#*proud parent noises* he can't be fixed

[nights-at-crystarium]

This's Vivi 101, if you watch this a lot of things about him might click into place and you'd go "ooooh!". Also this entire channel is my writing bible. I hadn't even heard much about the enneagram before LSM spoon-fed it to me in a way I can easily understand.

Also chat what type do you think Emet and Raha are? I'm inclined to say 2 bc they need to be needed.

They can't say no to a situation where they get to be useful, and loved (not admired) as a reward. Raha might be even creating scenarios where he gets to be useful. Emet's entire overlong existence's motivated by "my people aren't dead and they need me". But that's just my interpretation, I'm curious to hear yours.

[dreamauri]

♪ — 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗬 𝗪𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗦 - part seven lando norris x  fem! streamer! reader (fluff) series summary . . . After unexpectedly making a new friend during a stream, Lando finds himself addicted to playing video games with this girl who he can't get out of his head. His addiction gets worse when he somehow finds himself yearning for her company, eager to spend time with her in any shape or form, whether it's online or maybe possibly in person.

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The campus buzzed with excitement, the air thick with the sound of applause and laughter, students in caps and gowns mingling with proud families. Lando sat in the audience, his cap tugged low, trying to blend in. His eyes stayed glued to you as your name was called. He straightened in his seat, his heart swelling as you stepped onto the stage, radiant in your graduation gown, to receive your degree.

He clapped enthusiastically, his whistle cutting through the noise of the crowd. The grin on his face was as wide as the Pacific, his excitement obvious to anyone watching. When you glanced his way, he waved subtly, mouthing, That’s my girl.

After the ceremony, Lando stood off to the side, nervously shifting his weight as he waited for you. In his hands, he held a bouquet of purple and green flowers—your favourite colours. His nerves only increased when your parents approached, their faces glowing with pride as they spotted their graduate.

“You must be one of Yn’s classmates?” your dad asked, his polite curiosity evident as he eyed Lando.

Lando chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck. “Not exactly,” he began, his voice faltering under your dad’s scrutinizing gaze. “I’m her . . . friend.” He hesitated on the word, glancing toward you as you joined the group.

“Dad, Mom,” you said with a smile, taking over the introduction. “This is Lando.” Turning to your brother, you added, “And this is Chris.”

Chris’s eyes lit up, recognition dawning as he looked at Lando. “You’re cool,” he said, grinning. Lando relaxed slightly, ready to thank him for the compliment when Chris added, “But not as cool as Chase Elliott.”

The mention of the NASCAR driver made Lando visibly wince, though he laughed it off. “Chase, huh? He’s alright,” Lando said with a playful shrug, offering Chris a fist bump.

Chris didn’t hesitate to bump his fist back. “He’s the best.”

“Debatable,” Lando muttered under his breath, sharing an amused glance with you.

Later, after the celebrations and countless photos, you and Lando strolled through the quieting campus. The sun dipped low in the sky, casting everything in golden hues. The sound of distant laughter and rustling leaves filled the air as you walked side by side.

Lando’s hand brushed yours as he spoke, his voice soft. “So, what’s next for you?”

You turned to him, your steps slowing as you looked out at the familiar grounds. “I don’t know,” you admitted, your voice tinged with both excitement and uncertainty. “Maybe I’ll figure it out tomorrow. Today feels like enough.”

He smiled, his eyes warm as they met yours. “Yeah, today’s more than enough,” he said, taking your hand in his. The two of you walked in comfortable silence, the golden light of the setting sun wrapping around.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The lights of the grand ballroom sparkled like stars, casting a warm glow over the elegant space. Lando barely noticed any of it, his gaze fixed on you. You stood by his side, radiant in a sleek black dress that seemed to shimmer with every step you took. The Richard Mille watch he had gifted you glinted under the soft chandeliers as you leaned in to adjust his bow tie with practiced ease, smoothing out his crisp suit jacket.

“I can’t believe I get to be here with you,” he murmured, his voice low and intimate, meant for your ears alone. His arm slipped naturally around your waist, drawing you closer. His free hand found yours, his thumb brushing over your knuckles before he lifted it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of your hand.

You chuckled, pulling your hand back gently. “Such a gentleman,” you teased, leaning up to press a quick, playful kiss to the tip of his nose. The gesture left him grinning, his cheeks dusted with the faintest hint of pink.

During the ceremony, you sat beside him at a table near the front, your hand comfortably entwined with his beneath the white linen tablecloth. When his name was called as the season’s runner-up, you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. He rose from his chair, the smile on his face as dazzling as the applause that erupted around him.

As he returned to his seat with the trophy in hand, you leaned in close, your lips brushing against his ear. “Runner-up looks good on you,” you teased softly. “But you’ll get them next year. I know it.” You punctuated your words with a gentle kiss on his cheek.

He turned to you, his eyes glowing with gratitude and something deeper, something more profound. “With you here? I’m already winning.”

The night continued, the atmosphere buzzing with laughter, champagne toasts, and the flash of cameras. But eventually, the two of you found a quiet corner, away from the crowd. Lando had his arm draped over your shoulder, his posture relaxed as if all the pressure of the season had melted away in your presence.

You glanced down at your watch, a playful smile tugging at your lips as you twisted it slightly on your wrist. “I had to wear this, you know,” you remarked, raising your hand to show him the sleek design. “It’s the perfect accessory for the arm candy of the papaya driver of the night.”

Lando laughed, his hand moving to your waist to pull you a fraction closer. “Arm candy? Yn, you’re the real star tonight. Everyone’s looking at you, not me.”

You scoffed lightly, rolling your eyes as you rested your free hand on his chest. “Oh, please. You’re the one with a shiny trophy and a hundred cameras pointed at you.”

His grin softened into something more tender as he cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing gently across your skin. “Maybe. But the only person I care about impressing is standing right in front of me.”

Your breath hitched slightly, your hand curling into the fabric of his jacket. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Impossible for you to resist,” he quipped, his teasing smirk making you laugh.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The chat exploded with excitement as Lando started his Christmas-themed stream. “Alright, everyone, guess who’s joining me today?” he teased, adjusting his Santa hat with a cheeky grin. The screen split, revealing your smiling face. The chat erupted into a flurry of exclamation points and heart emojis, fans flooding the feed with messages of excitement.

“Can you believe it’s been a year already since we met?” he asked, his voice warm with nostalgia as his eyes flicked to your camera feed.

You laughed softly, adjusting your headset. “Feels like yesterday you were calling me at 3 a.m. to play Fortnite.”

“Classic me,” he quipped with a smirk, loading the game.

The match began, and you and Lando dropped into the map, landing on a snowy mountaintop lit up with festive decorations. Lando stuck close to you, his character darting around as he scrambled to collect supplies.

“Okay, I’ve got a shotgun, some meds, and . . . a snowball launcher?” he said, excitement in his tone as he inspected his loot.

“Lando, that’s literally the most useless weapon right now,” you teased, glancing at his inventory as you scouted ahead. “Just stick with me, alright? I’ll keep us alive.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad!” he argued, following close behind. “You make it sound like I’m dead weight.”

“Hmm, let’s see . . .” you mused, raising an eyebrow as you scanned the map. “Who was it that got sniped three minutes into our last game because they couldn’t stop dancing in front of the enemy?”

The chat roared with laughter, spamming Lando’s emotes as he groaned dramatically. “One time! One time, Yn!”

A sudden burst of gunfire pulled you both back into focus. “Incoming!” you called, ducking behind a tree. Your hands moved deftly across the keyboard, your character aiming a sniper rifle at the distant threat.

“I’ll flank them!” Lando declared heroically, charging forward.

“No, wait—” you tried to stop him, but he was already out in the open, firing wildly. “Oh my god, Lando!”

You sighed as his health bar plummeted, rushing to revive him once he inevitably went down. “What did we learn?” you asked as you healed him, the playful scolding clear in your tone.

“Stick with Yn,” he mumbled, clearly trying not to laugh.

“That’s right,” you said with a grin. “Now, let me handle this.” With precision and ease, you took out the enemy squad, your sniper shots landing perfectly one after another. Lando cheered loudly, clapping his hands in mock celebration.

“Chat, can we just take a moment to appreciate how insane Yn’s aim is?” he said, grinning at his camera. “You’re a machine, Yn.”

You shrugged, pretending to be nonchalant. “Eh, someone’s gotta keep you alive.”

As the match progressed, you fell into a comfortable rhythm. Lando focused on looting and building while you covered him from a distance, sniping enemies with practised ease. Despite his antics—like insisting on carrying the “cute snowball launcher” all game—he managed to surprise you with some decent plays, even saving you once when you got ambushed.

“Nice shot,” you admitted as he took down an opponent, genuinely impressed.

“Did you hear that, chat? Yn just complimented me,” he said, puffing out his chest. “Christmas miracle!”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” you replied with a laugh, shaking your head.

As the game wound down to the final few teams, the tension grew. “Alright, last squad,” you said, crouching behind a rock. “Let’s not mess this up.”

Lando’s voice was uncharacteristically focused. “I’m on meds and shields. You snipe; I’ll distract.”

It was chaotic, but somehow, you pulled it off. Your sniper shots landed true, and Lando’s kamikaze-style distraction gave you the opening to secure the victory. The words “Victory Royale” flashed on the screen, and both of you erupted into cheers.

“That’s how it’s done!” Lando shouted, throwing his arms up in triumph.

“By me,” you teased, earning a playful glare through the camera.

As the chat flooded with congratulatory messages, you leaned back in your chair, smiling. “Not bad, Norris. Maybe there’s hope for you after all.”

“High praise,” he replied, smirking. “See, chat? This is why she keeps me around.”

The game ended, but the banter continued, the chat filling with comments about how much they missed seeing the two of you play together. “Yn’s got a job now,” Lando said, mock-pouting. “She doesn’t have time for you guys anymore. Just me.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide your smile. “Oh, please.”

“Speaking of which,” Lando continued, scrolling through his phone. “When’s your flight landing? Gotta make sure I’m there to pick you up.”

You paused, looking at him through the camera, a soft smile spreading across your face. “She’s spending Christmas with me, you guys, so leave her alone,” Lando declared proudly, earning a wave of amused comments from the chat.

[clawsmiic]

"I had to talk to you."

Repost from other account

2.4k words

CW: Heavy flirtation, canon divergence (S4 end events didn't happen), College Student!Steve, Steve has shit eyesight

October 13th, 1989

Steve sighs, leaning back on the drivers side of his 1983 BMW. Burgundy paint starting to chip on the hood, the car becoming less appealing day by day. Girls passing by not even looking in his direction anymore. He was old news in Hawkins after people found out he had finally started at a college half an hour away in Fort Wayne. Just starting his life like everyone else did 4 years ago just wasn't appealing to most girls.

At least not Hawkins girls.

But at this point he didn't care. He was proud of himself for pulling his life together after all the bullshit he had been put through. With saving an entire town too many god damn times. Cutting his dad off when his parents divorced. Moving out to get a rented house with his best friend Robin. Just what he learned he needed over time.

Getting into a good school by himself with no help was just a cherry on top of the fuck you sundae he graciously served his past problems.

He was satisfied with what he had right now.

Dustin walks out of the new game shop in the newest strip mall to grace Hawkins. Steve looks up, pushing his Ray-Ban sunglasses onto his head.

"You made it out before, Robin. I'm surprised." Dustin glanced at the instrument shop a few doors down, then back to Steve. "You get what Eddie needed?"

"Mostly yeah. She's still getting her trumpet fixed?" Steve shrugs at Dustin's question and slides his sunglasses down in place again.

"She probably got distracted looking at something shiny and new. You know Robins crow brain sometimes." Dustin laughs, looking into his bag, shuffling a few things around inside.

Steve looked over at the liquor store at the end of the strip mall. Looking back at Dustin, he taps the top of the car. His head snapped up, eyes a bit surprised at the sudden noise.

"You want anything?" Steve asks, tilting his head back towards the store.

"Coke? If they got it." Dustin simply replied before getting in the back seat. Steve nods and walks to the liquor store.

The bell chimes over his head as he walks through the door. He takes in the warmth of the store and the radio playing over the speakers on the ceiling. Such a nice contrast to the crisp Autumn air outside.

He turns heading down an isle of assorted liquor bottles and bar accessories before finally stopping at the fridge. Humming along to the song over the radio, mumbling the lyrics to 'I wanna know what love is' absentmindedly.

Sliding his glasses down his nose, he squints at the selection. All the labels are blurry the farther he is, he steps forward rubbing his eyes and sure doesn't help with the florescent lighting blinding him from above.

God I need to get my eyes checked.

Opening the fridge, he grabs the 3 soft drinks and a 6-pack for later when he hears a metal scrapping and whoosh next to him. Followed by a muffled but panicked "Shit!"

Looking over, he sees the back of a squatting woman struggling with a metal shelf slipping out of one of the fridges.

Walking over, he quickly puts his things down and pushes the shelf back in. The metal shelf, cold against his warm skin as he reaches into the fridge, fixing the fasteners back into place.

An issue he's all too familiar with working at Family Video. The fridge racks always got loose and every time it happened he was always made to clean them up. He could only imagine the mess a bunch of glasses and beer would have made.

"Thank you so much!" The woman speaks as Steve stands up, slowly closing the door. Looking back, he finally sees your face. His lips slightly part as you continue talking, he can't hear a word you're saying right now.

All he can hear is the very oddly convenient Foreigner song playing over the store radio as he takes in every detail of your gorgeous face. From your shiny hair to your bright smile. The vibrant colored nail polish on your fingers you're waving as you talk. You're unfamiliar, he's never seen you before, but you're an absolute stunner of a woman.

Steve never thought of himself as a love at first sight kind of guy. But right now he was undoubtedly being proven wrong by the spark he was feeling, not to mention the nervous knot in his stomach.

"But really you're a life saver... Thank you." You stop talking, looking at him. Your face falls as he perks up, realizing he's just been staring like a complete idiot this entire time.

"You're welcome!" He spoke, choking almost over how inappropriately loud he was for a second. Feeling the effect of not talking to women for a while really hit him. You look down at his soon-to-be purchases.

"Full Sail Amber. Good beer." You comment, making him look at the floor and nod.

Crouching down, he grabs his things and stands cracking his head on one of the fridge door handles. His sunglasses fell off his face and onto the floor. He stands up wedging his soft drink between his side and arm. Rubbing his head with a hiss.

"You okay?" You ask with a slight chuckle. Bending down, you grab the sunglasses, Steve moves his hand, grabbing the bottom of the door handle to shield your head from injury.

"Yeah, thanks." Before he gets to put his hand out to take his Ray-Bans back, you slide them on his head with a soft smile.

God she's so fucking pretty.

"You're welcome. And thanks again for... Saving me from paying for a full shelf of beer." She turned down the isle to another part of the store.

Part of Steve wants to follow you and try chatting you up, but the slight embarrassment of hurting his head just keeps him from doing so.

He turns, goes to the front of the store and makes his purchases. Heading outside, he walks to his car, finally seeing Robin in her usual spot, the passenger seat. Opening the driver's door, he slips in.

"There you are!" Robin looked at him, her trumpet case in-between her legs on the floor of the car.

"What's with the face?" Dustin asks, Steve looking at him in the rearview, glaring.

"Shut up Henderson." He hands them their sodas, moving to close his car door when he hears the bell from the liquor store chime.

Out you walk, starting across the parking lot to a top-down red 86' Volkswagen Cabriolet. Steve freezes, staring again. He really can't help but stare.

"Oooh." Robin and Dustin both taunt him, making him sigh. He needs more friends, fewer annoying friends.

"She's pretty." Robin says looking at Dustin.

"Too pretty to talk to, apparently." Dustin adds, laughing as he looks back at Steve.

"I talked to her in the store." Dustin raised his eyebrows, pushing his baseball cap up a bit.

"You asked her out?"

"No." Steve watches you load your bag into the back seat and start pulling the top up on your car.

"Not too late!" Robin smiled, taking a sip of her drink. Dustin looked at her.

"He's not gonna do it."

"No, he's gonna do it."

Steve feels like he has a devil and an angel bickering on his shoulders right now. His foot meets the new asphalt of the parking lot as you open your driver's door.

He's quickly out of the driver's seat.

"Holy shit he's doing it." Dustin comments as he shuts the door on them.

He stops at the bumper of his car, hearing your car engine click over. Music pours out of your open windows before you turn it down quickly.

The universe is screaming at him to talk to you when he starts hearing that familiar Tears for Fears song, 'Head Over Heels'.

Please don't pull away, please don't pull away.

He nearly sprints across the parking lot out of fear of missing his chance. Upon reaching the car, he knocks on the back window, pulling you from looking for something in the console.

"Hi..." He says awkwardly, approaching the window. Leaning on the door, he smiles as you smile back.

"Hi. You need something?" He gets so agitated that you smirk up at him.

'Why'd you have to be so God damn pretty?'

"Sorry if this is weird, but I had to talk to you." He started, finally being able to say something. Your eyes go half shut with a soft nod.

"Talk to me?" He nods, clenching the door frame for a second. "Go ahead then. Talk."

His eyes go wide in surprise at your sudden confidence. Steve stammered for a second.

"Uh... At the risk of sounding crazy or desperate... You're probably the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life." You can feel your body warm up as he gives the most genuine smile you've seen on a man in a while.

"Mmhm, go on."

"Are you by chance single? Or like... Are you even attracted to men at all?" He asks, sheepishly smiling.

"Yes, and yes." Your smirk slowly turns into a grin as he squats to eye level now, feeling a bit more confident after your answer.

"I'm Steve, by the way. Steve Harrington." He smiles again hearing you reply with your name. "Are you new to Hawkins?"

"I am actually. I just moved here from the city and needed to stay nearby for school."

"Where are you going?"

"Trine University." His eyes go wide, the same school he goes to. What are the odds?

"Really? I actually go there too. Education major." You look him up and down. You never pegged him for the teacher type.

"Software Engineering major."

"So you're smart and gorgeous. Good to know." He smirks, finally feeling like himself when talking as your flush finally becomes noticeable. "You like movies?"

"What kind of psychopath doesn't like movies?" He laughs at your response, leaning in closer to the window.

"Lemme be more specific. The new Halloween 5 movie came out today. You interested in seeing it? Maybe with me tonight at the drive-in theater in Lafayette. We can have dinner after. All my treat, of course." He can see the sparkle in your eyes, that spark he felt looking at you before is still lingering around him.

"What's in it for me?" You playfully ask. He cocks his head to the side, leaning it on his arm for a second.

"A fun night out with a gentleman, I promise I'm fun." You chuckle, rolling your eyes, he knows you want to say yes. "Please?"

He'd never said please before when asking a girl out. It didn't feel embarrassing like he thought it would. You turn your attention back to the console looking for something.

Pulling out a napkin and pen, you quickly write down your number and address. Turning back, you hold it out to him as he takes it.

"I'm free at 8. And dress nicely. You're taking me somewhere decent after the movie."

"I'll take you to the most expensive restaurant I can find if that's what you want. I don't care. As long as I get to see you again." You laugh at his bluntness, it's like music to his ears.

"That won't be necessary. I don't need to be spoiled."

"What if I want to spoil you?" That caught you off guard as you didn't respond right away. He let a soft breath escape his mouth. "You like roses?"

"White roses." You reply, he nods, standing up again and folding the napkin, storing it in his back jean pocket for safe keeping.

"I'll be sure to remember that." You two just stare at each other in silence for a minute. No man's ever looked at you like Steve has right now, it makes your heart race from nervousness.

"I'll see you at 8 o'clock then." You look past him for a moment and back to him. "Tell your friends I said hello since they like to stare so much."

Raising an eyebrow, Steve turned his head. He sees Robin poking her head over the roof of the car and Dustin sitting on the rolled down window frame. They quickly hurry back into the car, noticing they've been caught. He should be embarrassed, but he fully expects their behavior from being friends for so long.

"Ignore them." Steve says, sighing as he looks back at you. "I'll see you at 8."

He turned away towards his car, trying to stay as confident as he was before turning his back. Reaching his car, he pops the door open, clutching it for dear life as he silently collects himself. Robin poked her head across the driver's seat to look up at him.

"You good dude?" She asks, concerned but also excited as he just nods.

You pull out of your parking spot, stopping behind his car and honk once to get his attention. Dustin pops his head out the back window as Robin looks out her open door. Steves head snaps up at you as you lean on your window frame, chin on fist with the most shit eating grin on your face.

"See you at 8 sexy~" You called to him. And then you have the balls to blow him a kiss before peeling out of the parking lot.

Steve silently gets in the car. Robin shuts her door as Steve does his. Dustin sits forward looking at Steve, who's just gripping his steering wheel, the adrenaline starting to wear off.

"Dude, she's so into you, into you!" Dustin breaks the silence as Robin nods.

"And I'd say it's the same for Harrington here." Robin grins as a massive smile spreads across Steve's face.

He starts excitedly thrashing frontwards and backwards. Enough to shake the car and look like he's about to rip the steering wheel from it's column. He lets out an excited yell, causing his two friends to laugh at him.

He let out a long breath, looking at them.

"She says hi by the way."

[bandtrees]

this has always been one of my favorite lines in this scene it’s so striking to me. i think debating over callum’s level of lucidity and what can or cannot “fix” him is deeply antithecal to what the story is trying to express with him - but the idea that callum is still there and still a person who does have the capacity to love mingus, just not in a way she can ever comprehend or accept, because she can't comprehend or accept anything outside her narrow worldview, is sooooo good.

there is no way of actually knowing if callum is proud of mingus, much less recognizes her at all - but it's added to by the fact there's only so much of that she would accept even if he could. ultimately, she wants validation and power, his prestige, from him, she wants a supportive parental figure she never had - there's only so much of that callum is able to provide even in a world where her stint to fix his memory actually worked. he's like a hundred. he never even MET her. to say nothing of all he's missed in the past fifty-odd years. to say nothing of how his age may have messed with his mind deteriorating even without the pre-existing brain damage.

and mingus' phrasing here implies he doesn't even look at her when she visits - which brings me to the visit that radicalized her: the one after her surgery, where he was watching gingi out the window.

obviously, callum watching gingi is mostly for the thematics of it all, how similar the two of them are in ways mingus refuses to recognize, but theres also the thought of... callum's been sitting alone in that room for over half his life, barely lucid if at all. of course he's going to be drawn to a brightly-colored thing making noises and knocking stuff over outside. if he can't respond to stimuli of the people around him he's at the very least going to latch onto something more visually interesting than Brown Wall and Brown Figure.

but it's not like mingus can think of it like that, because she's internalized so much about her grandfather and built up such a specific, personalized vision of him - she doesn't see him as an elderly man with (a fictional equivalent to) dementia, she sees him as President Callum Crown™, the man she personally has to please and live up to the legacy of and make proud, disregarding the fact that's not something he has the mental capacity to even do - because she's so obsessed with validation and complete control that the only way she can get it is by either subjugating others and forcing it out of them (what she does with her townsfolk), or just completely projecting on someone who, for her purposes, is basically a blank slate.

which is maddening to her in its own way, see how crazy she drives herself trying to restore callum's memory in the first place - but also, would she be happy even if callum could see her for who she is? post-game, when she's working on herself, that's an irrelevant question as she's pushed past that need, but as we know her? absolutely not.

i love the ch3 standoff between norm and mingus as a show of "Okay guys let’s see who can dehumanize this disabled guy harder (via pedestal-putting) and justify themselves for it better" and why i think it is so important that it’s gingi who reads the postcard and ultimately speaks for callum instead of either of them, or even the narrator. they can’t read, and they struggle to, but they manage to get it right even when people are telling them to stop. and the fact they’re able to do it at all, are given the chance to do so, and are ultimately the one to wind down this conflict shows that the world of dialtown, while not perfect, really is how callum would have wanted it.

both gingi and callum are some of the most altruistic and human characters ever, and the crux of their parallels is that they are denied this by close-minded people because they happen to Behave Strangely. it's why seeing mingus act the way she does hits so hard - she loves her paw-paw, yes, but if she were to see him in a vacuum, a one-limbed man who can hardly think, much less speak for himself: or even his younger self, who was struggling to make ends meet with his odd inventions...

...well, the feeling norm's imagining here would probably be mutual. mingus' relationship with bigotry is a very fascinating one, she's very close-minded but views certain oddities (ie her flesh-head) as having earned their place and thus being fine - she's a freak too, by her own admission, but she's doing it for a just and wider purpose, so it's fine. which is, ironically, the ideology callum forced upon himself.

callum was obsessed with helping people, pushing himself to do more and more, because it was the only way he ever found respect. if he didn't help people and have grand visions for the world and make himself "useful" to society at large, then what would he be, if not a freak?

mingus and her paw-paw are very similar people, from their well-intentioned extremism, to their stubbornness and paranoia, to their inability to view themselves as anything more than a vessel for that grand cause they believe in (callum in the dialup, mingus in restoring her paw-paw's memory) - which is funny, because if mingus was able to view callum, and herself, as a flawed human person, she would come to understand how similar they really are.

:(

[dp-marvel94]

Becoming

Summary: Throwing up ghosts is just the beginning. First, a ghost that looks exactly like Danny comes through the portal. The memory sharing and body switching are weird. Now the portal inside him is growing and Danny is terrified of what happened once it become too big for his body to contain.

Word Count: 3,312

Also on AO3

Sequel to "An Unconventional Way to Get a Cat", Written in response to this ask I received.

“I just finished your cat acquisition portal au fix and I loved it! Missy my beloved. I can't help but imagine Danny instinctively going invisible and intangible out of sheer 'oh shit' at the end, which would NOT make either of them more calm. Ahdjfkf I also read the end note and I think I speak for everyone in that we would LOVE to hear your deranged ideas <3”

Thanks to @sun-spice for asking. 

This is set staring directly after the last chapter of “An unconventional way to get a Cat.” It is part story outline, part rough scenes. But between the length and the fact that I’m really freaking proud of the ending, I figured I should post it here on AO3. It’s pretty tonally different from the story I wrote for phic phight so I decided it should be it’s own thing as well. So y’all get ready. This is going to be a ride. 😅

It begins with something big, bigger than anything else Danny has felt before pushing its way through the portal. There is a big flash of light as the ghost portal opens through him. As the light dies, Danny finds himself floating and glowing. Suddenly, he is a ghost. 

His sister stands in the bathroom doorway, eyes wide with shock. Danny mirrors her expression, then after a too long pause….

“Am I dead?!”

Jazz says something, just as panicked as him. But… Danny can’t process through the screaming in his own head. His body feels… strange. Too warm and too cool. His chest is too full, despite the lightness in his limbs. And yet…. He feels better, more right than he’s felt since the Accident a week ago.

That is until Danny turns human with another flash of light. With a stumble, he lands on his feet. He stares at his ungloved hands. Completely back to normal…

“Ugh…” Something on the floor behind him groans.

 The boy’s head whips to… a ghost on the floor. It looks like a boy about his age, white haired, in a… strangely familiar jumpsuit.

“What… but that’s-” Jazz, normally so sure sounding, stutters.

At the noise, the ghost's head jerks up. It… his eyes are blown wide, confused and disoriented.

The ghost has Danny’s face. 

Both the siblings shout, fingers pointing, questions drilling. The ghost flinches, popping invisible and fleeing. The look on his face….just as freaked out as Danny and Jazz. 

For a long while, Danny and Jazz throw out ideas about what just happened. Maybe the ghost is some kind of shape shifter? The two have no idea and no way to find out. They definitely are not telling their parents. And how are they supposed to go after the ghost? 

“I can’t… Can we just… forget about this?” Danny finally says, running fingers though his hair. “I just want to finish my cereal, cuddle my cat, and go to bed.” 

Begrudgingly, Jazz agrees.

But there is no forgetting for Danny. Having a ghost that looks just like him flying around the town is weird. Danny has weird dreams, as if he is seeing Amity Park from above. Weird, out-of-nowhere feelings invade at random moments. Thoughts that echo, that feel not quite like his own but somehow unquestionably are. And… memories of green swirling clouds and purple doors. Danny feels… strange. He’s felt weird since the accident but this is something else. An invisible line connects him to… something. A feeling that something vital is missing.

Despite his desperate attempts at control, Jazz’s lessons in breathing techniques, meditation, mindfulness… Danny still throws up ghosts. More animals, even… things that appear almost human. He finds himself in weird dreams of fighting ghosts… even when he’s awake. School starts and he inevitably has to tell Sam and Tucker. The trio encounter the Lunch Lady, and… Danny’s weird ghostly double. This is his first time seeing the ghost since that night Jazz found out about his condition. Looking at the ghost boy is strange. It makes his head hurt, vision oddly doubly like he is staring in a funhouse mirror. An uneasy feeling churns through his insides. Those dreams were never really dreams.

One day Danny blinks and finds himself floating above Amity Park. 

“What, no.” The boy mutters to himself. “I’m not actually here.” He closes his eyes, trying to focus. “I’m in my bedroom, sitting on my bed. The blanket is soft. There’s a clock ticking on my wall.” 

But… he can’t feel the bed under him, can’t hear the clock. The sound of the wind remains stubborn in his ears. 

Danny’s eyes pop open. He… can’t snap himself back to reality. Danny looks down, and the nausea he feels has nothing to do with the portal in his guts. He’s actually here, floating a hundred feet above the park. 

It’s..like just before his look-alike showed up. Danny shivers at the thought. His spectral double…. Did the ghost possess him (semi-possess?) him again? That’s what he and Jazz decided must have happened back then. The ghost came through the portal and was so confused and disoriented, he immediately overshadowed Danny. There hadn’t been a fight for control, no other voice in his head. The ghost must have been too weak and confused to wrestle for control, hence getting thrown out almost immediately.

This almost felt like that. Except… No, something was wrong. He felt light, no human warmth, no pounding in his chest. Before there’d been… an odd calmest. It almost made him sick, remembering how right that moment had felt.

Shaking the feeling away, Danny wobbly flew back to his house. He phased through his window to find…himself freaking out in his room.

His own blue eyes stare at him, wide with confusion. And yet… they flicker green… something behind them is eerily familiar. 

“It’s…you.” “Danny!”

Apparently the ghost switched bodies with him. And his double, Phantom, is no help. 

“I have no idea what’s happening.” Phantom in Danny’s body (and isn’t that a crazy thought) raises his arms. “I don’t even know who I am. All I remember is floating on the other side of the portal, guarding it. Like… the first thing I remember in a pain, a green flash and I was in the Zone in front of the ghost portal!” He shrugged, looking sheepish. “I just knew it was my job to guard it. I wasn’t very good at it though.”

Obviously not with all the ghost animals coming through. 

Danny’s brow furrowed. “Why did you leave?”

Phantom shivered. “The portal… it was… calling me. Or maybe it was something on the other side. I just knew I had to come through.” 

So Phantom had touched the rift. He found himself in the human world. And… suddenly he was with Danny. For just a moment there… it felt like he didn’t exist. There was no Phantom, just… 

“Then we turned human and warm and I was just me again.”

Danny doesn’t know what to make of the story, his stomach twisting with a dozen feelings.

Eventually the two switch back. But now the memory, thought, and emotion sharing is even more intense. The two keep switching places. Danny fights the ghost in Phantom’s place. The ghost gets an… oddly familiar taste of Danny Fenton’s life. Inevitably, the two bond, forming an odd friendship through their efforts to hide their weirdness from the Fenton parents and the town as a whole. They find they have a lot in common too. Phantom loves puns as much as Danny does. The human boy’s love of the stars is as great as his ghostly friend’s. Music, books, movies, games. They squeeze so many shared interests into the quieter moments. Sometimes they butt heads because of how similar they are but… overall Danny is happy. Phantom feels like the brother he never had. Maybe the ghost is his twin that he absorbed in the womb. Maybe he’s just a random ghost that he was lucky enough to meet. Either way, it’s nice to have him in his life.

But, things are not all good. The portal is getting worse. More ghosts are coming through. More fights, worse injuries. Phantom’s powers are growing, including new, hard to control ice powers. 

And the portal feels colder too. Danny can feel it swirling. The tenderals spread, wrapping around his bones and organs. It… shines through his skin. He can see it, a ball of neon green below his ribs. It flashes brighter, blinding him every time it opens. And… each time, the spot of light is a little bigger.

One morning, Danny wakes up to a tingling feeling on his skin. Like the occasional invisibility and intangibility he experiences when he’s Phantom but… it's pervasive, spreading from his stomach to the surface. He lifts his shirt and… the portal is there. On his skin? In his skin? Above his skin? It does not make any sense but it is there, bound to him and visible. The size of his fist, it swirls below his rib cage. He brushes it with a finger and… it is like touching his own skin. At the same time, it is like brushing cold mist. His hand sinks in, not intangible but like sticking his hand in a bucket. And he shivers. He can feel it, the cold atmosphere of the Realms on his hand… and the portal swirling around his wrist. He feels his hand brushing the mist and his mist brushing the hand. He is both hand and mist.

Danny rips his hand out, as if he has been burned. Horror sinks into him. What is happening to him?

The switching keeps happening and the portal keeps growing. And Danny is scared. He hides it from his friends and sister. At first, it’s not that hard. A shirt is enough to cover the swirling gate below his ribs. But it spreads onto his shoulder, below his belly button. He switches to long shirts and hoodies. He is nervous and on edge, avoiding his friends, changing the subject whenever Jazz asks what’s wrong.

But there is no hiding from Phantom. Not when half the time Danny’s body is his. The ghost is oddly quiet about the problem. Sometimes Danny catches the ghost looking at him, brow furrowed with thought. Phantom is closing off, acting more distant. In his eyes, something like realization, more than just the dread of death, flashes. And whatever it is, the revelation scares him.

But Danny can barely notice as the dread turns to terror. His heart races, he can’t sleep, can’t eat. Every minute, he can feel the portal getting bigger. He can feel it eating at his insides, invading them, turning them to ice and mist as they evaporate. He feels it grow and tear, burrowing deeper to replace and pull apart. And it does not even hurt. It should hurt. Being unmade, being changed should hurt. A part of Danny wants it to hurt. The portal is killing him. In the end, it will destroy him. And he doesn’t want to die. Or… 

A much worse possibility screams at the back of his mind, in the way he feels the portal entrance below his shirt, can feel the small ghosts flitting through. Mutation trickles through his veins. Transformation, terrible violating change….

Down in the empty portal one night, Danny cries alone. All this struggling, all this hiding and for what? He really is going to die down here, where he should have all those months ago. The portal has spread to just above his knees, to his elbows. He can barely stand, can barely walk now. He can’t fill his fingers. But he can feel it, every inch. The portal is killing him, tearing him apart. It pulses, ready for release. And part of him wants to give in but… his friends and sister. Phantom, once simply his double, now his closest friend…. Letting the portal take him would be giving up, leaving them. But… he can’t do this, can’t keep fighting forever.

“Danny!” Suddenly Phantom is there, kneeling in front of him.

The human (Is ever human anymore, with this.. thing parasitizing his body?) blinks, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“You can’t give up.”

Danny hears the words, processes them, the same ones he’d been telling himself just second ago But… it’s too much. 

“I’m… I’m scared.” He cries. Just moments ago, he wanted to let the portal rip him apart. Dying was terrifying. But… “I can’t… I can’t keep fighting it. I…” A flash of cold. Danny feels the green claw up his neck. “It’s going to rip me apart. It’s going to kill me, really kill me this time. But…” He hiccups, the sound part cry, part laugh. “What if I don’t die? What if…” A tendril curls passed his knee, half way down his calf. “I can feel it, the portal. I can feel it like… like it’s my own skin. What if it… it destroys me but I… I’m still…”

He can’t force out the words, not with the cold tickling his throat, with the tears drowning his voice. But the thought…. What if the portal destroys his body but he still exists? What if it breaks out of his fragile human sheel and becomes him? What if he becomes it? The un-living gate between worlds, trapped in his cage of metal. Without sight or sound, just… his thoughts and the ghosts swimming through him forever.

“You won’t be trapped.” 

That… is not what Danny expected Phantom to say. He opens his eyes, tears cutting off in his shock. “What?”

The ghost shakes his head. “I figured it out. Why the accident made me, why you called me through.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We really should have figured it out months ago. The shared memories were a big hint. And the switching bodies.” He rolls his eyes. 

“I’m.. I’m dying.” Danny’s mind is screaming, confusion growing into distress. “What are-”

Phantom takes his hands. “You are the portal. There’s no denying it now. It’s part of you. It is you.”

“No.” Pure despair crashes over him. The word echoes, more thought and emotion that sound, Danny’s throat replaced by the green. 

It’s true then. A few more minutes and he’ll be nothing more than a cloud of mist, hanging in the frame. At least he’ll get to say goodbye-

“Stop that.” Phantom reprimands. “This isn’t the end. You’ll survive this.” 

Danny narrows his eyes. He appreciates the attempt at comfort but it was too late for reassuring lies. Even if he wouldn’t die, this is still the end.

The ghost points up the stairs. “You will walk up their stairs in a few minutes and go to bed. You’ll go to school on Monday and the Nasty Burger with Sam and Tuck. You’ll bug Jazz and…” Phantom is crying now too. “We’ll… we’ll do it together.”

Danny feels it, Phantom means every word. He is so sure but-

“I’m your ghost, Danny. Your ghost.” So much emphasis in the words. “I always have been. Your accident made me. You made me.” Phantom’s eyes glistening with tears. “You called me through the gate. You made me, an echo, your friend. And now…” He sniffled and a soft smile bloomed. “I’m… I’m becoming something more.”

Hands still clasps, Phantom brings one of Danny’s to his hazmat suited chest. The still-flesh fingers feel and… 

“That’s… that’s impossible.” Danny’s eyes widened awed. 

There under his hand, in Phantom’s chest… something thumps and pulses. A steady drum beat. In Phantom’s chest, his heart beats.

“Is it really?” The ghost raises one eyebrow.

“Yes! You’re a ghost. This is-” Danny cuts off. No, of course, it’s not impossible. He’s becoming a ghost portal and Phantom is being raised back to life. His ghost is becoming human.

The momentary awe crests and Danny plunges back into desperation. “Why are you telling me this?” 

His mind whirls. He imagines, Phantom as a human. Like so many times before, laying in his bed, doing his homework, going to school, hanging out with his friends. Danny can’t help but smile. The thought of his fading away and Phantom taking his life, the tastes he’d loved so much becoming real…

“No. I said… I said we’d go up those stairs together.” Desperation rings in Phantom’s voice, stronger than even Danny’s own despair.

Danny blinks. There is meaning there, significance. Phantom is begging him for something and… he does not understand. 

“When I first came through the portal, we shared a body and mind.” The ghost pleads, eyes wide. “Don’t you remember? I came through and… I wasn’t me anymore. I thought… it was like I didn’t exist but… but I realized…. That wasn’t it.”

“What are you saying?” Danny begs. The portal pulses, his arms and legs consumed. 

“We shared the same space and… I didn’t disappear. I folded back, back to where I came from in first place. I was you again.” Phantom says, the words airy with realization “I’ve always been you.” He squeezes the flesh hands, the desperate touch the only thing holding the green back.“You… you’ve felt it too, the link between us. We’re intertwined.”

The ghost is… right. Of course he is. Danny feels it in his….Phantom’s bones. The shared thoughts and memories. The body swapping. The shared interests and appearance. Dread, excitement, anticipation bubble in what once was Danny’s stomach. A thousand emotions but… paramount is hope.

Danny almost wants to laugh. He became best friends with himself. But…In Phantom’s chest, he can feel his, their heart pounding. If Phantom is wrong and he had just disappeared in that first overshadowing…

“But…. Phantom, what happens to you if that… if… if we…”

The ghost shakes his head. His knowing eyes say he knows Danny’s fear. “Danny, I came from you. From your death. Even with becoming… this…” He motions to his body. “A ghost that’s technically separate from you…. We’ve always been a step from being the same person. I think…. We’d finally fall back into step.”

They would fall into step… The strange sense of fullness, of rightness he’d felt when Phantom appeared… He’d felt different, not quite himself since the accident. Like something was missing. And now, the missing part is in front of him…

And yet… a last trickle of doubt, of fear. The portal quivers, wanting to overtake him. The tip of his nose disappears…

Fear darkens Phantom’s face. “No matter what happens to me, I won’t let you be trapped in the frame. I…” The ghost steels his face. “Whether we sync back into step, or I disappear, or we end up sharing a body permanently… Go back up those stairs with me.”

Danny stares for a long moment. He is just a pair of eyes now, two hands, and two feet. A part of him whispers, it would be easier to let the portal take him. At least he knows what will happen; he feels it in his mist, in the way his ectoplasm wants to expand, to grow to fit the frame. But this uncertainty… 

Will he lose Phantom or become him? Was Phantom even real in the first place? Does any of it matter? But the pleading, the desperation in Phantom…. His other self’s eyes. 

 “O… okay.” Danny stutters, mind made up.

The boy-who-is-a-portal pulls his ghost into a hug. His portal self pulses, straining to fill its proper shape. The last of his mortality in ghostly hands… the two fragmented minds intertwine. Strings twisting tighter and tighter together. Gaps that he hadn’t even felt filling. Threads knitted into a greater and greater pattern. Ghost and human and something altogether other fall into the weave.

It… never was a choice between Phantom and the portal, the creature that was and is Danny, and is so much more realizes. It was, it is, it will be so much more. Form straining to finally become, the being that is Danny releases.

The portal explodes out, a supernova of force, yet contained by his mind. The green mist coalesses, filling the metal machine made by its parent’s hands. The gateway becomes and the new born halfa, its guardian self, floats inside.

Slowly, the halfa floats out of the bridge. He blinks for a long moment, staring at the portal, his other body. A gloved hand over his chest, heart and core intertwined. Ghostly chill in his veins and human warmth.

He breathes out and… laughs with relief. His portal self pulses with mirth, mist curling. 

“I’m… I’m alive. That worked. Danny… Phantom… we did it.”

He is a ghost and he is alive. He is a gateway and he is a boy. He is Danny and he is Phantom. And he is whole.

Note: So yeah, yall know how much I love split Danny so this idea was born out of that love. If you’ve read my other words, you’ll probably notice some thematic similarities to Face to Face, hence why I never wrote this despite coming up with this idea first. Seriously, I was daydreaming about this fic while I was in grad school and supposed to be paying attention in the lecture I was TAing. 😅

The portal consuming Danny’s physical body was an interesting idea which came from free story I read on Kindle years ago. It was either a one off short story or in an anthology but I had not luck finding it. It was about a man who got a case of cancerous pocket dimension. Basically, this pocket of space appeared on his stomach and grew like a cancer, eventually destroying him. It was sad, about his wrestling with his impending death and leaving his daughter behind. About how his new part of space was being created with his life and yet he would not live to see it. He was not becoming the space, no part of his consciousness would stay. And yet, the planet that was visible through the spot, a new planet in a whole new universe, which he told his daughter about and showed her to her amazement, was named after her. A part of him did survive. 

I swear the story was a lot more poignant that my explanation and I really wish I could find it but I’m having no luck. 😭

Anyway, thanks for pushing me into writing this. Feel free to tell me what you think!

[brittlecakes92]

I know you want more asks, so I’m gonna flood your inbox with ideas if with you’re cool with that. 😉

Papa Reiko headcanons!

We all know those kids would be well behaved. He expects nothing less. But how is he as a daddy? 🤗

Ohhhhh, I love this. The amount of babies I would give this man... anyways, here we go! - Reiko trains his children young. They will know how to defend themselves. Reiko has enemies, and he will fight tooth and fucking nails to protect his, but he will make sure they can protect themselves too. - Reiko's biggest anxiety or fear is leaving his child(ren) in the manner his parents left him. The thought alone makes him more vicious. - They never set a foot out of line. - He loves watching his daughter take down his soldiers. He trained his baby girl well. - When you can't find your husband or new born baby you worry a little until you hear a noise that was all to familiar for you. Stepping to the doors that lead to the balcony outside, you would see a sight that would warm your heart forever. Reiko is laid against the railing of the smooth stone wall. Your child tucked under his chin, their body scrunched up on his chest. His arms protectively draped over them as he sharpens his blade against the whey stone. - Reiko takes your child everywhere, You have to remind him they can't go everywhere with them, and he gives you a challenging look as if to say; "Watch me." - Reiko is also the type that as soon as his child does the smallest thing he is bragging to his soldiers about it. They actually really like it, because it shows that he knows more emotions then just anger. - When you have to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby, Reiko is up, doesn't matter. He is holding your child while they feed from you, while tilting your cup for you to get a drink from. - When it comes time for you to give birth he is there, encouraging you, he's very attentive. And as soon as he hears the first cries of your child, he's frozen. He's never seen anything so tiny, so delicate. He questions if he should even hold them. He's quiet. He is trying to process so many emotions. You watch him as silent tears roll down his face. He takes your hand, placing a kiss on your knuckles before thanking you. You don't hear it much from him, so when Reiko tells you thank you, he genuinely means it. - He let's his kids do his war paint and wears it with pride. -They want to fix his hair? No problem, what is someone going to say. -You have to remind him that knives aren't for a baby, and he tells you his child can play with whatever they want. -The first time his child cries from getting hurt, he feels a sense of anger he has never felt before. And he hurts for his child. - He is very comforting, and affectionate towards his children. - If they are sick, he's telling you to sleep he will stay up with them.

-Bad dream? Not in Daddy's protective arms. You have a new bed mate. (: -He loves to take his kids on camping trips, telling them stories of his victories, or stories of the stars and how they came to be named.

-Reiko wants a huge family. So you better love being pregnant.

-He is proud of all of their accomplishments. No matter how small, or big. - He is a pushover for his kids. Yes he is stern, but they have him wrapped around his finger. - They are taught to be very respectful of you too.

---------------------------------------------------------

These are all that could come to mind, I hope you love them! I loved writing them! (:

[spacesapphi]

"Moving Forward, Spiraling Downard Ch3- Try to Remember Them"

Good news, I was off work today which meant I could finish the chapter! Bad news, I was off because I had a fever </3 (if there are any spelling mistakes I will make sure to fix them in time LOL)

Summary: Now that Jas is getting old enough to have questions about her family, Shane decides to show her some old photos and films from years back. While the night starts off well enough, Shane will find he can't help but slip deeper into a bad habit that's been building for some time

TW for alcohol usage at the end of the chapter

AO3 Version here !

Tumblr Version below the cut! :

The conversation had started much earlier that day with Shane driving Jas home from preschool. Snow was starting to fall, decorations for the upcoming Winter Star celebrations decked all over the streets in the city. Shane was blasting some old 80's dad rock (the censored versions, for Jas' sake), mumbling along the lyrics, sipping from a cola in the cupholder. This ride home was one of the most peaceful events in their daily routine, and he loved it.

And while the thought of driving still made him anxious, even after all these years, he still found himself enjoying it. He'd not have to worry about work for the night, and Jas always had some entertaining stories to tell from school that day. Ever since the girl learned how to talk, she'd chatter on a mile a minute, having a surprisingly rich vocabulary for a nearly 4-year-old. She was so smart too, getting heaps of praise from her teachers every time he went to pick her up. He was so proud of her, and he knew his friends would've been too.

So when Jas got in the car that afternoon, quiet as a mouse, Shane instantly got the feeling something was off. By now she was usually already halfway through her first tale of the day, but not today. All she did was stare down at a little paper in her hands, not looking up or making a noise even once the entire ride. Shane kept checking the rearview mirror every chance he could, feeling his nervousness grow. Did something happen today? Was something in classes making her upset? Every possibility ran through his head.... Well, every possibility except for what was actually happening. 

In her hands, Jas held an art project the kids were tasked with today. They'd been asked to draw their families, and she was so excited to work on it. She, ever the artist, was so proud of her piece. It was simple, just her, her Uncle Shane, and Aendi Marnie all standing together in a little field. She put so much effort into it, so much time and love! But when she proudly showed it to one of her friends, all they said was: 

"Where's your mommy and daddy?"

And Jas didn't know how to answer that. Well… Uncle Shane was her dad… right? Her teacher said a dad takes care of you and loves you, and that's what he did. He did everything a dad was supposed to do. But that answer didn't exactly feel right. If he was her dad, where was her mom? And if he wasn’t , then where were either of her parents? Staring at the page in her hands, she couldn't help but wonder that something was missing from this story. Something was being left out, and she was going to find out what that was.

"Jas.... Jas.... Jassy .... Jasmyne Rose Anderson ."

The little girl's head finally shot up; eyes wide. Uncle Shane never used her full name unless she was in trouble. He didn't seem upset though, like the time she was running around the apartment and knocked over a table, shattering a special trophy of his. He seemed... Worried. 

"You alright, chickadee?" He asked, brows furrowed, "Nothing happened at school today, did it?"

"No...."

"Then what's up? Usually you're a little chatterbox back there." He laughed a bit. Jas looked back down at her paper, and back to him, "Can I ask a question?"

"Anything, kiddo."

"Are you my dad?"

Shane hit the brakes a little harder than he intended to at the stoplight, causing Jas to yelp in surprise. Shiiit, he was not prepared for this conversation. He knew she'd have questions soon enough. It was inevitable. But no amount of preparation made him feel ready for this moment, especially while driving . Gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter, he regained his composure just enough to answer her question. 

"No, Jas, I'm not." His tone was solemn and soft, "I'm your uncle, remember? Uncle Shane?"

"Yeah but..." Jas furrowed her brow, "You act like a dad. And teacher says everyone has one."

"I know, I know... But there's different kinds of families, Jas. Not everyone has them, and that's okay! It's just different," he tried to explain, tsk-ing softly, "You... You did have them though, a mom and a dad, but-"

He was tripping on his words, not sure how to get this across in a way she could understand. She was so little still, and he had to handle this the right way now so he didn't have to deal with repercussions later. Jas didn't seem satisfied with the answer so far, still looking incredibly confused and lost. 

"Where are they?" She asked, tilting her head to the side, "Are they coming back?"

"Yoba-dammit I can't do this." Shane thought to himself, hands still holding tight onto the steering wheel. This was such a bad time, the worst time for this kind of question. But he couldn’t just ignore it. He prayed that they would be home soon enough.

"No... They aren't. They're-" he stopped for just a moment, taking in a sharp breath. He tried to break it in the softest way he could, "They're dead, Jassy..."

"...Why?" 

"I don't know, I wish I had the answer," Shane muttered, "Sometimes sad things happen and we just... Don't know why."

"Oh..." The girl's voice trailed off, "Okay..."

The air in the car was tense, Shane entirely certain he didn't handle that with the grace he needed to. He really should've thought this out ahead of time, made a plan to talk to her about this. He just thought he had more time. He kept looking back at her through the rearview mirror, worried about how she was taking it. Seeing a mostly neutral expression was... odd, concerning even. He really thought she'd be more upset at this. 

"If you have any feelings about it, it's okay..." He assured, "If you feel sad or angry, I get it. I feel that way about it."

"I don't know," Jas shrugged, "I don't think I'm sad."

"Really? You don't miss them at all, anything?"

"I don't know 'em."

That realization hit Shane like a ton of bricks. He hadn't thought about that, that Jas would have been far too young to have memories of them. It made sense, she was barely even a year old at the time, but it still hurt to know. He thought back to his mom, about how few memories he had of her. Everytime he tried to think of her he could only picture Marnie in her place. He didn't remember what her voice sounded like either. It was all a blur to him. Was that what was happening with Jas? He didn't want her to grow up with no knowledge of Jason and Amelia, no memory of their faces or voices. He wanted her to have at least something. That's when he remembered a special box of mementos he kept up high in the closet, full of memories from back in their college days.

A small smile appeared on his face, "I think I know somethin' that will help you remember them."

"What is it?"

"You'll just have to wait till we're home to see!"

Back to the present, the two were sitting on the couch, dressed in their pajamas as they ate dinner and looked through memories. Multiple binders of old photos and memorabilia were laid out on the floor, open to some of the happiest snapshots of Shane and his friends' lives. Trips they went on, mundane little moments in their dorms or apartment, and all the memories that made life so enjoyable.

 The TV was blasting, playing old reels the three of them made for their film class years ago. They were absolutely cheesy, and maybe even a bit cringy, Shane knew that much. But the three of them absolutely loved campy, low budget movies, so that was just fine with them. What was important was that the class had brought them all together and gave them some of their best memories.

 As the last short film, a live action interpretation of Journey of the Prairie King, ended, Shane slipped yet another VHS into the player and sat back on the couch, giving Jas a grin, “This one’s funny, it’s all the takes we couldn’t use!”

“Why?” 

“Oh you’ll see!” Shane laughed. The TV flickered to life, a little clapboard right in front of the camera. 

“Okay this is… Yoba help me, this is take seventeen for the JojaMart commercial project.” a tired voice called out, “Let’s take this one seriously, guys, I’d like to be doing anything else.”

The board was removed, revealing Shane and Jason sitting at a table, dressed in fancy suits in front of a plain backdrop. Shane looked like he was using all of his effort to not start laughing, a devious look on Jason’s face. He had been purposefully going off script for an hour now to try and get Shane to break character and laugh and had succeeded every single time. Jason gave Amelia a cheesy grin, letting her know he was up to no good yet again, and leaned forward, starting his practiced spiel, “Join us and thrive! That’s our motto at JojaFart-”

Shane immediately burst into giggles, punching Jason playfully in the shoulder, “Screw you man, that one wasn’t even funny !”

“You’re laughing though!” 

“Because it was stupid !”

“Still laughed!”

The two cackled on, Amelia’s voice from behind the camera being heard, “Can you two take anything seriously?” her voice warbled a bit, obviously trying to hold back her own laugh. Jason’s jokes were always corny and she was growing frustrated at how many takes they were at, but seeing those two laughing and carrying on never failed to get her to join in.

“Now you got her laughin’!” Shane motioned towards the camera, “The ice queen finally melts, huh?”

“Oh stop !” Amelia scolded playfully, “You two are so lucky I tolerate you.” she joked.

“C’mon you loooove me,” Jason batted his eyes exaggeratedly at her, feigning innocence. Amelia sighed wistfully, “I’d love you more if you did a serious take for once!”

“Okay, okay… I’ll do one serious take. I promise,”

“Thank you, honey,”

“Did he do it?” Jas questioned. Shane laughed and shook his head, “Oh no, we had to do ten more after that. Your mom was sooo mad, we never took anything seriously.”

The reel switched over to another scene. Jason was in a bandit costume, standing further away in the background, facing away from the camera.  Amelia was dressed in a cheap western costume, adjusting her gloves as she waited for her cue. She caught a glimpse of Shane’s face, and gave him a suspicious look, “Oh you two did something stupid, didn’t you?”

“No! You worry too much, Ams,” It couldn’t be seen on the reel, but Shane had the biggest smirk sitting on his face. 

Of course the two planned something, when did they not? Jason was the king of pulling pranks during their film sessions, much to Amelia’s chagrin. She was always the more serious one in their relationship. While Jason was off having fun with gridball and his classes, she was working herself to the bone trying to get her degree. And while that dedication was something both Jason and Shane admired, they knew she needed the chance to unwind and laugh every once in a while. 

“Let’s get rollin’, you ready back there, Jay?” he called out, simply getting a thumbs up from his friend. Shane gave Amelia a nod, letting her know her cue was about to start. She nodded in return, holding up her prop rifle and pointing it towards Jason. 

“I’ve got you right where I want you! Nowhere to turn!” Amelia sounded so believable, like she was made for the stage, “Turn around with your hands up!”

“Did you get me?” Jason started, forcing his voice into a deep southern drawl, “Or did I get you?” he turned around quickly, brandishing his own prop weapon… Or what was supposed to be his prop weapon. It looked cartoony, nothing like what they initially planned on. Amelia looked towards Shane, a confused look on her face, “Where the hell is his normal-” 

She yelped as a shot of water hit her in the face, Jason laughing maniacally as he brandished his water gun high in the air, running towards the camera and shooting it all the while. Amelia ran offscreen, laughing herself as she tried to escape him. 

“You ass , you two planned this didn’t you!” she laughed, covering her head. 

“There’s another one on the table for you, Ams!”

Jason stopped in his tracks, giving an expression of mocked betrayal towards Shane, “That’s not fair, that wasn’t part of the plan!”

“Oh you deserve it!” Shane scoffed, pulling out his own and waving it in the air, “Better start runnin’,”

Jason ran off far into the background, followed close behind by Shane and Amelia, both holding their own water guns as they barreled towards him. The king of pranks was getting usurped by his primary targets, and he found it hilarious. The further away they got, the more the echo of their laughs boomed. The film session had devolved into absolute chaos, as it often did. Amelia couldn’t even pretend to be upset about it, having far too much fun with her two favorite people in the world to care about the take.

The next few scenes had both Shane and Jas in stitches. Between normal bloopers, or another elaborate scheme Jason cooked up to mess around during the shot, the two were in hysterics. And even though Shane and Amelia (mostly Amelia) could look annoyed with the stunts, they truly did enjoy it. Messing around like that was Jason’s love language, and it was how he showed he cared about them. Making those two laugh was one of his favorite things in the world, and it was so obvious with each and every outtake.

 Even though he was laughing now, part of this made Shane’s heart break. Knowing he’d never get to do this again, never get to mess around with his best friends and get up to all sorts of trouble, it just made him miss it even more. He’d never get to hear Jason’s jokes, or Amelia’s laughing and playful scolding of the both of them ever again. He wasn’t religious anymore, not by any means, but for the moment he just let himself believe the two of them could be in a better place, a safe place. There, Jason was still running around and causing mayhem, Amelia being her sweet and loving self. And maybe, someday far in the future when he too was gone, he could see them again and get right back to their chaos. The thought put him at just a bit of ease, and for a moment he understood why so many people were religious in the first place.

Jas was absolutely loving the tapes, every second of them. Seeing just how fun and goofy the three of them were back in the day made her miss something she never even had. She could imagine herself playing pranks with her dad, getting up to no good together, and having fun. She could see herself with her mom, reading stories together and dressing up. They seemed so nice, so fun, and she wished so much that she could’ve known them. Having Uncle Shane and Aendi was great, and she loved them both, but knowing that she could’ve had them too just made her wish the circumstances were different. It was a difficult notion to grasp for someone her age, and she didn’t yet understand all the feelings she had about it. Maybe it was too complicated to understand for a long while. But in the moment, all she could do was laugh at the memories of what once was.

The last video on the tape began to play, a clapboard reading “Knights Promise” sitting in front of the screen. A look of recognition appeared on Shane’s face, “You’re gonna love this one, Jas,” he whispered. 

 The scene finally came into view. The camera was laid out to look upon a rocky shore. Amelia stood and waited in the background, dressed in a flowing gown and a fake tiara. Coily, purple hair was pulled back into a thick braid, tossed over her shoulder. Jas stared on with excitement in her eyes, “She’s a princess…” she whispered, voice filled with awe. A quiet conversation between Jason and Shane could be heard happening just behind the camera. 

“I can’t do it, man, I’m nervous.”

“Jason, I swear to Yoba I’ve been helping you plan this for a month , if you don’t do it today, so help me- ”

“Alright! I’ll do it…”

“You got this, Jay.”

Jason emerged in front of the camera, dressed in some cheap knight costume. Amelia turned to look at him, putting her hands on her hips and giving him a mildly exasperated look, “Finally! We’re losing daylight, let’s get this scene done.”

“I know, I know, I just had to get somethin’ ready,” Jason stood in front of her, looking deep into Amelia’s eyes, “Yoba, you’re so pretty…” 

“We’re rollin’!” Shane called out, giving them a thumbs up. The pair got into position, stepping up carefully onto the slippery rocks near the shore’s edge. They got themselves in character, preparing to film the finale scene for the film.

Jason took Amelia’s hand, the two looking at each other with longing, “I’ve been waiting for you, all this time…” she whispered, leaning in close. Jason cupped her cheek with one hand, wrapping another around her waist, “I needed to fulfill my promise, to my people... But now, I’ll fulfill mine to you.” 

He pulled away from her grasp, fumbling for something in his pocket. Amelia frowned and whispered, “Jay, this isn’t in the script, what are you doing?” He gave her a big, toothy grin, “Something I’ve been waiting to do for a long time.”

Getting down carefully onto one knee, he pulled a little box from his pocket. Opening it, a glimmer of light hit the ring inside, making it sparkle in front of the camera. Jason smiled softly up towards his girlfriend, “Amelia May, will you-”

Amelia immediately clapped her hands to her mouth, eyes wide in excitement, “No way!” she exclaimed, in complete disbelief. Jason’s face fell, looking like a kicked puppy for just a moment, lowering down the ring box. He didn’t expect her to say no, especially that fast.

“No no, I meant yes!” Amelia laughed, kneeling down with him, “I will! I will marry you! I just didn’t expect that!”

“Really?!” Jason’s smile returned, eyes scrunching at the corners. Amelia nodded fast, happy tears biting at the corners of her eyes. She pulled him in close by the face, smashing her lips into his. He held her tight, the two laughing softly and exchanging little “I love you's” back and forth. The sun was setting behind him, the golden hour for filming this scene quickly passing, but the two of them didn’t care. You could see in their faces just how much they were enthralled in this moment. The take could wait, this moment needed to be savored.

“Hell yeaaah !” Shane screeched from behind the camera, knocking it over in the sand as he ran to them. Even with the device on its side, you could still make out him tackling them in a hug, the trio laughing and chattering away in their excitement. A low beep could be heard, the battery running low on the camera. Moments later, the feed cut out, leaving the screen dark. 

Jas smiled wide, feeling so happy seeing just how in love they were. It reminded her of all those princess movies she loved so much, with those happy fairytale wedding endings. She looked up to see Shane sniffling, wiping his face with his shirt sleeve, “Are you said’?” she asked. 

“No, no…” he sniffed, giving her a smile, “It was really nice seeing that again.”

“Can we watch more?” Jas asked, clasping her hands together, “Pleaaaase?” 

“I don’t know, it’s too close to bedtime, kid,”

“ Pleaasee! ” Jas gave him a pouty expression, one that always seemed to get him to reconsider. But tonight was different. Shane stood firm in his decision and shook his head, “You know we have to leave early tomorrow to go to aendi’s.”

“Whyyyyy,” Jas complained, throwing her head back dramatically. 

“Because she wants us over for Winter Star, and I know you’re excited for that,” Shane explained, standing and motioning for Jas to follow, “Come on, we’ll watch more later.”

“Promise?”

“I promise .”

Reluctantly, Jas slipped off the couch, making her way towards her bed that sat against the wall. Piled high with stuffed animals, and decorated with fancy pillows and blankets, a “canopy” hanging above it (made from pink curtains and fairylights Shane had merely thumb-tacked into the ceiling). It wasn’t much, but Jas insisted it made her feel just like a princess. Shuffling under the covers, she made one last pout, trying to make Shane feel bad for the crime of being a responsible parent that made sure she went to bed at a proper time.

“Come on Jassy, you know if I let you stay up you’ll be cranky all day tomorrow,” Shane tsked as he got her tucked in, “Did you like the movies, though?”

She gave him a sleepy smile, “Mm-hm…dad was funny…” 

“He was! He was the funniest guy I knew,”

“Do you miss ‘em?”

Shane took a deep breath and nodded, “Everyday, Jas. I really wish you could have known them,”

“Yeah…” Jas mumbled, “You’re funny too… I’m happy you’re my uncle.”

“So am I,” Shane smiled softly, “Let’s get to sleep though, okay? Biiiig day tomorrow.”

“Not even sleepy…” she mumbled, yawning immediately after. Shane shook his head, “Mm-hmm, sounds like you’re wide awake there,”

“Yup…” Jas retorted, barely able to keep her eyes open, “Wiiiide awake,”

She fell asleep almost instantly unable to stay awake a moment longer. As much as she would protest bedtime, she’d always be lights out in minutes without fail. Shane turned off the lamp next to her, whispering softly, “Night, Jassy,”

With the apartment now sitting in the dark, the smile he had been forcing onto his face all day vanished. He sighed deeply, holding his head in his hands. Between keeping a customer service attitude for work, and staying strong for Jas, he was exhausted by the day’s end. The soul crushing bitterness he felt had no buffer anymore, feeling free to just overtake him now that there wasn’t anyone awake or around to see him. Every day was a struggle, forcing him to bottle up his fears and frustrations for the greater good. He couldn’t mask how he was feeling anymore, and he didn’t want to. Lifting himself up from the floor, he drug himself to the kitchen, pulling a new six pack from the fridge. 

The bitter taste of beer almost made him gag, but he forced it down. As awful as the cheap stuff tasted, it was one thing that helped quiet down his mind when there wasn’t a readily available distraction. Before all this he’d normally watch some crappy reality tv, or blast some music to keep his mind busy, but that wasn’t possible anymore. He was left just in silence, him and the can in his hand. 

Leaning against the counter, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wouldn’t let this become a habit; he couldn’t let this become a habit. When they were in college, Jason talked at length about his fathers drinking habits, how he became a moping, pathetic man the moment he could get a bottle in his hand. It was miserable, and made Jason feel so incredibly lonely and sad when he was growing up. He hated it, and rarely drank because of it. Shane didn’t want to become that kind of man, not when he had Jas to worry about. He promised himself he’d never get to that point, that he’d never make Jas feel miserable because of his own habits. Every time he pulled that can towards his lips, he could just envision Jason’s face as he talked about those experiences, and just felt a little bit worse. But he wasn’t going to be like that, he knew his limits, he knew when to quit. He’d just have one more , and head to sleep. 

That’s what he’d been telling himself just about every night for months now; just one more. It was just a small part of his routine; it wasn’t a problem… was it? He didn’t even want to entertain the idea of having one. He was fine, he would be fine , he just needed a bit of extra help at the end of the day. Plenty of people did the same and functioned just fine, right? He’d been finding every possible way to rationalize it since he started. But it was progressively getting worse, as much as he wouldn’t admit it. First it was just one drink occasionally, then one can a night, then two, then three. He promised himself he’d stop here, just like he promised himself at every other stage. He was stupid to believe himself, but he chose to anyway. He finished a fourth can and tossed it into the recycling, feeling the miserable feeling in his heart grow just a bit more numb.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room, wincing at the sight. Oh, he was a sight for sore eyes. He looked so tired and unkempt, his hair choppy, once bright eyes dull. The man that was once so happy and full of life was replaced with this… husk, and it was getting harder to keep up this charade that he was doing fine.

Lumbering off to the couch, he grabbed a pillow and blanket and curled up as much as he could. It was far too small for his stocky frame to lay upon comfortably, but he made do. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept on a proper bed. The apartment wasn’t large enough to accommodate two of them, and there was no way in hell he was affording a larger one, so he had given up that privilege for Jas’ sake. He tried not to be bitter about it though. Sacrifices had to be made for family sometimes, that much he accepted long ago. 

And who knew, maybe someday soon he’d get some big break. Maybe he’d win the lottery, and they could actually move into a nice, big house and never have to worry about money or anything ever again. He could pay off his looming debts, get Jas into a good school and good college someday, maybe help fund the ranch so Marnie could afford to have help on it again. Ah, the “if only”’s. His ambitions for the future were big but felt so unobtainable in this tiny little space.

The exhaustion of the day and growing buzz from the drinks he just downed drew him into the comforting arms of sleep. The last thing he saw was the screen on the TV, a beautiful image of him, Jason, and Amelia all together, happy as could be. They were all so innocent, so clueless of what would befall them in just two years time as they chattered away. Shane envied it, the obliviousness of his younger self.

His eyes glossed over as he listened to the hushed volume of the tv, hearing just one last conversation the trio had on the outtake reel. Jason was being silly as always, putting two straws in his mouth to look like tusks, acting wild in an attempt to get the other two to laugh.

“You are such a dork .” Amelia laughed, zooming the camera in on him and Shane, “ Both of you are dorks.”

“Well if you’re hanging out with us that makes you one too,” Shane retorted, a big ole’ smirk on his face. 

Jason pulled the straws from his mouth, leaning over to give Amelia a kiss on the cheek, “My favorite dork.” She giggled in response, kissing him right back, “And you’re mine,”

“Wow, ouch,” Shane joked, feigning disappointment, “It’s like you two don’t even like me, anymore!” his voice was dripping with playful sarcasm.

“Oh, hush,” Jason punched his shoulder playfully, getting a laugh from Shane, who kept the bit going, “Nope, you two made your choice, guess I’m alone now,” 

Jason rolled his eyes and smiled, “Come on, you know we’ll always be here for you, man,”

Oh, how Shane wished that was true.

[hithertoundreamtof23]

Watching No Way Home with my family (it's their first time) Pt 2!

Find part 1 here.

Basically, I'm writing down the funniest things that my non-Marvel family says while I show them NWH. (They don't know the extent of my Doctor Strange/ mcu obsession)

~~~~

*Doc Ock talks about how he doesn't want to be fixed*

Mom- "It's just like you not wanting to go to therapy"

(Okay, but that hit hard 😭)

~~

*Green Goblin starts beating Peter*

Mom- He's  so violent!!

Me- *silently enjoying the whump* 

~~

*May dies*

Mom- Peter should have listened to Strange! Me- Yup

Brother- She died because of Goblin's Skateboard! It's just like the other movies!!

Mom- *crying* why May though?

Dad- All the Spider-Men had to lose someone

Brother- Speaking of which, when do the other ones come in?

~~

(After cheering their heads off about the other Spider-Men showing up)

Mom- "wow, Tobey got old"

Dad- "well it's been like 40 years"

~~

(Lots of laughing and calling out references)

~~

Brother- "Hey, where did your husband go?"

Me- (I've accepted it at this point) "he's still in the Grand Canyon"

~~

(Andrew pops Tobey's back)

Dad- that sounded so good! I could use a back popping now

Mom- that noise was awful!

~~

(Stephen appears again)

Brother- It's your husband!

Me- he looks so done

Dad- well yeah, he was in the Grand Canyon forever

~~

(Cloak saves Ned, Ned calls it a cape)

Mom- I thought it was a cloak?

Me- oh, it is!

~~

(MJ falls)

Mom- NOT THIS AGAIN!! (She just got over Gwen's death)

Dad- Oh Andrew saves her! It's a callback to his Spider-Man! Me- *proud of my parents but also crying*

Mom- *sobbing* "He's emotional because he remembers how he couldn't catch his girl" *sobs some more*

~~

Mom- this can't get any more sad

Me- it does

Mom- how?

(Tobey gets stabbed)

Mom- HE DIES???

Me- no XD

~~

*forgetting spell happens*

Brother- that's kind of funny

Mom- *sobbing even more* " It did get worse!! WHY DIDNT HE TELL THEM? He's so stupid. Now he's alone and he has nobody to talk to and he could have made friends but he chose not to because he's Stupid!"

...

Mom- THATS THE END?? NAH THAT CANT BE THE END. I THOUGHT SUPER HERO MOVIES ENDED HAPPY?!

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

One thing that's really sunk in now that I am in my late 30's and finally processing everything, especially having other experiences to contrast things against, is just how much my childhood was impacted in major ways by early attitudes I learned but never noticed.

Like you know how kids cry out to their mothers or parents for help? Or go to them when they have nightmares? That kind of stuff? I just never fucking did that. I remember just never fucking doing that, and I remember decidedly not going to my parents for help with anything else as a kid or teen. My mom used to even brag about what a quiet baby I was. How I'd sleep all day and just make quiet cooing noises all night in my crib.

Instead of asking for more food the moment I was able I'd hunt bugs for myself int he garden, forcing my mother to leave food out for me to "forage". Because by the time I could crawl or walk my first instinct was to look for a solution myself.

And I know why.

I know my parents have always made their lack of willingness to be supportive or understanding preemptively understood. I remember crying as a child to the point of hyperventilating, standing there trying to calm myself down as best I could, and eventually figuring out that if I sobbed out "I - Need- A - Hug" my mother would clue in that hugging me helped. But I had to figure out that it helped calm me down and communicate that to her before that support was even offered.

Usually how it would go is my sister would already be upset about something and acting out, and the moment I tried to voice that I was having a problem with something too there would be this immediate "Oh don't you start >:(" Like whether I was alone or not the moment I started to seem visibly upset things had gone too far, and people would continue to treat me as a litmus test for that for the rest of my life. Other people could cry and scream but the moment I was expressing that I was upset with any visible emotion, things had gone to far and everyone had to stop.

But it must have been before that too. I must have gotten the signal really early on that I could cry all I wanted and help wasn't coming, because from day one my most ingrained instinct when something went wrong, no matter how big and incomprehensible, has been "okay, so what do -I- do?"...

And I see it now with the way my mother responded to me as a teenager and how she responds to small needy things like animals. The moment they start to whine or pester her for something she acts really agitated and snaps or loses her temper really quickly.

And the stories she'd tell sometimes like she's proud of herself for figuring out how to manipulate us into "good behaviour" when we were "misbehaving"... and it was stuff like if I started crying too instead of helping to get my sister to stop, she's just throw herself on the floor and cry until we were both trying to comfort her... But it never seems to have occurred to her that this meant any time I expressed an unmet need, it was treated as bad behaviour that had to stop and never be addressed.

And when I was a teenager the moment it started to sound like I might tell her something was wrong she would interrupt me to say how I better not because it would "hurt her heart" or remind me of her bleeding ulcers or how she can't handle the stress. The few times as a teen I tried to tell her about anything going poorly in my life it became about managing her feelings about it and her telling me how I ought to have already handled it... So I learned to just not tell her anything.

And I think it was always like that. I had assumed it must just be how I'm hardwired because my sister never did anything except throw tantrums and expect someone to fix it for her, usually me, until she broke it so many times it couldn't be fixed again... Because she was allowed to.

I think, really, all babies start out knowing how to cry for their mothers, and some of us just learn that help won't come.

And before I stopped talking to her she'd ask me why I never told her anything about my life. She'd tell me how my sister tells her all about things all the time even when it's bad, like abusive boyfriends or doing meth or whatever, they talk about it... But I didn't know how to tell her that for my entire life, any time I have tried to tell her about myself or express that something wasn't right, she's told me to stop talking.

And then anytime I started expressing strong emotions as a teenager my step mother would accuse me of faking and punish me. Like even if I wasn't autistic to begin with I don't know how I was supposed to learn how to express emotions 'normally'.

And then my friends too. If I wasn't outwardly emotional they'd treat me like I couldn't possibly be serious about something or actually upset, and if I did show outward emotion, I was being dramatic or faking.

I am not the kind of person who can stand to sit in from of a mirror and practice making facial expressions properly to make sure I am doing it right without further developing imposter syndrome about my own emotions.

My entire life my job has been to not have needs of my own, to take care of everyone else's and to occupy myself, and it's been ingrained in me since literal infancy.

So surprise, surprise, I have ended up actually preferring to be alone, being entirely independent when I shouldn't even be able to manage it, physically speaking, and I spend all day quietly keeping myself occupied.

I don't know how else to be.

My brain grew in this way. They made sure of it.

[axel-ambassador]

Cass's S3 arc was wasted potential, how about we fix that

This is gonna be a long one so buckle up.

yes yes we all know how much her villain and redemption arc was very iffy and can be fixed in so many ways. For example the ones I've seen:

Remove Gothel and focus on different motivations, you could have her doing it to protect Rapunzel rather than simply turning against her out of jealousy.

Have Zhan Tiri literally posses her through her ill feelings and control her like a puppet both physically and mentally.

Have the mirror demon Cass take the moonstone as a double plot twist, leaving Cass stuck in the house of yesterdays tomorrows, and nobody even knows.

All of these are fantastic ideas to rewrite her arc but one I've seen less explored in detail is the insanity route.

Insanity and delusion arcs, if done well, can make for some very compelling characters, whose motivations and actions can be unpredictable, but also understandable.

What if the moonstone slowly ate away at Cass's sanity, ON TOP OF what's she's already going through with her feelings of uselessness and abandonment, and with Zhan Tiri constantly talking in her ear and feeding her lies used to justify those feelings. Just take what we already have in canon, and spice it up a bit to make it more believable.

What if the moonstone also projected voices? Lost souls who have succumbed to the effects of possessing the stone, some nagging and screeching at Cass, telling her not to make the same mistake as they did, and some encouraging and praising her to follow Zhan Tiri and do these awful things.

The thing is, despite hearing voices, Cass refuses to remove the stone, because she's never felt so alive, so powerful, and she slowly gaslights herself into believing that the stone is, in fact, keeping her alive, because without this power she may as well be dead, with her injury essentially ruining her future, and that's her justification in Crossing the Line.

Think of the Ice King from Adventure Time. His crown gives him incredible ice powers and keeps him alive, but it takes his sanity from him, creating an impossible labyrinth in his mind that he becomes trapped in, leaving him a shell of his former self.

So Cass spends 6 months without other human contact, with only the comfort of the little ghost girl and the voices. She's angry, she's scared, so the red rocks still appear. She doesn't know what's happening anymore, why she feels so proud and yet so so guilty all the same. She's confused, she can't sleep, she can't think straight, the voices are pulling at her psyche, tearing her mind in two, one that is still loyal to Raps and is sorry betraying her, only wanting to be noticed for once, hoping they can fix their friendship, and one with a darker train of thought that is angry, in pain, and thinks that this is the only way, that Rapunzel needs to know how it feels to be seen as nothing but a shadow, an afterthought, a mistake, like she has been seen as for so many years.

They conflict, each thought slowly becoming more and more incoherent as it all blends into a cacophony of static noise, a whirlwind of emotion that she doesn't know how to process, and so she does what she's always done when he feels lost.

She fights.

Rapunzel sees her after 6 months and notices something off. Cass's confidence and pride all those months ago seem to be gone, she sees a caged animal, growling and clawing at scraps of salvation. She's talking to herself.

Varian is kidnapped, with the intention of obtaining more power, because without this incantation, she's nothing but a nuisance to her former friends unless she proves that she's powerful enough to pose a threat, so she can finally be taken seriously.

Nothing Left to Lose is relatively the same, but Cass appears more unhinged in her movements, nearly impaling Varian and even herself as the song continues. She cant lose, not when she's lost her parents, capability, future, friends, home, and without knowing just yet, sanity.

Bring back the deleted storyboards of her panting and lashing out as she destroys the painting of Raps, and you can see the slight remorse in her eyes before a faint whisper ushers her away from the wreckage, telling her to claim their her rightful throne.

When the gang tries to enter, she revels in their struggle, they finally have an inkling of what it's like to be so determined to reach a goal, only to be shut down at each corner. She laughs, but it doesn't sound like her. She eventually lets them up on her own, they need to see just how powerful she's become.

"I'm glad you could make it Raps, I've been waiting for you."

Attack. Attack. This is your chance, coward.

"Shut up..."

"...I didn't say anything Cass..."

Cass pauses, none of the voices ever responded to her pleas before. She looks at Rapunzel with an unreadable expression.

You're crazy, you're insane insaneinsaneinsane doitdoitdoit makehersufferkillher kill her

"I said SHUT UP!"

She lashes out. She fights. She's quick, strong, but also sloppy, and that's what makes her fall to Rapunzel's power.

The moonstone is chipped like her psyche. What now whatnow whatnowwhatnow?

More power they whisper, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

But it's not enough, it's never enough, she's never been enough. She's stuck, she's always been stuck. An endless cycle of a dream, a goal, a passion, followed by an obstacle, an intrusion, a blonde princess. She needs to break this cycle before it breaks her further.

So she lets the ghost girl guide her, too tired and too sick to navigate her ocean of emotions anymore. Letting wave after wave pass over her until she drowns, and suddenly she's in a cave, clutching a broken box, pieces scattered about like her heart.

She doesn't know what she's saying anymore, what's an intruding voice and what's her own thoughts. She keeps flashing back, stuck in a house, stuck in a castle, stuck in a tree, stuck in a mirror, stuck in a tower, stuck in a cave, stuck, stuck, stuck.

She and Rapunzel break out, with a broken mirror, and a broken spirit.

The voices are screaming, ringing, screeching, she can't form a single coherent thought. She's stuck between ideas.

Forgive her, love her, fix this, fix yourself.

Kill her, hurt her, show her exactly how much she's hurt you. Kill.

Fix. Kill. Fix. Kill. Fix. Kill. FIX. KILL. F I X. K I L L.

Compromise. She's never considered a compromise, never had the peace of mind to. Kill or be killed, was all it ever was for her.

Now it's Rapunzel who is stuck, trapped in a cave by a woman trapped in her mind.

Eventually she finds the missing shard, but her minds only fractures further. She sees visions when she touches those small shoulders, a demon conqueror, a blue haired puppet, an eclipse.

Everything shatters.

She's sick. She's ill. She doesn't know who she is or what she's meant to do.

For once, the good voices ring louder.

Find her. Talk to her. Tell her what's wrong. Maybe she'll listen.

For once.

For once, she lets the good voice be her guide.

But of course they wouldn't want her. She's crazy. She's ill. She's insane as Eugene has put it.

"Cass, please, you don't have to be the bad guy."

So that's all she was.

"I don't want to be the bad guy. I'm sick...I can't think straight. I don't want to fight anymore ok? I just...I can't-"

She's cut off by a shot of amber, and everything is a blur.

Anger, pain, sadness, guilt, betrayal, whispers, screaming, crying, she's screaming, she's crying, she's insane. She's stuck.

She's in a throne room, your making a mistake rightful place, they say. She doesn't want this, she wants...she doesn't know what she wants. She can't feel, she can't think, and suddenly, she doesn't care.

She doesn't care when the eclipse comes. She doesn't care when Rapunzel arrives to take back her kingdom. She doesn't care when the puppet strings are pulled and she's suddenly fighting again. It's automatic. It's feels right. It feels wrong.

Rapunzel is trapped, encased by her (how did that happen?) She can only make out one word in the train wreck that is her mental state.

"Why?"

Why? Why had she done this? Was it even her anymore? Was it Cassandra? Who even is Cassandra? What does she want? What is she doing? She doesn't know the answer to any of these.

Voices and thoughts overlapping, creating a buzzing sensation, she answers as honestly as she knows how to.

"I wish I knew..."

Zhan Tiri take the moonstone, and she just lays there, thinking she's about to die, after all, the stone kept her alive, right? She's never felt so alive and so dead.

She hears Rapunzel's voice, she must have died too. Or maybe it's another one of the good voices giving a final goodbye. She looks around, Hell isn't yellow and rocky...Hell doesn't have a brunette princess...

They're stuck.

"Snap out of it Cass-"

You're crazy.

"I should be dead..."

"...what...?"

Useless. Unwanted. Mistake.

"That stone kept me alive... I might as well be dead... after all, I was as good as dead to you wasn't I?"

"Cass..."

Pitiful. Weak.

"Shut up...i can't think...i don't know who I am anymore...the voices...the voices won't stop...what am I supposed to do...what am I meant to do...who am I...?"

"Oh Cass..."

She tries to listen to Raps's speech, how she was sorry for ignoring her and her feelings, sorry with what was happening to her, how she was her best friend, how they can both work to fix their friendship, to fix her.

For once, Cass allowed herself to relax, as Raps pulled her into her arms.

She dies, for real this time. She can feel the floatiness, the numbness, the void that she could only feel in her mind had finally spread to the rest of her body.

Dead weight.

She's awake, and it's as if nothing has changed. She's surrounded, Raps and Eugene are there welcoming her in their embrace, and she almost feels whole again.

She cries, and cries, and cries and screams and cries and cries and cries.

She doesn't know who she's meant to be, she doesn't know anything anymore. Drunk and ill with power for so long, she's lost everything, her purpose, her future, herself.

She's stuck.

She's given a trial, found guilty of treason, but sentenced to exile as a way to better herself and her mind. Prison would only kill her further.

She's on the road, nothing but herself, Fidella, and the voices, searching for a destiny long lost to a cycle of misery of pain, finally moving, no longer stuck.

geez that took forever oh well I hoped you enjoyed I guess and if you made it this far, thanks for reading, and let me know what you think :)

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 152

Guess who's been playing Our Life: BA and lost every awareness toward time

I will never, ever get over Lorena's defense system. It's SO FRICKING GOOD LIKE..Eggs and bacon? Shuriken? THAT BIG CHOPPING THING? I LOVE THEM.

Also seeing the cpc and Gwen's siblings as fairytale characters are really cool! Also, Thermidora just straight up changing role from Tweedledee/Tweedledum into The Little Mermaid is so accurate regarding how dreams often suddenly change rapidly lmao xd

There are still some people we haven't seen as fairytale characters though. Such as Jack, Leelathae, Leopold, and the Plaid family. I think Leopold would have a role because of his speech to Gwen in chapter 64. Also Leelathae. Is there a chance that she might appear as the grandma of Red Riding Hood in a way to show Gwen's repressed memory? Would it come in a way of Leelathae apologizing to Gwen?

Here's a little angst: Gwen's repressed memory of Leelathae will come to her in the way of Leelathae apologizing to her over over. Apologizing because she had brought her to a cruel world. Feeling deep guilt because she knows what Gwen will go through. Now that I think about it, the immense guilt might be the reason why Leelathae become sick and.. well. But that would be too angsty, wouldn't it? Still might be possible, though...

MOVING ON HAHA I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY THERE.

But imagine if the grandma turns out to be Jack XD since how his old portrait was reacted to by the cpc.

Wait hang on I just realized here. What is Laverne supposed to be? Is-is she the grandma? That would make the "idk where my grandma is" comment by Abbi strange though..

Oh? Red eyes.. Either this is Blaine, referencing to the bonus short featuring him as Red Riding Hood, or it could be Leland, which is like, a little different from a serpent but still a "predator" regardless. Hm, this got me thinking about the similarities between Wolves and Snakes. Which is their cunning nature that fits Leland a lot. But wolves also resemble family which is, uh, not Leland at all! Haha.

So maybe this is Blaine? Like I said, it would reference to him being the Red Riding Hood. Ironically, he becomes the wolf. But! That can also reference to how not only is Leland the one breaking him, he himself is also breaking himself. Because he wouldn't redeem himself, plus Leland "undirectly(?)" Supporting that idea. Geez, Blaine. Yea, I still have a glimmer of hope and I can't help it. I analyze him like a math equation. Someone who I can't understand completely since I'm never in his spot, but someone I can try to learn and figure out? Not in the way of "I can fix him" but in the way of "What is going on with him? What is he thinking? What's blocking his way?"

Orrr since Abbi is the Red Riding Hood, maybe that wolf is Abbi's parent XD although Gwen never meet them so it would be quite impossible.

Moving on, this was talked about in discord and Maria's music note doesn't exactly make sense xd

Is there any Music Expert who can explain this, if you don't mind? XD

BLAINE. BLAINE DON'T.

Tsk tsk. Dissapointed noises from me.

GWEN! She's learning slowly. I'm so proud of her :')

STAN COLONEL SNUGGLES!!!

Maria. Dearest Maria. Would the polite, respectful guard, Lieutenant Beckett Dandridge, throw a fucking rock that smashed your window and might harm you had it been thrown the wrong way?

I'm sorry it's just.

Tsk tsk. Disappointed noises from me.

Good thing though, they finally knows what's happening! And with the help of CPC, I'm sure they'll come through, somehow.. I mean, at least they have some special skills haha. I wonder if Maria can call a lion? Or if Lorena can make venomous/carnivorous plants? I'm excited :D

I must say from the deepest of my heart, goddamnit Blaine holy shit dude wtf. You're still one of my fav character tho so dw. I'm not mad, just disappointed. Really disappointed. I have hope that he will get character development! But the way he is getting more and more like Leland is..concerning to say the least.

That's all for now, I can't wait for the next chapter which will come in.. around 4 hours..haha.. (you should definitely play Our Life: Beginning & Always it's so wholesome. Also I'm in the progress of new cpc art. I have the idea and all, I'm just struggling with drawing the anatomy/pose. Hopefully I will get through that)

Mono out! (But still in to hear your thoughts. Probably. It's 4 AM)

[cubixrubington]

Fuck bro elliott woke up with me and is being all depressed someone make him leave this party bro

Anyways he's like. Having a really bad day like he wouldn't have a full outburst but he's irritable. And I think when he's irritable he's just more tired and more sad which. Elliott. Please :(

He keeps reminding himself of the time a person he really loved died and its so vivid in my mind that he's just. So upset. Because like. Gin (former bestie and sister of the dead person in question) really fucked him up emotionally with that.

Like she's a nice person. She's quiet and calm and soft and very very skilled in what she does. But when her brother died and Elliott forcibly held her from making noise, from moving, from revealing their hiding spot to the people actively killing him. Like her memory is vivid in audio, she heard it, the two of them were hurt and couldn't escape and her brother wasn't there with them he was being MURDERED by halflings and she just. Wasn't allowed to go help, and she would have, she would have rather died than be there in that moment. She would have rather sacrificed everything for a chance to be in his place, for a chance to be with him, even if it would kill her mother, even if it would hurt Elliott, she'd have done it.

So yk. You can guess how angry she was when they got back to the ring and he just tried to take her to the clinic. You can guess how mad she was at the way he just closed up and went quiet and didn't even show emotion. He looked so normal, even bloodstained, even burnt from the hellhounds, even after losing what she thought was his friend.

But yk? When you already struggle with emotions because of your past, and its hard to express and understand, and you lose the one person who maybe helped that even a little. Who made you smile. Who cracked that shell your past had made you. Who you felt immeasurable pride for. Who you felt confident with and proud to be his friend.

Its. Its kinda like the galaxy had lost the sun. It didn't explode. It just went out, and everything went cold, it all shriveled up and died. It didn't take lightyears or science. It just happened. His galaxy went dark.

Plus, he looked back. Gin remembered the sound, he remembered the sight. He got back and just stayed silent other than a nod or a headshake, he didn't talk, he just couldn't, he was so fucking scared of losing himself in the anger and cold.

Gin blamed him for it, because of the events that she thought led to it, she blamed him, and she just never apologized. Because she still blames him. Their relationship may look good on the outside, but it's terrible, they hate being around each other, she hates Elliott with everything and he knows that. He knows that and he hates himself for it.

It's a really good time to mention how easy it is to just actually manipulate Elliott too. His parents did it and he has awful habits because of it, he just takes everything to heart when its bad and deflects it when its good and hhsbfghHAGRGSRJBHKRGBJ

Oops sorry

So anyways I think Gin's mother told him if he could recover the body a funeral could be had and he could attend and he did it. And he just. He got so mad at himself because he couldn't make it to the city without actually fucking losing it, he went back to the city bloodied and hurt because he just picked a fight with the wrong people.

And his night terrors and sleepwalking and violent episodes just got so much worse afterwards too. He couldn't take himself and just decided, fuck it, using Hush (funny calm drug) before going to bed so he wouldn't fucking do that anymore. I mean it helped a little but yk. Can't fix things.

Even Caleb, his bestie of many many years, can't get through that dark icy shell, but he saw the transformation of Elliott over the years, he watched Elliott go from an angry and violent teenager to a calm and mellowed out man, a man who saved him from something much worse and saw everything and still called him a friend.

Like. Caleb has his work husbands but his real one is Elliott bro. Not even in a husband sense in a sense where he'd trust Elliott with his life above all others. He really wishes he could just help Elliott through this but he's just closed off.

And. And I think Elliott is making me feel really depressed and irritable because he's really depressed and irritable. He feels so deeply troubled and sad. He feels like the end of the world has come. He just. Can't do it. One person is going to complain to him or do something on this shift and he's just going to give up and do it himself he's so tired I'm so tired we're so tired all he wants is his friend back :(

[oz-the-sorcerer]

Create For Thra Day 6: "There are many paths laid before us, some good, most bad."

@createforthra

--

Here's a thing I have written months ago, which happens to be a perfect fit for today's topic!

Excuse my writing skills and enjoy!... Or cry.

🌟

Open Your Eyes

🌟

Kira tried to wipe away some of the blush from her freckled cheeks. She loved her reflection on the dressing mirror, but she thought her mom could do her make up a little bit less.

She heard her mom laugh.

"And here I was wondering how long would it take you to remove some of it."

"But it feels heavy, you know I like how I look."

"Yes honey, but this is a special occasion... Spare me this once?"

Kira rolled her eyes playfully as Brea braided her silver hair with beads. Kira's hair fell from her shoulders, she especially wanted side braids like her gorgeous mother, but had thin side braids instead of thick ones. She made them herself, then Brea offered help attaching the beads. Brea made two braids, connecting into one thick braid at the center.

"Looking good as ever." Came a silent voice. Kira turned to her aunt, whose body, spider body, was sitting on top of the counter. She couldn't help but blush, looking down.

"Don't move your head, sweetheart." Brea said, posing her head straight again.

"Sorry. I am just... Excited." She was terrifyingly aware of her heartbeat, tried to take a deep breath.

"I can sense your fear." Tavra walked with her thin legs and stopped between Kira and the mirror. "You have nothing to be afraid of."

"I can't help it." Kira explained. " I wish I could know what the future holds for me, like Mother Aughra. Maybe then I wouldn't be this vulnerable."

"You are not vulnerable." She felt her mother tug on her finished braid as a warning. She didn't like it when Kira dragged herself down this way. "Do you think I didn't feel afraid? I thought I was going to faint."

"Ah yes, glad that you only puked and didn't faint."

"Tavra!"

Kira started to laugh. Well, this story was new.

"You puked?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't want my daughter to know this ridiculous fact, thank you very much."

"She was so excited, so she ate whatever she could find from the kitchen and made herself sick." Tavra spoke mischievously.

"I had to keep myself busy!" Brea argued with her big sister. Kira loved their bickering. They were almost never serious with it, that's why Kira even started some of them on purpose.

While they were stating opinions on how to cope with these kinds of excitement, Kira looked at the mirror once more, and decided her fear was a good thing. She would always have her loved ones by her side, possibly talking nonsense like this and she realized, there was nothing to be afraid of. Her future, their future was filled with hope and laughter, she just knew it.

Another deep breath. And a big smile.

"Alright, all done here." Her mother said. For final touch, Tavra brought her golden coronet, which Brea placed on Kira's brow.

A knock on the door which made Kira's heart flip. Only Onica's wild red hair could be seen since she opened the door ajar while talking with someone outside the dressing room. Tavra's tiny body bounced with joy. When Onica came in, they also saw Tae outside, waving at them.

"We are all set. You can come out whenever you want." said the Far-Dreamer.

"Thra's Mighty Hooyim King, you look amazing, Kira!" Tae cheered.

Kira thanked her while she got up from her chair. Her white gown with gold and silver rands fell smoothly behind her. Embroidered with both Vapra and Spriton symbols, she was very proud of this dress she made herself.

One last glance at her reflection, one last deep breathe.

Brea reached to fix her bangs while Onica put out her hand for Tavra to climb on. Tavra wished her a good luck with: "Go get him!" while moving her legs exaggeratively, causing a big laughter in the room.

Then they got out, it was only her and her mother now. Brea's eyes were shining, her little fizzgig was now all grown up, taking another big step in her life.

"Mother, I will be okay."

"I know, baby."

"So, don't cry."

Brea abruptly wiped her tears on her long sleeve, trying not to smear her make up. Then she held Kira's hand and squuezed. Supposedly, they promised each other just this morning as a family that they weren't going to cry.

But all those hardships back in the trines, almost getting killed by a Garthim several times... Brea still couldn't believe it was all over. Skeksis no more.

Another knock on the door, and this time both of their eyes sparkled, as the legendary songteller stepped in to the dressing room with a blinding smile.

Kylan stopped in his tracks and stared at his daughter in awe. Kira laughed and went to hug him.

"Please don't start crying like mother did just now."

Kylan chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her and spinned once. Then he sent a playful smirk on Brea's way and said: "It seems you lost our bet, love."

Brea pretended to be angry with a pout, but when she glanced at her little family, she smiled until her cheeks hurt.

"I want a hug too!" she said as she took big steps towards her husband. Kylan opened one arm for her and immidiately in she was. Kira leaned on her father's shoulder, which always felt like home. After some minutes, Brea sniffled once more, and Kira reached and hugged her as well. This is nice, she thought. It had been a while since they could be like this because of the fussy preparations.

When they let go, Kylan placed both hands on her cheeks and kissed her forehead. Kira could see his eyes becoming misty with emotion as well. She smiled widely with the same eyes she has as her father.

Brea took his arm and started to lead him toward the door.

"Aww, I don't want to give her to Jen yet!"

Brea raised a laugh. "You are not giving her to anyone, honey. Let's give her a moment and take our places at the balcony."

Then she flashed Kira a proud look, and they were gone.

Kira felt aware of her heart again. She couldn't stop this fuzzy feeling inside her stomach and bounced around happily. Calm yourself before you sweat inside the dress, she thought to herself. She let go of the fists she made without noticing, and reached for the door.

Citadel's hallways were empty. As she passed each one, she heard the Gelf folk outside, crowded and excited, just like her. The noise grew louder and louder, then she made a left turn, reaching the last corridor before the Citadel's balcony.

She already could see her parents, on the left side. Brea was already looking at her direction and when she saw Kira coming, she gently elbowed Kylan's arm, causing him to look at her too. And the smile he gave her was everything. Before she teared up, she took a right glance, and saw Rian and Deet, also waiting for her to arrive.

With all the rustling her parents caused, Jen turned around where he was standing at the center and their eyes met.

The flutter inside her chest made her think that she was really about to let go of the lunch she had at noon.

Even if he tried to, Jen couldn't stop looking at her until she was at his side. He awkwardly reached his hand out for her. She took it eagerly.

They both stood straight before her Aunt Seladon, who was going to perform their marriage ceremony. She smiled down at them lovingly, which, Kira didn't experience often much before.

Kira glanced down at all the Gelfling who attended their wedding. Besides the whole citizens of Ha'rar, she could see many faces from every clan. Well, if there is any left, at this point.

Her Uncle Gurjin and Auntie Naia were cheering loudly, as well as her Uncle Amri. As her closest family friends, they had every right to scream.

She couldn't even begin to count everyone she knew when her eyes locked with a figure, at the very back of the crowd. Her eyes widened as the old creature's crane's shard shined with light.

"Mother Aughra..." she let out before she could manage. Jen smiled knowingly.

"I also thought she wouldn't be here today."

Kira, not being sure if Aughra could see it, bowed her head slowly at her direction. Jen followed right after her, thanking Mother Thra for everything she's done for the Gelfling.

When they finally started the ceremony, Aughra snickered loudly.

"These kids..." she said to herself. She ignored the looks of some Gelfling who heard her loud and sudden snicker, and glanced at the endless sky.

"You spoil these children, old friend." She talked to Thra, jokingly mentioning the great weather today. Her tired eyes scanned her every children, happy and bonded with the song of Thra.

They deserved this, she thought.

Their future is brighter than the stars above, she thought.

Then she closed her eyes, listening to her children's voices.

She didn't want to open them. She truly didn't. However, she had no other choice. She counted every star she visited while she was sleeping, just to kill time. But, they also came to an end.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a Gelfling. Laying and unmoving, already returned to Thra. After every slow step she took, she saw another. And another.

She recognized one, two, three... Maybe all. Or maybe she didn't. She didn't know.

She wondered, why Thra showed her this vision now. Which didn't mean anything. She huffed, then coughed, trying to silence her pain.

She knew where she was. In which reality, in which possible future she was in. She had this reality as a vision trines ago, and there they were. Her children, poor children...

And she knew what she was supposed to do. Her feet took her to the right direction as if moving without her consent. But that was she. That was Thra. Already decided fate. Too late to return.

One tear dropped from her eye to the bloody soil as she stood beside the corpse of a certain songteller, his eyes are half open as he clutched into his magical firca, like a last hope.

She leaned down and grabbed it. With delicate care, she fully closed his eyes, careful of her crooked nail.

Without looking back, she made her way toward the already decided route again. She wished all of her children, for them to return to Thra safely, as that was all she could do.

Grunting while she walked, scolding Thra for showing her a vision this heartbreaking, for making her cry, off to the UrRu valley she went. With the firca around her neck.

[orange-waterfalls]

All Your Fault

Yancy x gender neutral!reader, Illinois x gender neutral!reader

@glitchbitch69 ty for the prompt!

A/N: aight look, im not good with angst. I did my best??? Rated T for cursing and like 1 single mention of blood. It's sad boy hours out here. Mostly Yancy x reader, a bit Illinois x reader if you squint. I bet you could probably say Yancy x Illinois, too. Fluffy at the end.

Word Count: 2.2k

--

Yancy sits near the lantern, glaring at the adventurer sitting across from him. The adventurer in question was looking at the side of the tent, watching for any shadows.

Zombies are attracted to light after all.

Or is it sound… and moths are attracted to light…

I'm getting off topic. Let's continue.

Yancy clenches his fists when he thinks back to you…

You…

He loved you…

Your skin, your smile, your handsome and/or beautiful face…

And now you were gone. You disappeared.

No… you were taken from him.

And it was all this bastards fault.

Illinois. Yancy hated Illinois. But you made him promise to stay with him. Safety in numbers. It took everything he had not to deck the guy every time he opened his mouth. He was so cocky and arrogant for absolutely no reason! He was so annoying! He hated him… he missed you… he missed you a lot…

Illinois, on the other hand, was fond of Yancy. He found him endearing. And if you liked him, he couldn't be that bad. The kid did kill his parents, but he didn't know the whole story. He couldn't judge. He was happy when Yancy decided to stay with him. He had something to remember you by… he liked Yancy and he loved you. And he missed you.

But he'd never let that show. He'd keep his feelings to himself. He'd act just like he always did. Cocky, flirty, and adventurous. He had to. For Yancy. For you.

He missed you a lot.

Illinois turns back to Yancy, who's glaring daggers into his soul. He smirks at the man.

"C'mon, bud, I know I'm handsome, but there's no need to stare," he teases. Yancy narrows his eyes even more.

"Fuck youse," Yancy growls.

"Language, pal, language," Illinois chuckles. If Yancy glared any harder his eyes would pop out of his sockets. Illinois crossed his legs. "There ain't any out there now. I think it's safe to go to sleep." Yancy, still a bit pissy, nodded and layed down on a jacket. Your jacket. The jacket you lost when you died. He loved the jacket… it smelled like you…

Illinois was a bit jealous that you had given Yancy your jacket, but he understood. Yancy was nicer. You were closer to him. You both let yourselves be vulnerable around each other.

Unlike Illinois, who was too proud and masculine for his own good.

He waited until Yancy was sleeping before lying down himself. You made him promise to keep Yancy safe. He intended on keeping it. Only when he was absolutely sure Yancy was asleep, he laid down. He covered his face with his hat and closed his eyes.

--

Illinois wakes up and puts his hat back on his head. He yawns and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He could feel how empty his stomach was.

"Alright, bud, I'm gonna go out and-" Illinois looked over, only to find there was no one there. His eyes widened. He left the tent and looked around frantically.

"Yancy? Yancy?!" He called. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no! He had promised. He was supposed to keep Yancy safe! What's he gonna do? He looked over and saw a dense forest with sneaker tracks in the dirt. He took a deep breath and headed in.

He ran through the woods, gun in hand, hoping and wishing and praying to find the prisoner. Why the hell did he run here? Did he see a zombie and panic? Did he see a zombie and not warn Illinois? That's rude…

He searches for 15 minutes without finding anything. He tries his best to go in a straight line, but he falls down a hill, not exactly knowing where he came from when he gets to the bottom. He groans and staggers to his feet. He holds his head, but pulls his hand away as he feels blood.

"Ain't that just peachy," he grumbles. He takes bandages he found at a hospital and wraps them around his head. He walks forward, hoping to find a trace of Yancy. He finds something even better. He finds Yancy, sitting on the grass, barely moving. Illinois sighs in relief. "Jesus, man, y'almost gave me a heart attack…" Yancy doesn't move. Illinois frowns and slowly walks towards him. "Kid…?" He reaches out.

"I saw them," Yancy says, barely above a whisper.

"Saw… who?" Illinois asks, hoping he isn't going crazy.

"Y/N… I saw them… they was right there… I went after them but they was gone…"

"Yancy…"

"Don't you fuckin' "Yancy" me, asshole!" Yancy suddenly screams. Illinois steps back, surprised.

"Y/N's gone Yancy," Illinois calmly explains. Yancy clenches his fists so hard he draws blood. His face is fixed in a hateful glare, and tears begin streaming down his face.

"I know they're fuckin gone! I've known that for the past 3 months! I know that they're gone, and I know that it's all because of you!" He screams, sobbing between sentences. "Y/N's gone and it's all your fault!" Illinois frowns, not knowing how to respond to that accusation. It wasn't his fault… was it? You decided to distract them… that was your decision… it wasn't his fault… it wasn't. Illinois inhales deeply.

"I'm going to go look for some food. I expect you to be back at camp by the time I get back." Yancy scoffs and turns away from him. "I'll give you some time to cool down." Illinois turns back towards where he came. He paused for a moment, wondering if he should comfort Yancy. He decided against it.

He'd only make it worse.

--

Illinois is out for a bit longer than he expected. He had a run in with a really weird military guy… what was his name? Ted? Not like it matters. He's dead. Illinois did manage to find a couple cans of soup, beans, and vegetables in an abandoned camp. He wondered what happened to them…

He decides not to think about it too much.

He makes his way back to camp, hoping Yancy listened to him this one time. He was happily surprised to find Yancy sitting next to a fire, holding two birds. He looks up at Illinois for a moment before looking away. Illinois raises a brow.

"I, uh… I thought I'd surprise you with lunch… but… I don't know how to cook a bird…" he explains awkwardly. Illinois smiles.

"That's alright. It's difficult. Here, we'll cook these and save them for dinner. We should pack up and keep moving." Yancy nods as Illinois begins to show what he's supposed to do.

After they finish cooking the birds and eating two cans of beans, they pack up. They decided it'd be better to keep moving and look for better shelter than to sit around doing nothing. By the time dinner rolled around, they'd found a nice, small, abandoned house. They both agreed it was best to stay there instead of in the tent for another night. There were two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen. It was cozy. They liked it. They manage to get the stove to work using a lighter, and they make soup to eat with their bird meat. They sit in silence eating their dinner, both feeling very awkward. Yancy sets his bowl down after he finishes and sighs.

"Uh… hey, Illinois?" He asks. Illinois looks up. "I'm, uh… I'm… sorry about earlier…" Illinois smiles sadly.

"It's fine, kid."

"No, it's not… I had no right to say that to youse, I was feeling sad and I needed someone to blame, so I took it out on youse… I'm sorry," Yancy explains. Illinois blinks at his sudden maturity and smiles.

"Alright, I forgive you," they both sit, smiling at each other, sharing a moment of mutual understanding. Until…

"I would hate to see your cute little face upset," Illinois winks. Yancy squints at him.

"Youse is a douchebag," he grabs his bowl and takes it back to the kitchen.

Both men sleep in the bedrooms, feeling a bit more closure. They knew that it wasn't either of their faults. They could get along better now. They'd be alright.

--

Yancy wakes up to something small hitting his arm. He brushes it off as a bug, even when he feels it three different times in the exact same place. Then, he feels something much larger hit him in the face.

"OW, what the fuck?!" He yells. He looks down to see a fairly thick book on the floor. He looks out the window, wondering who just threw it. Instead of seeing a human, he sees zombies at the front, trying to break through the door and windows. Yancy yelps and runs across the hall to where Illinois is sleeping. He shakes the adventurer harshly, calling his name to get him up. Illinois groans.

"What? What is it?" He whines. Yancy grabs him up and pulls him to the window, where even more zombies are trying to break in through the back door. Illinois yells out and scrambles to grab his stuff. They gather all their clothes, equipment and food, and run out a window on the side of the house. Illinois vaults out effortlessly. Yancy, on the other hand, does not know how to vault. He knocks a lot of things over and makes a lot of noise as he leaves. The zombies notice this and start to chase after them. Illinois grabs Yancy and starts running. Where to, he had no idea. Just away from there. They run and run and run until the end up in a forest. They run until they get to an open space, catching their breath.

"God…" Yancy pants, "I didn't know zombies were so fast…"

"Me either…" Illinois pants, "but we need to keep going." They try going forward, but are blocked by a wall of zombies. The same thing happens with the other three directions. They stand in the circle of zombies, looking back and forth, trying to find a way out. There was none.

"What do we do? What do we do?!" Yancy panics. Illinois stands, shaking, not knowing. He can't save him. He can't protect Yancy. He failed.

"I'm sorry, Y/N… I'm so sorry…" he whispers. Yancy hears it and covers his face with his hands. They both sit, holding and hugging each other, waiting for what's to come.

Suddenly, they hear quick footsteps and the zombies all stop. Keeping their eyes closed, they hear a series of grunts and moans and groans. Then they hear the zombies leave.

Wait… the zombies are leaving?

They open their eyes to see all the zombies just… gone. Except for one. Right in front of them. Illinois stands up, pulling Yancy with him. He hides the man behind his back and brandishes his gun, ready to shoot. But the zombie steps back, holding its hands up. Since when do zombies surrender? He sees something shine in his eye and looks to see what it is. He sees a necklace.

A golden necklace.

A necklace he gave to you on your second adventure together…

Wait…

He looks up at the zombie's face. Your face was a bit gray, but it was you.

It was you!

"Y/N?" He asks in disbelief. You look up at him and smile, nodding happily. Illinois drops his gun and runs over, hugging you. Yancy stands for a moment not knowing what to do.

"No… no way…" he starts. Illinois turns, expecting him to be angry or confused. He's just the opposite. He's smiling from ear to ear. "NO FUCKING WAY!" He yells and runs into your arms. He starts to sob.

"But… but you…" Illinois starts. You shrug and show him your bite. Yancy pulls away.

"But how are youse… y'know… thinkin'?" He asks. You think for a moment, knitting your eyebrows together, before shrugging. Yancy laughs. "Of course ya don't know, ya dumbass," you gently punch his shoulder.

"How'd you find us?" Illinois asks. You scratch the back of your neck. You try to talk, but no words form.

Is that just… a thing? With zombies?

Hm. Guess so. Anyways.

You get on your knees, grab a stick, and write something in the mud. "I've followed you for the past two months. I know what you smell like."

"You know what we smell like? Aw…" Illinois teases. You glare at him playfully. It was nice to know he hadn't changed. Yancy, on the other hand, looked 3 minutes away from a full-on emotional breakdown.

"2 months? 2 months youse was right there? 2 months we coulda been together?" He asks, tears visible in his eyes. You frown, feeling guilty. You take Yancy into your arms and just hold him. He starts to cry. Which turns into sobbing. Illinois stands, looking at you two. He smiles. You were back! Thank God. He didn't think he could handle Yancy. After a minute he sighs.

"Alright, you two. Let's head out," he says. You nod and lift Yancy off of his knees. He wipes at his eyes and sniffles for a moment before walking, refusing to let go of your hand. Illinois follows close behind. You were back… you were still here, but now, you're with them. He almost couldn't believe it. He laughs to himself.

Yep. They'd be alright.

I'm supposed to be studying lol

[leelee10898]

Mittens

Here is my submission for the choices 12 days of fictmas!! Hosted by ME lol. I initially had something else prepared, however this kind of popped in my head and wouldn't go away. I picked the song Mittens by Carly Rae Jensen. This isn't a popular song at all, most people probably have never heard of it... but I love it.

Im going to apologize now, read more is not working for mobile for me.. and my laptop is mia.. i have tagged the post long post.

Ellie sloshed through the wet snow covered sidewalk, the air crisp and bitter. She pulled her scarf tighter around her face,  trying to keep the sting of the wind at bay. It was only a two block walk home from the diner she worked at night, but the frigid temperatures were a bitch. She stuffed her hands back in her coat, trying to keep her hands from freezing solid. 

She rounded the corner, her building in sight. Finally  she let out a sigh of relief. It was Christmas eve, and the diner had been busy all day. As she climbed the stairs to her 3rd floor loft she could hear the sounds of Christmas music blaring from the down stairs neighbors, followed by the loud laughter that filled the halls. It would be a long night, that she was sure of. 

Ellie loved Christmas time, usually. It was her mother's favorite holiday,  her most cherished memories Were those of her parents Decorating the tree, Laughing and singing Christmas Carols, while drinking hot chocolate and spending time together….  just the three of them. This year however was different for her all together, she was alone, completely and totally alone. 

It had been five months since she last seen Colt. Five months since she had been home, And 3 months since the falling out with her dad. Riya and Darius were still together,  and at the same school about 2 hours away from Langston. She loved when they would visit, but she would be lying if their constant PDA made her heart twinge. She missed Colt so much. The last thing he told her was he knew she would be great, If he could only see her now. 

She turned the key, pushing her shoulder into it with a gentle nudge to open, flicked the lights on  and tossed the keys on to the table next to the door. She had been in her dorm for two months before something had to give, she hated her roommate. The last straw was when she locked her out the entire night while she had some random guy in the room, who stole her pillows and blankets along with her bras. What kind of weirdo does that?

After a long hot shower, She changed into a t-shirt and a pair of fuzzy Christmas pjs pants. She tied her hair back and began to string lights on the little tree she picked up on the roadside stand by the diner. The loud echoing of the party going on below her becoming overwhelming, something to drown out the noise . 

"Alexa. Play my christmas playlist."

Home tonight

Rest my headIn my single childhood bed

Close my eyes

Count to three

Wish that you were here with me

She hummed along with the tune playing as she adorned the tree with the miscellaneous Ornaments she picked up at the thrift shop in town. She still attended classes, just enough to keep her scholarship in tact. Because there were no other dorms available, the school helped with some housing costs. she found  a small loft outside of campus, Saving her tips and using her savings she was able to furnish and decorate her little space. It wasn't much but it was hers, and she was proud of it.  

Still, the nights were lonely. She often thought about Colt, where he was, what he was doing. Did he think of her at all? 

Last year when my hands were cold

You were always there to hold

So give me your warmest pair

Your strongest pair of mittens

Please

Something to get me through

The loneliness of Christmas eve

Ifell for you, like crazy

And I can't get thoughts of you, from me

The speaker blasted the music, she liked this song. Her fingers grazed  a little glass star in the box. It made her think of her dad, god she missed him so much. They had made some progress in recent weeks, but he took an assignment that required him to travel, he would have to miss Christmas.  

So give me your warmest pair

Your strongest pair of mittens

Please

She stood back giving the tree a look over, absentmindedly resting her hand on her stomach, the other on her hip. A smile played on her lips its really coming together.  But the smile quickly faded as she spotted the couple walking from the building, holding hands the woman cuddling into her boyfriend's side.  

By my table I survive

Fix the makeup from my eyes

Fake a smile so they will see

Wish that you were here with me

Last year when my hands were cold

You were always there to hold

So give me your warmest pair

Your strongest pair of mittens

Please

She missed that…

***********

Colt climbed off his bike, a shiver rippling through him. He liked the warm, not the cold. He had been a rolling stone the past five months, going wherever his two wheel took him. He tried to keep his mind busy, planning job after job. The pay out was great, but something was missing. How could he become the king of L.A without his Queen? The problem was his Queen was far away being great.  The more time away from her, the more he realized he didn't need to be king of LA, he could be whatever she needed him to be. 

Looking up at the brick building a car drove past splashing a dirty,  wet, cold mixture of slush all over him. Great! Fuck you asshole! He shouted as he shook his hands.  Definitely not how he wanted his night to go. It was Christmas Eve, his father was gone, his mother vacationing on some tropical island with her new husband.  He was alone, completely alone. He let out a frustrated sigh as he made his way towards the building. He was nervous about this task, but the pay out was worth it. 

****************

Ellie sat on the couch, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket. The tv was on, but she wasn't paying it any mind. 

Shine your name

Through the snow storm, baby

You can break me

To the bone, ohI was wrong

You were wrong to make me

Feel like I was all alone,

She dabbed her eyes, the song hitting a little close to home.  Damn him for leaving her all alone, with no way to get in touch with him. He left her alone, when she needed him the most. 

Walking through my old home town

No one else but me around

Make an angel in the snow

Pray that I can let you go

*******

Colt stood in front of the door, he never felt nervous before a job, but this time the stakes were high and if he were being totally honest,  this wasn't exactly a job. He mustered up every ounce of courage he could as he lifted his hand to the door and gave it a quick rapp. His heart in his throat, he could hear the blood pounding in his ears. This was it, no turning back now. 

********

The party had started to die down, the commotion seeming to spill into the halls. She heard a knock at the door. God not another drunk idiot at the wrong apartment again. She grunted, rising from the couch and walking across the room. Slowly opening the door. 

fell for you, like crazy

And I can't get thoughts of you, from me

So give me your warmest pair

Your strongest pair

Your warmest pair

Ellie stood there stunned. She expected a drunk idiot, what she got was completely different.  She blinked repeatedly, a pair of deep brown eyes staring back at her. 

"Hi El." He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. 

"C, colt? Wha. What are you, how did you find. What are you doing here?" She stammered. 

 

"I um, I needed to see you. Can I. Maybe come in?" 

Ellie nodded,  stepping aside and letting him in. Closing the door behind her. 

"Ellie I. I.missed you. I'm sorry,  I Was an idiot. I shouldn't have let you go. I love you. "

"I'm pregnant." 

"You're.. Excuse me?" He stood there gobsmacked. 

"Five months. I don't expect anything from you. I can do this.." 

"Ellie.." 

"On my own. I can raise him alone. I just didn't know how to." 

"Ellie!" 

"Reach you. I just-" 

She was cut off by his lips meeting hers. His hands dropping from her cheeks, resting on her hips.  She threw her arms around his neck, melting into the kiss. She had felt so alone, so sad, so lost, but not anymore. He was here, he was real and her Christmas wish came true. 

"Ellie, I know I haven't been around. I'm an asshole who thought you were better off. But I Was wrong, I missed you so so much.  I promise to be there for you." He dropped his hands to her stomach, her small bump sticking out. "and our baby. I promise to take care of you both,  to love you both more than I ever thought capable. And I promise to.never leave you again." 

Ellie met his misty eyed gaze, tears began to fall freely. "Forever?" 

"Forever, you are my forever Ellie." He smirked as she jumped into his arms, nearly knocking him over. He was there, and he was finally home and neither would be alone again. 

See, I fell for you like crazy

And and I can't get thoughts of you, from me

So give me your warmest pair

Your strongest pair of mittens

Please

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[cagenewman]

That's the kicker, isn't t? We grew up hearing our parents say 'well, back in my day…' which immediately made us roll our eyes, just to turn around and do the same things to our kids. Because I know Colton rolls his eyes every time I start a story out that way. It's kind of weird, what came back and what stayed gone, and it makes me feel older and younger all at the same time…but mostly older. A lot older. He could never hate you, but I think he would appreciate the subtle gesture of a side eye, yeah. I'm not too worried about him, he does have a good head on his shoulders, thankfully. I hope you know that you have no reason to be ashamed of the apartment you have right now, either. I get it, but you found a place for you and Rosalyn and despite the circumstances, you made it your home. And that's something to be really proud of. But if there are less things for me to come over and fix, I'm okay with that, too -- not that I ever mind. Me neither, and then you put it together and what? I know some people glue a backing to it, so I guess I understand that, but, I don't have the patience. It might be a good work out, though! Up until the point where you start resenting the sight of the sled and your arms hurt so bad that you want to cry. Or, you know, your arms get beefier than mine, and I turn super jealous. I can promise that I won't rip the dress, but that doesn't mean that I can't promise it won't come off by my hands, either, just remember that. That's sort of what I was thinking. Colton's spending the night at my cousin's house, anyway, so we'll have the house to ourselves. God, I like this Gala so much better already than the last one we were at. Although I guess that one didn't end too badly when we left… I'd just rather dance with you at the event, instead of in the road this time. I know that it will, I have faith in that. It'll be perfect and we'll just kind of know. Don't people put other things into pre-nups…? I really should know this, I feel like. But I am glad there's no blood involved in this situation. Yeah, I would -- that's like rule number one, never buy a kid a toy that makes noise when they're that young, they'll never put it down and thier parents will never sleep again. I hear you, Colton had the day off, holiday and all, and I… did not. I was ready to crash when I got home.

It really is a whole different world, I don't know that part of me would have thought that things would be so different by the time kids we're raising were going. Though maybe I should have, things were obviously different from when our parents went, but it just doesn't seem possible. Think there's still a denial that there's been so many years since the high school years but also seeing so many trends and fashions swinging back to the 90's and 2000's. Feel like standing near him menacingly just wouldn't be a good idea, I want him to trust me and you know -- not end up hating me! Maybe a quick little side eye as I'm walking by will suffice. Or you know, like you said, a good old text to his dad to handle any potential situation. Not that I'm expecting anything, like I've said, he's a good kid with a good head on his shoulder. You're not wrong, houses take planning, think that's why there's so much excitement in looking for an apartment. We all know mine isn't exactly a great one I'm in now and I look forward to actually decorating something I'm proud of, that I can invite people over to and not feel -- ashamed of. I love people who love to do puzzles but I would never have the patience they have to do the massive one, the ones that take months and months? I'd end up throwing it back in a box and debating paying someone else to put it together for me. Which kind of defeats the purpose. Sledding is the best idea, I really don't want her to need to be pulled around a sled at night to fall asleep... that would not make this mama very happy to do that every night! Works for me, because we definitely want to get there on time and enjoy the dancing and food, but there's no change I'm letting you rip this dress in any fashion. So don't go getting any ideas! Plus it will be a full surprise, if I'm getting ready at your place, you'll end up getting more sneak peeks. Yeah I can come over afterwards! Depending on how late we leave and how much we drink that's probably the safest bet anyway. Someday it'll happen, or that's what I'm choosing to believe, that someday the perfect house will be there when we're ready. It's not a pre-nup! Those are for money I just don't want the mini cow to go missing! Though I promise you do not need to sign it in blood, that will be more messy than anything and might terrify anyone else who finds such a thing and wonder what the hell we were into back then. I just tucked little miss into bed she's been dragging the unicorn everywhere, point won for Colton. Though she loves the little mini instruments Alec got here. I am half tempted to go bang the drums outside his window for that. Can't even pretend I'm not going to relax and do a little reading tonight, I've been feeling so tired all day long today.