#...and if i didn't transition - if i were cis? those same transphobes would think of me just as poorly and they'd hate my body and my soul

[uncanny-tranny]

I just have to say that it's so weird reading how transphobes think of trans bodies as mutilated and gross when they never would have thought my body pre-transition was worthy. The "argument" of mutilated beauty that transphobes have tossed around is just a fear mongering tactic, because they don't tend to actually love or appreciate and see value in bodies that don't "neatly" fit into male and female, with no overlap and no nuances.

[velvetvexations]

Even putting aside what a ridiculous comparison that is, I need it understood that the primary way transradfems engage with "material reality" is through movies from the previous century.

It's hypervisibility vs. invisibility. Trans women were openly mocked and trans men were ignored or just subsumed into a range of experiences for cis women. That's changing now that trans men are getting more spotlight than they had before, although it's still tilted in those directions.

But there was genuinely nothing transphobic about Chihiro's story and to say there was you have to prove his model was trans women and transitioning children when there is an extremely well-established category of AMAB people who present as girls in Japanese culture that is infinitely more talked about in pop culture over there. You have to insist upon the fact that he was ever connected to people who sincerely identify as girls in the first place. If this was America, it'd make more sense, but it is actually just genuinely racist to be told all that and still be like "well, but it makes me think of trans women."

This is why transradfems hate me, too. A trans woman disagreeing with them breaks their rules.

Especially the person who cannot stop fucking bypassing my block to screenshot my blog and then justifying it by claiming I do it, even though I fucking deleted those posts after she complained and have not mentioned her a single time since unless she did first.

Here's the thing: I DON'T THINK NOT WANTING TO ASSOCIATE WITH AGAB LANGUAGE IS UNREASONABLE AT ALL! But it's fucking projecting as fuck to say that people who don't like TMA/TME language must simply want to cling to AGAB. I mean, holy fuck, right? That's not what's being argued dumbass - but she can't think of any other way to divide trans people based on AGAB without referencing it in some way, so her ideal replacement is TMA/TME, that's the two kinds of trans people that exist, you're not AMAB or AFAB you're TMA or TME, this is so fucking masks off it's wild that other transradfems aren't mortified by her saying the quiet part out loud. This should just completely obliterate every trace of protest when someone points out TME is in practice exclusively used to refer to AFAB trans people and no one else ever, unless what she's actually saying is that AFAB trans people are so close to cis women that they might as well just by default be called the same thing and have no other way of identifying themselves when you talk about categories of trans people and their experiences.

But it's so intensely psychologically revealing. I don't think she's ever been misgendered a single time in her life. I don't think she's ever had even the slightest actual barrier to hop in her quest to live as a woman, because this oversensitivity where someone acknowledging transphobes see us as our assigned sex counts as them misgendering you? That's just not the behavior of someone who actually deals with these things in the real world. Or even online. Again, I get pedojacketed and threatened with actual cancelation from my actual career because I engage with actual TERFs. These people never do anything but moan about tee-em-ees misgendering them by discussing how the enemy perceives us. And she in particular is the most desperate to shut that out, because that is the only reminder there could ever possibly be a hypothetical obstacle to her claiming her girl card. I have zero doubt she lives in the queerest city on the planet and if she didn't have internet she would literally be unable to even conceive of transphobia as a concept. And she fucking hates me for not just being a trans woman who agrees with the transandrobros, but also personally identifies with my AGAB. The implication that it's possible for a trans woman to be okay with the term "male" shatters her self-esteem. That is the extent of "misgendering" she has ever faced and ever will face. Me identifying the way I do terrifies her, I have to be objectively wrong about claiming identification with my AGAB because she copes with insecurity by imagining a world where TERFs are right but instead of biology everyone's soul is either Male and Female and you can only be one or the other. Gender can't just be people figuring out who they are and the ways they want to express themselves and live their lives, that's not real enough for her, she has to be Trve Fymyle the way TERFs go on about, except instead of centering around wombs it's this weird vaguely spiritual concept that she forces everyone else to fit into because if they don't it implies her framework isn't the tangible reality she so desperately needs to feel valid.

And that's why she "needs" TMA/TME, because she reasonably wants to talk about the experiences of people who share her category but doesn't want to identify as anything that references what those experiences fucking are (e.g. having been assigned male at birth). And again, that's FINE. I GET THAT. THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. I CAN SEE HOW THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. But that doesn't mean TMA/TME doesn't also have issues and I'm sorry if she's having a hard time coming up with something else because it's difficult to navigate the inherent paradox of wanting to associate with something that unfortunately makes her feel bad to associate with it, but she needs to pick something else, and not say "weh the TMEs are making us change our language" as though (a) transradfems aren't telling trans men what language they can use for themselves and (b) it's impossible to come up with terms that don't explicitly make claims about the experiences of others and 100% defines them by suffering less.

And isn't it strange how other transradfems are insisting they have to call themselves CAMAB and CAFAB, but THEY aren't clinging to AGAB language? Weird, right? I mean there is a group of people insistently arguing that it is simply paramount that we use AGAB language, but they're perisex trans women stealing it from intersex people so I guess it's fine?

But I don't CARE. I don't like her and I don't want to look at her stupid blog and I sure as fuck don't want to report on it. I just wish she'd stop talking about me. I literally just want her to stop block evading me and telling people my identity revolves around wanting to suck up to TERFs*. I do not talk about her except when she talks about me. AND I'M STILL NOT EVEN NAMING HER.

When she complained about me screenshotting her posts, I deleted them. They got zero notes. Her screenshots of me have hundreds and she keeps taking them because she's fucking obsessed because she can't feel like a girl if someone else identifies a little differently than she does. I don't even screenshot other people if they have me blocked but I see other people debating their takes, I make a post that references no one with unspecified prompting. And I've never done even done that with her, not only because she keeps baselessly accusing me of harassment, but because she infuriates me on a level where I just sincerely do not like seeing her fucking content in any way for any reason.

God I fucking hate radfems.

*which she happily admits to knowing is a lie but is like "yeah well I say she's mean so I'm going to keep deliberately fabricating falsehoods about her"

Thank you. <3

I have enlightened another soul!

If you asked these people, ten times out of ten they would say detransition and rape are the worst things that can possibly happen to someone and murder is no comparison, but they'll see trans men talking about their sexual abuse to be like "wow so lucky you guys just have to LARP The Handmaid's Tale, but we get KILLED."

And it's like. Okay. But fuck off, though? It's fine to personally see murder as worse and to grieve more over that, ig, it's like, whatever, but to openly state that it's a PRIVILEGE to be raped and detransitioned makes my brain melt. It's like they are physically incapable of not putting down other trans people. It is the one single area of activism they engage in. That is the war they are waging. They don't give a fuck about trans rights because they live in privileged areas with supportive families. Their battle is with the TME trans people on social media.

lolllll

"I hate how misogynistic Velvet is, she's everyone's cumrag"

^actual thing actually said and believed by the TMA/TME tankies

Before anyone accuses this anon of saying transradfems are engaging in male behavior or whatever, I'll note as I always have that they're just as sexually predatory and entitled to the bodies of others as TERFs are. That is the actual comparison being made. The worst trans women are identical to the worst cis women. Diversity win.

[redheadbigshoes]

I'm so done with being calm and respectful about my anger towards those who intrude on sexual boundaries.

Every time a man makes an advance when a woman says no, or that she is a lesbian and not interested, it is an attack on her agency, on the worth of her will, and many people will just say 'its weird' and try and shrug it off, but those were precursors to some of the harassment I experienced, to unwanted physical contact by a coworker in the office I used to work in, trying to erode my boundaries and self-respect.

After I publicly transitioned to a woman when I graduated and moved to a new city for my first job, I was able to come out publicly as a lesbian after having gone through literal comphet forced relationships with men in order to get a letter from my therapist for hormones. I was happy to finally be able to say who I really was, having to just hope that everyone would be nice and accepting of my gender and sexuality since working in an office means you have to be around people you dont choose every day.

I expected my main issue to be transphobia, but I didn't understand how well I passed after just 1.5 years on hrt while closeted, and I doubly didn't expect to get the attention of my male coworkers who kept on making unwanted advances over and over despite me getting upset, disgusted, and angry at them. I told them I was a lesbian and it only increased the degree of my harassment, they wanted to wear down my self-worth and knew noone else in the office felt like standing up for me. It got to the point where I had to file HR cases against two of them. Even when I broke the woman's dress code (yes there was a dress code mandating wearing skirts and dresses, Bank of America's IT department is fucking weird) and just wore concealing jackets and facemasks (this was before the pandemic) and baggy pants they kept pestering me until I got a doctor's note to work from home.

I know some of it was definitely because I'm a trans woman too, a vulnerable target, because few of my coworkers already bothered to talk to me, and when I went to HR and other company assets for help they never took my word above others. Trans Lesbians are more at risk of sexual abuse than most people because most people don't give a fuck about us or our safety.

I just get fucking incredibly upset every time I hear people pushing lesbian's boundaries to include men because that was the precursor to some of my abuse. So anyone who thinks lesbians are 'mean' for being fucking angry and upset when people push men on us can go fuck themselves, I could literally punch every man I see in the face and it wouldn't even be a fraction of recompense for what they did to me.

Just wanted to vent this after reading about a lesbian talking about how a trans man keeps flirting with her despite her saying no and it makes me want to rip something apart

-🌻

I am so sorry about what you had to deal with. I truly hope you’re safer now.

People don’t care about women’s safety in general, so when it comes to a trans lesbian it must be much much worse.

People who try to push cis and trans men in lesbianism are probably the same ones who say transphobic shit and who don’t care about SA.

[ventbloglite]

I think one of the biggest issues with modern transgender theory and thus the modern transgender community is this idea that each of us was 'always our real gender and thus saw the world from that point of view' which I'm sorry is just a load of self-validating crock.

As in, I think we're saying it in an attempt to not come across as transphobic but it directly ignores the lived experiences of 90% or more of trans people to date.

There was trans people who didn't realise they were trans until they were over 60 and there are trans kids who know they're trans and are only 5.

Can you really say that a trans woman, who lived 60 years fully perceiving herself to be a man as well as living as and being treated as one, doesn't know what it's like to be a man? Doesn't have a unique insight into what toxic masculinity, male social roles and potentially the effects of male privlege can have on a person? Not only this but would you seriously tear her apart if she said 'yeah actually I do see myself as having been a man up until this year, but that doesn't matter because now I'm 100% a woman, I just wasn't before now'? Is she not valid for that? Because I know plenty of older trans people who view this as their trans experience and they're completely correct if that's how it is for them, that's how it is.

For as many of us who feel we were 'always our gender' there are just as many who do see it as a change, a shift which happened to them after a life as our AGAB.

And really it doesn't matter which one is true. Trans people 'always having been their gender' or 'trans people becoming a different gender at certain times in their life' because at the end of the day we are what we say we are now and it doesn't negate the way others have treated us regardless of what was going on inside. Nor does it magically shield us from misogyny, toxic masculinity or people treating us with male privlege.

I think it's really ignorant to try and act like trans people are magically immune to things like toxic masculinity and misogyny. I think both binary trans men and binary trans women learn about these things in the exact same way as cis men and cis women.

The earlier you recognise your true gender, the more different your learning of these things will be. Sure, but what you learn and perceive and how other people treat you is still going to be different. If you look like a woman you will be treated as a woman.

A trans man that realises he's a boy at age 5 will learn about misogyny by and large because people will still be misogynistic towards him. Unless he is helped to transition early he will be treated as a girl and later a woman. This is not something he can escape, including if he transitions early and goes stealth but people know he's trans. Sure when he hears 'no girls allowed!' he won't believe that applies to him. When he hears 'girls suck at sports!' he won't believe that applies to him, but the older he gets without transition the more he will learn that those things and more misogyny is in fact being used against him because people see him as a woman. On that level at least he still understands what it is to be a woman in the world even if he doesn't understand what it feels like to actually identify as a woman/feel like a woman internally.

A trans man who has lived 40 years not only being perceived as a woman and treated like one but also believing he is one fully knows what it is like to be a woman. Heck, I'd even say that after 10 years, and especially if you believe you're a girl into puberty etc, you have a pretty good handle on what it's like to be a girl/woman again not just in how the world perceives people of this gender but in how it feels to be one (until you realised you weren't).

I think the whole issue here is the idea that people don't change, somehow.

'Do trans women view women the way men view women?' no they don't, because they are women, but many will remember how they used to think about women when they thought they were a man and how other men talked about women and about manhood and maybe you should listen to this trans women about the effects of toxic masculinity and how misogyny is reinforced in male friendships/spaces.

'Do trans men actually understand what it's like to be women or men for that matter?' of course they know what it's like to be men, they're men, but many will also remember what it was like to view the world through the lens of 'woman' or at least 'girl' and how they were treated so actually do have things that can be said about the misogyny they are still widely experiencing anyway due to 'you were born with a vagina so I can treat you like this' braindeadery.

And I say many because yes some of us transitioned early, or always felt 'off' as in not really our AGAB so learnt and perceived everything differently.

All trans experiences are different. But to somehow believe that no trans person knows what it's like to be their AGAB really ignores a lot of trans people. It's not validating, actually, it's ignorant.

It's trans double standards all over again. We are both incapable of understanding what it's like to be the gender we transitioned to because only those born into a gender can understand it regardless of how many years you've spent transitioned and completely unable to understand what it's like to be the gender we were assigned at birth and lived as for x number of years due to being trans.

Depends who you talk to and how it can be used to shut us down when we talk about our experiences.

And no shade to OP, I'm sure they were trying to be validating (unless some bs followed this), but it's not invalidating to acknowledge that trans men are well...trans*, and haven't always been their current gender (at least socially), so in fact do know what it's like to be something else either on a very deep or shallow level. It's just life. We shouldn't be ashamed of being trans and that means no shame if you really did believe you were cis and live as cis for any amount of time.

*ofc if he says he never was a woman and it makes him dysphoric to think of himself that way don't say it or insist upon it to that guy in particular.

i think im going to lose my fucking mind actually.

this little make believe game that yall are playing where ur all pretending that we have always been passing as cis men is honestly just really sickening to read. as if trans men have never been sexually harassed or abused because society perceives us as women. im genuinely of the opinion that u all just do not believe trans men face misogyny and thats so unbelievably fucked up and just not based in reality. its actually disgusting and vile.

[real-sun-wukong-fan01]

Wukong successfully gaslit the entirety of heaven into thinking he’s a cis man. “Didn’t you introduce yourself as a woman when you first-“

“No?? Obviously not?? What is with you??”

Wukong accidentally made everyone think he was a cis male and then he starts saying how he relates to women issues (physical ones) because he has them, because he never transitioned and never really had the idea of doing it. He has no gender or body dysphoria, especially because he's comfortable in his body and he has no real concept of gender. He knows he's a female, everyone just calls him a he and he genuinely dosen't care. He's male? Okay.

So, when he starts saying how he does relate to those specific women issues and sometimes talks specifically like a woman (those bits where man and woman can't comprehend each other, but wukong can exactly understand women, but can't understand men) everyone gets confused.

Because, weren't you a MALE monkey?

his case of trans (or well, genderfluid in my eyes) is really fun, because he isn't like the classic type of "i ain't a girl I'm MAN" no.

It's him. Not caring about human way of seeing gender. Being comfortable with his female body of a macaque. But he still calls himself a male because he likes it that way. (He doesn't like the idea of woman at the time jttw takes place at least, he's fine on being any kind of gender really. As long as you don't expect him to be something he isn't, he can be everything. Your mom, your dad, your uncle, a female, a male, non-binary. Anything he wants that day.)

But when heaven or the jttw do fits out, they need a minute to process, especially when it's very early in the time (around 1500, and people weren't so..fond of women being strong ect. Y'know, the stereotypes and patriarchy.)

Because, a FEMALE MONKEY DEFEATED HEAVEN?

A female is that strong? What?

Wukong must be joking.

I would say they would be rather transphobic or just straight up don't understand.

because i do know that they didn't care about lesbians or gays, they were fond of it, emperors used to have male lovers. Not only in china, but the Roman empire also had emperors who had male lovers as well, and so on. It was a common thing at the time.

But trans? Genderfluid? Anything that isn't in the binary?

Eh. I don't think so, i still need to research about it, but i doubt.

If they are fond of it, then the only problem would be the sexism.

If women couldn't even work, imagine how much of a shock it would be having a "woman" being such a strong demon. Y'know?

but again there's the Kingdom of women, and there's the king macaque (pretty sure it's QUEEN, king in Chinese is the same as queen) so i also wouldn't be surprised if jttw was okay with women being strong ect.

Silly thought.

[simptasia]

Hello! Im so sorry to bother but i just got back into Lost again and charlie has given me brainrot especially Trans Charlie and i was wondering if you had any specific hc or things like that? I really love Hurleys and Charlies friendship and i always feel when he finds out he's not only super supportive but also super chill

oh gosh! you're not a bother at all!

i do have specific trans charlie HCs and i never get to talk about this so thank you!

tw: references to trans/homo/biphobia both external and internal. and trans subject matters like transition, dysphoria, surgeries etc

there are many many words under here. so many :)

charlie realised he's trans when he was 5, that is to say, he realised he's a boy pretty much as soon as the concept of Boy could take root in his mind. picture 5 year old charlie walking into the kitchen and loudly announcing "i'm NOT a girl, i'm a BOY" to his parents and liam

the reaction is mostly amusement. liam laughs because he's 7. but yeah i do think his family assumed this was like, a tomboy phase that charlie would grow out of with time. but were still very cool with it. simon notes "i have two boys now ^_^", and megan offers to cut charlie's hair, which he happily accepts, he hated looking like a girl

over time it's clearly not a phase but the notion of charlie = boy, son, brother becomes second nature to the pace family. liam gets in the habit of calling charlie "baby brother" so he doesn't accidently call him his sister and that nickname sticks forever

so basically charlie's family is not transphobic. like i imagine the worse you'd get from these three is ignorant/well meaning comments. (and yes, simon was more bothered by charlie being a musician than him being trans. bless your strange heart, papa pace)

any bigotry charlie suffered in life, both from being trans and bi, was mainly from school and people he met outside of home (like, nasty groupies for example). i imagine he received slurs that typically apply to sapphic people. because his schoolmates assumed he was a butch lesbian. i can see charlie wishing they'd call him the right nasty words

charlie has a vicious combination of confidence and insecurity so theres bursts of "yeah i'm a bloke, i'm bi, what of it" and other times deep internal shame. and he's catholic too so that adds to the uh oh soup. i mention him being bi because i feel that adds to his guilt, like this notion of "even if i'd stayed a girl, i'd still be doing something wrong. i'd still be wrong"

and i think this shame and insecurity ties into his promiscuity, because he has this desperate need to be desired and validated. people wanting him, taking pleasure from him, gives charlie a sense of self worth. same with his need to be useful and have attention, etc, basically all that fucked up charlie jazz (...or punk rock, as it were)

ahem, heh, didn't mean to go down that road but writing meta about charlie is such an easy well for me to fall into. it's a rich tapestry

in regards to hurley. 2004 was a different time (gosh that feels weird to say) but i don't think its out of character to imagine hurley is cool with it. he doesn't fully, like, get it but he's like "that's great, dude" and that reaction is always a relief to get. hurley is the cis straight friend we all deserve. i think there are lost characters who would be weirded out by this or needed it explained to them but hurley is [thumbs up]

okay now an assortment of trans charlie headcanons/notes

teenaged charlie had the whole slouching in baggy shirts thing going on (making him look rather grunge). as soon as it was legal for him to get top surgery, he had it, he hated those things. so he had it done at 18, so by the time of LOST, twas 10 years ago and thus i imagine his scars are almost totally faded. you'd have to get real close and if you did you'd notice they're a tad janky because like, charlie was a poor street busker from manchester, he had to go for a really cheap option but hey it got the job done

he did try wearing a binder (i say binder, it was bandages) but he stopped because it was fucking up his ability to sing. it suits charlie that he'd put his musical ability over his physical well being. so most of the time that he had tits he made do with sports bras

side note: age 12 to 16 charlie was in The Worst Mood Ever. teen charlie makes adult charlie seem composed and rational. just a hormonal mess of anger, rebellion, poor posture, dysphoria, sexual discovery, messy greasy red streaked hair, FUCK THE SYSTEM THE WORLD ISN'T FAIR I HATE EVERYONE. with periods as a cherry on top. i just wanted to put the image of teen charlie in your head. i'm just being condescending for funsies, cuz pouty grumpy charlie is cute, but he really did have a lot to be upset about. teen years were rough for charlie, is what i'm saying, his main sources of joy being music, [redacted] and the few friends he had (liam and the other two members of driveshaft). oh and sweet food

but i digress

he has not had bottom surgery. if you asked him why he'd joke "what and give up multiple orgasms?" but the real reason is that charlie has very powerful drive to become a father one day and part of that desire includes with his own. body. so he's kept all the parts needed for that Just In Case. and yes, doing that would majorly trigger his dysphoria but people aren't always rational, charlie least of all. he's a barrel of conflicting emotions. he has good days and bad days in regards to his lower anatomy

charlie takes T patches. i chose these for practical reasons because he's on an island for 3 months. he wears them under his arm and claire assumes they're nicotine patches until she knows charlie is trans. he's wearing each patch for 3 days or more days instead of 1 day like he's supposed to, in order to make 'em last. charlie is clearly an already moody person, but man the concept that charlie is having hormonal issues too really adds to it

and thats something that i really love about my trans charlie headcanon is that i can think of so many canon things that make it make sense. like, the baby brother thing but also

physically: charlie is short, looks rather different to his brother (rounder face) and is hippier than the average cis man. and also charlie has a tendency to puff out his chest (going the opposite of his terrible slouch days cuz now he's titless babey). these are just aspects of dom that happen to work out well for this

story wise: in the show we only see charlie as a child and a grown adult, as such making it easy to fill in first puberty pre transition teenaged charlie off screen. he's possibly 18 in that desmond flashback so cutting it a tad close but i imagine he's had hormonal arrangements for himself since he was 16. and hormones really are fucking magic. also artistic licence, because at the end of the day i am still talking about somebody played a (presumably) cis guy actor

personality: well, besides the aforementioned hormonal mood swings. okay, the stuff i'm gonna say about charlie is not how i see all trans men. i just think being trans ties into certain aspects of charlie's manner. i mentioned before his desperate need for validation, to be useful, to be loved. charlie is really overcompensate-y, he's trying too hard All The Time, one could see that as him like overperforming masculinity. look, charlie has issues, and its clear as day he really really wants to slot himself into the role of husband, father, provider, protector. not inherently a bad thing and certainly not inherently a trans man thing buuut i think it fits. ties into the idea that most of his life charlie has felt the need to constantly prove himself, and that includes things like: a good musician, a good catholic, somebody who can take care of people he loves, being even worthy of love and. being a Real Man. all wrapped up in one confusing mess of a psyche

nah, i got more, still going. furthermore, i don't think charlie being trans is the only reason he's insecure (a rich tapestry) but what if one of many reasons charlie has his nasty jealousy issues with claire is that he thinks so little of himself that he's deeply afraid claire will leave him for a "Real Man". toxic masculinity hurts us all bro. and its not even like charlie is some kind of hypermasculine dudebro or anything like that (he wears nail polish and eyeliner for one thing. he's punk rock) but some odd harmful attitudes come out in subtler ways

to be clear i don't think charlie doubts he is a man but the human mind can be a total fucktruck and i'll say it again: charlie is insecure

anyways. charlie doesn't have a deadname, he was born charlie and he will die charlie. and another neat thing is that theres nothing in the show to suggest that charlie is a variation on charles. he is simply charlie. his middle name "hieronymus" was added by him though, obviously

he had a dildo/strap on packed with him but it was lost to sea during the crash. rip charlie's cock [plays off key flute version of my heart will go on]

he's not out to the wider public. basically in my version of ~canon~ the only people who know are his family, claire and uhh, well, the dozens upon dozens of people he's slept with (charlie's desire to keep this secret vs charlie's rampant desperate lust: the latter always wins). you would think rumours would spread and you're right! but charlie also spreads rumours, sneaky boy. yeah, i heard that the bass player of driveshaft has a big thick cock. a friend of a friend told me, trust me

basically trashy cringe inducing english tabloids have had some things to say about our dear charlie. which only serves to make the concept seem more unbelievable and silly to people. which, as backhanded as that sounds, works for charlie!

i realised i hadn't mentioned this yet: claire is very cool with this. charlie had never been so nervous to come out to somebody in all his life, because he loves claire so much, but once she understood what charlie was telling her (different time, claire didn't know that trans men existed), she rolled with situation. claire's a sweet girl, she's grown up uninformed about queer stuff (and she's bi but thought she was straight until kate) so i imagine her saying some not quite right things but she doesn't have a bigoted bone in her tiny body

and claire never betrays charlie's trust and keeps his secret forever (yeah at least 50 groupies know charlie's trans but thats not the point. it's the principle of the thing)

so yeah. there's defo more, if i like got into more specific scenarios, but thats the gist of what comes to mind and it was still quite a lot, so! thank you for your time

[e-the-village-cryptid]

Hi! I wanted to add an answer to your 'straight folks afraid to ask questions' post but I'm not out on any of my blogs so please excuse the long ask!

So I'm not straight but I felt kind of the same way when I first started searching info on transness and trans people. I'm not from any English speaking country, and where I come from, we weren't teached about labels or anything. For exemple, I knew that I ''wasn't interested in dating anyone'' but only learn the term 'asexual' (in english) when I was 23ish. A lot of the internet places I visit are in english, with a majority of the audience being from the USA. So a lot of usa/english queer terms are used, that are not present / translatable in my language. It's a first 'barrier' when it comes to asking questions, because sometimes it's not you being an ass, it's just that it is genuinely something you don't have the notion for (or a notion you never encounter before). So. Transness. I had a trans friend when I was 14yo, but never would have think of him as 'trans'; he was a guy, just in a 'girl' body, full stop. When I started asking myself questions about what FTM, MTF, trans men, trans women, gender dysphoria, etc meant (really basic questions) I couldn't ask him, because we hadn't been in touch for a while and it would have felt weird AF to contact him back with 'ulterior motives' (aka ask about transness). So I turn to tumblr, twt, and the answer was always the same: trans people shouldn't have to be your teachers, go do your research yourself. I was honestly a bit scared by the harsh words some of those posts/tweets had, but you know, it was fair. It's always weird to have random people ask you intimate things like that. So I tried to do my own research, on google, on blogs, etc. And in short, most of it were snippets of answers with the same conclusion ''But you should ask a trans person, they're the one concerned after all.'' At that point I was just lost. I *had* to ask trans people questions to understand them better (logical), but also asking them was kind of rude and tiresome for them because they just want to live their life in peace (also logical). I stopped looking for answers for a long time, because didn't wanted to bother people. I guess at that point I also started to develop a tiny transphobic reflexion, because I was frustrated by people demanding I knew everything about how to talk to trans folks but also not wanting to answer a single question and being ready to get mad at any mistake someone could make. (Fortunately, that phase didn't last long!) Finally at some point, I can't remember how but I came across youtube videos of trans creators talking about their journey, their transition and answering a lot of questions about transness, something that I was absolutely unaware existed. I was really uneasy at first, because I felt like I wasn't their demographic and shouldn't watch it (the idea that, despite being just watching a yt video, someone could call me out IRL for objectifying them, or looking at trans folks as ''curiosities'' when all I wanted was more infos to better understand) but I ended up discovering really nice creators, who gave a lot of informations and also covered fun other topics. That's how I still feel sometimes when I wonder things about other sexualities a/o genders, this idea that I'm just a really annoying tourist pointing at locals and going ''what is that?'' rudely. I am still incredibly uneasy at queer events (but that may be because I feel like I'm not queer enough for it, and people will be mad at me). But I'm getting better!! I guess the tl:dr of it is that people should do their own research on topics they want to understand better, but also the internet is incredibly effective at making you feel like shit for asking any question whatsoever, and it's something that affects you in real life too... Also, almost 5 years since I started asking myself questions about trans people and turns out I might not be cis myself ahah :,) That was a really long ask, sorry about that! Hope you have a nice day!!!!

Thank you for sharing your experiences with this! And yeah, like I understand not everyone has the energy to educate people and that's absolutely not something required of them, but I wish more in the community weren't needlessly angry or aggressive in their refusals to answer questions. And if a community member wants to help but doesn't want to answer questions, directing the asker to another resource is always a good middle ground, because as you said, "just google it" doesn't always turn up the best info. (lgbtqia wiki is one place I like to direct people for basic information and terms.) I'm glad you found those youtubers, youtubers are some of the sources I've found most helpful in learning about other parts of the community, too! (For people looking for such creators— try searching within youtube with keywords like "my trans journey" or "my bisexual life"— stuff that is likely to turn up individual creators talking about their experiences)

Also, you're absolutely "queer enough" for queer events— the people who try to exclude you are the ones who shouldn't be there, because they're actively harming the community. And good luck with the gender haha, have fun and explore! Thank you for the ask and I hope you have a lovely day!

[nervoustragedyluminary]

31 Nonbinary trans man They/Them pronouns only. Only started medical transition at like 27/28 wish I could've started earlier in hindsight but it's never too late. Adding some of my experience:

The things that made me realise I should stop putting off starting transition were :

imagining getting old as opposed to assuming I'd die young/of suicide and thinking about the kind of old person I wanted to be and how I'd feel comfortable in old age and that was a dudely person

( even though old women are awesome and badass and beautiful;not that anyone has to be attractive to have worth and even 'ugly' old people are fucking beautiful and worthful - I'm just saying I know some terf is going to read this and be like "internalised misogyny detected! you only transitioned because the patriarchy hates and devalues older women" no piss off also lol if you think older trans people have it any easier than older cis people - educate yourself asshats)

I realised that the idea of aging into an old lady was the reason I was having difficulty with seeing a future for myself and that it was the 'lady' part that was an issue not the 'old' part because I didn't feel the same discomfort when I imagined myself aging as a nonbinary dude & was overall excited to reach 30

Another thing was realising that if I didn't like T or the effects or changed my mind or realised I'd been mistaken that I could stop taking it and that would be fine and not the end of the world due to listening to detransitioners and retransitioners who weren't transphobic & also to trans women and trans people who'd gone through T puberty and had that hormone making changes to their bodies for yonks but were still women nonbinary etc and the sky didn't fall

- there is a reason terfs and transphobes who don't want trans people to transition only focus on and platform the small pool of detransitioners who are mired in self hatred and talk about themselves as 'ruined beauties/ lost fertility who are worthless to the patriarchy and thus miserable now' - it's to fear monger "you can never go back to being a woman if you realise you're wrong after a single drop of T you're poisoned you'll be forever dEsTrOyEd and marked and miserable so don't even try to transition medically in the first place "

Because once I realised that was complete fear mongering BS I felt less scared of starting T and then when the sky didn't fall and I was actually HAPPIER and more chill (still never experienced the so called T rage and I'm starting to think it's mostly about the same amount of BS as 'hysteria' is Tbh) I was like "Oh, dang why did I wait so long hoping my dysphoria would go away 🤦this is actually helping it holy shit"

Before any medical transition changing my name and pronouns helped SO much, as did doing mascara mustaches and sideburns and cutting my hair short and binding heck I even realised Id worn satin boxers years ago before I even realised what trans was or that I could be trans before feeling embarrassed and stopping,

I wore the uniform pants at school and had short hair then I tried to overcompensate by doing (in hindsight very drag like) makeup and growing out pigtails and then I'd get sick of it and cut my hair again then feel bad because I was told I was "making yourself unattractive" - just oof

I swung back and forth like that for a while I got really into funky earrings and shaved my head and wore dresses and skirts or jeans and button ups and tank tops - I was trying so hard to figure out what kind of woman I was (tomboy, butch femme futch, goth, punk, hipster, hippie etc etc-it always cracks me up people saying transness is a replacement for counterculture fashions because trying them and flitting between the styles was in hindsight a way I repressed my transness/ I was trying to find anywhere else that I could fit and not have to admit to myself what was really going on was gender dysphoria - also there are trans ppl in all those 'subcultures' lol we've always been wherever people are because we are people too) and never quite feeling comfortable and I finally realised that I'm just not a woman, I'm not a binary man either though I do feel more comfortable aligning with transmasc these days. It didn't make me unlovable or a pariah - I did lose some shitty people Ngl but I'm better off and happier without them and I wouldn't trade who I am for the fake love of what felt like a cage I was trapped in

but yeah it's been a wild journey and idk maybe reading this will help someone on their own journey to realise it's not all the neat and tidy just so narratives the cis media gives you ecspecilly if you grew up when transness wasn't really talked about. It's your body not your parents' or your partners' or society's it's Your life to live and your decisions to make

Also TBC not medically transitioning/ having a "non normative" transition doesn't make you 'less trans'or whatever either truscum can fuck off, as I said its YOUR body not anyone else's

i feel like there’s a very skewed perception of trans men or transmascs being only teenagers who i guess magically grow out of being trans??? so if you’re over idk lets say 21, and youre a trans man/trans masc person, can you please reblog this and drop your age in the tags?

i’ll start- im 27

[madohomurat]

saying to a friend in a private email "women would like me more if i were born a woman" is not "admitting you only transitioned to get with lesbians." the fact that you say nothing about any of the actually bad things chris chan but did retweet from openly transphobic cis people spreading the lie that she admitted to not really being trans makes it clear what you really care about. You dont want to help her mother see justice, you want to not feel bad about treating other people's lives as reality tv. you dont "envy" people who dont know about chris chan because you had to go out of your way find out about her. no one forced you onto kiwifarms and made you read that shit. The kind of stalking that happened to chris chan happens constantly, and results in far more rape and assault than she is responsible for. her being a bad person doesnt justify any of that. the people who stalked her will continue to stalk countless others the same way, and people like you will feign disgust while eating it up

anon, in all honesty 99% of what i know about chris-chan is word of mouth from friends among other things. i actually dont know what kiwifarms is ive never been there. i genuinely do wish i didnt know anything about chris-chan. i havent been following the case either, i just saw the trending tag on twitter.

i didn't actually know i had retweeted from someone openly transphobic, either, and i apologize for that. i suppose i take peoples word for it solely because im not comfortable going out of my way to research her life even further because again i wish i didnt know anything about it in the first place.

but i can reason that even commenting about it as well as retweeting stuff spreading information that ive never bothered to verify the validity of isnt great of me or anyone else for that matter. i think i will go back and delete them from my twitter at least. i dont know who you are, anon, but im sorry if ive made you feel unsafe for those tweets. if you are someone i know, like a mutual or something, you can talk to me personally also, i dont want you to feel like this is something you have to say to me via anonymous ask. though i also understand if youre upset enough about this that you dont want to talk to me at all.

but i promise you im a very genuine person and you can talk to me about this more one to one, since i really dont know if this answer to your ask will provide you with any clarity or comfort regarding this. im sorry about this.

[brettdoesdiscourse]

Gatekeeping the trans community is literally transphobes rhetoric. And let me explain why.

Trans people said, "Can we have our identities respected, at least, even if you don't understand them?"

To which transphobes replied, "but not ALL identities should be respected, right?"

And trans people looked at communities with identities they didn't understand and said, "yeah I guess so."

But those communities and identities not being respected is just a foot in the door.

Furries and otherkin were just the beginning, transage followed because duh, of course we shouldn't respect those people. They're just mocking us, right?

But it progressed because transphobes didn't ever really intend to respect identities.

Drag queens were demonized because their identities were just mocking cis women. Then nonbinary people because they're not even trans, right? Why should they be respected?

And a lot of trans people said, "well yeah but those people aren't trans anyway." But now, we're at the age of "the right kind of trans people."

People were quicker to respect Blaire White. She was "the right kind of trans person." She looked the way transphobes thought she should while still clearly presenting her status as TRANS. As OTHER. She'd gone through the right surgeries and felt the right amount of dysphoria. And wasn't afraid to mock herself, she didn't mind being called tranny or biological male because that's what she was. (Her words, not mine.) She acted and thought they way they thought she should. Conservative, willing to tell other trans people they weren't the right kind, even willing to call other people the t slur.

Then you have the wrong kind of trans people. The ones with weird pronouns who don't look the right way, who maybe don't want to pass the same way as others do. The ones with identities people don't understand. The ones who don't experience the right amount of dysphoria about the right things.

So, now we can add plenty of binary people to the list of identities that don't need to be respected. Feminine trans men, ones who can't/don't want to transition or pass in the right way. Masculine trans women, ones who can't/don't want to transition or pass in the right way.

People who don't use the pronouns we think they should, those who identify as men and use anything other than he/him. People who identity as women, using anything other than she/her. And nonbinary people using any pronoun other than they/them.

Because when we asked for our identities and rights to be respected, we agreed to put an asterisk next to that agreement. Thinking that it would never affect us anyway. And some people do genuinely feel that way, and think as long as they're not affected, nobody else matters. But it does matter.

Because as long as trans people exist comfortably, we will never be the right kind of trans people for transphobes. People making us look bad isn't the reason for the transphobes existing. They hate trans people. Period. Of any kind.

They may be able to tolerate some of us more than others. But once they're fully "appeased", they'll just move on to more stipulations of why more trans people shouldn't be respected. Until there's none of us left.

Transphobes will never be happy until trans people are either dead or back in the closet.

[scarecoen]

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[yharnamsnewslug]

I've lost countless friends.

When I came out, everyone was extremely happy for me, and supportive. It felt like I couldn't encounter anything bad with my friends backing me up. A friend of mine, we'll call him A, began his transition a year before me - almost exactly a year before me! It made me envious and I kept it inside, thinking I'd never get to medically transition, but he stood beside me and helped me out, helped me reach my goal. I felt incredible, when I got that first shot. I cried a bunch, and felt so elated that I actually threw a party.

It made me sad when....a lot of my friends didn't show up? A lot were saying things like "sorry, I'm busy" which was understandable, but I later saw a lot of them had an Instagram story about being at home bored that night. Some of them were telling to truth, but... a lot weren't. All my trans friends did show up, and we're the loudest and happiest. They still are - even my best friend, a trans woman, whose hands shake like mine did whenever A talked about medical transition. I've vowed to help her to the very end to achieve medical transition as soon as she gets a job.

As I began to get further along into transition, I felt incredibly relieved in looking at my body - I could see A's timeline and feel mine moving along that line. With less of a beard, with more body hair, but still the same. It made me start to look up to him as a goal, a realistic one that didn't mean cis men or fictional men hand-picked to be incredibly attractive.

But the more masc I got, the more comfortable I was with my deeper voice, my shitty beard and my thicker shoulders, the more some of those friends began to pull away from me.

I remember specifically a friend of mine from High School who was dating A at the time. She'd fallen into the radfem route of "wlw relationships are more pure" and "I'm a twit star who constantly talks about LGBT+ issues and berates other cis people about how trans exclusive they are". And it felt.... like a fucking crack in my heart when she gave A the ultimatum of "either we go open relationship (she called it polyamory, but in the past and until a few months ago she'd been ADAMANT that she never could be polyamorous) or we break up". And like, A didn't want to break up, he loved her, and he also wasn't polyamorous and couldn't do an open relationship so he said 'hey, if you're really that tied down and don't want to do this, let's break up.'

She went ballistic on him. Called everyone that was mutual friends with the both of them to say that HE broke up with her and get this.....because of toxic masculinity. She said he had a fragile masculinity and that he couldn't stand that he had turned from a nice butch girl into a raging mid boyfriend.

She said this to me. To me. Face-to-face.

I remember just sputtering out that she was a raging fucking transphobe and never to call me again. She grabbed my arm, tried to explain that I didn't understand "the kind of guy he'd turned into since he took testosterone" but I remember like, in the middle of the fucking street just wanting to spit at her.

A is autistic, sweet, mild-mannered and since he took T, he's never had anger issues again. And she knew that, because she'd been dating him since before he even knew he was trans. I knew that. We all fucking did. He was doing amazing.

I realized she was the one who had been telling him that he was awful in that moment. He'd been so fucking sad in the last months and I was just looking at her and at her twitter-rotted fucking brain and I told her plainly and clearly, "I hope no trans man ever comes near your misery-loving fucking ass."

She won't talk to me anymore. And no matter how much I or A try to explain things, most of the cis women who were friends with us and also that girl would believe us, even though we have proof of texts and texts and texts and even her own Twitter. She lied, she painted him as some roid-rage monster pumped up on testosterone and she still fucking won.

Because people already think of us trans men like this.

She lied about me punching her, too. I've a history of punching people (Nazis, mainly, and bigots in high school), that one is easy to believe. But also nobody asked me my side, they just believed everything she said. I had to leave Twitter when a bunch of cis lesbians began to harass me over there due to what SHE said. And they were all cis lesbians whom, I later found out, convinced her (bisexual) that she could only be a Real Feminist if she didn't date men anymore.

I lost a lot of friends over taking testosterone. A lot. But that one always hurts the most.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from trans men and trans mascs how the system of [whatever the fuck you call the intersection of transphobia, misogyny, and specifically your gender- whether transandrophobia, isomisogny, antitransmasculinity, transandromisia, transmisandry, or any that I have missed as there are a lot of words to describe similar concepts] uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all non-trans-mascs to not speak on this topic and let trans mascs and trans men do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as trans men and/or trans mascs are encouraged to participate.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

[taegularities]

Okay so real talk, I'm personally cis gendered but my partner is non-binary and my bestfriend is transgender so as much as I can't weigh my full opinion on the subject I can explain it from how they have explained it to me (and obviously it's different for different people)

Myself and my bestfriend grew up on Harry Potter, we were 6 when the first movie came out and we saw each of them in the cinema. This was before they transitioned and before I knew I was Queer.

Harry Potter let us feel like we could express who we were, it made us feel accepted as who we were no matter what and then when I got with my partner who as I mentioned is non-binary they felt the same way. Its one of the ways we bonded.

We would have HP night, went to the London tour so on so on.

The she who must not be named acted the way she did and it damped everything for us, something we once celebrated and used to feel free about who we were was tainted (more so for them of course) but my bestfriend decided she would not allow JKR to ruin our freedom, in fact she says she hopes that being a fan of the story and books haunts JKR to her very soul and both my partner and friend took the same stance.

They and decided HP was a treasured story that has no auther, they would keep the love they have and the freedom they felt within the world and not let her destroy another thing for those who weren't CIS.

I'm not saying everybody feels this way, but to say people who found comfort in HP are immediately transphobes is ridiculous. SO fucking ridiculous.

Obviously we know this, we know the anon is out of line and just dumb af but I know people can be easily persuaded to think certain ways when somebody sounds 'confident' and sadly anons suffer a hideous issue called dickheadisum and confidence is usually a symptom.

I adore HP fics because I find true solace in them, a long with a long line of my LGBTQ+ friends and family 🤍

She who must not be named is nothing but a huge pile of shit who is no longer part of my escapism like she used to be and that's just that.

Please never give up on things that bring you joy 💙

ahhh, okay, i actually kept myself at bay, but now i'm crying lmao :') no bad tears, i'm just so happy you sent this, so so so damn thankful that you took your time to say all that.

yeah HP used to be just that for me too. comfort and home and happiness on bad days. the thing that happened with her was horrible, but i just... idk learned to separate these two things since the story was already written and a fandom that i loved. i didn't want to ruin it for myself, but in no way or shape did i continue supporting her or whatever she does now.

i don't even think about her when writing these fics, in all honesty. i hate what she said or did, but never do i think that i'm writing it bcos i want attention or bcos i want to be a transphobe. i mean i have a lot of other wips, it's not about that, it's just about... writing?

so yeah... your words brought great comfort honestly, thank you and i love you so much <3

[lesakuraciel]

trans ask game!

original by @solareclipselgbt

1.) what’s your gender and pronouns?

nb and they/them!

2.) what does your name mean (either literally, or to you personally)

i don't feel a particular connection to my birth name, though it is based off anna karenina (it's anna corinne), but i've been toying w the idea of going by ashe... obv it's based on the tree but to me it means walking through a dappled forest near the end of winter, timeless and strange and perfect

3.) when and how did you realize you were trans?

not entirely sure, def after i figured out i wasn't straight(which was aug. 2016), but as far as accepting my place under the /trans/ flag (i knew i was nb, but was still hesitant bc of the people against enbys iding as trans), that didn't happen until like. end of last year,

4.) what was the most helpful in figuring out and accepting yourself as trans?

my trans friends definitely!! and also doing a report on enbys in the trans community, and subsequently finding what, the white stripe means, i still have trouble asking people who already know me to use they/them though,, (i still say she/her is fine even though it's kinda not)

5.) have you or do you plan on medically transitioning?

i do plan to get top surgery! and soon, hopefully!!! other than that, i eventually want a hysterectomy, but no hrt

6.) what’s something you’re most looking forward to in your transition (or something that was your favorite part of transitioning)?

no! boobs! i hate them!! and not having to wear extra layers (read: binder) in summerr

7.) do you have dyed hair?

sjsjsnd yea it's dark blue right now don't think /that's/ natural lmao i even have The Haircut (tm)

8.) who was the first person you came out to (or plan to come out to)?

i'm pretty sure it was my good friend henry!! i mean, he also basically told me i wasn't straight cause i wouldn't admit it :'>

9.) what’s your favorite season?

fall!! so many pretty colors and finally, appropiate weather for the jackets i wear year-round,

10.) have you ever been to pride?

yep! i went to pride for the first time in tacoma last year!! (plan to go to the seattle one this year)

11.) if you’re on hrt, what changes suprised you the most?

not on hrt!

12.) what gives you the most gender euphoria?

oh being called "sir" definitely, and a xloae second is when strangers use they/them to refer to me!

13.) do you have a specific piece of clothing thats especially gender affirming to you?

hmm i mean my binder obv but other than that, certain shirts when i bind? idk they just Do(tm)

14.) what’s your favorite trans joke or meme?

friend who is very comfortable in their identity: talks abt someone not realizing and being transphobic around them/other people not knowing how trans things work/etc.

(sarcasm) wow i can't believe you're really a cishet

15.) if you’ve had any gender affirming surgeries, how was your experience? what are the biggest positive effects?

not had surgery yet, but kaiser permanante has been great so far in working w me !!!

16.) do you have any piercings?

haha just one in each ear, and i basically never use those

17.) who’s your favorite trans character? or do you have any characters you headcanon as trans?

we stan lup from taz in this house

other than that, i hc a lot of characters as trans! e.x. bakugo, todoroki, and kirishima (bnha), snufkin (moomins), indrid and angus (taz), and like, a lot more,,

18.) what do you wish other people understood better about being trans?

just. it's okay to ask pronouns. god

better to ask than to assume

also use context clues, jesus (like if someone isn't out, they may switch to a diff name for some people. never use it unless they ask you to)

19.) top 5 fav songs?

bohemian rhapsody - queen

oi - carbon leaf

light in the hallway - ptx

ocean city - anthony ramos (this isn't anywhere but soundcloud but it's So Good???? go listen)

wait for it - hamilton soundtrack

20.) what advice would you give your younger self?

you can be more assertive about being trans, most people are good abt it and those who aren't can learn or fuck right off

21.) do you have any pets?

yep! my baby, friend

and my doggo, kody!

22.) do you find yourself fitting into gender roles, or consider yourself gender non-conforming?

def gnc!! i like to be androgynous, whixh usually means wearing masc clothes bc i still present fem, somehow,

23.) are you part of your schools gsa or any lgbt organizations?

nope! i prefer to make friends by just chatting, and they usually end up being non-cishwt anyhow lmao

24.) any trans role models?

not really tbh, i see a lot of people that i want to emulate, but i can't think of any in particular atm.

now that i think abt it though, my friend henry has been a sort of guiding light in figuring out, accepting, and then loudly proclaiming my identity, bc i've def come a long way since sophomore year! (if you're reading this, thank u henry)

25.) did you go through multiple gender identities before figuring out your gender now?

yep! i id'ed as genderflux very shortly, then demigirl for a long time, and finally nb/genderqueer!

26.) what makes you most proud to be part of the trans community?

it's so positive and uplifting!! i love that people are just, kind to others that's v nice

27.) favorite movie growing up?

princess bride was and is my favorite movie, but mulan was my fav disney movie and well, if that was someone's fav movie and they ended up cishet? i'd be surprised

28.) if you went by multiple names before deciding your current name, which was the first?

n/a

29.) do you have any pride merch or pride related tattoos?

i have a rainbow flag (handheld) on my bookshelf, and a genderqueer one behind my bed (big)! i also have a trans flag shawl that i made, pan flag converse, several pride shirts, and a pride hat! i'm not shy about letting everyone know i'm neither straight nor cis lmao

30.) if you experience dysphoria, what do you find helps you the most?

binding definitely helps! i get mild dysphoria wearing anything other than a binder or sports bra, and also on my period :/

31.) do you have any siblings, friends, or family who are also trans?

@dorkryptos is my friend and so is henry!! none of my family is though ):

32.) which gender roles or cis beliefs do you find most ridiculous?

nail polish is feminine?? deodorant and razors are gendered???? flowy things are feminine????? guys can't have style beyond Tux(tm)????????????????? fuck all that noise

35.) if cis people didn’t exist for a day, what would you do?

33.) how did you decide on your current name?

go out and make some new friends! ^^

34.) do you fit any trans stereotypes?

i have dyed hair and That haircut, i'm fairly short and afab, i mostly wear ""masc"" clothes, i'm in high school, etc. etc.

ahah, i didn't? but w ashe i wanted smthn with the same initial, old-timey, and connected to nature

only like, every single trans nb stereotype,

[crazyalien87]

huh, i guess there is literally no reason in debating with you due to an inherent difference in belief. (sorry if the bold seems threatening, i'm just trying to emphasize it because that is the main point of this ask, even as i fruitlessly try to debate you for the rest of it.) but seriously, you can't always tell a trans woman from a masculine cis woman, and attempts to actively remove trans women from the community will result in masculine cis women also being harmed. though you don't exactly make trans women feel welcome in the first place, so i guess it isn't THAT big of an issue, now that i think about it, as long as your community stays small; you've got me there. the right to abortion doesn't affect all cis women anyway, so i don't see why excluding trans women is necessary on that account. and i'd be happy to call you a gcrf (GeCRaF?) because it's funny-sounding and more accurate, even if your view on gender is transphobic to the vast majority of trans people and i'm sure most trans men would wish you were a terf. the lack of respect you have for... well, 90+% of society is staggering. you understand that plenty of people like and enjoy having a gender and having that gender respected, and you simply don't care? i don't understand how you can be willing to have a belief that treats so many people with such disrespect.

"you can't always tell a trans woman from a masculine cis woman". Masculine female people are not male people. Yes, some trans women pass as female. I am not advocating for forcefully removing them from bathrooms or something. I don't mind passing trans women in women's bathroom as long as they have good intentions (i.e. they just need to piss & shit like everyone else). I would enforce a female-only policy in other places as that is more enforcable. When someone has to pee, they just gotta go and there is no time to check if they are really female. People need to pee like several times a day anyway. However, I don't see how a trans women could possibly need to be in female-only spaces otherwise in daily life. She can get changed in a bathroom instead of a locker room at the gym. She doesn't need to be on female-only sports teams, etc. Many places have been female-only for a long time. It is not fair to say that female people have to allow males into our spaces just because those males chose to transition (although for some, the dysphoria is so bad that it is not much of a chouce). We didn't chose to be female, & it is not our responbility to cater to male people who chose to look like us. That is very sexist to say that we have to cater to male people. I made an exception for bathrooms because most places only have male & female bathrooms and no unisex ones.

The right to abortion only affects female people, as we are the only ones who can get pregnant. Yes, some of us are infertile & some fertile ones will not get pregnant. However, abortion rights getting taken away is a subset of female people's rigbts getting taken away. It happens mainly due to sexist people who think female people do not deserve the right to body autonomy. Many sexists see female people only as servants for male people, including incubators for the next generation, instead of people. Why would including male people in this issue make sense? Trans women cannot get pregnant because they are male.

"plenty of people like and enjoy having a gender and having that gender respected," no, they don't. A female person saying "I am female, therefore I am a woman (adult female human)," is not "[enjoying] having a gender and having that gender respected." It is simply a statement of biological reality and of the commonly used definition of woman. If anything, some people want their sex respected. Sex is different from gender. Same as "I am male, therefore I am a man (adult male human)." That is just a man stating that he is male (biological reality), and thus a man (according to how english speakers usually use the word man).

Ironic, as you are the one here with disrespectful beliefs. You keep insinuating that masculine female people look the same as male people. You keep saying that us female people have to bend to the demands of male people because sexists like you cannnot tell them apart from masculine female people. You keep assuming that 90+% percent of society has a gender identity. I thought most trans people hate assuming people's gender identities? Why are you being a hypocrite? Do you only respect gender identity when it is beneficial to you?

[gabesapwhoreta]

storytime

The first and only time I've been out during my stay in a mental hospital, there was a transgirl on the same unit as me. One day we were all having lunch in the main room, and a discussion got started up about transitioning, mostly me and her comparing mtf vs ftm transitioning and what it was like/the research we'd done on it. Naturally the other kids were curious about it, so we had like, a big discussion, just sort of answering every question they had about being trans- like, how pronoun preferences work, what's polite, and some of the less talked about stuff too, like what surgery is like and why dysphoria/wanting a full physical transition isn't across the board for every trans person. Neither of us minded at all since we were already talking about it, and since obviously they were just curious and seemed really scared of accidentally being rude.

But like, towards the end of the conversation, this girl says something that makes me wanna tear up- she's just like "You know, I used to disagree with people wanting to be called pronouns and names and stuff before they got surgery, but you guys completely changed my mind. Like, you're both completely the gender you say you are, anyone who talked to you would see that, it doesn't matter whether you've had surgery, you guys are both so sweet and awesome."

And like, it kind of made an impression on me, like- I changed someone's mind. Just by talking to her and letting her know me. It kinda blew my mind to think about how many other people are like that- people who seem transphobic and 'respectfully disagree' or whatever they say they're doing with our 'life choices', meanwhile they just grew up only surrounded by people and media that was telling them completely reversed facts. It's like those dumb videos you see on YouTube titled "Gay People Hug Homophobes" or whatever, and the videos end with the person saying something like "I didn't think gay people acted like you," and you almost want to cry because, what did you think we act like?

Impressions are so important, especially when the person you're talking to isn't particularly exposed to many viewpoints. I remember talking to my grandmother once, and she was talking about why she didn't believe in interracial relationships, or something insane like that, and she explains why- "I had a friend, he was black, and he used to tell me not to trust black guys who wanted to date me, because he'd never choose a white girl over a black girl, because they're sexier." Obviously the dude was joking to a degree, but she took it totally verbatim.

Anyway, that's why I answer questions way more personal than most trans people are willing to answer, provided the asker is just curious and not trying to be rude or something- I feel like there's a big trend in this community to hate straight and cis people, and yeah, it's hilarious and therapeutic to make jokes on tumblr, but sometimes impressions can change a person's entire perspective. Yes, I get it, it's not our responsibility to educate people, it's theirs to seek the information out- but that's not how to actually change anything. When people come on tumblr asking critical questions about being trans, most of the time, they're trying to seek that information out- but the response they get is just people yelling at them for their bad phrasing and overly formal nerdbro-associated typing style borrowed from reddit, and two months later they're an anti-sjw blog, because the conclusion they drew is that we're aggressive and entitled, since they had no fucking clue why anyone was yelling at them when they didn't know.

What I'm saying is we need to start differentiating between ignorance and people genuinely being rude on purpose. Privacy invading questions suck, but it's possible to gently tell someone why they suck, and giving them the benefit of the doubt, instead of just yelling at them. I feel like tumblr culture has a big tendency to fuck that up.

Yes, it's exhausting that we have to explain ourselves to every single person, and yeah, it's super fucking unfair. But no one is going to listen to us when we're insulting them.