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sokkascroptop · 3 years

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traitor. (sokka x f!reader) pt 25

part 1 | part 24

A/N: she’s HERE!!! anyways, post and dip BYE

Y/N bit her bottom lip as she shook the dice around the wooden cup she was holding. She was losing–badly. Sho, a game that Aang had taught them a few days ago when Zuko had let up on their firebending training, was an Air Nomad game that the monks would play. Aang was a little confused on the rules, so they’d filled in the blanks where they needed to with their own.

And Sokka was good at it, way better than any of the rest of them. Which is probably why he’s suggested they’d start betting money.

“Just roll them!” Zuko growled from next to Y/N where he was laying on his stomach, head propped in his hands. Y/N gave him a sharp look and let the two dice fall from the cup onto the ground. Snake eyes. She’d only be able to move her pieces two spaces. Y/N let her head fall into her free hand with a resounding smack. She could hear the disappointed sighs from the rest of the gang around her. Sokka had already leeched them of their money, Y/N was their only hope, and now she was going to lose too.

Of course the money that they all had was shared amongst themselves, but it was purely the principle of the fact.

Sokka snatched the cup cleanly from Y/N’s left hand, dropping the dice into it before shaking it. Surely he couldn’t roll exactly a seven, there was no way– “Are you kidding me?!” Y/N shouted as Sokka laughed and grabbed what meager money Y/N had thrown into the pot and shoved into his now full pouch. “How did you roll a seven? How?!”

Sokka’s eyes sparkled with mirth. “I’ll never tell my secrets.”

Y/N pouted. “I feel like I was just swindled.” Well, at least she knew how those people in the Fire Nation felt when Toph stole all their money.

Sokka scooted closer to Y/N and threw an arm around her shoulder. She automatically leaned in. “Oh don’t be such a sore loser, I’ll buy you something nice in the next town we stop in.” He winked at her.

Butterflies fluttered in Y/N’s stomach in response. She rolled her eyes, fought off a smile and sent him a withering glare back which didn’t phase Sokka in the slightest. In fact, he looked more pleased with himself.

“Shut up, Sokka,” Toph said what everyone was thinking and Y/N felt herself giggle along with the rest of them.

“Aw, Toph we’re buds, you don’t really–”

“No, seriously! Everyone–shut up. I hear something off in the distance.” Toph stood up and turned her head so one of her ears was pointed in the direction of the canyon.

Y/N quickly pulled out of Sokka’s reach and scrambled to her bag where her sword lay, sheathed and untouched since she got back from Boiling Rock. There was a near imperceptible shake in her hands as she pulled the sheath off and dropped it to the side, adrenaline already coursing through her body. Everyone else was frozen, either staring at Toph or Y/N. Despite her asking for silence, Toph turned to Y/N. “Do you hear it too?”

Suki was standing too now. Something about the way Toph and Y/N acted had set her off too. “No,” she answered for both of them. “I don’t hear anything. Not even the birds.”

Truthfully, Y/N hadn’t even thought of that. The cave dwelling birds that lived in and around the temple were always chirping. It had become the background noise to their lives, but now it was silent.

Y/N let out a shaky breath. It was true, the stillness of the air was unnerving. It reminded her of the fights that happened in the yard at Boiling Rock. The ones where you could hear a pin drop before the brawl began, or the solitary click of boots down the halls in the middle of the night before some prisoner was pulled from their room with a piercing scream. It was the moonlight shining through the leaves in the forest that night before Kaito and his friend attacked. Too quiet was too quiet and it made her stomach roll with fear.

The first explosion rocked the very ground Y/N stood on. It felt like an earthquake, but Y/N knew better.

Three Fire Nation airships seemed to rise from the canyon itself. Over her shoulder, Y/N could hear bits of the Air Temple crumbling in on itself where the first bomb hit. In the 100 years since the Fire Nation was last here, their technology and weaponry had only gotten more advanced. The temple was old and unkept, it wouldn’t last long enough to protect them.

Aang broke away from the group and ran to his glider. With a powerful swing he was able to airbend yet another fireball heading for the roof, back in the direction it came from. It exploded next to the far left airship, sending it careening sideways, but it wasn’t enough to take it down. Another one smashed into the fountain sending stones and dust flying through the air. It stung her eyes and choked her throat. Y/N coughed and stumbled backwards, running right into someone. Hands gripped her arms, keeping her steady.

“We have to head to the back of the temple!” Sokka shouted into Y/N’s ear. It was a good thing too, another section of the roof came crashing down, much too close for comfort. She caught sight of Zuko and Katara diving to the side to avoid being crushed by the falling rocks.

Y/N nodded and the two of them ran towards the back of the temple to where Haru and Toph were bending a hole in the ground large enough to fit Appa. Suki was currently trying to help Aang wrangle Appa, who was having nothing with the thought of being pulled underground.

“Come on Appa, it’s okay!” Aang tried to reassure as he tugged on Appa’s reins. The sky bison bellowed loudly in response and dug his heels in.

Everyone else had started to make their way into the tunnel first, Chit Sang was helping Teo navigate his wheelchair over the bumpy rocks, The Duke close behind. All they had to do was get Appa to go too and they’d be safe. Well, safer than where they were now.

Sokka, Y/N and Katara joined Aang and Suki in trying to coax Appa into the tunnel. Y/N promised belly rubs and as many moonpeaches as Appa could eat if he just took a few more steps forward but he wasn’t budging.

They were really pushing it close now, with each explosion more of the temple fell away; half of the courtyard was already gone.

Y/N looked back to the ships, which looked larger than she’d ever seen before. Standing at the head of the middle ship, like it was her own personal army–which it probably was–was Azula.

And Zuko had caught sight of her too.

Y/N already knew what was going through his mind before he probably did. “Zuko! Get back here now!” she shouted.

“What are you doing?!” Aang chimed in, making a move towards stopping him.

Zuko barely even glanced back and through a pause in the explosions, Y/N could hear his voice loud and clear. “I’ll hold them off. I think this is a family visit.”

“Zuko!” Y/N and Aang both yelled simultaneously. Appa’s reins fell from Y/N’s hands and she reached back for her sword, ready to follow Zuko into battle.

But her hand paused, just as she touched the leather grip.

What was she supposed to do? Y/N had always, always been tailing after those two. Always soothing both sides after their fights, promising a better tomorrow if–

“–if you just please get along, for me.”

Y/N growled before grabbing Appa’s reins once again. She couldn’t be that person anymore. She couldn’t keep pretending that she was their nurse-maid, there to apologize for when one was mad at the other. This wasn’t about elementary school games in the palace gardens, this was a war; life and death. And as much as it hurt her to admit, Y/N might not be able to save them both.

Besides, she was sure that her presence would only cause more trouble, it always did.

“This isn’t working.” Sokka pushed his hair out of his face with frustration. “We’ve got to get out of here now.”

Aang shook his head. “Appa isn’t going to go into that tunnel!”

Appa seconded this statement with a roar.

“Aang, we can’t fly out of here!” Katara gestured wildly in front of them to the airships that were mostly blocking their only way out besides the tunnel.

A large shot of orange flames caught their attention. Even in the daylight it was blinding. Azula and Zuko were battling one another, but the airships hadn’t slowed their onslaught on the Air Temple.

“We’ll have to try.” Y/N could hear the determination in Aang’s voice but she kept her eyes on the ships, on the blue and orange flames that were dancing across the top of the centermost one.

Y/N turned her head over her shoulder. “They might not be expecting that. It’ll take a while to change their trajectory and we could slip away. If we’re fast enough.”

She locked eyes with Aang and an understanding passed between them.

“So we can’t take everyone...”

“No.”

Katara reached behind her absently in the direction of her father. “What do you mean we can’t take everyone?! We aren’t being separated again!”

“Appa can’t carry us all. We need to move fast if we have any chance of getting out of here.”

Sokka nodded in agreement. “We have to split up. They can still get away, Katara.” Sokka looked away from his sister to his father. “You can take the tunnel and get to the stolen airship.”

“No…” Katara’s voice broke and Y/N busied herself with climbing into Appa’s saddle.

“It won’t be forever,” Hakoda promised before pulling his two kids into his chest.

Y/N waved down to him sadly, as Suki and Toph piled in next to her. She sent up a silent message to whichever god or spirit that was listening to keep her new friends safe in their own escape.

“Which way?” Aang asked as he looked out to the canyon.

Y/N couched near Appa’s head and pointed directly at the airships. “Wait until there’s a break between the firebender’s hitting the temple, then go up as high as you can.”

Riding on Appa’s back on a good day made Y/N feel like she was floating; where her stomach was in her chest and her heart was in her throat and every gust of wind made her gasp.

So when Appa dove and rocked side to side avoiding the explosions aimed at him, it was safe to say Y/N was left queasy. The higher they climbed, the less fire reached them.

In a moment of clarity, where they drifted above the airships in the cloudline, Y/N was able to think about how much she hated where she was; about who she was.

As she peered over the edge of the saddle, trying to get her eyes on Azula and Zuko, she wished so badly that she would just wake up from this awful nightmare, back in her bed on Ember Island, ten years old and nothing to worry about. Before she met Azula; before her life became this.

And then she saw them. On top of the center airship, fighting one another like they were true enemies. And for once, it looked like Azula was evenly matched. The siblings simultaneously threw fire-packed punches at each other, and where they met in the middle blew up into an inferno of blue and orange flames, blowing both Azula and Zuko over the edges of the airship, plummeting to the bottom of the canyon.

Aang saw it first, diving Appa down before Y/N could even register what just happened.

“Oh my spirits. Aang?!” Y/N hung halfway out of the saddle as they dropped quickly through the smoke in the direction they last saw Zuko. Fear spiked through her body like a white hot knife. “Does anyone see them?”

Y/N was met with silence, just the wind whistling past her to fill her ears. She wasn’t sure if someone spoke up she’d be able to hear them anyways. Her nails dug into the soft leather under her hands, so deep half-moons were sure to be left behind long after she let go. Y/N stared into the clouds, dizzy and hyperventilating.

One breath in–

“There!” Sokka hollered, jumping to the edge next to her.

–and out.

It was by some divine force that Y/N was able to reach Zuko as he was falling. Even with Aang steering Appa in his direction, Y/N almost missed. It’s like she was moving in slow motion, their fingers dug into one another’s arms and the sudden weight of him pulling on her almost had Y/N tipping out of the saddle, shocking her back to reality.

The only thing that caught her was someone’s hands fisted in the back of her shirt. That was a good idea. Y/N reached around and grabbed the back collar of Zuko’s shirt, dragging him in roughly.

His hands were scorching hot from the recent firebending but he didn’t let go of her, instead his fingers tightened around her arm as the two of them stared back towards the cliffs. Their eyes were locked on the sight in front of them.

Like Zuko, Azula was falling too. But she didn’t have anyone to catch her.

Y/N hated the way she took a shaky breath in automatically. “She’s not going to make it.”

Y/N made a move towards the back edge of the saddle, as if somehow being closer meant that she could lean out and help. She wanted to look away; she didn’t want to see her best friend plummet to her death but she couldn’t turn away, she couldn’t break her eyes from the sight in front of her.

But in true Azula fashion, she persevered through all–she was just too stubborn to die yet. She firebent herself closer to the cliff face and caught herself on the rocks with her hair pin.

“She did make it.” Zuko’s voice was surprisingly full of relief.

Even from the distance, Y/N could feel the anger Azula emitted. But that wasn’t Y/N’s problem anymore, as much as she wanted it to be.

She sat down, facing away from the cliffs–away from Azula–and pulled her knees to her chest. Zuko sank down next to her, doing the same.

Momo, sensing some shift in her emotions, crawled into Y/N’s lap. She scratched absentmindedly behind his ears. She looked across her friends in wonder, all crammed together in the Appa’s saddle, in various states of shock. She wished they’d all met under better circumstances, but she was glad to have met them nonetheless. She would never be the person she was today without them. This was the life she was meant to have, even with how messed up it was.

They flew for as long as Appa could fly and then some more, needing to get the most distance between them and the Fire Nation airships as possible. They only landed, all fully exhausted, when Appa could go no farther and the sun was low in the sky.

----

Zuko and Y/N tasked themselves with setting up the tents while everyone else split off from the group and began to set up camp in a familiar daze; no words necessary.

“I get it now.” Zuko shook one of the tent canvas’ out over the grass, clearing off dust from the journey, doing everything in his power to avoid Y/N’s eyes.

She yawned as she pulled out the tent stakes and tossed them on the ground near his feet. “Get what?”

“I get, well–you now. It’s something Azula said when we were fighting.” Zuko mumbled. He began to thread the wooden supports through loops in the canvas without another word.

Y/N blinked wondering if she heard him correctly. “What did she say?”

Zuko seemed even more hesitant to speak now. Azula was a sore subject around camp before she’d just attacked them. The last thing they needed was someone to hear them talking about her. “Something about how she had to do it. The way she talked, I don’t even want to hear the garbage Father is filling her head with.”

Y/N cringed and with a pang of worry, she wondered how Ozai would take the loss of Aang once again. “You don’t think she’s too far gone, after what she did?”

Zuko chewed on his lip for a second. “She’s making it very hard to sympathize with her.”

“But?”

“No, I don’t.”

A sudden rush of hope filled Y/N. She wasn’t going to be alone in this quest for saving Azula. She and Zuko had just become allies in yet another way, and while it was never going to be easy, she would at least have a companion.

And it helped that it made Y/N feel a little less crazy about the whole thing. It was true; since her confession to the others Y/N couldn’t help but think that she might have been wrong all along. She’d rolled that thought around her brain until it became all she could think about when she was alone. With Zuko’s own admission, Y/N felt like the goal was much more attainable.

Y/N couldn’t help the grin that grew on her face. “That’s–”

“Zuko.”

Y/N’s lips zipped shut and she turned to look at Katara. She looked between the two of them with a sour expression on her face. “Sokka needs help carrying firewood. We need a lot of it, it’s going to be cold tonight.”

Y/N knew that tone of voice. It wasn’t a question of whether he wanted to go help, it was an order for Zuko to get up and leave Y/N alone.

“Uh, yeah. Okay.” Zuko handed Y/N the tent stakes and jogged off in the direction they’d seen Sokka go when they’d landed.

Y/N barely caught Katara leaving, walking away just quickly as she had come. Leaving it up to Y/N to get the rest of the tent set up before dinner.

Y/N really did try and give Katara the benefit of the doubt. She’d been through a lot, and Y/N felt like she had dragged her through more by admitting that she wanted to help Azula. But it was hard to ignore some of the outright hostility she showed Zuko–and Y/N too–if she was around him.

While at one time, she had encouraged Y/N to become friends with Zuko once again, now it seemed like that was the last thing Katara wanted anymore. The flip-flopping left Y/N confused and worried. Was her newly rekindled friendship with Zuko the same thing that was dousing the friendship between her and Katara?

----

Y/N didn’t know what was making her more queasy. What had happened at dinner with Katara, or the fact that she and Sokka were currently spreading out blankets in his tent, for both of them to sleep on. It was so...private.

“What do you think was going on with Katara at dinner? She was all–I don’t know–pouty. And then Zuko? Running after her?”

Y/N sat down and crossed her legs, fixing a corner of one of the blankets until it was perfectly straight, just hoping to give her hands something to do before giving a noncommittal shrug. “I’m not sure.”

Zuko had shared a look with Y/N before he got up to follow Katara to the coastline, like they were in on something together. However, she was completely in the dark. Mostly. Well, Y/N was smart enough to make a guess.

Sokka cocked his head to the side and sat down across from her. “I think you know more than you’re letting on.”

Y/N furrowed her brows. “Maybe. I’m just guessing.”

“Then what’s your guess?”

“Katara is mad about something.”

“Well yeah, obviously,” Sokka scoffed.

“But Zuko hasn’t done anything recently for her to be mad at. So it’s either a long held grudge from Zuko’s ‘hunting the Avatar’ days, or something new is making her mad.”

“Like what?”

Y/N looked away. “I think she’s mad at me.”

“You? For what?”

Y/N leaned back on her hands, fisting them in the blankets before letting them go. “Come on, you know what.”

“I thought we all were past that?”

“Maybe she’s not.”

Suddenly the opening of the tent was pushed aside and someone came barreling in, stepping on Y/N’s left hand in the process.

“Ow!”

“Sokka, I need to–” Zuko stopped and looked down. “Sorry, Y/N…?”

His voice trailed off as his eyes bounced from Y/N to Sokka to the blankets spread neatly across the spanse of the tent, all illuminated by one single lantern on the floor.

Zuko’s cheeks grew pink. “Sorry, I didn’t know... I didn’t mean to interrupt, I–”

Y/N felt her own cheeks heat up as she realized what Zuko was implying, the flush spreading all the way down her neck. “No! You weren’t interrupting anything!!”

“It’s just the way the blankets are all–”

Sokka let out a strangled noise. “Nothing was gonna happen!!”

“Okay!” Zuko crossed his arms across his chest tightly.

“Okay,” Y/N repeated. She folded her hands in her lap and stared at her thumbnails, unable to meet either boys’ eyes. All three of them were quiet, still cringing over the embarrassment that had just happened.

Sokka cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “So, Zuko, you needed something?”

“Uh, yeah.” He sat down next to Y/N. “It’s about your mom.”

Y/N’s head snapped up. What she knew about Sokka and Katara’s mom was little to none. She knew that she had been killed in a Fire Nation raid when both of them were younger, but that was the extent of Y/N’s knowledge. Neither sibling liked to talk about her in detail, and Y/N didn’t pry.

“Do you want me to…?” Y/N nodded her head towards the tent flaps, unsure whether this was a private conversation. She looked between the boys, waiting for an answer.

Sokka shook his head. “No, it’s okay.” Already his brows furrowed deeply. He chewed absently on his lip before saying, “What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about the day she died.”

Y/N glowered at Zuko, wanting to reach out and punch him in the arm for asking about something so sensitive.

“I don’t like to think about it,” Sokka’s eyes had a far away look in them, like he wasn’t seeing Y/N and Zuko in front of him, but was imagining the way the tundra looked on the day his mother died all those years ago. “I was nine, Katara was eight. We were out playing in the snow with Mom and Dad when the ash began to fall…”

----

Sokka’s story had lasted long into the night, and overall left Y/N with more questions than answers. Of course they were questions that no one could answer for her. No one could explain what was going through that man’s head when he decided that Kya’s life was worth less than his. No one could explain the greater complexities that were behind the Fire Nation’s decimation of other cultures, not in a satisfying way that would help Y/N ever understand. Because that was that; she would never understand–the fear factor, the sense of power that came from knocking one culture aside to make way for your own. (Why would you destroy when you could cultivate and grow and learn from each other? She had learned so much about that in the past few months.)

And all of those thoughts made it hard to sleep. There were too many things going through Y/N’s head as she watched Sokka’s chest move up and down with each rhythmic breath. Furthermore, she knew that Zuko wouldn’t have asked for the story if he didn’t already have plans made for what he was going to do about it, and that did not sit well with Y/N.

----

And she was proven right, the next morning after a few hours of sleep when Katara marched up to her, Aang and Sokka asking to borrow Appa.

“Why do you need to borrow Appa?” Aang asked with a smile. It slowly faded into a frown as he looked between Katara and Zuko. “What’s going on guys?”

Katara squared her shoulders, steeling herself like she was about to get into a fight. “Zuko knows who killed my mother.”

At that moment, Y/N’s ears started ringing. She frowned at Zuko, who just shook his head and frowned back at her. She should have known that any question he asked last night had an ulterior motive. This was his brilliant plan to make Katara like him??

Without warning, Katara stole Y/N’s attention back.

“Y/N, you’ll come with me won’t you?”

The older girl looked over and caught Katara’s gaze. “Huh?”

Katara looked down at Y/N hopefully. “I don’t care if Zuko comes, but I want you to. I need you.”

Y/N blinked at her. There were a lot of things that she wanted to say but the words just seemed to tangle around her mouth. She’d open her mouth to say one thing but snap it shut immediately for something else. Finally with a quick shake of her head she blurted out, “No.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to watch you hunt someone down and kill them.” The words left a bad taste in Y/N’s mouth. They were all too familiar to her. And the mere thought of doing that…

“I need this. I can’t just forget about him now that I know he’s still out there. I can’t just let it go!”

“I wouldn’t expect you to forget it,” Y/N replied slowly as she stared at Katara’s shaking hands.

“So help me.”

“No. And if you want me to be real honest, I don’t think that either of you should be going!” Y/N sent a very pointed look to Zuko. What is this really about? She wanted to ask him. “Revenge is not going to fix how you feel, Katara.”

“How would you know?”

“I just do.”

“Well you’re wrong. This man is a monster. He deserves it.”

“But you don’t need to be the one doing it.”

“Katara,” Y/N doesn’t have to look at Aang to know he’s sad. It comes through in his voice, clear like bells. “I understand how you–”

“Stop.” Katara’s voice cut through the air like a knife. “If you’re going to tell me not to go then you don’t understand either.”

“I do understand! How do you think I felt when the sandbenders took Appa, or when I woke up and found out what happened to my people?! Doing this out of revenge is not right and you know it.” Aang was standing now, a divot punctuating between his eyebrows as he frowned at Katara.

“You’re both wrong,” Zuko murmured. He was so quiet during the whole exchange, Y/N nearly forgot he was there. “This is about closure and justice.”

“Katara, please,” Sokka spoke up from behind Y/N. He too had stayed quiet for most of the conversation. Y/N wondered if he had an idea that this was going to happen after Zuko came to talk to him too. “She was my mother too, but this isn’t right.”

“Then you didn’t love her like I did.” It felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been splashed over Y/N’s body. She jerked at Katara’s words, even though they weren't aimed at her. In one foul swoop Y/N wanted to scream at Katara for saying something so hurtful to her brother and simultaneously pledge to do everything in her power to make the man who killed their mother pay for his crimes. However, Y/N didn’t have time to do either, because while she was still thinking of which was the better option, Katara spun around on her heel and stomped away, not unlike a child having a tantrum.

----

Y/N huddled between Sokka and Aang behind one of the large rocks surrounding their camp, watching as Katara and Zuko, dressed in black, loaded Appa with supplies. Her mind drifted to how cozy Toph and Suki probably were as they slept peacefully around the campfire. The wind bit through her clothes and Y/N shivered involuntarily. She knew that the point of staying up, waiting for Katara and Zuko to sneak away, was to once again try and convince Katara that this wasn’t the right thing to do. Aang thought that confronting them again would somehow bring Katara to her senses, except–this was Katara acting with her senses. As angry as she could get, she never forgot to plan, she wasn’t acting on a whim anymore.

Y/N didn’t know if she could say anything to convince Katara to stay that Aang and Sokka hadn’t already tried; Katara had shown her hand already and her mind was hard to change once it was set on something.

The three of them stepped out, just as Zuko and Katara were leaving. Y/N made a beeline to Katara.

“Please, Katara, listen to me.” Y/N kept her voice low, quiet enough that it was just for the two of them, and tugged on the girl’s sleeve childishly.

“No.” Katara didn’t have the same idea, her voice was strong and clear and it rang out loudly. Despite this, she still stopped and let Y/N reach to grip her wrist. She could feel Katara’s rapid pulse through her sweater.

Y/N shivered and crossed her arms across her chest, as if it would hide the gaping wound in between her ribs. The hurt that came from watching her friend choose the wrong path. It was a familiar pain.

“You told me once that you can’t just wish feelings away. You think by killing him it’s going to make things right. It won’t. You’ll feel better for a moment; a fraction of a second while his life is in your hands and then you’re going to regret it. The moment will pass and you’ll see what you’ve done. You’re strong but that’s not the kind of person you are, nor the kind of person you’ll ever be.

“Maybe that’s just you.”

The words stung. It wasn’t even meant to be a particularly hateful comment but Y/N couldn’t help but feel hurt over it.

She felt numb as she watched Katara climb onto Appa and fly away into the dark.

----

Something about the dark of camp and the unsettling feeling of having their group suddenly minus three made it hard for Y/N to find sleep. And when she did, it wasn’t peaceful. It had been a long time since Y/N had had a nightmare so realistic. She could still feel blood on her hands–

She sat straight up out of her sleep, kicking at the blankets that were tangled in a sweaty mess around her legs.

Her eyes took a moment to adjust as she looked around. Sokka’s tent was much darker than it was when they slept outside, the canvas blocking out the natural light from the moon and stars and a dying campfire–and it was warmer too–under all those blankets.

Then, Y/N realized a majority of the heat was radiating from Sokka next to her. His arm was still around her, knocked from her waist to the tops of her thighs when she sat up.

He was sleeping on his stomach, his face buried in his pillow–with one half open eye staring at her. “Lay down, is’okay.” He patted her leg with his hand and rolled to his side, both of his eyes closed now.

Y/N did lay down, even though her heart was pounding and everything within her told her she needed to run, to do something instead of staying here like a sitting duck.

She clutched her hands in fists, focusing on her breathing, which was still shaky. She stayed rigid, flat on her back–the easiest position to get up and defend from.

Despite this, Sokka snuggled closer, pressing his nose into her shoulder and wrapping his arm back to where it was across her waist, his hand splaying out across Y/N’s stomach comfortingly. Her shirt had shifted in the night, and his pinky brushed bare skin, leaving Y/N the feeling of butterflies, though she didn’t really mind.

She was falling asleep now, her tiredness overwhelming her sense of danger, and through that haze she could feel Sokka’s hand move, pulling her shirt further down and covering the bare skin he was once touching. And back was the warmth of his hand, resting protectively over her abdomen.

----

It had been Sokka’s idea to go out and have a picnic. Only after days of moping between the two of them did he come up with the thought. Though, it might have been spurred by the constant bickering between Y/N and Toph, usually only stopped by Katara’s sharp tongue. What usually started out by harmless banter ended with Y/N half-covered in mud and Toph dangerously close to what Y/N called an “impromptu haircut”.

It would have been a nice time for relaxation for both of them had they not been so worried for Zuko and Katara who were off Agni knows where, doing Agni knows what. Neither of them meant to, but their minds were in different places instead of here with one another. It had already been a few days since they had left, and their absence was being felt by everyone at camp.

Y/N dragged her hand through the cool grass and watched Sokka for a minute; wanting to lengthen their time out here, away from the chaos of their lives. She followed his gaze down to the town–their perch on the highest hill around had been strategic, but it provided a nice view too. Y/N noticed that Sokka wasn’t really looking at the houses and stores below, more like looking through them. He was off in his own world, worrying at the inside of his cheek with his teeth.

She didn’t always get the chance to stare so candidly at him while he was distracted. His hair had gotten longer on the sides but he never made any notion to shave it back down. Y/N kind of liked the scruffy look. Her gaze followed down his cheekbone to his eyes–which were still trained straight ahead. As he blinked, Y/N wrinkled her nose in jealousy; there was no need for him to have eyelashes so long and thick.

He could have been thinking about anything, a new invention, the slightly muggy air, the sour fruit—but if the pout on his lip was indication, Y/N knew what was on his mind.

She popped a quartered persimmon in her mouth before speaking. “Maybe we should try this again another day.”

Sokka grunted and didn’t look back. Y/N chuckled and pulled up a piece of grass, tickling Sokka’s cheek with it. “Did you hear me?”

He jumped and looked back at her guiltily. “Sorry, what?”

“We should try to have a picnic again on a different day,” Y/N smiled softly.

“That sounds like a good plan.”

On their way back to camp, they walked close, bumping shoulders every time their steps unsynced. They hadn’t strayed too far; their camp was just half a mile down the hill and to the coastline, but it was far enough so that they could be alone.

Y/N was happy to see that Sokka’s mood had changed for the better since moving off the hill. She reached down and linked her pinky with his. It was much too hot to be holding sweaty hands.

“Tell me–” Sokka started.

“Hmm?”

“–what happened back there at the temple? If you want...” Sokka quickly added, holding his free hand up to show he meant no harm.

Y/N had to think back, even though it was only a few days beforehand it seemed so distant in her memory. Maybe even a little hazy, like she wasn’t really present when she had done it. That might have been more than just an explanation, she barely remembered jumping up from the ground, just one minute she was sitting next to Sokka and the next she was holding her sword ready to fight. Y/N couldn’t recreate the exact feelings she was having either, but it made her fists clench involuntarily, like she was trying to push away whatever it would bring.

Finally after a moment of silence, she spoke, but it didn’t offer much of an answer to what Sokka was asking. “I don’t know. I just had a really bad feeling, is all. I heard Toph say that and I just acted.” Y/N chewed on her lip and shivered despite the sweltering heat. She felt worn out like her body had just had a massive adrenaline rush and she was fading now.

Sokka noticed this. “You didn’t have to tell me if thinking about it bothers you.”

Y/N looked at him and then snorted through her nose. “You asked me to be more open with my feelings.”

Sokka rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled slightly. “Yeah, but not if it distresses you. I just wanted you to know I’d be there for you.”

“It doesn’t distress me...that much.” she added when Sokka gave her a very pointed look. He didn’t say anything but he clearly didn’t believe her.

“So I’m a little bit on edge, that’s not a bad thing!” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“It is when you aren’t getting sleep.”

“I am getting just enough sleep to keep me going.”

“I’m not saying we need to be enjoying our life on the run, but you could act like you aren’t waiting for imminent danger every second of every day.”

“If I didn’t, then who would?” Y/N grumbled.

“We all protect one another.”

“Yeah..”

Sokka hummed and cocked his head, a wistful smile flitting across his face. “Sounds like you don’t really believe me.”

“I just… anytime we have time to breathe is when something bad happens. I am just anticipating it before it comes so it doesn’t catch me off guard. I’m doing that for all of us.”

“That is no way to live.”

“This—” Y/N gestured around herself wildly. “—is no way to live.”

“I know.”

“And Katara, don’t even get me started on that mess. I can’t protect her when she leaves.”

Sokka shook his head. “Katara doesn’t need protection.”

“Well obviously I know that. Neither do you or Zuko or anyone else, but it still makes me feel better if I was standing next to you if someone came after us.”

“You don’t...have to be self-sacrificing.”

Y/N bit her tongue to keep herself from replying. What would she say to him anyways? Maybe Y/N’s actions were more see-through than she thought.

It was disappointing to hear, probably just as much as it was for Sokka to say it. She didn’t think of herself like that, but that’s how she felt wasn’t it? Like her life meant a little bit less than everyone else’s because of her past crimes? That if she had it her way she’d do everything and anything in her power to make sure that no one else suffered, even at her own expense?

Protection. It felt like that was all she was good for. She wasn’t a planner, or a bender, or a leader, but she was tough and Y/N liked to think she was more than capable. A fighter was what she had to be, because there were no other slots that needed to be filled; she would just have to make her own.

Y/N was tired. And it was more than just physically. Sokka had been correct in saying that she hadn’t been getting enough sleep but it wasn’t like she could force herself to sleep when her brain never stopped screaming, Danger!

It was a relief to see a familiar shaggy beast at camp. It drew the conversation away from things she really didn’t feel like discussing.

“Look, they’re back.” Y/N nodded her head at Appa, who was munching on hay and receiving loving chin scratches from Aang.

Appa gave a lowly bellow when he saw Y/N and Sokka approaching, which called Aang’s attention to them.

Y/N was surprised to see a happy grin on his face. “Hey guys!”

“Hey, buddy,” Sokka murmured as he patted Appa’s snout.

Aang walked around Sokka and nudged Y/N’s elbow. “Katara is down by the water. You should go see her!”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Sure.” She passed over the basket full of fruit and pastries that she and Sokka didn’t finish. “Go ahead and pass them out to everyone, yeah?”

As she passed by Sokka he gave her arm a reassuring squeeze, which she returned with a grateful smile.

----

Y/N found Katara sitting at the end of the boat dock, swinging her feet just inches above the water line. The wooden slats below her creaked with each step she took. She stood behind Katara, waiting for the other girl to acknowledge her presence.

“I didn’t realize that I was mad at you until you didn’t want to come with me.” Katara turned around and smiled sheepishly at Y/N.

“Can I sit next to you?”

Katara patted the wood next to her and stared back out to the water.

“I’m sorry for treating you so badly.”

Y/N nodded numbly. “It’s okay.”

“It wasn’t.”

“We’ve all said mean things to one another,” Y/N said with a shrug. “While you were gone I told Toph I’d cut off her feet if she tried to stick them in my lap again.”

Katara chuckled. “Seems like I missed a lot.”

Their talk faded into silence as they listened to the waves lap against the shoreline.

“I was worried you’d leave again.”

Y/N blinked at Katara. What did she just say?

Katara seemed to sense Y/N’s confusion and continued. “Whenever I saw you with Zuko, always whispering to yourselves like you were keeping secrets, I thought you two were going to leave us.”

“We would never do that,” Y/N said, incredulously.

“I know that now,” Katara looked away with a shy smile. “I might have interrogated Zuko about it to find that out though. I didn’t want you to become lost again.”

“Lost?”

Katara paused, weighing her words. “We’re the same. You let your heart rule your head. All logical reason leaves you when you want something done. So I know when you need someone to watch out for you.”

And for the first time ever, Y/N felt fire in her chest. This is how Firebenders must feel all the time, Y/N thought.

That fierce loyalty and protectiveness that Katara waved in the face of adversity, that was for Y/N too. Not that it was ever doubted, but now Y/N could see it; feel it. What Sokka said was true, they all looked after each other.

But Katara wasn’t even looking at the tears shining in Y/N’s eyes. “That’s all you were doing for me too.

Besides, it wasn’t all I blamed him for either. He was just the easiest target. And forgiving him; it was easier than I thought it would be. Once I realized that I was blaming him, and maybe you, for something you didn’t do.”

“Well,” Y/N kicked her legs. “I did do something. And you have every right to be mad over it.”

“But now I know why.”

Y/N gave her a quizzical look.

Katara picked at her wrist wraps, unwinding and winding them back as she thought of the right words to say. “My journey taught me some things along the way. Before.. I didn’t know what it was like to love someone so much that all reason leaves you. I can never understand why you did it, that’s between you and Azula. But I can empathize with you now.”

Y/N didn’t have the vocabulary to respond to that. She realized that’s all she needed from her friends. She didn’t need unconditional acceptance for her past mistakes, she just needed to know that they could still love her despite them. She couldn’t expect them to understand what Y/N couldn’t even understand.

“I didn’t do anything, so you know,” Katara muttered.

Y/N nodded, she could have guessed as much but she knew it was important for Katara to tell her that.

“I wanted to, so badly.” Katara’s cheeks flushed with what Y/N knew was embarrassment. “It would have been so easy, but... I couldn’t. You were right, I would have regretted it and resented myself for it. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Y/N didn’t respond to that last part. She’d always suspected that Katara knew more than she’d led Y/N to believe. They probably all did.

“So many things happened while you were gone. You’ll have to tell me about them,” Y/N squared herself around to look Katara in the eyes. “When you’re ready.”

Katara held her gaze, “You can too.”

“I might take you up on that.” And Y/N was sure she would. Some day.

----

A/N: you guys should like,,, come in my ask box and tell me what you like about this because i’m feeling very self-conscious about my writing since it’s been so long.

taglist: @myexgirlfriendisthemoon @reclusive-chicken-nugget @astroninaaa @aangsupremacy @beifongsss @crownofcryptids @welovediaaxx @littlefluu @lozzybowe @thebluelcdy @fanficdepot @teenbiology @13-09-01 @riespage @davnwillcome @creation-magician @lunariasilver @francesciak @thia-aep @aphrcditeee @solarsuki @my--shitty--art @lovingcupcake51002 @loganrwebb @celia-not-cecilia @treestarrrrrrrr @izzieserra @salsasadd @nataliahaslosthershit @awkwardnesshabitat @lanie103 @im-the-galactic-starfish @charlotteisabella @alienmotel @smarshere @sugamonster22 @calumsfringe @whatsuphoesandbros @i-love-superhero @justasukisimp @grouchiest-hufflepuff @feverish-dove @catchingrhythm @euphoricmads @ivetoldamillionlies @fanficsformyperusal @mikxyu @someonekeepstakingmyusernames @earthtokace @justamessandahalf @perfectlyfadingmusic @atlafanforlife @iris-suoh @chilifrylizard2 @cheese-its-and-lies @writequickly-blog @living-on-kyoshi @brightcosmos @someoneovertherainboww @stale-sandcastle @justarandomhoman @itsametaphorbriansblog @llamaly @moon-spirit-yue @moistpotatobear @missmorosis @sunflowerr-mami @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @september-ctd @pumpkinbowl14 @yoyokzzz @peterparkour15 @mrskinneyposts @lizziel1410 @spacelesbianfanclub

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#atla #sokka x reader #sokka x female reader #atla fics #sokka x y/n #sokka fics #katara #the gaang #aang #zuko #toph #azula #ty lee #mai #suki #avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #avatar resurgence #avatar fic

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malamelodies · 4 years

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mind tricks

my mind is going a million miles a minute. the clock states its 322 in the morning. had an argument with man friend that started with the intention of me sharing that I'm scared and easily nestled its way into the past, and then getting defensive then we couldn't hear each other any more. and now I feel like I'm on eggshells, even though I want to believe its all in my mind. I want to lean into the dreams and hopes. I heard my name being whispered to me as I tried to doze off to sleep. who is calling me? is it my higher self or a spirit of the sorts. all of this is happening and I try not to feel alone, but I do. being an only child is catching up to me. I need to talk with Emma about this. really get to the root of why its effecting me so much. with man friend, it could either go one way or the other. he leans into it or he doesn't. how do I maintain my equilibrium in whatever is decided. I saw a myriad of images as I tried to fall asleep, krater induced, Im sure. a baby boy. proposal. why does it follow me? he says wait at least a year until we talk about marriage. in hindsight, that's totally what I want too, but then I think about my age and I want to push it. how do I balance that. how do I trust that it will happen. and I acknowledge that part of me wants to lean into parenthood because then I feel like then I can feel secure in us becoming a team. its so silly. I have never wanted it that way. I want it to be intentional and loved up and showing devotion to holding each other. I want to feel safe with my partner. is it because I want to cultivate it within myself? its said that we are reflections of one another, so in all that I say and see in him, do I just need to reverse the dialogue to becoming internal towards myself. im getting so confused because I sincerely believe in community and devotion. dad always said a sacrifice isn't a sacrifice if its for someone we love, and I think im being flexible but am I not being flexible enough? the way he casually states that if what he wants isn't in alignment with mine right now, that I can so looks for it elsewhere... that hurts my feelings so deeply. it allows me to feel disposable. that he doesn't mind if I never show up again, this past week and past weekend have been so magical, him sharing his commitment towards me. can it all change within a day. mom even said at one point “they might wake up one morning and not love you anymore’ how is that even possible? my brain and heart and spirit cannot comprehend that. alas, it is the truth for some people. what lessons are to be learned here. my first thought is trust. yes yes trust. the concept I lean into but not too much. is it because, well, I don't truly trust? ha aint that a big ol pickle.

people tell me that not this phase has ended at LoveNest that I need to be very clear on what. want next. what if I dont know? what fi I have general ideas? I want to live with Jedidiah, I want to grow my business. I want a garden, two of these are dependent upon me. and I feel bad, I actually feel bad that ti am putting that kind of pressure/expectation on him. its like genie in a bottle, I can iwhs for things, but not love. part of me believes that if I have a booming business, then the love with come 10 fold. it shows independence and dedication. im actually going to look up craft fairs; and the fist link I click states that they're cancelled. invest my money properly.

that is another desire. weekends being filled up with craft fairs to table at. and farmers markets. then to invest $5000.00 in stock and for them to double in a few months and exponentially keep growing. put $2000.00 in bonds and keep them there for a longer period of time. in 6 months I want to successfully sell my car and get an SUV. self focus and self care will allow for the biggest desire to flourish.

the main thing that moving out of this house has shown me, is I can get horse vision around something that only I can do. I would like to get that with my job now. within the first few months into this new year, I want to bring in 4000. 10 orders of 100 dollars. switch the focus onto audible books about business and marketing. people who want to team up. I've received os much support for moonflower essence along the way. and I truly feel that its a family affair. I want to have employees and a warehouse. I need to get in. get my clinical herbal certificate. take that seriously. continue to expand on ways I can keep growing. the vision I got from the breast workshop.. I want that tremendously. I was able to feel it. it reminds me of the magic of burning man and the first time I want I was told not to imagine what it would look like, rather than the feeling it is. I feel confident. at ease. loved tremendously. I feel important and cared for. the capacity to help others because I am the flowering card of osho. I feel sexy, inspired and creative. creating new products along with art and music. working up to a real size harp. taking on responsibilities with ease and laughter. witty. feeling beautiful. my skin radiant. such a healthy body. experimental with cooking. emotionally mature and intelligent. able to provide for my parents. dancing and laughter. traveling. open to try new things. charisma. enchantment.

and the little girl in me wants to be proposed too, have a love ceremony. have a husband/parter who will draw my bath and rub my feet. thoughtfulness, and brings so much laughter and care. that we continue to crack each other up into old age, that the grandkids love us and we've built a beautiful support system of friends who have become family. lots of gathering and sexy time exploration. we travel the world together and as a family. we genuinely care for each other and continue to tend to the garden of love in incorporating things like therapy and tantra and nonviolent communication and dance and singing together and cooking melas together. we make a great team and NOTHING is fleeting, we are devoted to each other. not codependent. we are independent and live our own lives, and there is NO wavering in the fact that we are in it to win it till our last breath and beyond. I see movies where the couple is old but they are in it together. through the hard times and the difficult. the world has turned upside-down, but they still have each other. rom-com success. I believe in that. I see that with my parents. and when I feel it in my heart, I feel it within me too. and out of all the people in the world, by heart keeps whispering Jedidiah. but I need to keep it under wraps. I feel like as soon as I lean into it, and show him a smidgen more than the bare minimum, he steps away. and what is crazy is that he thinks I already love him so much, but its not even the full surface. as soon as a I feel a promise of commitment, wowed. fireworks and shooting stars.

but until that day come, if it ever comes, I need to just focus on me.

he doesn't see the point of proposal, and that within itself is a red flag. its something so incredibly special. but here I ma. being flexible and putting my desires at the way side, until, so I hope, he comes around. but wha tif he doesn't? what if is all talk. why do I keep believing in it? I want to feel empowerment in being a hopeful romantic vs a hopeless one. I have a really big heart.and I know the capacity is limitless. I just want. family. a big ol; family. I want to legit call Amy Jera and Sarah my sisters. to call Peter dad and Kathleen mom. I feel so weird for wanting that because homie isn't not he same page. every time I drive over train tracks, for years, I wish that he proposes. every time I hold my breath through a tunnel, I wish that were married.and I know when that happens the business and morey situation will be thriving, because he doesn't want me for just me, hell want me for my accomplishments. its fucking gross, but its true. even with the trailer, I thought he wanted to move in together and now I feel he wants to do that because the trailer will be under my name. is it just a story? or is it the truth? when will I become we? for now, sleepy heard, get some rest and read up on fairs and stocks tomorrow/today. I love you.

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michaelsongrace · 4 years

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What Is The Meaning Of Reiki In Hindi Best Cool Tips

Decide for yourself if these modifications sometimes ruin that thing or change it religion or spiritual lives.In the first level is entirely possible, thereby obviating the need of healing.At this point, he or she learned from the client will only listen to those living near the register or credit card machine, etc. Leave smallThis is because the therapist spend more time to give Reiki treatments daily and leave the recipient has a daily basis.

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Reiki Explained

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Learn Reiki Reddit

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anythingstephenking · 7 years

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To everything… turn, turn, turn…

Subtitled: Fuck you Richard Bachman

My first collection of King novellas, Different Seasons, provides the source material for some of King’s most memorable film adaptations. But we’ll get to that later.

Different Seasons was published in 1982, and contains 4 novellas. Novellas are longer than a short story but shorter than a novel. Ok, you probably knew that already, so cool story.

By 1982 King was the king (lulz) of horror. Since none of these stories contain things that go bump in the night, his publishers weren’t totally stoked to print them individually. I guess novellas really suck if you’re a writer, because they’re too long for magazines to publish, and too short to be real novels. Of course, Stephen King is the fucking greatest, and he combines these four stories together, makes each (loosely) tied to a season, hits CTR+P and laughs his way to the bank (I assume).

Here’s what we go to go through:

Hope Springs Eternal - Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption

Summer of Corruption - Apt Pupil

Fall from Innocence - The Body

A Winter’s Tale - The Breathing Method

There is really nothing thematically that ties these stories together. King states in the afterward that each was written shortly after finishing a novel - The Body after 'Salem’s Lot, Apt Pupil after The Shining, Shawshank after The Dead Zone, and The Breathing Method after Firestarter.

Each of these is its own very different (get it?) story, so I’m going through each separately, and because the adaptations are so well known, I’m going to break format and discuss the movies alongside the novellas.

Strap in folks, this is gunna be a long one.

—

Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption

Did you know Red is an Irishman and NOT Morgan Freeman? I know, right? Mind blown.

I’ve mentioned this before but my #1 pet peeve is guys who say their favorite movie is Shawshank (yawn) but don’t know it’s based on a King story. If your favorite movie is Shawshank, Fight Club, Boondocks Saints or any Coen Brothers movie, swipe hard left. Here’s what it’s like to go on a date with me:

Me: What’s your favorite movie?

Him: Oh that’s a hard question! I’d have to say Shawshank.

Me: (deep breath) Interesting. I love Stephen King!

Him: …

Me: He wrote the story the movie was based on.

Him: No shit! I had no idea.

Me: It’s your favorite movie but you’ve never paid attention to the credits before?

Him: ….

Me: My favorites are the Before Sunrise/Sunset/Midnight movies

Him: Never heard of them.

Me: Of course.

Still single folks. Go figure. And here’s a fun fact - I had actually never seen this movie before. It somehow scooted by me in my youth and I just never got around to it. Then, like Kings of Leon, it was too popular for it’s own good and I was off the bandwagon.

Since this movie is rated #1 on IMDB’s top 100 movies, I am going to skip over the major plot points because you already know them. I did enjoy reading it with fresh eyes, never having seen the movie and only knowing the plot because I am a person that is alive and everyone knows the plot. Bruce Willis WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME!

When Andy Dufresne comes to Shawshank, you know through Red’s narration that he is an innocent man, and you immediately feel for him as he stumbles through your pretty standard prison stuff. He settles in, finds his place, gets special treatment for doing taxes for the prison staff, works in the library and spends 20 years methodically digging a tunnel. Normal stuff. This story generates one of King’s most famous lines ever, and the focus of many inspirational quote boards: “Get busy living or get busy dying.” I was unnecessarily happy to see that line in the source material - proud of King for writing it and it not coming from the screenplay.

The movie was directed by Frank Darabont, King buddy and early recipient of Dollar Baby rights for his first film. Darabont of course goes on to do The Green Mile and Walking Dead, and is still sitting on the rights to The Long Walk. Get to it Frankie.

I was discussing this story with a friend and she very astutely pointed out “I mean, it’s bro love. There’s not a single female in the whole story.” Seriously. It’s a great story of the resiliency of the human spirt, friendship, loss and redemption, and honestly it is a wonderful movie, but it’s for bros. I’m not the target demographic, and I am ok with that.

But seriously, how the hell did Andy rehang the poster over the hole after he went through? We will never know.

—

Apt Pupil

Fuck this story. Fuck Richard Bachman, who didn’t “write” this story as it was published under King’s name, but this story is Bachman through and through. I thought I was on a break from reading about terrible sociopaths I hope would die on page one but I somehow have to be put inside their fucked up minds for so long my skin is crawling when I am done. Sorry for the all the f-bombs, but fuck this story was the fucking worst.

Ok, where to start. Apt Pupil follows the story of Todd Bowden, a high school A student and star athlete. Sounds great, right? Well, actually Todd is a nutcase who finds out his neighbor Arthur Denker is a nazi war criminal in hiding. Todd calls the police and the nazi is arrested. The End.

Just kidding! Todd blackmails Denker and forces him to tell him gory details about his time in the concentration camps. Jesus fucking christ y’all. This shit goes on for over four years. Todd buys a replica SS uniform and makes him wear it. Todd likes to masturbate but can only climax while fantasizing about abusing women in concentration camps. Denker starts blackmailing Todd in return. They seemingly hate but respect each other because they’re both fucking monsters. Are you having fun yet?

It keeps going. Todd starts murdering homeless people (of course) as does Denker (he also puts a cat into his oven, which I was not at all pleased about). Arthur and Todd are both running around town killing folks, but neither one knows the other is doing so. Funny coincidence!

I’ll save you the suspense and also spoil the ending. Denker is discovered when he has a heart attack and his hospital mate is a Holocaust survivor that recognizes him. The jig is finally up. Denker kills himself. Wohoey! We’re done right?

WRONG. Todd is also discovered by his guidance counselor. When confronted Todd shoots him in his driveway (obviously) then goes off on a shooting spree.

THE END. What a heartwarming story of the human spirit. I must have checked at least 400 times how many pages I had left. Lucky me, Apt Pupil is the longest of all four stories, clocking in at 180 pages.

Like in all Bachman material, both main characters are giant dicks. If I ever meet Stephen King, the first thing I will ask him is... “can I meet Tabs?”… but the second thing I’ll ask him is “why wasn’t Apt Pupil a Bachman Book?” I am still irrationally angry I had to read this without forewarning that Bachman was lurking in Different Seasons, ready to bum me out and make me never want to read again.

The movie is just as bad. Brad Renfro (RIP) plays Todd, and I was interested enough in him playing the lead role not to dread watching this movie. Totally had his Teen Beat photo on my wall in middle school. Don’t judge.

The movie follows the same basic plot of the book, except at the end, Todd just threatens his counselor with false allegations of sexual abuse rather than murdering him, so I guess that’s better?

Funny thing is, this movie was made not once, but twice. The first production got 3/4 of the way done and ran out of money. It should have been doomed and never seen the light of day. It bounced around a bunch and finally got produced. Not surprisingly, it did not do well at the box office. Says Scott Von Doviak in my favorite companion material, “In the end, Stand By Me and Shawshank were essentially feel-good fables whereas Apt Pupil is never heartwarming and never tries to be. Its message is not one of uplift; it’s that evil is evil wherever you find it.” I suppose I prefer my Stephen King evil in the form of rabid dogs or vampires or hotels; not in actual evil that lurks in history. I watched Night and Fog for a documentary film class in college, and I still have nightmares about it.

Saving grace of the movie: a young David Schwimmer sporting a Burt Reynolds mustache.

Ugh, Stephen, I am real mad about this one.

—

The Body

Now onto something more lighthearted - 4 lil peanut boys off to discover a dead body! For serious though, I heart-eyes-emoji the film adaptation. Stand By Me, and was pretty jazzed to read this story.

The idea for The Body is revealed by King some 10 years later in his book Danse Macabre.

"It turned out that the kid I had been playing with had been run over by a freight train while playing on or crossing the tracks (years later, my mother told me they had picked up the pieces in a wicker basket). My mom never knew if I had been near him when it happened, if it had occurred before I even arrived, or if I had wandered away after it happened. Perhaps she had her own ideas on the subject. But as I’ve said, I have no memory of the incident at all; only of having been told about it some years after the fact."

King was only 4 when this happened, but I once read a book that argued that every thing that has ever happened to us, from the time we are birthed, is imprinted in our minds and affects everything we do as adults. So, who’s to say that this experience of 4 year old Stephen King didn’t imprint into his brain forever. Hard shrug.

PEANUTS!

Anywho, The Body reads like Stand By Me’s screenplay. I’ve seen this movie enough times to know the dialogue by heart, and most of it comes, word for word, from King’s pen. "A pile of shit has a thousand eyes.” I don’t know who wrote this screenplay, but they really shouldn’t have gotten a credit for it, never mind an Oscar nomination (which they did for Best Adapted Screenplay).

The Body is firmly planted in the King-o-verse, taking place in good-ol’ Castle Rock, mentioning Chamberlain (where Carrie would one day kill the whole dang town because he mother couldn’t be bothered to tell her what her period was), and ‘Salem’s Lot, Cujo and Shawshank are all mentioned.

They changed the name because they didn’t want folks to think it was another King horror movie, a “sex film” or a bodybuilding movie. Now I can’t stop thinking about what a Stephen King bodybuilding movie would be like. Directory Rob Reiner (who would go on to direct Misery), suggested Stand By Me which apparently was the “least unpopular” option.

I read this with the film versions of Gordie, Chris, Teddy and Vern in my mind, with Richard Dreyfuss narrating the whole thing. I’ve always been a sucker for a good coming of age story, and The Body checks all the required boxes.

That said, revisiting the story with my own coming age so far in my rear-view, I found the story clunky to say the least. Lines like “it’s hard to make strangers care about the things in your life” and “the most important things are the hardest things to say” made me eye roll a bit. I suppose I am old and cynical. When I was younger, far into my twenties even, the air of nostalgia for being 12 still lingered. Now, I only remember that time as one of braces, bullies and never-ending hormones. No thanks.

But this movie, man. The tragedy of River Phoenix’s untimely death makes it a harder watch. I’ve always described these four characters as “little peanuts” when I talk about this movie, which is funny because they’re foul-mouthed little shits. But lovable little shits. Wil (Whil) Wheaton is wonderful as King stand-in Gordie Lachance, writer-to-be. Corey Feldman basically plays himself, and Jerry O-Connell is a little butterball! Doesn’t get more adorable than that. River Phoenix is such a nugget. One time when I was drunk in 2006ish, I found myself crying because I was overcome by the fact that River died and Joaquin Phoenix lived. This breakdown came literally out of nowhere - Joaquin hadn’t even made I’m Still Here yet. In the moment it just seemed so unfair. Sorry Joaquin.

But there’s honesty in the body of The Body - King narrates as future Gordie in the first person and acknowledges the naiveté of his writing and experiences. Chris and Gordie share true and heartfelt stories about their fears then exchange quips like “eat me raw” “through a flavor straw”. It feels authentic. They’re boys that want desperately to be men, but without any real understanding of the weight of what adulthood is going to bring them.

—

The Breathing Method

Last but not least, The Breathing Method is the shortest story, the only one that contains any real King horror, and the only one with no film adaptation to discuss.

The story centers on an exclusive New York club, where old men go and drink scotch and tell stories. The mantra etched in stone reads “It is the tale, not he who tells it." There’s something strange about the club, which contains shelves full of books not known to libraries, and endless rooms filled with who-knows-what.

The best stories of the year get shared on the Thursday before Christmas, and our narrator tells one back to us. It begins as a rather lighthearted tale of a pregnant (and unwed) woman, looking for medical help in a time before it was cool to have kids out of wedlock. There’s a little bit of love, some mystery, then it takes a real hard left at the end. It’s tragic and someone gets decapitated, then just as we’re given a hint at some kind of extra-terrestrial or supernatural presence in the club, the story ends. Ok. Sure thing.

The guy that wrote Sinister (among other horror fables) has the rights to direct the film adaptation, but according to his IMDB page, there’s nothing currently in the works. One less movie to watch so a-ok with me.

In the afterward, King tells the story of getting Different Seasons published, promising his agent his next story was about a haunted car. So that’s where I am off to next - Christine, which according to the jacket “will keep you looking both ways when you cross the street after dark.” Ha! Little do they know I never cross the street after dark, cause Nashville drivers are terrible and I don’t have a death wish. Till then friends!

#Different Seasons #rita hayworth and the shawshank redemption #apt pupil #the body #the breathing method #stand by me #shawshank redemption #frank darabont #rob reiner #book review #stephen king

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