#12 year old me would be so proud of today me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

joltai-showa · 4 months ago

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still thinking about Obito's tendencies to hang upside down so why not talk about something even more funny

now Obito is obviously trolling the Konoha squad in that moment, acting like a complete idiot and weirdo and all, usual stuff for Tobi. Obito is being a weird little bat on purpose, it's all an act

you know who among Akatsuki, a very scary and a totally serious organization, also acted like a weird little bat, but without it all being an act?

allow me to introduce you to the final page of chapter 238

Kishimoto, why is Deidara's first appearance is him being upside down during Akatsuki's zoom meeting?

(which is supposedly the first one in 7 years since Orochimaru ditched them, but whatever, no fucking way these guys can remain semi-organized without a good old online meetup, I do not care for canon's opinion when it conflicts with my funny headcanons)

But seriously, it's been almost 10 years since I read the manga for the first time and there's still no explanation as to why Deidara did that LMAO. Logic dictates that it's simply Kishimoto not finishing up the designs for his new villains (rinnegan's design wasn't finalized until, like, Akatsuki Supression arc, I believe? there's someone TOWERING over Kisame who is 195cm already and at the end of the day remains Akatsuki's tallest member, etc etc), but I've got a PhD in overthinking Naruto details and turning them into shitposts that sometimes also turn into fanfiction, so I will take this one tiny detail and make myself laugh until I cry.

To me this moment is just so precious because it's actually a scene from OG Naruto, meaning that it's pre-timeskip, so Deidara here is only 16. And this just proves to me that Deidara's puberty (there is no exact indicator as to when Deidara was abducted recruited into Akatsuki, but I assume it happened sometime when he was 12, because during his recruitment we see Itachi (and we know that he joined Akatsuki after the massacre, so he was 13 and he's got a 2 year difference with Deidara), Kisame (who, judging by his pre-death flashbacks, joined AFTER Itachi, meaning some time had to have passed since the massacre) and Sasori (who wouldn't have a partner after Itachi joined because Orochimaru just couldn't resist trying to get that Sharingussy, but Akatsuki don't operate on their own in general, so I doubt Sasori would have been left without a partner for a long time, a year max) and during this zoom meeting 16-year-old Deidara speaks like he's very much aligned with Akatsuki's goals and grudges which would be very weird if he joined them against his will just recently, so a year or more would have to pass between Deidara's recruitment and the OG Naruto zoom meeting) was arguably one of the worst things that organization as a whole had to go through because teenage Deidara was JUST BUILT DIFFERENT.

Don't mind the fact that even as an adult he starts tweaking if he doesn't get to explode something every few hours (I would imagine that teenage rage and angst would only exacerbate this issue), but he would also just want to "look cool" and wouldn't listen to anyone in any position of authority AT ALL. Going back to this scene of Akatsuki's zoom call, we can see (and for certain characters assume because once again designs here are kind of wack) that these overly serious members like Pain, Konan, Kakuzu and Sasori are PRESENT and just... don't do anything about Deidara's antics? They just gave up at some point LMAO. And a while ago, I presume.

16-year-old Deidara, proud and puffed up as a lion: You can stay on the ground as boring old men you are, but I'm going to hang upside down today, hm!

Pain, the acting leader of this very serious and lethal organization that for some reason took in a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old because, I dunno, the real leader thought it would be funny, sighing: okay, Deidara...

I also don't believe that it was ever specified how Nagato's zoom jutsu works, but I think Akatsuki's members simply sit in whatever position they want and their projection is different from their actual position which means that. yeah. Deidara does a bat cosplay. because he wants to. baby why are you like that.

but I also like to imagine Deidara actually hanging on the ceiling during the meetup and the gang just going

Pain: Sasori, can't you grab a mop or something and swat him off of there?

Sasori, in the most dead inside voice imaginable: you are not paying me enough to do that. in fact, you would not last a minute in the asylum I'm living in. you can't give me 40 minutes of peace, can you?

honestly props to Onoki for finding a way to both continue using Deidara's skills for his goals (by just fucking paying Akatsuki and calling it a day) and keep the village intact, teenage Deidara just seems like the trial version of what Akatsuki members could expect on their missions. like, if you can't manage the stress of dealing with the (pony)tailed beast, you have no business trying to fight an actual tailed beast.

I'm also thinking that adult Deidara aka Shippuden Deidara would think himself really cringe for doing this shit when he was younger and feels kind of embarrassed in front of the other members (who unfortunately besides Hidan were there to witness his cringe bat phase of growing up in your local terrorist daycare organization), so he's pretty quiet during the zoom meetings when we get properly introduced to him.

That's, of course, until Deidara gets partnered with Tobi.

I can imagine the two of them competing who can last longer hanging upside down and now Pain really can't do anything to stop this bullshit because it's his actual boss and his clueless partner making their own bat nest during their zoom meeting. He just tiredly glances over at Konan who gives him a "I told you Yahiko was right and we shouldn't have joined forces with this guy, but when do you ever listen to me" look.

The gang would be discussing something like Kakuzu and Hidan brutally murdering Asuma (who's Obito's classmate btw and whose mother he already killed a while ago) and trying to steal his corpse to sell for some cash and in the background above them Tobi'll be yelling something like "senpai, watch what I can do" and start turning cartwheels on the ceiling.

tl;dr Obito and Deidara match each other's freak when it comes to doing weird shit for no apparent reason other than to fuck with everyone while on the job. thanks for coming to my TobiTalk

#naruto #jolt showa's ramblings #obidei #tobidei #deidara #uchiha obito #akatsuki

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fellthemarvelous · 9 months ago

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Aziraphale hate makes my brain hurt.

Like let's be really fuckin' for real here.

Neurodivergent fans have repeatedly said that Aziraphale is autistic coded. I agree with them. I have never been diagnosed but I wonder about myself. If only I could get a doctor to take me seriously enough to test me for it, but alas, I'm a 43-year-old woman living in the good ole US of A.

Those with religious trauma have repeatedly said that they identify with him as well. I'm one of those people. I endured 12 years of Catholic schools and just as much time being taught a very black and white view of things that I've had to spend more than 20 goddamn fucking years working to unlearn.

I find that my views as a survivor of religious abuse are often dismissed because people keep wanting to say "Aziraphale doesn't have religious trauma." Yes, thank you, I get that, but unless you've been indoctrinated and brainwashed into a very black and white view of the world, you probably don't understand the kind of feelings Aziraphale's onscreen experiences evoke in so many of us. Heaven might not be real, but the feelings of "God is always watching" still stick with me today even though I no longer believe in God. I have entirely denounced Christianity because of my own personal experience, and I refuse to allow people to try and guilt me or shame me for trauma that I didn't ask for. I wasn't given a choice.

As a child I was told that God was real and always watching everything you do (just like Santa Claus) and can hear everything you say and knows everything you are thinking. Do you know what I learned to do in order to cope with this overwhelming and anxiety-inducing information as a small child? I learned to censor my thoughts. I never spoke up, and I have always felt like I was putting on a show for people because I had to be who I was told to be or I would get into trouble.

Aziraphale said "poverty is a virtue" during The Resurrectionists, and as someone who grew up in the Bible belt and went to private schools, I was taught this very same shit by the Catholic church. He learned in that very same episode that "poverty is a virtue" is actually a tool of oppression to keep the poor poor and the wealthy wealthy. I know we all watched the episode. He went into that episode believing what he said, but by the end of it he knew it was actually utter bullshit. Aziraphale is not ignorant. He's highly intelligent, and he has never been too proud to admit when he has been wrong. He accepts that the information he learned before is not matching up with reality.

And it's so obvious some of you have zero experience with that type of indoctrination because of how very little empathy you show Aziraphale for his "mistake" of "choosing Heaven over Crowley" and "making Crowley sad" so clearly Aziraphale must somehow be "abusive" and "manipulative" and "selfish" and "self-centered" because he didn't choose to run away with Crowley at the end of season two.

First of all.

FIRST OF ALL...

Aziraphale has a mind of his own.

Aziraphale is always going to try and do what is right.

Aziraphale is an angel. He's a being of love. And the reason he's so "bad" at being an angel is because he actually wants to protect humanity. He has always loved humanity. He repeatedly has to contend with what is "right" versus what is "good" and "wrong" versus "evil". Yeah, he has flaws. He's an angel, not a goddamn fucking saint. He has lived on Earth for more than 6,000 years. He has seen everything. He loves doing human things.

He's obsessed with magic. It makes him so happy. He's not very good at it...well not when he's trying to put on a show for Crowley.

He chose to learn French the hard way, so even though he knows every single language in the world, he chooses to be mediocre at French. Something that annoys and amuses Crowley at the same time.

He loves to dance even though angels aren't supposed to dance, and dancing with Crowley was what he wanted the most.

He owns a bookshop and refuses to sell any of his books because they are books he's had for as long as there have been books. He will chase customers away from his collection, and Crowley understands how much they mean to Aziraphale because he refuses to sell any when Aziraphale leaves him in charge.

He and Crowley have been speaking to each other in coded language for more than 6,000 years. They have to be very careful about what they say because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Heaven has photographs of Crowley and Aziraphale sitting or standing together throughout history. Hell had one photo of Crowley and Aziraphale actually working together and it was Aziraphale's quick thinking and how good he actually is at sleight of hand tricks that managed to get that photo out of Furfur's hands so he wouldn't be able to turn Crowley over to the Dark Council.

Aziraphale saved Crowley from being taken to Hell again. He wasn't able to save Crowley from Hell in Edinburgh, but he sure as heck managed to save Crowley from Hell during WWII. He took Crowley to his bookshop and showed Crowley that he stole the picture from Furfur. He saved Crowley.

You get that, right?

Aziraphale SAVED Crowley.

People always talk about how it's "always Crowley saving Aziraphale" because apparently heroic acts are only heroic when they are grand gestures. The sleight of hand wasn't heroic at all, am I right? It wasn't sparkly and showy. It wasn't interesting enough, therefore not heroic. At least that's all I'm hearing when people start with their "blah Aziraphale deserves to suffer because I have no imagination or ability to understand the media in front of me blah", and all these reasons he deserves to suffer is because Crowley almost got hurt.

Aziraphale did that without flinching and I watch that part closely every single time. He's not scared for himself. He's scared for Crowley, and he managed to hold onto that photograph. He did not fail Crowley. He protected Crowley.

And so here's another thing that we like to point out. The way that Aziraphale, an angel who is effeminate and male presenting, an angel who is soft and full of love, an angel who is kind and forgiving because he has empathy and compassion, is somehow painted as abusive and manipulative. He's not violent, but he could easily fuck up your world. He doesn't use his powers. We have no idea how powerful he is because we only ever see him do small acts. He's used to hiding. It's the only way he has ever been able to protect Crowley.

And I'm not saying that Aziraphale has actually saved Crowley before means that Crowley hasn't also saved Aziraphale. Like, you get that those are not mutually exclusive and their relationship is not transactional, right? They have spent their entire existence protecting each other but never actually getting to be together because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Yeah, Crowley fell. We all know this. We are aware of this. He was the serpent of Eden. He gave humanity the knowledge of free will.

But what we don't talk about is what Aziraphale gave humanity.

What did he give them?

We all know what it is!

Let's say it together!

He gave Adam and Eve his flaming sword because it was dangerous outside the garden and Eve was pregnant and she was already having a really bad day. He showed them compassion and gave them his extremely powerful angelic weapon so they would stand a chance on the outside of the garden. He gave humanity the gift of compassion. It's just unfortunate that his flaming sword became a weapon of War.

And then what did he do after that?

Ooooh, yeah, that's right.

God asked him about it and he straight up lied to her and pretended he had no idea where he'd managed to misplace it. She didn't say anything after that. He told Crowley the truth though. He told Crowley the truth even though Crowley fell.

Yeah, we know Aziraphale has done some really fucking questionable things. He and Crowley both suck at passing for human in front of observant people like Nina. They're not human. They are still learning, but they managed to experience human history together despite being on opposite sides and their experiences with humanity are what has shaped them into the compassionate and loving duo they are now. One of them is not better from the other.

This, my friends, is what we call meeting in the middle. It's why shades of gray is so important. Aziraphale constantly breaks the rules. Crowley refused to play by Heaven's rules. It's the reason he fell. He doesn't play by Hell's rules either. These two dorks figured out how to cancel each others' miracles out throughout human history in order to have more time learning about humanity and each other because working all day every day sucks when there are so many new things to learn and experience with the people you love.

We know Crowley and Aziraphale both love each other. Neither of them are good at hiding the hearts stars in their eyes.

But here's what's really fucking annoying about the Aziraphale hate.

Aziraphale was already crying when Crowley grabbed him and kissed him. Aziraphale is trying so very hard to do the right thing. He loves Crowley. He does. But he also has a duty to humanity, and he has taken that job very seriously since the creation of Adam and Eve. He sent them out into the world with a flaming sword so they would have a chance at surviving beyond the walls of the garden.

And he knows that Something Terrible is going to happen and he spent all of second season trying to figure out what that Something Terrible was while trying to have some sort of more honest and open relationship with Crowley, but again, they aren't human, they are a demon and an angel approaching life from opposite sides who met in the middle and fell in love with humanity together.

He wants more than anything to tell Crowley how he feels about him, but he wants to do something grand for Crowley because Crowley has always been grand and dramatic and sexy and a little bit scary.

Crowley is impulsive and has a temper and sometimes says the wrong thing but he has always trusted Aziraphale because Aziraphale gave him a chance even after he fell. Aziraphale chose to shelter him instead of smiting him while they stood on top of that wall. He knew he was supposed to kill Crowley, but oops, he gave his sword away to the humans so he didn't really have anything to kill him with and Crowley is the one who created nebulas. The Pillars of Creation is Crowley's work and Aziraphale was there to witness that, but he watched Crowley more than he watched the nebula. He witnessed the pure joy on Crowley's face when he said "let there be light" as a nebula full of colors exploded before their eyes. He was fascinated by Crowley.

But Aziraphale is going back to Heaven even though he has made it perfectly clear he absolutely has no desire to go back to Heaven. He told the Metatron this during their conversation. He spoke these words out loud. They exist.

But then The Metatron said this....

The Metatron. The very same angel who told Aziraphale in season one "to speak to me is to speak to the Almighty." He's the boss. He's the big guy. He's used to existing as a giant head and he had to give himself a body so he wouldn't stand out on Earth. And he knows that Aziraphale and Crowley have been working together since the beginning. He knows they worked together to prevent Armageddon in season one, and now he's made it clear he knows they were working together long before that. And let's face it, Aziraphale really wants to know what this Something Terrible is that Gabriel is running from so he can try to prevent it from happening.

It makes sense that he would want to take Crowley to Heaven with him because he would be able to keep Hell from getting their hands on him again. Aziraphale hates it in Heaven. He doesn't want to go, but Something Terrible is happening and Metatron isn't taking no for an answer, and maybe Heaven won't be so bad if Crowley is there with him. At least they can fix Heaven together.

But Crowley can't go back. We all get that. We don't blame him for saying no. It doesn't change anything.

Something Terrible is about to happen and Aziraphale has to figure out what it is. He wants to change Heaven.

He is fully aware that Heaven sucks. He still has faith in God. His faith isn't in Heaven. He deserted his platoon in season one and threw himself back to Earth so he could figure out how to make sure the war between Heaven and Hell doesn't happen.

But see, here's the thing. Heaven is at the top. Heaven has all the resources. Heaven is responsible for the creation of Hell. Heaven is empty and Hell is overpopulated. Aziraphale knows this. Crowley knows this. It's obvious every time we see either place. Both sides are desperate to go to war and will not hesitate to destroy humanity in the process. This is the opposite of what Crowley and Aziraphale want for humanity. If anyone can change Heaven, it's Aziraphale. He's the only one up there who gives a shit about humanity as far as we know. No one else is going to speak on humanity's behalf.

Some of us are so busy getting mad at Aziraphale for going back to Heaven and giving Crowley a Big Sad. Newsflash: Crowley is not the main character of Good Omens. Aziraphale and Crowley are equals, yet we wanna hold Aziraphale to higher standards because he's an angel, and when he makes mistakes it's proof that he's the bad guy.

Holy mother of all things that trigger my religious trauma, let me tell you. I spent my entire life hating myself every time I made mistakes. I've had to teach myself that just because I mess up sometimes doesn't mean I'm bad. It means I'm human. I still struggle with it. I probably always will. So when you say that Aziraphale deserves to be punished for breaking Crowley's heart, you not only ignore that Aziraphale's heart is also broken, you're saying he deserves to be punished for doing what he thinks is right.

Wanting to change Heaven for the better is not a bad thing.

And some of y'all wanna see him suffer for going back into the lion's den that is Heaven, knowing that he is already an outcast, that they have already tried to kill him once, knowing that he is a deserter, that he has been lying to Heaven about a lot of things, and you still think he's blinded by Heaven? You think he's just so naive and that's the only reason he's going back. He doesn't show his emotions the same way Crowley does so it means he doesn't care as much. He's expected to consider Crowley's feelings over his own when making choices. Like holy shit if all of that hasn't defined my experience as a woman with religious trauma in this fucking society. He's expected to be subservient to Crowley and if he doesn't do what Crowley wants then he's being unreasonable and illogical.

What the actual fuck, y'all.

Like seriously.

I'm sick of this bullshit. I had to step away from this fandom because of how toxic some people in this fandom are. It's not chasing me away, but the fact that I chose to hang out in a a more toxic fandom that is already notorious for being really toxic over a fandom that claims to be more open-minded and welcoming should probably tell you something.

It gave me a lot of perspective, and yeah, I'm still gonna speak up against the bullshit Aziraphale hate.

People are entitled to their opinions, but the Aziraphale hate isn't an opinion. It's just ableist, misogynistic garbage. At this point we all know y'all say these extreme things about Aziraphale because y'all get more joy out of the harm and alienation it is causing others.

Keep being loudly wrong, but if you think I'm not entitled to challenge shitty-ass, harmful, hateful discourse, bite my ass.

I'm not the one who lost the plot in this fandom.

#autistic coded character #religious trauma #good omens #aziraphale #aziraphale defense squad #i'm in a mood #like i'm begging y'all to learn what empathy is #like goddamn i know i'm not perfect but at least i don't forget that the reason for everything in good omens is love #neil has said this several times #it's one thing to dislike a character #it's another to assassinate characters in ways that blatantly contradict what the narrative has told us #and try to pass it off as canon #if you wanna send me hate just hit the block button instead #i'll try to be really sad about it #and if you just have to send me hatemail at least have the courage to attach it to your name instead of hiding behind anon #i'm too old for this shit #i'm gonna go back to the star wars tag now #it's been a minute since i went off and today proved to be the perfect day for it

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caffeinemachine · 1 year ago

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Life Jacket- Chapter 2

Hi!! Thanks for all the love on the first chapter! Sorry this out later than I expected but I couldn't stop writing and I didn't want to end the chapter at an odd spot.

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! Hope you like this chapter!

WC: 4.8K

Conrad Fisher x Eldest Conklin Sibling Reader

Blurb | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

~~~~~~~~~~

The first day always went the same. Unpack, swim, shower, nap, dinner. Sometimes the first bonfire of the season was the first day we got there, other times it was the next day. This year it was the first. So today’s order was, unpack, swim, shower, nap, dinner, get ready, party.

We all gathered around the table for dinner in our usual spots. My Mom, Belly, and me on one side, Steven and Jere across from us, then Conrad on the end next to me, and Sussanah on the end next to my Mom. The spots never changed over the years, unless we had guests to squeeze in somewhere. The other thing that never changed was the food. Susannah was an amazing cook. She had taught me to cook over the years. I had spent many hours by her side being her ‘little sous chef’ as she called me. This summer she told me she would show me her old college food recipe hacks.

I picked my head up from my plate when I heard Jeremiah’s voice, “So Y/n/n when do you leave for school? Do they have the swim team go early?”

I nodded, quickly swallowing my food so I could answer, “Yeah I have to go early, It's not too bad though only 2 weeks before the regular move-in date. I leave on August 5th.”

Susannah spoke next, “We’re so proud of you, our little fish.” Everyone chuckled at the nickname, ‘little fish’. Susannah had been calling me that for years.

“So what about you man when do you leave for training camp?” Steven asked Conrad, only he wasn’t the one who answered. Jeremiah did.

“He uh quit football.” Silenced stretched over the table. He what? I stared at him in disbelief, but in my heart, a part of me felt relieved for him. Being a student athlete isn’t easy and I knew Conrad only did football for his father. Sure he still loved the sport, but not enough.

“What you quit? Why man, I would’ve killed to play college ball?” Steven asked Conrad but again he didn't respond, his mother answered this time.

“He can always change his mind.” That made Conrad speak up, getting defensive towards his mother in a way I didn't usually see from him.

“I’m not gonna change my mind, I was just gonna sit on the bench all season anyway.” I sat quietly. I didn’t know what to say. Conrad and I bonded over our athleticism over the years, it felt weird to think we didn’t share that similarity anymore.

I hadn't realized I was staring at him until he looked back at me, our eyes locked and yet I still couldn't move. You'd think it'd be instinct to look away but as he came into focus, we just stared. I tried my best to read him to understand why he might do that, Why would he quit? I knew he didn't love it but he had gone this far with it, What made him change his mind?

There was something unreadable in his expression I didn't think it was regret or nostalgia or sadness or anger but instead some combination of all of it. I wondered why. He looked away first turning his attention to his plate as he picked at the food in front of him. I didn't push him on it, I wasn't sure I'd push him on it later either. I’m sure he had a reason, maybe it’d be best if I just let him tell me if he wanted.

The rest of dinner continued on like normal on the first night. Catching up, making jokes, and just being happy to be in each other's presence again. Everyone went their separate ways to get ready for the bonfire, and Belly and the moms stayed downstairs preparing for their movie night. Their tradition started a few years ago when Belly was 11, almost 12. That was the first year we went to a bonfire, Conrad and I were 14, and Jeremiah and Steven were 13. The bonfires were different then, we were with the younger crowd still unmixed from the older kids. It was in the backyard of the house owned by a kid Jeremiah and Conrad knew from sailing camp. Belly was so upset she couldn't come with us. She was too young and we didn't want to have to watch out for her the whole night, or entertain her for that matter. I love my sister and she's gotten a lot better over the years but she loves attention, even though she won't admit it. Having her come meant that I would have to keep her by my side the whole night, that I couldn't mingle with new kids and make new friends. The moms promised to hang out with her that night. They went to the drugstore in town and bought a bunch of candy. Susannah made brownies and they watched a movie, a PG-13 movie which Belly thought was awesome at the time.

I didn't do too much to get ready for the bonfire, it wasn't anything new, but I still like to look a little bit nice. It was the first time I was seeing everybody for the season after all. My hair was down, air-dried from the shower I took earlier so it had a natural wave to it. A little concealer under my eyes, some mascara, tinted lip balm, and that was that. I put on a tank top and some jean shorts with my navy Cousins Beach sweatshirt on top. It tended to get a little bit chilly on the beach at night. I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes catching on the shimmer coming from my ears. My pearl earrings, Susannah's pearl earrings. She gave them to me for my 16th birthday just like her mother did and I've treasured them every day since.

I had to shoo the thought away as I felt myself getting choked up. I exited my room and went down the stairs, slipping on my very worn-in black Converse by the door. I heard stories of people in college having a designated pair of shoes they called their ‘frat shoes’. This pair of black Converse was that for me over the summer. They had been covered in sand, soaked from water, and scuffed with dirt, more times than I could count.

As I finished tying my last lace, the boys walked down the stairs. I sat up, shoes now tied, and patted my knees, “You guys ready to go?”

“Yep let's do this we're taking my car. Y/N you promised to be DD for the night right? Don’t worry though I won’t drink too much anyway, wouldn't want to be hungover for my first day of duty, right Y/ N?” Jeremiah answered.

I laughed, “No Jere, you definitely shouldn't be hungover. Wouldn't look good for me either after I vouched for you to get this job. But yes I’ll be DD.” He laughed with me throwing his arm over my shoulder as we walked to the car. Steven called shotgun which left me and Conrad to sit together in the back. I hated to admit it to myself but he looked good. How someone could pull off a gray hoodie that well I didn't know, but he pulled off a gray hoodie and jeans better than I'd seen ever before.

The drive was silent in terms of conversation but in the front seat, Jeremiah and Steven were singing their hearts out to Steven's ‘pregame’ playlist off Spotify. I kept my gaze out the window. Partly because I was still taking in the beauty of Cousins, partly because I could look at him. He looked too good and I always had to distance myself from Conrad before parties. I never knew how they’d play out with him. Sometimes he’d just stick close to us, the crew, and have a super fun night hanging out. Usually, that’s what he did when I was at the party with the guys but I’d been told the stories of his playboy party actions when I wasn’t there, and last summer I had gotten a glimpse of it. A girl named Nicole had come up to him and started chatting with him. Within seconds she was quite touchy-feely. Her hand was on his chest or upper arm, even playing with his hair every once in a while. I had whispered into Jere’s ear who was between me and the horny fest, “Who’s that?”

Jere took a quick glance over his shoulder and then whispered back, “Nicole, she and Conrad hook up every once in a while.”

I furrowed my brows, “I’ve literally never seen her before.”

“They met at a party last summer when you had left for swim camp, I think her family like only comes out for August.”

I swallowed the information and then excused myself to get a drink. I stole a beer from the kid's fridge and walked back feeling a little bit better now that I had a drink in my hand. But when I looked up to find Nicole on her tiptoes kissing Conrad against the wall, the power of the drink in my hand ceased. I turned back to the kitchen, leaning against the counter by myself for a few minutes. I had my focus down on my hands when I suddenly looked up at the sound of the refrigerator doors flying open. It was her. She was seemingly grabbing a beer from the fridge the same way I had been just a second ago. I expected her to walk back out to Connie, but instead, she stationed herself on the counter, so I took that as my sign to walk back. It was the first, and only time since I had seen Conrad's fuck-boy behavior, but the stories continued, and I never let myself feel unprepared for the chance I might see it again.

Now sitting in the car with him I did just that as I watched the houses go by. The streets are littered with beautiful bloomed hydrangeas. Suddenly, my hair was pushed behind my ear. I turned my head as his hand draped its way down from my ear to the ends of my hair. His face was soft but I could see the dimples around his smile starting to crease. I shifted in my seat, nervous with his attention on me.

“W-what are you doing?” I spoke lowly. Not that it mattered, Jere and Steven had no chance of hearing over our screaming.

“You’re hiding.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. And it left me speechless. “Your hair is always so soft, you’d think after years of chlorine that wouldn’t be the case.”

That eased the tension a little, as the corner of my mouth turned up. “Well, that's because I wear one of those swim caps.”

He laughed, “I’d pay to have a picture of that.”

I laughed with him, “Don’t say that to my mom 'cause she’d easily take your money for an exchange.”

“Let's go!” Jeremiah shouted, exiting the car along with my brother. I hadn't realized we had stopped.

I looked over my shoulder to see Conrad hadn’t moved. His eyes looked at me like he was observing my soul. I held my breath. As if not breathing would help ease the bubbles floating around in my chest.

I couldn’t bear it.

With an awkward laugh, I scooted out of the car and jogged over to Jere and Steven. I didn’t want to walk down alone. I knew the boys wouldn’t stay by my side the whole night, they’d go do other things within the first hour, but I liked to hold onto them for as long as I could. I didn’t mind the girls I’d met with the guys here over the years, but we were never that close. Nicole, Dara, Gigi, Marisa, and Shayla, we’d all lose contact over the school year. I also knew some people who weren’t from that crew. Some of them I knew from the swim club I used to do at the Country Club when I was little under the Fisher’s name. I wasn’t exactly supposed to be in the club seeing as I wasn’t truly a member but Susannah had a way of getting people to do what she wanted. Kindness can be blinding. The club was mostly made up of little boys, there were only 3 of us girls, Sydney, Ally, and me. Sydney was a nice girl. She was super smart, and ambitous, she’s set to start at Princeton for business in the Fall. Ally, I remained better friends with as we grew up. She was a dedicated swimmer like me so we even ran into each other sometimes during the school year at competitions. Ally was a total sweetheart, but she liked to have fun. She was easy to hang out with, she understood. I hoped they were here, I had forgotten to text them when I got to Cousins.

The fire wasn’t too crazy, they had to be careful not to draw too much attention from the cops. A big crowd of people had already formed though and it was only 9:30. I grabbed a cola from the cooler as I said hello to everyone coming up to us. Chit-chat was made with numerous people, and I couldn’t help but feel these conversations were really competitions for these kids. It was like every comment had to be a one-up to the one previous.

It was around 10:30 when a hand plopped down on my shoulder abruptly. I assumed it was one of the guys but then he came into my eyeline, Peter Millington.

“Yooo Y/N what's good?” He said a little slurred. As he moved to stand in front of me his hand dropped from my shoulder.

“Hey Peter,” I laughed. Peter was a good guy, he was flirty but it was harmless. Annoying, but harmless. I met him at the swim club when we were 10.

“So miss big shot where you heading this fall? I’m sure schools across the country were practically begging outside your front door!”

I laughed, “I won’t deny that, but I’m actually not going far. I’m gonna be going to Harvard.” His mouth hung open.

“No shit.”

“Yes, shit. How about you, still swimming?”

He shook his head, “Nah nah, I’m trying to be a sports agent, I’ll be going to Penn State.”

“That’s great, congrats.” I smiled at him.

He pointed at me a big smirk spreading across his face, “Yeah so you better remember me when you go all famous.” He finished his statement by slightly hitting the side of my arm.

“You got it Pete, I won’t forget you-”

“Belly what the fuck!” My head snapped and my jaw dropped. I took off over to them. I sort of abandoned Pete but eh, he’ll be fine.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Steven yelled.

I smacked his shoulder once I had run up to them. “Stop yelling! You’re making a scene!” I whisper-shouted at him.

Then I turned my attention to my baby sister. My baby sister, who wasn’t supposed to be here. My baby sister, who was just talking to a man 5 years older than her. My baby sister, who chose to wear a tiny skin-tight pink mini dress. My clueless, trouble-causing, baby sister.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her as calmly as I could.

“What I can’t go to a party?” She bit back defensively.

Excuse me? She didn’t get to give me shit for being concerned when she's the one who showed up out of the blue. I scoffed, “Did I say that?”

“What are you even wearing Belly we are on the beach why would you-“

“Steven. Knock it off. Go hang out with Shayla.” This was getting too aggravating. Steven was instigating too much, he must have already pissed Belly off by the time I ran up and now I had to deal with it.

“Did Taylor tell you to wear that or something?” I asked Belly, trying my best to figure out what was going on without having to have an argument in the middle of a party.

“Why can’t I just dress nicely without being questioned?” Why the hell was she being so defensive?

“Again did I say that?” I couldn’t hold back the bite to my tone.

She rolled her eyes before looking at me. But then her gaze sharply caught something over my shoulder. I turned to look. Jeremiah. Drunk off his ass. Standing next to the fire trying to strip and go skinny dipping. He had already stripped off his sweatshirt, shirt, shoes, and socks.

“Great.” I scoffed, running over to my now 2nd problem of the night.

When he saw me running over he smiled brightly, “Y/N! We are going swimming come on! OH MY GOSH Belly! You’re here! You come too!”

Belly laughed beside me and I would’ve thrown a dirty look her way if I had the energy to spare.

“No. No one is going swimming. It’s pitch black, the rip currents are crazy, and you are wasted. That’s all recipe for disaster.” I said authoritatively.

Jeremiah pouted. “Please?”

“No. Now put your clothes on.”

“Booooo.” Was he serious? He swayed as he re-dressed, his shirt blocking his vision. Good god.

“And get rid of the drink Jere, You’ve had enough.”

“Ughhh fine party pooper.” Before I could stop him he threw his drink into the fire.

“Jere-” The fire grew, a blaze lighting the beach. Shouts were heard as other drunk idiots followed Jeremiah’s lead and fueled the fire. “I can’t with this, Jere hang out with Belly.”

He smiled at that, “Alright come here belly button sit with me by the fire.” She giggled and obliged.

I took a deep breath, my feet taking me to the shoreline without even thinking. I needed to calm down. The chaos was overwhelming. I sat down on the sand a few feet away from where the water reached. The breeze flowed against me and I felt my mind begin to ease. This. This is why I always loved Cousins. I will never feel as at peace as I do when I’m next to the ocean. Water just calmed me down. I was the little fish.

I hoped that would never change. I hoped I would always be the little fish, no matter how big or how small the pond. No matter what happened down the line, the peace I felt by the water would never be disturbed. I’d always be, as Susannah so deemed me, a little fish.

I felt a plop next to me in the sand. I knew who it was without even looking, I could simply feel his energy. It was Conrad. He looked out on the water as he placed whatever drink he had in his hand down next to him. I kept my gaze out on the water as well. It felt good to just sit with somebody. With him.

“So you go around telling everybody you’re going to Harvard?” He said, slight humor in his tone.

I sighed, “I mean only when anyone asked.”

“No shouting from the rooftops?”

“No shouting from the rooftops. I’m not a big bragger.” I snickered, and so did he.

“You? Please! You have always been humble but you never shied away from sharing your accomplishments. You should be proud of yourself, it’s a big deal.” I just shrugged in response.

“I’m proud of you.” I looked at him then. His eyes were full of sincerity. I don’t think he knew how much that meant to hear. I caught his eyes flicking to my lips.

Wait what-

He was looking at my lips and when he looked back up his eyes shone with vulnerability. I couldn’t help myself when my eyes dipped down to look at his. I imagined what it’d be like to kiss him. His soft pillowy lips moving against my own. I wondered where he’d put his hands. He seemed like the type of guy to cup the back of your head. I’d feel the weight of his hand as he pulled me into him like he was desperate for our connection. Maybe one hand would fall to my hips or my thigh, acting like an anchor.

I couldn’t let my mind wander too far. Lord knows where that would lead. When our eyes met the tension was unmistakable. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself fall into him. I’d never stand back up.

“Stella? Alright, thanks man!”

Spell broken. Peter had just snatched Conrad’s beer from its spot between us and was taking a big slug of it.

“Pete what the hell?” I said, standing up from my seat on the sand.

“Dude give me my beer back.” Conrad stood up as well, Pete was standing between us.

“Whaaaat? You weren’t even drinking it man! It was just- you know just sitting there and all the- all the other Stella’s are gone.” He was plastered. I felt my chest sink. This isn’t gonna go well.

“I don’t give a fuck if there aren’t any left, that one is mine now give it back to me.” Conrad defended.

“Connie come on-”

“It’s just a beer man.” Pete turned to face primarily towards Conrad.

“Exactly, so give me my beer back and get yourself your own.”

“No.”

“Pete come on you definitely don’t need another drink.” I approached him, going to put my hand down on his shoulder to try and calm him down. Then just as I did he rolled back his elbow saying,

“Oh fuck off.”

I fell to the ground. His elbow collided right with my ear and the side of my face. Well, that hurt like a bitch. I’ll have a black eye on my first day back to work. Awesome.

“Y/N-“

I kept my eyes clenched shut for a minute before I felt a hand come to my shoulder, it was Belly and Jeremiah helping me up. My ears rang for a minutes before clearing. I watched as Steven and Jere broke up the fight.

Conrad looked at me as Steven pulled him back. I shook my head and looked away. Actually, I looked right at the flashing blue and red lights now coming from the top of the dunes. Cops, awesome.

“Enough!” I snapped everyone out of it, “Let’s go! Come on!”

I grabbed Belly’s hand as we ran up to the car, glancing over my shoulder quickly to make sure the boys were behind us.

“Jere keys!” I caught the keys as he tossed them to me, unlocking the car doors. “In! Now!”

I started the car, a scowl on my face. My head felt like it was vibrating but it wasn’t like any of them could drive with their intoxication level. I couldn’t believe them. How on earth did they think it was appropriate to act like this? I kept my eyes on the road, but I was sure they could feel the anger radiating off of me.

“Y/N look I-“ Steven started but I cut him off.

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

Then Jeremiah came in, “We didn’t mean to-“

“I said I don’t wanna hear it! Unless you want me to hit a drunk teenager stumbling home, you’ll shut up and listen to me! I’m distracted enough by the pinging in my head.”

They were silent after that.

I was mad and I had plenty of reason to be. I had been in this position with my sibling plenty of times, a few with Jeremiah, but never Conrad. I knew he started fights occasionally, but never with me around.

I pulled into the driveway and parked the car. Then I child-locked in all those mother fuckers. I unblocked my seatbelt and positioned myself to be able to see them all. Steven and Jere struggled to open the doors while Belly sat in the middle confused. To my surprise Conrad just sat in his seat, his focus down in his lap, he made no objections. Once the three backseat idiots figured it out they looked to me expectantly.

I raised my brows, “What you thought just cause I didn’t want you distracting me while driving you were gonna be off the hook?”

“Y/N what do you even care? You’re not our mom.” Belly said, rolling her eyes.

She only fueled my anger, “Yeah no shit I’m not 'cause Mom wouldn’t have put up with even an ounce of the crap you guys pulled tonight. Do you think I like playing mommy? Do you think I wouldn’t have rathered to enjoy the first night of my summer stress-free? You are lucky I’m a good sister, 'cause I could so easily walk inside and tell Mom everything that went down tonight. Then maybe you’d realize that having you deal with me instead of mom, is me being nice.” I watched my sibling's attitudes deflate. Jeremiah on the other hand was sitting there trying and failing to hide the smirk from his face. “What’s so funny Jeremiah? Do you think I’m not talking to you too right now? All of you put me in bad positions tonight because of how you acted. ”

Jeremiah chimed in again, “We weren’t that bad.”

My jaw dropped, “Not that bad? Let’s see who should I start with. How about you Jeremiah, I stopped you from getting naked in front of every teenager in cousins, potentially drowning and killing yourself, and even after I did that you acted like an idiot! Throwing alcohol into the fire, you’re probably the reason the cops came! Oh and just the cherry on top, the fact that you’re wasted after promising me you wouldn’t be.” He was quiet now.

“Steven had to cause a whole scene, but I’m not even that mad at him because he was right to be questioning you Bells! How the hell did you even get there?”

She peeked up sheepishly, “I walked.”

“You walked? Belly do the Moms even know you came to the bonfire?”

“No, I snuck out.” She spoke in a quiet tone.

“Jesus Bells! If you had just told me you wanted to come I would’ve vouched for you. For god sake, I would’ve given you a ride!” My head pounded. I rubbed my forehead trying to ease the pain, I needed some advil. “You guys can’t act like that. It’s dangerous, and quite frankly embarrassing. I’m just- I’m done dealing with it.” I took a breath and unlocked the doors, “Go inside guys. Go to sleep.” I sat forward with my head in my hands. I heard the doors open and close as they got out without a word.

Except he didn’t. I didn’t look over at him. I honestly didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how I felt at the moment.

“Are you ok? Is your head alright?” He had worry in his voice and I couldn’t help but feel a flutter in my heart.

“I have a headache and I’ll probably wake up to a huge bruise on my cheek but I’m fine.”

“How come you’re not mad at me too?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t mad at you.” I felt his eyes on me the whole time but mine stayed forward at the house.

“You didn’t yell at me like everyone else.”

“Because I didn’t know what to say to you not because I’m not mad at you.”

A beat passed. Just us sitting in the car before he spoke up again, “I’m so sorry you got hurt, Pete was plastered-“

“You could’ve just let him have the beer.”

“Y/N I wasn’t going to-“

“Look it’s been a long night, just- just go to bed Con.” I grabbed the keys and left the car. I hadn’t looked at him once and I didn’t look back at him. I couldn’t. I don’t even think I was truly mad at him, I mean it was Pete’s fault, not his. I was more overwhelmed with tonight’s events and I didn’t have the energy to unpack anything right now. My head was pounding and I needed to lay down. Work would be a nightmare tomorrow morning.

I went straight into the shower when I got inside. I gave myself a quick rinse. Susannah always stoked our bathroom with luxurious bath products for me and Belly. But I know Steven liked it too.

I walked into my room and plopped right down onto my bed. Man, it was soft, and it only seemed softer after a hard night.

I went to grab my phone when I saw it. A water bottle, advil, an ice pack, and a cookie, sitting on my bedside table, and I most certainly didn’t put it there. I knew who did. I knew it was him, and I could feel myself smile a little. I felt myself forgive him, he was hard to stay mad at. He wouldn’t mention it, I probably wouldn’t either, but we knew that we knew. That was enough.

For now.

~~~~~~~

Tag list:

@mid-80s @geekinthefuschiahair @paytonloiselle

#the summer i turned pretty #conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #tsitp #tsitp s2 #jeremiah fisher fanfic #jeremiah fisher imagine #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher fanfic #belly conklin #steven conklin #tsitp conrad #tsitp jeremiah #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher fluff #conrad fisher angst #conrad fisher x you

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larluce · 10 months ago

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If all the Arthurs I created met each other

There's already a post with my Merlins meeting too here ➡︎ LINK

Arthur from "The Dragonlord's son series"🐉: I'm just saying, my Merlin is better than yours.

Arthur from my "Merlin as a familiar/shapeshifter falcon AU" 🦅: No, mine is better! He can shapeshift!

Arthur from my "Time travel AU" 🕐: (laughs) They all can shapeshift, boy. Don't believe yourself special.

Arthur 🦅: Don't call me boy! I'm 18! 😡

Arthur 🐉: So? We're in our 20's (pointing himself and Arthur🕐). We're older than you.

Arthur 🕐: I'm actually 40.

Arthur 🐉: What?!😨 But you don't look like 40.

Arthur 🕐: Well no, my body is 20 but my mind is 40. It's a long story.

12 year old Arthur from "From the grave to the cradle" ⛏️: (enters) Sorry, I was milking the cows. What did I miss?

Arthur 🦅: (pointing at Arthur ⛏️) See! That's a boy! (happy) I'm not the youngest anymore! Wait... (looks at Arthur ⛏️, confused) Did you say "milking the cows"?

Arthur ⛏️: Yes, I'm a farmer.

Arthur 🐉, Arthur 🦅 and Arthur 🕐: (shout, very surprised) A FARMER?!😱

Arthur ⛏️: (defensively, crossing his arms) Yes, and I'm very proud of it! 😠 What are you anyway?

Arthur 🐉: The prince.

Arthur 🦅: Me too.

Arthur 🕐: We're all princes, little one.

Arthur ⛏️: (shocked) I'm the only one who isn't royalty? (pouts) Awww, that's not fair. ☹️

Arthur 🐉: (kind of sad) Wait, does this mean Merlin is never going to be your servant?

Arthur ⛏️: (shouts, escandalised) Merlin is your servant?! 😨

Arthur 🐉: (relieved) Oh, so you do know each other. Good.

Arthur ⛏️: It is not!😠 How can you have your friend as your servant? That's horrible!

Arthur 🦅: Well, tecnically, in my case he isn't my servant, he's my pet.

Arthur ⛏️: WHAT?! 😱😡

Arthur 🦅: I mean... half-animal friend companion? 😅

Arthur 🕐: (To Arthur 🦅) You're not helping your case. (To Arthur ⛏️) I'm really curious, how did you became friends with Merlin?

Arthur ⛏️: (smiles) Oh, we've been friends since forever. We live in the same village.

Arthur 🕐: Which is?

Arthur ⛏️: Ealdor.

Arthur 🕐: (realising what happened to this Arthur) Oh, boy...

Arthur 🦅: (still confused) But... but you're from Camelot.

Arthur ⛏️: (ofended) No! I'm from Essetir. I would never associate with the likes from Camelot. They kill people like Merlin for sport! They are murderers!

Arthur 🐉: (starting to understand, increasingly disturbed) Arthur... Who are your parents?

Arthur ⛏️: Hector and Adeline from Ealdor, why?

Arthur 🦅: Those are not-

Arthur 🕐: (covers Arthur 🦅 mouth quickly)

Arthur ⛏️: (a little sad) I know they are not really my parents, but they adopted me when the real ones abandoned me as a baby. So I love them as if they were. (smiles brigthly) I wouldn't change them for anything, even if they are not royalty as yours. So the king of Essetir adopted you instead? That's so cool! Even if you have your friends as your servants.😊

Arthur 🐉: ...

Arthur 🕐: ...

Arthur 🦅: I'm going to tell him.

Arthur 🐉 and Arthur 🕐: Don't you dare! 😡

....

I reached 300 followers today, guys! Thank you so much! 🤧 I love you all 💕

#merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #merlin fanfic #merlin fic #merlin prompt #merthur fic #arthur and merlin #merlin and arthur #merthur fanfiction #merthur fanfic #merthur prompt #merlin fic rec #The Dragonlord's son series #From the Grave to the Cradle #Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU #Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU

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whentherewerebicycles · 2 months ago

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my baby is six months old today!!! he’s been alive for half a year!!!!! it somehow feels both like he's been in my life forever and like i just gave birth days ago. I love him so much it makes me feel a little frantic sometimes. he is down for his first nap now and I can hear him in his crib grumbling to himself about the terrible indignities they subject sweet little babies to these days (chief among them being wrapped in blankets in a soft little sleeping bag in a cozy warm room for a nice restorative nap).

I think I want to journal a bit today—six things about the baby + six thoughts about my experience of parenting thus far. baby first!

well i mean. he is just perfect. he is just the best little guy ever. all babies are the best little guy ever but he is MY best little guy you know? i love him so much. what is his personality like? i would say he has definitely retained something of the watchfulness and slight reserve he had as a newborn. he has these huge dark eyes and he studies things very intently and in general likes to Observe the Situation before wading in. but he is, so far, not especially shy? the stranger danger phase has not set in yet so he enjoys being held by a wide range of people and will warm up to new faces after a bit, especially if they make silly expressions at him or sing to him. he also definitely has His People, who he is not reserved with at all. the second my sister walks in he starts kicking his legs furiously and babbling to her to get her to come over and talk to him. he looooves my mom and is way snugglier with her than anyone else. he adores his primary babysitters (his nanny + liz's husband A) and is sooo chatty with them. he was slow to smile (liz's baby was beaming at everybody from like five weeks on but i don't think O was smiling regularly until about 12 weeks) and he is still pretty selective with them (strangers do NOT get smiles unless they make a very silly surprising noise). but his general temperament is just like… he’s a calm, even-keeled, good-natured little guy who is down for pretty much whatever. this kid can hang.

he is REALLY good at independent play. if he's fed and changed he can pretty much entertain himself for 45-60 min at a time without any input from me. he just kicks around on his mat and plays with his toys. in the morning he wakes up around 6:30 but the family does not get up until 7:20 and he will just hang out in his crib making his hands dance in the air and chattering happily to himself. i think this is probably like 80% inborn temperament... my mom says i was the exact same way as a baby, just like totally content to chill and think and talk to myself. but i think maybe 20% of it is also things i consciously did to encourage this from about four weeks on and i am proud of that! i think one of the qualities i like best in myself is that i have a high tolerance for boredom because i can just get lost in my thoughts/imagination. as long as i have something to think about or some imaginary situation to play out in my head i am content. i really want that for him too! idk more thoughts about this when i journal about parenting lol. but i appreciate that he doesn't have to be entertained 24/7 (at least at this age). he is content to just be on his own or just be in the room watching people do other stuff.

obviously i adored him from the start lol but i would say that four months marked a big turning point in terms of how much fun he was to hang out with. he just started seeming so much more alert and engaged around then. and then this last five to six months span of time has just been SO fun. he's fully a little person. he has preferences and opinions and favorite toys and favorite people and favorite animals (ruthie). he is learning ALL the time. you can see him puzzling things out and beginning to develop a rudimentary understanding of cause and effect. right now, like in the past week or so, he is extremely into TEXTURES. he must scritch-scratch absolutely everything with his little baby nails. he is obsessed with his "baby paper" (crinkly paper) and he is much more open to tummy time now mainly because it allows him to scritch-scratch all the different quilts we use as playmats. he likes to scritch-scratch the glass when i take him to the window in the morning to show him his friends the trees, and if there is any kind of graphic on my t-shirts he MUST scratch the edges of it. and he does all of this with a look of total focus lol this kid is LOCKED IN on scritch-scratching.

he laughs so much these days. he also seems to have figured out that people react positively and often rush over to engage with him when he laughs, so sometimes if i'm on the other side of the room and he wants me to pay attention to him he will just do this "huh-huh-HAH-HA! HA!" belly laugh so i'll come over and make silly faces at him. i do pretty much nonstop funny accents and comedy bits for him and i'd say i get a laugh 50% of the time... the other 50% of the time he just gives me this wide-eyed look that clearly says "ok... this lady is nutso and i seem to be trapped in her care... i need to proceed carefully here..." which is also very funny.

he is really into being gently manhandled right now haha. i think it is probably related to developing proprioception? but he loves to be "flying baby" (where you lift him over your head and zoom him around like an airplane) and he loves being a pendulum in a giant clock (where you hold him under his arms and swing his body back and forth as you lift him up and down) and he REALLY loves it when you wrap him up in your arms and roll into a ball and roll over and over a bunch of times. also it delights him when you play-wrestle with him and tickle him even though he cannot yet really wrestle back lol. bonus points if you also growl at him and pretend you are going to eat him up... that's a big hit right now. when i was a kid my dad would wrestle with us all the time and pretend to be a bear chasing us around the house on all fours and let us ride on his back and stuff and it was so much fun. so far it is also pretty fun for the grownup lol i feel like it's a great way to get some silly energy out. but also i think i need to start lifting weights lol because this kid is already so heavy and i want to be able to keep tossing him around and wrestling with him when he's even bigger!!

on a related note: he is getting much stronger!! he is a big boy (as of today: 75th percentile for weight, 98th percentile for height, and wearing 12 month clothes). some of the physical milestones have been challenging for him because he weighs a lot and has a big ol noggin, so it's a lot of work to lift/maneuver his body. but he is rolling over pretty regularly and happily now, and in the last day or two he's started pushing up on his hands a little when he's on his tummy which was the big tummy time milestone he hadn't hit yet. he can also sit up with hip support and is starting to brace himself on his hands while sitting. the contrast with my nephew has been so funny to watch... my nephew is two and a half months older and is the tiniest, springiest little guy, so it's a lot easier for him to monkey around lol. but my nephew also just has this truly nonstop internal motor that seems to drive him to MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE at all times. my baby uhh does not have that motor lol. he finds my nephew's frenetic energy a little overwhelming and is like actually i would prefer to lounge around here on my mat scritch-scratching a quilt, thank you. truly my child lol. why "move around" when you could instead sit in one place daydreaming. it's funny to watch them together and just be like ohhh kids are SO different there's such a wide spectrum of normal.

ok there are six things!!! some other rapidfire facts just for my files: he is still quite gloriously bald but he's started getting hair! no eyebrows yet though lol and no sign that they are on the horizon. he loves taking baths with me except maybe "loves" is the wrong word... he takes bathtime deathly seriously because it is Water Kicking Time and he was put on this earth to Kick Water. so bathtimes are training sessions... he does not smile at ALL during baths he is too Locked In, but he screams and screams when you try to take him out because he was STILL TRAINING. his eyes still have a little bit of that newborn dark blue left but are mostly dark brown now with perhaps the barest hint of hazel. he is really into music and will go into a trance state when you sing to him or play instruments for him. he loves to chomp on his toys. he used to "kiss" your cheek but now just wants to nom nom nom on your face. his cheeks get so rosy when he's worked up or chilly or excited. he is transfixed by his own hands. he does this sharp startled little inhale when something surprises him. he can now take his pacifier out of his mouth and sometimes put it back in (i'd say we have a 20% success rate of getting the pacifier back in the right way). he is almost always a perfect sleeper although we had a little rough patch last night so i'm holding my breath hoping he's not about to have some kind of regression. he loves to kvetch and has mastered the fine art of lowgrade grumbling and complaining. he is teething and so there is a lot of drool everywhere all the time. he likes to hold his board books while i read to him i think it makes him feel important and involved lol. he is very soft and warm and smells good. he loves to snuggle in the big bed with mom. he is the best. he is just the best!!! i am the luckiest person in the world. i love him so much and i love being his mom. what a good baby!!!

#baby tag #six months!

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lattedusks-mochadawns · 4 months ago

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BACK IN EDDSWORLD PHASE -

I FINALLY RECOVERED MY TOMEDD SHIP ART I MADE WHEN I WAS IN GRADE 7 (12 yrs old)

Back when I was Milo Mornings.

The quality fucking sucks but AHHH I’M ACTUALLY SO HAPPY. Because (story time) when just got back in my Eddsworld phase almost a week from now, I remembered I made this when I first got into Eddsworld 3 yrs ago, although I never posted it (I recall trying to post it on tumblr, but when deleting it quickly in fear I’d get hate).

So I had it on my old iPad for a good while, then over the years I got a new iPad and gave my old iPad to my brother. Procreate on that old iPad is long gone and even if I did redownload it, it would delete my stuff (I don’t think I backed up my stuff). I recently tried to find it on my old iPad as I know I’d already deleted it a while back from my phone. But today I remembered on my instagram account, I used to text myself photos of my own art, other gacha life stuff and other official arts and fan arts for fandoms. I looked and after a bit of scrolling, I FINALLY FOUND IT. Quality is shit because texting images through Insta ruins the quality. But this is the best quality I can get so far. And honestly, I’m actually quite proud of 12 yr old me’s art, it’s actually a lot better than my other work that same year.

When I get the chance to, I wanna redraw this for 2024 and maybe add some more TomEdd moments.

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readandlisten · 7 months ago

Text

Shouting

Contains content describing a disruptive home, no violence or physical abuse

Once upon a time you looked into my eyes and saw the future,

A grey gaze reflected back, and laughter followed, cut and punctured

The love in your heart grew to hold mine,

But conditions were placed, for a dangerous time

When the laughs came less, and you had to work harder,

The betrayal hit, a fire made with a quick, igniting starter.

Burns felt like blows, and voices turned louder,

There was aggression in every question,

no answer, to maintain your power

And the blame went to me,

Your 12 year old girl,

Being asked to turn her cheek,

And silence the burning rage,

I was told to “just sit there and behave.”

But when the adults acted like children,

And tempers were flaring,

The true adolescent erupts,

Exploding, imploding, not caring

A time bomb that was set,

When her mouth was washed with soap,

No example was around to model respect or give hope

Children are seen and not heard,

But I was too loud.

Attention was stollen,

Given to a different crowd.

And there I sat,

Waiting with angst,

Needing comfort,

And love,

A hug, an embrace

Slowly it came,

When my body began to falter,

Patience returned,

I was placed on an alter.

A place to rest,

Or Sacrifice my body,

The affection came quicker,

But repairs to my heart were quite shoddy

my body healed again,

And Withdrawn was the love,

And patience dissipated,

Pushed out with a shove,

Again she’s too loud,

She has too many needs,

Toughen her up,

It won’t make her bleed

So reality hit,

There’s no way out,

My life would forever be followed by shouts

I’ve accepted my fate,

Made peace with the loud,

Learned to crumple a little less when harsh words are around

I will do better for myself, my children, my spouse,

There will be peace, hope and patience, when I’m in my own house

Until then, I’ll find security in my own mind,

Carve a piece of my heart, to treat myself kind,

I’ll do it day in and day out,

And Once every night,

I love my loud voice, and my brilliant mind,

I deserve to have hugs, and I’ll accept what I get, I’m cared for and valued and will be self confident.

I can do hard things, and the future can change,

Patterns and behaviors don’t have to be the same.

I love my loud voice and my brilliant mind,

I love my body that carry’s this baggage behind, the weight on my shoulders can feel a bit lighter, because when I love myself, I set down the igniter.

I love my loud voice and my brilliant mind,

I love my round belly, and I’m patient, I’m kind, I love the style I choose, my tattoos and my scars,

the loud voices around me, I’ll send them out far, my voice is true, it deserved to be heard, so I’ll say it again, for that 12 year old girl

I love my loud voice and my brilliant mind,

I love my round belly, and I’m patient and kind,

I love the styles I choose, my tattoos and my scars,

I’m proud of myself, I shine like a star,

I love my face, and the smiles it shares,

I know I have empathy and the capacity to care.

I love myself for days when I could not,

I love her yesterday, today and for years- I won’t stop.

#my writing #mental health #poetry #art #original poem #slam poetry #endurance #resilience

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orlissa · 3 months ago

Note

Have you always known you want to be a literary translator?

Lol, no.

I think I've told this story here before, but here it goes, like, from the very beginning.

Ever since I can remember, I've always had a knack for storytelling - I actually had a short story published when I was 11 -, and got into fanfic at 12. Back then, it was only in Hungarian, and at the point like 99% of Hungarian fanfics were Harry Potter. It was like other fandoms didn't exist.

But a year or two later I got into a fandom (X-Men: Evolution) that very little Hungarian following (well, I remember there being a few fics, but really just a few and not the best), so I found myself having to venture to English sites - and what happened is that my "good for school" English got... pretty good. By the time I was 15, I was reading novels in English and trying my hand in writing fics in English (I was shameless, too. I lived in a dorm during my high school years, and I remember I was the only member of an English club there, so I got the teacher holding the club to devote it to editing my fics. Something I would definitely not have the guts to do today). In the next few years, I pretty much transitioned to English fandom places.

Then the summer I turned 17 - that was the age of Twilight, and everything was about vampires - I found a book series that spoke to me: it had vampires and a touch of Wicca, and the main character, at least it was prominently displayed in the blurb, was struggling with Math and paralell parking. My weakest subject was Math and I was struggling to get my license at the time - this book spoke to me. Looking back, the series wasn't... great, but at the time it really hooked me. I read the first four books of the series that summer.

As it happened, when I was reading the first book, it's Hungarian edition was already in the works, coming out in that September. And the publisher had a really good marketing manager at the time, who saw to it that the series had an online forum for the fans. I found this forum maybe a week after it launched, and being my shy and and not at all attention seeking self (*sarcasm*) I pretty soon became a central figure there - so much so that the aforementioned marketing manager soon sought me out and offered me an admin position there.

(It was such a great community, too. We did launch parties, and almost had a camp, which then was thwarted the last minute by the weather. I still have friends from there.)

Anyway, so the forum flourished, books in the series were steadily coming out in Hungarian, and we were having fun. Christmas came, and me being me, I wrote a little fic for my friends on the forum, as a gift (I guess I ended up translating it to English, and I think it's still on my old ff.net account). And the forum being an official one run by the publisher, my little fic got to the marketing manager, who sent it to the owner of the company and the translator of the series. And the translator loved it - like it was just fluffy piece, and apparently he said that it was "better than the original" (which is not a big deal, because, yeah, looking back the series wasn't really quality). I took the praise blushing.

A few months went by and the publication process for the fourth book in the series went underway - only they couldn't contact the person who did the editing of the previous books (later it turned out that they died, but no-one knew thaty yet). And they needed an editor ASAP.

That's when the translator, already a veteran in the business, said that hey, they could try me out. So they offered me a job - I was 17, still in high school, and I had an Adult Job, with actual Adult People. I was fucking proud of myself.

And then we did... 4 or 5 books like that. He translated, I edited. Then when I was nearing my high school graduation and we were heading towards the next book, the translator said that he didn't feel like translating this series anymore, but he would be okay with me translating and him editing. And, well, that's what happened. Like, literally I had my high school leaving exams one week, and was working on the translation the next.

He ended up recommending me to some other publishers as well (I work for neither today, either because they've gone defunct or because I wasn't satisfied with the way I was being treated), and then I was just... there. I had references, and I had connections, and I had a job I could do whenever and wherever I wanted while working on my degree. It definitely beat fast food.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job most of the time, and I think I'm good at it (i just heard it back last week that some bloggers were praising my work at some event), but it was never planned and me being where I am today is absolutely due to some events that were mostly out of my hands.

#ask #personal

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pandenewie · 1 year ago

Text

12 - Our Get-Along-Shirt

Prev | Masterlist | Next

“Would you stop following me? God, it’s just like when we were kids.”

Y/n simply shrugs at Heeseung's words, adjusting their bag on their shoulder as the two walk to Heeseung's next lecture.

“You’re the one who invited me to hang out with you guys.” Y/n points out, earning an eye roll from Heeseung. “You invited yourself, Y/n. Besides, I told the guys that you might be coming - that’s not confirmation.”

“It’s close enough to one. And you saw how excited they were to hear I would be there.” Y/n teases, the playful tone in their voice causing Heeseung to groan as the memory plays through his mind. “Don’t remind me. I would like to remain blissfully unaware that my entire friend group thinks my cousin is hot.”

The two walk in silence for a few more moments before Heeseung realises that Y/n will not be giving up anytime soon. "Don't you have your own classes to go to?" He asks, side-eyeing his cousin. "I only had one this morning so I have all day to annoy you." Y/n teases.

“Can’t you just go do something else today? I’ll call you when it’s time to leave.” Heeseung attempts to persuade. “You won’t call me.” Y/n deadpans, causing Heeseung to laugh sheepishly at how easily they can read him. “Got me there.” He mumbles.

“Okay, let’s make a deal. I’ll finish up my work here while you go and wait in my apartment. I’ll have to go back there to meet the guys anyway so we won’t leave without you., I promise.” Y/n narrows their eyes as they take in Heeseung’s words, scanning his own for any signs of bluff. With no clear signs of deception, Y/n reluctantly agrees - taking the keys to Heeseung’s apartment and getting out of his hair.

Heeseung’s apartment is very… Heeseung. It’s the first time Y/n’s seen the new place and let’s just say, they were not surprised. Under-decorated, aside from a few pieces that he clearly took from his parent’s house, a shelf dedicated to his growing Lego addiction and far too many shades of blue in a single space. Nothing quite matches… but Y/n supposes that’s expected in the house of a 22-year-old man.

Y/n makes themself at home on the one couch cushion that appears to have been used (a large Heeseung-sized dent giving away his typical spot) and pulls out their phone to buy some time. Heeseung mentioned that he had classes all day today - meaning they will be here for at least a few hours before hearing anything from him.

After helping themself to the food in the kitchen (which consisted of mainly ramen, chips and coke) and playing a few rounds of whatever games they could find in Heeseung’s collection, Y/n flops back down on the couch - completely bored out of their mind. Just as they’re about to take an afternoon nap, a loud knock at the door jolts them upright.

Checking the time, Y/n’s eyebrows furrow. Heeseung’s still got uni for another hour at least and the guys aren’t supposed to be coming over until after he’s done. Another knock sounds through the apartment, followed by a loud shout:

“Open the door, dude. I need to pee!”

Y/n stifles a laugh as they walk to the door, glancing through the keyhole to make sure it is in fact Heeseung’s idiot friends before opening the door. Jake immediately rushes past them, mumbling out some form of greeting before slamming the bathroom door behind him.

“Heeseung isn’t here yet, by the way.” Y/n says as the other two friends walk into the apartment. “Why, where is he?” Sunghoon asks, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Uh… school.” Y/n states the obvious, flopping back down onto the couch. “Yeah, he’s pretty serious about his studies this year, maybe you should give it a go.” Jay laughs, nudging Sunghoon with his shoulder. “Um, no thank you. I’m a c’s get degrees kinda person.” Sunghoon boasts as if what he’s saying is an achievement of sorts. “That’s not something to be proud of.” Jake states as he walks back into the room and takes a seat next to Y/n.

“Anyway, how’s my favourite window-climber?” Jake asks, teasingly resting his arm on the back of the couch behind Y/n. “How do you even know about that? You passed out drunk on Keeho.” Y/n laughs. “Y/n, darling, basically everyone knows.” Sunghoon says, sitting on the only free cushion. “It was like the highlight of the year so far.” Jake laughs.

“So… why did you have to escape from him anyway? Did he try to make a move on you or something?” Sunghoon asks, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows. “And they had to climb out a window? Aw man, that’s tough.” Jake cackles, pointing accusingly at their other friend, who stands unimpressed by the front door.

“Knock it off, guys. You’re gonna make them uncomfortable.” Jay scowls, his words going ignored as the two continue to pester Y/n about the events. “It was nothing like that. I was just drunk and did something stupid - I’m sure you guys know what it’s like.” Y/n says, their gaze pausing on Sunghoon, causing him to scoff in offence. “Why are you looking at me like that? I’ve never done anything stupid in my life.”

The conversation quickly gets interrupted by the sound of Heeseung entering the apartment, looking around confused when he notices the group of people sitting on his couch.

“Um… hi everyone?” He says, clearly puzzled by the situation. Walking into his apartment to see his cousin and three of his best friends sitting on the couch was definitely not what he expected. “I thought you guys were coming later?” He asks. “We wanted to come and hang out early but some loser was in class.” Jake frowns. “That’s you. You’re the loser.” Sunghoon adds as if to clarify. “So you guys just broke into my house instead?” Heeseung asks. “We didn’t break in… Y/n let us in.” Jake blames, pointing at Y/n accusingly. “Not on purpose! I opened the door to tell them to fuck off but then someone ran in to use the bathroom.” Y/n argues back. “Okay, okay, it doesn’t matter. Everyone, just grab your shit and get in the car. Y/n, you’re up front.” Heeseung orders. Jake and Sunghoon burst into a fit of complaints - mainly about Heeseung’s favouritism towards Y/n - but quickly quiet down with a quick glare from Heeseung. This is going to be a long trip.

“Y/n, can you turn up the aircon?”

“Y/n, pass me the aux.”

“Y/n, could you move your seat forward? I’m kinda squished back here…”

“Y/n… could you pass me an M&M?”

Y/n is starting to regret sitting in the front seat. At this rate, they’d rather be squished in the middle than take another stupid request from one of the boys.

Jay’s been oddly quiet. Aside from the times Y/n caught him looking at them through the rearview mirror, he’s spent most of the ride staring silently out the window. Come to think of it, he didn’t say much in Heeseung’s apartment either. Is he really that suspicious of Y/n? They try to think back to the one text conversation they had but nothing seems to stand out as any clear signs for why he’d be avoiding them.

Eventually, Jake and Sunghoon doze off in the back seat - leaving just Heeseung, Jay and Y/n awake in the car. “How long do we have left to drive?” Jay asks, leaning forward to prop his arm on the back of Heeseung’s seat. “Either 20 minutes or an hour.” Heeseung replies, making Y/n’s eyebrows furrow with confusion. “How can it be 20 minutes or an hour? Do you even know where you’re going?” Y/n accuses, causing Heeseung to roll his eyes. “Of course I do. We used to go here all the time. It just depends if the main entrance is still blocked off or not.” Heeseung shrugs, his words only adding to Y/n’s confusion. “What kind of place is this?” They ask, more to themself than anyone else. “Trust us, you’ll love it.” Jay mumbles.

It’s the first thing he’s said directly to Y/n since they left Heeseung’s apartment and judging by the lowness in his volume, Y/n’s not sure if he even wanted them to hear it. They turn back to look at Jay to find that he’s already moved back to his previous position - avoiding eye contact and staring at the passing cars. Y/n glances at Heeseung to see if he’s noticing the strange behaviour but his eyes stay focused on the road. They’ll have to ask him about it later.

Heeseung is a liar. That 20 minutes to an hour quickly turned into an hour and a half. “I haven’t been here in over a year, cut me some slack!” He claimed but the others just chalked it up to him having a bad sense of direction. Finally, just as the sun was beginning to set, the car came to a stop on a gravel road.

“Okay, you guys get out and start walking towards the spot. I’ll park the car so it’s hidden in the bushes and then I’ll join you.” Heeseung instructs. “Is this place illegal or something?” Y/n asks, their eyes wide. “It might technically be private property… but the owners are super old now so they’re never up here.” Jake says, his attempt at reassuring Y/n completely missing. “It’s just better to hide the car for safety reasons, we’re not gonna get in trouble, I promise.” Heeseung says, ruffling Y/n’s hair. They look at him apprehensively before getting out of the car and following the rest of the guys down a ragged path between some of the bushes. A few moments later, Heeseung rejoins the group and they walk for a few more minutes before finally reaching a clearing.

There, in front of them, is a small waterfall flowing into a beautiful freshwater swimming hole. It’s surrounded by an array of different rocks, with one large one that appears to be carved into some sort of diving platform.

“Oh my god… this is gorgeous.” Y/n says, in awe. “Welcome to our number one drinking spot.” Jake says, holding his arms out as if giving a tour of the swimming spot. “Wait, drinking? You’re telling me you idiots mixed alcohol and water?” Y/n asks in disbelief. “It’s fine,” Sunghoon waves them off. “Jay only almost drowned like, twice.” His words earn him a shove from Jay. “Just go get changed, idiot.” He laughs.

The group all split off behind some bushes to get changed into their swimsuits. Once reunited, Jake makes the first move by running and jumping into the cool water - letting out a loud “yahoo” before he gets submerged. “Race you to the top!” Sunghoon exclaims, pointing to the diving rock. He suddenly takes off, running towards the surface with Jay following quickly behind him.

Using this as their chance, Y/n gently pulls on Heeseung’s arm to gain his attention. “Is Jay acting weird to you?” They ask, causing the man to look down at them, puzzled. “What do you mean, weird?” Y/n rolls their eyes at their cousin’s poor observation skills. “Like… he’s basically ignoring me,” They point out. “I think he’s spoken to me maybe twice tonight.” Heeseung laughs at this. “Maybe you scared him off by climbing out his window.” His words earn him a harsh slap on the chest, making him yelp in pain. “That joke’s dead, Hee. And I’m being serious, it’s like he’s completely avoiding me.” With Y/n’s words, Heeseung looks out into the pool - spotting Jake obnoxiously waving the two over. “Maybe he’s just in a shitty mood. I’m sure he’ll talk to you eventually.” He says, giving Y/n a reassuring shoulder squeeze before getting in the water. Y/n sighs, looking back up to where Jay and Sunghoon are jumping off the rocks before joining the boys in the water.

As the group continues to play in the water, Y/n can’t help the way their gaze constantly shifts to Jay. He's the whole reason they're here, after all. Despite a diving competition, a game of water volleyball and being literally sat next to each other for dinner - he has barely looked Y/n's way (aside from a few glances when he thought Y/n wasn't looking.)

Growing tired of it, Y/n takes the chance when Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon go to start another diving battle. Just as Jay is about to follow after them, Y/n grabs his arm - stopping him in his tracks. With furrowed brows, Jay turns around to look at Y/n.

“What's up?”

It's the first words he's said directly to them all night - and he's so casual about it. Y/n feels like their head is going to explode.

“What's up? That's the first thing you say to me after ignoring me all night?” Y/n asks. “I haven't been ignoring you, Y/n.” Jay states, simply. “Then what the hell have you been doing?” They ask, beyond confused. Just as Jay opens his mouth to respond, the sound of Jake calling out to the pair interrupts him. “I’m sorry.” Jay sighs, going to join his friends before Y/n can get another word in.

“You coming, Y/n?” Heeseung shouts. “Uh… I think I’ll just watch this one.” Y/n responds, hoping the guys can’t hear the disappointment in their voice.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Heeseung took note of the weird tension between Jay and Y/n. It was obvious that Jay was not going out of his way to talk to Y/n but now, for some reason, Y/n wasn’t trying either. He tried subtly asking how the mini-chat went when Jay, Jake and Sunghoon were arguing over whose roasted marshmallow was the best - only to be met with a small pout and shake of the head.

As everyone begins packing up their belongings and heading back to the car, an idea pops into Heeseung’s head.

“Hey, Jay. Do you mind driving back? I feel like I’m going to pass out.” Heeseung mumbles, stretching his arms above his head as a large, exaggerated yawn escapes his lips. “It’s like 8 pm. What are you, a grandpa?” Jay asks. “Hey, all that swimming took it out of me! Besides, it’s a 2-hour drive. Do you really want me falling asleep behind the wheel?” Heeseung asks.

“Yo, we can cuddle in the back!” Jake exclaims, jumping to wrap his arms around Heeseung and Sunghoon’s shoulders. “I’m taking a window seat!” Sunghoon shouts, pushing his friend off before running to one side of the car. Y/n rolls their eyes at their childishness before moving to get into the passenger seat, pausing awkwardly when their eyes meet Jay’s.

The two watch each other for a moment through the open car door. Like each of them has something to say but can’t find the words to do so.

“Well, are you getting in?” Jay asks. Y/n nods silently, sliding into the passenger seat. Their eyes catch Heeseung’s in the back, him sending a small thumbs up as encouragement, before they turn to close the door.

Merely 20 minutes into the drive, Jay checks the rearview mirror to see all three of his friends passed out in the back. Relaxing slightly at the knowledge that they are asleep, he moves his gaze in Y/n’s direction. Their body is turned away from him, arms crossed as they focus their attention out the window.

“Are you cold?” He breaks the silence. The sun has long set and Y/n’s wet hair must not be helping fight off the night’s chills. “So, we’re talking now?” Y/n scoffs. Jay sighs, reaching forward to turn up the car’s heaters before turning his attention back to the road. It’s silent for a while before Jay speaks again.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you… I just still can’t get over what happened at my party. I know you said I shouldn’t worry but I can’t help it. It’s like I can’t get you out of my mind for some reason.”

With his confession, Jay turns his attention back to Y/n. They’re still turned away, although he can see their lips curl up into a small smirk at his words. “I don’t mean it like that.” He quickly follows up, the urgency in his voice causing Y/n to finally turn to him. “In what way do you mean it then, Jay?” They ask, voice teasing.

“I… I don't know, you're weird. I just don't get you.” Jay stammers, his odd reason causing Y/n to laugh slightly. “Well, lucky for you, you have plenty of time to figure me out.” They shrug. Jay goes to reply but is interrupted by murmuring from the backseat. He checks the rearview mirror to see Sunghoon shuffling around.

“Can you two shut the fuck up? We're trying to sleep.” He yawns, eyes still closed as he makes himself comfortable against Jake's side. “Sleep sounds good.” Y/n sighs, moving their body to face away from Jay once more. “Try not to kill us.” They mumble over their shoulder, earning an eye roll from Jay. “Yeah, whatever.” He grumbles, watching Y/n out the corner of his eye as they slowly drift off to sleep.

TAG LIST (open): @bringer-ofchaos @yenqa @fakeuwus @mrchweeee @jjongshrts @oldjws @jxp1-t3r @wildflowermooon @sunseeking-cryptid @miniature-tragedy @ashiitex @raginghellfire

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uselessbard1031 · 6 months ago

Text

Orphaning My Old Work???

Howdy everyone!

I'll keep this short, but I just wanted to hop on and let you all know that today I orphaned some of my old works on Ao3. I've been wanting to do so for over a year now and finally bit the bullet. Yes, this includes my most popular fic "Legend of Korra X Reader Oneshots" (for anyone whose request I didn't get to, I apologize. I bit off way way more than I could chew with that and have over thirty requests and a dozen half finished fics).

Why?

Well, when I started writing fanfiction for Ao3 I was 17/18 years old. I started publishing said fanfiction at 18/19/20 (19? I think?) and I am now in my mid-twenties so...I've changed. Lol. I've grown up.

When I first started writing I was immature and unexperienced with the world. I wrote for characters I never had attraction to myself (Ex. Adult! Toph, Suyin, Korra, Asami) because people asked me to, I saw those characters got hits, and I wanted to be liked online. It was hard because I didn't see them as romantic interests and I feel the writing suffered for that. Even 'I Bought A War Criminal' (another popular fic I wrote) I fell out of love with Kuvira while writing and it had a rushed ending due to that fact.

The X readers in particular had some smut chapters that explored kinks I don't have and truthfully had never even heard of until reading some other fanfictions. I won't get too personal, but, like many of us on here, I was exposed to way too much shit way too soon in my life so I found new edgy smut topics to keep me engaged. I've since dealt with some of that trauma and also experienced more IRL trauma around relationships and sexuality that make me read some stuff I wrote -- and stuff I READ while underage -- (ex. knife play, non-con, etc) and go woah hey who let me have Wattpad at 12 and what kind of effect did that shit have because--??? (I would like to say that being into certain kinks is not bad and I'm not trying to kink shame but to me I was desensitized due to exposure too young to NSFW material and due to some IRL trauma -- reading and writing that was my way to cope without actually working through any issues. An unhealthy way to cope. I didn't know healthy relationships because everyone in my life up to that point had abused me or hurt me in some way or another either intentionally or unintentionally so I figured Ao3 / Wattpad / Fanfic.net smut wasn't 'that bad'. Now, I deal with my trauma in healthier ways and realize it's just not what I'm into. A lot of it I wasn't even into when I wrote it. But I read it, so I wrote it. Even recently with Outlander I wrote wildshape smut not because I was into it but because all the other Jaheira fics had it and I figured hey it will get views. Because yes, smut gets views).

I'm just not proud of the writing quality. The first chapter of that X Reader Oneshots collection switches tenses like a million times. Who let me do that? Lol. I have a published book IRL that I'm taking down too because omg don't let 17 year olds self-publish XD

The point is, I never really wrote much of that stuff for me. I wrote it to get views. To get comments. To explore things I thought I was suppose to explore. Because no one in my real life was telling me I was good or capable. I wanted reassurance that I was writing the 'edgiest' stuff or the 'fluffiest' or the 'right characters' and the 'right stories'.

Going forward, I want to write for me. It's why I've moved fandoms because yes, I love Legend of Korra and Lin Beifong, but I'm not obsessed with it like I was. I found community in LOK and in AO3 and online in general but, after getting offline -- deleting social media -- reading things other than fanfiction -- basically, as I became less chronically online for the first time since Middle School, I realized that there's so much more out there that I enjoy. And much healthier ways to enjoy it.

I love all of the support you guys have given me and I stand by the amazing love and community I've gotten from all of my commenters and kudos-ers. But those fics just don't represent me anymore. Few of them ever represented me at all. Many were just what I thought would 'sell'.

I want to keep writing, so I will. But for the stories and characters I want to write about in ways that I actually enjoy. I want cute romances and metaphores for life. Writing smut feels like a chore most of the time so I'll probably just fade to black most of the time with a chapter or two exception. I still love fanficton -- it's an artform all its own. But yeah. Anyways, I hope my little ramble here makes sense and I hope you all get what I'm trying to say.

And if you are like past me -- having interacted with the internet and NSFW and smut since a young age and now feeling like every boundary isn't enough in fiction (*clears throat* I see you BookTok wth r those abusive ass relationships you're reading?) just know that maybe that kind of content isn't good for you and know that vanilla isn't lame. Know that you can write the stories and characters you want and that you don't have to write characters you don't want to write or situations that scare you. And you don't have to pretend not to be scared just for the sake of not kink-shaming.

Yeah. Anyway, if ya'll have any questions fell free to reach out to me! I hope you continue to like my work and if you don't, that's fine too. I hope you don't feel like I'm abandoning you. I think I'm just growing up and getting better mentally. <3

~UselessBard1031

#ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #burnout #writer #writing #author #archive of our own #orphaned works

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oh-my-bindery · 5 months ago

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Drarry fic id love to write but I'm too lazy: Second year canon divergence where Draco saw his father put something in Ginny's cauldron, got curious and manage to steal it back without anyone(including his father) realizing. Draco opens the journal. Meanwhile Harry quickly starts noticing Draco is acting weird(this fic being extra ironic with how little Harry notice Ginny, but easily notices Draco in Ginnys place being weird) would love to talk out how this would change canon. Especially 12 year old Harry being extra obsessed with Draco.

I don’t ever read rewrites that go so far back, but it could be so cute them becoming friends and Draco joining the Golden Trio!

I think it could deffo be a thing. I can imagine Draco basically writing to Voldemort about how much he hates Saint Potter and how unimpressed he is with him and how much of a show off Harry is. But then he writes little things like “once I wished I was his friend, but he rejected me, stupid Potter!” and he continues writing things like “I saw him today with his stupid hair and his stupid Quidditch robes, that by the way, look stupid on him and totally not cute”. Then he just rants and rants about things he notices about Harry and how he definitely doesn’t care for him and could never care about him, and one day he is like “I saw him smile today and I had this weird feeling in my stomach, I think my hate must be getting stronger”. And Tom is just like WTF ?! WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT POTTERS DISLIKES TOWARDS GOOD AND HIS HAIR AND HIS SMILE OMG! YOU HAVE TOLD ME NOTHING USEFUL THAT I CAN USE AGAINST HIM!

Although Tom can still use Draco like he used Ginny, but I don’t think Draco would ever be used to being Tom alive? Or maybe I just can’t think of how it would make sense.

Harry probably would notice that Draco is acting differently. As Draco could be realising that he still wants to be friends with Harry, maybe he can even be terrified by some flashes of memories he gets of Voldy and start to question his belief system? I don’t know.

But it would be cool if somehow Harry tried taking to Draco and they could become friends and Harry would be able to unteach Draco all about his beliefs put on to him by his parents.

They could continue being friends through out the years and develop a deeper bond later on. Probably crushing on each other hard in 4th, 5th and 6th year.

Canonically with how Draco is and how much he respects his father and wants to make him proud I don’t think it would work so well. It would take a lot to convince him his beliefs are wrong and harmful. Of course if written well it could be done, but I only ever read or am in a process of writing post-war or Deathly Hallows rewrites as that’s where Drarry actually makes sense the most and they are young adults or adults then.

I think there are few fic that I have yet to read like Draco Malfoy and the Mirror of Ecidyrue

I think it’s a time travel(?) fic and have a dynamic of Drarry becoming friends in their early years of Hogwarts.

CALLING ALL TGE DRARRY SHIPPERS, do you have a a canon rewrite where Draco and Harry become friends in early years of Hogwarts? DROP THEM

#Drarry #find a fic #canon rewrite

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marierg · 1 month ago

Text

A time of family

Rated: Safe for Everyone! (Lil angsty but it'll be ok)

Warnings: Foul Language! Mentions of holiday blues, not knowing parentage, loss of family.

Notes: This is all part of @pickleprickle 12 days of Life Day! Thank you again for the invite this was fun. Ok so a few notes, firstly this is Rebellion era. Secondly the main is an OC named Kar (Mandalorian for Star) he was born a year before the fall of the Republic. Thirdly this is all just a good old fashioned family life day, so shenanigans and cringe is included. Enjoy folks!

GIF by @snow-and-magic

Words: 3300k ish... that's short for me

Masterlist

Life Day had always been a little odd for Kar, always feeling like something was missing.

The newly dubbed “Echo” Base was abuzz with activity and not just because the Rebellion was in anticipation of Chief of Staff arrival. Kar was part of the forward detachment and proud to be too. He and his Pathfinders were good at their job, all part of being in elite ops. Covert insertion, observation, splicing and coding; all to ensure that this new base was as good as command claimed. Maker knew it wouldn't be the first time their intel had been osik. Fortunately the base, while cold as Kark, seemed to meet all their stringent needs.

“Hey Ba'vodi,” Rain came along side Kar. “You waiting for something or just like to pet the Tauntauns?”

“At least they don't talk back,” It was a little ironic that his cousin should be named as such given her disposition, but who was he to judge. “Brass on their way?”

“Yeah and the rest of Striile.” Rain smiled as her blond hair ruffled in the breeze from the blast doors. Kar was always so serious, but with any luck they were about to change that. “Dad too, he's coming in to help.”

Kar hummed, “That's nice. I'm glad he could make it in time for the holiday.”

“My uncle too,”

Kar rolled his eyes, “Which one?”

“You know which one di'kut. Any word from your gran?” At his solemn shake Rain gave her cousin a smile as she smacked his shoulder. “Hey, you got us right?”

“Yeah.”

Kar never knew his father, just one of the many clone troopers of the former Republic. It would have been nice to have known something of the man who helped give him life. He knew his mother's story though. She had been part of the early rebellion, helping subvert and sabotage the Empire. She'd been killed when he was five, they never got to put her to rest properly.

His grandparents had raised him on their quiet little nerf ranch. They loved him dearly and had despaired when he'd decided to join the Rebellion. They'd begged him not to go, but it was what Kar felt he had to do. He was always boiling for a fight, especially when he saw wrong being done. It was something his mother had said came from his father.

So out into the night he'd boarded the nearest transport and hadn't been home since. That first day on base he'd found other children of clones like himself, ready to finish what their fathers had begun and suddenly he wasn't alone in the galaxy. Rain became the closest, more sister than cousin. She had an unerring ability to get him to smile, little ray of sunshine that one. Still even today it did little to help.

As the incoming convoy progressed and ship after ship was guided to offload Kar still felt odd. Neither sad nor angry, just ambivalent. Normally seeing the other troops, especially his cousins, would bring a sense of warmth. Today all he wanted to do though was sulk. He should be happy to see Rain laughing as she tackled her father and uncle in a hug. There was something in the way the old Troopers had looked at him. Kar had shaken it off and let Rain have her joy by leaving to be on his own.

As he would always be.

“This may not be a great plan Ad'ika.” Rex cautioned his daughter.

“Kid's been on his own long enough Rex.” Wolffe grunted, “And he deserves to know the truth.”

“We can give him answers dad, answers that he needs.” Rain looked pleadingly at her Father. He was beginning to look older than his years and not only from the accelerated aging. She was lucky to know his stories of service, Uncle Wolffe's too. It was a privilege though, of knowing who she was and where she came from. Not all of her cousins had that, but she could give that to Kar. Leveling her dad with her most commanding stare, Rain set her shoulders in determination. “It's your duty Captain.”

Wolffe barked in laughter as Rex groused. He hated that look. It was his look and he'd be damned if it was used against him. Unfortunately it was very effective. “I still outrank you Sargent.”

“I'll tell mom...”

“Fine,” Rex sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose in defeat. He knew she was right, didn't help she knew it though. Rain beamed as she gave each of them a hug and bounded out to make arrangements. Rex looked out after her, worried as always. “There are days I wish she didn't take after me so much.”

“Strong genes,” Wolffe grunted, “can't be helped. Could say the same for Kar.”

“What if hates me for...”

“Rex,” Wolffe canted his head to the side, eyeing his younger brother. He well knew what was running wild in his mind, Maker knew Wolffe had his share of regrets and sorrow. Still it was their duty to care for the kamino'ad no matter the personal pain. Especially one to whom they owed so much, “The boy deserves to know.”

The south hangar was alight and there was an air of hope and cheer among the gathered rebels. Many were far from home and family, some could never return thanks to the Empire. Here for tonight there was a little slice of holiday cheer to buoy their weary spirits. Kar had chosen to set on watch, allowing the others to enjoy. Or at least he would have if not for his favorite cousin storming her way over and all but ordering him to go with her. So here he sat with a mug of Keshian spiced milk listening to another drunken round of Joh Blastoh.

“Either they're getting better or the rotgut you spiked this with is starting to work.” A pilot from rouge squadron hollered to En, another of their cousins in their little group spot. “Lieutenant, can't you tell them to sing something else?”

“Do you want to tell them?” En laughed from where they were playing Sabacc. “Alright cadets, pay up. Pure Sabacc.” Groaning commenced around the table as credits were exchanged. Kar never got in on such games, not that he often had time to spend his credits just that it never interested him. He enjoyed watching instead and tried to keep Rain from loosing too often. Speaking of the troublemaker, “So you got me here. Don't see why pulling guard duty protecting your credits has priority over the base safety?”

“Kaaaaaaarrrrr,” Rain whined buzzily. “Why can't you just enjoy down time as opposed to MAKING me MAKE you enjoy it? Now hold my credits I'll be right back!”

With that she was off like a shot, leaving him literally holding the bag. With a roll of his eyes Kar continued surveying the scene. Looked like Captain Solo had weaseled his way into the bay again. Course it probably helped that he was buddies with Princess Organa and most of the Rogue squadron. Still there was something about the smuggler that needled at him. Maybe it was his devil may care attitude or his formerly being an Imp, either way Kar kept a distance from the man.

“Corporal?”

Startled, Kar shot to attention. “Sir!”

“At ease Corporal.” Lieutenant Antilles chuckled waiving off any further formalities. Instead offering a hand forward, “Just wanted to thank you and your people for all the hard work.”

“Of course Lieutenant,” He clapped into the friendly greeting. Of the pilots, Antilles was one of the few that Striile squad counted among their friends. Antilles had gravitated into their orbit and just fit all to well, even if he was a bit of stickler. Still if they had any wants or needs, like magic they would soon be requisitioned. And all shortly after having talked to the hawkeyed Corellian. “Are you enjoying the new quarters?”

“Anythings better than running like a rat. But got to admit, it's an interesting little spot.”

Kar smirked, “Beautiful sunrises...”

“Oh and the crisp air in the hallway as your balls freeze off, can't beat that.” Both men chuckled as yet another drunken round of singing began to fill the bay. Wedge gave a glimmer of a smile as he saw Luke and Han lifting a very irritated princess up and dance her around. Looking back at the Corporal he gave a sigh, “Any word from your family?”

Kar shook his head, “Not in a while, but then again we don't exactly sent things by Imperial Post do we?”

“No we don't. Well I hope you hear from them soon and if you need anything...”

“Aye Sir,” He gave the officer an easy reply shaking his hand again.

Wedge jutted his chin to a spot behind Kar, “Looks like your Sargent wants you. Happy Life Day.”

“Yeah, you too.” Turning Kar could see Rain enthusiastically waiving him to the opposite side of the bay. Kark, she was practically hopping with excitement as he finally crossed his arms and leaned on the wall. He knew that expression, “What did you do?”

“What kind of thing is that to say?!” Rain scoffed, “And here I was excited but nooooo. Here comes my big grumpy Ba'vodi...”

“Alright, alright. So why do you look like the tooka ate the canary?” Last time his cousin was this happy it was after they'd raided an Imperial base and discovered a case of brandy in the ships they'd paperlessly requisitioned. “I know that look Rainy and you're up to something.”

Her face became instantly and very obviously nervous, “ME? Up to something?”

“You are the galaxy's worst liar, spill.”

“Ugh! Can't I just do something nice for you? Now close your eyes and follow me,” Rain couldn't tell if this was going to be good or bad yet. Probably didn't help she'd nearly concussed her cousin on the overhanging support before sitting him on a crate. With a deep breath she hoped for the best. “Ok so you're always telling me that it doesn't matter and that there was no way to find your dad's file BUT what if you could?”

Kar sat, eyes still closed but scrunched in puzzlement. “What?”

“Like I know you tried to look through the Imperial records...”

Kar shook his head as his head started to feel fuzzy. She couldn't have...

“And that you said it was fine and that it didn't matter that you couldn't find it...”

“Rainy wait,” As if holding up his hands in surrender would have stopped the avalanche of her words that kept falling.

“But I found him!” Rain realized a little too late that her cousin was now hunched over looking as pale as the walls themselves. “Oh Kark!”

“Easy there Ad'ika, just give him a minute. Here kid, take a drink.” A rough voice called as a hand gripped the boy's shoulder. “That's it easy on now.”

A flask was offered, from whom Kar couldn't tell. Blindly taking the drink his tunnel vision began to clear. Rain looked panicked as did the other three men in the small alcove. Two he recognized as the old Commander and Rain's father, the Captain. The other was... well he wasn't entirely human. He resembled the other troopers but had extensive prosthetics. It was something in the eyes though, confident and calm that set him more at ease. After several swigs of whiskey Kar handed back the flask.

The cyborg chuckled, “Rain didn't warn ya huh?”

“I'm soooorrrrryyyyy!” Kar glanced to his cousin who was now sobbing into her uncle Wolffe's shoulder. "It was supposed to be a nice surprise for Life Day..."

“It's ok sweetie, easy now. Remember you're not crying, your eyes are sweating,” Wolffe rumbled in repressed laughter. “Honestly Rex this kid never fails to put a smile on my face.”

“I'm so glad my child's emotional distress is entertaining for you.” He glared at Wolffe before pinching the bridge of his nose. Stars bless the girl she reminded him of his old general. Huge heart and wing the plan. Glancing back to the boy with the all too familiar face, Rex grimaced, “Sorry Corporal she has the best intentions.”

Kar stood on shaky legs and walked over to Rain. Gently turning her shoulder he gave her a hug. If at all possible she cried harder, causing Kar to chuckle. “Rain it's ok, you did good cuz.”

“I...I...I did?” she sniffled.

“Hell of a way to drop that bomb," Letting her go Kar smirked, "but yeah. So....”

“So? OH!” Rain turned following his eyes to her other uncle. Recognizing that she hadn't actually told him anything yet, Rain swiped the last of her tears away. “So this is Uncle Echo he's... Also your Uncle.”

Kar deflated a little but stood patiently as Rain got into her rhythm again.

“But when I say he's your uncle too I mean that he's your father's brother, his twin actually!”

“Why don't I take it from here,” Echo could see that the boy was getting more and more confused the longer his little niece went on. Gesturing back to the crates Echo prepared himself, “Think you'd better sit down for this kid.”

“Yeah.”

Rain was still talking in the other corner with her dad and uncle. The Captain was still looking at him, but it was another person he saw. Someone whom he had known very well. Glancing back at this newest family member Kar tried to find a trace of familiarity in the well creased face next to him. Same nose, similar expression.

“You have many questions, I know that this can't be easy for you.”

"It's just... after all this time, ya know." Kar glanced at his boots once more, “All I ever had was a number, CT- 5555.”

“Fives, his name was Fives,” The old trooper replied softly. Echo gritted his teeth, not from the cold but from the pain. Kark he missed his brother, like one of his own phantom limbs. A chunk of himself had never left that chamber after his rescue, knowing that Fives had died only months before. He had carried on though, still fighting as the two of them had, but it wasn't the same. Now, now as he gazed across at this young man whose resemblance was so uncanny, he felt that part of himself slowly waking from it's long slumber. He had to go slowly though, the boy didn't know him and it had been a hell of a shock. “He was my brother, my best friend. He would have taken on the galaxy bare handed. The fact that you're a Pathfinder...”

"Was he a commando?"

Echo snorted, "No, ARC Trooper. "

Kar's eyebrow raised seeing Echo's eyes crinkle at some unknown joke. “My mom said he was one of the best.”

“Is she...?”

“No, she passed a while ago,” Kar shook his head, “but I read her old journals sometimes.”

“I'm sorry ad'ika.” Echo felt such regret in his heart at that news. If he had known, maybe if he had found them sooner. His nephew needed him now though, “She must have been quite the woman.”

Kar smiled fondly, “She was. I miss her so much.”

“They're never really gone son, simply marching far away.” Rex came to sit with the two, finally finding his resolve. “We find each other after this life, I'm sure that Fives found your mom.”

“You knew him as well?”

Rex chuckled, “Oh yes, from the Rishi moon until...”

Kar watched the Captain's eyes cloud over. He understood it far too well. “You were with him.”

“Yes.” Rex swallowed.

“How did he die?”

“organic chips built into us... a code to follow any order... even kill the Jedi...”

Rex could still hear Fives pleading for them to listen. How many lives could have been saved if they had? Shaking his head the old Captain tried to find the words to explain, “He was trying to warn us...”

“It's alright Rex, let me.” Echo took a deep breath. “Your Father died trying to expose the truth of the Emperor. He was framed and died in infamy. It's the reason that you wouldn't have found anything, his record was sealed. Later on the truth was exposed.”

“What?” Kar sat back in shock.

“If it hadn't been for your Father, more innocent lives would have been sacrificed.” Rex breathed out, the weight lessened from before. “It was because of his knowledge that we were able to later save as many troopers as we did.”

“Because of Fives we know about the inhibitor chips that were in our heads and how to safely remove them,” Wolffe pointed to his own scar. “Your dad made it possible to cut the leash that tethered us all.”

“Ba'vodi, without your dad I wouldn't have mine. He saved his life.” Rain piped in with a sad little look.

“Five's story is not about how he died Kar'ika,” Echo watched as the young man tried to process all this. “It's how he lived.”

Kar sat digesting this as best he could. To know that not only was his father a hero but that he had died trying to stop the very war they now fought... the war that had also taken his mother. There was an anger within him, but at the same time it was now tempered by this new knowledge. Glancing back at the faces gathered around him Kar's voice shook, “What was he like?”

“Loyal, brave, and in a word... trouble,” Echo chuckled. “From the time we were cadets you dad got me into more messes. Thought we'd never get to be ARC Troopers with all our write ups.”

Kar rolled his eyes before they landed on Rain. “Oh that sounds familiar.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Rex scrubbed his hand over his eyes.

“You can't prove anything!” Rain slipped before smacking a hand over her mouth, “I mean...”

Echo and Kar shared a look before dissolving into laughter. They spent hours swapping stories of old times, the happy and the sad. It was cathartic to finally, in a small way, know his father. The Captain, no ba'vodu Rex, gifted him with something Kar never thought to own. It was a copy of an old holo, partially degraded but still clear enough. There stood four troopers, not much older than Rain and he. And in the center stood his father, indeed looking like he could have taken on the Galaxy.

"'bout thought I saw a ghost coming off that transport earlier." Rex hummed. "Though I got to say your goatee is far neater than your dads."

"Rain keeps trying to make me shave it off."

Wolffe snorted, "Leave him be, though it could use a mustache to match."

"Regulations state..."

Kar groaned, "now who's the fun sucker?"

"I didn't say you were a fun sucker, I said you had a stick up your..."

Echo and Rex laughed at the two. They may not have met till the rebellion but by the stars they were alike. Rex turned to Echo, "Remind you of someone?"

"Can't imagine," he smiled broadly. If they were at all like the Dominos or Torrent then the Empire was karked.

Life Day was complicated for Kar, but now at least it was far less lonely.

Translations (Mando'a):

Ad'ika- little one/ little child

Ad- child/son/ daughter

Ba'vodi- cousin (So there isn't a proper word for it and we had to make one; stemming from Ba'vodu meaning uncle/aunt, instead added the diminutive [I])

Kamino'ad- son's/daughter's of those from Kamino (Again had to make one up; Clones aren't necessarily considered Mandalorian so this is what I came up with)

Osik- shit

Kark- Fuck

Tags: @the-rain-on-kamino @pickleprickle @kimiheartblade

PS- Thanks for the vibes @kimiheartblade, finally got 'er done.

#star wars #arc trooper fives #captain rex #the clone wars #commander wolffe #arc trooper echo #OC Kar #OC Rain #rebels rex #rebels wolffe #han solo #princess leia #luke skywalker #wedge antilles #echo base #the original trillogy #empire strikes back

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