#10/10 there was a cowboy (he didnt do much but he sure was there and i love him)

[mo-ok]

Things Dynaman had:

Explosives.

A ninja AND a cowboy

Rugby????

Things Dynaman did not have:

Baseball

[jameson-hawthorne]

IMAGINE THIS SENARIO

you are walking down the streets of texas, Avery is on a girls night out and you didnt wanna stay in the massive house so you decided to go visit the less wealthy section of texas.

until you saw someone you would have never wanted to see:

ROHAN

you freeze. your heart starts beating faster and you dont know why. is it because of hatred? or maybe...

no. you refuse to believe that. why would you even think about that anyway? you hate the guy. and you have a girlfriend! you would never wonder what it would be like to kiss a guy! why would you?

"hey, Hawthorne" you hear the brittish man shout from 10 feet away from you. Somehow, you need to stop yourself from smiling when you hear his soft yet sharp voice.

You just smirk and nod your head as he walks up to you. the way he walks is even attractive irritating to you. he takes his navy blue blazer off and sets it down on the bench thats sitting in between you two. he then takes a seat and looks out on the warmly lit town square.

you sit down next to him and you look out onto the monument that stands in the middle. a cowboy on a horse. almost like nash, you thought. but that wont distract you from the one question you're dying to know.

"why're you here?" you ask, your voice softer than you intend it to be

"i dunno, just got bored of that old rainy england, y'know, bruv? decided to visit my good friend Jameson Hawthorne. How are the ribs doing, by the way?"

you smile and glance at the soon to be proprietor

"they've healed all right. Its nice to have some better competition now and then to show me how much more i have to learn before i actually become a good boxer"

Rohan chuckles, that smile on his face makes you feel all warm inside, and you dont even know why, but you want to continue this conversation.

"you're really good, you know. in everything you do. im almost jealous"

"nah bruv. we're on the same level. you just put your guard down that one time. you're so much better than me in other things"

this time it was your turn to chuckle. and the way he looked at you, it wasnt hatred or jealousy, it was admiration

"yeah? like what?" you ask teasingly

"you're funny, kind, loving to your girlfriend, thoughtful, flirty"

you feel your cheeks go slightly red as he comes closer to you. he starts murmuring quietly as your heart rate quickens

"you're good looking, and that smirk on your face-"

you dont let him finish before you smash your lips against his. theres nothing gentle about this kiss. its desperate. its just what you need after a full day without avery.

you grip his shirt and pull him closer, he pins you to the bench as his hands find your hair and tilt your head back. he kisses your jaw carefully, making sure not to leave any hickeys. you try not to let out a sound but tiny gasps and whimpers can be heard from your lips.

suddenly, Rohan freezes. you're about to ask him why, but he covers your mouth and collects himself. he takes his blazer and fixes his shirt and hair before putting the blazer on, but you're still confused. you fix your hair as you hear people approaching. goddamn it, Rohan even has better hearing than you.

you're about to tell him that when you turn around, and hes gone.

oh well, you'll have to tell him next time.

THAT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES

BUT ITS SO REALISTIC

(mind u i dont write fanfics so please give me an A for effort?)

YOU NEED TO ACCEPT IT JAMESON

@rohan-his-lordships-successor DOES TOO

im not reading all of that fuck off

[echoesofadream]

5 8 10 !

5. Who is your favorite K-Pop rapper, and why?

jungkook just kidding. it used to be yoongi but I think its hoseok now. why well hes got the nicest voice and best verses, as for solo albums I like them. lyrically maybe I prefer namjoon or even yoongi but thats only one aspect, d-day was kind of a disappointment for me meanwhile jung hoseok has never not served in his life. and like as a rapper, I just love his style, hes so special. also I know it seems like im mixing up kpop and bts but im not. but fine ill choose a non bangtan rapper too.. lisa just kidding. maybe dreamcatcher dami? or soyeon

8. What's your favorite K-Pop fashion trend?

idk how to answer to this question but whatever le sserafim has going on. sorry... ummm y2k a la newjeans, XG? I know nothing but I rlly like the aesthetic of XG left right and shooting star mvs. um. .-.

10. What's your favorite K-Pop choreography, and why?

most recently unforgiven le sserafim, before that ditto new jeans and antifragile le sserafim. I dont know why

EDIT I just remembered how obsessed I was (am) with set me free pt.2 jimin choreography, it's actually an all time favorite. and bangtan ON and black swan .

EDIT 2 actually all of these that ive mentioned are choreos ive learnt to different degrees and at different times (full choreos for the three first I mentioned but only chorus (and post chorus for smf pt.2 although that part was so fast that I didnt really learn it in full speed).

I think the first three I mentioned are my faves bc they are so satisfying. kind of groovy?? im so sad that I dont have the terminology to talk about this properly.. I would really like to. but unforgiven and antifragile are kinda the same vibe, antifragile choreo really fits the afro-latin/reggae genre of the song and unforgiven im not sure what the genre is but I feel like its similar, or like idk cowboy/western vibes... I just like the elements of both dances, but I dont know the names of them.

ditto I love so much... the schoolgirl upbeat dance, but with the slow tune in the background, the fast and slower elements, the dreamy vibe... clearly I dont have a lot of knowledge on dance or music I would love to learn more, im trying to, but im sorta realizing talking about things like this makes me happy so I will continue to do it but I know I am not knowledgeable at all

black swan I like because it is beautiful and heightens the song, I feel like there are elements of contemporary dance in it? and ballet. which is very fitting to the song and lyrics, and pretty and artful. ON I like because it is so powerful I guess. they have other powerful stages it's just that these were among the first one I watched, but I also feel like its a bit different from their earlier stages. the drums and the explosive chorus part. I hate when you listen to a song and it EXPLODES and then you look at the chorus and theyre barely doing anything just waving a hand or a tiny jump like no! they kinda fail at this in the last chorus because they just walk but they are forgiven because they explode with the song before that. also the dance break.

[eleanorcaldit]

Ship Tag Game!!!!

hiii I was tagged to do this fun ship game by @spookykittendetective​ thank you so much for tagging me, this was so fun!!!!

I’m bad a tagging other people because I don’t know who wants to do these but if you read this and want to do it, I tag you!

1. First Ship - Gilbert/Anne from Anne of Green Gables

invented romance and slow burn!!! My mom is from the maritimes so I grew up on Anne of Green Gables and have always been in love with them!

2. First OTP - Jonesy/Nikki from 6teen

I’m not sure i can differentiate between otp and ship but ill say these guys here. i love this bicons, they deserve the world!

3. Current fave ship - Peter/MJ from Spiderman

i love them with my entire being um yeah!!!

4. Your ship since the first minute - Would it be cheating to say Anne/Gilbert from Anne with an E

I’m saying these two as separate from aogg because it was such a different turn from their original story that I often did not prefer lol but still enjoyed and I loved their first meeting (though not as much as in the book/1985 version)

5. You wish they had been endgame - ??

this one is hard because i dont ship anything knowing its not endgame because i’m sensitive. idk im sure there are lots of ships that i wish were endgame but then I don’t really ship them lol

6. You wish they had become canon - Charles/Erik from X-men

or are they....

7. Most of the fandom hates, but you love - Sylvie/Loki from Loki

idk about most of the fandom but i see mostly hate on my dash

8. You don't even watch the show, but you ship them anyways - Those gays from Roswell, New Mexico

i watched a clip when the cowboy one took his hat off to kiss the other and then he was like phew or whatever after the kiss and i was like wow thats love

9. You wish they had a different storyline - Nikita/Michael from Nikita

i love them and I love the first season so so much i just wish they didnt spend so much time like not together especially near the end of the series idk i just wanted them to be happy

10. Fave ship that is endgame - Bella/Edward from Twilight

hello!!!!!!!!!!!

[nenastrology]

hey sorry if this is weird but do u have any animes u would absolutely recommend for people to watch? i’ve been trying (and failing) to find new stuff to get into since i’m on holiday & the way u talk about certain series/characters is so engaging so i feel like u have good taste.

oh ur so sweet!! well i have absolutely no idea what your taste is but i guess ill just say a few favorites of a bunch of different genres ok like i really do think everyone should watch gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun like literally peak of comedy in my opinion i know i talk about it a lot so idk if this is like NEW or anything but truly like any individual episode contains so much joy its very easy to watch and idk literally just makes me happier every time i watch an episode its like loving parody of a lot of shoujo tropes and all the characters are very funny and over the top!

ok wait wait im inserting this higher so everyone will notice ok ok so tho i havent seen it since i was like 15 so again take this with a bit of a grain of salt PLEASE watch baccano!! ive seen it probably like idk 8..10 times some truly ungodly number but just havent rewatched it in a while so again this is a psychic message being delivered from past me who didnt always have the best taste but like i have nothing but fond memories of baccano anyways so im just throwing this out here its like kind of mental 16 episodes (you have to watch the extra three ovas at the end its like literally the ending is there) its told wildly out of order in like 3 main time frames on a bunch of different locations with an absurd number of characters its the kind of show thats genuinely better on the second watch when things make more sense but its like about murders on a train from san francisco to new york its about immortals who all hate each other its about elixirs of immortality ending up with random people its about the mafia its about like idk a million different things but like its sooooooo fun and crazy the first episode is a bit boring but its just a crazy ride from there please everyone reading this watch baccano

showa genroku rakugo shinjuu is like ok do you want like exploration of the entirety of this one mans life and his lifelong devotion to the art of rakugo (a form of traditional japanese theatrical storytelling) and like his like crazy tragic gay past and his complicated relationships and like his tense relationship with his adopted daughter who is like the child of his dead ex beard and dead best friend and hes like kind of haunted by them and its like about relationships with art and idk truly its a lil crazy and very good imo and its only 24 episodes long im really not sure how best to sum it up but like again some heavier subject matter lots of emotions idk look up more info if it seems like ur thing it will either grab you or u might just think its kind of boring or its just absolutely not ur thing ..

honestly if ur having a hard time finding stuff to watch maybe something more episodic like cowboy bebop or samurai champloo would be fun... i havent talked about them as much but also like theyre super well known so idk if u need the pitch or anything.....

um if u really like mystery or thriller stuff you should watch monster it had me hooked so fast i watched like all 74 episodes in like a week i also really appreciated the level of like empathy and kindness in the show which was such a nice departure from so much other stuff in the genre like you can have kind episodes and deal with really painful subjects all at the same time this doesnt need to be torture but also like has some insane pacing in certain arcs and the tension will make you lose your fucking mind!! dr tenma on the run from the law to find a really evil college student!

again i have no idea what u have seen or what u like so i guess im avoiding some of the obvious ones or like i think everyone should watch utena but if ur having a hard time getting into stuff thats a terrible idea to watch utena cuz its so repetitive its really hard idk i think if u just trawl back thru my blog theres a lot of stuff i have talked about and ive talked about most of these too but theyre ones ive definitely talked about less so if ur a new follower u might not have seen idk...

[goatpaste]

god out here seein butchleopardstar talkin bout their old wc oc and i just have this urge to show my old ones ESPEcially ones i still have

also a fun lil look into my shitty old art 

angel was like my big first MAIN wc oc and she was called angelwing/angelstar and was the leader of demonclan a group of demon monster cats. she was married to a dude named devilheart (who is now a retired oc sorry devilheart) and they had kids and they all fought the forcesss off eeeeviiil. 

i still  own her and love her, my special first oc,,

Devilheart who is a now retired oc he was angelstars mate and was just a demon who was a big softy who loved his wife but had a temper for annoying people

dragonflight another member of demonclan and one of angelstars friends, he had the stupid storyline of being in love with angelstar despite her having a family and then also being in an unhappy marriage with a lady named blizzardlove

hes a retired oc

blizzardlove who was dragonflight mate and had the exact same storyline but with her being in love with devilheart.

she is oc retired now, but if i was smarter then i woulda relized she was in love with angel

brightflower (now just bright) was one of angelstar and devilhearts kids and was just a very sweet big hearted girl shes still that and loves her mom very much shes just not a cat anymore and is like her current moms story and is in lesbians with one of their evil mortal enemies pride

puretime (now just pure) was another one of angelstars kids who was just for the most part a regular cat but like a werewolf became a giant unstoppable monster on a blue moon that attacks everyone. hes very shy and nervous and scared of himself current him i still own and hes just about the same but he’s people, not related to angel and whatever but he still got scary werewolf live monsters livin in him

ghost flower was the third kid of angelstar and devilheart. she was a ghost cat demon thing and was super rowdy and i loved her a lot of the three. she was angelstars deputy.

now she retired having not been used in years

god THIs oc i didnt even remember existed until i saw her on my DA. her name is Applebabble she was apparently Puretimes daughter and has a speech impediment but the ability to copy voices.

she defiantly got retired oops lol

Envy who was the daughter of Angelstars mortal enemy Reborn but envhdsgsdk envy hated being apart of a family of evil and just wanted to be a normal good person. shes TECHNICALLY not retired i still draw her mom and sibling but i also havent drawn her in years

sinborn the first born on Reborn and favirote daughter.

she means and cruel and knows she favorite and plays to it. she steps on her sisters all the time and its a lil bastard

she was retired a long time ago,,,

Pride who was reborns (at the time son) third daughter who was just a typical scummy bastard who fell in love with angelstars daughter brightflower and is just trying to balance being super evil with being smithened by one of the sweetest lil light in the universe and pride still the same except lesbians now

reborn, the big miss bady of my childhood she was just totally evil through and through and loved to be bad and be a pain on angelstars life. now shes still angelstars mortal enemy but with homoerotic subtext

solarspark, this ugly ugly design im so sorry i did that to you apparently he was suppous to be Brightflowers son who had an obsession with know who his mystery father was i guess defiantly a retired oc

Mirrorpool, Solarsparks brother. who was a lot chiller and big ‘no care’ attitude. he loved his mother and was very sure of himself and his skills.

a retired oc that i still do love the design on. simple but cute

god plush was a stupid ass character whos whole thing was that he could stand and was in love with a gang member but in a no homo way and was defiantly homophobic

now hes just plush the guy defiantly and openly gay for the hot gang leader. and he still stands and is just a furry oc now

Nightkit, designed for a wc rp group on DA, drew her once and then forgot she existed lol

Waxwhisker, also made for that group of wc Rp stuff that i immediately forgot about. he meant to be in waterlcan

timetravler who was as his named said, is a timetravler. he would just show up around leafclan who take people on timetraveling adventures. and was V gay he would often turn these adventures into romantic gestures for handsome men.

i still own this one! idk why i felt like i couldnt let him go,,,

east who was apart of my ‘compass ocs’ he was just a fancy cat who raised his adoptive son west and hate siblings of north and west. they really jdshgds didnt have much story beyond that? idk why i made them

hes just a bunny named east now lol

then west to go along with east. he was just baby cowboy supreme.

south who was just big big meany, she was just very grumpy and violent. 

souths brother north who hh is a polar bear now and doesnt have a full up to dte ref, im workin on it lol

but got his old art and design, bad

spookyfire who was apart of my old rp friends clan Hauntedclan and they lived in an abandond mansion. she ws married to the leader lizardstar and they had maNY baby

she is retired U.U

Wickedspell, one of spookyfires many baby

she makes potions and is a lil witch

i tried to revamp her a few times over the years but yknow

things happen

Battlestar, another of spookyfires kids, leader after Lizardstar of Hauntedclan

retired character

Zerogravity anOTher one of spookyfires kiddos she was a sweet lil lady who was with a guy named Arksoul who stood by her after she learned herself incapable of kids.

retired character

wire who was the leader of my own baby version of bloodclan, known as savageclan. wire was an absolute monster who abused those around him and threaten even those he loved to get what he wanted.

his clan was located in a nearby abandoned power plant

his mate scrawnyskull left him with their kids after she realized how horrible he was.

scrawnyskull, Wires ex mate. she and her sister was a pet taken from her home by savageclan cats and raised in their terrible ways. she was later made wires mate. When scrawnyskull realized how far wire was willing to go to get what he wanted, she left behind her life in savage clan to raise her kids in a nearby clan iceclan.

now shes just a big monster lady oc who loves her babies

flora, shes scrawnyskulls daughter

thats about it, and i still have her around

phantum, scrawnyskulls son whos just a lil guy

storm, another one os scrawnyskulls kids, a stubborn lil guy

retired oc

Flare, scrawnyskulls sister who like swanyskull was taken from her home as a pet and made a member of savageclan. she too late realized how bad savageclan is after her sister left 

now she just a kitty cat furry oc lol shes the fun aunt

Force, one of my savageclan memebers she hated savageclanbut leaving wasnt  really an option

retired oc

another savageclan clan oc named scratch, he knew savageclan was bad but figured noone else would have him at this point

retired oc

twitch, another savageclan character. lazy bastard

retired oc

killier, another saveclan kitty who was stolen from his home as a kid and is now one of wires trusted bodygaurds

Fang, lil lady of savageclan

retired oc

badger and wolf, savageclan bastard brothers

oh they irritating

retired oc

Hollow, savageclan cat. saved by savageclan warriors as a child would have died if not for them. feels in dept to them

retired oc

snipe, savageclan warrior taken from his pet home at a young age. learning of his orgins in adulthood came to have a fascination for humans

retired oc

Fox savageclan lady

retired oc

Diamond, pretty savageclan lady

retired oc

leafclan warrior SafariPuma

now hes just a big muscle tiddy kitty

bright?? who was just a cat made of blood?

retired oc

cabbitleap, just a cat rabbit grumpy man

retired oc

icestar, leader of my iceclan i made forever ago

retired oc

rosedew, daughter of icestar and her mate snaketail

ragingstar, first leader of iceclan. spunky loud lady

now shes is named flamingo and is mmm creature!

goddessstar, leader of stellarclan

retired oc

Dim horrible daughter of goddesstar 

retired ocs

silentnight, i think i made her just to have that name

retired oc

his name is fucking coxdream, he was half cat half fox and at age 10 or whatever just DID not relize the motherfucker name sounded like that

now his name is still cox dream and now hes just a horny joke/serious character lol 

Gracie, a loner who easily fell in love and constantly had her heart broken

now shes a zombie and falls in love and then eats the people she likes which sucks

B their a ninja cat

Dagger, cyborg cat who was experimented on

now shes a cool fortune teller with robot parts for fun

wasp was probably one of my first cat ocs when i started being into warriors  i still have him and love him and im currently designing him a boyfriend,,

brown who was friends with wasp 

i think she could technically be said to be one of my first fursonas lol

retired oc

badsmog, never did much wqith her beyond design

still have her as smog and she is creature

[thedyingtimelady]

Sweet Bathmix

An Eight Doctor x Reader Shorty. Hope you like it!

Just one Swearing!

You just had the most worst day ever.

Your alarmclock didnt woke you up, you came too late to work, the coffee vending machine broke down and it goes on and on and on.

„Fuck this!“, you scream loud in your bathroom.

You didnt like swearing, but the anger just filled your whole body.

You let yourself a warm bath and while you where swimming in the hot water, that was mixed with roses and lavender. You love this kind of bathmixes. This time you bought some roses and lavender. You just love, how smooth your skin become after the bath and how good you smell after it. Better then any parfum.

While bathing...You thought about the doctor.

You didnt heard about him the whole day. Where was he? On a trip again? It´s not like, you want to forbid him to travel, but you are always afraid, that he will be hurt or something worse happend. He could be in your future dying, or in your past collapse somewhere.

You shake your head and ban all this negative thoughts. He is fine. Thats very sure!

After the nice bath, you turn on some soft music and sit on your couch and read a nice book, as suddenly someone knocking on your door.

You look at the clock. It´s almost 10 P.M! Who could that be?

You get up and open the door, as you see the smiling face of your precious doctor.

„Hello Sweetie. Sorry for waiting“, he said with his soft voice. Your whole body is covered in goosebumps and you smile bright.

„Doctor! You are back! Come in!“, you said happily and let the victorian dressed men inside your house. His curly hair swings around, as he turned to you and pulled you into a warm hug.

„I missed you. Ist been 3 Weeks, since I saw you last. I was stuck on a Planet with a lot of space Cowboys. Oh Dear, you didnt wanted to be there. It was terrible!“, he sighed and strokes your back softly.

„Wow… 3 weeks? I only saw you yesterday. But now you are here, you can stay for 3 weeks in my place.“, you laugh softly and strokes his hair softly, playing with one of his locks.

You smiled at him and he replied your smile with a bigger smile.

„I would love to spend so much time with you Sweetie. You know. Thats a great Idea. Lets do that.“

You blink in suprise. You know, that the doctor couldnt never stay for a long time in one place. The longest the stayed with you, was a week, after that, he dissapeared for a month (In his „Time“ You just saw him on the other day again)

You giggle softly and hold his hand.

„Lets see if you can make it.“

„I will. I missed you so much Sweetie. I need you now… Here with me“, his voice goes deeper. He start kissing the back of your hand softly and kisses along your arm to your shoulder.

You blushing, feeling your heart racing. As his lips touching your neck, you almost lost it. You feel, how your legs getting softer, so you sit down with the Doctor on your couch, while he didnt stop kissing your skin. He took a deep breah and sigh happy.

„You smell like roses. I love it.“, he whisper, start kissing your chin, until he arrive your lips. He kisses you softly, elegant, how a gentlemen would kiss someone.

You enjoy it, ever piece he gives you, you take it and put it in your heart. You love it, when he kisses you in his way.

The Doctor starting whispering sweet things in your ear.

„Y-You making me crazy. You should stop.“, you murble softly and trying to push him away.

He let you go for a second, just to pull you on his lap and put his hands on your hips.

„I would never stop telling my sweetie, how much I love you“, he grinned and kiss you again, but this time more passion.

„You really smell so delisious. I just cant stop Sweetie“, he whisper into your ear.

You start blushing even more and start kissing him again.

„Then Dont stop“

Maybe you should buy this Bathmixes again…

[catmeme-moved]

all of the asks! >:3

god ok 

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

😏

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

i dont think i could date anyone who does any kind of drugs,, it makes me Very uncomfortable

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

its only 4 babey

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober...ive never been drunk

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

i guess?? it was in high school so i dnt think it rly counts since yknow, i was 16

7. What does your last received text say?

“jgdijgjfdivjdjdj me“

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

not enough times !!! i love kissing my gf

9. Where was your last kiss at?

in the parkinglot behind my dorm building

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i saw both my sisters when i was home for break a few weeks ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

coffey

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

not rly? i think if relationships r hard then they arent rly meant to be

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

god i wouldnt have spent so much money

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

none at all ;3c

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

i guess rainy....overcast weather is my fav

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

my mom ! probably lots of other people too shjkdh lee is a fairly common name i think

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i hope so!!!

20. Does anyone like you?

god i sure hope my gf does

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nop

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

ya thats why i kissed them ghksdjs

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

no one that i know personally.. there r some like celebrities and other famous ppl i dont like

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes i want a tattoo from a specific artist in my hometown!!!

25. In the past week have you cried?

i mean probably i dont remember though

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

a pug...i saw him in a donut shop

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

i dry off as im stepping out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no bc jocks intimidate me

29. Do you think you’re old?

not really in the grand scheme of things.. im only 20 i still have decades ahead of me !

30. Do you like text messaging?

ya

31. What type of day are you having?

its been ok! i spent time w my roommates downtown

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

i hav my septum pierced but a nostril piercing would b nice

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold..

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

i dont rly think theres such a thing as “opposite sex” since sex is also on a spectrum like gender

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship ! flings r nice i guess but i prefer the stability and commitment of an actual relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

i thnik im fairly simple..idk

37. What song are you listening to?

when he died by lemon demon

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yea of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

my best friemd emily40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

theyre hot and funny and very kind!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?

idk maybe an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

im hungry and not being held by my gf43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

its my mom so fairly well i think44. Does anyone disgust you?

men45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no bc im already dating someone46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i feel...neutral47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my roommate !48. What color shirt are you wearing?

its blue pruple n green tie dye49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

ya my history professor told me i had to read books50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

no one is coming to mind51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

i dont hate anyone!

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

almost gave up on ever being able to pet the raccoons outside the dining hall but someday ill be able to earn their trust

53. Do you like rain?

yes!!! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

not rly ! as long as theyre safe about it ykwim55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

no i think ive told most of my crushes how i felt about them at the time 56. Do you like to cuddle?

god yes i love to hold and be held57. Are you shy?

its the social anxiety 58. Do you get along with girls?

i am a lesbian59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

we r dating !! 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my phone and my peper spray 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

id do it for 10 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

ive been in my current one for 7 and my longest lasted 8 ! 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

yes! 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

anything my gf does is cute65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

my cat yawned when she tried to meow and made a weird squeak sound

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

18 (or maybe 19 now idk), 19, 20

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

i do them myself bc i hate spending money68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

ghgdh,....neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i dont have a car yet 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

neither...i dont rly like eithr of those music genres71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

im samsung bitch until i die72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

its been months. maybe years. i dont like pizza73. Do you like diet soda?    

i dont rly like any soda anymore tbh74. What color are the walls in your room?

plain white...f    75. Are you 16 or older?    

bitche im 2076. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

nop i dont even know waht its about77. Do you have a job?    

yes i work in a library !  78. What are your initials?    

ylb79. Did you ever have braces?    

no :^/80. Are you from the south?    

nope im a pnw bitch

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

something about voting82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

ya shes my best friemd83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

my mom.. fuck my dad !84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   

i vaguely remember attending a gymnastics class when i was like 5 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

uhh.. venom i think86. Do you smoke?    

no never !!!87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   

flip flops. 88. Is your phone touch screen?    

god how old are these questions. who has a phone that isnt touch screen now89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

my hair is naturally curly !90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

a pool..... rivers and lakes r scary92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

not yet93. …Had sex in a car?    

no that seems. . difficult. theres not very much room94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

im in a luvly relationship95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

sleepin96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

new years i think??97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yea its pretty nice98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

no but ik i wanted one before i got into my current relationship skdgjhj99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no but i did drink half a beer thing once and went to sleep bc i got a stomach ache100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

i dont even use facebook101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

when i was in first grade id play “family” w my friend sometimes and she’d pretend to be the dad and i was the mom so we would spoon each other bc we thot thats what sex was and i thought she actually got me pregnant bc i was 7 and didnt know anything102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

the song blind slaps103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

no its winter and i also dont go outdoors104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

 i hate wearing shorts

[dame-mas-princesa]

BE THE COWBOY BY MITSKI

1.) GEYSER

“And hear the harmony only when it's harming me. it's not real, it's not real”

i really see this as a beginning to an album that covers the attachment towards a specific person. off this lyric it’s what you find in many toxic relationships. “no no they are a good person” they are hurting you but ‘it’s not real’ you want to focus on the harmony when it’s harming YOU. touch shit man.

2.) WHY DIDNT YOU STOP ME

“I look for a picture of you to keep in my pocket but I can't seem to find one where you look how i remember”

this part i kinda understand. you find yourself idealizing a person that you eventually forget who they really are. you have an image in your head over what they are but as in this lyric you can’t seem to find one that looks how you remember.

3.) OLD FRIEND

“I'll take coffee and talk about nothing, baby”

this songs is really hard to interpret. i see this as someone who ended a relationship but are still friends but now the relationship is tense. tense is not the right word it it’s that point where you would ‘take anything’ just to be around them. blue diner might’ve been that place where they had dates or such. it’s so conflicting but like?? cause the narrator is in a relationship with someone new and the other person mentioned (who they are singing about) is also with someone new BUTBUTBUT it seems these two still have a romantic connection/relationship. they haven’t told anyone like they had promised. brain hurt

4.) A PEARL

“But it's just that I fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended”

this was my go to crying song for the LONGEST. that is mainly cause i relate to it an IMMENSE amount. it reminds me of my past relationship (hey if you are reading this don’t worry no major details or names) but the lyric “you’re growing tired of me and all the things i don’t talk about” communication was lacking when referring to our feelings. you grew tired of me and how i never told you how i felt. it was mutual, i grew tired of all the things you never talked about. the lyric above just describes how i felt for so many months. really this entire describes how i felt for months. when she says “i fell in love with a war” she is referring to her toxic relationship. she was obsessed with it and i’m her mind, it never ended. she continues with “there’s a hole that you fill” without you, there is a void. goes on with “and it left a pearl in my hand” which is like a memory the way i see it. i remember spending months thinking of those memories just to fill my heart with joy. this song just got me feeling too many things then my feelings ab this are no longer as vibrant.

5.) LONESOME LOVE

tumblr is spacing this out weird grr

“I call you, to see you again so I can win, and this can finally end”

this is a very short but what i get out of this is the self sabotage. To me when i do something that i KNOW will hurt me in the end, it really just makes me feel like a did something good. i’m a winner in someway. nobody fucks me like me.

6.) REMEMBER MY NAME

“Just how many stars will I need to hang around me to finally call it heaven?”

mitski, everyday you confuse me with meanings. good thing most lyrics can be interpreted in a way so that it makes sense to YOU (with respect for the original meaning)! the lyric above kinda reminds me of “how many things or how many people do i need around me to feel welcome” heaven is a place where you are supposed to feel loved, welcome, and happy. i’m leaning more towards the importance of possession because of the lyrics “i need something bigger than the sky. hold it in my arms and know it’s mine” i know i struggle with wanting to feel big and mighty when i know something big and bright (such as stars) is mine and mine ONLY. i want to feel IMPORTANT. holding stars could give off that feeling. also love the guitar in this

7.) ME AND MY HUSBAND

“...Will be gone, with my eyes with my body with me”

you KNOW this song is about being an immigrant. you move from a country where you grew up, where you have all your memories, and had all of your experiences. you come to a new one, you know no one. this is where the lyric “but when he walks in, i am loved” i promise you that when you stay in a place where you know absolutely no one, not even knowing how to act, when someone you know walk in you feel relieved. you feel seen and in this case you feel loved. it’s just you and your ‘husband’. i feel as if this moving situation can be both physical and metaphorical but i’m taking it as physical.

8.) COME INTO THE WATER

“But would you tell me if you want me? ‘Cause I can't move until you show me”

this is basically saying “can you tell me that you feel the same cause i don’t want to dive in without knowing” come with me, do you want to be with me? not too much i can say with this song.

9.) NOBODY

“And big and small again and still nobody wants me”

i think song is the definition of upbeat music with sad lyrics. i cannot find myself crying to this song cause all i want to do is dance. BUT THE BIG AND SMALL AND BIG AND SMALLL LYRICS GOT ME THINKING. i have been skinny and i haven’t, i have been happy and not, i have been friends with so many people and very few and STILL nobody wants me. in this instance i know mitski is referring to her weight which really gets me thinking. this songs revolves around the topic of just wanting to feel loved and important. the need of someone to care about YOUUUUU!! just to feel alright!!!!!!

10.) PINK IN THE NIGHT

“I hear my heart breaking tonight. Do you hear it too?”

you do you know how i feel? can you hear my heart breaking? this song is the bargaining part of grief. the constant thought of wanting to say i love you once again or to kiss you one more time. this is a very short song soooo

11.) A HORSE NAMED COLD AIR

“circled the same old sin”

takes a big brain to understand this poem, i don’t have it. the last part of this which reads “i thought i traveled a long way but i had circled the same old sin” really got me thinking of my own habits. during recovery i thought i had gotten so far, beaten so many of rules and fears, only to relapse over and over. i had circled the same old sin.

12.) WASHING MACHINE HEART

“Baby, though I've closed my eyes. I know who you pretend I am.”

once again with the reoccurring themes!! it’s the idealization of person to the point that they are no longer the same person. she goes on with “why not me?” the person who she is singing to seems to make up this version of her that ISNT her. she asks why isn’t the person i am not enough.

13.) BLUE LIGHT

“out there i’m a sharp knife. are you the blue light?”

the blue light is referring to the light that the moon emits at night. i feel like she is saying “i hurt others but you show me what i’m doing” i’m not even completely sure?? maybe it’s what makes the sharp knife beautiful? the blue light reflecting off of it?? i have no idea.

14.) TWO SLOW DANCERS

“To think that we could stay the same”

in my point of view, the reference to age can be in regards to the age of a relationship. just like people, relationships age. everything seems so easy at the beginning of a relationship. many think at the beginning that the relationship is going to last forever and feel the same. it doesn’t! you pass the honeymoon stage and things change. you realize who you’re with, who you planned to spend the rest of your life with. they aren’t the person you thought they were. that close intimacy (slow dancing) doesn’t last and wears out.

okay finished. i mean yeah thank you mitski for this wonderful art piece of an album

[hakuteeth]

my thoughts on nialls album:

1) on the loose - a better what a feeling has a very cowboy vibe? for some reason i dig it! 

2) this town - boring but cute

3) seeing blind - country!!! I think it suits his voice as well, probably one of the better country pop songs out there I think Maren Moris’ voice blends in well (a potential single contender? yes its good)

4) slow hands - A BOP

5) too much to ask - 1st time i heard it i didnt like it, second time... alright i think it might grow on me but still v generic

6) paper houses - LOVE IT OMG it reminds me of monsters and men one of my favorite bands maybe some of that james bay influence either way definitely an indie vibe so definitely a favorite

7) since we’re alone - sort of like seeing blind I like the background instrumental not too basic but not overlaying any crazy instrumental and he sounds good on vocals i think it could be good slowed down as well but i do like it 

8) flicker - TITLE TRACK, love this vibe, those soft i think drummers in the background, definitely a star gazing song, i think maybe at its core this is where he opens up which i think is interesting definitely one of my faves as well 

9) fire away - love this bubblegum guitar maybe a bit of grouplove without the whimsy? not sure how i feel about it

10) you and me - im surprised hes not singing about cold beer and trucks on this one and the chorus is pretty forgettable

12) on my own - I WAS WAITING FOR THE IRISH BOP, SING IT NIALL (this is his stadium song btw i hope he sticks by this one) ALSO NIALL THANKS FOR THE NAME DROP BBY 

13) mirrors - the chorus is good!! i love that harmonization one of the better tracks

14) the tide - a good closing, a good pace, love the lyrics definitely a on the knees screaming on the beach song if that makes sense fjsdflkdsjfd but a good song

SO THIS WENT BETTER THAN EXPECTED. the bar was set at on tolerable and i ended up with coming out with some faves. I liked how cohesive it was but maybe some ppl might find it boring but since its the kinda music i dig i was into it. fourteen songs can be a bit much but the album also doesnt have interludes so i think its a decent length. Its more james bay less ed sheeran which is what i was hoping for definitely surpassed recommendations i feel like its a good album to listen to while studying just because it has a nice general rhythm again there were songs i felt that were boring or maybe repeated songs but yeah overall i enjoyed it!!

faves: paper houses, the tide, on my own, slow hands, and flicker

least fave tracks: too much to ask, you and me, this town

[mag200]

here u go

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

uh i tend to either doubt the existence of everyone including myself, or doubt my own existence but not everyone else’s

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

like 1 or 2 i live for the night bicth

3. The person you would never want to meet?

this is hard because even people i truly hate i would want to meet so i can fight them. so maybe jrr tolkien bc my expectations are probably too high and meeting him would be like “oh right ur a just a real and regular person that existed righto”

4. What is your favorite word?

probably “fuck” lets be real it’s just so flexible

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

i have been asking myself this question my entire life and i cannot yet answer with certainty but i rlly relate to swamp maples

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“damn im good at cutting my hair” (i chopped my bangs last night)

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a feminist tee shirt my cousin’s girlfriend made

8. What do you label yourself as?

a goth bitch. a gay motherfucker. a sleepy boi.

9. Bright room or dark room?

uhh i like a lot of natural light, i don’t have blinds on my windows so it can get bright but the best is early morning or evening when its pretty dark out and i have my string lights turned on. so i guess low-to-neutral lighting.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

sleeping lol.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

18 was reeeaal good but i’m gonna be 21 next and i am looking forward to that i think it will be a fun time

12. Who told you they loved you last?

my dad or my stepmom like yesterday probably

13. Your worst enemy?

not to be an edgelord but. my own brain probably.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

usually a pretty nature picture bc im a basic bitch, rn its this

15. Do you like someone?

um i like taylor swift

16. The last song you listened to?

the 10 hour version of “weightless” by marconi union (its my background music for nanowrimo)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

hahah um idk if i can say this without the fbi showing up

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

no one in particular in this exact moment but. if a nazi shows up.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

im uh not comfortable with this concept

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

idk maybe my eyes i like my face a lot but i also like my arms a lot but also my hairy legs? beautiful.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

first of all it would be pretty lit bc i’m genderfluid and i’d have a great time looking physically masc. so ideally i’d have long hair and a beard and i would just go for a hike and write and be beautiful.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

i dont have anything thats a secret to everyone but like most people dont know that i used to snowboard all the time and was real fuckin good at it

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

that theres a monster in the toilet thats going to reach up and grab me while im peeing

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

alfalfa sprouts, sharp cheddar cheese, hummus, cucumbers, spicy mustard, turkey, and figs on rye bread

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

tattoo definitely

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

ICELAND

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

i literally have no idea what i like so. i would pass the offer on to my dad he is much wiser in the lore of alcoholic beverages than i am.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

no TERFs.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

mother of fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

uh my journals

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

jesus christ. um. no im not getting into this shit here tbh i didnt read all these questions before reblogging this thing sorry.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

iceland here i come.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

of course Death is a cool entity you dont have to tell me that. anyway i have not yet lost someone in my family to death that i was super close to so. i’d bring back carrie fisher.

34. What was your last dream about?

i was in a deep crater trying to climb out to look beyond the rocks... i knew the ocean was supposed to be there and i was supposed to be able to see japan from there if i could climb up?? but when i got to the top and looked out, the ocean was gone and a barren landscape lay before me, images sliding into place like a powerpoint presentation superimposed on the sky of the apocalypse that had struck during my exile, the art and culture that was lost, the demise of the world. i climbed back down to chill in the bottom of my crater.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

yes i am a good.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yeah only three times i think but all within the same year.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

hell yeah

38. What is the color of your socks?

not wearing any right now but the last pair i was wearing are orange, brown, and tan

39. What type of music do you like?

uhh lots of kinds but my top 3 are taylor swift, my chemical romance, and hayley kiyoko

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises but if i lived on the west coast and could watch the sunset on the water i might prefer that

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

i dont care about sports teams buddy

43. Do you have any scars?

yeah i have a bunch from just playing and doing weird shit in the woods and a lot from picking at bug bites for too long, but i also have a couple self-harm scars from a while back

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

idk exactly but im going back to school soon for environmental science and i’d love to do anything that lets me be outside and work with plants or animals

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i’d either be born DMAB or have a brain that isn’t so goddamn forgetful

46. Are you reliable?

u mm idk i try to be but i am not for everyone

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

what do u regret not doing

48. Do you hold grudges?

i do but very selectively, only for like one or two people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

um idk maybe i could combine goats and turkey vultures into some kind of goat/dragon/bird of prey. think of the mayhem.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i genuinely cannot remember sorry. but it was probably in an online forum in 2007 during the height of random humor.

51. Are you a good liar?

uhhh doubtful but i used to think i was good lol

52. How long could you go without talking?

i’ve gone a couple days without talking before and im sure i could go much longer, maybe months or years even altho it would not be healthy for me.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

junior year when i thought i knew how to cut my own hair (but i really didn’t) and i wanted to look like a knockoff brand Skins character (and i really did). that wasn’t rlly good but it was fun and i dont regret it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

nah im not really a cake person

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i can sometimes do a british accent which i’ve been told is convincing to american ears but is probably very overdone. i can’t speak other accents but my brain gets stuck thinking in scottish or like a cowboy accent from old westerns a lot of the time.

56. What do you like on your toast?

lots of stuff depending on my mood but my fav is a runny egg where the bread can soak up all the yolk.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

eleven from stranger things

58. What would be you dream car?

i rlly rlly miss my old car that had to be junked almost a year ago. i don’t remember what kind it actually was but it was from the 80s and was a faded baby blue and small and boxy and the seats still smelled like cigars. any car from that time period but with a modern stereo + aux cord is the dream. or a big lesbian pickup truck like what bella has in twilight but with decent gas mileage. the dream.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

yes but only if im home alone. what i do most in the shower is have imaginary conversations or pretend that i’ve been trekking through middle earth for four months without bathing and this is the first opportunity i’ve had to clean myself and i enjoy the shit out of it. or i pretend i’m a dragon.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah dude definitely

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

no ive done that like maybe twice ever

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

R its just so good

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons but i fuckgin love dinosaurs dude

64. What do you think about babies?

i’m a little awkward/insecure around them but i feel deeply protective when i hold one and in general i think theyre pretty awesome

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

hah motherfucker u forgot to ask me one

[ultra-deepestbouquet]

September 12 2017

I was anticipating to feel like Marissa Cooper at Thereas house. Out of place in the house, not from this side of town at all. White girl look. Coop in her orange sundress showing off those dainty collar bones. Me in my black sundress with my lace up espadrilles. Ray Ban aviators shielding almost my entire face. I hope I looked tiny. It was hot and humid and the sun was turning my curled hair into waves, I wish I would have worn lipstick. I wish J and I were sitting closer together in her view. I would reach for him occasionally and touch his knee, he was probably grateful his eyes were also hidden by sunglasses. He was crying. I wanted to stay strong, and I did. I was unfazed. I have him, she doesnt anymore. We live together, I get to ride him and kiss him. We get to makeout. We get to go on trips together, we get to fuck. He loves me. 

I got to see where J grew up and his city. We drove past endless farmland when we arrived. Cornfields and grape vines to make wine. Then the city, and then the bad parts which reminded me of Dads neighborhood but more green. Small houses which has once been the american dream, now looking dingy.  Ripped curtains hanging in the windows, sketchy people walking around, junkyards in the front. In the daytime it was beautiful and you wouldn’t know this was the gang ridden part of town. His grandmothers house was like you stepped back into time. Brown carpeting, faux wood paneling walls, gold framed family portraits and mirrors, the stale smell of cigarettes from years of smoking in each room.  They set up everything in the backyard with tents and tables and chairs, hoping for a cooler day. The air smelled of steak on the grill and cheap beer. J’s niece stood by my side the whole service. You cant help but look at her and feel your heart about to burst. She was the cutest tiny thing dressed in red sparkly cowboy boots, a printed dress with pockets, curly blonde hair bouncing on her tiny shoulders, her little voice and the biggest blue eyes. She spilled ice cold water on me during the prayer and I wanted to give her a big hug and say its all ok. I smiled at her with my eyes and smoothed her hair. 

We could see everyone coming into the backyard. And there she was. Star was beautiful. She seemed tall with long hair and bangs, I hate to admit she has J’s eyes I think. Her dress was almost a maxi, so I guess a midi and hung on her like a twiggy model. The dress was paired with Nike Sandals and she was instantly playing by herself with a small ball and kicking it around like she was in her own little world. Playing soccer maybe. 

I saw his ex shortly after and it was so apparent she had bought a dress just for this day as did I. My effortless styling muses are the fictional Serena Van Der Woodsen and Blake Lively herself, Sienna Miller, etc I suppose that looking amazing without trying look. I think I master this pretty well, and this day I was actually feeling good about it all, and this could not have been more opposite of her. The dress was very loud, a short “Alice in Wonderland” style dress in a blue damask print. Extremely heavy makeup and hair up. Tattoos everywhere mostly resembling cherry blossoms and vines. I wanted to keep my distance. 

After the service, and he seemed like a great man with a sense of humor, ( I wish we could have met) I went back into the house to search my bag for the carton of cigarettes J was keeping. I walked into one of the bedrooms and she was standing right in front me. The room was already small but neat except for the dresser littered with makeup, jewelry, and hair products, but being in this same room as she, I felt the room cave in. The energy felt like it was sucked out of this space. I froze. I started to dig in my bag. I finally had the courage to muster out “Hi How are you.” But Im sure it sounded weird. She replied back “Im Good, how are you.” and the words sounded in slow motion. In just this one sentence, her words were harsh sounding, almost like bullying, sarcastic, like her tone of voice actually meant “Fuck you bitch.” and I didnt know what to do. A part of me wanted to linger, and then she started to ramble about having too much caffeine and I bolted the hell out. 

I dont usually smoke, but it felt right in this scene. Smokers were all out front. Some people smoking weed pipes and pens. It was 1pm and I had been awake since 8am, showered and ready by 9, breakfast at 10, and all I wanted to do was fucking chain smoke. I usually share drags with J, and this time I had my own. We sat on the front stoops and I loved every damn minute of it.  

[snsmissionaries]

2/26/19 -- Elder Braden Cowden, Argentina, Cordoba Mission

Elder Cowden - Week 37

“Cancel it.  We install things ourselves in this house.”

 So a quick summary of the week...

 Tuesday i got to talk to my family and it was amazing.

 Wednesday we had a Meeting with our entire Zone in Bell Ville so we rode the bus there early in the morning. but about 10 minutes away from Bell Ville, the bus filled with the smell of gas and broke down. so we then waited another hour until the new bus came. We then had a great reunion where three dogs followed us to the park and i named them Mosiah, Maria, y Benjamin jaja and they literally stayed with us the entire day it was cool. So also i got a huge bruise on my right knee and leg and its actually a pretty crazy story. So after the reunion some of the missionaries went to a Super here which is basically a supermarket to buy food to cook for the big lunch we were going to eat. So while they were checking out, i was just standing by the door holding it for people and saying hi, just trying to be nice. When all of a sudden i see the huge shelf right in front of me start to fall back. I then see out of the corner of my eye a man who had fell backwards onto the shelf, so they were both going down. I wasnt near the man to grab him, so i thought the next best thing was to Captain America catch this thing like in Civil war so it didnt fall backwards. Theres only two problems with this..... the shelf was very heavy.... and i dont have Captain America strength. jaja So it basically slipped out of my hands on impact and bangged my knee pretty bad. But that didnt knock this ol cowboy down!  Right when it hit the ground, every missionary rushed to the mans side to help him up. He was very stiff and in shock, but he was alright. We then picked up the shelf and placed all the food and stuff on it and then dissapeared into the city as if we were never there jaja So we had a good lunch and went back to Villa Maria where my companion was saying how we needed to go to the doctor instantly. I told him it was just a bruise and that ive had gotten hits before but he wouldnt listen. jaja so we went and i had to describe to the doctor in spanish what happened which i did pretty good at i think :) she then said that we needed to go to the hospital to get an x-ray to make sure its nothing more than a bruise...... Yeah look... Im a Cowden/Darrow..... We just rub some dirt on it and keep going because we do things ourselves in this family! So i told my companion that we would just go back to the pension and then leave to go to work! I am proud to say that after almost a week, im perfectly fine jaja except parts of my knee and leg are different colors jaja

 thursday was a normal day but i am so very grateful for members and how they act on the promptings of the spirit they feel

 friday i made banana pancakes and they were very delicious jaja

 Saturday we had some amazing lessons with some investigators and i was very touched by the spìrit. i will never forget those lessons as the spirit was so strong

 Sunday we had a baptism of a boy in our Ward and Elder De La Cruz and I had to plan everything out and get all the talks and clothes 20 minutes before the baptism service. There is a lesson here for everyone- BE PREPARED and PLAN! DONT procrastinate and always be willing to offer your services in times of need as well as in times of peace. We then were treated to a nice religious concert that Villa Maria held with great music and really great dancing based off of Carnival in Brazil! We saw it as we were walking in the streets and decided to watch some of it.

 Monday was one of those days that every missionary doesnt want but has them..... just walking around and trying to find people but nobody wanted to accept the Gospel of Jesus CHRIST. But thats okay, we all have our free agency. But that night we had an amazing noche de hogar, family home evening, with the La Familia Sanchez and it was so amazing. We ate empanadas and Just about everyone in the room cried as we talked about the Hand of the Lord in our lives and how we know if God truly exists and loves us. I truly testify that God is real and that He is our loving Father in Heaven. He cares about each one of us SO MUCH beyond comprehension and if we truly ask in faith and sincerely desire, the Lord will help us becuase He will never leave us. He is the only one who truly understands how it feels in our day to day events, happy and sad. So i invite all of you to find out for yourself and gain a testimony of the existence and role of our Heavenly Father and also study about the Atoning Sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I love you all

  Elder Cowden =

[silverblighted]

u were expecting this but Isolde- 2, 12, 14, 20 and for Vergil 5, 10, 15, 20

OH YOU

ISOLDE:2: Emotional/Moral Weak Spots:Isolde is dogmatic to a point of fault; she thinks that everyone should think how she thinks about violence and really can’t stand it when people are murderous. Like – this goes for even if it’s against an enemy. Someone who’s hurt her a lot? Isolde will pitch a fit and try to find any way to deliver justice so long as it does not end in murder, even if that might be the only option sometimes. But in general Isolde is very soft and emotional, she’ll cry at anything. Her magic might seem morally weak, but she doesn’t contract any demons unless they’re willing and she does not do any magic at the cost of another person or animal. (Sacrifices are a no-go for her) However, seeing that her magic itself is more neutral and primordial in nature deep down she is definitely capable of doing harm unto others, but Isolde on her own is not into that at all.12: Grudges and vendettas:Isolde hates the Cadre a lot, especially after seeing why they’ve kept her locked up her whole life and what she’s missed. The grudge goes from typical teenager whiny parental angst to a real true grudge when it turns out they’ve been using other witches as batteries for their religious conquest. However she only feels capable of taking artifacts back from them and trying to undermine their religious authority over certain places/things.14: Ingrained Habits/Forces of Habit:She feels entitled to magical artifacts. Like… they belong to her innately, this obviously usually manifests itself in her sticky fingers, but she does truly believe they are hers. Monthly, at the full moon, she feels compelled to find a wood so she can bask under the moon in nature and when she is unable to do this Isolde is usually in a funk, think of it as a period of recharging, but whenever she can’t see the moon she gets a little jittery and anxious. It’s not exactly a power source for her; she’s not an Umbran witch but since most of her power can be amplified by nature, the moon suits her nicely.She also must touch all of the things. She’s very touchy: people, things, animals.20: What-ifs/Alternate Timelines:THERE”S SO MANY!!! POKEMON…. well, since she has 13729847239874 different lives there’s so many. WHAT IF SHE DIDNT GROW UP AT THE CADRE? WHO KNOWS. she’d probably be less weird, for sure. she’d also be part of the weird group of girls at school and have a ‘storytime’ youtube channel where she shows off her stupid fashion and dumb life choices.VERGIL:5: Guilty pleasures:Vergil loves… Japanese culture. too much. TOO MUCH. He’s all about it all the time and that might be really embarrassing but he tries not to be embarrassed about it because look at Dante - he loves cowboys. He really likes nice bath salts and bath bombs though and he has a secretly huge collection in his bathroom because VERGIL LOVES TO BE PAMPERED. He really does! Nice oils and good smells and luxurious candles~ Vergil loves a good spa night!10 .Fears/phobiasToo many. Loss is his numero uno though. Vergil is terrified of losing what he has to the point that he does not keep anything close for fear for losing it. He lost his mother at such a young age and that feeling really affected him his whole life. He lost his brother at about the same time when they were separated and thus he tries not to get close to him again for fear of the same thing happening again. If he keeps Dante at arms length then there’s no risk, right?He also has a deep seeded fear of being weak and not good enough. To Vergil being strong and powerful is the very way that you keep what you love from dying or disappearing, and to be the reason for these things to leave him would be devastated. Despite the fact he was a child when he lost Eva, he thinks that if he had been more focused on training and learning when he was younger that he might have been able to prevent it. He knows he cannot change the past, but he can make sure that nothing like that ever happens again in his life.15. What it takes to make them cryVERGIL DOESNT CRY WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.no just kidding he actually could cry very easily if he wasn’t paying attention to himself very well. Any discussion of his mother will have him uncomfortable and on the verge of tears pretty easily. However, he doesn’t really do it in front of others and will excuse himself, or will hold it in and cry later.he also gets really emotional about any serious discussions about his father and where the heck did he go. why did dad abandon him and dante?Lots of stuff makes Vergil sad enough to cry but he just tries really hard not to show any emotional at all because that’s easier and cleaner and  it’s just easier if people think he does not have any emotion except for anger and vengeance.20: What-ifs/Alternate Timelines:AU WHERE HE HAS A NORMAL FAMILY LIFE. KILL ME NOW IT’S TOO SAD. also vampire!vergil is my favourite thing in the whole damn world ;)

[cjostrander]

David Bowie: Heathen

Good morning everyone! it’s been a little while since i’ve done a David Bowie review and today i shall tackle one of his more odds and ends albums. It’s been roughly a year since his passing and this album is also on its 15th anniversary since it’s release. There hasn’t been too many decade anniversary works this year; so i’m going to adjust my list for five year intervals so that i have more work to focus on. I haven’t listened to much of this album but from what i remember; it focuses on a more classical style than his preceding electronic pop era in the 90′s. Let’s start this year of reviews off and see how it does.

Sunday: We begin with a futuristic key tone and background keys that give off a holy organ style of tone. It’s religious atmosphere is an interesting approach for Bowie’s deep and soothing tone. He doesn’t demand much attention but does do a fair job of creating an interesting atmosphere for the listener to ease into. The electronic drum beats do serve to liven it up a hair and add some extra substance for the listener to absorb before backing chants enter. It further adds to the song title’s reference and actually wouldn’t be a bad piece to play on movie credits or be covered in an accapala format. It is a decent piece to start off in the sense that it isn’t painful to sit through and its refreshing tone will do well to put the listener in relaxed mindset. Definitely not an album to play if you are in a headbanging mood. It also reminds me of the video game soundtracks for 90′s Sega games with the Streets of Rage series being a reference point. 7.5/10

Cactus (Black Francis/Pixies cover): This is the first of three covers on this album. I believe he was on a bit of Pixies fix during the writing of this album since that band covered the Neil Young song that will be featured later on in this album. If you’ve ever heard of his Pin Ups cover album from the mid 70′s; the later two covers were originally going to be on a follow up cover album titled Pin Ups 2 that never got recorded. A catchy acoustic guitar starts it off on a drastic departure from the prior religious themed opener. Bowie begins it with a very catchy tone full of swagger and the bass/drum rhythm give hims ample support to create a low echo approach in his tone. The keys give it a nice psychedelic approach and would make it an easy song to identify mistakenly as a Bowie original. The lyrics progress smoothly for him and the angsty guitar solo changes it up well enough to be appreciated by the listener with ease. The drums do succeed in giving it a groovy rhythm to dance to; so overall this piece proves to be a decent choice for him to cover. That was a pretty quick listen and hopefully gives the listener some motivation to check out the Pixies and see how their own version is before venturing onto their other work. I havent listened to them but do note them as a crucial influence for the post grunge band Bush (Glycerine, Machine Head, Comedown). 8.5/10

Slip Away: This one begins with a soothing key tone similar to the first track but with a chime effect as opposed to a holistic organ one. You do sense some electronic loops hidden faintly in the background while guitar effects softly tone tone them out at times. The keys get a bit more tense in the background while Bowie enters with a low and harmonious vocal tone. The drums and bass enter to provide him with a soft yet catchy foundation and his lyrics serve to give it a strong level of melody and substance. It is easy at times to ignore the lyrics but Bowie really pours his emotion into this song; especially during the chorus. His high notes aren’t demanding and contain a relaxed approach; but he still manages to make a dramatic show with them. The instrumentals will continue to be another good show of support for him and would make this mellow tune a decent piece to play during one of his late night concerts. I actually didnt even notice it as a  six minute tune; so thats gotta say something about the general flow of this song and album in general. By now; you should note that this album is very softly driven and is destined for a calm night time listen. I can also see it being an album that will very likely not be initially liked by younger audiences in comparison to his highlight era; but  it is shaping up to be a stronger offering than i expected it to be. Definitely a complex piece for an eclectic listener. 8.5/10

Slow Burn: Now this is the first single on the album and is a pleasant note that Bowie didn't put it as the first track in the album. Gives you at least a couple songs to see how the album’s base sound is before he gives you his more radio focused work. It is very likely my favorite song on this album and begins with a soft guitar melody, a rumbling bass note and a smooth drum patter. The solo riffs in the beginning will do well to relax the listener further before Bowie begins singing. His vocals are very easygoing and progress with a solid flow. He makes effective use of his melodic high notes without even appearing to be putting in much effort. It shows off a clear show of confidence in his delivery which is expected as such given his 30+ years in the business at this point. The lyrics are very strong and will be a good focal point for the listener; while the guitars continue to draw out the song with interesting guitar melodies. It will be a good live piece to see and is a smart choice for a single. It has a music video that i havent seen yet; but it’s surely worth a view. 10/10

Afraid: This one begins with a more energetic and continuously cheerful guitar melody before the groovy bass rhythm kicks in. Bowie gives the song a more despairing tone with his lyrics and the strings do well to give what could be jokingly described as his lazy style delivery a good push. The classical touch is a rather energetic approach which will do wonders in keeping the listener entertained. The keys are a bit more subtle and serve a more transition like role as opposed to anything major in the song. I will note that despite how decent the song is; you can sense some signs of force in his delivery that is different from the previous songs. I think lazy is probably the best way to describe his tone but surely going by the lyrics and title it is meant to portray him as being a tired and broken individual as a whole. In that sense it gives his style a nice purpose and while i view it as weaker; its certainly not filler. 7/10

I’ve Been Waiting for You (Neil Young cover): This cover tune begins with a more rough guitar rhythm than expected. I dont really know Neil Young’s work so i will just assume that it is his style. I know he was prominent in the 70′s so i’m expecting some sort of blues focused rock in this era for him at least. It has a lively tone that refrains from being overbearing though Bowie is smothered in the beginning at first. Bowie recites the lyrics with a nice show of reservation and the bass rhythm provides decent support but not quite enough to entertain. The guitar riffs do lift it a bit before the rhythm segment returns to battle it. The solo wins out with a soothing melody and a groovy bass rhythm. Bowie manages to liven it up pretty well and show himself to be the real winner in this battle of musical prominence. It’s another one that u’m not prominently big on but do note its appeal to some audiences and its potential to maybe garner some younger focus on Neil Young himself. 7/10

I Would Be Your Slave: A soft but energetic drum beat begins before electronic loops and soothing keys join in. It is actually pretty cheerful and relaxing which will fit in with the earlier songs on the album. Bowie uses his reserved style and places emphasis on his lyrics and the general atmosphere of the song. The keys prove to be the dominant factor in deciding this song’s energy level and as a result it has a very “slow burn” lol in his progression. Bowie has a nice echo delivery in the middle segment that infuses some decent tension into the song and follows through with a  good degree of balanced power and determination. It actually makes this piece more enjoyable as a whole and will do a fair job keeping the listener engaged regardless of how long of a listen it feels. I do acknowledge that this one would of been better labelled as “Slow Burn” due to its progression style. At the very least it would of been tongue in cheek. 7.5/10

I Took a Trip on a Gemini Spaceship (Norman Carl Odam): This is the final cover for this album and comes from an artist that Bowie was a major fan of back in the day. The song Stardust off of his iconic Ziggy Stardust album was a direct influence from the singer’s stage name (Legendary Stardust Cowboy). It begins with an electronic beat and shifts into a guitar rhythm that is very reminiscent of Bowie’s poppier electronic work. Seeing as this is a song from the late 60′s i doubt it was as futuristic in style. Bowie does do a very good job of giving it that space like vibe with his use of clever brass, tense keys, subtle strings, and prominent guitar effects. This is definitely one of those songs that you appreciate for its ability to create an atmosphere that is perfectly reflective of its title. 7.5/10

5:15 The Angels Have Come: A catchy drum echo starts this song off and keys enter to give it a very spacey sense of beauty, The guitar melody in the background is catchy and serves to give this song a rather interesting opening. As expected it takes its time in warming up until Bowie enters with a modest vocal tone and delivers some simple but rather charming lyrics for the listener to space out around. Things take on a more powerful tone during the chorus Bowie reaches for some decent high notes while the instrumentals take on a stronger rhythm. It all concludes after an appropriate tone and Bowie returns to his modest melodies as he seeks to push this song towards its soothing conclusion. 7/10

Everyone Says Hi: This is the final single of the album and begins with a good level of guitar effects and it develops a very soothing level of melody. The keys are emotional in tone and the electronic supports are perfect for their desired role. Bowie has a more psychedelic inspired delivery that reminds me of Space Oddity and his first three albums. It isn’t heavily reminiscent but it will be a very pleasant tune for fans of that era especially. The lyrics are solid and the instrumentals provide Bowie with a significant degree of skillful support so that he can focus on delivering a stellar vocal performance. The backing vocal harmonies are rather nice addition towards the end that helps it to transition with enough diversity as to end smoothly without feeling repetitive. 9/10

A Better Future: This one begins with an eerie guitar effect in the background while the drums develop a catchy rhythm. The bass and keys combine to give it that cheerful 80′s pop tone that will do a decent job of attracting that era of his fanbase but with his electronic vocal style from the 90′s. The lyrics are low but give the song a nice flow for the listener to space out around. He develops a nice degree of energy towards the end but other than that turns this easygoing song into an ideal piece for winding down the album before the finale piece surfaces. 7.5/10

Heathen (The Rays): This conclusive track opens up with very feint key notes and grows gradually deeper once a constant drum beat joins. It sounds very reminiscent of his ambient era (Low, Heroes, Lodger). The organs/keys make that comparison very easy until the drums and brass enter to liven it up a bit more.It does a pretty good job of elevating the album’s final impression the listener’s mind. Bowie’s voice is pretty smooth and his lyrics make it very easy to relax and space out around them as they progress. It is very soothing and surely gives off elements of complexity and drama as it concludes. 8/10

Overall album rating:7.9/10

Well, this was a pretty interesting album to do today. It is very mellow and soft as would be expected from an accomplished musician in his mid 50′s at the time. I’d say give it a listen during one of your more mellow moods and see how it impacts you. It’s obviously not a highlight album for him but it’ll be a pleasant companion piece for a fan to pull out when he is in a mood for something different from Bowie’s renowned work. I was originally expecting his follow up “Reality” album or Young Americans to be reviewed before this but being its 15th anniversary i figured i might as well scratch is off the list. He has two other anniversary works that i can do this year (Ziggy stardust at 45 yrs and Never Let Me Down at 30). I’m not sure which one but i know i will have at least one of them by the end of the year. Enjoy your day everyone and i will get back to you soon.

[calvinlepesh]

Purpose? Purpose.

My life was perfect til that day. I didn't even have a clue of how good off I was. Disrespectful, ungrateful, angry, but truly, sad. "From the beginning of my time or from the realization of the universe?" Very bold question I ask myself currently. How do I want to convey my knowledge? How do I want people to percieve what i will tell them? How will I word my stories and thoughts in a way that is too hard for normal people to understand? Can I? From the beginning it is! Now, Born Valentines day 1999 was chubby cheeked enthusiastically loved and cherished Lepesh. Born in Minnesota cold. Raised in Minnesota cold. Lepesh knew hot summer fun, running through the sprinklers, water balloon fights, Football, Basketball, Ice cream trucks, Chalk on the side walk/driveway, Biking with neighbors around our nitche. Biking by myself to the gasstation for candy. Waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement, Getting caught waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement. Lepesh knew winter fun. Snowboarding, Snowfuckingshoeing, Sleding, Snow tubing, Snowball fights, Huge snowmen, Snow forts along the cul-de-sac snowwall created by the huge cool snow plow! Wow! I thought to myself  mouth wide open with a smile, as the large plow on the front of the truck bursted through large mountainous snow mounds with ease. Creating wonderous mounds of snow in every frontyard across the neighborhood. Building snow forts and then having a war with snow balls. The point is my childhood was filled with fucking joy and happiness. It rocked man and Im super happy that it happened. I couldn't imagine this shit happening to me before.. Well before it happened. Its 2008. Its december as I sit on the couch with my brother and my parents..... well wait here theres a little more first. February 14th 2008 Im nine years old today. Im in Mr.Larsons fourth grade class. I enjoy creative writing, recess and lunch. although I didn't write much. I really love football and sports around this time. I decided to be a cowboys football fan when my dad said I could choose cause hes too nice to force me into being a Vikings fan. My parents especially my mom but definitely my dad aswell. Let us choose what we wanted. Which I disagree with now and will certainly not allow my childeren to decide what is right. Although Im sure I will at some point definitely not in elementary what the fuck?! Anyways. Decieded to be a cowboys fan cause my dad hates them and loves the Vikings. Which I now love today. Anyways. Im in the car with my whole immediate family driving. I ask where we're going or what we're doing. While heading west in the car my dad tells me we're going to Wisconsin and we're gonna stay the night at a hotel. The entire car ride their my dad is messing with me and im furious. Im certain today if I was in the passenger seat during the exchanges between my father and I I'd be laughing my ass off. But almost at the same time sad and angry of how ungrateful and disrespectful I probably was to my father. Idk maybe I just pouted, which I did alot lol.. anyways We finally arrive after probably an hour or so drive west, not infact in the direction of Wisconsin to a large farm in eastern Minnesota. 'There's nothing here' I thought to myself. It wasn't a desolate farm but damn near close. Large housing for live stock aswell as people. My father then reveals that im going to be getting my own dog for my birthday. I immediately light with excitement and smiles. Joy pulsing in my heart. Ive always wanted a dOG' i think to myself as I turn to my brother with excitement. I can only imagine how wide and big my smile and cheeks were to this day. Entering into the large barn with my family. Me, my brother, mother , and father all enter the barn to the amazement of dogs and insulation lol. From the outside it almost looks like a overly large stereotypical red barn, however the inside has another side to the story. Carpeted floors off to the left held the petting area with already free roaming dogs. while the right side of the room looked as if they did paper work and forms and whatnot. Going right wasn't even a thought in my head. LEFT. Headed for the dogs im stopped by my mom who is greeted by the worker/farmer. Im not even listening to her. I want a fucking dog. Moments go and my patience already thin is thinner. It takes alot for me to blow up even as a child. The problem was the things building up my 'meter of rage' as a child shouldn't have been. Anyway. Finally I head over to the dogs climbing the little fence even a little small for me already tall for my age. Immediately I spot an adorable smaller black dog. I kneel down to sit with it and attempt to hold it. Only to kneel right into a huge carpet puddle newly accompanied by its main ingredient dog piss. Nice. As i tell my mom she just laughs and tells me to be careful. Its what I did worst and least often. Unfortunately that was one of my biggest issues. After looking for awhile. I now realize my dad was probably ready to leave after 10-15 minutes definitely longer than that but Understandable nonetheless. After probably 35-45 minutes of trying to find a dog that didnt shed and was actually good looking. My mom had been carrying this one dog in paticular for a decent amount of time. Asleep in her arms as if a child beautifully sleeps my savior..... The car ride home Hank held the dog the entire time. Almost sinisterly which him being an older brother. acceptable, however frowned upon. Uncharacteristically careful I am as I hold my new dog. Smile from cheek to cheek and thats a long distance lol. Still carefully holding her i slowly bring her and a blanket along with hank to the basement. Where I lay out the fluffy green blanket and set Katy ever so gentely down. Standing next to my brother stareing almost in a daze like trance. We have a dog!' We were so happy. Hank and Lep happy? Together? very rare nowadays. I would certainly come to forget of such times even now almost a foriegn concept of us being so happy together. Now back to the OG storayyy............ Holding katy close weilding her support almost as a weapon to defend myself from such an awful thing. Its happening' I feel it' i just know' its happening' We are able to create our own reality because we (humans) designed a very primitive (in comparison to the universe) way to communicate how we feel. Speech. Speech is very important. Its our first amendment here in the US. say whatever u want. Pretty much. our speech is primitive because it doesn't describe things that we are uncertain of. We have to choose in our speech whether to Have no Idea Agree disagree yes no. Now of course there are exceptions to that. But not to normal people. Normal people can't understand this. If you are reading this right now and are lost for words but think you're 'awake' so to speak. just listen. This is a huge secret to life. Huge. It may change ur life over night. The best part about it is you get to decide. Ask yourself. Am I going to be open minded to what this man has to say? Ask yourself do I want whatever he says to be true in my life?... Just so I can touch as many people as possible and help the (working class which im apart of} hear me out. You may think im fucking crazy or that idk what life even is either and you're right I don't but all you have to do IS ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER IS/WILL/HAS EVER HAPPENED, Happened because you decided it was going to happen. Before you were even born. Before anybody way born. The best part about it. Is that it is unpredictable and it is fueled and directed DIRECTLY from our speech. Whatever you speak out loud for example say I said and I have. I want to fucking die. and I meant it. I really mean it. If you don't mean what you say then learn to do that before anything. Before u start this really take the time to realize ur worth not as a person but as you. Cause you created everything in your world. The best part you created it that way cause thats the way it turns out best for you. I hope atleast. Think about it. You get through everything. most things people kill themselves over. You're trying to make yourself strong for some reason possibly? or maybe catching myself up to everyone else cause I had such a nice and spoiled childhood? Past karma current karma. Thats what gets me. Theres no way a god created this world. But i could've created this world. Maybe im evil just like the world a little bit deep down. I am. Definitely a little evil. Its apart of my soul. Its apart of everyones soul in my world maybe not as much on some people and Ill never know why that is and I don't need to cause, I trust my judgement. It may be wrong sometimes but im still alive today for some reason that I decieded. thats the beauty of myself I truly never know what im gonna do each day specifically. Ill know if im gonna be tired or up for another 5 hours. Cause I will be and Ill feel it. Ill know when i need to fucking pee. But I never know what mindset is right or true for me. partially cause i have shitty short term memory and bad hearing and vision and a bad liver. im 19 lol. Anyway. Basically the secret is speak what you want and mean it everyday. You'll know if you dont want it as badly some days. you might even miss a day. All you're trying to do for yourself by doing this is getting yourself into a routine where you put those '(vibes) or Speech and words/ Communication. Communicate with your universe. Speak how you feel. Speak what you want. Speak how you're going to get it. Even if you're thinking theres no fucking way thatll happen. Theres no fucking way im ever going to pass through college. theres no fucking way id be able to get through law school. I can't be a chef I've hardly cooked. are my common misfires. Misfires however very common after the first few days to weeks will disapate if you PUSH ON! Just like you always have! This is what you were waiting to find. You created the world it is today for yourself today to see this and reconize for yourself today. That you're doing this wrong. Since starting my program I live with partial contentment as a human being. However I personally keep myself open to negative thoughts and wishes periodically to balance my life. However as for most of u assume this is rather stupid but selfless nonetheless. The reason I hold dark as I hold light is because this is what I decieded and this was meant to happen. The decision made by the creator of my universe which is me to write this to you and share what I have learned to help better your lifes for the benefit of them I do not know what I or they gain from this because it is beyond my comprehension aswell as yours. It could be for something of the lines of in 200 years cause I told you these secrets and my experiences and helped you better your life over time and you benefitted and you passed onto your childeren. that no your family lives on in the future 200 years from now. and they're good people. maybe not all. But if taught correctly and this isnt a cureall for everybody. But it significantly helps better improve overall mood and life tolerance in your life. It doesn't work immediately. It isn't gonna take it easy on you just cause you know now. In fact. If you are not open minded currently do not read because this idea sent and recieved and read and processed by a closed mind. Blocks the process from ever having the ability for your mind to hear and read properly as an openminded individual would.