#.but that's for later. hungy and need to shower

[cursedthing]

.imagining pearl like this at times

[zephyr-together]

it’s been exactly one month since top surgery! here’s a summary of what all went down! disclaimer: please do not feel that you need to feel pressured to remember things from this post or any other, your doctor should instruct you on the most important things to do or not do, and also this is my experience and everyone’s will be different! 

I saw Dr. Kenneth Wolf! I highly recommend him if you’re in the area or able to get to him, very skilled and very cheap (only was $5400, $5900 if you get nipple grafts which I ended up deciding not to have) there is a 250 lb weight limit though, they weigh you the day of surgery so if you’re unsure if you’ll be able to make it I’d suggest seeing a surgeon who operates more on plus sized folks

he was/is SUPER booked, I had my consultation in October and had to schedule surgery in June. this made me confident I made the right decision though because of how many people go to him, and having to be stuck in the body I didn’t want for a lot longer than I thought made me more eager to have it so I wasn’t as scared as I would have been otherwise. that being said, it might be smart to ask ahead how long the wait time is so that you can save during that time! because I didn’t know about the wait I had already had most of my money that I got together since last June so I could’ve had it about four months sooner, but hey everything worked out in the end :) 

speaking of saving money, for this doctor there’s a $500 down payment that I paid when I went to the consultation visit (if you’re out of the area they can do consultation over email btw!) the rest was collected about a week and a half before surgery. I have a debit card so it had to be split up in three transactions. I’m very thankful they worked with me on that!

I went into a small room where the doctor met me, marked me up and took my picture. then he said the anesthesiologist would meet me, which she did in a few minutes and went over a bit of questions/paperwork and took me to the operating room! 

I lied down on a table with my arms out, it felt like I was an alien getting vivisected, that combined with my needlephobia made that a bit scary but I’ve been waiting so long so it was exciting too. they had me hooked up to an IV but I think they did that while I was under because I felt the needle go in and then out. and then in a minute I was out! 

I wasn’t aware of this because it was during the surgery but they have a machine to massage your legs to keep up circulation and I had a tube down my throat too. when I woke up the first thing I hear is “the surgery was a success!! :D” and it felt like a weird dream because of anesthesia but in what felt like a few minutes I was almost as awake as normal which was surprising because I was out of it for hours after getting wisdom teeth out so I thought this would be way worse in that way

I had three intense sensations when I woke up: nausea, tightness and hunger. they asked right away if I was nauseous and gave me an alcohol patch to put on my nose which immediately took the feeling completely away. I had a very specific craving for Burger King’s impossible whopper, I think that’s because of not being able to eat I wanted something substantial like meat (vegetarian so closest thing to it) and something QUICK because hungy 

the tightness was pretty intense and unexpected, I felt desperate to rip off my surgical vest but they assured me it’s actually fairly loose. I think it’s just the incisions that give you a tight sensation but what you see and feel on your body is the vest so your brain says that’s the culprit I think. as time went on I ended up feeling desperate for the vest actually but I’ll go into that later

when I got the whopper I’m VERY thankful my dad who met us after picking it up also got the milkshake because I couldn’t produce saliva at all and didn’t know that would happen. I think that’s from having the tube in my mouth. I also could barely hold anything with my left hand because of that being the arm I had the IV in, but both the no saliva and limp left hand things went away in a few hours I think

by the time we got home which was I think an hour and a half after I woke up, I had really intense pain in my throat and under my armpits. the painkillers they gave me eventually kicked in about an hour or so after I took them, I’d suggest to bring them to surgery maybe if possible so you can take them asap, I think I wouldn’t have had that at all if I did, at that level of intensity anyway. for my throat I basically went nuts and drank water, had popsicles, ice cream, fruit, cough syrup, etc and it went away in 2-3 days or so

speaking of the pain under my armpits, that was from the tubes in me to drain extra unwanted blood and puss and stuff like that, it sounds super awful but I wasn’t allowed to remove the vest for five days and I’m naturally sweaty so I didn’t even know there were tubes in me or that I was draining until like four days later. I was stuffed with tons of gauze under the vest so eventually when I did notice the drainage we pulled out the dirty ones and pushed in some clean ones (they provide you with the same kind of gauze). the main awful thing about it was just the idea of having tubes in me, it didn’t bother me so much when I thought it was part of the incision haha...

now that I complained about the tube and throat pain I will say the “pain” for me of the actual incision area was almost nothing for me at all, just a bit of a weird tingly or pokey sensation every so often and that’s all really. but again everyone is different ! 

appetite was funny because it felt like I’d feel really hungry and eat hardly anything and feel good! another post suggested to have pineapple to help with bruising and I think it worked because I ate pineapple constantly and had pretty much no bruising at all

also I hope this isn’t too gross but I couldn’t pee and I was constipated. it wasn’t too much trouble because for the. pee I could just push and it’d come and for constipation that’s a problem that happens for me in general. both took about a week to wear off. they’re side effects of anesthesia I believe. other side effects I had from that were my legs and arms would feel pretty sore at times and my legs were wobbly, they said that I’d need to move my legs around a bit every once in a while to prevent clotting and I got a bit nervous about that so I ended up going for two walks a day! probably not needed to do that much but I think it helped speed up leg recovery 

after that more intense pain was gone after just a few hours I felt fine to watch shows and play viddy games! I thought I’d be zonked out for days or something but I was pretty alert after just a few minutes of coming out like I said. I could’ve probably drawn or made plushies too but it just felt so weird to move my arms at that point and was probably for the best I didn’t and just watched stuff and played games and slept a lot. it felt a bit frustrating how boring it was at times after a week or so but I just focused on how much of my life I’ll feel good now because of this so the recovery time isn’t that bad knowing that

five days after the surgery I had my first post op appointment! this was for the doctor to inspect the incisions, give us ointment to put on the scars and more gauze, and to finally be able to throw away all of the gauze that was under the vest! at this point I was allowed to take off the vest to replace the gauze and put ointment on as well as shower, and was given bandaids to put on the tubes for showering. however the sensation of not having the vest on at this point was SO horrible to me, I felt like a doll that was being pulled and unraveled apart, it made me want to throw up too so I took a shower as fast as possible and then just opted to get my hair shampooed at salons every other day for a couple weeks, so in retrospect I could have not gone five days with no shampoo but nothing can go absolutely perfectly after all!

a couple days later I ran out of oxycodone and tried replacing it with motrin which gave me three vivid nightmares in a row of having really bad fights with my parents and friend over dumb things which sounds silly but it messed me up emotionally and I kept sobbing uncontrollably out of nowhere that I felt like such a burden to take care of. I thought I was just emotional from the surgery but as soon as I switched to tylenol that went away completely! I don’t think it’s that motrin is bad because I looked it up and it’s a rare side effect, it’s just either that my body specifically doesn’t like it or it was the way it was combined with the antibiotic I had 

the second post op was to remove the tubes and it was 13 days after the first post op. they said if you live out of the area you can remove the tubes yourself so I’m very thankful we’re in the area haha. the left tube came out so smooth and quick that I didn’t feel it even come out at all! the second hurt for a second but I think because it kept getting bent backwards but it didn’t hurt too much. the tubes were SUPER wiggly and actually pretty flat so I think they’re constantly improving them to make them less and less noticeable. 

I was told I had to use the bandaids on my holes for showering and keep gauze on them too for just two more days and I could also throw the vest away then. I still felt too sensitive to get rid of the vest yet and wore it for another week, I still have it in case I want it for now (been going without it for about three days at this point) it still feels very strange without it since it feels like it’s holding you together but I think no matter how healed you are it will a shock to your body to not have that on anymore...also the “holes” from the tubes are more like slits which just look like slightly more open areas of the incisions so it’s barely noticeable. there’s some swelling where that used to be but that’s going down! 

now at this point where I’m at, I still feel best putting ointment on with gauze and bandage wraps I bought as a transition from the vest to nothing under the shirt which seems to be working pretty well! it might be that I’m autistic that I’m so sensitive to that feeling and had to have my vest on longer and now this instead of nothing. also I took three weeks off of work initially (I work a desk job) and asked for a couple more weeks of working from home before going back to the office to be able to adjust

also I will say if you live alone, I think you can handle surgery and taking care of yourself if you’re determined, as long as nothing you need to use to feed yourself and whatnot is up too high, too low, or too heavy. but if you can I’d highly suggest staying with someone who can help take care of you, it really helps easy the transition. in my summary I will say there was almost no pain at all but a whole lot of WEIRD stuff I wasn’t used to, but in the end it’s not a whole lot to deal with, considering! 

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2636

today was a pretty good day. it started out with class and talking to an SAS advisor for accommodations for classes, and i took a shower and went to pick up nick so we could head down to the con together. i learned on the way that he watched bleach?? and is familiar with the music???? which was fuckin rad for the ride down because we talked theme songs and sang along with my playlist the whole way down. i love havin my bro around. he's cool.

got in, checked in, went and grabbed badges, ran around for a while, camped out in jess's office to just chill out and wound up putting together staff folders and helping with the paperwork, ran around some more, checked in, went back to jess's office to talk to my student, was online with her for an hour or however long with her, went and had some frustration with where things were for painting fans, eventually got in the swing of it because there was a shitload of anxiety all day about it, made friends, talked to people, had a good time, cleaned up a bunch, cleaned up everything (which took two and a half hours to do), wondered in the meantime where the fuck my dinner was, sat back in jess's office when i was done, felt myself on the verge of a breakdown because it was 11pm aka my bedtime and i still hadn't eaten anything so i went to grab more things from con ops, and then went to the green room and had a breakdown in the corner behind the bar. kianna sat with me while i cried and told her about my predicament, but all things considered, only one person didn't get food, so statistically speaking that's good. it just sucked that it was me, who is alone staffing crafts, who also has a tendency to not eat ever, that it was who didn't get food. so.

kianna grabbed me things to munch while i calmed down and i was really appreciative of her thoughtfulness and consideration, and having someone i was familiar with and comfortable with being the person i needed to talk to made it a lot easier to go in and say "hello i require sustenance," unlike last time, when i didn't even know where the green room was until the night before it was over. the same thing happened then, too. i guess it's just always me. i should plan for it next time.

sigh.

anyway, i hung out with kianna and company for a couple hours and then came back to the room where i chatted with dean for half an hour or so until joel came in, and now he's resting next to me and the poor angel is so tired. i just adore him. i'm glad he's helping run this shit because i could never. thank you, love.

oh! i also made a new best friend today! he's our artist, who does all of the art for the con year after year. he sent a message to jess later in the day asking, "is my new best friend one of lisa's kids??" i laughed so hard.

overall, con good. me hungy, but all good. i hav breb.

[dateandmate]

The Avalanche Part III: Body Count of One

*** Warning: Long read! ***

“These violent delights have violent ends

And in their triumph die, like fire and powder

Which as they kiss consume.

The sweetest honey is loathsome in his own deliciousness

and in the taste confounds the appetite

Therefore love moderately

Long love doth so

Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.”

W. Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet

Monday.

First day back at work, and I could not focus on doing any actual work because I simply could not wait to see him. I managed to leave a bit earlier than usual, I wanted to look good for him. I’d missed him so much, I don’t remember missing anyone so much before. I’d missed him so much, travelling back to UK from my home country felt like coming back home. Oddly. 

I found a way to leave a little earlier than usual, took a quick shower to be at my best when I see him, and started waiting for his arrival. As he was coming up the stairs, my heart was beating like a drum. A drum madly in love.

I had one of the biggest smiles I ever had as he was walking down the corridor - not entirely reciprocated by him. Love does hinder your ability to see things as they are sometimes, you see, so I just assumed he had a bad day at work.

He gave me a peck. A peck, after 3 weeks, after my surgery and all. Light-heartedly, but slightly puzzled, “Can I get a hug?”, I asked. He hugged me, with a “Sorry...” swiftly muttered as he did. 

We sat on the sofa, talked about our days briefly, I told him how much I missed him, we kissed a little. “I’m quite hungy, do you want to go an eat something?” he asked. “OK” I said and we left.

He was…different over dinner. I could not put my finger on it but it almost felt like he was not happy to see me. He had a sad look on his face. I remember asking if everything was ok at work, with his mum, with his brother who had some stuff going on. He said all was fine. As I do, I filled in the gaps with blabbering. He was holding my hand across the table the whole time, but that’s sad look never faded.

We finished dinner and went home, started watching something. All I could think about was kissing him, and more. Now here I have to say that we had this thing where we could hardly finish watching something, the chemistry was wild. Add three weeks apart on top of that, and what I felt was a ticking bomb. 

This was a time where he was looking for a new house to buy. He’d grown up with a single mum in a village, but then had lived in multiple places in the country for his studies and work. Including London which he was not fond of. At the time he was living in one of the nicest towns in Yorkshire but dreamt of settling in in a village with his wife and kids one day. Even his town was too big for him. His business would always need to be in a big city as he was one of the founding partners of an agency, but he wanted to live as far away from the city life as he could. Now this city where his work was isn’t one of the top three cities in UK so don’t imagine something like the jungle that London is. But for him it was still big, He had made this very clear to me and he also knew I grew up in a big city and the city we met in, whilst being too big for him, wasn’t doing enough for me. I lacked inspiration, arts and culture, and diversity there. I felt alone. I struggled. In a few conversations we’d had, this came up and he’d expressed it loud and clear that it makes him worry that what we want in life was so different. I’d tried to calm him down by saying that bridge could be crossed when we get there, and that I was open to compromise but only 5 months in and at the risk of unemployment due to the reorganisation in my company, I’d rather manage expectations. All I’d asked was time and understanding. I’d told him the work thing is messing with my head as I never had a risk of unemployment and my sheer existence in UK depended on that work visa. And I was in love for the first time in my life. It was very confusing and difficult.

As we were chatting on the couch, he started to show me the houses he was looking into. I did not want to assume anything and was trying to be objective and not say much on either because I did not think I got to have a say in the house he wanted to buy. He muttered something like, this potentially being his family house (they were all in a village in the same county) but he was not sure what or who he is really buying for, as he wasn’t on the verge of starting a family. He was one of the smartest, most articulate people I ever met, to this day, and he sounded rather confused and distracted by his own thoughts. I felt a big lump settle in my throat. The uneasy feeling was growing. This wasn’t how I’d imagine this evening to feel like.

After a while, in a moment of utter confusion and silence, he started kissing me. As they usually do, things heated up and we went to the bedroom. It was... affectionate, caring, but also different. He was always very gentle with me and that night felt even gentler. As we went to sleep, I tried to comfort him regarding the questions in his head, and thought we’re still ok although we might need another conversation on this.

When we woke up in the morning, I snuggled up to him. Once again, he started kissing me and one thing led to another. I remember this very well. right in the middle of it, he took my face in his hands and stopped for a while. He had a look on his face that I’d never seen before. A little sad, but caring. I asked why he’s looking at me like that, he shook his head and just kissed me. We took a shower, got dressed and left together. As we were waking in the neighbourhood, he held my hand, the whole time, as usual. I remember trying to tell myself everything’s ok, there we were, like we used to be. There was a little coffee shop in the corner where I used to get coffee from sometimes. He said he will get one in the office, gave me a quick peck as usual as he walked away to work.

About 10 minutes later, I received a text saying: “By the way, remember when you were away I’d told you I wanted to express my thoughts and feelings in writing? I actually did that. Left the envelope on your coffee table just before we left. Read it and we can talk this evening.”.

I found it really weird that he’d spend the night with me and never mention it. Then sneak into the living room and leave it there. If I did not ave an important meeting, I swear I would have turned back to read it. That day was like hell. I was dying to read it, but also thought we should talk about it in person. So I called him in the afternoon and said, I’ll read it in the evening but I’d rather talk about it in person. He said he was working from home that day (a different town). I don’t mind, I said, I’ll take the 25 min train ride to talk about something as important as this - all the while having no idea what was waiting for me in that envelope. His concerns about the future and where we are, I thought. I was expecting a difficult conversation but a break up was definitely not what I thought was on the cards.

I went home and read the letter, Posting it here, although I might regret creating a rather permanent memory of it in the online universe by doing that. It took me more than 2 years to be able to write about it, so I could as well bid farewell to this story completely, even if I can’t make peace with it.

I felt... empty. Everything I’d believed was possible about love, was sucked out of me all at once. Things that I never used to define myself, like religion (I’m agnostic), or nationality (I always say we’re born into it and I don’t take any pride or shame in it), were used to label me, limit me to an idea of a person rather than a real one, by the only person I ever fell in love with.

I read it over and over again, not being able to comprehend how the liberal, left-wing, modern man I fell in love with, who had expressed his admiration of my independent, feminist, strong identity, saying it was one of the things he fell for when it comes to me, could be so narrow-minded and borderline racist, condescending me and my culture and my status because he feared he would have to make 10% of the compromise as I made 90%. I was upset, caught off-guard, and shocked, but thought we could talk about this as I still wouldn’t have imagine this could be the end. So I sat down and made a list about what matters to me in life. Made a list about what I like about the city I was in at the time. Thought about my time with him, how he made me feel. And decided, while I’m an idealist and my life plans are important to me, for the first time in my life, I’d be open to compromise because he made me feel the way he did make me feel. This was a difficult confrontation with myself - one I’d avoided for a long time. The thought process that got me to this conclusion wasn’t a walk in the park. It took thinking about everything I hold dearly in this life and accepting that I’d have to let some of that go.

He texted me to ask if we could speak in half an hour. I said OK.

After half an hour that felt like a week, my phone rang.

He asked what I think about it all.

I said some of the things I’d read were very difficult for me to read and I still could not believe it was written down by the same hands that were on me that morning. That hugged me. That held my face.

I also explained how I was scared by the idea of it all but was ready to compromise, also reminding him it was too early to have these conversations about the children we don’t have, raised in a house he had not bought yet, nurtured by a marriage that wasn’t in the horizon yet.

“I know it sounds ridiculous,” he said, “if I’d met you 5 yers ago, believe me, we would not have any of this conversation. But I’m 37, and call me rigid, but I always dreamt of being married with a baby in my arms by 40. Every Christmas, I look back and reflect on the year I had and this year, it made me uncomfortable and panicky. You know how quickly I fell for you and I don’t want it to end in disappointment when 2 years from now you either decide you don’t want to live here anymore or are forced to leave.”

I cannot tell you how much it hurts by being reminded of your immigrant status by the person you love.

This gave me leeway to mentioning the bit about the culture. Not that I was obsessed with the culture of my homeland - and he knew this very well, from date number one - but what made his better than mine? Who was he to say I’m incapable of singing English nursery rhymes?! Was he aware of how ridiculous it is that we’re talking about which language I would sing to our imaginary children? How hard it was to be reminded that I was a ‘visitor’ here, especially at a time where my employment and hence my legal allowance to stay was at stake? Did he realise that he sounded like a secret right-wing xenophobe? That I was hurt by being reduced to the labels I’d been trying to distance myself from this whole time? He apologised multiple times. Saying he may have expressed himself slightly incorrectly. Suggesting I knew him and knew he wasn’t racist or xenophobic. “I don’t care”, I said, “and to be honest I don’t even know what you are anymore. This letter is hurtful and regardless of how this conversation ends, I cannot believe you were able to to this to anyone.”.

I also reminded him that I insisted talking about this face to face. “I know” he said, “and I’m sorry, I just wasn’t sure I’d be able to sit there, look at your face and tell you these things. I know it sounds cowardly but I did not think I’d be able to compose myself.”. I reminded him of his age, and said that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

When I questioned his sudden revelation regarding my foreign roots, I asked him if deep down, he was willing to be in a serious relationship with a foreigner. That thing about the culture and how our children would be raised, had nothing to do with my life plans and whether I was OK to live in a village in Northern England. Even in that last phone conversation, he was still trying to validate his reasons by talking about me having to go through an exhaustive process to get the citizenship even if I marry a British citizen, and that had nothing to do with me having a career and wanting to succeed, or having my own aspirations in life. That was about my identity. These were things that had a direct relation to my heritage that he was not comfortable with. Was he able to comprehend what a long term relationship, or a marriage with me would be like? Splitting holidays, potentially learning some of my language to communicate with relatives, etc... Now for me, being with someone from a different culture is interesting, exciting, enriching. I did not think he felt the same way. After a pause, and to my surprise, he said “You know what? I noticed I never had to think about that until you. I only ever dated British women. And when I had to think about it, long and hard, I noticed... Maybe I wasn’t indeed ready for that.”.

Well good morning. Wish you knew this before you pampered me as much as you did, expressed your infatuation, how you were smitten with me, how you lost all control, how you were keen to talk about the future, and before I fell for you, hard.

After a bit of an awkward silence, and around the 1.5hr mark of the conversation, he said that we both had received new information. I had no idea he had a break up in mind, and he had no idea I’d be open to compromise. He suggested we sleep on it, and talk again the next day. “Face to face?” I said, knowing a break up was on the cards, “I’m sorry, he said, I don’t think I can.��But let’s check back in tomorrow.”. 

I cried for the next 3 hours, until my eyes were so tired the only reasonable thing to do was to go to bed. Needless to say, I wasn’t able to sleep much. My pillow was still wet from the tears the next morning. I woke up, I cried before I could get myself to get up. I had this sinking feeling that it was unsalvageable. On the bus to work, I cried a little more. Had to run to the bathroom multiple times that day to cry in the toilet cubicle. Called a close friend, told her about it, she tried to comfort me with all her optimism. “It’s over”, I said to her. “I feel it.”

That evening we talked a little more, and I told him, while he knows very well how strongly I felt about him, the fact that he was able to write those things and do this to me, leaving a letter with the intent to break up when he’s had sex with me in my bed that morning, made me question if I really knew him.

I said everything that I thought was hurtful the day before, was even more hurtful today, the more I thought about them. I asked him if anything changed regarding his position. He mumbled it had not, and suggested we end it there, but said he was open to answer any questions from me or talk more about it.

“I don’t have anything else to say to you”, I said. “This was a slap in the face. You can’t force life, you can’t force love, you can’t force marriage. You can’t lay out every single detail of your life and try to find a woman that’ll shift shapes to fit into that template. Oh you probably can, but those women are not the women you’re attracted to. I still wish you the best, I wish I could curse or be hateful, but I choose not to. But know that I am very upset, shocked, and disappointed. And please, I beg you, please, don’t do this to anyone else. If you’re walking away from someone you’d given high hopes to, at least have the balls to talk to them face to face, like a man of your age and calibre should. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, I’ve run out of things to say.”

He apologised again, interrupting as I said a apology doesn’t mean anything.

“I’m still interested in your life and would like to know how you get on, so maybe after a while, I could see you?..” he asked.

“No, I’m sorry, no. I don’t need you as a friend, and I can’t have you as a friend. A friend would never do this to me. And it’s too hard for me to even talk to you right now.”

We hung up.

I don’t know how I made it to the next morning. I did not have a single moment of sleep and could hardly stop crying. I did not know a human being could cry as much,

I don’t remember much about the days that followed either. I was a ghost. I was the shell of what I used to be.

2 weeks later, he was back on Bumble. Because he had no time to lose.

A few months, he already had a new relationship and had made it official on Facebook. So it must have started straight after me.

There, the story of me falling in love for the first time ever, and being dumped with a letter. A letter that mentioned Brexit when I’m a non-EU immigrant. A letter that questioned my ability to sing nursery rhymes in English. A letter that suggested I would not be able to celebrate Christmas (I love Christmas). A letter that was full of rubbish excuses from someone who just did not have the ball to face life and all the bumps it would throw my way, with me.

The snowball, had caused an avalanche, and swept me into my own little hell, as he moved onto his paradise with the next girl and somehow, was able to sleep comfortably after being so vile to someone.

[theblondegoesabroad]

Day 327

Thursday 24th December 2020

Christmas eve, and wow it is really starting to feel like christmas. Ever since watching love actually on the 14th of December I have been looking forward to my first white christmas, and today the magic happened! But starting at the beginning, today, I got up and as usual did my work out, I started a bit later than usual as I leant Benoit my phone to play music during his trips and my internal alarm doesnt usually wake me up at 6.30am, and if it does, it is much easier to ignore! But at 7.30, I was up and ready for my workout, and spent an hour working out, it was good and I really enjoy waking up like that. Then after a bit of organising and planning, Joelle and I headed to the supermarket to get ready for Christmas eve with the family. Joelle and I decided to make lots of little apertisers for dinner instead of making a big effort for dinner and then no one being hungy because of all the nibble and honestly, it was a good plan. Once we got back from the shops with everything we needed, we got to work on what we could pre-prepare for, we had duck and fig, and mushroom and onion samosas on the menu so made the fillings for those, got the chicken crouquettes rolled and ready for dinner, and the rest was prepared rather last minute so it was nice and simple. After lunch and a bit of knitting for me, it started to snow, like really snow, light white snowflakes were everywhere, and trust me from my spot on the couch with my knitting by the fire, with the veiw of the christmas tree and the snow falling, it was pretty darn magical! I was grinning. Joelle and I decided to make the most of it and go for a run outside. And apart from getting extremely wet feet, it was incredible, it was magical to see the snow dusting the paddocks and the pine trees covered in snow, it really is starting to feel a lot like christmas! After we got back and showered, Marie arrived and helped us finalised the nibbles, when Benoit and Pablo arrived we were all ready for drinks and presents. Because there is going to be quite a lot of us tomorrow we decided to do the interfamily presents today as there were still quite a few and it is always nice to be able to see the person open your present! So we settled in for delicious nibbles and presents! I must say that I think Benoit and I did pretty well on the present giving front this year, I think everyone was rather happy with their presents! We gave Marie and Pablo quickdraws, Marie pink and Pablo orange, blackdiamond ones, I really love the blackdiamonds and I think that they were appreciated! It was good to see! For Paul we got him and chip cutter, you know one of those push down ones where the potatoe gets sliced by the little grate and for Joelle some raveoli plates for making raveolis, so a climbing and cooking themed christmas! For Benoit, I got him a pair of E9 pants and some sneakers that he really wanted, it wasn’t the biggest surprise for him, because he had been talking about these shoes for ages, but he was pretty happy! Benoit gave me a pair of E9 pants, a sports bra, and a Alex Megos Tshirt (my favourite climber) so that was neat, I was very spoilt, Maire gave me some gymshark shorts and a little star sign book for 2021, Pablo a quickdraw, and Joelle and Paul gave me ski mittens and ski socks! Overall felt very spoilt and we had a lovely evening, by dinner time we were all ful but luckily Joelle and I only planned for salad and crouqettes so it was nice and light! Merry Christmas eve everyone! Love Kate xxxxxx

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Hey Angel Chapter 77

“No, absolutely not,” you shook your head at Harry. 

“What?” He whines. “I love this shirt.” 

“No, you’re not wearing that in our pregnancy photos,” you said. 

“You know sometimes having a stylist as your girlfriend is really a buzz kill,” he mumbled going back into his closet. 

“I heard that!” You said. 

“I love you!” He said innocently. 

“You better! I mean I am carrying two of your children and I’m going to have to push them out in a few months,” you said walking into his closet. 

“And I love you so much for that,” he smiled putting his hands on your belly. “I still can’t believe we’re having two babies together.” 

“I can,” you groaned. “I never got this big with Ella.” 

“You look beautiful,” he smiled. 

“Thank you, now move so I can pick out your outfit,” you said. “Shoo.” 

He groaned moving to the side and watched you looking through his wardrobe. 

“Here, wear this,” you said handing him an off-white button-up. “And just wear some black jeans.” 

“Yes ma’am,” he smirked. 

“Ew, don’t do that,” you shuddered. “It makes me feel like your mother.” 

He laughed. “Anyway, what are you going to wear?” 

“You will see,” you smiled. “Now, get changed while I go get the kid’s outfits ready and once you’re done you can dress them.” 

He nodded and dropped his towel with a smirk. You rolled your eyes and went into Jackson’s room. You looked through his closet and quickly chose a color that would fit well with what everyone would be wearing and did the same when you went into Ella’s room. 

The two of them were in the playroom, while you and Harry got ready. After you did your hair and makeup, you went into your closet and took the black lace maxi dress that you had bought. You smiled when you put it on and giggled a bit you saw your belly in the see-through portion of the dress. 

After you were all ready to go, you went to see if Harry needed help getting the kids ready. When you walked in he and the kids all turned and looked at you with huge smiles on their face. 

“What?” You asked. 

“Look pretty Mummy!” Jackson giggled. 

“Very pwetty!” Ella clapped. 

“Wow,” Harry smiled. “You look absolutely beautiful.”  

“Thank you,” you blushed. “Is everyone ready to go?” 

“Ya!” The kids smiled widely. 

“Okay, we’ll we better get going, Uncle Hunter is waiting on us,” you said. 

“Whoo Hooo,” they giggled. 

You laughed and head down the stairs and into the car before driving to a private beach in Malibu to take pictures. 

**

When Harry pulled up the spot on the beach, Hunter was already there. Harry and yourself got the kids out of the car and they ran straight over to Hunter and attacked his legs. 

“Be careful! He’s our photographer for the day!” you laughed. 

“I love how you're more concerned about me being the photographer, but not your brother!” He shouted. 

You laughed and Harry helped you down to the beach. 

“Okay, let’s get the ones with the kids first, that way when they’ve had enough, we won’t have any meltdowns,” he laughed. 

You giggled and the kids stood in front of you and Harry and Hunter started snapping the camera. He then took some pictures of the kids kissing your belly and then some with Harry and then some individual ones. 

Once the kids were over it, you and Harry started taking pictures together and he kept making you laugh. 

“Stop it! I’m trying to look good in these photos, but I can’t do that if you’re making me laugh,” you giggled. 

He laughed. “You’re going to look, beautiful regardless baby,” he smiled. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you smiled leaning against him. 

His hands were on your belly and you both felt the babies kick. 

“Holy shit,” he laughed. 

“DADDY SAY NAUGHTY WORD!” Jackson shouted. 

“Sorry buddy,” he laughed. “But Jesus, these babies are trying to kick their way out of your belly.”

“You still have a few months to go, babies,” you giggled. 

“Maybe dey hungi?” Ella said. “Cause I hungi.” 

You all laughed. “Well, I think we could call it day,” you said. “What do you think, Hunter?” 

“I’ve got more than an enough to work with,” he laughed. 

“Then let’s grab some dinner,” Harry smiled. “There’s a great restaurant right up the beach there.” 

“Ooh, yummy!” Ella giggled. 

You all laughed and made your way back to the car before driving to the restaurant. You all get seated at a table and the kids sit next to Hunter. 

“So, I’ll probably upload the pictures tonight and then work on editing them for the next few days and then I can send them to you,” he said. 

“I can’t wait,” you smiled. 

You all order your dinner and then Harry’s phone rings. He grabbed it out of his pocket and look to see who it was. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said before excusing himself from the table. 

“You know Mom keeps pressuring me to have a baby shower,” you said to Hunter. 

“Why don’t you want one?” He asked. 

You shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just baby showers are usually for new parents to get everything that they need for their new baby, but Harry and I don’t need other people spending their money on us when we can afford everything ourselves,” you said. 

“That’s understandable, but you could still have a baby shower and just not ask for gifts,” he said. 

“I don’t know. I just feel like having a baby shower is more stress to add on,” you said. 

“You’re not the one who is supposed to plan it,” he pointed out. 

“Hunter, when have I never been involved with planning a party, especially for me,” you said. 

“Okay, that’s true, but maybe you should let someone else take the reins for a bit,” he said. 

“Eh,” you said. “I’ll think about it.” 

“Or we could all just do a surprise one and not tell you,” he smirked. 

“And cause me to go into an early labor, I don’t think so,” you laughed. 

A few minutes later, Harry came back to the table and sat down. 

“Everything okay?” You asked. 

“Yeah, great,” he smiled kissing your cheek. 

**

Later that night, the kids were bathed and tucked into bed. You and Harry had read them two bedtime stories before they finally fell asleep before heading into your bedroom. You were taking off your jewelry and getting undressed when you noticed Harry had been acting a little bit different since that phone call at dinner. 

You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his waist. “What’s wrong?” You asked. 

“Nothing, just tired,” he whispered. 

“Harry, don’t lie to me,” you said. 

He sighed grabbing your hands and turning around to sit both of you on the bed. “I’ve got an audition scheduled in a few weeks for a role in a huge movie,” he said. 

“Really? That’s amazing!” you gasped. 

“The only thing is, if I were to get the part, I would have start preparing for it only a few weeks after the twin are born and it’s all on location, which would mean I would be back in the UK,” he sighed. 

“Oh,” you whispered. “So, that’s why you’re acting weird.” 

He sighed. “This part could be huge for my career and you know that I’ve wanted to get into acting, but I can’t imagine leaving you with our newborn babies just weeks after they’re born. Plus, I don’t know if I could be away from you, Ella, and Jackson.” 

“Babe, this is a huge opportunity for you,” you smiled. “And yes, it’s not exactly at the best time, but is there ever really a perfect time for things? I think you should at least do the audition and then worry about the logistics of everything once you get offered the part. And once that happens, we’ll figure something out.” 

“Are you sure?” He sighed. “I don’t want you worrying about this and stressing you out.” 

“I’ll be fine,” you said. 

He sighed putting his forehead against yours. “You’re amazing, you know that?” 

“I’ve been told a time or two,” you giggled. 

He laughed,” I love you.” 

“And I love you,” you smiled. “Now, let’s get you in bed because starting tomorrow you’re going to have some lines to run.” 

He laughed before laying down next to you and you both fell asleep. 

*Super sorry if this update sucked! :(

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Good morning my lovely Tumblr family!! Here is episode 4 of Cuba v DR, episode 5 will be posted later by my lovely counterpart, @missjennifercole!! Thank you all for your kind words and feedback, your likes, your reblogs, they mean the absolute world to us. It always makes my day when you guys comment or like an episode :)

EPISODE 4

Knocking on the door, Rafael could feel his anxiety escalating as he waited for one of the girls to answer.

No one answers.

“It's fine, I have a key,” she pulled out her key, opening the door. “Katie? It's Auntie Kassidy!”

“Bathroom!” Katie shouted back.

Rafael moved through the apartment, finding Izzy and Katie, both sharing the toilet as they bent over it, each hugging the cistern bowl.

“Oh God, hermanita,” he cooed gently, moving to her side and feeling her sweaty forehead.

Izzy was burning up, face covered in sweat as she whimpered. “Rafi…” She panted before turning her fact to the toilet to throw up again.

“It's been an ugly 12 hours,” Katie groaned.

“Have you had 103 the entire 12 hours?” Rafael asked Izzy, looking between the two girls.

“No, her fever’s been rising.”

Kassidy knelt down, helping Izzy up and over to the bathtub before handing her a garbage can to get sick in.

“Hi again Izzy, I'm gonna cool your fever down, sweetheart.” She set Izzy, still clothed in the bathtub, running the lukewarm water and filling the tub. Kassidy got in as well, ignoring the dress that was getting ruined as she sat behind Izzy to make sure she didn't sink beneath the water. She stroked Izzy's hair softly. “You're okay honey,” she said softly. “Get it all out.”

“What can I do?” Rafael asked Kassidy, anxious to help anyway he could.

“Next door, the bodega should have a section for drinks. Can you grab a ton of Gatorade? We need to replenish the fluids in their bodies. Get that, some ginger ale, saltines and a few bags of ice. If you can.”

“Okay,” he replied, moving to leave and grabbing the foldable grocery cart that Katie had by her coat hanger.

He went down to the bodega and loaded everything Kassidy had told him to get into the cart before pulling it back upstairs to Katie’s apartment, and setting it down near the bathroom.

“What do you need first?” he asked. “Gatorade?”

“Yes please, Katie-Kat, how are you doing?”

“Not great Auntie Kas, but focus on Izzy, please.”

Rafael brought over two Gatorades, handing one to Kassidy and bringing the other to Katie, uncapping it for her. He waited until she took the drink before he pulled her hair away from her face as she bent over the toilet again.

“Have either of you been hallucinating? I read somewhere that a high fever between 103 and 106 can cause hallucinations,” Rafael said.

“Izzy's been in and out of consciousness, um I don't have a fever yet.” Katie answered softly.

“The pretty rainbows…” Izzy mumbled.

“Okay, I'm calling a doctor,” Rafael said, pulling out his phone and beginning to dial. “Pretty rainbows ni un carajo,” he mumbled to himself.

“Rafael, she's okay,” Kassidy said softly and felt Izzy's forehead. “Her fever’s already dropping, can you grab the ice and put some in a ziplock for her?” She stroked Izzy's hair.

“Yeah,” he said softly, sighing as he looked to Katie. “You going to be okay for a minute?” Katie nodded her head and Rafael moved into the kitchen, searching through the drawers and cupboards until he found ziplock bags. He filled two bags, and brought them unto the bathroom. “There's one for Katie, too. I'm gonna change the bedsheets for you guys, okay?”

“No I can do that,��� Katie stood, a little shaky on her feet as she propped herself against the sink as she made a gagging noise.

“Katherine, sit your ass down.” Kassidy snapped from the bathtub with Izzy. “Rafi, can you get us towels, her fever dropped a few points so now I'm gonna get her into bed.”

“Yeah, let me get the sheets changed before you put her in there, though,” he replied, opening the door to the hall closet and pulling out a couple of towels, bringing them to Kassidy.

He ask Katie where she kept her extra bedding and after grabbing fresh sheets, he made quick work of changing the bed. He then took out some dry clothes for Izzy and some for Katie as well.

Katie grabbed a ginger ale, leaning heavily on her side as she tried to fight her nausea.

“Rafi,” Izzy said softly from the bathtub. “Rafi, I don't feel good,” she whimpered.

“I know, hermanita, come on. You need me to carry you to bed?” he asked.

She nodded, whimpering. “Can Kassidy help me get changed first, Rafi you need to go away for a minute.”

“Yes, absolutely,” he replied, closing the door to the bathroom and waiting for Kassidy to help Izzy into the dry clothes he’d brought for her. “Katie, I think a shower will help you feel better,” he called out through the door.

After Izzy was dressed, Rafael scooped her up into his arms and carried her to bed, settling her in and stroking her hair.

“I'm gonna go make you guys some soup, okay?” he said softly, kissing her forehead. Her skin had cooled significantly, and she was shivering less than she had been when he and Kassidy got there.

Getting up he warmed up some chicken noodle soup for the two of them while Kassiy helped Katie showering and into some fresh clothes. Once the soup was ready, he searched in the kitchen until he found some mugs and poured them each some soup.

“Kass, make sure you grab their dirty clothes and the sheets, too. We'll wash them when we get home,” he said, bringing one mug to Izzy, and setting the other down for Katie on the nightstand.

Izzy sniffled, looking up with tears at her brother as she let out a broken whisper. “I want my mommy.”

“I know, mija, I'm sorry,” Rafael replied, leaning in to give her forehead another kiss. “You know, I didn't give birth to you, so I know it's not nearly the same, but I'm here for you.”

She nodded softly. “I love you Rafi,” she whispered and snuggled against the blankets.

“I love you, too.” Kassidy came in with Katie, and he moved away so that they could help Katie into bed, reaching for the mug he’d left on the night table. “Here, drink this,” he whispered to her. “You guys should get some rest, you should start to feel a little better,” he added.

He went to the bag of groceries he’d left out in the hall, and left a couple of Gatorades on the nightstand before putting the rest of the stuff away in the kitchen. Coming back into the bedroom, he snorted softly at Kassidy’s soaked dress.

“We should get you into some dry clothes,” he said softly.

“I'm focused on the girls,” she said with a shrug. She started to wipe off countertops and clean out puke-buckets, humming the same as always. “Poor kids,” she said softly.

“Well, I don't want you getting sick, too. I can run to your apartment and grab you some clothes,” he answered.

“Mami! Mami!” Lily giggled as you chased her around the next morning. You'd been doing much better since the session.

“Oh I'm gonna get you!” You growled playfully chasing after making her scream and laugh.

“Gon get you!” Lily repeated, hovering in a corner with her little shoulders pulled up to her ears as she anticipated your attack.

Eddie was in school, Nevada was at work, which had left you with Lily at home. It had been a great day; you’d even done some arts and crafts with her, making a finger painting for Nevada.

“Mami, hungy!” Lily mumbled after being tickled for the seventh time since you’d started chasing her.

“Me too,” you smiled and pretended to eat her toes. “What do you want for lunch mi amor? Do you want to go out? Stay in?”

“Dada work!” she replied excitedly.

You giggled, “how about I take us to dada’s restaurant? And then I can call him to meet us.”

“Yeah!”

You tickled her again and dialed Nevada.

“Hola Dama. Qué hacen?” he asked as he watched Sucio and Omar bring in the money from the last oxy run that they would have to divvy up, and then divide it amongst the whole chain of clubs. He shook his head softly, there was enough money here for two life times. He would have to come up with another investment soon.

“Dada! Lily hungy! Mama takes us to food at dada’s work! Yes?” She giggled as you tickled her and kissed her face. “Mami!!” She screamed giggling. “Tickles!!!”

He smiled into the phone, chuckling softly.

“You can't come here, princesa. Why don't you two meet me at the restaurant?” he answered.

“Yay!!! Daddy eats with Lily and Mami!!!” She screamed in excitement and dropped your phone on the tiled floor, breaking it.

“Lily!” You laugh as the phone cuts out.

“Sowwy mami! Dada go eat! We go now!” Lily exclaimed as she ran to get her shoes.

You laughed and loaded her into the car, driving to the restaurant. The second she saw Nevada out front she was screaming in excitement. “Dada!” She tugged at her seatbelt, the second you got her unbuckled she was running full force into Nevada.

“Oh mi princesa linda!” he said loudly, pulling her up into his arms and peppering her with kisses. He smiled at you as he walked up and gave you a kiss on the lips. “Bueno, where are we going to eat?” he asked you both.

“I just figured we'd eat at the restaurant. She loves the spaghetti,” you kiss him back smiling.

“Sghetti!!! Sghetti!!!” She bounced into his arms and smiled.

“Yeah, that's fine. I've been thinking about letting Omar run the restaurant...just not sure I wanna lose him at the club with me. What do you think?” he asked you as the three of you walked towards the restaurant.

“Well I miss him working with me all day,” you pout softly. “But yeah, he'd be good at the restaurant.” You smile and let Lily run ahead inside. “Lily wanna see tio Oscar!” She said with a squeal.

“It would only be temporary anyway. Soon as we have control over both sides of the Heights, I told OJ he could have this place,” he replied, grinning when he saw Oscar making scary faces at Lily, who was giggling uncontrollably. “Gonna have to start looking for another pothole for our income, too.”

The two of you sat down at a booth near the back before a waitress came over immediately, setting down a scotch for Nevada and a glass of wine for you.

“Esperate, baby, you want something else?” he asked, pointing to your glass of wine.

“A water would be great,” you smiled at him warmly, tucking against his side. “I love you, and I missed you today,” you mumbled softly to him as the waitress brought the water instead. You smiled at her and kissed Nevada's jaw while you watched your daughter.

She screamed and giggled watching Oscar make faces. “You silly, abuelo!!!” She giggled and pointed at him before flinging herself against him and hugging him tight.

“I love you, too,” Nevada replied, taking a minute to kiss your cheek. “I'm gonna go tell the kitchen to fix our lunch. Que quieres? The usual?” he asked.

You nodded and smiled and nodded as you went over behind Lily, picking her up and making her scream in delight. “Help Lily abuelo! Mama got! Mama got!” She giggled softly and hugged him to hide from you.

“Oh where did my little princess go. Mama’s hungry!” You growled and listened to her giggle.

“Otay,” Lily replied, stopping her squirming long enough for you to sit her in the booth. Nevada came back from inside the kitchen and sat of the other side of Lily as the waitress brought over an apple juice for the toddler.

“What have you ladies done today?” he asked, looking over you.

“Hmm, what did we do today munchkin? We watched ‘punzel, and then we did arts and crafts…”

“Lily made dada pictures!” She squealed. “And we play hides and seeks! And we dude the ear-runs!”

“Errands, baby,” you smiled and kissed her hair. “Lily helped me pick out dinner, and we got all the stuff the house needed and then we even did some finger painting,” you smiled and tickled the toddler's tummy making her squeal.

You looked much better today, much happier and in control.

“Good,” Nevada mused, noting how much more like yourself you seemed. It was a relief to say the least, he’d been worried about you lately, especially with the whole another baby conversation. “Sounds like you girls have had a busy day,” he added as the food came.

“Sghetti!!” Lily cheered.

“Use your fork,” Nevada said when Lily went to grab a handful of noodles with her hand.

“Otay, dada, cabaho,” Lily replied.

He chuckled softly, shaking his head.

“Here,” you stick Lily's fingers in your mouth a second, taking off the excess sauce while she giggled. “Yeah, laugh it up, but if I didn't do that, the sauce would be all over your new shirt.”

She giggled again, using her fork for a few moments before going back to her hands screaming in delight, “messy baby!” She giggled. “Mama will you feed me like a bird?”

You smiled, you'd been doing this to get her to eat lately.

“Alright then,” you get a forkful for her and hold it out, then closing your eyes.

“Dada can't look!” She announced loudly.

You smiled, “Nevada, we have to close our eyes and see if a little birdie eats her food.”

“Ah okay,” Nevada replied, closing his eyes.

Lily bites the fork and you open your eyes a few seconds after. “The food is gone! Lily! Did you see the little birdie?”

The toddler was in a fit of giggles shaking her head, mouth still full of noodles.

Nevada chuckled and continued to eat his food, looking over every now and then to see you playing birdie with Lily.

“Have you heard from your brother lately?” he asked, cutting up another piece of steak.

You nodded, “yeah he texted the other day, but he's been busy I think. Mami offered to watch Lily when I have appointments with Dr. Lindstrom and I worked it out with Sawyer so I can work from home for a while, so I can keep an eye on Eddie,” you made a face.

“That's good...right?”

You nodded softly, “yeah, it's actually really good. And I feel really good today,” you whispered to him softly, smiling at him.

He leaned over Lily's head to kiss your lips, only to have spaghetti smeared on your chin.

“No, Mami! No! My dada! Mine!” Lily scolded, pointing her little finger at you.

“Oye, Mami,” you tease, “escuche, I was kissing papi before you were even a thought.” You chuckled and ruffled her hair. “But fine, your dada.”

You shoot him a smirk mouthing, ‘later.’

After lunch, you and Lily walked with Nevada back to the club where he kissed first Lily, then you, or tried to. After three times of Lily pushing your face away, Nevada put her into her carseat before he kissed your lips.

“It's probably just a phase,” he mumbled to you as Lily screamed and struggled in the car seat.

“She's a daddy's girl, I don't take it personally,” you smile to him. “I love you, mi vida,” you whispered softly. “And I wanna spend some Mami y papi time together when you get home.”

He grinned down at you and gave you another deep kiss, much to Lily’s chagrin, before he said goodbye to you and went back inside. He went into the backroom to ask Chibby and Sawyer to look for more available business over on St. Nicholas that he could buy, and then went into his office to finalize the dancers’ schedules for the rest of the week. A knock at his door brought his attention up as Melody opened the door.

“Your daughter is so cute!” she cooed softly, smiling at him. “What's her name?” she asked sweetly.

“Yeah she's my princesa. Her name is Lily.” He nodded to her hair. “No more unapproved changes, entiendes mami? But this looks good on you, so I'll permit it.”

“Promise, I just saw it on your wife, and I loved it and I've kind of always wanted to be a blonde...it was pretty spontaneous actually,” she replied, smiling at him. “Lily, that is such a pretty name. She looks like you.”

“Yeah?” He chuckled, “I think she looks just like Dama.”

He looked down at the schedule, “Mami, was this the week you needed the extra day? Just show me which day and I'll add you on.”

“Sure,” she replied, walking towards him as he moved his chair back a bit. Standing between his knees, she bent over and pointed to the day she wanted. “This one,” she whispered, hand moving to his shoulder to pull him gently closer to the desk. “Right there,” she said softly, looking down him and casually turning her hips to face him.

“I'll add you on now then,” he said with a smirk, pushing back so she had the room to get out. “Dale Mami, I can't have my best dancer entertaining me all day.”

“But I like entertaining you,” she replied letting a finger trail down his chest suggestively. “And I kinda miss sucking on your big cock, papi,” she added, biting her bottom lip.

He smirked but shook his head, “dale Mami, go be that bad girl on stage,” he purred.

“Don’t I get my kiss?” She pouted at him.

“Sorry Mami, Dama set new rules. No kissing. My hands are tied here, not in the fun way either,” he smirked.

She slid her small hands over his powerful thighs, leaning in close until their faces were inches away.

“Do you always do what your wife tells you to?” she asked softly, smiling softly at him.

“I do if I wanna get laid,” he stood, putting a hand on her lower back as he led her out front again. “Go show those other girls why you're the best, Mami.” He whispered into her ear.

She stuck out her bottom expectantly, smiling at him over her shoulder and batting he long lashes.

He sighed knowing she'd never give up. Leaning in he pressed his lips to hers softly before smacking her ass, “dale.”

She hummed happily and strutted backstage, biting her bottom lip.

“Dead man fuckin’ walking.” Amber's voice had him rolling his eyes and he turned to look at her.

“What are you running your mouth about now, blanca?” he asked.

“Just when I start to think you don't suck. But whatever, you'll shoot yourself in the foot eventually, I don't have to bother.” She tugged her hair into a ponytail. “I'm here to see Omar, but it's always nice to see a slow motion Trainwreck.”

“Omar's busy. Working. Why don't you let him do that?” he replied.

“Because if I let you run things your way, he'd never get a break. So he's getting a break now. Why don't you get back to finger-fucking sluts.”

“Oye, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, and you don't fucking work here. Why don't you run along, the faster Omar finishes his run, the faster he’ll be home to babysit you,” he replied, putting his hand on his hips.

“If Diamond wasn't here, I would burn this place to the ground with you inside and save Barbie the heartache.” She reached out and flicked him in the forehead.

“Coño, some friend you are that you’d burn the club that's making her scholarship fund possible down, and kill the father her child, too. Don't worry, I won't tell her. And if you touch me again, I'll break your fucking hand, me entiendes?” he replied. “Omar's out making some runs, so fuck off.”

“Break my hand,” she flicked him again. “Go ahead.”

He almost did, clenching his jaw in anger, but instead he simply grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her kicking a screaming out of the club and onto the sidewalk.

“You wanna be a bitch to me, that's fine, but you ain't doing it in my own fucking business, blanca,” he growled.

Amber pulled out her notepad just as a bachelor party walked up. Jotting notes down. “Alright Mr. Ramirez, I'm gonna have to give you a formal complaint. Until the crabs outbreak is under control, all your infected dancers are going to need to be quarantined. And you should probably disinfect your seats.”

She watched the men turn and hurry back to their cars. “See you later papi,” she winked at Nevada.

“That’s money you just took outta Dama’s pocket. That I will for sure be telling her. Immature fucking puta mierda. Why don't you stay the fuck away from my brother, too?!” he called out after her, going back inside. “Fucking gringa mierda,” he muttered under his breath.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2103

i was so freakin tired last night and there were so many spelling errors my post and i'm sorry. not my best work.

anyway, today was decent. work was fine, we had a physics meeting and i got to talk to my classmates and professor for about an hour, i had a therapy appointment and she's proud of me for controlling my reactions to things that make my anxiety spike instantaneously, and i accomplished the tasks i set for myself for the day ahead of schedule!

now. animal crossing.

i got to adjust some things on my island. and i sold 3,000 turnips for 1,518,000 bells. i paid off my upstairs floor in a single payment with more than 300k to spare. i created a pretty plot of land for my house to be. i changed up some of the elevation and made lines straighter. i planted flowers by my new neighborhood and i put in fences too. i want to create a pattern for the trees i'll have, and i want to figure out if i'm going to keep them or get rid of them, but that'll take another week because i need to move buildings first before doing anything else. and while i could time travel, that would suck. i don't wanna do that. why spend all that time changing the day over and over again and use up so much time all at once instead of living with it for a day because you only get to play for so long? there's no reason for me to do that. so i'm good.

one last thing. i didn't actually talk to my joel today. :c i was hyper focused on getting chapter 24 done for physics that i didn't take much time for anything else today. but it paid off, because i finished chapter 24, the lecture notes, the homework, and the quiz. so i'm proud of myself. but i do miss my joel. thankfully i'll get to see him tomorrow though, i hope. that's where i gotta consider things. do i go over after showering and spend the day at the table, working on physics, or do i stay home and work on physics and go over after, probably around 10pm? or do i split my time around 3pm like i did today and go up then? i'm not sure. i'll text lisa and joel tomorrow and see what they individually want. especially since tomorrow is tuesday and tuesday is date night and i miss my joel and i want to hang out with him without being stressed about homework. so if i can get chapter 25 done tomorrow by 7pm, i'll go over and stay the night and work from there in the morning. probably. i'll figure it out later. it's time to ignore my hungy tummy and go to sleep.

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Hey Angel Chapter 71

A few days have passed and things were getting better between you and Harry, which you both were grateful for. You had woken up to pee for what seemed like the 100th time that morning and now that the sun was out, there was no way you were going to be able to go back to sleep. 

You sighed deciding to take a quick shower. After you got out, you were drying off when you noticed yourself in the mirror. It’s not like that was the first time you had seen yourself in the mirror since being pregnant that time around, but there something that you noticed. 

Stretch marks were all over your belly. Your boobs were even bigger than they always were, but not in a “sexy” way, you thought. You no longer had the bruises or scarred cuts that you had after the accident, which made you feel a little bit better. 

As you looked at yourself in the mirror, tears started to fall down your face. Being pregnant with twins definitely took its toll on your body. What if Harry walked in and saw you like this? 

It wasn’t that he was shallow, but you were sure that he wouldn’t want to touch you at through the rest of the pregnancy. I mean how could he, when you looked like that that. 

You heard stirring around in the bedroom, so you quickly grabbed your robe from the back of the door, but cursed when it wouldn't close probably around your belly. Harry’s robe was on the hook next to yours, so you quickly grabbed it and put it on. 

You opened the door and saw Harry sitting up on the bed. 

“Hey, you okay?” He asked. “I was about to check on you, you’d been in there so long.” 

“Oh, yeah, I��m fine,” you said. 

“Is that my robe?” he smirked. 

“Yeah...” you blushed. 

“Damn, it looks better on you than me,” he smirked walking over to you. 

“Uh, thanks,” you said. 

“I just checked on the kids and they’re still sleeping,” he whispered putting his hands on your hips. “Maybe we could have some Mummy, Daddy time under the blankets?” he smirked. 

“Um, maybe later,” you said moving out of his grasp and over to the closet. 

Harry looked behind you confused but didn’t press the issue. “Okay, that’s okay. I can go put on start some breakfast,” he said. 

“Sounds good,” you said. 

Harry looked at you for a moment before walking downstairs. 

**

Once you got dressed, you walked into Ella’s room to check on her. She was laying on the bed with Jackson and they were whispering and giggling about something. You smiled as you remember how they use to do that when you all were on tour. Part of you missed being on tour, but you were mostly happy to be home and in one place. 

“Mummy!” Jackson smiled poking his head up. 

“Morning, baby,” you smiled. 

“How the babies?” He asked walking over and putting his hand on your belly. 

“They’re playing,” you smiled. 

“They can play in your tummy?” He gasped. 

“Yep. They like to move around and kick,” you giggled. 

“Oh, silly babies,” he giggled 

You laughed. “They’re very silly, they take after Daddy.” 

“Just like Daddy!” he giggled. “Right Ella?” 

“Wight!” she giggled. “I hungi Mommy.” 

“Well, Daddy is making some breakfast, so let’s go see if it’s ready,” you said. 

“Kay!” she giggled. 

All three of you head downstairs into the kitchen. 

“DADDY!” The kids screeched happily before wrapping their arms around his legs. 

He laughed. “Morning babies,” he said. 

“Morna!” They smiled. 

“I hungi,” Ella said looking up at him. 

“Good thing I’ve made your favorite for breakfast,” he smiled. 

“Yummy!” She giggled. 

“Let’s let go of Daddy and sit at the table,” you laughed. 

They both let go and ran straight to their chairs. 

“Need any help?” You asked. 

“Um, if you just want to get the kids some juice,” he smiled. 

You nodded and grabbed their cups from the cabinet. You grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and pour some into their cups before bringing them to the table. 

“Tanks Mummy!” Jackson smiled. 

“You’re welcome,” you said kissing his head. 

Harry brought over the food and put it on the kid’s plates. They giggled and quickly started eating. You laughed shaking your head and put a bit of food on your plate. 

You picked at your food as you ate and Harry started to get a bit worried. 

“You okay, love?” He asked putting his hand over yours. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you said with a forced smile. 

He squeezed your hand and went back to eat his breakfast. 

**

For the rest of the day, all of you spent time together. Harry chased the kids around the backyard and had a huge tea party with Ella and her dolls, while you and Jackson worked on some coloring. Harry decided to order in for dinner so that you all could make a little fort in the living room. 

You all sat in it, eating dinner, and watching kid’s movies on Netflix. The kids fell asleep in the fort and Harry kissed their heads.

“I would love to join them on this floor, but this isn’t the best place for either of us to be sleeping,” he said. 

“True. My back is already killing me,” you groaned. 

“Well, let’s get you up to bed, then,” he smiled. 

“Do you think they’ll be okay down here?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’ll check on them later.” 

You nodded and got up from the floor and made your way up to the bedroom. You sighed trying to stretch your back the best you could. 

“Hey, why don’t you sit on the bed and I’ll rub your back for you,” he said. 

“Are you sure?” You asked. 

“Of course, now sit,” he said. 

“So, bossy,” you giggled. 

He smirked and went over to the bedside table. He took out the massage oil and sat behind you on the bed. 

“Wanna take off your shirt?” he asked. 

“Oh, uh, no that’s okay,” you said. 

“Baby, it’ll feel better if I can put this stuff on you and I can’t do that with your shirt on,” he said. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine without it,” you said. 

“Is something going on here?” He asked. 

“What are you talking about?” You asked. 

“All day you’ve been acting weird. It’s like you don’t want me to see you naked or something,” he stated. 

You looked down silently. 

“Is that what’s going on?” He asked. 

You started to sniffle as tears formed in your eyes. You didn’t even know why you were crying other than from the hormones. 

“I’m fat and ugly. I have stretch marks everywhere, my boobs are huge and look weird. Being pregnant with twins is making me look so gross,” you cried. 

Harry looked at you sympathetically. “Baby,” he sighed opening his arms. 

You cried into his chest as he ran his hand soothingly over your back. “You don’t look gross,” he whispered. 

“You’re just saying that,” you mumbled. “You don’t mean it.” 

“You look beautiful,” he said looking down at you. “Yes, your body has changed and is changing, but it doesn't mean you’re ugly or gross. Let me show you,” he smiled. 

He took off your shirt and looked down at you. “These stretch marks symbolize how your body started growing as our little ones that we made together grow. And I don’t care how big or small your boobs are, but they’ll never be weird to me. I always love them and take my time on them,” he smirked kissing the bits of your chest hanging out of your bra. “Plus, I know that they’re getting prepared to feed our precious babies once they’re born. You look beautiful because when I look at you, I see the love of my life carrying our babies. The fact that you’re taking care of them and will soon bring them into the world, I just love you even more than I already do for that.” 

“When I look at you, I see the most beautiful, sexy, and gorgeous woman ever and then I hope that our babies look just like you. When I look at you, I can’t believe that I’ve found the person I love enough to bring new life to this world,” he whispered. “When I look at you, I feel like a horny teenager with the way you make me feel,” he smirked. “And all I can think about is how much I want and need you.” 

You blushed looking down at him. “You really mean all of that?” You whispered. 

“I do,” he smiled moving hair from your face. 

You smiled widely and sat down on his lap. “I love you,” you whispered. 

“And I love you, more than anything,” he smiled. “You and your pregnant belly.” 

You giggled. “So... since my back is feeling a lot better now... and it is later... perhaps we could take up your offer from this morning?” 

He smirked. “Only if you’re on top, I want to be able to really look at you all night,” he whispered. 

“Well, seeing as how that’s one of our only options while I’m carrying this extra weight of babies, I think I can arrange that,” you giggled. 

“Then come here,” he smirked pulling you in for a kiss. 

**

A couple hours later, the two of you laid next to one another. Harry had his hands on your belly and you giggled. 

“Just so you know, you won’t be getting much sleep anymore,” you said. 

“And why is that?” He laughed. 

“Because that was fucking... wow,” you said. “I remember when I was pregnant with Ella, I read all those pregnancy books and I remember it saying something about sex being better while you were pregnant and I obviously wasn’t able to test that out during that pregnancy, but it’s definitely true,”  you giggled. 

He smirked. “I’ll do anything to make my girl happy,” he said. 

“Good,” you smiled laying your head on his shoulder. “I love you,” you whispered. 

“And I love you,” he whispered. “And our babies,” he said leaning down to kiss your belly before the two of you fall asleep. 

[foggythefandomgremlin]

SILLY /VPOS

.imagining pearl like this at times