliff, thanks for a wonderful week and the win!

TREE HUGGERS vs TuPADRE

Anytime a team from the Even division is playing someone from the Odd division I want the Odd Division to win. And Scott is Odd, but he did not beat Gullahorn this week. In fact he didn't even try really. He put up 54 points total...and left 30 on his bench by not playing Kyler Murray and another 13 by sitting Sutton. That's 43 right there - from 2 players. Gully was at around 60 going into MNF but does have Kyren Williams left so his points are about to get a bit better. Nice win Gully...you just keep hanging around!

TRADE WITH ME vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

Bebo WON! Bebo beat Brett. Bebo has won 2 now. That's all i can say!

BOOMER SOONER vs MOOSES ON THE LOOSES

Mitch...the all alone in first place in the Even Division guy...just lost to Stu Jones. Yup. The Moose could only put up 88 points. How? Well his kicker out scored his QB and when that happens - a loss also happens. Stu, needed the win and he owes it all to the Eagles Defense (28 points) and Brock Purdy (27.82). Great win Stu. Mitch are you giving the rest us a chance at #1? I wouldn't lose next week against Cliff or you could lose your top spot!

MR AWESOME vs FUNK GUY

Someone is high. High point that is. Dana Cappillino is that high guy. We all knew he was going to win it on Thursday night when he put up 40 from Lamar and 54 from Chase...yes almost 100 points from two players. Gabe knew it was an impossible climb to catch him so he went ahead and had his QB throw up 5 INTS when it didn't matter. Brilliant! What a week. Congrats to Dana! ($20)

THE HUNT FOR BROCKTOBER vs HOWARD

How dare you Kyle! How dare you even challenge the champion. Champ Howard is down 10 going into MNF with one of the greatest WR's ever still to play (Tyreek) against Puka Nacua. Will Puka do enought...will Tyreek go off? Oh, wait - I am such an idiot...Kyle also played Tua so when Tyreek scores so does Tua...hence Kyle wins. Even with a horrible QB Kyle finds a way to win. With this win and Cliff losing to me Kyle takes 1st in the Odd Division.

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

Classic Cowboys Cheerleader courtesy of the swimsuit calendar shoot.

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chrysocomae · 4 years ago

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Please share this essay from a healthcare worker from r/CoronavirusUS

What to expect when you get critically ill from COVID-19. A healthcare worker’s perspective.

"I am a healthcare worker who has volunteered to be a part of the COVID ICU “proning team” at the hospital where I work. I am writing this because my colleagues and I had a long discussion today about how disconnected the public is when it comes to the harsh reality of this virus and what it does to people. I will describe in as much detail as possible what you should expect to “experience” when you get critically ill from COVID-19.

By the time I meet you in the hospital, you’re already intubated in the ICU. This means that you likely started feeling terrible enough to get yourself to a hospital and then got admitted into said hospital. Your condition worsened to the point that the medical team determined that your best chance of survival would be to place you in a medically-induced coma and hook you up to a ventilator that literally breathes for you. The process that leads up to this point is traumatic, terrifying, and lonely. You are allowed zero visitors and your only interactions are with strangers that come into your room unannounced, wearing what look to you like hazmat suits. The hospital you’re staying in isn’t equipped with enough “negative-pressure” rooms to contain the virus and keep it from spreading to the hallway so there will be a giant window unit that pumps all the air from your room out the window vs allowing it back into the hospital. This window unit is LOUD (similar to a generator) and it will drive you absolutely insane because it MUST be running 24/7. So, you’re just going to have to accept that. As terrible as all this external hell feels, it’s nothing compared to what’s going on internally. Your body is deteriorating. Every breath is a gasp. Turning over to face the door when you hear a knock is impossible because you are literally THAT exhausted. Your oxygen levels continue to drop, even though you are being pumped MASSIVE amounts of pure oxygen through your nose (which is now bleeding constantly because it is completely dried out). The oxygen levels drop so low that the only course of action is to make you comatose, give you a paralyzing agent so you don’t thrash, and place you on a ventilator. Ok, so NOW let’s get to the bad part.

You’re laying on a bed, on your back. Unconscious, naked, Foley catheter in your urethra, and maybe (if your nurse is lucky) a FlexiSeal in your anus to collect all your diarrhea (look it up if you have questions). A ventilator is placed down your throat, somewhere between 20-28centimeters down. It will probably move around if it’s not tethered, which is a no-no, so it will be taped to your head/face. We’ll come back to this later, because that tape will eventually mess up your face, maybe permanently. A feeding tube goes down your nose because comatose people can’t eat, obviously. So your diet is now a nutrient-packed yellow mushy soup. Yum! Ok this is the basic setup.

Even with all this medically-engineered hoopla, you continue to deteriorate. The ventilator is running 100% oxygen down your throat, into your lungs but still not enough is getting into your blood. This is where organ failure starts to happen. Kidney failure, brain damage, etc. And this is where me and my “proning team” show up at your door.

Prone = laying on your stomach.

Supine = laying on your back.

Proning = turning you from your stomach onto your back.

Why do we do this? Well, to simplify it, the back of your lungs are bigger and better at oxygenating your blood. But when you’re laying on your back, all the fluid (LOTS of fluid) in your lungs accumulates and fills the back of your lungs - thus drowning them and making them much less effective. Flipping you onto your stomach causes that fluid to move to the front of your lungs (because gravity), freeing up the back of your lungs to do their better job. Honestly, it’s pretty amazing to see how quickly you will go from 79% oxygen (SpO2) to 93% as soon as we turn you onto your stomach. It’s very satisfying for us. Makes us feel proud. We’ll pat you on the back, literally, and give you kudos for this oxygen accomplishment.

We will plan to leave you in this prone position for somewhere between 12 to 18 hours. Your head is turned to the side, otherwise the ventilator tube would be rammed through the back of your mouth. Don’t worry, we will position this for you, you’re paralyzed, remember?

Once those 12 - 18 hours are up, the prone team comes back in to flip you back over to supine. This is where things can get ugly. Being paralyzed and on your stomach leads to A LOT of swelling/edema. Especially in your face. Your tongue has swelled up to ~5x it’s normal size and it doesn’t fit in your mouth anymore. Lips swell x5 times, too. Your eyelids have been taped shut but they’re swollen too. It looks like you have golf balls under your eyelids. Now, remember that tape that holds the ventilator tube in place? Well, it’s still holding tight. And with all the face/mouth swelling, I should emphasize the word TIGHT. You’ll be in this condition for a while. Maybe a week, maybe two, maybe three. That tape will get replaced daily but it will do some damage to your skin, especially your lips and ears. And since your blood isn’t getting proper oxygen, your body isn’t great at healing wounds. So, expect your face to look a little different for a LONG time, if you make it out alive. I now can say that I have seen a living person’s cheekbones. Not the form of the cheekbones, but the ACTUAL bones, because their wounds on their cheeks got so bad that the flesh necrotized and sloughed off during the friction involved with a head turn.

Where were we? Oh yes, we just flipped you back to supine. The 5 of us will be doing some routine care on you: wiping you down with Chlorhexidine Gluconate (CHG) wipes, putting Venelex cream and Mepilex patches your bed sores (think bony prominences - knees, clavicles, sternum, shoulders, nipples, shins, cheeks, etc.), using a suction device to suck up all the secretions from your mouth and nose, cleaning up your diarrhea from EVERYWHERE and changing that pesky face tape. Don’t worry, we’ll be gentle.

Now, it’s been maybe 10-15 minutes on your back. We stand back and assess how you’re doing. If you’re a champ, your oxygen levels stay in the low/mid 90s and we can leave you like this for 1 to 8 hours before you start deteriorating again, at which point it’s back onto your stomach.

The idea is that each time we put you back in supine, you’ll be able to maintain longer and longer periods of time before your oxygen drops to the 80s or 70s (or 60s, 50s, 40s, you get it).

The longer you’re in this ICU situation, the worse it gets. Eventually, we have to start doing all the routine care from the side-lying position, because putting you on your back could literally kill you. The supine position becomes intolerable - your blood pressure starts to plummet, your heart skips beats or shoots up to the 200s (or just stops) and your oxygen level drops immediately. So, unfortunately, you go back onto your stomach. More swelling, yay! Repeat this process daily and hope for better results each time. The more often we have to repeat, the less likely you are to survive, because it’s an indicator of how poorly your lungs are recovering.

Now, this is the point where someone might ask, “why are you keeping this person alive? Isn’t it inhumane to prolong this person’s suffering? What quality of life will they have when/if they survive?” Unfortunately, that’s not our choice. Even more unfortunately, it’s likely not even YOUR choice. Who’s choice is it? Your Medical Power of Attorney (MPOA), which 9 times out of 10, is a family member. Now, remember, there are zero visitors allowed for COVID-19 patients. That means that your family is getting ALL the information about your condition from a phone call or texts messages from someone on the healthcare team. Your family can’t see you and they can’t talk to you. Thus, they simply cannot appreciate just how much you are suffering. How could they? It’s not their fault. They love you. They’re praying for you. They’re wondering if they are making the right choice but they are doing so without all the information, because a phone call from a doctor or case manager can only go so far.

Above all, they are holding on to hope. Hope that you’ll come back from this. That you’ll be that patient in that next news video that gets the standing ovation as they’re wheeled out of the hospital because YOU MADE IT. And I hope you do, too. We all do. We care about you. If you make it out of that ICU, you’ve got months of rehab ahead of you. Your fight for life has JUST started. The success story is that, against all odds, you didn’t die.

Or, maybe you did. As I write this, 170,000 people have died from COVID-19 in the US alone. Each one of those people had a story, a life, a family, dreams, goals and a future. So many of them suffered tremendously through their last days, with strangers. Now they’re gone, forever. And that ICU bed is ready for the next one. I hope it’s not you. I hope it’s not your mom, dad, grandpa, aunt, sister, child or neighbor. But if it is, you can count on me and my coworkers to be gentle with you and treat you with dignity and respect. We will do everything in our power to get you home. This virus doesn’t care about your political affiliations, your plans, your freedoms. It doesn’t care about you at all. So we will.

Now, if I may.....please wear your damn mask.

Edit: The title says “when you get critically ill.” Emphasis on the “critically ill.” This is NOT what the average person should expect when they test positive. Most people DONT get critically ill. The VAST majority of people will never even see a regular hospital room, much less the ICU - I tested positive and I recovered at home with no medical intervention. Most will have mild symptoms and then recover. That being said, this post reflects a real possibility and a current reality for many people. I want people to understand the harsh reality of COVID-19. It affects everyone differently and taking small, practical precautions can keep you from ever having to wonder “is this going to happen to me?” or “did I get grandma sick because I didn’t take this seriously?” I apologize that this came off as fear mongering. The post reflects my experience as a healthcare worker and I feel that the public hasn’t had enough of that experience other than “we are overworked and tired.”

#covid 19 #covid19 #coronavirus usa #coronavirus #coronapocalypse #2020 election #election 2020 #usa #us politics #trump #fuck trump #pandemic #wear a mask #wear a fucking mask people #masks4all

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