#...i feel like. this is very obvious but. in my defense. im bad at hints

[poisonhemloc]

hey i’m a few years late to the party with probably a really obvious observation but

(Friend Currently Playing Outer Wilds you’re not here yet skip this post)

The quantum shards on the different planets are because of Dark Bramble, aren’t they

Planet 5 is infected-> Dark Bramble breaks it into pieces-> no one is around or observing to see the Quantum Moon, which gets hit directly by the explosion-> shards break off the moon-> because no one’s around to observe the moon isn’t locked into any one spot and shards break off at all locations, except the just broken Dark Bramble-> you have quantum shards from the moon on all the planets

that also explains why there’s two separate shards on Timber Hearth- two pieces of debris hit

[thewhizzyhead]

mood atm: currently rereading a lot of watt fanfics and also basically replaying the entire watt boot in my head for hints cauSE GODDAMNIT I KNOW THERE ARE SOME CHEERWIVES-CHECKATE PARALLELS HERE BUT I JUST CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT like obvious character traits aside (riley & chess being the friendlier ones in their respective duos and having um overachiever-ish traits in a way that they both seem to fear disappointing people whie cairo & kate are um not only attached and not-so-secretly in love with their best friends but also seem to be almost the polar opposites of both riley and chess in a way that both are very brash, stand-offish, and kinda bitchy), i really feel like there is something kinda eerily similar in their motivations and friendship dynamics. Like um i kinda feel like in a way, chess and kate are basically what riley and cairo want to be since um in my opinion:

(also credits to @ari-is-anxious for like a big chunk of my ramble cause a lot of the things im gonna say here are basically rephrased versions of their tag rambles so yea credits to them and go check them out!!) (Also check read more for a more lengthy and detailed ramble about um the cheerwives-checkate thingy)

(1) riley's whole thing is that she wants the team to be worthy of not being called the "worst team ever" and prove herself as a worthy captain - chess had already achieved something similar through being a really freaking good gymnast worthy of going to the Olympics (I remembering reading a post or a fic back then that suggested that Riley could have resented Chess for um having all these opportunites and basically throwing it all away which could be another minor reason on as to why she killed her and I think that interpretation has some merit),

2) Cairo wants to have a closer friendship with Riley akin to the one they had way back then (woo Eighth grade woo) her umm i guess "obsession" (i don't think that's the right word fnsnd maybe investment?? interest???) towards Chess and Kate's friendship (which imo is rather apparent when she teases kate and when she and kate fight right after Phoenix) could be interpreted as jealousy especially towards Kate since she has what Cairo wants - a closer relationship with her best friend & a best friend that actually doesn't push her away

and 3) (although this is kinda wishful thinking on my part) i think both Riley and Cairo want the relationship that Chess and Kate have: a really close friendship that isn't competitive or concerningly codependent at all AND a friendship with healthy communication and a much healthier um support system (to be fair Checkate also had these problems i.e the scene before BTB but only the audience knows that, in Riley and Cairo's POV, everything is going fine between the two of them and (in Cairo's POV) both are basically girlfriends; also let's face it Checkate is a much healthier friendship that Cheerwives). It is rather obvious that both Chess and Kate value each other very much and as shown in Wallflower, that is exactly what Riley and Cairo want from each other: to be valued and to have their efforts be respected.

then i knOW that Riley, Cairo and Kate being the main MAIN characters of WATT (credits to @ari-is-anxious for the Soldier, Poet, King comparison, also really check out their tags on their posts cause their tag analysis are GREAT!!!) has i dunno sOMETHING to do with the whole checkate-cheerwives parallel thing BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS EXACTLY JDJSJV BUT LIKE UM in a sense of how Kate and Cairo react to the events in WATT, they are kinda um two sides of the same freaking coin cause um Kate - with her always at Chess' defense in Act 1 and wanting to avenge her death - kickstarts the plot of Act 2 by being the first to suggest that they should go to the police and by being the first to suspect that the killer is one of them (the latter is her very much on Defense mode - pun intended) then Cairo, who convinced everyone to frame Mattie in Defense which then also pushes the plot even further - starts IDK and goes on to suspect and question eVERYONE BUT RILEY aka her also going on the defensive because at this point i think it's very much agreed upon that by Wallflower Reprise, she already knew who the killer is).

So yea it is evident that the two girls want to preserve what is left of their respective relationships (kate kinda mentions this in the argument after Phoenix) by defending their best friends at any cost - thereby moving the plot. aND THEN THERE'S ALSO THE WHOLE THING ABOUT CHESS AND RILEY BOTH BEING FRAMED AS THE HEROES IN THIS SCENARIO (i have seen a lit of people say that they thought Chess was gonna be the hero here) AND THERE ARE A LOT MORE STUFF THAT I WANNA RAMBLE ABOUT BUT GOD I'M BAD AT BEING SPECIFIC JUST UM KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING THERE SO BRJFJSJDJ

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[hello-yue-here]

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

[ajdrawshq]

For the niche ask game: Terra, Repliku, and Namine

FUCK YEAH THANK U OK

I'm gonna skip the smell question bc I literally do not know what to say abt that for anyone

Terra my beloved

• Song that reminds me of them: the only song I've ever associated with him is.. apparently Apocalypse by Sleeperstar according to my spotify playlist for him

• An otp: tbh,, I dont actually ship Terra with anyone

• A notp: anything w the minors and also,,, lowkey Terraqua,,, just bc I dont see them like that but since there's So Much of it its just. Yknow. I'm v sorry Terraqua enjoyers u do u

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: I enjoy his relationships w Aqua and Ven so much....... AND WITH RIKU their interactions are so good

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: HES NOT THAT DUMB. PLEASE I know its just a fandom joke but I could go on and on abt how the way he was raised and how the total lack of proper guidance fucked him over so so bad but also there was no fucking way for Terra to figure out the stuff happening behind the scenes. Not once does he actually assist the villains without rightfully believing hes doing the right thing, the closest exception I can think of being when he helps Hook bc yeah that dude is pretty shady but he was asked to protect the chest, and only attacked in defense of it - something that is a defining trait of Terra, and his whole job is to protect the light which is vague as fuck so can u really blame him for thinking some of it was in a chest for some reason, plus Peter Pan is kind of a bitch so u can't really fault him for that fight anyway. And don't talk to me abt the sleeping beauty incident bc that wasn't his fault (although I admit its kind of funny that he just,, left) AND the entire Xehanort arc. Dont even get me started if Eraqus just let Terra know that Xehanort is up to shit instead of telling Aqua to spy on him and TELLING TERRA TO FIND XEHANORT WITHOUT ANY CONTEXT WHATSOEVER ALLOWING XEHANORT TO MANIPULATE HIM WITHOUT ANY TRUE HINTS ABOUT HIS MOTIVES we could've avoided like at least half the shit that went down in this game I swear I would've killed this old man with my bare hands. Anyway what was the question

• The position they sleep in: he takes up like 3/4s of any bed without trying i just know it.. and he seems like he'd be very warm. Sleeping next to him is absolute hell in the summer

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: does kingdom hearts itself count as a crossover considering all the d*sney and ff characters.. I just wanna see more Terra

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: how DARE u make me choose between his glorious flowy pants that I desperately want for myself and one of the best armor sets in all of kh.. but I'm going with his keyblade armor purely bc of that one shot thats just like. Terrass. Yknow the one

Repliku

• Song that reminds me of them: oh god I feel so strongly about this. I have a whole (very self indulgent and incomprehensible) playlist for them but I'm gonna say specifically Last Of Me by CircusP

• An otp: ok I wanna say Replinami. But. I've grown so attached to the idea of Repliku n Roxas being together its ridiculous

• A notp: w any adults obviously, and Riku and Replitwo. They're Siblings

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: on that note I'm very very soft for their sibling relationships w those two. Whenever I think abt the kh3 Riku n Repli scenes I cry. Also love the idea of them being friends w Xion and Vanitas. And Sora..

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: are there,,, really any popular headcanons abt Repliku? I can barely find any for them to begin with lmao but I CAN say they're not cishet. Bi transfem Repliku my beloved

• The position they sleep in: considering how their life has been plus how touch starved they are, they usually curl up into a ball and/or hold something close to them

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: does my idea of showing them Pokemon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back as a form of therapy and/or enlightenment count. Ok but i actually wanna see them interact with Mewtwo for better or worse i think it'd be fun

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: I've talked enough abt the darksuit for this one to be obvious I think

Naminé

• Song that reminds me of them: ooooh this is a hard one...... I'm gonna say Worlds Apart by Seven Lions

• An otp: Namixi and Replinami are both very very good

• A notp: any adults, n im not rly a fan of her being w any of the destiny trio or Roxas

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: on that note again i Do enjoy her general relationships with the above four.. and I like her dynamic with Axel/Lea tbh. And the idea of her and Terra being friends is vv neat. And I think she'd have a funky friendship w Vani. She has so many friends!! good for her, good for her

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: I cant think of anything in particular I disagree with I just think she should be allowed to kill people (read: Ansem TW)

• The position they sleep in: similar to Repliku, but she prefers being surrounded by something (whether it be pillows, weighted blanket, etc)

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: I think Naminé, Lunafreya from ffxv and Lillie from pkmn should meet.. they're sisters now

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: theres uh. Not a lot of options here (but all the fan made outfits ppl make for her are so epic and cool i love em)

[oh-theatre]

Objection!: Chapter 12

Chapter title:  Douleur Exquise

A/n:  Oh no! Another chapter im not proud of! Even though I rewrote it FIVE MILLION TIMES! Whatever I don't care anymore,,, WAIT THAT'S A LIE I DO CARE. Anyway, I love the idea of Royality just knowing they like who they like, it's cute. Um poor Virge, my bby I love him. Leave me some comments if you so, please! 

First | Previous | Next

words: 4790

summary: Roman doesn't listen to doctors' orders, which doesn't go well for him. There are new developments in the case. 

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, passing out/fainting, Crime Scene, dead bodies, crying

Ao3 Link  

“So he's actually doing it?” Virgil questions, Logan nods opening the door for the detective. “Thanks” he responds walking into the courthouse. Virgils not sure how to feel, this is all hes wanted for years, this one wish never-changing. “I want to help” Logan stops him, cocking his head.

“It's really not a good idea” Logan reprimands, Virgil huffs hanging his coat on the rack. The pair make their way to the front desk. “He's extremely...fragile” Logan chooses his words carefully “Asking for help was already a lot...he will come to you when he is ready” Logan decides, Virgil hides a smirk. It's been a hot second since the pair had hung out and it was always enjoyable.

“Fine, but I want to help at some point” Virgil warns, Logan gives him a coy smile. “What? I practically built that case, don't think it's fair you get all the credit” he mumbles. Logan thanks Jenny before walking away.

“Yes because that's the goal here, credit” Logan begins, stuffing his pass away. Virgil hangs his around his neck, not understanding Logan's point. “Not putting away a man whose been awfully cruel to our friend” Logan keeps his eyes forward and his words simple.

“Ok, I got it Velma” Virgil sighs resigned “Obviously I want to put Liam away...I’m just- Oh you have got to be kidding me” Virgil mutters, his focus in an entirely new place. Logan follows his angry glare, his tensed shoulders releasing as his eyes fall on Roman. “I'm going to kill him” Virgil starts making his way to the judge.

“If he doesn't die first, you mean” Logan whispers to himself, a regular amount of concern for the injured judge taking over as he follows Virgil.

“Ah! Good morning Virgil, Logan” Roman greets, he bids farewell to some colleagues before turning fully to his friends. Good morning? He has the audacity to stand here against doctors' orders, and say good morning? Virgil might be fuming now.

“Your doctor told you to stay home today!” Virgil exclaims, both Logan and Roman turn to shush him. Logan looks around at the other patrons, apologizing. “Don't shush me! You are in no condition to be working today” he angry whispers, heeding their volume warning. Roman might be flattered, had it not been the same thing, for once Virgil needed to just give him...the benefit of the doubt.

“Virgil, really, I am fine” Roman assures, keeping his serenity intact. His doctor had warned against getting too emotional, he listens sometimes. “Plus, I won't be doing anything heavy-duty anyway” Virgil folds his arms doubtful. The judge hated anything less than heart thrilling. “Just some paperwork I need to catch up on” He lies, well not entirely. He wouldn't be going into court today, and he would be doing paperwork, but he wasn't excited about it.  

“You're impossible” Virgil indicates, he gives the judge one more glance before deciding to join a newly arrived Patton checking in. No doubt, to rant about that very same judge.

“You're impossible” Roman mocks childishly, Logan keeps his dead eyes. Roman begins walking away, Logan decides to follow.

“Roman, I had an inquiry” Logan tells him, Roman turns through the hallways, Logan on his toes. They enter his chambers, Roman gesturing for the lawyer to take a seat across from him, he does so. The judge begins organizing his files, sorting them and looking over new notices or reminders. “Will court be in session today?” He asks catching Roman's attention.

“Patton has requested we wait” He informs, signing, presumably some contracts of sorts. Logan's shoulders fall, adjusting his glasses he leans forward.

“D-do you know why?” He pushes further, the judge refuses to meet his eyes, still catching up on work and things he missed. Roman gives a chuckle at Logan's attempt at subtle concern. “Roman?”

“I do not” He replies simply, checking his buzzing phone. “Oh my god…” He groans “I'm going to kill Virgil” He mutters, now it's Logan's turn to laugh. “Got something to say...calculator?” He tries, instantly grumbling in his attempt.

“No no...Nothing, hmm what's the definition of infatuation again?” Logan teases, Roman scrunches his eyebrows. “Infatuation or being smitten is the state of being carried away by an unreasonable passion, usually towards another person for whom one has developed strong romantic or platonic feelings” He recites, one of his many talents.

“What are you saying?” Romans own curiosity peaked, wanting to hear Logan's assessment. Logan leans forward once more, placing his elbows neatly on the table.

“I hypothesize that you are indeed, infatuated with Virgil” He plays, Roman raises a brow an unexpected smirk overtakes his face. Logans taken aback, expecting a different more...emotionally defensive reaction.

“Have been for the past four years but thanks for noticing” Roman responds casually, fully aware of the look of almost shock that riddles Logan's face. “It's not a big thing, I mean he's oblivious to it but it's whatever and I don't really notice anymore.” Roman admits, Logans not sure whether it's his own feelings with the ‘liking’ someone or if he's curious about Romans approach but he has questions.  

“Don't you want something to happen?” Logan asks, nothing is...its not...it doesn't make sense. Roman, who had returned to his work, lets out a laugh.

“Of course I do Logan” He staples some papers together “More than anything, but after a while…” He trails off, clearly lost.

“What?” Logan should realize how desperate he sounds, and how hopeless Roman does. But Roman isn't hopeless, he's fallen into a routine, and he's used to the feeling. The tug every time Virgil entered the room, the excitement when he spoke to the detective, the way his eyes slowly darted towards Virgil's lips. It was the little moments, the small things, he treasured just as much, almost more. Sometimes the wait and longing are so much better. Roman wouldn't know however...nothing to compare it to

“Nothing…” Roman shakes his head, he meets Logan's eyes, folding his arms out in front of him. “I'm a hopeless romantic Logan, you should know that by now” He smiles, but it's different, a look he had recognized on Patton so many times. Fake, secretive, sad. Not to Roman… To Roman its...perseverance.

~~~

“If you say ‘kill’ one more time, I might have to report you to the police” Patton sighs, ushering Virgil into his office “Which is ironic, because you are the police” He jokes, Virgil, slumps into the chair across from the lawyer groaning into his jacket. The tight leather, wrapping around his pulsing body, grounding him.

“Well excuse me for being concerned!” Virgil huffs throwing his hands up, leaning back in his chair. Patton nods, a coy smile on his face, as he seats himself in his chair. “He's going to...pass out or...open his wounds or…” Patton turns alert, recognizing something instantly. He reaches over taking Virgil's hand in his own.

“He will be ok” Patton assures, giving his best smile. It's a smile he uses on the twins when they are scared or worried. “Plus, he's got all of us looking after him” He grins wider, Virgil takes a deep breath, realizing there is room for breathing. He's not taking up space, he is ok. “You okay?” Patton checks once more, Virgil swallows, nodding slowly.

“Let's just talk about...anything else” he requests, Patton nods removing his hand from Virgils, opening his laptop. “So...you and Logan and working on a case...I heard” His worry turning quickly to smugness.

“Yes, we are” Patton confirms simply, in fact opening up his files on his laptop. Virgil resumes a more comfortable position in his chair.

“How's that going?” He inquires, genuinely curious. If he wasn't allowed to help, he’d at least like to be in the know.

“It's going good actually…” Patton's face rising quickly into a blush “Logans...more than helpful” He sighs, he's not really looking anywhere in particular. Virgil coughs, he has to pry before...assuming.

“Oh yeah?” He remarks coyly “Tell me more Pat” he's in detective mode now, using what he can to come to a conclusion. It's quite obvious what he's trying to do, but the glazed eyes on his friend suggest he has a fighting chance.

“He’s just being very kind, and…” Patton sighs, twisting his lips “Its nice, to work with him.” Patton fiddles with his hands, falling into a trance. “And...when he gets really focused, his little eyebrows scrunch and he..” Patton giggles, Virgil almost feels bad had it not made both present so happy. “Oh, last night we were working late and..he must have fallen asleep but his glasses dropped just a little and-” Patton pauses noticing the stifled laughter coming from Virgil. “What?”

“You totally like him” Virgil exclaims, pure joy radiating with a hint of smugness. It was nice to fall into this...childish conversation. Taking a load off his shoulders, just letting things not...mean so much.

“This is not new information Virge,” Patton says, typing more into his laptop. Virgil stops now, his eyes growing wide.

“Sorry, what?” Virgil coughs, Patton looks up at him

“I think you're getting a call” And sure enough he was, Virgil, shot his friend a glare before answering, his face falling as the conversation went on. He slams his phone shut, pursing his lips. His foot bounces erratically. “Virge? Everything ok?”

“Three more murders” He shakes his head simply, awaiting Patton's usual reaction of sadness and disgust. Instead, Patton stands

“Well, but that doesn't make sense” He claims, Virgil stops, looking up at him. He makes his way to the side door of his office, where he usually meets with clients. “Because George is right here” He opens the door, revealing a very patient sitting George. Virgil's confusion quickly turns, he's not sure what but his mind sure is racing.

“Pat I gotta-”

“See you later Virge” Patton nods understandingly, alight with a fighting smile.  He waves his friend goodbye before exiting the office, he swears he was headed to the doors but something pushed him down a different hall, begging him to walk down the solemn lined path, to a place he wasn't technically supposed to be.

He wasn't expecting to see an ever-growing crowd outside the office but pushed his way through the clamoring group. The room almost instantly shrunk, if he wasn't so adamant to find Roman, he would be heavy-breathing his way out of the room. It's a good thing he was strong and persistent, shoving people aside. It was one of his many skills during school, needing to get through the halls and avoid any eye contact at all. If it was an Olympic sport, Virgil would win gold.

“Yes, yes mister Katchutori, I will get back to you on tha-” Virgil locates the familiar voice. Roman stands behind his desk, speaking into a phone with at least three other people talking to him.  “H-hold on one moment please” He turns, taking some files that someone had been practically throwing at him.

“Mister Reial, we need you to look these over and sign them” The man spoke, Roman nods taking them, skimming through quickly.

“Right ok, thanks” He mutters, the man doesn't budge. Virgil doesn't mean to snarl but Roman might as well be juggling as he tries to carry multiple things and keep steady on the phone. “Yes thank you mister Katchutori” He speaks into the phone, rushing through some more ‘okays’ and ‘yes’ before finally hanging up, moving onto signing. Were there always so many files?  

“Mister Reial!” Another voice calls out, Roman continues signing but ushers the voice towards him. Virgil's not sure how it happened but soon there wasn't a moment's breath, everything became rapid fire. How could Roman keep up?

“Can you sign this?”

“Yes, leave it o-”

“You’re being requested on November third for judging, will you be available?”

“Check in with my se-

“I'm still waiting on the forms, your honor!”

“Yes, I will get them to you an-”

“We would like an official statement regarding last month's case!”

“You have to be more specific”

“Uh… breaking and entering with mister Tolentino?”

“Of course! Ill g-”

“The forms mister Reial”

“My client sir!”

“Statement!”

“Forms!”

“Your phones ringing”

Virgil saw it just a moment too late, and he almost missed it. Romans head frantically darting around the room trying to keep up, until it slowed. The incessant yelling was too much for Virgil. He had half a mind to tell them all to shut up and get out. Roman's eyes slowed, fluttering to a close as his grip on the desk loosened. Virgil might have been scared at the sight of his body going limp as he fell, had the adrenaline in his body not kicked in as he dove just in time to spare the judge any further injuries.

“Roman!” He exclaims, not sure what it will do but it felt right. Splitting the crowd as he caught Roman, laying him down carefully on the ground, holding him.

“Oh...my god” The silence broke as a small voice chirps. Virgil's fearful gaze turned quickly to anger as he looked to the crowd.

“Someone call nine one one!” He demands, he hears fast shuffling “Everyone else gets out!” He commands. They don't need to be told a second time, the crowd disappearing in the blink of an eye. Soon it was just him, clinging to Roman's body, praying for someone to hurry up.

“I told you…” He whispers, his breath stutters “God, Roman, I told you”

~~~

~~~

“Do you want to play snakes with me?”

“No”

“Fair enough” Damian nods, the child scurries away joining his friends. “Have a nice day!” He calls out bouncing. He turns back to his table, seating himself in front of the coloring supplies and building blocks. At least he tried, he can tell Papi.

“I'll play snakes with you” Remus offers, he plops himself across from Damian, his wide eyes staring expectantly at the boy. “How do you play?” He asks, taking a purple block, smashing it on the table. Damian's not sure if he thinks it will reveal something or is this just how kids are. It's better than playing alone, plus he comes from Uncle Pat, how bad can he be?

“You gotta make a snake” He explains, Remus stops, he listens. “Then you gotta slither the snake, and the faster snake wins” He finishes, already crafting his masterpiece. He uses a mix of yellow and orange blocks, connecting them to create a funky pattern. Remus shrugs, simple enough, he gathers mostly green blocks with a few purples mixed in. His little tongue sticking out as he works rapidly.

“Ta-da!” Remus exclaims, pushing his snake towards Damian. Damian pauses his own work, his face scrunching as if eating something too sour. “Snek!” He smiles, prideful.

“It looks like throw up” Damian insults, Remus shrugs, hugging his snake.

“I like it” He defends, as he waits for Damian to finish his snake, he plays with his own. The creature takes a journey around the table, searching the ground for mystery, eventually landing exhausted on Remus’s head. “Imma make an octopus!” he declares, the snake wobbles but evidently the blocks standstill.

“Only snakes!” Damian whines, he takes a quick breath “Only snakes” He mutters to himself, adding the finishing pieces to his own toy. Remus huffs, folding his arms together.

“That's no fun” He moans, sitting down once more, the soft cushion beneath him. “The snakes need friends” He pouts, Damian pays him no mind. They can hear the others shouting and squealing wildly in the background, Valerie, no doubt leading an attack on some mythical kingdom. “Why can't he have more friends?” Remus asks, fiddling with a block in front of him.

“He doesn't need anymore” Damian states, Remus, shakes his head. He makes his way around the table, sitting next to Damian now. “Friends are boring” Damian wiggles his nose, he has friends. Patton, Logan and Roman...and of course Papi.

“Yes we are your friends, but friends your own age Dee,” Virgil tells his son, allowing the small boy to cuddle into him as they rest calmly on the couch.

“But I don't like them, all they do is scream” Damian yawns, watching the flashing light of scooby doo on the screen, he loves the show. Virgil laughs softly, wrapping the blanket further around him.

“I think they're pretty nice” Remus smiles, he was always fidgety but it seemed increased. “I don't have many, but Val is pretty nice” He repeats, huh...Damian thinks, they might not be so different.  Remus gasps, throwing his hands in the air as he knocks down a few blocks. Damian tries not to reprimand him, that's a new word he learned. “We can be friends!”

“Ok…” Damian begins, he's not opposed to the proposition but he doesn't know what it will include. “What do I do?” He asks, Remus grins a little too wide. A gap in his teeth revealed, clearly, it's new.

“You just gotta play with me!” He explains, excited he rushes around the table, making his way to the cubbies. Damian follows, his curiosity peaked. “My dada got me these” he shows, opening his bag labeled in bright messy marker ‘Remus Hart’, pulling out three containers. “Its goo!” He hands one to Damian, who inspects the toy, just as his Papi does with his own job.

“Its slime” He detects, holding the container a little further away. Remus shrugs and leads the boy back over to the table.

“What are you doing?” Damian looks up, Valerie stands keeping her exhausted panting steady, she looks over at her brother. “Is that goo?” She questions, Damian sighs, Remus nods.

“Its slime!” The boys recite in unison. Damian hides a coy smile, he can't be that bad, “Wanna play Val?” Remus asks, holding out the final container. She nods excitedly, taking her place next to Remus. He wastes no time throwing it open and letting the green ooze out. Instantly clicking and smashing away, allowing it to stick to all parts of his hands.

“Mm messy” Damian mumbles, his face in clear disgust of the manner. He opens his own cautiously, the gold color is quite appealing. It's cold as he pulls it out, letting it melt on his hands. He pokes it, the clicks and pops of each poke sending a thrill. Soon it becomes second nature, he expands his game, making bubbles and twirling the slime.

The rest of the morning goes by quickly after that, Valerie is soon recruited to join the rebellion of some game, Damian can't keep up. Cindy helps the boys clean up and wash their hands preparing for lunch. For the first time, Damian has somewhere and someone to sit with. He eats in the corner with Remus, eating his perfectly prepared meal while Remus ate his own.

“I made it! Dada said I should try if I wanted to and I did!” Remus exclaims, he shows the contents of his sack lunch to Damian. He wants to say something but is quickly distracted by an overcast hanging over the boys.

“Hey kiddos” Emile's smiling face looks down on them, Damian and Remus share a smile, bouncing up to embrace the sweet man's legs. “Oh! Hello!” He laughs softly, they pull away as Valerie rejoins them, greeting the doctor.

“What are you doing here mister pickle?” Damian asks, Emile kneels down to face them.

“I'm here to pick you up, there's been an...incident and your dads want to..see you” He explains, his speech slow and careful, making sure the kids understand every word. After a few expected questions, the kids agree and pack up their things, promptly meeting Emile by the door. “Ready?”

“Ready” They confirm

~~~

“Roman…” Virgil whispers very softly, maybe if he keeps rubbing his warmth, transferring it from his own hands into Roman the judge will wake up. So he does, sitting by a hospital bed, cupping Romans...lifeless hand. “Come on Roman this isn't...this isn't funny” He pleads, the doctors had no news. They were no help, absolutely none of them. “H-hey! What are you doing” Virgil exclaims, the nurse holding a new IV doesn't jump, probably used to weary members in the hospital.

“Don't worry sir, I am simply changing out mister Reials IV bag, your husband will be ok” She assures kindly if Virgil wasn't so worried, he might have been a little more...stuttered at the assumption.

“He's not my husband,” He says solemnly, eyeing Romans shut eyes, Virgil was holding his hands still ignoring the growing sweat between the two.

“I apologize,” She says finishing her job, she smiles at him before giving the pair privacy. Privacy he hopes he can continue to sustain, he just wants this moment to...to...to figure things out. To take a breath, to allow himself this.

“Ro come on…” He knows it won't help but he hopes somewhere in that...jumbled mind of Roman, Virgil's voice will be heard. “Look, Damian's coming to see you...you don't wanna be asleep right?” he laughs dryly, Damian would be very upset and to be honest Virgil doesn't think he can...deal with Damian crying right now. He knows its selfish, but Romans limp cold state overrules that. “Okay, this is beyond petty” He complains, not sure how to deal with what's happening. “Just wake up ...wake up! Roman wake up!” He's not entirely sure why he began screaming, but it felt good.

“Virge! Hey hey Woah” He turns angrily facing Patton, he drops Romans hand rubbing his head annoyed. “Virge come here” Patton directs, he wastes no time bundling himself up in Patton's arms, crying softly.

“I told him” Virgil mumbles, Patton tightens his grip, “I told him P…”

“I know Virge, I know” Patton rubs comforting circles on Virgil's back before leading him over the chair, wrapping him up in an extra blanket. “Walk me through it...what happened?” He inquires delicately. Virgil sniffles, grateful for the break from staring desperately into what was left of the eccentric figure. So he goes through it carefully, remembering and repeating every step, every move, every word they had said that led up to this moment. After a while, the conversation died down and he got tired, so Patton offered to watch while the sleepy detective got some rest.

“Is he alright?” Patton spins, stopping himself as he paces. Logan enters the room, spotting a bundled Virgil and a less than active Roman. Patton's not sure if he can trust himself to speak, so he nods, slowly. “Are you alright” Another nod, Logan takes his shoulders, an abrupt action but necessary. Patton stops pacing once more, looking up at Logan with folded arms. “Pa-

“He needs to go into surgery, immediately” A team of doctors and nurses enter the room, creating a separation between the pair. Virgil scrambles awake, pushing himself to the front lines. “Sir, we need to get him into surgery,” The nurse says while Virgil blocks her way. It isn't conscious but an impulse. Patton and Logan watch as the medical team, remove Roman from his safety and begin rolling him away, Virgil moves reluctantly, securing a place near Patton. “We will let you know how it goes after we notify his family” The nurse informs before promptly leaving. Virgil takes a few steps back, transferring himself to the edge of the now-empty bed.

“We are his family” He mutters, watching the spot where everything could change.

~~~

“What do we got?” Remy asks, following Carlton into the room. An officer makes their way up to Remy, ready to read his notes.

“Three more murders detective” The officer, Reia, informs. Remy scrunches his brows checking out the room. “Its weird, he's never done it like this. They’re never...together” Reia’s right, its curious. Every time the victims never had any connection and were never associated.

“I think we can do the detecting Reia” Carlton chides, Remy turns to him raising a brow. Reia bows her head, walking back to collect more notes. “Seems Virgil won't be joining us today” he notes.

“Dude, you didn't have to be rude” Remy reminds, Carton scoffs putting on his gloves, hitting with a snap around his wrist. “She's right, ya know?” Remy does the same, walking towards the first victim. “Wheres CSI?” He calls out, a small voice chirps.

“That would be me! Talyn Corste, they/them if you will” They hold out their hand, shaking Remys. He retracts subtly massaging his hand, they've got a strong grip. “The first victim seems to be mid-twenties, presumed female” They move to the body, Remy might've been phased has he not been so used to it. They kneel down, allowing Talyn to lift up the sheet covering the woman. Remy's face drops instantly, the woman is untouched. “You alright detective? Never seen a dead body?”

“You call that dead?” Remy searches for any sign, but she's perfect. Her skin clear, not a hair out of place, her clothes intact. “This couldn't be him, not his M.O” Remy decides, Talyn waits for him to continue. “Were there any letters?” Remu inquires, closing the sheet over the woman.

“Three of them, all written in the victim's blood” Talyn recalls, they try to read Remy's face “Why?” Remy bites his bottom lip, shaking his head.

“Nevermind, what were the letters?” Remy requests, opening his notepad. Talyn gestures for him to follow them, leading Remy to the wall. Three letters, dripping in perfection, written across the white plaster. “W, S and...A” He scribbles down quickly, more to add to Virgil and his horror game of hangman.

“Look, ill give you my notes, but my team and I gotta go,” Talyn tells Remy, he nods, thanking them for their help. Soon enough, the team clears out, leaving Remy and Carlton alone in the apartment. The bodies were cleared out, leaving pictures of the evidence for the detectives. Remy wishes they would take the smell with them, the fumes searing into his brain.

“Seems clean cut to me” Carlton shrugs, Remy jumps remembering he's there. It's weird, he's been working with Virgil for so long, the pair had just developed themselves. A well-oiled machine, but Remy and Carlton? The pieces just don't fit.  Remy goes to answer but is distracted by the ringing of his phone.

“Go for Nyx” He answers, turning away from Carlton.

“Hey, Rem…” Virgil's voice comes through the speaker, something is off. His speech is slowed, and weak.

“Hey, are you okay? Where are you?” Remy rushes, fearful but also a tad annoyed.

“Uh, Ro-roman collapsed… and he's in surgery right now and-” A stifled sob can be heard, the sniffling unbearable for Remy. he hates hearing his friend like this. “I-i'm sorry I know...I k-know you're…”

“Hey take it easy, you're ok” Remy assures, he's not sure why he does it but it's become routine. He rubs the ring around his finger, it was a gift from Virgil and Emile. “Look, I've got it, you just take care of yourself and Roman ok?”

“O-ok…” Virgil takes a deep breath “Don't uh..don't tell anyone. I don't want any more scandal or publicity for Roman. I gotta go, Logans freaking out about something...which is unusual so..” Remy laughs dryly

“Alright, bye” Remy closes his phone, shoving it away.

“Was that Virgil?” Carlton questions, Remy nods returning his focus back to the case. He looks over the letter, they have to be saying something. “And why is our partner not present?” He inquires, his voice dripping with...Remy can't explain it. But the way he says anything makes his body squirm, instantly putting up his defenses.

“My partner” He corrects “Is busy with a family emergency, Damian isn't feeling well” Carlton nods carefully, using his eyes to look around the empty apartment. Remy slaps his notepad frustrated. “I don't get it! E, L, I, T, A, L, W, S” He recites “What does it mean argh” Hes upset now, and totally valid too. All these letters and he can't stop people from losing their life. This isn't a game, this isn't a game Remy insists.

“Guess hes just not done” Carlton shrugs, Remy hates how casual he is about this.

“Not done?”

“With killing” Remy shudders, he never knew a voice could have so little...remorse “Seems like you're missing letters, so...you're probably missing victims” he concludes, Remy pauses.

“I do not like you” He states simply, and honestly.

[tinkdw]

hi tink ^_^ was wondering if you think both endgame human!cas and endgame angel!cas are both valid interpretations? im genuinely interested as I can't see the whole human!cas being a thing, and I'm open to learn more if you think that's what is actually going to happen. idk his experience as a human was miserable, i feel like maybe im missing something?? :0 u dont have to answer this if u dont want, as it may cause wank. ty

Hi!

Here’s my “overall” Cas meta from a while ago, nothing’s changed and a few other meta writers added to it so it’s a good view I think as to the whole concept:

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/165781313412/why-do-you-think-cas-should-becomechoose-to-be

It’s a really crappy topic for divisiveness, in my experience the people who have, relatively, as much as possible, objectively analysed the author intent in the show have come to a pretty solid conclusion within the meta community that Human!Cas appears to be endgame based not on his experience as a human but the outcome, his overall arc since season 4 and the Chekhovs gun style flamingly blatant reminders throughout the show such as the repeated asking him if he wouldn’t rather be human, his choosing to be an Angel to go into battle powerful enough to save the people he loves and putting what he wants to one side and his clearly not wanting to be a soldier anymore.

It’s kind of like saying endgame Dean is for him to be emancipated and being able to openly watch Oprah and Disney etc even though on the surface he says he doesn’t like that stuff. Because the pretty obvious sublimation is there.

With Cas the sublimation isn’t quite as clear but it’s really all there. Yes he suffered as a human but he literally came out of it and said he missed it, while previous to being human he was curious and wanted to try human things (eg kissing meg) and afterwards we’ve seen him actively choosing to act more human, smiting less and fist fighting instead, acting more human, I mean the big one for me was when Dean asked him “and you’re okay with that?!” When he told him he got grace back to be able to fight and he just totally brushed it off saying he needed it to fight:

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/171244776157/kanayaks-tinkdw-cas-i-got-my-grace-back-i

He later takes more grace which he had been previously rejecting but only to save Dean and then took his own grace back when again it’s needed for a fight whilst telling us the quote that the craziest thing a man can do is die.

He’s literally saying he’s killing himself / his wants for the greater good.

He needs grace for the fight and to be a good useful soldier and to save his family but does he want it?

Want v Need.

One of the biggest themes of the show.

Cas needs his grace to be useful when times are hard but is that what he wants?

In my opinion the show has repeatedly emphasised that it isn’t. I also think it’s clear he doesn’t want to be a soldier anymore and these things go hand in hand.

Others may use canon to say they think it is. Both interpretations are totally valid as long as they are based on canon and actually analysing the canon in a consistent manner.

The issue I have is certain people cherry picking and projecting their stories into it and claiming it’s an overall Cas’ arc since inception meta. That’s just not how meta writing works.

You can absolutely write that stuff but you can’t claim it’s objective and fully inclusive of canon and logical when it is just picking parts that fit your own desire for the character. Like, I didn’t want Lucifer to be centre stage in s13 but I didn’t just ignore it when it was.

Cherry picking things ie the one time Cas said “I just wanna be an Angel” when he was depressed, distraught at Dean’s death and wanted to stop feeling things as proof it’s what he really wants isn’t what I’d call meta writing of the whole story. That’s like saying Sam really wants to be a hunter and tag along beside his brother in the impala on the road for the rest of his life because he was a depressed, vengeful mess after Jess’ death and said ok let’s go. Is it really what Sam wants for himself and the rest of his life though? No way! That’s been clear too.

Even worse when some people claim to be bullied or triggered by other view points. Someone even screenshotted a few sentences I wrote that if you took away the top and bottom sentence looked like I was making no sense and anti Cas (me anti Cas. Lmao) but in the context obviously made sense and decided to create a wank storm about it because they didn’t like human cas meta and wanted to make me look bad. People need to grow up. This isn’t a meta discussion about interpretation it’s being a dick and being unable to contemplate another interpretation.

It makes a discussion totally impossible which moots the entire point of blogging on tumblr in the first place.

Absolutely all interpretations are valid, it’s just a case of how you pitch your interpretation. If you want to state your interpretation of a character absolutely go for it! I used to be all up for Angel!Cas meta until a few utter assholes decided to be personal and ridiculous about it. Now I don’t touch it with a barge pole. Same as M*gstiel.

But that doesn’t invalidate anyone’s good, thought out, canon analysing endgame Angel!Cas meta.

For example my own interpretation of the siren episode is different to many other meta writers, we can discuss it and have polite and great conversations without getting triggered / defensive because we aim to discuss author intent, our own interpretations and do so in a civil manner. There’s one meta writer in particular I’ve had altercations with in the past over some differences of opinion on speculative things and ways of writing meta but who I get on well with, admire and like talking to because we are adults and literally get over it.

There’s also a few people who unfortunately though I agree meta wise about things on the show have been so nasty irl to myself and others that I’ve cut them off completely.

Interpretations are interpretations until they are canon, I’m lucky that most of mine have become so or are clearly on their way but I can also be wrong ie I thought Asmodeus would be more important to character exposition than he was, life moves on. I also didn’t realise quite what it would mean that he would be a Bucklemming own concept and not really used by anyone else, I thought perhaps he’d be used by others by the wasn’t, now I have that knowledge in my pocket meta on anything that sets up for Bucklemming use is kinda meh don’t bother analysing it much it’s probably not hugely important to the overall story being told by the showrunner, ie Nick.

All interpretations are valid is very true. Eg. I can interpret Cas’ story as a metaphor for a queer kid (and in particular trans) coming from a conservative family and emancipating themselves and someone else can interpret it as an immigrants story.

If the show starts changing this then I will change my meta, because my meta is an analysis of what the show is doing, not what I want. For example I never wanted Dean to be queer representation, I was totally heteronormative and would have been totally cool with him ending up alone or with a woman, it’s the show that made me want something different for him through consistent and repeated canon blatant hints at something else. Same as Cas, I was totally ready in season 4 to just like him as a cool character and for him to bog off back to Heaven after being useful but he was captivating as an ally and it grew from there. For ages I would totally have put to one side the hints at a romantic part of his story and loved for him to become the third brother, it’s the show that made me see more between him and Dean, I never would have imagined that myself, I was��a boring heterormative adult more interested in the individual characters’ stories than shipping, I thought shipping was just maritime transferral of goods before I was like wtf and googled Destiel after 10x05 cos I’d finally found a name for what I’d been seeing evolve for 6 years.

Sam goes for Cas’ own individual arc and what he wants. I never had a clue what I wanted from him until the show told me what I should want by repeating something clearly over 10 years. If they suddenly change any part of the story then they change it (and I’ll be annoyed they changed something so entrenched but I’m not going to bitch @ tptb for it or whatever, it’s their choice, they’re the creator and once it’s changed I’ll meta that) but so far it’s been the same, clear story to me for 10 years.

An interpretation is an interpretation but it’s when you start, as I do and some others do, saying you believe this one is the authors intention that you have to be more careful about backing it up with canon and logic and not getting #triggered when someone disagrees.

If you’re going to pitch it as what you believe the author intent is then you have to leave your personal projections at the door and work solely based on the canon, the production, what the author may have said outside of canon etc. It has nothing to do with your own wants for the character or show.

It also means when someone has valid canon supported arguments to the contrary you can have a really interesting discussion and I love that.

[sincerlyyme-blog]

Marching Band (JARED KLEINMAN X READER)

WORDS:  1.5K

TW: just fluff my dudes ALSO THIS RLLY SUCKS LOL i>

AUTHORS NOTE: im officially back to writing stuff for you all!!!!!! yay!!!!!!

           Y/N was the coolest person in the marching band. No, really, she was. Everyone knew her. And if you didn’t know her, you wanted to. Y/N played the trumpet. She was second in line, and hit all of the notes perfectly. After moving into town, a few of her peers had spread rumors about her. Most of them said that she practiced, her trumpet, every night for three hours. Others had said that she moved from a musically inclined high school. But, alas, none of the stories were true. There were so many stories made up about Y/N that it was difficult to know which ones were true. In fact, after being in band with her for the past few weeks; Evan only scraped out three facts about Y/N.

1.)   She was just naturally good at the trumpet.

2.)   She was incredibly nice.

3.)   Jared Kleinman was in love with her.

 Yes, the third and final fact was true. Evan’s best friend, The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman, had a whopping crush on Y/N. It was blatantly obvious. Connor teased Jared about developing “heart eyes” whenever Y/N walked into the room. Jared not only blushed at this, but became extremely defensive. Jared’s friends picked up on his behaviors the moment they began.

Evan sunk his teeth into his PB&J sandwich while watching Jared swoon over Y/N across the cafeteria. Jared had barely touched his celery. A few things had changed about Jared since the sprout of his affection for Y/N. Firstly, his glasses never had a single smudge. Last year, Evan would grimace every time Jared looked at him. There was enough dust collected on his spectacles for Evan to mold entire dust-bunny. Now, the hinges were polished, shiny even! Secondly, Jared washed his hair. His prior aroma had vanished. What used to be a wafting of Dorito dust was now replaced with the sweet smell of Old Spice cologne.

“So, when are you going to ask her out?” Zoe asked, smiling, stabbing her salad with a plastic fork.

“Never,” Jared snorted, looking back at Zoe.

“You’re never going to get anywhere with her, if all you do is stare.” Zoe retorted.

Jared wanted to argue, but he knew that Zoe had a point. He reverted his eyes away from Y/N, staring at Zoe’s hand. He began to feel bad for the lettuce.

Band practice was the worst of it all. Jared sat one row behind Y/N. All that he did during the hour was stare at the back of her head. Gazing at the silk-like strands that coiled from the top of her head. Evan sat to the left of Jared, and Connor sat in the very back. Often times, Connor would have to crash his cymbals to get Jared to pay attention.

Jared kept a page at the back of his notebook, dating every time Y/N noticed his existence.

September 21st

“did you drop this?”

 September 24th

“that’s an Ab. You’re supposed to play a C#”

 October 1st

“nice shoes!”

 October 3rd

“what’s the date today?”

“October third”

 The biggest day marked in Jared’s log was October 6th. That was the day that Y/N invited Jared and all of his friends, over to her house to get ready for the big homecoming game. The homecoming game was the biggest event for the whole year. It’s the biggest crowd that the marching band plays to, all year! The evening is full of school spirit. Everyone dresses in their school’s colours and cheers on their teams. For the marching band, they get dressed in their gear and finally perform after hours of practicing. It’s kind of a big deal.

On October 6th, Y/N walked up to Jared after band practice.

“Hey!”

Almost immediately knocking his binder over, Jared greeted back, “Oh! Hi!”

“So I was thinking that maybe you, Zoe, Connor, and Evan could all come to my house tonight to get ready?” she flashed her classic smile, making Jared weak in the knees.

“Yes! I mean, uh, yeah, that’s totally fine or whatever-“

“So, I’ll see you then!” Y/N grabbed her bag, prancing off to find her friends by for lunch.

 --

 “WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?” Jared slammed Evan into his locker, holding him by the collar of his polo.

“What- I-“ Evan began to spur, his shoulders hunching and face turning white in fear.

“OH MY GOD. THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE SHE MOVED HERE. I’M GOING TO MESS IT UP. I AM GOING TO BE SOME WEIRD-“

Jared felt a large slap delivered to the back of his head. His hands left the grip on Evan’s cotton blend collar, and jumped to the sore on his cranium.

“Get your hands of Hansen. Beating the shit out of him is my job,” a very angry Connor Murphy hissed.

“Jesus, okay,” Jared laid off, taking a step back.

Connor grabbed Evan by the shoulders, making him stand up straight, giving him a pat on the back.

“Okay, what’s up, Kleinman?” Connor scoffed.

“Y/N invited us over to her house tonight. What the hell do I do? Do I dress up? Do I bring snacks? Like what the fuck-“

“Jared, breathe. What’s the worst that could happen?” Connor offered a small hint of a smile.

“Therapy changed you.”

“Listen here, you fucker-“

“GUYS PLEASE,” Evan softly shouted over the two boys.

-

7:00 rolled around and Jared found himself oddly calm. He had convinced himself that there was nothing to be worried about. He tried to calm himself down by reminding himself that all of his friends would be there with him. I mean, his crush wasn’t that big!

He was wrong. So terribly wrong. His crush on Y/N was huge. And it came swelling back into his throat the moment she opened up the door to her house. She was dressed in shorts and school tshirt. A stripe of the school colour went down her right cheek in acrylic paint. Her hair was curled and pulled to one side. She was gorgeous. And Jared almost shat himself because of it.

“Hey, Jared! Come on in! My mom is making her famous tacos,” she smiled at him warmly.

Jared followed her inside. All of his friends were crowded around the kitchen table, eating tacos. Even Connor was smiling. They all had dinner, painted their faces with paint and got their marching band uniforms on. Piling into Y/N’s car, they set off for the football game.

The entire marching band sat to the side of the stadium, watching the game. But Jared couldn’t concentrate on the quarter back. All he could look at was Y/N. He admired every feature, freckle, and curve on her face. She felt his stare and turned to look at him.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” she began to paw at the skin on her cheek, in attempt to remove an imaginary stain.

Jared giggled, “No.”

“Then what is it?” her smile burned into his mind. His eyes trained on her lips, before squeezing shut.

“Listen, Y/N, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you-“

 But Jared’s proclamation was cut short by the announcement, that was the introduction for the marching band. He huffed, as she looked at him with sorry eyes. The group of teenagers gathered in a line, playing in harmony.

The clouds above the night sky began to form. They looked heavy and dark. As the marching band’s song came to an end, a single rain drop fell onto Jared’s cheek.

“The thing, I was going to tell you,” Jared whispered to Y/N as the stadium applauded for the band.

“I know.”

“You- what?”

Y/N turned to look at Jared. It was raining harder now. The paint on their faces began to melt away.

“I know,” she finally whispered, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

The rain was pouring. The game got cancelled. But Jared didn’t care. The mashing of lips and acrylic paint were the only things on his mind. He dropped his clarinet to the ground, wrapping his arms around her waist.

[rizuno]

Write me a ficlet about Stiles finding random love poems/notes written on little scraps of paper stuffed in weird places, like between the seats in the Jeep, in the pockets of hoodie he swore he just washed so how could there be intact paper in there, in his shoes, under his pillow. Who is writing all these notes and how do they keep randomly appearing on Stiles person!?!?!

This is unbeta-d, and I am subjecting you dear reader(s?) to poetry written by me masquerading as English!Major Derek Hale. BASICALLY I’m SORRY ABOUT THE CRAP POETRY OK. also im really fuckin pissed off about the spacing of the poems but tumblr is adamant about pretending to not know what the fuck im trying to do when i try and reformat it i need to stop before i just delete this whole post in a fit of RAGE

For RachelBBY

Scraps

The first time it happens, Stiles doesn’t think anything of it. He figures he just wrote it himself in English and then forgot. It’s just a neglected scrap of paper hiding amidst other papers under his desk, sacrificed on the altar of a weekly allowance with everything else he throws out as he cleans his room. He only really glanced at it anyway, he was preoccupied with being pissed off at Derek for being Derek, thinks it said something about heartbeats and irregular spaces. So that was the incident, he supposes.

The second time he’s got his hand stuffed in the crease of Roscoe’s passenger seat in a desperate search for just one fucking quarter, just one, and withdraws a crumpled piece of paper instead. “How long has that been there?” Stiles asks himself as he de-crumples it to read it. He snorts. Obviously quite a while, it’s a poem, and Stiles knows he didn’t write this one, which means it’s circa the Scott/Allison Era.

you laughed

it was Tuesday

you didn’t know I was there

“Not half bad Scotty,” Stiles murmurs, not bothering to finish the rest of it as he tosses it aside and resumes the quest for one measly quarter cause he just wants a burger. Out of life, all he wants is to eat a burger right now. It’s not so much to ask? Right?

He bitches and moans to Scott about his inability to find a quarter and thus eat a burger, but forgets to ask him about the poem thing. The next time he sees Derek, Derek flips him a quarter with a smirk. “Oh, fuck you,” Stiles says, but pockets the quarter and eats him that fucking burger later that night, after they have all managed, miraculously, to not die. “Victory comes in all forms,” Stiles informs Scott sagely in between mouthfuls. So that’s the coincidence, in all its glory.

The third time has Stiles paying the fuck attention, because he’s digging around his back pocket for the quarter Derek gave him, and just as he remembers he spent it already, his fingers close around what must be a receipt. Stiles heaves a grunt of disgust, no curly fries for him then, and glances at the scrap of paper uninterestedly, out of habit, as his arm moves to toss it into the trashcan across the hall. And then he freezes. It’s not some forgotten transaction, it’s a fucking poem. What the fuck. Stiles unfolds the paper and reads the words in their entirety this time, standing in the middle of the hallway as other students stream around him as they head to class. It’s not very long, but it feels like Stiles takes several hours to read it. He reads it like it was meant for him. It must be? Right?

I think

you don’t think of me

all that often

but I think of you

quite often

I’m thinking of you now

I think of you in the morning

I think of you in my bed

at night

I wonder

if you’re thinking of me now

Stiles swallows. His mouth has gone dry. He feels like he just walked in on someone watching some really hot porn. He feels…intimate. He feels…like he’s now late for science. Stiles whirls around in a flail of limbs and pelts to the science lab. But that scrap of paper he doesn’t toss aside. That scrap he keeps. So there’s the pattern.

Stiles was sorta expecting the next one but he wasn’t prepared to find it lying on his keyboard; not there when he went downstairs to grab a soda and now there when he returns.

He tells himself his fingers are shaking with caffeine intake as he reaches out to unfold it, where it lays so innocuously.

He licks his lips, then reads.

I know you’re thinking of me now

will you think of me tonight

in your bed

with your own hands upon yourself

gasping

flushed

and undone

“Ffffuck,” Stiles hisses out between his teeth. There is no way he’s gonna make it to tonight. He’s got a really great jerk off session going, standing there right in front of his desk at 3:30 in the afternoon, pants only pulled down the bare minimum. He’s like feeling it, he is totally ready for this, ‘makes his knees weak’ orgasm he’s coming up on. And then of course, Scotty has to burst in freaking out about supernatural crisis 3B or 6A or whatever number letter combo they’re on now.

“Come on, man!” They both yell at the same time, Scott throwing up his arms and facing the wall as Stiles fumbles to stuff himself back inside his pants. Scott feels the need to ask why. Stiles rants that it’s the privacy of his own fucking room. Scott mutters something about how Derek thinks they need info. “Since when do you listen to what Derek thinks,” Stiles says petulantly as he tosses Scott a bag of Doritos and moves to sit back at his desk. Scott eats the chips on Stiles’ bed as Stiles furiously looks up shit to the best of his ability. The moment is already forgotten. That sort of awkwardness has happened before, and will probably happen again. Which come on Scott, werewolf, use those supernatural senses for once.  After Scott is gone Stiles wonders what four times means. Also he mourns the loss of one of the greatest orgasms he never got to experience.

He finds the next one two nights later, under his pillow as he stretches out on his bed. He’s so relaxed and he’s in bed at a decent hour. Derek did not manage to piss him off when they came across each other briefly earlier in the evening and Stiles is ready for some nappy naps. When his fingers brush the edge of the crinkled bit of paper the first feeling he gets is surprise. It’s quickly followed by a quick dip of excitement in his gut. He doesn’t bother to switch any lights on. Too much effort. He reads it by the light of his phone.

I whisper your name to myself

after you’ve left

it’s fairly pathetic

but then last week

you trapped yourself inside your own hoodie

so at least I’m not alone

And Stiles knows. “Derek,” Stiles whispers furiously. He chucks the paper as hard as he can away from him. Which, it being paper, isn’t that far. It flutters down to rest on the bed beside him. That fucking asshole has been laughing at him this whole fucking time. So that’s what comes after a pattern. Epic fuckery.

Stiles sees Derek first thing the next morning; he’s having like, a pre-game huddle with the Erica-Isaac-Boyd triumvirate in the back parking lot behind the gym. “Stiles,” Derek greets him, the hint of a smile on his lips. “You are pathetic,” Stiles snarls at him. Derek’s jaw clenches and his expression turns cold and distant. Stiles whirls around and marches off in righteous fury. Stiles has enough fucking going on in his life without that kind of shit. Stiles thought, he’d thought…it doesn’t even matter what he thought. He was stupid and a dumbass for thinking it.

So naturally he finds the next poem sandwiched in between the pages of this month’s Great English Novel during 3rd period of that day. Stiles isn’t sure when or even how Derek got it in there, but it certainly wasn’t after this morning. He almost doesn’t read it, doesn’t want to give Derek the satisfaction, but he’s Stiles. He must fucking know. He can’t not.

I dreamed of you

it was warm

and bright

and we were safe

you took my hand

and my heart blazed brighter

when I woke

I pretended that it was the future

and if I am patient

that it will be

any day now

“What,” Stiles whispers. His own heart is sinking fast within his chest. His hand clenches down on the poem. “It was all real,” He realizes out loud.

“What?” Scott whispers from the seat behind him.

Stiles whips around in his seat to face him. “Cover for me,” Stiles begs.

Scott doesn’t know what’s going on, but he doesn’t hesitate. “Go,” he says.

Stiles slips from the room, so preoccupied he doesn’t notice that he doesn’t trip or smack into something once.

Derek won’t be at his apartment. Instinctively, Stiles knows this. He jumps in Roscoe and heads straight for the preserve.

The burned out husk of the Hale house looks as tragic and decimating as ever, but that feeling is especially poignant for Stiles at this moment. He gives Roscoe’s wheel one last squeeze, for luck or bravery or whatever, and steps out of the jeep. He tries to repress a shiver as he looks at the charred and broken edifice before him and fails. This had seemed so much simpler, less complicated back in 3rd period. No, Stiles can do this, he absolutely can. He leaps up what’s left of the front steps and barges through the door. “Derek,” he calls.

A few moments of silence, and then a resigned sigh. “What?” Derek asks, voice flat as he materializes out of wherever he was.

Stiles waves the hand that has not once unclenched on the poem in Derek’s general direction.

“You’re serious?” He accuses.

Derek’s stone face takes on a look of frustration. “Yes, Stiles, I’m serious.”

“I…I mean…why?”

Derek sighs like it’s obvious. “I wrote you poems Stiles.”

Stiles seizes upon a detail he has the mental facilities to deal with at this moment. “Why poems though?”

Derek rolls his eyes. “I’m an English Major, Stiles.” Which rude because, like,

“How was I supposed to know that,” Stiles says defensively.

They stand in silence. Derek doesn’t seem inclined to word anymore today and Stiles is furiously thinking.

“You wanna,” and his left hand, the one not still grasping the poem, makes an abortive movement towards Derek, “hold hands?”

After a moment, Derek uncrosses his arms and says, “Okay.” He reaches out, and then they’re holding hands, bridging a gap between them. It’s kind of…awkward. But it’s only awkward in that Stiles suspects feelings are present kind of way, because Derek’s thumb strokes gently along the back of his hand and Stiles feels kinda like, heart blazing or whatever.

“I think of you pretty often,” Stiles admits. “Like, a lot.”

Derek swallows. “Okay.”

BONUS:

First Poem

your heartbeats are

irregular spaces

I dwell there

and refuse to meet your eyes

when you glance my way

Second Poem

you laughed

it was Tuesday

you didn’t know I was there

I have kept it

for myself; that laugh

longing

for your real

and intransigent

presence