#-if they did then they'd realise that we are literally just people. we are humans. we are capable of both good and bad like anyone else.
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saw some really triggering and horrible shit in the absolutely rancid shithole that is radfem tumblr so here is a reminder that TERFs are not, never have been and never will be welcome on this blog. i will not tolerate any hate or bigotry for trans people (or any people, really) on this blog, and if i gotta see people spewing any sort of that shit on here, it's blocked on-sight. take your blind hatred somewhere else, preferably where no one else can see or hear it.
#fuck terfs#fuck transphobes#terfs fuck off#trans rights are human rights#trans people are welcome here#i mean i'm a trans guy myself of course this is a trans inclusive space :D#in the words of captain kirk: ''leave bigotry in your quarters. there's no room for it on the bridge.''#no terfs on my turf#terfs will really pick out the worst of the worst and base their entire reality and argument on the minority of people#idk what their whole obsession with trans people is. like i saw a post that was like ''here are a bunch of trans predators!!'' and it's so-#-fucking ridiculous to me because it is completely illogical to sift through articles about a VERY small select few people-#-to base your entire identity and argument around. like. it is so clear terfs have never met a single trans person in their lives because-#-if they did then they'd realise that we are literally just people. we are humans. we are capable of both good and bad like anyone else.#it's also ridiculous because it relies on shocking people and poisoning the well and making a whole community responsible for one-#-dickhead's actions to create some shitty ''gotcha'' moment to get people with.#terf arguments are based on lies and disproportionate stats and cherry picking and you should not listen to them.#also i think the kam shit is triggering and disgusting as all hell. wishing death on an entire type of person-#-just because you hate them is disgusting and horrific no matter who it is.#also imagine basing your entire identity on hating people. and being PROUD of it. what a sad existence.#you define yourself not by what makes you a person but by your capacity to hate? that is pathetic. get help.#instead of trying to better yourself and let yourself grow from any trauma you may have. you turn into a hateful bastard and-#-loudly gush about it publically while hurting everyone around you in the process. genuinely. what is wrong with you.#anyway yeah we stand for trans rights on this blog and all trans people are welcome here :)
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Yanno what id love to ask this purely for self indulgent reasons. What do you think of arkham eddie with an SO who's also autistic since we all are pretty damn sure he is? Like does the connection between them happen faster due to similar communication styles, how does he feel about parallel play, etc
YOU ARE JUST PREACHING TO ME THIS IS URGH and it made me feel so soft and warm. i'm going to try and NOT make this about my self-insert oc, but this is literally her and eddie, they are autistic 4 autistic/bisexual 4 bisexual love
but yeah, this is my daydreams literally written out 💚
i figure eddie would never have been diagnosed. he's old enough to not have been identified as anything other than "gifted" at school and i think his parents seem like the type who would avoid diagnosis out of ~shame~ so he'd be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all (until batman comes along with his non-degree and decides eddie is an obsessive compulsive narcissist. which yeah, fair. but also hello pot, this is the kettle speaking????)
anyway i think he would avoid all long-term relationships out of trust and a need to prove himself as above human needs and completely elf-sufficient, but it'd be easiest for him to get on with someone who is also autistic, even if they had very different communication styles. and i bet that would confuse him at first like "why does this idiot not bother me as much as all the other idiots"
a lot of the "bonding" would be done in silence, and would probably come from a place of blunt honesty, where eddie realised he could trust his new friend because they're either not afraid enough to lie to him or are too honest to know better. and he'd relish the ability to turn to someone and say "you are making my space crowded with your existance and i need you to leave" without them getting all moody, because they'd understand immediately
there might be a point where he picks up on things that make his new buddy a lil bit different, but i think he'd recognise them as brilliance before he thought of them as something "wrong" with them. mostly, because he'd see himself reflected back. hyperfixations and obsessions with certain acts/scenarios/things, an either intense focus or a complete lack of it, prone to sensory overload (which eddie doesn't know the name of before he meets his friend, he just assumes he has anger issues and is bad for going into tantrums), and there's bound to be a point where they both come to the realisation that neither of them understands other people's emotions or morals (cue a shared conversation about how people think batman is acceptable but not eddie)
going back to the bonding in silence thing, he's 100% given the key to life when he realises parralell play works for him. like you're telling him that you can be in the same room with someone and do your own thing completely, but they're there if you think of a stupid pun or you want to walk over to them to say "look what i made" have them go "wow!" and then turn around and go back to work???? where has this BEEN all his life (although now that he thinks about it, he did enjoy quietly reading amongst the other inmates at arkham)
anyway, i think at a certain point he'd find the bravery to tell his new friend that he thinks they're soulmates. maybe he'd follow that up with a confusion about romantic intent or interest, maybe he'd request a formal recognition of their friendship. and no doubt his lil buddy would be confused until eddie says "we're soulmates because we are literally the same person. we do all the same things. we think the same way." and his friend is like "that's sweet, eddie. and yeah, we might be soulmates. but i think a lot of that is because we're both autistic"
and eddie is like
"we're both what? so you're? and i'm? OH!!!!!!!"
and then everything falls into place, like he's just solved a complex riddle he didn't even know he was working through and he's stuck standing there for a while like:
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If you could rewrite 5 chenford scenes, what would they be and why? 😊❤️
Oh gosh, okay anon, let me think. (also thank you for the ask!!)
I may come back to this later if I think of something better. tl;dr in no particular order (because this is an essay):
Do you want to come in?
5.08/5.09
The hotel room and basic biology
The break up in season six
The final elevator scene
Do you want to come in: I didn't love this moment because it implied they'd cheat on their partners and both of them have been cheated on before so it felt a little off, BUT it happens, so you know, it wasn't a deal breaker or anything. I just felt there should have been more build up if that was the way they wanted to go. If I were rewriting it, I'd have had a more charged moment at the door, a bit more swaying and leaning into each other's space, obviously not wanting to leave each other after spending that time one on one together, but there wouldn't have been that line and they'd still be toeing the "we're just casual colleagues and friends line (otherwise known as up denial creek without a paddle). Tim would have left, a bit more pining with a look back over his shoulder, Lucy could have had a moment of closing the door and leaning back against it, a wistful sigh and then covering it quickly when she saw Chris. Then she screams and Tim comes running. You know? Still getting the moment but not being so overt with it.
5.08/5.09 - So we know Lucy needed to break up with Chris. He was on chapter twenty of the story of their life and she was only on page 10. And I love Tim talking things through with her, really appreciated that. And I loved him shooting his shot. I just feel like Lucy should have had time to process it before jumping to "give me your playbook!" Like maybe an extra episode in between where she and Tim decide, actually maybe it's not worth it, they could be ruining everything and then have the bomb episode resonate more in making them realise life is short. I dunno. I feel like with The Rookie you really do have to read between the lines a lot but also they do like to smack you in the face with things that could be teased more. Lucy asking for the playbook was fine, it felt a bit off brand for her to do that but then she's never been good at reading herself or her own relationships and she's never had to break up someone before (in the show, it's always someone else breaking up with her), so I can see her messing that up, panicking and taking the Tim route -- that was fine. It was the immediately running to the office to prompt him to ask. Don't get me wrong, that was super cute, but also... that's their work place and that's the centre hub of everything and for the first two seasons IA lived in that building - and Smitty actually does live there.
I think I would have rewrote that to take place later, to maybe have Lucy go to Tim and tell him that she'd broken up with Chris but not raise the question of them going on a date. More just seeking a safe space and realising that, okay she broke up with Chris, but she's not really upset about it, or even talking to Tamara about it. I dunno, there's just something about how fast that happened that threw me a little bit and I'm not a coherent human being who can express herself well. I still find that whole scene very cute in terms of how it's acted and it's my favourite people getting together so I will never complain, but, personally, I would have spaced it out a bit more.
Basic Biology: I wanted a "there's only one bed" trope moment. We got the fake dating, we got them on a double date where they dated each other, we got practice kissing but not an "only one bed"?? (and they've literally had TWO chances to do this!) So for the hotel scene where Tim realises Lucy's back is the best thing since sliced bread (and who can blame him?) I would have extended that whole scene, not had the enemy attack so quickly because, again, what did that episode accomplish plot wise? The bad guys suddenly trusted this random girl on the floor who just got publically humiliated because Jake lost weight too fast??? Okay then. So the bad guys would not have shown up while Lucy was in the shower, Dim and Juicy would have had to stay the night, Tim would realise they're being watched (saw one of the guys lurking in the hall) and say that they need to share the bed. Lucy would joke and say they should put on a show which involves Lucy bouncing on the bed and Tim mortified but amused and aroused, nudging the bed into the wall while Lucy smothers her laugh. Then they climb into bed on separate sides, a gap between them as they try to sleep beside each other AND THEN they end up tangled in each other the next morning with Angela phoning and saying something's happening. ANOTHER charged moment and then they scramble out of bed, flustered and go be action heroes. I have thoughts about this, they're percolating, and I have a prompt, so leave this one with me we'll see what the brain produces. The season 6 parts hurt, so these will be brief. Break up: So I didn't want a break up but we have a break up and honestly, I really liked this scene, it was well done, it well acted, it was in the parking lot as per all their major moments. The only thing I'd change in this is potentially have Lucy go after Tim, or at least fight a little more because she deserves that. She deserves to be worth it, but Tim would still shut that down because she is worth it and he's protecting her from him self because he can and he will. Just a few more lines of dialogue that probably wouldn't actually achieve anything more than let Lucy have a say.
The Final Elevator Scene: I do like this scene, I liked seeing Tim give her a genuine thanks for saving him, and acknowledging the good work she did. But I would have liked to have a moment in this where she pushes back on him thanking her for her kindness, like that's totally Tim, but Lucy didn't do those things because she's kind (she is obviously, that's a core value in her) but she also still loves him. So I think it would have been nice to circle back to that earlier episode and have her walk out after him into the carpark and ask him if he loves her, not to put them back together (that will happen later), but for her to see if there's still hope, can she wait for him? And have him answer with "of course I love you". Which would have connected to that earlier scene in the season that the show hyped so much and give it a little more relevance, and it would have left us, the audience, with a little bit more hope. An I love you wouldn't fix things, it would just be a hopeful moment. Honourable mention to the truck jump because I do wish Tim and Lucy had had a bit more of a moment in that episode, just to talk more but this is the Monica show and Chenford just live in it, so we make do. Oh well. (but this is why we write fanfic and why we're eating so well with fanfic right now, because there's so many moments that can be extended or rewritten - I did do a speculation of the truck jump and I actually like it more so I'll honourably mention it as a scene I'd rewrite.)
So those are my thoughts - let me know what you think? I could be wildly off base, I really probably should have rewatched some scenes again to see what vibes I came out with but, that's what I have off the top of my head. Also thank you Anon! Thanks for including me in the fandom <3 it was a lot of fun to answer this!
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Crows Of The Commonwealth
I was on CrowTok and it made me come up with an idea.
So, obviously a lot of the crows in the Commonwealth are made by the Institute, though I personally like to believe that there are still a lot of crows that are regular ones, too.
Crows are an incredibly smart species of bird, which makes sense as to why they're the ones the Institute use. To my memory, I don't think there are any other birds in the game. Again, I'd like to headcanon that they're not the only ones left but if only a few species of birds managed to survive the bombs and the aftermath, I wouldn't put it past crows to be one of those species due to that intelligence.
Crows are known for recognising people, which also works in favour of the Institute as to why they'd choose them specifically. If you are able to tell the difference between individual crows, you'll be less likely to question if a specific one if following you if you are aware they likely recognise you.
However, they're also known to bring gifts and trinkets if treated right, or actually attack people who don't. And they remember faces. I don't get the impression that the Institute treats them too kindly if they don't even consider Gen 3 Synths as people, who are literally created with technology and human biology/DNA.
If we imagine that the Institute Crows work like Synths do, then that means that they are also able to become independent like Synths can. We know they have the level of intelligence, more so than another species of bird, to perhaps reach that level of independence. That's exactly why the Institute picked them. Wouldn't it be ironic if that became part of the Institute's downfall.
So imagine a Sole Survivor, fresh out of the Vault, scared and cold on their first few nights. Hungry, tired, likely sick, grieving. Alone. They have Dogmeat. They have themselves. A few strangers they saved. Nothing else.
They're trying their best one night to settle. They've only been unfrozen for a few days by now, but have yet to leave Sanctuary. They chose to stay for a couple days to prepare for their long journey ahead, and rebuild their home so they had somewhere to go back to. Preston has taught them basics self defence and survival, Sturges has helped them temporarily fix the holes in their walls. They're not close to these strangers yet, but there's a small comfort in knowing there's still people, and people nearby to run to if anything not friendly comes knocking on their door.
They're picking at a 200 year old box of stale cereal, not able to stomach the taste just yet. In the end, they end up leaving it in a bowl for Dogmeat to have, preferring to sleep, hunger be damned. They sleep on the floor that used to hold the dinning table, not ready to sleep in the now-too-empty bedrooms.
By morning, their sleep is interrupted. Not by the cold October air that their thin, makeshift blanket- That doubles as their coat during the day- barley keeps away. Not by the sunlight that seeps in by the broken shards of class where the window used to be. Not by drops of rain that fall through the cracks in the ceiling. Not even by Dogmeat licking then awake, like he did yesterday morning. This time it's the sound of pecking and squawking that has Sole prying their eyes open.
A small group of grows picking at the bowl of cereal. They must've gotten in through what once was the window, or literally any of the holes of missing metal panels scattered throughout the building. Sole barely has it in them to care. They know they shouldn't waste food that could've gone to them or their new furry friend, but they truly cannot bring it in them to mind. They wonder if the birds have a hard time finding food, too, and decide it might not be a waste at all.
They sit up. A few of the crows fly up onto the windowsill at their movements, one stays enjoying their breakfast, unfazed. Sole waits, sitting still until the birds realise they have no intention of harming them. They glide back down onto the floor, going back to eating.
After a few moments, the crow that stayed perks his head up, neck twitching into an angle that lets him look at Sole. He hops over, stopping just before he reaches their lap. Sole raises their hand, thumb and index finger moving slowly until they land on its neck. His feathers bristle under Sole's pets, his feet dancing happily beneath him. The other crows finish their breakfast. Salem, Sole decides to call him, joins his friends who hop back onto the windowsill. They fly off. He turns his head to the side, a beady eye looking at Sole again. He squawks at them before flying off to join the others.
Sole spends the rest of their day taking metal panels from some of the completely collapsed houses to fix the holes in their walls. They're able to find paint at the old Red Rocket down the road when looking for more equipped tools. Repainting isn't exactly their priority right now, just making sure the house will be fit to stand against the weather, and for when it gets colder in the next few months. The paint will be useful when they get to the stage of being able to consider making it look presentable, however. Unfortunately, the only paintbrush they find is snapped in half. They toss it in frustration. Less so because of the brush itself, and more so because Sole has a lot of anger built up from the events of the last few days that they have no other outlet for.
They end up going home when the sun starts to set, having avoided the empty tomb of memories for as long as possible. It wasn't safe to be out so close to dark.
When they set down their tolls by the door, something on the kitchen counter catches their eye.
Upon inspection, they realise it's an intact paintbrush.
Their confusion lasts barely five seconds, as they hear a familiar squawk. Hoping on the windowsill is Salem. His eyes study Sole. He's waiting. Sole smiles, pulling open the duffle bag they'd taken on their supply run. They pull out two wild mutfruits, which they'd harvested from bushes near the station. Sole cuts them into smaller pieces, before tossing them gently into the grass of their back garden from the car porch. Salem glides to the pieces, now satisfied in knowing that Sole approved of and appreciated his gift. Sole looks up to the trees that border their garden where other crows have started to also descend from to join in on the food offering. Apparently, there's a lot more in this group than what Sole had assumed from the smaller one earlier. About twenty feathered creatures dance about on branches decorated by orange and brown leaves or nibble at the mutfruit in the grass.
Salem flies over once he's had his fill, taking a seat on Sole's shoulder. His friends also begin hopping over gradually, and Sole ends up sitting down to welcome them and pet their small heads. Dogmeat also seems to love the attention, or perhaps just the warmth that radiates from Sole's body as he curls up next to them. Every so often, one of them drops a trinket into Sole's lap as they snuggle into them. A random screw, some gears, even some bottlecaps. Bits and bobs that a few days ago, Sole would've considered mostly junk, even if they'd still been appreciative, but everything now is useful. They even drop a few things by Dogmeat's snout, who sniffs them, tail wagging. Sole doesn't think Salem appreciates the happy licks Dogmeat gives him, though.
Regardless, Sole breathes out slowly, deeply, as they take in the sunset and birdsong before them. It's the first time they've honestly felt any peace since leaving that godforsaken Vault.
Sole makes a mental note to redesign the kitchen window when they get around to fixing it so that it'll be able to open widely. They also begin thinking about designs for birdhouses, feeders, and small fountains.
It's safe to say Sole feels slightly better than they did when they went to bed last night.
They feel less alone.
For some reason, as Salem nestles into their lap, against their stomach, a small pressure builds in their gut. They can't quite shake the instinct, the thought that comes with it. The feeling that Salem feels less alone now, too.
#Aka a story where Sole unintentionally befriends the Institute crows and teaches them actual love#To the point where they start to also rebel against their creators. Sole starts finding crows that have clawed out their own eyes#Or that have scratched chunks (Chips and cameras) out of their necks and turns Sanctuary into. Well. A Crow Sanctuary#Sole accidentally trains a crow army to be loyal to them#They start getting to the point where crows start being able to send messages like pigeons for the Minutemen and Railroad#Deacon hated the idea at first and when he found out Sole was basically housing Institute spies almost had a heart attack#Then he got on board when he realised the crows were also starting to runaway from the Institute#Salem likes to prank Deacon#They even steal Institute tech so their human friends can study it :)#Who needs to train Deathclaws when you have an army of birds that are already trained in spy work#And who you can use to find Synth agents because they recognise their faces and WILL attack them on sight#Who needs the Mysterious Stranger when every bird in the 'Wealth will swoop in to peck and claw at a raider's face when you're outnumbered#Sole being the King/Queen/Master of crows goes hard ngl#Their animal friend perk is maxed out. They DO also raise a baby Deathclaw just because they can#I might make a fic that includes this idea tbh because I love it#And I have been wanting to make a realistic fic about what it would be like for Sole. Especially in the early days.#Sole Survivor#Salem The Crow#Dogmeat#Deacon#Fallout#Fallout 4
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Someone's unfair behaviour shouldn't be accepted by you.
Hi guys welcome back, my name is Siya and today's blog is going to be about basically how you should not accept disrespect from someone or unfair behaviour, just because you guys know the list of reasons why they're acting this way. So let's begin.
I have always been a very “psychoanalysing” kind of person who always, try to understand why people behave, and act out in certain ways or their patterns (but with time and experience I started realising thats not my job),I just unconsciously figure these things out about someone, without even realising. Now honestly this could be very dangerous especially when you are extremely observing, and because I have been like this for quite a while, I also realised when people used to treat me badly, or betray me, I'd always try to have a conversation with them regarding the topic, to let them know it hurt me. However whenever I'd sit and talk with them, they'd always tell me the reason behind them acting this way, and I understand them and understand their pain so deeply, that at that moment i'd forget me, and how hurt I was and , end up accepting that kind of behaviour. And then one day i was like wait, everyone has problems and i understand that. But that's not an excuse to accept bad behaviour, that's not an excuse to accept disrespect. If someone really hurts you or betrays you and then they explain you that why are they like this, then yes you should understand them, but not fucking accept this kind of disrespect.
“Why do we always try to understand other people, when we are the ones who are never understood by ourselves?”
And if they apologize to you and make promises it won't happen again but still happens, then I'm sorry to say this they don't love you. They might love you enough to apologise, but not love you enough to respect you and your feelings.
Recently I recieved a present from someone who doesn't have a lot of access towards me anymore, and honestly I respect their hard work and efforts over the present, but still I made sure that they know they are not allowed to have access towards me the same way, I made sure to let them know that I understand them however the reason isn't an excuse for me to allow their disrespect.
So guys if someone hurts you and gifts you something then yes they do love you to gift you something, but they don't love you enough to respect your feelings and understand you too.
Recently life has been teaching me so many lessons and the universe is literally putting me into the exact same situation it once did, so that I could learn my lesson. In the past if someone hurt me and they'd gift me something I'd accept them back in my life, however this time I accepted their efforts by accepting the gift, but not the person. Because I respect them enough to respect their efforts but not respect them enough to allow them to stomp all over me and disrespect me!!
Just because someone gifts you something that isn't a good reason to get back to them, because if we think rationally then after receiving the present we get back to them and the disrespect continues, then the present means nothing.
How firm are you on your boundaries?
Guys when it comes to boundaries, how firm are you? I know sometimes being firm on your boundaries could be a little difficult, and we just want to continue talking to that person or going back to that person. Then you are choosing the comfort of being in a disrespectful relationship over the uncomfort of being alone or being with someone better. However we need to be extremely firm on our boundaries, because we know that if this is crossed or if I allow my boundaries being crossed, I won't be feeling good.
It's so important to be firm on your boundaries.
Sometimes we understand people so deeply that we forget our own needs. As a human being we are meant for connection, but we are not meant to be connected with people who don't love us enough to respect our needs, or who constantly hurt us.
We all have heard about this quote “your self respect should be stronger than your feelings ”
That's why just because you cut someone off from your life, and you miss them a lot that isn't a good enough reason to allow them back.
I known that cutting off people from your life could be so much harder than having connection with them, because now you have memories, you shared laughters and so much more than this.
But also at the same time we need to focus on the hurt and the amount of pain we have been through too. I'm not saying that play victim and constantly just keep on saying “you did this to me” or “you did that to me”. No!
I'm telling you guys to just be firm and leave if they don't understand you enough to respect you.
Stop forcing people to act right!
Boundaries are not controlling someone's action but controlling your reaction.
I have also mentioned this in my old blogs and I will continue because guys, the right person doesn't need to be forced to treat you in a right way, so recently I felt really betrayed by someone and I told them i understand your situation, i deeply do, I understand why you acted out this way, but it's just not acceptable to me if this continues. I made sure that they know that I won't be able to hang out with them, because I really feel betrayed with this kind of behaviour. However they chose not to understand it, and continued explaining their situation to me, which I understand but I didn't accept the behaviour.
So sometimes also we have to cut someone off we see every single day.
What do we do in that kind of situation? Because i get it I have been there and I know it's really hard to cut someone who you see everyday off. But also at the same time you have power over this situation, so lets begin:
“Your mind is extremely powerful” just because you cannot cut someone off physically, you can definitely cut them off mentally. Because what we allow inside our minds or what we allow to think about becomes our reality. So even though you see this person every single day, but mentally you don't allow yourself to let them get under your skin, or your head, or mentally you just say this to yourself that “just because i see them everyday, doesn't mean I have to allow them in my life, i have mentally cut them off”. Then this becomes your reality.I also think this is a such a good affirmation.
Do not defend them.
So guys when we really are connected to someone, and when they do wrong. We unknowingly start defending them, now what I mean by this situation is. For example someone did something which really hurt you, but you really love them, so you would start denying the fact that they did something wrong to you. Now why this happens is. Before they treated us in a bad way we were in a very comfortable relation with them or we can say we were in a comfortable mindset or environment with them, however when they do something so bad that hurt you deeply, or even though they did something wrong which still hurt you a little. In oder to still feel comfort we try to twist it in our own head , because we never thought about what will happen if they leave us. But guys if we get used to this type of comfort then we will shatter so easily.It would be so easy for people to crumble us.
Detachment~
Detachment literally saved my life, and I'll always focus on talking about this topic because its literally the key to everything. Because detachment teaches us that we do not need anyone to be obsessed with us, and when I say need there's a difference between want and a need. Wanting someone to be obsessed with you or setting certain standards for yourself is not wrong, but literally needing it, or making it the only thing in your life is unhealthy. I think a lot of people take detachment with being rude, cold, unaffected, heartless. No! being detached simply mean that you are loving, caring,not rude, not cold, not heartless. You do get affected because we all do but to a certain extent. Similarly we still have all these good qualities , but we are detached we don't make any person the only reason we survive. Once we are detached we can see through manipulations, we can see through negative behaviour, and we can see through the situation clearly. Instead of twisting it in our heads and end up getting played over and over again. Because also detachment teaches us to love us, be obsessed with us, detachment fulfills us and because of that we don't make one person the reason for our existence. Similarly instead of begging someone to act better like I mentioned, just stay detached. They don't want to respect your boundaries? Fine let them not, take a step back you do not need them, if they can't treat you like a normal being it's ok let them go. Detachment helps us to love ourselves, to set boundaries,to see through manipulations. So guys its so important to learn how to be detached.
Being detached is literally like removing the dusty glasses which you have worn which doesn't let you see through unacceptable behaviour. Ok guys so lets end it hear. I'll also make sure to write about how I got detached and how I learnt it . Just to make sure to make you guys understand it even better. I know I have written about detachment with a specific goal i wanted. But that was not in general so I'll make sure to talk more about this in next blogs.
And thankyou so much for reading my blogs, I love you guys so much, byee❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.
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That devastatingly poignant symbolism of faceblindness, in Buck, bothered and bewildered... Yeah. It's making me feel really emotional.
It's a story of a faceblind mother, attacking and killing her son because she fears him, because she does not recognize him.
That really sums up, so well, the experiences of the real queer people growing up in unaccepting, ignorant families, among hatred.
The true tragedies, of faceblind parents failing to see their own children, hurting them by doing that, killing them. One way or another.
By forcing them into suffocating moulds. By driving them away. By driving them to hurt themself. And even literally, by lashing out, with physical violence.
The story resonates because it's a real story. It's fiction but it's also a true story. It happens all the time. Every day. In so many homes, families.
It's what's it's like, growing up queer in an unaccepting, narrowminded family, them expecting you to fit their mould.
It's an existence of fear and pain. It's your family thinking, expecting you to be someone you are not.
They do not see you, recognize you, understand you. You fear to show them your true self.
You grow up, seeing them express their hate of other people like you. You learn to fear it, those hurtful words and actions. You hide.
It's realising you do not fill their expectations, it's realising you can't really change, it's realising that even if you do everything you can to change, at best you can only hide and pretend to be someone else. Many of us do that and never stop. We sacrifice our our own sense of self. Hopes, dreams, desires, love. We let slip by, and wear a mask. Play act happiness.
And die on the inside. That's what it's like, sacrificing your true self to fit someone's expectations. It's choking under that mask. And still you know you did not really change, and your family does not accept you. And that hatred and pain of it keeps killing you, breaking your heart.
So we know this tragedy of a faceblind mother and dying son. It's us. Our parents failing their children, killing us with their blindness.
Often it's words, comments. Maybe it's a hurtful, ignorant comment while you're watching tv, doing the dishes... They don't even notice they do that, really. They do not realise that it feels personal because they're attacking someone like you.
It's almost bizarre, how casual the hate can be. Odd how something so absentminded, relaxed, can feel so violent. It's shocks you, it takes away your ability to ever fully relax. You know that those words can hit you whenever.
And they're blind, have little if any idea of the pain they cause.
They don't know you.
They have no idea they just lashed out at you. Judged people like you. Were disgusted by you. Laughed at you. Were uncomfortable because they saw someone like you.
It's people failing to see the people around them, because they do not want, or expect to see anything but their own fantasies, their own expectations, people like them.
They don't even look because they think they already know you, and who you will grow up to be.
It's unthinking, and it's wilful blindness. It's being set in one's ways. It's unwillingness to look around, to learn more, to understand.
If they did, they might learn who you, and the people like you really are. And what you are is human. Not anything evil, bad, shameful, embarrassing, deserving of hate, or ridicule.
You're just human. Just as deserving of love, and finding happiness as everyone else.
Maybe they'd see that if they were open to learning, you think.
But how do you tell them that, make them understand, when you fear their hateful, uncomfortable reactions? Maybe you can't. And that knowledge, too, kills you.
That's what prejudice and ignorance does. That's the pain and tragedy is causes. It tears families apart, it kills people.
There are so many children growing up, knowing... This isn't a loving home. This is a hostile environment. This is a house full of hate.
The story of a faceblind mother is an eulogy. It's a moment to remember the people we've lost, who may not make it.
It reaches out, too. It says
You're not alone. I understand this pain. It's our pain. It's not you, alone in this.
And it's a cautionary tale.
It's a cautionary tale of people failing to see their loved ones, failing to accept them, failing to love them as they are. For who they truly are. It warns about the pain that causes.
It's asking... Do you really see the people you claim to love?
Do you hurt them?
By failing to see them,
By failing to listen and learn,
by failing to understand,
by lashing out with hate when you should give them your love and support.
Because real love isn't judgement, it isn't control, it isn't mockery.
Real love is seeing the people you love, doing your very best to understand, and support them.
Real love is seeing and keeping your eyes open. Being willing to see, and not fearing what you see. And showing them your love.
Ps. I love you, my fellow freaks. You're not alone. It's our story.
#bisexuality#bi buck#buck bothered and bewildered#lgbt discourse#religion#religious trauma#lgbtqiia+#911 on abc#prejudice#bi evan buckley#evan buck buckley#i see you#abc 911#parenthood#coming out
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I just realised that " we made it " by Louis Tomlinson fits RBRW so perfectly like-
'Cause we made it, underestimated and always underrated Now, we're saying goodbye, waving to the hard times Yeah, it's gonna be alright'
-Literally, alex and henry made it in the end. They were constantly stopped by the hurdles of their position and responsibilities to their respective countries. At the end of the book both of them had what they have dreamed of, for henry it was his freedom, his dignity and the life he thought he never would have and for Alex, he has henry, his position in his mother's campaign.
'��like the first time, Met you at your doorstep, remember how it tasted Looking into your eyes, baby, you were still high Never coming down with your hand in mine'
-I don't think I have to explain what our beloved gays have done after the state dinner. Primarily I would like to highlight the new year's kiss and how the rest of the scenario there has unraveled .
'Oh my, I remember those nights Meet you at your uni, cheap drinks, drink 'em all night Staying out 'til sunrise Share a single bed and tell each other what we dream about Things we'd never say to someone else out loud We were only kids, just tryna work it out Wonder what they'd think if they could see us now'
-I imagine this as the time Henry visited alex in texas during Campaign period and how they had such a good time, learning more about each other. We definitely cannot forget the e-mails and the texts that they shared , how intimate and private those are for each of them. They weren't really kids but they still were in this beginning stages and middle stages of their relationship. They still don't understand what they truly want but are reaching a point of mutual commitment (I know Henry was head over heels in love but just bare with me luvs).
'Oh God, what I could've become Don't know why they put this all on us when we're so young Done a pretty good job, dealing with it all when you're here Don't need to say no more Nothing in the world that I would change it for Singing something pop'y on the same four chords Used to worry 'bout it, but I don't no more'
-They way they were forced out of the closet and put under scrutiny for being themselves. They were put on every single piece of media as a piece of meat. Before they are the FSOTUS and The Prince of Wales they are human, they are young teenager utterly in love , they didn't commit a crime nor made a sin. All they did was love each other. Alex took upon the leak as an opportunity to tell people, fucking educate them about the importance of coming out of the closet on their own terms. No one should be neither forced out or pushed back in. As per Henry, he finally stood up to his family, he chose to be with Alex because he loves Alex and he will always love him. They both done a pretty good job dealing with all the press, their families and basically the entire world.
I really want to pinpoint the lines in the end toward Henry because he just accepted his fate that he would be married off to a beard and be a spare he was supposed to be. He didn't dare to change that perfect prince look before he realised he actually had a chance to be himself. But when he was with Alex he dared to hope for a life he felt he deserved. Finally he did get the life he dreamt of, he doesn't need to worry about anything no more.
#rwrb#alex claremont diaz#henry fox mountchristen windsor#Red#white and Royal Blue#red white and royal blue#louis tomlinson#we made it#gay#bisexual#lgbtq community#Queer
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WAAHH THE ANGST THESE TWO GIVE ARE ASTRONOMICALLY GORGEOUS
(honestly, I need to catch up because the kr fandom is brutal with their spoilers and I'm not okay)
...maybe I'm just a little judgemental towards casey because I believe she's already had her chance to choose between what's "good" and "doing what's right."— a great example would be her denial when judging moriarty as a character (before the whole memory spiel); as a detective, she failed to comprehend to search for the bigger picture and focused solely on getting answers out of moriarty (understandable, she's human after all and just couldn't believe someone close to her would do such a thing) and didn't bother to tell people off when they'd hailed her as their saviour for "killing" him, especially when she already had her own doubts of being saved by him (as mentioned). She was so fixated on wanting to know what went wrong that she forgot to do the one thing she was passionate about— dig deeper, which again, is proven to be incredibly difficult with how witty and sly moriarty is. also how literally no evidence was left behind after the crime scene crumbled and got buried.
on another note, I personally like to think that casey didn't reveal his return to the public solely because she's already seen how his existence turned a kingdom upside down. not to mention, kunst auction house happened before the memory arc, so it's safe to assume that she still stood with her side of justice— especially with the whole, "I'll arrest you" thing.
opinion wise? casey is a well built character, but she lacks real and emotional responses to certain situations, while having completely logical ones in others (in terms of her character at least)— especially with the whole marriage arc; I know rudger probably doesn't care that she tried to kill him— but she did nonetheless, and I'd say that's pretty worthy for never wanting to show your face to someone again (especially if you believe what they did is right— post memory arc). She's trying to make amends but rudger clearly doesn't want the end of it, which is why I prefer the whole executioner idea thing— she's going to have to realise he's wrong (by law) eventually, whether or not he's saving people. (another interesting divergence that we could potentially see is casey siding with him over the “law” she swore to abide— grr, come on sayren, bring back my girl)
as for the acts of murder— she wouldn't have felt pity if she believed what he was doing was the right thing. rudger constantly takes up the role of being an executioner for people who he believes (and rightfully so) deserves it.
this discussion did make me realise that casey is no different, considering the fact she was so god damn ready to put an end to moriarty.
which correlates with the whole "bird cage" god thing— we've been told (as of the time this was posted) that rudger wants this barrier gone, and we (the readers) were told that the barrier in a sense was lumensis trying to control the development of humans; but I don't see why sayren would use such powerful language just to imply that he was trying to save all of humanity. looking at everything rudger's been through, it's starting to seem like he wants to destroy the gods and the world they've created, instead of lumensis alone.
then again, this is another thing that befuddles me— who is the antagonist of his story? does he even have one with all the possible endings that we've been predicting for? there's casey, surna, the heretic god, lumensis, the church of lumensis and there's even the possibility of himself. (credits to @/stonespears because *chef kiss* that idea of him just formatting his og life like a phone is 🤌🤌)(edit: the gist of this idea is that he returns to his og world with no memory of what happened)— honestly speaking though, although casey's one of the characters with the most screen time, I can't really see how she'd play a part in the life rudger has set out, especially when we already have characters with lesser screen time but a major role for suspense etc (grander, surna, rene). not jinxing this because I beg you sayren, don't offscreen my watergirl.
++also your annoyance is very relatable— especially as an mtl reader, I must say some comments on chapters make me want to pull my hair out/lh
(please keep talking to me, I love these kinds of conversations jebdkndksndnd :dies:— also, I sometimes get the feeling I'm not saying what I'm thinking, so I'm a little sorry for that jahaha,, )
+++ and omg thank you for rambling this much with me, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.
(≧▽≦)/♡
this entire conversation makes me want to start a discussion about machiavelli—because rudger babe, taking that name after pulling everything as moriarty was not a good idea; especially with the whole, "killing for a reason is killing nonetheless" idea (from the irl Machiavelli).
on casey selmore & ludger cherish:
the more i read into the novel, the more i wanna scream at the manhwa for missing out the context for caseys grievance over moriarty/ludger, and thus making the readers think she is annoying for it. despite their rivalry/bickering before moriarty was deep into the things™️, considering caseys personality, she still prolly saw moriarty as her best friend (or someone who gets her the most). and if my best friend suddenly changed 180° and became a notorious villain, yet still trying to save me when we were supposed to be nemesis, i as someone whose whole career is pursuing the truth would also wanna chase them into the end of earth and make them confess their reasons. ludger's assessment of casey obsessively chasing him out of her pride may contain a part of truth, but i find it unfair to say that's her whole deal. (if you are familiar with ace attorney, i dont think its incorrect to say their relationship after falling out is similar to phoenix wright and miles edgeworth after DL-6.)
spoilers for 268+: i personally dont think casey was at fault for falling for moriartys bit when for his whole life lying is his whole expertise and the gods also bless him with auto crits on deception.
spoilers for 356+: i do hate that casey was the one who ended up apologizing when between the two, ludger was clearly in the wrong. i suppose at the time it made sense since casey needed ludgers forgiveness for closure and full mental recovery, so i wont dwell much on this.
spoilers for 497+: since ch268, casey was the only one actively trying to mend their relationship while it became clear and clearer in ch497 that ludger was the one actively pushing her away. i think after the moriartys bit, ludger ended up seeing himself as someone who is irredeemable and one day poetic justice will become his downfall. based on ludgers past behaviors during their reichenbachs falls and now his last convo with casey, he seems to be building casey up to be his executioner. i dont wanna say this is end game foreshadowing or ludgers death flag but fuck if thinking about it doesnt make me screaming crying throwing up eating drywall.
#KEEP RAMBLING MY EARS ARE YOUR PROPERTY NOW#ik we're strangers on the internet but 💍#/j#nah bestie i started talking about lumensis too lol#there's so much theorising to do in this fandom#which is why i love it so#literally my favourite thing ever
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had a dream about a dystopian future in which aliens take over the world and istg it took like 10 years off my life span
#it literally started with some off screen voice explaining the situation like I'm watching some Sci-Fi horror from the 70s#and it was the year 24XX don't remember the exavt year but it was about 400 years in the future#and the aliens kinda looked like those robot thingies from the war of the worlds but they just were that huge#and they could send like mini versions of themselves into every nook and cranny and if they found something that was alive they'd eat it#including a poor house cat which my brain made me witness#but i was in a group with some other people I've never seen before and we tried to run into a townhall for safety#but there were a bunch of aliens and they kinda shot the building hoping it would collapse and it did but we could run into the basement#and istg in dream time we spent three weeks in there#we never ate anything but we really spent three fucking weeks in the dark with no proper oxygen water or food#the future eh#and some guy from our group almost died cause an alien tried to trick him into running straight into its mouth but he realized and came bacl#and the aliens laughed at that??#so they were still around apparently#but idk after those three weeks we had to leave the building expecting to run into those aliens again#but instead we saw military and ambulances etc#humanity won the fight against the aliens while we were in there?? and we didn't fucking realise#funny cause the offscreen voice at the beginning was like 'humanity has no chance. u can't get used to that u can only survive"#whatever ended with us running into another group of survivors and there were ppl we all knew and we hugged and cried#that's also the only time i saw someone i actually know in real life#i just lived a very lame Sci-Fi movie but like i wasn't the main character#it was exhausting tho#dream diary
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Omg. The beauty and the beast au was AMAZING??? Wow I did not expect to be so obsessed with it omg, you did it again. Would LOVE to see more from it, or even Gil's POV. Incredible job!!
Gil tossed aside another book. This was the third shop they'd tried and still, no word about anything even resembling a 'curse', nor how to dispel one.
Not that Gil had been a big believer in beasts or curses or magic before, of course. He wasn't surprised that there were no books on them in town. But he had spent all winter getting to know a very specific beast, with a very specific curse.
And he had brought her home with him.
Every since breaking Thena's curse, he had been ravenously curious about...how--what had done it? He had thought that his kiss was what had broken the curse for her (and he still blushed thinking about it). But that didn't make much sense.
As Thena had told him, the curse had been placed on her family line for generations. She was the last of the line with it, the youngest of them to possess the curse before her family disappeared. But then, if all it took was a kiss to break it, how had no one broken it before? How had they had generations of kids with the curse? And who were Thena's family, for that matter?
There were too many questions, and the castle hadn't had any answers. All it had were terribly cold rooms--too cold for Thena, now that she was bound completely to a human form. He'd asked if she was sure she was ready to leave the only home she'd ever known, but with his promise of being together...she'd followed him.
She'd helped him pack up everything they wanted from the castle and headed down the mountain with him. He'd shown her the modest little cabin he'd built with his own two hands, sheepish to unveil it after she'd lived her life in a literal palace (as in ruin as it had been).
But she loved it. She loved it as much as anything else he'd made with is own two hands, forever marvelling at how he could craft something from nothing in such a human way.
Gil looked looked down at the main floor of the shop, where Thena was also pawing through books. She'd found so many to bring home already. He really hadn't planned on buying so many, but she'd been reading the same books for...ever. And how could he say no when she looked at him with those eyes?
"Gil!" she smiled up at him, as if having suspected his eyes were on her. She waved and then pointed at the book in her hands, "this one is about Excalibur!"
She loved books with swords in them. Gil put his latest useless find back on the shelf and headed for her downstairs, slinging the increasingly heavy rucksack over his shoulder.
She swayed with excitement, and he had taken a little time to realise it was almost akin to how she might have once had a tail to wag in excitement. Little things like that were almost too cute to bear, with her. "It's about this group of knights who help some kid named Arthur become king by pulling this sword out of a rock!"
Gil just chuckled, happy to let her glee soak into him and ease his fatigue. She had so much wonder for the world she'd deliberately avoided for so long. She had also told him of observing people from afar while she'd been a fox, but he was seeing more and more of how little she'd really been around people.
She closed the book, eyeing the bag over his shoulder.
He caught the look, though, taking the book in hand before she could put it back. "Hey, what's one more, right?"
She glanced between him and the bag anxiously. "You could always let me carry it, you know."
His smile only grew, though. He drew the book to his side, fully intent on buying it now. "Hey, maybe I wanna read this one."
Thena let out a faint laugh, following him to the counter. "We were supposed to be looking for books about my...condition."
"And instead we found books we'll actually read," he excused easily. And true, they hadn't found any useful books, so just as well they found something Thena was going to actually like instead. He slid the book forward on the counter. "Just this."
The old man smiled past his white moustache, "treating the wife to some shopping, eh?"
Gil turned pink to his ears. "I-I-I, uh-"
Thena bumped her hip against his, her dress and cloak swaying from the movement. "He's too good to me."
Oh, if only she knew that he could never be good enough to her.
"You two take care, now," the older man waved as they departed, chuckling as Gil attempted to get out any words whatsoever.
"He was nice," Thena remarked easily, though. She looked up as the door bell tinkled above their heads upon their exit. Things like that entertained her endlessly. Her hand touched the underside of the bag, testing its weight lightly against her palm. "Maybe we should head home for today?"
Gil smiled, taking her hand in his and tangling their fingers together. Thena continued to glow from even the smallest touches of affection, and it continued to charm in him to the bone. "One more?"
She beamed at him, already outwardly excited. "One more."
Gil leaned forward, giving her cheek a quick peck. He delighted in how colour spread in her cheeks, as easy to spot as a rose petal in the snow. Nonetheless, her hand squeezed against his, which he returned.
"Oh, what about that one?" Thena was already running to the next shop with a book in its front window. She whipped the door open, delighting in the bell that jingled to announce her arrival.
Gil followed her, closing the door behind him. She was already walking with her head up, eyes scanning the shelves. He turned back to the front display, reaching forward for the book that had been in the window.
The picture on the cover looked like a stained glass window--an eerily familiar stained glass window, the remains of which he had only glimpsed briefly. But the picture in full depicted a family, it seemed, and a white rose, and a wolf or a fox. The family all had blond hair, but only the little girl seemed to have green eyes.
It was a long shot, but it just hit a few too many of the right notes to be ignored. Gil opened the book, flipping through. It was a story book, as he'd suspected. The tale was about a family, some distant form of royalty. The mother was from a line of cursed women who always managed to hand the curse down to their children, no matter who they found for their daughters to marry, whether they be princes or noblemen or knights. But they were always chosen for them, it seemed.
"Find something?"
"Maybe," he murmured, looking over at Thena, tilting her head to look at the cover sideways. "Look familiar?"
"Somewhat," she pursed her lips at it, "I'm not sure I can place where I've seen it, though."
Maybe she didn't remember what the stained glass at the castle looked like whole. Gil closed the book. They could read it together, if it wasn't upsetting for Thena. "I think it could be worth looking into."
Thena snatched the book out of his hands, a determined look in her eyes. "I'll buy this one."
He smiled, following her to the front counter. "You don't have to-"
"I had some money stashed away," Thena began before remembering how much of her life they were trying to keep to themselves, "up there."
"Just this, Miss?"
"Yes, please!" she smiled, slapping down coins so shiny they were almost suspicious for it. But obviously they had never exchanged any hands.
"Have a nice day, then."
"And you," she waved, holding the book to her chest like precious cargo.
Gil was honestly just glad to see her happy to be out and about. She'd been anxious about coming into town, worried about how she might be received. Even as a full time human, he supposed he couldn't blame her for remembering how humans had treated her most of her life. It had taken a lot to get her to come into town with him the first time.
Thena tapped the book against her shoulder and held out her hand, wiggling her fingers at him. "Coming?"
He nodded, slipping his hand into hers, letting her decidedly lace their fingers together. He could continue to worry about all this later, and he was sure he would. But he could worry about it all with Thena beside him, in the comfort of their cabin home at the bottom of the mountain.
#I am so glad someone else liked this one as much as I did#I know I technically closed the curse out in the first one#but I still really like the idea of this AU#So I'm glad you did too!#Thenamesh Beauty/Beast AU
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#okay i've never considered this but imagine len coming back from the occulus... wrong#and after weeks of denial and falling for him and seeing pieces of the man he was and the man he became and knowing it's all held together#by the shell of what came back and it's not really him any more#barry has to destroy him#mmm delicious
You have given me a frighten. And awakened my masochistic tendencies. Do you have any further thoughts about this?
YOU BET YOUR BOOTS I DO
what was just a vague throwaway thought has now taken root in my brain, oh no
i feel like 'wrong' is such a vague concept but i'm imagining him kind of like speedforce!nora, if they'd leaned into it the way i really wanted them to. something that looks human, acts human-ish, but it's only skin deep. it's an imitation. keep the aesthetic but make it more eerie, more fey. sometimes when he talks you can hear the whispers of other voices. he was trapped in the timestream for too long and what came back looks like him and sounds like him but something is slightly off. it's the uncanny, that thing that looks human and sounds human but isn't quite human enough, and in that way is more unnerving than something that appears wholly monstrous (my gothic lit lecturer from second year just punched the air in excitement that i did in fact learn something). it knows what you want to hear and it retains that charm len had, twists it and uses it to manipulate.
i'm not sure if i prefer the idea that team flash or the legends did something to bring len back and fucked it up, a la soulless sara or that one zombie ep of supernatural, but worse, or that len just inexplicably walks out of the timestream one day because he was slowly soaking in all that power and became powerful enough to tear his way out on his own, and what's left of him had enough human instinct left to go home but not enough to actually understand the resonance of it. i do always enjoy the hubris of 'we did this and we shouldn't have' but the idea of this fucked up powerful being exiting its own prison by itself is also compelling in a terrifying way.
i definitely think there'd be some denial there. because barry - who still feels guilty that after pushing len to be better, he ended up sending him to his death - wants to believe that it's him, despite all evidence to the contrary. and if len acts strangely, and seems a little off, well that's understandable, because he's been through so much, and because honestly it's unbearable to contemplate that the man he got back isn't the man he lost, not only in the 'trauma changes us' kind of way but in a more literal, eldritch, fucked up way.
so i like the idea of a slow drip-feed of team flash slowly realising something is wrong, and trying to justify it, and reaching the point where they can't any more. i think it'd start off slow. they'd notice something a little off about him but i mean, who wouldn't seem a little strange after years of being trapped in the occulus? he doesn't blink enough. he's lost the drawl. sometimes something unknowable flickers in his eyes. he's going through the motions of being a person but he's not human in some very vital ways and the cracks soon start to show. his reactions don't seem right and they chalk it down to trauma until there's no way to pass it off any more. like they all feel awful for it and that makes them reluctant to examine it further but all the little moments add up until they're forced to come together and be like, idk what that thing is, but it isn't leonard. and it takes a while to realise, because even real len could be cold, and seemed heartless and cruel, and he killed people. so it's like, is this just him and the trauma made him backslide into who he used to be, or a worse version? or is it something else?
it would take barry the longest to accept it, of course, because he wouldn't want to see it. he'd probably lash out and be angry but i think deep down he'd know, and once other people pointed it out he wouldn't be able to let it go.
there's two ways that this could be resolved. on one hand i like the idea of there being enough of the real len left to know that there's something wrong with him and in his fleeting moments of lucidity he's asking barry to take him out before he hurts someone. this hurts barry even MORE, because the len he originally met was on survival mode and would have put himself first at all costs and it's so painful to know that he became the kind of man who'd get on his knees and bare his throat to save other people from himself. like. barry always knew there was good in him and now it's all that's left and it's still not enough.
BUT i also think there's something to be said for there being nothing of him left at all, and barry being so desperate as he searches for a sign that isn't there and allows himself to be manipulated because he wants so badly to believe, and maybe he almost falls for it. he almost lets himself be taken in because he WANTS to be, and it would be so easy, so comforting to let it happen. which would make it even worse when he finally accepts that len is gone and what he thought he had back was never even him, and len died back at the vanishing point and it was all just a lie.
either way barry would have to kill him. and he'd do it himself because he's barry and he takes the responsibility of the world on his shoulders and he'd have to see len look into his eyes and trust him the way he did when len had him at gunpoint and trusted him with lisa's life hanging in the balance, and UGH IT WOULD HURT SO BAD THANKS I HATE IT. i'm picturing xmen: the last stand, which is an atrocious movie, but the part where logan has to kill jean to destroy the phoenix force is like. the vibes i'm getting here. very much the essence of the quote from that post about every romance involving someone becoming a monster but it's up to interpretation who the monster is and of course both of them think it's them
*sigh* well that was a delightfully fucked up little rant, anyway, on with our scheduled daily programming
#long post for ts#answered#thank u for allowing me to go feral about this it was much appreciated#my fics#kinda?
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SteveTony Weekly - May 2
I know I say every week that I read a lot this week but I have been indulging in my favorite coping technique and so this list is ridiculously long. Twitter encouraged me. Blame them.
**Indicates my recent favs
~*~
On the inherent homoeroticism of cake decoration by welcoming_disaster (616/8K)
“She’s matchmaking, Barton,” Carol sighed.
“We,” Thor corrected, thumping himself hard in the chest, “art matchmaking.”
“Who, Cap n’ Tony?” Clint asked, his mouth full.
“Cap and Tony,” Janet confirmed, cutting herself a thin slice of egg and gently depositing it on her whole grain avocado toast, “it’s getting ridiculous.”
“Wait, I thought they were—“ Clint frowned, glancing around the room as though to confirm. Nothing but confused faces met his questioning gaze. “Huh. I really thought they were fucking.”
“And there is the crux of the issue,” Jess licked a bit of spaghetti sauce off her lip.
“Aye,” agreed Thor, “there’s rub.”
-----------
The team tries to set up Steve and Tony. Things don't go as planned.
Baby lovers like you and me (never say die) by FestiveFerret (Old Guard AU/7.5K)
The Avengers. They'd found him frozen in the ice, told him he was immortal, of all things. And with the way he'd lived through seventy years deep in the Atlantic, he found himself inclined to believe them. They'd also been very… convincing.
Without question, they integrated him into their unit - The Avengers, a secret team of unkillables seeking wrongs around the world and making them right, supported and housed by an enigmatic billionaire named Tony Stark. Their immortality, it seemed, was a secret to everyone but him.
Ready, set, bake by ChocolateCapCookie (Great British Bake Off/11k)
The Avengers are on a nationally televised baking competition, but nobody seems to have warned the producers that the Avengers, while they save the world everyday and put their loves at risk doing so, are a) insanely competitive, and b) absolutely terrible bakers. Steve Rogers, especially, has a competitive streak a mile wide, and he's determined to win this competition, but it's not easy when his only real opponent is also the man he's been in love with for years.
***To make flowers grow (in this barren heart) by SoldiersShield, KakushiMiko (Hanahaki AU/16K)
“You hide yourself away in your technology, but you are just as human as the rest of them. Your heart betrays your desire to possess.” Her gaze falls to the arc reactor, and Tony's blood runs cold in his veins.
“The Earth will reclaim what we have lost,” she says, dragging a hand over the chestplate of the armor. “It is you, and your kind-- your greed that pulls life from the soil as if it were nothing. You will reap what you have sown, Stark. The avarice in your heart will strangle the very life out of you.” Arna meets his eyes once more, a serene smile on her face as she leans forward.
“I hope he is worth dying for,” she murmurs, before digging her hand into his ribcage.
(Tony Stark falls in love with Steve Rogers. A rogue enchantress ensures he pays for it.)
Shelter from the storm by silkspectred (KidFic/5k)
Tony adopts a baby. Guess who's Majorly Fucked Up™ about it.
Keep on beating by itsallAvengers (Domestic Fluff/6K)
There were an awful lot of things Steve loved about Tony. But one thing in particular Steve could never get enough of was his heartbeat.
The good or bad thing by petreparkour (Multiverse/10k)
“It’s the metal suit,” Thor informed Steve, his normally-booming voice tinny over the SHIELD comms. “What did Stark call it—Iron Man?”
“But he’s down here,” Steve protested as the Hulk roared in Stark’s face, startling him into waking with a shout. “How could—”
“It’s damaged,” Thor reported. “But it looks different. More advanced. And he—ah. He’s carrying you, Captain.”
“Please tell me nobody kissed me,” Stark breathed out, and then Stark’s voice suddenly came over the comms, but the man lying next to him hadn’t moved.
“Guys, come on, you’re killing me here. What is it, 2012? God, I hate time travel. First, I'm fighting Thanos. Now, I have to deal with my past self and Thor's bad haircut? Oh my God, Cap, yes I hacked their comms, they’re my comms.”
Steve nearly opened his mouth to protest that he hadn’t said anything when he realized that this replica of Tony Stark wasn’t speaking to him.
***The tipping point by nightwalker (Domestic Fluff/7K)
Tony has a few quirks. Steve's still trying to figure them all out.
We two, how long we were fool’d by glassessay (Soulmate AU/9K)
Steve Rogers comes into the world as unblemished as his mother. When Anthony Stark is born, his soulmark is an obvious pattern of ink across his tiny chest.
It only takes a century, two names, and a shared love of Walt Whitman for them to find each other.
The tape in the cave by betheflame (Canon Divergent/5K)
Steve had no idea what was happening.
“You think I didn’t know that?”
Tony was staring Zemo down as though the Sokovian was actual vermin - which, Steve reflected, he kind of was.
“You think that I,” Tony continued, not hiding the sneer in his voice, “Anthony Stark, who has more powerful technology in my literal fingers than most nations have, that I wouldn’t know everything possible about how my parents died? That I wouldn’t know it wasn’t an accident, that your silly little HYDRA Nazi knock-off pals are the ones who murdered them? Please, you are pathetic.”
Happy ending by Robin_tCJ (No-Powers AU/28K)
Steve is a mobile massage therapist, and Tony is a stressed billionaire. What could go wrong?
With a decent happiness by torigates (Teacher AU/16K)
Tony Stark is Iron Man. Steve Rogers isn't, and never was Captain America.
Or, the one where everything is the same except Steve is a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing left but scars by SailorChibi (MCU/6.7K) - Reread
Steve wakes up to the fact that no one ever compliments or even says thank you to Tony, and that he has fallen into the same trap of painting Tony with a specific paintbrush.
This is how he showers a very confused Tony with praise to make up for it.
Our hearts should remember and follow by frostfall (MCU/5K)
Steve hums. “I didn’t know you could play. Or sing. Don’t think I’ve heard anyone mention it before.”
Tony shrugs. “It’s one of the few things, skills, I don’t flaunt. Not something people are interested in, anyway. Not gonna sway any board members by playing fucking Für Elise for them. Sides’, there’s a high chance I wouldn’t even play. Well, maybe if you get me drunk enough and near an instrument. Then, I might reconsider.”
(After a dream leaves Tony rattled, he turns to the piano as a way to distract himself.)
Finally, you and me by pensversusswords (Multiverse/10K)
Because in every layer of time, in every conceivable dimension, he was always meant to love Steve.
By some miracle, Steve was meant to love him back.
***Full disclosure not required (but appreciated) by Potrix (Identity Porn/16k)
The one where Steve knows more than he lets on, Tony knows less than he pretends, Clint has a big mouth, Bucky is a little shit, and everyone learns why keeping secrets never ends well.
Almost never, anyway.
Heartlines by nanasekei (MCU/7.9K)
“Let me,” Tony repeats. He regrets it deeply, so much, he wants to stick the words back into his mouth again, and it must show, in the way his voice wavers. He feels exposed, all of a sudden, as if he’s asking something bigger than what he can actually say. Let me touch you, let me take care of you. “Just… Let me do it.”
i found a way to let you in, but i never really had a doubt (marriage series) by quidhitch (Marriage Series/16k)
Tony Stark doesn’t believe in marriage. It’s nobody’s fault. —Well, it’s Howard's fault, probably, but Tony doesn’t like to think about that for too long, finds that it dredges up all sorts of issues he’d rather keep buried under a mountain of strategically employed sarcasm, humorous self-deprecation, and the occasionally effective substance abuse.
***Hide your love away by sineala (Soulmate/33K) - Reread
Tony has suspected for a long time that the soulmark on his chest matches Steve's -- but he's never told Steve about it. And then it's too late to tell Steve anything at all ever again. In the wake of Steve's death, the Skrull invasion, and Norman Osborn's rise to power, the identity of his soulmate is just one of the many things Tony cuts out of his memory forever.
When Tony returns to consciousness, he's forced to deal with the aftermath of a war he no longer remembers fighting, not to mention a Steve Rogers who can barely stand to be in the same room with him. Surely the last thing Tony could ever need in his life is more amnesia. But that's what he gets. And Tony's new missing memory just might be the key to finding out the truth of his soulmark... as well as his chance to make things right once and for all.
Break the chain (can’t live in circles again) by orphan_account (FWB/19K)
There had been seven amazing weeks of dating Steve Rogers before Tony realised that they weren’t dating at all. And then it was a scramble to adjust to the situation as it had always been: being Steve’s friend-with-benefits.
And if Steve seemed a little confused and bewildered by the way Tony was acting, well. Tony was probably just misreading that, too.
Five times steve and tony (tried to) bail each other out of jail by Teyke (MCU/6k)
Twice before Civil War, twice after, and once during. For very loose definitions of both 'bail' and 'jail'.
Cracked hearts under iron ribs by XtaticPearl (Established Relationship/14k)
Rhodey is away for almost six months now and comes to meet Tony after the mission. He doesn't understand the domesticity of the whole Tower and unknowingly sets off a whole truck of insecurities which make Tony crawl back into being a Stark instead of just Tony. The team is not at all happy and Rhodey joins them in trying to figure out a way to help their resident genius feel better in his skin.
The single biggest problem with communication by BlossomsintheMist (616/108K)
In the wake of Steve's return from the dead and the end of Norman Osborn's reign of terror, the superhero community is recovering--Steve has taken on a new role and Tony is trying to put his life back together. Things are still awkward between them, but they're determined to put things to rights. But when a discussion about their feelings leads to further misunderstandings, they discover that might be more difficult than either of them realized. Set in the early Heroic Age after the end of Dark Reign, this is a get-together story about crossed wires--and second chances.
What are friends for? by bobertsmallismydad (MCU /2.8K)
In which Steve is targeted by a virus. Will the Avengers be able to save him in time?
Starving by festiveferret (Vampire AU/2K)
Steve woke up starving.
***Everybody wonders (What it would be like to love you) by SoldiersShield (MCU/3K)
“...Is that what this is about?” He asks slowly. Steve blanches.
“Oh my god. It is.” Tony has no right looking as giddy as he does. “Steven Grant Rogers, are you jealous?”
--
Or: Steve and Tony have been dancing around each other for a while now, and Steve's rather content with it. Attending a gala together just might change that.
Re(A)d all over by brandnewfashion, MusicalLuna (Drunk Flirting/3k)
Contrary to popular belief, Tony Stark can blush.
It just takes Steve getting drunk on some magical Asgardian mead for it to finally happen.
***The Do-over Proposal by nightwalker (Established Relationship/1.2k)
Steve wants to go on a journey, Tony doesn't think it's a good time, and Bucky needs to beat some sense into both these idiots.
A Winter’s Ball by alliejowrites (Victorian AU/3.8K)
Steve moves to London in search of a patron, so that he can finally devote himself to painting. He is not expecting everything he finds upon meeting Lord Stark. A fluffy little Victorian AU. One-shot.
What’s a fanfic by starksnack (AvAc/1K)
Kamala introduces Tony and Steve to the world of fanfiction. There is a surprising amount of content about them being gay.
#stony#superhusbands#stevetony fic#stevetony weekly#stevetony#fic recs#steve rogers#tony stark#iron man#captain ameria
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You Have A Home
Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader
Summary: After a call from Y/N, Sam comes back town to help -- and brings Dean with him.
Requests: N°1 heyhey, could you do a Sam x reader where they went to college togehter and later meet again and they realise their feelings for eachother...xx + N°2: can you do a college sam headcanon with medicine student reader
A/N: This was fun! The monster here is mentioned in season 6, when the boys ask Bobby for advice on how to kill it. This is my first Samgirl long imagine, with Dean being the flirty he is. I wrote this almost one year ago, so it's more crude and I'm nervous to be posting it! And my piece for @cajunquandary 's 600 challenge, my prompt was monster of the week. Dividers by @talesmaniac89!
Dean's eyes remained on the road when the bitter statement left his body, tangled with a wry chuckle, “I can't believe you are still in touch with those people.”
“Those people?” Sam arched elbows, slightly skeptical by his brother's tone, “They were my friends, Dean.”
“Sammy, all our friends? Dead. They all die. Or worse.” He glanced at him for a moment, pursing his lips together. It might not be an easy assignment, but was part of the job. Sammy had tried to run away plenty times and always came back, when would he understand? “We don't get to have friends. You should've learned that.”
“They are not our friends, they are my friends. Also, they don't know about the hunting life, they aren't in harm.” Sammy hissed once the other locked his green eyes on the road again. Dean sighed, moving one hand away and up from the steering wheel in a rendition gesture.
“Whatever you say, man. I'm just warning you, this doesn't usually end up good for them.”
Sam scoffed, Dean could get on his nerves sometimes, “We saved many people that got to have a good life.”
“Yeah, but those people didn't know us before that. I told you when you left Stanford--”
“I didn't keep contact, okay!? I just... I just still have a phone that they have the number of. No social media, no calls on birthdays.” Nervously gesticulating, he added, “I know how to keep them safe, Dean.”
“So, old friend?” The eldest Winchester asked after the few minutes of silence that followed Sam's outburst, “Female old friend?”
“Yes. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Dean smirked, and Sam to rolled his eyes at his behavior, “Keep it in your pants.”
He'd let out a malicious laughter before turning on the radio, the first guitar sounds of AC/DC playing in the background.
“I think you'll be the one not keeping it, Sammy.”
“Hello?” The woman in nothing but a towel who had opened the door greeted them with a question, her brown eyes glaring at the two men with clear confusion.
Dean had no shame to check her out, innerly celebrating that she was still wet from her shower. Perhaps visiting Sam's friends wasn't that big mistake. “Hey, you.”
She grimaced at Dean for two seconds before turning her attention to Sam again, sudden recognition written on her face.
“Sam? Sam Winchester?” He nodded, smiling that light-hearted boyish grin at her. Not caring about her dressings, she just threw herself at Sammy, hugging him tightly. “I missed you!” She pulled away only to hit his shoulder. Her short stature didn't match Sam's, but he'd still make a grimace at her attempt of slap. “Why didn't you call? God, your hair grew a lot. Listen, I have some scissors.”
“Tried that, didn't work.” Dean interrupted their reencounter, trying to get in the conversation. An usual lopsided grin on his face, “Dean Winchester, Sam's brother.”
“Layla, Sam's friend.” She gave him a friendly smile in return, opening space for them to pass through the door before closing it, “Come in, I need to change in clothes.”
“I wouldn't even dream of that. Seriously.”
Layla would just wiggle one of her brows at Dean's comments, not impressed by it, “Ele é sempre assim? (Is he always like this?)”
Thankfully, Sam still remembered a bit of his friend's native language. He just chuckled, managing to apologize for Dean's typical Dean behavior, “Unfortunately. Sinto muito. (I'm sorry)”
“(Y/N) is in the kitchen. I'll be right back.” Her accent was thicking stronger duo the comfortability around Sam. Excusing herself, the caramel skinned girl leaded upstairs.
“What did she say?” Dean asked, side glancing at the path Layla had just gone on, not even sure of which language she'd just spoken, much less what was said. Sammy didn't bother replying, satisfied to grin at his obvxion brother. “Dude, come on!”
“Sam!” A well-known voice filled the room as the image of (Y/N) appeared in front of them, dressing your loyal cook's avental. You didn't think twice before jumping on Sam. “I missed you, giant!”
He, like always, caught you with a light-hearted laughter, “I missed you too, cupcake.” You two spent a few moments like this, enjoying each other's warm and long lost touch, until Dean cleared his throat. You finally went back to the ground, embarrassed by having a stranger to see that level of intimacy between you and Sam, “This is Dean, my--”
“Handsome brother. Hello, cupcake.” Dean was so going to tease Sam for the rest of his life for it.
“You really live up for Sam's description.” You giggled, heading towards the kitchen “Come in, I'm baking.”
“So, you and Layla still live together?”
“Most of the time, yes. You know how she is, comes and goes. Never wanted to stay in a place for too long and got a job that supported that.” The boys followed you, Dean examining the kitchen and trying to discover what you were cooking through the smell, while Sam couldn't take his eyes on you, “Apparently, just like you.”
Even though your back was facing them as you checked the food, the bite didn't pass unnoticed, “I had to leave, (Y/N)”
“I understand that, Sam. But you never called or texted. It was like I--” You quickly corrected yourself, “We never existed for you.”
“It's not like that.” Sam sighed, how could he justify? He knew you wouldn't buy a simple excuse. You were smart, and knew him too well to swallow a 'I went on a trip with my brother and just decided that college wasn't my deal' and leave it for that.
“I'm here!” Layla declared, arriving into the room with an excited smile, it was good to have the gang back together. Although, the tangible tension almost made her go back to the shower, “Am I interrupting something?”
“A sitcom DR.” Dean answered with sarcasm, spreading his figure on the chair when you turned around with an apple pie in your hands “What about we talk about the ca-- Is this pie?”
“We heard a scream followed by a loud roar and (Y/N) stayed near the camping part because there was still a signal and I went looking for who it was. When I got there, the thing ran away. Jorge's body... No human did that. His chest was cracked open irregularly, as if it was done by an animal and his heart looked weird. Like it was squeezed and drawn on up somehow?”
“We got a Samia.” Dean stated, relaxing on his spot. Some sault, rosemary and fire would do the job just fine, “Let me guess, it left a clawn near the body or inside it?”
Layla nodded, “Right in the chest or what lasted of it.”
“Are you okay? Finding the body in that state.” A comprehensive manner englobed Sam's question, whom noticed the normality with his friend described finding a shattered body.
“Just some guts.” She shrugged, a grimace was all the reaction they'd get. Crying wouldn't help, neither being terrorized as they expected her too. “I've seen Grey's Anatomy enough not to care about it.”
“Well, I'm literally a medicine student and I am still not okay with that. Especially after you made me go and check the body.” You argued, glaring at your best friend who'd only roll her eyes in response.
“I needed a professional to say if he was dead or not!”
“You need a therapist.”
Dean got up, looking straight at Layla. Time to play the hero in shining armor, “Don't worry with that, we will take care of it.”
Frowning, you were the one to respond, “Do you work for the police now or?”
“Are implying that we investigate it by ourselves?” Your best friend added.
Dean couldn't believe his brother. How the fuck did he let them get inside without saying they didn't know about the hunting business? It was a luck shot that they didn't think much when he said Samia.
“Nope. Not you two. We will do it.” The blonde one said, pointing at them with a smirk.
“I agree, we will do it.” Layla replied, matching his taunt smile.
“Sam, I'm not letting you and your brother do it by yourself. Jorge was my professor, I knew him. Besides, we found the body.” You got on your feet and crossed your arms, waiting for a response. Sam always had a sort of hero complex, ready to help no matter what, but there was no way you'd be letting him go into danger with his brother. Getting in your dormitory to kill a cockroach back then or facing an idiot during a bar fight to protect one of your friends was something, but this? They were talking about looking for an assassin. What if something happened to him? You were the one who called. All on you. The thought of Sam getting hurt for any reason was unbearable, but because of you? You weren't willing to do that.
“You would be in danger, (Y/N). You both.” He tried to explain, internally hoping you'd accept his reasoning and let it go. Sam didn't want you to become one of the friends who knew about this life, you deserve more. He already lost one woman he loved in this city, he couldn't lose another.
You huffed in frustration, “Just like you will!”
“It's different.” As he was terrified of, you insisted. Arms crossed still and eyes locked with his, determined to get something from him. Sam was smart enough to know that you would keep it going. Perhaps he could give you a short explanation, “Me and my brother, we are used to this. We hunt things like that.”
Layla tilted her head to the side. The way Sam talked remembered her of animal hunting, although she highly doubted that was the case, “Little more explanation?'”
“Monsters are real. Vampires, werewolves, spirits. The list goes on. Call us crazy. Roll the credits.” Sarcasm saltered every word of Dean's as he gestured up and down with a cocky smile. Everyone glared at him, a special furious look from his brother, “What? I thought they knew what we did and that's why she called.”
“Sam?” Your voice was fragile when you said his name, a demonstration that you would believe him through the fear of the truth, but that he had to say it.
Sam laid his hazel eyes on you. God, how he wished he didn't have to confirm anything, to break your vision of world so abruptly, “Dean is right. Supernatural things are real. I know it sounds--”
“Unbelievable? Problematic? Scary?”
“Yeah, all of them.” Sam offered you a humorless smile, then holding your hand the way he used to when you were nervous about an exam, “But I wouldn't lie to you, cupcake.”
The silence was broken by Layla opening a bottle of Whiskey, pouring them for the three people in the room besides herself. You rolled your eyes at your best friend, while Sam wore a tiny smile and Dean was astonished.
Noticing the eyes glued, the latina just shrugged “What? If you are gonna tell me that Dracula is real and you are a sort of Buffy's apprentice, then we will need some alcohol.”
“Why did you call?” Sammy asked, his brows knotted together, mouth slight open as he waited for your response. “You didn't know what I did. And he wasn't my professor at Stanford. Then why did you call, (Y/N)?”
You could make up a hundred excuses. Lie and say he was the one friend besides Layla that you had somehow a way to get to. Appeal to the excuse of 'I felt something weird about the death and you said I should call if I ever had a problem of any kind'. But for as much as you felt horrible for using a death as a pretext for calling him, that was partially the truth. You already had put yourself into a mess of monsters and a drained heart, it couldn't be scarier than being honest to Sam and to yourself.
At least, you hoped so. But your heart was rushing like when you saw Jorge's body. Jesus, when did love become so morbid?
You took a deep breath, oxygen barely achieving your lungs, and then started to talk.
“I wanted to call you the minute that you left, Sam. I almost did a million times.” You answered, looking down at the bottle of a sort of plant that he was putting in a dark green bag. “I thought about what you could be doing, what was so important that you couldn't send me a message. But you just didn't want to call, I guess.”
“I wanted to call, of course I did.” You scoffed at his statement, looking up to match his eyes, “(Y/N), I'm serious.”
“You didn't even come to Jess' funeral, Sam. Layla said that maybe you needed to leave to clear your mind, that was too much to deal with. But I was so worried, and sad and confused and I wanted to talk to you because you would understand, you always did. About anything. And I wanted to give you some sort of comfort, but--” You lifted your hands and shrugged your shoulder, a broken chuckle leaving your body. “But you weren't here.”
“You stopped leaving messages after two weeks. Calling was gone when it made a moth.” You sniffed. Sam's lips curved into a pure, cautelous grin. God, he was always so sweet. “The emails took two months.”
“You were never good with dates. I gave you a calendar in your freshman week.” Your teeth met your lower lip. He didn't answer, only nodding at your affirmation, omitting the fact that he still had the calendar between latin books and pieces of newspapers, “Yet, you remember all of it.”
Sam leaned forward, holding your hand with all the delicacy you would expect from a sculptor. It had been too long since he hugged you, and his touch made all your skin tickle with warmth. “I missed you too, (Y/N). I thought about you all those years.”
“So, Cupcake?”
"Let's focus on the case, Dean."
“Then you can go back and eat your cupcake?” He remarked with a grin. His brother just huffed, pointing the flashlight through the trees, “So, Layla…”
Sam rolled his eyes, like he usually did when Dean started being too Dean for his liking, “Dean. The case.”
Before he could make another teaseful comment, a roar invaded their audition. The hunters gave each other a quick glance before heading towards the direction of the noise.
Shaking the salt and rosemary mixture in his hands, Dean smirked, “That's it. Time to shine, cupcake.”
“I have to admit. Being patched up by a doctor is better than by Dean.”
A surprised, half relieved laughter came out your body as you finished another stitch on Sam's arm. That boy was unbelievable; openly talking and making jokes about his brother, who was also being patched up by your best friend in company of a bottle of whiskey, while he spoke about Layla's name being a rock song. You were working on a large wound on his shoulder-- which you were sure that was full of dirt from the forest.
Medicine student, but I'll take that complement.” You winked at him, gaining a soft grin from Sammy, “I was expecting more blo-- Why are you smiling? I'm touching a recent wound. It doesn't look dangerous, but I'm sure it is supposed to hurt. A lot.”
Sam's answer came out easily, the bare, vulnerable truth: “I'm happy you are here.”
You looked at him, his hair longer than before, but the soft simper remained on his face. You bit your lip to hold a giggle; her heart dared to hope. What he expected when he said things like this? A quiet contentment spread through his expression while he watched your reaction.
“You should have come home sooner.”
His mouth formed a line, “I don't have a home, (Y/N). It's just Dean, me and the road now.”
“No, Sam.” Shaking your head lightly, you intertwined your fingers with his. His life was dangerous, you couldn't afford the luxury of waiting even more to share what you had finally admitted to yourself in the moment he walked through the door. It didn't seem like the easiest, simpler situation. But the only hard thing you couldn’t go through was to be away from Sam Winchester. He lingered on you for years, you were done letting him run away. It was time to hold his hand and walk together. “You should've come home sooner. To me.”
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In response to your post about Mikleo getting flustered by girls: Most likely, it has to do with the way they were raised. Since Mikleo is a seraph, the seraphim in Elysia knew to raise him to "seraphim norms" (which we know from Berseria are most likely human norms, due to them at one point living in harmony.) With Sorey, they did NOT know if human society had changed, and with Zenrus being well aware of Sorey's destiny to return to the human world, they were unsure how to raise him as someone who fits in there. (As a side tangent on this, with Mikleo coming to Zenrus as a seraph baby, there may have been genuine concern that seraphim can reproduce among the community, leading to this behavior as well, but this isn't backed by canon in a obvious way. If I'm wrong, I'd love to know.)
Thus, Mikleo gets flustered around girls because Mikleo was raised and socialized in seraphim culture (and thus human culture, by accident) properly. Sorey doesn't because he's not a seraph and thus had to be taught in a different, possibly archaic or strange way. (This is also why multiple people in this area of the fanbase tend to state Sorey is autistic/schizophrenic coded - due to his complete disregard for what goes in a society and just following what he knows very well.)
Thank you for taking the time to send me this I appreciate a good discussion.
Hmmm. Well I could see this but there's a few things that make me think that's not the case.
The key point of the story is the harmony and cohabitation between Seraphim and Humans with Sorey and Mikleo being at the center to show they are no different outside of the main thing. I'm pretty sure the canon makes it a point to highlight how Sorey and Mikleo were literally raised in the same exact way with the seraphim taking on the habits of eating, sleeping and living in houses for Sorey. Its also made clear in a skit (though its anime so meh) that Mikleo actually goes out of his way to ask Zenrus about talking to girls his age while Sorey has never really had an interest in such questions prior to meeting a girl his age. Whether Mikleo asked this in regards to help Sorey along in the future or because neither knew how to talk to a human girl before is uncertain.
Seraphim are never stated to reproduce but with a chief as old as Zenrus and typically seraphs being as long lived as they are, I'm pretty sure while rare seraphic rebirths aren't unheard of since they have happened before with kids so the idea that baby Mikleo might have raised concerns about seraph pregnancies is shaky at best. The only thing that surprises people (like with Zaveid) was the idea that Mikleo was an actual baby.
Going off of the last point it also doesn't make sense for them to suddenly give Mikleo sex ed and crush talk 101 if his arrival was what raised seraphic reproduction concerns because they'd be as ill equipped to handle it as with Sorey. Also its not been THAT long since Zenrus mingled with humans at Camlann and canon to be that out of touch with human culture.
I still don't think Sorey doesn't get sexuality or attraction. Its made clear at several points that both Sorey and Mikleo are somewhat innocent about the more kinkier side of things often missing innuendos but Sorey is always aware of love talk. He is incredibly sharp when he picks up on Zaveid's plans to read the wind at the sauna and is equally as disturbed by the idea of Dezel stalking Rose at the sauna. He is distressed about walking in on what he thinks is Alisha changing and berates himself for not knocking as he did invade her privacy but shows no further interest whatsoever. He also realises and is horrified at the prospect of Edna mock flirting with him early on and is unimpressed by Sergei continuing to see him and Rose as a married couple. Basically he showcases absolutely no true interest in women as a whole so much so that despite several scenarios which are typically shippy he never really reacts in a manner suggesting any interest or attraction. Meanwhile he is quite giddy about the idea of romance in general, he finds angsty passionate love poetry nice, he quite clearly states to Zaveid that romance does come up in his life. He is also pretty flustered about his connection with Mikleo early on post water armatization and doesn't quite talk about it. He is never quite flustered by women or the thought of women. Hell he shows more fascination at Mikleo's whole babe scene while being very "girls have nice skin 😀" about them in bathing suits in the dlc.
Overall Sorey shows a healthy interest in romance and can pick up on and even makes a small sex joke at one point (I can't remember when exactly but he does). He simply shows no attraction to any of the girls and doesn't react to any of the moments with Rose, Alisha or Edna in ways that suggest an interest. And this lack of interest is actually brought up by everyone at several points. You'd think at 17 hormones would override a chaste archaic upbringing because regardless of our awareness, attraction isn't a concious thing.
I have no opinion on him being autistic coded or schizo coded (????). I'm neither and therefore don't relate or assume.
I'd love to discuss more anr bounce ideas and theories off of you. I like the idea of baby Mikleo causing a mini panic wave amongst the seraphim even if I think its unlikely. 😂
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Chapter 93 - Fancy chair, love it.
- So my theory is that Raizel just never learnt how to write in Lukedonian either.
- Tbh the janitor is suspicious. Like how hard was he googling M-21?
Chapter 94 - SUYIIIIIIIIIIII
- Ah geez the first of the racistly depicted characters.
Chapter 96 - Suyi getting mad at the kids for complaining about Hansu is so funny like when she first appears you think she's perhaps a stuck up celebrity or a pushover but it turns out she's just a really sweet friend.
- Suyi being stunned by Rai's looks but not falling for him (same with Yuna) is one of the things I always liked about Noblesse. Like sure in the first meeting they get blushy but I'll just jot that down to the inherent beauty of nobles since I can't relate to it at all.
Chapter 97 - Frankenstein's house always being stocked with so much food because the kids just started coming over daily is hilarious. Even funnier since Frankenstein obviously thinks it's overkill but is the one stocking up anyway.
Chapter 98 - Regis and Seira 🥺 Seira's og outfit was the best one she had like it only goes downhill from here folks.
Chapter 99 - It would have been so funny if Frankenstein went "they must be cosplayers" instead of realising the two were nobles.
- Regis taking all the initiative shows how it's his roadtrip coming of age journey which is pretty clever. Also Seira's just like that but still.
- Shinwoo stop exercising in class bro. Do not flex on the rest of us this is so rude 😭😭😭
- Regis confidently saying he's a noble in class to humans he doesn't plan on mind controlling... Baby boy why are you so dumb? How is this hiding your identity??? And Seira just lets him,,, good for her.
Chapter 100 - Ah yes their elegance boner at seeing Raizel... nobles are so fucking weird.
- M-21 thinking he won't get any information because of his time at the Union and thus being surprised at how open Frankenstein is is actually really sweet. Like yeah I still think Frankenstein is an unethical and questionable person but he is kind to most humans (werewolves and nobles can go fuck themselves I guess lmao).
Chapter 101 - The second hand embarrassment I felt when M-21 called the two noblesse... how do I even consume content?
- Yeah 100% most union members don't know the difference between nobles and vampires. I bet they'd classify jiangshi as either mutants or werewolves. Or to be more specific, that would be the classification given to low leveled members. On one hand I think it's dumb that the Union gives members twisted information because how would they even use it? But on the other hand it makes sense since it prevents said members from seeking nobles for help. After all, if they believe even the 'noblesse' are vampires that drink blood, than obviously they won't see them as possible escape routes.
- 'Noblesse only applies to one person'. Yeah because Rai's brother is fucking dead. And so is whoever was his predecessor/parent.
Chapter 102 - Those bullies got backup so fucking fast like Shinwoo literally just asked Regis and Seira if they were okay then boom! They're back.
Chapter 103- Regis going ??? essentially when Shinwoo tells him to take care of Seira is so funny like yes ofc he's confused she's literally a clan leader + noble females aren't physically weaker + noble women work out just like the men.
- Rude, Regis. You can't just ask someone why they're mingling among humans. You're doing that too. Who doesn't mingle among humans smh. Even cats and pigeons mingle with us.
Chapter 105 - Love how everyone else in the household is so sick of ramyeon like Raizel stop please you're being selfish.
Chapter 106 - Frankenstein is the definition of the 'right in front of my salad?' meme at Regis and M-21 arguing at the dinner table. Then there's Seira and Raizel just waiting for the noodles to get soggy so he can't even eat. Wish Urokai could see him getting tortured like this.
- The soldier rejecting backup because he knows the enemy is the Union hurts my heart. Wanting to prevent casualties... iwi
Chapter 107 - Shark how tf do you not know about South Korea? That's one of the asian countries people actually know about. I guess maybe it's because this is from around a decade back? K-pop is more recent and made the country more visible I guess.
- Ah yes Takeo. Forever known as "the first time I read Noblesse and he appeared I thought he was Marie's sister since they had the same hairstyle". Like I thought that before even learning about the Aris Taivra fiasco. My power 😔
- Oh don't worry M-21, Frankenstein stopped experimenting on people 830 years ago. You know, as one does.
Chapter 108 - Shark has like no general knowledge. Geography? History? Tf is that I guess.
- Tao saying they're the worst possible people for the job is so funny like yeah he's right. "All we do is massacre people in warzones why are we in Seoul?"
- The rest of the squad complain or are confused about the peace meanwhile Takeo is vibing. He's the normal guy TM of the group.
- Ah yes noble lore. If you take canon at face value than the fact that nobles were around when humans first emerged and there being about 2-3 clan leaders before the current generation means you can estimate their lifespan. Ofc it differs wildly depending on how you interpret the 'first humans' part. I'll assume there were 3 generations before the current generation (mvp lord being the third generation) and won't be adding the current generation since a 0.5-2k years is kinda meaningless. I'll also be assuming that mvp lord entered eternal sleep at around the same age as his predecessors and that he would have died soon from old age anyway (since canonically they do have limited lifespans). If we assume it's just the first human ancestors (7 million years ago) than the average pureblood lifespan is 2.33 million years. If we assume it's when homo sapiens started to emerge (300k years ago) than it's 100k years. If it's about modern humans (130k years ago) than it's 43.3k years. Regardless I'll ignore it since my hcs are that nobles are effectively immortal unless killed and that the 2-3 clan leaders is a misconception due to a mix of Gechutel just straight up lying, because there are clans that have had fewer clan leaders, because I have nobles settling on Lukedonia only 30k years ago, and because Gechutel is factoring in his own age of 10.2k so it's more like 'There have been 2-3 Ru clan leaders before the Ru clan leader 10k years ago since after we settled in Lukedonia'. There's also the possibility that nobles didn't have lords or clan leaders until a few thousand years ago in canon but the species has existed for much longer.
- 'Nobles are individualistic... They don't despise humans but don't love them either.' Humans w/ ants. Now if the ants were capable of speaking with us it'd be exactly the same situation.
Chapter 109 - "What were they researching here?" Since when does the Union research anything aside from human modifications Kranz? Why do you even need to ask? More seriously this means that the Union doesn't actually only do human experimentation and weapons lmao. The other shit just isn't relevant I guess. It's a shame, I'd have loved to see how a lab focused on like, fixing up polluted waters, would be fit into the story.
- The fact that Tao beat Jake up is never mentioned enough. Also confirms that Jake was lying out of his ass about being the strongest.
- Marie being the weakest assassination squad member is interesting like I know why Crombel doesn't need bodyguards as the reader but you'd think the Union would be suspicious of him not having a stronger bodyguard. Also I still can't believe the Union doesn't bother learning who the members are aside from the ones Crombel tells them about like. Bro???
- Shark calling Takeo uptight is hilarious because the guy literally just shot the falling ceiling light which is the opposite of uptight. Either he was preventing them from getting hurt/being caught or he wanted that to happen considering the fact that he shot it and it shattered. And then he just goes back to leaning against the wall. Takeo please 🤣
Chapter 110 - And Shinwoo's still staying over at Ikhans place. Wonder when he's gonna move back. I really love their dynamic like yeah I beg my sister to get me food all the time too. Also love the apron and skeleton hoodie.
- Shinwoo went through the five stages of grief pretty quick huh? Like yeah it's his own misunderstanding that Ikhan is dating someone but still. Homophobia is annoying as always though.
Chapter 111 - Suyi paying for their food is so sweet of her and also I relate so much like yeah mood that's me and no I don't want to be paid back.
- Takeo,,, the fact that he just hands his wallet over because he doesn't like violence and doesn't want to beat them up,,, my heart. Otoh... how did he even get cornered in an dark shady alleyway lmao.
- Aris managing to make herself look like a teenager as Taivra is interesting since Takeo says he wants her to be able to go to school like Yuna and Shinwoo when he's treating them. I guess she looks younger without makeup.
- Takeo just straight up pointing his gun at Shark in public because he mentioned Taivra... anger issues much? I understand why but taking your gun out is an overreaction.
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Hello! 27, 49, and 40 for the ask game!
Hi! Thanks for the ask!
27. Favourite line/scene
This is a tricky question! I've written many scenes and lines that really liked, but my favorite line would probably have to be "For a moment there, things felt... alright. But that's ludicrous, isn't it?". As for scene, does a poem count?
Do humans realize how big we are? It’s true. We change everything we touch, and yet it never feels like it. I change lives by existing. I make people feel emotions by just being me. And yet I feel Small. But our buildings hurt, our weapons kill, our cities grow. We cover so much of the world with our power and our ambitions. Yet when we send our machines into the vast darkness We realise how small we are. Small like an ant. Small like a frog. Small like a grain of rice. Small like an atom. We humans change everything by simply being. How can we call ourselves small?
49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?
None of them. They'd probably be very, very mad at me for making their lives terrible, and most characters I write about, whether it's for a fanfic or it's an oc, are very problematic.
40. Share some backstory for one of your characters
One of my favorite characters to write is Subject R25, or R. I started writing a story that was supposed to be fluffy and fun, but uh. It's not. R is a shapeshifter that did not have a very enjoyable childhood. Long story short, a war that literally tore the planet apart happened, and they were pretty much used a power source. If you want, I can tell you the long version, but a warning: it's really long.
#Sorry for the late response!#I had to eat and then started doing homework#thanks for asking though!#ily /p
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