This is why you don't sleep with the Tyrant King - The consequence is children
Constantine avoids involvement with the Infinite Realms for two reasons.
Who wants to deal with all those Ancients in the first place?
He’s avoiding yet another unhinged ex of his.
Of course, hooking up with Pariah Dark wasn’t really an actual relationship, more like a one night stand via dream walking (Nocturn owed Pariah, but seeing as it would be insane to release the Tyrant King from his endless sleep, he’d give him a dream partner every couple centuries) - regardless, Constantine doesn’t want to deal with that.
So yeah - the fact that the Justice League is attempting to summon the High King into the Watchtower has him wanting to drink more than usual.
Of course he gave warnings, but they’re dead set on doing so. A green folder had appeared in the secure “cursed artifacts” vault with no trace of whoever left it there. How else were they gonna find out how it got there?
So Constantine’s stuck there to set up wards, and is trying to find his way out of this one.
When the summoning circle worked, no one expected the teenager to pop out of it.
Instead of Pariah Dark, or even the sarcophagus showing up, there was a white haired ghost boy with glowing green eyes the same color as the flames of the Crown of Fire. Except he didn’t look exactly like the others ghosts. He had a human skin tone, his proportions were exactly like a human teenager’s, and he was wearing a black and white hoodie with black sweatpants, for God’s sake.
… Were ghosts able to reproduce with humans?
Before any of the Justice League can get into questioning, Constantine speaks up:
“You’re not the Ghost King.”
Green eyes settle on him, lighting up with recognition - Danny knows exactly who this is, with the amount of complaints on his desk about the blonde. Clockwork also informed him (he didn’t want to know but now he does) of the man’s stint with Pariah.
Daniel “Commit to the bit” Fenton chooses to do just that.
“Of course not,” The confusion crosses the face of the heroes present- “That’s just because I haven’t had my coronation yet! I’m the Crown Prince, it’s practically the same thing!”
Oh, and the dread and realization crossing Constantine’s face is almost enough to make his core purr in amusement.
“Now I will gladly answer all your questions, but first!” His eyes swept over the heroes before raising his hand and pointing accusingly at the British warlock.
“John Constantine,” his voice boomed, the temperature of the meeting room dropping as his face stretched with a smile too big and too pointy, “You owe me fifteen years of child support.”
“Grandmother is visiting,” Damian suddenly said with no warning and with his usual not-quite demanding tone.
“Who?” Tim wasn’t the only one to startle, seeing as Bruce had practically froze, a downturn to his lips in a silent show of confusion.
Damian scowled. “Are you deaf Drake? Grandmother is coming to Gotham to, quote, make sure I am being properly cared for.” None of them had known that Ras was with anyone actually. At least Tim was pretty sure that would have been in the files.
“Oh?” Dick didn’t quite crouch to Damian’s height but it was a near thing. “She-” “He,” Damian corrected, interrupting him. They all exchanged a glance before Dick continued.
“Is he coming to the Manor or…”
Damian scoffed again, a tiny bit of a flush against his face. “No, Grandmother will most likely be staying with Akhi-”
Shy, whiny, subby boys who look at you like you're the world to them, rutting their hips into your palm as you jerk them off and watch them twitch while you praise them for how good they feel cumming on your hand like a good boy
"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."
"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.
"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.
"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"
"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.
"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."
"This is where I live."
"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"
"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"
"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."
"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."
"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."
"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"
"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"
"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"
"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"
"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"
"Please, call me Bruce."
"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."
Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.
"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."
the thing about phil inviting dan up on stage at the boncas is THE running joke of that show was how dan and phil are attached at the hip. jack and conor maynard who were hosting and some of the award presenters all kept making quips about it because the majority of the (oh so many) videos that were nominated were joint content. hell even dan and phil were in on it, phil kept "accidentally" walking out on stage "looking for the bathroom" as part of their setup for the internet is here performance at the end and then dan would walk in after him because lol ex dee of course they're going to piss together
and idk to me that all makes the gesture hit so much harder. everyone spent the entire show going lol dan and phil can't spend a second apart and then phil so painfully earnestly goes actually? yeah. all jokes aside we really are attached at the hip and i love that and i want it to stay that way and it wouldn't feel right to accept this award without dan, so i'd like to share this with him as well
Eddie during a Q&A where he specially asked his fans to ask him questions about his marriage: Oh, just saw the question who proposed to who and-
Steve, loudly off-camera: I proposed to him and he said no!
Eddie: …first of all, you couldn’t even get gay married at the time. And second, I said no because I-
Steve: He said no because he wanted to propose to me and then DIDN’T
Eddie: I did!
Steve: A year later.
Eddie: I had to plan! I had to prep! I wasn’t going to halfass our gay fake wedding!
Eddie: And, just for your information, internet! He’s complaining and he’s making me look bad but do you know what he did? Do you know what he did the next day? I put together this beautiful ceremony with all our friends and family and you know what he did the very next day?
Eddie: He went to the courthouse and married a woman!