#-he would have had to lose them eventually. lose Rose because she's human? hello? painful? but instead he was selfless and left her-

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

[redrosesartcabin]

Self indulgent series: Part 2.1

Life: Part 1

(Kenji x female reader, authors perspective) (the reader is a singer) (also: Some angst in here. I dunno why, but I just love writing some angst with fluff endings xD)

“So, let me get this straight”, the interviewer said, bewildered by the story the singer and songwriter Red Rose had brought up, “you met your now husband, Kenji Kon no less, on Jurassic World as one of the kids who got stranded for five months?”

“That’s correct”, she said. She had answered that very question a million times, but she couldn’t fault them for it: It was an unbelievable story (though she started to wonder how not everyone was aware by now that she was one of the teens back than).

“It was in December of 2015. I was thirteen years old and exited to be one of the first teens to visit Camp Cretaceous. I have to admit, I wasn’t and still am not, maybe even less than before, the biggest fan of dinosaurs. I’m not particularly interested in facts about them, but I definitely was interested in seeing some Dino action! So when I won first place at the talent show of my school-“

“Unsurprisingly”, the interviewer interluded at which the audience gave a collective chuckle.

“-I was still very excited about going to Jurassic World. My parents never wanted to go and in retrospect I can understand why. But you know: I was a naïve thirteen-year-old and didn’t think much about the consequences of the past. What happened at Jurassic Park you know? I was convinced Jurassic World was different and all worked out. Boy was I wrong! We all know it now! But at least I can say that I got, besides trauma, lifelong friends and my amazing husband out of it”

“That definitely can’t be disputed”, the interviewer agreed. Red Rose found him quite pleasant. Although he was a chatterbox, he was still very respectful and didn’t poke too much into the Jurassic World story: Although she was, for the most part, over the trauma, it was still a work in progress and it’s not a time she always remembers fondly. On most days she remembers the good moments she had with her newfound friends there, but sometimes she could feel the adrenaline rush through her as she thought of dinosaurs trying to eat her and her fellow campers. She saw flashes of sharp teeth and could feel hot, stinking breath and hear growls drawing shivers down her spine.  Red Rose liked to focus on the human part of the experience, so she preferred being able to tell the tale of Jurassic World the way she wanted without being asked too much…

 “So, Kon helped you reach fame if I remember correctly?”, he asked.

“Definitely! Though, I mean: I was able to do most of what I’m doing. Teaching myself how to use certain programs. I taught myself how to sing and I’ve always written my own stuff…But I certainly wasn’t good at marketing myself or making myself grow.

Kenji and I became boyfriend and girlfriend when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. That same year we went on vacations for three weeks in the Caribbean’s. And “, she let out a laugh. The camera closed up on her and caught a smile and a glance that looked so touched by love anyone could feel how much she adored her spouse, “I remember how we went on the private part of the beach Kenjis father had purchased. I sat down on a hammock and a guitar and just started improvising and singing. Little did I know my boyfriend -gosh that sounds weird to say now- was filming me. He put it up on Instagram, and he already had quite a following back then, so it gained quite some attention. Though not necessarily because it was a nice scenery or any of that: But because people genuinely liked how I sing and the melody I had come up with. And well… it got wild from there. People soon requested I make my own Instagram page for making music.

A year later I was asked if I would like to produce some music and well… then my career started”

“That’s honestly such a cool and sweet story. Though how about an even sweeter reunion? Please welcome: Kenji Kon”

Red Rose got up from her seat with a wild jump, not as the eccentric, elegant yet kind of crazy minded artist, but as y/n Kon. As the wife who hadn’t seen her husband in person for a month because of the production of yet another movie starring him as the protagonist.

The crowd clapped in awe of him, as fans. She wanted to clap because her heart was clapping too. Her heart was dancing a tango inside of chest as though she was seeing her middle school crush in the hallway. His dark eyes, ridden with depth met her y/e.c. ones and all they could read in each other’s eyes was happiness and love.

This happened within miliseconds, but it passed by in slow motion for her, so she perceived herself running towards him with calm. For the rest of the world however she was perceived as looking like a golden retriever who had missed his owner whilst they were at work and were ready to play.

It was adorable. It was downright touching how the couple met each other halfway and gave each other a long, passionate yet gentle kiss (so that it wouldn’t be too inappropriate for life TV).

“Not to be giddy, but you really are a couple to die for”, the interviewer said. The audience half chuckled half yelled in agreement. She felt her cheeks blush in a deep dark shade of red and heard her husband chuckle in embarrassment. She looked down to her and whispered “Hello love”

 Kenji had, unsurprisingly, had found joy in being actor. Being dramatic and showing his face on camera all the time? Perfect!

And he honest to god was a great actor. Though it did get annoying from time to time that he was casted as either the pretty faced villain or the charming, perfect love interest. Sometimes he was even both.

Y/n didn’t like to admit it, but she was quite jealous at the beginning when she saw him kiss other men and women on screen. It took a big fight for her to admit that.

She wasn’t proud of that fight at all. She had been, without wanting to, been very critical of her then fiancé (it was about six months before they got married). She would call him several times a day when he was on set of a particularly spicy rom com and observe his socials every couple of minutes. Y/n remembers her friends teasing her about it in the beginning and then eventually scold her. “Don’t you trust him?”, they had asked and she had answered, “I do….”, and they knew she was telling the truth, yet there was more behind it.

Kenji soon caught up and noticed her strange clinginess.

“What is up with you, Y/N? You know I have work to do! You can’t call me that often on set!”, he had yelled when the topic came up. He had been visiting for the weekend before he would go back on set.

“Why not? Can a girl not talk to her fiancé?”, she had asked with a sharp undertone

“Of course, you can darling. But twenty times a day is simply too much!”, he argued, yet he tried keeping his tone softer.

“I don’t call that often”, she pouted

“Oh YES you do!”, he put his phone out and showed her the times she had called just the other day. She counted about thirty, “I was nice with that number!”

“And? So what? You can just put your phone on silent”

“Yes, of course I can. This isn’t about solving the notification issue it’s about solving your trust issues towards me. Why don’t you trust me?”, as he asked the question his anger had subsided and genuine hurt showed in his eyes in his voice, “you monitor me like I’m an inmate”

“I…”, she was only able to say, her throat suddenly seemed dry, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I…”, she couldn’t find the right words to explain it. It hurt too much to admit. She thought she had been over that thought pattern a long time ago, but it had returned to her.

“What? What have I done to deserve this?”, he asked, “Why are you even with me, if who I am disturbs you so much?”

And that… that sentence had hurt her more than that ugly thing inside of her she hadn’t wanted to face.

“You fool!”, she screamed in fury as the sentence he had uttered stung, her eyes filling with endless tears, “How could you ever think you disturb me? You are the most beautiful, wonderful human being I know, inside and out. And on top of that you are incredibly kindhearted. And that’s why I’m like this… I don’t want to lose you. And it’s not that I don’t trust you: I highly doubt you’d ever cheat on anyone. You are too kind for that. But I fear… I feared when you are together with all these good-looking actors you might not find me enough anymore. I know it’s stupid, but you see: The past haunted me again. When I was called fat. When I was called not-good-enough. When I read social media comments saying you’re out of my league and I don’t deserve you. Ugly words that ate me up inside when I was a child and young teen. I thought I was past that but I…I…”, now the tears were too many and her words died with hiccups. She felt his form surround her in a hug that felt so warm and yet sharp as knifes. She loved his touch but felt guilty for not opening up about this sooner. She had never wanted to be like this, but alas she had been too much of a coward to burden him or herself with this.

“Love”, he whispered after comforting her for a couple of minutes, “Look at me”

She lifted her head. Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips were dark pink, and tears had run streaks across her cheeks. It broke Kenji to have hurt her so deeply, yet he also knew that it wasn’t his fault. It was however his responsibility, to clear this up once and for all.

“Love listen”, he started, “I completely understand your jealousy. But we’ve been together for almost ten years and in all that time, I’ve never encountered a woman more incredible, deeply fascinating and intrinsically beautiful as you. No acted kiss could bring me away from you, no sexy actor could keep my mind from ever wishing for more than to be by your side. I’ve been by your side for almost six years: What should change now?

The monster from your past is, as already stated: Past. Their words were untrue. These people were in pain themselves when they caused you pain. You were a target to unleash the inner turmoil of others. It’s no excuse but it is the explanation. Those who feel they must hurt others are those who seek the most attention and power because they’d be devoid of having a self. I should know: I used to be similar to that. And I had my phase of jealousy as well, you know?”

“Really?”, y/n managed to ask

“Oh yes! I was in rage every time I heard you talk about any of your guy friends back in high school. Difference is I could hide it better because we were apart a lot of the time. I feared you would find someone who had more of a personality than me. I was no longer sure looks would cut it”

“Gosh love”, she answered, her voice love drunken, “you burst of personality. You aren’t just a pretty boy or well… pretty man. You have so much spirit and energy to give to the world. You are the definition of happiness and sunshine. And on top of that you are an incredibly talented man with so much to show. You wield the human mind and emotions so well you can convert yourself to be something other than yourself convincingly-”

“See?”, he asked, “and just like you love me like that and see all that good I sometimes don’t recognize, I see it in you… I always love you”

“I love you too. I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m so happy we had this talk. It was much needed”

“Yeah”, she hummed as her lips almost touched his and within seconds the couple found themselves passionately kissing

Ever since then they hadn’t had any of these kinds of self-worth problems. They’d say I love you on a daily basis and gave each other compliments whenever they could.

One thing the fans found especially cute was that, without fail, Red Rose would comment on each of Kenji’s selfies and comment “hey gorgeous, you single?” and he’d answer every single time, “Sure Sugar. Meet me at seven on your favorite street-corner”

One time they took a picture of each other on a nice-looking street corner. Kenji had called the picture “finally found the street corner. Been waiting to meet this lady for a while, apparently her name is ‘your wife’, which is peculiar but otherwise she seems nice”.

The picture even went viral and became one of the all-time favorite celebrity pictures of 2026.

  After the talk-show they flew back in his helicopter.

They were in New York city and y/n looked at the city landscape with a fascinated gaze as she observed the flickering lights of the big apple.

Kenji looked at her with eyes shining almost as bright. He loved her love for everything new she sees. He had noticed that the first time she had seen the watering hole. He wasn’t really interested in her that way yet. He was fifteen and she thirteen, that makes quite a difference at this age. But still he couldn’t but smile as she looked at the dinosaurs with big eyes. And he loved that she hadn’t lost that spark, even as she got older, even as they came together and grew and changed together.

Y/n noticed his gaze and shifted hers to look at him.

‘What a beautiful man. I’ve missed him so’ she thought to herself.

“I missed you”, he said as though he had read her mind just now. Maybe he had. They had been together for so long they were often able to read each other’s subtle shifts in expression. Quite a beautiful thing.

“I missed you too”, she simply answered, “did you plan this talk show surprise?”

“Yes and no”, he admitted, “I was meeting up with Donavan O’Connor, the director of the ‘Elaine, the one?’ series. When calling Donavan, he told me had been to talking to Ray (the interviewer) and he was casually pointing out the funny coincidence you were meeting up for and mention the funny coincidence, that you’d have an interview with him that same day I come to the city and well… needless to say I called Ray and arranged things... I just had to. Couldn’t miss the opportunity to surprise my beautiful wife”

She smiled at that. A shy and flattered smile that reminded Kenji of when they were teens.

 They landed on the roof of a nice-looking hotel. They had decided to stay the night here in New York before travelling back to Ireland… yes: Yes Ireland.

Most celebrities lived in L.A., but Kenji and y/n had preferred living a bit apart in an old mansion near the coast of south Ireland, close to the northern border. Although Kenji was a people person, he didn’t like the dishonesty and lying in the industry and wanted to get away from that with his wife who thought the same.

Besides: It was a beautiful country.

As they entered the room, they felt peace and happiness as well as a certain kind of tension arise.

Needless to say, there was another kind of reuinion going on that night...

(Sorry about that short ending, I had to heavily edit that ‘cause it originally was a... well... non Pg scene xD)

[queeenpersephone]

Hello! I’d love to see what you have written for the Good Omens/Doctor Who story! ☺️

yay! okay this is literally just copy/pasted from my doc for this fic (about 2k), so the plot probably won’t be obvious but hopefully it’s still enjoyable to read! i just don’t think i’m ever gonna finish it because i never finished good omens

without further ado...

take it up with the badlands

summary: If he wants her to stay, he’ll have to fight those who shaped the universe. And they could, he knows. He is an immortal demon, no longer bent to the will of heaven or hell. She is the Bad Wolf, Goddess of Time and Space, capable of feats even he can barely imagine. That’s not even in question. The question is: would she ever actually want to stay with him?

Deep down, Crowley knows the answer. And it’s not a happy one. 

The white haired man looks her up and down, a mask of evaluation on his face, before grimacing in distaste. “Oh, I suppose I know why you’re here,” he announces when he has finished deducing. “Wish you people would leave him alone,” he adds under his breath.

Rose just smiles, playing along. Maybe the man this man speaks of is someone who can help her - the reason Bad Wolf sent her here. “Sorry, can I just wait for him here, then?” She twists one of the hoops in her ears, giving the bookseller a bright grin.

Instead of looking reassured, the gentleman looks even more unsettled. 

-

“I've been working on this top secret project for years now,” she tells them. “The Dimension Cannon - supposed to get me back to my proper universe. Only, someone noticed I wasn’t aging that quick, so they somehow got my blood from my files and ran some tests. Still don’t know what they found, but a couple days later my stepdad was deposed. He only had the resources to get my mum and my little brother to a safe house before they killed him.” She swallows hard. “I was tortured for about four months.”

Aziraphale murmurs a sympathetic “oh dear!” but makes no move to comfort her. Crowley tries to refrain from rolling his eyes: angels have a great sense of empathy, but really know shit about showing it.

“Anyway, I escaped. Been on the run for a month or so - saw something in your window that made me think this was a safe place.” Something in her eyes tells Crowley that she won’t tell them what it was, not yet. “I figure something about this universe makes me age slower, but they thought I was alien. After all the crazy shit that’s happened in the last decade, they felt betrayed, I guess.”

Crowley shrugs. “You are, though.”

Rose starts. “What?”

“You’re an alien,” Crowley clarifies unhelpfully.

Aziraphale takes over. “What Crowley is trying to say, my dear, is that you are neither angel nor demon, but you are an immortal. Quite a powerful one, I sense.”

Rose’s jaw nearly hits the floor. 

-

“Well, love,” Crowley drawls, “seeing as you’re probably going to be here awhile, you might as well come for drinks.” He drapes a loose arm over her shoulder, leading her out the door as Aziraphale closes up shop behind them.

“Are you tempting right now?” Rose teases, but he can see the shock and pain that still hide behind those golden eyes. Crowley’s never had mortal attachments, and he’s not the type to be empathetic, but he still acknowledges that it must be difficult. He’s only known this newly immortal human for an hour, but he can already see how strong she is. “‘Cause I’d rather have a friend,” she admits.

Crowley, thankfully, is saved from responding by Aziraphale’s gentle hand on Rose’s shoulder. “Ah, my dear, I’m quite sure we’ll get along splendidly! My demon friend here is slower to trust, but he’ll come around.”

“Oi, right here,” Crowley grumbles, but he manages a soft smirk at Rose as they stride off to their favorite bar. He’ll get to the bottom of this anomaly if it kills him. 

-

To Crowley, Rose is a walking contradiction.

She has a dark sense of humor and a penchant for danger and trouble, with a generally mischievous air that Crowley has always associated with demons. Yet, her staunch sense of right and wrong and blinding optimism could only belong to an angel. Well, Aziraphale, at least. The rest of the lot are right bastards. 

And she’s so far out of the rest of the humans’ league that she might as well be in another universe.

From one, Crowley mentally corrects. Then he wonders when this little goddess-human prototype began to take up so much space in his conscious thought. The space usually reserved for good tea and terrorizing plants and tight jeans - now filled up with thoughts about Rose Tyler’s bright laugh and bad jokes and uncertain fate. 

-

“There’s something you’re not telling us, love,” Crowley observes.

“Yeah,” she admits, a soft blush blooming on her cheeks. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter, does it? I trust you.” Crowley makes an impatient shooing motion with his hands. “Yeah, okay, so in my universe, I sort of absorbed the time vortex? Long story short, I controlled all of Time for a few minutes - the Doctor said I would’ve burned, but he took it out of me.” Rose shrugs. “Anyway, the torture I went through.. that’s how I discovered I can kinda… control it, I guess.”

“Control it?” Crowley leans forward into her space, taking his hands out of his pockets.

Rose gestures around. “It’d be easier if I showed you - Aziraphale, do you have anything in the shop you’re not attached to?”

Crowley nearly loses it at his friend’s offended and very concerned expression. Oh, this girl is only proving herself to be more and more precious. 

-

“You’re God, huh?” Rose knows, gazing intently at the shadowy figure in the corner of her dream.

The figure straightens, but Rose still can’t make out any singular feature. It’s a woman, surely, but nothing else. “Bad Wolf, you do not belong in this universe,” God says, and Rose rolls her eyes.

“Took ya kind of long to figure that out, yeah?” 

God shrugs. “We couldn’t decide where you fit in with the Plan. And now We’ve decided you don’t fit, so We are sending you back.”

Rose's heart jumps at these words. “Back?” she stutters, “to the Doctor?”

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

Rose squints at Her. “You’re not doing it out of the kindness of your heart though, are ya?” God is silent, and then Rose knows. “You’re afraid,” she realizes. “You’re afraid of the Big Bad Wolf.”

“We have no fear,” God says, but it is like She is shouting in Rose’s head.

Rose’s eyes flash gold. “I take your atoms…”

“ENOUGH.” 

Rose wakes sweaty and exhilarated to the sweetest sound she has ever heard. To the sound of the TARDIS. 

-

Crowley takes one look at the Doctor and the way he holds Rose’s hand, keeping her slightly behind him in a completely unnecessary protective stance that fires up Crowley’s indignation - he left her, he left her, he has no right to protect her - before shoving him up against the wall in a chokehold. If Rose hadn’t been panicking about the possibility of them killing each other, she would probably be a little turned on. The man she’s loved for years and the demon that made her smile again, both with the body and face of her dreams? It’s probably a good thing she’d only ever think about that possibility in hindsight. 

“I fell,” Crowley growls, “through ash and fire. All for pride. Rose Tyler, all annoyingly empathetic and stupidly optimistic and fucking brilliant that she is - she helped me find peace. And that makes things very simple. If you hurt her, if she feels one ounce of pain that you had it in your power to prevent, I will fall to God’s feet and beg forgiveness for my sins just to travel between universes and rain hellfire down upon you.” His words have the same, ancient feel to them as the Doctor’s, the same cadence as holy scripture, as absolute truth, and Rose shivers. His voice is so low and heated that when she steps close between them and lays a hand on his chest to push him off the Doctor, even she can barely hear it. “And I’m quite good at that,” he adds, smirking down at Rose, who shakes her head at him with a soft smile on her face. 

“It’s been a ride, gentlemen,” Rose says, sparing Aziraphale a friendly nod before gazing up at Crowley. “Thank you.” She rubs the fabric of the henley over Crowley’s heart, and he groans in frustration.

“C’mon, love,” he tries, “look at him! I’m sure I can give you at least twice as many orgasms.” Rose giggles, used to Crowley’s brand of humor, but doesn’t miss the sharp noise that the Doctor makes behind her. “I’ll make you see heaven,” he promises, but she can tell by his eyes that he already knows her answer.

The Doctor moves up behind her, twining an arm around her and pressing his palm to her stomach. “And with me, she’ll see stars,” his voice is low and dark, and Rose knows that they need to get onto the TARDIS before a full out brawl occurs in front of her. 

So she takes the Doctor’s hand from her stomach, pressing a kiss to the back of it before shooing him back to the TARDIS. He goes, but he watches Crowley with sharp eyes.

“You’re better than you believe, yeah?” she whispers to the demon in front of her, cupping his cheek gently. “If I was meant to be here, in this universe, I’d be the one to show it to you. So you just gotta get back out there and find this universe’s match for you. I know they’re out there.” Her eyes dart to Aziraphale for a moment, wondering if something might eventually come from that. There’s history there, and they have the rest of eternity to figure it out. “Rely on your best friend, yeah?” She adds, wondering if a hint could turn into a catalyst.

“Rose-” Crowley begins hoarsely, before Rose dives her fingers into his ginger hair and pulls his lips down to meet hers. 

It’s a soft, chaste peck, nothing like that drunken night, but the possibilities hit them both like a freight train. It’s not hard to imagine their endless days: going for drinks with Aziraphale, lounging at his bookshop, Rose following his angry rants at his plants with a soft touch to their leaves, Crowley tempting ordinary humans into sin and Rose tempting Crowley into bed. In fact, it’s easy, and when Rose feels the hint of tears at the corners of her eyes, she pulls away. “Bye, love,” she murmurs, borrowing his nickname before giving him a quick squeeze. His arms don’t have time to come around her before she is walking back to the Doctor, who brushes his lips against her forehead before she walks past him and into the TARDIS. 

Crowley ignores the lump in his throat, but before he can walk away, a low tenor stops him. 

“I’m the last of my kind,” the Doctor is saying, eyes dark and intent. “I’m the killer of my kind. I’ve spent my life trying to do the best thing for the universe, but rest assured, I’ll now be doing the best thing for Rose. Forever.”

Crowley nods in agreement with this promise, before letting a smile quirk at his lips. “Have you considered whether she’ll let you?” He asks.

The Doctor grins full on at this. “Oh,” he says, stepping into his transdimensional blue box. “I can see why she liked you.”

With a groan and wheeze, the Bad Wolf disappears from this universe. God is satisfied, but Crowley sets out to get really, really drunk.

He won’t stop living, though, he refuses to disappoint his Rose like that. No, he’ll find his match.

After a few bottles of Scotch. 

-

“Did you love him?” The Doctor asks quietly, weeks later, when they have regained some sense of stability.

If she had been the same person she was when she started traveling with him, she might’ve lied. Been afraid to disturb the peace, the delicate tightrope that she and the Doctor always seem to balance on. But now, Rose is different. She understands relationships, understands love and trust and commitment, a little better. She knows the Doctor would never leave her, never let her leave unless he was absolutely sure it would truly make her happy. They’ve already hashed it all out, amongst tears and rage and late night nibbles, sitting at the foot of the TARDIS’ doors and dangling their feet into the cosmos. After everything they’ve been through, honesty comes easy.

“I could’ve,” she admits. She saves the waxing poetic, the memories of the dark quips and burning hugs and blunt speech, for their next visit with Jack. She’ll be honest with the Doctor, but she won’t set out to hurt him. “He’s a good man- demon, I mean,” she corrects. “Misunderstood and angry at the universe. He deserves a love that didn’t already promise someone else forever.” The Doctor reaches over, twining their fingers together. “And I’d never regret that promise, yeah?”

“Good,” the Doctor whispers, tugging her close. “Cause that’s how long you’re gonna stay with me.”

[prose-for-hire]

Roses are overrated anyway

Pairing: Gunn x fem!reader

Request: not requested. This is a sort of second part/after the end of ‘a rose between two thorns’ because I feel like Gunn was too secondary. Gunn and reader go on a date and end up stepping into an alternate dimension (because my brain wouldn’t let me just write a date without getting carried away with a backstory) 💖

Warning: Mention of falling from a great height. Reader feels nauseous (not sure if that needs a warning but better to be safe). One swear. Fighting. 

You were still seething from the day you had, the only saving grace being you knew someone would be walking in that door in about 30 seconds time that would improve your mood. Your date.

He walked in, the same swagger he’s had since you met - the only difference now was that he dressed smarter now. You used to visit Angel investigations during your summer breaks from college - calling it work experience. You kinda missed how he used to dress - his hoodies had been very comfy. He used to let you borrow them when you had accidentally on purpose left your jacket in the office and you needed to go out and find a demon in the middle of the night. He gave you that smile that he used his entire face to convey. His eyes filled with you, someone he truly loved. So how could he not smile so deeply even if he was just saying hello?

“Hey, how’s my favourite girl?” Gunn asked with a smile that told you he really cared.

“Don’t tell me that, what if I fall in love?” You asked fake-swooning so that he slid a hand to rest on the small of your back as he chuckled. You giggled and pushed him slightly as a lighthearted warning. You tried to avoid the eyes that were boring into the pair of you from behind the glass of Angel’s office. Gunn’s eyes looked over at them momentarily and he gave them a why are you staring look but his attention was quickly on you again. He had always been heavy on the flirting, you were both used to speaking like that but now was the first time you had actually both been in the place to try dating. You were both attracted to each other and you basically told him everything - which is why you had both probably been so reluctant. You didn’t want to lose him, he meant a lot to you. “That would be a bad thing?” He asked before gesturing with his head that you should probably get going. He was already in a suit and you decided your work clothes would have to do. Nothing says first date like an outfit described as being meringue-like you decided. You had gone to vent to Fred about the constant and somewhat unwanted attention from Angel and Spike. Not that you weren’t fond of the pair, but their competitive streak was wearing a little thin. You could sense the sexual tension the way they could sense the blood beating around your body.  Your talking eventually turned to Gunn. You and Fred were close and she has given you her blessing that it wouldn’t be weird for her if you and Gunn started dating (although she was a little disappointed thinking she had built Angel up for rejection with you as she had been so encouraging of him asking you out).

As if the Powers themselves had blessed your relationship, Gunn had run into you in the elevator and had taken his chance to ask you out. You almost fainted in excitement but chose instead to agree and plan something for tonight seeing as both of you were free and you really needed a distraction from your day.

He told you he’d come and pick you up from your desk and wished you luck for dealing with the vampires once you finally returned from the longest paid lunch hour in history.

“Where should we go?” You asked, smiling as he ushered you out of the building.

“I know a place” he winked, tugging you to follow him down the road. You had been walking for about ten minutes, Gunn had been filling you in on his day as you walked. Conversation always flowed so easily between you. There was a brief flash of light. Blink and you would have missed it. But both shrugged it off and carried on walking, you were so engrossed in the conversation.

He pulled you down a darkened alleyway that you thought nothing of, Sunnydale was a good 90% alleyways with little to no lighting. He stopped and turned, smiling. His face on one side and his nose scrunching that way that you loved. He turned and looped his arms around your waist, not able to stop grinning at you. That he finally had you to himself. You could just make it out in the dark. It made your heart quicken and butterflies erupt, making a home in your stomach. You had never felt so cared for before. He had no ulterior motives, he just wanted you for you. His smile making the corners of your lips quirk upwards too. 

You both just stood there, your faces so close he could feel your breath on his face. He looked at your lips and then back up to meet your eyes. Your grin widened when his did. You started to lean in, hands sliding up his chest. Lips almost brushing his. This was already the best date and you hasn’t even arrived and sat down yet. You could stand there in his arms forever, savouring this moment for the rest of time.

Just as your lips were about to meet, a bright green light flooded the area. Much like the flash of lightning you had ignored moments earlier.

“Aliens? Do we have aliens now?” You asked, moving closer against his side.

“Nah, if aliens were real we’d be all over it. My implant and your crazy receptionist brain would know for sure” he said quickly. His implication that your receptionist brain basically knew everything there was to know about the supernatural and wolfram and hart. More than half of the lawyers, you might add. He has told you how good you were at your job multiple times (he found it especially cool as you just managed to adapt to anything). He would always compliment you that way and it never failed to make you smile. You always felt so appreciated by him. He always valued you, he never belittled you or saw you as “just Angel’s PA that everyone seemed to have a crush on”. He genuinely cared, no matter what the situation. You looked around, waiting for something to happen. And just as you started to give up, the ground shifted beneath your feet and you both started to fall.

You were both falling forwards, the surroundings a glowing neon light that you could see whether you closed your eyes or not. You reached for him, but he was too far away. You tried to shout for him, but no sound would come out. You couldn’t see, but he was doing the same for you. Trying to make sure you were safe. There were silver ripples of light, as if tearing the fabric of green light apart as you tumbled further down. The silver became more vibrant until it was the only colour you could see. The air whipped around you with such force you started to become dizzy. You were afraid you would throw up everywhere. the sickness took over your entire body until you were contorting in pain.

Then it all went black. 

You were no longer in pain. There was fresh air. It smelt of salt and overturned soil. You realised you were looking down from above. You were falling towards a flat surface. Concrete. You panicked, trying to slow your descent. You had fallen into an alternate universe. You landed hard on your hands and knees, as did Gunn who had been right beside you the entire time. You both looked at each other, hissing in collective pain. You moved towards him and clasped a hand to his. He squeezed your hand, a comforting gesture. One you needed, as a figure made his presence known from the shadows. 

He looked human. Except his skin was a deep purple, his eyes the shame luminous green as had surrounded you only moments before. He had visible veins popping out of his skin and he was wearing an old baseball cap and what appeared to be several items of smart-casual clothing from different human decades of fashion. As if he had raided the lost-and-found.

”Who are you?”

”Your worst nightmare” he smirked. You rolled your eyes, you had heard that one before. And thus far, it hadn’t been true.

”Kronak demon. Dimension shifting demon. On retainer for Wolfram and Hart since the early 1900s but lost their contract when- well, when we took over” he shrugged. Gunn had been the one to finalise the paperwork.

“Yes, you found the loophole to terminate our little agreement. If we don’t have the support of your firm, things tend to become a little... messy. Unfortunately, your mate shall be the first to pay”

“Hey! I’m not just his mate! I work too! I probably notarised the fucking document!” You insisted, although you realised halfway through your outburst that keeping silent probably would have been the better option. You looked back at Gunn sheepishly, who just smirked. You hadn’t denied being his mate.

“Your mate looks like a meringue and she... smells like one too” he stated, not addressing you directly. Apparently he meant this as an insult on both counts. You scowled, looking down at your work outfit and deciding if you ever got out of here, the first thing you would do when you got back to your apartment was burn it. You both just stared at the eccentric looking demon, so he spoke again, “Consider this your date with destiny” he sneered and both you and Gunn exchanged a look that read ‘can you believe this guy’. It felt as if you were in a fever dream. It felt like he was manufactured straight from the build-your-own-villain workshop.

“I’m from Sunnydale, my date with destiny has been permanently postponed” you stated as Gunn snickered at your phrasing. He liked how tough you could be married with the sweet-natured woman he has met those years ago. He had expected to have to protect you when he first met you but soon found out you had some moves of your own (you lived in Sunnydale it was that or just lay down in the street after dark and let the demons take you).

The Kronak demon started to back you both against a wall. The wall now grey fencing with barbed wire wrapped around it, rather than the usual brick that had been there before the dimension shift.

“What’re we gonna do?” you hissed, your hand still desperately grasping to his. You swore it must have been breaking his bones but he didn’t complain once. he just wanted you to know he was right by your side.

“It’s cool. I gotta plan”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah - Run!” 

He pulled your hand with him and you did. You ran through the cobbled streets and narrow pathways. You jumped over turnstiles and ducked under hedges to try and find a way to well, anywhere. The most unusual thing you noted is that there were no buildings. No concrete structures. You could see land for miles. there were massive holes in the ground, as if gigantic moles had taken over. It was unnerving. The only thing in the entire area that was built up, was the cemetery.

You both turned into the gates, ducking behind a large mausoleum. You huddled together, whispering. You hated cemeteries. Sunnydale had been full of them and you had to excuse yourself if patrolling had brought you there for too long than necessary. They gave you the creeps and reminded you of not only any losses you had experienced, but of the loss that others felt whenever they had to visit. You told Gunn about this, so softly he might have missed it if he hadn’t been paying attention. But he was, even through his panting from running, he was focused on you. Only you. 

He understood and so he opened up to you. he hated cemeteries too. Because of his sister. She didn’t get a proper burial. He had to stake her. You almost choked up, you had never heard this story before. He told you about it all. You wrapped your arms around him as he spoke, willing him to feel the comfort. He spoke of how it made him feel while you hid together. Only the light of the moon guiding your path to this place of death. You started shivering and he took his suit jacket off, draping it around your shoulders. You shrugged it around you as best you could and moved to rest your head against his shoulder. This could be a long night. 

You had both fallen asleep, leaning against each other. You had both agreed to take it in turns to keep watch but one of you must have dozed off during your hour. You were woken by a horrific shriek, one that almost burst one of your eardrums it was so piercing. You both jumped awake, getting up to find three purple mole-men squaring up.

You both stood, back-to-back, your fists raised ready for a fight. If you were going down, you were both going down fighting. With any luck, the demons would be distracted by your horrible outfit and allow you to get some offensive attacks in.

Gunn started to attack any that he could reach, his well-practiced punches landing almost every time. You traded blows too, even took off your shoes and threw them at the demons that had been lunging at you.

You slowly walked a circle, still with your backs facing the other so that you could defend each other the best you could. One ran to tackle you but you grabbed him by the t-shirt and tugged. This left you with a handful of soil-stained material and the demon slightly colder than he was before. There had been at least six joining the fight, but you had thinned the original three.

”That thing - in there. We need it” Gunn dropped his voice for you, before going back in with a punch at one that had run at him. You looked and he had gestured to the bare chest of the demon you had just ripped the t-shirt off of. His chest had an opaque circular compartment, as if you should be able to see his organs. It looked like one of those glass cases that you were supposed to break in case of an emergency. Inside this compartment, was a golden sceptre. The kind royalty would hold whilst sitting atop a throne. That was the key to leaving here.

Of course, the one thing you needed would have to be some impossible to access object that you would have realistically not chance in reaching now that it was a six-on-two fight. 

You manged to duck at the right moment and send one of the demons flying into the other, knocking them both to the ground. One popped up straight away but the other was leaking a bright liquid, like a faulty glow-stick. Must be blood, you figured.

Gunn had taken a shovel from one of the grave sides and used it as a weapon as you carried on using your fists. You had managed to kill the rest through working together. The final mole-man, the one that held the dimension key (the sceptre inside his chest), was now on the floor. Decapitated by Gunn’s shovel. He pulled a face, but still reached inside the demon, his arm now dripping with glow-stick coloured goo. He pulled the golden sceptre out and handed it to you, to your dismay.

“Should get us back” he gestured with his head to the sceptre you were holding that was now glowing an unnatural neon green.

“Roses are overrated anyway” you started to smile, inspecting the object.

“You know it” he said, but he was frowning slightly. He had wanted things to go well, or at least better than tonight had. He knew he had feelings for you for a while, finally able to ask once he found out from Wesley that you weren’t trying to pick between Angel and Spike but instead hoping for the affection of someone else. But the fight never seemed to stop, and he couldn’t even have one night off to explore your feelings together. Although, tonight had showed him that you trusted him implicitly. That you had at least wanted to kiss him. And that he could trust you beyond anything he had ever let himself before. You were the one, he was sure of it. Nevertheless, he was still frowning slightly.

“Hey, I mean it. This, just being here with you - I wouldn’t want to spend my time almost-dying with anyone else” you insist - smiling that smile he had always loved.

“Yeah?”

“Definitely”

“We could stick around check out the bars?” You both looked around at the now desolate land that surrounded you with no buildings in sight - let alone bars.

“I think it’s time to go...” you smile softly, his eyebrows raised at your words. He leaned in, his lips catching yours. The adrenaline still pumping through you now slowly becoming replaced by something new. A light, airy feeling as if you had both discovered something new, that in reality had always existed between you. A sweet, all-encompassing love. You gripped the sceptre in one hand - you had to, but the other hand slowly slid round his side and up his back. He moved in further, cupping your cheek with one hand and holding the sceptre with the other. You were both now subconsciously gripping each other tighter than the glowing object. The most important thing in any dimension being this kiss. This heavenly revelation. An enlightenment only the two of you would ever share. You knew instantly that you loved this man, you couldn’t even attempt to hide it.

By the time you broke apart from your kiss, you were back in the alleyway you had been when you had almost-kissed earlier. You both pulled apart, somewhat reluctantly and slightly breathless. You had felt butterflies whenever he looked at you anyway, but now there was an entire colony inhabiting your stomach. it was fate, you had never been more sure of it.

Something about the way he looked at you after that kiss would remain ingrained in your mind forever, as if you were his entire world. Perhaps this really had been your date with destiny.

[kileyrose-2003]

My Litttle Flower Pt. 2

AN: Hello lovelies! This request was originally request by @lizttzie​ with a continuation by @trueknotlover14. Link to part one is here enjoy and I hope you all enjoy it! I’d like to thank my dear friend @merci-bitch​ for putting up with all my shit while writing this fic and encouraging me to let my writer’s brain go wild. Love you all and hope everything is well.

Warnings: Major character death, violence against children

As you finally drifted off into a peaceful slumber on that mild autumn afternoon all curled up next to Rose, Abra Stone was completely aware of everything around her as she sat in her room on Richland Court. Normally she would of been in school by this hour but she persuaded her parents she was feeling “sick”

She just gotten back home after her little meet up with Dan and had her eyes shut as she laid back on her bed, trying her hardest to focus. She didn’t know what she focusing in particular but she knew had to do something. She had to stop Rose, but it was a dead end. Everytime she thought of something to try and connect her with, she got nothing.

“Uncle Dan?” There was no response.

(Uncle Dan!)

There was a pause and annoyed but short answer in her mind.

(Yes, Abra?)

“I can’t do it.”

(Do what Abra?)

“Find a way to the hat woman.”

(Abra, what did I tell you? They’re going to come back eventually and the more you look for them the worse it’s going to get. You got to leave this people alone. You have to stop all this.)

“I know but don’t you feel the slightest bit angry over what they did to the baseball boy? He’s got a family, Uncle Dan and people who want to see him.” Abra started to tear up a little bit.

(Of course I do, but he shined Abra. Maybe not as bright as you but he did shine and look where it landed him. Just stay out of it, Abra. I don’t want you to get hurt the way that boy did.)

“But I can’t-” The other end went silent and she let out a frustrated sigh. “He deserves some justice.”

(Abra, doesn’t everyone? If we do it for him, we have to do it for everyone and that is not a can of worms we want to open. Let it go. End of discussion.)

“Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan!” There was complete silence and Abra slammed her hands back on the bed. “Dang it!”

…

“Rose, how long should I wait til I grab the kid?” Barry grunted and he threw the stakes Crow always carried with him onto the ground. “Give it 5 to 10 minutes. I have to grab the canisters quick. Anyone see Y/n?”

The door to Rose’s trailer swung open and stepped out, wearing a pair of beat up jeans with your favorite t shirt. “Sorry Rosie, I was reading.”

“You’re fine, my flower. I just didn’t know where you were.” She pressed a kiss to your hair and gave you a quick hug. “Go help your aunts and uncle’s please?” You gave a slight nod. “Yes, Rosie.”

“Good girl.” She placed a kiss against your cheek and walked into her RV. You walked over by Crow who was fiddling with the knife in his hands. “Hi Crow.”

“Hi sweetie.” He looked slightly flustered. “Where the hell did I put it?” You furrowed your brows. “Put what?” You asked softly. “The sharpening block.” You seen it popping out of the pocket in his jeans and pointed to it. “Losing my mind, thanks darling.”

He knelt down to kiss your forehead and noticed your vacant face. “What’s the matter, little flower?” He tenderly held your tiny hands in his.

“I don’t like this Crow..” You muttered as you buried head into the soft fabric of his tank top. “I know, but think of all the positives that come from this.” He had to speak a bit louder to overtalk the hammering of the metal stakes into the ground.

“I know but I don’t like seeing it.” He let out a sigh and gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze before standing back up. “It’ll be alright.”

You heard footsteps and noticed Rose was standing behind you, stretching her arms. “You ready?” Crow nodded and Rose clapped her hands. “We’re ready.” You seen Barry walking towards the van and then came the pleas.

“No! No! No! Please, don’t-” You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard the boy scream. “No please let me go! I won’t tell! I won’t tell! Please.” You felt a hand gently rub your and you and you noticed Diesel Doug standing infront of you. “You okay?” You nodded with tears in your eyes and he scooped you up. “Come on, little darling.”

As he carried you over by the group you could hear Rose speaking. “Pain purifies steam, fear too, so now you understand.”

“No! No-” The sound of husky barks radiated through the air and you knew what was happening. You could smell the steam pouring out of him. You didn’t want it though. Something was wrong. Your mind wasn’t your own. Clinging to Doug’s shirt tighter you hesitantly reached out to him.

(Hello?)

Nothing.

(Can you hear me?)

Their was a moment of silence and finally you got something.

(I hear you. Look at me.)

You didn’t want to look at him though. Tears poured from your eyes and you sniffled.

(It’s okay, I promise.)

Ever so slowly, you turned your head and looked into the baseball boy’s eyes. Except this time it wasn’t him you were looking at. There was a girl older than you on the other side and she was strong. Horribly strong.

(Are they hurting you too?)

You could feel her trying to go through your mind and you let out a yell. “NO! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” The earth around you began to fall and you felt like you were free falling.

(Come back! I just want to help you! Why won’t you let me-)

“Y/n!!” You felt a pair of hands shaking you and you let out a sob. “No, no! I don’t want to talk. Just leave me alone! I can’t look at you. I don’t want to see you..”

You choked on your own words and you felt a pair of arms wrap around you. You breathed in the smell of their clothes and realized from the earthy scent, it was Rose. “Shh..it’s okay. I’m right here. Mama’s right here.”

You let out a whine and nuzzled closely to her. “Bad dream?” You sniffled and nodded your head. “Except it was like it wasn’t though. It was like there was someone inside me..”

“Shh..I know, I know.” Rose stood up with you in her arms and rocked you back and forth. “It was scary!” She shushed you again and nuzzled you close to her chest. “I know but that’s all gone. Mama’s got you now. I got you.” You looked out the window and noticed it was dark outside. “Where’s Crow and what time is it?”

“Almost dinner.” You wiped your eyes and laid your head against where her heart was and listened to the beat. “We slept that long?”

“You did. Crow left a little while ago because he had some things to check on but I’ve been up for a few hours now. Mama needed a little meditation time.” She pressed a kiss against your temples.

“Why?” She gave you a gentle squeeze. “No reason you need to worry about. I have to go up to the watch tower for a little bit though.” You gave a polite nod and Rose gently set you down on your feet. “Can I come with you?”

“No, my flower.” You let out a whine. But mama!-“ Rose interrupted you "No buts.”

“Why can’t I come with you tho-”

“Because this is something mama needs to focus on, on her own. Alright?” Rose forced you to meet her eye. “Is it for steam?” You could tell Rose was trying to get away from all your questions. “Yes, it is. Now don’t worry about it. Remember what I told you earlier? About the steam?”

“You’re going to fix it.”

“That’s right.” She kissed your cheeks and gave you a quick hug. “I love you honey. You know that, right?” She asked. “Yes, mama.”

“Good.” She released you from her embrace and patted your back. “Now go on.” With a tiny pout you walked outside, joining the other members of The Knot by the campfire.

….

Meanwhile miles away, Abra was sitting on her bed. Quietly talking to Dan on the phone. “Abra, you’re sure you weren’t seeing a past memory or something? Because if a little girl was really there, I feel like you would of seen her and she’d probably be dead by now.”

“No. I’m telling you. She was there and alive. She could hear me. She talked to me,” Abra insisted. “Well what did she say?”

“She told me to get out of her head, sorta the way I did to Rose. She looked so scared Uncle Dan. Except this time it didn’t feel as good to see her scared. I felt sorry for her.”

“Is she human or-”

“I don’t know. I think she’s human.”

“Abra, if what you’re saying is true they’re probably keeping that girl hostage and they’re going to kill.”

“I know,” She said softly. “We have to get her out, Abra.”

“But how?”

“What do you mean, but how? Abra, if they’re keeping her hostage the poor girl must be terrified.” Abra didn’t have to be infront of Dan to know he was confused.

“One of them was holding her, Uncle Dan.”

“What?”

“I think they brainwashed her.”

…

Meanwhile the True Knot’s bonfire burned bright with the setting sun as you sat in Silent Sarey’s lap as she brushed out the pieces of your hair that Rose didn’t braid. She never spoke to you, physically at least, but she always kind and sweet to you when she did through your mind and you returned the kindness in return.

Despite the chaos going on around you, you felt content. The fire was keeping you warm and you had no reason to complain.

Sarey placed a kiss on your forehead as she finished running your brush through the ends of your hair.

(Your hair is so pretty, Y/n. It’s so soft and thick.)

(Thanks, Aunt Sarey.)

She set your brush down in your lap pulled your back close to her chest, giving you a gentle hug. “Love you, Aunt Sarey.” She began to release you from her grasp.

(Love you t-)

Before she could finish her sentence you felt a pair of hands roughly seize your shoulders and you let out a scream.

“God damn it, Barry! Stop scaring the poor girl!” Apron Annie scolded. He let out a laugh and stole you out of her arms. “I’m just having some fun with her. Aren’t I, Y/n?”

You furrowed your brows and narrowed your eyes at him in a sour expression that Rose would of surely been proud of. “I don’t like it,” You pouted. His expression softened slightly and he hugged you. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“Yes, you will.” Your tone was teasing and Barry chuckled softly. “Yeah, you’re right. I will.” You smiled slightly as he set you down your feet. “Did ya eat yet?”

“Yes, sir.” He plopped a kiss to your hair and sat down in one of the cheap lawn chairs, pulling you close to him. “You get any farther on Othello?”

You shook your head and he grabbed his copy of the book from the little holder he had on the side of his chair along with a pair of reading glasses. “Let us proceed then.”

Normally you weren’t the fondest of Barry but he was a good story teller and when he wasn’t in a pissey mood, he was affection with you. Tonight seemed to be one times and you didn’t mind. You didn’t Grampa Flick, Diesel Doug, or Short Eddie around camp.

“…and Iago replies with: I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.” Barry chuckled at the quote and you furrowed your brow. “What does that mean, Uncle Barry?”

“Nothing you got to worry about, doll. Just an adult joke, that’s all.” You nodded and he reached into his pocket for a bookmark. “Anyways, that’s enough for Iago right now.”

“Aww, really?” You pouted. “Yes, because it is bedtime for you little miss.” Crow took you out of Barry’s arm and you nuzzled closely to him. “But I’m not even tired!”

“Then I’ll find the TV remote in Rosie’s trailer and you can watch TV until you fall asleep.” You let out a tiny huff and Crow chuckled. “Will you at least stay with me til mama comes back?”

Andi raised an eyebrow at hearing you call Rose that but brushed it aside. “Yes, I’ll stay with you. Now say goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight guys!” You received a chorus back ‘Night!’ and 'Love you!’ Which you returned before Crow started carrying you to Rose’s trailer.

“So Y/n, I haven’t exactly done this with you before. Do you and Rosie have some sort of routine you guys follow?” You shook your head. “No, I just change into my pajamas and then she-”

Crow shushed you and you furrowed your brows. “What’s the matter?” You asked. “Did you hear something?”

“No…did you?” He shrugged it off. “I could of sworn I heard-” Before he could even finish his sentence Rose came tumbling off the top of the watch tower and you let out a scream.

“Oh Jesus.” Crow set you down on your feet and went running over. “Rosie!” She sat up on the ground with a bewildered look. Her face had a slight scratch on it and she was panting. “Trap! Trap!”

“Mama!” You sprinted over by Rose and knelt down to her level. “Mama, are you okay?” She held onto your wrist to catch her balance as she stood up and you noticed her hand. The skin was practically peeling off of it and you let out a scream. “Oh my god! Mama, your hand.”

“I know about my fucking hand!” She snapped. “Rose.” Crow gave her a mild look reproof but said nothing. “J-just get her away from me!” By that point Andi was already standing next to you and she scooped you up in her arms.

You were a little taken aback by it. Sure, Rose had her moments for being bitchy but she never yelled at you like that before nor did she ever push you away either. “You okay?” Andi looked you up and down and nodded, wrapping your tiny arms arms around her neck.

“Oh god damn it,” Rose moaned. Andi also noticed the injury. “Rose, your-”

“Oh will the both of just the hell up! I know!” Rose looked down at the blood and hissed. “What happened?” Crow asked. “She got inside of my head!” He looked confused. “What?”

“I went to look for her and the little bitch set a trap! She got in my head.” You noticed the brokenness in Rose’s eye and you felt like you wanted to throw up.

“How long was she in there?”

“I don’t know!”

“How much does she know?”

“Oh god damn it Crow! I don’t know. All I know is I want a fucking pill!” Your eyes started to tear up and Andi forced your head onto her chest.

(If she sees you crying, she’ll lose her shit.)

(I-i can’t help it!)

(I know but remember that Disney movie we went to see? The one with ice princess?)

(Frozen?)

(Yeah, whatever the fuck. Conceal don’t feel okay? You can do that for a little while right?)

You nodded and nuzzled closely to her as you heard the crunching of behind you. “We got a problem.” It was Barry, but he didn’t sound like his normal self. He almost sounded..sad. “Not now! Andi, give her to me!” Rose gestured for her to hand you over and Andi immediately complied.

Rose placed a kiss on the top of your head. You could feel the blood on her hand soaking the side of your sundress. “It’s Grampa Flick. I think he’s cycling.” You felt Rose’s posture stiffen and she set you down on the ground. You could see the madness in her eyes and it made you feel so small and alone. “Mama, what’s the matter?”

“Y/n, go inside please!”

“Ma-”

“Don’t question, just go!” You knew well enough to not argue with Rose when she had that tone in her voice and you turned on both heels to go back her trailer. You could hear mumbling something about Grampa Flick underneath her breath as she walked away.

You set your little foot up on the first step to the trailer and looked back. She was eyeshot now. You knew you should probably just listen to Rose and go inside but you wanted to know what was going on.

Quietly, you stepped away from the stairs and ran over to the side of her RV that was nearest to the True’s bonfire and peaked your head that way you could see what was going on. You could see Crow standing next to Barry in the distance and you leaned forward to see more.

…

“Uncle Dan, have you lost your mind. They’re going to notice us!” Abra whisper yelled. “No they’re not. They’re all distracted.” He was holding a pair night vision goggles up to his face as he attempted to stop you out. “What did you say her name was again?”

“Y/n and she’s six I think.” Dan narrowed her eyes. “She have Y/c/h?” Abra shrugged. “I think so.” He lowered the goggles. “Then I found her.” He stood up from his kneeling position on the ground. “Come on.”

“You think we’ll be okay to just walk right up to her? Uncle Dan, she thinks they’re the good guys. If we just take her away from Rose, she might get upset.” Abra stood up. “Once she’s things our ways, she won’t be so upset. Just remember be nice and gentle.”

…

“Did anyone say you’re immortal? I said eat well, live long.” You felt the pit of your stomach drop as you heard Rose talk in the distance followed by an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Your grandpa was strong. You couldn’t-you wouldn’t lose your grandfather.

(Grampa?)

Nothing.

(Grampa?)

Instead of being greeted by a voice in your head you felt a hand gently rest on your shoulder. You turned around, preparing yourself to have to give an apology to whatever member of The True it was that was standing behind you but you didn’t know this person. They were a stranger and they were a man.

“W-who are you and what are you doing here?” You asked quietly, trying to keep your cool. “Shh..it’s okay. I’m not going to let them hurt you. I’m here to help you.”

“Hurt me? What are you even talking-” You seen Abra standing behind him and your eyes went wide with panic. You knew her. She was the looker and based on what you seen happened to Rose’s hand you didn’t want to be anywhere near her.

(Mama. Mama, I need you.)

“She’s not your mother, Y/n. We’re here to take you away from all this Y/n. We’re here to help you.” You felt terrified. They thought you were their food. For a moment you debated on telling him you weren’t but you couldn’t do that either. He’d kill you if he knew the truth. He wanted to kill all of you.

“I-i-” You stood their for a moment and looked at the bonfire out of the corner of your eyes and decided you’d rather deal with an hour of yelling from Rose about not listening to her than playing Russian Roulette with Dan for your life. “MOM!”

“Y/n?! Y/n, my flower! What’s wrong?” You could hear Rose running up hill and Danny cursed. You looked him in the eye. He knew the truth now. You were fucked. “W-what do we do?!” Abra screamed.

“Run! We fucking run!” He lifted you up in his arms and you let out a scream. “No! Let go of me! Let go!” You kicked him in the side. “Abra, open the car door when you get their. "Y/n?!”

“Mama! Don’t let him take-” Dan shoved you in the back of the car and locked the door before getting in on the driver side.

“Don’t let him take you where? Honey, where are you?” Car lights briefly flashed in front of The Knot’s eyes by the time they made it to where you were and Rose’s face dropped.

The rain began to fall and her knees went weak. “Rosie…you okay?” Crow looked like he was about to cry. The whole knot did.

She stared down at the ground for the moment, rethinking all 700 years she was alive over. “I-” Her voice cracked and she let out a scream as she flung herself into Crow’s legs. Holding onto the torn fabric that was his favorite pair of jeans. “I lost her! I lost the baby..”

…

Meanwhile you were crying hysterically as Dan interrogated you from the driver seat of the car. “Is this all some sort of sick shit game you fucks like to play on kids?!”

“Uncle Dan!”

“No, Abra! Well, is it Y/n?” You buried your head in your knees and rocked yourself back and forth. “I just wanna go home..” Dan sighed and roughly patted his hands on the steering wheel. “Don’t we all?”

“Dan,” Abra scolded. “What?” He turned to look at her. “Stop. She’s six years old. Physically at least. Do you think she had a choice about this. She hasn’t killed anyone. Even if she is one of them, it’s not her fault.”

“I know. It’s just-” Dan let out a sigh. “Oh god damn it! We just messed with the wrong people and we especially just messed with the wrong bitch. We just took the Queen Bitch of the Castle Hell’s Spawn. We’re at the point of no return now. We have each other but we’re not numbered.”

“So what are we going to do? Can’t we just leave her somewhere or bring her back home while they’re all sleeping or something? I’d rather go with them then let you or anyone else get hurt. It’s bad enough I already ran away. I can’t even imagine what my parents are going to say.”

“I know..I know. Just..let me figure something out. I’ll figure it out.” He looked at you from his interior mirror. “Eventually.”

…

You didn’t know how long you were asleep for when you felt a cold rush of snowy breeze brush against the sides of your face. Despite how puffy and tired your eyes felt from all the crying you did, you opened them and seen a large broken down old hotel in front of you and you felt your heart drop.

Visions of blood and murder flashed in front of your eyes and you felt your anxiety rise deep inside you. The car door opened and Danny was standing by your side. “I-i don’t want to go in there.”

He refused to respond to you and lifted you up. “No! No! No! Stop! There are bad things in there. Bad things none of us should see!” You kicked and screamed with all your might to try and stop him but it was no use.

“You found the room key?” He asked Abra once he was in the front hall. “237.” Abra confirmed. 237. The number sank in your mind and you seen Mrs. Massey in your head. Her rotting body floating above the water.

“No! No! You can’t put me in there! T-they’re going to hurt me.” He maneuvered you in his arms as he walked up the steps that way he was holding you like a football and refused to look you in the eye. “It’s not my fault! It’s not my fault!”

Abra felt her heart cracking into two and stood in front of the beginning to rot wooden door. “Abra, open the door.” She didn’t say anything back.

“Abra?” He asked. “I-i can’t. This isn’t right, Uncle Dan!”

“Abra, she’s one of them! If we let her run lose she’s going to kill us!” Dan exclaimed. “And if we’re going to put her in there, we’re going to kill her!”

Before Dan had a chance to argue with Abra he noticed lights shining in through the hotel’s window and cursed. “Shit. We have company.”

“What do we do?” Dan thought about it for a moment. “Go downstairs. I’ll be there in a minute.” Once Abra was gone he turned the light on 237 and dropped you on the bed. “I’ll be back.”

“No! Dan! No! No-” He slammed in your face and you screamed out of frustration.

…

The clicking of high heeled boots echoed through the halls of the Overlook Hotel and Abra squeezed her eyes shut.

(I’m scared.)

Dan waited a while before responding.

(I know but we’re going to be okay. I promise.)

“Promises? Such a paradoxical concept you rubes cling to like.” The hairs on Abra’s neck and Dan gripped his axe tighter as he seen a pair of glowing blue eyes looking at him through the shadows. “Well, well, well..hi there!”

(When this starts, run.)

“Oh yes, you run dear and then I’ll find you and you will scream for years until you die.” Rose found herself smiling despite the situation. “We’ll see who does the screaming.”

“Oh yes, we’ll see indeed.” She traced her fingers over Jack’s typewriter. “You should be afraid, you know?” Rose furrowed her brows. “And why is that?”

“Because you don’t know where you’re standing and who you’re dealing with.” Rose laughed. “Handsome, you really have no idea of who you’re dealing with do you? I’m the Queen Bitch of the Castle Hell and I’ll make you suffer for the rest of time.”

“Strong words for someone who’s all alone,” He spat back with equal contempt. “She’s not.” Members of The True Knot started stepping out from dark corners of the room and Dan did a full 360 to look at the room around him. “You see, you have something of ours and we want it back. Now.”

“No.” Dan stood his ground and Rose’s smile faltered. “No?” She parroted. “I’ll never give her to you. You sick fucks don’t deserve to have children. Not with what you do.”

The Knot laughed and Rose began to step forward. “Oh honey, you speak of things you know nothing about..Danny? That’s your name, isn’t it?” He gripped the ax in his hands a little bit tighter. “Yeah. What’s it to you?”

“It seems to me that you haven’t had the smoothest life their, Danny boy. You’re steamy alright, but it’s polluted. Growing up spoils that. I can help you with that though. Give me the bitch child and my Y/n and I���ll fix all of that. Trust me, you’ll never want for a thing for the rest of your life. All you have to do, is give me the two of them.”

“Fuck off.” He went to punch her in the face but Rose caught his fist. His eyes turned to confusion and he began to squirm. “My, what a temper you have. So fiery, such passion!” She shoved him against the ground.

“Where is she?!” She screamed. “I-i won’t tell you!” Dan groaned. The sound of his head smashing against the solid stairs radiated through the room. “Want to tell me now?”

“Rosie-”

“Don’t back talk to me, Crow! I’ll fucking kill him! I’ll fucking kill you too if I have too.” Rose screamed. By that point Abra ran off and not even Rose cared where she went. “If you break his skull open we won’t get an answer from him. So you have to wait a little while to do that yet,”

Rose huffed and stared down at a now groaning Dan with those haunting blue eyes as she pulled her knife out of her pocket. “So are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?”

“I won’t tell..” He glared at her. “Pity.” This time when she slammed his head back she also dug her knife deep into the femoral artery in his leg. A puff of steam came out of his mouth and The Knot all trembled inwardly.

Barry licked his lips as if he wanted to take his steam right then and there but Annie gave him a look as if to say 'Not now’

“Now you want to tell me?” Danny coughed and hissed in pain. “No!” This time when his head hit the stairs there was a significant cracking noise.

Rose gave into temptation and sucked in part of the steam and she did, images of the hotel flashed in her head. “So much pain all your life, huh?”

He let out a cry and winced. He had to stop them. Even if that meant he got himself killed. The next blow blended in with all the rest and he let the now crowding around Knot begin to eat him. This time was different than the last though.

“Wait!” A satisfied smirk graced his face. “He’s not alone in there.” He could see Crow furrowing his brows. “Isn’t that impossible?” Barry manhandled his way through all of them. “Watch it asshole!” Andi slapped the side of his head.

“What do you got in their bud? Some special friends?” He laughed, thinking the whole thing was ludicrous. Danny smirked despite the gash in the pain of his head and the massive headache. “They’re not special. They’re starving.”

Crow felt the boxes open before he seen it and he pulled Rose back as the ghost from the Overlook left their traps.

“What the fuck?” Barry chuckled at first, thinking it was. “Should we-” Andi gestured to grab him and Short Eddie shook his head. “Barry..” He tried to warn him. “What parlor trick is this?”

He accidentally bumped into Mrs. Massey’s arms and the old ghost tackled him to the floor. “W-what is happening?” Rose asked. “I don’t know.”

“AAH! Make it stop! Make it stop!” Barry yelped as rotten hands began to make their way underneath his skin. “Shit.” Andi chuckled nervously. His skin began to morph and disfigured and Silent Sarey winced.

His screams began to grow louder and louder and finally it stopped. All that was left of Barry was his pile of clothes.

For a moment Rose was afraid that the ghost were going to turn towards them but instead they turned their gaze to Danny. “Crow?”

“Yes Rosie?” He asked. “Do you think you can handle getting Y/n?” Crow nodded. “I can try.”

“Go, now. I’m going to get the caravan to the front of the building.” She pressed a kiss to his temple and before he knew it she was already gone. He could smell smoke coming from some part of the building and breathed inwardly. “Okay Y/n..let’s see how this works.”

….

As Crow walked through the Overlook he left like he had eyes on his back. It was clearly obvious to him that the hotel had seen a lot of bloodshed but why he felt followed he didn’t know.

(Y/n?)

Nothing.

(Y/n?)

(I’m in here!)

Crow stopped dead in his tracks. “Where?” You pushed on the door with all your might to try and give him a sign, silently praying not to catch anyone’s attention at the same time.

“Y/n!” Crow ran towards the door and jiggled the knob the a few times before he noticed the lock on the door. “Fucking rubes.” You let out a cry and curled up by the corner of the door. Crow let out a sigh and placed a hand on the wooden barrier between the two of you. “I’m never going to get to home.”

“Y/n..don’t cry. I’m going to get you out of here.” You hitched a sob and wiped some your burning tears away. “Where’s mama? I want mama.” Crow rubbed his face, trying to keep calm. “Outside. Look, I’m going to try something, alright so I need you to just back away from the door.”

“Okay..” You sat on the bed, curling your knees up to your chest. There was silence for a few moments and you got nervous. “Daddy! Are you-”

BANG!

You let out a scream and the door swung open. “There we go!” Crow’s voice sounded almost doting. “Isn’t that much better?” You let out a nervous chuckle through the tears and before you knew it, you felt hands lifting you up by your armpits. You wrapped your tiny arms around Crow’s neck and nuzzled closely to him. “My Y/n.” His mustache and beard tickled you as he planted a kiss on your cheek.

“I though I wasn’t going to see any of you again.” His grip around you tightened. “I wouldn’t let that happen. None of us would let that happen.” You hitched a sob and held onto him tightly.

“I’m scared!” You whisper yelled. “Don’t be.” You shook your head. “They want to hurt all of you. They know who we are and-”

“I know, I know and mama is going to handle that but-look, I’m going to get you out of here.” You wiped your eyes. “B-but what about you? There’s smoke coming from the vents.”

“I’m coming with you but if there is for some odd reason a circumstance that makes me stuck, I’ll be fine. Got it?” You nodded and he carried you out of the room. “Now, come on. Let’s get you out of here.”

As you rounded the corner a grabbed at the ends of your hair and twisted it. “Oww,” You whined and tried to pull away from the source of tugging. "Step back.” 

It was Danny. Except it wasn’t really him though. It was something more sinister that had taken control after laying dormant the whole night. His eyes locked with yours and even though you were almost immortal, in that moment you became so aware that the man in front of you could probably kill you if he wanted to. You gripped onto Crow’s shirt even tighter. “Daddy?” You whispered softly.

(Everything is going to be fine, Y/n.)

“Give her to me.” Crow’s hand grasped yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. “She’s not going anywhere. She’s coming with us.” His tone was defensive. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

Danny walked towards the two of you and raised his ax as he was going to swing at the both. “Say goodnight.” You screamed and squeezed your eyes shut not wanting to see what was going to happen you but then nothing happened.

“Stop.” You slowly opened your eyes and seen Andi standing in front of you. To your surprise whatever it was that was living in Dan did stop and you felt relieved. “I just got one question for you sweetie. Aren’t you sleepy? You’re sleepy.” Dan's knees began to give in. “Sleep!”

“They’ll kill you all if I don’t,” The hotel laughed in a last effort to gain control. “Sleep!” The Overlook slowly lost control of Dan and his eyes shut momentarily.

Crow set you down and Andi locked eyes with you. “Run.” It was ‘t a question. It was a command and you obeyed without question.

You could hear Danny in the distance as he regained control of his body. “Wha-what happened?”

“So, you get kicks off of tormenting young girls.”

“What?! No! No! I-” There was a single yell and you didn’t have to be within eye distance to know what they were doing to Danny. As you got the lobby flames started to turn the once white walls to charcoal black and for the firs time in years the Overlook Hotel shined bright like the star it used to be.

“Y/n?” A hint of a smile graced your face and you ran. “Mama! Mama!” Rose scooped you up the second she was within arms reach of you and cradled the back of your head to try and protect you from the blowing snow. “My flower.” She peppered your face in kisses and held you close as you cried. “You’re okay?” She scanned your body up and down for injuries and you gripped onto her shirt tightly. “H-he tried to kill me!”

“I know but that’s all over. We’ve all got you and we’re never going to let you go.” You felt the heat of numerous bodies press against you and you buried your head in Rose’s chest. “Wait! Did daddy make it out-”

“I’m fine. Andi’s fine. We’re all fine.”

(Besides Barry.)

He didn’t have to tell you that though. You felt it before. Despite feeling safe there was this underlying sorrow in the air. “What are we going to do now?” None of The Knot seen Abra after she took off earlier and whether she survived or shined bright in the fire with Dan, no one knew but that didn’t matter now.

By that point a majority of The Knot stepped away from you but Rose and Crow still had their arms wrapped around you tightly. “I don’t know. We have to leave. That’s for sure because the rubes are bound to notice this eventually and we’ve lost family tonight but we still have each other and that’s all that matters. Okay?”

“Okay.” Rose passed you off to each on of your aunts and uncles who have gave you a hug before you ended up back in her arms again. 

“I love you, my little flower.”

“I love you too mama. I love you too.”

[charmingdissonance]

It Always Comes Back to Chips

My first Doctor Who fanfic that I’m ‘publishing’. A little nervous to put it out there, but hopefully someone enjoys it. I just like writing blurbs about my OTP because they are amazing. If you’re so inclined, let me know what you think? <3

The psychic paper had led him to exactly here and there wasn’t a soul in sight. He followed the coordinates and found himself in the middle of London 2014, standing in front of the exact chippy he had visited with her all those years ago. Their first date. They had chips, her treat. His hearts clenched as he remembered, his face contorting into an awful grimace, like there was a bad taste in his mouth. And something certainly had left a bad taste.

He walked away from the chippy, absently kicking at a rock, scuffing his trainer on the pavement. He slumped onto a nearby bench, too distracted to notice anyone there. He sighed heavily as he ran his fingers through his hair. Five years. It had been five years since he left her on that beach with his double, the metacrisis Doctor. He thought he was being the bigger man, giving Rose the life she wanted. Him and the slow path all in one. But he had been a coward, too afraid to face his feelings. Too afraid to hold on to her tight to only lose her to time and age one day. Humans wither and die,he had told her. She had promised him forever, but he rejected it. He really had just wanted her to be happy, and that resulted in his misery.

Maybe it was a false alarm. A wrong number of sorts?  Or maybe he was just subconsciously torturing himself by visiting their old haunts. Either way, he wasn't happy about it. He sighed again audibly.

“Chip for your thoughts?” A female voice came out of nowhere, startling him a little. Not much feeling up to talking, he shook his head and gave her a sideways glance.

“Nah, thanks anyway. Bit too complicated to just-” he began, but found himself stopped mid-sentence. As he turned to gaze upon her properly, her features began to register. He knew that face, that smile.

“But...what?! How...what??” he cried, clearly in shock.

She reached out tentatively, her hand shaking as she touched his cheek, gently caressing her thumb over it. His eyes drank her in like a dying man finally reaching water. She still looked the same. Her hair was a bit darker, but still blonde. More natural. It fell in long waves, the way it was when she didn't blow dry it.  And she wore less makeup. But her smile could still outshine a million suns, and those eyes. Those warm brown pools that were flecked by tiny bits of gold. He fell into them, drowning in their familiar beauty.

“Rose,” he whispered, nuzzling his scruffy cheek against her impossibly soft touch. “How?”

She looked around a bit, withdrawing from him, and shook her head. Standing up suddenly and looking down at him.

“Not here. Can we go to her?” She held her hand out to him and immediately he took it, lacing his fingers with hers, nodding dumbly.

They hurried to the TARDIS, hand in hand just as they always had. It felt so natural, so right. Oh how he had missed this! When they arrived at the familiar blue box, Rose turned to him excitedly.

“Could I…?” she asked, tilting her head toward the ship's door.

For the first time he beamed at her, nodding. She gave a little giggle, her excitement contagious. She pulled her TARDIS key from beneath her shirt, just as she had always kept it. Close to her heart, as she had once told him. Rose turned her key slowly and slowly pushed open the door. Taking a deep breath, she stepped inside and was greeted with glowing lights and a distinctly happy hum coming from the ship. Rose rushed up the ramp and hugged one of the coral struts. Then she rushed toward the center of the control room.

“Oh hello you darling, gorgeous girl! I've missed you so” Rose cooed as she circled the console, stroking its surface lovingly. The ship responded in kind, clearly just as happy to see Rose. She turned sharply and looked at the Doctor beaming.

“She's as wonderful as ever!”

The Doctor watched as Rose got reacquainted with the ship, grinning brightly, hands in pockets. It really was a glorious sight to see- Rose Tyler back in the TARDIS.

“Well, very clearly, she is very happy to see you...speaking of which, so am I. But I still can't help but wonder how and why you're here.”

His expression had sobered and he was starting at her intently. Taking another deep breath, Rose walked toward the Doctor. Slowly she brought up her gaze to meet his.

“I guess I have a bit of explaining to do, yeah?” Her tone was soft, and the Doctor could sense she was holding back a great deal of emotion.

He smiled gently, then tugging on his ear. “Wellllllll, maybe just a bit, yeah. Might be nice. Mind if I launch us Vortex for a bit of privacy?” He raised his eyebrows in question, approaching the console.

Rose's widened as she nodded with great enthusiasm. “Oh yes, please do…”

He grinned at her again, doing his twists and turns and pulls of all the proper knobs and levers, and then looked up at her, eyeing the final switch and nodded. She giggled gleefully, sporting that tongue in teeth grin as she threw the dematerialization switch, sending them spinning into the Vortex. Rose laughed loudly as it made that familiar old wheezing sound that was distinct to only the TARDIS.

Once they were safe and sound in the Vortex, they each took a seat in the galley and settled down for a much needed talk. The Doctor had brewed some tea and handed Rose a cup.

“First of all, I suppose I should tell you it's been a long time since for me. Things changed in Pete's world,” she said.

Rose began to explain how a major asteroid collision had tilted Earth on its axis and caused time to move at a different rate. After several natural disasters, and a lot of recovery and aid work for damaged areas, they began to notice the passage of time had changed.  She talked about years of working for Torchwood and then as an independent intergalactic negotiator. The Doctor was puzzled by all of this.

“How long has it been, Rose?” he asked, eyebrows knitted together. She looked at him, her eyes filled with sadness.

“It's been nearly 40 years for me, Doctor.”

He gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find the right words. He was trying to show some measure of tact, but that was difficult where he was concerned.

“What about...him?” he blurted out. She stared at him for a moment then smiled sadly.

“Jon. Jonathan Noble, proper. Though everyone still called him Doctor. Died in the line of duty. Fifteen years ago. There were hostile Baldatheons and he took a shot to the heart. He died protecting me.”

His face fell and he reached out to her, taking her hands in his. “Oh Rose, I'm so so sorry.”

“Thank you, really. It was difficult, but time heals, as they say. I’ll always have him in my heart, and I will always miss him,” she said fondly. And then she stopped to look up at the Doctor again. “ He made me promise to come and find you if anything ever happened to him.”

"My poor Rose, you've lost so much. I'm so so sorry," he said sadly.

Her eyes were glassy with tears as she squeezed his hands in return, letting loose a deep sigh. His words were real and sincere. He hated to think of her having to go through losing him...losing Jon. The very thought of her dying was enough to stop his hearts. To have gone through that, to see someone you love die before your eyes, that was a pain no one should have to bear.

Rose went on and talked about her parents and how she had lost them over time. Pete had a heart attack at 75 and her mother succumbed to cancer when she was 82. That left her little brother, who was a grown man by this time, with a family of his own. Something else struck the Doctor suddenly and he stared at her in silence for a moment, surveying her features. She hadn’t aged a day. Rose scowled and sighed.

“So you noticed, then,” she said quietly, avoiding his eyes.

“That you haven’t aged since the last time I saw you. Yu-p,” he said, popping his “p” distinctly.

Rose nodded and swallowed hard. “Jon did extensive tests, found out that I seemed to have developed superhuman status of sorts. Human plus, he called it. I have a superior immune system, heal almost instantly, and don’t age like a normal human. Don’t have laser eyes or anything, though,” she said with a half laugh, trying to lighten the mood. The Doctor didn’t laugh.

“But how…?” he stammered. And then it hit him. “Bad Wolf.”

Rose nodded solemnly. “Seems she did everything she could to make sure I ended up right back here in the end.”

She explained how she had eventually acquired a dimension cannon and decided to take a chance to see if it would work for her at least one last time. After some research and months of trying, she finally managed to get through the void and to their home universe.

“Did it come out in Norway again?” he asked, remembering Dårlig Ulv-Stranden and that last day he saw her.

She laughed a little. “Nope,” she said popping her “p” in return. “The rift in Cardiff. There’s an even bigger on in the Cardiff there! Didn’t think of that until I attempted the jump about thirty times. And just so happens my hunch was right!”

The Doctor grinned and laughed. “Rose Tyler, you’re brilliant you are.”  

She smiled back at him. They held their gaze for a long time before breaking eye contact, each blushing a little. It hadn’t quite sunk in that they were in the same room, let alone the same universe. He was still in utter disbelief. Rose Tyler was right here, with him. His precious pink and yellow human. They talked for awhile more, catching up on miscellaneous areas of their respective lives. The conversation was friendly, casual, but far too detatched for the Doctor’s liking.

Rose was holding back. Then he realized. She didn’t intend on staying. This was just a one off thing, and then she would be gone again. No...no! He couldn’t stand the thought of that. It wasn’t fair… he had waited. It was their turn, dammit! For once he wanted to be the selfish one. He wanted to be with Rose!

His hearts began to race and his blood pressure rose. He became visibly flustered, pushing his hand through his hand and rubbing the back of his neck. Rose watched him fidgeting,  her brow furrowed and eyes filled with question.

“ Doctor, ‘s something wrong?” she asked, her voice filled with concern as she reached out to touch his hand. And then her expression shifted, as if she suddenly understood something.

“Is it your companion? Or friend, rather? Is someone waiting on you? Though, I know time machine and all, but if I took you away from something important, I’m so so sorry!” she said, standing, and now looking a little flustered herself.

He blinked at her dumbly, not saying a word, completely confused by what she was saying. Rose mistook his silence to mean something else all together.

“Or...oh God...you’re with someone, aren’t you? And here I just show up out of nowhere after years, just expecting…” she stammered, now losing some of the firm grip she had had on her emotions. Her words made the Doctor’s ears perk.

“Just expecting what?” he asked eagerly, standing now.

She slowly raised her eyes and met his stare. “To come back.”

“Do you want to come back?” he asked, his hearts pounding in his ears.

She held his gaze. “Yes. But do you want me back?”

His expression softened. “Oh yes!”

She broke into the biggest smile he had ever seen. Then in that instant he  closed the distance between them and pulled her into a tight embrace, lifting her off her feet and holding her to him. Rose returned his embraced with equal gusto, clinging to him as tears slid down her cheeks. When he finally put her down, they stood face to face, arms still around each other. He rest his forehead against hers and looked deep into her eyes.

“And Rose...so you know.. There was never anyone else. You know about everyone I traveled with. But there was never anyone that could replace  you,” he said softly, bringing a hand to her cheek.

“Doctor... no matter what has happened, no matter where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, I never stopped loving you. And I don’t regret my time with Jon. He was an amazing man and I loved him. But I never stopped loving you,” she admitted, teary eyed. Then she gave a watery laugh. “Though ya did right piss me off. No leaving me behind this time, yeah?”

He pulled her in closer to him, so close he could feel her breath on his cheek. “Never again, Rose Tyler. Never again.”

She went to say something but before she could  get a word out, his lips were on hers. His kiss was gentle, but urgent, his lips caressing hers as he tried to express all the love and adoration he felt. She stiffened at first, but then reciprocated in full, meeting his kiss with equal abandon. He deepened the kiss, his hands braced on her back. She clung to him, her body molded to his. They continued that way for some time before they both came up for air.

That night when they retired, it was together in his bed. They laid together quietly, exchanging soft kisses mixed with gentle caresses. Finally, after all this time, they were together. The Doctor and Rose Tyler, on the TARDIS. Stuff of legend. Just as it should be.

[literallyusuk]

Cowboy Casanova (USUK) Chapter 7

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] Also on AO3!

True to his word, Arthur was at their door early the next morning. He knocked and wasn’t too surprised when Matthew answered it. “Is he up yet?”

“No,” Matthew replied, backing away so Arthur could enter. “Did you expect him to be?”

“Not really, but one can hope.”

“True, I suppose. He’s in his room.” Matthew shut the door and vanished down the hallway.

“Thank you.” Arthur stepped as quietly as he could, half expecting to see Star standing in the corner once again, but the American was alone in the room. “…Alfred,” he murmured as he approached the bed. When he was close enough, a hand shot out and clamped down on his wrist, pulling him down. “A-Alfred!”

The blankets shifted to engulf him, and Alfred curled around his body. The cowboy shoved his nose into its customary spot between Arthur’s neck and shoulder before settling down. “Hey, Artie,” he said, the words somewhat muffled by their closeness.

“What, exactly, are you doing?”

“Sayin’ hello.” Alfred yawned, his tongue flicking out to press against Arthur’s neck.

Arthur started and tried moving away from him, but Alfred’s grip was too strong. “There- There are better ways!”

“Well, this is my way.”

“Alfred…” But Arthur couldn’t get angry with him. “We have somewhere to be.”

“The broomtail can wait.”

“You are so lazy in the mornings,” Arthur told him. However, he ceased struggling and simply allowed Alfred to hold him. Eventually, after what seemed like an hour, the American stirred and rose. “Finally.”

“Oh c’mon.” Alfred shot him a pout. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” he asked as he disappeared into his small bathroom to change.

“I suppose not,” Arthur grumbled back. He stood himself and straightened out his clothing, and then with nothing better to do, made the bed while he waited.

“Did ya eat already?” Alfred came back into the room and tucked his sleeping pants beneath the pillow. After grabbing his hat from its hook, he took hold of Arthur’s hand and tugged him to the kitchen.

“Yes, Elizaveta gave me some porridge.”

Well then make us food for later!” Alfred pointed to the ice box. “There’s some meat and butter in there, and the bread is over there. Somethin’ simple will be okay.” He himself started on making a quick breakfast.

“Alright.” Arthur bit his lip in concentration as he started working on the food. After a few minutes he had four sandwiches ready. Perhaps there was a little too much butter on them, but overall he felt they weren’t that bad.

When Alfred finished his breakfast, he nodded and appraised the sandwiches, and they headed out. Arthur helped him groom and saddle Star, and before long they were racing along in the desert. They visited all of the spots the mare had been seen in, but found her in an open stretch of land about five miles away from the town in the opposite direction of the train station. She was nibbling at some tough desert grass, but looked up and sized them up when they came near enough.

“What do you usually do now?” Arthur asked, looking closely at the horse for the first time.

She was indeed elegant, and almost didn’t seem to belong in the harsh environment of the desert. She was thinner and less stocky than the other horses, and her limbs were longer. Her coat was a silvery grey, and her eyes sparkled with intelligence. Not to say that Star wasn’t smart, but the broomtail possessed a more cunning gleam. She nickered lightly to Star and watched the two humans warily.

“Usually I either charge her or just approach on foot. I’m not gonna charge today, I don’t want you to get hurt or anything.”

“Alright.” Arthur switched his gaze from the mare to Alfred. “Thank you for your consideration.”

“Of course.” Alfred helped him down before getting off himself. After tying Star’s reins together, he approached the other mare. “So. Are ya gonna be good or not today, girl?”

Things happened quickly after that. The broomtail allowed Alfred to approach within a few feet of her before squealing and taking off. She led Alfred around the area in a merry dance before the cowboy finally snapped and called for Star. After shouting a ‘Wait here, Artie!’ to Arthur, he swung up and kicked the pinto after her. They vanished over the horizon after a few moments, Alfred whooping gleefully from atop his horse.

Arthur sighed. “Idiot, just don’t try to get on her back…” he said, though it was far too late for Alfred to hear him. He adjusted his own hat so it was covering his face more and shifted so his weight was on one leg while he waited.

Minutes passed, and then he felt faint tremors within the ground. Glancing around, he soon spotted a rapidly approaching pale dot on the horizon, which proved to be the broomtail. And from the direction she was headed, Arthur judged she was coming right at him. He felt a small trill of fear flash through him, though it was soon replaced by annoyance and a glare. This horse had caused Alfred pain and trouble, and he refused to let her win with him. She thundered closer, and Alfred came into view as well. In his peripheral, Arthur saw his face change from determined to panicked as he realized neither the Englishman nor the mare were shifting out of the way.

The whole time, Arthur just stood and glared.

“Arthur!” Alfred yelled to him, but he wasn’t sure Arthur heard him because he still didn’t budge. He urged Star to even greater speeds.

As the broomtail neared Arthur, she also seemed to realize that the human wasn’t going to move, and she locked her legs to slide to a stop, kicking up a large dust cloud in the process. Alfred let Star run a little longer to close the distance between them before pulling her back to a stop, dust billowing up from beneath her hooves as well. The cowboy was scared almost to death at what he would see when all the dust settled. There was no way the mare could have stopped in time… Eventually the dust cleared, oh so slowly, and Alfred gasped.

Arthur was still standing- and still glaring. The wild mare had managed to stop just in time and was standing right before him, panting. Her head was lowered slightly under the intensity of Arthur’s gaze. Neither of them moved a muscle until Alfred spoke.

“…Arthur?” he asked incredulously.

The spell was broken. Arthur blinked and looked over at him, his anger fading, while the mare shied away a few steps. She didn’t leave, though, but watched Star and Alfred with suspicion.

“Alfred…” Arthur took a small step towards him.

The American hurtled out of the saddle and at Arthur, wrapping him in a tight hug. “I thought you were gonna die- don’t do that!” he mumbled against his neck. “What happened to keepin’ out of unnecessary danger? What the hell were you tryn’a prove?”

“I- I-” Arthur hugged back hesitantly, his whole body sagging. “I wasn’t… I just got angry…”

“So you- You stood in the way of a runnin’ wild horse?!” Alfred lightly shoved him away to cup his face and stare down into it.

“Nothing happened,” Arthur murmured. “And I could have moved out of the way at the last second if anything.” Though he probably wouldn’t have.

“Arthur!” A pleading light came into Alfred’s eyes.

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Arthur said after giving a soft sigh.

Alfred’s shoulders slumped, and he pulled Arthur into a hug again. “Don’t do that again,” he whispered. “Ever. Please.”

“I won’t, alright?” Arthur wasn’t used to anyone caring quite so much about his safety, though he couldn’t say it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“Good. Okay. That’s good.” Alfred held him for another few seconds before an impatient snort broke them apart. He looked over at the broomtail, who was standing a few feet away, looking innocent. He remembered the force of Arthur’s glare and shuddered a bit. “I ain’t the devil, Artie, she is,” he muttered.

Chuckling slightly, Arthur turned to look at her as well. “She seems to have calmed down some now.”

“Yeah.” Alfred gave him a pout. “Here I am, chasin’ her ‘round for you, and you come ‘round and she’s docile as a little sheep,” he said, though there was a friendly spark in his eyes.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at him. “She’s not completely docile- she’s still a wild horse.”

“Heh, I was joking.” Alfred studied the mare for a while before taking a peppermint out of his pocket. “Here, try an’ give her that. We can try an’ bring her in and start training her up!”

“Alright.” Arthur took the mint and approached the mare. She snorted and stepped away, but Arthur kept eye contact as well as a soft stream of murmured reassurances.

She stomped her hoof and snorted at him once more, nostrils flaring as the scent of the candy wafted over to her. She allowed Arthur to get close and delicately took the sweet from his hand, but when he tried to touch her she whinnied and jumped away. Her tail rising like an Arabian’s, she trotted away from the two of them and then glanced back. Arthur took a step towards her, frowning, but she only danced off again.

The Englishman sighed in frustration. “See? Alfred, I highly doubt she’ll let us take her in. Just because I got her to stop doesn’t mean she’ll listen to me.” Even as he said that, the broomtail gave a final snort and cantered off.

Alfred watched her go critically. “Well, at least we made some progress!” He took Arthur’s hand and whistled for Star. “Let’s go follow her.” When the pinto trotted up, he lifted Arthur onto her back and mounted up behind him.

“Oh, alright.” Arthur blinked as he replied. Not like he had much of a choice, seeing as Alfred was already in motion. He felt the American’s stomach pressing against his back and was surprised at just how right it seemed.

Alfred grinned and urged Star into a canter as well, and they set off after the broomtail.

The silver mare seemed to notice them after a while and picked up speed, but not enough to lose them. She led them across the desert for about twenty minutes before rushing straight through the middle of a herd of wild horses. They all scattered and ran, except a small foal that couldn’t keep up. It ran for a little bit but then slowed and merely called after the rest. One or two turned back, but by that time Star had come close so after a moment of hesitation they kept going.

“Whoa, whoa, Star.” Alfred pulled back on the reins and Star came to a slightly awkward stop near the foal. He looked to Arthur. “What do we do?”

“Can’t we just leave it?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Alfred went back to studying the foal. “Look how small it is- you can practically see all its ribs. And then the herd’s gone…he might not find it again.” Quickly leaning over for a moment, he found the colt was indeed male.

“So we should take him back with us?” Arthur looked at him as well. The colt was a roan appaloosa, with dark blue fur and white splatters all over his rear, white socks on all four legs, and white spots over both eyes. “I suppose he’s alright looking.”

“Just alright? He’s a total cutie!” Alfred wriggled a bit in his seat, to the half-amusement, half-irritation of Arthur. “He shall be known as Alfred Junior, and of course he’s coming with us! We gotta save him!”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Can you get any more egotistical?” he asked scathingly, watching the colt step closer to Star. “I refuse to call him Alfred, or Alfie, or any other variation. But Junior will do.”

“Aah, you’re so mean,” Alfred moaned, draping himself over the other man. “But alright, I guess he looks like a Junior.”

“Get off.” Alfred elbowed him lightly. “And if we’re to bring him back, we’d best catch him before he runs away.”

Reluctantly, Alfred straightened up and rummaged around in the saddlebags for some rope. Along the way, he came across the sandwiches Arthur had made, and his stomach growled. Ignoring it for now, he grabbed the rope and made a quick loop with it before handing it to Arthur. “You go get ‘im, I’ll stay on Star here just in case.”

“Why me?” Arthur asked, holding in a shriek as he was prodded off the pinto. He almost managed to keep his balance, but in the end fell flat onto his ass. “Alfred!” He glared up at the cowboy, the look intensifying when a peppermint was dropped into his lap.

“Go get ‘im!” Alfred told him cheerfully.

But Arthur didn’t even have to move for the colt came right up to him, curious about the strange creature on the ground. Junior stepped delicately in his direction and stopped when he was right in front of him, head stretching out to lip at Arthur’s face. The Englishman couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the colt’s soft lips wandering over his cheek.

“Oh, shove off, you,” Arthur murmured, pushing the horse’s face away before he could bite. Junior, however, shoved his nose right back, this time nibbling at the blond hair. “Oi! Here, you little rascal, eat this!” Pushing again against the insistent muzzle, he pressed the peppermint up against the appaloosa’s mouth. It was gone in less than a second, and while Junior was munching on the candy, Arthur slipped the rope over his head.

Junior paused and sniffed at the foreign object, but after a moment he continued eating. He snuffled around for more mints, and when he found none, he simply went back to shoving his nose against the human. Arthur hesitantly patted his neck as Alfred gave a cheer from atop Star.

“You did it! Nice job!” Alfred grinned at him.

“Thank you.” Arthur shot him another glare. He got up slowly, keeping a tight grip on the rope in case the colt shied. He didn’t, and the barkeep tied the end to the saddle.

“Wanna eat now?” Alfred reached out and ran his fingers through Arthur’s hair. “We’ll go back afterwards.”

“Now?” Arthur looked around. “There’s not really a place to sit and eat…”

“We can do it in the saddle! It’s not real romantic, I know… We could look around for a spot if you want?”

Arthur couldn’t hold back a small smile; Alfred could be so endearing sometimes, if he tried. “It’s alright. Atop Star will be fine. Help me up?” He held out his hand.

Alfred took it and easily heaved him up, settling him down and immediately hugging him. He saw the colt start at the sudden movement, but Star calmed him down so he focused on Arthur, and more specifically rubbing their cheeks together.

“Alfred…” Arthur murmured. He couldn’t help rubbing back, though. “The food.”

“Right, right.” With a final nudge, Alfred passed him two of the sandwiches before starting on his own. He was surprised at the amount of butter on them at first, but once he got past it he found they were fine. He finished his two before Arthur could get through half of his, and then proceeded to beg the Englishman’s other one off of him. With a great sigh from the green-eyed blond, he received it.

“I wouldn’t have finished it anyway.” Arthur sniffed. He received a sloppy kiss of thanks either way.

“That stops it going to waste even more now!”

“Yes, yes.” Arthur quickly finished his own sandwich and looked down at the colt. “Hurry up, we should be getting back. How are we even going to feed him? Doesn’t he need milk?”

Alfred looked down at the appaloosa as well, and smiled at the sight of him nuzzling around Star’s hind legs. “Star’ll make milk for him soon,” he assured.

He kicked Star into an easy trot, and they headed home. Junior kept up well with them and was quiet after some initial resistance. They reached the house in less than an hour, and it was still early afternoon. The sun was beating down harshly on them, and Arthur felt admittedly faint. He didn’t think he’d ever spent so much time out at this part of the day, and he could feel the back of his neck – at least the sliver that was exposed – already burned. He winced at the feeling whenever he moved even a little bit, and then started when something cool was pressed against the spot. Upon further inspection, the thing turned out to be Alfred’s dampened bandana.

“I’ll give you some aloe extract thing when we get into the house, ‘kay?” Alfred murmured into his ear, tying the bandana off around his neck.

“Thank you,” Arthur replied shivering as a few drops of water slid down his chest and back.

“No problem. Go get in the shade now, I’ll take Junior and Star back. Don’t want ya gettin’ any more burned,” Alfred told him, helping him down from the horse when they arrived back at the house.

“Are you sure? I’ll be fine.”

Alfred nodded and gave him a gentle push. He watched the Englishman walk onto the porch but no further and sighed with a smile. The colt walked along quietly behind Star, though he looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings with wide eyes. He spooked slightly when they entered the barn, but Alfred got him into Star’s stall with the mare without creating too much of a fuss.

Matthew emerged from one of the stalls further down. “That’s not the broomtail,” he said upon seeing the colt.

“Nope! But we saw her, though. And oh God, she almost ran Arthur over cuz she didn’t stray an’ he wouldn’t move but then she stopped and I was so scared-”

“Is he alright?”

“Yeah, though he got a bit burned when we were coming back.” Alfred slumped against the stall. “She ran away after that, but we picked up this lil guy.” Right on cue, Junior lifted his nose over the door of the stall, and the cowboy grinned at him.

“He’s a nice looking horse,” Matthew agreed. “But I have to get back to work, and I think you have someone waiting for you.” He nodded at the house.

“Yeah. See ya later, Mattie!” Alfred gave Junior a final pat and then dashed out of the stable. He grinned widely when he saw Arthur leaning against the wall and approached him with arms outstretched.

“All done?” Arthur asked, humouring him with a hug.

“Yup!” Alfred squeezed him tight and rubbed his cheek against Arthur’s. “Now come on, let’s get you tended to, yeah?”

“Alright.” Arthur stepped away and studied him critically for a moment. “But you too- just a quick look over those cactus wounds.”

“Artie…” Alfred groaned, but allowed Arthur to drag him to his room. He sat down on the bed and watched the barkeep as he bustled around to gather the supplies.

“You have to take care of yourself,” Arthur said softly, coming to sit next to him with the first aid kit.

“I’ve got you for that, yeah?” Alfred asked with a smirk, taking off his shirt and unravelling the bandages.

“I’m not your nurse, Jones,” Arthur told him sharply, tending to the still-healing injuries. “And I might not always be around.”

“Don’t say that,” Alfred muttered, tugging at the cloth. “And turn around, let me tend to you.”

“Well it’s true. And I don’t necessarily mean dying.” Arthur gave him a smile and a stroke to the cheek before turning around. He slowly undid the bandana and reached up to touch the burned spot, though he felt Alfred’s hand wrap around his own before he could properly feel it.

“It’s not too bad, should heal in a few days,” Alfred kissed Arthur’s fingers before starting on tending to the burn. The cream was something that Matthew had made to use on the horses and themselves. “Do you want me to bandage your neck? It’ll help it heal faster, but it might look funny.”

“That’s fine. Just not too tight,” Arthur said, tilting his head down more so Alfred would have easier access.

“Okay, lemme know if it is, okay?” Alfred picked up one of the thinner bandages and loosely wrapped it around the Englishman’s neck. Once it was in place, he gave it a pat and immediately wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist.

“Oh-” Arthur started a bit, but he soon relaxed and leaned into the touch. “Hello there.”

“Hi,” Alfred purred into his ear, smiling as Arthur shivered. “Do you gotta go back yet, or can you stay some more?”

“I think I can stay until around five or six, when the worst heat has passed, but I should open the bar for a little bit later.” Arthur leaned his cheek into Alfred’s.

“Okay. Let’s move to the kitchen and eat and drink, yeah?”

“…Didn’t you eat three sandwiches not two hours ago?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m hungry again! Well, starting to be…” Alfred pulled him up and off to the kitchen.

“You’re a bottomless pit.” Arthur shook his head. “Have you got any tea?” He sat down on one of the chairs, not quite comfortable enough yet to look through the cabinets himself.

“I am not! And yeah, we should. Mattie likes to have it sometimes. It’s not the best quality though, sorry.” Alfred took down the tin with the tea leaves and gave it to him. “And you’ll most like wanna make it, cuz I have no idea how to.”

“Thank you, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Arthur took the tin from him and set about boiling some water.

By the time they had the drinks and food – Alfred made some bean and meat stew – Matthew entered, driven inside by the heat. He nodded at the two of them and grabbed a glass of water and a bowl before joining them at the table.

“How are you, Arthur? I heard what happened earlier with the wild mare.”

“I- I didn’t mean for it to happen…” Arthur turned a bit red and focused on his food. “I was merely angry, and she happened to be charging.”

“Just don’t repeat it. Next time you might not be so fortunate,” Matthew cautioned.

“I know. I’ve no desire to repeat those actions,” Arthur replied. “How are you?”

“I’m alright. Well…” Matthew suddenly trailed off.

“Well what?” Alfred looked to him sharply.

“…I think someone’s been watching me,” the quiet blond admitted. “There’s been a rider on the horizon…”

“What?!” Alfred slammed his glass down on the table. “Who the hell would- Did you recognize them at all?”

“No, they were too far away for me to distinguish any details. I only noticed that the horse was dark,” Matthew explained.

“Well damn, why the hell would they do that?” Alfred frowned and stirred the food around his plate. “If it continues then tell me, okay? I’ll get rid of them.”

“Okay.” Matthew paused. “What if… What if they’re involved with Ivan? He’s been oddly quiet lately.”

Alfred gritted his teeth. “I know. I haven’t seen him anywhere in ages. I don’t like it. I feel like he’s planning something, but I don’t know what.”

“A raid, maybe?” Matthew suggested.

“Maybe. But let’s not talk about Ivan now, okay?” Alfred said, looking between the two of them. “How’s the progress with the horses, Mattie?”

“Oh, it’s going well. One of the mares is just about ready to sell. You can take her down within a week, and two more are almost there.” Matthew looked pleased with himself.

“Yeah, that’s good. And Artie? You liking your job still?”

“It’s quite nice, and I think that I’ve adjusted well,” Arthur said. He looked at Alfred and frowned slightly, suspecting that the cowboy was just trying very hard not to think about Ivan. “And you?” he murmured, a hand under the table moving to rest on Alfred’s knee.

Alfred looked started at the touch, though after a moment he relaxed. “I’m okay. Worried, but there’s nothin’ I can do about it now.”

“Then it won’t do you any good to worry,” Matthew cut in. “Relax, but stay prepared in case anything does happen.”

“Y-Yeah, that’s good advice,” Alfred said softly, his shoulders slumping from their tensed position.

“Of course it is.” Matthew cleared up his spoon and bowl and moved towards the hall. “I’m off to rest until the evening. Try and keep quiet, will you?” And he was gone.

“You wanna get rest too?” Alfred asked.

“Actually, I think I should get going…” Arthur murmured, not rising.

The cowboy paused. “What? Now?” At Arthur’s affirmative nod, he shook his head. “No, no, but you said you’d stay! At least wait until the heat passes, okay?”

“Alfred…”

“Really! There wouldn’t be that much business at this hour anyway! Please?”

“I was going to say alright. I did promise, and a few more hours with you won’t hurt.” Arthur reached over again and gave his hand a squeeze. “What have you got planned for this time, then?”

“Same thing as Mattie’s doing. Rest!” Grabbing Arthur’s hand in return, Alfred gently tugged him off to his bedroom.

Arthur allowed it with minimal protest, though in the end he ended up watching Alfred’s face while the American slept. Once the sun started its downward arc in the sky, Matthew stirred and rose for the continuation of his day. The quiet footsteps paused outside their room for a moment before resuming. Arthur looked down at Alfred’s face once more and kissed his forehead, then rose. He met Matthew in the kitchen.

“Is Alfred still asleep, then?”

“Yes. Tell him that I’ve gone when he wakes up?” Arthur retrieved his hat from the peg by the door.

“Will do. Here, I’ll walk you to the main road.”

“Oh, don’t trouble yourself-”

“I want to,” Matthew interrupted gently. “Besides, it’ll be a nice stretch of the legs for me.”

“Well, I won’t stop you.” Arthur led the way out. “How many horses have you got now?”

“About ten, not including mine or Alfred’s. Most are wild that we’re breaking, but a couple are just problematic that need a fix.” They were well along the path now, and a few moments later, Matthew paused.

“What’s wrong?” Arthur stopped with him and looked around.

“Do you feel that? Like we’re being watched…” Matthew scanned the horizon, trying to find the source of the feeling. “There. It’s the same figure as before.”

“Is it?” Arthur squinted in the direction of said figure. “I could try and figure out who it is for you, if you’d like me to.”

“How?” Matthew turned to look at him.

“We’ll go back to the stable and saddle up a horse for me, and I’ll quickly ride out. I might be able to get closer.”

“Sounds good. Come on, walk with me a little further, then look around.” Matthew did as he’d said, and then knelt on the ground, seeming to search for something.

Catching onto the idea, Arthur did similar before they headed back.

Matthew saddled up his own horse, Maple, for him. “I don’t mind, plus it’ll be some good exercise for him.”

Maple was different to the other horses in the stable, a tall and sleek Thoroughbred with a calm personality, so Matthew figured Arthur would feel more comfortable atop him alone. Once Maple was set, Matthew led him to the entrance of the stable that was facing the open desert. The stallion pranced forward a few steps, sensing that something was going to happen.

“Easy, boy.” Arthur allowed him to sniff his hand and patted his neck before mounting up. Now this was the kind of horse he was used to. He reached down and patted Maple’s shoulder for good measure.

“Don’t go past the tree,” Matthew warned. “I don’t know who that is. They’ll either flee or shoot. Stay low on Maple’s back, and try and serpentine a bit once you get closer. And do not give chase.”

“I won’t.” Arthur glanced down at him. He hadn’t considered the possibility of the strange horseman shooting at him, but now that he did think about it, the prospect was probable. But he shook those thoughts from his head. It would all turn out fine.

Matthew looked up at his face. “You don’t have to do this… Not if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine, the chances of something actually happening are small, yes? And I’d like to help you,” Arthur said.

“Thank you.” Matthew smiled at him. “I’ll have a horse ready in case you need help.” He grabbed a bridle but no saddle and walked into another stall.

“That would be good, thank you.” Arthur tightened his grip on the reins. “See you in a few minutes, then.” He put his heels into Maple’s side and pointed his nose out into the desert.

The stallion shot off at a gallop, Arthur hanging on for dear life. Maple couldn’t accelerate quite as quickly as Star, but before long he was thundering across the ground just as fast. Arthur soon adjusted to his rhythm and urged him even faster. They headed straight for the tree the strange horseman was under; for a moment there was nothing, and then the other horse jumped into action. Arthur saw a flash of silver as the rider either dropped something or fired a weapon, and ducked lower. But nothing came at them as the rider scrambled to flee.

“Faster, Maple, come on!” Arthur urged the Thoroughbred, who obligingly increased his speed. The fact that he still could and the sheer ease with which he was running pointed to racing bloodlines. However, by the time they reached the tree, the stranger was well across the desert.

Maple wanted to keep going, but Arthur managed to slow him and circle around back towards the tree. The stranger was too far away to see any details, but Arthur did notice the hair was light in colour and contrasted sharply with the dark horse. Turning around again to face the tree, Arthur urged Maple closer to it so he could see what the flash had been. And there, amidst the rocks and dead brush, lay a silver canteen, glinting dully in the sunlight.

“Whoa, there…” Arthur dismounted and walked over, picking it up. Maple came up behind him and he showed the horse the object. The top was unscrewed, so the horse took a sniff and snorted. “Heh, probably alcohol in there- not the best scent for you.” He capped it again and inspected the bottle, noticing a small engraving in the side of it. GWB.

The Thoroughbred snorted again and took a step in the direction of the stable. Arthur looked back out into the desert once more, but by then the horizon was empty. Sighing, he swung up onto Maple’s back and let him trot off in the direction of home. It was a leisurely pace at first, but after a few taps from Arthur’s heels, the stallion slid into an easy canter.

Matthew was waiting for him anxiously, one hand on the neck of a nearby bridled horse. “Are you alright? Did you see anything?”

“I’m fine. And while I didn’t really see any details, he did drop this.” Arthur dismounted again and showed him the flask.

“I can’t think of anyone with those initials…” Matthew ran his fingers over the engraving. He opened the container and took a sniff, wrinkling his nose at the scent.

“Should we show Alfred? He might-”

“No. Alfred would get angry that I put you in danger. He can’t know about this.”

“But it was my choice.”

Matthew shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Plus, he’ll sulk that he wasn’t the one to ride out.” He chuckled. “That’s just the way he works.”

“Alright. Better hide that, then.” Arthur nodded to the flask.

Once he’d stowed the flask in a nearby trunk, Matthew slipped the bridle from the other horse’s head and, after, hanging it up, took Maple’s reins from Arthur. “How was he?”

“Wonderful. It reminded me of the rides I’d take back home. Though I am surprised to see a Thoroughbred here of all places.”

Matthew smiled and stroked Maple’s neck. “Got him from an auction a few years back. Apparently he didn’t make it as a racehorse out east, but he’s more than good enough for me. Thank you, again.”

“Thanks for what?” Alfred asked, ambling into the stable. “What’s going on?”

The two other men froze, though Matthew shook it off more quickly. “Arthur was just getting ready to leave,” he said, smoothly redirecting the conversation. “And I thought I’d accompany him while you slept.”

“Oh.” Alfred walked up to Arthur and pulled him into a hug. “I woke up to see you gone and got so worried…”

Arthur smiled and hugged back. “You worry too much. I can take care of myself, you know.”

“I know, I know. I can’t help to wanna worry, though.” Alfred let him go and stifled a yawn. “So I can go with you to drop you off.”

“You look tired, love, best if you go back to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Arthur gently pushed him off towards the house.

“But- I- alright…” Alfred resisted for a moment, but that was only so he could kiss Arthur and reach over to pet Star in her stall. “See you tomorrow, then. Stay safe.”

“Until tomorrow,” Arthur murmured.

Alfred waved once more before disappearing into the house.

“That was close,” Matthew said, sighing with relief. “Though now it seems I’m going into town.”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Arthur told him quickly. “I can get back on my own.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Matthew gestured for Arthur to mount, then followed suit behind him. “It would be a good idea to stop by the store either way.”

“If you’re sure.” It felt odd having someone behind him who wasn’t Alfred, but Arthur shook the feeling off.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Matthew tapped his heels to Maple’s sides.

They trotted leisurely into town, though Arthur felt Matthew twisting and peering around for the strange rider. No one appeared on the horizon, though, and they made it to the store with no problem. There, the Englishman said good bye to Matthew and continued onward to the bar on foot.

He half expected Alfred to come in at some point during the night, but the American never showed. Arthur was both relieved and a little crestfallen. He pushed his feelings down and focused on his work, then went to bed and slept undisturbed. The next morning, he woke with a body wrapped around his.

[flipface4]

Genocide (from Asgore's perspective)

(Note: This is my first fanfiction and it has a few headcannons so please give me feedback)

It was a normal morning in New Home, the flowers were blooming, the birds were singing, it was a perfect day to tend to my garden. I rose to the balcony for my daily speech to the kingdom, “Monsters of the Underground, we welcome this new day with open arms, for another day is another step closer to our escape from our cave.” It pained me so to lie to them. The citizens were like family to me, I had to force hope into our lives somehow, even if it means to give empty promises.

    I left to tend to my garden, just like every other day for many years. While I watered, my eyes shifted to Toriel’s old throne, my heart sank while doing so. How many years has it been? I can still hear what she yelled at me when I put my “plan” into action. The screams of the children I slaughtered… They ring in my ears every day. I cannot be forgiven, I cannot think straight… I must go visit them and apologize again…

    I walk down to the crypt where I stored their bodies out of respect. They deserved a royal human burial. As I reached their caskets, I could hear their voices clearly. I expected them to barrate me again for my sins, but they didn’t. They instead gave me a warning, “Beware the Determined. Once they get filled with LV, the underground will go empty.”

    “Wh-what do you mean?” I replied, completely perplexed, “Who is ‘The Determined’? Why would you know about LV? That is sacred knowledge that only the Royal family and the Scientist can know about.”

    “Beware. They have already cleared the ruins. They do not think. They only kill.” They continued

    “Th-the Ruins?!?!?!” I shouted, “That’s where Toriel has been staying!” I rush out of the crypt and into the house, scrambling to the phone. I had to know. I called the guards of Snowdin telling them to check. “H-Hello? Please, if anyone is there, check on the Ruins door! I have been informed that something is loose in the Underground!” I kept calling over and over….

But noone came….

    I proceeded to call Undyne, if anyone can stop this apparent creature, she can. “H-hello Undyne? Have you seen anything strange in waterfall?”

“Huh??? Asgore, if something wrong? You’re breathing very heavily, is someone bothering you?” Undyne replied, she always put my health before anything.

“I-I’m fine, just report, has anything come through waterfall recently?”

“Other than that armless kid, nothing, it’s been very quiet lately. In fact, Papyrus hasn’t even showed up for our meeting… I’m going to go check it out.”

“One last thing Undyne! If you come across anyone who looks as if they plan to hurt, do not hold back.”

“Okay, sure thing Asgore. I’ll go check it out after I find Papy- Huh? WHat is it Sa-” She hangs up abruptly, presumably to talk to the other guard.

I decided to pay a visit to the Royal Scientist, Alphys. She usually never leaves her lab, so she has cameras set up all over the Underground. I proceed through Hotland and see her cowering at her computer. “Alphys! What is wrong?” I shout to her, this isn’t like her usual anxiety, this is pure terror.

“M-my King! I-it’s a human! They a-are…. They are..” She can’t even finish the sentence.

“Please spit it out! This is very important. The Souls told me to ‘Beware the Determined. Once they get filled with LV, the underground will go empty,’ You have been experimenting with Determination, can you explain what they meant?”

“Th-th- THE HUMAN IS KILLING EVERYONE!!!” She yells through her tears.

“Wh-what do you mean? A human is… killing every monster?” My heart sinks as I say those words. “L-Let me see.”

Alphys points me to the screen, and on it there is a human in a striped shirt with a blank stare confronting a monster child. They move closer and closer until they strike. Just then, Undyne appears in front of the child, mortally wounded. Just as she is fading away, I glance at Alphys, who is staring at the screen as tears flood down her face. I can’t let her just watch as the human draws closer.

“Royal Scientist. It has come to my attention that that human cannot be stopped by a normal monster. So the best way to live is to lock yourself away in a place where they cannot reach you.” I command with a booming voice, shocking her out of her trance, “I want you to evacuate all of Hotland into your true lab. No matter the cost, we will not let that thing take any of our citizens lives.”

She sat there speechless, unable to move. Just as I was about to say it all again, a bright light shown on the screen. Undyne was still alive, and even more powerful than before.

“Look, Undyne will hold the human back, I believe in her, and I know you do to. I have to tend to New Home quickly, I will issue an alert to all remaining citizens to remain inside and lock their doors.” I turn my back to Alphys for the last time, “I know you can save them. You are the smartest monster in the underground. As soon as everyone is inside, turn on that machine you’ve been working on. I’m sure if you give him a power boost he will vanquish the human.”

“O-okay my King! I will get started right away!” And just like that, she ran into her “bathroom” as I left to the castle.

I reached my balcony the same as I did that morning. “Citizens of the Underground. There is a vile creature loose in the underground that is hellbent on killing us all. Do not leave your homes. I will not let this creature wipe us all out. I will take the souls and use the power to kill the creature once and for all.” I announced to my fallen kingdom. My soul burned with anger at this vile human. They have killed countless monsters. I will not let them pass to the barrier. The humans do not deserve to have a creature like them on the surface.

    I proceed towards the holding cell of the souls as one of the guards stops me.

“My King,” He spoke in a soft tone, “My name is Sans, I am a Guard from Snowdin who kept watch of the human. I saw every death and I am ready to fight them.”

“H-hold on. Why didn’t you stop them before?? You had every chance to step in while they were weak and now they have almost killed everyone!!” I was furious, this lazy guard sat back and watched his fellow monsters be killed.

“I know how this looks, but I may look like a Boneless coward, but I can show you I have backbone.” He joked as if nothing was wrong, just like Toriel would do when Asriel and Chara died…. “My power is relative to the sins of my opponent, their LV,” his happy demeanor shifted to seriousness as he spoke. “I was waiting until they were almost at their max LV so that I may be at my strongest. I have to get revenge for my brother…”

“Hm… Well, you should stand in the final corredor, they will have to pass through there to get here. Don’t try to just kill them, stall for time. I assume that because you know of LV that you know what determination does as well?”

“That’s what lets them persist death right? Yeah, no matter how much you kill ‘em, as long as they hold on, they just go back in time to a special point.”

I don’t know how a guard would know all of this, but I don’t have time to question it, by now the human probably has killed Mettaton, we’re running out of time. “Correct, but if you can make it so that they lose the will to fight, you can kill them for good.” I had sadly used that trick many times in the past…

“Sure thing King. I’ll come here after the kid’s dead,” and just like that, Sans left the room to meet his eventual doom.

Now it’s time for me to meet the Underground’s last hope, I thought to myself, I must get the souls in order to stop this fiend. 6 souls will probably be enough to power me to the point that the human can’t even hurt me. I walk to the barrier and summon the soul capsules.

“It’s time.” they all called out in unison, their hearts beating as one. “You must save both monsters and humans. They will use your soul to cross the barrier and kill all of humanity.”

I stand with the twilight shines onto me. I can’t do this. Everyone is gone. I break out in tears, even if I succeed, there will be nothing that will help us.

“Hurry Asgore! You don’t have time to stall any longer! You have to take us and do what you’re good at! Save the Underground from the human monster!” the souls keep crying out. I wish it didn’t have to come to this.

Just as I am about to release the souls, I hear a familiar cry…

“DAD!!!” it sounds like it’s coming from the throne room.

I rush into the room, and in the middle there is a flower with a face, crying.

“Dad, it’s me, Asriel!” the flower screamed. I was shocked, filled with both utter joy and terror.

“A-Asriel!!! I thought you were dead!” I couldn't believe my eyes, he was back, it was clear as day. My son has become a yellow flower.

“I know, but there’s no time for that conversation. Chara is coming to kill you!”

“Ch-Chara!?” I couldn’t believe it, “But why would they want to kill all of the monsters?”

“That is my fault… I betrayed them when I didn’t attack the humans in the village back when we were one… they must have lost all trust in both humans and monsters… They wanted to hurt them… and I guess that all the years of being dead wore them down, like the kindness we showed them was false…”

Suddenly it all clicked. Chara had seen how we treated the humans who fell down here… Toriel must have shown them motherly compassion only for them to get here and be slaughtered by me. “So they think that we hate them because of them being human? That we would abandon them for their soul?” I feel sick just thinking about it, that I pushed them to this point…

“I-I guess so… They even tried to get me earlier! You have to stop them Dad! They can’t reach the barrier…”

“I cannot.” I say weakly, “I cannot hurt my child. There has to be a way to keep them from getting the power to destroy the barrier.”

"Well… There is one… One thing I have done a lot for selfish reasons…” Asriel says, tears streaming down his face. “Wh-when they kill you, I can… destroy your soul before they get it.”

I am taken aback, but with a defeated look, I kneel to my son and say, “Do what you must…”

Asriel starts to weep as I hear Chara approaching.

“Go, Asriel. You can hide amongst the flowers and strike as soon as my soul shows.”

As soon as he hides away, Chara enters the room.

“Hm… how peculiar, I’ve never seen a flower cry before.” I put on a brave face and prepare for my end, “Howdy, I-” Before I can talk the battle starts, Chara’s dust covered face stares at me as I try to speak. Before I even say a word, a knife comes down across my body, killing me. I feel my body fade to dust until I feel my soul crack.

It’s Over.

[cawcawpeasants]

Hello there eagle, hope you're fine ! Can i request a part two of Nozel cheat on Leon ? Maybe i can ask for a wild mereoleona discovering her little bro ? And i'm sorry for your heart, i give you a hug.

Hey there guys, I know i took quite long, but I really hit some language block there >.

I really hope you like how this turned out, I am a bit unsure myself, because I was met with so many problems I got stuck at? Like, what kind of rooms did Nobles have? What do you find in the middle of a forest? How can I introduce new characters without them being eventually absolutely and completely proven as wrong and unreasonable by cannon in time? 

I found no answer to the latter, sadly. If anyone would like to give me constructive criticism, hit me up, Im down to learn!

Also the scenario is under the cut cause it did turn out quite long (about 4800 words) and i feel bad for spamming the tag.

I hope this doesnt cause trouble on mobile, if yes, send me a message and i will take the cut away :)

Anyways, have fun and I hope you like it!

His feettook him away from the house. Faster and faster.

He didn’tcare about where he went, his mind was still reeling with all these thoughtsabout what happened.

Nozel touching someone else…Nozel kissingsomeone else…Nozel cheating on him…

Leon wasbarely aware of his surroundings, he was in full flight modus. His anger andfear threatened to swallow him, and truly, he didn’t know what he would do ifhe would lose himself completely in his emotions.

He saw fireflickering in area around him, coming to life due to violent outbursts of hismana, which were a direct reaction to the images haunting his mind. It was likehe tried to burn away what had happened but instead he just damaged the housesand streets in his way.

Thank god there are no humans out right now.

It was ahuge loss of control, something he had never experienced before.

He lookedup at the sky. It was sunny and clear and really not what he needed right now.Soon people would start to go about their day, shopping, playing, talking… ahappiness he wouldn’t be able to bear.

He foundhimself on the outskirts of the city soon, behind it fields and forests. Heused his enforcement magic to charge straight into the woods.

Thewilderness of clover embraced him. He came to in a place where the sun barelymanaged to breach through the leaves.

He felttired and without direction.

Now he waslost in more than one way.

Good

He sat downon a fallen tree, and just stared out into the dimly light forest.

He feltinterestingly calm, no, numb would be a better word for it. He knew it was thecalm before the storm, the ebbing away of all the water before the tsunami cameback to relentlessly crush all that was in its path.

And thatwould be his heart.

After allthat had happened, he knew, it was going to be painful. And that he would neverbe the same again.

It had tohappen any minute now. The emotions would drown him, he would not withstand andbe torn to shreds.

I will just stay here and become new soil forthe kingdom. Alone. In peace. Never to be hurt again. Never to be loved again.And also, never to love. Just calm and empty like these woods.

He sank hishead between his hands.

‘Wow Leon,aren’t you a little melodramatic now? Dying from heartbreak? Oh god, this iswhat my I have become’

But really, can anyone blame me? Regarding whatI just lost…

Tearswelled up in his eyes and he buried his face even deeper in his hands.

Here goes the end

A sobwrecked through his body, silent and calm, like the nature around him, givingno hint as to what was going on inside him.

‘Don’tworry, you have been this much of a sensible idiot since your birth! Believeme, I was there.’

Thefamiliar voice behind him made his body tense, he didn’t dare breathe.

This place is not so empty after all, it seems…

‘And now,how about you tell me why you came thrashing through my hunting grounds like awounded beast? You really disturbed my prey, you know that? You better repay mein sake!’ A throaty and warm laugh echoed through the glade.

He mentallybraced himself to face her.

‘Oy, youknow we don’t see each other that often, so how about you use that chance andat least talk to your sister!’ A warm hand was placed on his shoulder and hetwitched unconsciously before relaxing into the touch.

She satdown next to him on the tree trunk, facing him, without ever stopping to talkto him.

‘Especiallyafter I came all the way here to find out why you are so sad. So how about youtell me why you are crying, you little idiot brother of mine, hm?’

The lastwords had a rather fond and soft tone, and Leon grimaced at the thought of justhow miserably he must look right now that even Mereo would show concern likethis.

He took adeep breath and might or might not remove some snot with his sleeve, nothing hewould ever confess to if asked, then turned a bit more in her direction.

‘Just arough day, nothing to worry about.’

Mereoleaned back a bit, looking at him with a face that clearly showed that shewasn’t buying any of that.

Leonaverted his eyes.

‘Really.’

He felt asmack on the head, the pain shortly rendering him helpless, and found himselfin his sister’s grip, held by his collar. She was pissed.

‘I wouldsuggest you not trying to lie to me so badly, especially when I am here tryingto look out for your stupid ungrateful ass. I know exactly what you are likewhen you are throwing tantrums, and this here is not this. So, you have tenseconds to spill and tell me who’s ass I have to kick for making me see mylittle brother cry.’

He reallyappreciated her words, he knew she meant well, and he was equally touched tosee her care and glad that she was there for him. He could not, though, bringout the words for the life of him.

Every timehe tried, it felt like the words were stuck to his throat, drying it up andmaking him swallow hard. He felt like they were plugging his lungs, making ithard to breath. He was drowning again.

Also, themental images of Nozel loving another man came back, and so did hisall-crushing-tsunami-wave-of-emotions.

He wasembarrassed with Mereo seeing him like this, tearing up and choking on hiswords. He felt hot and cold and started to get dizzy, too.

He was awreck.

Mereoloosened the grip on his collar and just placed a hand at the side of Leon’shead.

He looked ather face, which was so similar to his own, and was met with a stern andconcerned look which he probably would have given himself if he would havecaught himself like this, lost, panicking and in the middle of nowhere. Heclosed his eyes.

This isn’t like you Fuegoleon Vermillion. Youare more than this. And it is time to face reality, and to let her help, if shecan. You shouldn’t be alone. You aren’t alone.

‘Nozel,he…he cheated on me’

His wordswere quiet, and when he didn’t hear an answer he wasn’t even sure he actuallyspoke them out loud.

He openedhis eyes, and through the blurry veil caused by his tears he saw Mereo’s faceunchanged. Leon blinked his tears away, though one escaped him and rolled downhis cheek.

Suddenly anerve on the woman’s face twitched, her grip on his shoulder got painful and thetemperature in the close area rose drastically. Her face showed pure anger, anda fire burned in her eyes like it came straight from hell.

Then herexpression calmed down. She was still furious, but the temperature went backdown to normal.

‘Do youwant me to take care of him?’ was her only question.

He shookhis head.

‘Actually,I just wanted to get my thoughts straight in peace. Can’t be in the city rightnow.’

‘Mind if Istay?’

She tookher hands of him and started to rummage through her clothes, bringing out aflask which she then offered to him.

Hegratefully took it.

‘No, not atall.’

The twosiblings stayed in the forest next to each other for hours, not saying much.They just passed the flask between each other, until Mereo left for a while andcame back with two bottles of sake. They continued to get drunk in silent, butfor Leon it was so weirdly comforting that she was there for him. She might be alittle rough around the edges sometimes, but she was a strong shoulder to leanon. And get smashed with.

He sighedas he emptied his bottle, knowing that it was time to get back. He had a job todo in the morning, a life to continue. No, a new life to start. After all theseyears with Nozel by his side it would feel weird and empty.

Just wrong…

His heartstarted to hurt again, and he rubbed over his eyes to get those damn persistenttears to go away.

Mereo nextto him just watched him silently, then shook her head.

‘You know,I would ask you if you would like to talk about your feelings, but we both knowthat this is not my forte.’

‘Is okay.Would be to weird, too, considering that we never did something like thatbefore.’

He grimacedat the thought of how that would conversation would go.

She laughedout loud.

‘Yeah,let’s not start with that. I guess, it was always Nozel you had been talking toabout your feelings and all that.’

He met hergaze.

‘And Ithink you should go and talk to him again.’

He wasconfused. This advice wasn’t quite what he thought he would get. He expectedmore of ‘Kick his ass out of your house’, ‘Burn the scum to smithereens’ or‘Lets just punch someone in the face’.

But he hada feeling deep in his gut that she was giving him a better advice than that.

Still… I can’t just go back and forgive himlike that.

He furrowedhis brows and looked away.

‘I don’tthink that this will be the best plan of action, sister.’

‘Listen, Iknow you think I just gave you some stupid advice here, and if I wouldn’t be sosure that an inept, socially clueless man like Nozel, who needed years to figureout his feelings for you and then proceeded to waste even more years to takeevery damn step as small as possible, just to be safe, just doesn’t have it inhim to cheat. Like, seriously, he is not one to rush into things like we do,and your guy really does have one hell of a one-track mind when it comes toyou. Has he actually told you what happened?’

Leonthought about it. His heart started to flutter in anticipation of a newrevelation. It was an unbelievingly uplifting feeling after all the dread ofthe day.

Well, she is right. He really is not quite likethat at all. And I left before he could tell me exactly what happened.Maybe…maybe there is still hope for us?

But what if not? What if my fears are true andhe really did intentionally cheat on me? Then this will hurt twice as bad asbefore an I really might lose myself.

‘Listen, ifI am wrong and he really is such scum, you can merrily come back here and staytill all my sake is gone. Also, you might as well tell me that I have beenwrong. But now GO, you look like you’ve got constipations, for god’s sake, sohow about you try to do something instead of just looking stupid.’

Yep, really not the best with emotionalpep-talks. Whatever, I might as well try.

He kissedher forehead.

‘Thank you,sister’

‘Get thehell out of here, you idiot brother. You can just follow your path ofdestruction out.’

He quickly left the small place behind and didas Mereo said. The path of burned Plants and ground led him back oud of theforest, then back to the city, then back to the house.

It was themiddle of the night, the houses were dark, and it was quite chilly. In thealready dark forest he hadn’t realized how much time had passed.

He took onelast glance at the building he had so many pleasant memories with. Memoriesinvolving Nozel.

He went upthe stairs leading to the door. Before he could touch it, it was openedalready.

Nozel stoodbefore him, blue eyes wide and adorned by dark shadows under them, face paleand puffy. He looked more horrible than this morning, and it was obvious thathe had been crying the whole time, too.

Leon didn’tknow how to react. On one hand, he didn’t want to do anything more than to justhold the man before him, have him feel better, but he was hurt, too, and hecouldn’t just swallow down the anger inside him, caused by the memories of allthe pain and grieve of today.

‘You’reback.’ Came the choked statement from the man before him.

He held hisgaze.

‘I am. Ithink we should talk.’

Nozellooked down and let Leon in.

They foundthemselves back at the Kitchen table where it all started, both equipped withtea, both not saying a word.

Leondecided to make the first step.

‘I want toknow what happened. All that happened, and just why. I am not here to forgiveyou yet, but I want to know if I should invest energy in trying to at all or ifit is a lost cause.’

Nozel nodded, then he shakily breathed in andstarted to tell Leon all that had happened.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­Hedidn’t anticipate this evening at all.

Not onlydid he have to spend a night and maybe even half a day with most of hisrelatives, no, the heart kingdoms royalty was there to visit the Silva’s anddiscuss some business with them. It was no big and very official event, sothere was no need to host a big party, but it was still expected of Nozel asthe eldest son to be present, involved and courteous.

He wasn’tin the mood to be any of that, really.

But well,there he was, dressed in a new suit, ready to leave for his family’s mainestate and spend the evening with fake compliments, useless chatter and thenalso punching out some contracts with the hearties in private, when all hewanted was to drink a glass of wine in peace, finish his book and stay withLeon.

Sadly, theredhead couldn’t accompany him, as it was a ‘Silva’s-only’ event and his familywasn’t that accepting of their relationship yet. They always hoped they couldfind him a nice fiancée, so he could get married and produce lots of heirs.Also, the whole Silva and Vermillion issues really sat deep within hisrelatives.

He went bythe living room, where he found Leon lounging on the sofa, doing just exactlywhat he wanted to do, too, and pouted a bit.

Leon sawhim standing in the door and put his book down.

‘Well,hello there handsome. I see you are all ready to go?’

Nozel steppedover to him and took a sip from Leon’s wine.

‘Now I am.Even though I’d rather not stay away to long, I am afraid I will be back aroundnoon tomorrow. Sure you can handle staying alone this long without causingtrouble, Vermillion?’

Leon shothim a grin.

‘Lookingfor a way out there, Silva? I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will be fine.Even though I can’t wait to have you back here, so I can get you out of thissuit.’

Nozel feltthe redheads hand wander to his hips, ready to pull him into his lap.

Now it wasNozel’s turn to grin at him. He leaned down, placing his hands left and rightof Leon’s head on the back of the sofa.

‘Yeah? Wellthen, I better hurry up, not that you come after me just to do so.’‘Oh yeah, you better. And make sure nobody kidnaps you from the streets, youlook way to good like this.’

Nozelsmiled at that compliment and pressed one soft kiss on Leon’s mouth.

‘Thank youvery much. But now I have to get going, so get your hands of my ass,Vermillion.’

Leonlaughed and did as he was told. The silver haired stood up and then gatheredthe rest of his belongings he would need, like his keys and his coat.

‘Have fun tonight Nozel. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’

‘Likestaying sober? Don’t worry, I hadn’t planned on doing that anyways.’

The lastthing he heard when the door closed behind him was Leon’s warm laugh fillingtheir home.

Yeah, hereally couldn’t wait to get back here fast enough.

-           -             -             -             -             -             -             -             -               

‘Ah, LordSilva. Exactly on time, your family awaits you in the dining hall.’

Heacknowledged the Servants greeting and headed of to the named location.

‘Have theroyals from Heart kingdom arrived yet?’

‘No, not yetsir, but they are expected to arrive in the next half hour.’

Very well, that gives me enough time tomentally brace myself for this circus.

The meetingwith his relatives was as cold as always. It was like a trademark of the Silva’s,the unfamiliarity of this family.

Theanticipation in the room was nearly tangible, as many of the people presentexpected great business advantages being born from this evening. The want toget richer even overpowered the cloud of boringness which hung low over theroom.

The constantchatter over trivial things came to a halt when a servant announced the arrivalof the esteemed royals of the heart kingdom.

They were a bunch of redheads,funnily enough. The representatives were 5 people, 3 Males of various age and 2females.

Nozel, and probably many of theother Silva’s, instantly thought of the younger Vermillion generation, butbesides the hair colour and the gender distribution, there was nothing incommon.

Even the hair was a darker shade ofred, more like red wine than fiery gold Vermillion.

He was introduced to the Royals bythe current head of house Silva, and while greeting a male that was around hisage he found himself observed thoroughly by dark brown eyes in a golden skinnedface.

The other male held his hand asecond longer than necessary, too.

He kept up his noble façade as muchas possible, but he felt the need to raise a brow at the mans behaviour,something that must have set of some sort of a challenge. The taller man shothim a small grin, and he knew this night just got even more arduous.

Its got to be this damn suit. I should have stayed home after all, atleast my redhead knows how to flirt without nearly making a scene. And this wasonly the first greeting, too.

He supressed a sigh. 

At thetable, when they began their meal courses, he found himself sitting across thebold man.

That one hadno problem starting a conversation with him, and only him. All those who triedto get in would be casually thrown off, when the redhead would ask directquestions at Nozel.

The latterwas slowly getting more and more annoyed. The rules of being a good hostwithout bringing shame to your family involved answering all questionsappropriately, but it also kept him from getting a real chance to eat anythingfrom the 5 courses that were presented.

To makematters worse his wine glass was constantly refilled, and it seemed to be acustom of the Heart kingdom to toast at every given chance, so he was forced todrink more over a short amount of time than he actually liked.

After themeal was finally over he felt dizzy and tired.

God, I want to go home so badly. This is all sobothersome and stupid, and this damn hearty is driving me nuts.

Stay strong Nozel, not much longer until youand Leon can have a good laugh about it all.

The peoplepresent in the room started to leave the dining hall, the men for the cabinetwhere they were going to talk about a possible new treaty which actually hadbeen discussed between the families for a while now and was nearly ready to befinalized, now it was just a matter of details and handshakes until the wealthcould start to accumulate.

As expectedit all went over smoothly and both parties were content with their shares ofthe deal. The mood was great and the head of the Silva’s ordered champagne tocelebrate the new business relationship and even some cigars.

Nozel wasglad that the most sensitive part of this get together ended in such afavourable way and looked forward to soon escape the burning looks from theyoungest Heart royal.

But thequick getaway turned out to be wishful thinking.

Again, hefound himself caught in an endless circle of toasts and refilled glasses, andhe felt how he slowly lost his cool demeanour.

His face wasquite flushed, and he really had to concentrate on his words as not to slurthem in an undignified way.

Suddenly hefound himself cornered by the hearty again, asking him a million questions, onebolder than the other.

An ‘Are youavailable, by any chance?’ caught him finally of guard and he couldn’t help butlook at the other with an I-beg-your-pardon-mimic.

I never thought I would meet someone with lessclass than solid. At least he wouldn’t dare to ask that sort of question tosomeone in a room full of business partner. The insolence, I swear.

 But theother wasn’t done yet. He sneakily placed a hand on Nozel’s hip, close to howLeon had earlier that evening, and added up on his question.

‘Like, areyou single?  Because I think we shouldget to know each other better.’

Seeing thisas the last straw he decided to leave the room for the night, stating importantmagic knight captain duties as the reason to head to bed now and leave earlierthan anticipated tomorrow.

After thedoor closed it hit Nozel just how bad the air inside had been, with numerouscigars being lit in a sealed room. He was hungry, drunk and the world turnedaround him. Also, he was unbelievably tense.

A suddenbout of feeling sick had him quickly stepping out on a balcony that wasconveniently near. He gripped the balustrade for support and closed his eyes,so his view would stop spinning just for a few seconds.

God, the last time I couldn’t see straight I atleast had Leon with me. I want him here now. I want him to take me home.

He felt ahand on his shoulder and nearly jumped before turning around. All he saw was atall man with red hair and his brain set off a little firework of endorphins

He really came!

Nozel smiledat the other and put his arms around his neck, still not quite able to focushis eyes.

‘Speak ofthe devil, there you are. Are you finally going to get me out of this damn suitnow, or what?’

He heard adeep chuckle, it sounded a bit off but before he could spend much thought onit, a hot mouth met his own, aggressively kissing him while pressing his backagainst the balustrade.

The redheadplaced a knee between his legs and added pressure while one hand wandered downto Nozel’s ass and stayed there in a firm grip.

The Silvamoaned at the feeling of all this, and he wanted to retaliate the administrationsby moving his head to the others neck and covering the area in attention.Before he could even get really started he felt a harsh tug at his hair and hishead was pulled back up again.

Thisdispleased Nozel very much, he hated it when someone mistreated his hair andLeon knew that!

Oh, I’m going to top for this. How dare he!

The sightof the scowl on his face was seemingly only amusing to the other, who laughedand then again pulled at his hair to get better access to his ear.

A stranger’svoice spoke to him, his hot breath felt like it left scorched marks on Nozel’sskin as the words reached him.

‘Nuh-uhBabe, I am the one in command here, get used to that. And now stop pouting, ifyou really want to suck something so badly I am sure I got just the right thingfor you later!’

And thenhe bit in his ear.

All sirensin Nozel’s head went loose and he pushed the other off him, who looked quitepissed and insulted at the smaller mans actions. Nozel stared at him, eyes widein panic and confusion.

All theSilva could see were deep red hair, darker skin and brown eyes that shot himangry glares.

This is not Leon! Oh god, this is NOT my Leon!!What have I done? I just… Oh my god, I can’t…I can’t breathe, I got to get outof here.

Nozel casteda magic spell to fly away from the balcony, leaving his family behind withoutan explanation would surely earn him a scolding some other time, but right nowhe felt sick and dirty and like he had to throw up any minute now.

The othermans taste in his mouth was haunting him, it felt so wrong he wanted to cry.

He cursedthe whole damn evening, the whole damn heart kingdom and most importantly hiswhole damn stupid reckless self for letting his guard down and not being ableto hold his liquor.

I just want to go home. I just want Leon rightnow.

But how am I going to explain to him what justhappened? What I just did?

Oh, dear god, I just cheated on him, didn’t I?

Or not?

I’m so confused. I’m so so tired.

What am I going to do now?

‘And thenI decided to sleep on the couch, because I didn’t want you having to sleep nextto me after all that, and also because I was too drunk to make it up the stairswithout waking you. That’s where you found me, and now we’re here.’ Came theewhispered conclusion of Nozel’s nightmare evening.

Leon wassilent, having to take this all in was quite something.

Yes, now we are here.

And I am none the calmer. If I ever meet that manI will punch him in the face for just…being so disgusting.

He pinchedthe bridge of his Nose and closed his eyes. He was tired and getting a headache.That came with the unusual amount of tears this day, it seemed.

He sighedand took the others pale form in. He looked so small and ashamed that Leon reallycouldn’t bare it. It was a cursed day for sure. 

At least it came with my sister and her unusualbout of wisdom, too.

‘So, youonly kissed the man because you thought he was me, correct?’

Nozelnodded.

‘And youstopped the second you realized it wasn’t me?’

Again nodding.

Againsilence.

Basically, he didn’t cheat on me with theintention to cheat. He just mistook the man for me and made out with him, whichstill makes me mad beyond believe, but…but I guess we can work it out?

‘Nozel?’

‘Yes?’

‘I amstill mad. And disappointed and hurt, and I can’t quite forgive you for allthat happened today.’

The otherbit his lips and looked away. Leon could see a suspicious shimmer in Nozel’seyes and knew the other bit back tears.

‘But I don’tblame you for yesterday. I believe you, when you say you made a mistake byconfusing the man with me, so well, I_ I would like to give you, us, anotherchance. Would you like to try to do so, too?’

Now the tearsfell from Nozel’s eyes as the Silva silently cried. He looked like he couldn’t believehis luck. Then he nodded again before hiding his face in his hands. A sobwrecked through his body and Leon was up by his side in a heartbeat.

‘Oh god,Leon, I am so sorry.’

Heembraced to other and felt comfort at how well their bodies fit together. Hepressed his head down in the others hair, feeling how his own tears came backto his eyes.

Thisreally had been a stressful day, but he also realized how much he had neededthis hug, this comfort today. He felt like his heart started to heal. Slowly,but it did.

‘It’sgoing to be okay, okay?’

Nozelnodded against his chest, and they both stayed like this for a small eternity,just crying and holding each other, recovering from wounds they neveranticipated.

As theygrew tired they moved to the couch, just sitting close and kissing each other’stears away.

They fellasleep holding each other close, as the light of a new day shone through thewindows.

It waslike a promise of warmth and a new beginning.

A promiseof healing.

A promiseof loving.

A promiseof hope.

And inhope have faith.

[breezy-cheezy]

So. Here’s some art and a fic I’ve been holding onto for...about a year. I’ve been too nervous to post it anywhere because I don’t write, but my chances to post are running out so now or never! 

This is my take on why and how Keith knew Shiro when they met in the first episode. There weren’t many stories like this when I wrote it but I’m sure there are alot now but whatever, just take it. This follows the main scenes of the first episode, with some added details/headcanons and flashbacks added into the mix. Oh, and male pronouns for Pidge because this is from Keith’s early perspective. Beta’d by my lovely friend @x-i-l-verify~

This is also written in a completely platonic light. I love Keith and Shiro as surrogate brothers of sorts, and the team as a family, so if you reblog...

Please don’t tag any ships on this! Thank you!

    Looking Back (then Forward)

               He had to investigate. He had to. The signs had all indicated the same thing. Something important was arriving tonight, and he wanted, no, needed, to know what it was. Whatever crash landed on Earth continued to pull on him, to call to him, guiding him forward to the quarantine facility. His mind told him not to proceed, that it was foolish to enter a place he knew so little about (were there guards? How many? Any other defenses?)  and that technically was not supposed to exist. But his gut was telling him the exact opposite, and he usually listened to that anyway. It’s not like he had anything to lose. Keith pressed a small red button on the controller he held.

        Explosions boomed on the far horizon. Keith watched the guards run in the direction of the loud noises, a smug smile curling his lips. This was working better than he’d thought.

        Keith lowered his hover-bike behind a nearby boulder and leapt off, sprinting through the open doorway. He pulled the maroon bandanna up around his mouth to partially conceal his identity, but there was no one inside. All he found was a long, dark hallway, with a somewhat illuminated door at the end. There was someone yelling on the other side of that door, and this set Keith’s nerves on edge. There was something disturbingly familiar about that hysterical voice…it grew quieter as he proceeded forward.

        Upon opening the door, nothing happened immediately. After Keith’s eyes had time to adjust to the sudden bright, clinical light, he saw a few masked figures. They were puttering around a metal table, chattering in hushed tones and exchanging little vials and needles. Whatever voice he’d been hearing before had died down completely, replaced by heavy, ragged breathing.

        One of the scientists looked up to the doorway as if making to request assistance for something, but then sputtered off in shock. This alerted the entire room to Keith’s presence. He leapt into action before they could so much as take a step in his direction.

        Keith bobbed and weaved as he ran, kicking the legs out from under his opponents and sometimes even throwing them across the room. Keith was by no means the strongest person around, but these reedy little scientists stood no chance against his agility. What he lacked in strength he was able to make up for in using his opponents’ attacks against them. The brawl was easily won.

        Keith stepped over the unconscious scientists and toward the examination table, pulling the bandanna back down around his neck. There was a man dressed in dark rags lying on the table, but Keith couldn’t see his face. Was this the person that he heard screaming earlier? Judging by the steady rise and fall of his chest, he appeared to be asleep now. Drugged, perhaps?

        Keith reached over and carefully turned the man’s face towards himself. A shaggy shock of white hair splayed across his face and fell away, revealing an expression that was far from peaceful. Scars peppered the man’s face, a particularly nasty one running over the bridge of his nose. There was a certain familiarity about this man…Keith gasped softly, his eyes widening in realization.

        “Shiro…?”

~~ <> ~~

        “Keith.” A small boy just shy of ten years jumped a little, looking up at the sound of his name. Over the past month he’d been here, people had expressed their condolences but had generally left him alone. He didn’t mind. He preferred it actually. After his parents’ deaths, he’d been getting used to feeling alone. He figured it was necessary. They would have wanted him to be strong.

        Hearing his name startled him more than a little. He gazed at the matron curiously, never saying a word. The woman smiled sweetly. “There’s someone here to see you.”

        With that, she stepped to the side, and a young man took her place. The youth also smiled, but with a deep sadness settled into his expression. Keith couldn’t help but wonder why. The matron left them alone.

        “Hello Keith,” he began warmly, kneeling down to be at eye level with the boy. Keith stared at the young man with eyes full of curiosity, analyzing the dark hair and neat military uniform. The teen’s face was gentle and creased with faint laugh lines, even though he seemed to be only about sixteen years old. There was also something undeniably familiar about his eyes. Keith still said nothing.

        “My name is Shiro. You probably don’t remember me, but I was good friends with your father.” Shiro’s words were careful and sad, and Keith bowed his head slightly.

        “He’s dead.” Keith said bluntly, and he watched Shiro’s smile become even more pained. Hurt flared in Keith’s chest, but there was no point in dancing around the facts. Shiro placed a consoling hand on the boy’s shoulder. Keith almost shrugged it off, but chose not to.

        “I know. And I can’t even begin to imagine how sad that must make you feel,” Shiro answered softly. Keith bit his lip, not wanting to admit to the statement. He had to be strong. For his parents…

        But they’re not here anymore, are they? Keith began to shake.

        Shiro sighed. “I’m going to visit you as often as possible, okay? Your parents were good people. They were good to me. I’m sure they wouldn’t have wanted to leave you alone in the world.” He gently ruffled Keith’s unruly hair. “This is the least I could do for them. And for you.”

        Keith sniffed and stumbled forward, wrapping his arms around the teen’s shoulders. Shiro quickly returned the gesture, strong arms encircling the boy’s small form and protecting him from the world, even for just a moment. It was a lot like his father’s hugs.

        Keith began to cry.

~~ <> ~~

        He’s alive…Shiro is alive. Keith’s mind began racing with so many questions at once. Where had he been all this time? How did he end up here? Why did he look…so different?

        There was the sound of a distant door opening, and Keith snapped out of his thoughts. There was no time. He had to get out of here, and he wouldn’t be leaving alone.

        Keith whipped out his knife and cut the man loose from the straps binding him to the table. He then took an arm (the human one…Shiro’s right arm was cold, metal, and so unsettling and what happened to you--?) and pulled it across his shoulders. He was prepared to bear heavy weight, but was surprised to find that Shiro was actually pretty easy to carry, even as dead weight. For some reason, that did nothing to comfort Keith.

        There were voices and the sounds of people running in the hallway, making Keith grit his teeth in frustration. It seemed like reinforcements had already been sent to this location. He tightened his grip on his knife, prepared to fight his way out.

~~ <> ~~

        “Is everything alright, Keith? I got a call saying you were in trouble for something?”  Keith, now around twelve years old, continued sharpening his knife. He sat at the edge of his bed, kicking his feet rhythmically in the air. His brows were furrowed and his mouth was curled into what one could only call a pout. A corner of Shiro’s lips twitched upward in amusement. He sat down next to the boy.

        “Keith…what’s wrong?” The knife sharpening continued for a moment, and then, finally, Keith looked up. Shiro’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

        “They started it…”  Keith muttered bitterly, looking back down at the knife and allowing his bangs to once again fall over the dark bruise forming over his eye. “You should see the other guy.” He added as he listened to Shiro struggle in deciding if he should be angry or not.

        “Did…did you pull that knife on them?” he eventually settled on, horror, uncertainty, and an underlying note of anger coloring his voice. Keith’s head snapped up at the question, his uninjured eye wide with incredulity.

        “What!? No, no, nothing like that.” Keith sputtered, starting to fidget with the knife in question. “It’s…my dad gave me this, okay? Before h-he...I would never…this just...helps me calm down...” Keith gradually trailed off, and Shiro let out a sigh of relief, clapping the boy on the shoulder.

        “Good…good. That would have been really bad.” Keith snorted at that, his own way of agreement. His eyes gradually turned grim again.

        “They tried taking it from me. Those kids stole my knife.” His fidgeting with the knife increased. “I got so mad…it’s one of the last things I have of my family.” Shiro nodded in understanding, and a solemn silence fell over the room. After a few moments, he held out his hand.

        “May I?” Shiro asked. Keith stared for a moment, then hesitantly passed over the knife. Shiro gripped the handle in a fashion that Keith was unfamiliar with, and he blinked in confusion. Shiro smiled warmly. “You were holding it wrong.” He flicked his wrist slightly, the blade flashing. “You’re going to need to protect yourself, and probably other people someday. You know, once you’re out of the orphanage.” Shiro turned his gaze back to Keith. “I want you to be safe…mind if I show you how to use a knife correctly?”

~~ <> ~~

        The “reinforcements” Keith thought he heard coming actually turned out to be on the friendly side…if a bit annoying. Some were very annoying (honestly, he barely even remembered this “Lance” kid, what was he so upset about?) but he wasn’t naming names. In fact, Keith vaguely recognized the newcomer’s faces, but he could not for the life of him remember their names. However, he did share some common goals with these people. And at the moment, they were aiding in his rescue attempt, so he couldn’t complain too much.

        Even if they did end up weighing down his hover-bike. And the big one seemed like he was about to cry. He could not afford to slow down. Even with all these extra passengers, Keith was a highly experienced pilot. He knew what he was doing. He tossed back his head and glanced at Shiro slumped limply in the little newcomer’s arms. The kid’s grip looked tight, which was as much as he could ask for in this awful situation.

        Everyone started yelling in terrified protest as Keith drove full speed towards the cliffside. As long as they all held on tightly, they would be fine. A confident smile formed on his lips. He knew what he was doing.

        Keith drove off the side of the cliff.

~~ <> ~~

        At the age of sixteen, Keith finally did make it out of that orphanage. With Shiro’s help, he had been enrolled in the Galaxy Garrison. Shiro was an instructor there now, and he made it a point to not show any favoritism whatsoever during class, even to his friend. He was only doing his job, and Keith could appreciate that. Even so, Shiro made sure to express how much he expected from Keith; how much he believed in him. He could only do his best but…it felt nice, having someone who believed in him.

        In the end, Keith was not the brightest student, but he took to flying like a fish to water. After learning the essentials, piloting airships came easily and naturally to Keith. He liked the rush of flight; the way things looked so tiny on the ground, or how the clouds sped by as he flew. He liked how being in the air gave him complete control of his situation. Nothing had ever clicked with him as much as flying did, as if he were born to be in the air. Keith knew exactly what he was doing, and his future as a fighter pilot looked bright.

~~ <> ~~

        Despite the odds, they all escaped their pursuers with nary a scratch. Well…nothing that wasn’t already inflicted.

        Keith had invited this ragtag rescue team to his home base, giving them time to rest and recover. They had carried Shiro to a small couch on the side of the room, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. The large one—Hunk, he recently learned— hovered by Shiro’s side, hurriedly checking him over for any injuries that needed immediate attention. The small one—Pidge—sat nearby, handing over bandages and salves whenever asked. Hunk appeared to have a small emergency first aid kit packed with him, which seemed surprising to the rest of the group, but it only seemed practical to Keith. He had his own medical supplies, but it had been awhile since he had restocked. Hunk was better prepared, equipped with bandages, tools, and a couple of apparently homemade salves in a small pocket first aid kit. Keith was quite grateful for the extra assistance.

        That Lance guy could barely handle even a few moments of this and had already excused himself. Pidge seemed to be taking it all in stride, but the kid was young. Despite his clipped and clinical tone, his wide eyes and the slight tremor in his hands betrayed him. Hunk carefully and methodically continued checking over his patient, grimacing from time to time when he came across more than a little bit of blood, but otherwise kept a surprisingly level head.

        More and more scars of all shapes and sizes, some more fresh than others, were being discovered on Shiro as his tattered shirt and bodysuit were gradually stripped down to his waist. Some open wounds were found and quickly patched up, while others were only recently scabbed over. Shiro seemed to be suffering from malnourishment, as Pidge put it. The man’s skin was too pale, and Keith could count every single one of his ribs. Keith felt like he was going to be sick. However, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the room.

~~ <> ~~

        “What were you even thinking?” came an incredulous voice. Seventeen years old but at the moment feeling so, so young, Keith sat hunched over against the bathroom wall. He could only bring himself to look up slightly, gazing at a set of booted feet in front of him.

        “Don’t you have some super important moon mission you should be getting ready  for…?” the teen murmured sullenly. He didn’t want to deal with this right now…

        “Keith.” There was an extra edge to Shiro’s voice this time, and something in the boy’s heart clenched painfully. At that moment, Keith’s mind flooded with childhood memories of being scolded by his parents after swiping the last cookie from the jar, or tracking mud through the house. Except this time, he’d gotten into another fight. Keith gritted his teeth and finally looked up to meet his instructor’s eyes.

        “He was asking for it.” Keith rasped, still a bit breathless from a recent kick to his gut. He was sure a bruise was forming there, as well as probably everywhere else. Shiro glanced over his injuries and let out a long, weary sigh. He then slid down to sit next to his charge.

        “What happened?” he asked, softer this time. Keith’s shoulders sagged, and he brought his knees up to his chest.

        “There was a guy.” Keith paused, and Shiro nodded, urging him to continue. “He was with this girl. They…he was…she kept telling him to stop touching her, and…he…it was terrible, Shiro.” His hands slowly curled into fists, a cold anger burning in his eyes. “He was about to do something really horrible and disgusting to her. She called for help. So…I helped.”  He ran a hand through his hair. “I would have stepped in even if she didn’t ask though.”

        Shiro took a moment to process this new information. He then smiled grimly, throwing an arm over his friend’s shoulder. “You’ll have to tell me more about this guy so we can work on getting him expelled.” he stated, more than a little angry that a student here would even attempt such a heinous act. Keith stared at him in surprise.

        “You believe me?” He asked hopefully. Shiro raised an eyebrow.

        “Of course! Why wouldn’t I?” Keith looked down again.

        “The principal doesn’t. He thinks it was just another one of my stupid fights…I think he wanted me expelled.” he grumbled. Shiro shook his head at that.

        “Not on my watch they won’t. Trust me, I’m going to help set this right.” he ruffled Keith’s hair affectionately, causing the younger boy to squawk indignantly and bat his hand away. “You’re going to be just fine. I’ll make sure of it.”

        “Gee, thanks.” Keith mumbled sulkily, but the  meaning was sincere. He attempted to smooth down his now mussed hair, with little success. Shiro laughed.

        “You’re welcome. Now…” he stood up, offering a hand to Keith. “Why don’t we get you cleaned up before that talk with the principal?”

~~ <> ~~

        Shiro was screaming again.

        He had awoken a few moments before, eyes glassy and listless from what was most likely trace amounts of tranquilizers lingering in his system. He looked confused and in slight distress, and Keith had come forward to explain the situation, that he was safe now, or that he was back on Earth. Anything to bring his friend some semblance of peace. He only got a few words in before it all went to hell.

        Shiro’s eyes had snapped wide open, and Keith only had a brief second to duck to the side before a metal fist was thrown in his direction. Keith immediately dropped to the floor and rolled, trying to get away. Hunk cried out in surprise and quickly moved in front of Pidge, as if to protect the kid. They all stared in horror as Shiro flew into a blind panic, knocking over the meager amount of Keith’s personal possessions and attacking just about anything within range. He kept yelling words that none of them could understand, apparently in another language altogether. He clawed at the wall, as if trying to escape. But from what?

        “What the heck is going on?!” Lance called from the doorway, causing everyone to look up at him. Seeing more people only seemed to aggravate Shiro further, his actions becoming increasingly violent and frantic. Keith could only watch dumbly, completely at a loss of what to do.

~~ <> ~~

        His eyes were trained on the dorm’s small television, wide and unseeing. There was a news reporter speaking on the small, private screen, her voice becoming an intelligible stream of words. Text flashed across the screen. Keith didn’t register any of it. It had all fallen away after the first announcement. It continued to play over and over in his mind, and even now he was struggling to comprehend it.

        “The Galaxy Garrison mission to the distant moon of Kerberos is missing, and all crew members are believed to be dead. The Galaxy Garrison says that the crash was presumably caused by pilot error…”

        Shiro.

        Shiro had gone missing, along with his exploration team members. Shiro had been so excited to go on this mission.

        Dead.

        Unable to watch any longer, Keith lowered his head into his hands, gripping at his bangs tightly. Most of him felt numb, but there was a terribly familiar pain blossoming in his heart and spreading quickly throughout his body. He had no idea what to do about it.

        Images of that night flashed in front of his mind’s eye, when the police officer arrived on his doorstep. Keith had looked behind the man, asking when his parents would be coming home, for they had been unusually late. The officer had knelt in front of him, and in the gentlest voice possible, he told him how his parents would never come home again. Keith did not understand. He didn’t want to understand. Not until someone came to support and protect him. Someone who offered to share his pain, anchoring him to ensure the grief wouldn’t swallow Keith whole.

        But now that someone was gone.

        Shiro was gone.

        Completely alone and feeling more childish than he had in years, Keith silently wept.

~~ <> ~~

        “Hey…hey. You can get through this. I know you can.” Keith watched as Hunk slowly, ever so slowly, moved towards Shiro. There was fear in his eyes, but he spoke in a soft, reassuring voice, almost as if speaking any louder might break something.

        Earlier, Lance tried to diffuse the situation, but he seemed so upset seeing his “hero” in such a state. His concern was appreciated, but there were just too many people in the small room, and his nervous presence seemed to only make things worse. Hunk had finally requested Pidge and Lance to fetch some water from the well outside. This was supposedly for medical purposes, but Keith knew better. With less people in the room, Shiro’s screaming had died down to a nervous murmur, his frantic attacks becoming frightened twitching. Once he had calmed down a bit, Hunk had started speaking as if to a scared animal. He held his hands up to Shiro as if in surrender, a placating gesture that actually seemed to have some effect.

        “I’m not gonna hurt you.” Hunk reassured carefully. Shiro stared at the large teen with wild eyes, his pupils blown wide in a state of fight or flight. Blood dripped from his flesh hand, small pieces of one of Keith’s favored glass cups embedded in his skin. He was trembling violently, his breathing ragged, irregular and dangerously close to hyperventilation. Shiro continued to quietly mumble alien words, never once taking his eyes off of Hunk. He took an unsteady step backward, but otherwise did not make another violent move. Fear radiated off of Shiro in waves, and Keith couldn’t help thinking that his friend still had not entirely returned to them. His gut twisted in knots at the scene, but he could not make himself look away.

        “Y’see…you’re safe now.” A step forward; Shiro took a step back. “No one in here is going to hurt you, I promise.” A step forward; a step back. “You’re going to be just fine…just let me help you.” A step forward. Shiro’s breath hitched and he lunged forward, slamming his left fist into Hunk’s chest. The large boy winced in pain, but otherwise made no sudden movements. He instead looked down at Shiro’s bruised and bloody hand, frowning in sympathy.

        “May I?” he asked. Shiro’s eyes darted between his hand and Hunk’s face, but he made no move to pull away. Keith watched as Hunk took Shiro’s hand in his own larger ones, slowly and carefully inspecting it. He took some tweezers out of his pocket and began removing each and every glass shard, dropping them to the side in a small pile. All the while he kept up a calming stream of words, comforting and praising his patient for making it this far. Shiro seemed to be starting to relax under these ministrations, his breathing beginning to even out and the alien words petering off into silence.

        By the time Hunk had cleaned the wounds and wrapped his hand in bandages, Shiro had sunk to his knees, looking utterly exhausted. Hunk knelt down in front of him and began asking simple questions to get his patient talking. Shiro responded to each question, albeit weakly, and Keith was beyond relieved to hear him speaking in English again. Maybe he wasn’t as far gone as he thought. Keith just hated seeing his friend looking so defeated…it wasn’t right.

        Hunk turned to meet Keith’s eyes, as if he just remembered he was there.

        “H-Hey, would you mind…um…making some tea for him? I think that’d really help.” he asked, seeming a bit nervous to be asking the host of the house to prepare a drink. Keith nodded in understanding, turning to leave. He had been dismissed like the other two. But it was also a chance to help, something he’d been stupidly incapable of doing lately. He should probably check on Lance and Pidge, to make sure they didn’t get lost on their way to finding water. He’d need that water. And a fire to heat it up. Anything to help.

        On his way outside, Keith heard a soft, broken sob from the room behind him, followed by quiet shushing and gentle words that he was too far away to understand. He wished he had left faster.

~~ <> ~~

        Keith had dropped out of the Galaxy Garrison. They always said he had been reckless, and he had been getting into more and more fights. In flight practice, they said he’s been putting his life in danger with the stunts he pulled; he took too many risks.

        Keith already knew this, but that didn’t stop his peers from telling him so every chance they got. He was tired; tired of them, tired of the fighting, tired of the Garrison…tired of the numb feeling of grief crushing his chest. No one believed in him anymore. He no longer felt like he belonged there. So he quit, stole a hover-bike, and set off on his own.

        Traversing the desert, Keith discovered many things. Ancient ruins dusted with age and crumbling to sand. Dark caves with walls covered in strange pictures, some of which seemed to tug at him in an almost unnatural way. An abandoned home with an old water well nearby, a bit run down but inhabitable with a little care and repairs. It also was not too far from a little desert village, where he could do some odd jobs and stock up on more living supplies. Keith made himself at home.

        Sitting on the newly repaired porch, Keith stared wistfully up at the star studded sky. It was beautiful and endless, and he couldn’t help the small pang of loneliness at how small he felt compared to this vast sky.

        There was something about this place, something calling him to search. For what, he was not sure, but there was a board in his new home covered in possible answers. Something big was coming. How he knew that was lost on him, but he was willing to wait.

        And wait he did.

~~ <> ~~

        Emerging from the doorway into the open desert air, Keith combed a hand through his hair, trying to steady his nerves. A little ways ahead, he could see Shiro standing on a small hill, his figure silhouetted by the rising sun. There was something strikingly lonely about the figure on the horizon. Keith strode forward to meet him.

        “It’s good to have you back.” Keith said, clasping a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Shiro gave a weak smile in return.

        “It’s good to be back.” he responded warmly, folding his arms tightly against his chest to steady his still somewhat shaky hands. Keith recognized it as a defensive gesture.

        “So what happened out there?” Keith asked, his brow furrowing in barely restrained worry. “Where…were you?” He was dead. I thought you were dead. Shiro let out a very tired sigh.

        “I wish I could tell you. My head’s still pretty scrambled…” Shiro squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to remember even a fragment of the previous year. “I was on an…alien ship; somehow I escaped.” His eyes opened again, looking thoroughly confused as he gazed across the sandy expanse in front of him. “It’s all a blur.”

        It was clear to Keith that the ghosts of the previous night still clung tightly to Shiro. He was much calmer than he had been a few hours ago and was acting almost normal. But Keith could not help but notice the differences after that dreadful year. His friend’s eyes remained gentle, but there was now a haunted, almost frenzied light to them that Keith had never seen in anyone before. There was exhaustion etched into his face, completely overshadowing the laugh lines that Keith remembered so clearly. But worst of all was his right arm. It was just…gone. Replaced with something so completely alien and cold and just...wrong. Keith’s stomach turned whenever he looked at it. He didn’t like thinking about how it got there.

        “How did you know to come save me when I crashed?” Shiro asked, turning to look back at Keith. The teen grimaced, guilt seizing him. He hadn’t known. He didn’t know what he’d find in that science facility, but he never would have expected--never could have hoped--that it’d be Shiro. Shiro was dead. Keith had long ago given up on Shiro.

        Even with those guilty thoughts invading his mind, Keith looked up at his friend and realized that now was no time for self-pity. It was time to explain himself. He pushed his dark thoughts to the side.

        “You should come see this,” Keith answered, turning towards the house and gesturing for Shiro to follow him. As they walked down the hill together, the sun continued to rise higher in the sky, chasing away the last traces of the night and bathing the world in a warm, comforting light. Keith welcomed that warmth, letting it flood his thoughts and banish the darkness of the past year for good.                                                                  

~~ < END > ~~

A.N. So um... yeah, amnesia or no, Shiro's been through hell. Then he finally got to Earth and got experimented on by his own people, forcibly knocked out in a distressed and disoriented state...I figured he'd wake up the same way, his brain eventually shutting out the memories for him to cope somewhat.

I used Hunk as the medic because 1. I love Hunk. And 2. Idk he seems like he has some medical expertise, and Xi seemed to agree so I went with it? He fixes things, and he's the voice of reason for the team most of the time and that's kind of what Shiro needed. Scared yes, but willing to push past to help with the apparent panic attack...Hunk would probably know a thing or two about dealing with those, poor thing. Sorry I couldn’t work everyone in more evenly, it got too crowded for me otherwise! Still I hope it was somewhat enjoyable ;v;

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #165

UPDATE 165: Catching Up in the New Timeline

Last time the retcon had been officially finished, since the fruits of this endeavor were shown. Things are better now, in more ways than one. In other news, the Wonderkids are going to be sealed in Caliborn’s juju at some point in the futurepast. So let’s continue!

So, everyone is gathered at Skaia, or more concretely right underneath it, on the platform where the door to the new universe tends to be. This can’t be endgame, because it’d be an anticlimactic ending, so it’s kind of a strange spot to gather at. What are you doing, guys?

Let’s see...Jane and Jade are still unconscious. Tavrosprite – yeah, that’s a thing, courtesy of Vriska. Maybe a good move? – is with Jake, Terezi and Vriska are to a side, Rose and Kanaya are over there, Dave and Karkaroni are over here...oh, good, the Vagabond isn’t child-sized anymore. Those are the current groups, so it isn’t like there’s a strategy discussion right now unless they’re shouting it as loud as possible. Maybe they’re just waiting for Jane and Jade to wake up.

Someone should take the tiara off Jane’s head.

Vriska and Dave manage to have a conversation from opposite sides of the platform, so I’m choosing to believe they’re really shouting as loud as they can.

DAVE: is it time yet  VRISKA: No.  DAVE: oh  DAVE: how about now  VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!  VRISKA: Dave, we've 8een w8ing for three years. 

I can’t believe they all have been sitting here for three years! Haha, no, I get it. So they’re waiting for John to appear, and since it’s unlikely he and his huge-ass planet are going to plop right in middle of this tiny platform and crash against Skaia in a cataclysm of universal proportions, he’s going to appear somewhere else, so it’s a matter of waiting for John to fly over here. Wonder if they know Roxy is going to come with him?

They know. Vriska seems to have found facts and stuff. Guess it comes with the territory of being a Light player, and since Terezi is a Seer...yeah, it makes sense.

VRISKA: I don't know the full extent of John's alt-reality experiences either. 8ut apparently things went raw for them in a8out as many ways as you can imagine.  VRISKA: Presuma8ly 8ecause I wasn't around to keep everyone's shit in order.

Oh, shut your trap. She’s not wrong, but let’s not pour all the credit on her. Partial credit is fine.

Tavrosprite continues singing the Praises of Vriska. Hm, I guess the Tavros this sprite is forming is a different Tavros from the one that went away flying from the ship in those dead bubble antics, which doesn’t make much sense, now that I think about it. I’m not sure how the whole soul thing is supposed to work, but I suppose that, since Vriska never died and dead Tavros never had the chance to look for rings and swab decks then he experienced a completely different dream bubble experience, separate from the Tavros that did go through all that. Uh, what I’m trying to say is that it seems two Tavros spawned from the same corpse, maybe because these are now different timelines. Yeah. Look, it’s complicated, okay? It’s Homestuck. Every time a complicated question is asked maybe that should be the default answer.

Karkaroni requests an infodump for the sake of the readers, so we are all brought up to speed on how the decisions about the sprites are like in this timeline. Oh, now that I think about it, does that mean there are two empty kernelsprites? Make sure they don’t prototype each other, guys, this session doesn’t need a black hole.

The circumstances regarding void sessions haven’t changed at all, but what I’m curious about is why Tavros was prototyped. What reason would Vriska have to encourage that? An apology for killing him, perhaps? It doesn’t strike to me like it’s a move to win the session.

ROSE: I was making extensive notes in my journal. When I looked away for a moment, you and Dave wrested the tome away, and began scribbling phalluses in it while giggling like children. 

Oh, that was still a thing. The fun times were preserved. Since making charts about spending time with Terezi was unneeded, I want to believe it was a chart about times to make ‘ill beats’ or something.

So yeah, what’s the deal with the sprites nowadays, Karkaroni still wonders. Vriska explains that she gathered all the bodies while they all turned their backs on them – like it’s Homestuck tradition – and stashed them somewhere, and just like I thought, she made Tavrosprite as a way to make amends. ARquius was a tactical move, since he’s a good strategist. And maybe because that’s necessary for the timeline to stay intact, given that ARquius is necessary for Lord English to exist. Say, you know what this means? That half of Lord English is “a fucking tactical genius. VRISKA: Totally conniving and calcul8ting, and unafraid to use methods that are just a 8IT morally du8ious to achieve his o8jectives.” What a wonderful thought.

VRISKA: And since I can't stick around for too long, your party is going to need someone like that. 

Where is she going? She’s not dying again, that much I’m sure.

The tiaratop is being disabled, good! That was something that needed to be done. Now if there was a way to guarantee Jade can’t be controlled again in any way...

Nobody else is going to be revived with the sprites, so they’re all staying dead. Too bad, Nepeta, Sollux, Feferi and Eridan! You are permanently dead. At least Vriska won’t condemn anyone to live as a bizarre amalgamation of personalities. Terezi is arguing Nepeta and Feferi should be brought back, since they did nothing wrong and Eridan did everything wrong, but Vriska won’t budge. She’s saving the sprites as a resurrection backup in case someone dies. That’s...hm...would a god tier player prototyped in a sprite have any of the god tier powers? I don’t know if this is a good idea.

Vriska proceeds to manipulate Terezi so she does what Vriska wants: not contradict her plans. Augh.

Dave attempts to argue about Vriska’s status as the leader because she kind of sat on the throne and proclaimed herself the leader. Nobody is really arguing that, but Dave tries to make sure Karkaroni is okay with being ousted. Maybe he is? He didn’t seem enthused about leadership after how everything ended for the trolls in the meteor, what with five dead in horrible ways.

KARKAT: ALRIGHT SERKET, THEN I'LL MAKE THIS A LOT EASIER FOR YOU, AND THE TEAM AS A WHOLE.  KARKAT: STARTING NOW, I HEREBY RENOUNCE MY ROLE AS A LEADER OF THIS GROUP, OR ANY, FOREVER!  KARKAT: VRISKA ALONG WITH HER TACTICAL VIRTUOUSITY AND MONSTROUS EGO ARE MORE THAN SUITED FOR THE ROLE.  KARKAT: AND IF, WHEN, AND TO *WHEREVER* SHE EVENTUALLY DECIDES TO FUCK OFF FOR MYSTERIOUS, YET-TO-BE-EXPLAINED REASONS, THEN ANYBODY ELSE WHO FEELS INCLINED CAN SLIDE RIGHT INTO THAT POSITION, SO LONG AS IT ISN'T ME!!!

It’s a bit disheartening to see Karkat renouncing to leadership like that. I don’t think he was doing a half-bad job, murderous people aside.

There they are! John and Roxy arrived. Perfect! John is more than happy to see everyone again, even those he doesn’t know at all. Roxy can just stare and stammer, notably bashful. Must be because Rose is right there. About time for a mother/daughter and mother/daughter reunion, I’d say!

There we go! That was long overdue. This should help Roxy come to terms with the horrors of the other timeline.

The first thing John does upon landing is give Terezi credit for fixing the timeline and ask about how the dragon plush affected anything. Turns out it was Terezi trolling John once again. You’re too easy of a target, John! Then again, it wasn’t like he could afford not following the instructions. He was dealt a lousy hand since the beginning, hah! Once again Terezi proves to be the one competent troll-as-in-trolling in this story.

VRISKA: I've received quite a few 8eatings in my time, and not only did I have each one coming, 8ut they all led to 8ig changes for me, on the road to 8ecoming the impecca8ly evolved person I am now. 

Well she still has the ridiculously inflated ego and the attitude I’m sure like half of the Homestuck readers loathe, but it doesn’t seem like she has gotten worse. I’ll just...be satisfied with that.

Rose seems to be having a bit of a hard time not calling Roxy mom, she’s just happy to have her. The sentiment is mutual, too. Jake is shy, Tavrosprite is conversational and makes John keep walking, and there are the guys John was going to. Hello, Dave, Karkaroni. Have fistbumps.

Nobody should be woken up yet, not until the brainwashing problem is solved, but yeah, Jade is going to be very happy once she sees John again. It can’t have been easy to spend three years alone in a battleship. True, she had the chess people and the consorts, but that doesn’t replace human interaction, does it? Then again, she...she spent like nine years or so living alone in the island. Hopefully that helped dull a bit the pain of losing John.

JOHN: hey, what about dave sprite?  DAVE: dead  JOHN: noooo! 

And the Davesprite from the other timeline didn’t come with them, unless he was conveniently roosting somewhere in John’s planet. Guess he’s out of the story now.

Now that John and Roxy arrived, it’s time to do stuff! Hah, okay, no, they’re going to continue sitting around and wait. This session is filled with waiting. Now they wait for the bad guys to arrive to the session, since they all had been thrown outside. Would that mean the end of Homestuck? Defeating all the villains? And they need to wait for Dirk, too. He may be vital for whatever’s going to happen.

Eight options?! Oh god, this is going to take me like five updates, won’t it? Guess this liveblog is going to come to a standstill, plot-wise. Well what’s one going to do, I don’t think there’s merit in skipping any of this, so I better buckle up and start going. The sooner I start; the sooner I’ll be done.

Karkaroni, John and Dave are the first ones in the list. Let’s see what’s to see over here.

KARKAT: YES. YES!  KARKAT: I LOVE THIS.  KARKAT: CAN WE SPEND OUR WHOLE REMINISCENCE JUST DESTROYING VRISKA, SLIGHTLY ABOVE AUDIBLE LEVEL?  VRISKA: Slightly?  VRISKA: Karkat, you only have one volume setting.  KARKAT: WOW, FUCK YOU?!  DAVE: ok dude maybe lets not spend our paltime trash talking serket if only cus theres no way youre not getting repeatedly trounced exactly just like that  KARKAT: FFFFFFFFFFFFFYEAH.  KARKAT: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 

Alright, that was a good one. Hah, Karkat simply can’t get away with something without being made fun of at least once. He also apologizes to John for all the shouting through the chat client, it may have been because he was nervous and flustered, and because, you know, he was crushing on John – and these are all teenagers, that can’t have helped. John doesn’t even remember any of that, so all Karkaroni is doing is once again embarrass himself. Really, he can’t catch a break.

I don’t think rapping about the previous black romance feelings is going to be of much help, Dave. On the other hand, does this mean Dave has been teaching Karkaroni to rap? Huh.

I had forgotten how hard it was for me to find the main idea in Dave’s ramblings. This is like...college-grade interpretative literary analysis challenges. I’m not completely positive about what I’m reading, but I think John may be hitting the nail on the head here.

JOHN: i think i mostly agree?  JOHN: but...  JOHN: ummmm, how do i put this.  JOHN: are you...  JOHN: are you gay now?  DAVE: what no  KARKAT: (THE WORDS. WHY WON'T THE WORDS STOP. DEAR GOD.)  JOHN: i dunno, it sounds to me like you're trying tell me something here! 

Well, congratulations for sharing that, Dave. Perhaps you should talk it with Dirk.

JOHN: um, were you and karkat...  JOHN: ARE you and karkat, like.  JOHN: hmm.

Well they seem to be rather close now, that’s for sure. It’s not really dating until both say or admit to each other they’re dating, and trust me on this: there’s no way Dave or Karkat are going to say they’re dating. Their personalities and stubbornness are too ingrained for that.

KARKAT: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.  KARKAT: I RETREAT TO MY SAFE PLACE, AND YET THE WORDS. THE STUPID FUCKING PRATTLE JOCKEYING LIKE ROWDY BARNBEASTS UP AGAINST THE PARTITIONS OF GOOD FUCKING SENSE AND THE MOST BASIC OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. 

Told you. But yeah, it seems Dave’s rambling is mostly because being around trolls has made him more susceptible to troll concepts, or so I understand. John would have gone through the same if he had been on the meteor, and that includes maybe understanding black romance.

...

...

...

...Karkaroni just told John the feelings of frustration and being annoyed and all, and also considering Terezi a good friend with traits to admire despite all that, are the landmarks of a black romance crush. Hah! Now that’s something unseen! Congratulations on your newlyfound black feelings, John! You’re officially multicultural!

KARKAT: YEAH, THAT'S IT, RIGHT THERE!!!  KARKAT: THE "BUT" IS ALWAYS PART OF IT.  KARKAT: WHAT YOU'RE *TRYING* TO SAY IS, YOU HAD FRUSTRATED, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS TOWARD HER, BUT THEY DON'T COMPREHENSIVELY ACCOUNT FOR YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD HER.  KARKAT: MEANING, THERE ARE SOME THINGS ABOUT HER YOU ACTUALLY LIKE, BUT THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS MAKE IT HARD FOR YOU TO PUT YOUR FINGER ON THEM, OR EVEN WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEM.  KARKAT: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY STANDARD. WHAT GOOD WOULD IT BE HAVING A KISMESIS WHO DIDN'T POSSESS QUALITIES YOU ACTUALLY ADMIRED ON SOME LEVEL?  KARKAT: THAT WOULD BE BORING, AND IT WOULDN'T EVEN WORK. THERE'D BE NO TENSION, NO PUSH AND PULL IN THE TURBULENT EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE. THE SUBTLE POSITIVES ADD FUEL TO THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS, OFTEN GIVING THEM A REASON TO EXIST AT ALL. THEY INFLAME THE AGGRAVATING FACTORS, REMINDING YOU DEEP DOWN HOW MUCH YOU WOULD LIKE AND ADMIRE THIS PERSON IF IT WASN'T FOR ALL THEIR INFURIATING FLAWS, AND THE INCREDIBLE SENSE OF FRUSTRATION THAT CAUSES ALONG WITH ALL THE ASSOCIATED HOT-HEADED FEELINGS, THAT'S THE ESSENCE OF BLACK ROMANCE.  KARKAT: AND THE POSITIVE QUALITIES YOU SEE DEEP DOWN IN A KISMESIS ALSO SERVE AS THE BASIS FOR RED FEELINGS TOWARD THAT PERSON, ASSUMING THE RELATIONSHIP EVER STARTS TO VACILLATE.  KARKAT: IT'S ALL PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD, REALLY. 

That actually makes sense! It would never be a romance like trolls picture it, but it’s not unheard it could propel a love relationship. Rivalries based on mutual respect can grow into friendship and something further than that, that much is true. John is in complete denial about all that. If it makes you feel better, John, I really, really doubt Terezi feels the same way about you. She’s just messing with you because you’re a gullible dork who gets tangled in her pranks.

The discussion about Davesprite and Jade’s romance will have to wait for later, for when she’s awake and prepared to listen to all of that. Given that Davesprite exploded horribly too in John’s planet...that may be a touchy topic for her.

About Roxy:

DAVE: it sounds like you like her  JOHN: i do!  DAVE: no i mean  DAVE: actually like her  JOHN: oh.  JOHN: ... uh, hm.  JOHN: i don't know.  JOHN: maybe.  DAVE: wow dude after one day maybe you should slow your roll 

At this point that’s pretty much a trait John has, I haven’t forgotten he is Mr. I Want to Date Vriska After One Day of Knowing Her.

Speaking of Rose and Roxy reunion, I’ll go for that now. They’re very excited, but can’t think of any meaningful discussions, the enjoyment of seeing each other is too much for them. There’s nothing wrong with being in comfortable silence, don’t be afraid of doing that. But after a moment of just going in circles, Rose decides this is a prime chance of getting some answers about Mom Lalonde.

ROSE: Do...  ROSE: You really like wizards? 

The answer is not a surprise. There you go, Rose, it wasn’t an ironic passive-aggressive way of spiting you. How does that make you feel?

ROSE: But I've come to see that as mostly my fault. I was too young to understand her. 

You were too young, too paranoid and too smart for your own good. Mom Lalonde was a good-natured woman who had a very hard time connecting with her daughter and also had a serious drinking problem, you two are equally at fault, I’d say, but it’s not because any of you was malicious about it.

Kanaya is interested in Rose’s purple-prose filled wizard books. The bonding culminates in Rose and Roxy agreeing to share the rough drafts of their stories. That’s sweet, this is the kind of content I was waiting for regarding Rose and Roxy. They even have the chance to talk about the grieving they felt when the doomed counterparts died.

The drinking habits were an attempt to connect with their deceased mothers. A lot of these characters’ problems are an attempt to connect with other people, I’d say.

That was a nice chain of dialogue, I really liked it. There’s something nice in seeing people bond. Okay, next, Tavrosprite and Jake. Curious combination, huh. They’re getting along because they’re shy people.

JAKE: You have always been the one ray of light shining through the clouds in what has otherwise been an emotionally stormy game experience for me.  JAKE: Im so grateful that you found it in your ghostly bosom to drift over to lomax now and then to cheer me up.  JAKE: Often enough to give me a real pickmeup when feeling blue over friend problems but just seldom enough to feel like a rare delight when you did. 

Unlike Erisolsprite? This timeline is truly better than the other one.

The problem Jake has is that he feels too chained by his guilt to feel brave about talking to people right now, because he doesn’t feel ready to talk about his mistakes, whether it’s because they’re knocked out, or somewhere away in the session, or currently enjoying time with her mother/daughter. I’m sure many can relate to that.

I didn’t expect Tavros to actually be a supportive pillar for Jake. That’s nice, and lots better than the Tavros who let confidence get to his head. Good!

TAVROSPRITE: yOUR BRAIN IS COMPLICATED THEN,  TAVROSPRITE: i'M GUESSING IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SOME SORT OF GENIUS,

...uh, maybe? In some vague way, maybe, because in other ways Jake is as dumb as a bag of nails. Tavros continues being supportive, and then brings up something I really didn’t see coming.

TAVROSPRITE: nOT RELATED TO THAT, hAVE i MENTIONED,  TAVROSPRITE: yOU'RE ACTUALLY QUITE HANDSOME FOR A HUMAN, 

That’s kind of a random comment in this support session. Tavros, what’s going through that mind of yours, exactly? Don’t tell me you have somehow fallen in love with Jake. Really.

Shut up, Vriska, your contribution wasn’t needed here.

Well I think I’m stopping for now, now it’s Terezi and Vriska’s turn. Leaving that for next time. I’m breezing through these options quicker than I expected, maybe in the next update I’ll be done with them!

Next update: two updates

[krisiunicornio]

Best-selling Ayurvedic author Sahara Rose Ketabi has made a life out of modernizing ancient wisdom.

Sahara Rose Ketabi

Sahara Rose Ketabi wants me to stop watching scary movies. We chat about this as we ride the elevator down from her sixth-floor apartment overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Los Angeles’ Pacific Palisades. She never watches horror films. Art plants seeds in our minds that can grow and become real, she tells me: “It changes your subconscious and creates possibilities of atrocities that you would never have thought of on your own. Then it’s in your subconscious, and it keeps leaking in. So then you’re manifesting more of—not that specific thing per se—but scenarios that go along with it.”

I tell her how I’m still trying to unsee 2019’s Midsommar, which is gruesome and harrowing in a way I wish my mind could forget. Ketabi nods, although she has not seen it. Manifesting is one of her super powers, and she’s not about to muck that up for a cheap thrill. Ask her about it, and she’ll tell you detailed accounts of how she’s attracted her life’s greatest successes: a foreword written by one of her heroes, Deepak Chopra, in her very first book, back when she was living in her grandparents’ apartment after college; her husband, whom she dubbed her “God Man” and says she communicated with through meditation before they ever met; and her latest endeavor, Rose Gold Goddesses, a worldwide collective of spiritual women seeking enlightenment and sisterhood.

See also Deepak Chopra on What It Means to Discover Your True Potential

I first met Ketabi in August 2018 when I was interviewing yoga and meditation teacher Rosie Acosta for a cover story that ran in December of that year. Ketabi had just received the first advance copies of her contemporary Ayurvedic cookbook Eat Feel Fresh, and she’d brought a few over to Acosta’s Laurel Canyon home to promote its October release on Acosta’s wellness podcast, Radically Loved. I honestly hadn’t heard of Ketabi, but I should have. By then, her own podcast, Highest Self, had hit No. 1 in the spirituality category, and The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda was already a bestseller in the Ayurveda space—thanks in part to the foreword and cover quote she managed to score from Chopra.

A Fated Meeting with Deepak Chopra

How did that happen? In May 2017, Ketabi spontaneously decided to attend a yoga and science conference while she was visiting New York City. She was bored, sitting in the very back of a jam-packed auditorium, plotting her escape. “I’m thinking, Right now, the only thing that could keep me here is if Deepak Chopra walks on stage,” she tells me, leaning back into the corner of her sectional as we eat sashimi in her living room. “And then they’re like, ‘OK, time for a lunch break. Now, a word from our sponsor, Deepak Chopra.’” In that moment, the alternative medicine megastar walked on stage, waved “Hello, everyone,” and casually walked off, signaling a break in the event.

Ketabi was a precocious child, growing up in the Newton suburb of Boston with parents who had both immigrated from Iran—her father to attend MIT, her mother to continue her own education after the 1979 Islamic Revolution resulted in the shuttering of universities. Ketabi recalls an elementary school assignment where she was asked to dress up as her favorite celebrity for a presentation. “She dressed up as Gandhi,” her brother, Amir, recalls from Boston, where he lives. “Literally, white robe.” Their father had showed them the 1983 Academy Award–winning film Gandhi as children. “We talked about violence and peace and meditation and the significance of it all,” says Amir. “It had an impact on both of us, but she really took it a step further.” As a preteen, Ketabi threw herself into learning about spiritual leaders and changemakers such as Mother Teresa and Ida B. Wells, using books as a roadmap for what her own path could look like. Eventually she picked up a book by Chopra. “He’s always been a major figure in my life,” she says. “My parents and I would get into fights, and I’d be like, ‘One day I’m going to be like Deepak Chopra!’”

See also How Deepak Chopra's Law of Pure Potentiality Can Transform Your Body, Mind, and Spirit

So there he was, at the foot of the stage, a thousand people between the two of them—an amorphous mob trying to exit the auditorium like cattle—and Ketabi started bum-rushing the stage. When she reached Chopra, he was mid-conversation. Eventually he turned to her.

Ketabi introduced herself and asked Chopra if she could send him a PDF of her forthcoming book; he agreed and gave her his email address.

“So I’m like, This is the pinnacle of my whole life,” Ketabi says excitedly. “I have Deepak Chopra’s email; now what am I going to do with it?” She meditated for eight hours that day, imagining Chopra writing an endorsement for the book. “I’m thinking, This is exactly what I need to get this book out into more people’s hands. If he writes a quote, more people will read it, and it will benefit more lives.”

Chopra did read her manuscript, and as we now know, he wrote the foreword to The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda (and later, Eat Feel Fresh). He also invited Ketabi to be a faculty member on his wellness app Jiyo, which led to the two of them hosting a 31-day Ayurveda transformation challenge together and to Ketabi’s online Intro to Ayurveda course. Today they’re collaborating on an Ayurvedic certification program through Chopra Global. “It’s been a joy to watch Sahara grow and expand in the past few years,” Chopra told me in an email. “She is a true example of embodying her own dharma.”

Ketabi says what’s fueled her entire life is living in alignment with her dharma, which is the theme of her next book, Discover Your Dharma, coming next year. Early on, she decided that her purpose “in this lifetime” was to be of service to humanity. Because of this, she started volunteering with at-risk youth in Boston at 13 (after she’d started practicing yoga a year earlier). When she was 15, through a global justice program at her high school, she went to Costa Rica to work in a prison and care for orphans. That same year, she started her school’s chapter of Amnesty International. “I was very into reading about Howard Zinn and counterculture and how we can create change,” she says. “I was organizing protests all the time and bringing in speakers to talk about the Iraq war, genocide in the Congo, and forced rendition.” At 16, she helped build a preschool in Nicaragua—at 17, a community center in Thailand.

“She marches to her own beat,” says Amir. “As a 13-, 14-year-old girl, she was very aware of her privilege. Being first-generation Iranian, we were exposed to a lot of the truths of the world at an earlier age than most—we were having Israel-Palestine discussions in middle school. And Sahara was just adamant that she needed to go out there and try to make a difference and learn about the world.”

"The constant chattering in my mind diminished, and I could think more clearly"

The Journey to Ayurveda

Ketabi attended George Washington University in 2009 to study international affairs and development, intent on becoming an international human rights lawyer. But as she dove in beyond her coursework, interning at NGOs around DC, she grew depressed, depleted, out of touch with her dharma. Soliciting money via an endless revolving door of fundraisers didn’t feel in line with her greater purpose. “I wanted to help people,” she says. “In DC, everything is so political. I could see I was just losing myself in the politics and I wasn’t using my creativity.”

To make matters worse, Ketabi’s physical health was failing. She transferred to Boston University to be closer to her family and started a blog (the first iteration of Eat Feel Fresh) to share some of the recipes and positive psychology she was studying in her free time to try and combat undiagnosed digestive issues. It was through writing and sharing her journey directly with readers that she tapped back into her higher calling. Armed with a newfound hope, she enrolled to become a certified health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.

See also 7 Chakra-balancing Ayurvedic Soup Recipes

At 21 years old, Ketabi was 87 pounds with hypothalamic amenorrhea when, through her coursework, she discovered Ayurveda—the ancient system of medicine based on the idea that health is achieved through balancing bodily systems using diet, herbal treatments, and yogic breathwork. “All my health problems—but also my personality—were explained,” Ketabi says. Suddenly her body started to heal. “The first thing I noticed was that I could sleep at night,” she says. “The constant chattering in my mind diminished, and I could think more clearly. I felt more grounded and peaceful than ever before. And I could finally digest food without curling up on the couch in pain.”

Unsatisfied with the limited resources available to study Ayurveda in the US, Ketabi went to India to attend Ayurveda school outside of Delhi. As a Persian American who is 50 percent Indian, she had always felt a deep connection with India and its culture. For two years, she immersed herself in Ayurvedic philosophy and began thinking about how to update it for contemporaries: For instance, traditional Ayurveda doesn’t allow for the consumption of raw foods—which makes sense when you consider the contaminated soil and lack of refrigeration in Ancient India, she says. However, modern nutrition encourages us to eat fresh raw fruits and vegetables, so she’s reformed certain recipes accordingly.

See also Putting Ayurvedic Theory IRL Terms: What Your Dosha Really Says About You

Channeling the Goddess Archetypes for Connection and Transformation

It was while studying Ayurveda in India that Ketabi began leading goddess retreats (see Find Your Inner Goddess). She had grown up surrounded by imagery of Persian and Indian deities, but it was her yoga practice and her travels to India, she says, that brought her deeper into her study of Hindu and Vedic goddesses. As I write this, Ketabi is preparing for the LA launch party celebrating Rose Gold Goddesses, her online platform for spiritual women to connect, converse, plan meetups, and explore the goddess archetypes from cultures around the world. Members have access to a Monthly Goddess Guide full of yoga practices, rituals, meditations, music, mantras, mudras, and journaling prompts—all related to each month’s chosen goddess. She texts me a little video of herself “getting glammed up” for the event, her face painted in the likeness of the Hindu goddess Kali, destroyer of evil forces.

See also The Yogini's Guide to Starting Your Own Women’s Circle

When I asked her about criticisms regarding cultural appropriation, she was cool and confident and largely unfazed. “Am I allowed to talk about goddesses if I didn’t grow up in a polytheistic religion?” she asks me rhetorically. “Goddesses exist and have always existed in every religion and every culture—it’s a universal archetype that we can all step into.” We have just finished lunch and are getting into it in her living room like old friends might. “We’re human beings,” she says. “But some people are so focused on our differences instead of our similarities.”

I visit Ketabi again at home on a cloudless Friday in September when Rose Gold Goddesses has been live for almost a month. The goddess she has chosen to celebrate this month is Saraswati, goddess of knowledge, music, art, and nature. Ketabi has organized a little gathering of friends at her home for a goddess ceremony, a ritual to honor the divine feminine, creativity, and, of course, Saraswati.

We assemble in her living room, sunshine pouring in from all angles, and Ketabi opens by blessing each of us with a single rose: The flower signifies “beauty, elegance, strength, and wisdom,” she says. But also, “Roses are not to be trifled with. You can’t just get a rose and make it your own. She has thorns, she’ll fight back.” This represents all of us in the circle right now, she tells us, post #MeToo, in Trump’s America. “As women, we want to share our beauty and the full spectrum of who we are, but there’s this dark spot in society that makes us feel like we’re not safe.” And yet we are all here, supporting women in the community and thriving in our personal and professional lives. And why is that? She asks, then answers: “It’s because we’re the rose.”

For more information on goddess archetypes, take Sahara's quiz and check out her oracle deck and guidebook, A Yogic Path.

[cedarrrun]

Best-selling Ayurvedic author Sahara Rose Ketabi has made a life out of modernizing ancient wisdom.

Sahara Rose Ketabi

Sahara Rose Ketabi wants me to stop watching scary movies. We chat about this as we ride the elevator down from her sixth-floor apartment overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Los Angeles’ Pacific Palisades. She never watches horror films. Art plants seeds in our minds that can grow and become real, she tells me: “It changes your subconscious and creates possibilities of atrocities that you would never have thought of on your own. Then it’s in your subconscious, and it keeps leaking in. So then you’re manifesting more of—not that specific thing per se—but scenarios that go along with it.”

I tell her how I’m still trying to unsee 2019’s Midsommar, which is gruesome and harrowing in a way I wish my mind could forget. Ketabi nods, although she has not seen it. Manifesting is one of her super powers, and she’s not about to muck that up for a cheap thrill. Ask her about it, and she’ll tell you detailed accounts of how she’s attracted her life’s greatest successes: a foreword written by one of her heroes, Deepak Chopra, in her very first book, back when she was living in her grandparents’ apartment after college; her husband, whom she dubbed her “God Man” and says she communicated with through meditation before they ever met; and her latest endeavor, Rose Gold Goddesses, a worldwide collective of spiritual women seeking enlightenment and sisterhood.

See also Deepak Chopra on What It Means to Discover Your True Potential

I first met Ketabi in August 2018 when I was interviewing yoga and meditation teacher Rosie Acosta for a cover story that ran in December of that year. Ketabi had just received the first advance copies of her contemporary Ayurvedic cookbook Eat Feel Fresh, and she’d brought a few over to Acosta’s Laurel Canyon home to promote its October release on Acosta’s wellness podcast, Radically Loved. I honestly hadn’t heard of Ketabi, but I should have. By then, her own podcast, Highest Self, had hit No. 1 in the spirituality category, and The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda was already a bestseller in the Ayurveda space—thanks in part to the foreword and cover quote she managed to score from Chopra.

A Fated Meeting with Deepak Chopra

How did that happen? In May 2017, Ketabi spontaneously decided to attend a yoga and science conference while she was visiting New York City. She was bored, sitting in the very back of a jam-packed auditorium, plotting her escape. “I’m thinking, Right now, the only thing that could keep me here is if Deepak Chopra walks on stage,” she tells me, leaning back into the corner of her sectional as we eat sashimi in her living room. “And then they’re like, ‘OK, time for a lunch break. Now, a word from our sponsor, Deepak Chopra.’” In that moment, the alternative medicine megastar walked on stage, waved “Hello, everyone,” and casually walked off, signaling a break in the event.

Ketabi was a precocious child, growing up in the Newton suburb of Boston with parents who had both immigrated from Iran—her father to attend MIT, her mother to continue her own education after the 1979 Islamic Revolution resulted in the shuttering of universities. Ketabi recalls an elementary school assignment where she was asked to dress up as her favorite celebrity for a presentation. “She dressed up as Gandhi,” her brother, Amir, recalls from Boston, where he lives. “Literally, white robe.” Their father had showed them the 1983 Academy Award–winning film Gandhi as children. “We talked about violence and peace and meditation and the significance of it all,” says Amir. “It had an impact on both of us, but she really took it a step further.” As a preteen, Ketabi threw herself into learning about spiritual leaders and changemakers such as Mother Teresa and Ida B. Wells, using books as a roadmap for what her own path could look like. Eventually she picked up a book by Chopra. “He’s always been a major figure in my life,” she says. “My parents and I would get into fights, and I’d be like, ‘One day I’m going to be like Deepak Chopra!’”

See also How Deepak Chopra's Law of Pure Potentiality Can Transform Your Body, Mind, and Spirit

So there he was, at the foot of the stage, a thousand people between the two of them—an amorphous mob trying to exit the auditorium like cattle—and Ketabi started bum-rushing the stage. When she reached Chopra, he was mid-conversation. Eventually he turned to her.

Ketabi introduced herself and asked Chopra if she could send him a PDF of her forthcoming book; he agreed and gave her his email address.

“So I’m like, This is the pinnacle of my whole life,” Ketabi says excitedly. “I have Deepak Chopra’s email; now what am I going to do with it?” She meditated for eight hours that day, imagining Chopra writing an endorsement for the book. “I’m thinking, This is exactly what I need to get this book out into more people’s hands. If he writes a quote, more people will read it, and it will benefit more lives.”

Chopra did read her manuscript, and as we now know, he wrote the foreword to The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda (and later, Eat Feel Fresh). He also invited Ketabi to be a faculty member on his wellness app Jiyo, which led to the two of them hosting a 31-day Ayurveda transformation challenge together and to Ketabi’s online Intro to Ayurveda course. Today they’re collaborating on an Ayurvedic certification program through Chopra Global. “It’s been a joy to watch Sahara grow and expand in the past few years,” Chopra told me in an email. “She is a true example of embodying her own dharma.”

Ketabi says what’s fueled her entire life is living in alignment with her dharma, which is the theme of her next book, Discover Your Dharma, coming next year. Early on, she decided that her purpose “in this lifetime” was to be of service to humanity. Because of this, she started volunteering with at-risk youth in Boston at 13 (after she’d started practicing yoga a year earlier). When she was 15, through a global justice program at her high school, she went to Costa Rica to work in a prison and care for orphans. That same year, she started her school’s chapter of Amnesty International. “I was very into reading about Howard Zinn and counterculture and how we can create change,” she says. “I was organizing protests all the time and bringing in speakers to talk about the Iraq war, genocide in the Congo, and forced rendition.” At 16, she helped build a preschool in Nicaragua—at 17, a community center in Thailand.

“She marches to her own beat,” says Amir. “As a 13-, 14-year-old girl, she was very aware of her privilege. Being first-generation Iranian, we were exposed to a lot of the truths of the world at an earlier age than most—we were having Israel-Palestine discussions in middle school. And Sahara was just adamant that she needed to go out there and try to make a difference and learn about the world.”

"The constant chattering in my mind diminished, and I could think more clearly"

The Journey to Ayurveda

Ketabi attended George Washington University in 2009 to study international affairs and development, intent on becoming an international human rights lawyer. But as she dove in beyond her coursework, interning at NGOs around DC, she grew depressed, depleted, out of touch with her dharma. Soliciting money via an endless revolving door of fundraisers didn’t feel in line with her greater purpose. “I wanted to help people,” she says. “In DC, everything is so political. I could see I was just losing myself in the politics and I wasn’t using my creativity.”

To make matters worse, Ketabi’s physical health was failing. She transferred to Boston University to be closer to her family and started a blog (the first iteration of Eat Feel Fresh) to share some of the recipes and positive psychology she was studying in her free time to try and combat undiagnosed digestive issues. It was through writing and sharing her journey directly with readers that she tapped back into her higher calling. Armed with a newfound hope, she enrolled to become a certified health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.

See also 7 Chakra-balancing Ayurvedic Soup Recipes

At 21 years old, Ketabi was 87 pounds with hypothalamic amenorrhea when, through her coursework, she discovered Ayurveda—the ancient system of medicine based on the idea that health is achieved through balancing bodily systems using diet, herbal treatments, and yogic breathwork. “All my health problems—but also my personality—were explained,” Ketabi says. Suddenly her body started to heal. “The first thing I noticed was that I could sleep at night,” she says. “The constant chattering in my mind diminished, and I could think more clearly. I felt more grounded and peaceful than ever before. And I could finally digest food without curling up on the couch in pain.”

Unsatisfied with the limited resources available to study Ayurveda in the US, Ketabi went to India to attend Ayurveda school outside of Delhi. As a Persian American who is 50 percent Indian, she had always felt a deep connection with India and its culture. For two years, she immersed herself in Ayurvedic philosophy and began thinking about how to update it for contemporaries: For instance, traditional Ayurveda doesn’t allow for the consumption of raw foods—which makes sense when you consider the contaminated soil and lack of refrigeration in Ancient India, she says. However, modern nutrition encourages us to eat fresh raw fruits and vegetables, so she’s reformed certain recipes accordingly.

See also Putting Ayurvedic Theory IRL Terms: What Your Dosha Really Says About You

Channeling the Goddess Archetypes for Connection and Transformation

It was while studying Ayurveda in India that Ketabi began leading goddess retreats (see Find Your Inner Goddess). She had grown up surrounded by imagery of Persian and Indian deities, but it was her yoga practice and her travels to India, she says, that brought her deeper into her study of Hindu and Vedic goddesses. As I write this, Ketabi is preparing for the LA launch party celebrating Rose Gold Goddesses, her online platform for spiritual women to connect, converse, plan meetups, and explore the goddess archetypes from cultures around the world. Members have access to a Monthly Goddess Guide full of yoga practices, rituals, meditations, music, mantras, mudras, and journaling prompts—all related to each month’s chosen goddess. She texts me a little video of herself “getting glammed up” for the event, her face painted in the likeness of the Hindu goddess Kali, destroyer of evil forces.

See also The Yogini's Guide to Starting Your Own Women’s Circle

When I asked her about criticisms regarding cultural appropriation, she was cool and confident and largely unfazed. “Am I allowed to talk about goddesses if I didn’t grow up in a polytheistic religion?” she asks me rhetorically. “Goddesses exist and have always existed in every religion and every culture—it’s a universal archetype that we can all step into.” We have just finished lunch and are getting into it in her living room like old friends might. “We’re human beings,” she says. “But some people are so focused on our differences instead of our similarities.”

I visit Ketabi again at home on a cloudless Friday in September when Rose Gold Goddesses has been live for almost a month. The goddess she has chosen to celebrate this month is Saraswati, goddess of knowledge, music, art, and nature. Ketabi has organized a little gathering of friends at her home for a goddess ceremony, a ritual to honor the divine feminine, creativity, and, of course, Saraswati.

We assemble in her living room, sunshine pouring in from all angles, and Ketabi opens by blessing each of us with a single rose: The flower signifies “beauty, elegance, strength, and wisdom,” she says. But also, “Roses are not to be trifled with. You can’t just get a rose and make it your own. She has thorns, she’ll fight back.” This represents all of us in the circle right now, she tells us, post #MeToo, in Trump’s America. “As women, we want to share our beauty and the full spectrum of who we are, but there’s this dark spot in society that makes us feel like we’re not safe.” And yet we are all here, supporting women in the community and thriving in our personal and professional lives. And why is that? She asks, then answers: “It’s because we’re the rose.”

For more information on goddess archetypes, take Sahara's quiz and check out her oracle deck and guidebook, A Yogic Path.

[amyddaniels]

Meet Sahara Rose Ketabi, Contemporary Queen

Best-selling Ayurvedic author Sahara Rose Ketabi has made a life out of modernizing ancient wisdom.

Sahara Rose Ketabi

Sahara Rose Ketabi wants me to stop watching scary movies. We chat about this as we ride the elevator down from her sixth-floor apartment overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Los Angeles’ Pacific Palisades. She never watches horror films. Art plants seeds in our minds that can grow and become real, she tells me: “It changes your subconscious and creates possibilities of atrocities that you would never have thought of on your own. Then it’s in your subconscious, and it keeps leaking in. So then you’re manifesting more of—not that specific thing per se—but scenarios that go along with it.”

I tell her how I’m still trying to unsee 2019’s Midsommar, which is gruesome and harrowing in a way I wish my mind could forget. Ketabi nods, although she has not seen it. Manifesting is one of her super powers, and she’s not about to muck that up for a cheap thrill. Ask her about it, and she’ll tell you detailed accounts of how she’s attracted her life’s greatest successes: a foreword written by one of her heroes, Deepak Chopra, in her very first book, back when she was living in her grandparents’ apartment after college; her husband, whom she dubbed her “God Man” and says she communicated with through meditation before they ever met; and her latest endeavor, Rose Gold Goddesses, a worldwide collective of spiritual women seeking enlightenment and sisterhood.

See also Deepak Chopra on What It Means to Discover Your True Potential

I first met Ketabi in August 2018 when I was interviewing yoga and meditation teacher Rosie Acosta for a cover story that ran in December of that year. Ketabi had just received the first advance copies of her contemporary Ayurvedic cookbook Eat Feel Fresh, and she’d brought a few over to Acosta’s Laurel Canyon home to promote its October release on Acosta’s wellness podcast, Radically Loved. I honestly hadn’t heard of Ketabi, but I should have. By then, her own podcast, Highest Self, had hit No. 1 in the spirituality category, and The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda was already a bestseller in the Ayurveda space—thanks in part to the foreword and cover quote she managed to score from Chopra.

A Fated Meeting with Deepak Chopra

How did that happen? In May 2017, Ketabi spontaneously decided to attend a yoga and science conference while she was visiting New York City. She was bored, sitting in the very back of a jam-packed auditorium, plotting her escape. “I’m thinking, Right now, the only thing that could keep me here is if Deepak Chopra walks on stage,” she tells me, leaning back into the corner of her sectional as we eat sashimi in her living room. “And then they’re like, ‘OK, time for a lunch break. Now, a word from our sponsor, Deepak Chopra.’” In that moment, the alternative medicine megastar walked on stage, waved “Hello, everyone,” and casually walked off, signaling a break in the event.

Ketabi was a precocious child, growing up in the Newton suburb of Boston with parents who had both immigrated from Iran—her father to attend MIT, her mother to continue her own education after the 1979 Islamic Revolution resulted in the shuttering of universities. Ketabi recalls an elementary school assignment where she was asked to dress up as her favorite celebrity for a presentation. “She dressed up as Gandhi,” her brother, Amir, recalls from Boston, where he lives. “Literally, white robe.” Their father had showed them the 1983 Academy Award–winning film Gandhi as children. “We talked about violence and peace and meditation and the significance of it all,” says Amir. “It had an impact on both of us, but she really took it a step further.” As a preteen, Ketabi threw herself into learning about spiritual leaders and changemakers such as Mother Teresa and Ida B. Wells, using books as a roadmap for what her own path could look like. Eventually she picked up a book by Chopra. “He’s always been a major figure in my life,” she says. “My parents and I would get into fights, and I’d be like, ‘One day I’m going to be like Deepak Chopra!’”

See also How Deepak Chopra's Law of Pure Potentiality Can Transform Your Body, Mind, and Spirit

So there he was, at the foot of the stage, a thousand people between the two of them—an amorphous mob trying to exit the auditorium like cattle—and Ketabi started bum-rushing the stage. When she reached Chopra, he was mid-conversation. Eventually he turned to her.

Ketabi introduced herself and asked Chopra if she could send him a PDF of her forthcoming book; he agreed and gave her his email address.

“So I’m like, This is the pinnacle of my whole life,” Ketabi says excitedly. “I have Deepak Chopra’s email; now what am I going to do with it?” She meditated for eight hours that day, imagining Chopra writing an endorsement for the book. “I’m thinking, This is exactly what I need to get this book out into more people’s hands. If he writes a quote, more people will read it, and it will benefit more lives.”

Chopra did read her manuscript, and as we now know, he wrote the foreword to The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda (and later, Eat Feel Fresh). He also invited Ketabi to be a faculty member on his wellness app Jiyo, which led to the two of them hosting a 31-day Ayurveda transformation challenge together and to Ketabi’s online Intro to Ayurveda course. Today they’re collaborating on an Ayurvedic certification program through Chopra Global. “It’s been a joy to watch Sahara grow and expand in the past few years,” Chopra told me in an email. “She is a true example of embodying her own dharma.”

Ketabi says what’s fueled her entire life is living in alignment with her dharma, which is the theme of her next book, Discover Your Dharma, coming next year. Early on, she decided that her purpose “in this lifetime” was to be of service to humanity. Because of this, she started volunteering with at-risk youth in Boston at 13 (after she’d started practicing yoga a year earlier). When she was 15, through a global justice program at her high school, she went to Costa Rica to work in a prison and care for orphans. That same year, she started her school’s chapter of Amnesty International. “I was very into reading about Howard Zinn and counterculture and how we can create change,” she says. “I was organizing protests all the time and bringing in speakers to talk about the Iraq war, genocide in the Congo, and forced rendition.” At 16, she helped build a preschool in Nicaragua—at 17, a community center in Thailand.

“She marches to her own beat,” says Amir. “As a 13-, 14-year-old girl, she was very aware of her privilege. Being first-generation Iranian, we were exposed to a lot of the truths of the world at an earlier age than most—we were having Israel-Palestine discussions in middle school. And Sahara was just adamant that she needed to go out there and try to make a difference and learn about the world.”

"The constant chattering in my mind diminished, and I could think more clearly"

The Journey to Ayurveda

Ketabi attended George Washington University in 2009 to study international affairs and development, intent on becoming an international human rights lawyer. But as she dove in beyond her coursework, interning at NGOs around DC, she grew depressed, depleted, out of touch with her dharma. Soliciting money via an endless revolving door of fundraisers didn’t feel in line with her greater purpose. “I wanted to help people,” she says. “In DC, everything is so political. I could see I was just losing myself in the politics and I wasn’t using my creativity.”

To make matters worse, Ketabi’s physical health was failing. She transferred to Boston University to be closer to her family and started a blog (the first iteration of Eat Feel Fresh) to share some of the recipes and positive psychology she was studying in her free time to try and combat undiagnosed digestive issues. It was through writing and sharing her journey directly with readers that she tapped back into her higher calling. Armed with a newfound hope, she enrolled to become a certified health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.

See also 7 Chakra-balancing Ayurvedic Soup Recipes

At 21 years old, Ketabi was 87 pounds with hypothalamic amenorrhea when, through her coursework, she discovered Ayurveda—the ancient system of medicine based on the idea that health is achieved through balancing bodily systems using diet, herbal treatments, and yogic breathwork. “All my health problems—but also my personality—were explained,” Ketabi says. Suddenly her body started to heal. “The first thing I noticed was that I could sleep at night,” she says. “The constant chattering in my mind diminished, and I could think more clearly. I felt more grounded and peaceful than ever before. And I could finally digest food without curling up on the couch in pain.”

Unsatisfied with the limited resources available to study Ayurveda in the US, Ketabi went to India to attend Ayurveda school outside of Delhi. As a Persian American who is 50 percent Indian, she had always felt a deep connection with India and its culture. For two years, she immersed herself in Ayurvedic philosophy and began thinking about how to update it for contemporaries: For instance, traditional Ayurveda doesn’t allow for the consumption of raw foods—which makes sense when you consider the contaminated soil and lack of refrigeration in Ancient India, she says. However, modern nutrition encourages us to eat fresh raw fruits and vegetables, so she’s reformed certain recipes accordingly.

See also Putting Ayurvedic Theory IRL Terms: What Your Dosha Really Says About You

Channeling the Goddess Archetypes for Connection and Transformation

It was while studying Ayurveda in India that Ketabi began leading goddess retreats (see Find Your Inner Goddess). She had grown up surrounded by imagery of Persian and Indian deities, but it was her yoga practice and her travels to India, she says, that brought her deeper into her study of Hindu and Vedic goddesses. As I write this, Ketabi is preparing for the LA launch party celebrating Rose Gold Goddesses, her online platform for spiritual women to connect, converse, plan meetups, and explore the goddess archetypes from cultures around the world. Members have access to a Monthly Goddess Guide full of yoga practices, rituals, meditations, music, mantras, mudras, and journaling prompts—all related to each month’s chosen goddess. She texts me a little video of herself “getting glammed up” for the event, her face painted in the likeness of the Hindu goddess Kali, destroyer of evil forces.

See also The Yogini's Guide to Starting Your Own Women’s Circle

When I asked her about criticisms regarding cultural appropriation, she was cool and confident and largely unfazed. “Am I allowed to talk about goddesses if I didn’t grow up in a polytheistic religion?” she asks me rhetorically. “Goddesses exist and have always existed in every religion and every culture—it’s a universal archetype that we can all step into.” We have just finished lunch and are getting into it in her living room like old friends might. “We’re human beings,” she says. “But some people are so focused on our differences instead of our similarities.”

I visit Ketabi again at home on a cloudless Friday in September when Rose Gold Goddesses has been live for almost a month. The goddess she has chosen to celebrate this month is Saraswati, goddess of knowledge, music, art, and nature. Ketabi has organized a little gathering of friends at her home for a goddess ceremony, a ritual to honor the divine feminine, creativity, and, of course, Saraswati.

We assemble in her living room, sunshine pouring in from all angles, and Ketabi opens by blessing each of us with a single rose: The flower signifies “beauty, elegance, strength, and wisdom,” she says. But also, “Roses are not to be trifled with. You can’t just get a rose and make it your own. She has thorns, she’ll fight back.” This represents all of us in the circle right now, she tells us, post #MeToo, in Trump’s America. “As women, we want to share our beauty and the full spectrum of who we are, but there’s this dark spot in society that makes us feel like we’re not safe.” And yet we are all here, supporting women in the community and thriving in our personal and professional lives. And why is that? She asks, then answers: “It’s because we’re the rose.”

For more information on goddess archetypes, take Sahara's quiz and check out her oracle deck and guidebook, A Yogic Path.