#-wish the pants were longer. they weren’t labeled as petite. they go down to my knees though

[roses-and-tears]

what was I supposed to do again

[keytomythoughts]

Perfect Imperfections | Chapter 2

Chapter Index

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“Wait, you’re making your debut soon? You were still a trainee when I was in high school, right?”

He nods, one hand on the steering wheel while the other hangs outside of the car. “The company told me a month ago, so we’ve been practicing like crazy. Fortunately, practice ended early today, so I was able to swing by and pick you up from the train station.”

I smile smugly, punching his arm playfully. “Aww, you did miss me. Look at that.”

He snorts but doesn’t refute my statement. 

The evening sky is dusted in shades of rose, gold, and soft orange, the mix enveloping the horizon similar to a canvas being brushed with aesthetic paints. The clouds hang low, the sun casting shadows on the tallest of buildings with its warm, pale-yellow glow. The wind doesn’t nip at us sharply, instead shifting to a more calming, serene breeze. 

The car ride shouldn’t have lasted as long as it did, but I realize halfway that he was purposely taking the longer routes home. Sensing my lurking apprehension from our phone call hours ago, my brother picked up on that cue and decided to distract me as much as he could before we inevitably had to return.

Something my parents failed to realize. 

“Oh right, I forgot to ask,” Jaehyun stares ahead and switches lanes with ease, heading towards yet another highway, “how are Eunwoo and Moonbin?”

I did mention that Eunwoo and Jaehyun are close friends as well, so it wasn’t surprising when I found out that he knows of my friends circle. Well, those two really. Imagine my horror when I realized that they were the same age and friends. Shocking at first, but I got used to it. Besides, it’s not like we were awkward about it or anything. Moonbin also knew my brother, so we all essentially got along fairly well. 

I push the strands of hair away from my face, glancing down at my phone in my lap to find no new notifications from them since I last texted. Sighing, I look out to my right. “They’re fine. Both of them are gonna be in Seoul for the summer, so we’re just planning on hanging out until college starts.”

“Have you guys decided where to go, what you want to study?” 

I shrug my shoulders. “Not really. I mean, I’ve been thinking about medicine at Korea University, but,” I sink into the seat a little, sighing, “you know it’s not up to me.” My voice drops to a whisper near the end, my eyes casting towards the road ahead. 

Jaehyun turns to me, taking his hand off the steering wheel to gently pat my arm. “I know, sis. I really do. But still,” he removes his hand and places it back on the wheel, his eyes refocusing back on the road, “you should tell them what you want to do. Who knows, they might listen this time.”

I snort, crossing my arms over my chest. I tilt my head back against the seat, turning to look at my brother. “You really think so?”

To this, he doesn’t respond. How could he? It would be a lie meant to comfort me, but we both know the truth. He simply sighs, running a hand through his hair and leaving it behind his neck. I heave another sigh as well, both of us knowing that things may not work out the way we would like them to. 

This wouldn’t be the first time anyways.

We exit the freeway and merge onto the familiar streets of my neighborhood. Soon enough, we were pulling up into our driveway, the nervousness replacing the initial excitement of being back home. Jaehyun turns off the engine, neither of us making a move to leave the car first. Of course, with my nerves shot and breathing shallow, there would be no way I could go inside alone. Lucky for me, I’m not.

But why can’t I shake this sick feeling?

Jaehyun reaches out and squeezes my hand once, flashing that stupid grin of his at me. “C’mon, let’s go inside. Your oppa will protect you~”

I swat his hand away, my nose wrinkling in disgust but the laughter bubbles in my throat. He rubs my head again before removing his shades and stepping out of the car. Before I can unbuckle and step out myself, Jaehyun already stands at my side, holding my luggage. He waits patiently until I close the door behind me, my steps wavering slightly as I stand before the elaborately carved wooden door of our house. 

Jaehyun nudges my shoulder, smirking. “It won’t bite, Hyu.”

I roll my eyes as I follow right behind him. He unlocks the door and turns the doorknob and disappears past the threshold. I trail close behind him, a breath catching in my throat as I walk towards the living room. Everything was the way I remembered it, minus the new decorative pieces presumably from my father’s visits abroad. Living as a surgeon requires him to embark on trips overseas, sometimes not returning for months at a time. My mother, on the other hand, doesn’t actively practice surgery, instead deciding to teach as a medical professor at a top university in the northern district of Seoul. 

Four years and nothing has changed, huh? 

Jaehyun states that he’s going to put my belongings in my room before coming back down, and I nod at him. Just as he ascends up the stairs, my mother emerges from the kitchen, smoothing down the front of her lavish apron, a tight smile adorning her small, petite face. Her reddish-brown hair is worn in a small bun, her glasses hanging from her shirt. I won’t lie to you, my mother is a beautiful woman, even in her late forties. Smart, rich, and insanely polished. Not only her, but my father is the same as well. It’s no surprise where my brother gets his enviable features from, while I question what leftovers were given to me. I never believed myself to be smart or beautiful, like my parents. Nor was I carefree and sociable, like my brother. Sometimes I question if I was ever adopted, seeing as I seem to be my family’s outlier. The odd-one-out. Yet, Moonbin and Eunwoo highlighted those little bits of me that I’ve shamed myself on. Where I saw disappointment, they saw genuity. The “flaws” were my strengths. They prided me on the things my parents didn’t view so favorably. 

How I wish they were with me right now.  

My mom approaches me, enveloping me in a rather tight embrace. Wasn’t expecting that, but I reciprocate the action anyway.

“Hyuna, dear, I’m so glad you’re home,” she pulls away, grabbing me by my arms as her eyes scan my face, smiling, “and you’ve gotten so much prettier. I see your aunt took care of you well, I’m glad.” She places a hand against my cheek.

I smile nervously. “Happy to be back, mom. Sorry for not informing you and dad that I was coming back today.”

She shakes her head, tapping my cheek lightly before moving away from me. “Nonsense, dear. Your father is in his study, so he’ll be down shortly. I know how very tired you must be, so let’s set the table for dinner.” She shuffles back towards the kitchen, soon bringing out various utensils and a stack of plates. I immediately grab them from her and arrange the items on the table for the four of us. My mom kisses the top of my head and smooths my hair down, returning to the kitchen so she could bring out the meals. 

Something’s not right here.

My mother isn’t really the affectionate type. While it was blatantly obvious that I wasn’t the favorite child, that title reserved for Jaehyun (again, no surprise there), they didn’t really hate me, if that makes sense. They just tended to leave Jaehyun to do as he pleases, while I would have to listen to them. I don’t doubt that they care for us both, as good parents should, but I can’t help but feel disheartened when they would dismiss my feelings and decide to enforce their own ideals on me. Claiming that this would be “the best for me”.

As much as I respect my parents for raising me to be the ambitious, hardworking woman that I am, a part of me wishes that they would see me as a person with hopes and aspirations of my own, not just an extension of their legacy. 

How could they decide what’s best for me when I don’t even have the ability to voice them myself?

Moments later, my father descends from the stairs, my brother walking down from behind him as well. It seems like he’s been busy with office meetings, seeing as he’s still dressed in his formal beige button-up shirt and black dress pants. His glasses sit perfectly on the bridge of his nose, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants. 

I bow my head in respect. “Good evening, Father.”

He acknowledges my presence with a curt nod. No surprise again. He’s a man of few words, but when he does speak, he’s blunt and gets straight to the point. Wasting time and skirting around the truth has never been his philosophy. He practically radiates with superiority and firmness. From the stoic expression on his face to his neatly styled brown hair, my father was nothing short of a posh man in his early fifties. The best surgeon, the perfect doctor, the staple of all admirable men in South Korea.

In short, he’s practically worshipped by professionals across the nation. 

Naturally, my brother and I take great pride in our parents and our family’s rather successful and lavish legacy. Of course, with this reputation, it’s expected of us to uphold it. Education must be nothing short of challenging. Careers must be everything but disappointing. Appearances had to be pristine, no flaws or shortcomings apparent.

You get the picture.

My brother attended college for a short while—a year and a few months, if I’m not wrong—before dropping out once he got scouted by a reputable entertainment label. I don’t know specific details, but I do know that my parents weren’t initially too pleased to hear that he wanted to pursue a career as an idol singer. Nonetheless, and with the things Jaehyun was allowed to get away with, this was just another thing to be added to that list. I figured my father would come around and think that the Jungs shouldn’t be limited to more “sophisticated” fields—medicine, law, business, and the like. Branching out and including fine arts, including performance, would only solidify the notion that our family is meant to dominate every field imaginable with integrity and poise. 

My mother and I finish setting up the table and call for the rest to sit. Seeing the variety of dishes laid out, you would think it was a special occasion. Surely they weren’t celebrating my graduation as class Valedictorian. I haven’t told them any of my accomplishments, but I’m sure they had their means of getting access to my reports even before I was made aware of them. Connections, the most vital thing in the Jung family. It’s what helps us climb ranks and secure top positions in society. Why we’re so heavily respected, as well as feared. 

Jaehyun and I sit adjacent to each other while our parents are seated across us. We begin to eat in silence. Nothing too different from how we had family dinners back then, albeit the absence of my father or mother from late meetings or an overseas conference. To be quite frank, it did seem strange to have a meal with all of us present after so long.

My father suddenly clears his throat. “Hyuna, I heard from the teachers at your high school that you performed excellently. I’m pleased to hear this.”

I pause, my eyes training up to meet his steady gaze. Though pleased, he didn’t seem to express it facially. A direct complement is seldom said, so it comes as no surprise that it was the only thing I, or my brother, would be receiving. 

Jaehyun nudges me, realizing that I hadn’t responded as my father awaits with the same steady expression.    

“O-Oh, thank you, Father.”

He nods, placing his utensil back down on the plate before clasping his hands in front of him.

“Now that you’ve graduated, have you considered your possible college options and future career plans?”

This. This is the very question I’ve been dreading.

I can feel the air around me grow thick with anticipation. His words hang in the air, the words to respond with the scripted lines I’ve recited endlessly in my brain unable to fall from my lips. I suddenly recall what Jaehyun and Moonbin had told me prior, to try and voice my opinions in hopes that they may be heard and properly considered this time. After all, I would never know if I didn't try. Here’s my chance.

But, my father continues upon my brief hesitation. “With your academic record, you would have no issue enrolling in the top universities within the country. Even abroad, if you considered that as well.”

I gulp, my fingers clenching tightly in my lap. I force my rapid heart to slow its pace in fear that it may burst out of my chest, my breathing trying to be as calm as it can be. I can feel Jaehyun eyeing me from the side, and my mother stops eating as well. 

There’s silence. One which I break when I open my mouth to let the words bottled up in my mind spill out before I can properly think them through.

“I want to stay here, in Seoul.”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 

[jeonnucho-blog]

“Makes twelve copies of this.” You instructed the poor intern, handing her the project proposal for the meeting later. “I need that by 4pm this afternoon. That’s all. You may leave.”

She nodded with the proposal in her hands and then left your office. You are the edit-in-chief of a famous magazine. Every day is a shitty day for you at work, lots of paper works stacked on your table and on days when you have your period, it’s like every day seems to annoy you. Your known as the Ice Queen in the office, the interns feared you and the people working with you are all intimidated by you which just justifies how efficient you are in you line of work.

You and Namjoon go way back even before he became famous. He came first before you even got your position in your current workplace, before you were known to be the Ice Queen. A few months ago, you were dating secretly until he decided that he wants to go public with you. He told you that he talked about it with his label company and they said it was fine so there’s nothing stopping him.

Anybody who is a somebody knew who BTS are. By now, it’s like common sense to know the popular male idol group, having gotten their name on Billboard charts and receiving all kinds of awards both locally and internationally. They’re considered to be sensational according to one interview they had recently, which brings you to be the topic of the grape vine.

Everyone envied you, especially now, that the news of your relationship with BTS’ Kim Namjoon spread around the office but you didn’t care. Since it didn’t affect your work and tour reputation. Actually, even until now, not one of them could ask you personally if it was true or not.

You got a call from him today, saying that he wants to brag lunch with you. You sent him a message, saying you’ll meet him up outside the office to avoid the public attention.

“This is good.” You scanned a folder of another project you’re working on. “We can use this.”

“Excuse me, Miss Y/n, someone’s here for you.” Said your assistant. “He said he made an appointment with you?”

You looked over her shoulder and found your boyfriend waving at you by the door. He was always stylish even with a simple black shirt and pants. That’s to be expected from an idol. He smiles at you then at your assistant as she asked him to take a seat.

“Finalize this and submit it to me tomorrow.” You finished instructed your stuff before sending him away. “Oh and I want more details rather than figures on the background.”

Namjoon took the liberty to sit at the chair in front of your desk when you were alone in your office, “I brought lunch.”

“I thought we were going out?” You asked, setting aside some of the papers you were working on a while ago.

“I figured you’d want to stay in your office.” He said, offering you the food he brought. “Those poor kids. You were totally terrorizing those interns earlier, weren’t you?” he joked.

“No, I didn’t.” unconsciously, you were smiling. He was the only one who can make you smile in an instant. You locked the office door and closed the blinds cause everyone had their noses stuck on your window, trying to see your boyfriend as much as possible.

“Can I come over tonight?” he handed you your favorite drink, Milk tea, making you smile at the simple gesture.

“Are you buying your way into my apartment with this?” you referred to your drink.

“Not exactly but I was hoping that it will help me.” He grinned, having a bite of this sandwich.

“But I have a company dinner tonight…” you pouted, Namjoon adores your aegyo.  

“I can wait up for you.” He insisted. You looked up at him, sipping on your milktea, “But aren’t you busy?”

“Nope. We just finished the tour and out manager said I can have my day off tomorrow.” He said, taking another bite. “Plus we have to talk about you moving in with me. I found the perfect studio type apartment for us. We can visit the place tomorrow. That do you think?”

“Okay. Sounds like a well thought of plan.” You flashed him a petite smile. “You have sauce on your lips.”

“Where?” Namjoon took a tissue but missed it.

You grabbed his hand, bending over the table and wiped it off his face, at the same time; you took your chance to kiss him. “I got it off for you.”

“Aren’t you aggressive today?” he licked his lips as he crumpled the sandwich wrapper and threw it in the trash can, “That’s not good for you.”

You played along with a grin, “We’ll see about that later.”

“Y/n?” Namjoon dropped the smile as he held your gaze.

“What? Why do you have that look on your face?” you chuckled.

“I’ve been thinking lately…about us. We’ve been dating for four years now, don’t you want to settle down?” he said and you didn’t know what to say. It was so unexpected of him to think of things like marriage since he has a career going on.

“Marriage? Why this all of a sudden?” you tried to break the ice with a weak chuckle.

“You don’t want to?” he added, you saw in his eyes how much he wanted this but he considered your feelings before anything else, “It’s okay if you say no. I’m not proposing or anything.”

“No, I want to but-“Before you can even finish your sentence, a knock came on your door. Setting aside the topic at hand, you cleared your throat and spoke, “Come in.”

“I’m sorry to barge in like this.” You assistant abruptly opened the door. “I have a message from the higher ups.”

“Oh, it’s okay. You can get to work. At all cost, don’t mind me.” Namjoon smiled at her and you got kinda jealous but you didn’t let it show. It was obvious your assistant developed a small crush on your boyfriend from the way she shyly smiled back.

“Do you have something important to say?” you returned to being the heartless Queen again.

“Um, yes. Actually, they called for an emergency meeting. It will start in 20 mins.” She reported  and placed some folders on your table, “Here are the contents for the meeting.”

“Okay, thank you. You can leave.” You cleaned up your desk and organized the folders on your table.

“Be a little nicer, will you? She was so scared of you.” Namjoon chuckled as soon as your assistant left. He placed his hands on your hips and pulled you close to him, “Why do you put up front like that? You can act a bit friendlier you know.”

“This is fine. I’m setting a boundary between my work and my personal life.” You reasoned.

“I just wish you’d let your defenses down a little. I can see that this is stressing you out. you should have fun and meet new friends…” Namjoon gave you a warm embrace before he kissed you on the forehead.

“I don’t need new friends. I have you.” You said against his chest as you wrapped your arms behind his back.

He tipped your head up gently with his hand and you meet his eyes. Namjoon kissed your lips briefly and smiled as he pulled again, “I’ll see you at your place?”

You nodded and kissed him again. “I’ll see you there.”

“I’m going now. Be nicer, okay?” he said before heading out the door and then he mouthed to you the words that made you smile even warmer, “I love you.”

…

The company dinner took longer than you expected. A surprise guest, who was the owner of a famous clothing line, came. She was a friend of your boss so when she asked you to accompany her guest, you couldn’t simply refuse even though you knew Namjoon was waiting for you at home. You sighed and just went with it, telling Namjoon through a text message that you will get home later than you anticipated.

After showing the guest around, introducing her to some of the important people around and engaging in small business chats, you decided to sit back and just wait for the time to pass. One glass, two glass until it became a dozen. You didn’t realize you’ve drunk all of it until you stood up and saw the floor moving.

The powder room looked too impossible for you to walk since you started feeling dizzy under the influence of alcohol. How are you going to get home, you thought. You wobbled unsteadily when you tried to stand and almost fell face flat on the floor.

“Drinking was never one of the things you’re good at.” You looked up at the man who caught your waist, planning to thank him until you saw who he was. “It’s been a while since we last saw each other and I, honestly did not imagine I’ll see you in a place like this, completely drunk.”

“Leo.” You grunted.

He was your ex-boyfriend. The one who you were head over heels for before you met Namjoon. He caused you the worst heartbreak because you sincerely loved him to the point of wanting to have a future with him until you found out that you were only the subject of a bet he had with his idiotic friends. “Let go. Why are you even here?”

“Don’t tell me you’re still hung up about the past?” Leo had an annoying smug look on his face, making you want to punch him senseless until he can’t stand anymore. “You’re drunk. Let me drive you home. Where do you live?”

“I’m not telling you where I live, you psycho.” You stubbornly answered, “Never in a million years.”

“I forgot that you literally become a child when you’re drunk. Cute.” He smiled as he ushered you put and into the parking lot. Damn, he’s as attractive as he was back then.

“Don’t you dare flirt with me! I have a boyfriend!” you warned.

“Oh really?” he laughed at you.

“Yes and I’m going to call him right now.” You tried to steady yourself on your own feet as you searched for your phone but you couldn’t find it in your purse. “Shit.”

“What? You remembered that you’re single?” he mocked you again. You would’ve slapped him if you weren’t too drunk to control your arm. You can’t even aim well.

“No, moron.” You emphasized on the word moron, “I left my phone in the powder room. I’ll go and get it-“

You were about to go and find your phone when he grabbed your arms to stop you, “Just tell me where your freaking house is. You’re tired and drunk so let me drive you home.”

“Alright, I’ll tell you where I live BUT!” even though you can barely speak straight, you still tried to warn him, “Don’t try anything with me if ever I pass out or something, got it?”

“I doubt that you really have boyfriend.” Leo opened the door and cocked his head gesturing that you should get in the car.

“You’re so full of yourself you know that?” you snapped back at him, “I have a boyfriend and he’s waiting for me at home.”

He chuckled, “You haven’t changed a bit, Y/n.”

….

“Hey….hey, Y/n, we’re at your house.” You felt a hand on your cheek. You held it closer to your face, mistaken Leo for Namjoon.

“Namjoon, kiss me.” You whined as you pull him down on you.

Leo sighed and kissed you right then and there. Not too long into the kiss, you realized that he’s not your boyfriend. You pushed him back hard, sending him back to his seat.

“What- Why did you do that?” he was surprised and you were too.

“I told you I have a boyfriend!” you said, “I can’t believe I kissed you!”

“What? You weren’t joking?” he said, confusion all over his face.

“I clearly wasn’t, you pervert! Why did you think I was joking?” you replied angrily then you grabbed your pursed and got out of his car.

Worried that he would chase after you, you hurriedly walked inside your building and only slowed down when you secured yourself inside the elevator. While waiting for the elevator to stop on your floor, you held yourself up by holding onto the rails made for disabled people, wishing your head would stop spinning.

“Namjoon?” the light were on inside your apartment, you began calling out your boyfriend’s name.

“I’m in here.” You heard him behind you, sitting on the table. “You didn’t call.”

You knew he was angry at you. You made your way to him, “I’m sorry baby. I lost my phone at the party that’s way i-“

“You should’ve tried calling me instead of riding in that asshole’s car!” Namjoon raised his voice at you. “Why did you kiss him? Why would you do this to me after all these years?”

“You saw us?” you didn’t know how to explain to him.

“You still love him, don’t you?” his frown broke your heart, “Is that the reason why you don’t want to settle down with me?”

“No, baby. It’s not like that.” You touched the side of his face softly, pulling him in to connect your forehead together. “I don’t love him. I love you. I was drunk and fell asleep while he drove me home. When I woke up, I thought he was you… so I kissed him but it didn’t mean anything.”

“Please believe me.” You slide your hands down the side of his neck and around his torso as you molded your body against him. You closed your eyes and felt all his tensed muscle under his clothes as you embraced him, “Why would I want to come back to him when I have you? I’m sorry if I let my guard down earlier. Sorry if I let you have these thoughts about us. I love you and I want to be with you but please let me take my time.”

“Let’s take our time together..” Namjoon’s hands felt warm as they snake around you lower back. You stayed in is arms for a little while longer, wanting to feel more of him.

You broke the hug and looked up at his face before you took his hand and linked his fingers with yours, “You don’t need to rush cause I’m not going anywhere without you.”

A loving smile came upon his face and he slowly leaned down to take your lips against his, moving so perfectly with your own as you let your hands rest on his chest.

“Me too.” You opened your eyes when he whispered against your mouth. You looked into his eyes and saw how deeply he loved you.

Namjoon tucked your hair behind your ear. “Trust that I’m not going anywhere without you by my side too, Y/n.”