#...........or could it have been another test from the god of despair--

[asexual-levia-tan]

thinks about toonka. thinks about the bandit leader, who was said to resemble toonka. thinks about how he was forced to fight in an arena, and ended up killing someone he thought of as his brother. and enjoyed it.

thinks about how toonka had to kill someone he thought of as a close friend. thinks about how that impacted him emotionally. thinks about how easy it really was to get him to think about the well-being of those weaker than him. thinks about how he's one of the whipper kingdom citizens who manifested magic resistance as a defense against the human experimentation the magic tower was doing. thinks about how toonka has no family thats been mentioned as of yet..............................

[apricot-blossomss]

☛ mortal! fem! reader telling apollo she is pregnant

☛ sfw, angsty-ish, fluff

he was late, and it only worsened your anxiety. for the last half hour, you had been pacing nervously around the house, jumping at every sound that might announce the return of your immortal lover. the ticking of the clock mocked your growing despair as your gaze flickered between the door, the window and the bathroom door that stood between you and it. the positive pregnancy test on your sink.

five minutes late. was there any way he knew already? would he never come back to you again? the nausea that crept up your throat was very unlike the one that had you throwing up over the toilet this morning. just when you thought you would start to cry, there was a knock on the door. eight knocks in the rhythm of "here comes the sun" by the beatles.

since you had been waiting by the door, you opened it in a matter of seconds, only to be met with the face of apollo. a look of surprise graced his divine features and he smiled breathtakingly down at you with raised eyebrows. "quite eager to see me, are ya', sunshine?"

swallowing down your worry and despair was easy when he was right here, in front of you, when his shining smile made your heart burst with happiness and his deft fingers reached for your hips to ground you against him. a warm hand landed on your neck as your lover gazed down at you with pure adoration in his eyes and leaned down to kiss you. it was warm, it was perfect, it was like coming home and you sighed contentedly into his mouth.

however, you were pulled out of your haze when you felt the tips of his fingers dip under your skirt and the kiss become more heated. shakily, your hands pressed against his chest to push him away and immediately, you could feel him retracting. "love?" you opened your eyes to find him looking down at you, his worried eyes searching your features for an explanation for your shaky figure.

you should get this over with. after all, it was also his fault that you were now in this predicament. so you smoothed out your skirt and looked him in the eye, fingers fiddling with each other. "apollo, i'm... i'm pregnant"

the rush of emotions on his face was too fast and intense for your mortal senses to pick up. there seemed to be conflicting reactions within your lover which at least meant that he didn't only react with distain. at last, worry remained as his hands wrapped themselves around your bicep and he leaned down to your height. "how are you feeling?" oh, right. god of medicine.

"fine, just a little morning sickness earlier today," you answered, remembering the horrific story of his own birth. without your permission, your lower lip started to quiver and your fingers clawed at his shirt. "will you- will you leave me now?" you lowered your head to avoid looking at him if he pushed you away, it would be so much harder that way.

not that you thought he was a monster. but he was a god. dieties are fickle, as one mortal is only a second in the eternity of their existence. god's don't stick around and only rarely burden themselves with taking care of a mother and a child. from the moment you saw that the test was positive, you knew you wanted the baby, but you also wanted apollo. would you have to let one or the other go?

"leave you?" strong hands tilted your averted face towards the god and you couldn't help the tears burning in your eyes. if you could at least have a graceful farewell, but no. here you were, crying pathetically between his warm hands. apollos brows were furrowed- in anger, wonder, worry? you couldn't decipher it, even though you could read him fairly well most of the time.

"yes?" you squeaked with your broken crying voice. a dry chuckle left apollos lips and you frowned. must he mock you now as well?

"sunshine," he sighed and another tear escaped your eye at the sound of the nickname. grimacing, he brushed it away and offered you a gentle smile. "after all the poems and songs and declarations, what made you think i could leave you this easily?"

"don't you gods always?" you sniffed and tried to blink your tears away. "apollo, I- I want to keep it"

"good," he hummed and lowered his head to press a kiss onto your tear-stained cheek. "if that's what you want" as if to physically stop him from leaving, your arms locked around his godly body and you hid your face in his neck. your voice quivering with a shy hope, you whispered: "I want you, too"

"well, i'm glad," he laughed and you shuddered because even that sounded so ethereal. softly, he said your name, prompting you to look at him. with your faces only an inch apart, his warm breath fanned your moist face. he was smiling and you were in awe of how happy he looked. "sunshine, i'm not leaving. not ever"

"no?" you hiccuped embarrassingly and he chuckled. strong hands came up to cup your tummy as if there was a bump already. "i am amazed by your strength, lover, to carry our child. i shall promise to be with you every step of the way."

"thank god," you laughed and wiped your tears away. looking back, your outburst seemed almost stupid, but you knew you were justified in your suspicions when it came to gods and their feeling of obligation to their families. but not apollo. your lover was going to stay, with you, with the child. as the realization sunk in, your heart swelled with joy. about the baby, about the god in your arms, about your family.

new strength flooded through you and you took a step back. "i'll make dinner, do you want-"

apollo didn't let you finish, he picked you up princess style and shook his head scoldingly. "you aren't allowed to do anything. i'm making dinner, you just relax." before you could protest, he set you down on the couch, covered you in blankets and placed a cup of tea in your hands. "do you feel okay? any nausea? any pain?"

the deadpan look you gave him didn't seem to impress him very much. "apollo, I'm only a few weeks pregnant, this is ridiculous, do you want me to spend the next seven months on this couch?"

A tender but mischievous smile graced his lips as he pecked your nose and tucked you in despite your protests. "maybe. what would you do about it?"

"probably smother myself with these pillows out of boredom." you huffed and rolled your eyes. "apollo-"

"i know," he almost whined and you raised your brows. this thousands of years old diety was not supposed to sound like a toddler asking for his bedtime story. "it's just- you humans are so easily ki- hurt"

you frowned, but he turned away and walked a little more hurriedly to the kitchen than necessary. to not elicit any more protests, you didn't go after him but sat up on the couch, watching him scramble around just a tad bit to un-gracefully for a god. a sigh left your lips as you watched him and he stiffened a little. "apollo, how are you ever going to get through the childbirth?"

[mr-yuugo]

Fallen Soul

-Record Of Ragnarok × Fem!Reader-

Summary: You are a god who is recruited to fight for Mankind. A god whose soul had fallen to earth, a human version of themselves was born. Will you be able to help save humanity?

You can read this on Wattpad and AO3! There is currently 17 chapters!

[CHAPTER 1] Contender

Faint footsteps could be heard as you lifted your head. "Lady Y/N, there is someone here who wishes to speak with you," Virgo said as they bowed down. Their short pink hair covered their face as their right hand was placed on their chest.

You hummed in acknowledgment. "Let them in," You spoke as you rested your chin in the palm of your hand. Virgo was quick to stand up straight. Going to the doors of your throne room to open them. Opening them, Virgo moved to the side to let the person walk in. You smiled as you recognized that it was the Valkyrie from earlier.

....

"Well, then. Everyone, it's been 1000 years since the last time we gathered. Let us start the conference shall we?" Zeus said.

"Now, let me ask. In regard to the survival of mankind for the next 1,000 years. Should we forgive them? Or should we just put an end to them?" Zeus asked and two signs appeared beside him. One is a circle and another being an X symbol.

Besides where you sat, you heard someone speak. "Yep! Heeeere!" Shiva, who was sitting next to you was smiling. He was holding up two of the X signs.

"Let's just give them the doomsday already, Alright? From what I've seen these past 1,000 years, mankind doesn't seem to have any intent to repent at all. Trying to guide them is such a pain in the ass." Having said that, he looked over at you and smirked. "Once we erase them all, let's try evolving some other animal!"

Just a few feet away you saw Aphrodite nod her head. "True..." Aphrodite muttered. "It's just as Shiva-sama said, in the last 1000 years the earth has become too ugly." You were certain you could hear the inner disgust in her voice.

"Seas are filled with waste and oil, forests are disappearing and living beings have become extinct one after another. So to speak...Humans are the most dangerous living cancer on earth. A disaster that will bring the earth to its end. Isn't that right?"

At her words, multiple of the other gods present had begun to agree with her. "Aphrodite is right!"

"Mankind is awful and will bring only despair." As even more gods began to speak their minds, Shiva turned to you and spoke. "Tell me, Y/N, you also think we should end them right?" He lazily smiled.

Looking at him, you smiled. Putting a finger up to your lips as if you were shushing him, you chuckled dryly. "Just wait Shiva, I'm sure the humans will not be ones to give up without a fight."

Zeus cleared his throat, gaining the attention of those around him. "I guess we have come to an agreement!" Zeus said, raising his gavel. "Then, the end of mankind is decided-!" Just before he slammed his gavel down, someone interrupted him.

"Please wait for a second!" Near the higher seats, you spotted a Valkyrie standing boldly and another who seemed scared.

"Huh?" Zeus mumbled. "A Valkyrie...? That's a Valkyrie right?" Someone asked. "What's up with her?" Another questioned as murmurs began to rise. "Parden my intrusion Gods, there is one thing I must say." The Valkyrie spoke loudly.

"Sister! Y-you can't s-speak to the Gods like that!" The smaller girl beside her said while trembling as she hurried to shush her sister.

"Mind your business, Brunhilde!" The crows that sit on Odin's shoulders yelled at her. "You imbecile half God! How dare you open your filthy mouth in the conference of the Gods!"

Brunhilde didn't seem fazed by their words. "It is true that mankind is unbelievably vulgar and violent. But to destroy them like that...Isn't that a bit...boring?" She shrugged. "Whether the survival of mankind has any value or not. With the mighty mercy of the Gods, why don't we test them?"

"Test them?! How, do you wish to flood them?!" Huginn asked Brunhilde as he continued to yell. "Or do you think we should send them into an ice age?"

Brundilde turned her head left to right in disagreement. "No, but I have the most effective way to test them.""Oh?" Zeus hummed. "What is it!? Say it now you imbecile!" Huggin yelled as he grew impatient. "Say it now!"

"Gods vs. Mankind's final struggle, Ragnarok!" Brunhilde spoke loudly as she held a book in her hands. "Valhalla constitution, article 62." She said while flipping through a book. "It is explained in paragraph 15 of the super special clause. 1 vs. 1 showdown, between both Gods and Mankind."

"It seems you Valkyrie really don't understand! Mankind vs. Gods? They simply don't stand a chance against us!" Huginn said. "They simply stand no chance!" Both crows yelled out in unison.

At the crow's words, the other gods present began to agree with them. "That's right!" They all yelled out. "It would be child's play!"The gods roared. "I don't even remember such a law."

Brundilde looked displeased, "So the will of the Gods is to destroy mankind and also....to avoid complete conflict?" Brunhilde said, mockery laced in her words. "Heh?!" Huginn glared.

"We want to destroy mankind without fighting them. We don't want to be put in the same ring as them. That's I'll I'm hearing, hmm don't tell me....." She stopped for a second. "You're chickening out?" Her voice echoed. "If so, I'm terribly sorry for interrupting you. Please forgive me. Well anyway go ahead don't listen to me. Let's just forget all about the Ragnarok stuff."

Soon laughter could be heard from all directions, but after that laughter, anger was clearly present. "How dare you!" The Gods yelled out in anger, throwing poisonous words at her. "Do you know what you just did you damn half-breed!"

"Are you making fun of us you bastard!!?"You simply stared at the girl with amazement in your eyes. "How bold!" You gushed as you smiled in her direction.

"Hohoho..." Zeus chuckled. "Ragnarok, quite an interesting proposal. Well said! Though, your proposal it's such a fucking unit! Besides don't you think it's been a long time since we have seen the might of the Gods!!"

"Everyone! What do you think? Should we hold a showdown between God and Mankind!?" He laughed. "Here!" Saying that he slammed his gavel down.

....

"Lady Y/N, thank you for allowing me to speak with you." Brunhilde bowed down in front of you. Motioning over to her to stand up, she soon stood confidently. "It's my pleasure dear, so why are you here?" You chuckled.

Placing a hand near her heart she looked up at you with determination. "I'm here to ask you, will you fight in Ragnarok?" You tilted your head in confusion, a quiet humm leaving your lips. "Hm? But I'm a God, why would you want me to fight against your cause?"

Brunhilde smirked. "You would fight....in your human form. Your soul, fell to earth correct? You were once a human, so according to the rules, you'll be able to participate for mankind. I've seen your skills as a human, I have no doubt you'll win!" Her smirked widened.

"Yes, I suppose that's true..." You mumbled, sighing you continued. "You are a very smart woman Brunhilde! Of course, such a bold request as yours can't be turned down. I accept! I'll be more than happy to battle in Ragnarok."

[CHAPTER 2] Ragnarok Begins!

The first round of Ragnarok had begun. You had decided to stay in your estate and watch the round on your TV. Footsteps could be heard from outside the doors of your room and knocking was heard soon after.

"Come in!" You said loudly. Opening the door you saw Virgo. They quickly rushed up to you and stood beside you. "My lady! The official roster for the candidates who will participate in Ragnarok is out!" They said, handing you an electronic device showing various names.

"It seems that you and young master Ruiru will be participating!" They spoke with enthusiasm. Handing the device back to them you kept watching the TV in front of you.

"It's alright Virgo. I have no need to see it. I would rather be surprised when the contenders come up to fight. I want to see it myself."

Their mouth formed an "o" shape and they looked down in shame. "Ah I see, I apologize then. I'm sorry I spoiled part of it for you..."

Glancing at Virgo you smiled as your eyes met. "No need to apologize, you were only excited to show the news that your very own master was going to show off her skills. I'm very much grateful for that!"

Noticing how their eyes teared up you quickly stood up from your seat. "Uh! D-don't cry! Did I say something weird!?" Freaking out you began to apologize. Virgo sniffled as they stood up straight, their hands behind their back.

"My lady, I'm so happy I'm able to work for you. I promise to do my very best!" Virgo said as they grabbed your hands. You were surprised for a second before smiling at them. "I'm glad," You told them as you gave their hand a firm squeeze.

At that moment you swore some arrow shot through Virgo's heart as their face began to flush. Excusing themselves, Virgo quickly left the room. "Huh-" Looking at the door they left through you just laughed. Sitting back down you continued to watch how Thor had a wonderful smirk on his face as he fought with Lu Bu.

A few minutes passed until you began to process the information Virgo had told you. "Ryubu's name was also on the list. I really do hope we don't end up fighting each other." You sighed. "I wonder how he is, I haven't seen him or Raijin in a very long time. I wish the best for them."

You frowned as you thought about them. "I wonder if they have changed at all..."

......

Focusing on the TV it seemed that the battle had come to an end. "The first battle of Ragnarok, between the God Thor and Lu Bu...has come to a close, with Thor as its victor...! Humanity has taken its first steps into extinction!!" Heimdall announcedStanding up you decided to make your way to the Arena to go see Thor.

"Heaven's door," You called out. A small portal opened up in front of you, passing by it you were immediately at the doors of the arena. Watching a nurse run by you quickly stopped her. "Excuse me but do you know where Thor currently is?"

The nurse looked at you, her eyes quick to widen as she recognized you. "Ah, Lady Y/N! Yes, I do know please follow me I'll lead you to it!" She smiled, her cheeks blushing a faint pink. She quickly walked in the direction of Thor's room. Passing a few halls she stopped at one of the doors.

"Here we are, Lady Y/N! I am very happy to have had the chance to be around you today!" She said as she bowed down to show her respect.

"Oh please you're going to make me blush!" You said as you also bowed down slightly. Standing up straight she told you goodbye as she quickly left in the direction you both came from in a hurry.

Opening the door to his room you saw him sitting on a chair, his eyes focused on the screen in front of him awaiting for the second round to start. Hearing the door open, Thor snapped his eyes over in your direction. "Y/N, have you never learned to knock?" He asked.

"Wow! Ironic you're saying I should knock!" You laughed. You heard him mumble something under his breath. "Excuse me? I don't think I heard you." You asked almost mockingly.

Sighing Thor spoke. "Sorry..." He said looking anywhere but your eyes. It seemed he was still beating himself up about your first meeting.

"That's better! Anyways I'm just here to ask if you're alright."

He hummed as he motioned over to you to get closer with his hands. "Did you really come all this way just to ask me that?"

"Yep!" You said clapping your hands together. "Can't you just use that ability of yours? You could have just seen into the future. You probably already knew the outcome of my match." He said.

You laughed and let out a sigh. "I suppose I could but, I made a promise to myself not to. Knowing what is bound to happen is...no fun!" You admitted as you shrugged. "I haven't seen anything future-related since Brunhilde came to speak with me."

Saying that Thor looked puzzled. "That Valkyrie came to speak with you? Why?" He asked to which you nodded.

"I will be fighting in Ragnarok, for the future of mankind." His eyes widened slightly but quickly regained their cold look.

"Can't say I'm surprised....." Thor muttered. "Y/N, wouldn't that mean you are a traitor to the Gods? What will happen to you if others find out?"

"Well, I guess....I'll just have to kill them before they kill me!" You smirked. "Are you going to try to kill me?" You asked, your eyes lighting up as your smirk widened. He stared at you for a moment before chuckling.

"Why would I kill the only God I have...that is worthy of fighting me." He said as he let out a quiet chuckle. "Though I am confused. If you fighting in Ragnarok, why wasn't your name on the list of contenders?"

"Well...as rules say, it will be a showdown between mankind and god. I simply can't break the rules! I'll be fighting as a human."

"A human?"

"Yes! Once upon a time, Dear old Y/N lost her soul! Her soul fell to earth and found itself within a human child. That child was given a chance to follow their own path, one without assistance from any god." You said as if telling a children's book.

Thor froze as you told him the small story. "When did that happen?" He thought but didn't say anything about it.

"My name given by the love of mankind is Hoshiko Hanae."

"Ah...I see. Hoshiko Hanae, I remember seeing that name on the list of fighters. Though, are you really sure you will win? I fear that you will be far weaker as a human as you are a God." He spoke with genuine concern.

"Just because I will be "weaker" than I am now, does not mean I'll be weaker than my opponent. I trained my ass off from what I remember. I hold no fear of losing, I will win." You smiled. "Oh, and you won't tell anyone about what we just talked about right? I'm kinda hoping everyone finds out when the moment happens."

"Of course, though why did you tell me? You didn't gain anything from it."

"Huh? Well, I don't need to gain anything. I just trust you, talking to you makes me happy. Do I really need a reason?" You said as your smile didn't falter. His mouth opened slightly and having found no words to say he looked down.

A smirk appeared on his face. "Do you maybe want to stay here and watch the next battle?" He asked still staring down. Feeling a presence next to him he looked up and was met by your smile.

"Sure!"

[blueteller]

Who are the gods that have been introduced in tcf? What do you think are their power levels and their stance in the story and towards cale?, what do you think about their personalities? (Sorry couldn't keep up with them and i need to know more abo

An excellent question! As of now, there are 11 known or semi-known gods in the TCF pantheon. Let's count them down:

1. God of Death

We don't know his name, but we know him the most out of all of the gods. There's quite a bit to go over here.

First of all, we know that he's a male with white hair, dark skin and pitch black eyes (also, "great complexion" according to Cale lol).

Secondly, he wasn't originally "supposed" to become a god. In other words he wasn't a "Tribulator", or "Single Lifer", which are humans who don't reincarnate after death, due to being born with the potential to ascend. He became a god through sacrifice, somehow. According to the God of Despair – who is notably a liar, so his account is probably not entirely accurate – God of Death killed his "friend" in order to achieve godhood. Presumably that friend was a Single Lifer, and thus had enough Karma to elevate the God of Death to his current status. The World Tree from Nameless 1 (aka. the TCF world) knows this, which is why she warned Cale not to trust the God of Death. (More on the topic God of Despair and God of Death's friend later.)

Third thing we know about him, the God of Death is responsible for transporting – or attempting to transport – at least 3 Choi family members to Nameless 1: Choi Jung Gun, aka. Nelan Barrow, Choi Han, and Choi Jung Soo. Those three were Single Lifers, and thus, have the potential to become divine beings after death. However, Choi Jung Gun refused and became a Wanderer (and beats up the God of Death with a broom on occasion lol). Same happened with Choi Jung Soo, who died before he could get transported to another dimension, but became a Wanderer anyway. Choi Han is still alive, so he isn't one yet.

Also, he currently has no Saints – at least not at Nameless 1. Cage and Cale were his preferred candidates, but they both refused the offer. Which is how we know that the Saint position has to be accepted in order for it to happen.

The God of Death's power is stronger – or at the very least, a natural opponent – of the power of the Sun God, unlike darkness attribute and dead mana. Thus, when Alberu faced the risk of his Dark Elf heritage being exposed by Saint Jack, Cale requested Cage to bless the bracelet Mary created for him with the power of the God of Death, for additional protection. Another instance of this was in the tower in the Empire where a "heretic" – aka. a real Saint – was once imprisoned. The corrupted priests put the God of Death's divine item, a book, into a wall in that tower to suppress her powers, which was said to be very effective.

The God of Death is capable of striking powerful deals with people on the verge of death. For example, the deal with the original Cale Henituse to regress back in time and transmigrate into Kim Rok Soo's body. He is also able to grant deals through sacrifice of one's lifespan, like Choi Han sacrificing the time he would outlive Raon Miru to go help Cale in the Sealed God's Test, or that time when Choi Jung Gun sacrificed his lifespan to create the Sword of Disasters and Dragon Blood Drinking Crown. The God of Death also has the Vow of Death, which can be used to track the people who made it with their lives on the line. The "thread" connecting the vow-makers break if one of them dies, or their soul gets transported into another dimension all of a sudden – as it happened when Cale was put through Sealed God's Test. Not to mention the God of Death has limited precognition, by knowing the place and date of a potential death (which he uses to warn Cale about his potential death on the 8th of November in the Sealed God's Test).

The God of Death's divine items are the book mentioned earlier, which he could use to communicate with Cale and the new prison of the Sealed God, and the mirror, which basically functions as a tablet and means of transport between different dimensions. It requires "invitations" from outside forces, however.

Among people working for the God of Death, there is Choi Jung Gun, who clearly isn't too happy about it considering the broom incident. There was also Lee Soo Hyuk, although that deal expired once he got properly reincarnated as Sui Khan with all his memories from his past life. And of course Choi Jung Soo, who seems to be under similar Wanderer contract as his uncle, although that has not been discussed in depth yet.

Now, the God of Death's personality. First of all, he's obviously an introvert. He does not like socializing at all. However, he does like to bother Cage and Cale for attention because he likes them. He often acts very childish. Certainly very low emotional intelligence (I am never forgetting when he basically wrote Cale a letter saying: "Hi, I'm a huge fan of your work, your best friends' deaths are your fault by the way, also you're gonna die on your next birthday – good luck lol"). But he is intelligent where it comes to strategy. Cale's transmigrations seems to be entirely his idea. He certainly felt bad about his curse accidently affecting him by proxy, but was unable to undo it before the transmigration.

While the God of Death certainly has good intentions – meaning he's trying to prevent people from dying – the way he does thing is certainly in the morally gray area. He often does not ask for permission – like kidnapping teenage Chois and putting them in mortal danger. He also basically never apologizes. I'd put him in a True Neutral alignment, as I doubt he qualifies to be in the "chaotic neutral" category.

On his relationships, we know that he loves Cage (who is apparently the reincarnation of the Glutton Priestess) and Cale (whom he had been observing since early childhood). He also gets along with Super Rock and Cheapskate (the Gods, not the Ancient Power versions of them). He has a working relationship with Angelina the Sun God, and the God of War as well. He also fears the God of Balance – for a good reason – but wishes to see her face, so he probably doesn't really respect her as much as he fears her.

Also, he's passively suicidal. He wishes he could die enough that he explored all the options, as he discussed it with Angelina. He did not find a way for a god to die, despite being the God of Death himself. Thus it's safe to say he has low self-esteem and is probably heavily depressed.

Lastly, he hates the Hunters with a passion. It's safe to say he was not one of them when he was still alive.

2. Sun God(dess); aka. Angelina

Her name and gender were revealed at nearly the end of Part 1. Angelina's backstory, as told by the World Tree to Cale, is that she was a Tribulator who met an evil Dark Elf when she was still alive. After achieving godhood, she declared that he would erase all darkness, aka. darkness attribute and dead mana races. Thus, her Church became heavily racist as result.

She let it go overtime however, eventually deeply regretting her attitude, as the God of Death described her going from "bold and radiant" to "sulking in shadows". Just like the God of Death, she became disillusioned and depressed enogh to consult him on possible ways of gods commiting suicide. Her full regret was shown in how she let Alberu trade his family's curse for a way to contact Cale in the Sealed God's Test, by possessing a Dark Tiger monster. Also, she hired Choi Jung Gun to steal Taerang (Ahn Roh Man's AI shape changing Spear) from Earth 3 so that Alberu could use it against the Lion Dragon.

Her Saints are Jack and Hannah – or at the very least intended Saints. Angelina split the power between the two of them, Jack getting the power to heal, and Hannah the light attribute and sword skills at Swordmaster level. However, while Jack embraced his powers and the position of a Saint, Hannah refused them. So it's possible that only Jack is a Saint, now...? Not 100% sure how that works.

Her powers include "purifying" – aka. destroying – dead mana, however it is unable to heal people poisoned by it. Thus the reason why Jack was unable to touch his sister after she absorbed dead mana with the help of necromancer Mary. However, later on Angelina somehow changed how her powers worked for dark attribute and Jack was able to touch his Hannah again, as well as Alberu. I'm not 100% sure why or how that happened. Presumably part of Angelina's "redemption arc".

Angelina's divine item was called "Condemnation of the Sun". Unlike the intimidating name, its original form was a small cracked mirror which Cale found under a trash can. Jack was able to extract the true for of the divine item from it in a time of need, which was a white sword. Hannah used it to defeat Bell Tower Master, Lich Bernard.

Due to both Jack and Hannah being blond, as well as both Crossman and Mogoru Empire royal families claiming that the Sun God's blessing was connected to golden hair and golden eyes, it's easy to assume that Angelina was a golden blond herself. However, as we had not gotten her physical description yet, it is merely speculation at this point.

...She also has a warehouse with wine, which is apparently pretty good, according to the God of Death. Makes me wonder if she's not an alcoholic... I mean with her depression, it would make sense. (I wonder what she uses to make the alcohol tho, lol)

3. God of War

A lot of things are undertain about this god. We don't even know this god's gender yet, much less their appearance personality. We can make some guesses based on what little we know, however.

First of all, the Saint of this god is Deputy Priestess of the demon worshippers in Endable Kingdom, Cotton. Cotton was heavily undercover as a Saintess. She was able to create "shelters" for Eruhaben and the others while Cale was trapped in a black orb by the Sealed God's Test. From this, we can conclude that despite the title, the God of War's power are not actually connected to the violence of war at all; quite the opposite. It seems like this god is more concerned with preventing bloodshed and espionage work connected to ending war early. Perhaps that is a new development, like with Angelina, or perhaps it was that way since the beginning.

Secondly, there is information which is not 100% confirmed to be about the God of War, but is heavily implied to be. The God of War's Saintess used to be the Water of Judgement, Cale's Water Ancient Power's original owner. She was a slave, before one god freed her and had her working for them instead. Water of Judgement was much displeased with this, and with the help of Cale's other Ancient Powers, eventually escaped to the Eastern Continent and renamed herself Sky Eating Water. This all took place in the north, in the area where the Paerun Kingdom later came to be. The same god was responsible for creating a river for the frozen land, but because the locals decided to hoard the water for themselves by turning the river into a lake, and tried to control and/or rejected Sky Eating Water, the god became furious with them. They left a divine item in the shape of a watering can, which Cale found in an old farming shed.

It all has yet to become revelant to the story, but it's quite an interesting bit of backstory nonetheless. (Like I said, it's not 100% sure it's all about the God of War, but it's the only one who fits.

4. Sealed God; God of Despair

The first member of the Hunters who managed to become a god. Whether by accident or otherwise, this person – who we only know is male – managed to kill a Single Lifer, and with the power of their Karma, ascended despite not being born a Tribulator.

Thus, the Hunters became obesssed with creating more gods by killing as many people and creatures as possible for the power of Karma. Also including entire Worlds, as Worlds are sentient beings with a ton of Karma themselves.

Apparently, gods can become stronger through getting Karma even after achieving godhood. Because the God of Despair continued hunting and killing Sinle Lifers. He said that he killed 10, and was about to kill the 11th when he "got caught". We can assume that whatever happened then was either directly or indirectly caused by the – living and mortal at the time – God of Death, who was friends with the 11th Single Lifer target. Perhaps God of Death unwittingly took his friend's Karma through a mercy kill, causing his ascension. Whatever actually happened at the time, it ended with the God of Despair getting "arrested" – presumably by one or more of the Old Gods – and sealed away in his own temple statue as punishment. The seal wasn't perfect, however. The Hunters had methods to summon the Sealed God's Temple in different dimensions for it to harvest despair, in the hope of releasing the God of Despair once more. Cale eventually managed to use Embrace on the Sealed God and sealed him away for good in the God of Death's divine item.

Cale described the statue of the Sealed God as looking serene and beautiful – before turning furious and demonic – so if it depicted the God of Despair accurately, it's quite possible that he was once very good looking.

The God of Despair has an extremely merciless, evil personality. He describes himself as the personification of malice and wickedness. He controls Unranked Monsters and is worshipped by the demonic race. He makes very cruel tests for people which are nearly impossible to succeed at, but he is still limited and has to follow certain rules. ....that doesn't stop him from being an a**hole about it tho, as it showed when he "rewarded" Cale's success in his Test by gving him the whole 10 minutes for saying goodbye. What a bastard.

God of Despair is a liar, a manipulator, who does not hesitate to do whatever he needs to get what he wants. He used the White Star as his pawn and did not hesitate to try replacing him with Cale Henituse the first chance he got. He also got completely abandoned by the Hunters once Cale sealed him away. So it's easy to guess that despite all his self-importance of being "the first Hunter to become a God", he isn't actually the leader of the Hunters – not the King, nor the King's Successor.

In the end, the Sealed God is just as much of a puppet in the game of the Hunter as the White Star himself. Poetic.

5. God of Protection; Super Rock

Due to some of the original owners of Cale's Ancient Powers ascending after their deaths, the Super Rock inside Cale's Earth Attribute and the God of Protection are essentially two different people. However, since we know things about Super Rock the Ancient Power, we automatically know some things about the God of Protection, too.

First of all, he likes Cale and wishes for him to succeed. He left Cale a necklace with a pebble, presumably with a purpose to use later on. Secondly, he's still rivals/best friends with Cheapskate, aka. God of Purifying Fire. The live together in an area which seems like a burned mountain. ....Makes sense to me, lol.

God of Protection is said to be quite powerful – powerful enough to face the God of Balance, who is one of the Old Gods. How his powers currently function is unclear, but we can use our imagination and assume that it has to do with both Earth and Protection.

I don't recall any physical descriptions of him in the novel. We know he faced the Ancient White Star in battle and was known as the Guardian of the Land of Boulders – future Forest of Darkness area – so he must have had the body of a powerful fighter.

Also, according to Choi Jung Gun's journal, he was quite grumpy when he first met him. From the way he acts with Cale as an Ancient Powers, his personality falls into the "harsh but worried grandpa" category.

6. God of Purifying Fire; Fire of Destruction aka. Cheapskate

Just like with the God of Protection, aka. Super Rock, we know things about him via Cale's Ancient Power. But we also got a physical description, thanks to the Pope of the Fire of Purification Church! His hair was burning red, just like Cale's (probably a bit more orange than blood red tho, which is more of a Thames characteristic color).

Cheapskate is certainly someone who was very greedy for money in life. It is unclear if he got over it after his ascension, but it's doubtful. He achieved godhood after setting the northern half of the Western Continent on fire all at once, to get rid of dead mana and black magic golems, giving even the World Tree quite the scare.

His powers involve Purifying Fire, which unlike Angelina's power are able to purify without harming those with the Darkness Attribute. His divine item is a stove which emits purifying smoke, to heal living jiangshi from dead mana in their hearts in Part 2. Cale is allowed to keep this divine item until his own death.

When Cheapskate appears before Cale, he shows up as a cute puppy, wagging his tale for validation. He is generous (unlike the God of Death, in Cale's eyes) and seems to like Cale a lot, just like the God of Protection. Possibly because Cale has their Ancient Powers, but more likely because they see themselves in Cale and thus appreciate him and his efforts.

Unlike the God of Protection, who faces the God of Balance head on in a fight, God of the Purifying Fire seems to be quite scared of her due to the whole hiding-as-a-puppy thing.

7. Blue Wolf

This one is the lest certain of all the deities, but I decided to mention them as the God of Death spoke about them in the journal, as well as told Cale to seek them out when they head out to Aipotu, aka. the World of Dragons which has been taken over by the Hunters. Apparently this deity wil help Lock, and it's possible their deal with help explain why Wolf People are considerd a race "abandoned by the gods" (they can't use potions for example) despite not having a Darkness Attribute.

Basically, I'm pretty sure this guy is a Wolf God of some sort and their whole deal will be explored later on.

8. God of Balance

One of the 4 "Old Gods", meaning gods who did not manage to find any replacements for a very, VERY long time, and as the result are some of the oldest gods running around.

This does NOT mean that they are the "first" gods of their kind, however, as all gods can – and wil – retire one day, and thus the position is passed down sooner or later. It simply means they are especially picky with their successor, for one reason or another.

The God of Balance is a woman who wears heels (presumably for the intimidation factor) and likes to approach from behind, making the other person frozen in place and unable to turn around to look at her. (Which is why the God of Death tried to encourage Cale to try to get a peek on ther misterious face.) She is capable of inflicting pain even upon the God of Death, who is notably powerful. She is a very harsh person who has strict rules and is extremely displeased when people try to go against them. She wrote an entire rulebook, in fact, as Central Plains once mentions to Cale looking it over to see if certain things are allowed.

She is clearly obsessed with order and control, as her biggest opponents are the God of Chaos – her natural opposite – and Hope, who defies both Balance and Chaos.

She wants to press Cale into becoming a god under her in order to keep her under control. Cale definitely does not like that, and thus it's impossible it's actually going to happen.

9. God of Hope

Officially Cale's favorite god, as it's the only one who respects his slacker life dream and sincerely wishes him luck with it.

Hope met Cale only once, but was quite revealing about their personality during the meeting (even though we did not get any physical description nor gender reveal yet). First, they did not want to become a god, but felt obligated to as someone was needed for the role at the time. Secondly, they consider the lust for power "repulsive". Lastly, their power comes from people being inspired and hoping, thus while not always powerful, Hope can on occassion become more powerful than Balance.

Hope and Balance are clashing forces, because Hope goes againt and beyond the order of Balance to achieve the impossible.

...out of all the possible roles, if Cale actually becomes a god himself in the future, I'm betting him becoming the next Hope is the most likely outcome. However, Hope kind of made me think that Cale's perfect ending will be avoiding exactly that fate. So perhaps, Cale will avoid becoming a god in the first place with their help.

10. God of Chaos

Only mentioned as the opposing force of Balance. Nothing more is known just yet. One of the 4 Old Gods.

11. Unnamed 4th Ancient God

The last of the 4 Old Gods. Nothing is known about them yet beyond the fact that they exist. However, as @crazystorygirl pointed out, it might actually be the God of Fate, as they were mentioned in the God of Death's journal among Hope and Balance, so that would make the most sense. Fate would also fit thematically with Hope, Balance and Chaos, which are all themes showing up frequently in TCF.

...Phew! That was much longer than I expected. I hope it helps you!

[merakiui]

MERAAA it’s phantom anon here (・ω・)ノ

lemme just tell you- i’ve been rereading your old works and they never. stop. hitting.

but RABU JADE??!?? OH BROTHER

*pulls up a chair and sits down unceremoniously*

he hasn’t left my mind ever since i’ve read it. he’s quite literally- a leech.

i’ve been thinking of how poor ol’ reader is gonna get out of the predicament they’re currently facing.

(which i will send another ask about cause oh my god the rot in my brain- it’s festering i tell ya)

i def think that jade had some kind of sick pleasure knowing that he was boiling fingers and the like while reader was right. there.

seconds away from checking the pot. inches away from the last remains of the restaurants last dine-&-dash victim

he could have you find out anytime he likes, ‘darling mind stirring the pot for me?’ ‘darling could you help drain the broth from the pot?’ ‘honey how would you like to help me prep for the day- there’s a bag in the freezer i need you to get’

i can see him biting his lip in some, perverse pleasure, as he watches reader scurry around the kitchen doing her thang. checking the pot right next to his. his breathe hitched when you’re about to unmask his… secret.

but with a little ‘whoops’ and a giggle of ‘wrong pot,’ jade’s heart beats a little faster, his teeth clamps a little harder, a bead of blood on his lip as he has to excuse himself.

i think he lays awake in bed some nights, holding reader tightly as he lets his mind wander. how would reader react? would you get nauseous? would you faint? would you yell at him: if so in despair or anger? would you try calling the cops? would you try calling floyd?- his arms get a little tighter at the thought of you in his twin’s arms.

would you try to convince him you didn’t see anything? would you flinch if he tried touching you.

all these scenarios racing through his head- would you help him?

ahhh maybe he gets so shy thinking about the two of you cooking… with love. yes you do it already but this is a different kind of intimacy 🙈

but i also don’t think he was ready for the day to actually come- much rather fantasize about your reactions. because they’re just that- fantasizes

after all, every couple has their secrets. and a bit of mystery always spices up things a bit 🙈

so jade seeing reader as stiff as a brick while in front of his pot had a different kind of thumping in his chest.

(imagine reader trying to distract him with the pregnancy test they tried slipping in the pot HHAHAXHAHA- don’t reader put it in a 2 sealed plastic baggys cause they have a 3 star standard to uphold!!)

YAY!!

ALSO I JDUT SAW ANGELS OF TOBET GOT POSTED SO LEMME JUST SCURRY OVER TO THERE😸😸

Phantom anon, hi hiii!! ⸜(｡ ˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Oh, RABU Jade...... he really does have all sorts of twisted fantasies. >_< you have no other choice but to continue loving him, for he's your darling husband. But the fingers in the pot and Jade's secret are second to the biggest news: your pregnancy!!! <3 aaaa Jade's just so happy. Maybe he promises not to harvest anymore special ingredients so it won't stress you and the baby out. But if you find yourself craving that yummy bone broth with its dubious ingredients, who is he to deny you?

You're definitely going to have to reevaluate your husband after discovering this hidden side. ^^;;; confiding in someone else is dangerous because you have no idea what he might do to them, especially if that person is Detective Ashengrotto. ;;;;; maybe Floyd might have some advice.... :)

AAAAAA OTL I just love RABU Jade!! He's so devious.

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Sixteen

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic @laurpartyprogram @jessitpwk

“Just hand me another one” my voice races out in a choked whisper. Maggie looks at me sympathetically and reluctantly hands one over. We’re in her bathroom because I didn’t want the trash in my house incase Kyle saw. “Nat, I don’t think this one will be any different. It’s been the same for two days.”

Panic floods my body, “it can’t be the same, they’re wrong. They have to be wrong. There’s no way this is happening right now” my breathing is short and hollow and my heart feels like it’s going to break out of my chest, “I can’t- I can’t do-do this right now” I rasp out and fold in on myself, crumpling onto the ground, suddenly lightheaded with the heaviness of reality. Maggie rushed to my side and starts rubbing my back. I try to match my breathing to the gentle up and down of her hand against my back. “Nat, it’s going to be okay.” Maggie tries to reassure me but I can hear the panic in her own voice. “Okay!? How is any of this okay?! What am I going to do?” I sob and Maggie wraps her arms around me. I bury my face into her shoulder and I start to shake as I begin to cry even harder. 

Maggie rubs my back until I calm down a bit. “Are you going to call him?” She asks quietly. Sniffling I go grab a tissue and splash some cold water on my face.  “I guess I have to, right? God…what am I going to say?” I pace the bathroom floor anxiously biting my fingernails.

“Oh hey Noah, I know we haven’t talked in three months since you left me, again, after drunkenly sleeping together but I’m pregnant!!…that’s INSANE Maggie!”

I can hear the frantic edge in my voice and I accidentally bite too far down on my nail “ow! Fuck! Okay maybe I don’t tell him? That’s not a terrible idea” I say to myself as I throw the tests on the counter into the trash can. 

“Well, that doesn’t seem like a great idea. You have time to figure things out! If you even want to go through with it.” Maggie says and her voice is gentle and comforting. “Like…get rid of it? I don’t know…I don’t know if I could. I just need to think. I need some time.” I wash my hands and stare at myself in the mirror. “I’ll call him I guess, he should know, even if we’re not together.” I say to my reflection and think “how the fuck is this my life.” 

Later that night I’m sitting in my room and reflecting on the past three months since the last time I saw Noah. I was different when he left this time. I didn’t fall into a pit of despair, I went out with Maggie and had a life. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad. But I was also mad. Furious. I was so mad at Noah for leaving and just forgetting me. Like I meant nothing to him. Kyle thankfully never brings it up, he was right after all. Noah just came into my life, dug and planted himself in my heart and then ripped it out and stomped on it..

Things at work and school were great. I’m passing everything with A’s and even made a 100 on my last Econ exam. At work Maggie and I are making amazing tips and we even got a raise. 

Life has been good, so of course the universe has to send me this atomic bomb. Looking down at my still flattish stomach I poke it “why are you doing this to me? Do you have any idea what this means for my life?” I ask the life growing inside me. Groaning, I roll over and grab my phone off the charger. “Just call and get it over with. Rip off the band aid” I say to myself and press the green call button on Noah’s contact page. 

Ring Ring Ring Ring 

*click* 

You must be a witch…he was just lamenting about you and here you are calling his phone 

I’m sorry? Who is this? This is Noah’s phone right?

Yeah, he’s a little busy right now. It’s Alex. Remember me?

Oh um yeah hi, listen I really need to talk to Noah.

 Like right now please, it’s pretty important.

god you're not pregnant are you? Ha!

…..

Oh my god. You’re not. Don’t tell me you’re pregnant. 

…it’s really none of your business. Can you just get Noah please. 

You’ll ruin his life you know? 

His whole career. He will throw it all away for you. 

Is that what you want?

no..I just..he should know. 

He doesn’t have to be involved but he deserves to know. 

Yeah, I know Noah enough to tell he’s not the kind of guy that wouldn’t be there. 

Just end it or keep it but unless you want him to throw everything he’s worked for away don’t tell him. I won’t tell him you called -

Wait- *click*

“That bitch!” I yell into the air. Fuck. I think about texting Nick. I have half the message typed out on my phone and Alex’s words echo in my mind. “You’ll ruin his life. You’ll ruin his career.” Noah would drop everything, but, would he just end up resenting me in the long run for pulling him away from his dreams? Would he resent this baby? I delete the text and throw my phone back down on the bed as hot tears stream down my face. 

“What am I going to do?” I say to myself. I need to come up with a plan. I stare at my ceiling for hours thinking. I can’t have a baby here. My crazy mom as a grandmother? Yeah right, and what then? I just hide being pregnant and then hide the baby? That’s insane. I would need to leave. “Ugh” I throw a pillow at my wall. What the fuck am I going to do?

Maggie didn’t know what to say, she doesn’t want me to leave but also understands why I might want to. I don’t know how to talk to Kyle about it. I don’t know if I want to tell him. Not yet at least. If I leave, do I need to tell anyone? That’s horrible, isn’t it?. 

I trudge through the next week of school and on Friday morning I walk into my guidance counselors office. I’ve been discussing all my after graduation plans with Mr. Montree since sophomore year. Without giving my situation away I ask him about the possibility of getting approved for early graduation. 

“Why so early hon? They’re isn’t much time left in the semester, you’re already halfway there” he tells me and his voice is sweet and smooth. My eyes dart back and forth scanning the pictures and certificates he has hung on the wall. “As soon as possible really, I know the semester is almost up, I just have some personal reasons for needing to graduate now.” I explained to him, I’ve mentioned to him the issues my mom has had so maybe he’ll just assume it has to do with her. Nodding his head he continues typing into the keyboard and checking over my files. “Well Natalie, you’re an incredibly gifted student, you have more than enough credits to graduate. You could have graduated last fall as a matter of fact. But, I want you to be sure of your decisions, this is a big thing. Graduation should be a celebration!” His smile is so warm and welcoming. “I’ve thought about it and what’s best for me is to graduate now. As much as I’d love to be a normal teenager, that’s just not in the cards for me right now.” He gives me a look that makes me nervous, like he knows exactly what I’m talking about but he doesn’t say anything, just smiles again and nods. “Very well hon, I can have the paperwork processed by the end of the day.” I thank him and walk out of the front office. I finish the rest of my day in the art room, gathering my works in progress and other finished pieces I had stored in the room and by the end of the day I’m officially a high school graduate.��At least I have that, if nothing else. I unconsciously place my hand on my stomach, “I guess we have each other little one” I whisper to myself. 

Once I’m home I flop onto my bed and check my email. I have a couple responses from the listings I inquired about. The one I was hoping for responded saying she’d love to offer me the space. “Am I really doing this?” I ask myself. I should try to call Noah again. Taking out my phone I open his contact again and press the call button. 

*beep* *beep* “ we’re sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service.”

Alone then. I’m doing this alone. 

My plan is crazy, it’s reckless, it’s cowardly and it’s possible the only thing I can think to do that will save me from my own heartbreak. I have to leave. I’ll do whatever it takes to give this kid a better chance at happiness, I’ll be the mom I always wished for. I’ll figure out the Noah thing. There’s still time for all of those things to work themselves out. 

I take out my notebook and write a note to Kyle. 

Ky ,

I’m sorry to do this so suddenly. I know we’ve been getting closer and there’s nothing that makes me happier. But I need to leave. In time I will tell you everything. 

Love always, 

Natty

Unexpected tears fall onto the paper and I write one for Maggie as well. None for my Mom. None for my Dad. They haven’t cared about where I was in years, this will be no different. 

Printing out my ticket I finished packing my duffel and backpack with all of the things I could carry, my laptop, as many art supplies as I can fit and that box in the corner of my closet. I take it out and stare at it, I consider throwing it away and then I bury it at the bottom of my bag. I don’t know what will happen to the rest of the stuff in my room, they can throw it all away. I don’t care anymore. 

I take the bus to the Greyhound station and check in for my bus to Austin. Standing at the steps before entering, I pause and look back at the city where it all began. Where I met Noah and fell in love. Where he broke my heart and left me. I take the steps and find a seat towards the back. Ready to take on my new life and protect the new life growing inside me. 

A couple days later the bus is pulling to stop and I exit. Turing around and take in my new city, the air is hot and dry. I have a room rented with an old woman, Gwen, I found her on craigslist and she agreed to meet me at the station to give me a ride. Her grandaughter used to live with her and she wanted to rent out the room to someone for a little extra money. She seemed nice over the phone and I needed a place to stay fast that wasnt too expensive so I could keep looking for a place in the meantime. I didnt tell her I was pregnant, hopefully I’ll be out of her place before I’m showing too much. 

“Hi! Natalie right?” the woman, Gwen, greets me at the front of the station and offers a welcoming hug. “Yes, Hi, Gwen its so nice to meet you.” I say returning the hug. I am strangely emotional. Leaving the insanity that was my childhood home behind and coming to a big new city is already a lot. Add on top of that I’m sixteen weeks pregnant, according to the urgent care doctor I saw before I left, eighteen and dont have a job. That will need to change soon. “Well, I’m sure youre exhausted from that long trip. Lets head home and we will get you settled.” Gwen says and leads me to her car. 

A while later I’m resting in  my new room and I pull out my phone to turn it back on. I powered it off before leaving and have been to nervous until know to turn it on. I have missed texts and calls but I dont address them right now. First I call Kyle. The phone rings a few times before he answers. 

Nat! I’ve been calling and texting, what the hell did you do? You’re leaving school and running away? What the fuck!

I’m sorry Ky

Tears are filling my eyes.

I had to leave, I want to tell you. I cant right now.

Are you okay? What do you mean you cant tell me?

Kyles voice barks out. 

I’m okay Kyle and I didn't leave school. I got my degree, I graduated early so I could leave.

But why did you leave? What happened? Does this have to do with Noah? Are you with him?

It does have to do with him yes, but we aren't together. Kyle, I swear I am okay. I just need to deal this on my own, but I promise I’ll tell you everything soon.

Okay, okay. I’m just worried about you Nat. You’re the last person I’d think would ever run. Maggie wouldnt tell me anything. Does she know?

I know you’re worried Ky, I’m sorry for that. I had to leave, I just had to. Maggie knows but leave her alone, she's done more for me than you will ever know.

Kyle and I continue to talk and I make sure to let him know I’m getting a new number soon.

Weeks fly by and I settle in comfortably, I find a job at coffee shop and I really like it. My coworker Hailey is a few years older and really nice. We’ve become fast friends and she’s shown me around town. We’re hanging out at zilker park one saturday morning and something off is in the air and it hits me. The nausea takes me by surprise and next thing I know I’m leaning over a trash can hurling my guts out. Hailey is rubbing my back as I continue to barf up my breakfast. “Dang, gir! Are you okay? Are you getting sick?” she asks. I reach for my water from the bag I dropped next to me and she helps and hands it to me.

I swish the water in my mouth and spit it out. “I’m something all right.” I say to her and wipe the sweat thats gathering on my forehead. “I’m pregnant.” I tell her and at first she laughs, thinking I was joking and then pauses. “Oh shit, you’re serious.” I nod and we walk over to a bench to sit. “Yeah, i’m serious.” I say and lean my head back to try and ease the spinning in my head. “Is that why you left home? Got knocked up and ran away?” She asks and it doesn't feel like judgement, just genuine curiosity. “Tale as old as time. My boyfriend broke up with me and then we had drunk sex, he left, I found out I was pregnant and now here we are.”

The spinning in my head slows before she speaks again. “Shit, Natalie. You have a plan?” she asks the million dollar question, the one I’ve been asking myself everyday. “Um, well. Save up some more money, find a place to live and find a job I can do from home after I have the baby.” Haylie nods, “okay, I have some friends you should meet. You’re an artist right?” I nod, “My sister works at a female owned tattoo shop, they need a new apprentice, would you want me to mention you to her?” I think about it for a second, that could at least get my foot in the door for a possible career. “Yeah, why not!” I say and then we pick up our things and we walk back to the parking lot so she can give me a ride home. 

Three months later, June. 22 weeks along

“Well honey, I want you to be sure to call me and let me know how you're doing at least every couple weeks. I want to make sure you’re taking good care of yourself and that little angel you’re cooking in there” Gwen smiles at me as Haylie helps me finish cleaning the room I was renting in Gwen’s house. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me Gwen” I reply back as I finish folding the last of my clothes and pack them away. Living with Gwen these last few months has been great, of course I ended up telling her about the baby and she’s been surprisingly supportive, “you will have to be so strong for this child, but if you ever feel the weight of it all is too much you must have people to help you. Call on me when you ever need help” she told me and I don’t know if it was the hormones or just the fact that an older woman was treating me like the mother I’ve craved for so long but I just started sobbing. 

Haylie offered to let me move into her house with her, it’s pretty spacious. Her dad owns it and lets her stay in it for free, pretty good deal if you ask me.  He’s charging me next to nothing and that’s great since I’m taking more hours apprenticing at the shop Haylie set me up with. Haylie doesn’t want him to charge me anything but I didn’t allow that. We’ve become fast friends in these last months. So much of our lives parallel each other’s. She’s super creative, a writer, and she’s working on a book about a magical fae world. It’s amazing and I’ve been inspired to draw again because of it. Her mom is also an alcoholic and took a lot of the attention away from her growing up.

Her dad’s trying to make up for it now, showering her with money and gifts. We differ a little bit there, my dad didn’t notice for weeks I was gone and then practically strangled the information out of Kyle. He got my number called to check in, rather furiously and I was able to diffuse him slightly. Of course keeping out the pregnancy part, he would flip and probably hunt Noah down for sport. 

Apprenticing has also been going great. Haylie’s sister, Rachel, let me start on a trial basis and I ended up getting along with all of them so well they offered me the spot permanently. Anna, the owner, opened the shop with the intention of creating a safe environment for women to get tattooed. I think she also took a little pity on me, she also had a kid when she was a teenager. She told me that after the baby is born I can bring them in until I figure out daycare. 

Maggie and I talk almost everyday and I constantly send her updates about the baby. She still hasn’t told Kyle but he’s apparently going by the coffee shop a lot to see her. At first it was to ask about me but now it sounds like he’s just liking her company. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about it but they seem happy as friends and that’s good I guess. Kyle needs a good friend. 

July. 27 weeks along

I’ve told Haylie all about Noah so when she finds out his band will be in town for a show she’s telling me I have to try again to see him. “You’re saying he doesn’t know and from everything you’ve told me he sounds like an idiot that thought he was doing what he thought was best for you. He’s obviousl still in love with you. You should try, just once more” she implores and I begrudgingly agree. “I’ll go, just to see if we can talk but this is going to be a shock, he could be pissed.” Haylie rolls her eyes, “if he’s pissed at you, lll punch his face in, deal?” I laugh and accept her terms. 

Later that night we’re in a smoke filled venue full of rowdy drunk people and I’m ready to leave. Haylie helps me navigate towards a safe corner while we wait for the music to begin. I wish I was here for any other reason, just to see an old friend, or just seeing a random band play. Not to see Noah, for the first time in months, pregnate and surprising him at his show. This is crazy, “We should leave,” I say in a panic and move to stand up and just then they call for his band to go on I feel every bone in my body buckle, every nerve on edge. I’m frozen and then they start playing and everything around me is blown away, like dusk. Through the smoke filled room my eyes are glued onto Noah and his voice as they sing new songs I haven’t heard before. For a second I could swear our eyes met. 

The set is over before I know it and Haylie is eyeing me cautiously as I just sit there, stuck in my seat for several minuets. “Well, he’s done. Are you going to go find him?” She asks. I’m thrown back into my body and notice tears have fallen, “god, I’m so sick of crying!” I exclaim as I stand up to try and find where the green room is and wipe my face clean. I notice the manager of the band they’re touring with standing outside a door with an “employees only” sign.

“Hey! Kevin right? I’m a friend of Nicholas and Noah’s, could I just sneak back there to see them really quick?” I ask in the sweetest voice I can muster. He looks me up and down, notices my stomach and I can see wheels turning in my eyes.“Hi….. yeah, Noah’s a little busy right now. But I’m sure He’ll be ready for round two as soon as he’s finished up” he says and then has the audacity to wink at me. Fucking slime ball.

Does Noah really have some girl back there? That’s why he wanted to break up? So he could just be free to sleep with whoever he wanted to while he was on the road.

I’m frozen in place, I don’t even say anything to Kevin I just turn and rush out of the venue with Haylie calling after me. She reaches me outside and I just bury my head into her shoulder as sobs take over me. I’ve been crying a lot lately. These last few weeks my emotions are all over the place and seeing Noah sing, hearing he’s just fucking any other girl that comes around. It’s to much for me. 

September 17, 2013

“Give me my phone! Please I need to call Kyle. I can’t believe this is happening!” I cry as another contraction hits and I crumble over in pain. Haylie was with me at home when my water broke and rushed me to the hospital. I’m just waiting now, only 5 centimeters dilated and the contractions are killing me. “You want to call him right now?” She asks as she hands me my phone.. “Yes, I need him to know. Incase- incase anything happens” I dial his number and try to breathe through the pain. 

ring ring ring

“Hey Nat! What’s up?”

“Uuuuhhhg fuuck! This fucking hurts Haylie. What the FUCK!”

I take a deep breath again,

“Kyle, there’s something I need to tell you” 

“Nat? Are you okay? why does it sound like you’re in pain” 

“I am, fuck. I am in so much pain right now. That’s why I called.”

“Natty?? Are you okay?? What happened?” 

“Ky, don’t be mad. Please.”

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

“I'm having a baby”

“You’re pregnant?! You never even mentioned you were seeing someone” 

“No- no Kyle. You don’t understand. I'm having a baby. Like right now.”

“owwwwee Fuck!”

He’s quiet for a long time and I try to keep my heartbeat down and focus on my breathing like my doctor said. 

“You’re having a baby? Right now?”

“Yes, Ky. I’m having a baby. Right now” 

“Whos baby Natalie.”

“He doesn’t know, I’ve tried to tell him Ky, I just- it’s just not going to work out. It’s fine. I’ll be okay. But I wanted my brother to know he’s about to be an Un-FUCK!”

I cry as the next contractions hits even faster than before. 

“That’s 5 minutes!” Haylie calls out, “we need the doctor! He said that means the baby is coming!” She scrambles and runs out of the room hollering for a doctor. 

“Kyle- Kyle I have to go. The baby is coming. Come visit soon please. Bring Maggie. I love you” 

“Wait Natalie, don’t hang up! w-wait. Does Maggie know?!”

“I have to go!” 

*click*

After three hours of pushing and crying and screaming I’m holding my daughter in my arms. “Will you take a picture of us?” I ask Haylie and she grabs my polaroid from the bag I packed for the hospital. I look down at the sweet baby, wrapped tightly in a soft pink blanket and I kiss her head. “My sweet Erin, I will always be there for you, no matter what.” I kiss her forehead and then hug her softly against my chest as Haylie snaps a picture. “So cute” she comments as she shakes the film and hands it to me. “Shes the most precious thing, I can’t believe I’m a mom.” my voice shakes a little at the end and Haylie shootches me over in the bed and sits next to me, pulling me into her and wrapping Erin and I close. “You’ll be the best mom ever, and I’ll be auntie Hales. I’m with ya for it all.” I lean into her and sigh, “Thank you for everything Haylie, I think she’s got a shot at a pretty good life.” I say and we both look down at her sleeping face, “I’m going to write Noah, one last try can’t hurt right? I don’t want him to miss her life, look at her, she’s everything.” 

I sent the letter. Weeks went by and I heard nothing. Everything I have left is for my daughter now.

I have to let him go.

Meanwhile………

NOAH POV

“What do you mean you’re going to use it? It’s our song, you can’t just use it.” I seethe at Alex, the snake in disguise as it would seem. “Oh but don’t you see Noah? I can” she taunts. “You signed the contract to join our label, that means that your intellectual property belongs to the label. Songs, demos, art, merch….the label owns it and you get a percentage. Y’all signed the papers…maybe you should have read it.”

I stand up and slam my hands on the table “that’s bullshit Alex! I didn’t sign anything that would have allowed that!”

I argue with her and she tuts and Julius, our drummer, interjects “yeah, I signed that.” I turn to him dumbfounded. “What the fuck? Why would you sign that shit without us dude? That’s not how the band fucking works.” I say and hit Nicholas across the chest, “dude are you going to say anything?” I ask him exasperated.

“The contract? It’s only for Iron Vendetta right?” Nicholas asks Alex and she shrugs, “yeah” she huffs out annoyed. Nicholas stands up and adjusts his jacket, “then I fucking quit. And so does Noah” he adds and I can’t help but nod slowly. “Yeah, fuck this shit Alex. I’d rather start all over again than be attached to you and your shitty label!” Alex laughs, “you’re both replaceable, just because you quit doesn’t mean Iron Vendetta is done.”

I took at Mikey and Julius, “keep the band. I don’t really care, if this is what y’all want then have at it. I'm not about to be owned by some soul sucking bitch.” Nicholas and I gather the rest of our stuff and leave the studio.

“What the fuck are we going to do now?” I ask Nicholas as we walk aimlessly towards my car. “You could try to get your life together? You’ve been fucking miserable lately and I know it’s because you miss Natalie and you know you made a mistake.” My head falls into my hands and I let out a loud groan, “uuuuhhg I know Nick, okay. I know, but I fucked it all up. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I can’t even call her, I tried. She changed her number” I grumble out and he nods. “We could just head home while we figure everything out? You can talk to her in person instead?” It’s a good idea. We can crash at Nick's parents house while we put together something new, something even better than Iron Vendetta. Hopefully something with a better name. 

The drive home is quick and I think Nick was happy to have some down time while we figured out our next moves. He said that he’s heard about some guys he thinks we would work well with. I let him take the lead with that for now, I only have on thing on my mind. I want to see Natalie and try to win her back. I drive to her house, stopping to grab some flowers before, thats what guys are always doing in those cheesy romance movies.

Driving up to her house I’m nervous, I hope she will just talk to me and let me do everything I can to win her back but when I pull up to park theres a “for sale” sign in the front yard with a giant “sold” sticker stuck to it. “What the fuck,” I whisper to myself as I step out of the car and walk closer to the house. The windows are open and I see the house is empty inside. I can’t believe they sold their house.

Maybe she’s at work so next I head to the coffee shop. I take a moment to prepare myself before I open the door and when I do I recognize two faces. I see Maggie, Natalies best friend and I see Hunter, the guy she was dancing with at the New Years Eve party. Maggie looks up and when she see’s me a panic look crosses her eyes. “Noah..you shouldnt be here.” she says and I’m confused. “What?” I ask and walk towards the order counter. “You should leave, Kyle is on his way over now and he will absolutely freak if he sees you.” she warns and I roll my eyes. “Kyle isn’t who I’m worried about. Where is Natalie?” I ask as I hear the door jingle signaling someone else entering the cafe. Maggies eyes dart away so I ask again, “Maggie, just please tell me. Where is Natalie?” 

A dark laugh sneaks in from behind before saying, “are you fucking serious with this shit God? Are you testing me?” I turn around to see Kyle as just arrived and I couldn’t have worse timing. “She’s gone. Asshole. G-O-N-E.”

What. “Gone? What do you mean gone? Where did she go?” I ask, turning between Kyle and Maggie while Hunter just laughs and walks away muttering something about taking his break. “I mean, you fucking prick, is that after you ripped my sisters heart out and stomped on it she graduated in the middle of the semester, dropped everything and left.” Kyles voice is full of venom and I flinch at his tone. “Where did she go?” I ask cautiously. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” his voices slices and he erases the distance between us with a few steps. “I should beat the shit out of you.” Kyle says and Maggie rounds the counter and stands between us. “Stop Kyle, she wouldn’t want you to do this right now,” she addresses kyle first and then turns to me. “You should just leave Noah, I think you’ve dont enough damage for one life time,” her voice isnt even mean or angry when she says it, just disappointed.

“Please, I love her. I just want to talk to her.” the words leave my mouth and they’re still for a moment until I feel a solid weight hitting my chin and I fall back on my ass. “Do not ever claim to love my sister again. Just forget about her, shes doing her best to forget about you.” I hold my chin as it throbs in pain and Maggie just looks at me like I’m a sad, pathetic lost soul. “Just go Noah. She’s gone and she’s not coming back.” 

I walk back out of the coffee shop, defeated and alone. She’s gone. The girl I love is gone and her brother just punched me in the face. 

Stumbling throught the next couple weeks I feed my depression with 40’s, beer and vodka. One morning Nick comes into his room and dumps a bucket of ice water on my face and I gasp awake. “What the fuck!” I yelp as my eyes spring open.

“Get up Noah” Nicholas says and rips the blankets on the ground. “There are a couple guys coming to practice today. So pull yourself together and get ready.” 

I wipe the water from my face and finish stumbling out of bed, trying ot shake the hangover from my head. I walk towards the bathroom to shower off. I turn on the hot water and let it wash away the pain and sadness that has been eating away at me.

I have to figure out how to get over Natalie and move forward. “Who are the guys you invited.” I ask from the shower. “A guy named Nick Folio on drumbs and this swedish guy, Joakim on guitar. Hes a little older, but he’s played in a band before.” 

Alright, I guess my fresh start begins now.

and that is the end of part one besties !! I hope you enjoyed and I am sorry for the delay in the last update!

Part II will kick off in the new year!

page divider from here!

next chapter ->

[1-up-chump]

Sorry if this request is too horrible. Is it possible for a reader who is completely broken morally, because no one has ever fallen in love with them or shown signs of attention? (Kuai, Fujin and Hanzo are in love with the reader)

Nah im fine with angst! But its gonna be a positive outcome bc in this house we value healing no matter how messy or long it takes!

Reader who feels broken from lack of love and affection in life.

Sub-zero/kuai:

He can emphasize with you to a degree. His upbringing in the lin kuei reinforced this idea that love is an obstacle, that the only thing that matters is the mission and loyalty. But kuai always knew even from a young age that love only strengthens the bond of loyalty, he loved his fellow brothers in arm and his blood brother bi-han no matter how much the lin kuei tried to whip it out of him.

But he understands that he had the luxury of having someone. You did not, in a different way your path had given you so many trials that would break weaker wills. But you were not strong, you were tired, hollow. Kuai saw your broken soul and was reminded of his brother, bi-han. But unlike bi-han who returned from the grave shrouded in darkness. You were well alive, physically.

Kuai tries his best to give you advice. He shows you that love doesn't mean a romantic attraction, you can find love in family and friendship. And you develop a strong friendship with kuei during your time together doing missions for the lin kuei and protecting earthrealm. Despite the aloof coldness of the cryomancer, he has given you a warmth you never even fathomed feeling. Even in the bitter cold of snow, the Aurora borealis reflects a light that brings heaven to earth.

Fujin:

While he has not seen many mortals as his brother raiden has trained, he has seen enough of what the trials and tribulations of mortal kombat can do to even the toughest of warriors. But this, this was something that made the winds stand too still.

Fujin could feel how lonely your soul was, the despair and hopelessness. Fujin not only wanted to give you hope out of the goodness of his being, but saw as a great test of his own wisdom. The wind god is persistent in showing you that life is so mysterious and expansive that it's impossible that there is not at least one being out there that loves you. That love is complex and is something that not only brings you joy, but peace and growth. Fujin knows that this will take time for you to understand, let alone get used to.

Along the way your relationship with fujin developed and grew, while you still felt broken, you also felt the itch that comes with healing. And while it was frustrating, it was also rewarding. Soon you realized you did love again, it came so naturally you didn't think twice. You fell in love with fujin, because fujin loved you in the same way. Working together, fighting alongside each other, it felt as if you and fujin had been together for centuries. The moment you two realize while holding hands in a tree relaxing, it was unceremonious. Because the moment you two realized, you shrugged it off because it just felt right. And sometimes love is just so mundane you could only ever realize it until it was gone.

Scorpion/hanzo hasashi:

The grandmaster knew how you felt, although for him it was more of what he lost, unlike you who had never known. Hanzo once thought he could never love the same way he loved harumi, satoshi. But then he met you, destiny had made your paths cross. Another shirai ryu trainee, who excelled quickly. But hanzo could sense that your passions burned steadily like eternal embers, never catching flame.

For what he had loved and lost, he found anew in growing his clan back from the ashes. But for you, you needed to tended to, your flames stoked and sparked into fire. For fleeting moments during times of meditation together after training hard, you felt a flame of admiration for grandmaster hanzo become more than one has admiration for a master. And for hanzo hasashi, this feeling was mutual.

Perhaps the heated kiss he started during one training session was inappropriate. But you returned the feeling, this warmth you had sparked something in you. When hanzo pulled away apologizing, you missed the warmth of his body, the meaning behind his lips against yours. You knew then and there that this fire kept you alive, for the first time you felt alive. And maybe it was the adrenaline of sparring, maybe the sudden shock of your master kissing you. But you didn't care to overthink, you threw yourself back into his arms and returned the kiss. To others this looked almost fairytale like, but to the two of you? You were just relieved to find a place of belonging. Regardless if these feelings developed further, the passionate love you shared during the moment was very much real.

(Hope you're doing ok anon! Remember to go easy on yourself and take things one at a time. And love isn't defined like in the movies, its a complicated thing to describe what love is since it can be many things at once)

[kpopimagi]

A Flower Under The Rain [Part 13]

Characters: Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Kang Gyuri (OC) Genre: Angst, Romance Au: Hanahaki!Au  Type: Series  Word count: 4,208

It all began with a cough and then, a subtle sting in her chest. Kang Gyuri cried, knowing that in a matter of months, she would be another figure in the death toll of the most dangerous and cruelest outbreak in human history.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8-1 | Part 8-2 | Part 9 | Part 10-1 | Part 10-2 | Part 11-1 | Part 11-2 | Part 12

Baekhyun had been crying for so long that he felt dry and exhausted. When the doctors came into the room and practically snatched her body out of his arms, he couldn’t do anything else but watch them work on her. He had begged them to do something. He tried to let them know. They had to do something.

Someone pushed him out of the room as people in blue surgical gowns carried Gyuri back to the bed. He couldn’t see much after that. Someone hugged him as he cried, and he held on to those comforting arms until he couldn’t cry anymore. After that, time just flew by as he stayed in the same corner for God knows how long, too tired to move.

Slowly, the blaring machines went silent, and minute after minute, the voices from the doctors also quieted down until the hallway was in a sinking silence that was oddly foreboding. Eventually, they came out of the room, and one of them, the impossibly handsome one, approached the parents.

“She’s alright for now.” The doctor said with a grave look on his face, “We all know that she should’ve died. We have seen it, and you have heard the stories, but despite all that, her heart did not give out, which is something unheard of.”

Baekhyun and Gyuri’s parents perked up at that. They wanted to hold onto the smallest sliver of hope; however, the doctor delivered more bad news than good, making them all slouch back in their places in despair as he explained the assortment of tests they had to run and samples they had to harvest from her already mangled body.

Baekhyun had been silently tearing up in the corner, mewling things over and over in his head. He tried to understand why he screwed everything up. When did he do it? Then he heard a male nurse walk down the hallway, pushing a cart full of medical equipment that almost looked like torture tools. The handsome doctor was following, and they looked at him with curiosity.

“What’s all that for?” Baekhyun asked.

“We’re taking some samples.” The doctor said.

Baekhyun simply stared at them in disbelief, and the way they just kept going as if it were any other day, when he could still listen to her painful screams inside his head.

“You can not do that.” He interjected, “She’s in pain right now.”

The nurse looked over his shoulder at the handsome doctor, and the knowing look in his eyes was more than revealing. As if in a queue, they heard Gyuri complain on the other side of the door, and Baekhyun was on his feet in an instant.

“You won’t run any more tests,” he said, finally making them hesitate.

“She insisted.” The doctor explained.

“Of course she did.” Baekhyun said, rolling his eyes, which made the nurse and the doctor give him a weirded-out look. “She can be very stubborn, you know.”

“I’d say strong-willed,” the doctor added.

The knowing, sad smile on the doctor’s face calmed Baekhyun in a way he couldn’t understand at all. It seemed to him that the man had had his fair share of dealing with his best friend and knew that Gyuri could be a handful if she set her mind to it. He had dealt with it himself for years, and he saw it in the doctor’s face as well.

“Can I come in?” Baekhyun said, letting out a sigh.

As if the doctor were expecting nothing less from him, he agreed and ordered the nurse to give him the instructions to follow during the procedure. Once again, Baekhyun found himself stepping into the room, dressed up in surgical gear from head to toe.

Gyuri was lying on her side with her back to the door, making it the very first thing he saw. The open wound was bleeding with the smallest tremors of her body and with every labored breath that came from her small figure. 

The doctor and the nurse greeted her so loudly and so carefreely that Baekhyun halted for a split second, unsure of what to do. It was the moment they let her know that he was there that Gyuri seemed to come alive. She moved, as if trying to sit in the search for him, making the skin around whatever was growing from her back tear the flesh open more. Instinctively flinching at how painful it looked, he was by her bedside before she could hurt herself more.

“Am I dead?” She asked, smiling softly at him.

“Nope,” Baekhyun replied, exaggerating the sound so his voice wouldn’t break as he gently nudged her back in the bed. "It turns out you’re quite tough.”

Gyuri chuckled, the innocuous movement making her instantly wince in pain, and Baekhyun fussed over her in response. He grabbed her hand and, as softly as he could, brushed his fingers through her hair, wishing he could take her pain away.

“Does it hurt?” Baekhyun asked, still trying to pacify her while mentally face-palming himself with the level of stupidity in his question.

And yet, she nodded as tears streamed down the side of her face, twisted in pain. The little whimper that came out of her broke his heart.

“I’m here now,” Baekhyun said, leaning closer so she could only hear him, “and I won’t leave.”

As if on cue, the doctor announced that they would begin with the procedure, and Baekhyun watched the gigantic needles the nurse prompted to the doctor, and in an urge of panic, he just diverted his attention to her hand and her knuckles covered in scabs.

“You’ll feel pressure on your back and then a crack,” the doctor warned. “I’ll try to be as fast as possible, so hang in there, alright?”

Gyuri nodded, and the crack of bones was immediate. She flinched, squeezing his hand, and Baekhyun found himself flinching just as much. He whispered whatever came to his mind to keep hers out of the procedure when he noticed something he had never seen before. 

"Uhm, doctor?" He said, unsure of how to even explain it, “Something is happening.”

"We're almost done." The doctor replied, his attention entirely focused on her back.

"I bet, but she's crying."

"You're doing great, Gyuri." The doctor assured her, his entire body completely still, "We're about to finish."

"They're white," Baekhyun said, making the doctor and the nurse look at him. "Her tears are white."

It was fast, but he saw the glint of surprise in the doctor’s eyes behind his face shield, but a flash of unweavering determination instantly replaced it. The doctor and the nurse resumed their work, and when they were done with the pipes, as if nothing unexpected had happened, the doctor went around the bed and focused on her face. Without any exchange of words, Baekhyun scrambled up to his feet and stepped aside to give the doctor some room, but Gyuri's fingers were constricted around his hand, not letting him go.

"Don't worry, I'm still here," he whispered, squeezing her fingers back.

Once the nurse labeled all the previous samples, Baekhyun observed the doctor scooping the white tears off her face, flashing a light into her eyes, and asking Gyuri things about the sensation behind her eyeballs as he gently dipped his fingers across her features as if looking for something while the nurse recorded everything with a cellphone.

When they were done, the doctor gave some instructions that only the nurse understood, and he went into full operational mode. He prepared a new bag of fluids and changed it, as well as injecting something else into her IV. Baekhyun watched every movement like a hawk, as if he knew a thing about what was going on.

"I'll give you a nice cocktail of sugary fluids to rehydrate you and painkillers so you can rest for a few hours. What does that sound like?" The nurse said with a tender smile.

His tone was so amicable that Gyuri found it reassuring but too exhausted to reciprocate the tone; she only nodded, closing her eyes and holding Baekhyun’s hand even tighter. However, the peaceful moment was broken in an instant when she hissed. The sound was so foreign for Baekhyun that he just stared at her body, seemingly coming back to life. She cried out, almost sitting up while rubbing a hand over her forearm. Unfazed, the nurse returned to the IV and adjusted the nubs. The quick fix seemed to work because Gyuri calmed down quite instantly, relaxing again on the bed.

"Jongdae," the doctor said with a hard tone no one had heard before. "Be careful. No more mistakes."

The doctor expected an apology, but the nurse didn't even move. He called him once again, his tone harsher, and Baekhyun simply looked to one and the other, not knowing what to expect.

"But it wasn't a mistake." Nurse Jongdae finally mumbled, with a deep frown on his face. "I used the same drip count as usual."

As if knowing the nurse was onto something, the handsome doctor grabbed the chart from the cart and read through it with a frown. Then they started an exchange of questions and answers that neither Gyuri nor Baekhyun understood.

"Are you sure about it?" He asked, his face twisting just like the nurse.

"Positive." The nurse said.

"What's wrong?" Gyuri asked, opening her eyes, and they could see the fright in them.

"We'll have to take another blood sample." The doctor said while still reading the chart.

"She asked what was wrong," Baekhyun said, getting closer without letting her hand go.

"It felt like something burned inside your arm, didn't it?" Nurse Jongdae asked with a light-hearted tone, preparing for the new sample. 

Gyuri nodded, and the nurse gently asked her to let Baekhyun's hand go. Just like he did before, he assured her that he wasn't going anywhere, and finally, she let him go.

"The IV was dropping into your system, but your veins couldn't handle it." The nurse explained as he prepared her arm to take the sample, "It felt like they were about to pop, right?"

"Is that something you can feel?" Baekhyun wondered out loud, scandalized, "Veins can burst open?"

"Vein shrinking isn't in itself bad," the doctor added, observing the nurse fill the tube with her blood. "There are many reasons why it could happen, but never on such short notice. That's why we need the sample to see what is causing it."

Baekhyun had a million questions, but as if that uncertain answer was enough, Gyuri closed her eyes and nodded. Suddenly, she looked way too frail, too pale, and too defeated, and Baekhyun understood, just with a glimpse of her small body sinking into the bed, that she didn't need all the answers or good news about her condition. She let out a soft sigh and let the painkillers take her away for a while. Feeling the back of his eyes burning, Baekhyun swallowed back the powerlessness and went back to his place next to her. He grabbed her hand again, whispered to her to have a good sleep, and stayed there until she drifted away.

It wasn’t that long before Baekhyun couldn’t handle the sound of the beeping machines and the nauseous smell anymore. The shock and adrenaline wore off, and the exhaustion finally started to kick in while his cellphone kept buzzing in his pocket. All of that and the heaviness in his limbs made him want to leave the room, lay down, and sleep for days.

Once he made sure Gyuri was completely under the medication, he stepped out of the room and found the nurse restocking the supply cart by the door. Without asking, the nurse helped him out of the surgical gear, and once free of it, he felt lost and clueless.

“Hey, what’s happening to her?” Baekhyun asked, unable to move. 

“Didn’t Kyungsoo tell you?” The nurse asked instead as he resumed his restocking duties.

The silence that followed was deafening. Baekhyun stayed rooted in his spot, and he wanted to reply, but he was even more lost than before. He didn’t know what was happening other than that Gyuri was dying. When the nurse noticed the lack of response, he dropped what he was doing to consider him, making Baekhyun feel exposed under his scrutiny. 

“I can’t really disclose that type of information.” The nurse said.

However, Baekhyun did not react. He just waited for the guy to give him at least some sort of answer. Realizing the guy wouldn’t drop the subject until he got an explanation, the nurse let out a tired sigh.

“Just wait here.”

The nurse left him without a word, and still kind of dazed by the rapidity of everything, Baekhyun waited in the same spot, afraid of moving, until the doctor, who in his opinion was way too handsome to be a doctor, came out of the office and greeted him with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He led Baekhyun to another tiny room where a bunch of beeping monitors were set up, and it took him a minute to realize that all those monitors were cameras recording Gyuri from every angle and keeping up with her vitals.

“I’m Doctor Kim,” the doctor introduced himself as he moved a couple of chairs for them to sit in, “and I’ll be in charge of taking care of Gyuri.”

Baekhyun bowed his head and looked at the monitors; some showed a fast-sleeping Gyuri, and others focused on the damned thing sticking out of her back.

“This looks like a lab experiment taken out of a sci-fi movie.” Baekhyun pointed it out, but the doctor didn’t seem to get offended.

“She signed up for the research program on the disease.” Dr. Kim said with a serious expression, and Baekhyun lowered his head, feeling his eyes burning.

“And you brought me here to watch her die?” Baekhyun finally snapped, rubbing the tears from his eyes. “Is that it?”

“We brought you here because we believe you might have some answers to her pain.” The doctor said.

“I thought the curse was incurable.” Baekhyun gasped, another tiny speck of hope lighting up in his chest once again.

“It still is,” the doctor said with a sigh as he looked at the monitors, “but her body is reacting to the disease in a way no one has ever seen before.”

“And you need me to know why,” Baekhyun added.

Dr. Kim nodded, expecting to find more resistance from the guy, but there was nothing else to discuss. Baekhyun didn’t need any convincing. He was ready.

“Let’s do it.” He said, feeling braver than he had ever felt in his entire life. “I’m in, or whatever it is for you to take samples of my blood and all that stuff. I want to do it.”

What had happened to Kyungsoo in the last few hours was a complete blur to him. His memories all blended together, from Minseok carrying him to blurry faces coming in and out of his vision. Then alarms were blaring. People argued. His heart was sinking. His world kept falling apart. The walls crashed down on him. Jolting himself awake, Kyungsoo opened his eyes and looked around. He recognized his bearings, as in one of the guest rooms on the second floor of the house. He placed a hand on his chest, making sure there were no roots moving underneath his skin, but nothing felt out of place. His body felt just as heavy, and his heart thumped just as hard, just as steady. Everything was alright.

It wasn’t dark outside anymore. The sky was bright, and sunlight was seeping into the room, welcoming a new day. It was a bright new day, and Kyungsoo wondered if he was dead. His head pounded when he sat up straight, feeling sick to his stomach. The discomfort made him groan, and his throat burned, coarse for some reason.

“Good morning.” A known voice said.

Kyungsoo looked up to find Junmyeon there, reading something from a folder in one hand and holding a cup of coffee in the other. His voice was stern, and putting the folder down on his lap, the doctor rubbed a hand over his eyes and furrowed brows. He looked exhausted.

“What happened?” Kyungsoo asked, clearing his throat.

“You had a good old panic attack.” He said, observing him.

“What?” Kyungsoo couldn’t hide his surprise. “No, I felt it grow, hyung. It was growing again.”

“You’re clean.” Junmyeon said, with a smile, albeit small and disappointed, “Other than the normal traces of chlorophyll in your blood levels like everyone else with the disease has, there are no roots, no dormant anomalous cells, nothing out of the ordinary as far as we can see. I would even dare to say that you’re as healthy as you could possibly be.” 

Kyungsoo felt his body getting instantly lighter and pressed both hands against his chest in disbelief that there was nothing foreign in there. He had spent years in the dark about the curse, fearing it would come back to claim his life when he least expected it, only to discover that he was okay. He was safe. 

Junmyeon wouldn’t lie about something like that. If he said he was cured, he knew he should believe it. But he couldn’t believe it. He rubbed his hands across his chest, expecting to feel the roots slowly spreading beneath his skin like he did years before, but there was nothing. All he felt  was his flesh, sensitive and alive, and his heart was unweavering despite his worst fears and nightmares. His eyes blurred with all the years of unshed tears and contained hopes, and everything finally seemed to burst in a sudden wave of joy. 

A bliss that did not last.

His happiness wouldn't be complete if she wasn’t there. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he relished in the relief she couldn’t get, and as fast as all of his emotions exploded, everything in him sank in worry. If he could beat it, so would she, and he would not be at ease until she was safe as well.

“How’s Gyuri?” He asked, and all of his senses suddenly became clear and sharp.

“Out of danger,” Junmyeon said, his entire posture changing, “for now.”

When Baekhyun accepted to be part of the research on the disease, he never imagined that said involvement meant being in an empty office, signing NDAs, reading contracts, and answering questionnaires. Once done with all the paperwork and rubbing the tiredness off his eyes, he was taken to a room on the second floor where he could clean himself and rest for a moment until the new shift would officially admit him into the program and finally begin with the research.

Struggling to keep his eyes open, Baekhyun noticed the two beds. He halted, observing the perfectly done bed and then the second one, which had clearly been used quite recently. He was too tired to care and dragged his feet to the washroom to take a shower. He hadn’t realized just how exhausted he was until he laid down on the freshly made bed and fell asleep almost immediately. Sometime later, a nurse knocked at his door and guided him back through the main hallway. They were about to reach the small office where he had spent several hours already when the suspicious penguin-faced accountant came out, dressed in a hospital gown and dragging an IV stand along.

“Wow, is he part of the research as well?” Baekhyun asked the nurse.

However, he got no answer as the guy walked past without even giving them a glance, and he was long gone before the nurse could even begin to explain.

“Wait a second, is he sick as well?” Baekhyun whispered loudly, his mind fully working after a good nap. “Was it Gyuri?”

“I can’t disclose that information.” The nurse replied as they reached the door to Gyuri’s room.

Baekhyun would’ve tried to pry the information out of her, most likely using his charms to get any juicy details on his best friend’s new, shady boyfriend, but getting back to the place where she was made him forget about it in a second. Those details lost all their value when the nurse handed him a brand new face mask and opened the door to let him into the room that looked nothing like the place he remembered from hours before.

Gyuri was still under the medication, but the bed and all of her beeping machines were moved further left to make some room for another bed. His bed, and just like hers, there were cameras and machines around it, as if on a grand stage, ready to record every little one of his movements.

Hesitant, Baekhyun went into the room, looking over at Gyuri and her small figure, barely giving any signs of life. He was about to walk over when the nurse pulled a curtain in his way, creating a divide between him and her.

“Let’s get you settled first, and once she's out of it, you’ll have time to talk to her.” The nurse said with forced politeness.

Leading him toward the second bed, Baekhyun followed the instructions, and in no time, he was wearing a hospital gown, laying down on a hospital bed, with an IV on his arm and another half a dozen monitors connected to his body. The smell wasn’t nearly as strong as before, but it was now mixed with what he guessed were cleaning chemicals that made it revolt in a different kind of way.

Suddenly, he wanted to call his parents. He felt the urge to talk to them, to tell them how much he loved them, to say his goodbyes, but then reminded himself that he couldn’t say a word about this. With the nurse gone and left with the only company of the sounding machinery around him, his mind started to reel with theories. Granted, he had never been part of something of the sort, but he knew all the NDAs were not normal. He also knew the shady accountant had something to do with it all, but his train of thought was cut off. The door opened, and then an unusual silence followed, which made Baekhyun close his eyes and pretend to be asleep. There was no need for that, but the soft sound of the footsteps of whoever came into the room made him do it. The nurses he had seen so far were loud and lively, as if their noise could cheer their only patient up to wellness. However, this person was too cautious and too quiet. He wanted to open an eye to see who it was when he heard the sound of the curtain between him and Gyuri being pushed aside. 

There was no greeting and no questions, just a heavy silence that was almost unbearable, and when his patience almost ran out, the curtain fell back in place and the person walked away. Relieved and holding his breath, Baekhyun opened his eyes. He was alone on his sterile side of the room and stayed still, trying his hardest to listen to what was happening on the other side of the curtain, but his curiosity eventually got the best of him. Baekhyun stretched an arm as far as all the wires stuck to his skin allowed him to and gently nudged the curtain aside just enough to peek out.

The accountant was there, propped on Gyuri’s bed, gently brushing her hair out of her face. She didn’t react, of course, but the guy didn’t seem to mind as he held her hand between his with the utmost care before leaning closer to press his forehead against her temple.

“I brought him here for you.” The guy said.

His words were a mere whisper that rang so loudly in the otherwise silent room that Baekhyun was afraid everything could be heard, even his heartbeat. He could even feel it ringing in his ears.

“You can’t leave now.” The accountant continued. “Please.”

Baekhyun saw the guy kiss the side of her head, and in a burst of shyness, he slowly put the curtain back in place, feeling his cheeks burning. As if he had intruded in one of the most intimate moments of the couple, Baekhyun wished he hadn’t seen or heard what happened, but the gentleness in the guy’s actions was quite impossible to forget. 

Finding himself frustrated once again by the penguin-faced accountant, Baekhyun rolled to his side in a huff and pushed every nice thought he had about the guy. Because no matter how nice he could be to Gyuri, he was convinced there was something shady about him. Something so big, even Gyuri tried her best to hide, and Baekhyun had to close his eyes to stop his mind from derailing even further. Because it didn’t matter what great mistery the guy could hide. All that mattered to him was to do his best for Gyuri. And if that meant he had to get along with him, he would.

He would do anything.

For Gyuri, he would.

So... Why do I keep making Baekhyun more and more flawed? Ayyyy....Don't hate him too much please, he doesn't know any better 😅  Anyway, we're in the last stretch of the story. Just a couple of chapters left and this will be over. If you're still here, reading this story and reading through this ending note, please leave a comment with what you think will happen next. I have a few loose ends that I still don't know how to settle so I would like to hear your thoughts on this. So just as I say every time, Thank you!

[missingmywing]

So as per usual for me and fics, this will be long. Ryomina is fun and has a lot to play with. (Ao3 link)

Day 1: First Meeting/Childhood Friends

I’m playing fast and loose with canon and the actual lore behind Nyx, because as much as I like FFVII I don’t want to just write Jenova 2.0. So my lore is that she is a being of the collective unconscious like the other “gods” in Persona, she’s just much, much more powerful because death is an inescapable, tangible thing that happens rather than an intangible concept.

Also Erebus isn’t… a thing. I understand and respect what the team was going for with how they did Nyx and Erebus with The Answer, but it makes things more convoluted than necessary for my preferences. Humanity’s despair and wish for death doesn’t need a tangible form - Nyx can sense it directly and her radar lights up red when she’s called for directly (thanks Kandori, thanks Kirijo) and that’s what makes her active. Minato’s seal acts like a buffer or a muffler - an interference so she can’t hear herself being called (unless it’s particularly direct). Because you can’t kill death - and even if you could you shouldn’t because unconditional immortality is a very bad idea- and I’m getting off track. Point is I’m making P3 consistent with the lore of the rest of the series rather than “it was aliens, actually”. P2 subverted that, P3 can’t just turn around and play it straight while hiding it under a mountain of conditional lore.

Also exploring Minato as a freshly traumatized child is a fascinating exercise. Newly nihilistic six year old has not realized he’s nihilistic yet because everyone is still assuming the apathy towards everything is a normal trauma response. He and Death have such an interesting dynamic as they both learn.

FINDING OUT HALFWAY THROUGH THIS THAT IT WAS APPARENTLY RECENTLY CONFIRMED THAT TATSUMI PORT ISLAND IS SUPPOSED TO BE BASICALLY ODAIBA WAS INFURIATING. What do you MEAN Gekkoukan is in Tokyo, no it is not I’ve had the hc that Minato spent his junior high years in Tokyo for YEARS do not do this to me Persona. Anyway, I moved it so that I can keep my hcs the same, it’s still in the same general area it’s just outside of Tokyo Bay rather than inside it now. I was so tempted to keep the long-standing guess the fandom has had and put Tatsumi Island in Kobe you have NO IDEA. Fucking Odaiba man. Maruki says hello Nyx.

~ ᙙᙖ ~

In one world, they wouldn’t have met or known each other until Minato was sixteen. Minato would have been not-so-blissfully ignorant of the truth of the events that happened that night of the explosion. Nothing but vague memories of a bright light and broken cars and fire all around.

But in another, Minato remembered.

Unbuckling his seatbelt to look at the ocean far below, the explosion that threw him out of the car, his mother’s teary pleading for him to live, the collision of a robot and monster on the bridge that threw everything else back, the flashes of a chaotic fight, the guilt and devastation in the robot girl’s eyes as she pressed the blue fire containing the monster to his chest and apologized for turning him into its seal-

That was technically the first time he met Death.

But it wasn’t until a month later that they met properly, face to face, and Minato could acknowledge him directly.

It had been… a rough month. The aftermath of the accident had destroyed and consumed his life - left him thrown about from hospital to police station to a different and more elaborate and creepy hospital where he stayed for nearly two weeks while people in lab coats ran tests and poked at the new giant scar on his chest and men in suits tried to get in contact with a family member they could force to willing to take him, and then he was given to his aunt and uncle who weren’t expecting to suddenly have a child to take care of and were upset and scrambling to adjust. And they weren’t cruel or dismissive but he knew they weren’t happy to have him here suddenly and his aunt was devastated about her sister’s death and their smiles were so fake and he couldn’t even cry which made them uneasy and more upset and-

Minato had heard the words “trauma reaction” and “emotional suppression” more in the past month than his entire short life beforehand and he wished he could understand what that even meant but it felt like everything was a blur and just floating past his head.

He knew there was something wrong with him, though. That had been obvious at his parent’s funeral where he didn’t even feel anything and couldn’t bring himself to react or say anything to the parade of people coming over to talk to him.

The doctors who they kept trying to make him talk to acted like it was normal. His aunt and uncle acted like he was broken. Everyone else acted like he was a ghost.

He was pretty sure the ghost comparison was the one that was closest. He had a monster inside of him now, after all. The same monster who was probably responsible for his parents dying and midnight turning weird.

But maybe he was a little broken too because of it. Because he didn’t hate that monster even knowing all that. He didn’t really even miss his parents even though he’d always loved them so much before. He didn’t… care. About anything.

And he wasn’t scared, on the full moon a month after the accident, when the midnight hour hit and there was a sharp, tearing pain in his chest, and the monster appeared in a blaze of blue fire. It hovered over his bed like the evil creature from every scary bedtime story and stared down at him with its chain and torn brown cloak and a sword in its hand.

It looked evil but it didn’t feel evil. He’d always been good at telling what people around him felt - a gentle soul with an empathetic heart his mother had called him - and the monster felt… empty. Empty like he always felt now. There wasn’t any anger or hate like he’d expected from a monster.

He sat up and looked at it blankly, waiting for it to do something. Try to kill him like it had been trying to kill the robot, maybe. When it didn’t do anything he tilted his head and asked, “What’s your name?”

Might as well know what monster he was supposed to be “sealing”.

The creature stared down at him for a moment of silence, then spoke in a raspy, echoing voice - like two pieces of metal screeching against each other in the undertones. “I am Death.”

“Oh. Okay. I guess that’s why you killed people.” He frowned. “If you’re trapped inside of me then are people going to stop dying then?”

“No,” the monster said. “I embody the concept but I am not its entirety. I am merely the harbinger for she who calls the end.”

“What do you mean? What’s a harbinger?”

“An omen. I am a sign that the end has come - that humanity has forsaken its will to live and wishes for the world to end. I am the call to the goddess of death, Nyx, to bring death to all.”

“But that’s… not true. Most people don’t want to die. You can’t say that humans don’t want to live when most people do,” Minato tilted his head to the side. “I don’t know anyone who really wants to die. It’s usually an accident, or because someone else did it on purpose.”

“My very existence is proof that humanity has succumbed to despair and wishes for death. Your sole experiences are meaningless.”

Minato stared at him for a long moment then shrugged. “You’re wrong, but okay. Are you going to kill me, then? I think the robot girl made it so you can’t leave, that’s why she sealed you inside me.”

Death was silent for a moment, then said “My very essence has been sealed within you, bound and entwined to your soul. Your death would mean an end to my existence as well, vanishing into the Sea of Souls alongside you, unable to accomplish my goal.”

“So… no?”

“No. So long as the seal is intact I am incapable of killing you.”

“Okay, so you can’t leave and you can’t kill me. I’m going to sleep then.” Minato fell back and tugged the covers back up, rolling onto his side so his back was turned to the mon- to Death. “Night.”

The Shadow stared incredulously at him for several long minutes until his breath evened out and it became apparent that he truly was asleep.

It seemed the Anti-Shadow Unit had indeed known what she was doing to best undermine him. He was truly and solidly trapped.

… time would tell how this would play out, he supposed. After all, time came for all in the end and death was the most patient of mistresses. Nyx would wait.

~ ᙙᙖ ~

Minato quickly got used to Death showing up. First once a month on the full moon, then as time went on he began showing up in his dreams, and then speaking into his head while conscious outside the extra midnight hour.

It was almost surprising how quickly Minato got used to him - by the time a year had passed Death had become a normal presence in his life. Not a comforting presence, perhaps, but normal. The Shadow, as Minato now knew he was, still disbelieved Minato when he said that humanity really didn’t seem to be calling to Nyx. He remained adamant that it was simply Minato’s small range of existence that hid the truth.

And maybe that was true - maybe the small city he lived in didn’t show how many people were wish for the end. But if there were actually that many surely he would have met at least a few here.

Death did slowly become more curious about the day to day lives of people as time passed though, asking questions first during meetings in his dreams and then directly in his head once he’d figured out how to break through the seal enough to do so.

Minato probably should have been more worried that he was doing that, but most emotions were muted and distant these days so he just learned to ignored the burn and stinging pain in his chest that indicated Death taking an active interest in something going on. Sometimes it was a history lesson or science assignment, sometimes it was a conversation with a classmate or an overheard argument between adults.

He gained an active presence in Minato’s head just in time for the christmas season, actually, so Minato got very used to tuning out the pain of it very quickly because Death seemed fascinated and bewildered by… just about everything about the holiday. Things Minato had taken for granted were now subject to question and he had to ask about quite a few of them himself.

Granted he and Death both realized pretty quickly that the adults around them were simplifying explanations to make him understand it, because Death asked a lot more complicated and confusing questions about humans and traditions and… something about transferral of religion? Things Minato didn’t understand and couldn’t figure out how to ask about because he wasn’t sure what Death was actually asking.

What did someone dying for everyone else a long time ago have to do with christmas trees?

Once Minato asked Death that question in return the Shadow seemed to realize that Minato didn’t understand a lot about what he was trying to figure out and returned to asking more simplified questions.

Some of them still went over Minato’s head - why did it matter about the weird necklace the student helping at the shrine was wearing? The shrines never decorated for christmas, everyone knew that - but at least he could answer why the teenage boy was sneaking the bracelet he’d bought into his pocket so the girl with him wouldn’t see it.

The true shift in their relationship happened around the year mark of the accident.

Death could still only manifest physically on the full moon, but he did so each month without fail. Perhaps to ensure that he still could. But this time was… different.

Because when he did Minato felt something like satisfaction or triumph flicker through his chest as the Shadow appeared - and the fire vanished to reveal a boy the same age as Minato. He looked similar, but had darker and shorter hair, and his eyes were a bright blue. He was also wearing a striped prisoner outfit like out of a movie, but that was obvious enough why.

He looked down, examining himself, and nodded in satisfaction. “It worked.”

Minato tilted his head at him. “You were trying to turn yourself into a human?”

“I’m still not actually human, I’m merely taking this form. But yes. I thought it might better help me understand humans if I could imitate their form. So I tried to copy yours. It’s not exact, but I suppose that’s the influence of my inherent nature.” He hopped up onto the bed beside Minato. “If nothing else, it should be less disorienting to speak with me during this hour in this form.”

He wasn’t disorienting to talk to in his other form either, but he seemed unusually pleased with himself about this so Minato didn’t see a reason to contradict him. “I won’t have to look up at you anymore, I guess.”

“Exactly. I still know that humanity is calling out for the end, but it is strange how much attachment to life the people around you have in general.” The Shadow turned cocked his head with a thoughtful look. “If I imitate and understand humans, perhaps I can understand why that is.”

Minato really didn’t see what was hard to understand about people generally not wanting to die, but he supposed it was a fault of Death being a Shadow. And, well, Death.

“If you want,” he shrugged. “I don’t see what’s so hard to understand about it, but if it’ll help you understand then I think it’s fine.” Death still hadn’t shown any indication that he was about to break out of the seal, after all, so he couldn’t muster any real worry about it.

Not that he’d probably be able to stop him if he did, but… well, the robot girl had entrusted Death to him when she failed so the least he could do was make the attempt.

~ ᙙᙖ ~

He wasn’t quite sure when he’d crossed the line in the minds of adults around him from “recovering from the accident” to “creepy”. But he began noticing it over time as one year crept towards two towards three and his aunt and uncle - rather than adjusting and becoming comfortable in his presence - went from uncertain to uneasy around him.

At first they’d looked at him like they weren’t sure what to do with him, like he was one wrong word from breaking down crying. But now they looked at him like they thought something was wrong with him - like they didn’t want to figure out what to do with him.

He blamed Death, honestly. The Shadow was rubbing off on him as much as he was on the Shadow.

The whispers behind his back that they thought he wasn’t listening to - unnatural, too quiet, emotionless, never cries, never throws a tantrum, never gets happy or upset, doesn’t have friends, looks right through you - definitely made it sound like there was something wrong with him.

He didn’t really feel wrong. He just didn’t feel strong emotions - was more tired than anything a lot of the time.

But maybe that was the proof that something was wrong, because he remembered feeling more strongly about things, remembered feeling excited or scared or sad or happy so strongly he thought it’d overwhelm him. His parents had gently chastised him more than once about an excessive reaction to something.

So maybe they were right and there was something wrong with him. That “something wrong” just happened to be the personification of Death sealed in his chest, and there was nothing he could do about that.

Not… that he really minded. He liked having Death in his mind, asking questions and making him wonder about the world around him in ways he wouldn’t have otherwise. He liked being able to guess what the people around him were thinking and feeling based on their expressions and body language. And it came in handy on tests when he couldn’t remember the answer to something and Death was willing to remind him.

It just meant that Death stayed his only friend because everyone around him found his presence off-putting and unnerving. Even his teachers didn’t really like him if they spent any time outside of class with him. And his aunt and uncle only became more distant and unnerved as the years passed and he didn’t become more open or how he had been before the accident.

So it wasn’t really a surprise when he turned ten and they told him that he’d be moving in with a cousin. Their excuse was that they were trying for a child, and didn’t want to divide their attention between two children who both needed it so he’d be sent to someone who could continue to devote attention to him.

It would have been a lot more convincing if they had been devoting attention to him rather than avoiding him or becoming very strained when they did interact with him.

Minato… didn’t really care, he’d been expecting it, but there was a keen edge of resentment from Death at both the lie and the disregard.

(There was something else there in the undertones that Minato couldn’t quite read. A bitter, sharp edge of emotion that Death tried to hide from him, and Minato didn’t ask. If Death wanted him to know then he would tell him.)

There had been no expectations on Minato’s behalf on his way to Inagawa in Hyōgo - it was a relatively small town comparatively, fairly rural, and he knew nothing about the cousin taking him in. He wondered how they’d been convinced.

The town was… nice enough. Surrounded by mountainous area, forest on all sides, lakes and rice patties in the distance…

Altogether different than the cities he’d grown up in.

His cousin, as it turned out, was a middle-aged no-nonsense man clearly far more focused on whatever his career was than any sort of familial relationship. Given how quickly the man had gruffly brushed through introductions and a tour of the apartment - relatively small and sparsely decorated, the man clearly spent almost no time here - and essentially told him he was on his own and to stay out of trouble, Minato assumed he’d been promised that Minato was low-effort and he’d be able to effectively ignore him.

Which wasn’t inaccurate so he couldn’t complain too much.

(Death seemed to take it the wrong way and got very annoyed, though, which was almost funny.)

It did mean that he had to learn to cook. He got an allowance, enough to cover any food he needed, but unless he wanted to live off of prepackaged food he did need to learn the basics at least.

… although after his terrible start of burned rice and an uneven omelette the man did at least teach him those basics, so he clearly wasn’t entirely uncaring. Or he just didn’t want to risk a fire.

Death was relieved about that, though he did seem to derive some amusement from Minato’s inept attempts at learning to cook. Not that he was any help. Any number of historical or philosophical questions he’d be more than happy to lecture about, but anything practical and he was useless.

It wasn’t a bad two years. Just as lonely, but not bad. Less side-eyes and unease at least.

His cousin was very rarely home, and when he was he was usually working on either paperwork or a laptop. The man didn’t seem to care about friends or social circles, or at least not enough to invite anyone over, and he and Minato largely ignored each other when they were home at the same time. He didn’t ask about Minato’s grades or social interactions either, which his aunt and uncle had still done, which made it harder to really care about them either.

Minato continued to be off-putting to everyone around him, it seemed, but he still wasn’t sure what exactly he was doing to drive them away and make the kids call him scary and the teachers murmur that he was unnerving. It wasn’t just lack of emotional reactions, he didn’t think, because there were a couple of other kids that were like that and they were called “cool” and “admirable”.

But something about him made people shy away and refuse to meet his eyes.

Maybe it was the same thing that made animals nervous around him.

The same thing that made the other Shadows leave him alone during the midnight hour, even though they would attack anyone else able to move around. That ability didn’t seem to happen here, at least - he never encountered anyone else out the few times he wandered around town in the green light.

Which was more than he could say of the city he had lived in - after the first time he’d been out and encountered both a person and the Shadows around, and his presence had whipped the Shadows into a frenzy and made them more aggressive than usual towards any one else around, he’d avoided going out during that hour.

Death made them more dangerous, and Minato didn’t want to be responsible for anyone dying.

But it wasn’t a problem here, and there was something fascinating about walking around an empty town covered in blood and coffins beneath a green moon. It was eerie.

It made him feel the most alive that he had been since the accident.

Still, it was just one more thing that set him apart from everyone around him and he continued to spend most of his time alone. Often with a book. And while animals were more nervous around him than other people they did warm up to him relatively quickly once assured he wouldn’t hurt them. Once he realized that it wasn’t quite as lonely, and he became a friendly face to several of the strays around.

And Death was always there. He never really left anymore, and the pain of his presence had long since vanished. Minato chose not to think about what that meant for the seal. He was a friend, always at Minato’s side, and the years passed had made his comments about being the harbinger existing only to usher in humanity’s death fade into only the occasional thoughtful consideration about one situation or another. His absolute certainty that humanity at large wished for death had diminished significantly in the face of so much constant drive forward from everyone around Minato. Instead, he seemed to be searching for what humans did want - what it was that drove each one forwards to the future, each person chasing after their own goals in life.

Minato certainly didn’t have the answer, and people didn’t like him enough to be willing to tell him, so they contented themselves watching and listening and speculating.

So the two years he spent in Inagawa were peaceful enough, with various animals and Death (both in his mind and in child form) keeping him company.

~ ᙙᙖ ~

And then that peace was summarily shattered when his cousin announced that he was getting engaged and moving in with his fiancee to Osaka, and Minato would be moving in with another relative, a different cousin, in Tokyo.

When it happened Minato felt nothing more than a twinge of disappointment. He’d hoped to keep this peace for a while longer before his presence became a nuisance again.

Death was significantly more displeased, irritated that Minato’s cousin was displacing him rather than adapting around him, concerned about being sent to Tokyo - and there was that something more to that thought that Minato was sensing from him more and more often these days - and handed off to another relative they knew nothing about, a frustration on Minato’s behalf that they’d long since acknowledged he probably couldn’t feel. But there was nothing they could do about it, so Minato packed his few belongings again and was gone.

Had they known what was waiting for them - had he realized the abrupt downward spiral his life was about to take - perhaps he would have mustered the care to ask to stay.

But they had no way to know.

The first sign that something was… off… was on the way to the address he’d been given. Shinjuku had residential areas, of course - nice ones, even. But the address didn’t lead him to a nice one. It was a ragged, run-down area, with dirty alleyways and narrowed glances sent out covered windows.

The fact that it was just outside Kabukicho didn’t help.

It set him on-edge despite himself, and for the first time in years Death pushed against the seal hard enough for it to burn.

“It’s not the midnight hour, not for a couple more hours,” he thought to the Shadow, watching a group of shady looking men muttering in an alleyway from the corner of his eye. “Even if you broke through the seal you couldn’t manifest.”

“It’s possible that I could,” the Shadow shot back. “We’ve never attempted it.”

“We’ve never seen any Shadows out in the daylight, only during the midnight hour,” Minato pointed out, taking a step to the side as a ragged cat hissed at him from under a dumpster.

“I’m not a normal Shadow.”

Minato didn’t respond.

They didn’t know what would happen if Death broke fully through the seal, but it probably wouldn’t be anything good. So Minato would just have to try and avoid being put into a position where it was necessary.

Easier said than done as he quickly found out. His… aunt? cousin? he wasn’t quite sure and she didn’t clarify so whatever- apparently worked in Kabukicho as supposedly a hostess, and had only agreed to take him in because she was hoping he would be a second source of income. Which, given the kinds of places in this area that would be willing to hire a junior high student, did not bode well for his likelihood for staying out of danger.

Death was irritated on his behalf, but it wasn’t as though they could really do anything about it. Any authority figures would just turn a blind eye - that became apparent the moment he arrived at school and met his homeroom teacher, and then the rest of the teachers were no better - and she hadn’t done anything to him yet so he couldn’t use anything against her.

She’d just made it clear that if he wanted to eat he’d bring home enough money to make it worth feeding him.

So he quietly asked around. Several of the other students in his class also had jobs, though whether it was for a similar reason he didn’t know and didn’t bother asking, so he had a few options. Not many, and none of them particularly appealing, but unless he wanted to either starve to death or learn to steal he’d just have to accept it.

Minato settled on the job that seemed like the least effort and one of the ones less likely to be directly tied to any potential host club scams or yakuza operations.

Washing dishes at the back of a host club wasn’t exactly fun, but it avoided the risk of being caught by any police or getting caught up in any drug trafficking. And the midnight hour meant he could grab an hour long nap in the middle so… it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. His sleep and grades both suffered for it, but no one was expecting him to have good grades anyway and none of the teachers cared to check why it was happening, so… he supposed it was convenient.

It was… fine.

It was fine. It was tolerable, no matter how frustrated Death got, and he could deal with the constant smell of cigarettes and alcohol all around him, could wrinkle his nose and turn away to his book or homework when she came back smelling of alcohol and sex, could tune out the chatter and flirtations from the room over at the club, could ignore the rumbled clothes and bruises peeking out on skin from the hosts and hostesses around the area.

Minato kept his head down, didn’t talk to anyone unless he had to, and no one really approached him. People in Tokyo - or at least this district of it - didn’t seem as bothered by whatever off-putting aura that had always scared everyone else, but they weren’t really inclined to bother with him either. Which suited him just fine.

Months passed easily enough, his cousin (as he eventually did find out) was satisfied for a while with the money that he did bring home and seemed happy enough that he wasn’t going to bother her or get in her way that she didn’t really bug him either unless she wanted one chore or another done while she was out.

She did kick him out a few nights a month to bring men home - though whether they were clients or boyfriends he didn’t know or care - but those were passed studying or doing homework in a cafe nearby that didn’t mind some kids in his situation hanging around all night provided they bought something every now and then. It wasn’t uncommon to see a few others around, sometimes he even studied with a couple of classmates or helped an elementary schooler out with their homework (except one who rebuffed him with a flash of red eyes and a snap that he could handle it himself), but largely he remained in his corner and tried to ignore the rest of the world as Death muttered and complained in his head.

He was equally pouty in his child form on those nights he joined Minato during the midnight hour, perching on the edge of his futon and casting annoyed glances across the room at his cousin on the other futon. Minato rolled his eyes and ignored him, until he flopped backwards and sprawled across Minato in a way that clearly demanded attention and Minato just patted his head and let him keep complaining about the people and world around them.

Minato hadn’t been expecting a christmas gift from her, but she seemed to be in a particularly good mood around that time so he didn’t question it. He supposed she’d caught the eye of a particularly affluent client or something because she suddenly had new clothes and jewelry. Plus decent takeout rather than Big Bang Burger or some other fast food chain.

But on christmas morning she cheerfully handed him a wrapped box with a comment that he’d earned something for his efforts this past year, and when he opened it with a quiet thank you he found an mp3 player and pair of headphones inside. It was the first present he’d gotten in years and quickly turned into the best he’d ever gotten.

It was something to drown out the tedium of the world, to filter out all the static and noise of the world around him into a steady, predictable, stable beat. Whenever it got too much he could simply put the headphones on and turn on the mp3 player and everything would fade away. A lifeline.

A necessary one, because things rapidly got worse after that. The giddiness that had clung to her throughout December began fading rapidly throughout February and into March. She got defensive and quiet, snappish, almost always on her phone, scrolling away as though looking for something. Biting her lip until it nearly bled - an unusual habit for someone so careful with her appearance.

It all came to a head around mid-April, just after the new school year had started, in the afternoon before Minato left for work. He was sitting at the low table, working on homework, when she suddenly made a snarling sound and started a phone call.

He quickly put on his headphones and turned on his music, tuning out whatever angry argument she was picking over the phone. It wasn’t his business, it wasn’t his problem.

It quickly became something near his problem when a bottle shattered against the wall dividing the kitchenette less than a meter away from his head and his gaze snapped up to find her glaring in his direction with eyes blazing and lips pulled into a snarl. Minato froze, unmoving even as Death reared up protectively in his soul and the seal burned beneath the weight of his presence. But a few moments passed of her glaring, chest heaving, before her mouth began moving again as she yelled something and he took note of her glassy eyes and distant gaze and he relaxed as she jerked her gaze away from him to continue shouting. She hadn’t been looking at him or aiming at him, he’d just been in an unfortunate direction. Death reluctantly faded back, but didn’t pull away entirely just yet.

He watched her shake her head desperately and fall to her knees on the floor as tears began streaming down her face and her other hand reached up to clutch at the desk of empty beer bottles she hadn’t gotten around to throwing out yet.

Or just throwing yet, apparently.

With a soft sigh Minato closed his workbook and leaned over to begin picking up the glass shards before one of them stepped on them. The bottle had at least been empty, so they wouldn’t have to deal with stains on the wood floor. The star of Sapporo sat wholly intact, almost mockingly, as he collected the glass in his hand.

By the time he’d finished picking up the glass and throwing it away, it seemed the call had ended and she was staring unseeing at the wall as tears streamed down her face. Minato stared at her for a moment before going back into the kitchen to fill a glass with water and pick up a cloth.

He knelt to set the water down in front of her and held out the cloth.

It took her a few moments to reach for it, but she did. She buried her face in it and sobbed.

Minato shrugged and returned to his spot at the table to continue his homework.

Things did not improve from there.

She became… unstable, switching between listless and desperate in the span of hours. If she was home without a client she was either drunk or drugged, and she either ignored him entirely or demanded he help out more. He quickly became the only one doing chores - if only to avoid being yelled at or risk having something thrown again - and after several months of her unable to bring home as much money as was satisfying to her he became the target of her ire for how little he was also bring back.

Comparatively, anyway.

He ignored it for several months hoping she’d get over whatever rich guy had gotten bored of her and leave him alone again, but it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t likely. It was only a matter of time before she began making threats again, and at Death’s urging Minato began considering his options.

A second part time job wasn’t particularly feasible given how much time the one he already had was taking. He could avoid being at the apartment as much as possible, but he still had to sleep sometime and the last thing he wanted was for her to decide she needed to hunt him down. He could use the midnight hour to shoplift, but that wouldn’t necessarily satisfy her if she wanted actual yen to use.

Well, he could try to start breaking into registers he supposed, but he didn’t know if he wanted to start dealing with the risks of that. Just because there weren’t people or camera didn’t mean there wouldn’t be evidence and just because Kabukicho had an underbelly didn’t mean it was actually illegal. He didn’t need the police to track him down using dna evidence or something. Besides, he had to set the standard somewhere.

He could take a different risk and get a more lucrative job elsewhere he supposed (Death didn’t like that option). He refused to work at the front-facing side of a club, but one of his classmates had talked about a package sorting job that paid well and was looking for a couple more people.

Minato had avoided it before - like most of his classmates did - because he didn’t really want to deal with drug smuggling. But it was a significantly higher pay, and his classmate had assured him that he’d been working there for three years and it really was just organizing packages into the correct address delivery bins. It really was just an ordinary job.

(So long as he didn’t open anything went unspoken.)

So with a heavy sigh and Death stewing angrily in the back of his soul, Minato followed his classmate to get recommended for the job. He was hired instantly, given a brief tour of the small warehouse, given an overview of how to organize the packages properly, warned not to open any of the packages for any reason, and then pointed at a stack that needed to go out the next morning.

The job wasn’t as bad as they’d both been concerned about. It really did seem like a normal sorting job. And it paid well.

None of which put Death at ease as he hovered almost painfully close to the seal constantly these days. It was getting to the point that Minato could almost feel the seal slowly dissolving as the nigh-painful tingling of it rapidly faded and Death came closer and closer to the forefront of his mind as the weeks passed.

Minato didn’t bother fighting him on it - the Shadow would worry regardless and if he did manage to break through the seal and manifest at least Minato wouldn’t have to deal with a fight himself.

(When had the worry of the consequences of the seal breaking faded? He could barely remember the robot girl who had sealed the Shadow inside him now, even if the guilt and grief in her eyes still haunted his dreams anytime he inhaled a lungful of smoke from somewhere. What did he care about the world? If Death broke free and destroyed it - well it wouldn’t be his problem for long.)

The uptick in money satisfied his cousin for the time being at least, so she went back to mostly ignoring him in favor of whatever poison she’d chosen for the day. He spent more time in the cafe than the apartment just for the smell alone, even when she hadn’t brought someone back.

The world faded more and more into the grey of exhausted numbness from there. An endless routine - get up, silently get ready for school, go to school, try not to sleep through his classes, leave for work, work until the daily quota was filled, go to the cafe to study until the midnight hour, leave once the hour was up and the cafe closed, return to the apartment and sleep, then get up again.

It was easy to lose track of the days when he didn’t talk to anyone and spent most of his time drowning out the world with his music. The date on the board and subjects of the lessons were really the only ties to reality that he had between the monochromatic repetition of everything else. The sudden uptick of pressure in the middle of the year to study hard and improve their grades in order to do well on high school entrance exams and get into a good school was a sudden shock to them all, and it did a little to break things up.

But even that quickly dulled back into routine - it was all just memorizing dates and facts and kanji and equations, and with Death in his head to help he wasn’t likely to do badly even if he didn’t bother trying.

Though even if he got accepted there was no guarantee he’d be able to attend. Given his cousin’s increasingly empty eyes and unstable attitude and inability to maintain her grip on money he highly doubted she’d be willing or able to pay for him to attend. Which was one more thing for Death to become angry over, but Minato didn’t really care much.

Even if he did attend, what then? It was just a continued routine. How likely was it that he’d make it to graduation and find somewhere decent to work?

Really, what was the point of it all?

Not that Death let him get away with that. As Minato had less and less motivation or will to bother even trying with anything, Death pushed harder and harder to make him. Pushing him to study, to do well on tests, to remember to eat lunch or dinner even if he continued to skip breakfast. Nudging him to stop by and try that restaurant, or get that soda from the machine with a weird name.

He was less enthused by Minato’s willingness to accept the can of Asahi beer from some of his classmates during one of their study sessions on the roof, but the taste alone meant that Minato wasn’t in any hurry to try it again. Not to mention the way it made the numb disassociation from the world even worse.

The sensation of a near-complete break from reality didn’t quite scare Minato, but it did unnerve him and the alarm it raised from Death only made it worse. So that wouldn’t be any sort of habit he would fall into.

Unlike some people he had to clean up after.

The high school issue was resolved when he got within the top ten marks in the school and was offered a scholarship to the closest high school. It was not what everyone had meant when they talked about a “good” high school, but anything was better than nothing so with a bit of prodding from Death he accepted.

Not that it really changed anything - other than the location, it was simply exchanging one routine for another and he quickly sank back into the grey numbness.

Nothing really broke through it for a while. He was distantly aware of his cousin getting paler and thinner, the desperation towards something rising, until a bit before summer she stumbled into the apartment and cornered him against the wall.

“I need you to get money,” she said, gripping his arm tightly.

Minato tilted his head, feeling Death rearing up close to the seal warily. “How much?”

“A million yen.”

“A million yen?” Death repeated incredulously.

Minato sent her a blank look. “That’s impossible.” How in the world could she possibly expect him to be able to get that much?

“What?” she asked dangerously, leaning close. “Do you even realize the situation we’re in?!”

“No. You never told me.”

Her face twisted into an expression of such frustration he thought she was about to start screaming. She didn’t, instead snapping, “That damn club is demanding a million yen from me for ‘services rendered’ - which is bullshit they’re a shitty club anyway - but now I have to pay it or my reputation and ability to get clients is ruined!”

That club? Had she- “How does a hostess fall for a host club scam?”

“I did not get scammed!” She shoved him against the wall and spun around to storm towards the desk against the opposite wall. “Just get the money.”

He considered for a moment. “No.”

Everything froze, before she slowly turned to stare at him with a darkness brewing in her eyes. “What?”

Minato stared at her blankly. “No. I told you that’s impossible. You got scammed, deal with it yourself. It’s not my problem.” He wasn’t going to get any homework done here. Picking up his bag, he turned to leave.

“Now wait just a damn minute you brat-”

He turned to look at her as she lunged for him and felt the seal burn, stretched so thin it was on the verge of snapping as Death lunged back with his presence, and she stumbled to a stop as the blood drained from her face. Minato waited for a moment before leaving.

He’d have to hope she wouldn’t retaliate.

Apparently Death had scared her enough in that moment to avoid him entirely, because she would barely even look at him other than the occasional glare if they happened to be home at the same time. So he tuned her out as well, putting his headphones on and ignoring her.

Trying to ignore the fact that she was looking more sick and exhausted by the month. It wasn’t like he could do anything about her irresponsibility - he was already giving her the money he was making, and unless he wanted to get actively involved with the yakuza he wasn’t going magically get a job that payed more.

Maybe if she stopped spending her money on ways to forget the problem she’d be able to deal with the issue. Minato had already caved and started shoplifting food during the midnight hour when she stopped bringing groceries home.

Death was getting more worried and frustrated as time passed, and was curling up next to Minato in human form nearly every night for the midnight hour. Sometimes they talked, but most of the time they just leaned against each other to derive what comfort they could. Death clung to him like he was afraid he was going to disappear, which was funny given that of the two of them Death was the one only tangible for an hour.

Death and the mp3 player were really Minato’s only lifelines by this point.

He probably should have been paying more attention. Should have accounted for human vulnerability and desperation and realized what she would end up turning to. Though he really didn’t know what he could have done about it even if he had known - she wouldn’t have listened to him if he told her not to anyway.

December was cold.

It always was, but it somehow felt colder standing in the back alleys a few blocks from Kabukicho’s streets under a flickering street light with a dozen men from a local street gang staring down Minato and his cousin. That explained why she’d rushed in and grabbed him, told him to come with her and hurry and be quiet.

What had she expected to happen if she ran from her debt after borrowing money?

At least it wasn’t the yakuza, he guessed, but this wasn’t really much better. She was shaking with terror next to him, tears welling in her eyes.

“P-Please-” she stuttered, “Give me a little more time! I’m working on it, I promise, we both are, so-”

“It’s been over six months, the hell much more time do ya need?” The man in front snapped, pulling his jacket back to rest his hand on his gun. “I don’t appreciate games, girlie, we got our own expenses. You said you’d have it paid back by now, and I’m holdin’ ya to your word.”

“I-I’m trying,” she protested, hugging herself. “I swear I am, I thought I’d have it by now but the club across the street keeps bribing people to help them steal our business! I’m doing everything I can, if I can get another couple of months-”

“That’s what you said three months ago!” Another one snarled, pulling out his own gun to aim at them. “We’re not gonna keep buying into the lies of a drug-addicted whore!”

“N-No, please-”

What was Minato supposed to do here? There were a dozen of them with guns, and even with Death straining as hard as he could against the seal - to the point where Minato could barely stand from the pain and was very sure that it was about to shatter completely - there wasn’t anything he could do outside the midnight hour. An aura of death didn’t do much good when the men were both used to death and very much armed.

Could he buy time? Even if he did, there wouldn’t be anywhere for them to run. He didn’t think he could defuse the situation when they were this angry over broken promises. He wasn’t going to make stupid promises he couldn’t keep either.

Minato didn’t really care about dying. If he died here… it was fine. He didn’t care. But Death did, and Death was one of the only things that Minato could bring himself to care about anymore, so he should at least put some effort into not dying. And he didn’t really want her to die either. She wasn’t exactly good, he didn’t really like her and she’d made too many mistakes, but that didn’t mean she deserved to die for it.

Not that deserving it had ever saved anyone.

Minato sighed. “Is killing us really going to solve anything?”

The man in front narrowed his eyes at him. “I don’t like being lied to, brat.”

“Not saying you should. But she is still paying you back, even if it’s not as quickly as she promised.” He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. “If you kill us you can’t get any money from us. I’m not defending her, just pointing it out.”

“You offering to take her place?” One of the men in the back sneered.

Minato sent them a flat look. “I’m already giving her all the money I make, so I kind of already have.”

There were snorts and scoffs from several of them and the man in front smirked. “Sounds like you’re not in the right business then, boy. How about I cut you a deal - I’ll get you a job that you can pay us back in no time, and we’ll let you both walk away from this alive. Do a good enough job and we’ll even let you keep the extra.”

Well that wasn’t an obvious hook or anything. It was probably some sort of smuggling, and they needed someone as unsuspicious as possible to the police. He wasn’t really interested in getting dragged into that because people who got involved rarely left, but they didn’t really have many options either.

“Stall them until midnight and we’ll have plenty of options,” Death growled, clawing at the seal. “I hoped I’d be able to break out before then, but it’s more difficult than I anticipated.”

Ah. Killing them during the midnight hour was probably the easiest solution to the problem, yeah. Almost everyone turned into coffins, so letting Death break through the seal and then dealing with them one by one would be simple enough.

So Minato tilted his head at them. “What kind of job? I need details before I promise anything.”

“Do you really have room to negotiate here?” the man asked, pulling his own gun out and flipping the safety. Minato’s cousin gasped, stepping behind him and grabbing his arm.

Minato shrugged. “Not negotiating. Just making sure I can actually keep my promise before I make it.” He flicked a glance down at his mp3 player - ten minutes to midnight. He could keep them talking for ten minutes.

“Well I guess you’re smarter than that girl hiding behind you then. You don’t really get much of a choice in this if you want to live, though.”

That was assuming quite a bit that he cared about living, but whatever. “So? What do you want me to do?”

The man scoffed. “Well you’ve got spine and an attitude, I’ll give you that. It’s simple - we get packages goin’ to and comin’ from all sorts of places around Tokyo. You’ll be our little delivery boy. Nice, simple, and easy, yeah?”

Minato didn’t bother reacting. “Drugs or weapons? That will change how it needs to be handled.”

A nasty grin broke out across his face. “Oho, got ourself a bold one here, huh? Not even a flinch. Keep that attitude and you might do just fine. Bit o’ column A, bit o’ column B. Depends on the day, and our buyer or seller.”

Helpful. “That’s not much to go off of if you want me to start planning how to get them past the police. I didn’t grow up in Tokyo so I’m not as familiar with it’s blind spots as a native would be.” He wasn’t going to look at his mp3 player, he wasn’t going to try to count the minutes passing. Midnight would get here when it got here.

“Heh, I applaud the initiative but we won’t just leave ya flailin’ around blindly. We’ll pair you off with a couple of our other runners to start, let them teach you the ropes. We ain’t heartless, kid, just don’t like bein’ lied to.”

“Not heartless, merely willing to blackmail teenagers into smuggling illegal items for you,” Death hissed. “Be ready, Minato. It’s going to hurt when I break through the seal.”

“It always does. I’ll be fine; I’m used to it,” Minato thought back, watching the gang mutter amongst themselves. “So you say. I suppose if I get caught I’ll be left to fend for myself?”

The man shrugged lightly. “We gotta take care of ourselves first. Consider it motivation not to get caught, yeah?”

He’d figured.

“No. No, not again, not like this.” The smallest whisper came from behind him, and he had a moment of confusion followed by an unexpected bolt of dread as his cousin suddenly straightened with teary eyes and stepped out from behind him.

“Don’t-” he began- but she didn’t listen.

Why? Why did she choose now to grow a conscience?

“Enough! He’s got nothing to do with this - I’ll clear the debt myself, I promise! There’s no reason to drag him into this even more and I won’t let you-!”

A shot rang out. It echoed around the empty alleyway and rang loudly in his ears. Pain burned burned burned more fiercely than it ever had before in his chest and he was frozen, eyes wide as his breath struggled to come. He almost expected to feel blood on his chest, wished that he could feel blood on his chest, but it wasn’t him who’d been shot.

She let out a shuddering little choked gasp, and Minato turned to see her reaching up to clutch at the wound with wide, horrified eyes. He couldn’t- he couldn’t breathe as she staggered and fell- blood pooling around her as the light above them flickered-

-fire flickered and flashed off the metal, shimmering in the pooling blood, and he saw his mother burned and broken as she smiled hopelessly at him and begged him to live as she and his father and his twin sister wouldn’t and- he couldn’t move- couldn’t help- he was completely helpless-

The men jeering and bickering lightly was distant in his ears as the world faded into a distant grey and the pain burned and the world suddenly shuddered and shifted around them as the moon flashed green-

-and the men’s laughter turned into something startled and alarmed but he could barely hear them and he wasn’t listening-

-and a scream of pain suddenly echoed and bounced off the alleyway as the ground rose up to meet him and his knees hit the blood-covered pavement and his chest felt like it tore itself open and another more monstrous scream joined his own and he distant heard the gang’s voices rise as well-

The blood on his chest and staining his shirt was his own from where the seal had been torn open and Death emerged. The blood on his hands and on his knees were hers. Hers where she was lying on her front surrounded by the pool of her own blood, and he struggled to balance as he leaned forward and rolled her over onto her back. She was still just barely breathing, eyes glazed and distant through her tears.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, staring up at the green-tinged moon. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry Minoru-kun, I messed up again. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want this. Please forgive me, please I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to, I wanted to live and go see Paris and New York and London like we promised we would-” she choked and coughed, blood streaking her lips as her hand shakingly reached up. Minato reached out and took it, holding it between his as she struggled to breathe. “Please help me. Please don’t let me die, I have so many more things I want to do.” Tears streaked down her face to mix with the blood. “Please, Minoru-kun I’m not ready to follow you yet…”

Minato just distantly watched her and held her hand as she slowly went still and cold and even the echoing screams of the gang members eventually stopped. Everything felt distant and painful and he couldn’t bring himself to move even once Death returned to his side with bloody swords.

He wondered if he was supposed to cry here. If he was supposed to feel grief and loss the way everyone had said he should for his parents and sister. If he was supposed to feel anything beyond the disconnected exhaustion and pain of the shattered seal.

“What am I supposed to do?” he wondered aloud, staring down at his cousin’s body blankly.

A soft sigh came from above him, and suddenly Death had discarded his swords and knelt down to wrap his arms around Minato. “I think we both know that normal rules do not apply to you.” A pause, and his grip tightened. “I am sorry for that. It is my presence that has stolen pieces of your humanity and suppressed your emotions.”

Well they hadn’t talked about it, but it made sense.

Minato let go of her hand and twisted around to lean against Death. “Maybe. I don’t blame you for it though.”

“… I know. Perhaps it would be easier if you did.”

“I doubt it. I waste enough energy on just staying alive. Hating you or the robot on top of it just sounds exhausting.”

Death let out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “I would say that I don’t understand you, but I unfortunately do after spending nearly ten years in your soul.”

Minato hummed tiredly, closing his eyes and trying to tune out the pain still stinging his chest and blood still seeping through his shirt. “Whatever consequences it may have,” he said quietly, “I’m glad you did. I wouldn’t have wanted to go through this without you.” His lifeline. One of the two things that kept him sane and grounded in the static haze of this life.

The Shadow let out a shuddering breath and hugged him tighter. “I am glad that my presence has brought you something other than pain, at least.”

“Death, you’ve been my best friend for most of my life now. I’ve been with you longer than I’ve been without you.” He reached up rest a hand on his shoulder. “You should know by now that you’ve given me plenty more than pain.”

Death went still for a long, long moment, and Minato waited for him to process and accept that before responding. When he did, he caught Minato off-guard. “I suppose I can’t deny that. But… Death is not accurate for who I am anymore. For whatever I may have given you, you’ve given me far, far more.” Minato blinked his eyes opened and craned his neck to look up at him. “I am Thanatos - and you have given me so much of yourself, shared so much of your soul with me even beyond the nature of the seal, that I have become a Persona.”

“A Persona?” There was psychology terminology in the back of his mind that he couldn’t quite remember through the exhaustion of the night’s events.

“An aspect or manifestation of your soul. It’s-” he paused, amending, “-likely a bit too complex to explain in your current state. In normal cases a Shadow is the parts of yourself you deny, a Persona is the part of yourself you accept and project unto yourself. I’m a special case, for obvious reasons. Consider me an extension of your soul who wants to protect you, for now.”

“That’s what you’ve been for years,” Minato muttered, closing his eyes again. “So even thought the seal is broken now, you’re staying?”

“Yes. I’m not leaving you alone. I’ll remain at your side for as long as I can.”

“Saying it like that makes it sound like you’ll leave eventually.”

Dea-Thanatos was silent for a moment, and Minato felt his bone chin brush his head. “… eventually I may have no choice, and I’m sorry for that. If I had my way I would remain by your side forever.”

“But?”

“But I have a feeling the events from nine years ago are going to come back and haunt us soon. Death was separated into many parts that were scattered, and I was sealed within you. If those parts are rejoined, Death will come again and usher in Nyx. I will have no choice.”

“We can’t just prevent the pieces from being rejoined?”

“I doubt it. Nyx, even incomplete, is the source of the midnight hour and the Shadows. So long as we exist, so to will they and so too will the Shadows. I suspect things will come to a head very soon.”

“And we’ll be in the center of it,” Minato sighed, tipping his head against him. “Okay. I still want you to stay with me. As long as you can.” He wasn’t sure what his life would be like without Thanatos, but given how much the Shadow had been a constant companion and push forward he doubted it would be better.

“I will. You should sleep - my breaking through the seal exhausted you thoroughly. I’ll keep watch and prevent any Shadows from coming near until the hour is over. From there, though…”

“Someone will see the bodies and call the police,” Minato murmured as he finally began giving in to sleep. “Since I’m injured too I probably won’t get in trouble.” Hopefully. Whatever Thanatos had done to the gang members, it definitely wasn’t something he could be blamed for.

“Then rest - you’ll need it.”

~ ᙙᙖ ~

Minato woke up in the hospital a week later.

It was incredibly disorienting to experience - the neutral tones of the room, the beeping of the monitor, the IV in his arm, the fuzziness in his head - but Death- Thanatos- rose up to press against the back of his mind with a familiar reassuring coolness that helped chase away the worst of the confusion.

As long as he was still here, it was fine.

It took several long minutes of just thinking and reorienting himself to remember what had happened. While he didn’t feel the grief or pain everyone seemed to expect from these things, there was at least a twinge of regret that things had turned out as they had.

But what was done was done - there was nothing he could do about it. No one could change the past. Time moved forward regardless of wishes.

So he move forward with it. When the police questioned him what had happened he was mostly honest - until the events of the midnight hour happened when he feigned confusion. His cousin had been shot by the gang, and yeah he looked like he’d been stabbed but he was pretty sure it had been from behind, and he had no idea what happened to the gang because he’d passed out after being stabbed with a knife.

He was pretty sure the police came to the conclusion that his cousin had been involved with a yakuza or something, but she clearly hadn’t told him anything about her job so he somehow wasn’t held responsible for any of her actions and was simply handed off to his uncle - a high ranking and very wealthy businessman also in Tokyo - although in the Shimbashi district instead of Shinjuku.

Sure. Whatever.

His uncle was… distant, at best. Much like his other cousin had been, the man was busy with his work and wasn’t interested in interacting with him beyond the necessities. That was more than fine with Minato - it was nice to be invisible and self-sufficient without expectation again. He even got an allowance without needing to get a job again. It was a minor relief he hadn’t expected to feel, but it was there.

He still went to the same high school for the final three months but his uncle explained that he’d be leaving for an overseas business trip around March so Minato would be transferring to a different high school with dorms for the next year.

Minato was incredulous for… several reasons. The fact that his uncle was going out of his way to ensure he’d be… safe? successful? not left completely alone? for the year was surprising enough. The fact that it was an incredibly expensive private high school was even more so.

At least until he was told the name.

Iwatodai High School, on Tatsumi Port Island just outside Tokyo Bay.

It sent Thanatos on immediate high alert, and Minato understood a few moments later. The Moonlight Bridge leading to the island was where his parents had died and Death had been sealed inside him.

The the island itself was where everything began.

Thanatos had been right - the events of nine, nearly ten, years past were coming back to haunt them.

He didn’t show any of the realizations on his face, but he had a feeling that this wasn’t a coincidence. The man gained custody of him and immediately went on a business trip oversees and sent him to the island where this had all begun nearly ten years ago?

Especially now that Thanatos had broken through the seal.

His uncle may not know anything about what had happened, but someone did and this was no coincidence.

And so, come April, Minato left Tokyo proper and got on the train heading to Tatsumi Port Island for the year. Even with his headphones on and music blaring in his ears it couldn’t quite drown out the world around him this time. The buzzing beneath his skin from Thanatos was agitating, stirring up his own feelings of apprehension.

Whatever was waiting for them - scientists and laboratories and Shadows and Personas and at the end of it all the personification of death itself, and maybe, just maybe, a robot girl who had looked at him with such sorrow ten years past - most of it probably wouldn’t be good.

He probably wouldn’t even survive it.

But at the very least, he thought as he stepped from the station and into the coffin-strewn street to the dorms, he wouldn’t be alone through it. Thanatos would stay with him.

Although getting to the dorms and finding him smiling cheerfully behind the check-in desk with a quip that he was here awfully late made him suspect that the Shadow- Persona, would likely be stepping up his obnoxiousness and pushiness towards socializing and trying things.

… the contract was unexpected, but Thanatos likely had his reasons - even if he was pointedly keeping them to himself for the moment - so Minato just sighed and signed the book. As he handed it over he asked, “Are you planning to tell me what that’s about?”

Thanatos just smiled enigmatically at him, folding the contract close to his chest as though it was something precious. “All in due time, my dear Minato. All questions will be answered and all secrets revealed soon enough.” He closed his eyes thoughtfully for a moment. “No one can escape time. It delivers all equally to the same end.” He focused back on Minato and the fold vanished with a twist of his wrist. “You can’t plug your ears or cover your eyes to escape.”

The lights of the dorm began fading around them, shadows creeping up the walls and across the floor, and Thanatos smiled and reached out to Minato as they wrapped around him.

“And so it begins.”

And then he was gone, returning back to Minato’s soul with something mischievous about him that Minato didn’t feel like figuring out, and Minato was left standing along in the dark entranceway.

No one could escape the end. He’d known that.

They both knew that whatever happened in this place, during this year, would be an ending of sorts. It was just a matter of what kind of end. He placed a hand on his chest, where the scar from the seal still lay. But whatever it was - they couldn’t escape it. They knew that.

So they would just have to take what happened as it was, no matter what it brought.

He was at the beginning of the end.

“Who’s there?!”

~ ᙙᙖ ~

This was fun! It was also twice as long as it was supposed to be, but such is my curse with writing these days. The Ryomina was more implied than explicitly stated, admittedly, but I got caught up in the childhood friends part of it.

Also blink and you miss it Akechi cameo lol

[nawysstuff]

In the Shadow of Curses: A Love Unbroken

Disclaimer: angst, mlm.

Pair: Satoru Gojo x Suguru Geto.

Geto slumped heavily onto the worn, tattered sofa, his heart burdened by the agonizing wait for Gojo's return from yet another perilous mission. Gojo, the strongest sorcerer known to all, was always the first choice when it came to confronting curses that no one else dared to face. The house seemed emptier, colder, without the presence of the one man who had stolen not only Geto's heart but his very essence.

With a deep, melancholic sigh, Geto turned his attention to the flickering images on the television screen, where a stranger's voice resonated through the room like a haunting melody. "When you really love someone," the voice intoned, "you see all their mess, their shattered pieces, and yet, you love them still. In fact, it's precisely those broken fragments that make you love them even more."

Geto's eyes drifted from the TV, his gaze vacant but brimming with the weight of sorrow and longing. He couldn't help but relate those words to Gojo, the man he loved more than life itself. The memory of Gojo's smiles, his messy hair, and the scars he bore from countless battles were etched in Geto's heart, becoming all the more precious with their imperfections. Every scar told a story, every flaw held a piece of Gojo's soul, and Geto cherished them all, even as they tormented his soul in Gojo's absence.

The room was steeped in silence, the words on the television screen reverberating in his mind like a dirge for his own broken heart. Geto's love for Gojo, in all its torment and imperfection, was a testament to the depths of his sorrow. It was a love that had been tested by distance, danger, and darkness, and yet, it burned with an intensity that only the darkest of sorcery could rival.

Love! He mused to himself, a complex, enigmatic emotion that had him ensnared in its intricate web. His thoughts swirled like a tempestuous storm, an endless spiral of longing and confusion. Yet, amidst his tumultuous introspection, an unfamiliar voice called out his name, shattering the fragile sanctuary of his reverie.

"Suguru, Suguru, can you hear me?"

Startled, Geto's gaze snapped from the abyss of his thoughts to the source of the voice. There, before him, stood Gojo, his presence marred by the unmistakable signs of brutal battle—bruised, bloodied, and gasping for breath. Time seemed to halt as Geto's heart raced with dread.

"Satoru, oh my God," Geto stammered, his voice trembling, his emotions in turmoil. "How... How did this happen?"

Geto struggled to form coherent words, desperate to hold onto his composure as his world teetered on the precipice of despair. Gojo, despite his injuries, tried to reassure him with a faint, brave smile. "It's okay, Suguru. I'm fine, just need some rest."

But Geto's composure was hanging by a thread, and as Gojo's weakened form succumbed to unconsciousness, it snapped. "No, not again, Satoru!"

Geto gently cradled Gojo's battered body in his arms, a surge of panic coursing through him. He rushed Gojo to the bedroom, his movements quick and deft as he sought to staunch the bleeding, change Gojo's blood-soaked clothes. In the process, he became acutely aware of his own appearance, drenched in Gojo's blood.

His hands shook, breath came in ragged gasps, and his thoughts whirled with the terrifying what-ifs. "What if he had been gravely hurt and couldn't have made it here in time? What if..." Panic threatened to overwhelm him.

"I should take a bath," Geto whispered to himself, his voice trembling. After an agonizing fifteen minutes of struggle, he managed to tear himself away from his beloved's side, desperate to wash away the physical and emotional toll of the day. The water ran hot, but it did little to wash away the anguished turmoil that had taken root in his soul, entwined with his profound love for Gojo.

The steam from the hot water enveloped Geto in a comforting embrace as he stood beneath the showerhead. But no matter how scalding the water, it couldn't cleanse the stain of dread and sorrow that clung to his very essence. Each droplet seemed to echo the anguished thoughts that raced through his mind.

As the water cascaded over his body, he couldn't help but replay the moment when he'd first laid eyes on Gojo, battered and bruised, a vision that had filled him with a paralyzing fear he'd never known. The feeling of Gojo's blood on his hands, an indelible reminder of the fragility of the love they shared, left Geto shaken to his core.

The bathroom was filled with a disorienting blend of steam and the sound of running water. Geto leaned his forehead against the cool tiles, his chest heavy with the weight of his emotions. "Satoru," he whispered through trembling lips, as if the name itself held the power to mend his shattered heart.

Time seemed to stretch on, both eternal and fleeting, and as Geto emerged from the shower, he found himself faced with the image of Gojo still unconscious in the bedroom. The wounds were dressed, but Gojo's pallor spoke volumes about the ordeal he'd endured.

Geto sat by Gojo's side, gently cradling his hand and pressing it to his lips. A silent vow formed in the depths of his soul—to protect, to love, and to never let Gojo face such horrors alone again.

The room, though dimly lit, felt like a sanctuary. The steady rhythm of Gojo's breathing was a poignant reassurance. As Geto settled beside him, he knew that the tangled web of love, pain, and longing they shared would never be easy to unravel. Yet, in this moment, amidst the shards of their vulnerability, it was the profound and undying love they held for each other that illuminated their path through the dark.

With a heavy heart and fervent hope, Geto whispered, "We'll face it all together, Satoru. No more lonely battles." And in that room, filled with the remnants of anguish, they clung to each other, bound by a love as powerful as the sorcery they both wielded, a love that had been tested and found to be unbreakable.

Author's Note:

Hi y'all, Nawy here. It's my very first attempt of writing. I hope you enjoyed it 🌼

[sojournerdiraq]

Cold Circuit, Chapter One:

Alright, so here's the first chapter, written over the course of three days. I'm liking where this is going so far, honestly. Sibyl seems like she's gonna be an...interesting MC:

Anyways, here's the taglist:

@foyle-writes-things @thatqueerweirdo

Let me know if you wish to be added or removed!

I'm gonna make some proper character introductions a bit later, too!

“What do you recall from your time in the Hermes division?”

“Bombs… I remember the…bombs falling, Old Man Graves’ design.”

“Old Man Graves? Didn’t think they still used his patents after the shit he pulled.”

“They aren’t his patents anymore, Viv.”

“Right, right, they’re for the Lockhart Corp, designed by none other than Felicity Graves herself. God, I might actually shoot my shot with her if she wasn’t such a high-class bitch.” 

“She’s heiress apparent to the Lockhart Defense Corp and you’re in my apartment, smoking and shagging me. No offense, Diane, but she’s out of your league.”

I sit up and open my eyes, the neo-fluoresent light irritating my left eye.

Next to me sits the mercenary, a woman I hired for reasons that seem to elude me.

“You’re still here.” I say, taking in her soft features.

Misleading for someone of her caliber.

A black woman, military cropped hair, a pistol in her lap. Her citron eyes fixed on the control panel.

“You paid me well,” she answers.

Fuuuck, how much did I pay the merc for her to be this thorough?

If she’s here to kill me, why the hell didn’t she do it already?

“Anything new?”

I raise my left arm to the cord jacked into my spinal cord, a sense of despair washing over me as I adjust to realspace once again.

Despair? What connection do I have to…

“Another cold circuit.” I tell the mercenary.

My left arm whirs softly.

I wiggle the prosthetic fingers, a standard test to ensure my neurons are intact.

A cold circuit. Streetspeak for an implanted memory.

I seem to come across a lot of those as of late.

The merc’s gaze remains fixed on the control panel.

“Have I paid you yet?”

“Yeah.” the merc answers. “Two billion. Upfront, like you promised.”

“Where did I—”

“Neurocryptographer, Sibyl, we’ve been through this already.”

“You’re not going to tell me any more?”

“You didn’t let me. You’d fry my nervous system otherwise.”

A sigh escapes my lips.

Whatever my past self was running from, she didn’t make it easy for me to trace.

Neurocryptography.

That explains why I…well…she…could shell out such an obscene amount of cash.

“Let’s get something to eat. Fine dining in cyberspace doesn’t satisfy me anymore.”

So, I…she…was a neurocryptographer, and according to the headliners I’ve scavenged,  a damn good one, too. Good enough to encrypt her own mind, pump it with cold circuits and hire a mercenary.

She’s the one who named me…I think.

The mercenary and I approach the entrance to La Mano de Plata, awaiting the expectant gaze of Rox, a heavyset man approaching his hundreds with the grace and nobility of a kickboxer. I’d always likened him, with his brown skin, curled black hair, and high cheekbones, to another historic figure, the one known as Muhammad Ali.

“Cybernetic enhancements in the Vault, Sibyl.”

“I know the drill, Rox.” I add, raising my arms. “Would you give us a moment?” 

The man nods, and the mercenary and I retreat into the back alley just behind the cafe.

“I fucking hate doing this.”

“These are precautions against any cryptanalysts, you said so yourself.”

I roll my eyes. Whatever happened to put these precautions in place must have been for good measure.

Or I must have been a dangerous asset.

“Whatever, let’s just be quick with it, ‘kay?”

The mercenary’s hands move slowly, steadily, with laserlike precision. Her left finger taps the iris of my right eye, and upon contact, my vision in the right eye begins to blur, initiating the shutdown process.

“I am going to extract it now, are you ready, Sibyl?”

“Yeah…I think.” 

 Two fingers claw their way into my eye socket, feeling around for the main wire attached to my optic nerve.

We’ve done this procedure thousands of times, ever since I woke up six months ago, but over the last three weeks I’ve been especially dreading the removal of my cybernetics

It is as though a piece of my soul, my very identity, is being torn from me.

“Extraction’s complete, Sibyl,” the mercenary’s voice says, and there’s an unusual softness to it. She allows herself to rest very briefly, before handing me the gold laced eyepatch.

I turn my left shoulder towards her as my prosthetic, a dated contraption of gears, wires and escheresque circuitry, is lulled to sleep.

“Do you have any oil?” I ask.

“What for?”

“I want to upgrade my arm tonight. Some of the pulleys snapped when I was training.”

 At this, the merc lets out a smug laugh.

“They call you a brilliant inventor, and yet you can barely take care of the most important machine you own.”

“In my defense, I’ve only very recently learned how it works. It still needs to be…it needs some getting used to, I guess.”

“Did you read the owner’s manual Tavares gave you?”

“Not…not yet.”

 “You rush into battle without learning about your most vital weapon and wonder why it’s not serving its intended purpose.” The mercenary sighs. “Let me take a look at it.”

I detach the prosthetic, clenching my jaw as cybernetic wires detach itself from the nerves in my shoulder. With my right handd, I reach into the inner pocket of my ratty trench coat, searching for a smooth, malleable vial of liquid Galinstan.

The vial itself touches my fingertips, and I allow my fingers to close around the vial.

It is warm.

A metallic warmth that sends a shiver down my spine, a reminder of my origins.

If I can feel the warmth of the Galistan vial, if I can remember what warmth feels like…it’s proof that I’m alive.

The mercenary reaches into her own satchel, and from it emerges the semi-spherical copper-nickel encasing used to cover the exposed nerve endings on my shoulder from outside agents.

I hand the vial to the mercenary and exchange it for the encasing, gingerly placing the metal shield so that my nerves are not any more agitated than necessary.

“I’ll have to take this to Cell later, but now…”

I never understood the mercenary’s change in demeanor after removing my cybernetics. At first, I was offended, but now, I find it somewhat comforting. A sign that the mercenary still enjoys my presence.

You said that I am to treat you as an enemy whenever you are jacked into your cybernetics, the mercenary once told me, you are a careful one, Sibyl. I will not treat you as an enemy, but my demeanor will be more formal.

I toss those words in my mind.

If I am not the danger, then…

What is?

Why did I take so many precautions before my self-encryption?

The mercenary makes her way to Rox, placing my prosthetic in the Vault.

“Mama Zoraya and Celephaïs are in the storage room,” Rox says, “those two’ve been expecting you, Sibyl.”

The owners of La Mano de Plata Cafe, Mama Zoraya and her kid, Celephaïs, looked no older than twenty, despite the mother pushing ninety and the kid being thirty-five.

Right now, however, in the dimly lit, sparsely organized storeroom which we entered, sat the kid, surrounded by a healthy mix of melee and ranged weapons, smart bullets and explosives, all encased in a thin translucent casing, behind a sheet of altered hologlass.

“You’re here early, Sibyl.” Celephaïs muses, looking up from their katana.

I never understood why Cell treasured that thing, saying it was a gift from their late father, , but considering the fact that I was the one who retrieved Ryunosuke’s blade from the Graves Estate…

“Couldn’t miss out on Mama Zoraya’s exemplary Synthetik bacon.” I tell them. “Plus, we could use the company. I hit another cold circuit and I wanna debrief.”

They push the blade aside and meet my gaze. Strands of white hair brush across their face, and their pale skin almost reminds me of some supernatural creature.

“What makes you think you hit a cold circuit?”

“I…I don’t know, Cell. It just…didn’t feel right.”

They mutter something under their breath about paranoia and genius, before standing up and heading to the door.

“Let’s take your mind off that for now. Would you like to join me?”

“I don’t…yeah. I think so.”

Cell offers me a gentle, reassuring smile, adding “Let me know if it gets overwhelming. These aren’t your usual hours.”

“Thanks, Cell.” 

I turn to the mercenary and watch her eyes soften a little.

“Don’t worry about me, Sibyl. I’ll wait here.”

“Are you sure?”

 “I am very sure. I do not wish to run into some…old clientele, shall we say.”

The mercenary chose those words, old clientele, very, very carefully, and even without my right eye, I can tell that this is a topic best left for another time. Preferably when all this is over.

I nod, respecting the mercenary’s wishes, and I turn my attention to the door.

“Let’s get going,” I mutter, and Cell pushes the door open, picking up a tray of food on their way out.

The first thing I learned about La Mano de Plata: the cybernetic ban applies to everyone who steps foot in this bar, no matter their background or affiliations.

Neutral ground, Mama Zoraya called it.

And tonight, it seems busier than usual.

“We have a special guest tonight,” Celephais explains, “Felicity’s boytoy.”

“The proper term, I think, is fiancee.”

Celephais sets down a plate of instant fried rice with an unknown synthetic curry, garnished with basil leaves and Ygrian double-sauce. 

“A specialty,” they tell the patron, a girl who looks no older than twelve, “from the Old Argentine cuisine.”

The girl smiles wordlessly and unwraps the bandage from her neck, revealing a nu-silver cylindrical implant, no larger than three inches in diameter.

“It’s said to enhance your taste buds, the latest tech from Marren International.” Cell answers, and the girl beams pridefully.

A well of pity rises up into my throat.

And disgust, as bitter as bile.

Eleanor Marren, if you ask me, is a hack, an underdeveloped shitstain of an inventor who’s main goal is to con the entire world into thinking she’s some sort of fucking saviour of humanity, ushering in a new age, taking humanity to Mars (she’s said that for the last twenty five years, or so I’ve read), and the only thing I can ever truly credit her for is how intricate her stupid little song-and-dance has become, a jester who believes herself to be a queen.

I’m unsure why I bear such venomous hatred for her, but whatever the reason, I have a slight suspicion that it has something to do with my current mess.

“She can’t talk for a month after the surgery is done, but when she gets her voice back, she sings like a canary,” Cell pauses, furrowing their brow and adding,  “do you know what those are, Sibyl?”

The girl points to the table behind her, a gruff old man impatiently eyeing the tray.

 “Right, thank you.”

Cell makes their way to the impatient man, apologizing.

“Polo, guv, we’ve got a mollycase here.”

“Sure fuckin’ looks like it,” the old man snorts, eyeing me with disdain as Cell sets his plate on the table.

Moving onto the next customer, I lower my voice to a hiss, sailing under the drunk crowd.

“A mollycase? The fuck were you thinking, throwing me under the train like that?”

“Polo, Sibyl, but that’s a Lockhart executive, I gotta kiss his ass if we wanna keep runnin’. We all make sacrifices.”

“The hell is a Lockie doin’ here?”

“Prob’ly something to do with that boytoy—ah, fiancee— of Felicity’s. Look, he’s not too far from us.”.

Four tables away sits a man eating pancakes, staring at a board.

I recognize that board, a 19 by 19 grid, black and white stones tucked neatly on opposite sides of the table.

His yellow, feline eyes are focused on the white stones. 

“That’s Kaspar Richelieux, some nouveau riche jackass who’s gonna take a piece of Lockie pie in a month. The Usenet has its fair share of opinions on him.”

The usenet. I haven’t been there since I woke up, and the mercenary strongly advised me against jacking into it.

I’d be traceable, she’d warned.

That was six months ago. Six months, and I’m no closer to the truth.

I take a step towards the table.

“Fuck, you really are a mollycase,” Cell mutters, knitting his eyebrows, “whatever, Sibyl. Your funeral, right?”

“He…looks familiar.”

“I know you’re usually full of shit but this…this takes the cake.”

I ignore them and approach the table.

Kaspar looks up, raising a cybernetic arm in greeting.

His arm is the exact make and model as mine.

“Sit. What would you like?”

“I wanted…” I pause, placing both my index fingers on my forehead, trying to massage my thoughts into clarity. The index finger on my left hand feels…different…distorted, somehow.

“I wanted something from Synthetik. The bacon, I think.” I continue

“Of course, let me help with that.”

Kaspar flags down a waiter, a few strands of his shoulder-length raven-black hair covering his face.

“Synthetik Bacon for our new guest, if you would be so kind.” the waiter nods, and Kaspar turns back to me.

“Have you played?” he asks, motioning to the mahogany board.

“I…I think so,” I tell him.

“I guess we’ll just have to find out, then. Black or white?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Kaspar reaches for the white stones, and I reach for the black ones.

“A game of perfect information, you know.”

 Perfect…information.

That term is a familiar one, but I can’t quite parse why.

“Name?”

“Sibyl. You?”

“Kaspar.”

“Pleasure.”

“Likewise.”

We play for another seven moves, my mind racing.

This man…he has the same cybernetic model as I do…

And yet…

“So why’d you become a Lockie?”

“So that’s what they’re calling us now,” he laughs, “Fel’d get a kick out of this one.”

“Are you on the usenet?”

“That’s my PR team,” Kaspar admits, placing a stone on the board. By now, he’s captured two stones, “I’m on locknet.”

“Ugh, you elites and your privatized internet. Get a fucking job like the rest of us.”

“I do have a job, Sibyl, it’s being Felicity’s boytoy.”

Huh, Celephais was right!

“So why are you here?”

“I’m in search of…vintage items. Things from before Old Man Graves and Miss Marren’s influence. Anything prior to 2030. You know, books, physical media, retro consoles, the like.”

“So you’re a collector?”

“You can say that.”

I capture a stone.

“What’re you in here for, then?”

Kaspar grins, a small, impish grin that would probably pay the Cafe’s debt three times over.

“Mama Zoraya has food. Real food, not the kind of Synthetik shit you find in the stores. Real meat, real corn, real vegetables. Some say that she’s a gardener, which is why nobody’s allowed in her kitchen.”

Kaspar leans back on his chair, detaches his hand at the wrist, and types some code into his forearm. The metallic hand springs to life, scurrying to the far end of our table to pick up a stone, before returning to the board and placing it at its very center.

“Of course,” he adds, “all this is hearsay.”

A garden…

“Your Synthetik bacon, miss.” The waiter places a plate down with three warped, lightly browned strips of Synthetik.

“Thanks, guv.” Kaspar closes his eyes momentarily, opening them again to face the waiter.

“Keep the change,” he says.

“The…the National Bank —”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll talk to them. Enjoy your night, guv.”

 “Never would’ve taken you for a philanthropist.”

“Imperfect information on your part, Sibyl. You should know better.”

I should?

I…should…

There’s a dull, hammering ache in my forehead, and it travels to the back of my left eye. I shut my eye, blocking out the light until the ache subsides

I know this feeling all too well.

I’ve stumbled into a wall, a tangled neuron connection in my brain.

An encrypted memory.

“The trench coat you’re wearing,” Kaspar says, “how much for it?”

“Not for sale,” I answer, gritting my teeth.

“Everything has a price, you just have to find it. Let’s start with—”

“Not for sale.”

“Alright, alright, polo, Sibyl. I’ll try again later.”

Kaspar places a stone on the mahogany board.

[psalmonesermons]

Dealing with unfairness as a believer

Going the extra mile

What is the most unfair thing that has ever happened to you?

You might have been passed over for a job or promotion when you were best qualified or placed to get it. Your parents might have shown favouritism towards one of your brother or sisters e.g. Jacob/Joseph. Your husband or wife has let you down badly, or you might have been accused of something you never did by your family, neighbours or even the police leading to a false imprisonment.

Personal testimony

When I was a boy, my family were quite poor and did not have many valuables. However, one time my mother received a Churchill crown (a coin), considered to be valuable. When I was a young teenager, my mother took me aside one day, and entrusted the Churchill crown to my safe keeping, I hid it in an old piece of furniture. I forgot all about it for several years, when the matter of the coin was raised at a family gathering, I could not account for it. I knew that I had not sold it or disposed of it, someone in the family had taken it! I became the butt of family jokes, such as do not give anything to him to look after, look what happened to the Churchill crown! The stigma of an unjust accusation hung over me for many years until eventually a family member gave me another Churchill crown.

This experience helped me to identify in a very small way with those suffering from injustice or unfairness.

It is not a nice feeling, when you realize that you are being treated unfairly but we must handle unfairness or sense of injustice in a Godly way. Let us turn to God’s word to learn how to cope with unfairness and injustice.

Definitions

Unfair: is not fair, unjust, or not just, biased, prejudiced, contrary to rules of the game (or life).

Matthew 5:38-45

God’s instructions on how to deal with unfairness or injustice.

Verse 41; In every situation going the extra mile, there are two parties. The one is you (in your circumstance) we always assume the Christian will be one compelled but are you the one forcing another person to go the extra mile. Make sure you are the one being forced to go the extra mile and not the other party who is doing the forcing!

Extortion (see 1 Corinthians 6:10)

Demanding more of them than is fair or necessary.

Does your spouse always have to give in?

Do you always insist on getting your own way?

This is the sin of extortion which is forcing people to go or to give more than they are willing.

Extortion is not just about money but making unfair demands on someone’s life with the threat of emotional blackmail.

Love never demands its own way. Love never is not selfish and self-seeking.

Matthew 5:41

The act of love (by going an extra mile) defuses an act of selfishness. Love covers a multitude of sins. Jesus tells us if someone forces us to go one mile, then go with him two miles. Somehow this going the extra mile neutralizes the power of selfishness.

2 Timothy 3:12

The devil has a special form of unfairness called persecution through which he tempts the believer to be ashamed of being a Christian and with the goal of getting you turn away from God and his word.

How did Jesus Christ handle his persecution and unfairness?

Acts 8:32-33 (see also Isaiah 53:7-8)

Humiliated and persecuted he did not even speak in his own defence. Jesus Christ would be tortured and killed, but because of his love for God the Father and his love for mankind he endured the ultimate injustice and unfairness and was silent like lamb before his shearers. He who was without sin, was made to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteous of God (2 Corinthians 5:31).

God the Father did not spare God the Son from great suffering in his earthly ministry. It seems that for all Christians living Godly lives, then we can expect some persecution and unfairness will come.

But don’t despair, but count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance, and perseverance must develop so that you may become mature and complete, lacking nothing in your walk with God.

God although allowing some injustice in our lives, never lets us be tempted above our measure when we are hurting through injustice. We can go to God and ask for judgement in the Old Testament sense, knowing that the judge of all the earth will do right.

Psalm 7:8

Judge me, O Lord, according to my righteous, according to my integrity says the psalmist. God is the one who vindicates his people.

Conclusion

When unfairness comes, walk the extra mile, show love which disarms evil or selfishness and when the pressure gets too great, then call out to the judge of all the earth knowing that he will do right.

Amen

Prayer

[simplegenius042]

Azriel - Daughter of Joseph, Hija of Silva

Now early on in mid to late 2022, I had posted a little “what if” scenario. That being, “what if Rook was Joseph’s daughter (aka Baby Girl Seed)?” (or alternatively what if Baby Girl Seed lived and became a junior deputy)

And that title’s pretty self-explanatory, but it essentially came up with the scenario that Joseph didn’t kill his infant daughter (either he failed to do so or his stress and despair tricked him into thinking he did), which regardless of how that happened, would displease the Voice, but they’d somehow work with it.

Anyway, I started to wonder how I could work this in my own fanfiction, and change it up to fit my storytelling needs and have something different beyond “a deputy who is important to the Seeds in some way comes along to put a stop to their madness”, while also involving Silva.

And at this time I was struggling with how to properly convey one of my other storylines Far Cry El Industrial’s Reign, or what it had been originally called at the time “Far Cry The Powerbroker’s Reign”. Instead of being a 26-year-old junior deputy, Silva is a 37-year-old businesswoman who owns an industry in Hope County, while also being the leader of a group called the Tumultites (with some connections to the criminal underworld) who wanted to live free and in some state of peace from a government and system that failed and abandoned them. The struggle was mostly with how the conflict between Eden’s Gate and the Tumultites could be more deeply personal beyond different ideals, similar yet different traumas and whatnot.

So one thing led to another and I ultimately decided that Baby Girl Seed in this continuity would become this Silva’s adopted daughter, Azriel.

How exactly does this happen? Well, my dear reader, join me on a ride of a lifetime.

First, imagine with me. Just for the moment. Back to that hospital room, where Joseph was left alone with his perfect and alive infant daughter, stuffed with tubes, but breathing. We all know the story. Of how Joseph was in awe at how, despite a tragic event occurring, he could see his baby daughter alive, and yet left with him. A nobody. From nowhere. With nothing. And uncertain how to proceed in the unknown, unplanned future. Or, at least, he thought it was...

Joseph would hear a voice. The Voice. That dreadful voice belonging to a self-serving, malicious and overall cruel entity that could care less about the lives of so many poor souls in need, looking for another sheep to blindly follow its deceiving words, wanting to play with its chosen victim till they break in satiating its spiteful and malevolent hunger. But Joseph does not view it at this. He mistakes this fraud’s voice for the voice of God. And maybe it is, but who can be for sure. Regardless, the Voice has caught its trusting and unaware prey with its vicious hooks, giving Joseph a mockery of a play disguised as a benevolent mission meant to “save” people. Telling Joseph he could have everything he’s ever wanted (his family, a world without needless suffering, a peaceful garden) and more... for a price.

Then comes the price.

Now Joseph only believes what he’s about to do, is for the best interest for his little girl. Believing that it’s for the best that she goes up to the heavens, with his late wife, amongst the angels. For really, where would a pure and new soul go but back to the loving Lord? That is a lie the Voice encourages and feeds into as Joseph goes to complete his “test”... to ultimately decide to become the Father instead of a father. Only the Voice knows that there was no choice in the first place. It chose Joseph, in this moment, because it knew that his loss, his grief, and his faith to “God” would give it the advantage. The edge in pushing Joseph to make a decision that will haunt him, and yet believe be resolute in. Until the day he realises. And on that day, it will cherish every tear that comes forth from the man.

And Joseph would pinch close one of the tubes, the ones that let her breathe, and watch as his infant daughter kicks her legs, squirms, and then still. A flatline. Indicating her ascension. Sent to a higher plane of existence. A better place.

The Voice would be satisfied by this generous donation and will speak to Joseph as he leaves the hospital, to become an infliction of pain and misery upon the mortal Earth, its playground, under the careful disguise as its shepherd, an instrument it will fiddle with until Joseph knows the meaning of suffering.

And so Joseph leaves that hospital, and the body of his infant daughter behind for the doctors to deal with. His past and the future of what could have been, dead.

Now imagine the room, the infant, abandoned in a cold, sterile, hospital. Father long gone. On his mission.

Almost lifeless.

Beep

Almost.

Beep

Do you hear the monitor? Do you see the flat line jump, then jump again, and once more, until it continuously goes at a steady pace.

Or perhaps the pinched tube fixing itself to the posture it once had been, opening to let the air pass.

Or do you see her leg kick. Once. Twice. Then a third time. Squirming. Then finally drawing breath, accepting the oxygen offered.

By sheer luck, through undoubtable chance, and unquestionable impossibility... She survived.

End imagination.

[MY LAPTOP DID NOT SAVE WHAT I HAD WRITTEN IN DETAIL SO I’M GONNA RUSH THROUGH THE BACKSTORY UNTIL WE GET TO THE GOOD PARTS]

Doctors later find Baby Girl Seed without her father and can’t get a hold of him, and since she’s breathing and making a good recovery, they tend to her health until she is given to the foster care system (something Joseph would likely feel guilt about if he ever found out).

For six years, Baby Girl Seed is now called Aria, and her stay in the foster homes since infancy has its moments of ups and downs, and gave her attachment and anxiety issues, poor social skills, probably bottled up depression and anger, however she did pick up skills on tinkering, keen observation and inventing. She’s adopted by the Rivers family, but only Mrs Rivers is really excited about it.

Aria makes a close connection with Mrs Rivers, but its short-lived, as Mrs Rivers passes away, and is left in the care of the neglectful Mr Rivers, the oldest River brother's malicious teasing, as well as the youngest River brother's ghost-like presence. Aria’s time at an all-girls school is filled with mocking words in regard to her status as the adopted Rivers child, unable to properly build connections with other girls in a deeply personal and empathetic level, as well as the fact her hobbies to tinker and invent aren’t “girly” and therefore not interesting to any of the girls.

Three years later, in 2007, at age 9, Aria’s never felt so lonely.

Then 26-year-old Silva and her fellow Tumultites kidnap Mr Rivers (the previous captain of the Enforcers in Omar’s Guard) to get whereabouts of Father Adam Omar and what he’s been doing, planning on letting him go afterwards.

However, Oscar Lapis, the new current captain, intercepts the Tumultites at a factory along with his patrol of Enforcers.

The Rivers' brothers make the stupid decision to rescue their father during a shootout, while Aria tries to help by taking advantage of the factory’s main functions and using one of her inventions to blow up the pressure built.

She gets blown out the window but survives so she’s not complaining and is rather cheery that her invention worked.

How about everyone else?

Well, Mr Rivers is dead, Oscar retreated with the remaining enforcers who hadn’t been obliterated in the explosion, Silva and her fellow Tumultites survived and are recovering, and oldest brother gets mad at Aria and leaves her behind in the rain as he takes an unconscious youngest brother to a hospital.

Long-story-short, this leads to Silva finding Aria alone, and the girl jumps into the older woman’s arms despite the scarring surrounding Silva’s deformed illuminating silver left eye, contrasting her healthy normal grey right eye, making her look quite intimidating. So Silva pretty much adopts Aria on the spot because she knows what its like to be abandoned to fend for herself.

And so, Silva and the Tumultites take Aria back home... to the Underworld.

[NOW ON TO THE GOOD PARTS!]

You see, this now goes into main story territory.

The next events to happen are in these stories (that are yet to come out I’m afraid).

First would be Of Mother And Daughters, which takes place in the eleven years 9-year-old Aria spends with Silva in the Underworld, fighting for control over the cesspool of a society to gain the power and resources necessary to build Tumult, a place where Silva’s people and the people of the Underworld can have stability again, away from the present society and Father Omar’s society as well. First arc Includes politics, murder, questionable morals, sabotage, mother-daughter bonding, Aria transitioning to her own identity as Azriel, and found family with tearjerkers and heart-warming moments mixed in between. As well as introductions to how characters met characters. There is a time skip at some point where Azriel is no longer 9 turning 10 years old and is 12 turning 13 in the second arc, where the Tumultites are gathering more people and transitioning a full presence over in Hope County. The third arc will have Azriel at age 15 (and over) as the Tumultites establish themselves in Hope County right until the arrest of Joseph happens, leading to the second story

Then comes the second story, that being the main story of Far Cry El Industrial’s Reign, which takes place during the events of Far Cry 5, except the Tumultites are major players as well, and trying to live honestly and build their dream city. Eden's Gate and Omar's Guard become a major problem to that goal though, especially with revelations between families.

The last story is the New Dawn post story, which as Persephone Omar act as Thomas Rush's Captain of Security. Tumult has been built and it thrives. At that point the story could either take a fluffy slice of life happy ending or a bittersweet goodbye for Azriel to move on to her own life, acknowledging her grief with help from what remains of her family.

Anyway, that's all folks.

[devilofthehounds]

God Eater 3 Character Novel | In the Name of the White Flower: Chapter 6

[image id: A novel cover. Hilda Henriquez from God Eater 3 stands in the foreground. In the background are profile shots of Abraham Gadolin (top left) and Werner Gadolin (bottom right). Separating the two are a pair of red armlets, streaks of dried blood overlaid on top of them. The text, when translated into English, reads, “God Eater 3 Character Novel | Chapter 5: Hilda Edition | In the Name of the White Flower”. /end id]

This is a fan translation. Original text here.

Masterpost 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

Adaptive God Eater. AGE.

With the discovery of "Adaptive Bias Factor", which could provide resistance to the ash that made up the Ashlands, God Eaters who were found to be compatible with it came to be known as AGEs.

However, compatibility could only be determined by administering both ash and adaptive bias factor into the subject's body. If the subject was incompatible, they would die.

To increase the success rate even the slightest bit, veteran God Eaters with high compatibility were selected one after another as test subjects. However, the success rate was below five percent, and many lost their lives during these aptitude tests.

Even so, for the sake of humanity.

With those words in mind, many brave heroes volunteered to take the AGE aptitude test.

Unless someone could overcome this ordeal of a second aptitude test, there would be no future for humanity.

With the sacrifice of hundreds, even thousands of precious souls, research into ash and adaptive bias factor progressed, and a procedure for the aptitude test granting a small but high chance of success was established.

And yet.

"I... lost another subordinate to the AGE aptitude test today."

The heart of one who stood atop a pile of corpses could not be saved.

Late one night, I found Werner slumped over in his room, looking as though he were a million miles away.

"The truth is, I intended to take the aptitude test before anyone else did. I thought that, by showing them the way, I could give them even a little courage... but..."

With Fenrir now effectively defunct, Gleipnir and Governor-General Gadolin had begun to exert their influence throughout Europe.

Werner, the governor-general's son, would never be allowed to put his life at such risk.

"Too many people have died... And now, even the very mention of 'AGE' strikes fear into the hearts of God Eaters. Every day, I can only watch as my comrades die one after another, my only assignment being to suppress the innocents who have begun to riot out of fear and panic... What am I even doing anymore?"

One day, your efforts will be rewarded. You will be able to once again pursue your dream.

I couldn't bring myself to give him words of encouragement. It felt as though it would diminish the weight of the lives sacrificed thus far.

Still, I wanted to help heal his broken heart, even just a little.

I wanted to tell him that no matter how cruel reality became, I would remain by his side.

Without a word, I gently embraced him.

"...I'm sorry, Hilda. I've been pretty pathetic lately, huh?"

Werner smiled weakly as he stood up.

"I've heard that the improved aptitude tests for the second generation of AGEs will begin tomorrow. Let's hope it will reduce the number of casualties, even if only a little. ...Please, rest for today."

I watched as Werner left the room, then hung my head in despair.

Werner was no longer a researcher, eyes shining with dreams. Now, he was only a God Eater, expected to fulfill his duties.

The one I had walked with, the two of us searching for the same light, was getting further and further away. I couldn't help but feel frustrated as I started to lose sight of what it meant to stand by him.

The next day.

I decided to visit Iris and the others in the residential area of the base.

But the children were nowhere to be found.

"Where did everyone...?"

It was strange. There didn't seem to be a single child within the base.

I desperately ran from place to place, searching for Iris and the others.

"Ha... Ha... Hilda!"

Soon, Werner appeared, looking as out of breath as I felt.

In his wide-open eyes, I could see confusion, as well as a faint flame of anger.

"Werner... Iris... The children... I can't find them..."

"...!"

Werner turned on his heel and ran off. Instinctively, I followed after him.

We arrived at the governor-general's office.

As soon as we entered, Werner's fiery, incensed voice roared out.

"Father, what have you done?!"

I staggered closer to Governor-General Gadolin as he silently endured his son's wrath.

"Governor-General... The children...?"

I desperately hoped I was wrong.

In my heart, I held onto that hope as I asked one single question.

"...The children of this base have been sent to take the second-generation AGE aptitude test."

The shock made me fall to my knees, as if I had been punched.

"The adaptive bias factor, as with the standard aptitude test, tends to have a higher compatibility the younger the subject is... There was no other choice."

"Don't give me that! You forced children to become God Eaters?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Werner grabbed his father by the collar, but Governor-General Gadolin maintained his composure.

"I knew you would react like this. If I had told you, you would have tried to prevent it."

"Of course I would have! Father, how could you?!"

"For the future of humanity."

That one sentence created a decisive crack in something unseen.

The starting point of our dream.

We had envisioned a world where no one would have to say those words.

"Second-generation experiments have already begun throughout Europe. We have no choice but to place our hopes in the children."

"Father... You... Do you understand what you're saying?"

"Despise me all you like. However..."

The governor-general coolly removed Werner's hand as he stood dazed.

"This is the path we must walk."

The governor-general took his leave.

Werner's hands were braced on his father's desk. He hung his head in silence, thinking.

"There might still be time to save at least some of them..."

Carrying those words like a prayer, Werner left the room with a ghostly gait.

I was left alone in the governor-general's office, further from my dream than I had ever been.

"Ah... Aaaaah...!"

I could no longer hold back my tears.

Iris. The children. In my mind, I saw the smiles of those whose hearts had connected to mine, so vivid it bordered on cruelty.

The path we adults had chosen to walk would swallow up the lives of more children than we could ever imagine.

Stepping over the corpses of children to pursue my dream—I could never do that.

That bright dream itself was being swallowed up by the darkness of reality.

After that, I couldn't remember where I walked, or how.

"Seems like children will be taking the AGE aptitude test from now on... Honestly, I'm relieved."

The image of God Eaters saying such things and smiling together in peace was burned into my mind.

I wandered the base, drowning in despair. Eventually, I found myself sitting alone at the end of a deserted corridor, hugging my knees.

Word had it this base would soon be swallowed up by the Ashlands.

Soon, work would begin to complete the underground base, as well as the transfer of key facilities.

Our dream had finally begun to take shape.

Why was I here? Why was I so frustrated?

What had I been working toward all this time?

".........Um..."

As I dove deeper within my memories, my eyes closed to the world, it happened.

A faint voice shook me out of my daze.

"...Huh?"

I looked up. In front of me stood the purple-haired girl, her sketchbook on her back.

"You... What are you doing here?!"

Hadn't the children been forced to take the AGE aptitude test?

The girl, her expression as blank as ever, handed me a tablet she had been holding, though I couldn't even begin to fathom where she had gotten it from.

It seemed the tablet could display video footage from within the base.

You could even use it to manipulate the movement of the cameras and create blind spots.

"Don't tell me... You've been using this to hide from the researchers?"

A feat like that could only be accomplished with pure, natural talent.

In response to my question, the girl opened her sketchbook.

The picture was drawn quickly and accurately, the faces of the subjects captured clearly.

A group of researchers. Children lined up in a row, forming a wall. At one end of the line, a girl with glasses stood with her arms outstretched, protecting another girl.

"Could it be... Is this you and Iris?"

A short nod convinced me.

Iris, sensing the danger, had saved the girl from the experiment.

"It'll... be... okay... We'll... see... each... other... again..."

Pointing at Iris's image, the girl seemed to be trying to convey her will. I couldn't help but hug her tightly.

This child was the hope that Iris—and all the children—protected with every wish they had.

"That's right... Don't worry. I'll protect you..."

Trying to convince myself as well, I swore upon the hope entrusted to me by Iris.

For the child who had always dreamed of protecting her family.

No matter what, I would protect this girl.

"...What's your name?"

The girl quickly scribbled her signature in the corner of the sketchbook.

It was signed "Amy".

[blueteller]

There is certainly a lot to love about that arc – there's a reason why it became one of my favorites. But for me, the most defining moment of it all is when Cale calls all the shelters leaders and starts reciting the numbers of each of their survivors.

You could see this scene as Cale flexing his "unfair" future knowledge, I suppose. He's from another world, a "future" version of it so to spak, so Cale can pass his knowledge as "power of prophecy" and scam everyone into participating in the Unranked Monster hunt. But, I want to focus on a simple question:

...Why does Cale remember each and every number of survivors?

Ignore "Record" for a moment. Impossibly good memory aside, why on Earth would anyone bother to remember such a specific statistic? It would be one thing if he just remembered the total number of all survivors all over Korea. Why did Cale memorize every single leader & their shelter's "performance" during such a critical time?

The first answer that surely comes to mind; those were the people he used to work with. He even states as much in his inner monologue. They were people who were in charge in the future, and he often had to contact them for cooperation (likely with much difficulty on his part, considering the huge egos of all the "big shots" involved). It also explains how Cale knew the best method to convince them; instead trying to invoke sympathy or chivalry or even fear, he promised them "victory" on a silver platter – something they all wished for more than anything else at that point. By understanding how many people each of them managed to save, Cale could also estimate how strong they were, and how effective they were as leaders overall.

But the second reason is a bit more subtle than that.

Cale is, at his core, someone with countless regrets. It's stated as much in the attempted Failure Test in the Sealed God's Temple; he is someone who measures each failure equally, constantly processing & reevaluating data for answers in order to figure out how to prevent disasters the next time they strike. In other word, he was learning all those statistics in order to learn and save more people in the future.

As for the scene itself...

There is something deeply profound, about Cale remembering each and every single number. It is testimony of how much time and effort he must have put into studying such a devastating period of time. Time which became his own personal "Test of Despair", no less.

Most people would have tried their best to forget such trauma, but no. Each number Cale recites is not just something he read once in a report – it's evidence of the countless hours he must have spent mulling over this information, the analysis he put into it, and the conclusions he must have drawn that let him save more lives.

And it's even more amazing to realize that if Cale had been given any more time and resources... he would have headed towards every single one of those shelters to prevent all those deaths. As we have seen with his own shelter, as well as every other shelter he managed to reach later on... He would have managed it, too. He's someone capable of having 0% casualty rate whenever he gets fully involved.

Those numbers of survivors exist in his memory because all the people who died were people Cale wished he could have saved too.

Since I've talked about almost all the other important parts during my reread, I didn't want to forget the sealed god's test.

It's just... So good I'm not even sure where to start. Like, this is a moment where Cale really shines.

Cale. Rok Soo, which we're told means 'to always grow green, even in winter'.

And we see that in this test.

The sealed god throws him into one of the worst moments of his life, expressly to make him despair.

Instead, Cale takes that moment and uses it to rewrite the past, and erase all his regrets.

This is where we really get to see what post-apocalyptic Korea was like. And over and over again we learn how badly things went then, even as Cale makes sure it doesn't happen like that again.

We also see some of his years of experience, and maturity. Especially with how he handles Park Jin Tae, who was a bully and a tyrant - and also died in Cale's first life, fighting to save everyone in the shelter.

You can see what we've seen all along. Cale doesn't judge leaders by the petty stuff. He judges them on how well they take care of their people.

This is also where Cale, Choi Han, and Alberu really become an amazing trio.

Choi Han, who bargains a large chunk of his life away (just the time he'd be alone, as he ties the length of his life to Raons) in order to join Cale in his test.

And Alberu, who the Sun God helps possess a monster called the Dark Tiger when his real body is sleeping.

Those three are so tight knit now, it's beautiful. Real ride or die friends.

Especially when you remember where they all started.

It's also, as always, a time where you have to pay attention to the subtleties. This is Cale's past, and he's focused on making sure everyone survives... But Choi Han and especially Alberu can see the desperation, the struggle, and the near starvation of all the survivors. Alberu has a couple of moments when he's out of the test and giving updates to their friends, and you see him struggling. Because Cale asked him not to overly stress them (the kids especially) and basically say it's fine... And Alberu's like 'how can I tell them that?!?'

And then, naturally, there's Choi Jung Soo and Lee Soo Hyuk.

Younger versions, and not the ones Cale knew. But still, we get to learn more about his earlier found family.

We also see things going on back at home. Since his physical body is still there, his friends have to rescue him.

And we see how they're able to perform, even without Cale to call the shots.

We especially see how well Raon has grown, as he makes important decisions on how to find the monster statues.

Even more importantly, we have this at the end.

– Do you really think that this moment is the end of despair? Cale looked down at the rose gold lights burning in his hands. He opened his mouth to speak. ‘Is this moment the end of despair? No. Absolutely not.’ “This is just the beginning of the despair in this world.” It was just the beginning. Despair would reveal itself in many different forms in this world from now on. “But people have hope now.” After about a year since the world had turned into a mess… The people who had always lost, struggled, and barely managed to survive will be victorious for the first time. They would destroy this despair known as an unranked monster. The sealed god who had been silent for a moment asked as if he was sneering at Cale. – Do you have hope as well? It seemed to be implying that Cale was someone who could not have hope. That was how it sounded to Cale. Cale slowly shook his head. “No.” He did not have hope. However… “I have certainty.” Cale needed something more certain than hope. Finally, he had gotten it. “This place will draw a different future than my past. I’m certain of it.” He was certain that more people would survive than in his past. He was certain that they would have better lives. That was not speculation. Although it was a future that was yet to come, Cale believed it to be the truth. In fact, Cale wanted to be the one to finish the first step toward that certainty. The burning rose gold thunderbolts moved away from Cale’s hands. He started to speak again. “This is the first time I’m saying this to a god.” Toward the silent sealed god… To the god who had tried to give him despair… Cale said the following. “Thanks.” He really meant it. “My memories didn’t end in despair thanks to you.”

It's not that he defeated despair. That despair will no longer exist.

But there's hope, and he is certain that the future will be better.

And even more so - he is grateful that he had this chance to change his memories.

He took this thing that was supposed to break him, and used it to fix himself instead.

[livusos]

CHAPTER 9:

LOYALTY TEST.

Can the judgement day prove their loyalty in this match but if not , what will happen?

Amore settled in front of her camera, adopting a dramatic pose as she began her vlog. Her head hung low in a dramatic display of despair. With an exaggerated sigh, she let out a loud whine, her voice echoing through the room. "Okay, guys, I have to get this off my chest because it's been eating away at me," she started, her tone exaggeratedly serious. "Was that not the most cringey encounter ever? I mean, seriously, at first, I was like, 'Wow, this is badass,' but then it just hit me, and oh my god..."

With a theatrical sigh, she dramatically slid off her chair and rolled onto the floor, lamenting her embarrassment. Raven, observing from the background, couldn't help but chuckle at her friend's antics, shaking her head in amusement. Amore was sprawled on the floor with her arms splayed out dramatically.

"This is why you can never pull off the nonchalant vibe," Raven teased, earning an indignant whine from Amore. "I can totally be nonchalant! He just... unfortunately caught me off guard," Amore protested weakly, her attempt at defense falling short.

"Somebody was flustered, huh?" Raven continued to tease, prompting another round of exaggerated protests from Amore.

After a few minutes of playful banter, Amore finally settled back in front of the camera, her expression thoughtful. "But seriously, guys, isn't it fishy that the Judgement Day suddenly wants to recruit us?" she pondered, her voice tinged with suspicion.

Raven, still scrolling on her phone, looked up, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, it does seem a bit too convenient," she added, her brows furrowing as she considered the situation alongside Amore.

Amore's gaze drifted off for a moment, her brow furrowing as she delved into her thoughts. She pondered Raven's suggestion, her mind grappling with the possibility of misjudging the situation. With a faint sigh, she shook her head, as if trying to dispel the cloud of doubt that hovered over her.

"But maybe we're just thinking too negatively," she voiced her contemplation, her words tinged with a hint of uncertainty. Her fingers tapped rhythmically against the tabletop as she mulled over the idea. "Just because we had a bad experience in the past doesn't mean this will be the same," she reasoned, her voice growing more resolute with each word. "Maybe they're genuine."

Meanwhile, Raven leaned against the wall, her arms folded across her chest as she listened intently to Amore's musings. A thoughtful expression crossed her features, mirroring the weightiness of the conversation. "Yeah, you might be right on that," she conceded, her tone measured. "We tend to overanalyze things too much, so I hope your words will come true later on tonight."

Amore's sudden shift in demeanor broke the moment of seriousness, her eyes twinkling with mischief as she glanced over at the camera. "Lowkey, I could be a good-ass motivational speaker," she declared with a playful grin, injecting a dose of levity into the atmosphere.

The camera captured Raven's exasperated response perfectly as she rolled her eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Shut the hell up," she retorted, her words laced with mock annoyance, though a hint of amusement danced in her eyes. Their banter served as a brief respite from the weightiness of their earlier discussion, showcasing the dynamic between the two best friends.

Time seemed to fly by as they stood at the side of the ring, watching Rhea Ripley launch a relentless assault on Nia Jax. The intensity of the match was palpable, and it was clear that things were only going to escalate further. Each blow exchanged between the two women echoed through the arena.

As the minutes ticked by, the tension inside the ring escalated to a crescendo. Amore found herself relentlessly targeted by Becky Lynch, who launched a relentless assault, driven by determination to overpower her opponent. Every blow landed with precision, driving Amore back against the ropes.

From the sidelines, Dominik couldn't bear to watch his ally being cornered and pummeled. With adrenaline coursing through his veins, he sprang into action, darting towards the ring with urgency in his strides. The crowd erupted into a frenzy as Dominik confronted Becky, his voice ringing out above the chaos as he demanded she cease her assault on Amore.

In a bold move, Dominik reached out and grabbed Becky's shoe, tugging at it with all his might in an attempt to disrupt her focus. His actions were met with a mixture of surprise and confusion, creating a momentary distraction that allowed Amore an opportunity to fight back.

As Dominik's voice pierced through the chaos of the match, Becky's focus shifted momentarily, affording Amore a split-second opportunity. With a quick, calculated movement, Amore lunged forward and delivered a powerful blow to the back of Becky's head, staggering the Irish wrestler. Seizing the advantage, Amore unleashed a relentless barrage of strikes, each fueled by the pent-up frustration and rage bubbling inside her.

The crowd erupted with excitement as they witnessed a side of Amore they hadn't seen before – fierce, determined, and unyielding. Gone was the usual gentle demeanor; in its place that demeanor was replaced by rage. With every punch, kick, and slam, Amore asserted her dominance, commanding the ring with an intensity that captivated the audience.

Despite Becky's attempts to regain control, Amore's relentless assault continued unabated. Each blow landed with precision, fueled by a raw determination to emerge victorious. The cheers of the crowd spurred her on, amplifying her resolve and pushing her to new heights of ferocity.

Dominik's smirk widened as he watched Amore unleash her fury upon Becky Lynch, his pride evident in every line of his face. Despite the chaos unfolding in the ring, his gaze remained fixed on Amore, a silent testament to his unwavering belief in her abilities.

Rhea Ripley, too, found herself taken aback by Amore's sudden display of aggression. The usually composed and formidable leader of the Judgement Day couldn't help but be impressed by the ferocity with which Amore fought, a spark of admiration flickering in her eyes.

Meanwhile, Raven stood at the sidelines, her expression a mixture of pride and satisfaction. She had always known that Amore possessed a fierce determination beneath her cheerful exterior, and now, seeing her unleash it upon her opponent, Raven couldn't help but feel a surge of pride swell within her.

As the match unfolded, Damian Priest and Finn Balor joined in the applause, their admiration for Amore's performance evident in the enthusiastic clapping of their hands. Even the members of the Judgement Day, though they maintained their stoic demeanor, couldn't help but acknowledge the sheer skill and tenacity displayed by Amore in the ring. JD was the only one who silently watched Amore without saying a single word.

With adrenaline coursing through her veins, Amore summoned every ounce of strength left in her exhausted body as she climbed the ropes, the cheers of the crowd echoing in her ears. With a deep breath, she steadied herself, her heart pounding in anticipation of what was to come.

As she reached the top rope, Amore paused for a moment, her gaze locked on her opponent below. Then, without hesitation, she launched herself into the air, executing a flawless backflip before descending upon Becky Lynch with breathtaking precision.

The crowd erupted into a deafening roar, their cheers echoing throughout the arena as they witnessed the spectacular display of athleticism unfold before their eyes. Among them, Pat McAfee, one of the commentators, couldn't contain his excitement as he shouted into the microphone, "SHE DID THE MOONSAULT!!"

With the taste of victory tantalizingly close, Amore summoned the last reserves of her energy, dragging her weary body atop Becky for the pin. The referee's hand descended, "1... 2..." but before it could reach the final count, Bayley's sudden interference shattered the anticipation, disrupting the referee's count.

A surge of anger coursed through Amore as she felt the impact of Bayley's attack, the pain radiating through her exhausted body. But before she could fully comprehend what was happening, the arena erupted into chaos as Raven, fueled by a fierce determination, stormed into the ring.

With a primal roar, Raven launched herself at Bayley, unleashing a flurry of punishing blows. The two women locked in a fierce struggle, their bodies colliding with a resounding impact as they battled for dominance in the ring.

Meanwhile, Amore lay on the mat, her chest heaving with exertion as she watched the chaos unfold before her. Despite the fatigue that threatened to overwhelm her, a fierce determination burned in her eyes as she prepared to join the chaos.

As chaos reigned inside the ring, Rhea found herself locked in a brutal exchange with Nia Jax, the sheer force of their blows reverberating throughout the arena. Despite her best efforts, Rhea was beginning to falter, her strength waning under the relentless assault of her opponent.

Meanwhile, Amore, sensing an opportunity to turn the tide, summoned the last reserves of her energy and slid out of the ring. With determination etched across her features, she reached beneath the ring apron, her fingers wrapping around the cold steel of a steel chair.

With a steely resolve, Amore reentered the fray, the chair raised high above her head as she closed in on Nia Jax. With a resounding clang, she brought the chair crashing down upon Nia's back, the impact echoing throughout the arena.

Again and again, Amore delivered punishing blows, each strike fueled by a fierce determination to protect her ally. As Nia staggered under the onslaught, Rhea's exhaustion gave way to a grateful smile, her spirits lifted by Amore's timely intervention.

Amore's back pressed against the unforgiving steel of the ring steps, exhaustion threatening to consume her. Yet, in the midst of her weariness, she heard Raven's urgent cry, her voice slicing through the chaos of the arena.

Without hesitation, Amore summoned the last vestiges of her strength and reached out to tag Raven, her fingers brushing against Raven's outstretched hand. With a sense of relief washing over her, Amore collapsed against the steps, her breathing labored as Raven entered the ring, a fierce determination burning in her eyes.

As Raven assumed her position in the ring, a smirk played upon her lips, her gaze fixated on Bayley. With a burst of energy, Raven launched herself into action, her movements fluid and precise as she closed in on her target.

With lightning speed, Raven seized Bayley by the head, her grip unyielding as she executed a picture-perfect cutter. The impact reverberated throughout the arena, the crowd erupting into a frenzy of cheers and applause.

In the midst of the chaos, Rhea watched on with a proud smirk, her confidence in her teammates unwavering. Meanwhile, the commentators' voices rang out in excitement, their exclamations punctuating the electrifying atmosphere of the match.

"The RKO?! Raven just pulled off the RKO!" they cried, their words echoing across the arena as Raven's stunning RKO sent shockwaves through the wrestling world.

With Bayley pinned beneath her, Raven wasted no time in seizing the opportunity to secure the victory. As the referee began the count, Amore's eyes darted across the ring, her senses heightened as she spotted Becky Lynch attempting to intervene.

Instinctively, Amore rose to her feet, determination coursing through her veins as she prepared to stop Becky's interference. Yet, before she could make her move, Damian intervened, his swift actions catching Becky off guard as he grabbed her legs and dragged her out of the ring.

With Becky momentarily distracted, Raven continued her relentless assault, the referee's hand striking the canvas in rapid succession. The crowd's cheers reached a crescendo as the referee's count reached its final, signaling the end of the match and the victory for Amore, Raven and Rhea.

As the final bell rang, signaling their hard-earned victory, the crowd erupted into a deafening roar of cheers and applause. Amore, Raven, and Rhea basked in the adulation of the audience, their triumph resonating throughout the arena.

With effortless grace, Rhea Ripley glided into the ring, a victorious smile gracing her lips as she approached Raven. Extending her hand, she pulled Raven to her feet, a wink exchanged between the two competitors. Raven's flirtatious smirk only added more tension.

Meanwhile, Dominik made his way to Amore's side, offering his support as she gingerly climbed back into the ring. Despite the bruises and exhaustion, Amore wore a proud smile, her spirits lifted by the overwhelming support of her teammates and the cheering crowd.

Joined by Damian, Finn, and JD, the proud trio stood united in the center of the ring, their hands raised in victory. Together, they celebrated their hard-fought win