#.. 𝒉ell in heaven ✦ 해찬 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mins-fins · 1 month

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❀ ONE. angels and demons come and go … ❞

❝ and if you are to love, love as the moon loves; it does not steal the night— it only unveils the beauty of the dark. ❞ . . . isra al-thibeh

𝒘arnings ─ blood, medication, corpse details, death, drinking, violence, and panic attacks. 𝒘ord count ─ 5.4k

YOUR REASON FOR HAVING A REVOLVER IN your kitchen drawer nestled together with your knives is none of anyone's business. it just so happens to be that you're a fortune teller, a psychic who can just tell when you need to whip out a gun to threaten some asshole with.

most of your threats are feigned, you rarely ever load the thing, too many children live in the walls of your building. loud screams and cries in pairing with scoldings from adults weren't exactly your idea of a good time. your courage doesn't extend to shooting people, if anything, the gun is for show.

the clicks are endless, yes, but nothing really happens, nothing substantial anyway.

"you ever shoot a guy with that thing?"

lee donghyuck always smelled of cigarettes, you theorize he probably still does. dating such a guy renders you structured to such a smell, you guess he's hardened you to certain aspects of life.

he tapped his cigarette onto the nearby ashtray, eyes holding a look of morbid curiosity. a hum vibrated from your lips, your knuckles digging into your cheek as you clicked the trigger over and over. "no.. i'm not brave enough to do that".

donghyuck replied with a snort, blowing smoke out of his lips. "you don't need to be brave to point and shoot".

"i'm not exactly sure i could watch myself do such a thing".

you watched your reflection in the rings littering his fingers, his teeth bit into his own lips. "you never know, most people don't keep a gun for show and have it stay that way".

"are you saying i could kill someone?"

donghyuck hummed, eyes narrowed. "greatly injure is what i would say".

and maybe lee donghyuck is more of a fortune teller than you could've predicted.

there is a man groaning on your floor. the ticking of the clock playing a sick song in the background as you watch him clutch at his stomach. your pointer finger stays pressed against the trigger, the metal revolver shaking in your hold. blood begins pooling on your floor as you take in the sight before you.

shit shit shit shit shit—

you just shot him. you just shot a man. you just shot a man with a gun you'd previously known to be unloaded. a small breath falls from your lips, the beginnings of a sentence dying down in your throat.

your breathing remains labored, the man who, a few minutes prior was the aggressor, now lying on your floor, staining it with his own blood. you put a fucking hole in the middle of his stomach.

you guess you have to go back on your word, the gun was for show. you just shot a man in your home, what the fuck.

the continuous ticking of the clock is going to slowly drive you to madness, you might rip stands of your hair out of your head with no issue. it's only 7:12 pm. 7:12 pm. how did all of this manage to transpire in simply ten minutes?

you close your eyes, excessive blinking would not aid in your current panic.

it's not illegal right now. as terrible as it sounds, it's true. the purge has begun. you can leave this man bleeding out on your apartment floor and you won't face consequences for it. you could go slit your bosses throat right at this minute and nothing would happen.

well maybe you shouldn't get ahead of yourself.

you just barely hold back a wince as you catch sight of the wound, stepping over the man dying on your floor as your hands still tremble, barrel still pointed in his direction. "i'm sorry.."

but why are you muttering an apology? it was self defense. is it so demeaning to shoot a man coming towards you in a threatening manner?

you didn't do anything wrong.

i didn't do anything wrong. you repeat it in form of a mantra, trying to contain your humanity as you grab your shoes. you aren't safe here. shit. if a guy immediately jumped at the chance of robbing you no more than two minutes after the purge was announced, who says more of the same fuckers won't show up?

bullets, a hammer, maybe a few knives under your sleeve. you have little trust in your own fists to take you far. the question as to who loaded your gun can be answered by the simple turn up of lips from a certain man.

you were simply defending yourself, you lick your bottom lip as you noticed blood beginning to flow from the opening of a cut. god fuck. the day your medication runs out is the day the purge has to be announced. your luck is truly astounding.

you close your eyes as the man's cries simply grow louder. you just need citalopram, the panic scorching in your heart shouldn't slow you down as long as the bottle is with you.

it isn't even eight o'clock, but there's already someone dying out no more than a few feet from you. you grip the edges of you kitchen table, eyes kept closed as you try to listen in for anything. with the walls as thin as yours in this apartment, the silence is nothing short of terrifying. even the sound of the fellow kids sobbing would be better than hearing absolutely nothing at all.

you slam your first against the wooden table, a few splinters probably driving into your fist as the bang resounds in your unit.

you aren't going to die, it'd be absolutely absurd to die knowing you have a gun, a hammer, and a few knives. you'd be an idiot to let yourself die.

your footsteps shuffle as you slam open your door, the cries of the man left on your floor dying down as you walk further and further away from your unit. it isn't safe anywhere really, but you won't allow death to come to you so soon.

if you're lucky, maybe you'll murder a certain bastard.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE die?" asking such obscure questions was a prospect of donghyuck's you learned to get used to during the span of the two years you dated. the usual smoke leaving his lips made you crinkle your nose, a sigh of slight irritation leaving your lips.

"atonement" you responded, throat heavy with the taste of bitter wine on your tongue as the click of his tongue responded to your answer.

a few strands of his hair gently lifted from their place as a night breeze rushed past the two of you. your nose again scrunched as you again let the horrid wine slip down your throat, you never had any idea how donghyuck could withstand drinking such a thing.

he tugged at one of points pierced into his ears, he seemed pleased by that answer. "and what do you have to atone for?"

"i'm sure i'll know when i come face to face with it".

that night, donghyuck gave you a genuine smile, the tease on the tip of his tongue disappearing into the air with the smoke he blows out through his lips. "your better than most people".

the look you shared could've been mistaken for irritation, maybe if a stranger were passing by they would definitely think so. he took your hand, tracing the shape of a star into your palm. "you only say that because it's me".

your words held some truth to them, and the grin donghyuck shared with you was as terrifying as it was mundane to your eyes.

donghyuck made no additional comment.

your boots stomp against the hardened cement as you make further distance from your apartment building. it would be idiotic to venture out into the barely safe outside world with nothing, but you aren't about to risk having a panic attack in the middle of a fucking danger zone.

even with your now heightened survival need, you still have no idea if you'll be able to wield that gun again, actually point it in the direction of a person and shoot. it isn't exactly impossible, but you're afraid you might vomit up your guts if you even give another attempt at someone's life.

your courage doesn't span that far, for all the bruises having appeared on your knuckles, you still find yourself nauseous knowing there's a man dying on the floor of your home.

but i didn't do anything wrong.

you didn't, y/n, don't be so hard in yourself.

you struggle to believe such words.

you hiss as sharp glass digs into your hand, eyes closing as you clamp your mouth shut.

smart going, y/n. at this point, you should probably get something more along with the citalopram, maybe painkillers.

that's funny, you'll probably end up killing yourself before ever getting someone else's blood on your hands. you narrow your eyes, honestly just the slightest bit baffled that people have already broken into a pharmacy. you keep one of your eyes closed as you work the window pane where it stuck in the middle of your palm. not even an hour in and you're going to suffer from an infection, rich.

you simply hope the clerk made it out safely before anyone got to him.

but your hopes may as well be crushed, the strong metallic smell reminiscent of blood fills the room. you close your eyes, now expecting the worst.

you hear the sound of your own lips smacking as your eyes scour the shelves, your silent sigh of disappointment would be normal if not for your current circumstances.

you catch no immediate sight of citalopram, which already surges the panic you have settling in your own mind.

your eyes cast in the next direction, the blood from your open cut now pooling down onto the floor. come on, where the fuck are you hiding?

panicking about not getting your medication in order to quell your panic disorder seems to be the most ironic part of this whole ordeal.

unfortunately for your quickly beating heart, which just seems to grow faster and faster as you spend more time in such a deserted area, you find no sight of citalopram.

just your luck. you can't even get fucking pills in the purge.

you kick a nearby piece of scrap, cursing at the ones above as you grab a medical kit, stuffing it into your backpack. your panic doesn't die down, but you choose to ignore it instead of keeping your focus designated on it.

you bite your tongue, turning on your heel to begin your walk out of the pharmacy. your luck always seems to run out in moments of dire need, just amazing.

you stop in your tracks as you hear the sound of voices nearby, steps growing closer and closer as the volume grows louder.

you bite into your cheek, stepping back behind the front counter, making your way towards the back exit.

"hey man! you know we see you right?"

you don't spare then any looks, or even stop to register the familiarity of the voice. your head scratches, god you feel like you've heard the same voice somewhere before, but you aren't about to entertain any of your thoughts.

"you know! he kinda looks like y/n!"

there's a pause, your stomach dropping as you hear the familiar sound of your name on some guy's lips. (and why the fuck does he sound so familiar?)

"hyuck will have our necks if anything happens to him".

you stop standing around like an idiot, stomping your feet as you again begin to trudge along the barely safe sidewalk. if you mind your own business, maybe people won't care, you hear car sirens blaring, and you shove your hands into your pockets, nose scrunching at the smell of smoke in the air.

"hey! y/n!"

the sound of footsteps running towards you has you immediately jumping from your spot, hands flying to grasp the revolver you kept clipped to your belt. you drew it and point forward, the person stopping in their tracks. "woah! calm down.."

"who the hell are you?"

"put the gun down!"

"don't yell at me!" you spit, eyes widening in an unsaid manner of fear. yeah, you're terrified, even though you're the one wielding a revolver at the current moment. the irony of your circumstances is so rich.

he raises his hands up in mock surrender, even with your trembling hand, you're still the one with a gun, no smart person would ever risk something like that. your breathing becomes visibly heavier, the air tense. you place a smile on your lips. "now how do you know my name?"

"we had econ together in third year!"

your eyebrows furrow. "what is that even supposed to mean?"

gosh maybe you should shoot him.

"well donghyuck asked me about you and.."

you stop, mouth going dry at mention of the name. fuck. donghyuck. donghyuck is alive. lee donghyuck is fucking alive. lee donghyuck is fucking alive and is asking around for you.

"he's alive?"

"well duh! he's on his way her—"

the moment you hear the words, it seems as if your arm is possessed. you aim for the middle of his forehead, pulling the trigger in what resounds as a loud bang. you don't stay long to watch him fall to the floor with a hole square in the middle of his head, just hear his body fall flat onto the ground, no more words left to be said.

you don't admire your work, instead you run.

you'd rather die before facing what you just did.

WHEN THE ADRENALINE FINALLY STOPS, YOUR MEMORY relaxes and you can picture where you've met the guy before, the guy who you just shot, you just put a hole in his head. god fuck you just murdered someone, willingly, the fear overtook your brain and you shot him, you shot a guy who you'd gone to school with before.

a guy who you'd met before economics in third year.

donghyuck enjoyed the bass of college parties, you? not so much.

but he had somehow convinced you, you would be right there with him, taken there as his plus one. you weren't the most sociable, but donghyuck was, so most people wouldn't know you even if he told them your name over and over again.

"do you usually come around here?"

that was where you met him, you didn't remember that night enough to retain his name in your memory, much too distracted by the irritating smell of weed filling the room. "hm? oh no! i usually can't deal with these kinds of outings".

he raised an eyebrow. lord, you feel sick recalling this memory now. you can barely close your eyes without picturing the hole you put in his head, you feel bile forcing itself up your throat.

"how come? you seem well acquainted with everyone here".

you released probably one of the most performative chuckles of your life that moment. "i don't smoke much or are as outgoing as my friends, i love them but these kinds of parties just aren't for me".

he extended his hand forward, and you blinked at the sight, taking it into yours to shake. your smile remained performed, theatric, your cheekbones beginning to strain in pain. "yejun".

"y/n, it's nice to meet you".

his eyes scanned you, and you let go of his hand rather quickly. "your name sounds familiar".

shock colored your features for a mere second.

"does it?"

"yeah, do i know you from somewhere?"

you opened your mouth in an attempt of a response, but you were stopped by the caress of a hand on your shoulder. "baby! i was looking for you".

instead of the look of horror you'd stare at him with now, you lit up at the sight of donghyuck, who began circling around a spot on your shoulder with his finger. "hi yejunie".

you watched the small look of fear transfixed on yejun's features simply grow, as if the mere sight of donghyuck was what he feared. "oh— your boyfriend is.. um.."

you glanced at donghyuck, who had that permanent smile on his face. "you two haven't met yet, right? i was hoping you would".

he wasn't. the clear lie on his lips got a small look from you, but you kept silent. "well we've met now".

"yejunie, how didn't you know i was dating y/n? i mean.. i talk about him all the time".

the words are delivered like a punch to your gut now that you recall them.

the expression of fear remain painted on his face. "sorry i must've blanked out then".

donghyuck laughed, one of his fakest ever.

you almost puke out your guts as you finally stop running, your breathing patterns simply growing more irregular as you fully take in your situation.

tears prick up in your eyes. you just shot him. you just murdered him, and yeah maybe it's illegal for the next eleven hours, but that doesn't make your panic die down. your breathing is uneven, your chest tightens, and tears freely run down your cheeks as sobs escape your lips.

the pain of an open wound on your hand is no longer the main focus, your vision blurring as you sob endlessly.

you're upset. terribly upset. your shoulders shake as you try to contain your cries, inhaling the smoke festering in the air. you keep the revolver grasped to your side, releasing one final sob before closing your eyes, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. your breathing lowers in volume, back firm against a door as you roll your eyes, letting the dry tears stick to your face as you again weigh your current situation.

your finger runs over the cold silver of the gun, and you suck your teeth as you stare at the cut across your palm. there's no longer a consistent flow of blood dripping onto the floor, it's simply bare now, you assume it'll begin stinging in a few hours, but for now, your left to wallow in your own pity.

you can barely register what the fuck is going on in it's own right, but now you've shot two people. you went from having not wielded a gun in weeks to now committing a crime.

the ways people can change is a miracle.

and maybe shooting someone who you know donghyuck is going to find is idiotic, but you weren't exactly thinking of that when you pulled the trigger.

you click your tongue, finally finished crying as you again shrug your backpack over your shoulder, stomping your boot onto the ground as you again begin trudging the other way.

you memorized your immediate surroundings like a machine ever since you first moved in. you knew where everything was, the pharmacy, the local corner store, the nearby high school, but considering you simply ran for your life, you aren't exactly sure where you are.

and if you don't even know where you are, surely that'll throw you off donghyuck's trail.

you keep your head down, hands pressed onto the straps of your backpack as you avert attention from the desecration you see. it's only been an hour and a half, the sky is not even yet shrouded in darkness, yet so many are dead.

you don't even want to think about the remaining carnage that will be witness in the morning. you just have to survive until seven am, even if that means piling up a death toll. you clear your throat, of course you get fucking thirsty now.

you aren't even sure where you're heading, but you just need to walk any other way. maybe a convenience store will suddenly appear like a guardian angel.

you again perk up at the sound of scurrying footsteps, your grip on the revolver tightening. you hear a yelp in response to your action, just the faintest sight of pink hair hiding behind the building you approach.

you snort, a faint clicking heard. when the person again peaks from behind the building, your eyes widen comically. "yangyang?"

a sigh of relief emanates from the familiar face, who runs his hands over his face and surges towards you to wrap you in a tight embrace. you reel at the feeling of being hugged, almost wiggling out of the whole thing as a whole. your hands remain up, your arms not circling around him as they usually would.

your paranoia remains off the charts, a small breath leaving your own lips. you suck your teeth, still keeping the revolver in your grip, your gaze unmoving. "well! what were the odds of this?"

your smile falls, you already don't like the chances you seem to have. "truly one in a million.. are you alright?"

your eyes narrow at the cut on his cheek, and he lets out a theatric laugh as he quickly swipes your hand away from his face. "i'm okay! honestly it's a wonder that i'm not dead yet!"

a small grimace overtakes your features. you've known him long enough to know the way he stares when he lies, this has to be some stupid clone situation, or he has to an android, maybe you should shoot him to see if he's made of metal or something. he's acting so.. weird.

but then again, should you be surprised? absolutely not.

he seems to scour his mind for words, eventually placing another theatrically rehearsed smile on his face. "are you hungry?" he inquires, as if reading your mind.

you stare, searching for something alien in his gaze, anything that could indicate he might pull out a knife and slit your throat, or that he's leading you to your eventual death. would yangyang really murder you after almost crushing your bones in a hug?

why wouldn't you be able to trust your friend?

you have a loaded gun in your grasp, knives in your backpack, an okay pack of punches, you'll be fine. what could he do?

"yeah.."

he offers his hand out for you, the offer much too tempting. he does it in the same manner donghyuck used to—

and now you're thinking about donghyuck again.

fucking incredible.

you ignore your thoughts, letting him take your hand into his. maybe not all is bad.

you'll learn those words are really just words.

DONGHYUCK CAN THRIVE IN BOTH SILENCE AND SOUND, two years proved that enough to you. though his silence now taunts you in this current day, before you two broke up, the silence was a comfort only you could scope the extent of. when he wasn't running his mouth, he preferred that you'd run your fingers through his hair, it's how you coaxed him to sleep.

you hate the way his soft hands remain firm in your memory. holding hands is one of the most mundane things two can do in a relationship, but you considered it to be a special case.

lee donghyuck himself is a special case, maybe you should've just let yourself suffer in your own head instead of breaking up with him and getting into this whole mess.

you consider the fact that you're scarfing down free food at almost nine pm to be a miracle, you consume energy drinks quite literally all the time, eating actual food is a blessing.

yangyang simply stares, he probably wasn't hungry, but he seems pleased that you're doing fine. "did you actually use that?"

his eyes point towards the gun, it's barrel glowing under the fluorescent lights of this old diner. you let out a small sigh, smacking your lips loudly against each other. "yep".

yangyang's eyes widen to the size of saucers. "your kidding, you shot someone?"

you raise a peace sign. "two people actually".

his jaw drops in an action that seemed programmed into his mind. "oh my god you're a murder!"

you snort. "it's just the purge, yang".

"mm, speaking of that, have you talked to anyone else yet?"

you leap off the counter, sucking your teeth as you sling your bag over your shoulders. "anyone else as in..?"

"jeno, jaemin? mark? renjun? chenle?" yangyang scoffs as he utters the last name. "we all know he's doing just fine, rich asshole" he sounds in the air, grunting as his sweater sleeve gets caught on a nearby pole. "not even donghyuck?"

you merely glare through your peripheral vision, a faint scowl crawling up your throat. "no.. not really".

"shame" he keeps his hands behind his back.

his tone of voice catches you off guard, and you turn back towards him, catching him freeze at your sudden look. "you aren't going to tell him are you?"

"what?" for once, yangyang looks genuinely surprised. how funny.

"because yejun said that donghyuck was asking about me, and so he's asking people about me, which means he probably asked you about me" it's a dangerous move, but you point the barrel of the revolver in the square middle of his chest.

a nervous fit of laughter tumbles out of him as he backs up. "y/n, you're paranoid, don't worry it's completely fine you're just terrifying me right now!"

you let a loud breath fall from your lips as you take in your current situation, and you blink at the sight, reeling away with a tight grip remaining on your gun. "i don't.. you can't tell donghyuck where i am, yejun— i.."

yangyang squints. "you?"

"he's dead! i shot him! and donghyuck is gonna find out and then he's gonna find me and then i'm gonna face him again but i'm not ready and i'm also sort of terrified!"

you slap a hand over your mouth as the ramble comes to an end, sucking a breath in between your teeth. "tell me you didn't tell him".

"you shot yejun?"

"don't change the subject!"

"how could you shoot him!?"

"are you seriously asking me that right now!?" you laugh at your own circumstances, this is funny, this is so fucking funny, you hope he can see the clear amusement painted on your features. "i took like five minutes to cry about it and i'm completely okay now! just don't rat me out to donghyuck please".

yangyang's concern betrays any other emotion he could possibly be feeling. "y/n.."

"don't start".

his arms drop at his sides, and he swallows his own spit. "i.. what's wrong?"

your brows furrow. "excuse me?"

"is this really how you wanted to reunite with me? with us? you avoid us for almost three years because apparently your breakup with donghyuck did you so terribly and now you just shoot people!?"

"don't lecture me! you don't get to lecture me! not during the fucking purge after knowing none of you reached out! you don't get to talk to me about this while you're trying to hand me over to my ex!"

"he isn't going to do anything!"

you raise the revolver, cocking it in his direction. "give me one very good reason on why i shouldn't murder you right now" you drag against each other in motions indicative of your festering anger. jesus, you can't even go an hour in the purge without threatening your old friend with a gun. fucking incredible.

anything to not fall into donghyuck's hands.

"y/n".

"you told him already right? so it doesn't even matter if i shoot you or not because donghyuck will know anyway".

yangyang looks one snap away from bursting into tears. "come on".

"no".

"y/n.."

"don't y/n me you shut the fuck up!"

you're just about to go insane, you haven't taken your medication, and you absolutely do not want to face your ex boyfriend again. you close your eyes, the tip of your pointer finger pulling the trigger as a gunshot rings out in the space before you.

yangyang fuck! you shot yangyang you fucking idiot.

you guess you can let donghyuck pick up the remnants of your mess.

DONGHYUCK ADMIRES THE MOON IN IT'S TRUEST FORM in the night sky. his infatuation with the moon has always been a staple of him, something you picked up on him even before you began making out in closets away from your friends. watching the night sky easily peaks his interest, as it probably still does, you presume.

"you still out here?" you inquired, nose again crinkling at the familiar smell of smoke filling the outside air.

"i like the moon" you only blinked at the cigarette tucked between his fingers, a small him reverberating from him. you leaned in and placed your head onto his shoulder, closing your eyes.

"open your eyes" he chastised. "admire the moon" he tapped his finger onto your cheek, feigned look of sadness on his face as he he pouted sweetly.

"i'm tired, come back".

"you don't want to admire the moon with me?" his breath tickled your hair, a look of elation spreading across his face as he watched your face scrunch up in irritation. "what a terrible boyfriend you are" he snickered.

"it's cold, it's warm with you in bed" he fake cooed at your whine, sticking out his tongue at your misery.

"you are incredibly whiny" he replied, clicking his tongue. he held your jaw in his hands, raising an eyebrow as he observed the look on your face. "kiss me?"

you leaned back, watching a look of dismay wash across his features. "absolutely not, i don't like the taste of cigarettes".

donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows, scrunching his nose. "you won't withstand them for me?"

you stared, licking your teeth. he tilted his head, pondering. you rolled your eyes, intertwining your fingers. "okay now it's time to sleep".

"y/n!"

"shhh baby, it's bed time".

he almost completely collapsed in your arms.

you suck your teeth, again shoving your hands into your pockets. just the tiniest hint of blood stains your shirt. yangyang. jesus. you're an absolute monster. you're no better than donghyuck now.

after this, you should probably check yourself into a mental hospital.

that's if donghyuck doesn't put a bullet through your skull first.

you won't die by his hands, not while you've already sort of lost your mind.

"woah dude are you okay?"

"i'n amazing" you croak, clicking the gun in that stranger's direction. the stranger again squeaks, jumping back. you raise an eyebrow, now amused by the prospect. "have you never seen a gun before?"

"are you going to murder me?"

you have a terrible headache at the moment, your eyesight might go to shit in a few minutes, and you've probably already gone crazy. "should i..?" you mutter, lips turning downward.

responding to people's questions with a question is never a you move.

you shoot him.

you aren't trigger happy, shooting only three people isn't exactly the definition of that. you just the find the mechanics of guns to be interesting, the minimal shooting practice you got didn't exactly make you a professional.

but when you have a gun, you have a gun.

and besides, whose going to reprimand you? it's legal to murder people.

you lick your teeth, scrunching your nose at the now added blood on your clothes. how troubling.

"you can't just do that!"

your eyes narrow, your tongue clicking. "what are you gonna do? arrest me?"

good lord you need your medication.

"you gonna put the gun down now?"

you freeze in your spot.

shit.

a whistle behind your away makes you jump, smacking the person behind you. a giggle tumbles out of donghyuck's lips. oh you're hilarious.

"baby, did you miss me?"

you roll your eyes, an action that doesn't exactly get a smile out of donghyuck. he sucks his teeth. "that's rude y/n, i go through all this trouble looking for you.."

"i didn't ask you to".

donghyuck's laugh is dragged out, and he wraps a seizing arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer. "hey, let's go on a trip yeah? i want to get you something".

"donghyuck—"

"come on y/n, i know you like gold jewelry".

he makes it clear there's no room for disagreement, a small pinch to your shoulder blade as he drags you away from the scene, carefully stepping over the guy you just shot. "let's go catch up".

your stomach drops just enough that you feel as if you're going to die.

and donghyuck? donghyuck just smiles at your misery.

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