#-their starbucks date because she put a period in her text' or something like that jfdajsdnqwnefg like... Y'ALL... the clownery

[mynonclicheblog]

After seeing the first 5 minutes, it's VERY clear that both Ben & Devi's actions post-boink are very much (virtually 100%) being driven by fear and insecurity. They both feel awkward that it wasn't some epic fairytale First Time (because that happens sooooo often to teenagers in the real world, right?) and they're overthinking each others' behavior to the point that it's clouding their judgement.

I'd like to talk about them both, but I'm going to focus mainly on Ben since he appears to be our little troublemaker this season (compare w/ Devi's season 2) - and also, I think I have a better idea where his emotional/romantic development arc is going this season. To start off:

I'm sorry to the dxtons who tried to relay this scene in the most disparaging and anti-ben way possible, but this is the face of a boy who WANTS to talk. A boy who was surprised and excited when Devi turned towards him because he really really likes her and it seems like she's actually initiating communication- for real this time! All he's ever wanted was for them to talk candidly about their feelings!

...But then, like a teenage dum-dum (who is still nursing the wounds from two years ago), he hits the panic button. I, uh- I should probably hit the hay.

This swallows up the crumb of hope Devi was clinging to that maybe, just maybe, the whole thing wasn't as bad as she'd thought - and as we see in her following scene with Elfab, sure enough, she has been drowning in fear that she didn't measure up.

Girl... no he wasn't 😂 you were embarrassed for you, and Ben was embarrassed for Ben! [John McEnroe voice] That's how this works!

But it's just a great example of my very first point: that all of their thoughts, actions, and perceptions are based in insecurity right now. Fortunately for Devi, she has two supportive besties who know both her and Ben, who are here to talk and help her work through what to do next.

But as Ben tells Dwight Howard... he doesn't have any friends. So he resorts to a complete stranger.

I want to quickly point out the parallels between Ben & Devi's dialogue here (Devi in the last section and Ben in this one). They are both thinking about themselves. They're worried/making the assumption that the other person thought they... ehm... performed badly, and now they are confiding in other people rather than clearing it up with each other (because they're idiots [affectionate]).

Devi makes a great first step by inviting Ben out for coffee, and can I just say how PROUD I AM OF HER? Like, yes, love! Open up that avenue of communication! Talk it out! There's nothing to be afraid of!

But across the valley, Ben tells Dwight Howard that after having sex, Devi "didn't say anything, she just got up and sprinted out"... but that's not really what happened, is it? Ben fumbled the ball when he offered to call her an Uber, and Devi took that as her cue to leave. We (and Dwight) are listening to Ben's inaccurate retelling of events, skewed by the post-boink anxiety he's been stewing in. This boy who was once delighted that Devi turned over in bed to talk, has since repressed the mortifying moment that followed wherein he blew her off. Now all he remembers is her darting out the door.

In accordance with spoilers, it looks like Devi's Starbucks text comes through while Ben is still talking with Mr. Howard - and since Ben provided him with a misleading picture of how things went down, Dwight is going to tell him that Devi doesn't really love him. That she's just going to hurt him again. That he deserves someone who brings out the good in him. (All of this coming from a man who doesn't know Ben, has never even met Devi, and has no insight whatsoever into the relationship he's advising.)

Unfortunately for Devi (& us), this is Ben's biggest fear, so he listens. He takes the easy road yet again and pursues the less scary option... but she's still not Devi.

I truly believe that in the first few episodes when Ben talks to Devi, he is doing nothing more than basically parroting what others have told him. Why? Because those words will justify his urge to continue retreating to safety; they will enable him to avoid confronting his biggest emotional truth, something he's been running from for two years. As much as he obviously, clearly WANTS to give into his feelings for Devi, he's still afraid. And even though she's the one who hurt him, he still thinks she is incredible (which she is!!!), and that he couldn't possibly live up to what she deserves. There's so much to unpack here and I think this is a great way to make the events of season 2 a relevant topic again without being contrived.

Similar to Devi in seasons 2 & 3, I think Ben's arc is going to be about gaining the self-worth to stand on his own rather than passively agreeing to what others think he should do (i.e. Dwight and Margot).

The back half of the season will be Ben not only overcoming his greatest fear by talking with Devi and learning how deeply and genuinely she wants him this time around, but in doing so, he's going to become more confident in his relationship with her and learn to make his own decisions regarding it. He will learn that he can trust his own instincts again, no longer paralyzed by heartbreak or feelings of inferiority. He can trust Devi with his heart now. She's all in.

[jtsfavslut]

The Less I Know the Better

Description: In which Grayson sees the love of his life move on, at least that’s what he thought. Based on the overplayed song by wanna be indie TikTok girls ‘The Less I Know The Better’ by Tame Impala.

Warnings: None really

Word Count: 2k+

Suggested Song: The Less I Know the Better - Tame Impala

It hurt.

All Grayson was feeling was pain and guilt.

Pain because he loved her and had to see her walking around and be happy with another man that wasn’t him. And guilt. Well, he felt guilty because it’s his fault she’s no longer his. If only he could’ve kept his dick in his pants, he would be the one with her now, even if it wasn’t completely his fault.

Too deep in his thoughts he didn’t realize that she was walking over to him and that he was staring like a lost puppy.

“Hi Grayson,” her dreamy and angelic voice spoke, making Grayson regret coming to the mall.

“Hey Y/N,” he replied. His deep voice making her remember all the good times they spent together. All the time he made her feel good, and not just about herself. All the time he would vent to her and she would sit and listen.

“How are you doing? How’s Ethan doing?” She asked him, trying not to be as awkward as she could. She doesn’t know why she walked over to him, she doesn’t know why she needed to talk to him but here she was; Talking to her ex trying to pretend as if nothing happened.

“I’m good, and he’s alight, how bout’ you tho? You seem happy,” he asked and regretted it instantly as he watched her face drop the smile that was being displayed.

“Happy? No. Calm? You could say that,” she said with a chuckle at the end. He wanted to ask her what she meant. Ask her if she needed someone to talk to, but he didn’t want to push it.

“I don’t know what you mean but sure,” he replied causing her to let out a little giggle.

“You know what I mean Grayson,” she said, shaking her head. “I just don’t know how to tell him.” She said, the sad tone in her voice causing Grayson to frown.

“Oh god, I can’t talk to you about this, that's weird,” she slightly shouted, realizing what she was talking about and to whom she was talking to.

“It’s fine Y/N, you know I’ll always be there for you,” he replied in which she responded with a smile.

“Me too Gray, actually I got a new phone and number and my ICloud got locked out so you know I don’t have any contacts so slide me your number if you want.” She said with a smile making his heart perform a gymnastics freestyle performance.

“Yeah here,” he said, handing her his phone. She was about to grab it when a loud and angry voice spoke from beside them.

“Y/N what the fuck are you doing?” Her un-official boyfriend's loud voice spoke, making her face display pure fear.

“Nothing Geo, I’m just talking to an old friend,” she nervously spoke, knowing that if he knew she was talking to her ex-boyfriend it would not end pretty.

“I told you to stay over there, not to go hoeing around,” he shouted at her, not realizing that Graysons fists were clenched in anger. He was not only upset that he was talking to her in such ways, but upset because the fear in her eyes was pretty evident.

“Don’t speak to her like that,” Grayson said in a deep voice, grabbing her and placing her being her.

“And who are you?” Geo asked in a sarcastic tone.

“A guy who knows how to speak to a girl, which clearly is not a thing in your life,” he responded with a careless shrugged. He wasn't intimated one bit, he already knew the type of guy he was, an all talk, no action douche.

“Yeah right, Y/N let’s go,” he replied rolling his eyes.

“No. I’m not going anywhere with your ass, were not even officially dating,” she replied, walking in front of Grayson to show she wasn’t scared of him.

“Y/N, lets go. Don't make me move you the hard way,” he said and grabbed his arm, digging his finger into it, before a hard punch from Grayson made contact with his fist making him let go of her arm and stumble back.

“Again, don’t talk to her that way,” he said grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the store ignoring the looks the people were giving them.

“Are you ok?” She asked looking up at him with glossy eyes, the same look she gave him when he told her what he had done.

“Are you ok? He said putting emphasis on you. He knew she was the type to worry about others before herself, one of the things he loved about her the most.

“I’m ok, it’s probably just gonna bruise up,” she shrugged and wiped the few tears that streamed down her face with a deep breath. “Do you want to go eat something and talk? I know we have a lot to talk about,” she asked him and he nodded his head.

They ended up choosing a small little restaurant that was across the mall.

“I need to ask you something.” She said as the waiter left after leaving their drinks at the table.

“What is it?” He said putting his phone in his pocket since he wanted to give her his full and undivided attention.

“About what happened with that situation, I know that there’s something I’m not aware of. It doesn’t add up to me, because I know you’re not that type of guy,” she quietly said, Grayson knew she was going ask that at some point but it still made him feel worse.

“You might not believe me but someone slipped something in my water, you know I don’t drink, and I purposely wouldn’t get drunk, all I remember is taking multiple sips from my cup and waking up on the floor.” He replied while playing with his fingers, a thing that he did when he was nervous, the only one that knew he did that was her.

“I know you don’t drink which was why I was confused. I was too caught up in my emotions to even let you explain and now I feel horrible.” She pouted making him shake his head.

“Don’t feel horrible. I betrayed your trust even if it wasn’t purposely. And I would probably have reacted the same way,” he reassured her and grabbed her hand in attempts to make her feel better.

“I still feel bad. You were literally sexually assaulted and I was too petty to even realize it,” she said and intertwined her fingers with his, both of their hearts jumping up and down with excitement and the feeling of each other.

“Hey don’t worry about it, I’m ok. And again how were you supposed to know, you were feeling hurt and angry,” he said, she was so glad he was so understanding.

“Ok now that we’ve cleared the air, I heard E has a little boo thang,” she said causing him to chuckle.

“Yeah she’s pretty nice, you know her too,” he said causing her eyes to widen.

[Okay listen, I’m not gonna name any names because I don’t want to speculate things even tho it’s pretty obvious as to who took Mr.Grants heart from y’all and I’ve been shipping it ever since that video cuz fuck Ethma literally eww 🤮 but yeah]

“Ooooo, we’ll talk about that later,” she replied, taking a sip of her drink. “I dropped out of college,” she added as Grayson and her confused look.

“Why?” He asked.

“I don’t know, it just wasn’t for me. At least not that major. Well I didn’t drop out completely I’m just taking a long break. And between you and me, with this Instagram and TikTok money, I don’t even need to finish,” she replied causing him to laugh.

“That’s true tho, you don’t even need to get a ‘regular’ job” he replied putting air quotes on the regular.

POV CHANGE

“Yeah, I might drop out completely. I don’t even want to be a surgeon anymore” you shrugged.

“Honestly do what makes you happy, because I remember you got really stressed out while studying and that’s not good for you,” he replied.

“And you get stressed out while coming up with video ideas, but yeah” you said, causing him to shake his head.

“Gray, I’m so sorry but I need to go. I have a doctors appointment in an hour and I would cancel it if I could but that would make it my third time rescheduling it.” You said with a pout once you checked the time on your phone.

You didn’t want to stop talking to him at all. You missed him, his voice, his face, you missed everything about him. You hadn't seen him in 3 months and the last time you saw him wasn’t rainbows and sunshine. But if you cancelled your appointment you would have to get a new doctor and you weren’t in the mood for that, plus you’ve been feeling a bit sick for the last few weeks.

“Hey it’s ok, we can talk again later,” he shrugged with a smile making you feel less guilty.

“Ok, just text me later and we can link yeah?” You replied, getting up and leaving a five dollar bill on the table.

“I will,” he said, getting up too.

“Good, don’t leave me waiting,” you said and placed a quick kiss on his cheek and left the restaurant with a smile on your face and made your way to your car.

You went home first taking a quick shower because you didn’t want to go to the doctor’s office feeling dirty, got dressed and left, stopping at Starbucks to get a drink and drove all the way to the office.

You were feeling anxious but you didn’t know why. You weren’t the type to get nervous when going to doctors or dentists so you were confused as to why.

When they called your name you got up from your seat in the waiting room and made your way to the door where the lady who called your name was at.

“Ok Y/N, I’m going to ask you a few personal questions are you ok with that?” Your doctor asked once you got settled inside the room.

“No, I’m fine,” you nodded your head and she sent you a smile.

“Good. So you said you were feeling a bit weird these past few weeks?” She asked and you nodded your head.

“Yeah, I haven’t had my period in the last few months, but it’s always been irregular, but I’ve been feeling weird and lightheaded in the mornings.” You explained as she nodded her head and wrote things down on a piece of paper.

“Any Nausea?” She asked and you shook your head.

“When was the last time you were sexually active to had unprotected sex?” She asked.

“About three months ago,” you replied. You didn’t lie, Grayson was your last. You met Geo about a month ago and never did anything with him, and didn’t plan too either.

You don’t even know why you decided to give him a try. He was controlling, sexist, and a douche. The complete opposite of Grayson. Grayson was more caring and compassionate. Always wondering whether you were ok and if you needed something.

He was your first everything. First boyfriend, as in first male friend, your first kiss, your first boyfriend, the person that took your virginity and the only person you fell in love with. He was your first for over 14 years so when he told you that he fucked another girl, you couldn’t help but be driven by your emotions and not let him explain, which you regretted. You were crushed, for two months you only left your apartment to get food or to go on drives so when you met Geo at a grocery store and he seemed charming you decided that maybe you had to move on, but look at how that turned out.

“I’m going to have you pee in this container, just to make sure, ok?” She said, causing your anxiety levels to rise.

You nodded you and head and grabbed the cup, walking over to the bathroom while she waited outside for you. After you were done, you washed your hands and exited the bathroom, handing her the cup with shaky hands.

“It’s ok, relax,” she said, noticing your nervous star and walking outside the room leaving you alone with your thoughts.

The seven minutes she took to come back seemed like seven hours, and when she came in with a smile on her face you didn’t know what to think. Your mind was completely empty.

“Congratulations Y/N, you’re pregnant!”

This sucks ass I’m sorry

Tags: @angelgrayson @rhyrhy462 @blindedbythelightt @dolansficsandpics @godlydolans @persistence-ofmemories @episkygrant @aquadolan @wavydolans @evergreendolan @vinylhazza @b-r-i-l @mercurygrant @plantbasedgray @dolansontheblock

[crewhonk]

Only Happy Accidents (two)

Summary: After being ghosted by YN, a girl he turned out really liking, Steve goes to her door to find out just what he did wrong.

Warnings: pregnancy test stress, gross food cravings, NatBucky fluff, stressed!Steve

Songs: “Archer”- Taylor Swift

Masterlist

____________________________

November 14th / 2nd Week

YN YLN felt like someone came down from heaven and took a shit on her face. She had felt wonderful since Steve had been over up until now, and she groaned, burying her face into her pillow and trying t find any lingering scents of Steve on her pillow. She made a noise in the back of her throat when she found nothing but the scent of her own shampoo. She reached over to her phone under her pillow and looked at it, a thrill shooting through her body when she saw that she had a text from none other than the Retired Captain America. 

From: Grandpa

Morning, pretty thing :)

The dork hadn’t sent her one single emoji, and she doubted that if he even knew what they were that he would like them. ‘too kiddish’, she could hear him say and she kicked her feet like a teenager. 

To: Grandpa

Morning, handsome! How was ur morning so far??

She locked her phone and checked the date on the lockscreen, squinting at the number suspiciously. There was something supposed to be happening right now. Today was a Thursday, so she had it off, but there was something else personally. 

Her eyes widened, and every nerve in her body felt as if it had been dipped in ice water. 

She was supposed to have gotten her period eight whole days ago. 

She ripped her blankets off of her, and pulled her pants down, groaning when there was no blood to be found and cursing to herself. She had always been regular with her cycle. She tracked it, and took vitamins and magnesium and iron supplements and even went sustainable with it— got a diva cup and everything. Sure, her period sucked but it was usually one thing that she could count on to be on time. 

She rushed to the bathroom to splash water on her face and wracked her brain to try to remember if she and Steve had used protection. They had in the morning, she knew— she made sure to roll the condom on herself and everything but the night before was so quick and hurried and oh, God. No. No they had not used protection. 

Fuck. 

“MICHAELA!” She screamed, walking quickly out to the kitchen where her best friend and roommate was, hunched over some law books and eating her smoothie bowl breakfast. YN didn’t even bother teasing her about it and met Michaela’s surprised eyes with her own very, very scared ones. 

“What? Are you bleeding out? What the fuck?” She yelled back, clutching her heart while moving to mop up the glass of water she spilled across the island. 

“No I’m— okay, so you know the guy I had over on Halloween that I told you about?” She started and Michaela nodded nervously. 

“Magic Dick Steve? I remember.”

“Well I don’t think— I don’t think we used protection? The first time? We were both pretty drunk and—“ YN had started to shake. “And I might be reading into it too much but I’ve been really tired lately and my boobs are really, really sore and I’ve been really nauseous? Maybe It’s the flu but I’ve— my period it late.” She finished, and watched as Michaela’s eyes widened. 

“You’re never late.” She whispered, and YN felt tears well up in her eyes. 

“I know.” She mumbled and Michaela stood, walking around the counter and pulling her to her. She hugged her tightly and pulled away, dragging YN down the hallway and back to the bathroom. 

“I didn’t tell you this, but a few months ago when you were in Peru with that Anthropology dig, me and Charlie had a scare and I got a whole bunch of these guys.” She held up a box of thin, paper pregnancy tests from the bottom cabinet. 

“Isn’t that when you went off your pill?” She asked, taking the box. Michaela nodded. 

“Yeah, turns out my body freaked out hugely and said ‘fuck you’ to my period that month.” She shrugged. “Take a few, and we’ll take it from here, okay?”

________________________

So, YN peed in a disposable mouthwash cup (and on her hand a little bit, but we won’t talk about that) and dipped three tests into it, laying it out on the edge of the tub and sliding down he closed door after setting a timer on her phone. Time seemed to become impossibly slow for three whole minutes and she jolted violently when her phone went off. She checked it, and tears welled up in her eyes when she saw that she had gotten a text from Steve. 

From: Grandpa

I’m pretty good. miss you though.

She put her phone back down and stood, opening the door and calling shakily from Michaela. She showed up seconds later, and wiped YN’s tears from her face. 

“I can’t— I can’t look.” She whimpered and Michaela shushed her softly. 

“You can.” Her voice acted as an anchor for which YN could ground herself with and she tried to move her feet towards the tests. 

“What do I do with Steve? I can’t— it would trap him. I don’t even know the guy. I can’t just drop a bomb like that on him when we haven’t even gone on a date yet.” She cried and Michaela frowned, her heart breaking for her friend. 

“From what you’ve told me, he’ll be there for you. He seems like a good guy. Now, let’s look, okay?”

YN nodded and with the help of Michaela, walked across the bathroom and ducked down to see if there was anything other than the first red line. She squinted, and let out a huge breath when there was no line on the first two tests. She checked the last one, and every organ in YN’s body burst into flames when she thought she could see a second, very faint line. 

“Michaela.”

“What.”

“Is that a second line? On the last test.” She whispered, as if raising her voice any louder was going to make the line darker. Michaela leaned in close and squinted, freezing when she did, in fact, see the second line. 

“I think so. I think it is.” She confirmed, and YN’s knees gave out. Her hand absently fell to her lower stomach and she lower lip trembled. 

“This may not be it, though okay? Let’s go to Planned Parenthood and get a real test, okay? Then we can spend thirty dollars on a really good test and we’ll make a plan from there, okay?” Michaela sunk other knees and held YN’s face, wiping more tears away and offering her a small smile. 

“Okay.”

_______________________

There was no way that all ten tests in front of her were wrong. There was no way the printed diagnosis from Planned Parenthood and a pamphlet reading ‘Plans For The Single Parent’ were telling her that her uterus was empty. There was no way the Clearblue test reading ‘Pregnant: 2-3 weeks’ was wrong— it better not be, considering it was a whole thirty dollars. 

YN sat staring at them, bouncing her leg and glancing at her phone every few seconds, half expecting for Steve to already know despite his three unresponded-to-texts still on her lock screen. She could hear Michaela talking to her boyfriend, Charlie in the other room and YN felt truly and utterly alone.

However, her hand had yet to leave her stomach during the whole day, as if the idea of a baby being in there (despite it being no more than a bunch of cells at this point) was a point fo focus for her. Despite the overwhelming elements fo her situation, there was a flutter of excitement in her chest. She had never wanted kids, and then the snap happened, and she was gone and then she was back, and her dad, who was in a plane during the snap had fallen from 5 miles in sky and landed belly first in the ocean. But now that it was a very real possibility, she couldn’t help but get a little excited. 

There was one one person she truly wanted to talk to, right now. The urge to hear their voice overpowered any other feeling and YN reached for her phone, choosing the first contact she recently texted and waited as the phone rang. 

“Hello?”

“Mom? I need your help.”

_______________________

November 31st, 4th Week

“This is probably the grossest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Why are you making this monstrosity in my house?” Michaela groaned, pulling the neck of her turtleneck sweater over her nose as she walked into the kitchen. YN rolled her eyes and shook her head, bouncing lightly to the music playing from her laptop. 

“Just because you’re the pickiest human in the world doesn’t mean other people can’t eat fun foods,” YN replied, lifting the lid on the stove and sniffing deeply. 

“Canned crab with sauerkraut on crackers is not a fun food.” Michaela grumbled and sat at the counter. YN rolled her eyes and stirred the pot, shrugging her shoulders. 

“What baby wants baby gets.” She replied simply and closed the lid, leaning against the counter beside the stove and cocking her head. “Would you prefer boiled clams in hot sauce  or crushed up Doritos dipped in a Starbucks Frappuccino to this or—?” YN trailed off and Michaela gagged openly, covering her mouth. 

“Maybe a salad. With nutrients that the baby needs.” She replied and YN rolled her eyes, opening the cabinet beside the fridge and turning around to stare at Michaela. Her eyes raked over the prenatal supplements and vitamins marked for different days of the weeks and then to the daily pill organizer in YN’s hand. 

“I’ve also cut my coffee from five cups to half a cup because I’m paranoid and I’m not eating dairy, which is hard because you know how much I loved pineapple and cottage cheese together. And this is the only meal I’ve been able to eat this week without getting nauseous and throwing up.” She commented, turning back and turning off the stove. Michaela walked over and leaned over the pot, wrinkling her nose but grabbing a spoon nonetheless. 

“I’m going to try it. Not because I’m curious but because I’m supporting my single-pregnant best friend.” She said, saying a little prayer and shoving the goopy mess into her mouth. She froze, chewed once and gagged, grabbing YN’s hand and spitting the mouthful of food into her hand. 

“I hate you.” She grumbled and stuck her head under the sink, rinsing her mouth and making her laugh loudly, clutching her chest. It was only seconds after that there was a knock on their door which YN made to get. She turned to her friend and pointed. 

“I made you do nothing. That was fully consensual on your part.” She laughed, spinning and opening the door with a smile. 

It was Steve. Holding a bouquet of her second favourite flowers. Smiling nervously with those blue eyes and big muscles and beard and short, carefully styled hair. She remembered in flashes the sound he made when he moaned. The sound he made when she made him laugh. The way he looked sucking whipped cream off her finger. The way his voice sounded that one time when they talked until five in the morning. 

So, she did what any sensible person did and slammed the door in his face. 

At the sound, Michaela walked around the corner, peeking behind YN to see that the door was still closed. There was a knock and Steve’s voice saying something YN couldn’t hear over the blood rushing in her ears. 

“Who is it?” Michaela whispered, seeing the fear in her eyes. 

“Steve.” YN replied, her mouth feeling as if it was stuffed with cotton. Michaela pushed past her and looked through the peep hole, ducking immediately and turning to her with wide eyes. 

“That’s Steve?! You fucked Captain America on our kitchen counter and then hand fed him waffles?” Michaela whisper-yelled. 

“First off, he’s not Captain America anymore. Sam Wilson is, and second yes. Steve isn’t really an uncommon name so..” YN trailed off uselessly and Michaela looked to YN’s stomach. 

“Well I mean it makes sense,” Michaela said quickly. “All of your symptoms are stronger and you only had sex once without protection so it makes sense he has super sperm.” He said and YN shushed her as if Steve was on the other side with his ear to the door. 

“What do I do.” YN deadpanned and Michaela bit her lip. 

“You know what I think you should do. I think it’s time to tell him.” She said and YN nodded, wiping her hands on her pants and walking to the door, hesitating briefly before turning the doorknob and opening it. 

“YN. Hi.” He seemed breathless, and he looked at her softly. “Are you okay? I’m sorry I should have texted, but you weren’t responding and I got worried.”

YN shook her head and opened the door wider. “Steve, I think you should come in. We need to talk.” She whispered, and his shoulders fell as if he was expecting her to say something like this. 

“I figured.” He mumbled, handing Michaela the flowers and following YN to the living room where she pulled a shoe box from the shelf under the table and placed it on the top. 

“What’s going on, YN? Did I do something wrong?” He asked, turning towards her. She sat straight, not taking her eyes off the box in front of her and shaking her head. 

“You’ve been perfect Steve, and none of this is your fault, I should have been more responsible.” She whispered, her throat thick. She could hear Michaela eavesdropping from the kitchen. 

“Then what—?” He trailed off and went to touch her, but pulled away at the last second, not wanting to upset her further. 

“Something happened and I don’t— I don’t know what to do.” She said, finally looking at him with shining eyes. His face crumpled at the sight of her tears and h scooted closer to her, grabbing her hand gently. 

“I can help, YN. Whatever it is I can help you.” He said softly, holding her hand in both of his own. 

“I couldn’t ask that of you, Steve. Not with this— we hardly know each other.” She sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. She noticed briefly how good Steve looked in his brown coat and jeans and scarf and boots but shook her head when her periphery caught sight of the box on the table. 

“YN.” He said sternly and she melted slightly, squeezing her eyes shut. 

“I’m pregnant, Steve. The baby is yours— it has to be. There hasn’t been anyone since the snap except for you.” She finally said in one quick breath, she looked up at him to gauge his reaction. His face was a flat of marble, no expression or emotion in his eye. She half expected him to stand up and walk out until she remembered that this was, in fact, Steve Rogers and walking away from a challenge was unheard of. That’s what the textbooks said, anyways. She lifted the cover on the box and he peered in, eyes widening when he saw all the tests and pamphlets she had been reading and collecting. 

“Okay.” He said finally and he seems to be wracking his brain for something to say. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Were you just going to wait until you had him to tell me and collect money or something?” He asked. YN raised her eyebrows and shook her head fervently. 

“No, no, no, no, Steve. I would never. I just didn’t— I don’t— know what to do.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, reassuring her by his tightened grip on her hand. 

“I wasn’t sure how to tell you and what you would want to do with her.” She said and he raised his eyebrows. 

“It’s a girl?” He whispered, looking down to her stomach. She shook her head. 

“No, she’s nothing more than a bunch of cells, but ‘she’ just comes naturally to me? You said she was a ‘he’ earlier, so.” She smiled softly and he returned it, not looking away from her stomach. 

“Well, what are the options?” He asked, looking up at her and she shook her head. 

“One, I keep her and you leave.” She started and he looked genuinely affronted. 

“Not a chance. Next.”

“I go to Planned Parenthood—“

“No. Next.”

“I keep her, and you stay.” She whispered, looking up at him nervously. He froze, but nodded surely and cleared his throat. When he spoke he sounded rather choked and it made tears return o her eyes. 

“That’s an option for you?” He whispered and she nodded. 

“It’s my ideal option, Steve. This is your baby too.” She replied, equally quiet. He looked up and pulled her closer to him and she let it happen. Now, their thighs were pressed against the other and their heads were closer together. 

“You move into my place, though. I’ll get rid of my office so we can make it into a nursery and I keep work at work and family at home. I’d like to know you’re both safe.” He said, jumping to what he wanted to happen. She nodded. 

“That’s petty reasonable.” She commented. “I don’t have much, so it shouldn’t be a big deal.” 

“Your turn. Name a demand.” He returned and she wracked her brain. 

“I want to go part-time at work, but I won’t if we can’t afford it.” She said. Thinking about the cost of things came naturally to her since she had grown up in the Bronx.

“Babe.” He whispered, amused and smiling. 

“What?” She whispered back, smiling as well. 

“I have about 100 years of government compensation in my bank account. Plus I was a Stark Employee and an Avenger for twelve years. Money isn’t an issue, I promise.” He explained, and she nodded. The relief that had washed over her then was overwhelming and she coughed into her fist, a sob building in her throat. 

“Sorry,” She choked, rubbing her eyes. “This happens a lot.” 

“It does!” They heard a voice from the kitchen and YN glared a the door. 

“Fuck you, Michaela!”

“Promise?” She called back and Steve smiled, chuckling lowly. 

“Your turn.” She said, nudging him. He sucked in a breath and thought hard. 

“I’m at all the appointments. I’m at all the classes. We don’t announce it to the public, but we don’t hide the fact that you’re pregnant. I’ll have to talk to Pepper soon, but only when you’re ready. I want to be in this with you. The whole ride.” He said and YN blinked more tears out of her eyes. He pulled his jacket off and pulled his sweater sleeve over his fist and wiped them from her face gently. She sucked in a breath and leaned into his touch slightly, not fighting it when he pulled away from her. 

“Good.” There was a pause of silence before he shifted nervously, a new idea popping into his head. “What?” She asked. 

“This is gonna be a little extreme, actually.” He sounded afraid, but she nodded for him to continue despite her own nerves rising. “I’ve been learning that it’s okay to have kids with your boyfriend or girlfriend now, and that’s really great and cool but it doesn’t work for me.” He said and she looked up at him, alarmed. 

“What?”

“We don’t have to, but my Ma would roll in her grave if she found out I had a kid with someone that I wasn’t uh— legally bound to.” He winced at the formality of his own words. 

“I don’t think I understand,” She said. She did, she just didn’t quite believe what exactly he was asking her. 

“I would like to marry you. It’s really important for me that my kid is uh— mine. And was born into a marriage, you know?” Steve’s voice seemed far away as he continued to speak, and YN swayed in her seat. 

“YN?” He asked, watching her eyes become unfocussed and falling for Michaela. She heard nothing more before her eyes closed and she slumped back on the couch, unconscious. 

________________________

The first thing YN remembered when she woke up was a cool cloth being pressed to her forehead. She sighed at the sensation, rolling her head away from the glaring light from the window and opened her eyes, smiling as Michaela looked down at her. 

“Hey, Mich. I had the weirdest dream.” She started, groaning a the pounding headache in her brain and sitting up slowly. “Remember Steve? Magic Dick Steve? Yeah. That’s Steve Rogers. Anyways, I had a dream that I was pregnant with his kid and he asked me to marry him. He was wearing his suit, though which as weird because I couldn’t see his face behind his helmet-hat-thing.” She mumbled, rubbing her forehead. 

“That wasn’t a dream, YN.” Said a low voice from the kitchen. YN looked over and her eyes widened when she saw Steve Rogers walk through the door, a plate of crackers and crab and sauerkraut in his hands. There was also a reusable mouthwash cup filled with her medication and a bottle of water in his other hand. 

“Holy Moses, baby Jesus in the garden be with me.” YN prayed briefly and accepted the plate of food from him, piling it into her mouth much to the amusement of Steve and the disgust of Michaela. 

“It’s the same thing my ma used to crave, actually.” Steve shrugged. “I tried to make it one time back in the day for mothers day but the only fish I could afford was the crawdaddies from the pond down the street and the crackers I stole from Bucky’s house. I couldn’t even use the stove, yet so everything was raw.” He smiled when she laughed loudly at his story. “Yeah, she wasn’t too big of a fan but she appreciated it all the same.” 

“That’s really cute, Rogers.” She smiled.

“I’m sorry for dropping that request on you, I never meant to hurt you.” He muttered eventually and she shook her head.

“I’ve actually fainted twice already so it isn’t too much of a big deal, but yeah. That was a good request.” She scratched her nose and took all the pills at once, gulping down half the bottle with it and leaning on her elbows. 

“I’m sorry again.” He whispered and she shook her head. 

“It’s your kid, Steve. It only makes sense you would want that for her.”

“Him.” He teased and she rolled her eyes. 

“I’ll do it.” She said finally and his head whipped over to her as fast as lightning. She was half worried that she would need to take him to the hospital incase he tore something. 

“What?”

“I’ll marry you. I think you’re a pretty great guy, Steve and I’m not getting any younger, anyways.” She shrugged and Michaela gaped at them like a fish. 

“You’re 24, YN.” She scolded and she looked at her friend. 

“And my baby daddy wants to stick around and support us. It’s only fair I do this for him.” She shrugged, looking between their stunned faces.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked, aghast and shocked but looking sedately overjoyed. 

“As sure as I’ll ever be, Rogers.” She stuck out her hand and he looked at it with a raised eyebrow. “You take care of me and your kid and I marry you? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.” She commented and he took her hand in his. 

“It’s a deal, then.” He smiled softly and tried his damned best to not jump across the couch and kiss her. This was never how he wanted to propose to someone, but hey, he was 106. Never a time like the present, right?

“Damn it.” Michaela swore. The newly-engaged couple looked over at her and she shook her head at both of them. “I’m gonna have to find a craigslist roommate aren’t I?”

_____________________

Tag List (send me an ask, ONLY. must interact with the fic more than a like): yesfanficsaremylife / notyourtypicalrose /  laurxn-robinson / disaster-rose / lille-kattunge / wwecrazed2010 / vxidnik / chewingoffmyfoot / vitamingrant / captainamericasbeard / chrisgalore / songforhema

[seouledbysisi]

Something New

Chapter six

Jaehyun

They all finished eating and stood outside the diner.

Jae kept his hands in his pockets. It was a bit chilly. He eyed Johnny and Ivy. They were hugged up.

“Well, this was fun guys.” Jae stated with a smile.

Ivy smirked. “Wanna join us again this weekend?”

Sasha’s eyes bulged.

“If that’s cool with everyone?” Jae answered as he looked from Brianne to Sasha.

Brianne rolled her eyes and shrugged.

Sasha nodded. “Fine with me.”

“Did you ride with them?” Jae asked her.

Sasha nodded as she looked over at him.

“Want a ride? With me maybe?” He asked with a small smile.

Ivy perked up. “Yes! Yes she does!” She answered for her friend eagerly.

“I really need to talk to you about something.” He revealed.

Sasha raised an eyebrow. “Okay...”

Brianne rolled her eyes and got in Johnny’s pick up truck.

Johnny looked around. “What’s her problem? Am I missing something?”

“We used to be childhood friends.” Jaehyun told him plainly. “It’s a long story but I owe her a major apology when she gives me the chance.”

Ivy shrugged. “She’ll be okay once y’all have a conversation. You ready Johnny?”

He nodded and helped her up into his y’all truck. “See y’all. Be nice with my baby.” He told Jaehyun with a stern look.

Sasha burst out laughing. “You realize you’re only a few months older, right? I’m not a baby.”

“You are what I say you are!” He smirked with a chuckle and got in the drivers seat and pulled off.

Jaehyun opened his passenger side of his vehicle for her. It was a pretty red Audi car. You could tell that his parents paid a pretty penny for it, they had the finances for it though.

Sasha

“What did you need to talk about?” She finally asked as he pulled in front of her house.

He put his vehicle in park and sighed.

She could tell that whatever it was, it’s heavy. “Are you okay?”

He shook his head. “I know you’re probably wondering why I got sent off.”

“I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t thought about it. It’s weird that your parents have never mentioned you.”

He nodded. “I know. I caught my dad cheating on my mother and I guess that’s why I started acting out and doing my own thing.”

“He cheated? Oh my. I would’ve never guessed that.”

“I’m sure they portray as if they’re the perfect husband and wife. Our family is just as screwed up as I am.” His eyes began to water.

She stared at him for a moment. She squeezed his hand. “I don’t think you’re screwed up.” She spoke softly.

He looked over at her. “My mom knew he was cheating, Sasha. That’s what pissed me off even more! Max is not even her son, he’s my dad’s assistant that he cheated with!”

Sasha’s eyes widened. “Why are you telling me all of this?”

He shrugged. “I guess I feel like I can trust you. Sounds crazy, right? I barely know you but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” He breathed slowly for a moment. “I just needed someone to talk to and I didn’t want to be alone.”

She nodded. “You can trust me.”

Her phone pinged with a text. Brianne. She opened her phone and read the message. Last time I recalled Jeffrey was my friend. Why would you leave with him when me and him haven’t even made amends yet? That’s hurtful.

Sasha became irritated. My relationship with him has nothing to do with yours and his. I don’t understand why you’re so hurt. I want y’all to make things right.

Jaehyun noticed her expression. “Something wrong?” He leaned his head back on the headrest.

She shrugged. “Brianne is mad because I left with you.”

He sighed. “I know that’s your best friend and she used to be mines but please don’t let that affect our friendship or whatever else comes of it. You’re all I have that’s real right now. I’m going to make things okay with me and her but I’m not willing to stop seeing where you & I go.”

She smiled. Her cheeks warmed. “Wanna stay the night?”

His eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

“You say you don’t want to be alone, well neither do I. My parents are away until Sunday.” She revealed to him.

Shortly after they went inside her house. “I know it’s not fancy like yours but-“

“I love it. It’s cozy and it feels like there’s a lot of love in it.” He smiled and rubbed her shoulder.

Brianne

The next day she stood at her locker grabbing her materials for her first period.

“Hey, Brianne!” A guy with dark hair stopped in front of her with a HUGE smile on his face.

She looked up above her glasses. “Hi?” He had never talked to her before so she was a bit flustered by his appearance in front of her.

“I’m Taeil, I don’t know if you know me but we have chemistry!”

She raised an eyebrow. “What?!” She thought he was using a pick up line.

“The class? I missed yesterday and Mrs. Henderson said we learned some new stuff.”

“Oh yeah we did. Sorry my mind is everywhere but here.” She said with a quick laugh.

He smiled as he looked into her eyes. “She says you’re her top student, I’m barely making a C and if I fall below that I’ll lose my scholarship. Would you mind being my tutor maybe?”

Before she could answer she noticed Jaehyun and Sasha walking down the hallway together. “Uh yeah sure. I don’t have plans after school today.”

“Thank you so much! Where should I meet you?” He asked. He was ecstatic.

“We can meet at Starbucks if you’d like.”

He winked. “It’s a date!” He rubbed her shoulder and walked away.

For some reason she felt butterflies in her stomach. She hadn’t paid much attention to him before but he was very handsome and had caught her attention. She needed something to take her mind off of Jeffrey for a while. He sure wasn’t worried about her very much.

-Stay Tuned

[cecilitou]

Friday

The sound of Pete Buttigieg talking about impeachment, foreign relations, and other presidential topics droll on in my ears, already sufficiently stimulated by Motzart via my phone’s earbuds. Yet in my attempt to drown out the voice coming from the projector, as well as the whispers of the class all around me, I only make my annoyance grow into a dull thud in my chest. I am wearing white, gray and maroon socks with custom made flower print Vans, black pants from Urban Outfitters, a white Threads for Thought T-Shirt and a Cavetown dinosaur print tour sweatshirt. As the hushed whispers surround me, and Buttigieg goes into another rant about impeachment, I wonder if I forgot to take my Bupropion this morning. I distinctly remember waking up early and drinking a Sprite Zero as well as half of a Starbucks cold mocha, which I hated. I watched a couple of videos to bide my time and played a round of Teamfight Tactics, winning first place before realizing that it was five after eight, five minutes later than I usually leave. These reasons make me think that no, I hadn’t taken it, and I remember that I ended up leaving the Sprite Zero in my car this morning before entering the school, which had annoyed me earlier. After third period ends, I attempt to use the restroom but it is out of order (fucking why can you be out of order for a week, open for two weeks then out of order again?), so I walk towards the bus loop end of the school to use a different one. On the way there, I see (destor) walking with a friend, and her smile is contagious.

“What’s up?” I say,

“Going to tabletop club. Y’know, like D&D.” she replies.

“Yeah.” I say.

After she walks off without another word I am thoroughly disappointed that I couldn’t get a kiss or even a hug, but this is when my supposed lack of medication seems most evident, as the dull thud in my chest grows into a sickening pit that I am all too accustomed to. For the past two weeks it seems that my overly needy personality has been at least dulled by Bupropion, so this sudden pang of anxiety I get at not being able to hold her hand or hug her concerns me all the more, and then reminds me that I have a “date” with some girl I have no interest in talking to (watching a new movie, 21 Bridges, a movie that I am interested in seeing but not with someone that I am not interested in seeing), a situation that I have gotten myself into from being overly “nice” or accommodating or something. My dread only grows as I walk to the library and sit down, wondering if I have enough money in my bank account to order the movie tickets in advance. If I do order them in advance, that would mean that I would need to text her to inquire as to where she wants to sit, as seats are reserved in advance via the Fandango app. If I wait until I get there, I will undoubtedly have to wait in line for a long time, as it is a Friday night, and if I am waiting in line, then I will have to interact with this person for longer than I think I have the patience for. While I pored over the decisions, weighing over which would cause me less anguish, John joined me, probably doing college applications, and I told him of my problems.

“I don’t wanna go on this fucking date.” I say, quietly, as we are in the library.

“What date? With who?” he replies, giving me a side glance from the essay in front of him.

“Some girl who saw me chugging syrup on Severand’s Snapchat story.” I say, with growing irritation in my voice.

“Just say no. If I were you, I’d just tell her I’m not going anymore.” He says, almost laughing at my plight.

Strangely enough, this thought has never crossed my mind. “Just say no.” For some reason this seemed almost out of my sphere of capable social action.

“How crass. I already told her twice I was going, how could I just say no now?” I say, and show him our text “conversation”, which mostly consists of her texting some lengthy blabber, which I reply to in sparse, incomplete sentences, mostly sent hours after she had sent them (and I had seen them).

“Well, I’d still say no, if I didn’t like her.” He says, laughing, then returning to his college essay.

The direness of my situation continues to weigh down upon me, and I’m about ready to sulk through the rest of lunch in this nameless terror when Motzart is interrupted by a text:

“btw i was wrong, there’s no d+d club today because of the cit field trip, so if you desire band hall entertainment, i can provide it”

My heart jumps and I do as well, quickly putting my laptop into my backpack and rushing off.

[devil-in-those-eyes]

Walking Away Part 3-PK Imagine

God, okay so a week ago (Maybe) I got an ask if this was going to get a part three, 4,5 and 6 and I told them no but like... Damnit I totally jinxed myself because this is turning into a mini story lol. Let me know thoughts! I will also be fixing my masterlist and everything I’ve written since ‘Line’. I also have more prompts waiting to post and I’m working on a Noah story, which I hope you guys want!

Walking Away Part 1

Walking Away Part 2

           After you pulled into your driveway, you got out of the car and watched as Peter pulled up to the curb, unfolding himself out of the car and walking towards you but he stopped at the end of the driveway with a couple feet of air between you two. You stood there with the strap of your bag hanging off of your shoulder, your lips rolling together as you wondered what to say to him because what were you supposed to say? That you were in love with him, but didn’t think you two would last against Gen? That your younger brother looking up to him broke your heart because you felt like you had been betraying him by lying? That your mother started to care about Peter and joined you and Ms. Kavinsky at his lacrosse games?

           You just couldn’t. You wanted too, but you couldn’t. You began biting on your bottom lip when Peter’s eyes raked up and down your body, taking in what you had decided to wear today. A black skirt, with thigh high socks and a cropped sweater, a sliver of skin around the side of your waist playing peak-a-boo with him and begging him to just come slide his fingers over the skin.

           You looked so perfect, so beautiful. Peter had always noticed you as the quiet girl in his grade, the one who loved to do things that involved not being social, he had always thought you were pretty, but you flourished by his side and he knew he flourished too. He became a better person, his already decent grades spiked and he had become friends again with Lara Jean and got closer with Christine, Gen’s cousin. His life fell into place when you guys started this fake relationship and he stopped caring about Gen, and he only cared about you.

           He truly cared for your voice, for your heart and for your mind. Peter was completely fascinated with you. He was obsessed with how your mind worked, how your heart started beating for him. It was like he could hear your heart beat, because his beat the same rhythm. He just didn’t know how to convince you of that.

           “We need to talk,” he breathed, his eyebrows pulled together.

           You glanced down and nodded. You sighed deeply, “I’m sorry.”

           Peter had been forcing himself to stand right where he was because if he got too close, he didn’t want you backing away from him, but your soft words made his legs walk towards you. “Why are you sorry?” he whispered back, confused. He didn’t think you needed to apologize because what you said this morning was true, he wouldn’t have had the balls to ask you out if it weren’t for wanting to get Gen back, your relationship wouldn’t have happened without her taking Peter’s heart and trying to ruin it. He had no excuse for continuing to talk to Gen while thinking about taking you out on a real date, he should have stopped sooner but breaking the habit was hard. He had been with Gen for what felt like forever, and breaking a habit was hard but realizing he might lose you forever was the wake up call he needed to tell Gen to not speak to him again. He had told her that during second period, right after you walked away from him, she didn’t take it easily but she didn’t have a choice.

           “For everything,” you said, your chest feeling heavy as more tears threatened to spill. “For doing this, for you nearly getting into a fight.”

           Peter didn’t care if you backed away from him, all he did was reached for you. He touched his hand to your cheek and brought your eyes up to meet his, his heart slowly breaking all over again. A soft smile slowly made its way onto his face as his thumb touched your cheekbone, “I don’t get what you don’t understand about me fighting for you.”

           “But I don’t want you carrying all of my problems like that, it isn’t your fight.” You pleaded, willing him to listen to you. You didn’t see yourself as being loveable right now, you didn’t think you were in a good place and you didn’t want to burden him. With faking it, it was okay, but all of a sudden it wasn’t faking it. It was real.

           “Your problems aren’t a burden, you don’t have to carry them alone. I will always fight for you.” Peter declared, making your heart race.

           “Peter,” you said softly.

           “You’re not ready,” he cut you off and slid his hand into your hair, cradling the back of your head. “and whatever you’ve got going on in your head, work through it. But if you think I’m walking away then you’re wrong, I’ll wait for you.”

           Your heart burst at his declaration. His head lowered to yours and you closed your eyes and savored in the feeling of his lips touching your cheek softly. “I love you,” he whispered into your ear before he pulled away from you and left you standing there, attempting to regulate your breathing again.

           Peter got inside his car and drove off. You chewed on your bottom lip and walked into your silent house. You felt like you had to find yourself before you could make a relationship with Peter, you had never been alone because you had been dating Y/Ex/N since you could remember and you wanted to find out who you were without a boyfriend. One that you needed to know you could trust because up until a couple days ago, as far as you knew, Peter was still into Gen. You needed Peter to know that it was truly over and you weren’t just a rebound to him.

           For the rest of the night, you avoided any and all talk with your mother, because you knew she would ask you about Peter. You finished your homework and right before you went to bed, you stared at Peter’s contact, wondering if you should call him because that had been your routine for a while. Finish homework, Peter would magically know and as soon as you put down your pen, he’d call. But you didn’t and you went to bed, or at least tried to sleep.

           When you got to school the next morning, the talk of the day wasn’t on you but was on Greg, one of Peter’s close friends, and his Halloween party that was this upcoming weekend. You and your best friend were supposed to go with Peter, as a threesome, but now you didn’t even know if you were still invited because Greg was Peter’s friend, not yours.

           You took a deep breath as you opened up your locker, your eyes and ears on high alert for Peter, but you haven’t seen him yet.

           “Hey, Y/N,” Greg said as he came up to you.

           “Hi, Greg.” You smiled.

           “You’re still coming to my party, right?” he asked as you fished out your books and notebooks for the first three periods.

           “Uh, I don’t know.” You breathed and smiled nervously.

           “Listen,” Greg rested against the locker beside yours. “I get that you and Peter are taking a break, but I don’t want you to not come because of that. I think you’re a cool girl, and I really would like it if you still came.”

           Your heart melted at his words. Greg had always been sweet to you, and you had seen how close him and Peter were on multiple occasions. He always had Peter’s back, no matter what. “What about Peter?”

           “What about him?” Greg shrugged, “Peter told me you guys were on decent terms, so I think you should come.”

           “We’ll be there,” Y/F/N said as she came up behind you, you looked at her and saw her giving you an encouraging smile so you turned to Greg and smiled, silently agreeing with her.

           Greg’s face immediately broke out into a grin, “Sweet, it starts at 9. Costumes are mandatory.”

           You watched as Greg walked away so you turned and looked at Y/F/N, “We were supposed to go as sexy nurses with Peter being the doctor, what’re we supposed to go as now?”

           Y/F/N was notorious for getting into trouble and there wasn’t much trouble that you didn’t get into either when she was around. You believed that if your best friend wanted to do it, you’d do it too. Even if you ended up in a jail cell together wondering why the hell you decided it was a good idea. So when the devil touched her eyes and her lips curled into a smile you suddenly started to worry that this wasn’t such a good idea.

           “Don’t worry, gorgeous. I got it handled.”

           “Y/F/N…” you groaned before letting your head fall back.

           “Ladies,” you heard Peter say so you turned your head to see him walking towards you two with a smile on his pretty face. He was in black jeans and a navy blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up just under his forearms, he looked so good and it was starting to make your head hurt. “How are my two favorite people?”

           “Hey, PK.” Your friend greeted with a smile as if you did not just ‘break up’ yesterday.

           Peter looked away from your friend and at you, “I brought you something.”

           “What?” you asked him while grabbing one more textbook and shoving your lunch box inside, your eyebrows pulled together and creased the space between them. Last night, right before you went to bed, Peter sent you one last text that promised he wasn’t going to stop talking to you just because you ended it, even though it hadn’t been real that long, and you only now realized he was keeping to his word.

           You hadn’t realized he was holding something behind his back until he brought out what he was holding and showed you a grande Starbucks and a little white bag that had a goodie. Your heart melted because you remembered it was Friday and for the past couple weeks Peter had started showing up every Thursday with Starbucks, and he hadn’t forgotten today.

           “I remembered they had the PSL so,” he said and offered it to you. “They also had your favorite bagel for once.”

           “Lucky bitch,” you heard your friend mumble as you took your favorite fall drink.

           “Thanks, Peter,” you smiled and sipped it.

           “You should’ve texted me that you wanted one, Y/F/N,” Peter answered and you smiled as your best friend waved him off.

           “It’s okay, PK, next week.” She answered.

           “So,” Peter turned his head to look at you, making your heart stop inside your chest. He rubbed his hands together, “Are you going to Greg’s on tomorrow?”

           You didn’t want to tell him yes because you didn’t really know. You had told Greg you were but you didn’t know what you were going as, even if Y/F/N was planning new outfits so you settled on, “Maybe.”

           Looking slightly disappointed Peter’s eyes rounded. Y/F/N placed an arm over your shoulders, “We’re going as dates, sorry but we kicked you out.”

           Even though it was a joke, and your friend wore a joking smile, you could see the sadness behind his smile and inside his eyes. You three had been talking about a threeway costume for the last month, ever since Greg invited you and Y/F/N. You tried not to dwell on it as Y/F/N pulled you away, “Bye, PK!”

           “Bye ladies,” Peter answered and gave you one last smile.

[echelonlab-blog]

Bound By Ink -- Chapter 40

Disclaimer: Fiction.

Warnings: None

Tagging: @hazeleyedleto @msroxyblog @letojokerownsme @miss-shannanigans @snewsome756   @maliciousalishious   @nikkitasevoli@meghan12151977@sanellv@ambolton@bradlea23@spillinginkwithlove@alexis7215@dezmarz@pezziecoyote@whoistheprettiest@avaj99@iridescxntsolitude@pheenixpeterson@guccilowell@blondiefrommars@rowen1976@phoebehalliwell1984@thathipstaninja@darthjokerisyourfather@letsbemybatman @prettymisc@lylabell2013@mandyglam@pandaliciouz@just-me-obsessing@echelon-1969@carolinapb-me@marilyndioncre

     The next few days were insanely crazy with Jayce recovering from surgery and my refusal to go home, even for a shower for fear of Stephanie returning. I hated that fucking bitch and she would not go near my son again. Ryan and his parents came by to visit and it was nice for Jayce to see a friendly face. I thought for sure that’s why he was smiling, but it wasn’t. It all became clear later that afternoon when Sara popped in for a quick visit. She stayed for about thirty minutes and Jayce was already making plans with her for another date. I didn’t want to embarrass him, but once we were home, we would have a long talk about the fact that he needs to take things slow.

  It was just after evening rounds when I gave Shannon my keys and asked him to go to my apartment to pack me some clothing and a few other items. Oh my God, how strange it felt to put my faith and confidence in someone again. I was willingly entrusting him with not only my heart but Jayce’s as well. If this ended badly, I would likely be broken down and emotionally destroyed, but I wasn’t even worried for myself, I was worried for Jayce. He and Shannon quickly developed this amazing bond and had their own little fist bump and all. I could see the silent communication in their eyes as I vocalized my concerns about Stephanie and Jayce’s failure to tell me how bad he had been feeling before this latest episode. As much as it warmed my heart to witness the bond Jayce had developed with all of Shannon’s family, at the same time, it terrified me.

 Unlike my cranky mother, Connie showed up with some food for me and Jayce and then ended up sticking around for a few hours, entertaining my son with stories. Barbara only stayed for a few hours the day after surgery and felt content enough with calling to check on him daily. She fluctuated, either inserting herself way too much in my personal life, or observing from a safe distance. The only problem was you never knew which Barbara you would incur. Connie was so classy and cool, the polar opposite of my mother. I recognized she could never be the annoying mother in law type.

  Shannon entered the room carrying a backpack, setting it down on the end of Jayce’s bed. “Hey Mom, I didn’t know you’d be here.” He leaned down to kiss her face and then moved closer to me. “Alright baby, I got everything you asked for. Why don’t you go ahead and shower and I’ll hang out with Jayce?”

 “I should be going too, it’s getting late.” Connie stood, covering the veggie lasagna she made. I grinned as she moved toward me, wrapping her arms around me. “You call me if you need anything at all.”

  “I will, thank you so much for the yummy food. I was starving to death.”

 “Of course.” She took a few steps over to the bed to pat Jayce on the arm. “I had a nice time with you Jayce, I just hope next time I see you, it will be outside of a hospital.”

 My son was so well mannered and thanked her for the visit, causing me to smile proudly. Sometimes he could be such a gentleman and other times I wanted to smack him. After she exited, I closed myself in the tiny bathroom to shower, taking with me the backpack. I was so delighted to find out that he had gone shopping because I didn’t have any of the stuff he brought in my bathroom.

  I slipped out of my clothing and took one of the fastest showers in history. I then got dressed and covered my feet with the thick, furry socks he bought for me. God, that man could be so thoughtful. The young nurse was chatting with Jayce about his pain meds when I retreated from the bathroom. We spent a few minutes talking about the fact that Jayce may be discharged the next day, and then she was gone.

   Shannon was stretched out on my makeshift bed. “You look tired baby.”

 “I’m kinda exhausted, it’s been stressful trying to get comfy in here and ugh.. I can’t wait to sleep in a real bed!” I knew I was whining, but I didn’t care.

“Mom you can go home, I’ll be fine,” Jayce muttered from his bed. I probably shouldn’t have complained in front of him and made him feel guilty.

 Shannon looked at Jayce and back at me. “I’ll stay with Jayce tonight if you want to go home or just sleep at my place, which is actually closer by the way.”

  Folding my arms, I frowned. “Not gonna happen, so drop it, both of you.”

 I started moving things around, what I always did when I was stressed out. I know they thought I didn’t see it, but their silent conversation was happening again. “I saw that!” I snarled, making Jayce’s room all neat and tidy.

 “Saw what?” Jayce asked.

 Whirling around, I shifted my weight to one foot and frowned, smirking with one raised eyebrow and nodding at my son. “The two of you.”

 “Hey, I didn’t say a word. We’re innocent.” Shannon added, giving yet another failed wink to Jayce.

  Once I stopped cleaning, I walked over and stood in front of Shannon. “You’re in my bed, sir.”

    “Sir? Mmmmm... I could make so many comments right now, but since there’s a child present, I won’t.” He giggled listening to Jayce’s gagging noises and leaned forward, forcing me onto the small fold out couch. “Lot of room babe. Guess I’ll stay with you guys tonight.”

There really wasn’t, but after turning off the light, I got comfy lying partly on his chest and didn’t want him to leave me. “It’s fine if your arm goes dead and you want to leave, I’ll understand.”

 He kissed my head. “I’m not leaving babe.” We both dozed off. Unfortunately, during the night we were startled by the nurse checking on Jayce periodically. I just knew I’d wake up with a migraine.

Shannon was up before me and went out to get coffee. He returned with Starbucks and then let me know that he wanted to go check on something that he and Jared had been working on.

 As Jayce was eating breakfast, the doctor came in and checked Jayce’s incision. I tried to sit back and listen, allowing Jayce to carry on his own conversation with the Dr. When he was finished, I was told that my son would definitely be discharged.

I knew it would be hours before they got everything ready to go, so I sent Shannon a text. Jayce was so antsy, steadily texting Sara and whining about wanting to get dressed in his own clothing. It’s terrible when you know something is coming, but you have to patiently wait for it. I could so relate, the back of my hair was knotty and I just wanted to go home and shower in my bathroom and sleep in my own bed!

  Shannon even showed up before they reappeared with the discharge papers just before three in the afternoon. I listened carefully to all of the instructions and Shannon grabbed the bags. Jayce was wheeled down to the exit, and we loaded up and left the hospital, finally.

I was expecting to be headed in the direction of my apartment, but instead, we ended up at Shannon’s house. I looked at him confused and he giggled. “Come on, grumpy pants.”

Jayce and I followed him inside, where he directed us to the guest bedroom. When he opened the door, I looked inside and then back at him. “Okay...”

 “This is Jayce’s room, for when he’s here...... unless you take me up on my offer and move in.” My mouth dropped open because I didn’t even agree to this. I looked around, realizing that this is what he had been working on today. He had taken his time to decorate the bedroom so nice and neat.

 Jayce already went inside and sat on the bed. “I love it! Thank you so much! Mom... please!”

[mirai-eats]

Twenty Minutes of Awkward Silence

Keith needs help studying for an English midterm and Pidge knows exactly who can help.

Voltron, klance/laith, 3,218 words, rated G, modern/college AU

MASTERPOST

“How likely will I get out of this exam if I throw myself off a bridge?” Keith sighed.

“If you give your professor a heads up you’re gonna attempt suicide she’ll probably give you a couple days extension.” Pidge didn’t even look up from her textbook. “I heard she’s nice.”

“Yeah, she’s nice, but I have to read almost whole novels before every class on top of all the short stories and poems and a reading exercise. Who does she think I am, an English major?”

“This is a class aimed towards English majors, so, yeah, it’s right to assume so.”

Keith huffed. “I’m interested in American Lit. I was hoping we would go over Edgar Allen Poe, but he’s not even on the syllabus at all and I’m already too far in to drop the class.”

“Woe is me, my class doesn’t provide my emo poetry,” Pidge mocked, voice rising a little over a whisper. The guy sitting at the table next to them threw a dirty look their way over their ceaseless chatter, or really, aggressive whispering.

“Please let me live. I just really like The Raven. And I thought it would be a fun class, but this is the least fun I’ve had in my academic career.” Keith slumped over the table and rested on the open pages of the thick, bible-paged textbook.

There was a few moments of silence between the two, where Pidge focused on writing down some equations from her book and Keith kept sighing despondently into the abused book.

“Stop sighing and get a tutor,” Pidge snapped. “I have a midterm in two hours and my study guide isn’t even done.”

“I don’t know anyone in class and I don’t have money to buy one,” Keith groaned.

“Ask Lance,” she said simply.

Keith bolted upright from his textbook pillow. “What?”

“Ask Lance.” She finally looked up from her notes. “It’s his minor. He probably already took the class and has old notes he could give you.”

Keith’s mouth went dry. “Isn’t - isn’t Allura and English major? Wouldn’t it be easier to ask her?”

Pidge smirked. “Oh, you could, but she’s busy working on university applications on top of her midterms. Besides, I’m pretty sure she took World Lit instead, so she wouldn’t be able to help you.”

Keith bit his lip and absently flipped through the Bible-thin pages, the sides weighed down with numerous note tabs and crinkled at the tops. He didn’t want to look at her, would rather be looking at this specific chapter of Huckleberry Finn.

“He doesn’t bite dude.” Pidge reaches across the table and touched his hand. “Lance is a seriously sweet guy. Like, I know everyone’s he’s dated up to this point were all stupid to break up with him. He’s so dang sweet and considerate with them. If anyone deserves a guy like Lance, it’s you, okay?” Keith looked up and met her stern gaze. “I really think you should tell him how you feel. It’s stressing you out so much you’re scared to ask for help. And maybe, if he rejects you, it would help clear the air. Yeah, it’ll be awkward for a bit, but trust me, you’ll feel better.”

“When did you get smart on people’s feelings?” Keith snorted.

Pidge pulled back her hand with an anguished look on her face. “I may suck at emotions, but I’m clearly better than your pining ass if you need advice from me.”

“Didn’t ask for it. You freely gave it.”

“You looked so pathetic, I needed to do something. You didn’t say it, but your puppy dog eyes and depressive sighs said you did.”

“Um, thanks, I guess,” Keith said and looked back down at his book.

“No problem. Now text him because when’s this test?” Pidge cupped her hand over her ear and leaned foreward.

“In two days . . .”

“Yeah . . . text him. You need help.” Pidge slammed her book shut and started gathering her stuff.

Keith pulled out his phone and nervously typed out a message, erased it, then typed out a new one. It took him probably a good five minutes too long to type it out. He handed his phone over to Pidge, who was standing over him like a hawk and watching his progress, to double check if it was okay. Without even pausing to look she hit send.

“What was that for! I needed you to proofread it!” Keith snatched the phone from her hands, who was too busy cackling to actually stop him.

“Dude it’s a simple ‘I need help studying for English can you help me?’ Not a confession! Jesus, oh my God, Keith.” She snorted.

Before Keith could give her a retort, his phone vibrated and startled him enough to fumble with the phone for a second. His hands were so clammy he had to swipe a couple times to actually open up the text message.

Me Today 10:43AM Hey I’m not doing too hot in my English class right now but Pidge told me it’s your minor and you probably took the class already would you be able to help me study? The exams on Thursday.

Lance Today 10:44AM Ya sure what English is it so I can find my notes? Today 10:45AM & we can do it tonight?

Keith sucked in a breath. “Tonight?”

Pidge frowned. “Why are you asking me for permission? You’re a big boy now.”

“I’m scared?”

“Text him, ya goof! Now I gotta run to class. Stay safe and make good choices.” Pidge waved and she was gone. Keith gave a solemn wave and turned back to his phone.

Me Today 10:47AM American Lit 241 with Corey this class is a mistake but I already put too much work in it. And tonight works.

Lance Today 10:47AM OH I LOVE HIM I LOVE 241 YES I CAN HELP U MY PLACE OR URS OR LIKE A STARBUCKS MY DUDE? A LIBRARY? A LIBRARY MIGHT BE BAD

Me Today 10:48AM Would my place work? Shiro’s out and from what you told me your roommates lowkey scare me. Is 4 ok?

Lance Today 10:48AM I get off class @ 4:15 so 4:30ish?

Lance Today 10:49AM I’ll find all my old notes and study guides & I’ll bring some guac

Keith smiled and tucked his phone away so he could at least pretend he was reading. It was a little difficult with that weird fluttering in his chest and trying to contain the smile on his face. He couldn’t help it! He was going to have his first date with Lance! Well, no, this wasn’t technically a date, but this would be the first time they’ll be hanging out by themselves in the few months they’ve known each that’s actually planned ahead and not them running into each other in the courtyard or library. No one was bound to run into them, too. And best of all, Shiro’s gone for the night to a concert in the next city over with Matt and Allura.

Maybe Pidge is right, this is the perfect time to tell him how he feels. But maybe after they get some studying done to avoid any awkwardness that Keith is sure to bring.

Tonight couldn’t come fast enough.

Scratch that thought. By the time four came around Keith was stressed out.

At exactly 4:19, a knock rang through Keith’s little apartment. He sat there for a few moments trying to wipe the sweat off his palms and work up the courage to stand up. At 4:20, he stood outside the door with a hand hovering over the doorknob, that damn fluttering in his chest and belly kicked into overdrive. It was hard to breath with what felt like his lungs were full of beating wings.

At 4:21 he opened the apartment door to Lance’s near blinding grin.

“420 blaze it,” he said.

“It’s passed 4:20 you missed it,” Keith huffed and stepped aside to let him in.

“It’s your fault for taking so long to open the door,” Lance frowned and kicked off his shoes next to where Keith and Shiro had theirs neatly lined in the shoe rack by the door. “You ruined my joke, mullet.”

“Mullet?” Keith had instinctively went to touch the ends of the hair curled around his neck.

“Yeah, business in the front and party in the back. Although,” Lance reached up and caught a lock between his fingers. “You’re more like angry in the front scary in the back.”

Keith had locked up at the brush of fingertips to his hair but immediately melted at that comment. He frowned and said, “Shut up.”

Lance snorted and came fully into the apartment. “I have the guac but sadly, I don’t have the good tortilla chips. Just some generic party brand.”

“I’m not picky.” Keith took the tupperware full of the delicious, green goop and chips from him and put it on the ottoman tray where two textbooks, a handful of of pens, a notebook, and a half empty mug of coffee were already strewn across it.

“Alright so,” Lance plopped down in the couch and started rifling through the notes, ”if the test is in two days, and this is all your notes, then I’m really scared for you.”

Hesitantly, Keith took a seat as close as he could next to Lance so he could still reach the notes but left several inches of space between them. God, did hearts normally beat this fast? “I need so much help. I’m not even gonna pretend that I know what I’m doing.”

“Well,” Lance paused to eat a chip heaped with guacamole, “you need to know who wrote what and generally when, so that’s a start. Take notes on general information like a summary along with maybe like a little factoid about the author and the time period. Then, basic things like literary elements, themes, and characters. After that, we can go over discussion questions to help you get a better idea of what you’re doing.”

“What the fuck,” Keith whispered.

“Don’t worry,” Lance patted his arm. “Corey likes to hype you up and over-prepare you, but once you sit down, the exam’s like, ten questions, and only four of them are long answer.”

“Do you see all these tabs I have in here?! I have two days to learn all this!” Keith could feel the rising panic bubbling in this chest. It overpowered those beating wings.

“Hey, hey calm down, it’s alright.” Lance turned in his seat to run his hand up and down Keith’s back in a soothing gesture. “Yeah, it’s scary, but trust me it’s all the hype. We can cut down on a lot of the reading. You don’t need to know every single poem. Just breath, it’ll be okay.”

Keith took a steadying breath then finally nodded. “Okay. Where do we start?”

Lance reached into the backpack he brought and pulled out his laptop and two of his own copies of the textbooks. They were worn down and had probably twice as many tabs in it as Keith’s did. “Sparknotes,” he simply said.

“Why? I- I thought we couldn’t?” Keith felt like Lance just slapped him with some forbidden knowledge.

“Professors hate it when we cheat with Sparknotes, but I’m taking sixteen units this semester, so I’m allowed a break. Hand me your reading list. Let’s write down what we need to focus on first before we can write up a study guide. Then, after that, we can go over it.” Lance cracked open his worn book to one of the tabbed pages; the thin paper bled in a rainbow of pens and highlighters. There was almost as much text scribbled in the margins as there were in the text itself.

Keith gave a hum in acknowledgment and passed the reading list to Lance.

Much to Keith’s surprise, Lance was very no-nonsense when he came to studying. He helped Keith outline everything he needed to know, then pulled up Google, Sparknotes, and even his own notes (which, Keith noted, where near illegible) to go through every bit of information Lance believed he would need. It was tedious work going through a few dozen short stories and poems in great detail, but he would admit that this was actually fun. Lance kept the mood light and easy, but best of all, his endless stream of commentary actually felt like it helped Keith learn the material better. At first, Keith thought Lance was goofing off, but later realized in Lance’s own roundabout way this was helping the material stick, like:

“If you really think about it  Luck of Roaring Camp is basically like a family can be fifty dads, a dead prostitute as the mother, and a singular baby they still somehow managed to kill. There’s fifty of them, Keith. Fifty.”

“Jim is perfect and doesn’t deserve any of this mistreatment. Huck? Yeah, he was a dick but he was actually getting character development until Tom Sawyer shows up and decides to ruin everything for the drama. God I hate Tom, that racist asshole. Why does he get a whole attraction at Disneyland and not Jim? Jim deserves an island.”

“I didn’t actually read Law of Life but it’s Jack London. It probably has something to do with nature and death, maybe socialism, too.”

“Hey, Lance?” Keith cut through one of their rare moments of silence. Lance grunted to cue Keith to keep talking. “You’re. . . really good at this. Like, you obviously love these classes, so why isn’t this a major?”

Lance put down the book he had buried his nose and gave a thoughtful hum before he turned to face Keith. “I’m passionate about English but this is something that’s more of a hobby than anything. But I can’t have three majors, I already tried it for like a semester and decided that it wasn’t worth it so I bumped it down to a minor. Linguistics and education are tough but I really want to take up a teaching job after college and teach kids languages. Maybe I’ll go back to school to get a full bachelors in English one day, who knows.”

“What language would you teach?”

“Spanish, probably. Or even Spanish to English. I know French and I’m learning ASL right now for the heck of it but I just really love learning new languages. After my ASL courses I’m gonna pick up either Korean or Japanese I haven’t decided yet. Oops, sorry,” Lance said as he jerked back, a dark hue coloring his face. “I got off topic a bit.”

“No, no it’s fine!” Was keith flapping his hands around again like an idiot? He was, wasn’t he. “I like listening to you talk. It’s nice.” He wanted to physically kick his own ass for letting that slip now.

“Oh, um, thanks.” Lance’s cheeks flushed darker and he turned away.

“Let’s uh, get back to work.” Keith slid the textbook closer to him and attempted to bury his face into the thin, ink soaked pages.

The silence that followed was the thickest, most awkward twenty minutes of his life. Keith couldn’t focus on the scribbled over text and his notes. Instead, he kept side eyeing Lance and the clock. He hated this. Lance was zeroed in on his laptop screen, lounged across the little loveseat like it was his own place. It was impossible to tell if he could feel the tension too between them, or if Keith imagined it on his own. He should just. . . break the silence and tell him. This is too much, the silence too thick and cloying. The weird fluttering in his chest had settled heavily in his gut, pounding harshly against his insides. Sweat had coated the inside of Keith’s hands and was it him or was it getting hotter and harder to breath in here?

Pidge told him it would be ideal to clear the air with Lance to at least get this off his chest. Of course, she’s right. Keith felt like once he told Lance he would feel so much better but he didn’t want to ruin this friendship they’ve developed and make it awkward. Like now, he thought bitterly. It’s hard for him to make new friends being as socially inept as he was. Lance is one of the few friendships he managed to make by himself without Shiro’s meddling and he’ll be damned if he ruined it over a stupid, gay crush.

But on the other hand, he needed to stop psyching himself out and give himself a solid do it, Kogane because he knows Lance is a sweet guy. He would never hurt him or intentionally push him away.

Before he could scare himself with more uncharacteristic inner monologuing, Keith decided he needed to shape the fuck up and tell this boy how he feels.

He took a deep steadying breath, put down the textbook in his lap, and turned to face Lance fully. “Hey,” he said softly.

Lance looked up from his laptop, his glazed over eyes snapped to attention. “What up?”

Do it, Kogane. “I like you.”

If Lance hadn’t been paying attention before he certainly is now. A crease formed between his brows and his mouth opened like a fish.

“I like you a lot, like, more than a friend? And uh, if you don’t feel the same way that’s fine I can get over it I just don’t want to mess us up, you know? And if-”

“Hey Keith?” Lance cut off his rambling. “I like you, too.”

“No, no! Lance, I really like you, like, I want to date you and hold your hand and stuff kind of like!”

Lance giggled, Keith felt his heart do a backflip. “Keith, I want to date you too.”

“You do?” Keith’s heart kept doing backflips but straight out of his chest.

“I do.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. I want to hold your hand and be your boyfriend and stuff.”

Now it was Keith’s turn to gape like a fish. He could feel his cheeks getting hot under Lance’s gaze but he didn’t care at all because Lance wanted to hold his hand too. “Can we,” Keith hesitated. “Can we hold hands and be boyfriends now?”

The grin that split across Lance’s flushed face made Keith’s heart levitate. That deep, heavy feeling in his gut was gone. Keith tentatively reached over the loveseat where Lance reached out his own hand to meet in the middle. They gently held hands without interlacing their fingers; neither wanting to squeeze too hard, scared it would pop this little bubble of happiness they made.

This warmth Keith felt in his chest was overwhelming. He wasn’t complaining though; it felt wonderful. Lance was his boyfriend now.

Lance was the first to pop the comfortable bubble around them. “Hey, you started the explication paper, too, right? The one that’s due at midnight the same day as the midterm, I’m guessing?”

Keith froze. “The what?”

“You know, the six page minimum poetry explication with six academic sources that counts as a good 20% of your grade?”

Keith leaned away from Lance, then pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned loudly.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” Lance whispered, almost fearfully.

“I forgot the paper!”

[negasonicteenagemess]

Unbearable || Peter Parker Imagine

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Request:  Could you write an imagine where the reader is Tony Stark’s daughter and is dating Peter Parker and something happens between them, either like assuming the other one cheated and idk one or the other is hurt and idk i wonder what the situation would end up being like? Thank you!

Word Count: 1752 words

(i think I’ve used this gif before but there aren’t many left)

For a couple of weeks now, Y/N has noticed how her boyfriend, Peter, has been getting closer and closer to her best friend Liz. He used to always eat lunch with Y/N and sit next to her in classes. Now, he’s doing that with the perfect Liz Allen. Sometimes, the young girl thought that Peter was dating her for her last name. Stark. Y/N wasn’t jealous of her friend, just envious of the attention she was getting from Peter. Y/N wanted to get closer to her boyfriend again, and she didn’t know what to do.

One day when she went over to Peter’s house, he was being awfully distant. Y/N knew about his alter ego Spider-Man because his relationship with her dad. She knew that was part of the reason why he was bailing on dates but, he would always try to make time with Y/N at least three times a week. That all changed the day he started hanging out with Liz more. The couple only hang out once a week now. So, while she sat on his bed, all she could think about was how he was most likely cheating on her.

“Peter?” She asked quietly. He was on his phone, by his desk, barely paying attention to the girl who was breaking inside. “Hm?” He muttered, smiling at his phone. He tapped the screen lightly to, what Y/N could gather, text someone back.

“Who are you texting?” She asked softly again, looking down at her legs hanging off the edge of the bed. Peter stuttered, “It’s n-no one.” He put his phone down to give his girlfriend his full undivided attention.

“We need to talk Peter.” She forced out, looking him in the eye. “Isn’t that what we’re doing now?” He chuckled at his own statement.

“I mean about us Peter!” Y/N said, angrier than before. This surprised Peter. She was never normally…. angry. Y/N exhaled, trying to keep her cool.

“W-What about us?” He stuttered, “I thought we were doing fine.”

“You’ve been ditching me Peter but, not to protect the city. To hang out with my best friend. And don’t try to deny it cause I see pictures of you guys on her Snapchat all the time.” She sniffled. Peter sighed, “Y/N,” he said shaking his head slightly, standing up to go sit next to her. Before he could complete his statement, she interrupted, “Are you cheating on me with Liz?” She asked.

He shook his head yet again, grabbing her face with both of his hands, turning her towards his. “No, it’s…..it’s not like that.” Y/N got out of his grasp by standing up. Tears started to escape her eyes.  

“Then what’s it like Peter?” She demanded, crossing his arms. Peter sat there on his bed, trying to think of an answer. “It’s just,” he couldn’t continue. He didn’t know what to say.

“It’s just what?” Y/N questioned, getting loud again. Peter looked at his hands.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Y/N.” He couldn’t tell her his plan. Not yet. She’ll forgive me though, he thought. She scoffed, uncrossing her arms to grab her stuff. Before she left his bedroom, she turned to look at him. “You know what Peter,” she scoffed, “Liz is all your’s now.” she spat, slamming his bedroom door.

Y/N scurried towards the front door of the apartment. May was sitting on the couch, watching the girl leave. She smiled sadly, “Bye May,” she opened the door but stopped at the sound of his voice. “Y/N,” He said from across the room with a sad look on his face. “Goodbye, Peter.” She slammed the door not looking back.

School the next day was awful for both Peter and Y/N. Peter had no girlfriend to constantly boast about and Y/N had no one to kiss or greet by her locker in the morning. At lunch, Y/N sat with Liz, not saying anything to her with her friends not speaking as well. Liz broke the silence, “I heard you and Peter broke up.“She said sympathetically. Y/N scoffed, “Let me guess, he told you? Did he tell you why?” Liz nodded her head, “He isn’t cheating on you Y/N.” She said looking at the girl honestly.

“Well obviously he isn’t cause we aren’t together, which means he can date anyone he wants. Including you.” Y/N said, grabbing her lunch and moving to sit somewhere away from Liz, and away from Peter. He saw Y/N stand up, angrily and move away from her best friend. This was all his fault.

Later that day, when Peter arrived at the Avengers tower, Tony was furious. Tony walked with Peter into his lab, grabbing the boy by the color of his shirt viciously. “I’ll give you ten seconds to explain why you cheated on my little girl.” He said with venom lacing his voice.

“That’s not what happened, Mr. Stark. I swear.” Peter expressed with a worried tone.. Tony let go of his collar glaring at him. “Then why has Y/N been crying her eyes out?”

Peter rubbed his face with his hands wanting all of this to just blow over. He hated the fact that it was HIS fault as to why the love of his life wasn’t smiling. “Liz was helping me with something…” Peter trailed off, making the genius confused. “Is that a euphemism for sex or something?” Tony grimaced.

“No! No, oh god no. Nothing like that.” Peter said in shock and slight disgust. “What was it then?” Tony crossed his arms, just like Y/N did last night.

Peter sighed, “Liz is Y/N’s best friend so I went to her for advice.”

“For what?” Tony asked, less agitated at the young superhero standing in front of him. Peter looked at his shoes while bouncing on his feet. “I needed help for asking your daughter to Homecoming, so I thought, who knows her better than she knows herself and I thought Liz. That’s all we were doing Mr. Stark.” He said sadly, realizing that all the help he was getting didn’t matter because he wasn’t with his girl anymore.

Tony was still confused, “Couldn’t you have Googled ideas?” He asked,knowing now that it was all a misunderstanding between the juvenile lovers. Peter shook his head.

“It’s not that easy Mr. Stark. I thought maybe Y/N wanted a subtle way to be asked to the dance. But what if she wanted something completely extraordinary. That’s why I went to Liz. But I wasn’t with her constantly. I was with her handful of lunch periods, and we went to Starbucks to talk about it once. Only once.” He explained. Dropping his backpack on the floor.

“How do you plan on asking her?” Tony questioned walking around his lab.

“We’re not together anymore…..” Peter said as if Tony wasn’t listening to the conversation, following the man around the lab. Tony turned around to face Peter. “I don’t care, You were good for her. And I don’t want her dating some idiot. Now, how are you going to ask her?” He questioned Peter yet again.Peter had a big smile on his face, ready to tell him.

That night, there was a knock on Y/N’s window. It wasn’t too late at night, but she knew exactly who it was. “Go away.” She said, loud enough for him to hear her through the window. He tapped on the glass again, “Go away!” She said slightly louder. The tapping continued much to her dismay. Y/N groaned and got up off of her bed to open the window.

She looked through the glass to see Peter Parker, or Spider-Man, hanging upside down on a web, holding a huge teddy bear and roses in one hand with a poster in the other that said, “It would be unBEARable to go to Homecoming without you” in red letters. Y/N froze, looking at him with wide eyes. He flipped over and let go of the webbing.

She opened the window, helping the boy through it and into her room. “Peter, what the hell? We aren’t a thing anymore, remember?” She said a bit agitated. Peter put the poster down, grabbing his mask off of his face, shaking his head to fix his hair. “I swear that I didn’t cheat on you with Liz, alright? She was just helping me with ideas to ask you to Homecoming.” Peter admitted, wanting her to know the truth. Y/N had a more understanding look in her eyes.

“Then why were you bailing on all of our dates?” She asked.

“Crime rates have gone up in New York, despite everyone’s effort to stop it. Trust me, I wanted to go on those dates with you, it’s just- someone needs to be there for the city after the whole hero versus hero thing.” He rushed. “Please, you have to believe me.” He said sadly.

Y/N ran to him, wrapping her arms around him. Peter let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I’m such an asshole,” the girl in his arms mumbled against his shoulder, “I should’ve listened to you. I’m so sorry.” Peter rubbed one hand on her back reassuringly holding his gifts for her in the other. “There’s no need to apologize. I would’ve done the same thing though.” He stated honestly. The two pulled away from each other.

Peter moved to pick up the poster to show her again. He had a cheesy grin on his face as he held everything. “Will you go to homecoming with me?” He asked. Y/N nodded her head, “Of course I will.”

Peter went to hand her the teddy bear and the roses. “You know what you should name him?“ Peter asked rhetorically. “What?” She asked with a smile on her face, smelling the flowers.

“Spider-Man.” He said with a smirk on his face, “So that I’m always with you.” Y/N chuckled, examining the bear. “I think it suits him.” She mimicked his smirk, leaning in to kiss the real Spider-Man

[lady-nevermore]

Dear Wolf....Tbh, our friendship was doomed from the start.

Disclaimer: The people whom I’ll be writing these letters to will remain anonymous for obvious reasons, nor will I actually be sending (or wanting for them to read) these so-called letters (hence why I’m calling/tagging these as “Letters to No One

Dear L*** (Codename: Wolf - Cause you told me how much you loved, and how your fave animal are wolves).

Dear Wolf,

*sighs* ....I don’t even know where the fuck to begin tbh. :/

The beginning seems like the best place to start I guess; It was year the 2007, during our 6th period English Class, of our freshmen year of highschool. First couple days of class, and your were sitting behind my desk, I remember cause you kept obnoxiously, and deliberately shaking my desk so damn violently just to annoy the fuck out of me (i kept asking you politely to stop, like multiple times, but you persisted anyways); till it made me snap and i raised my voice, telling you to STOP!.....Don’t think it worked tho, cause I remember asking our English Teacher (Ms. H) if I could change seats, and she allowed it. -___-;

It wasn’t until later on in our freshmen year, that you realized I liked anime (most importantly to you: Inuyasha and Naruto); I’m not sure, if this was what got you to stop acting like such a dick towards me, but it was between this revelation that i loved anime, and the fact that at the time, I had befriended your Best Friend/Your Brother by a different Mother (as you preferred to call it) aka Cisco-Kid, that our friendship actually stood a chance of being possible.

That’s when we really started to bond,over naruto, over inuyasha, anime, etc. Hell, we used to butt heads from time to time, cause you’d argue that Naruto was better than YYH, and we’d debate (back then,  i was a cringey snobby, 90′s anime elitist, praising YYH above all else, thank god I’ve become more humble, liberal and open-minded on most things in life as a young adult, or else I wouldn’t be able to stand myself)....but we really started to get close during our sophomore year when I told you (you were the only person I ever told in those days) of how my Aunt C emotionally abused me, and you told me how you also suffered from abusement when you were young....that brought us closer together, you were prob the only person I ever allowed myself to get that emotionally close to. We also bonded over the fact that your former Best-Friend, let’s call her Karate-Girl, cause she used to love taking karate/self-defense lessons, ended up drifting apart from you and ended up being best friends with my former Best-friend (let’s call her Greenbean), cuz we too drifted apart from each other......in a way, we found solace in our mutual sense of loneliness together, and our friendship grew from there. Hell, we even talked a lot about our dream, especially when we used walk together after school, I remember cause you used to tell me how much you wanted to be a doctor or nurse. 

But yeah, we had good times as well with, me, you and cisco-kid, we’d always hang out go to starbucks and just talk about anything and everything both in real life and on the phone or through AIM, or just going to your house to play video games: like sing-star, hanging out at the mall, introducing me to sushi and making it a routine eating at Yo Sushi’s, We’d fangirl/fanboy over anime, studio ghibli films, anime, etc. Hell, during my 18th birthday, I ended up purchasing a replica of Kenshin’s Reverse Blade Sword (but it wasn't sharp, both sides were dull), and I remember how we’d fangirl/fanboy over it (but you especially had a gleam in your eyes when ever you held it and swung it around with one arm) and how’d you’d scoff at me for choosing to hang it on my wall.....cause you said it was pointless if you didn't use it.....and I was all like well it’s a replica, it just for decoration, it’s not meant to be used in real battle because it’s not in fact an actual real katana, plus kenshin’s way of life was to not show off and use his sword to hurt others, but rather as a last resort to protect the ones he loves....But yeah, after that we’d ended up often going to go eat Sushi at either Davis or San Francisco, which was always fun during the summer school breaks. Yup, them were good times indeed. ^-^

Then things got complicated, after i had broken up with Vegas-boy, you asked me why, I told you to keep this to yourself, and said: that I just didn't feel a connection with him, even after 6 months of us dating.....and the very next days, you told me upfront that the Bro before hoes aka the bro code was too important and that you told Vegas-boy what i told you to keep to yourself (that was when I truly felt a sense of betrayal from you....because yeah okay sure, i get that you value that stupid bro-code above all else, but what about our fucking code of friendship? Did our friendship mean soo little to you that you’d go and disregard my wishes to keep that to yourself (no matter how benign it as). I knew from that moment on, that I could no longer trust you to keep a secret, that’s for sure. :/

Later, on as time went by our playful banter back and forth turned into a slight sense of flirting, hell you almost even teasingly kissed me lightly on the corner of my mouth, almost, but then a few days later you told me how much of a bad idea it was for friends to date each other, because it would endanger or risk destroying said friendship (I thought that was ludicrous, because I would still be open-minded enough to remain friends with someone even if said relationship didn’t work out or if our feelings for each other weren’t mutual.....plus I think the concept of falling in love with a close friend, is such a beautiful thing)......But nonetheless i immediately backed off with the flirting, and so did you and we remained friends....hell I never even got the chance to tell you that i had feelings for you, mostly cause I was too afraid to get rejected, especially when you told me that it was a bad idea and too risky dating your friends, and all that nonsense (and I’m not gonna lie but it hurt seeing you date someone else for a bit....I got over it tho, and quickly cuz during my junior year I started crushing really like really hard on this girl, let’s call her Lady-Piña , but that’s a story for another time, i’m afraid). lol ^^;

As time went by, I remember how often you used to ask to borrow my cell-phone (a flip-phone in that day and age), cause you didn’t have one and you needed to text someone, and you used to say how important this was).....And I reluctantly agreed to let you borrow it (you said it was important, and my immediate thoughts were that you were using it to text your family members or something).....It never occurred to me that you were using for other means.....And see, this is what really started to piss me off about you (hell thinking back it still fucking pisses me off). You would borrow my cell-phone, and text (using my name mind you, and never telling others that it was you who was actually texting them) and you would emotionally manipulate anyone (most of our mutual friends, especially, in regards towards Karate-girl) that you texted or just talked shit to, in my name, using my name as your shield (and most of these text conversations were about defending your name in things, I remember cause during one of my classes, a couple of my good friends kept giving me the stink eye (and I was confused at fuck), hell one of them out right asked me upfront, What the hell was wrong with me and how could i emotionally mess one of our mutual friends like that....we cleared the air once she realized that I had let you borrow my cell-phone (I remember cause she said it was unheard of and just plain odd that I’d act like that, even if it was through text....I responded/and agreed with her with a “yeah, i know me too”.....Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WOLF? >:(

^Who the fuck would do something soo damn shitty, petty and manipulative like that, and constantly, mind you?!?! >_<

I mean sure, we were teens, we were stupid and immature and all that junk, but dammit, it wasn’t the fact that you used my name to talk shit to people (i mean like a part of it is) but it was more over the fact that you fucking emotionally messed with some of my friends, especially Karate-Girl, and hurt them without a second thought (and it wasn’t for those two that supposedly called me out for all this, that was your fucking doing, I would have never have noticed how much you hurt them, and immediately made sure to reassure them otherwise, and try to damage-control whatever the hell you put them through). It took a great deal of patience on my part, to not go off on you, and just let it go.....I kept making the same excuses for your actions, that you were still just a teenage boy and you just hadn’t learned to mature yet, but that you’d get there.....but oh how wrong, i was.

....Fuck, I mean if anything, you’re the reasons my trust issues have sky-rocketed to be honest. :/

And don’t even get me started on your possessive/jealous nature (you’d refer to this as a high sense of loyalty, but here’s the thing, it wasn’t, it was more possessiveness, with you being in control rather than loyalty); Every Time me and Cisco-kid would do projects, or hangout, with other people, you’d throw a damn fit, it was impossible to get you to see that we were not trying to replace you, no matter how many times I tried to reassure, time and time again that that wasn’t the case (i mean i get it, i know what it’s like to feel insecure about where i stand in friendships, scared that i’m just either in the way, or fear that people don’t really actually care about me) but you weren’t just jealous oh no, you were the type of person who’d painstakingly guilt-trip us time and time again whenever we’d hang out we people that weren’t you....*sigh* I mean hell, i even made plans several time alongs with cisco-kid to get you to meet and hangout with our other fellow classmates/friends.....but you’d always declined, and the few times you did join us, you’d always brood and give them the stink eye the entire day (and they told me how uncomfortable you’d make them feel cause of that). 

I remember when I was walking home from school with panda-boy one day, and told me he needed to tell me something important, that just didn't sit well/ or right with him.....he told that he heard you call me a bitch (and not the bitch please, funny meme kind, panda-bot told me that it was in a malicious-tone of voice)....Panda-boy told me it didn’t sit right with him because he was appalled and he didn’t know what possessed you say that about me behind my back, and that it was completely uncalled for (I said that it you were probably having a bad day and that you prob didn't mean it, so  i didn’t really pay too much mind to it)......I mean sure, I did feel sad and disappointed to be sure, because i felt like maybe i wasn’t doing a good enough job in being good friend, i asked Panda-boy if he thought I was a good friend or not, and he said i was being ridiculous, and that of course I was......but I didn't feel like it, after hearing you say something like that....it made me feel very small, alone, unworthy as friend-material, and just plain conflicted. So much so, that I ended up asking Cisco-Kid the same thing, and he ended up calling you Wolf, so we could smooth things over and talk. I asked you Wolf, I asked you directly if you thought I was a good enough friend, and you didn’t really meet my eyes and laughed nervously and said I was; that made me feel quite relieved and it reassured me, even if your response did feel half-assed at best. 

^And tbh, this wasn’t the only time you’d made me doubt myself, hell I recall the times when you would always tease me, about my mexican accent/spanish being less than perfect too, or how I ashamed you made me feel about me not knowing how to cook some of our culture’s most important mexican dishes (such as pozole, frijoles, arroz, caldo, etc).....I mean I’m learning how to do all of this now, and it’s been a long time since I felt torn or caught between both cultures, now that I’ve long since embraced my mexican culture/roots as best I can, and have found a calming sense of peace and belonging in accepting both parts of myself....but i can’t deny that your voice/taunts still haunt me from time to time (making me feel like I’m not good or worthy enough in regards to my mexican heritage).

Which reminds me, you always took great pride in having machismo (a sense of masculine pride)....it always bothered me, cause even though you said it jokingly, or so it seemed, I always got a feeling from you: that you felt like women needed to stay put in their proper places so to speak.....that and in combo with your anger issues, and the the way you used to tell me that whenever you’d get angry you’d punch a hole through your wall (or that one time this one girl in our class pissed you off, and you told me if you were allowed to punch a girl, she’d be the only exception)......all of that made me feel hella uneasy/and uncomfortable...and this had been going on and accumulating for years since we met.....All of these were red-flags that i should have seen coming a mile a way, tbh (even Karate-Girl, your former Best-Friend, you had a crush on whom said that she felt hella uncomfortable with you texting her constantly non-stop about your crush on her, warned me that she was afraid I’d turn into a doormat, if i wasn’t careful....so why do i get the feeling  that she was referring to you when she told me that.....and now that I think about it, was that why she always took those selfdefense/karate classes? Cause of you, Wolf). Plus my own mother said she was really glad that I’d chosen to cut all ties off with you.....maybe they were right.....

Cause the last time we saw each other (we were around 18-19), a year or so after we graduated high-school (when I finally told you how uncomfortable you made me feel, especially with your quick temper/anger issues, and all this stuff accumulating over time, but that i always thought you’d just grow outta of this toxic mindset by now, but i guess you didn’t cause), you obviously didn’t take it very well, cause we were playing ping-pong ball and you were obviously brooding, in a very bad mood, but most especially towards me, and you kept hitting the ball with soo much force and ferocity in attempts to hit me, that I could see the malicious smirk whenever it almost did hit me,  i could see the terrifying look of pure hatred you had for me in your eyes whenever our eyes met; Cisco-kid even had to forcibly pull you aside and ask you what the hell was going on with you, and you reacted to this by flinging the ping-pong paddle to the side so damn hard in anger and just stomping away.

But from that day on, i could tell that day how i could no longer feel safe or comfortable in your presence, let alone in being your friend, so i did what  i thought was best for me, and cut you and all your toxicity out of my life completely....A few months later my mentor had passed away, i was failing/struggling with my classes, all of our friends were drifting apart, and just felt soo damn alone, apathetic, and I just couldn’t take all of this anymore, and had a nervous/mental breakdown and fell into a deep depression, and hell you know the rest. 

^And Tbh, you’re one of the reasons why I chose this username, the: Nevermore part at least.....cuz I promised myself that I would never ever again find myself in another abusive/or in an almost abusive relationship: Platonic, Family, Romantic or otherwise, which is ironic, because you were the only person back then I ever told about me suffering from emotional abuse from my Aunt C (I did not want history to repeat itself anew, cause I won't stand for it anymore.....not with my aunt and certainly not with you Wolf). >:[

^And tbh, looking back (with how you violently shaking my desk just to mess with me) I can’t help but feel like that was the first of many signs, that our friendship was doomed from the start. :/

I mean I’ll always try to look back fondly on the good times and stuff, at the very least, cause we did in fact have some really good times, but I can’t help but feel like it’ll always be in a bad-taste in my mouth sorta way......just utterly disappointed and tainted....

I don’t regret our friendship, we had some good moments to be sure (but I can't deny that there are moments where I almost feel like I do regret it, looking back).....but if there’s one thing I’m absolutely certain of, is that I will never forget that look of pure hatred in your eyes when you kept hitting that ping-pong ball with suich force in my direction.....and in turn, will never feel safe, comfortable, or trust being alone with you, let alone want to reconnect with or couldn’t try to be your friend ever again.

I’ve made my peace with this anyway, and it’s best we continue to go our separate ways......but if need be, we can each always look back fondly at the good times at least (I know I will at least continue to try to do, despite it all).

Welp, thanks at least for trying to be civil there towards the end, I guess.

Farewell Forevermore,

-Lady Nevermore

[chatting-leaves]

Someone From The Internet (5/?): Double Dip

With years and years of hindsight, I've found that I have some very interesting stories of people who I have met online, some of which have sprung into solid friendships lasting decades while others have been very short lived yet have been memorable for other reasons. Once in a while, you have two that end up crossing in the most awkward way possible with results that, for myself, were quite cringeworthy at best and aggravating at worst. Bonus points when this becomes an issue in your regular, physical, day-to-day life. To begin, let's go back to the fountain of hope known as 2008.

As that year dawned, I made a lofty goal for myself: I wanted out of Albany as soon as possible, preferably in two months, and I ideally wanted to be out of New York State as I was still very bitter over losing a job with the state, a coveted thing to have, the prior summer. In the interim period, I lived on a combination of unemployment, a credit card handled by my Dad, and a well-timed check from my former job for a retroactive raise negotiated after my departure. After this, I had a random idea:

"Maybe I should see if all the taxes I didn't do in college could pay off." After doing them for every year going back as far as I could, I discovered that I had a refund of a little under $3000 coming my way via all of the tax credits I could have taken. This put a move within reach and my landing spot came down to two places, Boston and Washington, DC, the advantage going to DC because of a greater number of people I knew there and a desire to get to another part of the country. As any thirsty twenty-five year old would do, I began testing the waters of online dating in the DC area, a place where several people I knew said that the man-to-women ratio was greatly in my favor. One of the first people I began talking to was a woman a year younger than me in the Virginia suburbs we'll call Jolene.

In some regards, Jolene and I clashed. She came from a well-off family on the Gold Coast of southwest Connecticut, the land of financial types avoiding the high taxes of New York, a different experience from my down-to-earth rural roots albeit eroded from years in smaller cities. While I was a devout non-denominational Christian at that time, she was Jewish; no big deal since I am prone to have a phileosemitic streak and have been always interested by Jewish culture. My run of the mill state university education contrasted to her multiple degrees from a renowned tech school which led her to become a master in web design, the fruits of pushing girls into STEM fields before that became a buzzword. On the other hand, our sports leanings, political leanings, and our ties to Connecticut were things that we immediately bonded over and found chemistry with. All seemed to be going well, then the first shoe dropped.

The brother of a good friend, a lobbyist for a tech industry association, was buying a condo in Silver Spring, MD - the town I ideally wanted to live in after being sold on it a year earlier. He needed help to help him move his belongings from the house he already owned right down the road in an isolated residential neighborhood of DC, problem is there was a mere range of when he would close on the condo. I turned this into an exploratory trip, making appointments for several job interviews along the way. Upon hearing this news, Jolene said that she really wanted to meet while I was there.

"Where would you like to meet," I asked. "I'd preferably want to do something in the District." "There's a Starbucks in Clarendon that works for me," Jolene responded, citing a popular neighborhood in Arlington right along the Orange Line of the Metro "It's right between work and home so I can just stop on the way home from work." "I ideally wouldn't, but I'll try," I responded, genuinely wanting an additional friendship because I had designs of having a place to live when I left that week. We made plans for that Wednesday afternoon with the caveat that I may have to punt it if the closing already happened and my help was needed to help my friend's brother move. As I was about to leave, the news that the condo was closed on broke and I was going to have to help. Could I punt this? No. I reached out to Jolene, could she reschedule for the next day? No, she had plans. Friday morning near her job? Also a no-go. I apologized for having to cancel on such short notice, hoping we could make plans when, not if, I moved.

The next time I was able to check anything, she blocked me on both the dating site we had met on and on Facebook where we had already been friends. I was flabbergasted at such an overreaction to a legitimate issue, shot her a text saying so, and went along my way or at least tried to do so. Such a drastic overreaction over such a minor problem clearly was a sign that she was not meant to be long for my life and I, even in my desperate state, knew better. This unfortunately is not where Jolene's story ends.

Fast forward a little over a year and my first year in DC was a roller coaster: Job issues, living situation issues, social circles turning on me in a heartbeat, and tons of other drama. When my third living situation in just over a year, one in a large apartment complex where myself and a debt-ridden technical writer paid cheap rent to enable a senile man pushing 80, I looked for something new and found that the solution was right over my head in the apartment literally above mine. My new roommates were two guys a couple of years my junior, Ben (a fellow upstate New York native who worked in the arts field) and Nate (a local who was an accounting student). At first, Nate and I got along a little too well, he had family ties to my former home of Poughkeepsie, was producer of a college radio show I liked, and had an inkling that as our mothers had the same rare maiden name that we may be related, a thing confirmed years later. We all got along at first, however as the summer chugged by Nate and I started to wear on each other, I for my tendencies to be cluttered, he for the fact that I seemed to take more interest in his cat than he did.

By the start of September, things began to silently boil over between Nate and I. One night, he confronts me and says that he and Ben had made the decision to kick me out of the apartment effective the end of that month due to my cleanliness issues in our shared kitchen. I then ran this allegation by Ben who then raced back from work to find that Nate was putting words and stance's in Ben's mouth; the final consensus was that we all had to get better as while I was the worst of the three, we all were to blame somehow.

A week later, fresh off of a trip back home and some other activities with friends, I arrived home from having dinner with a friend to see Nate on the couch, a rare sight in itself as Nate was a  secretive person that rarely left his bedroom. A minute later, a curvy figure emerged from our hall bathroom who looked a bit familiar but I couldn't immediately place the face.

"This is my new girlfriend, Jolene," Nate said as we awkwardly shook hands, both of us knowing that we had previously pursued each other. We exchanged pleasantries then I ran to my bedroom to try to process this shocking news. It isn't everyday that you find out your roommate is dating a girl you once pursued who cut off contact because your plans changed last minute. The next day, with Nate off for the weekend to Jolene's apartment in Virginia, I revealed to Ben what had gone on between Jolene and I and how she had left me jaded. Ben then revealed a bombshell of sorts.

"He's head over heels for her because it'll force him to convert." Raised in a Unitarian household, Nate had an almost obsessive love of Judaism and yearned to be Jewish himself, a somewhat problematic situation given the matrilineal nature of that religion and the painstaking process of perseverance and studying needed to convert. In fact, when Jolene were on better terms she had told me that she would've been fine marrying a Gentile willing to convert. "Deep down, I think she might be a bit too cheerful and liberal for Nate," Ben continued alluding Nate's love of Libertarian politics and guns, a potential backlash of the far-left and vehemently anti-gun nature of the suburb where he had grown up. Personally, I wanted the whole thing to blow up because seeing Jolene made me loathe myself, that somehow I did something I didn't realize to warrant being unpersoned and that she now was dating my own roommate whose own social skills were lacking. Such an idea drove me crazy as I was trying to work through some personal issues on that front and to see that front and center only flamed out my insecurities.

Jolene was the last straw in the already strained relationship between Nate and myself and soon enough I began avoiding him (and her) as much as possible. Soon enough, he began spending most of his time at her place and spent maybe a token night or two a week in Maryland at best, his cat pretty much becoming my responsibility. Eventually, he announced his departure and while he came back to help us try to find a roommate, he had long mentally checked out of our apartment and I was ready to move on just to not have to deal with the awkwardness.

As if his girlfriend didn't do enough, Nate ended our friendship and joint tenancy by mass blocking me on everything, unpersoning me without a reason that could be easily discerned on the surface. I darn well knew why, that my past with Jolene made things weird for all of us as a whole, however I did end up moving on.

Eventually, Nate proposed to Jolene, successfully converted to Judaism, and ended up marrying her a little over two years later, coincidentally a day after I married my now-wife. Such impeccable timing given what I went through with the both of them.

[daddyconfessions]

sugar tales: baby ripped me off

I’ve gotten a lot of anon questions so I haven’t been able to blog on my past experiences as much as I would like. But, now that I’m catching up I can get back to sharing how things are for us Daddy’s out here.

I met Ripoff on SA around late April. She was the first seemingly decent SB after a long dry spell for me. I’d met Nebraska on the rebound from Bottlecap. Nebraska and I started in December ’14 and we lasted about several weeks. But I fucked up with her and she ended up getting another SD before I could fix things. Even though I started the year off so so, the spring of 2015 would prove to be a rough time for daddy.  

So I message Ripoff on SA and play the waiting game. After a few days she messages back. A few pleasantries are dispensed with the back and forth before we move on to texting.

After several texts Ripoff brings up money – not an allowance. Baby hits me with the stress method. Tells me her rent is due and she’s about to be put out.  

I don’t mind the stress method. Just use it in context. If it’s the middle of the month and you haven’t paid your rent then that’s just ratchet. The rent stress method makes more sense if ran at the end of the month or beginning. Just FYI if you’re using this. Don’t insult daddy’s intelligence. Also, my personal rule for any stress technique is to keep it transactional. No honey…no money. I know I’ll get hate mail for that one. But those are my own personal rules.

I get her to send more pics and she does, a few of which she shouldn’t have. I can tell from the bad ones the apartment is nowhere near the amount she’s asking.  I play along with her story, and before long I’ve shaved off a few $$$$ from her request. Suddenly she shifts from needing rent to needing to get her water bill paid.  Judging by her apartment pics no way she’s paying that much on water either. And I see baby stuff in the background. Not looking good. But, I cut her some slack not because she deserved it but more because the year had been rough.  

I agree to the amount for the water bill and we’re supposed to meet.  She says she’ll meet me at the hotel and she wants the money up front. Nope. No smash and dash here baby. We argue over that and then stop talking. She text me randomly over the next few days or so, testing the waters and trying to guilt me into giving her the cash. Not interested.

We stop talking for a few weeks and then she messages me on SA. Says she’s lost my number and would like to start talking again. She’s sweet this time. I like it.

We start back texting and within a couple of days I’m heading over to pick her up. She lives in a neighborhood undergoing gentrification. Million dollars homes tower above $50k houses. Of course I pick her up from the $50k duplex houses. We go for coffee because neither one of us is really hungry. It’s the beginning of the summer so its hot. Baby comes out in blue jean shorts and some type of sports bra. Nice. Ripoff’s a good looking latin chick. Dark brown skin, curly black hair….got that Salma Hayek thing going.

We chit chat. Baby is having a hard time. She moved out of her apartment in with a stripper friend. It was her stripper friend –after Ripoff had showed her our text messages and my pic – that told her she should really try and hook up with me. Stripper friend also told her she’d take me if Ripoff wasn’t interested. Wouldn’t be the first time I was passed around….I’ll blog on that in the future.

Baby opens up and tells me about herself. She hasn’t made the best decisions in life. She’s got two kids –although I couldn’t tell by looking at her. Stomach was flat and tight. Her mother has custody and mother also has the car she bought. Ripoff hasn’t been very responsible – half taking care of the kids and missing car note payments. She needs me to do these things for her. Get her life back together. She convinces me that she’s ready to change and get back on track. After she sees the wide-eyed look on my face she says, “Yea I know it’s a lot baby. I hope I don’t scare you off….”

I’ve seen worse. Cap’n Sav-A-Hoe to the rescue. I’ll gladly put on my cape and save her. Up Up and Away!!! Wouldn’t be the first time. I tell her I’m cool with everything and she’s ecstatic. She’s got a place through some city program and she needs help getting a U-haul to move her stuff in. She just wants someone stable. A father figure.  I’m good with it all. We talk more about her interest. Turns out she’s fairly decent chick.  Ripoff has some decent career plans and big things on her wish list. She shows me a few pics where she’s appeared in some rap videos, one of them being a fairly new up and coming guy.

Damn. I’m about to lay a video hoe? Gotta love the sugar bowl.

And she’s been on the album covers of some local talent. Not too shabby. She tells me she’s been living the life, turning up, and she’s lost everything because she’s ignored her responsibility.  

It’s plausible. But, I’m still a little confused about how she lost her kids, and being so irresponsible with car notes given the company she keeps. Somebody should have been shelling out some cash on baby. But hey it is what is.

We end up kissing and making out. Baby likes me suddenly. Tells me my eyes pretty – ok you can stop now. The other patrons take note of our PDA. Even though no cash was discussed for today in particular, baby wants to get her nails and feet done so she can feel good about herself again. Life’s been so tough. She wants new shoes and to go shopping but I tell her designer items are not good for the homeless. I tell her she needs to get her priorities straight. She frowns and I can tell I hit a nerve but she nods and agrees. She knows I’m right. I pull out some cash and give her some. She can’t do anything sexually because she’s on her period. But that’s cool. The game has taught me not to expect the kitty on the first date.

I cut the date short and head back to her place. When she finds out I occasionally get pedicures and manicures she wants to go together. Cool with me. I know some upscale places that serve wine during the service. She really likes that.

We kiss and say goodbye. We’re going to hook up in a couple of days and start our arrangement. Maybe after the mani/pedi.  However, within two days the ratchetness is back. She’s doing all the things again that stopped me from talking to her the first time.  And the promise of our mani/pedi date is gone. She went ahead and got it already because she was near the place. Damn that was going to be our icebreaker.

Its like our conversation at Starbucks went completely out the window. Now, she needs emergency money again, needs help buying a bed for her new place, blah blah and pretty soon she’s got a whole list of new needs. Fuck it. I drop a few stacks to solve all of her immediate problems. Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be too bad. But my gut, my instincts say I need to close the deal and smash before I do any major cash outlay. But I give her the benefit of the doubt and I feel the need to step up my game since she’s dealing with rappers and entertainers.

Despite this, the bullshit keeps up for a few more days….now she needs me to rent a car so she can get around. She needs a deposit for the lights.  I start ignoring her but some part of me likes Ripoff. If I’m going to salvage anything with her I need to play it safe. Fuck it, I’m already financially invested in her. Might as well see it through. So I tell her let’s start our arrangement and then we can work on getting the rest of things she needs.

Her parents having her kids and car, and the fact that she lives with her friend says she’s irresponsible and can’t keep up with commitments and obligations.  I need to smash and get it over with at this point. Make sure she’s even sincere about this whole thing. Action always speaks louder than words. I know…probably more hate notes and mail. She gives me the dance around with getting started. Suddenly she’s busy doing this and that and dodging the arrangement.

Baby goes MIA for a week. One day, I text her. This will be my last attempt. She answers right away. I tell her I want to start over. Forget the money I’ve already given her. I tell her I want to come through and spend time with her. Of course I’ll have some cash when I come. Baby says ok. We set up the time and before long I’m on my way.

Ripoff answers the door looking good. Her hair is slightly damp from a recent shower and I can tell she’s not wearing underwear in those blue jean shorts. We catch up and both confess we haven’t handled this well. Then baby goes over to a nearby basket of clothes and grabs a piece of lingerie.  She asks for the money  and then tells me she’s going to go change. She goes to a room and closes the door.

Then I hear her lock the door. WTF?

After a moment she says you can come in baby…..I jump up, full of weeks of anticipation and walk towards the door. As I put my hand on the door knob, the door to the apt/duplex opens. A guy walks in on the phone.

“What the fuck?” he says looking at me crazy. Then he starts yelling  “Who are you? “ and “Who are you here to see” and then “I know you’re not here for Ripoff. That’s my girl man. We about to have some problems.” Blah blah

Surprisingly I’m relaxed. I try the door handle but its still locked. I tell her to come out but she doesn’t answer. Meanwhile this lil short midget thug is talking shit on the phone.  “Man I just went to the store and came back and this mofo at my house….” Now I know I’ve been setup. Then he hangs up like he’s going to do something. We he sees I’m not scared he’s like, “We gonna have to go outside and talk about this.” One backhand and a couple of jabs and I’d have this guy taken care of. A kick on the cheap ass door would allow me entry into the room where Ripoff is.

No sooner then I think it then I realize the real danger I was in. The legal danger. In a flash I realize if I kick ass and get my money back  I could have all kinds of legal problems. It’ll be there two words against mine. And it is it really worth my Director title at work, my job potentially, not to mention the embarrassment.

I decide to bounce. I got enough cash to play another day.  

I get outside and he’s still talking shit. I tell him they got a pretty good scam going but karma is a bitch.  “My guess is you target professional men with a lot to loose. Nice. But be careful, you could run across the wrong guy.” He starts cursing me out. By then I’m out of the drive way and heading to my car. I see some of his boys waiting on the other side of the house. Now I get the sense of the real danger I was in.

The cash they stole was nominal. Glad I followed my instincts and didn’t buy ALL the shit she asked for.

In the end I chalk it up to the game. I consider dumping my SA account. Too grimey. Now it’s almost June. I’m hoping this summer gets better because 2015 hasn’t been good to daddy. I start to miss the old days when a daddy could post an ad on CL and call it a day.

A few weeks later I get a message from newbie named Kansas. I’ll post on her next time.

PS., excuse any grammatical errors, etc. I wrote this story on my lunch break

[thedailychangejar-blog]

December 2017 Blog Income Report: $65.48

This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links, I’ll receive a commission or other benefit at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting The Daily Change Jar.

I feel like it has been FOREVER since I have really worked on the blog! I will admit I have totally been off my game since the end of November. 5 kids, blogging, 1,001 extracurricular activities! And although I tried not to, the blog was always the last thing I worked on. But I’m not here to whine, I’m here to go over how the month of December went for The Daily Change Jar. So this is my 3rd official income report. Someone actually commented on my November report asking where the December one was! I was a little shocked at first but glad that she called me out on it!  I know it can be difficult to keep your head above water when you are just starting out as a new blogger. But we are all in this together right! Although it was a big step for me, I am so glad I made the decision to start blogging and include sharing my income reports. I freaking LOVE what I do, and even inspired a close friend of mine to start her own blog :-) I’m so happy to see that people are sharing my other income reports (484 shares for October and 323 shares for November report!) My goal from the very beginning was transparency in my blogging journey. If you have read my previous income report from November, you already know that hubby and I had baby #5 in November. Yup, you heard me right, 5 kids! So most of December was spent half asleep, attempting to be productive (and by be productive I mean shower and eat something other than the kids' leftovers lol!) So I am fully admitting that December kinda sucked. It’s almost the end of January and I am JUST getting to start posting again. So thank you loyal blog reader for calling me out! You know who you are 💋 Although, I swear I wasn’t totally unproductive for the past how many weeks. I was putting the finishing touches on my free blog email course-which turned out to be a 14-day email course! (More on this in a minute) But let’s first start with goals (seeing it is the new year when I am actually writing this!)

Review of December Goals

Establish a content calendar and stick to it: Well, honestly that went right out the window lol! Considering I hardly looked at the blog in December, I am VERY behind on my goals. 😞 But that’s ok. I am getting back at it and kicking butt! Just because I had one month where I want to do nothing but sleep, doesn’t mean I will continue with that pattern! It’s time to take 2018 by the horns and kick it into high gear baby! Write an epic “how to start a blog” post: Done and done! I was so freaking excited to publish this bad boy! I also put together a 14-day email course to go along with it! And let me tell you, that took a long time to write! I packed this email course with so much info, I should probably charge for it. But that was not the goal here. The goal was to provide anyone who signs up for the course with so much value that they can go out and start a blog on their own without any further help OR be kicking down my door asking for an even more in-depth paid version! So, if you are interested in starting your own blog, or already have and need a few tips, then sign up below and get started! Make 2018 the year to do things differently and pursue your passion! window.NREUM||(NREUM={});NREUM.info={"beacon":"bam.nr-data.net","errorBeacon":"bam.nr-data.net","licenseKey":"54b4344c19","applicationID":"34906561","transactionName":"J1pXREcNCg8AQBkTSwFHSh9GBxUQDF1YFRcKUE4=","queueTime":3,"applicationTime":55,"agent":""} window.NREUM||(NREUM={}),__nr_require=function(e,t,n){function r(n){if(!t){var o=t={exports:{}};e.call(o.exports,function(t){var o=e;return r(o||t)},o,o.exports)}return t.exports}if("function"==typeof __nr_require)return __nr_require;for(var o=0;o (function(w,d,s,l,i){w=w||;w.push({'gtm.start': new Date().getTime(),event:'gtm.js'});var f=d.getElementsByTagName(s), j=d.createElement(s),dl=l!='dataLayer'?'&l='+l:'';j.async=true;j.src= 'https://www.googletagmanager.com/gtm.js?id='+i+dl;f.parentNode.insertBefore(j,f); })(window,document,'script','dataLayer','GTM-MC73PL2'); ga('require', 'GTM-WGK99JD'); window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || dataLayer.push({ 'loggedIn' : 'false', 'plan' : '' }); !function(){var analytics=window.analytics=window.analytics||;if(!analytics.initialize)if(analytics.invoked)window.console&&console.error&&console.error("Segment snippet included twice.");else{analytics.invoked=!0;analytics.methods=;analytics.factory=function(t){return function(){var e=Array.prototype.slice.call(arguments);e.unshift(t);analytics.push(e);return analytics}};for(var t=0;t × Warning! You need to sign in or sign up before continuing. $(document).ready( function() { $('.alert').delay(400).slideDown(300).delay(2000).slideUp(300); });

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Enter your login credentials Email Address Password   Remember me Log in Forgot your password? Don't have an account? Sign up !function(){ var script = document.createElement("script"); script.async = true; script.src = "https://risk.clearbit.com/v1/risk.js"; var parent = document.getElementsByTagName("script"); parent.parentNode.insertBefore(script, parent); }(); var onRecaptchaSubmit = function(token) { $("form#new_user").submit(); }; !function(e,o,n){window.HSCW=o,window.HS=n,n.beacon=n.beacon||{};var t=n.beacon;t.userConfig={},t.readyQueue=,t.config=function(e){this.userConfig=e},t.ready=function(e){this.readyQueue.push(e)},o.config={docs:{enabled:!0,baseUrl:"//convertkit.helpscoutdocs.com/"},contact:{enabled:!0,formId:"b5b14854-3e1b-11e6-aae8-0a7d6919297d"}};var r=e.getElementsByTagName("script"),c=e.createElement("script");c.type="text/javascript",c.async=!0,c.src="https://djtflbt20bdde.cloudfront.net/",r.parentNode.insertBefore(c,r)}(document,window.HSCW||{},window.HS||{}); HS.beacon.config({ color: "#0f84d1", icon: "message", modal: true, topArticles: true, topics: }); Add a resource section to the blog: So I started this, but it still needs a lot of work. Get my guest posts published: Kinda fell off the train with this one. I have to do some checking in with the ladies I was talking to, to see if guest posting is still a possibility. One thing I know I need to do with getting better at making those online connections is to nurture those connections. Alright, so let’s get to the money, honey!

Income:

Ads-$39.35 Adsense-$18.81 Media.net-$33.43 As of mid-January, I had finally hit the $100 payout threshold for Media.net ads! Whoo Hoo! They however also have a Net30 payout, which means that I won’t actually get paid for them until end of February. But hopefully, by then the income will be a little more consistent and I won't have to wait so long for payouts. Affiliates- $70.07 ShopStyle Collective-$7.00 HostGator-$50 Amazon Associate-$5.92 SmartAsset-$7.02 Gross Income = $109.42 So there was an increase in Amazon Associate earnings, most likely due to the gift guides post 😀. I will definitely be doing some more experimenting with that throughout the year and be better prepared for the 2018 gift giving season! Also, due to my friend starting her blog, I get my first affiliate commission from HostGator! Ya ya! Don’t be afraid to hand out affiliate links to people if it is for something they are gonna buy anyways!

Pageviews

My pageviews took a very significant dive in December due to my inactivity on Pinterest 😭 I cried a little inside when I was working on my KPI’s for the month. But I just keep telling myself, it’s ok. They will go back up! As you can see, there is a 52.05% drop! Eek! And due to my inactivity I know January isn’t going to be pretty either 😭 But that just goes to show you the power of being active on Pinterest!

Expenses

Hostgator-$11.95 Google Drive-$1.99 Canva for Work-$12.95 ConvertKit-$29 Tailwind-$14.99 FollowLiker-$5.99 BoardBooster-$5 Check out this income report for why I use these specific programs. I didn’t spend any extra this month on continuing education considering I haven’t done anything with the ones I bought from the previous month. I also didn’t get any new books as I’m still working on the one I started in November. So technically my income for December was $65.48, which is up almost five whole dollars from last month! Which is pretty cool considering I didn't do much. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, some progress is better than nothing! I also made a $12.50 in side income from a quick VA project. So my total income from December ended up being $77.98, not as good as November, but I expected that. I also know that January is going to kind of suck also 😟.

Blogging Goals

So instead of focusing on January blogging goals, (considering I am actually writing this on the last day of January) I want to give you a little snippet of my 2018 blog goals. Make a freaking content calendar and actually stick to it! Ok, I know I said this before, but I have actually started working on it. I have a HUGE list of articles that I want to write, well over a year’s worth of content! It’s really just a matter of sitting down with my calendar and figuring out what content to put where. It is so much easier to be productive in short periods of time when I know what I am going to write about. I would love to just plan out the whole year at once. Then work on getting 3 months ahead with writing. This is one of those projects that I have to get out of the house for and spend the day at Starbucks just pounding out content. Which I love doing by the way. Workcation anyone?  I also want to focus more on the types of posts that I am writing. What has worked so far? What hasn’t? What can I make better? Stick to a schedule Along with creating a content calendar, I am going to do my best to create a work schedule and stick to it. Which can be really difficult with 5 kids and a husband that works full time. I am NOT a morning person, but if it means getting up before everyone else and working, then that is what I will have to do. Although it might take a few more cups of coffee. I would love to say that I am going to work while the kids are in school, however with a toddler and a 2-month-old at home all day, that just isn’t feasible to sit and work for 8-hours straight. Naptime-yes, well sometimes. The little guy doesn’t always want to stick to a schedule. But I am thankful that my husband is super supportive of this and will give me the time I need to work whenever he can. Like spending a few hours at the coffee shop while he stays home with the little ones on Friday. Get more affiliate sales There are two big things I want to do to really work on affiliate sales. The first is to completely restructure my personal Pinterest account and focus just on pinning great content and making affiliate sales from there. The other is to drive affiliate sales through the blog (duh!) This goes along with creating the content calendar. As I said, I want to focus on different kinds of content. For example a rotation of posts would include a money saving post, a how to make money post, a money management post, a review post of some sort that focuses on an affiliate, and of course an income report. I am hoping once I start getting more traffic and I have the resources page all good to go this will also help increase affiliate sales. Create my own course This is something I have wanted to do from the very beginning. I actually didn’t even want to create my free email course until I had an actual paid course finished so I could promote it in the email course. But I decided, I should at least start collecting more email addresses so that when I DO launch my course I will have an audience to sell to. Get sponsored work I have heard so much about sponsored posts and how you can make great money from them. I feel like they work really well with the lifestyle type blogs that have a heavier focus on physical products, however, I think there is also room for sponsored posts within the personal finance space. I haven’t done a ton of research into this yet, but I plan to and would like to at least have one sponsored post before the end of 2018. So if you have any tips and tricks on how to get sponsored posts that you would like to share, please feel free! Now there are about 1,001 business related things that I want to do in 2018, I know it’s not possible to get them all done. My main focus will be on The Daily Change Jar and when I feel I am in a good rhythm with this blog, I will start another adventure. I would love to start like 4 other blogs this year, but this one is enough work for me at this point. So here is to 2018 and making it the year that one of my business ideas actually works!

Top 10 posts from December

How to STOP Living Paycheck to Paycheck Without Losing Your Sanity! 50 Amazing Amazon Gifts for $15 of Less for the Whole Family! Pay Off Your Debt Fast With the Debt Snowball Method! 25 Useful Ways to Save Money Everyday Part 3 25 Useful Ways to Save Money Everyday Part 2 25 Useful Ways to Save Money Everyday Part 1 November Blog Income Report: $60.71 October Blog Income Report: -$141.88 Don't Overspend On Your Kid's Christmas Gifts This Year, Try This Instead! How to Start a Successful Blog: The Complete Newbie Guide

How was your December? Hopefully more productive than mine 😉

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[we-walk-the-miles]

51 questions, we want to know all of them!

I bet you do :P

1. Zodiac signTaurus

2. Sexual orientationStraight

3. Relationship statusTaken

4. Someone you missMy boyfriend Evan. We saw each other like every few days over break, but now thatwe’re both back in school it’s not as easy and it’s hard to get used to again:/

5. Person who’s arms you’d like to be inMy boyfriend’s

6. What you find attractive in Men/Women?Well they pretty much have to be smart. I honestly don’t have much patience fordumb people. They also have to have a good sense of humor and not be too easilyoffended, because my sense of humor is kind of vulgar and dark lol. Physically,I’m into big, tall, masculine guys with long dark hair.

7. How tall are you?5′8″

8. What you love about yourself?I like that I’m intelligent and can learn things quickly, and that I’m goodwith animals. Physically, I like my eyes and my boobs haha.

9. What you’re doing tomorrow?Going to class, and that’s probably it.

10. What are your future plans?My future is a big source of anxiety for me honestly. I’m at the point where Ihave to start making decisions about what I do after I graduate, and I’m notthrilled about that. In the short term, at least, I’d like to do the MFAprogram at my school for creative writing. I think I’ll enjoy it, andthe “thesis” is a book manuscript, so I’d get that out of it, which iscool. I don’t know what I want to do for a career though. I’m considering dental school.

11. Your last night out in detailMy boyfriend and I went to see Hannibal Buress live for our anniversary (wewere supposed to go in like November, but it got postponed conveniently to ouranniversary weekend). I had to drive from school to his house (two and a halfhours) in a very crunched time period because it was a Friday and I had classesthat morning. So pretty much as soon as I got there we left. It was a reallygood show, Hannibal and the opening act were both good. The guy they had DJingbeforehand (if you could even call it that) was terrible though. He played,like, a copyright-infringing amount of three or four ‘80s movies (including TheFly) mixed with memes and mediocremusic, all SUPER loud. But otherwise we had a good time. Afterward we went backto his house, got Papa John’s, smoked with his roommate, and watched the firsttwo episodes of Westworld (which is AMAZING).

12. Your favourite bookProbably A Game of Thrones.I really don’t read as many books as I should though.

13. All of pets you’ve ever hadWell, my family has had loads of fish, a couple green anoles, box turtles, greenturtles, bearded dragons, a green tree frog, and a spotted turtle. My dad has agreen iguana. In my lifetime, my family’s had three Brittany spaniels, abeagle, and a mutt (we think he’s a pug-lab mix) Our current dogs are Molly (aBrittany) and Hank (the mutt). We also have three cats, because the mothershowed up as a stray and she was pregnant. So we have her, a tuxedo namedFlower, and two of her babies, a black male named Frodo (my sonion) and aticked-tabby female named Soot. Personally, I’ve had two guinea pigs, a rescued black male named Smokey and abuff-and-white female named Cedar. I leased a horse for a while in high school,a red dun Paso Fino mare named Gardenia. I raised two baby box turtles namedRosie and Layla, cared for one my family’s elderly bearded dragons for a while,and currently own two mice, a yellow and a black, who I have not named becauseI’m an indecisive piece of shit haha.

14. Something that changed your lifeIdk. I think going through pretty severe depression and recovering from thatwas pretty significant. Also meeting my wonderful boyfriend. We met online, andhe’s the only boy I’ve ever dated and I just got so crazy lucky.

15. Do you remember your last dream?I guess not. I can’t remember any dreams more recent than a few weeks ago.

16. What your last text message says?“Cleaning my coffee maker and mouse cage (common denominator is vinegar :p),” to Evan.

17. Do you respect your government and the way your country isrun?I mean, I respect the government in the sense that I recognize that we verymuch need it and that it’s more intricate than I could fathom. I also respectpeople who are willing to put their whole lives into politics (even though somany are pieces of shit, it’s an impressive dedication). But I’m certainly having my doubts with this newadministration, for obvious reasons… I think religion (Christianity, anyway)is given way too much influence in this country, and that accounts for a lotof the problems I have with it.

18. Where you would like to live?Geographically, I think I would like living in Montana or somewhere up there.It’s cool and dry and beautiful. Dwelling-wise, I’d like to live somewhere withsome land. Enough to have a horse or two ideally, and some woods. I don’t havea lot of specifics as far as a “dream house.” I love woodwork, stonework,and rustic architecture though. Like European cottage-style stuff.

19. Your  favourite flavour of ice creamI’m a big fan of Turkey Hill’s Double Dunker (it’s like mocha ice cream withchocolate cookie crumbles and cookie dough). I also really like butter pecan.

20. Last thing you ateA steak burrito from Chipotle.

21. Which swear word do you use the most?Lol idk. Probably “fuck.” Lately I’ve been watching a lot of Australian YouTubers and saying“cunt” more than I probably should, haha.

22. Your plans for summerI’d like to be able to intern or something at the Knoxville Zoo. We’re familyfriends with the director of animal collections there, formerly head of theherp department, and I would love to work with him if I can. I’ll probably also look more into dental stuff (shadowing and what not).

23. Any upcoming concerts?Not that I’m going to, or particularly want to as far as I know.

24. Something that you’re proud ofProbably my intelligence, again. And my writing ability and talent withanimals.

25. Do you still talk to your first crush?My first crush was when I was in kindergarten, and that was in another state,so no lol.

26. What language do you want to learn?I took one semester of German, and I’d really like to keep learning that.Though I’ve heard German starts getting really hard really quick after thatpoint, haha. I’d also like to learn Irish, but that’s not terribly useful andit’s hard af.

27. Where you have lived before?I lived in eastern Tennessee as a kid, and I’ve lived in two houses in the same generalarea in NC.

28. Eye colorGray, kind of greenish.

29. Favourite style of clothingIdk exactly. I wear a lot of jeans, flannels, black shirts, and black boots.Black is a common theme, haha.

30. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?About an hour and a half, if I take a shower and put on makeup and everything.

31. Where did you go today?This morning I went to a meeting with the dental program adviser. Then I went out to go to Ulta to return some stuff, and to Bath & Body Works to spend some coupons. I also went to Chipotle and stopped at the grocery store.

32. Where are you right now?In my bedroom at my desk.

33. How many countries have you visited?Just this one and Costa Rica.

34. Something oldThe poinsettia sitting on my desk that’s very nearly dead.

35. Something newI bought some lavender essential oil over the weekend, so I’ve been basically bathing in that.

36. Something inheritedMy lack of patience and ability to hold my liquor, haha.

37. Is death more scary than life?Depends on the life and depends on the death. A horrible death is scarier thana comfortable life, but a miserable, tortured life is scarier than dying in myopinion. I’m more scared of people I care about dying than myself, or if I died how that would affect my loved ones.

38. Experience you’ll never forgetWhen I was in the seventh grade I did a backflip off a swing at recess, and overshot it, so instinctively I stuck my arms out, and I landed square on them with all my weight. I basically went into shockinstantly, and the art teacher had to walk me to the nurse’s office. Turns out, I totally smashed both my wrists. Like, nothing came through the skin, but they were shattered. So they had to put me under to reset them, and when I woke up I had massive splints on both my arms because they were too swollen to put casts on. Then, once the swelling went down, my bones were too loose in there to take them off without risk of having to reset them again. So they put the goddamn casts over top of the splints. So I had giant sloth arms for like two months and could barely use my hands (like, couldn’t even hold a pencil). This was basically me:

39. What’s your favorite part about today so far?I don’t have any homework to do, so that’s good. And I got a few treats like Starbucks and Chipotle and B&BW.

40. Who is your hero?Not really sure I have one. There are a lot of people I look up to, but I honestly don’t think it’s all that necessary (or healthy) to have one person you idolize. They’re just a human too, after all.

41. Are you happy with whereyou live?Relatively. The apartments I’m living in now are hella convenient for me to get to class, so that’s nice. But the rooms are very tiny and bare-bones (white walls, high ceilings, no ceiling lights, cheap, shitty laminate and cabinets, etc.). Plus the roommates I have now are filthy pigs, so the kitchen is always a mess. But overall I’m fairly content. I’m moving to a nicer place next year, and hopefully that’ll be more pleasant. Geographically, it’s alright. North Carolina is kind of a clusterfuck, but we have some cool stuff. It’s significantly too hot here for me, but I just don’t go out of the house during the summer if I can help it, haha.

42. Do you like yourhandwriting?Meh. It’s readable and pretty neat. It’s not anything special really.

43. What do you wear to bed?Nothing yo. It’s healthier to sleep naked. Plus I roll a lot, so pajamas always twist around on me and piss me off.

44. Tea or coffee?Coffee always.

45. Chocolate or Vanilla?Depends. For cakes and ice cream and frosting and stuff, vanilla. But I do love actual chocolate (candies and such).

46. Are you excited foranything?I’m excited for Evan to come stay with me this weekend

47. How late did you stay up lastnight and why?Three AM I think? No reason. I just lost track of time, which happens a lot.

48. What’s your ringtone?My phone is on vibrate like 98% of the time. If I turn on the sound I usually just set it to some generic ringing sound. If I make a song my ringtone or alarm I very quickly come to hate that song :P

49. Did you have a dream lastnight?Not that I remember.

50. What keeps you going eachday?I honestly don’t really have a “mantra” thing like that. I kind of just live in the moment I guess? Long-term, I guess my loved ones and my desire to someday have a comfortable life the way I want it to the best of my ability. My anxiety is also partly to thank, because I have a crippling fear of missing a deadline or something and fucking everything up, so there’s that I guess :P

51. Picture of yourselfI don’t think I’ve posted this one on here yet:

[ariannaci]

My Whole30 Experience & Tips!

Welcome guys!

I wrote this out for a friend of mine and thought that if I put that much work into writing this out, I might as well share it out!

So glad you’re doing this! It really wasn’t that hard and totally doable mostly with some support :)

I did the entire program in October and started my second one this month, so I’m gonna write out some tips that I picked up along the way.

The Program: NUMBER 1 RULE: read the ingredient list EVERY TIME! The less ingredients the better, but most of the time, you WILL find sugar, dextrose, cane, syrup, glucose, lactose, maltose, and so on. If you see that, put it down! You can’t have it. This article has a good breakdown of how labels hide sugar, and this one of 61 different names for sugars.

RULE 2: No alcohol at all which includes a lot of sauces that add “wine” so watch out for those. RULE 3: No grains. Wheat, rye, barley, oats, corn, rice, millet, bulgur, sorghum, amaranth, buckwheat, sprouted grains, quinoa, and so one. These are often added in labels too; be careful. RULE 4: No legumes. No beans, peas, chickpeas, lentils, and peanuts (watch out for peanut oil being added). This also covers soy! No soy sauce or anything with soy. RULE 5: No dairy. Sorry… no cheese! RULE 6: No MSG, sulfites, carrageenan. You probably won’t encounter these at this point… I haven’t run into these once. RULE 7: Don’t recreate foods that you can’t have like cookies or ice cream or fries and such. Take this with a grain of salt and do what makes you happy. RULE 8: Don’t step on the scale. They don’t want you to focus on your numbers while you’re doing this. You’re getting healthy!

SHOPPING: The more prepared the better! Here is the official whole30 shopping list. The blue items are the best to get. The red are those to avoid. Here is a more extensive one with pantry items too. I’ll highlight items that are necessary for most dishes/sauces in the text below.

I always have these ingredients in my house just in case so that I’m always ready. Also if you have Trader Joes, I would buy everything off this list… It’s a life saver! Here is one for Costco too if you have one.

Pantry: Light olive oil (used for mayo), extra virgin olive oil, ghee (clarified butter. You can make your own with butter and a cheese cloth but I haven’t tried it yet), coconut oil, coconut milk canned, SPICES (you might have most of these but these are all the ones i have and use frequently: basil, bay leaves, black pepper, cayenne, chili powder, cilantro, cinnamon, cumin, curry powder, dill, garlic powder, ginger, mustard powder, nutmeg, onion powder, oregano, paprika, parsley, red pepper flakes, rosemary, salt, thyme), almond flour, coconut flour, apple cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, chicken & veggie broth (good luck! I always only end up only finding ONE brand of either that doesn’t add any type of sugar and I grab a bunch), coconut aminos (this is used instead of soy sauce & I couldn’t find it at my Trader Joes so I got it on Amazon), mustard, red wine vinegar, rice vinegar, canned tomatoes (again, good luck finding a brand that doesn’t add sugar and grab a bunch!). I know it’s a ton, but there’s nothing worse than finding a good recipe and realizing that you don’t have the ingredients at home to make it. This will help and make it more enjoyable!

Fridge: Always keep a can of coconut milk in the fridge. The top portion of it becomes what they call “coconut cream” and is used for every recipe and dressings. Always keep eggs. You will eat a LOT of eggs. Make your homemade mayo right away, you will use it for everything.

Protein: I stocked up at Trader Joes again but I always have eggs, chicken, ground turkey, chicken sausages, shrimp, scallops, and deli meat (make sure to find brand that does not add sugar) in my fridge/freezer. (I don’t eat pork or red meat, but steak, beef, and bacon are probably good too).

DRINKS: I always have sparkling water around and flavored one too like any of the La Croix (no sugar added) and coffee and teas. You can add coconut milk, almond milk, cinnamon, to your coffee or just have it black! BONUS: Starbucks carries coconut milk and just started carrying almond milk and can make it into a cappuccino.. just had one, DELISH!

NUTS: I might have gone a little crazy on my first go at this, but my sugar cravings were through the roof and nuts were the only thing that kept me sane. I particularly always had cashews, almonds, and macadamia nuts around, mostly with my work schedule and not being able to eat dinner every time and getting home so late, I had a few of those. Just be careful because I think that I ate a little too much of them and found myself having a hard time going to the bathroom.

SNACKS: Almond butter! Been dipping apples in it… so good! I try to not go crazy with it though because it’s a treat and pretty fatty. Bars: they say to use them very cautiously. If you have time to cook, do that first! If you’re like me and are always on the go or work 12 hour shifts, these bars have helped me not go off the program or die of hunger. I particularly like the RX Chocolate sea salt (you can’t have the peanut butter or maple one) and have not enjoyed the Larabars, but my friend is the opposite. Pick up a couple of flavors at Trader Joes and see which ones you like. Check the sites I sent you to make sure that they are compliant.

FRUITS: All of the fruits are allowed! I have Trader Joe’s frozen fruits in my freezer at all times as well as apples, oranges, strawberries and bananas on my counter. Stay away from dried fruits, we can’t have it.

VEGGIES: Obviously, it’s whatever you like. All veggies are welcomed except for the obvious corn, peas, and lima beans. Have fun with it and get a spiralizer, or markets sell squash and zucchini strings, and spaghetti squash is also delicious. Cauliflower is also a must have. You’ll see a ton of recipes that uses it to make pizzas, and tacos, and pasta, and rice! Get the cauliflower rice from Trader Joes: it’s amazing. You can also have regular white potatoes. Use sparingly and try to use sweet potatoes instead or other veggies if you can, mostly if you’re not doing a lot of cardio, but they ARE allowed so if you want them, make them!

DRESSINGS: You can make your own balsamic vinaigrette with just olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper, and mustard. There are also a lot of easy to make ones online and here. My favorites that I’ve made so far are ranch, hollandaise, caesar, and creamy dill. If I am out to eat, I just ask for olive oil & vinegar, sometimes lemon, and add salt & pepper and it’s perfect. My friend bought the whole30 pack from Amazon of Tessemae’s, which is sponsored and allowed. She’s only tried the ketchup so far, but said that it was good. I’ll update you after I hear back from her if you want.

And that’s it! All of the recipes from the main book are online, as well as a TON of others. The great thing about this program is that it’s been around for years, so people have had time to post all of their favorites and what works and what doesn’t. Pinterest and google are amazing. Here are a couple of my favorites: Chili, salmon and dill sauce, cauliflower fried rice, spaghetti squash & meat sauce, pesto sauce with everything.

Also if you’re unsure of something, whether or not you can eat it, or why your body is reacting a certain way, google it! Like I said, people have been doing this for a while, so there’s a forum for every single question that you could possibly have. Check the date because some things are outdated, but it’s a good base to go off on.

If you’re doing this as a way of life, AWESOME! If you’re doing the strict 30 day routine: no cheating (any cheating and you start back at day 1… not worth it), and give yourself 10 days for the reintroduction period. What’s the point of doing this for 30 days if then you don’t give yourself a few extra days to see what your body is sensitive to? Exactly.

Hopefully this will help you on your journey! Feel free to post recipes and send questions!

<3 Arianna