#*this meeting was never rescheduled so it wasn't very important was it

[frogl3gs]

here’s a breakdown of my breakdown and my former company’s marketing department breakdown. (this is for myself for future reference if i ever question why i left bc I’m scared of new things sometimes and romanticize past things) - me telling my boss i’m overwhelmed every month since july 22.  - my boss and I having an offsite meeting in oct 22 where she asks me if I’m “really in this” and that she will only help me if i’m “really in this.” a bee lands in my cup. i acquiesce and say i’m “really in this.” - my boss, is and has been, really shitty towards all of us (june 22-nov 22) and i’m afraid the whole department is going to quit and so I call her bosses, the ceo and the president (because if i’m “really in this” then i’m going to do it the “right way”) and say “if this doesn’t change everyone is going to quit and you won’t have a department anymore.” - i take a week off for thanksgiving and can’t get out of bed. decide to also take a week off in between christmas and new year’s. - i get called in during PTO on dec 28, 22 for a very important meeting* that is then cancelled 5 mins before it starts. - i am also not very good at getting out of bed this week either. - i get a new job description and a new report on jan 1, 23, except there isn’t really a job description just my boss telling me once exactly what she wants me doing which was this sentence, “own the leads.”  - my one report is on a vacation and the brand team utterly falls apart because they are running a brand awareness campaign with a digital component that is meant to drive interest but they have not thought about funneling that interest literally....anywhere and I must create a whole upper funnel marketing program by myself in the span of two weeks.   - i hire another report to help out with the leads but a person gets hired to the general marketing team (and reports to my boss) and I am responsible for training them so I spend over 40 hours training them and then they quit three weeks later at the end of feb 23.   - mar 23 - my original direct report goes on maternity leave and I start getting pulled into these interrogation type meetings in the board room. everyone with chief in the title on one side of the table and me, marketing manager (1 of 3 marketing managers on the team) on the other side of the table. it was the only logical seat because it was also the only vacant seat. i was actually terrified. these 2-3 hour long meetings happen every. single. day. until i breakdown crying in the middle of the 14th one (that’s business days only, readers). I lie and say that I had a family emergency to attend to. so I got up and walked out.  - the following monday, march 27, 23, I tell my boss I’m putting in my notice, without a plan. she responds, “can’t say I’m surprised” - that next week, the multi-hour meetings continue except they have pulled in the other 2 marketing managers so I am not the only one on my side of the table anymore. before the end of the week is over, they fire marketing manager #2.  - monday, apr 10, 23, i’m told to work from home the rest of the week and that my last day will be that friday.  - monday, apr 17, 23 was my first day of funemployment. I slept 15 hours. I have slept 9-10 hours every night since. - today, apr 25, 23, they fired my second direct report.  I could not eat well due to stress and anxiety during this time. I could not sleep well due to stress and anxiety during this time. I could not go to the gym due to stress and anxiety during this time. I could not take care of myself due to stress and anxiety during this time.  I will NEVER let that happen to me again.   

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

"Sorry I had to pull you away from your afternoon off. I've never received a royal summons before. You're the only one I could think of calling."

Roman eyed the imposing castle and tried to imagine any reason Claudia would have for summoning him. She'd texted him and shown up unannounced over the years without serving him a royal summons before. What could possibly be so important?

"No problem at all," Adrian assured his ex-husband. "It's what I spent my whole life studying. Who needs an afternoon to themself anyway?"

"Well, we can reschedule. I feel bad for always taking so much of your time. You were the only person I could think of aside from...never mind."

Ulyssa's name died on his lips before he could finish his thought. He was well practiced at catching himself before he spoke about her. Most days it wasn't hard. On a day like today, when he needed her political insight, Roman found himself missing their friendship.

"This is weird, right? I'm not just worrying for nothing? She's never done this before. Did Theo do something at school? I haven't been to Pleasantview outside of the kids' schools in ages."

"Given your past, it does seem a bit weird," Adrian agreed. "Maybe she wants to talk about franchising our business. That's all I can think of. Aside from...Princess Georgiana."

Adrian lowered his eyes, unwilling to see the stab of pain on Roman's face whenever his daughter was mentioned. Ever since Roman had met his daughter, the pain had lessened, but it would always be there. Along with the shame he felt for having an affair and nearly destroying his marriage.

"I don't think that Maura would let Claudia know about Georgiana," Roman said quietly. "That would mean admitting that it happened."

"There's very little the queen of Pleasantview doesn't know, Roman. My parents always said to treat that monarch like they knew your darkest secrets, because odds were that they already did. There are levels of secrecy and orders of deviant devotees under the Pleasantview throne. Don't underestimate Claudia because of your past. She is the most powerful person in the world, no contest."

"She's a nice person with the world's most sickeningly in love parents," Roman said, waving his hand dismissively. "It's not in her character. Maybe her ancestors were dangerous, but I know Claudia. She's not like that."

"That remains to be seen," Adrian murmured to himself. Roman was already halfway up the stairs when he spoke. There would be no way to convince him to be on his guard.

"Good morning, Your Majesty."

Both Roman and Adrian bowed deeply in front of the queen. Her throne room was impressive, filled with imposing statues and gold trim. This room alone must have cost a small fortune. None of it reflected the woman Roman thought he knew.

"Duke Siew, Mr. Bellamy. We've been expecting you." Claudia's voice was cold and distant, something that Roman hadn't been expecting. Those intense gold eyes of hers drilled into his mind layer by layer until he felt nothing but exposed. Whoever this woman was on the throne, Roman had never met her before.

"Though I only recall summoning Mr. Bellamy," the queen continued. "I suppose he is entitled to counsel. History has proven that he does not make good choices while on his own."

Roman balked at Claudia's words while Adrian kept a straight face. Roman clearly thought that he knew Claudia Goldman, but they weren't speaking to Claudia Goldman. This was the queen of Pleasantview before them, and like every noble raised in Twikkii Island, Adrian was on the defensive, desperate not to imperil his country and family by getting in the monarch of Pleasantview's way.

"Thank you for allowing me here," Adrian said quickly, before Roman could open his mouth. "It is an honour to meet with you."

Roman looked like he was about to object, but caught the glare Adrian was giving him and thought better of it.

"It is. I'm glad to extend that honour to you, Duke Siew. You may need to remind your companion of that fact. He seems to not know his place here."

"My place?"

The words slipped out before Roman could stop himself, earning a withering glare from the queen.

"I'm sorry, was there any confusion about who is in charge here? You are a guest here, Mr. Bellamy because I will it so. There is a matter that I need to discuss with you."

Adrian nodded solemnly and beside him, Roman did the same.

"Yes, Your Majesty. We'd be honoured to discuss whatever you wish," Adrian replied. Roman nodded.

"Now, the matter at hand is somewhat...personal," Claudia continued. Her confident stare wavered for a brief moment as she chose her next words. "It involves Mr. Bellamy and my's prior relationship...or rather our brief experiment."

For the first time, Claudia faltered. Her eyes fell, unable to look at Roman while she tried to downplay their previous connection. Adrian made sure to note this stumble so he had an advantage if he needed to make a quick retreat from the castle. The queen did look like she had an attachment to Roman when her guard was down, which would come in handy if he and Adrian had to make a quick retreat back home.

"I always thought that we would be having this conversation years from now," the queen continued. "When more time had passed at least. When the crown princess was older and possessed a more mature overlook. But no matter, we're here now."

Another pause lingered in the room. Beside the queen, her fiancée cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Your Majesty, perhaps it's better just to rip the bandaid off," Miruna suggested. "It would save us all time. We do have that appointment in an hour that cannot be missed."

Miruna's words were a lie meant to leave their visitors feeling small and unimportant. It was just one strategy that had been proposed to crush any ideas Roman might have about approaching Victoriana in the future. The queen's secretive demonic councilors had several suggestions to break Roman's spirit enough to drive him away from Pleasantview, though most of them were also intrigued by the thought of pushing him too far. A low level demon hybrid launching an attack on the queen out of rage was not only entertaining, it would also gauge Claudia's ability to defend her throne. The ruler of Pleasantview could never lower their guard after all.

Claudia looked at Roman's anxious face and was immediately pulled back into their short lived romance, if they could even call it that. They'd held each other on the Twikkii Island beach and dreamed together about the future what seemed like an eternity ago. He'd sobbed against her shoulder about being cheated on and left with an infant to raise; she poured out her many concerns and fears about ascending to the throne.

It really wasn't the romance Claudia had implied to her daughter. Nothing she'd felt for Roman matched any of the feelings she felt for Miruna. They had simply been there for each other during a stressful period of their lives, giving each other physical comfort. The lie was important to maintain for her daughter. No child wanted to hear that her parents had conceived her while her mother listened endlessly to her father's sobs over Abe Helios while trying to cram thousands of years of Pleasantview history into her brain. Had she dialed Roman's number once the pregnancy test was positive? Of course. She'd never completed the call though. She never would. He didn't love her and she didn't love him. None of the joy and passion and warmth her parents had for each other seemed possible with Roman. His heart would always belong to Abe and hers she had sworn to Pleasantview.

"My father always said that you had the right to know all these years, and maybe it was a good thing that he never ruled Pleasantview," Claudia said quietly, her strong facade fading for the briefest of moments. "My mother adored her grandmother, the former queen of Strangetown, and inherited her keen political instincts. There was too much uncertainty, too much death in Arkhelios. The reapers there told horror stories about...."

The queen trailed off before catching herself. Beside her, Miruna nodded her head slightly in a show of solidarity. This was going off course quickly. Too much of Claudia was seeping out and not enough of Pleasantview's monarch. Just say the words and this uncomfortable situation can end.

"Roman Bellamy, the crown princess is your genetic offspring. Your genetic donation will shape the future of Pleasantview, and our nation thanks you for it. The princess has been informed of this and politely requests that your contact be limited in the future. Your demonic heritage will help her rule our people fairly."

"Thank you for arriving on time and have a pleasant trip back to Arkhelios," Miruna said cheerfully, looking proudly at her fiancée. "Our office is always available for inquiries, just speak with reception. You are dismissed."

A silence fell over the room as the two men processed the revealed information. Roman looked like he was about to throw up, while Adrian's brain struggled to sort this news into anything recognizable.

"The crown princess is Roman's daughter?" he said finally, looking for any sign that this was just a cruel prank.

"He's her genetic donor," Claudia replied. "She is my daughter and the future of this nation. Mr. Bellamy does not have a role in her life. He is merely a citizen of a foreign land with no legal rights in my nation."

Roman remained eerily silent beside his ex-husband. Adrian had never seen him this quiet before in all their time together. For his own part, Adrian had been blindsided by this revelation; he could only imagine what Roman must be feeling.

"Roman? Are you okay?" Adrian whispered, stroking Roman's back worriedly. "Say something. Say anything."

Roman's eyes raised slightly, daring to look at the mother of his child for mere seconds before turning away. He still remained silent.

"Mr. Bellamy, Duke Siew, thank you for coming today," Claudia announced, gesturing for her guards to be at the ready to remove her guests. "I look forward to our next meeting. Have a safe journey home."

The two men rose to their feet and Adrian was fairly certain that he'd bowed and followed the protocol that had been drilled into him from birth. It certainly wasn't anything he could perform consciously at this moment.

He grabbed Roman's hand and escorted him out of the throne room; he remembered that much at least. Roman had shuffled beside him wordlessly. Adrian's head was swimming with questions and reeling from shock, but he couldn't voice any of that while Roman was in this state. Needless to say, his conversation with Evren was going to be interesting tonight.

Roman made it down the last steps into the hallway before collapsing on the floor, still wordlessly staring at empty space. His shoulders shook as he wept, but still no sound emerged.

"Roman? Roman do you need help? Are you feeling okay? Talk to me, let me help."

Adrian's words did nothing to comfort Roman or inspire him to move. He still sat there on the floor, silently weeping outside the entrance to the throne room.

"Hey, hey. It'll be okay, we'll get through this," Adrian said, holding his ex-husband in his arms as he sobbed.

Adrian had suspected that something big was going to be revealed with this summons, but never anything like this. It was unprecedented in Pleasantview history as far as Adrian remembered. Maybe during the civil war where Princess Georgiana's paternity changed the succession of the Pleasantview throne, but even then, both of her parents knew the truth. One of them never tried to hide her paternity from the other. King Mordred hid the paternity of his youngest daughter after his husband's affair, but she had been so far down the line of succession, her paternity had only been revealed a century later by a routine maintenance of the genetic library of Crystal Cove. For a monarch to hide her heir's paternity from both her subjects and the heir's father, well, Adrian couldn't think of a historical example.

"At least she told us. We could have spent our whole lives not knowing," Adrian continued, which only made Roman sob harder. "We can try to work with this. Maybe she wants to meet with you and you could have a relationship with her. It's certainly possible."

"If that were true, Claudia wouldn't have told us like this. She wasn't even there. If she wanted to see me, she would have been there. Adrian, it's happening again. The Crown is taking away my daughter, just like with Georgiana. I'll never have a relationship with either of them."

"This isn't the same as Georgiana," Adrian said soothingly, despite doubting his own words. "This wasn't an affair, you both were single at the time. Hell, it was before you even met me. You were both young and on different paths. It sounds like her parents told her to do this, seconded by whatever sinister shadows whisper to the throne. She didn't do this to hurt you; she's not Maura."

"H-how many more kids do I have that I have no knowledge of? How many more lies have I been told?"

"Well, how many other people have you slept with? Especially rich or royal people?" Adrian asked. His words only made the tears flow harder.

"You're really going to slut shame me now?" Roman sobbed. "I was young, I don't know. Abe cheated on me and dumped me, and I was angry. No other royals- aside from you anyway. I had a kid to take care of, my college experience was rather unconventional."

"Hey, I was in college too, I get it. You weren't my first either, and there were a few others that I 'dated'. I only wanted to be sure that this was the last surprise to pop up in your life. We've made progress with Georgiana, we can make progress with Victoriana. This isn't the end. Plus, you have a beautiful, intelligent daughter that you would otherwise know nothing about. This is a hard thing to hear now, but it won't always be. Who knows how the future will go?"

"Why didn't she just tell me?" Roman groaned, leaning further into Adrian's arms for comfort. "We were friends. She could have told me. Her parents couldn't stop her from telling me, she's the queen of the largest country in the damn world!"

"She slipped up, remember?"

"No, nothing I've heard today makes sense. Everything has been a lie."

"She mentioned the reaper team in Arkhelios scaring her parents about something in Arkhelios," Adrian said softly. "What was happening in your life when you were with Claudia? I'd bet anything that they were talking about Theo almost dying after he was born and-"

"And my mother. Of course, is there any part of my life that she hasn't ruined?" Roman groaned, pulling away from Adrian to massage his now throbbing temples. "If Theo was pregnant with the child of a half demon who was using their shared bloodline to gain power, I'd hide him too."

"I would do the same," Adrian replied gently. "Any parent would. It sounds like the Goldmans were scared of losing their daughter and granddaughter, just like you almost lost me and the girls to your mother. We can work with this, this is good news. They didn't hide Victoriana because they hated you, they wanted to protect her. Now that your mother's gone, we can appeal to them. From what I hear, her parents are incredibly family oriented, just like Claudia is. We can use that. We won't win any custody battles, but maybe we can get some visitation rights. Maybe we could set up a call schedule or email correspondence to start out. This isn't Maura we're fighting. We'll figure this out."

"Do you think my mother could sense her in the end?" Roman asked, an all too familiar horror enveloping his thoughts. "She wanted Theo, but she still damaged Luci and Saturnia somehow. Neither of them have any supernatural abilities because of her. If I had been able to kill her, they might be as powerful as Theo or Rien. She took from them something precious. Did she hurt Victoriana too? Am I to blame for putting her in danger without even knowing it?"

"Hey, hey, don't even think about it," Adrian said. "Your mom's not coming back, and Victoriana looks healthy. We don't have to worry about her. Maybe she just didn't inherit as much from your family as Theo or Rien did. If we just let things settle down for a while, I know we can negotiate with Claudia. Things will work out."

"Adrian?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you call Abe? I...I want him here, but I don't... I don't want to tell him what happened. I...I can't. W-what if he's triggered by this into reliving the affair? I don't think he sees his therapist anymore like I do, but...what if...."

Roman trailed off, unable to even complete his thought. In an instant, Adrian's arms were wrapped around him, holding him tightly.

"Of course I can get him and of course he'll understand. You don't need to feel guilty about this, Roman. It happened when you were single, a long time ago. Abe loves you, he'll understand."

In an instant, Adrian disappeared, leaving Roman alone outside the palace doors. There was no way that Roman wanted to go home to the place he and Abe had fought over his infidelity. Not with news like this. No matter what Adrian said, Roman couldn't shake the deep feeling of self-loathing he felt for himself. He had been too wild as a teen. He'd been too careless about birth control. His family had scared away any chance of a connection to his daughter. He would have gotten Claudia killed just as easily as he had Adrian. There was something wrong, something unlovable about him that his parents had seen. They hadn't loved him because he didn't deserve it. Victoriana was probably better off without him in her life.

"Roman! I'm here! Adrian told me everything. I'm right here for you."

"Abe? You're not mad?"

Abe shook his head incredulously and took Roman into his arms.

"Of course I'm not mad," he said. "Why would I be mad? You were just as blindsided by this as I was. I love you, Roman. We'll get through this together. Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

"Who's watching the kids?"

Answering Abe's question was the last thing Roman wanted to do. How did he feel? He didn't. There was a gaping hole in his chest that was burning him from the inside out and he could hardly breathe. Crafting that feeling into words didn't seem possible.

"Adrian's with them. He teleported me here and then went back. When you're ready to teleport us back, he'll be waiting, probably with Evren. We'll all sort this out at whatever pace you want."

"Abe, I was never serious about Claudia, I promise. I was just trying to get back at you and you don't have to worry about me running back to her or anything, I never want to be with anyone else and-"

Abe silenced his husband with a gentle kiss.

"Ro, I know you're not about to run off with the queen of Pleasantview. We've rebuilt a lot of trust these past few years and I know you. You're having a meltdown and hating yourself, not trying to hide a love affair with a woman you see maybe once every few years in passing. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Then let's go home and make you some tea. I'm sure Evren has one of his concoctions that will help calm you down. Having a warlock in the family certainly helps sometimes. Theo may have him beat for pure power, but damn does that man know how to brew a potion."

Roman smiled slightly, until he thought about Abe's words.

"What are we going to tell Theo?" he groaned, his despair catching up to him once more. "He's going to hate me. How do I tell any of the kids? Theo might run into Victoriana at a school event. What if they hate each other? What if-"

"Magic tea now, worrying about the kids after," Abe insisted. "I'm sure Evren or Adrian will have an idea. Hell, even Lucy might have an idea or two. In the very unlikely event that Theo or the girls are angry, Aunt Lucy can set them straight. She knows a thing or two about hiding parentage from her kids and she doesn't worry about it."

"Your sister is a sociopath," Roman replied, the hint of a smile starting. Abe smiled back at him.

"A sociopath who cares about you. Give her an afternoon, she'll have Claudia's monarchy in ruins."

"Thanks, Abe. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"And you'll never have to know. I'm not going anywhere. Let's go home."

[honkadori]

twined around your heart

pairing: Rimuru x Veldora summary: Even good slimes can be a bit bad sometimes, and Rimuru finally gets to be with Veldora. wc: 8.5k tags: established relationship, genderfluid character, tentacle sex, telepathic bond

Preview:

It turned out Veldora wasn't half-bad as a partner.

No, scratch that– he was perfect. Because of various reasons that had nothing to do with being a little tsundere slime, Rimuru would never admit that to the guy himself. Not even if threatened by a certain Oni princess' terrifying stare, not even if poked a million times by Hinata's blade. But he was. Perfect, that is.

Given his personality, he had anticipated Veldora to be somewhat selfish, mentally bracing himself for it. He even drafted a little speech about boundaries and practiced it with Raphael, but he didn't need it in the end. Surprisingly, Veldora was actually rather mature, defying all Rimuru's assumptions about the dragon. Sure, he didn’t quite give up on his antics, still loafing around like a total neet and scurrying to hide behind the slime whenever stuff got too hard for him. But the way he acted in regard to their relationship was another story altogether. Veldora could understand at a glance when to give Rimuru space, or when he needed comfort. Always within reach but never overbearing, his reassuring presence was always just a step away from him, immersed in a manga on whatever comfy furniture he found.

To say that he appreciated this would be very reductive. Even after their erm… talk in the cavern, it still took a bit of time for Rimuru to shed away all the reservations he had and embark on a (sort of) stable relationship. Even as a part of him clung to the notion that relationships weren't really for him, Veldora’s understanding attitude helped him to open up quite a lot. He was unexpectedly tender and patient with him, making Rimuru reconsider what he truly wanted and needed.

Their bond surely played a significant role in all of this, but there was something else lingering under there. In fact, even though Rimuru shared a soul corridor with other of his allies, it wasn’t the same with them. While the link with the others was just a means of communication and strategic convenience, the bond with Veldora was so different and much more than that– it was an undeniable force that beckoned him, an undercurrent of shared sentiments that enveloped his soul in light.

In his previous life, he had often heard people talking about sharing a "connection" with their partners, something that to Rimuru’s ears always sounded both incredibly romantic and totally absurd. Now that he was experiencing it, he finally understood why those couples often had a dreamy look when describing it. A simple shared glance, exchanged across the meeting table, was enough to kindle a gentle warmth inside him– one felt all the more intensely by his body, so dulled to any other sensation. It was a feeling that slowly suffused his entire being, the dragon’s presence resonating deeply within him. In those moments, it felt as if the world around them vanished, their souls intertwined… and suddenly he didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Before he knew it, he would find himself lost in the dragon's golden gaze, its charm too strong to resist. His focus would become wholly consumed, every ounce of his attention fixing on Veldora and him alone. From there, it was only a matter of time before Rimuru would rise on shaky knees to reschedule whatever he was doing at that moment, whether it be playing with Ramiris and Milim or engaged in otherwise more important matters. Then, when finally alone behind closed doors, he would yield to that irresistible pull and have the dragon make him his.

Much to Rimuru's (dis)pleasure, this happened so often that it became troublesome, especially considering he was running out of creative excuses to tell his subordinates. Not like there was any use in hiding their relationship– Veldora already made it very public the first time they were together– but some stuff he felt was better left unsaid.

Deeming himself the more judicious of the two, Rimuru made the executive decision to impose some rules, if only to avoid prying gazes following him with curiosity when he slipped for the third time in a row in the onsen. So he decided to do it once a week to a maximum of three times– enough to take the edge off, as he put it. And while he expected Veldora would have the hardest time, Rimuru was convinced that he himself wouldn’t have any problems with this arrangement. After all, he had managed to resist for almost 40 years without doing it, what would a mere couple of days of wait be?

As the saying goes, having a taste of something makes it even harder to resist.

Little did he know this held even more true now that he was now a monster. A demon lord, no less. Suffice it to say, Rimuru found himself uncomfortably well-acquainted with the implications of that saying. Not even two weeks into the arrangement, he had given up any pretense of keeping it.

One morning, the pent-up frustration overcame his reluctance to admit he had even less restraint than Veldora did. With thunderous steps, Rimuru strode into the labyrinth's still-under-construction corridors, grasped a handful of Veldora’s cape without a word, and dragged him away from whatever he was doing with Ramiris. Ignoring the fairy's protests, he teleported them both to his hut where he didn’t hesitate to straddle the dragon and have his way with him for days.

In the end, Rimuru was the one being selfish, but in his defense… the sex was very, very good. Not ever in his life (lives, actually) would Rimuru think he'd be having this much sex, and yet here he was. Maybe it was thanks to having bodies incapable of feeling pain, thus tiredness; maybe the magicules they inevitably shared during sex gave them enough stamina to continue without ever feeling the need to stop; maybe Rimuru wanted to catch up on all that he missed; maybe they couldn't get enough of each other, of their connection, of their pleasure shared in the cozy space of their souls… Anyway, it was incredibly addicting, and for a while, Rimuru was happy with it.

Until he started craving something else, something more.

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

One year later.... 11/11/2024

I'm sitting here with tears running down my cheeks as I just finished reading the post I wrote to myself on 11/7/2023. Wow, life changed for the better. I didn't realize I'd be coming back here almost a year later to gush about the person I am now, the people in my life, and the overall happiness I experience day in and day out right now.

But let's rewind back to November 2023 for a second...

I am filled with so much emotion reading my" "final" note about Derek. While I can't say I held to my full promise at the time, I can say that I never fell back into the loop, and for that I can be proud of myself. I've pushed a lot of our relationship out of the forefront of my mind, but looking back to last November, after taking a few weeks apart, I received a text like clockwork telling me that he regretted everything and was finally ready to do this. His texts came with a lot of strong words, but if there's one thing I learned over our 3 years together, it's that his actions never matched. While not agreeing to his plea I did miss him like crazy, so I took the next weeks following his text to think about where to go from here. It wasn't until I returned to the city that we had our actual final talk, but this time I didn't see it coming. Truthfully, going into it, I thought that this was it. This was gonna take a serious turn for the better and he was about to be my boyfriend (I CLEARLY FORGOT THIS PAST LETTER TO SELF!!!), but after a grueling night of his actions not meeting his words yet again and coming to the conclusion that we truly had very different ideas of what we wanted in life, I re-remembered exactly why we were walking away from each other and the next morning after a sleepless night, we said goodbye and closed the final page of our book (and now I can actually say, for good this time).

The days, weeks, and months that followed were challenging to say the least. I not only lost someone I loved, but I lost someone who was a HUGE part of my story in new york. Truthfully, I never really knew what living here was like without him. My lease renewal was approaching and I started to think... Am I delaying my entire future by staying in New York for another year? Not that my life was fueled by finding a partner, but it did feel impossible to come to terms with trying to find someone in this city who wanted the same things (one important piece being that I saw a future back in California, not NY). I went on a few dates with new people, hoping that I could get past this idea and just have a bit of "fun", but I spent the majority of my days putting time into myself, friendships, my health, etc. I was refalling in love with new york for all the reasons I loved it. Not who I loved in it. No longer was my life fueled by the ups and downs of a very toxic relationship, but I was finally doing things for myself - and it felt great.

I still wanted to have fun and meet new people and actually give "dating in New York" a try. I mean, sure all I heard was horror stories, but this time, I didn't have my plan b to fall back on, so what's the worst that could happen. One random day scrolling hinge, a new like appeared in my inbox. His name was Evan. He had bright blue eyes, quirky photos, and best of all... From LOS ANGELES. I figured this had to be too good to be true. We started exchanging some messages, and sooner or later, we decided to meet for drinks in the coming week. As the date approached, I received a message saying that he had covid and could no longer make it but wanted to reschedule when he was better. Disappointed, to say the least, I gave it a week until he returned to the city from a trip to Seattle. He had mentioned he was back Monday, but by Tuesday, I still hadn't heard from him. I went back and forth, asking myself, "Should I just ask HIM if he's still down??". I really had nothing to lose. I wasn't even seriously dating to find someone I was just looking for a bit of fun to get over Derek. But I felt like this could be different. I wasn't going to let this person, who was my type on paper to a tee, just pass me by because of timing and being too afraid to say something. Again, I had nothing to lose, so fuck it. I texted him asking if he was still down to do something this week, and next thing you know, we had a date planned for THAT NIGHT.

I was so nervous, but yet so excited at the same time (something I rarely feel when meeting someone new). Nervous yes, but excited? Definitely not after the failure of the 3 dates I went on prior. Although it was a rainy Tuesday night, I made my way downtown to "Undercote". Stepping off the subway, I took a quick Snapchat saying, "Am I about to meet my future husband, or will this just be another failed date." I secretly hoped it wasn't the latter.

I walked through the doors and eagerly, but nervously walked into the small dimly lit bar and saw Evan sitting there. He was even more handsome than I had hoped.

I knew from the moment I met him I was into him. I mean how could I not be?? He was charming, kind, and a good listener. We also had so much in common given that we both grew up in LA and even both went to school in SD. On top of that, we literally lived in the same apartment complex in Playa Vista, just at different times. It truly felt like there was an invisible string bringing us together. After the date, he walked me to the subway (which I thought was the most kind thing ever... that's how low my standards were....). After a quick hug goodbye, we parted ways, and I couldn't get that dumb smile off my face. I'm screwed.

I got home and immediately called Drew for moral support. I was sure there was no way someone as handsome and charming as him would like me. An hour passed, debating if I should text him, thanking him for the date, the next thing you know, "New Message from Evan" popped up on my phone. I let out an ecstatic scream absolutely beside myself, that he might just have felt the same way about our date. After a brief conversation saying we both enjoyed the night, our next date was already on the table. That Saturday, we'd go out for dinner and I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about him from the moment I met him.

That date was over 8 months ago now. Yesterday, Evan and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary from the day he took me out to a fancy classic NY spot "Raoul's" and stood there with a rose in hand, asking me to take his "final rose''. That same rose now sits upon the mirror in my bedroom, which may have dried out, but still fills my heart every time i see it and reminds me how damn lucky I am, but also how proud I am that I made it to the other side to a place I deserved so badly.

Tears fill my eyes, thinking about how positively different this relationship makes me feel. He's my best friend, my favorite person to do things with, my everything. He built back up every piece of me that was destroyed by Derek the prior 3 years. Evan gave me everything I craved in a relationship. Security, romance, adventure... he fit every box I needed. The past 8 months have truly been bliss. I have fallen in love with someone who knows me better than I know myself, has treated me with honesty and kindness from the day we met, and meets me 100% of the time with my wants and needs, I don't even have to ask.

He's met my family, attended my brother's wedding, and spent time with my grandparents, giving them his undivided attention, and I am about to go to his family's home to celebrate Christmas in just over a month. I'd be lying if I said the future and the unknown don't scare me. I can see it all with him. I can see him in my life forever.. and it's so scary but so exciting. There is still so much life we have in front of us, and with that, I am sure, will come challenges. But truthfully, I do think we are capable. One thing that weighs on me heavily is the idea of moving out of NY soon. I think my timeline will be sooner than his, but I hope we are able to figure it out together and do what's best for both of us.

It's crazy to think 3 years of my life were spent with someone so wrong for me, but I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for the hell Derek put me through to understand what I need and what I deserve. I can't believe I manifested a person like Evan. He's everything I ever dreamed of in a partner.

So with all this said, today is 11/11 and with that there are some things I want to manifest for the future.

I want to move back to LA WITH Evan. I want it to be at a time that is right for both of us, but I do want to live somewhere in CA with him.

I want to marry him. I legit could never see myself with someone else.

I want a family with Evan one day. He would be the most amazing dad.

Lastly, I will feel safe in this relationship. He will never lose my trust.

Well, that's all for now. For once, I can't wait to come back here and tell you all the more there is to know about the love and life we're building.

xoxo

Casey

[koukamisstuff]

Ready to Love

Chapter Seventeen - Unexpectedly

Kita didn't want to admit it but he felt very relieved when he could walk you home. Maybe because it was a chance to make up for the last time he tried and Sawako got in the way or that he wanted to be around you a bit longer.

But for whatever reason, now was his chance to take you home and rewrite that day... or maybe it was just a hopeful dream?

*******************************************************

"Where'd these gray clouds come from? Will I be able to get L/N-san home before it rains?" that thought crossed his mind a lot on your walk home together. He clearly remembered how worried he was if he even felt one droplet fall onto him. His main goal now went from casually walking you home to being sure you got there as quickly as possible because unlike this dream...he didn't have an umbrella for you.

Did you catch colds easily? Would the rain ruin things you had in your bag? Will my jacket be enough to keep you dry? Maybe it's best if I walk on the outside, so if it rained cars wouldn't splash water on you? Wait was I walking too fast? Kita was aware of his habit to take care of people but there was something about you thag he couldn't get off his mind. He realize how anxious he felt being around you but he didn't hate the feeling either.

Why not...?

Kita suddenly woke up with his face burning up and his heart racing... did he catch a cold?

It was now about 9:30AM and Kita had a second to think about his current situation. He wasn't even sure why he got sick so suddenly, a little rain never bested him before.

Yet now here he lay in bed exhausted, head throbbing, and his body rejecting the warmth his blankets tried to serve. He remembers hearing his phone buzz and checking to see your name. He forgot to tell you he felt fine...but that be a lie. He took a look at the last message you sent him, not realizing his texts with you were even wrong.

"I think you're trying to say grandmother, please tell her that I'm on my way."

"L/N-san... is coming here??" Kita thought as he placed his phone down and laid back down into bed. For the second time today he felt his heart race and face heat up, but to Kita it was because of his cold.

*knock knock*

"Shin-chan, I'm coming in." the sound of the sweetest and softest voice came from the other side of the door. "I brought you some tea."

"Thank you Oba-chan." He said as he sat up to receive the cup from her.

"I came to check if you felt any better. I'm going to go to the market soon to get some ingredients for your soup."

"I thought you had a doctor's appointment?"

She hesitated, "Yes, in a few hours. But you're sick so I'll just reschedule."

"Oba-chan, don't worry about me. Onee-chan can still take you, it's an important check up and it's best if you don't miss it." His grandma looked at him with worried eyes, it was really rare for him to get sick. But, even if he had a cold he didn't want them to change their plans, like how his brother offered to stay with him but Kita reminded him he had an exam to go to.

"Oba-chan please go to your appointment."

"But who would take care of you? Both your brother and sister will be out."

Kita knew his grandma wouldn't go unless he convinced her he would be in good hands, "I was going to tell you that I was just told by a friend that she was heading over here."

"She?" A look of both curiosity and shock came over her.

"She was going to drop papers off for our trip and if anything happens I'll ask her to call you. This way you can go to your appointment and not worry."

"I see..." He convinced her.

"Her name is L/N-san. She asked to let you know she'd be on her way and you can let me know when she's arrived."

"Alright Shin-chan. I'll still go to the market soon so she can have something to give you if you get hungry..." as she was about to walk back outside she stopped to look at Kita, "... when you feel better, be sure to invite her for dinner. I'd like to meet the first girl you've invited over."

His grandma had left him with that pending invitation and for the third time today... his heart raced and his face heated up.

I need to get over this cold.

A knock at the door let Kita's grandma know that someone was here. She had been getting ready to go to the market to get things to make Kita soup but wanted to wait for the girl he had coming over to get there.

*opens door*

"Hello there, you must be L/N-san. My grandson mentioned you'd be stopping by. Please come in."

"Hello, why yes that would be me."

She gently smiled, while guiding her in the door, "I hope you didn't have too much trouble finding the way here."

"None at all." She smiled back.

*20 minutes earlier*

Masterlist - Previous / Next

Side Notes:

OMG ... whose idea was this?

Sooooo.... yes. The beginning part happens when Kita's dreaming and wakes up in the early morning because of his cold.

He got Y/N home in time before it rained but the worry about you because of his lack of an umbrella bothered him all night... how was he not prepared for the weather?

Riseki (in my story) lives in Kita's neighborhood. I also had to pull straws here because I couldn't see any of the 3rd or 2nd years going along with Sawako. Since he respects Kita a lot, wanting to return the favor for all he does, so he wouldn't think twice that Sawako would be using him.

Trying my best to mention Kita's siblings.

What does this cold mean for Y/N and Kita?

TAGLIST: @onelostgirl @alfi-ry @luna-vitae-suae @neologyro @its-the-aerieljeane @sassyglassesbunny @hydrogwyn @putmeinyourdeathnote @fandomsgotmefucked @chantalkate16 @phoenix-eclipses @bananasquash @devildreamers @yuuuumiiin @01trickster10 @m1e-saun0 @ermespop

Taglist is open, if you'd like to be added just send in an ask, comment or PM. :)

Authors Note: I apologize for skipping an update last week. My family and I were celebrating the new year.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Can I ask why the guidance counselor's assistant wanted to fight you to the point of stalking? This wasn't Recruiter Scott or whatever his name was, was it? Why did you have multiple adult stalkers that's really fucked up btw

You are thinking of a different blog with the stalker recruiter story sorry, I’m like 98% sure it was @ gallusrostromegalus. 

But anyway- the Assistant. It was a brand new job for her and she wanted to do Really Well. There were a couple of guidance counselors at the school, and I’m not sure if she was working for all of them or just my specific guy, but. I was apparently the only transfer student or something that year (10th grade) so she literally latched on to me. It was so weird. Like at first it was just sorta, oh, okay, she just wants to make sure I’m adjusting to the new school well, okay. But then she just…wouldn’t leave me alone? Like she kept showing up outside of my classes to talk to me, and she kept pulling me out of lunch to make me eat with her so we could discuss how stuff was going. But then she’d be like…Molly, you aren’t making any friends! What’s the problem? And I’d be like, you literally keep pulling me out of lunch where I have an entire table full of friends who are wondering where I am! But she never believed me??? Because I was sitting at an all senior table (two of the girls I knew thru theater) and she like. Didn’t believe seniors would be my friends or something?

And she just kept doing stuff like this like…I got into an academic problem at one point because my history teacher forgot to grade an important essay, but before my meeting with him she was on a tangent about how my grades are constantly in peril of failing (they weren’t) and even after the teacher showed up and literally said, “Sorry, this was my mistake, I remember Molly’s essay on Roanoke very well, I can’t believe I forgot to enter the grade” she was like…still acting like it was my fault? Like I acted irresponsibly somehow that made him forget to enter the grade for a paper I turned in and he read? And she did this with all my classes. Like she just kept really over exaggerating how bad I was doing in them (Like, I was only really having any issues in math and science, and none of those issues were Failure Worthy, like, I was still a pretty average student?) She kept trying to call Academic Emergency Meetings™ with like me, my mom and the teachers and every time they’d be like “She’s fine why are we here” it was so weird. 

I think the problem was she probably had a hold of my transcripts- when I switched school’s they made me come in to take an aptitude test or an iq test or something, and I got a REALLY HIGH score on that and the school was all excited and kept telling me about their honors programs, but then they got the transcripts of my grades and were like “oh. Well. Why don’t we start you off in a nice normal class”. And I think she must’ve probably saw that and determined I wasn’t applying myself or something, but the actual problem was just I Was That Unfortunate Kid Who Did Bad On Standardized Tests No Matter What. Like, give me a paper or a report and I’m fine, but tests just never worked out for some reason, it was so annoying. But of course that’s a Ridiculous Excuse, Molly, and I think she must’ve come up with the idea that like if she can make me try harder I’d be an amazing student and she could take all the credit for it? 

So it gets to the point where this woman is following me from class to class, badgering me the whole way about how I must be the laziest student she’s ever seen, and then she keeps pulling me out of lunch to complain even more about how I’m not applying myself or putting myself out there enough and that’s why I can’t find a place to fit in at the school, because obviously the fact some woman was stealing literally ALL of my free time had absolutely nothing to do with that, that’d be ridiculous. This went on the ENTIRE first semester. 

And as I mentioned in the post I referenced this lady in- I had a partially torn Achilles tendon that wasn’t healing properly, so I was really slacking in gym class. Like, I just really need to paint the picture of why I was putting off gym class: I was told to stay off my feet as much as possible. But this was a BIG SCHOOL (the distract blew like all their money on it making it the huge and ridiculous with way too many features and then they were like ‘wow oops suddenly we’re poor’). I had classes all over the school. So even if I didn’t have gym one day, it’d still be enough walking that my ankle would be swollen by the time I got home. And the gym classes were like “run laps for six minutes and then do ridiculous amounts of stretches until the teacher gets bored and then get shoved into a game of soccer or whatever with the most competitive kids in the school”, and then the big ‘final’ grade for the semester was to run the mile in however many minutes. And if I can’t get through gym class without tapping out or heading to the nurse’s office, there’s no way I could have run a mile. So, I kept putting it off. The gym teacher’s still weren’t accepting my story without a doctor’s note, so I just, uh, started getting the stomach bug on days they rescheduled it to. And here’s the thing- like 97% of gym class is just showing up. By all means, I was passing gym class. If I just didn’t run the mile, it wouldn’t have even brought me to a failing grade, it just wouldn’t have been a grade up to the standard’s of this ridiculously fitness obsessed high school (I remember when I told them my 9th grade school didn’t have gym class, they all looked like they were gonna have a stroke from the sheer shock of it). 

So this lady, who is 100% stalking me by this point, to the point where teachers and other students are asking me wtf is going on, I’d walk out and see her and literally feel sick I was getting so annoyed- but she’s loosing her shit about this gym thing. She kept trying to convince me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life by ditching the mile (and like first off, she had no proof I hadn’t been sick, so I was insulted by that), that not running the mile was going to leave a permanent stain on my record, this was totally going to effect my entire academic career, they were going to SUSPEND me if I didn’t run it, and like…I am a shy ass person!!! I couldn’t bring myself to ask anyone for help with this situation because the concept of talking to people was scary!!! Like, my mom new it was a Problem but she figured it was just because I was a new student. I definitely knew what was going on was an issue, but I was like 15 and couldn’t figure out how to stand up for myself and get her to leave me alone. I take ‘being polite’ to the point of a character flaw, sometimes. 

So, one day, after pulling me out of class like five times to tell me I absolutely have to go to this mile run, because it’s the last after-school scheduled one before they like, I don’t know, kill me and sacrifice my body fat to the gods or something, I’m trying to sneak onto the bus because dude. My ankle was visibly throbbing. You could literally SEE it moving it hurt so bad. This woman intercepted me and like practically dragged me to the track- which was, of course: To the front office, out a secret side door, across two parking lots, up five different flights of steps, and down a winding path before we FINALLY get to the track- and I’m trying to like, not be forced into this, like hey teachers, would you just literally look at my leg for a moment- And this woman fucking snaps. Starts going off like, I’m a bitch and an awful student and incapable of making friends, I’m too lazy and I’m never gonna succeed in life, she spent like!!! 10 minutes telling me that I’m the worst person to exist!!! It was so fucking ridiculous. I tried to speak up for myself at that point, which just enraged her more and like, you could tell she was getting ready to physically fight me. Like this woman was literally going to pounce on me, one of the teacher’s made her leave at that point and she just stormed off. So I’m like, Totally Not Crying and can barely walk and just almost got punched by a guidance counselor, but, oh, well, you missed your bus, and in the time it’ll take for your mother to come get you, you might as well just run the mile!!!! 

I was LIMPING by the end of it (and I finished like, 20 minutes after the other students that had to make it up, so I got a bad grade on it ANYWAY). I was then left to my own devices to get back to the front of the school where my mother was to pick me up, and I wasn’t very well acquainted with the outside of the building yet, so after getting turned around more times than I’m proud of I finally get there, literally crawling and Totally Not Crying. 

My mom called my guidance counselor the next day and like- honestly, this poor man. He was this tiny old, Mister Roger’s knock-off who barely spoke above a whisper. My mom literally M U R D E R E D him oh my God the other people in the front office could hear her yelling through his phone. 

I don’t know if the lady got fired or if the school just did a Very Good Job at keeping her away from me, but I never saw her again after that. She was not missed.