#*except you bastards evil booping me.

[destinyandcoins]

lots of love given and received* 😌

[titanicsimp]

Hello! If it's ok, can I please request canonverse hcs for Zeke, (post-s4) Reiner, Colt, Porco, and Erwin as new dads? S/o is also a fellow Warrior/Scout and so they encourage the dad to spend time with their newborn as their time is limited. How would they care and coddle for their respective little beans? I just want fluff amongst all the angst the current season is handing out by the bucket >< Thanks!

This is such a cute idea. Writing it made me all soft 🥺🥺

Headcanons of Zeke, Reiner, Colt, Porco, & Erwin as new dads.

CW: None

Zeke was not planning on having a child. He never saw himself as the type that could be a father, he had barely had one himself growing up. But, when his child was born, everything changed. As soon as your baby reached up it’s little hands and grabbed at his beard, he knew he could do this. He would give this child everything he missed growing up.

He’s scared to hold the baby for more than a few minutes at first. What if they start crying or he doesn’t hold them right? Only after reassuring him multiple times that he’s doing fine will he keep the baby in his arms.

The thought that he might mess up terrifies him, so he goes to his grandmother to ask for help. He wants to know all about what’s best for babies, and how he can improve so he can be a good father.

Only you and him can hold the baby, no exceptions. Others, including family, can look at the baby but he doesn’t trust anybody else with holding it.

When both of you are forced to leave the baby for warrior duties, he’s besides himself with worry. What if something happens? What if someone hurts his child? As soon as the two of you get back from your mission you go to get your baby. As you hold your child, he’ll hug you both, pressing a kiss to their little head.

Zeke takes the baby to meetings. He’ll be swaddling them softly in his arms while he discusses battle plans like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

He’s definitely teaching the baby to misbehave by tempting them to grab his hair. It’s just so cute to him to see them determinedly ball their little fist while giving him toothless smiles.

He likes watching the baby while they sleep. Their face so peaceful and their little legs kicking softly now and then. Having a child with you has changed him, and in those moments he can feel the change the best. He feels that with the two of you by his side, he could let everything else be.

Reiner is a sobbing mess from the moment you tell him you are pregnant, and when he finally gets to see his little one it just gets worse. He’s just so amazed by how he created something so beautiful and pure.

He’s a very active dad, taking the baby off your hands whenever you allow it. He loves all the time he gets to spend with his child, even if it means changing a diaper.

He wishes you both could just settle down with your little family, but he knows that isn’t realistic just yet. Your encouragements to make the most of the time that you both have makes him feel that every little moment with the baby and you is special.

Very proud dad. The two of you have created the cutest little creature, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t show them off a little. His mother and your fellow Warrios get shown off to the most. He’ll tell them all about the baby’s progress and point out even the smallest detail he is proud of.

“Do you see that? That little hair is a perfect curl.”

Many days he’ll fall asleep while rocking the baby. It’s incredible that even the baby falls asleep while Reiner’s slumped against the back of the chair, the baby resting against his shoulder. It’s the most sound sleep Reiner gets, your little one repelling his nightmares.

Buys anything the baby even points a chubby finger at. You tell him he’ll make them spoiled, but he can’t help it. He wants to give them everything he can.

When the two of you are taking care of the baby, he’ll often thank you for giving him the greatest gift.

Colt is oh so nervous, but also excited, for the birth of your baby. He doesn’t leave your side, and when the moment is finally there, he barely believes it. Seeing the baby, so tiny and crying as the doctor places them on your chest makes tears well up in his eyes. He’ll kiss your forehead, praising you for doing so well and laying a hand on the back of his child’s back.

He’s all over you and the baby, showering you in love and care. At first you think it’s just after the hospital, but no, it sticks around. When you are recovered you have to remind him that you too are a Warrior, so though you appreciate it you don’t need him to hold your hand at every step.

He’s overbearing in the sweetest way, trying so hard to do everything right for the baby. If it coughs once he’s already running to find you.

Colt knows a thing or two about kids already since he helped with Falco, but every baby is different so he still gets surprised. Like when he accidentally spilled some water in the babies face while washing them. He was sure they would cry their eyes out like Falco had done when young, but the baby had just stared at him with wide eyes. Perhaps your genes had made them a tougher breed.

He loves making the baby laugh. He’ll play peekaboo with them or dance a stuffed animal around them, booping their nose. Hearing his child laughing and babbling never fails to make him smile.

Porco sees himself as a not easily shaken guy, but the baby showed him how wrong he was. He could act tough around others all he wanted, but the sparkling eyes of your child melted him instantly. He was smitten with them since the first look.

He wants to carry the baby all the time, keeping it close to him. He’s a sucker for the classic baby scent, smelling the baby’s head and giving it kisses.

Pinches the baby’s cheeks. They are just so chubby and squeezable. He looks a bit evil while he does it, grinning widely as the baby tries to wiggle away, but he does it all in good fun.

He doesn’t just show off, he brags. Look at how beautiful his child is, how well behaved they are, bet their kid cries all the damn time huh?

“That nose? Clearly got it from me.” He’ll say, proudly putting the baby’s face next to his, looking smug. “Handsome produces handsome.”

Porco is painfully aware of what being a Warrior could cost you, having lost friends and family. What if the two of you don’t return from a mission? It keeps him up at night now and then, and when it does, he goes to get the baby, laying them down between the two of you. It comforts him to feel the baby’s warmth, it’s little hands right at his face. He’ll enjoy having you and the baby as long as he can.

It’s the funniest thing to see him scurrying about after the baby puked on him. He mumbles about them being a little bastard, but he can’t stay mad.

Erwin had been dedicated solely to his mission for years, and he had assumed a family wasn’t in the cards for him because of the life he chose. When he met you, he saw what could be, and eventually the two of you decided to have a child. Erwin was still nervous about the idea of juggling a family and his position as commander when your baby was born, but holding them for the first time convinced him he could make the change.

He reads to the baby every night. He loved the worlds he could explore through books when he was young, and he wants to pass that on to his child. You allow him to only read from an encyclopedia once a week, not wanting your child’s brain to overheat.

The way he changes diapers is a skill. His face doesn’t even twitch while he does it, and he has the technique down so well he’s done within a minute.

Erwin holds the baby close while being on a mission by keeping a family portrait of the three of you on him at all times. It helps him with missing them and motivates him to keep on fighting.

He takes the baby up the wall with you. He wraps one arm around you, the baby ogling the outside world on his other arm.

“One day you will be able to walk freely out there, I’ll make sure of it.” He promises his child.

Levi is made godfather whether he likes it or not. Erwin trusts him fully, and wants to make sure that if anything happens Levi will look after the baby. Erwin will definitely have some fun with it too, making Levi hold the baby and observing him grumpily threaten them to not even think about puking on him.

Erwin keeps a journal during all his missions. He writes down all the interesting and beautiful things he witnesses inbetween the carnage, from plants to friendships. He wants to keep track of it so that when his child is old enough they can know all about it.

He wants to stick the baby in these old and serious clothes. You can barely see your child through the frills and the dress pants are absolutely laugh worthy on their little legs. After seeing the poor thing can barely move around in them, he’ll yield.

[drwcn]

《Without Envy》- concubine/sleeper agent!wwx & prince!lwj 

[story board 1] [story board 2]   [story board 3]  [story board 4] 

long post: story board 5 →

Lan Wangji, as it turned, was a true gentleman. This was problematic for Wei Wuxian, who was tasked with getting close to him, because Hanguang-wang’s upstanding morals being rather unimpeachable rendered Wei Wuxian’s initial seduction efforts entirely unsuccessful. 

 Lan Wangji straight up ignored him. Whenever he came to visit Jiang Yanli it was always to speak with her and not Wei Wuxian. It was like Wei Wuxian, or A-Xian as he was known, did not exist to the prince. Whenever Wei Wuxian tried to “get close” to him, aka, making himself available to serve tea, meals and such, Lan Wangji would always dismiss him, or tell him to wait outside so Lan Wangji and Jiang Yanli could dine together alone. Needless to say, Wei Wuxian was getting increasingly frustrated. Entirely unbeknownst to Wei Wuxian however was the fact that Lan Wangji had noticed him from the start and was just trying to stop himself from doing something inappropriate. Truth is, Lan Wangji first saw Wei Wuxian at Jiang-fu during one of Lan Wangji’s visits to finalize the marriage between himself and Jiang Yanli. 

It was the dogs’ barking that got Lan Wangji’s attention first. That, and a young man’s agitated cursing.

“Fuck - ow! Princess that was not nice! I’m going to turn you into barbeque if you don’t cut this shi - Ow! Jasmine, give it here!” 

Lan Wangji’s personal guards Guo Ai and Sun Ting made to investigate the source of the ruckus and to tell off whoever dared to be so impertinent and disrespectful in a marquis’s manor, but Lan Wangji stopped them with a subtle gesture.  

Slowly, he approached the round archway looking into the garden and saw by the shrubs a handsome young man cradling a fuzzy tiny thing while trying his darnedest to fend off two relentless hounds. “Shoo, shoo, go bother your master!”

But the dogs wanted to play. Their bushy tails wagged happily.  

Eventually, the young man tired of the over enthusiastic canines, picked up a stick off the ground, and tossed it far over the garden walls. The dogs took off running, and he and the little creature he protected were allowed a moment’s peace. 

“Little tutu, it’s okay, the mean dogs are gone now. Don’t be afraid.” 

It was only then that Lan Wangji saw that the furry round thing was a small bunny, probably driven from its burrow by the aforementioned hounds that belonged to Jiang-xiao-gongzi. He watched, slightly transfixed, as the young man lifted the bunny and gently booped its nose against his own, his comely face scrunching up adorably in the process. 

So when Wei Wuxian arrived at the prince’s estate with Jiang Yanli, Lan Wangji cursed his luck. He had no intentions of becoming attracted or attached to anyone in his harem. His marriages were political games. Everything he did in his harem was calculated. The last thing he needed was for the Jins to think they could sink their claws into him. So he kept company with all his concubines equally, just to maintain the balance. Lan Wangji did not want Jin Ziyan to be the only man in his harem, which was why when Qin Su offered him Mo Xuanyu, he did not refuse. It was fortunate that Mo Xuanyu himself seemed eager to serve too, so Lan Wangji did not have to grapple with ethics there.  He was doing this for his country; everyone knew this. As long as he kept to his duties and divided his attentions equally, there would be trouble in his harem. Except...Lan Wangji wanted to see ‘A-Xian’ again. The more he wanted, the more he made himself keep his distance. He recognized the power dynamic that existed between this servant and himself, and that if he were to ask, A-xian was not really in a position to refuse. Besides, Jiang Yanli made no indications that she wanted her A-Xian to serve Lan Wangji. In fact, she seemed quite protective of him, always looking out for him wherever she could. She practically treated him like a little brother than a servant. As such, Lan Wangji was happy with the way things were. He could live with never knowing A-Xian more intimately. In fact, he did not want A-Xian to be ordered to serve him, or find out that A-Xian was just like every other man and woman in his harem, there to curry favours with him. It would be a shame if he turned out to be just another flower in the garden, another player in this game they played.  

Of course Wei Wuxian read this whole situation as: that little bastard Lan Wangji doesn’t like me. Xue Yang was charged with being Wei Wuxian’s correspondence between Gusu and Qishan but ended up just being the guy Wei Wuxian complained to.  —“Is this Hanguang-wang truly a paragon of virtues???” Wei Wuxian raged. “Aren’t princes supposed to be lechers? Wen Chao certainly is a sleeze. Wen Xu could be too for all we know. I’m young, fit, attractive and available. I know he likes men so why not me? He sleeps with Mo Xuanyu all the time apparently …Is Mo Xuanyu more attractive than me?!” Xue Yang: >_> God I miss murders. 

Wei Wuxian’s “opportunity” came when Jiang Yanli fell mysteriously ill about three months after she married Lan Wangji. When the physicians were left scratching their heads, Wei Wuxian quickly took the matter into his own hands. He needed Jiang Yanli alive; if she died before he made an impression on Lan Wangji, he could be sent away back to Jiang-fu and threaten his entire operation. What’s more, Jiang Yanli had been extremely kind to him in the last two years since he arrived at Gusu. She truly was the perfect lady; he would hate to see her suffer.  Through some crafty investigations, Wei Wuxian discovered that the cause of Jiang Yanli’s illness was a slow poison being laced into her food by Jin Ziyan’s orders. The motive of his actions were obvious enough; ever since Jiang Yanli married in, Lan Wangji seemed to be showing her extra favour, favours which he never distributed unevenly prior to her entering his household. Jin Ziyan did not want Jiang Yanli as a competition. She was a marquess’s dichu daughter, much higher in rank than either Qin Su or Luo Qingyang, and therefore posed serious threat to becoming Lan Wangji’s legal spouse. In a way, she was Jin Ziyan’s biggest competitor, and he couldn’t have that. What Jin Ziyan didn’t know was that Lan Wangji visited Jiang Yanli so much because he wanted to catch glimpses of Wei Wuxian, even though he dismissed Wei Wuxian from the room every time he saw him (the man was clearly a masochist). Wei Wuxian managed to sniff out the poison before it could cause lasting damages, but the effect of it was going on for long enough that Jiang Yanli still had an early term miscarriage before she even knew she was pregnant. Wei Wuxian, incensed by Jiang Yanli’s suffering, was ready to expose Jin Ziyan, but was ordered not to by Wen Zhuliu. ‘We still need Jin Ziyan’ was his reasoning. Still, Wei Wuxian managed to tip off the investigators such that they detected and put an end to the poisoning, but the culprit was ultimately never caught. As this played out, Wei Wuxian realized that now was his chance to get close to Lan Wangji. With Jiang Yanli recuperating...surely the Jiang family would want someone else of their clan to serve Lan Wangji in her place, someone who could keep Lan Wangji’s attention but would not replace Jiang Yanli’s place in the harem. It did not take much to lead Yu Ziyuan to the same conclusion. To ensure that he would have ample time with Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian secretly slipped a special sedative into Jiang Yanli’s food and drink to mimic the symptoms of a slow recovery. The sedative was one of Qishan’s secret formulations and could not be detected by Gusu’s finest doctors. But Jiang Yanli, bless her heart, did not want the boy who she’d come to see as a little brother to be used like an object. "A-niang, I don't want to force A-Xian to do things he doesn't want to. I will get better, dianxia will not abandon me." — Yu Ziyuan tsked, "Silly girl, serving Lan Wangji in your stead is his entire purpose for coming with you. Every family must plan for something like this; someone to hold onto Lan Wangji's interest while you're indisposed. Men are fickle, child. You need time to recover and someone will need to remind Hanguang-wang that you still matter when you’re ready again. We cannot let him forget you. Think of what this would mean for our clan." Much to Yu Ziyuan’s delight, Lan Wangji came to check on Jiang Yanli while she was visiting, and Madam Yu had no qualms making hints that it would be the Jiang family’s honour if Hanguang-wang allowed ‘A-Xian’ to serve him while Yanli recovered. Wei Wuxian did not protest. Why would he? This was his orchestration after all, but when he dared raise his gaze from the floor to look at Lan Wangji, he detected a hint of something in Lan Wangji’s face…something like disappointment. Wei Wuxian relayed this to Xue Yang and the other evil gremlin sucked on a candied apricot and said with a roll of his eyes： —“You’re so dense, shixiong, tsk. Men like Lan Wangji could have any man or woman he wants. If you go along with Madam Yu’s orders, you’ll just to be like everyone else, another ambitious servant trying to socially advance. He’ll fuck you and forget you within a blink of an eye.” — Wei Wuxian sipped his liquor and grimaced. “Fine, what do you suggest I do then? — Xue Yang smirked, “Oh, haven’t you heard? Men like roses with thorns. When you’re brought to him tonight, don’t play along. Don’t humour him. Refuse him.” — Wei Wuxian： >_> Is this how you got those Daoist priests in bed with you? — Xue Yang smirked shamelessly, “Worked, innit?”

Listen, Lan Wangji was fully prepared to have some emotionless sex with Wei Wuxian okay? Boy was prepared to just go through the motions. He was disappointed to know that A-Xian turned out to be no better than any other servant in his harem: eager to climb his bed.

Being a concubine was stupid work, Wei Wuxian realized belatedly. After dinner, Jiang Yanli bid him goodbye with worried eyes as the momos and gugus of Hanguang-fu dragged him away to be bathed and prepped for the prince’s enjoyment later that night. (gugu, momo - older female servants)

Wei Wuxian was not a dirty person - sure, he worked hard, but he bathed regularly - they did not have to scrub that roughly. As they practically scrapped off a layer of skin, the momos rattled on and on about how he should “conduct” himself in the presence of dianxia and how he should position himself to best please him. 

What the actual fuck. Wei Wuxian resisted the urge to pull a face. Did the ladies get the same banal talk? How fucking boring was the sex around here? Wei Wuxian wasn’t born yesterday alright? He knew how to fuck.  ...Well fine, he didn’t, but he and Xue Yang had sucked each other off once or twice, so that should count for something. 

Once the attendants were satisfied with the state of him - hair brushed, skin cleaned and lotioned, callouses removed - they rolled him in a large full-body sized blanket, placed him in a sedan and ordered the servants to carry him to Lan Wangji’s chamber. 

Wei Wuxian tried not to make an exasperated grimace when the servants literally picked him up like a log and deposited him on the prince’s large bed.

Fucking...seriously? 

He did not remember this bullshit when zhangjie married in...but then again Jiang Yanli did marry in. There was a ceremony and everything. Lan Wangji was very respectful that night, bowing to her before lifting her veil as a gentleman ought to. So what the fuck is this barbaric treatment? Just as he pondered on these questions, the tulle canopy parted, and Lan Wangji’s handsome face and broad chest came into view. Undressed to his inner most layer of robes and his ink black hair let loose, he looked very much like a man ready to ravish his new concubine, but somehow, Wei Wuxian could not detect a trace of interest on that jade-like face. 

Despite knowing this was all an act, just a means to an end, Wei Wuxian shivered when Lan Wangji reached for the edge of the blanket that encased him. 

He pulled the blankets closer, shrinking deeper inside. 

“Don’t be afraid,” said Lan Wangji. “I won’t hurt you.” 

Time to act, Wei Wuxian. Give it your best shot. 

“I’m not afraid.”  “Then why do you hide?”  Wei Wuxian waited a meaningful second before meeting Lan Wangji’s gaze dead on and said, “Because I don’t want to.”  Nonplussed, Lan Wangji raised an elegant eye brow in return. “Oh? Is that so? Or are those just words? Perhaps you've confused what kind of place a harem is. If you do not want to, why are you here?”

Is my act not convincing enough or is this stupid asshole so confident in his attractiveness that he thinks everyone must automatically want to fuck him? Slightly ticked off now, Wei Wuxian sat up, still holding the blanket to his chest and retorted hotly, “I am not confused, dianxia. Perhaps you are unable to comprehend the idea that someone as lowly as a servant would refuse when given the opportunity to ascend in rank, but nevertheless, that doesn’t change my position. I don't want to. I am here because Lianfang-jun appointed me; there was hardly any room in that decision for me to argue. If you are determined to have me, I will not resist, because I understand my place. But I am a person, not a thing or a broodmare for you breed. I have some dignity left, and at the very least, before you...before you hold me down and fuck me, I want you to know."

Wei Wuxian half wondered if his act had gone a little overboard. The expletives maybe were just a tad too dramatic, but then again...   ...seeing how Lan Wangji's entire stance shifted, maybe not. 

Lan Wangji withdrew his hand. He had mistaken Wei Wuxian’s initial unwillingness as coquettish posturing, but the heat in those dark, bright eyes could not be faked. 

“Those words could get you into a lot of trouble when spoken to the wrong person. Have the momos not taught you the rules?” 

Wei Wuxian squared his shoulders. “They have, but I place trust in Hanguang-wang’s reputation, that you are a true gentleman and would not force me against my will.” Then, just as he practiced, Wei Wuxian lowered his eyes. “I am a servant, your servant, and I know it is my duty to serve you in any way you command me, but I -...please find other use of me, dianxia, but not this.” 

 He startled a little when a warm hand found purchase under his chin and lifted up his face. Lan Wangji inspected him wordlessly with those cold, sharp eyes, searching for lies, for pretense. Wei Wuxian held his breath, praying he won’t be found out, but eventually, when the prince and his calculation deemed him good enough, he let go. 

“Very well.” 

Lan Wangji fetched a pair of clean inner robes and trousers from the wardrobe and handed them to Wei Wuxian. “Get dressed and move over.” Without waiting for Wei Wuxian to respond, he sat himself down on the edge of the bed and began to remove his socks and shoes. 

Wei Wuxian moved quickly, shrugging on the robes and tied it in place before shoving the trousers under the covers to try and pulling them up his legs. “You’re...you’re not leaving?” 

Lan Wangji glared at him over his shoulder. “This is my room, my bed. Why should I leave?” 

Right. Right.

“But you’re not...sending me away?” 

Lan Wangji frowned as though questioning his intelligence. “Would you like me to send you away? I should think that would reflect badly on you and your mistress.”   That did give Wei Wuxian pause. “Uh, well –”   “Your declining to be my bedfellow does not impede my fulfilling my side of the arrangement. You will leave in the morning, and the others will think that I found you pleasing enough to keep you the whole night. That should give Jiang-fu’ren and the Yunmeng Jiang clan sufficient face."   “I could sleep on the floor.” 

“Do you want to sleep on the floor?” Lan Wangji swung his legs onto the bed and arranged the blankets to his liking. “The doors are never locked. Servants and sentinels must be allowed in to check on me during the night for security purposes. It would not bode well if they found you lying on the floor.” 

Right, yeah that would defeat the whole purpose. 

“Oh.” 

Lan Wangji lay down and crossed his hands over his chest. “Lie down, sleep. I have morning court assembly, and I’m tired. If you’re going to stay, don’t be a disturbance.” 

Feeling like he’d lost all semblance of control in this situation, Wei Wuxian awkwardly laid himself down beside Lan Wangji. The bed was big enough for the two of them that there was space in between even when both of them lay flat on their backs. 

Lan Wangji lifted up just a second to blow out the bedside candle, and then there was total darkness.

Wasn’t I suppose to seduce him? What the fuck is this? Okay...maybe I have no idea how to seduce him...maybe I have no idea how to do anything that’s not straight up strangling him in his sleep. 

Wei Wuxian could feel his heart thudding in his chest, panic coiling tighter and tighter. He almost wished Lan Wangji had ignored his protest and took him, because then it’d be straight forward. As it were, he had no idea how to proceed now. 

Just as Wei Wuxian was being slowly consumed by his maelstrom of thoughts, Lan Wangi suddenly spoke into the dark. 

"I am not a heartless bastard, you should know."

Huh? 

"I never implied that."

“You did.” Lan Wangji gave a little shake of his head. “I do not want this anymore than the others in the harem. You said I treat my women like broodmares, but perhaps you have not considered that Gusu treats me like a stallion."   Wei Wuxian was momentarily speechless.    “Your mistress is very kind and gentle. I am sorry that the child in her belly was lost; I know she very much wanted to be a mother. I see that you are very protective of her, so you should know, I would never hurt her.  Even if she were to never recover her strength, I would not let harm come to her.”   Those words, softly spoken, tugged at Wei Wuxian’s conscience, if not his heartstrings. “Dianxia -”   “Sleep. Good night.”

The next morning Wei Wuxian woke up to knocking on the door. The sun was already high in the sky and the bed was empty of Lan Wangji’s presence.  A group of maids entered carrying a basin of water, towels and clean clothes. Wei Wuxian, dazed, asked, "Where's danxia?" One of the maid giggled. "Dianxia left at dawn to attend morning assembly at the palace. You must not know; he wakes up very early. He said not to wake you, and to let you sleep. He said," The others giggled with her. “He said that you've had a long night."

To the great surprise of everyone, Lan Wangji did not elevate Jiang Yanli’s servant A-Xian to concubine status after the ‘long night’ they had together. Instead he ordered A-Xian to be transferred to his court to be his close-quarter attendant, to serve him in his every day tasks.  Wei Wuxian did not exactly understand why Lan Wangji would make this particularly decision, but he did not complain. After all this was exactly what he wanted, to be close to Lan Wangji and earn his trust.  Lan Wangji, on the other hand, was content to have Wei Wuxian close by, secure in the knowledge ‘A-Xian’ did not wish to spread his legs to socially advance. Perhaps, if he dared to hope, he could finally have someone to speak to in this lonely manor full of people who only saw the crown hanging above his head.

Xue Yang was of the opinion that this was all going to end badly. He was right. 

[next]

[ldybluerse]

The Nice and Accurate Tale of Beauty and the Beast

Chapter Three: Beauty and the Beast Good Omens AU

Seeing such an intimidating creature gave Aziraphale reason to pause--a lot of reasons to pause, actually. Could he really take on something like that? Surely. Probably. Maybe? He didn’t really want to find out. The Knight took several steps back, not liking the odds of winning against something so large and equipped with so many sharp, stabby bits. Yet, this was the job he was sent here for: to remove the Fallen.  Thwart the evil wiles of this beast. See an evil wile, thwart it. That was in his job description. Rather, that was his job description. Even so, Aziraphale felt a deep reservation, which was not him being afraid of the beast (he most certainly was… not), but something else he didn’t quite understand.

The eyes of the Fallen glowed bright yellow in the dark, accenting his otherworldly nature, and he hissed again furiously.  It was all a good show, but… Aziraphale noticed besides the hissing and tip of the tail lashing back and forth like an angry cat’s, nothing had happened.  If he had to venture a guess, Aziraphale would say the creature was uncertain and being overly-dramatic.  If it wasn’t for show, shouldn’t the Fallen have attacked by now?  He was not going to go off an assumption and attack.  The Fallen’s face looked angry and he was hissing, but there was not any true menace behind those actions, now that Aziraphale was studying him.  And really, they had been facing off for several minutes and the beast had yet to attack, he was not even trying to move closer or making motions to begin a fight.  He just towered over Aziraphale with his arms raised and his mouth hanging open.  The Knight was certain the Fallen could have at least tried to swipe at him, or grab him, something.  Anything.

The Fallen on the other hand was beginning to panic.  (Not so much beginning, he had been panicking since he realized the Favoured was following him and wasn’t about to give up the hunt).  The Favoured hadn’t run off like he had hoped when he shifted forms and sized up.  So now he was standing there, hissing like an idiot as he loomed over this plump man, trying and failing to scare him off without fighting.  He did not want to get hurt, and admittedly, he did not want to hurt anyone in turn.  The man before him certainly did not look like a Favoured who could be dangerous, but all Favoured are.  They are meant to be skilled fighters, no one should take them as anything less than serious and dangerous, especially a Fallen. 

Crowley began to lower his arms and shut his mouth, his eyes remaining trained on the Favoured before him.  “What are you doing here?  You sssshouldn’t be here!”  He rumbled from the depths of his chest, adding an extra hiss at the end in an effort to be intimidating.  He was certain it was not working.  But still, Crowley would try because despite his current exterior, he was not a fighter.  To be honest, he probably was the furthest thing from a fighter.  The long claws and fangs were just for show.  And those elongated fangs affected his speech, making the words somewhat garbled, he would be surprised if the other understood him at all.

To his astonishment and dismay, the Favoured put his hands on his hips and gave Crowley a glare.  A look that said he was not threatened by Crowley’s display and would not take any more of Crowley’s attitude.

...It was like being sassed by a marshmallow.

“Well, are you...are you finished with all...all the hissing?”

Crowley narrowed his gaze at the Favoured.  He did not think being threatening would work on a Favoured, and this one was probably a Knight… but this little male was just standing there, hands on his hips and giving Crowley a disapproving scowl!  This was NOT good.  At least he hadn’t pulled out a weapon or started using magic.  The fact that an attack had yet to come didn’t mean it wouldn’t.  But, in all honesty, the Fallen had absolutely NO idea where to go from here.  Shouldn’t the fight have started?  Or he being dead already?!  Why was this Favoured fixing him with a look like he was just a troublesome child who got caught sneaking a hand into the cookie jar?  What was he supposed to do now?  When in doubt…keep trying to be scary?  Crowley had no clue what else to try.

“Excuse me?”  Deciding the extended fangs were too much trouble for talking, he retracted them as he lowered himself closer to the Favoured’s level to glare right back at him, and to see him better.  There was a tenseness around the Favoured despite his posture saying he was calm and collected.  He was just too stiff to make Crowley really believe he wasn’t worried.  He was oddly thankful he wasn’t the only nervous party here. 

Crowley was most certainly reminded of a marshmallow (which would not be introduced to France for another… 100 years or so) with his soft, fluffy white-blonde curls and rounded face.  Even the slight up-turn to his nose was, admittedly, cute.  Crowley had to stop himself from reaching out and booping that nose.  The man before him was indeed built chubby, the roundness of his belly was still visible despite the layers of clothing.�� He could not recall a time when he saw a Favoured who looked so… soft.  It was a very pleasing look.  

Mentally he kicked himself (because mentally he could still use his now non-existent feet) to remind himself that this was the enemy and to remain on guard.  Even if he wanted to lightly poke that belly like he wanted to boop his nose.

“Are you finished hissing and being grumbly?”  The voice was far more gentle this time, somewhat jovial.  The nervousness that had been there a moment before was almost gone.  His posture had indeed softened, but there were the hints of unease to his smile.  Crowley could only conclude the intimidation was not working.

...Crowley was certainly screwed!

“Why did you come here?  Come to stare at the Beast?!” That snarl was back in his voice.  Crowley may have been panicking.  (He most certainly was panicking).  Okay, Plan A of intimidation did not work.  Therefore, it was time for Plan B… act like a cranky bastard.  Good thing Crowley was good at being cranky and being a flashy bastard.

Aziraphale raised his brow as he shifted his weight to one foot so as to cock his hip out, “I take that as we are not done being cranky.  I would prefer if we just skipped that part.”

“You are a Favoured and a Knight, are you not?” Crowley hissed, “and you followed me here.”

“Yes, well, it’s not every day I see a snake delivering mail.”

“Mail?” Crowley took on a mocking tone, “Mail?  I do not deliver mail!”

“Then what were you doing in town?”

“Why do you care?” Crowley crossed his slender arms over his bare chest.  He was no longer glaring but looking over the Favoured before him.  He was not a bad looking Favoured, they tend to be decently fit and muscled.  Most he had seen were lean, and it felt like they were always at parade rest for the military.  Their posture, even when “relaxed” suggested they were dangerous and could react in seconds to fight.  It was stressful just looking at them.  This man was rather open and… soft.  What other words were there?  He did not feel threatened, he did not feel there was an alternative motive, a hidden attack coming at any moment.  The Fallen liked the look of that softness…

Crowley tilted his head some as he continued to look.  Studying the person before him closely.

Aziraphale’s blue eyes followed the movement of the arms.  He took the time to let his gaze travel down to the narrow waist and back up to a barely defined chest.  “I care when someone is causing trouble, which is the job of a Fallen.”

“And it’s the job of a Favoured to stop a Fallen,” that mocking tone continued.  Looking back into those blue eyes.

“Well, yes.  Except, since I have arrived you have not caused any trouble.”

“I have caused plenty of trouble!  I cause plenty of trouble.  All I do is trouble.”  Crowley was drawing a blank on all the bad things he had done recently.  (Probably because his bad deeds were hardly bad at all.  Mischievous, yes, but not even naughty much less bad and far from being able to be classified as “evil”).

Aziraphale raised that brow again as he fixed the Fallen with a doubtful look.  “I have been here for several months now and have not heard a single word of you.”

“That is because unlike Favoured, Fallen know how to sneak,” Crowley jabbed the insult at the other.  Quick!  Mock him to distract!  Maybe he will leave.

Aziraphale crossed his arms, mirroring the beast before him, “are you going to tell me what you were doing in town?”

Crowley’s curiosity got the better of him, it always did (it is how he ended up in the situation he was in), “Where is your weapon?  Favoured all love flashing about their weapons to Fallen.”

That caused the Favoured to get nervous and start fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve, “Um.. well… I had not been expecting…that is to say, I had not thought I would run into a Fallen… and…” Aziraphale’s voice had notes of a whine in it.

“You forgot to bring your weapon,” Crowley smiled a little, a real smile.  Amazed that a Favoured would do something like forget their weapon!  Especially when they were going to face a Fallen.

“You can hardly blame me!  You haven’t caused trouble at all!  How was I supposed to know I would run into you!  And… if you weren’t causing problems… well…” Aziraphale could not exactly explain to the enemy that he was not going to fight him unless it was for the greater good.  Just because he was a Fallen did not mean he needed to just be punished for existing, right? 

“I was trying to run AWAY from you,” Crowley snapped.  “You could have just left me be.”

“Not until you tell me what you were doing in town!” 

“No.  Go away,” the large naga began raising up again, trying to look intimidating once more.  When in doubt, try what failed before and see if it will work this time.  “Leave now or I will be forced to… forced to… ngk…”  Just because the Favoured was being nice now doesn’t mean he will continue to be nice.  Crowley was barely keeping his tail from tying in knots from his nervousness.

“Forced to what?” It was Aziraphale’s turn to sass, done being mocked.  “Why were you in town?”

“I have my reasons…”

“That is not an answer.  Now tell me why you were in town before I...I thwart you.”

“Thwart?  Thwart…  That’s it!  You know what, you’re now my prisoner!”  

“What?  That is not how taking prisoners work!”

“Itssss how I do it,” this was the first time Crowley had taken a prisoner, so he wasn’t lying, it is how he was going to do it this time.  “And if I am doing it wrong, then it is on-brand.  Because Fallen can only do wrong!”  Crowley had enough size to snatch up the Favoured with his hands easily, if he wanted too (it is not like he wanted to touch the Favoured and was forcing himself not to), instead, he used his tail, this left his hands free should he need them for a fight.  He also did not want to risk hurting the Knight with his clawed fingers.  He didn’t bother to see how his new prisoner was doing he turned to the great wall that surrounded his home and began climbing.  If he looked now, he might second-guess, well whatever it is when you second-guess for the thousandth time in under two seconds.  Snakes are amazing climbers, even without hands, so a snake with hands was even better at climbing.

Crowley was careful to keep his guest (eh-hem) prisoner safe.  He was sure his hold was firm but not so tight as to harm him, and he made sure that the end of his tail never accidentally hit the wall.  He was doing his best not to shake the man around too much, not an easy task when scaling a wall.  It was easier to get in and out as a small snake, there was a hole near the base of the wall big enough for him to get through.  Said hole was not big enough for a grown man to squeeze through, much less a fairly large naga.

Aziraphale had started to wiggle as soon as he was snatched, right around the arms and chest, meaning he did not have use of his arms.  The wiggling had confirmed he couldn’t move much to fight against the strength of the tail.  He could barely twitch his fingers, the beast was not hurting him, but it certainly had a good hold.  When they started going up, Aziraphale felt that fighting to escape would not be in his best interest.  He glared up at the climbing man, fully intending to give him an earful for this treatment but as he looked up his gaze and attention was caught on the long lustrous locks of his captor.  Fire-red auburn hair in loose curls, far looser than his own poof, danced with every movement that the Fallen made.  It was a beautiful mess of shiny hair down past the naga’s waist.  Very lovely to look at.

He really should be fighting or yelling, Aziraphale knew that is what he should be doing.  But Aziraphale was never good at doing what he should (should according to his higher-ups.  Which is not the same as the “should” do when one has their own sense of self and morals.  They are two very different “shoulds”).  When he finally realized he had lost himself to watching the Fallen, they were at the top of the wall.  Snapping out of his daze, “what are you doing...um…” he gave a confused and hopeful look to his captor.

“Crowley,” the Fallen supplied, “I’m taking you to my home.  As I said, you are my prisoner.”

“Crowley, right.  I am hardly your prisoner.  You cannot just snatch up someone and claim they are a prisoner!”  Aziraphale had expected a climb down.  Instead, Crowley leapt from the top of the wall to glide down on those black wings of his.  Apparently, they were not just for show, they indeed functioned perfectly well.  Aziraphale would have preferred a little warning!  Especially given he was at the beginning of a scolding.

Once on the ground inside the wall, Aziraphale was released onto the soft grass outside a grand castle, leaving him on his rear.  “Follow me,” Crowley hissed, so it seems he was not done being grumpy.

Aziraphale glared at Crowley’s back, “I am still a Favoured and a Knight, I could get my freedom easily.”

“Then why haven’t you?”  Crowley looked back, cocking a brow over those golden eyes.  The glow from them was gone but remained that golden-yellow shade, only the light from Aziraphale’s pink glowing orb spared them from the dark.  Yet in this pale light, Aziraphale could tell that Crowley had slitted pupils like a serpent.  His features were striking, all sharp and angles... and beautiful.  

Why hadn’t Aziraphale tried to leave?  What made him stay?  What was causing him to not fight the Fallen?  

While Aziraphale attempted to figure out why he stayed, Crowley was busy internally panicking while keeping a calm exterior (he hoped it looked calm).  Why in He...Heav...WHY did he kidnap this man?!

——————————————————

Crowley big scary Naga.  Him scary.  Grrr.  Hiss.  PANIC. Flail!!

Crowley will go through the most changes in this story. Because Crowley.

Just to note, I am posting the full story here and on AO3, will link in another post.

HUGE THANK YOU TO @brstudios I send virtual cookies

[awed-frog]

The Future/(is now)

I can’t believe this is something I saw with my own two eyeballs, because apparently all that’s happened so far wasn’t coincidence, or carelessness - apparently Dabb watched Season 8 and made a deliberate bet with someone - he’d make it gayer, or else. And so here it is, (almost) out of the subtext (Sorry, Dean and You can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay and I needed to come back here with a win for you and We're just better together and I'd like that and THE TAAAAAAAPE). Honest to God, I think I read twenty versions of that fight yesterday as people scrambled to write pre-codas out of nerves and excitement, and they were all magnificent and yet, somehow, less shippy and less obvious and less romantic than what actually happened on the show, wtf? And Dean sulking in his room, Cas knocking at his door, hesitating, coming in? 

I swear to God - when Dean called him back, when he started telling Cas all those things - for a second, I actually believed he would yank on Cas’ tie and kiss him, because that’s always, always what happens in that scenario. Or, you know, Dean gets overwhelmed by his own feelings, by how much he’s just showed his hand here, and walks away. That’s also textbook fanfiction, and yeah, so it’s fluff instead of angst, but, come on - this is Supernatural - did anyone doubt it’d be angsty? Let’s just hope in a happy ending, because that Kelly voiceover (I love you. But we won't ever be together. There is no happy ending for either of us.) gave me the creeps.

And what about the mind control, someone might argue. Mind control, schmind control. That’s like, the number one Prove that you love me forever and ever trope, and even if we’ve seen it before (if simply because Destiel has been built with every single love trope in the book, and, in this case, they used it over and over and over again), we’ve never seen its final form. During the crypt scene, Cas deflected instead of admitting the obvious (let’s be generous: maybe he didn’t know himself), and in the Bunker, Dean just barely managed not to kill Cas, and had to walk away before the Mark overpowered him, so no, that was not a good time either. So this thing we’ve been promised for a while - this My love for you is stronger than time or tide or evil curse - is yet to come, and with the way things are going, I’m feeling pretty optimistic.

Also: however Dean will read this when he wakes up, Cas is choosing love, and he’s choosing free will. He went to Heaven hoping they’d have a way out of this mess so that Sam and Dean would be safe, he stole the Colt so they couldn’t face Dagon and be hurt (which is text, by the way, not subtext), he went against orders because he felt that was the right thing to do (a human feeling, because angels are created for a mission), he stayed away from Sam and Dean to protect them - all of that is unangelic behaviour, and man, Dean and Cas are going to get into so many fights, aren’t they, because Cas learned how to love from Dean, and that means he’s got that same kind of stubborn, maternal, overbearing way to love Dean has, which means lots of I didn’t tell you because I love you and I walked away because I love you and I booped you to sleep because I love you and I really hope Sam’s going to stay out of the way, because there will be a lot of storming through corridors and huffing and outrage and Can you believe that bastard and it will be absolutely glorious.

As for the rest of it - though, to be perfectly honest, I barely noticed a ‘rest of it’ because my eyeballs were glued to the unbelievable Gay Feelfest unfolding in front of me - I’m really happy with it. I’m happy we’re finally talking Big Things again - Could either of you kill an innocent, do our parents determine our destiny, is there such a thing as innate character, and so on - and I’m happy with the insight we were given both in Kelly’s and in Dagon’s minds, and why they do what they do. I loved every scene Cas and Kelly had together, that kind of, We’re not heroes, and we may be worthless, but we’re what’s left vibe, and Cas’ smile when the baby was kicking, and I like where they’re going, how they’ll try to get this pregnancy to term. Sure, this baby’s got a lot against him - he’s Lucifer’s kid (although, we still don’t know who and what Lucifer was before he was forced to carry the Mark), and one of his temper tantrums could possibly destroy the Earth, but, then again, so could a lot of other things - he’s not special (to quote a famous tumblr post). And if we’re going with free will and self-determination of our own destiny, then we should have the courage not to nitpick: everyone should be able to decide for themselves, and this baby is no exception. 

(I mean, think about it. He’s clearly able to give anyone extraordinary powers - he gave Cas enough ammo to take down a bloody Prince of Hell - so he could have chosen anyone as his protector. He could have picked Dagon, he could have stuck with Kelly, he could have chosen any lesser demon or angel or random doctor they’ve been in contact with over the last few weeks - and yet he chose Cas, and Cas - as we’ve known for a while - is the curiosity, the abomination, the miracle: the angel who can love. No, I want to believe we’re headed towards good things here - narratively or otherwise.)

Final point: again, I know it’s not ideal to carry around a nuclear warhead in your belly, but the beginning of this episode gave me heavy The Handmaiden’s flashbacks (superb show, by the way, go watch it), so the fact they’re giving Kelly some kind of choice - that’s uplifting. Because yeah, maybe she’s slightly brainwashed, but this isn’t like any kind of brainwash I’ve ever seen on the show, because both Kelly and Cas are also lucid, completely themselves. They resemble most closely what Dean was like when he lost his memories, and I think now I’m going to go and cry forever at the implications. But hey, at least Cas’ got his own room at the Bunker and Yes, dumbass - we.