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caepaecaesurae · 7 years

Text

> CC + PC: Talk

> Cronus: Do the high equivalent of drunktexting

caepaecaesurae look, im sorry about y aec that i have one i mean *face shit i'msorry i'm making a mess of his αντιο σας palteringcecutiency y0u. n33dn'7. 317h3r, 1. wh1ch3v3r y0u 7h1nk n3c3554ry. 1, f33l 17 prud3n7, 70 m3n710n3d 7h47 y0u 4r3 qu173 4ll0w3d 70 h4v3 4 f4c3, 4nd y0ur5 5p3c1f1c4lly. ...1'm gl4d 70 533 y0u 4r0und.

caepaecaesurae but its mine palteringcecutiency 17 15, y35. 8u7, 17 15 4lr1gh7? 17 15 4 g00d 0n3, 4nd. 17 d035 n07 m34n wh47 17 d1d. caepaecaesurae but its mine and im the wvorst palteringcecutiency n0, n07 7h3 w0r57. 4nd r3g4rdl355, 1 n0 l0ng3r m1nd 17. caepaecaesurae but wvhy palteringcecutiency ...83c4u53 1 m37 k4nkr1, 4nd h3 h3lp3d m3 g37 p457 7h3 f34r. caepaecaesurae I'm sorry palteringcecutiency 1. c4n'7 54y 17'5 0k4y. 0r 7h47 1, f0rg1v3 y0u, 8u7. 17 m34n5 4 l07 70 h34r 17, fr0m y0u, 4nd 4p0l0gy 4cc3p73d. :) 7h3 5c4l35 4r3 84l4nc3d. 7h15 kn1f3 w1ll n3v3r 533 m00nl1gh7 4g41n, 1 pr0m153. caepaecaesurae are you sure palteringcecutiency y35. 7h47 w45 7h3 4gr33m3n7, 4nd y0u h4v3 g0n3 480v3 4nd 83y0nd. why w0uldn'7 1 83? caepaecaesurae because you dont owve me anything and you nevwer believwe me palteringcecutiency ...1 4m n07 50 8l1nd 70 m155 h0w y0u h4v3 833n 4ff3c73d. 83l13v1ng y0ur w0rd5 15 n07 n3c3554ry, 7h0ugh... 1 d0. 4nd 1 d0, 1 4m n07 50m3 fl4wl355 541n7. y0u w0uld n07 83 50... 5c4r3d, 0f m3, 1f 1 d1dn'7. caepaecaesurae *upset palteringcecutiency *up537 caepaecaesurae i dont know what to say but m glad you met kankri palteringcecutiency ...a5 4m 1. f0r 50 m4ny r3450n5. y0u d0n'7... n33d 70 kn0w, r1gh7 n0w. y0u n33dn'7 w0rry y0ur53lf 0v3r 7h47, 0r m3, 4lr1gh7? 7h47 c4n c0m3 l473r, 1f 17 d035 47 4ll. y0ur r3c0v3ry 5h0uld c0m3 f1r57. caepaecaesurae i'm okay i mean okay, i'm going to be i hope i mean its getting easier nadaya wvill tell you, im getting better palteringcecutiency h3 d035n'7 h4v3 70, 1'v3 533n y0u c0m1ng 84ck 4r0und. y0u'll 4850lu73ly g37 7h3r3. 8u7 1... kn0w, wh47 7h15 15 l1k3, 4nd 7h47 17 74k35 71m3. caepaecaesurae i didnt mean to palteringcecutiency ...1 kn0w. palteringcecutiency y0ur r34c710n 541d 45 much, 4nd... 7h3 w4y y0u... 5p0k3, 480u7 17. caepaecaesurae i dont want o make it wvorse is it bad i'm talking to you? palteringcecutiency n07 0n my h4lf, 17 15n'7. ...4nd wh47 0f y0u? 15. 74lk1ng 70 m3 50m37h1ng y0u w4n7, 0r 50m37h1ng y0u f33l... 08l1g473d, 70 d0? caepaecaesurae wvell theres a lot to talk about if its not bad palteringcecutiency 7h3r3 15, y35. 4... c0n51d3r48l3 4m0un7. 4nd 1... w3lc0m3 17, 1f y0u 4r3 4lr1gh7, d01ng 50. caepaecaesurae > You seriously consider asking for a rain check, so you can talk about those sorts of things Later, when you are more emotionally competent. And biologically competent. > ... however this is going Significantly better than usual, and you can't overrule that. sure palteringcecutiency > Surprisingly, it's going very well on this end as well, save the constant nervousness and worry, but that's a distinctly you problem, or at least your emotions'. ...1f 7h47 ch4ng35, y0u c4n... 83 d157r4c73d, w17h n0 w0rry 0v3r 831ng c4ll3d 0u7. 1'll... und3r574nd. caepaecaesurae are you sure? thats a lot palteringcecutiency y0u'v3... 833n 7hr0ugh 4 l07 4lr34dy. 1 d0 n07 w15h 70 4dd 70 17, 1f 1 c4n h3lp 17.

> Approximately 12-16 hours pass

caepaecaesurae It's appreciated, chief Clear lines of retreat, to regroup, are wvorth their wveight caepaecaesurae .. Thanks for talking wvith me. Sorry I wvas a mess palteringcecutiency ...17 w45 3xp3c73d, 4nd n0 7r0u8l3. 70d4y 15... 83773r, 7h3n? caepaecaesurae Yes. I wvas not in my clearest mind wvhen I elected to message you palteringcecutiency 7h47 c3r741nly... 3xpl41n5 4 f3w 7h1ng5. ...y0u n33dn'7 c0n71nu3, 1f 17 w45... un50und l0g1c 7h47 g07 y0u h3r3. caepaecaesurae It wvent wvell enough I'm debating if I should aim for the same evwery time wve talk palteringcecutiency wh1ch 54m3 1n p4r71cul4r? caepaecaesurae Suddenly hoping you wvon't be annoyed Arlequin brought something ovwer to smoke, and I had an amount palteringcecutiency ...4r3 y0u 1mply1ng y0u 4r3 c0n51d3r1ng g3771ng h1gh 34ch 71m3 y0u w15h 70 5p34k w17h m3? 7h47 533m5 4 70uch... dr4571c. caepaecaesurae It seemed to help I'm not sure wve'vwe evwer had a convwersation that peaceful since evwerything palteringcecutiency ...17 15 f0r y0ur 83n3f17, 7h3n? caepaecaesurae if it keeps my foot out of my mouth I don't knowv chief palteringcecutiency 1f y0u 4r3 53r10u5ly c0n51d3r1ng... 50m37h1ng l1k3 7h47, 70... pr3v3n7, 4ng3r, 7h3n p3rh4p5 u5 5p34k1ng 5h0uld... w417, un71l y0u 4r3 l355... up537. caepaecaesurae And nowv my foot's in my mouth agan... palteringcecutiency n0, 1'm n07 up537. ju57. p01n71ng 0u7... 4n 34513r po55181l17y. Yesterday at 10:32 PM caepaecaesurae ..I wvon't, then caepaecaesurae I'm sorry, I'm scattered still. palteringcecutiency 4nd c4g3y, n3rv0u5. 17'5 f1n3, 4nd 3xp3c73d. 1 ju57. d0 n07 kn0w h0w 70 3453 7h1ng5, 451d3 fr0m r3m1nd1ng y0u 7h47 5p34k1ng 70 m3 15 n07 4 r3qu1r3m3n7, 4nd 7h47 1gn0r1ng m3 w1ll 34rn y0u n0 5c0rn. caepaecaesurae ..Thanks, chief I like the idea of talking wvith you You seem so different palteringcecutiency ...y0u w3r3 n07 7h3 0nly 0n3... 4ff3c73d. Today at 12:21 AM caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. wvill you be going back to normal then? palteringcecutiency ...1 d0n'7 kn0w. 1 4m. v3ry un5ur3 0f... 4ny7h1ng 7h47 c4n 83 c0n51d3r3d... 4f73r. Today at 3:09 AM caepaecaesurae ... It's disorienting, isn't it caepaecaesurae I hope you find your center again, evwen if the lack of hostility is...nice. palteringcecutiency ...fr1gh73n1ng. kn0w1ng 7h3 l4nd5c4p3 0f 7h1ng5, 3v3n ju57 g3n3r4lly, 15... 4 c0mf0r7. 831ng c4ugh7 0ff gu4rd 15... d035 n07 u5u4lly 3nd w3ll. ...1. 17'5 4, 57up1d qu35710n, 0n 7h3 5urf4c3, 8u7... 15 7h47, 50m37h1ng y0u w4n7? caepaecaesurae Being off guard at random is more of a wvay of life to me. It just happens. You adapt, evwentually, as best you can. ...the lack of hostility is vwery reassuring honestly. palteringcecutiency ...1 h4d 7r0u8l3 pr3d1c71ng y0u. 4nd 1 c0uldn'7 pr3d1c7 )(3r. y0u c4n. und3r574nd, why 1 4m n07. f0nd. ...r3g4rdl355 wh47 15 h4pp3n1ng, 1'm n07 g01ng 70 k1ck y0u wh3n y0u'r3 4lr34dy d0wn, cr0nu5. y0u d0n'7 n33d 7h47. y0u d0n'7 d353rv3 7h47. caepaecaesurae Most of the things I can't predict come around to hurt me in the end. I do understand, though if wve wvant to say that it's lesser I wvon't argue otherwvise. WVhat qualifies as dowvn? palteringcecutiency ...7h47 d3p3nd5. m057ly 0n wh47 5p3c1f1c4lly 15 c4u51ng y0u 70 83 45 v4gu3 45 p05518l3, 4nd h0w y0u w1ll r34c7 70 4 l4ck 0f 5uch 1n 4n 4n5w3r. caepaecaesurae VWaguery is a wvay of life I don't admit specifics often palteringcecutiency 1 w45n'7 3xp3c71ng y0u 70, 45 n1c3 45 7h47 w0uld 83, 8u7 y0u'r3 831ng v4gu3 f0r 3v3n y0u, murk1ng 7h3 w473r5 d4rk 3n0ugh 7h47 1 d0n'7... 1 c4nn07 f1nd 7h3m my53lf. caepaecaesurae WVell...being direct wvorked wvhen I wvas high I guess caepaecaesurae ...It hurts, not to be vwague. caepaecaesurae ... I appreciate not being kicked wvhile I'm dowvn. I'm not sure wvhat makes me more 'dowvn' nowv than any other time. palteringcecutiency ...17'5 7h3 54m3 f0r m3. 1'm... n07 f0nd 0f 5pp1ll1ng 53cr375 70 7h053 wh0 c4n u53 7h3m 4g41n57 m3, 8u7. y0u kn0w 4 gr347 d34l 0f m1n3, 5udd3nly. why pr373nd 07h3rw153. ...1'v3 h4d my w0rld r477l3d 8y 7h053 m3m0r135... 0f73n, 4nd 1 4m... u53d 70 7h47, 4f73r 50 m4ny 5w33p5 0f 17. y0u... 4r3 n07. y0u d1d n07 3v3n 533 17 c0m1ng. 17 h17 y0u d33p 3n0ugh 70 8r1ng y0u 70 734r5, f0rg37 wh0 y0u 4r3... l053 5p33ch. 1... h4v3 833n 7h3r3, 700 0f73n, 70 n07 c0n51d3r y0u 'd0wn.' caepaecaesurae ... It's getting better. I'm not sure apologies are conducivwe to convwersation. WVould you prefer I mention them wvhen I get the urge to apologize, or let that go unspoken? palteringcecutiency y0u w0uld n07 83 0n 7h3 d45h 1f y0u w3r3n'7. 4nd... n4d4y4 4nd k4nkr1 h4v3 833n upd471ng m3, 0n r3qu357. ...5p34k 7h3m, pl3453. 1 541d 70 54v3 7h3m un71l 7h3y m34n7 50m37h1ng, 4nd... 7h3y c3r741nly d0 n0w. 1'd. l1k3 70 h34r 7h3m. caepaecaesurae I'm just sorry. I could try and put more wvords into it, but it alwvays sounds like explanations if I try. palteringcecutiency ...y0u h4v3 3xpl41n3d 83f0r3, wh3n w3'v3 5p0k3n pr3v10u5ly. y0ur 1n73n710n5, y0ur g04l5, y0ur... h1gh 574nd4rd5, h0w 17 w45... my 4c710n5, 7h47 m4d3 y0u d0 wh47 y0u d1d. 1 4m. n07 up537, 1f 17 15, 8u7. 15 17 7h47 r04d y0u w15h 70 g0 0v3r, 0r... h4v3 y0u f0und 4 d1ff3r3n7 0n3, w17h 7h15 n3w... p3r5p3c71v3? caepaecaesurae If I find anything that doesn't sound cheap I'll let you knowv. ....and I'll probably be running it past Kankri first. palteringcecutiency ...1'm w1ll1ng 70 5p34k 70 y0u 480u7 7h15, 45... m355y, 45 7h47 w1ll 83, 1n 7h3 83g1nn1ng. ...h3lp, 1f y0u w4n7 17, fr0m m3. 1f n07, k4nkr1 kn0w5 4ll 1 5h4r3d w17h y0u, 4nd n4d4y4... h45 l1v3d 7hr0ugh 51m1l4r. 7h3r3 4r3 pl4c35 70 l34rn 1n. caepaecaesurae It's hard to believwe they forgivwe me. ..I'm not as inclined to push it as I could be. palteringcecutiency ...17 h45 833n. h4rd 70 w47ch 7h3m d0 50. 8u7 7h3y 4r3. d3v073d, 70 y0u, 4nd h4v3 pr0v3n 7h3m53lv35 w1ll1ng 70... 455157 y0u, 1n y0ur 1mpr0v3m3n75, 50 1 d0 n07 533 why 17 w0uld 83 pu5h1ng 4ny7h1ng. caepaecaesurae The strawv that broke the camel's back It feels like they must not understand, and that if they did, they wvould turn. caepaecaesurae Disrupting wvhatevwer is keeping them fond of me is uncomfortable. palteringcecutiency ...cr0nu5. n4d4y4 und3r574nd5. h3 c4ll5 m3 m17un4 83c4u53 h3 c4nn07 8r1ng h1m53lf 70 c4ll m3 p511 n07 0u7 0f h473 8u7 0u7 0f f34r. h3'5 833n 7hr0ugh w0r53 7h4n y0u c0uld 3v3r d15h 0u7. h3 /kn0w5/. 4nd k4nkr1 f0und m3 1n 7h3 8u88l35, dr4gg3d m3 0u7 0f 7h3 r1g 0v3r 4nd 0v3r 4nd 0v3r 4g41n, w47ch3d m3 r3l1v3 y0u 4nd )(3r. h3 kn0w5. 7h3y kn3w fr0m 7h3 83g1nn1ng. 7h3y 571ll ch053 y0u, w3lc0m3d y0u. 17 w1ll 74k3 m0r3 7h4n y0u n071c1ng 700 70 m4k3 7h3m l34v3. 7h3r3 15 n0 d0u87. caepaecaesurae ..I'm trying to remember that. caepaecaesurae ..I deservwe this, so I'm going to try to wveather it. palteringcecutiency ...y0u d353rv3 wh47 w45 g1v3n. y0u n33dn'7 4dd 3x7r4 70 17. caepaecaesurae I hate the things Kurloz and I havwe in common. palteringcecutiency 4n 4nn0y4nc3, fr0m 317h3r 0f y0u. palteringcecutiency 57u880rn 4nd 53lf-r1gh730u5, 1gn0r1ng wh47 15 1n fr0n7 0f 7h3m f0r 50m3 f4n7451c4l m4r7yrd0m 7h47 h45 n07h1ng 70 d0 w17h 7h3 r3l3v4n7 pr08l3m. caepaecaesurae It hurts to be open, mit. WVhy wvould it hurt any less wvith them? palteringcecutiency 83c4u53 7h3y'r3 y0ur qu4dr4n75. w0uld y0u r47h3r 83 0p3n 70 m3? 70 4 57r4ng3r? caepaecaesurae If I ruin things wvith strangers, it doesn't hurt. I'vwe picked up a fewv newv...things... since Kankri gavwe you that list. WVhen you got here. palteringcecutiency ...0h? 1. 455um3 4 f3w 4r3 fr0m... m3, 4nd my 4c710n5. caepaecaesurae It wvas already starting before then That hit a fewv nervwes though palteringcecutiency ...y0u h4v3 4 5p3c1f1c 0n3 1n m1nd, 7h3n, 70 m3n710n h3r3. caepaecaesurae ... Clade make me uneasy. More than strangers. So, yes, I wvould havwe an easier time discussing most things wvith strangers. You hit that one on the head palteringcecutiency ...4h. ...7h3n. wh3r3 d035 50m30n3 l1k3 1 f4ll? 70w4rd5 57r4ng3r, 0r cl4d3? caepaecaesurae I guess it's situational palteringcecutiency 1n 0n3 wh3r3 y0u... w0rk 7hr0ugh 7h15. caepaecaesurae WVorrying that I'm about to ruin evwerything feels like a normal part of talking wvith you so I don't knowv. You're not at either extreme. palteringcecutiency ...7h3n 4 57r4ng3r 50und5 1d34l, 70 4v01d 5uch 4 f33l1ng. caepaecaesurae I spoke wvith Ringleader, some. He helped. palteringcecutiency ...d1d h3? caepaecaesurae He has experience trying to turn his life around, and no real reason to judge me. caepaecaesurae Evwen wvith this, nothing I'vwe done compares to his past, and I don't knowv that guilt is something that registers for him. It leavwes a fewv things out. It's simpler. It's a start. caepaecaesurae He needs to mind his owvn business sometimes, but wvhen I wvas barely talking, he helped lure me out. palteringcecutiency ...1 h4v3 f0und h15... 481l17y, 70 455157... l4ck1ng. palteringcecutiency 8u7. 1f h3 15 wh0 y0u w15h 70 7urn 70, y0u 5h0uld d0 50. caepaecaesurae If you turn to someone too often they aren't a stranger anymore caepaecaesurae Distance is good palteringcecutiency 7h15 5173 15 n07 l4ck1ng 1n f0rm3r 5l4v35. 7h3r3 4r3 07h3r5 70 g0 70, wh3n 7h3 r15k 83c0m35 700 h1gh. palteringcecutiency m057 w1ll 4ppr3c1473 4 f0rm3r 5l4v3r 7ry1ng 70 l34rn fr0m h15... m1574k35. caepaecaesurae They havwe the most reason to judge It's former slavwers, unfortunately, that I'd seek ...but it may just be easier to wvork on my owvn. Nadaya is a light in my heart, and I'm doing better. palteringcecutiency ...y0u 4r3 7h3 0nly 0n3 1 kn0w wh0 3v3n r3m073ly r3gr375. ...1. f34r. y0u w1ll. c0m3 70 7h3. 54m3 c0nclu510n5, y0u d1d 83f0r3, w17h0u7 gu1d4nc3. caepaecaesurae Arlequin regrets a fewv things he's done. He's a bit high stakes in this case. palteringcecutiency ...1f y0u 5p34k 70 h1m 480u7 7h15, 45k f0r p3rm15510n f1r57, fr0m 4 d1574nc3. caepaecaesurae mmn. palteringcecutiency h3 d1d n07 35c4p3 3ff3c7 317h3r. caepaecaesurae If. ...Aye, let's not do that. ..but I'vwe regretted it all for a wvhile, chief. This might be the last nail my beforan side needed to lock awvay the alternian vwiewv, but I don't see my opinions changing because of this. Maybe you didn't believwe I thought it wvas wvrong, maybe I nevwer got around to saying it, maybe I couldn't convwince myself to say it. But it wvas wvrong. I knowv it and I'vwe knowvn it for a wvhil. Nowv I knowv howv wvrong. palteringcecutiency ...why w45 17 wr0ng, 7h3n? caepaecaesurae That's hard to put into wvords. There's slavwery in general, and there's wvhat I did. I wvas abusivwe, wvhich is torture, and not justified against anyone wvho did nothing wvrong. Maybe not then either. caepaecaesurae Leavwing legal issues and gl'bgolyb's diet out of it, I'll go wvith "not justified in general". palteringcecutiency ...p3rh4p5 y0u 5h0uldn'7 74lk 480u7 7h15 70 n4d4y4, 7h3n, 1f 7h15 15 wh47 y0u'v3... d3c1d3d 0n. caepaecaesurae I don't havwe a convwenient wvord like torture to covwer wvhat slavwery wvould be, outside of ... that. I wvant to still use that wvord but I don't knowv. Nadaya's tried to tell me I couldn't possibly offend him, and I almost believwe him. I still...don't...wvant to try. caepaecaesurae ...It's wvrong. If I try to discuss it in any more detail than that, I get caught up in edge cases and it comes out badly. palteringcecutiency ...48u53 15 n07h1ng 4ny0n3 d353r3v3, 3v3r. 5)(3 d035 n07 d353rv3 17. y0u d0 n07. n0 0n3 d035. 5l4v3ry 15 70r7ur3, full 570p. 1f 4ny7h1ng 70 l3550n 7h3 70r7ur3 15 g1v3n, 17 c34535 831ng 5l4v3ry. 7h3r3 4r3 gr3y 4r345 wh3n 17 c0m35 70 wh47 15 48u53 4nd wh47 15n'7, 8u7 7h3y 4r3 l1gh7y34r5 4w4y fr0m 0wn1ng 4 p3r50n l1k3 7h3y w3r3 4 7h1ng. palteringcecutiency y0u w3r3 /k1nd/, cr0nu5. y0u c0uld h4v3 d0n3 much w0r53, 4nd y0u 571ll 5h4773r3d m3. caepaecaesurae I wvas kind Sometimes. I think that's wvorse than being consistant. palteringcecutiency 1 m34n 0v3r4ll, 45 4 5l4v3r. caepaecaesurae ...Fair. I'll accept that slavwery is tortue. palteringcecutiency ...th15 15 why 1 d0 n07 f33l c0nf1d3n7 w17h y0u 5u551ng 7h15 0u7 0n y0ur 0wn. y0u l1v3d 7hr0ugh 50m30n3 8r34k1ng y0ur ch1ldh00d, d357r0y1ng y0ur 53lf w0r7h, 4nd y0u 0nly /acc3p7/ 7h47 5l4v3ry 15 70r7ur3. palteringcecutiency 45 1f 17 15 4 d3b473 wh37h3r 0r n07 1 w45 8r0k3n 8y 17. caepaecaesurae Your upbringing wvas torture But wvas it the fault of slavwery, for putting us in that situation, or me, for doing things that wvere wvrong? It puts people in that situation, and therefore can't be trusted palteringcecutiency 7h3 3mp1r3'5, f0r 73ach1ng y0u 7h47 1 w45n'7 w0r7hy 0f p3r50nh00d. 5l4v3ry, f0r m4k1ng 74k1ng 7h47 4w4y pr0f1748l3. caepaecaesurae I didn't think anyone had choices about wvhat they wvere to do wvith their livwes palteringcecutiency 7h3 3mp1r3 ru1n3d u5 4ll, cr0nu5, 8u7 y0ur h4nd5 4r3 n07 cl34n. g1v3n p0w3r, y0u c4n l00k 47 4 50881ng ch1ld 4nd 8l4m3 7h3m f0r y0u 8r34k1ng 7h31r f4c3, 4nd 5l33p cl34nly 7hr0ugh 7h3 d4y. 5l4v3ry 15 wr0ng 83c4u53 17 g1v35 p30pl3 l1k3 y0u 0pp0r7un17135 4nd p475 y0u 0n 7h3 84ck wh3n y0u 74k3 7h3m. palteringcecutiency 1n5734d 0f pr073c71ng 7h3 w34k fr0m 7h3m. 1 4m. 1 4m n07 4ngry 47 y0u. caepaecaesurae ..damn, a message didn't send. I'd like to add that I realise I had far more choices than most. palteringcecutiency ...y0u d1d, y35. caepaecaesurae ..I should not havwe powver or control. This equality thing is better in literally evwery wvay. palteringcecutiency ...7h3r3 4r3 m4ny, wh0 5h0uldn'7. kurl0z 5h0uldn'7, 1 5h0uldn'7, k4nkr1 5h0uldn'7, 4ll f0r d1ff3r3n7 r3450n5. 8u7 y35, 7h47 15 4 w4y 4r0und 17. caepaecaesurae I can't think of anyone wvho should havwe That control. palteringcecutiency 83c4u53 7h3r3 15 n0 0n3. 7h3y c0uld 7r347 50m30n3 p3rf3c7ly, 8u7 1n 7h3 3nd, y0u'r3 571ll 73ll1ng 4 p3r50n 7h47 7h3y 4r3n'7 0n3, 4nd 7h47 y0u kn0w 83773r 7h3n 7h3y 3v3r w1ll, 50 y0u mu57 083y, 0r 3l53. palteringcecutiency ...0n 83f0ru5, 1 g07 7h47, 7h0ugh 1 w45 m0r3 fr33 70 und3rm1n3 17 4nd fl33 f0r 4 71m3, 8u7. 1 w45 7r3473d l1k3 1 w45n'7 48l3 70 d3c1d3 4ny7h1ng f0r my53lf, 17 w45 74k3n 4w4y fr0m m3 wh1l3 1 w45 1gn0r3d. ...17 571ll fuck3d m3 up. 1 8r0k3 y0ur f4c3 0v3r 17 h3r3. caepaecaesurae I try to leavwe you as many choices as I can palteringcecutiency ...17 15 4ppr3c1473d. ...4nd 1 4m 7ry1ng 70 d0 7h3 54m3 1n r37urn. caepaecaesurae Also appreciated palteringcecutiency ...y0u 5h0uld kn0w 7h47 r1ngl34d3r pr355ur3d m3 1n70 8r34k1ng 7h47, 70 54715fy h15 0wn 3m0710n4l d3m4nd5. 1 70ld h1m 70 57uff 17, 0f c0ur53, 8u7. d1574nc3 fr0m h1m m4y 83... 4dv1548l3. caepaecaesurae He needs to leavwe you alone caepaecaesurae I can handle him, he's actually intimidated by me if I put my foot dowvn, wvhich is.. I'm not sure howv to feel about that anymore. ...but I'd rather he left you be. If he's evwer fool enough to try again, accuse him of an ashen crush. He'll fluster and run. He can't evwen handle the implication. palteringcecutiency 1f h3'5 f00l 3n0ugh 70 7ry 4g41n, h3'll h4v3 m0r3 7h4n 4n 4ccu54710n 70 d34l w17h, 4nd n07h1ng 1 c4n d0 70 570p 17. caepaecaesurae Yikes. Do I wvant to knowv? palteringcecutiency ...17 w45n'7 4 807h3r, 7h0ugh. h3 w45 4 gru8 7hr0w1ng 4 74n7rum 47 w0r57. caepaecaesurae He is that, generally. palteringcecutiency 4h, w3ll, 5p4rk5 4nd n4d4y4 d3c1d3d h15 f1r57 c0nv3r54710n w17h m3, 4nd 7h3 4n0n, w3r3 h4rr455m3n7, 7h0ugh my 0nly 08j3c710n w45 wh47 h3 r3v34l3d 480u7 y0u, 4nd... 70ld h1m 45 much. palteringcecutiency 7h3 53c0nd w45 f1n3 un71l h3 d3m4nd3d 1 f0rc3 my h3lp up0n y0u, 7h3n l4ugh3d 480u7 h15 7r347m3n7 0f y0u 831ng f1n3 83c4u53 y0u 70l3r473d 17. ...4nd 1 m4y h4v3 m3n710n3d 17 70 k4nkr1. caepaecaesurae tsk That explains wvhy Kankri told him to leavwe me be palteringcecutiency 70 54y h3 w45 4ngry w45 4n und3r57473m37. ...1 c4nn07 54y 1 w45n'7 317h3r. caepaecaesurae I wvish Kankri had told me directly, his anger is a rare treat to observwe palteringcecutiency 45k h1m 70 5h4r3 h15 c0nv3r54710n w17h r1ngl34d3r. 17'5 qu173 l0v3ly. c: palteringcecutiency ...7h47 w45 7h3 n1gh7 h3 f1r57 c4m3 up h3r3, 50 1. d0 n07 kn0w 1f y0u w0uld h4v3 g0773n 4 gl1mp53 r3g4rdl355. caepaecaesurae I wvas occupied as I recall palteringcecutiency ...my m00d plumm3773d 4nd 1 h4d, 4. m1n0r 8r34kd0wn, 1n 0ur w1nd0w, 4nd 1 c0uld n07 c0nv1nc3 h1m 70 574y w17h y0u. 1'd hop3d kurl0z 47 l3457 w0uld 74k3 50m3 0f h15 pl4c3. caepaecaesurae ..ah. I'm sorry, chief. palteringcecutiency 1'm 50rry. caepaecaesurae Aye, Kurloz helped palteringcecutiency ...1'm gl4d f0r 7h47, 47 l3457. caepaecaesurae I misread wvhich 'he' you meant, I thought you meant a night earlier palteringcecutiency ...wh47 h4pp3n3d? caepaecaesurae The first twvo nights I wvas less social. I think Kankri vwisited you on night three or four, wvhich wvere better. palteringcecutiency ...4h. y35, 1. w45... 51m1l4r. 1 l37 p30pl3 kn0w y0u w3r3... 0ccup13d, and... w45 0nl1n3 70... d34l w17h 7h47 0nly. ...1 g07 4 gr347 d34l 0f c0nc3rn f0r m3, 1n5734d. caepaecaesurae I sawv the post A fewv people messaged me in concern Ovwer the fewv days palteringcecutiency ...1'm 50rry, 1 w45 7ry1ng 70 4v01d 7h47. caepaecaesurae Half of them knewv something wvas coming, though I hadn't told them wvhat wve wvere planning specifically palteringcecutiency ...1 g07 my f41r 5h4r3 0f up537 0v3r k33p1ng 17 fr0m... 3v3ry0n3. caepaecaesurae I think people are used to it from me palteringcecutiency ...7h3y w4n73d 70 h3lp, 83f0r3h4nd, 4nd... 1 d1d n07 l37 7h3m, f0r f34r 0f... m4ny 7h1ng5. caepaecaesurae I hope they helped after palteringcecutiency ...7h3y d1d. m0r3 7h4n 1... 83l13v3d, 7h3y w0uld. 1. 17 533m5. 7h47 7h3y c4n. p1ck. 807h. caepaecaesurae apparently they are inclined to caepaecaesurae You deservwe a better life palteringcecutiency 4ggr351v3ly 50. 1. d0 n07. 7h3y. 1'v3. 833n 70ld. 17'5. 833n l1k3 7h15. 4nd w1ll 574y. 1. 17'5. 1'm. wh3n 1. 541d. 1 d1dn'7. kn0w. wh47. w0uld c0m3, '4f73r,' 1. n07h1ng, 1 7h0ugh7, w0uld h4pp3n, d1d. 1'm l057. 1, h4v3 n0 pl4n. 1 d0n'7, kn0w wh47 1 d353rv3. 1. ...d0n'7 kn0w 4ny7h1ng, 4nym0r3. caepaecaesurae wvell... Pick wvhat you wvant to be true, and check if it is? caepaecaesurae If it is, you wvin. If it isn't, you get disappointed, and you knowv howv to handle that, so you also wvin. Either wvay, you gain information. ... Is that too simple to wvork? palteringcecutiency ...n0, 17'5. 17'5 n07. y0u'r3 n07. 7h3 f1r57. 70 54y 17. 8u7. 17'5. 1. d0 n07 l1k3. 7h3 p1c7ur3, wh47 1 h4v3 50 f4r, h45. p41n73d. 1. d0 n07 w15h 70. d0u87 /m0r3/. 0r my53lf. 17'5. fr1gh73n1ng. caepaecaesurae ... I givwe up and trust people sometimes, evwen wvhen my pan is yelling at me that there's a trap around the corner, that they're going to hurt or hate me, that I'm going to ruin it and lose evwerything. I gavwe up. I don't understand anything. I muddle through. I do wvhat I think wvhen I think I knowv wvhat's going on, and I just pick someone to trust wvhen I don't. Quadrants are usually right. palteringcecutiency ...17 15. h4rd, f0r m3 70 7ru57, l1k3 7h47. 8u7. ...34513r, 4f73r 7h15. caepaecaesurae If it's any easier, then this wvas wvorth it. palteringcecutiency ...15 17? caepaecaesurae Nothing else wvas helping wvas it? palteringcecutiency ...y0u. d1d 7h15, 70... h3lp? h3lp m3? caepaecaesurae I'd really like for you to be alright somenight ..wvhat else is justice supposed to be for? palteringcecutiency 1. 7h47'5. 17'5. 17'5 50m37h1ng h1gh8l00d5 p47 7h3m53lv35 0n 7h3 5h0uld3r w17h, 7h15. w45 f0r y0u? y0u w4n73d 17. y0u w4173d f0r 17. caepaecaesurae > ..his heart and stomach were starting to hurt, and his head was getting fuzzy, so Caesurae elected to go to the bathroom and hide in there for a bit. caepaecaesurae > If he corrected Mituna would it ruin things again? More? Or would it be fine? > He couldn't find an answer, so he didn't reply. palteringcecutiency > You know you said that he could run, and you'd let him go. You meant that, okay? You truly did. But. You were frazzled, scattered, questioning everything again. This had been mentioned before, as a motivation of his, and you brushed it aside, knowing the truth, and here you are, wrong yet again. Extenuating circumstances, alright? You can apologize when you feel sane again. caepaecaesurae > It had been nearly a day since his last cry break, he was probably due. palteringcecutiency 1 ju57. w4n73d, 70 h3lp. m4k3 y0u l355. 5c4r3d, 0f m3, 50 y0u c0uld... 4c7, m0r3 fr33ly. g1v3 y0u cl05ur3. m4k3 7h1ng5... m0v3, 4g41n. palteringcecutiency 1'm 50rry. caepaecaesurae > Mituna would be waiting a while for his response. palteringcecutiency> That's okay, you can wait, it'll give you time to cry too.> Emotions are bullshit, and you still hate them.

#ooc eyes only #palteringcecutiency #abuse ment//#slavery ment//#It is these two you know what you are in for #drugs/

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caepaecaesurae · 8 years

Text

> Cae : Accidentally unblock...yourself?

Wednesday at 8:02 PM palteringcecutiency Is ther3 any chance you will 7ell me how you made me un8lock you if 1 ask? caepaecaesurae > A moment passes, and then a weird little grey line of text appears just above the text entry box. 'You cannot send messages to users you have blocked.' apparently. Although the message definitely Sent... > Caesurae, for his part, startles and then tries to type things back, and is met by a similar prompt about being blocked. His fins pin.

palteringcecutiency > ...wh47 7h3 4850lu73 fuck 15 7h47. H3 w45 n07 8l0ck3d, y0u ju57 ch3ck3d. 4r3 y0u fuck1ng l051ng y0ur m1nd?? > Ch3ck 7h3 d45h. ...y35, h15 p0575 4r3 g0n3. Wh47 7h3 /fuck/. > Ch3ck y0ur 8l0ck l157?? 3v3n 7h0ugh y0u'd ju57 ch3ck3d 17???? > ... > H3'5 fuck1ng 0n 17 4g41n. > Fuck. > Un8l0ck h1m 4g41n, 50 y0u c4n m3554g3 h1m, 4nd d0n'7 74k3 d01ng y0ur 0wn 57yl3 0f 8l0ck1ng 0f 7h3 748l3. palteringcecutiency Wh473v3r y0u'r3 d01ng, 570p. caepaecaesurae > What? The text disappeared. Uh. Shit, he's back. ... I'm sorry, it wvasn't intentional. I ... forgot I wvas blocked. I'll... get a real computer and blog wvithout hope powvers around. As..soon as you're done messaging me. palteringcecutiency F4n74571c. 834u71ful. G00d 70 fuck1ng kn0w. N3x7 71m3 1 8l0ck y0u, 1'm 4dd1ng 50m37h1ng 3x7r4 50 y0u g37 fuck1ng r3m1nd3d. Y0u'v3 b33n fuck1ng w4rn3d. caepaecaesurae > God, how can you apologize without making him think you've done something more than you have... > ... Fin pinning time. I'm sorry. caepaecaesurae Please don't. I wvon't touch tumblr wvithout muting the hope shit again. palteringcecutiency 17'5 n07 l1k3 1 g37 4 fuck1ng /ch01c3/ 4mp0r4! Y0u c4n ju57 g37 4r0und wh473v3r 3l3c7r0n1c d00r5 1 pu7 up wh3n3v3r y0u w4n7! caepaecaesurae Sparks could probably put some sort of security filter that stops me from doing that up. palteringcecutiency 4nd wh47 h4pp3n5 wh3n y0u /w4n7/ 70. Wh3n y0u w4n7 7h3 l457 w0rd 0r wh473v3r. 0r 50m30n3 c0m35 cry1ng 70 y0u 480u7 h0w unf41r 17 15 7h47 1 8l0ck3d 7h3m?? Wh47 7h3n. caepaecaesurae Let's get sparks to patch this. palteringcecutiency 5ur3. F1n3. Wh473v3r. caepaecaesurae He can fix the netwvork wvithout making terrible things happen to my computer. He wvon't wvant me doing anything wveird either, and he can handle the magic bits. palteringcecutiency 0r y0u c0uld ju57 fuck1ng r3m3m83r, 8u7 7h47'5 4pp4r3n7ly 700 much 70 45k. caepaecaesurae wvell...apparently It'll help me remember and then you wvon't havwe to deal wvith me. palteringcecutiency D0n'7 w0rry, 1 d1dn'7 3xp3c7 4ny7h1ng r3450n48l3 fr0m y0u, 1 fuck1ng kn0w 83773r. palteringcecutiency C4rry 0n, g0 d0 wh473v3r y0u w3r3 d01ng, 1'll ju57 fuck1ng /4d4p7/ l1k3 1 4lw4y5 d0. caepaecaesurae Please block me again. I'll talk to Sparks about sealing this up so I can't do this anymore. palteringcecutiency Why 807h3r. 1'd 4lr34dy c0n51d3r3d un8l0ck1ng y0u 83f0r3 1 f0und 0u7 17'5 l173r4lly p01n7l355 70 7ry 70 k33p y0u 8l0ck3d, 50 why pu7 1n 7h3 3ff0r7. 17'5 n07h1ng /n3w/. caepaecaesurae At least then if I evwer bothered you you'd havwe an excuse to take me to task. ... I missed you. I hope your wveek's been as wvell as you could manage. I'm sorry I havwen't been helpful. palteringcecutiency 0h y35, d3f1n173ly 50 4pp34l1ng, 3n0ugh 70 lull my53lf 1n70 4 f4l53 53n53 0f 53cur17y 50 wh3n y0u m3554g3 m3 0u7 0f 7h3 8lu3 wh3n y0u 5h0uldn'7 83 48l3 70 1 fuck1ng d13 fr0m 7h3 pump 4774ck. 7h4nk5 f0r 7h3 5ugg35710n.

1 w0uld'v3 m1553d y0u m0r3 1f 1 d1dn'7 kn0w wh3r3 y0u w3r3 7h3 3n71r3 71m3. 4nd 1 d0u87 4ny7h1ng 1 d1d c0un75 45 4ny7h1ng cl053 70 m4n4g1ng. caepaecaesurae I did my best to stay far awvay. palteringcecutiency F0r m3 0r f0r 3v3ry0n3 3l53. 0r f0r y0ur53lf. caepaecaesurae WVhy not all of the abovwe? palteringcecutiency 4g41n, n07 r34lly 3xp3c71ng 4ny7h1ng /5urpr151ng/ fr0m y0u, 4nd y0u d0 n07 d154pp01n7, d0 y0u? 83c4u53, 4mp0r4, m4k1ng 17 50und l1k3 7h3 d3c1510n w45 f0r my 83n3f17 wh3n y0u w3r3 ju57 k33p1ng y0ur h1d3 1n74c7 15 50... /5l1my/. W4y 70 7ry 8u773r1ng m3 up, 1 c3r741nly m1553d 74lk1ng 70 y0u. caepaecaesurae "Just" keeping my hide intact isn't wvhat I said. I'm sorry it's been a bad wveek. I hope it gets better. palteringcecutiency 0h, r1gh7, K4nkr1. H0w c0uld 1 f0rg37. caepaecaesurae May I close this? > The sudden, unhelpful rush of anger makes your eye twitch. ...Yeah, you're going to have to learn to deal with that again.... palteringcecutiency 17'5 n07 l1k3 1 c4n 570p y0u fr0m runn1ng 4g41n, c4n 1. D0 wh47 y0u w4n7. caepaecaesurae You could alwvays chase me dowvn I guess. palteringcecutiency Y35, 83c4u53 7h47 w3n7 50 w3ll 7h3 l457 71m3. caepaecaesurae Historically, you could say that about all of the times you and I havwe been in conflict. caepaecaesurae It's gone poorly. For both of us. palteringcecutiency 4nd h0w h1570r1c4lly 4r3 w3 74lk1ng? 83c4u53 h3r3 y0u 841l 1f 1 50 much 45 fr0wn 1n y0ur v4gu3 d1r3c710n. caepaecaesurae I don't wvant to be in conflict. I don't wvant to use you for anything. caepaecaesurae WVell, I'm havwing a stupidly ballsy night. If you wvant to talk, I wvon't bail for at least the next hour. palteringcecutiency 50 y0u 54y n0w. Wh47 /d0/ y0u w4n7, 7h3n? F0r m3 70 pr373nd 0ur h1570ry d035n'7 3x157 l1k3 y0u d0? F0r m3 70 83 4gr3348l3 4ll 0f 7h3 71m3? 70 pr373nd 70 83l13v3 4ll 0f y0ur w0rd5 4nd 83 y0ur 835713 4g41n? 570p 831ng my53lf 4nd 83 wh0 /y0u/ w4n7 m3 70 83? Wh47 15 17 y0u 1n5157 y0ur m071v35 4r3 n0w? caepaecaesurae My beforan side wvould lovwe to be friends and forget evwerything negativwe. It has a tendency to ignore any aspect of a situation that it doesn't like, so I'll probably be needing to wvrestle that under control. My Alternian side owves you a debt of honor, that for vwarious reasons you don't seem interested in claiming -- possibly due to the fact that you think you wvouldn't be allowved to. I'm...caught in the middle. I miss a friend that I'vwe wvronged. I wvant to do wvhatevwer is best for him. I knowv he doesn't believwe me wvhen I say that. palteringcecutiency 17'5 4lw4y5 50 f45c1n471ng w47ch1ng y0u m4k3 7h15 50 5ymp47h371c 70 y0ur c4u53, 35p3c14lly wh3n 17 801l5 d0wn 70 '1 w4n7 7h1ng5 y0u w0n'7 g1v3 m3.' caepaecaesurae So I hear. I'vwe been hearing a lot about howv I talk, and the wvay it comes across, lately. I'm trying to be more open. I don't knowv if it's wvorking. caepaecaesurae Only part of you wvants to be friends, and that part wvants to aknowvledge wvhat happened betwveen us. I don't knowv wvhat that part wvants to do or say, but if you'll tell me I'll followv your lead. palteringcecutiency Y0ur 0p3nn355 d3p3nd5 0n wh47 y0u w4n7 70 54y, d035n'7 17? 1'm h34r1ng y0u w4n7 m3 70 570p r3m1nd1ng y0u 7h47 y0u fuck3d up 50 m4ny 71m35. Y0u w4n7 m3 70 74k3 my p0und 0f fl35h 50 1 c4nn07 c0mpl41n 4nym0r3. Y0u w4n7 m3 70 l37 y0u h3lp m3 wh37h3r 17 h3lp5 0r n07 4nd 70 f0rg1v3 y0u 50 w3 c4n ju57 83 fr13nd5 4g41n.

/4ll 0f m3 w4n75 y0u 70 fuck1ng 4ckn0wl3dg3 y0u'r3 4 fuck1ng n00k5741n 5m34r3d 0v3r 3v3ry7h1ng y0u 70uch/. 4nd 7h3 p4r7 0f m3 7h47 w4n75 70 83 fr13nd5 w4n75 y0u 70 570p pu55yf0071ng 4r0und 4nd d0 wh47 y0u'r3 g01ng 70 d0 1n5734d 0f y4nk1ng my ch41n 4r0und 4ll 0v3r 7h3 g0dd4mn pl4c3 f0r 50 fuck1ng l0ng. 1'm 50 fuck1ng 71r3d 0f y0ur g4m35, ju57 fuck1ng w1n 4lr34dy. caepaecaesurae ... WVell. I am garbage in some respects. caepaecaesurae My temper is ruinous wvhen I let it loose at all, evwer, hence wvhy I havwen't been. Though people are trying to convwince me to emote more. I'm not sure they understand wvhat they're asking. caepaecaesurae I'm impulsivwe and scatterbrained and forgetful and often trip into the middle of things I shouldn't. I'm a lout, that's fairly wvell established. caepaecaesurae Being reminded of wvhat I'vwe done is unpleasant, but ... Denying you your right to deal as you see fit here is wvorse. I suppose I'vwe been squirming around on that one. palteringcecutiency P3rh4p5 7h3y m34n f0r y0u 70 570p 50und1ng l1k3 y0u'r3 r34d1ng 0ff 4 pr3-pr3p4r3d 5cr1p y0u h4d 0n h4nd 0n 7h3 0ff ch4nc3 wh473v3r m4773r c4m3 up 50 y0u'd c0m3 0u7 0f wh473v3r d38473 n07h1ng l355 7h4n 5qu34ky cl34n.

Y0u 54y 7h47 45 1f y0u'r3 7h3 0nly 0n3 73ll1ng m3 h0w 1 5h0uld f33l 4nd 4c7. 0n3 p3r50n 570pp1ng, n0 m4773r wh0, d035 n07h1ng. 4nd 8351d35, 1 h4v3 l0ng 4g0 g0773n 7h3 m3554g3, 1 ju57 4m n07 g01ng 70 570p 831ng wh0 1 4m f0r 50m37h1ng 45 m1nu73 45 w0rd5. caepaecaesurae .. I'm glad. That you wvon't stop being you. palteringcecutiency D15p173 y0u w4n71ng m3 70? 50 1 570p 831ng 5uch 4 pr08l3m f0r y0u? caepaecaesurae If I only wvanted things that wvere convwenient for me, I'd havwe fewvwer scars and a much different life. caepaecaesurae You could ruin me wvith a fewv wvords if you felt like it, and you havwe no reason not to. ...but considering wvhat I think I deservwe, that doesn't make you a problem to be dealt wvith -- just a looming possibility. caepaecaesurae ... Sorry. The wvord "problem" doesn't seem right to me. It's hard to find good wvords for wvhy. palteringcecutiency 0h, c0uld 1 n0w. 7h47'5 4 5urpr153, 5331ng 45 n0 0n3 h45 50 much 45 fl1nch3d 47 4 51ngl3 7h1ng y0u'v3 d0n3, 451d3 fr0m 0n3 3n7hu514571c w1ggl3r. 7h3n wh47 w0uld y0u c4ll m3? 4 7h0rn 1n y0ur 51d3? 4 hurdl3 70 83 d34l7 w17h? caepaecaesurae ... Clade. Though I knowv for damn sure I should fall outside your radar. caepaecaesurae You're a member of the twvelvwe bloodlines. WVe'vwe lost and built univwerses together, or at least tried. People aside from the wvriggler havwe had tact about their flinching. palteringcecutiency Why 1n 4ny unh0ly fuck d0 y0u c0n51d3r m3 4nywh3r3 /cl053/ 70 cl4d3?? 4nd 7h3y'v3 h4d much m0r3 7h4n /74c7/, 17 d035 /n07h1ng/ 70 7h31r 0p1n10n 0f y0u, n07 4 51ngl3 d4mn p3r50n. N0, 17 15 1n5734d /m3/ 831ng wr0ng, f0r h0und1ng y0u 50 480u7 /7h1ng5 y0u h4v3 d0n3 70 m3/. caepaecaesurae They try to make it sound more like they're letting you make the decision on wvhat to do wvith me, wvhen they mention it to me. I suppose they're smarter about not taking choices from you. palteringcecutiency 0f c0ur53 7h3y d0. caepaecaesurae WVe wvere friends, once. Evwen though you'vwe told me that ended. The list of trolls wvho wvere there from the beginning of my livwes to nowv is short. caepaecaesurae It's selfish, that I don't wvant to givwe up knowving you. Until you tell me wvhat else you should be to me, wvhat else I should do, all I can think to call you is clade. palteringcecutiency 0ur fr13nd5h1p "3nd3d" 83c4u53 y0u 570pp3d 7r3471ng m3 l1k3 4 fr13nd, 4mp0r4. 1 d1dn'7 ju57 d3c1d3 0n3 n1gh7 w3 w3r3n'7, y0u 70ld m3 /l0ud 4nd cl34r/ 7h47 w3 w3r3n'7 wh3n y0u 574r73d pun15h1ng m3 f0r fry1ng my p4n. 4nd 1 kn3w y0u 50 34rly 0n 4l73rn14 83c4u53 y0u /80ugh7 m3 70 83 y0ur 3ng1n3/ wh1ch 4g41n, 1 g07 pun15h3d f0r, wh3n 1 w45 700 0p1n10n473 0n my 7r347m3n7. palteringcecutiency C4ll m3 cl4d3 4ll y0u w4n7 8u7 17'5 n07 g01ng 70 ch4ng3 7h1ng5. caepaecaesurae ...the Beforan part sounds more like me being a terrible excuse for a friend. palteringcecutiency 70 y0u. caepaecaesurae To me. ... I'm oblivwious garbage, Mituna. palteringcecutiency 4nd 4n 48u51v3 8ully 7h3 /m0m3n7/ y0u c4n g37 4w4y w17h 17. caepaecaesurae It's not like I try to be. It's not like I wvant to be. It's not like I had a rude enough awvakening to realise wvhat the hell I wvas doing before I had Beforan memories shovwed through an adult pan. ..abusivwe bully, though. I can't argue that part. Only the eagerness you're implying. palteringcecutiency 0h? 4m 1 ju57 5p3c14l 7h3n? palteringcecutiency 83c4u53 807h 71m35 17 700k n0 71m3 47 4ll f0r y0u 70 574r7 35748l15h1ng y0ur 5up3r10r17y 70 m3. caepaecaesurae You are uniquely maddening. palteringcecutiency 1 5h0uld ch4ng3 my 8l0g 717l3 70 7h47, 35p3c14lly 51nc3 7h47'5 4 y35. caepaecaesurae ...I struggled, to hold my temper. As a growvn troll, wvhen I sawv that it wvas loose more than it ought to be, .. as soon as I realised wvhat I wvas doing, as soon as I found the self control to do so, I wvould pull awvay, try to calm myself, to get back to a state of mind wvhere I wvas reasonable. caepaecaesurae Is it any surprise that a troll wvho stays defiant to the end wvould be particularly hard to retreat from, to a troll obsessed wvith not losing face? It doesn't excuse it, it doesn't make it right, but it does make howv I wvas wvith you...wvorse... than wvith those that wvere more wvilling to bend and use silvwered wvords to trick me into things. I wvas an entitled prick. I wvas taught a lesson. Evwentually. palteringcecutiency 17'5 4 p17y, 7h3n, 7h47 y0u d1dn'7 l1v3 70 533 m3 1n 7h3 r1g. Y0u w0uld'v3 3njoy3d m3 50 much.

7h15 d035n'7 d0 much 70 c0nv1nc3 m3 7h47 y0u w15h m3 70 c0n71nu3 70 83 'un1qu3ly m4dd3n1ng' 1 mu57 54y. caepaecaesurae ..The rig wvas an atrocity. I didn't evwen believwe in using drugs on helmsmen, let alone That. caepaecaesurae I thought wve wvere all part of some imperial structure wvith no choice about our place in it -- but still Trolls. Bound to servwe -- on duty, but wvith some chance at life wvhen wve wveren't. Evwen at my wvorst I nevwer wvould havwe touched that thing except to break it. palteringcecutiency 4h, 8u7 5)(3 50lv3d y0ur pr08l3m5 w17h m3, 4nd qu173 7h0r0ughly, 0n3 mu57 4dm17. 4nd 1 f1nd 7h47 l4ugh48l3. Y0u n3v3r 7r3473d m3 l1k3 4 7r0ll. 1 w45 4 p05535510n, 0n3 7h47 d353rv3d pun15hm3n7 f0r w4n71ng 70 83 7r3473d 07h3rw153. caepaecaesurae I failed you on so many levwels. caepaecaesurae Ordinarily, after havwing provwed they wvould not take the chance to sabotage the ship or attempt to flee at risk to themselvwes, slavwes wvould be givwen free roaming of the ship. Shore leavwe, after a wvhile. Our...conflicts, meant you nevwer got there. caepaecaesurae I don't knowv wvhat to say other than that I'm sorry. caepaecaesurae I wvas abusivwe. I bullied you far too many times and wvays to count. I hope I'vwe changed but I don't knowv that. I'm trying. If I havwen't changed, you'll probably get to wvatch Arlequin paste me or something. His tolerance for blowvhards is minimal. palteringcecutiency H0w 4mu51ng, y0u l057 0u7 0n 4 l0y4l 3ng1n3 wh0 h0n357ly 3nj0y3d 541l1ng 83c4u53 y0u c0uldn'7 570p h4v1ng 4 8ulg3 m345ur1ng c0n7357 w17h 4 7w0 5w33p 0ld 0v3r 1f 1 w45 4 p3r50n 0r n07 4nd r35p3c7 831ng 34rn3d 1n5734d 0f 83473n 0u7 0f 7h3 l0w. 7h47 mu57 571ng 50m37h1ng f13rc3.

4nd 17 d035n'7 m4773r 1f y0u'v3 ch4ng3d 0r n07, y0u'v3 c0nv1nc3d 3v3ry0n3 y0u h4v3 70 7h3 p01n7 wh3r3 my w0rd5 m34n j4ck 5h17. Y0u'll l1v3 4 l0ng, l0ng 71m3, d0n'7 w0rry. caepaecaesurae Amusing isn't the wvord I'd choose. caepaecaesurae I don't wvant to be a problem for anyone. I wvant to be better than that, and I'm trying. palteringcecutiency 1 d1dn'7 7h1nk 50, 8u7 1 f1nd 17 h1l4r10u5. 4nd 4g41n, y0u h4v3 n0 w0rr135 7h3r3, 3v3ry0n3 wh0 m4773r5 7h1nk5 y0u'r3 w0nd3rfuln355 1nc4rn473d, 4nd h45 n0 pr08l3m 73ll1ng 7h3 cr4nky 0ld 574r5h1p h0w wr0ng h3 15 480u7 y0u, 47 l3ng7h, 7h3 m0m3n7 1 3v3n h1n7 47 7h3 5u8j3c7. caepaecaesurae ... For once, I'm not wvorried about opinions. I'm wvorried about fact. palteringcecutiency 1 f1nd 7h47 1ncr34d18ly h4rd 70 83l13v3. caepaecaesurae I'm as surprised as you are. Call it pride if you wvant. I don't wvant to be the kind of man that I havwe been. I see failure and excess and it disgusts me. palteringcecutiency 4nd y0u'd g1v3 up y0ur 5h1ny p3rf3c7 r3pu74710n 70 d0 17? caepaecaesurae I refuse to be that man. I'vwe had twvo livwes, and I failed in each. I wvill try something newv nowv. WVould that Help? palteringcecutiency Y0u'v3 5p3n7 y0ur 3n71r3 71m3 h3r3 h00dw1nk1ng 3v3ry0n3 1n 51gh7 7h47 y0u'r3 83y0nd r3pr04ch. Y0u'd h4v3 70 d357r0y 4ll 7h47 w0rk r1gh7 d0wn 70 7h3 gr0und 4nd p05518ly 83y0nd f0r 7h3m 70 83l13v3 y0u'r3 4ny7h1ng 8u7. caepaecaesurae Believwe me, they aren't as convwinced as you think they are. I wvant to be the man that you think they think I am. palteringcecutiency 50 y0u k33p 1n51571ng 8u7 1'v3 533n n07h1ng 70 7h3 c0n7r4ry, h4v3 1. caepaecaesurae I could dig through my IM logs if you like. palteringcecutiency L1k3 y0u c0uldn'7 d0c70r 7h053 w17h 4 7h0ugh7. caepaecaesurae Literally. palteringcecutiency Wh1ch 15 wh47 1 m34n7, y35. caepaecaesurae I'vwe been hearing lately that I'm too slick and smoothe and noncommital, and it makes evweryone think I'm hiding something. palteringcecutiency H0w 4wful. Y0ur 5k1ll5 4r3 5l1pp1ng 1f 07h3r p30pl3 4r3 n071c1ng, 8u7 h0w k1nd 0f 7h3m 70 l37 y0u kn0w 50 y0u c4n f1x 17. caepaecaesurae Does wvhat they think change wvhat I am? caepaecaesurae I wvant to be better. That's my focus. palteringcecutiency 0f c0ur53 n07, 8u7 why pu7 1n 7h3 3ff0r7 1f 3v3ry0n3 7h1nk5 y0u 4lr34dy h4v3? caepaecaesurae As important as it is to me to havwe someone that thinks wvell of me, my owvn opinion of myself is separate from all that. Belief does not make it true. For them. > He keeps making you say this unnatural shit. palteringcecutiency > And y0u'r3 n07 3ven 7rying 70, h0w unu5ual. palteringcecutiency 0h 1 kn0w very w3ll 7h47 17'5 53p3r473, 50 v3ry w3ll. 50 y0u'r3 d01ng 4ll 7h15 f0r y0ur 0wn 1n73rn4l 3g0 1n5734d 0f 4d0r4710n? caepaecaesurae More or less. I suppose I must feed it something. palteringcecutiency 4nd y0u gr0w 80r3d 0f 7h3 f0un741n5 5urr0und1ng y0u? caepaecaesurae Bad time for a highblood joke? palteringcecutiency 1'm 4lr34dy 74lk1ng 70 y0u, wh47'5 4n07h3r 0n 7h3 p1l3? caepaecaesurae Ouch. palteringcecutiency c; caepaecaesurae ...Sorry, chief. I'vwe lasted twvo hours longer than I thought I wvould, but I think I might need to tag out, for nowv. palteringcecutiency 0v3r 4 j0k3? caepaecaesurae Some jokes ring harder than others, especially if one is trying to answver in any seriousness. I probably shouldn't havwe mentioned highblood jokes. palteringcecutiency W45 7h15 5upp053d 70 83 4 570n3 f4c3d d15cu5510n? 15 fun n07 4ll0w3d 83c4u53 y0u d0n'7 l1k3 17? L0rd, 4mp0ra. 1 h4d 4n 0pp0r7un17y, 1 700k 17. W0uld y0u r47h3r 1 g0 84ck 70 4ng3r, 0r f34r, 0r 50881ng, 0r 50m37h1ng 3l53? 4nd 1f y0u 4r3 n07 g01ng 70 73ll m3 7h3 j0k3, 7h3n y35, y0u 5h0uldn'7 h4v3 m3n710n3d 17. caepaecaesurae ..No, it isn't. You havwe not done wvrong. The wvords havwe just turned to ash. caepaecaesurae The joke wvas that the high are spoiled and self-centered and satisfied by nothing. There wvas nothing clevwer wvaiting behind closed doors. palteringcecutiency 7h3n why 4r3 y0u 841l1ng? Wh47 0ff3n53 h4v3 1 l45h3d up0n y0u 1f y0u w3r3 480u7 70 d0 51m1l4r? caepaecaesurae Sometimes my pan is more ready than others. It's not you. palteringcecutiency 7h3r3 4r3 50 m4ny 7h1ng5 1 c0uld 54y 1n r3f3r3nc3 70 17 n07 831ng m3 8u7 1 d1gr355. 08v10u5ly 17 15 p4n fuck3ry, 17 w45 7h47 0r y0ur 3g0, 50 c0ugh up wh47 3l53 1 n33d 70 4v01d. caepaecaesurae > ... :c > ...fucking Hell, Cronus, at least Try to toughen up... > ... You squirm unhappily and try to brace yourself for a minute or two. caepaecaesurae Does it matter? WVe'vwe gotten farther than wve usually do. palteringcecutiency 0f c0ur53 17 m4773r5. 1 c4nn07 4v01d wh47 1 d0n'7 kn0w 480u7, c4n 1. caepaecaesurae > More awkward squirming. caepaecaesurae ... The high being self-absorbed and spoiled struck my pan differently than the notion of a life amounting to nothing but ridicule. palteringcecutiency ...7h47 15 n07 h0w 1 1n73nd3d 7h47, 8u7 17 15 n07 h4rd 70 533 h0w y0u g07 7h3r3. 1 4p0l0g1z3, 17 w1ll n07 h4pp3n 4g41n. caepaecaesurae I am uselessly difficult to speak wvith at times. palteringcecutiency 1'v3 n3v3r h4d 4 pr08l3m 50 f4r. caepaecaesurae Really? caepaecaesurae I... doubt that. palteringcecutiency Ch4ng1ng 4 f3w w0rd5 4r0und 15 h4rdly 4 dr0p 1n 7h3 0c34n 0f wh47 1 u5u4lly d0, 4mp0r4. palteringcecutiency Plu5 1 g37 70 83 cr3471v3 w17h 1n5ul71ng y0u, 4nd 7h47'5 4lw4y5 4 7r347. caepaecaesurae > You couldn't decide if you wanted to be grateful or concerned. So, apparently, both is what was happening. caepaecaesurae Your uniquely-delivwered tact is appreciated. I'm...almost certain. palteringcecutiency Y0u'r3 4 m4rv3l 0f w0rd-5m17h1ng 70n1gh7. 7h0ugh 1 w0uld h4rdly c4ll 7h47 74c7. caepaecaesurae ...Ugh. That's one reason I'm inclined to stop before I ruin anything. palteringcecutiency ...83c4u53 1 w45 831ng r47h3r 5r41gh7f0rw4rd? 0r 83c4u53 y0u k33p c0m1ng up w17h ph4535 70 d35cr183 m3 7h47 71ckl3 my f4ncy? caepaecaesurae Perhaps I'm reading the wvrong tone into things. ...I'm glad you are entertained? palteringcecutiency P3rh4p5 my 53771ng y0u 0ff h45 m4d3 y0u jumpy? 51nc3 7h47 h4pp3n5 wh3n 7h47 h4pp3n5. caepaecaesurae Your insight into my inner wvorkings is such a comfort. palteringcecutiency 0r p3rh4p5 1 4m r3m4rk48ly f4m1l14r w17h 7h3 ph3n0m1n0n. caepaecaesurae > Is this .. Are you having a moment. Is that what this is. > Why do you hate this. > You want to punch someone, possibly yourself. palteringcecutiency > H3 c0uld alway5 punch y0u. 17 i5 y0ur turn 4f73r all. caepaecaesurae There are certain phenomenae wvith wvhich I am still accustoming myself. caepaecaesurae I do not yet speak on them wvell. palteringcecutiency 15 7h47 h1gh8l00d f0r '1'm h4v1ng 7r0u8l3 1gn0r1ng 7h3 p4n1c 4774ck5 4nd pr373nd1ng 7h3y d0n'7 h4pp3n' ? palteringcecutiency N0 0n3 d035, 4mp0r4. caepaecaesurae ... Yes, it May be. WVhat does it matter? palteringcecutiency 83c4u53, 5h0ck1ngly, pr373nd1ng y0u'r3 n07 h4v1ng 0n3 m4k35 17 w0r53 70 g0 7hr0ugh. caepaecaesurae I do just fine thank you. palteringcecutiency 0h, 0f c0ur53, 1'm 5ur3 y0u'r3 ju57 p34chy k33n. Wh47 w0uld 1 kn0w 4nyw4y, 1'm 5ur3 1'v3 h4d n0 3xp3r13nc3 w17h 7h3m 47 4ll, 4nd n0 3xp3r13nc3 w17h h1gh8l00d pr1d3 47 4ll. caepaecaesurae You knowv, not evwerything is a personal insult to your capability. palteringcecutiency H0w 1n73r3571ng. 1'm n07 1n5ul73d 47 4ll. c: caepaecaesurae You are a treasure. Good light, Mituna, I'd like to go try to livwe this dowvn somehowv. palteringcecutiency 1 d0u87 y0u w1ll, 8u7 g00d luck 50lv1ng 4 pr08l3m 8y pr373nd1ng 17 15n'7 h4pp3n1ng, 1'm 5ur3 17 w1ll 4c7u4lly h3lp 7h15 71m3. caepaecaesurae You knowv, my personal strategies for these sorts of things aren't necessarily your concern. WVhat exactly are you suggesting I do differently right nowv? palteringcecutiency 0h, 1 h4v3 n0 d3lu510n5 0f 7h3m 831ng 50. 8u7 1 mu57 54y 17'5 h1l4r10u5 w47ch1ng y0u 7ry 70 f00l 50m30n3 wh0 h45 50 much 3xp3r13nc3 w17h 7h3 m4773r, 4nd 5w47 4w4y 7h3 1nkl1ng 0f 4dv1c3 1mm3d1473ly. 17 m4k35 m3 cur10u5 1f 17'5 g3771ng 17 fr0m /m3/ 0r 7h3 1d34 0f y0u r3c13v1ng h3lp 47 4ll 7h47 807h3r5 y0u 50 much.

m057 0f my curr3n7 5ugg35710n5 w0uld 83 70 570p 4ll 7h47, 8u7 1'm n07 5ur3 y0u c4n y37. caepaecaesurae I somewvhat discuss these matters wvith Kankri. Earlier today I finally broached the subject of wvhat to avwoid or not avwoid wvith a quadrant mate. I do not discuss some things easily. palteringcecutiency Y0u k33p 54y1ng 7h47 l1k3 17'5 50m3 un1qu3 57473m3n7, 45 1f 1 c0uld w4lk y0u 7hr0ugh my 0wn l157 l1k3 17 w45 4 c45u4l 57r0ll 1n 7h3 p4rk. H0w 345y 15 17 f0r K4nkr1 70 74lk 480u7 h15 w17h y0u? caepaecaesurae Not perfectly. > The longer you thought about that one the worse you felt. caepaecaesurae You make it sound as though it should be easy to admit that they are there, and discuss them. palteringcecutiency 7h47 c3r741nly 50und5 l1k3 y0u 7ry1ng n07 70 54y 'h3 1n51575 h3'5 f1n3 n0 m4773r h0w much 8l00d 15 0n 7h3 0u751d3.' H4. Y0u n071c3 1'v3 n07 8r0ugh7 up 4ny 0f m1n3, d35p173 50m3 0f 7h3m 831ng h4rd 70 m155. 1'v3 833n 54y1ng 17'5 p01n7l355 70 pr373nd y0u'r3 fr33 0f 7h3m 4nd p3rf3c7ly f1n3 70 50m30n3 f4r m0r3 f4m1l14r 7h4n y0u'll 3v3r 83. 7h3r3'5 n0 pr1d3 70 54v3, 4mp0r4. 1'v3 kn0wn 7h3 3n71r3 71m3 1'v3 833n h3r3, g1v3 0r 74k3 4 f3w n1gh75. caepaecaesurae There's a difference betwveen knowving someone knowvs and havwing to personally discuss it. palteringcecutiency 08v10u5ly. 4nd 1 c4nn07 h3lp 8u7 7h1nk 50m3 0f 7h15 h35174710n 15 83c4u53 0f wh0 1 4m. 8u7 1'm r47h3r 5ur3 w3 w0uld n07 83 h4v1ng 7h15 d38473 1f y0u h4dn'7 puff3d up wh3n 1 5ugg3573d 7h47 p3rh4p5 4 7w17chy 70p1c m4d3 y0u 7w17chy. caepaecaesurae I may havwe played it off more smoothly. You wvouldn't be you if you didn't havwe a keen eye for tender spots, though. palteringcecutiency Uh huh. 5ur3 y0u w0uld h4v3. 73nd3r 5p075, y35. 571ll 8l33d1ng w0und5? 0nly 50 1 c4n 4v01d 7h3m. caepaecaesurae ... Your discretion is admirable, despite my sourness at the necessity. palteringcecutiency 1 c4n d1g cl4w5 1n70 y0u ju57 f1n3 w17h0u7 r350r71ng 70 5uch h0rr1d l0w bl0w5, 4nd 7h3 54m3 w17h 07h3r5. 7h1nk wh47 y0u w4n7 0f m3, 8u7 1 h4v3 l1n35 1 r3fu53 70 cr055. caepaecaesurae You certainly can. caepaecaesurae Many trolls do not havwe principles by wvhich they abide. ... I respect those that do. palteringcecutiency Wh3n y0u 83l13v3 7h3y h4v3 7h3m. caepaecaesurae It's difficult to think much of things I don't notice. palteringcecutiency 4nd y37 50 345y 70 f1ll 1n 7h3 8l4nk5 w17h wh47 y0u 7h1nk 83l0ng5. caepaecaesurae WVhat else is a mind to do? palteringcecutiency M1n3 73nd5 70 83 cur10u5. caepaecaesurae A trait to be encouraged I suppose. palteringcecutiency 1 73nd 70 3nj0y 17 m0r3 7h4n 7h3 4l73rn471v3. caepaecaesurae ... Aye. caepaecaesurae I'm sorry I "Bail", alwvays. palteringcecutiency ...17 m4k35 17 much h4rd3r 70 74lk 70 y0u 1f y0u l34v3 7h3 m0m3n7 7h1ng5 d0n'7 g0 p3rf3c7ly. ...4nd 1mpl135 4 c3r741n 3xp3c74710n 0f m3 7h47 w1ll n3v3r h4pp3n. caepaecaesurae I havwe been unfortunately accused of being an "anxious" short, by those wvho notice the lengths I go to to avwoid conflict. palteringcecutiency 4nx10u5 15 d3f1n173ly 4 w4y 70 d35cr183 17. palteringcecutiency 45 4r3 4 f3w l355 fl4773r1ng w4y5. caepaecaesurae Paranoid is another I'vwe heard. caepaecaesurae Abrupt anger is discomforting. palteringcecutiency 7h3r3 4r3 50 m4ny 7h1ng5 1 c0uld 54y 1n r35p0n53 70 7h47, 8u7 1 7h1nk 1 w1ll 51mply 4gr33, 4nd p05518ly 4m3nd 57r0ng3r l4ngu4g3 70 7h3 d35cr1p70r. caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. palteringcecutiency ...17 w45 n07 ju57 y0u 1 w45 7h1nk1ng 0f, 8u7. Y35. 1 4m r47h3r f4m1l14r w17h h0w unpl3454n7 17 c4n 83. caepaecaesurae I regret the reminder. caepaecaesurae ... So. About that wveather. palteringcecutiency N0 n33d 70. R3m1nd3r5 4r3 37ch3d 1n70 my h1d3, Cr0nu5. 17 15 n07 50m37h1ng 1 c4n f0rg37.

> 1gn0r3 h0w l0ng 7h47 700k 70 wr173 4nd h0w much l0ng3r 17 700k 70 p057. 3v3ry7h1ng 15 f1n3. palteringcecutiency ...1 w0uld n07 kn0w, 1'v3 833n 4v01d1ng w1nd0w5. caepaecaesurae I'm sorry to hear that. palteringcecutiency Wh1ch? caepaecaesurae Both, but the wvindowvs wvere my intent. palteringcecutiency Mm. W1nd0w5 4r3 h4rd 70 54f3gu4rd. caepaecaesurae Perhaps I am lucky that avwenue of approach does not yet occur to me. palteringcecutiency V3ry lucky. 1'v3 4lr34dy l34rn3d 83773r. palteringcecutiency 1f 1 f1nd 0u7 h0w 70 53cur3 7h3m, 1'll l37 y0u kn0w. caepaecaesurae I appreciate that. If I can think of any wvay to provwe good intent ovwer evwen the short term, I wvill do the same. palteringcecutiency 1 w15h y0u luck. palteringcecutiency ...1 4p0l0g1z3, f0r my pry1ng 34rl13r, 45 l177l3 45 17 w45. Y0u w3r3 r1gh7, 1 h4v3 n0 8u51n355 d01ng 50, n0 m4773r h0w much 15 p41n5 m3 70 w47ch y0u 83 4n 1d107 480u7 7h15. Last Thursday at 11:08 AM caepaecaesurae .. Thank you Last Thursday at 4:43 PM caepaecaesurae Pains you? Last Thursday at 5:59 PM palteringcecutiency ...your pr1de i5 wor53 7han m1n3, wh3n 17 com35 t0 5uch m47ter5. 17 1s h0lding y0u 8ack, 4nd w47ch1ng 50meone cr1pple 7h3m5elves 0v3r 5aving f4ce 15 d1fficul7. 3sp3cially wh3n y0u know 17 will c0n71nue f0r qui7e s0me time. caepaecaesurae At least I'm better than I wvas. palteringcecutiency 1n 7h1s mat73r or 1n g3neral? caepaecaesurae Pride. palteringcecutiency Lik3 tak1ng a cup 0ut 0f th3 0cean, perhap5. caepaecaesurae I may be bailing wvith a cup, but before I bailed from the ocean. Nowv, I bail a small lake. There wvould havwe been no speaking at all, before. To myself or others, for centuries. palteringcecutiency I cann0t 1magin3 ch0sing 7h4t for 0n353lf. Dec1ding 70 be 7hat al0ne f0r 7h3 5ake of prid3 al0ne. caepaecaesurae I wvas already that alone. It wvas a matter of choosing not to break the lifestyle already engaged. palteringcecutiency 4nd how d1d you g3t to th3re? And th47 15 5till a d3ci510n, 0ne 1 c0uld no7 3ven r3pl1c47e on 7he 8attl35hip f0r qui73 5ome tim3. caepaecaesurae I'm fairly sure that most of the wvays I could answver that question wvould get offensivwe. caepaecaesurae I tried friendship, wvhen I wvas young, on Alternia, and it didn't tend to wvork out. WVhen it didn't wvork on land, I tried movwing it to the sea and the navwy wvhere it wvas insisted that I belonged. Didn't wvork out wvell there either. I evwentually became the Orphaner, and gavwe up the vwestiges. caepaecaesurae I had passing, businesslike contact wvith those I employed. Conflicts wvith Mindfang. Port stays. Little else. caepaecaesurae There is no room for the personal, in that. I wvas inclined to believwe a man dealt wvith such things on his owvn, if at all. palteringcecutiency 50 4no7h3r decisi0n. I am un5ur3 how that i5 supp05ed 70 be 0ff3nsive, a5ide fr0m the f4c7 that 3ven 1 man4ged 70 have fri3nd5. 0r poss18ly hav1ng 7o w1tne5s such a 7h0ught pr0ce5s. 1've 7h0ught 8efor3 tha7 7he higher 4 7r0ll is, th3 m0re like a w1ggler 7hey bec0me, and my 7heory 5eems to be h0lding. caepaecaesurae I wvent for the unoffensivwely vwague route. caepaecaesurae ... I had wvhat I wvould call friends, throughout my swveeps. I suspect you wvouldn't call them that, though. Many lowvbloods insist on trust as a factor of friendship. palteringcecutiency 7he idea 0f me 1nsis7ing 0n any0ne tru5ting me 1s hilar10us, but I agre3, kn0wing you w1ll no7 1mmediat3ly murd3red i5 usually 4 requir3m3n7. palteringcecutiency 1mmed1at3ly b3 murd3r3d** caepaecaesurae There's more levwels to it than "Trust" or "Not Trust" though. palteringcecutiency Th3re are, y3s. I bank 0n th0se 0ften. caepaecaesurae I hope Nadaya and some of the rebels growv more comfortable wvith the shades of trust, rather than haviwng it be... Abrupt. palteringcecutiency I can h4rdly 8lame th3m, hav1ng be3n hurt 5o much 50 of7en for 7hing5 7hey canno7 help. Tru5t is 1mportant, ev3n if you ar3 u5ed 7o l1v1ng with0ut it. palteringcecutiency 8u7 they talk t0 me, so 7hey cann07 b3 c0mpl3tely 8l1nd. caepaecaesurae I believe they enjoy you palteringcecutiency Every0ne 1s welcom3 70 the1r que57iona8le hob8ies. 8ut 7hat doe5 no7 chang3 that 1 4m r3marka8ly untru57w0rthy. caepaecaesurae You do your best. palteringcecutiency 4nd y3t peopl3 r3main 5urpris3d wh3n they 'd15cov3r' it, a5 if it h45n't b3en sitting th3re 0n a gilded pl4tter th3 entir3 7im3. caepaecaesurae I wvas disagreeing wvith you about the untrustwvorthy part. You havwe incredible moodswvings, and as soon as they are done, attempt to put them to right. palteringcecutiency Tch. 1 w4s not r3fer3ncing tha7, 8ut th3 par7 wh3re 1 /cho053/ to b3 untru57w0rthy. caepaecaesurae WVhy choose untrustwvorthiness? palteringcecutiency 83cau53 I c4nn0t hav3 80th tru5t and 4n 3ffec71v3 gu4rd, 08vi0u5ly. 0ne mu57 be op3n to 83 tru5tw0rthy f0r 4ny 5ub5tantial 4mount of 7im3, 4nd 1 hav3 no d35ir3 t0 wast3 4ll my tim3 f1nding 4 8alance. caepaecaesurae A balance is time-consuming. Useful once attained, though. palteringcecutiency P3rhaps 7heor3tically, 8ut as thing5 stand? I se3 no r3ason t0. caepaecaesurae Perhaps somenight, if it suits you then. palteringcecutiency I cann0t imag1ne wh4t c1rcum5tanc35 1 would h4ve 70 be in f0r th4t 70 happ3n her3. 4nd beyond h3re, I would hav3 no r3ason to. caepaecaesurae WVell enough. palteringcecutiency ...1'm al5o rath3r sure 1 am as 4ttached 7o it a5 you ar3 t0 pride. caepaecaesurae And so wve stand atop our parapets, and talk about the wveather, and admire the people dowvn belowv that somehowv seem to get along wvith one another. palteringcecutiency Heh. 1 w0uld contes7 that if 1 d1d n07 5pend s0 long d01ng 7h4t, and c0n71nue to d0 so. caepaecaesurae At least the vwiewv's nice, sometimes. Maybe somenight I'll learn. palteringcecutiency 5ometim3s. 7o g3t al0ng? You d0 qu173 w3ll at 7hat, 1 assur3 you. caepaecaesurae To defeat the castle Pride and livwe wvithout. palteringcecutiency 4h. Y0u c3rtainly h4ve l0ng enough 7o m4nage, 1f i7'5 po55ibl3. caepaecaesurae Time wvill tell. palteringcecutiency I would 5ay you'll h4ve 70 le7 me kn0w 8ut 1 w1ll more 7han lik3ly 83 dead 4nd g0ne. caepaecaesurae I hope to be slightly quicker about it than that. palteringcecutiency We'll ju57 hav3 to 53e then, won'7 we? caepaecaesurae Aye, that.

#ooc eyes only #palteringcecutiency #In which Mituna and Cronus talk about Abuse #A lot.#And paranoia. And triggers.#Honestly if you have any triggers just skip this one.#abuse mention/

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