#*takes notes *middle aged men love to talk about shaving their faces and debating the homosexuality of colorful objects. especially clothin

[shamebats]

A few weeks ago I was asked if a pair of shorts were "gay" (they kind of were - I'd totally wear them - but I didn't want to fuel the guy's anxieties) and he decided to donate them because he felt too insecure about their perceived homosexuality to keep wearing them. Today I watched multiple dudes comment on another dude's "gay suitcase" (it's hot pink) and he had to repeatedly explain that he got it for really cheap and it's a good suitcase. Middle aged straight men are fascinating. I'm learning so much about their culture.

[lunaschild2016]

Stand Alone: Chapter 7

A little something I cooked up while editing and working on Worth Fighting For; which I will be posting a chapter for in the next couple of days! In the meantime hope you enjoy this story. Will be a short but hopefully good one.

Rating T/M ( Language, Violence, There will be smut, Angst, Tragedy, Romance, Fluff)

@kenzieam @pathybo @jaihardy @ericdauntless @beautifulramblingbrains @bookgirlthings @jojuarez26 @oddsnendsfanfics @offroadinjandals @singingpeople @iammarylastar @irasancti @captstefanbrandt @clublulu333 @fuckthatfeeling @tigpooh67 @ex-bookjunky @jughead-wuz-here @badassbaker @beanzjellly @beltz2016 @meganbee15 @affabletimelady @scorpio2009 @gylisaa @geekybeyondallreason  @violetsonthelam

[Choosing age is 16. OC transferred year after Eric. Tris and Co. came in the next year. This begins a year after Tris comes to Dauntless. Tori Wu is younger than the books but six years older than OC]

Inspired by the song; Stand Alone by Generdyn ft. Zayde Wolfe

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Thank you guys so much for all the love the story is getting. It has made my week!

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Chapter 7

Strange dreams and visions visited Bree interspersed with tormenting pain and memories. When these instances occurred they would always be followed by rough hands upon her skin or hair, mumbling that she couldn’t make sense of before she was floating away. Any trace of the pain was leached away by whatever she was being coaxed to drink; blissful quiet and dark took the memories away as well.

Eric kept a close watch on Elle, and anytime she started to come around but was still locked in what he knew had to be bad dreams, he was there to soothe her back to rest. He thought nothing of all the things that come with the care of someone injured and unable to do so for themselves. It was compartmental-ism in how he was seeing her while being her caretaker. Any lustful or inappropriate thoughts were on tight lock down.

Four and Zeke had left at first light after resting as much as possible. The morning they left Four had woken to find Eric outside, sipping coffee and looking out over what he admitted, was a stunning view now that it was light.

Helping himself to a cup of coffee he joined Eric where they sat drinking their beverage in about as companionable silence as they had ever experienced before. Sometime during the night the old grudges and animosity fell away.

“It struck me last night, this question of what if.” Eric started out, breaking the silence of the new morning. “What if we had let go of all that shit long ago and tried working together instead of against each other? Would it have made a bit of difference to what ended up happening? The only reason I hated you so much and harbored such a grudge against you was because your placing first and being offered the leadership position; it threatened everything that I knew I had to do and become to work against Jeanine.”

Eric looked over to Four to see his surprised and shocked expression.

“At one point back then I had been ok with if you took leadership, or I would have been if I thought you could or would be willing to do what needed to be done or even just help me. When you turned the position down though, the resentment turned to disgust because to me it was like you didn’t have the guts to stand up for what was right.” Eric took a breath and looked away. “I never stopped to ask myself if you even knew there was something like what I was trying to work against on the horizon. I never even asked why you would turn it down. I just assumed it was because you were scared of your father but that wasn’t why you did it, was it?”

Four tilted his head and shook it. “No it wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of having to see him or interact with him didn’t exactly appeal to me and if I could get out of it, I would have. The bigger issues for me were all about me being able to control myself. I have his blood coursing through me, but I also have my mother’s too. Both of my parents were poor examples for any child to follow as proven by their power hungry and destructive ends. I was afraid of what I would do with power if I had it. I was also afraid of the times I knew I would need to face him and if I would be able to control myself from putting him six feet under or just cripple him. When I found out about my mother, this was just doubled. The thought in my mind was, they couldn’t have started out like they were, at least I don’t remember my mother always being like she was towards the end of her life. What if I started out just fine but something in me that they both had, changed me and I became them?”

Eric nodded in understanding. “What do you think now? Do you think that would or will happen?”

Four shrugs with a frown. “Maybe being aware that I don’t want to end up like that will be enough to curb anything should I start in that direction. It probably also helps…” he stopped and a small lopsided smile started to form “...it also helps I have someone like Tris to stand beside me. To kick my ass back straight when I need it. So maybe it takes both, self awareness but also someone there by your side to help you that you trust and love.”

His words resounded with Eric and some kind of bridge was created between the two men. Zeke joined them soon after and they all talked more about the plans for leaving the city and who made up the group leaving. Eric had to agree with Zeke about trying to talk Tris out of letting Peter go along with them.

He might have saved Tris but he had flipped flopped sides and behavior too much to be trusted. Four wasn’t sure if he could convince Tris of this mentality but when Eric suggested they talk to Johanna and get her to talk to Tris he said he would.

Eric had walked them as far as the drop point for supplies before he raced back to the cabin. There was a note from Johanna that more supplies would be brought by cart for preparation of Brendan staying there but also for tending to Elle. She couldn’t be left on her own for long periods of time so most all his normal routine was halted. His next days and even nights were spent in that armchair beside her bed and any signs of pain were taken care of immediately.

It was a week before she stayed lucid for any significant amount of time. She was still confused and muddled, nowhere near ready to come off the pain medication but had tried to put off getting another dose until she tried to get more information. There were things she needed to know and needed Eric to know.

“How long have I been out of it?” Was the first question she had and it was slurred in a broken voice.

This was asked in the middle of Eric tending to her. When she noticed something that looked like a bedpan, she had felt a hazed mortification and weakly asked if she could use the bathroom herself. Having to be carried there wasn’t that much better but she considered it the lesser of evils of the two options.

Just the act of sitting up for that long left her tired and in pain.

“You have been here about a week but most of that has been heavily medicated and sedated. I had some healing serums and some more were dropped with the last supply delivery.” Eric informed her as he helped get her settled, gave her some more meds and water, then sat back down beside her.

Whatever she was given worked fast so with a panic she asked as many questions as she could. Or rather she tried to but they just came out as names.

“Brendan? Tris and Chris?” Then one name that floated to her mind made her remember the last event she clearly remembered. Fat hot tears rolled from her eyes and she gasped in pain of a different kind. “Tori!”

Her broken sob tore at him and without thinking he laid himself beside her and took her in his arms. Like in that room back in Dauntless he comforted her like it was second nature.

He didn’t try and tell her it would be ok because he was still struggling himself to be ok. He did hold her though until the small sobs stopped and her body relaxing suggested she was asleep once again.

Eric debated with himself but in the end he stayed where he was and joined her in much needed rest.

The next time Elle woke was to Eric stretched out beside her instead of hunched over asleep in the chair that looked a dolls chair with his large frame in it. She was slightly more alert but still unable to move much. The light coming from the window of the bedroom indicated it was late afternoon, maybe closer to dusk.

She remembered Eric taking her in his arms just before she surrendered to sleep. He was still close but had moved to his side with an arm around her waist. He looked so different from the man she always knew and the one she left a few months ago.

He had grown his hair so that the top of it had a mass of curls while the sides he had always kept so closely shaved were growing in. A beard covered his face, hiding the severe jawline while somehow accenting his lips.

The most notable difference was the lack of tattoos on his neck. His leader tattoos that he worked so hard and sacrificed so much for.

She lifted a hand and softly ran her fingers along the area where she remembered the symmetrical shapes had lived. There had been a time she had fantasized about doing just what she was doing now, but never without the bold black ink present.

Eric had felt her moving and remained quiet, eyes closed and waiting for her reaction to him being in bed with her. He had meant to wake long before now and take care of a few things. Including making a soup or stew for her to eat now that she was awake enough to do so.

She hadn’t said anything and he was just about to open his eyes to see if she had fallen back to sleep when he felt the light touch of her fingers at his neck. His eyes popped open and he looked at her to find her absorbed in the path her fingertips were taking. The path his former tattoos once made.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered so softly, thinking he was still asleep. She gave a slight jerk when his hand rose to gently engulf hers.

“Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for, Brielle.” He replied firmly even if his tone was gentle as well.

“Don’t I?” She said in a broken whisper but refused to give in to tears again.

Eric sighed and reached out, placing his hand to the side of her face gently. “Just like you believing in me so strongly...that I had done everything I could to help in the way I could; you did the same thing Elle. I don’t know that given what we were up against….anything could have stopped it but we had to try right? You had to try.”

“The cost though...so many...they are gone and I can’t help but feel I did this.” Elle admitted and gritted her teeth angrily.

“I feel the same way. I think we all are going to feel that way. Taking blame on ourselves because we can’t imagine there wasn’t something we could have or should have done differently.”

They sank into quiet again as they drew comfort from each other’s presence but also their shared feelings. Elle did drift in and out of sleep but didn’t have to take any medications. Eric watched her for a bit longer then got out of bed and went to make them both something to eat while he was lost in his own mind and feelings.

When it was ready he went to wake her up and once again helped to get her settled. It was just a simple soup that she drank from the large mug he brought it in. A few slices of bread were on a plate and Elle wrinkled her nose at it.

She saw Eric tearing into a few slices of his own and scooping up broth from his bowl. A chuckle bubbled from her and turned into a laugh.

“That explains the new softer Eric. Your all hopped up on peace and love serums!”

Eric had finished eating his last scoop full and had quirked an eyebrow at the unexpected and sudden laughter from her. Not that it wasn’t welcome. When he heard the reason he got a broad grin and shrugged with a playful wink.

“When in Rome right?” He laughed at her expression then shook his head. “Nah, there isn’t any of the usual serums in the bread delivered here. Apparently the old man claimed some kind of violent allergy to them so anything left or delivered is free of it. Johanna reassured me of that after the disaster of my first attempt to make my own bread.”

“Ok...now I know I have to be in some kind of drug induced dream. You tried to bake bread?” Elle asked but snagged the piece of bread on her plate that Eric had started eyeing.

He glared at her for a second but then sighed. “I thought, how hard can that shit be? Apparently it is a ‘delicate’ process. I was able to make a pretty decent cake though.”

The two of them both gave a slight wistful sigh and spoke at the same time. “I’ll miss Dauntless cake.”

It was with blushing and laughs they finished the light dinner. And after they were done and he had gotten her ready for bed, then her medications; she reached for his hand when he would have settled himself in the chair again.

“You can use the bed too.” Her voice and suggestion was timid and she hoped it sounded weak because of the fast working medications.

Eric bit his bottom lip and worried it in contemplation. “Are you sure?”

She gave a small nod. “If you want. I trust you and it isn’t fair for you to sleep on that tiny chair or couch.”

He was going to protest about fairness but in truth he wanted nothing more. So he moved to the other side of the bed after nodding to her with a reassuring smile and slid under the covers beside her.

Her whispered ‘goodnight’ seemed to echo in the quiet darkness. He returned it with his own whispered goodnight as he felt her already fading beside him. Then he pulled her to him as he let himself fade as well.