#- is it feels like I'm getting a do-over on puberty which some of my old friends know was a very hard time in my life

[wannaeatramyeon]

Meeting Student!Gun Park for the First Time

G/N. 3.2k. Remember when Gun wanted to get his GED? Well. Stranger to~ Masterlists

"How old are you?"

"20."

Press X for doubt, you think, and that's the exact meme you send over on chat.

"20 like 20 or 20 like you're mid 30s and planning your mid life crisis 20?"

You know you're being rude and making a terrible first impression. It's the first day of a new school year, of a new school in fact, and for some reason the class is held on video call and you're all forced to pair off with a classmate for an icebreaker introduction.

It’s already cringe worthy and awkward enough, icebreakers must have been created as a form of torture. To add insult to injury, you're sure this guy is bullshitting you.

"I'm 20." He deadpans.

Momentarily, you’re stunned into silence. It stretches almost a tad too long before you manage to choke out, “My bad. Sorry."

Wow. You're torn between thinking that's a rough 20, this guy has easily got 40 years under his belt and oh no, when is your puberty and hormones gonna kick in like that.

And that's also the exact moment this 20 year old Gun Park takes a drag on a cigarette and you decide that it's definitely a rough 20.

"So what do you do for fun?" You probe, and you have the distinct feeling he might say something like alimony, planning his third marriage, investing in the stock market - whatever someone in their 50s might say but-

To your surprise and glee, his body language turns shifty. 

He likes to game he says, like it's a dirty little secret. Amongst other things. Mentions something about training and martial arts and you fight to keep a straight face as it turns out you were also right about investing in shares and the stock market.

Gaming, however, is what you latch on to.

"Cute. I bet I could kick your ass."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yes."

And this is how you ended up at 4am on a school night, playing Tekken with your new classmate and getting your ass kicked.

"One more!" You screech down the mic, after the KO sign appears on screen, mumbling something about cheating and how if you can time this combo just right-

There's a huff of laughter coming through your tinny headphones and an amused "Fine."

.

.

Dark circles under your eyes grow. It's been a week of straight losses.

You blame the sleep deprivation on Gun Park, though really you have your own stubbornness to blame.

He never tends to say much during the gaming sessions apart from the odd expletive and you rant enough after each of your defeats for the both of you.

Sometimes this will earn you a chuckle and he will snidely add that you asked for this, you were the one who was supposed to kick his ass. This would piss you off enough for another game or three in the hopes of defeating him and getting to gloat.

Which unfortunately has not happened yet.

With a sigh, you hope your camera quality this morning is bad enough and pixelated enough that your poor sleep habits don't show.

You scan over your classmates, the few that have their camera turned on and find him.

Gun looks completely fine. He looks completely fine in what must be 4k and ugh, you scrunch your nose up in annoyance.

You keep an eye on him through the class. Observe how he's usually paying rapt attention, scribbling and typing up notes every now and then.

It's impressive how studious he is.

In comparison, you're daydreaming. Thinking about lunch, other combos or characters to play to counter his own when you catch on to the back end of a sentence as your teacher mentions ‘this’ is something to pay attention to as it will be on the pop quiz.

Huh? You blink a couple times. What is ‘this’? Unfortunately she swiftly moves onto another topic.

You type out a direct message to the only person you know.

You: I missed that, what did she just say?

Gun: You should have been paying attention.

You: Fuck you man!

You see his eyes dip to the bottom of the camera screen, briefly moving as he presumably reads your message.

He smirks.

That night he kicks your ass again.

Then as consolation, reveals what will be on the pop quiz.

.

.

If Gun looked like that in 4k, nothing could prepare you for how he looked in real life.

You're setting up your laptop and notepad in the classroom, the first actual in-person session, when someone takes a seat next to you.

Initially you feel a surge of irritation that they could have sat anywhere else and chose to sit next to you, then you look at the offender and-

Hold on.

You double, triple-take-

Is that?

It must be.

Shit.

It's fucking Gun Park.

You don't entirely regret your initial comments on his looks because this guy definitely does not look 20 but goddamn he looks-

He chooses that moment, when your jaw is on the floor, to turn to you and give you a nod of acknowledgement.

"Y/N."

"H-hi." You manage, and even to your ears it sounds like a simpering fool.

He must have thought so too if the quirk of his lips is anything to go by.

The cherry on top is that you expected this guy to smell like stale smoke, instead all you get is fresh laundry and something faintly dark and heady like leather and cedarwood.

Fuck.

Control yourself, a disapproving voice in your head says. Even that sounds vaguely like Gun.

It does nothing to stop your wandering gaze, peering at him in your periphery when you think he's not looking.

After you have taken your chance to not so discreetly run your eyes up and down his form, the only thing that makes you feel better is his hair. Because yeah he might be hot, but holy shit that must be a gallon of hair gel in there.

.

.

The other thing, as it turns out, that makes you feel a lot better is that he doodles.

It’s utterly charming.

Someone like Gun Park doesn't look like he doodles, but in between lines of his chicken scratch (seriously, who can even read that), there's little stick figures.

Maybe all the time you thought he was being studious he was just drawing-

Wait. You squint at the picture.

Is this guy for real?

"Are they fucking?" You whisper, using your pen to point at the page.

He doesn't answer straight away. There's a moment of surprise as he reacts like this is another secret of his he has unwittingly let you in on before his nostril flares and his eyes narrow and you grin in response.

Your grin grows when he grits out an answer. "No. Fighting."

He doesn't call you a dumbass but you can hear it loud and clear tacked on at the end.

"Whatever, pervert." You counter. You guess if you squint even harder then you suppose they could be fighting. Although the way one is lying on top of another is very suggestive. You don't hesitate to point that out to him.

Gun closes his eyes and counts to ten.

.

.

Even without a seating plan, one forms.

Places taken by chance on the first day becomes a regular arrangement.

You exchange a few words with your classmates, familiarise yourself somewhat with their names and faces. Pieces of their backstory, why they're here studying for a GED but take your spot next to Gun regardless.

No one really talks to him, you've heard them saying he's menacing and intimidating. Yet when your first encounter of him was mistaking him as someone about to hit mid life crisis, how intimidating can he really be.

Besides, he still doodles his lewd figures that he insists are not in any way shape or form comprising sexual positions. So no, you don't find him intimidating at all.

.

.

Gun, as you have come to know, is a man of few words. He is also unsurprisingly not great at literature.

What you don't yet know is he likes to say what he means and mean what he says. His patience only extends to The Art of War, so all the flowery prose and poetry only serves to irritate him.

If Gun glared at you the way he's currently glaring at the textbook, you think you may either burst into tears or burst into flames.

Luckily you do neither of those things but you do take pity on him. Leaning over, you ask him quietly if he needs help.

He doesn't respond but the pen he's clutching in his right hand snaps in half.

Alright then.

Half an hour later, when the class empties out you ask Gun to follow you to the library.

He hesitates, and you add "if you've got time" to give him an out. In the end he doesn't take it and trudges obediently after you.

You very quickly learn that he really doesn't like literature. You're explaining and working him through the analysis and also mildly offended at the bored look on his face.

"This is a waste of time," he interjects and there's a sullen undercurrent to his words.

"Just memorise the analysis then." Exasperation tinges your tone, "That's all you need to do to pass."

He arches a brow at your words.

"They're testing your memory. So just remember what our teacher says."

There's an angry air of resignation as Gun nods, and you slide your notes over for him to copy.

.

.

Not long after, you have your first minor evaluation on the literature material.

You notice during the test that while the vein in Gun’s temple is prominent and he’s clutching his (new) pen tighter, there’s barely any pause as he fills in the answers.

A few days later, the graded papers are handed back. There's a sigh of relief from Gun.

He gives you a smile, small and genuine, eyes crinkling at the corner.

"You owe me one," you tell him jokingly though he takes it to heart and gives you a stern nod.

.

.

Gun repays his debt, with a coffee.

He places the paper cup on the desk in front of you. Logo of the coffee house to the side but still visible. It's new, expensive, and there’s regular lines around the block.

Of course it would be from there.

The issue is, who repays a debt with an espresso. He didn’t even ask for your drink of choice!

"Thanks for this thimble of coffee," you remark as Gun sniffs in distaste at your comment, placing his own matching cup in front of him and saying something about how it's the best untainted way to drink it.

Of course he would also be a coffee snob.

You tell him you usually like it with a bit more cream and a lot more sugar and he mutters that you sound like Goo.

You think that's an insult.

"Well, at least Goo has good taste," you snipe back with a grin.

Gun closes his eyes and counts to ten.

.

.

You: Are you doodling or actually writing notes?

You: Cos on camera you look very studious but I’ve seen your notepad

Gun: None of your business

You: Still drawing your disgusting pornographic stick men then

Gun: They are not-

Gun: Whatever

.

.

You: Ok, maybe that espresso wasn’t terrible

Gun: I know

You: Who’s Goo anyway?

Gun: …

Gun: No-one

You: Suuuure

.

.

You: Tekken tonight?

Gun: Aren’t you tired of getting your ass kicked?

You: >:(

.

.

You: Do you wanna go over the new lit material in the library this week?

Gun: Ok

.

.

Gun: Thanks for your help

You: :) 

.

.

Gun: You’re tired. You should game less.

You: Spoken like a coward!

Gun: Dumbass

You: Hey!!

.

.

Gun: I’ll bring you an espresso tomorrow. You need it.

You: Does it have to be an espresso?

Gun: Yes

You: …Thanks

.

.

To anyone else, the figure standing in the doorway is just smoking. To you, it suspiciously looks like they’re waiting.

It's not a crime. Gun Park can wait for whatever or whoever he wants.

What really throws you off is his smoking. You've seen him casually take one single drag before throwing the whole cigarette away. Even to you, it seems like a waste.

However, this time he smokes one all the way to the filter before stubbing it out. Then does the same to a second, and third.

Strange, very strange.

You approach him. Taking gentle steps, in case he might get spooked and bolt which is really a ridiculous notion for someone like him. Nevertheless, you keep your footsteps light, yourself clearly in view and you wander over to him.

"Hey," you say, with a somewhat forced smile. He doesn't acknowledge your greeting apart from a brief nod.

"... Everything ok?"

It's a perfectly normal question to ask but a vastly bizarre one for Gun. He doesn't look like the type of person where people casually enquire about his well being.

He must have thought so too if the look he gives you is anything to go by.

In response, he stubs out his cigarette (his fourth!) then asks, stilted and stiffly, if you want to come back to his for a game of Tekken.

At least that's what you interpret as he seems to be crazy cryptic.

"Are you interested in Tekken?"

"...Yes." You wonder what on earth this question is because did you hallucinate all those games you played together?

"Then meet me. After class." 

"Where? Here?"

"No. At mine."

"Where's that?"

"..."

He gives you another look, as if you're the one trying to coax a secret out of him despite him offering.

Gun dips forward, murmurs quietly into your ear his address and some vague directions like it's highly confidential information.

You nod along, thinking what is with this guy. 

.

.

So firstly, what the fuck.

Then secondly, what the fuck.

Don't think you hadn't noticed the designer brands Gun wears. If they're fakes, they're very convincing fakes. But you're almost certain they have got to be counterfeit when he brought you over to a junkyard claiming this is where he lives.

You've seen films like this. Granted, it's less in a junkyard and more in the middle of nowhere in America where college kids meet their gruesome ends in fantastical ways.

You never thought this would happen to you. You have sorely miscalculated. 

Is this Gun Park (if that even is his real name) going to butcher you and leave your body on top of a pile of scrap metal in the corner?

Instead of a night of gaming where you’re the one KO-ing him, he’s actually the one that’s going to chase you around wearing a mask and wielding a knife or axe?

"You’re here. Come in," Gun says, opening his front door just as your inner monologue begins to truly spiral out of control and you're considering doing a runner.

"Eh?" You grunt like an idiot, not noticing when the shack appeared nor when you stepped onto his porch, or the side eyes Gun had been giving you.

He gives you another look, likely regretting inviting you at all, and leaves the door ajar for you to either enter or turn back and go home.

.

.

"This is... nice," you lie, through the skin of your teeth.

Gun sees cleanly through your white lie and exhales a huff of amusement.

It's sparse. Peeks of luxury here and there - the extensive PC gaming rig, the entertainment system and consoles, to name a few.

Apart from that, it's barely a home.

"Take a seat." He offers, and it sounds more like an order. Obediently you sit on his sofa, feeling very much a guest.

"You're not in danger," he says, bemused at how awkward you are in his domain, how tense you hold yourself.

'That's exactly what a killer would say,' you think and when you hear a low chuckle, you realise that you said it aloud.

"Don't worry," Gun reassures and it doesn’t really help before he strides off to somewhere in his house and leaves you sitting alone.

He returns back minutes later as you’re in the middle of admiring his entertainment set up and going through his vinyl collection (because obviously someone like Gun has vinyls) with a coffee for you that looks much more milky and to your taste than the usual ones he offers. 

“Thanks.” you take your drink and return back to your seat.

Taking the first sip, you finally manage to relax. Sinking into a sofa that is much more comfortable than at first glance and you take in your surroundings a bit more.

Sort of. You actually take in Gun Park more. 

He’s casual, in a way you have never seen or even considered. Dressed in a t-shirt and grey sweatpants, hair floppy and the only styling is done with his hands running through his hair now and then to keep it back.

Even during the online classes, he is usually dressed up in an open collared shirt.

If you thought he was hot before, it’s nothing compared to now. There’s an air of domesticity, the drink he made for you cradled in your hands, and the distinct feeling that not many people have had the luxury to see Gun in his natural habitat, so intimate and vulnerable.

You wonder if this is how he looks all those nights you’ve been gaming together.

You catch his eyes, having been caught checking him out and he raises his eyebrows at your blatant staring. 

Blood rushes to your cheeks as he chuckles into his own espresso and takes a sip.

.

.

"Holy shit, I won!"

You're familiar with the KO screen. What you're not familiar with is being on the side of victory. You're usually a hair trigger away from rage quitting, from throwing a tantrum down the mic.

Finally. All your hard work has paid off. Time spent thinking of combos, attacks and defences (which would have been better spent studying) is coming to fruition.

You peer over to Gun, expect the controller he is clutching to maybe have been crushed into pieces with his freakish strength. Expected nothing except for a vein throbbing on his temple.

What you do find is-

Gun looking at you, fondness in his eyes. He's taking in your grin, letting your gloating slide.

Doesn't do more than roll his eyes when you perform a victory dance of sorts around him.

And when you get in his face to tell him that you're the winner, you're the best-

(More words are on the tip of your tongue but your gaze drops to his lip, drawn to the small smile he wears.

It sinks in.

The patience he has, the attention he gives, the way he has opened his home to you.

From the very first meeting, the even-handed way he has dealt with your insults, entertained you to the early hours of the morning on Tekken.)

Gun reaches out, tugs your hand and pulls you into his lap and agrees.

"Yes. The best."

You think it's a lie, an embellishment.

But the way he holds you - tender and precious, and the way he leans forward to rest his forehead against yours - soft, like you might break - can't be anything else but the whole truth.

[revolu]

I'm dropping (a bit old) john laurens yap here. Please correct anything you must + provide the source.

and we know very limited about John but whatever !!

Laurens was described by Hamilton to have honey blonde hair when clean. His hair was generally said to be light brown/blonde. As seen on portraits, he had soft features, blue eyes, and a big nose. He was described to be very handsome, and IMO I agree!! We don't know exactly how tall he was, but he was most likely over 6 feet. One day before Laurens' 15th birthday, his father wrote to James Grant; ''my Little Jack, now as big as I am...'' (Jack being John's nickname). We don't know Henry Laurens' height, but if he was as tall as Henry at 15, he certainly grew to be taller. In 1778, Henry wrote to John ''A Taylor has cut off as much of your Scarlet as will make he says a Wascoat for 6 feet 3 inches...'' which suggests that John could have been 6'3. It's not clear what exactly Henry means in the letter but as said, John was probably over 6 feet. Laurens was one of the strongest abolitionists of the time despite coming from one of the bigger slave plantations and growing up where slavery was normal. John could speak English, French, Italian, Greek, Spanish and Latin. We know that he was fluent in English and French but we don't know about his fluency in the other languages.

Laurens got Martha Manning pregnant and ended up marrying her out of pity (supposedly to protect her reputation too and to keep illegitimacy of their child.) He wrote to his uncle ''...Pity has obliged me to marry...'', When Laurens left for war, he left his pregnant wife in another country. When John was chosen by congress to be a special minister to France and had him travel there, Martha traveled with their daughter to reconnect with him upon hearing about his arrival in France. But John supposedly made no effort whatsoever to visit them; he completed his mission and went back to America. Martha later died during the trip and their daughter, Frances, was sent to live with her aunt.

John Laurens is believed to have been gay... The man didn't seem to express any attraction towards women, though I think his sexist beliefs played a role in this, as well as his lack of effort to humble his wife. His letters to Alexander Hamilton, and Francis Kinloch also suggest he had an eye for men... ESPECIALLY Kinloch's and his correspondence.

Henry Laurens wrote ''Master Jack is too closely wedded to his studies to think about any of the Miss Nanny's''. But it's important to note that he was a teenager at that time and not every teen develops those feelings at the same time. But I would imagine that since he was as tall as his father at 15, he was early in puberty... Romantic/sexual feelings usually come with puberty, but what do we know? Anyways. John expressed a lot of sexist opinions, even towards his own sisters, which can be read in letters. Most men were sexist, but John seemed to be more ''strict'' on the subject... This definitely plays a part in his supposed ''homosexuality''.

John hid the fact that he had a wife and child from Hamilton for nearly two years. Why? The reason is unknown. It's only up to debate. My guess is that he just wanted to try to ''forget'' them in some way, seeing as he literally left them... Why would you bring up that you have a family that you abandoned? But maybe it was because he never found the right time to tell him, or was it to get a better chance with Hamilton? We will never know, sadly. But what we DO know, is that Laurens referred to his wife as ''dear girl'', and Hamilton, and supposedly ONLY Hamilton, as ''Dear boy''. We know for a fact that Hamilton was close to Laurens and was special to him, but why did he call his wife that? Out of pity? He didn't necessarily show any real attraction towards her... But whatever the reason is, it's kinda cute.

We know that Henry Laurens was emotionally manipulative of John, which is like read in letters... So there is no denying that, really. BUT John was close to his father, attachment issues tsk, tsk tsk... But jokes aside, when John told his father that he wasn't super interested in becoming a lawyer or merchant like his father wanted, Henry wrote this to his brother; ''if he enters upon the plan of Life which he Seemed to pant for when he wrote the 5th. July, I Shall give him up for lost & he will very Soon reproach himSelf for his want of Duty & affection towards me, for abandoning his Brothers & Sisters, for disregarding the Council of his Uncle, & for his deficiency of common understanding, in making Such a choice_ if these reflections prevail not over him, nothing will_ he must have his own way & I must be content with the remembrance, that I had a Son.'' Basically, Henry said he would disown John if he pursued his interests in medicine. So, John ended up becoming a lawyer/statesman to please his father. There are more examples of John trying to please his father, but let's not take that now... HOWEVER, after John had died, Henry wrote of him in response to John Adams' letter; ''Thank God I had a Son who dared to die in defence of his Country'' ... We get a lot of mixed signals from Henry... Though I do believe he loved him, at least somewhat.., even if he was controlling/manipulative. Henry wasn't too nice to his other children either, but since this is about John I'm not gonna talk about that.

John's brother James died at the age of 9-10 (1765-1775)

James, or Jemmy, was supposedly scaling the outside of their house and tried to jump to the landing outside of John’s window but fell. He received life threatening injuries and cracked his skull. The doctors had figured that the injuries were too severe to save him and John described it to his uncle four days later; "At some Intervals he had his senses, so far as to be able to answer single Questions, to beckon to me, and to form his Lips to kiss me, but for the most part he was delirious, and frequently unable to articulate. Puking, Convulsions never very violent, and latterly so gentle as scarcely to be perceived, or deserve the Name, ensued, and Nature yielded."

Since John was supposed to watch over James during this time, John felt guilty and as if it was his fault. James' death was very difficult for John, and it weighed heavily on him.

Henry did little to alleviate those feelings of guilt, which suggests that he either didn't care enough, or that a part of him also blamed John. (I am not saying he 100% did, but it would not be surprising if he so did, considering how he treated John.)

He could also have been in too much grief to console John... Which, as said, would not be too surprising considering his treatment of John. But nevertheless, he did not do much to help John and John's guilt.

TW: mentions of suicide.

It is highly speculated that John was suicidal. We have a couple of written exchanges where John discusses suicide with friends and family. In February 1774, John wrote to Henry Laurens about two men who had attempted suicide. We don't have the whole letter, but here is a part of Henry's response; ''...But, my Dear Son, I trust that your opinion on that Question is So firm, that you are armed with Such irrefragable proofs of the Impiety as well as Cowardice of Self Murther, as puts you out of danger of being made a Convert to Error...'' (Not gonna put all of it). Another time, when John was a prisoner of war and didn't handle imprisonment well, Hamilton wrote to John ''For your own sake, for my sake, for the public sake, I shall pray for the success of the attempt (of being exchanged) you mention; that you may have it in your power to act with us. But if you should be disappointed, bear it like a man; have recourse, neither to the dagger, nor to the poisoned bowl, nor to the rope.'' It is clear that Hamilton (and Henry, despite how he treated John) were worried about John's thoughts of suicide. John's last letter to Hamilton was probably one of the, if not the, most emotional. He wrote ''Adieu, my dear friend; while circumstances place so great distance between us, I entreat you not to withdraw the consolation of your letters. You know the unalterable sentiments of your affectionate Laurens.'' John died about a month later. On the day of his death, John and his men surprised a troop of British soldiers that outnumbered them. Instead of retreating, John chose to immediately attack. He did not really actively end his own life, though it seems as if it was planned or that he was trying. Which is just sad. Also, it's not sure that Hamilton's last letter to Laurens ever got to him before he died. (In that letter he tells John to quit his sword and come to congress with Hamilton)

I don't know what else to add actually but here you have it!! This is as accurate as I can get it, especially cause it's like mostly based on letters... Uhm. But yay!

[pinyonrice]

week 4 since starting T! a little afraid that it's only a matter of time until I start sounding like the berries and cream commercial boy

[reotacchii]

hello!! may i request gepard x child!reader?? (platonic ofc) reader is around 13-14 years old

From Me to You

pairings : gepard landau x child!gn!reader

genre : headcanons, platonic, FATHER AND CHILD BONDING !!!

a/n : dear anon, i'm truly grateful for this request. As my motivation were about to drop, this somehow bring me back to joy and happiness to write more 💗. If this isn't met to your likings, always feel free to shot another req on my askbox, can't wait to see more req in the future 💕

"A child was never apart of my plan, " the Captain exclaimed. A child with a look of purity and innocence stares at their so-called father confused, unexpect with such of a response.

"But with you, I would like to learn how to love"

★ - The captain, Gepard, found you near at one of the Silvermane Guard post. A child yet teenager-like figure that seem lost, unknowingly the exact fact of their own location.

★ - His first instinct were to ask you where's your parent and your house located, but you refused. You have your own reason to not telling due to the past on that house so you left by running away from it.

★ - It became a small arguments between the guard of what to do with you, but worriness took over Gepard and so he decided to taking care of you.

★ - You weren't that exact innocent type of a child as your age itself lands on a rebellious phase (supported by the mark of puberty). You completely wary and aware of who's taking care of you, you are more than worried that the one who's taking care of you would be so strict and uptight just like your own parent.

★ - Or moreso, as the Belobog's citizen, you heard once or two about the Landau family so you are afraid you might get opposed or being another outcast.

★ - but those thought soon crumbled into pieces, Gepard fully taking care of you, so caring, yet protective on his own way; the complete opposite side he is from work.

★ - whenever he's back from patrolling or mission, he'll makes sure to bring you some gift; each day differs to see which one you like the most. That way he learnt your likings

★ - Also your food schedule, you refused to open up to him about kind of food, but with his previoud kindness, you can't help but to tell him the food you've always wanted to eat ever since you are a kid.

★ - No further a do, he'll run like a speed to go to the store that sells your favorite food.

★ - Each time you feel sad, he'll always be there to support your back by giving you a plenty of hugs.

★ - He might also keep a track of each hobbies you do during his free time, and he'll makes sure to also involved in it so you both could have a quality time together

★ - Maybe he wasn't a bad person like you thought at first.

★ - As the time progressed, you'll clinging onto his back or his feet if he came back from patrolling. He's also willing to give you a piggyback ride across the Administrative District so he could always hear your giggle and little laughs whenever he jokingly speds up his pace.

★ - Whenever he was patrolling, he began to comfortable enough to entrust you in Serval workshop, he put a lot of faith in his sister to babysits you instead of passing it on other hand. He can't bare to have you missing to someone else so he trusted the babysits on someone he knows the most.

★ - Oh! Did I mention before that Serval is genuinely the best aunt right there, she taught you how to connect a couple of devices, basic mechanic problem fixes, and she even got you into musical instrument! You also got to learn on how to singing from her.

★ - Gepard is completely in shocked when he got to know you doing all these in his sister workshop.

★ - But soon his fazed would turn into a proud feelings in his chest, you have a good future and thats what his goal meant from being a Silvermane Guard Captain; to protect the Belobog generation and future.

★ - You both exchanging a lullaby before you sleep; though Gepard isn't the exact best at singing, you always loved it and that gives Gepard an exact confidence to always doing it with you.

★ - "Hmm.. Hmm.. Hmm.." you hummed along with Gepard lullaby, fighting the urges to sleep but a yawn continued,

★ - "It's the little y/n need to sleep?" he warmly said, putting a blanket and ensure you are wrapped warm, safe and securely.

★ - "*yawn* mhm.. Good night, dad," the word 'dad' wasn't intentional, but your subsconcious made you blurt the word out. You weren't realizing this because you doze off to sleep after, but Gepard — oh boy, at that exact moment he feel like the proudest and happiest man alive.

★ - watching you fell asleep, he'll grabbing your small hands on his hand, somehow it made him feel so comfortable and it makes him sure that you always feel safe with him.

★ - giving you a kiss on your forehead, you'll smile lightly on your sleep.

★ - "good night, sweetheart"

[majachee]

I am typing this at 12:30 am after being out for 7 hours walking and standing nonstop so I apologize if my tappings make no sense

anyways I think chris would’ve given the team some alien steroids, since they’re humans, and weak. like try dropping them from 30 feet high, or put them against an alien with 500 years of experience, they’re so fragile. but then he realized he gave alien steroids to *teenagers*, not just regular old plain human adults. cue to duncan holding a fucking bus over his head going on an absolute power trip, he’s having the time of his life

I also personally think that they deserve to get dna from their animals as a treat. just, y’know, some minor mutations that would help them out in battle but become massive nuisances outside of battle. courtney should become a kibby as a treat. they’re full of alien drugs, animal dna and puberty hormones. do you see it

-mmpr anon

NOT GONNA LIE I THOUGHT ZORDON ALREADY PUT THEM ON SOME SORT OF ALIEN STEROIDS IN THE SHOW... But yeah, Chris would absolutely do that. 💀

Okay "alien steroids" is a bit of an exaggeration, but I do believe there's some sort of power-up happening there. My Power Rangers knowledge in general is rusty, I watched one of the many TV shows sporadically as a kid (ie whenever it was on the lobby TV at my sister's karate dojo) so like... Lol.

But I've recently watched the episode in season 1 of MMPR where Tommy/The Green Ranger loses his powers cuz Rita put a spell on a candle, and like... Dude mentions physically getting weaker and feeling drained without his powers, so there's SOMETHING THERE. Tommy Green Ranger come back I miss you

I'll likely not include the candle-thing in the AU, cuz that was kind of silly and also the Green Ranger is... kind of my favorite in this show, so I ain't getting rid of him that easily. 😈 Will have fun with the Island of Illusions plot, though.

In the AU, I'd imagine this is how Noah gets enough upper-body strength to hold ranged weapons. Also yes, Duncan would throw a bus at someone. He will DO THAT !!!!

As for the minor mutations thing...? Nodding, nodding. First thing that came to mind were the mutations from the MMPRxTMNT comics which IS NOT WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BUT—

Harold made them fursonas, I guess.

I'm not sure if I can do the minor mutations thing, but I'll try to toss in some nods to their zord-buddies in their designs, regardless. 😈

I've also been thinking about Bulk and Skull, and what I'd do with them in this AU. In the show, they're meant to be seen as bullies, but to me? They're losers, first and foremost. Above all else, they are losers. Losers trying to overcompensate by trying to be intimidating bullies. So I've given the role of bumbling loser to Cody—

Also let's be so heckin real right now, these guys would NOT get bullied. They are the bullies.

[vaguely-humanoid-form]

thanks, Matt

matpat means.... a lot to me, to say the least. I was raised in a single parent household and l haven't really considered myself to have a dad for a long time. while yes, I do technically have a dad, that's only really in the context of genetics. and my daddy issues but that's not important.

what is important is that matpat was my father, in a way. he was dubbed the title of "internet dad" long after he had already been one to me. he's part of the reason that I am the person I am today.

this piece exists because of matpat, for many reasons.

one, because I sobbed watching "goodbye internet" and want to do something special for his retirement.

two, because fnaf is the entire reason that I create what I do today, and that is partially heavily credited to matpat for overanalyzing a game about murderous animatronics in a pizzeria that I was obsessed with the moment I found out about it. 7 year old me was hooked, man.

and then I think through that, I found even more creators, which led to even more hyperfixating on weird nerdy shit, which led to me making more and more art.

and now, here I am. I'll be 17 years old in April. I graduate high school in one year.

I'm growing up.

not that I haven't been for my whole life because, well, that's how that works.

but I am nearing the true "end" of my childhood.

this year is fnaf's ten year anniversary.

this year marks a decade with game theory.

this year marks the beginning of the end.

I look back on my childhood. I went back to make one quick edit of my incredibly old Instagram account that I had way before I should've even had it.

I look back on the friends I had. I look back on all of the early-mid 2010s shit I posted and I smile. because it's cringe. it's cringe as hell and it's beautiful because of that.

and the nonsense theories are beautiful, and every single theory is beautiful because it exists. because it stems from the need to learn and think and have fun.

because that's what theorizing is about, in the end.

having fun.

matpat means a lot to me.

matpat is the reason that I am the person typing out this post. matpat is the reason that I am the person who spent 6 hours and 45 minutes drawing a piece featuring undertale and fnaf characters in it.

matpat inspires me to exist. and create. and think and learn and seek and everything.

yes, it's a bit parasocial. but it's hard for it to not be considering that I've spent more than half of my life growing alongside this man, seeing him grow in real time in tandem with myself.

I'm growing up.

but I still feel like a kid.

that's good and bad.

the bad is the part of my childhood that I didn't get to have because of my puberty hitting early. it's the fact that some of me is still a 12/13 year old in 2020. it's how the internet affected my growth.

the good is the part of me that still gets unreasonably excited when one of my interests gets brought up "in the wild." it's the fact that I love stuffed animals. it's how the internet affected my growth.

I look back on myself as a kid and, yes, I do indeed get embarrassed or genuinely cringe at how I was in some aspects. but I smile.

because it's me.

despite everything, it's still me.

despite everything, I'm still me, and matpat is still matpat, and despite every single thing that we've all gone through,

we're still us.

I remember one year, I bought myself the theorist varsity jacket with some Christmas money or something.

my best friend has the theorist backpack, I'm pretty sure.

hell, matpat's probably one of the reasons that they are my best friend.

two absolute geeks of GT kids, bonding over the nerdy stuff they liked, probably talking about theories. I don't remember super well, that was elementary school, man.

but isn't that incredible?

the fact that I'm still friends with someone I met in the first grade because of nerdy people like matpat.

I am forever grateful that I found the game theorists and became part of that group. so much of who I am is because I am a theorist. because I found one guy on the internet making overanalytical videos about games.

matpat means a lot to me. and if in case he somehow reads this whole weird ramble prose post open letter thingy, then I hope it means something to him.

but, hey, that's just a theory.

thanks for everything, Matt. <3

[luonscribbles]

I enjoyed your art and fluffyvenom family stories and I want to support them. But I feel like I can't. I am okay with non-binary/trans characters, but when you push a non-binary/transgender identity on a CHILD character, that makes me feel really uncomfortable. Children do not have the maturity to understand gender identity and any choices regarding it should be made when they are of age. When they are able to understand what it means and the life changing decisions that are involved. Decisions that can be irreversible. Changes that one might not agree with later in life and regret. Cathy should be non-binary as a grown adult as she would be mature enough to fully decide who she is, not at 10. I cannot call her "they" because she is only a child.

Okay. So

I'd suggest to anyone who feels this way to read more about the whole topic, since I'm sure there's a lot better written and more in depth sources out there. I can only try my best to give a satisfying, if maybe a brief response, while trying not to spend a whole week writing some hot mess of an essay about non-binary identity.

First thing first, a lot of the "gender identity should not be pushed onto kids" stuff stems from people conflating gender identity with sexuality

Which

Are COMPLETELY different things

Like NO.

So ok one can't call a kid "they" cause they're only a child, and not an adult, because "trans/non-binary kids are too young to know/decide what they are, they might change their mind later".

Most sources I've seen show that over 70% trans kids start to experience gender dysmorphia around the age of seven. Of course let's say a 13-year-old and older kids and teens would have a more advanced understanding of different gender identities and a better access to terminology and stuff, but are they still too young to "decide" what they are since they arent grown adults?

Children, pre-teens, teens and adults all do have an understanding of gender identity, but they all differ, obviously. Trans/non-binary people, no matter their age, can determine the crucial thing that is what makes them feel comfortable and good about themself, and what upsets and irks them.

As for the "life changing decisions that can be irreversible" that would come from not identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth... I'm,, getting the impression that you're referring to the actual gender affirming via healthcare...? Which btw is not performed on younger children. And is something that only starts to become relevant to think about when one enters puberty, at the earliest. And I am in no way saying that a person stops being a kid once they enter puberty or anything of sorts, but we all probably know what absolute hellhole surrounds this topic around the world and frankly I don't think I'd want to bring that to my dumb art blog.

I think all I can say about that is that it's a matter that's completely different and unique to every person who's identity falls under the trans umbrella. I feel like I can really only speak for myself. Im non-binary myself, and also person that isn't very keen to share much details about my personal life here. Cathy is not a perfect reflection of myself, even if they hit pretty close to me, especially adult Cath's character.

The thing is

Yeah, sure, a child saying that they feel or don't feel certain way can very well be a phase, but that's fine. Figuring out who you are literally consists of phases, they're parts of a journey. A journey that is different for everyone.

Of course a kid's identity, gender and otherwise is bound to change as they get older. Heck, even if a person identifies with the gender they're assigned at birth their whole entire life without ever having to give it much of a thought, their understanding of gender identity, their own and otherwise, still keeps changing through time. Figuring out who you are starts very early and goes well into adulthood and way past the age when it's considered you're "mature enough to decide". In the end, shutting down a kid trying to figure themself out is bound to do more damage than being willing to hear them out.

Tldr: non-binary kids exist and are valid. I am in no way an authority or a perfect encyclopedia

Alright

Now I think I wanna get my thoughts out about Cathy spesifically

If I ever wrote a bigger story about them (which I'd like to) the following stuff would be part of it. This might not be crucial to all that stuff mentioned before, but I feel like it's something that would be nice to add here, y'know

Some other kid might ask Cathy "wait, so, are you like a boy or a girl?" perhaps completely innocently. They don't really know what to answer.

They think they're supposed to answer "a girl" that's what everyone around her has treated her as their whole life, but something about that just doesn't feel like... themself. They feel like they like plenty of more "boyish" clothes and stuff, but answering "a boy" does not feel right either. Cathy has briefly wondered if she could actually be a boy instead, since they know that's possible, but no. It's something like both, or neither, or some third thing? Either way, it's like this feeling in their gut, that they are... something. Something that they can't quite put their finger around.

Whenever Cath voices this feeling they're usually met with "Oh, you're just a bit tomboyish, doesn't mean you aren't a girl" and that she just shouldn't think about stuff like that, but that doesn't make that feeling in their gut go away. If anything it makes them feel worse. Like whatever they are feeling is wrong, and others know better than they do, even if they aren't willing to listen thoroughly.

But when this happens with Cathy's new foster, - later adopted parents, they instead react with something more like: "okay, there are plenty of people who feel that way, some of our own friends have similar experiences." And that makes Cath feel surprised, and a lot better.

Someone, for the first time is willing to hear them out and explain that there are more options. And later they get to meet people who went through the same feelings when they were young, and hearing those things makes her feel even better.

Cathy asks if it was possible that they too, could be someone who is neither a boy a girl. "Sure it is, and you have plenty of time to figure out what suits you the best." Cath then asks if it was possible for them to actually be treated in that way? Not as a girl nor a boy but what they really feel like they are.

Cathy's fine with being referred to with terms like "daughter" or "little sister" on occasion, their name doesn't bother them, they do not mind being called "she" every now and then by people (which by the way are things absolutely valid for non-binary folks I gotta mention, many labels fall under the enby umbrella, and in the end Cathy feels like non-binary is what just feels most like themself)

They now have adults around them whom they feel like they can trust and tell everything to. Who would be ready to correct someone mistaking them for a boy, even when that person insists "well why does that kid dress like one then", or says that " "they" is not a correct way to refer to a person in the english grammar".

And Cathy's reminded that what matters the most is this moment and what feels good right now, and that they will always be loved unconditionally.

[rayshippouuchiha]

Ray, light of my days, I proudly present you the fact that I managed to get over my overwhelming emotional constipation and now I'm in an actual romantic relationship for the first time ever. Which is. Very confusing, actually.

I've known this man since preschool, has been his friend for almost just as long and neither of us actually bothered to look past the fact that the other is friend shaped and that we made fart jokes together at 12yrs old until someone pointed out that we've been practically married since before COVID, so how about we think about that instead of leaving broken hearts almost every weekend. Which was a very awkward situation.

Also, this man has helped me get laid multiple times and I (thought that I) did the same for him bc neither of us actually knows what we're doing and have exactly 0 rizz alone. And now we had to have a conversation about how he's never actually got laid, just didn't want to look lame and how I'm not just the biggest but also the coldest hoe he knows bc he's still my first kiss bc that thing is special and I wasn't about to waste it on some idiot I won't remember. I mean getting laid is nice and all, but kissing is more intimate in my opinion so... But like, imagine being a virgin and teaching someone who got to discover all of their kinks real time how to kiss lmao

Also, I love how Tumblr is so anonymous, bc i can actually put this here with no shame lol

Him: *asleep*

Me: *whisper* he's my boyfriend. we're dating. he's so cute. i'm so lucky. he's hair is so fluffy. i love him.

Him: *does that sleepy little moan/whimper thing men do*

Me: *rubbing my legs together like they're freshly shaved* Self control is an act of love and I have plenty of both so I'll have to leave the room now

Also yeah we've been having sleepovers for years without either of us getting a clue lol. So it's kind of normal to have them still. But I also had to establish that I'm either the big spoon from now on or his virtue is in danger lol because moaning in my neck in his sleep does bad things to my self control I haven't cared to notice before.

So like nothing too crazy or entertaining right now in my life but actually my boyfriend is the best and I just can't contain myself. I mean!!! A boyfriend!!! Who loves me!!! All for me!!!

There's just something about falling in love with someone after watching them go through puberty and sharing with each other every awkward thing that comes with it because you were such good friends during. Now that I think about it I'm kind of dumb bc my man(!!!!!) has been keeping hair ties and painkillers in his school bag for me for my crippling migraines since we were like 8 just in case. I'm writing this and realizing that I'm stupid because I probably could've had this relationship for years. Damn.

Also I'm sending all the nice vibes and feelings so it can manifest in your life and give you and your family good luck and good mood and healthy and everything, Ray.

this is precious and I am so happy for you and your new relationship!!!

[nerves-nebula]

Idk about your intentions, and feel free to ignore me if I’m wrong, but Mikey sounds like a maladaptive daydreamer lol.

Just some background, maladaptive daydreamers use these huge fictional worlds called paracosms to escape reality. Some people do it because of anxiety or stress, but some do it as like a coping mechanism (which is how I’d see Mikey doing it based on your dissociation post) People with maladaptive daydreaming can stim while doing it, like rocking back and forth, pacing, etc, but some can master the art of being able to sit still and just daydream whenever. There’s almost an addictive aspect to it, and a lot of daydreamers have to take adhd or anxiety meds to shake it

Would Mikey stim at first but learn to stay still after Splinter lectured him too many times? Would his paracosm be the book that he’s writing about killing splinter? Idk feel free to look at this like I’m crazy but this subject is very close to my heart as I’m a daydreamer myself.

OK SO like. I don't know. and I don't know if Mikey has maladaptive daydreaming for a specific reason.

That being that I'm basing him on myself. I spent a lot (AND I DO MEAN A LOT) of my time in my head as a kid. I don't really know what a paracosm is so I'm not sure if I was exploring within them. but there are huge chunks of my childhood i really only remember via the emotional exploration I was doing inside these fictional worlds. Like most of puberty for me was just imagining gay fictional gods and forbidden love and abuse and violence and at all that. and it's hard for me to tell if that was a bad thing because it's linked to a very integral part of my personality- that being the desire to tell and experience stories.

I was always dragging around paper and pencils to draw these imagined worlds. But i was also often just sitting with my eyes closed (or sometimes opened, but closed if I wanted to really focus)

if I was painfully bored, or very anxious (which happened often, basically any time i was outside the house or not watching tv or playing a game) I would do this. If I was stuck in a car or a room while my siblings were fighting violently, I would force myself to try to only think about my characters. If the talk radio host was getting on my nerves I would try to drown him out by thinking about my characters going through their worlds and getting in fights and having sex and all that stuff.

this got even better (or worse, considering how you think of it) once I got earbuds/headphones and access to my cousins old ipod. I was finally able to fully block out the world and only, ONLY ever think of my stories. just how I'd always wanted.

and sure, I was always kind of spacey, but even when I wasn't thinking of stories and art I was bad at paying attention the way adults liked. I think adults liked me more when I was just sitting there thinking anyway, instead of being hyper and then having an emotional breakdown when i realize they thought I was annoying.

There was a particularly vibrant time for daydreaming around puberty where i had dozens if not around a hundred different intricate stories that I started to overlap, just because. And I'd go through them over and over, adding or changing little things, making up reasons that the characters would all end up living in the same bunker or fighting the same enemy. making up reasons for the god of war and his little lamb prince to be torn apart. making up reasons for them to attack each other. then forcing them back together through all the trauma.

and recalling these spaces makes me kind of shiver because they're almost like real memories to me. I remember thinking of these scenarios more than I remember my real life around 11-12 years old. And i think that's largely because after I got my blackbelt at around 11 years old, my parents let me quit karate, and didn't force me to do any more sports or anything. So for the most part I legit never left the house. My entire life was in these stories and in my art.

I really only stopped doing this once I got sent off to high school at around 13-14 and was basically FORCED to participate in the real world more.

but I did that all on purpose. i was bored, and i hated other kids because they never clicked with me. and it never seemed to interrupt my life in a way that my parents noticed or cared about. in fact it was the only thing that kept me from being actively suicidal for a while there!

so like. i don't know man. i don't know.

[sasukeuchihaisreallycool]

Testosterone Things No One Told Me About

Disclaimer: these are not universal experiences. Everyone has different bodily changes that happen at different paces and different amounts. These are just the things I've experienced so far

Hi I'm an FTM trans man I've been doing HTR for about 5 years now so I thought I'd impart some fun facts about it I've learned.

1. Male patterned balding. I am 24 and my hair is thinning at quite a rapid pace. It was very thick when I first started and at this point I'm probably gonna be bald on the top of my head by the time I'm 30. I have a great beard though so that's cool.

2. HORNY. Testosterone increases your sex drive, you will most likely be uncomfortably horny all the time for the first half a year if not more. 24 hours after I do my shot I also feel an increased sex drive as well and I'm asexual so that was shocking to me in the beginning.

3. Puberty #2 Electric Boogaloo. You will basically be going through a second puberty when you start and your body gets used to the changes. I'm talking acne, oily skin, greasy hair, sweating, body odor, the whole nine yards. I felt like shit about myself and wondered if I made a mistake for a long time while I was going through this first stretch, it'll be okay just relax it'll pass in time. I feel great now.

4. Weight Gain. Your body is redistributing fat to different areas, I gained about 20-30 pounds. I eat fairly healthy and I exercise regularly and it still happened so don't worry that's normal.

5. Voice Change. You will sound like a 14 year old boy and your voice will crack a lot. I am a singer so this was a very difficult thing for me to deal with. This also made me feel like shit and depressed because I sang horribly during that time period, it'll pass and you can learn to sing in a lower key don't give up you can retrain yourself!

6. Anger. I started getting a lot angrier and irritated more easily, I still do at times. Again 24 hours after my shot it's not uncommon for me to be more easily frustrated and get pissed off at stupid things. This does not make you a bad person or an "evil violent man" You can deal with these new feelings in constructive healthy non violent ways. I've never been a particularly angry person so this was frightening to me at first and I felt guilty for having those feelings.

7. Shots. I do the injection into my tummy fat method, I started doing it in the thigh and then switched. I do self inject, I used to be TERRIFIED of shots, I still get some anxiety over it at times. It took me a long time and many visits to Planned Parenthood to be able to do it myself. It can be done with persistence and bravery! If it helps here's my plan of action I did to overcome my fear:

Step 1. Watch YouTube videos of people injecting themselves so start desensitizing yourself to it.

Step 2. Go to the doctor, have them do it, but watch when they do.

Step 3. Have the doctor do it, but put your hand on theirs while they are.

Step 4. Have the doctor do it but put your hand on theirs and push the plunger in yourself.

Step 5. Hold the needle yourself this time and have the doctor put their hand over yours to help you push the needle into your skin. This step is the hardest step.

Step 6. Go to the doctor and have them stand by to assist you while you attempt to do it on your own. So in case you can't get yourself to do it they're there to help/do it for you.

This is what worked for me, there's non-injection methods as well people do so don't fret if you're not up for that. Take as much time as you need on these steps before moving on to the next one. There's no rush you'll get it when you get it.

8. Male Privilege. If you pass very well as I do strangers will start thinking you're a cis male which is great, but you will also start being treated differently in public. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. I've ended up becoming the one my female friends would ask to walk them home at night because they wanted a man with them to deter predators from approaching them. And vice versa I've also become aware that I now can make women uncomfortable when I'm walking behind them at night as well. Once again this does not make you an "Evil Man" just be aware of the people around you. Use your newfound privilege to your advantage and stick up for your female/nonbinary/non passing friends :)

9. Body Hair. You get a lot more body hair. I was always a hairy person, I had no idea how much more I'd get but it was a lot. Your butt, back, and chest are gonna get hairy. It's very annoying especially if you're someone who enjoys being shaved.

10. Personal Smell. This is a weird one, but your smell changes. It's not a bad smell you just... Smell like a man now. I thought I stank or something cause like I said puberty 2 was rough but no matter how many showers you take the man smell does not go away. You get used to it I don't even notice now, no one ever did notice except for me to begin with.

I hope this was helpful, I'll add more if I think of anything. Enjoy your transition it's got it's pros and cons, but it's worth it and you're not making a mistake I promise.

[ahappydnp]

This might be controversial, I don't know. But I honestly don't like Dan's content post coming out nearly as much as pre-BIG. It used to be silly -yes- but relatable videos with one or two edgy jokes thrown in. Now it's ALL "I'm gay, horny and depressed and the world is ending but we also kind of deserve it" ... I know that last part has a lot to do with We're all doomed and Dystopia Daily - like the clue is in the names, I get it. But when it's all jokes like that... where is the lightheartedness? Where is the fun? Where is the relief from the problems of the world? Pre-BIG Dan at least had a better balance with that. Anyway, rant over. Hope it made sense.

mmm normally i'd ignore this kind of ask because it's nuanced and i don't want a dozen more hot takes in my inbox but i get that you're not just criticizing dan as a person but more his content shift so (many) thoughts under the cut:

i think first and foremost it's hard to gage dan as a content creators post BIG because the only content he's consistently made has been dystopia daily and wad (discounting gay & not proud because...you know...)

it's also hard to compare him to his content pre BIG since: 1) the video format is different- DD is a scripted persona heavy talk show format that's more commentary on culture than personal experiences 2) he's not supplementing DINOF with liveshows/regular social media posts + gaming channel videos that showed different (usually softer or more lighthearted) sides of dan and gave the audience a more well rounded perception of him as a person

which i think is one of the biggest ""issues"" people have with DD. it's not even necessarily the content itself (though i doubt anyone would say DD is their favorite content by any stretch), but the fact that the main source of perceiving dan is this heavily edited persona that's a bit too detached from real life daniel howell? because yeah like you said, we know he has a lighthearted side, we know he's actually very kind and thoughtful; however, dystopia daily is about the content, not dan as a person. the product isn't himself anymore which is a massive shift from old content. about dystopia daily as a concept- like i said, the reception from long time subscribers has been basically "i don't love this but i love you and am excited to see you again". it's not BAD it's just not what people watch dan for? it's definitely not something i would click on or enjoy from anyone else, but i love seeing dan in anything and supporting him. and some of it is good! there are some rewatches in there! but yeah if you didn't know him prior to DD you might assume this was just another ~generic angry rich white guy complaining about the world to be edgy~

i don't agree with you that it's ALL "i'm gay, horny, and depressed" and might even say it's not a crime if it was? dan spent the first decade of his career having to edit himself and if he needs a professional second puberty to feel better then go off! am i excited for him to explore more topics or stories or formats?? like absolutely!! but i'm not angry about this era of him getting his bearings. did i love him pretending he doesn't like/has never been around kids when we know for a fact he does? no it felt weird and forced but i get his thinking that he wants DD to be detached from dan. "where's the fun"?- i will say that this year in particular we've seen more of dan's personality online! like the silly little instastories and tweets, he's sharing more about his life (like seriously who would have bet he'd post anything about their japan trip????), him in phil's video + the hair clip. and it's just like the biggest breath of fresh air because that's our dan!!! that laugh!! i know that guy!!! and i do feel like he's ready to incorporate letting people see more sides of him again after giving himself the space and boundaries to readjust after a massive life change. but there have still been bits of him this whole time! the few liveshows he did on tour were fun, him at the tour preshows was PEAK classic dan and he was truly the sweetest during his m&gs (seriously i cannot recommend enough checking out the preshow compilations playlist on youtube or meetdnp on twitter because it's just....god it's so fucking nice to see him being so fucking nice and remembering why he really is special). check out the idb instastories playlists because there are so many gems from the past couple years people forget about!!

i know it hit harder because dan is such a LIGHT and it felt like we lost it for awhile. he didn't lose the kindness or silliness or creativity, he's still dan! he's older and not the same person he was in 2014, but also who is? i'm not the same person i was in my 20s which is a great thing!

change can feel scary, but dan's entire genetic makeup didn't change. i totally get if DD isn't your thing and that is perfectly fine! but i will say if you're mourning the other sides of him, you've got plenty of examples that aren't current main channel videos. i do believe we'll be let back in even more soon though :)

[vlovebug]

Valentine headcannons because I can.

turning and after (I can't find why he was turned so I'm making my own way) and general

(I'll be honest some of these don't make sense but neither do I)

(I'm taking things from other vampire movies and applying them to monster-high vampires, mainly The Little Vampire ( 2007), all Hotel Transylvania movies, and some things from redacted audios ( yes I pulled this card so what)

he was turned only because of that old vampire dude (I forgot his name but he was the bad guy that was in charge of the vampire heart thing) needed a soldier and he had a magic core, so he was chosen with his mom

he had his magic core (power core or something) before his turning.

old vampire dude taught him that stealing love was the only right way to get it.

he was forced to train in many ways. ( fighting, torture, self-defense, etc)

at first, he refused to drink any type of blood because he was disgusted with himself, so he only went off love but that soon changed as he wasn't getting enough.

he was told if he didn't do something right, he would be starved ( cruel)

he struggled with his strengths for a long while, breaking things and bending them without warning. because of this, he has to keep a very good hold on his emotions ( news flash, he can't do that very well)

his fangs would cut his lips and tongue constantly so they had to put stuff on his fangs to protect his mouth ( modern stuff includes foram and just hiding his fangs in his gums)

he has to make himself look more human when going out ( fangs back into gums, sunglasses, something longsleeved or something that covers his skin from the sun rays, he will also just make glamors( magic covers) over himself if he's feeling lazy)

he can heal himself and others if needed (I've seen vampires be able to do that so all vampires that learn it can do it)

all vampires' eyes do that thing where the pupils shrink ( predator stare), some do it on purpose and some only do it when threatened.

his eye color can go from red to pink depending on if he drank blood or went off love. his eyes are pink 80% of the time

he can make illusions but depending on the size it can only last so long.

he can fly ( more like float but it is kinda of the same thing)

all vampires have bat forms ( we know this where am I going with this?)but they can also have a pair of small bat wings and tails on their forms at all times ( kinda like a hybrid of sorts, this is only the case if they get their bat form and go through a transformation ( vampire puberty )

he makes bat sounds (I love bat sounds, they itch my brain)

he likes putting his hair in styles his mom used to wear in BC ( or was it AD?)

he has daggers hidden on his person at all times because of monster/ vampire hunters

he likes to make fun of and torture hunters

he artistic

15 languages ( both verbal and nonverbal)

he can't sing but boy can he hum

has had his core touched and he punched the shit out of the person that did the touching out of shock.

he doesn't use his arms or hands in fights often because he likes kicking people

cries blood instead of water

has a pet reptile ( haven't decided which one)

has a HUGE soft spot for animals ( less for flying monkeys but he still loves the nice ones)

absolutly hates tomaotes, apples, bellpepers, anything with a bad texture, smell, or colour ( same)

we know he has a sweet tooth but I think he wouldn't like dark chocolate (I'm just giving him more of my traits at this point)

he bites ice cream and then whines when it hurts his teeth from the cold

he accidentally locks himself in places you wouldn't expect ( expert in finding spots that get you stuck 🤝)

in the comic thing, he's not seen till he's ready. based on that I would think that He is really hard to find when he doesn't want to be seen and can hide his presence ( how does that work? We will never know)

He can't spell nor remember easy words but can somehow be completely fine with large words ( ah yes another of my problems given to my comfort character)

he has a heart on his chest ( did I say this already?)

hes flexible as fuck ( military training ?)

he teaches spelldon and others he knows stuff that they wanna learn ( if he knows how ofc)

he never lies ( after the movie ofc) because he knows the truth will only hurt more with lies.

can be protective when with people

Mom friend ( mom friend)

( if they become friends) Draculaura tottled his car once and he's banned her from driving his car ( I would too)

can braid hair like no other, you need to fix your hair? he's there with a hair tie ( only if you tell him the can ofc)

I'm done, my brain is fried and I'm losing my ability to spell.

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Thank you for that post about To. and I am so sorry about everything. This was so well put together and not throwing around straight insults in each sentence. I see both sides throwing around hate without even explaining their sides of why they're sticking up for him or why they're mad. I was also one of the people giving him a chance to come back and apologize, people say stuff in the moment all the time and I felt like he deserved that chance. But, then he just left.

At first I thought his post was okay, I understand not getting neopronouns, not liking the idea of people showing too much at pride parades, or people under 18 getting surgery. Those are things I could understand but when the n*zi and racism down play happened? I was in shock and upset. Still, I wanted to at least give him a chance to comeback fresh and see if he would apologize... but he left.

If I'm being honest. Both sides weren't handled at all properly and you guys who explain it make it so much better to understand then others just writing it off as hate, telling people to kys, or getting called cis and not trans, which I am, as an insult. Everyone is still upset so I'm letting it go but I will stand by what I said and if that gets me hated just for giving him a chance or not supporting either side than that's okay. Thank you again for your amazing post and I hope you have a wonderful day.

TW: I’ll be detailing some of my experiences subtly and trying not to go into full detail.

Hi there. I don’t know who you are, but thank you for reaching out.

There’s a lot I want to say on Tom’s views, but many people have done that for me with their own time and energy and I appreciate them. I’m going to use this space to come out and say that I use neopronouns now in light of the situation. You’re allowed to use he/him, they, them, and fae/faer/faers when talking about me. I’ve been wanting to use these pronouns since first learning about them back in…idk…2014(?), but….I’m Black and of indigenous heritage, it’s hard enough being nonbinary on top of everything.

I highly suggest taking courses in gender and sociology, it was one of the most informative and open spaces for discussing gender, gender expressions, and touches on intersectionality within the Black community and being Queer during my college years as someone who was told that if I entered those spaces that I’d be molested…despite that happening more in the spaces I shared with cis/straight people .

I will echo what a lot of people have said and what I know from my own personal research as a trans person in an unsupportive family and as someone whose partner’s adopted little brother is going through: Children don’t go through gender affirming surgeries. In some cases, a 16 year old can with expressed consent from a therapist, their parents, and themselves. And honestly? It’s no one’s business. Out side of that, most children are placed on hormone blockers until they’re over 18 and able to take the right hormone replacements to experience puberty properly and develop what they need to before surgeries are viable.

On the topic of pride, in my experience in both small communities and going to San Francisco pride, there are safe spaces for children. Parades usually have an itinerary that parents can look at and guide their children appropriately. I am 100% on the side that human bodies aren’t inherently sexual as a demisexual person. It’s on the parents to PARENT their children appropriately, not complete strangers just trying to exist and feel good about themselves for ONCE instead of being afraid of hatred, death….so much…it’s so fucking much…

That being said….yes, I wanted to give him space. I really wanted to give him a chance to do better, but he’s going to have to do a lot more now before I forgive him or accept an apology and actually move on and want to engage with his content again. I just want people to really sit and conceptualize the situation and just how much people are hurting. And if I have to be that voice, then I will be. Please bare with me. 🙏🏽

Again….no harassment towards anyone. You’re allowed to realize your mistakes and apologize, but there’s work you need to do to make it stick.

Edit: Also, people are allowed to be upset, but there’s a line when you send death threats. I AM, however, in the sentiment that the only good N*zi is a dead one. Half of my family didn’t flee to America for no reason- if they weren’t already fighting against them. Those are harsh words, but it’s my truth seeing the PAIN it’s caused my family first hand. I wouldn’t ever wish that on anyone, but you are NOT in good standing with me if you support any form of N*zism.

[lowbeyonder]

It has once again been a while

It has been an interesting couple of months. A lot of it, unfortunately, has been either waiting for things to happen that still have not happened, or merely exhausting. Which is why I haven't been writing much long-form stuff, mostly just selfies and occasional shitposting.

But first, I went to a side-part. Here's a very dramatic selfie.

the bad shit

This morning some stress boiled over. The immediate trigger was having to pay for another year of the storage locker we've had most of our stuff in for the last five years, which always depresses me, because we had a whole plan: keep it in storage for a year or two while we look for a house, buy the house, move into the house. Well that hasn't worked very well. Partially because the property market is a nightmare here, partially because of an accumulation of other things.

So the current plan is actually: apply for Irish citizenship (working on it), get through bottom surgery (still waiting for a date, expecting early next year) and possibly FFS (a whole thing, see below), get EU passports, then re-examine the whole house/job situation with a much broader range of options on where we can end up living & working.

This is, I think, a good, rational plan. But I still miss my books😢.

The additional stressor is related to FFS. I know our benefits team is trying to get it covered by our private health insurance provider, I don't know what the outcome is yet, I'll find out around September 1st, and I'm climbing the walls over it.

the good shit

BUT it is not all bad times! There are good things happening too! It's time to get my mid-life crisis on!

I'll unpack that a little.

A thing I've been struggling with, especially the past year, is… not even so much the feeling of missing out on things I wanted to do, but of missing out on things I didn't even know I wanted to do. So take your classic "oh god I'm getting OLD I must reclaim my youth" crisis, stir in "also I barely even HAD a youth, I was just straight-up disassociating from puberty onwards", and also a dash of "btw welcome to second puberty" from my endocrine system.

So that's been fun. And Meg & I have been talking, very tentatively, for a while about opening up our marriage to some degree, because to be very honest, they also have some needs I am not very good at meeting, though I do try. But there's a lot of anxiety involved.

Then back in June we met up with some friends I knew from a (small, local) trans Discord at a queer dance party, and one of them basically imprinted on Meg. The two of them have been chatting back and forth (with my enthusiastic encouragement) ever since, being extremely adorable, and last week she came up to stay with us for a couple nights and good times were had by all.

So… that's going super well! And making a connection like that has eased a lot of Meg's anxieties around the idea.

And we do have more queer dance parties coming up in the next few weeks…

[ener-chi]

Spiritual Update Time! TL;DR Seeing Prince again, working formally with Skadi and Sekhmet, Puberty Pt. 2 Electric Boogaloo, and some readings.

I visited a friend back in the old town I was living in before moving to Portland for school. It didn't occur to me until after I had gotten there that I could go and visit the forest, and Prince. And I felt a pull to go there.

So I did. And as soon as I got there... I was met by Prince. It was soo good to see him again. It's been a while. We've both changed - quite a bit. He wanted to give me a gift of fae energy, and in return receive a kiss. Who am I to say no to such a handsome and beautiful fae prince? Besides, he is an incredible kisser...

Anywho, we spent a considerable amount of time catching up. Then, he said that he's been doing a fair amount of travel on the astral plane lately, and would love to do it with me. I accepted the offer - tbh I haven't really done a whole lot of exploring, and really need an excuse to do it more. Besides, traveling with him sounds like fun.

In other news, I am now working with both Skadi and Sekhmet - in a much more official capacity.

Skadi and I have worked together on and off over the years. I was working with her, and then we had a more casual relationship. She expressed interest in working together more earlier this year. But a few days ago we had a chat and she wants to work with me formally now.

Part of that is that my friend gave me this cool stim ring that happened to be in my size that he didn't wear anymore. But it has runes all over it - the futhark. As soon as I saw them, I immediately thought of Skadi, and I could hear her call...

We met and talked. She has gifted me more of her energy and power and in return I will work with her in a formal capacity, and doing a bunch of other things.

For a long time now I've always felt this strong pull towards a very snowy, cold place, like Iceland. Since our newfound pact, I've been getting visions again of this place... so cold, so snowy, so... energetically strong. I feel... like I NEED to go to this place... my soul yearns for it. I see myself being there in a couple of years - like 5-7.

I am now also working with Sekhmet in a formal capacity. I forget when and how she came to me, but it was around the time that school started. We had a tenuous agreement that she would help me with my studies if I helped heal and defend people.

But she came to me and also wanted to work in a more formal capacity. I've been taken into her realm and energy, am being more guided and watched by her, and in return am doing some stuff for her but also more fulfilling my role and development as a healer.

Both of them wanting to work formally with me kind of came out of nowhere - and both at the same time. I am in no way complaining - more just kind of noticing and chuckling at the timing of them both coming to me, and at this time in my life.

Speaking of which, this summer break has absolutely been the best summer break that I've had. It's also lasted an eternity - it's already been 2 weeks of the 3, and it's felt like it's been a month and a half, and I STILL have one more week left! Let's gooo

About a week ago, 1 month in, my estrogen started hitting me HARD. I am having sooo many changes. Lots of physical changes, my emotions are wildinnnn. Also, I am SO HUNGRY. I am eating so much food. My body needs it.

I realized this over the weekend and have been joking with people - I am absolutely going through puberty part 2. Like everything about puberty. It's so jarring asl;kjfas;lkdjf

I'm literally becoming a different person, physically, emotionally, but also spiritually. It is... crazy.

I did some readings this weekend! I've had some people come to me asking me for my paid services. Interestingly enough, both were spirit services. It was nice to be able to get back into that again. I have a lottt of help now. I am kind of relearning how to do things - or rather learning how I do things in a new way now that I am changing. It was really nice to be able to get back into some readings. My services are open if anyone wants to take part in it (winks)

That's it for now! A lot has happened irl, but that can be for another update. Just trying to survive this heatwave right now, and gonna hopefully spend this last week of summer break getting some R&R in.

Hope everyone has a wonderful night!

Blessings!

[theghostbunnie]

I’m curious but ever since you dropped your Harrison hcs I’ve been thinking about what he would be like when he gets older. Are there any hcs/info you have for him??

I'M SO HAPPY Y'ALL ARE INTERESTED IN MY HCS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!!!! 💖💕💫🩷

I have like two paths I could see my version of older Harrison going down. Let's say roughly age 17 or so, he either swears off using absolutely any of his natural magical ability and keeps his illusion/slide of hand tricks utterly private for the most part. The first being a desperate attempt to regain his parents trust, the second with the card tricks being more of getting shamed out of being open with his peers with his hobbies. I wouldn't wanna see him kept on this path and I often pair it with some major character development story. (In my head atleast, I don't think I'd ever be able to use a fanfiction writing website or have the energy to regularly update one or anything like that. I would definitely maybe write short fics on Tumblr one day.. maybe)

The other option being he actually never stopped working on his talents like that and has steadily gotten so much better. (At the start of the show he accidentally sets David on fire, in much later episodes he's able to make rings of flame, already MAJORR improvement!!) He works on his other abilities, making things levitate ect.

So when they start having these hiccups, often small physical items or spells bursting out of him during strong feelings (leading to panic and embarrassment only making it worse.) Harrison feels like it's a total setback. That his work so far didn't mean anything, he has no idea where his powers come from and as they change he apparently has no idea how to control them after all. Alot of old doubts, and new ones emerge. "Maybe it would've been better to have never had them in the first place."

I like to think after awhile he regains this hold over it, and it was just a sign of like. His magic going through puberty/hj and it turns out stronger in the end.

Other older Harrison HCs include he's definitely a swiftie and jumps up on his bed lipsyncing doing a fucking Matilda as shit floats everywhere.

His formal vest and top hat get switched out for a casual vest and beanie hat (constant hat hair) wouldn't it be so funny if he had a top hat shaped pin on it/hj

His like signature little thing I love putting on his clothes and drawing him with is the ace of spades. Small charms n shit I love it.

His frienemy thing with Nerris as she matures turns more into friend leaning. (Bc like, their dynamic is not 50/50 she is nearly always the one coming at or for HIM 😭 and it's coming from a very childish reasoning- which is okay. Bc she's a child.) So as she gets older and grows out of her issues that caused them to not get along they become closer.

Mostly due to them both being much better friends with Preston and spending time with each other via him.

But since they're older and Preston fills alot of his time with the multiple hobbies he has and Nerris has other friends to hangout with, Harrison is still left on his own sometimes. He goes through these bits of bad mental health and "everyone hates me" thoughts but doesn't really let anyone know about it.

I have this OC Quincy, technically not a camp camp oc I'm actually embarrassed sometimes to add him into things bc he doesn't fit the vibe of cc what so ever but the angst he can make is so good 2 me

He's this demon with magical know-how but no power of hisown. I like to think of Harrison (who notoriously throughout the show wants company.) Kinda ignores all the red flags and "I've always said don't judge a book by it's cover"s his way into accidentally getting manipulated by him. But also getting incredibly helpful magic lessons out of it too before it comes to a head.