#..... went looking for that i dont need hours of therapy i just need to stand in water post to caption this with | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

subwaysurf45 · 3 years ago

Note

could i please get bucky reacting to you missing your abusive ex?? angst or fluff i dont mind i just need this right now :,) thank you in advance

Missing Him

request: anonymous

words: 1520

warnings: mentions of abusive actions, hitting, yelling, crying, fluff

a/n: hope you're okay sweetheart and I hope this can help you out a bit <3

Masterlist!

Bucky knew about your Ex, he hated him. After four months of dating you sat him down and told him everything, both Bucky and you cried about it for hours. You told him everything, the hitting, yelling, swearing, punishments, all of it. You had been dating this man for three years than you broke up with him one gory night. It took four years to start dating again, that’s when Bucky came into the picture. After you spilled your heart out Bucky spilled his, telling you about his time with Hydra. It was a very intimate night, by the end of your conversation you were both wrapped around one another, protecting each other from the horrors of the world.

“I guess we’re just two broken people in love,” you had looked up to him. Bucky’s eyes were so red and swollen. You knew you looked ten times worse.

“No,” Bucky leaned in and kissed your forehead, “we’re two people who are in love who just so happened to be the victims of other broken people.”

Three years later, months of unconditional love. Bucky was still your person, he was still your rock that you turned to for everything; Bucky loved it. You were living together, sleeping in the same bed, going to couple’s therapy. When you told people you were seeing a couple’s therapist everyone seemed to think your relationship was tanking, but it was thriving. You had actually proposed the idea, have a mediator give advice to help one another deal with the trauma instead of taking it on as their own, it worked. You talked about how you didn’t like to hear his name, you needed to be made aware that Bucky was leaving or coming back inside the house, and more. Bucky talked about how he liked to be woken up during his nightmares, he didn’t want to be shaken awake rather soothed awake.

Today wasn’t the day you went in for the talk, it was just a normal day. But it didn’t feel normal for you, it felt like guilt was being poured over you for some strange reason.

You stood in the grocery line with a few things in your hands, your bag was looped around your arm. As you looked over your shoulder to pass the time you had to do a massive double take, your hair whipped back and forth as you checked back into aisle six. There he was, the man that ruined your life. He seemed to sense someone was looking at him, as he scanned around he did a double take on you. That guilt smashed into you again, almost knocking you off your feet.

“Next!” the lady working the cash called. You jumped and began to dump the chips and coffee pods on the moving belt, you looked over and he was still there, just looking at you.

That was the last time you looked at him, you paid quick and ran out of the store, trying to get to your car as fast as possible. Right when you were about to cross the street you heard the automatic doors slide open.

“Y/n, hey, wait,” the voice pounded in your skull, you didn’t turn, he ran around you.

Your eyes weren’t wide and scared, they were squinted and mean. You didn’t say a word, clutching your jaw as tight as you could while you just stared at him. He was taller than you, you looked up to meet his eyes but you didn’t let his height make you back down. Never in a million years had you thought you’d stand this close to him without holding up your arms to brace for impact. But you were, all you could think of was Bucky teaching you self defense moves to get this man standing in front of you on the ground.

“Hi,” he said again, “I know you probably don’t want to see me, and I get that,” he looked down to the ground, “but I just wanted to say hi, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“Well…” you sighed, not having a sentence planned.

“I know, I just-” he cut himself off, “I just wanted to ask how you were-are, how you are, I haven’t seen in forever-understandably, I mean I-”

“I’m dating someone,” you raised your chin thinking of Bucky. Maybe that could push him away, let him know you’ve moved on. Have you?

“Oh…” he nodded with a smile, the tension was only growing. “I’m, uh, engaged…”

“Wh-n-nice, wow, that’s amazing,” only now did you notice the ring on his finger. You also noticed his beard that had grown in, making him look older. The wrinkles near his eyes were deeper and his smile was...wider.

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me,” he said as he faced the palms of his hands to you, “but you look great, I’m happy you’ve found someone, and I hope you are doing well, I really do,” he sighed, “and I’m fucking sorry, I am, I’m not going to make up excuses, I won’t.” he shook his head, “but I’m sorry I broke you, I really am.”

“I’m not broken,” you whispered, “I’m a victim of a broken person.” you looked both ways before you crossed the street, leaving him to watch with his jaw on the floor. If you would have said that to him years ago you would have been dead in a matter of seconds. He most likely would have grabbed you by the arm, nails digging in, and dragged you to the car just so he could scream at you on the way home and push you inside.

The drive home was hard, your blurry vision caused you to see moving blobs of colour. Once you blinked the tears rolled down and you could see again, but you promised yourself you wouldn’t cry over him again, he didn’t deserve it.

The door opened and Bucky was right there to help take the bags in, he dropped them once he saw your tear streaked face.

“What happened?” he whispered, his hand cupping your cheek, “talk to me, what’s wrong?”

Bucky was so good at taking care of you, you didn’t even notice he had picked you up and brought you to the couch. His arms held you close to his body, the feeling of being covered completely was always comforting to you. His fingers seemed to strum your back, just his fingertips smoothing your sweater. As you cried into his chest, his lips would gently press against your temple, forehead, cheeks, eyes. They were soft and full, just gentle and long kisses all over your face, once he pulled away you could still feel him there. He’d bring your hand to his lips and press some kisses to your knuckles, little ones and then longer ones as he worked his way up your hand.

“You wanna talk about it?” he whispered right next to your ear, his lips tickling the shell.

“I saw him.”

Bucky seemed to tighten up, knowing exactly who you were talking about. He relaxed again, “did he do anything?”

“We just talked, he did, he talked to me,” you leaned back and looked into his eyes, “he was nice to me.”

“How so?” he leaned in and kissed the tip of your nose. His eyes fluttered closed as he leaned in.

“He asked how I was, I said I was dating someone,” you wiped under your nose because you hadn’t sniffled in a while, “he’s engaged, he said I looked great and that he was sorry.”

“He’s engaged, wow…” Bucky looked off into the distance just to take that in, his arms instinctively wrapped tighter around you.

“He was so nice, I miss that part of him,” you muttered into Bucky’s neck, he seemed to freeze again.

“What?” he whispered. He didn’t sound angry at all, just very confused. He pulled back to look at your face, making sure he didn’t mishear you. “You miss him?”

“Not like that, I hate that man with everything I have,” you looked off and out the window, unable to look Bucky in the eye, “he wasn’t always mean, at family parties he was always boasting about me and showing off so much PDA, he would leave little sticky notes around the house for me, and there would be times where it would be weeks between his episodes.” you looked back to Bucky, “I never want to see him again, but just seeing him like that reminded me of how much I loved him, and how much he loved me back at our best moments.”

“I see,” Bucky whispered and kissed you, “everyone gets reminded of their exes, maybe it just made you think of the ‘good old days’ in a way you haven’t thought of in a long time, yeah?” Bucky rubbed your back again.

“Exactly, I still love you with all my heart, it was just-I just-I don’t know...I just missed that part of him, because he was really nice.” You snuggled further into Bucky.

“And that’s okay.”

tag-list: @imtherain

If you’d like to be added to the tag list send an ask, personal message me, or leave a comment on any of my works!

234 notes · View notes

manonblaqkbeak · 3 years ago

Text

Complicated

Fking finally lol. I’ve had absolutely no motivation to read or write these last few days, but I finally started this last night and finished it now. Here’s Day 15--a bad day, and part 3 of the mini-series i have going for this month.

Part 1 Part 2

cw: none that i can think of, but if theres anything, pls dont hesitate to let me know!

1.5k words

enjoy!! :)

Aelin had been sitting in her car for the last twenty minutes, staring at the motel door. She had no idea what she was going to say to Sam, but she knew she had to say something.

Something like, “I'm sorry that your biological daughter calls another man daddy and papa.” Maybe Aelin should have put a stop to it once Olive had started calling Rowan that, but hearing Olive say daddy in her tiny voice with a wide smile on her face made Aelin's heart flutter, and the sweet look of joy when Rowan heard her say it made Aelin think that it wouldn't be too bad.

She had got caught up in the fantasy of it all, but it was hard not to be sucked down into. She still loved Rowan and they had been dating seriously for the last six months. They had been friends for five months after she saw him at the nursery, and things had been going so damned well. Rowan and Egan had moved into Aelin's place two months ago—the four bedroom house previously owned by Aelin's parents before they moved into a small home—and she got along fantastically with Egan; he had a bit more of an understanding that Aelin wasn't his biological mother, since Rowan still had the photos of Lyria during the pregnancy, and she was determined to never replace Lyria, but when he called her 'ma' or 'Lin', her face would break into a smile so big she thought that it would be a permanent fixture on her face.

Aelin wasn't stupid, however, she knew that people thought that she and Rowan were moving too fast—namely her parents and Aedion, but when she and Rowan talked about the future, it felt solid, like it wasn't just a fanciful notion, but something real that was only a few steps away from being able to hold in her hands.

She had never been with someone that was so loyal to her, someone that cared for her in the way that Rowan did. That looked past her outer beauty and saw Aelin for who she was, and encouraged her to go for what made her happy.

It wasn't always perfect, they had arguments for time to time, but they worked it out, and that had shocked Aelin at first, that Rowan actually wanted to work together to fix the issue, that he actually communicated instead of just letting the arguments fade away. It wasn't like that at all with Chaol, part of the reason why their relationship crashed and burned.

So she hardly thought twice about what it meant to have Olive call Rowan 'daddy', that to Aelin, she was just building a family and a future, but she was starkly reminded that her boyfriend indeed was not her daughters father when Olive called Rowan 'papa' in the middle of the lunch that Sam was invited to at their place and the silence that had descended between the three adults.

Aelin almost choked on the pizza that she was in the middle of inhaling when Olive said that, her daughter sitting on Rowan's lap because she had been fussy and didn't want to sit in her booster seat. Olive and Egan were blissfully unaware of the awkwardness that was emanating from Aelin, the brown haired boy paying attention only to the TV that was playing his favourite cartoon, and Olive had simply wanted more of Rowan's attention.

Aelin glanced at Sam and found that the look in his eyes was utterly unreadable, which was unusual since Sam was easy to read, but for the first time in the years that Aelin knew him, she had no idea how to decipher his expression.

Rowan had opened his mouth, to say what Aelin wasn't sure, when Sam waved him off, and resumed the conversation revolving around the classic car that Rowan was fixing in his rare free time. So Rowan, knowing that it wasn't the right place to have that conversation, continued where he left off before Olive uttered that word that had never felt wrong before but suddenly left Aelin wanting to sink into the floor.

And when Sam had left after lunch, Aelin had decided that temporarily avoiding the topic was the best move, and after helping Rowan clear the table, Aelin had given Olive a quick bath in order to think about anything else.

All Aelin had been able to think about was what if somehow, by letting Olive calling Rowan her dad, she had doomed her daughter into developing daddy issues, that she would grow up confused on how to feel about her biological father when all her life she had called another man dad.

Aelin banged her head against the steering wheel, wondering how a good, decent day had gone to a complicated mess in a matter of hours.

She stayed there for a while, until she realised that she needed to be the adult she was and left the car, knocking loudly on the white motel door.

The door flew open and Aelin was greeted by Sam, a small smile on his face. “I was wondering how long you were going to sit out there for.” Having no idea what to say to that, Aelin stayed silent and went inside when Sam invited her in.

Aelin worried at her lip, and sat at the tiny table by the TV. She truly had no idea what to say.

Sam sat across from her and took her hands in his. Aelin looked up and found nothing but openness in his warm brown eyes. “I'm not mad, if that's what you're thinking.”

Aelin blinked at him. While Sam wasn't a violent man, she wasn't expecting that. “How?” she managed to get out after a moment. “How could you not be mad? Your daughter is calling another man 'papa'.”

“I'm hardly Olive's father, Aelin, I'm aware that I'm not the most active dad, I've seen her only a handful of times since her birth and she's nearly two. It's clear that Rowan loves her, and that she loves him. I actually saw all four of you earlier today, at the park,” Sam added. “I was feeling nervous, like I always do before I see Olive, so I went to the park to have my breakfast. I heard your laugh and I turned, ready to call out to you, when I saw that you were having a picnic and I realised that you already had a family, that Rowan and Egan are your family, and that Rowan is Olive's father in the way that counts, in the way that matters, and that I'm just an intruder in your lives.”

Gripping his hands, Aelin shook her head. “Sam, you can't think like that, you're not an intruder. You're Olive's biological father, you're important.”

“And I'll always be grateful that I had a hand in creating her, but Aelin, I want you to look inside yourself and tell me truthfully, in ten years time, who do you see by your side, Olive's side? Because I know that it isn't me.” And it wasn't, Aelin didn't to look inside herself to know that. She was already thinking deeply about her future long before Sam's visit.

“I want you to know though,” Aelin said abruptly, “that I didn't deliberately set out to have Olive see Rowan as her father, that I did talk about you from time to time, but I-I don't think that she could make the connection that the voice on the end of the phone belongs to you. But I promise that if see ever asks about you, I'll tell her, I won't hide anything from her.”

“I know that you will,” Sam said, “just maybe tell her in a nice way that she's the result of a broken condom.”

Aelin laughed, feeling light for the first time since this whole thing started. “I will. Although I think I'll have to consult Google for that.”

Sam nodded, because even he knew that there were no books that could help with that conversation. “But if she never asks about me, then don't tell her.”

“Sam—”

“If Olive wants to believe for the rest of her life that Rowan is her biological father, then I'm okay with that. I'd rather her be happy than confused. Because when I heard Olive call Rowan 'papa', it felt right, like it made sense. And I know that's how you feel, too. And I know it makes no sense, but Olive somehow just looks like she's Rowan's daughter, you know? And I don't want to get in the way of that.”

Sam was far too nice for his own good. People as kind as him were hard to find. It was a miracle that in this life that she had met two men like that.

Aelin wiped at her eyes, the tears falling suddenly and fast. “How are you so nice when your father is a piece of shit?”

Sam snorted and handed her a tissue. “Years of therapy.” He took a deep breath, and in his brown eyes, the eyes that she had once fallen for so deeply, Aelin saw acceptance. “There's also something else...I was doing some soul searching before you came over, and I...I know that I'm not on the birth certificate and that I don't really have a say—”

“Sam, of course you have a say. Like I said earlier, you're Olive's biological father. You might not be on the birth certificate, but if you have opinions, then you can share them with me, I won't bite your head off.”

Sam gave her a tiny smile. “And I appreciate that, I do. But what I was going to say is this: if ever in the future Rowan wants to adopt Olive, then you and he have my blessing.”

Aelin stared at him for a long moment, letting the words sink in, and then the tears started again and Aelin's body shook with the force of her sobs. Because if Sam's father wasn't Arobynn, then she would have had the family that Sam was wholeheartedly accepting that she had with Rowan. And that he was willing to stand aside to let Olive have the father that she deserved.

Sam came over to her, hugging her to him as Aelin sobbed into his shoulder, running his hand up and down her back. Aelin had never let herself cry like this in front of him, she never really liked crying like that, but she couldn't help herself and couldn't stop herself for a long while. It was a good ten minutes later when the tears slowly subsided and Sam slowly pulled back, giving her a once over with his kind eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Aelin said, loudly blowing her nose with a handful of tissues. “I just...I wasn't sure what I was expecting to happen here tonight. Never did I think that you would offer something like that, Sam.”

“I would be just like Arobynn if I forced you to be unhappy, and I never want to be like him.”

“You're not,” Aelin said, “you'll never be like him. I hope one day, Sam, you'll be able to have a family of your own.”

Sam kissed her cheek, the gesture sending her back to when they were teenagers. “I hope so, too.”

Aelin stayed for a little while longer, just talking and reminiscing about the old times. And when she went home, she kissed him on the cheek, thanked him again, and told him that he would always have a special place in her heart, because without him, she wouldn't have Olive.

Sam repeated the sentiment, and wished her nothing but happiness with Rowan, and that he was glad she found him.

Aelin was glad she found Rowan, too.

X X X X X X

Aelin walked into her house, and was greeted by two ecstatic children, acting like they hadn't seen her for years. Aelin smiled and gave them their hugs that they desperately wanted. She went over to the kitchen counter where Rowan was preparing dinner—grilled cheese, that she knew very well had veggies hidden within, because Egan acted like vegetables were the world's most evil thing to exist—and kissed him on the cheek. He kissed her temple in response, and Aelin breathed in the homely scent of him.

“How did everything go with Sam?” he asked, moving about the kitchen to start the side salad.

“Great, and there's something very important that I have to tell you.” Rowan raised a silver brow, but Aelin kissed his cheek again and promised to tell him later.

X X X X X X

Aelin was more than ready to climb into bed and fall asleep, but she needed to tell Rowan about her conversation with Sam, so when they got settled and comfortable, Aelin told him what her ex-partner said.

Rowan was stunned for a moment, and she hadn't even told him the best part. “Truthfully, I was mentally preparing myself for Sam to punch me in the face after lunch, but to hear what he said to you, I feel like a fool for ever thinking that he would resort to that.”

“If he was more like his father, he definitely would have. But Sam is the polar opposite of Arobynn, and truly wants nothing more than for people to be happy.” Rowan smiled and took Aelin's hand in his, and Aelin relished in the comforting touch. “And there's something else,” Aelin added, and it was ridiculous, but a tiny part of her was nervous, that told her that Rowan wouldn't want Sam's blessing, that he wouldn't want to legally be Olive's father. “Sam told me that if you ever wanted to adopt Olive, then you have his blessing, because he wants nothing more than for Olive to be loved and cared for, and he sees that you're the one that can help provide her with that.”

Rowan looked at Aelin, and her own eyes watered when she saw that his were filling up. “I would be honoured to do that, Aelin. It would make me the happiest man in the world to have that privilege. And after we're married, we can start the process, and maybe one day, when Egan's a little older and he has a better understanding, you can adopt him too, because I know you like him just as much as I love Olive.”

“I do,” Aelin said, choking up. “That would be—” Aelin stopped, her mind finally catching up with what he just said. “Did you just propose to me?”

Rowan cracked a smile and kissed her. He pulled away just so, their noses touching. “Not yet, I haven't found the right ring.”

Aelin laughed joyfully, even as her tears overflowed. “Just to let you know, I'm not helping you out this time. You'll have to figure it out on your own.”

Rowan kissed her again and again. “Don't worry, I've already got a few choices in mind.”

“Good. Make sure its sparkles.”

“I will,” Rowan said, and took her into his arms.

It wasn't too bad of a day, after all.

#rowaelin #rowaelinmonth #my work #im jst glad i got it done lol

58 notes · View notes

wcnderlnds · 4 years ago

Text

safety pin the pieces of our broken hearts / bucky barnes x reader.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Description: After Steve went back to the past you’re left with the job of looking after his best friend but it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Word Count: 1358 Warnings: None. i dont think so anyway. A/N: Okaaay here we go!! part one of a Bucky series. So, uhhhh, Tony Stark is alive in this because I refuse to live in a world without him and he’s the reader’s dad for... reasons that’ll come to light later on. i’m going to v loosely follow The Falcon & The Winter Soldier ok thank you pls be kind this is my first time writing Bucky.

It felt like you’d been sat in the boring old waiting room for hours when in reality it had barely been forty-five minutes. At least your wrist was getting exercise with the amount of times you were raising it to check the time on your watch. Only fifteen more minutes to go then you’d be able to leave that dreaded place. Time seemed to drag on, the people around you irritating you more and more. It was getting to the point where you were about to stand up and yell at the woman who was tapping her fingernails against the wooden arm of the chair. Luckily, Bucky came out of his therapy session with a scowl on his face — the usual look he wore after a session. He gestured his head towards the exit to which you quickly followed him out.

“How’d it go?” You asked as the two of you walked back to the apartment you had pretty much been forced to share.

When Steve had told you his plan he knew that someone needed to take care of Bucky when he was gone and he’d bestowed that duty on you. Unfortunately, you couldn’t refuse no matter how much you’d wanted to. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Bucky because you did — you were friends or at least friendly with each other. It was more so the fact that you knew taking up that responsibility would hurt your father who just so happened to be none other than Tony Stark himself. He still held a grudge against Bucky for killing his parents — your grandparents — and you didn’t blame him but you also didn’t share the same feelings as your father. While Bucky had done some terrible things, that hadn’t been him. That had been the Winter Soldier. In your mind, Bucky and the Winter Soldier were two different people. Poor Bucky had been brainwashed into doing all the awful things he’d done and now he was living with all the guilt and memories of things that he’d had no control over. It had taken some talking with your dad but he’d decided that maybe having someone close to Bucky could at least make sure he didn’t slip again. That also meant daily updates to Tony so he could make sure you were safe. So, you and Bucky had a small apartment in New York. It wasn’t ideal but you were making it work as best you could.

“Same as always,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Wants me to talk to more people or something.”

“You know you should. Sam keeps asking me about you since you won’t answer him.”

“Don’t want to talk to him. Don’t want to talk to you most days but I have no choice on that one.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m going to ignore that because I know you don’t mean it and you’re just grumpy. Maybe consider at least texting Sam so I don’t have to be bombarded by him.”

“No,” he simply stated. “I’m taking a walk.”

Before you could protest, he was gone leaving you feeling grumpy now. You knew Bucky wasn’t in the best place right now. He was trying to make amends for all the things the Winter Soldier had done and he was processing the fact that Steve was gone. Not to mention the fact that Sam had given the shield away. That had been the one thing that had sent him into a deep pit of moodiness. At this point you were used to it.

With a sigh, you stepped into your apartment, throwing your jacket on the couch. Bucky was definitely going to give you crap for that later but you didn’t care. Letting out a heavy sigh, you threw yourself down onto the couch. Before you knew it, your eyes were closing and an unexpected nap took over you.

*****

“Seriously, (Y/N)?” Bucky’s voice woke you up. Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes with the palm of your hands to look over at your roommate who had your jacket in his hands. “We have a coat hanger right there.”

With a huff, he placed your jacket on one of the hooks and headed for the door. Your brows furrowed in confusion. Hadn’t he just got back? How long had you been asleep? “Didn’t you just get in?”

“No. I’ve been back three hours. You were just channelling your inner sleeping beauty over there,” his hand was on the door knob. “I’ve got a date so I’ll be back later, I guess.”

“A date?!” You asked sounding far more shocked than you wanted to.

“Don’t even make a comment. I’m leaving.”

And yet again before you could even say anything he was gone. Bucky was going on a date? That was new. Maybe he was taking his therapists advice after all. As happy as you were that he was trying to give himself some semblance of a normal life, it stung a little bit that he seemed to rather spend some time with anyone that wasn’t you. It was probably because of Tony. While Bucky was friendly with you he always seemed to keep his distance. He never really let you in — he never really let anyone in. Most nights you were both either sat in silence watching a movie with the odd comment here and there or in your own rooms. Conversations never went any deeper than small talk. It was something you badly wanted to change. You wanted to be to Bucky what Steve was but you knew nobody would ever fill his shoes. All you could do was try to be there for Bucky despite how he was adamant he didn’t need anyone.

It was with that thought that you stood up from the couch to make your way to your room with your phone in your hand. After sending a quick text to your dad to let him know the latest Bucky update, you changed into your PJs and got into bed.

*****

It was the loud sound of the TV that woke you the next morning. A tired yawn passed your lips as you made your way into the living room. After a stretch, you finally saw the scene in front of you. Bucky was sat on the floor, glaring at the TV with a clenched jaw. It was then that you finally saw what had him so upset. John Walker was Captain America. John Walker was claiming Steve Rogers was a brother to him. The anger bubbled up inside you, too. Without thinking, you made your way towards Bucky and the TV. After placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, you switched the TV off.

“Don’t torture yourself like that, Buck,” you said softly. It broke your heart when you noticed the hint of tears forming in his eyes but you knew he wouldn’t let them fall. It was angry tears — you didn’t blame him one bit.

“Don’t call me Buck. Only Steve can,” he shrugged your hand off his shoulder and got to his feet. “This is all Sam’s fault.”

“No, it’s not! He did what he thought was best.”

“How is giving the shield away what’s best? Steve trusted him with that and this is what he does with it? Give it to them so they could give it to... him? If he was here right now....” Bucky seethed making his way to his room with you following him.

“I don’t think you understand,” you started but was stopped when Bucky spun around to cut you off with a bag in his hand.

“I’m off to find Sam so pack a bag because I’m sure you’re going to have to follow me like the little lost puppy you are so you can send updates to that paranoid dad of yours,” a glare was shot your way before his attention was focused on stuffing clothes into his bag.

“Okay...” you said quietly. His words hurt you but you knew he was angry with Sam and the new Captain America, not you. There was no use in fighting him right now. So without a word, you made your way to your own room and followed suit.

Guess you were off to see Sam.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x stark!reader #bucky barnes imagine #fics.

135 notes · View notes

mediocre-writerr · 4 years ago

Text

sparks fly [lexie grey]

lexie grey x fem reader

requested: Lexie Grey didn’t think she would ever get over Mark Sloan, when she runs into R at a coffe shops or something and strikes up a conversation with her and finds out finds out she’s a physical therapist in a clinic 5 minutes away from the hospital. As she is leaving she realizes two things very quickly, 1) She is absolutely not as straight as she thought she was, and 2) She didn’t think about Mark once

*not my gif*

You were sitting there nursing your beer, letting the cool liquid slip down your throat. You cradled the bottle like it was the life of you, tilting the bottle left and right. Playing a small little game to yourself, just staring at the label on the bottle.

“Rough day?” someone asked, sitting next to you in the somehow crowded bar for this time of night.

You released a sigh, not really wanting to talk to the stranger, but when you looked up you saw a very beautiful brunette. You nodded, before taking another sip of your beer, “You could say that again. You?”

“Definitely.” she replied. You looke down on the counter top and noticed her badge as she ordered whatever she was getting.

“What specialty?” you asked as she finished ordering. She just stared at you in shock, like it was some sort of secret you found out. You just chuckled before pointing down to her badge that was lying on the counter, “I saw your badge, you work at Seattle Grace, right?”

She hit her hand to her forehead, laughing softly, “Yeah, but I’m just an intern. I don’t really have a specialty yet, but I’m leaning towards neuro.”

“Like the infamous Derek Shepherd?” you ask, chuckling yet again at the shocked look on your face, “I’m a physical therapist at a clinic, five minutes away. The surgeons let me know everything about the patients before I take them. So I’ve talked to Dr. Shephered and Dr. Robbins and Dr. Bailey and Dr. Torres. Pretty much every patient who needs physical therapy they go to me.”

“Wow I had no idea.” she says, looking awe stricken.

You shrugged, “It’s okay. Interns usually don’t handle that stuff, not even first-year residents.”

“I’m Lexie Grey,” she said, extending her hand out to you and you gratefully took it. A little electricity coursing through your body at her touch.

“So you’re Little Grey, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” she looked so cute right now, her mouth opened agape and her eyes a little wider. Probably confused at how you know her nickname, “Well you’re Meredith’s sister, Meredith is associated with Derek, and let’s just say Callie has a big mouth.”

She laughed softly, finally understanding all of it, “You and Callie are close?” she asked and you nodded.

“We’ve become really good friends after always taking her patients for pt. It’s ironic, her whole job is to kinda break bones, while I rehabilitate what she broke.” you said and Lexie released another soft laugh.

Her laughter was soft. Her whole smile just lit up the room and it sounded like listening to your favorite song for the first time again. That feeling of nostalgia, like you’ve known her your whole life.

Most of the night she just asked about your job and what you did, while also sharing embarrassing stories about her bosses.

“There was one time where Torres told me a patient was coming. She referred them to me and said that they broke their leg going fishing. And I was like ‘what kind of dumbass breaks their leg while going fishing’, you just sit there or stand there for hours on end.” Lexie was smiling and nodding along, as she drank whatever drink she wanted to drink, “The next day guess who came in.”

“Who?” she asked, her eyes sparkling and excited to hear who did.

“Dr. Webber.” you told her and her eyes widened even more, crinkling slightly as a wide smile formed onto her cheeks.

“What?! How does that even happen?!” the two of you burst into a fit of laughter.

You closed your eyes, rubbing it softly. Trying to get through to explain, but the laughter kept coming in, “A fish pulled on the line and he wasn’t strong enough to-“ a bit of laughter broke through, “to pull the fish out and so he went flying forward, his leg got caught on the seat of the boat. And boop, broken.”

Lexie bursted into another fit of laughter. And it seemed like she couldn’t stop, “I bet he was all embarrassed and looking at the floor.” she said and she made her voice deep, trying to mimick his, “Dont say anything Dr. Y/L/N. One word.”

You nodded, pointing at her, “Close close! I had to stifle laughs as I walked into the room and he just shook his head.” you brought your voice down, “This isn’t funny, Dr. Y/L/N. Just help me.”

And she continued to laugh loudly, “Each time he came in I would be in a fit of laughter for the first five minutes, until he threatened not to refer me and then it stopped.”

She was about to speak when her pager started going off. Lexie sighed, picking up her pager to read the message. Before slowly getting out her wallet to grab money out, “Duty calls?”

“Sadly. It was nice to meet you Y/N.” she said, standing up from the barstool.

You nodded back at her, lifting your beer bottle towards her, “And you, Dr. Grey. Next time a patient needs pt, ask your attending if you could talk to me. Good luck on whatever it is you’re rushing off to. Have a good rest of your night.”

Lexie left with a sense of serotonin as she walked across the street to the hospital. A little pep in her step and it all dawned on her. Did she have feelings for you? And why was she upset going into the bar in the first place?

#grey’s anatomy #grey’s anatomy imagines #lexie grey x reader #lexie grey imagines

313 notes · View notes

sallysgrancanwrite · 2 years ago

Text

Chapter Three

Chloe didn't have to worry about Beth waking her up, it actually turned out to be Michael. When the phone rang she peeled her tongue off the roof of her mouth and picked it up.

"Hello. Beth shopping can wait a couple hours. I'm a bit tired yet.” She said snuggling back in.

"Good morning Chloe, it's Michael. I didn't mean to wake you. I was just wondering, would you like to have dinner tonight?"

"Can I get back to you after some coffee. I can call you later if that's okay?"

"Oh, sure that's fine. Again I'm sorry I woke you. Goodbye.”

"It's fine. I'll call you a bit later. Goodbye.”

Wow, thought Chloe, this guy moves fast. We just met last night and he wants to go to dinner already. We'll it couldn't hurt, she thought. It’s just dinner.

Chloe got up and showered and put on a yellow flowered sundress. She loved this dress, she felt very feminine in it. And it showed off her nice figure. She put on a bit of mascara and eyeliner and just a touch of blush. She stood looking in the mirror at her hair and decided to just brush it and throw it up in a ponytail for now.

When she got downstairs Edith was drinking some coffee and eating some toast with a small dab of apple butter.

"Well, good morning sleepy head.” Edith chuckled. "Thought you would sleep all day,” she said.

"Edith,” said Chloe, “It’s only 8:00 in the morning. I would have slept longer actually if I hadn't gotten a call. "

"So who was the young man calling so bright and early,” Edith asked out of curiosity.

Chloe rolled her eyes and stated, “It was Michael, the new banker in town that I met last night."

"Well, he definitely is an early bird, and he sounds so nice and polite."

"Oh, he is nice and polite but he could have let a girl get some beauty sleep."

"So, what are your plans today, dear? You haven't had a weekend off in some time."

"I'm not sure past this cup of coffee right now,” she laughed.

"And I might need more than one cup to get moving today."

As Edith and Chloe were visiting in the kitchen Bob came in and said he was going to a flea market in Bartlesville, the next town over.

"Who feels like a flea market? You ladies want to come with?” he asked the two of them.

Edith spoke up quickly, "You don't have to ask me twice. I love me a flea market!” She said with excitement.

"Sorry Edith and Bob, but I think I'll hang out here," Chloe said as she poured herself another cup of coffee.

As she sat quietly drinking her coffee, the phone rang.

"Why can't I just nurse this hangover without being bothered."

She went to answer it and prayed it was just someone for Bob and Edith. No luck there, it was Beth. All chipper and well rested it sounded like. She wished she was.

"Hey Beth,” she said in a groggy and ruff voice.

"You want to hit the mall and spend obscene amounts of money?” she laughed.

“I'm exhausted, Chloe stated. But I'll go because if I stay here I'll just fall back to sleep in my warm comfy bed. Besides, I could use some retail therapy. Why dont we take your car? You can come pick me up."

"Great! I'll be there in a half hour or so,” Beth said excitedly.

Chloe hung up and went and brushed her hair and took one more look in the mirror. As she came back downstairs there was a knock at the door. Chloe opened the door and was surprised to see Michael standing there.

"Michael, this is a surprise. I was just getting ready to go shopping with Beth. Why don't you come in until she gets here."

She had to admit he was quite dashing and handsome. She hadn't noticed it last at the bar. Probably because of the lighting. It was pretty dim.

"So what brings you by?"

She realized she was as nervous as a school girl. Sitting by him on the couch she could feel her heart beating faster.

He is so very handsome, and that cologne smells great, she thought.

"I came to take you to breakfast, if that's okay with you I know I asked you on the phone to have dinner with me but I wanted to get to know you and had nothing planned today. So, here I am.”

"Oh, Michael, I made plans today with Beth. I am so sorry".

"That's okay. How about dinner then?" I'm sorry I don't mean to be pushy.”

"Oh, you aren't," replied Chloe. "Dinner would be okay".

"Great! What time should I pick you up?”

"Well, I suppose 6:00 would be okay.”

Michael stood up and walked to the door.

"I'll be here at 6:00 then, goodbye Chloe,” he said.

He had barely pulled out of the driveway when Beth arrived.

"Hey girl, are you ready to shop till we drop?’ she asked laughing.

“Yep, let's hit the mall,” Chloe smiled and said.

As they got into Beth's car she looked at Chloe and asked,

"Wasn't that Michael that just left?”

"Yes, and he's picking me up at 6 for dinner.”

"Ooo la la.” Beth chuckled and got in the car.

Chloe just rolled her eyes.

#original fiction #original story #writeblr

2 notes · View notes

arthurflecksgirl · 4 years ago

Note

Hello 💖

May I please have Arthur x Reader? They get into a fight and reader is so stressed that they get overheated and ends up passing out? Like their pulse is fast and out cold for a few hours. Thanks chu 💫✨⭐

Hiiiii hun, I missed you! ❤ Of course. Its always a pleasure. Here is the result and I reallyyyyyyy hope you like it.❤

Arthurs hand in yours felt warm and familar. It was the only thing to hold onto in this cold, dark world, especially here in Gotham city. Walking through those crowded streets usually wasnt fun. But today he was by your side. The two of you together. Hand in hand. There was nothing in this world you needed more. Even though it was just a regular day, there was that moment of pure happiness.

You just came back from Arthurs appointment with his new therapist and she seemed so much nicer than Dr Kane. She even allowed you to be present for the whole time, because Arthur was more than nervous about meeting her for the first time. He didnt had any good experience with his former ones. Arthur wished for someone to listen. Now that he was with you, he always had someone to talk to. But he still wanted to go to therapy, he wanted to get better and he needed to go there,to get his meds.

Arthur was very toughtful with his medication. Sometimes he took one more pill in the hope to find some sleep, but besides that he was trying his best to take his meds like he should. He knew it was important to talk about his thoughts and he felt the need to do so.

The new doctor seemed nice and asked him to start a brand new journal. She thought it was time to let the old diary go. It was nothing more but bad memories of loneliness and with you on his side, his lonely times were finally over . Arthur smiled when Dr. Tyler told him so. He liked the idea of a new journal. So you both went into the city to get him a new one.

Arthur sqeezed your hand while he held his new diary with the other. It was dark red, his fave color. "I`ve got lots and lots of blank pages now" he said.

"Yes, I bet they will be filled with some new jokes tonight?" you blinked at him, which almost made him blush. It was so easy to make him blush. He was so innocent at heart.

"Nahh I think I will write some poetry tonight, especially for you."

"Oh Artie, you`re the sweetest"

"Dont say that before you read the poems" he laughed.

"I know they`re going to be beautiful"

He pressed his new diary to his chest "I dont know....sometimes I think I`m not good with words. I mean, besides from joking. Its hard to put my feelings into words. Especially love. I mean. I feel it. I feel so much of it. Too much actually. Its so much it feels like the words and letters are too tiney to fit all these emotions in them because the emotions are like....endless... and....." he looked at you and noticed the grin on your face "See? Thats what I mean. I am not good in this. At all."

"It was actually pretty impressive".

A shy smile crossed his thin lips "Thank you, honey".

You felt happy for him. Arthur appriciated the little things in life. Like holding hands or a brand new journal. A poem.

Life in Gotham was often overwhelming but hand in hand you both created your own little world. You made the universe as small as you wanted to.

You just crossed the street as you noticed a very small man being kicked by a puff looking dude. Arthur immediately noticed. He knew these kinda situations too well.

"Arthur look, what is happening over there?"

He let go of your hand and ran up to them "Oh my god, thats Gary!"

He was a fast runner and it was almost impossible to be as fast as he. The traffic got in the way and for a second he was out of sight.

"Arthur?!"

He waved for you to come over.

He was kneeing down at Garys "Gary, my god, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" His workmate tried to get up "Its okay Art, I think I`m fine. Maybe a broken a bone or two".

"You are joking right?" Arthur seemed confused. Sometimes he couldnt tell if someone made a joke or not.

"His bones are not the only ones getting broken today" the muscular guy laughed.

"Excuse me, what?" Arthur got up but not before making sure Gary was able to walk.

"You heard me, you clown. Thats what you both are, right? Fucking clowns. I saw you working for HaHas."

Arthur took a step closer "So what?"

You took his hand "Arthur , I think we should go home right now"

Gary was standing right next to you, holding his arm, a painful look on his face.

Arthur focused the stranger "No. I mean, my friend was just attacked by this guy and I really want to know why".

A cruel smile formed on the attackers face "Because I felt like it, clown boy. I mean look at this freak" he pointed at Gary.

There was something in Arthurs eyes you havent seen before "Dont ever call him a freak again. He is my friend!"

"Awwwww" the tall guy yelled "Sweet" and just as he said so, he punshed Artthur in the face. Bloods of drop dripped down his nose.

"Ohhh clwon boy got a red nose. How tragic!"

Your touched Arthurs cheek "Oh my god, are you okay? Baby?"

The attacker couldnt stop laughing "Baby! Hahaha. Yeah . Thats what he is" and his fist punshed Arthur right into the stomach. Arthur fell down on his knees, bending forward from pain. Gary whimpering in the background. This was all too much.

Arthur pulled his gun.

The stranger took two steps back "Calm down, pal."

"Leave now or you will see what clown boy can do" Arthur coughed while the blood was running down his nose.

"Arthur, don`t. He`s not worth it" Gary cried behind you.

You almost forgot how crowded this street was. But no one seemed to notice. No one ever seemed to care here in Gotham city.

The attacker turned around and ran away. Arthurs gun disappeared in his pocket.

Watching him pulling out his gun was too much for you. You almost thought he would do something.

"Arthur you almost...." you felt the heat floathing your body. It was uncomfortable.

"No, I didnt. I only wanted to scare him. Its not even loaded."

His words should have camled you down but it was already to late for that. Your pulse was racing from stress. And the moment Arthur took you in his arms , your vision started to blurr.

The next thing you remembered was waking up on Arthurs couch. His huge, green blanket covering your whole body.

Arthurs curls tickeling your nose. The familiar smell of Prell shampoo and his cigarettes.

You were home.

How did you got here?

You tried to recall what happened.

Gary.

There was an attacker and Arthur got into a fight with him.

You tried to remember more but everything seemed like a dream you forgot the minute you woke up.

"Darling?" you said with a sleepy voice while you felt Arthurs arms tight around your body.

"I`m here, Y/N. I`m right here. You are home. Everything is okay."

"I cant remember...what happened....is Gary okay,too?"

"He is" Arthur whispered into your ear. You now noticed that quiet music was playing in the background.

He kissed into your hair "He got away with some scratches."

You turned your head to face him "You`re nose is hurt" you kissed the tip of his nose.

"Thats....nothing. I`ll be fine. The most important thing is how you feel. You passed out. "

"Ohh....thats why I cant remember anything...this happenes when I get stressed out".

Arthur stroke your hair "I`m so sorry, its my fault.I should`t have pulled out that fucking gun".

"You only wanted to protect Gary "

"Yeah...."

"Dont blame yourself,Arthur. " you rested your head on his chest "I cant even remember you bringing me home. "

"I carried you all the way home. You coudln`t walk."

"Oh my god..."

He pulled you even closer "Tell me if there is anything I can do...."

"Just hold me....and could you....could you please kiss my neck until I fall back to sleep? I feel like I need some rest...After I fell asleep you could start the first page of your journal and tomorrow you can show me the poems you wrote? That would be nice."

"Of course darling" Arthur placed his smirk right on the spot he knew so well, placing one kiss after another, one as gentle as the other.

You thought about the unwritten poetry and what he might write for you.

But for now his lips on your skin was the most beautiful poem ever written.

#joker #joaquinphoenix #arthur fleck #arthurfleck #dc #joker movie #joker 2019 #joker arthur fleck #arthur fleck imagine #joker imagine #joker fanfic #arthur fleck fanfic #joker fanfiction #arthur fleck fanfiction #arthurfleckfanfiction #joker x you #Arthur Fleck x you #Arthur Fleck x reader

36 notes · View notes

feeling-uncomfy · 4 years ago

Text

Here's part two!! The warnings kick in a little more during this one, so be cautions!

Sorry in advance Tokoyami—

Hope you enjoy!

"Are you sure you didnt get hurt?" Hawks asked for the umpteenth time as Tokoyami chewed on his food. He sighed and repeated the same answer he had given Hawks an hour ago when he first asked. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just hit the ground." And Hawks stood nervously over him.

"Dont you want to eat?" Tokoyami looked up at Hawks, who shrugged. "I'll be fine, no need to worry about me." Tokoyami sighed. This happened everytime they ended up in a situation like this. The last time Tokoyami didnt stop him, Hawks went a week straight without sleep. Tokoyami didnt make that mistake again.

Hawks turned as the door opened. Tokoyami went on guard and Hawks put himself between Tokoyamiand the door, but they both relaxed as the Todoroki's walked in. Endeavor stood towering over Hawks and Tokoyami, coat discarded. Shouto wasn't wearing a suit, having decided he didnt want any part in this mafia business after his mother was injured when Shouto was small. Endeavor called it a phase.

Endeavor looked at Hawks and nodded, and Shouto walked over to Tokoyami, calm as ever. Endeavor and Hawks wandered over to the other side of the room, and Endeavor began speaking. "The woman is in stable condition." Hawks breathed a sigh of relief, and he was sure Tokoyami would be the same. "Also." Hawks snapped to attention. He hated when there was an also. Endeavor continued. "The group the lady came from sends their deepest apologies, and wish to send men over to assist with the rebuilding." Oh, that didnt sound half-bad.

"Which group?" Hawks asked, getting excited. Endeavor's face scrunched up. "Have you heard of a man by the name Toumura Shigaraki?" Hawks stopped. He had, and he hated that bastard. "No, tell him he can keep his men and piss off." Hawks snapped immediately. "Now, hold on–" Endeavor started, and Hawks yelled.

Tokoyami looked over at the argument. "I wonder what it is this time?" Shouto asked, chowing down on Tokoyami's food. Tokoyami sighed and drank some of the milkshake he ordered. "Whatever it is, they better get over it soon."

"Yeah, they're awful loud, aren't they?"

Tokoyami twists around to find a total stranger bent over them. Tokoyami immediately scrambles away, his fight-or-flight senses kicking in full swing. Shouto also swings backwards, startled by the sudden presence. The man laughs quietly, standing at his full height. "Woah, a little jumpy there, aren't we?" When neither respond, the stranger takes off his hood.

"Forgive my rudeness, I haven't introduced myself, have I?" His eyes are a bright blue, and Tokoyami hates the way he seems to stare into his soul. "The names Dabi, at your service." He reaches a hand out, and Tokoyami hesitates, not trusting him for a second. Dabi shrugs and pulls back. "Not much of a talker, huh? That's fine." Tokoyami tried to get his breathing back to normal, in fear of panicking too much.

Hawks glanced over, and did a double take. "Hey asshole, back off!" Hawks called, stomping over. He stood between Tokoyami and Dabi, glaring. Dabi smirked and stood back, hands raising in mock surrender. "Alright, alright. No need to be so feisty, we were just talking."

Hawks glares at him, and Tokoyami reaches out and grips the back of Hawks jacket, breathing shakily. Dabi cocks a brow, and leans forward, causing Hawks to tense. "Hey birdie, look here." Tokoyami glances at him, and Dabi pulls something out of his pocket. "The fuck are you—" Hawks starts, but Dabi just shushes him and pulls out—

A tub? He opens it and points it towards Tokoyami. "Its ice. Dont think about it too much, just pop it in your mouth." Tokoyami looked confused, and Dabi sighs and talked Tokoyami's hand, and Tokoyami flinches when Dabi makes him take an ice cube. It's cold, and Tokoyami isnt sure what to do with it. "Eat it." Dabi pushes the hand towards Tokoyami's mouth.

Hawks is frozen, torn between angry and... Hawks isnt sure what the other emotion is. Tokoyami doesn't say anything, and the ice disappears, immediately Tokoyami winced. It's freezing cold, stinging his tongue and his teeth clash horribly against it. All thoughts of panic are gone, replaced with questions of why the fuck he just did that. He shivers and tried to move it around, its gross and cold.

Dabi pulls back, seemingly satisfied. "Not so panicked now, are we?" Hawks blinks. Tokoyami thinks about it for a second, and nods uncertainly. Dabi flashes him a grin, thought its unseen because of the mask. "Good." Dabi goes pats his head, which causes Tokoyami to veer back. Dabi chuckles dryly. "Still weary? That's fine." He turned to Hawks. "Shigaraki, my boss sent me. I'm to help with some stuff?" Hawks tilts his head. "Yeah, thanks but no thanks. Any man from that group isnt trustworthy to me." Hawks states bluntly.

Dabi snorts. "Wow, rude. Remember that, if not for me, birdie here would be having an anxiety attack right now." Hawks couldn't argue with that, though he didnt budge. Dabi sighed. "I can call off the others, if you want? But Shigaraki was adamant about helping." Dabi looked at Tokoyami, who had finally finished the ice-cube. "How about it, kid?" Tokoyami glanced at Hawks, then Dabi. He took a second before speaking.

"You..." Hawks looked down at him, and turned so they were standing side-by-side. Tokoyami looked at Dabi again. "You have to swear not to pull a fast one. No double crossing." Hawks raised a brow. Tokoyami very rarely spoke directly to adults, especially not like this. Hawks wondered why it was suddenly easier.

Dabi snorted, and stuck his hand out again. "Let's shake on it? I swear not to engage in any double crossing, if you swear to get your idiot of a brother to let me help." Tokoyami looked at the hand, and Hawks jumped in, shaking it instead. If Tokoyami was willing, then Hawks supposed he could let Dabi stay.

Dabi sighed, but they shook hands. "Great, let's get started. Why dont you show me around, birdie?" Tokoyami blinked up at him. He hadn't really been paying much attention when Dabi had called him that earlier, but now...

"What's with the nickname?" Shouto, who seemed to have finally recovered, looked at Dabi in suspicion. "Ah, well, Hawks's brand is a pair of wings, yeah? It's his thing." Dabi ruffled Shouto's hair. "So obviously, his brother is the baby bird of the organisation. Thus, birdie." Hawks looked up, glaring. He hadn't told Dabi that. Shouto nodded, and didnt comment any further.

Dabi left, expecting Tokoyami to follow. He did, with much hesitation, and Hawks followed them out immediately. No way did Hawks trust Dabi's apparent 'interest' in his little brother, and he wasnt letting them get a second of alone time. Dabi for one, didnt seem to mind Hawks's constant presence for the first while, and Tokoyami was grateful for it.

While he had quietly thanked Dabi for the ice, Tokoyami couldn't fully relax whenever Dabi was in the room. If Dabi noticed, he was doing a good job at hiding it. He still tried to talk to him, and every day it was the same. Tokoyami trying to open up just a little, but shying away everytime.

Dabi never seemed as impatient while talking with Tokoyami in comparison to everyone else, which was strange. He straight-up refused to acknowledge Endeavor, and greeted Shouto the same way he would greet Tokoyami, which frustrated Endeavor. With Hawks, it was a fifty-fifty. Sometimes Dabi would greet him with a sarcastic remark, other times he'd just groan and ignore him. Tokoyami and Hawks were confused as to why.

Hawks often found himself wondering why Tokoyami found it easier to relax with Dabi than any other adult. Well, that's a lie, Hawks knew why his baby brother found it hard to relax, especially when adults were in the picture, and Hawks had tried again and again to get Tokoyami to try trust people. Therapy hadn't exactly gone well, not after Hawks had to tell him Tokoyami would be alone for thirty minutes with a stranger.

Hawks sighed. He was so, so proud to see Tokoyami talking with an adult that wasnt him or Endeavor, but Hawks wondered why it had to he one of Shigaraki's men. That man was as trustworthy as a rope about to snap. And Hawks knew that there was something up that bastards sleeve, but he couldn't bring himself to scare Tokoyami off Dabi, in fear that his brother would never trust anyone else again.

Hawks couldn't bear to be the one who broke his baby brother's trust in the world, it was his job to keep him safe, not terrify him. It was complicated, and it was hard, but Hawks knew it was worth it to see his brother smile, even if it was rare.

After three weeks, the building was repaired in one, so things had gone back to normal, which was good. Dabi didnt show any signs of leaving, however. Tokoyami speculated on why Dabi wasnt leaving, while Hawks was yelling at someone over the phone. Dabi plopped himself down next to Tokoyami with a sigh. He glanced up at the sudden presence, but looked away again.

"So. Three weeks really flew, huh?" Dabi muttered. He knew what was coming, but he couldn't stop it. He could warn them, but risk dying. He sighed again and glanced at this kid. This stupidly anxiety-ridden kid that had grown on him, and wondered if he could stop what was going to happen. Rationally, he knew the answer was no, but Dabi found himself wishing there was some magical way he could get Tokoyami out of this.

But, unfortunately, Shigaraki was not a patient person.

Dabi looked over at Hawks. "What's chicken boy yelling about this time?" Dabi had quickly grown accustomed to the volume, but it annoyed him still. Tokoyami startled only slightly, and shrugged. "I'm not sure, I think it's another business opportunity denying him." Dabi snorted. "Isnt that like, the third guy this week?" Tokoyami nodded, his shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

Dabi looked over at the clock. "Shit." She said quickly, causing Tokoyami to look over in distress. "What is it?" Dabi shook his head. It was three o'clock, which meant...

"Kid, I just wanna say..." Dabi looked down at Tokoyami. Very slowly, he reached out and gave his head a gentle pat and surprisingly, Tokoyami made no move to stop him. He tensed slightly, but other than that, Tokoyami didnt object to Dabi's touch. Dabi smiled under the mask. Where was this two weeks ago? "Kid, you're... Hawks better take care of you." Tokoyami blinked, but laughed quietly.

"I'm sure he will, besides, he's doing a good job. He always has." Tokoyami looked over at Hawks, and Dabi couldn't help but scoff. "People always seem to be doing a 'good job' until something bad happens." Tokoyami looked over at him. He was silent for a moment, almost debating whether he should say something at all. Dabi was quiet, letting him think.

"I trust Hawks. If anything happens, I know he'll help. I know he'll be here." Tokoyami spoke truthfully, staring intently at the ground. 'Trust' isnt a word he could afford to throw around, but Tokoyami knew that he could trust his brother to pull through, without a doubt. Trust wasnt something that came easy to Tokoyami, Dabi knew, so to hear it from his mouth meant he was serious.

Dabi shook his head. "Yeah, well. Make sure he lives up to that, okay?" Tokoyami nodded, and there was a car screeching to a stop outside. Dabi cursed internally, and Tokoyami's head snapped to the door. Hawks had also stopped yelling, and slowly took his own gun out.

For a second, it was quite. Then, something was thrown into the room. Dabi's eyes widened. It was a flash grenade, and it went off with a loud bang. Tokoyami was shoved to the ground, his ears were ringing and he couldn't see anything. His arm was grabbed and he was dragged away, and he thrashed around. The person clamped a hand over his mouth, and his yell was muffled.

The person was saying something, but Tokoyami couldn't hear anything, and he was suddenly thrown onto the floor. Two people were fighting above him, but Tokoyami looked around and couldn't see shit. There were gunshots, he was sure. His arm was grabbed again and he was dragged off, into one of the little office areas. He struggled, and the person held onto his face, making him look up.

His vision cleared slightly, and he saw Dabi kneeling over him. His mouth was moving, but he couldn't hear anything. Tokoyami latched onto Dabi's arms in a panic, and Dabi tensed and another hand went over Tokoyami's mouth. He tried not to pull back when Dabi dragged them over to a wall and sat them down.

The ringing in his ears died down, and he could hear people shouting, and guns being fired. Dabi was still talking. "... Kid, you're gonna have to find somewhere to go. Did you get all that?" Tokoyami looked up and shook his head. Dabi cursed and repeated himself. Okay, find somewhere like a safe-room and hide, try get Todoroki as well.

He could do that. Probably. Dabi sighed and had to just assume he could. Tokoyami looked at the chaos spiraling around him and couldn't pull his thoughts together. Red and white– look for red and white...

There! Tokoyami took off and found Todoroki on ghe ground. His leg was bleeding and his eyes were unfocused. Tokoyami dragged him off into an empty corridor when he heard Dabi yelling. Panicking, Tokoyami turned to see him hit the ground and get dragged off. Tokoyami looked between Dabi and Todoroki and cursed quietly. Tokoyami couldn't decide on who needed him more– he was gonna screw it up—

Hawks screamed.

Tokoyami's eyes widened and he watched his brother– who never yelled like that– collapse. Tokoyami didnt have to think twice about it and ran forward. Hawks looked up at him and said something– Tokoyami didnt make it out. Someone grabbed him and Tokoyami kicked whoever it was, he was dropped and he continued making his way over.

Tokoyami was grabbed again– this time by the neck. He gagged and felt something stick into his arm. He felt cold and oddly... sleepy? No– he knew what this was. His vision swam and he reached for his brother– he couldn't move. His mouth was covered, so he presumed he was still yelling. It all faded out and Tokoyami went limp.

Hawks had to watch. Because he was too weak to move– he had to watch this asshole drag his brother away. He tried to move– to do something but he couldn't. He prayed for some sort of miracle.

But nothing happened.

Part 2 end.

I love cliffhangers :)

#boku no hero academia #tokoyami #bnha hawks #bnha dabi #kill me if you want ig I welcome death with open arm UwU

17 notes · View notes

hey-hamlet · 5 years ago

Text

BNHA AU Ideas: Puppydog Tails

Also on AO3!

TL;DR:

Izuku manifests his quirk, and watches his old life burn in front of him in a matter of months. Scared the villains that killed his mother will come after him, he uses his shape-shifting quirk to hide in plain sight as Katsuki's dog. They keep each other safe and sane throughout the years, a duo people become uses to seeing as they jog down the sidewalk each morning.

Izuku doesn't just use his quirk to help Katuski. His heroic spirit can't be crushed so easily. In his wanderings, he meets and helps countless people, from heroes to Katsuki's future classmates.

Let's just say Katsuki's first day of school is a wild one.

basically, izuku is a shapeshifter, but can only change into different mammals. he needs to know their internal organ structure perfectly or he's in trouble too.

he manifests his quirk and quickly goes about learning some common but practical animals like a small cat, greyhound, mouse, bat and rabbit

he and bakugo are friends

his good times dont last long though, his mother is killed for a connection to a villain she didnt know she had (probably dad for one) and the villain group is after izuku as well

they don't know his quirk, he honestly hadn't gotten it registered yet

inko tells izuku to run, hide and be safe, right before shes practically cremated where she stands by a powerful fire quirk. izuku runs, shifts into a small dog and goes the only place he can think: the park he and bakugo play in

now, mitsuki is frantic bc inko's house is on fire and they can't find inko or izuku

katsuki doesn't know whats happening though, and she sends him off to the park in case they start pulling bodies out of the building. katsuki is happy to go, asks if he can bring izuku. mitsuki says izukuis busy

katsuki goes to the park and hears a soft whining sound, he finds izuku, hidden behind a tree, smelling like ash

izuku shifts back to a human and explains that villains hurt his mama and they want to hurt him too

katsuki, crying, tells him to change back into a dog. he'll keep him safe from the villains. izuku agrees, only if he can look after katsuki in turn.

they don't tell mitsuki. izuku is worried she'll get hurt, and part of his is also worried she knew about the villains and said nothing.

Katsuki and dog!izuku run back to the house, only finding charred bones where his mother had been

they both sob

mitsuki finds her son, sobbing as he clutches a tiny dog to his chest, seeing a sight so horrific she herself wants to throw up. when he asks if they can keep the puppy later that night, it's not even a question in her mind. of course they can. Anything to keep that broken expression off her son’s face.

katsuki changes after that. his best friend and friends mother apparently dead, he gets angry, but he's scared to go out where there are lots of people. he's scared of the villains that killed izuku's mum, scared they'll hurt them like they hurt inko

he goes to therapy. they quickly work out the dog is helping him cope, so izuku is trained as a therapy dog. he does astoundingly well, unsurprisingly.

katsuki ends up bullied for his service dog, but the amount they help each other is enough for him to be willing to put up and shut up

the only time he ever explodes is when someone hurts his dog, 'deku' and it's not like izuku sits idly by while katsuki gets hurt either

anyway, izuku likes to wander, whenever katsuki doesn't have school or is feeling particularly good, he'll go on an adventure, normally as a different animal

every animal he shifts into is green, so katsuki sometimes sees him when he's out and smiles

izuku's heroic spirit is undying, even as an animal, which kinda leads to him sticking his nose where it doesn't belong and helping out kids he thinks need the help.

he hears shouting and crying from the foster home down the road, sees a child muzzled

he goes hero watching as a kitten, sees the small child standing too stoic on the front lines as endeavour fights. he follows him home, whistling songs to the kid when he cries, perching on his shoulder when he sees him

ochako remembers the fluffy puppy with its massive paws showing up at her door when the power went out during winter, keeping her warm with its curly green-black fur

aizawa knows of the kitten that ages too slowly and keeps bringing troubled children to him

iida remembers the rabbit that used to race him on the tracks. without his quirk its was honestly a challenge

kirishima knows about a dark colour fawn that would always come over to him when he was upset and let him bury his face in its fur and cry

mina remembers the little green bat that nested in her hair and clumsily copied her as she danced, its colour making her feel better about her own

Tsuyu would often see a little green and black tanuki when she’d take her siblings out. It always kept them safe and out of danger and never failed to make her smile on a bad day.

he earns shinsou's trust as a too-small kitten, along with aizawa's (just out of school, learning to be an underground hero) , until he can drag aizawa to the house during the shouting. shinsou gets out, aizawa gains a son

shouto's best memories from his childhood are of the little cat that always showed up when he felt his worst, who purred like an engine in his arms and was never afraid of him

he also remembers seeing it the day he dyes his hair. its licks his nose

Even heroes know about the little green dog that watches from the sidelines. They’ve seen it drag civilians from danger, look for people in buried rubble and comfort crying children. It doesn’t often approach them, but it tends to do a little happy dance if they pet it, wagging its tail 1000 miles an hour if a hero so much as looks at it.

They call it little green, seeing him basically becomes a good luck charm. Even All Might feels a little better when he sees the little dog catching from the crowd, knowing it’ll keep some too-brave civilians safe from attacks and falling rubble.

When Katsuki applies for UA, his class doesn’t cheer him on. They whisper about the kid so angry, unstable and scared he brings a puppy to class. Izuku leans against Katsuki’s leg in support, unable to do anything for his friend. The teacher pays it no mind.

He’s told not to apply. He’s not normal or sane enough to be any help to anyone, they say. Katsuki flips them off and puts UA in all three slots on his form.

He takes Izuku with him on the day of the entrance exam. He tells himself it’s so Izuku can see the school at least once, if he doesn’t get in. Deep down he knows it’s because he’s scared and doesn’t want to be alone. Izuku doesn’t mind either way, he’s just excited to cheer on his best friend and get to look at some heroes.

He does leave Izuku with the teachers. He can take care of himself, but the idea of dragging him into a situation where he might accidentally burn his only friend? It makes him feel sick. Izuku understands. He’d do anything for Katsuki, but he was still scared to enter the exam location. He never did get over his fear of fire.

Izuku ends up in the monitor room. The teachers are trying not to coo over the too smart, too nice puppy. It’s All Might that recognises him.

“Is that, is that little green? The dog who always shows up at hero fights?”

Nemuri is ecstatic

“It totally is! I love that little guy! Hey little cutie, did you know you were famous? All the heroes around here love you!”

Aizawa, Nezu and Present Mic all separately notice that the dog honestly… he honestly looks flustered. Excited, yes, but almost sheepish. Aizawa draws some internal connections to the green and overly brave ‘stray’ kitten he’s seen his whole career. Nezu looks at the fur colour and thinks “quirked, like me. But was he always an animal?”. Present Mic sees the humanity in those eyes.

All three of them say nothing, filling the information away for later.

Katsuki ends up in the arena with Iida and Uraraka. He recognises both of them from Izuku’s whisper descriptions in the rare moments he let himself slip into human form.

Tall, broad, clearly the younger brother of Ingenium; that’s the stiff boy Izuku raced as a rabbit, trying to get him to loosen up and connect with those around him.

Round-faced, bright cheeks, fierce eyes and a body a little too thin from too many hungry nights? That’s the girl Izuku looked for when it got too cold, just to make sure he heating was working. She’d moved away from home, apparently. Izuku had found her new house and gave it a once over – if he figured it was safe, Katsuki would believe him. Izuku was the most paranoid person he’d ever met.

He almost went to say something. But Iida’s stern glare curdled his nerves. He shot back a snarl and focused on getting ready.

Back in the viewing room, Nemuri and Yagi are not so subtly fighting over Izuku. They are both trying to call him over, offer little bits of food, give him a good pat. It’s a little funny for Aizawa to watch as the poor pup ties himself in knots trying to please the both of them. He notes vaguely that he doesn’t take the food bribes from either of them.

Yagi is winning slightly, on virtue of being All Might, but Nemuri is not above begging a dog. It works shockingly well, with Izuku not wanting to upset a hero. She sends smug look’s All Might’s way as she triumphantly pats Izuku.

Mic yells start, the student's flood into the arena. Katsuki makes short work of the robots, racking up a score of 50 in almost record time. The teachers watch as ‘Deku’ clearly tracks his charge across the screen, whining softly when he pushes himself a little too far or gets a little too close to the robots.

Then the zero pointer is released and all hell breaks loose.

Katsuki sees Uraraka, trapped. He can’t leave her; not one of Izuku’s people. He’d never forgive himself for letting someone important to Izuku get hurt ever again.

He doesn’t realise Izuku couldn’t stand seeing him hurt, either.

He blasts the rubble apart, shielding Uraraka with his body, preventing her from being hailed with slivers of rubble. Uraraka sees not another student, but a hero, saving her when she thought she might die, selflessly giving up time to save someone he didn’t know. She vows to make it up to him, somehow.

It’s not enough, the robot looms too close. Bracing himself as best he can, Katsuki lets out the largest explosion he can muster, uncaring of the damage it may do to his wrists. If he gets crushed, his wrists hardly matter, do they?

The robot shakes, then topples backwards, overbalanced by the blast. Katsuki drops to his knees, both wrists dislocated. He’s hissing swears under his breath.

Uraraka sees a lump of rock flying to him as he sits there, prone from the attack that saved her life. She leaps towards it, leaving it weightless before it can hit him. The action leaves her hand red raw from the force of the rock.

Time is called. They both collapse.

Izuku is off of the door the second the explosion sounds. It’s so big it rattles the monitors in their room. Nemuri tries to stop him, reaching for his collar, but his collar doesn’t fit a mouse. He shifts into the smaller form, scampering out the door upon where he shifts into a greyhound.

He takes off full tilt towards his friend's exam arena. He's panicked and scared – the flash of fire and the pained look in Katsuki’s eyes have totally fried his nerves.

The doors aren’t open yet. He doesn’t care, shifting into a bat until he can clear them, diving down as fast as he can. He shifts again into a greyhound, racing though the robots – broken and sparking.

He sees Katsuki, jaw grit tightly as he fights back tears of pain, and Izuku lets out a pathetic whine, running full tilt towards his best friend, before lingering nervously in front of him, unwilling to touch him lest he hurt him.

“Oh get over here, Deku.” There are tears in Katsuki’s eyes still, but he’s smiling softly. Izuku shifts once more, into the softest dog he can, pressing against his friend as his tail wags like mad.

Present Mic calls time. If he was a solid 30 seconds late as he tried to process the whirlwind of chaos that little,,, dog? Left, well no one was going to notice. Other than Nezu, obviously, but the maybe-rat seemed just a confused as him.

Uraraka turns to her hero, only to see the little dog that would warm her on cold nights. She turns to him, wide-eyed. Izuku sticks his head over Katsuki’s shoulder, making happy yips at her.

Iida stumbles over, confused as to how a dog got in, confuses as to how he clearly saw it change between two distinct dog breeds in its quest to reach the prickly boy he’d seen at the entrance, who had just seriously injured himself to save a stranger.

The dog looks at him, then perks up. It gives a quick snuggle into its owner's hair before trotting over to him. It wags its tail. Iida looks on, confused.

Before his eyes, he watches the dog shift into what is unmistakably the rabbit he remembers from his earlier childhood, the one that would race him around tracks until it’s little legs couldn’t race anymore and would bound over to him as happily was a rabbit could.

He stares.

Katsuki watches this and laughs.

“I see you’ve both met Deku.”

#puppydog tails au #bnha au #bnha #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochako #iida tenya #midoriya inko #bakugo mitsuki #mina ashido #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #principal nezu #All Might #midoriya #bakugo #izuku #katsuki

334 notes · View notes

themadauthorshatter · 4 years ago

Text

GUESS WHO'S BACK? BACK AGAIN WITH TOPPAT!CHARLES!?

Man, I do not know how long it's been since I last made a post on Toppat!Charles, but it's been a while!!!!

If you haven't read the previous parts, you can find them here:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3: https://themadauthors-bitch.tumblr.com/post/634320381188161536/i-dont-know-if-tumblr-showed-it-or-not-but-here

Part 4: https://themadauthors-bitch.tumblr.com/post/634769620050558976/welcome-back-one-and-all

Part 5:

Part 6:

As usual: RECAP!!!

Henry acts on his plan to rescue Charles, said plan being to use the location of the clan's next big heist to get info or Charles himself. The plan went awry with the heist succeeding, Ellie getting severely injured, and Henry getting the snot kicked out of him by none other than Charles himself, who had given up on the notion that he would be rescued and stepped up to join his captors. Confused about and torn apart by Charles's and Ellie's words, we left Henry alone and guilty over the night's events.

HEAVY recap, I know, but one more thing before we truly begin: Two of the clan's previous leaders make an appearance in this chapter.

We good with all that? Great!

ON WITH THE STORY!!!!!!

We start off in the dead in night, in the middle of the dessert. Quiet and still as the moon shines high in the night sky.

Terrence Suave sprints on the sand as best as he can, panting heavily because he hasn't been full-fledged running in an eternity. CCC trucks are speeding behind him, but there is a bank truck ahead that just started driving and like hell Terrence isn't getting on it, especially if the truck is heading towards the city.

Nets and tranquilizers are being shot at him to retrieve him, but a lot of the darts keep bouncing off his augmentations and thankfully missing him and lqnding in the sand.

The CCC trucks are catching up, but Terrence continues running, tired and sore; his lungs burning and the stumps of where his arms and leg used to be are sore, not the metal, though there is a phantom limb feeling going on and it is not a good feeling to have right now; even if one of his legs are metal, the other is sore as hell.

He gets closer to the bank truck as its speed increases, Terrence letting out a yell as he jumps and snatches the latch of the door and hops on, holding on for dear life as he sees the CCC trucks slow and eventually turn around.

He heaves and breathes very fast and heavily as he watches the sky, noting the orbital station.

"Right," he says raspily, "you sorry son of a bitch."

CUT TO HENRY!!!

We find him watching with a hollow expression as Ellie is doing some physical therapy to help her leg; Charles is surprisingly one hell of a shot.

The two partners haven't spoken since the plan backfired and while Ellie waves at Henry, Henry only keeps his expression.

It's hard to live life when you can't stop living.

The words have had plenty of time to sink in.

Ellie and Henry are the same.

And Henry feels dumb for not noticing sooner.

"Whatever happened between you two, you better patch it up before that CCC guy gets here."

Henry looks over his shoulder to see Galeforce walking to stand beside him.

"Bill Bullet called. Even though the mission... didn't go as planned, he still wants to bring you into his facility."

Henry turns back to Ellie in time to see her trip and fall down, her leg shaking. She's been walking for maybe an hour and, while she has gotten stronger, she is also tired and needs to rest.

'Only if Charles came back here safely. That was our agreement.'

"Guess he can't wait."

Henry continues to watch Ellie help herself into her crutches.

CUT TO THE ORBITAL STATION!!!

Charles is standing in that cafeteria area that Right was in in the Free Man ending and staring at Earth.

The heist was a success. The clan got the sapphire. No one got arrested.

But Ellie got hurt.

Sure, she wasn't there to help him, but she was still busy taking care of the toppat, and she got injured, so there's that.

"Like the view, kid?"

Charles doesn't look at Right when he walks up to and stands beside him.

"Reg always talked about wanting a view like this. 'E really liked the sky. Night, day, didn't matter. 'E jist didn't want to be stuck on the ground."

Charles turns his head slightly. "How close were you two?"

"Closer than you and those two criminals were."

Charles looks back at the window, content to let Right keep talking.

"The clan was in shambles after the last leader took over. Reg 'ad some big shoes to fill, and 'e knew that. Didn't stop 'im from stepping up." Right leans forward on the glass with his arm, his head against forearm. "'E was better than the other leaders. Smarter. 'E got the clan back on its feet. Never met a toppat leader who took good care of the clan."

Charles doesn't look at Right, but imagine if this was a game cutscene or movie or something. We'd have Right be closer to the camera and in better focus with Charles beside him, but seemingly behind him, with how the shot is framed, and out of focus.

Charles is back in focus as he asks, "He was that good, huh?"

Right only nods, not looking away from Earth.

"If that's the case, he should've been more careful, then. None of this would've happened, if he was."

Quick as a flash, Right grabs Charles and smashes him into the window by his collar.

"Careful, pilot. You might be in the toppat clan, but no one 'ere'll stop me from throwing you out there."

Right glares at Charles for a second longer before letting him go and leaving the room with no more words spoken.

Charles resumes staring at Earth.

Sorry, Ellie.

CUT BACK TO EARTH!

Back to Henry sleeping in his bed. I know, I'm so original, right?🤪🥴

Don't worry, this time is different.😉

While Henry sleeps, someone quite rudely bursts into his room, waking him up.

Before he can draw the gun under his pillow, one cybernetic hand grabbing his mouth while the other holds down the hand that's going for the gun, and a normal, human knee digs into his stomach.

"Sorry to wake you up, but this is important."

Henry's eyes adjust and and he sees Terrence Suave over him, sweaty, ragged, and shaking from running for miles on end.

Henry stares at his father with wide eyes before using his free hand to write a message on Terrence's forehead: 'What. The. Hell.'

"Just stay quiet, okay? I have an idea on how we can get your friend back and keep you out of-"

Henry shakes his head and writes another message.

'It didn't work. He got away with the sapphire and won't let is help.'

Terrence sits back on his heels and pulls Henry up into a sitting position. "What happened?"

Henry looks at his feet and signs, 'We tried hijacking the heist they planned. I think they were expecting us. They got the sapphire and Ellie got shot. Charles was with them.' Henry starts choling up and his signing becomes rougher. 'He won't come back. He shot Ellie. He shot us both. He's one of them now.'

Terrence lowers his head and runs his fingers through his hair at the news. "That's... I... I'm so sorry." After a second, he asks, "How is she? Your friend Ellie?"

Henry shrugs before signing, 'Getting better. We aren't talking right now.'

"You should," Terrence states matter-of-factly with a scowl. "She's the only friend you've got left and she's going through something that'd be easier to deal with with someone there for her."

Henry glares back. 'She's been through worse. And what do you know about being there for others?'

Terrence rolls his eye. "We're really getting into this right now? What did she even do? The clan took the sapphire and not her, right?"

At this, Henry nods, slowly and shamefully.

"Then quit being a baby and man up. Don't you two want to get your friend back?"

Henry doesn't respond for a second, after which he signs. 'What was your plan?'

Terrence's face stretches into a smile. "You might want to throw some clothes on and wake up your girlfriend."

Henry blanches at those words, but doesn't get anything out as Terrence leaves the room.

Nonetheless, he gets up and meets Terrence and Ellie outside, the latter using crutches because her leg isn't strong enough yet.

Remember, neither have talked since the night of the heist, so both are silent before Ellie asks, "So, um, who's this?"

"Terrence Suave," Terrence replies as he ahakes Ellie's hand. "Although he won't admit it, I'm Henry's father."

Ellie's eyes widen as she looks between the two. "Huh. I can see the resemblance."

Henry shakes his head and signs, 'Plan.'

Terrence gives Henry a withering look. "All work and no play, huh?" When neither Ellie or Henry answer back, Terrence sighs; we're done playing around now.

"You remeber that Wall place you were held at?"

"How hard is it to forget?" Ellie groans back.

Despite the unnecessary amount of salt, Terrence continues, "I have a friend there that has connections with the clan."

"As in he got arrested?"

"As in I sent him there to spy so I could plan a heist on the treasury. Guess Reg and Right forgot about him." He gives a chuckle and rubs the back if his head. "And you give me snark for leaving you," he says to Henry.

Henry glares at his father before the gears in his head start turning and he starts smiling.

'I think we need to pack our bags.'

Ellie joins him in this smiling, as does Terrence.

CUT TO THE WALL!!

It is a LONG trip to get to The Wall, and a long process of explaining that they're only there for visiting, not arrest.

It certainly didn't help that Dmitri and Grigori had CCC guards and Bill Bullet at The Wall.

At the sight of them, Terrence quickly rushes Ellie and Henry into a nearby office and locks the door behind them.

"What was-"

"Okay," Terrence says slowly and under his breath, "change of plan. We're not doing this."

Where Henry rolls his eyes, Ellie bristles.

"Why not?"

Terrence mumbles under his breath, but both Henry and Ellie hear him say something along the lines of, "I kinda escaped, and now everyone's sort of looking for me."

Ellie cuts in, "You didn't think they'd look there first?"

"Give me a break, Red," Terrence barks. "I figured they'd be looking somewhere else by the time we got here."

Henry slinks past them and cracks the door open enough to look out into the cafeteria.

No wonder they overthrew you.

Henry watches Dmitri and Bill continue talking, the latter nodding at the former's words. When Bill looks over Dmitri's shoulders, Henry slips back inside and shuts the door; there are now more eyes than ever.

"What do we do?"

Henry gulps and shrugs before leaning back.

Terrence, however, is busy looking at files on a computer, specifically looking through the inmates that were arrsted during the time of Infiltrating the Airship.

I know. Great team dynamic, right? Best team ever, 10/10.

"Good news, I found Reggie."

Both Ellie and Henry turn to Terrence, who is very proud that he used a computer after so long and having only one eye.

"Twelfth floor. Just four levels down. If we're careful, we can take the stairs."

Henry shakes his head and points up to a vent, not in the ceiling, but close to it, on the wall.

He begins signing, but Ellie only looks confused as Terrence shakes his head.

"Not a good idea. You can crawl through just fine, but what about me and Ellie? How are we supposed to crawl around with this-" He points to his cybernetic leg, "-and that?" He points to Ellie's injured leg.

"What's he saying?"

"Apparently, our only option is to crawl our way to Reg through the vents, which is going to be impossible."

Henry signs agian, more frustrated now.

"We can't afford to be safe at the moment, if you haven't noticed." Terrence shakes his head and stage whispers to Ellie, "Close minded, just like his mother/father". (YOU decide if Henry's other parental figure was a man or a woman; I know toxic masculinity states men can't have emotional breakdowns that lead their kids into growing kleptomaniac tendencies, but I say FUCK TOXIC MASCULINITY).

Back on track, the comment APPALLS Ellie and makes Henry raise a fist, ready to swing-

"HEY!"

All three turn as the guard bangs on the door.

"HEY! WHO'S IN THERE!? OPEN THE DOOR!"

With no more options, the three climb up into the vent, Terrence and Henry helping Ellie before Henry and Terrence climb in, just getting into and closing the vent as the guard, Dmitri, and Bill enter.

"Strange, I thought there was someone..."

As the guard trails off, Bill takes a look at the computer and then the vent as Dmitri yells at the guard; the warrant's reputation has suffered enough already with Henry's and Ellie's escape.

Ellie is wide eyed as she covers her mouth, Terrence is scooting backwards as slowly and quietly as he can, and Henry only stares back at Bill.

"Is there something wrong here, Corporal?"

Bill is silent as he and Henry continue to stare each other. Neither move or blink.

"No," Bullet says after a long couple of minutes. "Nothing at all."

Dmitri turns his heel and leaves the room with the guard following.

Bill takes a second, though, and closes the page Terrence was on.

With a wink and nod to Henry, he leaves the room and shuts the door behind him. "Don't be so hard on your guards, Dmitri. Rookies are allowed to make mistakes."

No one in the trio speaks for a little while, but Henry gives Ellie a smile. 'We're gonna be okay.'

With her leg still healing and his body being more than half metal, Henry is alone as he retrieves Reginald Copperbottom.

CUT TO OUR FRIEND, THE PREVIOUS TOPPAT CLAN LEADER HIMSELF!!!!

Currently, Reginald is lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling of his cell, bored and hungry because the guards lost track of time again.

To say living in The Wall was bad is an understatement. Honestly, Terrence has had it better than our boy Reginald because at least the CCC crew cared about Terrence's well being and mental state. (They don't want Terrence going insame and causing chaos.)

The time alone has also made him incredibly lonely and made him realize just how much he's taken for granted. Having colleagues doing stuff for and with you being one. Privacy is another.

Mostly, though, he misses Right, not having him AS his right hand man, but just having him around.

But he's gone.

He remimds himself of that a lot, but that doesn't stop his mind from wandering back to Right.

Henry kicks the vent open and bursts into the cell, throwing himself to his feet like a badass.

At the sight of the guy who got him arrested in the first place, Reginald presses himself against the wall, getting as small as he can; he has no weapons, no one to defend him, and it's only him and Henry in the room.

"Wait! WAIT! Don't-"

Before he can finish, Henry grabs him by the collar and points to the vent.

"What? What are you saying?"

Henry groans and rolls his eyes before writing on Reg's hand with his finger, like he does with Ellie.

'Want to get out of here and see the Right Hand Man again?'

Reginald is silent for a second, feeling the world stop for a second.

"He... He's-"

'He's alive, yes! And he has my friend Charles!'

Reginald purses his lip and pouts as he 'hmphs' and turns his head to the window. "I'd say it serves you right, given what you did to the clan and my right hand man."

Henry slaps him for that one.

'It doesn't matter now. Do you want to stay here or see him again?'

On the intercom, Grogori announces, "Attention, everyone. There are intruders here in The Wall. Keep an eye out and report to the warrant once you find and apprehend them."

It makes Henry pale and Reginald smirk.

"GUARDS-"

Henry smacks a hand over Reginald's mouth and writes, 'LAST CHANCE. I WILL LEAVE YOU HERE, IF YOU DON'T AGREE TO COME WITH ME RIGHT NOW.'

As guards run closer, Reginald looks between the door and Henry, who hasn't broken eye contact ONCE.

This is his only chance of freedom, and, regardless of who's offering it, it is something he is going to look over.

Reginald nods and replies, "Alright," behind Henry's hand.

Both are gone when the guards arrive.

Inside the vent, Reginald groans in disgust as he crawls. "When do you suppose these were last cleaned? Is there no regard for good conditions here?"

Henry groans again and punched the back of Reginald's thigh.

CUT TO OUTSIDE THE WALL!!!!!

Ellie and Terrence are sitting outside as guards run around like ants, simply watching as they have acquired a truck. (HURRAY!!)

"What's taking him?" Ellie ponders as she rests her head on the steering wheel. "I hope he didn't get caught."

"He'll be okay," Terrence replies, much to Ellie's surprise because of his earlier comment. "He's smart. Knows what he's doing." He turns to her, noting the slight bags under her eyes. "You two really care about each other, don't you?"

Ellie shrugs. "Well, yeah. Honestly, Henry and Charles... are the first real friends I've ever had." She sits up and tips her head as she smirks. "Ever tried having a game night with a heist partner?"

Terrence hisses and winces at that as he leans against the truck. "Try having a party with FIFTY of them. Don't know what got stolen from my room, but I never got it back."

Ellie chuckles. "Some loyal toppats."

Terrence can't help but snicker back. "Indeed."

Ellie's smile drops as she remembers what Henry told her, and the earlier comment. "Did you... Did you know about Henry before he visited you?"

"Of course I did," Terrence replies, more than a little offended at the question. "He's my son. Why wouldn't I?"

Ellie turns to the road they'll have to start driving on and rests her chin on the steering wheel. "He's just... confused on why you picked the clan over your family."

Terrence chews on his lip at that, more specifically the word Ellie used.

"He said you told him life is for living."

"I did," Terrence agrees. "Guess we have different opinions on what 'living' is."

Ellie nods, though she's more agreeing with Henry's 'living' than his father's.

"And I didn't pick the clan. I chose it."

Ellie scrunches her nose. "Same thing."

"Picking is what you do in an icecream shop when you want cookies cough or mint chocolate chip. Choosing is when you decide whether or not you want to be somewhere because it makes you or everyone happy. Picking is what you do in a shelter when you look for a cat or a dog. Choosing is figuring out what cat or dog you want to take home and take care of. Picking is me jumping form person to person just so I can get what I want from them, valuable stuff of any kind, money, skill, you name it. Choosing is me staying with what I see as having more value that I could use at any given time. Make sense?"

Ellie nods after a second. "Was it worth it?"

Terrence points to her leg. "Was that worth meeting Henry, Mrs. 'Living with many lives?'"

Ellie narrows his eyes, and Terrence holds up his hands.

"Easy, girl. No. It wasn't worth it. And I know because I chose wrong. I literally remind myself every day that I chose wrong. Won't change a thing, though." He turns to The Wall, watching the guards. "If he messes this up, it's all over."

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!!!!!!

Henry and Reginald sprint towards the truck, Ellie and Terrence waving them over.

The sight of the cybernetic male halts Reginald in his steps.

"T-Terrence... Suave!?"

Terrence glares at Reginald and crosses his arms. "Hey, Reggie."

"Y-You... But, I-... You-eh..."

Henry taps them on their shoulders and points to the truck, signing, 'Save it for later! Let's go!'

Before Terrence or Ellie can ask why, the four hear motorcycles approach, Dmitri riding one as a passenger and aiming a gun at the truck they're commandeering.

Ellie starts the truck and gets it moving as Terrence skids into the shotgun seat as the truck picks up speed.

Soon, Henry and Reginald are both sprinting as fast as they can behind the truck with both doors open. Having had more training and in the time between FtC and this timeline of CtM, Henry can better keep up with the truck, but Reginald is falling behind fast. Henry grabs Reginald's hand and pushes the former leader into the back of the truck.

"Don't stop!" Henry shouts as he grabs a bit of leather or cord hanging off the truck's back door and pulls it down, closing it and surprising Reginald.

As the truck speeds away, Henry makes a turn and darts into the woods.

The motorcycles follow, however, though they're on a path and not through trees.

Henry is ducking, diving, and constantly zigzagging as he's being shot at while trying not to run into a tree. For a while, he does okay, good, even, only getting scraped by stray branches and grazed by bullets, one in particular hitting his cheek.

But we know all good things must come to and end.

Henry looks behind him when he doesn't hear motorcycles behind him, only to look in front of him and get a tree branch to the face, not enough to knock him out but he does see stars.

Dmitri gets off the motorcycle he's on and gestures for the others to stay where they are, circling Henry as he tries to stand up.

"I knew you were here the moment that guard found the office door locked. Clever of you." Dmitri kicks Henry in the ribs and sends him back into the ground. "But not clever enough."

Henry expects another kick when he gets on his hands and knees, but it doesn't come; a punch does when he manages to get on his feet, one right into his nose that sends him spiraling back to the ground.

Remember, Henry just ran for maybe ten or fifteen minutes and got hit in the face with a tree branch.

There would have to be a miracle for Henry to win this fight.

"How long has it been since you and the girl escaped? A year? Two years?"

"Not long enough," Henry groans to mostly himself.

Dmitri slams his boot onto the back of his head for that one, earning a wince from some of the guards.

"Sir," one asks, "shouldn't we hold him up in maximum security?"

Henry's brain kicks into hyperdrive, already showing him how he could possibly escape such a situation, but a hard stomp on his hand snaps him out of it, making him scream because with his mind living another life, his body went numb, like he didn't have those injuries or they healed. The stomp just make every injure ten times worse.

"You've all seen how slippery this one can be," Dmitri shouts, grinding the sle of his boot into Henry's hand. "He escaped before, he can do it again."

Henry tries pushing off Dmitri's boot as he suddenly realizes what's probably going to happen to him; normally he wouldn't be worried because we've seen him come back from getting shot, but with Bill Bullet around there's a chance they can make sure he dies and doesn't come back, with all the CCC lniws already about Terrence.

Dmitri notices this and drives a really hard kick into Henry's teeth, sending him backward before stomping on his face, ribs, and legs.

"You've ruined everything I've worked for since the day I saw you, Henry Stickmin!"

Dmitri kneels down and grabs the hair on either side of Henry's head, smashing him into the ground repeatedly as hard as he can.

Before you start thinking I'm being too unfair to Henry during this scene:

Henry swings possibly the best punch ever and knocks out some fake acrylic teeth Dmitri had to get put in. It catches tolhe warrant off guard, and gives Henry the opportunity to kick him away.

With some more punching, hair pulling, and head smashing, THE FIGHT BEGINS!!!

Even with a busted hand, Henry does okay, mostly relying on right hooks and kicks to fight. Dmitri, however, is able to use simple punches, jabs, and hooks to knock out Henry.

It's something like a stilted dance, as in there's a little bit of a pause before the next attack.

Bith men beat each other bloody, but it ultimately ends with Henry kneeing Dmitri in the side and kicking him back, AND DMITRI CHEATING BY HITTING HENRY WITH A ROCK. (NO FAIR, DMITRI! YELLOW CARD AND FIVE MINUTE PENALTY!!!)

When Henry's down this time, though, Dmitri wastes no time driving his knee into Henry's stomach and slapping his hands around Henry's neck. The action makes Henry gasp because of the sudden air loss, having the wind knocked out of him before getting his air cut off, and start thrashing around, gagging and making all those gross choking sounds that make your stomach flip.

"Look at you," Dmitri spits as Henry tries to break free, kicking the ground and scratching at Dmitri's wrists. "All you rats are the same, but it was you that did all this! You cost me everything! You made me lose everything!" Dmitri tightens his grip on Henry's throat, making Henry gasp loudly. "Allow me to return the favor!"

On the ground, Henry is very quickly blacking out and can feel it as he tries hitting Dmitri off of him.

His movements slow and his eyes roll back as his hand drops.

BANG!

Dmitri falls back as the guards take aim at where the shot came from.

More shots are fired, a some guards are taken down while the rest chase down the shooter, one ordered to take Dmitri back to The Wall.

Terrence climbs out of the trees and shakes his head at an unconscious Henry.

"Stupid, stupid idiot," he mumbles as he picks up Henry and slings him over his shoulders. "What were you thinking? What the hell were you thinking?"

Terrence walks through the trees as he carries Henry, silent all the way until he reaches the edge of the woods.

Bill Bullet stands waiting for him.

The two stare each other down, but Bill only stands with his hands in his pockets.

"You coming to take us back? We're a little busy right now."

"I can see that." Bullet sees Henry stir a little on Terrence's shoulders and fights the urge to smile; for someone who is so dangerous, he's so cute when he sleeps. "I guess genius over there has another plan?"

Terrence shakes his head. "It started off as my plan, but he had other ideas."

"Credit where credit's due."

After another silent stare down, Bill sighs and stands aside.

"He said he wanted his friend back safe before we brought him in. Better make this plan count."

Terrence nods as he seriously fights a smile and runs to where Ellie had left the truck, waiting for them both to get in so they can make like a banana and split.

#henry stickmin #completing the mission #toppat!charles #ellie rose #swearing tw #slight violence #HEAVILY implied Copperright

15 notes · View notes

polymathemawrites · 4 years ago

Text

Restart in Recovery Mode Chapter Two

Cw: graphic descriptions of panic attacks, ptsd, severe trauma, depictions of injuries, drugs

Gordon gets a weed card (this isn’t as funny as it sounds)

20 Hours after Xen

He can't stand it, too bright, too much sun, and too much dog. He likes dogs, and now that Sunkist isn't a jpg he even likes him a lot more, albeit if he stares too long sometimes he does seem a little... flat... off in the distance. After the third dog licks his hand and reminds him he has a right hand, he has to sit down. It isn't his fault it's intimately ingrained in him to offer sniff-hand as dominant hand.

Tommy drifts onto the bench next to him, not too close, not too far. If Gordon needed to he could reach out and graze his fingers against the tie dye t-shirt the young man is wearing. Wait how old is Tommy again?

God, he feels so fucking old, he's only 27, he's pretty sure Tommy is in his thirties, the birthday was JUST yesterday.

"Are you alright, Mr. Freeman?" Tommy asks.

"Just a little winded."

Tommy makes a soft humming sound, out here, out of Black Mesa, the strange static tint to everyone's words had faded, hearing Tommy in crystal clear clarity made the whole traumatic situation somehow seem like a bad dream. The glaring bruises that tugged at him whenever he moved were pretty much singing in neon lights, 'hey fucker you just went through hell.' He can hear the ghost of a pleasant female voice whispering 'morphine administered.'

"Tommy, I need you to check me into rehab if I start buying street drugs at any point." He says apropos of absolutely nothing.

"Of course, Mr. Freeman! Do you want me to help you get a medical marijuana card?"

Gordon pauses, remembers college - not sleeping for two days, hyper-focused on his books, ink stained hands and his roommate passing him the blunt, the bright incandescent feeling of anxiety melting away like the clearest blue - "Actually, yeah."

Tommy takes him to a chain clinic and fills out the paperwork for him while he walks around the strip mall with Sunkist, he's pretty sure that it would be illegal for Tommy to come out of there with a weed card for him without him ever setting foot in the establishment but also that he's killed an unknown percentage of the US military so what even is legality at this point.

Sunkist barks and takes off down the intersection between two strip malls and Gordon blanches, following at a half-trot, body angrily telling him, hey fucknugget what do you think you're doing moving like that?

Turning the corner he sees Sunkist has stopped, paws up on the edge of a concrete and pebble garden decoration. It's like one of those needless blocks of concrete they put outside malls and fill with non-native flowers. But this one has a tree planted in the middle, a fountain under the tree, and a large number of shrine-like objects Gordon does not have the cultural connotations to decipher the meaning of. Sunkist is watching the water pour down the fountain and stays propped up there for Gordon to finally catch the dog's leash.

When he notices the face watching him from around the tree he screams, breaking the nice quiet serenity of the hidden courtyard.

Benrey puts his hands to his ears, his helmet-less head covered by the grey hood of a jacket, inhuman eyes scrunch up in pain, "shh, why you do a big loud?"

Gordon doesn't say what's fire hot and klaxon noise blaring in his skull, he doesn't say 'you're dead, we killed you' he turns, with Sunkist's leash in the iron grip of his hand, and walk-runs away, panting, vision blurring, his chest hurts, fuck is he having a heart attack?

Some distant sweet song of logic informs him in a voice that sounds nauseatingly like the HEV suit's AI, panic attack imminent.

Yeah no shit, he's in it.

He doesn't get fully around the corner, he's heaving, looses grip of Sunkist's leash, he's spinning in circles it can't possibly be the whole world spinning instead. Blindly he moves his hands to brace for something, his vision collapsing in on itself like he's going through a portal, like he's back in Black Mesa.

There is a hand on his arm, one at the back of his neck under the hot-heat of his ponytail. The world is blue like a '98 vintage pop song.

When the edges of his vision clear, when he finds himself again, Sunkist is leaning against his legs and has him pressed up to a wall, the courtyard is empty - just the two of them.

Tommy's voice comes from far away like at the bottom of a well, Gordon registers slowly that no, it's him who is just fucked up not hurry lassie, Tommy’s fallen down a well. His hearing hasn't come back completely, still partially stuck in that hellish panic-tunnel. Sunkist keeps him from moving, from falling down, and then Tommy is there, nervously fidgeting in front of him, not touching, just anxiety incarnate. Or that was him, ha.

"Did you see him? Did you see that eldritch fucktruck?" Gordon slurs, looking, searching.

"Who?"

Gordon bites it down, he's too raw to admit he's probably hallucinating. Shakes his head, still trembling.

Tommy drops him off at home with overpriced pharmaceutical grade weed and the reminder that he's just a phone call away. Gordon has to assure him he's fine a total of 5 times. He's not fine, he's so far away from fine.

Listening to his son on the phone, his sister telling him about the craft fair she'd be working tomorrow, he lays on the floor of his living room and smokes like he did in college, till the world goes soft. His sister reminds him to eat enough protein before she hangs up. He hasn't eaten all day, but it's too late to get up now, the fucking world is melting.

When a hand touches his hair, the side of his face, he opens his eyes to see Benrey crouched over him, body tucked up above his head, looking down at Gordon not with a shit-eating grin or nothing at all but instead a look of anxiety and something Gordon is too fucking high to quantify right now. He laughs, a warm sound that rumbles through his chest, this doesn't seem to make Benrey feel any better, Gordon doesn't understand why, he thinks shit is hilarious.

"Yo, are you real bro?" Gordon asks.

"i coulda done this for free, i do it all the time, for you, be a cool, and what, you dont need me? gordon too good for black mesa sweet voice?"

"You said my name again." Is what Gordon chooses to take out of that exchange.

He's pretty sure when he wakes up later he's stress-hallucinating some kind of horror-terror. There isn't therapy for this, is there?

#hlvrai

16 notes · View notes

semiconducting · 4 years ago

Text

just reflecting on some personal growth stuff from last year !

im actually. genuinely okay. like i think im starting this year feeling okay! which is atypical.

i think i can attribute it to the enormous amount of work id put into myself over the past year...i remember one year ago being extraordinarily depressed and really just. high strung? incredibly anxious but exhausted. and i fell down a descent slowly from not eating, to getting really irritable and not handling conflicts with friends well, to actively self harming again, to the point where i remembered sitting in a coffee shop with one of my friends and saying out loud that i need to go to therapy. and that i was going to talk to a mutual friend of ours about how the therapy services on campus are. which was a huge step for me! ive always had trust issues with therapy services since i was 12 for reasons i wont go into, but im sure you can gather the point of.

and then, literally the next day after saying that, got news about campus shutting down because of the virus.

and i made all of the effort possible to reach out to my friends and get things figured out to weather the storm because i KNEW shit was going to get bad if i didnt. but only one of my friends was really keeping up, and thats because he and i do homework together so we were already in a rhythm of talking every single week no matter what. and thats not to say that im ungrateful for him or the fact that even still he was there for me while i was going through hell, i have this thing about Not Putting All My Problems On And Confiding In One Person And One Person Only. so i withdrew, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped logging into my classes, i didnt do any homework, i didnt lead my workshops, didnt hold office hours...i was just wallowing in my own misery

and i made plans to kill myself. and thats like, i mean i could say that several dozen times over the course of a year since i was like 12, but i mean a legitimate walkthrough plan. had my hiking bag packed with everything i was going to use, decided where i was going to, and was going to prep myself for it. wrote drafts and drafts of suicide notes until i decided just leaving the contact info of people who needed to know asap was all i was going to leave. in addition to sticky notes on some stuff in my room for what needed to be returned to who, or if something should go to someone in particular...

and i acted as normally as i could around my housemates. attributed my not leaving my room much to being busy with classes. i have a rule to myself to always sleep at least one night before killing myself because if im really serious about going through with it it can always wait one day. this time i decided i was going to clean my room and leave it as pristine as possible. the last thing i had to do was a load of laundry, and then i was going to do it.

and then someone from campus showed up at my door. because one of my professors filed a report and i hadnt responded to any of the emails id received checking in on me.

so i readjusted. caught up on my schoolwork, just barely finished the semester and definitely didnt do it strong or well (god bless the pass/fail option bc of covid LOL), but i did it nonetheless. went home, started my internship, had a miserably mundane summer.

i grew bitter and apathetic. i was angry at my friends for not being responsive when i reached out to them to talk or hang out or do anything. i got tired of dealing with it. i was tired of feeling alone and like no one gave a shit about me except for when it was convenient for them. i decided that i wasnt going to deal with people who werent willing to put any effort into me, so i stopped talking to everyone and kept up with people who were willing to reach out after the fact.

it’s definitely not the best approach. it’s really unforgiving and it doesn’t give people a lot of benefit of the doubt, but i think it was necessary in some respect. i didn’t have any criteria for how people needed to reach out, or how long after, or whatever, just that they did. really needed people in my life who are willing to communicate with me. i was honest with how i was feeling and why i did things if they did, apologized for the shitty approach, thanked them for still being willing to talk to me, and worked out the best way for both of us to keep things going.

over the months i dont think i really regret the decision, because it’s been a weight off my shoulders. i feel a lot better. i’m far more okay with where i stand in all of my friends’ lives, even if that’s not as a priority and even if that’s as just someone to talk to and catch up with like a couple times a year. it took a bit for it to pay off but it’s nice to take a look at people i was putting far too much work into and upon reflection realizing that they only interacted with me when they needed something from me, and not for me as a person. i think there are still people where there are loose ends and i think i may try reaching out myself to tie those up at some point, whenever i have the energy and clarity of mind for it. but i guess at the end of the day i just decided that people who weren’t willing to communicate weren’t worth the time. i’m okay if that communication means i need to be the one to initiate conversations even! i just need to know that.

but yeah. i came back to ny and started the semester totally apathetic and angry. i was so fucking depressed and bored with everything even if i was keeping myself incredibly busy. the only thing that i found rewarding (and what was just barely keeping me going) was leading my workshop for the intro optics class.

and then a friend -- the same friend i was at the coffee shop with -- reached out to catch up. and i was honestly really bitter and angry with him and was prepping myself to start listing out issues that i hadnt been able to address with him beforehand (side note, while telling friends the issues you have with them is important, listing shit out all at once is hardly ever a good approach especially without warning LOL) but ended up...just having a calming and comfortable conversation about what was going on in our lives since we last saw each other.

n later that day i ended up reaching out to an old friend that i had been meaning to catch up with because we fell out of contact, but had just barely been trying to start talking again in the months before this but had kept missing opportunities to properly converse. but we talked again, and we set up a day to hike and catch up.

and he comes to my house and picks me up. and i get in his car. and its like, holy shit, its been almost a year since ive seen you. and we hugged. and just started to catch each other up on the mess that had been our lives since we’d actively been in contact. we hiked, he told me about the books he wanted to write, we talked about people we knew, we talked about politics, we talked about school, we talked about life, and it was just as comfortable as if not a day had passed...even though it was obvious that he and i were both changed people over the past year. nothing about our friendship was any different though.

we resolved to hanging out with each other every week. decided we both needed the interaction, appreciated having each other around, and had a nice overlap of free time in the week that worked well. friday nights unless otherwise specified.

it was totally unexpected. he’d always been a great friend to me, but i never expected us to get as close as we did. neither did he. he’s probably the first person in my life (or at least in a very long time, and certainly the only person at the time) that i’d been so comfortable with that i practically had no boundaries around. none that needed to be addressed, anyway, because the only possible ones to throw up wouldn’t even come up (but of course, i constantly reassured that as soon as anything came up i would let him know because early on he kept asking sjhdkjfh).

he became something for me to look forward to in the week. towards the beginning he was a shoulder to lean on when i needed it and was willing to listen to things i hadn’t been able to tell anyone out loud. and he confided in me as well. it was comfortable. it was safe. it was a level of trust with vulnerability that i’d never shown anyone else.

but it wasnt even just that! it was fun! hes so fun. we could talk about everything and nothing, and hes one of the only people where i feel like i have to keep up with him in conversation instead of the other way around. we’d jump from topic to topic so much faster than either of us could think and it was all always so interesting. littered with humour that was just dumb and simple. i felt comfortable just being an idiot with him. i felt like i had nothing to prove.

for the past few years ive held to the sentiment that i like to hang around with people that make me a better person. but somehow, with him, its not that i felt like he made me a better person, but that he made me more myself. he saw who i was without any kind of fronts. and i always was afraid to show anyone that me because i always assumed that they would be depressing, loathsome, bitter, angry, and vicious.

but....i’m not. i learned that i’m incredibly loving. that i’d do fuckin anything to for my friends, but always in a way that was healthy and rewarding for both of us. i’m very light-hearted and my sense of humour is so stupid, but also very analytical and thoughtful. just a bit judgmental and pretentious, but always for things that people dont expect. totally open minded in discussions. an avid explorer, and a bit of a thrillseeker. and so, so, so affectionate.

i realized im. not as horrible as ive always made myself out to be. i accepted that i didnt need to punish myself for things beyond my control. i realized that i could believe people when they tell me that they enjoy my company, or appreciate things i do for them, or that they think i’m a worthwhile person to keep around.

its not that i dont have my flaws, its not that there arent things that i have to work on still. but maybe, at my core, i’m not actually motivated by spite, i’m not actually a hopeless pessimist, and that i’m not...broken. i’m not some secretly irredeemable monster.

and for a period of time i’ve been in a place where i could say i was genuinely...happy! and i don’t think i’ve ever been able to say that. i’ve certainly been made happy by doing things with friends in the past, i’ve been through periods where i’ve been okay with where i am at in life, but ever since i was like 12 (but probably even before that) i’d never been able to say that i was happy. it’s not that i wasn’t stressed, it’s not that things in my life were all going perfectly....but they didn’t define my mood. they didn’t define my view of myself. school, despite being the primary focus of my life, wasn’t dictating how i was feeling. even when things were agonizing and depressing because of school, i was still okay. i was incredibly stable.

and i owe that all to him being there for me. and hardly any of these things were anything that he was really directly responsible for, like its not that he sat there and just constantly showered me in reassurance and praise or anything that changed how i view myself...it was just having his company. it was just being able to sit there and listen to him go on about some totally random thing that he was exceptionally knowledgeable about. it was exploring caves and climbing hills. it was cooking together. it was talking about science. it was talking about love. it was talking about music. it was just having a consistent presence in my life, someone that treated me like a priority but never at the expense of himself, and someone i didn’t have to walk on any kind of eggshells around. it was someone who trusted me and respected me not by anything id done to warrant it, but just because of who i was.

it was a reminder that i can take care of my own problems, that i just need to be a good presence in someone’s life and for them to be a good presence in mine.

but also that i can accept help from people who genuinely want to offer it! and that that help doesnt always have to be direct. that sometimes helping me means i get to do something nice for someone else LOL

it was everything i ever needed and i wasnt even looking for it. he meant the world to me and i was so, so thankful for the circumstances that led us here because i was so happy to have him in my life again. i was happy that we were able to get closer because we’d only been able to interact in professional environments before.

and then i realized i was in love. and i had a sexuality crisis. but i didn’t recognize it until i fell hard because it was a different kind of love than i’ve felt for anyone before. it was intense but entirely too comfortable. but i knew that i cared about him, and that he cared about me, and that i really didn’t need anything about our friendship to change but that it had potential to be something even greater than it was.

and i resolved to tell him about it...until he told me first. and that moment was, as cheesey as it sounds, nothing less than magical. we were both so happy and giggly and it was so sweet and warm and i dont know if im ever going to be able to recreate that feeling because it was just so particular, so specific to being something between me and him. its not that i cant love anyone else as strongly or be as happy as i was necessarily, but it’ll never be that same kind of feeling.

but things happened. things got complicated. i think he panicked. and then things that happened just felt so dirty and hollow and dark. he hurt me really, really, really badly, and it managed to happen in the span of four days.

and i’ve spent the last <2 weeks dealing with it. i think he’s dealing with it in his own ways, but realistically i don’t know how because i havent seen him since christmas eve, and we were both definitely not being completely genuine that day. was at his house for a small family party and he and i were the only ones who knew what happened. it was too soon to have healed from it any, but we couldnt exactly be honest about it then either.

and im doing better. im genuinely okay now. and, interestingly, i think i owe it to the past few months of hanging out with him and how ive been able to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. ive been able to show myself compassion. its really ironic.

its a situation where i was desperately trying to throw blame onto myself for, because if i could then i could punish myself for it and use it to fuel that deep rooted self hatred and then i could fix it, because i’d be the one responsible for fixing it. but, and i’ve talked to quite a few friends about it trying to figure out who to confide in about it, everyone who knows about it insists that i cant blame myself for it. theres not a thing about the situation that i can blame myself for. and its so fucking weird, because i cant bring myself to fully blame him for it either, just because it was so ABSURDLY out of character that it doesnt feel like it was anything he could have done to me. it was a boundary that i wasnt ever supposed to worry about him crossing, because he’s just not that kind of person.

and it’s the type of situation that you’re supposed to totally be willing to cut someone off for but...i can’t. he’s genuinely remorseful and i think he doesn’t really know how to deal with it either. and despite it being a massive fuck up its still like...the first fuck up in our friendship from either of us. and i’m willing to see this through. i think it’s salvageable, even if it’ll never be the same as it was. i have faith in our friendship. i think we can make it work.

but no matter what happens. i owe him more than i’ll ever be able to repay him for. and i’ll never, ever be able to hate him because of that. i’m in a much, much better place because of him and for that i’ll always be thankful.

#shut up mega #this ended up being longer and more in depth abt the earlier half of the year than i meant it LOL #a summary of my 2020 i spose #also there's some kinda detailed talk of #suicide ment -#self harm ment -#IM CRYING AFTER WRITING THIS OUT LMAOOOO

2 notes · View notes

fangirlinginleatherboots · 5 years ago

Note

how did you go about your diagnosis for POTS?

OOF now there’s a question. im gonna write a long rambley response because im trying to keep myself at the front until i finish my coffee so i can knit instead of adam taking off with my laptop for 2 hours :/

where do i even start/what do i even remember of the process

i guess i should say that for years, my followers have been writing to me telling me it sounds like i have POTS. yall called it years before my doctors, for sure. but all the times i looked it up when ppl suggested it, i’d go into denial about the severity of my case, so i never really took those suggestions too far.

i was in physical therapy for some years and finally, one of my PTs said “it worries me too much that your heartrate changes so rapidly. i will not treat you unless you go to a cardiologist.” so we went to a cardiologist who insisted i was fine and that the heart rate changes had to do with my medication. i do remember asking him if it was POTS because he did say that my heartrate was fluctuating with my positioning, but i remember him waving that off and giving me a different word for it which was basically the same thing. no diagnosis.

months later i had my semiannual psychiatrist appointment, so we brought up what the cardiologist said about my medication. my psych is... different. he bounces topics a lot and has tons of theories going at once and can be hard to follow. he suddenly jumped topics. he asks me a bunch of questions that seem unrelated. do i sweat a lot? do i wake up randomly, unrelated to my nightmares? stick out my arm, does it bend funny? do i get sick or have intense pain every time i eat? and i answer yes of course, isn’t that normal? no. and he starts laughing. he says he’s so angry with himself that he didn’t see it.

he starts dumping resources on me and my mom. gives us names to contact, websites to read, books to look at, videos to watch. i dont remember a lot. i think the next year was spent on a waitlist. i think i was on several waitlists actually. i was given health protocols and changed my diet and started an intense work out program. i failed out of the work out program. i was given a tilt table test and passed out. i was told i had POTS, but to see a specialist anyway

finally a specialist could see me. it was one morning of tests. a different kind of tilt table, a sweat test, and a few others, i dont remember. when the doctor finally looked at the results, she said that she “guesses” i have POTS. like i have the symptoms but i can stand up sometimes, so its not really that bad. that if i want to get better, i need to spend the next year not working, doing 24/7 training and it “dip into my savings.” i remember crying a lot and my parents being horrified at how out of touch the doctor was to think that was possible for the average person. but whatever. dx finalized.

anyway, go to a cardiologist. insist on a tilt table test. and yeah, all decent POTS specialists will say fuck meds, just work out a lot. the beta blockers fucking work. i dont care if its a short term solution, i cant work out every day, at least with the beta blockers i can live with a normal heart rate.

#bootsie's advice column #sorry this got long i really just needed something to do to stay grounded #though i can barely read through the static so idk if it did much good #Anonymous

14 notes · View notes

wintersxsoul · 6 years ago

Text

The Night We Danced

Summary: Two dorks in love that have to wait to get drunk to confess their feelings.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Maybe some language, drunk people and I think mentions of sex??

A/N: This is my entry for my dearest @writingsoftheloser 1k historical writing challenge! I got the Victorian Era, so I came up with this longass nonsense. I hope you enjoy and as always, feedback and reblogs are free and make me really happy and motivated <3

Bucky Barnes was a dancer.

He sometimes had flashes of his old life in the late 30’s and 40’s, long summer nights dancing with beautiful dames, little Stevie by his side laughing and stepping in the ladies’ shoes. Everything was much more simpler, happier, but war happened and the dances turned into battles, the warm hands that he was used to hold became rifles and glocks. The jazzy tunes turned into gunfire, dates turned into risky missions and the thought of a long happy life turned into dust when he fell off that train.

Bucky Barnes stopped being a dancer to be a soldier, a spy, a deadly assassin.

They had taken all he was away, all his memories, his hopes and dreams. Everything was wiped but not his motor skills or knowledge. They turned him into the most efficient soldier, cold and calculating, his only motive in life was completing his missions. He had killed mercilessly, not questioning even once who was in front of the gun, he just knew he had to pull the trigger.

Everything changed the moment Steve Rogers, his best friend since childhood, found him 70 years after being used and tortured. Steve saved him from the claws of Hydra and gave him the opportunity to gain back his own self, to finally give his life meaning again.

His life changed drastically when he joined the Avengers, he could use his unrequired skills to help people, to save lives. He had his closest friends, Steve of course, Sam, Nat and then he met you. Once he was able to recover almost all his memories, he had a long heartfelt conversation with Natasha since she had suffered in similar ways. The brainwashing, the body killing training, the horrors of the Cold War and the cruelty of the Red Room.

You and Nat were inseparable, both becoming SHIELD agents the same year. You were a freelance hitwoman, both of your missions were to kill the same target. But before you could kill each other, SHIELD stepped in and rescued both of you, seeing your potential and the ability to do the missions other agents weren’t able to. When Bucky first came to the compound, you were away because your last mission went badly and it almost killed you, so Fury and Steve decided it was better for you to lay low for a while. Months went by and Bucky’s curiosity only grew, he really wanted to meet you, since everyone talked about you like you were an angel. When the time came to finally meet you, everything he ever heard about you was not nearly accurate to him. You were as much of a mystery as Nat, but unlike her, you opened up to him fastly, trusting him blindly. You both held each other on your worst nights and were also there for the other when you needed a good laugh.

You could have never imagined that the infamous Winter Soldier could be such an absolute dork with such a pure heart and soul. At first he was a bit sulky and moody, he was like a ghost around the compound, but months of therapy and help from his friends turned him into the man he was today, the man you loved deeply, even though you lied to yourself trying to make it seem like a platonic feeling. For years you remained as best friends, until the masquerade ball Tony organized for Natasha’s birthday.

“So, what are your plans for the party?” You asked Bucky nonchalantly while you looked for costume designers online. He looked up from his book and shrugged, he really didn’t know what you meant but he knew you would elaborate. You closed your laptop and placed it on your nightstand, all your attention on your friend now. You laid across the bed, resting your head on his lap. You were staring at the ceiling so you totally missed Bucky’s adoring gaze.

“Well, apart from getting hammered with Thor’s Asgardian alcohol, I don’t really know.” You rolled your eyes internally at his comment. You laid on your stomach so you could face him, your chin resting on your hands on top of his chest.

“Obviously you are doing that, but it’s not what I meant.” Bucky chuckled and you rolled your eyes. You weren’t sure about asking him to be your partner, maybe he was planning on going with someone else, maybe he wanted to go on his own. You cleared your throat while reaching out to fiddle with the laces of his hoodie nervously.

“Are you going with someone?” He frowned, realizing that you didn’t assume (like he did) that you were going together. Maybe you were planning to go with a date? He knew it had been more than a year since you had dated someone so maybe you wanted to use the party as an excuse to do so?

“What you mean with someone? I d-”

“You should ask Sarah from Forensics, I’ve heard she has a huge crush on you. She’s sooo soft and pretty. I have her number if you wa-”

“Okay, Y/n stop right there. I am not going with Sarah or with anyone else but you.” His eyes widened at his own boldness but he quickly found a logical explanation.

“I mean, we always go together to this kind of shitty parties we both dread. But if you are going with someone else is fine.”

“Yeah, yeah I just thought that maybe you wanted to go with an actual date and not your best friend.” He tousled your hair and you whined jokingly. He mumbled “dork” and you stuck your tongue out.

“My best friend is pretty cool and when she gets drunk the party starts, so I am not missing that for Sarah from Forensics.”

“Oh god James, and I am the dork? You absolute dumbass.” You shook your head in amusement and sat on the bed, putting your disheveled hair in a low ponytail. You slapped him lightly on the right shoulder and got down of the bed, gathering your stuff.

“I can’t stand to see that beautiful stupid face right now, I have to look for a fucking dress. You better wear something in dark red cause, you know it-”

“it’s my color” he mocked you using a high pitched tone of voice and laughed at the face of disgust you jokingly pulled off.

“Fuck you.”

“Why don’t you f-” His sentence was cut off by the bang of his door closing but you already knew what he said. You rolled your eyes and made your way to Nat’s room since you needed to organize shopping days and all that stuff.

Bucky Barnes was a dancer and fortunately he still had some moves, but waltzing was out of his league. He knew what a masquerade was of course, so the fact that he had to learn how to dance a completely different style was...frightening to say the least. He talked about it with Steve so they both were headed now to a masterclass while their dates were out shopping. Nat had asked Steve as her date because she wanted to go with his best friend. Their friendship was the most platonic you’ve ever seen and watching them flirt and banter was the highlight of your days. Nat was a fantastic dancer of course, she used to be a fucking ballerina, so she offered to teach you some moves. She was the only one who actually knew your feelings towards Bucky because you had confessed them one night you had drank your weight in vodka and when you saw Bucky’s text asking you to please be careful, you laughed and told her. You didn’t remember that conversation and when Natasha tried to ask you, she realized she shouldn’t bring up the topic until you were ready to believe it yourself.

“Ooof Nat, should I really buy this expensive dress?” You asked her while checking yourself out in the mirror. The dress was absolutely stunning, made of a dark red taffeta or a similar material, short sleeved and a beautiful v-neck, not very revealing but enough to make your babies pop. The bodice hugged your curves and the skirt was puffy.

“Listen, Stark is paying for everything, that includes our dresses. So yes, you are going to buy it.” She stood up and lead you back to the changing room so she could purchase both of your dresses.

Steve sighed heavily at Bucky’s complaints. They’d been dancing for four hours straight and they weren’t getting any better, or at least that’s what they thought. Bucky really couldn’t believe he had been dragged into this mess just because he loved getting drunk with you under any circumstances.

“Come on Buck, don’t worry. You two will probably be too drunk to even stand, why bother so much in learning this shit?” Bucky rolled his eyes and nudged his friend on the shoulder.

“Listen pal, I wanna do this right. You know how much I love dancing so this is just an excuse to learn something new.” He could almost believe his own lie, but Steve knew better. He knew Bucky better than himself, so he obviously knew the unspoken thing that was going on between two of his best friends.

“Okay buddy, whatever you say. I just hope Y/n appreciates all this instead of laughing at you like Sam and Nat are probably going to do.” He muttered something to himself and left the room without saying a word.

“Fucking idiots, I hope they fuck soon.” Steve said to himself before turning around and smiling at the dance teacher.

“Let’s do this Janet, I have a very dangerous woman to impress tonight.”

“I really, really, really, really regret the day I gave you access to come into my room whenever you want to.” You told Bucky, who was laying on your bed on his stomach, his face buried in the pillows. You slumped next to him and buried your face in the pillows as well. You really thought you looked like idiots but you couldn’t care less.

“Can we stay here? We can watch one of those victorian romantic movies you love and get wasted on our own.”

“You know I would love to, but Nat would kill us. Besides, you hate those movies.”

“I was just trying to persuade you Barnes, you don’t need to be so rude.” You stood up and opened your first drawer, pulling out the two masks you had bought throwing Bucky’s to his head and he responded with a fake “ouch”. He sat on the bed and looked at you amused, the small mask in his hands.

“And you have the nerve to call me rude. I already have my mask and I won’t show it to you until tonight.”

“Wow, sorry for thinking about you and your shitty memory, old man.”

“You know what Y/n? I’ll see you tonight before I throw myself out of that balcony.” You giggled at his fake tantrum. You really loved your friendship with Bucky, because even though you were always joking around each other, you had your backs. He was always there and so were you.

“You want me to walk you to your room?” He frowned at you but his eyes widened when he realized what you were about to say, but you said it before he could cut you off. “In case you don’t remember where your room is at.”

“That was one time Y/n, please let it go.”

“Never.” And with that said, he left. You giggled remembering the first night you two got drunk together. It was the first time Bucky had tried Thor’s alcohol so he was excited to finally get drunk after all those decades. He drank by himself almost three flasks and encouraged you to drink a bottle of vodka on your own, so at 6 am, you were stumbling through your room floor because Bucky had forgotten where his own room was, so he wanted to sleep at yours.

You took a last look at yourself in your mirror and placed the mask in its place. It was a shame that Bucky had decided not to wear the mask you’d bought for him, but his taste was pretty great so you knew it was going to be amazing.

When you reached the party the place was already full of people. Everyone was dancing to the slow melodies or drinking at the bar. You noticed that Tony had removed all the furniture from the room so it looked like a grand dance hall, the usual modern lamps he owned were replaced by huge golden crystal chandeliers, the windows were covered by thick curtains that looked like the ones European palaces had. The cream and golden tones of all the decoration gave a really regal look to the party, the soft glow of the candles in the bar and the sound of champagne glasses relaxed your senses.

You fixed your long silk gloves and sighed, moving through the crowd towards the bar, where Nat stood chatting with who you assumed it was Steve, Sam was behind the counter pouring alcohol to his half empty glass.

“You mind filling this lady’s glass?” Sam smirked and you winked at him. He raised his eyebrow under his cream and red mask and he took out a tall glass.

“What would the lady like to drink?” He rested both of his palms in the counter, looking at you with an amused look in his eyes.

“Vodka on the rocks, s'il vous plait.” You heard Nat choke on her drink and Steve turned to look at you while Sam just poured your drink, a smile playing on his lips.

“Aren’t we starting a bit early, Y/n? Your date is not even here.” You shrugged at Sam’s comment and took the glass when he handed it.

“Since you all seemed so surprised with my drinking choices, I’m going. I need an unjudging friend right now.” You waved your hand gracefully and moved towards the centre, trying to find Bucky. After five minutes and an empty glass, you saw his bulking figure talking to some woman. You needed a moment to gather your thoughts because he looked absolutely sinful with the outfit he was wearing. The black pants marked all his muscles, specially his thighs, those fucking thighs that drove you insane and his ass...you shook your head trying to stop your mind. You needed another drink.

“Wow look who’s back and empty handed!” Steve said to the small group. You nudged him in the ribs and asked Sam for another glass of alcohol.

“Why are you this flustered Y/n?” Nat asked you when she noticed your flushed cheeks. You fixed your mask trying to hide your nervousness and failing miserably.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your three friends shared a knowing look and you rolled your eyes, finishing your drink in two sips and encouraged by the burning liquid, you went to where Bucky was. You could now see his whole outfit perfectly and your heart swelled. He was wearing a black ruffled shirt with a black and dark red embroidered vest and a black tail coat. His face was covered by a simple half Venetian mask, decorated with the same colors as the outfit’s. He was chatting with some agent you couldn’t recognize and you felt a pang of jealousy at how he was looking at her, smiling and touching her. At that moment you realized the alcohol was kicking in and that’s why you were having those stupid thoughts. You approached your friend and placed your gloved hand to his shoulder, indicating him that you were besides him and waiting for him to pay attention to you. You catched a part of the conversation and they were talking about one of the last missions the undercover agents did, so after a court nod from Bucky and a brief goodbye from her, his eyes were on you.

“Well, look at you!” He smiled at you warmly and you felt something flip inside you. “How did you recognize me?”

“Oh boy, you can mask that face all you want but you can’t mask those thighs.” You smirked and he started laughing at your comment, making you feel proud of your wittiness.

“How drunk are you already?” You brought your hand up between your bodies and pressed your thumb and index together whispering “a little” so only he could hear it.

“Lucky for you, I drank almost a flask, so that makes us dangerous already. Wanna dance?” He extended his hand and you took it accepting his invitation. You suddenly felt really nervous since it was the first time you were going to slow dance with him but unbeknown to you, Bucky Barnes felt sick due to his nerves. He wanted this to work, he wanted to show you and the world that he was still capable of being a soft person, not this cold calculative soldier with a dark past.

The feeling of his hand on your waist and your other hands intertwined was intoxicating you, your bodies pressed together, the only thing between you two were your clothes. You spinned around the room for what felt like eternity, time for you had stopped and everyone had disappeared.

You burst the small bubble you were both in saying you needed a drink, Bucky stopped swaying you and with your hands still intertwined, went to the empty bar.

“I’ve always loved the Victorian Era, you know?” He said while giving you a glass full of vodka, and took a sip of his flask. “The clothes, the courting, the chivalry and all that fuss.” He smiled sadly at you thinking that you wouldn’t notice.

“If you could, would you go back in time and stay?”

He took another sip, now longer, and shook his head. “Of course not, you wouldn’t be there.” He blurted out without thinking and you just giggled at the comment.

“Oh Barnes, don’t be so dramatic. I’m sure you would make good friends there as well.” You gave him a sincere smile and he shook his head again, taking another sip of the flask, this time a long one. You looked down at your glass and twirled the straw, looking at how the ice cubes collided with each other.

“I love you.” You jerked your head up and maybe it was the alcohol clouding your mind or the denial of your own feelings, but you didn’t notice his intense gaze, filled with love and adoration.

“And I love you too, you idiot. As my best friend, you should know that already.” You placed your lips around the straw and finished the whole drink, Bucky still looking at you shocked that you rejected his feelings without you noticing.

“No, Y/n, what I mean is that I’m-”

“You are what, Barnes?” Nat cut Bucky off and you threw yourself into her arms, kissing her face and wishing her a happy birthday. “I missed you, Nat. Where were you?” You started talking to her totally ignoring your friend, who got that as his cue to leave the party. He would never blame you for not feeling the same or not even noticing his feelings, that was totally on him, but he didn’t feel well enough to stay in the party. He knew you wanted him there, to get drunk together and then both of you ending up throwing up in the sink and the toilet, but tonight he needed to breathe, he needed to get out of the crowd.

“Hey, where is going Bucky?” Asked Steve while he approached Nat and you. You frowned and looked at the entrance, catching a glimpse of Bucky’s broad shoulders and hair leaving the party. “I’ll be back in a sec.” You said and stumbled down the bar stool, heading towards the entrance half running.

“We both know they are not coming back, right?” Steve said to Nat, a strong nod and a sigh answered his comment.

You ran as fast as your drunken state let you but before you could notice you slipped with the dress and fell.

“FUCK” You screamed to the empty hall and took off your heels and gloves, standing up trying not to fall again on your ass. Bucky was nowhere to be seen so you headed to his room, your head spinning due to the alcohol.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky startled you, making you lose balance but he caught you before you could fall again.

“I was just checking that you got to your room safely, since you know, you get lost and all that.” You laughed at his fake hurt expression and straightened your clothes. You noticed that he had taken off his mask and that you were still wearing yours. “Why did you leave?”

“I’m feeling a bit sick, I think I drank too mu-”

“James, if you don’t tell me what the fuck is wrong I’ll torture you until you do. The drinking excuse is the worst you could’ve used with me.”

Bucky sighed defeated, he knew he had to get it off his chest, after three years carrying this on his own, he needed to let the words out, he needed you to know. He reached for the laces of your mask and took it off, placing a strand of hair behind your ear and cupping your cheek.

“I love you, Y/n.” You rolled your eyes in fake annoyance just to mess up with him.

“Baby, we already established that I lov-”

“Y/n, you are not listening. I am in love with you. I want to be your best friend, your lover, your partner in crime and your drunk buddy.”

You stared at him wide eyed, not knowing what to answer or to do. He caressed your cheek with his thumb and you gasped at the feeling, making Bucky think that you were rejecting the act. You stopped him from moving his hand and he leaned in, his lips brushing yours lightly.

“Either you kiss me or I faint, so make a m-” And just like that, his lips crashed against yours with a passion and hunger you’ve never felt in your entire life. He pressed you against the door, the stupid huge dress stopping you from feeling anything. Your brain finally woke up and you realized what was going on. Bucky Barnes loved you, he was in love with you. And you were in love with him. You pulled away and stopped him, making him step backwards scared that he did something you didn’t want to.

“You love me?” You really asked him, thinking that maybe your brain was betraying you. He nodded and looked away, not wanting to see the rejection in your eyes.

“Hey coward, look at me.” You held his chin and forced him to look at you. “I love you too, always have. I was just too damn scared to admit it to even myself.” He smiled and kissed you again, this time slower, pouring every ounce of love he had for you in the kiss.

“What now?” He asked you once he pulled away to breathe. He had his hand on the back of your neck, caressing your skin with his thumb.

“As much as I’d love you to fuck me against every surface on that room, I am drunk and tired and I need to process everything.” He nodded and waited for you to come up with what you wanted to do next. “So you are going to take this dress off me carefully cause I can’t do it on my own and it’s expensive as fuck, you are going to give me one for your shirts and we are sleeping, together.” He nodded again and smiled, leaning in again to give your lips a small peck.

“Consider it done, asshole.”

#vi1khistoricalchallenge #Bucky Barnes #james barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #the winter soldier #mutual pining #friends to lovers #best friends to lovers #avengers #the avengers #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n

561 notes · View notes