#--period of time. i genuinely think it was in my early teens? so like 16-17 years ago? jesus christ

[ashtcnirwin]

💫

[burn-in-the-dawn]

"CURSED" Characters' Age Breakdown (per the book)

Squirrel: 10 years old

Iris: 11 years old

Pym: 16

Nimue: 16

Gawain: 23 (see discussion below)

Uther Pendragon: 26

Arthur: age unspecified, likely 25-26 (see discussion below)

Lancelot: age unspecified, presumably same age range as Gawain & Arthur & Uther (to be discussed in more detail at a later date)

Morgana: age unspecified, likely 21-24 (she's stated in the book by Arthur to be 2 years younger than him, but he's an unreliable narrator about his past so that might be unreliable as well...see discussion below)

DISCUSSION/Explanation of Questionable and/or Speculated Ages

Gawain: Okay, so, the book expressly states him to be "7 years older" than Nimue & have left Dewdenn "at age 14", specifying his departure as having been 9 years before the story itself takes place (Nimue is confirmed several times in the book to be 16 - almost 17). And despite the fact that actor Matt Stokoe (29-30 at time of filming) does not pull off passing for early-mid 20s the way his costars do (IRL he's a few years younger than Daniel Sharman who played The Weeping Monk / Lancelot & only two years older than Devon Terrell who played Arthur), that's something I'm willing to suspend my disbelief on & mentally compartmentalize as "world-weariness & war have taken a toll & 'aged' him beyond his years". In part because, looking back at some of his roles several years ago, the actor looked damn near 30 when he was 23. My own ex looked at age 24 (when I met him) older than Stokoe does now, I've got a friend who looked mid-30s at age 19, I have old photos of my mother at age 13 where she looked completely indistinguishable from her wedding pictures at 23 or her nursing school graduation pictures at 27 & I myself was consistently mistaken for my mid-20s by the time I was 14. The classic "Gawain" hairstyle also does him no favors; there's a scene very early on in his introduction, when he & Nimue are alone in one of the caverns discussing the Sword & Merlin, where he's freshly clean shaven with his hair pulled back away from his face in a ponytail & while he still doesn't look 23 he does look considerably younger than in any other scene in the series. (I genuinely think that production was just kind of oblivious - with 34 year old Daniel Sharman so easily passing for a decade younger - to the fact Matt Stokoe was not 'reading' early-mid 20s the way his costars do). But more pointedly, in the context of 'Cursed', Arthur's fear of loosing Nimue to Gawain is played out only as jealousy directed at a perceived rival for her affection. Regardless of which one's responses & behaviors to other situations present as mature vs childish, they very expressly interact with eachother behaviorally as rivals & contemporaries, NOT like a youth vs an older adult (in fact, Gawain behaves markedly immaturely around/toward Arthur - on pretty much every level - up until Moycraig). They even choreographed the majority of Gawain's/Arthur's postures & movements to mirror eachother from their 2nd scene together onward, to draw a cinematic visual parallel between them from the very beginning. I think if Gawain being considerably older had been an intentional/conscious change on the part of the show, the dynamic of their relationship wouldn't have been staged so specifically to mirror eachother to such an extent.

Arthur: Now, that being said, even though the book doesn't specify I strongly suspect book-Arthur himself to be canonically no younger than 25. Reason being, in the Arthuriana Tradition, Arthur unknowingly being a Pendragon bastard or secret offspring is one of the single most consistent themes throughout centuries of varying lore, hand in hand with the magic Sword, for his claim to the throne. And the book does have him expressly introduce Morgana as his younger half-sister, which not only suggests same mother with different father but also that despite Arthur having been raised by him they know he's not biologically Sir Tor's (although Arthur thinks of him as such). Now, 'Cursed' is obviously forgoing the traditional lore of Arthur being Uther's illegitimate son, because no matter how you slice it Uther's too young to have fathered him even if you aged show-Uther up a decade+ from the book's specified 26 years old & aged Arthur down a bit. But beyond that, they've thrown in the added touch of Uther himself - having been secretly switched at birth for Queen Lunette's still-born son - not in fact being the previous king's true-born heir. Once the Sword passes eventually to Arthur, even with legends about "he who wields the sword will be the true king", Man Blood society will require more than prophecy to recognize/legitimize a his rulership. Though strictly speculation, if I had to make a prediction about Book/Season 2, it would be on Merlin or someone else uncovering evidence that Arthur's actually the previous king's illegitimate biological son rather than his "father" Sir Tor's - conceived shortly before the old king's death sometime during Queen Lunette's pregnancy - at a guess that evidence coming from either Arthur's aunt or uncle. I figure that evidence will wind up being publicly recognized/acknowledged as part of the climax of a redemption/growth arch for Uther, naming Arthur his "brother/heir", prior to his own death - giving Arthur a legitimate claim on the Pendragon throne that supercedes Cumber's claim as a Pendragon cousin. If I'm right in that prediction, since the old King had died by the time Uther was born, Arthur can be no more than 9 months younger than 26 year old Uther, making him at least 25. (It's debated within the fandom that he doesn't look or act like the character is out of his late teens, but considering the actor himself is 28, I'm really not sure how that's defined? Appearance-wise he's got more chest hair on display with his doublet on than Lancelot does with shirt off & his immature avoidance of responsibility seems from the book to be more reflective of subconsciously modeling Tor's example than an age indicator but he's old enough he's spent several years already as a sword-for-hire mercenary. So, while I do allow my theory in his parentage & age is speculation which Book/Season 2 may prive me completely wrong able - not ratified canon - I do stand by that theory for my fic-verse; how old someone "looks" is really subjective & debatable, plus if "maturity level" was meant to be any kind of concrete age indicator in the Cursed-verse then King Uther wouldn't spend the entire series & book acting like a spoiled 6 year old.)

[The following doesn't change anything about how old I think Arthur himself is, but creates some potential flexibility regarding Morgana's age: When Arthur's reflecting on memories of childhood - even via internal monolog - he's consistently inconsistent regarding what age he claims to have been for key noted childhood events (at one point in his thoughts he recalls being 16 with his living mother away tending to a sick relative when Tor died, but later on in the book he reflects that he'd been 10 when Morgana was sent away to Yvoire Convent after he inherited all of Sir Tor's debt with presumably no living mother around to prevent it; alternatively, the show specified he was age 12 when Tor died & Morgana was sent away). At first I thought it was a total screw-up in the writing, but then I reread Morgana's repeated characterization of him as inconsistent & flighty & self-serving & utterly full of shit, paired with Arthur's own characterization of Tor (who again, I don't think was his biological father but was certainly his most formative male role-model) as quite literally talking out of his ass about his imaginary exploits pretty much 100% of the time & Arthur himself repeatedly bending the truth to get what he wants as an ingrained survival habit consistently seen via interaction with people like Bors & Druuna. Again, this is purely speculation, but I think it his written contradictory self-reflections were probably very much on purpose to intentionally establish him as a starting off a significantly "unreliable narrator" the same way he recalls Tor being, to the point of lying to himself rather than deal with painful memories or take accountability/responsibility for uncomfortable personal flaws & faults. I suspect that him overcoming that tendency that he learned from Tor's example - with actions like admitting to Nimue he was in the wrong going after the first man he ever killed (mistakenly believing him to be one of those responsible for Tor's death) shaming his father's memory & like coming back to fight with/for the Fey - are going to be a driving feature within his growth/redemption arch in Book/Season 2.]

Morgana: The book specifies Arthur telling Nimue that Morgana is 2 years his junior; however, he establishes himself as such an unreliable narrator that I feel like anything he says about him & Morgana that's not directly corroborated by Morgana herself is suspect, even their age difference, so I'll allow for the possibility of the age gap potentially being up to 4 years instead of 2. If my guess (see above) about Arthur's paternity - therefore his age - is correct, that puts Morgana herself somewhere between 21 -24. Per societal norms of the period, that actually puts her into "old maid" territory, but contextually to the historical era, she would have been able to get away with dodging societal pressure of being married off against her wishes by that age - up until leaving the abbey at least - because of having been at convent (in contrast to 16 year old Pym, who in both the book & the show says her mother's trying to force her into an unwanted marriage to "Stinky Aaron" the human fish-wife's son).

(note: I compiled this mostly as a quick reference citation I can direct myself or my fic readers back to for my 'canon' logic on the ages I've assigned characters in my stories. I went with the ages listed in the book for my fic-verse because of the express lack of clarification of most of them given in the show & am speculating on the others based on lore-related theory, so yes the potentially problematic age difference is present. I don't intend to villainize Arthur over having pursued her, partially because even though the readers know she's 16 there's nothing in the book & only one brief comment from Gawain in the show which isn't followed up on - Ector calling her a child doesn't count because he dismisses all of them as children - to indicate that Arthur knows she's that young & many contextual reasons for him to have assumed she was older. I apologize if that offends, but it's not meant as an endorsement of it; as the story outline/concept for this fic-verse stands I have no plans on romantically pairing Nimue with anyone & no plans for Pym so soon after Dof's death to be seriously looking at anyone in that capacity until much later in the story.)

[thatlittledandere]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 15, 16, 17, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 26, 27, 31 and 40 for that shipper ask meme (sorry for picking so many but those questions are GOOD)

You're right, they absolutely are. I'm sorry in advance that this is gonna be LONG and I'm on mobile so I can't even add a read more;;

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had

So I'm SURE there were relationships I was invested in in movies and cartoons I watched as a child (I've always been a sucker for romance, even though there was that period when I didn't want to admit it) but I can't remember anything from very far back;; So it was either Ron and Hermione from Harry Potter or Ichigo and Masaya from Tokyo Mew Mew, whichever I read first.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life

GOSH. You can't do this to me. I guess Romione because it was the time in my preteens when I was becoming more aware of... stuff, in general, abs the two cemented my love for friends-to-lovers. Then Ioryuu, because I've never been AS invested in and passionate about a ship before and likely never will. Nothing can compare to that intensity and ngl I miss it;; I miss the genuine hype I felt in my heart that made me interact with people and make things. So many things. I honestly can't think of a third one with such a lasting impact, sorry;;

3. What's your current OTP?

I imagine Souyo scenarios in my head every night before falling sleep and every morning after waking up, this is not a joke not an exaggeration. I still feel a little traitorous saying this on tumblr but their dynamic IS somewhat similar to the way I see Ioryuu so-

4. What's your current NoTP?

I don't think I have one? I have dislikes, some of them strong, but I don't see any of them often enough to be, like, actively angry. I have better uses for my time than willingly exposing myself to stuff I don't like.

5. Do you have any poly ships?

Not generally, juggling two characters is enough work lol. The only poly ships I've ever really actively shipped are Niels, Duncan and Natalie from the web comic Niels And the Gang by humon and Kinatsuen from Boueibu, but neither are actively on my mind much these days.

8. Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?

BOY HAVE I EVER. I've seen someone on tumblr have a side blog for self-shopping and not gonna lie, it's an excellent idea. My late teens were spent reading character x reader fics on Quotev and I started my fic career with the same genre. I don't really know what to do with myself when I DON'T actively ship myself with a character, which is my state of being now that Yosuke surpassed Yoosung as my favorite character;; Ibushi and Yoosung are the biggest ones but man oh boy I have shipped myself with characters from early age and I'm showing no signs of stopping! There's a reason that I main dating sims.

15. Have you ever "shipped at first sight"?

Not for long. I SUCK at forming first impressions. Usually if I start thinking I'll ship something, I end up not being so invested in it after all, and instead shipping something I swore off at first lmao. Which leads us to...

16. Talk about a ship you initially disliked

As a rule of thumb, all of them. I don't understand HOW it keeps happening but somehow almost all the ships I truly care/d about (that I didn't start shipping through osmosis before knowing them in the source material) started out as something I thought I "wouldn't be able to get behind." Gajevy. Shikatema. Sasunaru. Doctor/Rose. Karabita. Atsutodo. Kiribaku. Yoozen. Enatsu. Freaking IORYUU. EVEN SOUYO. IT'S BEEN YEARS I REALLY SHOULD KNOW THE PATTERN BY NOW

17. Talk about a pairing you've stopped shipping romantically

Like, I started to think they're better as friends after all? I guess NaLi. Then again, I mostly only shipped them out of spite in the first place because I wanted a counter for N/a//Lu, which I never liked at all;;

20. Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping

Now this time I can say for sure that there isn't one. I can't come up with ships myself and stay on board if there isn't content for it, canon or otherwise;; It's not a conscious decision or anything, it's just how my mind works. I get attached to stuff by exposure, whether from fans or the source material, and if the source material has enough content for two characters for me to pick up on and become interested, it's guaranteed to be enough to become a somewhat popular ship.

21. Is there a ship you just don't get, but have nothing against?

Actually... That's the extent I go to with notp'ing these days. I'm passionate about the right to ship whatever you want so by proxy I can't have anything "against" a ship, even if the sheer thought of it existing makes me nauseous. And I know how to think from points of view other than my own, so I can usually see the appeal, even if it appeals to me personally less than eating dog shit while walking barefoot on rusty nails that are also on fire.

That said, the only ships I have on my Tumblr blacklist are Yoo//ra/n and Suza//lu/lu because they're both popular ships for characters whose tags I am/was following and therefore get suggested a lot even if I want following anyone who ships then. Oh, and all B/LMa//tsu ships! I generally can't feel good about incestuous ships, but can and will fight for their shippers' right to do as they please as long as they stay respectful. (never saw blmatsus who weren't respectful. saw a plethora of anti-blmatsus who were absolute demons. actually the reason i moved away from the last remnants of my anti mindset was that i didn't want to be associated with THOSE anti-blmatsus, when the shippers they wanted dead were all such sweet people. food for thought.)

22. Which of your ships have the best chemistry?

All of them?? Lmao I don't understand this question, isn't shipping all about liking the chemistry between characters? Or the potential for it I guess, in which case the chemistry is whatever you want it to be, which is great B) I'm sorry I keep accidentally dodging questions I'm bad at choosing examples from a long, unordered list

23. Which of your ships deserve better writing?

Hhhhhhh I shipped Jerza for years and was still unsatisfied with their ending, Jellal didn't get to heal enough and we didn't really see them working through their past in an effective way and getting comfortable around each other. It's like they were supposed to be friends to enemies to lovers but the last part didnt really develop and their relationship stagnated at the stage were they were both just permanently awkward out of regret, and couldn't bring themselves out of it even though everything was forgiven forever ago. Or I've forgotten a lot of stuff that happened. Very likely. Is your a case of bad writing or good writing not working out the way I wanted it to? You're asking the wrong person.

25. Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs/graphics or similar?

EYUP. Harumichi was my otp for like a whole year before I saw a single episode with them lol. It was crazy, but it was REAL. I've also went into shows already paying attention to things I knew my friends/people I follow shipped, kind of hoping I'd get into it.

26. Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic I'm writing these questions down from screenshots and I cropped the rest of this one out by accident rip

Eeeh I go for the obvious. Best friend pairs, obvious pining, some rivalry with sexual tension, though I don't really know what to do with those. Then there's the fact that I never see it coming sick Persona 5 reference bro and start shipping the couple I thought "should just be friends" at first. This is more about my relationship to the ships than their dynamic but it's very constant...

27. Is there a ship you've shipped for most of your life?

Hmmm well I got into HP and started shipping Romione sometime in mid elementary school so it's definitely been more than half my lifetime since, but I don't really know if I "ship it" anymore. I didn't start disliking them or anything but for me, "shipping" is an active intrest in a fictional relationship, so if it reaches the stage where I like it, in theory, but I don't have the feels, it doesn't really count. That's why I can say I like ships without shipping them. It's gotta be actively on my brain, man.

31. Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love

I haven't mentioned Kannao once, which is criminal. So here's some of what I imagine their future to be like :D I've been getting new Persona followers recently so here's something for you to unfollow me over lmao

So first of all I ignore the canon that Naoto goes back to the city for her detective work after her first year of high school, shhh she stays in Inaba, only taking the occasional jobs. She and Kanji start dating during the spring break before their second year and get more comfortable with each other, so that the next summer they're still cute and very much themselves (which means somewhat reserved) but not as awkward anymore :) I haven't thought about what happens after they graduate but they get married in their early 20s and have a son <3 (Chie and Yukiko adopted their daughter only slightly earlier. They may or may not have had a bit of a competition going on) ((yes Souyo are very much together but if they end up having children I haven't thought about it it's later))

Kanji manages the textile shop and Naoto helps when she's free from detective stuff. They live in Inaba but Naoto is away quite often for her gigs;; She takes up a few jobs less when Kouta is little though so he wouldn't feel less close to his Mom than his Dad.

Both Kanji and Naoto suffered from unfair expectations growing up, so they try their best to make up for it with Kouta's upbringing. They want him to feel comfortable being himself and free to express himself the way he wants; they make sure he knows he'll always be loved and supported, and to never be ashamed of who he is. As a child it doesn't even occur to him that many social norms and social expectations exist, because Naoto and Kanji pretty much let him do whatever as long as he isn't hurting himself or anyone else. They might go a little overboard though, giving into Kouta's whims without much consideration at all. The Amagi Aunties enforce rules and keep kids grounded in reality much better lmao

40. If you could change one thing about your otp, what would that be?

HMNGHNMHGNMGH I WAMT YOSUKE'S INTERNALIZED BULLSHIT ACKNOWLEDGED!! It's there AtlUS!! Stop pretending oh my god.... I love the Dancing All Night story mode (so far. I am by no means done); Yosuke gets cool moments and Yu's internal monologue really shows how much he appreciates him. The dynamic is so much better than with a silent protagonist, and thank god they didn't go with the tactless anime Yu (as fun as he is). I know there are a bunch of nods to the cut romance across spinoffs but mannnn... I wish they were more serious about it. At this point it's not even that far-fetched to think Yosuke has feelings for Yu that he may or may not be aware of, and I know that Yu as the player character can't be too tied down to one option in canon, but still... Even the clown gets tired of jokes at some point. One can dream.

40 ship questions

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

[writing-to-stay-awake]

Well, if you still can’t sleep... all the other numbers that haven’t been answered yet! 👀

WOW Soph. That’s a lot of numbers. 

But I am bored in class so. 

3.three songs that you connectwith right now.

Oliver Riot- AlcatrazFARR – IndecisionFlorence + The Machine - Moderation

4.would you have sex with thelast person you text messaged?

Not even a little chance.

5.have you taken someonesvirginity?

Yes.

6.how many people of theopposite sex do you fully trust?

Like, 2. Maybe.

7.if you could, would you takeback your last kiss?

Nah.

8.who would you like to see inconcert?

I’m only going to pick oneinstead of prattling on forever.King Princess.

11.do you think you’ll changein the next 3 months?

I sure as hell hope so.Stagnation is death.

13.a song you’d listen toduring soft/slow/passionate sex?

Totally dependent on who itswith.

14.have any pets?

Not anymore. ☹

15.do you want to have kids?How many?

I don’t wanna personally popout kids. I’d consider adoption or kids from a partner if they wanted them.

16.do you have piercings? Howmany?

Five. All in the ears.

17.do you miss anyone from yourpast?

Absolutely. It’s hard. But youjust choose to keep moving.

18.what are you craving rightnow?

A Chick-Fil-A biscuit and somecoffee.

19.have you ever brokensomeone’s heart?

Yeah. I’m not proud of it.

20.have you ever been cheatedon?

More than once.

21.have you made aboyfriend/girlfriend cry?

See above number 19. Yes.

22.do you believe in true love?

True love? A single soulmateout there for everyone? No. Growing love and changing love. And expanding love.And supportive love. Yeah. I think that’s out there.

23.favourite weather?

Warm and drizzling rain probably.Or warm and sunny with like…..30% humidity. A nice comfortable atmospheric blanketwithout smothering you.

24.do you like the snow?

I love the snow as long as I’mnot stuck in it.

25.do you wanna get married?

I don’t know about marriage. Committedrelationship, yes.

26.is it cute when a boy/girlcalls you baby?

Nope. Please no. I’ve got otherpreferred terms.

29.what’s your favorite pastadish?

Cavatelli.

30.what color do you reallywant to dye your hair?

31.what’s your favorite eyecolor?

Hazel. But all the others areall wonderful as well. (Say yes to brown eyes too!)

32.talk about your favoritebag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

It is beat to hell. But hasbeen the most faithful. Has survived over 10+ years. It was the biggest bag Icould find in Elementary school. When all the other bags I’d gotten ripped orbroke, this one survived. Through flood and interstate travel. It’s been therethrough it all.

33.are you a morning person?

I’m not a real grouch in themorning. I won’t die if I don’t have a coffee. But I have trouble with alarmsand I prefer to be a night person.

34. what’s the weirdest placeyou’ve ever broken into?

I wouldn’t call it “broke into”so much as trespassed into an old mental asylum. That place was haunted I’mconvinced.

35.what are the shoes you’vehad for forever and wear with every single outfit?

Vanssss. The pair I woreforever I literally wore till I blew the sole out. Ooof. So I bought new vans 😊

37.tell us a story of somethingthat happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

I lived next to a grocery storeone year. My friends and I had a lot to drink and I ended up running one aroundin a shopping cart in their parking lot once.

38.do you have a favoritecoffee shop? describe it!

I don’t! I make most of my own coffee at homecause I’m cost-effective in my caffeine addiction!

39.who was the last person yougazed at the stars with?

Um. Kate? I think? It was a longtime ago.

40.what was your biggest fearas a kid? is it the same today?

This sounds weird. I was prettyscared of my dreams? They used to really creep me out and be pretty scary stuffand I had a really hard time cause I had a hard time figuring out if I wasawake or sleeping sometimes. It’s gotten way better now cause I figured out I’mgenerally a lucid dreamer and if something starts to make me nervous I canchange the dream or give myself a solution.

41.do you like buying CDs andrecords? what was the last one you bought?

I used to like it. Back when Iwas an early teen and had no actual money. Now I’m a plebe who just pays forstreaming privileges.

43.what are your favorite memesof the year so far

Um. I dunno? What even are thememes this year?

45.what’s the stupidest giftyou’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

Stupidest gift I’ve ever given?Uhhhhhhhh. I gave my old boss a mug that had the Morton’s salt girl saying “Don’tbe salty Bitch.” But Personally I found that was AMAZING. And She loved it.Stupidest gift I ever received was a walking talking crazy baby doll thing frommy grandma once. Even though she knew that was NOT my cup of tea. I took itback and got the money for it. Also, I’ve received a back scratcher. And someother useless things.

46.what are some of your worst habits?

Staying up way too late.Picking at the skin around my thumbnails. Forgetting one item in my car andhaving to walk all the way back down the street to get it.

48.tell us about your pets!

☹

50.are you in the minionhateclub or fanclub?

I’m in the “I don’t think aboutminions” club.

51.what’s one of the cutestthings someone has ever done for you?

I would give this person abunch of music I listen to. She burned a CD of all her favorite ones so we hadsomething to listen to in the car when we took a trip.

53.what’s some of your favoritealbum art?

Mayday Parade.

54.are you planning on gettingtattoos? which ones?

Yes. Not settled yet which iswhy I haven’t gotten more.

59.what do you do when you’resad?

Listen to music and drivearound the city mostly.

60.what are some things you dowhen you can’t sleep?

Read. Write. Draw. Music.Podcasts. If all of that fails, I usually lay down, eyes closed, and try toimagine in as vivid and exact detail what I’d like to be dreaming of. SometimesI feel like I fall into that dream.

62.who is the last person youtold a secret to?

Uhhhhhhh. I honestly don’t remember.If it’s a secret I don’t usually say anything?

64.what’s your favorite food?

Tacos. Hands down.

65.what’s your secret dream?

I have not yet discovered it.But I’m still searching.

66.three songs you wererecently obsessed with.

Filious, Louis III – All myfriends are richKhalid – My badUnlike Pluto – New Life, Who Dis?

67.three songs that remind youof the person who sends this one

I can’t say three songs. It’smostly soundtracks. I.E. The Last of Us.

68. three favourite old songs

Matchbox Twenty – 3AMParamore – The Whole Misery Business AlbumThriving Ivory – Hey Lady

69.three last songs youlistened to

KSHMR, Yves V, Krewella – No RegretsDaya – InsomniaAudien, Echosmith – Favorite Sound

70.worst possible time to gethorny:

Um. Um. The grocery store. Idk.

71.have you ever had a friendswith benefits?

Yep.

72.do you believe in soulmates?

Nope.

73.Is there anyone you woulddie for?

Yes.

74.whowas the last person youcried in front of?

I don’t really do the crying infront of thing often. I literally do not know. I’m like….thinking back to thelast five years. And just. Blank. I don’t cry often period. And when I do itsusually like….in the shower. No evidence.

75.do you give out secondchances too easily?

Yes and no. I think I give outchances to anyone who genuinely asks for them. Sometimes it bites. Sometimes itdoesn’t. That’s fine.

76.is it easier to forgive orforget?

Forgive. And it feels bettertoo.

77.is this year the best yearof your life?

NO.

78.do you have trust issues?

Another yes and no. I trustpeople. I just have an abundance of self-doubt that makes it hard to believesome things.

79.who/what was your last dreamabout?

Would you believe me if I toldyou I was monster hunting? Man IDK. They’re weird. My favorite lately has beengetting stuck in a Walmart inhabited by a cult of some kind and spending the wholedream trying to get out. Nuts.

80.wouldyou go back in time if you were given the chance?

Yeahsure. Everyone always talks about younger times like “WOW that whole time was amistake everyone was awful.” But I don’t really think that. I have some thingsI’d wanna do better.

There’s your answers!

[safitheartist]

A closer look at the circus freaks and Ben 10 (2017)'s pretty amazing world building. Also potential Kevin forshadowing?

Okay, stay with me here for a second because I have very shocking news to you guys. Season 2 of Ben 10 so far was really good.

No seriously, it feels like moa *actually* lead us on the entirety of season 1 and now they actually reached early SU level of subtle world building. It's insane.

For example, lets look at three characters all other incarnations of Ben 10 so far has been glossing over for the most part.

Acid Breath, Fright Wig and Thumbnail.

Because this time. They come with lore! And lore that leaves some pretty dark implications might I add.

So lets dig in guys, because there is a whole can of worms to devoure here.

Now lets have some context, the original circus freak trio were introduced to us as Zambozo's three henchmen in the original series and have been treated as a trio eversince, they never had much characterization out side of the fact that they are vilans and their only motivation seems to be money or other forms of profit.

Most of them time, if they aren't under somebody else's command Acid Breath seems to take the leader role.

The things interesting about them often were the fights they would have against Ben, due to their really unique powers. However, on the personality front there really wasn't much to work with.

Another thing to note is that they were introduced to us as adults.

Now the reboot, is taking a pretty different approach.

It's humanizing them.

First, we aren't even introduced to them alongside Zambozo, they don't even make a appearance in Zambozo's debut episode.

And they only get introduced as a trio after Fright Wig already made her first appearance where we learn that she apparently has encountered Ben on several occasions, that and later context lets me believe that the trio probably does their solo thing until Zambozo would need them. Luring them in with false promises.

It's also then that they establish that at least Fright Wig is significantly younger then her original incarnation. Something that striked me as odd and slightly insulting at the beginning but now, with the newly established context, makes a lot of sense really.

Now Acid Breath's and Thumbnail's introductions don't establish much other then their return as a trio unit.

It's not until season 2 that the big bombs regarding their characters are droped.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 HERE GUYS!!!!!

In a episode where Zambozo tricks people with a convoluted hypnothis scheme involving a fake voting campaign done as a distraction so the trio can rob a bank we get something I honestly never expected for these three. Genuine characterization.

We find out in a conversation Ben overhears between these three that Fright Wig is really into science, apparently aiming to get new equipment with her pay. Establishing her as the brains of the trio and most likely to take on the strategist role.

Acid Breath comments that he wants to get mouth water 'for the ladies'. Establishing him as a lot more inmature then his original self and the disgnated goofball of the group. However later interactions also imply he still is the one who is in the leader position...my guess is because he's the oldest and has been with Zambozo for the longest time. It's a pretty big depature from his OG self which always seemed to be the most bitter and no nonsense kind of person. And that has it's reason as the episode establishs later.

Thumbnail doesn't talk, as per usual, but we get a glimpse of his personality as he imagines himself having a spa day with his cut. Establishing him as a rather sensitive person who just wants to enjoy himself a bit. It's again, somewhat different from his original self which honestly never had any personality outside of being the brawls of the group.

This seems minor but it is a very effective way to establish them as people outside of their vilan live. And it also serves as something the other serieses again never did.

Establishing them as friends.

They take interest in eachother. Want to know the other's opinion. Have playful arguments that don't come off as threatening at all. Again. It's simplistic but very effective to make them seem more real. It even translates into their fight scenes. In OG Ben 10 and the sequels the trio, while established as a team, never actually acted as such (if I recall right). They always acted as three individuals who attack Ben and the others together but never actually as a team.

The reboot has them leaping off of Thumbnail, throw eachother around and attack as a actual team unit. Similar to a circus act (and the scenes have some very nice camera angles too might I add. The animation is still meh but they use a lot of techniques to conceal that fact and keep the action dynamic).

Now the thing to keep in mind here is that non of their established desires are expensive, Fright Wig's probably being the most expensive, and even then she seem to only want some new beakers. Ben even comments on it, saying he almost feels sorry for them.

We then find out that Zambozo never paid them before, only having promised he would do so at a later date. Clearly having no intentions to actually follow through with that. Which actually ties in very nicely in the overall narrative of the episode.

Ben then makes them realize that Zambozo is playing them, as Fourarms might I add, either implying Ben himself has diplomatic talents or that Fourarms' dna donator had them (Achi, once you read this, you are very welcome).

The trio react very differently to that realization. Thumbnail gets furious, realizing he will never get his spa day. Fright Wig seems to see Ben's point and points out how Zambozo doesn't seem to care about anything but his own gain.

Now Acid Breath....is something alright.

At first he seemed hesitant to abandoning Zambozo until Fright Wig points out that Zambozo doesn't care about them...which prompts a series of flashbacks that clue us in to some really dark aspects of their relationship.

We see a slightly younger Acid Breath, with hair and teeth. Remarking how he thinks he should go to the doctor as his teeth seem too be starting to rot while Zambozo is uncaring and not at all bothered as he is too busy admiring his profit...which Acid Breath probably colected for him. This repeats a few times with his condition worsening over a seemingly pretty short period of time. At first I thought his mutation was only kicking in now, but what is more likely is that using his powers is causing serious health problems for him. At first I was confused why he was so gullible in the first place and didn't just go to a doctor himself (maybe stealing some money to go to a check up) until his last line....

He remarks, as his hair and teeth are falling out,

"Seriously, I'm only 16!"

.........ouch.

Now that puts his situation into a completely different context doesn't it? Not only does that mean Zambozo was employing children without paying them (again Fright Wig is also younger and I think it's safe to assume that Thumbnail is as well) essentially exploiting them. He also failed one of them as he basically was destroying his body for him, probably scared and confused about the situation and searching for comfort from the only parental figure in his live at the time.

Now that's just fucking depressing. It's pretty fair to assume that Acid breath probably is 16-17 still in the series, going off of context clues and his overall behavior. I think Thumbnail is around the same age if not a bit younger and Fright Wig probably is the youngest, young enough to pose as Gwen's friend, so I peg her as anywhere between 12-15 (probably looks younger then she actually is). That's just speculation on my part based on their behavior around eachother though.

After the flashback Acid Breath decides that they should ditch the clown (thank fuck.) aluding to him being the unofficial leader of the group as it's his decision that is the final.

They sent Zambozo a angry message consisting of emojis (again, heavily implying that they are teens....look, the show isn't perfect okay.) followed by them sending a picture with a 'we quit' sign.

In the end we get teased that we didn't see the last of them. Clearly establishing them as a separate entity from Zambozo, most likely for good as we get a glimps of them enjoying themselves on a vacation somewhere. Showing them still as a close unit.

Now this. This is some very, very dense world building stuffed into one episode and conveyed with very little exposition really. We get the most important context clues via plot development and the little exposition there was felt quiet natural.

It raises a lot of questions. Like 'how did these three get into this situation?' 'Where are their parents?' 'Why is no one trying to help them?' And most importantly, 'What is the follow up to this going to be?'.

Like, think about it. The episode went out of it's way to separate them from Zambozo while also making them more relateable. They wouldn't do that if it's not important. So what narrative purpose does it have?

Now I have a theory what they might be going for here. You see. This entire set up feels familiar to a very iconic character we had in the original show.

A kid with powers who was mistreated and exploited due to them. Somebody who got on the wrong course more due to the nature of his environment rather then his own wrong doings.

Boom. Now isn't that a interesting concept?

Do I think they will make Kevin one of the circus freaks? Eh. No that would be a stretch. I mean sure, it could happen, but we first have to wait and see how they are changing his character.

Do I think they are at least on a thematic basis forshadowing Kevin's introduction? Yes. Absolutely. And there are other clues as well.

Vilgax, on two occasions, has been teaming up with other vilans. Animo and the weather bots. With Animo he almost immediately betrayed him, leading Animo to team up with Ben temporarily and...well that's a bit too much of a spoiler but lets just say.....something very interesting happens that also ties into the thems of Kevin's OG character. The weather bots again, go against Vilgax, leaving him saying 'never again' which probably is a joke since from a narrative stand point there is no way this will be his last team up. Rule of three anyone?

Moa has been exploring a lot of themes that they never got to explore in length in their original show. Stuff Alien Force then took a dump on mostly (I don't fucking care what you guys say. On a writing stand point Alien Force fucking sucked!) They have been putting a lot of emphasis on magic in their show, establishing it as a clear and unmistakeable aspect of their universe. However another aspect Alien Force screwed up was the concept of mutants until Omniverse retconed that again.

In OG it was heavily implied that Kevin's mutation caused people to discriminate againt him. Show casing him having clear abandonment issues and triggers. However they never went into detail with these concepts. Causing....Alien Force to assassinate that entire concept (again. Alien Force was the worst Ben 10 incarnation and you can fucking fight me!!!). So for them to actually forshadow Kevin and making his entire storyline a lot more significant makes a lot of sense.

Anyway. I am actually enjoying the show so far and am very curious as to where stuff is going there. I hope the circus freaks are getting even more development and maybe even a redemption, who knows? I also hope they are keeping the 'found family' vibe they have alive. I'm a sucker for that stuff.

[thelionshoarde]

the magnificent @sabraeal got me, :3 :3

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

It’s from an unfinished short story I wrote back in 2014: It was awful business working in the Lion’s Hoarde Inn. I think I just enjoyed the sound of it, (:

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

Some Nights, my first Teen Wolf fic. People really love pack mom!Stiles, apparently lol.

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

O PUREST ONE. It’s from a fanart I’m still chipping away at. Because: it made @superhappybubbleslove go WAAAAHHHHHH MY HEAAARRRRTT and I enjoy making wonderful people suffer! :D

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Things are about to get real lengthy, so...

@sabraeal, of course, is a dream come true, and is currently back at it with her long reviews, and BE STILL MY HEART. @superhappybubbleslove kicks ass every Saturday with her amazingness (and often is the only, or one of the only ones, to comment on a very particular thing that i really loved about a story or art, and i always fist pump whenever she does that hahaha)  @claudeng80 has given me some of my favorite comments, EVER, and I often have to take a day or more to process my emotions before I can actually respond coherently haha, I GET VERY EXCITED, OKAY. @hidetheremote is one of my most faithful and kind and generous commenters, I am always thrilled to receive them and she’s been showering me with encouragement since the beginning, so she has a VERY special place in my heart! I have a few commenters on my ot3 things that are incredibly kind, or people who have bookmarked/kudo’d almost all of them, and while I do not believe I know their tumblr handles, but I would sell my first born for you. :| special shout out to @vfordii and @stuffaeamade and @raediation who are always SO supportive of my obizenyuki feels hahaha! @youseimanami is a one woman cheer squad and AMAZING, so kind and so so sweet, and her comments always feel SO genuine, they just make my heart get all swelled up and fuzzy and warm, I love her! I know I’m forgetting people, but I LOVE YOU ALL, YOU ARE ALL MY FAVORITES D;

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I cycle through over time. There are a lot of older, long fics in other fandoms that I occasionally go back to when I need a pick-me up lol. Currently, there is I KID YOU NOT a south park kenny/kyle fic that I’m in love with and have read 2-3 times in the last couple months since I first read it and I WILL PROBABLY INDULGE AGAIN, SOON. (gold digger, IT IS AMAZING, OKAY)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I actually never figured out how to subscribe! 8D I have 86 bookmarks, but it should be more. I went through a year long period I think where I never signed into ao3 lol.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

MAGIC. In some form or another lol.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

163 user subscriptions, and 2604 bookmarks. (some nights has 1912 bookmarks all on its own, okay, teen wolf is a v v large ocean of a fandom haha)

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

N O P E, i have no shame filter 8D .....ok, wait, the a/b/o one because it’s omega!obi and i’ve been a tad leery of the response i may receive for how very, uh, not your usual obiyuki dynamic in bed i want to make it. >_>

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Hn, yes and yes and yes and yes. My big thing is: I want to learn how to finish lengthier things. I got into fandom to try and do that, and it’s my goal for this year, especially.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Rarepairs, I think! Even when I write popular ships I usually write them in the less popular fashion haha. But mostly, I just write whatever I want, which is often a myriad of different pairings!

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

13 stories on ffnet, and a few of those were also on my livejournal. I don’t have an exact number for livejournal, but it’s over 100. I’ve started moving some of those fics from my livejournal to ao3, now, so I’m up to 40. Only 23 of my ao3 stories aren’t also on livejournal  at this moment lol. And there are a couple of things on tumblr I haven’t moved onto ao3 yet.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

I am unwilling to go down that dark and dangerous path. :|

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I try and write down whatever jumps in my head, because I WILL forget things, otherwise. But I’ll spend days mulling over an idea, sometimes, before I am able to sit down and write it.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Back in eljay days I wrote stories with other people on occasion. Sometimes it was just writing comment fic back and forth at each other. Or writing different scenes in the same universe that went together. Nothing big.

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

I know I stumbled on ffnet myself, but I don’t remember for ao3. O: Pretty certain someone told me about it, but when I had livejournal I didn’t really use anything else.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

Hm, I’ve never been a widely popular anything, though I was lucky enough to have some excellent fans on eljay, who would jump fandoms with me just because they wanted to read my stuff. And folk who were incredibly kind and generous with their praise no matter how many random things I churned out haha. I’ve always been thrilled if there’s just ONE person who enjoyed a story I put out! I’m pretty easy to please!

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

My darlings!

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Anyone who writes is an inspiration to me. I see people putting up fic and publishing novels, and I go I WANT TO DO THAT, UGH. Because I’ve always been a writer, ever since I was teeny, and have never stopped wanting to do it. I’ve always been in love with words, and stories. (As I’m sure many others can relate: I used to get in trouble in elementary school because I would read as I walked, and it was EARLY elementary school, where you had to walk in lines with your class because they were afraid they were gonna lose you, and I could read while I walked because I would just follow whoever was in front of me to wherever we were going haha)

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

It’s 100% okay if you write something, and you’re really proud of it, and you go back later -- a week, a day, a month, two years, whatever -- and think: THIS IS THE WORST. That doesn’t ever really go away, because as creators we are constantly evolving and looking to improve, and often times something that is actually quite solid and gives many readers joy will be a thing that you facepalm over, later. Use that to keep writing, and try to remember that you are most definitely your own worst critic. At the end of the day, keep doing this thing because you love it. Your work IS worthy, even when you think it should be set on fire and scattered across the deepest ocean never to be seen again!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

A combo! Sometimes, especially for shorter things, I just get an idea, and sometimes I just think about it for a little while, and then I open a doc and I just go to town until it’s finished. Other times I start off by writing out the thoughts and building off of that, and sometimes I slip into actually writing it and then back to outlining. USUALLY I start writing a thing because I have a tiny spark of an idea, or a situation/concept I find interesting, and I have no idea where it’s going, and I just write to see what happens, and THEN I start plotting things out as I go, which can be one of the MOST frustrating ways to write a story. Anything big I’ve ever written (and I’ve written several drafts of several novels) starts out like this, where I have a random idea and I sit down and I write out whatever scenes crop up in my head, and then I start filling in the blanks, later. A lot of my longer fandom things also are like this. heading for a small disaster was me just sort of sitting around and thinking about an entirely different story, and then I had like, a half-formed idea for a single scene in my head, so I sat down and started writing chapter 1 to GET to that scene, coming up with stuff as I needed it, and by the time I hit the end of ch1 I was no where near my original idea, and had a bunch of other ideas, and THEN I started plotting things out.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

I’m sure I have! Though I haven’t posted fandom anything for a long time, so I don’t really remember. One comment I do recall was not a BAD comment, it was a comment about a bad thing I had done in neglecting to tag something, and then I got all defensive because I was younger and even more stupid than I am now, and I was an asshole, which I regret. ):

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action! Also, stationary scenes with multiple people that DOESN’T have action! Okay, ANY scene that has more than one person is tricky, though two people at least helps in pacing because it’s easier to intersperse dialogue, but you add one more person into a scene and I’m laying my head on my desk and CRYING. Transition scenes are also my bane, I have the hardest time figuring out how to move from point a to b. Basically: EVERYTHING IS DIFFICULT. That’s half the fun of writing something, though.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Too many, but I’m trying to focus on finishing up some longer things this year. Of course, despite that having been my resolution before the year even began, I have somehow found myself with two new longer fics than WHEN THE YEAR STARTED, ugh. disaster, magic!cowboy au, lyrias center, unicorn au, soulmate tattoo au, a second part to we can make our own way, the full version of back alley complete with smut and EMOTIONS, fight club au, ot3 modern day neighbors au, and all the christmas prompts I haven’t done yet, and I have like, two more chapters of picture perfect planned out that I just haven’t written yet, I AM HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME THINNING THE HERD, I 100% come up with more ideas than ever get written, as I’m sure most writers do haha.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

HAHAHA

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Nah, I almost never succeed at stuff like that, and I get pissy if I fail, so I’ve learned not to put myself into that position if I can, because it just hurts my writing. I just write when I want, or when I have time even if I don’t want.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Hopefully! Though posting old stuff to ao3 has made me aware that my vocabulary has actually suffered over time, and I’m hoping to fix that!

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

I don’t entirely love anything that I’ve written. There are aspects of many things that I love dearly, though none of it really wins out against another. I’ll say: three of my orig novels are probably closest to being no 1.

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

There was this one HP fic I wrote when I was like, 14?? I don’t know, but apparently I was VERY ANGRY, and wrote some really messed up stuff, and I wouldn’t mind being able to bury that shit haha. But truthfully -- I probably grew a lot from it, as embarrassing as it is to me, now. ...okay, there was a LOT of HP fic wherein I was in my DARK AND ANGSTY years, that, whew! I’m glad I’m not that person anymore haha.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Still writing, hopefully. :3

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

CRYING. Crying is very easy, and so is laying my head on my desk and despairing that I will ever figure out how to make things work.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

WORKING THROUGH THE TEARS. It is very easy to give up, and mope, much more difficult to grit your teeth and wrangle a story into submission.

33. Why do you write?

Because I love the power of words. It’s magic. A written story is essentially an illusion spell. You put the right words on the page in the correct order, and behold! An entire world, with living characters, is born within the mind of a reader. And a single, minute change to any one of those words may shift the whole thing. It’s a constantly evolving formula, and full of surprises, and if you are particularly lucky and diligent you might even be able to spin an entire tale that grips people, shakes them up and makes them believe in something impossible, something that YOU created, from nearly nothing. That kind of power is pretty damned addictive.

[poppy-gale]

Okay since I am an idiot, it took me quite some time to relocate the Ask option, which is now finally open again (why was it closed in the first place??). ANYWAY, @janimoon​ asked me aged ago to answer these questions, without further ado, have some information about my life that you do not care about! Ice Cream Asks (click it its a link) Strawberry: a language you wish you could speak? Any really... But Italian or French mostly. I suck at them, I understand parts of it, but I suck. I’d also really need a refresher on German, I used to speak it fluently but it died.   Peanut butter: favourite academic subject? HA good one! And a hard one... I think Gender & Crime or Cultural Criminology Black cherry: four words that describe you? Kind, Analytical, Silly, Courageous Mint: the most embarrassing thing you've ever done? EVER? God I do terribly embarrassing things on a daily. However could I pick... I’ll go for my horrid passing out drunk experience of last year. No one was harmed but my ego. Also no one witnessed, except my ego. So much vomit in my hair, uggggh. And the bedroom wall.... UGH. Don’t drink kids, you’ll regret it the next morning. Green tea: favourite flavours of ice cream? Lemon, straciatella, cookie dough and salted caramel! Get To Know Me (once again CLICK IT)

3. do you miss anyone? Plenty of people. I mostly miss a sense of purpose though. 5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? There are a few people who can! It’s a rare skill to have though, I am simultaneously a very upbeat, joyful and open person, but also very closed off? So if you can make me genuinely smile when I’m in a period where I’ve got the walls up, that means alot to me. 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? All the time love, some things are better left unsaid. Words heal but also destroy. 18. do you miss how things were a year ago? I do, it took me two months to stop mourning the seperation I felt after leaving university. 44. age you get mistaken for? (GODDAMNIT JANINE, RIGHT WHERE IT HURTS) Late teens, very early 20′s. I’m 27. 59. why i joined tumblr: Your persistent nagging <3 For Janine: - Cotton Candy; Praline; Blackberry; Cinnamon; Key Lime - 15; 17; 27; 31; 46; 52 Go for it, if you also feel like it!