#*shaking ludinus with tears in my eyes* you're so scared of fate but you can't just let yourself be! you can't just be!
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something about ludinus coming so close to being a druid, to being a force with nature, to being a keyleth of his time (especially seeing how parralelled their beliefs, lifespans, & weights on their shoulders are). but being so terrified of giving in to a cause. of not having full control of it. he creates & toys with synthetic nature because he cannot control it otherwise. he butchers ashari practices & slaughters fey to gain their abilities. he doesn't even want the power. he just needs it because the calamity showed him what being powerless in the face of infinity meant. calamity cannot happen again. what the gods did cannot happen again. but he ensures it does, as he chooses to face infinity with all the power he now has in tow.
to be a wizard in the age of arcanum was to take. was to create anew by taking. was to scoff at druids & their pathetic thoughtfulness to the old ways & their slow softer ways of life in the face of "progress". to chase a way to prove to the gods they were equals or better, because to face the idea they were just small specks in the universe and that was okay was terrifying. ludinus is terrified of being a person. he's terrified of admitting he could be small. because he knows what he's done to those under his boot, and he knows it is ugly. surely everything bigger than me, is a predator like predathos. like me. surely everyone would rend the world apart to feel whole like him.
somewhere in the luxon ludinus covets, desperate to escape fate, theres a side of the dodecahedron, saying: you could have been a druid.
and it's making me weepy.
#van speaks#critical role#critical role meta#cr spoilers#campaign 3#ludinus da'leth#*shaking ludinus with tears in my eyes* you're so scared of fate but you can't just let yourself be! you can't just be!#you're tethering yourself to destiny by not realizing you could just! be!
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