#--made any choices that put my own or other people's well being and/or safety at risk

[ashtcnirwin]

🌻

[aces-and-angels]

URGENT PSA: DELETED GFMS UPDATE- PLEASE READ

the detective hat is screwed on tight gang- i just remembered that the wayback machine exists and have been able to gather some additional information regarding the deleted gfm campaigns for omar, raina, and iman:

all the info is under the cut

---

see the info on the site yourselves by using the following links:

iman: https://www.gofundme.com/f/jhcjrv-help-imans-family-find-safety omar: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-to-evacuate-from-the-genocide ran/raina: https://www.gofundme.com/f/displaced-gaza-family-seeks-help-after-war-destroys-lives

my hunch was correct: these campaigns were not formatted in the way gfm requires in order to stay operational. i detailed the common reasons why gfm's may be terminated in a response post to @rubashabansblog but i will include it again here:

ruba- i have figured out the following info from my own research. there are several issues that can result in a gfm being suspended. the biggest issue comes from how the actual campaign is written. the key is being transparent. that means everyone that is benefiting from the campaign must be listed out by name (there may be a rule about specifying any minors/kids' ages as well) + locations. the issue also may be linked to whoever is organizing these campaigns on behalf of these families. another part that needs to be addressed fully is who will be handling the money. essentially if at any point in the transfer of funds someone is responsible for holding the money raised, they need to be listed on the account plainly and on the actual donation page as well. example: person a is organizing this fundraiser on behalf of person b. the last issue i can think of from everything i've read involves keeping an accurate account of the family's expenses. meaning that you need to write down everything that you are spending the money on. since there's no way to print actual receipts- gfm is asking people to write everything down on their notes app with their phones. these notes count as "receipts" and the total amount must always equal the amount the person/people are trying to raise. example: say i am raising $10K to evacuate, but am planning on putting aside $3K for other future living expenses like rent -> all of that needs to be documented fully. basically- as long as goal amounts match up to your expense report- the campaign should be fine. i understand that some families may need to keep raising their goals in order to cover the cost of living before they are able to evacuate. if that is the case- each time they raise/decrease the goal- i believe they need to update their gfm page to address the new total costs for their fundraiser. please forward this information to the affected families when you get the chance 🖤 perhaps this new info can help them solve the problem on their end *edit: another problem i forgot to mention- the currencies must match between the fundraiser and the bank account it is linked to. this means that if the fundraiser is in euros-- the bank tied to the account must also be in a country that uses euros as their primary currency. a US-based bank account would not work if the fundraiser is in euros.

all three campaigns have the same characteristics: not enough info is being disclosed in the fundraisers. another common theme: they are all recently made (may 2024). the decision to evacuate is a painful choice for families to make as none of want to be displaced yet again- but the situation in gaza has prompted many families to make this decision in an attempt to save themselves + their loved ones. the issue is that many of those who are now choosing to make campaigns are not aware of the ins and outs of how to properly start a gfm (+ i'm most certain there are other factors at play as to why this keeps happening to families in desperate need of aid).

this is bound to happen again and again unless this information is being spread widely. which is why i am also asking for this:

please share this w/ anyone who is fluent in arabic that can translate this in its entirety (DO NOT TRY TO USE GOOGLE TRANSLATE). i have a lot of new followers from 🇵🇸, some of them with newly made gfm pages that may be at risk of being frozen if they do not correct the issues i've addressed above. this information is vital to ensuring they are able to continue fundraising.

i have seen campaigns launched in june formatted similarly to the three that have been abruptly terminated. obtaining a stable internet connection in gaza requires people to put themselves at greater risk as they travel to locations with a working signal. people have been brutally murdered by just trying to activate the e-sims being sent over. so it makes sense that these newer campaigns made by these families would not have all the necessary info required- as these guidelines may be difficult to obtain on their end/may be worded in a way they cannot understand (you try reading the terms and policies of gfm yourself and tell me how fast your brain shuts off- and you're doing so in the comfort of your own homes. imagine what it's like to do so while facing constant bombardment).

a mutual of mine has already tried to contact gfm on behalf of omar- and they have informed me of gfm's response to their question:

Omar has already contacted them and is apparently in contact with the team according to the person i chatted with. they cannot disclose to me *why* the fundraiser was terminated they said they are working with Omar to solve the issue. if the issue cannot be solved, the money will be refunded to everyone... ^ this "contact" is likely using the same chatbox the rest of us need to use in order to even speak to a representative at gfm one-on-one. a very annoying system, but unless someone has a direct line to gfm- it is our only option.

we need to mobilize right now and put pressure on gfm to give these families the time they need to rework their campaign pages.

through the wayback machine i was able to figure out the organizers for each campaign.

omar is the organizer for his own -> says he is located in vienna but that is in direct conflict w/ the location he says he is in under the fundraiser info (displaced in rafah). i'm unsure if he has a contact in vienna that is actually the one responsible for holding/transferring the money, but this information needs to get to them so they can try to fix the issue ASAP

the other two have beneficiaries listed, but there could be additional problems with how that whole thing is currently set up.

i still do not know the emails for raina/iman's gfm's (and the wayback machine doesn't let you see the contact info on the archived pages 😓) but- we can try to mobilize right now for omar. he is absolutely devastated and has lost hope that he will be able to recuperate the money he has already raised. this is not the time for the rest of us to lose faith in his cause.

for anyone interested in helping out- i have laid out all this information so you can question gfm directly. if you come in knowing your stuff, they may be more receptive in their responses than the first initial attempts. please contact me directly if you wish to email on omar's behalf so i can forward you his email linked to the gfm account.

tagging for more reach: @appsa @palms-upturned @malcriada

[ot3]

just more of me talking myself into circles about the election again since i got my ballot in the mail and i need to sit down and try and put my thoughts in order.

like ok no trump is not going to start rounding up lgbt people and put them into camps. categorically, logistically, that's not going to happen. it's ridiculous how many people are acting like the imaginary camps they could theoretically get put into is a treat to their wellbeing on par with the actual, already existing camps we have in this country for latino immigrants.

i think a lot of people are forgetting that we had 4 years of trump before and for the vast majority of americans life was more or less normal. the real problem the trump presidency has to offer is the gradual chipping away at hard won regulations that the dems seem to have no interest in reinstating once they're in office. yeah trump's presidency saw a lot of stripping back of food protections. but the massive listeria outbreaks currently happening are happening in Year Four of biden's presidency. I've done some cursory looking around and it doesn't seem like the dems have had much to offer in terms of protecting the basic health and safety of american citizens

covid is still ripping through the country and permanently disabling huge swathes of people, who have no choice but to infect others because our right to not be exposed to infectious diseases is trumped by the right of business owners to maintain a coercive workforce. not only that but state mask bans are going uncontested with federal action, denying people some of the only means of protection against covid they have access to. similarly, they're doing extremely little to grant federal protections to abortion and transition as individual states crack down further on that as well. remember how protecting roe v wade was one of this administrations most significant campaign promises? and like i mentioned earlier, putting brown people in prisons and camps has always been part of the dems policy but we're seeing truly staggering amounts of anti-immigration rhetoric that is borderline indistinguishable from what was considered hardline rightwing talking points for most of my life.

but ultimately. at the end of the day. even if the dems were perfect on literally everything else i would still be a single issue voter on genocide. that's the bottom line for me. it doesn't matter what other logistical or material concerns may be on the table, i can't bring myself to care about any of it when slaughter the likes of what we're seeing in palestine is occurring. even if i truly believed that the first action donald trump would be taking in office was bulldozing my house and making it illegal to be gay i still could not justify voting for kamala harris when her stance on israel remains as it is. i am willing to give up whatever concessions must be made in order to avoid consenting to genocide.

a lot of blue no matter who types have had the talking point that this mindset is just to instill in people like me a sense of moral superiority, who value our own perceived purity over any material reality. they say that this is not the time for trying to take the moral high ground. and i just don't understand that? for me my sense of morality is the baseline for all of my decision making. i'm not sure what criteria people are using to make their actions if right and wrong don't factor into this. why can we allow our politics to be separate from our morality? i just can't wrap my head around it.

not once have i ever told people not to vote for kamala harris and i'm not even saying that now either. ultimately everyones choice is their own. what i HAVE said and what i still stand by is that people need to at least be willing to pretend they wouldn't vote for her. the fairytale of pushing a candidate left once theyre in office is for children. the only leverage we have against our politicians is the means to deny them power, and in being unwilling to even threaten to use that leverage, regardless of whether or not you actually meant it, you have consented to the full suite of policies that comes with the administration. a vote for kamala harris is a vote for her stance on israel regardless of how personally torn up you feel about it.

a lot of people are quick to point out that there's not any chance of the situation in gaza improving under trump and that's absolutely not a point i have any interest in contesting. but what i do find interesting is that the people who are most vocally concerned about the integrity of the US political system don't seem to be of the opinion that successfully running a 'progressive' campaign with full untempered support for an ongoing genocide does anything to threaten this perceived integrity. having the only two viable candidates for president be actively genocidal is business as usual, but having the wrong person carrying out that genocide is the real threat to the fabric of our nation. Why?

obviously the answer is, whether or not anyone would admit to it, that they see arab lives as an acceptable bargaining chip in domestic issues. That's an Over There problem. Trump is an Over Here threat. Throughout my entire life, the overwhelming US sentiment towards arab nations and arab people is that they are at best disposable and at worst something that needs to be stamped out in order to Protect Freedom. there is no way for any severity of political turmoil in the middle east to reflect badly on the american people no matter what part we may have played in it because the presumption is that these conflicts just happen to spontaneously generate there as a result of whatever unfavorable characteristics Must be immutably present in the arab race if you're a conservative, and their culture if you're a progressive.

there isnt any takeaway here. it's horrible. it's all horrible. once, god willing, this all ends, i don't think im going to be able to look back and feel like i did anything to meaningfully help anyone. i dont even know what i Could do. but i do want to be able to look back on the actions i am taking now and be confident that i was not ever willing to give any ground to normalizing what we're currently seeing, even for a single moment.

[shima-draws]

Now that I've had time to Absorb mentally. Several things.

-Luffy going from overeating to swearing off eating entirely. Homie that CANNOT be good for you. And the fact that he's willing to not eat unless it's Sanji's food...that's so. INCREDIBLY significant. Bc it's been very clearly established how much Luffy LOVES food. His stomach is literally a black hole. Eating gives him strength and makes him happy. He enjoys food so much he steals it off other people's plates. He's so impatient when it comes to meals that he'll sneak into the kitchen to try and mooch before it's ready. And now he's refusing all that...for Sanji. He's going to sit there and starve himself, even though he doesn't like being hungry, even though food is one of the most important things to him, even though he has a CHOICE to eat and he CAN eat but he's not going to because it's not food Sanji made for him. The fact that food is such a central part of Luffy's character and who he is, and that we know he never does anything he doesn't want to do, it just makes me. GODDD. Why is he like this why are they like this I'm insane

-THE FACT THAT THEY LITERALLY DID THE MONTAGE OF ALL THEIR MEMORIES TOGETHER. JESUS CHRIST. That was a low blow. And also the gayest shit I've ever seen. Yeah let's just drive it in even further how important these two are to each other and how much it's tearing them both apart that Sanji's leaving by showing all their wonderful moments together. I was literally full on SOBBING at this point. Fucking RUDE smh

-Sanji being SO self sacrificial makes me want to cry I CANNOT with him rn,, It's to the point where he feels like he can't even rely on his nakama because he just wants to protect them. Like he could have easily told them what was going on. But he decided he'd chase them away, for their own safety, because Zeff's already in danger and Sanji can't risk losing his crew too. He couldn't bear to see any of them get hurt by the family that's been tormenting him for years. So he hurts HIMSELF by pushing them away. He loves them so so much that he's willing to cut ties with them completely and make them hate him so that they'll stay SAFE. GOD. Except Luffy sees right through that act bc he knows Sanji too well 😭 The fact that even Nami didn't realize that Sanji was just trying to protect them makes me so emo she really did think he'd been lying to them all along...GIRL have more faith in your nakama!!

-Luffy refusing to give up on Sanji, not ever, I'm going to explode, that is HIS nakama HIS cook and he won't stop until he can bring him home. BASHING my head against the wall

-Also I already talked about The Line in my last post but here I'll share my tags

I need to be put down I think I am so unwell rn

[mellohiizz]

im more complex about the episode then everyone else seems to be apparently. imo they all sucked this episode.

for one, i am actually a dean sympathizer. lets be real parrot and wifies both treated him badly. i wouldnt have told parrot either when he was there constantly repeating the exact same things ash said to blackmail dean; and wifies isnt much better for affirming the shit ash told dean either, infact i would argue wifies was even worse then about it. if i was there hearing "ash was right. youre a burden, but thats ok." and "ash was right. your a burden, we should be leaving you for dead." i wouldnt want to risk jeopardizing my one source of safety either.

before the reveal that dean was actually involved in the leaking of their location wifies just came of as a semi-controlling dick. there were a million better ways all of them could have done things this episode. i dont really like the wifies glazing as if he was perfect this episode and didnt treat a fellow victim who lodgically didnt have a choice like shit. wifies is smart enough to figure out dean didnt want to sell them out. imo he had no actual reason to reason to treat dean with as little empathy as he did, especially when wifies knows exactly what its like to have his existance used to get to parrot in the exact chain of events parrot referenced after the compass was burnt.

both sides of odessy were being hypocritical and hurtful as hell and thats been a theme of uu the whole time. theyre all flawed, they are make mistakes and are selfish and hurt others doing what they think is righteous or best or safest. uu is the dichotomy of perspective, about how everyone does what they think is best and how more often then not that best hurts atleast someone. and guess what? thats life. thats actually pretty normal, especially if youve been through your own shit or are traumatized like the characters of uu are.

they all suck and hurt people, thats the moral of the story. the moral that feels very lost on most of the fandom...

-🔍🏰(f:▶️🥊)

honestly, good take. kind of made me rethink some things that happened in the episode as well.

to be fair, yes, obviously dean was treated badly the whole episode. even i noted that wifies was a bit too harsh with how he approached things the whole video. he knew that dean was leaking information, didn't tell parrot, and still tried to put basically the whole blame of it on dean. "you could argue i hid it from you" yes, wifies, you did keep it from parrot, knowing that parrot would've tried to look for a different solution.

parrot was obviously not any better. he brushed off wifies despite the other very clearly showing signs of concern and he did also openly called dean a burden. which is, yes, he was slowing them down, but i feel like there was a nicer was to go about it.

and yes, i do sympathize with dean, but he did hide a piece of pretty crucial information from them, keeping a leverage in the compass, and then ran away after being confronted. it's fair, i'm not saying he was entirely wrong for that too, but i feel like it wouldn't be fair to say anyone was fully in right/wrong.

and yeah, you're are right, the morality of characters is a pretty obvious focus on the whole uu, and obviously all of them are very flawed. taking wifies's words, we just need to try and look at things from all of their perspectives. they're all understandable, and in some ways even reasonable, but there were much better ways to go about the whole situation, but the problem was exactly that. perspective. they were all focused on their individual goals and didn't try to see everything from the perspective of others. and that's what separated all of them.

[yandere-romanticaa]

Traveling around Liyue has been an experience which was beyond difficult to describe. The land was filled to the brim with various different kinds of areas to explore, food to try and people to talk to.

Your personal favorite became the endless sea of stories which the locals had, particularly about the adepti.

Many of them were some sort of protectors of certain areas, much like the one you were in. You listened carefully to the innkeeper as he told his tales in fables, each more mesmerizing than the previous one.

You didn't even notice the glowing eyes of the stranger in the crowd.

Emerald green eyes shined bright with curiosity as the hooded figure quietly sipped his tea. It's been a while since a foreigner stepped foot in his land, he thought to himself.

He wasn't quite sure how to feel about it.

But he knew all too well how to feel about the stories which graced his ears. It took everything in his power to not spit his drink out in a fit of laughter - these humans! They get more ridiculous and preposterous each time he sees them!

The foreigner was probably the same as well. However, it was most amusing to see that overly excited expression on their face. The hooded figure stroked their chin in deep thought as they pondered on how the foreigner might feel on hearing those thousand year old tales from the original source.

Soon enough, a plan was formed but he could not help but to cringe a little at its simplicity. He figured he could do better but perhaps sometimes, simple is the way to go.

Like a shadow he sneaked his way towards your table and slipped on a note on it, the handwriting neat and a bit odd looking. It took you a little while to notice the note and were very surprised to see it. You picked it up and it read as follows:

"Greetings.

You seem to have a keen interest in these magnificent stories. And what a coincidence, I too happen to share the same passion."

With a sharp turn of your head, you put the letter back on the table and saw the mysterious man hanging about in the corner. A polite smile graced his lips as he raised his cup in the air, a silent greeting and acknowledgment towards you.

NOTE! Your choices matter! The choice you pick will ultimately decide the fate of this story!

With your thoughts regained, you continue to read the letter. In the corner of your eye, you can see the man is staring at you but it is hard to notice any physical features other than his otherworldly eyes.

"I am an expert in telling stories such as these, therefore if one is interested I will be more than happy to share my own."

You raise an eyebrow and turn once more towards the man, but he chuckles and gestures back to the letter.

"You need not fret for your safety, if that is what causes your concern. Plenty of Milileth guards patrol the area, therefore, you are free to shout if you feel threatened by my presence."

You let out a little sigh. For what it was worth, the man at least was aware of how odd the situation was. Curiosity filled your being as you continued on reading:

"Meet me at the top of that southwest mountain which is close to the inn around midnight.

I shall wait for you there."

As you finished reading, you placed down the parchment of paper back on the wooden table. You hoped to speak to the stranger face to face but as you turned in their direction, they were gone.

Whisked by the wind as some people liked to say.

With nothing else to do - while being thoroughly intrigued - you packed your bag and made your way towards the counter to pay. The worker stopped you, explaining that your meal was already paid upfront by a kind gentleman.

Huh, how sweet.

With a heavy bag and the fire of exploring carrying your legs, you set off towards the set meeting point. There were three main ways to go but were unsure which one to take.

(A/N - I need to make a separate post if I want to continue this as I want it to, oopsie)

[ivy-loves-chocolate]

Hi! Can I get uhhhhhh- a yandere Albert Wesker with a shy reader? Please and thank you!

Sure anon!! I hope you like it. 

Wesker would probably prefer this type of reader because it will be easier to get under their skin. He knows how to approach someone shy, and he'll do it by acting like a nice guy, meaning that he will compliment you a lot and be constantly around you as reassurance. It's worth saying that his job would be a lot simpler since he gets to be around you all the time, and you won't mind because you actually enjoy his presence as he gives you comfort and a much needed feeling of safety.

When you get self-conscious about yourself, he'll be right behind you to cheer you up and support you. When you are too shy to enter a room full of people, he will offer to enter first, and since he is tall, you agree as no one will notice you.

You'll benefit a lot from his constant presence, and you won't feel his obsessive behavior at all. In fact, you’ll be grateful to find him at every corner.

You will find it weird when he knows some things about you that you haven’t told him yet. However, you'll get over it because it only happens on rare occasions and when Wesker is as excited as he is around you.

I’ll go in two different directions here, you choose. 

A tame one: 

Let’s say that you don’t get freaked out at some point, and your relationship grows into something more.

After expressing your disbelief regarding your own skills as a scientist, Wesker would drop everything and come to assist you. He’d hug you, and even place small kisses all over your face. You find these gestures reassuring.

"What if I don't live up to the standards." You began to speak in a shaky voice as you were on the verge of crying.

"No, no, sweetheart, you’re amazing, really! Sometimes you amaze me as well."

"That’s a lie, you say that to make me feel better."

"C’mon, look at me," he’d grab your chin to make you look at him. "You are amazing, and I say this with my whole heart." His hands would then cup your face, and his fingers would caress your cheeks. Feeling his warm hands on your face makes you feel safe, and you close your eyes, allowing his sweet words to overtake you.

"And I will never say hurtful things to you. I care about you. I will always take care of you."

His grip tightened a little, but you didn’t notice as he managed to calm you.

"Always."

His mission ends once he has successfully gotten under your skin and made you completely dependent on him.

An angsty one: 

Let’s say you figured something was wrong because he seemed to be your only best friend and people you knew suddenly disappeared from your circle or stopped talking with you.

The presence that once soothed you is now making you very uncomfortable.

You try to put some distance between the two of you, but it’s useless, as it seems that he’s getting closer and closer to you, to the point where he’s suffocating.

"Was he always like this?" You began to ask yourself as paranoia invaded your brain.

At some point, you started to feel like you were being followed, so you did the right thing and asked for a transfer. It gets approved, but you don’t make it to the airport. Instead, you’re being drugged, and you wake up in a strange place. After wandering around for a while, you realize it’s Wesker’s house.

"But it can’t be, I haven’t talked with him in months." Well, too bad, he knew every detail of your life, even if he appeared distant.

The place is nice, but it’s isolated. There are no phones, no TVs, and no radios.

You’ll be 100% convinced that he’s insane when he tries to justify his actions. He’ll say that he needs you, and that you need him too. He’d say that he was a good influence in your life and that the others don’t know how to threaten you properly. He also keeps repeating the word "forever."

"You will forever be mine"; "We will be together forever."; "Your place is to stay forever next to me." 

You will eventually learn to love him. You don't have any other choice. 

taglist: @shadow-wolf510 @cassie-todd @ravenrune

[mithliya]

Hi! Do you think you could explain how gender critical people can support body autonomy in cases like abortion but not transition? I know you believe that medical transition doesn't change someone's gender. But under the ideals of body autonomy, would you support a woman taking T if she still called herself a woman instead of a calling herself a trans man?

And in general, I know radfems are anti-plastic surgery, but wouldn't that too fall under one's body autonomy?

I'm just trying to figure out radfem and gc ideas but I'm running into some inconsistencies.

honestly i was a bit baffled by this ask and couldn't help but feel like its bait bc ... how is cosmetic surgery that is harming your body, incredibly expensive, and done as a result of self-hatred the same as not wanting to carry a baby & go thru the risks of pregnancy for 9 months? to me these are such blatantly, fundamentally different things. but let me assume this isn't bait and you're asking in good faith and address your points.

I know you believe that medical transition doesn't change someone's gender.

this shows a complete lack of understanding on what beliefs i even hold. i don't think medical transition "doesn't change someone's gender" i know it doesn't change a person's *SEX*. this difference is very crucial. gender = gender roles, gendered expectations, etc. it is a social construct. it has nothing to do with anything medical nor biological, its a social contruct that varies across time and cultures.

But under the ideals of body autonomy, would you support a woman taking T if she still called herself a woman instead of a calling herself a trans man?

why would i support the act of taking synthetic hormones which are actively harming your health just as long as you Identify a certain way? it doesn't matter to me what you call yourself. i'm critical of medical transition because it is costly, harmful, and rooted in questionable beliefs. i'm critical of how readily it is promoted. i am critical of how profitable it is to pharmaceutical and medical industries. i am critical of how little research is being put into ensuring the safety of it as well as research into other methods of dealing with sex dysphoria. whether you call yourself a man or a woman is the least of my concerns.

you use the term bodily autonomy, but you seem to be under the belief that bodily autonomy = a person gets to do whatever they want with their body and their choices are always above any criticism or analysis and it does not matter how much their choices are harming them or others. by that logic, if you don't support an anorexic woman starving herself or getting a liposuction, you are against her bodily autonomy because you are not allowing her full agency over her body. by that logic, if a woman tells you she wants to get a BBL or have implants put in, you need to validate and encourage that choice because to question harming your body is to oppose bodily autonomy. but that is not what bodily autonomy is. here is a definition:

Body autonomy is defined as the ability of one person to demonstrate power and agency over choices concerning their own bodies. These choices must be made without fear, threat, violence or coercion from others.

Body autonomy allows individuals the freedom to make their own choices about their bodies. This is significant to a person’s health and wellbeing.

now, if there is a group of people being told that they need to transition ASAP and being told constantly that without transition they will kill themselves, is that or is that not going to instill fear? because if i was told that i need to take an action as early as possible, lest my life be miserable and doomed, then im going to want to urgently take such an action out of fear. if parents are being told "do you prefer to have a dead daughter or a living son?" or w/e, is that not coercion and threats?

moreover, we know taking synthetic hormones for cosmetic purposes can be extremely harmful for one's health. women with high levels of testosterone naturally suffer from a lot of health consequences as a result, nevermind people who alter their body's hormones. this is fundamentally different from a woman choosing to get an abortion because a pregnancy is costly, risky, has health consequences, and will impact her entire life for at least the next 18 years of her life.

that said, i'm not blaming people who do pursue cosmetic procedures or artificial hormones and i'm not against them. i am against the industries promoting this and making it difficult to even have a conversation on this, even pushing against research that does not benefit their financial interests. i am against the promotion of cosmetic surgery as necessary, healthy, and somehow healthcare. i think that there NEEDS to be more research into medical transition, the impacts it has on health, its usefulness and helpfulness, and alternative treatments. the lack of such research and the lack of constructive conversation on this topic is where my concerns lie. not with identity politics like what someone calls themselves while harming their bodies.

so ultimately, i'm not understanding what you think is an inconsistency here. questioning profitable industries and cosmetic surgery which are modern inventions rooted in amplifying people's, namely women's, insecurities for the sake of profit is not at all the same as an abortion and it's worrying to me that you don't see the difference. providing blind affirmation to every choice an individual makes is not bodily autonomy, its individualism and liberalism to another degree. bodily autonomy is allowing individuals the right to make informed, healthy, decisions for themselves. a woman deciding she does not want to go through 9 months of pregnancy and 18 years of child-rearing is not the same as a woman deciding she hates her body and thus MUST get a boob job (which ultimately harms this person's health rather than helping), or someone deciding they hate their sex and thus MUST get surgeries to pass for a different sex (which also ultimately negatively impacts the person's health, even if it provides some psychological relief which potentially could've been gained via a different approach like therapy).

[darling-answers]

I BEG YOU Ana Amari with a injured reader, maybe she sick or dying of a illness idk just make it angst, I saw that talk about wanting more Ana Amari fanfic so idk I feel like letting people suffer and cry.

“ oh Gibraltar were had the time gone?”

This will be pre-fall I would like to say when Overwatch was still in best working order, just right after the omnic crisis

Warning! There may be inaccurate deceive of AML, I have done my best at researching the topic but doesn’t me my accuracy on knowing aml is good because I have never experienced before. Ana may be a little off topic because no matter what, you should always respect the choice of someone body. Death! Is implied and mention. this isn’t a happy ending. Blood! Is mentioned, noise and mouth bleeding Mentions, Oppression and violence. There also mention of symptoms of cancer effects with chemotherapy, chemotherapy is mentioned multiple times. Fainting is mentioned

Thank you for all who reads my stories and showed there support i appreciate it greatly

REQUEST ARE OPEN I WRITE FOR VENTURE TOO SO SEND THEM SOME LOVE.

The warning signs were there but you couldn’t expect it to get this bad? how could anyone know how bad it gotten when it just happened. Being a overwatch agent and putting civilians as your top priority before your own health problems wasn’t uncommon. It comes with you being a soldier and wanting to do what right. Sticking up for the weak even if it comes with your own life. So why must this situation be different.

The First warning sign happen when you were out on a mission to help civilians who may have been lost or trapped under the rubble, it was going according to plan, nothing seem out of the ordinary until the next thing you had known was blood was coming from your nostrils and mouth. Wiping it off on your sleeve painting it with fresh blood made it easy to forget about, it could happen to anyone so why must your situation be different, there still civilians need help, so pick yourself up soldier and help the others, You tell yourself over and over again.

Helping civilians get to safety and back to there family had made you smile, but the comfort of the ship that would be leading you back to your home and the people you call family is just a different feeling. When sitting down in your designated seat, Reinhardt was right infront of you, talking (yelling.) about how well his mission did, talking about the tiny children who he got to flex his arms to. Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes carried on their conversation about the on going crisis in the rest of the world, torbjorn talked about his family showing Reinhardt picture of his newly born daughter Brigitte but always the mother hen Ana had taken notice of the blood.

“ habibati, where did such blood come from? Had there been anyone seriously injured? On the catalog I did not seen any reports of very serious injuries?” She mumbles setting her sniper down, the way the sniper aim was up relaxing in the wall of the aircraft, safety was on and the eye of the pistol was up. She leans over to grab the coat of your overwatch outfit and taken a look of the sleeve.

“ I’m fine Ana, I promise, there is nothing to worry about just some blood no need to fuss.” She gave you a serious look Almost crinkling her brows. “ you tell me if anything is wrong. Alright? I want you to be alright.” She looks serious pointing a finger before she lets go from the topic when she felt satisfied.

The Second warning came when in training with Cassidy, you felt you’re whole body zap out of energy, the room was so dizzy and fussy, your brain felt slow and sluggish, you’re arms and legs felt like a ice about to melt into a puddle. Your body gave up and slammed itself to the ground. Waking up in the infirmary with Angela Ziegler talking about your body and health, noticing the way your body seems to be weaker than before. You lost incredible amount of weight which for a normal person would feel happy about it, the weight your body was dropping was to dangerous to not start trying to figure out what was wrong with you.

“ i thought you would’ve told me if something was wrong. The fact you tried hiding it makes me think it might be time i took over your position and put you’re mission on hold until i feel everything is better.” Ana mumbled kissing your forehead as she gently placed her hand on the top of your head.

Angela returned with a chart, writing your vitals and simple questions she have asked you such as, how long have these symptoms been going on, how severe have these conditions been. She clicked her pin shut as she looked up from her notes. “ if you don’t mind I would like to request and recommend we run a few test on you. I’m thinking running a Blood test on you, we will be analyzing it using a microscopic evaluation of the blood, or by using flow cytometry to try and figure. This will all be done if we get your consent so would you mind if we do this?” Angela tilt her head at the last part as she hears the exact words she needs to hear to start preparing for the blood samples.

After gathering the blood sample, she sends you and Ana on your way as she tells you the test results will need 2-3 weeks to be able to fully confirm the diagnosis. Ana made sure throughout the week to make sure that you would rest and not strain your already fragile condition. Every night Ana would lay in bed making sure her arms were around your body and start whispering stuff in Arabic. More symptoms started popping up which caused Ana to get worried even worse than before. Bruising would form out of nowhere not even you could remember how you got those bruises, night sweats became one of the worse causing the lack of sleep, hot flashes and the urge to not eat anything were evidence that something definitely wasn’t right.

“ Oh, how I know it hurts habibati, let’s try and get some rest.” She would mumbles as she made sure the bed only have loose sheets. The way you could barely hold down anything or even get out of bed made her concerns grow even worse. Sometimes you would wake up with her right besides you and other times you were alone in bed. Days and nights started to blur in your memory as you laid in bed, not being able to fully move or walk without assistance.

“ we have gotten the test results back and it might be best. If you sit down ana this is difficult for both of you.” Angela pulled up a chair and sat down in a chair crossing her legs as she looks over at Ana then comes back to you. “ after throughly examining the changes in you’re body we have confirm the diagnosis of you have a form of leukemia that is very hard to treat. It is called Acute myelogenous leukemia. It a common aggressive form of leukemia that affects your bone marrow and blood.”

The face of exhaustion from you and the horror of Ana Face was like no other, how long had it been since you see Ana so hopeless..? This isn’t what you wanted to see.

“ There is good news and bad news, we may be able to start treatment to help fight off the leukemia but with the illness being around the bone marrow most medicines may not be able to reach the place the leukemia is resting, it may be long and hard but you have some chance of survival if you would like to start that I can get it prepared.”

“ What are the chances of me surviving..? I don’t want to live my life in fear that this illness will come back, I don’t want the exhaustion and agonizing treatments, I don’t want to be stuck in a hospital wasting away the only time I get pure entertainment is if someone come visit me. Please Ana, i’m scared and I don’t want to leave you alone but I don’t want to deal with this heartache.” She clutched her wife hand as she leans over weakly giving a kiss to her wife forehead as she comes to rest her sweaty face on that of her wife.

“ I have seen a lot of people survive AML and I also scene some who not, a man in December survive the AML with a few rounds of chemo and some rehabilitation and now he living his life with a wife and few kids. I’ve also scene some people not wish to fight this agonizing battle. So why I might not suggest not taking treatments I will accept whatever you would like us to do.”

Angela Zeigler nodded her head towards you before looking at Ana, Ana somberly looked at the hands which were neatly folded in her. The struggle to make the choice or even express agreement or disagreement weigh ever on her shoulders. “ if you would not like to start chemo and pass away in your home with me and our family by your side I will respect your wishes. I’m so sorry you were even given these choices.” Ana closed her eyes and cried in her hands chocking out her answers as she leans to rest her head on your shoulder.

“ don’t cry Ana, this battle has been long and hard, I was given a purpose on earth and that was to protect the people around me, I made my choice and now I may be rest in the peace of the afterlife knowing I have saved lives. You have to be strong for Pharah and Overwatch.”

The weakly smiles that adores both you and Ana face made it way to accept the idea more easily. The decision to not go and do chemo was not selfish in the eyes of Ana, she knew of the effects of chemo, Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, Hair loss, Skin dryness and rashes the effects almost seem limitless.

“ so if I’m to confirm You ( state your name.) are refusing to take chemotherapy, which may have help you live a few years longer. You understand the negative side effects that may come with this. You may also always come back to wanting to do chemotherapy but the more you wait the more will not be likely to have the cancer be eradicated.”

Ana looked over and nodded at you, “ I will accept whatever you say or think. Please speak what you need to.” Ana looked into your eyes. “ I accept to refusing treatment for chemotherapy and know the harms and risk that may come and the outcome.” The weakly sound of coughing finishing off the statement.

“ alright, I will notify strike commander to take you off of all mission briefs and when you are ready please notify whoever you would like about what the future is going forward.” Mercy nodded politely leaving you and Ana alone in the room. Ana looked over at you, brushing your cheekbone as the weak sound of raspy breath came in and out. “ Thank you for letting me have a choice, I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure the outcome would be the same.”

Ana nodded to your words helping you settle in bed. She weakly clutches the clothing near her heart as she looks at you. She tried to take a deep breath as to not let the tears follow but it getting harder looking at your weak state. She started walking towards the door to give you room only to be stopped by the croak of a voice. “ Ana…” Ana turned around and looked at you walking over and kneeling down near your bed side.

“ I love you and Pharah so much.” You mumbles as Ana whisper some words of praise before getting up and leaving the room. Days become even more of a blur as your visited by most of Overwatch agents besides a few. Even Moira O’Deorain made her presence known as she commands great respect and recognition for how you saved lives and great combat skills.

The day came, one year and a day after you first got the symptoms of something wrong that you passed peacefully by your besides, laying beside you was Ana who was on your left. Pharah who birthday just came a few weeks ago making her 10 and one of your best friends who also supported you think through thin, Reinhardt. A day that would’ve been sad wasn’t sad, they knew you would of beat there ass if you found out they weren’t lighting up the party with some shots as you’re lowered into your casket. Your funeral which played one of your favorite songs, “Dreaming of you” by Selena Quintanilla was a mother and daughter dance for ana and pharah.

You were given a gravesite with the soldiers who had fallen in the war adored with flowers and so much love and care from military units all across the world. Some left Quarters, some left penny, dimes and nickels. You were known around the world and a statue as a memorial in your home town was placed to honor the dedication you had to fighting for what right and standing up for communities who may have been oppressed.

As time gone on and the state of Overwatch went into shambles Winston recalled woke up a different side in Overwatch agents, instead of doing stuff how Jack Morrison would do, the Overwatch hero’s knew who to look up to in the end.

Pharah looking up into the sky hoping that maybe she would see you there looking down and protecting her.

[therainbowwillow]

I am not by any means someone who has a large platform on the internet, but seeing as my most popular post of all time, seen by tens of thousands of people, was on hbomberguy's Plagiarism and You(Tube), I would like to publicly get my thoughts straight on what has happened since.

I've seen a lot of discussion about who is to blame for James' recent mental health crisis and I would like to firmly state that hbomberguy (and Kat, his producer), others who made good faith videos on the situation (The Ace Couple, Jessie Gender, Todd in the Shadows), and people who commented on the situation in good faith are not to blame in the slightest. At the same time, I understand that the sudden loss of support, friends, and a career undoubtedly harmed James Somerton and that it is upsetting to me to see anyone put in that position, regardless of their actions. I believe that hbomberguy used his platform responsibly. From the beginning, I noticed that he was making clear, intentional choices regarding his treatment of the situation, including framing Nick as a possible victim rather than an accomplice to the plagiarism, reminding his audience not to harass James Somerton, and refusing to stoop to personal attacks in his video. Having seen hbomberguy's professional handling of the situation, I believe that he is a person who has a good understanding of the sway he has online and how to use that power delicately. I'm sure a choice was made weighing the benefit of speaking out against the possible harm and I believe that hbomberguy & crew made the correct decision. The same goes for The Ace Couple, Jessie Gender, and Todd in the Shadows. I think it is a creator's duty to understand that regardless of how professionally they treat a situation, there are bound to be some bad actors in their audience who will attempt to harass others in their name. It seems to me that all of these creators understood that and made an educated decision to speak out publicly. Had they kept quiet, harm would have continued to be done to the authors and artists who had their work stolen and monetized by someone who did not fairly compensate them (or even acknowledge their existence). With this in mind, I do believe that it is important to have empathy for James as well. I understand feeling hurt, betrayed, and skeptical of the legitimacy of everything he says from this point on, knowing what we know now about how he built his career. I have those feelings myself. They are valid. However, there is no situation in which people should be publicly speculating on the legitimacy of his mental health struggles or celebrating his suffering. I do believe that James knew what he was doing, I believe he knew that he was causing some harm (to what extent he understood that, no one but James can say), and I do believe that it was wrong. At this point, the community does as well. I think the best thing for him would've been to step away from the internet, but at the same time, I understand why he did not. He went from being a fairly popular online queer voice to one of the community's most hated content creators. I imagine there was some whiplash and confusion and that it must've been upsetting and scary. James did not make the right decision in trying to come back and that poor choice was his own, but at the same time, I don't think there's much use in rehashing that to him in the comments of his apology or on Twitter.

I don't think it would've been any better to let his actions fade to complete obscurity, but I also believe that trying to hold him immediately accountable was doomed from the start. If there was a path forward as a content creator, James strayed far from it. Regardless, I think the moral thing to do right now is to treat him with grace and not speculate about his honesty or intentions online. I hesitate to invalidate people's concerns, but regardless, they don't belong in the public sphere at this moment.

Ultimately, I wish James the best. I hope he finds safety, comfort, and happiness going forwards. I also wish hbomberguy & team as well as all the other creators and audience members who spoke to their experiences in good faith all the best. These people are not to blame for James' mental health struggles. If we mean to reduce as much harm as possible, I think the ideal path forwards is show empathy for everyone involved and lay the idea of blame to rest.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Love Kai, but Hari needs some love too…

Sooo, Kai’s always busy so he sends Hari to take care and be with Angel. But what if arrowhead falls in love with her? And she also starts liking him back… since you know, her actual partner barely spends time with her. It’s kinda angsty but a fluffy end would be nice.

This has been on my head lately and since you’re one of my favorite authors in here, I gathered the courage to finally send in the ask. Feel free to ignore this request. Love your writing and take care! 💕

"I want you to be responsible for her safety Chronostasis." The dark haired male muttered while reading a few papers that were spread on his desk while the other one furrowed his eyebrows beneath his mask.

"Of course, but why exactly?" Aren't you her partner? He wanted to imply, but decided against it due to his better judgment.

"Being someone close to a yakuza member puts a lot of targets on their back, you should know that by now." He replied without any emotion on his face.

"I do understand that sir. Although as a friend speaking I think you should-"

"Just do what I say Chronostasis." He growled without sparing him a eye, leaving the white haired man to sigh in hopeless and leave the room with a yes sir.

.

.

Chrono has been keeping an eye on Overhaul's partner for about two months... and he swore he never saw a woman with so much loneliness and sadness on her eyes... yet, she carried such a beautiful smile when it came to the normal citizens and children or people she seemed to care about.

He was surprised that Kai was in a relationship with her to be honest... she seemed so out of his league.

One day, he accidentally eavesdrop that Overhayl had canceled one of their dates once again.. it was honestly heartbreaking to hear her sad sigh but soon recover with a fake small skile saying it was okay....

For some reason, he couldn't take this any longer... so he asked his boss to make her company asides from just protecting her from afar like a shadow.

Overhaul had allowed. Without much care.

"Excuse me? Ma'am?" He reunited forces to aproach her on the halls, observing how she flinched but soon looked at his masked face with wonder on why one of the subordinates was talking to her... without getting killed.

"Y-Yeah?"

"I'm sorry overhaul canceled plans with you. But I was wondering, if you want, I could take you to this place you were talking about." He scratched a bit the back of his head at seeing your shocked expression "I swear I'm not a stalker, I'm just a... close worker of your partner. So I happened to over hear it. I apologize if it perstubs you."

"Oh.. not at all!" You smiled, and he had to ignore how it made him smile too "I was hoping I could go there with anyone to be honest... but I don't have much friends and... he seems kinda busy these days" You laughed it off your sadness as usual.

"I'm going to take you there. Don't worry about the money as well. I'm sure it won't make us go more bankrupt as always anyway."

The laugh that left your lips almost felt surreal. He never heard you laugh like that before on those last few months.

.

.

"Can I ask something Chrono?"

"Well, you already did." He mumbled while sitting in front of you on the small outdoor café you had chosen this time. He had been taking you out for a while now.

You snorted at his comment before stirring up your drink with a straw with a feature of wonder.

"Were you the one watching me for these last few months?"

He choked on his own spit. Almost coughing before he reluctantly asked why you were asking this.

" I know I sound stupid sometimes, but I am not." You giggled with sadness "I noticed eyes on me... I was starting to think I was crazy for a second until I notice you with this weird mask watching from a corner some day.. immediately I knew it was one of the hassaikai. You guys seem to like these plague masks a lot."

"Actually no." He laughed it off his embarrassment "we actually hate it. But is Overhaul's choice so we mostly shut up and be quiet about it."

"Ah, it had to be him." You spoke with a smile "But you aren't exactly working right now so... can't you just.. take it off? Is like super hot today." You gesture with your hand at your own face while he scoffed.

"Kai would have my head if he knew this."

"I won't tell. Besides," You leaned on the table "I'm actually curious."

"Nothing fancy about my face but oh well-" He spoke before taking off his mask with a relieved sigh "It is hot, God damn..."

"Hmm..." You tilted your head a bit to the side before smirking "not bad."

"Oh shut up you." He chuckled, his red cheeks totally exposed now.

.

.

After months, you two had become close. Closer than what a bodyguard should be.. but he just can't help it. You had this personality that didn't fail it once to make him smile or worry when you would wear that sad expression.

He would feel guilty about his upcoming crush on you often... very often.

But sometimes... he swore he wanted to beat the shit out of chisaki every single time he found you crying after just a simply conversation with thr male in question that surely didn't even last 15 minutes.

"Am I that clingy? Just as he says?" You spoke between sniffles, watching with a sad expression the outside as he scoffed.

"No. You just want what anyone wants on a relationship... he is just..." he hissed a bit at daring to put more wood into the fire "A bit difficult."

"Just a bit..?" You muttered and he swore he felt his heart completely shatter.

In one second he was at your side and wiping away your tears as you yelped at how close he was so suddenly.

"You're not clingy... In fact, if it means something, I do enjoy your company the most. I actually l..-" he swallowed the words before he made something he possibly would regret "I think you're great. Don't let a minor fight affect your self estem that easily.."

You nodded in awe... never your own boyfriend did that. Made you feel better about some insecurity of yours..

In fact... now thinking about it, Kai never made you feel so at home like... Kurono did.

Oh no.

.

.

.

Months have passed and one day he catched you and Overhaul talking. For a very long time to be exactly.

You left with a more at ease expression quickly greeting him before leaving the house. He arched an eyebrow before he noticed how Chisaki was frozen in place but had still his usual neutral expression on.

Something had happened...

.

.

The break up was, by surprise of many, very calm and with no tantrums come from both parts of you nor Chisaki. Although you did visited the hassaikai still due to how Pops actually liked you... and Kurono.

It didn't take long for Chrono to finally open up about the issue. He was actually afraid of the out come... but he had to be honest with his friend.

"I don't care. She is single now, isn't she?" He muttered after a very tense talk about if he could or not invite you to dinner.

"You're sure about that? It won't bring-"

"Just get out." The dark male hissed, and for the first time Chrono just ignored the threat on his voice and went after you with hope you could accept his offer.

.

.

"We could go to the theme park!" You yelped in joy as he chuckled while shaking his head.

"The last time we went on one of those you were complaining about how your feet hurt. You sure about that?"

You nodded with pout while walking alongside him. His girlfriend of now five months.

"The last time it was because of my stupid decision of wearing those heels... seriously what went through my head to do that?" You whined out loud as he laughed.

It was good until you both bumped into someone...

"Hey Kai." Chrono spoke a bit in worry as you looked up to see the face of your ex.

"Hello Chisaki. How have you been?" You asked politely while the man in question just looked at you both with irritation before sighing.

"Good." He spoke before storming out of the hall, leaving you both to just shrug your shoulders and go on about your day as usual.

.

.

He closed the door before finally sitting down on the bed with the heaviest sigh he could muster. His hands rubbed his face continuously to get rid of the burning sensation he was feeling behind his eyes as he exhaled and inhaled in hopes to calm his beating heart.

After a few minutes he took a deep breath once again before taking a small red velvet box from the cabinet before laying down on the bed... staring at the ring on it with disgust... even though the small tear that left his right eye said otherwise.

"Now what the hell am I suppose to do with this?" Kai muttered in the loneliness of his room.. knowing damn well how you were much happier with the man that treated you better than he did.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

Hello! After a holiday hiatus, I am returning to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. We will be ringing in the new year with Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. That fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995)

Today I will be writing about 

Bent (1997) dir. Sean Mathias

[Run Time- 1:45, Available: tubi, for rent, Lang: Eng]

Content Warning: Holocaust, torture, murder, suicide, references to necrophilia

Summary: Max is gay and as such is sent to Dachau concentration camp under the Nazi regime. He tries to deny he is gay, and gets a yellow label (the one for Jews) instead of pink (the one for gays). In camp, he falls in love with fellow prisoner Horst, who wears his pink label with pride.

Cast: Lothaire Bluteau as Horst Clive Owen as Max

__

Well. This was a fascinating watch. For Unit 4 the only film I’ve seen prior is Brokeback Mountain and I feel like Bent had a similar structure in that the most emotionally difficult parts are primarily (not fully, rest in peace Randy and unnamed girl) towards the end. I definitely went in to this movie expecting it to be jam packed with pain and suffering in a way that would constantly assault my emotional space, but that wasn’t what it was. And it felt all the more realistic for it, I think. 

We open at Greta’s club, we got an outright bacchanal, such a beautiful, vibrant, explicitly queer space…in Nazi Germany. And it eases you in to that concept because the first party we see is completely absent of any soldiers, then we get soldiers coming in to join the fun, and then we get Nazi’s coming in looking for one particular person, and Max’s boyfriend Randy watches the Nazi’s slit Wolf’s throat. This was an interesting choice in name for me, because Hitler really wanted to be called Wolf, and made people refer to him as such. Anyway, Wolf dies, Max and Randy run to Greta’s home which is…literally a home made out of wardrobes (living in the closet), and Greta dresses them all up in suits and burns all the evidence of her queerness. And you’d think they’d be laying low, which in some ways they are, yet they are at fully discussing what happened, aligning themselves with queerness, on a public bus, in Nazi occupied Berlin, after literally just escaping Nazi’s as if it’s a regular day, and they haven’t just watched someone get killed for being queer. 

And nonchalantly, Greta strips away all of her identity, she’s got things figured out, she becomes Greg (or something) and starts talking about the wife and kids he has at home, and how he’s fucked every sex worker on the street, and that’s it (“So queer is out. Queer is dead. Ratatattat”). They don’t seem phased, they don’t seem scared, Greta processes the grief they know is coming for them while they sing farewell songs in their own club, and that’s it. They give Max and Randy enough money to flee Berlin, and we never hear about them again. And when I talk about the realism in this, I mean that Randy, having just watched a man be murdered, doesn’t want to leave Berlin, because he put money down on a dance class and he doesn’t want to miss those classes. And it strikes me that Max constantly seems annoyed with, fed up with Randy, and yet cannot leave him, just as Randy cannot leave Max. Randy and Max both had an opportunity to leave each other, and get away to safety, and they stayed together, and that was their downfall. 

But before their capture, we see them just like…waiting around, they are getting on each other’s nerves, they are bickering about cheese. Again, it feels so…true to life? I don’t think we really think enough about the downtime when you are waiting to die, when you are hiding, when you are trying to survive. They have time to work, to gaze at the sky, to talk over a fire, to kiss, to sing, to accuse their partner of trying to poison their cheese. They have time to trust, to make mistakes, and to die. 

Max was stupid, Randy was stupid, everyone made one mistake and now Max is killing Randy on a train to Dachau in a desperate attempt to prove to the Nazi’s that he didn’t know Randy, that he isn’t queer, just in the hopes that he will survive the trip to the camps. And this film does not shy away from the monstrosities/atrocities. They make you see Randy’s beaten body, knowing that the Nazi’s tortured him because he wore glasses and they thought he was an intellectual. When he was a dancer, which to be fair is just as much of a threat to the Nazi regime as anything else. We have to just sit there, and watch Max tell himself over and over and over and over again “this isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This is happening.” while Randy sobs in agony in the background. 

Which felt real to me too, because what else are you going to do? Horst has clocked Max, and has told Max that this train ride is made to break people, and personally I think Max was broken before Horst was even able to offer advice, but the only way he is even remotely capable of handling anything that happened on that train is to just willfully refuse to admit that it was real. It cannot be real. With the genocide in Gaza, I have really been thinking a lot about how suddenly life can change, I think about what it would be like if I were there, in that situation, or if it happened here and how I would react to it. And I do not know how long it would take for me to feel like any of that was real. 

This movie was fascinating because so much and so little happens. We have the glitz and glamor, we have the frenzied escape, and then they sit in the woods, we have the train ride where Randy is tortured by Nazi’s and killed by Max’s hand, and Max is forced to rape the corpse of a 13 year old girl the Nazi’s shot, in order to prove that he isn’t queer, and then for the next hour he’s moving rocks back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until we reach the last 5-10 minutes of the movie. 

It was so interesting for me to watch this movie, seeing Max’s cyclical nature from beginning to end. At the beginning of Bent, Max is not hiding his queerness in any way. He’s at the club every night, he’s shoving his tongue down multiple people’s throats, he’s having public sex. He’s super. fucking. gay. He’s gone to all the clubs, he’s known in the community, his family knows he’s queer. It was an identity he held, until the second Horst told him being queer was the lowest of the low in the camps. For the majority of the time he was in Dachau he vehemently refused to wear the pink triangle, he convinced the SS soldiers to mark him with the Star of David and not the pink triangle by doing some truly heinous actions. 

Max used his wealth and his willingness to do terrible things to get into a position he felt was safe. He moved rocks back and forth all day long and bribed the guards to let Horst move rocks with him. They were able to be together, to share space together, to imagine for three minutes every few hours that they were able to be together. To fuck each other, to love each other, to hold each other, but there is not allowed to be gentleness between them.

I loved the moments in this movie where Max and Horst were having sex with each other on those breaks. I loved that they were able to find a moment of pleasure. I loved that Horst was allowed to cry, to beg for gentleness, I loved what it said about Max that he said he liked to be hurt in sex, that it was exciting. I am absolutely not one to judge that, let me preface, but it felt to me Max is trying to believe about himself but isn’t true. If he likes being hurt, maybe he can cope better with the pain he is experiencing. 

And again, in case people have forgotten the overall purpose of the syllabus, Ben structured these units to slowly progress people in to BL. So I want to relate a moment of this to BL a little bit because some of it made me start thinking of The Eclipse, mostly around the conversation Horst and Max have about the SS soldier who is “the worst in the camp” and whether or not he’s queer. Which leads to one of the most important lines in the film, for me anyway:

Max: “Of course he could be queer. But you don’t want to think about that. You don’t want them to be” Horst: “There are queer Nazi, and queer saints, and- and queer geniuses, and queer nobodies.”

This film is about what people do to survive, the cycles they maintain, the parts of them they break, in order to live to the end. And this moment made me think of The Eclipse in terms of the commentary that show also made about the harm oppressed groups can perpetuate against their own communities for the sake of survival, self hatred, etc. Chadok was authoritarian and militant and brainwashed Akk in to literally committing crimes to maintain order (shout out to the car Akk let roll in to a crowd of protestors) and was also a gay man trying desperately to hold on to his own safety after Dika died. We do not get a backstory on the SS soldier, nor would I have particularly cared for one, but we do know that every time certain soldiers enact physical violence against queer people, we see them wipe their eye as if brushing away a tear. We do know that that SS soldier made Max go down on him in order to get medicine. And at the end of the day it doesn’t fully matter if we get confirmation about that particular soldier, because the fact remains that there were queer Nazi’s and we have to reckon with that. 

Max is maybe able to pass as straight, not to other queers, but probably to most of the Nazi’s and he says as much in his conversation with Horst about how the SS soldier would have killed him if he knew a queer had gone down on him. And ultimately I think it’s true, because that SS soldier realizes that Max went down on him for medicine, not for himself but for Horst, and that was all he needed to realize that there was more to the relationship between Max and Horst and to punish Max for it. It came as no surprise to me that the film would end with both of them dead, they spoke too often of survival, I loved so much that Horst, knowing he would die either way, decided to rebel for once and left a mark on that SS soldier. 

Favorite Moment 

So I think my actual favorite moment is the second time that Horst and Max verbally fuck eachother and we get the conversation about Horst wanting to be handled gently, but honestly I have to give a shoutout to the moment that Randy and Max are arguing in the forest because it feels like an organic conversation between a couple that has been stuck together in too small a space (read: a metal barrel for a roof over their head) and are under a lot of stress. And they’re just sitting there arguing about the correct term for the type of ecosystem they are in (“Forest”, “Jungle”, “Forest”) and Randy says he’s worried that Max poisoned the cheese (that Randy bought and selected himself) and the incredulity by which Max responds: “It’s your cheese..choke on it. I cannot tell you how much I want you to choke on it. Christ!”

I really loved all these types of little moments, the repetition, the tiffs, I felt like it really helped ground the film. 

Favorite Quote 

“If I can stand at attention they’ll let me hold you. I never held you before. I won’t let you drop. You know what? Horst? You know what? I think- I think I love you. Shh. Don’t tell anyone. Don’t worry about the rocks. I won’t drop you, I promise. I think- I think I love- Can’t remember his name. A dancer. I think I loved him too. Don’t be jealous. You’re safe. I won’t drop you. I love you. What’s wrong with that?”

Now, I will say, as much as my stomach twisted in horror at certain moments in the film, I was holding it together pretty well, right up until the very end. Max is commanded by the SS soldier to get rid of Horst’s body and as Max is lifting Horst in to his arms, the horns go off for their three minute rest where they are supposed to stand at attention. And Max…screams, he just screams “No” because he doesn’t want to let Horst go. He does not want Horst to drop to the ground. And the Nazi’s have already walked away, and so Max holds Horst as best as he can.  This unmoving dead weight heavy and slipping in his arms. And for the first time ever he is able to hold this man that he loves. And then he drags Horst’s body to the grave, takes Horst’s shirt with the pink triangle, puts it on, and kills himself. It’s tragic, and horrible, and painful to watch but it was a moment of gentleness out of a man who had convinced himself he was a terrible person. And there is something to Max’s final moments being holding the man he loved who he’d promised would be safe in his arms, keeping that promise, and reclaiming his identity the way Horst would have wanted him to. He died a queer and he died on his own terms, and it fucking sucks that we don’t always survive, but I think Bent really sets itself up for the question of what it means and what it’s worth to be yourself. Because for us, as with many other people, to be ourselves can mean danger, can mean violence, can mean death and knowing that there are people who hide to survive still suffering under the constraints of closet life and there are people who step out in the open knowing what they might face. 

Score

9/10

This may sound a little bit sadistic, but I think I wanted a touch more queer pain, and I don’t think this is a film that is easy to recommend to people because of how much of the movie is dedicated to repetition. This was a very strong film, the acting was great, and the sets were intriguing, and the little eyebrow touch did in fact come back to haunt me.

Next on the docket...Strange Fruit

[montague-fortnite]

What is this site... oh, whatever, I'm Montague, you probably know me. In fact, you SHOULD know me.

Alright, I'm not gonna be on this site a hell of a lot, but listen up because theres rules you need to follow. My blog isn't some place to mess around, so lets keep it civil.

1. Im here because of other people, so dont expect me to be a dog to answer at every mention of my name or every question you just have to ask me.

2. No disrespectful behaviour under my posts or towards me. Im too busy working to tolerate peoples foolish behaviour. (No homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism and the likes of it. You get it by now, right? Good.)

3. No NSFW, im always working, so nothing unsafe for that should happen here. I can't have people look over my shoulder at work and see that. (Suggestive is ok but minimal)

4. I may not be what you expected me to be, just because I dont follow your perfect little perception of me does not mean you can tell me off on it. (My canon is my own, simple as that.)

5. Keep your gross problematic stuff away from me, your weird ships, and inappropriate stuff. And that being said, don't pick a fight if I get with someone not of your liking. I pick and choose who I get to stay around, not you.

(No proshippers, and this blog might contain ship content, dont get mad if it's not someone you like. Not your choice, never was.)

{Keep reading to find tags, guides, and my idea of canon for this blog}

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Alright, now here's a few guides for you. Since some people don't know how to contact me, this is how;

My ask blog, I won't check it super often, but it's where you can contact me easiest. Anything weird asked in there is being ignored, so dont bother really.

Mentioning me in posts, feel free to, questions, posts, fanart, whatever you want. But if it's fanart, I prefer you only tag me in content you've made. {That's just to avoid random artists getting uncomfortable by rp accounts}. In reality, I can't stop you doing whatever, though.

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Tags I'll be using just to organise. It keeps me sane instead of getting lost in my own blog.

#Montague Asks - self-explanatory, ask me things, I reply and tag it with that.

#Montague RP Art - any art I make relating to this blog will be tagged with this. If you make an ask or mention me somewhere, there's a chance I will reply with an artwork so this will be the tag for it.

#Montague Puppet - I'll use that when speaking OOC, because well... I'm puppeting this account. I will also use {} when speaking OOC to make it clearer when it's not Montague talking.

#Fortnite tumblrverse - Another tag I'll use when in character, open for other fortnite RP accounts to use.

Montague canon;

Hi hello!! Its the puppet behind Montague here, im not fully knowledged on how Montague may act or what lore he may have besides the society and character lines from NPCs. So if anything seems off its most likely me trying to define my own canon. As time goes on canon may change.

Important note, this account is run by a minor. If this bothers you, not my problem. You can stay or you can leave that is up to you.

HCs applying to this account:

Montague, in my perception, is definitely not straight. I personally haven't applied a specific attraction to Montague, so it'll be vague whenever mentioned.

Montague is not Cis in this blog! But more often than not, he won't openly discuss that, and not many people know. He's rich, he got the surgerys before meeting most people he knows.

Whenever Montague gets hurt and has an open scar, sometimes diamonds will grow there depending on stress levels. This can cause a wound to open up more, so Montague, being an often stressed person, doesn't help this. This is why he has so many guards. Montague without guards is fine. He's fully capable of winning a fight. But it's a safety precaution he put in for himself.

Montague wears makeup, lots. He most likely has plenty of scars from when he got into fights as a teen. Because of this, he spends an hour covering them up. Some need makeup because of their positioning. The scars follow the previous HC of diamond growth, making them more permanent.

Any other HCs youll have to find out by asking the man himself. Asks appreciated!! Thats all for now.

[aspoonofsugar]

This is me trying to avoid the slaughterhouse for what I'm about to suggest (there's a good chance I'll get cooked alive anyway).

I'm not sure where you stand with Penny and Ruby's relationship, but I wanted to get your opinion on my interpretation (sorry to put you on the spot).

I interpreted Penny as the little sister Ruby never had. I think that CRWBY wanted to put Ruby in Yang's shoes during the Atlas Arc, since that was the main internal conflict within team RWBY.

Yang spent her childhood trying to protect and raise Ruby. She tried so hard to be the best big sister she could be so Ruby wouldn't ever have to suffer the same pain she felt... the pain she felt twice, with Summer disappearing and learning that Raven abandoned her. She gave up everything for her.

I saw Ruby as stepping into that role for Penny. There was that parallel, about friends. Ruby asking if Penny made any other friends, compared to when Yang asked Ruby to make some friends at Beacon.

Ruby always trying to comfort and protect Penny, even at the cost of her own safety (yes, any friend would do this, too).

I don't know, that's just how I saw it. The Atlas Arc very much was about changing perspectives, with them also being put into Oz's shoes after he left, needing to make the hard choices, prioritizing what to tell and what not to tell.

I thought since Yang and Ruby's rift was most prominent during that arc, that she was also being put into Yang's shoes with Penny. Just like Yang was put into Ruby's shoes and taking charge of her own team.

(That being said, I do see the appeal of a romantic relationship, but I was much more interested in the Potential of it, the symbolism and parallels, rather than it actually being canon.

Another statement that might get me slaughtered is that I wouldn't have liked if it became canon while Penny was alive because it felt like Penny contributed to the weight on Ruby's shoulders. She was extremely codependent on others (TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE and just like Ruby was with Yang at the start at Beacon) and if I was to like the ship in canon, then Penny would have had to stay alive and go to Vacuo while RWBY fell (guess Jaune wouldn't have a reason to fall anymore), and learn how to be independent.

Even then, I'd feel horrible for Penny because she hated being the Winter Maiden, and if she survived, she would no longer just be protecting Mantle and Atlas, she'd be protecting the entire world. Though... she wouldn't be doing it alone anymore. She'd have the rest of the world to back her up.

I dunno, sorry for the ramble, and sorry if you are offended (I get it, homophobes like to use the "they're just sisters argument with a lot of wlw ships, but I promise there's no malicious intent behind my interpretation. Plus, I just recently discovered and am exploring my own sapphic identity).

But yeah. I hope they don't come for me for this. I decided I'd rather talk with someone about it rather than post it as a statement. It feels like it'll come off differently as a civil conversation.

(it's greentea)

Hi!

Don't worry, it is fine for me to discuss anything, as long as people are polite!

So, this is a very interesting take and I agree on many things, while I interpret others differently. If you are interested, you find my 2 cents below.

PREMISE

So, let's make it clear where I stand on ships. I am not a multi-shipper, so I am really not that passionate about ships unless they are canon or I think they are becoming canon by the end (obviously I may always be wrong in this second case). When it comes to Ruby, I think Rosegarden is gonna be endgame, so I am mostly focused on this ship.

That said, I think that so far Ruby has shown no romantic interest in anybody:

Ozpin: Not enjoying yourself? Ruby: Oh, no, everything's fine! I'm just not much of a fancy pantsy… dancey girl. Ozpin: Well, you can't spend your whole life on the battlefield, even if you may want to. Ruby: Yeah, that lesson's been floating around a lot lately. Ozpin: If you think about it, fighting and dancing aren't so different. Two partners interlocked, although one wrong move on the ballroom merely leads to a swollen foot. Ruby: Or a twisted ankle.

In Atlas, she is uninterested in Renora's romantic conflict. In volume 9, she is the only one who doesn't get Weiss's crush on the Rusted Knight and Bumbleby's developing attraction. Basically, Ruby's focus is really not on romance and that is (imo) for 2 reasons:

She is focused on the mission and the macrochosm, rather than on her personal life

She is in a different development stage when compared to the others. In short, she is younger

Obviously, younger people fall in love too (I mean, puppy love is a thing) and everyone develops romantic feelings (if they even do) at different ages. However, RWBY is a story which makes use of metaphors and archetypes to describe the characters' inner journeys. This happens with Ruby, as well.

In particular, volume 9 has Ruby going from childhood:

To adolescence:

Little becomes Somewhat. Ruby becomes Someone. Neither Somewhat nor Ruby have figured themselves out. Still, they have grown and stepped into a new phase of their lives.

Well, I think that after this inner transformation Ruby will be more open to romantic relationships. In short, I think the Vacuo arc will focus on Ruby and Oscar's bond, which will grow to be romantic on both sides.

So, where does it leave Penny? I think Ruby and Penny's dynamic can be read in 2 ways:

A platonic friendship (my preference)

A bond, which could have developed into a romantic relationship with time once both Penny and Ruby grow

Ironically, I think the platonic interpretation is deeper and is better to explore Ruby and Penny's dynamic in canon. That said, there is nothing wrong about headcanoning a romantic attraction in a what if scenario.

In any case, it doesn't really matter because Penny is dead and personally I don't think she is coming back. Of course, there are people who feel differently and that is alright. I simply want to make clear the frame I am using.

That said, I don't think it is coincidental that so many people ship Penny and Ruby together. As a matter of fact Penny and Ruby's bond is very important and will be important for Ruby and Oscar's story, as well. After all, Penny and Oscar have been set up as foils since the very beginning:

Ruby: But at this pace, you'll be combat ready in no time! Suddenly, Ruby frowns upon mentioning her last phrase. Oscar notices this and tries to ask a question before Ruby interrupts him. Oscar: Uh…

In the dojo scene, Ruby unconsciously compares Oscar and Penny. This is also the first time Ruby indirectly brings up her friend before meeting her again in Atlas. In short, Oscar and Penny are linked when it comes to their arcs and what they mean to Ruby. So, Ruby's feelings over Penny's death are gonna be important for her dynamic with Oscar (and many other things, of course). Let's now focus on what Penny represents for Ruby.

PENNY AS RUBY'S INNER CHILD

I interpreted Penny as the little sister Ruby never had. I think that CRWBY wanted to put Ruby in Yang's shoes during the Atlas Arc, since that was the main internal conflict within team RWBY.

I like this take. I think it is interesting how you parallel Ruby and Yang's journeys in Atlas. Ruby becoming a big sister to Penny and Yang acting as a leader of her own faction.

That said, I think Penny's role in Ruby's arc is wider and it doesn't start in Atlas. Since the beginning, Penny represents Ruby's inner child:

A person's supposed original or true self and the part of the personality that still reacts and feels like a child.

Penny arrives at Beacon and is immediately presented as a Ruby up to eleven:

Penny: Sen-sational! We can paint our nails, and try on clothes, and talk about cute boys! Ruby: Oh, is this what it was like when you met me?

Just like Ruby, her initial objective is to make friends. Just like Ruby, she is sweet, innocent, hopeful and can wield lethal weapons:

Ruby grows close to Penny because of these similarities. At the same time, Ruby is immediately not only supportive of Penny:

Ruby: You're not like those things we saw back there. You've got a heart, and a soul; I can feel it!

But also protective in a way, which is uncharacteristically strong:

Penny: Ruby, are these people your friends? Ruby: Penny, get back! AAAAAH! Ruby: Penny, wait! Stop! Penny: Don't worry, Ruby. I'm combat ready!

Finally, Penny's death is what breaks the peace and happiness of Ruby's school days:

The fall of Beacon starts with Penny's dismemberment. That is the moment Ruby's world breaks and she crashes down in shock. However, she is fast to get back on her feet and immediately uses Penny's sword to fight a Nevermore:

The metaphor is clear. The Nevermore embodies grief (see Poe's The Raven) and Ruby deals with it with her inner faith, which is represented by Penny's sword.

Atlas is just the repetition of this story. Penny arrives like a ray of hope in the grim situation the heroes are. They have just discovered Salem can't be killed and Ozpin has left them. Still, a lost friend appears out of nowhere and brings new happiness to the characters:

Penny: It'll be just like Beacon again!

Thanks to Penny, Ruby is able to go back to her happy place. She is back at Beacon with her friends all working hard to become extraordinary Huntresses and Huntsmen. Sure, some things have changed, but Ruby can find solace in the things that haven't. This is why Ruby's line to Pietro is so telling:

Ruby: Even if the worst does happen, you can always reactivate her again, so maybe try not to worry so much.

Pietro is worried about Penny's well being and Ruby tells him not to because if push comes to shove Pietro can just revive Penny again. Ruby clearly sees Penny as an ideal existence that can defeat death. However, Pietro is quick to shoot down this belief. This is foreshadowing for Penny's eventual death and how Ruby will have to accept it. Penny's second death brings out all the negative feelings Ruby has been repressing:

The scenario is the same of the one at Beacon, but this time Ruby can't stand up and struggles to find Penny's sword again:

Jinxy: Enough hope to fill this jar.

She has not enough hope to wield her inner blade anymore.

It is deep down still there:

Ruby: I… I thought this was lost forever. How’d you have it? Blacksmith: Nothing. No one is ever truly lost.

However, Ruby can't see it.

In other words, Penny is symbolically linked to Ruby's hope. She is the embodyment of the inner child that shines within Ruby and brings light to others. Still, Ruby is growing up. The coping mechanisms that worked as a child are starting to lose their grip on her.

It is not by chance that in Atlas Ruby struggles to use her silver eyes. She finds an inner equilibrium in volume 6, but Salem's words in volume 7 are all it takes to throw Ruby off:

After that, Ruby manages to sucessfully use her eyes only when Penny is in danger:

So, symbolically Penny is the one keeping Ruby together. This is why she is undone the moment Penny dies. Penny's death marks the end of Ruby's childhood.

Volume 9 is really Ruby grieving her child self in Penny. This is made clear by Little, who is Ruby's innocent self and shares many similarities with Penny. They love hugs and friends and Ruby. They are hopeful and want to grow up and help others. They are both Ruby and Penny in a nutshell.

So, Ruby's final goodbye to Somewhat is really Ruby saying goodbye both to her child self and to Penny:

Ruby: Well, uh… To me, you seem like a friend. Blake: A guide. Weiss: A protector. Yang: A…dorable. Ruby: Do any of those sound close? Somewhat: Hmmm. Somewhat. Yeah. Somewhat. I’m not any one thing, I’m somewhat of a lot of things! Ruby: It is a true pleasure to meet you, Somewhat. Somewhat: It will be my honor to serve you. Ruby: You’ve already done more for us than you know. Somewhat: You do feel… familiar. Like a happy dream I can’t remember.

She is moving on towards adulthood and self-actualization. She is working through her grief for her friend's loss.

Of course, this process has just begun:

What survives After all the dust has gone? Were you there till the end (the end)? Were you at least called a friend?

My wish came true That day that you appeared And called me friend

Penny is absent from Ruby's final confrontation with the Blacksmith (my main complaint about volume 9 ending). Still, this is clearly because Ruby is going to symbolically face her later on.

It is the same with Jaune and Pyrrha:

No more Sudden movements Please So tired, I'm sleepless And haunted by you Falling Forever Was I always just A man out of time

Both fallen maidens indirectly appear in the climax of the volume, but neither is properly addressed. They will be in Vacuo. They must be because both Jaune and Ruby are still hung up on them.

RUBY IDEALIZES PENNY

Neo-Penny: Just like you were too late to save me at the Vytal Festival… I died in Atlas too, didn’t I? Can you imagine what that's like? To be completely and utterly failed… time and again… by someone who meant the world to you…

This is the Penny Ruby sees in her head. This is in no way the real Penny. In her final moments, Penny is not looking for someone to save her, but rather she is searching for ways to save others.

In short, Ruby idealizes Penny to an extent. She sees her as someone innocent and pure to protect, but Penny is much more. Penny is her own person and her arc is about reaching self-actualization. She isn't the Pinocchio who is created by the Blue Fairy. Rather, she is the Pinocchio who creates the Blue Fairy:

All of this to say, I disagree with this take:

She was extremely codependent on others (TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE and just like Ruby was with Yang at the start at Beacon) and if I was to like the ship in canon, then Penny would have had to stay alive and go to Vacuo while RWBY fell (guess Jaune wouldn't have a reason to fall anymore), and learn how to be independent.

Or to better say, I see things a little bit differently. It is true that Ruby and Penny's dynamic is one where Ruby is mostly the one supporting and Penny is the one supported. It is also true that Penny is unsure about herself because of how her life has been controlled by others. Still, the way this dynamic works is also because Ruby keeps on projecting on Penny a very frail and vulnerable part of herself.

I actually think your parallelism with Yang and Ruby's dynamic is pretty poignant. Yes, Ruby is initially dependent on Yang. Still, Yang too is clearly projecting on Ruby her guilt and belief that love is conditional. This is why Yang should let go of Ruby:

This doesn't mean for Yang to stop caring for Ruby. However, it is not Yang's fault Ruby drinks the tree tea. Similarly, it is not Yang the one who can save Ruby or decide who Ruby is gonna be. Only Ruby can do that. That is because Ruby is her own person outside of Yang.

The same goes for Ruby and Penny. Ruby is a wonderful friend to Penny. Still, it is not her fault Penny dies at Beacon and at Atlas. Finally, Penny has in herself the strength to grow up and become her own person. Something she does before dying.

If Nuts And Dolts were written to become canon, Penny should grow more self-assured, so that she could be there for Ruby. At the same time, Ruby should stop projecting her inner child on Penny.

THE CONFLICT THAT WASN'T THERE

I would like to highlight that volume 7 offers the perfect chance to change Ruby and Penny's dynamic.

As we know, Ruby's main internal conflict there is if to tell or not Ironwood about Salem's immortality. Well, if Penny were to have an arc intertwined with Ruby, so that they could grow together and end up as a couple, this conflict needed to be addressed between them.

After all, Ruby doesn't tell Penny about Salem. At least, we have no reason to think otherwise. Penny is close to Ironwood and Winter and trusts easily. So, it is to be expected that if she knew, she would insist to tell the Atlas higher ups. So, not only is Ruby hiding info from Ironwood, but also from her friend. She obviously does so not to put Penny in a thight spot.

However, if Penny were written to grow into Ruby's partner, I think she should have entered a minor conflict with Ruby over this. In volume 8, Ruby not telling her should have been mentioned and Penny should have called Ruby out. She should have demanded Ruby to trust her more.

So, why doesn't this happen? Simply because imo Penny and Ruby are not written to be endgame. Moreover, the ones who enter a conflict with Ruby over this are Yang and Oscar. In particular, Oscar gets the part of the conflict, which could have easily been Penny's. He is the one who grows the closest to Ironwood. He is the one General objectifies. He is the one who eventually reveals the truth. He is the one who faces Ironwood in a last desperate attempt to get through to him.

Obviously, there could have been many other ways to write Penny and Ruby as a ship. Still, Penny is right now dead and her arc is done. In general, Penny and Ruby's arcs are not even that intertwined structurally:

Penny's arc is about reaching personhood through making difficult and tragic choices. She explores the theme of humanity, duty vs want and faith. Finally, her destiny in the sense of final goal is linked to "friendship". Her final choice is to say goodbye to Winter and to solve their conflict. She also chooses her friends over her duties as a Maiden. The character at the centre of her arc is Winter and not Ruby.

Ruby's arc is about overcoming Summer's death. She is a wide-eyed child, who is confronted with the darkness of the world and has to resist it. She must keep her idealism in the face of the worst happening. The characters at the centre of her arc are honestly Summer and Cinder so far. Still, I think Oscar will be key, as well. I mean:

Foreshadowing is foreshadowing.

That said, Penny and Ruby are incredibly important for each other. They are linked to each other's best parts. Ruby is the first to recognize Penny's humanity. She is Penny's guide and inspiration to grow up. Penny reminds Ruby of her most innocent and hopeful side. She is an even more simple soul than Ruby herself.

So, I personally don't ship them, but I can understand why people are passionate about their relationship. As for me, I am more interested in their individual arcs and what they have to say. Thank you for the ask!

[granulesofsand]

🗝️🏷️ therapy goals, shame

Someone in the elevator told us they were our neighbor (in the dorms) and asked if we recognized them. I don’t remember what the person out said, but when I switched in, the outsider’s friend went “he said he don’t know you, not that he don’t see you”.

I’m fronting again today, and I’m so embarrassed that happened. I do see this person pretty often, they’re the one who plays music at all hours of the night.

I don’t like that embarrassment. It’s not the guilty kind of embarrassing, where I made a mistake and I feel bad for doing it; it’s the shameful kind, where I am the mistake and feel bad for being it. This is exactly the kind of shame that outsiders put on us for being a system.

Nobody assumes we’re plural, certainly nobody assumes we’re multiple, and outsiders expect us to behave like a singlet. We aren’t a singlet, we are multiple, and I will not accept this shame that isn’t ours. They can find us weird or crazy, but they will not make us ashamed of a perfectly valid existence.

I recognized that person, but whoever was out before me didn’t, and that’s okay. We’re not one person, and the more we fawn into behaving as one, the worse our disordered dissociation gets. We are healthiest right now as a multiple system, and we don’t need to have constant integration and grounding to be good. I am my own person, the one who was out before me is their own person, and we don’t have to pretend to be the same person to deserve safety and comfort.

This shame comes from the group, especially with the reinforcement of our caregivers; they wanted us dependent on them, so we weren’t allowed to be people (or even one person together). It comes from medicine; they can’t find emotional empathy for plurals, so they tell us we are only good if we can be like them. Those are not ours to carry.

I can deal with us being labeled DID for as long as we live, because our Complex Dissociative Structure is far from healthy. Time and healing might change that, but we will never be functional like a singlet, and outsiders will always call us disordered for it. Healthy is a goal, but authentic is the goal.

Nobody has to come with us. You& should all be making choices for you&, and wanting another option is very cool and valid. You& can find those options without trying to be functional like a singlet, and it’s still good and right if you& are following a path for that functionality.

Fusion doesn’t make the others go away, as in dormancy, and you& can structure your& new self to make sure everyone is represented. Making progress in trauma work can lead to some fusion naturally, once people feel they are at peace or the brain decides they aren’t needed. You& don’t have to be broken to fuse, but some would struggle more with elaborating than fusing.

Final fusion is the perpetual blending of all insiders, and that can feel really good. Outside people have spirituality built around that concept, and you& can do it as often as you& like. Fusing after making some progress can be compared to water, like two streams flowing together, or one of the places where salt and freshwater mix. That’s a really cool skill, and any use of it might be why it’s best for you&.

Functional multiplicity used to be anything except fusion, but not so much anymore. We say ‘functional’ instead of ‘healthy’ because neither imply the other. Reordering your& insiders to thrive in daily life can be both, and some systems get here naturally after processing their trauma. If you& value everyone’s perspectives and abilities, fusion can overwrite some of those discrepancies.

Functional multiplicity can look a lot like fusion, kind of like several instruments in one song instead of everyone playing their own, or even learning to sync the beats to play well together. Sometimes you& might lower barriers altogether, and then you& get some blending and fusion. Functional multiplicity is cooperative and integrated, and the teamwork involved is also something outsiders strive for.

The primary difference between final fusion and functional multiplicity is how many selves are in the mix. With low barriers, it can change, or you& can learn to keep it one way or the other. Systems can often still make out all of their members in a fusion, especially when it’s new. There are in-betweens there that lean median, and sometimes that’s also the goal.

Not all healing follows the same path as the functional multiplicity/functional midcontinuum/final fusion. Some systems do heal by full dormancy, which might look anyplace on the singlet-multiple gradient, and only leaving one person to front. Some systems find themselves healthy, becoming functional by accommodating over integrating. All systems can still identify as having a Complex Dissociative Structure, however they’re healing or how far along they are.

We are still healing. We like our amnesia in that most of us don’t care to know what happens without us there. We don’t always want to be there. We are learning to be co-conscious at will, and to copy and share memories. We like our otherworld, we like our individuality, we like switching.

Traumatized people are prone to shame, which is never beneficial; you& can’t solve the problem if you& believe you& are the problem. You& are allowed to be dissociative, and that includes every kind and stage of healing.

[loosesodamarble]

Nacht x Josele, Morgen x Josele <3<3

You are the awesomest of anons today! NWHCUDJFHFIENW! 💖💗🥰😭💖

Okay so Nacsele and Morgsele! My beloved ships! Jwhcudjfhiewj! Let me collect myself cause I’m behcidnwjwoq!

Nyeheheheheheh~!

Nacht x Josele

Makes all the sense and is tied for the most compelling ship!

Nacht is part of why Josele was able to open up as a child and become the free spirit that she is in the present. His mischief and confidence brought her joy and inspired her. Nacht admired Josele for how straightforward and simply good she was. They something in each other that they liked and latched on tight. It also makes sense that they'd get together because of all the time they'd known each other. Josele and Nacht have seen so many sides of each other and accepted them all.

What compels me in this ship... Everything. It's the childhood friends to lovers. It's the arc of finding new love (though they had really loved each other from the start). Part of it is seeing each other at their worst and bringing them back from it. Nacht's self-loathing and comparing himself to his brother, only for Josele to tell him that she doesn't want him to be Morgen, but to be himself. There's Josele regretting her choices after Morgen's, regretting the darkness she fell into, and Nacht reassuring her that she found herself again and that's what matters. I just love love LOVE the way that both Nacht and Josele carry the weight of Forbidden Magic on their souls and in carrying that "sin," they are each other's salvation.

Nacht and Josele's love story isn't perfectly happy, but it's theirs. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

.....

Morgen x Josele

Makes so so so so so much sense and is the ship that ties for Nacsele to be most compelling!

They make sense because these two are absolute sweethearts who see the good in the world (mainly Nacht/lh). They both are naturally inclined to good and so they could bond over that. They also have different ways of being helpful so they make a good team (Morgen being more educated can think things through better while Josele has the physical strength to be of assistance). They also brought out other things in each other. Josele made Morgen feel reassured that he didn't need to be the perfect noble most people saw him as. And Morgen helped Josele value her own well-being and happiness rather than giving all of herself to others. In loving each other, they also love themselves more.

AND AAAAHHHHH! They're relationship is so compelling because they're just such good people, to each other and others. I also love making giving people like Morgen and Josele be selfish about their relationship. Their romance is something they only share between themselves. It's happiness but it's not without any troubles. Morgen had to learn that "goodbye" made Josele feel insecure. And Josele caused Morgen concern whenever she put his safety over hers, even when he told her not to. But they always made up with each other and their love grows stronger form there. Then, when they're so incredibly close to being married, taking yet another step in their relationship, Morgen dies and their happy ending is stolen from them. But! A BIG BUT! Josele still loves Morgen. She doesn't fully move on for him when she's with Nacht. She holds onto that feeling, loves Morgen in the present tense. And Morgen, in the afterlife, continues to love her. Tragic romance that still stays strong, my beloved. And, well, they get a glorious reunion on Judgement Day, when Morgen comes back as a Paladin. A love reborn~!

I love Josele's romances with Nacht and Morgen so so so so so KDJBflahrusithaskrthaksrthu SOOOOOOO MUCH! Both have tragedy, though in different flavors. And MMMMM! I'M BROUGHT TO LIFE!