#1500+ words

[strangersteddierthings]

Jealousy Looks Different On You

Title wonderfully suggested by @shoujo-wizard! Thanks so much because I was struggling to title this.

[Part One] ✨ [Part Two] ✨ [You Are Here]

It is not often in Eddie's life that he's left without words. So rare it is that Eddie can remember them all and tally them on one hand.

The first was when his mom died. He was so at a loss for words that he didn't speak for over a month, too lost in grief. And looking back on it older and wiser, a little bit was him knowing that it wouldn't have mattered if he'd spoke, his dad wasn't around to answer.

The second was when Wayne got The Call from his dad, when Wayne had to tell Eddie that he was going to be moving in with him permanently. That his dad wasn't coming back 'round for a long time.

The third was the first time a guy kissed him. Eddie was eighteen and had just learned he wasn't going to graduate the first time. He'd gone to Indy, ending up in gay bar that clocked his fake ID and wouldn't sell him alcohol but did let him in so he could be surrounded by other queers for the first time in his life. Eddie'd ended up in conversation with a guy old enough to drink and when he'd kissed Eddie there were no words, just a surprised gasp and then more kissing.

The fourth time (and this one is arguable due to him being in shock) was when Steve, Dustin, Robin, and Max had found him in the boathouse. It had taken him a while to find his voice before he could answer Dustin and learn that monsters are real.

So, Eddie is not left speechless often. Eddie's usual response is to get defensive, loud, or angry. Sometimes (most times) all three. He'd been rapidly approaching loud and angry until Steve shut him up with a quick list of how exactly Eddie fucked up.

Fucked up before he'd even had a real chance.

God damn him and his stupid fucking mouth! If he could go back and slap 21-year-old him in the back of the head, he would. He'd smack him good and then grab his shoulders and shaking him while screaming for him to shut up shut up shut up you are ruining your chances with Steve, and you don't even know it!

He can't go back, though. He can't unsay and unsay and unsay all the stupid, useless bullshit he's spewed over the years trying to throw Steve off course. Because that's what he was doing. Time and time again, finding guys who looked nothing like Steve to get his rocks off with, waxing lyrical about the ideal partner for him being as far from Steve as possible.

Eddie knows that's what he was doing because he stopped talking about it all so much when Steve, quiet and hesitant and shy for the first time ever since Eddie's known him, had come out to him. He wouldn't make eye contact, instead telling the wall behind Eddie 'I, uh, I've been learning new things every day, living here with you and Robin, and I. I, uh, I've learned new things about myself, too. Things that I think were... were always there but I was scared to look at for too long. But, um, because of you and Robin, I don't think I'm scared anymore,' and then Steve looked him right in the eye and said, 'I'm queer, too. I like girls, still, but also guys.'

God. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, that should have given it away! That Steve, nervous and fucking shy had made eye contact with him to come out. Like it was important that Eddie hear it and know it. And Eddie...

Jesus fuck, all his stupid, idiot, dumb-as-fuck past self had done was nod and say 'cool' before promptly changing the subject. At the time, Eddie had written off the look on Steve's face as Eddie bombing the Supportive Friend Response but now he sees it clearly for what it was.

Is.

Eddie breaking Steve's heart for the first time. Instead of giving any indication of liking Steve, Eddie'd all but solidified to him how disinterested Steve already thought Eddie was. Steve had said 'I like girls, still, but also guys' and only now can Eddie see that Steve meant 'I like girls, still, but also you.'

Eddie can see it all with this new knowledge adding perspective. Eddie had dug his own grave trying to hide how in love with Steve he was that he dug too far. So far that it worked. Why would Steve bother to tell Eddie he loved him when all Eddie had done was tattoo a clear and plain 'You aren't what I want and never will be' right across Steve's heart.

And now...

Now Eddie's sitting on a couch that used to be theirs. Could still be theirs if Eddie wasn't such a fucking coward all those years ago.

Instead, what is really happening is he's sitting on Steve's couch, crying silently, as he mourns what they could have been, should have been. And Steve's still standing before him, looking all the more uncertain and worried the longer Eddie's silent.

It takes all of Eddie's willpower to open his mouth and force out words. "I'm so fucking sorry, Steve. I-I'm so sorry."

Steve's brows scrunch, the space between them furrowing, and Eddie is struck with the same desire he always has when Steve's face does that. He wants to reach out and sooth it with his thumb, kiss it away.

"I should have- should've been more honest," Eddie says and his words feel as hollow as the tone of his voice. "You're right. I should have said something. Shit, I've basically spent our entire friendship sprouting lies so you wouldn't see the truth and it's fucked it all up."

Steve frowns at him, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides but he doesn't speak. In fact, he hasn't said much at all. His one rant was short but succinct and even though Eddie wants to hear his voice, wants Steve to sooth his guilt by accepting Eddie's apology, he knows it's too soon.

How can he possibly expect Steve to tell him he's forgiven when he's been unintentionally hurting him for at least five years?

Eddie looks down to his shoes and finally finds the strength to lift his hands, to wipe away the tears that streak down his cheeks. He shoves the heel of his palms into his eyes, taking a deep breath in and letting his hands drop as he breaths out. Once he feels a bit more put together, he looks back up at Steve, who is still standing awkwardly in his own living room, looking unsure.

"Have I been... hurting you this whole time?" Eddie asks, even though he's sure of the answer and hates himself for it.

"Yes," Steve says slowly, "and no. It's not that simple. I knew I wasn't what you wanted, it's not like you... strung me along or promised me anything. I hurt myself wanting you, but I couldn't stop."

Eddie lets out a whimpering sound. "No! Don't you get it? That's not- Steve, you are the one I wanted, want, more than anything else."

Steve's face twists again, angry and hurt.

Eddie rushes to continue. "I know it doesn't seem like it. I know. Because I hid it, Steve. I hid it so well that you believed the lies. That you believe what I wanted was everything you," Eddie's throat fills thick and it's hard to speak but he has to say the words, even though he hates the thought; hates that Steve thought it, "was everything you weren't and that's a lie."

Steve scoffs, a quiet and angry thing. "I don't know if you remember but we lived in this apartment together for eight years. Eight years of having to hear just how much you wanted whatever the guy of the week was giving you. These walls are thin."

Eddie does remember. Of course he does. The glares Robin would shoot him for disrupting her sleep and how Steve would rib him about having a fun night. He also remembers the change that came once Steve had come out to them. How Robin's glares turned from annoyance to actual anger. How Steve stopped teasing him and never met his eye the mornings after.

"I do enjoy kink," Eddie clarifies, because it's true, "particularly BDSM. But Steve, please, you have to believe me. I'd give it all up if it meant having you."

Steve sighs, like Eddie's said the exact thing he thought he would and wishes he hadn't. "I believe that you believe that."

God, Eddie's really, really, fucked this up. "I do believe that! What is all of, of that," he waves his hand in the air, a need to move something but unable to stand from the couch that could have still been theirs, "compared to you? The person I trust more than anyone else in the world? The person I'll never have to hide the occasional nightmare from because you already understand? Who knows all there is to know about me and still-" he skips over his words here, fearful that the truth might have changed between the bar and here, "-still loves me anyway?"

He watches Steve' Adams apple bob as he swallows before speaking. "I'll always love you, Eddie. That will never be the issue. It's just... what if love's not enough?"

And now, Eddie pleads, "but what if it is?"

-

For the timeline here, since I know have decided on one is this: Season 4 happened but Eddie lived and was cleared of charges but still had to get outta Hawkins ASAP. Steve, Robin, and Eddie shared an apartment in Chicago while Robin when to college. Robin lived with them for the 4 years she was in college and then an additional two until she got a serious girlfriend and they moved in together. Steve and Eddie, now 26 and 27, continued to live together until Eddie and his new band finally got their break when Eddie was 29. Eddie moved to LA then at the request of the label and Steve's stayed in that original Chicago apartment since. Steve is currently 31 and Eddie is 32.

@xxbottlecapx @im-sam-fucking-winchester @novacorpsrecruit @thewickedkat @dreamy-jeans137 @everywherenothere @hangingupinthehallway @estrellami-1 @queenie-ofthe-void @dreamsteddie @acowardinmordor @steviesummer @kinryuuki @genderless-spoon @paperbackribs @steddiecameraroll @yesdangerpls @jackiethevampireslayer @skitchskatchbat @sani-86

[wakkiwitch]

I can't stop thinking about what Stoick was thinking after HTTYD, when dragons lived among them and his son taught him their kindness and intelligence.

Like Valka was right, and if he had listened to her fifteen years ago then they would still be together.

That is all.

[doyouknowthisjewishcharacter]

Do you know this Jewish character?

[cranberrymoons]

don't slow this down

buddie | rated e | 2,581 words | getting together, domesticity, intimacy, hand jobs

They’re twenty seven hours into ninety six off, three more days of nothing stretching out in front of them. Nothing but this, and Buck, and the early afternoon sun pouring in through the big loft windows. "I guess I don't have to go."

[read on ao3]

[fatalism-and-villainy]

I’m trying to untangle The Problem of Garashir (not the least because, well, I’m writing the pairing) -

and I think honestly one of the biggest… roadblocks? bits of untapped potential in the pairing? is that we never really see their relationship put a strain on their ideological convictions.

Which is to say, “the societal institutions we’re subject to are corrupt, but our love is pure, so we’re going to abandon those institutions for each other” is, whether implicitly or explicitly, a common framing in fanfic featuring them (such as I’ve seen) - and to be fair, it’s a common romance trope in general. But I can’t say it works for me for these characters. And part of that is that imo the show doesn’t sufficiently set that up with its development of the relationship between these two characters, but another part of that is that I simply don’t see a world in which that kind of relationship dynamic/approach would fit with their characterizations.

To address the first point - there are never any situations involving these characters in which their fundamental values or institutional loyalties are challenged as a result of their relationship. At no point does Garak, for example, have to choose between Cardassia and his affection for Bashir. (I’ve seen people read The Wire that way, but I don’t think the reading works - The Wire is a fantastic showcase for Garak’s worldview and value system and the cracks and contradictions therein, but even though Bashir’s unwavering commitment to helping him despite what he’s done is certainly unprecedented and moving to him, his underlying value system hasn’t changed by the end of that episode.) And while Bashir’s faith in Starfleet and the Federation does get rocked quite a bit over the course of the show, it’s never because of his friendship with Garak.

Instead, I’d say that with some exceptions (like The Wire), their friendship in the early seasons is usually framed as a respite from their serious responsibilities or moral dilemmas. This especially true of Garak, who is likely not used to someone simply enjoying his company with no ulterior motives whatsoever, but the narrative maneuvering of the show also does a lot to shield Bashir from the reality of who Garak is. Yes, he gets a taste of that in The Wire, when Garak goes out of his way to impress upon him what the reality of his life as a spy truly was. But that’s still only verbal testimony, and only confined to what Garak has done in the past. Bashir is largely absent from all the shit that Garak pulls during the show!

And I’m not complaining that, say, the events of The Die Is Cast take place between Garak and Odo, because it makes thematic sense for it to be Odo for that arc. (And I love that friendship.) But Garak and Bashir do not get a plot like that, or like In the Pale Moonlight, where Bashir is directly exposed to or complicit in Garak’s immoral behaviour. The closest we get to an actual serious ethical clash between them is in Our Man Bashir, which is a goofy comedy episode. (And it’s worth noting that Bashir calls Garak’s bluff and shoots him in that confrontation! Yeah, he likely missed on purpose, given what we later learn about his magic hand-eye coordination, but he’s still unwilling to compromise on his heroism for Garak’s sake. It’s actually a pretty Cardassian gesture, which is probably part of why Garak loves it so much, but it does say a lot about where their priorities are re: their commitment to their values vs. each other.)

And I think the lack of more serious, plot-relevant ethical conflict between Garak and Bashir is a real loss for the show, because one thing I find really interesting about their relationship is that - in contrast to the examples of Odo and Sisko up there - Bashir is the person in the cast most able to hold Garak accountable. He’s repeatedly established as one of the most firmly moral members of the cast, and his righteous anger at seeing those morals trodden upon is one of his most defining character traits in the later seasons. His unconditional forgiveness of Garak in The Wire is lovely, and it is an important moment in the development of both their relationship and Bashir’s character. But in the long term, once we get into actual serious, consequential war and espionage plots? And if we’re imagining them in a long term committed relationship? It wouldn’t be sustainable, and it doesn’t feel in keeping with Bashir’s character that’d he have endless reservoirs of patience and understanding specifically for Garak. And it’s precisely because Bashir is uniquely able to grant Garak forgiveness that he’d also potentially be uniquely able to chastise him.

(This is why, by the way, my headcanon as to the in-universe reason why they don’t seem as close in the later seasons, paternity deathbed reveals and occasional flirty bantering notwithstanding, is that Bashir was seriously fucking pissed at the stunt Garak pulled in Broken Link, both in terms of the personal betrayal and the destructiveness towards sentient life, and that it created a significant rift between them.)

All of that is to say - my biggest regret with the show’s sidelining of their dynamic isn’t the fact that their relationship never becomes romantic (not a chance of that in the 90s, and also these writers were pretty terrible at writing romance) but that they never get to have an argument. An actual serious, non-flirtatious, two-sided, genuinely-angry-at-each-other-argument. I want to see conflict! (I honestly think that their exchange in What You Leave Behind comes the closest to the kind of conflict I’d like to pick up on in post-canon fic - where they are conciliatory in the moment but still have this really wrenching chasm between them, and unresolved frustration as a result of that chasm.)

So as an extension of these thoughts, I actually really like that we’re not given the basis for a traditional “us against the world” style romance plot. I like that these characters are clearly deeply fond of each other and significant to each others’ development, but have other important connections (Garak especially, since despite being only a recurring character introduced through Bashir, he integrates into the broader cast) and other priorities besides each other.

Furthermore, despite the significant differences in their value systems, one very fundamental thing they have in common is how passionately devoted they are to their respective causes. For Garak, it’s Cardassia. And while his idea of what it means to serve Cardassia, and what Cardassia needs, undergoes a lot of change over the course of the show, I don’t see any version of Garak in which Cardassia is not his first love. For Bashir, it’s altruism and helping people, as well as his intellectual curiosity - aims which are reflected in Starfleet and the Federation for him but ultimately higher ideals.

And I don’t think either Garak or Bashir would admire the other nearly as much if they were willing to let go of everything they hold dear for the sake of romance. They’re both far too committed to being a part of the world. Garak may have some fun with trying to shake Bashir of his optimism, but ultimately Bashir’s goodness, his fierce conviction that no one deserves to suffer, are among the most compelling aspects of his personality. And if Bashir is ever going to actually enter a serious relationship with Garak, he’s got to move beyond flirty intrigue and literary banter and see Garak as someone who’s proactively committed to goals that Bashir can respect. If they’re coming together as a couple, it’s because their aims and beliefs have come into alignment in some way.

And to be fair, a lot of post-canon Cardassia stuff is doing the latter. But I also want more… conflict within that framework, I guess? I don’t want a romantic relationship and the act of getting together to be the endpoint of whatever reconciliation of values they need to work through. And that’s part of what I’m trying to untangle in planning this fic of mine - especially regarding how fraught romantic commitment feels for them. For Bashir, there’s the problem of not only reconciling himself with what Garak has done, but also of choosing to be with someone whose impulses and entire cultural belief system places duty and institutional loyalty above personal feelings. And for Garak, there’s the fact that the most devoted and emotionally intense relationship he’s had in his life thus far has been with Tain, who embodied Cardassia for him - and as a result, I doubt he quite knows what to do with the possibility of a serious relationship with Bashir, who is very emphatically not Cardassia. He’s not used to being divided in his passions!

It’s not that I’m never capable of being moved by post-canon stuff that involves Bashir being charmed by how slippery Garak is, or them generally being quippy and fond of each other (I’m not made of stone here). But I’m never satisfied with just that, because that escapist element never feels like it translates well from the early seasons of the show to post-canon, and because it never engages with what I find the most fascinating about what’s set up with their whole dynamic. (And I especially dislike it when it feels like Bashir’s character is getting shortchanged in terms of his complexity and moral convictions being excised in order for Garak to get everything he wants.)

[s1ithers]

Know the Archenemy's words by their sweetness

[youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal]

Help I can’t stop laughing at my own wip fic

[spicyvampire]

Smooth criminal

THE SIGN (2023) EP. 1

+ Bonus : Evil nasty jellyfish

[vulptalia]

re: ur last post with the videos, i’d very much be interested to hear more on ur thoughts abt alfred and arthur’s relationship — the good and the bad — when alfred was growing up if you feel like sharing!

Anon, I could speak for hours on this (under the cut)

I’ll start with a blanket disclaimer that this is all my head cannon based loosely on real history and personal preference, and very very sparingly based on the actual Hetalia Cannon. Oh also TW for verbal/physical abuse.

The Nation personas, as I see them, are human-adjacent manifestations of a society under one sovereign nation. This is very open ended, I have no specifics on what quantifies when a persona is “born,” but nonetheless as far as humans are concerned: they know of these personas and have their own complicated relationships with them.

In blanket terms I think these personas were often deified by their cultures prior to the renaissance. Personas like Ancient Rome, or China, or even Japan were probably seen as immortal gods for long periods of their nations’ history. I’m no theologian so I can’t speak to how their existence would influence real life religions of the time, so for the most part I just say they go hand in hand. But nonetheless, to put it simply, the personas have always been seen as others. As I mentioned they are (practically) immortal, and age at an indiscriminate rate (more or less related to the existence of their nation), so pretty non-human in that regard.

I head cannon that Arthur was born in the Dark Ages, perhaps late-800CE. Because of Christian beliefs of the time he had multiple attempts on his life as a baby, as he grew slowly compared to other new-borns, and (evidently) couldn’t be killed. Eventually left in the woods to die, Arthur managed to survive, and grow, and spent decades away from people to avoid violence against him. However, come the establishment of a unified England under Athelstan (? Forgive my English history knowledge) and the establishment of other nations in Europe around the same time, with their own personas (HRE), the English began searching for their nation’s persona and Arthur revealed himself. He was around 200 years old at this point but physical appearance wise he was probably 12-14.

From there on out Arthur was an established figure of the monarchy and lead, (for the most part) a very luxurious life as the English established themselves as a hegemony in Europe. Ofc there’s things like the Hundred Years War, etc, but at this time I think Arthur was becoming very adjacent to his people; power hungry. He enjoyed the life of conquest and empire. Come the age of New World exploration and the knowledge of native tribes along side English and Spanish colonies in the Americas, Arthur most likely advised the English that another persona was likely born, and should be found as part of the race to claim North America.

I head cannon that Alfred was born in the Roanoke Colony (I found this fic shares the same interpretation and I love that!!! <3), and come whatever happened to the Roanoke settlers, Alfred was taken in by a local Native American tribe. I’ve done some research into local tribes during the time period but, in wanting to respect culture and get my facts right, I haven’t settled on a particular tribe or nation. Though I lean towards the Paspahegh. Alfred was of course a unique baby as well, taking years to grow into a toddler, however in alignment of Powhatan beliefs, I believe the Paspahegh would’ve seen Alfred as more akin to an offering: an example of healthy land, a healthy child. This to say, they had no interest in harming him and were not dissuaded by his slow aging.

Of course, as history would go: following the settlement of Jamestown and the Paspahegh Massacre, Alfred was given directly to Arthur (at his request) to raise and tend to. Alfred would be around 20 but physically he was 4, maybe 5. He doesn’t really remember the Massacre, and Arthur doesn’t talk about it.

Initially in the conquest for the New World I believe Arthur was very head strong and goal oriented, but actually meeting Alfred changed that for him. He had of course planned to raise this child for the sake of the English empire (a loyal colony), however he didn’t anticipate actually caring for him. Arthur falls for him hard and having Alfred actually causes him a great deal of anxiety. He fears Alfred will be attacked by people like he was, and he fears what the future holds for him. At this point in history Arthur had seen hundreds of battles, had fought in bloody, brutal wars, and worst of all had seen what people were capable of doing to things they feared. So, Arthur has a house built outside of Jamestown for him and Alfred, and he begins to raise him in solitude.

He’s strict, and of course very English. Alfred is raised in silks and taught piano with a private English education. He’s not allowed to leave the property and he certainly isn’t allowed to speak to anyone who isn’t Arthur, or the rotating house staff. However, Alfred is lively, and very American. He wants to play in the dirt, he wants to be anything but sheltered. From just the first few years together this sparked Arthur’s harsh parenting (to put it simply).

Think, aristocratic. Children should be seen, not heard. Slouching at the table got a slap on the wrist, dirtied clothes? A harsh lecture. “You should be grateful.” Alfred would misbehave, Arthur would yell.

Arthur was often called back to England, and thus spent months, if not years away from Alfred. During these trips Alfred learned to sneak out, and met Davie. I’ve mentioned this “rotating house staff,” who are obviously human, who serve for a time and then change their post (aka return to England). As my “cannon” goes Alfred grew from ages 4/5-16/17 from 1607 to 1770: meaning he grew about 11 years over the span of ~170 years. This to say Alfred was around different humans, though they were all trained royal staff, aka not personable. They guarded the land, fed Alfred, taught him his lessons, but never stayed longer than 3-4 years before being replaced; to a child living life-times longer than them, those few years might as well be a matter of minutes. So, growing bored and antsy whilst Arthur is away, Alfred escapes the confines of his home and meets colonists. The first human Alfred actually got to meet and speak to on his own, as far as I’m concerned, is Davie.

He visited Davie throughout his life, so presumably at least 50 years of watching what would one day be his nation, begin to flourish. Being "America" he probably not only felt a kinship with the colonists he met and observed, but also longed to be living with them and quickly grew tired of his English life-style, and the selfish rules Arthur imposed on him. I can't recall what the show states is cannon, but I don't think Alfred ever tells Arthur about Davie (at least, not while he's young). When Arthur returns from trips abroad Alfred acts as if he never left the house, and the staff don't snitch out of fear of capital punishment(lol). Instead Alfred spends years attempting to gain his own freedom from under Arthur's strict control of his life, attempting to persuade and getting in numerous arguments. He insists the world is not as horrid as Arthur states, and Arthur doesn't buy it for a second. Under duress of the Seven Years War their relationship fractures even more, and conveniently at the same time the American people are beginning to dread colonial rule.

In his own personal act of rebellion against Arthur, and as a final straw (running away from home) Alfred sought a seat at the First Continental Congress, solidifying himself in alignment with the American people, and revealing himself publicly as the nation’s persona. (Educated folk of the time most likely knew of Alfred’s existence but probably hadn’t considered him a contender this early in the revolution). From there of course, independence in declared, the nations go to war. As they say; the rest is history.

TLDR?;

Alfred was the first chance of a normal, human life Arthur had ever been given. He loved him, he loves him, more than anything but he didn't know how to care for him in a way that wouldn't smother him. Arthur had an ideal version of Alfred and Alfred's life in his mind and he would do anything to make that vision an reality, even if it meant ignoring Alfred's wants, even if it meant yelling at him, or hitting him. However, Alfred couldn't know this, he was a child, he loved Arthur, he loves him still, but he resented him for forcing him into a life he never asked for, and punishing him whenever he rebelled against it. The Revolution is the first of many small steps in mending their relationship, and it takes literal centuries of growth on both their parts until Arthur is willing to admit wrong doing and Alfred is willing to forgive.

[waitineedaname]

POV for the no excuses writing meme, please 👀 (i love this game so much!)

a bit of context: this is for my lesbingqiu wip inspired by that "can yuo put that out on me" tweet! the wip is from binghe's pov, so here's shen yuan instead. she strikes me as the kind of person to think being thirty makes her old (it does not lol)

--

Shen Yuan wasn't sure why Shang Qinghua had insisted on dragging her out drinking if she was just going to abandon her at the first sight of her situationship across the bar. She didn't care if Shang Qinghua insisted she needed to go out more! She had work to do! Never mind that her "work" these days mostly amounted to opening her dissertation document, glaring at it for an hour, and then closing it again. She was simply getting too old to go out drinking. She was thirty now; she might as well join a knitting circle if Qinghua was that worried about her social life.

She continued grumbling to herself as she lit her cigarette. It was much quieter outside the bar, though she could still feel the music thumping through the wall behind her. She would give Shang Qinghua another five or ten minutes to prove she hadn't completely forgotten about her, just long enough to take a smoke break, and then she'd leave. She could go home, change into her pyjamas, and spend the evening working through her reading list like she'd originally intended.

Her plans were interrupted by a sudden spike in the bar's volume as someone opened the door and stumbled out into the alley beside her. Shen Yuan nearly dropped her cigarette as she was suddenly confronted by the most absurdly beautiful woman she'd ever seen.

She wondered deliriously for a moment whether there had been a modelling event that she didn't know about, because there was no other explanation for a woman this gorgeous being loose in the wild. Her dress hugged her curves in all the right places, and she had the kind of artful curls that Shen Yuan thought only existed in professionally styled wigs. Her bone structure was fine, and her skin was perfect. Seriously, was Shen Yuan hallucinating?!

The woman was also, Shen Yuan realized, extremely drunk. She stumbled over her high heels, reaching out to support herself on the wall with a groan. Shen Yuan's hands itched to reach out and support her, but she resisted the impulse.

"Are you alright?" she asked instead. The woman looked up, startled, eyes wide as if she hadn't realized Shen Yuan was there. Absolutely no way those eyelashes were real. They had to be falsies.

The woman made a slightly incoherent noise, and Shen Yuan frowned. How drunk was she? She then abruptly stood up straighter, though she was clearly still supporting herself on the wall.

"I'm fine," she said, surprising Shen Yuan with a low, smooth voice like honey. "I just needed some fresh air."

Shen Yuan nodded sympathetically. Poor thing. "Drink a little too much?"

The other woman's lips pursed in a pout. "My friend ordered shots," she explained.

And then just let her wander off?! Shen Yuan would like a word with this friend of hers. "You should be careful with those," she cautioned. "They can get you drunk very fast."

The woman nodded with the earnestness of an eager student. "Jiejie is very wise."

Oh, she was far too cute. Is this what people were referring to when they talked about blessed interactions between drunk girls at a bar? Never mind that Shen Yuan was hardly buzzed herself. She wanted to pat this girl's head and give her more wisdom, even if this wasn't really her area of expertise.

"Would jiejie keep me company while I sober up?" asked the other woman, her speech slightly slurred and her dark eyes pleading. As if Shen Yuan could say no to eyes like that!

"Of course." Shen Yuan nodded. It was her responsibility, after all! A code of sisterhood, to look out for drunk girls! "What's your name?"

"Luo Binghe." She found a more comfortable position leaning against the wall, resulting in her curls spilling over her chest. Shen Yuan foolishly tracked the motion, then forced her eyes back up to Luo Binghe's face. Aiyah! That dress really left very little to the imagination! Wasn't she cold?! Should Shen Yuan offer her jacket? "What should I call jiejie?"

"Shen Yuan." She lifted her cigarette to her lips and took another drag in the hopes that it would make Luo Binghe's appearance less distracting. Luo Binghe was staring at her with an intensity that made her want to squirm. "Are you here for some special occasion?"

Luo Binghe just continued to stare at her for a while. Poor thing, she really must be drunk. Shen Yuan knew how slowly she processed things when she was drunk. She could be patient with the girl. "My friends wanted to celebrate me starting graduate school," Luo Binghe eventually explained. Her pretty features pulled in a slight frown. "I think it's just an excuse for them to get drunk."

Shen Yuan chuckled at the petulance on Luo Binghe's face. "Maybe, but that’s a worthy thing to celebrate. Congratulations on starting grad school."

"Thank you, Shen-jie." Luo Binghe's expression softened into a smile again, still laser-focused on Shen Yuan's face.

Shen Yuan took a moment to look Luo Binghe over again. Grad school, huh? Shen Yuan struggled to believe that, but she couldn't see why Luo Binghe would lie. It's just, Shen Yuan was in graduate school, and she felt horribly outclassed by the girl in front of her. With looks like hers, she could easily become an idol or something! She didn't deserve to waste away in academia like Shen Yuan, though she admired Luo Binghe's academic drive. And so young, too...

"You seem awfully young for grad school," Shen Yuan said. It could be that she just took good care of herself, but she wouldn't have been surprised if she'd said she was still an undergrad. "How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-five," Luo Binghe said.

"Twenty-five," Shen Yuan repeated. Twenty-five! And she was here, talking to thirty year old Shen Yuan outside a bar. Shen Yuan's earlier impression was right; this really was not the scene for her. "I think I’m officially too old for this bar. People will think I’m a creep if I keep coming around here." She took another drag from her cigarette, feeling morose over her age. "When I graduated high school, you would’ve been thirteen. Isn’t that weird?"

It had seemed like Luo Binghe was sobering up, but she suddenly wobbled on her heels. She was staring intensely at the cigarette in Shen Yuan's hand. "Can you put that out on me?" she slurred.

Shen Yuan's heart rate spiked. Ah! How could she be so oblivious? What kind of helpful jiejie was she if she was blowing smoke in Luo Binghe's direction?! "Oh! I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked if it was okay to smoke near you. I’ll put it out." She quickly ground it out on the wall. Luo Binghe made a pitiful noise of complaint, but that's okay, Shen Yuan had this handled now! No more smoke when Luo Binghe had specifically wanted to get fresh air!

"I know it’s a bad habit," Shen Yuan attempted to make an excuse for herself, her fingers itching with nervous energy. "It gives me something to do with my mouth and hands. I guess I should get a fidget cube or something less bad for me, but…" She trailed off with an awkward laugh.

Luo Binghe's eyes were still wide and slightly wet, fixated on her hands. Poor thing, the smoke must've made her eyes water. She opened her mouth, but she was interrupted by the door to the bar opening with a slam.

"Bing-jie!" A girl burst out of the bar, covered in jangling jewellery and not much in the way of actual clothing. She latched onto Luo Binghe's arm, speaking way too loudly to be sober. "You left your Ling-er all alone in the bar!"

Luo Binghe's expression immediately soured, but based on the way she didn't shove the other girl away, it was clear she knew her. Ah, Shen Yuan realized. This must be the friend who'd ordered the shots. Well, she'd just been planning to keep an eye on Luo Binghe until she sobered up or a friend joined her, and here was the friend. Her company was no longer needed here.

"I should probably get going," Shen Yuan said, giving Luo Binghe a soft smile. She had been scowling at her friend, but when she looked back up at Shen Yuan, her eyes were wide and puppyish again. "Get home safe, okay?"

Luo Binghe nodded, once again reminding her of an earnest student. "I will, Shen-jie."

Shen Yuan waved and left the alleyway. She sighed and pulled out her phone to call a cab. Shang Qinghua could find her own way home. Serves her right.

Still, the night wasn't a complete wash. Even as she made her way home, her thoughts drifted back to Luo Binghe. Did she get home alright? Was she drinking enough water? Would she be too hungover in the morning? A girl that pretty and that drunk could be a real target for unsavory people. Shen Yuan didn't doubt that she could handle herself -- those arms of hers were impressive -- but she couldn't help but worry.

Ah, well. Worrying wouldn't do her any good. It's not like they'd ever see each other again.

She put thoughts of Luo Binghe aside and decided to put her energy towards preparing orientation for her department's incoming graduate students.

[littlecrow4]

How we feeling about this??? Good? Bad?

Part of a fic I’m writing

[yj-polycule]

Batgirl, devastated after breaking up with Superboy, sees Wonder Girl and starts having ideas?

Dear requester, I adore you greatly for giving me that good CassCassie / CassCass concept because I stumbled upon that ship my accident and now I am fully invested.

- - - - - -

Cass was familiar with the concept of pain. She had to be. Every moment of her childhood was dedicated to mastering the art of inflicting as much pain as possible as effectively as possible. So no, pain wasn't anything new in Cass's world.

She just wasn't aware that a broken heart was such an effective means of causing it.

It wasn't that a broken heart was a new concept to her either. She had become quite familiar with it upon watching shows with Barbara or talking with Tim about his relationships of the past, yet she was blissfully unaware of how painful that single concept could truly be.

Maybe it was because it was her first heartbreak. The first real relationship she has had, and the first ending to one she has come across. Maybe it was because it wasn't a messy situation that brought them apart, that it was civil and a clean break that made her heart contract in on itself as they agreed that they were better off just remaining friends.

Didn't mean it hurt any less.

Tim helped. Despite him having known Kon for longer, the Robin still opted to spend him time with Cass, keeping her company, distracting her from the pain constricting in her chest, and just letting her know that it was normal. The playful jabs at the Kryptonian made laughter come much easier, knowing they were coming from a place of knowledge, rather than blind insults she had heard people commonly spew when addressing someone's ex. It was reassuring. Comforting, having her new friend be there for her.

It was in one of those moments of peace when the request came.

"Wanna join me for movie night this week?" The two were occupying the couch in the middle of the clock tower, Tim sprawled across the sofa with his legs resting on Cass's lap as she was staring blankly at the TV running across from them, not really taking in anything from the show that was playing. She felt her expression pinch, knowing who typically attended his weekly movie nights.

"Kon-el?" She forced the name out, feeling her chest tighten ever so slightly as it slipped between her lips.

"Can't make it this week. Something about Clark needing his help with something at the fortress of solitude or something like that."

"Ah. Filler then." Tension leaked out of Cass's shoulder at the confirmation Kon wasn't going to be there and cast her attention toward Tim, who had his face pinched in a soured expression.

"No... but kinda? As much as I know Cassie loves us, I doubt she could survive both Bart and I rambling for who knows how many hours without actually loosing her sanity." A small hum came from Cass at the explanation, a small smirk coming to her face.

"Sacrifice, then." Cass shifted her weight to avoid the pillow being half heartedly thrown her direction, smirk splitting into a true smile as Tim sat up, glaring at her with no real heat.

"I have other reason! Bart and Cassie have been wanting to meet you, and considering Kon won't be there I thought this would be a good an easy way for you guys to meet. Ya know, without the world ending and shit." Cass laughed softly, finally shoving the younger's legs off her lap. It honestly didn't sound like a bad time, plus she had been wanting to meet the rest of Young Justice, considering she has heard plenty about them from both Kon and Tim.

"Sounds fun. You'll pick me up?" Tim nodded at the question, a smile across his face before shifting himself to lean more fully against Cass, clearly satisfied with his work. Brown eyes rolled fondly as she pushed her weight against his, the two falling back into silence, gazes locked on the TV ahead.

-----

Saturday afternoon rolled around with no real fanfare, just Tim leading Cass to a small house in the suburbs of Gateway City. The younger was rambling about anything and everything while Cass just nodded along, happy to just listen as they approached the unassuming front door. A moment later the door slid open, revealing an older woman with brown hair, who's gaze skimmed over the two before falling into a welcoming smile.

"Tim, glad to see you could make it. And who is this?"

"Hey Ms. Sandsmark, this is Cass my..." Tim paused, turning his attention to Cass with a pinched expression as the two made eye contact. "Sister?" Cass gave a short nod. "Sister. Cassie and Bart wanted to meet her so I invited her, hope that isn't a problem."

Ms. Sandsmark's face warmed up as she looked at Cass, opening the door fully and signaling the two to come inside. "Not an issue at all. It's great to meet you Cass. The others are upstairs, but Bart might be in the middle of emptying my kitchen. I'm sure you know the way." Tim gave a nod toward the brunette before looping arms with Cass and pulling her deeper into the house and up a single flight of stairs. Cass let her eyes bounce around the space, taking in as much of it as she could.

It was a stereotypical suburban house, or as much as one as Cass could figure out from the media she's consumed. Pictures of a young girl with blond hair were scattered among the walls, awards and certificates hanging among them, addressed to both a Helena and Cassandra. The house as a whole had a warm, pleasant feeling to it that put Cass at ease as they finally stopped in front of a bedroom door, Tim throwing it open without abandon.

"Cassandra, meet Cassandra. Cassandra, Cassandra." Tim strut into the room, signaling toward Cass before shifting his hand toward a blonde teenager sitting in the middle of a twin bed against a wall. Cass watched as hazel eyes rolled in amusement before the other teenager pushed herself to her feet and walked over to the two bats, shoving Tim playfully toward the bed before turning her attention to the older of the Bats.

"Helpful as always Rob. I'm Cassie, nice to finally put a face to the name," The blonde, Cassie, extends a hand toward Cass, who stares at it for a moment, taking in the other's body language. Relaxed, unguarded, powerful, welcoming... pretty.

Cass paused, her mind replaying that last observation over and over again as she just stared at Cassie's hand. Cassie's face fell slightly as she glanced over at Tim, clearly trying to decipher if she did something wrong. Hesitance, worry. Almost instantly, Cass reached out and took Cassie's hand, giving the other a reassuring squeeze and smile.

"You too. Tim talks... highly of you." Cass tries to put as much reassurance in her voice, hoping to get across to the blonde that she was being genuine. The hurt melted away instantly, replaced with a smug look as hazel eyes glanced over toward Tim, who has already written off their introduction in favor of paying attention to his phone.

"Does he now? I didn't know he knew how to give out compliments." The teasing was rich in the demi-goddess' tone as Tim instantly shot up a middle finger in their direction, startling a laugh out of both of them. Cass found any hesitation melting off her at the sound of Cassie's laughter in the small bedroom. A warm feeling settled in her stomach as the blonde's attention was turned back to Cass.

"Come on, let's get settled somewhere before Bart comes back and throws himself on top of all of us," Cassie grabbed Cass's hand lightly before dragging the older teen toward the bed. It was almost too easy how Cass followed the pull, letting herself be directed by the other into a comfortable position between her both and the demigoddess.

The trio all settled into their place, Tim leaning against Cass, unintentionally pushing her into Cassie's side. The two made brief eye contract, Cassie simply smiling at the other and pushing her weight equally back. Cass didn't even notice her face heating up with a slight blush at the action.

She also didn't notice, that for the first time since the break up, her heart wasn't in pain. Instead, it was replaced with a soft feeling of comfort and worth.

That was probably something she could address later.

[tomaturtles]

IT'S KAWOSHIN DAY!!! As well as the last day of Kawoshin Week :') It's been such a blast, gonna miss it when it's over

Kawoshin Week Day 7: Cuddling/domestic fluff! + Sleepover and Spinoffs (again)! Based on the Campus Apocalypse sleepover chapter ☺️

[zenkindoflove]

10 desperately

For Elucien, but like, not an established relationship.

10...desperately.

Okay, Anon. This one got smutty. I mean, I read desperately and that's where my brain went. So this is very NSFW.

10…desperately

Elain closed her bedroom door, taking her first deep breath of the day. 

He was here, of course. And because he was here, that meant that her body was not her own. Her nose could always pick up his scent, even when he was in the adjacent room. Her eyes always found him, trailing over his lean frame, noticing how nicely his pants fit him. And her ears could hear the consistent beating of his heart, thud thud, thud thud, thud thud. 

It also meant that a more primal possession controlled her emotions. The part of her that ached for his touch.

She ignored it, of course. It was improper and senseless. Her mate was still a stranger to her, and despite the call of the mating bond, Elain was determined to maintain some of her dignity. 

An entire day of ignoring her instincts left her sore and sensitive. As she slipped on her nightgown, the brush of the fabric against her nipples infused a whimper in her throat. She squeezed her core, her sex tingling with desire. It had been like this since she was Made. As a human, she remembered having a libido, but whether it was being a Fae or the mating bond, Elain found that her sexual hunger could be insatiable at times. Lucien usually had the good sense to not stay the night, and she was able to take care of her needs without him in the house. However, tonight she had heard him agree to Feyre’s offer, citing that he had a little too much to drink. 

She could still hear his heart beating through the wall. He was put in the room down the hall, and if she listened close enough, she was sure she could hear his feet rustling against the floor as he got ready for bed. 

She slid under her covers, keeping her hands over the comforter. She closed her eyes, laying on her side, squeezing her thighs tightly together. She could ignore this. She could fall asleep. 

Her thoughts drifted as she laid there. She thought about what Lucien could be doing at that very moment. Was he lying in bed as well? Did he sleep in pajamas, or just sleep pants? Maybe he wore nothing to bed at all. Maybe beneath his sheets, he was hard, his cock aching to be touched like her pussy ached now. Maybe he ran his hand over himself, rubbing his palm against his shaft once to try and relieve some of the pressure. 

Elain rolled over on her stomach, pulling her top sheet around her and bunching it up underneath. She grinded her mound against it, seeking pressure on her throbbing clit. She knew that this alone wasn’t enough to fully satisfy her, but maybe she could soothe the growing need. Chase it away, at least until morning. She thought of Lucien. She had never seen his body, but she had a fantasy in her mind of what he would look like. She rocked her hips, biting her lip as the little release of pleasure only built her growing momentum. It seemed to only make her hunger worse. She groaned, rolling on her back as she stared up at the ceiling. 

She felt something new. Some new desire filled her chest. It was raw and jagged. It sunk its teeth into her and she purred, letting the new sensation stroke her up and down. Up and down, and then Elain realized, this desire was not her own. She popped her eyes open in surprise, as she pieced together what was happening. She was feeling Lucien’s arousal down the bond. And he was…taking care of himself. 

It was still her imagination, but she could see him more clearly now. He was naked, lying on his back in bed, stroking his erection in his fist, his head thrown back with his eyes closed shut. 

Elain bunched the bottom of her nightgown in her fists, pulling it up and over her breasts. She usually didn’t wear underwear to bed, and she immediately slid her fingers through her folds. She was soaking wet, her day-long arousal making her slick and ready. She explored first, feeling how swollen she had become, toying with her entrance as she tweaked one of her nipples, until she focused on the spot that she knew would take her all the way. She rubbed her clit slowly, more than familiar now with how much pressure and speed she needed. She could make this quick. If she could feel him, she knew he would be able to feel her. It terrified and excited her all at once. 

It was different this time. It felt like she had an audience, and it made her even more sensitive. She stroked her clit faster and faster, already a surge building inside of her. She could feel Lucien peaking too, his energy ferocious and needy. But just as she approached the edge of oblivion, she suddenly hit a wall. Her acceleration stopped and she petered out. 

“No,” she whined, and she tore her nightgown over her head. She still ached, having the distinct need to be filled, and filled by something big. Something that was just on the other side of the bond, still edging on the brink. 

She felt desperate. She knew she wasn’t thinking straight, but she had been dealing with all of this on her own for two, long, excruciating years. Her body was not her own as it tugged on the bond. 

Lucien winnowed in front of her bed in an instant, completely naked. His eyes trailed over her body, drinking her in before he prowled forward on his hands and knees across the bed. His body was even better than she imagined. All lean muscles and broad, thick shoulders and biceps. Elain held her breath as he hovered over her, and she darted her sight down, taking in that thick cock that stood in attention against his flat abs. He didn’t speak, and he didn’t touch her, as he waited for her to make the first move. 

She snatched him by the back of his head and pulled his face down to kiss him. She poured her desperation into that kiss. The need for him that never stopped bleeding. The pain of her own stubbornness, of her fear and her reluctance. How she couldn’t bring herself to think of what a first step might be. What knowing him would do to her. How she understood that after just one touch, she would be his forever. How she kept herself at a distance, not ready for forever yet. 

But oh, she had to be ready now, didn’t she? 

Her kiss was a signal for Lucien to finally let go. He kissed her with tongue, diving and lapping at hers, showing her exactly what the promise of his body held. His mouth never left hers as he slid his fingers through her slit, picking up where she left off as he circled her clit until she clung to his shoulders, and he swallowed her cry of ecstasy while she climaxed against his hand. 

As Elain came down from her high, the aching, desperate need was gone, satiated by Lucien’s expert fingers. But a new temptation cast a spell over her. She hooked her knees over Lucien’s hips, crossing her legs behind him as she pulled him flush against her sex. As Lucien tore his mouth away from hers, she chased after him with her tongue, swiping a lick over his teeth and lips. He dropped his face to the crook of her neck, inhaling with a deep sniff, before groaning and pulling his hips back. He reached a hand between them, lining his cock up at her entrance. 

He didn’t push inside of her immediately, and Elain grew impatient with his hesitancy. She practically growled, tightening her legs around his ass and pushing him forward. 

She only took moments to adjust before Lucien quickened his thrusts. They both knew this would be fast, neither of them considering taking it slow. This wasn’t about learning each other's bodies. This was about soothing a burn. Elain grabbed a fist full of Lucien’s hair, tugging him down so that he could kiss her again. She wanted him to fill her mouth as well as her pussy. He pounded into her, his hard, fast movements building her up again, this time to a peak fiercer and more dangerous. Elain realized she was meeting his thrusts too, jutting her hips forward so that her clit grinded against his pelvis. She forgot about being quiet, and as her orgasm crashed through her, the most feral wail rang out of her throat. Lucien groaned as he collapsed on top of her, chanting the word “Fuck” over and over into her ear. 

Elain loosened the grip on his hair, running her hands over his scalp in a gentle caress. Her entire body tingled, a hazy, blissful fog making her forget that she and Lucien had barely spoken ten words to each other since they met. She cradled him, loving the way he felt still hard inside of her. Once the haze faded, she knew they were in for the most awkward pillow talk of all time. But for now, she basked in the moment, feeling whole inside her body for the first time. 

Kiss prompts.

[ofcrowsanddragons]

Have you ever written a first kiss scene that somehow involves no kissing?

[rockingrobin69]

Basic Maths

“Draco said he can’t sleep,” Harry admitted, half-mumbled into his coffee, for some reason blushing over this, mostly concerned, but Ron just hummed and said, “That’s sweet.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What’s sweet?”

Freckled nose scrunched up. “You said he can’t sleep. Because he misses you. That’s a bit sweet, isn’t it?”

“I never said,” gasping, “Ron, it’s been three days. He can’t be missing me so much after three fucking days.”

The look on his face, exasperated and something else. “Mate.”

“What?”

“You what. Why do you think—no, it’s too early in the morning.” Tapping his shoulder, this tired look that had nothing to do with the fact it was barely six. “Harry, you’re my best mate, but you’re rubbish at this.”

That’s exactly what he was so scared of. Being rubbish at this. He didn’t know how to do—any of this, didn’t know how to, say, think the right words. Worried he’s misinterpreting everything because he’s so desperate for the tiniest of shred of… Enough. Another sip of coffee, miserable: enough.

“Harry,” great, now Ron sounded miserable too, “I didn’t mean—”

“It’s fine,” rougher than intended. “It’s fine. Let’s just get to work, all right?”

Ron stared at him for the longest moment, but then he sighed, and his shoulders rolled with it. “All right. We’ll talk about this tonight?”

“Sure thing.”

They won’t.

*

“And he got me another one, although I specifically said not to,” trying for a pout, ending somewhere like a sigh, rolling his eyes at how ridiculous this man was, and Hermione smiled and said, “What a wanker.”

“Right?” twitching in his seat.

“Absolutely. Getting you the pastry you like even though you specifically told him not to.”

“It’s just, every time we go to his place he—‘Mione, he’s worse than Molly.”

Hermione’s eyebrow arched. “Uh-huh. Worse, you say. Harry, you’ve not stopped smiling all day.”

“What? No I’ve not.” Nonsensically offended. “I’m… just wish I knew what he’s thinking.”

The look in her eyes, something terrible, hot and itchy like pity. “Harry.”

“No, I know, I know. I’m blowing it all out of proportions and it’s not a big deal and it shouldn’t be, right, we’re casual, and we’re friends, and that’s a lot more important. There’s no need to overcomplicate it.”  

“Harry—”

“It’s fine.” Coughed until he’s convinced himself too. “It’s fine. Let’s just… eat, yeah?”

He could see she was dying to say it, but thankfully, mercifully, she just grimaced and shook her head. “Fine. You’ll figure this out, won’t you?”

“Yeah. Probably.”

He won’t.

*

“Then he knocked on the door with the scarf in his hands. Gin, I think he went all the way back just to get it.”

“Mad,” Ginny said and stole another chip from his Styrofoam tub. “No, that man is completely mad, so much is true.”

“Isn’t he just. He was soaking wet—I had to convince him to stay and take a bath while his clothes went in the tumble drier.” Left unsaid: how impossibly soft Draco had looked in Harry’s robe, with his hair curling sweetly and his cheeks all pink. How he curled on Harry’s sofa and watched the telly with an arched eyebrow, obviously not following but still enchantingly caught.

Left unsaid how Harry leaned closer just to smell his own shampoo on Draco, how it squeezed his chest so tight he thought he might die. How lovely, how brilliant, how terrible it was to have him this close and this warm and this wrong.

“Harry,” Ginny’s sigh brought him back to the café, to the bright lights and the ache that still didn’t quite leave his belly, “you’re such a bloody idiot, I could strangle you.”

“Hmm? What? Why!”

“Why. He asks me why. You practically have love-hearts for eyes and here you are asking me why.”

Harry grunted something not-quite in English. “I don’t… it doesn’t matter. How I feel. He’s the one who said about keeping it casual. He’s obviously not—” lost the rest of the sentiment to a sigh, bone-crushing. Ginny was staring at him with an open mouth.

“Doesn’t matter,” she repeated, sounding dazed. “Harry, you berk, just talk to him.”

“We talk all the time.”

“No, I mean, actually talk to him. Why's that so terrifying? You’re meant to be this fairly-brave man, remember?”

Meant to be, was the point exactly. If she asked him to step into a burning house to save him (and not that it was a fantasy that Harry spent so much time dreaming about, in frightening detail)—but this was something else. Harry’s never learned how to… won’t be able to handle this particular loss. After everything, this would be the thing to break him, of that he was sure.

“Just talk to him. You’ll see, everything will be all right.”

It won’t.

*

“Just wondering if, erm, you know when he’s meant to be back, or…” his voice died into a croak. Pansy, still with her arms crossed, glared.

“No idea. Now, if that’s all.” Going for the door, and Harry’s heart—

“Wait!” with his foot forward, with his chest writhing, “wait, it’s not all. I don’t understand why he’s so angry. What did I do? Pans, please.”

Must have been the tone that got to her, the crack in his voice, because Pansy’s frown softened. “You two will be the death of me. I swear, if I have to listen to him whining one more time—”

“What is he whining about? Why… he looked so miserable. And now I can’t eat anything or get any sleep and I need to know, I need to know why he’s so upset and how to make it right. How do I make it right?”  

Pansy’s wide eyes. “What… you’re joking. Why he’s upset? Not even you are that clueless.”

“But what if I am. What if I am, and I’m losing my mind. I miss him so terribly it’s like my belly’s on fire and it’s only been a couple of days and please, I just, don’t understand why he’s angry with me when I’m so bloody—” exhausted, and terrified, and mostly exhausted. Not the lack of sleep: the lack of Draco in his life, the lack of his smile and his snarl and his cologne, and his hair and his eyes and his hands.

“Shit,” Pansy said, something flashing on her face. “You’re bonkers for him too, aren’t you.”

Wasn’t really a question, but Harry still nodded, tragic. Swallowed. Swallowed again. Bonkers for him too. “You’re not trying to say…” but he couldn’t even finish. She was, he thought, trying to say. “Why didn’t he just—tell me? I’ve been—he’s—no, that’s not possible.”

“Not possible,” Pansy said.

“No, no. He would have—I’ve been—for years. He’d have said something. I couldn’t be more obvious if I fucking tried.”

“Have you met Draco?” sneering again. “Our Draco?”

Something like laughter, hot and terrible, itchy up his throat. “Okay, yes, but…” not sure how to, what to, so panicked because he couldn’t face losing him, not Draco, their Draco, his Draco. “How do I make him realise. That I—too. That I, more.”

Sighing dramatically: “I think you know how.”

Already taking a step back, still shaking his head, his whole chest fluttering with giddy panic: “I—I have to—”

“Go, you arsehole,” but she was smiling.

What if Draco refused to speak to him? What if he wouldn’t listen. What if it was too late. What if he didn’t want Harry anymore? Harry tried to breathe.

He couldn’t.

*

“Idiot,” Draco was laughing, dear and too bright in his arms. “I can’t believe you…”

“I can’t believe you,” delirious with joy, burst open with affection, “you git, why didn’t you just tell me.”

“Beg pardon? Why didn’t you just tell me?”

On the sofa, curled around each other, and this humming in Harry’s ears that could only be contentment, that could only be burning, aching relief. “Dunno. Suppose it was… I couldn’t bring myself to risk it. I was too scared.”

Draco’s eyes were so grey and so close. “I thought I was so obvious. I thought—”

“I know.” Couldn’t believe he just gets to kiss his nose like that. Couldn’t believe Draco’s arms around him or the little sound he made when Harry nuzzled his neck. “We were maybe being a little silly.”

“A little,” Draco said, fondness dancing in his eyes. “Come here.”

Harry would, always, always. “Kiss me, you silly man.”

“Impatient, are we. I’ve only wanted this for, what… what are you doing, you berk!” to Harry, lifting him in the air a bit with the jump and settling again, closer, ever closer. Draco’s laughter rang in his ears, soothed something in his writhing belly.

“We’re not casual,” Harry said. “I’m so serious about you, Draco.”

“Not casual,” he nodded. “Is this what you wanted? Are you happy?”

Too much for words: he was.

(Flufftober day 5. Find the soft AO3 collection here).