#-your misogynistic idea of a pretty little woman who does everything right and is perfect and submits to her husband

[selfships-in-spanish]

The Queen of Demons 3/?

Pairing: Erwin Smith x OC, Levi Ackerman x OC

Rating: Mature (the rating will go up as the story advances! But it will totally be explicit ;D But right now just in case)

Warnings: None for now, but sexist and misogynist upbringing (Eva's father is a huge asshole).

Word Count: 7103

ALSO POSTED ON AO3

A/N: Third chapter LET'S GOOOOOO– We are getting more into the plot of the story, Erwin being Erwin and Flora being the absolute best girl in the whole universe.

Gotta love Flora.

CHAPTER 3: DANCING WITH THE DEVIL

Both the Crown Prince and the Chief ordered their remaining men to step outside too, asking for absolute privacy. Everyone but Moblit left.

Friederich let out a loud sigh, taking a long gulp from his goblet to drown the image of their beloved little sister pleading them to not leave her alone. They sadly had to, it was safer for her this way. The Chief refilled it, the Prince thanking him with a nod.

“Now you understand what we meant, right?” Hans laced his fingers together, resting his arms on his knees.

“Father has had his claws on her for far too long.” Friederich stared at the wine in his goblet, frowning displeased. “Too long.”

He forgot when it was the last time his little sister genuinely smiled.

“I do, your Highnesses. And I swear to you both, and to the Goddesses, that she will be safe here.”

“This wouldn’t have been possible without your help, Erwin. You really don’t know how grateful we are to you, and for accepting our only request.” Hans looked directly at the Chief’s eyes.

“This is the safest place for her to be while the other stages of the plan happen.” Erwin took a sip of his goblet, eyeing both brothers as he awaited for Moblit to finish translating. “Your father won’t dare urge us Eldians to fulfill our end of the deal until the marriage happens. For now he waits, and that is when we must act. Sadly time is of the essence, and we cannot waste any of it.”

“Truly a race against time, huh?” Friederich crossed his arms, not wanting to let any negative thoughts cloud his mind and sully his purpose.

“Yes, a race we must win.” Both brothers understood now why the Eldian Chief was both feared by his enemies and deeply respected by his allies. His determination was contagious, and even if they had all the odds against them, they felt that they could truly win. This is how his warriors must feel on the battlefield, ready to give their lives following his orders as they fought side by side.

“Our sister–” Friederich insisted, his fingers twitching.

“My warriors will protect her. The chances of having an entire army mobilised here are very slim, especially considering their General is here, and that the troops are loyal to their General, before their King.” Erwin motioned with his hand towards Friederich. “And I suppose if it was inevitable, I would have a word of warning to prepare a scheme to avoid our armies confronting each other, wouldn’t I?”

“Still, it’s a big gamble. Even for you.” Hans replied, taking a sip from his goblet. “We should consider all chances.”

“He knows his chances.” Friederich leaned back on his chair. “Don’t you?”

“I’ve always been a man of big gambles.” The Chief’s chuckle made Friederich snort. “But rest assured–”

“This is our sister we are speaking of, not only Gottesreich.” From the two brothers, Friederich had always been the hot-headed one, and wouldn’t hesitate to say a piece of his mind when his little Birdie was concerned. “Harmony has been broken, Father has gone too far in his madness, and this is our only chance to do something, yes.” Friederich leveled the Chief with a hard stare. “But for me, my sister comes first. She’s an innocent in this, screw the Kingdom if any harm comes to her, screw Fa–”

“Friederich.” Hans fixed his eyes on his brother. A warning.

“I understand your feelings and concerns, Friederich. I do, and I share the same sentiment as you.”

“She is not a pawn to be sacrificed in any stage of the plan. This is why she is here.”

“I know. Trust my warriors.” Erwin’s determined glint in his eyes settled any doubts the younger Prince may have had.

Some said he was a master strategist, others a mad genius leading an army of demons. Friederich believed he was both, because you had to be brilliantly crazy to pull stunts as they had pulled before and be victorious each time. His warriors would follow him to the ends of the known world and Friederich deeply respected that.

“We will right the wrongdoings done to this world by the hand of our father. We only wished we realised sooner what his plans were.”

“You realised it in time, enough to do something.”

“We hope so, Erwin.” Hans had a somber expression on his face, really wanting to believe what the Chief said. “We hope so.”

That seemed to conclude their private meeting, seeing both brothers to their respective rooms in the guest houses. The Chief retired to his own too, soon to be shared with his fiancé, before finishing some matters concerning the evening banquet.

As he stepped into the wooden tub filled with warm water, releasing a pleased groan as he lowered himself further into it and felt the tight knots in his back loosen, he couldn’t help but to still think about their little talk with the Princes and the Princess herself.

There was so much work to be done. They were only in the early stages of their plan and so many things could go wrong. Erwin was not stupid, he knew every plan had its risks, but they made the hard work worth it. It was worth it. The three siblings were the key to change the course of the three nations.

Hans was going to be a good King. Down to earth, just, always willing to protect his people and their happiness. He had a great responsibility on his shoulders as the Crown Prince, but Erwin felt more at ease knowing one day he will be the one sitting on the throne of Gottesreich. The Crown Prince despised greed.

Erwin deeply respected Friederich, both as a General who had the trust of his men and as a fierce soldier with a big heart. Those were qualities appreciated in Eldia, since you had to understand life in order to take one in battle. Friederich always honoured his enemies, and Erwin knew that if they ever had to cross swords in a battlefield, it would be a good, honourable fight.

But that wasn’t the plan, no. If it all came together in the end, they would be side by side.

As he let his head rest on the edge of the tub, Erwin’s mind wandered towards the third of the Gottesreichan siblings.

Erwin would be an absolute blind fool if he didn’t agree with what the whispers and rumours said; the Princess was a beauty. Elegance, gracefulness, perfect manners, a lovely face… everything needed to survive in a court and its poisoned, claustrophobic walls. But he would never forget the way she looked absolutely terrified at the prospect of being alone, and Erwin couldn’t blame her at all. It would shake anyone to their cores to be ripped off their homes to be then thrown into an unknown territory. But there was also something else hidden deep under those layers of fear, another reason than a change of culture.

With her doe eyes and delicate features, the Princess reminded him of a scared little fawn.

Erwin only hoped she would lose her fear and be happy here, to be her true self without her father’s strings manipulating her every movement and word. It will be tedious and Erwin will have to use his entire patience, but he was positive he would succeed.

The door of the private bathroom opened without a warning, Levi stepping in with a confident stride and uncaring of Erwin’s nakedness. He closed it with his foot, not even turning back to properly do so, and took a stool to sit down on it. Erwin knew it would be futile to stop Levi from saying what he had on his mind, years of friendship proved him that, and that displeased frown sometimes said more than words.

“This is a terrible idea.” Levi crossed his arms, glaring at the man in front of him. “Are you sure about this, Erwin?”

The Chief chuckled. Levi’s frown deepened.

“Ah, straight to the point as always.” Erwin closed his eyes, feeling Levi’s agitated ones on him. “I am sure.”

“What made you think marrying that Princess will help Eldia?” Levi wasn’t happy about this decision he took, but he knew that deep down Erwin must have a good, important reason to do it. Or maybe not. This was Erwin, you never knew what he had in mind. “Or maybe you want kids now? Don’t tell me it’s that, you bastard. You could have chosen any Eldian woman, they’d be more than happy to do so.”

Erwin couldn’t contain the burst of laughter that escaped from deep in his throat.

“Rest assured, Levi, it’s not kids I want.”

“Then what? It’s Gottesreich we are talking about. Gottesreich and the mad, greedy King. Do you really want to be associated with that?”

“She will help our cause.” Erwin heard Levi sigh. “Thankfully the brothers think so too, the people of her Kingdom have a special spot for her, and that plays to our advantage. Let’s better leave the Mad King thinking he got a stupidly, unbelievable good deal and that he won us, uncultured barbarians, over. You know what they say,” Ah, there it was. That dangerous, cunning glint in his eyes. “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”

The Chief and his insane gambles. Levi scoffed.

“You already have planned multiple ways to use her and her ties to the Mad King, haven’t you?”

“You make me sound like an uncaring monster, Levi. But I wouldn’t endanger her at all, that’s not part of the plan.”

“Sometimes you are, dipshit. When you have a plan and are adamant to carry it on, nothing will stop you.” Erwin placed his hand on his chest, chuckling and lowering his head as if he was hurt.

“You wound me.”

“Asshole.” Levi kicked the tub.

“But she isn’t here to be used as a pawn.” That caught Levi’s attention. “She is here for her safety. If she stayed any longer in her Kingdom, she would have her pretty head chopped off or worse. Here she has a second chance.”

“So that’s the deal with her brothers, then? Their sister?”

“That was their only selfish request, that only one life was to be secured at any costs, even over their citizens.”

“Huh. I see. So we are babysitters now.”

“You could put it like that, or also you could think of it as an opportunity to see a beautiful flower bloom, besides the enrichment and merging of our cultures. Don’t you want to expand your knowledge?”

Levi’s brow twitched.

“You are twisted.”

“And you are twisting my words. I meant this,” Erwin tapped his temple. “Our little Princess there is not just a pretty face. I want to see what she is capable of.”

“Huh.”

“I know that behind those scared eyes lies intelligence and knowledge. One time Prince Hans told me she would go with them on diplomatic visits, and how she would take over one day when he was King. She has the skills. She’s observant, or haven’t you noticed?”

“I guess, although today she looked mostly like a frightened mouse, or haven’t you noticed?”

“Ah, indeed I noticed. Do you blame her, though?”

Levi looked at his feet, sighing.

“Not at all.”

Both men remained in silence, going through today’s events. Their lives would drastically change from now on, and Levi wanted to believe it was for the good. Erwin’s voice grabbed his attention again.

“Let’s try our best to make her feel welcome. Everyone would be scared to be in a foreign land with no known faces, no knowledge of the language, only knowing your fate is sealed and you cannot do a thing about it.”

“I think your eyebrows are what scares her the most.” Levi snorted, rising up from the stool. “Although I know other things will scare her more when she sees them.”

“Oi, there’s nothing wrong with my eyebrows.” He splashed a bit of water towards Levi’s direction, knowing how his childish behaviour often set his right hand’s man nerves on edge. He also didn’t want parts of his anatomy discussed while he was, well, naked. Levi deserved a bit of water.

“I hope your kids don't have them.” It was Erwin’s turn to snort.

“Rude.”

“Get out before you look like a raisin. I bet the Princess won’t kiss you then.” Levi grabbed a towel and threw it at the Chief’s face. “Go take a shit and make yourself presentable. You should take her around the town.”

“We better let her rest, it has been a long journey for them.” Erwin left the towel on a nearby stool. “I will take her and her brothers tomorrow to see the town.”

Levi shrugged his shoulders, walking to the door.

“Be on your best behaviour.” Levi rolled his eyes, not sparing a glance towards the Chief. Levi knew he would have that infuriating smirk on his lips.

“I’m always on my best behaviour.”

“Absolutely.”

Erwin watched Levi shake his head and sigh, exiting the bathroom and leaving the Chief snickering and alone with his thoughts.

There were so many things to prepare for his change in his daily life in the upcoming months. For once, he would have to share his house and make room for whatever needs and space the Princess may have.

And tidy.

Erwin scratched his chin, knowing he really should pick up his clothes and take them to get cleaned before Levi lost his patience and set fire to them. Also pick up the maps and books invading every flat surface available. Change the candles, store the seal wax in its rightful place…

Yes, many things indeed.

Erwin let himself submerge slightly into the water, sighing.

///

“This is a nightmare.”

“Oh c’mon, you big dramatic oaf. Look at the bright side of it, he is handsome! And strong! I want one of them myself!”

“Flora!”

“What? I got eyes and I’m not made of stone! Did you see the size of him? I bet he can lift a cow without breaking a sweat.” Flora brushed her Princess’ hair, perfectly detangling and separating the strands to prepare it for the hair style she had in mind, and greatly enjoying her friend’s flustered cheeks. “And he will say to you: “Oh, my Princess! Look at these arms!”, and then will rip his tunic off–” Flora dropped her voice trying to imitate the same pitch as the Chief’s one, and also flexing her own arms as if she was displaying her own inexistent muscles. “And say: “Princess, tonight I will—“

Eva’s scandalised gasp made it worth it.

“Where did you learn all this?!”

“My dear, sweet, virtuous, pure, innocent, Princess.” Flora’s grin made Eva’s mouth twitch.

“No, save it. I don’t want to know.”

“You know the captain’s son, handsome young man—“

“Flora!”

“Those unused rooms where—“

Another gasp.

“No!” Eva covered her mouth. Those rooms?!

“That table— sturdy, let me tell you. But ah! He has good fingers!”

“FLORA.”

The handmaiden snorted, followed by a good-hearted laugh. She resumed brushing the Princess’ hair, already thinking what pins to use this time for the braid and bun.

“I know you had to be the beacon of virtue and holiness for the Kingdom, an example to be followed, but us women are curious and have our needs also. What’s wrong in having a little bit of fun? Haven’t you been curious yourself?” Flora’s smile reassured Eva. Sometimes Eva felt like her handmaiden was a caring big sister, and felt comfortable enough to discuss thoughts she had that never would dare to say aloud.

“I… well.”

“...I know about those forbidden books under your mattress.”

“Then you know the answer.”

Flora’s loud laugh echoed around the room, needing to leave the brush on the vanity and having to clutch her belly. Eva’s cheeks increased their red glow, pointedly ignoring Flora’s outburst. Certainly those who came from the countryside weren’t as lawful to the Holy Scriptures as the ones nearer the Capital or the Palace itself.

Once Flora managed to calm down enough and wiped away tears, she resumed her work, expertly braiding the Princess’s long hair. It always soothed Eva, the way her handmaiden gently manoeuvred her hands and fingers without a harsh and painful pull. Flora said having two whiny younger sisters made you learn fast.

“Hmmm,” Flora tied the braid with a ribbon for now, tapping her finger on her chin while deep in thought. “I was thinking that for tonight’s banquet you should look… exquisite. But distinguished. But making sure our darling Chief cannot take your eyes away from you.”

“You are enjoying this, aren’t you.” Eva rose a delicate brow, looking straight at Flora’s honey eyes through the mirror. Flora snickered, turning around to the multiple open trunks and luggage.

“Of course I am!” Flora rummaged through one of the Princess’ trunks, pulling out a dress. “What about this one?”

“Which one?” Eva turned around to see which piece was Flora holding in her hands. “The red one? Maybe it’s too much… The cleavage and open shoulders—“

“It makes a statement. Our Chief won’t be able to concentrate on anything else but you.”

“I really don’t want to draw too much attention to myself, Flora. You know how much I despise it.”

“You will draw it regardless of what you are wearing, my darling Princess. Sadly you are new, and everyone wants to see the novelty.”

“I know…”

“So let's make them look and drop their jaws when they do.” Flora’s eyes brightened at her own words, a fire burning in them.

“I wish I had your confidence.” Eva sighed looking down at her hands.

“Oh no no no—” Flora left the dress on top of the bed, walking next to her Princess and holding her face in her hands and squeezing her cheeks. “Do not give me that speech!”

“Whut Fwlora—“

“Not buts! Show them what the proud, brilliant and beautiful Princess of Gottesreich is capable of!”

///

“This was Flora’s doing, right?”

“You know there’s nothing one can do to stop her once she’s set on something.” Eva sighed, hearing Hans chuckle.

“Fierce woman.” Friederich replied, smirking.

“Indeed.”

“You will thank me later, your Highness.” Flora’s smug smirk made Friederich snicker.

Hans knew her sister’s handmaiden was a hurricane. Stubborn as a mule, also. But had the biggest heart and best intentions. He still remembers when Flora came to the palace to start as a maid, a twig of a girl but with a big smile and endless energy. Chatty, too.

She was perfect for quiet, reserved and shy Eva. He also remembers how Eva would hide behind curtains or a tree because she was not prepared for her new extroverted maid. Now, as they grew, they both turned to be exceptional women with an unbreakable bond. But Flora still pushed Eva to get out of her comfort zone quite often, much to the Princess’ dismay.

The dress did cause a statement.

Once she removed her cloak upon entering the Great Hall, rearranged now to be filled with long tables and so much food it made the royal siblings’ eyes widen, Eva’s shoulders were openly displayed, as well as her long neck and collarbones, the dress neck line following a V ending in the perfect spot to either not be a vulgar display of cleavage and being cheeky enough to intuit what was underneath. It fit perfectly to her body, Flora made sure of that when the royal tailor came to take her measurements. It really was a beautiful and warm dress, velvety to the touch and thick enough to compensate for the open area. It also had embroidered motifs of leaves and flowers decorating the neckline and long sleeves, and a beautifully crafted belt made by the best Gottesreichan artisans that accentuated her waistline. Flora named it the “Jaw Dropper”. Eva scoffed at the name, thinking of how silly it was, until she wore it one day at court and had to admit the nickname suited it just fine.

Like now.

Needless to say the Chief was shocked to see skin revealed, considering how covered and bound the Princess was earlier. A quick look to the Princess’ handmaiden, who stood behind her and not even making an effort to contain her pleased smirk, made the Chief know who was behind the sudden wardrobe change.

The Gottesreichan entourage were led to the main table, as etiquette dictated for being their guests of honour. Flora was being led to another table as they approached their seats, and the thought of having Flora alone and away filled Eva with dread. She wanted Flora with them, secure with her own people, and also to have someone to help make this moment more bearable; Flora always made everything better, especially boring banquets, and the handmaiden thoroughly enjoyed them, and well, sometimes making fun of some lords. That was refreshing, even more when she had to fake smiles and politeness when all Eva wanted to do is lie down on her bed with a book.

Disregarding everything she had been taught, surprising herself even for her own selfish actions, Eva sought Moblit. Father wasn’t there to punish her now, and hoped Hans and Friederich understood her.

“I’m terribly sorry to be a burden, Moblit, but I have a request to make if it is not much trouble.” the warrior in question raised his brows. Seeing how the Princess was fidgeting with her fingers and was trying to hide it, Moblit encouraged her with a smile.

“What can we do for you, Your Highness?”

“I’d like to have my handmaiden, Flora, seated with me. I know protocol dictates otherwise, but–” Eva really hoped it would be possible. She felt her brother’s stares on her and was making her even more nervous. “I’d really appreciate it, if possible.”

Moblit looked surprised, but nodded, still maintaining his smile.

“Do not worry, Your Highness, it’s not trouble at all.”

The way the Princess’ face illuminated itself with a smile shocked the man, and hurriedly went to fetch the handmaiden in question. Flora looked at Eva and then at her supposed spot on a table near the main one, but followed Moblit nonetheless. Eva was glad she decided to ask for her, because they seated Eva next to the Chief and wasn’t sure she would have survived if Flora had not been by her side.

The handmaiden was giddy, usually having to sit on the other tables and entertain herself with the other guests while the Princess dealt with Princes and Lords; Flora recalled those times the Princess would roll her eyes whenever they crossed their gazes and both women had to hide their smirks behind their drinks. Flora knew she wouldn't have had any trouble in making friends as usual, despite the lack of language between her and the Eldians. Eva often called her a social hurricane, besides a menace when Flora had ideas.

“This looks delicious, doesn’t it?” Flora looked at the table once they were seated and people started chatting, stopping herself just in time from whistling in amazement. “So much food! They certainly didn’t fall short on it.”

“It does.” Eva sat more rigidly than usual, the closeness with the Chief getting on her nerves. She tried not to raise her voice too much, but had to agree with Flora. “The vegetables look very fresh.”

Eldian servants poured wine to the goblets and left the decanter on the table, busy with the work they had ahead.

“Careful with it, it’s… strong.” Eva looked at her own goblet with dread. She did not want to repeat her performance from before.

“That’s because you cannot hold alcohol, Princess.”

“That’s not true.” Eva knew she sounded like a petulant child.

Flora was about to retort, but was stopped by the Chief getting everyone’s attention by standing up and grabbing his own goblet. The room became silent, everyone focusing their eyes on him. Moblit silently moved to stand behind the Gottesreichan guests, ready for when their Chief spoke up.

The Chief’s strong voice boomed, speaking so everyone in the room could clearly hear him. Eva was still impressed at how his voice reminded her of rumbling thunder on a summer’s storm, and how easily he filled any room with his presence. Eva knew many nobles and princes who wished they had such a commanding presence.

Moblit’s voice made her tear her eyes away from the man.

“People of Eldia, rejoice! For tonight we celebrate and welcome a new member of our tribe. Tonight marks the start of a new stage in our lives and history, the union of two cultures. Please, welcome Princess Eva into your hearts, as she is to become my wife in the upcoming months.”

The Eldians intently listened to their Chief, some nodding, some gasping with excited smiles, some crossing their arms in a display of concentration, some with skeptical frowns. The Princess dreaded the last ones, especially when the attention of the Eldians was shifted to her, their gazes and murmurs not helping the wreck of nerves inside her guts. She will have to be careful with those who weren’t compliant with such news. Eva was not stupid, she knew not everybody was going to be happy and excited to see her here, even less marrying their leader, to become his wife. Surely they all expected someone else, but certainly not her. It was not a secret that Gottesreich had enemies across the continent, and Eldia wasn’t exactly on good, perfect friendly terms with the Holy Kingdom. Eva only hoped her presence here would smooth sore bumps and begin more friendly exchanges between nations.

The Chief turned to her, gesturing to his left with his hand. His eyes didn’t leave hers as she took her cue to gracefully stand up and bow to those who were to become her new people, raising up more murmurs. Flora always told her how her stoic and impassive face amazed her, even though she knew the Princess was a mess inside every time she had to face public speeches and banquets, but remained calm on the outside, not giving away one single thought of hers.

Tonight she really hoped it was the case.

“I propose a toast.” The Chief raised his goblet as he kept talking, while Moblit kept translating. Everyone went to do the same, grabbing and raising their goblets up high. The Chief turned his palm up, offering it for the Princess to delicately pose her own on it, her heart beating wildly inside her chest as the Chief closed it in his grip. His hand was massive. “For this union, for my future wife, for the good of Eldia! May the Goddesses Maria, Rose and Sina bless our guests! Praise the Goddesses!”

“Praise the Goddesses!” The roar of the Eldians was deafening, and everyone cheered in unison as they heartily drank as was customary.

Eva swallowed down her grimace as the wine touched her tongue and went down her throat, scorching as it did earlier. The Chief squeezed her hand, and Eva realised it was slightly trembling. Her husband-to-be was looking at her, unreadable as before, as he let go of her hand and Eva tried to not yank it back to her side in a panic; for him to witness such weakness was embarrassing. Eva left the goblet on the table and sat down as the Chief did, careful of the dress skirt. This was going to be a long night. Moblit went back to his seat on the Eldian side of the table, but not without pausing to whisper “you did well, Princess” to Eva. That was comforting.

“See? Cannot hold it at all.” Eva’s earrings slapped her jaw from the force of her head turning to fix a stare at Flora. Eva ignored the sting.

“Oh, stop it! I told you it’s strong!”

“Do you want me to remind you of that time, at Prince Zeke’s birthday party, where you–”

“No! Shush! Don’t remind me!” Eva turned her head towards the front, raising it with as much dignity as she could and a slight blush dusting on her cheeks. Not that night, Eva swore she let out even her first meal as a mere babe. It had been horrible. Flora had to hold her hair while telling another maid to get her water and a calming tea to settle her stomach. She did not dare step out of her rooms for the entire morning.

“Hmm?”

“...Okay, you are right. I cannot hold it. Satisfied?”

“For now.”

“Don’t make me regret this.” Eva sighed as she took her napkin. It was a nice fabric, Eva was surprised.

“As if! You already have to thank me, the Chief hasn’t taken his eyes from you.”

Eva froze, venturing a quick look to her right to see how indeed the Chief was glancing her way while sipping on his drink. He seemed amused but also as if he had his mind thinking on something. Eva hastily returned her gaze to her plate.

“Told you it would work!” Flora’s smug shake of her head made Eva sigh.

She was right. It did work.

“Don’t worry Birdie, I’ve seen princesses and nobles shoving their bosoms to everyone’s faces with their dresses.” Friederich leaned in, catching his sister’s attention with a cheeky smile. “You are safe.”

“See? Even Friederich here agrees with me! You have to show off that beautiful neck of yours!”

“Take some mercy on my poor sister, Flo.”

“Hm,” Flora drank from her goblet, leaning back on her seat. “Only because you asked nicely.”

“You both,” Hans’ voice rose. The three of them looked over at the Crown Prince calmly cutting some meat from his plate. “Behave. And Eva,” Hans looked at Eva with gentle eyes. “You did good today, I’m proud of you.”

Hans' smile and praise warmed Eva, happy of today’s efforts being noticed. She achieved to keep making her brothers proud, and hoped her father would be too. A timid smile rose to her lips.

The banquet passed without much more trouble, but Flora kept talking and made the Princess be out of her silent shell. Eva didn’t know if to feel relieved or saddened for not being able to communicate with the Chief, as one would do in any banquet with your dinning partner, but Eva pointedly tried to avoid looking at him, although she once or twice looked to his side for guidance when some Eldian dishes were presented and she had no idea how one was supposed to eat that. The Chief was patient enough to show her when she looked lost, and Eva kind of wanted to groan in embarrassment and thump her head on the table at the thought of what must the Chief think of her, even unable to eat without guidance as if she was a child.

The desserts were delicious, though.

As the night continued, some Eldians began dancing in the center of the Great Hall to the lively tunes the band played on a corner. They cheered and laughed loudly, inviting others to join and spin around the improvised dance floor. Those who weren’t dancing yet, followed the rhythm of the music with the clapping of their hands and thumping of feet on the floor, singing along.

The air was cheery and happy, contagious even. Some warriors went to the center of the floor, like Mike with that female warrior from before. Even Moblit was dragged to it by an excited warrior with a wide smile and sparkling brown eyes. The Chief remained on his seat, enjoying the jolly atmosphere of his people having a good time. Levi kept refusing people coming to ask him for a dance.

Eva watched fascinated at the Eldian dances, so different from those back home. They were not afraid of bodies touching bodies, hands clasping and hugging, spinning, jumping… it was as if a joyful spell had been casted on them. Even Flora joined, and Eva was really not surprised at that, when an Eldian approached her. Flora was torn for a split second, not wanting to leave the Princess alone, but Eva nudged her, begging her handmaiden to have a good time on her behalf. So there she was, dancing and spinning and laughing as the Eldian man tried to follow her pace. Eva couldn’t help her smile, enjoying her friend having a good time.

As the night progressed, more people joined and changed partners as others took a break. Knowing how Friederich loved to dance when he was at foreign banquets, Eva did not try to feign surprise or shock when he took Flora to join him in a dance as she had come back to take a break too, this time shoving her to her brother’s arms, whispering “go go go!” for only her to hear. Eva considered this payback for the dress, raising a brow with an almost imperceptible smirk as Flora sent her a dirty, flustered look her way when Friederich twirled her around. Her smugness fell when the Chief’s voice rumbled beside her, Moblit translating for him as the poor warrior managed to take a seat again after his dance partner let him.

“You don’t dance, Your Highness?”

Oh dear. Oh no. He was asking for a dance?

"My deepest apologies, I wouldn't want to expose my lack of gracefulness in front of my Lord. I am not acquaintanced with the dance moves or songs, and I’m afraid also I only know Gottesreichan court dances.”

Hans watched intently at their interaction, curious as to what her sister was going to do to get out of that one. Normally he would come to her rescue, or Friederich or Flora, but from now on she had to be on her own. The Chief answered and Moblit translated.

“I can teach you.”

Hans saw Eva swallow. There was no way she was getting out of that one, poor thing.

“I–I really don’t want to cause any embarrassment on you–”

“I was told you were a good dancer, though. I’m sure you are a fast learner too, Your Highness.”

The Chief stood up, his form towering over her as he offered his hand. Eva quickly looked at Hans, as if he would try to save her at the last minute, but he pointedly looked another way. Traitor! Eva didn’t have any other option but to accept the invitation and spend the most distressing moment of her life, for now. She heard Levi scoff and shake his head, saying something loud enough for the Chief and Moblit to hear, making the big man huff amusedly and Moblit to sigh.

People were staring, and Eva saw Flora encourage her with excited nods and smiles, mouthing “Go!”, and then “Like the summer solstice dances!”, at her. Friederich fixed a stare at the Chief as he saw his hand settle on the Princess’ waist after guiding Eva’s hand on his shoulder, holding her free hand in his own. The Chief smiled at her, trying to reassure the Princess as he squeezed her hand, and Eva had two swallow down a noise as she noticed how his hand engulfed her own. Even her waist felt small in his grasp.

The Chief gently guided her through the first steps of the dance, swaying and hopping to get used to it, and Eva felt clumsy like a newborn colt trying to follow him. Her nerves were not helping at all, too focused on the feel of his hand on her waist and back, its warmth scorching even through the thick layers of the dress, or the way his chest pressed against her back when the Chief tested the waters when he made her twirl through a step of the dance. Eva maintained her eyes locked on the Chief’s, as one should do when dancing with a partner, and Eva was sure the Chief could clearly see her anguish in them at the thought of either stepping on his foot, or being a poor dance partner, but he only saw genuine amusement in them. Maybe she was not doing that bad.

The music picked up a faster rhythm again, the banquet attendants getting back to their conversations and dancing partners, although curiously keeping an eye on the spectacle of having the Chief dance with the Princess. Eva could feel her uneasiness slip away, her confidence swelling at the thought that her trembling hands hadn't given her anxiety away, and allowed herself to move more freely. It was as Flora said, a dance like the summer solstice dances from Gottesreich where you let joy and music guide you and your partner. Still, the Eldian way of dancing was more wild, less bound and constrained, and more light on the feet, loose.

Feeling how the Princess was less strained and rigid, the Chief increased the speed of his movements too, following the band’s rhythm. He was enticed by the way the skirt of the dress flowed, reminding him of a flower in full bloom moved by a slight breeze, and the way her cheeks were reddened by both the efforts and her own nervousness.

The Chief felt bold, wanting to see how much he could push and test the Princess’ limits for tonight, and encouraged by the clapping of the people and the increased tempo of the song pushing the dancers into a more frenzied section, nearing the end of the song, the Chief made the Princess spin before picking her up in the air. He could see how both his hands practically swallowed her waist, fingers almost brushing against each other, and heard both the excited cheers and whistles from his people and the Princess’ startled gasp, frantically searching a place to find purchase for her hands, finally settling on his shoulders and tightening her grip for dear life, feeling his thick muscles underneath. She was light as a feather, and the thought greatly amused him. The Chief spun them around once, setting her back on her feet and continued to dance, Eva needing to ground herself to the fact that The Chief picked her up as if she weighed nothing, besides the boldness of the act itself. This was unthinkable back at court!

The Chief did it again and Eva wanted the earth to swallow her whole at the tiny, undignified squeak she let out as if she was a scared little mouse. Eva swore she saw him chuckle and the Princess pulled her lips in a tight line, fighting for her cheeks to not redden further.

The song was reaching its climax, the musicians wildly playing their instruments in an intense performance, and in a final spin and hop of the dance the Chief pulled the Princess close, ending the dance with their bodies pressed against each other and not taking their gazes away, staring intently into the other.

The Great Hall erupted with applauses and cheers, everyone taking a moment to step away from their partners, conversations and food to congratulate everyone in the room. Eva was panting, acutely aware of how her chest was squished and pressed against his own as he too tried to regain his breath, hands still clasped together and his other one on her small of the back. Her fabric felt flimsy and thin to her now, as if she was too exposed to his gaze, and Eva wanted to curse Flora for it; she did not need to look down to see how they were pressed upwards, Eva felt it.

Thankfully he stepped back, probably by the murderous glower of Friederich thrown his way, and released her as he respectfully bowed. Eva did the same, lifting her skirts and returning his courtesy. He then gestured to their seats, and Eva was never more grateful or in agreement with the Chief as she was now. She urgently needed to take a seat and process everything. Flora and Friederich did the same, the handmaiden excitedly sitting down and intently looking at the Princess, ready to open her mouth. The Chief speaking stopped her.

“I knew you were a fast learner, Your Highness. It was a beautifully performed dance.” Moblit translated, and both women saw the Chief nod at them both with a pleased smile before drinking from his goblet.

“Thank you for the dance, my Lord, I’m honoured.”

“Although, I never thought a mouse could make such adorable noises.”

Eva wanted to scream.

///

Eva still had the memory of the Chief’s hand on her body, like a scorching imprint deep in her mind. Eva swore her skin still tingled from the contact, even if she was in her nightgown and staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. Her fingers were nervously braiding and unbraiding her hair, going over today’s events and banquet.

Flora was already out like a light, her deep breaths signaling how deep into her slumber she was, and Eva could not blame her. Flora truly tired herself dancing, and Eva did not have the heart to tell her to behave, that was Eva’s job. A perfect pretty puppet. Flora did not represent the virtuousness and regalness of the Holy Kingdom, and Eva preferred it that way; Flora was a free spirit, and Eva would rather have her fly like a free bird than have her caged as herself in her duties.

This was to become Eva’s new life here, living amongst demons. Different place, same cage.

The Princess was not looking forward to the walk around the village that the Chief proposed for tomorrow morning, much preferring to stay in her rooms and scream into her pillow until her vocal chords were sore. She also wasn’t eager to go on the customary hunt the Eldians performed for their brides and grooms in the forest. Whenever Eva had to tag along the hunting trips back at any court, rolling her eyes internally at the nobles and princes showing themselves like peacocks, she was bored out of her mind. The Princess usually sat down at the picnic blanket spread out on the grass and under a tree’s shadow, drinking her cup of coffee with the other ladies and Flora. Eva always zoned out, answering with monosyllables and enough words for the other conversing partner to not feel ignored, as she gazed at the flowers or birds.

Sighing deeply, Eva let go of her hair and shifted to her side, facing the window.

At least the moon was the same.

[arysafics]

prompt: clarke finds bellamys old online dating account thats obvious he hasnt used in forever, but she sees all his preferences are exactly the opposite of her (i.e. tall, brunette etc.) which makes her insecure. then he can convince her she hit him out of nowhere?

haven’t had much time to write lately since i’ve just moved apartments, but here’s a little something to tide you over until i can finish my next proper fic

like a freight train

rated t, ~1.7k words

Clarke hasn’t been on a dating site in forever, so honestly, it’s kind of fun to help Emori set up her profile. Things hadn’t ended well with Murphy, and after a string of Tinder hookups, Emori claims she’s ready to really move on and try a proper dating site, the one Raven met her current boyfriend Shaw on. There’s a sign-up fee and everything.

So Raven and Clarke have had fun picking Emori’s best photos, writing her bio, and selecting all her preferences, while Emori vetoed all their worst suggestions, and now they’re onto the really fun part—vetting the men.

They’re crowded around Emori’s laptop, sitting on her living room floor. A selection of thirty matches have come up for Emori, and the way it works is you don’t actually get to see the guy’s photo unless you agree to the match based solely on his biographical information.

“Why do all men either love fishing or cars?” Clarke asks, after the fourth man Emori has declined based on the fact that he will clearly never love a woman more than he loves his four-wheel drive.

“It would be fine if they had other interests too,” Emori says. “I like cars. And I could like fishing, I don’t know, I’ve never tried it.”

“Ooh, okay, what about this guy?” Raven interjects, then starts reading his bio from the screen.

“Looking for someone like-minded who enjoys fitness and the outdoors, particularly hiking and cycling. I also love kayaking, rock-climbing, soccer, and basketball. Would love to find someone to share those passions with me. I love a woman who can cook, not because I can’t (I can) but because I think great food is a way to share culture, history, and passion.

I want somebody laidback, who isn’t afraid to go with the flow and be spontaneous. I don’t vibe well with people who are intense or highly-strung. I hate country music and refuse to listen to it, yes, that includes Taylor Swift. Especially Taylor Swift.”

Clarke interjects then. “Emori, I don’t know about you, but I could never be with a guy who doesn’t like Taylor Swift.”

“You know I only listen to metal.”

“Shh, I’m not done,” Raven huffs. “Looks aren’t as important, but I’m partial to tall brunettes.”

Clarke snorts out a laugh. “This guy would hate me.”

“Yeah, but he’s perfect for Emori. What do you think, Em?”

“First halfway decent guy, I vote yes.”

Raven, who for some reason is the one in control of the laptop, hits the accept match button. Immediately, the man’s photo and name pops up, and immediately, Clarke’s stomach drops. Raven and Emori both erupt into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Because, of course, it’s Bellamy. Clarke’s very own boyfriend.

“Clarke, you better watch out, Emori’s going to steal your man.”

“He must have lowered his standards since then, Clarke,” Emori jokes. Clarke isn’t laughing.

Actually, quite the opposite. She feels like she might burst into tears. Her chest is all tight, and she knows her reaction is probably unjustified, but she can’t help it.

“Grow up, Clarke,” Raven says, rolling her eyes when she notices Clarke’s expression. “We’re just kidding around.”

“I know,” Clarke snaps. “I don’t care about that.”

“What then?” Emori asks. “You don’t think he’s actually still using this, do you? The photo is obviously so old, he clearly hasn’t been on here in years. Look,” she adds, pointing out the last active section on his profile, “last active 2012.”

Clarke nods, her jaw tight. It’s not that either, but she doesn’t feel like explaining it to her friends. “Yeah, you’re right,” she says, forcing a smile. “I’m being stupid.”

“Exactly,” Raven agrees. “Okay, who’s the next guy?” She turns her attention back to the screen.

“I think I’m going to take off,” Clarke says. “Bellamy gave me a shopping list, I’m supposed to pick some stuff up so he can make dinner.”

“Okay, whatever,” Raven says. “See you later. We’ll let you know if Emori finds the love of her life.”

Clarkes picks herself up off the floor, says a quick goodbye and hurries out of there. She’s not really in the mood anymore.

She does Bellamy’s grocery shopping on the way home, taking longer than she needs to, because for once she’s actually not eager to see him. The things he wrote in his dating profile haunt her. How is it possible that when he described his ideal woman, he described the exact opposite of Clarke? If those are the things he wants, what is he even doing with her?

She’s not tall, or brunette, for starters. Clarke hates fitness and the outdoors, and she especially hates sports. She’s not a terrible cook, but she’s not exactly Masterchef material, and she doesn’t enjoy it, just does it out of necessity. She’s intense, and uptight, and high-maintenance—and she fucking loves Taylor Swift.

Emori was right, Bellamy clearly lowered his standards.

She makes it home eventually, and Bellamy is already in the kitchen, getting dinner prepped. He’s got on his navy apron, that Clarke bought for him, with his name specially embroidered on the front.

Clarke dumps the bags of groceries on the counter, and Bellamy looks up from where he’s chopping onions, and gives her a heart-melting smile.

“Just in time,” he says, putting the knife down and wiping his hands on his apron. He reaches for her, with the clear intent of kissing her, but Clarke pulls away from him, still hurt from reading his old dating profile. His wounded expression makes her feel a little guilty, but not enough to overshadow her dejection.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Clarke takes a deep breath. She has to talk about the calmly and maturely—they promised each other they always would. No passive-aggressive comments, or screaming matches, or walking out in silence because of a lack of proper communication. That’s how Clarke’s last relationship ended.

“Raven and I were helping Emori set up a dating profile today,” she explains. “And one of her matches was you.”

Bellamy hesitates, and she can see the gears turning in his head. “And you think…I’m still on dating sites?” he guesses. “I’m not, Clarke, I promise. I was on a few back in my twenties. I guess I didn’t delete all of them.”

“No, I know,” Clarke says. “It’s not that. It’s—it’s what you said in your bio. About what kind of woman you want.”

Bellamy groans. “Did I say something grossly offensive and misogynistic? If so, Murphy probably wrote it, he was helping me out with them.”

Clarke shakes her head. “It was all perfectly respectable. It’s just—it wasn’t me.”

Bellamy stares at her. “Well—I didn’t know you then.”

“No, but you seemed pretty certain about what you wanted. A fit, tall, brunette, who loves sports and cooking and sucking your dick.”

“I’m sure I didn’t say that last one. Besides, you do love sucking my dick.”

“That’s not the point,” Clarke huffs. “The woman you want is the complete opposite of me. Why are you even with me, when you could have anyone you want?”

Her voice cracks on the last sentence, and the tears spill over. She tries to blink them away to save herself the embarrassment, but it’s no use.

“Clarke, baby,” Bellamy says, all gentle and loving. He pulls her into his arms, and she lets him. There’s nothing more comforting than his embrace, even if he’s partly the reason she’s upset.

“I have exactly who I want,” he says. “All that other stuff is meaningless, just dot points on a list I thought I could check off and magically find the perfect partner. I was what, twenty-five? And a complete idiot. I didn’t know what I wanted.”

“But I’m not laid back or fun, and I don’t go hiking with you, or canoeing or whatever,” she sobs into his chest.

Bellamy kisses the top of her head, then pulls her back so he can look into her eyes. “Truth is, I once thought that stuff mattered. I was counting on meeting that woman, I was on every dating site, looking for her. But then I met you, and there was no magic dating algorithm that could have predicted that. You hit me like a fucking freight train, Clarke. As soon as I met you, I knew I was done for. You’re it, you’re absolutely it for me. I love your intensity, I love that you care so much, that you’re so organised. I love how you pretend to care about sports for me. I love cooking for you, knowing how much you appreciate it because you hate doing it yourself. I love you. I love you. Understand?”

Clarke nods, and she’s absolutely bawling now, but for entirely different reasons. He’s said he loves her a million times, of course, and she loves hearing it. But he’s never laid it out quite like that—never had the reassurance of him telling her he loves her exactly as she is, not in spite of her faults but because of them.

“You’re still crying,” he says worriedly. “Do you still not believe me? Because—”

Clarke cuts him off with a wet kiss, still half crying. He’s too surprised to kiss her back properly before she pulls away. “I love you too,” she says.

He nods, a little bewildered.

“I love you,” she repeats, kissing him again, and this time he kisses her back. “I love you, I love you, more than you will ever know.”

He brushes his nose against hers, then presses his lips against her tear-stained cheek. “I think I might have some idea,” he whispers.

“You know, in your dating profile,” Clarke murmurs, “you also said you hate Taylor Swift.”

Bellamy chuckles. “Well, you definitely fixed that,” he says. “Is that what you were really upset about? Did I not sing every lyric when we went on that road trip and you played nothing but Taylor Swift?”

“Good point,” Clarke says. “I think I’m definitely a good influence on you.”

“Definitely,” Bellamy agrees. “Now, back to Emori’s dating profile—you know this is going to crush Murphy, right?”

[mystech-master]

F/GO High School/Modern AU BS

Me and @rex101111 have been talking about a modern/HS AU ft. as many Chaldean servants as possible. Here are the ideas we came up with (I am pretty much cut and pasting our message convo, so this is a mixture of both me and Rex's ideas):

Gil is the douchbag Senior everyone hates but his dad owns the school or whatever so he can do whatever he wants. The only decent person who willingly hangs out with him is his childhood friend Enkidu who's hoping he can un-douch his bro. He has kid Gil as his little brother and Caster Gil as his older bro who both agree that he sucks (Gil is the loser middle child of the family), Caster Gil wonders what Enkidu sees in his shit head brother. "He's too good for you." "Blow it out your ass." "One day he's going to wise up, see how much of a shit you are, and when you're all alone don't come crying to me." Caster Gil is in college studying political science, Kid Gil goes to a fancy boarding school. Archer Gil goofs off and throws parties

Scathach is a swimming class teacher, mainly b/c I recall underwater training being a part of Cu's regiment under her tutelage. People were jealous of the Cus for like two seconds when they find out the swim teacher is their mom, then they see her having them do an extra twenty laps and ignoring when OG Cu starts floating in the water. "CU DIED!" "YOU'RE NOT HUMAN!" while Scathach is like "you have two seconds to stop playing around before I ACTUALLY drown you" and he's back to doing laps.

Yeah with 4-5 Cus (if you count Setanta from Arcade) that is like 5 brothers.

Nightingale as school nurse, she is friends with Asclepius who works at a hospital associated with the school (strictly professional, but the students think otherwise).

Side note, keep in mind you can have multiple servants be the same type of teacher, just for different classes/grades.

King Hassan is the old Religious History teacher. Every one thinks he's older then the rock is the school is made out of. He has a scary face and a scarier voice but most students consider him the most fair and patient teacher in the whole school. He always gets a lot of food gifts before Ramadan form the students. (A few students, such as the Guda twins and Mash, call him gramps.) The other Hassans are his grandkids, like actual grandkids. He's super strict with them because he expects a lot from them. He always praises them when they do well though. He made sure they ALL got into his class and they've been living in fear ever since. They love their grandpa but by Allah they know not to disappoint him. The only one to ever get out of anything is kid Hassan (one of the hundred face). Cursed Arm is oldest, then Asako (the main hundred face), then Serenity.

"I am very disappointed in ALL of you, have you all lost your heads? I swear I-*to kid Hassan*-ah no Habibi not you you're fine here have a candy-*back to the rest*-I KNOW you're better than this!"

VERY traditional guy, Cursed Arm mutters "Oh for God's sake" while doing a pop quiz and King Hassan looms over him and growls, "No Blaspheming In This Class Room"

For the various Artoria/Arturias, I imagined Lancer and Lancer Alter being sisters, so Saber Alter is a cousin. That leaves everyone else to just be sisters with one brother. Mother Lartoria owns a casino and gas her own yacht in reference to the summer event where she became a Ruler. If you want MHX could be a part of the family as a massive fucking Star Wars nerd. MHXX and MHX Alter are her mom and sister (so MHXX is a third sister for the two Lancer Artorias)

For Irisviel, I remember in one of the Nero Fest things that she was called Therapist Iri. Maybe she starts to get into that b/c she wants to help her adoptive son Shirou (instead of a big fire like in Zero it can be an orphanage fire thing, similar situation but a much smaller scale) , so she is the school therapist/psychiatrist. Like Maruki in P5 Royal.

Iskandar died in his 30s, Waver is around his 30s as Lord El Melloi II. The two are old college friends who still hang out and Alexander is Iskandar’s kid.

If you guys want you can see this as the two being gay dads since I know that ship is popular.

Fran had an abusive father before Babbage and Moriarty got involved. In the og story, Frankenstien has a scientific mindset like his creator, here Fran has a talent in the field, but she also hates it b/c it reminds her of him. Like imagine being talented at the thing your abusive parent was good at/known for. Moriarty tried to get it into her that SHE'S the one with the talent, not her college dropout bum of a father, "From you tell me of him Victor couldn't engineer his way out of an argument with a cat, you have a magnificent mind my dear, not letting it flourish to spite him would be a horrible waste...it's your talent, your skill. Not his." He smiles that smile she loves that scares every one but she knows he only smiles like that when he is absolutely convinced of something, "and you can out perform him without breaking a sweat."

Moriarty teaches Fran sign language while Babbage teaches her some engineering.

Jekyll is going for a major in medicine with a minor in law (in the actual irl story Dr. Jekyll was a doctor in medicine and law).

For science associated servants, you got da Vinci, Babbage, Edison, and Tesla as possible science teachers.

The Jeanne sisters. Without the Avenger BS, the reason Jalter (or Joan as one series of fics calls her) could hate her here is just inferiority complex and being compared to her perfect saint big sister all her life. Joan does have her talents, based on the summer event an, but again she doesn't acknowledge her own talent b/c of her always being compared to her older sister., in the 7 counterfeit events she is a really good artist. And it is the typical thing of Jeanne actually being scared out of her wits of being less than perfect because of all the expectations thrust on her. She gets one A- and runs to the bathroom crying and Joan has to swallow her pride and actually have a conversation with her sister for the first time in years. Jeanne Alter lily puts up Christmas decorations super early, much to Jeanne Alter/Joan's displeasure.

"IT JUST TURNED NOVEMBER CHILL TF OUT!"

"CHRISTMAS!"

Martha is Jeanne's BF since middle school and has this HUGE dog that scares everyone and growls at anyone expect Martha and Jeanne. She calls him Terry.

Rex loves Penthesilea. and we talked at length about the situation between her and Achilles. Can you not tell that he likes a woman who can kick his ass *gestures to all of his Baiken posts*

Rex's idea: I think they had a fight when they were little and Achilles, being a little shit back then, made fun of her for being a girl, and Penth has been sore about it ever since. She keeps running into big misogynistic meatheads that reminded her of that and she just got angrier over the years. She's a wrestler and can knock out just about every dude in school by herself. Achilles is very regretful about back then and wants to apologize but Penth ain't having any of it.

My idea: I thought they were on opposing HS sports teams and when Achilles handed her ass to her he forgot to drink his respect women juice and then Penth got all pissed.

In this AU, Penth and Hippolyta's dad was a general who taught them how to kick the ass of men twice their size since they were seven or something.

Penth surprises everyone when a festival comes up and she gets picked to be the one to organize everything...and does a spectacular job. Another surprise is that she plans on being a business major when she goes to college (Obligatory Amazoness CEO jokes)

Bedivere is the Arturia Pendragon family butler with a prosthetic arm. He's also the security guard, last guy that tried to steal something or cause trouble got slapped right out of the window he sneaked in from.

Francis Drake and Artoria Alter Lancer are work friends (referencing them both being associated with the Wild Hunt in F/GO's lore).

Beni-Enma is the short and shorter tempered lunch lady, last kid who mouthed off at her during lunch got smacked upside the head with her spoon. She's sweet, but if you're in detention and have to help her in the kitchen she's a mini Gorden Ramsey, "IT'S RAW DECHI!!!" She can also come into the home EC class where Shirou is her best student. Also her roasting of the other girls like in her quest. Getting Fs in Beni's class is the worst, because it isn't just an F, it's a meticulous dressing down of exactly why letting into a kitchen should be considered a war crime, dechi.

The three Avenger Nobus are three different people. 1st Ascension is basically Archer Nobu, then you got Oda Kipposhi, and then the mom is Ascension 3 with Demon King Nobunaga. The youngest Ascension 1 Nobu is a musician. Demon King Nobu is one of those "super scary but also super polite people that only makes them scarier" type, basically a female koei Nobunaga from samurai warriors (check out some cutscenes form the games with him, he's a treat).

Imagine Demon King Nobu mom in a business suit.

Suzuka Gozen and Sei Shonagon are the textaholics who always talk in slang to the point of it sounding like they speak a different language. Murasaki is the librarian but Sei is like that ONE student who just makes her job so much harder.

Every week it's "No phones in the library Miss Shonagon." while Sei rolls her eyes and types out twitter post like "fugly ol librarian at my school needs a life lol"

Oui Katsushika is a gifted art student, and her dad (not a floating little octopus), is just a normal dude with a squid/octopus like beard. She's the teacher's pet in De Vinci's art class.

Eresh and Ishtar come from a rich family, Ereshkigal is the older sister so she had a shit load of responsibility to take over the family business while Ishtar basically gets to party her life away. Rin is the cousin they each try and swing their way. Eresh wants Rin to keep up her studies and get into a good university, Ishtar wants Rin to loosen the fuck up and admit that she likes that scrawny Emiya kid already.

BB is the host of a talk show downtown so she is kind of an absentee mom. Meltryllis has prosthetic legs that she specifically asked to be made into stilts b/c she wanted to be taller, and Passonlip has a massive rack that makes life difficult (either people staring, people assuming she's gonna be a home wrecker b/c said staring must be intentional, etc.), and of course he also has prosthetic arms to match her canon claws, obviously not as massive.

Hijikata is a very serious police officer but his wife Carmilla just uses this to have fun in the bedroom. They have two Dobermans. Hijikata's route has him patrolling near the school so most of the kids know as that scary police dude that has a picture of his wife in his pocket. One day a famous Idol called Eli-chan~ (yes spelled with the ~) is about to perform in the town and the kids can't stop talking about her, so Hijikata overhears. But, being the serious dude he is he shrugs it off until he sees a picture of this "Eli-chan~" and realizes it's his sister-in-law that came to visit and suddenly the influx of parasitic paparazzi near his house start making sense.

Carmilla: "Now you see why I hate them?", Hijikata: "No you cannot send the dogs after them honey."

She almost ran one of them over in her, very expensive, car and when that reporter says she should be locked up Hijikata corrects that would only happen if she had hit him...and she would be fined. For littering.

Okita Alter being Hijikata's partner, while Okita is her younger sister who's looked up to Hijikata since she was a little kid but she has asthma and such so she's afraid she might not get accepted.

Sigurd owns a metalworks shop (referencing his myth where he was raised by the dwarf Reginn), he met his wife Brynhildr when she was disowned by her overly controlling father.

Ozymandias, Nitocris, and Cleopatra are all the high board members of a company. Nitocris specifically got wind of Scheherazade's abusive husband situation and after getting said husband arrested, she offered Scheherazade a job.

Atalanta is a college student/TA who worked with Achilles' dad who ends up at their HS for a program or something, Achilles' dad has told him a lot about her.

Amakusa Shirou is an uncle married to the CEO of Babylon Gardens Pharmaceuticals, Semiramis. Semiramis herself is kinda chill if REALLY scary. She had to be pretty cutthroat to get to her position in the company, but Amakusa Shirou helped her mellow out, but she is still a massive tsundere.

"You know you COULD poison their lunch." "Semi, dear, I'm not going to poison my coworker's sandwich for being an ass." "It wouldn't kill them! Just a bit in their peanut better and they'll be stuck on the toilet for a week, no harm no foul."

Rex initially said Taiga would be an overly enthusiastic gym teacher but then I remembered that she was a homeroom/English teacher in Fate canon, but either or can do if you wanna be unique.

For Quetzalcoatl, Wrestling club supervisor when she isn't the senior year gym teacher. Some of the male students laughed that they didn't think a woman would know anything about wrestling. Two piledrives later, the students have earned a new appreciation for the importance on how not to be two pieces of shit. She's big on Lucha as in canon and during Halloween she gets JAGUARMAN to have an exhibition fight with her. They make a show of it but later on Taiga admits that Quatz could have CRUSHED her if they were actually fighting. She takes the wrestling club out for homemade Mexican food after tournaments

For Siduri, there's a bunch of rumors she's dating Caster Gil but it's strictly professional, Caster respects her too much to consider that. Archer Gil hits on her relentlessly, she manages to wound his ego more severely then anyone else simply by being unfailingly polite in her rejections and treating him like what he is, a teenage punk jumping higher than he can handle to land.

Ibaraki is Shuten's adoptive little sister after she was taken from an abusive mother, hence why Ibaraki looks up to her. Ibuki is either Shuten's big sister who had to take on a guardian role, or just her mom. Shuten and Ibuki have a bit of a strained relationship because Shuten saw the way Ibuki acted as they grew up, taking more and more responsibilities onto herself and refusing any distractions. And she decided that her biggest nightmare is to wake up one morning and realize she's turned into Ibuki so she tries to do everything to avoid that, hence their relationship not being the best. Ibaraki is kinda stuck in the middle because she wants to side with Shuten but she sees where Ibuki is coming from. Messy.

Caren is still Kotomine’s daughter, but he isn’t a good dad and in rebellion she sleeps around despite being a woman of god. Including sleeping with local punk Angra Mainyu. Angra Mainyu seems like a bad guy but he has a shit load of issues due to being blamed for everything going wrong in his old town, eventually coming to believe them and thinking he will cause nothing but problems. Caren banging him gives him a type of closeness he’s never felt, but under very warped circumstances.

For the Tamamo family, Vitch totally fucked her way up a corporate ladder or something, imagined Tamamo Cat working at a Cat Cafe if she were a Student. Tamamo no Mae accidentally fed her prev BF a food he was allergic too, and that kind of haunted her and scared her rep. IDK basically she seriously fucked up a previous relationship, either on purpose or accidentally, and that kind of hurts her deeply so she wants to start over with Hakuno.

Nero and Tamamo no Mae are rivals over this one guy.

Kiichi Hougen is the adoptive mom, Benkei is the family friend/uncle, Taira is Ushiwaka's older sister. Taira isn't on the best of terms with her family, some drama way back caused a rift and nowadays Ushi is the only one who's willing to talk to her and visit. Benkei never lets her go alone because he doesn't trust Taira one bit. Taira and Ushiwaka are Kintoki and Tomoe's cousins (I say Tomoe b/c apparently her husband and Ushiwaka were half cousins, with their grandpa having kids with their grandmas. I tried to make a whole family tree out of a few servants).

These are the ideas we had the most to talk about, if you guys have any suggestions for your fav servants in this AU, let either me or Rex know. Or just reblog and say them here. Who knows maybe you have a much better idea for a Servant we already mentioned.

[whump-town]

Fic idea for your consideration: somewhat non-cannon because I think Emily owned property before she bought that brownstone... but what if that brownstone is her first purchase and she feels kinda weird buying it without a partner the way she thought her first home purchase would be. Cue Hotch making her feel better about it.

[I’m fairly certain that I understood your idea but if I didn’t just let me know :)]

“Penny for your thoughts?”

It’s ten o’clock at night and the bullpen is cast in darkness aside from Emily Prentiss’s desk lamp. So, rightfully, she thought she was alone. That is until her stupidly tall unit chief comes stalking into the bullpen. Making no noise.

“We need to get you a collar,” she says with a shake of her head. Her heart is racing, pounding against the palm she presses to her sternum. “Jeez,” she grunts, letting her hand fall back down to her desk. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” she chides with no real heat. 

More surprising than Hotch’s ability to sneak up on her is the smile he cracks. “I’m sure Sergio has one that I can borrow,” he says far too matter-of-factly considering what it is that he’s suggesting. 

Emily blanches at him, more than a little surprised. “Did you-- Did you just make a joke?” She chuckles dryly. He’s such a strange man. In the same breath that she feels off about his joke, she feels like she’s just seen a special feature film. Hotch’s jokes come so rarely and far between, often so dry that they crack and go unnoticed, that she’s afraid she’ll never see it again. So does she reward the behavior or tell him how odd it is to hear him crack a joke?

“Are you done here,” he asks, stepping up to her desk. He lifts the cover of her case, giving it an approving nod. “There’s a sandwich place downtown, I was gonna stop and catch a late dinner.”

Again, it’s ten o’clock at night. “What kind of sandwich shop is open at ten on a Saturday night?” However, after spending her week eating crappy food from vending machines it’s sounding pretty good. He’s convinced her and he hasn’t even laid out his best argument. 

Admittedly, he really doesn’t feel like dining alone.

Hotch takes her inquiry as a yes because that’s, essentially, what it is. “It mostly gets cadets and a few college students,” he admits. It wasn’t around when he was a part of either of those groups but he can still appreciate a good late-night sandwich. Especially, with the way, he forgets to take breaks. “I would understand if you’d rather go home though. It’s late and the kids at the shop have a tendency to be pretty nosey.”

Emily rises to her feet with an eye-roll. “Hotch, I didn’t die and come back from the dead to abide by societal standards on when I should eat my meals.” She smiles when he hands her bag to her. He can be a bit uptight but he’s a gentleman and she can appreciate that. “Besides,” she adds, “I’ve never said no to a sandwich in my life. I’m not going to start now.”

He lets himself laugh with her. Not all that long ago, he almost lost her. He wants to enjoy her company just as much as he wants to get to the bottom of whatever’s bothering her. And he plans to do just that. “I can drive,” he offers, knowing that she drove to work too. He’s really just buying time… time with her that he’s afraid is coming to an end.

Emily blows a breath out her mouth, slow but steady. She’s heavily considering it.

“I’ll pick you up in the morning,” he offers, “and we can stop for coffee.”

She snaps her finger, “sold!” She motions in front of her, comically allowing him to lead the way. 

While she’d hoped that a sandwich and some small talk would deter her spiraling thoughts. 

It doesn’t.

She just sits in his car and thinks about the family he had. Haley and Jack. His marriage wasn’t the world’s happiest but Haley and Hotch loved one another. He had someone to come home to. That’s more than she can say she ever had. 

These thoughts plague her past the car ride and she finds that he’s mumbled something to her multiple times now and she’s been too far gone to notice. 

As they take their seats at the diner, opposing sides of a booth, Hotch sighs. “What did I tell you?” He means, of course, the two other groups in the shop. One of the kids is definitely a cadet, there’s something spectacularly star struck about the grin on the young woman’s face. It’s hard to tell, which one of them is causing said reaction. 

While her name may be the stuff of urban legend, his comes with his tricky career. Cadets are taught about the woman who infiltrated a unit renowned for studying human behavior. The only person to ever have her name and face placed on the wall of the fallen and taken down. While they teach his name alongside George Foyet-- the gift that keeps on giving. Cadets know, in intimate detail, what Foyet did to Hotch. 

He’s a lesson.

She’s a legend.

“So,” Hotch brushes his hands off. He’d torn into his own sandwich while her own had garnered only a little bit of her attention. She can’t stop thinking about the cadets and the students watching them. There seems to be a median of reactions and she knows that has to do with their attire, their jobs, and their names. 

“Buyers regret,” he recalls, frowning as his fingers work to undo his tie. To her shock, she sits and watches as SSA Aaron Hotchner is torn apart leaving only Aaron with slightly tousled hair and loosened collar. “Dave thinks you’re planning on leaving. Morgan knows you’re stalling. Reid’s... He’s certain you’ll ask for reassignment.”

Reassignment?

She shakes her head. Profilers, man, they suck. 

Hotch sighs, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table. “I think they’re probably right,” he surmises. 

Emily winces. Now, she can’t lie to him. She pops a french fry in her mouth, buying herself time but looking incredibly guilty in doing so. “It’s about the brownstone,” she admits, playing with another fry so that she doesn’t have to look at him. “I just… It feels wrong, you know?”

He wishes he understood. He wants to offer her that comfort but he doesn’t understand. Her emotions, everything concerning her lately, has been pulled away. She’s guarded, even to him and JJ, and he can’t say he blames her. “I’m afraid I don’t,” he replies. “I’m willing to try, though, if you’re willing to explain.” 

Emily keeps her eyes lowered to the table, unable to meet his eyes knowing that they’re going to be burning with compassion. To think there was once a point in their lives that they hated the simple sight of one another. Only to end up here. 

The only thing holding them together these days. 

“I’m almost forty years old,” she admits sheepishly, rubbing at her cheek. She knows that he’s not a misogynist. So he’s not going to think it’s silly or childish that she planned out her wedding before she was even ten and thought she had her life planned out. 

Yet, when she meets his eyes all she can think about is that he probably had plans for forty-five too. 

Probably thought he’d still be married to his high-school sweetheart with three or four kids. Things wouldn’t be perfect but he’d have a family too. He’d have more to come home to than his dead ex-wife’s sister and his son. Not that he ever complains.

Now he’s raising an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to fill him in. Informing him of her age isn’t connecting the dots and he’s starting to think he’s missed something. Her birthday isn’t for a few more months. So, he knows that’s not it.

“I thought I would have a family,” she whispers, grimacing when she blushes. “I thought I would be married and I’d have kids.” She’s afraid to see his reaction to her words. To her surprise, the corners of his mouth have fallen into a deep frown. His eyes have moved to the table but he’s not mad. He’s not even upset, he’s just thinking. 

She sucks in a breath, fumbling to amend whatever she’s said to throw him for a loop. “I mean, it’s kind of selfish--”

“It isn’t.” His voice is deep, thick with the emotion he means to punch into the statement. “It’s not selfish to want a family, Emily.” He manages a small smile her way but his eyes are still pulled down by the weight of the topic at hand. Reaching up he rubs at his jaw, shaking his head as he thinks of something to say. “What does that have to do with the brownstone though?”

She grimaces. She was kind of hoping he’d put that together by himself and spare her the explanation. Clearing her throat and pulling her hands under the table to hide any tells he might see she manages. “I’ve never bought a home before,” she glances up for his immediate reaction before dropping her eyes back down. “I always… I just let myself down, Hotch. I just bought my first house but I don’t even have a partner to move into it with.”

He can see her tears swelling up in her eyes so he reaches across the table, resting his palm upright on the table for her to take. She looks up at him and then down at his hand and back at him again. He raises an eyebrow, silently waiting for her to take it. 

Hesitantly, she places her hand over his. 

“Emily,” he says softly. “There’s no right way to do any of this.” He motions vaguely around them, meaning not just her brownstone problem but life in general. He gives her hand a soft squeeze. “If it did, I imagine…” his immediate thought goes to Haley. If things had gone down as he planned… Well, things wouldn’t be as they are now. He shakes his head clear of that thought. “Things wouldn’t the same,” he decides. “We probably wouldn’t be a sandwich shop at eleven o’clock at night, that’s for sure.”

Emily nods her head. Good point. She’d be at home with a husband and kids to spend the night with. Not hanging out with her boss-- who doubles as one of her few friends-- and the only person waiting for her being a spoiled cat. “Rossi would probably still have his handful of divorces though,” she says with a shrug.

Hotch chuckles, “oh yeah.”

Pulling back to their respective sides of the table, Hotch turns his attention back to his food. He’s starving and he looks up to find Emily’s going back to own food as well. 

“I can-- I can put together IKEA furniture,” he offers lamely, after a moment. “I mean, I put together Jack’s crib and toddler bed…” Not to mention the half-dozen times he’s had to move over the last decade. He’s assembled his share of furniture.

She laughs as his weak offer to help but appreciates it none-the-less. “Morgan already promised he’d do that,” she tells him. She’s smiling but his shoulder’s drop a little as his only chance to help is kindly brushed away. Quickly, she adds, “but you and Jack can come by and I can bastardize one of Dave’s recipes to better suit the tastebuds of a five-year-old?”

He smiles, nodding. “I’ll bring wine and promise not to tell Dave you messed with one of his recipes.” 

Emily rolls her eyes. Dave loves her but he might also beat her if he were to find out she regularly adds and takes things out of his recipes. She smiles at Hotch, already excited to have Jack over. “It’s a date then.”

He nods his head, a date indeed.

[doyouever-daydream]

I’m every woman.

A/N So today is the International Women’s Day and I felt inspired to write something, I tried to incorporate as many women that appeared on Criminal Minds but failed to include them all. I’m going to start writing reader insert imagines for my CM Bingo prompts so SSA y/n y/l makes her first appearance here. 

Today I’ll be attending my first Women’s March so that obvioulsy inspired this imagine, if any of you are going to the Women’s March please be safe and thank you for taking the streets and suppporting the cause (the current situation in my country is pretty fucked up so this year is even more important to me to try and do anything I can so women can have the same rights as any human being)

English is not my first language and although I love writing and spent most of my teenage years writing fanfiction, everything I wrote was in Spanish so it took me years to finally decide to post my writing in another language, I’m still super insecure but I want to share it so, apologies for any mistakes (also it is currently 3:00 AM so I am practically writing with my eyes closed), I believe it is important for women to speak up and take actions so they can be heard and there are equal rights so that’s how this imagine was inspired. Also these female characters have inspired me as a woman so I hope you can enjoy this! 

Warnings: I mean I don’t think this qualifies as warning but talks of feminism

Word count: 2201

“I’m every woman, it’s all in me, anything you want done baby, I’ll do it naturally.”

It was a Saturday night and Chaka Khan’s song played in the background at Penelope’s and Luke’s apartment, it was a special girl’s night, all of them, even Kristy was there while Matt and Luke baby sat the kids.

“Wine and sign making? This is my kind of girl’s night!” Garcia was ecstatic that all of them were going to the Women’s March.

“I know! Although I’m not sure I’m creative enough to do this” JJ stared at her blank poster.

“Come on, JJ, you can do this! Put feminist AF” Emily was already a little tipsy and was clueless as to what her sign would say but she was excited.

“Actually yeah, I think something like that will be fine, what about you, Tara?” JJ looked at Tara who looked as if she was struggling to decide.

“I don’t know, there’s so much I would like to say but unfortunately I can’t write an entire sermon”

“Same, girl, I’m so torn up, not only about what to write but how to decorate, Garcia here has like a million of art supplies we could use, I’m about to turn up a 9 year old and put glitter on all of your signs.” y/n grabbed one of Garcia’s boxes an eyed the glitter selection her dear friend pulled out.

“YES! Glitter and colors and stickers and ugh, I love you y/n, let’s throw biodegradable glitter as a protest!” Penelope hugged y/n while the rest of the gang decided what to put.

“I’ll need your help with Chloe’s and Lily’s signs! So Penelope and y/n, unleash all of your creativity on her signs” y/n smirked.

“I already know what I’ll write for one of them, tell me what you think, girls just wanna have fun” She paused “…damental human rights”

“I HATE YOU, you should’ve told me to put that” JJ teased.

“I’ll be honest and say that I saw it on instagram but thought it would be cute to put it on one of the girl’s sign.” y/n confessed while she started drawing on her poster.

“She’s drawing already, man, I wish I was as artsy as you are” Tara tried to see what she was drawing but couldn’t make a figure just yet.

“Oh, oh, OH, I got it, y/n will not be the only one using music” JJ started writing on her poster “Check this out” She lifted up her poster that read ‘ok, ladies, now let’s get in formation’.

“I still think you should add my idea” Emily laid comfortably in Penelope’s couch while seeing her friends work on her signs and siping on her glass of wine. “We should’ve brought donuts”

“Oh, I can call someone to pick up some” Penelope already had her phone and was, apparently, sending a text.

“Who else is coming? I thought it was only us?” y/n asked while she kept drawing.

“I invited an old friend but she only just told me she could make it” Now everyone was eyeing Garcia while she smiled proudly.

“Who? Linda Barnes?” Emily’s sarcasm had everyone laughing.

“Nope, but it’s a surprise, let’s continue please.”

“You know what? I already know what I’m gonna put on mine, back when I worked in San Francisco, I had this really annoying co worker, whose name I can’t remember but he was a pain in the ass that constantly went around joking with everyone in the office about how I had the biggest case of resting bitch face, not only did I have to endure that but also his misogynistic jokes” When Tara finished writing on her poster she showed it to her friends.

Resisting

Bitch

Face.

“I’m gonna decorate the shit out of it now” She proceeded to grab cut outs from magazines that Garcia had.

“I love it Tara, and I love being here with you, thanks for counting me in Penelope” Kristy was happy to hang out with these women that she considered her friends.

“Nonsense, you’re part of the girl power gang, we’re family, now, what do you think about my progress?” Everyone turned to see Garcia’s sign, it read: destroy the patriarchy, not the planet.

“Penelope Grace Garcia, you are perfect” y/n stated and everyone agreed with her.

“It’s totally you.”

“Ah, see? Baby girl is a great feminist and ambientalist” Penelope smiled proudly while she painted flowers.

“You know? I’m inspired, I’m gonna start working on that sign, that is until the donuts arrive” Emily sat straight while she put the glass on Garcia’s coffee table and then went to get her poster.

“I finished mine” Kristy said proudly while she held her sign up: ‘women belong in all places where decisions are being made’

“You are a genius, woman” JJ was in awe of all her friends.

“I love it, Kristy” y/n finally speaked up after being very focused designing her sign “I know I’ve told you this many times but growing up I was a tomboy, I loved playing in the dirt, climbing trees, playing I was a spy, I had bunch of guy friends, I loved, I still love baseball with my life, and other sports, I truly believe ‘all clothes are unisex if you stop being a little bitch about it’ and because of that I’ve had to put up with a million comments about how ‘weird’ I am because despite all of that I also like wearing makeup and other ‘feminine stuff’, I grew up being an ‘enigma’ to some people because I like boy stuff and girls stuff and I always hated when they told me bullshit like that, I always refused to accept there were stuff for girls and boys, now after giving you this lecture as if I was presenting my dissertation, look at my sign”

I eat gender norms for breakfast

y/n accompanied the quote with a drawing of a cereal box adorned with blue and pink glitter.

“SLAY” Emily cheered. “I feel you, y/n, I grew up speaking my mind and sometimes that wasn’t well received because I wasn’t a man, it drove me insane, it still does, as much as the brass wants to believe they are ok with having women in charge, they’re not completely convinced, you know?”

“You are a total boss bitch, and we love you” Tara commented while she raised her glass.

“Yes, Emily Prentiss, one day you’ll be THE boss bitch of the FBI, I know it” y/n added as the doorbell rang.

“Ooh, my surprise for you is here” Penelope hurried to the door and when she opened it she shrieked in delight when she saw Alex Blake standing there.

“Hello ladies” She entered the apartment and went to say hi to everyone, introducing Kristy to their former teammate, since she was the only one that did not know her, Prentiss had met her before and y/n was also familiar with her as they’ve worked together when y/n worked for the Crisis Negotiation Unit.

“It’s so nice to see you, Alex, how you’ve been?” JJ asked while offering her a glass of wine.

“Great, I am back teaching at Georgetown, James is also teaching there and we’re very happy to be back from Massachusetts”

After catching up with Alex’s life and the rest of them trying to sum up everything the BAU had been through during her absence time flew by quickly.

“I can’t believe you didn’t joined the BAU when I was there, it would’ve been incredible to work with you Tara, you as well, y/n” She smiled fondly at the two women she had known for the longest time out of the rest.

“It’s known to everyone that has worked with me that I learned so much from the both of you, I can’t believe that now you are my friends and here we are, making signs for the Women’s March”

“Hearing you talk about working together at the BAU almost makes me want to join you, girls” Kristy joked “If only the cases you worked weren’t so dark” They all laughed.

“There have been incredible ladies in that unit” y/n admired the women that had been before.

“I remember when Elle Greenaway joined the BAU boys club and I wasn’t so lonely during our cases anymore”

“I miss Elle so much” Garcia sighed while she reminisced on her friend that grew apart from them.

“I never got to work with her during her time in the Bureau but I heard she was a badass” y/n said wondering what had happened to her.

“She was” JJ added.

“Talking about awesome BAU ladies, the other day I saw Jordan, remember her?” Emily looked at Penelope and JJ.

“No way! I haven’t seen her since she came to our rescue when I was on maternity leave”

“I’ve seen her a couple times, she’s worked her way up, I think she’s also unit chief but I can’t remember which unit, she also has an adorable son, once we bumped into each other and showed me some pictures”

“Ashley Seaver also worked briefly with the BAU, didn’t she?” y/n asked.

“Oh yeah, Seaver! She was nice” Emily said.

“Reid had a crush on her” And as soon as those words came out of Penelope’s mouth she regretted them, she didn’t want to make y/n uncomfortable, not that y/n and Reid were anything but Garcia knew they were pining for each other but were too stubborn to act on their feelings.

“I know her, we’re not friends friends but I like her very much, we have some mutual friends, she’s married now, still working for the FBI at a field office” y/n said making a mental note to call her soon.

“Isn’t it amazing knowing how many women are kicking ass in their jobs and making our country a better place?” Kristy said.

“You’re a part of that change Kristy, you should’ve worked at the FBI”

“Oh no, just one FBI agent is enough in our family but thank you for the trust, now I need ideas for the girls signs, y/n has already helped me with one but I still have one to go”

“What about fight like a girl? Matt has told me how much Lily loves Taekwondo” JJ suggested.

“Actually that’s perfect” Kristy went to write that on the poster her little girl would be holding during the march.

“You know, tomorrow Lily and Chloe will not be alone, Kate is bringing Kelly along with her and Meg.”

“I wished she was here” JJ really wanted to see Kate, it had been a while since she had seen her.

“She had to cancel last minute, poor Kelly has a stomach bug” Penelope lamented their friend couldn’t joined them.

“Alex, do you know what you’re putting on your sign?” Tara questioned.

“Actually yeah, I’ve thought about it all the way here, let me get on with it so we can help you clean and then we continue talking?”

They all agreed and went to finish their signs, after a half an hour later they were all done.

It’s time to ovary-act.

“I’m telling you I live surrounded by incredible women, ugh, I love all of you, mis mujeres” Penelope had learned a few Spanish from Luke.

“I couldn’t resist a little wordplay, after all I’m a linguist” Alex was proud of her idea as the others reassured her it was witty.

“You know what? I’m not that drunk that I actually thought deeply about mine, but I finally got it, and while I’m not that drunk I’m drunk enough to make a speech so prepare” She stood up straight while everyone turned to see her “All my life, no matter where I lived, men have tried to intimidate me just because I am a woman and I’ve always fought against those dicks that try to tell me what I can and can’t do, even when it came to my own fucking body, they felt entitled to give their opinion, it’s time we show them and our next generations that we will not accept being silenced, we have the right to speak and be heard and we’ll rule the world, mes amis.” She jokingly raised her glass while y/n grabbed Prentiss sign so she could show it to the rest of their friends.

Vulva la résistance

The rest of the girls cheered on Emily, they were now standing beside each other, with their arms resting on their friends shoulders.

JJ and Penelope went back as far as 15 years, 14 with Emily and y/n, apart from Tara and Alex, had only met these incredible women a little over a year but she was amazed by the amount of courage they had, she felt extremely lucky to be surrounded by women that did it all. Absolutely all.

Truth was being a woman in the FBI, hell, being a woman anywhere wasn’t always easy, but having a support network like the one they had created made life a little easier, knowing if anything happened all they had to do was look beside them and there would be another woman lending a helping hand.

[ithacamoma]

20 QUESTIONS FOR: TAMMY SALZL

image courtesy of the artist and DC3 Art Projects

1.Name:

Tammy Salzl

2.Occupation(s):

Artist, Sessional Teacher in Senior Level Painting at the University of Alberta.

3.Where are you from and what is your education?

I was born in Edmonton, AB, into a gigantic dysfunctional family with 18 aunts and uncles, 42 first cousins and barely one parent. I spent my summers being tortured as an English speaking city slicker in French speaking prairie farm communities. Retreating into art and stories and animals was the salvation I didn’t find in the fundamentalist religion I was periodically thrown into. For my undergrad I did 2 years at ACAD (Now called AUArts), and finished my BFA at the University of Alberta.  I received my Masters in Studio Arts (Painting) at Concordia University in Montreal 2014 and have been expanding my practice to include video and multimedia installation since graduation.

4.Where do you live/work (neighbourhood/city/country)?

For the past 3 yrs I’ve been splitting my year between the Southside of Edmonton, AB. and Parc Ex in Montreal QC. I have family in both places, which makes this both possible and necessary.

5.Does your location affect your practice?  

Definitely! Emotionally, psychologically and logistically. I’m lucky to be able to spend time in both eastern and western Canada. Sometimes they seem like entirely different worlds and it’s a privilege to be able to step into both. It broadens my field of vision.

6.What is your favourite tool in the studio?

I have two favourite things. My glue gun, because I love glueing stuff, it makes me feel like a little kid again! I also love it when I have a fresh, unused brush in hand.

7.Where do you look for your source material?

Everywhere! Movies, books, (I love sci-fi books, and I just finished 2 books by Yuval Noah Harari - Sapiens and 21 Lessons for the 21st Century - so gooood!) mythology, ecology, weird/wondrous animals (like the barrel eye fish or the Aye-aye), bus stops, Edmonton’s River valley, back alleys in Montreal, weird stop motion animations, the fresh sights, sounds and smells that come with travel, looking at art and, occasionally, the bottom of my wine glass.

8.What is you daily art world read?

I email subscribe to a bunch of art blogs (like Hyperallergic and artdaily.org etc), and I also try to read Border Crossings and Canadian Art magazines, but honestly a lot of my art world reads come from instagram. Cuz you know… pictures.

9.What is your daily non-art-world read?

I love science and nature blogs. I really enjoy nature.com, naturecanada.ca,  futurism.com/, and for quick global news stuff I like Quartz Daily Brief. It’s hard…you don’t want to be ill informed yet it’s so bleak out there…I think overexposure to media can be harmful. I try to find a balance.

10.What role does writing play in your practice?

Sadly, not much. It’s an inescapable task for every artist, and one I dearly wish I could escape. That said, aside from the necessary evil of artist statement/proposal/grant type of writing, I sometimes play at creative writing. I make little one page tales that turn into paintings, or I write a short narratives based on something I’ve made. I’ll often have automatic writing embedded in my underpaintings, and if you look hard enough you can sometimes find traces of a word here and there.

11.What role does research play in your practice?

Because I peddle in tales, I research the history, culture, psychology, pop culture, philosophy of whatever traditional tale or mythology I’m referencing, and how others have interpreted those tales over time - even if I’m referencing something like Dr. Seuss. I often tie that into the research I do out of my interest in ecology and nature. For me, working representationally means there is intension in everything. I try to have layers of meaning and make work that engenders multiple interpretations. I research the symbolism and history of objects, places, animals, colours , etc. With my installations there is a lot of material research involved as well.

12.What role does collaboration play in your practice?

Since expanding my painting practice into intermedia work, I’ve done quite a bit of collaborating in the form of “I don’t know how to do this technical thing so I need to find someone who does”. It’s taught me a lot in terms of learning to communicate and work with others. As a solitary person, it’s a challenge for me, but I also find it incredibly rewarding and enriching. Also, a couple of years ago 4 female artist friends and I began an art collective called IFPP (incubator for phantom pregnancies) We’ve staged a couple exhibitions and have some upcoming shows, and it’s been really great. You learn a lot about yourself in a collaborative process, and it’s exhilarating ending up with this thing you helped create, but in a mind hive kind of way.

13.How does success affect your practice?

Ideas of success are pretty subjective, no? Speaking in terms of non-commercial success, I would say it helps drives my practice forward. It gives you the incentive and confidence to keep going, to make more, to take risks and think bigger. Sometimes commercial/monetary success can do the opposite because you’re expected to make more of the same, sellable stuff - to keep the formula and not colour outside those lines.

14.How does failure affect your practice?

Failure is an opportunity to learn, and can lead to amazing things. I suck at it. I can be super stubborn and fight with a painting that’s not working for days and days. I’m often my own worst enemy. I’m learning to walk away, to turn the bloody thing facing the wall and only come back to it when I can be more objective - when I’m in a better place to paint over the 100 hours invested and start over.

15.What do you identify as the biggest challenge in your artistic process?

My own stubbornness! My own rules and obsessiveness and need for control. I can get restrained by fear of making something ‘bad,' and I struggle to let myself play more, to let myself ‘fail’. I can get too caught up in my own head. I struggle with a lot of self doubt. A dear friend of mine recently sent me a beautiful quote by Robert Hughes in an attempt to assuage my doubt:

 “The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.” 

I’m not so sure this is the case, but it’s nice to hear!

Also, like so many of us, I struggle socially and will hide in my studio rather than go to an art opening when I know I should be trying to make “connections”. Wine helps tremendously in all my struggles.

16.Who are some historical artists you are thinking about?

This fluctuates a great deal. I often find myself interested in artists I thought I didn’t like years ago, and will lose interest in artists I thought I loved. Art crushes come and go. I just bought a Frida Kahlo book and am rediscovering my fascination with her.

17.Who are some contemporary artists you are thinking about?

Everyone and no one in particular. I was in LA last January and saw an amazing Outsider Art show at LACMA. There was a piece by Greer Lankton titled, “Candy Darling” depicting a transgender actress who was featured in several of Andy Warhol’s films and was one of Lankton’s icons she looked up to as a trans woman. It’s exquisite with an edgy sexuality - totally blew my mind. I also saw some Mark Bradford works at The Broad that really surprised me. You have to be in front of them to understand how profound, beautiful, raw and sophisticated they are.

18.How do you describe what you are making now?

Right now I’m bouncing all over the place with various mediums. I’m working on a new series of oils, sort of taking the piss out of patriarchal old fables and the misogynistic way they portrayed women by retelling them through a contemporary lens. I’m also making a series of small, intricate “naughty fairies” made out of Sculpey (imagine tinker bell-like creatures going down on each other), some larger installation pieces that incorporate a variety of materials - video, sound, found and crafted objects, and I just completed my first short narrative video with footage shot on an artist residency I did in Norway last year. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m spreading myself too thin and there’s an invisible pressure to focus on one thing, but I’m a storyteller and I use whatever mediums best suites the tale. I think everything I do remains distinctly me, it all has connective threads. Generally I paint in the morning and move onto video and sculpture in the afternoon/evening. Painting is mentally challenging in a very singular way; it’s super humbling and I need a fresh, rested brain to do it.

19.Who is an artist that you think deserves more attention?

Oh man. Too many to count. Seems to me art world trends often translate into amazing artists not getting their due. I think Canadian artists in general deserve more of the international spot light. There’s so much talent here.

20.How can we find out more about you (relevant links etc)?

I keep my website pretty up to date, including upcoming shows and press links etc.

www.tammysalzl.com

[truethingsiwishicouldsay]

Tumblr political bullies are ultimately all the same.

I’m getting a little tired of having to explain to angry Tumblr extremists, who are often a fraction my age and have little in common with me, that no, they don’t get to pretend to be some kind of authority on my life and choices. Especially when the first thing they do upon reaching out is to attack. Nobody sane would trust the judgment of someone who does that.

They are strangers who obviously don’t have anyone’s best interests at heart but their own. They are hostile, arrogant, victim to black and white thinking, and in possession of very few of the actual facts. What authority do these people think they have over someone they don’t even know?

In the last week, angry, brains-in-neutral Tumblr zealots have told me I’m transphobic, a terf, that I should kill myself, and used a slur against me that made it clear they thought I’m lesbian. I have also had zealots from another group, using the same tactics, massive assumptions and poor grasp of reality, call me a lesbophobe, misogynist, and a bunch of other shit. A third group screamed misandry, assumed I was lesbian again, and told me I was a dried up old bitch that no man would ever love. 

For the record, I’m a straight, fairly happily married woman who hates exactly nobody outside of abusers. My “crimes” were basically defending lesbians from cotton ceiling rhetoric, defending myself from a volley of unexpected abuse and invasive demands (pretty much out of nowhere) from separatist extremists, and standing my ground in stating that FGM is far closer to castration than circumcision when a dude just...didn’t get why circumcision is a false equivalency. (I was of course assumed to be ignorant and in need of education about the agonies of men in that last case).

Keep in mind that this is how members from all three groups approached me. In each case their opening volley was to assume a bunch of shit about me, get worked up about the things they made up as much as about me disagreeing with them, and then go on the attack largely based on their assumptions. That’s like introducing yourself by punching someone in the face and calling them a cocksucker--and then expecting them to apologize to you because of some shitty excuse you made up.

And yet members of all these groups somehow believe that attacking me will cause me to suddenly start agreeing with them, open my life up to their scrutiny, and conform to their ideas of how I should act, who I should fuck and everything else. They have almost nothing in common between them besides stereotyping, abusiveness, overbearing arrogance, general toxicity and the assumption that they know better than I do how to handle my life. 

But if not for the words they use and the causes they are for, I would not be able to distinguish them. Seriously, after everything they all sort of run together into this homogeneous mass of loud, abusive, controlling, dramatic shitheads. 

I wonder what a transactivist would think if they knew how much they can sound like the most venomous sort of radfem extremist if you change just a few words? Would the haughty “perfect feminist” enjoy learning how indistinguishable she gets in her stereotyping and verbal abuse at times from the MRAs telling me to kill myself and calling me a whore? Would the men’s rights activists appreciate it if they realized just how much they fucking sound like the most obnoxious tween twink TRA when they throw unbalanced, childish tantrums at me?

In the end, the most important thing that the people acting like this have in common is that they are toxic as all fucking hell, and they use political causes as their excuse to be abusive to others. They may think they are “dedicated”, but they are there to fight and do harm. They just tell themselves that it’s okay if it’s “in a good cause”. They probably have or have had a string of “causes” that they “fought for” largely by bullying people online.

I’ve escaped from relationships with abusive, controlling people, male and female, who thought their treatment of me was perfectly justified. I can smell that kind of bullshit miles away now. I know when fuckers are out of line in this way, though of course they will go to their graves denying it.

The idea that you can bully someone into complying with your interrogation of and partial or total control of their lives, relationships, sexuality, politics, or any other aspect of their personal agency is the mentality of an abuser. There is never any excuse for it.

If you spend your “social justice efforts” attacking and harassing people in an effort to either force them to capitulate to your point of view, or punish them for resisting, you’re not just, righteous, Feminist, a supporter of men, a supporter of trans rights, or anything in the world but an asshole robing yourself in zealotry to justify attacking others. It doesn’t matter what the specifics of your politics are if you use the same horrific tactics, and get the same hateboner thrill out of abusing others from behind your computer screen.

You���re just the same manure in a different mold. 

And you are not worth listening to.

[popculturespiritwow]

THE WICKED + THE DIVINE: 1923 AD AKA A WORK OF ART(IFICE)

This issue is the Peakiest of Peak Gillen -- Gillen to the Power of Peak to the Power of Peak, if you will, #MathisCool. It’s a comic book masterpiece of research, reference and storytelling and I’ve been so daunted at attempting to comment on that it’s taken me months to make the attempt. You only climb Everest once, people!  (Shut your mouth, Nat Geo.)

WAGNER VERSUS WARHOL, FIGHT!

In format the issue involves a back and forth conversation/rap battle between high and low art. On the one hand, we have novelistic chapters rich with description. “The island looked like a threat, a fist of rock that had forced its way through the waves.” The island and Ananke both...

Then we cut to what at first glance seems like your standard comic book, but in fact is actually a riff on the early days of film, complete with title cards (which themselves get so silly the font might as well be comic sans #IllBeHereAllWeek) and everything shot in a wash of black, white and brown, except for the splashes of red at the scenes of death—victims’ blood, Lucifer’s apple, and my favorite, the red seaweed around Neptune.

Love that red seaweed.

The heart of the plot follows a similar back and forth, as the elitist “classic” artists, the TS Eliot/Ezra Pounds and Ginny Woolf-ish-types of the Pantheon, want to kill the more popular art types, the Shirley Temples and Buster Keatons and Robert Johnstons, to initiate a nightmare scenario that will supposedly give them control over the zeitgeist of the future. It’s an incredibly disturbing take on some of the giants of the early 20th century -- and one Gillen found based in fact.

It’s fascinating, too, for as much as the real object of venom is the truly popular artists, the movie star types with their simplistic narratives and opium for the masses, the elitists focus on killing figures who from our perspective sit far closer to them – Lucifer (F. Scott Fitzgerald), Poseidon (Ernest Hemingway), Dionysius (Pablo Picasso) and the Morrigan (James Joyce). I wonder if it’s something about the chaos those specific figures represent, the way that their particular forms of art end up undermining not only the structures but internal belief system of the modern world. If Baal-Et-Al’s idea is to work with Joe Goebbels to coopt pop culture for their own We Will Keep Control project, in a sense a Picasso or Joyce was doing the reverse, presenting in the formats of the elites only to deconstruct their validity. (Gillen’s notes on the Morrigan point in this direction. Also, his description of Set as coming off “a little like Tahani from The Good Place made me laugh out loud.)

In the end our good guys will stop the bad using their own popular media, film from a train, which was in real life the very first motion picture, and terrified people back in the day for exactly the reason that they feared the train was real and was going to leap off the screen and kill them all. 

Writing perfection.

HISTORY IN REPETITION AND RHYME

As we’ve seen throughout these specials, we get lots of echoes between periods here. Lucifer is once again the first one killed, the Morrigan is once again a character all about voice and drama (I love his self-narration so much, please sir can I have a spin-off?), the Norns are still trying to figure everything out, Susanoo=Dandy Baphomet, complete with his own complicated dating relationship (those rings made out of light, though, such a pristine beauty of a moment that Baph never gets), and Woden is once again a gross racist hack misogynist -- that submarine has got to be phallic, right? -- who has stolen his tech powers from someone else to produce content that is entirely derivative while secretly playing the gods and being used by Ananke.

There is also another mechanical creature, “Little Brother”, which we see only for a few panels, and that is not nearly enough because it is an adorable looking flying squid. (SCREW YOU BABY SHARK, BABY FLYING SQUID IS EVERYTHING.) Ananke also works from her standard playbook here, the Prometheus Gambit – you can gain some life if you kill others, which Baal et al will then use for bat#!% crazy purposes, which of course is also part of her plan.

And Minerva is also once again a child who seems maybe to be working with Ananke. It’s clear right from the start that the whole Shirley Temple schtick, lots of Yays and Gollys, is just an act, part of her “character”. And we get a glimpse of the real her again at the end.

That doesn’t have to mean she’s in league with Ananke. (Just read the next arc; she’s totally in league with Ananke.) But she also comes to know what happened to Verdandi, when she wasn’t with the group that discovered him. (Dude: She’s totally in league with Ananke.) And it gives her an excuse to leave Morrigan at precisely the right moment for him to get murdered by Ananke. (Yes, exactly, because she’s in league with Ananke.) And she will kill Set herself without a second thought; it’s all still just hint and innuendo (UGH NO IT’S NOT STOP), but given what we’ve just learned in the present day that’s all we need for now.

Meanwhile Baal is in some ways the opposite of ours, a racist white elitist who dismisses James Baldwin-type Amon-Re as incapable of being an artist given his “nature”, and Set is her own thing too, a snobby name-dropping Virginia Woolf.  Most intriguingly, the Norns have internal divisions that break them down, which make me worry a little bit for Cassandra and her friends. 

Best take care of your family, Cassie. Remember, in #WicDiv no one is just a sidekick…

CREATURE(S) IN EBONY This is the second special where the Fall of the Gods involves the introduction of a new being created by the gods by way of a classic Ananke “Definitely Don’t Do This (wink wink)”.  In 1831, Lucifer and Morrigan resurrect Hades to create an energy vampire that after killing them merged with Woden Shelley to create Steam Punk Elsa. This time the being – again a woman – is described as “looking like some ancient ancestor of the Metropolitans, but made of living poetry and bleak lightning rather than simple metal.” Which sounds an awful like the 1831 Creature.

She also emerged from “an ebony luminescence with streaks of blue beyond blue”, which again, sounds a lot like Mary Shelley Elsa Frankenstein.

Almost 92 years later we’ve heard nothing from her. But Kieron never forgets anything, INCLUDING YOUR BIRTHDAY, SO WATCH OUT. What could this all possibly mean…

ANANKIERON CHRISTIE

For me the most interesting element of 1923, though, is everything to do with Ananke. We come into the special, like the last two, knowing she is our Big Bad (probably, I don’t know you guys, I think in the next arc Kieron’s going to make me feel bad for her and I don’t want to). (No worries, he didn’t, or did he, wait, there are two Anankes now, I don’t know, what?)

But here for the first time we enter into the story alongside her. In fact, in that very first shot it almost seems like she’s looking right at us.  

Time’s running out, she’s got to get to the murder-y and behead-yness stat, and this time we get to watch her do it. Awesome!

It’s almost like we’re partners in the exercise, even; right before they’re about to go in for dinner and discover Lucifer Ananke seems to stop and look at us again.

Us and the millennia-old serial killer of children--High fives all around!

For the last 30+ issues I’ve been asking why Ananke is she always wearing a mask, and now finally I get it: just like the Pantheon, she is an actor giving a performance.

Here specifically she presents herself as a classic Agatha Christie protagonist, finding herself along with everyone else in the Remote Place version of a locked room murder mystery and slowly working to uncover the truth of what’s going on while others continue to die. And Then There Was Fun!

Except in fact Ananke is not The Marple but Christie herself, author of the entire series of events that happen, which makes this to my mind pretty much the greatest Christie story ever, and also reinforces the belief of All of Us that Jessica Beatrice Fletcher is the Greatest Fictional Serial Killer that Ever Lived.  

But wait, though. Doesn’t that make Ananke basically…a writer? Like um, this guy…?

But that’s crazy. We’ve spent the last five years with him. He’s fine.

I mean yes, both he and Ananke fashion fictional Big Bads (Note: this issue has absolutely no trace nor mention of a Great Darkness, despite the fact that this entire Pantheon has been around almost to their Use By) and also Ways to Save the World which motivate the characters down paths which lead to their eventual destructions.

And okay, true, in this issue Kieron does spotlight/ridicule parts of the storytelling mechanic, the machines characters are always trying to find/build/repair as nonsense. 

Such rituals are actually simple. It is about will and art. The machines…in my experience, they are little more than props. All that matters is your action and intent. They killed so the world would die. You die so the world can live.

But still, if we were to accept that Ananke is Just Kieron’s, er, Mask, then it’s like this whole time he’s been the one doing terrible things to all these characters, including the characters that he made me want to love.

And then this question which I’ve been chewing on since 455 AD, whether the characters can ever be free of the roles they’ve been assigned, in a sense becomes a question about whether they can ever escape not Her but Him…

Or what about us? The Audience. The ones that Jamie and Kieron and the others are creating this for.

This isn’t And Then There Were None, is it? No, this is Temple of Doom. Kieron may be Mola Ram, but I’m the Ever-Hungry, Never-Satisfied G--D-- Kali.

All along, Kieron has thrown in these moments where we get glimpses of the broader world, the way it feeds on the Pantheon. And I can get to the end of 1923 AD and say there’s a fascinating battle going on here about the ethics and/or violence of being a writer. But maybe there are also deeper questions being asked of me as a reader.

Maybe the issue begins with Ananke looking at me like that for a reason.

STOP IT, ANANKE. YOU’RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE. LOOK AWAY.

WORLD WARS, IRL AND URL A last point: 1923 AD is unusual for the degree to which it is haunted by something external, aka war. Even as the story takes place in the effervescent champagne bubble oasis of the Roaring 20s, both the nightmare that was World War I and the possibility of another war which is somehow impossibly much much worse than it hangs over the characters. That’s an insightful take on the period, but also an awe-full twist on the sense of doom that we’ve witnessed in the 21st century Pantheon, their own personal oncoming catastrophes expanded to the scale of disaster for the whole world.

It makes me wonder whether the last act of The Wicked + The Divine will involve something of a similar scale, whether the underlying momentum of the book has not always been toward the culture of celebrity, insofar as it engenders adoration, mob-think and a lack of fundamental care for and curiosity in one another, as sign of our own massive social crisis. (See: Brexit. Trump. The Fights My Dad Gets in on Facebook.)

Are we doomed? Do I still have time to tweet a thread about it? I really think it could make a difference, you guys.

[hopevalley]

WCTH Write-Ups: 1.5, “The Dance”

Good morning, and welcome to another episode write-up! Two in a row! I feel like I’m on a roll, here!

In the last episode, we saw answers to a lot of questions, mostly in regards to the church fire. Cat was innocent, the fire was an accident, and Mr. Spurlock framed Cat out of bitter spite because she told him she wasn’t interested in him.

In this episode, the town finally gets some new miners! 

12 of them, to be exact. This doesn’t even come close to replacing the 47 who died, but I guess it’s a start? Anyway, they’re not too happy about walking into the saloon only to find it’s inhabited by a whole classroom. 

“We’ve spent six days crossing this cursed country. We came a long way to work in this mine. Least we can get is a drink.” Six days? That’s it? I mean, that’s nothing compared to how most of these people got out here. They were probably able to take a train and then get wagons instead of having to cross it all by horse, so... I don’t know. Six days is nothing. Try six months of travel and then I’d feel like you deserved a drink.

“Company’s just hiring single men.” Gee I wonder why. Maybe that has something to do with it being cheaper and easier, and they can house ‘em in the saloon rooms in smallish groups. I mean, there can only be so many rooms up there... Maybe 3? That puts four men to a room up there...

Anyway, I love Emily Dickinson so much, and for an episode to start with one of her poems is lovely. Billy Hamilton might be scummy, but Andrew Walker, his actor, does a beautiful delivery of the first stanza. 

“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -

First of all, this poem is a delightful addition to the series, but I don’t think that its theme should be overlooked. This is a poem about hope, but the series itself isn’t just about the general concept of hope, it’s about...the kind of hope that you feel through the worst times in your life, that protects you, that gets you through the storm; it’s about...hope everlasting. So it’s really fitting that it’s here, but I think with all of the other things that go on, it’s easily passed over.

Also, Billy is a smoooooth criminal... Calling her professor... That’d make me feel special, too. ;)

Anyway, Abigail returns for this episode, and we see a bunch of town women coming together to unravel sweaters to repurpose for baby blankets and clothes for Carla, a very pregnant lady. 

Also present are Florence, Elizabeth, Cat, Mary, and someone I don’t know.

“My husband wasn’t a chivalrous man, but he provided just fine for Caleb and me.”

I just want to say that I enjoy Mary’s character a lot. We don’t really see anyone else like her for the rest of the series, so it’s sad for me that after her little plotline wrapped up, she left the series.

Most of these women are able to admit to their husbands’ faults in, perhaps, more private company, but I think Mary’s admission is realistic and to-the-point. Her husband wasn’t much of a romantic, or maybe even a good lover, but he did all right as a provider and that was good enough. These days we might find it really sad to think about—I know I do—but in 1910 things would have been a lot different for these women. A reasonably good provider was about as good as it got, sometimes.

And Abigail echoes Mary’s point:

“You’re right, Mary. We all know how hard it is to find a good man.”

And then Carla: “Or a good father for our children.”

That they have to sometimes choose whether he’s a good husband, good lover, good provider, or good father is just awful. But that’s that on that, I guess. 1910, everybody!

Carla’s definitely at that late part of pregnancy where everything hurts and nothing is comfortable and sleeping is basically impossible. Doubly so for her because she has a little boy to take care of already, so it’s not as if she can take a nap whenever the mood strikes!

“Mounties and marriage: two subjects that don’t go together. At the academy they told us, if the Mounties wanted you to have a wife, we would have issued you one.”

Watching Jack put his foot into his mouth at the speed of light should be a little fun, and I know when I first saw this episode I was amused, but this is my fourth or fifth time watching this episode... Now I can’t help but think that this kind of...set up is actually an ongoing problem in the series. That is to say, Jack didn’t actually say anything bad? Anything unreasonable? Elizabeth literally just twisted his words to make what he said sound worse. I mean, women aren’t delicate, but he can’t exactly come out and say, “If a woman wants to pee she has to sit down or squat, and out in the wilderness with other men/soldiers around, it’s not exactly conducive to cultivating a full and loving marriage.” Or, “Imagine being pregnant out there with no help for miles if something goes wrong, or when you need to deliver.” 

Jack is being perfectly reasonable and he’s saying it in a way that gives the audience the idea that he was hoping to make Elizabeth laugh. But she doesn’t laugh, and the narrative, since it mostly follows her around (even the music does this), suggests that he’s some kind of vaguely misogynistic guy who underestimates women’s skill and ability or even their perseverance.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, it sounds like s4 and s5 Bill Avery, right? Consistently painted as unreasonable for overestimating women. Even though nothing about Bill’s personality in the early seasons would suggest he is that type of person at all.

Well, I guess they had to pass Forced Foot in Mouth Syndrome onto someone. (And the really nasty part of me can’t help but think that Jack is kind of a victim of this literal writing disease for quite some time... I wonder if or how much this played into Dan’s choice to leave the series, in the end?)

But that’s just speculation.

Anyway, that whole scene can be summed up as “Elizabeth fishes for a date and pulls out the wrong fish. Maybe. Flings it back into the sea.”

Listen, we’ve all been Mary at some point; we’ve all done something completely embarrassing in a store and wanted the ground to swallow us up. Luckily for her, a reasonable looking man helps her pick up the mess and introduces himself as Dewitt Graves. 

This scene is actually like, several levels of good, because even the music changes to accommodate a feeling, in this case, Mary at the counter being told her tab is full. Nobody gets mad at Ned over this, but I wish they did; heck, I honestly wish he had his own plotline. But the way the camera pans to Florence while the piano plays is just so...awful. I mean, sure, we know Florence is going to gossip about this incident, but in this particular moment what’s highlighted by the narrative presentation is Mary’s situation. We’ve probably all been there, too: had a card declined, or a card reader couldn’t read it at least. It’s awful, and it’s much worse for Mary. How’s she going to pay that tab off? (I also noticed the yarn in her basket... I wonder if it was to make something for Carla’s baby...)

It’s Mr. Graves to the rescue! Thank goodness. Even that scene is awkward and embarrassing...but at least she didn’t have to put everything back.

*Ned is the company store owner, so seeing him transition to a regular mercantile would be super, super cool. Plus he wouldn’t be a very popular person in town since he has to balance store credit and can’t do much more than the company policy allows him to, so that would have been a really fun plot to have.

Albert and Caleb interacting is another good scene, because Caleb gets to complain a bit about his family’s situation, and Albert gets to be understanding (and actually in more than just the episode he was introduced in, which sounds goofy but we need to be thankful for the little things). 

We also find out that Mary’s a pretty good cook.

After a couple of episodes without Abigail, it’s nice to see her back, and her patience is literally unmatched. I howled with laughter when a coworker told me he wanted to plant pickles in his garden; he had no idea that pickles came from cucumbers!! Literally no idea. NONE. I could not contain my amusement. But Abigail is kind to Elizabeth and instead of mocking her ignorance, she makes each new thing into a learning experience. And Elizabeth takes it in stride and even mocks her own ignorance a little bit.

“At home they were just in the serving dish... magically.” A shared joke; this was honestly and truly pretty cute.

Florence just barging into Abigail’s place out of nowhere was hilariously in character, but hey, she’s come with that hot goss so I guess that’s almost like she’s got a key. ;)

I love how Abigail doesn’t rise to the lure of gossip, though, and is just...practical about the situation? Mary’s had it harder than most, so it was nice of that man to buy her groceries. 

“I don’t think we can judge each other’s circumstances, Florence.”

“Are you ready to forget your Noah?”

“I will never forget my Noah, but at some point life goes on. For all of us. For you, too.”

And then Carla falls in the front door crying out for Abigail, kind of ruining this scene, or shunting it into the background.

Honestly, and again, this is the Abigail I loved as a character. She was good, but she wasn’t perfect, and her advice was always pretty gentle. I think she could have delivered it a little better, but she’s not wrong. Life does go on. But it made me think of Florence in s5, when Laura and Bill returned the note from the coat pocket to her. We learn about Florence so slowly that it’s wild to think at this point in the story we don’t really know her. She was madly in love with her Paul, and we know he adored her, too. 

I never got the feeling that Abigail felt that way about Noah, but something I’m more than willing to praise this show for is its diverse showcasing of relationships. Not every marriage was one of love at this time, and not every marriage that started out with love stayed that way. That’s still true today, though, isn’t it?

Anyway, these women oftentimes couldn’t support themselves, so relationships were their best bet. And I love that Abigail takes Mary’s side; it’s not fair to judge. As we see later in this episode, Mary’s position is difficult.

But back to this scene: when Carla needs help, even Florence rushes to help her and reassure her. 

This is the good stuff, you know what I mean? Abigail offering to let Carla move in for a while, Florence reassuring her that someone will look after her older boy, Elizabeth touched and moved by how these women step up and help one another.

“They go through life with such grace under fire. It makes me realize just how little I actually know about the real world. These women are teaching me by their example that when each of us offers a small kindness to a neighbor, it can become a very large blessing to the whole community.”

Like, Elizabeth isn’t stupid. She might be ignorant about how much work goes into making pickles, but she’s observant and willing to learn. In Elizabeth’s former life, she had no reason to think about these sorts of things; what ‘small kindness’ would she have offered her Hamilton neighbors? What kind of ‘community’ was she a part of there? It was a very different place and a different way of living. Here, in Coal Valley, small kindnesses oftentimes go a long way. People don’t have much; sometimes small kindnesses are all they have to give.

I really loved the touch of Mr. Backus showing the guys around a bit...recommending they all become a teetotaler (sober) like him. It’s not a long scene for him, but he’s clear-headed and obviously making an effort to improve himself...and he’s happy with that decision. It’s also kind of cool that he goes over to hang with Jack a bit afterward and have a drink of coffee.

Anyway, Billy puts on those smooth moves again with Elizabeth, and of course they work. He keeps it pretty low-key, though. And he doesn’t finish the poem. :(

Jack’s suspicion of him is kind of...eh. The guy hones in on Elizabeth but like, she’s the only really young woman in town that we’ve seen. Mary might be the next oldest? It’s hard to say. 

Anyway, any sane young miner would have the hots for Elizabeth... Just sayin’.

The real question is: who is that curly haired guy and why didn’t he stick around?

I still really enjoyed Sam (the miner that Jack locked up) telling him that night in the jail was actually “kind of peaceful.” I’m pretty sure this is when Jack decides to move into the jail.

James, the former school bully, asks Caleb about his mom’s attempt to get a new husband, which of course Caleb denies. 

I had to look James up to see if he was supposed to be the son of a character we know, and...I don’t think he is. His last name is Fermont. Maybe he’s the son of the unknown dark-haired woman who was at Abigail’s house for the sewing circle?

Anyway, there’s something to be said, again, about Ned. 

He handles all telegrams so he knows everyone’s business. Even police business. It’s wild that he doesn’t have a larger role in the story at any point, and has never had his own arc.

“No one’s ever called me Mr. Graves.”

He’s charming. You know, he’s not the most attractive guy ever, but he’s a good person and he’s got a nice sense of humor and he’s humble. I liked Dewitt a lot from the start. And y’know what else I like? That he looks a mess after a day in the mine. You know this guy works hard and he’s tired as heck and all the lines in his face took 10x worse with the coal dust, and... Just... He could be a real person.

And he clearly thinks Mary is cute and sweet as heck. I love her hesitation, though; she’s not sure what she should do, but she invites him to dinner because it’s what’s best for everybody.

“I know it’s making me a better person.” Elizabeth wanting to be a better person is great, too.

Jack’s intrusion and comments are so pointed though. “All you need is good aim.” I mean, also, I don’t know that he ever is shown going hunting again? Huh.

Anyway, Billy starts pushing a little more seriously; and Elizabeth doesn’t quite accept the bait. She admits she has dreams but says, “Dreams are like birthday wishes. Say them aloud and they might not come true.”

And then we get the part of the season that drives me bonkers: the poem that Billy gives to Elizabeth and claims as his own.

I wrote an entire post about how this drove me nuts, so I won’t repeat too much of it here, but c’mon. This is a famous ballad that Elizabeth probably grew up playing on the piano, or at least singing ‘round the piano. I find it really hard to believe she wouldn’t immediately know that he didn’t write it.

I mean, she does say, “It’s very familiar... I can’t place the poet, though.” But the fact that she doesn’t remain suspicious about that is wild.

On the plus side, Andrew Walker has such a blessed ability for reciting poetry. I wouldn’t have minded hearing him recite more. He’s good. 

I think with a little tweaking, I could have found this whole thing a bit more believable; maybe a different poem, one that she probably wouldn’t have had such an exposure to. Something more...obscure that she probably did read in the last few years, but which might have been easily forgotten in her studies. Not something she probably grew up singing? I don’t know.

I guess I just gotta give the writers credit for the way Billy tries to push off her feeling that it’s familiar with humor/romance and she just goes with it.

Listen, Dewitt is a good man. He doesn’t push Mary’s boundaries, he apologizes easily, he shows an understanding of Caleb’s situation, he waits for Mary to be seated before he sits, he’s genuinely sorry about taking the wrong hook on the wall... 

I was frustrated with Caleb watching it, but I totally got it. 

I think my favorite thing about this scene is that when Dewitt asks Mary to the dance (in this roundabout awkward kind of adorable way), she says she honored but asks to have time to think about it, and he’s fine with that.

“That’s all a man can ask for, is a little bit of hope.”

It’s sweet, but it’s not over the top. 

Mary’s conversation with Caleb is a little sad...but I feel like he’s just too young to really understand what it is she’s saying when she tells him: “Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. Now, I’m your mama, and I’m going to do what I have to do for our family.” And then, a little bit later, “I need to look out for our future now. It’s what I’m doing as your mom. And you need to understand that.”

Clearly she’s trying to say, “I can’t provide for us by myself. I need a man and it’s not what I want to have to resort to, but that’s just how it is. It sucks but you need to understand that I don’t have a choice.”

I mean, we’ve seen her situation: the tab is full at the company store, she’s relying on Caleb to catch fish just to have something to eat that isn’t potato soup, and without store credit even potato soup is off the menu. How are they going to last the winter? 

In its own way, the whole situation is tragic. Even if Mary wasn’t madly in love with her husband, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want the time to grieve properly. Unfortunately her feelings aren’t allowed to matter; she can’t let them. She has to do what she can to ensure that her son has a future.

Something I don’t like about this episode is the suggestion that the town had a midwife “for years” who “left after the mining accident.” It’s one of those situations that might have been best left alone. I would have preferred that Abigail be an unofficial midwife or something, or even a short discussion about how their supposed midwife was just a woman who had birthed six children or eight children in her younger years and had experience and was better than no one at all.

The only reason I can think of that a midwife would leave town would be if she was afraid the town’s infrastructure would collapse and it would die. But eh. I think the worldbuilding around this midwife is extremely fragile and not very well-done. At least it was mentioned? I don’t know.

The Elizabeth/Jack conversation about Billy is kind of painful...and again we have Jack flinging his foot down his own windpipe... Sigh. The more it happens the less I like it. 

That’s all I can really say right now.

Elizabeth’s conversation with Mary is... I don’t know. It’s heavy. Not gonna lie, I wanted to see Mary all done up. That said, it’s probably for the best that Elizabeth brought up Caleb and ruined the moment. 

Mary tries to be frank with Elizabeth about her situation:

Mr. Graves is a good man

I think he may care for me

I didn’t think another man would ever pay attention to me again

I’m not willing to waste another minute frittering away my son’s future when this could be a chance for us.

Elizabeth says she “understands” to which Mary says, “I don’t think you do understand. You were raised with all of the options in the world available to you, and I have next to nothing.”

Mary isn’t wrong, and this is something I like about the early episodes; Elizabeth has GOOD INTENTIONS by saying she “understands” but there’s no way she fully can. She can’t really grasp what Mary is going through, not fully. It’s a shame because Elizabeth really didn’t mean any harm by it; she also really did want Mary to wear a pretty dress! But Elizabeth’s worry about Caleb came at the expense of her worry for Mary, and what that did was alienate Mary from feeling like she could rely on Elizabeth.

This is the kind of “miscommunication” that is believable and real, and that I wish the show had continued to utilize where it matters.

And here we’ve got it... Florence busts into the jail where Jack is and tells him that someone stole her late husband’s gold watch. 

“Someone broke into your house?”

“Right in the middle of the night with my child slumbering nearby!”

Missing is: gold watch, cufflinks. Both out of her top dresser drawer. 

Well, Florence has a child. Apparently. I don’t think we ever find out who the child is, let alone see them. I’m pretty sure this ends up retconned by the end of the first season/at the beginning of the second. Unless Florence’s “child” is a cat.

Anyway, something I do appreciate? That Florence is asked to keep quiet about this (so that the thief doesn’t get nervous and skip town) and...she actually...does so.

I find it hard to believe that the entire class would panic over a snake, but okay.

Caleb’s talk with Elizabeth is nice. She’s not always very good at talking to other adults about their pain, but I think she’s pretty good with the kids. Adults can’t help but see hidden meanings and nuance in everything; kids tend to just hear the words that are said.

Anyway, Caleb’s struggle with the memories, with the idea that maybe for his mom memories are painful, but for him they’re all good... That gets me a little in the feelings. And how Elizabeth just jumps in to let Caleb talk about his dad by asking what he was like... Man, she really is pretty good with the children. They need to grieve too, and oftentimes it’s in a way that’s different to how we as adults get through it. Her place as a bit of an outsider lets her ask these questions without any issue.

And Caleb doesn’t say anything, you know, revolutionary about his pa. He just says that he was tall and strong and funny, he liked to sing and whistle and fish, and they cooked fish together on the riverbank after they caught ‘em. “Nobody can replace him... Nobody.”

Abigail goes to the dance with Carla’s instructions to dance a waltz for her (which Abigail does, with Mr. Backus) and a promise to return soon.

Last year I made a post about how this dance is a great example of the magic of season one and I don’t want to repeat it too much here, but in the first few seconds you get an idea of how well off people are financially just based on what they wear; you see Cat and Ned as part of the musical trio who is playing. You see the younger women with their hair down or partially down and all the older women with their hair up and you see Abigail take charge to get the party started (this would be more or less her job as the highest ranked mine employee’s wife).

Even cooler, some kids did come to the party. The dances are short. The second the waltz comes on Abigail gets the dance she told Carla she’d get, and Elizabeth comes into the room with Billy Hamilton.

And then Caleb shows up in his dad’s coat. 

Which gets me right in the feelings every time, but the best part about it is that, at first nobody even really notices he’s there; the other kids don’t mock him or anything. Everyone is just...touched when he cuts in on his mom’s dance with Dewitt.  

And Dewitt bows out gracefully--and a few people seem touched by it but most people are wrapped up in their own dance and a big deal isn’t made of it. It’s just a nice, short, surprisingly touching scene.

The episode ends with Carla in labor, Billy being sweet on Elizabeth, and Jack getting a telegram that says the company Billy claims to have worked for...has never heard of him. 

DUN DUN DUN...

Overall Thoughts:

The plot in this episode is a lot calmer than before. We have small things going on, but the big plot was definitely the concept of ‘moving on’ and of, I guess, doing what needs to be done—or at least respecting other people’s decision to do so.

I don’t actually have a lot of thoughts? I guess I sat around going, “Wow there are a lot of people named William in this series who go by something else I guess.” 

But other than that, I was pretty much satisfied with this plot. Very little about it annoyed me or made me want to do editing. I really enjoy Mary as a character, too; her motivations are unique to her in this show and I wish they had been a little more thoroughly explored overall, but we get a decent amount of attention on her for a background character! (Still, her story alone could be almost its own novel.)

To end, how about the entirety of that Dickinson poem, hm?

“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all - And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard - And sore must be the storm - That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm - I’ve heard it in the chillest land - And on the strangest Sea - Yet - never - in Extremity, It asked a crumb - of me.

(314) Emily Dickinson

See you all again next episode!

[samcarpnter]

so if you are bitter bout mcu what are your unpopular opinions?

so a few people have actually asked me this since i said something vague about mcu yesterday haha so i figured i’ll just make a big long post under the cut and i am sorry if anyone takes this offensively, i just have to rant about some of this stuff so read at your own risk (spoiler i get mad and it is longgggg)

I do also want to say i love the mcu despite its many problems and i do my best to separate it from the comics because i understand a movie/tv show can’t develop characters the same way decades of comics can and different versions of their personalities/backstories are okay but still there is some corruption i can’t take

First off - the maximoffs. Like … no! I really am not a fan of the mcu versions. I could deal with their new personalities/upbringings if it wasn’t at the expense of their ethnicity. Like for those of you that don’t know, the maximoffs are jewish and romani, they are basically whitepassing pocs and they were very poor and are even children of holocaust survivors … so how the fuck and why the fuck did they volunteer to work for hydra ?!?! just completely corrupting everything that made them who they were is so disrespectful and to make them fucking work for A NAZI ORGANIZATION is not a small personality/backstory change, it goes against everything from the original characters.

Wanda maximoff also just walked into the avengers with barely any accountability for her actions, yes she had to deal with the pain of what she caused at the beginning of civil war but hardly anyone is bringing up the fact that she toyed with bruce/hulk in aou which caused so much damage and very likely resulted in a loss of many civilian lives, how is no one realizing it is her fault ?! she was pardoned for everything she did when tony was painted as villain WHY

Also in civil war i was more on tony’s side, i do think that cap was right in thinking that they shouldn’t be solely controlled by the government because sometimes there are fights they need to do that they wouldn’t necessarily be allowed to go to. B U T they do have to understand the effects of their often reckless actions. Yes they are saving the world but they could very well destroy it by not taking accountability for the damage they cause.

And okay civil war, like really? I just think it was forced and happened too fast, i know it can’t be like the comics always, but the civil war in the comics actually served a real purpose and in the mcu it was just like 12 people fighting in a parking lot ??

Also the villainization of tony is just … NO. like stop please. Tony makes mistakes, he does as everyone does and yes they are colossal ones too - i mean ultron for just one example. But he should not be seen as a villain for trying to protect the world. He saw infinity war coming a mile away and everybody was upset about it. Ultron was a disaster yes, but how is it that tony wasn’t pardoned when wanda and bucky were? I am not trying to say bucky shouldn’t be pardoned, because he was rightfully forgiven as he had no control over what hydra made him do, but wanda did … and she isn’t really apologizing or realizing the effects of some of her actions so … why is everyone pissed at tony??

And god okay i’m gonna be brief with mcu nat because ugh but just fuck scar jo and get her out of my sight, black widow deserves a solo movie with an actually talented actress who isn’t trying to steal minority roles alongside bucky barnes, i refuse to believe a black widow movie with no bucky could ever work

Guardians of the galaxy … jesus they did my babies dirty. Mcu peter quill … i don’t really like him and maybe it is because i’m not super fond of chris “i have a gun arsenal” pratt but tbh i just think they portray quill as a dick who can be misogynistic and a has a very delicate ego. His changed backstory was meh which i can live with but he is so fragile with his masculinity and it demeans gamora. I do like gamora and peter together but it would be so much better if he wasn’t always trying to be better than her or got offended anytime she was smarter or a better fighter than him (which is always sooo). Then mantis was done dirty she should not be some slave to a weird planet man ?? i think pom is a wonderful mantis but she was given crap to work with because mantis is a celestial being like an actual GODDESS  so why is she working for a planet ??? and drax ugh he is not an idiot like mcu portrays him i’m so bitter about that

I understand why scott lang was chosen to be ant man over hank pym i mean if paul rudd was going to be scott it makes perfect sense. Hank is also just … i don’t quite know how to describe hank other than controversial i guess but that’s another story, and scott would come off waaaaay better to audiences as ant man, the thing i am just so mad about is the fact that janet was practically erased from the avengers. I mean please don’t get me wrong i love hope van dyne and a young janet shouldn’t be falling in love with scott, but i just wish they could have at least included the REAL janet, not michelle pfiefer (no offense to michelle either because she’s doing great with what she’s given) being an old knock off janet, and not even like her own movie (which would be fucking fantastic though) but like janet gave so much of her life to the avengers and was a founding member. A FOUNDING MEMBER. And her purpose in the mcu was basically just to give hank manpain like whyyyyyyyyyy

And CLINT! God clint barton was screwed over, comics clint is amazing and is 80% deaf (he has a frickin hearing aid!!) and loves dogs and coffee and pizza and i could even handle jeremy renner being this version of clint, i don’t really have a problem with jeremy but i hate that marvel just made him be loki’s slave for awhile then just randomly give him a family AHA PUH LEASE MARVEL clint barton is a hoe (okay not really a hoe but he has been romantically involved with many of the super ladies) he would not have some secret family also with someone not in the same business as him, and also clint is a survivor of abuse and represents someone with a disability and mcu took all of that away from him ughhh

Okay and spider-man … i think smhc was a great movie and tom is so cute and pure and an amazing peter parker but … why? Like why were we given a THIRD peter parker when we could have fucking had miles morales ?! for those of you who don’t know miles morlaes, he is black and is spiderman in a different universe (the ultimate universe) and so i mean marvel come on if you’re going to put in a new spiderman why couldn’t it be miles? And i mean this with no offense to tom but i just wish we could’ve had a poc lead sooner and now we get into the spiderverse as the introduction to miles which also don’t get me wrong, i am very excited about that movie but to me it just seems like we won’t have a great shot at getting miles in the mcu if they do a series of new animated films about the spiderverse

And doctor strange ugh the whitewashing just ugh and then stephen too like idk benedict cumberbatch is an amazing actor but stephen was made so arrogantly in mcu and he comes off as this hotshot doctor who did it for money and to show off how amazing he is but he actually became a doctor because he witnessed his sister’s death and then soon after his mother died

And then the whitewashing of the ancient one jesusssss the ancient one is not some eccentric white woman, the ancient one is an asian man … i could even understand making the character a woman as the only other female character would be rachel mcadams’s character (she was so unimportant i don’t even know her name whoops) but do not take away the asian identity !!

And iron fist man … it just sucked, there’s really not much more to say

Then elektra fucking natchios was done SO DIRTY elodie yung is the absolute best elektra, i can’t imagine anyone else playing her and she did so well for the shit she was given but they decided to take a route that made her a sociopath ?? i mean i am okay with the changed backstory but elektra just doesn’t go around killing people for the fun of it like she does it because she has been through a lot and wants to take bad people out of the world like the ones that killed her father and yes maybe she is a little misguided and lost but still she doesn’t think killing people is a fun thing to do on a saturday night like why marvel ?? and just the black sky thing was weird … never a thing in the comics but whatever

And also okay … i love peggy carter and i loved hayley atwell being peggy but sharon is ultimately cap’s main love interest and is the main woman in all of cap’s storylines. And sharon was set up SO well but because stucky fans are ruthless sharon doesn’t even exist anymore and i’m so bitter about that, emily vancamp was a great agent 13 and marvel actually did a great job of bringing her into the universe in catws but look what happened, everyone forgot about her and are obsessed with peggy instead … which as i said, i’m not trying to diss peggy or hayley because i loved agent carter and her in catfa, but everyone decided sharon was nothing compared to peggy and i just don’t see why we can’t have both ??

Another thing … why vision? Like why the heck was vision put into the mcu it really doesn’t make sense to me i mean i think paul bettany is great but he just .. why this weird robot? i’m guessing to bring more in about the infinity stones but still idk because that didn’t really happen ??

And rhodey … poor poor rhodey, the casting change was actually a pretty good idea because i think don cheadle is the perfect rhodey (with no offense to terrence howard’s version, i just think don cheadle should’ve been there from the start) but they didn’t really introduce him into becoming war machine at all, they just gave him a suit and were like boom you’re a superhero now go be an avenger ?? with barely any development to why ?? i demand a war machine solo movie please, we all damn well know don cheadle would be great and ryan coogler should direct it, we’ll have no tony (no offense to tony just no more white men) and we’ll get sam in there and they will be a fucking badass team

And i am so bitter that it took 10 FUCKING YEARS to not have a white male lead a movie … marvel you have so many amazing characters of so many different ethnicities and backgrounds and genders and sexualities like why is carol only coming in now and why did black panther just become a huge movie?! should’ve been there from the start ugh

In my eyes, the only flawless mcu pieces that i would never bash are thor: ragnarok, and black panther (and maybe runaways because we finally got our first canon lgbtq couple) and catws if scar jo wasn’t in it. Marvel needs to realize the success of these films, that taika waititi and ryan coogler are the best directors they have and should be directing more films *cough cough* GUARDIANS 3 *cough*

So wow … that’s a lot and it’s a lot of bashing marvel but i just … if you don’t know shit about the comics the mcu seems amazing like i was there once i didn’t start reading comics until a few years ago when i heard about the young avengers and i have loved the movies since iron man came out ten years ago, but the mcu is very corrupting of a lot of the best parts of these characters, and a lot of people don’t realize that

Thanks for letting me rant and as i have said i really don’t mean to offend anyone who is a fan of the mcu or (most of) the actors of the mcu because they’re just doing their job, so please realize a lot of this is my opinion, i’m just expressing how i feel about marvel and for the record, i do love the mcu i just don’t like a lot of what goes on behind the scenes.

[lollytea]

Girls In TV/Media/everywhere. Big boobs: Sexist. Small boobs: Sexist. Strong: Sexist. Petit: Sexist. Short hair: Sexist. Long hair: Sexist. Part fish: Sexist. refereed to as a female: Sexist. Never once treated, refereed to, or at all acknowledged as anything other then equal to their male/alien/monster/demon/other female peers: Sexist. WHY?????????????

I have no idea what this ask is trying to say. Is it sarcastic or not, who knows?

But nah, not everything in media involving girls is sexist. Hell, sometimes writers are just trying to let girl characters breathe as a person in her own right as opposed to something that HAS to be shown as strong and independent and tough and perfect in order to have the critics say she defies sexism. Which is sexist enough on its own. It strips away at her individuality. 

The problem is there ARE gonna be people out there who call sexism at every little thing, things that don’t particularly matter and that in turn will desensitize you to it and some people will just roll their eyes and wave it off when someone actually does point out real misogynistic recurring themes in media.

Fictional girls with big boobs aren’t sexist. it’s what surrounds them that is. Lots of girls in real life have big boobs, its perfectly normal. But Im sure plenty of girls with big boobs are getting pretty damn sick of being sexualized constantly in the shows they see themselves in. Gotta have the skimpy outfits, gotta have the gross comments, gotta have all the uncomfortable stares. And for some godforsaken reason, gotta have the weird boob sound effect. (anime.) Or just a ton of close-up shots. Cuz like they feel they NEED to draw attention to these girls’ tits constantly. As if its really that important. Tits are what define them, aren’t they? I dunno man, give her an interest in Fine Art in whatever the fuck. Just give her more than this. She deserves to be more than a walking fetish. Her back probably hurts a lot, cut her some slack.

Fictional girls with small boobs aren’t sexist. Again, lots of real life girls. But c’mon, stop fuckin shaming them for it. (again anime.) Stop belittling them, making fun of them, saying “you look like a boy” whatever cuz this goddamn girl isn’t fapping material enough and for some reason, you think she deserves to be punished for that. (Tho small chested girls ARE a fetish too but thats a whole other paragraph im not gonna write.) Just like big boobs girls, let small girls boobs live as something other than small boobs girl.

As for all the other design-wise stuff. Not sexist. Girls come in all shapes, sizes, colours and styles. Make your girls big, small, tall, short, fat, skinny, petite or broad. Long hair, short, whatever. Diversity, yknow? But just. Yknow don’t make them all clones. I mean if there’s 20 girls in a series and they’re ALL white, petite with long hair, than maybe you have a problem. But also remember that certain builds and styles don’t necessarily mean anything. Strong, broad shouldered girls can be girly, they can have long hair, small, tiny girls can be rough and tomboyish, they can shave their hair, whatever the fuck. The looks they were born with don’t always define them on a personality/style-level. 

For the love of god, make more part fish girls, they’re awesome

Also female is an adjective, not a noun. Which is why referring to a woman as “The Female” is pretty degrading. So ya, that one is kinda sexist. However female person, female child, female student, whatever. All that is fine. It’s using the word correctly. 

But ya the last one you’re right about. That one fucked up. 

[rpbetter]

As a female I get tired of seeing psa post about /It's important to treat female muses with respect/ or /Female muses deserve better treatment!!/ it's this constant thing I get slapped in the face by mutuals who reblogs that once in a blue moon, but ignore male muses or treat them like shit. I'm sorry to come off as sexist, I wish people would look out for male muses too and those who are gay since they get the short end of the stick and not appreciated. Don't get me wrong it's important to respect all muses regardless of their gender, but these post are coming off as quite feminist and Tumblr is known for being a man hater. I feel really bad for saying all of this.. I'm sorry for this rant, RPbetter. I just need to let it off my chest.

It's all good, Anon! I did tell y'all you could do exactly this!

I know, as in, I can actually feel the hackles of the RPC rising preemptively, this is going to rub people the very, very wrong way...so, I'm asking you to at least try to put that on hold and consider some things about this as a different view from what you've experienced before you get angry with Anon or myself.

Because I think the issue with this, and all PSA's that are especially full of delineation like these are, is that it isn't going to be everyone's experience in the RPC.

We tend to feel like the RPC is our little corner, or for some of you, vast empire. Sometimes, an overlap of both - our little area we have cultivated with our mutuals, our preferred resource blogs, all the blogs that branch off from us and the larger RPC specific fandom community we're a part of. I mean, I know my fandom is huge, my highly cultivated homestead within it is tiny.

I also interact with people from equally huge RPC fandoms. So, between the two, I see some major differences. The differences in some of the minuscule RPC corners I have people in can be even more extreme.

Example?

I have a mutual who is open to crossovers and spends time in three bigger fandoms with their muse. The muse is highly desirable in the fandom they come from, had no issue adapting and being desirable in the second big one, but in the third, it was quite different. Same approach that worked out wonderfully everywhere else did not work in this third fandom because the muse...is female in a male and gay ship predominant fandom. So, while this mutual never experienced trouble getting/keeping interaction and respectful treatment of their muse/themselves everywhere else, they suddenly got slapped with it there. It's often a problem of specific fandoms and their material.

Another example?

Myself.

My main muse is everything that the more hateful PSA's of this sort say is the desirable muse that unfairly gets all the attention and respect: extremely well-known main character, conventionally attractive, male, white, young, and the way he presents in canon, you can play with HCs about him being not being cishet pretty easily. Highly shippable muse that can be made even more so without messing with canon much, if at all.

So, you'd think that I would never have any trouble getting interactions, ships that I want, plots I want, and good treatment of my muse (I mean by other muns, other muns not being total assholes about my muse, what happens between muses, when it isn't directly due to the mun's attitude, is different), right? I don't.

Don't get me wrong, I have the interactions I want, they're perfect. I have the writing partners I always wanted, the best ships, stunning plots, but that's entirely because I am OC and crossover friendly. I'm open to accepting writing partners based purely on the writing. My own fandom does not like my muse, outside of one specific version anyway, the canon ship is not supported, the popular fanon ship is likely to get you a callout in the RPC.

In my fandom, the female muses do get more respect and attention for the most part. It's one of those fandoms pretty into...well, fandom as an act of activism. That's not to say, before anyone loses it on me, that creating or picking up a female muse is doing it for woke points. Just that there is a rather open prerogative in my fandom to create/choose muses based on the idea of "representation" and "fixing canon." If you have one that is like mine, you're automatically assumed to be a lot of really shitty things. Getting called a school shooter, love that for me.

The whole "respect female muses or die" take isn't necessary there, it's the take. Doesn't stop it from coming around weekly, though, so I do feel you on this, Anon.

Furthermore, I'd personally prefer it if we'd all consider getting back to the take of just respecting muse choices and writing, period. People are always going to have preferences, in one place it might align with your own, in another it doesn't. That's perfectly alright and does not mean anything horrible about those people unless they're actively being horrible with it!

Preferring female muses doesn't mean you're a radfem, preferring (or just having even one) a f/m ship does not mean this or that you're homophobic either, nor does it make a bi/pan muse suddenly heterosexual and "bad representation/you're just saying they're bi and that's gross." Just means those are the ships that developed.

Preferring male muses doesn't mean you're "part of the problem" or "taking the easy way," and having or preferring a queer ship does not mean you're a "nasty fujoshi." It also doesn't invalidate what someone has established about their muse's sexuality, a bi/pan muse isn't Gay Now because their primary ship is m/m.

And that's to say nothing of how weird, and often at least mildly offensive, all of this is to both muns and muses that are not on the gender binary. You should probably consider that before you keep implying to a mun that the muse they've established as not cis is exactly that.

Or, that writing a female muse might be impossible for some muns for more reasons than just preference, a thing that is valid enough on its own. A decent number of muns in the RPC are also not cis, this may be the only safe place for them to drop being gendered as they were assigned at birth, it might even trigger dysphoria for them to write a female muse. I know that I am incredibly uncomfortable writing female muses. It's a little ridiculous to keep dropping the implication to outright demand that everyone needs to do their part in filling the female muse quota in the RPC or they're misogynists and/or phobes.

My experience, and I am not alone in it, has been getting plenty of shit for having male muses only, always assumed to be cisgender and often heterosexual. Plenty of shit for not writing the canon as cishet, too...and plenty more for my main ships being with female characters because they're the ones that worked out and stuck around.

No one is lying when they say that there are places where their male muses and queer ships are not looked on positively.

The thing is, I also witness female muses being treated like shit, yes!

And I will say, that treatment is so much worse if the muse is also an OC, has a canon f/m ship they'd like to write or just to write a ship with a canon if they're an OC, or they're certain types of female muses. Because the demands do not stop at being female. You also have to write a Strong Female Character to be of interest, and she had better be available to shipping and smut while not presenting as too sexually open. It's become an impossible obstacle course.

I see it on the dash, I see absolutely valid complaints, and the majority of my friends write female muses. I'm very aware of the problems they've faced, bias against them does exist!

Example of this?

Writing partners who have both male and female muses experiencing, repeatedly, their male muses being picked over the female muses, and their emotionally softer or less sexually available female muses being chosen dead last. The writing is great, these muses are well-done and interesting, easy to interact with, but they'll get told on the blogs for the male muses that they're only interested in them, the other mun having missed that this is the same mun behind both muses.

And it always comes down to wanting to ship m/m. Even when the muse is established as being heterosexual, they'll just keep trying to push it into happening with their male muse. If your male muse is heterosexual, that is like a violent act against the whole RPC.

So, that's also absolutely not a lie either, it does happen, it is a problem. It's valid to be upset about this!

In my opinion and experience, these are both significant problems predicated upon the same, overall issues:

not respecting choices and preferences equally

performative activism in fictional communities

requiring personal information as justification in order to respect choices/preferences as valid and not problematic

not being interested in writing for its own sake and characters for their own sake, but rather, what they say about oneself/in validation and display of one's ideals and/or personhood

not understanding that just because a character is x, y, or z does not, actually, make them interesting or a good character, let alone to everyone

So, I really think the answer here isn't saying that there is a single problem with muse gender across the board, everywhere and without variables, and demanding that people "respect," a thing that actually translates into "you must accept all of x as writing partners no matter your interest in them or viability, as writing partners" all of any one type of muse. I think that's just weirdly pressuring and remaining at a distance from the incredibly simple answer of accepting that people have preferences that do not always benefit you, that you might even find offensive, but that's a right they have.

It's okay if you're not interested in the conventionally attractive, canon male muse, even if someone has HC'ed him as queer. It's okay if you're not interested in the Strong Woman female OC, even if someone has given her other labels of significance. It's okay if you're not interested in someone's well-developed, well-written female OC or canon, someone's male OC or canon, or someone's proudly genderless creature. (Again, don't come at me folks, I literally call myself that, it's a joke based on the way people who do not ascribe to the gender binary can be treated/viewed by others who do, thanks!)

Your likes and dislikes are okay! Even if they're "not inclusive," yes. So long as you're not being a fucking bigot, you're alright. It isn't anyone's job here to be correct the ills of reality in their fiction, let's just all start focusing less on the fine details and more on respecting each other regardless of whether individual preferences benefit us or not.

Forcing people to interact based on guilting or shaming them is the opposite of the answer. Always. And just because it is one extreme in your RPC area does not mean it's like this in everyone else's. I'm genuinely sorry that anyone has experienced negative things based on such ridiculous factors, but please, be sure you're not turning around and doing the same shit to someone else.

Going to repeat:

Forcing people to interact based on guilting or shaming them is the opposite of the answer. Always.

[duorchid]

I…………..spent a good ten minutes typing out about all of this… I talked loosely talked about my story, and about how I wanna start posting more about my own stories and stuff… I tagged it all… I talked about all my baby characters in my story and why I love them… and James and Eleanor mostly, bc I love them more than anything…

So I go to hit that glorious blue “post” button after all my hard work of thinking about what to say that was both informative, witty, interesting, slightly humorous, and engaging… and then I get directed to my home page… with this little notification at the bottom of my screen saying “an error has occurred.”

ALL MY HARD WORK ON THAT IS GONE NOW BUT ITS FINE!!! I’M OKAY AND DEFINITELY NOT MAD, ESPECIALLY BC I MADE THE FOOLISH MISTAKE OF NOT COPYING EVERYTHING I WROTE SO THAT’S WHAT I’M DEALING W/ RN.

But it’s fine. Uhhhhhhh, idk if anyone would actually read it or anything, or be interested in my story in any way shape or form (I have about three going on in my head rn, and this one doesn’t have a name (only one of my stories does but I’m not gonna talk about that one at all bc. It’s complicated and explaining it all would be difficult lmao sorry) but rn I’m just calling this story “Generations.”).

But I guess I’ll just. Write a little tid bit and not go into much detail bc all the energy for that was wASTED BC IM A DUMBASS but it’s fine. It’s fine. However if you are interested, please please please let me know!!! I would love to post more about it and to get motivation to draw more/write more pertaining to it!

Okay so. The main guy in the Greatest Generation for my story is James Patch.

James Patch - I love him so much, he’s a really really sweet, good boy. He’s a poor farm boy turned WWI vet. w/ shell shock (what they referred to before naming it PTSD)

Eleanor Green - James’ future wife/highschool sweetheart. I. Love. Eleanor. So. Much. She’s a strong willed gal in a time when gals were told not to be strong willed. But she’s from a v rich family that doesn’t want her marrying a poor rich boy even if he genuine loves her (which he does, it’s good and pure)

Lucille Green - Eleanor’s oldest sister, she’s the poised elegant sister and she’s the perfect example of how a woman “should be” (feel free to roll your eyes, I sure did lmao). But Lucille is also v sweet and Eleanor looks up to her, even if she doesn’t wanna be some trophy wife.

Ruby Green - Eleanor’s second oldest sister, she’s the beauty of the town. The beautiful, flirty sister that loves living her best life. She gives Eleanor a hard time (especially when she starts going steady w/ James).

Cecil Green - Eleanor’s younger brother and only son of the family, making him the automatic favorite (Eleanor’s Dad is a misogynistic dick bag) and ofc he grows up to be a selfish prick w/ little regard for anyone else.

Mr. Lewis Green - head of the Green family, big dick bag (as mentioned before), he wants his girls to marry the richest men they can, very NOT happy when Eleanor meets James for obvious reasons. If you can’t tell, Lewis isn’t a great guy.

Mrs. Diana Green - Lewis’s wife. They got married very young and the marriage is AWFUL and they can’t get out of it bc divorce was socially unacceptable. Lewis married her bc she was hot and didn’t realize she’s a complete airhead, Diana married him bc he was rich and didn’t realize he was a terrible dick. But she tries to make the best out of it, and she loves her kids a lot but has a lot of the same ideas Lewis does about what’s “right” for them :///

Mr. William Patch - James’ father who grew up on the Patch farm all his life, from a line of Irish Immigrants who came to the U.S. during the Potato Famine and the farm has been in the family ever since.

Mrs. Anna Patch - James’ mother who moved to Missouri from Germany w/ her family when she was a teenager. She and William hit it off pretty freakin’ well, and William loved her German accent a lot. They’re also a v pure couple.

Lmao I know this probably looks like a lot but I promise I had more before I lost it all and it was much much more in-depth but maybe this was better?? Idk, please please let me know if you guys liked it and want to hear more bc I promise I will deliver! (Spoiler Alert: I’m going to post more about this story and other ones in the future regardless)

[diogenesthegrouch]

so i wrote my reply to that thing while laying in bed the other night, jsyk. im now on my computer so here comes the chatter about SIGYN and Angrboda and mothers and wives and first wives and second wives and everything in between.

things to consider:

1. the pure LACK of solid, 1000 percent “this is exactly how they said these figures were” evidence for either goddess. 2. the small amount of what we know being told through various translations by various people with various biases and cultural norms that might be reflected in their work (the big one: snorri mcchristian u dig?) 3. that a lot of what i am about to say is wholly MY UPG but it is based on my belief that gods are bigger than the boxes we put them in.

So the person either changed their post or deactivated but they wrote:

“ I would rather be like Angerboda than Sigyn.  I want passion, and justice, and emotion to keep me with my love.  Not duty.  Mistresses are remembered by history, not the wives. “

which, ok, feel free to totally dig a few things: not being married! having passion and justice and emotion!

feel free to NOT dig these things: the really grossly misogynistic idea that a woman who’s (limited and not fully fleshed out/discovered) story revolves around the act of physically kneeling forever at her husband’s side to protect him from dripping venom... is in fact ALL ABOUT HIM and has nothing more to do with anything else at all. like way to put sigyn in the smallest fucking box possible my dude.

let’s have some fun thinking about the mindset of sigyn falling to her knees.

firstly, sigyn herself is hardly spoken of heavily enough to say for sure what she is the goddess OF besides being a LOYAL wife because she sticks with loki through his torture, DESPITE him being the root cause of their own children’s death. the assumption here is an easy one to make, sure. most people would at first glance say “wow, this woman is devoted to her husband.”

except she’s not listed in kennings about loki in ways that would make you think she’s happy with him about this. he is called the BURDEN of her arms, and simply “husband of sigyn” and “galdr’s hapt”. the last bit, i’ll be HONEST AS FUCK... the theories about this i can find are still people’s upg for the most part. but sure, let’s say this assumes sigyn has some magical power related to binding or warding.. this further opens up a lot of ideas about her that are easily tied to loki only OR....

you might think of something BIGGER than that tiny box of a story.

if sigyn is a magician she is more than likely, as with most female magicians, using a form of magic that connects heavily with being a seer. a wild god like loki married to someone calm, collected, and consistently the weight on his chain is a pretty obvious trope to go for here. it’s what most people would want to assume but what if sigyn wasn’t these things?

what if she was just as wild? just as OTHER? a volva who traveled as much as volva were known to do? someone who, like other goddesses with the gift of seidr (whether taught to her or learned by nurture/nature if she was a fertility vanir), knew of ragnarok?

and knew that one day her sons would die.

and one day her husband would lead the final battle against the gods.

and one day everything would END.

what would YOU do if you were this woman? bend a knee to protect your husband? or are you bending a knee to let the cycle play out a little longer because you also know the more the venom drips the more loki shakes the quicker he escapes.

the quicker comes final death and rebirth and you KNOW cycles, you are a woman who has been through them before as all women have before you. you are intimate with the idea of seasons and a time for everything, even death.

so no, i don’t think sigyn is LOYAL and CONSISTENT when it comes to LOKI. I think she loves him and that includes all the chaos in him too but she is loyal to the way things must pass, to how all things must end, to how sometimes a wildfire must purge the brush before a forest can grow healthy and strong once more.

and saying she’s only loki’s wife and that’s just her story just feels narrow minded to me.

not to mention pitting her against boda feels even more gross because if anything, if sigyn IS other then she likely accepts that loki has had his fill of others. i don’t see people putting frigga in the same place against all the lovers odin has ever had, why sigyn against boda?

ALSO, the coolest fucking post i have ever seen from an excellent source on language is this one, talking about the possibilities of sigyn’s name being something BESIDES victory girlfriend. rope joy? ROPE JOY? a goddess who finds she may be filled with sorrow and anguish for having to play the part she does, for having to give up sons for the greater cycle of things, but who loves and embraces the binding nature of these things??????

anyway remember: this is a LOT of UPG but god, how can we really put her into such a small box when there is so much room out there for her mystery to bloom?

edit to add: yes this does mean i’m way irked by every single version of sigyn dreamt of making her soft and kind and full of mercy, as if she does everything she does for a MAN. this doesn’t mean she can’t HAVE those traits but it does mean that as a woman who lost TWO children and went to her knees to “protect” the man who’s fault that was... you gotta be shitting me if you god damn think her love for loki is so pure and perfect that she does that for HIM and not for some cosmic and bigger picture.

so many of you guys claim she is a strong brave goddess and then make her out to be weak in such a way that makes me want to scream. if she is strong it’s because she’s willing to stay there and willing to put off her own possible death and the end of all things, including her grief, for the sake of others... all nine realms worth of people. i love loki and sigyn as a pair as much as the next person but fuck THAT noise right there.

[footbaliimagines]

to be loved and to be in love (a whoever-you-want-it-to-be imagine)

I don’t think anyone understands how badly I want to love and to be loved. It’s all I think about.

(inspired by the above post that I saw reblogged onto my dash a few times. the title is taken from 18 by one direction)

(p.s. this could really be about anyone, not necessarily just a footballer because nothing is too specific. i kind of just wrote this during a lunch break so please excuse any mistakes or bits that don’t add up haha)

(p.p.s. my exams are finished in 3 weeks tomorrow so that’s when you’ll next see some writing!! I love love love receiving all requests so please carry on sending me them!!!!)

-

 You used to lie in bed and think about what it might be like to share your sheets with someone else.

How it might feel to have someone to come home to, to kiss, to dance with, to share your days and equally, your nights with, to text constantly throughout the day.

You never thought that you’d be one of those girls, as you used to sneer.

You never thought you’d pine so desperately for someone to love you and equally, to love someone back, because you were independent, focused on your work, encircled by so many brilliant friends, men and women alike, that your romantic endeavours had seemingly been on the backburner ever since, well, forever.

It wasn’t like you didn’t meet guys.

(Or take them home afterwards.)

But your standards were impeccably high, and you would always find a fault with every guy that wanted to take things a step further, or asked you for a second date. Your friends called you picky, but you insisted it was just that you were focused and busy and knew precisely what you were looking for.

(Sure.)

And for the most part, it was fine, 100% a-okay, because it meant that you avoided the pain and the heartbreak, and steered clear of boys with little more on their mind than vodka and fucking the next girl they saw. The amount of times that your friends had approached you with horror stories of dates leaving the next morning without saying goodbye, or they had come to your door in tears because of a guy fucking them over you up entirely.

And you understood, to some extent, because you weren’t Bridget Jones, or Meg Ryan in some 1980s-romantic comedy, and you weren’t going to be swept off your feet at the top of the Empire State Building, whisked down the canals of Venice or taken on a helicopter ride across the Champs-Elysees.

You were just you.

Normal, hardworking, average you.

The feeling gradually got worse as you progressed through your 20s, you found. It wasn’t so much that you were lonely, because you were never short of wonderful people in your life or plans for the weekend, it was more that watching your friends fall in love, get engaged, meet guys, meet future in-laws, made you feel like a bit of an outsider.

You were the funny, perpetually single, serial-one-night-stand friend, the comic relief to your friends’ relationship woes, unable to relate to how they felt coming home after a date with a guy they swear could marry right there and then.

You just want to love and to give your all.

You just want to be loved and feel confident in knowing that somewhere on the planet there's someone who feels the same about you as you do them.

You want to meet him.

(And eventually, finally, you do.)

You meet him at a bar, on a Saturday night in June.

The night unfolds in an all-too familiar way– the friends you came with have all either spent the better part of the last hour talking to a cute guy that approached them by the bartender, and you’ve politely turned down the last 2 guys to approach you and ask for the same.

(One had a wandering hand which definitely did not belong curled around your waist before you’d even exchanged names, and the other started off your conversation with a crude, probably misogynist comment about your arse that made you throw up a bit in your mouth.)

(Jesus, if turning down men like that made you picky then you would gladly accept the prize of being the pickiest woman alive.)

It was a bizarre, contradictory paradox that you found yourself in. Wanting to meet a guy and fall hopelessly, ridiculously, head over heels in love, but simultaneously rejecting the vast majority of those coming over and saying hello. It was probably because you’d spent too much time constructing the idea of your perfect man in your head.

He would be tall, handsome and funny, but not overly brash or eager to become the centre of attention, more so witty and quick to make dry, sarcastic comments at lightning speed. He’d be empathetic, care about his family, and his friends and just about everything else, the environment, the state of the current world, the need to do more and say more and help those in need. And he would be nervous, or just a bit shy, because cockiness was a turnoff like nothing else in your eyes, and able to sweep you off your feet with words but not feeling the need to make exaggerated, cheesy, vomit-inducing romantic gestures. He would be driven and able to motivate you as well, but not so career-focused that he would be willing to step on everyone else to get to the top, or so competitive that everything was a game with the ultimate aim of getting 1 up on you.

(It was idealistic, sure.)

(But wasn’t being that the very essence of romance in the first place?)

“I don’t mean to seem like a stalker, but you’ve drank four of those funny-coloured cocktails in the space of about 20 minutes, and I was wondering if maybe you needed to talk?” A deep voice chuckles over your shoulder, soft and light over the jazz music playing in the background.

You roll your eyes, as if by instinct, and shrug your shoulders. “They’re non-alcoholic, but I appreciate the observation.” You remark.

“Ah.” He nods, and you look at him properly.

He’s fiddling with the bottom of his shirt, holding a glass of coke in his other hand and looking at you intently. He’s tall and well-built, with broad shoulders stretching the material of his white shirt and there’s a hint of stubble casting a shadow on his jawline. When he looks at you directly, you’re pretty sure everything else in the room save his smile and the pleasant flickering of the ambient lighting disappears.

It’s romantic and fuzzy and dream-like, and it must be too good to be true.

Surely.

(Right?)

You attempt a smile, but it’s probably more like a grimace at this point, and he returns it, a light pink washing over his cheeks. “Can I sit?”

“I don’t own the bar.”

His face falls at your comment and he frowns ever so slightly, but he attempts a smile once more and takes a seat on the stool furthest to your right, leaving a seat empty in between. You can’t help but smile. Was your resting bitch face and default hostile tone really that intimidating?

“I’m sorry.” You pipe up.

“For?”

“For being an arse.”

He laughs. “If that’s being an arse to you, then you must be a bloody nice person.”

His eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs, and you can’t fight the grin on your lips. “I’m not usually this moody.” You muse. “When you’ve been ditched by all your friends, it’s kind of a given, though.”

“Ditched?”

“They’re here, somewhere.” You spin on your stool and turn away from the bar, scanning the vicinity, glancing across the tables and the makeshift dance floor in the middle. “There's Emma, with that guy in the corner. Megan’s on the dance floor over on that side and that’s- wait, no, that's Hannah getting off with that middle-aged guy by the smoking area.”

“Does this happen often?”

“What, me being left by myself while my friends go off and get with random guys?”

He nods.

“Happens more times that I’d like to admit.” You laugh, slightly resentful at how bitter you sound, and sip at your straw until only slush is left at the bottom of your glass.

“I’m not sure how.” He speaks up, after a moment of lulled silence. “You’re, well- you’re…” He trails off and is unable to meet your eyes.

You desperately try to meet his gaze, subconsciously tightening your grip on your glass and mentally willing him to talk. Raising an eyebrow, you drill your gaze into him further, prompting him to say something.

(Say something.)

(Speak before I throw my glass at your beautiful head, you think.)

“You’re beautiful, is what I’m trying to say.” He eventually stutters out.

This time, it’s your turn to blush.

“God, I’m sorry.” He groans before letting out a nervous laugh and pushing his stool back to stand up. “Right. I’ll be off. I’m sorry Have a nice night.”

“You don’t have to leave.”

“Are you sure?”

“100%.”

And he sits down again, clumsily introduces himself and reaches to shake your hand only to knock over your glass and accidentally grope your chest when reaching over to apologise.

He asks for your name, and then your favourite vegetable and if you’re a cat or a dog person. He’s a footballer, just turned 28 and in the prime of his career, a committed Netflix-binger who loves his dog more than just about anyone or anything, recycles absolutely everything and has been committed to improving and bettering himself since the day he decided that kicking around a ball was what he do everyday.

(Driven, empathetic, funny, caring, dedicated)

(Pretty much a full house.)

He laughs when you tell him you’re perpetually single because you can’t quite seem to find the guy who makes it all click for you, because he’s the complete same, in love with the idea of love and being in love, wanting to find that one great person to spend the rest of his life with and stay with until his end of days.

(And a very, very happy six months later you discover that apparently, it’s you.)

(Who’d have thought?)

[virtualman17-blog]

Top 10 Reasons Not to Support the Developer of Yandere Simulator (Yandere Dev/EvaXephon/Alex Mahan)

Yandere Simulator: A game with a good idea but with a very corrupt developer. Yandere Dev/Alex has become a epicenter of controversy ever since people discovered all of his dark secrets, causing him to lose supporters left and right and this list is dedicated to alerting people about his twisted personality and why people should NOT Support him.

And also because my previous list on this subject got taken down on thetoptens.com by a snob-nosed, dick-sucking, twat, I'm going to remake it with even more evidence again that little shit-licker’s master!

1. Yandere Simulator is a Revenge Act Against High School Girls Who Rejected Him

This is not only the biggest reason as to why Yandere Dev sucks but it also coexists with several other things on this list. Back in Alex's high school days he was constantly trying to get with several high school girls but ultimately got rejected - for obvious reasons. And so when Alex made Yandere Simulator - a game about slaughtering girls as a whole, he can feel like he's getting revenge on them by killing them in brutal, painful and horrendous ways. Disgusting! And because the male Senpai in the game is a self-insert of Alex and he made him so "perfect and flawless" and has a lot of busty, mindless girls swooning over him, Alex gets of recreate what he thinks his life in school "should've been". Alex if you are reading this: leave the internet for good!

2. He is a Pedophile

Is there any limitation as to how low this a-hole can sink?! Anyways there is a TON of evidence that point towards his pedophilia like in his cesspool of a game in where even though it takes place at a high school you get to look up girl's skirts, take pictures and sell them and Alex is planning to make it possible to get female students in his game get kidnapped and sold off to sex slavery! Theres also a pedophile teacher who's name is literally "indecent" in Japanese who is after your crush and on top of that nearly all of the girls in the game have unnaturally large breasts, some of them have boobs bigger than their heads. And when people called Alex out on this he said that all of the students are 18 years old, but really there are other grades in high school - four to be exact - and the age gap in practically all high schools is ages 15-18 on average. He only likes girls with large breasts as he once said "Does she have big breasts? Then why should I care?". He should be more worried about what women can do with their fists and feet if they get anywhere him if he keeps this up. He's also been having disturbing affairs with underaged girls as young as 14 years old and he knows that they're too young for him despite the fact that he says "he didn't know", he asked her for nudes and Alex even tried to defend pedophilia by calling it "a sexual orientation". He also hires a lot of former hentai artists like kjach to draw extremely perverted drawing of his characters and one of them has Iyano (you ready for this) getting raped by a dog. (face palm) And of coarse we can't forget about his "lovely" fan fictions. One of them being called "I Am Your Slave" which is about a submissive, dumb, woman who is a slave and is happy to be so - Alex's type of girl, and the other is "Life of a Sex Slave" which is about a woman who grew up as a sex slave and only knows how to live as one. I swear Alex here is making the Twilight and Fifty Shades of Gray books look like masterpieces and I thought that was impossible! There’s just no hope for this guy, he is just gone.

3. He Can't Handle Criticism

As we all probably know, when someone becomes an artist and no matter how well we do we can't exactly please everybody. And what normally separates a good artist from a bad one aside from their work is their ability to accept criticism and Yandere Dev/Alex is NOT one of them. He has attacked several people including my own sister for leaving anything other than praise or most especially: sad but true facts about his poorly made game that frankly deserve all the criticism he gets. If he finds anything on the internet directed towards him that isn't mindless praising he goes down the Donald Scum route and attacks the commenter, and he will ban anyone form his streams about his hilariously bad gameplay skills that don't praise him like a god. He often makes really lame replys like "You dirty SJW!"(real mature and clever) like what he said to my sister one time. But other times he sinks lower than that, a good example is when Yandere Dev banned a mod called the "Size Mod" from his game which allowed you to change Yandere-chan's height and a lot of fans downloaded it but some emailed Yandere Dev instead of the original creator, and Alex called the mod "stupid" and Stickman - a Youtuber who downloaded it told him that was very disrespectful and he told Alex to fu*k off to which then Alex replied by saying "No, you can fu*k off, go stick your dick in a beehive" I don't think he even came up with that insult himself and besides at least Stickman has a real dick! He attacks Kiwifarms.net a lot for telling the truth and there was this artist who used to be a fan of Yandere Simulator who goes by the username of "swoomzie" on PrettyUglyLittleLiar.net who used to draw fan art for Alex's game until she heard about how he loves to steal artwork for his game (Look at "He Constantly Steals From Other Source Materials" for examples) and when she confronted Alex about this and asked him to sign a contract with her to make sure she gets credited for her artwork, he got offended, called her rude and didn't what to work with her anymore. And when people criticized Ayano for being an emotionless plank of wood - same with her Senpai, Alex admitted that he didn't want to give her a personality because he was afraid that he would be criticized for giving her a specific personality. So basically he just admitted that he can't handle criticism and he seriously thinks that giving a character no personality is better than some personality? Why do you think everyone likes Yuno from Future Diary - the most famous Yandere of all time or - who a few people like - male yandere: Damiya from Beast Player Erin? It's because they have a ton of personality, same with virtually every character in Marvel, DC, Persona, Metal Gear Solid, Prince of Persia, Ratchet and Clank, the Tales games and the superhero megaseries that I'm working on myself. And finally another great example is when the original creator of Stop Yandere Dev on Tumblr who was an autistic (no insult) woman called out Alex and pointed out a lot of dark facts about him and Alex found out about this and called her an autistic b**ch. Yeah well f**k you Alex, you ugly, pasty Linguini look-alike! Anyone who uses autism as a slur for "stupid, retarded, freak" or whatever don't deserve to live, because thats talking down to a group of people with a slight mental abnormality. Most autistic people have a sensitivity to loud noises and bright lights and may experience reoccurring daydreaming, but they often have a higher IQ than the average person, are very creative and have a few different ways of learning and I should know because I'm autistic and I'm anything but stupid! I'm one of the highest graded students in the schools I went to and I'm doing a great job at designing my own series mostly because I don't rip off everything I like and I don't throw an Alex Mahan temper tantrum whenever something doesn't go my way or when I receive something thats less than praising. If you can't handle criticism, than you should stay away from doing anything on the internet but try telling that to someone who's whole life is the internet.

4. He is a Misogynist

Speaking on how he goes against what SJWs stand for he does not know how to treat or even cares about women in the slightest. For starters a vast majority of the girls in his game are oversexualized with massive breasts and are about as dumb as the guy looking down on them (Alex Mahan) and he loves to hire former hentai artists like kjech to draw the most disgusting, pedophiliac pictures of his characters and they are disgusting and unnatural to say the least. And he goes even further with his sexism to where he will pretty much call any girl he doesn't like a b**ch. He writes rape fan fictions like "I Am Your Slave" and "Life of a Sex Slave" and they're about downright stupid, submissive girls who Alex, Trump, the GOP and every deplorable degenerate loves! Plus the man in I Am Your Slave is an insert of Yandere Dev. His deplorable fan fictions make Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey look like Hunger Games and Shakespeare and I though that was impossible! Also he once said that he hasn't interacted with a woman in real life aside of his mom in over a year, gee I wonder why. Maybe it's because he does not know how to treat them properly and that he groups them based on breast size and good looks (Just like the evil orange he likes: Donald Scum) rather than personality, interests, intelligence, skills, social skills?! And that he considers flat-chested women to be deformed and not deserving of his worthless attention? He often slut-shames any woman who talks down to him and anyone who's "not good enough for him", after all he did say one time: "Does she have big breasts? Then why should I care?", DEGENERATE! Now I like hot and beautiful women too and I do admit that I like look at hot girls on the internet and would love to marry a beautiful lady one day, but I draw the line in the sand when it comes to his porn or hentai and I stay away from it. Plus I'm a strong supporter of women's rights and if a marry someone I want her to have some pride in herself and have a good personality as a whole like how all girls should be. If I found someone with the most perfect body but is anything like the women Alex writes in disgusting fan fictions than no thank you! And need I remind you that the female human species is just as important as us men, without one or the other there is no us, so why not treat them with dignity and respect just like how men have been getting it for several centuries? But of coarse the abomination know as Yan Dev who probably couldn't care less about women's rights if it meant saving his own skin just wants to see them as male accessories rather than real people. Screw you Alex, you sexist Trump-spawn!

5. He Constantly Steals Form Other Source Materials

Despite the fact that he mostly has volunteers working on his game that he doesn't pay, he still manages to rip off content after content from other game designers, video games, anime/cartoon shows etc. He likes to pleasure himself by watching, searching on the internet or playing something instead of working on his game and as soon as he sees something he likes, he'll take it, claim ownership and not credit or even mention the original artist. And even when we expose of him for it (like I've said on "He's a Liar") he'll say "It's just a place holder" TRANSLATION: "It's mine now suckers!" He just thinks that if he makes some slight adjustments like changing the color in one or two places, that automatically makes it his, if you get inspiration from somewhere, change about 50% of it so that way: 1. it can't be a rip off and 2. you show respect to the original artist/s. Like what I do for my own franchises! Examples of what he stole: - He stole Doug Clayton's grass texture 3 times! - He's stolen a lot of lines from Undertale. - Like I've said before on "His Characters are Horribly Designed" most of the characters are stolen Unity Store assets. - There's a character named "Fureddo Jonzu" (Fred Jones from Scooby Doo) - let me cry for you. - A lot of the hairstyles are stolen MMD assets. - A lot of the environments in the game are stolen like the gymnasium, the classrooms, the town outside the school, Iyano's bedroom and a few others. - The character "Nemesis-chan" was completely copy-pasted form someone else's work. - He stole a lot of assassination mechanics from Hitman. - He's planning to steal a lot of content from Persona 5 - a game from a critically-praised series with some of the best, most creative and most well-written characters of any game series! Honestly I'm highly surprised that no one has sued his sorry ass yet, if someone did though Alex probably won't be able to live with his parents anymore, and I'm okay with that.

6. Some of His Fans are a Basket of Deplorables

Of course I'm not saying that all of Yan Dev's fans are bad, in fact - most of them are innocent people who just find his game fun and that's that and even if they are aware of all the stuff that we say about him or even know that it's true they still show some dignity to us and just want to have some fun times with Yandere Simulator. But a minority of his fans are just disgusting deplorables that just have to say the most vile, bigotry, bullcrap in existence just because we have a negative view of Yan Dev and his games. And a lot of those particular fans are so loyal and submissive they will follow Alex all the way to hell and to which I hope they do because like I said: they're attack dogs ready to pounce at the first negative comment about Yan Dev they see. The best example on this is what one low-life commented on Oni's Tumblr page "Stop Yandere Dev" and that particular abomination said: "Should I get a penis for "Oni" on her birthday? She seems to really want one. Just a reminder- Tans "men" aren't real men. Why don't you go make someone a sandwich or some babies? That's all women are good for, other than tapping material. You should've never talked s**t about Devpai” Me to Yan Dev deplorable #36667-KKK: F**king degenerate! Two can play at that game - Say what you want to think about trans-men but they have real penises something you obviously lack, and you must feel safe in your mother's basement behind your computer as you are so ugly and gross no woman would never make you a sandwich or a demon spawn in your name and you wouldn't be able to say all that deplorable talk to Oni's face, for the fact that you are afraid of women because they are so much stronger than you and Oni herself could effortlessly bash your head in so hard it will come flying out your tight a**hole. And speaking of penises, how does Devpai's nonexistent dick taste? Keep sucking on it until you choke or get one of the many diseases Devpai is carrying as it will rid the world of one less problem we have to concern ourselves about! I really would love to leave that one comment to any Alex fanboy, I would love to.

7. His Game and Characters are Horribly Designed

Aside from the fact that Alex's game is like a hentai without the sex with brainless women that have breasts and butt-cheeks bigger than their empty heads and guys with di*ks so big that they will have to pee in the bath tub, that is if they can fit them through the bathroom door. His characters are by far the most poorly made shells-of-men and women i've ever seen! For starters most of his character's names are just really lame puns that more or less reflect what little personality they have, an example is Osoro which means "awful" in Japanese and heres a few more: - Osana Najimi (Childhood Friend) - She's not even fully implemented in the game yet. - Geiju Teuka (Artist) - Mai Waifu (Means: my female anime crush) - Midori Gurin (Green Green) - Sakyu Basu & Inkyu Basu ((Sound like "Succubus & Inkubus" )Obviously) - Mida Rana (Indecent) The game also takes place at high school but the students all wear sailor uniforms, only middle-schoolers wear them while high-schoolers normally wear neckties with blazers. Plus virtually all of his characters are stolen Unity Store Assets - which he says he's going to replace in the future but he won't, just watch! And on top of that, they all have even less personality then the Twilight characters in which their only character trait has something to do with their pun names. Also Yandere-chan (Iyano Aishi) - the character you play is described as an emotionless, dull, empty killer-in-love that "inherited" her Yandere trait from her mother which is NOT how a Yandere should be! Yanderes are solely motivated by emotion especially love and fear and will kill based off of their emotions if they see any potential rival in their crazy obsession over the man/woman they want to be with if it kills them. Alex loves Japan yet he knows nothing about them and their culture, and he knows about as much on making characters as Donald Trump knows about being a President, in other words: HE KNOWS NOTHING!!!

8. He Hates Social Justice Warriors

Social Justice Warriors or SJWs are good people and I'm one myself, their only goal is to stop all sexism, racism, homophobia, and just all forms of bigotry and prejudice in general so that everyone, no matter how they're born don't get treated as second class, as objects or even as criminals just because they're not white, straight, Christian men. The only people they don't support are actual criminals. And fun fact: people who usually hate SJWs are often racist, sexist, homophobic, hateful, Nazi-loving, KKK, fascist, deplorables like about half of Donald Trump's supporters as well as Trump himself and Alex Mahan (Yandere Dev) - who also supports Trump. Some SJWs may go a bit too far and take their ideals to the extreme to where it's white men above everyone else being reversed, but those "SJWs" are extremists and unfortunately they give the rest of the SJW's a bad name like "extreme liberals". But I know that it goes both ways, there are both extreme liberals and conservatives and they both have terrible ideals on how one or two groups of people "deserve" more respect than the others and normal SJWs are not like that, we are EQUAL RIGHTS not ethnic or gender dominance - because that wouldn't be "equal" now wouldn't it? And when you see all those stupid, unfactual anti-SJW memes and rants on the internet calling SJWs "bullies", "bigots", "racists", "criminals", "stupid", "hateful", "whiny", "cancerous" or whatever, those dumb memes and rants were made by REAL bullies, bigots, racists, and criminals that ARE stupid, hateful, whiny, and cancerous low-lifes! On top of that, Yandere Dev has been seen making friends with people on 4-Chan - one of the worst anti-SJW cesspools on the internet. And the people on 4-Chan talk like Nazis and KKK scum and Yandere Dev likes to pander to them about making Yandere Simulator the most anti-SJW game in existence and he's on a roll with that as it is already filled with, incest, misogyny, pedophilia and indecent exposure. Oh how I dream of the day when I can ban all anti-equal rights garbage from the internet, as well as Alex himself.

9. He's Notoriously Known as "EvaXephon" on Other Sites

When Yandere Dev is not working on his game for two minutes a day, he is doing terrible streams on other sites under "EvaXephon" by streaming video game playthroughs for up to 21 hours straight with horrendous gaming skills. I've seen some of his streams and he has played quite a few games that I've played myself and I'm SO much better than he is, in fact - for every time I've died in a level Alex has died like ten or even twenty times and if you suck at video games don't show it on the internet, unless it's for a comedy of errors. Anyways one such site he's been streaming on is Twitch and he often likes to leave links to his crumby streams and a lot of people hate him for it. On a side note: Yandere Simulator got banned on Twitch and while Alex says "It's those dirty SJWs" I'm sure we all know why it got banned in the first place, am I right?

10. He's a Liar

This may be one of the more "mild" cases of Yandere Dev's guiltiness but he does this often, like on a daily basis "often" and a lot of his fans believe him but you don't have to have a camera in his room to see what he's doing. Because he records himself doing other things! A perfect example is on how he always says that he works "very hard, nonstop" on his game but really he just works on it for 5 minutes a day and then spends the rest of the day streaming his crappy gaming skills for several hours straight, one time he did it for 21 hours in one day. And I know how he feels, after all I need "some time off" every time I finish one math question at school, my school was so brutal! I'm joking of course but other examples of when Alex lies is when we question him on how he doesn't pay any of his volunteers who work on his game for him but he says that he does. Yeah, and Donald Trump cares about Mexican and Muslim lives! (Not!!!) But probably the best example is when we point out how he steals something from other (real) artists or source materials and he either says that he stole nothing and it's his or he says "it's just a placeholder" but in reality he's saying "It's saying there forever whether you like it of not". - This will come back later...