#133. ❝i stand here waiting; the last to fall.❞ — V9 ( nephila )

[decoysouled]

200 dialogue prompts // accepting. @ironbloodcd // ❛ you look awful. what happened? ❜ - from Lyney, for Aether, Spider-Verse

IT IS A BIT BLUNT, especially coming from someone who has a tendency to dress words up in ribbon as if they are bouquets of flowers — perhaps that is the true sign that Aether has worn himself thin as of late, a tendency he has yet to vanquish & a habit he tends to try & hide if only to avoid worrying the very people he has sworn to help.

Nonetheless, it seems that today, he is unable to hide the exhaustion that drags him into oblivion nor the sluggishness in his movements, the type that is prominent in his somewhat slow reaction time as he turns his gaze from the streets below to Lyney at the sound of his voice. Aether isn't so sure the strained smile he offers is of any comfort, considering it is likely far too late to distract him or act as if he is completely fine now that Lyney has witnessed his display of weakness.

( they do not wish to show vulnerability, yet it seems as if there is no other option when it has been caught from the very start. )

If anyone else was asking, he would have deflected the words — claimed it was not as it seemed, statements that he was simply distracted were often what fell from his lips on days such as this, accompanied by an averted gaze & an avoidance of spending too much time with anyone perceptive enough to figure out that not all was as well as Aether tried to portray it as.

It seemed Lyney fell into that category of seeing right through him, much to his chagrin, but it couldn't be helped when Aether was not just a fleeting presence in his life like he was in that of most people. For a moment, he considers if it would be worth it to try & fool him into believing that Aether was alright, but he decides against it after only a few moments of thought.

( after all, they are not only tired. there is a bruise blossoming on their jaw & a small gash on the back of their hand that speaks to a fight gone wrong & an attempt to seek refuge in the company of a friend rather than deal with the rather minor injuries they have acquired. )

❝I don't look that bad, do I?❞ It is a question asked less out of curiosity & more a wish to gauge whether he truly looks like he's been put through the wringer or if Lyney is being hyperbolic — unfortunately, Aether holds no doubt that the statement is anything other than a truthful observation given by a concerned friend. He can hope otherwise but in the end, it is likely any dream he looked alright would be crushed the moment an answer is given.

( for better or for worse, they cannot tell. it is not a truth they want to hear, regardless of circumstance, albeit it is one they will accept like a bitter medicine. )

❝I had a rough day.❞ He admits after a moment of silence, turning his gaze back from Lyney to the city below where he sits on the edge of a rooftop, careful not to be close enough to fall — even if the only consequence to doing so would be scaring those around him. ❝I was helping someone out in a different world & I got caught off guard, hence...❞ He gestures slightly to his face, lips curled into a slight frown.

❝I'm okay. There's no need to worry.❞ Reassurance is all he can offer, a promise that he will remain & he will not crumble like the castles of old despite the eons he has lived through — if death were to come for him, it would have been a long time ago before the monuments of his homeworld fell into the darkness of dimensional collapse. However, it was no friend of Aether's, thus it would never accept him as it did most others.

( & how long would it be until lyney, too, was just a fleeting moment in their history? )

❝If you have the time to spare, I wouldn't reject your company, you know?❞ It is spoken with hesitance, as if he's unsure of whether Lyney actually wants to stay or if he was just passing by & happened to spot Aether — usually, when visiting this world, he would have sought Lyney out, but today he had not found himself feeling as if he could, afraid to bother him with his troubles. Suddenly, that feeling is a little less solid & a little more ridiculous.

❝I think it would comfort me to hear about your day. If you'd like to share.❞

[decoysouled]

TRUTH BE TOLD, no amount of having loved would ever make the loss worth it & Aether has known this truth for the longest of times — it would have been better if he had never allowed himself attachment, if he hadn't had people he loved before he was thrust into the fate that all those like them are: one of sacrifice, one of selflessness, one of loneliness. Once, Aether had been faced with these same questions, these same agonies that Kazuha was.

His own answers were not so kind. How am I supposed to be this hero? Kazuha asks & Aether keeps his mouth shut because he knows his answer & he knows it isn't kind & knows it is as follows: You are no hero & never will be, not truly, because so long as you are one of us, your eternity will be paved in suffering. Those you love will die because of you.

The truth is this: Aether does not live with himself. Each day, he looks in the mirror & does not recognise himself. Every morning, he prays that today will be his end. Every evening, he mourns for those he has lost & cries for the fact he is still here, so long after that he no longer recognises their voices & can no longer picture their faces. He does not get back up from his sorrows, simply storing them within his chest as if he was made to carry them & nothing else.

These burdens of his... Those are his fate.

❝My answer & yours will be different.❞ Aether states, his gaze cast toward the skyline, a refusal to look at tearful eyes longer than he has to — he sees the reflection of himself within them & he cannot bear to think on that any longer. ❝You're mortal, aren't you? You will die someday & join those you have lost.❞ & how blessed those who could die were & how little they realised it. Most days, Aether finds himself jealous of those who would not carry this burden for eons.

Most days, he wishes he could rip his heart out & watch it bleed his sorrows until they vanished.

❝Of those I once loved, I can no longer recall the way they smiled or the softness of their voices.❞ Aether speaks, his voice so incredibly quiet & filled with an indescribable ache for the dearly departed. ❝You will learn to carry it with you eventually. We all do.❞ & just because he carried it with him did not mean it did not hurt. Just because he had come to terms with it did not mean each detail forgotten was not a knife to the heart.

❝For the best of us, these moments are unavoidable. Simply drops of water in a pool of fate. You will watch people die & you cannot save them, but their deaths were not meaningless & they were no fault of yours.❞ Not truly, because no one could prevent the web of death that haunted the people like them — the stories of spider-people were riddled with tragedy.

❝For the worst of us....❞ Like me. ❝We watch them die to protect us, knowing we could have done something. That burden is not yours, do not make it so.❞

@artificeheart small plotted starter (Spider-verse)

❝People always tell you how it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all when you're grieving. As if it helps, as if it offers any semblance of comfort. They don't understand the anger or the GUILT that takes root when someone you love dies becuase of you. Because of who you are. You, though? YOU DO, don't you? I can see it in your eyes. In the way you're looking at me.❞ 

To Kazuha, at this moment, it seemed like there was an unspoken connection between the two- a level of understanding that was becoming increasingly rare to come across these days; his new identity was resulting in him becoming increasingly isolated, given that everyone around him that mattered had wound up dead. 

❝How do you do it? How do you live with yourself? How am I supposed to be this HERO when I have so much blood on my hands?❞ Tear-filled eyes rise to meet the outlanders directly, a silent plea within them.  

❝What am I supposed to do?❞

[decoysouled]

TAG DUMP // AETHER.