#.prsnl

[amoural]

i was inspired

[theepoetspoem]

It's just me and my ADHD against the world.

Idk what to say about myself at this point. Most people don't read these anyway. For those who do - I'm a chonky ThinkyThot. I talk much too much and my heart loves so hard that it's disgusting. If you wanna buy c*ntent, hit up my DMs. The theme of this blog will be Chaos.

33 | She/They | Queer | Partnered

¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Free all the people under occupation.

[notababy-babygirl]

The happiness you feel when everyone is winning in life.

[rueyam]

little morocco dump 🇲🇦

[softheartedlover]

no pickmesha around here

[finebime2]

I love flirting

(I have no idea what I'm doing)

[nefelibatastudy]

august 16, 2024 | preparing for the nov 2024 PNLE, too many to study, i don’t even know where to start, but i just have to believe on the process i guess and hope for the best.

[b-lessings]

Workout day one ✅

[poleeeng]

feeling @herjourne and @katoptrisse’s love from miles away 🤍

lucky to be friends with the most generous and kindhearted girls. thank you for this birthday gift for me and our little bean. jacques and i are blessed to have you! i love you always and i miss you so much!!!

[wtfcaraaa]

🐿️

[amoural]

redraw of an old adrienette paparazzi photo 📸‼️🐞🐈‍⬛

original | ig

[theepoetspoem]

Tryna manifest having my ass ate

Hungry and needy with lil twitches bc he's simultaneously stroking his d*ck

[rueyam]

daily reminder to NOT give your 110 percent to a job but only as much as is necessary <3

[horce-divorce]

something something about the power imbalance inherent to being an unhoused person, how similar it is to the dependency that abusers intentionally foster in their relationships to keep victims from leaving. but if you're homeless and someone is putting you up, especially if it's for free/some kind of exchange other than rent, you're basically expected to put up with whatever indignity they can imagine for you and still just be grateful. And if you set a boundary or speak up for yourself in any kind of way, that's Taking Advantage of this poor kind person who's doing SO much for you already, how could you?

sorry its 2am and I'm trying to write a better draft about this for later too but its like. being homeless is a huge, huge vulnerability. ppl people will look to exploit that, intentionally or not. and doubly so if you're homeless because you're disabled.

also something the ableism involved... about how I know so many fellow disabled people who have struggled with homelessness, and we all have similar stories about people we trusted, friends or loved ones who seemed all too happy to help and take us in, and how we repeatedly impressed upon them the nature of our health and the situation, and they swore up and down that they understood and that we were on the same page about boundaries and expectations... only to have them blow up and kick us out at the absolute first sign of conflict or miscommunication, or because we didn't get jobs fast enough, or because we didn't contribute financially even after being told that wasn't expected, and so on.

and how, I know so many housed people who have never been through this, who all have very similar stories about how they tried to help a friend in need once, and they were SO lazy and horrible and took SO long to get their shit together that they clearly were just a freeloader taking advantage who should've never been trusted, just like all homeless people, and that's why we give them socks and canned beans instead of money.

I was never allowed to complain about ableist expectations or abled people ignoring my boundaries in my parents' home. Especially not after I became a disabled adult who still needed help with housing. And that's been true of most of the couch-hopping I've done since then, too.

Currently we have a fairly nice situation... we live with a trusted and pleasant friend. It's a whole house, not an apartment. Not even in the city. We have our own entire room. We don't have to pay rent or anything. It's temporary even aside from our discomfort, it's just been a nice place to land for the cold months.

However. Friends parents are not so chill. Their dad is the most disgusting man alive and has repeatedly gotten us sick bc he's always got something, bleeds all over and never cleans it up, never washes his hands, leaves his dentures on countertops and tables with food still stuck on them, coughs all over our stuff and never masks, is actively making the mouse infestation worse with all the food he leaves out, and puts our health at risk in SO many ways.

he used to work in Healthcare btw. His wife still does. They know we're here bc we're homeless; they know we're both disabled and immunocompromised; neither of them will wear a mask. Both of them are constantly coughing everywhere and not even covering their mouths. We've tried to politely bring this to their attention multiple times and nothing changes. They just ignore us.

We could literally die from this. We could get lifelong health complications even worse than what we have now. Bel lost his sense of taste today and now we're terrified that it's gonna be long covid or something else that sucks what little joy is left from our daily lives.

You lose everything, and then you're supposed to just say nothing and accept your lot, no matter how much danger you're in, because beggars can't be choosers. If you're disabled and poor you'd better just be fine with people abusing you and putting your health and safety at risk indefinitely, because you're lucky they're even helping you at all instead of JUST abusing you.

You dont get to have a home. You dont get to collect things, or keep sentimental things, or have a whole, adequate wardrobe. You get what you can carry with you and what won't get stolen or destroyed by others, or by the nature of moving so much. You dont get to have safety and stability and roots and community. You dont get the dignity of boundaries or your own space. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And be happy and say "thank you" if people are merely ignoring you instead of actively silencing you. And if the people "helping" you actually give you the thing that kills you, at least you didn't die of exposure, I guess? Or something?

Its just. Every single thing you do as both a homeless & disabled person reminds you how utterly worthless you are to the """normal""" people around you. Every day. It's so demoralizing.

[finebime2]

Sometimes I feel like a goddess.

Other times I feel like a rectangle.

[nefelibatastudy]

june 6, 2024