#*me subtly dropping hints that he needs to move so i can vacuum* *he does not move*

[justanotherhomelessromantic]

despite my father's best efforts, the house is clean. 😌

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 13: “How Have You Been, My Brother?”

In this week’s episode of Fruits Basket, we find out that Ayame is a bottom :)

Seriously though, I ended up being exactly as ‘meh’ toward this episode as I knew I would be, but I still have stuff to say about it.

Thoughts under the cut.

To start off with, this episode adapted chapters 21 and 22, same as what episode 14 of the 2001 anime did, although I think the 2001 anime cut out a handful of scenes from these chapters. One way or another I’m pretty sure this is one of those times where there’s barely any differences at all between the two adaptations, since they’re both roughly 1:1 adaptations of the same material. Soon enough there’ll be more episodes that cover stuff that wasn’t in the 2001 anime at all, though, so that’ll be fun. If I remember right, I think the leak we got of the outline for most of season 1 of the reboot indicated that we’ll be getting Uo’s backstory in a few weeks, which was only vaguely touched on in the 2001 anime.

It makes sense that this episode just adapted those two chapters that make up Ayame’s introduction, but I’d been wondering for a while if they might find a way to incorporate chapter 36 [the one where we actually see his clothing store] into this, if only to edit things down a bit. But considering how long it seems like the reboot’s going to be, it makes sense that they probably didn’t feel a need to make that sort of edit. We’ll see how it goes, but I think that part might be adapted around the very start of season 2, at this rate. I guess we’ll see.

I said last time that for the time being we’re basically alternating between heavy and light episodes, and this is definitely one of the more outright comedic episodes of the reboot thus far. Which is part of why I ended up being kinda ‘meh’ about it. I think the comedy just doesn’t work quite as well in the reboot as the drama, but honestly it’s more that I just don’t really like Ayame as a character, and his specific brand of flamboyant comedy.

Not to be all Discoursey on Main [tm] for the billionth time about something in this series, but ever since I read the manga for the first time I’ve just always been super put off by the whole running joke with him and Shigure where we’re apparently meant to just laugh at the hypothetical idea of them being in a relationship, and that’s . . . the entire joke. That’s all there is to it. They say some sexually suggestive stuff to each other in front of the other characters that they’d only seriously say if they were dating, and then everyone gets mad at them. Rinse and repeat. Let’s just say that I think this would be a lot less off-putting if there were any actual examples of, y’know, ACTUAL gay relationships in this series, at all, so that you could actually take this running gag in a vacuum as just being about Ayame and Shigure’s sense of humor together. But when it’s the only time when the story even vaguely acknowledges the concept of gay relationships, it’s not a very good look to expect the audience to laugh at it every time.

Which also extends to the whole high-school flashback with Ayame talking about being a bottom and wanting all the boys at school to just have sex with him if they need to.

It just feels like a whole string of humor done *at the expense of* gay people, so I’ve just never liked it.

It doesn’t help that even though near the end of this episode we learn about how much Ayame likes Hatori and how it’s like the big thing that finally makes Yuki start to respect him as a person, it never exactly gets explored or developed, aside from a few more jokes about how Hatori’s the only person Ayame listens to. And then there’s a whole other aspect of Ayame’s character that hasn’t come up yet that I’ll get into when it does.

Aside from all that, I don’t even know if there’s much more to even say about this episode, since like 90% of it is just jokes involving Ayame, lol. It’s not exactly the most eventful episode ever.

We do get some more hints at what Yuki’s childhood was like, though, by hearing Ayame talk about how he has basically abandoned Yuki every step of the way, and is now trying to repent for that. The part where he casually dropped the line of Yuki being ‘quarantined, partly because he was sickly’ does a whole lot to subtly foreshadow the whole nature of exactly what Yuki’s childhood was like, and what sort of connection he has with Akito.

I also do still like the whole conversation he has with Tohru about wanting to repent for his past mistakes because he has a clearer understanding of these sorts of things now that he’s older. It’s not something I 100% relate to because I’ve always been the younger sibling within my family, but it’s one of the points where I do respect Ayame for who he is, and I think he serves a pretty important role in the story when it comes to Yuki’s backstory and development.

Tohru’s whole scene of talking about her mother’s philosophy of holding onto the memory of your childhood self so that you can properly empathize with children even when you’re an adult is also super good, and is the sort of thing I wish more people took to heart. Even though everyone’s been a child at some point, a lot of people willfully abandon their memory of what it was actually like to be a child, in the pursuit of maturity and independence, and that can often lead to parents not understanding their children even though they really should be able to.

Also, the whole background detail of Haru noticing that Ayame came to visit Yuki, and him arranging to have Hatori intervene so that Yuki doesn’t have to deal with him for too long, is still super cute. The little moment of him excitedly clutching Yuki’s shirt and then smiling at him is one of those moments where you really remember that Haru’s still just a young teenage boy [who I will PROTECT with my LIFE]

Anyway, it looks like the next episode will cover Momiji’s backstory and presumably the grave visit chapter, which I think everyone who read the manga, or even who watched the 2001 anime, could guess, since those parts come straight after this one. And going along with the whole pattern we have going on, after this episode was super fun and comedic, the next one’s gonna be super depressing, lol.

It’s also worth noting that we’ll be officially moving into the second cour of this first season with the next episode, so I’m wondering if we’ll get a new set of OP and ED themes to go along with it, or if we’ll just keep the current ones until the end of the season. The fact that they haven’t announced anything about it, as far as I can tell, makes me think they’ll just keep the same OP and ED for now. Which is fine. I’m a big fan of the current ones, so having them stick around for another 12-ish episodes is fine by me.

[boschlingtumbles]

White Wedding Ch 23

In Robert’s experience, most things just sort of worked out if you left them alone for long enough.

Maybe Ned would come along (“Hey buddy, let me help you with that”) or Cersei (“Really, Robert, it’s not like it’s hard”) or Jon Arryn (“I don’t care if your father said you could, you have a concussion and you’re not playing tomorrow”).

So it was unfortunate that this engagement party was proving to be the exception to the rule.

That in and of itself was odd. Robert loved parties! Especially parties that Tywin Lannister had to pay for! Plus there was the added bonus of standing across from the man in the relative safety of a public setting and just slowly, subtly twisting the knife.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my days with Cersei,” he confided loudly to Hoster Tully. “But it’s the nights I’m really excited for.”

Okay, he didn’t really do subtle. Still, the death glare from Tywin warmed the cockles of his heart.

“Your bride’s coming toward us,” Rickard Stark noted. 

“Wait till you see her walking away,” Robert winked, and behind Rickard’s left shoulder, Tywin Lannister started turning purple. Robert wondered if he could get him to have a heart attack in the greeting line. 

Then the helicopter landed and Robert had the first inklings that this party might be a bit different.

The thing about his mom was that she cared first and foremost about appearances. And the thing about his dad was that he cared first and foremost about having a good time. They were just the kind of people who probably shouldn’t have been parents, but his mom wanted to have the picture perfect family and had instead ended up with three boys that she’d had very little interest in.

Robert knew it drove Stannis crazy. The injustice of it, the unfairness. He knew it drove Renly crazy, the vacuum where love and attention should have been. It wasn’t Robert’s fault that it bothered him less. Literally everything bothered him less. Cersei said it was because he was emotionally stunted, whatever that meant. Probably something good, because she’d said it in an admiring tone of voice.

He’d mostly been worried that Stannis would get mad at him. He had always been his parents’ favorite. Maybe as a result of the whole not giving a shit that they were terrible parents thing. But that was super not his fault, and he didn’t need Stannis going into a sulk and ruining the whole night. Only he managed to navigate pacifying his parents without pissing off his brother, and as Stannis strode off, bent on righteous retribution, Robert slowly let his shoulders drop and released the breath he’d been holding.

It kind of seemed to him that Cersei would be pleased he had handled this so deftly. Would engagement sex be back on the table? He certainly thought it should be. He excused himself from a conversation with his father and Samwyle Tarly to go ask.

He found her talking to that weedy guy that hung around the Tully sisters all the time. 

“Have I mentioned that you look breathtaking,” Robert came up behind Cersei to whisper in her ear. Over her shoulder, he raised an eyebrow at the guy... Baelor? That sounded right. Baelor got the hint and promptly scarpered. 

“Robert, not now, I’m busy,” Cersei turned over her shoulder to look at him. From somewhere, the flash bulb of a camera went off.

Knowing that they were under public scrutiny and therefore there was little Cersei could to do to stop him, Robert took her hand and spun her into him, so she was pressed up against his chest. Another flash went off somewhere.

“Dad’s taken care of. Tywin as good as. Stannis is handling Jaim... the Jamison. We’re out of Jamison,” Robert recovered, barely missing a beat. 

“That useless tramp! She said the bar was stocked!” Cersei clenched a fist. 

“Well we’re taking care of it,” Robert took the fist and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “It’s going to be fine. Let’s just relax and find somewhere nice and quiet to...”

“Relax?! RELAX?!” Cersei growled. When another camera went off, she dropped her voice into an angry whisper. “Robert, Petyr Baelish just told me...”

Baelish! That was it! He’d been pretty close with Baelor. 

“and everything will be ruined!” Cersei was finishing up as Robert tuned back in. She stared at him, waiting for some kind of reaction. Shit.

“Well just tell me what I can do?” Robert tried. She narrowed her eyes, and he hoped he hadn’t miscalculated. That response usually worked.

“Find someone who can fly a helicopter,” she hissed. Then she stood on tiptoe to place a chaste kiss on his cheek and waltzed off as everybody applauded.

Robert was left standing there a little stymied. Engagement sex was on hold until he could find someone to fly a helicopter?!

He wondered if this was something Ned could help with.

Where was Ned?

He knew Hoster Tully had been giving Ned a hard time since he’d married Cat... he’d offered to talk to the man on Ned’s behalf, but Ned had gotten a little squirrely about it. Like he thought Robert would mess things up more, but didn’t want to say so. Which was ridiculous. If the last hour had proved anything, it was that Robert was great at this kind of stuff. 

Case in point—Ned has been pigeonholed by Walder Frey, the man’s bony arm on his shoulder preventing escape.

Robert strode up and put his own arm around Ned.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding! Pardon me, Walder, I’ve got to talk to my best man here about his duties! He’s arranging my stag party you know,” Robert winked. Walder gave an appreciative guffaw.

“It’s only going to be the BEST STAG EVER!” Robert beamed, giving Ned a little shake. Ned mustered a weak smile.

“Nothing wrong with boys being boys, that’s what I always say,” Walder said heartily. “Now Ned, remember what I said about my daughter Tyta!”

Robert raised one hand in a backward wave as he walked Ned away.

“Never under any circumstances get into a room with Tyta Frey,” he snorted. “She’s got more of a mustache than half her brothers.”

“Robert,” Ned mumbled, in a tepid attempt to sound reproving.

“Oh you prefer mustaches? Poor Cat, does she know? Does Oberyn?”

Ned gave him a significantly less tepid shove and Robert laughed, pleased to have jolted him out of whatever mood he was in.

“Walder heard my marriage is on the rocks. He wanted to set me up,” Ned confided.

“With his own daughter? That man is shameless!” Robert shook his head in commiseration.

“It’s Hoster Tully! He’s going around telling everybody that Cat wants a divorce, and Cat’s so stressed as it is, I don’t want to put more on her. But I’m really losing my head over this!”

“Okay, calm down,” Robert sighed. “Is there any chance you can fly a helicopter?”

Ned raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not sure I’ve reached fleeing the party in your parents’ chopper, Robert, but I appreciate the problem solving,” he said drily.

“Problem solving for myself. I need to get it off the lawn. Can you?”

“Of course not! Where on earth would I have learned?!”

“I was just asking! Okay, you sit right here on this bar stool,” Robert deposited his charge, “and don’t move a muscle. Drinks are on me.”

“Drinks are on Tywin Lannister.”

“All the more reason to drink up,” Robert smirked. Ned just buried his head in his arms.

Okay, he needed to find someone to fly a helicopter and something to help Ned.

It seemed to him, seeing as Cersei and Ned had only saddled him with MORE problems, that the person to talk to was Jon Arryn.

Jon was tall, with graying blond hair, blue eyes and a rather beaky nose. He was their fathers’ age, but had no children of his own. He’d had a wife once but she had died, and it had been hard for him to move on. He’d been Robert and Ned’s pee wee football coach and later their teacher and had kind of adopted them. 

So of course Jon Arryn put down his glass and excused himself from talking to Olenna Tyrell the moment he saw Robert.

“My boy!” He ruffled Robert’s hair. “Getting married?! What’s happening, I’m getting old!”

“You were always old,” Robert swatted him off.

“Careful Baratheon, I’m not too old to make you run sprints!”

Robert rolled his eyes and downed his beer in one go, before letting out an enormous burp.

“My life is running sprints. You’d better come up with a new punishment.”

“I’ll make you finally turn in that essay on Wuthering Heights you owe me from senior year,” Jon Arryn teased.

Robert gave a mock shudder that was perhaps just a teensy bit real.

“How about instead you make your buddy Hoster back off of Ned? He’s driving him crazy!”

Jon Arryn winced.

“I did my duty on that already. I escorted Cat all over that sandbar they called an island. And her sister too. Speaking of which...” Jon paused, uncertainly. Robert tilted his head. He’d never know his father figure/coach/teacher/mentor to be shy.

“Well, what do you think about Lysa Tully?” Jon asked finally, his ears turning just the faintest shade of pink.

Mother have mercy. Jon Arryn, his Jon Arryn, was a dog!

“I think she’s half your age!” Robert elbowed him, unable to stop the delighted smile that was spreading across his face. Jon who force fed him dusty books about men with estates and women with fans, Jon who pined after his dearly departed childhood love, his Jon Arryn was a total scoundrel!

“She is twenty-one!” Jon stammered, seeming much younger than the man who had once torn him a new one for hiding under the bleachers during cheerleader tryouts.

“And you’re... sixty?” 

“I am forty-five! Gods Robert, I’m not ancient!”

He kind of was. At least in Robert’s head.

“I am proud of you,” Robert slung his arm around the man’s shoulders. “Now what do you need advice on? Is unclasping bras? It’s just practice Jon. I know they probably didn’t have bras back when you were a kid and dragons roamed the earth but...”

“Robert, if you don’t shut up this instant, I’ll tell Hoster Tully who mooned him from the eighteenth hole when he was teeing off for the club championship,” Jon growled.

Robert chortled at the memory. Good times.

“Fine, little Lysa Tully. Little sweet de-lect-able Lysa Tully...”

“Robert!”

“You’re no fun. What do you want to know?”

“Is she single? Does she date? What kind of man is she looking for? Is age an issue? What kind of books does she read?” Jon Arryn asked expectantly.

Robert blinked. He knew the answers to exactly zero of those questions. Kidding aside, Lysa was just Cat’s sister. A little annoying and shrill, kind of a tag along. Cat adored her though, so she couldn’t be all bad. 

“You don’t know do you?” Jon sighed.

“Nope,” Robert admitted. “But I can find out for you. 

“Okay,” Jon looked hesitant. “Just... maybe don’t mention the book thing. I don’t want her to think of me as her teacher.”

“Why not?” Robert grinned. “You bring the ruler, she brings a short skirt and some knee socks...”

“ROBERT!”

The more he thought about it, the more he felt like getting laid would do Jon Arryn some good.

“Look, if you must mention something, you can tell her that I was in the Air Force. Or that I...”

“Wait, you were in the Air Force?!”

“Yes, for ten years. I’ve told you this Robert, you know—“

“Can you fly a helicopter?!”

It was a miracle. Jon Arryn, HIS Jon Arryn, could fly a helicopter. And he’d promised to talk to Ned. All Robert had to do was talk to Lysa.

He found her naturally with Cat.

“Ladies,” he waggled his eyebrows at them.

“Please,” Catelyn rolled her eyes but looked amused. Lysa giggled.

“I’ve missed you while you’ve been away! Ned’s no fun without you Cat, you have to move to Oldtown immediately,” Robert sighed. 

Catelyn rolled her eyes but looked amused. Lysa giggled.

“And Lysa!” He turned his best charming smile on her. The giggling increased. “What’s new with you?”

“Excuse me Robert, I need a refill. Ned and I are so so happy for you,” Catelyn squeezed his hand and bowed out of the conversation gracefully.

“She shouldn’t even be drinking, not while she’s breast-feeding,” Lysa’s face darkened for a second.

“Hnn,” Robert said, briefly distracted by the thought of breast feeding. And breasts. He wondered what Cersei would look like breast feeding...

“...and then he just left me here!” Lysa finished what had been apparently an in depth recounting of her day. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for some kind of reaction. Shit. Why did this keep happening to him?!

“So are you single?” Robert asked after a beat. Because only Cersei got the what-can-I-do-for-you-your-majesty treatment. “Asking for a friend,” he added hastily when that seemed to potentially trigger another giggle fit.

“Of course not, I just told you I’m with Petyr,” Lysa smiled at him. “But he really is too rude! He just left me by himself! He’s my plus one you know, he didn’t even get his own invite...”

“Sounds like you need someone more mature,” Robert said smoothly. Gods he was a great wingman.

“That’s what I was just telling Cat! I have options you know, if Petyr thinks he can just disappear on me, I happen to know a very dashing older man who...”

“You know what you should really do,” Robert said in a conspiratorial tone of voice, cutting off her monologue because he could tell it was going to be boring. “Disappear on Petyr.”

“Hmm?” Lysa looked intrigued.

“You know, if you asked, my good buddy Jon Arryn over there would give you a ride in that helicopter. You could see the sunset over King’s Landing from a mile up!” 

“Jon Arryn? What that was—“

“And Petyr will have no idea where you are! And wait till people tell him you left in a helicopter with some other guy!”

“You know what?” Lysa downed her glass of Sauvignon. “That is an excellent idea.”

She turned to go. Was he forgetting anything? Oh right!

“HE WAS IN THE AIR FORCE!” He shouted after her.

Robert watched her walk over to Jon Arryn proudly. There. He’d done that. Zero to sixty after a thirty second pep talk. He wondered if they gave awards for the very best wingmen.

Okay, so now he just needed to go sit with Ned and make sure he didn’t do anything silly until Jon got back. 

Robert fairly swaggered back to the bar, ready to catch up Ned on the best gossip of all time (Jon Arryn and LYSA?!?!) and his amazing intervention to save the day. But the bar had nary a Stark in sight.

Huh. Odd. Oh well, he was sure Ned had found someone to offer advice and lend support. Who didn’t like Ned Stark?! Ned was probably doing just fine.

Now that the helicopter had lifted off, Robert decided to check back in with Cersei about that engagement party sex.

He found her with Tyrion and Renly.

“Halfway through dinner, I want you to tell father that Steffon was hoping to have a drink with him in the library in private,” she was instructing Tyrion. She turned to Renly, “And once you see father leave, I want YOU to tell your father that Tywin Lannister was hoping to speak with him in the library.”

“Hey Robert,” Renly lifted a hand in greeting. Robert gave him the traditional Baratheon headlock hello.

“Guess what?” Tyrion asked, as Renly squirmed, trying to break free of Robert’s grip.

“What?” Robert said, finally releasing his youngest brother, who promptly pulled out a comb and set to work fixing the damage.

“I lost my virginity!”

“NICE!”

Robert thumped Tyrion on the back and only Cersei’s quick reflexes kept him from a face plant.

“And I’m in love!”

Robert raised an eyebrow at Cersei, who looked like she had bitten into a lemon.

“Speaking of being in love and expressing that love...”

Renly made a gagging noise and Robert punched him.

“OW!”

“Robert, we’ve set everything up. Father is going to go to the library thinking Steffon wants to have a drink with him. Steffon will go to the library thinking father has something to say. He’ll get there, father will have poured the Scotch for him, Steffon will take that as an apology, and be conciliatory and father will take THAT as an apology. All I need you to do is wait twenty minutes after your father leaves the table and check in on them,” Cersei rattled off. Was it just Robert or did she seem a little stressed?

“Okay, will do,” he said, wondering if engagement party sex had to wait until after that. He tentatively put his arm around Cersei’s waist and she shrugged him off. Yeah, probably had to wait.

He and Ren walked back to the courtyard where the tables were set up and mingled with the guests until dinner was announced. As he sat down with his parents and his brothers, he cast a forlorn look at the table where most of his friends were seated. Then he looked over to the Tully table to commiserate with Ned. 

Hoster Tully and Ned were having a heated conversation, as Edmure, Edmure’s date, Lysa and Baelor looked on with interest. Oh dear. Where was Cat when you needed her?! Robert walked over and plopped himself down on the empty chair between them.

“How’s it going?” He asked cheerfully. “Everyone enjoying the filet mignon?”

His presence managed to keep things on a low simmer, which was great until he saw Renly frantically waving at him. He looked over to his father’s seat which was... empty.

Shit. Shitshitshit. How long had he been gone? Had it been twenty minutes? It seemed like more judging from Renly’s level of frantic and Stannis’ level of flower. 

“Um I need to go,” Robert stood up abruptly, interrupting one of Edmure’s fly fishing stories.

“But...” Ned looked pale.

“I’m sure Cat will be here any minute,” Robert offered, feeling bad for leaving Ned in the lurch. But... engagement party sex! Oh, and not letting his father get murdered by Tywin Lannister. That too.

“Where is my daughter anyway?” Hoster huffed.

Robert missed the end of that conversation because he was power walking to the library. And then jogging. And then running.

He was just taking the corner at a slide, fully prepared to tackle Tywin to the ground if things had gotten violent, when Jaime Lannister suddenly grabbed him.

“Whoah!” Jaime hissed. “They are by some miracle getting along.”

How had he gotten out of whatever trap Stannis had set? Ugh Stannis was seriously off his game lately. He realized Jaime had stopped talking and was staring at him. Why did this keep happening?!

Fortunately, Jaime at least did not wait for a response.

“Nobody is in trouble. Don’t go into the library or you’ll ruin it.”

Oh. Great. He was much better at not doing things than doing things. UNLESS... this was a trap! Because Jaime hated him! 

“Why should I listen to you?! You’ve done nothing but try to sabotage this wedding from the beginning!”

“Yes but... I was wrong,” Jaime mumbled.

Robert waited for the sarcastic shoe to drop. In his experience, most of what Jaime Lannister said was sarcasm. But nothing happened. They just stood there staring at each other really awkwardly. Gods... was this real?

“Didn’t catch that,” Robert said, because if it was real, he definitely wanted to savor this moment. 

“I have spoken to my sister. I think, for quite unfathomable reasons, she might actually like you. So… you know. I’m done trying to mess things up for you. And for what it’s worth, if we’re going to be family, we’re going to be family,” Jaime managed to get out, looking more uncomfortable by the second.

Awww that was nice! And look at him standing there all awkward! Robert pulled him into a big Baratheon bear hug. He wasn’t so bad! And he should definitely come to the stag party. A good way to bury the hatchet and put all of this ugliness behind them. A gasping sound alerted him to the fact that he might be crushing his newest family member.

Robert gently released him back to the wild. But not without extracting a promise that Jaime was in for Dorne. Now back to Cersei to see about that engagement party sex...

“Robert!!!” Ned came skidding around the corner. “Help me!!!!”

“Yikes, not in there,” Robert caught him before he could go crashing into the library. “In here,” Robert pushed a door open at random. It turned out to be a small bathroom. 

Ned half collapsed on the toilet looking ashen.

“Would you have said that Hoster Tully was a bully who would respond to confrontation by crumbling like cheese?” He asked after a beat.

Robert considered. Hoster still harbored a grudge against that mysterious individual who had mooned him in the final round of the club championship ten years ago. He seemed more like the kind of person who nursed vindictive fury for a very long time, allowing it to distill into unstoppable rage.

“Not really,” Robert said. Ned’s shoulders slumped still further, if possible.

“What happened?” Robert asked.

“I might have accused Hoster Tully of destroying my marriage. And then he accused me of destroying his daughter’s life. And then I might have... popped him?”

“Popped him?”

“In the nose.”

“Ah.” Robert sat down against the door. Because really, what do you say to someone who has just punched their father in law in the nose?

“Any blood?”

“Heaps.”

Another pause.

“Does Cat—?”

“No. Not yet anyway.”

And then they heard the scream. It sounded as if it came from beyond the grave. Ned grabbed Robert’s hand.

“Now she knows.”

“Do you think maybe you should leave?” Robert asked tentatively.

Ned gulped.

“That might be for the best.”

“Give tempers time to cool down.”

“Not cause more of a scene than I already have.”

Robert sighed and fished out his car keys, tossing them to Ned.

“If I see Cat, what should I tell her?”

“That I’ve gone back to my parents’ house,” Ned said slowly. Then he looked up.

“And that I am so SO very sorry,” he said finally.

“It’s going to be okay,” Robert tried to comfort him.

“Is it?” Ned said hollowly.

Robert shrugged. Ned gave a dry dark laugh.

“Well up you go,” Robert said, struggling to his own feet and pushing open the window. “At least we’re on the ground floor. Just think, you might have to jump for it!”

Ned only gave him a forlorn wave as he clambered out the window and vanished into the night.

“I know he’s sorry Robert,” Cat said immediately when he found her. 

“I just... ARG!” She thudded her head against Robert’s shoulder dolefully. 

“Your dad is an ass,” Robert huffed.

“I know! But Ned has made a royal mess of things. HE PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE!”

“He had it coming.”

“Violence is not the answer, Robert,” Catelyn scolded. But false. Violence was often the answer. Just maybe not here. “Look... can he stay with you in Oldtown a while longer? I just need some time to process this. And have a long talk with my father. That it would be better if Ned weren’t there for because they really do bring out the worst in each other. The stag and hen parties are next weekend anyway.”

“Of course.”

“Okay... tell him I love him. And also that I want to kill him. But mostly that I love him.”

Robert saluted and Cat gave a weak smile of acknowledgment.

They would be fine. They always were. He hoped he and Cersei were like that someday. Oof, Cersei. She was not going to happy about this. Engagement sex was probably off indefinitely.

With a sigh, Robert began trudging back to the courtyard.

And then it happened.

A door swung open, and Cersei pulled him through.

Robert staggered into what appeared to be some kind of mechanical room.

“Hi Qu—mmmph,” he said less than articulately as he was cut off by her pulling him into a deep kiss.

Did she not know yet? What were the moral and ethical ramifications if he just say, didn’t tell her?

Robert automatically was unhooking the clasps at the back of her dress, letting his fingers trace down her spine as Cersei started fumbling with his belt.

What were the physical ramifications if say, she found out he didn’t tell her?

With a sigh he caught her hands as they started to unzip him.

“Ned punched Hoster Tully in the face in front of all of your dinner guests,” Robert told her bluntly. There, like ripping off a bandaid.

“I don’t care,” Cersei laughed, and pulled his pants and briefs down in one go. 

“You don’t?” Robert said uncertainly, ever as she stepped over the puddle of clothing to stand between his legs.

“Not at all,” she breathed as he picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist, and he pressed her against the wall. 

“We’ll miss the fireworks,” Robert panted at some point, senses fogged by the tang of her sweat and perfume, and her blonde hair wrapped around his hand, the expression of her face as he thrust deeper.

“Fuck the fireworks,” Cersei managed and then she bit his shoulder so she wouldn’t cry out.

“Fuck the fireworks,” Robert said agreeably after, as they lay in a nest of their abandoned clothing. He pulled his jacket over them both.

“Robby,” Cersei purred, and she only ever called him that when she was truly and deliriously happy.

“Hnn?” Robert asked sleepily. He looked down to see her face on his chest tilted up at him—the enormous green eyes looking almost soft in the dim light.

“Robby, we got Vogue.”

Like he always said, things just seemed to work out.