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theunknownpoetandrewfoster · 5 months ago
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Current emotion.
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a-world-with0ut-dr34ms · 2 years ago
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A Table of Contents to all my CoD Men x Reader Fics
My shit was getting disorganized as fuck, so I collected everything I've typed on here and put it into a single post, just to make it easier to find my stuff if you ever choose to. User Accessibility matters!
Note - All of this is 18+ and Mature, but not all of it is Smut
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SFW/Fluff // Masterlist
The masterlist to all of the SFW/Fluff One-Shots for Ghost x Reader.
No Good Men Left To Spare // Masterlist
No pair of people hated each other more than you and Ghost. To him, you were just another loud-mouthed, obnoxious, and immature little princess needing to be humbled. To you, he was just a boring, broody asshole hellbent on not liking you. Things between you two couldn't be any worse. After pushing one too many of his buttons tonight, you and Ghost going off to have a quick smoke turns into something else entirely.
Make Me Beg
Ghost had been curious to see if you could be the one to make him beg for a change, in which to both his pleasure and dismay, you oblige.
Greedy
Ghost x Dom!Reader x Soap
Ghost and Soap find themselves crushing on the same woman on their team, a friendly bout between two comrades to see who you'll choose, only your answer's not one they'd expected to hear.
The Lights Stay Off
No Summary :(
NSFW, 18+, Shameless Smut, No Plot, Porn w/out Plot, Sex in the dark, Explicit, Graphic Language, Teasing, Touch-Starved Touching, Embarrassing, First Time Together, Fingering, Sloppy Kisses, Somewhat Rough Sex, slightly Intimate, Ghost is a bit of a dom, Reader's a bit snarky
Ghost Fan Edit
My thirst for this man is endless. I've been thirsty since I was 11 and first laid eyes on him in 2009. He just gets finer each year. I don't think I'd have my mask kink without him.
Now you get to see how rhythmically challenged I am. These are fun to make; once I get better at them I'll be unstoppable (`∀´)Ψ
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I Won't Forget
Short Drabble ~ Your last night with Johnny...
Can You Spot Me?
You decide to reward Soap after finishing a set on the bench press.
NSFW 18+, Explicit, Shameless Smut, Porn w/out Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Gym Sex, Teasing, Fluff, Flirting, Cunnilingus, Blow-Jobs, Cowgirl, P in V, Might be a little tame, but still Graphic Description, no Y/N usage
Greedy (same story as above one in Ghost's section)
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Speedracer
Gaz x Reader x Soap
It's not every day Gaz gets to drive fast cars. It's also not every day he gets to race hot strangers on the road either.
SFW, Some swearing, Fluff, Flirting, Banter, Racing, Three-Way flirting, Random, Innocent, Some Car Lingo, Soap and Gaz sharing a single brain cell, Eventual smut in part two, scarcely proofread
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Been In Love
After a breakup, Price figures a walk along the beach might make for a good distraction. What he did not expect to find was a strange woman standing off to the shore, who looked as though she were about ready to drown herself at sea.
pt. 0 | pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3
Bloodstained Honesty
Wounded, bloody, and just the two of you. A mission gone wrong leads to a long overdue moment between both you and your Captain, perhaps too late to count for anything. Not if either of you two can help it at least.
pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3
Sex Tape ~ Kinktober Prompt
No summary (._. )
NSFW (18+), Shameless Smut, Explicit Detail, Groping, Fingering, Nipple-Play, Oral (Female Receiving), AFAB!Reader Long-Distance, Sex Tape, Scarcely Proofread, Kinktober
Some Days
Drabble ~ Price has a tendency to wake up most mornings before you...
SFW, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Innocent, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Mornings, Wife Reader, Soft Price, Price is a little mopey, scarcely proofread
Let Me Play You A Song
During a get-together, you and the Captain decide to sneak off for a spell. The intentions were mostly pure. At the start...
Captain Price Fan Edit
My first time making a video like this EVER (ʃᵕ̩̩ ᵕ̩̩). It came out more like a trailer than an edit, but I had so much fun making this. I really hope you like it! *totally not nervous* ( ◜◡‾)
Captain Price Fan Edit 2
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Control Masterlist
Slow Burn, Love Triangle, Angst, Romance, Drama
You’ve been with Shadow Company long enough to know working alongside 141 on their search for the stolen American missiles wouldn’t be an ordinary assignment. And most importantly, you knew Graves. Shadow Company keeps its allies close, and its enemies closer. When you’re given a job, it gets done without conflict. Without loose ends.
Your true mission is clear to you -- keep an eye on 141 and keep them comfortable. Anything it takes to alleviate suspicion of Shadow Company’s involvement with the missing missiles. This wasn’t about saving lives, this was a deadly game of control, and you intend to do so flawlessly.
Phillip Graves Character Trailer
Deepthroating ~ Kinktober Prompt
Drabble - You decide to pay your commander a little visit during one of his later nights in the office...
Welp, that's that. Thanks ( .-.)
...
Here are links to some of my gaming clips if interested (shameless plug)
One | Two | Three | Four | Five
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hetagrammy · 10 months ago
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Your fan kiddos are interesting :0 (maybe it's because I also like making fan children lmao)
I would love for you to elaborate more on them
Aw thank you! <3 Not sure what to elaborate on, so I'll elaborate a little more on their personalities and relationships with each other (feat. some relatively old art) under the cut. Warning for my word vomit haha
So first of all, there's the age differences. The kids are sort of grouped together in two halves with the oldest four and the younger three. Sebastiano and Caterina are twins, Felice is two years younger than them, and Una is a year younger than Felice. Saoirse is a little less than four years younger than Una, Brigid is three years younger than her, and Maria is three years younger than Brigid. Therefore, there's a roughly 14 year gap between the twins and Maria.
Sebastiano and Caterina were the first to really come into being, Sebastiano especially because he'd originally just been Seborga. Sebastiano being the only boy came from this ongoing joke about him sort of being the James Maguire of the family, and it got boosted by Lovino just sort of having girl dad energy. Sebastiano kind of got the best of both his parents: he got all of Molly's amiability and Lovino's charm, but neither of their tempers. He's a bit of a lady's man like his dad was, albeit a lot less subtle with how he goes about it. He 100% uses his younger sisters to get girls to like him because he's doing the bare minimum by taking care of his baby sister (don't be fooled though, he would do anything for Brigid and Maria):
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He also tends to act with his heart before his head a lot of the time, so he doesn't come off as the sharpest tool in the shed.
Caterina got the brain cells Sebastiano didn't, and her personality tends to be a bit bigger. She's very blunt and exacting when she needs to be with people, but she's more patient than she seems. She'll get annoyed and she'll show it, but it takes a lot for her to blow up. She's the first to take charge, she has a strong sense of herself and her authority as an older sibling. She's a lot like Lovino in the sense that she cares a lot about the people she's close to, she just doesn't know how to express that in a typical way. She's also got an interest in things like the occult on the down low that a lot of people don't expect out of her, which can be kind of funny. She's superstitious like her Ma.
Felice is the quintessential middle child. She got Molly's mischievous streak and Lovino's penchant for dodging work, all of which comes from a sense of play. She jokes on people and roasts them, but it's rarely meanspirited, even if it can go too far sometimes. She and Caterina tend to snipe at each other, because Felice is really clownish while Cat is more reserved and responsible. At the end of the day they both have things they are jealous of and admire in the other (Cat's drive and Felice's sociability). Felice and Sebastiano on the other hand have a very ride-or-die attitude with each other and get up to shenanigans a lot.
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Una is the most mellow of her siblings, but she's still got a lot to her. Though quiet, she's spacey and eccentric rather than shy. When she does speak, she doesn’t have a filter, so she tends to ask or state things that are socially inappropriate. She also often takes things literally and is slow to pick up on sarcasm. Only thing shielding her from being a target is that she roasts people without even meaning to. However, she’s also much smarter than people perceive her to be in an academic sense. She's also rarely judgmental of others even if she's blunt about them. Caterina is actually very close with her because Una ironically tends to misconstrue her the least.
Saoirse has some of the bigger age gaps within the siblings, and for a while people thought she was going to be the last child. As a result, she tends to act with so much youngest sibling energy even if she isn't. She's very dramatic and reactive, and she will snitch if pressured or incentivized because she is her father's daughter through and through. She's also good at measuring risk, and she is very attentive and loving and bubbly when she's in a good mood. She just has a lot of emotions and a lot of anxiety, and is still learning how to manage that. She starts to channel that into gardening when she gets older though, she and Lovino run that garden like it's the damn navy.
Brigid is perceptive and precocious, and very book smart. She's like Molly was at that age but if you replaced the mischief with sarcasm. She's the most introverted, and she's really content to stay out of the spotlight rather than compete with six other strong personalities for it. She likes to help Lovino cook, which she seems to have a talent for. She and Maria are two peas in a pod. Saoirse also loves Brigid, they had that deal where Saoirse hated the idea of a younger sibling until she was actually born and then was just sold. Asking to carry her around, dragging her everywhere, talking to her all the time. Brigid is used to it.
Maria is very much so the tagalong kid type. She looks up to Caterina so so much and they have a very Lilo and Nani sort of dynamic. Surefire way to tell them apart when I draw them as young children (aside from Maria's freckles) is that little Caterina wears two bows on either side, Maria wears one bow at the back of her head because she's trying to imitate Caterina (who started wearing that style as she got older). She's more sheltered and she's also very nosy, she wants to be in everyone's business. She's always underfoot with one of her siblings, if not one of her parents. They're all also very protective of her, but she's like Molly in the sense that she cares a lot about being self-sufficient and playing an active role in things. Essentially, she's the baby who's getting it figured out.
But yeah, that's the kids and how some of their dynamics are!
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charcha-equity · 19 days ago
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Understanding Ideal Sleep Time: A Key to Optimal Health and Well-Being
In today’s fast-paced world, quality sleep often takes a backseat to work, socializing, and personal responsibilities. Yet, sleep is a fundamental part of maintaining good health. Beyond just getting the right amount of sleep, the timing of your sleep plays a crucial role in optimizing its restorative effects. So, what is the ideal sleep time, and why does it matter?
How Much Sleep Do You Really Need?
The amount of sleep required varies by age, lifestyle, and individual health needs. According to the National Sleep Foundation, these are the general sleep recommendations for different age groups:
Newborns (0-3 months): 14-17 hours
Infants (4-11 months): 12-15 hours
Toddlers (1-2 years): 11-14 hours
Preschoolers (3-5 years): 10-13 hours
School-age children (6-13 years): 9-11 hours
Teens (14-17 years): 8-10 hours
Adults (18-64 years): 7-9 hours
Older Adults (65+ years): 7-8 hours
While these are average guidelines, individual needs may vary. It's not just about the total sleep duration, but also the quality of sleep—ensuring that you progress through all stages of sleep, including deep and REM sleep, which are essential for physical recovery and mental rejuvenation.
The Importance of Sleep Timing
Our bodies operate on a natural 24-hour cycle known as the circadian rhythm, which influences when we feel sleepy and when we are alert. The circadian rhythm is regulated by environmental cues, particularly light, which helps signal to our body when it’s time to sleep and when it’s time to wake up. Timing your sleep in alignment with this internal clock is crucial for better sleep quality.
1. Consistent Sleep Schedule
Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day helps stabilize your circadian rhythm. Irregular sleep patterns, such as frequently staying up late or waking up at different times, can confuse your internal clock, leading to fatigue, irritability, and poor sleep quality.
2. Avoiding Late-Night Stimulants
Substances like caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol can all interfere with your ability to fall asleep and reduce the quality of your rest. To improve your sleep timing, it’s a good idea to avoid these stimulants, particularly in the hours leading up to bedtime.
3. Ideal Bedtime
For most people, the optimal sleep window falls between 10:00 PM and 6:00 AM. This timeframe aligns with the natural darkness of the evening, signaling your body that it’s time to wind down. However, this can vary based on personal schedules and lifestyle factors.
4. Sleep Cycles and Their Impact
Sleep doesn’t occur in one uninterrupted stretch—it’s divided into cycles, each lasting about 90 minutes. These cycles progress through different stages, including light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep. Waking up at the end of a sleep cycle, rather than in the middle of one, can help you feel more refreshed and less groggy. Planning your sleep in 90-minute intervals—such as 6, 7.5, or 9 hours—can help you wake up during a lighter sleep phase.
Why Ideal Sleep Timing Matters
Aligning your sleep timing with your natural circadian rhythm provides several benefits that go beyond simply feeling well-rested.
Boosts Cognitive Function: Sleep is essential for memory consolidation, learning, problem-solving, and critical thinking. Well-timed sleep helps your brain function at its best.
Physical Health Benefits: Quality sleep supports your immune system, helps repair cells and tissues, regulates hormones, and reduces inflammation. It plays a significant role in lowering the risk of chronic conditions, including heart disease and diabetes.
Mental Health Benefits: Getting enough sleep helps regulate mood, alleviate stress, and combat symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Improves Focus and Productivity: Adequate rest enhances concentration, creativity, and mental clarity, improving performance in both personal and professional life.
Strengthens Immune Function: Sleep plays a key role in maintaining a healthy immune system, helping your body fight infections and illnesses more effectively.
Factors That Affect Sleep Timing
Many factors can affect your ability to maintain ideal sleep timing:
Work or Social Schedules: Shift work, late-night meetings, or social events can disrupt your natural sleep patterns.
Stress or Anxiety: Mental stress can make it hard to relax before bed, leading to delayed sleep times.
Blue Light Exposure: Using screens before bed, such as phones, computers, or TV, emits blue light that can hinder melatonin production, making it harder to fall asleep.
Health Conditions: Disorders like insomnia, sleep apnea, or restless leg syndrome can interfere with the ability to get sufficient rest, pushing back bedtime or disturbing sleep throughout the night.
Tips for Achieving the Ideal Sleep Time
Establish a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Engage in calming activities, such as reading, practicing meditation, or taking a warm bath, to signal to your body that it’s time to unwind.
Limit Screen Time: Reduce exposure to blue light by avoiding screens at least an hour before bed.
Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment: Ensure your bedroom is dark, quiet, and cool, and invest in a comfortable mattress and pillow.
Exercise Regularly: Physical activity during the day can help you sleep better at night. However, avoid vigorous exercise close to bedtime, as it might make falling asleep more difficult.
Monitor Sleep Quality: Consider using sleep trackers to monitor your sleep patterns or consult with a healthcare professional if you’re struggling to maintain ideal sleep timing.
Conclusion
The timing of your sleep is as important as the duration. Aligning your sleep schedule with your body's natural rhythms and making efforts to reduce distractions and stimulants can lead to better rest, improved physical health, and mental clarity. By paying attention to when and how you sleep, you can unlock the full benefits of sleep and enhance your overall well-being.
4o mini
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urbansainstuff · 3 months ago
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The Ultimate Guide to Fasting: Benefits, Types, and Best Practices
Fasting has been a cornerstone of human culture for thousands of years, practiced for both spiritual and health-related reasons. Today, it’s gaining even more traction in the health and wellness community due to its benefits for weight management, mental clarity, and longevity. But what exactly is fasting, and how can you make it work for your lifestyle?
In this guide, we’ll break down the science behind fasting, explore its benefits, cover the most popular fasting methods, and share best practices to ensure you’re fasting safely and effectively. We’ll also highlight the importance of hydration during fasting and recommend the Liquid I.V. Hydration Multiplier — Electrolyte Drink Mix, a perfect companion for your fasting journey.
Disclaimer: This article contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission if you make a purchase through the provided link, at no extra cost to you.
What is Fasting?
Fasting involves voluntarily abstaining from food, and sometimes liquids, for a specific period of time. While religious fasting focuses on spiritual goals, modern fasting is often pursued for its many health benefits, including weight loss, metabolic improvements, and detoxification.
Fasting can take different forms, from intermittent fasting to extended fasting, and it’s tailored to each individual’s goals and lifestyle.
The Science Behind Fasting
Fasting prompts several important changes in the body that contribute to its various benefits. Here’s a quick breakdown of what happens:
Fed State (0–4 hours after eating):
The body uses glucose from food for energy.
Insulin levels rise to help store energy.
2. Post-Absorptive State (4–16 hours after eating):
The body starts depleting stored glucose and begins burning fat for energy.
Insulin levels drop, leading to increased fat burning.
3. Fasting State (16+ hours without eating):
The body enters ketosis, using fat stores for energy.
Autophagy kicks in, repairing and recycling damaged cells.
Benefits of Fasting
1. Weight Loss and Fat Burning
Fasting is an effective way to burn fat because it forces your body to use stored fat as energy. By reducing insulin levels and increasing fat oxidation, fasting helps promote sustainable weight loss.
2. Improved Insulin Sensitivity
Fasting helps reduce insulin resistance, making it easier for the body to regulate blood sugar, which is especially beneficial for those with Type 2 diabetes or prediabetes.
3. Cellular Repair and Anti-Aging (Autophagy)
Fasting triggers autophagy, where the body clears out damaged cells and regenerates new ones. This process can potentially slow aging, reduce the risk of neurodegenerative diseases, and improve overall brain function.
4. Mental Clarity
Switching to fat as a primary fuel source enhances mental clarity and focus. Many people report improved cognitive function during fasting as ketones provide a more stable and efficient energy source for the brain.
5. Longevity
Studies suggest that fasting may extend lifespan by reducing inflammation, improving cardiovascular health, and boosting cellular repair.
6. Heart Health
Fasting can improve heart health by lowering blood pressure, reducing cholesterol, and decreasing triglycerides.
Types of Fasting
Fasting can be practiced in various ways. Here are the most common types:
1. Intermittent Fasting (IF)
Intermittent fasting cycles between eating and fasting periods. Common methods include:
16/8 Method: Fast for 16 hours, eat within an 8-hour window.
5:2 Diet: Eat normally for 5 days, restrict calories to 500–600 for 2 days.
Eat-Stop-Eat: Fast for 24 hours once or twice a week.
Alternate-Day Fasting (ADF): Alternate between fasting and eating normally.
2. Extended Fasting (EF)
Extended fasting lasts for 24 to 72 hours. It’s often used to kick-start ketosis or detoxify the body, but it should be approached carefully.
3. OMAD (One Meal a Day)
OMAD involves eating one large meal in a 1-hour window and fasting for the remaining 23 hours. It requires careful meal planning to ensure nutritional balance.
4. Water Fasting
Water fasting allows only water consumption, typically for 24 hours or more. While it promotes autophagy and detoxification, it should be done cautiously.
5. Dry Fasting
Dry fasting is the most extreme form and involves abstaining from both food and water. Due to its intensity, dry fasting should only be done under medical supervision.
Why Hydration is Critical During Fasting
During fasting, especially extended fasts, hydration is crucial. Even though you’re not consuming food, your body continues to lose water through sweat, urine, and breathing. Keeping hydrated helps maintain your energy, prevents fatigue, and reduces the risk of dehydration.
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Recommended Product: Liquid I.V. Hydration Multiplier — Electrolyte Drink Mix
Why It’s Perfect for Fasting:
Rapid Hydration: Liquid I.V. hydrates 2–3 times faster than water alone and helps replace lost electrolytes.
Boosts Energy: It supports your energy levels, preventing the typical fatigue that can occur during fasting.
Easy to Use: Just mix it into water, and you’re good to go! It’s convenient, tasty, and supports proper hydration.
Adding an electrolyte supplement like Liquid I.V. is a game-changer when fasting, especially for extended periods. It helps keep you hydrated, energized, and feeling your best.
Best Practices for Fasting
To make the most of fasting, follow these best practices:
Hydrate Regularly: Drink plenty of water, and supplement with Liquid I.V. to ensure you’re getting essential electrolytes.
2. Start Slow: If you’re new to fasting, start with intermittent fasting before trying more extreme methods like 24-hour fasting.
3. Break Your Fast Gently: Begin with light foods like fruit, smoothies, or broth before moving on to heavier meals.
4. Don’t Overeat: It’s easy to indulge after a fast, but overeating can cause bloating and digestive discomfort. Stick to balanced, nutrient-dense meals.
5. Listen to Your Body: If you feel unwell, break your fast. Fasting is meant to improve your health, not harm it.
Breaking Fasting Myths
Here are some common myths about fasting, debunked:
Myth #1: Fasting Slows Your Metabolism
Short-term fasting can actually boost metabolism, while longer fasts may slightly reduce it. Intermittent fasting generally has little impact on metabolism.
Myth #2: Fasting Causes Muscle Loss
Intermittent fasting with proper nutrition and resistance training preserves muscle mass. It’s only during extreme, prolonged fasting that muscle loss may occur.
Myth #3: Fasting is the Same as Starvation
Fasting is a controlled, voluntary practice. Starvation is involuntary and harmful. Fasting, when done correctly, benefits the body.
What to Eat After Fasting
Breaking your fast is just as important as the fast itself. After a long period without food, ease your digestive system back to work by starting with:
Fruits: Dates, watermelon, or berries are hydrating and provide natural sugars.
Vegetables: Lightly cooked greens like spinach or zucchini.
Broths and Soups: Gentle on the stomach and hydrating.
Lean Protein: Chicken, turkey, or fish.
Complex Carbs: Quinoa, brown rice, or sweet potatoes.
Avoid heavy, greasy, or processed foods right after fasting to prevent discomfort.
Conclusion: Why Fasting Can Transform Your Health
Fasting is much more than skipping meals — it’s a transformative practice with numerous physical, mental, and emotional benefits. Whether you’re looking to lose weight, enhance mental clarity, or improve overall well-being, fasting can help you achieve your goals. Just remember to stay hydrated and consider adding Liquid I.V. Hydration Multiplier to your routine to maintain optimal hydration and energy levels.
By approaching fasting with mindfulness, hydration, and balance, you can unlock its full potential.
Disclaimer: This article contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission if you make a purchase through the provided link, at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products that I personally use and believe will add value to your fasting journey.
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als145 · 3 months ago
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Today on September 27th of 2024 I hit my 4th month with ALS. This is not a post to scare the untrained reader but it is a post to raise awareness and open the eyes of others.
I'm about to drop some cold, hard facts that you need to be prepared for. Keep your eyes open and your attention focused!
Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) is a fatal type of motor neuron disease. It causes progressive degeneration of nerve cells in the spinal cord and brain. It's often called Lou Gehrig's disease after a famous baseball player who died from the disease. ALS is one of the most devastating types of disorders that affect nerve and muscle function ALS doesn't affect the senses (such as seeing or hearing). It also usually doesn't affect mental functioning. It isn't contagious. Currently, there is no cure for this disease. ALS most often affects people between the ages of 40 and 70 (I got diagnosed when I was 73), but it can occur at a younger age. It affects people of all races and ethnic groups. There are two main types of ALS: sporadic - this is the most common form of ALS in the US, making up 90% of cases. These cases occur randomly without any known genetic cause or family history of ALS. The second form of ALS is Familial this is an inherited form of ALS that affects a small number of people but many recent genetic discoveries suggest hereditary forms of ALS are more common than previously thought I have sporadic since none of my family members or past generations in my family had ALS.. now with all the info out of the way I will say the basics it takes all your function/ life generally within 5 or 4 years but some people with ALS outlive those odds! This is wonderful for people with ALS. I lose 0.1% strength in my arms every month. I live with ALS, and the more drastic numbers start declining months in. Every three months you live with ALS, you lose 1% of your head strength! It's not fun. Another thing that prolongs my life is how lengthy the process is for me to lose my breathing ability! Which I am so extremely grateful for! Every five months someone lives with ALS they lose 1% of breathing! For me, I have 10%, so it Will take a little longer for me to lose my breathing!
After all that information I would like to tell my progress and what I was in the beginning of my diagnosis
I got diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease at 73 years old on May 27th of 2024 and since then I've lost a lot of my strength and my total body precentage!
In the beginning, I was
-3.5% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-5% head
-0% core and legs since I am a C3 incomplete and a C4-C5-T1-T10 complete Quadriplegic ♿
I was already weak and as shriveled as you could get but only to think it could absolutely get worse
On the first month of my diagnosis I was
-3.4% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-5% head
So I lost a bit of my arm but nothing major
On my second month of my diagnosis I was
-3.3% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-5% head
So again I didn't lose much
On my third month I was
-3.2% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-4% head
So this time I had lost much more strength! Taking 1% off my body strength is a lot!
On my fourth month which I present to you now!
-3.2% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-4% head
Many months are not so crucial until you hit another 3 or 5 months! This disease is a (excuse my French) shitty one at best but I won't let that stop me from living my best life! You will not defeat me ALS.
Img desc #1: shows Doc's hand on a table as she is moving a very light object. Doc, seen in a smaller image, is seen with a shocked face! With her hands off her joystick! There is red text saying "3.1%" and a red circle around her hand with white text wrapped around saying "Progression"
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smalife1234 · 3 months ago
Text
Today on September 27th of 2024 I hit my 4th month with ALS. This is not a post to scare the untrained reader but it is a post to raise awareness and open the eyes of others.
I'm about to drop some cold, hard facts that you need to be prepared for. Keep your eyes open and your attention focused!
Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) is a fatal type of motor neuron disease. It causes progressive degeneration of nerve cells in the spinal cord and brain. It's often called Lou Gehrig's disease after a famous baseball player who died from the disease. ALS is one of the most devastating types of disorders that affect nerve and muscle function ALS doesn't affect the senses (such as seeing or hearing). It also usually doesn't affect mental functioning. It isn't contagious. Currently, there is no cure for this disease. ALS most often affects people between the ages of 40 and 70 (I got diagnosed when I was 73), but it can occur at a younger age. It affects people of all races and ethnic groups. There are two main types of ALS: sporadic - this is the most common form of ALS in the US, making up 90% of cases. These cases occur randomly without any known genetic cause or family history of ALS. The second form of ALS is Familial this is an inherited form of ALS that affects a small number of people but many recent genetic discoveries suggest hereditary forms of ALS are more common than previously thought I have sporadic since none of my family members or past generations in my family had ALS.. now with all the info out of the way I will say the basics it takes all your function/ life generally within 5 or 4 years but some people with ALS outlive those odds! This is wonderful for people with ALS. I lose 0.1% strength in my arms every month. I live with ALS, and the more drastic numbers start declining months in. Every three months you live with ALS, you lose 1% of your head strength! It's not fun. Another thing that prolongs my life is how lengthy the process is for me to lose my breathing ability! Which I am so extremely grateful for! Every five months someone lives with ALS they lose 1% of breathing! For me, I have 10%, so it Will take a little longer for me to lose my breathing!
After all that information I would like to tell my progress and what I was in the beginning of my diagnosis
I got diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease at 73 years old on May 27th of 2024 and since then I've lost a lot of my strength and my total body precentage!
In the beginning, I was
-3.5% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-5% head
-0% core and legs since I am a C3 incomplete and a C4-C5-T1-T10 complete Quadriplegic ♿
I was already weak and as shriveled as you could get but only to think it could absolutely get worse
On the first month of my diagnosis I was
-3.4% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-5% head
So I lost a bit of my arm but nothing major
On my second month of my diagnosis I was
-3.3% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-5% head
So again I didn't lose much
On my third month I was
-3.2% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-4% head
So this time I had lost much more strength! Taking 1% off my body strength is a lot!
On my fourth month which I present to you now!
-3.2% arms
-10% breathing 🫁
-4% head
Many months are not so crucial until you hit another 3 or 5 months! This disease is a (excuse my French) shitty one at best but I won't let that stop me from living my best life! You will not defeat me ALS.
Img desc #1: shows Doc's hand on a table as she is moving a very light object. Doc, seen in a smaller image, is seen with a shocked face! With her hands off her joystick! There is red text saying "3.1%" and a red circle around her hand with white text wrapped around saying "Progression"
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frombeyondtheblackhole · 2 years ago
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Double Life Final Scores
[For the LL Final Score board go here]
Aaaaalright everyone, It’s that time again. When Last Life finished I made a scoreboard to measure all the stats. And now it’s time for Double Life. Same as last time, some scenarios were not as clear cut so I had to make some calls about who got credit for a kill. If multiple people came up with the idea for a trap that resulted in a kill the kill goes to whoever set the trap, if more than one person set the trap then the kill goes to both of them. If more than three people are tied for runner up then I don’t list it. As far as scoring is concerned I do not count dying due to the soul bound link as a death (The life is lost but I don’t count it as a death). If you were not the one to die it does not count for the statistics. 
Spoiler warning for Double Life below.
Now without further ado.
The Individual Awards
The award for Most Kills goes to Grian and Joel who tied for first place with a total of 3 kills each. Second place goes to Etho and Pearl with a total of 2 kills. This season was a lot less bloodthirsty than previous seasons. 
The award for Most Yellow Players Killed (kills that sent a player from yellow to red) goes to Etho and Jole with a total of 2 kills each. Second place goes to Grian and Ren with 1 kill each. 
The award for Most Perma-Kills (kills that took players out of the game, AKA the Red Slayer) goes to Pearl and Grian with 2 perma-kills each. Second place goes to Smajor and Scar with 1 perma-kill each. Smajors kill was himself.
The award for Most Kills in a Single Session Goes to Pearl with a total of 2 kills in session 6. These were her only kills the entire season and they both occurred at the very end of the game
There were so many people this season who got 0 kills that no one was able to get the award for Least Number of Kills. But for the record Bdubs, Impulse, Cleo, Tango, and Jimmy all got 0 kills this season.
The award for the one Responsible for The Most Deaths (the one to die most out of a soulbound pair) goes to Cleo, who died on all three of their lives. The first death was caused by Martyn pushing her off a bridge, so technically that was his fault, but she was the one to actually die so the award goes to her (The chat death messages never lie! (actually they do, the mod they use makes the second death message weird sometimes, I ignore those, the only one that counts is the first one)) 
The award for the one Responsible for the Least Deaths (The one to die least out of a soulbound pair) goes to Martyn, who did not die at all the entire season. 
The award for Most Deaths in a Single Session goes to Smajor in session 6, Scar in session 5 and Cleo in session 6 with a total of 2 deaths each. 
The award for Least Deaths to Players goes to Tango, BigB, Impulse and Martyn with 0 deaths to players. Tango, BigB and Impulse only ever died once to natural causes, while Martyn never died at all. 
The award for Least Deaths to Natural Causes (deaths not caused by a player, this includes mobs, drowning, lava etc.) goes to Pearl, Etho, Smajor and Martyn. Pearl and Smajor only ever died to player kills, while Etho’s only death was to a lava portal trap set by Grian and Scar, and Martyn never died at all.
The award for Most Kills while still Green or Yellow goes to Grian and Martyn with a total of 1 kill each. Grian’s kill was due to a game of fishing rod gone wrong (honestly it was a case of having 1 brain cell between the five of them and that brain cell belongs to Scott). Martyns kill was his soulbound cleo, this was his only kill the entire season. 
The award for First to Kill goes to Martyn for killing Cleo in session 3. Second place goes to Grian who killed Joel in session 4. 
And now for the Couples Awards
These are awards granted to each soulbound couple as a pair.
I will be referring to the different pairs as follows
Ren and BigB = Box Bros
Etho and Joel = Boat Boys
Grian and Scar = Desert Duo
Cleo and Martyn = Divorcees
Smajor and Pearl = Exes
Jimmy and Tango = Team Rancher
Bdubs and Impulse = Gossips
The couples award for Most Total Kills goes to Boat Boys with a total of 4 kills. Second place goes to Exes and Desert Duo with a total of 3 kills each team.
The couples award for Most Yellow Players Killed (kills that sent a player from yellow to red) also goes to Boat Boys with a total of 3 kills. Second place goes to Box Bros and Desert Duo with 1 kill each team.
The couples award for Most Perma-Kills (kills that took players out of the game, AKA the Red Slayer) goes to Exes with 3 perma-kills. Second place goes to Desert Duo with 1 perma-kill. 
The couples award for Most Kills in a Single Session also goes to Exes with a total of 3 kills. Second place goes to Boat Boys and Desert Duo with two kills per team. 
The couples award for Least Number of Kills goes to Gossips and Team Rancher with 0 kills between the two of them. Second place goes to Divorcees and Box Bros with only 1 kill per team. 
The couples award for Most Deaths in a Single Session goes to Exes, Divorcees, Desert Duo and Gossips.
The couples award for Least Deaths to Players goes to Box Bros, Desert Duo and Team Rancher, with only 1 Player Death each team.
The couples award for Least Deaths to Natural Causes goes to Exes, who never died to natural causes the entire season.
The couples award for Most Kills while still Green or Yellow goes to Desert Duo and the Divorcees (That sounds like a band name XD), with a total of 1 kill per team. 
The award of First to Die goes to Team Rancher, who died in session 1 when Tango was exploded by a creeper. Second place goes to Boat Boy’s who died to an enderman later that same session. 
The award of First to Red goes to Box Bros who went red in session 3 due to a creeper explosion blowing up BigB. Second place goes to Boat Boys in session 4 from the fishing rod accident.  
The award for First to Perma-Die goes to Team Rancher, specifically Jimmy, when Jimmy died to an Enderman in session 5. The canary curse is still as powerful as ever. Second place goes to Box Bros who died later in session 5, when Ren died to Grian’s stalactite trap. 
The award for Last Greens on the Server goes to Desert Duo, who held out all the way through session 5 only to die to Scar falling in a pit of Zombies. Second place goes to the Gossips who went yellow near the end of session 4 when Impulse fell down a ravine. 
The award for Last to Turn Red (AKA the Final Yellow) goes to the Divorcees Who died while getting chased by Scar in the deepdark in session 6. Cleo died of drowning before Scar could get the kill. Second place goes to the Exes, who died earlier in session 6 when Joel chased down and shot Smajor with a rocket launcher. 
Special Awards
Special awards go out to players for noteworthy actions that can’t be measured by numbers and statistics alone.
Self Destruct goes to Smajor for blowing himself up and taking himself out of the game. This was his only kill the entire season. Interesting fact, this is a repeat award from last life. Tango won it last time when his only kill all season was when he blew himself up taking him out of the game. 
Toxic Love goes to Martyn for killing his own soulmate. This was his only kill all season and he was the only one to be directly responsible for their soulmate's death. 
Warden Wrangler goes to Tango for successfully name tagging a warden and getting it to the surface without dieing. Rip Grian. 
5 AM goes to Pearl for winning the game and fully committing to some top tier unhinged insanity, especially at the end. To be fair, this is more of a personal opinion than anything else but 2 v 1 ing two separate teams while laughing maniacally, perfection, chiefs kiss, couldn’t have asked for a better ending. She deserved that win.   
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lvlyhao · 3 years ago
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『MTL likely to expose your relationship』
MTL scenario, NCT DREAM
a/n: hi, no one asked for this, I just did it anyway, enjoy it <3
𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: CRACK (⍢)??
𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: idk man, I think none, but I do swear a lot so
disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © lvlyhao 2022.
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MOST chenle, mark, haechan, jaemin/jeno, renjun, jisung LEAST
Chenle
ok hear me out
it’s not like he wanted to expose the two of you on a v-live
it’s just that he doesn’t think things through enough to stop it from happening lmao
chenle is BLUNT
and he’s not too interested in keeping his idol image clean
+ he really hates the way his company wants them to play into the whole girlfriend thing with the fans
cus it really is weird, we all know it
so i reckon it’d happen while reading comments
someone would say like “chenle please marry me oppa ” and he’d go
“lol no i’m already taken”
renjun, who was with him for the live, looks horrified for about 2 seconds before breaking into a song to distract everyone
(didn’t really work but +10 points for trying)
feels bad bc he didn’t want to out the relationship without your consent but he’s more focused on handling it well, now that it’s already happened
Mark
ok i feel bad for him in this scenario
mark would try really hard to keep everything about your relationship in private, cus he doesn’t want anything to come between you right
having said that, he’s also v v whipped
and when it comes to you, he,,, loses it a bit
and unlike chenle, who registers what he said after a couple seconds, he’d be blissfully unaware about it
until after the live is over and his managers are freaking out lol
and it would all happen over the dumbest thing
he’d be with doyoung and johnny, just chilling, when he picks up his phone at the exact moment you text him
and he’d punch johnny’s shoulder and be like “YO y/n just sent me the funniest dog picture dude”
and god bless doyoung, who went “huh? jeno? HAHAHAHA YEAH jeno has such good,,,, dog pictures”
“no but i didn’t say jeno i said—”
and then johnny started talking, making up some random story about jeno to pretend nothing was out of control <3
Haechan
lol
honestly he’d blame all of this on poor mark
cus the mark incident happened and he’d make fun of him for like 4 weeks for outing the relationship
and he’d get WAY too confident about keeping yours a secret
aka he screwed up bc he was pretty sure he couldn’t possibly screw up
was doing a live with taeil and taeil would innocently ask about the bracelet he was wearing, having NO IDEA it was a couple thing
and this dumbass would tell him how he got it at swarovski a few days ago to match with <3<3someone<3<3
if you look very closely, you can see taeil’s soul leaving his body right here
hyuck’s 2 brain cells were collapsing
and there was just this awful, awkward silence for some moments before he just
“YEAH ANYWAY everyone, we have to end the v-live here—”
probably cried in his bed that night
Jaemin/Jeno
i put them together bc i think the chances of either of them outing their relationships are very, very low
but never 0
if it happened at all, it probably wouldn’t be the same way as the others
they wouldn’t talk about you
for jeno, i think it would be a 7dream live to promote their latest comeback and it would all be going so so so well
until you walk by the room they’re in to get some water or whatever
and jeno is just
staring so fucking much lmaaaao
like his eyes follow you there and back and his expression is just :]
then someone slaps his knees like “boy tf you doing” and he’s back into it
but of course the fans took notice of it and connected it to something prior, like a new ring he had been wearing these days
and then it’s done lol poor dude
i pity jaemin even more
it was just the wrong timing and wrong place
he’d be live with jisung, sitting on the couch with his phone on the coffee table in front of them
and god
the one time he doesn’t put the screen down
you call, getting out of work or classes or smth
and everyone can see painfully clear that the contact name is “cutie pie ”
honestly i think the fans as a whole would brush it off with something like “ah thats probably jeno”
if jisung hadn’t looked so absolutely terrified
his face in an utter panic said everything
Renjun
renjun is another member i’m 100% sure would never expose the relationship himself
he just wouldn’t
he does his best to never get anywhere NEAR any subjects that would point towards you
and just avoid anything that includes you altogether while he’s working
so having said that, another member would expose it lmao
i’m thinking maybe someone from china line, like yangyang
cus we all saw that time yangyang nearly sang WAP during a live right
he has no filter
and very little fear of consequences
so yeah, i say it’s him
they’d be doing a live over at wayv’s dorms and yangyang would accidentally tell a story involving you lol
renjun would shut him up pretty quickly but the damage is done
and i’m not saying renjun would try to strangle yangyang for it but that’s exactly what i’m saying
rip yangster
Jisung
so proud of having him in the last place <3
you’d probably be his first serious relationship or one of the firsts
and he’d just never never never never want to mess it up in any way
he has way too much fear of losing/hurting you
so you can bet your ass he is not letting it happen
not now, not ever
he’s really not much of a serious or level-headed person in general but if it concerns you, he is NOT! HAVING! IT!!!
i swear if he hears the first syllable of your name he is shutting everyone up, ending the live and getting his bags to move with you to peru
he just
never spills it and makes sure no one else does it either
the end
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brickstick3000 · 2 years ago
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❧✎Eddie Munson/m!reader drabbles :)
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CHALLENGE
Saw someone from 20-God damn-12 [2012] doing this challenge just a minute ago, and I was looking for inspiration so here we go...
1. Shuffle your music playlist
2. Using the duration of the song that plays as your time constraint, write a drabble centred around the song's theme.
3. Repeat this for ten more drabbles (in my case with the same character: Eddie Munson/m!reader)
Ok, here we go!!! [I RECCOMEND LISTENING TO THE SONGS WHILST READING!!] ~~
"Money", The Drums
Munson, post graduation, is dating Y/n and wants to desperately give something material to him rather than physical affection, but he's too broke.
•Eddie and his newly formed band go around Hawkins trying to make it big in the music industry whilst Y/n supports and tags along for the ride
•Yet Eddie feels as though he isn't giving enough to his partner and their whole relationship, Y/n being the one earning a real living for them, and so he wants to atleast surprise him with a little something
•Maybe a road trip to some place serene, or perhaps get Y/n his own first motorbike
•Oh wait, Munson himself doesn't even own a vehicle, that's terrific
•With his band not rocketing into fame, as he hoped, and Y/n's work not being the most terrific, they both return home frequently a little down and struggling to feel excited for anything
•Eddie wishes to change that.
•And so here he is with his band trying to write a bunch of original singles and drive their careers into the world, rather than performing small gigs of other people's songs at the local bingo; the band and Y/n hop on a bus to the big cities in the blink of an eye
•Touring with the new label they've signed under and somehow, even though it isn't paying the rent, this is just about the best present Y/n (and Munson) could ever ask for
"Men In Black", Will Smith (fitting af)
Eddie and you bonding over slaying demo-shit in the Upside Down.
•For two avid DnD players, there were two ways the existence of and your involvement in the Strange part of Hawkins could have gone: being completely piss-scared off, or acting like badasses trying to defeat all the beasts
•It was evenly split, both you and Munson had agreed, with the latter being most definitely terrified, and the former, yourself, heavily engaged in all the action
•Sure, the two of you were frightened; half the time all the group saw was you two holding eachother in terror after anything had just gone down, but as you became more accustomed with this living nightmare, a sure-fire amazing duo you became
•Putting 0 brain cells with 0 brain cells seemed to produce something of a bond whether that was destined or not
•Fighting demo bats and coming to Eddie's rescue in the final moments of the battle with Vecna meant that although Hawkins, and potentially the world were in grave danger, there was a little hope for something kindling between the two of you
[It's alright I guess... this was a difficult one, but oh well.]
"Funny Thing", Thundercat
(ANOTHER banger ong)
High school party hosted by kids (who are the equivalent to Mr. Steve "The Hair" Harrington High School King) in which you two managed to find yourselves in by unexplained means.
⚠️CW: ALCOHOL AND DRUG USE⚠️
•Eddie is completely out of his head; drunk to the point of ultra-extroversion, and when the moment rolls like an aesthetic little montage of his strange, nightly experiences
•Getting up to all sorts, the man waddles through the large, and awfully packed house; beer can in hand and loud music making his experience all the wilder
•And there it is that he spots you; also getting to a lesser sober state and feeling excitable in the crowd
•Your smile is all that's rendering in his brain right now, and it's all that he can remember when he makes his way to boysterously greet you
•It isn't exactly the most gentleman of ways to approach someone, but he does it in as fashionable a manner he can muster; nearly tripping up in front of you before getting a very blurry conversation going
•Blurry in a good way; nicotine rush settling in not even minutes later when the two of you have wormed your way outside, still drinking and dancing, staring into each other's dilated pupils
•So many feelings and only simple words can describe them: happy, feeling pretty good
•That's what you told eachother as the night progressed; just dumb fucking teenagers doing crazy shit in the streets of Hawkins together
(This shit was wholesome. Definitely my favourite so far)
"Garden Shed", Tyler the Creator [again ;)]
Eddie and reader coming out together in a fucking garden shed 💀
⚠️CW: DRUG USE⚠️
•Weed again. Like they always do.
•The heat of a Hawkins summer, 1986
•Munson never was the type to smoke outside of his caravan when he had the chance, but with Y/n, he was much more willing
•There was just something about that August, in this tiny, run down shed, at the bottom of L/n's overgrown garden that made smoking in the day so much cooler
•Basking in their musk and the static heat, the two of them, having frequented their little shack many times before, mumbled into the peace: crickets chirping in the back as their high headedness kept them talking like it was nothing
•" Yeah man, noticed you've been talking to her a lot recently." Y/n muttered, breathing in the smoke of Munson's recent exhale
•"Mhm, Chrissy is something. But don't get me wrong, in case this gets out to anyone, she isn't my type.."
•"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah.." another long drag from Y/n, and a couple insects buzz by them- the door way to the shed wide open for any slight breeze to keep them awake
•Moments later, Y/n speaks again; "what's your type then?"
•"Oh you know," there's a crackle of something burning in Munson's joint before he continues, "Someone who can just talk about shit and I don't have to worry about impressions."
•"Ain't Chrissy just that?"
•"Yeah, Chrissy's that, but not all that... what about you?"
•Eddie's eyes have now averted to look over at Y/n, catching the very edge of his side profile; a really beautiful one at that.
•"Someone who doesn't give a flying shit about what others think and is willing to geek out over whatever gets them excited."
•Another dragged out silence; not awkward, not boring, just peace... a natural pause in this basking heat
•Ripples in the far weeds and curtain of shrubbery from heat waves seem to move in and out like the motion of the sea
•"Anyone you're looking at now?" Neither of them knew who asked, honestly. It was just kind of lingering
•Eddie feels a blush rising to his already clammy cheeks once Y/n's dopey eyes met his
•"Yeah, Munson. There is..."
(Not exactly coming out, but you know what, I'm satisfied)
"Put My Hands On You", DEAN
⚠️Minors DNI⚠️NSFW⚠️
Top!Reader, Sub!Munson; had to throw in some smut, since it's my speciality.
•Eddie and Y/n collide with eachother against the caravan sink, knocking clutter over with the brute force of their passion
•"Mmpf- shit." Eddie hissed upon hearing the clashing of dishes, hoping none had broken
•Both were flustered with anticipation, this being the first time they could finally touch one another; the first time they could satiate this long brewing lust
•Their lips ravished: rushed and feral, grunting as they tried shrugging each other's shirts off.
•Heat simmered from every pore of their skin; complexions turning pinker by the second as Y/n wrapped his calloused hands underneath thick thighs
•"Bedroom." Munson took a second to breathe, hand flat against Y/n's bare chest as they stared into each other's hazy pupils---
•And in the bedroom they were
•"God..." Eddie sighed, loving the way Y/n's lips wandered against his throat
•It was smooth and skilled, as though he knew the weak points of Munson's skin already, and with every nip and suck came an awfully gorgeous and insatiable gasp
•Now, Eddie had his nails dug shallow into the curves of his ravager's shoulders, Y/n already tugging on the belt loops of his jeans
•Slowly, slowly, that expert tongue had been marking it's way down the canvas of Munson's milky chest, and their eyes would meet once Y/n's chin was resting upon Eddie's crotch
•Gentle hands, burning with a flame at each finger tip, roamed in between them; groping at skin and rubbing against two completely overwhelmed nipples. Red, hot and sticky all over, Munson was feeling a rush of something so severe it was like some new level of high; like tweaking on a nicotine rush... whilst drunk?
•Y/n placed a feathery kiss in the dusting of hair at Eddie's naval, just above the gate to his painfully tight boxers, and the man had nothing else left in him to wait
•"Yes."
•All clothes were ripped off of him and Y/n had full access to whatever he needed
•"Oh shit, L/n, please"
•The creak of Eddie's mattress and his uncontrollable gasps filled the air, both bodies rocking back and forth on a wild chase to see who could push who over the edge first
•Their skin slapped, raw, rough, and lustfully so, having both of them moaning at eachother without restraint
•Eddie was pulled closer to Y/n with their foreheads brushing together and forcing heated pants to be met with guttural moans
•The Metal Head was in another world, unsure of what to do with his hands or legs, or anything; clinging on for dear life as a natural instinct, so hard that it would bruise both of them, and yet feeling nothing but the friction of skin inside and out
•Pulling, dragging, hitting that place that neither of them could get enough of
•"Eddie-"
•"Yes! Ah-"
•Eddie's entire body clenched inward, letting his mind focus on the intense and unforgiving slamming of hips until finally, the pleasure was all too much. The man's legs twitched as hot ropes of cum painted them both white and pretty
"Master of Puppets", Metallica
(guys I'm not playin' rn... this song was the first english one that played istg LMAO)
⚠️CW: DRUG USE⚠️
Y/n and Munson being chaotic af on mad drugs and shit.
•It's like something out of breaking bad: the two men getting absolutely shit faced in Wayne's caravan (instead of some expensive strip club) on Eddie's stash
•And it's god damn chaos.
The two of them ransack the place with their animalistic behaviour: Munson playing the most metal shit at the top of his Amp's diaphragm and Y/n jumping around like an ape gone feral
•All this before getting chased out by police and noise complaints
•Darting through Hawkins woods and ending up at a little drive-through, the two decide to go stock up on their snacks by stealing a shit ton of sweets and setting up camp at Lover's Rock
•Lighter? Check. Cigarettes? Not a doubt.
•About 3 smokes later the two go for a little hike---
•Skinny dipping at the lake? Yeah, for a couple hours, but then as soon as Munson finds a couple cans of beer and coke left in his rucksack, it's back to damn chaos
•"You ready to absolutely demolish the shit outta Hawkins?"
•"Hell yeah!" They cry, hopping into action; wreaking havoc across neighbourhoods in Wayne's truck; booming music around the streets at 4 in the morning and not returning home without handcuffs and a fine of $100 for disorderly conduct. Each.
[This was just crack, of course. Don't do drugs, I'm not condoning this behaviour, this is not a true depiction of being high on Class A drugs and Master of Puppets is a song about how the use of drugs completely takes over you and fucks up your life. You heard it first from Metallica. So listen to the most metal band out there.]
"For the World", The Internet
Reader willing go to any lengths to protect Eddie, and vice versa
•Eddie and yourself are infatuated with eachother
•So much so that whenever you have time on your hands (which is most frequently) the two of you are either smoking some variant of tobacco and weed, or getting creative in bed. There really is no in between
•Eddie is special to you, so much so that your first instinct, whenever the man is in an ounce of pain, danger, or the sort, is to jump into combat mode
•Eddie, although being a lot more relaxed about such a thing, and preferring to take things slow- unbothered with the dramatics of fighting (since he isn't really a sporty guy) can be just as protective, even if he's a bit chicken
•We all know Munson's little S4 hero arc... well, he'd do it a thousand times over for you, and it would still be his year
•To be honest though, you're both very content to just snog on the couch and kill your lungs everyday (rather than beat up bad guys and monsters for eachother in acts of mighty heroism)
[Idk what this is. I tried... I don't wanna skip too many songs because it's making the challenge not a challenge otherwise. Hope this was ok, even though I was heavily sticking to Syd's lyrics.]
"NEW MAGIC WAND", Tyler the Creator
(best song dude)
Reader trying to convince Munson not to leave him for his Chrissy
•The both of you were not in any way shape or form in a relationship, and there had always been a strong repulsion from Eddie toward whatever feelings he had for you, and those that you returned
•The world view of 1986s? Homosexuality isn't exactly the best way to express oneself
•Eddie Munson, already being an outcast himself, really didn't want to dig his grave deeper, and so mingling with you in the very intimate ways he did always left a sour taste in his mouth
•And whether it was out of true attraction toward her, or an attempt at self-conversion, Eddie was keeping a close eye on Ms. Cunningham with you still following close behind in hopes of something more
•And that 'more' never came
•Eddie, gradually leaving you behind, and hanging around with Chrissy became a lot more frequent and obvious, and your very unstable and frustrated brain had realised that you would do anything to stop that
•If Eddie wasn't yours, he was no one's, and one day, if he never ceased his antics, you might just have to act upon that
[What in the angst, balls and shit? Srsly, I clearly stated in my rules that angst was off limits but this just happened, so I guess it's canon now LMAO. Sorry, I wasn't about to write a yandere reader though because I think this is enough.]
"Resonance", Home
Eddie, post S4, is alive and running from the Upside down, trying to get back.
•Whilst things are absolute mayhem on top of Hawkins, one man, all alone and waking to the worst of it all is spitting up blood between the molten cracks of Earth. Eddie Munson.
•For weeks, he shivered in the cold of The Upside Down, trying to recover from the brutality he had been faced with
•And still hiding from any creature that might be out for him in this toxic air, Eddie ran--- day in and day out, not knowing which was which as all light ceases to make an appearance in that desolate place
•Y/n, on the surface, hadn't ceased his search
•He wanted Eddie back; needed the man back, and so against anyone's caution, he and Dustin set out to look for Munson, hope still in their hearts (or atleast Y/n's, as Dustin has already witnessed the passing of his beloved friend)
•Through the weeks of madness in Hawkins' newly disrupted and evacuating town, the two search the corners of their home for a way back to the Upside Down
•One day, their hopes became reality
•Eddie, on the brink of hypothermia, starving alone was defeated. Curled under a branch, watching the red skies flicker and cackle... nothing but evil. Nothing but nothing.
•Y/n:"Eddie!!"
•Dustin:"Munson?"
•Whilst Henderson is beginning to believe the worst is true, and Eddie is losing his insanity (or so he thinks) at the sound of his two lost companions. A weak and croaky "Guys...?"echoes around the forest
•The two exchange a look, and do not hesitate to sprint into the wilderness, not caring to disrupt the hive mind, though they know it might be the death of them
•"Fuck. Eddie where are you?!"
• The man springs to his feet, new found adrenaline in his system, though he's running on only that.
•"Y-y/n?" I'm here!"
•There's rustling and tripping and all kinds of noise being echoed around the forest now, as both parties try to chase eachother down
•"We're coming!" The wind rushes by their ears, deafening as ever, when all of a sudden, the 3 are standing opposite each other.
•"Guys?" More silence
•"God, please tell me I'm not fucking dreaming-"
•"Jesus, Munson!" Dustin screeches, and the two collide with the man, embracing him as though they'd never held him before
•A lone tear escapes Eddie's eye, seeping into the pale of his grinning cheek
"Love", Dean and Syd
⚠️CW: DRUG USE⚠️
Eddie trying to convince Y/n to come smoke weed at his place as a cover up for (hopefully) a raunchier time.
•The two of you are high school acquaintances, you having not necessarily noticed him but Eddie being overwhelmingly restless to attract your attention
•He frequently manages to be at the same place as you (on purpsoe) usually with a joint in hand, trying to look all cool, and therefore the both of you have bonded over the mystery of his drug dealing and magical box of treats
•And now he has you a little curious to enter his (infamous) camper
•Once you've had your first few puffs of his dangerously effective stash, a feeling of complete tranquility crawls over your shoulders.
•Living in the moment was all that you could do on this strange and foreign high, looking into Eddie's oh-so dilated eyes, as he watches in awe at the way weed has it's way with you.
•Every now and then there are flashes of moments of Eddie laughing and playing with his hair like a shy kid, and you can't quite piece scenes together nor remember what you both just said, but it feels wonderful
•The heat and closeness that holds you together- a feeling unmatched by any sober state- mixed with the morphing and spinning of Munson's room brings you closer and closer
•And once your lips have touched, the trip only gets weirder, and greener, purple, colours. Yeah something like this would be nice again
~[Not joking, straight after this, "Me and Your Mamma", and "Pass The Dutchie" came on. Imma skip just cuz it's too much lol.]~
Alright, I quite enjoyed this toward the end (the entries for this challenge are NOT in order of being written by the way) and so I might do this more often for inspiration. Have a good day, losers. And remember, Drugs might be fun, but they certainly aren't metal.
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fubukiswifenoimnotjoking · 3 years ago
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One Punch Man ship reviews bc I’m bored
WARNING: BIG ONE PUNCH MAN WEBCOMIC AND MANGA SPOILERS
GenoSai: do I even have to say it?? They compliment each other so well and are already besties. They make me so happy and I love their love. Genos literally came into Saitama’s life and brought so much new life and excitement when Saitama thought he’d never get any. Genos gives him love and appreciation all the time and never abandons him. Saitama isn’t connected to his feelings, but he cares about Genos and would do just about anything for him, to keep him safe. Genos constantly teases Saitama and Saitama grumbles and takes it with some banter, Genos is super emotional and Saitama does his best to comfort him, they fucking love shopping together and just hanging out period, they talk about the dumbest shit and somehow they still understand each other with the one brain cell they both share. It takes Genos forever to realize his feelings are deeper and Saitama has to be TOLD by their friends that he should fucking realize his feelings already. Just...I could keep going but I’ll stop! 2718873737839439/10 (let’s not talk about the age gap btw, 6 years isn’t bad and Genos is a legal adult.)
FubuSai: the stereotypical straight ship ppl gravitate to. Eh. I can see it, but at the same time I feel like they don’t completely compliment each other. Are they a hot couple? Duh. But I feel like their pride and communication issues would get in the way. 4/10
TatsuSai: hnghhhh. Someone mentioned this before, can’t remember who, but Saitama literally thinks she’s a child in canon. So that just....makes it gross. Same problems as FubuSai but worse. I’d rather see them as hesitant friends w a weird bond. 0/10
SonSai/SonicSai/idk the ship name: eh, toxic. Cant see them getting past communication issues and pride, again. Plus Sonic wants to kill his ass. Also, I just feel no romantic tension?? Even in fanfic it just falls flat for me. 3/10
MumenSai: a favorite!! Wish I saw it more, it’s very cute. Mumen is so kind and would absolutely be there to help him w self esteem and just help him be a better person period. And Saitama would have a cute little kind guy to tease and open up to. I could maybe see Mumen’s kindness getting on Saitama’s nerves when he’s in a bad mood bc Mumen almost never snaps and Saitama feels shittier, or maybe Mumen being mad at Saitama for being kinda lazy at home while Mumen is working his ass off and he’s like babe I just got home, please stop playing the fucking game and pay attention to me I have a concussion again. Prob too nitpicky on this one, heh, but 8.4/10
Genos x Sonic: wtf? As a crack ship, sure. That’s hilarious. But as a serious ship, 1.3/10 bc I could MAYBE see them bond over their love of my chemical romance or sum.
Anyone x Puri: -128382839287473828739219833468282/10. Fuck Puri.
TatsuKing: eh. Indifferent on this one too. I can see them getting along and Tatsu being the mean but supportive gf in public, but a sweet gf in private. King could be like her calm oasis of video games and sweet blonde shy bf. I sway more towards ace/aro King and queer non binary Tatsu, but this is still good. 6/10
FubuPsy/Fubuki x Psykos/idk: hell yeah!! This series NEEDS more wlw ships, both for me to project onto and to cry over. Prob my fav Fubuki ship, cuz they’ve known each other since they were young and had a tenuous friendship. I didn’t use to ship it until I saw that scene in the wc after the MA arc (u know the one) but here we are. They’re big personalities so any interaction is bound to be chaotic at first, but I really think they’d work. Pride put to the side, Psykos could be someone for Fubuki to finally rely on other than the Blizzard Bunch, someone to confide in, a badass partner to fight monsters with, talk about nothing for hours with, be a super fashionable #girlboss couple with, and someone who would really see her for who she is-especially w Psykos knowledge of her from the past. Hell, Psykos might even know her better than Tatsumaki. Fubuki could be an anchor to her like she currently is in the wc, providing a quiet comfort and making her open up little by little. Would prob be toxic at first bc of the MA arc and their desire for power, but is a very good ship I think. 9/10
Speedal/Sonic x Mumen: an old fav! Sonic would have a hard time not hating Mumen at first bc he’s the picture definition of a hero, sum he hates. But hanging out with him would show him Mumen is a GOOD guy genuinely and he’d be like ohhhh shit I’m in love w this man. Mumen would thoroughly appreciate someone to make him live a little, break some rules and stand up to ppl when they talk over him. He’d DEFINITELY be upset when finding out Sonic is an assassin, but would prob be conflicted bc he knows Sonic is a good person despite that. Would prob make Sonic give up on killing for them to be together. Sucks bc of the assassin thing and bc they haven’t met in canon! So we’re not sure how they’d interact with each other, sigh. 7.4/10
Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: a very underrated ship! To be clear, I headcanon Kama as a trans woman and so does most of the fandom. Anyway, very sweet and already built as a friendship bc of their partnership under Atomic Samurai. I can’t remember who writes fic and makes art of them on tumblr but AAAAA it’s so good! Very sweet. Basically depicted Bushi as a nervous himbo who’s honest about his feelings but scared to say them and Kama as a sweet lady who’s crazy about Bushi. Very sweet. Want more of them!! 6.1/10
OneZon/Zombieman x One Shotter: never even thought of the ship till I saw @megidolan art work! Very wholesome, and from what little we know of Shotter we know he’s a sort of nervous yet strong willed guy, and Zombieman would totally help him calm down bc he’s so chill. I could see them sharing cigarettes and talking shit on heroes while cuddling u know? 7/10 only because I don’t see enough of it but very good concept.
Mumarou/Mumen x Garou: a lot of ppl are gonna hate me for this but....I don’t like it. I’ve tried! I just—idk. I’ve read so many good fics about them that make me like it a bit, but the concept is just eh. I think their relationship is, in most reps, really cliche angsty stuff. I wish I could elaborate I just...gah! Basically, there’s better ships for the both of them imo. Sorry!! 4.3/10
Sonic x Flashy/SonFlash: yes!! Prob my fav Sonic ship. They have soooo much tension, it’s almost worse than Genos’ tension w Saitama. Flashy LITERALLY poisoned Sonic so that he wouldn’t be forced to kill him at the ninja graduation. He cares. They’ll never say it out loud, but they care. They have someone who understands what they went through in each other and someone they’re both so similar to, yet so different from. Sonic is more vocal about his expressions and let’s people know it while Flashy often keeps things to himself, they could really influence the other to be more this or that. I could see a lot of comfort with these two, and not much is needed for relationship development; they already have so much unspoken between them after meeting for the first time in years. Love it. Wish I saw it more! 10/11
KingSai: wonderful! Out of the few ppl Saitama is close to, def my second fav pick for a ship for him. There’s a post saying how Saitama doesn’t cut King off when he’s going on rants about games and stuff bc he’s talking TO Saitama, not at him like Genos tends to do on accident. They’re already great buddies! Saitama could find a shy gamer man who he can talk to about manga and stuff and also a passionate bf who could break out of his shell w Saitama and be himself with no lies. King can have someone to protect him, duh, someone who finally understands his weird sense of humor, and someone to shower him in the love and kindness he deserves when Saitama is in the mood to be all out like that w his affections. Plus he’s Saitama’s anchor and brings him back down when he’s super anxious and depressed and tells him what’s up that he needs to fix without sugarcoating it. Would def have a bunch of inside jokes and go on dates that are just staying inside playing video games all night. Domestic af. 10/10
Fubuki x Mizuki: my first wlw Fubuki ship! Hard to find but very good. Mizuki is this big ball of kindness, energy, and raw power that would make Fubuki go ‘Ohhhhhhh, big pretty lady make brain go brrr.’ I could see Mizuki grounding Fubuki when she’s in over her head, giving her random gifts bc she saw sum and thought of her, doing a marathon run and wildly waving at Fubuki in the crowd, and all around being a dependable woman confident in herself and in love with a mysterious esper. Prob a little shy when it comes to anything physical bc she loves Fubuki so much and is overwhelmed by the realness of being w her. Fubuki gives Mizuki advice on ‘acting like a proper hero’ or whatever and though Mizuki thinks she doesn’t need it, Fubuki still helps her a lot w her career and being taken more seriously by others. Would give Mizuki someone who loves her for who she is and would go wild on her in private when she can be open about her affection, would be someone Mizuki could exercise with and listen intently to Mizuki’s physical knowledge, and would absolutely bandage her when she’s all banged up. Hnghh love this ship. It’s only behind the FubuPsy ship juuuuust a little bc they haven’t met in canon so we can’t be sure about their interactions and stuff. 8.8/10, I love WOMEN
Batarou: how could I go this far without mentioning them?! They have SOOOO much tension in the centichoro fight, like come on. Both snarky assholes who are huge softies one the inside, Badd being the more logical one (still a himbo, tho) and Garou being the more chaotic one. Probably take forever to admit their feelings bc they’re so prideful and stupid <3 flirt through constant wrestling matches and it takes Genos saying ‘they should kiss already, they’re getting on his nerves’ for them to finally realize what’s up. (@rayadraws has a great au where Garou Genos and Badd are a chaotic friend squad and Genos is the only brain of the group, haha. Very good au y’all check it out!) Would constantly pick on each other affectionately and switch into concerned SO when the other is hurt like the big teddy bears they are. Raise Zenko together for sure. Garou would fumble being romantic and Badd would find it both hilarious and cute. 11/12
Zombie mask/Amai x Zombieman:
So. I don’t like Amai Mask and I used to hate him, BUT the webcomic and fic have really helped me calm down on him (he’s still a dick tho), so it’s easier to want to ship him and stuff. Bc of Amai’s anger issues and controlling behavior, I could see this relationship being super toxic and icky—but I think they have some form of understanding that pulls Amai back from being a complete dick, you know? Start off as fuck buddies and slowly form something else from spending companionable time together other than screwing. Zombieman pulls Amai back from his angry fits and soothes him over with his logic. Talk maaaaaad shit about heroes, but only when they’re alone because Zombieman knows Amai will talk loud af about the heroes they’re roasting and Zombie doesn’t wanna stop a fight from happening. Zombieman loves making Amai flustered and has a secret check list in his head of all the things that get Amai red faced. Loves to listen to Amai rant about things for hours and loves to watch his face go through almost cartoon like expressions as he talks. He won’t admit it, but Zombie loves to be spoiled by Amai’s shit tons of cash and often takes rides in Amai’s limos when he wants to smoke and think to himself. Amai has a hard time realizing how his feelings have changed, but gets hit hard with it when he wakes up to Zombie making them breakfast one morning while wearing Amai’s underwear. Amai also loves to spoil Zombie and takes him out to restaurants and buys him cool new weapons on the weekends. @batneko has pretty much gotten me into this ship and I strongly suggest looking at their works! 7.9/10
DemonKnight/Genos x Zero/Drive Knight: I’m pretty sure this used to be a crack ship before the past like 10 manga chapters—and now here we are! Not a fav bc 1. ZERO LEFT GENOS TO SELF DESTRUCT AFTER THEY COMBINED TO FORM THE FUCKING JET HE WAS JUST LIKE lol bye SO LIKE if he left him to die that’s super hard for me to forgive and ship grrr 2. Disregarding the manga’s canon and looking at the wc, while I love the little trip they went on where Zero demonstrated his abilities and helped Genos kill monsters, it’s super sus. He knew alllll of this info on Metal Knight and was super supportive and understanding when Genos said he needed time to think. Like,,,what are his intentions? We know so little about him—is he trying to trick Genos or was he being sincere? THAT STUFF ASIDE, they’re a really fun ship. They’re both huge fucking nerds and can keep up with their talk on robotics for hours, they’re both cyborgs so they understand each other’s pain, and they’re both super cool and angsty. I think they could really settle into a deep bond that can go platonic or romantic, just depends. Genos needs more ppl in his life so hell yeah! Plus, he can really let go with Zero bc they don’t have that teacher/student relationship and Zero, if he’s really a sincere and kind guy like in the wc, can be there for Genos and listen to him. Don’t have much to say on this ship other than @wellthisisembarrassing makes GORGEOUS art of them! 6.3/10
Webuiko/Suiko x Webigaza: YEAH I KNOW THEY HAVENT INTERACTED IN CANON AND WE DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM BUT HEAR ME OUT. Webigaza—cool af determined cyborg idol who’s surprisingly down to earth when talking with Child Emperor. Suiko—sassy and honest fighter who doesn’t take shit and is very passionate. Suiko would go to talk to Web then immediately freak out bc aaaa she’s way prettier than she thought, she can’t do this! Web would have to gently encourage Suiko to talk and at first is like ‘ah man, must be an adoring fan, ugh I’m so tired. At least she’s hot’ but when Suiko snaps out of her shyness Web is like oh! She’s super cool wtf. Always bump into each other during fights and help each other get fixed up, Suiko using her muscle power to lift Web’s pieces (and give Web a great view of Suiko’s muscles holy SHIT) and Web would patch Suiko up. Not to be stereotypical, but they’re def a masc/femme couple. I love the idea of this ship soooo much and I really hope they interact! 6.6/10 only bc they haven’t met 😭😭😭 look them up on here! There’s some great art of them by a few blogs
Dr. Kuseno x Bang: pretty sure @baldyborg came up with this one! Super cute. Just two old dudes finding a nice friendship in each other, maybe after Bang helps carry Genos to Kuseno’s after a day of fighting. Bang would find Kuseno to be a very cute little nerd man and would be sooo impressed by Kuseno’s mad scientist skills. Kuseno would be super impressed when seeing Bang in action too. They’d prob talk as soon as they meet each other and Genos would be in the background like you guys it’s been an hour, please fix me I’m on the verge of death 🧍🏻Bang would give Kuseno advice on training techniques to teach Genos and advice on making his bodies more martial arts ready or sum, meanwhile Kuseno would give his take on how to be kinder to Garou so that Bang would learn to repair the relationship with a gentleness he’s seemingly lacking (yes I’m talking about the chapter where he and Garou start fighting and Bang is just not doing enough to reach out to Garou, he’s being a callous old man! So yeah I’m still mad about that). Genos and Saitama would prob be out on a date and Saitama would be like oh theres Bang, wonder what he’s doing? Then Kuseno would walk up and kiss Bang and Genos and Sai would be shocked like SIRS 👬 Genos would tell Bang he doesn’t need another adoptive dad and Bang would be like....ok.... I see them retiring in a cottage together and Bang would become a huge softie. Yes I’m actively ignoring chapter 141 of the wc, shut up. 7.6/10
TankTop master x Mumen: they have a nice friendship going on in the manga right now! Just bros supporting bros. Tank is the picture definition of a muscly himbo and Mumen is his cute passionate bf. Also workout buddies af!! Don’t have much to say other than pretty good ship, just not a fav. 5.2/10
To sum it up—
GenoSai: 2718873737839439/10, Batarou: 11/12, SonFlash: 10/11, KingSai: 10/10, FubuPsy: 9/10, Fubuki x Mizuki: 8.8/10, MumenSai: 8.4/10, ZombieMask: 7.9/10, Dr. Kuseno x Bang: 7.6/10, Speedal: 7.4/10, OneZon: 7/10, Webuiko: 6.6/10, DemonKnight: 6.3/10, Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: 6.1/10, TatsuKing: 6/10, TankTop Master x Mumen: 5.2/10, Mumarou: 4.3/10, FubuSai: 4/10, SonSai: 3/10, Genos x Sonic: 1.3/10, TatsuSai: 0/10, anyone x Puri: -1283828319833468282/10
If there’s any ships I left out, it’s bc I don’t know them, don’t wanna talk about them, or just don’t have an opinion strong enough. Also, I know there are some poly ships like Genos x Saitama x Fubuki, but I’ve read only one fic about that (it was pretty good, here’s the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406992 ) so I don’t feel like talking about it. Hope no ones offended! All my opinion here :)
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parvuls · 4 years ago
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fic: kintsugi
summary: The day after brunch at Jerry's, Jack and Shitty have a raw, much-needed conversation over the phone. Some issues need to be addressed before they can head down the road to patching things up.
word count: 6k
tags: year 3, post-comic 3.12, phone calls, friendship, canon compliant, apologies, introspection
notes: based on the prompt ‘providence + family’ by @atlasthemayor.
read on ao3
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Jack’s stomach churns strangely when he sees Shitty’s name flash on his caller ID.
It’s a disconcerting feeling, a slight jolt and twinge in his gut, both reminiscent of when anxiety coils low inside him and distinctive in some way. It makes Jack frown and set his heated dinner aside on the coffee table with the hand not holding the buzzing phone. He’s not sure he ever had this foreign reaction to Shitty calling him before, so after a brief moment of puzzlement he decides to write it off as a side effect of the exhaustion weighing him down.
The phone vibrates once more in his palm before Jack slides his thumb across the screen to accept the call. “Hey, man,” he greets, balancing the phone between his cheek and shoulder so he can pick his food up again. Shitty won’t mind the sound of his chewing, probably. “Staying up late to study?”
It’s coming up to half past eleven on Saturday night. Jack dragged himself through the front door and into the dark apartment at around ten forty-five, his muscles sore and his body beat from over twenty minutes of ice time. He dumped his gear bag in the entryway next to his shoes and headed straight into the kitchen without flicking any of the lights on, shoved one of his frozen meal plan boxes of grilled chicken and brown rice into the microwave without pausing.
The yellow glow of the microwave was the sole source of light in the room as Jack strapped an ice pack to his shoulder, still aching from Ericsson’s high-stick, stuck Bitty’s handwritten PB&J note on the fridge, and waited. The only thing he really wanted to do was fall face-first into his bed, text Bitty that he was home, maybe break down the game over the phone if Bitty wasn’t too busy -- but his regimen had taken precedence. He knew he needed to put in some calories and take care of his pain if he wanted to get up for his six a.m. run. By the time his phone started ringing, Jack was mechanically chewing on his food in the living room. His couch was more comfortable than a dining chair, plush upholstery engulfing his tired limbs, and it only distantly occurred to him that there was something sad about eating dinner alone in the dark.
Shitty’s call, when it came, was unexpected.
“Hate to tell you this, but eleven thirty is not late," Shitty replies, the familiar timbre of his voice tinny due to cell reception. It's an effect Jack is closely acquainted with after months of daily phone calls with Bitty, so he knows that's not all there is to it when he notices something else amiss about Shitty’s voice; like the rhythm of his speech is slightly off. He registers it as abnormal, but before he can figure out if he wants to ask about it Shitty carries on talking. “How’s everything going for ya?”
“Okay,” Jack answers plainly, piling rice onto his fork. He doesn't have the energy to think of anything more gripping than the truth. “Eating post-game dinner.”
Shitty pauses on the other side of the line, makes the creases in Jack’s forehead deepen. Something feels weird, but Jack doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it if nothing is really wrong. Sometimes people act in ways that confuse him for any number of reasons, and he’s not always good at telling them apart.
“Yeah, yeah, I saw,” Shitty says, clearing his throat quietly. “The Red Wings. Great game, brah. Your shoulder doin’ okay?”
Jack’s mouth slows down his chewing on instinct, and he swallows the rice with difficulty. Shitty never just tells Jack great game. Shitty talks about hockey like he’s the narrator in a porn film, with an enthusiasm unmatched by anyone Jack has ever met. Shitty once sang Jack’s praises for half an hour after a game against UND in which Samwell lost 2-0. That, combined with his tone -- something isn’t quite right, Jack thinks. He's more confident in that observation now, but his brain feels slower than usual and he’s too tired to connect any dots.
“Euh, yeah. I’ll be alright. Really have to shake it off and make sure I’m all there on Monday night, eh? We’ve had a good streak, but it’s always about how we play the next game. We’re getting better as a group.”
Jack’s tongue slips into hockey speak naturally before he can do anything to stop it, but instead of chirp him, Shitty makes a vague, throaty noise and doesn’t comment. “Yeah, I get what you mean. You and Mashkov really seem to hit it off out there, heh. Uh, listen -- I know you had to drive back for your practice, but. We didn’t really get the chance to talk much yesterday, and I guess…” Shitty pauses again, and Jack lowers the box to rest against his knee, apprehensive. “Well. D’ya have a moment? Because I’d really fuckin’ like to apologize for some shit.”
Jack’s hand clenches convulsively around his fork, a piece of chicken breast sliding off the tines and falling back into the box with a dull noise.
The early morning and then noon hours of Friday were an emotional blur. From the anxiety spike when Jack stepped off the plane to the car ride on the flooded highway; from the sleep-deprived, tearful conversation in Bitty's narrow bed to the cathartic brunch at Jerry’s with their friends. Jack drove straight home after his nap and stepped out of the car back in Providence to find his phone overflowing with chirping text messages. The chirps haven’t really died down over the weekend, but Jack doesn’t mind them, and he doesn’t think Bitty does either; it feels good to have a subject that’s been burdening them both treated lightheartedly. Trusting their friends with this secret isn't as heavy on Jack's shoulder as he feared it might be.
Shitty is the only one who hasn’t written much in the group chat. He and Jack talked briefly on the lawn outside the Haus after the six of them had returned from brunch, and then they resorted to roughhousing when the mood got too somber. Jack hoped that it’d be enough to put everything behind them, but if he pushes himself to think it through, a part of him has known that this conversation was coming. It wasn’t like Shitty to let things go so easily.
Jack's glad that Shitty can't see his face right now, because he can feel himself grimacing. He hopes his brief silence hasn’t been too revealing. “Shits -- it’s cool, yeah? We’re cool.”
“I don’t think we are, actually,” Shitty argues. His voice is growing strained. “You don’t have to talk, even --”
“C’mon, man, there’s really not much to say. Everything is good now --”
“Jack,” Shitty cuts him off, and the tone of his voice shuts Jack right up. Shitty can get wrapped up in things, can lose himself in long tirades about rights and wrongs and justice, but this tone sounds different than it has through the hundreds of rants Jack has been witness to. Shitty sounds dead serious. Jack blinks, and realizes: this isn’t Shitty being his normal self. He’s genuinely torn up about this. “Just -- will ya let me…? Please.”
“I…” Jack starts, but he doesn’t really know what he wants to say. He’s never been skilled at these kinds of conversations, and the odd feeling he got when he saw Shitty’s name on his screen squeezes even tighter than before, making him feel slightly nauseated.
“It’s -- I --. Jack, what I said in front of everyone during the home opening kegster… and all the other times I... That was some fucked up shit. I fucked up real bad, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Jack tries again, but this time the words feel so wrong in his mouth that he has difficulty shaping his tongue around them. It tastes like an outright lie, although he wasn’t aware he was even lying at all.
Jack hadn’t recognized the churning in his gut until now, but Shitty’s steadfast apology intensifies the feeling and dredges up what Jack has clearly failed to notice. He wants to tell Shitty that there’s no need to apologize, but apparently that’s just not true; it’s only now that he realizes the sharp response he had to Shitty’s call is bitterness. Jack’s feelings actually were hurt by Shitty. Maybe he should be startled by discovering wounded feelings he wasn’t cognizant of for over a month, but if this past summer has taught Jack anything, it’s that sometimes he manages to overlook the most substantial of things.
“-- and it’s not enough to be chill about it now,” Jack blinks out of his thoughts and tunes back into Shitty’s distressed train of words, coming chopped and fast through the ear speaker. “I should’ve -- before, too, I should’ve created a safe enough fuckin’ environment --”
“You were always talking to us about creating safe environments, Shitty,” Jack interrupts him. His voice sounds hollow to his own ears, and he puts his fork in the box and the box back on the coffee table to free his hands. He’s still making sense of his own mental state, and he knows that whatever is going to come stumbling out of his mouth will be barely coherent at best. “It’s not -- it was just that -- you’re always saying it’s important, and then, câlice… It was hard enough, hiding, and then with you as well --.”
Everyone was allowed to be queer, for Shitty. Jack remembers how in sophomore year Shitty marched into the Haus, ecstatic about the five different people who had come out to him that same week, babbling about how great it was and how different Samwell was to Andover. He mentioned sexuality labels Jack had never even heard of, had accepted so effortlessly those borderline strangers who had trusted him with their identities. Shitty has always been the most open-minded person Jack knows, the one to talk endlessly about the inherent toxicity of heteronormativity and to lecture the team about never labeling others without their consent.
Jack’s not always good at pinpointing the root of his own feelings, but the moment he thinks of that thrilled look on Shitty’s face almost three years before, he knows, like a lightbulb going off, why he was hurt. Because it seemed like everyone was allowed to be queer, for Shitty -- except Jack. Like Jack wasn’t queer enough to warrant the same respectful treatment. Like he wasn’t really allowed to be queer at all. Jack had never felt particularly close to his sexuality, but when even Shitty assumed so assuredly that he couldn’t be anything but straight, it stung. He just hasn’t registered it until now.
There’s a split second of tense silence, and then Shitty says, “I didn’t even know you were having a hard time, brah,” the pace of his speech slowed down.
Jack’s eyebrows draw together. His right hand, absentmindedly, pinches the fabric of his suit pants and rubs the smooth texture between his thumb and forefinger. “I don’t -- what does that mean? It’s not like you asked.”
Shitty’s breath comes out in a harsh exhale, crackles in Jack’s ears. Jack can hear springs squeaking and sheets ruffling, the sounds of Shitty dropping heavily onto his bed. “Brah. How was I supposed to ask? You never pick up the damn phone anymore. Shit, man, I know fuck all about your life lately."
The fabric of Jack’s pants stretches in the tight grip of his fingers as he blinks, takes in Shitty’s accusation, and realizes he’s right all in the space of two and a half seconds. He can recall a few missed calls that he never got around to returning, but it didn’t seem so important at the time. He was, and still is, in the midst of his first NHL season, trying so hard not to get so lost in hockey and his own worries that he drowns in it and forgets to be a good boyfriend to Bitty.
It never occurred to him that he was investing so much effort into being a good boyfriend to Bitty that he wound up forgetting to be a good friend to everyone else. He knew Shitty and he weren’t talking as often, that things between them haven’t been great lately, but the truth is he had so many other things to worry about that he let it drift to the margins of his mind.
Jack lets go of his pants, rubs his palm down his thigh to smooth the creases away. His momentary bout of anger deserts him with the release of a slow, purposeful exhale. "You’re right. I’m sorry."
"No, no, shit,” Shitty says immediately, switching back from resigned to guilt-ridden in the matter of nanoseconds. “Don’t -- damn it, don’t apologize, oh shit, I’m victim blaming aren’t I, I totally didn’t mean to put this on you --"
"Shitty --"
There’s the sound of bed springs creaking again and then loud footsteps hitting a floor, which Jack assumes are the background sounds of Shitty rushing up from his bed to pace the length of his room. He’s seen Shitty do it across his small room in the Haus countless times, and it feels strange now, having it happen forty miles away. "It’s just, you know, I tried and you didn’t pick up and I get it, fuck do I get it, remember how in freshman year you forgot to talk to anyone for like a week during the preseason stress?"
Jack cracks a tiny, shaky smile that he knows won’t make it into his voice. His first few months at Samwell were a horrible time, fraught with loneliness and frequent panic attacks, too absorbed in thoughts of the path he was supposed to take to function in the path he ended up taking. His therapist helped with that, later, but before that there was Shitty. Determined to be Jack’s friend for no good reason at all. "Yeah. And you broke into my dorm room to make sure I wasn’t dead."
"So it wasn’t like I was offended you didn’t pick up or some bull,” Shitty hurries to finish, “I know you, I get it --"
But that’s wrong, Jack thinks, frowning deeply. Surely, Shitty must know that. "Shitty."
"What? No, seriously. It’s not the first time it happened, and with the pressure of playing in the league and all, I totally get it -- it’s just --"
"You’re allowed to be offended, Shits." Jack says quietly. His hand reaches up to curl around the phone and tug it away from the crook of his shoulder, but his muscles remain tense even when his shoulder drops down. His other hand is still fisted on top of his thigh and the purple shadows cast by the faint stars outside the windows heighten the grooves of his veins. "I know I -- I know it can get difficult -- with me --"
"No," Shitty interrupts, sounding even more emotional than before, a penitent snowball that keeps on rolling down the hill. Shitty’s capable of rolling on forever, if he thinks something is truly wrong. "No no no, Jack, I didn’t mean --"
"Shut up, Shitty." Jack says firmly. He preserves, reminding himself forcefully that the sentiment he wants to establish is too important to be derailed by Shitty’s atonement. His hands have begun to shake slightly, but he needs to get it out. "I know I’m worthy of love and friendship and all the crap you were about to say. I’m just saying --. You’re allowed to be hurt even if it isn’t new behavior. Just because I -- my anxiety -- y’know. If it hurts you, you’re allowed to be hurt."
The other side of the line goes quiet for a long moment, not even the sound of breathing coming through. Jack closes his eyes, counts to ten, tells himself that it’s Shitty and that the two of them are going to figure it out. Fighting with Shitty has always been mentally hard on Jack, has always felt like shaking the only foundation Jack had to stand on. It didn’t happen often, but Jack tries to remind himself that whenever it did they always came out intact on the other side. Arguing was a healthy way to understand your needs and the needs of the other person, his therapist told him.
When Shitty speaks, he sounds awed. "Christ on a cracker, man. That was fuckin’ wise. That Bits’ influence on you?"
Jack pauses to consider it seriously, taking time to recompose his brain. Being with Bitty -- it has taught him so much, about his own feelings and others' and how to put them into words, the importance of open communication. He told Shitty that the previous day after Jerry's -- feelings could easily not occur to him, even if he felt them very strongly. He coexisted with them without acknowledging their existence a lot of the time, and this phone call is only one example of it. Being with Bitty, having to be aware and give name and give value to his own feelings to make things work between them, has changed the way he interacted with his emotions. Made him understand himself better. He’s not at all sure he would’ve been capable of articulating himself in a conversation like this if not for the progress Bitty and he have made together.
But being aware of his worth as a person, and learning that his disorder didn’t define him but shouldn’t be brushed aside either, that wasn’t Bitty. “No, Shits. That’s your influence on me.”
This silence is even longer than the one before it, and then it’s broken by muffled sniffles on the other side. Jack's heart leaps, panic building in his chest -- but then Shitty says, throat choked up, “I thought -- fuck, Jack, this is gonna sound so motherfucking stupid. But I thought you didn’t, y’know. Need me anymore. I know this is on me too, I’m barely keeping my head above water here and the whole -- fuckin’ Harvard situation, it’s not… but each day we didn't talk and I saw your game scores, or I would see those Falcs vids… it looks like you have this spankin’ fuckin’ brand new life that I know shit about. And you’ve got Mashkov, and St. Martin, and…”
Jack can’t find adequate words for a long moment, and once he opens his mouth he’s surprised to hear his voice is thick, surprised to feel hot tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. “Shitty. Tater is great. And Marty is great, and -- Thirdy, and all of them. But.”
None of them are you, he wants to say, but that sounds too dumb to utter out loud. That’s not how Shitty and he talk to each other, or at least, it’s not how Jack talks to Shitty. Shitty is good at phrasing his feelings in ways Jack can handle, but Jack can’t ever make the right words come out of his mouth.
There’s another pause, his mind blanking, and then he says, “Tater didn’t make me sign a friendship contract.”
Shitty snorts, but it isn’t a happy sound. “Jacko --”
“No. Shits --. Tater didn’t make the effort to be my friend even when I was doing everything I could to push him away. He didn’t drag my ass to the Haus my freshman year after I hadn't talked to anyone but faculty in two weeks. He didn’t argue with Bergey until we were banked together on every roadie and was heartbroken when no one spread rumors about us hooking up.”
That shot goes wide. “Oh fuckity fuck, Jack, I’m a fucking dickhead --”
“Bordel de merde, Shitty, will you fucking listen?” Jack rubs his fingers over the bridge of his nose, feels his skin crease between his brows. “Tater didn’t make me go to Gender in Warfare in Early 20th Century America because he knew it’d end up one of my favorite classes, or learnt my story about the fire extinguisher and the football team by heart, or -- or have been defending me behind my back since the first week he knew me. Tater’s great. I’m -- you know, uh, thankful, for having people on the Falcs. I didn’t think it could be -- after the guys at Samwell, no team would ever be the same.”
“Yeah,” Shitty says, sadly, in the tone of someone who knows exactly what Jack means.
Jack’s throat bobs when he swallows, chest aching. “And they’re great. But Tater -- or Marty, or any of them -- they’re not...”
None of them are you, Jack wants Shitty to hear, gripping his pants in his hand again to balance himself. He doesn’t know how to say it in a way that would make Shitty hear him. None of them could ever be you.
There’s once again silence between them, only interrupted by Shitty’s quiet sniffles and the erratic beating of Jack’s heart. His phone is too warm on his ear, clammy from sweat smearing over the screen, but he can’t bring himself to put Shitty on speaker. It feels like they’re too far apart to have this conversation already, like Shitty should be sitting here on the couch next to Jack in flimsy underwear like he was every time they needed to talk like this over the past four years.
After a long moment, Shitty makes an ambiguous rasping noise and admits, “I was jealous.”
Jack winces. “I’m sorry.”
“No. Yeah, I mean, apology accepted, whatever, just. I was jealous they got to be there for you every day, really be there in the moments I used to live through with you that I now know zilch about. I was used to that being me.” He then adds, much more grimly, “Except apparently I sucked ass at being there for you at all when it counted.”
Jack sighs. They veered off topic to talk about something Jack considers more important, but now they were back to that and he knows in the pit of his stomach that they, both of them, won’t be able to move on until they talk this through. This is a conversation they need to have, even if it would be easier for Jack to not have it at all. “Shitty. I need to tell you something.”
The thing about Shitty is that he has faults like the rest of them, but Jack has always known that he’d drop anything if Jack needed him. He knows because it goes unconditionally both ways. Shitty’s voice goes immediately even and he wastes no time before saying, “I'm listening.”
Jack swallows. It feels -- heavy, on his breastbones. It didn’t before, it didn’t at Jerry's. He doesn’t remember this weight from years ago, when he first talked about it with his parents, and then -- later, too much later -- with his therapist. His chest was so laden with other concerns then that there was no room for anything more, and this burden was only ever an afterthought. At Jerry's he was thinking of Bitty, of Bitty’s happiness and Jack's own happiness with him, and the necessity of the action for their joint happiness. It didn’t leave any space for this weight.
Now he can feel the weight. It’s stupid. Shitty already knows, and besides, it’s Shitty. Jack knows Shitty so well that he can practically predict the exact words he will use, and even if he couldn’t, he knows Shitty would never turn him away. Yet his chest feels tight, like he’s holding in all of his air, and his fingers are again shaking against his thigh. “Shitty, I'm dating Bittle.”
Shitty makes a baffled sound, clearly not expecting this choice of confession. “I -- yeah, dude, I know.”
“I’m dating Bittle,” Jack reiterates determinedly, eager to get it over with. “He’s a guy.”
Shitty goes quiet for a moment, and then he says, voice low, “Okay.”
Jack wasn’t sure he was going to say it, but now that they’re here, this is something he wants Shitty to know. “He’s not the first guy I’ve been with.”
Shitty’s sharp intake of breath at this is audible even over the phone, but other than that he doesn’t react outwardly. Jack's shaking hand lifts up to rub over his chest while he waits for Shitty to say something, and Shitty doesn’t keep him waiting long. “Okay. Thank you for telling me.”
That’s almost exactly the reaction Jack expected to hear, but for some reason he doesn’t feel settled. “It never came up before.”
“That’s okay, buddy,” Shitty reassures him. Jack’s not sure what Shitty is thinking, if he’s thinking anything at all. This probably isn’t as big a deal to him as it feels like to Jack.
Jack frowns down at the shadows of his socked feet in the dark, thinks it over, and then corrects, “No, actually -- no. It never came up with anyone else. But I did think of telling you. More than once. You were the only one… but I had reasons not to. Or, I thought I did.”
“That’s still cool, brah,” Shitty hurries to interrupt. “You don’t have to --”
“No, because,” Jack sighs, trails off midsentence. He doesn’t want Shitty to make this easy for him, to allow Jack to take the exit he’s being offered. He knows they could stop the discussion right there and Shitty would never say a thing, but he doesn’t want this to hang over their friendship for the rest of time, and he knows that it could if he doesn’t force himself to dig deeper. “Because when you assumed that if I had someone it must’ve been a girlfriend, it hurt. I didn’t realize before -- I thought I was upset because Bitty was hurt, and I hurt him even more with my reaction, and it mattered more at the time. But it hurt. And that’s not entirely fair to you, because you had no reason to think otherwise. Because I didn’t tell you.”
There’s more rustling in the background, and Shitty talks over him before the last word is out of his mouth. “Jack, no, you’re under no obligation to disclose your identity to anyone and it doesn’t give them any right to assume -- I assumed and it was so fucking wrong --”
“Yeah,” Jack agrees, because it was. He’s not trying to argue that it wasn’t. Shitty was wrong, but that’s not the point Jack is trying to make.
“I’m sorry, Jack,” Shitty sounds contrite, and Jack can almost imagine the look on his face now. The small wrinkle in his forehead, the downward slope of his mustache, the sharp angle of his jaw. Shitty always looks older when he feels guilty about something. “So fuckin’ sorry.”
“That’s okay, man. Eh. Well, it's not, but it's forgiven.” And it is, Jack knows. He’s already forgiven Shitty, would have to try so hard not to forgive Shitty. They’ve hurt each other in the past and they’ll most likely hurt each other again in the future, but it’s never done intentionally. Shitty’s friendship is worth all of this crap and always has.
“I guess I just... “ Shitty lowers his voice, and Jack has to press the phone harder into his ear to hear him. “Fuck, I don’t want to excuse my actions, this does not in any way justify the shit I said. But I guess, in my mind, even though I know you should never assume about anyone, I did think that because it’s you… that you’d tell me. If there was ever anything to tell.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack says this time. He’s not sure Shitty knows this, but this is what he was trying to get to before. What Shitty is saying is reasonable even if it isn’t ideal.
“Fuck no. What the fucking fuck are you apologizing for, you idiot --”
“I’m not apologizing for not telling you, Shits,” Jack stops him before it becomes another rant. He’s growing tired of using so many words at once, feeling the toll of the unexpected emotional turmoil he’s dragging his overworked body through. “I know what you said was wrong, and I know I didn’t have to tell you. I’m saying I’m sorry if you were hurt by it. And I'm apologizing if it made you feel like I didn't trust you, or. Or some shit.”
Another pause follows Jack’s words, and he has to stifle the urge to collapse sideways into the couch and shove his face into a cushion until everything goes away. This conversation, as necessary as it is, doesn’t come naturally to either of them. They’ve been talking about their feelings for too long now and it’s starting to get awkward and overwhelming.
“I’m not saying I wasn’t super touched by your previous comment,” Shitty says, suddenly. “Because stereotypical masculinity is complete bullshit and I’m not ashamed to admit I teared the fuck up. But Jack -- Bitty has done some serious work on you. Or, like, you know, healthy relationships and all, you two worked on yourselves with each other to be better and all that, but. Man, I don’t think that’s a distinction you would’ve made six months ago.”
Jack considers it. The idea of someone’s hurt being valid even if the reason for it didn’t make sense probably isn’t a concept he would’ve been able to grasp, or at least would not have paid much thought to. Looking back, he was probably hurt dozens of times by little comments in the Haus, or things he heard around campus, or moments of feeling left out by his team; but when the reason for his hurt wasn’t completely logical it was harder for him to allow himself that pain. He would usually distract himself from it, instead. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”
“But can I just say again -- I'm so fucking sorry for being a heteronormative jackass. I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for hurting Bits, I’m sorry for --”
Esti de câlice de tabarnak. Jack drops his face into his palm and sighs over the string of Shitty’s rapidly escalating apologies. Jack is fully aware that Shitty is just going to apologize until they’re both old and gray if Jack doesn’t stop him. “Shitty, can you knock it?”
Shitty hesitates, but the flood of his words stops. “I miss you,” is what he says eventually.
Jack drops his hand down, leans his weight on his elbows and blinks at the dark room. Shitty used to tell him that all of the time. When they were apart on school breaks; when they were separated on roadies; when Jack had two lectures and a senior workshop on Wednesday nights and Shitty wouldn’t see him for several consecutive hours. Shitty’s affection was always abundant and inescapable, and Jack didn't know it was something he was lacking until he finally hears it. “I miss you, too, man.”
Shitty lets the gravity of it, the seriousness in Jack's voice settle between them, the earnestness he wouldn’t usually hand over easily when they were back at school. And then he says, “It’s hard as fuck, man. It’s hard to admit that it’s hard, too. It’s hard to see Lards’ pics from kegsters I can’t attend anymore, and it’s hard to find friends in this pretentious shithole full of pretensions dicks, and -- Harvard is fucking hard, Jack. And I hate being away from you guys, but I don’t wanna bring you down with my sad. You assholes are my goddamn family, there’s nothing that’s ever gonna replace that. It sucks knowing that I'm stuck here. I miss you so much it drives me fuckin’ insane.”
Jack knows, instantly and wholeheartedly, what Shitty is talking about. He’s living his dream and he loves the Falcs and he’s sincerely grateful for all of it even on his worst days. But sometimes stepping off the ice after a grueling practice and getting pictures of Bitty, laughing with Holster and Ransom on the ice at Faber -- it aches somewhere deep inside him. Sometimes he lies awake in foreign hotel rooms in foreign cities, and while most nights he longs for nothing more than Bitty’s presence, others he closes his eyes and wishes Shitty was there to crawl into his bed again. Sometimes he puts on his jersey before games and imagines the blue and yellow are red and white. His team from Samwell is his family, too, and sometimes missing them feels like missing an amputated limb.
“I wish we got to see each other more,” Jack squeezes out. His windpipe feels strangled, and for a moment he thinks that if he blinks too hard tears might well up again. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s so tired his body is shutting down, or because he’s been holding on to more emotions than he previously thought. “I didn’t know --. I feel the same way, Shitty, but I didn’t know you felt like that. I’m sorry we didn’t really talk much lately.”
It wasn’t something Jack was consciously aware of, but he more or less assumed that if Shitty was ever struggling he would just reach out for help. Shitty was always the better one of the two of them at communicating his feelings, at saying when he needed something or was going through a rough time. It never occurred to Jack to reach out and ask because he always figured that Shitty would come to him first. It's a startling realization. He really isn’t as good a friend as Shitty deserves.
“‘S not your fault,” Shitty objects, even though in some ways it really is. But Shitty means it, Jack knows, despite the lingering hints of anxiety. Shitty wouldn’t say it if he didn’t honestly believe it wasn’t Jack’s fault.
“Maybe, but you should make time for the things that matter to you, right? I’ll try to be better about that. I wanna be there for you, too.”
Shitty sighs, and the tails of it turn into a breathy, weary laugh. “Fuck, Jacko, this is a fuckin’ sobfest. Shit, man. Yeah. I’ll try, too. We could Skype, even. You know I miss that mug of yours.”
Jack finally pulls the phone away from his ear, wipes the sweat tracks away and switches the call to speakerphone. His calendar app is full of cute little reminders Bitty leaves anonymously, like 06:30 work hard and have fun! or 11:11 someone is thinking of you. He’s developed a habit of checking his calendar often these past six months, counting down the days until he gets to see Bitty next. He’s sure it won’t be easy, especially with the progression of the Falconers’ season, but from now on he’ll have to make every effort to fit more people into his schedule. Bitty makes him happy, but he’s not the only one who does.
Jack scrolls through the events logged into his upcoming week. He’s got a game on Monday and one at home on Wednesday, and then Thursday is American Thanksgiving. Bitty is throwing together a whole meal for the Samwell team. He told Jack that he’s under no obligation to come if practice time doesn’t allow it, but... “Are you going to Hausgiving on Thursday?”
Shitty curses loudly. “Fuck, I fuckin’ wish, but I don’t know if that’s smart. I’ve got this fuckin’ test coming up. But I promised Lar-- uh --”
Jack smirks, even if it’s only to himself in an empty apartment. Lardo texted him after Jerry’s to let him know that the two of them will exchange deets privately like civilized bros, but Shitty still seems to be under the illusion that he’s fooling someone. Like his heart-eyes haven’t been obvious from space -- and Jack is painfully aware that if he noticed, that really says something. “Lardo, eh? Not getting out of that one.”
He can almost see Shitty’s answering furious blush from all those miles away. “Fuck you, Zimmermann, don’t make this about me. What I was sayin’ is, I wanna be there super freakin’ bad -- we all know I will gladly sell my right leg for Bitty’s cooking --”
“And for Lardo’s company,” Jack chirps, incredibly satisfied with this turn of conversation.
“I will fuck you right up, don’t you think I won’t!” Shitty threatens emptily, even though Jack takes him down every single time. “Seriously. Your bro becomes a pro athlete and suddenly he thinks he’s a goddamn comedian. Anyway. For Bitty’s cooking, I will make an effort. You got team stuff?”
“No,” Jack says with finality, swiping his calendar closed. He always feels better when things are put into action. “I think I’m going.”
“For Bitty?” Shitty asks, most likely trying to chirp Jack back.
“Well. Yes,” Jack says, perfectly honest. He’s not in any way ashamed of how much he wants to be near Bitty all of the time. He doesn’t think he can remember ever being less ashamed of anything in his life. “But also for you. Think you can meet me there?”
Shitty’s quiet. And then he says, “For my best friend? I’ll meet you halfway across the universe, Jackabelle.”
After the two of them hang up the call, Jack doesn’t move, his eyes fixed blindly in the direction of the windows across the room. His food is growing cold on the coffee table, but Jack thinks that at this point he might genuinely be too tired to eat. Whatever little energy he had left after the game was spent on this conversation with Shitty. He doesn’t regret it; they needed to say all of those things. Jack needed to hear all of those things, both so he could forgive Shitty for something he didn’t know he was holding onto, and so he could work on being a more considerate friend.
The game plan is solid, though, Jack decides. Thanksgiving dinner at the Haus will bring the opportunity to be completely honest with his friends after months of hiding a big aspect of his life from them. And it’d be fun, too. Ransom would put together actual charts for the seating arrangement, and Holster would draw everyone into a betting pool on the football game results, and Bitty would inevitably prepare insane amounts of food using the frogs as his sous chefs. He would probably insist that they’d hold hands around the table and say one thing each of them wants to give thanks for, as well.
Jack doesn’t mind American Thanksgiving, but he’s never really seen the point of that ritual. He’s known for a long time now what he's truly grateful for.
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blossom-hwa · 4 years ago
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college model!juyeon
SO the people have spoken (aka 3 people but it’s more than 0 so I DON’T CARE) and without further ado HERE WE GO IT’S A COLLEGE MODEL JUYEON BLURB. please reblog if you enjoyed and check out my other dumb overly long blurbs in the stream of idiocy tag on my blog <3
pairing: juyeon x gender neutral!reader
wc: 2.4k
genre: fluff, a bit of angst when mc is stressed, university!au
triggers: cursing, like the tiniest bit of suggestive stuff but absolutely nothing explicit (it’s really just saying juyeon is hot which wbk)
fashion major!kevin
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so juyeon isn’t actual a professional model-model like he just happens to be v tall and v handsome and therefore catches the eye of every single fucking fashion major (and other people too) on campus but i’m focusing on the fashion majors because he is LITERALLY model material. have you seen those fucking arms and that fucking face ANYWAY MOVING ON juyeon is an absolute sweetheart behind those stupid muscles and anyone who works with him swears it is impossible like legitimately impossible not to fall in love with his dumb little smile but the thing is juyeon only really agrees to model for fashion major kevin usually like sometimes kevin will pull in a favor and ask him to model for someone else who can’t find anyone (bc let’s be real kevin’s got a lot of friends he could definitely rope someone into modeling for him /cough the other 2/3 of bermuda line cough/ but more often than not kevin takes juyeon not bc juyeon is like the best model or whatever (he’s good obv but some people probably have more experience) but bc juyeon is the only one who will willingly wear some of kevin’s more questionable choices
and the fucking thing is. he still looks good in them. he walks down the runway in this weird ass shirt and pants or whatever the hell kevin’s cooked up for this assignment and people are like.... IT’S SO WEIRD BUT WHY IS JUYEON PULLING IT OFF
so YEAH juyeon is happily modeling his way through college while doing a dance major (one time kevin did his makeup to purposely make him look slightly sweaty and the crowd went fucking insane) and he’s got a lot of things going for him, looks, talent, hard work, etc. and he’s v good at dancing, one of the top in his year so in exchange for his modeling work kevin goes to his dance recitals/competitions to cheer him on and that’s actually how juyeon meets you
you’re feeling shitty bc you just broke up with your partner for whatever reason, let’s just say it was not an amicable breakup and you were about to hole yourself up in 1. the dorm or 2. the lab and just drown yourself in work to forget everything but kevin is one of your good friends and he rolls up and is like. nah. fuck no i’m taking you out we are going to get lunch and then we are going to go see my model friend at one of his dance recitals i promise you it will be FUN and??? you can’t exactly refuse because it’s kevin and he’s not wrong you actually do need to go outside and get some fresh air bc the only time you have left a building over the past week or so is to 1. go to class/the lab from your dorm or 2. to go to your dorm from class/the lab (you are a science major here bc i am a science major and i am heavily projecting ok don’t come at me. though i will say you do theoretical physics which i DO NOT DO but i think it’s cool if mind-blowing so again. projection. despite the fact that i will not touch quantum mechanics after today with a ten foot pole)
so kevin forces you outside and the day is going ok like it’s nice out and he pays for the food and the dance recital is amazing and juyeon has this mf solo that’s absolutely gorgeous and you’re like hitting kevin in the shoulder like omg dude how did you score a friend this talented and he’s like??? what the fuck do you mean by that are you saying i’m not talented and you’re like. well. and then he threatens to deck you but it’s all in good fun anyway MOVING ON when the recital is over kevin drags you over to meet juyeon bc he’s like! it is unacceptable that two of my good friends do not know each other and juyeon if you’re not doing anything you should come with us to dinner! and juyeon is like well i was going to go out with the dance team but you two could come with us and he’s all smiley and soft and you half want to praise the heavens and half want to go to hell bc he looks so sweet and happy and lovely and it’s an honor to be in his presence but at the same time you haven’t left a building for like a week and you’re pretty sure you still have eyebags that haven’t disappeared (jokes on you they’ll never disappear this is university) but kevin says yes for both of you and so you end up with dinner plans too
and it’s fun! everyone is really nice and even though you know nothing about dance you and juyeon end up having v cool conversation about each other’s interests and all that and you’re so immersed in talking with him that you don’t see kevin giving you side-eyes next to you every five fucking minutes (he’s like well. i didn’t see this coming but i’m not going to complain) and by the end of the night you have juyeon’s number in your phone and you’ve made plans to get coffee before class the next day (you don’t have the same class but they’re in adjacent buildings and at the same time so why not) and you go back to your dorm feeling happier than you’ve felt all week
it continues like this?? like it’s actually v weird bc even when you two don’t have plans to meet up juyeon just magically appears around where you’re supposed to be and when you remark on this at one point juyeon just kinda blushes and diverts the topic which makes you suspicious a little but he’s really sweet and has no stalker-ish vibes and you also double-check with kevin who just fucking starts laughing over the phone until you hang up bc he clearly doesn’t have the brain cells to talk to you anywho this is model juyeon and i haven’t talked about that much but HERE WE GO 
kevin has a fashion show assignment coming up and juyeon doesn’t have much time to hang out anymore between fittings with kevin + his own major so you end up carting your ass to the fitting sessions after kevin invites you once to see what’s going on and juyeon actually gets scared by all the numbers n shit on your papers bc like what the fuck y/n are you a computer and you just whap him over the head with your stack of homework and say no shut the fuck up and model pretty boy (you don’t see but juyeon blushes bc you called him pretty. kevin saw though and he’s not impressed) but you end up not focusing on your homework bc kevin has juyeon put on and take off clothes at multiple points during the session and ofc if it’s pants or whatever juyeon goes into a different room but if it’s just a shirt.... let’s just say you get a free show and at some point you’re just like yeah i have to go and kevin’s like?? there’s still an hour left and you say something like i can’t focus here the vibes are off and KEVIN KNOWS WHAT’S UP but juyeon is adorably oblivious so he’s just like! ok! see you later y/n i hope you get your homework done :) and he’s so smiley and cute and you just want to melt and cry bc he’s shirtless which is hot asf but he’s also smiling like that which is cute asf and you’re getting whiplash
(you still end up joining the sessions every so often. you bring homework to try and get it done but your time is either spent critiquing kevin’s fashion choices or staring subtly (not) at juyeon)
then a not good week rolls around and it’s just been absolutely shitty between crap professors and too much homework and your lab is working on submitting a paper soon and you’re stressed to the max and to top things off you saw your ex earlier and they tried to talk to you and you really didn’t want to have it so you’re in the lab crying over your computer while you try to proofread the stupid paper and your phone is off bc you don’t want to talk to anyone but then the door bursts open and you nearly have a heart attack and there juyeon stands in clothes that definitely aren’t his own (they’re too sleek and fancy to be normal clothes at least) and his eyes are kinda wild before they locate you in the corner of the room, shell-shocked and confused and also still crying a little bit out of stress 
and oh god juyeon’s eyes just soften totally and he walks over and before you know it you’re being pulled into a juyeon hug which is quite possibly one of the best hugs you have felt in a very long time and you’re doing your best not to break down right then and there bc his clothes feel hella expensive and he’s asking you what’s wrong and you can’t speak bc if you do you’ll cry on his model clothing and you finally manage to say that and there’s a beat of silence and then juyeon just goes well would it help if i took the shirt off 
AND THAT JUST SETS YOU OFF AND NOW YOU’RE CRYING AND LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME AND JUYEON IS HALF SMILING HALF UPSET THAT YOU’RE STILL SAD BUT LIKE IT’S FINE IT’S TOTALLY FINE AND somehow you manage not to ruin kevin’s latest fashion creation (which makes juyeon look unfairly handsome even through your puffy eyes) and juyeon closes your laptop and takes you out to the convenience store (still dressed in his modeling outfit jfc) and over shitty ramen and alcohol (or water/juice/whatever if you don’t drink) you tell him about your crap week and juyeon commiserates and listens
at some point you ask him why he’s still wearing kevin’s clothes like?? surely you weren’t running around in them all day and juyeon just looks down and mumbles something and you’re like speak louder dude i can’t hear you and apparently he was in the middle of a session w kevin and kevin looked super stressed and worried and juyeon asked what was up and he told him about how you weren’t responding to anything and juyeon just. booked it the fuck out of there to find you and well now here you both are
and that. that just touches the FUCK out of you and wow you’re crying again bc of that and out of guilt for not talking to kevin or anyone and juyeon’s freaking out like oh my god please stop crying did i say something wrong and you’re just wiping your tears away with a napkin like no you doofus i’m sorry i made you worried it was just that shitty week and??? why did you sprint out of there IN KEVIN’S MODEL CLOTHES you gotta give those back??? and it looks like silk you know that’s going to be a bitch to clean
juyeon just pouts then and mumbles something under his breath and is like. it’s not more important than you.
which makes you reel bc that sounded a lot more like a confession than you’re really ready to process and juyeon seems to realize that at the same time and now you two are both just wide-eyed staring at each other and juyeon’s ears are going red and you’re still in shock and at some point you’re like... juyeon you stupid bastard say that again and he DOES and okay maybe you’re not dating by the end of the night but you sure are two weeks later when you ask him whether or not this is now a date and if he’s your boyfriend and juyeon spills coffee all over himself
(he mumbles yes as you’re wiping the coffee off his front though so it’s fine)
(it does not help that the coffee has now made the outline of his stomach visible)
anyway in general it’s a v cute and v sweet relationship :D juyeon is head over heels for you and you’re head over heels for him too and you’re not like the over the top sweet and gross couple you two like to keep it a little low-key but ofc that doesn’t stop kevin from banning you from fitting sessions w juyeon out of fear that you’ll like make out while juyeon’s wearing the modeling clothes but that’s just kevin being a little shit so it’s fine
juyeon manages to bring that silk shirt back to kevin in one clean piece
you manage not to die every time you go to one of juyeon’s dance recitals (even when he puts in a fake eyebrow piercing and you almost have a heart attack)
juyeon often likes to come into the lab for nothing other than to watch you work bc according to him its fascinating to watch you manipulate numbers and actually the lab is a v nice and quiet place to get things done when it’s mostly empty so you have a few study dates there
you go to juyeon’s dance practices sometimes when you have nothing better to do and get excited over showing him the physics of some of the dance moves and juyeon understands almost none of it but he’s beaming bc you’re so excited and animated while talking about it and the first time this happens is when you two have your first kiss. you ask juyeon if he was kissing you to shut you up and he says no i just thought you looked so happy that i had to kiss you
juyeon is a gentleman and you are like the sarcastic best friend turned lover but it really works out and yea there are a lot of people jealous that you managed to wrap juyeon around your finger but you’re also wrapped around his it’s v much a partnership where both of you rely on each other and yeah. it’s sweet. it’s lovely. juyeon hot but more important juyeon best boyfriend ever <3
and that’s how it goes.
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If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3
(1 reblog = 1 prayer for kevin’s clothes let’s all pray that no tears stain his silk)
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sydneydoesstuff · 4 years ago
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I've seen alot of your takes on c!dream, but I have one thing that's irked me.
When you say "c!dream has shown 0 remorse for what hes done" I agree, however, it's a bit more complicated than that imo.
How is he supposed to show remorse when his main point of "dont have attachments, they only be used against you in the end" has been proven time and time again?
Not only has he been thrown into the prison, isolated for the last 6 months, but hes also been literally tortured for the last 3. His time in prison has been longer than lmanburgs existence.
He hasn't been shown what he did wrong nor has he been given the chance to grow from what he did, and frankly in my opinion, if he suddenly felt remorse from being literally abused in prison. That to me is a bad narrative.
Its basically saying that if someone is abused enough they'll change into a good person.
Thanks for the ask!
I’m not going to lie, I struggled a bit to answer this ask, as I’m not quite sure what you’re asking, so I answered to the best of my abilities.
Here are my primary thoughts on Dream: Dream’s an evil prick who murdered a child, who routinely wants to know what people think about his resurrection ability.
Personally, that tells me everything I need to know, and that’s that he doesn’t actually care what he’s done to Tommy. If he actually felt remorse, he wouldn’t constantly ask other characters if they think he’s cool for murdering and resurrecting a child.
I mean, he’s asked that as recently as Techno’s stream, and he was doing it all the way back when Quackity first visited.
And yeah, he’s been tortured, but you’d think that’d make him put his thinking cap on and think “Hm, this torture sucks really bad. Hm, Tommy went through the same thing when I beat him to death. Maybe that was bad.” But he didn’t, because he enjoyed hurting Tommy.
The point of prison was never to teach Dream what he did wrong. It was to keep everyone else safe from Dream because he’s a bad person. He’s not being tortured by Quackity to become a reformed man.
He also shouldn’t need to be told what he did wrong. He’s a big enough boy to realize blowing up a nation several times; murdering multiple of its inhabitants (who are all mostly children); attempting to bribe someone into betraying and hurting the people in said nation; trying to frame a child for griefs he did himself; forcing another child to chose between exile and war; kidnapping, abusing, and manipulating a child for fun; stealing the items of multiple server inhabitants to control them; trying to imprison A PERSON in a 1x2 cage for leverage; and attempting to murder a child for some fucked up origin story is wrong.
Dream has enough brain cells to realize he was locked up for a reason, and it sure as hell wasn’t reform. And even if he were to suddenly have some epiphany and feel remorse, that doesn’t mean he’s suddenly a good person. A good person wouldn’t do those fucked up things in the first place.
So when I say “Dream feels 0 remorse for everything he’s done” I say it because I feel he’s had plenty of time to feel remorse and he hasn’t, so a sudden turnaround doesn’t feel likely.
He’s a bad person who knows he’s a bad person. I mean, he’s even stated he wants to be the villain to Tommy’s hero. He knows damn well he’s not doing the right thing and he enjoys it.
Also, a huge props to @atlasfreak, who helped me put this monstrosity together. He was a huge help, so go give him a follow.
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whorefordazai · 4 years ago
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Okay😁‼️ so I was tagged by @hanazou to ship my mutuals with some characters so let’s get into it😏 I’ll only do like 5 mutuals for this cuz pls I have 0 brains cells🧍‍♂️(I’ll probably end up doing self-ships👩‍🦯)
1. Hua (@hanazou ) I ship her with Oda😄 (YES I KNOW ITS A SELF SHIP HOLD ON LEMME EXPLAIN) okay so I think she’s either chaotic or “calm”—there’s no in between. So Oda’s calm, spaced out, and air head demeanor would compliment her horny thoughts and sadistic ways, right🙂? But they would also be very sweet and protective of the kids they want (unless I come along and kidnap them all🤪)
2. Mich (@dazaicafe ) THIS WAS THE HARDEST ONE🙄 I ship her with Dazai (STOP I KNOW ITS A SELF SHIP🔪) hear me out. Dazai is chaos—Mich is also chaos but the organized type of chaos. So Dazai would be ringing hellfire upon Yokohama while Mich *nervous sweat dripping from her forehead* is driving the car (I know you can’t drive which makes it 10 times better💘)
3. Lev (@f4ncyhat ) I ship them with Ranpo! OKAY HEAR ME OUT LEV—I feel like the best way to describe a relationship with you and Ranpo, is similar to Ranpoe. Like Ranpo would be the one dragging you out everywhere and always unintentionally testing your social skills 🥲 but don’t worry, he’ll love to spend quality time with you cuz being around other people tires him out too🥰 expect a lot of candy sharing and him <3
4. Ein (@uwu-monster101 ) I ship them with Atsushi. HEAR ME OUT🙌—both are very caring to their friends and the people they love🥰 tbh it could also be platonic now that I’m thinking about it 🤔 BUTT I’m feeling as though you guys would have the best compatibility since Ein is a borderline arsonist (you’d somehow manage to convince Atsushi to commit arson with you) and at the end he’d be like “how? When? Why😄?”
5. Nyx (@cross-crye ) I ship them with Akutagawa. Lemme just say, you guys give off the same aesthetics and vibes. NOT the hostile type (more like quiet, less energetic—but still up for interaction) and getting to know others. Akutagawa would appreciate someone who isn’t jumping around with 100 balls of energy so there would be a lot of peace😏 but also! He’s not totally opposed to the idea of arson so I guess you got yourselves two arsonists🔥
Okay tbh nyx, I could ship you with fyodor too😏
a/n: really sorry if I didn’t get the right stuff😁‼️ I mean, at least this gave me some practice for future *cough cough* events *cough cough* 😏
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kikuism · 4 years ago
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mariam!!! okay now that tumblr unearthed that lost ask i also need to know what 3 songs you'd choose for each of your characters!! :'0 🎶
hello jenna!! 🤍🤍🤍 so so so sorry for the late response!! but in this time i've really gotten to think about which songs fit my ocs hghfhf i really had to use my brain cells for this bc you know i .... don't listen to english/lyric songs but at the same time i didn't want to just put instrumental/anime music for them 😔 this is like....new territory for me. so without further ado....
kiku: no introduction needed!! keywords: spring, pining, forbidden love.
reflection — mulan 1998: god. this is the kiku song. is anyone surprised??? Every single lyric just hits. i scream. “can it be i'm not meant to play this part? / now i see that if i were truly to be myself, i would break my family's heart.” SCREAM. “somehow i cannot hide who i am, though i’ve tried” i'm sobbing.
bloom — the paper kites. p i n i n g .... pure sweetness.
renai circulation — kana hanazawa: i haven't watched monogatari but this song is everywhere and everyone knows it. it just sounds so cute and the lyrics are So kiku....about feeling all 'fuwa fuwa' when your crush looks/smiles at you. and there's this lyric: ‘i know that the me that's inside of you isn't as big as the you that inside of me”, like, oh my god.
bonus: i love the way—from the something rotten! musical. kiku is both of the characters here 😌📚💕
and finally, spring by max richter....this is how kou makes kiku's heart feel :")
kou: the hardest one to find songs for. i guess it's just hard to find songs about....[gestures vaguely] gentle wise philosophical souls. kou is like....an ancient, loving olive tree.
constellations — the oh hellos: this is a song about how nothing is set in stone, how we try to find meaning in our experiences, how our perceptions of the word are constantly changing and falling apart, like tectonic plates, like constellations. kou is someone who muses a lot about the world and his experiences with it, especially as a blind person.
while my guitar gently weeps: from what i have read about this song, apparently it is about the universal potential of all of us to love and be kind, and how, for some people, that potential is still sleeping. being the philosophical healer that he is, i like to think kou muses on these things too.
telephone number — junko ohashi: ahhh japanese city pop....i love this song, it's so cheesy and sweet. kou loves loves loves talking to kiku on the phone, even more so since he can't see him,,and he loves his voice so much and he's always waiting for him to call :')) 'don't forget my telephone number, i want you to dial it anytime you're worried' ☎️💕
mull of the mountains: a lovely celtic harp! this piece is just so peaceful and tender and soothing. this is the energy kou gives off 🤍
naomi: overachiever, eldest daughter, no-nonsense. sharp, cold, elegance.
therefore i am — billie eilish.
oh no! — marina and the diamonds: the naomi song....omg. “don’t do love, don't do friends, i'm only after success” hello??? and i love the duality of confidence and anxiety in this song. “i know exactly what i want and who i want to be / i know exactly why i walk and talk like a machine” and “one track mind, one track heart / if i fail i'll fall apart”.
caprice no. 24 — paganini: this is a piece renowned for its difficulty....i always imagine naomi trying to play it. and its sharpness reminds me of her too.
aida: disney princess, wants so much more than this provincial life, adventure in the great wide somewhere....
when will my life begin? — tangled ost: the perfect song for aida! she's bored by the routine in her life and craves something new and exciting. she does make the most out of each day but also she just wants something new, you know?
belle — beauty and the beast ost. aida walking around the village in the early morning to buy ingredients for breakfast...
what the hell — avril lavigne: “all my life I've been good, but now i'm thinking what the hell, all i want is to mess around.” WOW. aida is such a goody two shoes who sets an example of how others should act but sometimes it's like. aren't you tired of being nice? don't you just want to go apeshit? i just think it's really funny. these feelings surface especially after she meets the world's #1 troublemaker, kaname.
kaname: gaslight gatekeep girlboss. eat the rich.
bad guy — billie eilish.
royals — lorde: “i've never seen a diamond in the flesh”, “we aren't caught up in your love affair”, “we’ll never be royals, it don't run in our blood”. kaname also definitely turns up her nose at the lavish decadent lifestyles of the wealthy.
anklebiters — paramore: 'someday you're gonna be the only one you've got' okay! scream.
buddy, ryo — devilman crybaby ost.
shou: gothic, weird, eerie. like a wisp of dark darting between the trees....not really of this world...
control — halsey.
seven devils — florence + the machine.
meet me in the woods — lord huron: this song is delightfully gothic and creepy and otherworldly. just like shou is, constantly straddling the line between this world and the world of the dead.
little dark age — mgmt.
hajime: the knight in the knight-and-prince dynamic. has the unfortunate dilemma of crushing on said prince.
tongue tied — grouplove: something about being in love with your best friend 😳😳
somebody else — the 1975.
king and lionheart — of monsters and men.
zen: extremely bisexual. he's just here for a good time not a long time. he's the complete opposite of kiku in that he revels in his lavish decadent lifestyle and wouldn't have it any other way.
how to be a heartbreaker — marina. this is his anthem tbh....zen doesn't know the meaning of commitment. he loves playing around,,,breaking hearts,,,,but what's going to happen when he actually catches feelings??
young and beautiful — lana del ray. everyone loves zen....but will they still love him even when he's no longer young and beautiful? i like to think it's an insecurity of his. also #doriangray vibes....
god, i hate shakespeare — something rotten! ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS EVER JGJDKSJGJ this is scandalous of me to admit as an english major.......anyway this is absolutely zen energy. bizarrely, i like to imagine this is a dialogue between zen and kiku hghfhgj
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