#-Because NO i can't handle even thinking about what some people have been gone through. sorry about that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thetarotyapper · 1 month ago

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what would they do to you if they had you all to themselves? (18+)

if you kiss my neck, i'm not responsible for what happens next... ☆ pick-a-card reading☆

paid services 18+ paid services tarot community ko-fi

(how to pick a card? observe the given options and choose the one which you feel the most drawn to. scroll down to read your message!! remember, this is a general reading, so take what resonates! ps.- if you feel drawn to more than one card/image/pile, feel free to read the others too!! if the chosen pile doesn't relate to you, feel free to choose another. the choice is yours<3)

☆ pile I ☆

king of cups, death, knight of pentacles, 8 of pentacles, the world, 2 of swords, knight of wands, the tower

OMG BABE OKAY WOW this person wants to make love to you, like i'm not even kidding. this person has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions because of you and they don't know how to handle it anymore. for many of you, i’m seeing that there is some sort of “situation” here. maybe this person could be a friend of yours? a work colleague? something of that sort? this person is someone you've liked for a long time and it feels wrong to like them for some reason. this person could mean a lot to you. maybe you're worried it'll ruin your friendship (if it's your friend), or maybe you're worried it'll ruin your professional life because you could like someone who is in your workplace. whatever the reason may be, there is some sort of situation here where both of you cannot escape. this dynamic feels wrong, but for some damn reason it also feels so damn right. NO UGH WHY IS IT GIVING FORBIDDEN LOVERS TROPE. I'M LITERALLY SCREAMING RIGHT NOW. there's mutual attraction, but your situation isn't right. y'all will have to be very cautious if you're thinking about moving this connection forward because it also affects a lot of people involved in your connection - like your friends, family, co-workers and so on. okay, i'm so sorry to have kept you waiting!! i just got this “situation” energy and i wanted to clear it out. anyways, let's get to your reading now, my love.

this person is going to go through a lot of emotions when they're going to be with you for the first time. this all feels so wrong, but it also feels so…..right? ugh why does life have to be so unfair. things are going to feel a little strained and awkward at first but then later, it's going to get SO HEATED. this person has a lot of love to give you, it's almost like they have held themselves back for so long. but they can't take this anymore, they're going to break the walls that are blocking this connection. i'm also seeing that you're going to be very wet (um well sorry that channeled out of nowhere🏃‍♀️). i'm seeing sloppy and hungry-driven kisses. OH THIS PERSON HAS BEEN CRAVING FOR YOU. lots of heat coming in too. LMFAO they're going to adjust their pants a lot because they can't control their hard-on😭. with the king of cups here, im seeing that they'll approach this situation with a mature mindset and they're going to act very cool and well, nonchalant. but guess what? with the tower here, they're not as chill as they seem to be. you get them so worked up like i can literally feel the tension. this person wants to dominate you. they want you to submit to them. they want to see you under them and begging for more. oh babe they're going to change your life. they're hungry for you. i see deep long thrusts - um let me just run away i feel like i'm getting in y'alls bubble aksnamkaka. they literally want you begging for more, like i hear you saying “stop” in between moans but you both know that you want it more rough. they're not even going to wait for you to remove your clothes completely. they're literally going to devour you as soon as they get their hands on you. it's like one moment they're all super respectful and demure and the next it's like BOOM, they're an animal hunting for its prey.

and trust me when i say this, this is not going to be a quickie. they're going to take their own sweet time in making you come. they've waited days, months, years even to have you all to themselves. all their pent up emotions are going to come out. and this is not a “im gonna do it with them today” typa thing - NO. they've waited a long time for this and it seems like this is all pre-planned too. they've waited for the right opportunity and babe when i tell you they're gonna grab that chance, oh they will. they're going to be so focused on pleasing you, they're not going to stop until you've come undone on their fingers/tongue and their…. well, it starts with a D (d*ck), and if it’s a woman, they want you to fill them up 🫣. i hear them saying “be a good girl/boy and come for me now, will you?” DAMN CHILL OUT BOI. they're a giver. you can literally just lie down and they'll love doing all the work. you're like a precious sculpture for them. you're delicate and they want to handle you with care - but they also don't mind breaking your back in the bedroom 🤭

they're going to be OBSESSED with your body when they see you naked. i can literally hear them saying, “you belong to me and only me”. they're going to be very possessive and jealous when they're making love to you. they're going to do it so slow with you it's almost frustrating. it's like you want them to increase their pace because their teasing is getting too much and you just want to feel the pleasure already, but nope. they're not done. they want to see you crying and begging for more. they want to feel your insides and how nice your….umm….girl grips around their….man😺. they want to feel your girl tightening around them. they want to feel every thrust. they want to feel your moans. they want to feel your desperate pleas.

however i do see that in between they might rethink what they're doing with you because of this “situational” setting y'all are in but they're eventually going to say “fuck it” and they will literally fuck you. they've waited too long for this. they've waited too long for you. this tension is too much for them and they can't hold it in any longer.

additional information - 12, mercury, libra, 2, jupiter, virgo, 10, aries, pluto, water, green grass/garland, ocean, mountains, desert, black/grey cloth/shaul, brown, dark - blonde hair, yellow, red, green.

☆ pile II ☆

9 of wands, death, the fool, 10 of wands, ace of swords, 7 of cups, 9 of cups, king of wands.

THE CARDS FOR YOUR PILE WE'RE LITERALLY JUMPING OUT AND WERE SO IMPATIENT. maybe this could mean that your person is impatient too hehehe👀🤭

i'm just gonna get straight to the point - fancy dinners and then hard-core love making. FULL STOP. the person in your mind would SPOIL you if they could take you out. im talking red dress, wine in hand, red lipstick, high heels, back suit, neatly combed hair, sitting in a fancy restaurant. like they'll take you out on THE DREAM DATE. either you or this person is going to love it when y'all play hard to get. they want to break down your walls, and by walls i mean your kitty cat’s walls 🐱. your person will love it when you're unsure about what their next move is, or maybe they're the one who'll love the thrill of not knowing what you'll do next. i think both of you will like to balance out the dominating and the submitting part. maybe y'all both are switches. y'all don't mind taking the lead nor submitting. well that's a good thing because both of you are going to enjoy the thrill of being together and well…..getting spicy😳. before even getting to the ahem ahem part, your eyes will do the talking. no words needed. y'all will literally just look at each other and the tension has already begun. i see them pushing you against the wall, with your hands over your head while they just kiss you till both of y'all are out of breath. they're going to leave hickeys all over your neck so that you know who you belong to. BYE i see y'all literally standing and doing it with each other. y'all ain't even gonna sit down😭. damn y'all are freaky, let me give y'all come privacy and put my sunglasses on 😎 🕶️ 🤏😳👀

the intimacy and dynamic is going to be AMAZING, literally out of this world. there's a lot of passion as well as aggression here. babe they aren't gonna go easy on you, and one round is NOT enough. they're going to explore so many positions with you and they're going to try out so many things with you - like blindfolding you or maybe you blindfolding them. oh my god now it makes sense. remember how i said that y'all would like the thrill of not knowing each other's next move? it's because one of y'all would be blindfolded and the other would take control. I SEE A WHIP TOO. um okay go queens/kings🤭. they're going to love seeing you tired and exhausted after they're done….ahem ahem with you. they'll love seeing your body and your tired face, and they’ll love it when you ask them to take it slow. they literally have so much energy it's insane. LIKE HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE. but hey, who am i to complain? you do you babe😏. they're going to feel so proud of their skills and i also see that you're going to feel so accomplished and happy. no one has ever made you feel this good.

i'm seeing that for a lot of you, this would be a sign whether you would want to pursue this relationship/connection or not. i think y'all would test each other's compatibility. y'all have a very high sex drive and sometimes it might be frustrating if your needs aren't met so if this person isn't able to fulfill your desires or if you're not able to fulfill theirs, i don't see it working out. i'm gonna be honest, there's a lot of double standards here and even if your sexual needs are met, the relationship won't work if your emotional needs aren’t met. for a lot of you, this is more of a lustful connection than an emotional one and maybe both of you have the same outlook on this connection but if one of you actually wants a genuine relationship, y'all need to talk it out. even though the sex will be great, if there's no genuine feelings, then nothing will feel good. so, please make the right decision. y'all are very tempted by one another and you guys are going to treat each other as possessions instead of humans who have genuine feelings. maybe this person already has someone in their lives and you're just a fling. something doesn't feel right about this connection. they also seem like they have their guard up with you and only show you what you want to see. i do see that they'll be the one taking the lead and coming forward regarding where this connection is headed and one advice i would give you is - please clear your mind and think about what you truly want. maybe this person is actually really good, but there's just a lot of lustful intentions here.

additional information - 1, aries, ascending lunar node, 11, pisces, descending lunar node, 12, aquarius, jupiter, trees/wood, temptations, orange, brown, white, cream (colour), woman, child, being in a tall building.

☆ pile III ☆

10 of wands, the hierophant, page of swords, 4 of wands, queen of wands, ace of swords, 8 of cups, the moon, 3 of wands.

being with you is going to feel like a sin for this person. it's so out of their character to feel this way towards anyone. what have you done to this person, pile 3? jasjajakaka. this person is frustrated and angry at you. they just can't let go of the hold you have on them. a part of them doesn't want to like you but they just can't help themselves. they literally can't comprehend the feelings they have for you. they might try to ignore you, but it's only because they can't stop thinking about you. this person has literally fantasized about you a lot and they kinda feel guilty for thinking about you in that way.

this person WORSHIPS you, like i'm not even being dramatic here. this person wants to kiss the ground you walk on. you're so ethereal, they can't get enough of you. everytime they see you, their man hardens. they try to control their arousal, but they just can't help it. the way you carry yourself and the person you are - just wow pile 3. you're mesmerizing. i can't even blame them at this point lol. you've got this enigmatic energy, it's driving them insane. people around you literally know that this person feels a strong sense of attraction towards you. they want you to dominate them. they want you to take control of them and use them. they want you to use them for your pleasure. they'll be so glad to be used by you, like i'm not even kidding. i have a feeling this person is very reserved and quiet. they might be a little short or their height might range from short to average (for a man) and you might be tall (for a woman) and this person loves this about you. this also means that your person loves it when you're on top of them and when they have to look up at you. they'll even like wearing a collar for you so you can order and control them around.

you attract a lot of attention, pile 3. and people can’t help but feel drawn towards your energy. hell, i'm also drawn to your energy. you're so mysterious, people want to study you. the way you present yourself, your face, your hair, literally EVERYTHING about you is so so…..i don't know. i can't find the right words. attractive? mesmerizing? beautiful? your energy literally cannot be explained. you're mysterious and you only let people know a little about you - enough to the point where they think they know you very well, but they don't. i can't shake off your energy, it's so strong and captivating. okay, damn enough i'm getting carried away😅. now let's get back to your reading, shall we?

this person has manifested you for quite some time now and if you want to shoot your shot, i would say go ahead. you have the power here. you are the power. you're everything this person has been looking for. they knew that you're the one they needed when they saw you for the first time. however, i do see that this person is insecure and a little scared because they think that you have a lot of people who want you (and you do) and this makes them a little jealous, but sad. they're afraid they're never going to get a chance with you. i think this person is completely opposite from your standard type. this person is soft spoken, quiet most of the time and all to themselves, glasses, neatly combed back brown/brunette hair (maybe even blonde hair?) and pale skin.

this person admires you from afar. im seeing two possibilities here - either this person finally get the courage to come forward and ask you out or you reach out to them first. but here's the thing, if none of you take the initiative to make the first move, this connection might not move forward and might even be lost. i'm not picking on a lot of sexual energy here. i feel like this person genuinely likes you and wants to get to know you. for them intimacy is not just sex, it's about spending time with the right person.

i am going to end your reading, my love but something just doesn't sit right with me. i feel like this person feels like they aren't being noticed by you at all and they might even feel neglected in general. their energy is so dull and sad and they struggle a lot with confidence. this person is in conflict with themselves.

additional information - 12, virgo, moon, 5, 8, gemini, sun, 6, pluto, firm back, back turned towards you, yellow, scared, unsure, argumentative, withdrawal, red, orange, questioning morals, black cat.

hi loves!! i hope this reading finds you in good health and i hope you are doing well. take care of yourself and i will see you in my next reading. thank you for being here<3

(note: tarot & oracle cards provide guidance and possible insights into what could happen based on current energies, thoughts, feelings and actions. the cards can highlight potential paths or outcomes, but they do not predict the future in a fixed way. this is a general reading so take what resonates!)

જ⁀➴ all credit for the pictures & dividers goes to their rightful owners and creators.

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lacydollette · 7 months ago

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RECKLESS ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

pairing: bf!sam x fem!reader

warnings: angst, established relationship, sam being overprotective, fighting, lots of blaming each other, mentions of dean being in hell, some fluff, wc: 1.9k

You slipped out of the motel room as quietly as you could, not wanting to wake Sam. You had been driving for days, hunting a wendigo near the outskirts of Iowa. But the hunt wasn’t even the hardest part—it was the weight of everything else. Ever since Dean's deal, since he was dragged into Hell, Sam had been on edge, more protective than ever. And you could feel it creeping into every part of your lives.

You glanced at Sam one more time as he lay sprawled on the bed, finally catching up on some sleep. He deserved that. Still, you knew you needed more supplies. You were running low on salt, and in the need of a few essentials plus, you figured a little food wouldn't hurt.

The grocery store was only ten minutes away, so you grabbed the keys and your bag, telling yourself you’d be quick. On your way inside the store, you checked for your phone—"dang it", you cursed, you must've left it at the motel.

So you quickly breezed through the aisles, grabbing salt, herbs, and a few sandwiches and snacks for Sam. You loaded everything into the car and started heading back, happy to know you’d have Sam’s favorite food waiting for him.

But while you were on your way home, Sam was already panicking, pacing around the motel room. He’d woken up to find you gone, no note, no message, just your phone lying there. His mind raced through every worst-case scenario. Every minute you were gone, his worry grew until it twisted into anger. Losing so many people did that to a person, and Sam had lost more than enough.

He couldn’t loose you too.

When you finally walked in, expecting Sam to be asleep, you were met by the intense sight of him, eyes locked on you the second you opened the door, and tension radiating off him.

"Where the hell were you?" Sam's voice was filled with frustration and disappointment. "I... I went to grab some salt from the market. We were almost out," you answered, confused by his reaction. "Why? What's the matter?"

Sam rubbed over his face in frustration, walking toward you. His eyes scanned you from head to toe, as if ensuring you were in one piece. Even though you were back now, his heart was still racing. "Heck y/n, I woke up and you were just gone. Do you know what that feels like after everything? I thought something bad had happened to you." His voice was shaking with distress.

"I was literally gone for half an hour! I thought you'd be asleep. I didn't want to wake you," you explained, fumbling with your words. "I wanted to be quick in case we needed the salt. It took me longer because there was this huge crash on the highway—"

"Wow, that's a perfect excuse." He cut in. "And you didn't think of a way to call me? Let me know you'd be gone longer? No, no... the only thing on your mind was getting some damn salt." His words stung, more than you expected. "You need to calm down." you replied, trying to pull yourself together. Was he really so distrustful? "I know I should've told you before leaving, but look at me—I'm fine. Everything's fine."

Sam ran a hand through his hair, rolling his eyes. "Goddamn it, I don't care if you're fine right now. It's the principle, y/n. You do shit without thinking, and I can't stand it." He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger. "There are so many things that could've happened to you out there. How can you be so careless?"

That hit a nerve, and your frustration bubbled over. "Oh, so you think I can't protect myself? After everything we've been through—after all the times I've saved you and Dean—you think I can't handle something as simple as a grocery run?"

Sam's face darkened. "This isn't about your skills. I know you're a good hunter. But you're reckless, y/n. You don't understand what it's like to see someone you love get torn away from you because of one mistake, one slip-up. And then to wake up and think it's happening again..." His voice broke, some vulnerability showing.

You softened slightly, realizing how deep Sam's fear went. But you weren't going to let him accuse you of being reckless. "I do understand, Sam. I know how much losing Dean broke you. But I'm not him. I'm not going to disappear, but you also can't suffocate me because of it."

"I'm not trying to suffocate you. Fuck, you really don't get it, do you?" Sam's voice rang in your ears, and for a second, he just looked at you with disappointment in his eyes. "Just forget it y/n."

The sudden intensity of his words, the way he yelled, startled you. Sam wasn't the type to lose his temper like this—not with you. Sure, you two had your disagreements, but this was different. He was on edge, and you could tell that this wasn't just about the salt. It was about everything that had been weighing on him since losing Dean.

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, seeing his fists clench like that scared you, so the only thing you could do right now was walk away. Your voice was quieter now, the fight draining you. "I'll take a walk, clear my head."

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you turned to leave the room. The last thing you wanted was to fight with Sam, especially not like this. But before you could reach the door, you felt his hand gently grasp your arm, pulling you back.

"Wait." His voice was softer now, the anger replaced by guilt. Sam pulled you close, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as if letting go would somehow mean losing you again. You relaxed into him, resting your head against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. The warmth of his arms and the sound of his breathing helped calm you both down.

For a while, neither of you spoke. It was as if both of you needed that quiet, the space to breathe and let the tension resolve. And after a few moments, you pulled back just enough to look up at him. His eyes were softer now, and you could see he felt bad for snapping.

"You know," you said quietly, "I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to worry about losing me every time I step out the door. But you also have to let me breathe, Sam."

Sam let out a long sigh, his hand moving to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "I know," he murmured, though his voice still carried the weight of doubt. "I just... after Dean, I've been going nuts. Every hunt, every day, I'm constantly thinking about what could go wrong, what I could lose next. It's like I can't shut it off."

You reached up, cupping his face with both hands, your thumbs brushing gently along the stubble on his jaw. "Sam, I understand. I really do. But you can't live like this—constantly on high alert, constantly afraid. It's not fair to you. And it's not fair to us."

He leaned into your touch, closing his eyes for a moment, savoring the comfort of your hands on his skin. "I don't know how to stop," he admitted quietly.

"I think it's always going to be there," you said softly. "The fear. But you don't have to let it control you." You paused, searching his face for a moment before continuing. "I'm strong, Sam. I know how to handle myself. And I promise you, if I ever feel like I'm all up in my head, you'll be the first person I call. But you have to trust me. Can you do that?"

Sam opened his eyes, looking down at you, and for the first time that night, you saw a flicker of relief in his expression. He nodded, though you could tell it wasn't easy for him. "I can try," he said, his voice a little stronger now. "I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking," you whispered, giving him a small, reassuring smile. You stayed there in his arms, the tension easing itself. Finally, Sam spoke again, his tone lighter but still a hint of guilt in it. "I guess I owe you for getting the salt." You chuckled softly, leaning your head back against his chest. "Yeah, you do. I went through a lot of trouble for that salt."

"Next time, maybe wake me up before you leave," he said, a small smile on his lips, “Or at least don't forget your phone."

"Deal," you agreed with a playful grin. "No more disappearing acts. But you have to promise me something, too." His brows furrowed slightly, "What's that?" he asked. "You have to promise to stop worrying so much. At least a little. You're going to give yourself a heart attack at this rate."

Sam chuckled, the sound low and warm in his chest. "I'll do my best," he promised, “but no guarantees.” You smiled, reaching up to kiss him gently. "I'll take it." Sam kissed you back, slow and soft. When he pulled away, there was a warmth in his eyes, a quiet appreciation for the way you understood him, even when he didn't always know how to explain himself.

"Come on," you said, tugging him toward the table. "I got your favorite sandwiches, you need to eat." Sam hesitated for a moment, glancing at the filled grocery bags. But then he let out a sigh and nodded, he definitely needed these sandwiches now.

"Thank you, baby." He mumbled, pressing a kiss to your forehead before grabbing the plastic bags and putting everything away. The room still felt heavy with the weight of what you were both going through, but at least you were in it together. You were safe. He was safe. And for now, everything was okay.

kinda need to fight with Sam just for him to be all soft and cutesy with me after and make up..

feedback and requests are greatly appreciated !!

tags: @gibson-g1rl @nuemanfilms @beausling @angelicjackles @sammyluvr @samwinchesterswifu @sampilled @seasons-of-death @starkeysprincess @rubyvhs @deansenvy @ribbonprincess @mxltifxnd0m

#works ₊˚⊹♡#spnfandom #supernatural #sam winchester #sam winchester x female reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester angst #sam x reader #sam x fem!reader #bf!sam

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pluralthey · 5 months ago

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what steps do you go through to draw in your current style? do you have any pointers about it? its absolutely one of my favorites

i'm not sure if i think of my process in steps. in my head, i'm just straightforwardly drawing the shapes the characters are made of at angles that look right and building on that... luckily, i stream when i draw every day, so i have a ton of videos of myself drawing. example:

youtube

i haven't bothered to upload a lot of the modern streams to youtube because my video editor can't handle editing 4-8 hour files even if i'm speeding them up and technically making them shorter because of the way video editors interact with files, and the freeware i use isn't able to make proxy files. the act of downloading and editing and combing through all the footage is a ton of time and memory space and it's just not what people are usually looking for from me, so it's not where i wanna put my time.

but that's neither here nor there. what i mean to say is these vods are really long. so you don't want to rawdog those. but you can just download a video speed controller extension to your browser and it's extremely easy to cruise through the backlog of vods at ~15x speed.

i've gone ahead and highlighted some of the recent videos to separate the chaff from the wheat. i tend to take long breaks to eat or walk my dog so there are big periods of Nothing Happening. i'll try to skim some more and do the same. unfortunately, i don't have any good videos of me coloring, since twitch deletes vods after like a month, and i've just been focusing on sketching.

but yeah, in general, it really depends on how good i'm feeling on a given day -- sometimes i will sketch multiple times for just one panel and sometimes i won't sketch at all. i use paint tool sai 2 and a pixel brush usually 2 pixels wide with no pen pressure. for comics, i have 1 layer for the panel borders, 1 layer for the sketch, 1 layer for the lines, 1 layer for the colors, 1 layer for the text, and 1 layer speech bubbles. sometimes there are special effects that overlap borders and need their own special layers. when i start sketching a new panel, i will usually put it on its own new layer, and sometimes for multiple characters i will put them on another new layer at a different opacity. this is mostly to move them around without constant cleanup. once i've gotten a sketch pretty finished, i merge all of the layers into the sketch layer. the line layer is usually just the sketch layer cleaned up and paint bucket tooled black. but basically, the vast majority of my time working on art is spent trying to fix small things like tangents, fitting speech bubbles into panels, thinking about how to lay out a page, checking continuity interaction with other pages, that kind of stuff. the complex technical parts of the process are to save time on those in ways i can without compromising quality. the other portion of working on the art is like "step 1: draw head circle (or jessie head diamond). step 2: draw the rest of the owl." i don't know if this was helpful at all y_y if you want more pointers i might be able to offer clarity on more specific questions!

#ask #asks

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hiiragi7 · 9 months ago

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Things I've experienced post-Final Fusion:

All of a sudden, the days felt really... really... really long. I never really felt like there was any time in the day prior to final fusion; living my life in parts, I had never experienced such continuous flow of time before. It's long.

It feels like I now have a lot more time to do things in the day, and I have to be careful not to push myself too hard. I've found myself being online less and less and getting a lot more involved in my offline hobbies and reading. I have a lot more time to work towards things I want to do.

I can actually think about and plan for the future now, and it's incredibly exciting. I talk to my partner constantly about it. I am very excited about the future.

I can remember so much more of my childhood, things I never thought I would ever remember I now do. That being said, there are still things I don't remember, likely tied to other memory issues, and I've made my peace with that.

While my memory certainly got significantly better in many ways, I've realized I struggle with non-dissociative memory issues as well, and I will live with those issues for the rest of my life; it's just how my brain developed, and that's okay.

Speaking of memory, I can remember things freely that before were limited to the memory banks of my individual parts. I no longer have to worry about what parts hold which memories and go about tracking them down; I as a whole either remember something or I don't, and of my memories, I can remember any of them whenever I want.

I feel a sense of ownership over my life, over my memories and my sense of self and my body. I can look at it all and very confidently say "that's me", and I feel and know it to be 100% true. A long way away from not being able to recognize myself in the mirror.

I can't dissociatively "take a break" from life the way I used to (ie switching out and letting another part handle it), and while it took a long adjustment period to get used to this, I'm okay with that; I have other ways to take breaks while still being present, I can listen to music or watch videos. If I really just need to be unconscious, I take a nap.

I had to come to terms with the fact I couldn't push myself past my limits anymore in the way that I used to, and that this is in fact an expression of self-care for me. I used to be able to push far past what I should have been able to, especially with regards to physical pain, and to some extent I can still do this under specific circumstances, but it is no longer something that I will do in my day-to-day life living with disability and chronic pain.

Actually existing in my body now, I have come to realize just how much chronic pain I have been in. It's made me a lot more alert to my needs and how to care for myself, what makes it better and what makes it worse.

When people say "there's always a chance you'll split again", it doesn't scare me; it comforts me to know my brain would still know how to cope if such an extreme situation occured that I needed to split again. I've worked through dissociative barriers, I could do it again. I know what lies at the end of that path is love.

No part of me has ever gone away. Even fully fused, we are all still here. I can even still communicate with myself as parts if I choose to. I still have parts, they just look different now. There are no barriers between us.

My parts held a lot of different aspects of my identity to them, aspects I'm still to this day sorting out. I've had a lot of realizations about who I am as a person post-final fusion, especially with regards to gender and disability. A lot of things about myself were formerly very heavily fragmented and dissociated which no longer are, and I'm still making sense of them.

I no longer experience flashbacks and nightmares. This is a major thing for me I sometimes still am in disbelief about, my nightmares used to be so severe that I would refuse to sleep because of them, and my flashbacks were horrible and caused very intense physical sensations. I no longer have them, and that's incredible.

Life is so much more vivid and colorful than I ever realized. I never realized how dull everything felt and looked before final fusion. It feels like a complete perspective shift that is hard to grasp in words.

I can feel my body so much more now physically than I ever could before. I feel each of my limbs, I feel changes in temperature, I feel my own breath, I feel different textures and sensations, everything I hear and see and feel and taste has so much more depth to it now.

I have emotions! A whole lot of them, and I can feel all of them. I can feel emotions that might be percieved as "contradictory" at the same time, I can feel emotions over little things and big things and just about anything at all. I'm no longer limited to feeling my emotions in parts, and it's incredibly freeing.

On that note, I have so much more emotional capacity now for feeling all of the love I have for myself and others. It's wonderful. I can't shut up about it.

#sysconversation #didosdd #final fusion #didresolution #didrecovery #traumagenic #dissociative identity disorder

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twilightkitkat · 7 months ago

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I know we have Laura, but do you ever think of how the other kids at the X-mansion would react to Logan?

Logan was a male role model for them. He might not have been as much as a "father" as Charles but he was family. He'd help teach the children things that the other X-men wouldn't, taking them seriously despite their age. He'd sneak them snacks or "contraband" when the other X-men weren't looking. He'd explain things that the other X-men hid.

Logan was likely the first person to treat them like anyone else. He didn't judge them for their mutations, didn't get angry at or scared of Rogue even when she almost killed him. He didn't hide or sugarcoat the truth for them, he said it bluntly. He wasn't mean, but he was honest. He treated them like they could handle it and this meant they respected him, too.

He was the first person to believe in them and their abilities and teach them that they had their own choice. Like he said to Rogue: he wasn't there to be her father, he was there as her friend. He coexisted as a protector, someone who they could rely on as an authority figure when danger struck, but also as a supporter. He didn't argue with Rogue over what was the "right" thing to do regarding her ability or force her to go back to the X-mansion when she wanted to leave. He told her that he trusted her judgment and just wanted to make sure she was doing it because she wanted to.

Logan knows what it's like to be restricted. To be collared and treated like "less than." He hates feeling caged in and pressured, so he went out of his way to make sure that above all the children knew that they had a choice. They had the ultimate say in their own lives.

The other X-men taught the children to be kind, to be understanding, and to be cautious. Logan taught them to be self-confident, to learn new skills, to set boundaries, and to make choices just for themselves. He's the one who looked at these kids and told them they were allowed to be selfish when everyone else told them otherwise.

And then... Logan was gone. And he was dead. Permanently.

The children kept living, but it was never the same. Of course, they missed him. How couldn't they? He was the first person to try to understand them just for the sake of it, without trying to poke and prod. He was safe. He didn't try to influence them one way or another, he just listened. Nobody else filled those shoes when he left.

And then, by the time most of them were almost grown up, he came back. But it's different. He's different.

He's more jaded than he was before. Closed off in ways that even the most reserved children there weren't. He's tired and older and different from their Logan in ways they can't explain.

But he still looks at them in the eye, not above their head or at their feet. And he nods at them in acknowledgment. And he listens. And he's different but he's so painfully Logan despite it all.

It makes them want to cry. A few of them do.

And Logan... to his credit, takes it in stride. He ruffles their hair and pulls a few into sideways hugs. He grunts as Rogue launches herself into his arms but still holds her. He doesn't shy away.

But Logan isn't a part of the X-mansion, anymore. He visits, occasionally, but he's no longer an X-man. And never plans to be.

The only people he consistently interacts with from the X-mansion are Laura and, to some extent, Colossus and his trainees through Wade. And it almost stings more, that way. To know that he was capable of keeping in touch. That he'd do it for his daughter and Wade but not for them.

Do you ever think how the kids would feel about this? About finally having a version of the person they admired most back only for him to not want to stay? About him choosing to stay with Wade at his shitty, run-down apartment instead of coming back to them.

We, as the audience, can understand. He's traumatized and grieving and staying at the X-mansion would only be rubbing salt in the wounds and reopening cuts that finally are beginning to scab over. He's starting to move on from that chapter in his life, from the guilt and regret both before and after the X-men's deaths.

But the kids don't have that perspective. They were too young, back then, to truly gauge the environment and how Logan might have been kind, in his own way, but was never truly happy. Never felt free or at home. Like a bird coming back to the same, familiar cage because there's nowhere else to go.

And even now, they're too young to really separate their feelings from his choice. In a way, they think it's their fault. That they weren't reason enough for him to stay. That he abandoned them because he didn't want them anymore.

...And that couldn't be further from the truth, obviously, but it's complicated. It's a choice between cutting away some ties even if it hurts or getting tangled in them because all he can remember are their corpses. It's the choice between leaving them behind or being stuck in the past, reliving the same pain and guilt over and over.

And here's the thing: Logan was the one who taught the children to be selfish. Finally, finally, he's allowing himself to take his own advice.

#poolverine #deadclaws #kitkat #deadpool 3 #deadpool and wolverine #logan howlett #wade wilson #deadpool movie #wade x logan #wade/logan #x men #angst #marvel #marvel mcu #marvel cinematic universe #rogue #laura kinney

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quirkwizard · 24 days ago

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Mutant Mayhem: A Critique on the Mutant Sub-Arc

Normally, I start this off with some kind of intro to establish what I'm talking about, but I'm not going to lie: I think this might be the worst thing to come out of the main storyline. This may be a surprise to long-time followers of the blog. My dislike of Stars and Stripes and her arc has been well documented, with me calling it the worst part of MHA. As much as I dislike a lot of elements of the Stars and Stripes Arc, I can at least understand what Hori was going for, and it's pretty easy to ignore in the grand scheme of things. With this? I can't understand this.

So I want to put two disclaimers here. First off, I am not an expert on politics, sociology, or anything related to that in any way. I do not know how the events in the manga reflect real world issues, both in Japan specifically and the world at large. What I am is a writer. I am someone who analyzes stories for fun. This is going to be a critique of how the story handles the plot purely from a writing perspective. It will not be a critique of whether it is realistic or comparable to real world events. I'm sure there are other people far more equipped to handle talking about this.

Second off, for the sake of this, I'm ignoring a lot of the character work with Spinner. I actually think that's some strong stuff here. It just happens to be stuck in the middle of an arc that I don't feel uses that well. I know that isn't nearly as important as the first disclaimer, but I like it a lot and I want to give this arc flowers where I can. So, without further ado, let us get into this.

The Major Players

To be frank, Shoji and Koda feel out of place here. Do not get me wrong. I like them both, Shoji especially, but it does not feel like either of them has any place leading an arc. He's such a background character, even among the ranks of 1-A. And Koda is even worse in terms of relevance. Shoji and Koda don't have any real arcs of their own or connections to Spinner to make this feel warranted, let alone satisfying. At least, not that'd tie them into this part of the story. Koda is a kid who was shy that wanted to find his voice and gain more confidence. Shoji, the leading man of this whole arc has... nothing. He was just a quiet, minimalist who helped out where he could.

On the other end of things, there is Spinner. For the whole of this arc, Spinner is reduced a brainly functional monster. Yeah, that's great for his character, but it hurts the rest of the arc and the point it is trying to make. Because the guy who is supposed to be leading this part of the story has been reduced to a drooling moron who can barely string a sentence together. When he does talk, all he can say is that he doesn't even care what his own allies are doing. It makes it come across that Spinner doesn't have any real place in his own arc. It ends up hurting the manga and the story it is trying to tell by actively robbing the key player of his agency.

And then we have the spider guy. I'm not even going to bother remembering his name. We don't know anything about him or why he's doing this. He's only really here to spout out exposition about the discrimination of the Mutants and what they have gone through. So do we get someone who is passionate about fighting for this cause? No, not really. He makes it clear to the audience that this is not his main goal. All he is there to do to keep the revolution going for the sake of All For One. He's not the kind of figurehead that this arc needs. Someone who can act as the passionate mouthpiece to really push what the Mutants want and need. He just ends up being some other stooge that quickly gets defeated without much thought.

So right off the bat, it doesn't feel like these characters have any strong ties or arcs to work with here. It feels like we're dealing with the leftovers. Like all the other characters were busy somewhere else, but needed something Spinner for his story and to get Kurogiri. Shoji and Koda are the only ones left with any kind of panel time, and now he had to throw some stuff together about how there was all this prejudice against Mutants. Because that is all you have to tie them all them together. Okay, sure, maybe the characters aren't really that good for this kind of story line. But maybe the actual writing and build up to make this part of the story will make this arc feel satisfying, right?

The Setup?

Right off the bat, I don't think that this plot line is that well established. Looking back at the series, what examples do we have of Mutant discrimination within the main manga? Maybe a few small moments. A comment about how big the doors are at UA as opposed to other places. Which can imply that other buildings aren't as accommodating for those, but it's never really explored that much beyond that one comment. Gang Orca is a Mutant and is said to be one of the most villainous-looking heroes. Yet I feel like that's a pretty forgettable fact about how minor of a character he is and how aggressive he tends to act around people. If anything, that feels like a bigger contributor to why people see him as a villain.

A few insults based on how a character looks. Namely, Shoto to the dog Chief of Police, Dabi to Spinner during the car chase to get Overhaul, and Pony to Shoji during the Joint Training Arc. However, none of these are given real focus. They are all either played off like any other insult or even a joke, in the case of Dabi and Spinner. Do you see what I'm getting at? For all the focus it gets as an end-game issue, there really isn't a lot of focus put on it with the story or characters. It's all a bunch of smaller moments. Smaller moments that are few and far between and aren't given any kind of real gravity for when they do happen. There isn't anything that stands out to me that makes me think that Mutants are facing any kind of discrimination in the modern day.

And before any of you say anything, yes, there are more notable examples of problems like this in the Vigilantes spin-off. The most obvious one is Kirihito Kamachi. He has the body of a giant praying mantis. He has difficulty living and interacting with others because of how monstrous he is, such as finding a place that can accommodate him. That is a great exmaple... that is not in the main manga. As good as Vigilantes is, it's still ultimately supplementary material. To me, you shouldn't have to rely on supplementary material to support your main story. Because most people aren't going to be reading it. At least, not many people do from what I have seen. Within the main manga, there are only two major examples I can think of.

The first is the Creature Rejection Clan. A group of people solely dedicated to the exclusion of Mutants on the basis of blood purity. Which certainly sounds bad. The story says they used to be a thing back when the first Quirks came about. Yet they are barely even an organization in the modern times. They are treated instead as a long-dead relic, who are so weak and fractured as to be a joke. The second is the attack on the giant fox woman, which has so many extraneous factors involved that I hesitate to count it. Such as the fact it was done by a bunch of people without any kind of real racial motivation behind it and it was a random attack by scared people during a total societal collapse. So while it was part of the world, it seemed more in the background. Something that happened before with some lingering wounds. A problem with the world that should be dealt with, but not something that is that prevalent.

The Mutant's Madness

We then cut to the current storyline and... we have a horde of thousands upon thousands of Mutants all marching on the hospital with Kurogiri inside of it. All of these Mutants were so disgruntled about the world as is, that they formed a mob of this size. We're told that Spinner was regularly attacked and sprayed with bug spray. We get mentions of these massive hate crimes against Mutants that were never mentioned before. We then get flashbacks to Shoji's history. About how he was beaten and heavily scarred by people that attacked him as child. This is something that happened whenever he interacted with any other people. Hori: Where on Earth did any of this come from?

I want you to think about all the examples I picked out. I did not intentionally cherry-pick those. I tried my best to find all the notable examples of this before the arc. Would any of you assume that would be how Mutants were treated in the setting? I certainly wouldn't. I don't think I'd ever reach the conclusion that the story did. That, not even ten years ago, there were mass killings and public attacks on small children. This took such a drastic turn that I get whiplash just thinking about it. Was this ever implied or set up before? I feel like this kind of violence would have been shown or mentioned until now, but no. This is the first time we've heard about it on this scale.

And introducing a problem this big this late into the story, in the very arc it is relevant in, is sloppy writing to say the least. Realistically, this should be something that affects a large portion of the world and even members of our cast. You would think that if stuff like that was happening, we'd see way more examples of this in the story. Characters like Tokoyami, Sero, Tsuyu, and Mina. All of which could have been used to explore this more, but they have never been mentioned. Could you imagine if we only got passing mentions of what was going on with Himiko? And, outside of her obsession with blood, we never fully understood why she was that way. Only to find out there are thousands of other kids that go through exactly what she did and no one ever talked about it?

And why is that? Why is it never seen or mentioned? Hori tells us it's because the cities aren't as bad. It's out in the country where it's really bad. What?! What kind of explanation is that? Let's ignore the fact that it doesn't make any sense. If you have that kind of acceptable violence even out in the sticks, there would have to be some kind of sign of it in the major cities. The fact of the matter is that this is such a lazy excuse. Geez, Hori, if that was the case, maybe you should have shown us something outside the city then. Maybe then you could have built up this plot point more if you wanted it to be such a major focus of the arc. Why even go to this level of extreme with it? Especially since this level of violence the Mutants undergo suffocates the message so much.

The Mangled Message

My issue with the violence is that it is crippling the narrative the story wants to go for. Having it be this level of violence justifies the Mutants in their revolt. Shoji's whole point is not letting your hatred win and how you need to rise above what people think of you. A good sentiment on paper. If you want to talk about the kind of harm extremists can do to a message and progress as a whole, that is totally fine. Or maybe you could go with how people can be caught up in something that doesn't have their real interests at heart. There are a lot of ways you could go about this kind of message.

But that kind of talk doesn't exactly fly when your lives and wellbeing are in active danger. The Mutants aren't getting side-eyed by some old dude on a porch. They're running from hate mobs out for blood. Hate mobs are so wild and vindictive they will openly attack children on sight with zero moral compunctions about them. Which, yes, is the extreme, but the rest of what we learn doesn't make it seem like it's that far of an extreme. This kind of writing not only makes it jarring with what we have been shown, but it puts the Mutants as a whole in such a terrible position in this world. I can't exactly blame them for fighting back, even if it's aimed in the wrong direction.

When I'm writing this, I keep thinking back to that one line from Shoji. "Spinner, you're about to put us back thirty years." I get what the story is trying to say with that, but it feels so wrong here. Sure Shoji, you can try and be the model citizen that wants to bridge the gap between people. Not stooping to their level and all that. Yet trying to moralize people who feel actively threatened by the world at large doesn't come across the way you think it does. It comes across as tone-deaf and preachy even in the best light. And that's not the kind of thing you want to say about the guy who is supposed to be in the right. It's this weird moralizing that makes this sub-arc so hard to read and enjoy.

What makes it worse is that the crowd feels like such a mindless mob. One that only stopped because they realized they were attacking a hospital. What on Earth did you think you were doing here? Volunteer work? I get that the point is that Shoji's speech and the heroics of everyday people is what stopped them, but come on. It feels like Hori needed to put them in a much worse position morally to make the violence stop. That doesn't really acknowledge the problems that they are going through in a reasonable way. Why not make them stop because they feel like their leader is nothing more than a violent thug? Or the revelation that they are fighting for just to be used by All For One? Not because he cares about them, but because he just wants to build chaos?

This entire issue just feels so bizarre and poorly thought out on so many fronts. It makes me wonder why we're even getting this kind of arc in the first place. On the surface, it fits in with the other villains. Which I get is the point of the villains. They are people with genuine grievances towards society, but go too far with what they will do to get what they want. But at least it felt like the villains were exceptional extremes of the system who were hurting more than they helped. Their issues were a product of the system, but were far more personal. This seems like it's something far more widespread. Something so ingrained in the world that goes beyond any one person. So it feels at odds with how the rest of the villains and issues are set up.

And to be clear: I'm not saying this because I don't think MHA should cover these topics. In a series talking about the issues of society and how people need to work together to make things better, bigotry in any fashion could be something you could easily cover. If anything, I think that MHA Is uniquely suited to talk about this. It's certainly more appropriate to cover it here than other series that try to use its supernatural elements to talk about bigotry. And yes, that includes the X-Men. But to talk about these issues, you need to lay the groundwork. You need to tackle it with some tact. You need to know what you are doing. And Hori clearly doesn't know what he's doing here.

The Rewrite

Now, how would I fix this? This is kind of an awkward position for me to be in. Because I don't think you can fix this arc in and of itself. It's built around a foundation that is shaky at best. I honestly think you'd need a whole other mini-arc just to set this issue up and establish this as an issue for Shoji. At very least, you'd have to put a lot more of a focus on Spinner as a real character. So I think that the best answer is to just rewrite it from scratch.

For starters, you change the people that are attacking the hospital. The horde is not all Mutants. They are instead all followers of the League itself. They are just like Spinner was back when he was following the image of Stain. They are people who think they understand what the League is fighting for or are merely fighting back for their own personal vendettas. They are all people who felt small and hurt. It is effectively an army of Spinners. At least, as he was early on in the manga. And these aren't anywhere near as bad as they are in canon. It can be for whatever ill-thought-out reason there is. Spinner is still leading the charge, still full of Quirks. And while his change in form would tie into his other story, I'm going to try and make it relevant to the rest of the arc.

And you may be wondering how this ties back to Shoji? It doesn't. Again, I like Shoji, but he does not need to play such as a major part of the final arc focused on him. So I suggest we get another student to replace him. Specifically, Iida. Why put Iida here? To be perfectly frank, I think Iida was wasted in this arc. He doesn't have any real ending for the arc we've seen and doesn't add much to the part of the story he is in. All he's used for is a glorified taxi for Shoto to get to his arc. I do have an idea about him and why I am putting him here, but I'd be lying if I said my personal feelings on Iida this arc aren't part of my decisions.

To start things off, I would make it clear that this is one of the last functional hospitals in the country. This place is integral to treating the most seriously injured and sick. Trying to move any of the patients would likely kill them, including Kurogiri. The heroes wouldn't want to use it as a battleground, but feel forced to because such a valuable target is there with Kurogiri. So the heroes organize a force to help defend the hospital, for which Iida volunteers. And when asked about it, Iida says he wants to protect it because it's about his brother. Both that is what Tensei would do and all he can think about is his brother laying in that same hospital.

And this is where their dynamic would come in. Spinner and Iida are comparable in how they both looked up to a person in their life and how much that warped their perspective. After encountering Stain, both of them changed. Iida strived more to emulate and honor his brother rather than idolize him. He wanted to be the one to build up the rest of his classmates and become a proper hero that can save people. Spinner went from being a fanboy to an idol himself, but a false one. He got the power he wanted, but an empty in the process, with everyone else ascribing things to his actions rather than having any real will of his own.

I'm doing this because, in a series all about inherited wills and legacy, I think that you could do something focusing on inheriting the wrong ideas from someone. That is brought up a few times throughout the series, but I think that some part of the finale could focus on it. It's how your actions have meaning and those actions can spread out to people who look up to you and trust you. These are the roles that Iida and Spinner fulfill. It ties back to what the Mutant Sub-Arc was trying to bring up about how this group of people is being used and radicalized for All For One's cause and not their own, but in a way that doesn't tie it to all the baggage of discrimination and bigotry.

Iida can talk about how the crowd is misguided. That the League and All For One aren't on their side. Nobody in the crowd cares though. They rather shout about their grievances. About why they are fighting this war in the first place. They all look up to Stain and Spinner as their revolutionaries. They all turned to Spinner looking for his wise words. This is the part where he says he doesn't care. He can give a similar speech as he did in canon, but it can be more to emphasize his own past as opposed to Iida. How Iida is where he is, because he was born lucky with a wealthy family and a strong Quirk. I think that this would be a lot more personal to Spinner. His whole perspective and life has changed so much that Stain, the man that inspired him, is barely even an afterthought.

This would be encouraged by a man on a roof seeing it all: Trumpet. Now, I am replacing the spider guy with Trumpet for a few reasons. One is that he's already an established character, and he already has ties to Spinner. Second is that his power of "Incite" could do a lot to explain how the crowd is fighting so well. Finally, I think that it could reflect how All For One is using these people. They aren't here to lead a revolution, but to cause chaos. And I think that works better with a figure like Trumpet. The second a new regime seems to be rolling in, he immediately switches sides to working with All For One. He isn't as staunch MLA follower as people thought he was and merely attached himself to it because it was a means of power. It feels more fitting for someone like him to talk about how he doesn't really believe in this kind of stuff than someone who should be affected by the issue they are fighting for.

So the battle rages on between the two groups. You could also throw in some of the students to help fight with Iida. To me, you could put any of the other students here if you want. Maybe you could have some moment for Jiro or Koda here. They'd be able to use the power of their Quirks to help drown out Trumpet and all of his rhetoric. Maybe you could have people like Sero and Ojiro work as the counterpoint. They don't have great Quirks, but they were still able to make it into the Heroics Course in spite of that fact. Their roles don't matter as much to me as the main conflict between Spinner and Iida. Iida tries to fight back as hard as he can, but, ironically, Spinner's ability to jump and climb between walls makes it hard for Iida to attack him.

That is when the crowd starts closing. The doctors are doing their stand to make sure no one can get in and hurt the patients. This makes the crowd hesitate some. At that moment, Iida gets an order. To stop the crowd no matter what it takes and save the doctors. Even if it means he has to kill Spinner. Everyone thinks that Iida is going to violently charge at and destroy the crowd. But no. Iida doesn't do that. Instead, he uses his immense speed to rescue everyone in the hospital. He is going at such high speeds that he is able to save everyone before they can die and move them to another location away from the fighting. All except Kurogiri, who is under such heavy defense that Iida could not reach him. Everyone is shocked and amazed at this, including Iida, who never thought he'd be able to pull off such a move.

After it's all done, Iida is spent. He used Recipro Burst too much and is now unable to move. Yet he still stands, begging the crowd to not attack the hospital. This is where Iida's arc ends. He gets to be a true hero, focusing on saving others rather than trying to hurt them, and making another speech to stop a raging crowd. The doctors can be out there as well, as I do think that bit is important to the greater themes of the series. And it does work for a moment. Spinner does not care though. He still moves forward. And then suddenly stops in his tracks. Only to reveal Stain had used "Bloodcurdle" on him, leaping from on high to stop the assault on the hospital.

Yeah, I'm throwing Stain in here too. I've always disliked how Stain's death was handled. I don't mind him dying, just how it was done. Not only did it feel totally pointless, barely adding anything to the final fight with All For One, it felt so inconclusive to his character. There's more that could be done. We have already got the conclusion to All Might and Stain's connections at the statue, so having him die with Toshonori doesn't really fit. To me, Iida and Spinner have some of the strongest connections to Stain. Because they were the ones who were most changed by interacting with him and his legacy as a villain. So I believe that adding him here will add more to the arc and his own character.

This is a point where Stain takes Spinner to task about everything he's done so far. About how this was not his dream and not his goal. That was to flush out all the fake heroes. Not to hurt people who "didn't deserve it". By killing Iida and attacking his hospital, they are all corrupting his mission. This really puts a stop to the crowd. This is their idol, the one who started their revolution. And now he's talking about how their work makes them sick. So now he stands against them. To protect Iida and the hospital. You could even call back to his infamous speech, a dreadful aura falling over the whole Quirk. Yet Spinner starts to move again much sooner, either from losing so much blood from "Scalemail" or having a Type-O blood type, and the Quirk stops affecting him.

He charges up to Iida, ready to cleave him in half. Only for Stain to block the attack to save Iida, dying in the process as his body gets stuck on Spinner's weapon. Only to be tossed aside without a care as Spinner makes his way to the hospital. In this way, it acknowledges the growth of Iida into a "true hero" in the eyes of Stain. It's between these three elements that the crowd stops. The heroic moment of Iida, the death of Stain, and the obvious indifference of Spinner are all what led to them realizing that this cause may not be worth fighting for and stopping the charge. I think that would be a lot more point of a moment. Because now we get the culmination of Iida's character, the ironic death of a major villain, and the final tragic note of Spinner as a character.

And I think having it be this way could make it more fitting for where the two end up. We see Iida start to work closely with Uraraka when helping out the children. Maybe Iida could be working with other kids that are in trouble. He can be the guy who is trying to help out his community and lead like example. Just like what his brother was doing before him. Meanwhile, it could help recontextualize Spinner's ending. I've already talked about this in my rewrite of the ending before, but I think this could add a nice way to present Spinner's book. That he wants to tell the truth of the League and have them be remembered, but not in a way that will radicalize people like him in the future.

Now, is this a deviation from the main story and what this sub-arc was going for? Yeah, but I don't think that you are losing much by changing the players and context. Here, you can still have the misguided rioters that have close ties to Spinner, but without a lot of the sloppy writing surrounding the Mutant storyline. It also can give more meat to two major characters that felt shafted by the final storyline. Iida get's recognized as a true hero, finally living up goal he had since he fought Stain. Stain himself dies an ironic, but fitting death. He dies at the hands of a follower who idolized him, but did so saving a kid he said was a false hero. Overall, I believe this does more justice to the characters and the story.

#My Hero Academia #Not Quirks #Shuichi Iguchi #Spinner #Tenya IIda #Akaguro Chizome #Stain #Mezo Shoji #Koda Koji #MHA Meta #MHA Theory

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scary-grace · 5 months ago

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if my heart was a house (chapter 2) - a shigaraki x f!reader fic

It's been nineteen years since Tomura was sentenced to death, and you've built a life in the space he left behind, braced each day for the worst. You're prepared for everything - the questions your daughter asks, the memories that sting a little more in the winter, the specter of the news you've been afraid of for years. But of all the things life's thrown your way, it's the one you haven't dared to hope for might be the one thing you can't handle. (cross-posted to Ao3) The prequel can be found here: what I can't remember nowwritten for @pixelcafe-network's Challenge Friday event! Banner/divider by @cafekitsune

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 2

It’s freezing when you step out of the community center, and only the fact that Chihiro’s waiting for you to pick her up at school prevents you from going right back in and borrowing a scarf and gloves from the bin of spares. You knew you should have dressed more warmly, but you didn’t realize there’d be so much wind. By the time you make to the car, your teeth are chattering, and the car always takes longer to warm up than you want it to. You moved to Hokkaido nineteen years ago because it was the last place anyone would look for you, and no one’s found you yet. You just wish the price of privacy didn’t include freezing your ass off in the moonless polar night.

You think Chihiro worries about you a little less lately. You’ve gone to a month of pottery classes, and you make sure to respond to messages in the PTA moms’ group text every so often, and once when Kaori’s crazy mom asked you to get tea, you agreed. You left that conversation feeling like you’d been through a tornado, but the important thing is that you’re trying. That Chihiro sees you trying. That when she moves away for school, her worry for you won’t hold her back.

Her comment about you not having friends hit a little too close to home, and it’s still hanging around in your head. You used to have friends — Tomura’s friends, and some of your own. You loved them. You know they loved you. Half the reason you survived Tomura’s arrest and trial was because they were with you, suffering the same way, helpless to stop anything that was happening and trying all the same. Knowing all of that, it makes even less sense that you ran from them afterward.

But that’s always been who you are. When you’re hurt, when you’re scared, when you’re sad, you pull back from the world. You don’t like having your feelings where other people could see, and if you didn’t like having your feelings in front of anybody, there was no way you were having your baby in front of Tomura’s friends. You weren’t interested in how they felt about it. You didn’t want to hear what they’d say. And you didn’t want them involved, constantly circling, reminding you of everything you lost. Reminding your baby, once they were old enough to understand. Your new new job (you lost the first new one), your apartment, your friends, your city — it all started to feel like a prison. You could run, so you did.

Lately, though, you’ve been thinking about them. Enough to look them up and see that Toga’s a fairly well-known costume designer, and wish you could talk sewing with her; find out that Dabi’s doing okay, when you’d been worried ever since you met him that he’d wind up in prison; learn that Spinner’s a writer with a popular series of detective novels, famous for mercilessly skewering the police over their incompetence and corruption. You’ve thought about reaching out, seeing if they know anything about Tomura’s situation, if they’ve heard anything from him. Then you decided it wasn’t worth it. You don’t want to find out that he’s spent nineteen years talking to them and not to you.

Your car finally warms up. You take a deep breath, shove the thought of your old friends away, and drive.

Someone’s car spun out on the route you planned to take to the high school, and you call Chihiro to let her know you’ll be a little late. She doesn’t answer, but she probably just busy. The choir director is kind of a hardass, but Chihiro worships the ground she walks on, and she’d never interrupt a rehearsal for something like a call from her probably-clingy mom. You are a little clingy. You just don’t ever want her to wonder where you are. To spend even a second doubting that you’ll be there when she needs you.

You get to the school, park, and switch idly between channels on the radio, skipping away whenever you hear a snatch of the news. The choir kids trickle out of school slowly, talking through chattering teeth, and scatter to their parents’ cars. You watch for Chihiro, knowing that she stays late to talk to the choir director sometimes. But then the lights in the music room go out. The choir director steps out, locking the door behind her, and fear like you’ve never experienced in your life floods through you.

It feels like acid in your veins. You lurch out of your car and get in the director’s way as she heads for hers. “Where’s Chihiro?”

“She left at the break,” the director says. “Typically I don’t allow it, but she’s an excellent student and she’s never asked before —”

Chihiro left. Chihiro left school an hour ago. You can barely speak. “What happened? Did she get sick? Why didn’t you call me —”

“She said she would,” the director says, bewildered. “She didn’t?”

“If she’d called me, I’d have picked her up already.” Your voice stutters, fractures. “What happened?”

“She and her friends were discussing something. A news article, I think. I doubt that’s what caused it.” The director is frowning now, disconcerted to your terrified. “When we resumed practice, she was distraught, and asked to be excused early.”

Distraught. You’ve never heard anybody use that word to describe your daughter. “Did she say why?”

“She needed to go home. She said it was a family emergency.”

A family emergency? You’re her family. Your parents passed away when she was in middle school and you and your brother haven’t spoken in years. What family is she talking about? You don’t need that answer right now. You need to find her. “Thank you,” you choke out, and run back to your car.

You and she live five miles outside of town — on a big road that gets plowed and salted, sure, but still outside of town. Could she walk all the way home in an hour? You don’t think so. Not in this weather. And you can’t think of anywhere else she would go. You drive slowly, carefully along the road, your heart rising into your throat at each bend in the road and sinking when the stretch of road ahead of you continues to be empty. Your mind twists in agony. A family emergency. What does that even mean? It crosses your mind that it’s the perfect excuse, one no teacher would ever refuse a student like Chihiro — but why wouldn’t she call you? Why would she start walking home in the dark? What is there that she thinks she can’t bring to you, that you wouldn’t help her with? You’d do anything for her. You just have to find her, and you’ll figure it out.

You catch up to her halfway home, her hands jammed into her pockets and her shoulders hunched against the cold, her breath billowing out in a frozen cloud. The relief of finding her lasts for only a second. Now you need to get her home. You flip on your hazard lights and slow to a crawl alongside her, rolling down your window. “Chihiro, get in the car!”

She doesn’t answer. Doesn’t even look your way. “I’m so glad I found you, but I don’t understand,” you say. “You must be freezing. Why didn’t you call me? I was so scared –”

You’re making this about you. It’s not about you. “Chihiro, please get in the car. I just want you to be safe. I love you —”

“Shut up!” She wheels on you, and you hit the brakes, more in shock than anything else. Your daughter’s eyes are swollen and bloodshot with tears, and her lips are cracked and bleeding in the cold. Her mouth is turned down like you haven’t seen it in more than a decade, but her eyes are hot with rage. “Don’t come near me. Don’t even talk to me. I didn’t call you because I hate you. I hate you! How could you do that to me?”

“Do what?” you ask.

“Lie,” Chihiro spits, or sobs. “How long were you going to lie to me, Mom? Were you ever going to tell me the truth about my dad?”

Your stomach drops. How did she find out? How many people know? “I never lied,” you say. “I never told you he was dead. I always told you —”

“He’s gone.” Chihiro’s nose is dripping. She looks frozen. “Don’t play that stupid game. You knew what I thought you meant when you say that, and you just let me think — you were always going to let me think he was —”

“How did you find out?”

“That’s all you care about? I hate you —”

Right now, you hate yourself, too. It hurts to hear Chihiro say that, hurts to know she’s so angry with you that she’d rather freeze than spend even a second in the car with you — but your feelings don’t matter right now. They stopped mattering nineteen years ago. This is about your daughter. You shove your feelings to one side. “You hate me,” you repeat, and she scoffs. “You can hate me just as much in the car as you can out there, and the car is warm.”

Chihiro squints at you as she wipes her eyes. “It’s not that far. I can walk.”

“Yeah. But it’ll take you another hour, and it’ll just keep getting colder.” You swallow the lump in your throat. “I won’t try to talk to you. In the car or when we’re home. Just — please, get in the car, Chihiro. You don’t have to hurt yourself to let me know you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry, Mom. This is way beyond angry.” Chihiro takes a deep breath and coughs on the cold air. “If you try to talk to me, I’m getting out again.”

You don’t deserve to feel relieved, but you do. You put the car in park and unlock the passenger-side door. “Okay.”

The drive home is awful, but at least it’s brief. The first thing Chihiro does after taking off her shoes and coat is head straight for the bathroom. The water switches on in the shower, and you’ll bet it’s scalding hot. She must be so cold. And so angry with you, angry enough to override her better judgment and drive her out onto the road alone. Is she right about you? Were you ever going to tell her the truth about Tomura? You don’t know. But you should have seen this coming, somehow. You could have seen it coming, would have, if you were doing anything but hiding from your own pain. Of course Chihiro’s furious with you. You deserve it.

Deserving it doesn’t make it hurt any less, so like always, you find something to keep you busy. You set out clean pajamas for Chihiro on her bed. Then you finish folding the laundry, emptying the dishwasher, folding the quilts that are still strewn across the couch from Chihiro’s movie night with Kaori over the weekend. After that it’s time to sew, and even with the focus paper-piecing takes and the noise of the sewing machine, you can’t shut out a single question: How did she find out?

The water in the shower shuts off. You hear Chihiro’s footsteps in the hallway, then the sound of her bedroom door shutting. Shutting, not slamming. You abandon your sewing machine, planning to go to your bedroom and stay there, leaving her the kitchen and the living room and not coming out until she goes to sleep. You don’t want her to have to look at you. Or maybe you just don’t want to see how she looks at you now.

The thought stops you at the threshold. You’ve made everything about what’s happened into something about you. Who are you helping by going to hide? Yourself. You’re protecting yourself from your daughter’s anger, which she deserves to express, and from the questions she probably wants to ask, which you should have answered a long time ago. You can’t hide. You need to stay here and be the person — the parent — you should have been all along. Even if it’s too late.

You hear the bedroom door open, but you don’t turn, and Chihiro comes closer with soft footsteps. She stops at the edge of the kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“Making hot chocolate. Do you want some?”

“You’re being weird,” Chihiro says. She sounds unnerved. “I told you I hate you. Why aren’t you yelling? You’re not even crying. Do you even care?”

Your heart breaks a little bit, even as a surge of frustration rocks you. “It hurts to hear you say that,” you admit. No more lying. From here on out, you tell the truth. “But I don’t think it hurts as much as finding out your mom’s been lying to you for eighteen years.”

Chihiro’s quiet. She’s quiet, and you’re not trying to downplay what you did or run away from it, so you ask a question of your own. “How did you find out?”

The electric kettle goes off with a click. “The water’s done,” Chihiro says. “Are you making hot chocolate or not?”

She reminds you so much of Tomura — that same bluntness, that same impatience, that same affinity for cutting the knot. “Yeah. And some for you.”

Once you’ve both got your cups, you head to the living room. Chihiro unfolds all the blankets you folded earlier and burrows into them, and you sit in the armchair and pull your feet up and away from the floor. She watches you over the rim of her cup. “It’s weird when you do that,” she says. “It makes you look really young.”

It’s quiet for a second. “I guess you are kind of young. They said in school that most people don’t have kids until they’re thirty, and you were only twenty-two when you had me.”

“Yeah,” you say. “Four years older than you.”

It sounds wrong when you say it. Too young. Way too young. Chihiro looks unsettled. “I wouldn’t have a kid when I was twenty-two,” she says. “Why did you?”

You take a sip of hot chocolate, trying to calm your nerves. “I’ll tell you that and everything else. I want to know how you found out first.”

Chihiro’s eyes narrow, but to your surprise, she answers. “Takako at school — she watches that true-crime show. The one you don’t let me watch.”

“I never said you couldn’t watch it. I just said not on the TV out here,” you say. Chihiro rolls her eyes. “Your computer in your room is fair game.”

“My computer doesn’t get cable.”

“So pirate it,” you say with a shrug, and Chihiro nearly chokes on her next sip of hot chocolate. “I never said you couldn’t watch it at all.”

“Yeah. Like you never actually said my dad was dead,” Chihiro says. Ouch. “Do you want me to tell you or what? She watches that show, and you’re not the only mom who’s weird about it, so she tells us all about the episodes when they come out. I guess this week’s episode was about this guy Shigaraki Tomura who killed his whole family, and how he’s been on death row longer than anybody else in Japan. So we looked him up to see if he’s still alive — I guess the episodes get made in advance — and there were pictures of him at his trial. He has the same birthmark I do.”

You nod. “And the same eyes. Ever since you were a baby.”

Chihiro looks down into her cup. “One of my friends joked about it. I thought it was funny, so I laughed. But then I was thinking about it, and the — timing, I guess. And I realized you never said he was dead. My whole life, that was what I thought, but it wasn’t what you said.”

She takes another sip of hot chocolate. “I was looking at the pictures. From the trial, and you were in them. Your hair looked different, but I knew it was you. And I guess I — there was this one picture. From his sentencing. You’re holding his hands.”

You hadn’t realized someone snapped a photo, but you should have known. Your fingers still ache from the memory. Chihiro looks up, her eyes glassy again. “It’s him, isn’t it? My dad’s Shigaraki Tomura.”

“That’s him,” you say. You can’t call your voice steady. Flat might be better. “What do you want to know?”

“Why,” Chihiro says at once. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There were a lot of reasons,” you say. “I think my main one was trying to protect you.”

“From him?”

“No,” you say. “From everybody else. I don’t know if you read any of the articles about the trial, but the way they talked about him — and about me — was awful. People treated me differently, and I was just his girlfriend. I didn’t want anybody to do anything to you because of who your father was.”

“I got in fights anyway. Because I didn’t have a dad.” Chihiro’s voice is dull. “Maybe if they’d known who he was it would have been different.”

“Maybe.” You take a sip of your own hot chocolate, even though it’s getting hard to swallow. “That was part of it. Part of it was that I didn’t want you to grow up with that hanging over your head. Knowing that your dad was on death row and not even being able to visit him.”

“You said he didn’t know about me. Was that a lie, too?”

“I tried to tell him,” you say. “I called, and wrote letters, and tried to visit — he never wanted to see me. And he never answered.”

Your voice wavers slightly. You don’t try to fight it. Fighting it makes it worse. “I wanted to. He wouldn’t let me.”

Chihiro looks disturbed. “So that picture —”

“That’s the last time I saw him,” you say, and Chihiro’s expression collapses. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry about that.” Chihiro lets go of her cup to wipe her eyes. “Why else didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was selfish,” you say. It hurts to admit it, to admit that what you swore you were doing for Chihiro’s own good was for you all along. But you have to be honest. You’ve lied to her, by omission or on purpose, enough for a lifetime. “I didn’t want to think about what happened. Any of it. And if you didn’t know — if nobody knew — then I wouldn’t have to talk about it ever again.”

Chihiro wipes her eyes a second time. You keep talking, your throat aching more in every word. “I didn’t wake up one morning and decide not to tell you about Tomura. It just happened —”

“And kept happening. For eighteen years.”

She’s not going to let you get away with anything. The fact that you know she shouldn’t doesn’t make it any less frustrating. “Yeah. Eighteen years. I did it because it would make things easier, for me. Because it wouldn’t hurt as much, for me. I was thinking a lot about me and I should have been thinking about you.”

Chihiro looks away. “Do you think he did it?”

“Chihiro —”

“He confessed,” Chihiro says. “He said he did it.”

Yeah, Tomura confessed. They interrogated him for twenty days straight before they got anything out of him, and when you came to visit him again before the trial, he looked like something had broken inside of him. He seemed out of it, too. He barely recognized you, barely knew you were there. You don’t know what they did to him in there, but you trust that confession even less than you trust the testimony his adoptive father gave. “He confessed,” Chihiro repeats, her voice rising. She fumbles her phone out of her pocket, unlocks it one-handed. “Do you think he did it?”

She’s looking something up. You remember all at once how Chihiro stumbled on him in the first place. “Did they execute him? Chihiro, tell me —”

“Do you think he did it?” she demands, and you shake your head. You were there at the trial. Every day. You never saw anything that made you believe he was guilty. Chihiro squeezes her eyes shut and holds out her phone towards you. “You were right.”

Some part of you registers what she just said, but it doesn’t stick. It bounces off the surface and vanishes, because Chihiro has a news site open, with a bright red BREAKING NEWS banner across the top. SHIGARAKI TOMURA EXONERATED AFTER NINETEEN YEARS ON DEATH ROW.

You spend one wild second panicking at the sight of an “ex” word in the same sentence as Tomura’s name and “death row”, but then you force yourself to go back. Exonerated. Not executed, exonerated. You lift the phone out of Chihiro’s hands and she lets you take it — with a caveat. “Read it out loud, okay? So I know we both saw the same thing.”

You start reading, your voice rattling. “In a time of rising crime, escalating drug trafficking, and a loss of trust in our institutions, the accused mass murderer Shigaraki Tomura became the avatar for Japan’s worst nightmares: A remorseless killer, hiding amongst the innocent, ready to strike at any time. Those who questioned the scant evidence the prosecutor provided were ridiculed. Those who believed that his confession to the murders of his parents, his grandparents, and his older sister was the product of coercion were reviled. Nineteen years later, they and the man they spoke up for have seen justice served.”

Your eyes are burning. You blink back tears and keep reading. “In a stunning but well-reasoned decision released on Monday afternoon, the Supreme Court reversed all seven murder convictions against Shigaraki Tomura in light of new evidence uncovered in the course of an entirely different investigation. Midoriya Izuku, a prosecutor turned human-rights advocate, became interested in Shigaraki’s case while working to restore another inmate’s right to visits from his adoptive father — fuck!”

Chihiro looks up. “Huh?”

“Sorry. It’s just — he called me,” you say. “Midoriya Izuku. He’s been calling. I didn’t know why.”

“It’s weird when you swear,” Chihiro notes. You mumble an apology. “Keep reading.”

“Upon reviewing the available evidence and pursuing new investigations, Midoriya made a motion for a retrial, which was granted by the Supreme Court and conducted under terms of absolute secrecy in order to avoid the media circus that ensued during Shigaraki’s original trial. The Court has agreed to release all documents related to Shigaraki’s case and is expected to do so within the next twenty-four hours. Some sources have indicated that a different suspect in the Shimura family’s murders has already been taken into custody, but no official confirmation has been received.”

Your hands are shaking now, so hard you almost drop Chihiro’s phone in your cup of hot chocolate. “Mom?” Chihiro says, and you look up, blinking hard. “Do you know who they arrested?”

Your first inclination is to ask why she thinks you of all people would know, but you clamp down on that. Even though the world’s just been yanked out from beneath your feet, your daughter is still the injured party. And when you think about it, you do have some idea of who it is. “His adoptive dad. He was the one who had custody of Tomura when the murders happened, and he was really excited to cooperate with the investigation.”

“Custody?” Chihiro repeats. “How old was he when he — when they died?”

“Fifteen,” you say. “If you’re older than fourteen when you commit a crime, they can try you as an adult.”

“You think his fake dad set him up,” Chihiro says. You nod. “Is there more to read?”

“A little bit.”

Chihiro scoots over on the couch, making a space, and you sit down next to her. She has to wake up her phone again for you to keep reading, and you get the jumpscare of SHIGARAKI TOMURA EX- a second time before scrolling down to where you left off. “Although a release date has not been announced publicly, it is the view of this magazine that Shigaraki should be released from prison as quickly as possible. He has paid a debt to society that was never owed in the first place. When Shigaraki Tomura is released from Fuchu Prison, he will walk out a free man. Society’s atonement for the crime it committed against him is only beginning.”

You glance at the byline out of habit. This article was written by Kizuki Chitose, and if you remember right, the last article she wrote about Tomura struck a pretty different note. She’d better start atoning right now. You’d be happy to help. Balling up every single scathing editorial and hit job she wrote and jamming them down her throat feels like it would be a good start.

“It’s real,” Chihiro says. You nod. “He’s getting out.”

You nod again. You’re with Kizuki on wanting Tomura to be released as quickly as possible. You’re just not sure what happens next.

Chihiro’s thinking along the same lines. “Mom, what are we going to do?”

“We’ll figure it out,” you promise her. She leans in against your side, and some horrible part of you exults. With the chaos that’s about to unfold, Chihiro can’t afford to hate you any longer — or if you stop thinking about it like an asshole, she doesn’t know what’s going to happen and you’re the person she turns to. It doesn’t matter that you don’t know any more than she does. You’re the adult, but something happened to you when you read that headline. Somehow it feels like no time has passed at all; like he was just torn away from you, like you’re a lonely, hopeless twenty-two-year-old with a baby on the way all over again.

But you aren’t. You made it this far. Your baby turned eighteen this year, and you managed to raise her close enough to right. “We’ll figure it out,” you promise her again. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“Maybe you were right,” Chihiro mumbles. “It would have been harder if I knew all this time.”

You think so. It’s still not an excuse. You wrap your arm around your daughter’s shoulders and hug her closer, relieved beyond words when she doesn’t pull away. You’ll take care of her first — make sure she eats, make sure she gets some sleep, because you know from experience how much harder everything becomes without it. And after she’s fallen asleep, you’ll finally return Midoriya Izuku’s calls.

<- Chapter 1 Chapter 3 ->

#shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x you #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki tomura x you #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x you #x reader #reader insert #man door hand hook car door #needle compass north

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melodies-at-midnight · 4 months ago

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Nobody really made Jinx

Powder was also unstable and mentally ill you just can't really tell as much with her. She was an 11 year old making nail bombs and bombs in general. What caused her to become Jinx wasn't her killing everyone and Vi 'leaving' her. Instead it was the toxicity of Silcos love for her. Silco loved her he really did but that love wasn't healthy it was extremely problematic. Her killing everyone was just another thing that added onto the pre-existing trauma but it didn't create Jinx. We see in the alternate time line that she despite it all (obviously things went very differently but still) she's able to be healthy. It was through her having an actual support system and non toxic love from people like Vander. I don't think this magically cured her neither. When Ekko asks about Vi's death she gets defensive and tells him to leave before she does something she regrets. She knows she's unstable to some extent she just knows how to control it. She was given a support system that allowed her to overcome her sisters death and heal in some manner. Because Jinx at the end of the day just wants her sister back. So does Vi. Its even in there god damn eye color.

literally in there mother fucking eye color. This was intentional Arcane is one of they most intentional shows I've ever watched. They put detail into *everything*. Vi only is okay with Caitlyn killing her when she is 100% convinced Powder is gone. Vi left behind Powder because she was the ONE person she couldn't physically stand to lose. She didn't want to lose Mylo and Claggor but shed be able to handle it. Vander had been asking her who are you willing to lose. She didn't want to lose Mylo and Claggor but shed be able to cope with it. Basically my point is: Jinx is a result of the environment Powder grew up in.

#arcane powder #powder #arcane #silco #arcane league of legends #ekko #arcane vander #silco and jinx #arcane silco #vander arcane #ekko arcane #silco arcane #jinx arcane #jinx #timebomb #arcane season 2

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elliecore4eva · 4 months ago

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The Weight of Words We Can't Take Back

pairing: asshole! ellie x Joel’s adoptive daughter!reader

Summary : You’re Joel’s adoptive daughter, living in Jackson, Ellie and you have been dating for 2 years and everything’s going well until it isn’t causing Ellie to snap and give you the silent treatment.

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Warnings: Angst, Mean Ellie and the silent treatment + fluff at end.

Very Mean! Ellie x Sunshine! Reader coded.

Requests open!

The Tipsy Bison buzzed with its usual evening crowd when everything fell apart. You and Ellie had been together long enough - two years of shared breaths, stolen kisses, and promises whispered under starlit skies - that everyone in Jackson knew you as a unit. The sunny-natured girl who'd stolen Joel's heart and his brooding, fierce adopted daughter. A perfect balance, they said.

Until tonight.

It started with patrol routes, like many of your arguments did. But this was different. The mountain pass had claimed three lives last month - good people, experienced fighters. The kind of loss that left holes in Jackson's tight-knit community.

"I'm taking the mountain route tomorrow," Ellie announced over your shared plate of Seth's famous fries. Her tone was casual, but you knew that set of her jaw. "There's been infected activity reported, and I'm the best shot we've got."

Your heart dropped. "El, no. Maria specifically said that route's off-limits until the snow melts. Even Dad agreed—"

"Joel doesn't make my decisions," she cut in, that familiar defensive edge creeping into her voice. "And neither do you."

"This isn't about making decisions," you countered, trying to keep your voice level. The couple at the next table was already stealing glances. "It's about being smart. Being safe. What happened to Danny and the others—"

"Happened because they weren't prepared!" Her voice rose slightly. "I'm different. I'm immune, remember? If anything goes wrong—"

"Being immune doesn't make you bulletproof!" The words burst out louder than intended. A hush fell over the nearby tables. "What about last summer? When you came back half-dead because you thought you could handle that bloater alone?"

"That was different—"

"No, it wasn't! You spent three weeks in the infirmary. I had to watch while you—" Your voice cracked. "While you fought for your life because you're so damn determined to prove something!"

Ellie's eyes flashed. The whole bar had gone quiet now, watching the unfolding scene. "I don't need to prove anything. I need to do my job, which is protecting this place. Protecting you."

"And what about the people who love you? What about Dad? What about me?" You could feel tears threatening. "Do you have any idea what it does to us every time you throw yourself into danger?"

"Oh, that's rich," Ellie laughed, but it was a harsh sound. "Coming from Little Miss Sunshine herself. You think just because Joel took you in, because everyone loves your perfect, optimistic ass, you get to tell me how to survive? I was surviving long before you showed up with your fucking rainbows and happy endings!"

The silence in the bar was deafening. You saw Jesse start to rise from his seat at the bar, saw Dina's hand fly to her mouth. But Ellie wasn't done.

"You want to know something?" She stood up, her chair scraping against the floor. "Maybe I'm tired of pretending. Tired of playing house and family dinner and whatever the fuck this is. Maybe some of us don't get happy endings. Maybe some of us are just too fucked up, too broken to—"

"Ellie!" Joel's voice cut through the bar. He must have just walked in, but the look on his face said he'd heard enough.

But the damage was done. You stood slowly, your whole body shaking. The tears you'd been holding back spilled over, and for the first time since you'd known her, Ellie's face showed a flash of immediate regret.

"Y/N," she started, reaching for you, all the anger suddenly gone from her voice. "I didn't—"

"Fuck you, Ellie Williams," you whispered, the words foreign on your tongue. You never swore, never spoke with anything but kindness. But this - this was different. "Just... fuck you."

You ran. Past Joel's outstretched arm, past Dina's concerned face, past the whispers and stares. Out into the cold Jackson night, where the stars that usually held so much wonder now seemed to mock your tears.

That was the beginning of the silence.

[First Silent Treatment - Day One]

The morning after the fight, you woke up in your old room at Joel's. He hadn't said a word when you showed up crying, just opened his arms and held you like he did the day he found you - half-dead from infected, but still fighting. Still hoping.

You spotted Ellie at the stables during morning patrol assignments. Your heart did that familiar dance - leaping at the sight of her, then remembering why it shouldn't. She was gearing up, checking her bow with mechanical precision, when you approached.

"Ellie?" Your voice was soft, hopeful despite everything. You held out her favorite travel mug - black coffee, two sugars. A peace offering. "Can we talk about last night?"

She stiffened. You saw her fingers tighten on the bow, saw the muscle in her jaw jump. For a moment, something flickered in her eyes - pain, regret, longing. Then nothing.

She shouldered past you, the coffee untouched, leaving nothing but the ghost of her presence and the scent of pine needles that always clung to her clothes.

The mug slipped from your fingers, shattering on the stable floor. Jesse appeared from nowhere, already sweeping up the pieces.

"She didn't mean it," he said quietly, gathering ceramic shards. "Any of it. You should have seen her after you left. She punched a wall so hard she broke two fingers."

"Then why won't she talk to me?"

Jesse sighed, looking older than his years. "Because Ellie's got this way of punishing herself. And right now? She thinks hurting you is what she deserves."

[Second Silent Treatment - Day Two]

The greenhouse had always been your sanctuary. Today, the warmth felt stifling. You were replanting those strawberry seeds - the ones you'd been saving for the garden you and Ellie had planned behind your shared garage. Your shared everything, until now.

The door creaked. Your heart stopped.

Ellie stood there, looking lost in a way that made your chest ache. Dark circles under her eyes matched the bruises on her knuckles. She needed supplies - the greenhouse was the only source for certain medicinal herbs.

"The yarrow's fresh," you said, voice trembling slightly. "I... I remembered you were running low."

She moved like a ghost through the rows of plants, past the tomatoes you'd grown together, past the herbs she'd helped you name. When she reached the yarrow, her hand brushed yours. For a split second, electricity sparked between you.

"El," you breathed. "Please."

She yanked her hand back like she'd been burned. The door slammed behind her with such force that leaves trembled from nearby plants.

Dina found you crying among the strawberry sprouts.

"She's not sleeping," Dina said, sitting beside you. "Keeps walking past Joel’s house at night. I caught her standing there at 3 AM, just... staring at your window."

"I miss her," you whispered. "Even when she's right in front of me, I miss her."

[Third Silent Treatment - Day Three]

Family dinner at Joel's had been sacred for two years. Even during your worst fights, you'd both shown up, kept the peace for Joel's sake. But tonight, the empty chair beside you felt like an open wound.

Joel had made his famous venison stew - the one that always made Ellie smile, even on her darkest days. The bowl sat untouched before her empty seat.

The front door opened. Ellie stepped in, freezing when she saw you. Her hair was wet from patrol, her jacket dusted with snow. Something dark stained her sleeve - blood? Your heart lurched.

"You're hurt," you said, already standing.

She turned and fled, the door banging shut behind her.

"Goddammit," Joel muttered, throwing down his napkin. "Baby girl," he said to you, using the nickname that always made you feel safe. "Stay put. I'm gonna talk some sense into that stubborn—"

"No," you stopped him. "She's not ready."

He looked at you with sad eyes. "You're too good for this world, you know that?"

"That's what Ellie used to say."

[Fourth Silent Treatment - Day Four]

Movie night at the community center. Your heart was already in pieces, but seeing her walk in with Dina, deliberately avoiding your usual seats - it felt like those pieces were being ground to dust.

You'd found "Jurassic Park" - her favorite movie. Had planned to use it as a peace offering. Now you sat alone in the front row, the empty seat beside you a monument to everything falling apart.

Throughout the movie, you felt her eyes on you. Every laugh from the crowd made you think of her commentary during previous viewings. The way she'd squeeze your hand during tense scenes, even though she'd seen it a dozen times. How she'd whisper facts about dinosaurs in your ear, her breath warm against your skin.

Jesse found you in the projection room later, rewinding the film with shaking hands.

"This has to stop," he said, pulling you into a hug. "You're both drowning without each other."

"I don't know how to fix it," you sobbed into his shirt. "I don't know how to reach her when she won't even look at me."

"She looks at you all the time," he said softly. "You just can't see it because you're too busy looking at the ground. She watches you like she's dying of thirst and you're the last drop of water in the world."

[Fifth Silent Treatment - Day Five]

The final straw came when you took the mountain pass patrol - her route. The very thing that had started this whole mess. Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was reckless, but you needed to understand. Needed to know what drew her to these dangerous paths.

You didn't expect to find her there, perched on a ridge, watching your approach with wide eyes that quickly turned to fury.

"What the fuck?" She broke her silence at last, voice raw with disuse and emotion.

"What are you doing here?"

"The same thing you do," you answered steadily. "My job."

She moved toward you like an approaching storm. "You can't— This isn't—" She stopped, chest heaving. "You shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you."

Something broke in her expression. For a moment, you thought she might finally talk - really talk. Instead, she turned away, shoulders shaking.

"If you won't talk to me," you called after her, your voice carrying across the snow, "at least talk to Joel. We all miss you, El. Even if you don't miss us back."

You saw her pause, saw her hand come up to wipe roughly at her face. Then she was gone, leaving you alone with the wind and the weight of all the words you couldn't take back.

That night, after your confrontation on the mountain pass, the storm that had been threatening all week finally broke. You sat in your old room at Joel's, watching lightning illuminate the mountains where you'd seen Ellie hours before. The thunder reminded you of her - wild, unpredictable, earth-shattering.

A knock at your door. Joel.

"She's at the water tower," he said softly. "Been up there for hours in this rain."

"Let her freeze," you muttered, but your hands were already reaching for your coat.

"Before you go," Joel caught your arm, his eyes serious. "Found her in the garage earlier, starin' at that guitar you two fixed up together. She was cryin', baby girl. First time I've seen her."

Your heart clenched. "Dad—"

"Just listen. Remember when I found you? Half-dead in that old library, surrounded by infected but still readin' stories to those kids you'd protected?"

You nodded. It was the day that changed everything - the day you gained a father and, eventually, a love you never thought possible.

"Knew right then you were special. Same way I knew about Ellie. You two... you're like those strings on her guitar. Different notes, but they make something beautiful together. Even when one's out of tune."

The rain was freezing when you stepped outside, but you barely felt it. Your feet carried you to the water tower automatically - how many nights had you and Ellie spent up there, counting stars, sharing secrets, planning futures?

She was hunched at the edge, soaked to the bone, looking smaller than you'd ever seen her. Your approach wasn't quiet - it never was, she always teased you about that - but she didn't turn around.

"If you're here to yell at me," her voice was hoarse, "get in line. Pretty sure Joel, Jesse, and half of Jackson already have dibs."

"I didn't come to yell." You moved closer, careful, like approaching a wounded animal.

"I came because my stupid, stubborn girlfriend is sitting in a thunderstorm, probably catching pneumonia, and apparently being dramatic is contagious."

A sound escaped her - something between a laugh and a sob.

"You know what the worst part is?" She finally turned to look at you, her face streaked with rain and tears. "Every time I walked past you, every time I forced myself not to speak, not to reach for you... it felt like dying. Over and over again."

"Then why?" Your voice cracked. "Why put us both through this?"

"Because!" She stood suddenly, gesturing wildly. "Because I'm poison! Because everyone I love either dies or leaves or—" She choked on the words. "And then there's you. You with your sunshine smile and your stupid optimism and the way you make everyone fall in love with you just by existing. You're everything good in this fucking world, and I'm just... I'm just me."

"Just you?" You stepped closer, anger and love warring in your chest. "Just the girl who spent three weeks teaching the settlement kids how to read? Just the person who risks her life every day to keep everyone safe? Just the idiot who climbed through my window every night for a month because I had nightmares about the library?"

"That's different—"

"No, it's not! You want to know what I see when I look at you, Ellie Williams? I see the girl who hums while she cleans her guns. Who doodles dinosaurs in the margins of patrol reports. Who taught me to play guitar even though I'm terrible at it, and never once stopped smiling when I hit the wrong chord."

You were toe to toe now, both shaking from cold and emotion.

"I see the person who makes Joel laugh," you continued, poking her chest. "Who sneaks extra rations to Maria when she's working late. Who named every damn cat in Jackson and pretends not to care about them but always saves scraps from dinner."

"Stop—" she whispered, but you were on a roll.

"I see someone who survived hell and still manages to be gentle. Who acts tough but cries at sad movies. Who makes stupid puns just to see me smile. Who loves so fiercely it scares her."

"I see you, Ellie. All of you. The mean and the sweet and the broken and the healing. And I'm not going anywhere, so you can either keep pushing me away and make us both miserable, or you can kiss me in this stupid romantic rain and then come home before we both get sick."

For a moment, she just stared at you, water dripping from her eyelashes. Then her hands were in your hair, pulling you close with a desperation that took your breath away. The kiss tasted like rain and tears and coming home.

"I'm sorry," she breathed against your lips. "I'm so fucking sorry. For everything I said at the Bison, for pushing you away, for being such a—"

"Colossal idiot?"

"I was going to say ass, but yeah, that works too." She pressed her forehead to yours. "I love you. Even when I'm being impossible. Especially then, probably."

"Good," you murmured. "Because I love you. Even when you're giving me the silent treatment and making our whole family stress-eat Seth's cooking."

A genuine laugh bubbled out of her. "Dad stress-baked three pies yesterday. Three." You held up three fingers.

"I know. Dina and Jesse ate most of them while planning ways to lock us in a room together until we worked things out."

"Guess we saved them the trouble." You smiled looking into her eyes.

She pulled back slightly, her eyes serious. "I can't promise I won't get scared again. Or that I won't try to push you away when things get hard. But I can promise to try. To talk instead of run. To remember that you choose me, every day, even when I don't understand why."

"That's all I need." You brushed wet hair from her face. "That, and maybe a hot shower before we both turn into ice sculptures."

Later, wrapped in warm blankets in your shared garage Maria and Tommy gifted the two of you. Ellie traced the constellations of freckles on your shoulder - a habit you'd missed desperately these past five days.

"Hey," she said softly. "Remember what you said last month? About wanting to plant a garden?"

"The one with the strawberries? Yeah."

"I, uh, may have started it. During the... you know. When I couldn't talk to you. Figured if I couldn't say the words, I could at least grow something beautiful. Like you."

Your heart swelled. "Is that what you were doing in the greenhouse?"

"Among other things." She reached under the bed and pulled out a journal - one of her many. "I wrote to you. Every time I couldn't speak. Every time I saw you cry and hated myself for causing it. Want to read them?"

You took the journal with trembling hands.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she smiled - that rare, soft smile reserved just for you. "After all, you're the only one who gets to see all of me, remember? The mean and the sweet and everything in between."

Outside, the storm had passed. Through the window, stars began to peek through clearing clouds - the same stars you'd spent countless nights naming together. And as you curled into Ellie's side, her heartbeat steady against your ear, you knew that some loves were worth the storm.

Even if they came with a side of dramatic water tower confessions and stress-baked pies.

🍓🥧❤️‍🩹🗼

READ PART TWO HERE!

#ellie williams #ellie willams x reader #ellie williams angst #the last of us #tlou fanfiction

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thegoldencontracts · 1 year ago

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What do you think about Self aware!Housewardens and what are your Headcanons for them HSBSJJAJAJAHA idk I've been into ddlc recently.

FELLOW DDLC + TWST FAN SPOTTED I MUST RAMBLE

I'm going to make more specific fics with this later because who doesn't like self-aware AUs? Probably someone but that someone is not me

Ignorance is Bliss

The housewardens of Night Raven College come to a crippling realization about the truth of their world. They all handle it in different ways.

Riddle, who knows he's in a game, that everyone here is fake. What did he learn all these rules for? What was the point of his suffering? He's just a character to be watched by others for amusement's sake. Was the Queen of Hearts a mere character too? Did any of this have meaning? But then he sees you. You're real, and he's enraptured. What are the rules of your world, the real world where life isn't some story to be played? Though Riddle can't help but envy you, he really does wish to get to know you better.

Leona is hit by the revelation after his overblot. Everything he's gone through was all a part of some game. Just a way to keep players entertained. You're real. You'll never have to deal with the crippling realization that everything you say's a part of some script, that whole life's a game you'll never be able to leave. More than anything, Leona hates the fact that he knows your kindness towards him is all fake, but he still can't help but be captivated.

Azul is envious, just like Leona. He's gone through all of this just for entertainment? His overblot, his family, his world- none of it was real? And you're there, watching his suffering like it's some game for you to play, because that's really all it is. A game. He's a character in a game. But, seeing how real you are, even if your words are conveyed through the black sprite of a self-insert protagonist, how genuine your kindness is - it draws him in. He's meant to be a cold, rational individual, but perhaps he can be a bit softer with you. You won't mock him. You won't leave. And besides, if this really is some odd game, can't Azul get more of your gems with gap Moe?

Kalim is rather accepting of his circumstances. Sure, he's heartbroken to see the truth - that his whole life's a part of some gacha game meant to make some massive corporation called Disney more money, but can he really do anything about it? Besides, Kalim has always been someone who believes in making the best of the terrible hand he's been dealt. He's stayed kind in the face on constant poisoning attempts, and he's kept his heart in a world where there was no one he could trust. And in his attempts to make the best of his situation, he can't help but get closer to you. After all, you're a real person, and you don't gain anything from turning on him. You appreciate his kindness, and even if there's a fourth-wall separating the two of you, Kalim's grateful.

Vil is shaken by the revelation. This is all a game? You're just here to be entertained? But in spite of how worldview-shattering the realization that he's just a game character meant to Garner profit is, he can't help but he oddly comforted. Nothing's wrong with him. Neige 's performance was supposed to be worse than his, and the ordeal at VDC was just as unfair as he thought. Though Vil isn't exactly fine and dandy, he's not quite broken either. And, in the actual fanbase of this game he's in, people like him better than Neige? And you're one of those people? If it turns out you write fanfic or draw fanart of him, he'll be very appreciative.

Idia's shocked. His brother's death, his overblot, all the overblots, they were setups for him to be a character in some non-otome gacha game? It's weird. Idia's all too used to not being in control of his life, though. He just tries to cope in any way he can. He's definitely going to try and learn about his fandom, what type of ships and fanfic and fanart and the like are made about him. He's one of the most likely to try and ask you about the fandom. If you make fancontent for him, he's going to be especially interested. Be warned, though, he will nitpick your characterization of him so hard. At least your stats are better now, I guess?

Malleus is already an isolated individual, and now you're telling him what little connection to others he has is fake? In all honesty, he's definitely the most attached to you out of all the dorm heads. You're the only real friend he'll ever be able to have. The only real friend any of them will ever be able to have. He does find comfort in his massive fanbase, though. You're telling him all these people care for him, and because of the difference in the way time passes in game vs in reality, they won't die in a matter of what feels like seconds for him? As shaken as he is by everything, it really is a comfort.

#azul ashengrotto #twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle Rosehearts #leona kingsholar x reader #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto x reader #kalim al asim x reader #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia

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mini-golden · 6 months ago

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I've been mulling over the Labyrinth arc specifically the questers decision to allow Boris to come, with it being brought up again with Felix trying to adopt Boris. Little disclaimer I have not reread the Labyrinth arc so I will probably miss out on a couple details here.

A question that I really been trying to wrack my brain around is "what could they have done for Boris". I remember when the labyrinth arc was happening I was so mad at the questers for the way that they were treating Boris. Especially as a teenager myself (14-15 at the time so literally the same age as Boris). But now that I think about it I really do want to know what the questers could have done because I feel like no matter that choice Boris would have gone anyway.

At this point Boris had recently run away when he was told that he could not be apart of saving his brother, right. So he has already demonstrated that he can and will put himself and others in danger to be with Bendy. I know some people said that he should have stayed back with the circus crew and I believe the circus crew would have definitely tried their best but ultimately we have to remember that he's a street kid, he knows how to get around adults, I don't think that they could have truly stopped him from going if he wanted to. Again he has already demonstrated that he will pick bendy over everyone else no matter how close you are to him. To Boris it's truly always been him and Bendy against the world, he's already burnt bridges with the relationships he built up. He now has a rocky relationship with the adult figures that he trusted, he thinks they should despise him.

Now I want to make clear that I am absolutely not excusing the clear adultification that a lot of the characters do to Boris specifically in this arc. It still really pisses me off, he is an emotional 14 year old boy of course he did the terrible things that he did, his frontal lobe isn't developed he can't think his actions through as well as the adults around him can. Specifically looking at you Michael Bradley I know your traumatised but wtf that is a child. Kinda excluding Cuphead though, he was a real one with how he acted with this.

Coming back to Felix here. I think Felix should have really honed in on the decision that they made by bringing Boris along. Felix should have sat Boris down and really had a talk to him with how dangerous it was going to be. Obviously we know that the questers did not expect how truly dangerous it would be but Felix has already done extremely dangerous stuff before so I think he definitely could have better prepared Boris for what they were going into. With what I mentioned in the paragraph above though I think I can really see why Felix made the decision he did. He already told Boris no and it ended with him being severely hurt emotionally and being cursed physically. And we can see in Felix' POV how deeply that scared Felix. Although I really do wish that he sat Boris down and truly told him how he felt about Boris running away and how he only wants to protect Boris. Really try to make him see how much he cares for him and try and build up that trust again.

Honestly so much of this stuff that happens really they could have been resolved if these idiots would just talk to each other, the miscommunication in this series istg :').

Ultimately I don't think that there was a "right" or "correct" choice that would have ended in Boris being safe from the record. There were definitely things that characters could have handled a lot better but truly none of them could have been prepared for how messed up the Labyrinth really turned out to be. Also could the questers have even gotten the record without Boris? I feel like Boris was needed for the record I truly don't know how they would have gotten the record otherwise with how hard it was for Boris to get it.

I really wish I wrote down my opinions and feelings at the time to how I feel about the arc now that I'm an adult, because of how close in age to Boris I was so I could truly relate to some of the feelings he was feeling with the adults around them. And now as an adult I can see more why the adults around him made the decisions they made.

#bendy and boris in the inky mystery #inky mystery #boris bbro #felix the cat #bendy bbro #michael bradley #cuphead #raine rants

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bluejay757 · 2 years ago

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Lets talk about Simon and Betty

spoilers for episode 8

So a lot of people are throwing around some strong accusations about their relationship, some I can see where they're coming from, and a lot are really reaching.

As for the ones that I think are reaching, a lot of people are saying that Simon and Betty were a professor/student dynamic, except they weren't. Simon wasn't teaching a class he was a guest lecturer, and Betty, having read his work was interested. She was excited to meet him because she liked his research. Simon was constantly mocked in his field, if you actually read the newspaper clippings from "I remember you" you'll see that even after he found the enchiridion, he was made fun of. People were literally laughing at him and throwing things at him while he was giving his lecture. Betty likely was mocked too, it makes sense she was so excited to meet him, because this was her chance to meet one of the few people that actually shared her interest. She did not yet have a crush on him at that point in time.

I think after she got to know Simon on a personal level her fascination of him changed, as she no longer viewed him as a "celebrity" (I use that term loosely for a lack of a better word, I can't imagine his books sold that many copies, what with him being a laughing stock and him being genuinely surprised that Betty had read his work), but rather a colleague and equal. She even said that after their trip together she had grown to admire him as a person, so it's not like she had any kind of feelings for him prior to that. Now that's not to say her feelings towards him were completely normal, but there definitely wasn't a power imbalance between them.

A lot of people are saying Simon was selfish for making her stay behind, but he didn't make her. She chose to stay behind. She could have still gone on that trip, and continued to write to him and talk to him on the phone, but she chose to stay with him and go on different adventures. You're forgetting that Simon and Betty went on expeditions together all the time, it's not like she gave up her career for him, that would be a whole different story, but she made the decision to continue working in her field alongside him.

Also Simon couldn't have gone on that trip if he did want to because he wasn't offered to go, who ever it was that gave Betty that opportunity, wasn't anticipating on her bringing a friend, he also didn't have anything with him but like his wallet and keys you can't seriously expect him to go to another country with no luggage, no plane ticket, no money, no nothing. A whole part of Fionna's character arc is realizing that life's not a fairy tale, she was expecting something out of a romance novel and got a story straight from reality. Realistically the two options were for Betty to stay or to leave Simon. And I don't think her giving up her trip to Australia was a sacrifice, because there were other trips and opportunities after that, she traded that one trip for an entire lifetime of them, (or at least it would have been if war didn't break out)

And if you're gonna call Betty impulsive, call her impulsive because she went on a trip around the world with a man she had never met, not because she walked through a creek barefoot lmfao.

I'm not saying that Simon and Betty were perfect but there are other reasons to criticize them.

As for the actual problems with there relationship, none of them are their fault. Betty going literally crazy trying to bring Simon back was because of Magic Man and Patience fucking with her brain, a human being cannot handle the amount of magic she was given and it drove her to insanity. And Simon now, with risking everything to bring her back, she's literally fused with a chaos god and is going to live for eternity in that state, did you ever think maybe he wants to get her out of that for her sake? That maybe he wants closure and to say goodbye? Since he never got that chance. No it's not healthy for Simon to drive himself as far as he did to bring her back, but Jesus fucking Christ can you blame him for not wanting his fiance to suffer for literal eternity? They don't need to break up, they need therapy. I don't think their relationship pre-mushroom war was unhealthy, and I don't think it ever would have been unhealthy without Betty becoming Magic Betty.

Their relationship flaws are more so their own individual flaws that have bled into their relationship as opposed to ones caused by the relationship itself, that's an important distinction you have to see.

#petrigrof #adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #betty grof

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ajastu · 2 months ago

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thinkin about...how much i appreciate the way that talking about death and grief was handled in veilguard. I've been thinking about this topic a lot for the last several years bcs of...many reasons. So it was nice to see.

I guess maybe the best way i could put it into words is...Veilguard did not present grief/loss as purely a tragedy, but also as a part of life? the worst happens, and it might feel world-ending, but you will still need to get up the next morning and eat breakfast, you know? the unrelenting flow of time can be both a comfort and a pain, but no matter what it is in the moment, the fact remains that life Does Not Stop. And we have to deal with that somehow.

i guess one important distinction here. There is a difference between personal loss and like. A massive tragedy. I'm mainly talking about personal loss here, because the two are kind of different topics (that the game addressed differently, also, but this isnt about that right now)

Before i talk about the like, companion questlines, a very brief aside to the environmental design. Admittedly, i havent rly gone looking around the maps for the making of this post specifically, so it won't be too involved, but like. Arlathan, man. Loss and tragedy is etched over every part of it. the ruins, yes, but also...the tree people. At first glance, it is a sunny, beautiful location. And it is! It is also full of little stories of loss and desperation and everyday lives cut unexpectedly short. And you see it the moment you stop and look at it. It is easy to run through without paying much mind to it, but once you notice it you can't really unsee it. And it is still so beautiful and sunny. It's something i liked about the first Dishonored game, too, the juxtaposition of the environment with the tragedy. The sky is blue and the sun is shining when Corvo escapes Coldridge. etc.

Grief will find you again on a nice summer's day. You know?

You can't untangle it from the joys of life. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just...neutral. That's just how it works.

One of the ways people deal with grief is through rituals to remember the dead. Funerals, tending of graves, etc etc. I think Emmrich's quests touch on that in a very nice way.

What i appreciate about that is, like...some people tend to have a fear and aversion to topics related to death. But these quests present it all in such a mundane manner. And you get the option to treat it as such, too. Of course, there is the option to freak out, also, but i'll admit i never checked that one out.

I think part of processing grief is accepting it. And it might mean many different things to many different people, but for me personally those funerary rituals, both big and small, become a first step. And it won't stop being painful, but life does not stop either. You have to choose to live it, eventually. But when you're afraid of taking that first step, well. The grief might just eat you alive.

Every creature's existence brings along with it the death of something else, whether intentional or not. Death is as much a part of life as breathing is, and so getting somewhat comfortable with the concept will help soften the blow whenever it comes. Because it will come.

Funny thing happened while i was playing the game for the first time. I got spoiled about Manfred dying, and when i found that out, i was like. OH NOOO not Manfred....im definitely 100% reviving him.

And then i actually got there, and...the game prepares you so beautifully for acceptance of personal loss. Of course, there is the bias of Ive Been Thinking About This Exact Thing For Years, but still. It felt more...right? to let Manfred go. It still took me a while to decide what to choose, but the fact remains that i had to really sit there and think about it, even though i thought i have already made up my mind.

And just...the whole Cyrian funeral bit. Oh my god. That was so beautifully done. Bellara's story in general was something i really appreciated, but that part was especially hard-hitting for me. Yes i cried. Life goes on.

I feel like it touches some more on the importance of processing the grief, so that you can remember those you lost with fondness and joy instead of just pain. Again, you can't untangle the two, but you can find balance, eventually. Facing that loss instead of running from it...it helps.

And this bit the game itself said in a way i do not think i need to paraphrase:

Death, loss, grief...all of that is difficult. It is also a part of life. And the thing is, life goes on!! I'm not saying that in a "get over it" way. I am saying that in a. ''Holy shit why are things happening'' way. I'm going through this paralyzing grief and life just keeps on happening. And you have to adapt to it, you know? You stop thinking about it constantly, in time. You find joy with the living. But grief will still find you on a nice sunny day...

I don't know. I'm probably not saying everything i wanted to, but it's kind of hard to keep my thoughts in order (plus, this post was a spontaneous decision n im too lazy to go thru the whole game for more examples).

But i guess the main thing i wanted to say is. I appreciate that the game gives you space to sit with it. To think about it. To come to terms with it, even, maybe. DATV did a wonderful job with handling this topic.

It is also tied into the main plot in ways that other people have talked about already. But yeah. The only thing i missed was the lack of a "let the bugs eat me" dialogue option when Emmrich asks Rook what they'd like to be done with their body after they die, but i guess we cant have it all dlkgjdfg

I'm just gonna conclude this with my all-time favorite screenshot from Disco Elysium

#valtalks #dragon age #dragon age veilguard #datv #datv positive #veilguard positive #datv spoilers #veilguard spoilers #throwback to me texting my friend like 'emmrich's graveyard quests are tailored to me specifically'#im so sososo glad you get the option to treat it as mundane #so often it is seen as something creepy or morbid to talk about death and the rituals surrounding it #but you cannot separate it from life!!!!#god. okay im normal again #oh and. uh #disco elysium spoilers #i guess DFL:GKDFKG #that screenshot IS from the endgame

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 2 years ago

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Boyfriend!Hobie Brown Heacanons - Hobie Brown x GN!reader

I am not normal about Hobie Brown and I don't plan on stopping

Before we begin!! I feel like Hobie would be really slow and hesitant on letting his partner know he's Spider-man (considering he wasn't willing to tell Miles).

So I imagine he'd try to juggle it with the band and all the political action he does. He just wants to keep you safe, but when it comes up he usually brushes off why he up and disappears sometimes. But if directly confronted, he's not gonna lie cause he feels like that's shitty. If asked why he's gone, he'd come out and say it, but try to soften the blow best he can.

(With that out of my system)

Okay first things first Hobie is the most SUPPORTIVE bf ever

No matter what he's always in your corner

Hobie believes in his partner a lot, and that means he'll always back you - even if he's the only person to have your back

And he knows you can handle your own, but if anyone has anything to say about it they can deal with him

(RIP to anyone who tries to talk down to you or insult you cause he finna roast they asses no filter)

He's an incredibly good listener. Like crazy good

Hobie's able to bring up things you don't even remember telling him, things said in passing that yoy may not think is important, but he still picks up on

Which is why he's really good to vent to. He may not have a lot of words of comfort, but is has a shoulder to cry on, and if you're angry, he's always there to validate that. Plus no matter what you're going through, he'll always encourage you to get through it, and keep your head up

Hobies also a low-key romantic (in his own way).

If you think Pavi is a great boyfriend then wait to you get with Hobie

If you're like most people, Hobie is most likely taller than you.

He's a lot touchier than you'd think, in his own way. Leaning on you, hanging off of you, arm over your shoulder, or crossing his legs over yours.

Hobie is a man of much slang and many nicknames (and part of the reason people playfully call Pav 'Big Steppa')

He'd call you nicknames more than your actual name - 'love',' 'darling', 'bird' the like, along with some few custom ones

Most of his date ideas involve breaking the law in some way and bashing the occassional facist together

Hobie is actually incredibly smart, both street wise and science wise, so I imagine he's pretty well read. I could see him really enjoying the some anarchist literature with his partner, and then discussing it with them

Protests are his favorite kind of date, followed by concerts, and picnics in abandoned buildings

(or, after he meets Miles, going out to graffiti)

he lets you wear his vest and even helps you make your own

He may not be as verbally affectionate or into PDA as Pavi is, but he still makes it clear that he trusts you and cares about what you have to say

He may not say 'I love you' in front of people, but he'll pull you onto his lap, or ask if you're okay, and give you slang-covered compliments all the time

Being Spider-man is actually a lot more stressful than Hobie lets on

And like most Spider-men, he looks to his other half as support, emotionally

being an international rockstar and anti-facist icon comes with big images, but when he and his partner are alone, he feels a lot more relaxed and a lot less pressured.

Hobie's been Spider-man for 3 years, meanwhile Pavi and Gwen are both in their first months of joining the spider-society. Because of that, he kinda feels responsible for them

He's been putting up with the Spider-Society's shit for years (hence why Miguel is so done with him)

There's definitely times he's come home to his dimension cursing and fuming

Any type of injustice or power inbalance really pisses him off, and sometimes if its really bad he can't stop thinking about it

Especially growing up in a totalitarian universe

He leans on his partner to remind him that there are still good people out there fighting for what's right

Hobie has already gone through most of his canon events, and he carries that with him, though he won't say it

From his reaction in atsv, he doesn't talk about it a lot, and tries is best to brush it off but sometimes, it just can't be ignored

his partner would probably be the only person he brings it up to and it just makes him more pissed with the spider-society

When he's relaxed though Hobie may be more quiet in private, strumming his guitar as his listens to you, or kicking back while the two of you shoot the shit

Pavi's energy hypes him up a lot though, so you two hit up Mumbattan a lot

Or he loves bringing his partner to band practice and mic checks. And he always calls them out in the crowd if he's on the mic

Last sweet stuff okay

If he's gone he'll give his partner one of his bracelets. He'll just be like 'oi, hold this.' then leave chill as hell

Gwen, Pavi, and Miles are all really supportive of you two, even if they have a thousand questions in the beginning (all of which he dodges or plays off)

He's not one to get jealous at all. But he will join a conversation and casually mention the rockstar-model thing. Just to assert dominance. A subtle flex

He keeps asking you to give him a stick & poke somewhere because he thinks it's a cute idea

He likes doing that thing where he sits behind you while he teaches you guitar

He loves having you sleep over, and you can crash in his dimension any time

Especially after he meets Gwen. His fave thing to do is to just play while he listens to the two of you talk for hours

Hobie is a really heavy sleeper but somehow gets up exactly when he needs to be or right before shit starts going down - otherwise he sleeps till 1pm everyday

If theres anything Hobie is, its loyal and supportive, and he wants nothing more than for you to be safe, and free, and happy

(even if most of his advice is throwing a brick at someone)

He is always pushing you to do better, to speak up for yourself or trust yourself because he knows how much you're capable of

And finally he knows your favorite song by heart to the point that if hes zoning out or missing you, he'll strum it on the guitar without even realizing

(okay bye lemme know what you thought thanks for reading loves also I am not okay i am obsessed with him )

#hobie brown #hobie x reader #hobie brown x y/n #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x you #spider punk x reader #spider punk #spider punk x you #marvel #marvel comics #spiderman #spider man #across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #atsv

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