#10 unbelievably scary plants

[ofreedsandoaks]

When Larc tells you not to touch a plant, then you better not fucking touch it.

[mah-gah-lee]

What a weird family reunion Reggie x  Reader (xLuke)

gif originally posted by @jatpsource​

Word Count: 3515 words

 Summary: You’re Reggie’s little sister. You were 3 when he died. You’re now a ghost for a decade. One night, you recognize your brother and jumped into him to an unexpected family reunion. How is it going to happen? Will Reggie believe you? In a mysterious way, that’s Luke who help you to convinced Reggie.

 Warnings: cuss (language), mention of death, mention of divorce, mention of drugs

 A/N: This is my first fic about jatp characters. Hope you’ll enjoy! keep in mind that french is my first language, so i’m so sorry if there’s some mistakes in my fic

 disclaimer: It takes place during episodes 6 and 7. I do not take into account the possibility of a Juke. The chemistry while they sing is there but no romantic feelings.

 Tagged: @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @standingtalllove​ 

 _______

Losing a child is the worst thing a parent could live, losing two is unimaginable. It’s seems being 17 years old was a new malediction in Peters family.

 You were 3 when your older brother, Reginald, died in a weird hot dog accident. At that point, your parents were literally a fight away from a divorce but never did it because of you. You were too young to be in a divided family, according to them. But Reggie's death separated them for good. Yet they really tried to support each other, to overcome that and give you all the attention you needed. But your mother overprotected you and made you live in the shadow of your late brother. Your dad couldn't stand it. And when they finally divorce, moving out from reggie’s childhood house, you went to live with your dad.

 Even though you were too young to form a strong bond with your brother, in a way you missed him. Your mother’s house was full of pictures of him, some of his clothes were still in a room, dedicated to him. When you visited your mother, you didn’t understand why you always found yourself in this room. You were drawn like a magnet to the comforting room. Reggie’s presence in this new house brought you such a sense of security that your mother had repeatedly found you asleep on a pile of your brother’s T-shirts.

 And then you died in 2009. Kanye West had interrupted Taylor Swift's speech at the VMAs, Miley Cyrus hadn't gone crazy yet and One Direction didn't exist yet. What an era! You didn't know why the great light didn't come looking for you but you were there, as a ghost in 2009. And the time has passed ... You've had your best concerts, the best parties. A forever teenager who couldn't eat, drink or sleep.

 And then 2020 came.

 …

 You were tired of always doing the same thing for over a decade, but you couldn't help but go to every open scene that came up in your beautiful city. It was as if an inexplicable force was pushing you to go there.

 This evening was no exception to the rule and you were in a very hip little bar in the city center. You wore one of those sleeveless, gray crop tops with high waisted pants, your leather jacket draped over your shoulders. Your eyes were directly drawn to a group of girls in colorful costumes. You couldn't help but roll your eyes. It's been 10 years since you died and it seemed to you that these girls looked like the same plagues that ruined the lives of so many teenagers in your time. You put on an expression of disgust when they all took the stage, but when the music started you couldn't help but admit it was pretty catchy. However, you didn't expect a ghost to appear in the middle of the stage, improvising a choreography. Was that part of the show?

 But looking at the audience's non-reaction, you knew it wasn't. The ghost disappeared for the first time, and your gaze sought directly the distinctive light source of another apparition in the room. Your gaze lingered on a small group of three boys - the blond boy included - and two girls. You have wrinkled your eyes to better distinguish the teenagers, and your face expressed confusion.

 “Reggie? “

 You wanted to go see him so badly. You were pretty sure it was your brother but it all came too fast. The moment you decided to walk towards them, the organizer announced a new band.

 “Okay, looks like we're close the night out with one more group…Julie and the fat ones.”

 What was that for a name? Your attention had been diverted and when you looked back at the group, the boys had disappeared as one of the young girls took the stage. Your heart was beating so fast. You couldn't go wrong; you had seen so many pictures at your mother's house that it was impossible that this boy was not your brother. But you missed your chance…

 Julie started to sing and your eyes were captivated, as much as your ears were. This kid was so talented! When she sang a rather high note, the tension in the room charged into electricity. The next second, the young singer was joined by the group of boys you had seen in her company. Appearing distinctly as the ghosts did. On drums there was the blond boy you had seen dancing a few moments earlier, on the electric guitar, a boy with tousled brown hair who seemed slightly familiar to you ... and on bass, with a flannel shirt, there was your brother ... Reggie was there, identical to the photos you had admired so much.

 The bar was on fire as Julie and The Phantoms performed. What a sick name for a group made up of two-thirds of ghosts! The song was so catchy that your heart beat to the sound of the music. But your eyes did not leave your brother, you were unable to move, frozen in place. What should you do ? Will you introduce yourself after the performance? And, what would you say? "Hey hi Reggie, I'm your sister, I died ten years ago and you twenty-five years ago. Unbelievable, right?! Nice to see you again" And once again, before you knew it, the song was over and the boys were gone again, leaving Julie alone on stage in the bewilderment of the many people in the facility.

 “for God's sake, where are they?”

 You didn't want to miss it anymore. Even though the whole situation was strange, you wanted to see your brother again.

 Your eyes flew over the room before seeing the scene play out before your eyes. Julie seemed petrified in front of a man. The boys watched in amazement and as Julie left with what appeared to be her father, you rushed over to the group of three musicians before they disappeared again.

 “omg please don't poof out again.” You said almost out of breath

 The boys looked at you like you were crazy before the guitarist jumped off the bar counter, bursting with energy.

 "Wait, you can see us?"

 “as much as when mister "all eyes on me" made his performance”, you were pointing your head at the blond boy.

 The group looked at each other in puzzlement and Reggie finally spoke, his blue eyes full of mischief.

 “So…hi there cutie, how can we help you?”

 Your face expressed disgust and you stuck your tongue out mimicking vomiting.

Luke gave Alex an amused smile, seeing Reggie flirting and your spontaneous reaction. The bassist couldn't help but charm the pretty ladies.

 “Wow Reggie, that's gross ... you're my brother.”

  Reggie burst out laughing at your response, not noticing that you called him by his first name when he hadn't even introduced himself to you yet.

 “Yeah right, for sure. You just could tell me you weren’t interested. But I’m charming...”

 It was the first time he had been given such an excuse but you looked so serious that he stopped dead in his tracks as Luke and Alex watched you. They always knew Reggie had a sister. But the scene unfolding before their eyes seemed impossible. (Y / N) was so young when they died and now must have been around 28, something like that. But the girl in front of them was a teenager, their age. How was this possible?

 You didn't want to drop the information like that. It was worse than anything you could have imagined. But it had escaped you. Now he didn't take you seriously. Your eyes were wet with tears. It was scary to find you in front of your brother for the first time as a ghost teenager. Luke looked panicked when he noticed your eyes, squeezing Reggie's shoulder as you seemed to beg.

 “Can I ... can I meet you in a quieter time please, Reginald?”

 Your brother's eyes widened as Luke's hug on his shoulder tightened a bit. The eagerness and desperation in your voice had made both boys react, Alex was just looking at all of you like all of this wasn't real. The use of Reggie's name made him tense, surprised. Few called him Reginald. In fact, only his family, and the boys when they wanted to annoy him, called him that way. And although his nickname is obvious enough to deduce his

full first name, he deeply felt that you weren't just anyone.

  He seemed a little panicked and looked around for his friends to support him. As if the solution would fall by itself just by the presence of Luke and Alex.

 “Okay, but I want Luke and Alex’s there! What about tomorrow? I’ll give you the address!”

 Wow, that was quick.

 “hm, yeah, yeah sure, as you want”

 You nodded and Reggie silently slipped a note to the drummer. Alex took a pen, write something on a paper towel and gave it to you. You weren’t surprise, you also can make some tricks. And you just had the time to thanks them before they poofted again.

 …

 The next day, you landed in front of Julie's garage. Lucky she's at school because you shouldn't be explaining your presence, so she managed to see you the way she saw boys.

 Before entering, you peeked out the window and frowned. There seemed to be only Luke so far. He was leaning over the piano, his head in a notebook. Your body went through part of the garage door and you cleared your throat.

 “hmm, hi ... i came to see Reggie ..”

 Luke instantly raised his head and you caught his attention.

 “oh uh, hi! He should be here soon, come in.….”

 Silence felt as Luke motioned for you to sit on the couch. It was a rather pleasant studio; the plants gave a warm atmosphere to the room and the music set sent you good vibes.

 "Does your girlfriend mind that I'm here? I mean, that seems to be your HQ"

 "girlfriend?"

 "The girl you sing with" I simply said.

 "Julie? Um, yeah, she's not my girlfriend. She-sh-she’s great and we have this powerful connection but…not, not in a romantic way. Music tied us. Music and friendship "

 Luke chuckled lightly as he scratched his head. You were surprised they weren't dating. Yesterday the tension was intense. He seemed authentic when he had continued his momentum. You let out a smile amused by so much overflow.

 “It's okay, I don't need to know your full relationship statute or your social security number.”

 The guitarist gave you a frank smile, his eyes twinkling with amusement. For a ghost, his gaze was really alive.

 “ I’m Luke, by the way”

 "Y / N… Re .."

 "Reggie's little sister… I-I remember you a little."

 "You look familiar to me. Maybe I saw you in a few pictures with Reggie."

 Silence fell and you started to feel anxious. Maybe it was a bad idea? You had grown up since Reggie died ... were you still his little sister after all? Luke seemed to notice your dismay and put a comforting hand on your knee.

 “hey, is something bothering you?”

 “What if he doesn't believe me ... if he definitely thinks I'm not his sister.”

 “Let's be honest, it's a little hard to believe. The last time I saw you, you were three years old.”

 It was as if the memories flooded into your mind and let you carried away in your words.

 “Yeah, you gave me this teddy bear with a guitar and told Reggie you wanted to be my favorite.”

 Luke chuckled slightly before staring at you, speechless. He seemed dazed. This anecdote dates back to twenty-five years anyway. He himself had a hard time remembering it until you said it a few seconds earlier.

 “what was the smell of the stuffed animal?” he asked, confused about that funny fact

 “sorry, what?”

 “the plush, what did it smell like?”

 “hot waffle, why?”

 “okay ... maybe you are his sister ... tell me more about what you remember”

 You looked at him with a puzzled expression. Everything had been so natural before he stopped in all the movements. And now, it was hard to think about for the memories you had of Reggie on demand. The teddy bear given by Luke story had slipped out of your mind without you realizing it. As your brain seemed to boil, the fog of your thoughts cleared.

 “can I use your guitar?”

 “hell no ... why?” Luke exclaimed with far too much anticipation

 “I have this lullaby stuck inside of my head ... I think Reggie sang it to me when I was a child”

 Your pleading and desperate gaze fell on Luke who categorically refused to let you take his guitar. He ends up grabbing his six acoustic strings, terminated. There was something about you that made him weak.

 “Maybe you can teach me but ... my guitar is my guitar, nobody touches it.”

 You nodded and the lead singer moved closer to you. You were stunned by its smell, like a distant memory. Luke had definitely been a part of your life before he died, you were sure of that. You leaned over her shoulder, humming the lullaby that was left in your head. It didn't take long for him to find the right chords. Luke continued several times before you stopped singing, looking at him intently.

 “that's exactly it ... this lullaby”

 You both looked at each other, an indecipherable expression in your eyes. You both jumped at the sound of the garage door. Reggie appeared with Alex.

 "Ready to compose hellish songs! oh did I interrupt something?”

 "No, no I was there to see you. I guess you have a lot of questions."

 "hell yeah, can we start from the beginning?"

  You smiled to approve his request. The boys settled down on the sofa, while you sat down on one of the single armchairs. And the flow of questions began

  “When are you born?”

 “(your birthday date) 1992” you simply answered.

 “What’s your name?”

 (y/n) (y/m/n) Peters

 It’s seemed to convinced a little Reggie but doubt was all over his face.  It was information you could easily get on the internet nowadays.

 “What’s my favorite food?”

 “Pizza, mom said your favorite was the extra cheese with pepperoni”

 “And what was my favorite toy?”

 “I freaking don’t know, how can I suppose to known that?”

 “ah ah!” he pointed the finger at you, as if that answer was proof that you were lying. It broke your heart but you didn't show it.

Instead, you rolled your eyes and Reggie kept going to ask you some question. Of course, you would have liked to have answered his questions correctly. Your mother told you some anecdotes about him but not to the point of knowing all the details.

 “What’s the most terrible thing I said to my mom?”

 “Omg I don’t fucking know! I was 3 when you’re died, asshole!”

 Luke smiled when you exploded. Reggie was Reggie, as weird as possible. Now you were angry and desperate. Your brother didn’t believe you and he kept dragging you into this miserable feeling that you were never going to get your brother back. You had spent your short life living with a faint memory of him. Your blankie was one of his t-shirts, his voice reasoned in your head when you couldn’t sleep.

But then, in front of him, you were a stranger to him. Your heart was bruised from not being able to hug him and to finally meet this brother who had left far too soon.

 “Okay, okay… So, how can you proof me you’re really my sister?! “

 In the room’s corner, Luke looked at you, you looked desperate, about to cry again. He grabbed his guitar and cleared his throat. Reggie turned to him as the guitarist still had his eyes on you, a heartwarming smile hanging across his face. You had managed to convince him in a few minutes. He felt connected to you and the things you told him were disturbing. You could only be Reggie's sister; it was impossible otherwise.

 "Hey…What about the song you told me earlier." he said with a soft and comfort voice

 Your eyes caught his gaze, grateful for the initiative. You nodded and Luke started playing the few notes you had taught him a few minutes earlier. It was so different from all the songs the brunette could play before. It was a lullaby, such easy children's music with just a few notes.   Of course, the band wasn’t supposed to play when Julie wasn’t in the room but, Luke had thought it was the best thing to do to encourage you to keep going. He didn’t know why, but he wanted Reggie to believe you. Luke believed you, hard as nails. There only had to look at your eyes to understand this reality, and Luke had noticed that. You had the same blue eyes as your brother. How could Reggie still doubt that? You started to sing

 You're so sleepy

Very much sleepy

You want to go to the fairyland

You close your eyes

And jump into your dream.

When you'll wake up

I’ll still be on your team.

 The instant Reggie heard the first notes, he knew. But hearing you sing the lullaby he had invented for you when you didn't want to sleep as a child, was a magical moment. You were his baby sister. He gave you that sad little puppy face, so overwhelmed. Reggie opened his arms and you jumped into a hug, so glad he finally accepted the fact that you were his sister.

You felt oddly safe again, like taking a nap in Reggie's pile of old t-shirts. You were so happy to find your brother and to be able to live your non-life by his side. Nothing would be as boring as it used to be. Reggie pushed you away with a concerned look

 "but wait ... how did you die?"

 "Yeah ... I don't really know ... I was at a really, really good rock concert and I bought this drink ... and I think I got drugged up there and ... I guess I'm dead? tadaa " you tried to tell him in a light tone.

He had just learned that he had a little sister. He didn't have to know that she was sneaking out at rock concerts and drinking alcohol before she was old enough. Right? Alex looked at Luke and Reggie with his half amused half confused smile. As for Luke, he fidgeted from foot to foot at the discovery. Y / N was as much rock and roll as they all were. Rebellion had to be his middle name

You loosened Reggie's embrace and lowered your head, pursing your lips so as not to show your embarrassment. He asked if you wanted snacks and you nodded. There was a slight silence. You didn't notice the urgent look Luke gave Alex but the next moment the blond jumped up to accompany the bassist, leaving you alone in the garage with the lead singer.

 The silences were a little longer until Luke cautiously approached you. You could feel the awkwardness from miles away.

 “ Sooo, you made this.”

 “ yeah ...” you answered in a shy voice

 It was the moment you had to thank him but your words seemed frozen. You mustered all the courage to plant your gaze in Luke's eyes.

 “Thank you ... for helping me earlier.”

 “oh it was nothing”.

 “I ... yes, yes it was. You can't imagine how important seeing Reggie again is to me. Thanks for ... for helping me open his eyes.”

 A slight smile caught his lips and he reached for your cheek before stopping his gesture. Instead of stroking your skin, he simply put a section of your hair back behind your ear.

 “I would do anything for my best friends.”

 And Reggie was definitely one of Luke’s best friend. You hardly swallowed, your stomach contorting under the effect that the guitarist made you. Time had seemed to fly at an incredible speed as the moment was interrupted by Reggie and Alex coming back to you.

 “OMG LUKE DON’T FLIRT WITH MY SISTER, SHE’S 3!”

 You cleared your throat and stepped aside to pull yourself away from Luke as far as possible. Your gaze fell on your brother and you raised an eyebrow at the last remark. 3 years old, really? You were 3 years old twenty-five years ago ... now you were eternally a teenager

 “I’m seventeen.”

 “Listen, i'm your big brother, you’re three, end of discussion.”

 Your face wanted to laugh and you pursed your lips to keep from succumbing. But your eyes… Your eyes met Luke's in a complicity that slowly settled. Could you fall in love with your big brother's best friend? Definitely yes...

[meetthetank]

Cruciamen Chapter 10: Order of the Devoted

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/M, Other Fandom: NieR: Automata (Video Game) Relationships: 2B/9S (NieR: Automata), A2/A4 (NieR: Automata) Characters: 2B (NieR: Automata), 9S (NieR: Automata), A2 (NieR: Automata), A4 (NieR: Automata), Emil (NieR: Automata), Kainé (NieR) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, genre typical violence, On the Run, Monster of the Week, 9S is a half demon, 2B and A2 are shapeshifter Dragons, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smut in the future, inaccurate depictions of medical procedures, Fantasy Biology, A2 is Nonbinary

The first thing A2 notices is how soft the surface they’re sleeping on is. It reminds them of times as a hatchling when they would nuzzle into their mother’s downy feathers, safe and sound while they slept. Something is draped over their body too, just as gentle. For the first time in a long, long time, they are content and unafraid for their safety.

The next thing they realize is that this is not where they lost consciousness, and all of the warmth in their body rushes away, replaced by icy gripping fear.

Their eyes fly open and they sit upright, ready to fight their captors to the death and escape their prison. They expect to see a pit of rotting mud and meat, or a dank cellar of stone. Instead, they find themself in a small cozy room, complete with a mirror and dresser opposite of their bed. A quick scan around the place reveals nothing out of the aggressively ordinary beyond a plate of fruits and other, strange foods that A2 has never seen before.

They don’t lower their guard yet. If their time in the Bog has taught them anything it’s that horrible things can be waiting in every shadow. The soft bed and heavy blankets might be comfortable, the room itself might be bathed in warm sunlight, the foods beside them might smell inviting, and they might not feel like they’re on death’s door anymore… but it could be a trap or an illusion or a horrible dream. Any second their surroundings could shift back to the prison pit, or they could be hallucinating, on the brink of death while some Bog animals gnaw at their limbs.

… They stare around the room for a few minutes. Nothing happens.

Somehow, waking up in a safe and comfortable room is the most unbelievable thing that’s happened to them, in their mind.

A2’s stomach roars, and suddenly they remember that they haven’t eaten in… gods, they don’t know how long. They look over at the plate of… things, on the small table. There’s a bunch of small purple fruits hanging from little vines in a pile, a block of pale yellow stuff, something that looks in between the color of flesh and the writing paper humans use to record things, a cup of warm water, and a couple of bottles of odd colored liquids. The pale colored food has the shape of an oblong rock, but sags when they press their finger to it. Its outer shell crackles enticingly, but they turn their attention to the plants instead. At least they know that the purple orbs are fruits. They pluck one off the vines and roll it between their fingers for a moment. It’s somewhat firm with a thin skin around it, broken where it was connected with what reveals a soft flesh inside that drips with juice. They cautiously sink their teeth into a small portion of one end which explodes in their mouth.

A2 decides they like these purple fruits, and gulps down the rest of them in seconds, followed by the soft yellow block and crunchy but also soft paper colored food. All of it tastes strange, but pleasant. It isn’t as good as fresh kill, but it quells the hunger that gnaws at their gut. The darker portion of their mind chastises them for eating things that could very well be poisoned, but A2 doesn’t care. They’re fed for the first time since going into the Bog.

The sink back into the bed, full of strange new foods and ready to fall back asleep. However just as they begin to get comfortable, their body begins to itch. They groan and drag their nails against the focal points, mainly their thighs and shoulders, to find them wrapped in tight bandages. They hold their arm up to inspect, finding only clean white wrappings and the stink of some sort of chemical. It smells a bit like fermented berries but less sweet. Carefully they pick at the bandages on their elbow, unwinding them bit by bit once they find the end stuck between two layers. As the final layers start to unravel, their arm begins to sting and feel like their skin itself is peeling off. Sure enough, they pull back the last layer to find raw, red skin. Skin, not scales. Portions of their scales stick to the bandages, flake off when the bandage is removed, or cling to their skin by the smallest thread of mucus.

A2 puts the bandages back on as tight as they can.

Suddenly the wooden door to the outside world flies open and in steps a woman with black robes with a mess of curly black hair tied back. She’s much shorter than them, most likely coming up to where their chest would be, and either well fed or muscular under her robes. Probably both, if they had to guess. A2 freezes in place as they watch her cross the room with a ceramic pitcher in her hands. The woman’s green eyes widen when they meet A2’s

“Oh good!” she says, her voice warm and kind. A2 recognizes it as the same voice they heard just before passing out in the Bog. “I didn’t expect you to be awake already.”

They don’t respond. The woman keeps watching them as if waiting for them to say something. A moment later she clears her throat and approaches A2’s bed. They can feel their hair--now much lighter than before--bristle even though this woman doesn’t appear to be a threat.

“... My name is A4. I’m a nun in the Order of Devoted. I’ll be taking care of you while you recover.”

Still A2 remains silent, their eyes never leaving A4.

“You must have some questions. I know it can be scary waking up in an unfamiliar place, but I assure you this is the safest place you can be in this region.”

The only form of movement A2 gives in response is blinking when necessary.

“... You’ve been unconscious for about two and a half days,” the nun begins as she pours the water into a smaller cup. “You were in a very poor state when we found you, but our holy magic has been sufficient in helping you regain your strength.”

She sets the cup on their bedside table. “Unfortunately you seem to have contracted an illness from spending so long in The Great Bog, and it’s not one spells can fix. Bog Rot is something that requires the old medicines. Regular herbal baths, cleaning of infection sites, various salves, and-”

“I don’t need your help,” A2 snaps, brows knit tightly together. They try to look as intimidating as they can, despite how pathetic they feel wrapped up in blankets and bandages.

A4 smirks. “Ah, so you can speak. For a moment I thought you couldn’t or didn’t understand my language. But I’m sorry, you need treatment-”

“I’m not a charity case,” they growl.

The nun’s eyebrows shoot up in shock, but then she puts her hands on her hips and scowls, though her emerald eyes still hold kindness. “I don’t think you understand how serious this disease is. You-”

“I. Don’t. Need. Help.” A2 leans forward and snarls, baring their pointed teeth at A4.

For a split second there’s fear on the nun’s face, a brief flash of pallor across her face. “Yes, you do. This is only the beginning stages of the Rot. Your skin will start to become necrotic. You won’t be able to walk, stand, or even clean yourself. One by one your organs will rot away and shut down. Within a month you will be clinging to life while your body rots from the inside out.”

They scowl, but A4’s little sermon does strike a cord in them. They cross their arms over their chest and stare holes in the floor. Somehow wasting away in a sickbed is a worse fate than starving to death in a mud pit. Unlike in the desert with Emil and Kaine they’re in no condition to assist with anything, so repayment is out of the question for now.

Gods, they hate being stuck like this.

“Look,” A4 says, her stern expression falling into one of genuine concern. “I can tell you’re strong. Most people would have succumbed to the Rot and the pain. I’ve seen many warriors fall into torpor after a mere week, yet you remain conscious and alert. You’d be free to leave once you regain your strength, if you wish.”

A2 chews at their bottom lip as they think, still scowling at the floorboards.

“... Fine,” they huff. “But I’m not letting you wash me. And I can take the medicine myself.”

A4 lights up with a radiant smile that makes A2’s chest tighten. “Great! I’ll leave fresh bandages and salves for you on your table every day. You have to change them each morning or if they get too dirty. The salves will sting a bit but they will prevent further infections. Oh, and exercise is important to the recovery process as well. Helps combat muscle wasting. So I’ll be helping you walk around the Convent grounds every mornin-”

“Like hell you are,” they snap, “I’m not a dog-”

“The walks aren’t negotiable.” A4 doesn’t even look at them as she gathers up old sheets and clothes. “End of story.”

A2 sits back in their bed and scowls, once again, at nothing. Just before A4 leaves their room, they realize something of theirs is missing.

“Where did you take my sword?” It’s a question in technicality, but A2 says it like a command.

“Your sword?”

“Big, black iron blade. Has a…” A lump catches in their throat. “... A black feather on the grip.”

“Oh! Yes, we did recover that from the village.”

“Give it back to me.”

She sighs. “Weapons are not allowed in the medical wards, but…” A4 looks towards the door like a child sneaking treats from under their parents noses. “I can take you to it while we’re on a walk.”

A2 feels a growl rumble in their throat.

“It’s safe, I promise. I won’t let anything happen to it.”

There’s an air of sincerity around the nun that lends credence to her words. That, and A2 simply doesn’t have the energy to press the issue further.

“Mm…” Is all they respond with.

A4 nods, then shuts the door behind her, leaving A2 alone with their thoughts. They sigh and stare up at the ceiling, wondering why the world won’t let them die.

[secndlife]

noooooooo i swore i wrote smth out agshdkdkf--

WAIT. PAUSE. I REMEMBER. I WAS WRITING YOUR ASK ON MY PHONE AND THEN THE APP CRASHED HAHAHAHAHA (fml)

well, anyways, fave goses are don't lie series, but also for some reason, the ad genius one was so funny to me??? the playground one is good too tho 😭 their little skit where they brag to each other!? IT SENDS

also your song selections??? *CHEFS KISS*

okay there was a new mission, so here we go:

first of all, fire sign supremacy baby 😤 on a completely unrelated note, i saw your sims(?) layout for the mmf couple. and i lost it when you pointed out hoshi v mc's set up LOL the laptop!? plz i was cackling!!!!!

anyways, new mission time, so here are some semi-random questions :D

1. what are your top 5 fav svt choreos?

2. kiss marry kill: jeonghan soonyoung seungcheol

3. would you rather go into a tiger's den w soonyoung? or plant rice all day in a paddy w vernon?

4. if you could cast svt in a movie, which movie would you cast them in and what roles would they play? (doesn't have to be all 13 members!)

forgot to sign off again (i am not good at this anon thing LOL)

- 🍳

HIIIII BUB pls tumblr is acting out it's just so bad i've been writing my asks for my anon somewhere else then i just paste it bc it saves the trouble!

ok lemme add a cut hehe

don't lie goses are superior !!! soonyoung on the second one pls he is CRAZY I CANNOT!!!!!!!! i haven't watched ad genius yet im so late on goses 😢😢😢 maybe i'll find some time this weekend! AND YES THE PLAYGROUND ONE I LOVE IT SO MUCH especially bc they all bully mingyu and i think that's so funny even tho i feel bad for him aksdakjfsjfk

YES FIRE SIGN SUPREMACY!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥 we're simply the best

YES IT'S A SIMS LAYOUT i'm so happy you saw it when doki and i were like done with it i couldn't stop staring and laughing because it's just SO FUCKING FUNNY like mc has a legit grown up set up like plants and candles and a laptop and an extra monitor and all that shit. and then. soonyoung. literally just the laptop and A TOY!!!!! and the rug (which was a gift from mc hehe). like i think it captures them soososososo well aksdajkdashakjfh it's not pretty but it's literally them and i loved everything about it and sorry for the rant i was just so excited about that layout asjdjakaksd

OK LET'S GET IT

for choreos

1. falling flower: who does it like her? no one. absolutely amazing. breathtaking. unbelievable.

2. home: ok i'm probably being biased but the door thingies are just so good to me and it just makes my heart so warm

3. thanks: THE CHOREO FOR JEONGHAN'S FIRST PART i think that's just so pretty and well put together

4. call call call: POWERFUL QUEEN idk it just makes me hyped and i love everything about it!!!!!

5. don't wanna cry: there's something about how idk gentle? and sensitive? and yet so poweful this chore is to me and urgh!!!!

ok kiss marry kill this was HARD bc if i'm being biased it's easy but if i take everything into account like HOW WELL we would get along then it gets hard

bc like cheol is #1 husband material out of all these BUT we would fight way too much. and soonyoung has the most kissable lips. so i got torn but

kiss: cheol (c'mon sir let's make out in the closet of a frat party)

marry: soonyoung (i can't we would have too much fun and we're really a good match for each other cof cof mmf)

kill: jeonghan (my enemy, are we surprised ????)

ok the tiger den x rice planting. THE THING IS ! none of these are too appealing for me askdjakshjad like the den is so fucking scary and soonyoung would be too excited so he'd just leave me scared and alone ! and rice planting is not my vibe at all i'm like The city girl aksdasdajdh so this was actually hard. but let's go with rice planting with vernon bc he's fun and it wouldn't be so bad

LASTLY THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!! and it tingles my writer senses ! ok so i'm not gonna do all just the ones that speak to me the most:

cheol would be great as the leading man for an action comedy movie? kinda like killers? dunno if you had watched it but it has the athetic side that he can deliver and also the romantic comedy side

jeonghan for me suits a movie like made of honor? this "i'm too good for a relationship vibe but then i fall in love with my best friend and she's about to get married fuckkkkkk". i think this dynamic is great for him. or also anything that would go for e2l KAJDAKDHADKJH

joshua can cast literally any movie he is so idk shapeable? but i mostly see him as mc's best friend? like literally the best of friends

jihoon 10/10 leading a musical. or maybe a role like kelsey in hsm? AKKLAJSDKADJ

seokmin pls go for a romantic comedy and be the cute charming neighbor that gets the girl in the end

mingyu HE CAN DO SOMETHING LIKE NO RESERVATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! god i love that movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

minghao maybe some new indie stuff like those b&w movies that have a very deep and substantial plot and that talk about darker things in life

ok yeah that's my take it's 10 am so maybe my brain isn't working the best yet BUT!!! pls share your thoughts who would you cast also your favorite choreos !!!

oh and i always forget about signing off too askdjakjdhs twins once again !!

[hwheat2021]

April 20 The Oodnadatta Track

Australia is a land full of wonders, with layers and layers of history - a place for discovery. Its forests and gorges are its cathedrals and its precious weathered rock art and ruins, its museums and libraries. Majestic River Red Gums mark the wide river courses which are more often than not dry beds of stones, sand and huge boulders but which, when at flood, cover huge tracts of land. Water! The essential ingredient to the stories of this mostly sunburnt land and which is central to this little story, a story about a small part of our wide brown land, the Oodnadatta Track.

Beneath this iconic outback track lies one of the world’s largest aquifers, the Great Artesian Basin which covers more than 20% of Australia. The Track crosses the traditional lands of three Aboriginal groups - in the south the Kyani people, to the west the Arabana people and to the north the Arrente people. The desert which today we know as the Simpson Desert, has three different names depending on location and is guarded and tended by these traditional groups.

A string of springs runs right through this part of the country, outlets from the deep artesian reserves. Knowledge of the location of these life-giving springs has been passed down by the traditional people of the region for 10s of 1000s of years and they have shared it with explorers and settlers alike warning them that “it isn’t the straightest route but it’s the only one if you are to survive.”

The Track is 600 odd Kms long and we have travelled it a number of times never tiring of its many faces.

The staggering enormity of Lake Eyre-Kati Thanda which lies to the north of the Track, is mind blowing and the rivers that feed the lake cover a further area of 1.2 million square Kms. Mostly it and Lake Eyre South (pictured above) are dry salt lakes but we have seen water in the southern lake from the Track a number of times. We have even walked to the edge close to the water - or more exactly as close as we could before getting totally bogged almost up to our knees – a little scary actually.

But the springs - we had stayed at and explored Coward Springs but I was keen to explore the mound springs dotted along the track and first on the list were the Wabma Karabu Mound Springs. It was like driving through a moonscape getting to these springs; this is extensive salt pan country.

It was rather unbelievable seeing raised water pools in this arid landscape; the first spring is ‘Blanch Cup’. The springs are home to amazing creatures like isopods which seem to be from another world but there are also a few varieties of land snails and fish that live in these pools. The ripples in the second pool are caused by the water bubbling up – this spring is call ‘The Bubbler’. Amazing!

Strangways Springs NW along the Track are within a heritage and conservation area. On the right is one of the last of the original telegraph poles that carried the essential line to Darwin along this line of springs; the pole is supposedly made from native cypress pine which is termite-resistant. Incidentally Anna Creek Station is the world's largest working cattle station.

This is the ‘track’ we followed as we explored Strangway Springs; the stones, we think! Here it was clear but elsewhere it was a bit of a guess. We walked about 6ks and it was pretty ‘warm’.

This is Sedge Spring, one of the mound springs at Strangways. The ledges of this small rocky spring indicate the original depth of the pool and are very fragile. The overflow from the pool creates a trickle of permanent water supporting the sedge community; the sedges are typical of many mound springs. Springs like this in this area are rather precious as many are no longer gurgling due to the number of bores that have been sunk. But they still sustain some precious life out here.

Some of the mound springs were rocky and high and Lindsay just had to climb them to see what was on top. Sadly most were extinct.

On the bottom of the pool at this spring, you could see little craters of sediment created by the bubbling spring. This spring was fringed with the small sedge, Cyperus laevigatu.

I couldn’t leave this post without sharing a few pix of plants I found – in the most unlikely and seemingly hostile environments flowers bloom. Left is a Harlequin Mistletoe, a bright flash in a parched environment. Top right is Frankenia a small grey-green mounded ground-cover with sweet little pink flowers. It is common near springs and other saline areas. I found it atop one of many extinct springs at Strangways. Lower right is samphire which grow in saline areas inhospitable to many other plants. Small birds eat their fruit.

Wandering the mound springs that day made for a pretty special birthday - starting in Coward Springs and ending at William Creek. More anon …..

[frangelic999]

Resident Evil Time

As we all know, Spooky Season began on August 1st, as it does every year. Skeletons began to emerge from the earth, and we all joined together to help along the slightly unripe ones with just a knuckle bone sticking up out of the lawn. Pumpkins rolled down into town from the foothills, snuggling into piles of radiant leaves as they awaited their new, temporary keepers. Here on the west coast of America, ash began to fall from the sky, as it does every season of ash, and we all went out to frolic in the ash as we gasped for air in our newly toxic Zone. It never rains in California, except when it’s raining ash. As such, around August 1st I began my quest of playing every mainline Resident Evil game, and a couple of spin-offs. What follows is the book report that I wrote on this experience.

Resident Evil is a series that’s been on my radar in one way or another as far back as 1996, when I was a kid, but I never really took a very close look at it, or wanted to, until I played RE7 in 2019. My oldest memory involving this game is wandering Blockbuster with my older brother looking for a game to rent. Another kid was there, also with their older brother, and the little kid suggested Resident Evil, but the bigger kid sagely declared “Nah, the controls are bad,” and they left it at that. I don’t know why I remember this, but I do, and my general feeling about Resident Evil was negative, I think because I had played the demo and didn’t like it, due to the fact that it’s not really designed in such a way that a kid would like it much. My first actual experience with the series, outside of that, was playing Resident Evil 3 in 1999. At the time, I loved it, but I was 12, and wouldn’t have been able to articulate anything about why I liked it other than “cool videogame, Jill pretty. Jill me.” I also played RE4 and RE5 around the time they came out, and I enjoyed them as fun action games, but still didn’t think much of the series or really care about survival horror. My other experience with the genre pretty much only extends to Alan Wake, Dino Crisis, and Dead Space, all of which I played so long ago that I remember almost nothing about them. What kind of monsters does Alan Wake fight? Couldn’t say. Could be anything, really. I remember the main character of Dino Crisis, Regina. She had red hair. Regina pretty. Regina me? Strangely enough, wanting to play the role of formidable, independent, resourceful, attractive women in games was a running theme in my formative years. What could this possibly mean? We may never know. But anyway, I was very excited to go on this journey into the survival horror franchise, and one of the most iconic franchises of all time. It had its highs and lows, but it was well worth it, and I emerged with a newfound appreciation for the design and appeal of survival horror games. The intention here isn’t to give a full, thorough analysis of these games or a breakdown of every aspect of them, but to compile my various thoughts on them, so it’s more of an opinionated overview than a deep dive. 

Resident Evil (1996)

It’s actually really hard to place this game when making a tier list, due to the simple fact that none of these other games would exist without the conventions Resident Evil set. It was groundbreaking, and literally invented a genre. At the same time, it's impossible for me to not compare it to other, better games, because I have knowledge of the rest of the series. It was an experiment for Capcom, and it shows in the game's rough edges. It feels like it had good ideas that didn’t always live up to their full potential, due to some combination of inexperience, available hardware/software, and questionable implementation.

RE1 is... not very good at being scary. It does its best, but it's a fairly early PS1 game. I think a lot of this has to do with the atmosphere and graphics. Visually, it’s just kind of ugly in that early PS1 way, and the color choices are dull and lack cohesion. For a horror game taking place in a spooky dilapidated mansion, it feels a little too bright, and I’m guessing it has to do with the fact that no one really knew how to make darkness convincing on PS1 at the time. But it’s not entirely the PS1’s fault this game is ugly, as you can see from RE2 and RE3 being not ugly. The color choices and backgrounds just aren’t especially lush or interesting.

I don't really need to go into the voice acting and writing of this game, due to their status of legendary badness. The live action cutscenes are unbelievably cheesy and almost impossible to watch with a straight face. The live action ending where Jill and Chris hold hands as they fly away in a helicopter is incredibly dumb. If you correctly chose Jill as your main character, it just seems incongruous that after fighting her way out of a deathtrap of horrifying creatures, she's now laying her head on the big strong man's shoulder. It’s bad, but fortunately the game isn’t entirely bad narratively. It was surprising, in a game from 1996, to see the in-world documents scattered around that add to the narrative, telling you what's really going on and adding detail to the broader strokes of the story. This is a thing that's ubiquitous in games now, AAA or otherwise, and I'm wondering if this game helped to establish that facet of games. RE1 has a simple story of evil corporate experiments gone wrong, with the driving force behind everything the player/character does being escape from the mansion, and this simplicity really works in its favor. As we shall see in later RE games, convoluted stories don’t really lend themselves all that well to horror. 

If you look at other games released in 1996, there are a lot of fast paced action games, like 3D platformers and first person shooters, as well as RPGs, and it's clear this game was something different. It has that slow, methodical play that makes survival horror feel unique. The feeling of not knowing what's waiting for you behind the next door, but knowing you have to go anyway, and that balance between surviving and solving puzzles to progress. The backtracking and item hunts, the interlocking paths and puzzles, the environmental storytelling and documents, the sense of isolation, it's all here in the first game. Some players may not find inventory management thrilling, but it’s a key part of these games, and it’s mostly done well in the good ones. Inventory management and item scarcity are a big part of what actually captures that feeling of “survival horror.” Since items are needed to progress, your inventory is directly tied to your progress, and at its best this forces you to make tough decisions about what you really need to carry and by extension makes you play more conservatively and prioritize avoidance. At its worst, it forces you to go back to previous areas for no reason and wastes your time while hurting the pace of the game, which RE1 is only guilty of at one point toward the end. The more weapons and ammo you have, the less room you have to do the work of actually progressing in the game through item-based puzzles, so you often have to sacrifice some of your lethality to progress smoothly. There’s a fine line between giving the player too many resources and too few, and almost all good survival horror games walk that line very well. It's also just thematically appropriate that your character isn't able to lug around a hundred pounds of gear. The open-ended nature of exploration, or the illusion thereof, is also an important aspect of survival horror. In good Resident Evil games, you usually have multiple doors you can choose to open, multiple potential paths, and feeling out which one is right, and which places are safe to travel, is a big part of the game. That exploratory feeling of gradually extending your reach and knowledge of the place you're in, knowing how vulnerable you are but also knowing you have to keep going deeper, gives the player a much greater sense of agency than more linear horror experiences.

All of these good design elements are firmly established by RE1, but they're just not executed as well as in future Resident Evil and survival horror titles, and by today's standards, playing it can feel like a chore. I think it certainly deserves a huge amount of credit for establishing almost everything that's good and defining about survival horror. There were earlier horror themed games, and I'm sure there are online people who'd be strangely invested in arguing that it's not the first survival horror game, but Resident Evil was clearly something new, different, and more sophisticated. It feels like a beginning, a rough draft, but it established something special. In some ways, I feel like RE1 has actually aged better than a lot of its 1996 contemporaries. Not in terms of controls, visuals or voice acting, heavens no. But, in terms of things like a focus on atmosphere, good pacing, and elegant, focused design, much of it still holds up today.

-Monster Review Corner-

These are the monsters that started it all. Zombies, undead dogs, hunters, Tyrant, and the absolute classic, a big plant that hates you. And who can forget the most forgettable monsters, giant spiders? The enemies themselves aren't especially exciting, but honestly, they work very well for the style and slow pace of this game. The deadly mansion full of the living dead is a classic horror setting. Things like Hunters and Tyrant seem pedestrian by series standards now, but they would have been a surprise in a zombie game in 1996, and Hunters are terrifying when they first appear. Overall monster score: 7/10

Time to complete: 5:46

Games were shorter overall in 1996, but the short game length is another survival horror trait the game established, and that brevity is a trait I really appreciate about this series and the genre as a whole. 

Resident Evil 2 (1998)

I feel like I’m going to be using the word “better” a lot. RE2 is immediately more cinematic than its predecessor, which is a good thing. It’s an important element of establishing tension and atmosphere. All the best horror movies, in my opinion, have smart and artful cinematography behind them. I’m not going to say Resident Evil 2 has masterful cinematic direction, but it’s a vast improvement over the previous game. Gone are the super cheesy FMV cutscenes and the atrocious voice acting. The voice acting here isn't great by today's standards, but people do talk mostly like humans! This must be due to the fact that it was the first time Capcom ever outsourced voice acting to a studio outside of Japan. The writing is also much, much better. The soundtrack is much more atmospheric, and even the save room music is better. Visually, the game looks so much better. Character models are more detailed and lifelike, and backgrounds are much more detailed, colorful and cohesive. I vastly prefer the character designs to those of RE1. They’re very 90s, in a fun anime way. Even the portraits in the inventory screen look way better. Even the story and the documents you find are more well written and interesting, and Umbrella is established as a more sinister and far-reaching presence. 

RE2 gives you separate campaigns for Claire and Leon that are similar, but different in some major ways. Rather than being a super long game, it has a short campaign that can be replayed multiple times with different characters for improved ranks, unlockables, and short bonus levels. I actually really like this kind of replayability, as opposed to the much more common type of replayability of modern games, which is just making the game 100 hours long and filled with boring sidequests, trinkets and skill points. This is  partially because I inevitably burn out on that kind of game, even if I like it (Horizon Zero Dawn, Breath of the Wild) and never finish the game. Super Bunnyhop has a whole video (“Let’s Talk About Game Length”) about the advantages of this game’s style of replay value which is worth a watch. I’m much more likely to rank a game among my favorites if I’m actually compelled to finish it. I’m always annoyed by how persistently gamers thoughtlessly complain about these games (or any game for that matter) being too short. Gee, maybe that has something to do with why 4, 5, and 6 all feel so bloated and outstay their welcome. Funny how the three most recent games in the series that brought it back from the brink of total irrelevance are all under ten hours in length.

The level design feels less haphazard and boring than RE1, but retains the satisfying sense of interconnectedness that the original mansion had. The balance of the game is good, and it feels dangerous without ever feeling unfair, like all the best RE games. Distribution of healing items and ammo feels right - I rarely felt like I was in serious danger of running out, but I always felt the pressure to conserve ammo and remember where healing items were to pick up later. This game is also a sterling example of the kinds of boss fights that work in survival horror. Rather than being reflex tests, boss fights are more a test of how smartly and conservatively you’ve been playing. If you’ve saved enough powerful ammo by playing well, you’ll have no problem with boss monsters, and there’s also the alligator fight, which, if you were paying attention to the area you just traversed, can be ended with one bullet. 

Overall, it’s a huge improvement over RE1 in every way imaginable, and a genuinely good game even by today’s standards, if you discount the cheesy voice acting and dated cutscenes. I finished RE1 in two sittings because I wanted to get it over with, but I finished RE2 nearly as fast because it was hard to stop playing. This is where the series came into its own, and RE2 feels like the beginning of the series as we know it today, while RE1 feels more like an experimental rough draft.

-Monster Review Corner-

This game, overall, has some great monsters. Fantastic monsters, and this is where you’ll find ‘em. First, we’ve got your classic zombies. Classic. We’ve got your zombie dogs, two for one deal. We’ve got some evil birds who inexplicably burst through a window one time. Okay, decent. Giant spiders, boooring. But then, here comes a new challenger! It’s lickers, one of perhaps the most iconic Resident Evil monsters. These nasty wall crawlin’ flesh puppies have got exposed brains, big ol’ claws, razor sharp tongues and a complete lack of sight. Due to this last fact, you can avoid them by being very quiet, which is extremely survival horror. Lickers are great. RE2 also has a giant alligator, which even the RE2 remake team thought was too silly to include in the remake (but to the great relief of everyone around the world, he made it anyway). Personally, I love the fact that they brought the classic urban cryptid, the mutant sewer gator, into the RE family. RE2 also has a Tyrant who chases you around in the second scenario. He’s just Nemesis before Nemesis. There are also big plant monsters who look like walking venus fly traps, totally rad. And finally, all of the G-Mutation designs pretty much set the stage for the monster design of all future RE mutants, including Nemesis. They have this alien, body horror feel to them that’s become a hallmark of the series. Overall monster score: 10/10

Time to complete: 5:06

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis (1999)

RE3 has a darker tone than RE2, a lot of quality of life changes, and the terrifying presence of an unstoppable Nemesis. It’s a more combat oriented game, not in that combat is more complex, but in that there are more weapons, more ammo, faster zombies, and in comparison to the two previous games there are more times where it’s safer to kill enemies than avoid them. Jill can also dodge and quick turn. Dodging is fine, and quick turn, was an excellent addition that’s been in every RE since then, minus RE7. It’s a very good game, but the fact that there are fewer moments of quiet exploration and puzzling detracts from the variety of the game and makes it feel more one note. It definitely feels more like an action movie, not just in its increased amount of fighting but also in its story beats and cutscenes. I think it’s important to make a distinction between the style of this game and RE4/5/6, in that those are action games with light or nonexistent survival horror elements, while this is a survival horror game with action elements. I played the game on hard mode, because this game only has hard and easy mode. Hard is essentially normal, it's what you'd come to expect from the series, and easy mode is easy and gives you an assault rifle at the start. 

The titular Nemesis is such a great way to change up the Resident Evil formula. The first time you encounter him, he kills Brad in a cutscene, and you run into the police station. You think he’ll just appear at certain times during cutscenes and maybe a boss fight, but then a little while later he bursts through a window and chases you, and he’s faster than anything encountered previously in the series. That’s when it becomes clear that you’re going to be hunted, and from that point on Nemesis is in the back of your mind at all times, injecting an undercurrent of paranoia into every moment of methodical exploration. Although, I do have complaints about Nemesis, too. If you’re familiar with the series up to this point, his appearances are undermined by that very knowledge. What I mean is that if you played the first two games, you start to get a sense of when events or attacks are going to be triggered in Resident Evil, and that makes Nemesis much more predictable. You start to think “whelp, it’s about time for another Nemesis attack,” and then he shows up. Also, the first time you’re actually supposed to stand and fight him is an awful boss fight, and the first really bad boss fight in the series. The game’s dodge mechanic is finicky and hard to time, and it’s an important part of winning the fight, at least on hard mode. He’s basically a bullet sponge, which is not interesting. 

Something that I like about three is it really expands on the setting by giving you lots of details about Umbrella and their relation to Raccoon City. You learn that not only have they infiltrated the city government and police, but a lot of the city's infrastructure was funded by Umbrella donations. You also learn that they maintain their own paramilitary force and are a far reaching, international corporation. Umbrella is really fleshed out as a more robust and powerful organization here. 

Another unique aspect of this game, that’s never been in another RE game, is the “choose your own adventure” system. Nemesis will be after you, and you can choose between two different options, such as running into the sewers or hiding in the kitchen. You have a limited time to make these choices, and they have positive or negative outcomes, but never outright kill you, as far as I could tell. It’s kind of neat, and an interesting way to change things up occasionally, but not especially important. 

Overall, this is an excellent Resident Evil game, though a good deal less original and groundbreaking than RE2.

-Monster Review Corner-

Honestly, most of the monsters are fine, but nothing to write home about. Nemesis is the star of the show, which you can already tell by the fact that the game is named after him and he’s on the front cover. He’s like the cooler, better, more deadly version of a Tyrant. Nemesis score: 10/10

Time to complete: 5:32

An Aside About Puzzles

I’ve been trying to figure out how to articulate what I like about the puzzles in this series, and this seems as good a place to put these thoughts as any. I get that not everyone likes the puzzles in this series, and that many of them can only be called puzzles in a very loose sense, but I think they add a crucial ingredient to the games.

The thing is, if they were more complicated or difficult puzzles, they would take up too much screen time, they would overpower the rest of the game, like too much salt in a dish. There are a lot of them where you have to follow riddle-like clues to figure out what to do, but they're all pretty easy. There are a lot of item hunts that boil down to finding item A and bringing it to point B, or combining item A with item B and using the result at point C, and I remember plenty of jokes over the years playfully lampooning this facet of Resident Evil. But, while playing through these games, I found myself dissatisfied with the view that these item hunts and simple puzzles are stupid, or bad game design. Because really, what makes these games good is not shooting or puzzles or atmosphere or good monsters, but all of these elements working together in harmony. It seems like the more harmonious that balance, the better the Resident Evil game. All these little parts make up the whole. The puzzles aren't hard, sure, but they aren't meant to be. They add an element of sleuthing and a sense of accomplishment and progression that would otherwise be lacking, and which could easily slip into frustration if they were any more difficult, and detract from the overall experience. If you just went around and shot at monsters and opened doors, it would be missing something big, and it would be a much poorer series. If you need evidence of that, may I direct you to Resident Evils 4 to 6. Without that exploratory feeling, without that aha feeling of figuring it out, it would feel bland. "If I use this item to open this, then I get this thing and I combine it with this, it frees up space in my inventory, and now I can take them back to the spot I remember from earlier because I was paying attention and taking mental notes, and I can open this path..." I'd argue that this feeling of things clicking together neatly, of attentive and methodical play paying off, is integral to the series and to the entire genre it spawned. The whole game is a puzzle that you’re figuring out, and things like item juggling, map knowledge, and carefully leaving enough space in your inventory are a part of that puzzle. 

The puzzles in the series are more representational than what might usually be called a puzzle. The item lugging, inventory swapping parts that I remember being maligned at one time are more akin to piecing together a jigsaw puzzle, but those pieces are scattered across a monster infested, carefully designed, difficult to traverse map. What made RE7 feel so much like a revival of Resident Evil, despite it being a first person game that looks and feels very little like its predecessors, was returning to this approach to game design. It was a polished and well made return to the principles that made survival horror popular. The fact that Capcom brought back all those often complained about puzzles and item hunts, and slashed the current idea of game length to ribbons, returning to the roots of the series, and then those games being so highly praised, feels so right in part because it feels like the developers are saying "look, a lot of you were totally wrong about what made these games good."

Resident Evil - Code: Veronica (2000)

To me the most immediately noticeable thing about this game is Claire’s embarrassingly early-2000s outfit: high rise boot cut jeans, cowgirl boots, a short-sleeved crop top jacket, all topped off with a pink choker and fingerless gloves. I don’t think I’ve ever seen character design that so perfectly encapsulates the time period of a game’s release. It’s bad, and the game only gets worse from there. 

I really tried to like Code Veronica, at first. But after playing RE1-3, saying it's underwhelming is putting it lightly. I honestly don't think I have a single good thing to say about this game, and it's possibly the worst mainline Resident Evil game ever made (RE6 being the only thing that might take that crown of trash in its stead). It's pretty much not possible to take Code Veronica seriously in any way, especially not as a horror game. The visuals have no sense of darkness or atmosphere and manage to look much worse than the old pre-rendered graphics, the puzzles are uninspired rehash, the enemies and bosses are irritating, the character designs are a particular type of early-2000s bad, the voice acting is insufferable, the story is asinine, and the game is full of the bad kind of backtracking. It's not entirely the game's fault it's ugly, it's a product of its time, but it's weird to see in retrospect because it looks worse than RE3 from one year prior. Previous RE games had bad voice acting, but this is the first one where the voice acting makes you want to turn the game off. 

Up until this point, the storylines of Resident Evil games were very simple. Evil corporation caused chaos with a virus, get out alive. There are details scattered throughout about how the city and government were being paid off, but that’s the gist of it. Code Veronica is where the lore of RE starts to get convoluted and sometimes very dumb. I won’t go into all the ways the story is bad, but suffice it to say this is definitely when Resident Evil jumped the shark, and it paves the way for the stupidity of RE4. It also uses the “mentally ill people are scary” horror trope, which is perhaps my least favorite horror trope. The villain for most of the game, Alfred, has *gasp* a split personality and thinks he’s also his sister. Of course, at one point Claire calls him a “crossdressing freak.” I’ll just leave it at that. Of course nobody who writes this kind of thing bothers to do any kind of research into the mental illnesses they use as story crutches. I feel like I need to mention the voice acting, for Steve and Alfred particularly. Steve sounds like he walked off of a middle school campus, and Alfred sounds like your local community theater’s production of Sweeney Todd. They’re both absolutely atrocious and make the game that much more annoying to play. Claire’s acting is about what you’d expect from a Saturday morning cartoon of the era.

As though the fact that it's a bad game visually and narratively wasn't enough, it's also badly designed, not much fun to play, and way longer than the previous three. The game’s map, at least for Claire’s portion (most of the game), is divided into multiple small areas, each with one path leading to them, so you have to go over these paths repeatedly once you’ve retrieved an item from a completely different area, and it makes for a lot of very tiresome backtracking. The series always had backtracking, of course, but never over such long, samey stretches of space. On top of this, there are tons of blatantly bad design choices. To name a few:

-The hallway you have to traverse multiple times containing moths which poison you and respawn every time you leave and are really hard to hit on top of being a waste of ammo. It’s hard to see how they were unaware that this is bad since they also leave an infinite supply of poison antidotes in the same room

-The fact that there’s no indication whatsoever that you should leave items behind for the next character you have to play, which left me struggling to even be able to kill enemies as Chris

-Multiple times where in order to trigger progress you have to look at or pick up a certain thing, not for any logical in-game reason but just because it triggers a cutscene. One of these makes you look at the same thing twice, and I wandered around not knowing what to do for a while before checking a walkthrough

-More than one save room that contains no item box, when this game asks you to constantly juggle items and repeatedly travel long distances with specific items

There’s more, but I don’t want to write or think about this bad game anymore. This game is a slag heap that deserves to be forgotten, and I hope it’s never remade. Something I find really disappointing about Code Veronica is that the setting is ripe for a good Resident Evil game, but they botch it. It takes place in two locations, a secret island prison run by Umbrella, and an antarctic research station, both of which I can imagine a great RE game taking place in. I guess, really, the best thing that can be said about Code Veronica is that it’s a survival horror game. They didn’t totally stray from the principles that made the series good, they just implemented those things very badly, in a very stupid game.

Time to complete: who knows, I quit near the final stretch of the game. The internet says it takes about 12:30, which is far too long.

REmake (2002)

I played the remake first, and it’s the only game I played out of order, because when I started I had no plans to play the entire series. It’s a remake that fixes everything wrong or dated about the original while keeping the things that made it good, and I would say it’s the definitive version of the game and the one that should be played. 

Visually, a lot of it looks very good, and uses darkness much better than the original. I like this game’s high def pre-rendered backgrounds, because it’s like looking into an alternate reality where pre-rendered graphics never went away, and just increased in fidelity. I actually really like a lot of the backgrounds in this game. Pre-rendered backgrounds have their shortcomings, but I think they can play a role in horror games. They give the developers total control of how things are framed, and framing/direction are a big part of what can make things ominous or scary in horror movies. You can do this to some extent in games with free cameras, but without nearly as much control. I think over time the popular consensus became that pre-rendered backgrounds are inherently bad, but I think like any style of graphics they have their pros and cons. The late 90s Final Fantasies are great examples of how pre-rendered graphics can be used to frame characters and events in certain ways.

The strongest suit of this game is that it really feels like a horror game, and avoidance is encouraged over combat due to scarce ammo and healing. The pace is slow and thoughtful, the mansion is sprawling and claustrophobic, and even one or two zombies feels like a threat, especially before you find the shotgun. Even after that, shotgun shells are fairly scarce. Like the original, combat mechanics are intentionally very simple and limited, though this one sees the introduction of the defensive items that return in the RE2 and 3 remakes. One thing I really like is that if you kill a zombie and leave their body, without decapitating or burning it, it will eventually mutate into a fast and powerful zombie, and these are genuinely threatening to encounter. You constantly have to make decisions in this game about what’s more important, immediate safety or conserving ammo. The fuel that’s used to burn corpses is limited, and can be used strategically to eliminate threats from frequently traveled areas. It’s a great idea for a game mechanic, but in practice, I rarely did this, because inventory is so limited that it didn’t feel worthwhile to use two of my eight slots on a lighter and fuel. Another nice added horror element is the fact that doors aren’t always safe. You’ll hear monsters pounding on doors, see them shaking, and at multiple points they’ll be smashed open when you thought you were safe.

A lot of the ideas that made this game good and the original good are ideas that were returned to in RE7, the RE3 remake, and especially the RE2 remake, and a big part of what made those games so successful. 

Time to complete: 10:15

In my opinion it ran a little too long. It takes almost twice as long as the original, and I feel like the added areas pad out that length rather than improving the game. Even though I think it’s a very good game, it started feeling like a slog in the last few hours.

Resident Evil Zero (2002)

After Code Veronica, it was initially refreshing to feel like I was actually playing Resident Evil again and not some subpar knockoff. This one feels a lot more like classic RE, and in its slower pace it’s most similar to REmake or the original trilogy. I played the HD remaster of RE0(which changes nothing but the graphics) since it's the one I own on steam, so I can't speak to the original GameCube graphics, but the art direction itself is vastly better, and it creates an atmosphere that's perfectly Resident Evil. Highly detailed backgrounds, with rich dark colors, old paintings, dusty bookshelves, soft clean lighting, marble and dark wood, wind-rustled ivy, shadows and rain, creep dilapidated industrial spaces. The HD remaster is gorgeous, and one of the best looking games in the series.

This game adds two major new mechanics: playing as a team of two and swapping between characters, and the ability to drop items anywhere. Character swapping is an interesting gimmick, made more of a curiosity by the fact that it will probably never be used again in a RE game. Often it's pretty neat, but just as often, it's an annoying chore. I like the idea of controlling two characters, but I don't think what they attempted to do with it was entirely successful, and could have been better with a couple of simple changes. Ultimately all the inventory management required feels like more trouble than it's worth, especially since you have to carry weapons and ammo for both characters. Between inventory management and swapping off-character actions, I found myself in the inventory screen a lot more than in previous games. It seems like they could have alleviated these problems with more inventory space and buttons for switching off-character actions. Most of the time it ends up feeling like a chore to manage two characters and two separate inventories. In theory, the ability to drop items anywhere adds an element of player choice and planning, but in practice, I just found myself missing the item box that allows you to access the same items from different places.

This game is fine for the first hour or two, but ends up getting more and more frustrating the farther you get into it. After playing about half the game, I started feeling like I'd be having a less terrible time on easy mode. I died in it a lot more times than in any previous game. The combination of really irritating new enemy types and all weapons (even the grenade launcher) feeling underpowered means there are multiple enemy encounters where you're just forced to lose health. This wouldn't be so bad if there were enough healing items around, but there aren't. Every enemy in the game, even a basic zombie, feels too bullet sponge-y. I repeatedly found myself with very little ammo and no healing items, so in a lot of situations I would just die, and reloading with the foreknowledge of what rooms would contain felt like the only way to progress. Managing the health of two characters, one who has very low health, makes it that much harder. I played through all of the previous games on normal difficulty (RE3 on hard) so I know I'm not imagining the spike in difficulty. It's possible they wanted to make this game challenging for series veterans, but if that's the case they missed the mark, because part of what makes a good RE game is excellent balance of difficulty. In a good RE, you always feel like you're facing adversity but still progressing, and you really don't die all that often if you're being careful and using the right weapons for situations. In RE0, you just die a lot to frustrating video game garbage and feel irritated that you have to reload and repeat content. To make matters even worse, aiming feels weirdly sticky in this game and movement feels clunkier than previous games for some reason.

Just like Code Veronica, this game has a premise that seems like it should excel as a Resident Evil game, but it misses the mark. With the new mechanics, it feels like they were struggling to think of ways to further refine and reinvent a series that was getting a little tired. I love the formula of the first three games, but I can understand why after six games following that same formula, with a lot of very similar in-game occurrences and puzzles, they wanted to move in a different direction with RE4. This game feels like it's floundering, attempting to reinvent the series while being chained to the same rules, and though I have mixed or negative feelings about the next three games, it feels like the series was in dire need of a total overhaul.

-Monster Review Corner-

Whoever designed the monsters in this game thought that giant animals are absolutely horrifying. Giant bat, giant scorpion, giant centipede, giant roaches. There are also guys made of leeches, and they're pretty boring and annoying to fight, and it's hard not to find the way they move comedic. There are also hunters and your typical zombies. All in all, a lackluster offering of critters. Overall monster score: 3/10

Resident Evil 4 (2005)

Let's get the obvious out of the way: this game feels almost nothing like Resident Evil, and feels less and less like it the further into it you get. The devs made sure to do a lot of things that make RE4’s identity as an action game very obvious. It’s a game of series firsts: first in the series with an over the shoulder camera, first with weapon stats, first with such an abundance of enemies and weapons, first with QTEs, first where the primary enemies aren’t shambling zombies, first with currency and a merchant, the first where Umbrella isn’t the big bad, the first where you can karate kick and suplex enemies. It’s incredibly not survival horror. It might succeed as a 2005 action game, but it fails miserably at being Resident Evil.

I’m feeling generous, so I’ll start with the things I like about RE4. I really do appreciate that it’s a slower and more methodical action game than its contemporaries, and precise, thoughtful shooting is rewarded. I also like that the over the shoulder camera gives you a pretty narrow field of view, which makes it always feel like enemies could be lurking just off screen. This makes things more tense and is often used to surprise the player, especially in the early game. The almost identical perspective used in the exceptional RE2 and RE3 remakes shows that they weren’t off the mark with this element of the game’s design. However, in RE4 even this good thing is undercut by the fact that jarring, anxious combat music plays whenever enemies are anywhere nearby. The first 2-4 hours of this game, just about up to the Mendez boss, are actually a pretty good game, and provide most of the really tense and scary moments. Unfortunately, these opening hours aren’t really indicative of all the stupid shit to come. Something I grew to hate about this game is that it feels like it just goes on and on and on. It took me around 12 hours, which is short by video game standards, but long by RE standards. By the time I reached the end, it had long outstayed its welcome. Even in these early, decent moments, there was still stuff I hated, like the button mashing quick time events to run from Indiana Jones boulders, the garishly glowing item drops, the dumb kicks, the dynamite zombies.

The crux of a survival horror experience is the feeling of vulnerability, and this feeling is only scarcely captured in the opening few hours of RE4, when it’s still sort of pretending to be Resident Evil. But then, you keep getting more and more powerful, as you do in action games, you keep getting more and more weapons and upgrades and grenades and facing more and more enemies and bosses until it all feels trivial. It’s thoroughly an action game, and by the time you’re near the end, storming a military fort guarded by heavily armed commando zombies manning gatling turrets while you’re aided by helicopter support, it’s clear the game has entirely stopped masquerading as Resident Evil. On top of being a big stupid action game, it’s also extremely a video game. The glowing items that are dropped whenever enemies die, the tiny adorable treasure chests full of doubloons, the big garish video game markers for QTEs(and the most heinous kinds of QTEs: button mashing QTEs and mid-cutscene QTEs), the action movie window jumps and kicks, the cultists driving a death drill, Leon’s backflips, the dumb one-liners that scarcely make sense at times, a giant fish boss, a mine cart level. The absurd stupidity of this game never lets up, so much so that playing it in 2020, it feels almost like an intentional parody, which I know it’s not. 

The story is kind of silly from the start, and delves increasingly into the realm of asinine bullshit as it goes on, as though Capcom and Shinji Mikami sought out the dumbest ideas they could find. In RE2, Leon was a cop for one day during a zombie apocalypse, and now somehow he's working for the White House on a solo mission finding the president's daughter. It's quite the barely explained leap. One of my least favorite things in the narrative department is that Leon's voice acting and dialogue make him insufferable. The humble rookie from RE2 is gone, replaced by a heavily masculinized, aggressive, arrogant, misogynistic, backflipping action movie hero. We went from six consecutive games with women either as one of two playable main characters or the only playable character, with Jill Valentine in RE3 single-handedly destroying the most powerful BOW ever created, to a game where a gruff manly man is tasked with rescuing a literal damsel in distress, and has actual lines like “Feh, women” and “Sorry, but following a lady’s lead just isn’t my style.” It’s atrociously bad, and I hate the character they decided he should be for this game. It also doesn’t even make sense, because why would he even have that attitude towards women after seeing what Claire can do in RE2? It’s a huge step backwards for the series. On top of this awfulness, the actual plot points are just increasingly unbelievable and imbecilic, in a way that totally undercuts any way in which the game could theoretically be frightening. At the end of the game, it’s not Leon and Ashley sitting in silence as they contemplate their harrowing and traumatic experience, it’s “Mission accomplished, right Leon?! Please have sex with me!” and then they literally ride off into the sunset on a jet ski.

At first I thought they were aiming to turn a beloved survival horror series into a big dumb action movie, which is partly true, but then I realized what they had really made: an amusement park. It’s divided into themed zones, like an amusement park: there’s a spooky village, a deathtrap castle, a haunted manor, slimy sewers, an underground tomb, a Mad Max island. There are little coaster cars with purple velvet seats that carry you through the castle, there’s a mine cart ride, living suits of armor, there’s literally a giant animatronic statue of Salazar you can climb around on, there are trinkets and treasures everywhere and a merchant always magically appearing to sell you new toys to make sure you don’t ever get bored or think too hard, there’s a lava-filled carousel room with fire-breathing dragon statues, a haunted house section, a shooting gallery, a cave full of monster bugs, a hedge maze, a tower of terror where flaming barrels are rolled down the stairs(and then you get to pull the lever to roll them!), there’s a crane game, an evil villain lair with a deadly laser corridor, there is for some reason a subterranean battle maze in a cage suspended over a chasm, and your whole visit to this horror themed wonder park culminates in a jet ski ride through a collapsing cavern.

I find it baffling, but "a masterpiece", "the best Resident Evil game", and “one of the best video games ever made” are actual ways I have seen this game described. Multiple reviewers called it the best of the series, and people continue to call it that. Gone is the tense, atmospheric, resource management based survival horror gameplay, the harmonious balance of puzzles, survival and action that made this series so beloved. It’s replaced with a theme park of homogenous action gameplay and an incredibly stupid story. In my mind, it’s not Resident Evil at all, and may as well have belonged to an entirely new series that’s continued in RE5 and RE6. Another oft repeated bit of unquestioned conventional wisdom about RE4 is that it “saved the series from itself,” which is strange given that it marked the beginning of a slump that lasted over a decade. But, who knows? Maybe Resident Evil had to undergo this kind of transformation and decline to ultimately produce the four most recent Resident Evil games, all among the best of the survival horror genre. If these bad mid series games had to come first in order for the latest four exceptional games to come later, then I’ll gladly suffer their existence.

-Monster Review Corner-

Another thing I actually like about this game is a lot of the creature design work. The Mendez boss fight feels like a Resident Evil fight, and his insect-like true form looks like a classic Resident Evil BOW. Verdugo and U-3, likewise, feel like classically inhuman RE creatures, and they’d be right at home in a survival horror series entry. Regenerators and Iron Maidens are genuinely terrifying creatures – or they would be in a survival horror game. Here, they’re just another enemy to mop up. The Plagas that burst out of enemies are a shock when they first appear, and look like horrifying hybrids of The Thing and facehuggers. The chainsaw men are initially one of the best and most horror-centric additions to the game, that is, until you get powerful enough to trivialize them and they stop appearing. At least in the first two hours, they’re legitimately scary due to your narrow field of view and the fact that they one shot you. But it seems like with each thing this game may have done right, there comes something that it did very wrong. Toward the end of the game, you start fighting stuff like the zombies with huge gatling guns, and it’s very dumb. I hate these military zombies, I really do.

Overall monster score: 6/10

Overall monster score minus the merc zombies and dumb robed cultists: 9/10

Time to complete: 11:28

By around the 8 or 9 hour mark, I was practically begging for this game to end.

Resident Evil 5 (2009)

When I started this, I thought I'd like RE4 more than RE5, but it turns out 5 is a much better game. It's a big dumb action movie, but it's a much better big dumb action movie than RE4, or RE6. The action is better, the graphics and art direction are better, the controls are better, the story, characters and dialogue are all better. It's too bad they just couldn't let go of the QTEs. It's a very good Capcom action game, but again, not a great Resident Evil game. It's much more confident as an action game than RE4, and almost entirely stops pretending its gameplay is about anything other than action, to its benefit. The combat is faster and more responsive, but still feels slower and more methodical than most action games. It’s just overall a significantly improved action game.

RE5 Chris is so much better than RE4 Leon. Chris and Sheva are a likable duo who feel like a typical RE pair and play off of each other well. The dialogue likewise has much more natural localization than most if not all previous games in the series. I don't really like how they gave Jill and Wesker Kojima character designs, and this bad aesthetic continues in RE Rev.

The files unlocked in the menu are actually kinda good, and this game expands and fills out the setting in some interesting ways, setting the stage for the Revelations games and RE6.

If you read the files, you learn what happened to Umbrella and how they shut down. What's nice is that the files and in-game story actually go into the ramifications of a world where BOWs exist and can be sold to people with various agendas. It's a world of corporations, NGOs, political subterfuge, and black market dealers making profit off of human suffering, where a whole international organization was created to handle bioweapon incidents. It's disappointing that with this backdrop, the game's actual story is ultimately reduced to a battle in a volcano to save the world from a supervillain. It's a very comic book conclusion.

I know they're infected with a monster virus, but the visual of black people as writhing, animalistic subhumans is, uh... problematic, to say the least. Also, the image of Africa The Continent as a land of dead goats, megaphone-shouting lunatics and rabid, violent crowds. Also the scene early on where some brown savages are carrying off a scantily clad white woman. At least she turns into a tentacle monster shortly after instead of being rescued. It's hard to deny that they probably chose part of Africa as RE5's setting due to the misconception of the entire continent being a war-torn land of petty dictators.

Some parts of the game are much better than others. Generally, the early game is good. The ancient city level is... pretty bad. And it culminates in a laser mirror puzzle that some version of would feel at home in an older RE, but here feels out of place and rhythm-disrupting. I wouldn't necessarily say the game gets really bad toward the end, except for the two consecutive Wesker boss fights. The boss fights against Wesker are both bad and pretty dull. You don't really want your climactic final battle against a longtime series villain to be so boring. I imagine it's a bit less long and dull with another player, like everything in the game. I've played this game in co-op and alone, and you're really missing something by not playing co-op. Sheva's AI can be very frustrating and many parts are clearly designed for two human brains. Overall, RE5 ends pretty fast, and wears out its welcome less than RE4. The biggest problem with RE4, 5 and 6 is that they totally lose the spirit of survival horror. Because of that, I don’t have much to say about the gameplay of RE5 other than it’s a pretty decent action game. If you’ve played an action game, you’ve seen this kind of game design before, and it’s just not all that interesting. 

Neither of the D LCs missions are especially good or interesting, but I want to mention them because they do show the beginnings of Capcom experimenting with the episodic formula that they'd continue with Revelations, Revelations 2 and RE6.

Lost in Nightmares sees Jill and Chris exploring Ozwell Spencer's sprawling mansion, and is meant to be a throwback to the old style of RE. Unfortunately it doesn't have the spark that made those old games good, probably because it was designed by the RE5 team. It mostly ends up just being an extended and unnecessary reference to the classic games.

Desperate Escape is essentially just another level of RE5, but you play as Jill. Since RE5 already exists and is a fine length, this doesn't really need to exist.

Time to complete: 9:17

Resident Evil: Revelations (2012)

It's very rough around the edges, far from the production value you'd expect from the series, and definitely not something I'd call exceptional, but there are some good things going on. It definitely does feel more like RE than 4 or 5, but still only kinda feels like survival horror. It would be no great loss if this game didn't exist, but it's an interesting experiment.

This game was originally made for 3DS, and it feels very inconsistent, in a way you'd kind of expect a spinoff game made for a handheld console to be. It’s split up into episodes that usually take around half an hour, and have you switching between characters, and the short length was meant to be tailored to a handheld experience. Usually each chapter starts with a sort of interlude related to the main story where you play as other characters in another location, then it switches back to Jill exploring the main ship the game takes place on. The bite sized nature of the episodes makes it feel easy to keep playing. Some parts of the game are very fun and flow well, and other parts are just dull or frustrating. The game feels like a confused mix of survival horror and RE5 style action, and between that and the constant character swapping and hit-or-miss dialogue, it feels like a game that’s not very sure of what it wants to be. The bulk of the game where you’re playing as Jill aboard the Queen Zenobia, a BOW infested ship adrift at sea, tends to be the strongest part of the game, and it’s a great setting that’s perhaps underwhelming due to the graphical capabilities of the 3DS. You end up in a similar setting near the end of RE7, also directed by Koushi Nakanishi, and it looks a lot better there, and does justice to the concept better. Like so many things in Revelations, it was a good idea, but a bit underwhelming in its execution. This period of Resident Evil was definitely a time of trying out new directions for the series. Revelations, RE6, and another spin off I didn’t play called Operation Raccoon City were all released in 2012. RE6 is bad, Revelations is okay, and by all accounts Operation Raccoon City is not all that good. After a year like this, it makes sense Capcom went back to the drawing board. 

The writing in Revelations is not great, and is sometimes suddenly better or worse, but I appreciate what they were going for with the rapport between characters. I also feel like this game messes up that classic survival horror feel of exploring an intimidating place alone. You're always with a partner and always switching perspectives, so it never feels like you're alone, and because of that switching you never even really feel like you're isolated from the outside world on the Zenobia. It feels more like a TV show storytelling technique than something that works well for survival horror. Part of what makes survival horror work is that atmosphere created by feeling isolated and vulnerable, and it doesn't really work when the game is always cutting away between chapters to show what so-and-so is doing elsewhere.

Most of the characters get Kojima style designs, which I'm really not a fan of. Previous RE character designs were always very grounded without being too boring, and included classics like Jill's beret look, Jill's blue tube top look, Claire's magenta shorts look, and Ada's red dress look. I’m really not a fan of the skintight suit covered in tubes, straps and gadgets style of character design. It feels very “anime Rob Liefield.” 

I appreciate what they wanted to do by telling a story in multiple perspectives, and how they did it to suit a handheld game, but at the same time I feel like it disrupts the flow of exploration and the atmosphere of survival horror. Revelations 2 does a significantly better job of telling a story in different perspectives. Revelations was pretty fun to play, and had some decent ideas, but it’s nothing I’ll ever return to. It would be remiss of me not to mention my favorite bad dialogue of the game, so here are all of the best lines:

"Sorry, I don't date cannibal monsters."

"Me and my sweet ass are on the way!"

“Jill, where are you?”

"I dunno. A room, I think."

"These terrorists must be brought to justice... blast it!" 

-Monster Review Corner-

They went for an “under the sea” aesthetic for the monsters in this game, so almost every monster is a variation of a bloated pale humanoid. It does have guys that are like walking mutant sharks with arms that are swords and shields, which I’m not going to pretend isn’t sick, but they really, really don’t fit in a Resident Evil game. Oops, wrong game, these guys were supposed to go to Etrian Odyssey. The only kinda cool RE monster is the one that’s like a nightmare mermaid with spiny abdomen teeth. Overall monster score: 4/10

Time to complete: 5:12

Random fact: this was the first RE game where you could move while shooting.

Resident Evil 6 (2012)

I’m not going to have much to say about this one. RE6 is bad in many of the same ways the Tomb Raider reboot trilogy is. Abandoning almost everything that gives the series its unique identity in favor of trying to make a game that will sell a lot of copies. Obsessed with QTEs and explosive, loud set pieces, and resentful of player agency. "No no, silly player, look over here. Move at this speed. Go this way. We know best. Now that's entertainment!" It's a game that desperately wants to entertain and impress, dragging you by the wrist through loud, brash, guns-blazing action campaigns that totally miss the point of both horror and Resident Evil. Most of the time it just feels like an arcade shooter, and you're expected to stick to the script so closely that it may as well be a rail shooter. It really does take away everything that makes survival horror special: it doesn’t have a slow pace, it’s not about exploration, you don’t feel vulnerable or isolated, there’s no sense of map knowledge or pathfinding, it has overwrought combat mechanics, there’s pretty much no quiet time, the atmosphere is more goofy than scary, and it takes forever to finish. Sometimes it feels like this game really wanted to be Left 4 Dead 2: the way campaigns are set up like movies, the special zombie types, the co-op play, the sprawling levels. Except the devs seemed to have no clue as to what actually makes Left 4 Dead fun. The producer said the idea behind RE6 was to create the “ultimate horror entertainment,” which perfectly explains why it feels so much like a bad movie you’re being forced to sit through. It’s bombastic and stupid like a Fast and Furious movie, but doesn’t even have the idiot charm of one of those movies. Resident Evil 6 is a long, forgettable and stupid third-person action game that doesn't even have the common decency to be fun. 

Time to complete: Who knows. I'd finish this game if someone was paying me to, but they're not. People say it takes over 20 hours, which sounds unbearable. 

Resident Evil: Revelations 2

Finally some good fucking Resident Evil. I was actually kind of surprised by how good this game was, something the mediocre Revelations didn't prepare me for. It's a very welcome return to a more survival horror style of gameplay. From the start, it's dark, lonely and atmospheric. You do always have a companion, but it's still mostly very good at capturing that survival horror isolation feeling. 

It does have a few holdovers from RE6, most notably sprinting, skills and dodging, but it's the same style of dodge as RE3R, which doesn't feel totally out of place in a survival horror game, rather than the over the top rolls and dives of RE6. It doesn't have any of the dumb combat moves or the pointless stamina gauge or the action movie bombast. Skills are mostly passive and have only a very slight effect on gameplay. To me, this is a good thing, but it also means there may as well be no skills at all. It feels like something that’s needlessly tacked on, as though they wanted to convince a certain subset of their potential audience that it’s not just a classic survival horror experience, or perhaps they were trying to make it feel more modern, or extend replay value, or all of the above. In any case, it doesn’t need to be there and I’m glad it has little effect. 

The game has a good deal of combat, but combat is simple enough to fit into a survival horror game. It would have been fine with less, but it's still fine, because it actually has things outside of combat, unlike 4-6, and lets you play, explore, and figure things out without a lot of overbearing guidance. A lot of the puzzles and navigation feel like classic RE, and it’s a great return to form in that regard. Sometimes it has a bit too much combat for my taste, but this is made up for by long stretches with few or no enemies, and it has those survival horror moments of exploration and puzzle solving to balance things out. 

This game does AI companions right, for the first time in the series. Moira and Natalia are both really useful, and I found myself wanting to switch to them almost as often as I wanted to play Claire and Barry. You also don't really need to babysit them because it's pretty hard for them to die and they’re good at following behind. There are multiple good segments of the game where your characters separate, and Claire or Barry need to cover their partner while they traverse a room to gain access to the next area. Unlike in RE5, though, you’re not required to have a second player to have fun during these parts, and I don’t think it’s even possible to play the game co-op. At first glance this seems like a missed opportunity, but honestly, if someone had to play either of the secondary characters full time, it would get boring very quickly. I think it was a necessary sacrifice to make the two character system work well in a single player experience. I really don’t mind, since I think of survival horror as a single player genre. As a result, it lacks both the painfully slow character switching of RE0 and the painfully stupid AI of RE5. 

It’s funny that just as in RE5, Rev 2 ends in two consecutive Wesker boss fights, but this time against Alex Wesker rather than Albert. Also, these Wesker boss fights are much better. The final boss makes use of the character swapping, and actually does it really well. Barry is running from mutant Alex through cliffside caves, and you switch between him and Claire, who’s in a helicopter with a sniper rifle. It’s very much a Resident Evil fight, in that it’s more about positioning and survival than it is about fast shooting or burning the boss down with damage. 

I also actually think this game has a good story for the series, but mostly what makes it stand out is the characters themselves. I also really appreciate the callbacks to previous games. It refers back to things from RE1, Code Veronica, Revelations, and RE5. Alex Wesker, who I think previously only existed in lore notes, is the villain, and the Uroboros virus of RE5 plays a small role. It makes nods to the larger mythos without being so convoluted that someone who doesn’t know everything about every game would have trouble following. The central story is easy to follow: you’re trapped on an unknown mastermind’s monster infested deathtrap island, infected with a virus that causes you to turn into a disgusting, mindless monster if your level of fear gets too high. I love their choices of Claire and Barry as the main characters. Claire being a beloved series staple, and Barry being an unexpected but surprisingly great choice. I also love how you play in two different timelines, Claire and Moira on the island six months before, and Barry and Natalia searching for them in the present. You travel through a lot of the same areas, but fight different enemies, take different paths and solve different puzzles. Rev 2 also has the most naturalistic character dialogue and acting the series has seen thus far. It feels like the rapport they were going for in Rev 1, but done better, and both pairs of player characters play off of each other well. I like that Claire takes a matter-of-fact, seen it all before approach to the situation, because she’s been through two different self-contained zombie apocalypses, while Moira the teenager is always cursing and yelling and basically saying “what the fuck,” and she really acts like I think a teenager might in such a situation. Barry, the dumpy old dude with dad jokes who came prepared with his dorky backpack and cargo pants, and the fearless 10-year-old girl Natalia, also go together well. By the end, I found myself actually caring about what happened to these characters.

Between Rev 2's gameplay, dialogue, and visual style, it's easy to see how it paved the way for the third-person RE2 and RE3 remakes. It was a very good move for the series, and I'm surprised it's not mentioned more often. Despite being a sequel to a spin-off, it was at the time better at being Resident Evil than anything since REmake, which came out thirteen years prior. It has its highs and lows, but it’s a big step in the right direction, and a good survival horror game. It’s not quite the same quality of RE7, RE2R or RE3R, but I really liked Revelations 2. 

-Monster Review Corner-

Honestly, the monster designs are one of the weakest parts of Rev 2. The principal zombie-likes are just these kind of blobby, gross dudes who run at you, sometimes while holding wrenches or other makeshift weapons. Most of the enemies follow the same pattern, kinda blobby humanoids that look like bloated corpses or conglomerations of body parts, and I find it pretty dull. There are also some generic RE dogs that for some reason have pig heads. I never hold zombie dogs against a Resident Evil game, because you can’t have a Resident Evil without evil dogs. I don’t make the rules. As you progress you just get bigger, meaner blobby corpse guys with different abilities. There are only really two exceptions that I find less boring than the rest: Glasps, and Alex Wesker’s monstrous forms. Glasps are invisible, bloated flying insectoids that instantly kill you if they catch you. In order to kill them, you need to switch to Natalia, who can sense them and point them out, then switch back to Barry to take your shot. They cause this weird vision effect when they’re near, implying that their invisibility is something they’re doing to your mind, which to me feels less out of place than physical invisibility. If you had asked me before if I thought an invisible enemy was suited to RE, I would’ve said no, but Glasps feel like a creature out of a STALKER game, and I like it. Alex's final form is classic RE, like the Tyrant or G-Mutation designs, but with more of a disfigured crone vibe. Her unnaturally long spiky spine and humanoid limbs give her a creepy marionette feel. The heavily mutated humanoids, like Nemesis, tend to be among the best RE monster designs. Before she injects herself with Uroboros and transforms, she looks like an ancient haglike being with the air of a hunched vulture, with tubes and staples and half her face peeled off, a victim of her own T-Phobos virus.

Time to complete: 7:45

A practically perfect length. It feels like a long and satisfying experience that's paced well and wastes very little of your time. 

Resident Evil 7: Biohazard (2017)

I actually played this game in early 2019, before I ever conceived of this journey through the series, and I was as surprised as anyone at Resident Evil 7 being a good game. An oft repeated sentiment among RE fans who dislike RE7 is "it's not Resident Evil." In my mind, that's a very strange thing to say, since it borrows almost all of its design principles from the classic trilogy. I think the negativity some people feel towards this game is a knee-jerk reaction to the first person perspective. I've learned that like any fandom, Resident Evil's is full of idiots who just kind of say things, and barely make any attempt to understand the thing they like so much. (Not to say everyone who's an RE fan is an idiot. People like Suzi the Sphere Hunter and Critique Quest on YouTube have plenty of insightful things to say. Your average video game comment leaver or redditor is just a "whoa, cool videogame" meme). RE7 brings back so many things from classic RE: a slow methodical pace, save rooms, a classic style map, limited inventory space, item boxes, emblem keys, limited ammo and healing, a small array of weapons, a relatively small number of enemies, a creepy isolated mansion, a lone protagonist, survival horror puzzles, a focus on exploring in order to escape, item-base progression, simple mechanics, a feeling of vulnerability, environmental storytelling, a relatively simple story, a harmonious balance of all these elements, and a short game length. Even the character switch at one point near the end of the game is classic RE. The design philosophy applied to RE7 is classic survival horror, through and through. This is so much the case that I noticed myself playing in a similar way to the classic era games. Checking my map to carefully plan the safest, most optimal route. Managing inventory for the least amount of backtracking. Making sure I checked every room as thoroughly as possible for useful items. Slowly making my way through a small but interconnected and well designed map. Feeling that sense of tension every time I opened an unfamiliar door. Getting absorbed in the atmosphere and taking my time. It's weird to say playing a horror game feels comforting, or cozy, but RE7 does, in a way. All of this isn't to say it feels just like playing the old games. It's a reinvention, rather than a re-creation, and I think that was the right route to take. 

RE7 is the first game to use Capcom's RE Engine, and it looks extremely good, especially its lighting. The one thing that doesn't look exceptional is the models for people and their movements and expressions. People move and make facial expressions in that weird video game way that never looks natural, and it's kind of impressive how far Capcom has come since 2017 in that department. This is greatly improved in the 2 & 3 remakes, which also both use the RE Engine. The first thing I noticed while replaying this game is how incredibly detailed everything is, including the sound design. You hear your character's slightly hesitant breath, his footsteps, the creaks and groans of an old house, and other muffled sounds that can't possibly be attributed to a house's age. All of the visual details let you imagine how every part of the Baker farm slowly fell into disrepair, the toll that multiple floods took on the place, and the gradual disintegration of a family's sanity and normalcy reflected in the physical dilapidation of the house. Like the Spencer mansion in 1996, the Baker property is as much a character as it is a setting. The return to a seemingly abandoned, sprawling house as a setting really helps establish that this is a return to form, a return to slow, creeping horror. The house is a shadowy urbex nightmare of abandoned spaces and black mold. The washed up tanker and the mines you explore in the game's final stretch aren't nearly as memorable or characterful as the house. RE7 succeeds in actually being scary more than most Resident Evil games. It's very good at being a horror game, but has all of the survival horror gameplay that makes the genre so satisfying.

The RE7 team wisely created a new narrative that’s almost entirely disconnected from the convoluted mythos the series has been building on since Code Veronica, but used the ending to leave the narrative open to that connection to the larger story. This, combined with the first person perspective, makes the game feel more intimate and more focused, which really works for it. It's really more a story about the house and its inhabitants, about Eveline, Mia, Zoe and the Baker family than it is about its protagonist, Ethan Winters. In my opinion, he's one of the weaker parts of the game. This series isn’t exactly renowned for its brilliant character writing, but he’s just kinda there, like American cheese. At least characters like Jill, Carlos, Ada, Claire, Chris, Sheva, Barry and Wesker are likeable and/or memorable in a video game character kinda way. Ethan feels intentionally designed to be the most unremarkable mid-30s white dude you could think of, almost like he's meant for a target audience, and he drags an excellent game down a little bit. Even Nemesis, the monster whose only line is "STAAAARRSs," is more memorable. They can really do better. So while I’m very excited to see what they do with RE8 after the quality of the last three games, I was disappointed to learn I’d still be playing as Ethan. I'm hoping they'll figure out a way to make him less lame. The other thing is, almost every RE protagonist is a member of S.T.A.R.S. or the BSAA, or someone who knows how to shoot a gun, so they at least have some explanation for how good they are at handling these situations. Ethan is literally just some guy who goes into a swamp to find his wife.

RE7 is at heart an amalgamation of a bunch of horror tropes and references, even references to the series itself, and yet it feels more like a loving homage to horror than a hackneyed rehash. Meet the family from Texas Chainsaw Massacre as you explore the mansion from Resident Evil/The People Under the Stairs and evade your wife who’s now a deadite from Evil Dead, meet the gross body horror man from From Beyond, shambling swamp monsters, an evil witch grandma, and the little girl from F.E.A.R. You also solve a puzzle from Saw in a serial killer’s murder maze. It's all bundled together and interwoven so well that it feels like something fresh and unique rather than horror's greatest hits.

Time to complete: 7:40

Like all of the best survival horror games, it ends right before it starts wearing out its welcome. The short length keeps any of its ideas from getting stale.

-Monster Review Corner-

There really aren't that many different kinds of monsters in this game, which I'm fine with. The principle zombie-likes of this game are slimy black sinewy humanoids called molded. Eveline, the bioweapon in the form of a little girl, is the cause behind everything bad that happened to the house and family, and she creates a black mold which infects those she wants to control, and which molded are made of. A lot of people think they're boring enemies, but personally I think they're perfectly suited to the setting of a dilapidated, water-damaged house that's being slowly reclaimed by the surrounding wilderness. The first enemy you actually encounter in this game is your wife Mia, who switches between normal Mia and evil deadite Mia. She also chops your hand off with a chainsaw, which is pretty fun. Jack is the Nemesis of RE7's early game. He's an unnaturally pallid middle-aged man who stalks you and has regenerative abilities which are later revealed to be... extensive. As you explore the house in the early game, you're always on edge because you know he could be lurking anywhere. In his later boss form, he's a bulging body horror monstrosity. Marguerite is another enemy who stalks you through the boat house with a creepy lantern. She creates bugs that attack you, so she's like a nasty bug crone. As a boss she employs hit and run tactics, lurking in the dark waiting for you, so slow and careful is the best way to fight her. Eveline is just the little girl from FEAR. No two ways about it. I'm honestly not a big fan of her, just because I kind of hate the creepy little kid horror trope.

Side note: I think this is the first game in the whole series without evil dogs.

Overall monster score: 7/10

Resident Evil 2 (2019)

To my taste, Resident Evil 2 remake might be the most ideal incarnation of Resident Evil that exists. It has everything that makes survival horror great, and it’s all implemented extremely well. Combine this with the gorgeous graphics and chilling atmosphere and you have a practically perfect survival horror game. It feels like the culmination of everything that worked in the series over the years, with the visual fidelity to do it justice. It’s a good remake because it does more than just faithfully recreate the original – it takes the best ideas from across the series. It has the methodical pace of classic survival horror, the backtracking and slow unlocking of new areas, the shadowy, eerie atmosphere of REmake, the highly detailed graphics and sound design of RE7, the item combining of RE3, Revelations 2 and RE7, the close over-the-shoulder view of RE4 and beyond, which notably feels like Rev 2. I’ve talked about how survival horror is a balance of things, and in that sense, RE2R is superbly balanced. Visually, it’s so detailed and nails the atmosphere so perfectly that it makes you want to move slowly just because it feels like you should. Moving forward feels foreboding. The way zombies look and move is scary, and lickers are terrifying. Narratively, it’s the same story but told better, and characters are much more human and believable than the original. Leon is just a regular dude, not the regular shithead he became in RE4 and RE6, and Claire is a great character. The Raccoon City police station is the strongest setting of the game, it’s all shadowed corridors, bloodstained walls and shattered windows. You really get the sense of it being a building that was formerly used as a museum, and the barricaded doors and aftermath of carnage everywhere help you imagine what happened as people fought for their lives, and lost, before you arrived. The sound design is extremely well done and detailed, which I never noticed until I played with headphones. (I wish I had paid more attention to sound design on this series playthrough. It can be an important part of survival horror). Gameplay is no slouch, either. Patient, precise shooting and tactical retreats pay off, and inventory management remains an integral part of progressing through the game. You eventually have much more inventory space than in the classic games, but it still never really feels like too much until right near the end of the game. Puzzles and item usage feel just how they should in survival horror. The Sherry and Ada portions, in Claire and Leon’s campaigns respectively, are both a nice change of pace and they’re short enough that they don’t wear out their welcome. 

Strangely, I don’t feel like I have much to say about this game, just because it so well embodies everything I’ve already cited as being good about survival horror. The police station especially is exceptional, in terms of atmosphere, map design, the layout of enemy encounters, methodical play, and balance. It’s very light on anything resembling fast paced action, and I love that. All in all, I think this is the most well-rounded and well-made Resident Evil game to date. It would be a great place to start the series, and a great way to show someone everything good about the genre. 

Time to complete: 

First run, Leon A: 7:49

Second run, Claire A: 6:39

Resident Evil 3 (2020)

Here are the common criticisms people have of this game, and why they’re wrong:

“It’s bad because they cut content from the original.”

First of all, these two are both excellent games, but they’re different enough to be completely separate games. Even the maps and the paths you travel through the game are totally different. Sure, it would be fun to see a clock tower area in the style of the remakes, but I’m not going to hold nonexistent content against a game, especially one that’s this good. If you want to relive RE3, it still exists. No one seemed to complain about how different RE2R is.

“It’s too short.”

It’s pretty much the same length as RE3, and it’s a fine length for a survival horror game. I like that the game is fast paced and concise, and this captures the spirit of classic survival horror. In this day and age I find short games refreshing, and brevity is a mark in a game’s favor rather than a mark against it. Also, when a game is short, I’m a million times more likely to want to replay it in the future. Case in point, this was the second time I played this game. If it took 20 hours, if it even took 10 hours, it would run too long. 

“It’s an action game, not survival horror.”

It’s more of an action game than RE2R, but even that is up for debate. I feel like throughout a lot of the game, you’re really not doing more shooting than you do in RE2R, and Jill isn’t really any more heavily armed than Leon or Claire end up being in that game. There are more boss fights, and more explosions, though, and by the end of the game you have a ton of ammo and resources, but they generally give you tons of stuff at the end of these games. I mentioned that original RE3 felt more like an action movie than the previous two games, and the remake is a lot better at being an action movie. It has a breakneck start where you’re almost immediately in a fight for your life against Nemesis as he bursts through the wall of Jill’s apartment and chases you through the streets, which culminates in the player ramming him off of a parking garage with a car. I’m normally not a big fan of explosive set pieces in games, but this one is really good and is great at setting the tone for the rest of the game. Just like the original, it’s more action oriented, but it’s just much better at action than the original RE3. I really wouldn’t classify it as an action game, like a lot of people seem to. Its pedigree and presentation are thoroughly survival horror, in my mind. Inventory management is an integral part of the game and most of the game has that slow survival horror gameplay. One thing I like less about this game than RE2R is that it has fewer puzzles. It’s not like it doesn’t have any, but they take a backseat, which is why I’d call it more action-oriented survival horror. 

“Nemesis doesn’t show up often enough.”

I really don’t know where this comes from, because I feel like if he showed up any more often than he already does it would get irritating and redundant. There are literally four separate boss fights against him, and multiple parts where he chases Jill around. How much more do you need in a five and a half hour game?

Now that that’s cleared up, on to other things.

The Resident Evil 2 Remake has a lot of noticeable similarities to the original version, but Resident Evil 3 Remake is basically a completely different game, and I honestly think that’s a good thing. Somehow, when you play the original RE3 in 2020, it feels more dated than RE2, and I thought RE2 was a better game. 

Back on the topic of action: this game does a thing video games do I don’t usually like, which is when the main character is often seen falling off of exploding things and staggering through corridors and burning buildings and thrown against cars and so on and so forth. Here, I don’t really mind it though, maybe because it’s not a long game and these parts take up little of its play time. It also makes the fight against Nemesis feel more immediate and tangible. It does often feel like playing an action movie, but it’s Terminator 2, not Michael Bay. Also, the bad Nemesis boss fights of the original are replaced with actually good boss fights. 

One thing I really like about RE3R is the way characters are presented. Jill and Carlos both feel like more relatable, human characters, with actual personalities, and this makes you much more invested in their fight to escape the city. They end up being two of my favorite versions of RE characters, and I hope we see them in future games, though I find that kind of unlikely. Resident Evil is really not great when it comes to consistency in characters. It’s a shame because I’d love to see a direct sequel with this version of Jill and Carlos. Apart from these two, even the rest of the cast are given a lot more character and feel human. 

The Carlos segment of the game in the hospital is much more atmospheric and interesting than the original’s Carlos section, and this one ends with a siege style fight much like the cabin fight of RE4. On the topic of RE4, this game has a document explaining that Nemesis was created by implanting some kind of parasite into a Tyrant, and the author of the document berates Umbrella for going the route of parasites due to their unpredictability. You also fight a few zombies in the game who were infected by Nemesis and grow alien-looking parasites on their heads. It can be assumed that this is tying the lore of these games in with the Las Plagas parasites of RE4 and RE5 and paving the way for the RE4 Remake. I think this is neat, even though I wish they wouldn’t remake RE4 on account of it being garbage. 

All in all, I really like this game, and it’s one of my favorites of 2020. It’s a very good survival horror game with tons of detail and character that can be finished in two or three sittings. I have pretty much no complaints about it other than the aforementioned lack of puzzles. It’s more fast paced survival horror, but it’s very good in it’s own right.    

Time to complete: 4:36 (2nd playthrough)

I don’t know the exact time of my first playthrough, but my old save file that’s right before the final boss was at 5:52. 

Final Thoughts

I feel like after playing all of these games, it should be asked: is the story of Resident Evil any good? The answer to that is… kinda, sometimes? But also no, not really? It’s often entertaining, scary, gory, tense and atmospheric in the way that a good horror movie is. It’s also a little silly, often in a charming way, like how you can always tell at any given moment that this setting is a Japanese interpretation of America. The story itself goes well off the rails by the time you reach RE4. I mean, you’re rescuing the president’s daughter from evil zombie villagers and space alien tentacle monsters and cultists and ogres and then the zombies get body armor and guns. (Let's just not ever talk about the story of Code Veronica.) But the story isn’t really the point, is it? I think the series is vastly improved because there is a narrative, and it just wouldn't be the same without it, but you won’t find anything too deep or meaningful in that narrative. The one saving grace is that a defining feature of the story is ultimately the fact that corporations and governments are evil and only care about profit, to the extent of sacrificing hundreds of people in multiple biological weaponry incidents. That aspect at least feels true to life, especially in the midst of a pandemic that neither our government, nor the extremely powerful corporations that exercise control over that government, are doing anything about. Umbrella is an international corporation that no one dares or bothers to oppose who maintains their own paramilitary force, has their own private prisons and research sites, and has their hands in every part of the government and infrastructure of Raccoon City and who knows how many other cities. The villain is always ultimately the unchecked corporation - even in RE7, the nightmare family that seems disconnected from the outside world is ultimately revealed by in-game documents to be directly linked to corporate experimentation.

In Revelations 2, as well as the new 2 & 3 remakes, the characters are at least likable and there’s nothing incredibly dumb like you’ll find in RE 4, 5 or 6. Some would cite the part at the end of RE3R where Jill uses a humongous railgun called the FINGeR (Ferromagnetic Infantry-use Next Generation Railgun) to kill the final form of Nemesis as something dumb, but they are wrong. The characters of RE2R, RE3R and Revelations 2 are likeable and human, so they seem to at least be going in the right direction in that regard. The storytelling of RE7, RE2R and RE3R returns to the more grounded approach of the original trilogy, which is a good thing, and I think a good sign for the future of the series and its setting. 

There’s something I’ve noticed about RE games, which might just boil down to my own personal preferences. In pretty much every game, you end up in an entirely new location in the final act of the game, and that last part is never as good as the rest. In RE2R, you spend most of the game in the police station, then go to the sewers (and the orphanage if you’re playing as Claire). For the last stretch of the game you end up at NEST, Umbrella’s secret underground lab, and this part is weaker than the rest. Likewise, the ship and mines areas in RE7 are weaker than the majority of the game, the lab in RE3 and its remake, the lab in REmake, even the last section of RE5. This isn’t to say these parts are necessarily bad, just that they tend to be worse than the rest. At the same time, I think they’re necessary changes of pace and locale. I think there are two reasons for this: one, the first locations of RE games tend to be very strong settings with lots of character, and two, it’s an an example of a problem all horror fiction faces, which is that the more you ramp up tension, the harder it gets to do it in believable and interesting ways. If horror goes on too long, situations become predictable and it loses its bite, and survival horror games are no exception. Ramping up tension and action necessarily compromises the things that initially make horror enjoyable, like slow and eerie pacing, the danger of an unknown threat, the vulnerability of character or player, and the slow unraveling of mysterious and fatal circumstances. At the same time, horror needs a final act, needs some kind of closure, otherwise the building of tension feels like it was for nothing and the story is unsatisfying. I have no idea what the solution to this is, except brevity, which good RE games are very good at. 

I liked a few RE games already, but playing through them all really made me realize I like this series more than I previously thought, and I like survival horror a lot more than I thought. The really bad and long mid-series slump that lasted about thirteen years can’t be ignored, but I really like more than half of the games in the series. It created an entire genre with a devoted following, and I feel like RE2R brought the genre back into the limelight somewhat. You can see the influence of the genre even on games that aren’t really in the genre, like Prey, Gone Home, Bloodborne, and Left 4 Dead. I’m really looking forward to playing through my list of other survival horror games. 

Things Resident Evil showed me that I love about survival horror:

-Slow paced, thoughtful gameplay. You’re rarely rushed, and action isn’t the focus. Generally there’s nothing dragging you along in a certain direction, forcing you to look at or interact with certain things. It’s up to you to figure out the way forward.

-An emphasis on exploration. This is tied in with the previous point. A lot of the fear and tension comes from not knowing what's through the next door or what will happen next, but knowing you have to explore to progress. These games have a lot of backtracking, a healthy sense of map knowledge and memory as a useful skill, and lots of item-based progression. As I mentioned in my note about puzzles before, the whole map feels like a puzzle to be solved.

-A feeling of vulnerability, reinforced by things like limited defense options, slow movement, scarcity of items, limited inventory space, and simple combat. This goes hand in hand with the sense of isolation usually found in survival horror games.

-Environmental storytelling. Setting details being revealed through documents, destruction, corpses, bloodstains, locales, and even puzzles. 

-They aren’t defenseless walking sims. It's on you to survive. Having a way to respond to threats, but not feeling like you ever have quite enough, is much scarier than being defenseless. It's because it's a game - mechanically, you know a game isn't just going to give you no defenses, then throw you to the wolves. Survival horror acknowledges its framework of video game, its limitations and advantages. It gives more of a feeling of success or failure hinging on your decisions rather than on scripted events. The player feels like they have more agency, even if it's not always strictly the case.

-Making use of silence, something games aren't generally good at. This ties in with quiet time, something I wish more games were aware of. That is, times when the player is just quietly left to their own devices, exploring alone, solving puzzles, reading notes. You're not in danger 100% of the time, which gives the danger teeth.

-Simplicity of play, or accessibility. These games generally don’t contain any difficult mechanics or concepts that need to be explained, have little need for tutorials, and are easy to understand and play. Things like difficulty settings, auto aim, and the assist modes seen in RE2R and RE3R expand accessibility too. I think difficulty goes in this category too. Honestly, most survival horror games aren’t all that hard, because if you died all the time, you’d get bored and frustrated. Survival horror games seem to actually want you to have a good time. Imagine that. 

-Mostly short playtime. A genre that's often good at not wasting your time. It’s very good for people without much time or people who like to actually be able to finish games and move on to other games, or replay games. It might sound weird, but also, sometimes I feel like really long games have something to hide under all that repetitive content.

-New weapons or abilities feel earned, because you generally go through a lot to get to them and they’re not handed out very often.

-A harmonious balance of elements. When a survival horror game is good, it elegantly combines all of the aforementioned traits.

RE Score Sheet

Endings where I flew away in a helicopter: 8 Crank or valve handles collected and turned: 16 Zombies or dogs or birds that burst through windows: 19 Object pushing puzzles: 14 Shaped indentations filled (including cogs): 71 Jump scares: 13 Puzzles where you configure shapes or valves or gears or numbers or lights a certain way: 18 Oversized animal types: 12 (Spider, Bee, Moth, Snake, Shark, Worm, Scorpion, Cockroach, Centipede, Bat, Salamander, A Different Bat) Rooms with monsters in tubes: 8 Gigantic mutant plants: 4 Times when it looked like a character died but they didn't really: 10 Secret subterranean labs: 10 Switches that change the water level: 5 Batteries/cables attached to things: 9 Clock towers: 4 Vaccines synthesized: 4 Self destruct sequences: 7 Helicopters shot down or otherwise destroyed right before they were used to escape: 6 Unique viruses: 9 (Progenitor Virus, T-Virus, G-Virus, T-Veronica Virus, Uroburos Virus, T-Abyss Virus, C-Virus, T-Phobos Virus, Mold Virus)

Resident Evil Tier List

Obligatory tier list disclaimer: tier lists are stupid and bad and fail to acknowledge the many nuances of things.

[nanciluke20]

All about the Gelato near me

The use of medical cannabis these days is contentious, and in recent years the American Medical Association, the MMA, the American Society of Addiction Medicine, and other medical organizations have issued statements opposing its use for medicinal purposes. In general, research says medical marijuana is safe and effective in controlling chronic pain, relieving nausea and vomiting associated with chemotherapy, treating wasting syndrome associated with AIDS, and controlling muscle spasms due to multiple sclerosis and epilepsy. Several studies have indicated that cannabinoids may prevent many types of cancers from spreading and growing, including pancreaticcancer, lung, leukemic, melanoma, oral, lymphoma and other kinds of cancer. A substantial proportion of oncologists support medical marijuana as an option for their own patients. A breed found in Mexico and Central South America. The sativa plant is tall with narrow, serrated leaves. It's THC - the psychoactive-inducing region of the plant - and the consequences are mostly on the mind and emotions. A strain found in Asia and India and grown in the United States. The plant is short and stocky. Indica's effects are mostly physical and some emotional, including relaxation, sedation and pain decrease. The effect in cross pollination of various strains. The effects are often more powerful than the original strain. Unlike many abused drugs, an overdose of marijuana isn't lethal, according to the National Cancer Institute. Although marijuana may be addictive for many, the capacity for forming a dependence on marijuana is lower than some prescription medication and other abused drugs. But, marijuana has unwanted effects. The primary psychoactive chemical in marijuana is THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol, among more than 60 cannabinoids (chemicals unique to marijuana). THC binds to cannabinoid receptors, which can be concentrated in areas of the brain associated with thinking, memory, enjoyment, coordination and time perception. Researchers think that regular cannabis use could have neurotoxin consequences on aging brain structures. A 2012 study at the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that people who began smoking before age 18, showed a larger decline in IQ and cognitive functioning compared to people who started taking as adults. More: Heavy adolescent users-an typical of four or more occasions a week-who continued to smoke as adults experienced an 8-point IQ fall which couldn't be blamed on booze, other drugs, or less education. The consequences of marijuana may interfere with focus, judgment and balance. Marijuana also suppresses the immune system, which can be detrimental to many people, but helpful for others with certain health conditions. Though marijuana has been proven to decrease pressure within the eyes, a symptom of this illness glaucoma, research has shown that other drugs might be more effective. Studies have produced conflicting results on whether smoking marijuana carries a significant cancer risk. According to the American Cancer Society, global research into the benefits and side effects of chemicals in marijuana is continuing. Some chemicals in marijuana have already been developed into pharmaceuticals. Canada, New Zealand and many countries in Europe have accepted a nasal spray, which uses purified cannabinoids derived from marijuana for the treatment of cancer pain and muscle spasms in multiple sclerosis. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved two medications made of synthetic cannabinoids, dronabinol and nabilone, which treat nausea and appetite problems in cancer and HIV patients. Yet the FDA hasn't approved marijuana in its own plant type as a therapy. Living in the rural areas where there are tall grass and bushes everywhere, lies a creature that can make you quite sick from its bite. There are lots of different species of ticks, but only few can infect us with a deadly virus. Emedicine.com-"Ticks are arthropods, such as lions. There are over 800 species of ticks across the world." It is true to say that they are uncontrollable and may attach to anybody of any age. Unfortunately, there is hardly much you can do about the number of these in your lawns and surrounding woodlands. They could travel with several different creatures like; dogs, cats, cattle, raccoons, rabbits and humans. They're attracted to warm, dark areas of the body just visible with the human eye, making them even harder to spot. I believe all could agree that a insect clinging to your skin with no knowledge is rather creepy and scary. I am sure we all recall one time or another child or adult, finding one stuck on us. Emedicine.com-"Ticks will be the leading carriers (vectors) of diseases to individuals in the United States, second only to mosquitoes worldwide." That's a staggering comparison statement considering West Nile Virus is at fault to a lot of lost lives through the years. Along with other life threatening ailments mosquitos' carry pose a higher threat too. In schools nationally, health courses teach children proper behavior to stop Deer Tick bites. There are well known precautions that could be made to prevent them from biting such as; long sleeves, boots, jeans, long sleeves and assessing yourselves, together with children, on a basis after being at the backyard, lawn or anywhere they could possibly dwell. Gently remove the tick with tweezers, making sure to eliminate all of the legs from the skin, wrap it in foil, bring to your doctor to have it cleared as a sign with Lyme disease or not. Deer tick bites left untreated show a red, goal like ring around the face area of the bite, resulting in" Lyme Disease" or"Lyme Borreliosis." This is a serious issue, resulting in a lot of pain that you may wind up in a wheel chair or perhaps bed stricken for days at a time. It takes away the enjoyable aspects of life and can create you're everyday routine unhappy. Most of us know suffering from intense pain isn't a laughing matter, and being nauseous always is a burden inside it itself. This is what this disease places in you're body, sucking on precious time from your life, you are mind too. By the early twentieth century, the growth of the combustion engine and the diesel motor finished the era of commercial sailing ships. The production of steel and iron for cable and boats' hulls further removed natural fibers in marine use. However, hemp does seem to be making a resurgence. And it's about time provided the numerous advantages and benefits of this unusually eco fiber. Many countries are waking up to the worth of hemp. Canada, the uk and Germany all resumed commercial production in the 1990s. In total approximately thirty states produce hemp with China being the largest producer. The Hemp Industries Association has estimated that the North American hemp cloths and fabrics market surpassed $100 million in 2007 and is currently growing at around 10 percent each year. Many doctors treat this disorder with a regiment of antibiotics. This really is the efficient method to cure this disease. Although antibiotics can upset you're gut, affecting appetite severely. Which can lead to weight reduction as the disease progress. Headaches come and go and can consist of wretched migraines. They can be so unforgiving and punishable taking a toll on you every single time. Regular sleeping routines will be continuously interrupted causing chronic tiredness and disrupting ones circadian rhythm. Brutal sharp pains running all of the way up your temples causing pain on your forehead and eyes. Stiffness off your neck, back, legs and joints can make you feel helpless, irritable and tired. Lyme disease can come and go, but for a few it wont let up. In most serious cases, this is categorized as" Persistent Lyme Disease" with people suffering constantly, not in spurts. A lot of people with Lyme disease may not believe cannabis may be one of the more affective long-term medications to help alleviate symptoms. Cannabis is a safer, more calming medicine that can eliminate pain in most forms. Medically, cannabis may be used for a lot of reasons. It fights the aches in your joints and pain during your whole body. The stronger the pressure brings on the more potent medicine. This might be the response to questions about cannabis being an alternative medicine together with the people afflicted by"Lyme Disease" who are looking for other, more natural techniques of healing. Cannabis can provide the energy required to create it through the rough days when your symptoms are large. During the day it can make lying down and falling asleep a beautiful occasion, instead of a bothersome nervous one. After a great night sleep, then you could wake up feeling refreshed instead of tired and sore. At the morning cannabis is an unbelievable way to help loosen your muscles and stiffness out of prior nighttime tossing and turning. The unlucky early sunrises if you woke up sick and tired could really be a thing of the past. Ingesting cannabis will make your appetite more powerful, bringing a much needed nutrition. Walking instead of limping, round the home brings weekends. Additionally for the non-smokers that you could have a yummy, potent and fresh raw medicine of your choice. It's surely true that after polyester came on the scene, natural fibres came under threat experiencing considerable economic hardship during the period from 1960 - 1990. However, post the 1990s, cotton made a tremendous recovery, recapturing market share, and it has continued to show good growth ever since. To find further details please discover more here. Ask you're doctor or physician about medical cannabis on what opinions they have. This might be a breaking point in you're life, helping to dissipate most symptoms of Lyme disease. If all other ways of relieving pain eventually become hopeless cannabis could officially help you. Like a general, Lyme disease truly shows no mercy and no surrender; its time to show it whose going to be the last one standing. See further articles in The Cannabis Times. Getting stoned, getting high, getting baked-all keywords for exactly the same thing. Marijuana has the ability to relax the brain and (if used incorrectly) to blur it. Weed can also relax the body and ease pain, however when used incorrectly, may seriously impair motor skills. Different breeds of medical cannabis have different effects on the body and mind-this is your main reason that"bud tenders" at medical MJ dispensaries urge different breeds for different MMJ patients. Here are five different strains of medical-grade bud and how they influence the mind and body. We chose strains of different types of marijuana, a few indica, a few sativa, some blends, to showcase the varied effects of marijuana breeds on the body and mind. Colorado taxpayers voted to pass Amendment 20 in 2000 opening the doorway for an influx of new legal medical marijuana dispensaries. Over the last several years, the Colorado medical marijuana business is now the fastest growing industry in the state. It had been reported in 2010 which the number of all Denver dispensaries has grown to outnumber the number of Starbucks in town. With this overwhelming variety of new cannabis dispensaries opening across the country, it's hard to know where to get started. Therefore, in the event that you have your Colorado medical marijuana registry card and you are wondering how to obtain the finest Colorado dispensaries, then keep searching for a few handy hints. . .The first step in finding a new medical marijuana dispensary is to identify all the dispensaries that are in close proximity to a place. Google maps is an excellent tool for this job because it will actually overlay location markers should you do a search for something such as"Denver Dispensary". As soon as you have a list of a couple dispensaries in your area, you should start researching each by doing another Google search to their particular title and key words. So search for some thing such as"Denver dispensary review" or just"the finest Denver dispensaries" and you should get you the acceptable results. I recommend using the research from these results to further refine your list down to about 3 of the more interesting dispensaries. You have done the appropriate research and read the reviews, now it's time to go to these top 3 medical marijuana dispensaries to watch for yourself. One thing to remember is that because this sector is still so young there is actuallyn't an industry standard when it comes to how individual Colorado cannabis dispensaries operate. What this means for your is that each Colorado dispensary which you visit will be a unique experience! While many Colorado medicinal marijuana dispensaries do not require appointments to access the medication viewing rooms, it's probably a good idea to call ahead and see if there is going to be a wait to be viewed. When creating your own personal evaluation of a new Colorado cannabis dispensary, there are a couple of things that you are going to want to pay close attention to on your first visit. Your first impression will usually be the living room area where you'll have to provide your Colorado medical marijuana registry card to the person at the counter. After that, you will either be immediately carried to the marijuana room or you'll have to wait till your called back. Wait times are usually very brief, often only taking a couple of minutes. I've found many Denver dispensaries don't have any wait at all during none peak times. The most important part of evaluating a brand new medical marijuana dispensary in Colorado is the experience from the bud screening room. For many people, their very first time walking into this room can be overwhelming. With row after row of glass jars packaged with the best Colorado increased medicinal cannabis, patients simply don't know where to start. Well, here's my tips for dealing with this initial experience. Start with the best. Ask to see the A quality, top shelf, red dot or whatever they call their very best cannabis strains. This will immediately give you an notion of the best that they must offer. Also, don't overlook the lower grades of marijuana. . .sometimes it is possible to locate the very best deal for your buck here. Also be sure to observe the pricing structure. This may be a significant determining factor when choosing a primary caregiver for the long run. Many Denver dispensaries provide separate pricing arrangements for members and nonmembers, so make sure you ask each for certain information. After seeing a few places you will begin to see how the overall decoration and air of Colorado cannabis dispensaries can widely vary place to place. Some dispensaries pose a primitive clinical environment that's somewhat like a doctor's office while some will feel more like you are walking into a buddy's comfortable house. Whatever your preference, there's a Colorado medical marijuana dispensary that's ideal for you. This guide isn't an endorsement for marijuana use. Cannabis is still a drug but it is extremely helpful in treating many people with many aliments. The medical marijuana world is rapidly changing so I strongly recommend reading the official Rules and Regulations for Medicinal use of Marijuana in the Colorado Department of Health before making any decisions concerning the medicinal use of cannabis. In the end the best decisions are informed decisions, so make sure you do comprehensive research on any topic involving your health prior to acting. When it comes to collecting, among the most exciting things you can select to collect are cannabis seeds. These contentious little beans are one of the most finely engineered organic products available, probably just slightly behind roses. The amazing characteristics alongside the sheer number of different strains of seed available make them one of the most interesting and most daunting collections to start.

[selphiahaven]

Selphia Haven: How it Began

Just over a year ago, I decided to make Selphia Haven. I would like to believe most blogs are made just for fun, or in order to show support and love for a special niche.

This blog was originally made for a different purpose.

Please note that my story may hold some triggering subjects for people. Please read at your own risk.

It was February of last year when I realized I had depression, but the seeds of it started to plant a lot earlier. For example, I think the hopelessness in my life started around the time that the Charlottesville white nationalist protest was being covered. News stories like this are shocking, and unbelievably scary, for a young adult who is trying to find their way in life.

I had always tried to desperately hold onto the belief that everyone, everywhere, can love and care for each other if they are either given the right knowledge or the right opportunities. I had originally picked up this belief as a child, and wanted to grow up to become a writer who would share stories with kind messages. I pursued a passion for writing all the way up until university, wherein I discovered psychology. My area of focus switched from becoming a writer to becoming a counsellor. I was going to help people, to become someone that could help manifest hope and love within people who had lost their way.

News stories like white nationalism, and similar hateful topics, made that hope slowly slip away from my fingers.

It was a slow fall. I don't remember what happened, exactly, between the Charlottesville protests and February of last year that really wore down my hope. But, by the time the Parkland school shooting happened, all that hope disappeared. The last shred of my love for the world was gone.

What are you supposed to do in life when all this terrible, terrible stuff happens in places that you cannot directly impact? Things far worse than you can imagine, to people far younger than you might think. Watching on a TV screen, you can distance yourself; pretend it doesn't happen. But you know. You know that these terrible things are someone's reality. Someone, somewhere, has to deal with each and every one of these realities that pop up on our news stations. And you can do nothing to help it.

I didn't do much from February onwards. I ate. I slept. I still went to school and worked. But it was...robotic? Everything just kind of happened. Nothing held purpose or meaning. Assignments were just assignments. Work was just work. Food was just food. And sleep was never enough.

My love for my future career was gone. I no longer wanted to be a counsellor, because I couldn't bear to deal with it. I couldn't bear to think that I would be facing these realities every single day—talking with people who had gone through losses of loved ones, suicide attempts, rape, abuse, and so much more—and yet could not provide a source of hope for them. How do you find hope for others when there are stories out there that tell us that everything bad is still happening, right now, right here, in this moment? I could be murdered next week by simply being in the wrong supermarket when a terrorist walks in and starts shooting.

I hadn't exactly contemplated suicide. Another belief I held on to was that, no matter what happens, every step alive is still a step in a growing direction. I would not commit suicide; but I was starting to think about it a lot more. For example: What it would be like to die. And, well, how long it would take for this belief to slip from my fingers just as quietly as my previous belief on the love in the world did. How long would it be before I actually started contemplating it. How long would it be before I actually committed it. What would it take for me to believe that death would be the "best option."

What got me moving wasn't through some miraculous determination. It was fear. I didn't want to die— It scared me to even be thinking about it. I still loved things in this world. My family. My friends. I actually did like school, and though I had been viewing my schoolwork at this time a mostly assignments, I did want to continue learning about the mysteries behind psychology. It was more than just the big things, there were also simple things I wanted to live for. I love ice cream. I love the smell of vanilla. I love the feel of the sun. I love the feel of the rain too, actually, and you can't feel these things, smell these things, taste these things when you're dead.

I wanted to stay alive. I wanted to still laugh at things. I had more funny videos I wanted to watch. More books I wanted to read. There are things in this world that I haven't even heard of yet that I want to stay for and experience in the future. I wanted to write. Oh my god, I wanted to write so much. I would write without end when I was in high school, but gave it up when I started pursuing psychology. I never got back to it because I felt I wasn't good enough, but I still wanted to do it.

All these lovely things that I wanted to do, and see, and experience...

But no effort to give.

I was tired, always. Constantly. My motivation to do anything outside of "the mandatory" (School, work, etc.) was nonexistent. I wanted to write, but every sentence I wrote looked ugly, or wrong, or faulty in some way. I wanted to go out for walks, but I also didn't want to get up and out of my room. I wasn't confident in anything I did; including the things I did at school and work.

I just needed something though. I wanted to do something. Anything.

I didn't start Tumblr for Selphia Haven specifically; I started it to look at funny pictures of animals (see also: an escape from reality). But it seemed like an inviting website to find...something to do on it. It wasn't limiting like on Twitter where I could only have, like, one blog per email. Tumblr gives the opportunity to try many different blogs, if you choose to pursue many different niches.

So, something small, then. I wanted to do something small. Not something meaningful; just something that would motivate me to get out of bed and do...something outside of the mandatory. It was here that I discovered something that seemed easy enough: incorrect quote blogs. In fact, I was so interested in hearing random, funny quotes that I even follow blogs for fandoms I have never seen anything from (eg. Voltron, Harry Potter, Mystic Messenger).

RF4 wasn't my first stop, but seeing as Pandora Hearts and Vanitas no Carte already had frequently updating incorrect quotes blogs, I had to find some other fandom that didn't quite have an incorrect quote blog yet. And... Well, Rune Factory did have one before I started. @overheard-at-selphia existed a few months before I walked in. However, they seemed to only be updating maybe once or twice a month. I thought for a day about whether they might be open to sharing the spotlight with me. Then, I decided that, what the hell, I'll just do it and if they aren't a fan of it, they can always just message me and tell me to shut up.

(I still follow @overheard-at-selphia too. They still update sometimes. It makes me happy.)

On June 14th, 2018, I made my first awkward post.

I made a commitment to myself then: I would make 5 posts a day. They were easy enough to make (this was, of course, before I started adding images) so this kind of goal was realistic for me. Also, I was in the heat of summer, so I didn't have schoolwork to worry about. The queue system still saves me to this day; I don't need to worry when I know I have a busy week coming up, because I can just fill it up when I have effort, and then let it run on my "off days".

Small motivations included just a handful of notes per post, and a handful of followers that gave me incentive to continue moving. Followers meant that people were relying on me to continue making posts. I couldn't just stop without reason; this little project was my own, but I created it to be my own meaningful "mandatory project".

Five little posts a day. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I discovered some courage to try something new. I created the picture incorrect quotes through a small burst of motivation in November, and the results had been astounding. I went from getting maybe 10 notes per post (If I was lucky) to around 20-50 notes per post. And that's not even counting this fukkin monster of a post that exploded straight outta nowhere.

Three posts a day. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I discovered some new courage. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I started writing again. Gradually, gradually, I wrote something. I finished writing something. I actually posted something I wrote; just over one year of Selphia Haven's existence.

I'd love to be able to say life is better now, but I can't really say that for certain. I'm not really sure if things will be okay, and I can't make promises about life when news stories are just as depressing as they have ever been. I have no grand answers for the mysteries that plague our existence; why are we alive and what's the point in all this. And, really, none of the problems that caused my depression have really been "solved" (I still don't want to be a counsellor anymore and I haven't found a different career path yet, for example).

But...I dunno. I'm enjoying this. Making Selphia Haven. It may not be a grand, exuberant show that's going to cure depression or save the children or give starving people food, but... It's my little effort. It's my little attempt at making a bit of light. A little bit of laughter in this dark world. I think we all need that— A little bit of something that gives us light. For me, that was creating Selphia Haven. Making a little effort of my own to (hopefully) make someone smile— Even if it's just a little smile. If my existence on this Earth is just to bring a small smile to your face, well... I guess that makes it worth it for me to continue, right?

That's why I'm so eager to promote any kinds of Rune Factory blogs you guys make, actually. It was me gaining those first few followers that motivated me to continue my first small steps... Gradually, gradually, gradually, I hope that those who start small can grow into something larger too. That people have something small that they can love, or create, or follow along with.

But, I also realize that, you know, not everyone experiences depression in the same way, right? My depression was helped because I had something small I could do every day. No story is the same; but I hope that if you do want to try out making a blog like mine, you will allow me to advertise it for you.

This...maybe isn't a super uplifting story, but hey. It's my story, and it seems to be working out for me so far. I'm happy with it. I'm happy that I'm writing again. And I'm going to continue making gradual steps towards the future too, which might lead me to something bigger. Who knows.

...But I hope I can finish Castle to the West, at least. Writing that story makes me really happy. So... I guess I hope you all continue your small steps to find that thing that makes you happy too. And if you need help, please ask for help! I’d be happy to give you my support!

[fromwinnipeg2everywhere]

Worth Every Penny

From Amsterdam, we took the train to Hamburg for a quick overnight stop before continuing to Copenhagen. The DB train ride to Hamburg took longer than the scheduled 6 hours, and even though we left Amsterdam early, it was late in the afternoon before we were able to check in to our motel across the street from Hamburg HBF. We covered a lot of ground in the few daylight hours we had in Hamburg. We walked along the pier and had a Fischbrotchen (Fish Sandwich) at Brucke 10, we saw St. Michael’s Church, Elbphilharmonie and Speicherstadt, but the highlight was just sitting and resting on the patio at Hofbrauhaus sipping Dunkel, soaking in the sun and people-watching. Someday, when we can all travel again, we will go back to Hamburg and see the rest of the places that we missed.

The train ride from Hamburg to Copenhagen was quite the adventure. When I first planned the trip, there was a direct train from Hamburg to Copenhagen, which involved the train going into a ferry to cross from Germany to Denmark. I was very excited because I have never been on a train that goes inside a ferry before! I always plan about six to nine months ahead and book all the flights and hotels around that time, and then buy the train tickets as they are released, typically 60-90 days ahead. Well, imagine my surprise when I couldn’t find that route anymore when it was time to book. It turns out that route was under maintenance then and my options were either to fly or take the non-direct route with three changes, with transfer times of four, six and eight minutes respectively to catch the next train. Well, not only am I sucker for stress, but I also have 100% complete faith in the German rail system, so at 430am, we were at Hamburg HBF, we stocked up on hamburgers at McDonald’s (it was the only thing open), and went to our platform to await our first train.

Well guess what, our first train, the one with the shortest transfer time to the next one, was one minute late. I know one minute is not a big deal, but when your layover is only four minutes, it is a big hairy deal. Luckily, we didn’t have to change platforms for the next train and all we had to do is basically jump off the one train and go into the next one across the platform. How did I know this? By researching all the station layouts prior to our trip to make sure we don’t waste precious minutes getting lost in the train stations. I also had contingency plans for which train we will take if we happen to miss one, but thankfully, everything went according to plan, and we were in Copenhagen by 1030am.

Copenhagen is beautiful but very expensive! We stayed at a hostel because it was the cheapest accommodation I could find, and I was not impressed with the experience. We paid pretty much the same price we would pay for a “nicer” hotel for a private room with bathroom and “a view” at Steel House Copenhagen. On top of everything we paid, they still charged us for storing our luggage, they only gave us one towel each in the bathroom (no towellete or floor mat) and if we wanted an extra one, we would have to pay. The room was one of the smallest rooms we’ve ever had, the air conditioning didn’t work, the balcony was not clean and covered with dead plants and bugs (so much for the view!), and the elevators did not work pretty much our entire stay. It was one of the worst ever in terms of customer service.

We explored Copenhagen mostly on foot, the sites are a bit far from one another but it’s doable with comfortable shoes. We walked down Stroget, visited Rosenburg Castle, took a canal tour, and strolled down Nyhavn. The canal tour is a good activity on the first day because it gives a pretty comprehensive tour of the city and gives an idea on which places to visit for the following days. I found Nyhavn very much like a postcard, but the restaurants are very pricey and not the best the city has to offer. There’s a McDonald’s a few blocks down so we ate there instead. Tivoli Gardens was a pleasant surprise, and a good way to spend an afternoon. We bought tickets for a couple of tame rides, but there are a couple of scary ones there that you could not pay me to try.

The part that I loved the most about Copenhagen was the food, and I’m not talking about McDonald’s! On our first day there, we went to Torvehallerne which is a food market that has a lot of scrumptious food, this is where we spent our three-day budget. We bought an open face sandwich, I bought a piece of bread, a dessert, and we shared a beer. It does not really take much to blow through a budget in Copenhagen. I miscalculated the conversion in my head the first morning we were there and didn’t realize that a Frappuccino cost $10! I really did not enjoy that Frap. On the second day, we had lunch at NOMA. The food at NOMA was, hands down, the best I’ve tasted in my entire life. We were there for seafood season and it was course after course of amazing seafood – crabs, mussels, oysters, scallops, sea urchin – all beautifully plated and cooked to perfection. I would come back to Copenhagen just to experience seafood season again. It is hard to get a booking at NOMA. You must book the second they open bookings for whatever season you want. So, for example, we booked in January for our May trip. When I say book the second they open, I literally mean the second they open because those slots will be gone in a snap. You pay for the food at the time you make the booking, and then you pay for beverages after the meal. It is a splurge, but it is one of the memories that I will look back fondly on forever. On our last night in Copenhagen (and the last night of our trip), we dined at Geranium. The food and the dining experience were exceptional. The kitchen and wine cellar tour were a nice touch, but it had very big shoes to fill from the previous day’s experience. This is another splurge, but if you only have enough budget for one splurge, I would go with NOMA.

While at Copenhagen, we also took a half-day trip to Malmo, Sweden. It is a nice, quiet town with not much going on. Make sure that you have your passport on you because the border patrol does random passport checks on the train. The train ride is not cheap, but we wanted to go to Sweden!

The whole trip was a very memorable one. We got to revisit cities that we love, and we fell in love with new ones. The whole gastronomic aspect of this trip was unbelievable, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have had the chance to dine in some of the world’s best restaurants. I would have to give credit where credit is due, and that is to my husband because he has taught me that I need to look at the value, and not the cost of something (or at least that is his excuse to splurge!). When this pandemic is over, I hope that the restaurant industry recovers, but for now, let’s try to support them by ordering takeout or delivery occasionally, or buying gift cards to use when they open again. Travelling and dining out are two of my favourite things in the world and I will enjoy every single moment once we can do so again.

[seriouslyhooked]

Lost Souls and Reveries (Part 16)

22 part AU written for @cssns​. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15. Story available on AO3 Here and FF Here. Banner created by the amazingly talented @shipsxahoy​!!

Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to a future he is destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers, but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set them free, or will past demons win out in the end? (Answer: love always wins – I am writing this so despite some tiny pockets of angst it’s basically a fluff-filled insta-love fest). Rated M.

A/N: Hey everyone! So we are back after the LONGEST time away I have ever had from fic writing since I started way back when. I know it was such a long break, and so many of you have reached out to see if I am still in this, but I never forgot this story. I just had to pass the hardest year of school ever to get back to my CS happy place! There is so much going on in this story right now, so many pieces that need tying together or resolution on, and in this chapter we are moving full steam ahead (but since it’s been a while you might want to go back and refresh on where we left off before). There’s finally a meeting that so many have you have been waiting for and there’s love, loss, and so many other emotions too… but I won’t spoil much more than that. You’ll just have to read and then let me know what you think! Anyway thank you all so much for continuing to follow along in this story with me. Hope you enjoy!

“Okay, so I know that technically I can do more than make flowers grow, but I have to be honest… this is so freaking cool, I never want to stop!”

The excitement exuding from Anna this afternoon as she and Elsa worked on some magical ‘training’ with Ruby was undeniable. Emma couldn’t blame Anna for that elation either, not when she was watching her friend do something remarkable and almost unbelievable. The beautiful garden that had been here just a few hours ago was now totally over grown, with so many more flowers than there had been before. The colors of their petals were also now touched with an ethereal element. They seemed to glow, and to radiate this precious golden light from within. The veins of each leaf swirled in a pronounced and gorgeous way, and these plants were simply bursting with life and energy and magic.

Over the past three days Anna and Elsa had been doing their best to make progress in their ability to wield their family gift. This had been a fatiguing process, with Ruby having to start from very basic places. There were rules, it turned out, about how to cast spells and use magic safely. One had to remember all of these steps to make sure no one got hurt, and though at times Anna was a little hyper active or distractible, Emma had never seen her friend more studious and focused. She was determined to access her magic and do everything she could with it, and that determination was bringing her leaps and bounds in a very short time. In fact, Ruby was so confident in Anna’s ability to test her gifts and to remember to follow the laws of magic that she’d given her free time to just explore what she could do, thus this impromptu garden party of sorts.

“It’s amazing, Anna. How does it feel?” Emma asked, having a sense herself as she felt the warm and subtle kiss of the magic in the air around them. Emma felt rejuvenated and calmed all at once by this magical display, so she could only imagine what casting the spells that made this possible felt like.

“It feels like…” Anna closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and soaking in the joy around her, and when she opened her eyes they were filled with emotion and a thoughtful quality that spoke to real happiness. “It feels like getting to lick the spoon when Grams makes cookies, or the first beach day with Mom and Dad every summer.”

“That good?” Emma asked, less as a question and more as a statement of awe and true joy for her friend.

“That good,” Anna agreed, her smile growing as her eyes cast around at all she’d created over the past few hours. But eventually her gaze turned back to the house and some of that happiness dimmed. It wasn’t fully gone, but now there was a little bit of sadness in the midst of all this celebration. “I only wish that Elsa felt this way too.”

“She’ll get there,” Emma promised, though she didn’t have visions of the future to check that that was true. All she had was a thorough understanding of her other best friend, and faith that soon the pieces would fall as surely into place for Elsa as they had for her sister. “You two are never far apart for long.”

“And where we go you usually follow,” Anna joked, making Emma laugh even though this time that couldn’t be the case.

“Unless you know of some mystical waters or whatever the heck sparked magical people years ago, where I could get a gift like yours, I’m not sure that’ll be happening this time. I think the flowers only have one new overlord to answer to.”

“Well of course your magic won’t be the same,” Anna said, like this whole conversation was so totally obvious. “But being a shifter? I mean come on, that’s arguably the coolest magic of all. You’ll get to turn into a wolf for crying out loud!”

At the mention of her suppressed shifter status Emma’s heart jumped. That seemed to be a recurring thing since her grandmother had turned up and dropped the bomb of all bombs. Well honestly, maybe the biggest reveal had been the fact that her grandmother was even alive at all, but looking past the magic that was required for all of this to be real, and the heartbreak of the years that Ruth and her Dad had been apart, the reality that there was shifter blood running through Emma’s veins was surreal.

Being a hybrid, even if her ability was currently blocked, changed so much about what Emma knew of herself. It was a blessing and a curse in so many ways. On the one hand Emma was glad to have some things make more sense. The white wolf in her dreams all those years ago and that feeling that not everything was as it should be now made sense, but at the same time there was no guarantee that Elsa could even remove the block in Emma’s spirit as she had for Neal.

Currently Elsa was trying to access those memories with Ruby, but it was slow going. And even if Elsa could recreate the spell, Emma had to think about if that’s what she wanted. It would no doubt be dangerous, and no one actually knew what happened when human/shifter hybrids came of age. She would be the first one as far as they all knew and she was so out of touch with her animal Emma didn’t even realize it was there when she was awake. So how could she ever expect to be a good shifter? How could she hope to learn all that needed to be learned? What if in the end she wasn’t meant to be one? What if -

“Uh oh, and there you go again, over thinking things,” Anna said, bringing Emma’s attention back to the real world. Anna’s hand was now on her hip and she shook her head in an almost chastising way. “You’ve got to stop doing that, Ems. Elsa is going to figure this out, she’s going to find a way to safely lift the block, and then you are going to finally be all you were meant to be.”

Emma didn’t want to argue with her friend, but suffice it to say she wasn’t as convinced. Anna made it sound so simple, but in Emma’s mind it wasn’t. What she had right now was brilliant. Her life was full and happy. She had her family and her friends, and she had a true love, her fated mate, a man who made her experience love in the most blissful of ways. She didn’t want to risk any of that, and she didn’t want to go off hoping for more when what she had right now was more than enough. No one should be this lucky, despite the continued unrest that waiting for Liam was bringing, and Emma didn’t want to jinx things by feeling entitled to being a shifter too.

“It’s like me and my magic, Emma. When we found out, I was excited but I was also really scared. I kept thinking that everyone was wrong. There had to be a mistake, because it wasn’t me who was special it was Elsa.”

“Anna,” Emma said, her earnestness showing through in her tone. “Elsa might be special but so are you. You deserve your magic just as much as she deserves hers.”

“I know that, Emma, I do, but even if I know that, there’s still that voice in my head that doesn’t want to hear it, and I bet it sounds a lot like the one you have telling you that you’re not ready to be or worthy of being a shifter.”

Anna came over and took Emma’s hand in hers in a sign of solidarity. She was right, after all. Those negative thoughts did seem to be something they shared, and though she was nervous, Emma craved the chance to overcome hers just as Anna had.

“So how did you get over it?” Emma asked and Anna laughed.

“I didn’t. It’s still there sometimes, but I just have to tell it to shut up. Fear doesn’t want you to hope for good things, Emma. It wants you to limit yourself and deprive yourself of things that could be great just because they also could be scary. You can either cave to it or you can overcome it, and not so deep down you know that. And you know how I know that you know?  Because you, Emma Nolan, are one of the bravest people I have ever met.”

Emma’s throat tightened at the words, and she could feel her friend’s own emotion starting to get the better of her. Anna’s feelings freely flowed in the air around them just as they always did. She was not the kind of person to stifle her reactions. Instead, she spoke the truth as she saw at, blowing Emma away as she did.

“There’s no one else who faces a crisis like you, Emma. You stay steady, even when everyone else breaks. You did it when we were kids and small scale things happened, like when the Heller boys decided to start bullying Elsa, or when someone had to scale the McNealy’s fence to get our ball back.”

Emma barked out a laugh, thinking about old Mr. McNealy and how he used to scare them senseless as kids. Now they knew he was just a curmudgeonly old guy, but back then he seemed like a real monster.

“And you did it when everything was happening with Neal. You had to take on so much far too soon, and you did it unflinchingly for your brother and for your parents. Then, when we lost Grams, and then lost Mom and Dad so soon after, you were there for us too. Night and day, no matter what, you were our rock. As much as Elsa and I pulled ourselves together, you were right there with us, and you never questioned it. It’s always a given to you that you’ll help everyone you love and anyone you meet.”

“Well when you put it like that…” Emma said, attempting some humor even though her voice was thick with emotion. She was touched at Anna’s words, and it came to a head when her friend pulled her in for a hug. The tears pooling in her eyes fell at that point, quietly but undeniable, and she had to wipe them away as she pulled back. “Thanks, Anna. And just for the record, I don’t think I have that calm in the storm thing all to myself.”

“I know. It was a great pep talk wasn’t it?” Anna asked, prompting more laughter between the friends that continued until some rustling came from the hedgerow and Elsa and Ruby appeared.

“Seems like you two are having fun,” Elsa said, her eyes softening immediately as she saw Emma and Anna. There was still stress there, but Emma could see that Elsa felt better being back in their company.

“Well there’s plenty to go around,” Anna joked, flicking her wrist and launching an ivy vine up into the air and having it rustle against Elsa’s braided hair. “Unless you guys still have work to do. It’s kind of been a lot for one day, don’t you think?”

“About that… we’ve got some good news and some not so good news,” Ruby announced, her hands waving along as she talked, a trait Emma knew she and Killian shared when they were catching other people up to speed. “The good news is that we were able to access Elsa’s memory of when she helped Neal.”

“So you saw the spell?” Emma asked, looking between Ruby and Elsa. A chill zipped through her at their faces, because despite the breakthrough, neither of them seemed super enthusiastic.

“We did,” Ruby continued. “Turns out Elsa did the impossible – she literally removed Neal’s two souls from his body to blend them back together.”

“Removed them... wait, like killed him?” Emma asked, shocked, and Elsa looked so stricken as she quickly explained.

“I didn’t kill him. It was just a few seconds. It happened really quickly. He just went to sleep for a second, that’s all.”

“But technically without a soul a person is dead,” Ruby supplied. “And if they’re not, we’re entering vampire territory.”

“Vampires?!”  The question was yelled out not just by Emma, but Anna and Elsa as well, and Ruby winced in response.

“Sorry, bad joke. Vampires aren’t actually a thing. But then again removing souls from a body wasn’t supposed to be a thing either. So at this point…” Her continued attempt at light heartedness petered off as Ruby shrugged.

“But you can do it,” Emma said, looking to Elsa and her friend nodded.

“Apparently I can. I had no idea what I was doing then, and I can’t find anything in my family’s archives. It’s a mystery.”

“Would you even be able to do it again?” Anna asked and Emma fully expected Elsa to say that she couldn’t, but for the first time Elsa looked certain as she nodded.

“Yes. I can do it.”

“Maybe,” Ruby stressed. “She can maybe recreate a miracle a second time, but I have to be honest guys, this is not magic I know how to wield. It’s a real risk. Anything could go wrong. Your souls could react badly, they could not blend, they could reject any kind of intervention at all, and if they did…”

“If they did, I could die.”

There was no need to say anything else on the matter for a moment. The four of them allowed Emma’s observation to hang in the air, sinking in in a sickening way. Life and death situations were something Emma had faced before, but she’d never willingly put herself in a dangerous way. To do so now would either be incredibly foolish or impossibly brave, and Emma wasn’t sure where she stood yet on that. On the one hand, she could be taking a huge risk only to lose everything she now held so dearly. On the other, this could be the answer to that last missing piece of the puzzle that was her life. Plus it would help not only her, but Neal as well who was going to be facing his first shift just a few more years from now.

“Whatever you decide, Emma, there’s no need to rush,” Anna said, finally breaking the silence that had fallen as she touched Emma’s arm in a reassuring motion. “It’s not like Elsa is going anywhere. We’ve got time to see what you might want.”

“Exactly,” Ruby said with a firm nod. “This isn’t the kind of thing we should be too hasty about. Let’s just tackle one thing at a time. Liam will be arriving any day now. Let’s climb that mountain before staring down another.”

The four of them agreed this was a good place to leave things, and Emma was relieved. Crazy that the impending arrival of Killian’s unknowable brother was of relief to her now when for days it had been so anxiety inducing. But for some reason, that felt like a battle that could be won. For this moment she was part of a team, it was her and Killian and her friends and family. She felt like anything could be accomplished as long as they were together, and she genuinely had hope in her heart that things weren’t as hopeless with Liam as Killian believed. But trying to heal her block… well that would just be her and Elsa trying to do something they had no real clue how to do, and that was scary as hell.

“Ruby, what’s wrong?”

Elsa’s sudden question prompted Emma to look to her new friend, immediately feeling a pang of anxiety again. Ruby was overly alert, and Emma had seen that kind of posturing before from Killian when he thought she was in trouble.

“We’ve got company.”

“Liam?” Emma and Elsa asked at the same time and Ruby shook her head.

“No. I think I’d sense if it were Liam. No I just heard something. In the woods back there.”

The three friends turned to follow Ruby’s gaze, but Emma was shocked when Ruby moved forward towards the sound. She told them to stay back and she’d figure it out, but just as she moved out of sight, Emma, Elsa, and Anna heard a throaty chuckle that came from the opposite direction. They jumped in surprise and whipped their attention over and then Emma and her friends sighed aloud in relief.

“Graham, was that you?” Emma asked, and their town Sherriff grinned.

“Maybe.”

“It was him,” Anna said with an eye roll. “Well I hope you’re happy. You scared five years off my life. Not cool Graham.”

“Ruby it’s okay you can come out!” Emma called. “It’s just Graham. He’s harmless.”

“Oh you wound me, Emma. I like to think I could do some…”

Whatever words Graham was going to say trailed away as his eyes looked past Emma and back to the tree line. Without even having to peer over, Emma knew what he was staring at, or rather who he was staring at. The only person in that direction was Ruby and from Graham’s expression, this was more than a strictly ‘she’s hot’ reaction. Emma flipped her gaze to her new friend and sure enough, Ruby looked just as struck silly as Graham did.

“Ooh, look it’s happening again!” Anna whispered whisper-yelled gleefully. “Love struck, the two of them. It’s like Emma and Killian 2.0. I bet you guys a month of diner lunches that they’re fated mates too.”

Both Emma and Elsa refused to take the bet, instead watching (with totally no chill and no attempt at giving Graham and Ruby privacy) as the two shifters moved toward each other. Emma wondered what it must be like for them, but she had some idea. Killian had detailed to her what it felt like to be confronted with one’s other half if you were a shifter. Everything shifted focus and all of a person’s senses were heightened and needy. It was an instant force of lust and want and adoration. It was really love at first sight, and for most shifters it was just understood. There was no need for small talk or getting to know each other. Nature chose your perfect match, and time would prove that to be true.

Because she knew this, it didn’t surprise Emma when Graham took Ruby’s hand in his and when his other hand came to cup her cheek. They were so close, eyes flashing a wolf’s color and they looked just a split second away from forgetting themselves entirely and making out or doing more. Surprisingly though, words did come, and though Emma and Elsa and Anna were totally forgotten, Ruby did seem to have the sense to ask some critical questions.

“But how did I… there’s no trace of you in town. I should have known about this - known about you.”

“Oh trust me, babe, Tink is going to be hearing quite an earful from me about this.”

“Babe?” Emma whispered to Elsa and Anna, half shocked at the word choice and half uncomfortable. In all her years of knowing Graham he had never, ever, called anyone anything like that before.

“Tink?” Ruby asked, and Emma was really curious now about what having a mate meant for Ruby. There was a chance she was so overwhelmed with Graham that she wasn’t able to tap into her gifts, but this seemed like a relatively straightforward vision. Also, Emma was like ninety five percent sure Tink had been mentioned more than once.

“Girl, she is so gone for him,” Anna said gleefully. “Oh! We should make popcorn!”

“Uh no,” Emma and Elsa said at the same time before Elsa continued on. “If anything we should leave them be. It’s only a matter of time before they start going at it, and we don’t need to be anywhere near seeing that.”

Emma laughed at Elsa’s claims as Anna feigned a sigh. Obviously she wasn’t interested in spying on the intimate moments of two new mates, but Anna really did love love, and Emma knew her friend was hoping for more cuteness before any impending sexy times. But whatever any of them were expecting, it likely wasn’t what happened next. One second Ruby and Graham looked poised to run off together, and the next Ruby’s features changed and her eyes went hazy. It only lasted a moment but she jumped when it was over and she looked to be in actual pain. Graham moved with her, and though Ruby was still alarmed, Emma could see the slightest bit of comfort come form Graham still being there. Still it wasn’t enough to fully calm her, and what Ruby declared next sent ice rushing through Emma’s veins.

“He’s here. Liam’s here, and he just found Killian.”

Shit!

………………………………..

At times like this it was difficult for Killian to know if pacing was a product of habit or an animalistic urge.

There was evidence enough to suggest it could be his animal. Wolves were known for patrolling when they were contained, agitated, or ready to fight, but as the morning light shifted to a mid-day warmth, Killian’s pacing felt like more than that. True, he felt a little held captive; the anxiety of what was coming was getting to him and there might indeed be reason to fight. But this motion right now, this back and forth route in front of his new Storybrooke home, wasn’t caused by his brother or an impending battle: it was caused by a desire so strong it was starting to control him.

As the days passed by, Killian’s love for Emma only grew. Despite the full moon being long gone by now, he felt this continuing clawing need to be near his mate. It was difficult for him to be away from her, and it was damn near impossible when there was a threat not too far off. In fact, the only thing keeping him sane right now was that she was protected and surrounded by other people who loved her. Ruby was a more than capable shifter who had made it very clear that she considered Emma family in the realest kind of way, and with her visions she should see any danger for Emma before it got here. They had been spotty as of late, with larger blind spots than she was used to, but both Killian and Ruby were certain that when the time for Liam’s arrival actually came, Ruby would know of it. That, coupled with Anna and Elsa’s new gifts, was enough to keep Killian from trailing Emma all afternoon and trying to protect her himself.

The fierceness of his need to see Emma safe was one of the strongest things he’d ever experienced, second only to his love for her, and carrying around such immensity of emotion made Killian eager to shift and to run and howl. He’d allowed himself the first two so far this morning already, but eventually he’d been called back to human form and to the house again. Connecting with his wolf right now just didn’t seem to hold all of the power that it once did for his peace of mind, and Killian was relatively certain he knew why. For underneath all of that protective instinct, and beyond the anticipation of seeing his brother again, there was something else clawing at Killian, something he wanted to do so badly but kept having to keep himself in check over.

Opening the small black box that held a symbol of his hopes for he and Emma, Killian looked down again at his grandmother’s ring, his eyes catching the way the precious gem sparkled in the light. It looked just the same as it always had, a classic and beautiful ornament, now fitted to Emma to perfection, and designed to show the world how tied up they were together. It was a testament to love, a symbol that, if she said yes, the two of them would be wed. And even though he knew that’s what Emma wanted, seeing as she’d already agreed to be his mate, it still made his heart sputter in his chest to think of asking her. He knew that he wanted that moment to be perfect. Emma deserved everything from flowers to candlelight. She deserved ambiance and the undeniable truth that he loved her more than anything. She deserved a story, one they could tell forever and look back at with pride. But even though he knew what should be done, it was killing Killian not to just do this now. He hated waiting. His patience was all but fried, and every day that he spent not working towards that forever with Emma hurt him more than he could say.

But here was where it all came back full circle. Because the reality was he couldn’t create that moment. He couldn’t give Emma those things when he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. All of them were anticipating the arrival of his brother and the showdown that would come, and until that was faced and dealt with Killian couldn’t do what he wanted most. It would be too selfish on his part, and he already had regrets about how things had gone with Emma already. Not their being together surely, for he could regret nothing about having Emma in his life and in his heart. But he wished that things could have been a little less harried. Emma was strong and determined. She would stand tall through whatever storm came their way, but he wished she didn’t have to. That essence of normalcy that she was craving? Truth was he craved it too. If they could just have a little bit of peace and quiet to enjoy all that they’d found it would be miraculous. But it seemed too much to ask the universe to have such a brilliant mate and a bit of time to truly enjoy his good fortune.

You’re going to wear a patch in the grass, Killian.

He heard the words in his head and they were said with the loving chastisement that only his mother had ever truly been able to capture. He closed his eyes and stopped, inhaling the fresh air around him and breathing out again. It was rare for him to do this anymore, to hear his mother’s voice as he went about his life. He’d shut off the part that was open to her and her goodness so long ago. When he trained to confront his father, he stifled that old connection. He shut down the little voice inside his head that reminded him what was good and right. But since he’d found Emma and tried to separate himself from that old life of revenge, he was more and more susceptible to it again. That susceptibility was both beautiful and painful. On the one hand he swore he could hear his mom right now. He could picture her in his minds’ eye shaking her head at him with a smile at her lips. But he knew when he opened her eyes she wouldn’t be here. There would just be more waiting and more agonizing over what was next.

“Bloody hell, Liam, I wish you would just get here already and be done with it.”

The words were gruff as he spoke them aloud, nearly yelling with the ferocity of his agitation. He kept his eyes closed and tried to center himself again, but before he could a voice by the tree line responded to him.

“Wish granted.”

Careful not to make any sudden movements, Killian pivoted to where he heard his brother’s voice and looked at him for the first time in so many years, seeing that it was in fact Liam there, and not just some figment of his imagination.

A few seconds passed where Killian allowed himself to take his brother in, and though he was surprised at how clean cut and together Liam still seemed to be, he didn’t let any of that show. If this reunion was going to be anything like last time then he was in for a hell of a fight, but there was a real need for Killian to control himself. Even on the night he was first infected, the bite had made it so Liam was out of control and unable to resist his baser urges. To counteract that, Killian had to be smart. It was the only way to handle this and to see that he, Emma, and the rest of their friends and family were okay. Still, looking at Liam now was like a stab to the heart, for though all this time had passed, he still looked as he always had, and Killian swore he saw a mix of sadness and also love in his brother’s eyes, despite everything.

“It’s been a long time, little brother,” Liam said, filling the space between them with words that were charged in a way Killian couldn’t understand. There was no anger there. No resentment. Just longing and a little bit of pain. “You look different.”

“I am different,” Killian replied. His muscles flexed slightly, and though he hoped to hide it from Liam, Killian watched as his brother tracked the movement. Liam didn’t reply in kind though, instead siding with continued conversation as he moved a bit closer.

“Ah yes. A mate’s love will do that, or at least that’s what they tell me.”

Now Killian couldn’t help tensing up.  He didn’t like it at all that his brother had mentioned Emma, even in the abstract. It was too close for comfort, but when Killian let out a low growl, Liam only laughed. It was a barked out sound, one that made it seem like Liam hadn’t had cause to laugh in a long time, but it calmed something inside of Killian. It wasn’t threatening. If anything, Liam seemed to be enjoying himself. That was unexpected, but it didn’t feel aggressive and that was something to be grateful for.

“Relax, brother. I didn’t come here for her.”

“Then why did you come?” Killian asked, wanting to believe Liam, but knowing that the bite would change any man and that it had already started to change Liam years ago.

“So it’s like that then,” Liam sighed. “Straight to the point. No conversation after all this time? No soft landing?”

“Why bother putting it off? You’re here, and we both know why.”

“I’m not so sure we do,” Liam replied thoughtfully. “I’ve thought of this moment every day since that night. I thought of what I’d say when I saw you again, and damn if I can bring myself to say any of that now. It all seems… not enough.”

“Well why don’t we start with the basics. This control you’re displaying. Is that… permanent?”

“Much as I might like to say yes, I can’t do that. For all my flaws, lying is something I still can’t abide by.”

Killian’s stomach fell at the confession from his brother. It was confusing to say the least, because on the one hand Liam didn’t seem to be doing anything that would signal that he or his wolf wanted to fight. There was no display of dominance, no call to contest. To Killian that signaled that maybe Emma’s more wishful thinking was right. Perhaps Liam was here to make amends and to make things right, as crazy as that seemed, but confessing that he wasn’t actually in control scared Killian. He’d seen the flip switched in his brother before. It was terrible to behold and if Liam couldn’t stop it then it was only a matter of time before Killian bore witness to that beast again.

“So the sickness. You haven’t cured it?”

“No,” Liam replied, his acceptance of his condition heart wrenching to hear. “I am what I am now. A monster, a beast, an abomination: you can call me whatever you like, but the curse remains.”

Killian allowed that truth he already knew to soak in. Again he’d been hopeful, and again his hope was thwarted. Of course Liam was still burdened with this blackness. There was no escaping it, but still it killed Killian to hear it. Listening to his brother berating himself, calling himself a monster – a beast – it was terrible, and yet Killian couldn’t contradict him. He knew nothing of Liam anymore. He knew the man he had been, but what was to say that man truly remained? He appeared to be here, but appearances weren’t enough to build trust on. They couldn’t be, not when the stakes were so high.

“You never were good at covering your emotions, brother,” Liam said witfully, his eyes studying Killian intently. “I can see it all practically jumping off of you. Love. Wariness. Sadness. Fear. Crazy you stayed hidden all these years. You’d think so much energy would be easier to track.”

The mention of tracking put Killian on alert again. There was the reminder he needed that this wasn’t a one off. Liam wasn’t here for a casual visit. He’d been hunting for Killian for years and Killian had known it. He’d lived off the grid as much as he could. He never built a life, never had roots. Hell, he never had dreams of any kind for years and years to stay ahead of that search. His life had been hellish, and that hell was in no small part because there was always the threat of Liam just waiting to take him down.

“What can I say? Ruby’s a powerful witch.”

“Ah she always was. Little Red,” Liam said with another strange laugh. “Remember when we called her that as kids? God she hated that.”

Killian was thrown by the tenderness Liam displayed for Ruby. This whole exchange was honestly giving him whiplash. One moment his brother was kind and trying to connect, the next he was poking Killian with the reminders of the threat he posed. It was confounding and confusing, and it made the wolf inside scratch at the surface, trying to fight this out instead of lingering in whatever strange game Liam was playing here.

“Ruby isn’t the reason you came either. So let’s get on with it. Why are you here, Liam?”

“I’m here because I have to be. We had to meet again. You made sure of it that night.”

“I spared you that night, Liam. I…” Killian trailed off before reiterating the thought, because honestly he wasn’t so sure that’s what he’d done. Had he spared Liam? Or had he just damned his brother to so many more years of this descent into madness?

“You made a choice, a choice that speaks to who you are, brother. You could have killed me, but you didn’t. You couldn’t. It could have all been over. You could have been free, but instead you chose another path. This path, and now we have to face it.”

The ominous words hung in the field between them and Killian didn’t know what to say. Liam was right after all, at least in a way. He hadn’t been capable of killing Liam. There just wasn’t that option, and because of that there had been the risk and that sinking sensation that followed Killian all these years that they’d meet again. But while his brother was resigned and yet also strangely unreadable, Killian was resolute. Things wouldn’t end the same way twice. There were too many other people who needed protecting, and too much more to live for now than there had been years ago.

“I’m sorry, Killian. I’m sorry for that night, and for any night you’ve faced since that you worried about me. I’m more sorry than you can ever imagine. I would have done anything to spare you that.”

Wait… what?

“You’re sorry,” Killian repeated, his mind reeling from the truth he heard in Liam’s out of the blue words. “But you’ve come here to kill me.”

“So you keep suggesting,” Liam replied, his eyes taking on a little humor again.

“And what are you suggesting, Liam? I realize this is all some big game to you, but frankly I don’t want to play. I never did, so if you’ve come to fight me, fight me.”

“You know I thought this would be different, our last time together,” Liam said, his voice a wistful whisper, as it sailed across the breeze to Killian’s ears. “I should have known, even if I hoped for something more. But let me cut to the chase. I came to -,”

The snap of a branch in the woods very close to them claimed both brothers’ attention, and when Killian saw it was Tink his feelings were mixed. There was relief, but also dread. He couldn’t exactly explain why, but the reason would show itself soon enough.

“I caught a new scent in town and thought you might need backup,” Tink said, but her usual confidence was cowed in an instant when a fierce growl sounded out so loudly that it shook the ground around them.

Killian whipped his head back to look at his brother, but Liam was gone and all that remained was the beast in man’s clothing. His eyes were like coal, his face was snarled, his stance was poised for shifting. He heaved for breath, his anger rolling off of him, and just like that the nightmare Killian had been reliving for years was with him once more. Whatever had just occurred was over. The talking was done, the dancing was finished, and now it was time to face this twisted fate once and for all...

Post-Note: Okay I know I know I left this on a cliffhanger and I am terrible! BUT I have some pretty great news – the next chapter of this story is already mostly written and I will be posting it sometime in the next week! I should probably space it out more since the rest of the chapters aren’t completed yet, but trust me – you will all want to see the conclusion of what happens between Killian and Liam.  Anyway thank you all so much for your patience and your continued support. Hope you’re all doing well, and hope you’ll tune in next time!

Tag list: @jennjenn615 @kmomof4 @winterbaby89 @teamhook @ultraluckycatnd @resident-of-storybrooke @coliferoncer @artistic-writer @snowbellewells @eastside-divebar @snarkycaptainswan4 @allofdafandoms-blog

[demansiabites]

So, the 2010′s are over, what the fuck is up with that one? I spent more time in video games during the 2010′s than I probably spent in school, so I’ve naturally been trying to rank 10 games as my favorites of the decade. Of course, I’m a dumb bitch so I couldn’t think of anything past four or so games that I loved during the decade. So under the cut, here are my top 10 games that I played during the decade ranked in idunno an order I guess:

Number 10: Far Cry 3 (November 29th, 2012), aka the worst fucking game I’ve ever enjoyed. Far Cry 3 is a video game, that’s one of the few things I’m certain of, so naturally it has video game elements. Story, gameplay, characters, some vague semblance of doing something. If someone asked me to describe how well it did any of those things, it’d probably go something like this: “The story was fucking garbage, there was one good character that they killed halfway through, there was like one good mission in the entire game, and the gameplay was passable for a first person shooter”.  So then what the fuck, why is it this high up? I don’t know, but for some reason I kept playing this god damn game at least once every year for the past few years. Even though I had to use uPlay, even though the characters are unlikable as fuck, even though the story feels like it was written in one night long bender including some combination of Vodka and Red Bull that probably resulted with at least one person in the hospital, I kept playing this fucking game. And I think I might have figured out why, it’s just fucking stupid. There are very few games I would consider a “survival” game where it doesn’t actually have survival elements, and Far Cry 3 is one of them. The entire map itself wants you dead honestly. Including a cast of tigers, giant birds, pirates, bears, giant cliffs, and sharks, there’s no safe place on the map. Getting from one end of the map to the other will include at least one fight, no matter what you do. The game gives you the stupidest tools I can think of to get you across the map. There’s literally no reason for them to give you a flare gun, but they do because why not. A wingsuit? You get that shit like, 60% of the way through the game, and that last 40% is mostly me fucking around with the added mobility they should’ve given me from the start.  I fucking hate this game so much, purely because I enjoy it more than this game has the right to make someone enjoy. I give it a 4/10. If someone asked me of any good survival games, I would recommend something else then remember Far Cry 3 a couple hours later when taking a shower. Then I would probably play it myself, because it’s the guiltiest of pleasures.

Number 9: BioShock (August 21st, 2007), aka I never said all the games came out this decade, I just said I played them. BioShock is one of those games people consider a “masterpiece”. It’s got an amazing story, revolutionary gameplay, fantastic characters. I may agree with that, but that’s not why it’s here. I bought this game and for the following three days I stayed up playing it from 8 PM to 7 AM because I kept getting so fixed into the game that I lost my passage of time. If that’s not top 10 material I don’t know what the fuck is. BioShock is a 9/10 game, play it if you know you’re not doing anything for the next 3 days because you probably won’t realize how long you’ve been playing it. Also it’s actually pretty scary sometimes, so be warned.

Number 8: Mount and Blade: Warband (March 30, 2010), aka the game where I said I was going to take over the entire map then spent 60 hours getting 33% of the way through that goal. Mount and Blade: Warband is a perfectly accurate simulation of the days under the feudal system, because everything takes 8 years to fucking happen. Travelling across the map takes minutes at a time, battles take minutes, starting a castle’s siege takes 3 in-game days, then the siege itself takes anywhere from 10 real life minutes to an hour based on how mean the game is feeling. Do I dislike this? No, not at all, I love how large scale this game. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the largest scale games I’ve played ever. Battles can have hundreds of troops at a time, the world is dominated by kingdoms with actual politics, there are hundreds of named NPCs in the game almost every single one of which you can fight or ally with. It’s fucking insane. Mount and Blade: Warband gets an 8/10 from me, it’s not at all for everyone but it’s certainly for me.

Number 7: Resident Evil 4 (January 11, 2005), aka “wait the same person that played Leon Scott Kennedy also voiced the Merchant?” I don’t think I have anything new to say about Resident Evil 4, so I’m not really going to bother trying to critique this game. I will say I beat it at least 4 or 5 times throughout the decade, having only owned it for a few years, and that I also played it with my significant other during that time and after that they bought it to play it themselves. The only other thing I feel worth mentioning is god damn did they make Leon Scott Kennedy fucking THICC. You may think the artillery are the guns you’re carrying around anymore, but nah, them cheeks could fucking fracture a skull. Resident Evil 4 gets an 8/10 from me, I would buy it at a high price. Also I love Ada Wong.

Number 6: Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls (September 25th, 2014), aka the reason I would never recommend somebody to follow me on this fucking website. Danganronpa is by far, the best series I’ve ever seen have so many crippling flaws in it. Thankfully, Ultra Despair Girls manages to avoid those flaws by being just straight up a different game entirely. Most of Danganronpa’s flaws comes from how many characters they have. Ultra Despair Girls manages to fix that by not having as many characters, but expanding heavily on the characters that it does have. The motherfuckers literally made the hyperactive serial killer my favorite character in fiction, I don’t know what y’all expect of me at this point. Also, the game manages to have gameplay that is actually suited for someone such as myself. I absolutely adore the class trials in Danganronpa, but visual novels aren’t my thing most of the time. Danganronpa is certainly an exception, but Ultra Despair Girls’s third person shooter gameplay holds my attention like a vice, that shit was made for me. Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls gets a 7/10 from me, it’s certainly not the best game but god damn if it didn’t ruin me.

NOW ENTERING, THE LARGE LADS, WHERE RANKING MATTERS

Number 5: Plants vs. Zombies (May 5, 2009), aka the sentiment from the memories I have playing it is enough to put it on here. I played Plants vs. Zombies one time in the past decade, and that was just last year. But, I played it with my significant other while I was in England visiting them. We bought it for 1 pound from a game store, and played it almost every. single. day. after we bought it. We beat the main story at least three times, and one of those times I played. Honestly, it’s still a really fucking fun game, and I wouldn’t go back and change a second of the time I played it. Plants vs. Zombies gets a 9/10 from me, it’s an incredibly polished game and the memories I have of it means it’ll hold a special place in my heart for a long time to come.

Number 4: Fallout: New Vegas (October 19, 2010), aka 234 hours of my life I will never get back. Fallout: New Vegas is a special experience that I’m certain will never have a replacement. It’s reached a place in my mind where if I ever want to experience a game like it again, there is no “other game” to go to, I just go back to New Vegas and play through it all again. I give Fallout: New Vegas an 8/10, it’s incredibly buggy, but I’ll never be able to escape its grasp.

Number 3: The Outer Worlds (October 25th, 2019), aka wait there’s another Fallout: New Vegas, damn that’s rad The Outer Worlds was introduced to me through this trailer, upon which everyone was hyping it up. The game was made by the developers of Fallout: New Vegas, it looked like it had way more polish, and it was a space adventure. So naturally, with all of these positives, I was fucking horrified at what we were going to get. I was so unbelievably afraid that Obsidian was going to release the game and it was going to be bad. Well, I bought it a couple weeks after release, and let me tell you what the days after were like: BioShock, it was fucking BioShock again, god DAMMIT. The Outer Worlds is a fun, amazingly written, anti-corporation, fuck you Bethesda, space adventuring, really fucking fun game. I’m pretty sure I did almost every side quest, only missing on a couple companion quests, and I did everything I could to get the ending I sought after the most. I wanted nothing more than to topple the Capitalist Assholes, so I did. Not only did the game let me do that, but it has LGBTQ+ characters, and holy shit are some of them comparable to the UV Rays the sun is trying to fucking end me with.  The Outer Worlds receives a 9/10 from me, and I should play it again.

Number 2: Fallout 2 (September 30th, 1998), aka wow this game is the most dated piece of media, can I play it forever? I honestly have no fucking clue why I fell so in love with Fallout 2. It’s got some real problematic elements, homophobic NPCs, some of the worst parts of society, literal slavers? Literal slavers? But for some reason, I’m happy playing a game with them, because there is almost no consequence to just wiping them the fuck out. Every time I play through this game, it’s just routine for me to kill the slavers, the drug producers, the Scientologists. It’s like, the most selective experience ever, I could probably do quests for these people, but nah, I wipe them out and the game just stands there with its hands in its pockets not saying a word. It doesn’t try to stop me, it doesn’t give me some stupid negative trait for what I did. So long as I survive the encounter, I’m free to just move on with my day. On top of that, it’s also got amazing characters, and an amazing story. You can tell the story’s amazing, because in Fallout 3 Bethesda tried to do it again, and failed miserably. Fallout 2 gets an 8/10 from me, it’s a buggy piece of shit, but with a mod that fixes it it’s a way for me to spend another 90 hours.

Number 1: OneShot (December 8th, 2016), aka the best video game experience. OneShot is one of those special game experiences where I have nothing that I dislike about it. The main character is one of my favorite characters ever, they are an absolute baby. Every other character in the game is likable, as well. I have honest to god tried to come up with something I dislike about OneShot and I just can’t think of it. I may not replay it multiple times, but I don’t need to. I’m so in love with OneShot, I don’t need to play it multiple times. As a matter of fact, I don’t need to play it. I don’t own OneShot, my significant other does, they bought it at my recommendation. OneShot will never stop being one of the most special experiences to me.  OneShot is a 10/10 game, and I genuinely, with all my heart, recommend anyone who has even slightly similar tastes to me to play it. It’s one of the most lovable games in gaming, has exclusively likable characters, and I will always adore Niko from it.

[creepyscritches]

So, I think I’m ready to lay my cards on the table. Bad news that I’m turning good with as much strength that I can muster. This got a lot longer than I planned, so I’ve tucked it beneath a readmore.

Last month my new job ran out of enough sustainable work to justify continuing my recent hire and gave me the axe on the last day of my first 90 days. It really shook me up and hit me hard in my professional self esteem to say the least. On top of the panic of losing a steady income at a new job I loved, I also lost my healthcare that same day, which to someone with a progressive autoimmune disease...that’s scary. They didn’t plan this to happen and it was unfortunate all around and left me with glowing references to aid me in my job search. I still see them as a loving group of people, but things happen and life happens.

Aside the shock, I’ve been dealing with a lot of embarrassment and shame that logically I know is unfounded, but that’s just how you react to this kind of stuff sometimes. This is why I’ve been pushing my Ko-fi and the wonderfully kind help all of you have given me has really kept me in a good place emotionally and that’s honestly more valuable than any money sent to me. I have pretty constant self harm and suicidal thoughts that surface multiple times a day for the past 10 years and to actually feel a genuine flood of warmth is just...idk it’s something that always feels unattainable, so when someone gifts me with kindness it’s an out of body sense of gratitude and vitality. Honestly, thank you.

The day I got home after losing my job, I asked for a bunch of requests and being able to connect with all of you and have fun drawing really was a miracle in how calm and reassured I felt. I know a lot of you follow me because you enjoy my funny art and I want to attest that I love making things that you love. Seeing excited comments or tags on my art really warms my heart and I feel a drive to make people smile even when things are dark for me--making happiness for people is my deepest form of self care. I’m glad y’all are here and I’m glad I can make you smile or laugh with my silly sense of humor.

My response to emergencies is usually to become numb and efficient; to be cold, calculating, and logical in an endeavor to resolve issues and tie up loose ends. Usually in situations like this, I only have to maintain this for short bursts like an emergency call or acting as a shield while I extract someone from a toxic environment, but this is more long term and it’s possible to weather me down if I keep focused on just the giant problem of finding a job.

Because of this, I’ve forcibly stepped back and observed the entirety of my circumstances and found that this period of unemployment has given me a real opportunity to address things I’ve shoved to the side out of fear of dealing with them. 

I got my mantra of “Be kind to yourself” tattooed over my left arm’s self harm scars in braille as a physical reminder to myself to treat myself like I am compelled to treat others. I’ve found myself running my fingers over the braille more and more recently and had some deep talks of encouragement with myself to take the first steps and observe what makes me better and to finally open up little by little and ask for help personally--to allow myself to be vulnerable. It’s not scary to be a shoulder for those who need it and to share my experiences with those who come to me for help with self harm, trauma, suicide, and abuse. It’s instinctual to be the warm safety these people need, but it’s personally terrifying for me to put myself in the role of the one asking for help.

I don’t think I’m a rare breed of person at all when it comes to being kind and offering guidance and dispelling fears of judgement, but this idea that when I finally come to someone that I’ll be judged, seen as lesser, and horrifyingly put in the same light I see myself in in someone I love’s eyes halts me in my tracks. It’s crippling mental illness, I know, but an illness is characterized by the fact that it can grip you against your will. Whether your kidneys fail or your legs slowly stop or your mind tells you you’re worthless, it’s out of your willpower’s control and that knowledge is exquisitely maddening and devastating. My fears are results of a diseased vital organ and that’s an immense weight to push past. I can only hope to crawl before I walk and aspire to eventually run, even with musings of how to kill myself later that day fogging up my vision.

I know art makes me happy. I know people smiling from my efforts makes me happy. I know crying with relief despite the walls blocking me from crying makes me happy. I know when people tell me they love me and miss me when I’m gone makes me happy. I want to know what else makes me happy; not just entertained or distracted, but truly warmly saturated with goodness.

Cooking for friends makes me glad I’m here and when my mom excitedly calls me just to hear my voice makes my emotions positively radiant. Having vacuumed carpets, freshly scrubbed bathrooms, and a spotless kitchen brings me joy, but I’ve learned a cluttered mayhem of art supplies and sketches at my work space makes me inspired and encouraged, so I accept some messiness is good for me while I need to remember that I feel great when I muscle through cleaning other aspects of my home. Hiding my shortcomings or misfortunes from people makes my gut feel full of sandpaper, but I’m teaching myself person by person that confiding in loved ones and being vulnerable truly only makes me feel weightless and that things are going to be okay.

I opened up to my mother about how frighteningly severe my mental illness is last week. She knows I’ve struggled with self harm for over a decade and that I have problems with taking leaps, but I’ve kept my scarier symptoms closely guarded from her my entire life. I finally told her that I can’t remember a day I haven’t thought about killing myself, even if I had been having a fun time. I told her that I can’t stop a constant barrage of thoughts that tell me I don’t need to be here, that I’m a waste, a failure, or that I’m just disgusting inside and out. I finally told her how helpless and scared I feel constantly and how I’ve been convinced I’m going to be my own cause of death since I was 10 or 11 years old. I’d never laid myself bare like that and I finally confessed that’s why my countless therapists haven’t been able to help since I couldn’t bring myself to admit the ugliest parts of myself and instinctively protected myself behind a shield of compensating and presenting as a successful determined prized student or career woman instead.

She treated me like I treat others who come to me with the same fears. It felt like a wall shattered and I could see the outside world for the first time. It felt like...I don’t know how to put it...like the world actually did include me in its count and it was faulty logic to think I’d always be the one left out of situations good or bad. She helped me look for some potential therapists and even offered to pay for my appointments, and she acted as a second opinion on possibly exploring the disability route for all this. But most importantly, she didn’t cry or panic like I’d always been afraid of making her do. She was the stability I need and held my hand through decisions and tasks and affirmed that my state is something unbelievably difficult. Idk, she just really made me feel strong when I feel so weak, you know?

I keep looking for things that make me feel happiness even in small amounts where it never was before. This week I discovered that hanging all my wall art makes me feel at home and glad to be awake to see it all. I spent about 30 minutes marveling over my mother’s incredible cross-stitch art that I’ve had in every home I’ve lived in since I was born. My favorite is an enormous jaguar against a black background, slinking from behind foliage, and looking piercingly to the distance behind the edges of the frame. I’ve loved it since I was little and I can’t believe I forgot how much warmth it gives me.

Looking around my home I always think about how much I love cacti, succulents especially, but have never bought any since I can’t keep plants alive to save my life. Sometimes the simplest answers are the last you think of: artificial plants. Even though I don’t have the money to do so now, I’ve been building wishlists of potted cacti, succulents, ivy, and flowers and mentally placing them around my home and I feel happy just imagining that I can have that environment eventually.

While mentally mapping out the plants, I realized I don’t ever hang my own art I love creating. In high school I used to make giant wall pieces but stopped when I moved out on my own, but now I think I’d like to feel the satisfaction of making a big piece and actually displaying it, even if it’s just for me to enjoy. There’s an exhilarating adrenaline rush to realize I can buy some canvases and create the big pieces of lounging felines and animals again and there’s nothing stopping me from spending a small amount of money on some canvas.

This whole time I’ve been looking for work, I’ve been mainly trying to be truly happy. I’m making little steps, but I feel amazing and full of life like those permanently thriving artificial cacti I’ve been fawning over. I’m going to be better, even if I stumble backwards, I’m going to always remember to put my foot back down and take another stride.

Times are rough, but I truthfully feel better than when they were good.

[voidsettle]

Birthday in Venice

                                                                                                          October 2018

Everyone suggests you should get lost in Venice. Funny thing is, you don't actually have a choice. First thing you do when setting foot on land is completely lose your sense of orientation, map or no map. Venice is as welcoming as a labyrinth of water and stone can be. Oh my, did I have fun with its feats!

Venetian masks; a lucky shot I got from the storefront at night after spying a random guy taking similar picture on his phone

This year, I've made the decision of spending the Big Day in a different country, away from people I know and love. My mom said there are three things you should never hesitate to spend your money on: food, books and travel. I heeded her advice, like the obedient daughter I was.

As (yet another) birthday present, I finally bought myself a DSLR camera. Photos aplenty!

Prepared by my solo trip to Rome, I was relaxed and at ease. Venice met me with sun through clouds and sparkles of water.

Confused Rant (Skip at Will)

Accademia Bridge between San Marco and Dorsoduro

Before I start praising the beauty of the place, I need to vent out my disappointments and be done with them.

The biggest shock I got during this trip was upon realization that Venice is not Italy. It's completely separate; Venetians hang out the winged-golden-lion-on-red flags of their city not the country they live in. They boast their history, they live engulfed in the past magnitude of the Venetian republic, the dominion dictating its will to the region if not the whole ‘enlightened’ world.

‘Venetians’ are only those living on the cluster of islands; mainland (deprecatingly referred to by true Venetians as Mestre) is a completely different thing.

They are pridefully blindfolded by the achievements of the past - which are impressive, no doubt. But.

Venice doesn't seem welcoming. It's a fascinating place, for sure, but it's not one I'd chose to live in. It's slowly dying, despite the flocks of tourists crowding the tiny streets. Not just drowning, although this is a real problem - but losing its touch with reality, completely dependent on the inflow of money brought by tourists yet also soaked with condescending disdain. As if asking you to leave your money and get the hell out of their islands, thank you very much (Venice is surprisingly expensive; in a day, you get the habit of taking out a wallet when entering a church).

Venetian gondolas, wharf at Grand Canal

Unlike Rome, oblivious to your presence, living its life, Venice wears its colorful, gaily painted hospitality mask and a painful scorn underneath, struggling between the need to please you and get rid of your presence. This is exactly my problem with tourist towns - they need tourists, but the feeling of silent, woeful aversion toward non-locals is ever-present and oppressively strong. Thanks, I hate it.

However, this is also a puzzle piece that makes Venice unique. I'm not exactly an inexperienced traveler, yet I rarely feel this strongly about places. The contrast here is stark (especially when emphasized by a short trip to Verona - this, a definitely Italian town), and it makes the place even more vivid in my memory.

Lost in Venice: The Labyrinth, the Moments, the Rhythm

Venice is one of those cities known around the world. Its history, its geography, its multitude of symbols and names (La Dominante, Queen of the Adriatic, City of Canals, City of Bridges, City of Masks). It became the appellative to other cities around the world. It astonishes at first glance; it's unique

The infrastructure of Venice is impressive. The city literally is built on swamps, the marshy land that sinks underfoot, not to mention the weight of stone and brick buildings. To strengthen the soil, long wooden piles were installed to reach the firm clay underneath sand and mud. The wood used is still argued to be either alder trees from southern Baltics or Russian pines (probably the former). Either way, the wood is water resistant, given its century-old age and excellent preservation state.

To boot, Venice, surrounded by the sea, had no source of fresh water. Today, it is delivered from mainland. In the days of Venetian republic, a system of water cisterns that collected rain was constructed - hence the huge stone socles of wells on nearly every campo.

There is an anecdote roaming among the tour guides that some of these stone wells were stolen by insane tourists as souvenirs from Venice.

Venetian water cistern. The most unbelievable part is that, in the wells, the preserved water is probably still drinkable

The unusual geography gives way to even less usual architecture. Usually I'm pretty decent with maps and finding my way in a new city. Venice shattered my confidence to shards when I spent nearly two hours for a walk that should've taken no more than 15 minutes, and after finding myself going in circles. That was a start! The first day I arrived, I didn't have plans but wanted to have a bite and then get to San Marco - well, good luck with that. An hour later, despite living in 10 minutes walk from the piazza, I found myself in the middle of Castello, a completely different neighborhood of Venice - actually further from the destination.

Venice has 6 neighborhoods (sestieri): San Marco, San Polo, Cannaregio, Castello, Dorsoduro and Santa Croce.

San Marco is the only piazza in Venice. Although the place doesn't lack squares, they're all called campos, literally fields, since were used as such when Venice was built. The houses faced water, and it was the only way to get from one island to another (hence boat transportation system). Naturally, every island needed somewhere to grow food, and a church for the people living on each separate island. That's the trademark of Venetian urban planning: a campo with a church and a well for rainwater.

The house located on the peak of the island but looks like it is the island

I cannot remember the last time I was this fascinated by the way a place is built. It's literally a labyrinth, with dead ends of tiny private squares (never closed; you can get anywhere and knock on any door if you wish) and steps leading into water. Even with a clear idea of a direction in mind (and a first couple of turns you need to make remembered), you are bound to get lost. There are little to no identifiers (if you don't count the names of streets and campos, which tell you precisely nothing), with pointed signs reserved for major attractions like San Marco and Rialto.

Campos are often named after the churches that are or were standing here (signified by letter 'S', e.g. Campo S Maria Formosa).

Besides, some of the street names repeat (like Via del Forno, or literally Baker Street - specifically because bakers were important for every island, so most of the islands have one of those). It's best to avoid making appointments without specifying the sestiere.

Despite how scary this may sound, I relished in this feeling of being lost and aimless (control freak, present). It's a rare sensation of freedom, unobtrusive and calming, when you forget everything and just wander around with only a vague understanding of your final goal: food, coffee, sites, excitement!

I was cautioned GPS goes nuts in this water-stone labyrinth; it's not always the case, but having a paper map on you is still not a bad idea. And throw in an umbrella to the kit: Venice enjoys being rainy.

San Marco is (obviously) the busiest, most chaotic among the Venetian sestieri. Always full of tourists - even near midnight, even in its narrowest, smallest of streets. In comparison, Cannaregio and most of Dorsoduro look empty, almost deserted. The rest of the sestieri are relaxed, drowning in quiet slumber.

Every city is different and beautiful in its own right - there are people that make them unique. There are moments to witness in the quietest sestieri - and in the busiest of crowds.

A nun dressed in white descending the stairs of a half-blocked bridge, with a dove scared away from her feet. A group of middle-aged tourists abstrusely discussing the architecture of a baroque church in some incomprehensible language. A couple of elderly friends having a cozy chat at the bench on a tiny campo, with cigarettes smoking in their lazy fingers. A woman walking her minuscule dog along one of the wider canals near Rio dei Mendicanti. A colorful boat that looks like a toy bobbing on the busy waves of Cannaregio. Doors with quirky handles at the center of the frame, scattered all over the city. White-necked, grey-winged seagulls crowning the chimneys of old houses in desperate need of repainting.Colorful enjoyably shaped masks crowded in the shops. A couple sitting on the pavement at the water's edge, the woman going through the contents of her bag while the man smiles at passersby. An intricately cut wooden paddle in the showcase. An artist's workshop on full display with floor-level windows - or a woodworker's, hidden at the back corner of a narrow street. The most peculiar style of windows made of bottle bottoms (this can be seen all over Venetian region, in churches, palaces and old houses). Small crooked bridges with fragile rails. Gondolas hidden among the forest of striped palines, and gondoliers in striped shirts and straw boaters with red ribbons - smoking, chatting, singing. A kitten playing on the windowsill among the plants in pots. People sitting on marble stairs of the churches. Traditional hexagonal Venetian lamp posts of pink glass. Students sketching hastily in their notepads. A guy with the sun stuck in his ruffled dark hair photographing the lagoon. A group of men in acid-orange lifesavers' jackets smoking during break near their ambulance boats. A policeman bowing his head to a Madonna in a dilapidated wooden shrine. A messy old bookshop with human-high stacks of multi-colored books felled outside the door.

At times I think I've seen less than I could - because I kept getting lost in streets and thoughts.

The rhythm is everywhere. The lulling tempo of residential houses with their rounded windows. The dignified cadence of lofty Renaissance palaces (especially evident on Piazza San Marco, with its Doge's Palace and the Procuratie). The clear pulse of campos, churches, water wells and - most distinctively - bridges, small, grand, wide, connecting two or even three islands, crossing Grand Canal, leading into stores and homes.

What to see in Venice:

San Marco sestiere:

piazza San Marco

basilico di San Marco

St Mark's Campanile

St Mark's clocktower

palazzo Ducale

Bridge of Sighs

Procuratie Vecchie and Procuratie Nuove (Museo Correr, Venice National Archeological Museum, Biblioteca Nazionale Marciana)

chiesa di San Zulian

chiesa di San Moise

campo San Luca

chiesa San Luca

Rio Tera dei Assassini

Scala Contarini del Bovolo

chiesa di San Salvador

Rialto bridge and terrazza panoramica

chiesa di Santo Stefano

Museo della Musica

campo Santo Stefano

Instituto Veneto di Scienze Lettere ed Arti

basilica di San Giorgio Maggiore (Isola San Giorgio)

Dorsoduro sestiere:

Accademia bridge

Santa Maria della Salute

fondamente Zattere ai Saloni (fondamente dei Incurabili)

chiesa del Redentore (Giudecca)

campo Santa Margherita

Santa Croce sestiere:

Constitution bridge

Venetian subway (3 stops in total)

San Polo sestiere:

chiesa di San Giacomo Apostolo (hosting musical museum)

San Simeon Piccolo

Cannaregio sestiere:

Santa Maria di Nazareth (Gli Scalzi)

Ponte degli Scalzi

La Maddalena

Madonna dell'Orto

La Scuola nuova di Santa Maria della Misericordia

chiesa dell'Abbazia della Misericordia

Ca' d'Oro

chiesa di Santa Maria dei Miracoli

Castello sestiere:

Scuola Grande di San Marco

basilica of Saints John and Paul

chiesa di Santa Maria Formosa

chiesa di Sant'Antonin

Venetian Arsenal

Sotoportego e Corte Delfina

basilica di San Pietro di Castello

Cimitero di San Michele (the island of St Michael)

The Brighter Side of Islands

Burano

Before getting here, I planned spending my birthday roaming aimlessly around Venice, getting lost in its streets. But that is every day in Venice, so instead I bought a 24-hour public transport pass and went to see the islands.

The public transport in Venice is water-based. Aside from the trademark gondolas, there is a variety of yachts, motorboats, and, local signature vehicle, vaporettos. These come in different configurations depending on the routes - the best, in my opinion, have seats on the front, in the open air, serving partly as a tourist transport.

Throughout the trip, the weather in Venice was a bit moody, although thankfully not rainy. Saturday, the 13th, however, happened to be the sunniest day of the trip. Standing outside, wind tangled in my hair, barely able to see anything as sun threw handfuls of golden sparks into my eyes, I intensely enjoyed the feeling of speed, scent of salty water and marshy earth, the old stone and red roofs covering the patches of land scattered here and there.

Sunglasses come handy during such water-trips, unless temporary blindness is a viable option.

First stop was Murano, historical area dedicated to glass factories and, today, featuring numerous showcases of artists that are not unlike museums full of oddest, most peculiar and wondrous glass sculptures. Walking along the quay, it is possible to find an artshop that has free tours on glass sculpture production.

For me, Murano was the area's first glimpse of a true Mediterranean palette: bright whites, pure blues and fresh, light greens. Waiting in line for the tour, I delighted in the view of the lagoon. Festive, clean yachts, all white gleaming surfaces and polished wooden panels the color of dark honey with even darker veins. Neat paths and lanes covered with white smoothly round gravel. Soigne yards with delicately trimmed bushes. Blue-and-white striped mooring posts (aka palines, another one of Venetian symbols on par with gondolas and bridges).

Pomegranate tree full of red fruits - looks just like Charles Demuth's 'Plums' (1925)

The inner Murano has a different feel than the seaside: it's much wider. Besides, Murano has much less canals - I saw literally one, the rest is all streets and inner patios, quiet, serene, bathed in sun and empty; the closest place in Venice must be the northern side of Cannaregio, closer to the old Jewish quarters.

Waiting lines to get out of Murano are enormous. Be prepared to spend at least half an hour, whether you leave for Venice or for Burano, the next-favorite stop.

You can skip Murano if not very interested in glass and in order to save some time. Skipping Burano, on the other hand, is a sin for any traveler.

The houses of this small island are unique: each has its own designated color, which is ruled by the local government to preserve the look of the town - truly a museum under the open roof. Burano is a study of cheerful, bright colors. It's fun catching people in front of houses the color of their clothes.

Burano is widely known for its textiles - the main street running inland from the wharf is covered in the assortment of shops selling lace umbrellas (souvenirs and human-sized), fans, corsets, scarves et cetera. As the shops give way to homey cafes and quaint restaurants, the crowd thins out, flowing along the splitting canals.

Real-life drama broke out on the quay. A Japanese girl dropped her phone into one of the canals - and she actually managed to fish it out using a scoop-net provided by some compassionate local. I was observing while pity and mirth dueled to be plastered all over my face.

Behind the Burano main streets, a much quieter area runs along the quay at the murmurous accompaniment of a street singer playing something sweetly romantic. This is an enchanted area for picnics - spacious green lawns under the rich crowns and low branches of firs, warm pale-yellow sun, cool stone parapet, sprinkles of light glistening off the waves and drops of water from the tumultuous waves, seagulls touching wings over the waters and fast motorboats passing by.

Take off your shoes to enjoy the fresh breeze and let your feet some rest. Have a glass of Prosecco and a seafood salad on the central square of the island, near chiesa di San Martino. Awe at the leaning tower protruding from the colorful rooftops (actually, Italy is full of those; Pisa is just the most famous).

Torcello offers little in comparison - just an old church of Santa Fosca (XI-XII centuries), an even older cathedral of Santa Maria Assunta (639 AD) surrounded by the garden of ancient sculptures (including Trono di Attila) and its belltower with the view of the marshes of the Venetian lagoon (truly makes one imagine what this place was before an empire was built upon the morass). Leisurely crowds stroll to visit the ancient sites, passing by Ponte del Diavolo, an unfinished bridge remarkable for its lack of handrail.

Panorama from the top of Santa Maria Assunta belltower, Torcello

Way back to Venice (and Lido, my final stop on this island run) was marked with sun hovering over the horizon, throwing a haze of pink-blue blanket over the lagoon. In this tremulant light, the dark shadows of palines protrude from the soft waters, ragged and cankered.

Palines mark the waterpaths like the posts of highways; grouped in three, weathered, dark from time and water, partly rotten to the point of only the upper half remaining. They are bizarre, surreal as they bask in the translucent dusk, a mirage reflected in the water amalgamating with the sky.

Lido gained fame for its long beach. Facing the open Adriatic sea, it makes a wonderful case for both sunrises and sunsets. Pity, I was 10 minutes too late for the sunset (I blame the unhurried vaporettos), and instead only caught the last glimpses of it

Staying in Venice, you forget about such integral part of modern life as cars. Not even bicycles make sense on the islands connected with innumerable bridges, most of which have stairs, the tiny streets that at times allow only one person, and the crowds that flock them. For this reason, on Lido, I caught myself staring for consecutive five minutes at a bus, feeling something was wrong but unable to pinpoint what exactly. Until it hit me: people were standing at a crosswalk waiting for the car flow to subside. For a person living in a metropolis, this is a weird feeling to experience.

Lido sports the ambiance of a typical tourist resort near the sea - very unlike the deeply historical, proud and arrogant Venice.

The final touch of the day was dinner at La Colombina, a Michelin restaurant found on the side street of Strada Nova. I relished in the sensation of being cared for: an assortment of traditional Venetian dishes by the recommendation of maitre d'hotel and a glass of white wine offered by a sommelier followed by black coffee served as good as in Sarajevo.

Bridge near San Zaccaria station, Venice

Venice is the water-borne city, and experiencing it from water is an integral and wholesome experience, whether a gondola ride or a trip down Grand Canal (better not to mix those, traffic on the central Venetian waterway is competitive). A night vaporetto shows off the lighting wonders, from the rigorous black-and-white facades to the flirtatious pinks and warm yellows of palaces turned posh hotels.

Getting home from the vaporetto station, I decided I should be able to find the way on my own, without being glued to the screen of my phone. I was wrong, obviously; after an hour I caught myself staring at a vaguely familiar balcony that I passed under ten minutes ago. That was when I realized I've uncovered the true character of Venice and finally let go of all hope finding the way on my own in this city. A profoundly enjoyable awareness.

What to see on the islands:

glass factories and artshops (Murano)

Cometa di vetro (Murano)

chiesa di San Martino and leaning belltower (Burano)

Ponte del Diavolo (Torcello)

chiesa di Santa Fosca

cathedral of Santa Maria Assunta and belltower (Torcello)

Museo di Torcello (garden of sculptures)

Trono di Attila (Torcello)

beach Lido de Venezia

Verona: Consistency Through the Ages

Ponte Pietra, river Adige, Verona

At first I planned on visiting Padua, but a girl at my hotel's reception was surprised enough to convince me to change the destination to Verona, a small, well-preserved medieval town an hour inland away from Venice.

It is my guess that most people come to Verona because of one minor play by some insignificant English playwright. Naturally, I was prepared to pay my respects to Juliet's abode, yet it wasn't the best place I've seen in Verona (it didn't even cut to top ten).

I am weak toward cities that have a clear route encircling all the major attractions, as if it was built for exploration. Verona uncovers historical layers through its architectural milestones. Pre-Christian era is embodied in Roman edifices including the local colosseum, Arena di Verona (third biggest after Rome and Capua), Porta Borsari (ancient gate in the city wall surrounded by medieval houses and oleander bushes) and Teatro Romano, a grim, gray structure across Adige river and up the hill. The Romanesque Cattedrale di Santa Maria Matricolare featuring two reconstructed Paleo-Christian churches and one of the oldest functioning libraries in the world is a study of several ages of early Christianity. The Gothic Arche Scaligere is so intricate one can spend days studying its decorations, and the red-brick Castelvecchio, the powerful square construction of war explains the military aspirations of the Medieval Verona.

Piazza delle Erbe (literally Herb Square) features statues and fountains of different eras dating back to Roman rule through the Middle Ages. The market in the middle of piazza is still selling fresh vegetables and herbs, the epitome of integrity (a pleasant change from modern inconsistency)

In the train, I by chance overheard a conversation by fellow tourists who were also going to Verona and discussing the places to eat. That's how I got my lunch destination. It appears, in Verona, horse meat is a thing.

There's much less people compared to Venice; a breath a fresh air (both figuratively and literally). Quiet old streets, paved in uneven stones, lead to the tumultuous Adige and the white Ponte Pietra.

Compared to Venice, this is real Italy: a river across the town, enchained in high stone walls, manacled by elderly bridges; motley planes along the quay, dappled in summer sunlight; old red brick castle with Gothic merlons along the walls

The walk around the city is calm, warm and fits in the span of several hours. Quite an enjoyable detour.

What to see in Verona:

Porta Nuova

piazza Bra

Arena di Verona

palazzo Barbieri

palazzo della Gran Guardia

Casa di Giulietta

piazza delle Erbe

Madona di Verona

Torre dei Lamberti

piazza dei Signori

Arche Scaligere

chiesa di Sant'Anastasia

Ponte Pietra

Teatro Romano

chiesa dei Santi Siro e Libera

castel San Pietro

cattedrale di Santa Maria Matricolare

chiesa di Sant'Eufemia

Porta Borsari

Castelvecchio and its bridge

Arco dei Gavi

Coming back to Venice, I managed to catch sunset at San Marco. The seagulls here are fierce and beautiful creatures; it's not always a good idea to carry food around

What to eat:

cicchetti (bite-sized snacks common for bacari, traditional Venetian bars)

sarde in saor (pickled fried sardines with onions)

baccala mantecato (cod cream)

risotto al nero di seppia (black rice and seafood)

risi e bisi (rice and peas soup)

bigoli in salsa (pasta with onions and salt-cured fish)

fegato alla veneziana (liver and onions)

moleche (fried small crabs)

scampi alla veneziana (shrimps)

caparossi a scota deo (clams)

scampetti con polenta (baby shrimps served on polenta)

baicoli (biscuits)

fritole venessiane (sweet pastry served during Venetian Carnival)

pincia (sweet pastry)

buranelle (sweet biscuits)

zabaglioni (egg dessert)

What to drink (alcohol is important in Venice - drink your days away):

Aperol Spritz (Venetian signature cocktail, refreshing and fun)

Bellini

Prosecco (white wine, commonly sparkling)

Soave (white wine, good with fish dishes)

Orto di Venezia, Venissa (white wines)

Valpolinella and Amarone (red wines)

vino della casa (homemade wine, usually less expensive and rarely served in traditional wine glasses)

Final Word

Sunset at piazza San Marco

Venice is a city of its own character, sometimes oblivious, sometimes arrogant and condescending - but it surely has the right to be so. Hit some sweet Vivaldi, order a glass of Aperol Spritz at bacaro - and let yourself get lost in this bizarre, lovable chaos.

[theolddarkmachine]

Must Love Cats- Chapter 10

Levy hadn’t planned on being a pet sitter when she’d moved into the city. She also hadn’t planned on pet sitting for a sex god either, but here she was.

AKA the one where Levy is a pet sitter, Gajeel is her client, and Lily is the glue that binds them together.

This is it guys! The one before the epilogue! It’s a bit scary posting this because I really don’t want to disappoint. My apologies in advance if I do. And as alway, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS AND COME ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME!

*********************************

Two hours. That was how many hours of sleep Levy had gotten thanks to her nerves, which in turn, only made her nerves worse. She’d become quite familiar with the topography of the textured ceiling above her in those hours as she’d stared up at it. Every possible excuse to get out of work for the next day ran through her mind, each getting increasingly more unbelievable as the night wore on. (It started as simple as feigning food poisoning and ended with alien abduction.) As her alarm sounded, startling her from her already fitful sleep, she stared up at the ceiling again and listened to the sound of Lucy’s breathing on the other side of the room.

If she was less of a person, she would call out, but she knew she couldn’t. No matter how things could possibly end that day, she couldn’t let the rest of her client’s down like that just because she was too selfish to face Gajeel and Lily again. That’s it, she thought to herself as she pushed herself up, you’re going to do this and everything will work out.

And if it wasn’t? Well, she’d just cross that bridge when she got there.

***

“You know, Hotdog, if you wanted to do something wild like drag me super far away so I can’t go to that visit, that would be greatly appreciated right now,” Levy said to the giant dog. She hadn’t actually been assigned to him since the incident a couple months back, which had given her an overwhelming sense of deja vu. She’d been consumed with thoughts of Gajeel and Lily during that visit too, now that she thought about it. At the time she’d cursed the dog for running off and trying to get her killed, but now she cursed him for being so well behaved as they went for their walk. He was even sat now whenever they reached a street to cross to await the go ahead to cross.

“Of course you’re a perfect angel now,” she mumbled under her breath. “Just couldn’t do me this solid this one time, huh?” Levy pulled her phone from her back pocket to check how they were doing on time. The timer showed 15 minutes left in their visit, which meant 15 minutes until the last visit standing between her and her doom ended. Unless she gave Hotdog a longer walk out of the goodness of her heart.

When she’d awakened this morning and decided she was going to face the visit head on, she’d still been a bit sleep deprived and had that early morning kick of adrenaline. Now, after the day had passed, so had her resolve. It was too late to back out now, but dammit she was going to put it off as long as possible. Almost as if he sensed her distress, Hotdog nudged her leg with his big head. Smiling down at him, she ruffled his ears.

“I’ll be fine, cutie pie,” she cooed at him. The large mutt licked her hand before turning his attention back towards their path. With any luck, it would be an easy visit with Lily and nothing will have changed. It was wishful thinking, of course, Levy wasn’t stupid. The guilt of his sickness always weighed on her in the back of her mind. Even worse was the guilt of ignoring his owner and basically ghosting him as soon as she’d found out Lily was fine. Erza was right, she was running away, and that weighed on her too. She was running, because if you didn’t allow yourself the happiness, the happiness couldn’t be taken away. It had been a great strategy up to this point anyway.

Her phone vibrated, alerting her that Hotdog’s time requirement had been met and causing her heart to race. Almost as if he knew time was up, the dog turned back towards his home and started to pull her in that direction.

“Traitor,” she breathed as she followed behind him. The walk, which had taken all of 30 minutes to do somehow took just 10 minutes to get back, which Levy was certain was some cruel twist of fate. Before she knew it, she found herself parked in the parking lot at Gajeel’s complex with her hands clutching the wheel so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. No matter how much she willed herself to just get out of the car and get it over with, her body stayed petrified in the car. That was, until her ringtone cut through the silence, causing her to jump and let out a sharp scream. Lucy’s name flashed across the screen.

“Hey,” was all she managed when she finally answered the phone. Her heart was still racing as it tried to hammer its way out of her chest.

“You sound stressed,” Lucy replied, cutting straight to the chase. Not that Levy expected any less. “It’s about that time, isn’t it?” She continued without allowing Levy the chance to deny her claim.

“Unfortunately,” she said lowly, chewing on the corner of her thumbnail. If Juvia was there, she’d smack her hand away and remind her that it was a terrible habit to have. However, she wasn’t, so she chewed away. She heard her friend sigh on the other end.

“It’s going to be fine, Lev,” Lucy calmly said. “If he was mad at you, he wouldn’t have asked you to take care of Lily again.” It was nice to hear her friend say it, and did help calm her nerves down slightly.

“But what if-”

“No, no what if’s, Levy.  Those two words together will do nothing but haunt you.” Lucy’s voice was strong with conviction. “Trust me, Lev, everything will be fine. And if it isn’t, well, I have a nice pint of ice cream and a bottle of whiskey waiting for you.” It was strange that that was what caused tears to prick the corners of Levy’s eyes, yet here she was as they threatened to spill over. Lucy was right. It would be fine. And if it wasn’t... she wasn’t going to think about if it wasn’t.

“Thanks, Luce,” Levy replied, voice barely above a whisper.

“Anytime,” was all her friend said before the line went dead. With a steadying breath, Levy undid her seatbelt, got out of her car and headed into the complex. Avoiding eye contact with the front desk attendant, she headed straight for the elevator. The ride was relatively short-- too short, in fact-- before she found herself standing at Gajeel’s front door. She carefully put in the code, taking her time as she got the key out and closed it back up again.

Here goes nothing. With a quick turn in both locks, Levy opened the door. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting upon coming in, but the feeling of returning home was not it. Though her heart had been racing and she’d been a nervous wreck all day, the one place she’d been dreading somehow was also providing her solace. She closed the door behind her and took in the silence of the apartment. Lily was nowhere to be found, which was weird for him, but she supposed she wouldn’t want to say hi to her either if she was Lily. The last time he’d seen her had ended in a surgery after all. Walking towards the kitchen to get Lily’s food prepared, she noticed a vase of flowers on the counter. They were lilac and yellow lilies, and they were absolutely stunning. She drew closer to the arrangement, and was enveloped by their delicate floral scent. There didn���t seem to be a card on them, and she wondered if someone had sent them to Gajeel after Lily’s surgery. Though she wasn’t sure if flowers would live that long. Maybe they were really late? Or maybe Gajeel was a flower person?

Leaning in, she smelled one of the lilies, amazed at how they smelled and how beautiful they were. She hadn’t ever seen lilies with that coloring before. Suddenly, she felt something nudge against her arm. A panicked gasp escaped her lips as she pulled back to see Lily rubbing his head against her arm. Her eyes started to burn with tears as he let out a soft meow and continued to drag the rest of his body across her arm.

“I missed you too, Lil,” she hiccuped as she started to pet the black cat. The tears spilled over as she began to pet him, causing the cat to purr loudly. She had missed him so much. The fingers of her right hand stroked his glossy coat as she wiped away her tears with her left. She suddenly felt lighter as she realized everything really was fine. Even his stomach had regrown its hair nicely and it was almost as if you couldn’t even tell what had happened. She started to scratch behind his ears, making even louder purrs erupt from his chest. It was then that she saw the piece of paper tied to his collar with a ribbon. Untying it carefully, she unfolded the note and though she’d only seen it once, she instantly recognized the handwriting. There wasn’t much written in the note, and yet she found herself rereading it.

Dear Levy,

I really appreciate you and all that you do for me. I’m sorry I gave you such a scare, but it wasn’t your fault. I’ve really missed you, and was hoping you’d stick around for awhile longer. Dad has really missed you too, so I was wondering if you’d consider going on a date with him?

Love,

Lily

Next to Lily’s name was a little paw print. She felt the smile start to stretch across her lips before she even realized she had started to smile. Scooping Lily into her arms, she hugged him to her chest where her heart felt like it was going to explode, and planted a kiss on top of his head.

“So is that a yes?” Levy’s head snapped up to see Gajeel standing in the entrance of his hallway, leaning against the wall and watching her with soft eyes. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“I missed you, too,” was all she said, voice soft as she struggled to find it. Her heart continued to swell with joy as she continued to hug the cat to her chest and take in Gajeel who was now walking slowly towards her. He wasn’t mad at her, and neither was Lily, which was already more than she could ask for. Gajeel stopped just inches away from her. Lifting his hand, he gently pushed hair back from her face. She leaned into the touch as he then wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

“So is that a yes?” He repeated, his voice low and deep as he leaned in towards her. Hazel met amber as she looked up into his eyes, before her gaze flickered down to his mouth. Her skin was on fire, and if she just stood on her tippy toes, she could close the incredibly small gap between them. Of course she knew the answer. She’d always known the answer.

“Yes,” she finally breathed. There wasn’t enough time for his smile to take her breath away before he leaned the rest of the way down and pressed his lips to hers. It was short lived as Lily meowed loudly, making them jump apart and causing the both of them to laugh. With Lily in her arms and Gajeel looking at her the way he was, Levy was pretty sure she could get used to this. He playfully ruffled his cat’s ears and smiled at her.

Yeah. She could get used to this.

[thenamelesskitty-blog]

Always Listen to Your Mother, Especially If She Might Be An Oracle (part 1/2)

I was born to a deeply rural family. Where our property ended, the wilderness began. Our forested foothills trailed into mountains, which eventually became federal land, with no roads or houses between. We were—they were; my father was a child in this story—in the middle of nowhere. My forebears had seen enough war to like it that way.

The Katsoros family consisted of simple, earthy people. They worked hard. They produced fine leather. They went to church. They were not weird or mysterious or anything else that made them noteworthy…with the possible exception of my grandmother, Iro.

She was an interesting woman. She was polite and kind, respectful of the land and respected throughout the nearby village. Even so, “witch” may been applicable. (She once whispered “oracle” into my ear, too quiet for even the walls to hear.) Her oddity wasn’t blatant. There were no vague, riddle-laden prophecies. She didn’t wear a blindfold and toga; she wore homemade dresses that were just a little out of style. She didn’t cook potions; she cooked delicious kataifi. She was never called an oracle, but people knew to listen.

This breed of denied mysticism is a weird truth of Greece. Natives grow up with a trove of stories even they call mythological, but most can’t help but pay attention. These always weren’t fairy tales. They had once been religion and accepted reality, and something of that old faith winds through each strand of our DNA.

Some Greeks are good Christians who genuinely decry “pagan superstition.” (Most are, so far as I know.) A few are Atheist. Some are worldly people who have never given an honest thought to spirituality. But, way out there in the deep forests, amongst pools and mountains and monuments that personally witnessed the “mythological” days, you can’t help but feel something. You can’t help but sense something other than fish in the water. You can’t help but avoid a too-perfect clearing. And you can’t help but remember that some things are bigger than common sense. Your sense is very common indeed, limited by knowledge and experience. Whether you’d been around 10 or 80 years, Greece had a head start of millennia.

Even still, while the land may know better than any mortal, my dad’s mother was a close second. He certainly wasn’t about to correct her.

 “Stop right there, Vas!”

The boy froze with the front door ajar, caging his groan with a grimace and trying to figure out what he’d forgotten. His chores were done. He had no homework. It wasn’t cold enough for a jacket, even by his mother’s looser standards.

There was no time to figure it out. His mother strode towards him and he could only stare dumbly.

“Vasilhs Katsoros! You will not be traipsing off into the forest without your filhata.”

This time, he failed to restrain an annoyed exclamation, which earned him a harmless swat. In almost the same moment, he felt a leather cord dangle in front of his neck while familiar hands clasped it in back. “Mom, I’m not a baby! Adults don’t wear these.”

“Smart ones do,” she retorted. “And you even got to design yours to be ‘cool.’”

“There is nothing cool about wearing baby charms.”

“Well, while you’re being off being a big, safe loser in the forest, be careful and be home for dinner.” She kissed his hair and headed inside. (Dad recalled this interaction in great detail. His mom really did use the words “big, safe loser.” She sounds fantastic.)

Vas sighed, tucking the necklace under his shirt before some lost bus of cute girls broke down in front of the house and laughed at him. That kind of thing happened. He had seen television.

Speaking of which, Vas had also learned other things about girls. Crushes, hilarious mishaps, grand gestures, and so on. In the end, the hero would always a) get the girl, or b) end up with the girl who was right for him all along. He wanted in on that. He wasn’t sure what “that” was, exactly, but he thought a girl at school was pretty and dating surely meant that they would be best friends. Good deal.

So, per his fiction-fueled romantic wiles, he strode through the forest with intent and a pocket knife, and didn’t stop until he reached the grandest tree in this part of the woods: a beautiful, ancient oak with branches so broad and heavy they arched towards the ground all around, providing shelter to countless creatures and unbelievable climbing for small humans.

Despite its tremendous size and age, the tree was unmarred. There were no hearts or initials or graduation dates carved anywhere into its flesh. No scars from bears sharpening their claws or deer shedding their felt. That probably should have been a red flag. Vas, however, had split his attention between scrambling upward and finding somewhere to carve his initials alongside the girl’s.

The moment he found the perfect spot, he knew. It helped that he couldn’t easily climb higher, which would make it hard to show off his work if he tried. So, just over the gentle curves of a heart-like burl, he began to carve, smiling as he pictured his charming self from a narrator’s point of view.

By the time he finished the V, there seemed to be excessive sap. He may have expected it in spring, but not now.  It was easy to shrug off. When he started on the third line of the “K,” however, the knife slowed to a halt in acknowledgement of Vas’s growing unease.

As more and more sap ran from his passionate carvings, its unnatural hue became increasingly apparent. The scent of iron overwhelmed the rich, vague sweetness of proper oak. The boy cringed, staring at it. He hesitated awhile, and finally reached out slowly. Despite its thicker texture, the intense red sticking and unsticking between his fingers was unmistakable: the tree was bleeding.

Bleeding like a person.

Before he could process his horror, the undergrowth began to rustle.

When the disturbance began, ten-year-old dad was calmly curious from his safe perch, so unworried as to leave his gaze locked to the eerily crimson sap.

The rustling intensified, not so much in distance as in scope. Vines that had previously surrounded the great oak began slithering into the brush, pulled steadily by an unseen hand. Their deep roots followed, largely unbroken, and entire plants disappeared. All the while, every leaf for what sounded like miles began to rattle.

Vasilhs was rattled, too, and finally looked down to watch. Honest blue eyes widened in equally honest fright.

Saplings that stood taller than his current perch trembled all the way up their boldest branches. Their undergrowth was thinning, too. More roots snaked towards something unseen. Bushes crawled away. Still, the forest remained too thick to see far beyond the edge of the clearing.

Vas’s heart hammered.

The saplings themselves tilted to sick angles, leaning away from the rustling as though bowing to the horrified human. Then, they were dragged down too, disappearing into a strangely dense patch of flora he’d initially taken for a boulder.  

The air was starting to feel wrong.

The world was starting to sound wrong.

Something big was starting to breathe.

Whatever survival instincts the boy had managed to accumulate in his short life were conflicted: did he run or climb higher? Run or hide?  Luckily for him, he began moving before his inner voices came to an agreement. His feet thumped hard into soft, disturbed earth.

RUN.

He ran. To his unadulterated horror a tremendous slam vibrated the entire forest behind him, followed by another, and then another. Something had taken chase. His shoes slapped into the ground with increasing frequency, inaudible in his pursuer’s din.

Faster.

Too slow.

It’s going to get you.

Vas had never moved so fast, but frequent stumbles left him crying with all the frustrated terror of a wounded rabbit. At first, the few lucid thoughts he strung together blamed careless speed.

He didn’t know better—not for certain—until he hit the ground again. As his hands scrambled to shove him upright, one landed on a thick stem. Before he could launch his weight upward, the plant jerked back towards the thing hunting him, dragging his hand with it and throwing the boy bodily onto his face. When the vine became aware, somehow, of the human’s touch, it curled. Vas stared in mute horror as it wrapped around his hand.

His silence didn’t last long. Neither did the plant’s unfinished grip. It reached longingly after the screaming, sprinting child.

The ground dragged backward like a treadmill. Whenever he slowed for breath or otherwise fell behind, roots and branches grabbed at his ankles. The closer he was to whatever was behind him, the more active the treacherous plants became. Sometimes he slid backward, and his terror kept supplying a fresh reserve of strength. The sounds behind him felt all-encompassing. Vas imagined a grasping hand crawling after him on clawed fingers the size of trees. The boy flew past plants and plants dragged past him, consumed by the source of a growing roar he didn’t dare to look at.

You died if you looked back. TV taught him that, too.

His lungs burned. His muscles screamed. The world had blurred. He wasn’t sure whether everything was changing or he was seeing it through tears. Probably both. (He could hear it breathing.) His neck stung. Vas clawed at it as he ran. The vines he’d expected weren’t there: his throat was just raw from screaming. (It was stomping after him. It had footsteps like thunderclaps.) He couldn’t run any farther. He was going to fall. He was going to die. The forest was trying to retract its entire floor. His head swam.

Plants wrenched from under his feet and towards whatever was pulling them. It wanted to reel him in, too. (It was GROWING.) He skipped and stumbled, fighting to stay on his feet. Considering the outcome, the prospect of falling was just as scary as his pursuer. (It was CLOSER.)

An indefinable exclamation exploded from the boy’s mouth as he burst onto his family’s property. His waning sprint hardened once more as his feet pounded across the clearing. He didn’t slow until he reached the house’s door, pounding and bawling and screaming for help. For some reason, it didn’t occur to him to open it. Luckily, with that kind of furor, it didn’t take long for his mother to tear open the door.

She stared at her bloodstained child until she looked over his head to whatever had pursued him. (The horrific thing had stopped at the tree line.) Then, she paled. With an utterance Vas didn’t understand, she dragged him inside, slammed the door, and dropped to her knees behind him.

The child still snuffled and sobbed while his mother frantically looked him over for injury, seeking the source of the bloodbath marring his front side. When the “blood” stuck to her fingers like molasses, she lost what little color she’d yet retained, eyes widening even further. She was silent for some long seconds.

“Vasilhs,” she breathed. “What did you DO?”

“I didn’t-”

She grabbed his shoulders, started to speak, and then closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. It was a long time before she succeeded. At least, it felt that way to Vas. It was one of the scariest moments of his life.

“Vasilhs,” she began again, more softly, “Vasilhs…” She hugged him through a cracking sob. (That scared him more than his unseen hunter.)

“All the forest guards a dryad,” she whispered, “and you wear her blood. You…we, are in a great deal of trouble, Vas.”

[catherinerabus]

No Excuses for Extinctions

        Throughout earth’s history, there have been five large-scale mass extinctions. The most recent mass extinction was 65 million years ago and scientists believe it was caused either by a massive meteor striking earth and/or severe volcanic eruptions (National Geographic). This disrupted life processes on earth and caused the mass extinction of dinosaurs as well as about half of all species on Earth (National Geographic). Today, we are seeing a new wave of extinctions being caused not by volcanos or meteors, but rather by human obstruction of habitats and species. It is estimated that by 2100, we may see half of earth’s plant and animal species become extinct. Some scientists are naming this sad and scary moment in history the “sixth mass extinction”.

        About 90-95% of all species that have lived on Earth have gone extinct throughout its history, however this has been a gradual process over millions of years. What we are experiencing today is something different entirely; we are seeing a dramatic cutoff in species that would still be thriving if it were not for human intervention. Scientists estimate that one out of every million species would become extinct each year naturally. Today, however, some scientists are claiming that about a thousand out of every million species are going extinct per year. This is something tricky to estimate, however, because scientists do not precisely know how many species there really are on earth. There are estimates of anywhere between 5 to 100 million species on Earth, but most scientists believe there to be about 10 million. I find this especially appalling that so many species have not been identified or studied yet because of extinction caused by humans. There are a number of ways that species can become extinct or decrease in population size. HIPCO is an acronym used to refer to the different ways a species could become threatened. These are habitat loss, invasive species, pollution, climate change and over-harvesting. Each of these identify a detrimental human activity in wildlife.

        One way in which organizations and scientists are combating species extinction and population decline is through the Species Approach to the problem. This method focuses on aiding one or a small number of animal or pant species with less focus on the whole ecosystem that supports the individual species. This approach is typical in “population ecology”. The individual species being focused on may not be a “foundation” or “keystone” species that is maximally important for ecosystem health, but rather a charismatic animal that we are bonded with, that looks like us or that we find cute. Unfortunately, this approach is not the most effective way to help ecosystems and is connected to the human-centered anthropocentric worldview. Are we only helping these certain animals because they make us feel good? Scientists and biodiversity organizations should focus more on preserving keystone species which play vital roles in their ecosystems. Additionally, more attention may be being unduly given to maintaining animal populations rather than plants populations, as we as humans connect more with animals. However, plants are essential to ecosystems; without them animal populations would not have nutrition and food chain would be destroyed.  

        An example of a species on the decline which plays a vital role in ecological processes are bees. There are estimated to be about 20,000 pollinating bee species in the world. These bees support biodiversity in ecosystems, as they have a symbiotic relationship with a multitude of foliage. Without bees, the majority of plants could not be pollinated and therefore would become extinct. As bees are responsible for the pollination of a magnitude of trees and plants, they also fuel the global economy and assure us food security. As explained by the World Economic Forum, “Almost 90% of wild plant species and over 75% of crops we use for food depend in part on pollination” and that “the annual economic value of pollinators is at $235-577 billion”. Due to their key role in the processes necessary for human cultivated agriculture to thrive, bees have a direct impact on economies and cannot be undervalued. Unfortunately, since the mid-1990s, scientists have become aware of declining bee populations and diversity worldwide. They have deduced that climate change, monoculture in bees and heavy usage of chemical pesticides have contributed to this problem. Additionally, the spread of diseases, such as the parasitic varroa mite, within crowded manmade bee communities have provoked the downturn of bee populations.

        Big ocean fish populations are another group which play a key role in their ecosystems.  Due to overfishing, big ocean fish populations are down by an unbelievable 90% since just 1950 (”Biodiversity Decline”). Overfishing occurs when fishers capture the majority of fish close to the shore and then continue to fish further and further off shore without controlling the amount that they catch.  Coral reefs have been severely impacted by this. When there is a loss of big fish, too many little fish survive and the balance of the ecosystem is ruined. The big fish would normally eat seaweed, however, with such a small amount of big fish, the seaweed covers the coral reefs, ruining them (”Biodiversity Decline”). Due to the unnatural amount of seaweed, there is an introduction of an excessive amounts of nutrients that allow the microscopic plants in the water and more seaweed to grow at very rapid rates.  There becomes such a large amount of seaweed that the smaller grazers cannot eat all of it. It then rots and consumes a large amount of oxygen, creating a layer of slime on the seafloor (”Biodiversity Decline”). The other fish are then killed due to lack of oxygen and biodiversity is further lost. As we see in this example, removing one member of a food web can completely destroy an ecosystem.

        Thankfully, legislators and world leaders have realized that this issue of population loss and extinction are not going away without human intervention, as it is we who are causing these problems. In 1992, almost 200 nations met in Rio de Janiero for the Convention on Biological Diversity. These nations agreed to preserve biodiversity, manage usage of biodiversity in a sustainable manner and share profits that result from developments from biodiversity such as pharmaceutical chemical compounds discovered. Although this collaboration was a good step towards awareness and mitigation of biodiversity loss, like most multinational treaties, this agreement is not legally binding. How can we really know that these agreements are being respected? In the United States, we have the Endangered Species Act. When it was first passed by President Nixon in 1973, 92 species were protected. Today, over 2,000 species are being protected under this legislation. The Endangered Species Act certainly has helped save many species in the United States and today we unfortunately need this act more than ever. However, our government must start abiding by the precautionary principle if we wish to see this number of endangered species decline. This practice states that governments should not approve of agricultural practices or any environmental practice without knowing the full extent of its consequences on the environment’s health and wellbeing. At this point, we must be taking preventative measures in order to mitigate possible negative impacts which we may have on animals, plants and their ecosystems in the future. Once the harm has been done, it is very difficult, if not impossible to undo the effects. This is why governments must start utilizing the precautionary principle in their decision making process.

Word Count: 1264

                                                       Works Cited

“Biodiversity Decline” Available at https://www.smithsonianmag.com/videos/category/needs-to-be-moved/biodiversity-decline/

“Information and Facts About Mass Extinctions.” National Geographic, National Geographic, 27 Jan. 2017, www.nationalgeographic.com/science/prehistoric-world/mass-extinction/.

Gaffney, Owen. “11 Reasons Bees Matter.” World Economic Forum, 29 Feb. 2016, www.weforum.org/agenda/2016/02/to-bee-or-not-to-bee-11-reasons-pollinators-matter/.