#...but when i talk about my broader community i know that i am surrounded by more people than just myself...

[uncanny-tranny]

Hello!

I am just curious why you put an asterisk after trans men? I have never seen anyone do that before. I did try using Google and it gave me many different reasons so I was wondering what yours is? I apologize if I did not say this well, English is not my first language.

Thank you!

I have answered this before, but it all comes down to brevity. It is the acknowledgment that not only trans men will have related to that post. It just signals that if that post applies to you, you are included.

I prefer, generally, to put it after the gender simply because the trans umbrella is generally understood, so it seems superfluous (to me) to re-clarify that transness is a broad category.

[limeade-l3sbian]

Regarding the "stop treating your non radfem female friends like they’re idiots and stop being an asshole to them" post

Do you have any tips on how to deal with this mentality?? Because I hear my sister going "I dress to look pretty and sexy, not to be comfortable" and then I hear the music my cousin listens to and how it's all about men calling women whores and just wanting to fuck them, and then I see my friend just COVERING her face with makeup to the point she doesn't go swimming or to ride bikes with me because "she will be sweaty and her makeup will fade" and on and on and on and jesus christ do they not hear themselves??? Am I crazy for pointing out just how much self harm they're doing? How sad that is? I can't stop feeling pity for them, that they're so lost and I can't help and I just can't deal with their ideas and since I know I won't be able to change their minds I just want to cut ties with all of them because I can't keep seeing that shitshow

It's important to remember how differently people are raised. My best example is religion. I grew up Christian, but my mom was in no way forceful about this. And when I started to question/doubt, I was given the space to explore these ideas before coming to terms with my agnostic beliefs. There was no real consequence to my drastic change in beliefs. Some of my family was irked by this, but it didn't matter at that point.

Now say I have a friend who grew up in a family or surroundings that are deeply tied to Christianity. I mean, the most patriarchal form of it where she's talking about wanting to have babies (plural) at 18 and is only interested in talking about finding a husband and being a mother. Mind you, her religious community has given her warnings about nonbelievers and how they will try to corrupt or bring her away from the thing she has invested her self worth into. Without this God, her family and friends will turn on her.

What change am I really making by harassing her when we are alone? How do I know she isn't already having doubts? Does me rolling my eyes and coming down on her going to make her want to look into these potential thoughts of doubt more, or will she tie these thoughts of doubt in with the shame I make her feel? Will I be surprised when she starts to resent me for not considering her situation? Even if I am annoyed by these things, how I helping her by attacking her?

And maybe she isn't having doubts at all! Maybe she is 100% on board with this life that has been sold to her. Well, now she cuts me off because I have become the person her community has warned her about.

I don't attack her. Because she is my friend and a person who has life than me. So what do I do? This is someone I deeply care about and I want to "save" her. First and foremost, I cannot "save" her. I am not her savior just because I have a broader perspective. She's heard arguments against her religion and it only brings her closer. But how can I get her to at least consider a different way of thinking?

It's the same shit I did with my grandmother that made her angry with me: I just ask questions. I question even the most basic things that she has believed without ever having questioned it. And after a while, I start suggesting things for her to question. Those who want control of individuals will always discourage questioning. I am not needlessly rude about it. I just ask simple things. That's how I left the church. I had the environment that would not punish me for asking questions. So I kept asking, and for frustrated when no one would give me an answer.

This might not even change a damn thing. But no amount of personal ideology will ever be as strong as just getting someone to ask questions. And even if she starts to ask questions, she may not be in a situation where she can just up and leave.

Empathy is the name of the game, anon. You can't "save" everyone. But you can question everything.

[hallowpen]

The Influence of Thai Culture on Attitudes towards Disabilities as it Relates to Last Twilight

(This is a combination of personal experiences/observations having lived in Bangkok and my learned academic knowledge/own personal research. I am not an expert by any means, but I wanted to offer some insight from my own personal point of view.)

While Thailand has certain provisions in place to prevent disability discrimination, it is still very much present in Thai society. Disability legislation is not strictly enforced and accessibility is extremely limited. That is not to say that efforts aren't being made to promote education and inclusivity, just that views and attitudes toward individuals with disabilities have been slow to reform. As such, there is a negative stigma that exists in Thailand where disabled individuals are, for the most part, seen as a burden or an inconvenience. There are certain cultural aspects that, unfortunately, contribute toward this outlook:

Collectivism and Tradition - Thailand can be labeled as a collectivistic society. What that means is, there is a tendency to favor the 'grouped' majority over individual interests. As a result, individuals with disabilities are less likely to be integrated into their communities. The urge to conform to group rules and traditions hinders Thai society from accepting "disruptive" change. Communities prefer to avoid the uncertainty and ambiguity of the unknown, which reduces the amount of conversations centering around disability education. I stated in my review of LT, that there needed to be a deeper conversation surrounding the experiences and realities of the disabled community in order for the series to have the impact it intended to. And this is why. It needs to be talked about, otherwise nothing will change and, much like the last part of that final episode, ableist views/language will prevail.

Religious Influence - At this point (if you are a fan of Thai dramas), you probably already know that Buddhism is the predominant religion in Thailand. We are taught to be merciful towards the weak and to give of ourselves to those who are less fortunate. While helping others should absolutely be seen as morally good, these viewpoints can also give rise to societal stigmas surrounding disabilities. Receiving unsolicited assistance as a disabled person became a constant question of: are you genuinely concerned out of kindness OR because you somehow see me as 'less than' and therefore feel you have a moral obligation to step in. In LT, I understood Day's insistent worry of being on the receiving end of someone else's pity. There was a reason why it was so prevalent in his story and why he questioned the motives of others' actions so frequently. Because Thai culture has inadvertently labeled disabled people as being 'frail' and 'in need' and who should, therefore, be met with sympathy.

Caregiving - While there are social welfare programs and services available in Thailand, generally, it is the responsibility of the family to care for and provide for their disabled relatives. Intergenerational care is a big part of Thai culture, but in this instance it's not entirely positive. The broader Thai society infantilizes people with disabilities, which means they are often disallowed from making their own decisions by those who care for them (sound familiar?). As a result, they live under less than ideal conditions that exclude them from being active members of their communities. It's upsetting that people with disabilities exist largely out of the public eye, when opportunities to be present in society and engaging with their community could potentially change their status and offset stereotypical attitudes. One of the best parts of LT that I will continuously praise it for, is Mhok's version of caregiving that completely turns these views on its (their?) head. He's not afraid to stand up to Day (or how Day's been conditioned to feel toward his blindness) and gently pushes him toward self acceptance and engagement within his community. Mhok is subtle in a way that he does what is required of him as a caregiver without ever taking away Day's agency. And that was extremely important to see against Day's mother's more 'traditional' care.

Treatment - I'm not well versed when it comes to Thai healthcare. I do know that outside of traditional medicine, access to more advanced modern treatment is highly dependent on income and social standing. Other than that, it is a disabled person's prerogative to seek treatment if a treatment exists for their disability and is accessible to them. It is also their prerogative to refuse treatment. Neither decision should be judged or actively swayed by outside perspectives (though this happens more often than not). It is highly plausible that someone in Day's position, coupled with his mother's status, would have both the access and the desire to receive a corneal transplant surgery. The outcome of Day's vision being restored was never the issue for me. The fault lies in its execution and what was implied in the aftermath.

...that's all I got. I don't really know how to end this...I'm tired.

(Please note, this is not at all meant to paint Thailand in a bad light. Thai society is fairly accepting of individuals with disabilities and positive attitudes do exist, but certain perspectives need to change!)

tagging @lurkingshan @waitmyturtles @shannankle

[tallerthantale]

I finally got around to doing a close reading of transcripts of the Tortoise episodes, and I am very glad that I did.

My view remains that I find all the allegations both very credible and very damning. The updates to my views are that I feel more positively (though not entirely positively) about Tortoise, and that there is a probable very bad actor in all of this that isn't getting nearly enough attention. (Not Amanda Palmer. Or well, yes Amanda Palmer, but she isn't who I'm talking about.)

Tortoise first.

I'd been seeing a lot of comments claiming that Tortoise was anti BDSM. I don't know what the people in the podcast have as their personal views, but they made a point multiple times to clarify that BDSM does not operate like what Neil Gaimen was alleged to have done, and the condemnation they had for the alleged actions was not a condemnation of consensual BDSM. As someone who has been very involved in BDSM community for decades, I am fully in agreement with everything the hosts have said. The line people got most hung up on was a guest expert snarking about degradation ever being consensual. It is ambiguous in context what definition of "degradation" he is using, but it seemed to me he was referring to processes of establishing coercive control, and not referring to degrading roleplay in a mutually invested, healthily negotiated kink scenario. My remaining critique on the host / guests perspective is that the language around abuse and coercive control used by the hosts and guests often presumes all abusers are male and all victims are female. It doesn't diminish the value of the rest of what they are doing, but I think it is worth being critical of as a side note.

The other big point of concern with Tortoise, which I got major bad vibes off of from day one, was the manner in which they talk about their "understanding of Neil Gaimen's position." That sets off my internal red flags because it immediately prompts the follow up questions, "How did you acquire that understanding?" "Who told you that?" "Why aren't you quoting and / or citing them?" I had been speculating that they were from his side of the communications provided by the people coming forward, or comments from lawyers that weren't being properly attributed. Council of Geeks had a great "Cite Your Sources!" whiteboard moment I would generally agree with.

However.

It turns out there is actually a good reason for the citation fuckery. I think a lot of people missed it, so I'm going to try to explain it. When the hosts are referencing communications provided by those coming forward, they say so. When they are referencing comments by lawyers, they say so. The issue is, the bulk of the time, their understanding is coming from piles of direct emails with Gaimen that are OFF THE RECORD. Journalists have to take that seriously to get to keep doing journalism. They are professionally obligated to NOT cite or quote him when he is off the record. Normally in such a situation journalists wouldn't do this squiggly 'our understanding of their views' thing, they would leave it out entirely to be on the safe side of their professional obligations. Sprinkled through the podcasts are comments about the moral importance of hearing from both sides, the great public interest need to hear from both sides. This is a very snarky justification for the game they are playing of vague-posting the gist of his off the record statements without ever putting the exact statement on the record.

A lot of their snark surrounding that, and some other bits, leave the very distinct impression that Gaimen and his lawyers have threatened legal action against Tortoise several times already. Honestly I hope that they do file legal action, as that would open Gaimen up to discovery. Discovery is a process by which Tortoise would be able to demand access to nearly all documents and / or electronic communications Gaimen has relating to the matter, and in doing so make them public. Discovery is far broader sweeping that what is admissible in court, because it has to be 'discovered' before the court can rule it admissible or not. But inadmissible thigs are still usually public record. A jury wouldn't see them, but we still can. Because of that, it is extremely unlikely that Gaimen will file a legal claim, but again, I truly hope that he does. Tortoise probably does too.

But there is another person deserving of investigation and discovery in all this.

The main focus of my current attention is from a bit in the first episode that jumped out at me. Like, it made my eyes bug out, jaw on the metaphorical floor, and I was shocked that I haven't seen it mentioned. But then I figured, people might just not have the context to know how big of a deal this is. So I'm going to talk about it.

According to Scarlett's account, after she came forward to Amanda, Neil asked her to take a call with a therapist that both he and Amanda see. It seemed like his financial assistance offer to her may have hinged on the call being part of the deal. At first read, it looks like Gaimen strongarming Scarlett to tell his therapist he didn't assault anyone. She does the call, and there is a message from the guy that seems designed to plant the suggestion in Scarlett that her friends are manipulating her into perceiving a consensual relationship as a non consensual one.

To me, that is a five alarm fire. Everything happening in there should not be happening, ever. A person who provides individual therapy should not provide it to both partners in a relationship. A person who provides relationship therapy should not be providing individual therapy to people in the relationship. (They should do one-on-one sessions with each in the context of the relationship therapy but that is different.) A therapist should not be framing things the way they are described in that message, or interacting that way towards someone who is not a client, particularly if they have a conflict with someone who is. Therapists are very aware of the potential for clients to coerce others into saying things that fit the client's narrative, and should not be encouraging them to try. And all that is before we even get to the part where he seems to have been tasked specifically to gasslight Scarlett into mistrusting herself and blaming her friends. By Scarlett's paper trailed account, this person should be facing very serious repercussions and investigation. According to Tortoise, he has not responded to any of their attempts to get in touch with him, and he has a phone that is set up to not accept voicemail.

The name of this alleged professional is stated in the podcast, so I looked him up. He is most widely known as an author. His first professional descriptor for himself is as an executive leadership mentor. That more or less translates to person who gives expensive pep talks to rich people. He is also a minister, and a 'consultant.' He does call himself a therapist, but he has no degrees, background, or training in psychology. His degree is from divinity school. He does not list any professional qualifications or certifications in mental health, he does not list any memberships in any mental health organizations. He did co-found an organization that appears to have put on motivational seminars for a variety of organizations. His 'client list' was last updated in 2012. His website has features that are only accessible by those who are 'fully committed.' He is based out of Arizona, USA.

Searching for his name + therapist will get you to a podcast episode with Amanda Palmer, where she had him on as a guest, described him as a therapist, her therapist, and her and Neil's relationship therapist, and promoted his books. It was recorded in 2019, and it is utterly vapid and out of touch from the both of them. Searching his name + therapist will not get you any information on his work as a therapist, because he is not a therapist.

He can't get stripped of his status as a mental health practitioner, because he isn't one. Tortoise states that he has protected confidentiality to Neil and Amanda. If he does have protected confidentiality, he has it solely through his status as a minister, not as a mental health professional because again, he isn't one. As a minister, he may have greater client privilege than an actual mental health professional, who would be required to break privilege if they have reason to believe their client is a danger to themselves or others. Religious client privilege is very strongly protected in most of the US even if the client is explicitly planning to commit specific acts of violence. This might be the main selling point to people who choose to work with ministers who pretend to be therapists rather than actual therapists.

Scarlett doesn't have confidentiality much less privilege by any avenue, his communication with her did not form a professional relationship despite the ways his message seemed to blur those lines, which would have left him free to pass on whatever she said to Neil and Amanda. That would also open the door for him to corroborate what Scarlett told him to the media, but my impression is that if he can be contacted, he will cite a duty to his real client, Neil Gaimen, to avoid saying anything. This is one of many reasons why real therapists do not take clients who have potential conflicts of interest with their other clients. I can't tell from the content of either podcast to what extent he may have materially represented himself to be an actual mental health professional to his clients, but if he has done so he absolutely should be liable if not culpable for that.

I would like to see this man investigated to hell and back, but I don't know if anyone in the media is going to bother. For anyone who needs to hear it, do not go to therapy with someone who isn't a licensed mental health professional. Do not have the same individual therapist as your romantic partner(s). If you are setting up couples therapy, it needs to be with someone who has never met either of you before, and you make first contact with them as a unit.

Obligatory this is all personal opinion disclaimer. The internal states of public figures cannot be determined or scientifically evaluated by their public statements / appearances / works / ect... I am not the behaviour panel, nor do I endorse that kind of thing. But under certain circumstances I am willing to put out some personal opinions about what certain actions, if they happened, would seem to suggest.

I've been saying for a while now, the allegations paint a very strong and compelling picture of Gaimen knowing what he was doing and engaging in deliberate strategy even if he can make pocket experiences for himself where he gets to believe that the relationships were real. I think the evidence pointing towards Gaimen having a long running pseudo 'therapist' he is comfortable sending his accusers to talk to, who then encourages the accuser to think their friends are controlling them, speaks to how deeply this approach to life can saturate a person's existence. When I say 14 represents a lifestyle choice, these are the kinds of things I'm talking about. Someone who fucked up and made a few grievous errors, and did soul searching, and is trying to do better doesn't send their victims to their on call professional gassligter with religious privilege who they outsource to. This looks like 'life revolves around finding ways to control and silence people' level shit.

[hispillowprince]

not to "um akshully..." with my first post on my shiny new blog (that is exactly what i am doing),

but ao3 (and initially tumblr to an extent) is, to its core, a "proship" website. the funny thing about this more recent distinction between pro/antis, the terminology itself and the discourse surrounding it is that it's simply rebranding and packaging topics of censorship within spaces that exist for self expression by and for fans/nerds/outcasts/what have you.

the principle of using a tagging and filtering system to AVOID broader censorship (that more often targets marginalized groups and limits freedom of expression) is a progressive one. censorship that is out of the hands of the community is not. this does NOT mean that everyone should simply subject themselves to content that makes them uncomfortable, or that people shouldn't be held responsible for, you know, basic human decency and respecting boundaries with one another...which is why tagging and filtering systems are set in place for us to have the ability at our disposal without altering the experience for others. what it DOES mean is we know that understanding that distinction between fantasy and reality is often integral to our experience in fandom.

we are not spokespeople. we are not and should not be held to a standard of wholesome, squeaky clean representation in our own free time and space we have simply to have fun and find like-minded people. this isn't the writing room for a bloody disney channel program trying to make The Gays palatable to pearl clutching parents, and frankly, when websites like tumblr, fanfiction sites etc are hit with the banhammer, things tend to only go downhill from there and lose creativity and engagement (including sfw creatives!). censorship has always and will always target those that don't fit the marketing bill, aka unsavory "fans/nerds/outcasts/what have you," whom are often - you guessed it - marginalized people that utilize fandom as an outlet.

whether people use fiction to draw inspiration for their art, process and recontextualize things in their lives (like traumatic events, introspection, humanitarian issues and so on), find community or simply have a good time, it is something that makes the human experience so fascinating. we have always and likely WILL always fantasize, dream and create (and share in those things).

to me, the fundamentals of an anti-harassment or proship stance is not that fiction has NO bearing on people or their experience, but that without the ability to make our own decisions and boundaries for ourselves, we are inhibited from learning, progressing and breaking the barriers of what confines us. this includes - but is not limited to - sexuality and sexual content.

sexuality. sex. infamously a natural form of expression/communication that has been weaponized and stolen from people in a sickeningly long game of "if we can't sell it or use it to manipulate and instill fear into you, then we don't talk about it at all." this game is effective in its continued tired controversy over whether or not people are allowed to discuss icky, gross sex in ways that can sometimes challenge our relationship with it and how we've been socialized to approach it. WHY open discussion about these things is healthy and helps set a precedence for being safe and mindful with it.

how does this tie in with proshipping? it's an alignment of values with censorship in this way. it's symbolic, really. we reclaim power for ourselves, making our queer coded villains and monsters something to play with than to shut us out. giving our little faves toxicity as a treat because we know how harmful it is to navigate a world without anyone to guide us through the steps or understand our own history/ies. or, you know, just be horny and silly online and find people who want to do the same.

anyone who claims they're pro/anti and makes it solely about what they deem okay to harass others with earns them my opinion that they're an asshole. anyone who simply does not want to engage with/discuss something that may or may not be considered problematic or controversial is simply a person. we all have lines we draw for ourselves. much like how someone playing d&d or video games doesn't spawn evil cultists or violent criminals, exploring sexual themes through fiction does not a predator make.

so, on that note - the end, lol. i hope this drabble of not entirely coherent figurative fist shaking at the sky serves you, or doesn't. either way, you know what to do when you don't like something! it's called blocking, babeeey. gold star if you made it to the end of this fat essay lmao

drinking water is really important though fr like it's not just a memefied thing it's-

[notaplaceofhonour]

Resisting the urge to “Why Is No One Talking About This” this, but outside of replies to my own posts [Exhibit A, Exhibit B] about it, I have seen maybe one or two people even mention the radicalization of DropOut, and seen zero people mention the fact that the platform is a hub for multiple “Media Empires”, from the Green Brothers, to The McElroys, to Critical Role.

I often feel, when I talk about anything to do with Antizionism, like I did in 2019-2020 when I was saying “hey this QAnon stuff is pretty concerning”, and most of the people I mentioned it to were like “uh, yeah, okay… sure…” until January 6th, 2021.

And I’m aware this specific case of DropOut is probably not what most people, even those who are worried about I/P being used to radicalize people, are immediately concerned about. After all, a bunch of improv nerds playing tabletop games & panel game shows (however bigoted or misguided) are hardly Hamas fighters. DropOut is just one relatively small link in the chainmail, so to speak.

But damn if it isn’t a significant link if it can connect maybe 80% of the media I (and many of my friends) cared most about in the last half decade within 2 degrees of separation.

I’m obviously not afraid of Brennan Lee Mulligan walking into a synagogue with a bomb strapped to his chest or leading a brutal militia in some kind of wannabe Bolshevik Revolution. What I am worried about is him (and Sam Reich, and Ally, and others in the cast, and associated guests from Hank Green and Matt Mercer) putting a fun, friendly face to the pipeline that pushes people in the orbit of people who want to convince them that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad if some other people did. I’m concerned about DropOut pushing JVP/SJP-style propaganda (both in employees’ social media & in campaigns), pushing people towards JVP & associated organizations, which themselves push people towards terror groups like the PFLP.

I’m concerned about The McElroys fundraising for PCRF, an organization with concerning ties, run by openly antisemitic people, that pushes antisemitic narratives. I’m concerned about the Green Brothers fundraising for UNRWA, which Hamas is heavily embedded in, and whose employees participated in the October 7th attacks. I’m concerned about the broader pattern of radicalization that this represents.

I’m concerned about queer nerdy neurodivergent people like me who grew up on Vlogbrothers or John Green novels or DFTBA records, who go to VidCon, who watch Polygon & Game Changers & SciShow & Brian David Gilbert & GeoTheBio & Worthikids & ContraPoints & Tom Cardy & follow fandom artists & cosplayers & listen to D20 & The Adventure Zone & MBMBAM & Sawbones & Delete This! & Chappell Roan & You’re Wrong About (or G-d forbid QAA & Behind the Bastards) & Conspirituality & Knowledge Fight & whoever else and are now surrounded by a media ecosystem in which many of its members are slowly (or perhaps in some cases not so slowly) tilting its floor into a funnel towards extreme, violent organizations.

I’m concerned about the people who aren’t connected to or knowledgeable enough about I/P to recognize that’s what’s happened. I’m concerned about the people who are and now find themselves losing comfort media, losing safety & feeling seen in their fandoms, losing community.

Idk if people know. Idk if they want to. Idk if anyone outside of like a handful of (let’s be real, mostly only Jewish) former DropOut fans are ever going to care.

The fact that a significant amount of influential & prolific people in the internet media landscape—several of whom have been so influential & prolific that their ventures have been described in media profiles as media “Empires”—are at most 2 degrees of separation from individuals actively promoting the manifesto of a terrorist organization involved in the October 7th massacre is truly, mind-bogglingly concerning.

[lunnybunny12]

Sandor Clegane X reader (Rory)

MODERN AU

A/N: This is a modern AU based off of this headcanon. 

Word count: 2036

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol, mentions of death

Master List

As an Infantry Soldier, Sandor served in the field, working to defend his country against any threats on the ground. He'd capture, destroy, and deter enemy forces, assist in reconnaissance, and help mobilize troops and weaponry to support the mission as the ground combat force. He'd seen good people get murdered, shot, hanged, killed. People with families to get back to and friends who would miss them. Sandor had neither, and yet he was allowed to return.

He took a large gulp of his drink and looked at his surroundings. Sandor had been to the bar many times before and the familiar hum of other patrons as they'd pull frothing glasses of beer to their lips was there like always. He heard the occasional clicks from the back where the pool-tables were placed. The smell of alcohol, snow and pine-scented air freshener drifted through the air as you dragged a damp rag across the bar.

"Oi Barkeep. Beer." Sandor called, fiddling some change from his pocket.

"Keys first, Dogface. Then you can drink," You retorted, not moving from your place at the bar. (Dogface- A nick-name for Infantrymen because they sleep in "Pup-tents" and hide in "dugouts")

Sandor sighed in annoyance and paused to look at you. It hadn't been the first time you had told him this, he never understood why but he knew full well that you weren't joking with him.

"Again?"

"Yes, again. now hand them over."

He begrudgingly did as he was told and slid the car keys across the bar, avoiding your outstretched hand completely. You snatched them away and placed them in your pocket, with a fake glare.

"Good boy. They'll be in the same place when you come to pick them up tomorrow." You said popping of the cap of a beer and sliding it towards him and going back to cleaning the bar.

"You're lucky you're one of the few people I can stand in this town" He grumbled.

"Oh I feel so honoured" you joked and rolled your eyes.

Since there were other customers to attend to you couldn't talk long, but it's not like he'd say much to you anyway. The community he had found himself in was quite tight-knit. Everyone knew everyone and it was tricky to not run into someone who had something to talk about. Sandor however was a very quiet individual who often kept to himself making him stand out to many of the residents.

As the night continued and other staff started their shifts, Sandor found himself looking at you from time to time. He watched you collect glasses, chat to customers, tell jokes and take orders. He found himself doing it allot recently and he didn't understand why. At some points, he had even begun te eavesdrop on your conversations since he had nothing better to do.

"Ah (y/n) hows Rory? Heard the lad had an accident" A customer asked as you took their order.

Sandor's ears pricked up. He'd never heard of a Rory before at least not from you, and from what he knew there wasn't a Rory in the village.

"Yeah, the silly thing fell down the stairs and hurt his leg. He's upstairs having a lie-down. he should be up and about in a few days though," You chuckled.

You had changed so much since he was dragged off to the army. You weren't a crazy teenager anymore but a grown woman, with a proper paying job and a life outside of work. Yet you were still the same when it came to your personality: humerus, silly, carefree, cheerful and stupid... my god were you stupid, you had to have been to be his friend.

"Right, consider me.. clocked out" You smiled to yourself and looked at Sandor.

"Why do you need to clock out? You own the bloody place." Sandor said.

"Yes, but its this new fangled technology thing that Mr Ray insisted I use, and you know what he's like. 'His town his rules.' Plus it helps me keep tabs on whos working."

"At least you understand half of the tripe you just said." Sandor joked taking another sip of his drink.

You rolled your eyes and patted his shoulder as you headed towards the door. "Goodnight everyone!" You yelled earning a cheer of goodnights.

Everything was different when Sandor went away. One day he was there and the next he wasn't, no warning, just a letter that said that he had been accepted into the army and to not expect him back for a long time, that was if he came back at all.

When he did eventually return he had also changed. His personality remained the same, as you expected but he had changed physically. He was taller, broader and stronger and his hair had been cut making his burn a more prominent feature.

If it was up to you, you would've stayed away from him but since yours was the only bar in town, he would come for a drink. Out of politeness you talked to him and sent the occasional harmless jab his way and in return he was civil. You were still angry that he hadn't said goodbye but you still cared, you must have done to take his keys.

It was misty that morning. All mornings were misty since the Autumn season rolled around. You loved Autumn. You loved the feeling of the wind rushing past your face and how the leaves crunched beneath your boots. Your favourite place to walk was at the park and since Rory had stopped limping around your apartment, you thought the park was a good idea.

Rory was a large thing. The hound was easily half your height when stood on all fours and towered above you when on his hind. In his youth, he would have been jet black and full of energy but as he aged, the fur around his snout and paws had dimmed to a light grey and he had mellowed out.

As you walked along the wet grass a sudden yelp bit through the air.

"Someone get their fucking dog!"

You immediately ran to the voice to see Sandor, on the ground with your dog licking his face.

"Rory! come here. You silly thing" you laughed as you latched the lead onto the dog's collar and pulled him away from Sandor.

The man looked awful. His hair was a mess and he was covered in dirt. The shirt he wore was the same as the day prior and he seemed half asleep.

"Were you sleeping in the bush?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine thanks for asking" Sandor huffed as he pulled himself off of the grass.

He was in a mood and in all honesty, you would be too if you were sleeping in a bush.

"What kind of dog is that? Looks like a living mop"

"He's a wolfhound and I can guarantee he's cleaner than you."

"Well, you try and stay clean when you've been sleeping in the park for 5 days," Sandor growled, dusting off some leaves from his pants.

"5 days?" you asked. "You've been sleeping here for 5 DAYS! What happened to your apartment?"

"No money to pay for an apartment."

"What about your job?"

"Why do you care?" Sandor asked, bending down to grab the blanket that was hidden in the shrubbery. He was about to walk away until you stood in front of him with a serious look.

"I care because we were friends once and I'll be dumbed if I let my friend sleep in the cold. So I will ask again... What about your job?"

The look Sandor gave you wasn't out of shock or surprise. It was a look of familiarity. A look of relaxed friendliness that you hadn't seen since before he left.

Sandor sighed and scratched his neck. " My job fired me a few weeks ago. Said that 'I have talents that could be useful elsewhere.'"

"They fired you without reason?"

"I stacked boxes (Y/n) and that's all I did."

"Load of cunts," you sighed. "Right you're coming home with me, you're gonna get a shower and we can talk about a job later."

"I didn't ask for your help."

"No, but you're getting it anyway. Follow me Dogface."

A month had passed since then and things once again changed.

You gave Sandor a job at the bar more suited to his skillset and became the security. The town was a tourist hotspot in the summer months and you would get the occasional rowdy bunch that you nor the rest of the residents liked to deal with. In the other months, Sandor would just hang around, help with any shipments that required heavy lifting and occasionally cover for a staff member. Since you couldn't have him sleeping in his car or in a bush you gave him the spare room in your apartment and when he could afford it he insisted on paying rent and wouldnt take no for an answer.

One day when Sandor came back from his shift, he was met with you, laying on the couch with Rory draped over you with his head on your chest. Rory had done this more than once and you thought it was adorable, whether it was to protect you or because he was cold you didn't know but it was adorable just the same.

"You look comfortable," Sandor said slipping off his shoes at the door.

"Oh, I am. Very much so. I was in the mood for cuddles and since you weren't here Rory stepped up" you joked, petting the sleeping dog.

At the corner of your eye, you saw Sandor's demeanour change. He straightened his posture and took a sharp breath in.

"You alright?

"I'm fine. move your legs." Sandor said sitting on the couch beside you as he leaned to grab the tv remote.

He had been doing that a lot. Whenever you joked about ding something a couple would do, he would shy away or close himself off and to be honest you were only half-joking. It why you were so upset when he left without a word of warning. You liked him but if he liked you was a different story.

"You jealous?" You asked

"Jealous?" Sandor chuffed. "Of Rory? Nah. You wouldn't go for an old dog like him"

"I like old dogs. They have more charm and personality than the younger ones." You answered as you ran your fingers through Rory's fur and kissed him on the head.

Sandor sighed and continued to look at the TV. He looked so handsome to you, he always did. Sure he was rough around the edges but its what drew you to him in the first place.

"I like you too, you know."

"What?" Sandor laughed and looked a you. He thought you were joking like you usually did but by the look on your face, you weren't.

By that point Rory had jumped off of the couch to get some water, allowing you to sit properly.

"I like you, Dogface."

"In what way?"

"In a romantic way... since before you left" a second of silence cut between you when you started laughing at yourself. Like a real laugh. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, it's not like you feel the same anyways."

"How do you know I don't like ya?"

"Look at me, Sandor. The only men in my life  are you, the customers and my dog, I'm not exactly a noble-born am I? Just a daft bar made"

You stood up and walked to the fridge to grab a few beers.

"I like a daft bar made. They're way more entertaining than the smart ones."

"Very funny" you said handing him a bottle and sitting back on the couch with a huff.

"I also like my bar made: brave, and strong, and funny. With... a nice dog and a home of her own. Look, I like you too. I like being around you. I...I like your face."

You laughed and shuffled closer to him and leant your head on his shoulder.

"Cute" you mumbled and leant up to kiss his cheek. " I like your face too"

[shangyang]

so, let's talk about the lindsay ellis video?

alright, first thing, if you haven't seen mask off, which is lindsay ellis' video on the events that took place around 2 weeks ago now, i've just linked it above. it's around 1hr40mins, and bodes watching, since a) ellis makes very good points about what went down surrounding her deactivation of her twitter account and b) i am not here to recap ellis' 1hr40min video. why not? i really, really don't have the patience to, and i think if you're reading this, then you've seen ellis' video already.

anyways, first things first, a TLDR; i agree with ellis on the main point of her video. what happened to her in the aftermath of the tweets was largely abusive and vitriolic, and when she says that it escalated from "valid criticism" to "dogpiling and abuse" very quickly, and while she was asleep; she very much has a point, and is correct about it.

that's your TLDR on this. if you take away nothing else, by god, let it be that.

so let me start this off by admitting that in my own, initial response/posts/whatever about the raya incident, i didn't really talk about the bad faith criticism, the hate-mobbing, etc. that happened in the wake of ellis' initial tweets. largely, that's due in part to the fact that i wasn't looking at those responses - they didn't really cross my TL, because for the most part, i tend not to follow people who respond like that to any situation. (they tend to be antis. and i really don't want to see anti rhetoric or like, 13-16 year olds on twitter on my timeline to begin with.) so i'll correct myself here: though i stated that the large amount of criticism was "valid criticism" i was wrong in that regard. i didn't know the full scope of the response to ellis' tweets, and it was my mistake for not looking into it further before making that generalization.

throughout her video, ellis does address the meaning of her statements; that, in the end, they were meant to talk about the narrative similarities, not exactly the cultural similarities. to be frank, i still think the comments ellis had made were very easy to misconstrue as talking about cultural similarities, but at the same time, i'm not really looking to start talking again about the broader issue we have with comparing asian fantasies to ATLA. i said it in my initial set of posts, but that is not an issue that starts and ends with lindsay ellis -- rather, that's a greater issue with the US entertainment/media industry and american media consumption.

but i digress. i disagree with lindsay ellis on a lot. i think there's validity to looking at her videos and her statements and how they can impact marginalized communities, since she's a rather large figure in her particular area of youtube. i don't agree with a lot of her takes! i think it's safe to say that we rarely see exactly eye to eye with a lot of people who run in similar media/ideological circles - in the end, you have your own opinions that are shaped by your unique experiences, and that's natural. but, she makes a point about this weird standard of purity culture we've cultivated online over the past decade or so. ellis is right to criticize the fact that these mobs - for lack of better terminology - are never really seeking to influence real change; rather, what they are looking for is performance, and they turn inwards to their own communities because "the shameless can't be shamed". so i think, when ellis talks about this, and the fact that these mobs then turned to youtubers associated with her, to demand they "denounce" her, she's right.

fandom, fan, and creative spaces are oddly, and almost violently divided - especially on a website like twitter, which is the current axis on which fandom activity turns (sorry tumblr). the term "twitter mob" has practically made it into mainstream jargon, and that's really for a reason. we see this in fan spaces, where artists and writers get run off twitter/sent death threats/doxxed for creating problematic content. we see fiction being equated to real life as if there isn't actual nuance to the issue - and as if that nuance isn't a point of continuous study in both psychology, sociology, and media studies.

so, i suppose that's to say: i stand by my disagreements and gripes about ellis' tweets, as an indicator for a larger problem. but i don't condone death threats. i don't condone mobbing people, nor do i condone mass harassment. and that is what happened to ellis, no matter the fact that i was unaware of it, and i was remiss in mentioning that. i think, even if you were hurt or upset by the raya tweets, or it irked you or you disagreed, there is merit to watching mask off, if only because ellis' arguments about the increasingly violent and vitriolic approach online communities take to disagreements and small "slights" - and i don't even know if this can be called a slight insomuch as it is more of a...insensitive moment? - is concerning. we ought to be concerned.

[hecallsmehischild]

Recent Media Consumed

Books

War Nerd by Gary Brecher. I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this book. First off, I had to try three times to read it, because the first two times I read it, I was in an emotionally unstable period, and this is NOT a book to read in emotionally unstable periods. On the third try, I blew right through it. Second thing is about the way it’s written. On the one hand, I wish all history texts were written with HALF the color and vigor and humor of this writer, because I would have retained way more information. On the other hand, it was incredibly difficult for me to come to terms with this style of angry, bitter humor combined with a worldview I can’t really understand. Which, I suppose, leads into some of my major take-aways from this book: human nature is not basically good (I already believed that, but this is a pretty good secular argument for it), human nature seems to crave war and peace is the exception, and there literally are people in the world who I will never understand no matter how hard I try because they want things that are antithetical to absolutely everything I deem important. I don’t mean minor things or even the things we all know come into conflict, like religion. I’m talking about things like peace. If you look at what peoples’ actions tell you over their words, it seems like some people (individuals AND nation groups) genuinely thrive on death and war, and that that was in fact the state of things for far longer than attempts at peace. It’s a difficult book on all fronts (except readability, it’s quite readable and certainly more enjoyable than most history texts as I’ve said), but it makes you think. I also can’t speak for how accurate this book is, but it is written by someone who clearly has a hyperfixation, so...

Inside The Robe by Katherine Mader. Judge Mader, a criminal court judge in LA County, kept a court diary throughout 2016. This book is the result of that diary, and is her attempt at giving an “insider’s view” on being a criminal court judge. She is a colorful writer with very clear descriptions and a distinctive voice. This book was a pleasure to read and gave me a better understanding of the incentives and constraints on judges through her daily vignettes.

Economic Facts and Fallacies by Thomas Sowell. I read this in the wake of my second reading of Basic Economics and thought this would be a good follow-up read. There’s a lot of overlap here, but this book delves more in-depth into some concepts that Sowell had to give less attention to in Basic Economics for the sake of providing a broader overview. As usual, there are some concepts that get a little too abstract for me to hang onto very well, but the majority of his work is very understandable and makes sense to me. I am grateful for the clarity with which he writes.

A Man of Letters by Thomas Sowell. This is actually a good accompaniment to his memoir, A Personal Odyssey. He collects several letters he wrote (and a few select ones addressed to him) to sketch his reactions to various events in his life. He has quite the dry wit. It was a treat to get a further glimpse into his life.

Books I had to drop and why

Battles of the Bible by Chaim Herzog and Mordechai Gichon. Sometimes I have to admit I made a mistake and not keep trying to force myself to spend time on a book I’m not enjoying. I thought perhaps this book would help me understand some context of the Biblical stories more, but really what this is is comprehensive step-by-step war strategy (complete with diagrams and TERRAIN MAPS) of each battle in the Old Testament. And… that’s not what I’m looking for.

The Road to Serfdom by Friedrich Hayek. I’m kind of sad about this one. Thomas Sowell has referenced Hayek reverently and I was told The Road to Serfdom would be a good read for me. Unfortunately what I’m coming to understand is that it’s very difficult for me to grasp ideas when talked about ONLY in the abstract. This is why Sowell is usually a much better read for me, because he tends toward giving concrete examples, so after about 3 chapters of barely getting what Hayek wanted to convey, I switched over to…

Marxism by Thomas Sowell. And I was also crestfallen here. From the fragments I gather, Marx (who Sowell studied extensively and followed wholeheartedly in his college days) broke things down almost exclusively to their most abstract concepts before building back toward concrete ideas and tended to look down on any economist who only examined things as they appeared. Prior to this I had some vague notion that maybe I could eventually read Marx and understand the root texts of socialism/communism, but according to Sowell, there’s a lot of pre-requisite reading involved in really understanding what Marx & Engels were talking about. He also criticized most interpreters of not bothering to do their homework on surrounding texts and that many have mangled some of Marx’s points. I was not able to make it past chapter two of this book because I was floundering pretty hard. It’s a little discouraging to feel the limits of my comprehension so sharply. I’m going to take a break with some fiction.

Video Games

Bendy and the Ink Machine. Want to talk about being late to the bandwagon? I mean, I got on the bandwagon when everyone was talking about it, but then I got through chapter 3 and there was a graphics reboot, so I started playing from the top and then kind of… dropped off? Never got past chapter 3. Finally, I felt like I was in a good place and could take the jump scares, so I blasted through the first three chapters in about a night. Then for the next couple days I played through the last two chapters. I have to say, chapter 4 is my favorite and has probably the most disturbing image that, while disturbing, was epic and fantastic in its own creepy way (merry-go-round-and-round, anybody?). I didn’t really understand the ending, but there were some interesting theories to be found on Youtube about what it all means. This was an enjoyable game for someone like me who can’t really handle high level horror and isn’t too adept with controls because it had simple controls and the horror was… toned down, I’d say. I played through Soma and I tried (and absolutely ditched) Amnesia, and Bendy is at about the level of horror I can deal with. Good game.

Confess My Love. Started and ditched it. I was very, very annoyed at the girl by five rejections. In the end, I rejected HER by uninstalling the game.

Movies

Wolfwalkers. *inarticulate noises* f-f-found family…. nnngh…. *gentle sobbing*

[theshoesofatiredman]

When you are deconstructing your faith, it's not unusual that some of the baggage is going to carry over. Deconstruction is a long journey and your faith system likely packed a lot of bags for you. For example, your quest for truth can be just as fundamentalist, just as rigid, inside a deconstructing framework as it can inside the framework of evangelicalism. It's important to deconstruct that fundamentalist approach to truth seeking in order for your deconstruction to not just be more of the same evils you're trying to flee. The same goes for the need to get everyone to believe what you believe.

For example, here is a great post by @eivor-wolfkissed about Islamophobia in ex christian blogs. They make great points about how they are bringing their superiority complex from Christianity into their ignorant critiques of Islam. It enables hate and narrows perspectives.

I also saw a similarly great post by @positivelyatheist about the poor treatment that atheists receive from theists. It's along the same lines though their critique was not directed at ex Christians specifically though I think the same idea applies. Atheists have been subject to gross mistreatment and mischaracterization from the Christian community. This behavior is incredibly wrong, profoundly hurtful, and deeply ingrained inside fundamentalist evangelicalism.

What I currently struggle with in that is not knowing when I am morally obligated, by nature of how toxic an ideology is, to critique and try to change minds. There are things about certain types of atheism and certain sects of Islam that are really bad for other people. There are things about Christianity that are bad for other people. We do not have a set of perfect ideologies out there in the world that is entirely free from toxicity. If we do not talk about it, we will never improve our ways of thinking.

For example, here is another post that is a critique of a specific ex religious brand of atheism that seeks to destroy spirituality, that wields pessimism against the joy and fulfillment that people find within faith based communities, and that may be driven by bigotry as much as it is a zeal for anti-theism. This is incredibly toxic and deserves critique. At least, imo. It may not have the codified systems and entrenched power structures to cause the same scale of damage as militant evangelicalism but I don't think it's that hot of a take to say that tearing down things that bring joy is a societal ill.

I feel like I can like and support the ideas in both the "pro atheist" and "anti atheist" posts here because in my mind they are describing different things that happen to use the broader umbrella term of atheist, simply because, as far as I know, there isn't really language to distinguish between atheist brands. Atheists deserve respect as people but respect for their beliefs, depending on harm, can and should vary. The same goes for other ideologies.

So back to my question - do I have any moral obligation to try and turn people away from harmful ideologies? For example, I believe that QAnon is a wholly toxic thing. No part of it is good. It was created to advance a flawed political agenda, has deep roots in bigotry, is deeply untrue, and prevents a picture of the world and humankind that strips people it stands against of their very humanity. There are members of my family that are Q believers. Am I obligated to try and pull them out of that?

Of course, I have tried to call out the lies when I can and critique the ideology when I've had the opportunity. It is terrible to see them believing QAnon insanity. But this has done little to change their minds. It's very hard for me to convince my parents of anything that doesn't line up with their thinking since I lost all my credibility and moral authority by becoming more liberal and dating a man. But do I have an obligation to keep trying? Does anyone?

We as a society have very strong ethical systems surrounding the preservation of physical life. But what kinds of ethical systems should we have for preserving a person's ideological life? If we would not abandon a person to disease, why would we abandon a person to a conspiracy theory? A false religion? A dangerous cult? A racist political party? A verbally abusive workplace?

I have no desire to abandon my fellow human to any harmful system of thought. Yet, there are times when I am unequipped or ill-suited to deal with the problem. These things seem very case by case, but even then it's hard to parse.

[windandwater]

I am sometimes jarringly reminded that most people in the US didn’t grow up just casually surrounded by deaf people: latest evidence was when my psychiatrist gave me a blank look when I said I got a sunrise alarm (an alarm that uses light rather than sound) to try waking up in a less jarring and more natural way.

I’d always known what they were because...I mean, I grew up around deaf people and that’s what they would use? anyone can use them for a variety of reasons but that’s why I knew they existed.

another time is any time someone thanks me or gets excited for “deaf representation” in my fics/writing. I understand but it’s also just...yes? there are deaf people in my fic because there are deaf people in life. “representation” shouldn’t feel like it carries the connotation of being slightly shoehorned in but it sometimes does and when I write deaf characters they always show up naturally. as all “diverse” characters should! it’s just, life experience makes it very easy for me to fold deaf characters in without thinking about it. it’s uncomfortable to be complimented for that. I didn’t really do anything.

I just...knew people...and tried to talk to them and failed a lot and put my foot in it sometimes but other times it was great and I met really cool people because of it. (there was a language barrier! it was rough! we all did our best but we’re all just people.) it’s weird to later on get all this kudos for just trying to communicate and be friends with people around you.

there are some signs I just use as part of my regular talking and I forget that people don’t just know what they mean?

(as such, I use them less and less and am increasingly sad to lose them)

I don’t get special woke points for any of this even if that was a thing...it was a matter of circumstance and my current circumstances have removed me from the deaf community which among other things makes me less fluent in ASL and my knowledge wildly out of date. so I dunno what the point of all this is. 

I think it’s that I grew up in a world with broader horizons than many people’s and then those horizons broadened somewhat (to include the queer community) but also narrowed (to exclude nearly everyone else) in a lot of other ways and I’m very very saddened by that sometimes. I miss signing. I miss knowing people whose worldview was different from mine. I wish the world was different than it is. I wish I could just talk to people the way I used to and it wasn’t a whole thing, to them or me or anyone else.

(backstory notes: I grew up near DC which has Gallaudet University, for deaf/hard of hearing folks, and as such many of my classmates/people in my community had hearing impairments or parents with them. Beyond taking classes in school in ASL I also learned it elsewhere. It’s the only language I’ve ever been good at. I think most of my friends/people I know knew at least a few basic signs--it was also very normal for us to do things like sign across the room or while someone was on the phone to quickly communicate. or learn how to sign the lyrics to a boyband song. ... shut up.)

[fromirelandtokorea]

Lesson #129: The LGBT+ Community in Korea:

LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and more) issues are being more accepted and addressed worldwide in recent years, with many new countries passing laws against discrimination, conversion therapy and introducing laws for same-sex marriage and gender confirmation on legal documents (passports, licenses, etc.)

However, as wonderful as this is for LGBTQ+ people, it does not mean that they are all accepted and loved for who they are. In South Korea, the conservative society still deems homosexuality as unnatural or a choice that people make, contrary to the fact and knowledge of broader LGBTQ+ identities and orientations are very much lacking. Same-sex sexual activity is legal in Korea, but same-sex marriage is not. As well as this, conversion therapy is not banned, homosexual military applicants are illegal and same-sex couples cannot adopt. 

There are some protections in place for queer Koreans, against discrimination in general and in areas such as housing and employment discrimination, as well as gender confirmation being legalized and more openly accepted. Citizens of all ages in this society have shown support or opposition to LGBTQ+ movements, with protestors gathering at queer events such as Seoul Queer Festival, calling it “obscene and provocative”. One Korean citizen whom I interviewed mentioned that one year when he was present at the festival he witnessed “vagina cookies, d*ck jelly” at the festival and found it quite revealing and provocative. Many opposing Koreans seem to think that all queer people dress in an outrageous fashion and said that they hope that they can welcome them back to “Korean standards” and “religious values”.

In an interview conducted at Seoul Queer Festival, many younger people who attended the festival said that many people are stuck in the old ways and that foreign views on these issues are very different. It seems that the younger generation is becoming more aware of how the conservative society is affecting queer people, forcing them to isolate themselves and feel alone and alienated, which in turn can have a detrimental effect on their mental health and physical wellbeing. 

It is frighteningly clear that there are a large number of worrying issues surrounding these vulnerable people, however, fortunately there is progress being made in South Korea every year, and more awareness being spread worldwide about these issues. 

To get a further, more personal insight into these issues, I asked a Korean friend of mine who is currently working in Ireland to answer some questions I had about LGBTQ+ issues in Korea. Here are the questions I asked and the answers that my friend Hansol provided me with: Q. What is LGBT+/gay culture like in Korea and is it different to Ireland? A. We are very closed. Especially old people think that it is awful. But the new generation are starting to understand LGBT.

Q. What do you think about it? Did coming to Ireland change your opinion or thoughts on Korea’s closed culture? A. Yes absolutely. When I was in Korea I used to work as a campaigner at LUSH which is a cosmetic brand. And I worked for LGBT (people) as well. But even though I worked for LGBT, I couldn’t understand them totally. It looks so weird.

Q. What about Ireland changed that for you? A. Since I’ve been here, I’ve seen LGBT (people) more than Korea, it’s started to adapt. I realise LGBT are the same as us and it's a common culture, and gay people get married, they don’t care to kiss on the street. But in my country, it’s rare to see that. I feel like Irish respect them, in Korea most people don’t respect them so LGBT hides from society. 

Q. If someone came out to you as LGBT+, what would you say to them now after coming to Ireland? A. I just respect whatever they do, I just leave them. 

Q. Do you think that LGBT+ people have a hard time around the world? A. I think, so far. Actually, I have no idea about western culture but especially in Oriental culture.

Q. Korea has a lot of different religions, do you think religion is a big reason it is disrespected or the general conservative society? A. Especially Christian. We have an LGBT parade, but it’s not common. It’s a minority event and sometimes Christians protest in front of them. 

Q. Do you think LGBT+ Koreans and foreigners are treated differently in Korea? A. I think so. We have an open mind for foreigners, so we can understand LGBT from abroad. 

As you can tell, Hansol really gave me an interesting insight into the views on LGBT+ issues and how her view has changed since she came to Ireland. Still left with some curiosity and a need for more opinions, I posted on HelloTalk asking Koreans for their opinions on LGBTQ+ people and issues. Here were the responses:

진세린 (Jin Serin): 편견없어요 그들도 사람을 사랑하고 있는 사람이죠. Trans: No prejudice, they are people who love people.

Sung yong: I wanna be gay too! Cuz they get dressed so well and they are always amongst the girls lmao. But if they show any interest in me, I would be umm..

StanleyHan: 점점 이해하는 사람들이 많아지고 있어요! Trans: More and more people understand! 90Babo: 여자만이 남자를 사랑할 수 있어요? ㅋㅋㅋ But I’m a straight. Trans: Can only a woman love a man? Ha ha ha But I’m a straight.

Jay: Well...these people are so open-minded haha. I feel still quite disgusting. I saw they made vagina cookies and d*ck jelly in lgbt festival in seoul and they’re spreading AIDS..Lesbians cause gender confliction of the websites and many girls are participating in it. I don’t want to care about them but they do like to reveal themselves. That’s why I don’t understand them though. 

Marquis St.German: 게이들 중에 40-50프로는 여지친구 두고, 결혼해서 아들, 딸 있던데, 꼭 그런 것만은 아닌 듯 하네요.. Trans: Among the gays, 40-50% have had a girlfriend, married and had a son or daughter. It doesn’t seem like it..

Jaemi gyopo 3sae: Never understood it and found it gross. But I watched Call Me By Your Name. It changed my mind on how I felt. That you could love someone of the same gender. And the feelings are true. And love would be true. People find it disgusting because they are thinking about it sexually, which is just a small part of love. 

Soojin: It seems like people are living in two separate worlds. Some straight people never know that there are so many LGBT+ people around them and just think those are only seen in queer parade, And some of them believe it’s okay to reveal their hate directly, since Korean society allows that. 지금은 나아지고 있다고 하는데, 제가 초, 중, 고등학교 다닐때이와 관련뒨 교유육은 받아본 적 없어요. Trans: It is said that it is getting better now, but I have never received any education related to it when I was in elementary, middle and high school.

If you made it to the end of this post, firstly thank you and secondly I hope you don’t lose hope with any negativity on this post. I am a huge supporter and a member of the LGBT+ community, and I hope that with knowledge of this issue we can help educate and make people aware of who we really are. I hope that you take the positives away from this post instead of the negatives, and remind yourself that you matter, you are loved and you are amazing. If any of this has hurt or triggered you I have a list of contacts and helplines you can contact, or you can talk to me. You are not alone.

Thank you, Caitlín xo

[action]

#BlackExcellence365 Artist Spotlight: Asaph Luccas

We’re back with another #BlackExcellence365 Artist Spotlight! Meet Asaph Luccas (@asaphluccas), a Black Brazilian portraiture artist who has been uploading his art to Tumblr since 2012 (!). We got to talk to him a bit about his career trajectory and Negritudes Brasileiras, his documentary about colorism in Brazil. Read on below.

Your art focuses on highlighting dark-skinned women and men in São Paulo. How important is it for you to highlight the Black diaspora as an artist?

Actually, I try to portray a lot of the diversity of blackness. I mean, not only in shades but in shapes, sexual orientation, hair, style…I love drawing people and with time I saw how powerful art can be so I started adding more and more variety of people in what I do. My art helps me to understand and be proud of who I am and by that, I hope it catches on the people seeing it.

Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you came to be an artist and filmmaker? How has Tumblr been a place for you to find your voice? 

I'm Asaph, a 24 years old Brazilian multidisciplinary artist. At heart I am a visual creator, painting what I live through my lens. It's really awesome to answer that question because I started posting my art on Tumblr when I was 17! Tumblr had a huge influence on my trajectory as an artist because it was the place where I connected my art with other people. You can actually see all my growing as an artist and as a person of color scrolling through my archive. First, I used to draw mostly white characters. I created what people made me believe was the "art beauty" and that came with years and years of self-loathing and trying to fit into white standards. It only started to change when I connected with my roots and started studying more about racism in Brazil. You see, we are more than 54% of the population but when you turn on the TV there are no black TV hosts, no black protagonists in the telenovelas. So I stopped trying to portray something that I'm not, something that doesn't represent the reality of the place I live,.

What communities do you identify with both online and IRL? 

I'm black, a really femme gay boy and I lived almost my whole life on the Brazilian periphery. This holds such an important part of who I am. Most of my friends are also black and part of the LGBT community and we started a film collective named Gleba do Pêssego and get to create films together talking about marginalized identities that usually we don't see being represented here. We as queer individuals get the opportunity to create our own families and also create our own references, so my support system is basically friends and other Brazilian artists doing great things right now, such as Edu Reis, Oliv Barros, and Ione Maria.

How did you come up with your featured piece and how might this relate to the broader conversation surrounding the #BlackExcellence365 campaign? 

I started my Black I-d series because I didn't have [any] other illustrators to look up to and inspire me to draw black characters when I started. I wanted to inspire younger artists (including myself) to know that drawing black people is beautiful and YES, we can be artists! As a light-skinned black person living in Brazil, a country where most mixed people spend a lot of their lives trying to pass as white and where there's almost no representation of the variety of the black experience, I had to find a way to say "hey, there isn't one way of being black, we came in a lot of shades, shapes, colors, and souls and we need to be represented!" and I'm so happy that I got to inspire people with it.

Your documentary Negritudes Brasileiras examines the conversation around racial identity and colorism in Brazil. Why was that documentary important for you to create?

In our journey we make films bringing light to marginalized identities and this year we got to make a documentary with Nátaly Neri, one of the biggest voices in the young black community right now, about racial identification since Brazil is such a racially mixed country. I got to say everything that my paintings couldn't, exploring my art in many ways, and I'm proud of what this represents.

What are some of the challenges you face as an artist and a filmmaker? 

Support. Definitely support. Emotionally because when you grew up poor you're not allowed to dream about being an artist, about being a filmmaker. Education in those areas is so expensive that must of us can't afford it and we have to teach ourselves how to do everything. By not being part of the academy, a lot of times people don't see us as real creators. Financially because I have to work on other things to provide for myself because it's so hard to live as an artist/filmmaker here and that means I don't have the time to invest as many other artists have.

Thanks for chatting with us, @asaphluccas!

Tumblr artists, what kind of challenges have you faced when making your art? Can you relate to Asaph? Make a post, tag it #BlackExcellence365, and share it with the community.

[casualkoalafart]

Life These Days.

Disabilities are associated with weakness. The biggest disability is living in an unhealthy mindset, and getting trapped in it. Perspective(s), and the ability to control your perspective, is strength. It gives you power, rather than feed your deterioration.  Strength and success are different for everyone and do not have and specific unit of measurement, despite what society depicts. Everyone is different, and is seen different. The idea that you have to look and act a certain way that is unreachable to 99% of us is mental abuse. No matter your race or religion, we are all equal in the eyes of the natural world, although it is a sad, unnecessary, and certainly outdated fight that too many still face today within our human world. The only things that truly matter come from within, and often require some searching through trial and error. I am certainly not perfect, I have made more mistakes and bad choices in my life than I can count, and I want to learn from them. I cannot change the past, but I can change the future. My past does not define me. The person you are within your family, your friends, your workplace, your neighbourhood, and your society are all strangers to each other in one way or another. They are aware that each of them exists, but a different thought process prepares you for the presented environments.

One person’s strength is someone else’s weakness. Winning the lottery could save so many lives if put into the right places, however it could also be the death of you if you are overcome by addiction, greed, or any other toxicities. The ability to put yourself into someone else’s shoes is a mindset that many of us as humans lack, whether we like it or not. After all, how are we supposed to relate to someone who is starving if we don’t know what it is like to be truly hungry? How do we understand what an abused child sees in the world if our brains were developed in a safe and healthy environment? These are uncomfortable thoughts that often lead to the sad path of “ignorance is bliss.” For others, it may have a lasting impact of giving them their purpose in life. Like becoming a detective, a therapist, or a positive role model to whatever cause speaks to them.  

Everyone has the right to speak, but not to be heard. Some people are heard by too many and get overwhelmed, and begin a filtering process that should not exist toward their feelings and emotions. Some people are getting heard by too many and are abusing their power through brainwashing impressionable people too scared to think for themselves. Some people are getting heard by the wrong people, inevitably feeling judged and out of place in the world. Humans have great instincts, but often do not have the confidence to follow them.  Finding someone like-minded is refreshing, just as finding someone that believes in something that you do not can feel offensive and cause you to become defensive. These lessons that present themselves to us in the form of challenges make us who we are. Everyone expresses themselves differently, and that is what makes the world so beautiful. Art, music, literature, traditions, food, drink, and each unique personality makes life worth living. For those who have yet to find a way to express themselves, the opportunities to deal with their thoughts while also feeling safe and understood (despite whether the view or perspective is the same as the listener), are everything. The right to speak gives you the right to be judged, something that many find out the hard way. It can be discouraging, and that feeling of failure sticks with you more prominently than any win, especially to yourself.

Every mind is its own universe, and the energy that comes from it we feel is seen by who (or what) we call god. We strive to be heard and felt, because after all we can only truly feel our own feelings, and we want to share those feelings with others. Listening and hearing others in the way they express themselves through whichever outlet best suits them brings power, empathy, and unity. The sense of being alone in the world is a feeling that has unfortunately impacted everyone. As unique and different that we all are, we are the same in that sense. I feel my energy is felt through the earth, and I find comfort in and with those who share my perspective. I feel I am most understood and heard by animals, my family, and my best friends. I am really attracted to the energy from animals because I have yet to find my way in the world, my true outlet for my feelings and expressions, or something that I feel is my purpose. With animals not being able to communicate with language, and since I cannot always seem to put things into words for others to understand me, I feel a true connection through the brainwaves, the loving and healing energy we make and willingly give to one another, specially made for each being. I do not want my energy that I create to come from animals, because I do not want to take from them. They already willingly give so much, but we continue to take and take and take until there is ultimately nothing left.

Right now, the world is speaking to us with the undeniable statistics through every outlet and source possible. Unfortunately, we do not listen, and the next warning I fear will be fatal. Global warming,  fires, floods, plagues, are begging for us to acknowledge that we are killing our Mother Earth, and we are not listening. Hatred, inequality, and the sensation that we cannot make a difference in these challenging times is going to undoubtedly be our last fight, and we must keep fighting. With lockdown forcing all of us to reflect in this time, our biggest strength would be to come together while we are apart. Many of us feel our weakest, and as strange as it sounds, we could use that to our advantage. Turning weakness into strength is not only achievable, it is necessary. Humans are so incredible, we are inventors and have made a way to connect all of us, in the idea that by doing so, no one is alone. This creates a broader sense of loneliness, being surrounded by the internet world but still not being seen for who you are. So, we are back at the beginning again it seems. Some people go to extreme lengths to be heard or remembered. The idea of being alone is a powerful feeling that can lead to either good or evil, or in tragic (but not rare) cases, suicide. We need to understand that the rising of mental sickness is another form in which our planet is letting us know that we are literally killing ourselves. Too many are unable to deal with stress, guilt, pressure, loss, and so on. Drug addictions, accidental or purposeful overdoses, and self-harm are all fatal hand-me-down outlets to deal with man-made problems that we should never have had to deal with in the first place. These man-made problems are not made up or any less real than a hurricane. They create new emotions, ones that we are not equip to handle,  forcing our bodies to call for any response to these ever-evolving threats, and are often fatal solutions. Depression and anxiety should not be a mental illness, they are simply emotions that come with the good of life. Nobody is happy all the time, and the idea that life should always be happy is sad in itself. When there is life, there is death. Where there is good, there is bad. Where there is love, there is hate. Instead of teaching each other how to handle the yin and the yang, we prescribe drugs like opioids, while also trying to convey the image that drugs are bad and drug addicts are failures. So many poor people are brainwashed into thinking that marijuana is bad, but for some reason popping pills to manipulate your body to function is normal. Writing this makes my heart race, and I cannot describe the feeling because it is a cocktail that is mixed with emotions that do not belong together. We do not know how to deal with so many things because to put it bluntly, they are not natural and they evolve every day and are designed to break us.  

Our relationships with each other is everything, and our compassion and ability to hear others is power. Emotions, and being able to talk about and express them, is a gift and a privilege. We have been given the false connotation that feelings are weakness, that the idea of healthy options and outlets of expression for them are also weakening. Someone who takes anti-depressants to cope with feelings, drinks excessively to not have to feel, and take drugs may have the sensation that they are being stronger than someone who goes to therapy. This is backwards, and we as a society need to understand this together. Our strength of our ability to exchange knowledge is getting the best of us with the media not passing on the right messages. The government favouring the majority and purposefully challenging the minority is poisoning all of us, because we are all the same. It can give a person too much power, the corrupt idea that you are somehow better than a person who is not on social media, planting trees for a living. It will give people who do not have a platform a feeling that they cannot make a change to the world, since they are just one person. Evilness derives from this false and discouraging perspective. It will not give the right people anything, it will eventually take from them everything that matters.

There is strength in getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth, creating a healthy routine. Don’t cut yourself short. You’re doing great. It’s not supposed to be easy.

I did not filter myself writing this, and I hope I did not offend anyone who took the time to read my thoughts. We are all just trying to find our place in the world. In the perspective from our planet, no person is above or below another. Society, a man-made revolution, needs to help spread the right messages. We are all part of society. You are society.

The idea of posting this to the world gives me anxiety, however I am doing it because I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and I want anyone who can relate to this message at all to know that they are not alone. I am also posting this to let ANYONE know that if they want to talk about something, I am happy to listen and to hear them. I hope this message can inspire you to feel comfortable in your mind, your body, and to not be embarrassed or feel shame to share yourself with the world through your personally suited outlet. I would love to see your art, hear your music, read your words, or learn other forms of expression from you.

In writing this, I have escaped in a sense. I have allowed so many overwhelming thoughts and emotions to form words, and with this vulnerability comes a sense of relief that I hope everyone feels they have access to.

I am so overwhelmed and overcome with emotions all of a sudden, and then they go away as if they were just thoughts passing by in a train, just making a quick stop to drop off some passengers and pick up others on their way to an unknown destination. I wish that I could control the waves in which I feel so helpless, heavy, weak, and overcome. I wish I could pace myself. I know a quick way out would be to inebriate myself, a desire of what seems like freedom is powerful and can become uncontrollable in seconds.

I really hope I am confident enough to share this one day. My goal is to organize my thoughts and feelings into words that I can be proud to own, unapologetically.

Thank goodness for computers. I love the idea of having a beautiful mind and expressing words through pen and paper. Making my words beautiful through calligraphy and ink created with my own specific muscle movements. I have a strange admiration for penmanship. However that is not the case, as my mind is a mess with thoughts that come and go at what seems like the speed of light. I am grateful for the ability to edit my words efficiently through text. But, with the sense that I am feeding into the “everything is instant” perspective/generation of society, I am also disappointed in myself for not being able to slow down my mind enough to hand write most of what I choose to put into words to remind my future self. Or my present self.

I feel like after starting this page, I have opened a vault. One that should never have been a vault to begin with, but a welcoming and open-minded space. Instead of numbing and silencing my mind, I would like to have the strength to escape my escape, get my bearings back in a healthy way by reading other people’s escapes, appreciating their art, or listening to stories. Grounding myself back into reality. That I am actually okay. That I am just another person. A somebody, or a nobody, depending on my perspective.

I feel like I have experienced so many emotions today, that my body was overtaken by my mind because it was trapped. I can’t even remember writing some of it, which is curious. Hopefully that is where dying comes in, to release your trapped mind. Not now of course, but that is a nice and comforting thought for me, to think that in facing your worst fear you achieve real freedom.

I am glad I wrote it down, to reflect on later.

Everything written above was written on February 5th, 2021. It was snowy today. I had a lot of butterflies feeling my mind race so fast on so many deep levels. It is now 21:22, and although I still don’t quite know how I’m feeling, I feel like I have said what I needed to for the day. I also did not drink any alcohol today, which I am proud of after doing so much self-reflection. I am going to cuddle with Sammy, play games, and try to feel at peace with where I am in the world and in my mind.

Goodnight.  

[dilutedheartbeat]

So, there's a weird part about growing up queer in a queer family, surrounded by fellow queers of all walks of life. You still get shit on by the world, and it hurts - hurts SO FUCKING MUCH - but there's a disconnect there, as well. After all, my family understands. They truly do understand the pain of changing what parts of you that you share with the world, with your friends at school and at their homes.

I already did this because of our religion, the additional editing barely registered.

I take that back, I was more open about being raised a Witch by other Witches than I was that sometimes I didn't feel like a girl or that girls and boys were roughly equally interesting. I was more open about the fact that we could name every single person who had passed on our religion going back over 500 years than the fact that several of my Aunts and Uncles in the community - both the Queer and the Pagan, and there were several that, like us, lay in the overlap - crossed gender boundaries in one way or another.

I grew up knowing first-hand how the AIDS crisis affected people. My Uncle Clemeth died when I was around 7 years old. I hadn't seen him in months because of the rules for the hospice house, after a lifetime of seeing him a few times a month. I'd barely seen his partner (not husband, because that was still over 20 years away, and not his domestic partner because that was still about 15 years off) in that time, because he'd been at the hospice house every day, every second he could, watching the love of his life waste away. The only person that could spend any time with him was the in-home caregiver who'd been caring for Clemeth before he got too ill, and I am very happy to say that the two of them are still together, still taking care of each other now as legally recognized spouses.

I grew up never worrying that my parents would be disappointed in whatever path I took. I was extremely privileged for that, and only wish I could do the same for my own kids (their father's family has them terrified of their own shadows, and I am slowly working through legal shit trying to get them away from that). I didn't have to worry that my parents would tear up my books or posters, destroy my jewelry or clothes over me choosing a different religious path. That I had been vocal since about 3 years old regarding which Gods called to me actually never factored into any of that. I didn't have to worry that my openly Bi parents, who were also openly polyamorous, would every shame me for my sexual wants or desires; they only made sure that I could talk to them about what I wanted or needed, and would help me safely explore.

I can still laugh at my mom buying me my first vibrator when I was 16, and the years later conversation in my twenties about how sex was weird as I'd recently discovered.

I can also still feel the warmth of her rage when she learned some of the shit that asshole pulled, and the way I felt safe telling her. I hope my siblings could feel the ice of my own when he tried to target them later.

I grew up going to Pride, marching in it, gleefully introducing my first girlfriend to my parents, even though we were only "out" to a handful of friends at school. I still think of her fondly, and hope she's well. I got to grow up around IT workers, social workers, authors, sex workers, tattooists, and people from every other walk of life. I got to dye my hair, cut it however I wanted. I got to choose when I got my first piercing, where it was (my ears, boringly enough, at age 4, though i plan on at least two more once it's safe) and when I wanted to gauge up they got me the jewelry and had me talk to some fellow poly Pagan friends about care and taking it slow.

When, at age 8 I was repeatedly trying to kill myself, my parents sought help. One of them sat me down and talked about her own struggles, and they found me a professional to talk to, and they made an effort to spend more time with me. Just because my problem was bigger than that didn't mean it didn't help, and they checked with me regularly about it; when I was in high school and spiraled heavily, they got me to the doctor, talked to her and let me talk to her privately, and reminded me to take the meds I was prescribed. When that med didn't help, they listened to me after I had to change to an entirely different med class, and shared their happiness that I was doing better.

They had learned after not listening to my younger sister, you see. My parents aren't perfect, and that whole talk I had when I was 8 scarred me heavily. Don't fucking tell your kids that you have it worse, okay? And maybe, just maybe listen when your kid tells you that the prozac makes them too manic and don't insist they can't be bipolar like mom's side of the family only depressed like yours, nearly killing your kid in the process. My sister is much better these days, but that was one of the first big experiences after the amnesia, and is still understandably bitter over it. Our older sibling and I are, too.

As an adult, I still had to deal with people being bigoted pieces of shit, now without the buffer of my parents. I had to deal with abusers who saw my barely acknowledged bisexuality as an easy target. I had to deal with classmates and coworkers mocking a later boyfriend for being gay. He wasn't, is still straight and cis, and unfortunately now a shitty dad, but because he taught ballroom dance that made him gay apparently. I still had to deal with lesbians insisting I just needed to pick a side. I still had to deal with homophobia, and biphobia, on top of defending my religion.

People fucking suck, okay?

As an adult, who grew up queer in a queer family surrounded by a queer community, though, it has brought me great pleasure to watch people try to make bigoted arguments, to convince me that somehow, at some time in some way I understood (understand) why it's a problem to let people be who they are. It's not a moral standpoint. It's not an ethical standpoint. They just really can't comprehend that I don't hate myself on some level, because I was never taught to. My exposure to that kind of bullshit was extremely limited to public school and visiting my grandmothers. Even then, the kids didn't know what they didn't know, and at least one of my grandmothers only cared that she got to see us.

Every place we went, every one of my parents' friends we visited, I was surrounded by people who were queer or part of my religion, and frequently both. I was aware there were bigots in the broader Pagan community, but my parents didn't have the time for that, so it wasn't really in my sphere. I could be me, in public. If I was a boy that day, I was a boy that day, and no one said boo about it.

Even now, years and years later, seeing the uptick in TERF bullshit and purity bullshit and people trying to rewrite the history of my communities (both queer and pagan, and they can all fuck right off), I'm not ashamed. I'm not confused. I am who I always have been. Labels may have changed with time as people find new words that fit them better, but even as safe as my upbringing was, we all still are part of the same community; the world outside still existed, my parents simply took the hits for me.

I guess the reason I'm writing all this, sharing all this when I usually keep my personal stuff offline is that I'm seeing a lot of queer people under every label talking about how they somehow can't do all... ^^this... for their own future kids - whatever form those kids come in. Y'all, my parents are a Boomer and a Gen Xer. I'm still doing what I can for my kids. There's not a cis-het person in my immediate family! You can do this.

Please don't give up hope, or leave that hope to the wider world being more acceptable. That acceptance comes at the cost of lives and loves and so much time. Raise your kids in the community. Adopt kids in the community. Be an Aunt or Uncle or Adjacent Adult Figure of whatever term fits! Let kids know themselves and that you are there for them. I believe in you.

[tfwhynoy]

So I uh... Miss read a request for a soul mate au. Thought it said Tfa pain au with Optimus but it said Megatron. Well, have a pain au Optimus on me I guess.

When you were a kid you worried that you had no soul mate. Other children would get the pangs of scraped knees, stubbed toes, even a broken bone if they were unlucky enough. While not feeling that was good for the first few years of life when you grew to understand it the lack of pain made you feel lonely.

In middle school, some hope was brought back. Sometimes there is a large age difference between soul mates. Usually, it's a year or two, sometimes it's five. On rare occasions, it can even be upwards of thirty or forty. It was a weird thought, but it gave some hope that when you would eventually feel that pain like everyone else. Through you greatly preferred the even rarer possibility. Your soulmate’s nerves that felt pain didn't work, the only time they felt it would be if you hurt yourself. It was incredibly rare but it still happened. Maybe you were one of the rare few?

When you left high school you accepted that maybe you may not have a soul mate after all. You still loved, both platonic and romantic, but maybe you just didn’t have one.

Many thought such people were sad and lonely, doomed to roam around without true love. 

The community thought otherwise. Some said it was almost freeing, not having the hanging feeling of fate to dictate your life. Instead of waiting for a mythical perfect person you could do what you wanted without having to factor in another person you may know nothing about changing everything at once. Many stories of happily married elderly people were shown within, no pain shared but an eternal closeness still there. Even if you found you did have one later that was okay. You learned to love yourself in the process, despite how mainstream culture portrayed you.

Your apartment was shared with another roommate. A girl in her early twenties who went straight from high school to college named Simi. You had met her on some old forums when she talked about being really uncomfortable with how Simi’s old roommate shoved their soul mate in her face or insulted her for not wanting one herself. With rent being rather expensive in Detroit finding someone to share it with was nearly required. Considering you two lived close and neither would worry about having a repeat of the old roommate, you two had started renting out a small two-room apartment together.

It’s about ten in the morning when you and Simi are sitting together, watching the news. Her night classes meaning she takes up most of the mornings eating an od breakfast of dinosaur chicken nuggets and way too much barbeque sauce. There wasn’t much new, traffic is bad, new robotic development, some random “inspirational” story, some old Detriot on a slow news day.

It’s when the news anchor jumps on and quickly announces breaking the story that you sit up a bit straighter. 

“Homly shisht!” Simi damn near shouts around a mouth of nuggets.

The video feed is of a giant gooey bug thing. Large tendrils sprout from it’s back as it smacks the ground, the concrete shattering as a result. A bunch of cars surrounds the thing, none of which look to even have drivers considering the motorcycle is operating on its own.

When the large creature attempts to grab the largest vehicle, a black and green one, it begins talking of all things as it tries to pull back. You can’t make out what it’s saying, the audio to busy with so much commotion to understand it. Maybe these were some new Sumdac robots?

It breaks free for a moment and you can see the other cars move into action. 

A small child runs onto the screen, red pigtails bouncing as she chases a robotic dog.

“What the fuck are you doing kid? Get out of there before-” You stop mid-sentence as she’s grabbed, the very thing you guessed would happen. You cover your eyes with a groan, not wanting to see some kid get eaten on live TV. “Tell me when it’s over,”

You can hear her shriek faintly and grimace further.

“No wait look!” Simi grabs your shoulder, shaking you to try and get your attention. You peek through your eyes to see what you assume to be the firetruck finish trance forming.

He is are far to advance to be anything anyone has made but even still they stand strong. Lips larger than half women at work and stance chest broader than the men. His stance is strong as he pulls an ax out of god only knows where. The other vehicles quickly follow suit, each one just as impressive and unique as the last.

They rush at the creature, large gashes and dents left with each slash of an ax and hit of a wrecking ball. The smallest yellow one catches the girl as she falls from the creature’s grasp, running her to safety.

It’s great for a moment but soon the green one gets pulled in by his wreaking ball. Even as he pulls back, putting in all of his weight he can’t pull it out. Even as the first attempts to pull it back they still can’t. The sleekest golden-colored bot cuts the cable that connects them to the creature.

A dull pain shoots through your back as the two bots fall to the ground but quickly fades as they stand up.

“Nooo!” You jump as Simi shouts. The golden one getting sucked in while you had been distracted for a moment. “He was my favorite to…”

Each bot reacts, worry painted across their face as the yellow one enters back in. They continue fighting, a graceful jump made by one or an imposing slam made by another. Nothing seems to matter as each one takes a respective slam to the ground when they fail to avoid an attack.

“Shit!” You grip your shoulder as the tallest one takes another hard slam against the ground, the same spot taking the brought of the force. Tears well in your eyes as another bot cuts the limb, allowing them to stand. Still, you can feel an agonizing painful throb in your shoulder as they fight.

“You okay? Did you…?” Simi looks between the TV and you in confusion.

Each time he swings that ax you can feel it twinge, wincing at each attack.

“Are you feeling his pain?” Simi’s voice drips with concern as you curl down.

“Fuck, am I his soul mate? Can they even have soul mates?! They’re just robots right?”

“I… I don’t know?”

He’s pulling something out of nowhere again and giving it to the yellow bot. You aren’t even paying attention fully anymore. Instead, turning to look at your lap as questions flood your mind.

“You okay?” Simi carefully pokes your shoulder again, brows knitted and chocolate eyes full of worry.

“I’m just… confused I guess” You look at her for a moment, processing a little more. “I don’t know how much this will actually change but for now I guess I’ll just wait? If he really is my soul mate then I’ll see him again. Right?”

“Ya…” Simi slumps in her seat, almost dejected.

“Hey, I’m still me. This won’t change anything.” You do your best to give a reassuring smile. “I’m probably going to have an interesting while with a new robot boyfriend thing…”

You think for a moment and place your hands on your face, elbows on your knees as you hunch over and groan. “God, what has my life become…”