#-eddie.txt

[onepieceof-stardust]

I think it should be socially acceptable to start screaming

[plymouthfurys]

[butch-muppet]

has anyone else noticed that the mobile app isnt showing old dashboard posts and when it tries to load more it instead loads posts that have been made since you last refreshed your dash? it’s really annoying me and a really stupid decision if it was intentional. it’s happened to me like 3 or 4 times today and it’s pissing me off

[canongf]

i think it is finally finally finally starting to sink in for me that eddie loves me. genuinely loves me. genuinely likes me. not just because he thinks i'm pretty (and he does think i'm pretty). but because he doesn't have as much fun with anyone else. because we laugh until we can't breathe. because he thinks i'm funny, because he thinks i'm creative, because he thinks i'm kind, because he thinks i'm smart, because he thinks i'm strong. because we can talk about anything. because we fit together. it's not about my hair and makeup, it's not about my clothes, it's not about what i can do. it's about who i am.

[orange-orchard-system]

"But isn't plurality weird?"

I am a poet. I am flesh powered by electricity and the breaking down of certain materials through heat and acid and other processes. I am a delicious buffet to mosquitoes. I am a strange, ginormous creature to my tiny pets. I, an animal, keep other, smaller animals inside a pen so that I may enjoy their company. I am also unable to touch these smaller animals or spend too much time around them, or my throat, eyes, and nose will start revolting against me, and breathing will become difficult. This is a common problem that runs in my family, and yet we keep these smaller animals anyway.

I did not sleep yesterday night; I did not lie down in the dark and quiet for several hours as a slab of meat in a cage in my head periodically conjured up nonsensical visions. It's suspected I have a condition in which, at random points during this period of lying down in the dark and quiet for several hours, my lungs stop doing their job, and the slab of meat in the cage in my head has to wake me up so they get back on the clock and my temporary rest does not become a permanent one. I do not always remember this when it happens, just like I do not always remember the nonsensical visions I see at night. Or day. Or whenever I rest in this manner. Yesterday I did not rest in this manner and instead watched as an indigo-black sky became gray and then blue.

I once used fine fibers from plants – strung through metal smithed and sharpened – to repair a soft visage of a creature from the masses of saltwater that cover most of our planet. I pride myself on my ability to do this well, and to leave little evidence behind that any repairs were needed in the first place. And yet, when it comes to taking that same metal and simply stabbing it in a certain point on a canvas of fabric held in place, so that my fine rope of fibers may slowly create an image to be admired, I struggle. I struggle like I struggle to remember if I have given my flesh prison the sustenance and nutrients it needs to work and move. I struggle like I struggle to lie down in the dark and quiet for several hours.

Perhaps later today I will slather goo on the remaining evidence that I am but a buffet for mosquitoes, in order to not be slowly tortured by them and my body's revolt against me (because of course, revolting against me due to being in the presence of smaller animals for too long is not enough – no, my flesh prison must also be especially weak to the spit these bloodsuckers leave behind when they are finished feasting). If I do, I will do it while talking to the beings who share my life, flesh prison, and slab of meat in the cage in my head, all as we struggle to remember whether or not we have given our flesh prison its daily vitamins.

Of course plurality is weird. Everything is weird! Isn't that wonderful?! You can turn everything into a poem and be filled with wonder just by thinking about the everyday things you don't question!! The world is weird!! Life is weird!! To live in this world is to be weird!! And we all get to be weird living here in this world together! Hello, world! Hello, life! Hello, world and life that are stranger than fiction!! I'm glad I get to be weird and plural in a strange world such as this!!

[an-attempted-poet]

fellas is it gay to go trick or treating with a girl and to hold her hand/arm for a lot of it and for her to put her arm around you when you almost fall or to keep you warm and then to go back to your house and watch a cute gay horror movie (fear street 994) while talking about the cinematography in it bc she’s a film dork WHILE HOLDING HANDS AND SHES WEARING YOUR SHIRT?? and to loan her 2 books and for her to say she can’t wait to watch more movies and finish this one with you??? FELLAS IS IT GAY?!?!

[v3il]

oh my god. do u think theres a system out there with a goncharov introject

[canongf-archive]

hawkins: he's dangerous!!! he's a cult leader!!! he's a devil worshipper!!! he's a murderer!!!

him with me:

[patchdotexe]

WHAT RHE FUCK

[buddieofficial]

I did an entire rewatch binge and then finished seasons 5 and 6 so im gonna be way more active again if anyone wants a new 911 moot

[onepieceof-stardust]

“You attract what you fear” oooh Yellowjackets season 3 release date announcement I’m so scared. I’m soooo frightened of a season 3 trailer

[plymouthfurys]

concept art for a jacket i would make if i were brave enough

[butch-muppet]

im abt to have a stat exam and im highkey worried plz pray 4 me </3

[canongf]

the first snow of the season AND the first day of my period and you expect me to be anywhere other than in eddie's arms in our bed with a lil space heater going??? unbelievable

[orange-orchard-system]

System Ramble: reading, inner/internal voices, and our brain's continuous attempts to understand the world around us

[PT: System Ramble: reading, internal voices, and our brain's continuous attempts to understand the world around us / end PT]

I'll probably have to expand on this at some other point because it ties into how we feel our plurality is a fundamental part of how we process the world (and that deserves its own essay), but there's something interesting that happens when we read that has to do with our system.

Have you ever seen those posts that talk about "the little voice in your head" that you get whenever you read something? A lot of people are able to hear the words they read being "spoken" in their head as they read them. A lot describe the voice reading "out loud" in their brain as either being their own voice or some detached voice without anything more to it, but for us...

... it's closer to one of us reading out loud to the rest of us.

As we write this post, for example, we can identify the headmate in front who's taken on the role of the "voice" reading each word. There's no simpler way to describe it – he's the one reading out each word to the rest of us, and we can hear his own inflections and other verbal quirks as he reads. We've recently begun trying to consciously pass the role of this "inner voice" around, and we can definitely hear a change depending on who's reading, even if it's the exact same text. Eddie has a deeper voice, and reads much slower, giving the impression of a grandpa reading a book by the fire. Danny, by comparison, has a higher voice, reads quicker, and is often audibly annoyed when he has to reread something. It's a very interesting thing to experiment with.

Based on these experiments, acting as this "inner voice" is sort of like a very flexible system role for us, one we naturally fall into or out of most of the time, but can occasionally choose (which is, funnily enough, very similar to how our switches function). This phenomenon happens automatically with most texts we read, and may be part of the reason we have so many introjects; our brain may be simply creating the most fitting "voice" for what we read as it sees the need, which is frequently either the author, or a character in the text. But regardless of the reason, it's a very helpful tool for figuring out who's in front or discovering new headmates, as we have a strong sense for whoever it is that's reading at any given time, and find it especially easy to visualize a headmate whenever they're taking on this role.

On rare occasions where this doesn't happen, we often have trouble absorbing the information we read. It just doesn't stick in the same way one (or more) of us reading to the others does. Which is definitely a con; if it weren't so automatic for us and thus rarely a problem (especially now that we've identified what's going on), we'd definitely be counting it as one of the ways our DID disables us. It's not too different from how it becomes difficult to impossible to absorb information when we're too dissociated, after all. (But then, that raises a question: is the reason we can't absorb text when too dissociated because the dissociation is keeping us from fulfilling this role? Food for thought.)

This isn't the only way in which we utilize our plurality in order to process and absorb information; we also have various system members we call "captioners" whose job it is to make it easier to understand what we hear or see by creating visuals based on this sensory input. We haven't tried having these two roles active at the same time – mainly because I think it would just overload our brain with too much to keep track of and any attempts would fizzle out – but it's an interesting idea for something to experiment with in the future. The parallels are interesting, anyway, especially with how they seem to indicate that our plurality is fundamental to how we process the world and what kinds of choices our brain made when creating us. Perhaps it's all part of our brain's attempt to cope with its own dissociative disorder by creating work-arounds for the problems dissociation can cause, but... I feel like there's more to it than that. The question is where to look for answers (and if the answers are something we should be unpacking just yet).

That brings me back to the beginning. It's interesting to see how our plurality functions almost like a neurotype in some ways – I don't know if I'd call it that, but I can see some parallels in how others talk about them with how plurality functions in our brain. One day, I hope to write a collection of all the different ways our plurality affects us like this, as a sort of guide to our own processing and understanding of the world through a plural lens. For now, though, it's just interesting to think about how I'm now reading this post "out loud" to my headmates as I write it, and how my internal voice differs from those who have read it before me.

... Also, I'm just now realizing this system (no pun intended) works better when the fronter writing a text is also the headmate reading the text. Huh. That fits, somehow.

So, to recap: we get the most out of reading when we use our plurality to host what is essentially system storytime, our internal voices differ a lot more than we first thought they did, and it's interesting that our brain keeps making selves and roles just for helping us understand the world around us. Thanks for reading our ramble.

[an-attempted-poet]

i have this side blog to talk abt stuff i dont want as many ppl seeing. that being said:

bro the fear that i get every time i post abt being jewish on my main like. been sent death threats once let’s not make it twice!!!

i should not be scared to post shit on my own page!!

what the f u c k !!!