#*not quite a crisis but idk another word for it

[styxnbonez]

CRISIS* AVERTED the meme i was on about says characters fictional OR REAL. odd to call real people characters but that aint the point

[eluxcastar]

can we get more dadtore fics plz?🤭🤭🤍🤍

Dadtore and his raccoon child

── ୨୧：il dottore & reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: dadtore gets his coat stolen and quite possibly has a mild existential crisis at the realisation he is a present and available father

୨୧﹑genre :: fluff

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, child reader, reader’s backstory is ambiguous, it's finally acknowledged they don't talk but feel free to ignore that, sorta proofread (omg finally I edited something)

୨୧﹑words :: 1.9k

I went to publish this and realised I lost all my dividers because I'm on a new laptop so I'm gonna have to go get those back 😭😭

anyway baby has officially graduated to raccoon status because each day this child grows more feral and will continue to do so 🫵 I'm surprised I even managed to write this cause I've been calling so many grown men babygirl lately Idk what even makes one say that about König from Call of Duty but I do

Whether against your will or the result of some strange form of Stockholm Syndrome, you have somehow come to love the days spent with him. It scares him more than he'd like, knowing that your life rests in his hands, even more so that that bothers him, yet he has been unable to remain especially angry with you.

No matter what you do, what buttons you push, and how much you've forced him to rearrange his lab to practically babyproof it, his desire to consider you a pest dies. It has rapidly died since he realised you clung to him so tightly when you became ill, even if it turned out to be only a low-grade fever that you were free from in a day or two. Something about it made the growing bond he had noticed and his fondness for you skyrocket, and it all happened right under his nose while he was distracted with making you comfortable and keeping you company.

Dottore never thought he'd have a doorframe close to one of the shelves in his lab marred by the marker-made scribbles of a height tracker specifically to tell him when it's time to cram everything up another shelve, yet it's there. He sees it whenever he swivels his chair in that direction or when the segments poke at it, mildly intrigued by his interest.

He can't trust some of them yet — not with you — the ones he does trust are almost entirely uninterested in you because that keeps you safe. His segments can't gain anything from a child who only annoys them by trying to hug their leg until they shove you away. From there, you can sense that they don't want to play from the glares you get that send you scurrying back to whatever corner has the reject dolls Sandrone gave him to mock him for his soft spot, so they don't care.

Despite wishing you were little more than a lingering annoyance he could palm off to the first available parental figure, you trust him so implicitly, and he's falling victim to your charms each time you stand behind him, peeking over his shoulder to spy on him like you're so sneaky, even when he can clearly see you looming out of the corner of his eye. You show interest and want to be around him, to loiter despite knowing you will receive only acknowledgement as he talks to you.

Returning to the lab reveals that you seem to have stolen his coat again — at least, that's what he gleans from its migration from the back of his chair to the floor — though he does not particularly mind even as you drag it back to your little set of chairs set up in the corner for you to play with.

Whatever tables did to you, Dottore has yet to figure out how it made you want to shove the little table you have over there so violently all the time. In your defence, it is usually in the way, and maybe it did something to deserve it that has you holding a grudge, but it's irrelevant as you position your little chairs and drape his coat over the backs of them to make a roof for your hideout.

A child's cubby.

At some point, he noticed you took to childish things like that, even when you didn't do that before, almost like you became more…childish. It's welcome. You warm up to the safety of his care and the joy of goading him into entertaining you.

He used to bar the younger segments from making those forts as they'd put them everywhere and neglected to return the items they grabbed to do so. You are not exactly better, though you tend to use appropriate materials. It is preferable to their habits of senselessly trying to stack things on top of each other and then getting confused as to why they would all fall down when a chasm to crawl inside of does not magically appear in the absence of intentional planning.

There's a reason he's Il Dottore and not Il Ingegnere.

The stealing does not change, however.

Dottore approaches your cubby, intent on investigating this fort you've crafted with the help of his coat. He realises you're humming when he gets closer, as you have been a lot lately. You make more noises now. Not quite words, but noises, and that's more than enough for now. He'd like to hold a proper conversation with you at some point, but you won't even say your own name, let alone keep up a whole verbal conversation that doesn't require a game of charades.

"Just what are you doing?" he asks, and the moment he does, you've grabbed the overcoat from where you had balanced it and run off giggling.

You narrowly escape him, settling off by his chair where you had first obtained the coat — a fickle cat-and-mouse game that will inevitably end one of two ways — you seem intent on keeping that coat, however. He watches as you burrow amidst the thick fabric of the overcoat you mischievously stole from him, the furs tickling your cheeks and warming you up as it sits bunched around your tiny body in a heap of cloth. It engulfs you as you are, but you always like it.

What bothers him so much is that if you were any other child pulling these stunts and creating trouble, Dottore would have found some way to get rid of you by now — he could've given you to the Knave. He can't. He's tried. He tried so hard, even attempting to justify it with his own fondness by convincing himself it would be for your own good. He even talked to her about it at one point, and she almost stole you, thinking the worst, before she realised how spoiled you were by Dottore's standards.

Selfishly, he couldn't do it. He couldn't bear it, even when he told himself Arlecchino would take better care of you than he could ever.

So you're still here, still interrupting his vital work to play a mockery of hide-and-seek where you manage to be the worst yet most endearing hider he could possibly seek, burrowing yourself out of sight beneath his coat as your head disappears and you lay flat on your stomach. A pest. That's what you should be. He stalks toward you like you are a tiny pest hunted by an eager cat waiting to catch you, but stops just before you.

It is nowhere near Dottore's nature to loudly question what this stray pile of laundry is doing lying around, nor can he bring himself to try baby-talking you in that singsong voice people use for children, so he kneels in front of you instead, lowered to your eye level. You wouldn't particularly appreciate it if he did pick up that ear-grating habit anyway.

The overcoat writhes as if a creature stirs beneath it, and you poke your head out to greet him with a slowly forming cheeky grin that devolves into giggles as you realise you are caught. You duck back into the safety of his coat, burrowing amidst its comfort and returning to hiding.

He cannot possibly keep the amused huff he lets out from escaping at the sound of your giggling before shaking his head. "Are you going to come out?" he asks. Of course not. You are going to squirm under there until he pulls you out. "Insufferable little thing," he mutters half-heartedly. He's unable to find the will to be truly angry with you, though he never really was in the first place, merely relenting at your silence.

Dottore rests his other knee on the ground and steals his coat from your little hands. With it, you shortly follow as you are collected in his arms and perched on his lap as he sits back in his chair, leaving you poorly balanced yet able to shift yourself into a comfortable spot where you won't fall. Dottore wraps his coat snugly around you, just as you had done before, and lets you settle into place.

You're so small, pacified by his arms around you to reluctantly grant you the hug he knows you want. You like those. He realised that when all you wanted in your sickness-fuelled stupor was for him to cradle you in his arms and let you lean against him. Something about it makes you look so vulnerable. You need someone who can care for and protect you despite your ability to care for yourself; he is the woefully imperfect choice who should not want to take on that task but who may be uniquely suited to it because of that.

'Damaged' children who have had to adapt to the shortcomings of others do not benefit solely from perfection but can become suffocated by it. They need something that suits their unusual need for guidance without expectation of normalcy. He's living it now as his inexperience with this idea of a family forces him to confront imperfection — dismal humanity.

You will never be like a child raised in a perfect family, nor can you offer him complete dependence and vulnerability; he doesn't mind that. In exchange, he will never be your perfect father figure. He will cradle you with his imperfection and wish that this feeling makes you happy if nothing else.

You offer what you want, and he takes what is given because he wants it. Badly, he wants it, even if he is unwilling to admit the possibility of that being real.

He wants to stay like this, to keep picking you up, even when lifting your weight and gathering you in his arms grows harder each time. He wants to watch you nestle against him, mark your height on the doorframe every month, take care of you when you're sick, worry about someone other than himself, and make room for you in a place where there should be none. He wants to give you what you were almost robbed of, see you make friends and smile each day.

For now, he must start small, no more than sitting in front of what probably looks like jumbled garbage to you and resting his hand on the back of your head to pull you closer in a rare show of affection. Gentle. He is entirely unused to the idea of being gentle and protective of something that lives and breathes.

Dottore hates the very idea of your existence meaning something to him — a visceral reaction to the unfamiliar — but cannot resist the vulnerability of it all, the thought of loving someone who loves him back in a way he has yet to fathom, though he is not so presumptuous as to mindlessly believe you love him, even now. You would not be asked to point to your father and turn to him, but you don't have to. Something in that thought is exciting, a desperate grasp at unconditional love from something he cares for, even against his will, but this middle ground somewhere between babysitter and father is as comfortable as anything he wants will get.

[rinnsverse]

I have an idea feel free to write it or not (childe x fem reader)

Playing truth or dare and someone dared y/n to kiss Childe (they did that bc they knew he was in love with her) she got a little angry and shy about it but she approached him pulling him by his collar to kiss him and everyone in the room start to scream and laugh and Ayato is recording what happened for later use

A DARE.mp4 — childe

TROPES: fluff, crack

PAIRING(S): childe x fem!reader

UNIVERSE: modern

WARNING: someone gets called an orphan at the end, swearing

A/N: I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted! I did my best to write it in a sense where I could include all your details but if you do plan on requesting some more please be more specific so I can do your request justice

THE AUDIO IS quite distorted at first but then clears out to the point where you can hear distinct voices yelling at one another as well as faint sounds of laughter in the background.

As Ayato shuffles with his phone, he quickly sets his phone up, leaning on the wall in order to properly catch what was occurring. After seeing it balance on the wall he turns back to the problem at hand.

“I REFUSE to kiss this ginger! I have standards!” Y/N declares.

From the camera’s recording, on the left was Ayato’s back and on the right was Yoimiya holding back laughter at her friends despair which so happened to be displayed to the camera between the gap of the two.

“C’mon Y/N~ it’s a dare! Besides Childe won’t mind, right Childe?” Ayato teased, looking towards the man next to the girl having a crisis on whether or not to listen to the dare.

“I’m not confirming nor denying that information,” he chuckled.

“What do you MEAN you’re not going to confirm nor deny that information?!” Y/N exclaimed, grabbing Childe by his collar to look at her in the eyes and shaking him back and forth.

“He means he wouldn’t mind making out with you,” Yoimiya whisper yelled through her hands in the direction of the two with a giggle.

Y/N then turns to the blond in shock, “Hold on! Making out and kissing are two different things! I’m not making out with this,” she turns to Childe and pauses, “Twink.”

“Twink?! Excuse you?!” he yelled horrified, face turning pink not only because of the close proximity between his crush and him, but because of the whirlwind of emotions he felt when being called a twink - causing Yoimiya to fall over with laughter while taking photos of the current scene revealing a stunned Ayaka and Thoma next to Y/N.

“You’re excused bitch!” Y/N turned back to face Childe, creating and intense stare-off between the two.

“Y’know, I don’t think Y/N doesn’t need to kiss Childe if she doesn’t want to; we can all just get a free pass,” Ayaka begins, immediately getting cut off by a loud string of gasps and yells as she looks towards her right she covers her mouth in shock trying to prevent any noise from escaping.

The kiss was gentle yet exhilarating - with watchful eyes around them, their loud cheering just became faint background noise in the distance.

Y/N’s eyes with squeezed shut, but soon relaxed as she slipped her hand into his.

Childe’s breath was swept away and gone in an instant. He had been so sure she would’ve followed through with Ayaka’s words but as it turned out she planned to go against her words the moment she spoke them. Well, not like he was complaining any ways.

Ayato hurriedly snatches his phone back up into his hands and points the camera towards the now kissing friends.

Moving 180°, Ayato pans the already landscape view so the whole room and all the participants is now in the frame - him included - pointing to the two opposite of him saying, “That was me. I’m the one who gave her that dare. You’re welcome.”

Immediately pulling away from Childe, Y/N turns her attention towards the blue haired man and yells, “Are you fucking filming us right now?! Give that shit to me right now you little fucking orphan-“

A/N: I’m including this into my 200 follower event since idk if n e one will request but if anyone else would like to, feel free! also I swear I write things much longer than this I jus didn’t know where else to go with this I’m sorry 😭

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Anon because reasons. I've been a transman for over ten years. I never thought I would reach out to a TERF but I'm seeing things in my community that scare me and I literally don't know what to do. The transwomen I follow suddenly started reblogging and making posts about protecting transwomen from rape/pedo allegations but I'm conflicted because I was raped by my uncles when I was little. I feel like I'm going crazy idk why I'm asking you I just feel so dysregulated and distressed. Please don't hurt me or expose me, idk what they would do if they realized I was talking to terfs.

I have no wish or intent to hurt or expose you, so have no fear of that. To be upfront: I am a feminist. I do see sexual assault primarily as a hate crime men commit against women and girls (rape). Women and girls being female humans and men being male ones. But you already knew that. For the purposes of this response, however, I will use gender neutral language where possible.

Honestly, ten years ago I had no idea I'd be where I'm at now. I was considering identifying as agender and was only just starting to become uncomfortable with trans activists. The biggest reason was, even back then, protecting predatory behaviour. Unfortunately, as the years have gone by it's only gotten worse. Maybe it's not something you've come across until now, so I imagine this must be a shock, or maybe the people around you doing it used a lot of weasel words and it hasn't become apparent until now.

Either way it's a terrible thing to realize the people you consider your community just don't think sexual assault is that big a deal, especially when they've said it is, but their actions are showing otherwise.

It's a betrayal to those of us who have been sexually assaulted and don't want that to happen to anyone else ever again. Especially if the person who sexually assaulted you was someone you trusted. What your uncle did to you was already a horrific betrayal. To know someone you respect would say he should be protected from your allegations if x reason (in this case if he identified as trans, but this can happen in other ways; someone I greatly respected called Julian Assange a friend after he raped two women; that sucked and I stopped keeping up with him after that) is a betrayal on top of that.

I was molested by my stepfather and some fucked up shit happened when my biological father showed me off to his friends when I was a toddler. I know that pain well. "Valid" is a word that's certainly been over-used and misused, but right now I'm going to use in the way it was used at the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre I attended: your feelings on this are valid.

Sexual assault is one of the worst things a person can do to someone. Saying that people who do those things should be protected for any reason, that alleged victims should be doubted, that alleged perpetrators should be given the benefit of the doubt is fucked up. You are not in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable and worse about it. That just shows you have your humanity.

Now, I'm not going to tell you what else you should think, but what I will say is: I'm not afraid of the women here knowing I talk to men. Or trans people for that matter. Even if I was reaching out to vent. At most they might question why I chose a man and not a woman, but ultimately it just wouldn't be an issue. It's not that there are no assholes here--there are quite a few--but most of them are easily ignored and those that aren't typically get pushback for being assholes and eventually end up leaving or ostracized.

Do you think that it's healthy, as a literal trans-identified person yourself, for people in a community to be so afraid of one another that they can't let anyone know if they talk to certain people? Now, I'm sure it's not as simple as just dropping people who act this way. I've known people with shitty friend groups. It's hard. It's hard when all of your peers seem to support certain behaviour. I get it. I am in no way expecting that you're suddenly going to drop your community.

But I'm not talking to them. I'm talking to you, the person who reached out to me. From one survivor of familial sexual assault to another: you don't deserve to be treated this way. You don't deserve to have your pain trivialized, even indirectly, for a cause. So even if you can't talk to any of your peers about it (and maybe you can! maybe there are people you know who feel the exact same way), I want you to know in your heart that this is wrong and you're right to feel that it's wrong.

And when you're ready, whatever that looks like, I hope you can get out of this and find a community where you would never be punished for raising concerns about something like this. You would be upheld and loudly supported because that shit just wouldn't fly.

Take care of yourself, anon. I hope you have a good day/evening. I hope your uncle rots and I hope the transwoman you're following becomes a better person. Or falls down a well. Whichever comes first.

[stereopticons]

An Addendum to Mournful Monday

So I’ve been reading everyone’s posts about their writing struggles and I found myself wanting to say two things: first, nothing you write is ever a waste, and second, your writing matters.

Sometimes you write things that you end up cutting or that don’t fit anywhere. Sometimes you write things that don’t get shared or published. But it’s not a waste. You still wrote! Writing is a skill, and like everything else, the more you do it, the better you’ll be at it. Sometimes, just flexing those muscles is enough. Sometimes it will even help shake loose the words you were hoping to write. I was struggling with getting the words to come out one time and the ever-wise @blackandwhiteandrose gave me a handful of random words and told me write 100 words using some or all of them. I wrote a 400-word ficlet that I’ve never published (maybe I will do that later, idk) but it made it easier to write the fic I was actually trying to work on.

When I was writing my dissertation, I had to cut huge sections because I ended up taking a piece out of the study that changed the background a lot. My advisor recommended that I never delete anything I write because you never know when you’ll need it again. So I created a file called trash (he objected to this title but i ignored him lol) and put everything I deleted in there. I’ve been done with my dissertation for a while but I have gone back to that trash file to use things I previously deleted. I also have a trash file for fic, for those sentences and paragraphs I love but can’t quite make them fit. It’s not a waste. It’s writing.

I think many of us are working with some degree of imposter syndrome. I would venture to say that probably the majority of people you think write the “best” (whatever that means to you!) have at one time or another, looked at something they wrote and said, “man, that is garbage. What is even the point”. For me, it happens at least once per fic. I call it my fic midlife crisis because it usually happens midway through writing. I start to doubt everything. The prose is clunky, the dialogue is out of character, the whole premise is flawed and doesn’t make sense. I usually message my friends and say, “can someone read this and tell me if it’s stupid” and they will usually read it and say something along the lines of “you’re overthinking this again, it’s great” and offer suggestions on where to go.

There are multiple posts floating around tumblr about how you can never see your art the way someone else sees it because you made it. My prose is always going to sound trite and overused to me because I wrote it and I’ve read it a thousand times. That doesn’t mean it’s bad or doesn’t have value. It just means I’ll never be able to experience it for the first time. But despite all of this, I guarantee that your fic has impacted someone somewhere. Maybe it made them laugh when they were having a bad day. Maybe you wrote a line that made them cry at their desk. Maybe you wrote something really hot that helped them discover something about themselves. It all matters.

[fairytale-poll]

ROUND 2! MATCH 4 OUT OF 8

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Cerise:

She’s the child of the red riding hood and the big bad wolf. Don’t question it to okay. Also she was the first character I thought of when I saw this!

She’s the daughter of red riding hood and the big bad wolf! She’s a werewolf!

Love her design very much. She gets a lot of great outfits. Also, another version of Red Riding Hood that incorporates both the girl and the wolf together.

1: ever after high was iconic and amazing and so well written and i'm really bitter that it was cancelled so i think cerise deserves this win (i do too) 2: her design is really good. like no one else could EVER if you ask me 3: wolf girl. do i NEED to say more. ...honestly, my brain cannot bring out any more words so fingers crossed someone else submits her and she gets some ACTUAL GOOD propaganda (sorry cerise forgive me)

She’s a badass red riding hood with a secret (her dad is the big bad wolf)

She's the daughter of Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, so she has wolf ears and is really strong. She's supposed to be the next Red Riding Hood so she should count.

She's the daughter of Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf making her a daughter of forbidden love and thus a double representation of Little Red Riding Hood's age-old story of maturity and adolescence.

She's really cool! She was born from a forbidden romance between the wolf (don't worry he turns into a human lmao) and Little Red Riding Hood and has to hide her heritage from other people which I think is really interesting. Also her hood is really pretty.

She's the daughter of red riding hood and is meant to take over that role when it's her time

she slays so hard!! while technically shes not THE little red riding hood, she is her daughter and the FUTURE little red riding hood. shes also half wolf, which is really cool!! and yea. she slays.

idk she’s just cool & definitely gay

She’s meant to be the next Red Riding Hood but her whole bit is that not only is her mom Red Riding Hood, her father is the Big Bad Wolf and she needs to keep it a secret. The best of both worlds. The tween girls went crazy for the wolf thing. Had a pretty doll and cool outfits. Has an older sister who’s meant to be the next Big Bad Wolf (Ramona Badwolf) who she comes into conflict with. Identity crisis! She was everything to eleven year old me

She’s half wolf, she has cool white streaks in her hair, she’s a jock with super speed and I like her a lot.

she turned me lesbian.

Fan favourite, my first lesbian crush on a character

She is a daughter of previous Little Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf, how cool is that

She’s a furry yeuwu

she’s the daughter of red riding hood and the big bad wolf. she’s a wolf girl. i love her

Scarlet:

Her big bad wolf is her mutant soldier boyfriend. She shot him once and honestly he was into it. Probably bi. Helped start a revolution.

Her wolf is actually. Um. A genetically modified soldier with wolf traits. At the beginning its not very obvious but by the end of the series yeah she's. She's a monsterfucker. Anyway that's not really relevant but I just think she's pretty cool (not because she's a monsterfucker)

She's a french farmgirl and a pilot who ends up in a plot to overthrow the queen of the moon. The big bad wolf is a genetically-altered soldier that she falls in love with. She's short-tempered, straightforward, and fiercely loyal.

"Grown up" Fairy Tales are a lot of fun. this one is also a cool mix of LRRH and BatB. She can totally take care of herself and her wolves are in for quite a story.

She’s a badass?

her family runs a restaurant and she’s friends with a furry

she's french. she's loud. she falls in love with the wolf (a guy named wolf who is genetically modified somehow). she sells tomatoes and gets in fights and just wants to find her grandmother. she is literally the little red riding hood character in a series of books retelling fairy tales in an alternate universe in space and I love her

she has a gun and she’s pretty cool. sorry she’s french if it helps it’s like 500 years in the future france. also she’s bisexual (TO ME!!! no straight woman thinks the things she thought about winter aka the character based on snow white)

[layla4567]

"Magic night"

Colin Zabel x Latina reader

Summary: It was your second date with Colin, you started dating for a few days but you still didn't know each other well enough. You are a foreigner, you came from far away to start a new life away from the problems of your native country. Colin invited you to a bar for a drink, a quiet evening, or not?

Warning: Slightly suggestive, alcoholism, a little angst ,mention of economic crisis, impoverishment of a country and coup, also spanish words but don't worry they will have their translation.

A/N: I want to clarify that I never saw this series (so sorry) but I wanted to write something with this character because he seems very soft, and yes, this is quite specific but I really wanted the protagonist to know Spanish idk why

..............................................................................................................................

Sitting in Colin's car seat, I was accommodating the folds of my skirt for the fourth time somewhat anxious, despite being the 2 date I always got a little nervous when I saw him, I just couldn't help but feel a tickle in the pit of my stomach. Apart from the dark blue jean skirt, I was wearing a light black fabric shirt and my hair was somewhat messy with a flower-shaped clip, I knew he liked it. Completing my outfit was wine red lipstick and I was wearing black wedge boots that hugged my entire calf almost to the knee.

The detective who was trying to pay attention to the road could not help noticing from his peripheral vision your hands move, smiling with a free hand he took yours in his

I was looking through the window absently when his soft touch made me turn my head in surprise, fist at his hand and then at his face.

"Is everything alright, darling?"- He smiled as he kept looking ahead.

He had just called me darling? Oh I think that's another thing I like about him to add to the list. Their cute nicknames.

"Yeah, no worries"

His hand was still caressing mine, his fingers tracing slow circles on the back of my hand and on my knuckles. His warmth was making me melt but I tried to keep my composure.

Every time I went out in a car I liked to look out the window and see the buildings or the landscape in general. The sun was going down and the clouds were dyed in orange and pink colors, it looked like a work of art. Focused on the sky, I had not realized that we were arriving at the bar. A neon sign illuminated the car and our faces, there were tables outside and inside.

Colin opened my door and held out a careful hand to help me out.

"You look very beautiful today"- He said innocently

I looked at him with wide and surprised eyes while a shy radiant smile appeared on my face. He couldn't even imagine what those words had done to me, or the hours I spent trying to find the perfect outfit. I tried not to show my flushed cheeks

"Do you really think so?"- I said as if trying to play it down and feigning confidence, although that phrase meant the world to me.

"Of course yes, I'm always honest"

Now Zabel offered me his arm cavalierly inviting me to put his hand in it to walk together towards the entrance

"Well now I'll be honest, that blue suit looks radiant on you"- I told him flirtatious

And it was true, he was wearing a matching teal blue suit, a plain white shirt, and a black tie that matched beautifully. I was so used to seeing him in his typical black coat and dark shirts that seeing him in other colors made everything about him stand out.

Colin chuckled sheepishly as we entered the bar. The walls inside were painted a blood red while the freshly varnished wooden floor shone like a mirror. The bar was full of bottles and cocktails that the bartender was masterfully preparing. There was also a live band playing, a bass player, a drummer and the lead singer. I loved live bands, well, I loved music in general. I remember that for my 15th birthday my mother had bought me a karaoke machine, she almost instantly regretted it, I wouldn't stop using it in my room at full volume.

We went to the bar and took a seat, the music was nice. The bartender asked us what we were going to drink. Colin had a margarita and I had a gin and tonic.

"Wow, you seem to like strong drinks"- he said

"Over time you get used to it"- I laughed

While the boy in the red bowtie was preparing the drinks as if he were a juggler in a circus, Colin and I began to chat.

"So tell me... what prompted you to move to this place?"

A shadow darkened my gaze and I suddenly became serious, I lowered my head a bit uncomfortable

The detective noticed this so he quickly said

"I'm sorry, I know it's a somewhat personal question, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to."- An expression of sorrow crossed his eyes.

"No it's ok I just-"

I wanted to continue but I felt the weight of a rock in my throat. Even so I took a breath and answered

"My country had just come out of a coup d'état, the whole world had been left poor, we hardly had to eat. I remember my mother crying, the screams of the military. It was horrible"

I closed my eyes so that the tears that were about to appear would not be seen. Colin sympathetic caressed my arm rubbing it from top to bottom which gave me the strength to continue.

"Thank God my family was not harmed. When I grew up I promised my family that one day I would raise enough money to help them financially, even if it meant moving to another country."

Zabel looked at me giving me all the attention in the world and his face showed an expression of anguish as if everything I've experienced had been experienced by him too.

"I'm so sorry about all that"

"Thank you Colin.."- I was able to genuinely smile until my eyes were slanted as if they were two parallel lines, it was comforting to know that someone was listening to me without judging me

The bartender had already finished the drinks and served them to us. We thank him with a smile

"However, now I'm here and I'm not doing so bad, and the best thing is that I'm talking to the most handsome detective in town"- I told him while taking the straw between my lips and winking

I liked to make him nervous

He looked down at his drink laughing as his cheeks flushed slightly. Bingo

"Well, enough about me, now I want to hear from you, you're working on a new case, right?"

"Yes, in fact, I'm trying to make progress on that"

And so he began to talk to me about the details of the case, his co-worker and everything. It seemed like an interesting but dangerous job at the same time, I looked at him carefully while he spoke calmly, I couldn't help but worry about him every time he talked about the injured people who were involved in detective work.

"You're a very brave man"

He looked at me surprised and confused.

"Why?"

"Well, with everything you told me, it seems like you fear for your life all the time."- I tried to sound funny but I was really worried.

"Well you are partly right, this profession is dangerous but don't worry, I know how to defend myself"- He said with a smile to reassure me and put his hand on mine

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We continued to drink our cocktails, mine was almost empty and it was getting to my head a bit because I could feel the heat of the alcohol in my blood, especially on my face.

Without warning and laughing at who knows that I asked Colin

"Do you want me to teach you words in Spanish?"

He laughed enchanted

"Okay, miss y/n, teach me"

"Do you know how to say party in Spanish?"- I said as I moved my straw in circles inside the glass

He shook his head, amused by my behavior.

"It's said: Fiesta, F-I-E-S-T-A"- I pronounced it slowly so that he can understand me and repeat it

Colin repeated the phrase with a cute American accent, it sounded adorable.

"And job it's trabajo"

The handsome detective tried to repeat the word but failed pathetically, then annoyed and getting closer I told him

"No, no no, not like that"- I gently grasp his jaw to force him to look at me.

"Look at my lips, tra-ba-jo"

He didn't expect that contact with my skin and even less when I told him to look at my lips, he immediately blushed and tried to repeat the word just to give me the satisfaction of listening to him and knowing that he learned the Spanish lesson like a good student. I felt like a preschool teacher

"Yaaay muy bien! oh that's another word haha"-I laughed nasally- "and means very good"

"It seems to me or are you a little drunk?"

I gasped

"Naah, it's your imagination"- I made a gesture with my hand like shooing a fly

Colin seemed entranced by my presence because he kept laughing in amusement.

I leaned my elbows on the bar and laughing like a schoolgirl I told him

"Guess what it means mi amor"

"I-I don't know"

"Oh c'mon. You really don't know?"

"I have no idea"

I framed my face with my hands while blinking flirtatiously.

"Means my love"- I smiled mischievously while biting my lower lip.

The brunette scratched his shirt collar heatedly with an awkward smile.

Suddenly your favorite song started being played by the band

"Ohh my god I love that song! You have to come dance with me!!"- I told him while I grabbed his wrist and dragged him to where the audience was with the musicians.

"Oh I don't think that's a good idea"- Colin said as he resisted my push and sat back down on the stool.

"Pleaseee"- I pouted sadly

"I don't know how to dance, but you go. I see you from here"

"Fineee but you are missing the opportunity to dance with a sexy latina"- I said swaying my hips

I went to the center of the room near where the musicians were playing, waving my arms in the air happily. My confidence was through the roof. I let myself be carried away by the rhythm of the music, moving my legs from one side to the other and my arms making waves while I closed my eyes letting myself go. My clothes were tight to the body highlighting my attributes and my hands ran through my body from head to toe ending on my thighs near my groin while slowly lowering to the ground.

Zabel's eyes widened.

I continued dancing with my eyes closed, my head moved from side to side as did my waist, but in an act of rebellion I went up on stage and grabbed the microphone of the main vocalist.

"What the hell are you doing"- He said irritated and confused

"Oh no, this can't be good"- Colin sighed

"Hellooo amigoos!"- I grabbed the microphone and exclaimed trying to keep my balance

"Tonight I want to dedicate this special song to that pretty boy over there who is sitting at the bar and covering his face"- I said pointing at him shamelessly

The detective covered his eyes with an embarrassed hand and laughed nervously, he wanted the earth to swallow him up

The bassist approached me annoyed and said

"Hey you can't do that he-!"

"Shh!"- I shut him up by putting a finger to his lips - "Now I will sing"

I started to sing a couple of Lady Gaga songs while seductively dancing every movement I did, it was full of elegance and passion, it was in my blood. From time to time he gave Colin provocative glances like a hunter watching his prey. I knew how to dance and capture people's attention, my hips did not stop moving and waving to the rhythm of the songs like a belly dancer, there was not a single inch of my body that I did not move. Sometimes I would bring my attention to my hands either by moving them in circles in the air and gesturing like flamenco dancers or by bringing them to my bust. I think people also liked my voice, I wasn't a professional but I put all my effort and enthusiasm into it. I could hit high notes and some low ones without so much effort.

Detective Zabel didn't know whether to run away or stay to continue enjoying the show, but he looked at me with dreamy eyes and a sparkle of joy.

"Your friend seems funny huh?"

"Uh excuse me, what?"- Colin turned his head in confusion to know who was speaking to him.

"Your little friend, the one in the pretty black shirt, seems to know how to have fun"- The bartender, while cleaning a glass, elbowed him as a sign of complicity while winking at him and then burst out laughing.

"Oh ye-yeah. She's amazing"- This last he said in almost a whisper. This woman aroused new emotions in the detective, and he liked them

Now the crazy singer began to sing in Spanish, although nobody understood her, they enjoyed the music

"SI NO SUPISTE AMAR, AHORA TE PUEDES MARCHAR!" (If you didn't know how to love, now you can leave)

"BOOM BOOM PON A GOZAR TU CUERPO CON EL BOOM, BOOM BOOM PON A GOZAR TU CUERPO, WOOO" (put your body to enjoy with the boom)- I was jumping like I was in carnival while waving an arm in the air

I stopped singing, I was exhausted

"Thank you dear audience, y ahora chupenme la-!" (and now suck my-)

The vocalist, fed up with me, snatched the microphone from me before I could finish the sentence.

"Go insult somewhere else, I have a Colombian cousin, you know? I understood what you said"

I came down from the audience somewhat embarrassed but happy because the people were applauding me happily, it was nice to be the center of attention for 5 minutes

I got to Colin who was still sitting at the bar looking at me like I was a Christmas present smiling with his eyes and mouth

"My, my. You're quite the jackpot"

"Oh what can I say?"- I said modest

"Let's go I think it's already quite late"- He looked at his wristwatch, it was 9:30

Colin Zabel took me affectionately but firmly by the arm, accompanying me towards the exit and then resting his hand on my lower back.

I got in the car together with him and we began the return to my apartment. Colin drove calmly while I still kept the music on my mind, nodding my head rhythmically and rocking my foot up and down. I looked at the streets distracted through the window. I suddenly turned my whole body so that I could face the detective. I rested an arm on the headrest of my seat, looking at him mischievously.

"What did you think of today's performance?"

"I think it was magical"- He smiled and showed some sexy dimples.- "I didn't know you could dance so well, my favorite part was when you took the vocalist's microphone and made him shut up"- When he laughed his nose wrinkled adorablely, he looked like a bunny

"Really?"- I laughed hysterically throwing my head back.- "Ok yeah, that was good"

We continue laughing heartily until I get closer to Colin laughing and resting my hand on his leg. I stroked his thigh coming up a bit near his groin and gave a playful squeeze.

Colin, who was not expecting that, tensed his muscles and clenched his jaw, letting out a contained grunt.

I looked at him biting my lower lip into a smile while still having my hand on his leg.

"Uhmm I-I think the alcohol affected you a little"- He moaned slowly, unable to contain himself.

Music for my ears

I laughed and slowly removed my hand from his thigh.

"I wasn't really drunk..."

Colin turned his head to gape at me, but remembered he was driving so he quickly looked back at the road.

"What did you just say??"

I shrugged as I looked at him, smiling innocently as if I had done some mischief and was about to punish myself.

"Did you seriously think it was my first time trying a drink that strong?"- I said naughty

Zabel snorted

"Please don't be mad, I know it was stupid"- I begged - "The cocktail had gone to my head a bit but not so much that I lost consciousness, I was conscious"- Now totally serious I look at him worried

"I'm sorry"- I sounded like a wounded animal as I looked down at my skirt. I didn't want to play the dead fly but now I realized that what I did was irresponsible

Colin heard the tone of regret in my voice and since he didn't like to see me down he said

"I'm not mad I promise, plus I have to admit it was kind of fun. And no one got hurt so you didn't do anything serious"- He gave me a warm look and a smile that was brighter than the stars in the sky that night.

Relieved, I smiled back at him as he continued driving to my house. Again he helped me get out of the car and walked me to the entrance.

"Well y/n I really had a good time today, I say again that you are full of surprises"

"Aww you don't suck either"

He laughed

We stared at each other's eyes, both shone in a particular way, was it love?

"Well I guess I'll see you another day Detective Zabel"- And without waiting for an answer, I grabbed his face with both hands and planted a passionate but quick kiss on his lips. It was our second date anyway and that's what happens at the end of one, right?

Colin stared at me silently, not knowing how to react.

"See you tomorrow, mi vida"- I smiled even with his face in my hands

He looked at me smiling confused

"I think you'll have to ask me out again to find out what that means."- I said amused as I quickly opened the door and entered my house.

The brown-haired boy stared at the door for a few seconds without knowing what to do, but then he laughed, placing his hands in his pants pocket as he headed towards his car. He would definitely ask her out on another date.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's not the best I've written, sorry for disappointing the fans of this series 😭

at least i hope i made you laugh

[sky-kenobye]

Fic Tag Game

Thanks @ineffable-snowman for the tag! :D

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

7 works, 5 of them are my own fics and the other 2 are translations (in french) of other people's fics

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

18,740 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Star Wars at the moment. I used to write for Harry Potter but not anymore, and one translation is from a Sherlock fic and I sort of tried to write for that fandom but never managed anything.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Who's having a gay crisis? (424 kudos) (HP)

2. Partenaire Particulier (397 kudos) (HP)

3. Not exactly common (221 kudos) (HP)

4. Happy as a stick bug (132 kudos) (SW)

5. I wish you with me always (99 kudos) (SW)

(I honestly don't think they deserve to be in that order, I would put the entire thing upside down lol. But drarry/hp in general is a much bigger fandom than obikin and they're older fics, so more time to get kudos. And my top one doesn't deal with aroace stuff so it must have helped too.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to, yes! I might not if it's just a few emojis or a very very short one, and sometimes I just forget, but I like when authors answer my comments so I try to do the same.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None of them, I'm a fluff writer, I can't handle the unhappy endings 😅 I guess the worst one might be my very first fic, that must still be somewhere on ff.net, it was a pretty angsty/bittersweet fic (and probably very badly written, yikes)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them? They all end with people cuddling/holding hand/being really sappy 🤷 The one where the characters are the happiest is probably I wish you with me always though, it's the only one where nobody's traumatised one way or another.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't so far, luckily. But I don't have that many hits either so less people reading it=less likely to get hate (I think?)

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Nope! No smut for me I'm afraid, I think I'd be pretty bad at it tbh. I'm not ruling it out but being an aroace virgin myself, I think I'd be a bit out of my depth lol. But if I ever do it'll probably be the sappiest most vanilla smut you've ever seen x)

(I enjoy reading way kinkier stuff, but I don't think I have it in me to write it)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

I haven't so far. If we're talking about characters crossover(?)(like, making characters from different media meet) I'm not sure I ever will, I'm definitely not inspired at the moment. If putting characters in another universe counts as a crossover (like, idk a pacific rim au?), then I probably will eventually, yeah.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, probably not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I did some translations myself. I'm vaguely thinking about translating my own fics in french though. It's thanks to translations of fics that I started reading in english, and it's thanks to that that I became so good in english, so like, I owe fic translators a lot? And I also feel kinda bad about speaking french but "gatekeeping" my fics by writing them only in english. Idk.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, I don't think that's for me, too much pressure to write something good and that the other author(s) actually like.

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Hmm 🤔 I want to say obikin because they're my current absolute fav, and they might rank first in term of investment, and maybe even intensity, but it's a relatively recent ship for me soooo 🤷 My oldest and longest lasting was Harry/Ginny, but I wasn't quite as much into it as other ships. Drarry was a pretty intense one for a while but I went multiple times from being obsessed with it to being almost squicked by it, so I don't think they can go first. Stucky, Dinluke and Johnlock are up there too but idk.

15. What's your WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Idk if it counts but I wanted to write a sequel to Partenaire Particulier. I didnt have anything really planed but I really wanted a sequel and I promised up and down that I would write it, no matter how long it took. And uuuh, now I left the fandom and don't intend on getting back to it 😬 So that's haunting me a little bit.

16. What are your writing strength?

Strength? No strength here sir.

I'm kidding but I really have no idea. Dialogue comes the easiest to me but I'm not sure I'm actually good at it, i tend do make my characters ramble and go on emotional rants.

Or in middle school I wrote a scene description so good that my teacher read it for the whole classroom, so maybe that was my strength back then? I was twelve though.

And I dont know if it's a strength, a weakness or just a fact but almost all my fics so far are about aro/ace/qpr stuff (projecting much? me? naah. 👀)

(If anybody wants to tell me what's good in my writing I'd kiss you on the mouth)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Blending dialogue and not-dialogue (forgor the name). I either write 1k without anyone speaking or 1k straight of dialogue but you don't know what anybody's doing. I try to blend both when I edit but it's haaaard.

Also sometimes I feel like I have the vocabulary of a 5 years old.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it can be perfectly fine if the pov isn't supposed to understand what's being said, or if it's translated straight away, but when you read a long fic with mando'a every 5 seconds and none of it is translated (or all at the end) it gets pretty annoying and doesnt really add much to the fic. imo if you want a character to speak in a different language you should just write in english, put it in italics, and specify that they speak the other language or something.

The other thing that bother me that I see a lot especially with mando'a in fics, is just putting the word in mando'a in the middle of an English sentence. That's not how being bilingual works!! (at least not that much). Like, I don't call my sister "my soeur", so why do the clones call each other vode in basic? Idk, it doesn't bother me enough to stop reading, it's more of a mild annoyance, but it doesn't really make much sense to me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter! But Star Wars is the first fandom where I'm actually (somewhat) active and interacting with people instead of lurking and blurting out a fic every once in a while.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I'll go with I wish you with me always. I think I made a decent job at writing it and qpr are just so important to me. It also made me sooo happy to see so many other people liking it <3

But I think my wedding au will steal the first place if I ever manage to finish it!

I feel like everybody had already done this a while ago, so I'm tagging whoever is reading this and hasnt done it before!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello!!

I am so sorry 😭😭 I have a few things that I want to ask.

Let’s start with gender. I’ve been here a lot talking about my gender experience and how I feel somewhat connected to my agab being afab.

Personally, I hate when I am referred to as a girl/women. When my friends plan a ‘girls trip’ I get annoyed… when people assume I am a ‘young lady’ I get frustrated. I don’t get why I am like that specifically because it’s been as of recent (only about a year). Before that it never really annoyed it or maybe I just never thought much about the terms I was being referred to as.

Sometimes I feel as if I am faking my gender. Like I should just stop thinking about it and let myself be perceived as how I was born. But that feels wrong. But also doesn’t?

It feels wrong in the sense that I’ve spent a year thinking about gender and how I am not cis, that now I believe that I am not cis, but when I think about it again it’s like maybe I am just cis and I just want to show people that gender isn’t important and that people can dress how they want to without being perceived a specific binary gender etc.

In the past year I have felt comfortable thinking I was agender, but I still sometimes feel like I am just cis (minus the desire to want to chop off my tits 24/7).

That’s another thing. I only started feeling chest Dysphoria in the last 2 years. Before that I liked them… 😭😭 I hate saying that bc now they make me so angry and just the thought of them makes me feel sick.

This is me basically asking is if it is normal to doubt my gender or does it seem like I’m faking it.

Bc sometimes when I think about myself it’s as a girl and then when I think about it properly it’s like ‘ew why did I make my future self look like that’ bc I want to look visibly queer but my unconscious brain just perceives me as a girl.

Ok secondly, (I’m so sorry this might get really long) I’m questioning my sexuality?

I think it’s sexuality?

So I am bi. That’s a known fact. I’ve known that since 2021. But when I think about being in a relationship with someone it’s always so different to how other people perceive relationships. (I’ve never been in a relationship)

The thing is, I can’t imagine being intimate with anyone. Like it’s just weird. But I want it someday.

I read… a lot!! And I love reading all kinds of fluff that gets my stomach erupting with butterflies, I also love reading smut, it doesn’t make me feel grossed out or anything and I quite enjoy it.

It’s just when I picture myself with someone else it’s just like ‘nope, not for me’. BUT I DO WANT IT!!

Could this just be lack of relationship and experience or could I be on the ace spectrum.

I’ve looked at some of the terms and demisexual is kind of what I’m feeling but also not bc I do want to one day build a strong connection to someone and have a trusting relationship where I can express my love (ok yes that’s cringy to say but idk how else to word it).

I also have had crushes in the past but when I think about if I’d want to get to know them better it’s just a straight up ‘nope’ (that’s probably just my social anxiety tho)

and I’ve spoken to my sister about this relationship stuff and she is the same, like we both wouldn’t kiss someone after the first few dates and wouldn’t be thinking about anything further until there is a real bond.

Is this just lack of relationship? Am I just overthinking it too much?

Lastly, thank you so much Cas!! You are the most kind hearted person ever for always responding to my asks (yes I’ve asked a lot bc I crisis a lot) and honestly you’ve saved my life in so many different ways! I hope you have an amazing day/night!

🌼🌹🪻🌻🌸

(some flowers for you) xx

Hi! <3 I'm gonna answer this bit-by-bit

Hello!!

Hi!

I am so sorry 😭😭 I have a few things that I want to ask.

No sorries!

Let’s start with gender. I’ve been here a lot talking about my gender experience and how I feel somewhat connected to my agab being afab.

Personally, I hate when I am referred to as a girl/women. When my friends plan a ‘girls trip’ I get annoyed… when people assume I am a ‘young lady’ I get frustrated. I don’t get why I am like that specifically because it’s been as of recent (only about a year). Before that it never really annoyed it or maybe I just never thought much about the terms I was being referred to as.

Sometimes I feel as if I am faking my gender. Like I should just stop thinking about it and let myself be perceived as how I was born. But that feels wrong. But also doesn’t?

You're not faking anything! These feelings are valid, and being your authentic self is important!

It feels wrong in the sense that I’ve spent a year thinking about gender and how I am not cis, that now I believe that I am not cis, but when I think about it again it’s like maybe I am just cis and I just want to show people that gender isn’t important and that people can dress how they want to without being perceived a specific binary gender etc.

In the past year I have felt comfortable thinking I was agender, but I still sometimes feel like I am just cis (minus the desire to want to chop off my tits 24/7).

Have youuuuuu heard of genderfluid? Where your gender can kind of change depending on the day? What you're saying feels very genderfluid.

That’s another thing. I only started feeling chest Dysphoria in the last 2 years. Before that I liked them… 😭😭 I hate saying that bc now they make me so angry and just the thought of them makes me feel sick.

This is me basically asking is if it is normal to doubt my gender or does it seem like I’m faking it.

Absolutely it's normal! You are anonymously writing to me on the internet- you're not faking it. Truly, please look into genderfluid. I don't usually push someone towards one identity but yeah. What you're describing is very similar to how I feel, so I think it might be helpful.

Bc sometimes when I think about myself it’s as a girl and then when I think about it properly it’s like ‘ew why did I make my future self look like that’ bc I want to look visibly queer but my unconscious brain just perceives me as a girl.

I think this is something that a lot of people don't realize: when/if you transition in any way, it sometimes even takes YOU time to adjust. You've been conditioned your whole life to picture and refer to yourself a certain way. Old habits die hard. To me, it's not what's the first thing you think of, it's what feels the best?

Ok secondly, (I’m so sorry this might get really long) I’m questioning my sexuality?

I think it’s sexuality?

So I am bi. That’s a known fact. I’ve known that since 2021. But when I think about being in a relationship with someone it’s always so different to how other people perceive relationships. (I’ve never been in a relationship)

The thing is, I can’t imagine being intimate with anyone. Like it’s just weird. But I want it someday.

Hm. Why? Do you...want it because other people do? Because you want the closeness of being intimate with someone? Because you...(how do I ask this in a proper way)...feel you would enjoy it?

I read… a lot!! And I love reading all kinds of fluff that gets my stomach erupting with butterflies, I also love reading smut, it doesn’t make me feel grossed out or anything and I quite enjoy it.

It’s just when I picture myself with someone else it’s just like ‘nope, not for me’. BUT I DO WANT IT!!

Could this just be lack of relationship and experience or could I be on the ace spectrum.

I think I a lot of people don't realize that being ace doesn't necessarily mean you're sex-repulsed. Many ace people have sex and still identify as ace. I think here, I'd encourage you to think more about WHAT exactly you feel when you read those things (I don't want to go into detail much incase you're underage).

I’ve looked at some of the terms and demisexual is kind of what I’m feeling but also not bc I do want to one day build a strong connection to someone and have a trusting relationship where I can express my love (ok yes that’s cringy to say but idk how else to word it).

Well...Only you can decide if you're demi. But I identify as demi, and I have those things!

I also have had crushes in the past but when I think about if I’d want to get to know them better it’s just a straight up ‘nope’ (that’s probably just my social anxiety tho)

and I’ve spoken to my sister about this relationship stuff and she is the same, like we both wouldn’t kiss someone after the first few dates and wouldn’t be thinking about anything further until there is a real bond.

Is this just lack of relationship? Am I just overthinking it too much?

Okay so I think this website could be helpful to you. I don't think you're overthinking at all, but I think it might be good to do some research on the ace spectrum. Like I said, being ace doesn't necessarily mean a person is sex-repulsed, so it could be that you do end up identifying as ace!

Lastly, thank you so much Cas!! You are the most kind hearted person ever for always responding to my asks (yes I’ve asked a lot bc I crisis a lot) and honestly you’ve saved my life in so many different ways! I hope you have an amazing day/night!

🌼🌹🪻🌻🌸

(some flowers for you) xx

Of course!!! Feel free to message me if you want more help! Thanks for the flowers!

[earlgreytea68]

okay so i have fallen headfirst back into fob w smfs and having that album drop coinciding w finally being in a place where I can just! buy tickets!! and see them on tour!! And i did and it was AMAZING

part of falling back into this has been lurking on fob/peterick blogs again the way I did back in HS, and yours brings me so much joy! what a lovely community you’ve cultivated here, and i adore your fics sm as well—I’m systematically working my way through each one

so a lot of love your way <3 i do need a bit of a second opinion though—I’ve been working myself up over trying to figure out if I can see them again while they’re touring for smfs. There’s a part of me that worries that this might be the last album—the same part that was the most upset when they were touring for MANIA and i couldn’t make that show. SO i would love to hear if you’ve got any thoughts re whether my fears hold any water—or if you think I should chill out, enjoy the ride of keeping up w this tour, and be secure in the fact that our boys aren’t going anywhere any time soon

Hello! First of all, yay, welcome back, and thank you so much for all of your kind words!

I know that there were a ton of rumors this was going to be their last album and they were going to call it quits after this, but having heard the album and watched them promote it and then seeing this tour they're putting on...it seems so unlikely to me???? They just don't act like a band who's done, who doesn't have anything more to say. Like, when Patrick talks about Fall Out Boy he's so very clear that it's, like, necessary for him to have, that it's the art and creativity that he does because of how much he loves it, not a job, and it would seem weird for him to talk that way, so vocally, if there was any inkling in his head that this would be the last time he would have it, you know?

And Pete has been the less vocal one this cycle, and we know he was the one who was reluctant to do another album and undertake another tour, but he has seldom seen so genuinely happy as he has during this tour, he seems to be loving every second of it.

And Joe came back and also seems delighted to be back.

Idk, I do not get the feeling of a band with any intention of winding down. They feel completely reinvigorated and reinspired and ready to go. It would not at all surprise me if they're already writing the next one, we know Patrick and Pete like to write while on tour. And I think they've really enjoyed being out of contract and having total control back, I really think it has opened up the horizons of what they want to and can do. Plus their fanbase has turned out for them loyally and so I don't think they are getting any kind of message that they're not wanted or needed anymore.

So Idk, I think in my heart of hearts there will be another album and another tour eventually someday.

All of that said, there will probably be people who will disagree with this life advice, and please always do what's best for you and your financial situation and life situation, but also: life is short, and uncertain. I didn't get into Fall Out Boy until the Mania tour was just wrapping up, and they announced they were going to play a random festival in Cincinnati and I agonized over going and finally decided to do it and I have to be frank, that weekend in Cincinnati was one of the best weekends of my life, I think about all the time how wonderful it was, the show was incredible, and it was the last concert I saw before the pandemic hit and I spent all of that time just being so incredibly grateful that I'd gone to that Cincinnati concert because otherwise I would have regretted it forever.

If you are in the incredibly lucky and privileged position to be able to afford to do something that you really want to do, and doing so will not bankrupt you or send you into a debt crisis or harm previous commitments you need to keep or, etc., etc., like, if the only argument you can come up with against doing something is "Idk, would this be ridiculous????," Idk, I think I'd err on the side of doing the thing. That's not just advice for Fall Out Boy concerts. You get to do this life thing once, and it goes by so much faster than you can possibly anticipate. If something's going to bring you joy, that's pretty precious. Take it where you can get it.

[vwildmage]

Posting something here before i forget to talk about it again.

I have been Having Thoughts about a possible HalfLife Vr and Animator vs Animation crossover.

Not like putting the characters in each other plotlines, but like. Gordon and Alan crossing paths online and forming a friendship over "my tiny friends in the computer are causing chaos, what do."

Got rambly, so

The AvA gang canonically live on the desktop, no programs needed, and some HLVRAI aus do the same for the Science Team. No concrete thoughts but loose idea, Gordon and Alan are discussing if it's a good idea to introduce them (will the stickfigures be alarmed by these realistic humanoids? Will the AI suffer another existential crisis when they meet living stick figures? Will they end up play fighting or anger fighting?) All the worry ends up being pointless bc the color gang, curious as cats, find the messages between the human duo and manage to make their way onto Gordon's computer. Chaos ensues, but luckily it's fun chaos.

Points that keep sticking in my brain

Benrey SweetVoice and Green singing notes. It sounds like the start of a great friendship at first, but Benrey doesn't really do tunes with his Voice. The pitch and color change with his mood, Green is actually singing.

Blue and Darnold, potions duo. Blue introduces Darnold to the Minecraft potion system, and soon enough the delighted AI is coming up with new noncanon potions like Blue does. He's not impressed with the flavor of straight netherwart, tho.

All of the stick gang ADORE Sunkist. She's the perfect dog!

Dr. Coomer really really wants to join in when he sees the color gang start scrapping with each other. Gordon desperately tries to tell him to tone it down so he doesn't actually hurt any of them. The punch-happy old scientist AI wants to be rowdy with their new friends. (Remember how in the Wanted episode of AvA, when Orange joined the spar, the rest stopped fighting each other to focus on him? The tables have turned, it takes all of them to take on Harold Coomer)

Last potential idea. I have no idea if i would actually write for it, but I'm lowkey indulging thoughts of AvA crossover with my AI Cores au. Bring the stick figures onto the physical plane so they can cause trouble and explore. And hug their dad

Gordon convincing Alan to get a vr setup, then inviting him to bring the color gang to a vr chat or gmod server so he can interact with his kids the gang on the same level, instead of them being the size of his hand. Meeting face to face like this puts a lot of things in perspective, for him and for the stickfigures.

Also I am zeroed in on the friendship between Gordon and Alan. Idk why, i just think they'd be good friends. In line with the previous point, Gordon teaching Alan the ins and outs of vr trickery. And again, the gang interacting with Alan as a person and not a hand/cursor or distant figure behind a screen. They get so curious, trailing after him to watch what he does. I'm not wording it quite right, I'll try again later.

[thedawningofthehour]

doth!draxum is the type of villain you want to squeeze really tightly in your fist and scream at him in angry tears but at the same time acknowledge his absolute genius.

ngl i see a lot of fics with intentional holes in villains which the protagonists use to save the day and yada yada (which is still obviously important sometimes), or just blunt personality traits that do not add up to the character as a whole when you think about it; like "oh, i, draxum, will hate the very beings i have created and treat them like absolute shit just because i can, despite the fact that if i treated them properly then they'd thrive and be open to whatever plans i have for them because they actually understand what i am doing for yokai and be met with little to no resistance and, /bonus/, have (some) kickass son(s)"

there are still a lot of good fics with this but. idk. it really just doesn't strike me as something draxum would do.

doth draxum is the complete opposite and is just so downright realistic. i haven't angrily loved a villain like this in a good while. fact, i dont even think villain is the right term, since what he's doing could potentially save both yokai and humankind alike from an even worse fate. reality sucks and draxum already knows that, and he taught galois that too. donnie just viewed it as draxum killing off the human race(might be wrong on that part since i need to go re-read) and didn't quite take in the actual crisis approaching.

what i just spewed might be literal bullshit but. it's my bullshit.

anywayssss love the writing sm can't wait for next chapter even if it'll break this poor little heart even more.

I don't want to start ragging on other writers/artists here. They had their own visions for how their creative works would look and Evil Draxum fit that. That's fine. It's just a different vibe than what I wanted, that's all.

I think the point a lot of Grimdark Draxum people get hung up on is the scene where he throws Leo off the roof, with the whole "I will not hesitate to destroy you" thing. (sidenote, I do not have Leo be salty about that NEARLY enough) From there, yeah, he does look like a ruthless villain who would do classically evil things just because he can.

But Draxum is one of those characters whose words say one thing and his actions say another. He does hesitate to destroy them. Not Leo, he legit thought Leo was going to die and didn't give a fuck, (in my canon he did this because Leo is his least favorite-he wouldn't have done it to the other three) but he deals with them all several times before coming to the conclusion that they have to die. And even after he assembles Evil Justice League and does a whole music number about killing them-he stands there and asks them to join him again. He has a group of pissed-off mutants at his back who all really hate the turtles and got all excited for murder. He's 100% willing to burn those bridges and piss those guys off if it means he doesn't have to kill his turtles. And even then, after giving them what he explicitly states is their final, point-of-no-return offer...he's out there trying to convince them again, using Lou Jitsu as an in with them. Draxum does not want them dead. He's willing to kill them, but it's established that Draxum is willing to sacrifice just about anything for his cause, so that's not saying much.

And then another thing is his behavior at the end of s1 when he gets close to the dark armor, with the whole kidnapping the boys and threatening to torture them to death in front of their father kind of thing. Yeah. That was fucked. I feel like the dark armor and the taunting of power really, really fucked with Draxum's head. In my canon Cass kind of snapped him out of that when she told him that the armor would all but kill him, and he realized how far gone he was. Cass and Gale kind of serve as good grounding points for him now.

Also, I just want to point out, this was the face Draxum made when he first laid eyes on his creations:

That is not the face of a man who is ambivalent about them dying.

So yeah, while Draxum's original plan for Donnie was not as fluffy and affectionate as what he ended up going with, it wasn't cruel. He would have still fed him well and made sure he was getting enough sleep because those things would have affected the quality of his work, he would have provided medical care because what use did he have for a sick or injured engineer? Taking care of Donnie was worth the extra time and expense because a healthy Donnie would be more productive and would do better work. Just in terms of numbers, it made more sense to be decent to him. There probably would have been some mental and physical abuse, but mostly just to make Donnie reliant on him and keep him from rebelling.

Also he still absolutely thinks of the change of plans as purely a numbers thing. It would simply produce better results of he did it like this. Feelings never came into play here. Baron Draxum does not get attached, especially not to turtles who cuss him out while strapped to his lab table.

Oh no, Draxum is 100% genociding the human race. He's willing to mutate some of them-mostly kids, because they aren't shitheads yet and he thinks they might be redeemable. This isn't exactly mercy-this is something real-life colonizers do to ethnic groups they're trying to destroy. Take their kids and make them 'their own'. That was the whole deal with residential schools and there are definitely people who utilize international adoption to 'save' and Christianize non-white babies. Draxum genuinely believes that humans are evil by virtue of being human. Most human adults are too corrupted, but he might be able to save some of them by mutating them, and the children deserve a chance to be saved.

It just kind of goes to show what a shit situation we're in that That is actually something that could halt the impending mass extinction event caused by climate change.

[rodolfoparras]

I wrote most of it? But I keep going back and editing and rewriting. It's a short story and it's supposed have only about 7-8 chapters though. I had few ideas for serial killer trope stories with my two favourite ocs and this is one those stories. It's essentially all the same story but different outcomes/AUs.

For example, in another version of the story the serial killer dies and his best friend/fan starts seeing him everywhere (it's supposed to be ambiguous and you can't really tell is killer a ghost or is the main character losing his mind) and killer is convincing him to kill and take revenge for his death. He is being all like "I thought you loved me? I thought you'd do anything for me?" and main character is a unstable mess 😭 I actually have quite a few original stories that I want to turn into fanfics or at least write fanfics somewhat inspired by them. (Particularly my Barbarian king and sorcerer story)

And thank you for your sweet words and advice, I was having some kind of weird crisis last night idk 🙃

-🔮

I genuinely mean it when I say your story sounds super interesting and I would love to read it!!!

We need more dark romance stories in the mlm book community and when I say book community I don’t mean fanfics but published works and I think your story would do great? If you ever want to you should def send it to a book agency bc it genuinely sounds like a great story 🫶🏻

Also the alternative version sounds so interesting but also so heartbreaking:(idk your oc but I wanna give him the biggest hug but it would be so interesting to see how he works through grief while basically k wording ppl on the side

[klarion-the-witch-boy]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by @marirah! Love you, babe 😘

I'm TheWitchBoy and Klarion on AO3. 🫡

How many works do you have on AO3?

158 on TheWitchBoy

14 on Klarion (but I don't feel like logging into Klarion rn, so that's probably the only thing I'll answer for Klarion)

What’s your total A03 word count?

904,184 words on TheWitchBoy

What fandoms do you write for?

A lot of DC, some Marvel, a bit of Star Wars, a pinch of Harry Potter, a dash of Supernatural. Anything that strikes my fancy, really.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Odd One, or, Wally's Mysterious Boyfriend. T, Birdflash, Secret ID Reveals, Humour.

A Strange Family. T, SuperBat (Pre-Relationship), Secret ID Reveals, Shenanigans.

A Game of Guess Who With Big Blue. G, Gen, Mistaken Identities, ID Shenanigans, Humour.

Grinning Shadow of the Bat. T, Batfam, Dialogue Centric, Shenanigans, Humour.

Secret Visitors (on the Watchtower). G, Gen, Secrets, Humour.

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I know this one... It's one of my DCWC fics. Uhh. The Unwanted Return of the Past. Or maybe The Cliff Walk? I'm not much of an angst writer, I don't think.

Oh wait, I did try my hand at writing expressions of grief that one time, of Dick after Jason's death. Picking Up the Broken Pieces.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Damn. Happiest ending. Uh. Maybe ...Trading Spouses? Most of my fic has happy endings, idk

Do you get hate on your fic?

I don't think so?

Do you write smut?

Yes, but only on Klarion. I prefer TheWitchBoy to be (mostly) sfw.

Do you write crossovers?

Sometimes. Mostly DC/White Collar (I have a series for those ones, actually). Sometimes DC/Marvel.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. But, way back in my dA days, I did lil Harry Potter comics and those were stolen lmao. I didn't care much at the time and I don't care much now, though.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of?

Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yeah! With the cryptid roommate! The Clue fic (it's Supernatural, that's you're only warning).

What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

That's a hard one. I think - if folks know me for any ship - they probably know me for Birdflash? That's definitely up there. In this minute, right now, though? Maybe Matt/Frank. Maybe TimKon. I'm not good at picking favourites.

What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Unrepentant. :/ I wanna do it, but at this point it's been so long I don't think I can fool myself about it.

What’s your writing strengths?

Dialogue (or so I like to think). It's what I have the most fun with, anyway.

What’s your writing weaknesses?

Remembering what I wrote, probably.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I prefer it in moderation? I dunno, I think dabbling in other languages isn't a bad thing, but for myself I do like to understand what I'm putting to paper.

But also I don't like when an English fic sticks Cyrillic or katakana or whatever else into dialogue - Romanize that, so it can be read, however roughly, please. Otherwise I hear like... Villager Gibberish when my eyes pass over it and that's low-key uncomfy lmao.

First fandom you wrote for?

Prrrobably Kingdom Hearts? Or Final Fantasy 7: Crisis Core? Damn, going all the way back to my pre-AO3 days, there. And pre-fanficdotnet days.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Right now, my favourite written/shared fic is Signs and Portents. It's a Fusion Fic of Supernatural and the movie Signs. I deeply enjoyed writing it. Sadly, it's not quite what folks were looking for to read. XD that's fine, though, since I wrote it for me, anyway.

Too tired to tag anyone, sorry. ✌️ If you feel like doing it, then you're it now. You're officially tag. Shoo, go write up your answers!

[wellwhatisnttaken]

Review

Nothing Left (but some blood where the bodies fell) by orphan_account

Link : https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027170

Major Spoilers under the cut.

Ok. This series is my ATYD. Maybe that’s controversial, but its the truth. Nothing Left is a series that chronicles the marauders years at hogwarts complete with a prologue, and a few epilogues after the main series. The final word count clocks in at 808,811 words. For reference, atyd is 526,969 words. So it’s definitely really freaking long.

Now -the characters

The core four marauders are there obviously, but Lily, Regulus, the girls, Effie and Fleamont, as well as some OCs are all major players in this fic. It is not solely the four marauders.

It’s important to note that in fics, that are long and chronicle the marauders at Hogwarts, sometimes they can fall into the trap of isolation. As in, marauders interactions with others outside the circle are limited/nil and or when they do interact with others or explore other friendships, theyre all together. Thats not the case here. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus ARE quite codependent (sirius and james are the definition of co dependent lmao) but they are friends with other people and have different dynamics and personal struggles. They exist outside of each other is what im getting at.

I couldn’t begin to fully summarize all of the friendship dynamics in this fic because they’re so big and fleshed out but id like to highlight a few that i especially liked :

Lily and Remus. Remus is the first marauder that Lily warms up to, and the first she befriends. She tells him she loves him, and goes to bat against everyone, even Snape, for him. Snape is perhaps Lily’s biggest foil in-terms of relationships, and the fact that from the BEGINNING she threatened to hurt and even kill Severus if he hurt Remus, to me says alot. Lily and Remus are platonic soulmates. They confide in each other, challenge each other, and love and trust each other. I love their friendship in this fic

James and Sirius. OBVIOUSLY! They are insane. When i say they bring out the worst in each other i mean it. They both make the other more insane. But they couldn’t live without one another and its clear from the moment they met. Sirius and James are complicated. They kiss and sleep in each others beds, and at times it seems like they want to crawl into one another’s skin. They are the definition of co dependent. They have ups and downs and after the prank, they both fell apart. James was beyond furious at Sirius and stayed that way for months even after Remus had forgiven him. It tore them up, and they both fell into a deep depression and identity crisis with out the other and it was really heartbreaking to read. I love them tho.

Eli Wood and James. Idk if eli is canon? Either way. Eli is the first quidditch captain that James has at Hogwarts. And in alot of ways Eli serves as the backbone of James’s character. James absolutely worships Eli from the moment they meet. And after he graduates, Ei becomes an Auror. With James’s mom and dad working in and with the DMLE james happens to be there after a raid by the aurors gone wrong. James watches Eli’s dead body collapse on the floor of st mungos after being apparated back. This is the moment that shapes him. James carries Elis memory with him into adulthood, and never quite gets over him romantically. Eli is the raw side of James’s bleeding heart and i think it was beautiful.

Ok i have to talk about Lily. This lily is not canon lily and thats what i love about her. From day one, with her massive ginger curls, Lily is a spitfire. She values friendship and trust and loyalty, which is why she stays with Severus for so long. Lily is loud and academic and a bit of a bitch but shes 11 when we meet her. Who isnt a prick at 11 years old?? Lily is naturally wound so tight that its only when she starts to Really hang out with the marauders, do her walls come down and she relaxes. Lily deals woth so much blood purity racism, and i loved reading her struggle with it, as she tries to decide between forgiveness or revenge, kindness or remembering the crime. Her Arc with Snape is huge and involves blood racism.

This Lily likes crystals and fags (this word is used ALOT for cigarettes, like so much) and the beatles, and she is NOT James potters little wife and she is not something to be fought over. She gets tattoos and does coke with Sirius, and fights bullies and absolutely drags James Potter over the rocks. And i love her.

Ok this is getting really long so a bulleted list of things i liked!

- James and Professor McG. She cares for him like a second mother and i teared up reading them

- Remus and the big bad lycanthropy. Remus struggles alot in this fic, and theres alot of aspects to it but i will say i appreciated how the author included him using a crutch and having limited mobility. I thought that was very realistic.

- effie and fleamont. They were very 3 dimensional and their love for James and Sirius was tangible. I sobbed when they died. I liked how James had his struggles with them and they weren’t just plot perfect parents. They struggled but they TRIED. They loved much and were loved much

Regulus. He is an older sister in a 15 year olds body. The trauma he endures is crazy. Not only does he get punished (tortured) by his parents, Sirius does as well, and Sirius begs him to take away his memory, so now regulus carries the burden alone. His whole arc was heartbreaking but it came around on the end.

Ok im done for now. This was a massive fic and i wish i knew who the author was. But i highly recommend it.

[landscaping-your-mind]

howdy, howdy, howdy @a-mag-a-day and co. it's 148 time! That's lovely! :3

also uhm. 7de Laan (South African soap opera) spoilers ahead? apparently?

look idk what to do for a funny intro today

JONATHAN SIMS Rusty Quill presents: The Magnus Archives. Episode one hundred and forty-eight. Extended Surveillance.

For some reason, my brain immediatly went "the French magnus archives" and it would be like uh... cent et quarante-huit (?). I don't know why I wanted to translate it? Also, the most French I've done was like... grade 9 Canadian French which I've promptly forgotten. I don't know why I thought this.

Le Magnus (in a french accent) Archives? Look, I speak Afrikaans, but as someone who's learned it from 7de Laan and yk, just being in a family with one Afrkaaner who sometimes uses Afrikaans slang and words and cannot spell apple, so a lot of the Afrikaans I speak is just english words in an Afrikaans accent. I mean like that's basically what Afrikaans is so-

Y'all should watch 7de Laan, it's really fun. Idk what button they've discovered now, but I remember back when Mariaan killed... Ben I want to say, and they discovered the voice over button. And then there was the Orange is the New Black rip off season, and then I remember when they discovered the really bad greenscreen button and things started happening outside and it looked awful.

No one watches soap operas for the height of cinematography.

ELIAS Good evening, Detec— [Basira punches Elias.] BASIRA Useless, scheming piece of shit. ELIAS Detective, this is quite unnecess— [Basira continues to hurt Elias.] BASIRA I’m sorry, was that unnecessary? [Basira hits Elias once more.] BASIRA (Cont.) Because this is the most helpful you’ve been so far, unless you’ve got another crisis for me?

tbh absolutely deserved. god i love the scenes where elias has an awful time <3 it needs to happen more often.

BASIRA You always call me Detective. Is that supposed to mean something? ELIAS Honestly? I just like the way it sounds.

WHY IS HE LIKABLE? WHY IS THIS FUNNY TO ME? I JUST DONT LIKE BASIRA OR ELIAS AND THEY'RE JUST GIVING EACH OTHER MUTUAL TERRIBLE TIMES

ELIAS Will you? You’re not police anymore. You’ve done them some favours, but they’ve done you some as well, and I think you’ll find that the information that I’ve been giving to them has been far more consistently useful. You want to issue them an ultimatum? Go right ahead. I’m just not sure it’ll go quite how you hope. … And, um, no more violence, Detective, or I may have to call in the guards.

God, I hate how he turns it around, just manages to scrape himself an edge, prick. Like even in episode 200 (my beloved) he tries to get Jon to back down. It doesn't work, of course, but like, there was an attempt, there's always an attempt, I hate how he takes things in stride and always manages to come out on top, I hate that so much. Really hateable villain, he deserves to be drowned in a bucket /ref.

ARCHIVIST Can’t believe you’ve been seeing him all this time. BASIRA Oh yeah, that’s the terrible secret sabotaging the trust between us.

Ok, like, to be fair, talking with Elias did help end the world so...

BASIRA Yeah. John, we’ve been over this. The key is to not force people to feed you their trauma. You know, just don’t do it. ARCHIVIST It’s not that simple. BASIRA No, it is. Or I put you down.

Oh!

Look I was trying to find my original reaction to this, but I didn't talk about it to my partner (ily) or on my story (I believe the next one we're really digging into there is 154, because I was in fucking shambles), but I mean, I don't know exactly what I was feeling but it was probably like... shit.

Shit.

Like, I get Basira's perspective, right, but also you can't just. That's hardly proportionate and yet... isn't it? Gertrude would have done it, Adelard Dekkar would have done it, and when they do that sort of thing to monsters we hardly bat an eye, but... well, it's different, right, we know Jon.

It's like that post, about how the "monsters" were treated differently across the seasons, in season 1, Jane Prentiss is the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss, in season 2... can't really remember, I mean they were seen as more... sentient, but still evil to their very nature. In season 3 we get a separation, Jon isn't like the other monsters, Mike Crew and Jude Perry were bad people, even though they were people. And then in season 4... well, come Scrutiny, we've realized that oh fuck, there is no separation, and we can view all the monsters as irredeemable and bad but... Jon's not irredeemable, he tries. So, what about all those other monsters. And in 152 we get it, how different is Jon from Jane Prentiss? Not really different at all. The season 5 comes along and none of the characters we're following are on the watched/human/victim side of the line, and the line wasn't really real back then.

Podded cast <3

ARCHIVIST (Mutters) I mean, that’s hardly… BASIRA Daisy’s been managing. ARCHIVIST Daisy is… Yeah, she’s managing.

Wow, why's Daisy managing better than Jon, it's not like she has the support of Basira, Jon, and presumably Daisy to help her, no it's just that she's fundamentally better /s.

Like, you can't expect someone to change for the better if you're only getting angry at them, if you treat someone like a monster, like they're going to fuck up all the time, then they're going to fuck up all the time.

ARCHIVIST Haven’t really been trying. Doing that sort of thing consciously … makes me hungry. BASIRA Oh, well then, find a statement to your tastes and read it. ARCHIVIST Yes, yes, I know. Thank you.

I had a little conversation with Japleeejay a while back so I'm just gonna put that here, inc his reactions in brackets because they're funny.

Also, I'm thinking about jon tma (🤯) And yk about my interpretation of his character which is the only correct one /hj (💙) And about how it's like his self esteem is shit, but that's when he's alone right? He's going to stand up for himself when other people are talking shit about him, but he's also going to internalize it and ruminate on it when he's alone? (‼️) Like uhh. He's obviously really guilty about what he's doing to his victims, but when they confront him about it, and in MAG 141 and MAG 148, he's defensive about it It's like it's not a binary thing right And if I may just like bring myself into it for a second because half of my jon thoughts are actual analysis and the other half is projection But like uhh the whole thing i had going on with the adhd, like I was fiercely proud of being adhd, and like i'd get angry at people for being ableist and stuff, but i also sort of... believed them? it's like, you can have contradictory feelings and emotions (‼️) And it's like it's different if you're saying it to yourself and someone [is] saying it to you? Like at least my immediate reaction to someone getting angry at me whether justified or not is to get angry back, and then yk i calm down and either don't think they're right or do, right? And it's like, Jon gets angry when people get angry at him, he gets defensive, and then he dwells on it a lot, right? Basicallly Um - Fanfic authors are doing it wrong i'm the only one doing it right - he's not. he's not like. yeah sometimes sure he's like that. he'll take it lying down sometimes - ^ especially when helen's saying something to him because she knows how to get under their skin - but like it's not a constant thing - hhhh idk how to describe it (💙)

(27 January, 2023)

ARCHIVIST I've been meaning to ask. The tape, the one of the, uh… my victim. You said Martin gave it to you? BASIRA Yeah. ARCHIVIST How was he? H-how did he look? Was he, uh…? BASIRA I don’t know. I didn’t see him. He just left it on my desk with a note. ARCHIVIST Oh, right. BASIRA Yeah. ARCHIVIST Can I ask what it said? BASIRA Um, yeah. It said, “Talk to him.” (The Archivist laughs bitterly.)

GOD THE PINING JUST GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT AND MAKE OUT FOR CHRISTS SAKE HHHH

I can't take this, I can't take 12 more episodes of this I can't.

Statement of Sunil Maraj, regarding their work as a security guard and the disappearance of their co-worker Samson Stiller.

OH YAY! They use he/they, that's lovely! I think I may have pointed this out a while back.

Someone had even put their name in the front, like they were afraid people were going to steal their manky instruction book.

Oh No

tbh i dont think i really paid attention much on my first listen but just like-

Oh No. it's a leitner.

Cos I saw some of the pages over his shoulder, and on one of them, there was … There was a picture of me, like a black and white photo of my face.

OH SPOOKY!

It was one of the old CRT sets, big and bulky, and the picture on it was never that clear, but for a moment, it looked like it was me on there, staring right back at myself as the screens slowly went black, getting closer and closer. The face on the monitor looked absolutely terrified, and I was starting to feel it myself. So, I just tried to smile, told him not to worry about it, and I headed out as quick as I could. My legs were shaking so hard I almost fell on the way out.

Don't know what to say just... spooky.

One time, when no-one in the store was looking, I threw a can of deodorant at one of them, hit it square on. Samson wore sunglasses for the next two days, and when I caught a glimpse of him without them, there was a crack, right down the centre of his eye.

Ohhh that's such a cool image also so spooky!!

I wanted to know why Samson hadn’t signed out of the building before he disappeared, why no matter who tried to reset the system, it always logged back in as him. Or why, whenever I was watching the monitors alone, I’d see him on that old CRT screen, staring right back at me, quietly calling for me to join him.

OH WOW THAT'S-

wow

Does reading a statement of the Ceaseless Watcher count as a sort of auto-cannibalism, I wonder?

He's started calling in the Ceaseless Watcher, not The Eye anymore.

Hmm. Feels more... reverential? In a way? I dunno. Need to compile a list of what people call the fears. I know Jon used to call it The Eye or The Beholding, I thought he switched to calling it the Ceaseless Watcher in season 4, but apparently not.

I honestly don’t care if Mr Maraj was chased down and consumed by his voyeuristic former friend, or if he has forgotten the whole affair, living in blissful ignorance. I just find my mind already wandering to the next statement, and the hopes that it won’t be quite as stale.

Is that a turning point? It feels like a turning point, but then again it just feels like he's already crossed that line, and there was no turning point, just an unstoppable march forwards.

Hm.