#.about like... people being dissatisfied with the mc's interactions with him. or thinking that he's boring

[frznwarmth]

something i think Zayne enjoys a lot is like... doing work ( working on something ) alongside someone he's close to, leaning towards a more... passive type of quality time than an active one. he can be involved in whatever said person is doing and will be if they want him to--genuinely, at that. however, he also sees value in doing separate things but... still spending time together.

one of his quotes, iirc, is something to the effect of "you don't always have to always be joined at the hip to enjoy each other". so... quietly enjoying a hobby while his partner is also enjoying some other hobby is 100% fine with him. He can be curious about what they're doing and will probably be just as interested in learning about... whatever is captivating them. but he also offers the opportunity to just exist together and allow the other person to get into the groove of something without interruption from him. and if they, all of a sudden, want to talk to him about said hobby, Zayne will stop what he's doing ( not without finishing up, if he's actually working , i'd imagine, so he can properly shift gears ) and listen.

i think that's very... i dunno--important, i guess, to talk about. because he will not always be visibly focused on his partner but that, by no means, implies that he does not care about being close to them. it, additionally, does not mean that he doesn't care about them or isn't thinking about them. he is. but he also has other priorities that, amazingly, he's able to juggle while still being invested in someone. he has small mundane ways that he shows that he cares about someone and is always concerned for their safety.

[tiramisiyu]

【未定事件簿】 Tears of Themis: Main Story 7-5 Translation

Translation Masterlist | Video

Chapter 7 – Rains of Monte Cristo: 7-1 / 7-3 / 7-5 / 7-7 / 7-9 / 7-11 / 7-13 / 7-15 / 7-17 / 7-19  ♦️ ♦️  7-20 / 7-22 / 7-24 / 7-26 / 7-28 / 7-30 / 7-32 / 7-34 / 7-35

In Lu Jinghe’s Car

After finishing on the discussion at the NXX base, we started on our individual plans.

Since Lu Jinghe had already made an appointment to see Xu Yin, I went with him, and we drove straight to the meeting location.

MC: Right, Lu Jinghe, how did you know Xu Yin was looking for me?

Lu Jinghe: Ran into her by chance yesterday.

--

[Flashback]

Pax CEO Office

Lu Jinghe: Xu Yin’s assistant? Are you sure you’re not mistaken?

Wen Chen: I’m sure. Though he disguised himself and even deliberately lowered his voice after he ran into me…

Wen Chen: But when we cooperated with Xingrui Estates before, I interacted with him, so there’s no way I could be mistaken.

Wen Chen: I saw that his condition and actions looked somewhat strange, so after I handed the documents to Lawyer Zhai, I asked the receptionist.

Wen Chen: The receptionist said that he came to look for Miss MC, but as she was out on fieldwork and thus wasn’t at the firm, they didn’t meet.

Wen Chen: The receptionist then asked him what the matter was and if he wanted to make an appointment, but he only said that he wanted to commission her for a case. After this, he left in a rush.

Wen Chen: Although, when he ran into me, he accidentally revealed a document. I saw Wang Chunchong’s name on it.

Wen Chen: He might have wanted to commission for that Yaofu Community murder case.

Lu Jinghe: Wang Chunchong? Haha.

Lu Jinghe: We just found out that Qin Shan and Wang Chunchong have had interactions…

Lu Jinghe: Right after, Qin Shan’s ex-wife Xu Yin wants to secretly commission my lawyer to take Wang Chunchong’s case.

Lu Jinghe: Really, what a coincidence.

Wen Chen: Second young master, are you suspecting that Xu Yin has a hidden agenda in seeking out Miss MC?

Lu Jinghe: If it were a normal commission, why would she need to be this fearful of being found out?

Wen Chen: Then could it have to do with the Xingrui general manager dispute we found out about before?

Lu Jinghe: That’s possible. The old head of the Wang family wants to chase Wang Chunchong out of the family, and the Xu family has now forbidden their family from interacting with the Wang family…

Lu Jinghe: If Xu Yin still wants Wang Chunchong’s support, she can only be secretive in her search for lawyers.

Lu Jinghe: Although… could this have to do with Heirson, or Qin Shan?

Lu Jinghe: Or… could Xu Yin know about something relating to the investigation team’s matters?

Lu Jinghe went silent for a moment.

Lu Jinghe: Wen Chen, did you record the person who ran into you?

Wen Chen: Yes. I thought that he was a bit strange back then, so I took some photos.

Lu Jinghe: Perfect. Take these photos and make an appointment with Xu Yin for me.

Lu Jinghe: Say that I can help her get the person she wants, and that I’d like to invite her to chat with me.

Lu Jinghe: In addition, expand the range of Qin Shan’s whereabouts investigation.

Lu Jinghe: Include the Xu family and Wang family, investigate deeper, and report any updates to me as quickly as possible.

Wen Chen: Understood.

[Flashback end]

--

MC: So that’s how it was…

Lu Jinghe: Yeah. Then I called you and gave you a simple overview.

MC: Although, you didn’t explain in the call about why you were this concerned about something being up with Xu Yin.

MC: Also, based on the information that Wen Chen reported to you, it seems like there’s also a relation between Xu Yin and Wang Chunchong?

Lu Jinghe: To understand this, you first have to understand the relationship between their two families.

Lu Jinghe: Xu Yin’s Xu family’s main business is Xingrui Estates, as well as various subdivisions under that name.

Lu Jinghe: The current head of Xingrui is Xu Yin’s father. Xu Yin, her older brother, and her older sister manage several subdivisions respectively.

MC: But I remember that in the past while, the Xu family’s eldest son, Xu Yuan, was caught due to illegal occupation of territory?

Lu Jinghe: Yes, but do you know how this matter was exposed?

MC: Could it have had to do with Xu Yin?

Lu Jinghe: It’s hard to say whether there’s a direct connection, but Xu Yin is highly suspected.

Lu Jinghe: When this news got out, there had just been an announcement from inside Xingrui that Xu Yin’s father was preparing to select an heir from his children.

Lu Jinghe: Back then, the members of the Board of Directors all supported Xu Yuan, Xu Yin’s older brother, to take over as the general manager, but he ended up as a detainee.

Lu Jinghe: With the eldest son no longer an option, the selection for general manager would naturally be between Xu Yin and her older sister.

MC: Then was Xu Yin’s older sister not a possibility? Or anyone like other commercial rivals?

Lu Jinghe: First, this news was exposed too quickly, and there was conclusive evidence that it wasn’t something that an outsider could do.

Lu Jinghe: Second, after Xu Yuan was caught, Xu Yin’s father’s attitude towards her did a 180-degree flip.

Lu Jinghe: Supposedly, he was very irritated with this daughter, and believed that she damaged Xingrui’s profits and future.

Lu Jinghe: For these few years, Xingrui has been aiming for incorporation, and outside evaluation towards it has always been excellent.

Lu Jinghe: The Xu Yuan issue dealt a severe blow to the reputation Xingrui had accumulated, leaving partners dissatisfied.

Lu Jinghe: This way, it seems like there’s significant meaning behind the irritation that Xu Yin’s father holds against her.

Lu Jinghe: And it’s because of the Xu father’s change in attitude that Xu Yin’s recently been described as “facing enemies both in front and behind”.

Lu Jinghe: Many people are watching her, including her older sister.

MC: But what does this have to do with Wang Chunchong?

Lu Jinghe: The Wang and Xu families are longtime friends. The year Xingrui was established, the Wang family, who already had small achievements within the pharmaceuticals field, invested a sum of money.

Lu Jinghe: This sum of money became 5% of their share capital, as well as a position on Xingrui’s Board of Directors, and was transferred into Wang Chunchong’s possession.

Lu Jinghe: With these two points, great lawyer, what sort of relation do you think exists between Xu Yin and Wang Chunchong?

 START ANALYSIS

⊳ Share capital owned by Wang Chunchong: Because the Wang family invested in Xingrui early on, Wang Chunchong currently has 5% of share capital in Xingrui and a position in the Board of Directors.

⊳ Xingrui general manager dispute: Xu Yin’s father has three children. Xu Yuan, who previously had the most influence, was arrested, and the options for general manager are Xu Yin and her older sister.

MC: Typically, the appointment of the general manager is closely related to the Board of Directors.

MC: If the Xu Yuan issue theoretically does have to do with Xu Yin, then it’s very likely that Xu Yin wants to get the general manager position.

MC: And Wang Chunchong is a member of the board…

MC: Could they be allied?

Lu Jinghe: Smart.

Lu Jinghe: I’ve had Wen Chen look into this before. Based on Xingrui’s business regulations…

Lu Jinghe: The appointment of the general manager requires over half of all share capital owners within the board to approve.

Lu Jinghe: To pull board members to their side, Xu Yin and her older sister did all within their ability, and before Wang Chunchong was taken in…

Lu Jinghe: Xu Yin surpassed her sister with what was precisely this 5% share capital.

END ANALYSIS

 MC: But Wang Chunchong has now been arrested due to murder, and the share capital he owns…

Lu Jinghe: The share capital that Wang Chunchong owns was originally given to him by his grandfather.

Lu Jinghe: Now that the old man knows what he’s done, he’s so furious that he’s about to take them back, and he’s forbidden the Wang family from helping him.

Lu Jinghe: Old man Wang does not stand on Xu Yin’s side.

MC: And that’s why Xu Yin would look for a lawyer to defend Wang Chunchong, to protect the share capital he owns.

Lu Jinghe: Should be that, yes.

MC: But now there’s a new question – why would she look for me, and act so… secretively?

Lu Jinghe: One possible reason is like I’ve said before – Wang Chunchong has already been abandoned by the Wang Family.

Lu Jinghe: And the Xu father has forbidden Xu family members from having any connection with the Wang family.

Lu Jinghe: Xu Yin might be afraid that someone might take this as leverage against her, and thus would act sneakily.

Lu Jinghe: As for why she’s looking for you…

Lu Jinghe: I’m afraid that in her original plan, she wanted to find a “young, support-generating” lawyer.

Lu Jinghe: A young one can be controlled by her and will listen to her instructions.

Lu Jinghe: One that can generate support will attract discussion, then shift the bad public opinion regarding Wang Chunchong and retake the share capital.

MC: What support can I generate?

Lu Jinghe: You were the one in charge of my wrongful accusation case before, so you naturally can incite conversation.

MC: …

Lu Jinghe: Aside from that, this person can’t be too formidable or have too much background. In that case…

Lu Jinghe: Aren’t you quite suitable?

MC: So to her, I’m just a toolperson, right?

Lu Jinghe: …

MC: But you just said “one possible reason”… so there’s another possibility?

Lu Jinghe: The other possibility is just me being worried. There’s no evidence to support it.

MC: You’re worried that Xu Yin has noticed the investigation team, and thus intentionally sought me out?

Lu Jinghe: Yes. After all, Xu Yin has an extraordinary identity, and with the Rainbow River Laboratory’s sudden situation earlier…

Lu Jinghe: The investigation is no longer completely hidden in the “dark”. We have to be aware of all possible factors.

MC: Sounds reasonable.

Lu Jinghe: Although, no need to worry too much. We’ll have to see Xu Yin’s reactions to know what reason she came for.

Lu Jinghe: When we see her in a while, you focus on the case. I’ll deal with the connections between her, Heirson, as well as Qin Shan.

MC: Sure.

Lu Jinghe: Alright, we talked for a long while, so take a nap for a bit.

Lu Jinghe: We’re still a while away from the appointment location with Xu Yin. Replenish your energy – we’ve got a tough battle ahead of us, after all.

--

Restaurant

The place where Lu Jinghe and Xu Yin had agreed to meet at was a high-end, suburban restaurant.

When we arrived, Xu Yin was the only patron in the entire dining area.

Seeing Lu Jinghe and I enter, she immediately got up and greeted us.

Xu Yin: CEO Lu, you’ve come.

Lu Jinghe: The roads were a little congested and we got held up. Thank you for waiting, Director Xu.

Xu Yin: You’re welcome, CEO Lu. Then this one…

Xu Yin turned her gaze towards me.

Xu Yin: This lady must be Themis Law Firm’s Lawyer MC.

MC: Hello, I’m MC.

Xu Yin: Hello, please take a seat.

We’d just taken a seat across from Xu Yin when she spoke first, before Lu Jinghe could say anything.

Xu Yin: I’ve heard for a long while that Miss MC’s ability is outstanding – a rising star within Stellis’ legal world.

Xu Yin: Last time I had someone look for you at the law firm, but you just happened to be out of office.

Xu Yin: With our meeting today, I can see that you’re as extraordinary as expected.

MC: (A direct acknowledgement?)

Under the table, Lu Jinghe gently tapped on the back of my hand, hinting at me to continue the conversation Xu Yin started.

MC: Thank you for your acknowledgement, Madam Xu. I know of what happened that day.

MC: Although the receptionist said that the person who came for me left in a rush, and he looked worried…

MC: Did something happen?

Xu Yin: This…

Xu Yin sighed.

Lu Jinghe: Did Director Xu encounter some sort of issue? There’s no harm in saying it – perhaps we’ll be able to help somewhere.

Xu Yin: Speaking of which, I should thank you, CEO Lu.

Xu Yin: My work has been busy recently, and I haven’t had the time to personally see Miss Lawyer, and an issue even cropped up when my assistant acted on my behalf.

Xu Yin: It’s thanks to you setting this up today that I had the chance to meet MC.

Lu Jinghe: It’s not a problem, Director Xu, merely the effort of lifting a finger.

Lu Jinghe: I don’t really have any other hobbies – I simply like helping others deal with issues.

Xu Yin: …

Lu Jinghe: …

Lu Jinghe and Xu Yin sunk into a strange silence for a moment.

MC: Madam Xu, you sought me out to…

Xu Yin: Ah… I wanted to commission you to defend someone.

Xu Yin: Here are the case files that the lawyers I previous commissioned made. You can take a look first.

Xu Yin turned on her portable tablet, indicating for Lu Jinghe and me to accept document sharing.

I opened the document, and what greeted my eyes was the documented suspect…

Lu Jinghe and I exchanged a silent glance.

It was indeed Wang Chunchong.

Xu Yin: This person is named Wang Chunchong, the second son of Wang Pharmaceuticals. CEO Lu, you probably recognize him.

Xu Yin: Not long ago, he was identified by the police as the suspect of a murder case, but Chunchong insisted that he did not kill anyone…

Xu Yin: So I’d like to commission you to become his defense lawyer and find the truth for him.

MC: The case that Mr. Wang was involved in was…

Xu Yin: It’s the one that’s had lots of intense discussion online recently, the murder of the couple in Yaofu Community.

Xu Yin: The exact case details are indicated in the files I just sent you.

I nodded, then scanned through the case files I’d received.

Taking advantage of the interval as I read the files, Lu Jinghe and Xu Yin engaged in small talk again.

Lu Jinghe: It looks like the relation between Director Xu and Wang Chunchong is quite decent.

Xu Yin: CEO Lu, you also know that our Xu family and the Wang family are quite friendly to begin with. Chunchong’s mother is also a close friend of mine.

Xu Yin: With this, Chunchong is half like my own child.

Lu Jinghe: Is that so… then,, Director Xu, did you help Wang Chunchong find other lawyers before?

Xu Yin: I did, but…

Xu Yin: After those lawyers saw the police investigation report, they either tried to convince me to give up, or they wanted Chunchong to plead guilty immediately and aim for a lessened sentence.

Xu Yin: But Chunchong told me the whole time that he didn’t kill anyone, and I doubt that a child as kind as him would kill.

Xu Yin: Miss Lawyer, I saw the reports on the several cases you oversaw before. I feel that you are the only one capable of saving Chunchong.

Xu Yin: Please consider it.

Xu Yin’s burning gaze focused on me.

But compared to her modest demeanor, her words were not the slightest bit “courteous”.

MC: (She deliberately appeared weak first, then followed up by praising me…)

MC: (Xu Yin’s made it clear that she won’t let me refuse.)

As I pondered rapidly, Lu Jinghe silently took my hand under the table.

His fingertip brushed on my palm, feeling intriguingly tingly.

MC: …

But I soon realized that Lu Jinghe was writing something.

MC: (Be… careful…)

MC: …

I held his hand back, then patted the back of his hand, hinting at him to not worry.

MC: Madam Xu, thank you for your acknowledgement towards me.

MC: But I am merely an ordinary lawyer, and I don’t deserve so much praise from you.

Xu Yin: Miss Lawyer, there is no need for such modesty. I believe in your ability.

Xu Yin: I truly hope that you can accept Chunchong’s case and return innocence to him.

MC: But…

Lu Jinghe: Director Xu, don’t rush to talk about the commission just yet.

Lu Jinghe suddenly spoke.

Xu Yin: CEO Lu… is something the matter?

Lu Jinghe: Yes. I have a question to ask Director Xu.

Xu Yin: CEO Lu, please feel free.

Lu Jinghe: Director Xu, aren’t you tired from acting for so long?

[alwaysmychoices]

Blind Date

Synopsis: Charlie Greene is finally ready to move on from Ethan Ramsey, and the first step? A blind date with someone else. When Ethan found out, he went out drinking to forget his jealousy, and in downtown Boston, all it took was a call for them to find each other again... 

Chapter 7 of the “with and without” series

Previous Series: “a weekend with dr. ramsey”

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlotte “Charlie” Greene)

Words: 7k+ (sorry it’s so long, but it’s good!)

Tag List included at the end - if you want to be added or removed, let me know!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Charlie’s pager reverberated in her small locker, dancing as it vibrated against the metal. Charlie jumped, staring at the small device with dread, and she scrambled to reach it. Her stomach sank as her fears were confirmed.

She was needed in the diagnostic unit ASAP.

Charlie read the rolling alert again and again, waiting for it to change.

This couldn’t be.

She’d followed the plan perfectly. It was 7:45, over half an hour after she was supposed to clock out. She’d taken every necessary precaution to avoid suspicion and quietly leave work without anyone realizing where she was going. She’d checked with every patient, every attending she’d reported to today, and even the diagnostic unit itself to make sure there was nothing left for her to do.

At 7:30, she’d gone into the locker room and waited to change until the crowd emptied out. She sent her work clothes home with Sienna, and all she had to do now was covertly walk out of the hospital, call an Uber, and make it downtown before 8:30. If everything went according to plan, no one would know that she was going on a date, especially not Ethan Ramsey.

With slow horror, Charlie turned to face her reflection in the nearest mirror.

Charlie had changed from her frumpy scrubs to the tight, black dress Kyra gifted her for the occasion. It wasn’t the type of dress that Charlie usually wore, which was precisely why Kyra bought it for her. The tight, structured fabric left little to the imagination, especially with the high slit on her right thigh. It was bold and daring, and Kyra hoped that the dress’s power would encourage Charlie to be just as confident.

But now it just made Charlie squirm.

She’d already finished her grand yet quick makeover. Her day-old curls were now teased into a purposeful, sexy ponytail. With a few dabs of concealer and a layer of red lipstick, she’d erased the anxious, sleepless nights she’d wasted worrying about tonight.

She looked good. Suspiciously good. The kind of good that meant she obviously had plans tonight.

“Fuck,” Charlie cursed, checking the pager one more time. She knew she couldn’t ignore it, especially when she was still in the building. It was her job to answer.

Her fingers tight around the pager, Charlie searched her locker one more time for a hidden pair of scrubs, but she came up empty-handed. With more time, she might have been desperate enough to dig through the nearby lockers until she found something else to wear. Had she known Jackie or Sienna’s combination, she surely would have borrowed their clothes, no matter what was in there.

But she’d already taken too long.

So, with a deep breath, Charlie twisted her face into that of firm determination, and she started walking to the diagnostic team’s office. Her heels click-clacked against the linoleum floors, and if everyone wasn’t already staring, they certainly were now. Her skin burned under the attention, but she moved onward, projecting a confident air of disinterest to separate herself from the rumors.

She just needed to walk in, do whatever she was paged for, and leave.

Maybe Ethan wouldn’t even be there… He wasn’t the one who paged.

He didn’t like to listen to gossip. He might not ever find out that she was on her way to a date.

But of course, that would have been too easy.

Before she even reached the door, she saw Ethan’s absurdly tall frame bent over his desk, engrossed in a chart. The rest of the team were settled in the office, each at different points in the room. All of them would see her.

“Fuck,” she muttered for the second time.

Charlie hesitated at the door but forced herself to open it, drawing everyone’s attention as she announced her arrival, “I was paged.”

No member of the diagnostics team could remember being more shocked by Charlie than they were today. No wild diagnosis nor earth-shattering hospital gossip could compare to the wide-eyed silence they gave her.

Of course, none were more stunned than Ethan.

Once his eyes landed on her, he couldn’t tear them away. He’d seen Charlie at varying states, some more vulnerable or confident than others. He knew her worst and best. She was never more beautiful than she was peacefully asleep on his bed, but surely, this came close.

But she wasn’t made up for him.

This was for someone else.

Ethan’s jaw tightened, and the intensity of his stare forced Charlie’s eyes away from his in shame.

Not that she had anything to be ashamed of.

He hurt her and pushed her away. He could have had her. He chose not to.

She had the right to move on. She had the right to dress up and meet new people, and what she did with them was none of Ethan’s business.

So, why did she feel like she’d betrayed him?

“Damn, Charlie,” Baz was the first to speak, seemingly oblivious to Ethan’s rigid reaction, “Where are you going dressed like that?”

“Uh,” Charlie stammered. She hadn’t expected the question, and she struggled to think of an answer to deflect with, “I’m just meeting a friend.

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth. She didn’t even know who she was going to meet yet. That was the point of a blind date.

“Oh, really?” Baz didn’t take the hint and innocently pushed her further, “I’m planning on heading out tonight, too. Where are you going?”

Panic settled in Charlie’s stomach as she realized she couldn’t escape the conversation, and Ethan recognized the flush to her cheeks as she shrugged, “Some bar downtown. I don’t really remember the name.”

This time, she was lying. She knew exactly where she was going. She was just too afraid of Baz showing up to tell him.

“Those are the best nights – when you’re just running all over town with no real idea where you’re going. I’ll admit that I’m jealous, Charlie,” Baz conceded, “Why don’t you text me and we can meet up at some point? I love your friends.”

Baz meant it innocently, but Ethan watched him like a hawk, carefully dissecting every word he said just to be sure he wasn’t flirting with Charlie.

“Baz,” June sighed in exasperation, “She’s going on a date.” She couldn’t believe her colleague had been so obtuse, even though she found the whole ordeal mildly amusing. She offered Charlie a consoling smile, and Charlie weakly returned it.

Baz’s eyes went wide in shock and then understanding, and he sheepishly rubbed his neck as he apologized, “Oh… That makes sense. Sorry, Charlie.”

“It’s all good,” Charlie felt like she might throw up. This whole interaction would have been uncomfortable on its own, but with Ethan in the room, it was overwhelming.

She didn’t dare look at him after June explained the situation. She couldn’t imagine what he was thinking. Did he even care? Or was he just protective about what he’d once claimed as his own?

Ethan didn’t understand what he felt. Everything was jumbled and chaotic, flashing with bursts of jealousy and disappointment and irritation. Whatever it was rooted deep in his limbs, and it spread through his veins like wildfire. He was overwhelmed and shocked, and he felt like he was drowning as his gaze turned hard.

He couldn’t let her go to another man looking like that. He had to stop her and distract her.

She wanted to be his. She was his.

Ethan felt a profound claim over Charlie’s affection. She was his protégé, his friend, and his colleague, but she was more. She was the person who made him laugh. She was the girl who had tangled in his sheets and brandished the scent of his cologne as she paraded around his apartment in his clothes. She was his Charlie.

Only a week ago, she could have been in his bed.

But he’d said no…

He reminded himself that he was the one who pushed her away. He was always the one who pushed her away, even if he occasionally lost his strength in doing so. It was for the best that they were separated.

Still… he’d never imagined having to watch her move on.

Before he acted like an asshole and ruined her night with unnecessary work, Ethan said, “I had Baz page you to run a few tests on Mr. Johnson, but I didn’t realize you had plans. Go ahead, and enjoy your night. I’ll handle it.”

Charlie met his stare for the second time, losing whatever polite smile she’d plastered on her face to conceal her embarrassment. A small, dissatisfied frown settled on her lips as she nodded in his direction, and she swallowed her disappointment as she thanked him.

Why was she disappointed? This was what she wanted. But there was a small part of her that hoped he would stop her, that he wouldn’t let her go and that she wouldn’t have to move on. She just wanted to hold on a little bit longer.

“Thank you, Dr. Ramsey,” Charlie dropped eye contact, turning to her other coworkers to bid them goodnight. They echoed her sentiments, and Charlie wasted no time in leaving the office, walking as fast as she could without seeming too desperate to leave.

Ethan felt glued to his seat, watching as her figure disappeared down the hallway and listening for the final click-clack of her shoes. Then she was gone…

All of the air seemed to escape Ethan’s lungs, and he felt like he was choking on the weight of the realization that Charlie was lost to him. She was going to another man. She was actively trying to move on from him, if she hadn’t already. She didn’t want to stay in their confusing, volatile relationship.

And even if Ethan was the one who instigated their separation, he was devastated.

Not that he would admit it. Or show it.

Ethan stood, seemingly as stern as ever, and collected his files to begin testing his patient.

“Well… That was super embarrassing,” Baz broke the silence, leaned back in his chair as his hand washed over his face, “I never knew I was that dumb.”

“I knew,” June added, not looking up from her medical journal.

Baz shook his head, letting out a sigh as he offered, “Well, I’m still going out tonight. You interested, Hirata?”

“Thank you, but I’m afraid I’m otherwise engaged,” June declined.

Baz didn’t seem too concerned with rejection, and preparing for another one, he turned to Ethan, “What about you, Ramsey?”

In all of the time they’d worked together, Baz had asked Ethan to go out with him countless times, and Ethan had never said yes. Ethan rarely went out, and when he did, he had a drink or two at Donahue’s and went home. He didn’t run around Boston recklessly searching for adventure, and he certainly wouldn’t have done so with his coworker.

But when Ethan imagined returning to his empty apartment – the one he’d shared with Charlie on many nights – and jealously mourning his loss as he drank alone, anything else seemed preferable.

To his own surprise, he accepted, “Sure. We can leave after I finish the tests.”

Only a block from her destination, Charlie had no distraction to keep her from thinking about what she was doing. After being caught by her pager and revealing her plans to her colleagues, there was no catastrophe. No one else stopped her in the hospital. No surprising patient kept her at work, and no horrific traffic accident prevented her from getting a car downtown. And deep down, Charlie hated it.

She was really doing this.

She was going on a date with someone else.

The idea had been Kyra’s. When Charlie declared her intention to move on from Ethan, Kyra had a million ideas, most of which included kissing strangers until she forgot what Ethan tasted like. This had been the tamest solution, and Charlie agreed, picturing the whole thing as a hypothetical rather than her weekend plans.

Her friends were quick to suggest potential dates. Bryce produced a surgical intern as his nomination, hailing him as one of the “lesser assholes” on the team who would be a perfect rebound because he was too much of a workaholic to establish a serious relationship. Sienna, on the other hand, introduced a charming man she’d met in a coffee shop that oozed commitment and stability. Elijah similarly suggested a nice, stable friend, but Charlie declined both. Jackie thought that the idea of a blind date was ridiculous and suggested they go to a club, get shit-faced, and encourage Charlie to hook up with an attractive stranger.

It was Kyra who suggested David Abbott, a tech guy she’d met at a yoga class. He’d just sold a start-up and was trying to find a healthy work-life balance. They’d run into each other a few more times on Kyra’s mission to experience life and David’s quest to see what he’d missed when he’d dedicated his youth to his company. He was friendly, respectful, and too interested in finding himself to settle down.  

He was perfect.

But all Charlie could think about was the way Ethan looked at her when he realized what she was doing…

The car ride downtown ended too quickly, and Charlie hesitated to step out of the car after paying the driver. She stood on the sidewalk, ogling at the tall building as her determination wavered.

The sun had long set, and a gentle breeze coated Charlie’s bare skin. Summer was nearly over, but Charlie hardly remembered where it had gone. As she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the glass windows, she felt very different from the girl who arrived in Boston last summer. She’d been so many women in this city. The scared intern, the woman bent on survival, and then a ghost of the woman who had loved Ethan Ramsey. Now, it was time to be someone else…

Charlie counted to ten and then stepped inside the luxe water-front hotel, and she made her way to the trendy rooftop bar. The Boston cityscape glittered back at her, illuminating beautiful young people as they milled about. The Boston Harbor reflected the city back into the sky, and under the hazy glow, everything seemed new and bright.

Charlie texted David that she’d arrived, and as she moved through the crowd of people toward the bar, she hoped that she had more time. Maybe he was in traffic or was running behind.

She ordered a mojito, and as she waited for her drink, she admired the view. It was so idyllic – the water, the summer night sky, the first date with a handsome stranger, and the trendy bar where not a soul recognized her. So, why did Charlie feel claustrophobic and cagey? Guilt nagged at her heart, punishing her for a perceived transgression against a man who wasn’t even hers to betray.

She felt restless, and her fingers itched to text David with a feigned emergency. It would have been easy to leave, and the elevator doors seemed to call to her.

You don’t have to do this, they implored, You don’t have to let go of Ethan.

She didn’t decide fast enough.

The bartender shoved her mojito at her, and she ambled off to the railing, staring at the scene below.

“Charlie?”

Surprised by the sound of her name, Charlie shifted her attention to the man approaching her.

“David?” she asked, though she doubted it could be anyone else.

“Guilty as charged,” David produced a hand for her to shake, sparing her from hugging a stranger, and Charlie accepted it thankfully.

As she appraised him, she noted that he looked nothing like Ethan. He was younger, though he shared lines etched into his face by stress. David was shorter, though not by too much, and his fashionably cut hair was blonde. He looked at ease in the bar as his brown eyes surveyed the scene, and he stood differently than Ethan, too. He was open and vulnerable, and Charlie doubted that he was capable of feeling emotion without openly expressing it.

He was everything that Ethan wasn’t.

And that irked Charlie.

Charlie followed David as he led her to a seat by the water. She sat opposite him, her spine straight and her grip on her drink delicate. She felt like she was sitting for an interview rather than a date, but if he was alarmed by her formality, he didn’t let on.

“So, before I embarrass myself, I must confess that I know nothing about medicine. Everything I know comes from Greys Anatomy and the time I went to the emergency room after breaking my leg skiing in college,” David laughed as he took a sip of his drink. It was tall and dark, but Charlie didn’t recognize it. “However, Kyra assures me that you are extremely impressive, and I don’t doubt it.”

Charlie’s posture softened at the compliment, and she blushed, “Kyra has also told me that three separate coffee shops have cappuccinos so delicious that you’ll cry at the first taste, so I don’t know if I would take her word on it.”

David laughed so hard that he had to put down his drink to keep from spilling it, and when he looked back at her, there was a sparkle in his eyes that piqued Charlie’s interest.

“Have you ever tasted a cappuccino that made you cry?” David challenged.

“Not yet, but I’m open to the experience.”

David was smirking.

Charlie found herself smirking back.

“So far, you’re exactly as great as Kyra said. Unless you’ve got some wild hidden skeleton in your closet,” he shrugged, “Like maybe this all a rouse to murder me in an alley.”

“Damn, you ruined my plans,” Charlie played along, “I guess I should go home.”

“I swear, all the good ones are serial killers,” David shook his head with feigned disappointment, and it made Charlie smile.

She added ‘funny´ to her list of what she knew about David.

“What about you? Living out a bucket list at 30? That’s a little suspicious,” Charlie teased, though her curiosity was apparent.

“I saw it in a romantic comedy and thought it would make women fall in love with me.”

Charlie gasped, shoving David lightly with her leg, and he beamed back.

“Alright, alright. I’m kidding,” David conceded, “I spent my entire twenties trying to make something of myself. I skipped parties, dates, holidays, everything. As ridiculous as this sounds, I loved my company. Like, true love. Like, someone should have sent me to therapy sort of love,” David quipped and seemed satisfied that Charlie was amused, “When I sold my company, I didn’t know what to love anymore. I’m on a quest for love. I think that’s what we’re all looking for, really.”

Charlie hummed appreciatively, sipping from her mojito. If he could dedicate himself so fully to moving on from the loss of something he loved, maybe she could do the same. Maybe they could do it together.

“How philosophical for someone I met fifteen minutes ago,” Charlie teased.  

“Ahh, but you haven’t left yet. So, I must not have scared you off,” David celebrated.

And he hadn’t.

Three drinks later, they were still seated by the water, talking. The bar’s crowd expanded, and more than a few patrons eyed their seats enviously. The music had gotten louder, too, so they had to lean closer to share their funny stories and humorous observations. More than once, David’s hand landed on her knee when he leaned in to tell a joke, and Charlie let him.

She liked David Abbott, and the date was going well.

Still, when she smiled at David, she thought about Ethan.

He was always in the corner of her mind. She wondered what he would do if he were here, what he would say or drink. Where would he have taken her on a blind date? What sort of first impression would he have left? Would he have kissed her goodnight or said goodbye at the door?

She tried to put that out of her mind as she listened to David share a story about a crazy roommate in college, and she was so determined to be entertained that she didn’t notice the two men enter the bar.

Because if she had, she wouldn’t have cared about David’s story. She might not have even cared about David.

“This place is packed!” Baz felt like he had to yell to make sure Ethan heard him, and Ethan nodded his agreement, remaining silent.

Ethan was eager to start drinking, and he didn’t care how busy the bar was. He’d agreed to go out with Baz with the sole intention of distracting himself from Charlie. Sober, he couldn’t get her out of his mind, and he couldn’t sit under the weight of his regret and jealousy.

“I’m going to circle the bar to find a place to sit! You stay here and look for one, too!” Baz suggested, “If either of us finds something, we’ll text each other, okay?”

He agreed, and Baz set off to make his loop.

Ethan surveyed the landscape. Everyone was young and hip, and it made Ethan feel old in comparison. Several women were looking in his direction, and for a moment, he was tempted to approach them. It would serve Charlie right. She should be just as jealous as he was…

But when he imagined taking another woman home just to spite her, he felt sick. He didn’t want to hurt Charlie more than he already had. And he really didn’t want anyone else.

So, he quickly averted his eyes and searched the edge of the party, where most of the seats had been filled by couples. He craned his neck to see if anything was available, and that’s when he saw her.

Charlie.

Leaning into another man. Listening to him. With his hand on her knee. And she was smiling.

Ethan’s world seemed to stop moving. Everything else faded to the back. He couldn’t hear the music or the crowd, but he could hear her laugh. He could see her smile and feel the warmth, even at a distance. She glowed under the moonlight, and in his gut, Ethan knew she was happy.

He stumbled back, unable to look away.

It was one thing to know that she should move on and find someone else.

It was another to watch her do it.

He wanted to intervene and tell her that he’d changed his mind – that he’d seen the light and knew that he needed her in his life.

But that wasn’t fair either.

Ethan’s phone buzzed, and he fumbled for the device, only looking away from Charlie to read the text on his phone.

Baz: it’s full here. any luck?

Ethan: None. Should we leave?

Baz: meet you at the elevator

Ethan exhaled a deep sigh of relief, eager to get the hell out of there and never return. But when he started to walk away, he hesitated. He didn’t want to leave her… He didn’t want to let her go.

In the end, he didn’t let go, not really. He just left the bar and went to another, and he drank until he stopped hearing her laugh ring in his ears.

Charlie and David stayed at the bar for a little while longer, sharing weird experiences in public transit and funny stories about their college roommates. David suggested getting pizza, and when Charlie admitted that she’d only had a protein bar for dinner, he wouldn’t let her say no to a slice. David paid the tab, and as soon as they were in the elevator, he began bragging about the best pizza place in town and how he and all of his friends had frequented it back in the day.

It was close enough to walk, and they fell into a comfortable rhythm. It was there that Charlie realized that this could have been more than a first date. It could have been spending the night together or dinner next Friday. It could be a weekend out of town to see the leaves in the fall. It could be dinner at the loft to meet all of her friends. It could be real.

And suddenly, Charlie really missed Ethan.  

They were only a block from the pizza place when Charlie’s phone buzzed in her purse. She fished it out as they waited at a crosswalk, and she twisted her face in surprise at the caller ID.

Baz.

“Sorry about this, a friend is calling,” Charlie apologized to David, though he assured her that she didn’t need to.

When she accepted the call, she could hardly hear over the roaring bar in the background. But Baz was there. He was laughing and seemed oblivious that Charlie had even answered.

“Hello? Baz?” Charlie called out, “Are you there?”

“Charlie!” Baz exclaimed, so excited that she wondered if he had forgotten that he even called. He was definitely drunk, “You’ve got to get down here! We’re having the best timeeeeeeee.”

“Maybe you should call it a night, Baz,” Charlie warned him softly, crossing the street by David’s side.

“Noooo, I couldn’t do that! Ethan would be crushed.”

Charlie’s heart stopped. Ethan.

“He’s soooo drunk, Charlie. He’s, like, dancing,” Baz confided, “Between you and me, I think he’s pretty far gone. Somebody should probably call him a car.”

If Baz was this drunk and was worried about Ethan, something had to be wrong. Charlie felt sick.

“Is he okay? Are you okay?” Charlie’s voice had taken an edge of panic, and David looked to her in concern.

“I’m fine,” Baz insisted, “But Ethan… I mean, he is drunk, Charlie.”

“Can you take him home?” Charlie felt like she was begging. Ethan didn’t do this. Someone needed to help.  

“But we’re having a great time!” Baz huffed, sounding like a child annoyed at having to end his party.

“Baz,” Charlie was frustrated, “He needs to go home. You need to take him home. Where are you? I can send an Uber.”

“Are you coming to the bar?” Baz must not have heard all she said, or maybe he was too drunk to care, “We’re at The Hub. I can’t wait to see you!”

Click.

Charlie’s face paled as she pulled the phone away from her and confirmed that he’d hung up on her. Anxiety built in her chest, making it tight and uncomfortable. She imagined Ethan, too drunk and under the faulty care of an intoxicated Baz, and she wanted to throw up.

She hadn’t realized that they’d reached the pizza restaurant until David stopped walking.

Distracted, she stopped and looked to David, waiting for some kind of cue to enter the small restaurant. She couldn’t think about sitting down and eating, not after Baz’s call. She felt like she needed to get there as soon as she could and save them before something horrible happened, but she didn’t feel like she had the license. She was supposed to forget Ethan, not run to him on her first date with someone else.

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” David phrased it like a question, shoving his hands in his pockets, but he knew it was the truth.

“I’m sorry,” Charlie confessed, “I’m just really worried about my friend.”

David nodded like he understood, “You sure you’re not just ditching?”

“I’m not ditching,” Charlie shook her head, “I had fun.”

“I did, too,” David confessed, “Raincheck on the pizza?”

“Deal,” Charlie agreed quickly, though something felt strange about her promise. Was she really sure she would make it to the second date?

“Good luck with your friend,” David wanted to be encouraging, but he really didn’t want to let her go. He liked Charlie more than he expected he would, but he sensed the flight in her. There was something in her eyes that made him unconvinced that he would ever see her again. He kissed her cheek just in case it really was goodbye.

“Thank you for a nice time, David,” Charlie didn’t want to seem final, but as she awkwardly waved goodbye, it felt final anyway.

The Hub was only a few blocks away, and after a short walk, Charlie found herself in a small, crowded pub. It was impossible to hear anything over the thundering music and conversation, so she pushed through the crowd to find a familiar face.

She found Baz first.

He was sitting at the bar, beer in hand as he talked to another man. The closer she got, she realized that they were debating politics. Though they agreed on most topics, their remaining disagreements made the conversation contentious and animated. Stacks of empty shot glasses sat in front of Baz, and there was no way he’d finished all of them. At least some of them must have been Ethan’s.

Charlie fought through the throngs of people to reach Baz, and she tapped on his shoulder to get his attention.

“Charlie!” Baz exclaimed, wrapping Charlie in a hug, and she was too surprised to reciprocate. Baz pulled her to his side, “This is my friend Charlie! Charlie, this is Damien. Damien doesn’t think that corporations are responsible for going carbon neutral in the next decade! Can you believe that?”

Baz fumed, ready to start a war with Charlie at his side, but Charlie merely shook her head, leaning to his ear to ask, “Where is Ethan?”

Baz looked around quickly, seeming surprised that Ethan wasn’t beside him. After a beat, he remembered and yelled, “He went to the back!”

“Okay,” Charlie took her phone, opening the Uber app and handing it to him, “Call a car to your apartment. We’re leaving as soon as I find Ethan, alright?”

Baz pouted but complied. Trusting that he was drunk enough to go home but not in immediate danger, Charlie left Baz to finish his debate. The space was small enough that it only took Charlie a few minutes to reach the back of the bar, though she had to shove several patrons just to get by. They mumbled insults as she passed, yet she hardly heard them. She needed to find Ethan.

And she did.

Ethan Ramsey was leaned against the wall, too dizzy to stand straight. He’d been marooned in this corner when his latest drink made the world spin too fast, and he couldn’t collect himself enough to walk back to the front. He’d tried once, only to nearly fall on his face. So, he’d camped out here, watching the partygoers. There were too many couples looking happy, and he rolled his eyes at every single one. Why had they gotten it all right?

Ethan’s vision was hazy, so he didn’t believe it when he saw Charlie approach him.

Relief surged through Charlie’s veins, bringing tears to her eyes as she approached him. Instinctively, she wanted to hold him and kiss that stupid expression off his face, but she felt held back.

“Charlie?” Ethan slurred, still convinced he imagined her.

“Come on,” Charlie held out her hand, “I’m taking you home.”

He wanted to tell her that he’d seen the two of them together, that he was jealous and miserable because of it. But instead, he whined, “I’m dizzy.”

“That’s okay,” Charlie’s voice was soft as she hooked her arm around his waist, stabilizing him. He leaned into her just enough to walk straight, and together, they moved through the crowd. By the time they reached Baz, he had successfully ordered a car, and Charlie fished Ethan’s credit card out of his wallet to cover the tab. She forced Baz to end his debate with his new friend, and she towed the two men out of the bar.

On the sidewalk, Baz and Ethan gulped the fresh air. Ethan leaned back against the façade of the building, trying to catch his breath, and while Charlie stood back, she watched him with concern.

Baz was telling her something funny about the bartender, but Charlie hardly heard a word.

When the car arrived, they squeezed into the backseat. Ethan got in first, leaning against the cool window to sober up, and when Charlie slid in beside him, his arm wrapped around her waist as if anchoring himself to her. Baz was the last to enter the car, and he kept talking. The driver entertained him, laughing at whatever Baz’s joke was.

“I have a secret,” Ethan’s whisper was soft as he leaned into Charlie, his head resting on her shoulder.

Charlie’s hands were in his hair, massaging soothing circles in his scalp as she asked, “What is it?”

“You can’t tell Charlie,” Ethan declared, his words slurring.

“I won’t,” Charlie assured him, feeling a tad guilty at the deception.

“I saw her on her date,” he confessed, “And I miss her. So much. I want her to be happy… But I miss her.”

Charlie’s chest tightened, and her heart raced, “You see her every day.”

Ethan shook his head, “She doesn’t want to be around me. I hurt her. I meant to hurt her. I want her to find better than me.” His voice wavered, thick with emotion.

“She misses you, too,” Charlie professed breathlessly, suddenly aware of every missing piece she’d been looking for with David.

She missed Ethan. She’d missed Ethan from the moment she lost him in the spring.

Ethan hummed, his eyelids heavy as he fell further into Charlie.

At some point, they had reached Baz’s apartment building. He gave Charlie a tight hug, disturbing Ethan’s peaceful rest, and he bid them both goodnight.

“This was so much fun! We have to do this another time!” Baz called out after he’d already closed the door, cupping his mouth to make sure they’d heard it. Charlie laughed, watching as he waved until they faded into the distance.

Even with the open seat, Charlie didn’t move from the middle. She held Ethan in her arms, steadying him as dizziness and nausea gripped him. Even in his drunken stupor, he promised himself to never drink this much again.

Ethan’s apartment wasn’t much farther away, and Charlie thanked the driver as she slipped out of the backseat. She offered her arm to Ethan as he stood, and he wrapped himself around her. Though he towered over Charlie, he walked in step with her, arm around her waist and head bent to hers. He managed to give her the key to let her in the building, and he gagged at the sudden movement of the elevator. Charlie’s hand ran the length of his back to keep him calm.

When they entered his apartment, Jenner roused from his slumber to greet them. He barked excitedly at Charlie, and she smiled at him, showering him in compliments as she promised to pet him soon.

“I feel sick,” Ethan announced, eyes hooded, and she swore he was turning green.

“Okay,” Charlie soothed his hair, feeling the sweat on his brow, “Let’s go to the bathroom.”

Ethan didn’t object as she steered him through his apartment, leading him to his master bathroom. He dropped to the floor, relieved by the cold tile, and Charlie wet a cold rag to cool him down.

“How are you feeling?” she asked tenderly, kicking off her high heels to kneel beside him.

“I feel fine,” Ethan lied, “I just need a cold shower and I’ll be perfect-“ Ethan didn’t get to finish that thought before another wave of nausea hit, and he scrambled to the toilet bowl, throwing up hours of vodka shots and pretzels. Charlie sat with him through it, tracing patterns on her back to soothe him.

Even in his clouded state of mind, he appreciated that she was there.

When he was done, he grimaced, “I think I’m dead.”

“You just threw up. You’ll be fine,” Charlie rolled her eyes, smiling at him as if he hadn’t just puked in front of her. She offered a washcloth to wipe his mouth with, which he accepted, and then a little cup of mouthwash, “Gargle this.”

“I might throw it up.”

“You won’t if you don’t swallow it,” Charlie shoved the small cup at him, and he begrudgingly took it.

Ethan gargled the mouth wash before spitting it back up in the toilet bowl. He flushed it down and stood, feeling shaky and exhausted.

“Do you want to go to bed?” Charlie offered, holding his hand.

Ethan nodded, failing to find words that sat well on his stomach. He wanted to thank her, but he worried that if he spoke too much, he would start vomiting words instead of pretzel.

Holding on for stability and comfort, Ethan let Charlie lead him back to his bedroom. He kicked at his shoes, struggling to get him off his feet as Charlie pulled back the duvet. He peeled off his clothes, throwing them in a pile by his bed, and he fell into the cool sheets with a relieved sigh.

“Roll on your side. You’re not going to sleep on your back, okay? Do you promise me?” Charlie’s voice was surprisingly authoritative, and though the room was still spinning, he did as she said. She didn’t want to leave him alone, not when she’d just watched him throw up a shelf worth of alcohol, but she wasn’t sure if she could stay.

“Are you-“ Ethan swallowed, looking queasy, “leaving?”

Ethan’s eyes opened fully. This time, he could see her without blurry edges or double vision. She looked so pretty, so concerned…

He looked hurt and dejected by the idea of her leaving, and her stomach dipped.

“I probably should…” Charlie didn’t sound sure of herself.

Ethan nodded like he understood, but his head felt like it had gone through a blender. He couldn’t really process anything other than she was here.

“Stay until I fall asleep,” he murmured, eyes already fluttering closed.

Charlie couldn’t say no.

As she sat on the bed beside him, she tried to convince herself that it wouldn’t be long. Soon, he would be asleep. Then, she could leave. She just had to wait.

“Just until you fall asleep,” Charlie was mostly talking to herself as Ethan flipped on his other side to face her. She couldn’t resist the urge to smooth his hair out of his face, eyes soft with worry.

Ethan’s arm draped over her waist lazily. His head fell to the pillow beside hers, his body warmth radiating to Charlie’s skin. He felt warm and vulnerable and, despite being sick, at ease. And somehow Charlie felt at home.

“My Charlie…” Ethan murmured, half-asleep but smiling, and knowing he couldn’t see her, Charlie allowed herself to smile as her heart swelled with affection.

My Ethan, she thought.

What a fitting end to a first date. All she proved was that she would always run to Ethan, but instead of being disappointed in herself, she stayed in the moment and weakly promised herself that she wouldn’t do it again.

But she had a habit of breaking promises when it came to Ethan…

The next morning, Ethan woke with a start. His head throbbed, and his throat burned with acid from the night before. The act of sitting up in bed nearly made him lose whatever food was left in his stomach, and he held onto the headboard to stabilize himself. Even with the lights off and every curtain drawn, it was too bright in his room.

“What the fuck?” Ethan groaned, taking long deep breaths to get himself together.

His eyes fell to the empty, rumpled sheets beside him.

She left, he realized.

He knew she would. She even warned him the night before. Yet waking up without her felt wrong and unexpected.

“Stop it,” he chastised himself, “You pushed her away.”

Ethan hauled himself out of bed, feeling gross and in desperate need of a shower. He pulled on a t-shirt from his closet and stumbled out of his bedroom. He was on a mission to make himself a hot cup of coffee, no matter how hungover he was. He fumbled with the kettle, cursing himself for not owning a simple coffee maker, and he went through the process, occasionally covering his eyes to shield himself from the sun coming through his windows.

Click.

Ethan jumped, turning his attention to his front door as the lock clicked into place and the knob turned. Who the hell would be coming in his apartment? Fuck, was his dad making a surprise visit? He couldn’t see him like this. He didn’t want to see anyone. He just wanted to hide in his bed.

Just as Ethan feared, the door swung open, and there was a bark on the other side.

“What the fuck?” Ethan murmured.

As if released from his leash, Jenner bounded into the apartment, running up to Ethan and rising on his hind legs to get his master’s attention. Ethan absently scratched his ears, eyes still wide as he tried to understand what was happening.

Then he saw a flash of blonde hair.

Charlie entered the apartment, empty leash in one hand and his apartment key in the other. She was still wearing her dress from the night before, though it looked rumbled and disheveled now. Ethan slowly realized that she’d slept here. And she’d stayed.

“Oh, you’re up,” Charlie looked surprised to see him, “I just… um, took Jenner for a walk.”

“Thank you,” Ethan couldn’t wipe the look of shock off his face, “I didn’t expect to see you.”

Charlie shrugged, chewing on her lower lip as she tried to seem nonchalant, but how do you appear casual after dropping everything to pick up an old fling and spending hours caring for him?

“Thank you for last night, too,” Ethan knew he was appreciative, though he didn’t know how appreciative he should be. He could hardly remember a thing other than seeing her on her date, going to a bar, and then riding home with her.

“You’re welcome,” Charlie laughed, “As soon as Baz called and told me you were dancing at a bar, I knew you two needed to call it a night.”

“I was dancing?” Ethan repeated incredulously.

“I mean, by the time I got there, you were just glaring at people from a corner, but I trust Baz,” Charlie admitted.

“God,” Ethan grimaced, leaning against his kitchen cabinets as he marveled at how foolish he’d made himself, “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Charlie.”

“I didn’t mind,” Charlie was surprisingly truthful. She knew she should have resented him for interrupting her night, but she couldn’t will herself to be annoyed, “Besides… You saved me from my drunk self once. I was just returning the favor.”

Right.

The night she texted him drunk before the ethics hearing. He’d searched all of Boston to find her, and they’d spent the weekend in his apartment hiding from the world. That was their beginning.

Ethan found himself smiling at the memory. Everything seemed brighter and better then, even if it was the darkest point in his mental health. He’d had Charlie, and somehow, that was enough.

“Can I make it up to you with breakfast?” Ethan offered, hoping to reward her for her generosity but also desperate to keep her here a little longer.

“You feel up to cooking?” Charlie asked suspiciously.

“Oh God, no. I’m going to order. I almost threw up making this coffee,” he motioned vaguely to his French press, and Charlie bit back her laugher.

“Okay…” Charlie was smiling, and it made his knees feel weak, “Breakfast it is. But if you throw up again, I’m not holding your hair.”

Ethan smirked, shaking his head, “No promises.”

“Well…” Charlie shrugged, “I’ll stay anyway.”

Note: I tried making a collage with the dress and bar I pictured, and idk, I might keep doing it. 

Tag List

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[phoenixsavant]

Jumin’s Route: Day 1

Picking up after the prologue.

               Jumin scoffed to himself as he prepared for bed.  Zen had made a proper fool of himself. Yoosung could be somewhat excused, given his age and lack of life experience.  Zen should have known better than to throw himself at the newcomer though. For all that went, Seven wasn’t exactly reserved either.  

               “I wonder if I should speak to them, Elizabeth,” he murmured to the sleek, white body at the foot of his bed.  He sat beside her.  “This is all very strange and possibly dangerous.  They should exercise a little caution.”

               “Mrow?”

               “Hmm, you’re right.  We won’t find out anything by being too distant. There should be a balance, as in all things.  Still, don’t you agree this is highly unusual?  What could it mean that she is in Rika’s apartment, and how do we determine if she’s a friend or a threat?”

               Elizabeth purred, stretched, and closed her eyes.

               “Yes, rest first, and then we shall have answers. You’re quite right.”  He reached to turn out his light but was stopped by the sudden ringing of his phone.  He picked it up, expecting Assistant Kang, and was surprised to see MC’s name on the display instead.  

               Surprised, but curious, he answered the call. “Jumin Han speaking.”

               “This is MC.”

               “My phone has caller ID.  But I like the fact that you identified yourself.  So, to what do I owe this call?”  His own words of caution echoed through his thoughts. He must be careful not to betray any information to this stranger while drawing out whatever he could about her.

               When she said she was just wondering what he was doing, he felt vaguely annoyed.  Who called someone they did not know, had not properly met, after midnight?  He spoke calmly, but clearly, putting her in her place and ensuring that she would understand that he was not someone who would take such calls in the future.

               She apologized almost instantly, and he felt bad for basically having scolded another adult. “I should say something positive to her,” he thought.  “I admire your courage,” was the best he could find to say about the bold stranger on the phone.  Yet, habit was a stronger force than even Jumin Han, and he reverted immediately to reminding her not to call unless there was an emergency.

               “That is not how to give feedback.  I just did it in reverse.  I must resolve this,” his thoughts demanded of him.  He added on, “Oh, however, I hope you are not foolish enough to not call me during an emergency just because I said this.”  

“Have I become the robot they accuse me of being?” he wondered.  

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try to be a little more friendly.  If MC had been duped into entering Rika’s apartment, she might be feeling frightened right now.  Perhaps she had called just to hear another voice, and why wouldn’t she call him before the others?  With compassion now guiding him, Jumin quickly made up something to say.  “I was thinking about what to do with this wallpaper,” he explained.  “Striped wallpapers are better…”  He explained how stripes can be better at calming people when they are uneasy, hoping that it might give MC an idea for easing her nerves.  Considering that the walls at Rika’s apartment might not have stripes, he offered to have the wallpaper changed for her.  

“Yes, I think that will do for now.  If MC follows my suggestion, she’ll find something with stripes to look at so that she can feel calmer,” he smiled to himself, glad to have had something worthwhile to offer.  “Don’t stay up too late,” he said gently.  “Now good night.”  

The call ended, he placed the phone back on his nightstand and turned out the light.  “Come to bed, Elizabeth,” he called to the dark room.  

The softness of Elizabeth’s hair brushed against his arm before she leaned against him, laying as she did every night.  She purred softly again, a sound that always ensured sleep would come quickly for him.  Tonight, however, his mind replayed a sound he’d heard, a clear note in the cacophony of his life.

“I am MC.”

 Morning

               Jumin readied himself for work, following his usual routine.  Each step served the purpose of preparing him physically and mentally for the long hours he would work.  He enjoyed routine, thrived on it even, finding an almost spiritual peace in the series of small rituals.

               This morning, though, the routine was disrupted by thoughts of MC’s sudden appearance and the surprise phone call late at night.  He showered and wondered if she’d rested well in the strange surroundings at Rika’s apartment.  He ate breakfast and wondered if she had anything to eat.  He dressed and wondered whether he should check on her.

               While feeding Elizabeth, he took out his phone and opened the app.  Zen was already in the chat, and it seemed that MC had been through a few times.  It seemed Yoosung had spoken before playing LOLOL again, and Assistant Kang had made sure to impart some words of wisdom regarding the role of part coordinator.  Zen had, of course, flirted with her, taking the opportunity to see how much MC thought of him and complaining about not having a girlfriend.  Yoosung had then complained about the same.

               “With those two around, she’s going to take off and we’ll never solve the mystery,” he said to Elizabeth.  He shook his head at their desperation.  “I can’t imagine what MC must be thinking of all of us after their performances.”

               Suddenly, the phone flickered, drawing his eyes back to the chat.  MC had arrived.  

               “Jumin, don’t you have to go to work?” MC asked.

               “Hmm, she is perhaps more aware of the realities of life than I imagined her to be,” he considered.  “I was about to,” he typed.

               Zen annoyed him, though, and so he resorted to the one thing he knew would make the actor complain.  He posted a picture of Elizabeth.

               MC’s immediate reaction, “Wow! So pretty!” brought a smile to Jumin’s face.  Of course Elizabeth was pretty.  It was nice to see someone else – someone other than Seven – admit it.  

               Zen, however, was not about to allow Jumin to speak of Elizabeth without interrupting.  When he read Zen’s words about how Jumin treated his employees, he responded by trying to explain that when there’s a business relationship, you don’t expect affection in it.  It’s business and nothing more.

               “Isn’t it natural to just work as much as you get paid?” MC asked.

               “Oh, good for her!  So few people truly grasp this simple concept!”

               “That is correct,” he replied.

               “Elizabeth, dearest, I do think that Zen says some of these things just to have something negative to say about me,” he commented. With a smirk he typed back, “They should be honored to be my slaves.  They are probably tears of joy.”  

               Jumin coughed in surprise at MC’s response.  

               “I’m pretty sure it’s tears of joy +_+”

               “Oh, this could be quite entertaining, Elizabeth. It seems MC understands my sense of humor!”  He chuckled audibly as he responded, pressing the joke forward, just to see what she would do.

               Zen made it impossible for the playfulness to carry forward and Jumin left the chat, still smiling.  MC found Elizabeth attractive – which meant she could see clearly. But she’d joined in on his joke and encouraged it.  Had that been deliberate?  He would have to find out.

               Looking at the clock, he realized his driver was late. With a sigh, he called and found out there had been an accident.  Driver Kim was nearby, but unable to get through.  Well, such things do happen at times.

               With nothing else to do, he sent a message to MC, attempting to complete his original goal and check on her well-being.

               “Did you have breakfast yet?” he asked.

               Her response did not answer the question but instead commented on how well he took care of himself.  Finding it odd, he answered, “Isn’t it expected?”

               Seeing that she was in the chat room again, he returned there.  He sighed as if someone had just spilled paint on his floors.  Seven was in the chat.

               Seven was not perhaps Jumin’s favorite person. He was a menace where Elizabeth’s safety was concerned.  At least he could speak freely about Elizabeth, and cats in general, when Seven was present.  When MC again expressed appreciation for Elizabeth’s beauty, Jumin smiled.  

               Somehow the conversation switched to Seven’s work. It seemed to Jumin that MC became quieter, as if avoiding interacting with Seven. He tried to suggest that she could trust Seven, but when the hacker started talking about returning to Jumin’s home, he couldn’t help but deliver strict warnings.  He liked the young man, but he didn’t trust him not to make trouble. “Not that I think this way without reason.”  He wondered if MC would take his advice, or if he should deliver a stronger warning.

               Before he could decide, a knock at the door alerted him to the arrival of Driver Kim.  Bidding farewell to MC, Jumin once more left the chat and turned to face the day, for which he was now late.  As soon as he was in the car though, he found himself sending another message to MC. This time, she agreed even privately that cats were the best animals.  She must mean it, and no one who appreciated cats could be bad.

               “I’m glad to meet a friend,” he replied sincerely, deciding that whatever else was happening, MC was now a friend, at the least a fellow lover of feline grace and beauty.

Midday

               His day at the office dragged more than usual. As his lunch hour arrived, he checked the chat.  He’d been thinking about MC all morning, dissatisfied that they’d had to break off their conversation.  It was so rare to find someone who truly appreciated cats, and the prospect of finally knowing someone else who felt as he did was exhilarating.

               Opening the RFA chat again, Jumin scanned over the logs.  Yoosung had complained about V again. He frowned.  “I must find a way to get him over this fixation,” he murmured to his empty office.  

He saw that Jaehee had also spoken to MC about the party.  It was commendable that his assistant showed interest in assuring MC had a clear concept of what to do for the party, even if she should have been working on the reports for his meeting tomorrow morning. Still, it was good to see that MC seemed to be taking her new position seriously.  He appreciated people who could handle tasks with competence.

               “Hello, Jumin.” MC’s message chimed brightly, and Jumin’s lips tugged into a thoughtful smile.  This would make his quiet meal alone much nicer, having her to talk to.  He returned the greeting and congratulated her again on joining

               “It’s easy to enter, but leaving won’t be so easy.”  Jumin frowned at himself as soon as he sent the message.  “That will sound threatening.  Why did I say that to her?”  

               Thankfully she didn’t seem to take it as a threat, only asking him why.  He tried to think quickly, but only managed to add that MC was in Rika’s apartment with all the confidential information around.  With a groan, Jumin changed his approach.  Why was he so clumsy when speaking to this person?  Was it just because she was new?

               “I hope that you’ll take on the task and continue her work without any trouble,” he concluded.

               “Don’t worry.  I’ll do a good job,” she replied.

“Confidence in her abilities,” he mused.  “I hope she’s not over-confident.”  His fingers froze as he sent a message without thinking.  “If you do a good job…” Blinking at the screen on his phone, Jumin realized that he’d been about to type in something about meeting her. He backed out the message and added, “We’ll get to host parties again. Don’t you want to make memories you’ll never forget?”  

“I’d like to do it with you, Jumin.”

His fork froze halfway to his mouth.  His eyes widened and he sucked in air suddenly.  “No, that can’t be what she means. She hasn’t even met me.  She must have misspoken.”  He calmed his suddenly racing heartbeat before replying, thankful for the protective veil of the chat room where no one could see any response but the one he crafted.  

A glance at the clock on his desk revealed that his lunch hour was rapidly drawing to a close.  If he were to finish his meal properly, he would need to put the phone down.  His nutritionist had cautioned him many times that he needed to allow himself the eat his meals without work or other distractions so that his body could process the food at maximum capacity.  

It didn’t seem right to simply bow out though, so he explained quickly that he would be too busy to be in the chat much, but Jaehee was able to help in his absence.  Placing the phone with the screen down, he took up his fork again.

…with you, Jumin

The words rolled through his mind like a stray breeze, stirring places within the mind of Jumin Han that had been disused for so long, they seemed overgrown with cobwebs.  He didn’t taste the rest of his meal and drank far more water than usual. For some reason, his throat kept feeling very tight.  

Evening

Had there ever been a longer day?  Despite leaving for the office late, and closing the door behind him as he turned for home at a reasonable hour, the day had crawled by.  As Driver Kim pulled the car into traffic, Jumin tugged his tie loose with a heavy sigh.

“There’s been an accident, sir.  I apologize, but we’ll be a bit delayed getting you home tonight.”  

“These things happen,” Jumin answered.  “Please keep me posted if there is any additional delay.”

Driver Kim nodded and slid the glass partition closed.

Alone in the silence of his car, Jumin found his phone and checked over the notifications.  On impulse, he opened the RFA app and called MC.  He hadn’t spoken to her since lunch and wasn’t up to the chat room, but he wanted to check on her all the same.  

He greeted her politely and offered to take a single question from her, expecting her to have at least one to ask about the RFA or the party.  

“How does my voice sound?” MC asked.

Jumin paused, startled at the unexpected query.  He smiled, amused at the idea of being asked to review the voice of a stranger.  “… Speak again, slowly,” he instructed.

“Ju-min Han,” MC said, slowly, her voice soft as it drew goosebumps across his arms.

He fought back a cough as he replied.  “I didn’t expect you to say my name.  You’re quite bold for a newcomer.  That was a bit of a surprise.”  Words tumbled from his lips into the phone as he pulled the first two buttons of his shirt loose.  It was terribly stuffy in the car today.  Had Driver Kim neglected to turn on the air?  

Jumin reigned in his rambling about meetings to add in the answer to the question he’d been asked, expressing that MC’s voice was as nice as Elizabeth’s.  He shook his head at himself.  What an odd thing to say.  It was true, but even so…

“What are you doing?” MC asked.

This was another unexpected moment from the new RFA member.  Jumin wasn’t used to people continuing to ask questions after he’d stated that he would only take one.  Taken aback he agreed to answer the second question, but cautioned that he would not allow such liberties again.

Having mentioned that MC’s voice was as nice as Elizabeth’s, Jumin found himself missing his furry companion and expressed that he was anxious to get home to see her.

“You talk as if your cat is a person,” MC remarked.

“Of course.  Who else do you think I’d treasure so much other than her?” he asked while noting that MC’s voice held no trace of judgement against him for caring so much about Elizabeth.  With that consideration, he offered to continue the conversation.

MC asked how old he was, if he was the oldest in the RFA, both simple questions he answered easily.  Her voice was more than good, it was quite entrancing if he were to be honest.  It wouldn’t do to tell her so, not yet, but he found himself relaxing as they spoke.

Before he knew it, Driver Kim stopped the car and a glance out the window showed that he’d arrived home.  As he began to end the call, MC stated that she wished they could continue speaking, and he found himself feeling similarly.  “I’ll call you when I have time,” he promised, hanging up his phone as Driver Kim opened the door.  

“I am home, Elizabeth,” he called, slipping his shoes off.  He felt an unusually pleased smile at the sound of his cat’s voice, calling to him before she appeared from the bedroom.  “Hello, my dear.  Have you had a good day?”

“Mrow,” she answered, butting her head against his extended palm.  

“I have heard a voice that is almost as nice as yours today,” he informed her.  “Yours is still better, I can assure you with confidence, but it has surprised me.”  With a scratch behind the ears, he rose.  “Let’s get your brush, little one.”  

This was one of the best parts of the day for Jumin.  Drawing the brush through Elizabeth’s soft hair, exactly ten strokes on every side to ensure a healthy coat and skin, soothed even the deepest stresses away.  She purred gently beneath his touch.  It was as if her contentment spread through him, and he welcomed it.  

With Elizabeth brushed, Jumin turned to his dinner.  He chuckled when Elizabeth followed his evening grooming by jumping into the chair nearest him and bathing herself thoroughly.  “I never do it quite so well as you, is that it?” he asked in amusement.  

Evening settled softly over the city, turning the skies to a rainbow of gold and lavender.  Jumin opened his phone and saw new emails waiting for responses from the office. With a groan, he skipped past the notifications and opened the RFA chat.  As he hoped, MC was there.  So was Zen, and Jumin rolled his eyes.  

“Do you even know what sentimental means?” he asked.  The following emoji made clear that the actor didn’t truly know the meaning of the word, as Jumin suspected.  

“I should probably feel bad about this,” he commented to Elizabeth as she settled her back against his thigh.  “But honestly, Zen just responds so easily to everything.  I can’t seem to resist the urge.”

“It’s because of MC,” Jumin sent. Then he added, “Usually Zen is busy annoying me.”

With a smirk, he saw Zen begin to react.  It was just too easy to tease him.  

“Is it good that I’m here with you guys?” MC asked.

“Time will tell the net profit,” Jumin answered, calmly calculating his words to prod Zen further.

“If MC can’t handle Rika’s work very well, then she’s good for nothing.  Just like Zen.”  

He expected, having spoken to her and trusting his ability to read people, MC would know he didn’t think poorly of her.  Whether she’d understand he was only tormenting Zen or not, he was unsure, but he didn’t want her to think he had a bad opinion of her.  

“I first intend to try my best,” MC assured the two men.

“I wonder if MC will do well…?” Jumin mused.  He hoped she would.  That would mean having the parties to add a sense of meaning beyond C&R to his life, and a chance to meet her in person.  He wondered if she was as easy to look at as her voice had been to listen to.

“If I try my best, then everything will be good.”

“I like the answer.”  Jumin smiled warmly at her determined and confident response.  

Zen announced he had to go and meet with his director and Jumin noticed that Elizabeth had begun to give him signals that she was ready for her dinner.

“I should go and provide Elizabeth her meal,” he explained.

“Tell your cat hello, Jumin.”

MC’s words made him blink in mild confusion.  She hadn’t met Elizabeth, so would it do any good to pass the greeting along?  He glanced down at the sleek, white body beside him.

“Hmm.  I’m not making any promises, but I’ll try.”

Jumin stretched as he stood, calling Elizabeth to her dinner.  He lowered her bowl to the feeding mat and paused. “I know you haven’t met her, but MC has asked that I tell you hello.  I feel you’ll meet her someday though, so perhaps you’d like to know that she’s already considerate in regard to you.”  

Elizabeth sniffed delicately at her food and looked up as Jumin spoke.  “Mau,” she remarked calmly before beginning to eat.

“Hmm, you’re… you’re welcome.  I wasn’t sure if you’d appreciate being greeted so by a stranger.  I’m happy it pleases you.”  

No sooner had Jumin cleared away Elizabeth’s dish than his phone rang.  MC was calling him?  He smiled and answered the call, being free at the moment.  He was unprepared for MC to ask whether he’d had dinner or not.  It was not often that anyone thought to ask him about his meals. Still, as she had taken time to call and ask, it was probably best that he make a suggestion for her own meal. With a glance at the freshly washed dish, he recommended salmon, because Elizabeth enjoyed it so much.  

“If your palate is just as sophisticated, I’m sure you and I will make fine meal partners,” he commented.  “Why did I say that?  She’ll think I’m asking her to dinner!”

Seeking an escape, he explained that this was his personal break time and that he didn’t usually take calls at this hour.  He ended the call, shaking his head at himself.  He’d been polite enough with her, but again he’d offered more than he intended.  “I shall merely have to be more aware when speaking to her.  My place is only to watch over her and ensure she has what she needs to manage the invitation process for a party, should V decide we will have one.”  

His mind wandered back to the point he’d made in the chat, that if there was no party, there would be no reason to have her with the RFA and she would likely be removed from the app.  The thought made him frown, though he wasn’t sure why, aside from his own – admittedly unusual – curiosity.

Feeling restless, Jumin decided to go to the gym.  It was not his usual time for exercise, but he knew that the physical exertion would calm his mind again.  As the treadmill rolled its track beneath his feet, he let his thoughts roam freely.  

That V had allowed a stranger, someone who shouldn’t have had access to the RFA app, to remain among them was odd.  He hadn’t answered Jumin’s questions, nor had he called.  All he’d done was ask Jumin to watch over the newcomer. “To what end?”  

Though generally considered distant, Jumin was not a cold man.  It seemed cruel to offer friendship and inclusion to someone while also leaving the possibility of removing all of that at a moment’s notice.  Besides, wouldn’t it be better for the RFA to hold the parties if it were determined that MC was no threat to the group or its members?  Truth be told, he had missed the excitement and the activity that came with the extravagant gatherings.  Most parties he attended left him wishing only to be left at home for days, but the RFA parties were different.  

“Then what I need to do is ensure that we do hold parties again.  If I do that, there won’t be a reason to remove MC, she will have us as friends and we will have our purpose again.”  He stepped off the treadmill and called the only person he knew who might object strongly enough to sway V against the idea.

After the third call went to voicemail, Jumin frowned.  Jaehee did not typically avoid his calls.  This was bothersome.  Not that he minded not having to hear the voice that was so tied to the office, but he needed to be certain that she was on board.

Returning to his penthouse, Jumin showered and opened the app again.  He’d been in the chat room more today than in recent months, but now he had a mission.  Now he was intent on securing MC’s position in the RFA.  

Thankfully, his assistant was in the chat, as was MC.  Before he could raise the question, Jaehee asked if he’d called earlier.  Taking the opening he asked, “I was curious if anyone was against hosting the party again.  The person most likely to be against it is Assistant Kang.”

“Why would Jaehee be against it?” MC questioned.

With a chuckle, Jumin typed, “Because she doesn’t want to work.”  

As the teasing continued, much to Jaehee’s obvious exasperation, Jumin pressed her for confirmation about the party. He laughed openly at her reason for supporting the parties though, reading her comment that his performance was best when they’d been holding parties.  While it was true he’d used the opportunities afforded to create new connections for C&R, he never exactly “gave up” on cat-related projects.  How little she knew that he had managed several deals to help his projects come to fruition thanks to the parties.

He let her keep her ideas about what he did with his time.  Thinking about the cat-related ventures reminded him, he needed to leave Elizabeth with Jaehee again.  Sadly, he needed to leave town for a business trip.  Just as he’d alerted Jaehee, his father began calling.

To MC he said, “We will talk later.” He took his father’s call quickly, relieved that he could count on Jaehee to support keeping MC in the RFA.  

Jumin and his father were fairly close, as father and son relationships went.  Though his father owned C&R, these evening calls were rarely about business. It was his father who had taught him to take time away from work in the evenings and to relax and enjoy life instead of never pausing.  Their conversation went much longer than usual, and by the time it ended, Jumin was itching for a shower.  He turned his phone off to avoid interruption for the rest of the evening and set about cleaning up and preparing for bed.  He would have broken sleep tonight, having to leave early for his trip, and needed to be sure that what sleep he could get would be restful.

As he settled in, Jumin hummed softly to himself and Elizabeth.  He was in high spirits tonight, despite the impending business trip.  Elizabeth was with him, MC was part of the RFA and he’d secured the most important ally in keeping her there.  Anyone who genuinely appreciated cats was worth keeping around.

[archiveikemen]

Mashiro Kanade Main Story — Chapter 11

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Everyone was at the Sakuragi, except Koki.

All because of the article Makoto wrote about 'Own The Night'.

We're about to hold an emergency meeting...

Gaku: ... I expected this to happen.

Gaku caught a glimpse of the latest copy of a magazine published by 'Yuzuriha' on the table.

(What?)

Haruto: You expected it... you knew there was going to be an article?

Haruto asked what he meant by that.

Gaku shook his head as he sat on the sofa.

Gaku: No.

Gaku: Keywords related to 'Own The Night' were trending in the searches on the internet.

Gaku: So I got a feeling that something like this would happen soon.

Eisuke: Well, even before this article was published, people were already interested in 'Own The Night'.

Eisuke: It's getting increasingly popular.

Eisuke smiled as if he were enjoying the situation.

Ritsu gave Gaku a slightly dissatisfied look and asked,

Ritsu: Why didn't you tell us earlier?

Gaku: Because no one asked.

Gaku answered with a straight face, and everyone sighed.

I cleared my throat anxiously.

MC: What's going to happen to 'Own The Night' now?

(The secret by-invite-only live show is now made known to the public.)

(The Music Control Bureau • Rindou... will know about it's existence.)

As I was thinking about the worst that could happen,

Kanade, who had been silent up until now, spoke quietly.

Kanade: There's no point in having negative thoughts.

Kanade: It would be faster to just ask someone who knows the situation better than we do.

The corners of Kanade's mouth lifted into a smile.

His delicate fingers flipped through the magazine to the page that contained an interview with Koki.

MC: That's...

Everyone in the room must've been thinking the same thing I was.

The door to the living room opened.

Koki: I'm home —... um, what?

Koki: You're all here.

Koki came home at the perfect timing.

Exhaling as if exhausted, he came in and sat down on the sofa.

Koki: About that...

Koki: I got mobbed the moment that article was published.

All eyes were on Koki.

Haruto was the first to speak up.

Haruto: Koki.

Haruto: Why didn't you tell us that you were interviewed by 'Yuzuriha'?

Koki: I— please calm down.

Koki didn't appear the slightest bit upset...

Haruto's questioning didn't seem to faze Koki.

He had a relaxed smile on his face.

While there was a discussion about the magazine by 'Yuzuriha' at the Sakuragi...

In the director's office at the Music Control Bureau, Meguru was sitting there in silence.

He was reading the article by 'Yuzuriha' about 'Own The Night'.

Yuzuru was standing in front of him with a smile...

Yuzuru: Now we can finally conduct an investigation with concrete evidence.

There is an internal organisation within the Music Control Bureau.

It was the Surveillance Division, mainly responsible for monitoring those who violate the Music Control Act —— their leader was Yuzuru, nickname 'raven'.

Yuzuru continued making his report as Meguru read the article in silence.

Yuzuru: The secret live show was skillfully managed to escape the regulatory laws.

Yuzuru: Side jobs alone aren't illegal, but...

Yuzuru: I never expected the members of 'F' to play in a place like that.

Meguru: ...

Meguru: 'F' performed at the secret live show?

Yuzuru: Yes. They used a different band name, but I am sure of it.

Meguru didn't respond to Yuzuru's giggly reply.

Yuzuru's voice bubbled with joy.

Yuzuru: Actually, I got tickets from a friend of mind and attended the live show.

Yuzuru: I saw with my own eyes that the rumours are true.

Meguru finally looked up from the magazine.

Meguru: ... This is the first time I'm hearing about that.

Meguru: And how did you feel about it?

Yuzuru: I was horrified.

Yuzuru narrowed his eyes.

Yuzuru: We can't let this go on.

Yuzuru: I could feel how dangerous that song was...

Yuzuru: Someday, it'll go beyond the walls of that live show venue and create a tragedy in our society.

Yuzuru: I will definitely find a way to expose them.

Yuzuru said in a low voice no one else could hear,

Yuzuru: ... We need to give them a wake up call as soon as possible.

Meguru: ...

Meguru put down the magazine on his desk and said to Yuzuru,

Meguru: I will discuss with the higher-ups regarding how to deal with 'F'.

Meguru: We can't get rid of them immediately because they're already gaining popularity overseas.

Meguru: If we take action now, it won't look good to the countries that are against the Music Control Act.

Meguru: You are to continue investigating.

Meguru: ... But know your limits.

Yuzuru: I know.

Yuzuru answered with an unmoving smile and left the director's office.

Once he was alone, Meguru looked down at the magazine on his desk again.

There was an interview with Koki...

Meguru: Let's have a look...

Meguru: At your definition of 'justice'.

At the Sakuragi, we continued talking about the article by 'Yuzuriha'.

Koki: I gave Makoto permission to publish that article.

Koki: It seemed like he was already aware of 'Own The Night'.

(What...)

Everyone's eyes widened at Koki's words.

Koki: There's nothing wrong with 'Own The Night' becoming famous because of the article.

Koki: The live show will continue to be a secret, we will not change the way we operate just because of the Music Control Act.

Koki smiled at everyone.

Koki: I cooperated with Makoto, in exchange for your identities to remain a secret.

Koki: I don't trust Makoto himself, but he seems to have kept his word.

Koki: You all don't have to worry for now. The article didn't lie, did it?

(The situation would definitely be much worse if 'F' and 'SO' were explicitly mentioned in the article.)

I looked over at Kanade...

(Koki let Makoto have the interview.)

(I wonder what Kanade thinks about that.)

Kanade's expression was calm as usual.

(... No matter what happens, will you not get upset, Kanade?)

Kanade stared at Koki in silence.

Koki's sigh echoed through the living room.

Koki: Well, I'm sure Rindou will conduct an investigation.

Koki: Try not to do anything that will draw attention for now, just lay low.

Eisuke quietly chimed in,

Eisuke: I agree.

Eisuke suddenly had a scheming look on his face...

Eisuke: Don't you think that this is a great opportunity?

Henri: What do you mean?

Eisuke's mischievous smile got everyone's attention.

Ritsu: An opportunity...

Eisuke: Music has lost it's power ever since the Music Control Act was created.

Eisuke: No one really talks about the Music Control Act anymore. But what about now?

Eisuke: This incident will act as a catalyst for the public to start discussing the existence of Rindou and the Music Control Act again.

Eisuke: This is our chance to regain the freedom to sing...

Eisuke: It's our chance to fight back against the government, against Rindou.

Eisuke: But, of course, we'll need a more powerful song.

Eisuke: ... In order to win over the hearts of the general public.

Eisuke's inciting remarks were met with an unusual response from Gaku.

Gaku: A song that can be used as a catalyst for change.

Gaku: Is that what you meant?

(... I get it now.)

Upon hearing Gaku's words, not just me, but everyone else in the room started considering it and the room went silent.

Eventually, Kyoichiro said something in disagreement to Eisuke.

Kyoichiro: I get what you're trying to say, but it's a chance we should just throw away.

Kyoichiro: Every year, countless people are arrested for violating the Music Control Act. They were never heard from again.

Kyoichiro: One wrong move and it's the end of our lives as musicians...

Eisuke: You ever heard of the term 'high risk return'?

When Kyoichiro and Eisuke started bickering, I just held my hands tightly together.

(If I were the old me, I wouldn't be understanding what they're saying.)

(But now I know the power of music.)

I recalled Kanade's performance at 'Own The Night'.

(I can see what is the risk they're talking about.)

I held onto my other arm as if I were hugging myself...

Kanade: Are you trembling?

MC: What?

When I turned my head in surprise, I saw Kanade looking at me with searching eyes.

Kanade: Is it anxiety, or... warriors fear?

MC: Um, it's...

I was indeed trembling.

(I remember Kanade asking me about my determination.)

I used to think that my song wouldn't negatively impact people.

It was then I realised that I could cause hurt with it.

== Flashback Start ==

Kanade: If you can't make up your mind, then don't get involved.

Kanade: You should've known since the beginning that all challenges come with risks.

== Flashback End ==

(Even though I knew how risky it is, I still wanted to continue writing songs.)

(There's no holding back anymore.)

I slowly let go of my arm.

(So, this trembling...)

Then I looked up at Kanade, straight into his eyes.

MC: ... It's warriors fear.

When I said it with a voice full of determination, Kanade smiled widely.

Kanade: You've got guts.

That night, I was composing in the music room.

In the end, they couldn't come to a consensus, so they decided to just go with the flow.

They'll discuss further another time about whether they want to take that risk.

(Because they have hopes and dreams they don't want to risk losing...)

Whenever I want to write a song, I think back to Kanade's words.

== Flashback Start ==

Kanade: I hope that while you're here, you'll be able to make your dream song.

Kanade: ... Before reality crushes your dreams.

== Flashback End ==

(My goal is to write my dream song...)

I played the melody I had in mind over and over again on the piano.

But every so often, my hands would stop playing and I take a deep breath.

MC: Something isn't right...

(The various melodies I played didn't go together well enough to be made into a full song.)

Eisuke's words came to my mind...

== Flashback Start ==

Eisuke: If not only 'Own The Night', but also our songs gain attention,

Eisuke: This will act as a catalyst for the public to start discussing the existence of Rindou and the Music Control Act again.

Eisuke: It's our chance to fight back against the government, against Rindou.

== Flashback End ==

(You have that kind of strength and determination.)

(But I'm sure I won't be able to write a song powerful enough to move the hearts of everyone in the world.)

I remembered the first words I heard when I came to the Sakuragi.

== Flashback Start ==

Koki: Let me just ask you. Who do you want to work with and what kind of song do you want to make?

== Flashback End ==

I didn't have the answer to Koki's question at that point of time.

I've been thinking about what kind of song will be able to shake my heart.

(A song that shakes my heart...)

When I brought my thoughts back to their starting point,

I was reminded of how SilverVine's performance made me feel.

(I felt that both my heart and soul were captivated.)

Memories of that moment gave me chills.

I rest my fingers on the piano keys again.

It was like I was beginning to see something that had been invisible to me for a long time, and I was absorbed in writing a song when...

???: Hey.

(Hm?)

I suddenly heard someone calling out to me, so I looked up.

Kanade was standing at the door of the music room.

[thebookdragonsden]

Let me be clear: I never intended to raise my brother from his grave, though he may claim otherwise. If there's anything I've learned from him in the years since, it's that the dead hide truths as well as the living. When Tea accidentally resurrects her brother from the dead, she learns she is different from the other witches in her family. Her gift for necromancy means that she's a bone witch, a title that makes her feared and ostracized by her community. But Tea finds solace and guidance with an older, wiser bone witch, who takes Tea and her brother to another land for training. In her new home, Tea puts all her energy into becoming an asha-one who can wield elemental magic. But dark forces are approaching quickly, and in the face of danger, Tea will have to overcome her obstacles...and make a powerful choice.

- Goodreads Summary

The world building doesn't hold up under any sort of halfway critical scrutiny, the characterizations are archetypes at best and missing entirely at worst, the main character is a special snowflake who experiences no real consequences for her actions, and more than half of the book is eaten up by tedious chatter about training and in depth descriptions of people's clothes.  All of this is interrupted at the start of every single chapter with jarring and often pointless returns to the present day (and a switch of 1st person POV) to remind us that hey, eventually she's going to end up reviled and want to wage war on all the other countries for REASONS but you won't care by the end of the book because 1. that present day doesn't converge with the past tense story she's telling and 2. you don't care about any of the characters or the world anyway.

Spoilers rampant under the read more...

  Look, I'm not going to lie to you guys... I should've loved this book. It was a convergence of some of the things I love most. Geisha (okay, they're not really geisha but they ARE) and necromancers (fuck yeaaaaaah!). I mean, really, I was sold on the necromancy and the pretty cover. The geisha thing took me by surprise but I was excited to see how it all came together. Unfortunately, loving the concept of a thing does not mean that the execution went well. And this did not go well. First of all, the whole story is told as a 'I know what they say about me but this is the truth of what happened' deal where the MC is telling a bard her life story. That's fine. That's cool. But every single chapter is broken up with a jarring and often repetitive and pointless "present day" blurb. It's obvious that whatever's going on in the present is being built up for plot line of a coming book but don't expect it to be the next one. These two stories don't converge by the end of this book which means you have these wonderful little blurbs to look forward to in the next book, too. Also, don't hold out hope that at least the "boy who died for her" will remain a secret until it's actually relevant to main part of the story. The story itself was so reminiscent of reading Memoirs of a Geisha that I started to wonder if perhaps I had stumbled into a fanfic with magic. Tea can do no wrong, though, so every time something happened that should've had actual consequences, instead Tea gets elevated into a better position in life. Destroy a tea house? Go from being a maid to an asha in training. Help a boy pretend to be a girl so he can show off his skills an asha because the rules are so unfair? He doesn't get to be an asha but he's also not forced to be a Deathseeker yet either. Fight that daeva even though everyone told you not to? Become a full-fledged asha. Don't go kill that daeva even though that's literally what you're supposed to do? Sneak out and do it and be lauded for it. Everything that gets built up to be some sort of conflict, gets diffused so easily it's a wonder why the author even bothered in the first place. The magic in here is minimal aside from the initial summoning of her brother, and after that, everything is focused on lengthy descriptions of hua and Tea lamenting that she's nothing more than a maid. Tea gets tricked into ruining one of her older sister's hua while pretending to be an actual asha in an incident that ruins a tea house ends in zero punishment and instead, Tea no longer has to be a maid but now gets to be trained to be an asha. Cue lengthy descriptions of hua, Tea going to various classes including dancing, music, singing (the only thing she's not good at), combat (hah, just kidding, this isn't actually as important as the rest of it), getting new hua, getting hair pins, going to parties, and absolutely nothing of any actual plot relevance. She apparently meets with the prince, whom she insta-loved with the moment she met him because of course she did, but it rarely happens on page so despite being her nominal love interest, he's actually on screen for, like, 10 pages. All you know about him is that he's soooooo handsome, his name is Kance, and... uh... and... his older brother is Khalad? And his cousin is his bodyguard, a Deathseeker named Kalen? I don't know. Who needs an interesting character when you can just say he's pretty and noble and always so understanding and nice to your MC because... his father thinks Dark asha aren't that bad? I don't even know, guys. All this leads me to my biggest problem with the world building and the execution of this book. Apparently, all of this training to be an entertainer is integral to being an asha, because it seems their primary role is schmooze with the rich and famous, and receive combat training so they can nominally fight daeva. So, Bookdragon, you say, does this mean that men learn all of the dancing and the singing and all that, too? Hah, no, no, silly. Men don't dance and wear pretty clothes and learn about politics and stuff so they can be good conversationalists for the rich and famous. The men with magic become Deathseekers. Apparently, they're the ones that actually go around fighting things so the women can continue to be pretty and go to parties and marry the rich and famous they're catering to the every entertainment need of. The book also tells you repeatedly that Dark asha, which is what Tea is, are despised and only kept around because they're integral to fighting the daeva. Now, the reason the book has to repeatedly tell you this is because literally no one Tea interacts with outside of the very beginning of the book, treat her as anything less than a wonderful snowflake... except Zoya and Zoya's cronies, because we always need someone to the jealous, petty girl who treats the MC like crap for something the MC didn't do, and the maid, Farhi, who belongs to a Muslim culture that hates all asha but she works in an asha house, so she just literally never talks and the author doesn't have to actually care about giving her a personality. It's fantasy so it's not Islamophobic, right? Tea's barely trained on how to be a Dark asha, despite the book harping constantly about how's she one of only ones left and the other one will literally die if she keeps doing what she's supposed to be doing, and she's never allowed to actually fight the daeva. She has to rebel to do it. And also, despite her lack of training, because she's the specialest of all special, she's capable of not only taking over daeva and making them her familiars, but also of kicking other, far more trained Dark magic users out of command and creating special mental links with them and so on and so forth. Maybe Mykaela actually was teaching her and that was just another thing that was discarded from any actual mention or page time so that more hua could be described? I read the book all the way through because I was actually curious to see how it got to the present day blurbs but I was extremely dissatisfied with the fact that the two timelines did not converge and honestly, the book didn't have enough substance for me to even want to consider continuing.  I just genuinely do not care. 

TL;DR-

Characters: Shallow at best.  The most interesting characters were the ones you saw the least. Plot: A lengthy slog through tedious descriptions that feels a lot like a Memoirs of the Geisha fanfic with lowkey magical elements. Writing: Overly detailed with a lot of telling instead of showing. Overall: A generous two stars because I actually finished the book and didn’t actively feel like throwing it at the wall, but that’s the best I could actually say about it.

[promiscuous-jalapeno]

☼ V Route Review ☼

I have had so many messages asking for my input on the route and the characters, so here it is!!! (p.s. I made that gif^^^^ I’m pretty impressed with myself ?? wow lmao) 

Heavy on spoilers so the text is under a cut! It’s also pretty lengthy so...you’ve been warned haha. 

This route had me feeling different ways as I moved through the days. I’ll try to touch on as many subjects as I can, and I am not sure how lengthy this will be getting. Some themes/aspects I both liked and disliked for different reasons. It is in my nature to debate myself and see both sides to things, so if you see me basically contradicting myself or arguing with a point I made previously, that is why. 

I am basing this on the Good End play-through alone, as that makes the most sense.

 I’d also like to state that, of course, these are all my personal opinion. If you disagree with anything in my review then that’s great! But on the contrary, you will not find me fighting you over opinions. If you come into my box to attack me over what I have to say about the route, I will simply ignore. I’m really sorry I have to say this, but as I have unfortunately already seen several...distasteful arguments over this route, I feel it needs to be said. I think everyones opinions are valid and this is by no means me trying to force my opinions or tell you that what you feel and think is wrong! It’s just my analysis^^ 

------------------

I’d like to preface this by saying that I did have fun and enjoyed the route for entertainment purposes. We got to see more of those minor characters we have been craving (i.e. Saeran, Rika, and even Vanderwood!)  

I think I am not alone in my wanting to see more of Mint Eye and the interactions between Saeran and Rika (as well as V, of course). I am so glad this route focused a lot on that aspect. Before the route was released, I thought it would make the most sense to approach it from MC being involved with Mint Eye more in order to get closer to V and/or Saeran, and after playing it I still believe they made a smart choice! 

The beginning of the route was everything I wanted. We had plenty of Saeran, we had our set-up. Game testers in an unknown place. I had stated this before but I honestly loved this premise so much more than “wow you’re now in some random apartment and btw you can’t leave.”  They kept it otome fanciful while making it a bit more believable, I was really happy with that. And when I first saw V in his Mint Eye garb my heart dropped! I especially love the CG where Saeran is behind him with the flowers! 

I’m kind of a sucker for story lines where you’re a captive and someone rescues you, so I was so so happy with the plot for this route. Not to mention being in the middle of not TWO people, but THREE. I was not expecting Rika to be so infatuated with MC as well. That threw me for a loop, and hats off to Cheritz for that because I was digging it lolol. 

I adored learning about V’s mother. That was something I hadn’t expected, and I am just so happy that we got to see what we did. The CG’s were so heartwarming, and the diary entries and thoughts were just beautiful. I loved seeing V progress in his relationship with his mother, and how her love for him helped him be who he truly was. For once, it was nice to see a parent in this game really nurture their kid and help them grow. 

Lastly, I would like to add that I was completely pleased with the timeline of this route, simply for Saeran. I was so curious what he was like during the formation of Mint Eye. I loved seeing this glimpse of ‘Ray’ since this takes place a mere 6 months ? after Rika’s “death” so it is still very fresh. Mint Eye is very new. The building isn’t even completed yet--

The basement....yikes. Yes, the last and most important detail to any good, well functioning cult hideout--the creepy dungeon-esque torture chambers complete with jail cells and the happy shrieks of pain excitement from loyal followers. 

MC is kinda joining this clusterfuck in its heyday. We are seeing these characters before they are too far gone. They’re figuring things out, Saeran is still mostly his kind and calm self, Rika is still questioning very much her relationship with V and the RFA, as well as her inner demon. I think it was an integral part of the story and a very smart placement for this route. 

Overall, there were plenty of things I enjoyed and also things that bugged me. I think Cheritz did a very good job, all things considered. But the Good Ending left me feeling...more dissatisfied than I had hoped. 

As I drew nearer to the ending, I got the overall feeling of a kid watching your parents argue. A lot of the interactions as the days rolled on were quite repetitive and honestly I found myself getting bored reading them. They filled up the days with an onslaught of chats and VN’s featuring Rika talking about loving her demons--we GET IT. YOU LIKE BEING EVIL-- V being a wet blanket and a masochist, and lots and LOTS AND LOTS of talking about the Sun. To the point that most of the language and poetic descriptions of love and suns just started to mesh together, seeming fake deep and overworked and mundane. 

 Instead of these repetitive chats, we should have had more interactions with V, where he actually relies on MC and they learn more about each other. Most of the time MC was with V he was either SICK or hurt or...asleep. Or weirdly sitting in Saeyoung’s car outside for no apparent reason. Why? It almost seems lazy. Like they couldn’t figure out a way for V and MC to interact and bond more (or it was just too difficult to squeeze it in) so they kept find reasons to keep them apart. I felt the text messages from V were the most he really tried to communicate with MC and really learn about her. Most of the texts were philosophical back and forth or him asking her how he should deal with feelings like apprehension in art when faced with criticism etc. 

I think we could have scrapped quite a few of the lovey-dovey VNs where Rika and V are proclaiming their undying dark love over and over again or like...in bed together (groan)...and replaced it with, I don’t know, maybe MC and V? Actually learning about each other????

It didn’t bother me so much during the route that V had a hard time confessing that he had feelings for MC. That part seemed very natural. What bothered me was just the complete lack of true interaction with V. If he was so obsessed with Rika, we would really need to see just why he fell for MC. I’m not satisfied with the answer that MC is naive, or that she’s so good and pure just because she didn’t form an evil cult. 

I felt more romance from Rika than I did from V. And in the other routes, we ALWAYS help the characters overcome their fears and learn to be better people. We help Zen get in touch with his family again, and we love him for his heart not his looks. We help Jumin overcome his issues with women and possession. We help Jaehee finally go for her dreams. We help Yoosung learn to work through grief and become mature. And Saeyoung of course, we help him accept love, and finally search for his brother. This didn’t happen with V. Well, it did a little bit. I liked that MC wasn’t pushy, and she encouraged him that he could find true love! I liked that part a lot. But for the majority, I just felt more like a passive observer in the route. Talking to V seemed like you were talking to a brick wall at times, and no matter what you say he still wants to sacrifice himself. So it felt like, while we said kind and encouraging words, V sort of did his own thing until he figured it out himself. 

 Not to mention the fact that they gave him an out in the end. Why was it Yoosung who makes Rika face what she has done? Don’t get me wrong, it was still wonderful to see Yoosung taking charge and using his familial love to push her to get the help she needs! I was so happy! But... It should have been V. Everything got tidied up for him, and apart from telling her it’s over, I didn’t see much development of his character towards the ending. I wanted to see him go from refusing medical treatment in order to protect Rika, to finally realizing what she is doing is wrong, she needs help, and having her face the authorities. 

And what about Saeran??? That was handled so oddly? It’s like everyone forgot he existed or didn’t care what happened to him? It was the weirdest from V. It left a sour taste in my mouth that they made it seem like Saeran died and yet V is off getting puka shell necklaces or whatever for 2 years and then comes back with the strength to love. Like, that’s all well and good but....did you forget about Saeran? And how are you going to tell Saeyoung his brother is dead now even though the only thing he asked of you was to keep Saeran safe. 

I TRULY HOPE they touch on this in the after ending, because I don’t think it was like V at all to just toss Saeran aside like that. -_-;; 

I loved the route for what it was. I’m playing it again, and I’ll continue to play for the different endings. I am so grateful to Cheritz for this content and for being gracious enough to give us a route for V! Some days had me on the edge of my seat, some parts had me laughing or made my heart ache completely. I probably sound really nitpicky with some of the above text lol but in all honesty I loved the route and had a ton of fun playing it. The music was brilliant! The CGs were beautiful, I really love whoever the artist(s) was that worked on these for the route. Playing this game again was a bit surreal, and I found myself filled with memories of when I first downloaded and played the game (obsessively). I think the route was worth the wait.

-ON SAERAN-

I think it goes without saying but I will say it anyway--I LOVED SEEING MORE SAERAN!!! Going into this route, I had the lowest of hopes for Saeran interaction. It’s better to have low expectations and then be thrilled instead of high expectations and disappointed, right? We got to learn so much about his character, just from the few interactions we had with him. His confirmation of loving ice cream, he enjoys being outdoors, he loves flowers and has even gone so far as to know the language of flowers (which is impressive), he has an intense need for validation and love, and finally, due to his extreme circumstances--he has compartmentalized his feelings and personalities in order to protect himself. 

Learning his softer side was a shock as well as a pleasant surprise. I felt my heart warming up as I chat with him.  

On top of that, I would also like to point out that since this takes place over a year (?) prior to the regular routes...it was heartbreaking and eye opening to see how often he was taking medicine/drugs. 

Saeran turned into unknown when he drank the elixir (as the majority of what he took “with each meal” was just painkillers). It was so sad to see just how loaded up with drugs he was. And it gives you a scary comparison between ‘Ray’ in this route and the Unknown we know from the original game. I can’t imagine just how many things he is taking during the original. Wow. I just kept clinging to the memory that we save him in Saeyoung’s route lol. 

-ON RIKA-

I loved learning about Rika’s backstory. We did learn a bit from the normal routes and secret endings, but I think it helped to get a glimpse into her own perspective of her life. I think it was also really important, this feeling that she hadn’t even disclosed this information (her school life/some of her childhood and feelings about her darkness) to even V himself. She really opened up to MC, apparently more than anyone else, EVER. This was strange to me at first...but I think it is a positive. I felt that she was just so desperate for someone to be close to her again, and she latched on to MC. 

Her character is so interesting and I know she’s a topic of such controversy in the fandom, but I liked hearing her thoughts on why she did what she did. It’s something I wanted since I finished the secret endings. I hope in this unreleased after ending we might see her making progress in treatment.

--------------

So those are my thoughts. I could probably keep going but I think I’ve said enough to convey the key points! Kudos if you read all of that haha! 

-Jalapeño 

[oh-my-otome]

1. Can you please explain what happened to Shingen's father in slbp? The route was emotionally too much for me so I zoomed by it without comprehending anything. 2. Do you think that any of the relationships with MC are unhealthy or not the best for certain characters? Can you please consider MC and side characters who had events? :) Thank you!

Hello, Precious!

Shingen banishes his father, after the mismanagement of the clan, and takes it over, himself.

From Episode 9 Light and Shadow:

The warm summer wind catches the sleeves of all who stand atop the cliffs of Kai. There are now Kansuke…and another man, with brilliant red hair, looking down upon the palace.

There at Tsutsujigasaki, surely they must be preparing a grand feast for their arrival. For his arrival, for the arrival of the Lord who will stand at the head of their new Clan.

Shingen: “…I have to be strong enough to bind the hearts of men.”

He is so young, the tips of his hair barely sweeping the back of his shoulders. The burden those shoulders must bear is so great that Kansuke can say nothing.

Lord Takeda Nobutora should have been the one to unify Kai under his famous leadership. But, in the end, the only unification he was able to accomplish was that of his enemies, his power broken by the betrayals of his men.

Shingen: “If I am not…then my betrayal of my father will have meant nothing.”

His amber eyes look out at the great, green mountains while he speaks, if only to himself.

On this day, no one knows that though his hair will grow and his shoulders will take on those burdens well…

…the shadows of a fearsome illness already looms over him, an illness that will break him and make a mockery of strength itself.

Kansuke: “…Then I shall support you, Harunobu, as sure as your shadow.”

When Kansuke finally does speak…the man turns around at last, a wild determination flashing in his eyes.

Yet another thing that Shingen and Nobunaga have in common: fathers betrayed by their own men, brothers who tried to snuff them out, and having to take over the clan.

When it comes to the relationships being unhealthy, everyone’s standard of tolerance will be different.

Let’s quickly look at some negative behaviors that they display in a relationship, and you can decide for yourself!

Nobunaga

Repeatedly jokes that he will have his way with her even if others are watching

Resorts to sulking

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Throws things

Impulsive

Bouts of anger in front of MC, but not necessarily directed at her

Indirect about feelings

Nobunaga’s anger is a force to be reckoned with, and he sometimes makes his MC uncomfortable

Mitsuhide

Works himself to the bone, causing his MC to feel lonely

Loves his MC to the tips of his toes, but is slow to realize that his devotion to his liege lord weakens his displays of loyalty to his beloved– such as when he continuously goes to bed without her, leaving her sitting up waiting for him time after time

Yukimura

Impulsive

Dense

Stubborn

Yukimura sometimes plows ahead without considering the needs or feelings of others, particularly when he’s worked up in some way. He is headstrong in insisting that his way is right

Nobuyuki

Level 99 yandere

has other people keep tabs on MC, to keep her from leaving

Tricked MC into thinking that they had sex, that she may be pregnant, and that she should marry him to stave off the “shame”

Manipulative

Secretive

Saizō

Pulls away emotionally

Affection sometimes needs to be guessed at, because his assumption is that he is implying it, but MC cannot read his mind

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Indirect about feelings

Saizō is away for days at a time on missions, and even when he returns, he is sometimes unavailable in a capacity beyond physically being present

Hotaru

Comes on too hard

Clueless

Figures out how to talk without using his power, promptly makes sure to use highly useful hack as infrequently as humanely possible

The way that Hotaru behaves, when in love, makes it seem as if there is nothing special about his MC at all, and that he may have felt similar attraction if another female had simply showed up, before she had. He is written as if he has latched on to the first woman he sees, that has no blood relation to his family

Kotarō

Comes on too hard

Stubborn

Clueless

Single-minded

Similar to Hotaru, Kotarō attaches himself to the first non-related woman who shows him any type of affection. He throws himself in her path as often as he dares, and he loves her enough that she is the only cure for his migraines, even though they just met

Masamune

Passive-agressive

mild yandere

Gives up easily

Lacks self-esteem

Masamune is continuously wishy-washy at times, instantly doubting his MCs feelings the minute that something blatantly forged (by his uncle or Yoshihime) shows up. Then he oscillates at a breakneck speed to apologize for his doubt, two seconds later

Kojuro

couldn’t think of anything off the tip of my brain

Shigezane

Depressed, but not ready to be open about it

Promotes an atmosphere of secrecy surrounding said depression

Shigezane drops his MC into a world where she has to guess at what is underneath his ever-present smile, and into a place where everyone knows except for her

Hideyoshi

Situational episodes of PTSD, won’t talk about it

Got into relationship with MC by undermining a promise made between himself and her best friend

Knows that her best friend is about to make his move, and goes in for the kill before he can, in an effort to cut off what she may feel for her friend, and re-focus her attention on himself

Toshiie

Unchecked control of his actions, while intoxicated, leads him to kiss and grope at his MC, before he snaps out of it

Couldn’t see past his own guilt and shame to not hurt her further

Never told her the truth about his background– she finds it out from other sources

Reckless

Impulsive

Falls into drunken stupors

Sometimes thinks he knows her feelings and sexual urges better than she does

Realizes too late that one night of drinking away his sorrows is a force strong enough to crumple a life-long friendship and tries to fix it in the worst way possible, unintentionally making her feel as if she had some hand in his own bad decision

Ieyasu (main route)

Impulsive

Agrees to a dangerous promise between himself and his MC, made when neither one of them was thinking clearly

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Indirect about feelings

Trapped in a cycle of bowing to the whims of his own retainers, until MC comes along

Realizes that he is dissatisfied with his previous life, but unable to bridge the gap between that and how he feels, and what he really wants. In a fit of anger, upholds his part of a deal, only to immediately regret it, and spends the rest of his time trying to make up for it

Ieyasu (event route)

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Insensitive

Callous

Bouts of PTSD-induced rage

Toramatsu

Manipulative

Reacts to not being able to have what he wants by manipulating both sides so that he can have the illusion of actually achieving it

Tadakatsu

Affections only last as long as he gets what he wants

If he doesn’t get it, he sulks until he does

Mitsunari

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Secretive about past

Flashes of anger

Stubbornly refuses support

Almost always thinks that he knows what is best

Cult-like levels of devotion to his lord

Indirect about feelings

Mitsunari’s upbringing makes it difficult for him to face his feelings, and even harder for him to express them

Kenshin

High level yandere

Suicidal

Secretive

Manipulative

Kenshin’s refusal in caring for himself sometimes leaves him lacking the understanding required to care for the emotional needs of others

Kageie

Highly observant, but gives no explanation for what he says, how he feels, or how he knows what he does

Indifferent

Kageie is an aloof individual who often skips the conversation part of interacting with others, and goes in for the kill. He’s not wrong in his assessment of reading people’s feelings, but needlessly creates confusion, when all he had to do was express himself verbally

Shingen

Secretive

Stubborn

Bouts of anger in front of MC, but not necessarily directed at her

Sometimes thinks he knows MC’s feelings and sexual urges better than she does

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

lmao i started rambling so more under cut

first of all, their personality. vaan is surprisingly far more serious and brooding than i thought, most of his silly moments come from genuine naivity and is a boy interested in learning the world; tidus is a much more happy and open guy, rarely shuts up and is often deadset of showing off the best of him and make people laugh, even if deep down hes way more dissatisfied and sad than hed like to show, and isn’t exactly the curious type.

but that’s... another thing i noticed. i saw a lot of ppl having vaan as their main complaint for ffxii, and i personally partially understand why. he’s a good character in my opinion, but isn’t a good protagonist at all. i still stand by the fact that i do like him and that ffxii is one of those rare final fantasies in which every single main character could be the protagonist, but compared to others he’s the one who feels less “active”.  he’s the one who starts the plot by stealing the negacite nigicite crystal, of course, but the plot revolves mostly around balthier and ashe, making him kind of... too much.

tidus, on the other hand, is the second best choice for a main character in ffx, second just to yuna (btw i still believe that yuna and auron would’ve been much better mcs for ffx, but i digress). he’s the one who doesn’t know about ffx, the one who actively starts questioning spira’s rules, and his relationship with jecht helps dealing with the main antagonist of the story, too him being an outsider gives an excuse to the player to get exposition, we slowly discover spira through the eyes of an outsider, and him being so connected with zanarkand, one of the main towns that started the whole problem with sin, makes everything even more important

but... he’s not a good character at least, not from a certain point

i won’t deny that he made me cry a lot many many times, but it always felt like it was a little rushed to me? jecht was still an absent and lowkey toxic parent and yet tidus forgives him right away after the few hours of the game, and tidus’ story after the wedding seems focused 400% on only yuna, leaving every other character interaction (with the exception of a little bit of rikku and auron here and there) behind. personally im not a big fan of the “tidus is a dream” plot twist either, since it feels like the game takes yuna’s big sacrifice and shoves it in tidus’ story instead - and the fact that he seems to have his entire focus on yuna and nobody else feels kinda. meh. his friendship with wakka seems to be left behind after the blitzball match, his good friendship with lulu is ignored after the wedding, he has decent interactions with khimari here and there but. they didn’t feel Enough to me. compared to vaan, he has pretty decent interactions with anyone. so far the plot of him being angry at basch kinda faded away, but he’s close to penelo in a somewhat bittersweet way, he’s being a good friend with balthier and is one of the few ppl in the party who seems to get pretty close to ashe.

even thinking about another very good ff protagonist that is very focused on his main girl like zidane, he has very good interactions with the rest of the party too. he’s protective with vivi and eiko, his character growth and understanding of steiner and amarant’s character is sweet and even if freya and quina are left a little bit on the sideliens he’s still clearly freya’s friend and still tries to not get too angry with quina

i... don’t know. i don’t feel the same with tidus i can't even see the growth he goes through that everyone praises, because he never really felt egoistic and his egocentrism doesn’t really disappear by the end of the game (which isnt a bad thing, mind you, i love myself some ego boost character), but his arc felt more like “i started by wanting to go home, and now i just want to protect yuna and thats it”

TL;DR: vaan is a bad protagonist but a good character, tidus is a meh character but a good protagonist

vaan is tidus' opposite

ask me why but only if youre ready for another ffx hot take

[comebeforegod]

Christian Views on Marriage: No Longer Comparing With Others, She Has a Happy Marriage

By Zhang Jun

One morning, a ray of sunshine shined into the house and painted the floor a golden color. Qianhui opened her eyes and stretched, but just as she was about to get out of bed, the phone rang. She picked up and heard her friend Lili on the other end of the line. “Qianhui, I’m getting married next Sunday, you have to come! …”

When she heard the good news of her friend’s marriage, Qianhui was happy for her. She thought, “So many people tried to introduce a boyfriend for Lili, and all the men’s families had good backgrounds, but she was never satisfied. Now she’s getting married, so her husband’s family must be very well off.”

On the day of Lili’s wedding, Qianhui woke up early to get dressed and do her makeup. She arrived at Lili’s house around 10, and when she walked in the door, she was shocked at the new house she saw, its wide living room, beautiful decoration, and fashionable, luxurious furniture…. The house could only be described as “magnificent.” The seed of admiration was planted in her heart: No wonder Lili got married! Her husband must be incredibly rich!

Then, when Qianhui arrived at the wedding, she was even more shocked by the luxury on display: The wedding was held at a star-ranked hotel, the MC was the most famous host in the area, and all the cars in the procession were each brand’s most high-end models. As she took in what was before her, Qianhui was both envious and jealous. She couldn’t help but sigh and think, “In school, in both grades and looks, I was superior to Lili, but now, I’m lagging in every respect. Never mind the grandeur of the wedding, even the house I’ve lived in for years is still just a common bungalow. I could work all my life and still never live a life as luxurious as Lili’s.” Qianhui felt very lost, and she began to regret having simple standards when she first started looking for a boyfriend. She had only asked that her future partner be honest and that they be able to live a happy life together in the future, resulting in a careless search which produced a husband without the ability to earn money. If she could do it all over again, she thought, she would find a rich man with a house and a car. Well, it’s too late for that now. Qianhui shook her head helplessly. To keep herself from being immersed in sense of loss, she chatted with a few friends she hadn’t seen for a long time. But her friends were also showing off about their husbands’ work, income, family houses, cars…. Compared to her friends, Qianhui felt that she had nothing worth showing off. Qianhui’s self-esteem was seriously frustrated, and her mood fell. She couldn’t sit still anymore, so she simply ate and left in a hurry.

When she got home, scenes of what she saw at the wedding floated through Qianhui’s mind. All her friends seemed to be doing better than she was. She didn’t have much money, didn’t have a car, and didn’t even have a condo unit in an apartment building, never mind the trappings of a luxurious life. The more she thought, the more aggrieved she felt. She thought she felt so lost now because her husband was incompetent. If her husband came from a family that was better off, or if he could make a lot of money, then wouldn’t she also have a house and a car, and a petty bourgeoisie lifestyle, and show off in front of her friends? The thought made everything she saw at home ugly to her, especially her husband’s clumsy honesty, weakness, and incompetence, which became infuriating to her. Whenever her husband did something that was the slightest bit displeasing, she found an excuse to lose her temper with him as a way to vent her dissatisfaction. Every time her husband saw Qianhui unhappy, he would try to comfort her. Although Qianhui knew her husband treated her well and let her have her way in everything, she always felt humiliated. She didn’t want to live such an ordinary life, where an escape from poverty seemed impossible. And so, her originally harmonious and comfortable family life was now spent quarreling. Gradually, Qianhui felt that her husband had changed. In the past, he came back from work and helped her with housework as he talked to her, but now he was cold to her. He started playing games on his phone whenever he had nothing to do, and he barely talked to her. His strange behavior made Qianhui even more frustrated. She thought, “It was humiliating enough to marry you, and now you treat me like this. I really can’t live like this!” The more she thought about it, the more aggrieved and miserable she felt. She didn’t know how to go on.

Later, Qianhui accepted God’s last days’ gospel. She often went to meetings with her brothers and sisters to read the words of God. As she interacted with her brothers and sisters, she saw that everyone was very honest and kind. If anyone had difficulties or was confused, they could discuss things openly together and seek truth in God’s words. There was no superiority or inferiority between them, no one looked down on anyone else, and everyone helped, supported, and supplied each other. Everyone pursued the truth according to God’s words and thereby lived out a human likeness. Qianhui was taken in by this atmosphere, and began to feel an ease and happiness she had never felt before.

Later, Qianhui read these words of God, “One encounters many people in one’s life, but no one knows who will become one’s partner in marriage. Though everyone has their own ideas and personal stances on the subject of marriage, no one can foresee who will finally become their true other half, and one’s own notions count for little. After meeting a person you like, you can pursue that person; but whether he or she is interested in you, whether he or she is able to become your partner, is not yours to decide. The object of your affections is not necessarily the person with whom you will be able to share your life; and meanwhile someone you never expected quietly enters your life and becomes your partner, becomes the most important element in your fate, your other half, to whom your fate is inextricably bound. And so, though there are millions of marriages in the world, every one is different: How many marriages are unsatisfactory, how many are happy; how many span East and West, how many North and South; how many are perfect matches, how many are of equal rank; how many are happy and harmonious, how many painful and sorrowful; how many are the envy of others, how many are misunderstood and frowned upon; how many are full of joy, how many are awash of tears and cause despair…. In these myriad marriages, humans reveal loyalty and lifelong commitment toward marriage, or love, attachment, and inseparability, or resignation and incomprehension, or betrayal of it, even hatred. Whether marriage itself brings happiness or pain, everyone’s mission in marriage is predestined by the Creator and will not change; everyone must fulfill it. And the individual fate that lies behind every marriage is unchanging; it was determined long in advance by the Creator” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). After seeing God’s words, Qianhui had a sudden realization. She understood that people’s marriages are predestined by God. There are many people who want to be with someone they love, but somehow or another, they end up marrying someone else, and this is a matter in which they have no choice. Now, Qianhui realized that she met, got to know, and lived with her husband because this was God’s arrangement for her fate. But, when people don’t understand God’s mastery and don’t obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, they have their own requirements for marriage, as well as their own preferences and pursuits. Some people like handsome, elegant, or beautiful looks, some like partners who have a way with words and who can care for them, others still like competent, powerful, financially successful partners, and so on. When our partners don’t meet our requirements, we live amidst our grievances, give them the cold shoulder, or get angry, fight, and even divorce them, causing ourselves and our families to live in pain. Qianhui realized that because she didn’t understand or obey God’s mastery, she always felt that her husband was incompetent, disliked and degraded him, causing her to live in misery, and showed him nothing but a depressed expression every day, pushing their relationship farther and farther apart. Qianhui didn’t want to live so painfully, so she prayed to God to express her desire to accept and obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, to be no longer dissatisfied with her own life, to no longer complain about her husband’s incompetence, to get along peacefully with her husband, and to live happily.

After that, Qianhui’s attitude toward her husband improved. When something was unsatisfactory in her life, she was not as unreasonable as she used to be, and she no longer nagged and complained to her husband. Instead, she believed that this was God’s arrangement, and she was willing to obey, let God lead and guide her, and learn to live in harmony with her husband. Her husband saw the change in Qianhui, and his attitude toward her also improved.

One day, as Qianhui returned to her parents’ house, her neighbor asked her, “I haven’t seen you for a few years. Do you still live in the same bungalow as when you got married? Have you bought a condominium unit yet?” Qianhui’s heart lurched. She felt embarrassed, and said with a reluctant laugh, “Not yet.” The neighbor said, “These days young people all want to live in condominiums. They’re clean, comfortable, and pleasant.” Qianhui avoided her neighbor’s eyes and made up an excuse, “My father-in-law’s feet aren’t well, so it’s hard for him to go upstairs. I think bungalows are just fine. Maybe I’ll buy a condominium unit in the future.” After her neighbor left, Qianhui couldn’t help but think regretfully, “Where would I ever get the money for a condominium?” Unconsciously, Qianhui began to blame her husband for his embarrassing incompetence. In her suffering, Qianhui went before God and prayed, “God, although I know my marriage was predestined by You, when I see others doing better than me, I still have complaints in my heart, and I feel that my husband can’t give me the happy life I want. I don’t know how to escape this pain, so please lead and guide me.”

One day, Qianhui read these words from “God Himself, the Unique VI”: “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? You cannot see these trends with the naked eye. When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.” “In this way, man becomes more and more evil, arrogant, condescending, selfish, and malicious. There is no longer any affection between people, no longer any love between family members, no longer any understanding between relatives and friends; human relations have become full of violence.”

From God’s words, Qianhui understood that all the misery occurs because mankind is corrupted by Satan and pursues evil worldly trends. In this evil society, people are inundated and influenced by evil ideas such as “Money is first,” “Money isn’t everything, but without it, you can do nothing,” “People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward,” and “As a tree lives for its bark, a man lives for his face,” everyone worships money and material enjoyment, pursues wearing name brands, eating expensive delicacies, living in foreign-style villas, driving luxury cars, and living a life of quality to gain the capital to climb the social ladder and show off. Whoever has money and enjoys the most pleasures is a cut above other people, his words carry weight, and everyone admires and tries to associate with him, while those without talent or skills are seen as inferior to others. Inundated with these mistaken and absurd views, people become more and more superficial, vain, selfish, and greedy, they entirely lose their humanity, reason, and conscience, to the point where when choosing their marriage partner, some people demand partners that come from a good family background or have the ability to make large amounts of money so that they can live a wealthy lifestyle that makes others look up to them, as well as promote such absurd theories as “Wealthy husbands make honorable wives” and “It’s better to marry well than study well,” completely twisting the idea of marriage. The truth is that marriage is meant to be two people who sincerely love each other and share one will establishing a family. It requires both partners to take up burdens and responsibility, respect, help, and love one another, and maintain a happy life. But thanks to the influence of these evil trends, people add too many conditions to marriage, and the relationship between husband and wife becomes impure and full of exchange and dealing. People marry whoever has money or power, and if one party can satisfy the demands of the other’s material desires or vanity, then the marriage can be grudgingly maintained, otherwise the two partners will despise and harm each other, and even separate. The divorce and remarriage rates in society are rising, and it’s already common to hear about men with mistresses and women with rich sponsors. Isn’t all this due to people living by such mistaken thoughts and notions? When she realized this, Qianhui saw that she had also been tempted and harmed by these evil trends. Before she went to her old classmate’s wedding, her life with her husband was stable and calm, but when she saw that her friends all had cars and condominiums, that they were all more wealthy than her, she felt that she was inferior, and that she couldn’t raise her head among them. When her husband couldn’t satisfy her desires, she regarded him as vulgar and incompetent and harbored grievances against him every day, not only making herself miserable, but also causing her husband endless pain. Their relationship had become more and more distant, and their home had lost the harmony and comfort of the past.

Qianhui thought of how she had treated her husband and felt deeply sorry, and at the same time felt that the lifestyle she pursued to satisfy her vanity was mistaken, a means used by Satan to cause her to suffer. If not for the guidance she found in God’s word, Qianhui would always compare herself to her friends and blame her husband when she didn’t surpass them, and thereby live in pain as she was tormented by Satan, or even suffer a breakdown of her marriage. Qianhui realized that many of her friends, although married to rich people and able to enjoy a luxurious life, only had the appearance of a bright and beautiful life, and in reality weren’t happy at all. Some of their husbands had affairs, mistresses, and played around while ignoring their wives, not caring about them at all. Others had no status and dignity at home, and were as low as servants, not respected by their husbands and their families. Some had husbands with incompatible tempers and personalities, there were no true feelings between them, and they often argued, and fought. There were still other examples. Their vanity was satisfied, but behind it was endless bitterness and helplessness. Could such a life be called happiness? Qianhui shook her head. This isn’t what she wanted. Once she understood this, she was willing to let go of these vain things in her heart and be reconciled with her husband.

Later, Qianhui read another passage of God’s words, “There is a simplest way to free oneself from this state: to bid farewell to one’s former way of living, to say goodbye to one’s previous goals in life, to summarize and analyze one’s previous lifestyle, philosophy, pursuits, desires, and ideals, and then to compare them with God’s will and demands for man, and see whether any of them is consistent with God’s will and demands, whether any of them delivers the right values of life, leads one to a greater understanding of the truth, and allows one to live with humanity and human likeness. When you repeatedly investigate and carefully dissect the various goals of life that people pursue and their various different ways of living, you will find that not one of them fits the Creator’s original intention when He created humanity. All of them draw people away from the Creator’s sovereignty and care; they are all pits into which humanity falls, and which lead them to hell. After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you, try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to have no choice, and to become a person who worships God” (“God Himself, the Unique III”).

After she read God’s words, Qianhui couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with complex emotions, “In the past I pursued a lifestyle based on goals I desired that were inspired by Satan, and it was so painful. When I lacked the truth, I could only be toyed with by Satan, and I wasted my life on pointless pursuits.” Only then did she wake up, decide to let go of her mistaken views on life and values, and no longer follow evil trends and pursue a high quality material life. Instead, she wanted to obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, treat her husband correctly, and be content with having sufficient food and clothing. As she weighed these things, Qianhui thought that although her husband didn’t have much money, couldn’t give her a luxurious material life, and couldn’t satisfy her vanity, he was practical, reliable, and predictable, considered things thoroughly, and had genuine feelings for her. Even when she behaved unreasonably, her husband tolerated her and let her have her way, and most importantly, her husband didn’t object to her belief in God. Compared to a superior material life, she was happiest to find a man who could care for her, so Qianhui felt that the marriage God had arranged for her was the best. If she had found a rich husband and lived a wealthy life, her life would probably have been filled with food, drink, and play, and she might not have had the opportunity to come to God, hear the Creator’s voice, and understand so many mysteries of truth, nor would she have discernment of how Satan corrupts mankind or evil trends. Qianhui finally understood that no matter how rich or poor, having a suitable environment to believe in God, worship God, pursue the truth, and fulfill the duties of a created being to repay God’s love is the only way to gain true happiness.

Once she understood these things, there was a major change in her attitude toward her husband. She no longer complained about her husband’s incompetence, and she had much more care and understanding for him. Gradually, she began to communicate more and more with him. Her husband was delighted by the change in her. He always greeted her with a smile, and their home became much more harmonious and comfortable. Qianhui was very grateful to God for His salvation and guidance. Her only desire now was to practice according to God’s words in her life, strive with all her strength to pursue the truth, and fulfill her duties, because this is the most correct path in life. Thanks be to God!

[love-god-forever]

Christian Views on Marriage: No Longer Comparing With Others, She Has a Happy Marriage

By Zhang Jun

One morning, a ray of sunshine shined into the house and painted the floor a golden color. Qianhui opened her eyes and stretched, but just as she was about to get out of bed, the phone rang. She picked up and heard her friend Lili on the other end of the line. “Qianhui, I’m getting married next Sunday, you have to come! …”

When she heard the good news of her friend’s marriage, Qianhui was happy for her. She thought, “So many people tried to introduce a boyfriend for Lili, and all the men’s families had good backgrounds, but she was never satisfied. Now she’s getting married, so her husband’s family must be very well off.”

On the day of Lili’s wedding, Qianhui woke up early to get dressed and do her makeup. She arrived at Lili’s house around 10, and when she walked in the door, she was shocked at the new house she saw, its wide living room, beautiful decoration, and fashionable, luxurious furniture…. The house could only be described as “magnificent.” The seed of admiration was planted in her heart: No wonder Lili got married! Her husband must be incredibly rich!

Then, when Qianhui arrived at the wedding, she was even more shocked by the luxury on display: The wedding was held at a star-ranked hotel, the MC was the most famous host in the area, and all the cars in the procession were each brand’s most high-end models. As she took in what was before her, Qianhui was both envious and jealous. She couldn’t help but sigh and think, “In school, in both grades and looks, I was superior to Lili, but now, I’m lagging in every respect. Never mind the grandeur of the wedding, even the house I’ve lived in for years is still just a common bungalow. I could work all my life and still never live a life as luxurious as Lili’s.” Qianhui felt very lost, and she began to regret having simple standards when she first started looking for a boyfriend. She had only asked that her future partner be honest and that they be able to live a happy life together in the future, resulting in a careless search which produced a husband without the ability to earn money. If she could do it all over again, she thought, she would find a rich man with a house and a car. Well, it’s too late for that now. Qianhui shook her head helplessly. To keep herself from being immersed in sense of loss, she chatted with a few friends she hadn’t seen for a long time. But her friends were also showing off about their husbands’ work, income, family houses, cars…. Compared to her friends, Qianhui felt that she had nothing worth showing off. Qianhui’s self-esteem was seriously frustrated, and her mood fell. She couldn’t sit still anymore, so she simply ate and left in a hurry.

When she got home, scenes of what she saw at the wedding floated through Qianhui’s mind. All her friends seemed to be doing better than she was. She didn’t have much money, didn’t have a car, and didn’t even have a condo unit in an apartment building, never mind the trappings of a luxurious life. The more she thought, the more aggrieved she felt. She thought she felt so lost now because her husband was incompetent. If her husband came from a family that was better off, or if he could make a lot of money, then wouldn’t she also have a house and a car, and a petty bourgeoisie lifestyle, and show off in front of her friends? The thought made everything she saw at home ugly to her, especially her husband’s clumsy honesty, weakness, and incompetence, which became infuriating to her. Whenever her husband did something that was the slightest bit displeasing, she found an excuse to lose her temper with him as a way to vent her dissatisfaction. Every time her husband saw Qianhui unhappy, he would try to comfort her. Although Qianhui knew her husband treated her well and let her have her way in everything, she always felt humiliated. She didn’t want to live such an ordinary life, where an escape from poverty seemed impossible. And so, her originally harmonious and comfortable family life was now spent quarreling. Gradually, Qianhui felt that her husband had changed. In the past, he came back from work and helped her with housework as he talked to her, but now he was cold to her. He started playing games on his phone whenever he had nothing to do, and he barely talked to her. His strange behavior made Qianhui even more frustrated. She thought, “It was humiliating enough to marry you, and now you treat me like this. I really can’t live like this!” The more she thought about it, the more aggrieved and miserable she felt. She didn’t know how to go on.

Later, Qianhui accepted God’s last days’ gospel. She often went to meetings with her brothers and sisters to read the words of God. As she interacted with her brothers and sisters, she saw that everyone was very honest and kind. If anyone had difficulties or was confused, they could discuss things openly together and seek truth in God’s words. There was no superiority or inferiority between them, no one looked down on anyone else, and everyone helped, supported, and supplied each other. Everyone pursued the truth according to God’s words and thereby lived out a human likeness. Qianhui was taken in by this atmosphere, and began to feel an ease and happiness she had never felt before.

Later, Qianhui read these words of God, “One encounters many people in one’s life, but no one knows who will become one’s partner in marriage. Though everyone has their own ideas and personal stances on the subject of marriage, no one can foresee who will finally become their true other half, and one’s own notions count for little. After meeting a person you like, you can pursue that person; but whether he or she is interested in you, whether he or she is able to become your partner, is not yours to decide. The object of your affections is not necessarily the person with whom you will be able to share your life; and meanwhile someone you never expected quietly enters your life and becomes your partner, becomes the most important element in your fate, your other half, to whom your fate is inextricably bound. And so, though there are millions of marriages in the world, every one is different: How many marriages are unsatisfactory, how many are happy; how many span East and West, how many North and South; how many are perfect matches, how many are of equal rank; how many are happy and harmonious, how many painful and sorrowful; how many are the envy of others, how many are misunderstood and frowned upon; how many are full of joy, how many are awash of tears and cause despair…. In these myriad marriages, humans reveal loyalty and lifelong commitment toward marriage, or love, attachment, and inseparability, or resignation and incomprehension, or betrayal of it, even hatred. Whether marriage itself brings happiness or pain, everyone’s mission in marriage is predestined by the Creator and will not change; everyone must fulfill it. And the individual fate that lies behind every marriage is unchanging; it was determined long in advance by the Creator” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). After seeing God’s words, Qianhui had a sudden realization. She understood that people’s marriages are predestined by God. There are many people who want to be with someone they love, but somehow or another, they end up marrying someone else, and this is a matter in which they have no choice. Now, Qianhui realized that she met, got to know, and lived with her husband because this was God’s arrangement for her fate. But, when people don’t understand God’s mastery and don’t obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, they have their own requirements for marriage, as well as their own preferences and pursuits. Some people like handsome, elegant, or beautiful looks, some like partners who have a way with words and who can care for them, others still like competent, powerful, financially successful partners, and so on. When our partners don’t meet our requirements, we live amidst our grievances, give them the cold shoulder, or get angry, fight, and even divorce them, causing ourselves and our families to live in pain. Qianhui realized that because she didn’t understand or obey God’s mastery, she always felt that her husband was incompetent, disliked and degraded him, causing her to live in misery, and showed him nothing but a depressed expression every day, pushing their relationship farther and farther apart. Qianhui didn’t want to live so painfully, so she prayed to God to express her desire to accept and obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, to be no longer dissatisfied with her own life, to no longer complain about her husband’s incompetence, to get along peacefully with her husband, and to live happily.

After that, Qianhui’s attitude toward her husband improved. When something was unsatisfactory in her life, she was not as unreasonable as she used to be, and she no longer nagged and complained to her husband. Instead, she believed that this was God’s arrangement, and she was willing to obey, let God lead and guide her, and learn to live in harmony with her husband. Her husband saw the change in Qianhui, and his attitude toward her also improved.

One day, as Qianhui returned to her parents’ house, her neighbor asked her, “I haven’t seen you for a few years. Do you still live in the same bungalow as when you got married? Have you bought a condominium unit yet?” Qianhui’s heart lurched. She felt embarrassed, and said with a reluctant laugh, “Not yet.” The neighbor said, “These days young people all want to live in condominiums. They’re clean, comfortable, and pleasant.” Qianhui avoided her neighbor’s eyes and made up an excuse, “My father-in-law’s feet aren’t well, so it’s hard for him to go upstairs. I think bungalows are just fine. Maybe I’ll buy a condominium unit in the future.” After her neighbor left, Qianhui couldn’t help but think regretfully, “Where would I ever get the money for a condominium?” Unconsciously, Qianhui began to blame her husband for his embarrassing incompetence. In her suffering, Qianhui went before God and prayed, “God, although I know my marriage was predestined by You, when I see others doing better than me, I still have complaints in my heart, and I feel that my husband can’t give me the happy life I want. I don’t know how to escape this pain, so please lead and guide me.”

One day, Qianhui read these words from “God Himself, the Unique VI”: “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? You cannot see these trends with the naked eye. When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.” “In this way, man becomes more and more evil, arrogant, condescending, selfish, and malicious. There is no longer any affection between people, no longer any love between family members, no longer any understanding between relatives and friends; human relations have become full of violence.”

From God’s words, Qianhui understood that all the misery occurs because mankind is corrupted by Satan and pursues evil worldly trends. In this evil society, people are inundated and influenced by evil ideas such as “Money is first,” “Money isn’t everything, but without it, you can do nothing,” “People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward,” and “As a tree lives for its bark, a man lives for his face,” everyone worships money and material enjoyment, pursues wearing name brands, eating expensive delicacies, living in foreign-style villas, driving luxury cars, and living a life of quality to gain the capital to climb the social ladder and show off. Whoever has money and enjoys the most pleasures is a cut above other people, his words carry weight, and everyone admires and tries to associate with him, while those without talent or skills are seen as inferior to others. Inundated with these mistaken and absurd views, people become more and more superficial, vain, selfish, and greedy, they entirely lose their humanity, reason, and conscience, to the point where when choosing their marriage partner, some people demand partners that come from a good family background or have the ability to make large amounts of money so that they can live a wealthy lifestyle that makes others look up to them, as well as promote such absurd theories as “Wealthy husbands make honorable wives” and “It’s better to marry well than study well,” completely twisting the idea of marriage. The truth is that marriage is meant to be two people who sincerely love each other and share one will establishing a family. It requires both partners to take up burdens and responsibility, respect, help, and love one another, and maintain a happy life. But thanks to the influence of these evil trends, people add too many conditions to marriage, and the relationship between husband and wife becomes impure and full of exchange and dealing. People marry whoever has money or power, and if one party can satisfy the demands of the other’s material desires or vanity, then the marriage can be grudgingly maintained, otherwise the two partners will despise and harm each other, and even separate. The divorce and remarriage rates in society are rising, and it’s already common to hear about men with mistresses and women with rich sponsors. Isn’t all this due to people living by such mistaken thoughts and notions? When she realized this, Qianhui saw that she had also been tempted and harmed by these evil trends. Before she went to her old classmate’s wedding, her life with her husband was stable and calm, but when she saw that her friends all had cars and condominiums, that they were all more wealthy than her, she felt that she was inferior, and that she couldn’t raise her head among them. When her husband couldn’t satisfy her desires, she regarded him as vulgar and incompetent and harbored grievances against him every day, not only making herself miserable, but also causing her husband endless pain. Their relationship had become more and more distant, and their home had lost the harmony and comfort of the past.

Qianhui thought of how she had treated her husband and felt deeply sorry, and at the same time felt that the lifestyle she pursued to satisfy her vanity was mistaken, a means used by Satan to cause her to suffer. If not for the guidance she found in God’s word, Qianhui would always compare herself to her friends and blame her husband when she didn’t surpass them, and thereby live in pain as she was tormented by Satan, or even suffer a breakdown of her marriage. Qianhui realized that many of her friends, although married to rich people and able to enjoy a luxurious life, only had the appearance of a bright and beautiful life, and in reality weren’t happy at all. Some of their husbands had affairs, mistresses, and played around while ignoring their wives, not caring about them at all. Others had no status and dignity at home, and were as low as servants, not respected by their husbands and their families. Some had husbands with incompatible tempers and personalities, there were no true feelings between them, and they often argued, and fought. There were still other examples. Their vanity was satisfied, but behind it was endless bitterness and helplessness. Could such a life be called happiness? Qianhui shook her head. This isn’t what she wanted. Once she understood this, she was willing to let go of these vain things in her heart and be reconciled with her husband.

Later, Qianhui read another passage of God’s words, “There is a simplest way to free oneself from this state: to bid farewell to one’s former way of living, to say goodbye to one’s previous goals in life, to summarize and analyze one’s previous lifestyle, philosophy, pursuits, desires, and ideals, and then to compare them with God’s will and demands for man, and see whether any of them is consistent with God’s will and demands, whether any of them delivers the right values of life, leads one to a greater understanding of the truth, and allows one to live with humanity and human likeness. When you repeatedly investigate and carefully dissect the various goals of life that people pursue and their various different ways of living, you will find that not one of them fits the Creator’s original intention when He created humanity. All of them draw people away from the Creator’s sovereignty and care; they are all pits into which humanity falls, and which lead them to hell. After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you, try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to have no choice, and to become a person who worships God” (“God Himself, the Unique III”).

After she read God’s words, Qianhui couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with complex emotions, “In the past I pursued a lifestyle based on goals I desired that were inspired by Satan, and it was so painful. When I lacked the truth, I could only be toyed with by Satan, and I wasted my life on pointless pursuits.” Only then did she wake up, decide to let go of her mistaken views on life and values, and no longer follow evil trends and pursue a high quality material life. Instead, she wanted to obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, treat her husband correctly, and be content with having sufficient food and clothing. As she weighed these things, Qianhui thought that although her husband didn’t have much money, couldn’t give her a luxurious material life, and couldn’t satisfy her vanity, he was practical, reliable, and predictable, considered things thoroughly, and had genuine feelings for her. Even when she behaved unreasonably, her husband tolerated her and let her have her way, and most importantly, her husband didn’t object to her belief in God. Compared to a superior material life, she was happiest to find a man who could care for her, so Qianhui felt that the marriage God had arranged for her was the best. If she had found a rich husband and lived a wealthy life, her life would probably have been filled with food, drink, and play, and she might not have had the opportunity to come to God, hear the Creator’s voice, and understand so many mysteries of truth, nor would she have discernment of how Satan corrupts mankind or evil trends. Qianhui finally understood that no matter how rich or poor, having a suitable environment to believe in God, worship God, pursue the truth, and fulfill the duties of a created being to repay God’s love is the only way to gain true happiness.

Once she understood these things, there was a major change in her attitude toward her husband. She no longer complained about her husband’s incompetence, and she had much more care and understanding for him. Gradually, she began to communicate more and more with him. Her husband was delighted by the change in her. He always greeted her with a smile, and their home became much more harmonious and comfortable. Qianhui was very grateful to God for His salvation and guidance. Her only desire now was to practice according to God’s words in her life, strive with all her strength to pursue the truth, and fulfill her duties, because this is the most correct path in life. Thanks be to God!