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random-thought-depository · 3 years ago

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Continuing from my last post about science fictional “hyperspaces” (wow, I think that might be the most viral original post I ever wrote; it’s amazing what being reblogged by @argumate can do for a post!):

As a science fiction writer, these are the features I find attractive about “hyperspace” that incline me to favor it over other explanations for “fast” interstellar communication and travel:

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Hyperspace lets space still feel big. Wormholes/portals and instantaneous “jump drives” tend to make space feel small (though wormholes lend themselves nicely to space outside the wormhole network feeling big and to a feeling of sharp discontinuity between “known” or “civilized” space within the network and “unknown” or “wild” space where the network doesn’t reach). Start-anywhere go-anywhere jump drives without serious limitations have the additional issue that they’re more-or-less equivalent to teleporters, so they create the ultimate MAD setting where defending multiple fixed locations from a peer adversary is very difficult, and they minimize the strategic advantages of sustainable stationary banditry over unsustainable hyper-exploitive mobile banditry, and since the likely implications of that are very depressing I prefer to avoid it (except maybe if I was deliberately setting out to write a dystopia or explore the idea).

I want space to feel big in my writing, to give the reader some feeling of the vastness, grandeur, and inhuman scale of the universe. For my main science fiction setting, I think I’ll give hyperspace travel an effective “speed” of something like 5-10 c in Sol’s local neighborhood. That way interstellar journeys are more manageable than they’d be with journeys through our space, but journeys to other inhabited solar systems usually take at least a year or two (Sol to Alpha Centauri may be less than a year in hyperspace, but add in travel time to and from the Sol and Alpha Centauri hyper-limits, which is probably going to be at least a couple of months for each leg, and it’s probably about a year).

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Hyperspace feels more like the sort of thing that might plausibly be useable to almost hairless apes with near-future-ish technology. With warp drives and wormholes and jump drives and so on I get the niggling feeling that’s the sort of thing you should probably have to be on approximately the level of an Orion’s Arm Archialect to do. Real theoretical warp drive and wormhole proposals tend to involve stuff like exotic forms of matter and energy and very large amounts of energy. Hyperspace would be a natural phenomenon, so it’s easier to explain it in terms of people exploiting natural phenomena we just don’t know about now, no weirder than being able to travel faster than rowing would allow by building a sail to catch the wind.

You can say that there are some rare atoms that naturally have a structure that extends into hyperspace. With human senses and 2020s technology they just look like ordinary atoms of silicon, iron, etc., but with the right kind of machinery you can detect them, sift them out of the surrounding 3D atoms, and concentrate them. Once you’ve got enough of them, you can make them the core of a pair of transmitters that you can use to send and receive radio messages through hyperspace. With more energy, you can “push” on these structures and “push” those atoms into hyperspace, and then if those atoms are part of a larger solid object the rest of the object and anything touching it gets dragged along with them (with a certain size limit, perhaps related to mass being “pushed” and energy used, so you don’t have to worry about accidentally sending the whole Earth into hyperspace the first time you try this - that’d be one heck of an oops; maybe a later disproven small theoretical possibility of that happening would go down into the history books along with “before they exploded Trinity they were worried it might ignite the atmosphere”); thus you can send a whole ship into hyperspace instead of just information. When you want to leave hyperspace you can reverse the operation and “push” the ship back into our space.

That gives you a nice highly valuable “handwavium” that can be a hook for various plot and worldbuilding points, e.g. there’s not much obvious economic reason to colonize Mars IRL except maybe tourism (anything you could mine there you get more easily from near-Earth asteroids, and it’s too inhospitable to make much sense as a settler colony), but maybe there’s a huge mother lode of these hyperspace-touching atoms somewhere on Mars. These hyperspace-touching atoms would be especially valuable if the process of using them for communication or in hyperdrives “strained” these structures and at some predictable rate caused some of them to “snap,” causing the atoms to become ordinary 3D atoms of silicon or iron or uranium or whatever. Then there’d be a continuous need for (relatively) large amounts of new ones even in a steady-state economy; you couldn’t just keep recycling them and recycling them and just do a little mining to make up for recycling inefficiencies. This would also be an interesting limit on use of hyperspace; using hyperspace radio or doing a hyperjump involves destroying a small amount of a precious resource, so people wouldn’t want to do it frivolously. This might augment that sphere analogy limitation on hyperspace communication I talked about in my other post; even if a hyperspace radio message from Saturn to Earth got there a little ahead of a radio message through our space, you’d probably send a radio message through our space for anything that isn’t time-critical, because the message arriving ten minutes sooner usually just isn’t worth the predictable cost in “snapped” hyperspace-touching atoms.

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Hyperspace would be an environment, so you can do interesting things with it.

Since hyperspace offers a short-cut because it’s more compact than our space, I like to pull on the idea that it’s like our space but in a more compact state, so it’s similar to what our space looked like when the universe was younger and smaller. Going to hyperspace might be a little like time travelling back to a few tens or hundreds of millions of years after the Big Bang, before the first stars formed. The environment of hyperspace might be a little like the inside of a giant molecular cloud, but “warmer” and extremely impoverished in heavy elements. The gas density might be a few thousand to a few billion atoms per cubic centimeter (by comparison, sea level air is about 10^19 molecules per cubic centimeter while the interstellar medium averages around 1 atom per cubic centimeter). The gasses and plasmas in hyperspace would be almost pure hydrogen and helium. The cosmic microwave background temperature in hyperspace might be around 50 K; that’s warm in comparison to what it is in our space (around 3 K), and warm enough to probably be a big part of the reason hyperspace has no stars (present day star-forming giant molecular cloud regions have gas temperatures around 10-20 K), but by human standards it’s deeply cold; it’s upper atmosphere of Uranus temperature. With no stars, I’d guess hyperspace would be a place of more-or-less total darkness outside the range of any lights humans passing through might bring with them.

Alternately, if I want hyperspace to have a murky and mysterious quality and be a place where visibility isn’t good and sensors don’t work well (so a vibe a bit like B5 hyperspace), I could say the Big Bang nucleosynthesis era lasted longer in hyperspace and there produced a substantial amount of heavy elements, some of which then condensed into dust (probably more like smoke if it’s similar to interstellar dust in our space - nanometer to micrometer particles). This dust would probably be pretty insubstantial on human scale distances (again, if it’s like the interstellar medium matter in hyperspace would be about 99% mostly hydrogen and helium gas and plasma and 1% dust, and even a relatively “dense” hyperspace with billions of atoms per cm^3 would have less than a billionth the gas density of sea level air), but over AUs it would scatter light and that effect might add up. This would make hyperspace similar to a dark nebula.

If I want to take the “hyperspace is a scary place” further, I could add sources of energy that might further confuse sensors and add dangerous radiation and other dangers to the mix. Maybe hyperspace has a few large black holes or something, with energetic accretion disks and polar jets fed by all that relatively dense gas and adding turbulence to it. Or maybe spacetime in hyperspace is “lumpier” than spacetime in our space and hyperspace has weird “rivers” formed by something related to whatever force drives cosmic expansion and some of the gas/plasma gets caught in that and accelerated to large fractions of the speed of light and then slams into the low-velocity material in the “still” parts in places, creating lots of turbulence and various other interesting and scary things (powerful magnetic fields, radiation, locally intense heat, maybe some of these collision zones are even giant naturally occurring inertial confinement fusion reactors; maybe that’s where the heavy elements in the dust come from). Maybe hyperspace has a lot of cosmic strings; it makes a certain intuitive sense that, hyperspace being more compact than our space, its cosmic eggshell might be densely veined with cracks.

This gets into another interesting aspect; hyperspace might have something equivalent to terrain; hyperspace travel may be easier in some directions than others. And there’s lots of worldbuilding and plot hooks you could hang from that idea.

For example, let’s look at that idea of hyperspace having “rivers” formed of exotic spacetime structures and filled with gas/plasma streams moving at high fractions of the speed of light. If the edge of these “rivers” has a gradual enough velocity gradient and the plasma in the “rivers” is ionized, with enough skill a spacecraft pilot might be able to catch that “current” with a magsail and ride it, then when they’d gotten about as far as they needed to go they could leave the “river” and do magsail braking against low-velocity plasma in the “still” areas. Just gotta be careful to stay well away from the dangerous collision zones! This might be a huge part of the short-cut offered by hyperspace travel! It could be that distances across hyperspace are only modestly shorter than distances across our space (say, Alpha Centauri is 1 light year away in hyperspace), but the really big savings is you can catch one of these hyperspace “currents” and use it to get up to large fractions of c without expending any fuel. A set-up like that does raise some awkward questions about conservation of energy, but I could say something like “the hyperspace ‘rivers’ are areas where dark energy is being converted into kinetic energy, slightly slowing down the expansion of the universe in the process.” It’s not like we know much about how dark energy works, or even what it is, so for all we know that’s a thing that might happen under certain conditions.

Those collision zones would generate substantial radiation, including light, so unlike a calm hyperspace a turbulent hyperspace with energetic “currents” would probably have light. Don’t know how bright it would be; all that dust (made of heavy elements built up over the eons by inertial confinement fusion in collision zones, I like that idea!) would absorb a lot of light over cosmic distances, and stars are pretty bright but most of our space is pretty dark.

That set-up would make hyperspace travel kind of like sailing; there would be “currents” or “winds” you want to catch, and travel might be a lot faster along directions where the currents are favorable. Travel times in hyperspace might only loosely correlate with distance; Alpha Centauri might take longer to reach than Zeta Reticuli. There would also be hazards you’d need to avoid, e.g. the collision zones.

Maybe part of the explanation for the Fermi Paradox might be that Earth is in the middle of a big “still” part of hyperspace; few ships went here because we’re in the middle of a cosmic doldrums that takes years to crawl across.

With a set-up like this, hyperspace may have “weather” that influences interstellar commerce, and “climate change” on historical timescales that influences the trajectories of interstellar societies. Ages when hyperspace is particularly turbulent might cause Dark Ages as hyperspace travel becomes very dangerous. Ages when hyperspace becomes unusually calm might also cause Dark Ages as there are no fast hyperspace “currents” to ride and hyperspace travel becomes relatively slow. In one age hyperspace “currents” may be arranged such that a world is isolated; a few thousand years later the hyperspace “currents” might have shifted and that previously isolated world might be much more accessible and back in the mainstream of interstellar civilization.

One wrinkle: a turbulent, energetic, opaque hyperspace such as this probably wouldn’t be good for sending radio signals across. Maybe the universe actually has multiple “basement” levels, hyperspace is just the one that’s “closest” to our “living room” level and the only one that’s “close” enough that ships can travel to and from it, but there’s a clearer layer that’s “farther away” but still “close” enough that you can send radio signals through it, and that “deeper” clear layer is the one used for interstellar communication. Bonus idea I like: the deep clear layer is even more compact than hyperspace (by orders of magnitude) so it’s overall a much better short-cut in every way except being “too far away” to send ships through it, so finding a way to send ships through it is a huge potential breakthrough that tantalizes generations of scientists and engineers who so far have not managed to figure out a way to do it.

Really, on that note, I like the idea that the universe is analogous to an onion with many “layers,” and hyperspace and the deep clear layer are just the layers that are most easily accessible from our space. There are a lot of “basements” below the deep clear layer, and generally as you get farther “down” the “basements” get smaller, denser, and hotter; going “down” is a little like time travelling to eras closer and closer to the Big Bang (though this isn’t a completely reliable rule - the deep clear layer is smaller than hyperspace and perhaps warmer, but seems to be a lot emptier; maybe most of its matter has been sucked into black holes?). Maybe the whole thing is a bit timey wimey wibbly wobbly and if you go “down” far enough you eventually hit what 2020s science knows as the moment of the Big Bang. As well as “basements” there are also “attics,” but they’re less accessible because going “up” is harder than going “down.” If going “down” into the basements is a little like time travelling to the early universe, going “up” into the attics is a little like time travelling to the deep future, to places that look kind of like what our space may look like in the deep future black hole era (assuming the Big Rip doesn’t destroy our universe before that deep future proton decay story has time to play out). The “attics” are vast, empty, and deeply cold; cosmic microwave background temperatures a tiny fraction of a degree above absolute zero and precious little else to generate energy, maybe one atom in every cubic kilometer of space. They probably expanded too quickly for stars to ever form there. The total number of layers might be large; maybe hundreds or thousands, maybe billions, maybe a number so big it would need to be expressed in scientific notation. I like this idea because it makes hyperspace feel less implausibly convenient for humans; we’re just taking advantage of a particularly convenient part of a big macrostructure that’s mostly inaccessible to us.

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Hyperspace is a natural phenomenon, so it probably isn’t going to be neatly quarantined to just being a thing humans can use for communication and travel. Hyperspace-related phenomena are going to show up in nature, and this offers a neat explanation for any exotic soft SF-ish natural phenomena you may be interested in incorporating into your setting.

Hyperspace (and other “basements” of our universe) also gives you a built-in parsimonious explanation for any other bits of soft SF technology your setting might feature. Want your setting to have e.g. Star Trek style forcefields? You can say they work through interaction with one of the “basement” layers of the universe.

On that note, I have an idea for a more hard SF version of the Babylon 5 “going beyond the Rim” thing or Stargate ascension, based on the “onion universe” concept I described above, which might serve as a partial explanation for the Fermi Paradox. Maybe some “layers” of the “onion” are “superhabitable” to advanced machine intelligences (though not to primitive flesh and blood beings like us). You know the aestivation hypothesis? If advanced machine intelligences could move to an “attic” they wouldn’t have to wait billions of years for our space to cool down; the cosmic microwave background temperatures in many of the “attics” would already be some tiny fraction of a degree above absolute zero. Maybe they could move to a nice big cold “attic” and live there and “mine” a nice compact “basement” that is rich in matter and energy, getting the best of both worlds. Most of these “attics” and “basements” would be completely inaccessible to humans, but beings with better technology and more resources might be able to access many more of them (or maybe even get beyond the “onion” and search the entire multiverse for universes with conditions more to their liking). So the universe’s most powerful and most enduring civilizations might usually leave our space and move to another “layer” or universe that has conditions more ideal for them, and thus be mostly undetectable to us.

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See: the concept of hyperspace is loaded with potential plot and worldbuilding hooks if you use a little imagination, and I like that!

#worldbuilding #worldbuilding ideas #my writing

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golbrocklovely · 3 years ago

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Im going anon because last time i submitted an ask to another fan acct on here, word got out to reggie and he blocked me on twitter.

Based on stuff that has been said and now deleted i believe certain people were not okay with Sam and Colby just expecting them to drop everything and film with them, or participate in stuff of theirs but when they asked for the same stuff in return the former were aways busy or just not interested. Reggie was doing late night twitch and “not sleeping enough” and getting stuff to edit short notice. After this was said or claimed, Colby said reggie was not going to edit for them so he can focus on his own stuff “twitch”. Right after this it was known by another former friend that they sat down Kevin and had issues with him always filming. Suddenly Reggie unfollows Sam, Colby unfollows Reggie, and then Reggie unfollows Colby. Reggie & Kevin became close to the KnJ group, there is an actual video of those guys making fun of them for always being around and eager. Reggie became all those guys i.t guy for twitch (not to mention Cassie & Devyn started hanging out Jcs house with Reggie and Kevin). Suddenly Jake becomes super distant from sam and colby, he just stays in his room and does twitch and would tell Tara we cant do this or That and would do the weirder shit to impress KnJs friends (this was all live on twitch) while you could hear Sam and Colby and Kat hanging out outside his room. Little bit after this is when Corey and Jake moved out, Jakes actual announcement to moving out was kind of like he was poking fun of the situation.

Its no coincidence they lost 8 friends all at once. They didnt grow apart, something happened. Not to mention Sam actually called them fake friends during one of their lives during 2020 because no one called him or checked in to see how he was.

(figured i would add all of your asks together.)

👀👀👀

this all just sounds like everyone got slightly upset with one another and instead of being adults and talking things out, they all just decided to be petty and not speak and give each other the silent treatment.

i LOVE that 🙄

i will say the kevin thing i knew about bc of the mike situation that happened recently, but everything else i didn't know about.

it seems as if there is a lot to the story that we don't know about. and i'm okay with that bc it ain't our business anyway. but my only problem is they ALL got the fans into their friendships. and while i don't expect them to tell us what happened, they could at least pretend to not dislike each other lol

or address it if it's really not that much of a problem. even just saying "hey i'm not close to xyz anymore, so if yall could stop asking about them, that would be great" would be better than awkwardly ignoring the person's name (usually snc's lol).

as someone who is easily annoyed by confrontation that could be easily solved by talking/petty situations, this whole thing is irritating and ngl i'm kinda over it lmaooo

#ask #personal

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whatiwillsay · 4 years ago

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off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too! i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me. i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo!

Part I - At least one fake rs!

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay. Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything! We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another. cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them? Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March? Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship? Perhaps! Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach. The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there! Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating? Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay. Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists. Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues. I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes! It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019. They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos. I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married. All jokes aside this is fruity behavior.

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn! It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe. Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia? (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened. And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs. Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women. Is she gay? I don’t know! But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think? Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni. Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

#selena gomez #gaylena #taylena #gossip #cara delevingne #julia michaels #lesbian #sapphic #of interest #taylor's fruity friends

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veebs-hates-video-games · 3 years ago

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So I finally finished the first Xenoblade Chronicles. I should probably write down my thoughts on this one before too much more time goes by.

I probably had one of the weirder experiences playing through it. By the time it came out my Wii had already been acting funny for a couple years and I'd stopped playing games on it, so I didn't get to it right away. I finally gave it a shot a few years later in Dolphin and it was great. This was around 2016, and I found a HD texture pack for it that made it look better in some ways than the Switch version (and less in others, mostly because of the limitations of the original engine). I spent like 65 hours on it doing every side quest and all the little things that came up as they happened because I was enjoying it so much that I didn't want to miss any of it.

...and then my computer broke. Luckily I had a friend who was able to just give me a replacemnt CPU for free (I seem to know a lot of people willing to help me out like that, who I would not have survived as long as I have without), but it wasn't as good as the one that died. I wasn't able to upgrade or replace anything in my computer until early 2020, so I didn't really have a good way to keep playing and kind of forgot about it, and it wasn't until this year that I managed to dig up my old saves and the texture pack from my old drive, a year after XCDE was already out.

Once I finally started playing again I was sucked right back into it though. Well ok, after a 6600 word summary of the first half of the game, then spending an hour rereading all the tutorials, and a few more hours relearning how to actually play the game, but after that...

It's just such a neat game that does a lot of stuff well. The characters are fun, it's very pretty, the music is good, there's enough going on mechanically to have still been interesting 140 hours later, and the world/story/general concept are absolutely bonkers in the kind of way that Squenix has repeately tried to pull off with the Final Fantasy games but never succeeded like this did. The only two RPGs I've play in a while that have grabbed me like that and made me want to do everything just because I'm curious and invested and want more are this and The Witcher 3 (which I'm still working on because I also didn't start that until after new computer time), and they're definitely my two favorites I've played in a long time and contenders for two of my favorites ever.

There are plenty of games that don't manage to be as compelling at any point in their entire run as XC does just setting up the initial premise: the entire in-game world exists on the corpses of two gods who fought each other to death, and the inhabitants of each are now fighting each other for some reason. They go in a lot of interesting directions from there which I can't say too much about without spoiling a lot of stuff, but despite having as many twists and turns as the most convoluted of the FF games it still manages to be a coherent story that all fits together. True to form as the people who made the previous Xeno games (Xenogears/Xenosaga) it gets into plenty of philosophy and religion along the way, with fate vs. free will, if/how morality would apply to gods, and other shenanigans like that, all wrapped in a lightly anime-flavored shell. Lots of the power of friendship, and there are times you'll walk into a boss fight and the soundtrack just feels exactly like a typical anime showdown. It's fun.

(I'm like two chapters into XC2, and it leans more heavily into the anime side of things, for better and worse. Aesthetically it uses it well, and the tone works well for some stuff too...but then it'll intermittently break that with some weird dubbing decisions that do the same stuff that tends to annoy me about a lot of dubbed anime (although 95% of the time the voice acting has been good), and it's always a bad sign when a character pops up on screen and I can hear the implied "goshujin-sama" before they even pan over to the maid outfits...and also let the female characters wear actual clothes please?)

Anyway, I rather enjoyed it and am looking forward to when the plot of the second one picks up, and also to eventually playing XCX. I liked it enough to grab a copy of XCDE and play through the epilogue, and I'm really curious what Monolith is going to do next...

#xenoblade chronicles #xenoblade series #xeno series #mentioned:#final fantasy series #the witcher 3 #xenoblade chronicles 2

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poedameronloverx · 4 years ago

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Close To Home

Life In Lockdown Masterlist

Pairing - Poe Dameron x F! Solo Reader

Warnings - Massive amounts of Covid talk in this chapter as it starts to effect our lovely little squad, so if that upsets you please don’t read, I don’t want anyone to be triggered or upset by this content <3

Month 2 – April 2020

As the weeks went on, you found yourself getting more and more used to remote working. Your boss had made a lunch time finish on a Friday a weekly thing and you were grateful for it. Poe was getting every Friday off, and Rose got to finish at 3pm on a Friday. You and Poe were working round each other better, you’d gotten used to his singing and he got used to you getting up to wander round the room and stretch every hour or so. The novelty of having people around all day had worn off for BeeBee, he would choose to spend an entire day with either Poe or you and lie by your feet for the day. Rose’s idea of doing something each evening had stuck and you had set up a weekly plan of things to do. Movie nights became a Friday night tradition. Rose had ordered relaxation colouring books for each of you and that became your Monday night routine. There was a YouTube marathon on Tuesdays, you’d all found a series to binge together on Wednesdays and you played board games on Thursdays. Poe was teaching you to cook, you could make basic things but he was much better than you were and you’d asked him to help you learn. Rose loved teasing your about how cute you both looked and how domestic it was. Things were still strange but everyone was getting used to it.

Rose and Finn occasionally took walks after work, just the two of them. Poe had just arrived back home with BeeBee. He wandered into the living room and found you sitting on the sofa crying your eyes out. He was by your side in an instant, pulling you into his arms and rubbing your back.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“My dad” you sobbed “He has the virus; he’s in the hospital on a ventilator”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry!” he pulled you tighter “He’ll be fine, I’ve never met a man as strong and stubborn as Han Solo!”

“Mum said he’s really ill, she’s not even allowed to go and see him”

“It’s not fair”

“I just want to go and see mum and hug her”

“I know sweetheart, I know”

Poe held you until you eventually cried yourself to sleep. He pulled you onto him, and grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over you. BeeBee jumped up onto the sofa and lay by your legs. Your body heat and the heat from the blanket lulled Poe to sleep. When Finn and Rose came back a little while later they eyed you suspiciously. The sound of Rose’s keys against the coffee table woke Poe.

“This looks romantic” Finn said

“Far from, I’ve just held her whilst she cried herself to sleep” Poe replied, glaring at his friend

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked

“Han’s got the virus; he’s in hospital on a ventilator”

“Oh my god, when did that happen, is he alright?”

“I don’t really know” Poe shrugged “She was really upset, I only got the basic information from her”

“I’ll phone Leia” Rose replied “To get more information but also to check on her”

Finn nodded “That's a good idea”

“I should text Ben.” Poe said “Then we need to work out what to do here. I don't want to put her to bed before dinner, I know she’s exhausted herself crying but she needs food in her system, as much as she probably won’t want it”

“We can make a start on dinner, wake her when it’s ready and make sure she eats at least a little then she can get some sleep” Finn said

Poe managed to lift you off him enough to move, he laid your head on a pillow and made sure the blanket still covered you. BeeBee got up and moved along the couch so he could snuggle against your stomach. Poe headed to the kitchen and made a start on dinner with Finn’s help. Rose sat on the bottom stair and called Leia. She was on the phone for 10 minutes before joining the guys in the kitchen.

“What did she say?” Finn asked

“He had a few symptoms so they called the doctor yesterday and he was told to go in and get checked out, they didn't want to worry Y/N and Ben so they just kept it between them at that point, the hospital got him tested and obviously he had it so they said he would get kept in overnight but he started to struggle to breathe so they put him on the machine. They don’t know when or if he’ll come back around”

“Oh god” Finn replied

“We just have to take care of her” Rose said “We know how close she is to her parents and not being able to be with them is going to be so hard for her”

“She has us” Poe replied “And we’ll be here for her day and night, no matter what time”

“Absolutely” Rose nodded “I’ll wake her for dinner”

The next week was difficult, you’d asked for some time away from work as you knew you would never be able to concentrate whilst your thoughts were all about your father. He hadn’t been getting better but he also hadn’t gotten any worse, which the doctors said was a really good thing. Poe and Rose had both taken a few days off to make sure someone was with you and helping keep your mind off things. You and Poe were on a walk with BeeBee one afternoon when your phone rang.

“It’s mum” you said to Poe before answering the phone. He gently took hold of your arm and led you over to a wall where you could sit. He could only hear your side of the conversation but the fact you hadn’t burst into tears yet made him feel more positive. “I’ll speak to you later mum, love you. Bye”

“How’s things?”

“Dad came off the ventilator this morning” you replied, happy tears appearing in your eyes “He’s breathing on his own and the doctors are really happy with his progress”

“That’s great news sweetheart. And it’ll be a load off your mind knowing he’s doing okay”

“Yeah, it really is” you replied “Thank you, you’ve helped keep me going this last week or so. I really appreciate it”

“I’m here for you anytime sweetheart” Poe replied

“I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. It's been so scary seeing all the stuff on the news, I guess I just didn't think it would end up so close to home”

Poe held his arms open and you fell into his hug gratefully. Poe gave the best hugs in the entire world. He hugged tightly and it made anyone he hugged feel secure and content.

Easter was very much a non event, the weather wasn't great so you were inside all day. Poe cooked a nice meal for everyone and you sat and watched a lot of TV whilst eating all of the Easter snacks you'd ordered in with the food shop. You were all happy to have a few days off work, Finn had a few weeks off whilst the schools were closed for the spring break. A few days after Easter, your father was released from the hospital. He still wasn't 100% back to his normal self but he was really glad to be back in his own home. You face-timed with him and your mother every day, just to check up on how they were both doing. You knew it wasn't easy on Leia either. She had to take care of Han plus do everything herself at home, whilst trying to work. Finn decided to take up gardening whilst he had free time, he ordered loads of plants and gardening tools online and got to work as soon as they arrived. Your garden had never really been full of plants because you and Rose were always too busy and neither of you were that into gardening. Finn cut down all the bushes, planted loads of flowers and painted the fences. The small fence that separated the patio from the grass was painted a sky blue and all of the surrounding fences were white. Poe helped Finn with the painting, whilst you and Rose cleaned up all the garden furniture. Once you were done, it looked like a whole new garden.

As the month went on, things with everyone's work got quieter. You were no longer working full days, Monday to Wednesday you only worked from 11am until 3pm, Thursday you worked 9am-12pm and Friday was a day off. Rose only had to work Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Poe no longer had to do any work. He was luckily still getting paid but his work just didn't have anything else they could do remotely. They told him to keep checking his work emails just incase anything did come in. It took a while to adjust to all of the free time. Working from home had been strange anyway but only working for part of the time made it even weirder. Finn was still working his normal hours after the school break. Friday became a cooking day. Poe continued to teach you how to make meals, and sometimes the pair of you would bake.

Rose liked to come on walks with BeeBee when she had the spare time, the park was everyone's favourite place to go. It became a lifeline to everyone. The stay at home order still said you were only able to go out once a day for some exercise. You all began to look forward to walk time so you could get to your park. You could walk all the way round it twice before BeeBee got bored. You would always stop at the kiosk and get a coffee or an ice cream, whilst the dog ran after his ball.

“This is his dream” Poe chuckled as he watched Rose throwing the ball “He's getting to spend time with people he loves, he's getting much longer walks than normal and he gets to run after his ball a lot”

You smiled “Animals must be loving this lockdown thing, they get to spend so much time with their humans and don't have to stay home alone all day”

“Bee is loving living with you and Rose. He's always really happy when you guys come to visit us so all of us living together is great for him”

“I'm actually really enjoying it too, I had my reservations at first. Especially when Rose just mentioned Finn moving in. I didn't want to be the third wheel in my own home. And even when she said you were coming too, I wasn't sure we'd all manage to work around each other but thankfully we have and I couldn't be happier to be spending this lockdown with you guys. Especially with how much you helped me when my dad was ill”

“I'm glad we're all together too. It's made things feel so much better knowing that anytime I have a bad day I get to spend it with my best friends. Living with Finn is great but sometimes when him and Rose are all loved up it gets a bit annoying. I mean not that I'm not happy for them because I absolutely am, they're a great couple but yeah”

“No, I totally get that. Being the 3rd wheel isn't easy” you nodded “They're adorable, but sometimes it sucks to be left out so I'm glad we have each other during this lockdown”

“Me too, I think you're the only one that gets what it's like to be 3rd wheel to them” Poe chuckled

The final few days of the month were difficult, Rose fell ill with suspected Covid. She had all of the symptoms but she didn't feel overly ill. Finn moved into the spare room with Poe, he didn't want to get ill whilst he was still so busy with work. You looked after Rose, bringing her food and plenty of fluids to keep her going. You were glad that she didn't have a really bad case of it, but you worried for the rest of you.

So here’s the next part. I hope if you read this far that you enjoyed it and you’re still enjoying the series. Your comments would mean the world to me <3 Have a lovely weekend!

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x F!Reader #Poe Dameron x F!Solo Reader #tw covid #tw: covid #tw Covid19 #tw: covid19

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someguynamedstevewrites · 5 years ago

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My Roommate is an Apparition: WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A DAD - Part 2

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

————————————-

Oh man, am I late on posting this. So many things going on. Not to mention figuring out how to follow up the first part.

It seems people really like the first-person narration from “A-Pink-Ciation of Culture”, so I went with that again with this piece.

Almost DAILY, I get likes or re-blogs and the occasional follower despite not having posted anything since March. I’m very curious and would like to hear from you readers about what you like about my writing and what appeals to you. Eventually, I want to make a living off of writing, but until that time, I definitely could use any and all feedback.

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, on with the story!

From the Diary of Lily, March 1st, 2020:

Okay, diary, I’m coming to you because I honestly have no idea where else to go to try and sort through the evening I just had with my Dad and Tulpa. I can’t put my finger on it, but something about tonight just... bothers me! It’s like I’m on pins and needles and can’t stop thinking about, well, a LOT of stuff. Just... hear me out and maybe it’ll make sense if I put this all down on paper (I.E. You). I just spent the last twenty minutes trying to talk things through out loud, but that got me nowhere so here goes nothing:

First off, my Dad came to visit a week earlier than what I had planned, and immediately sets up shop in my living room with his NES and copy of Castlevania III. Only problem was I hadn’t talked with Tulpa about his visit since I was expecting him until NEXT weekend. I kept thinking that the last thing I wanted was for anything weird to happen during his visit.

Which, looking back on it, was a really stupid thing to worry about.

I mean, Dad’s a pretty open-minded guy and he’s quite weird himself. He’s actually quite proud of his weirdness (embarrassing as it is sometimes). He tends to under-react to all kinds of things like it’s no big deal. I’ve even asked him why he doesn’t freak out about some of the stuff he comes across in real life or on TV, and he just tells me, “I’ve seen weirder.” (If some of the stories he’s told me are true, then he has. He really, REALLY has!)

For example: if Tulpa had come into the room holding a... I dunno, a plate or something, like would that really freak my Dad out? Pfft, No! He (maybe?) wouldn’t see her, all he’d see was a “flying saucer” (he deliberately would make that lame pun too), and then get back to his game. Then later, he’d try and tell me about the real flying saucers he saw years ago, or something.

Since I had assumed that Dad wouldn’t have been able to see her, it eventually clicked in my head that what I was actually worrying about was, “what would Tulpa think of my Dad?” He’s a huge Goofus that likes to make bad jokes, tell tall tales, and play video games! And even if he did weird her out, it’s not like she could go anywhere... right? I mean, she might avoid interacting with me because of him, but...

Oh...

Oh wow...

I just read what I just wrote and I can not believe I was being THAT irrational! ( Man, people are stupid sometimes; me included!)

Avoid me because of my DAD!? That’s gotta be the dumbest thing I’ve ever thought! It’s not like he LIVES here or anything! He’s not the one paying the rent; I am! And... I’ve gotten to know Tulpa pretty well these past few months, but... I guess I still have a lot more to learn about her. Case in point:

————————————-

So Tulpa tells me that she wants to meet my Dad, and after coming to my senses somewhat, I say she can sit in so long as she doesn’t touch anything (see flying saucer explanation above). A few minutes later, she walks in looking like the tall girl from Keep Your Hands off Eizouken (I had to look the name up; I couldn’t remember it for the life of me). By that I mean, she’s coming in as a tall, lanky, skinny, somewhat pale skinned girl looking to be about my age. She’s wearing some modest clothes and, if I’m being honest with myself, they looked kind of cute in that outfit they had on. It was a nice ensemble.

Then Dad says “Hi” to her.

...

Let me repeat that in case it hasn’t clicked with you yet.

My Dad GREETED her!

He! SAW! Her!

When I asked her about it later, she said to me that she thought that since he’s my Dad, then whatever it is that allows me to see her could be something my Dad has too. So far, her theory has been proven right, but... I’m not one-hundred percent sure, because Tulpa... well... she changed.

And I’m being literal here, too! She no longer had that transparency to her like usual. She had a nose! She had ears! She had five fingers! And she looked...

...well...

...good.

Tulpa said she had never tried doing this before, but figured that in the off-chance that her hunch was correct, she wanted to make a good impression on my Dad. (Why do I keep thinking about that old joke in movies and TV shows about the overprotective Dad that threatens the boy about to go on a date with their daughter?) She even went so far as to create her own “clothes”, saying she knew they’d be important. Considering that she doesn’t wear (or need) clothes any other time, I ask her how she came to that conclusion. I still have no idea what she meant when she suddenly bellowed out, “GOOD...! GRIEF...! HE’S...! NAKED!”

[Edit: It’s from Spongebob, because of course it was.]

So I’m not sure if Dad could see her because she purposely made herself opaque, or if he would have been able to see her if she wasn’t in her human “disguise” (and yes, I’m calling it a disguise and I’ll explain why a bit later, okay?). But either way, she walks in and my Dad just starts chatting away like so:

————————————-

“Hi there! You must be Lily’s roommate!” says Dad.

At this point, I’m kind of frozen solid on the couch, just watching and listening as everything unfolds in front of me like it’s being burned into my retinas. You know that saying about slow-motion train wrecks? Y’know, about how you can’t look away from them? This is probably why I remember the conversation so well.

“Heh...Hello,” she responds back nervously.

“I’m Lily’s Dad,” he says as if it wasn’t obvious, “Hope you don’t mind if we play some games out here.”

Tulpa shakes her head and stutters out, “No...N-not at all.”

“Great!” Dad responded with a smile that said, “Even if it was bothering you, I’m still going to take up the TV and play video games. So nyeh!” I’ve lived with him long enough to know that he’s not someone who would give up the TV without a fight.

(...gee... that kind of reminds me of someone now that I think about it...)

Tulpa then asks, “M-mind if... I watch?”

Dad gives her this big, goofy smile and responds with a, “Sure thing!” since despite him never admitting to it, he always liked having an audience around when he played games (or almost anything really) in hopes of “schooling” them. (Why he didn’t go into teaching, I will never understand.)

As soon as Dad turns back to his game and un-pauses it, Tulpa smiled, sat back, and looked content (Although it was a little weird seeing her smile with a nose to go along with it.) This snaps me out of my stupor long enough to scootch over to Tulpa and chat with her.

“You actually want to watch him play?” I ask her once more because the mere thought that she’d be interested in something outside of cartoons still hadn’t registered in my head, yet.

“Yeah...” she says as she starts to stare at the screen like she usually does during her cartoon time. “...sounded... familiar,” she said before looking up slightly while lost in thought, “...Simon... Belmont... Mega... Man... Kid... Icarus...” she said again as though that meant something. To me it just sounded almost like some kind of madness mantra, but...

“Oh! You mean Captain N: The Game Master!” my Dad chimed in out of seemingly nowhere.

“YES!” Tulpa said with excitement (worth noting that she doesn’t look excited very often, but when she does, she practically glows). “I remember...” she said before pausing to collect her thoughts and form the words she wanted to say. If I could have, I would have warned her about my Dad’s tendency to pounce on any hesitation in a conversation to take it over.

“Man, I haven’t seen Captain N in decades,” he said wistfully, “Surprised someone young as you remembers it. I was in High School when that show came on! When did you see it?”

“Ummm...” she hesitated, “...reruns... when I was... a kid.”

(As I’m writing this down now, I realize she was trying to hide her actual age from Dad. She looked to be in her early twenty’s like I was, but if she said she saw it when it came on the air originally, that’d make her over thirty years old at least.)

“Ahhhh! I see you have good taste in reruns!” Dad complimented.

“Th-thank you,” she stuttered back. As I listened to the awkward conversation of father-roommate bonding, I found my eyes constantly turning towards Tulpa. Not out of adoration or anything, but more like... studying her.

————————————-

On the one hand, she looked like the Tulpa that I had known ever since she became my roommate months ago. But on the other hand, they somehow weren’t. It’s kind of like when someone changes their looks a bit for maybe, I dunno, a night on the town, a job interview, a wedding, or something else along those lines. Only in her case, “dressing up” meant adding additional body parts she didn’t normally have.

(To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure what to think about that...)

I’ve always been a firm believer of people being themselves, and being allowed to be themselves. I can’t stand situations where people are unable to truly express themselves or feel comfortable. Way I see it, life is too short to be spent worrying over stupid stuff that makes people miserable just so they can come off as normal.

Sometimes it’s because of social norms and expectations; those unspoken rules of life that people are supposed to just magically “know”. Like if someone was going to a church or temple service, social norms say they need to wear their “Sunday Best” with stiff, itchy clothes that are dry clean only. If I was able to go to a sermon wearing a baggy college sweatshirt, sweatpants, and slippers, and NOT be judged like I’m some kind of crazy hobo, it would have definitely made something like that more appealing to me.

Now I have nothing against anyone that likes to dress up in fancy clothes and wear them out and about; I mean, everyone likes different things, right? The point is that if I’m going to do something that makes me uncomfortable, it should be because I wanted to do it for myself. I don’t think I should bend over backwards making myself feel bad (physically or mentally) for someone else’s sake. Sure, call me selfish if you must, but I just can’t advocate for doing something that makes you feel bad because you wanted someone else to feel good.

I’m just thankful no one in my family has ever tried to push anything on me. Sure, they’ve suggested things to me before, and of course made sure I didn’t do something stupid that would injure me or worse when I was too young to know better. But overall, my family has given me a lot of freedom to do what I want, dress how I want, and be who I want to be. Now that I think about it, I’m kind of lucky that way.

(I hope I’m making sense on this. Re-reading this, I’m not entirely sure if I do.)

————————————-

Anyway, I’m looking at Tulpa and watching them carefully, trying to figure out if they were comfortable looking like that or not. She’s just sitting there watching my Dad play Castlevania III, and he was now on the haunted pirate ship with Trevor and Sypha. He was breezing through at a pretty good pace and sharing an anecdote about how Warren Ellis figuratively gave him the “Turd Cape of Shame” on this old message board back when the Castlevania series on Netflix was just an idea back in 2007. (I still am not entirely sure if that story is true or not.)

“Hey Lily,” Dad asks suddenly out of the blue, “got anything to drink?” I offer him some lemonade, he accepts, and I go to the kitchen to pour him a glass. As I’m doing this, I hear Dad ask Tulpa, “By the way, I don’t think I caught your name. What was it again?”

“...Tulpa...” she says back to him.

My body freezes up for a moment as I realized that “Tulpa” is not an ordinary name. I mean the first time she told me her name, it sounded like some kind of Pokémon. Once again, that irrational fear of my Dad being weirded out or something enters my head, but is dispelled almost immediately.

“Tulpa?” my Dad says aloud to himself, “That’s a very interesting name.”

“T-Thank you...” she says back.

I walk in with a glass of pink lemonade and set it down on a little, folding TV dinner stand that was given to me when I first moved out for college. I slowly sit back down again as I keep an eye on Dad. His facial expression is the same as usual: relaxed. You could call it a poker face, but I’ve seen him play poker and he is BAD at poker.

“Anyone in your family Buddhist?” my Dad asks casually.

I step in, “Dad! What kind of a question is that!?” And I meant what I said too. Who even asks something like that!?

“I was just wondering,” he says before once again shutting up and focusing on his game.

This is one of the things about my Dad that bugs me to no end: he likes to be cagey sometimes. He’ll say something vague with the sole purpose of making the other person curious, confused, or both. It leaves, like, questions in the back of your head that just start gnawing at your brain and won’t stop chewing away at your gray matter until you finally ask him to explain what the heck he was talking about. He does this on purpose to “bait” people into asking him questions or to continue with what he’s saying. So annoying!

I sigh, “Why’s that, Dad?”

He gives a little smile and continues, “Oh it’s just that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard the name “Tulpa” before, that’s all.”

NOW he has my total undivided attention and Tulpa’s too as we both unconsciously lean forward. Practically in sync, we both say, “It’s not!?”

He’s still smiling as he says, “Nope. First time I heard that name was when I was doing some monster research for a Castlevania Wiki I had been working on a while back.”

Tulpa practically gulps, “M-M-Monster...?”

“Well not really a monster,” he says back, “more like... a supernaturally, artificially created person.”

(There are some times when my Dad can be down right spooky and creepy. This was one of those times.)

Full Metal Alchemist immediately pops into my head, and without even hesitating, I ask, “Like a Homunculus?”

“Nah, more like...” he says before pausing his game and turning to Tulpa and I, “...an imaginary friend.” Tulpa and I both tilt our heads in confusion. Dad picks up on this and by now, he is practically glowing at this opportunity to share some weird thing he just happens to know something about.

He explains, “So there’s this word in Tibetan called “Sprul-Pa” which means “Manifestation”, okay? And in early Buddhism, this is used as the explanation for how Gautama Buddha could travel to heavenly realms and come back again. You could say he created a clone of himself in the other realm and then transmitted his consciousness to it from his body on Earth. Kind of like a-”

By now, Tulpa and I were clearly on the same wavelength as she asks, “a Shadow Clone!?” at the exact same time I was thinking of it. Believe it!

Dad’s silent for a moment as he thinks to himself before finally going, “...uhhh... I guess... you could say that. I was thinking “Dream Body” but I suppose a shadow clone could work too.” My Dad used to watch Naruto with me on Toonami years ago, so he knew full well what a shadow clone was.

He turns to face us as he continues talking, “The thing with a Tulpa is that it’s something made from nothing. A Homunculus, using your example, Lily, requires having the materials necessary to make an artificial being on hand before you can create them. But a Tulpa is willed into existence out of nothingness. It is created from the thoughts of the creator; known as a “Thoughtform” in some cases.”

(WHEN did my Dad even learn this stuff!?)

“The difference between a Tulpa and an imaginary friend,” my Dad continued to say, “is that while an imaginary friend is just that, someone that exists in your imagination, a Tulpa is made when someone’s thoughts are so strong that they will their imaginary friend into existence.”

I look over at Tulpa, and she is totally absorbed in what my Dad’s saying.

“Now from what I’ve read...” Oh my God, Dad! What have you even been reading!? “...it’s very difficult for one person alone to have enough psychic power to will a sentient being into creation. But if you had enough people thinking the same thing, and thinking about it hard enough, then, hypothetically, a Tulpa could be created.”

“So what you’re saying is if enough people think Bigfoot is real, then they can actually make it real just by believing in them?” I snark.

“Yeah, pretty much,” my Dad replies without detecting my snark at all.

“Or like...” Tulpa chimes in, “...how Tinkerbell is saved... by believing in fairies and... clapping hands?” I was a bit surprised Tulpa knew that since I couldn’t recall Disney’s Peter Pan having that scene in it.

Dad thinks about it for a moment, and then goes, “Hmmmmm... yeah! That too, I suppose.”

Right about then, Dad gets a notification on his phone. He pulls it out, looks at it, gets a somewhat serious look on his face, and then stands up and says, “Hey, I gotta make a phone call real quick. Mind if I...” he trails off.

“Yeah, sure thing, Dad,” I say back. He heads down the hallway to the guest bedroom and closes the door as he makes his call. It’s now just Tulpa and me in the living room, and we were both feeling super awkward. I turn to Tulpa and say, “So... did you know anything about all that?”

Tulpa shook her head, “N-n-no. First time I... I ever heard of... of it.” I could tell she was feeling nervous. She had started stuttering pretty badly.

All this time, I knew Tulpa was an apparition, but I never thought about what kind of apparition she was. It never really dawned on me that an apparition could have an origin story. With Tulpa, she was just... kind of there for me, and I never really questioned it. Her being her somehow felt, I dunno... “natural”, I guess.

I never thought I really needed to learn more about Tulpa, anyway. I mean, outside of the occasional mischief, Tulpa was perfectly harmless. Worst thing she ever did was the Pinkening (still don’t know how she did that), but that was partly on me because I was being a big dummy. Overall, she’s always been friendly, kind, and fun to be around, and that‘s always been good enough for me.

“You, uh...” I start to say, “...want to talk about it later?” Tulpa looks ahead of her kind of blankly, and I immediately add, “It’s okay if you don’t want to, Tulpa, I just-“

“Talk about what?” She asks, now looking at me kind of confused.

“About...” I trail off as I try to find the right words, “...about what my Dad just said and about... I dunno... where you came from?”

Tulpa clearly hadn’t thought about it before. She leaned back against the couch and audibly sighed (I think that was the first time I ever heard them sigh!), before saying, “I... don’t know... Lily...”

“Don’t know where you came from, or don’t know if you want to talk about it?” I asked her.

She thought for a moment before saying, “Both...”

I wanted to say something more to her, maybe give them some kind of reassurance, but I just couldn’t as long as my Dad was here! The frustration of wanting to talk about something with someone, but not being able to because of other people being around, is just AGONIZING! If only Dad would hurry up and leave, but when he says he’s going to beat a video game, he’s going to beat a video game. Problem was he hadn’t even made it to Dracula’s Castle yet, so who knew how much longer it would be?

Then Dad comes back in and says, “Hey, sorry about this, but I need to get going.”

HAAAAAALLEJUAH!!!

“Oh sweet merciful powers that be, THANK YOU! “ I thought to myself. I was worried things were going to get all cringy like a bad self-insert fanfic. “Aww, that’s too bad,” I fibbed out of politeness. I mean, he’s my Dad and I love him and all, but... y’know...

“Yeah, I got a call from work and they need me to help out with something. ‘Fraid I have to cut my visit short, Lily.” My Dad powered off the Nintendo system and began packing it up. But then he suddenly stopped, looked up, then looked back at me and said, “Hey, you want to borrow my NES for a bit!?”

Dad suddenly leaving to take care of something for work happens every now and then, so that was no big surprise. But Dad suddenly saying he has to leave to take care of something and leave his NES in MY care!? THAT scared the pants off me!

“Oh my God, Dad... you’re not dying are you!?” I ask with a half-serious tone.

“What!? No! What gave you that idea!?” He shoots back.

“Because that’s the NES you’ve had ever since you were a kid! You have NEVER let anyone else look after it! EVER!” I remind him because it is one-hundred percent true.

His lame-sauce excuse was: “Hey, both of your uncles used to look after it!”

And then I remind him, “That’s because you all lived in the same house with grandma and grandpa! Y’know, because you were all kids and everything!”

“They still took care of it,” he pouts.

“Only after they sneaked into your room, de-hooked it, and snuck it over to their room! You know I’ve heard the stories at the family gatherings!, right?” This is all completely true.

————————————-

My Dad is the oldest of three, and at family gatherings, like around Thanksgiving, he and my uncles used to tell as many embarrassing stories about each other as possible like they were trying to one-up each other. Like, “Hey, remember that time you stuck a LEGO tire up your nose and had to go to the Emergency Room?”

And my uncle’s all like, “I WAS FOUR!”

Good times....

...now where was I?

Oh right! Why leaving the Nintendo was a big deal!

————————————-

“C’mon, Dad,” I plead, “The only way I can see you willingly giving away your Nintendo, even if just for a little while, would be if you were on your death bed and filling out your last will and testament. So go on, spill it, what’s up with that?”

My Dad just had this look of offense on his face like I had seriously wounded him with my words. “I am NOT that overprotective of it!”

“Yes you are.”

“Okay, I am,” he admits way too quickly, “but I just thought that you having it might be a good idea in case you finally get some free time coming up. Best way to enjoy it is to play it, after all.”

I chuckle, “Dad, the only way work is going to give me enough time off to sit on my butt and play video games is if some horrible catastrophe caused the art store to shut down. Like, I dunno, a deadly virus or something.”

[EDIT, APRIL 12th, 2020: ME AND MY BIG FAT MOUTH!

AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!]

Dad chuckles and say, “Yeah... you got a point there. Still, I think between you and your roommate, you’re both responsible adults now who can get some enjoyment out of it. I’m sure I can trust you two to take good care of it,” he says before raising an eyebrow, “or is there some reason I shouldn’t leave it here!?”

“Relax! We can look after it, Dad. Nothing’s going to happen to it,” I say as I whip my head back so fast it could have made a sonic boom. Just as I suspected, there was Tulpa sitting down in front of the Nintendo about ready to poke it with her finger. “Isn’t that right, Tulpa?” I say while looking straight at her.

“Y-yes...” she mutters.

Dad smiles at the two of us and then suddenly, out of the blue, he gives me this big ole bear hug and pats me on the back! It’s the same kind of hug he gave me on my first day at school, when I was leaving for summer camp, and when I moved into my freshman dorm for college. It was the kind of reassuring hug that says everything is going to be fine. “Ohhhhhhh, look at you growing up and being all responsible! I’m so proud of you, Lily!”

“Dad! Can’t breath, Dad!” I say before he finally lets go.

“Oh yeah, tomorrow, when you get a chance, make sure to pick up a couple packages of toilet paper,” he says casually, “your bathroom’s running low and now would be a good time to stock up.”

[EDIT April 12th, 2020: HE FREAKING KNEW!

HOW!?!?!?]

“Thanks for the tip, Dad,” I respond before saying the thing that led to my Dad saying the other thing that would make my brain do somersaults for the next few hours and ultimately come to you, dear diary, “What brought up that little nugget of wisdom? Dad-ly Intuition?” (Yes, that pun was intentional.)

“Well I’ve always considered myself to be a little psychic here and there,” he says about twenty-three seconds before the door closes and forty-five seconds before my face faults, “and you’ve always been a little psychic too, haven’t yah?”

“Sure Dad, I’ll catch you later,” I say waving goodbye.

“Take care, Lily! Keep in touch! Love you, sweetie!” he calls back as he’s walking into the hallway heading out,

“Love you too, Dad” I say as I close the door and lock the deadbolt. With that family obligation out of the way, I was feeling much better not having to worry about next weekend, not having to worry about Tulpa and Dad, and could just chill and relax and-

It was right about then that my eyes shot wide open as I stared ahead of me at nothing in particular. The gears in my head started turning faster and faster as the past few months living here started to tie together. Tulpa looks at me, slightly concerned. She’s still in her “disguise”, but looks genuinely concerned. She waves her hand it front of me and my mind is working at warp speed, so it doesn’t even register.

“Are you... okay... Lily?” she asks.

I slowly turn to look her in the eye, and then ask her flat out:

“Am I Psychic!?”

#my roommate is an apparition #reddpenn

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kolbisneat · 4 years ago

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MONTHLY MEDIA: February 2021

Whoa I know it’s exactly 4 weeks but February just flew by! Here’s how I spent those chilly days.

……….FILM……….

Barb and Star Go To Vista Del Mar (2021) Silly and sincere and just...a lot of fun. There is so much happening at all times that you’re bound to enjoy at least half of it. Maybe 2/3rds. Mileage will vary but watch the teaser trailer. Does that look like a movie you’d enjoy? If “yes” then go watch it.

Freaky (2020) Fun! And a couple solid laughs. If you’ve seen Happy Death Day then it’s similar in tone but I admit I think I liked that better than this. It delivers on the premise but almost feels like it has a tiny fourth act that...doesn’t really fit. Not bad, overall.

The Kid Detective (2020) Highly recommend. A good dark comedy with a wild third act and overall just a good time at the movies. I’m not sure if a trailer gives too much away so just picture Adam Brody as a washed up kid detective trying to solve a murder case.

Logan Lucky (2017) Pretty solid! It kinda drags after the heist (oh yeah, it’s a heist film...love it) but other than that it’s really rather fun! Worth checking out.

……….TELEVISION……….

WandaVision (Episode 1.01 to 1.08) While it’s starting to slot into the overall Marvel formula, I really appreciate that the superhero stuff is dabbling in weirder stuff. Between the illusion scene in Spider-Man 2 to this, I’m really rather hopeful that the movies will get more colourful and wacky and ever closer to the aesthetics of Speed Racer (also go watch Speed Racer).

The Bachelor (Episode 25.05 to 25.08) What. A. Mess. I mean I of course follow all the drama outside of the series and it really feels like 1 step forward highlighting the 2 steps back happening in tandem. Sure, Matt is bland and I really just want more of the goofy stuff that they show at the end of the episode, but those complaints are overshadowed by a really irresponsible casting and production that brings in super problematic contestants. It’s a bummer. But I DO think I’m winning my fantasy league!

The Night Manager (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) Far less night managing than I expected, but what we ARE getting is a really solid spy mini series. Also I always think Tom Hiddleston is like...average to average-tall actor height (maybe 6 feet?) but he absolutely towers over most of the cast! It’s wild. Also a good show.

Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) The first three episodes had me a little worried for how much they relied on youtubers and a community that feels...rather exploitative of a really tragic situation, but the end kinda redeems itself. I don’t think it holds them as accountable for the damage they’ve done and the problems they caused, but that’s just me.

……….READING……….

Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey (Complete) As a character study, it’s really really great. I wish I hadn’t read focusing on the murder mystery component because that side is...fine. I was looking for clues and misdirects and it was too late when I’d realized that was not the type of book I was reading. I won’t spoil anything. Instead I’ll suggest it as a good book to check out if you want to read about a very human detective working in a world that is not her own. In that, i wholly recommend.

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (Page 203 of 453) Gosh I’m loving this so far! The lead character is so fun to read and the whole premise (okay...1 necromancer and 1 swordsperson from 8 communities come together to sort out who will rule over them all in a techno gothic haunted mansion) is bonkers but grounded and it’s a really good time. There’s so much chemistry between each character and lots of skeleton minions so I really don’t know how else to sell this book.

House of X / Powers of X by Jonathan Hickman, Pepe Larraz, R.B. Silva, and Marte Gracia (Complete) Really great ideas and as I don’t read a lot of X-men, it feels like two things are crucial to every big story: conflict with humans and time travel/time jump stuff. When I finished reading it I admit I wondered “is that it?” as it really feels like an unfinished story...more like a setup to bigger things. Turns out that’s exactly what it is and now there are a million books to check out. So I don’t love that. I’d still recommend this and will likely go back to it, but just know that it leaves a lot of threads dangling.

Dragon Ball 3-in-1 Vol. 3 by Akira Toriyama (Complete) This is a series I’m rereading during the pandemic and a few things stand out: I love that you can see Goku aging in the comics, the Red Ribbon Army is blaaaaaaand (but the underwater cave stuff is fun), and I LOVE the old crone/fight the universal monsters storyline. So basically this volume is 50% fine and 50% fantastic.

……….AUDIO……….

Calypso by Harry Belafonte (1956) You know that viral video of the happy trotting dog? Well since then I’ve been listening to Harry Belafonte and...more hits than misses!

……….GAMING……….

Hades (Supergiant Games) Alright I’ve made it out of hell...3 times? Not enough to really share with any pride but I’m still knee-deep in this game. Fun and perfect for a few minutes or a couple hours and hot dang I love Greek mythology.

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The adventurers have been doing some mining and are now on their way to exchange their haul for a fallen star! Also the longer recap is on Reddit and is full of spoilers and more TTRPG details.

And that’s it! See you in March.

#Monthly Media #Kolbisneat #Andrew kolb

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btssmutficslovingfan01 · 4 years ago

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Friendly Encounters- Chapter One

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: A friend challenges you to go out of your comfort zone and talk to one of the cute boys at the café. However, after attempting to flirt with one of them, they reveal that they are in a relationship with each other. It’s fine, though, because you’re all friends now!

𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓇𝑒: Romance

𝑅𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔: Fluff

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Domestic Yoonmin, fluff, Jimin is literally too good for this world, barista boys, swearing, mild language, lots of character development, realistic insecurities, Jungkook makes a bad decision.

𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈: 6k+

𝒫𝒶𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔(𝓈): Jimin x Yoongi x Reader

Masterlist

Author Note: This story is available on my archiveofourown as well so go check it out!

⇤Prev | Next⇥

______________________________

“Do it.” Your friend pushes you towards the incredibly adorable busboy as he passes by your table.

“No, it’s stupid.”

“Y/N, I dared you. Now you have to do it.” You roll your eyes.

“That’s not even how dares work.” You lay back in your chair, eyes drifting over to the two handsome men who now stand talking at the cash register.

“Okay, fine, if you can’t have a conversation, at least get his number! I’ll go for that cute barista over there with the sleepy eyes.” How can eyes be sleepy? You shrug as she confidently strides to the counter to order another drink. Jasmine has always been the type of girl to tell people what she’s feeling in the heat of the moment. You had no idea where she got her confidence from, it just happened one fine summer day in sixth grade.

You’ve been best friends ever since you moved into the house across the street, along with Jaehyun and Jungkook. They are the non-identical twins that go to your school and the four of you were a group all through middle school. Things changed after highschool, Jae started hanging out with the wrong crowd and he moved out after saving up some drug money.

Jungkook, on the other hand, is still a sweetheart, protecting you and Jasmine as if you were his sisters. Sometimes you wonder how you even became friends with this meth-head of a girl, but then you realize you’re the same, you both are crackheads and that’s why you’re best friends. You sometimes doubt your friendship when she tries to push you out of your comfort zone. You hate opening up to people, and Jasmine knows it.

Yet, she still tries pushing you towards trying new things and being more extroverted. Your mind is already buzzing with a million different ways this can go wrong, but you’re surprised when the waiter approaches you with a smile on his face. I wonder if he’s truly happy or putting on a fake smile for the customers. You think to yourself. Sometimes you like to look at people and try putting together a life story for them. It helps your creative juices flow, as an amateur writer.

“Can I get you anything else?” He asks with a refreshingly soft voice for a man. You’re a bit taken aback by his melodic tone, and how freaking adorable he sounds with his Korean accent. You can’t tell what dialect it is, because his English flows very well.

“Actually…” You look over at Jasmine, who gives you a thumbs up as she sips her Pink Drink. “Can I have your number?” The man’s eyes widen momentarily and his gaze flickers up to the barista at the counter.

“Oh...Miss I’m very flattered but...see that man over there?” You turn around and face the barista who is busy on his phone at the moment.

“The sleepy-eyed one?” You ask, knowing full well where this is going.

“Yeah, him. Um, that’s my boyfriend.” Your smile falters for a moment but you feel a sudden sense of relief. You were afraid he would actually flirt back and possibly be a douchebag but he is exactly what you hoped he would be. A decent person who won’t cheat on his partner.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Your reaction makes him raise his eyebrows. Normally girls would sigh or be sad that he’s taken/gay, but you’re the first one who’s ever reacted like that. “I mean, sorry. My friend just forced me to ask for your number because she wants me to make friends and step out of my comfort zone, and now I’m...sorry just nevermind.” You trail off, cutting off your pointless rambling as the busboy wipes your table slightly.

“Hm, you’re interesting. You know what, just for that attempt, I am going to give you my number.” He winks at you, sliding you a piece of paper. Did he always have that paper with him? You laugh as he walks away and Jasmine bolts back to your table, excited to hear the juicy details.

“You did it!” She screeches, making half of the people whip their heads around to stare at you. You blush and sink in your seat when you see the adorable busboy speaking to his boyfriend. Just when you’re about to tell Jasmine what happened, you see the sleepy-eyed man look at you with a glare. You bite your teeth and suck in your cheeks as Jasmine starts talking about her encounter.

“Too bad, though. The sleepy dude just waved me away saying he already has a boyfriend.” She folds her arms. You stretch your legs, yawning a bit as you listen to your friend. “What? Am I boring you? Anyways, tell me what happened with the cute blue haired dude!” You giggle to yourself as your friend expected something more out of the interaction.

“Jasmine, he’s gay. And they’re-” You gesture to the two men talking behind the counter. “Together.” Jasmine sighs. You simply shake your head, flipping your hair to one side.

“Well, I guess my luck with men hasn’t changed. But at least they’re cute.” You giggle as your best friend sighs dramatically and then you move onto discussing other topics, like school.

Just as you’re about to exit the café, you realize that you didn’t ask the cute busboy for his name. During the whole five minutes that you talked to him, you didn’t even introduce yourself?! Great job, Y/N. You turn around, reaching for the piece of paper in your pocket to find that he indeed did write his name down for you. Jimin. What a beautiful name for a beautiful boy.

As you climb into the jeep that Jasmine’s parents bought for her 16th birthday, her phone rings, and she turns to you, puffing out her chest. You wiggle your eyebrows at her and then you both laugh after the awkward moment.

“It’s Jungkook.” She throws her phone at you, switching back to her “serious” persona.

“Whoa, what happened between you two for you to act this way?” You give Jasmine the stink eye as she caves under your pressure. She’s acting weird—weirder than usual.

“Nothing, just...ugh.” She clicks her seatbelt in and starts backing out of the parking lot.

“Jasmine, if you don’t tell me I’m gonna jump out the window. And we both know I’m not bluffing because I’m actually really short and this window is huge.” Her eyes widen in panic and her hands start shaking on the steering wheel.

“You see…..um ....Jungkook and I may or may not have gone all the way after a deep conversation about relationships.” I gawk at her, unable to process her words.

Sure JK is a flirt, but he never would’ve moved past touching, seeing how he’s practically scared of girls. There was even a point in your middle school lives where Jasmine believed he was gay and started calling him her “gbf.” Yeah, that wasn’t greatly received by your homophobic class of 2020.

“Bitch, you did not.” You slap the dashboard, shaking your head in disbelief. You can see guilt written all over her face but what’s worse is the fact that you had a crush on him for the longest time and she had no clue about it.

It’s not her fault, but sex can change a lot of things for different people. And you know despite whatever bullshit Jasmine tells you about it being a ‘one-time thing no feelings involved’ type deal, you know things are going to change between you, Jasmine, and Jungkook.

You don’t know how anyone will react, since you’ve never been in this situation before. You just know that your best friend, without even knowing it, broke your heart in two. Including Jungkook’s, who is probably crying by himself at the moment.

Your silence is enough to shut her up, as she stops talking mid-sentence and plays an EXO song on her phone, hooked up to the lavish quality stereo system which is connected to her fancy Jeep Wrangler, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine but you assume that’s from your gut, twisting in disgust planning for revenge with Jasmine. She has no regard for feelings when it comes to sex, and you’re more worried about your other best friend at the moment.

“Drop me off at JK’s place.” Your command makes her flinch, and then her eyes widen when she digests what you said.

“You aren’t going to tell him that I told you, are you?”

“Of course I’m gonna talk to him about it! While you’re over here thinking about how to end your friendship, that boy is probably breaking down in tears right now, or worse, binge eating and watching soapy K-dramas all alone!”

You slam her car door shut, stepping out with your red converse basking in the sunlight. It’s so bright out today, a little bit chilly but otherwise nice. Too bad Jungkook’s having a rainy day. You knock on his door, and his brother opens the door.

“Hey baby. Wanna join me and my buddie-”

“Yeah, nice to see you too Jaehyun, is Jungkook home?” You ask, pushing past him and his stoner pals on the couch.

“He’s upstairs.” There’s not much that needs to be said when you walk into his room.

As expected, he’s lying in his bed, blankets wrapped around his entire body, forming a cocoon of some sort as he distracts himself from the real world, again. It’s like every breakup ever, as you have seen him do all sorts of crazy shit while being heartbroken. He’s dated so many people, but none of them were his close friends. This time, it’s different, and you can tell he’s hurting more.

“Did you see Jasmine?” Is the first thing he asks when he sees you.

“I was with her earlier and she told me some stuff happened between you guys. And now I’m here for you. Tell me what you need.” Jungkook slowly rises, and you can see his hair standing straight up from the static, and his normally bright eyes are colored red from crying, his cheeks are red and puffy, and he looks exhausted. Drained, in fact.

“I made a mistake. I started kissing her first, it was like the time after my breakup with Madi-” He cuts himself off. You shiver, beginning to remember his touch. You hadn’t slept with him, not in a sexual context, anyway. He only kissed you, and his hands slid down the small of your back, tracing circles with his thumbs. You can feel the strange sensation creeping up on you, and then it hits you like a wave.

Jungkook is no longer the little boy that you once knew. He’s a grown man, and he can take care of you if you let him. But, you’re not that type of person. You would never take advantage of him, especially when he’s so vulnerable. “I promised myself I wouldn’t let it get in the way of our friendship, but after that night I knew we could never be just friends.” You take his clammy hands in your soft ones, kissing his fingers gently as tears threaten to spill from his eyes again.

“It’s okay, let it out.” You spend a good chunk of your time cuddling with him, and for a moment you imagine what life would be like if you actually started dating, but alas, he is too in love with your best friend. That’s how life is for you, you’ll always be a side character in a love story, and when it comes to love, guys always pick Jasmine. Guys talk to you because they see that you are friends with Jasmine. Girls invite you to sleepovers to ask you what you know about Jasmine, and worst of all, she stole multiple crushes from under your nose. But they were never truly yours to begin with.

After arriving at your house after a long day spent consoling Jungkook, youlop down on your bed, scrolling through some texts.

༻• The Next Day, at Your Local Highschool •༺

“Jungkookie, are you feeling any better?” You make your way to your best friend but then you overhear him speaking to some people.

“Oh yeah, she was the best in bed, don’t let her tough smart-girl act fool you, she was amazing, so submissive for me.” You hoped they were talking about someone else, but when you stick your head past the lockers, checking for a split second, you see that it was none other than your sensitive friend who was speaking to a group of younger males.

“Wow, you’re so cool, Hyung. I thought Y/N was the hardest girl to pin down.” Wait, what?! You resist the urge to storm out, eavesdropping a bit longer to see if you misheard things.

“Yeah boys, she came to me while I was playing Overwatch in my room and then she offered. Just straight up asked if I could fuck her.” You slam your fist against a locker and then you clench your teeth, about to confront him when the bell rings.

It’s 5th period. You don’t have a class because you have a release period. You instinctively check your phone, making sure you didn’t miss any important texts or calls before running out. You don’t know who to trust, or who to go to, as you lost your two best friends within the span of less than 24 hours. People suck.

Then you get a text, as you park your car in front of the coffee shop.

You don’t text back, hoping to surprise him. You forgot to ask him about his work hours but you assumed he worked part-time everyday or something. As you walk up to the counter, you see him standing there, with a bright smile on his lips and crescent-shaped eyes.

“Ah, what a surprise! Hello, valued customer.” His playful attitude is enough to light up your day.

“Hey Jimin. Sorry for dropping in but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, c-can we talk?” You stutter, not realizing you were slurring your words together. Jimin nods, obviously worried about his new friend.

“What happened yesterday?” He takes you to the back of the café, an area where there are less people and you have more privacy.

“You know the friend that was here with me yesterday?” He nods, allowing you to grip his hand and squeeze it for comfort. He’s a really kind person, letting you open up to him without judgement. “She slept with another good friend of mine and ghosted him. And yesterday I went to his house and we talked about it and he cried on my shoulder, but today…”

You feel tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “...He was talking about what a good lay I was, lying about sleeping with me to a group of underclassmen.”

Your breathing is uneven as Jimin stares directly at you, keeping his gaze strictly on you. You feel naked, exposed, and vulnerable. But his reassuring smile makes you feel a little bit better. Just a little bit.

“Hey, break’s over, get out there.” You see the same man from yesterday, the guy who Jimin claimed was his boyfriend. He looks like the polar opposite of your mellow friend, with a darker aura radiating from him.

You feel like a deer under a lion’s gaze, as he closes in on you, backing you into your corner, making you feel even more vulnerable than before.

You only hoped he wouldn’t try to chase you away, as yesterday he gave you a very uncouth glare, displaying his annoyance with your friendship with Jimin.

You hope with time he will be able to accept you and possibly become a friend of yours as well, but for now, you can only run with your tail tucked between your legs. Just as you’d been running away from your so-called best friends in school.

You were even considering running to Jaehyun and trying one of his edibles, since he had offered a generous amount of times; it would only be courteous of you to finally accept and try it, as you’d been hearing “don’t try it, don’t try it,” your whole life.

You don’t care anymore, and hopefully under Jimin’s wing you will be able to learn about true friendship.

“Aren’t you the girl who asked for Jimin’s number yesterday?” His surprisingly solemn tone catches you off guard, as his eyes tell another story. Maybe that’s just the way he is, physically a very intimidating person but on the inside he might be a fluffy kitten! Okay, maybe not a total kitten, but still squishy. Why else would Jimin date him? He has to be a decent person, unlike all the people you called your friends.

“I am, thanks for noticing. Is there anything you wanted to tell me?” You try to sound as non-threatening as possible, holding your breath, waiting for an answer. You hoped Yoongi didn’t see you as a boyfriend-stealer, nor a generally annoying person.

“No, just wanted to ask you if you need anything else, an iced coffee, some tea...pink lemonade?” His lame attempt at cheering you up makes you crack a smile after a while.

“Maybe some water? I’m a little bit thirsty.”

“Coming right up,” After filling up a glass with water, he slides into the seat across from you, whipping out his phone and humming a tune of a familiar song you recognized from the radio. “I’m on break. This time of the day, things get a bit slow.” You nod in understanding, respectfully keeping your legs crossed and your arms folded in your lap, not wanting to show any sign of weakness.

“What song are you listening to?” You ask, hoping to make some small talk.

“Uncomfortable by Chase Atlantic. It’s my go-to after a stressful day.” You shift in your seat when you hear that name. You absolutely adore that band, and the lead singer’s vocals are absolutely heavenly. You could go on for hours, but you don’t want him to know that yet.

“Oh, that’s...cool I guess.” You try not to jump

up and down in joy as that’s a lesser known band and not very many people know about them.

“Do you know this song?” He leans forward, sliding you his phone and showing you the cover of an old album, one you recognize to be “Don’t Try This,” and the song is GREENGREENGREEN. Their song titles are a bit questionable, but they are true works of art, so you can let it pass.

“I suppose I’ve heard it once or twice…” You trail off, watching how the curve of his smooth lips turn upwards, and carefully, you watch how he mouths the words.

“All I see is green yuh

Moving on your seat yuh yuh yuh

All I see is green, All I see is green, All I see is green.” You smirk, slowly singing the next part.

“It's green where the grass grows

Let the cash flow

You can keep your head high, keep that ass low,” You laugh, the man across from you grinning at how weirdly you sang the lyrics.

You and Yoongi continue listening to Chase Atlantic songs together late into the evening hours. It’s around seven in the evening and the air is cool and humid.

“You have amazing taste in music, I’ve never met anyone else who listens to Chase Atlantic with such passion! Jimin’s an Alec Benjamin person but I always tell him they have similar music styles…” He trails off suddenly, worrying you with the pace of his cutoff. “Listen, I had a lot of fun talking to you. And at first I really didn’t get why Jimin wanted to get to know you better but now I see what he saw. You’re cool, Y/N.” You’re more surprised he remembered your name.

“Thanks Yoongi.” You share a moment of silence, just smiling at each other as Jimin makes his way back to your table.

“It’s time for me to clock out, we’re closing soon.” He slides into the seat across from you, next to Yoongi, and you watch as Yoongi expertly sneaks his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder, and you feel small fireworks bursting in your heart. It’s not a weird feeling of jealousy, per say, but rather you feel mellow. You like seeing them together. You like this.

“Feels like just yesterday I walked in here and you gave me black coffee instead of an iced vanilla mocha because you were distracted by my sexiness.” Jimin girlishly flips his hair, and the three of you share a laugh before the lights start flickering.

“What’s going on?”

“Looks like there’s something wrong with the power. Jin!!! Did you mess with the electrical again?!” Yoongi runs back inside the kitchen, making sure everything is fine.

“We’re good, just a minor fix,” you hear the voice of another man from inside. You and Jimin exchange worried looks as the lights stay on for a total of 1.032342352 seconds and then they just turn off completely.

“Dammit, stupid thunderstorm outside caused a power outage through town.” You heard Yoongi cursing from the kitchen before he opened the door and stumbled outside back to you.

“Well, when are the lights gonna come back on?” You ask, clutching onto the table as you sink back on the wooden surface.

“News reports say power lines are under service and will be back in function in an hour.” Jimin shows you the article, making you shiver from the thought of spending the night at the café. You most probably won’t have to do that, since your car is right outside and you can just drive home. But do you really want to face your neighbors after a really tough day of school? No. Your bets are that they will probably try to infiltrate your home, failing are trying to “make it up to you.” You’ve lost any trust you had in them before, Jungkook and Jasmine really screwed up this time.

“It’s cold, isn’t it?” Jimin sounds steady, but you can faintly see the outline of his striped shirt and how his muscles contract as he shivers right in front of you. You admire him for putting up the dauntless act, but it doesn’t help as the sound of his teeth clashing give it all away.

“Here, take my jacket. I’m not that cold.” You offer him your coat and he hesitantly slips it over his shoulders. He doesn’t wear it, afraid of stretching out the expensive material and risking threat or wearing it out.

“Thanks.”

“Hey guys, can you come in here please? We need help with the door.” You and Jimin carefully make your way to the pantry, which is at a door at the end of the kitchen. You’d never been inside one in a restaurant, but you assumed it was the same as your school. The kitchen was the darkest room, but thanks to the dim lighting from Jimin’s phone, you safely arrived at the end of the path.

“What are you doing now?” You see a second man, taller than Yoongi and Jimin combined, holding a large box.

“We’re just taking this inside. This stuff is smelly, so we make sure they stay sealed in the pantry until we need them,” The older man has a charming smile, and you can already tell he is a gentleman. He looks a little bit older than you, but you can tell by his mannerisms that he’s a bit older. “And hi, I’m Jin.” He introduces himself, winking at you as he walks past, with Yoongi rolling his eyes at the lame flirting attempt. You thought it was cute.

“Coming through! Move over babe.” Yoongi warns Jimin, who holds the door open while you watch over his shoulder, making sure he doesn’t fall back. Not that you will be of any help.

“Oh crap, I think I forgot something in the kitchen!” You and Jimin make your way into the pantry, shrugging at the way Jin quickly left his post.

“So...what’s exactly in the box?” Your curiosity seems to know no limits as you keep asking questions, over and over again. Yoongi and Jimin, however, find it amusing.

“Vinaigrette. All the same type, same brand.” Yoongi dusts his hands and walks back to the closed door, wrapping his fingers around the cool metal knob before turning it….to find that it doesn’t open.

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Jimin asks, wrapping your jacket around him more tightly. You sigh at his adorable pout. But of course, you try to ignore their moment, focusing on your phone instead. Your battery is at 8% already, and you need to save as much power as you can. However, you also need to distract yourself.

“It won’t open.” You stand up. You’ve hated small spaces since you were a little girl and you refuse to get stuck in a food pantry with two insanely attractive men. What if you run out of oxygen? It’s not them, it’s you.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Yoongi notices your mini panic attack, as you pant heavily, now looking for some sort of opening to crawl through. You need to escape.

“I need to get out!” You shudder as the dim lighting of your phone suddenly disappears. Your phone just died. What the fuck are you going to do now?!

“We’re fine, we just need to call Jin,” Yoongi knocks on the door, and you all stay quiet to hear any feedback. What you didn’t know was that Jin had gone out to run errands and he wouldn’t be back until much later.

“Let me text him.” Luckily, Jimin’s phone has enough power to send one text. Jin replies quickly, telling Jimin that he’ll be back in half an hour, maybe even later because of the horrible weather.

“Looks like we’ll be stuck here for awhile.” Yoongi sits down on the floor first, making himself comfortable between two flour bags. You and Jimin make yourselves comfortable on the floor, shrugging as you snuggle into some things but the lights are off so you have no idea where you’re sitting. Your eyes are adjusted to the darkness, so you can see the faint outlines in the pitch darkness.

Then you think of all the things that happened today. How you overheard Jungkook telling people lies, and how heartlessly Jasmine let go of him (even though he partially deserved it), and all of the lies and betrayal. Jasmine has cheated on a lot of her past boyfriends, but for some reason you thought she would treat Jungkook differently. And Jungkook just cares about fitting in. You wish you could forget it all and go back to being friends, but you are just so, so sad. They broke your heart. You don’t know if you can trust anyone else ever again. You silently sob, hoping they wouldn’t notice.

But your stupid sniffles give you away.

“Are you..crying?” Jimin asks after a long silence.

“No…” You wipe your tears and turn to his voice.

“Tell us what’s wrong.” Yoongi’s warmth creates an almost suffocating feeling in the air as your breathing falters and you feel very disconnected from your environment. You can’t even tell if your eyes are open or not because of how long you’ve been trapped. It’s driving you mad. The only thing keeping you sane are the two men sitting in front of you...or behind you. You can’t tell anymore.

“I just want my friends back. And I want to believe that everything will be alright but lately...everything’s been horrible! Life just keeps throwing one obstacle after another and I just want to believe that everything will be okay but it isn’t! My best friend slept with my other best friend and now everything’s weird between the three of us, and my other friend decided to tell everyone that we’re screwing. I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! Everything is spiraling out of control and I can’t do shit,” You breathe heavily and silence follows, as the boys allow you to catch your breath, not inputting anything just yet. “Thanks for letting me rant. I just needed to let that out, I guess.” You bite your bottom lip, and you can smell the anticipation in the air as the boys wait for their turn to speak.

Oh wow, now you’ve robbed them of their words. Aren’t you the best friend ever.

“Can I say something?” Jimin waits for a moment before dictating his thoughts, “It sounds like you were just thrown into a random mess that had nothing to do with you directly.” He says, earning a cough from Yoongi. Luckily, the sleepy-eyed man is kind enough to cough in his sleeve (ugh corona) and he says, “I agree with Jimin. And that guy sounds like a bitch boy. I’m pretty sure he’s one of those coconut headed e-boy wannabes. Or just a plain fuckboy.” You scrunch your nose. “Jungkook isn’t like that.”

“Oh, with a name like that he’s bound to have a talent. Maybe he dances really well? Lemme guess, he’s a really good singer but is as shy as a goat.” You didn’t know goats were shy. Yoongi seems knowledgeable, so you don’t question him.

“He’s a good singer, alright, but he wants to be a progamer when he graduates.” You reveal it to them, all of a sudden going off on a tangent about your childhood crush and best friend.

“It sounds like you guys are close,” Jimin whispers in a hushed voice, so quietly that you almost miss him. “And from what I can tell, he’s insecure and wants people to think he’s cool. So he used you, as stupid as it was, I think he’s worth fighting for.” You feel a sudden lightness in your chest, like you just confessed something you felt guilty about. It’s as if he’s in your head, and he understands exactly what you’re going through.

“Jimin and I actually got together because of a misunderstanding in the first place, if he hadn’t fought for us, who knows where he might’ve ended up?” You can’t see what Jimin does exactly, but you assume that his face is scrunched up into a cute cringe of sorts, anything that man does is adorable.

“My parents would’ve forced me to become a pastor. They aren’t exactly the most open-minded people...coming out to them was the hardest thing I ever did. And luckily, Yoongi was with me all through the process after they disowned me and threw me out of the house. I guess I lost my biological family but I ended up with something even better.” You feel your lips turn upward, the first feeling you’ve experienced since sadness. You feel hopeful, and happy that the two men can freely be together without judgement from those around them.

You feel slightly jealous as well, since their relationship worked out and yours with Jungkook are in shambles. Maybe it’s not too late to fix this, but seeing as he hadn’t even sent you as much as a “Good morning” text, you decided it was better to leave him alone for now. The darkness is not only making you blind; it’s making you unempathetic. You do feel a bit of fear though, as the sense of not knowing what else might be in here with you is overwhelming and you literally want to curl into a ball and cry. “Your breathing is heavy again...are you okay?” Yoongi’s voice soothes you as you slowly recover from the mini-panic attack. You don’t know if you can take it anymore.

“Sorry, I’m just a little claustrophobic.” You hear some shifting as Yoongi makes himself more comfortable.

“Oh shit, I forgot about Jin,” Jimin pulls out his phone, as it vibrates with a text. Your vision is blurry, but you can see his face with the help of the dim light from his device. “Jin said he’s running late in traffic. We might be stuck for a little longer.” You snap, reaching for the closest thing to you, standing up on your two wobbly legs.

“I can’t do this! I’m going crazy, I need to get out! Anything...away….can’t breathe!” You start taking deep breaths, slightly embarrassed at showing the two boys you barely know your weak side. Of course, they are absolute sweethearts about it.

“Honja jjujeo anja

Saenggag man keojyeoga

Eonjebuteo neon nal apeuge haessdeonga

Neo jochado moreujanha,” He slowly makes his way behind you, snaking his arms around your shoulders in a very intimate manner.

“Neodo apeujanha 'cause you’re mine

I just want to blow your mind

Ireohge neon tto meoleojyeo man ganeunde,” You close your eyes and sink into his embrace, swaying in a movement that could only be described as heaven. His voice is heaven.

“I want you to be your light, baby

You should be your light

Deoneun apeuji anhge

Nega useul su issge

I want you to be your night, baby

You could be your night

Ibami neoege soljighal su issge…” He trails off, leaving you feeling speechless from listening to his honey-like voice. The song is also new, something you’ve never heard. You clap, astounded by his vocals.

“That was amazing!!! Thank you so much for doing that.” You can almost picture the cute blush on his cheeks as you praise him, but you aren’t going to let him know that.

“No problem.” As you both share a moment, Yoongi finds a supposed way out.

“Look, there’s a duct back here. Should one of us go through and see if they can let the others out?” You and Jimin share a look of suspicion but you volunteer anyways.

“I guess I’ll do it. Seems logical.” You get to your hands and feet, and Jimin gives you his phone, tenderly. There’s a gentleness in his eyes and through the blinding light of the flashlight on his phone, you could see his pupils dilate slightly. For a moment, it’s just you and him, as the rest of the world fades to black. You snap out of your daze when Yoongi coughs into his arm again, and you prepare to crawl into a dusty duct that’s been closed for decades.

You eventually find an exit, and you’re surprised at how long Jimin’s battery life was. It was only at 49%, despite him using his phone for half the time you were together. He must’ve charged it to the full 100%. You find a screw loose on another duct, opening it with ease and slipping into the kitchen. And then when you shine your flashlight, you realize your location.

You quickly run to the locked door and find that opening it from the outside is a piece of cake. The two men are thankful, but they still complain about the power. Jimin texts Jin that all of you got out, and he just tells you to go home.

The time is about 9:41, 2 hours later than you’d hoped to go home. Nonetheless, you had fun spilling your heart to these two wonderful men. You’ve never felt so close with a pair of strangers, but you can tell these two will become an important part of your life very soon.

༻• At your House •༺

“Where were you?” Your mother yells as you walk through the door, and you put your bag on the floor, flopping face down on the couch.

“I was at a café but then there was a power outage and I got stuck in a food pantry.” You nonchalantly tilt your head upwards at your mom, as her look of anger changes into one of worry.

“How did you get out?” She asks, bringing you a cheese sandwich. You plug in your phone upside down, but it’s okay because you can see the logo pop up after a minute.

“I crawled through a duct. It was fun but dusty. Oh, sorry for not texting you. My phone died.” She raises an eyebrow.

“Y/N...is there something you’re not telling me?” You fold your arms, whining like a baby. “Was there someone else with you?” You nod, not wanting to tell your mom in detail. “Okay, I’m not gonna ask any more questions. But earlier Jungkook came by, he wanted to talk to you in person. After he left, Jasmine dropped by an hour ago, saying she wanted to see you too. Did something happen between the three of you?” You sigh, turning right-side up on the couch, resting your head on your mother’s shoulder.

“Mom, can I please just go to bed? I don’t feel so good.” Instead of pestering you to tell her, she complies with your wishes, leaving you alone to go into the kitchen.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, I started renting the top floor of our house to two nice young men. They’ll stay with us, and we can get money.” You raise your eyebrows at her, not believing her fully. Your mom was never the type of person to do that. You had suggested it in the past, but she had never fully gone through with plans before. Especially big ones.

“And why did you agree to it?”

“Because they are so charming, Y/N, when I put the ad up, they immediately responded, saying that they’d do all the housework and help cook, and take care of the house as if it was theirs, even though they are paying to stay in one room.” You grab your backpack and make your way upstairs. After finishing your nighttime routine, you tuck yourself in and retire for the night.

You wake up with the sudden urge to pee. So, you run to the bathroom only to find a very unexpected sight. The same man with the crescent shaped eyes when he smiles is standing in your bathroom, brushing his teeth.

“J-Jimin?” He turns his head, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“I live here!”

“Me too!” Dear God, what has your mother done?

#jimin #yoongi #jungkook #reader #cafeau #barista #bts #yoonmin #yoonmin x reader #Poly #fluff #cute #high school

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nasa · 5 years ago

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How Do You Solve a Problem Like Dark Energy?

Here’s the deal — the universe is expanding. Not only that, but it’s expanding faster and faster due to the presence of a mysterious substance scientists have named “dark energy.”

But before we get to dark energy, let’s first talk a bit about the expanding cosmos. It started with the big bang — when the universe started expanding from a hot, dense state about 13.8 billion years ago. Our universe has been getting bigger and bigger ever since. Nearly every galaxy we look at is zipping away from us, caught up in that expansion!

The expansion, though, is even weirder than you might imagine. Things aren’t actually moving away from each other. Instead, the space between them is getting larger.

Imagine that you and a friend were standing next to each other. Just standing there, but the floor between you was growing. You two aren’t technically moving, but you see each other moving away. That’s what’s happening with the galaxies (and everything else) in our cosmos ... in ALL directions!

Astronomers expected the expansion to slow down over time. Why? In a word: gravity. Anything that has mass or energy has gravity, and gravity tries to pull stuff together. Plus, it works over the longest distances. Even you, reading this, exert a gravitational tug on the farthest galaxy in the universe! It’s a tiny tug, but a tug nonetheless.

As the space between galaxies grows, gravity is trying to tug the galaxies back together — which should slow down the expansion. So, if we measure the distance of faraway galaxies over time, we should be able to detect if the universe's growth rate slows down.

But in 1998, a group of astronomers measured the distance and velocity of a number of galaxies using bright, exploding stars as their “yardstick.” They found out that the expansion was getting faster.

Not slowing down.

Speeding up.

⬆️ This graphic illustrates the history of our expanding universe. We do see some slowing down of the expansion (the uphill part of the graph, where the roller coaster is slowing down). However, at some point, dark energy overtakes gravity and the expansion speeds up (the downhill on the graph). It’s like our universe is on a giant roller coaster ride, but we’re not sure how steep the hill is!

Other researchers also started looking for signs of accelerated expansion. And they found it — everywhere. They saw it when they looked at individual stars. They saw it in large scale structures of the universe, like galaxies, galaxy groups and clusters. They even saw it when they looked at the cosmic microwave background (that’s what’s in this image), a "baby picture" of the universe from just a few hundred thousand years after the big bang.

If you thought the roller coaster was wild, hold on because things are about to get really weird.

Clearly, we were missing something. Gravity wasn’t the biggest influence on matter and energy across the largest scales of the universe. Something else was. The name we’ve given to that “something else” is dark energy.

We don’t know exactly what dark energy is, and we’ve never detected it directly. But we do know there is a lot of it. A lot. If you summed up all the “stuff” in the universe — normal matter (the stuff we can touch or observe directly), dark matter, and dark energy — dark energy would make up more than two-thirds of what is out there.

That’s a lot of our universe to have escaped detection!

Researchers have come up with a few dark energy possibilities. Einstein discarded an idea from his theory of general relativity about an intrinsic property of space itself. It could be that this bit of theory got dark energy right after all. Perhaps instead there is some strange kind of energy-fluid that fills space. It could even be that we need to tweak Einstein’s theory of gravity to work at the largest scales.

We’ll have to stay tuned as researchers work this out.

Our Wide Field Infrared Survey Telescope (WFIRST) — planned to launch in the mid-2020s — will be helping with the task of unraveling the mystery of dark energy. WFIRST will map the structure and distribution of matter throughout the cosmos and across cosmic time. It will also map the universe’s expansion and study galaxies from when the universe was a wee 2-billion-year-old up to today. Using these new data, researchers will learn more than we’ve ever known about dark energy. Perhaps even cracking open the case!

youtube

You can find out more about the history of dark energy and how a number of different pieces of observational evidence led to its discovery in our Cosmic Times series. And keep an eye on WFIRST to see how this mystery unfolds.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com

#NASA #space #science #space tech #mysteries #dark energy #universe #stars #big bang #big bang theory #galaxies #space facts

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im-gettingby · 4 years ago

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30 Days of Carry On

posted (and written by?) @captain-aralias

(I’m doing most of these at once because I said so. it’s long so under the cut)

1. Favourite major character

I literally thought — Simon no Baz no Penny no, Agatha!

I guess I will pick Simon, since I relate to him the most — or at least, my connection to him led me into the fandom.

2. Favourite minor character

I think we all know this one 🐑🐑🐑

I have written many a treatise on Lamb Rights. I’ll spare everyone now

3. Character you relate to the most

Oops— I already answered this, kinda. I relate to them in different ways: I relate a lot to WS Simon because he has abandonment issues and “kid who was told he was extraordinary and then grew up to be ordinary” issues. We also both have a “fix all the things for everyone” complex, too.

Baz — It took me a while to get into Baz’s head, but I would say, I relate to him because of his intense emotional world and tendency to see the world through an intensely romantic/tragic lens. But also he’s a Pisces. and I’d never do that like a Pisces does. (Sorry, not sorry.)

4. Which character would you like to go to lunch with?

SHEPARD obviously. I don’t feel the need to elaborate.

5. Favourite non-Snowbaz ship

Ooh! Probably Lamb/Baz or Simon/Shep or just...literally anything. Like, I will read anything as long as it’s well written. The weirder the better. (Within...legal and moral limits.) in my other fandoms I’ve been a big multishipper and there’s not a lot of options for that in CO - which is fine - but wholeheartedly support rarepairs :D

6. Favourite non-romantic OTP

So, obviously Simon/Penny and Baz/Penny are great ones, but I think the nearest & dearest to my heart is Simon/Agatha. The kind of siblings/unwillingly dating/weird exes dynamic and the way they both shaped each other’s lives is just so interesting. And while Simon & Penny are closer, Agatha and Simon represent their aspirational selves to one another. And the way that they were both tied to one another along with their gender roles/places in society and both broke away at the same time is just...mwah

7. Favourite Baz outfit

I honestly dress kinda like Baz. Anything involving a printed silk shirt or a floral brocade suit, so like, all of them? I love WS Baz, his fashion sense is so thoughtful yet fun. He’s so expressive with it — in the sense of both being guarded, being sexy, and playing with masculinity/femininity.

8. How do you feel about Wayward Son?

In case it wasn’t obvious, I absolutely love it. I mean, from a writing/narrative standpoint, I don’t think it’s the most elegant or engaging book ever written, but it’s just so raw and fresh. I don’t see many examples of an author trying to do what Rainbow did, which is build a complex emotional AND plot-driven story with so many characters and so much lore. I’m very excited for AWTWB.

9. Favourite scene from Carry On, besides Chapter 61

I like what the book does/sets up overall. Honestly probably the first scene, where Simon walks to the bus stop & takes the train and just thinks about his life and makes lists -- I love Simon. I know Rainbow said she thinks that bit is boring, but it honestly says so much about his character in a short time. (and he’s an extremely complex character!) Also, Baz’s dramatic entrance. Also, the chapter where Baz says “and I’m hopelessly in love with him” because it’s just so dramatic, and it comes out of nowhere

10. Favourite scene from Wayward Son, besides Chapter 41

Baz and Lamb’s journey across the Strip - vampire lore, jealous Simon, Baz getting to be his own character— it’s beautiful.

11. Remind us about something in canon readers might have forgotten about

Ahahaha um. Simon says he thinks Baz’s cousin Marcus is fit. That’s pretty funny.

12. What are your hopes and fears for Any Way the Wind Blows?

I don’t have any hopes because I don’t want to be disappointed - and that’s not a cynical thing, I just want to go into it with an open mind. (I’ll take a break from fandom and reread the books beforehand so I’m (more of) a blank slate) I guess just...interesting emotional journeys, whatever that ends up being. There’s a lot that Rainbow has to do in the book and I don’t think any one person could get through all of it -- that’s why we have fanfiction.

Fears? I don’t know. I think just...the series ending. Even though I’ve been in fandom for less than a year I just really love this fandom & the thought of that kind of eroding away is sad. But also I don’t think that will happen immediately, and change is a part of life. I’ve never related as much to Cath as I do now :’)

13. An unpopular/cracky opinion you hold

unpopular: Lamb is the best character; I don’t want Simon to get his magic back; both Simon and Baz should have other romantic options.

14. Something from your head fanon

Hmmmmmmm well. Just mean things about Baz really. Like that he’s weird looking, not that great at football, and actually has kind of garish fashion sense. (which is a self-roast as well - see above.) I just feel like Simon/fandom put him on a pedestal, and Simon’s an unreliable narrator re: Baz anyway. So I like the idea that Baz is this average looking kinda strange nerdy guy who is everything Simon has ever wanted in life.

And before you tell me that Baz was hot at Watford and Agatha was into him, have you ever been to a tiny boarding school? Standards get weird 😂😂😂 and Terry being into him — come on. The guy’s a violent pervert.

also - back to Watford being a tiny school. Baz doesn’t have much competition to be the star of the football team. (also, does anyone except Simon even think that he is?)

16. Favourite location other than Watford

Vegas!

17, Favourite location in Watford

I’m pretty bad at Watford lore/geography bc again, I’m way more into WS. Probably the floor in the Cloisters where everything happens the same way, just a day later. There’s a fic there, but I can’t wrap my head around all the time travel implications enough to write it.

18. What would be your favourite subject at Watford?

Any potions-esque subject because I loved chemistry lab. Latin because I loved Latin in school. Uhhhh I don’t like history class, so not that — maybe a literature course focused on the derivation of spells.

19. What would your magical implement be?

Ooh! This is a good one. I’d like to think it would be a weird body piercing. Or a belt a la Gareth. Maybe some kind of traditional south Asian jewelry, like a nose chain or mang-tikka or something. maybe a hat. like, imagine your magical instrument being a fedora and you just have to...wear a fedora all the time.

21. Favourite canon spell

Hm. Kiss it better? Candle in the wind?I should try to think of a non-horny one. honestly they’re all so cool and clever - I love the magic system in CO/WS.

22. What would your eighth year spell at Watford be or do?

Maybe something from a poem I love. That would probably be pretty but not very functional. Or a healing spell.

23. Who would you want as your roommate?

Agatha is uptight, Penny is passive aggressive, Simon is a slob, Baz is both uptight and passive aggressive.

Definitely Shepard.

24. Favourite item of merchandise, official or unofficial

My @subparselkie sticker

25. Favourite book cover design

WS. Oh, another unpopular opinion - I don’t like the kevin wada cover of carry on. their faces look so weird and the colors don’t work for me. I own the version with the blue and yellow cover art instead

26. Do you want a movie? If yes - any fan casts for the movie?

Probably wouldn’t want a movie! Because I am way too possessive of these books/this version of the story. And I am historically extremely disappointed by adaptations — I get upset with the smallest of changes 😂

27. If they made a movie, what scenes do you think they’d cut that you’d be furious were missing?

See above. A LOT haha

28. If you could ask Rainbow Rowell one question, what would it be? (If you have already, you can share if you like)

What is Lamb’s full name????? Is it actually Lamb Lambert Lamborghini the third???

What is Rainbow’s relationship with sheep and goats. Why are there so many references to them

29. Have you read any of Rainbow’s other books?

Only Fangirl

30. How did you get into Carry On and/or Carry On fandom?

I read fangirl & the pages at the end mentioned carry on, so I read that, and enjoyed it but I wasn’t obsessed. Then I read WS spring 2020, reread it a bunch of times, reread CO, freaked out about the cliffhanger/cool vampire stuff/unresolved sexual tension, had pandemic cabin fever, got on AO3, and the rest is history.

As @annabellelux knows, I wrote my first (published) fanfic after reading her amazing fic Drop The Game. and the first fanfic I read was @captain-aralias’ Greener Grass. I was so obsessed that about a month later, I searched through the AO3 tags for it, because I couldn’t remember the title or author but kept thinking about it.

#tag game #30 days of carry on

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totaldramafan-lauri · 4 years ago

Text

Eurovision 2021 Opinions, Predictions, and Rankings

DONE.

I really cut it close this time, but I got a couple days to relax until the contest! >.<

God, I missed Eurovision so much that I think I rambled a bit too hard....XD So, if you don’t have the patience to read all of this, I don’t blame you! I mainly just make these for fun, heh....But if you do read this, PLEASE be warned that I have some very unpopular opinions this year. It’s not as bad as some other years, but there’s a few things in here that will probably confuse people. I’m not trying to piss anyone off, I’m just sharing what I think of the songs and that’s all. I can’t even vote, so.....yeah!

Also, uh....be warned for excessive gushing, because I like the VAST majority of songs this year. There are only two that I’m indifferent to, and none that I outright dislike. And even the two songs I’m indifferent to, I managed to say some good things about, so I don’t outright bash any of the songs! I’m not a critic, I’m just a big Eurovision fan being happy talking about Eurovision.

Ummmm, anything else, hmmmm.....well, the rehearsals have been done, but I don’t watch those cuz I like going in blind. I like being surprised. So, I have no idea how any of the songs will be staged, keep that in mind.

Now, I think I said everything! Into the rambling!

(In alphabetical order by country)

Song: Karma Country: Albania Thoughts: We start our list off with a song that...I wish I liked more! This song is pretty good - I like the music (though the instrumental breaks are pretty busy, with a lot of noise at once) and the vocals are excellent, but...it's a pretty standard Albanian entry in that it lacks that extra wow factor for me. In fact, when I say "standard", I mean that when I haven't heard it in a few days and I try to get in into my head, I'll sometimes confuse it with "Ktheju tokës" (their 2019 entry). And I know that isn't fair to it, but the fact that I can't make it stick in my mind really says a lot to how little of an impact it made on me in the long run. "Ktheju tokës" WAS good, and this song is good, but man do Albania really have trouble standing out in this contest (with the one HUGE exception, of course <3) Prediction: I don't think this will qualify for the final, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was proven wrong. Albania have surprised me multiple times in recent years. I kinda don't wanna be surprised this time, since it could be at the cost of a song I like more (and yeah, it probably will be), but I still wouldn't rule it out. This song does have a chance. But for now, I'll say no, it won't qualify.

Song: Technicolour Country: Australia Thoughts: Time to take off your clothes- wait, that's not it? It's "cloaks"? OK then, if you say so...Not only is this a very cool and unique song, but it's also pretty catchy! It's kinda hard to put into words how I feel about this song. When I first heard it, I liked it OK but I also feared that it would grate on me after a bit, but thankfully, it didn't! In fact, this song grew on me, just the opposite of what I thought. I enjoy this song quite a bit now! The singer's voice is really good. She has impressive range. And there's nothing else this year that sounds like this. So, while I don't love it, I definitely like and respect it! It's an impressive entry from Australia, and I'm sad that they have to preform remotely. I hope that doesn't hurt them too much... Prediction: Oh, I wanna say they'll qualify so bad, cuz they deserve to! And even when their entries don't get love from the televote, they still get carried to the final by the juries, so....I think they might! C'mon, it's a good song and it deserves to do well! I don't even love it that much and I can still see the talent and appeal of this song, so yeah, I'm gonna say it'll qualify! The betters are underselling this! Might not do that well in the final, but eh, at least it'll be there.

Song: Amen Country: Austria Thoughts: And here we come to one of the weirder things this year: like 2015, there are two songs with the same name, leading to some confusion. I'll get to Slovenia's "Amen" way later, but for now all I'll say is that that's the one I think about more BY FAR. To the point where poor Austria here gets completely overshadowed by it. XD And that's really unfortunate, because this song is pretty good! It's very emotional, even moreso when you read that it's based on the deaths of the singer's daughter and aunt. It definitely hit me harder after I realized that it wasn't just a breakup song...and actually about death...The lyrics are also very good, especially the repeating of "Tell me, is this what you wanted?" which is a line that kinda hit me even on first listen? It just sounds so...sad, yet angry, especially with how he sings it...Though I will say that the opening lyric simply being "Amen, I guess" could be easily made fun of...but I'm not gonna do it. Not to this song. Even though it's far from one of my favorites, (and in terms of sad family songs doesn't come close to "You Let Me Walk Alone" levels), it's a good song. Prediction: I don't think Austria really have that much of a chance....but that doesn't mean they're doomed. They could touch hearts with this song, or they could be overlooked, could go either way. I personally think, um.....they won't qualify. Just cuz of the competition.

Song: Mata Hari Country: Azerbaijan Thoughts: Should I be annoyed at how blatantly Azerbaijan recycled their 2020 song? XD Well, I'm not! If anything, I find it funny that they included the line "Just like Cleopatra", which I took as full-on self awareness.....And I also don't mind because the song is awesome, so yeah. I can't help it, I'm a sucker for this stuff! I don't care how many times the song's name is yelled, it still sounds soooooo good! The instrumentals are amazing! The one before the end is easily the best part of the song. Y'know, where she just says "Let's go" and then the beat goes crazy? Perfect. This is a very solid borderline favorite for me. My only real gripe is that...uh, it's "goddess", not "godless"...I can clearly hear her pronounce an L and it bugs me. XD Prediction: In true Azerbaijan fashion, I think this'll be an easy qualifier. It's not a front-runner, but it's a very memorable song and there isn't really anything else like it in the first semifinal (maybe Israel if you squint? But that's a stretch) In the final, hmmmm....maybe it'll place in the middle somewhere? I don't think it'll do as good as "Truth" at least. That's my prediction.

Song: The Wrong Place Country: Belgium Thoughts: Not only is this a grower, but it's also the biggest grower of the bunch for me. Every year, there's that one song that I start out mostly indifferent to, that I do NOT expect to like as much as I end up liking it. The "O Jardim", the "Roi". This year, it's this one. It took me a few listens, but now I really like this song. I can't even explain why, it's just....cool! I like the dark, somber atmosphere of this song, and how it doesn't cross over into overly moody. It's just cool. And I like the lyrics, too. They flow really well, and I like how much detail there is. The whole thing just works so well....well, except for the line about the Johnny Cash t-shirt. That's just baffling. And that's the lyric they end the song with...but other than that, it's a great song that tells a story, with the atmosphere to match, and I really like it. Prediction: The only reason I'm not saying this is an easy qualifier is that the first semifinal is gonna be a bloodbath. XD I just went down the list, counting all the fan-favorites that would normally be shoo-ins, and I counted ELEVEN songs. There's GONNA be outrage that day, I just know it. Personally, I think Belgium could still do it, but it'll be really tough. I want them in the final, but my opinion doesn't matter here. Them making it will probably take a lot of effort, honestly, and...it could go either way. If I had to give an answer to what I think will happen, I'd say that they'll barely not qualify. But I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong! (As long as that doesn't mean losing Croatia in the process)

Song: Growing Up Is Getting Old Country: Bulgaria Thoughts: This one's....difficult. Not the MOST difficult song to rank (that's Cyprus), but man, it took me a while to figure out what I felt about it. In the end, I've decided that I...kinda like it. I'm putting it right at the bottom of the "like" category. Now, I know that a lot of people love this song, so just let me explain: I don't normally enjoy this kind of vocal. I didn't care for "Sebi" two years ago cuz it bored me, for example. This song at least builds a little bit, but it's not that exciting. Musically, this song doesn't do much for me, and that's why I'm ranking it so low. BUT....I love the lyrics. This is such a relatable song. Growing up does indeed get very, very, VERY old, and I worry about it all the flipping time. I do wish I could run from those worries. I like the reference to anxiety. I like lines like "Playing Tetris with my feelings, tryin' to keep them all inside". I like the switch to “Getting up is growing old”. It's really clever. Not to mention, her lethargic vocals actually FIT this subject. She's tired. So, I do appreciate this song for, well....speaking to me, even if I don't love it like so many others do. Prediction: Will definitely qualify without much issue. I can also see it doing pretty well in the final, like....Bulgaria have been in the top five twice in recent years, so this could possibly put them back up there? I personally don't think this song should be that high, but hey, this isn't about my feelings, this is my prediction. Uhhhh.....top ten.

Song: Tick-Tock Country: Croatia Thoughts: The first of my top seven favorites! Ohhhhh MAN did this song blindside me! When I first heard it, I remember the chorus letting me down! It was mostly due to not being what I expected from the pre-chorus, I guess I expected the music to burst with emotion or at least be louder.....but after only two or three listens, it grew on me completely, and I found myself trying to learn the lyrics and sing along. This is NOT another "Icebreaker", that’s for sure. I love the whole thing as it is and I wouldn't change a thing about it. This song is so! Darn! CATCHY! That chorus is incredibly infectious! Man, that beat is so flipping good! And when it switches to Croatian for a chorus, mmmmm good stuff! As someone who actually really enjoyed "Crazy", I still say this is Croatia's most solid entry since.....geez, 2010? Hope this one is more, um, successful than that one ended up being... Prediction: Oh no, oh no, oh noooooooo~....I really hope this doesn't end up underrated like Croatia's entries tend to be, but something tells me that I shouldn't be....TOO worried? ....OK, I'm still worried. XD The first semifinal is LOADED with awesome songs, so unless the staging for this is really really cool, it MIGHT struggle to stand out? Keyword being "might", cuz this is still a very good song....Maybe just being a good song will be enough! Of my two favorites in that semifinal, I'm more worried about Slovenia than Croatia, honestly. At least Croatia have an upbeat song. I'll try to be optimistic, and predict that it'll qualify. A lot of people seem to like it, so why not? However, if it doesn't qualify, I won't be too shocked....There's a lot of fan-favorites it's gonna have to compete with to get through. XD If it does make it, then I can't see it doing THAT badly in the final...

Song: El Diablo Country: Cyprus Thoughts: Hoo boy, here we go....So, this is easily the hardest song for me to rank. I'm sure that after I post this, I'll already be second-guessing my placement for it. But for now, here it goes......I love the chorus to this song just so much! It's SUCH a good thing to belt to, and I wish I could. I even love the "OooooooOOOOOOOOHHH~" after it! She has a GOOD singing voice! ...Too bad she barely uses it. Yeeaaaahhh, I'm...not very crazy about the rest of the song. The speak-singing verses, I got used to after a while, but they're still just ehhh. And the pre-chorus where she's just panting in the back with no other music? The bridge, where there's that stupid "I love El Diablo" chant that sounds like a playground taunt? Annoying. It feels like she's trying WAY too hard to be Lady Gaga, complete with throwing in words to another language for no reason other than to sound ~spicy~. As a fan of Lady Gaga, I'm sorry, but you're not doing a very good job! As I've said before, it's hard to come up with a concrete answer for how I feel about this song, because it has stuff I like AND stuff I don't like! And not only that...it's a BIG divide between the two. I don't just like the chorus, I LOVE the chorus. It's a SHORT chorus, but I love it! There are times I enjoy the song despite my complaints with it....but there are other days where I don't have enough patience to deal with stupid panting and "I lOvE eL dIaBlO", so really, I'm super torn here. I know this song's very popular, and I can see the appeal, I just wish I liked it more (especially since I've really liked the last few entries from Cyprus). Prediction: This song's currently in the top ten in the betting odds, so I think it might do a lot better than I expect. I personally don't think it's a top ten song, but it'll at least qualify for the final. And maybe do pretty well. Left side of the scoreboard, maybe? Cyprus are NOT an underrated country anymore, and the song's got a lot of energy, and it's definitely memorable, I'll give it that.

Song: omaga Country: Czech Republic Thoughts: Another song that has me conflicted, but not nearly as much as Cyprus'. My opinion on this one is a lot more simple: love the music, kinda iffy about the lyrics. This feels like it's sung by the kinda person that Destiny from Malta warns the ladies to stay away from. "You say you're still mad about the things that I did, but I don't know what I did". "Why don't you come over and have it? Why don't you let me have it?" I'm not the only one who thinks he's being really pushy, am I? I do think this song's just meant to be playful, but, uh....it doesn't come off that way to me. I mean, I guess I like the rhyming of "apocalypse" with "on my lips", that's pretty clever and I've never heard it before? But...overall, the lyrics honestly kinda creep me out. It reminds me of someone who just will not take no for an answer even when it's obvious that his presence isn't wanted because he thinks that she's just "playing hard to get". And she's not playing hard to get! He outright says that he did something to piss her off! Dude, leave her alone! Even if you're playing dumb saying you "don't know" what you did, that's not a reason to keep pestering her! ....But, *sigh* I can't be too mad at the song. When you get down to it, the most important thing in a song (especially in Eurovision) is the music, not the lyrics, and...this song sounds fantastic. It's really catchy, with a nice fun party vibe. I do enjoy listening to this when I don't think about it too hard. It's probably the most fun I've had listening to a Czech entry, so I still like it for that. This isn't a song worth being mad over. (Except the title. That title is so flipping stupid. Just say "oh my god", it's not hard. But that's a nitpick, pffff) Prediction: I kinda don't want this song to qualify since there are others in the second semifinal that I'd prefer to make it instead. Despite liking it, this is still one of my more least-favorites in that semi. XD But I still say this has a fair shot of qualifying, despite being performed early. But with the competition in the party song department by Serbia, Moldova, and San Marino, and their fairly low amount of fan attention, I'm gonna say no for this one. But I won't hate it if it qualified (as long as it doesn't push out Greece or Finland, which I don't think it will).

Song: Øve Os På Hinanden Country: Denmark Thoughts: Heck YEAH to Denmark sending a song in Danish! It's great to hear uncommon languages in Eurovision from countries that normally send songs in English! And dare I say that that's not my favorite thing about this song? Because this is another of my favorites! This song's been getting a flack for being "dated", and....yeah, maybe it is, but so what? I never claimed to have perfect taste, and I LOVE this kinda thing! 80s music is back, I say! Gosh, this song is so HAPPY! Well, uh, I can't even understand it, but it feels happy. And the instrumentation is so flipping good! The horns, the strings, UGH! I can't not smile while listening to this. If you don't like this song, that's fine, it's not for everyone...but I really appreciate Denmark for trying something different this year, especially since it turned into something that's completely to my tastes. Prediction: Yeah, uh...the odds don't look good for Denmark. Performing last, after so many people have made up their minds? With a song that's already not popular at all? Yeah....if they DO manage to qualify, I'll be VERY happy, but I don't think it's gonna happen...Man, most of my favorites are in danger this year...Eh, I'm used to it. But I'll say that they COULD possibly do it, due to nothing else sounding like them!

Song: The Lucky One Country: Estonia Thoughts: Oh look, another one of my favorites! Wow, what an emotional gut-punch this song is....these lyrics are seriously SO good. "Why'd you have to go and mess it up? Why'd you have to make what was unbreakable / Shakeable, unsaveable" "For a little while, the fates were with us / Wonder why they had to turn against us? / I could make a wish, but there is no use" "Thought I had a cloud over my head / It had to be my fault that it kept raining down, until, now, I figured out / That if I had the nerve to say goodbye, I could look for clearer skies up overhead" I....think that's enough, but holy crap, this song's mix of heartbreak and optimism is just PERFECT. "You broke my heart, but maybe that's a good thing, maybe I'm the lucky one because you're awful and I don't have to put up with it anymore." It's emotional, it's bittersweet, it's powerful...and it SOUNDS powerful too! Those quiet verses bursting into that chorus is great! This song is so flipping good! Why is it so underrated!? ...Oh yeah, cuz people who want emotion are to distracted by Switzerland's entry, I guess...or maybe it's just me, but eh. While I don't love it quite as much as my top three, this is a very solid fourth placer for me. Prediction: This song isn't qualifying, and I've accepted it. It's gotten very little attention (the music video is one of the ones under 1 million views), it was dead last in the betting odds last time I checked, and to top it off, it's being performed second in its semifinal, which won't do it any favors. I really do wish it could surprise me, but I don't think it will. I'm not getting my hopes up.

Song: Dark Side Country: Finland Thoughts: OH HECK YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! Finland once again appealing to my tastes! OH MY GOD do I love this song! People have been heaping praise on this song left and right, so I can't say anything that hasn't already been said....but I'll praise it anyway! This song is so flipping intense! It manages to be dark while pumping me up for action, and being the best song at doing that this year. There's not much to say about the lyrics because I BARELY pay attention to them while listening (which is pretty much the only reason this isn't my number one), my brain just turns off all analytical thinking in favor of "HOO HOO HOO HOO EVERY PSYCHO IN THE SCENE HANDS UP AND FOLLOW ME" without caring about the actual words. I just love the music and vibe so much that it pulls me in so well! It goes so hard! That great hook that starts the song off also gives the song something catchy about it, too! Also points for including the line "We don't wanna grow up", that's great too. This is a song that you put on just to pump yourself up and feel awesome. The lyrics are pretty messed up, which makes me not wanna sing them out loud, but that barely counts as a point against it. It fits with the song's tone, and just....man, I remember how blindsided I was when I first heard it. That was my first clue that this would be something special. I'm also really happy that this song is getting attention because boy is that not true for a lot of my other favorites. XD Prediction: Despite Finland being one of the most underrated countries in the contest's history, with consistently poor results despite sending good song after good song...This one got popular, and most of the attention has been positive, to the point of it being just outside the top ten in the betting odds last I checked! So, I'm gonna be cautiously optimistic here and predict that they'll qualify without much issue. They're one out of only two of my favorites (the other being Greece) that I feel like I don't have to worry about. The song does a good job of standing out, which should help it a lot. As for how it'd do in the final...well, I want it to be in the top 10, but after whatever the frick happened with "Monsters" I'm convinced that Finland HAVE to end up underrated in some way...The only thing I can really say is that it'll probably give them their best result in years (since coming 11th that one time in 2014)? But that's all I can really say.

Song: Voilà Country: France Thoughts: If I can sum up my feelings about this one in one sentence it'd be....this is the new "City Lights" for me. Y'know, the Belgian entry in 2017? Got wildly popular, but I never fully understand why? Just found it kinda boring, and was indifferent to it? Yeah, copy and paste that here. In a year occupied by some really fun, happy pop songs, some really powerful ballads, and even a couple hardcore rock songs...a song like this is one of the favorites to win. And I'm sorry, but I don't...get it? Am I stupid? (Well, you'll probably think I'm stupid once we get to my number one but-) Why are people going nuts over this? This is one of the more boring songs of the year if you ask me! But that's being too harsh, cuz I CAN see that there's talent here. The vocals are nice, and I do give it points for growing on me at least a little. At the start, this was my least-favorite, but it's not anymore. I at least appreciate it for building at lot. I almost feel myself come close to liking it toward the end, when it's at its fastest. But that still isn't enough for me to see it as the potential winner that so many people see it as. If you like it, that's great! But even though I see the talent here, I can't jump on the bandwagon. I don't dislike it in the slightest, though. I will say that I'll take another "City Lights" over another "Amar Pelos Dois" any day of the week. At least if this song wins, I can say that it won't taint my view of the whole year. I'll just be like "cool, good for them". Prediction: I'd much rather Malta or Switzerland win over this, but I still can't rule out the possibility, which just how many people love this song and are rallying behind it. I can see the juries drooling over it too. If this does win, I'll see it coming, that's for sure. The possibility over a big five country that's not Italy doing so well feels weird, I'll admit...They're usually so underrated cuz they don't have to go through a semifinal. XD But back to my prediction, ummm....it's gonna do really well, I can't deny that. But since I consider myself Team Malta (or Italy) here, I'm gonna go with my gut and say that it won't win. Top five, though.

Song: You Country: Georgia Thoughts: Meh.....this one's probably my least-favorite, but not by a LOT. In fact, I far from outright dislike it. There are times when I find it kinda relaxing to listen to. Between this and my least-favorite in 2019, I think this one's less boring, which is a good point in this year's favor! It's more like...something's gotta be in last place, and this song's still pretty boring by comparison to everything else. But it's still a simple love song that has some nice lyrics, it's not annoying, and there's nothing wrong with it...well, there's nothing wrong with the SONG, that is... Prediction: Not qualifying. Yeah, this is an easy one. XD Now, um, I haven't SEEN this, but multiple people have claimed that the singer has said some really sketch stuff, which resulted in this already forgettable song....pretty much being a guaranteed flop. Granted, the video doesn't have quite as many dislikes as others (like.....P-Poland's....I'll get to that later), but it's still got a lot. If Georgia do qualify, I can easily see people getting upset. But I don't think it's gonna happen.

Song: I Don't Feel Hate Country: Germany Thoughts: OK, so....this song. This flipping song. By all counts, I should find it annoying. I really should. It's a song that reeks of passive-aggressive, better-than-you energy and I normally hate that! No, stop acting like you're sorry for me, you condescending prick! ...But dang it, I can't be mad at this song. I just can't. It just wouldn't be Eurovision without the resident goofy joke song, and this one fits the bill. Taking this thing seriously would make me look stupid. Not only that, but...I dunno if this is just me being very easily amused, but I just find this song funny? Like, actually funny? It's made me laugh multiple times! The lines that did so being the backing vocals going "SAY WHAT? He did not just say that!" followed by "Yes I did, and I feel sorry! I don't feel hate, that's the whole point of the song!" And even the stupid thing toward the end where it goes "So you can wigglewigglewigglewiggleWIGGLEWIGGLEWIGGLE-" It just puts a big dumb smile on my face, I can't help it! And the attitude of the singer goes down a lot easier when I think of him singing this to actual hateful people who lash out with bigoted comments, so that's helped it for me. If you don't like this song, I completely understand why. It's not for everyone! But it gets a thumbs-up from me (and not a middle finger) Prediction: I...don't know how this song's gonna go over with people? Will it annoy, or will it amuse? Will it be the next "Hatrið mun sigra" or the next "Moustache"? According to the betting odds, and the fact that it's Germany, I'm leaning more towards the latter. I don't see this doing particularly well. I can see the televoters liking it more than the juries at least, but it's still gonna be towards the bottom. I do think they'll do better than last or close to last, though. This song does have a lot of personality, that's for sure!

Song: Last Dance Country: Greece Thoughts: This song is breathtaking.....as in, whenever it comes on, it makes me stim so hard that I'm literally out of breath when it ends! And that's a really....really really good thing! Dear GOD this song is so awesome! Easily a top three choice for me. I already talked about why I love it before, and everything I said then is still true. I'm ever-so-slightly biased because I love songs that make me think of scenarios, and visualize them...especially when it's of, uh....w-well, uh....ideas of the comfort ship variety....And this song makes me think of dancing with my F/O (fictional other), feeling on top of the world, but also terrified of the moment ending, as she has to leave soon, so I hold on to her, not wanting to let go, wanting to savor this feeling until the dream is over....Uh, s-sorry for getting all poetic and stuff, but....I LOVE this song even beyond that bias! Listening to it is more of a rush than the song literally named "Adrenalina". The chorus BLASTS you with so much raw energy, it really DOES make you feel like you're dancing for your life until your lungs give out! You can feel the happiness, and the desperation, just so much...Truly, "Last Dance" is the PERFECT title. The verses aren't quite as strong as the chorus, which is the ONLY reason this song isn't my number one, but that dang chorus is enough for me to fall head-over-heels in love with it anyway. EASILY the best Greek entry for many many years. They've really, truly outdone themselves. Prediction: This has gotta qualify! Even if it doesn't get the awesome staging it deserves, it's still gotta qualify! This is one of the most popular songs in the second semifinal! Well, according to the betting odds anyway.....but c'mon! My energy SHOULD go into worrying about Poland and Estonia, so let me be right about this....let Greece be a shoo-in like I'm sure they are! I dare say that this could even finish on the left side of the board in the final! Unless some other songs REALLY surprise people live, but....for now, that's my prediction and I'm sticking to it!

Song: 10 Years Country: Iceland Thoughts: I wonder how Iceland feel about being the "projected winners of 2020". XD It's kinda like being an "honorary" winner, and....yeah, this country that's never won before, but has come second twice? They could've done it finally! But it didn't happen. It's like....is it a good thing to know that, or not to? Maybe a bittersweet mix of both....but the good thing that came out of it is that their artist got to come back this year with this song. My first word to describe this song is cute. It's a very adorable idea, being thankful for your spouse of ten years, and writing a song about it....Couple goals, honestly. XD That's enough for me to like it, cuz that's just so wholesome! But this is also a fun disco song, and it definitely stands out among everything else this year. So, thumbs up to Iceland yet again! Only other thing of note for me is that when I first heard it, the line "How does he keep getting better" led me to think this song was about a gay couple, and....it's not. He wrote it for his wife. I just find it kinda funny that I misinterpreted it that way, heh....(and it's not the only song that I misinterpreted, wait till we get to Portugal) Prediction: People love this artist and people love this song. It's gonna qualify. Not a winner (unfortunately for them), but it'll still do very well.

Song: Maps Country: Ireland Thoughts: Yet another grower. This is a really fast-paced song that I imagine would make good running music, and the lyrics are pretty good! I really like the line "My soul is a map, my heart is a compass, I am the road" for some reason...dunno why, but it sticks with me. Also, can't go wrong with strong drums! I just like the mood of this song overall, too. Happy, uplifting....freeing! Gives of the feeling of an explorer setting off to parts unknown, which is something that no other song this year does. Makes it unique! Whenever this comes on, I enjoy it a lot, but I sadly can't rank it any higher. It's still definitely one of Ireland's more solid, fun entries in recent years, up there with "22". I still like "22" a bit more since it was catchier, but this song is no slouch and I wish it got more attention. Prediction: *in the tone of Deerie from Helluva Boss* Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh, no...Sorry, Ireland, but I think you're doomed. I really like this song and I want it to do well! Ireland have had such bad luck in the past, too! But they've got no chance in the first semifinal. A miracle would have to happen for this to qualify. It's really unfortunate...

Song: Set Me Free Country: Israel Thoughts: Pretty catchy! I like the rhyming flow of the verses a lot, even if I still can't fully understand the lyrics (which....I dunno whether to blame on her voice or me not liking the song quite enough to wanna sing along to lyrics that go by so quickly). What I could make out is well-written, though - if Estonia's entry is about the heartbreaking parts of breaking up, this song is about the liberating parts. I'm free, now I can dance! "Set me FREEEEE~!" That part is so good. Sadly, this song isn't an absolute favorite of mine...partly cuz the "Imma, imma, aaaaahhh" parts are a bit repetitive and slightly wear on me, but mostly cuz of competition. It's one out of many upbeat, catchy songs this year, and not the best of them. Prediction: Ehhhh, this can go either way. I wanna say it'll qualify, though. Israel have been on a roll in recent years, and this song is good enough to continue that. I wouldn't call it a front-runner by any means, but it'll at least make it to the final and not bomb.

Song: Zitti E Buoni Country: Italy Thoughts: With very few exceptions, rock songs tend to...not do very well in Eurovision. Even when the songs are very good, fans of the contest just don't gravitate towards rock as much as the poppier stuff, and that's fine! Everyone has different tastes in genres, and rock fans and Eurovision fans might not overlap very much. But dang it if I still don't appreciate them showing up and loving it when they do! And especially loving it when they're as good as THIS! This song is SO good! I might prefer the Finnish entry in terms of intensity, but they're not really that comparable. This still goes REALLY hard, manages to be catchy at the same time, and I love every single turn it takes. That part where he sings really really fast, and especially that awesome bridge, ugh, it's all so good! It's not a favorite of mine PURELY due to loving other songs more, but this is one I like more every single time I hear it, and I've been bumping it higher and higher up through my borderline favorites until finally giving it a solid spot. This song's been getting a lot of attention and that makes me very happy, cuz it deserves it! Italy have topped themselves yet again. Prediction: Despite being a big fan-favorite, I don't think this is a winner....mainly due to, well, being a rock song in Eurovision (I HAVE heard the very rare complaint about it, like, saying the chorus is too loud, and....it's a rock song? That's the point???), but also....it's kinda the Italian curse at this point? XD Every single time Italy have a fan-favorite song, they just barely don't win (I still haven't forgotten how much of a shoo-in they seemed to be in 2017 before....well...people lost their minds). They do however, manage top five finishes, and I think it'll be the same thing here. I would love if it won, since I like it more than the three betters' favorites, but I'm not holding my breath. XD

Song: The Moon Is Rising Country: Latvia Thoughts: MAN this song's awesome! OK, so, you might've noticed that there are a few songs this year that have the same message: "I'm a woman and awesome". There's nothing wrong with that kinda thing at all, especially when said songs are all different in their own way! This one right here stands out RIGHT off the bat with a super powerful voice that cuts through everything and commands your complete attention, and DANG does it work! The lady's voice is outstanding, and the beat's not bad either! It's kinda repetitive with the "Padada-papa-rade" parts, but that's barely a problem when the rest of the song kicks so much butt. You got something to say? Say it to her face, coward! When it comes to the "I'm a woman and awesome" songs, I like Azerbaijan's slightly more. It's more fun. But this is a very solid song that I really enjoy, and I'm happy Latvia sent another song I like this much, with one of the best voices of the year. Prediction: Sadly, for as much praise as they've been getting on YouTube, Latvia aren't getting much love from the betters, so I have no idea how they'll do. It's very split. I wanna say that they have a chance, cuz they've got a VERY strong singer and I can also see some interesting staging to go along with it, but that's just speculation. XD Also, it's Latvia. When do they ever catch a break? So....this really could go either way, and of course I'd like them to qualify, but I'm gonna say they barely won't. Not every good song can be in the final, that's the sad truth of having so many slots.

Song: Discoteque Country: Lithuania Thoughts: Dance song for introverts, let's go! This is a fun, silly song with a good beat, and lyrics that encourage having fun by yourself ("Not like that, pervert!" - Sir Pentious, Hazbin Hotel), and....that's about it! There's not that much to talk about here, cuz with this song, what you hear is what you get. And that's fine, not every song needs to be picked apart and analyzed to explain why it's enjoyable. However, despite how much I love synth music, this song doesn't really hook me as much as other songs do. I understand the appeal, I understand why it's a fan-favorite, but to me, it lacks OOMPH. Musically, it just, kinda....stagnates? With the exception of that weird scatting part. And I think my biggest issue is that the lyrics, well, uh....immediately date it to this year, let's just say. I try to get around this by calling it a dance song for introverts, and that's how I usually think of it at this point, but yeah, it's kinda still an elephant in the room. But I still do like this song, I just don't love it. I'm happy that Lithuania are getting the attention they were denied last year, though. Prediction: Despite opening the show, I think this will be an easy qualifier, one of the songs to beat. I can see this being another top ten finish for Lithuania (maybe it'll finally break "We Are The Winner"'s record from 2006? We'll just wait and see).

Song: Je Me Casse Country: Malta Thoughts: Ohhhhhh MAN do I wish I could rank this one higher. If I wanted, I could bump it up to borderline favorite, but...I already have five of those! XD But dang it, Malta, a country that's never won Eurovision, finally pulls out a fan-favorite song (again, that is *cough*theyshould'vewonin2002*cough*), and I AGREE with that! Like the Italian entry, this is a song that gets better every time I listen to it. It's SO much fun! Not to mention the singer, Destiny - MAN, what a voice! One of the best voices of the year, I'd say (though I'm not surprised, since I loved her 2020 song too). Apparently she's a former Junior Eurovision winner? I'd believe that! I can praise her and this song for so long, and it's not even one of my favorites: I love the lyrics a lot! I'm all for positive messages, and this song manages to have fun while also doing that, AND taking jabs at sexists along the way with great lines like "I'm too good to be true, but there's nothing in it for you!" and the cute "Excuse my French~!" I love the fun swing instrumentals! I love the choir during the bridge! This is just a REALLY good song that deserves all the praise, and I'm so so happy for Malta. I'd best describe this song as "'Toy', but less jokey" (well.....lyrically. Musically, they're not that much alike, but....yeah, you get it) and I like it for for that! Prediction: Could this be Malta's year? A lot of people seem to think so! And....honestly, I'm all for it! I think this could be a very worthy winner. Not to mention, that of the current top three with the betters (this, Switzerland, and France), this is easily my favorite, so....I guess that counts as me rooting for it, unless some other song pulls a Conchita and shoots up the board after being heard live. For now, I'd say this is my pick to win (although my heart is still with Italy TTvTT) At the very least, it's a shoo-in for the final, cuz this is a singer who's been in this kinda environment and will probably sound great. I'd say at least top five!

Song: SUGAR Country: Moldova Thoughts: Moldova's back at it again with their silly antics! I absolutely love "Stay", but it's pretty clear that their entries get more buzz when they're being fun and weird. This song is neither the most fun or the weirdest of this year, but I still appreciate it all the same. Apparently this is the lady who sang in "Loca"? I remember that song....I don't think many other people do. Eh, I still like it, with its catchy rhythm, and its....weird rhymes....but this song is a vast improvement! I like the fun, flirty vibe to it. Sadly, however, with how many upbeat songs there are this year, this is one that kinda fades into the background compared to its competition....well, at least to me. It's good, but not great. I remember calling it a weaker version of the Azerbaijani entry in my first impression post, and that was way too harsh, but I still wouldn't rank it high. Prediction: However, I DO think this could qualify fairly easily. In the second semifinal with most of the mid- to low-tier songs with the betters (and really only Iceland, Finland, Bulgaria, and Switzerland being the ones to beat), this is one of the ones I think has a better chance of standing out. However, I've done this with Moldova's entries WAY too often....Loving them, predicting they'll qualify, only for them not to...I don't love this one, but it could be the same story here. For now, I'm gonna predict they'll qualify, though. I have no idea how they'll do once in the final, however...

Song: Birth Of A New Age Country: The Netherlands Thoughts: What a unique song! A language we've never heard before in Eurovision, incorporating the singer's nationality and culture into a song that sounds like nothing else this year. I'm honestly a bit surprised that this song isn't getting more attention! It's not one of my favorites, but I like it quite a bit. And not just for uniqueness points (that isn't enough to make me LIKE a song, just enough for me to RESPECT it), I honestly like how it sounds. The vocals are great, the beat is catchy, and the lyrics are very well-written. What was that about host countries never trying? XD Prediction: I want this song to do well, but I don't think it will....Well, I don't think it'll flop, but it won't be near the top either. Maybe in the 10-20 range. I do think the juries will like it.

Song: Here I Stand Country: North Macedonia Thoughts: So.....I feel like I SHOULD find this song boring, since a lot of people do, but...I like it. I don't LOVE it, but I like it! The lyrics are nice and....kinda hit home for me? At least a bit. The message of "keep pushing on, no matter what happens, don't let them break you" when coming out of a bad experience....It's nice. Kinda hard to fully explain without getting personal, so I won't. Not to mention that it has a good buildup, which is what I love in my ballads. In fact, maybe it's just me, but you know what song this reminds me of? "Home". At least musically. And I liked that song too, I thought it was underrated. Also, this has nothing to do with the actual song, but the video, but....even though I HATE being reminded of last year's cancellation, I like seeing the singer's thought process when writing this song. Even if people will probably think it's a pity party, I appreciate this song a fair bit. I know I'll probably look stupid for saying I think this song is more interesting than "Proud", but eh, that's FAR from my most unpopular opinion this year, just wait.... Prediction: Considering it's this year's "Home", and "Home" was so underrated that I believe it probably wouldn't have been in the final if it wasn't from the host country....Part of me wants to say that this song's doomed. Macedonia are normally one of the unluckiest countries in this contest's history no matter how good their songs are, and having one year where the juries loved them probably won't buck that trend. A lot of people are gonna overlook this song for being a fairly standard ballad, and yeah, it kinda is. So I don't think it's gonna qualify.

Song: Fallen Angel Country: Norway Thoughts: I loved this song from the first time I heard it. It was the first song of the bunch that I memorized the lyrics to. I like singing along to it. But I was certain, like DEAD certain, that it wouldn't go above a guilty pleasure to me. At first glance, this sounds like a really cheesy boy band song from the 90s, which is why I thought people were gonna eat it alive, and I was gonna have to attempt to explain myself for liking it (like I'm gonna do for the Polish entry). I grew up with this kind of music! I like it! And it's catchy! And the lyrics are just SO good! Feeling like you're not good enough for the person you love, and thinking that there's no way they can be happy with you, are feelings I really really relate to...so it's no wonder I jumped on those lyrics and etched them into my brain as quickly as I could. Helping that is that my current crush IS female, so I can easily sing this song while thinking of her...but even with that, I was still very hesitant to rank this song super high. After all, the reasons I had for liking it were purely just bias, right? That doesn't mean it's a good song, and people are still gonna make fun of it! I can see why they'd make fun of it! ....That's what I thought, but then I saw that it was ranked highly in the betting odds. And I no longer felt like I had to regret liking it anymore. And THEN, the music video finally was released, and HOO BOY, was this song so much deeper than I (or nearly ANYONE) thought...This isn't just a love song. It's about TIX's feelings of self-loathing. About being mistreated for a disability. It was his story. I was SO shocked at how wrong I was, and now I....kinda feel bad for projecting myself into it? I still can't help it, but....no, it's not about that anymore. I love this song fully and unironically, and I will never call it cheesy again. If you don't like the sound of it, or take it at face value, that's perfectly fine. But I love it. While this doesn't QUITE break into my top seven favorites, it's a very solid eighth. Prediction: Please qualify please qualify PLEASE!! Since it's in the Bloodbath Semi and fan-favorite songs WILL be cut, I'm really really hoping for this not to be one of those. This deserves to be in the final! I'd even say that this deserves it more than Slovenia and Croatia (songs I actually like more)! B-but...ugh...I can't say for certain that it'll be safe, that's the thing...but, haaaaah, OK, I'll predict it'll qualify. I think I'm overreacting. Norway have a pretty good record. I can see the people who like this song being enough to make it do pretty well, though it's definitely not a winner.

Song: The Ride Country: Poland Thoughts: You ever have a song that you can't focus on anything during? Like, you're focusing on something else with music playing in the background, but then that one song comes on and you just HAVE to take a break so you can listen to it because it's just SO good that it steals all your attention? That's me with this song. "The Ride" is right, it IS a ride, a ride I NEVER wanna get off of. And considering the only other Eurovision songs to effect me in that way have been flipping "Time" and "You Are The Only One" ("Stones" came close to doing that too, but I could at least still play during it cuz it was such good action music), then it should come as no surprise that yes, this is my favorite song of the year. And yes, I KNOW how stupid I probably look saying that. This song has NOT been a popular choice, but to heck with it! I can't help what music I like! This song is just so flipping catchy and fun, it's got a nice beat, and I've loved it from first listen! I'm not sorry! Heck, it's even kinda atmospheric in a way, in that it's a good nightlife song, giving off the feel of an amusement park at night with all the rollercoasters lit up with LEDs as you feel the wind in your face, no cares, no worries....just turn your brain off and sing along. I even like the lyrics, particularly "It doesn't matter if I stumble and fall / I'll make it through, I'll never touch the ground". It's enjoying life, it's the feeling of flying, it's feeling on top of the world, it's escapism. Have I defended this silly song enough? Point is: I. Love. It. This is the first time a Polish entry has EVER topped my list, which by default makes it my favorite entry from them ever, and I'm happy to give them love (they've been my second-favorite twice, but one of those barely counts cuz it was in a weak year and also a song that sounded bad live, so....yeah, my former favorite Polish entry was their 1998 entry, which....didn't do well, but uh, that's then not now ^^;) Prediction: This is what I've been dreading....for a song that makes me wanna leave all my stress behind, it sure does stress me out thinking of how much HATE it's getting, oh boy oh boy! Though, from what I've picked up, MOST of the hate has come from fellow Polish people who are upset that it wasn't who they wanted as their entry? So...that's not accurate to how everyone else thinks? Well, that's what I've seen, at least....This song's still not doing very well in the betting odds, and also, being an electronic song, the possibility if it sounding worse live than in the studio is....definitely a possibility.....S-so....yeah....Sadly, as much as I love it, I can't trick myself into thinking it has a chance....It's probably not gonna qualify....If it does surprise me (which HAS happened before with favorites I thought were doomed!) I'll probably flip out!! Unlike Estonia's entry however, I don't think it's AS doomed, might stand out more, and a small part of me wants to hope...The fact that the semifinal it's in, the second, is the one with the less fan-favorites, does increase its odds ever so slightly...b-but uh, I don't wanna get too hopeful! I don't want my heart broken again like with "Look Away" two years ago (which I LEGIT thought had a chance XD)

Song: Love Is On My Side Country: Portugal Thoughts: Kay, so first, before talking about my thoughts, lemme share the hilarious misunderstanding I had about this song for the first few times I heard it: I normally don't watch the videos, I only listen to the playlist in the background as I play video games or do other stuff. Even the first time I heard the songs, I didn't watch the videos, I just had the music playing in one tab and was focusing on typing on Tumblr. And....I thought this song was sung by a woman. True story. I thought it was a woman with a very unique voice, and I was gonna praise the song for that. But nope! Took me WAY too long - about over a WEEK, the time I decided to start reading comments - for me to learn the singer's a man. OOPS. XD But at least it kinda makes sense for me to think that way? With lyrics like "I never thought I'd be queen", he's clearly telling the story of a woman. In fact, I learned that it's the true story of a woman he met (I forget the details though). So yeah, I thought that was kinda funny, but how do I actually feel about the song? Well, it's a grower! I was worried that it'd stagnate for me and I'd end up indifferent, but the unique voice combined with a subject that I normally like (staying optimistic in bad situations) won me over. I don't love it, but it's nice and has good lyrics. You really feel bad for the woman (seriously, leaving home at sixteen?) so it's effective. I wanna believe love is on my side too... Prediction: This one's tough, cuz a lot of people do love this song, and it does a good job of standing out by being the slowest song in its semifinal, I don't really think a lot of people will gravitate toward it? And that it just barely won't qualify? But it could really go either way. I'm gonna predict it won't qualify and that it'll be the "robbed" one people will be upset about in the second semi. But maybe I'm just saying that cuz that semi will already be painful for my favorites, too...and I'd prefer Poland, Denmark, or Estonia's slim SLIM chances to come through over this.

Song: Amnesia Country: Romania Thoughts: This song is just a whole mood. I could just end my thoughts with that one sentence, cuz that really just about sums it up. XD Self-love is something I've always struggled with, and I've been trying really really hard to get better at it this year. Without getting too personal, there was something that happened a few months back that made me realize just how badly my hatred for myself was effecting people around me, and that I needed to lighten the crap up before it comes off the wrong way and....I-I bring others down with me....But after all that, it was HARD. It really did feel like I.....lost myself trying to have it all. But I'm slowly learning to better myself, and this song spoke to me because of that. "If you feel what I feel, don't bring yourself down, you're not alone, not alone now". It's simple, but it works. Admittedly, I respect this song more than I like it, but I do like it. There are just a lot of songs I'd prefer to listen to. And the POV switching from first to second-person confuses me a bit (she says that YOU'RE not alone, and then that SHE lost herself, and then goes back to YOU'RE not alone? Who's the one with the amnesia?) but that's just a nitpick, and I've heard much worse English in Eurovision than that. This is still a good song with a very good message that I needed to hear. Prediction: Even in the bloodbath that will be the first semifinal, I do think this song's mostly safe? Mostly...Romania haven't had the best of luck the past 2-3 years, but their record is still mostly hits, and this song's still the favorite of people. But some favorites are gonna get snubbed, and honestly, I wouldn't mind if it's this one. There are songs I like more. But for my actual prediction, um....I think it'll qualify.

Song: Russian Woman Country: .....Russia Thoughts: This one's a grower. I can't deny its catchiness. Sometimes it's gets in my head completely randomly, particularly that slow part with the...is that a choir? Um, background singers. That part (I don't wanna butcher Russian lyrics, sorry! >.<) But, even with that, I don't fully love this song. I know it's gotten a lot of attention, but to me, it just....doesn't hit very much? I thought about it, and I came up with this: this is a song by a Russian woman, for Russian women, and ONLY Russian women. It's about how strong they are, and how they should rise up against their country's sexism and- it's all very specific to Russia? So, I can't really enjoy it as much as the people its aimed at, and that's fine, because, well, it's NOT aimed at me and I shouldn't pretend it is! I'm not even in the target audience for this whole dang contest! XD So, my opinion DOES NOT reflect what I think of the quality of the song. The song's good. It's very catchy. There's nothing wrong with it. I just can't relate to it, which make it my personal least-favorite of the "I'm a woman and awesome" songs of this year. (What happened to Little Big tho?...) Prediction: Yeah, they're gonna easily qualify, even in such a stacked semifinal they're safe. They've been shooting up the betting odds recently, so I feel like they could do very well, maybe even finish in the top ten. Russia's like Sweden in that if their entry is popular, its guaranteed a spot toward the top. XD

Song: Adrenalina Country: San Marino Thoughts: Holy CRAP is this one heck of a grower! When I first heard it, I was more confused by the sudden appearance of Flo Rida of all people to really think about if I like the song. And for a while, I didn't even think I liked the rap all that much? I do like plenty of mid-song raps, but this one I felt didn't really fit the song all that well. Like it was just pasted in there from another song entirely. But, a few listens later, and I started rapidly liking this song more and more. Fitting for its name, there's just nothing but energy here. It's a great song to put on to just....pump me up! The whole thing's just dripping with a sense of pure fun. The instrumentals are great, it just sounds so good! In terms of growers, this is a close second to the Belgian song. Also, while I'm not a huge fan of Flo Rida normally, comparing past Sanmarinese entries I will say that his rap is a LOT better than the rapping in "Who We Are" was, that's for sure! Prediction: This song doing so well in the betting odds is.....honestly amazing. XD This is the most hype San Marino's EVER gotten, which I think could qualify them for the final? But also, maybe not...with San Marino, you never know. They are helped by Flo Rida's name recognition but there's NO way he's as big in Europe as he is in America (and even in America, I haven't met that many people who are actually fans of Flo Rida), so...is it enough? I think it very well could be! It's a very good song, and Senhit's been in Eurovision before so hopefully she knows what she's doing on stage. Also, this is a song that better have cool staging with it! But for my prediction....screw it, I'm gonna predict they're gonna qualify. I even say this as I have favorites in the second semifinal that they're definitely gonna push out, but ah well...

Song: LOCO LOCO Country: Serbia Thoughts: Yet another super fun, upbeat song! And while I don't love this song as much as others (Poland's, Denmark's, and Azerbaijan's entries, even San Marino's at this point), this is still one of my more favorite of that type, and I....honestly couldn't tell you why! It has a lot of energy, but it sounds different enough to stand out. And it's catchy while not being in English! I kinda wish I could learn Serbian so I could sing along to this...XD It also grabs my attention from the very start. I dunno why, but I love that "Hur- Hur- Hur- Hurricane!" followed by the beat starting, I find it to be a cool and infectious way to pump me up for the song. Overall, one of the songs that I don't think about a lot, but when it comes on, I enjoy every second...Oh and also it has one of the most exciting key changes of this year so there's that too. Good job to Serbia! Prediction: I think this one's a fair bet to qualify! However, it's not guaranteed. They're not attracting THAT much attention in the betting odds (which surprises me a bit), but the second semifinal seems to be where MOST of the lower-ranked songs are (sadly, says the person with three favorites in it), and among those, I think Serbia will most likely make it. The song stands out a lot. So I'm gonna predict they'll qualify! But if they don't, ah well, it could be to make way for a song I like more (hopefully...I wouldn't wanna say goodbye to this song to make way for the Czech or Austrian songs), so I wouldn't mind THAT much I hope. As for the final, they're definitely not a front-runner, so I could see them ultimately stuck around the middle. Unfortunate since I like this song a lot.

Song: Amen Country: Slovenia Thoughts: Where to start with this one....This is one of my favorites, and it's in the same way as "Stay" in 2019 and "Mall" in 2018 where I have a hard time really articulating why. It's a song that makes me FEEL, and it's hard to convey that in words, so yeah! This song just....hits me so hard in the gut whenever I hear it, so I love it! It's effective at its job! Even the big thing that I thought would hold it back for me - being a religious song - didn't hurt it at all in the end. The lyrics are ambiguous enough that it doesn't JUST come off as preachy and religious and that's all. It can also be taken as a song of rising above tragedy...The most religious thing it does is mention the heavens casting you out, and that can be taken in multiple ways. But if it is meant to be religious, that's fine, I've already made the decision to love it. I'm agnostic, so I don't outright hate religious music if it's not trying to shove messages in my face. The moment I fell in love with this song was one day when I was feeling really down, was listening to the playlist to unwind, and then this song came on right after Romania's entry (which I already talked about relating to a lot). When I heard the chorus, I literally teared up. THIS is the song that made me cry this year. Not Austria's or Spain's (the songs literally about dead family members), but this one. Is that...something to be ashamed about? XD I just....really love the lyrics...."The storm's relentless, but everybody knows, everybody knows we're born to the fight"...It really just sounds so uplifting, and yes, spiritual. And even beyond that, I just like how the song sounds! I love ballads that build, and this one BUILDS, with such a soaring chorus. The vocals are outstanding, too! That's one powerful voice! I also really love how, after you think it's over, it comes back for one final chorus, that's probably one of the best parts of the song. This song makes GREAT use of the recorded backing vocals, making the choir sound absolutely massive, a lot more than it'd be live. It really makes it sound so big and grand....Uh, I've rambled about this song enough, haven't I? Uhhh, point is: This is my favorite ballad of the year and I'm not sorry. I think it's underrated as heck. Prediction: And because it's underrated as heck, and in such a packed bloodbath of a semifinal crammed full of fan-favorites battling to the death, I....don't think....it'll qualify.....I'd obviously LOVE it too, but the competition's so flipping strong, and....I-it's still just a ballad, so it's not to everyone's tastes...I-I've come to terms with that fact, and if Croatia make it, I'll try not to be too bummed when this doesn't.

Song: Voy A Quedarme Country: Spain Thoughts: At first, I was pretty indifferent to this song, but it slowly grew on me, and now I like it. It builds just enough to keep me interested. It's still low tier compared to everything else, but I can appreciate it all the same. It sounds so emotional that I went into comments to see if there was some kind of story attached to it, and, uh....let's just say that there is, and....it's depressing. But it did make me respect the song even more. There's not a lot to say here, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It's just....overshadowed, I guess. Not a standout song, but it's genuine, and I like it just fine for what it is. Prediction: Oof...Spain once again find themselves overlooked, and even though the song's fine, I can see why. I can't see this doing very well...If flipping "La Venda" ended up an underrated flop, a song like this isn't gonna get Spain outta their rut. I really do wanna see them do well! But this isn't the year for that.

Song: Voices Country: Sweden Thoughts: Dang it....they did it again. XD Part of me wanted to be bummed that we didn't get The Mamas again, cuz they would've been my favorite last year, but....Sweden know what they're doing, and what they brought us was still really, really good. Like.....REALLY good. Are the lyrics on the generic side? Ummmm.....maybe? I have said that this is a relatively "safe" entry, but that doesn't mean it's not really good. More like...there's been a lot of songs with similar lyrics in Eurovision. But that doesn't take away from the music at all, which is awesome. The chorus is nice and big, the vocals are good, and the little bagpipe bits are such a neat touch. There isn't any big standout elements to me, and it's nowhere near "Too Late For Love" level, but it's just a very solid song. And.....dare I say, better than that other popular song that mentioned a million voices. Prediction: Do I even need to say anything here? XD It's a popular song from Sweden. It's gonna qualify and place in the top ten! Done!

Song: Tout l'Univers Country: Switzerland Thoughts: Switzerland are riding the high from "She Got Me" and have once again sent a big fan-favorite song! Except this time, it's one of the predicted winners! What do I think of this? Well....it's a good song. I love powerful ballads, and this one adds drums, which I also love! But at the same time....I'm not nearly as crazy about it as other people are. Don't get me wrong, I LIKE it, but...I feel like we already got this kinda song with "Arcade"? I mean, there are differences, but its got a very similar sound with a similarly big chorus. But then again, I do think that just calling it "'Arcade' but in French" would be WAYYYY too harsh. It's not a copycat, it's very much its own thing. It just seems to be a coincidence. Also, even compared to this year's songs, I enjoy Slovenia's more? If I want a powerful song, I'd take that over this. MAYBE if I understood the lyrics, I'd like it better, but even so, this song doesn't WOW me, even if it's good. I'm happy for Switzerland, but....dang it, I can't say the O word here, cuz I hear the appeal and don't wanna come off as mean to a song I DO like aaaaaaa- Prediction: Even though it's not a personal favorite, I'm not gonna deny that this song could possibly win. I feel like the juries would adore it on top of all the attention its already getting. So, yeah, it's definitely making it to the final and doing very well. As for winning, I....honestly don't think so, but only cuz of how strong the competition is. So, I'll just say that right now, it's looking like this song will give Switzerland their best result in a long long time, doing better than "She Got Me" and (tragically) "Cool Vibes". It's obvious that in terms of how I'd rank the big favorites, I'd personally prefer Malta winning, but I would prefer this to France, so it's in the middle. But even putting my opinions aside, I really can't see it pulling off the win, at most coming really close.

Song: SHUM Country: Ukraine Thoughts: Like with Malta and San Marino's songs, this is a song that, while not a favorite, gets better and better the more I hear it. I should really think about it more often, cuz this song is REALLY cool! My first instinct was to compare it to "Fire Of Love" from two years ago (a song that wasn't popular even though this song is?) but after some time, I realized that that isn't a fair comparison. Literally the only similarity is the vocal style. Everything else is different. But man is this song fun! I could look up what the lyrics mean, but I don't really feel like the lyrics matter here as much as the music does. This song is clearly about the beat. I love synth music, and I also like bouncy stuff that I can rock along to, and this song is as bouncy as can be! The lyrics do repeat, but weirdly I don't find that repetitive at all. And once I got used to it, I started to love the speed up. It's a really exciting end to the song. Talk about going out on a....high note! Haha! S-sorry.... Prediction: Yeaaaahhhh, there's no doubt that this song's gonna do very well indeed! People love it, and for good reason! It's a sure qualifier for the final, and could very well finish in the top ten.

Song: Embers Country: United Kingdom Thoughts: And finishing off this list is yet another upbeat happy song! God, I love how many of these there are this year....This one is far from the best of its kind, but it's still a lot of fun. The vocals stand out, the lyrics are nice and uplifting, and it's definitely the UK's bounciest entry in quite a few years. It feels like finally getting that uptight friend of yours to loosen up and party, y'know? XD I don't have much to say about this song, but I do like it. Prediction: What happened to "Bigger Than Us" was unfair, both its placement in the lineup and its treatment by the televoters, and it's pretty much cemented my idea that even if the UK send one of the best songs of the year, they will NOT catch a break, and that just sucks! (well, the exception being 2011, where it was the JURIES that screwed them over instead! Still did good for their standards tho) And also, like I said, this isn't the only song like this this year, so it's bound to get overlooked in favor of more popular (and even better) party songs. I don't think it'll be LAST, but it won't do particularly well. Definitely more toward the bottom than the top.

Aaaaaaaand there we go! That's all of them! Geez, despite having less entries then the past few years, this still was a LOT of rambling....so if you skipped ahead, I totally understand why. XD But if you did read all that, I'm happy you did! But I'm also sorry, pfffff. But now, the important part, my rankings!

Favorites:

1. Poland 2. Finland 3. Greece 4. Estonia 5. Denmark 6. Slovenia 7. Croatia

Borderline Favorites:

8. Norway 9. Italy 10. Azerbaijan 11. Latvia 12. Sweden

Like:

13. Belgium 14. Malta 15. San Marino 16. Serbia 17. Ukraine 18. Iceland 19. Ireland 20. UK 21. Cyprus (today at least) 22. Australia 23. Netherlands 24. Moldova 25. Romania 26. Germany 27. North Macedonia 28. Portugal 29. Israel 30. Lithuania 31. Russia 32. Switzerland 33. Czech Republic 34. Albania 35. Austria 36. Bulgaria 37. Spain

Indifferent:

38. France 39. Georgia

#eurovision #opinions

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