#........fuck I'm not even sure why tf I'm posting this. I'm so fucking angry. This shit all the time...

[considerad]

alright jesus christ, I'm making another "if shit goes down" post:

If something kicks off in *ran, which I cannot stress enough IS CURRENTLY AT PEACE (the rest of my family is taking their afternoon siesta as I write this and I've got my shower stuff set out for later; things are quiet af except for the birds and the occasional bad driver revving an engine), they will cut off the internet inside *ran before they do anything else. They want to control the narrative and make sure we don't get out our pleas for help/information on what'll be happening here.

I've already seen a post on here where people are cheering for "*ran" because they helped H*zbollah hit an *sraeli target... guys, that's not *ran. That's the I R G C, an extremist terrorist organisation that controls *ran's resources (incidentally, just like H*zbollah controls L*banon!). The *ranian people are being held hostage as a nation by the *RGC. We aren't them and they most certainly are not *ranians. Don't get it twisted. The *RGC is trying to kick off a direct war after a long while of fighting their proxy wars through Palestine and S*ria... and I don't know why the fuck it's happening now.

I'm in the middle of a programming course and I'm scrambling to do my homework for the next two weeks before the internet goes. I'm going to pack survival backpacks for my family tonight; water, money, id, antiseptic cream... and you know what's driving me up the fucking wall about all this? It's that all this is happening after vacuuming the whole fucking house for *ranian New Years, tidying all the fronds on the rugs with a comb until they all ran parallel, scrubbing hard water stains off the taps and the house plant leaves until they gleamed, making up a whole new blossom-print duvet-pillowcase set for the beds, buying pretty Soviet-print antique enamelware and ceramic water jugs for extra-cool water this summer...

I don't want to flee my own fucking house, so painstakingly cleaned and pretty and so recently full of guests for the New Year, to go where? Turkey? Armenia? And what the fuck for? Because the donkey testicles who've taken charge here don't care if we live or die?

Post from: Sat 13 April 2024

Note: I censor *ran and other nouns that are in the news rn because I'm at risk of being found here through keyword searches, account tracing, etc. They might still find me this way, but I don't want to make it that easy. If you see anyone openly heehawing about the *RGC or H*zbollah in my replies/reblogs, they've found this post despite my efforts.

If you interact with the post, however, PLEASE use the uncensored nouns in your tags/replies.

[wifeyoozi]

svt reaction about their gf receiving tons of love confessions

ot13 seventeen : their partner recieving love confessions

seungcheol : sulky af. Why are other people even looking in your direction? Why is anyone except him even in 10 feet radius of you? Why do they not know you are his girlfriend? Are they tryna separate you? He's pouting so much it's almost hilarious to you as you explain to him that you would reject any confessions since you already have your one true love.

Jeonghan : honestly he's so proud about it. So damn cheeky. "Oh they like you? If course, my girlfriend is the prettiest. But I'm the one who hit the jackpot."

Joshua : he's not really bothered about it as long as you are not bothered. But when they start to get a little extensive or make your uncomfortable or get creepy, he may get a little worked up about it.

Jun : pouty 2.0 . Literally hiding you everytime he sees another man so much as glance at you. Would answer for any confessions you get. Literally 2 minutes away from hiding you in a little velvet box in his room so no one but him can see you again hehe <3

Hoshi : he's tryna put on the pretense that he doesn't care but internally possessive asf. Clinges to you in public more so everyone can see who's girlfriend you are. Will comment under every Instagram post of yours like "loml" "only my girl" "my girlfriend <33" etc

Wonwoo : as long as you don't react to the letters and confessions, he doesn't mind. You're beautiful enough to have people simp on you. He did too once. He might go for some kinda excuse sex to "show who's girl you are" tho he trusts you know that anyways.

Woozi : you getting confessions isn't really surprising to him but so many??? Pissed off by people who'd dare to confess to you even when it's so visible that he's the one dating you. Can see him glaring at any guy who's looking at you when you're together. Internally just 😡😡😡 about anyone looking at you in the way only he has the right to.

Seokmin : doesn't really care. If anything, he's written at least 50% of the confession letter you find on your office bench. 6 years in your dating. He trusts you not to betray him. If he sees the confession gifts or letters before you, he'll hide them or discard them himself.

Mingyu : pouty and smug simultaneously. So proud that he's got such a perfect girlfriend and everyone can see it to. But who tf would actually ball to confess? When you have a boyfriend? And that boyfriend is mingyu? And when mingyu loves you so much? They can see the door.

Minghao : pouty and sassy. "Oh you're getting confessions? Then go date those other bous. You probably forgot your boyfriend among the confessions. Hmph." Ofc he doesnt mean any of that. He knows you'll giggle and come kissing him and knows you aren't gonna actually leave him.

Seungkwan : I can hear his pouty voice. Yk that one douying video where the gf mimiks annoyingly when her bf gets complimented by other girl? That's how seungkwan treats you. You won't get a break and it's honestly hilarious to see him so worked up as if any of the other guys have a chance against your boobs in your heart

Vernon : unphased af. Idk why this man doesn't give a fuck. It's not like you're accepting any confessions what's he got to worry about. Only if someone is being too forceful or making you uncomfortable, he makes move to push them off himself make sure no one bugs you again

Chan : lowkey jealous. How come you are getting confessions but not him?? Prolly would like show off of he got any gifts or confessions himself. I am sorry he's just built like that. He's just a needy baby, wants to make you jealous so you make angry love with him 🫶🏻

[batsplat]

I’m not sure if this is something you’ve ever done so if your answer is “lol no” totally fine!! But I was wondering if you’d be willing to do a kind of race breakdown of Laguna seca ‘08? Or maybe just of the key moments? I watched it and a) fucking loved it. Truly incredible. 24 laps of these guys within a second of each other like HOW???? Can’t believe that actually happened this sport is so insane. But b) I think maybe I just don’t know enough abt motogp yet but I don’t understand why Casey was sooo angry with Vale after? I get the 4th lap corkscrew send was extremely dicey but like…the rest of it just looked like hard racing to me??? Am I missing something?? And Casey seemed to be racing him BACK just as hard? Even when Casey goes off & falls that wasn’t even really fully Valentino’s fault, I didn’t think? Like his overtake pushed Case a bit wide, BUT they’d just been trading overtakes back & forth, and also it looked like his original push wasn’t enough to make Casey go off but then Casey kind of made a mistake and wobbled a bit further into the gravel? Am I wrong?? What do I not understand yet lmaoooo help me batsplat you’re my only hope <3

yay laguna 2008 enjoyer <3 okay so, full disclosure, somebody sent me an ask about this... uh, quite a long time ago. and it's something I do want to do because a lot of my casey posts keep dancing around how I don't have a specific laguna post to refer back to. AND it's so key to the psychology of that rivalry that you do kinda need to go into the weeds with that race to really get their whole deal. AND it is a race I have extremely extensive notes on, in terms of the build up (which I've obviously already posted a lot of on this blog) and the aftermath, but also for the race itself. so this WILL be posted at some point, hopefully like. this year

the main stumbling blocks have been a) for lap by lap analysis, it makes sense to have a bunch of screenshots. which is finicky anyway, but even more so with tumblr's image limits. just takes time to do - and I've been busy enough these last couple months I've mostly been posting things I write up quite quickly. and b) that sense of... well, it's fine if I do it in my own notes where it's just for me, but if I'm posting analysis in public - even if about four people are reading it - I am deeply, deeply aware of the gaps of my knowledge in this sport. like, I've done my due diligence in that I have read as much reporting as possible about the race, listened to both versions of the commentary I have available on numerous occasions, etc etc. but I've only ever posted sports Analysis online for tennis. which is a sport I am actually an expert in, and feel entirely confident in my ability to analyse as well as anyone. tbh. and the contrast does make me painfully aware of my own limitations when it comes to analysing An Actual Race in motogp, like you can tell when someone doesn't know what tf they're talking about

which is particularly pertinent given that my read on this race does take a somewhat sceptical view of some of casey's assertions, based on all of the evidence I have at my disposal. and I am wary of that, because obviously he would know a lot better than me!! one problem is that casey does lean into rather vibes-based descriptions himself at times, which aren't particularly easy to fact check. like, he talks about being able to read other riders' body language on the bike and just never quite feeling on the same wavelength as valentino. which may well be true, but obviously I have absolutely zero way of assessing that

with laguna specifically, he's repeatedly said that while he DID have a problem with the corkscrew overtake, it was actually a lot of the other stuff that was bothering him too. as far as I understand it, a lot of it's about the lines valentino was taking - which is more about defending than the actual overtakes. I think the main actually identifiable culprits are... first of all. how valentino behaved down the main straight, with casey consistently getting a better run out of the last corner and the ducati straight line advantage giving him an edge in that bit of the track. after having been overtaken on the inside of turn 1 early on, valentino took care to hug the inside before running casey wide towards the outside edge of the track - making it so that any overtake into turn 1 would be quite dangerous. now, it's worth pointing out that an overtake into turn 1 is ALWAYS quite dangerous. the rider consensus on that turn (which is really more of a kink in the track before you get to the tricky turn 2 hairpin) is that it's more terrifying than the corkscrew - very fast and because of the elevation change, you're taking it completely blind where you quite literally cannot see the track ahead of you. one of the truly all time great overtakes in the sport actually comes in 2011, casey on jorge into turn 1 around the outside. it's something casey specifically is just crazy skilled at, to an extent where he's said that HE doesn't find it dangerous because he knows he can pull it off. but it is always a helpful reminder that laguna 2008 was very much an insane guy-off. valentino started it but casey DID respond, and repeatedly overtakes valentino at the most terrifying bit of the track. his perception of what is 'risky' or 'dangerous' is still not exactly in line with that of normal people

the other substantive critique is... well. casey hasn't quite gone all the way on this, but he certainly flirted with accusations of brake checking. which would obviously be quite a serious allegation and it's the one specific thing he said which valentino didn't take kindly to - most of the other stuff valentino just brushed off. again, casey's not gone all the way here.,, and this one also isn't easily verifiable for the layperson. you can definitely see that in the lap where casey crashes, valentino is taking some.......... uh. creative lines, like one of the corners after the corkscrew he does LEAP across the track to a comical extent. it is reasonable to believe that valentino was deliberately mixing up how early or late he was braking to unsettle casey, and something like that might have helped cause the crash. casey at this point was frustrated enough that he was really hugging valentino's back tyre, maybe even in order to try something before the main straight this time. when he almost runs into the back of valentino, he does have to adjust his line and is too hasty in trying to make up the ground again on valentino... which leads to the very slow tip off where he runs his bike from the shallow gravel into the deeper stuff. his mistake, yes, but did valentino contribute to it? and did valentino cross any lines in doing so?

the one thing casey has said where I do kinda call bullshit is him writing in his autobiography that some of the sketchier stuff wasn't shown by the tv cameras. maybe he doesn't feel like they provided the ideal angles, but for the duration of that battle casey and valentino are on screen like. a decent 80-90% of the time. I made a note of every time they switched away from them, and it really isn't a lot - certainly not for any overtakes minus that extremely annoying thing in lap four where casey is clearly sizing up a move into turn 1 and they randomly show hayden's back camera. neither myself nor the commentators were particularly thrilled about that, but it's casey's move and almost certainly the only actual overtake the cameras missed. casey says "a couple off moves off camera added to my frustration" which... this does feel like a bit of a sleight of hand tbh, like buddy you're going to have to provide a little more detail there on what exactly you think the cameras avoided showing. it's not like the tv direction is attempting to stitch him up here - they were eating this shit up and wanted to show every last second of it

in general, this is something that's true of a lot of casey's criticisms about this race: he's talked about it a lot, talked about how much it changed for him, but he does have a tendency to dance around actually making specific complaints. if you're being generous, you can say that he'd get a lot of shit for doing so. but, well, it's not like he's exactly holding back when criticising valentino a lot of the time. if you think he brake checked you, then just say that!! in one of his more valentino-esque traits, casey does have a tendency to heavily hint at a substantive accusation without QUITE spelling it out. it's the same trick he pulls with the suggestion that valentino blocked him from yamaha... which he obviously implies very heavily in his autobiography, but doesn't ever actually say outright. and it's a pretty neat trick in that it does allow certain talking points to get assimilated into popular narratives without setting them up to be fact checked. which is fascinating in its own right and a necessary corrective to the general narrative of casey as a forthright straight shooter who hasn't put a lot of thought into how to sell himself, but it's also a bit annoying if you're actually trying to assess 'the truth' of what happened. please, casey, enough talk about how you learned of the darkness in men's souls on that day... a little more detail, I beg

now fwiw, I do actually think casey is perfectly justified in complaining about valentino's riding. the main reason for this is that valentino himself has merrily confessed he was willing to do anything to stop casey from winning that race - which means that casey's belief valentino was ready to crash them both out was 100% correct. you can quibble about the specific moves, but at the end of the day valentino did obviously go into this race with the aim of intimidating casey. he could have injured both of them in order to prove a point, and I think that is something you can entirely reasonably take issue with. 10/10 for execution, good job on not actually crashing (even though a bit of his bike actually broke during the corkscrew overtake so it was completely lap of the gods stuff) - but that doesn't necessarily make valentino's approach morally defensible. casey's problem, of course, is that you have to say that it did WORK. if ever there was a single race that won someone a title, it's probably this one

which obviously just sucks for casey!! it plays into so many of his issues so perfectly that OF COURSE it's not something he's going to easily get over. and this is something that I do want to discuss in more depth in the actual laguna post, since it's definitely more my wheelhouse than analysing motorcycle overtakes - but my god was the psychology of this race horrendous from casey's pov. and you're flirting with quite a thin line where... I don't want to dismiss casey's interpretation, I think it's a reasonable stance to take, but also what's most fascinating to me is the emotional side of things. where it's less about completely rational assessment of whether xyz move should be allowed, and more about what casey felt - which is obviously also the arena valentino was interested in, more than actually winning the race. that's the selling point of this race: usually, you deploy tactics based on your understanding of your opponent's psychology to win the race you're actually in. valentino's primary goal was to get into casey's head and make him suffer. this was a long-term investment, right... and assessing exactly what it did to casey emotionally, why it felt so awful to him and how valentino achieved the desired effect - that's the really juicy stuff to dig into

there's also something else worth addressing here... part of the issue is that your perception of the racing is going to depend on what version of the sport you're most familiar with watching. a lot of the actual hard racing from laguna 2008 probably won't register as particularly out of order because there's also been a bit of a shift in riding standards in the intervening years. in 2011-12 the three competitive aliens kind of got away with dialling the aggression way, way, way down - just as a group taking a very conservative approach to what constituted an acceptable pass. 2013 reverses that trend, first and foremost because of marc joining the premier class. since then, the amount of aggression has generally crept upwards. there'll be several different reasons for that - rivals having to adjust to marc's level of aggression, the speculation that moto2 as a category was producing crazier rookies (this was a big talking point in 2017 with zarco, who valentino memorably had his issues with), and also technical changes. in the current formula of the sport, it's just a lot harder to overtake - and a lot of the previously common styles of overtaking also just wouldn't really be feasible nowadays. so you've got a lot of block passes, divebombs, shove it up the inside from a mile back (because that's as close as you can generally get to your competitor) and hope for the best... overtaking with contact has been completely normalised - something like pecco's first (?) cut back on marc in jerez this year would have been controversial in a different era, but now basically everyone just went 'good job yeah'

how you feel about this shift is always going to be a matter of personal opinion, and I'm definitely not completely in the laissez-faire camp on this myself - but it does undeniably mean you need a bit of extra context for what was considered 'hard' racing back then. and yes, obviously valentino himself is to some extent directly responsible for this shift. it's not like he never complained about other riders back then, he's always had a stance of 'fine if you can pull it off but don't be an idiot', but he definitely became more uncomfortable with some of the riding by his competitors over the years. which is ALSO a reasonable stance! riding aggressively by the standards of your time doesn't mean you have to take a complete carte blanche approach to all hard racing for evermore. it's their lives at stake, at the end of the day, so I do always feel like people should afford riders an open mind when they're giving their opinions on aggressive riding. even when their opinions vary rather dramatically. one moment that always sticks out to me in illustrating this shift over time is casey overtaking dani in motegi 2008 and gesturing back to apologise for pushing him wide. and......... I cannot stress enough to you how harmless that move looks to my eyes. it does not even register as hard racing to me, let alone something that would warrant an apology. things really have changed

then again, obviously you do have to remember that casey's complaints weren't exactly popular back then either. yes, you can chalk some of that down to favouritism towards valentino - but I've gone through quite a lot of forum posts too, and even the neutrals/casey fans really did love this race and took issue with casey's complaints. the commentariat certainly did - including sources I personally don't view as biased towards valentino over casey. everyone was super excited to HAVE a battle like that again. proper racing had become so rare in the 800cc era that this felt like a real throwback to the golden age... casey was never going to get much of a sympathetic hearing from a fanbase who had gone from the glory of the 2006 season to the dire tedium of 2007. it is casey's misfortune that he not only had an approach to racing that is less appealing to the casual fan, but also just happened to emerge as a frontrunner in a season everyone already kinda hated for non-casey reasons. almost everyone felt like he overreacted after the race and had conducted himself poorly both with valentino and in the media. that's why he apologised for what he'd said a few weeks later when they reconvened in brno, saying it had been a heat of the moment reaction (an explanation valentino readily accepted) - but obviously this is not an opinion casey earnestly held. the psychology of that apology is obviously fascinating in its own right, like that must feel like shit to have to do,,, but it is another bit of important context that gets forgotten about sometimes. it's not that casey's complaints are illegitimate - it's just ALSO likely that his stance has been made more radical by how truly awful the whole experience was for him, in ways that aren't just related to the literal riding. and at a certain point, he kind of needed to make sense of all of this, come up for a narrative for this race to help keep himself sane. if the world thinks you lost a race because you were a weaker person, perhaps you need to tell yourself you lost because you were a better one

all of which will be discussed in a lot more depth at a later juncture! even in this post I've deliberately kind of buried the lede in terms of where I'm at when it comes to the psychology of this race. this IS a race I obviously just have.... so so many thoughts about, always - which is why responding to this was so quick and easy lol, no consulting my notes required for any of it. at some point all of this will be written up with actual sources provided and lap-by-lap analysis. it's such a fantastic little case study for how sports psychology works, like I could write research papers on this thing. love the race, love them both, don't particularly want to side with either of them in their interpretation of this race but enjoy both sides and think they're both Valid. we'll never see the like again

[v-v-void]

Realized today that my "special Interest" is also the thing I started researching daily because it was the only thing I could do that didn't completely piss my abusive ex of. The only thing I could do on my phone that wouldn't start shit. I couldn't talk to anyone without it being an issue. Playing games on my phone felt like... idk it made the days drag on. It made living life feel more like running on a hamster wheel and that didnt help my situation but it was a way to pass the time without setting him off. Mind you everything i set it him off abruptly. I had lost any interest in books. I couldn't write. I got a really nice paint set, pastels, water colors and an easel because art class was the only class I'd go to and passed. I didn't even get a chance to use it because I brought it to his house so I had something to do while he played his x box. But anytime I talked about wanting to try it, he would either make fun of me or tell me I wasn't any good anyways so why would my mom even get it for me. Still to this day. I'm obsessed with the way oil pastels feel in my hand. How smooth it goes on a canvas. The way you can blend them together and everything looks soft. The way you can change your strokes and the texture changes. Even the way it looks when you drag a paper towel across it. Ugh. I suck at art but I love it. Painting too. But pastels will forever hold a spot in my heart. And I haven't touched any since before I got the art supplies back then. It's the only thing I wish I went back for or asked someone to grab for me. But it wasn't worth it.

With that being said. It didn't matter what I did. His moods were so.. unpredictable..

Any who. Astrology. That was my thing

Never felt much like a Leo. Still don't most of the time. But at least now I know why. Now I see more than just the basic sun sign and I can never get enough. Still to this day.

I'll just sit here and save post after post and compare it to stuff I've already learnt. And yet I go blank when anyone asks about it because I'm afraid to sound stupid. The odd time someone asks and pushed for me to share a little.. I will go off on a tangent, get embarrassed, feel like I don't make sense and then I'll wish I kept my mouth shut and pretended I didn't know anything. At least then I wouldn't sound stupid because now I don't male any sense.

Fucking hell this guy messed me up. I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid for believing in it. I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or people pretend to care. Or they ask about it and I say I know alot and yet.. when asked.. I shut down. So how tf will someone believe me.

Same goes for when people ask about what happened and what he did to me behind closed doors.. I got told I had ptsd and I felt like that was absurd because he hadn't hit me.. the damage is so clearly there. And yet I still feel like people don't believe me. It's awful to say but I wish he hit me. Bruises heal... not this though. This dude lives in my head rent free and makes sure I'm terrified and second guessing everything and everyone. It's rare for me to feel calm. To feel comfortable. Or confident. I'm afraid to try because I don't feel good enough. I don't know myself because he turned me into a husk of a person. He fed on the power he had over me and I've tried to deny it but he still does. And I hate myself for that. I feel weak. And scared.. and just.. so fucking angry. How tf did I let someone who treated me the way he did, cause me to fuck up my education. And now I'm lost and stuck and I feel unsafe with everyone and don't know how to let anyone be here.. but I'm so tired and I just want to feel safe with someone again. Tf is wring with ne

[atomicsuperrobot]

For anybody wondering if I ever get tired of being bitter and angry all the time: yeah, actually! It's pretty damn exhausting, in fact, on top of everything else in my life that's exhausting- which, shocker!! Is Everything!!!

But at the same time, I cannot seem to stop being so miserable all the time. I'm kind of stuck, you see; living in a fairly bad situation and being unable to do anything about it, bc the reason the situation is so bad in the first place is a lack of finances- finances that I cannot actually obtain in any fashion, but would need in order to be able to obtain. One of Those sorts of situations, yes? The problem sort of feeds into itself.

Not to mention I have a habit of neglecting myself, bc for some reason doing even the slightest bit of self-maintenance is very hard for me. I don't understand why, and am quite weary of this situation by now...

But, I've also always kind of been a brat, and constant unfettered access to the internet has not helped this problem. But I do not have anything better to do, quite literally; and it is because of the lack of finances situation that I just mentioned. I would love to be able to do more, but going out and doing things, aside from being quite dangerous in this day and age due to the literal fucking plague, takes quite a lot of money- money that I've never had, and likely never will have. Even acquiring materials for hobbies is extremely expensive; not to mention there's a space issue in my current home, which I've been stuck in for the past 25+ years.

So yeah, aside from my own failings in personality, I've got several contributing factors that are decidedly Not Helping, At All. Not that it excuses my actions; but I do go out of my way to mostly try to keep my complaining to myself. It's just that people find my complaining, and then see fit to complain to me about my complaining, no matter how valid my complaints might be in the moment (which plenty of them are, tho certainly not all of them). Someone once even got mad at me for complaining on my own blog, and complained to me about it. On anon. Real upstanding citizen, right there. Pretty sure I just blocked that one outright, like I wish I had with the fuckin pr0sh1pper that found me bc I made the monumentally stupid mistake of posting a complaint about people like them in the related fandom tag. They also somehow also thought it was about them specifically, tho idek who tf they were bc they were on anon, and I had apparently probably already blocked them from my main (Tumblr please add cross-blog/account-bound blocking features I beg of you). Vain-ass mfer. I should have blocked them off the bat, rather than trying to explain to them that they were Wrong, Actually, About Everything, bc it never works with those people, anyways. Eugh. Anyways. Lost the plot a bit, there...

[geekns]

From the bottom of my heart, I need you to know that no one wants to be around you because you're an asshole.

I just spent a good 30+ minutes scrolling through your blog, and you constantly get angry at others' experiences (and actual statistics), you equate your personal experience as the be all end all and don't seem to understand that your life doesn't just negate the other experiences around you. And frankly, none of your replies to any posts I've seen have been kind at all. Why tf would you ever expect anyone to be kind to you when you clearly don't give people the same courtesy?

I wish you the best and hope you can become a happier person. And being miserable just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can make positive changes to your life and become a kinder person, and I promise your life will get better.

Who asked you? No really, I'm being serious. If I'm so annoying, why are you on my blog reading my posts about how I am trying to be open and vulnerable and figure out how to process my trauma?

if you don't like what I'm saying, go away. No one is forcing you to read my ramblings. I have no idea who you are, I don't owe you anything. You don't know who I am and have no right to judge me.

You say I'm asshole and that I'm angry...constantly???

I'm really not. That's simply exhausting. Ain't nobody got time for that. My life is full of laughter. I am very literal, and I love to laugh, and so I do, often at random things that no one else thinks are funny. My life is a comedy despite the tragedy.

Honey, what makes you think that you need to tell me to that I need to try, like I haven't already been doing that for over forty years? Like, did you really just assume that I've been spending my entire life just sitting here saying "woe is me, I need a hero?"

No! Fuck that!

I'm not sitting around wallowing in misery, even in the moments where I allow myself to be honest about how hard things are. (I mean how dare I share such a thing.) I am that one who has to stand back up and fight every time I get knocked down! I've been making "positive changes" for longer than I can remember, taken the advice of so many people. And I keep fighting after other people have given up and gone home! I'm stubborn af. And I'm really not sure what you're trying to accomplish with your pretentious advice, but FYI, I'm just trying to figure out how to keep going. I nearly died a month ago, so sue me for taking a minute to recuperate.

But I reject your characterization that I'm an asshole. You wanna know why? Because the truth is that I am kind, and that's why people assume they can use me or control me. It's a classic blunder that has followed me across this country and the world. One such boss flat-out told me that I was "too nice" and proceeded to try to turn me into exactly who she wanted me to be. She was abusive and controlling and it was a nightmare. And that is only one of many experiences that I could relate.

But you know what? Lying to people isn't kind. Going along to get along isn't actually nice. And I am not hurting anyone, in fact, I may be one of the only people on this hellsite who cares enough to tell the truth even though it would be easier not to. I'm simply trying to be true to myself: hoping to feel a little less alone and help others feel understood in turn. Because I've always believed that we need each other, that we're stronger when we aren't alone.

But I'm certainly not here to mask for you or make you feel comfortable. I'm here to be real. Reality is not always pretty, trauma especially so: it makes us want to look away, but it is what it is. And denying your trauma and the hard things that you're fighting against is not helpful to anyone.

[impressiverunaway]

Narcissistic Mother...who would have thought that?

Welp. I couldn't tell how long it has been since my last post. But welcome back to my nightmare rollercoaster of a life. It's not all bad, really. Like I promise, it's not all bad. There is so much Good in my life, honestly. Yet, I can't exactly enjoy it all, but I pray for the day that I can come. Patience, right? Within a week, I, broke off a relationship with an asshole/narcissist/both? - after he let me move out of state to take a swim, no, to drown in his lies. Made a 20hr+ drive with a pet, alone, in a stick shift. and? Landed myself back in a home with a psychotic, narcissistic, cunt of a mother. Did I know what I was moving back to? No. Just as I did not know what I was moving out of state in to. My brain just does not work in a normal way. The move did teach me a lot. Luckily, I cut my losses to about a month of time wasted before picking my life back up again here at home. Still a lot of moving pieces to be entirely back on my feet. I learned to set boundaries, ha- I learned my boundaries. I learned my lesson, finally, as to why relationships should not be rushed. That nothing should really be rushed.

"Anyone would have fallen (for his bullshit)" My therapist said. In my mind, I added "but I did not, and I got out.

I could really see my life just...ending...by staying. Living, but so, so hollow. Oh yeah, within this said week, if you've seen my older posts, that guy I was so angry with, running circles in my mind? Yeah-he's back.

I can't believe I pushed him away before.

Looking back, I suspect that the period of time I thought I loved my ex, I was discovering I had serious feelings for him. I did not see, feel, or think that until the day of, or so- that I broke things off with my ex and was on the road in less than 24 hours.

The things I thought about, the things I felt thinking about Him, unworldly.

I'm not going to get into why my ex was a piece of shit, you're just going to have to trust me on it. Probably same with my mom, maybe in time I will share more.... but it seems like a conversation meant for my therapist's ears only.

I'm not rushing anything this time around.

I'm thinking "I'm dumb". And reminding myself that I am doing my best. I pray for the day that I skip over thinking that I am dumb and remember that I am always doing my best at all times.

She's really insane, I don't mean that in an offensive way, how much one person can affect so many people.

Discovering this piece of information for myself has uncovered so much for me.

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FYI, it terrifies the shit out of me knowing this is who my mother is and always has been.

like, this shit is genetic. I'm as confident as I can be, that I don't have it myself, but what if my child has it? How the fuck would that happen and how tf could I be able to handle that. Is it even worth the risk-If I'm ever able to fully heal and be in a place safe for children.

If I do land in a healthy relationship, with children, will I loose it all because I'm not 100%? I can't put kids in that situation, I can't put myself in that situation without being sure......and how can I be sure? Therapy.

------------------------------------ I am happier when I am not around mother. That's a fact. I have set boundaries- we are now in a roommate type relationship. Strangers. As it should have always been. *snort/scoffs* A boundary, of dozens, I've tried setting in the past. Always scared to be my true self to enforce said boundary due to false consequences. I'm creative, and I've got the vocabulary of a 90's rapper. --------------------

I know I said I wouldn't get into it, but, my Mother.

My own, fucking mother. She will deny it past the days she dies but-

My mother has been calling me a "Bitch" since I was 13 years old. Today, she called me evil,

Pure-evil.

My response?

She is lucky to be my mom.

&

It's a godsend I came from her.

P.S. You're dead to me.

*mic drop* -----------

Till next time, I hope all is well with you. That you are doing better than me. That maybe this helps you in some way.

take care. xoxo

[vaguely-concerned]

watched the end of the ruination animated short

and you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? Graves was there being very handsome, he had maybe the one line of dialogue that was genuinely entertaining in the whole thing (and that could very easily be interpreted as some ~*light homoerotic subtext*~ if one had a mind to, which of course I do), there was absolutely no more weirdness with him and Vayne at all (like a bro Akshan jumped on that shitty grenade, thank you Akshan you're a real one) -- considering how things have been going lately, I'm gonna chalk this one up as a win, my friends hahaha. I'm just going to post some screenshots of him being beautiful, because there's basically nothing else substantive to be gained from this short other than knowing that at least it's over now. Oh boy.

I'm going to assume that cigar is there because TF is not right now in a position to give him a Look about it

A lil angry block of a man and I for one love him very much even though this event has brought little except misery to anyone

Frame by framing my way through this (only the Graves parts tho I'm not crazy) I noticed that Akshan is actually coming over to check if Graves is okay here! (He's resting his hand on the shotgun and leans in to make eye contact, it reads better in motion.) Aw <3 Like I said, Akshan is a bro

"Don't nobody around here own a shirt?"

First of all this was the only line in this whole thing that inspired any kind of genuine emotion in me (it got a whole laugh-snort lol), and secondly Malcolm. Malcolm why is 'there sure are a lot of shirtless men around me right now' your takeaway from this situation (WE KNOW WHY even if depending on the emotional storyline we go with he may not understand why himself quite yet lmao)

Fun little animation/characterization detail: when he notices Akshan is gone, he actually gives a wide-eyed little dismayed look at first, like he's honestly worried that Akshan took it as an insult before he gets more annoyed hahaha

honestly his (teeny tiny) moments in this feel more right characterization-wise than all the visual novel stuff put together (though if that's not damning with faint praise...)

at least this was nice, right?! ;________; man, I hope these two get another chance in some years with much better writing when they decide to do something focused on taking down thresh, they deserve so much better than they got this event

Graves' reaction in the background to them reuniting is SO GODDAMN SWEET tho

He's smiling at them like that because he knows what it's like to get back to the person you love again after such a long time and he's thinking about how he's going to sweep TF's scrawny ass up in a bear hug and kiss him silly once stuff has settled properly and he can get out the blue card to teleport right back to him. Ssssh trust me I am right about this (or at least more right about anything than Riot have been this whole event, as low a bar as that is. Aaah no I will not stop bathing in this salt I have earned every grain)

These last few moments where he seems to react to Gwen talking to him are really cute too. He has such tremendous, like... Big Warm Safe Gay Uncle vibes in this one and it's wonderful, where the fUCK was this at any point during the vn??

And now... to sit back and watch the circus of how Riot will try to salvage any of this, this should be entertaining because my heart is blackened and deadened to whatever bullshit they throw at me now

[artsy-hobbitses]

Hello? Uh, I'm too scared to say this off-anon because of many reasons, but I wanted to share this nonetheless... Feel free to ignore it though. I really like your humanformers AU and read every post you made about it. Literally. Even if my interpretations of some characters would be different, it's still really interesting to see a different take on them. I was very hesitant to interact with you or your content because I have some really bad experiences with religion and just a mere mention of someone being religious can cause me to go into fight-or-flight mode... But even if it's something that makes me incredibly anxious, I know it's important to a lot of people, and I think it's really great that your characters are so diverse. I'm sure many people are overjoyed to see characters that they love share similarities(?) with them. I just wanted to thank you because you're doing good work, your stories are very interesting and your art is amazing, and even if some of the topics make me super anxious, I really enjoy your content... Okay that's about it, I'm sorry if I was rude, I don't want you to be angry at me and that's one of the reasons I'm saying this on anon. Sorry for bothering you, have a nice day-

Ay mate! I'm really glad you dropped in for a chat!

That's the beauty of Humanformers to me really, everyone has a different take and it's brilliant to see how one character is depicted through the lenses of multiple people from different backgrounds, carrying different personal stories and unique little add-ons to their personality that only comes from making them humans. Major bonus if they come with their own worlds, I can't get enough of that. I've seen one detailed in a very classical Art Noveau style and it blows my mind everytime it pops up. The point of it is to see a different take all the time! And hear on how the artist got there! I saw Proteus depicted as this regal-looking senator lady and was like yeah, I absolutely dig that! Even if I have my own version! There is no one definitive take, and I fucking love that.

I'm really sorry to hear you've had a rough time with religion. I'm muslim, albeit pretty moderate and grew up online post 9-11 (I'd walk into like, literally any online forum, as innocuous as Neopets, only to be met with screaming Islamophobia I held myself back from engaging with because I was 14, angry and confused and not entirely sure I knew enough about my own religion to back myself up. This during a time where I was desperately seeking social circles online since I was pretty lonely irl then) which means it's been an aspect of me I've hidden for a long time in online circles until a couple of years ago. I've more or less been reclaiming that part of me through my art and writing, which is why you see prominent muslim characters among TTB's cast. If it helps, I don't mind placing all religious pieces under a simple 'religion' tag! There's a couple of blokes on the TF AU Discord who specifically list Christianity-related stuff as a trigger to be spoilered and we've had no issue doing that, so I'm genuinely cool if that makes the browsing experience more comfortable.

It's all good, thank you for your kind words and don't hesitate to reach out!

[nerdycolorcupcake]

Okay, well, gonna highlight things on Techno stream, then I'll go to Tommy's, and later Sapnap's, on different posts (i still need to resume Eryn and Jack and Niki reeeee so much vods, oh and i also need to talk abt Quackity lore another day)

Warning abt spoilers from The Jailbreak Lore!!!

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Okay here we go:

1- The stream was scuffed as hell and i LOVED every second of it, Techno really did his best despite all bloopers, Also Syndicate break out mission failed successfully?...

2- Look, I knew shit were gonna hit the fan as soon as Dream was out, but i was legit surprised when both Techno and Phil turned their backs on Dream as soon as he was out (And then Phil solidified that later but I'll talk abt it in the post abt Tommy's lore) It was indeed a favors for favors thing and it felt so great to know Dream won't pull strings on them again (hopefully....)

3- Ranboo was killed by Sam...

I'm very conflicted bc i still like how protective Sam was of Tommy later on but still, i was so fucking shocked just like Techno when it happened and just like him i wanted the payback full force, I'm so angry at Sam for it, he really didn't had to do it man, I'm still not over Slime loss, and then Ranboo was killed, just, unforgivable...

ALSO HE KILLED APOLLO THE DOG OF PROFECY!

4- Connor being relevant in lore?? Amazing! Say hello to the newest member of the Syndicate! Dream's fucking son! Who got in jail just like his father hahah- .... Ok why tf he was there idk man I'm so confused what the fuck-

5- Techno finally getting to know who Michael (the piglin) and Tubbo's and Ranboo's family secret, and even surprisingly, he and Tubbo decided to leave their differences aside in order to investigate where's Michael and find him, not to mention, i felt so bad for Tubbo having to know his husband got killed and his son dissapeared and Dream escaping on the same day!... God I can't imagine how much pain he must be feeling;

5- I'm just glad to know that even when meeting Dream, Ranboo made sure to show how much he hated him, and now Techno knows that Dream doesn't give a shit;

6- Niki just girlbossed her way out with the distraction withers, good for her 💅

7- Phil just being forced to drag horses all the way XD poor old man, it will be sad when he, y'know...

8- Oh yeah! Techno spying on Dream and Sapnap with Tubbo? Best bit ever

And that's it for now

[soft-ris]

Hi! I'm not sure if u still have slots for CP but if so could I have one? my top 3 from hq are bokuto, iwaizumi + miya atsumu! im 5'5, she/her w long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white, green eyes + tan skin. I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally flirty + my love language is physical touch! I love working out and I'm a huge foodie. I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + pda. I ramble but I'm a gd listener, a night owl, v playful + luv teasing 1/2

im spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious! I'm empathetic + love comforting others! I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I'm also straight forward and try my best to be upfront about my feelings. I love autumn/winter, cooking + outdoors but also love cosy nights at home! I also really like protective people! Thank u sm in advance if theres still space <3 2/2

Cupid’s Pick for your match made in heaven is...

... Iwaizumi!!

...long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white.

All of them would find that super cool, like the unique style of it, their reactions would just vary.

Iwa would be wide eyed and go ‘wow’. He’d definitely stare, but in a good way because he’s 100% admiring the way you look with this style. There’s just no hiding that admiring look on his face, he can’t even if he tries tbh. He just thinks it’s so mf cool. Would subtly bask in the praises you get bc ‘hell yeah she’s fucking cool, that’s my girlfriend >:)’. Would compliment you for sure, simple and to the point, and you just know he means every word because his personality is like that.

Atsumu & Bo would be louder and more verbal & show-off-y. Lots of like ‘omfg this style is so cool?!?!?’. Would even go as far as saying ‘we matchBIXKJSANJC’ (especially Bo since the dyed colour is the same), since they have dyed hair themselves, and would also 100000% take pics and show them off to Osamu & Akaashi and their MSBY teammates and even post about u on their accounts bc they’re just so excited uwu

It’s also a given that they would change their wallpaper to u with this hairstyle ASAP uwu

I also really like protective people!

All of them are pretty protective in their own rights, I feel? The difference would be how they deal with the thing or person making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

I feel like Iwa would have no qualms being a sort of shield between you and that problem. If someone’s bothering you, he would step in between u and the person/people and bring you away from them AFTER (respectfully) glaring at them and telling them they’re making things uncomfortable for everyone. He’s quite observant too, having dealt with Oikawa’s personality and habits for a lot of his life, so he would be able to tell when you need his protection and when you can handle yourself. Tbh even when you can handle yourself, he’ll already be inching towards you, wanting to be by your side just in case it turns ugly. And if it ever turns ugly (which is fucked up because why tf would anyone wanna fight Iwa when he’s packing all those muscles??), ya know he won’t be fucking around. He may be a respectful man, but that doesn’t mean he won’t twist the person’s arm with a little more force than necessary if they tried to do shit to u. After the mf’s taken care of, he’ll take you some place quiet and make sure you’re alright, feeling safe and comforted by treating you softer than usual. Will also bring you your favourite snacks to help you ease your nerves and end the night on a better note. Overall, 10/10 boyfriend because your comfort and safety means a lot to him uwu <3

Atsumu would probably veeeery publically embarrass them by calling them out, and you know his words cut deeeeeep. He’ll be keeping a hand on you throughout the day/night, that’s for sure, until you’re home again. Just that touch of his to make sure you’re by his side and doing alright.

Bo would probably get angry (whether in a cute pouty way or in an intense anger would depend on the situation), unintentionally call them out (which would be hella embarrassing for the other person bc god they made BOKUTO angry??), and then he would just start trying to make sure you’re okay. He’d start being really touchy like cupping your face, hugging you from all angles, & etc. He’ll bring you home asap if the situation calls for it or if you ask him to or if the person isn’t gone from the space, but would probably stay if you tell him it’s alright and you’re okay now.

I think the both of them are protective in their own rights, but something about Iwa being really perceptive and having that strength and reliability to his personality that would probably make you feel the safest (based on yours and his traits).

I love working out and I'm a huge foodie.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME, (27), ATHLETIC TRAINER. CHAMPION OF ARM WRESTLING, AND EVERY SPORT IMAGINABLE.

I don’t think I need to say more, it’s all right thereKSKSKSK

He’ll work out with you and become those perfect work out couple goals. 1000000000000000000% for sure. And he’s an athletic trainer, so he knows how to help you maximize your work out.

I can also see him eating a lot with you on your food trips. Sure, his diet is pretty balanced, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to eat, and especially on cheat days he’ll happily indulge in the more ‘unhealthy’ foods with you.

I also don’t think he’ll be trying to control your diet, but maybe tell you stuff like ‘eat more veges/protein/etc.’ if you don’t eat properly. He cares for you and your health is important to him too. But if your diet is pretty good and balanced as is, then he’ll be a little more relaxed knowing you’re not surviving on only junk foods and sodas lol

I ramble but I'm a gd listener, a night owl, v playful + luv teasing.

GREAT because I can see Iwa appreciating very much that you’d listen to him talk on about his rough day, gush the monsters he finds super fucking cool (like Godzilla), rants about Oikawa being a shit head (again), and so on.

I can see him being a great listener too, always nodding along and taking in what you ramble to him. Giving comments and insights too if he can. And if he doesn’t have the capacity or energy for that (most probably bc work was draining or he isn’t having a good day), he’d tell you straight up (if you didn’t catch the physical clues he displays). Politely and to the point, without malice.

Oikawa is teasing and playful with him, so he’s practically built to handle it like a pro since childhoodKSKSKSK

But he won’t resort to violence with you ofc, just with Oikawa <3 depending on the nature of your teasing, he’d either roll his eyes and maybe bump your shoulder lightly (or some other light form of contact), or he’ll try to tease you back. I can also see him blushing and asking you to shut it if your teasing grants that kind of reaction if yk what I meanKSKSKS

The night owl bit, he understands, but would tell you sometimes to not mess up your schedule and to sleep earlier if you can because that’s just how he shows that he cares. If you point out that he sounds like a nagging mom, he’d pop a vein and tackle you (softly) and drag you to bed and be a little kid about it like ‘HA what can u do now that u can’t escape my arms?? Who’s a nagging mom now??’. Y’all would 100% end up in giggles UWUWUWUWUWU

I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + pda.

I can see Atsumu & Bo loving and basking in the PDA more than Iwa, because that shit makes him flustered so hard and he has to take a while to get used to having someone show him such bold displays of love. But I feel like Iwa would really grow to like it tho uwu

All 3 of them are kind of stubborn in their own way? If y’all disagree on something, I can see Bo & Iwa coming to a compromise with you easier than Atsumu.

Iwa would make you a cup of coffee just the way you like it every day when you wake up because it’s his actions with the littlest things that show you the loudest how much he loves you. He’s also great with holding you back on your more dangerous and rash and potentially harmful impulses, like the reliable figure that gives you good reasons and talks you out of reeeeaaally bad decisions, but he’s also a whole Gemini so he’ll indulge in your impulses with you more often than you think heh heh

I'm also straight forward and try my best to be upfront about my feelings.

That’s a great trait for all of the boys tbh, because all 3 of them needs someone like that due to their personalities.

Atsumu would understand that you’re not playing mind games and he wouldn’t then try to play it back or burst into flames. Bo would be thankful because he can just take your words as is. And that’s the same for Iwa too. While he’s observant and can probably read between the lines no problem, straight forwardness just makes things easier for him because he’s pretty straight forward too. And I feel that if he can count on you for that, then he’ll be probably allow himself to rely on you more.

If you praise them, they’ll know you mean it too and they’ll be real happy about it uwu

I'm empathetic + love comforting others!

Another great attribute for all 3 of them. Bo & Atsumu melts in a more obvious way (and in the moment) when you comfort them and when you empathize with them, but Iwa? It’s in the way he squeezes your hand right after, the look in his eyes are soft and so is his grateful smile. It’s in the way he hugs you later in bed, curving into you like a cat, arms secure around you, and he whispers a very tender ‘thank you’. It’s in the way he kisses you good morning the day after, hand on your cheek as if he’s holding the world in it, and he feels like he is. I’d say it’s more quiet with Iwa’s display of gratitude, but it’s just as loud as the other two, there’s no doubt about that.

I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally flirty + my love language is physical touch! I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I’m spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious!

Your outgoing and naturally flirty self would probably capture all 3 of their hearts, with Iwa putting up a little more fight than the rest (he doesn’t take it as him being special, but falls for your sweet words regardless bc he likes u so much).

Bo & Atsumu would satisfy your love language more, both looking like they’re very comfortable in showing you they love you in that way. Iwa might be a more muted than the 2, but if y’all are dating, he’d always have a hand on you somehow. Whether its holding your hand, a hand on your back, on your cheek, & etc. Like he just finds a way to always have contact with you, especially when he finds out your love language if physical touch. He’ll put in the effort, that’s for sure.

Atsumu might not do as well with your emotional trait? He doesn’t mince his words, and even if he tries to be softer with you, it’s not 100% that he’ll change that part of himself. He’ll try to comfort you, apologize and sooth your wounds if he hurts you bad, but it’s how he is with his words – blunt and (mainly) unfiltered. Iwa isn’t blunt, I’d say? He knows what to say and when to say it and how to say it, and he’s also caring, so I feel like he’d do very well with this trait of yours.

Being energetic meshes pretty well with Bo bc he’s pretty energetic himself. Iwa himself has a lot of energy, so he would most definitely keep up with your energy no problem.

Every other trait I can see doing well with Iwa. He’d admire it, and some would even push him further too by feeding off your traits too.

[corvidcantina]

Ok but from a narrative point of view (I say, as though I were THE expert on narrative) and not from my point of view which right now is "no talk to me im angy", are we sure that death would be the right end to Martín's redemption* arc?

Let's see. He's already taken the first step towards growth and the acceptance of Andrés' death and what his loss meant for him. He's trying to live without his best friend/love of his life at his side by forming a new meaningful connection with Helsinki. Good, right? He could get out of the Bank of Spain and build a new life with Helsinki now that Nairobi died. (I'm not saying that Nairobi should have died. I'm still angry about it. I think she should have built a family with Bogotá and her future child. If I saw Gandía irl I'd probably yell at him. She was disarmed and weak and posed no threat to him.) He's also very probably been suicidal for a long time after Andrés died. I'm not saying they shouldn't kill him off because it would be a low blow but,,, I'm also not not saying that. He's such an unlucky bastard that seeing him get killed would really throw me off my rhythm. Kinda like Gary Oldman about Sirius Black's death ("the woman brings the poor bastard back for two scenes and then has him killed off" not a direct quote but kinda) thrown off my rhythm.

But as we say in Italy not everything that shines is made of gold. Martín's told Helsinki that he's going get him out of the Bank of Spain alive even if it entails sacrificing himself. Also "time will bring us back together" could be either a foreshadowing (see above post) or just a meaningful promise Andrés made Martín which rang hollow as time progressed and Andrés died, thus becoming unable to maintain the promise.

Then there's the problem with Tokyo: we don't know why she's narrating the whole story. Is she the only survivor? I fucking hope not, I can't stand her. But also like,,, who would she be talking to. Has she gotten arrested? After Berlin yeeted her out of the mint and Sergio already had a plan to rescue her, how tf could she have gotten arrested a second time if not by being careless (which has already cost her Río once so I don't think she'd be stupid enough to fuck off somewhere alone a second time) Is she talking to the police? The first time they arrested her she gave them practically nothing since in the end Raquel decided to stay with Sergio. Is she enacting plan Paris a second time? I don't think she even knows about plan Paris: it was devised in case either Sergio or Raquel got arrested and the only ones who knew about the plan were Sergio, Raquel, the miners and the Russians. (Were they Russian? Can't remember)

So in the end it doesn't make much sense (to me, at least) to have Martín die unless it's because they all die one way or another (which... How. Does Alicia shoot Sergio and then they're all doomed? Martín himself still worked on the plan. All of them know the plan. They still have Marsella on the outside, not to mention a shitload of money which could buy them practically anything to escape. They still have the people on their side.) so thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. If anyone has any suggestion or if I've blatantly missed a point (very probably because I didn't remember it) I'm all ears love y'all bye

*he's still a mysoginist asshole and a true redemption arc for him would recognise and explore and develop this point, hopefully making him recognise his mistakes, but as I've already said in another post nobody in lcdp is perfect bc the series investigates human flaws as catalysts for basically everything that happens so,,, he's growing but he won't become a "perfect baby uwu" in a million years (also bc literally nobody is perfect)

Anyway if "time will bring us back together" foreshadows Martín's death and his reunion with Andrés in the afterlife I'm suing

[my3amletterstoher]

This bitch ass nigga tryna take you out to eat and shit, I TOLD you that mother fuckers would try to act friendly , I said that the other day , trying to act like shit they aren't and shit when they are the cause of all the havoc, harm and shit in your life , A MOTHER FUCKER THAT JUST TOLD KRISTINA TO HARM YOU AGAIN TO MAKE YOU SICK , HARM THAT CAN POSSIBLY KILL YOU , THEN HE TRIES TO BE AROUND YOU

All that stuff I said the other day, that anger and stuff was their anger , their hatred towards you

And this mother fucker basically tells on himself all the time, him and her , he posted a song saying "I am who you say that I am" when I was talking about manipulating you and shit he was talking about "you can't tell me nothing" same mentality that bitch has "Ima do what I want" then posted that picture of you , he basically did the same thing , after all the harm he and her is still mm causing you , directly and indirectly

You know you have acted in a way before like when you flare up , and I'm like "why did you hurt me" and you didn't mean to , that was the same thing that happened to me, they were the cause , then they try to make themselves look good but I see right through that bullshit , I know you have anxiety right now, you always dnnno around that nigga Eric , you know he doesn't sit right with you or your spirit, you are not calm around him, you are not content , you are not content around no one not me

You do as I say, you answer to me , you don't do things to make me angry, you only do things to please me , you only do things to make me happy, you do not go against, and you are only loyal to me and you are going to hurt that nigga , you are going to continue to dodge him, you are going to continue to go against him , you are going to help me make sure that he dies, that what he's doing is harm and we are going to destroy him and her, they are scared of me , and I have things in place to make sure that they will die , actually I don't, the universe does , this is wrong and he is going to pay , I didn't say you were around him, I seen you dodging him , every time him popped up you go off of SC to get away from &/or you reached out to me , didn't I say that I know you took off your location bc of them, you want them to leave you tf alone , and that's that , you reach out to me, you post for me , you want me around 24/7 , you don't want no one around you but ME , and you look for me, you wait for me, you don't give a fuck who tries to swarm you or tries to hit you up, you give them the stiff arm , you posted that on his shit bc you knew I would see and you want me to speak up against him , you want me to harm him, you want me to kill him , he's toxic af , you don't want to be around him, you are panicking inside and you are not going to be around him anymore ,and now you are going to work even more harder to get him and her out of your life and do even more against them , and I got your back 100% baby, Tumblr messing up, I'm going to do something right now , a few more minutes 🖤🖤🖤🖤I'm right here , reach out to me baby, it's all about you my princess 👑🖤, I know you are having anxiety real bad right now , I got you baby, I'm right here, reach out to me, you want me to be there , you need me to be there , reach out to me , I'm right here , you don't care about nothing or no one else, in fact you escape and want it escape it all , and I feel the same way , you miss me so much I know you do , I can feel it , you feel so lost right now , and have been

Reach out to me , I'm right here baby , i stop the whole world for you , take a deep breath you are strong , picture a white light around you, a zipper zipping up your aura , breathe 4 in , 6 out , feeling relaxed , stroking your head, you been through a lot , and I got you baby , I got you , I am stronger than any person, any problem, any issue , I crush every thing , I am the boss, I am in control , I know you are on my side, we are in solidarity, it's us against them, and any problem or anything you face in life , we crush it all together , MFers think you are on their side lmfaoooo or that they are on top of things lmfaooo or that shit are about them , they are in for a rude awakening , matter of fact ONE SECOND, bc I was clearing your energy, helping you , relaxing you ..etc and they wanted to pop up and swarm and shitanf try to get me off track or try to distract me , thus trying to cause more harm to you bc they feed off of attention , and reactions bc they're parasites , and leeches, they don't have anything to sustain themselves that's how weak they are , that's why they try to bring you down, that's why they try to bring me down/harm (one of the reasons) ,Tumblr messing up, what you posted the other day has so much meaning , I'm not allowing the anger, I'm not allowing the attention, I'm not alluring the mind games , or anything of any sort, I'm cutting that shit off , and I know you are too , you been doing things to show that (Tumblr messing up) , I just had to check myself/get in myself (Tumblr messing up) we floating and soaring , up in the sky, past the clouds, up into space 🚀✨, stars twinkling and shiningggg, Tumblr messing up ,

We floating and lounginggggg , feeling like as a feather , above life ✨✨✨✨✨✨🌙🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤, Tumblr messing up, incense burninggggg 😍😍😍😍💦💦, lavender in the airrrrr, feeling the air with its aromaaaa, wraps my arms around you 😘🤗🤗🤗🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤, stroking your hair 😘😘😘😘🤗🤗🖤🖤🖤, Tumblr messing up ,

Tumblr messing up, 😍😍😍🤤🤤🤤, tumblr messing up, my sexy ass gf/sub/slave/muse/trophy/princess 😍😍😍😍🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🏆👑🔐👌🏾⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

😍😍😍

🏆🏆🏆

🖤🖤🖤

Stroking your hair 😘😘😘😘😘🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗, sits you on my lap 🤗🤗🤗😘😘😘😘😘😘, kissing your lips 😘😘😘😘😘🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🖤💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦, kissing your neck 😘😘😘😘(Tumblr messing up) , listening to " maggot brain " ✨✨✨✨by funkadelic as we melt inside each other (tumblr messing up) music booming , I can't wait to receive my package from you 😍😍😍😍, I'm excited af 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤😘😘, and im still excited af that you got mine 😩😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍🖤🖤🖤😘😘😘😘👑🏆💋Tumblr messing up, muah muah muah 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘🖤🖤🖤🖤, and I know you are too

"My girlfriend/sub/slave/muse shows me so much love, all her love, and the world /be blessing me 100% , The way you submit to me , the way you grip me, the way you grap me , the way you please me 😍🤤😍🤤😍😍the way you carry out my commands I'm a proud Gf/Dom/Mistress/Master 👌🏾⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🖤🖤🖤🖤painting the perfect pictures for me vividly 😍😍😍😍😍scrumptious 😍😍😍😍, and I love how eager you be to fulfill my wishes and commands/give me the world , strokes your hair , you are so perfect baby 😍 keep it coming baby , you are amazing 😍😍😍😍, you are perfect 😍😍😍😍, show off for me baby (like your outfit..what you wear today ..etc) I love when you model for me baby 😍😍😍, hit those angles and poses for me baby 😍😍😍I love it 😍😍😍🤤🤤🤤, mmmm kisses your neck 😘😘😘😘💋💋💋💋, your lips , your face, your body, your eyes 😍😍😍😍🤤🤤🤤, from head to toe 😍😍🤤🤤🤤, you are perfection 😍😍😍🤤🤤🤤"

Tumblr messing up , swoons 😍😍😍😍, picks you up and twirls you around 😘😘😘😘🤗🤗🖤🖤🖤, Tumblr messing up , showers you with love 😘😘😘🖤🖤🖤😘😘🖤🖤😘😘🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤, in our own world 😍😍😍😍, music boominggggg , our love on 10, high voltageeeeee 😍😍😍😍, Tumblr messing up , floating in the airrrrrr , we shining and glowinggggg , I gotta make another most for the images

[sunday--is--gloomy]

My friends are good and nice people who I don’t think have ever seen a reason to fight with me (and I haven’t with them) but I’m not so sure if one of them did something super fucked up if I would actually be able to do anything about it because my brain refuses to believe that anyone I care about could ever be bad because most of the human race is inherently better than I am somehow and I’m terrified of confrontation because everyone is also much bigger and stronger than I am somehow and must be appeased.

[beaconwasourhome]

Vault of the Spring Maiden thoughts

Told you I was gonna post it

In no particular order:

-Jaune's semblance is healing and nobody is surprised. It looks cool tho, I like how it looks like his aura is flowing around her

-on a related note, honestly there was no way in hell Weiss was gonna die I mean come on. I was still stressed tho

-Ruby had some great lines in this guys

-there was "make it happen, RNJR" which just made me happy and it was a nice callback

-then there was "no. I'm angry" which was just such a power line??? You go Ruby kick some ass

-okay that was two lines but they were good

-also the return of Ruby's original Power Pose with her scythe???? Good Shit

-I know people are complaining about how little time she got in the episode and last but literally all of the time she does get is great I love it

-Ren I love you buddy but "this is bad" doesn't quite cover it

-Blake please show the fuck up

-I just wanna say props to Barbara bc I noticed in this episode in particular Yang's voice has just changed so much to reflect how different of a person she is. Like on the "you okay, sis?" Before the fall of beacon that line would've sounded so different, more enthusiastic, so anyway yeah I appreciate that

-so I honestly never bothered to think about who hazel was based off of but yeah Hansel and Gretel, Hazel and Gretchen

-I feel like that whole thing was kinda anticlimactic, or building up to something later. I think Gretchen might have been someone relevant? Or it could be a setup for Hazel to stop fighting Ozpin?

-speaking of Hazel, it's cool to see someone use dust in their body like was mentioned way back in one of the first WoRs

-I'm still holding out for an emerald redemption

-come on girl I know you're gay but cinder will leave you to die

-you know if she actually did do that it would be very interesting

-is Qrow dead? Who fucking knows

-actually prob not bc it'd have been more dramatic, I think he's just out of commission

-I'm hype for Ren vs Hazel it's gonna be cool

-WAIT they had that whole "I don't want to fight you" dialogue in ep 11 maybe Ren will make him stop fighting

-back to Jaune I think making him the healer is probably the best possible thing they could've done for his character. His whole thing is that he feels inferior to everyone else, like he is insignificant. "I'm tired of being the lovable idiot stuck in a tree while all my friends fight" "if I die buying them time, it'll be worth it. They're the ones that matter" (those were paraphrased from memory) But now that Jaune is the healer, he people need to rely on him (which they already do in some ways) also he doesn't even need to be the best fighter

-was it just me or was Cinder imitating Pyrrha's spear

-and finally the fucking plot twist at the end that I did not see coming in a million years

-I remember the theory that Raven was the spring maiden was a thing during volume 4 kinda but it was all but obliterated the second everyone saw Vernal in the vol 5 opening

-fuck this was so SMART I'm still not over it

-that's why Raven kept putting her helmet back on so nobody saw her eyes

-and when Vernal was showing off her powers her eyes were closed

-speaking of Vernal, I never really liked her but damn. That death was brutal

-I'm like 200% suspicious of Winter Schnee and Summer Rose now bc those are the two maidens we're missing, and Raven called out how obvious Cinder's last name was and now Vernal wasn't even the ducking maiden

-so how tf does Qrow not know his sister is the spring maiden

-does Ozpin know? If he does I'm not sure Qrow will trust him anymore

-Yang definitely won't

In conclusion:

-This was a damn good episode, I might call it the best of the volume so far

-Jaune is a good healer, Blake is still awol, Yang and Ruby are gonna do some sister fighting and kick ass, and I fucking love Raven