#2 sharks in a row!! epic

[sumplysilly]

ICON for @vinnybox :)

Doing icons like this for $50 for the month of March! Message me at scribblezstar@gmail.com if inchrested!

[stereax]

NHL 23-24 Bingo Squares

NHL 23-24 Bingo Connor Bedard labeled bust (especially unreasonably early) Refs make clearly wrong call, it stands Leafs lose 5+ in a row, Toronto media goes nuts GM or Head Coach fired before February First seed in the division knocked out in first playoff round AHL callup earns roster spot Arber Xhekaj breaks 150 PIMs Sabres have a 5+ win streak AND a 5+ lose streak Panthers good, not news to Panthers fans Canucks Canuck it again, involved in another scandal or awful trade Connor McDavid AND Leon Draisaitl both get 100+ point seasons Kyle Dubas Revenge Tour: Pens beat the shit out of the Leafs in at least one game Star player sidelined with season-ending injury by Christmas Someone enters the NHLPA's player assistance program Fans throw trash on the ice (rats, flamingoes, etc don't count) A goalie gets 2+ shutouts in a row Flyers and Sharks have a mid-off Someone gets a dick trick (4 goals in a game) Any team has a 10+ win streak Any team has a 10+ lose streak Player scores a hat trick against their former team Shootout goes to 5+ Someone gets put on waivers, gets claimed, and goes on a tear with new team Canes losing their AHL and ECHL affiliates bites them in the ass Avs' woes constantly blamed on Gabe Landeskog's LTIR (and not anything like Miles Wood's 6x2.5) Stars amass 10+ OTLs A team gets absolutely carried by their goalie Bedard and Hall combine for 50+ goals 3+ fights in one game Oilers hat trick but it's NOT Connor McDavid or Leon Draisaitl Oilers win by 3+ goals and lose the next game by 3+ goals (or vice versa) Someone has a 60-goal season By January, at least four teams are widely identified as Slackin for Macklin Adam Fantilli or Leo Carlsson has a better season than Connor Bedard Wes McCauley does something we can't shut up about Bruins don't collapse entirely and make at least 3rd in the Atlantic Auston Matthews gets another wrist injury Jordan Binnington throws a hissy fit on the ice and gets penalized for it Jack Hughes breaks 100 points Alex Ovechkin reaches 860 goals Connor Hellebuyck gets traded at the deadline A team gets 1000+ PIMs total 14+ goals are scored in a single game 2+ shorthanded goals are scored in a single game Something weird happens in a Canes-Devils game Trevor Zegras scores another Michigan A team uses at least five goalies during the season Jets get stuck in limbo, miss the playoffs, and finally commit to rebuilding Wild lose in the first round, again Kirill Kaprizov pots 50+ goals Coyotes announce new rink plans Rangers once again refuse to give the kids top line minutes Bo Horvat does not live up to his contract Pierre-Luc Dubois trade bites the Kings in the ass Linus Ullmark and Jeremy Swayman retain status as best tandem in the league Marc-Andre Fleury becomes second winningest goalie of all time One player picks up 20+ PIMs in a single game 60+ PIMs total are distributed in a single game Matthew Tkachuk has another 100+ point AND 100+ PIM season Major 1-for-1 trade Someone chooses a really funny goal song Video review takes 5+ minutes East remains a bloodbath, West not so much At least one of Travis Konecny or Carter Hart leaves Philadelphia Tony DeAngelo rides the bench for 30+ games Gaudreau and Fantilli combine for 50+ goals Rangers and Isles Stadium Series devolves into a goalie duel Lightning finish below 100 points Roman Josi gets 60+ points A captain (excluding Brady Tkachuk) acts out in a major way Filip Zadina becomes one of the top three players on the Sharks points-wise Jack Eichel scores against the Sabres and pisses people off with the celly Yegor Sharangovich has a breakout season on the Flames Someone embarrasses themselves royally at the All-Star Game Brady Tkachuk takes three separate penalties in one game A team ends the season with a goal differential above +100 A team ends the season with a goal differential below -100 Alex DeBrincat goes point-per-game

Epic women's hockey moment at the All-Star Game Brad Marchand Funny Moment A team blows a 3+ goal lead and loses A new team captain is announced Goalie goal Goalie fight Erik Karlsson gets 90+ points Double shutout game Penguins make the playoffs and lose in the first round Tanner Jeannot proves his trade was worth it 3+ overtimes in a single playoff game Jacob Trouba delivers another People's Elbow Elias Pettersson breaks 110 points Matt Martin gets 250+ hits Clayton Keller has another great season but is overlooked because he's on the Coyotes Jonathan Huberdeau returns to form Golden Knights or Panthers return to the Stanley Cup Finals Wales Trophy is touched Campbell Bowl is touched A player is universally snubbed from the All-Star Game Adrian Kempe pots 40+ goals A player delivers the world's dirtiest hit and doesn't get suspended for it Steve Dangle flips out in an LFR [FREE SPACE]

[katherinemathew]

12 Things to do in Bora Bora

Your enchanting Tahitian holiday is on the horizon, with bags packed and excitement building for the unforgettable experiences awaiting on the mesmerising island of Bora Bora. As you anticipate days of relaxation and exploration, it’s essential to consider the wealth of activities available in this Pacific paradise. To help you maximise your holiday, we’ve carefully curated a list of 12 must-try experiences, ensuring your Bora Bora holiday packages is filled with both adventure and tranquillity.

These handpicked activities cater to all preferences, whether you’re embarking on a romantic Bora Bora honeymoon or seeking a vibrant holiday experience. From the thrilling to the serene, each activity is designed to enrich your stay, showcasing the island’s unique beauty and cultural richness. Engage in exhilarating water sports, uncover hidden gems on scenic hikes, or immerse yourself in the local Polynesian culture. Our Bora Bora holiday options are versatile, offering something special for every traveller.

For those enticed by exclusive Bora Bora honeymoon deals, our list includes romantic escapades that promise to make your honeymoon as magical as your love story. Picture intimate dinners on private beaches, sunset cruises along the lagoon, and couples’ spa treatments overlooking the ocean. These experiences not only heighten the romance but also create memories that last a lifetime.

As experts in crafting Tahiti holidays, we understand the allure of Bora Bora. Our mission is to ensure your holiday is not just a journey but an epic tale of discovery, relaxation, and joy. Dive into our list of 12 things to do in Bora Bora and embark on an adventure that will leave you captivated by the island’s splendour.

1.Dive for your own Tahitian Pearl

Enjoy a unique moment, diving in Bora Bora lagoon to collect your own black pearl. About 20m from the pontoon of the pearl farm, lines of oysters at 2m deep are ready to be collected. Inside each of them, a Tahitian pearl mature after two years of a long process of development. Choose your oyster and the treasure inside is yours.

2.Go on a Shark & Ray Snorkelling Safari

A wonderful and easy way to get acquainted with the sharks, rays and tropical fishes of Bora Bora. Touch and swim with graceful rays in shallow water, encounter black tip sharks outside the lagoon where you will have the chance to swim with them and snorkel within magical coral gardens to see the vibrant fish life.

3. Experience a Sunset Photo Tour

Set the scene for your romantic rendezvous on Bora Bora lagoon. For more than an hour, a dedicated guide will photograph you posing in front of the most beautiful backdrops while you sail around the lagoon. The best 20 photos are yours to put in your album and take home as a souvenir of your amazing afternoon. As the sun sets learn all about this magical island’s history, legends and secrets before sipping a glass of Coco-Champagne.

4. Take a Jet Ski Tour on Bora Bora Lagoon

Zip around the Bora Bora lagoon on a morning or afternoon Jet Ski tour past overwater bungalows, sailboats and the lush green slopes of Mt Otemanu. Aboard a single or double Jet Ski, you’ll cruise across sparkling aquamarine waters with an expert guide leading the way. There are several stops enroute to ensure plenty of photo ops in this Polynesian paradise. It’s a tour that promises to be full of thrills.

5. Enjoy a Canoe Breakfast

You know you’re in Bora Bora when you wake to the sound of a Polynesian song, step out onto the deck of your overwater villa and see breakfast being delivered by a traditional outrigger canoe. While a vahine sets up your dining area, you can be treated to a short row around the pontoons to enjoy the rising sun and turquoise colours in the lagoon. Afterwards indulge in an unforgettable breakfast in paradise.

6. Sample a Traditional Ma’a Tahiti

The Ma’a Tahiti is the traditional Polynesian gathering of friends and family for a large meal. Food is prepared and cooked in a Tahitian oven — an underground pit. The first course served is Tahitian raw fish with coconut milk, then you’ll get to try steamed root crops such as taro, sweet potatoes, yams served with piglet, chicken with “fafa” (taro leaves) and clam meat curry. To follow is dessert, cooked bananas and Po’e, a starchy sweet paste prepared with banana, papaya or pumpkin. It’s a must do cultural experience and one your tastebuds will delight in.

Read the full article to know more about 12 Things to do in Bora Bora

#SpacificaTravel, #BoraBoraholidays

[gertlushgaming]

Saints Row 2023 Content Roadmap Revealed

  Deep Silver and Volition today unveiled the Saints Row 2023 Content Roadmap Revealed news that Santo Ileso is set to get bigger and better with three major releases for Expansion Pass holders over the coming months, two free new districts, three more quality-of-life updates, and Dead Island 2-inspired cosmetic pack for all players. Leading the charge is the free Dead Island 2 Pack on April 11th. HELL-A meets the Weird West in this free content inspired by Deep Silver’s forthcoming zombie slay-‘em up. Players can dress their boss with items from reckless antihero Jacob or quick-witted athlete Amy. They can also apply shock and awe with a new weapon, stagger with swagger with a new emote, and evoke bitey beachside memories with an iconic pink flamingo hat and Carver the Shark statue for their HQ.

The game’s biggest free update is scheduled for May with Sunshine Springs:

  A brand-new district is being added to Santo Ileso, alongside a swathe of quality-of-life changes (such as overhauled combat, Selfie Mode, and more) and improvements. On the same day, Expansion Pass holders get The Heist & The Hazardous, three new story missions set in Sunshine Springs as the Saints take on an ambitious heist as payback for being double-crossed by a famous actor… The second Expansion Pass content hits in July; Doc Ketchum’s Murder Circus, a new solo game mode that we will leave up to your imagination – for now. Plus, this will also add another free quality-of-life upgrade and new features being added. Finally, August sees the release of the third, final, and largest pack for the Expansion Pass. Keep an eye on our social channels for more news on this closer to the date. August will also see a second new district expansion and quality of life update that is free for all players.   Related Post: Saints Row Review (Xbox Series S) Check out the Saints Row blog for more information: SaintsRow.com/News. All Expansion Pass packs will also be available to purchase separately. Check your preferred platform store holder for local prices. Saints Row is out now on Xbox One and Xbox Series X|S, the PlayStation 4 and the PlayStation 5, and on Epic Games Store for PC. Read the full article

[chilly-moss]

Not a mutual at all but this seemed really fun so I did it anyways :) Preface: I am probably wrong about this list in some ways because I forget a lot of games I used to play! Even the really good ones!!! So most of these are games I played in the last 2-3 years or so, except for the final row, you'll see why :) Row 1 and 2: the ones that stuck. These are the games that don't really fit into one cohesive category other that wowsers!!! I really really liked these ones, for one reason or another.

Disco Elysium: My explanation cannot do this game justice. Watch a spoiler-free review or video essay about or just play it yourself! The only game in this list where I remember I cried.

Pentiment: There is so much love put into this game!!!!! The style, the letters, the story! There's so much research done into its history and so much time spent meticulously crafting every fine detail! The game itself is in no way perfect, but it dangles the pretty keys well enough in my face that I loved every second of it anyways!

Dishonored: Got this on sale when I remembered all the praise for it and wow it's deserved! I love how I can still be stealthy without needing to be hitman-levels of patient (no offense to hitman, just really impatient). The story is pretty fine and I imagine the second one is just as good, though I didn't finish it yet.

Cultist Simulator: Impeccable worldbuilding! Or...lack thereof I guess? IDK, Alexis Kennedy is notorious for being "anti-worldbuilding" though there's still a lot of it here hmmmm. Still, the Hours and the lore are something on a scale I haven't seen before (though that might just be me).

Ghostrunner: Amazing soundtrack, killer boss fights, makes me feel like a badass, not really anything more to say. It's the first movement shooter (slasher?) I played.

Card Shark: I kid you not this game sent me into a card magic phase. They actually use irl tricks and teach them to you (although mostly on a gameplay level only). The story is awesome and the art is too!

A House of Many Doors: I love the story and the inclusivity of all the characters. It's all very vibrant but doesn't fail to set the bleak undertone of the story.

Inscryption: I can't talk too much about this without spoiling a lot, but if you know you know. Great soundtrack too :)

Cassette Beasts: ohohohohohohohohohoho. The SOUNDTRACK, the ART, the STORY, the CHARACTER, MWAHMWAHMWAH ALL MY KISSES TO THIS GAME.

Danganronpa (the whole series): Honestly was a little hesitant to add this considering the rep the community has, so I don't dwell on it too long. I like the games, especially because me and my friends were live dubbing the second and third game.

Ok this is a lot longer than I expected oops, SPEED ROUNDS

Row 3: The chillaxers. Just some games I like if I had a rough day and want to wind down.

Row 4: The thinkers. Puzzle games! I'm not the best at them but I like them nonetheless.

Row 5: The originals. The first games I played! LBP 2 is the absolute first one ever and watch dogs was my first "18+ rated" game. The other three are all games I played very early on.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (aka I messed up and completely forgot about these but remembered while writing and am too lazy to edit the list): Sunless Sea, Splatoon (HOW COULD I FORGET YOU), Mario and Sonic winter Olympics (Nintendo DS), Nintendogs, Spyro (on my nephew's PlayStation) and Kirby's epic Yarn

Favourite games chart!

I saw everyone doing this fun little thing on bsky and I wanted to join!! (Here's where you can make one if you want: https://topsters.org/ )

It was actually so hard to pick so many "favourite" games without feeling like I was watering down the concept of favourite. I overcame this feeling by sorting these into different little categories.

First row is my current top 5 (in no particular order).

Second row is the artsy kids, the ones that really have beautiful music and/or artistic direction, that I could recommend to basically anyone and they'd at least agree that they're really pretty games even if they didn't like them.

Third row is the nostalgia corner, the ones I played when I was a kid and that really stuck with me.

Fourth row is the fun ones, I don't necessarily have a strong emotional connection to them but I had so much fun playing them I want more.

The last row is the joker row, where I put games that either are unfinished (Ultrakill, Deltarune), I haven't finished yet (Ultrakill, Library of Ruina), or… are just as bad as they're good (Genshin Impact). Seriously don't get me started on Genshin Impact. I love it I truly do but man.

Special mention for Othercide for the 1st boss experience that absolutely blew my mind. I would have put it on the list for this alone, but it gave me anxiety and that made me never finish the game. I'll get back to it one day. Listen to the soundtrack, folks, it's got some bangers.

(I tried not to put 2 games from the same series/franchise, like for ex I only TOTK even though I also played BOTW and I like it about as much, I put 1 Ace Attorney -well it's a duology but whatever- eve though there's many others that i also really love. I did put 2 zeldas but they're different enough imo that's it's fine. I also put 3/4 Supergiant Games ones but is it truly my fault if all their games are so good. And yeah there's 2 FF games too. What do you want me to do. There's so many FFs out there and they're probably all good I've only played these 2 from the main series and they're both in my favs I can't do anything about that.)(Anyways I think that's all.)

[thecreaturecodex]

Great Old One, Orgesh

“Orgesh” © Paizo Publishing, by Miguel Regodon Harkness. Accessed at his ArtStation page here

[Commissioned by @tar-baphon. Orgesh is a Great Old One first mentioned before Pathfinder RPG even existed, having been developed for the back-matter of the Second Darkness AP. They got an illustration in Black Stars Beckon as a possible foe to be fought as a follow up to the Strange Aeons AP. And yet, they never got an official stat block.]

Great Old One, Orgesh CR 28 CE Aberration This bloated figure is humanoid in form, with clawed arms and legs that bend like the haunches of a dog. Its head is split by a slavering maw with multiple rows of shark-like teeth, but bearing no other facial features.

Orgesh, the Faceless God CE genderless Great Old One of alchemy, hunger and subterranean waters Domains Chaos, Earth, Evil, Water Subdomains Caves, Ice, Metal, Oceans Favored Weapon spear Unholy Symbol An open fanged maw with a rune in the center Worshipers charda, maniacs, those seeking transformation Minions black-blooded creatures, metamorphs, winterwights

Orgesh the Faceless God is the physical embodiment of the black blood of the earth, a thick substance infused with supernatural cold and empowering to the undead. Orgesh once created the charda as a race to serve and amuse it, but grew bored and abandoned its spawn. Orgesh now roams the Darklands of Golarion, searching for a worthy opponent to either challenge its skills or put it out of its misery and allow it to escape the planet. If Orgesh is slain, the black blood of the earth will drain through the fabric of space and time, seeping into a new planet and granting Orgesh the opportunity to explore and predate upon a new world.

Orgesh is an explorer and experimenter by nature, and sees combat as the perfect opportunity to try out new battle tactics and forms. Orgesh’s body is semi-fluid, and it can shape its form into new ways to augment its abilities. Orgesh is naturally blind, but can grow eyes if it requires sight—such eyes form all over its body except on its face. Orgesh typically enters combat by spraying foes with a cone of black blood, then rushes forward to devour survivors. Any creature that succumbs to the energy drain Orgesh inflicts rises as a winterwight; much to Orgesh’s disappointment, most creatures die of wounds long before they reach that point.

Orgesh’s cult is small and nearly forgotten. Its doctrine states that its worshipers must try to kill and eat each other in order to concentrate their power. This doctrine was designed by Orgesh in order to create a possible rival, in the hope of being slain by their last follower in order to escape to another planet. The charda it created in the distant past still revere Orgesh loosely, but true clerics of Orgesh are few and far between. It is occasionally venerated by alchemists and necromancers who seek to tap into the potential of the black blood of the earth. Metamorphs see Orgesh as a kindred spirit, combining an ever shifting body with a keen intellect, and those of a more religious bent view Orgesh as their patron.

Orgesh   CR 28 XP 4,915,200 CE Gargantuan aberration (chaos, cold, earth, evil, Great Old One, water) Init +23; Senses blind, blindsense 240 ft., lifesense 120 ft., Perception +47 Aura aberrant prayer (40 ft.), unspeakable (300 ft., DC 37) Defense AC 45, touch 26, flat-footed 45 (-4 size, +9 Dex, +1 dodge, +10 insight, +19 natural) hp 666 (36d8+504); regeneration 25 (positive energy) Fort +28, Ref +23, Will +33 DR 20/lawful and epic; Immune ability damage, ability drain, aging, cold, curse effect, death effects, disease, energy drain, gaze attacks, mind-affecting effects, paralysis, petrification, visual spells and effects; Resist acid 20, electricity 20; SR 39 Defensive Abilities freedom of movement, immortality, insanity (Will DC 37), negative energy affinity, uncanny dodge Offense Speed 50 ft., burrow 30 ft., climb 30 ft., swim 50 ft. Melee bite +45 (4d12+22/19-20 plus grab and 3d6 cold and energy drain), 2 claws +45 (4d6+22/19-20 plus 3d6 cold) Space 20 ft.; Reach 20 ft. Special Attacks adamantine strikes, breath weapon (120 ft. cone, 20d6 cold, 20d6 negative energy and energy drain, Ref DC 42, 1d4 rounds), create spawn, energy drain (1d4 negative levels, Fort DC 37), fast swallow, form shift, freezing nightmares, mythic (10/day, 1d12), swallow whole (AC 19, 66 hp, 4d8+20 bludgeoning, 6d6 cold and energy drain), trample (4d8+30, Ref DC 48) Spell-like Abilities CL 28th, concentration +37 Constant—freedom of movement At will—bestow curse (DC 22), deeper darkness, dimension door M, enervation M, greater dispel magic, harm (DC 25) M, nightmare (DC 24), wall of iron M 3/day—finger of death (DC 26) M, quickened fire shield (cold only) M, empowered polar ray M, polymorph any object (DC 27), word of chaos (DC 26) M 1/day—clashing rocks (DC 28), earthquake (DC 27) M, polar midnight (DC 28), power word kill M M = Orgesh can use the mythic version of this spell-like ability Statistics Str 50, Dex 29, Con 39, Int 28, Wis 32, Cha 29 Base Atk +27; CMB +51 (+53 bull rush, +55 grappling and sunder); CMD 71 (71 vs. bull rush and sunder) Feats Awesome Blow, Combat Reflexes, Critical Focus, Dodge, Empower SLA (polar ray), Greater Sunder, Greater Vital Strike, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (bite, claw), Improved Initiative, Improved Sunder, Improved Vital Strike, Power Attack, Quicken SLA (fire shield),  Staggering Critical, Stunning Critical, Vital Strike Skills Acrobatics +45 (+53 when jumping), Climb +64, Escape Artist +45, Fly +15, Intimidate +45, Knowledge (dungeoneering) +45, Knowledge (arcana, engineering, geography, religion, planes) +42, Perception +47, Sense Motive +44, Spellcraft +45, Survival +47, Swim +64 Languages Abyssal, Aklo, Aquan, Draconic, Protean, Terran, Undercommon, telepathy 100 ft. SQ compression, otherworldly insight Ecology Environment underground Organization solitary (unique) Treasure double standard Special Abilities Aberrant Prayer (Su) Orgesh is surrounded by the effects of a prayer spell in a 40 foot radius, only the benefits or penalties are doubled for creatures of the aberration type. These benefits are incorporated into Orgesh’s statistics above. Adamantine Strikes (Ex) Orgesh’s natural weapons are treated as being made of adamantine for the purposes of overcoming damage reduction and hardness. It may tunnel through metal and stone with his burrow speed, treating it as difficult terrain and leaving a tunnel behind it. Blind (Ex) Orgesh is blind. It is immune to all gaze attacks, visual spells and abilities, but automatically fails Perception checks based on sight. Create Spawn (Su) A creature slain by Orgesh’s energy drain rises in 1d4 rounds as a winterwight under Orgesh’s control. Orgesh may control as many winterwights as its Charisma modifier (9)—if it creates any more, it chooses which one becomes free willed. Form Shift (Ex) As a move action, Orgesh can transform its body to better suit its needs. It gains one of the following enhancements:

all-seeing: Orgesh gains all around vision and a +8 racial modifier on Perception checks. When it has eyes, it is treated as having darkvision 60 ft.

armored: Orgesh gains a +6 enhancement bonus to its natural armor and fortification (75%)

extra limbs: Orgesh grows two more arms, which grant it two more claw attacks and rend (4 claws, 4d6+30)

lanky: Orgesh’s reach with all of its natural attacks increases by +10 feet

wings: Orgesh gains a fly speed of 100 ft. (good maneuverability)

Any enhancement granted by this ability lasts for 1 minute, or until Orgesh spends another move action to maintain it. Freezing Nightmares (Su) Orgesh can use its nightmare spell-like ability on any creature that has been in contact with the black blood of the earth. When it does so, the affected creature must succeed a DC 37 Will save or gain vulnerability to cold. This is a curse effect. The save DC is Charisma based. Immortality (Ex) If Orgesh is slain, all of the black blood of the earth on the planet it currently is drains away over the course of 1000 years, forming a new subterranean ocean on a distant planet somewhere else in the galaxy. Once the 1000 years have elapsed and the black blood has fully moved, Orgesh reforms in the deepest place of the new ocean. Swallow Whole (Ex) If a creature cuts itself free of Orgesh, Orgesh can use its swallow whole ability the next round its regeneration is functioning. Unspeakable Aura (Su) Any creature within 300 feet of Orgesh must succeed a DC 37 Will save or have its lowest ability score reduced by 8. This cannot reduce a creature’s relevant ability score to 0. This is a curse effect. Regardless of whether a creature succeeds or fails this save, it cannot be affected by Orgesh’s unspeakable aura for the next 24 hours. The save DC is Charisma based.

[theuntamednarrator]

Shenanigans on the High Seas

from @trensu​, the blog that brought you WangXiantics, and from that other blog that just, like, screams a lot in the tags, comes the AU that we all desperately need because, frankly, we’re a little dehydrated from crying over the Nie Bros (drumroll please)

PIRATE AU!!!

You know you want it

the Zidian is Jiang Cheng’s ship. he inherited it from his mother, who was known as the Violet Spider, Scourge of the Seven Seas

before she retired, Captain Yu had two first mates she’d trained since childhood, Wen Qing and Luo Qingyang

after Captain Yu retired they got married and are now Pirate Wives with an-all female crew aboard the Yiling Matriarch

her bright red sails are just as feared as the purple sails of Zidian or the sable sails of Ghost General

any man who sets foot on the Matriarch best be prepared to lose it, and the leg it’s attached to

rumour has it that every carpenter from beijing to budapest pays the Matriarch a commission, for keeping them in work making peg legs, but that’s just a rumour

JC captains the Zidian alongside his first mate Jiang Yanli

the rumours about her say that she’s the reason there’s so little murdering done by those aboard the Zidian

but the crew know she once ordered a captive tied to a chunk of bait and thrown overboard near Shark Reef Bay

granted, she let the crew fish him back out after the first bite, and Jin Zixun never said another word about Captain Wei Wuxian until he was ransomed

but still

speaking of WWX, he captains the Ghost General, though far from doing any actual captaining he’s usually to be found up in the crow’s nest with a bottle of rum and his flute

luckily, his trusted first mate Wen Ning is more than capable of handling the General

his very favourite targets are the Jin Company’s slave traders, and most of his crew are former captives who chose to stay with him after their rescue

regardless of how drunk he might be, no one can fight like Captain WWX, except perhaps JC and JYL, they did grow up together after all!

because WWX was a foundling fished from the wreckage of a vanquished merchant ship by the Violet Spider at age 6 and taken to the island hideaway where her lover, former merchant sailor turned stay-at-home-dad Jiang Fengmian, is raising their two children

because this is a HAPPY AU DANGIT, and we deserve ONE AU where these two don’t traumatise their children

Captain Yu and JFM are in fact very, very happy together and raise little WWX together alongside JYL and JC

Captain Yu and JFM met when she raided his ship

he offered himself and all the gold aboard in return for his crew’s lives

she thought him rather striking and went about setting him up on a little island she knew, very out of the way, where she can visit as often as she likes

JFM is DELIGHTED by this turn of events, which he loudly denies has anything to do with Captain Yu’s famed skill with a whip

while JFM was settling into his sugar baby life, his crew were returning back to their home port to report to JFM’s business partner, Lan Qiren, that the Violet Spider had killed JFM and taken all their gold

LQR, who had secretly been in love with his best friend and business partner for years, declares the Violet Spider his ARCH NEMESIS and sets about trying to destroy her

when his brother and sister-in-law die and leave his two nephews in his care he ropes them into the feud

the Lan Brothers both join the merchant navy and are the very most eligible bachelors polite society has to offer

they hate all pirates of course but especially the unholy trio of Zidian, Ghost General, and the Yiling Matriarch

this makes it VERY awkward when Lan Wangji finds himself THROWN OVERBOARD during a terrible storm, rescued by WWX, and dragged aboard the General

at first, recognising the uniform, WWX keeps LWJ under his eye by tying their wrists together with a length of rope for absolutely no other reason definitely not cause he’s cute, nope, no sir

later, LWJ manages to snatch a sword and an EPIC DUEL ENSUES *cue he’s a pirate (main theme) from PotC here*

they’re in the rigging, they're sliding down the sails, they’re fighting up and down the deck

LWJ is HORRIFIED to realise at one point that WWX is laughing

even worse, he, LWJ, is having fun??? wtf he’s never had fun in his life how dare

after the fight ends in a draw LWJ and WWX come to an Understanding and have many deep and meaningful conversations as they sail back towards port

both of them fall madly in love of course, but Pirate!WWX and Midshipman!LWJ are just as emotionally dense as the OG varieties so there’s A LOT of pining

Seriously- so. much. pining

they probably battle a sea monster at some point because that’d be sick

finally, they arrive back at the port and WWX asks (sadly, because pining) where he should leave him and LWJ says (sadly, because pining) that any of the Gusu Cloud piers is fine

and WWX laughs because how funny! my dad used to be a merchant sailor for the Gusu Cloud Company

which is how LWJ discovers that the ‘dad’ WWX has been telling stories about for literal WEEKS is actually his uncle's now not-so-long-lost-love!because they are both Disaster Drama Gays™ they decide they simply MUST do this Right. After all, it’s an Epic Reunion™!!!

LWJ convinces his uncle to come out sailing with him (even though LQR has not boarded a ship since JFM was lost, cue sweeping nostalgic music and distant stare into montage of the two of them in their Youth)

they row him blindfolded out to the island where JFM and Captain Yu live and the moment LQR sees JFM it’s jaws to the floor.

there are tears

JFM puts his hands on LQR’s shoulders and says ‘my old friend. you never said’

they hug

it’s adorable

don’t roll your eyes it’s adorable and you know it

Captain Yu and LQR still Do Not Get Along

their Epic Rivalry™ continues but now it’s just morphed into them trying to outdo each other in displays of affection

JFM’s little island house soon holds more jewels, gold, fine silk, and artwork than half the royal coffers of europe

family dinners are a DELIGHT

JC freaking runs whenever his father hosts Captain Yu and LQR for dinner

because 1) god dad, you're so embarrassing, and 2) HE DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING THEY GET UP TO BEHIND CLOSED DOORS THANKS

JYL thinks it's sweet and loves seeing her dad so happy

WWX does the pirate-time equivalent of a bro fistbump with JFM, like, NICE.

LWJ is very quiet but secretly loves it because he, as we all know, is That Bitch

‘A wedding! I love it! drinks all round!’ – WWX, probably, when the three finally announce they’re getting married

the wedding is WILD

there’s a whole lot of dancing, WWX is in the thick of it of course

LWJ wants so badly to ask him to dance but he still hasn’t told him how he feels (because emotionally dense disaster gays, remember?)

he finally has to go outside after WWX somehow convinces LQR to dance a jig with him which means WWX has officially asked everyone to dance except him

he goes and sits in the tidal rockpool, and his billowy white shirt is all wet and see through when WWX comes stumbling out of the party calling for him

WWX sees LWJ silhouetted by an endless horizon of ocean and stars and dies. he's quiet for the first time in his whole life

then LWJ turns and sees him so of course WWX has to go down and talk to him. he may be a pirate but he’s not a barbarian (unlike some certain nies we could name but won’t he’s definitely not still salty about the arm wrestle incident with Captain Nie’s ‘little brother’ eh he’s not much of a fighter but he’s great with languages yeah right his wrist still hurts sometimes bloody barbarians)

‘ah lan zhan lan zhan! you aren’t allowed to run away; we haven’t had a dance yet. even your uncle danced with me surely you can’t say no!’ *pouts*

lwj.exe has stopped working

but of course he can’t deny WWX anything so he makes to head back inside

now wwx.exe has stopped working

because to HELL if he’s sharing wet LWJ in a see though white shirt with the rest of those imbeciles

‘ah, um lan zhan lan zhan we can hear the music from here just fine can’t we? let’s just dance right here?’

and of course LWJ says yes

so the two of them just dance together on the edge of the ocean, waves lapping over their bare feet

until a particularly big one knocks them flat (listen, it’s a trope for a REASON dagnabbit)

WWX ends up sprawled over LWJ’s chest and he’s laughing and apologizing

but LWJ is just looking at him, wreathed in stars, eyelashes so wet and glittering, the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen

WWX notices how still he is and they just pause for a moment and stare at each other

doesn’t really matter who kisses who but they are kissing and it’s wet and salty, there is sand in their teeth, and they absolutely do not give a flying dutchman

they don’t even register the cheers and catcalling until JC runs up and dumps a bucket of water over their heads

because dammit he hasn’t spent months running out of every room his parents and LQR are in just to watch his big brother pop his cherry get it on on the beach

the rest of the gang are all watching from the porch

WN and LXC look very awkward and embarrassed

JYL looks fond and is shaking her head

JC meanwhile is having a heated argument with WQ because there were bets on you see

WQ ‘pouring a bucket of water over them is cheating I’m not paying you one penny JC’

JC ‘I’m a pirate why on earth would you expect me to play by the rules pay up Captain’

WWX and LWJ sneak away while they’re all arguing

The General has one new crew member when she next sails out

ANYWAY married gay pirates wangxian having adventures AU is what we’re saying

Also for your consideration other delightful Pirate!AU options include:

naval officer!lwj chasing down pirate!wwx (think norrington/sparrow if Disney weren’t COWARDS);

high society!lwj in love with blacksmith-turned-pirate!wwx (the Elizabeth Swann/Will Turner dynamic, except with Swann in the forge fight because we said so);

davy jones!lwj pining for calypso!wwx (carving your heart out = chest brand anyone? seriously, just imagine LWJ setting foot on dry land for the first time in 13, 16, 10 YEARS, playing the song he’s composed for his love and WWX IS NOT THERE!!!!) 

[katieamazeballs]

DWTS Live Tour Recap 2020

Whew....this day has been a doozy between lack of sleep and a weird ass day at work.  This years tour was a vastly different experience than in the past because Mother Nature is a raging beeotch.... but it was still so amazing!  Details below the break to save y’alls timelines some grief. 

We started off our day at work and school.  I had known, and bitched extensively, about the 100% rain outlook but it was pretty sunny all day.  I picked Abs up at early release and I swear to you...the second the car door shut, the sprinkles started.  Because of course it did.  We got ready and went for some lunner only to be caught in INSANE traffic.  Fun fact, Floridians can’t drive in the rain and there was a fatal accident on a major bridge that shut it down and made traffic a nightmare.  No biggie though, because it was nasty out and we knew they weren’t just going to be wandering downtown so we were in no rush.  We got downtown about 4 and we started wandering. 

(Gratuitous bus pic)

We stopped and chatted with the nicest security lady who, bless her heart, was sitting there between the buses huddled under a golf umbrella.  She said she hadn’t seen anyone in quite a while (probably because they were inside teaching the show to Keo) but that if we had been there at 7am they were all outside chillin and going to work out and such.  We did a lap then stood under the awning at the front of the arena for a bit. 

(Why is she so weird?)

During our laps we saw Keo (who was limping something fierce...like I wasn’t sure he was going to make it up the steps to the arena limp...looked like he pulled a hammy) but due to the sprinkling and the running buses he either didn’t hear us or pretended to not hear us.  We also saw Val, possibly Jenna (hood was pulled over her to her eyes), Daniella, and Wit.  Everyone but Wit was doing the mad dash into the arena from the buses.  Wit was in full hair and makeup and talked to Abs for a second as she was entering her bus...Abs didn’t ask for a picture because Wit clearly wanted to get into the dry and not mess herself up.  We did a couple more laps then standing under the awning loops then met up with @loveisstatic​. 

(Poor sweetheart bore witness to Savage being savage most of the night.) 

We decided to take a lap but didn’t see anything....sigh.  After a pretty epic battle over the fact that Haley said she also “liked” Alan....as in, he’s a good dancer, which “someone” took as “Imma steal your man”. 

We went in the arena and went to the merch table where Abs refused a tour tshirt because Hannah was on it...lol.  I was trying to get a cute pic of Abs and her 10 paddle....but home girl was trying to make sure she wasn’t standing next to Hannah ffs....

Then we went to get drinks (ha for Haley) and were very quickly let in to our seats.  Haley was actually only a couple rows in front of us, so we were able to chat before the show and during intermission.  The show is, of course, absolutely amazing!  It has a cute “theme” of driving the bus on tour and the voice overs were cracking me up.  After the Magic Mike number, Jen talks to the lady rubbing up on Val.  The poor lady clearly either has zero idea who the two of them are or has lost her senses due to all the testosterone filled sweat on her person.  Jen “You know, I recently got married”  Lady “Oh, congratulations!!!”  Jen “Yeah, that man you were just grinding and rubbing and smacking on....that’s my husband”  Lady “OMG!”  Jen “Yeah, his name is Val.  I’ll let it slide this time (then whatever the script is)”.  The lady was so embarrassed.  It was funny.  There was the absolute cutest little girl in the front row that Val came out and talked to.  She’s on the DWTS Tour story.  That section of the show was pretty awesome, actually.  I loved his speech about breaking the tv barrier and coming to do shows live to all of us who were gracious enough to invite them into our homes every Monday night.  Abs fave dance was Daddy Shark (I’ll steal her video and post it later....we can’t have enough reposts of that gem) and anything that had Alan and mine was the entire Hero section at the end where they’re wearing white (for the dancing) and Dream On (for the music).  Actually, the dance where they’re passing the key to the tour around was pretty awesome, too.  Then, it comes to intermission and Abs starts bitching about being hungry.  I told her sorry (she’s not a popcorn or nut fan and that’s all they really had) and she starts made some wildly and embarrassing comments about want candy...Alan’s candy complete with eyebrow waggles and cackling.  I think that it was at that point that our new friend decided that kid is a hot damn mess.  Jenna’s swan dive is absolutely amazing in person....mostly for the reaction it causes.  I, of course, knew it was coming but the lady next to me literally slap/grabbed her husband and whisper yelled “OH SHIT!”.  After the show, the adults in the group had to pee.  The teenager in the group just bitched that we were going to make her late to the buses.  (This is a very important fun fact for later.)  They have some weird ass security dude on tour this year who had some rule where the crowd standing (couldn’t have been more than 20 of us) had to scrunch into the space of 2 of those metal fence things as opposed to the other 57000 of them lining the buses.  Every 5 min or so, he’d waltz out and yell at us to “get on this side of the line.  No one can be between the buses”...except none of us moved after the first few times.  He was intense and a good time fun ruiner.  Kept trying to tell us that the police were going to see us standing at his one of his non approved fences (the same ones we’ve stood at for 2 other tours) and “shut the whole thing down”.  Sure, Stan.  Evenutally, he stopped fussing and Kate came out. 

She is a gem, honestly.  Super sweet and funny as hell.  Love me some her.  After Kate went in, it was cold and SOMEONE in our group had to pee (remember that fun fact....ha).  Val came out and got into the runner van and scooted off to the airport.  There was much discussion of how we knew it was him and how we knew where he was going.  Sasha came out and we talked to him and got pics. 

(Not all his selfies are hysterical gems that will be reused for all of eternity)

I gave him all my notes and Glebs drugs because we thought we were going to have to leave.  He said he’d pass them out for me.  We were deciding to leave when Emma popped out of the bus all “Which one of you gave the Benadryl to Gleb?  That was bloody brilliant!”.

We took pics with her and decided to stick around for a bit more because Abs needed  wanted to see Alan.  Thankfully, he came out shortly after and turned on the front camera flash I didn’t even know I had. 

(He also has very long arms for a good selfie angle)

After Alan came Wit and Daniella and thankfully that was it.

The grumpy security dude told us all to leave and I think everyone was ready.  We were stacked like 6 people deep having to shove up to the front for pics as the pros were like “WTF is wrong with these weirdos in Jacksonville and why aren’t they standing over at all these other perfectly decent fences”.  Like, they’d move over to the fence to the left to take pics and we’d all be like “NO!  We aren’t allowed!”.  It was cold and it was a week night and everyone was pretty much over the foolishness at that point.  What was cool about the night was I got to not only meet up with a fun tumblr friend, but there were a few of us at the buses that have started recognizing each other from other tours.  The girl Brandon pulled on stage recognized Abs and me and then I recognized a dude we’ve seen each year.  Funny story, the girl (who is a huge Derek stan) and I were talking about how pretty Gleb is (after the Benadryl thing) and she was talking about Brandon and having to touch his butt on stage.  She’s all “I mean, it’s a nice butt, but he’s just too cute to rub up on”.  She’s not wrong, he is just the cutest thing in person....just not in a sexy Daddy Shark type way.  Anyways, another tour down.  Plans to see MVPJ with a new friend and bus stalk at the “next tour” with the other bus stalkers.  Can’t wait till next time! 

[dwinkus]

what are your top 5 worst video games you ever played

I have no idea so I looked at what I have and picked the ones that have pissed me off lately. here they are in order from least pissy to mosty pissy.

1. dead island. this made my dear sweet friend liz seasick and she still won’t finish the game with me. also the FOV is really low unless you mod the game and it drives me into a rage.

2. gat out of hell. this is like five hours of content tops because they’re still trying to squeeze blood out of the saints row 3 stone, unsuccessfully. liz and I played this and it was a waste of money. saints row iv already sucked because it’s post-SR3 shark jumping and the wackiness has escalated past the point of no return and the superpowers make it too easy, and then gat out of hell is a step past THAT

3. fallout 76. I don’t have epic gamer rants about this but I preordered it full price and played one time with liz and wesley during the beta and have not played it since, despite owning it. if you make a game where you have to choose between open mic or disabling all incoming voice chat you go to hell

4. destiny 2. I probably have 250 hours in this game and it’s only bad because I made all my friends buy it (like literally influenced maybe 10 people with my excitedness) and now they won’t play with me. @bidoof I miss you please guys I’m sorry

5. LA Noire. I was so mad about this game. I’m too tired to start complaining about this but it’s been a running gag how I’m mad about this game for eight years now and I’m not stopping now. I’m only mad about it because it’s such a cool concept and they FUCKED it up... every mission has so much promise and the early 60s dragnet type police procedural is such an unexplored thing in video games. god DAMN it

[littlepryingpandorica]

Project Rebuild Chapter 12

EXT. GARMADON’S VOLCANO LAIR - DAY

The Shark Army returns to Garmadon’s Volcano Lair, which is shaped like a giant shark fin jutting out of the water.

The instrumental version of “Coming Undone” by Korn plays in the background.

[Song: Coming Undone by Korn - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiDY3UCAyiY ]

Multiple Flying Jelly Subs and Manta Ray Bombers fly into the caverns with lava flowing on the sides. Other aquatic vehicles can be seen entering and exiting the lair. Inside the volcano are hollowed out chambers for use of the different departments in Garmadon’s army. As the music plays, we get an epic, single take, tracking shot exploring the different areas in Garmadon’s Volcano Lair.

INT. VOLCANO ATRIUM - DAY

At the center of the Volcano Lair is The Atrium, where the Research and Development, and I.T. Departments can be found. Many I.T employees are busy working.

Hanging high above in the ceiling is a Dragon Skull on display. Beneath it is a plaque that says “IN LOVING MEMORY OF DEMIC”.

A lady with round blue glasses and a black Batman shirt under her labcoat walks through rows of computers, machinery and display screens. This is TERRI THE GPL TECH. She oversees everything.

She pauses at a display screen that reads “PROJECT SEPARATOR: GOLDEN POWER EXTRACTION AT 86%”. Beneath it is a loading bar to track the progress.

Terri walks over to the equipment connected to the display screen. She watches four golden BRICK SEPARATORS strapped to extraction machines. GOLDEN POWER is being drained from the Brick Separators, which flows into a War Hammer placed on a pedestal.

Content with the progress, Terri goes to her desk and continues working on the blueprints of a large shark-themed, humanoid mech.

INT. GARMADON’S THRONE ROOM - DAY

The walls of the Throne Room have murals of ONI MASKS. Lord Garmadon is sitting on his throne. He is crying tears of fire.

There are several Shark Army soldiers present, attending to Garmadon’s whims. Generals # 4 and 6, currently the only remaining generals, are also present.

But then we focus on a new character, a dark blue reptillian humanoid with a cobra-like hood and a long, brick-built rattlesnake tail. He has red eyes with spiral patterns. But his most noticeable feature is a large, faded scar that can be seen spanning across his entire torso. This is GENERAL FANG THE HYPNOBRAI.

Garmadon sobs loudly. He is an emotional mess with fire tears leaking out of his eyes and fire snot dripping from where his nose would be. His anger makes him look monstrous but his sorrow makes him look pitiful. He swings wildly between these two extremes.

Garmadon blows his nose on a piece of non-Lego tissue paper. It catches fire and he throws it at a pile of other discarded tissues. The pile of tissues also catches fire.

General Fang rolls his eyes and puts out the flame out with a fire extinguisher.

GARMADON: I can’t believe my own son would turn out to be the Green Ninja! Where did I go wrong? I did not see this coming at all!

Garmadon looks at old pictures of him and Lloyd bonding over evil acts. One photo has them standing on the giant non-Lego grass next to a “Keep off the grass” sign. Another photo has them gleefully riding the Ninjago Monorail as it is about to run over several Ninjago citizens tied to the train tracks. Yet another photo has the them playing a regular game of baseball, with Lloyd as the batter and Garmadon as the pitcher. But instead of throwing a baseball, Garmadon throws a kitten in Lloyd’s direction.

General # 4 snaps Garmadon out of his reverie.

GENERAL # 4: Actually, Sir, if you look at past prophecies, this should have been really obvious in hindsight.

General # 4 holds out the original fortune prophecy that says Lloyd would defeat his father.

GENERAL # 4: They even have an attack called the Wu-Cru formation. That really should have clued you in on your brother’s involvement!

Garmadon angrily glares at the general. General # 4 tries to verbally backtrack.

GENERAL # 4: Clued us! Clued us in!

GARMADON: You’re fired!

Garmadon slams down a button and General # 4 literally gets fired out of the volcano.

A Shark Army soldier offers Garmadon a cup of tea, perhaps in a futile attempt to calm him down.

Garmadon drinks the tea and immediately spits it out.

GARMADON: What is this? Green tea?

Garmadon throws the cup of hot tea at another nearby Shark Army soldier in the background. The soldier lets out a Wilhelm scream.

GARMADON: The only tea I drink is black! LIKE MY HEART! You’re fired!

Garmadon slams down the button again and the soldier is jettisoned out the volcano.

GARMADON: (ANGRILY) SOMEBODY BETTER GIVE ME SOME GOOD NEWS OR THE NEXT PERSON TO TALK GETS FIRED OUT OF THE VOLCANO!

General # 6 receives a message over his radio communicator. He nervously relays the message to Garmadon.

GENERAL # 6: Sir, your daily prophecy has arrived.

A large non-Lego fortune cookie is wheeled into the throne room and delivered to Lord Garmadon. Garmadon cracks it wide open with a swift karate chop.

The fortune prophecy reads "You will not conquer Ninjago City today. Better luck next time." Garmadon loses his temper at this. Everyone else in the room sees the fortune prophecy and stands completely still in fear.

GARMADON: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

General # 6 drops to the ground in a fetal position.

GENERAL # 6: Just make it quick, sir.

General Fang hisses and put himself between Garmadon and General # 6. He speaks with an emphasis on the “s” sounds in his words.

GENERAL FANG: Sssssssssssir, you might want to firssssstt consssssssider replacementssss...

Garmadon is enraged, practically grinding his teeth in anger. But he pauses to consider the sense in General Fang’s suggestion. He composes himself, wipes the fire tears from his eyes, inhales and speaks to General # 6 in a polite tone.

GARMADON: Oh but before that, could you kindly call in the next batch of generals for me?

General # 6 radios in on his communicator.

GENERAL # 6: Hello HR? Lord Garmadon is requesting a new batch of generals. Okay.

He turns to Garmadon.

GENERAL # 6: They’re on their way, Sir.

GARMADON: Good!

For the third time, Garmadon slams down on the button and General # 6 flies out the volcano.

On cue, the new batch of generals enter the room. They all look exactly like the previous batch of generals but with genderswapped face prints.

All the new generals are uneasy and apprehensive. The Shark Army soldiers mirror their apprehension. They know what will happen next.

Garmadon glares down at the new generals. His eyes burn a bright red.

We go to Garmadon’s POV and in the center of each torso of the new generals, he sees a glowing golden aura. He stares for a beat then turns to General Fang.

GARMADON: General Fang, I’m not in the mood to invoke them one at a time. Take care of this for me.

GENERAL FANG: Assssss you wiiissshhh…

But then General Fang hisses to himself.

GENERAL FANG: You jusssst don’t want to deal with the messssss of fortune cookiesssss.

Garmadon eyes General Fang suspiciously.

GARMADON: What was that?

GENERAL FANG: Nothing, sssssssir.

General Fang slithers into position. He nods at Garmadon. Both their eyes glow bright red as though in synchronization.

General Fang turns to the new generals. They look terrified. General Fang begins shaking his tail rattle. The spirals in his red eyes begin spinning and he hypnotizes the new generals.

GENERAL FANG: Look into my eyessssss. I control you. Follow the Way of Lord Garmadon. Let anger ssssssseep into your heartssssss.

One of the generals looks away. He looks like a male version of the previous General # 2. Garmadon appears behind him, places his hands on the general’s head and forces him to look at General Fang.

GARMADON: Ah ah ah, can’t have you resisting now, can we?

GENERAL FANG: Follow the Way of Lord Garmadon.

The glowing, golden auras in each of the general’s torsos burn brightly. But in Garmadon’s torso is a dark purple aura. A wisp of his purple aura floats out of his torso and splits into seven snake-shaped wisps. These snake-shape wisps drift in the air and slither into the torsos of the seven generals. Their respective golden auras become tainted by the purple aura.

The new generals twitch in uncontrollable spasms. Intense percussive music plays in the background as this happens.

We see a shot from behind General Fang. He moves out of the way, revealing a very stern and angry-looking batch of generals. Each of their eyes briefly flash red. The Shark Army soldiers in the room cover their mouths in shock.

GENERAL FANG: Whom do you ssssserve?

The new generals speak as one.

GENERALS 1 - 7: All hail Lord Garmadon!

CUT TO: INT. NINJAGO HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

The Ninja all jump out of their lockers. They have all changed back to their civilian outfits. They are all sweaty and panting as they run back to class.

Kai whispers to Lloyd.

KAI: But seriously, did you just have blab about your secret identity to your dad?

LLOYD: Later, Kai. We’ll talk about it later.

INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY

The Ninja enter the classroom and try to return to their seats as inconspicuously as possible.

The words “Show and tell tomorrow” are written on the black board.

Ms. Laudita notices the Ninja and calls their attention.

MS. LAUDITA: Ahem! You were all in the bathroom for a very long time.

The Ninja all freeze in place and Lloyd improvises an excuse.

LLOYD: Yeah... We all got... diarrhea?

Lloyd shrugs his shoulders sheepishly and hopes Ms. Laudita will buy it.

MS. LAUDITA: Really? Simultaneously?

Ms. Laudita raises an eyebrow. All the other Ninja immediately go along with Lloyd’s excuse, all speaking at the same time.

KAI: Diarrhea like you couldn't believe!

ZANE: It was a most painful bowel movement.

JAY: I actually didn’t poop my pants this time.

NYA: Not as watery as usual but it was relentless!

Cole clutches his stomach and groans.

COLE: Ugh! I shouldn’t have eaten all that chocolate cake.

Kai turns around, bends over and points at his butt.

KAI: We had bricks coming out of our...

A disgusted Ms. Laudita immediately interrupts Kai to keep him from finishing his sentence.

MS. LAUDITA: Okay! That's enough! Just go back to your seats!

The Ninja all return to their seats but everyone else visibly inches their desks away.

NYA: (indignantly) Hey! We washed our hands!

CUT TO: INT. VOLCANO ATRIUM - DAY

A flashing light catches Terri’s attention. She looks at the computer screen as it finishes loading, flashing the sign “GOLDEN POWER EXTRACTION COMPLETE”. The Brick Separators have been completely drained of Golden Power. They are now just regular orange brick separators.

Terri gasps and runs off to Garmadon.

INT. GARMADON’S THRONE ROOM - DAY

Everyone in the Throne Room is still completely silent. All the Shark Army soldiers are afraid. They know whoever speaks next risks being fired out of the volcano. The new generals don’t seem aware of this.

Garmadon is pacing impatiently around the room. One general reluctantly raises his hand. It is the new General # 2, the one who previously resisted.

GARMADON: Yes, new General number 2?

GENERAL # 2: Sir, we’ve been sitting here in silence for several hours and I... generally need to do a number 2 so... can I go to the bathroom?

Garmadon narrows his eyes in anger.

GARMADON: It’s “May I? May I go to the bathroom?” You imbecile!

Garmadon presses the button again and we go to a distant shot of the new General # 2 being fired out of the volcano. Too late, he shouts his rebuttal as he flies through the air.

GENERAL # 2: Maaaaaaaaaaay Iiiiiiiiiiiiii????

GARMADON: Grammar is important even when plotting to take over the world. Now, anyone else have anything to say?

All the new generals squirm and shake their heads silently.

Suddenly, Terri bursts in through the doors, slamming them open. All the generals and Shark Army soldiers struggle to contain their gasps.

TERRI: Sir, Project Separator is complete. Your MEGAWEAPON is ready.

CUT TO: INT. VOLCANO ATRIUM - DAY

We go to a close up shot of the Megaweapon. Garmadon leans into view and admires the War Hammer. It glows with Golden Power. Garmadon places a hand on it and the glow fades away.

GARMADON: At last! The powers of the FOUR GOLDEN WEAPONS OF RECREATION are mine!

GENERAL FANG: What isssss it, ssssir?

Garmadon turns to General Fang.

GARMADON: Traditionally, a Hammer is a useful tool for building. But a War Hammer is a weapon of destruction. The Megaweapon is both. Infused with Golden Power, it now has the unlimited potential both to create and to destroy.

Garmadon lifts the War Hammer from its pedestal and moves toward General Fang in a vaguely threatening manner.

GARMADON: General Fang, how would you like to join me on my next attack?

General Fang’s eyes widen and he looks horrified at the idea. He instinctively clutches at the faded scar on his abdomen. He slowly starts to back away.

GENERAL FANG: Sssssoooo sssssorry but I musssssst decline.

Garmadon advances in a show of dominance.

GARMADON: Come now, you’ll be safe. I promise.

GENERAL FANG: Then why don’t you invoke it?

General Fang quips defensively. Garmadon answers as though talking to a toddler.

GARMADON: You know it doesn’t work that way. The powers of life and death are beyond even my abilities.

Garmadon wistfully looks up at the dragon skull of Demic. General Fang follows Garmadon’s gaze. Garmadon looks genuinely sorrowful for a beat. He shakes it off. Then he gives a demonic smile to General Fang.

GARMADON: But I have a good feeling about this one.

Garmadon grips the War Hammer in his hands and gives it a spin.

GARMADON: I’ll even let you ride in my mech this time.

GENERAL FANG: What mech? You don’t even have your sssshark mech anymore. The Ninja trasssshed it, remember?

Garmadon mutters to himself, not really listening to General Fang.

GARMADON: Yes. That Black Ninja packs a real punch. He has a spunk and willfulness that almost feels... familiar.

GENERAL FANG: And now your mech liessssss at the bottom of the ssssea.

GARMADON: Trashed. At the bottom of the sea. Heh.

Garmadon mulls over these words. He tightens his grip on the War Hammer and yells out a raging war cry.

GARMADON: AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

With all his strength, Garmadon uses the War Hammer to strike a wall of the volcano lair. Streaks of Golden Power snake out from the impact point and spread to the rest of the wall.

After a beat, the entire wall EXPLODES!

KABOOM!

Lego bricks rain down everywhere. Everyone except Garmadon panics. There is now a massive hole in the side of the Volcano Lair.

GENERAL FANG: Ssssssirr! What are you doing?

General Fang tries to shield himself from the falling Lego bricks.

Garmadon looks back at General Fang and gives a knowing smile. As though on cue, Terri hands him the blueprint of the humanoid mech.

GARMADON: Observe.

Garmadon holds aloft the Megaweapon. He looks at the blueprint then closes his eyes and concentrates. The Megaweapon begins to glow. Waves of Golden Power radiate out of of the Megaweapon and into the Lego bricks. Ominous choir music begins playing.

The Lego bricks and pieces float in the air and stack on top of each other, creating some sort of brick built structure. One by one the bricks snap and click into place. Slowly, the structure begins to take shape.

Close up on Garmadon as he strains to mentally build the new mech. Then close up on General Fang with an awestruck expression.

When Garmadon is finished, he sets the Megaweapon on the ground and collapses on all sixes. He is sweating and breathing heavily. Using the Megaweapon clearly takes a toll on him.

General Fang moves to Garmadon’s side and helps him up. Then they both stare at a giant, shark-themed but humanoid mech.

GARMADON: I call it the Garma Mecha Man. I’m sure Luh-loyd will come to his senses eventually but I will still conquer Ninjago with or without his help.

Garmadon turns to General Fang.

GARMADON: What do you say?

General Fang looks at the mech and gulps audibly.

General Fang looks back at Garmadon and concedes.

GENERAL FANG: Assss you wisssshhhh.

[officialotakudome]

New Post has been published on Otaku Dome | The Latest News In Anime, Manga, Gaming, Tech, and Geek Culture

New Post has been published on https://otakudome.com/maneater-coming-to-nintendo-switch/

Maneater Coming to Nintendo Switch

Tripwire Interactive has announced it’s shark leading RPG Maneater is coming to Nintendo Switch later this month:

ROSWELL, Ga. – March 19, 2021 – Developer and publisher Tripwire Interactive and retail co-publishing partner Deep Silver are eager to announce that the celebrated action-RPG where you play as a shark (aka shARkPG), Maneater is coming to the Nintendo Switch™ system on May 25, 2021. For the first time ever, the open waters of Port Clovis have evolved to go portable. Whether you’re on the go or in your home, you now can eat, explore, and evolve your way to the top of the food chain and become the Apex Predator of the ocean.

Out now on the PlayStation®4 computer entertainment system, PlayStation®5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S, Xbox Series X, and PC (via the Epic Games Store)—and this spring for the Nintendo Switch™ system—Maneater invites players to experience the ultimate power fantasy by controlling the apex predator of the seas—a terrifying shark!

Maneater is a single player, open-world action-RPG (ShARkPG) where YOU are the shark. Starting as a small bull shark pup you are tasked with surviving the harsh world while eating your way up the ecosystem. To do this, you will explore a large and varied open world encountering diverse enemies — both human and wildlife. Find the right resources and you can grow and evolve far beyond what nature intended, allowing the player to tailor the shark to their play style. This is fortunate, because to get revenge on the cruel fisherman that dismembered you will take evolving into a massive shark, an apex predator of legends. Eat. Explore. Evolve.

Maneater Key Features Include:

• Eat: Feed on humans, consume nutrients, and find rare shark loot to evolve past what nature intended.

• Explore the Gulf: Explore seven large regions, including bayous of the gulf coast, resort beaches, industrial docks, the open ocean and more. Experience a living world with a full day/night cycle.

• Evolve Into a Legend: Unlock and equip various Evolutions that improve and enhance your shark as you progress through the campaign.

• Unique Story: Play through a full narrative, story-based campaign narrated by Chris Parnell (Rick and Morty, Saturday Night Live, 30 Rock) and set against the backdrop of a reality TV show.

• Diverse, Compelling Combat: Battle fierce wildlife including other apex predators or fight against various types of human hunters ranging from town drunks all the way up to the Coast Guard.

• Includes the Tiger Shark Evolution: The Tiger Shark is often called the ‘garbage disposal of the sea.’ Appropriately enough, this evolution allows you to digest nearly anything, increasing your ability to gain vital nutrients from all varieties of prey.

With a truly unique premise and never-before-seen approach to the action-RPG genre, Tripwire Interactive looks forward to taking players on a journey through uncharted waters with Maneater.

Maneater for Nintendo Switch releases May 25, 2021 for $39.99 / €39.99 / £34.99 MSRP with an ESRB rating of M for Mature, PEGI 18 rating, and USK 16 rating. For more details on Maneater, please visit the official website – and follow the developers at Tripwire Interactive on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Twitch.tv, and Instagram.

©2019 Tripwire Interactive- published by Koch Media, Austria. Deep Silver® is a registered trademark of Koch Media in the USA and elsewhere. Maneater © 2019 Tripwire Interactive. Maneater® is a registered trademark of Tripwire Interactive in the USA and other countries. All other trademarks, logos and copyrights are property of their respective owners. All rights reserved.

About Tripwire Interactive

Formed in 2005 as a humble independent developer founded by gamers who found success in the video game modding community, Tripwire Interactive has developed and self-published multiple critically acclaimed titles in the wildly popular Killing Floor and Rising Storm franchises, which have collectively sold over 20 million units to date. The studio’s latest project, Maneater, breaks new ground in the popular action RPG genre and finds players taking on the role of a deadly shark with the uncanny ability to evolve as it feeds.

Since then, Tripwire Interactive has expanded its business and now turns its experience and resources to include publishing titles spanning multiple platforms and genres from other talented independent studios. The publishing division aims to help like-minded independent studios bring their titles to market, including Chivalry 2 developed by Torn Banner Studios, Espire 1: VR Operative developed by Digital Lode, and Road Redemption developed by EQ Games and Pixel Dash Studios.

About Deep Silver

Deep Silver develops and distributes interactive games for all platforms. The Deep Silver label means to captivate all gamers who have a passion for thrilling gameplay in exciting game worlds by creating products of the highest possible quality, always focusing on what the customer desires.

Deep Silver has published more than 200 games since 2003, including its own brands like the open world extravaganza Saints Row, the zombie action franchise Dead Island, and the gritty, post-apocalyptic Metro series. Upcoming highlights from Deep Silver include the next entries into the Saints Row, TimeSplitters and Dead Island franchises. Deep Silver also owns the development studios Deep Silver Dambuster Studios in Nottingham, UK; Deep Silver Fishlabs in Hamburg, Germany, and Deep Silver Volition based in Champaign, IL, USA. For more information please visit www.deepsilver.com.

Koch Media is a leading producer and distributor of digital entertainment products (software, games and films). The company’s own publishing activities, marketing and distribution extend throughout Europe and the USA. The Koch Media group has more than 20 years of experience in the digital media business, and has risen to become the number one distributor in Europe. It has also formed strategic alliances with numerous games and software publishers: Bethesda, Capcom, Kaspersky Labs, NC SOFT, Sega, Square Enix and Tecmo-Koei, etc. in various European countries. With Headquarters in Höfen, Austria Koch Media owns branches in Germany, England, France, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Spain, the Nordic regions, Benelux, Australia, Czech Republic and the United States.

All product titles, publisher names, trademarks, artwork and associated imagery are trademarks, registered trademarks and/or copyright material of the respective owners. All rights reserved.

[alpha-copy-alpha]

Fortnite Chapter 2: How to Unlock Vault Doors with Key-Cards

Fortnite is growing higher as Epic Games recently released chapter 2 of season 2. Fortnite one of the biggest game in the gaming industry with over billions of players around the world. Season 1 was the longest season of the game, and now the new road begins with season 2. In the Second 2, new features and maps and new challenges added for better competition. Some new challenges in the new season are starting to give trouble to players because most of the things are locked in the vault that needs to be unlocked.

Locked vault doors are the things that are making player curious to open and collect some great rewards from it. However, these vault doors don’t seem to be unlocked that easily as it requires keycards to open the vault doors.  Without keycards, opening vault doors is an impossible thing, but with some simple guidelines and tips, you can earn keycards in some locations.

How Important is Keycards

In the new Season of Fortnite locked doors are said to be vault that contains a massive amount of loot inside it. Without keycards, unlocking vaults is not possible, and that is why players need to hunt and kill some mini-boss to get the keycards in some specific location. Each keycard opens one vault door, and you can find these bosses around the map.

Where to Find Keycard in Fortnite

Looking for Fortnite keycards? In the map of Fortnite, there are five locations where you can find the mini-boss and each boss have one card that you can acquire.

The Shark Location for Keycard

In the corner of northwest location, The Shark location located that will provide you with a single keycard. For unlocking the vault of basement defeating Skye is essential. It’s an easy opponent that does not have bigger heath, so you just have to shoot her some accurate shots to achieve keycards. When you go for killing Skye, ensure you have enough things to kill the boss quickly.

The Rig Location for Keycard

If you are looking to defeat The Rig, then you have to reach the southwest corner of the map. There you will find TNTina, and she is the mini-boss of that location that will provide you keycard. She is more like Skye because she doesn’t have much health for fighting longer. The vault is available inside of unusual legs that supporting the whole rig.

The Grotto for Keycard Location

Go for the Brutus who located at the retail row of the northeast. On the north side of the facility area vault and Brutus, both can be found. However, unlike the previous bosses, Brutus is dangerous and have higher health. He will take some extra time as compared to previous weak mini-bosses. You need to save yourself from getting hurt and need to take accurate shots to kill him. Killing him will provide a keycard for the locked vault.

The Yacht for Keycard Location

The Yacht located at the corner of the northeast on the map. There you need to defeat Meowscles mini-boss to get the keycard. Just like The Grotto boss, Meowscles will also take many shots to beat, and he is a great competitor boss. He is located at the main room with his henchmen so defeating all of them at once will make things a little tough to get vault keycard which is at the lower deck.

The Agency for Keycard Location

In the middle of the map, The Agency located, and there Midas boss is available with his henchmen. Most of the time boss present at the main buildings alongside henchmen. Before defeating the boss, you need to kill henchmen also. But if you avoid them, then you need to kill Midas as soon as possible. After killing the boss and acquiring the keycard, you need to go to the basement to look for the vault.

Julia Robert is a creative person who has been writing blogs and articles about cyber security. She writes about the latest updates regarding McAfee.com/activate and how it can improve the work experience of users. Her articles have been published in many popular e-magazines, blogs and websites.

Source: Fortnite Chapter

[gabrielmanagement]

Gabriel Management presents the new High Roller Records releases: Manilla Road "Mystification" and "The Deluge" - new LP pressings out on August 18, 2017 The legends of Heavy Metal? Godfathers of Epic Metal? Manilla Road doesn't really need an introduction, as if you are serious about Metal, then you either have a bunch of their albums in your collection, or you at least have to know the band, asthey recently celebrate their 40th anniversary. "The Deluge" was a very important album in the history of the mighty Manilla Road. Mark "The Shark" Shelton travels back in time: "It was, at the time of its release, the most intricate and complex project that Manilla Road had ever done. The production was better than any of our previous releases and the musicianship was also". With "Crystal Logic", "Open the Gates" and "The Deluge" Manilla Road had released three mighty fine albums in a row. In 1987 “Mystification” followed. It might appear that this album was heavily influenced by thrash metal, somehow a true product of its time. "We were always on a conquest to get heavier and faster but I was listening to really heavy and even some thrash music at the time", confesses The Shark. Listen: https://soundcloud.com/high-roller-records-2/manilla-road-hammer-of-the-witches-official Listen: https://soundcloud.com/high-roller-records-2/manilla-road-death-by-the-hammer-official

More information: www.hrrecords.de and www.gabrielmanagement.eu

[timsim26]

NHL Playoffs - 2017

Above are my predictions for the playoffs for the NHL 16-17 season. After a remarkable break out campaign from Connor McDavid, an amazing Columbus Blue Jackets coming out party and the many other wonderful stories that the NHL annually provides, it comes down to the best sporting time of the year. The moment, that every one of the 16 teams looks ahead at the next two months, hoping that they will write themselves into the history books forever. Whether it be an incredible overtime goal, a remarkable team effort, a bone crunching hit or a literal bone breaking shot block, the playoffs are where the players earn their money, glory and reputation. I really think that this year is as wide open as last year’s campaign and the Penguins and Sharks highlighted that, coming out of no where to battle it out in an epic fashion. 

Overall Winner - Washington Capitals

This is the year that Alex Ovechkin and his star studded lineup take it all the way and raise the Cup. Ovechkin is still the man that everyone fears when you play the Capitals, however in the past 2 seasons, teamwork and role players have definitely been a major reason as to why the Caps are back to back President’s Trophy winners. Ovechkin had his second lowest scoring output of his career (excluding the 48 game lockout season) and far fewer shots, shot attempts and his second lowest career shooting percentage. You would expect his team to take a dip, however the Capitals are stacked with offensive and defensive weapons. 15 players scored 10 or more goals this season including a career high 33 from T.J Oshie and a monster 86 point season from Nicklas Backstrom. Braden Holtby had his third Vezina like season in a row (more on him later) and the Capitals bolster 4 defenseman that had 30 points or more. This has to be the year. They have the depth in every department and Barry Trotz needs to find a way to unleash the regular season Ovechkin who has had on 10 playoff goals in a single campaign. He needs to show up and the Caps need to find a way to get passed the second round. With a potential match up against the Penguins, the going will be tough, but if any Caps team is going to win, it is this one. 

Biggest Potential Surprise - Columbus Blue Jackets

Now that it is April and the big names of Chicago, Pittsburgh, Anaheim and Washington are being thrown around as cup favourites, people have seemingly forgotten that Columbus did not lose in the entire month of December. To be fair the Jackets are playing their worst hockey of the season at the worst possible time, however they have an unbelievable team and the talent to make some noise. Ever since their remarkable run they have been a respectable 23-19-4 to finish 50-24-8. While the recent stretch might not sound impressive, remember this is a team that last year went 34-40-8 last season. They have had impressive resilience and are now bolstering the talent required to make a move in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Led by a returned to form Foligno and leading scorer Cam Atkinson, the Blue Jackets have a lot of offensive depth. 12 players with 10 or more goals and 8 players with over 40 points gives you lots of scoring depth. Zach Werenski, David Savard and Seth Jones lead an very talented and youthful Defense that can score and put the hammer down on opposing offensive players (Can you imagine if pick number 2 Ryan Murray stepped up as well). With all this talent up front and down back, you can’t forget the performance of goaltender Sergei Bobrovsky. Bobrovsky had a career best 2.06 GAA (led the league) a matching career best save percentage of .932 (led the league), a career best 7 shutouts (= third in the league) and a career best 41 wins (third in the league). An absolutely remarkable season by a now reliable and dominant goalie. The Blue Jackets definitely have a test with the reigning champs in the first round, but if they do get passed them, be prepared for them to have a huge post season. 

Biggest Potential Flop - Minnesota Wild

I love the Wild and they have a number of players that are very talented, however I feel they do not bring anything special that wins you a playoff series. They have a quality defense, a quality offense and a fantastic season from Devan Dubynk, however when you think of their team everyone that has had a good season is doing it in an under the radar fashion. They are a great team and after years of playoff failures, many expect them to go on and make the finals (in fact they are commonly the 4th favourite team to win according to Odds Shark and 6th favourite according to the Westgate Las Vegas Superbook). The problem in the past has been the Chicago Blackhawks and once again I expect that to be a huge problem for the under powered Wild. The Wild relied on a reformed Eric Staal, an aging defensive core and a breakout season from Granlund who scored 26 goals. In the prior 4 seasons of Grandlund’s career he had only scored 31 goals combined, so until he can bring it in the playoffs I remain hesitant to say he is the difference maker against a stacked Chicago team which still has the core 4 together of Seabrook, Keith, Kane and Toews. I expect another early exit for the Wild who must be cursing Chicago’s existence. 

Player to Watch - Connor McDavid

This is an absolute no brainer. McDavid at 20 years of age became the Art Ross winner (likely Hart winner as the MVP) with 100 points. He ended the year with a 14 game point streak and since the beginning of 2017 has only had 5 games without scoring at least 1 point. The kid is an absolute beast and with 70 assists makes everyone him that much better. Maroon, Lucic and Draisaitl have experienced this first hand with 2 of the 3 having career seasons. He is also dynamic in turning defensive opportunities into break aways. He has scored so many break away goals/set up 2 on 1 goals due to his ability to read the play and also is incredible speed up and down the ice. It is his first experience with NHL playoff hockey and he has taken a team back to the playoffs for the first time since 2006. A big, rough and tumble team that can score goals with an impressive young goalie is definitely a good mix when you add in a 20 year old coming off a 100 point season. Expect the kid to make an impact against the Sharks straight away. Oh also, McDavid has enjoyed making the Sharks look like a joke with 4 goals and 4 assists in 5 games this season, which marked his best output against any team this season. 

Make or Break Season - San Jose Sharks

Speaking of the Sharks, boy are they in for a challenge. A team renowned for choking and terrible output in the most crucial times, showed everyone just how much fight they had last season. Knocking off a very good Kings in 5, pulling out a clutch game 7 against a feisty Predators team and then blowing away the Blues after losing game 1. They were completely outclassed when it mattered most, but fought and fought right to the bitter end (Pavelski is probably still having nightmares about this miss). Now this is the year where I firmly believe their window will is well and truly close behind them when they eliminated. Compared with their opponent, the Sharks are much older and much more banged up. The Oilers are coming in with their full lineup, while the Sharks are surrounded by the Joe Thornton and Logan Couture injury cloud. You take the top 2 centers from any team and they look very shaky regardless of who they are (Imagine if this was McDavid and Nugent-Hopkins from the Oilers missing). What is the most troubling for the Sharks is they have key players that are aging/or unrestricted free agents. The core of Marleau (37), Joe Thornton (37), Joe Pavelski (32), Brent Burns (32), Paul Martin (36), Marc-Edouard Vlasic (30) and Joel Ward (36) are definitely a troubling sign for the Sharks. Especially when Marleau and Thornton are unrestricted and rumours suggest either Martin or Dillon will be scooped up by Las Vegas and the expansion draft. This may well and truly be the end of the San Jose Sharks as we know them. While this isn’t a bad thing, it just means that while Meier, Donskoi, Labanc and O’Regan are developing, guys like Burns and Pavelski will be wasted. Who knows, I could be wrong and these guys develop quickly and Doug Wilson can replace these leaving bodies with talent, but the future looks bleak. Many, many fans will tell you last year was the only chance this team had and it looks grim for the Sharks with the current injuries, lack of home ice and first round opponent. If the Sharks do get through the first round, the outcome looks much more promising however, so don’t count them out yet.

Conn Smythe Winner - Braden Holtby

Going along with the Capitals prediction to win, suggests they are going to need an absolutely stellar performance from their goalie. This is the case for every team that wins the Cup Finals. Just look at Matt Murray, Corey Crawford and Jonathan Quick’s efforts from the past few years as an example. If anyone can do it, it’s Braden Holtby. We have seen him put up his third 40 or more win season in a row and he has done so in career best fashion, posting bests in Goals Against, Save Percentage, Shutouts and was rewarded with the Jennings trophy. Holtby is extremely reliable in terms of his decision making and is renowned for making incredible saves to keep his team in games when they really don’t deserve to be. This season he has played less games than 2014-15 and 2015-16 and has the extra rest to carry into the playoffs. If the Capitals finally find their offense in the playoffs and Holtby continues his impressive run of performances, then he is no doubt going to be responsible for the Caps lifting Lord Stanley. He has never faltered for the Capitals in the playoffs, through 46 total games played he has 4 shutouts, a 937 save percent and a ridiculous 1.72 goals against. Statistics such as these and his impressive regular seasons of the past 3 years add up to a Conn Smythe winner if his skaters give him support. 

[itsjustascarecrow]

so. today marks a pretty special occasion for me. today officially marks the 5-year anniversary of the first LA Kings/hockey game i’ve ever been to. on Thursday, April 4th, 2013, my dad and i went to the Kings v. Wild game and saw Justin Williams score one minute and twenty nine seconds into the first period for what would eventually be the game-winning goal, as former Kings backup goaltender Jonathan Bernier posted a shutout.

so i’m making a post to sort of commemorate this achievement(? i guess you can call it that)--5 awesome years of being a hockey fan, and all the amazing games and events and players i’ve seen in these past 5 years.

first i’ll start w/ some totals (that do not include the game i’m going to tonight):

Games:

NHL: LAK (46); SJS (9); COL (5); STL (4); CBJ DAL (3); ANA ARI BOS CHI EDM MIN PIT (2); CAR CGY FLA NSH NYR PHI TBL TOR WSH WPG (1)

2012-13: 6 total (2 regular season, 4 playoff) 2013-14: 9 total (6 regular, 3 playoff) 2014-15: 8 total (all regular) 2015-16: 12 total (1 preseason, 10 regular, 1 playoff) 2016-17: 12 total (2 preseason, 10 regular)*’**

*2017 NHL All-Star Game (not included in total) **includes a non-LAK game (CBJ @ ANA)

AHL: ONT (6); BAK (2); CLE IWA SAR SDG (1)

2015-16: 4 total (2 regular, 2 playoff) 2016-17: 2 total (all regular)

NWHL: BOS NYR (1)

2016-17: 1 (regular)

Goals Scored:

NHL: -Kings: total - 127 by season:  2012-13: 18  2013-14: 28 2014-15: 24 2015-16: 30 2016-17: 27

-Opponent: total - 109 by season: 2012-13: 10 2013-14: 26 2014-15: 16 2015-16: 26 2016-17: 31

**CBJ @ ANA: 4-0 CBJ final score (not included in any above totals)

AHL: -Reign: total - 13 by season: 2015-16: 8 2016-17: 5

-Opponent: total - 9 by season: 2015-16: 8 2016-17: 1

NWHL: -Pride: total - 4 -Riveters: total - 3

largest amount of goals scored by a single team: 6 (Kings x3, Stars x1) number of shutouts: 9 (includes all leagues: Kings x4, Sharks x1, Penguins x1, Blue Jackets x1, Condors x1, Reign x1)

Wins vs. Losses:

NHL: Kings: 26 Opponent: 20 by season: 2012-13: 5-1 2013-14: 5-4 2014-15: 5-3 2015-16: 7-5 2016-17: 4-7**

**does not include CBJ @ ANA

AHL: Reign: 4 Opponent: 2 by season: 2015-16: 2-2 2016-17: 2-0

NWHL: Pride: 1 Opponent: 0

there’s probably a hell of a lot more info number-wise i could put on here, like which individuals we’ve seen score the most for and against each team, etc., but honestly idk if i have the patience to figure that out, lmao. also i’m sure there’s plenty of games we’ve been to where so-and-so or what’s-his-face got a milestone goal/point/game career total but again, can’t be bothered to go back and look it up. for those who may want more info tho, here’s a post i made a while ago that i update regularly w/ all the games i’ve been to w/ a final score and the goal-scorers.

for real tho like. i don’t wanna get all sappy and shit and suddenly turn this post all emotional (just watch me do so anyway) but i honestly cannot express how much this sport means to me. like insert tragic backstory(tm) here and how hockey was what saved me and all that jazz but shit like. i mean yeah this shit’s got it’s ups and downs but at least whenever i get frustrating about personal stuff, i can distract myself w/ a game. or if the game’s pissing me off, at least i’m not focusing on all the shit going on in my personal life. b/c before i started watching, i really.. didn’t have much, kinda?? 

basically i went through a major bought of depression throughout 2012 which sorta peaked in early 2013 w/ stuff i’d rather not discuss here, but if my dad hadn’t taken me to that game 5 years ago, i honestly don’t know if i’d still be around today. i felt like i’d lost a lot. nothing interested me anymore. my favorite band at the time broke up when i felt like i’d already hit rock bottom. i had like no outlet for what little strong emotion i did feel at the time b/c otherwise i just felt empty. but when Justin Williams scored that goal a minute and twenty nine freaking seconds into that game, i knew that was it. that’s what sealed the deal for me. 

i had zero idea what to expect, even w/ my dad giving me a basic rundown of the roster and some basic rules about the game. like we watched the wild warm up (b/c that’s where our seats were) and my dad kept pointing out Zach Parise to me damn-near every time he skated past us b/c he’s a former UND alumni, as is like half my family on my dad’s side, but after a while it was like “okay dad, i get it. Zach Parise. UND. pretty cool,” lmao. and then the game starts and it was so quiet. like i’ve been to like a million high school football games, a good number of pro baseball games, and one pro basketball game, but all of them were.. well a hell of a lot louder, for one. like people were watching the game, but at the same time they weren’t. people in and out of their seats all the time, tons of idle chit-chat, etc. but when that first puck dropped, people sat down and shut up. they watched, like. really watched. and when Williams scored, the utter elation of the entire building (save the wild fans of course), the horn, the “hey hey hey!” chant complete w/ fist-pumping--it was just. i honestly can’t even describe it properly. but what i can say was that it was the first time in a looong time i felt genuinely happy. 

and here i am exactly 5 years later. going back to Staples for my 47th Kings game. and i like to think i’ve seen some pretty wild shit in these past five years. league rule changes that ultimately changed the entire ASG format, amazing players both leaving and joining the league (i.e. Teemu Selanne, Auston Matthews), the 2014 Olympics, a few All-Star games, and a World Cup, the first paid pro women’s league and the U.S. women’s team fight for equitable wages, the first transgender athlete to play pro hockey (i.e. the amazing and inspirational Harrison Browne), a freaking expansion team in Vegas. 

and speaking of Vegas, i went to the first ever hockey games held in the new arena, and while it wasn’t the result we wanted, at least i got to spent two nights in a row in the coolest new arena in town, plus i got to see 3 native players on the ice in one game on the second night vs. the Avalanche, which is probably more than any other team/match-up in this league could boast. and i could not have been more proud.

i was there for Andy Andreoff’s NHL debut where he got into a fight w/ Matt Hendricks in his first shift on the ice. 

i accidentally met Matt Greene’s parents b/c his mom happened to notice my dad was wearing his jersey and asked for a picture. 

i ran into Bob Miller outside Staples and he let me see his 2014 Stanley Cup Championship ring, the same night they raised the banner. 

the first time i saw my next favorite team, the Avalanche, was three years ago on the 2-year anniversary of my first Kings game, and i took @gofredthefish​ along for the ride. 

i stood and cheered and cried for Mike Richards and Justin Williams on their return to LA after both had signed w/ the Capitals. 

i was there to see Jonathan Quick’s epic scorpion kick save against Winnipeg three seasons ago (the night before we drove down to San Deigo so i could catch an Of Mice & Men concern, then drive back to LA the following day so i could catch a flight to Bismarck, ND to visit family for senior year spring break).

i jokingly put a “native curse” San Jose’s bench before warmups back in 2014 during the first round of the playoffs, the night the Kings started their reverse sweep (as well as it being Tyler Toffoli’s 22nd birthday).

the first shootout i ever saw went to the Blues, courtesy of Troy Brouwer’s goal in the 7th round.

sent our 2014 Olympians off on a high note w/ a 2-1 overtime win against the Blue Jackets where Robyn Regehr scored the gwg from right in front of where i was sitting.

went to my first game in Honda Center and the Ducks were gloriously shut out. (i was also one of maybe ten Blue Jackets fans in the entire building.)

saw Dwight King score on Marty Brodeur from the blue line, Alec Martinez score on the Avs twice on the same play, Milan Lucic’s first game in Staples Center as a King, got a video of the signature Nick Foligno/Sergei Bobrovsky Hug(tm)--twice, since they shut out the Ducks that one time, saw the home team get a 3-0 shutout in both my first NHL and AHL games, was there for the Luc Robitaille statue unveiling outside Staples, and stood less than 10 feet away from Cam Atkinson outside Staples before the 2017 ASG. 

i went to a Reign game where they knocked the San Diego Gulls out of the playoffs just a couple of weeks after i was released from the hospital after falling into a diabetic-induced coma (also i had a cold but i’ll be damned if i wasn’t gonna persevere).

i went to two separate You Can Play-sponsored LGBT+ Pride Nights for both the NHL and NWHL--and speaking of which, that particular NWHL Pride Night was my first ever women’s hockey game ever. and Boston kept their “undefeated since last january” record alive and well.

and the one moment that still makes me cry every time i think about it was when i saw Matt Duchene score his first goal of the season in 2015-16 in what would eventually be his first 30-goal season. i was sat in the second row right in front of where he threw himself into the glass in celebration, so i like to think we kinda celly’d together.

but best of all, i got to meet @hockeyacegrace earlier this season on Native American Heritage Night, and took @kylorenedict to the Kings’ opening night against the Flyers to kick off the 50-year anniversary of the First Expansion. and not to mention the many other wonderful friends i’ve made in this fandom, who also include (but are not limited to) @brandoncarlo, @jodrouin27, @sadchihuahua, @elzaechelon, @marianyossa, and @dominic-turgeon​. 

basically just. here’s to 5 gods damned years of selling my soul to this hell on ice. and gods damn it, here’s to 5 more.

[gushingaboutgames]

Yakuza 0

I’m not going to mince words. I fucking love the Yakuza series. With the exception of Yakuza 3, I have played every game in the series that had made its way to the west (yes, even Dead Souls, I like zombie games, shut up). People like to rag on Sega, saying they’re a shit company because their recent Sonic games are a parade of crap, a sentiment that does have some merit. This is the series I hold up as an example that Sega still has it. I was talking about Yakuza with a good friend of mine, and even though she hasn’t played any of the games, even she recognizes that it’s one of the biggest labors of love in gaming.

(note to self: gotta get TL a Yakuza game sometime in the very near future)

It is thus, with a great deal of joy, that I can say Yakuza 0 is perhaps the best game in the series to date, an exemplar of everything that makes the Yakuza series great.

(A bit of warning beforehand: there may be some minor spoilers for the Yakuza series ahead. I’ll avoid the major spoilers, but nonetheless, proceed with caution.)

The game takes place in late 1988, near the end of a period of Japanese history known as the “Bubble Economy”. After World War II, Japan’s economy was in shambles, but with a bit of help from the US, the Japanese economy made the mother of all economic rebounds and went on to become the second largest industry in the world, overtaking others in engineering and consumer products.

With this economic boom came money. Tons of money. Volumes of money. Japanese citizens had cash to burn as the economic bubble grew to epic proportions. Sadly, the good times would not last: the bubble burst in the 1990′s, and Japan has suffered from a recession that it continues to struggle with to this day.

It is in this time of prosperity that Yakuza 0 begins. Being a prequel, this represents an excellent point for new fans to jump in, as no knowledge of the previous games is necessary (though it enhances the experience, natch).

Yakuza 0 is a tale of two cities, and two gangsters. The first, coming out of the Kamurocho district in Tokyo, is series protagonist Kazuma Kiryu, a fresh-faced 20-year-old underling in the Dojima Family, one of the most influential (and infamous) factions in the criminal syndicate known as the Tojo Clan. One cold December night, Kiryu finishes shaking down some poor schmuck in debt to a loan shark, then meets up with his best friend and blood brother Akira Nishikiyama for a night out on the town, drinking and singing karaoke before hitting up a cozy little ramen shop.

The fun times come to an abrupt halt when a news bulletin breaks: there’s been a murder in Kamurocho! What makes this different from the other gang-related violence in the city is the fact that the deceased was the same person Kiryu shook down mere hours earlier! Worse still, the body was found on an empty lot in the center of a redevelopment project that the Tojo Clan has been eyeing for quite a while: a dead body and police investigation keeps them from getting their hands on it, and that makes the leadership in the Tojo Clan very cranky.

Not helping matters is a conspiracy among the top brass in the Tojo Clan to usurp the position of the clan’s captain, held by Kiryu’s sponsor and father-figure Shintaro Kazama. If Kiryu was responsible for the murder, it would reflect poorly on Kazama. As a result, the clan’s lieutenants are gunning to have Kiryu take the fall for the murder he did not commit. It’s a race against time as Kiryu tries desperately to clear his name and keep himself and Kazama out of the Tojo Clan’s crosshairs.

Meanwhile, in Sotenbori, Osaka, we have Goro Majima, a 24-year-old gangster from back before he went off the deep end and became a nutjob. He’s living the dream, managing a successful cabaret and raking in dough like a baker in a neon-lit bakery. It is not his dream that he is living, however, for Sotenbori is actually little more than a gilded cage to Majima.

A few years prior, Majima conspired with his sworn brother Taiga Saejima to take down the leaders of one of the Tojo Clan’s rivals. A Tojo Clan higher-up didn’t take this well, and detained Majima while Saejima took the fall and was sentenced to death row. For his trouble, Majima lost his left eye, was exiled from the Tojo and given over to Osaka’s Omi Alliance, where he was tortured for a year before being released on a heavily-supervised work release program, managing the afformentioned cabaret to make enough money to essentially buy his way back into the Tojo.

Eventually, however, a shortcut presents itself: Majima’s handler is willing to put a good word in for him if he is willing to carry out a little bit of wetwork, an assassination. One life in exchange for a ticket back into the Tojo Clan? How hard can it be?

When he realizes his target is actually a defenseless blind woman, though, he hesitates. Does he have it in him to take her life? Is he prepared to face the consequences for not carrying through with the assassination? Can he find some way out of this quandary with his life, and his sanity?

The stories of the Yakuza series have never been anything less than solid. I can’t really talk about it without spoiling it, but it will tug at your heartstrings and keep you on the edge of your seat.

The visuals of Yakuza 0 are a treat, as well: the cities of Kamurocho and Sotenbori look amazing on the PS4, both of them neon-lit playgrounds with a gritty, dingy feel to them. While the graphics may not always be perfect (some textures are a bit blurry and many NPC models look a bit jagged and antiquated), they are never painful to look at. The sound department is no slouch either, with music that is a joy to listen to and voice acting that is always on point.

Of course, a game that looks and sounds good would not be worth a damn if it wasn’t fun to play. Thankfully, Yakuza 0 exemplifies fun.

Kamurocho and Sotenbori are brimming with things to do and sidequests to complete. These substories, distinct from the game’s main plot, are always a treat to engage in, featuring bizarre stories and characters that contrast with the campaign’s hard-hitting crime drama. To name a few examples:

-Kiryu meets a yanki band (a mix of punk rock and ‘50s greaser fashion) who are much too mild-mannered, and must teach them how to be hardcore to impress their fans.

-Kiryu gets swept up pretending to be a TV producer after the real producer was chased off by an overbearing director.

-Kiryu volunteers to help a young boy buy a dirty magazine from a vending machine.

-Majima volunteers to play a pretend boyfriend for a young woman who is tired of her father trying to arrange her marriage.

-Majima must infiltrate a Scientology-inspired cult to rescue a woman’s brainwashed daughter.

-Majima has to help a high school student retrieve his pants from a bully, who turns out to be Yakuza 2′s Ryuji Goda back when he was in grade school.

There are dozens more, but all of them are fun to partake in.

Those sidequests, as well as simply walking the mean streets, may lead to getting into a brawl with some unsavory characters, and combat has thankfully always been one of Yakuza’s strongest points. This remains true in Yakuza 0, which features challenging battles against gangsters and thugs. Each character has three fighting styles they can switch between on the fly: Kiryu has a balanced “Brawler” style, a fast-paced “Rush” boxing style, and a slow but powerful “Beast” style that weaponizes anything not bolted to the ground. Meanwhile, Majima has the deadly “Thug” style, a baseball bat-centric “Slugger” style, and an insane multi-hitting super-stylish “Breaker” style (my personal favorite). Each style has its own strengths and weaknesses, but all of them are practical and fun to use. All of them also have their own unique “Heat” moves that are absolutely brutal, but satisfying to pull of.

In line with the game’s theme of economic prosperity, enemies practically bleed money when you batter them: it’s not unheard of to rake in at least a cool few hundred Gs in per fight. You’re gonna need that cash, too: there is no experience points or levels in Yakuza 0. Instead, you purchase upgrades for your fighting styles, and they get expensive as you make your way through each skill tree, with the highest upgrades costing hundreds of millions of yen, if not billions.

This, of course, means you’ll need to find ways to make money beyond simply beating it out of street punks. One way is by finding and helping citizens being harassed by bad guys. Helping them out gets you high quality items, some of which you can sell at pawn shops for wads of cash. Another is by challenging Mr. Shakedown, a burly buster who wonders the streets shaking down anyone who crosses him. Losing to him means you will lose all of your cash, but if you can beat him, you’ll earn a metric fuckton of money (including any money you lost to him before).

About halfway through the game, you also get a chance to engage in side businesses to further pad your wallet. Kiryu becomes the leader of a real estate agency, and is tasked with purchasing properties and collecting their profits while hiring managers to maximize their profits and security to ensure business goes smoothly. Majima, meanwhile, becomes the manager of a cabaret club, a mainstay of previous Yakuza games, but not as ubiquitous in the 80s as in later in the series chronology. Here, Majima must train hostesses and keep up with customer demands to make a profit. While Majima’s business venture doesn’t have the raw money output as Kiryu’s, it is more engaging and fun. That’s not to say Kiryu’s real estate business is without merit: there is a fair amount of strategy involved in hiring the right people to maximize profits.

All work and no play makes for dull gangsters, though. Thankfully, this is where another large strength of the Yakuza series comes into play: minigames! There is no shortage of ways to burn your money.

There are arcades in Sotenbori and Kamurocho, and they have classic Sega arcade games on display. My inner 12-year-old reveled at the chance to play Space Harrier again since Shenmue, with OutRun also taking more than its fair share of my money. Completing certain sidequests also unlocks Super Hang-On and Fantasy Zone, so there is variety as far as retro gaming goes.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. One new attraction for Kiryu is the telephone club, a unique dating service in Japan. The game plays out similar to an arcade shooter, where Kiryu must hold the girl’s attention by aiming at and hitting the proper phrases to increase her affection and ultimately ask her out. It’s a lot harder than it sounds: the correct phrases are often hard to hit, and until you get some practice, you’ll often end up accidentally asking girls about their baby ferrets rather than their best features.

Another unique outfit in Kamurocho is an underground women’s wrestling ring, where you can bet money on the outcome of fights between buxom battlers. The battles play out like rock-paper-scissors, and are high-risk high-reward.

There are also disco clubs, which feature a rhythm/puzzle game where you have to move an avatar on a dance floor before moving them over spaces with a face button on it. Again, not as easy as it sounds, but still very fun, and the music is a treat to listen to.

Finally, among the new attractions is “Pocket Circuit”, a slot car racing tournament wherein you can customize your own little race car and race for prizes and fame. There are tons of parts to use, some purchased from stores, others found in the world.

Aside from those, there are many other mainstays of the series that return and are still fun to play: karaoke, gambling, underground fighting tournaments, fishing, darts, pool, and so on. You will never be lacking in ways to amuse yourself.

My love of the Yakuza series, and Yakuza 0 in particular, cannot be overstated. I recommend this game to everyone, series veterans and newcomers alike, action game fans, Japanese game fans, and anyone who enjoys good stories, good gameplay, and fun in general.