#->noting this is also a belief set tommy's mother also had
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Was thinking while watching that scene where Pol tells Ada about her abortion.
Polly really doesn't take on the mum role in the family to my mind, or even the matriarch/aunt tbh. And I think, there was some summary somewhere that referred to her as the consigliere and while she does perform a certain bouncing-board, plan formation role with Tommy (and only with Tommy, and only with insight into certain parts of his plans; I'm struggling to think of times the others listen to her without Tommy backing her up, S3 as example of when they don't), her other behaviours in the family also mean this isn't her role at all.
She's the wild older sister who is loving and explosive and hurtful, and incredibly, incredibly fragile, afraid and she feels so very scared, vulnerable and alone, most of the time. She just wants all her loved ones to be happy and safe and in achieving that, Tommy is frequently as much of an obstacle as he is the vehicle to get her that. I do headcanon that Polly lives 99% of her life in fear and on that edge of breakdown, it's just that she's lived with it so long she probably doesn't even acknowledge it any more. Her reactivity is so high.
So yeah, it's no wonder Tommy sort of plays that joint patriarch-matriarch role (arranging marriages etc), because Polly is *not* playing the matriarch.
#her stories to ada about that feminine/mother trauma are all sort of--#--with this tone of 'please forgive me please say you understand please say my decisions made sense'#because polly isn't certain in herself#she *acts* certain#idk#wild older sister that everyone including the youngest all have to sort of take care of#some of the way she says things about tommy that help *not at all*#like “he used to sleep out as a kid” pretending he's not out there having a complete fucking breakdown and she doesn't know what to dooooo#(though she *wants* to help she does)#every time she explains his traumas as impossible to avoid because they're gypsy and that's their lot in life#...let me get out my postcolonial lens again#->noting this is also a belief set tommy's mother also had#my headcanon polly absolutely idolised tommy's mother because she lost her mother young; following t's mum around like *her* mum#imagining tommy's mum could 'do no wrong' in pol's eyes
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so... you wanna know the dream smp lore as of dec 19th, 2020
you have come to the correct place
the dream smp in a nutshell (somewhat)
ok so despite the server itself starting in april, the lore doesn’t start until wilbur joined in like june. the basics are that wilbur tommy and tubbo started a drug business and that didn’t sit well with dream sapnap or george bc it was their server, so tommy tubbo and wilbur (and eret came in at some point) decided to separate their land on the server and call it l’manberg. they built a wall, they had their own national anthem. this again upset the dream team. eret then gets revealed as a traitor and causes everyone in l’manberg to lose their first lives. (there’s a 3 live rule for almost every character in the smp, the only exception being philza - he only has 1) eret did this in order to become kind of the server. then dream bombed l’manberg after wilbur tried to negotiate with him. at that point, independence for l’manberg was no longer looking like an options
then came an agreement between tommy and dream, they’d duel for l’manbergs independence, but if dream won he’d take one of tommy’s music discs (why the discs are so important? i literally could not tell you). dream won, taking tommy’s second life. and somewhere in there fundy enters the server as part of l’manberg, and starts all the weird family dynamic stuff
here’s a little tangent on family dynamics in the smp:
philza is the father of techno and wilbur (twins), and it’s confirmed their mother is a samsung smart fridge. he also fathers tommy, who’s mother is unknown, and tubbo, who’s adopted - his bio parents unknown, but there’s a really popular theory going around that schlatt is his bio dad
wilbur is the father of fundy, and fundys mother is apparently a fish - sally the salmon. it’s complicated, at some point the idea of sally being a shapeshifter was brought up but never confirmed
back to the lore, tommy came back on his last life and then negotiated with dream for the independence of l’manberg and in exchange he would give dream both of his discs (again, i have no clue why they’re so important to him but they play a huge part in his character) so with that, the war between l’manberg and the dream team was over. l’manberg wrote a decree of independence, officially exiled eret, then started a government - tommy was assigned treasury of the state and later the vice president, tubbo was the secretary of state, and fundy was just wilbur little champion. wilbur took the title as president
jack manifold then joined the server and l’manberg, dream begged him to join the dream team but he stayed with l’manberg. then tommy, jack, and tubbo decided to cause chaos and get revenge against dream for the destruction of l’manberg and for tommy to get his discs
there were a few minor events in between the war and the election that i don’t really deem that important, the most notable thing is that quackity joined the server. but if you’d like to read about the events - they’re on the wiki! i’d also recommend keeping up with the wiki because the plot moves very fast, and the wiki is a good source that always keeps track of everything that happens and just the members individually! there’s also a channel on youtube that uploads the vods of every member but only their smp streams, it’s just called dream smp members vods (if you’re at all interested in watching this rather than reading it)
we now get into the election. a lot of people weren’t really happy with wilbur as president and they weren’t taking him seriously, so wilbur tried to fix this by holding an election that originally he thought only he could win. quackity then formed his own party to run against wilbur, thus leading to SWAG2020 (quackity and george) vs POG2020 (wilbur and tommy). later joining the election would be Coconut2020 (fundy and niki nihachu) as well as Schlatt2020 (it was just schlatt). this was a real poll left up to the viewers, and Schlatt2020 ended up winning as for some reason his results were supposed to be combined with SWAG2020s results - together they had 46%, just 1% above POG2020 - so Schlatt was now president of l’manberg. (despite only joining the server once the campaigns had started and almost ended). schlatts first decree was to exile wilbur and tommy from l’manberg - he then kept tubbo as secretary of state and demanded he hunt tommy and wilbur. it’s also worth noting that he ordered the walls of l’manberg to be destroyed. this ends the l’manberg independence arc as a whole (yes all of that was one single arc) as l’manberg was renamed manberg by schlatt. (one last thing worth noting is that wilbur lost a life during the election, so he only has 1 life left)
this then starts the manberg rebellion arc. this is actually the longest arc at the moment as it lasted for almost 2 months(sep 22nd-nov 16th), but the next arc is still ongoing so that could change. also it’s now important to note that important events always happened on the 16th, so if you plan on ever watching streams live, you should always try to catch any that happen on the 16th.
wilbur and tommy created yet another independent part of the smp called pogtopia. other members of pogtopia were technoblade (who had just joined the server) acting as a mercenary, and tubbo, the pogtopia spy. this then caused another split of the server, and dream became part of pogtopia but only in secret. there were also third parties, that being manifold land and the badlands.
a festival in manberg was announced, and tubbo was supposed to give a speech and organize the event. this then caused wilbur to question his morality, and this sparked the idea that wilbur should blow up manberg for good, tommy didn’t agree with this, and dream sided with wilbur simply because he wanted schlatt gone. tommy and tubbo then decided they could only trust each other (THATS IMPORTANT PLEASE REMEMBER THAT)
the festival happened on oct 16th, where tubbo was outed as the l’manberg spy, techno was then ordered to kill tubbo (which he did, causing tubbo to lose a life and bring him down to one life) but he then basically caused a massacre in manberg. niki then joined pogtopia in hopes to save manberg with tommy and tubbo while wilbur and techno planned to destroy it. wilbur originally had plans to blow up manberg at the festival, but was unsuccessful as he lost the button he was supposed to use in order to do so
quackity was removed from his spot as vice president, then joining pogtopia. then an ultimatum was established within pogtopia - deal with schlatt, or wilbur blows everything up. that did not stop wilbur from attempting to blow up manberg yet again at nikis birthday party but was stopped by quackity, karl jacobs, and niki. the ultimatum was then given a deadline, november 6th.
quackity tried to meet with schlatt, who had tried to blow manberg up yet again only for schlatt to reveal that he moved the tnt wilbur put in manberg to pogtopia. fundy then revealed he’d been spying for pogtopia in secret - and wilbur began to realize that under schlatts leadership, NO ONE was on manbergs side. except dream who then revealed he actually was going to protect manberg for some reason idk dreams motivation and just dream in general is really confusing, but regardless he negotiated war with pogtopia, and the decided date was nov 16th
schlatt ended up dying of a heart attack in front of everyone in pogtopia, leaving the presidency to tommy, who then handed it to wilbur, who then handed it to tubbo. wilbur took this as his chance to blow up l’manberg, as in his eyes it would never be the same. philza then joined the server and tried to stop him, but he was unsuccessful. wilbur then convinced phil - his own father in canon - to kill him, and he did, causing him to die in all actuality this time as that was his last life.
techno then caused another massacre right after wilbur literally blew up l’manberg because he was angry that l’manberg was just replacing one dictator with another, and set two withers. he swore that he would destroy any government that rose in the dream smp. (i actually recommend watching wilburs video on this event, it’s his most recent dream smp video and probably his final as his character is dead now. techno also tells the story of theseus and he explains it much better than i can, and the role of theseus does play in later in the lore)(it’s also just a fucking cinematic masterpiece but maybe that’s just me)
that ends the manberg rebellion arc, and so starts the l’manberg retribution arc (which is still ongoing) and although the last arc currently stands as the longest arc, there’s much more lore in this arc at the moment. like i’ve said, the lore just moves very fast
the remaining citizens of l’manberg start to rebuild with the help of ghostbur, which is just as he sounds - the ghost of wilbur. he only remembers happy memories from his life and generally just likes to follow people around a lot, he’s not on anyone’s specific side. also somewhere during all of this, eret decided to adopt fundy, so eret is now in this complicated family dynamic mix
quackity was angry with technos actions and started ‘the butcher army’ so he could take techno down, despite tubbos wishes to not start any more wars and to keep l’manberg peaceful, and also the factor of technoblade now having nothing.
dream along with captain puffy started defacing and destroying the sever as a whole and placed all of the blame on tommy. most notably he targeted skeppy and badboyhalo in the badlands (who for some reason have one of tommy’s discs). dream left a fake note about the disc, which is what let to the belief that tommy actually did commit these crimes.
on nov 19th, a funeral was held for schlatt, to which the crowd who attended made fun of him and celebrated his death, and trying to cause trouble (basically quackity made a piss portrait of schlatt and ate his heart) the rest also took pieces of schlatts body. he was put to rest in the side of a mountain outside of l’manberg
badboyhalo actually encountered the grieving of him and skeppys houses done bg dream, promising to burn tommy’s discs. everyone else was finding out about “tommy” greeting bad, meanwhile quackity was replacing schlatts remains with fucking glass, trying to resurrect him - he then gave this task to awesamedude, but whether or not he’s going to do it is still up in the air
ranboo then joined the server and became close with tommy, and they both george’s george’s house. this caused dream to build and obsidian wall around l’manberg, and then everyone found out tommy grief led george (which is not a good look for the vice president (tommy is the vice president btw)) and this is when the idea of exiling tommy came up. tommy was then brought to court simply because dreamed wished to see tommy get exiled for things that he didn’t even do
a lot of stuff happened but i’m really trying my best to keep this brief, again you can read the wiki if you’d like more detail! it’s a great source of information! but in the end the decision to exile tommy was left to a twitter poll, it was close but the winning option was to exile tommy
before tommy got exiled, there was the introduction of mexican l’manberg also known as el rapids. in el rapids, a lot of conflict happened with dream, and at this point it really seems that no one is really on dramas side (which like rightfully so dsmp!dream is fucking horrible)
still before he was exiled, tommy brought up the idea of waging war on dream because it seemed that really everyone in l’manberg was against him. there was even the idea of getting people outside of l’manberg involved (like techno, sapnap, bad, etc). tubbo then had dream escort tommy out of l’manberg to his exile. he’d just betrayed his best friend, the person who he agreed was the only one he could trust, which confused a lot of people because it was almost a last moment decision - but apparently it was the only logical thing to do (bs imo) but then tubbo agreed to work with quackity in killing technoblade
dream stayed with tommy often while in exile, and they stayed together for about 11 days with occasional visits from ghostbur. dream was very violent towards tommy during all of this, threatening to kill him if he didn’t do as he said, blowing up an old house tommy and tubbo built, and saying that he could /never/ go back to l’manberg. tommy actually began hiding important items from dream so that he wouldn’t destroy them, as that was a common thing as well - he’d make tommy drop all of his items to dispose of them for good. there was one item he’d never drop, though, and that was a gift from ghostbur - it was a compass that pointed to the whitehouse in l’manberg called ‘your tubbo.’ similarly, tubbo also has a compass called ‘your tommy’ that pointed to logstedshire (the place where exiled tommy and dream would stay)(‘your tommy’ was destroyed, most likely by dream, and even though tubbo got a second one - tommy doesn’t stay in logstedshire for long)
dream unfortunately found out about this as well, and the. disposing of all of his hidden items. and after 11 days of experiencing all of this with dream, tommy left to find somewhere much safer, ultimately deciding to make a burrow under technoblade and philzas house, as no one in the smp except them had known its location.
he thought he could stay hidden but techno found him literally the next day after being hunted by the butcher army that quackity had built, and being ordered for execution in l’manberg only to be saved by a totem of undying and escaping l’manberg through the sewers with the help of dream. (it’s worth noting that philza was also captured, is now on house arrest, AND was almost forced to watch another one of his sons die right in front of him) and guess when all of that happened???? DEC 16th. also everyone in l’manberg now thinks tommy is dead and they’re planning a funeral for him because they saw some sort of explosion debris that somehow links to tommy(i think it was blown up logstedshire)
techno and tommy then formed an alliance in order to get back technos stolen items (the butchers from l’manberg took everything) as well as rescue phil, and to get tommy’s disc back. i’m doing this, techno revealed a secret room that no one but himself knew about prior, revealing to tommy a room full of wither skulls and a full set of netherite armor, uttering the fucking ICONIC line ‘welcome home, theseus’ and therefore referencing the last big event, showing that tommy has made progress since then (at least in the eyes of technoblade)
so tommy stays with techno with more visits from ghostbur, and visits from dream - although tommy has hidden during both of his visits with invis potions. techno is set on protecting tommy now, and tommy is still struggling with trying to separate himself from dream. the first time dream visits it’s with techno, and techno convinces him that tommy isn’t at his house. dream also points out that techno owes him a favor bc he saved him in l’manberg. the second visit is when ghostbur was there, and ghostbur slips up quite a lot when interacting with dream. dream reveals he knows tommy isn’t dead and that he’s with techno somehow, and i think that’s just about it
one last thing worth noting is that this story is almost always looking at the fans for inspiration and has included a lot of fan theories into the canon (techno and wilbur being twins, and most notably the ‘welcome home, theseus’ line) so i’d highly recommend in participating in fan stuff as much as you can! there’s also just a lot of creative people in the fandom if you stay out of the weird side lol. but with that, i think that’s about all of the lore as of now
(i wrote all of this from midnight to 3 am so i am so sorry if i forgot things and i’m sorry about spelling mistakes)
#dream team#dream smp#sbi#sleepy boys inc#dream#georgenotfound#sapnap#wilbur soot#tommyinnit#technoblade#philza#quackity#karl jacobs#nihachu#l’manberg#pogtopia#manberg#badboyhalo#skeppy#tubbo#minecraft#mcyt#dream smp in a nutshell#i’m so tired i’ve spent the last 3 hours writing all of this
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Wicked Games (Chapter 21)
“Every time I look into your eyes I see it, you’re all I need.” - Daniel Caesar
It was now Thursday and the team was huddling together during a timeout. We were in the middle of our game against our rivals, Bearmount College.
Not only is Bearmount College a traditioned rival to our school, since we both typically are always battling it out for the top spot in the conference in almost every sport. There was also an extra level added for our pride because Coach Tommy and Bearmount’s head coach played in college together. For me though, the biggest reason why I take this game so seriously is because their top guard is my own personal college rival.
Hanna Grace. Don’t let the name fool you, she does not have much grace to her. She is cocky and overly aggressive. Her play style is completely different from mine. I like to beat people with my technical skills, she likes to beat people mentally. I have to give credit where it is due though, she is phenomenally talented at what she does. She has incited numerous fights and has personally caused multiple people to get suspended throughout her career. I would imagine much of Bearmount’s success is linked to how she is able to manipulate and distract her opponents into making reckless, emotional mistakes.
She is one of those players that does everything she can to get under your skin. She talks to you the whole entire game, biting on every insecurity you may have. If you make a mistake, she won’t let you forget it. She constantly swipes at your arms in a very subtle manner that most referees do not notice because it is when you don’t have the ball in your hands. However, when you do have the ball in your hands, she is not afraid to get in your personal space, screaming at you, and if she fouls you, she fouls you hard. The whole forty minutes she pushes you physically and mentally.
I dread, but also look forward to playing her every year. She is a senior same as me, so I have dealt with her my entire college career. I have won some against her and she has won some against me. To me, the real victory is being able to get through the game without losing my cool. Aside from one time my sophomore year, I have been able to accomplish that.
Ever since I started getting really successful on the court during my sophomore year she has taken a special interest in making my life hell. I learned the hard way that year that the girl does her research. She brought up the fact that my mother had cancer during a game. In response, I got in her face and started yelling at her. For the first time in my life I wanted to punch someone, but luckily I held back. She did enough to earn me a technical (my only technical of my career), but it didn’t go any further than that. I thought something like cancer should be an off limits topic, but Hanna is ruthless, nothing is off limits to her if she can gain a special edge and help her team to a win.
Although I have only truly been affected by her once, I was worried for this game. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride this past month so I am not so confident I will be able to keep calm. I normally consider myself one of the best in the game at keeping my composure, but against her, anything can happen.
We were up by five with one minute left in the first half. Despite the lead, I had been playing mediocre by my standards and Hanna was enjoying every moment of it. I had kept my composure well so far, but I could not deny that she was starting to wear on me. Her aggravatingly high pitched, but stern voice had not been quieted since the game started. She was in my ear whether I was on offense or she was on offense. I was amazed that she could even make time to breathe.
The refs were not calling many reaching fouls either and Hanna was taking advantage of that. Her arms and hands were all over me any time I had the ball in my palms, which was making it much more difficult to keep hold of the ball and run through our plays successfully.
“Camila!”
I looked up at Coach Tommy who had just yelled my name, realizing I had completely zoned out and missed everything he was telling our team. He looked at me with a mix of frustration and understanding.
He quickly strode towards me, putting an arm around my neck and angling me away from the rest of the girls so only I could hear what he said. “Is she starting to get to you?” he asked more softly than I would have expected. Coach was just as antsy as me when it came to playing against their star player. After four years, he understood as well as anybody else how much importance I placed on this game and besting one particular girl on the other team.
I hated to admit it, but she was starting to get to my head. I had missed my past three shot attempts and in our most recent offensive possession I had turned the ball over on an awry pass that was deflected by Hanna. I could hear her calling me ‘weak’ over and over again in my mind.
The refs blew their whistles signaling the end of timeout. Coach Tommy pulled out of his arm lock, but put his hand on my shoulder, demanding my full attention.
“You can either give her what she wants and believe all the nasty things she is saying about you, or you can believe in yourself and how great you can be and achieve what you want.”
I nodded at him, feeling his belief in me. Getting down on myself was only feeding into her hands. It would only benefit her, which is the opposite of what I want to happen.
The refs blew their whistles again, growing impatient with our stalling. I made eye contact with Coach Tommy’s dark blue eyes and nodded, letting him know I was mentally back in this game. He smiled and gave me a thumbs up with one his large hands. I turned and ran back out to the court with a newfound determination.
I stood in the right corner, watching Normani bring the ball down the court, putting two fingers in the air, signaling for our play called “Two”. Two posts go set a high ball screen at the top of the key for Mani. One post goes on the left side and one post goes on the right side. This play is rather simple for my position because the other two guards space out in the corners to be outlets if needed. The play begins once Mani makes her choice on which post screen she wants to use.
I was waiting for Mani to make that decision when Hanna’s irritating voice reached my ears.
“Too scared to have the ball in your hands again?”
That was a sly comment meant to dig at my pride and remind me of my recent mistakes. Before our timeout that would have bothered me, but since talking to Coach Tommy I felt much calmer. Besides, that comment was extremely tame in comparison to a lot of other things Hanna has said to me before. I didn’t even give her a glance.
Mani did an in and out move faking to her right and then crossed over to use Dinah’s screen on the left. Her defender got completely caught on Dinah’s brick wall of a screen, which forced Dinah’s defender to step out on Mani. The very moment she did that though, Dinah slipped towards the basket. Mani faked a pass to Emily in the corner, making Dinah’s man jump slightly to the right just enough to create an opening for Mani to give Dinah a beautiful bounce pass. Hanna tried to help over but by the time she got there it was too late, and even if she did get there in enough time I would have been wide open in the corner for a three. Dinah scored an easy left handed layup.
We weren’t given much time to be happy about that though because Hanna quickly threw an outlet pass from out of bounds to another guard on her team who sprinted up the court in transition, making an incredibly arching pass over my head to her teammate that was running down the opposite side of the court. Mani was there at the basket, preventing her from getting an open look, but the Bearmount guard performed a hesitation move, impressively finishing the contested layup.
Missy inbounded the ball to Normani and she lightly jogged up the court. Coach Tommy was yelling out instructions and tapping the top of his head, which means he wants us to slow down and run the clock out. The team went into their positions for the play Coach was calling for.
Mani tried to come in my direction, but her defender cut her off, purposely forcing her towards Emily’s side.
Mani drove towards the left wing and Emily dropped down to the block, making a V cut running up towards the opposite elbow to set a screen for Missy. Missy ran over top the screen, sprinting across the paint towards the block Emily just left. Unfortunately, her defender snuffed it out and she was not open for a pass.
Dinah from the other elbow stepped over to set a screen for Emily so that she could sprint up to the top of the key. She was only open for a small moment, but Normani was able to funnel a dagger to her that only Emily could catch.
Dinah set a screen on Emily’s right side, which she was subsequently about to use when her Bearmount defender stepped out and made a literal wall with her body, totally attempting to send Emily back to her left. They must have scouted this play because they knew exactly where we wanted to go with the ball. Emily made a freshman mistake and tried to force her way to the right anyway, but lost control of the ball as her defender swiped at it. Her and the Bearmount player got tied up and luckily, she held on long enough for the refs to blow their whistles and call a jump ball. It was still our possession.
I looked up at the shot clock, noting that we only had fifteen seconds left as we set up our sideline out of bounds play. Once again I was hanging out in the right corner, getting out of the way. The play was ran through, but nobody was open enough to get a comfortable pass. Eventually, Mani was able to get a risky long pass over to the left side of the court above the three point line. She drove towards the basket, but was cut off by a help side defender around the block. She quickly retreated back out to the wing.
“Ten, Nine, Eight!” our bench began screaming how much time was left on the shot clock. The play had broken down so I needed to get the ball in my hands. I swung my arms in the air, signaling to Normani to make a cross court pass to me.
I caught the ball on the right wing, with Hanna a mere inch from me defending, lifting her arm to swipe at my right hand once. I pivoted away from her, avoiding that strike.
“Five! Four!”
I started slowly dribbling towards the left, pretending to be looking for a hand-off from Emily who was standing at the top of the key, but then I quickly went into a crossover between my legs that Hanna bought and paid for. She lost her balance for a moment, not ready for my sudden change in direction, and I was able to dribble past her. I appeared to have an easy layup ahead of me, but just when I jumped off the floor, I felt a hard shove on my back and a stinging smack across my arm. I went down to the ground, hard.
I looked up, watching the ball roll around the rim and out as the shotclock buzzer went off. I missed, but heard the whistles from the refs, calling the obvious shooting foul.
“This is real basketball,” Hanna hissed at me as I laid on the ground, pain shooting from the knee I landed with all of my weight on against the floor.
For some reason, Hanna has always been of the opinion that I don’t play what she considers real basketball. She grew up in the inner city of Los Angeles, so she is accustomed to street style play. To her, I cannot handle aggressive opponents. Maybe that was true when I was a young freshman, but now I have no problem with that.
Why she is so narcissistic to think her form of basketball is the superior form of basketball, I don’t know.
Dinah and Missy rushed over to me and each one grabbed a hand of mine and helped me up.
I got up with a terrible pain and soreness emanating from my knee. I limped towards the free throw line. I stretched my leg, and bent it back and forth, trying to shake out the discomfort. Coach Tommy called to me, asking if I needed a sub, and I shook my head at him. No way was I coming out of this game and no way was I giving Hanna that satisfaction.
I went through my free throw routine. I spun the ball and dribbled it twice very quickly before going into my shooting form. I missed.
“Really Cabello? Can’t take a hit?” Hanna chimed in from my left using the wrong accent.
I clenched my jaw for a moment. The fellow senior purposely pronounced my name wrong just to irritate me more. It’s so small and stupid and yet it works. I am used to my name being mispronounced, but when you hear your name intentionally said wrongly about a hundred times in the span of one game, it starts to tug on your nerves.
“Quiet, 23,” the ref under the basket finally scolded her. A small smile reached my lips as I finally experienced some quiet.
I shook my leg out once more, the pain starting to subside slightly. The ball was passed back to me and this time I made sure to slow down and take my time. I took a deep breath, went through my routine, and then paused for a moment, making sure to bend my legs and then took my shot. Swish.
I ran back on defense for what I presumed to be the last possession of the first half. There were now sixteen seconds left and surely Bearmount was going to utilize the entire clock.
They started running through their play when their point guard lost control of the ball and it ricocheted off of her shin in my direction.
The ball was rolling across the floor and both me and the point guard from Bearmount dove on the floor to get it. We got on top of each other, fighting for control of the ball, until the refs blew their whistles to call a jump ball.
Hanna ran over and helped her teammate up, her high ponytail swishing from side to side. “Oh don’t worry, I know she loves that girl on girl action, that little lesbian,” she laughed to her teammate, motioning in my direction.
I smiled sardonically and shook my head in disbelief. How did she always know the perfect thing to say to poke the fire? I pushed my palms against the wood and got up from the ground.
Since we got the ball last jump ball, it was Bearmount College’s possession still. There was only nine seconds left now, however.
That means one thing. Hanna Grace is getting the ball.
I was proven right immediately when the ball was inbounded directly to her. She dribbled to the left wing calling for her teammates to clear out. I kept my eyes on her midsection, focusing on her body language so I could anticipate her next move.
She smoothly and easily crossed over between her legs twice, getting extremely low to the ground, waiting for me to slip up. I kept my footing and stayed solidly in the center of her body, angled slightly towards the baseline where my help defense is.
She dribbled towards the left for a moment, getting me to shift my feet, and then threw the ball behind her back. I assumed she would drive all the way to the basket. I assumed wrong.
I sprinted to get back in front of her and rushed to beat her to the basket. Only problem was that she didn’t go to the basket. She performed another behind the back along with a small step back once she reached the free throw line. I didn’t anticipate that, so I was too far back to reach her as she jumped in the air with her arm bent into her shooting form. She went through the motion and the ball went through the net as the buzzer went off.
She left her follow through in the air just to be a cocky jerk. One side of her mouth was lifted in a tight smile of disdain. “Too easy, Cabello! Too easy!”
I let my head drop for just a moment. She didn’t break my ankles, but it was nearly just as humiliating. Dinah put a hand on my shoulder as we jogged back towards the locker room. “You’ll stop her next time,” she encouraged me.
Back in the locker room, Coach Tommy went through his half time talk, making adjustments to our game plan. Our new emphasis for the second half is to feed it inside because Bearmount’s posts are weak in comparison to Dinah and Missy. Simultaneously, our trainer was poking and stretching my knee, applying some sort of tissue pain relief cream that smelled terrible. My knee was already turning a deep shade of purple, but honestly a bruise is nothing to really fret over because it could be something much worse.
“Are you just gonna let her push you like that?” Lauren exclaimed suddenly. I am not sure when she got here, but Lauren was seated at the locker to my right. My guess was she was referring to Hanna.
I had not spoken to Lauren once since Tuesday unless I had to because of basketball. It was nice being the one ignoring her for a change. Although my heart would still beat excitedly every time she attempted to speak to me, I would always remember the Matt situation, and it would immediately dampen those feelings. That gave me the courage and motivation to not respond to her. Maybe it was petty, but it was the best way I could think of to keep myself from forgetting that she is bad for me. I don’t trust myself to stay away from her and not see the fantasy version of her I created in my own mind. Instead, I keep the memory of her kissing Matt, the memory of her public declaration for him, and the memory of how guilty she looked when Keana exposed her at the forefront of my brain. If any other memories of good times between us tried to fight their way to the surface, I would cut them off immediately by flashing to the ones that hurt me.
“Hello?!” Lauren waved her hand in front of my face with clear agitation because I didn’t respond.
I looked at her coldly for just a moment and then looked back at the white board, pretending to focus on the play Coach Tommy had written on there. A simple, “yeah,” was all I gave her, which was even more than I wanted to offer.
She groaned and grumbled some words under her breath that I could not hear. Then she got up and left me alone at last.
I came out of halftime with my game stepped up to a higher level, but so did Hanna. Most of the possessions were like a chess match between us two. She was hitting buckets that shouldn’t go in and I was reading defenses like a book, making the right passes and taking the best shots.
It was the beginning of the fourth period and we were only up by three now. Our team was setting up our zone defense before Bearmount’s in bounds play started when Hanna shoulder checked me on her way to pass the ball in.
“Oops,” Hanna lipped with heavy sarcasm.
“Watch yourself, Grace,” Lauren threatened out of nowhere, appearing next to me.
Hanna stopped in her tracks and turned to the raven haired girl. “Oh, this doesn’t involve you sweetie.” Hanna spoke with a sing-song tone as though she was speaking to a child.
“She is my teammate so actually I am involved,” Lauren fearlessly stepped up to her.
“Who are you again? I don’t even think you were on the scouting report,” Hanna dismissed her and started walking again towards out of bounds.
I could already tell that comment had my teammate boiling by the furrowed eyebrows, stiffened body, and slightly popped open mouth about to respond with something equally nasty. Feeling like a parent reprimanding their child, I yelled, “Lauren!”
Her head snapped in my direction as I realized this was the first time I had directly addressed her in days.
“Stop. She’s not worth it,” I told her, doing my best to abate and deescalate the situation. Lauren nodded, but I could recognize that Hanna had already gotten to her with that one comeback. I quickly leaned over to her and whispered in her ear, “You’re playing amazing, don’t let her get to you.”
It was true. Lauren was playing one of her best games in a long time. She was on a roll, having just recently scored her fourth three-pointer of the game. If I wasn’t so mad at her, I would have been proud. I could not allow Hanna to mess with her confidence because this game was still close. Even if Hanna wasn’t lying like I presumed she was and Lauren wasn’t on the scout, she clearly should have been.
The ref handed the ball to Hanna to get their in bounds play started, so I had no more time to chit chat.
A few more minutes went on when Lauren hit a shot that was suspiciously close to the shot clock buzzer. None of us, including the referees, were quite sure if she had gotten the shot out of her hands in time or not.
We were all standing around, waiting as the refs reviewed the play using the monitors at the scores table. Of course, this was prime opportunity for Hanna to come bother me some more. She stepped up beside me. I braced myself for for more onslaughts, but she didn’t say anything for a minute or so, like she was just trying to annoy me with her presence. I was thankful though, because it was her damn voice that drove me insane, I could deal with her bad smell for a few minutes just fine. Then she had to go and ruin the quaint silence.
“Heard you and your girl broke up.”
That got my attention. I looked at her, my nostrils flaring at the mention of Emma.
She grinned triumphantly, seeing that she had finally won a reaction from me. “Oh.. sore subject?” Hanna’s voice dripped with fake sympathy. Her dark and long eyelashes fluttered with joy. “My condolences.” She over dramatically put a hand over her heart, feigning like she cared.
“Shut up,” I spoke through gritted teeth.
“Oh Cabello, why do you want me to shut up? Are you worried I’ll bring up the reason you two split?”
It was finally working. Hanna had found an angle that she could crack me open and mess around with my insides with.
“I heard she didn’t want you anymore. She finally realized that you’re nothing. Good for her.”
If smoke could fly out of my ears like in the cartoons, they would be in this moment. The game temporarily faded from my mind. I stalked towards her, staring her dead in the face with no fear. I was daring her to try something. She flinched backwards slightly, but only for a moment, keeping up her tough facade.
“You’re all bark and no bite,” I snarled.
She narrowed her eyes at me, but the arrogant smirk didn’t leave. “I know you’re probably desperate for a rebound, but I’m not gay, so could you please get out of my personal space?” she finished with a small shove to my shoulders.
We were standing close to the Bearmount bench so when Hanna shoved me a few of her teammates stood from their chairs and started talking excitedly, egging her on.
She was certainly very brave for shoving me like that. Most people in my position would have started swinging, but I am not most people. I knew what she was doing, she was trying to provoke me into doing something stupid that would have repurcussions. Something that would get me ejected from the game and possibly suspended. My team needed me in the game, not to get in a useless fight. Although I was pissed off and wanted nothing more than to punch her so hard that she could never smirk again, I was not going to let her get the best of me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same for another dark headed brunette on our team.
“Get the hell off of her!” I heard Lauren growl from behind me. I turned to see her charging towards us and before I could stop her, she shoved Hanna so hard she nearly fell backwards past the sideline into her bench.
I didn’t even have time to enjoy the sight of that because that is when all hell broke loose. Bearmount’s bench erupted. From the corner of my eye I could see multiple players running towards Lauren. Hanna was rushing back towards her too, with her arm wound up, ready to punch. I wasn’t about to let that happen, especially after Lauren had just come to my defense. I crossed the distance between me and Lauren as fast as lightning, wrapping my arms around her, basically picking her up, and started pushing her back to our side of the court. As I wrapped my arms around her, I felt a slight pain on the back of my head and realized it must have been Hanna who was in the process of punching Lauren, until I got in the way just in time. Instead I got punched in the back of the head. I ducked, hoping to avoid anymore hits.
Lauren was fighting me every inch of the way and hurling swear words at the other team. I had seen the green eyed’s temper before, but never in this capacity. She was like a rabid dog and started swiping at my arms and screaming at me to let her go.
I could hear yelling, but I had no idea what was going on behind me. To be honest though, I didn’t care. My only objective at the moment was calming Lauren down. “Lauren,” I spoke sternly, trying to gain her attention. That didn’t work, she was still looking everywhere but at me. I put my hands on either side of her face and firmly, but more softly this time said, “Lauren, Lauren, look at me.”
When she finally did what I asked and green met brown, I collectedly assured her, “It’s ok, I’m ok, calm down.”
To my surprise, Lauren instantly relaxed. For a moment, there was an unfamiliar tenderness in her eyes while she was looking at me. Despite the chaos of what was going on, my knees started feeling weak as I got lost in what felt like a trance looking into Lauren’s eyes. My heart started beating uncontrollably fast as we just stared at each other. I had all of her attention and I was addicted to that. I was relapsing quickly, getting high on her. My eyes could not help but to find their way to her full lips.
A very loud whistle from a ref snapped me out of it and I finally realized my hands were still resting on her cheeks. I quickly removed them and took a step back from Lauren, confident that she wouldn’t try anything else. I turned to my left to see Coach Tommy walking up to us with an upset look on his face. He immediatey huddled us back to the bench and yelled at us to stay there as he ran back out towards the court where now I could see there was two groups being separated.
Dinah was being held back by Normani, Jamie, and CG, while on the other side Hanna and six other Bearmount players were being held back by their coaches. The refs were in the middle of the two groups, mediating the situation.
Lauren and I shared a look like 'holy shit, what did we do’.
Ally placed a hand on my shoulder and her, along with the rest of our team on the bench started asking us questions about if we were ok and what happened out there. We both tried to answer the questions, but there was still so much commotion going on that I couldn’t focus.
I couldn’t make out what Dinah was saying, but she was screaming her head off back and forth with the group of Bearmount players all by herself.
Eventually, everyone was separated and dragged back to their respective benches. Dinah was pacing by the water cooler, ranting to Normani. Coach Tommy’s head was so red I thought it might explode and CG was yelling at Lauren by the gym doors at the top of her lungs. I understood why they were furious with Lauren, but I was feeling the complete opposite emotion. I was flattered.
She cares.
Yeah, maybe it is not in the way I want, but I have lost sight of the fact that she does care about me as a person. It’s not fair that just because I have feelings for her that she can’t reciprocate, that I should cut her out and ignore her. Yes, it will be extremely difficult for me to be friends with her, but the least I should do is try.
It did not take long for the refs to come to the decision to eject Hanna, Lauren, and three of Bearmount’s bench players. It is an NCAA rule that if a bench player steps on the court for any reason during a fight, they are automatically ejected. Luckily for us, none of our bench players stepped on the court, mainly due to the quick thinking of CG and our trainer, who held everybody back.
The rest of the game went on relatively without a hitch. The tension and aggression levels were still pretty high, but without Hanna on the floor, Bearmount stood no chance against us. They have no one else on their team that can match her level of obnoxious intensity.
We all sat around in the locker room after the game, everyone abuzz with the events of the game. I, on the other hand, was sitting quietly in my locker, somberly reflecting on everything that had occurred. I was proud of myself for how I handled the nuisance that was instigating and prodding at my anger, but things she had said, particularly about Emma, left me feeling down. I was elated that we won the tumultuous game, but I was not impressed with how I performed.
I looked to my right to find Lauren sitting at her locker with an almost equally crestfallen expression. For a small moment I wanted to get up and go hug her, but then I remembered the prior week’s events and re-centered. Still, I needed to speak with her.
I trudged over to her, slightly nervous. I was still shocked that she came to my defense the way she did and conflicted about how I should approach our friendship with the feelings that I have. I still had not decided whether I should be glad for what Lauren did or angry at her for it either.
I cleared my throat. “Hey.”
The pale faced Junior looked up at me. Her mouth twitched slightly as she blinked at me, but her facial expression did not change much. “Hi,” she spoke delicately.
I sighed, scratching the back of my neck and feeling awkward. “I just wanted to say thank you. You stuck up for me and I wanted to let you know that I appreciated that.”
Lauren’s eyebrows raised slightly, astonished. “You’re welcome.” Her eyebrows went back down as she crossed her arms and continued, “That girl is just jealous of you.”
I scoffed and shook my head, not believing that for a moment.
She made eye contact with me subsequently after my dismissal and added, “What’s there not to be jealous of?”
I stared at her and she stared at me. My mouth dried at the flirtatious undertone of what she had just said. 'Wait, no’ I thought to myself, 'she is just being nice’. Here I go again, trying to believe in this fantasy version of Lauren, trying desperately to assume that every look she gives me is filled with love or desire, and every thing she says to me has a seductive motivation. 'Stop being delusional’ I censured myself.
“Um.. thanks,” I responded before quickly spinning around to go back to my locker and leave my delusions in the dust.
Coach Tommy gave us all a long and critical talk in our post-game meeting. He understood Lauren’s response completely, as most everyone did. Many heads nodded in agreement when Coach expressed that sentiment, however he was disappointed in how she had handled her feelings of anger toward Hanna Grace, as well as her need to protect her teammate.
To my resentment, Coach made an example out of me. He told our entire team that how I handled the situation should be how everybody handled a situation like that. I felt bad for Lauren because I could tell she felt like no one was supporting her or coming to her defense, so I did.
I raised my hand and once Coach Tommy saw me, he nodded in my direction, giving me permission to talk. “Lauren had my back like a real teammate today. Sure, it is unfortunate that we might lose her for a couple games over this, but I know now that Lauren is loyal to this team and willing to defend all of us if someone should try to bring us down. I trust her as a teammate more than ever now and I just felt like that needed to be said.”
I was relieved to see most of the other heads in the locker room nod in agreement. I chose not to look at Lauren because who knew what kinds of feelings that might stir up inside of me.
Soon enough, the talks were over and we were all free to go home for the night. I was relieved because I needed to work on my Neuroanatomy project tonight.
I changed my clothes, packed up all of my stuff, and said my goodbyes to my teammates. Exiting the locker room door, I turned the corner of the hallway to head for the parking lot doors. Leaning up against the wall with one foot propped up was none other than Hanna Grace. Her jet black hair was put up in a messy bun. Her duffel bag was lying on the floor next to her and she was in normal clothes. Nike leggings covered her long, athletic legs, and a basic Bearmount College basketball sweatshirt, covered her upper body. She smirked with contempt as soon as she saw me.
It did not take long before she had something to say. “Was that your new girlfriend coming in to fight your battles for you?”
It was like she had been waiting for me and had prepared that line. She truly is one of the most annoying people I have ever come across. “With how weak your punch was, I don’t think it would have been much of a battle for me,” I countered.
She laughed bitterly, nodding in approval to my comeback. She had one of her own though. “Does the rest of your team know about your new romance?”
My jaw clenched slightly, but I smiled, pretending to be completely unfazed.
“Want me to tell them? I can spread the good news for you,” she continued.
I laughed at that comment. The threat was real, but I was unconcerned because I knew my team would never believe her anyways considering she is the source. I relaxed completely knowing she had zero leverage against me and I had come out victorious tonight. The girl was now grasping at straws to edge out a mental victory, but I was not going to allow that for her. I realized in this moment that I truly had bested her today, considering she was going to these kinds of lengths to try to get to me after the game.
“Have a good night, Hanna.”
I waved her goodbye and strolled out of the building into the cold breeze of the night.
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Wattpad: mothertruckin
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What I Love This Week
This week was a good one. James turned 4 months old, had a healthy 4-month checkup at the pediatrician, and we marked the four year anniversary of It Was Me All Along! Oh and I changed out of my pajamas and into what many would consider to be “normal” clothes on 4 out of the 7 days, which was really something. To celebrate, I’m starting a new series here where I share all of my recent favorites: things I’ve read, watched, listened to, bought, eaten…you get the idea. Here goes nothing:
Read
“The Weight I Carry: What it’s like to be too big in America” by Tommy Tomlinson This piece in The Atlantic is an excerpt from his forthcoming book The Elephant in the Room: One Fat Man’s Quest to Get Smaller in a Growing America https://amzn.to/2RlFzRv (you can preorder now; it comes out 1/15/19). It’s sincere and moving and so, so worth the read:
“I’ve never been anything but fat. Is there something in the fat version of me that also makes me likable and creative and a decent human being? Are the best parts of me all knotted up with the worst? Is there some way to untangle it and keep just the good stuff? Most of the time I think of my fat as a husk—something I have to shed so the best part of me can come out. But sometimes I wonder if I’m more like the shells you find on the beach, where the outer part is the attraction, and the animal inside is dull and shapeless.”
Daily Annoyances for Most People Are Catastrophic for Poor People by Linda Tirado My mother has held at least two jobs for as long as I can remember. I cannot say that I know what it’s like to be dirt poor, but I do know what it’s like to struggle, to have your one family car repossessed, and to worry regularly about the lights getting turned off. All this to say, I have a tremendous amount of compassion for anyone who struggles financially. This article is an excerpt from Linda Tirado’s book, Hand to Mouth: Living in Bootstrap America and it’s both necessary and devastating.
“It is impossible to be good with money when you don’t have any. Full stop. If I’m saving my spare five bucks a week, in the best-case scenario I will have saved $260 a year. For those of you that think in quarters: $65 per quarter in savings. If you deny yourself even small luxuries, that’s the fortune you’ll amass. Of course you will never manage to actually save it; you’ll get sick at least one day and miss work and dip into it for rent. Gas will spike and you’ll need it to get to work. You’ll get a tear in your work pants that you can’t patch. Something, I guarantee you, will happen in three months.
When I have a few extra dollars to spend, I can’t afford to think about next month—my present day situation is generally too tight to allow me that luxury. I’ve got kids who are interested in their quality of life right now, not 10 years from now.”
Watch
90 Day Fiancé Just before I had James, I got sucked into the madness that is 90 Day Fiancé on TLC. And once I gave birth, I sped through 5 seasons in a blur. The show is fascinating, to say the least. If you’re not familiar, it’s about men and women who fall in love with people who live in other countries (sometimes they meet while on vacation or on a religious mission, but most often they meet on online dating sites) and through a K1 Visa, the fiancé is able to come to the U.S. for 90 days. They must marry within that timeframe or else the fiancé must leave the country. I suppose what’s most consuming about the show is trying to determine how real these relationships really are and what led these people to them in the first place.
Listen
Armchair Expert podcast I’ve been listening to podcasts for 11 years now, which translates loosely to me considering myself a bit of a podcast connoisseur. I’ve listened to thousands of shows and episodes on topics that range from comedy to health to parenting. I discovered the Armchair Expert podcast, hosted by actor/comedian Dax Shepard, at the start of 2018, and have since listened to every episode, falling completely in love in the process. As an interviewer, Dax is a natural. Whether he’s speaking with an actor friend or an expert in a given field (ethics, writing, parenting, etc.), he’s able to create a casual, comfortable conversation. He’s curious, thoughtful, and honest, all of which matter quite a bit to us listeners, especially since he’s not one to shy away from sensitive subjects. What I love most about Dax is that he’s endearingly human, quick to reveal his own flaws and to reconsider his own beliefs.
*Favorite episode: Jonathan Haidt
Wear
Nordstrom Moonlight Pajamas Up until this year, I spent every night of my life in pajamas that I can only describe as mortifying (Exhibit A (my favorite): an oversized t-shirt my parents got me on a trip to Canada in the mid-2000’s that read, “Somebody who loves me very much went to Calgary, Canada and got me this shirt,” and bumblebee-print pants). And while this feels very deeply ‘me,’ I’ve always wished I were someone who wore, I don’t know, nice pajamas I guess? The trouble was, every time I went to buy some, I pulled back, thinking of half a dozen other things I’d rather spend the money on. Then I had a baby, and started spending my entire life in pajamas, so I bought two pairs and I’ve never looked back. These pajamas are soft and comfortable while still being pretty darn good looking.
Find
Sunbeam Heated Throw Daniel has gotten me a lot of special gifts over the past 15-ish years, but I don’t know if I’ve ever liked any of them quite as much as the heated blanket he got me this year. Before your eyes roll all the way back in your head, wait! This could change your life.
For some reason (likely genetic poor circulation that’s been handed down to me), I get really cold as I fall asleep. Or at least I used to. But not anymore. I put this soft fleece blanket on top of the covers on my side of the bed and turn it on the “preheat” setting 10 or 15 minutes before bed. By the time I crawl in, it’s toasty. The blanket itself isn’t the prettiest thing in the world, but it has 10 heat settings and automatic shut-off after 10 hours. I use it every night!
Make
12 Healthyish Winter Recipes Sweet Potato Toast Superfood Green Smmothie Bowl 3 Ways to Cook Trader Joe’s Frozen Cauliflower Gnocchi (No Thawing Required) Chicken Cobb Lettuce Wraps
Note: This post contains a few affiliate links.
Source: http://www.andiemitchell.com/what-i-love-this-week/
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