#*empowerment* messaging completely detached from any kind of reality or metaphorical resonance

[variousqueerthings]

no other movie experience has ever made me feel so strangely disconnected from others as poor things. constantly trying to exorcise it from my mind, only to keep stumbling over things talking about how life-changing it is. gotta stop being an obsessive person and just let it go, but i always want to know what im missing and i just cannot see it, so. gotta just put it down

[oppyyyy]

Write-Up

Work Statement

Splitting The Sky is a narrative VR experience based in a world in which the boundaries between the virtual and the actual have been dissolved. The experience was created using Unreal Engine, a video games engine capable of running VR in real time. The vulgar, warped views of extreme sexuality has seeped out of online pornography and coalesced with the surface internet. As the player wanders further and further this ‘digital’ world mirrors the way sexuality, power, dominion and abuse have become normalised through this spread. A desolate, ruined city stands alone in an uncanny valley-esque world amalgamated from the digital and the corporeal. As the player comes to, their only tangible company is a giantess who takes an almost sadistic glee in leaving chaos and destruction beneath her, and the cult-like followers that make no effort to proselytise the player, as the world operates through their fetishes. The player experiences manifestations of both trauma and healing; their means of guidance coming through refuge across the world, away from the female gaze of the giantess. This world exists as a postulation of how a digitally pervasive world will cope with therapy in a world where abnormal sexual desires and deviance are normalised; in a world where one brazenly champions another’s desire to be consumed, what measures will we take to seek help? When we live connected to a ubiquitous global system containing more damaging sexual material than any other media- one where its users are consciously using the computer as a means to detach from what they consume- where will the line be drawn before it is considered too far? In spite of this ominous future, Splitting the Sky is designed to encourage players to feel safe in themselves and their own capacity to heal. The concept of ‘healing’ itself is speculative and nebulous- it is something vague, undefined, but also something that one chooses knowingly to seek.  The VR headset is imperative as a subversion of the imprisonment caused by traumatic events; during flashbacks to significant, negative memories the brain feels like a cage one cannot escape from. Using VR, Splitting the Sky is designed to remind players they can heal in these same spaces, with the internal mantra being one of escape- leaving one’s prison and emancipating the mind.

Conceptual Overview

Themes

Initially, I wrote short poetry and notes inspired by the idiosyncrasy and personality of diary writing, and felt there were a lot of continuing themes that I felt worked really well to create visual metaphors and could build the concept of the work. These were elements such as the sword, divine beings, and warping the perception of space and time through traumatic experiences. To sufficiently explore these themes, I decided to combine my research: analysing the progenitive factor in my own interest on the subjects as well as academic studies done more broadly around them. My confessional words reused in a story transformed them (and their meanings) into motifs of my fictional world.

I created moodboards for the narrative (x), visual (x) and sound design (x), that helped me to identify the themes better.

VR

Viewing Jordan Wolfson’s 2017 work ‘Real Violence’ was the catalyst that pushed me to pursue working with VR. Beyond my interest in the concept of alternative perceptions of reality augmented by technology as shown by my previous work, studying VR theory brought those ideas to the surface to build my own method of storytelling, where the protagonist, the user’s perspective, can be a material to directly manipulate. VR holds an interesting dichotomy; although the screen engulfs the senses of the viewer so thoroughly as to make it almost seem real, there is always a disconnect between the body and the brain when using it that reminds us it cannot be real. This idea resonates strongly with the themes presented in Wolfson’s work because it is tense and unsettling while remaining comedic and ironic- a self-awareness that everything does ultimately take place in virtual reality.

I was drawn first to the unsettling, discomforting aspect of Wolfson’s ideas, and that was something I aimed to replicate in my own work early on in the design process. 

I had previously been interested in narrative theory and feminist storytelling, so these interests formed my intention to use VR very early on. The way a story is experienced in VR can be very different to other media, and the theory of VR backed up a lot of ideas I already had.

Giantess

Giantess pornography, and its audience, helped to create a visual language for the work, in order for me to approach trauma on the internet, and its effects on people in real life. To me, the giant sexy woman represented the dichotomy between exploitation and empowerment, seeing as the giantess is used for only sexual purposes in order to satisfy a male. The giantess appears God-like to me, in her power and her alienation, no one can relate to her. (x) I took this and created a Giantess character who was complex and wanted to express that in her words and actions within the story.

I also took words from Giantess porn videos (x) and the comments on those videos (x). I thought the language people used in the comments was very poetic, and felt the heaviness of the statements was diluted by that. This meant there were statements that were extremely derogatory towards women, but represented my point extremely well.

Sound Design

I performed quite a bit of research into the sound design, because in the beginning I was inspired by video game soundtracks (x)(x), and wanted to create a simple soundtrack of my own. I had collected sound effects I liked from synthesisers and FreeSound.org, and even planned what kind of music and sounds would be in each scene. However I felt I didn’t have enough music skills to really push it in the time that I had, and felt the work was still great without sound.

Video Games and Fantasy

Video games, such as Morrowind (x), experimental indie games (x), Metal Gear Solid (x), and more (x), were the basis for a lot of inspiration and research for this project. I felt that a fantasy narrative could be carried really well if I could understand elements of games and ludic game theory (x). As well as this, some lines from my script were lifted from games and recontextualised. This was intended to reference the type of language used in games and fantasy, and create a veil of irony that was both serious and comedic. While the concepts remained quite serious, in order to express this virtual-actual crossover world correctly, I felt it necessary to reference other media.

Healing

Nearing the works completion, I wanted to imagine an ending that could be satisfying and coherent with the rest of the ideas. I thought that in order for this work to be beneficial, rather than cynical and negative, I had to communicate a desire to heal from the personal and collective trauma the work was based on (x). To get to this point I wrote extensively about the theory and concepts of the work (x). The world in which the story takes place exists as a mental and physical space that the ‘user’ becomes involved with whenever they have flashbacks. Therefore the Giantess, the one who suffers and wishes to heal (and escape the world in which she is exploited), should talk directly to the player and pass on a message of healing. In the writing, this worked very well to conclude the work, and works in conjunction with the beginning.

Scenes

Each scene was designed to reflect the landscape of the psyche. The order of the scenes was integral to the story, as the visual and audio aspects needed to work in harmony to tell the story. The player is sent on a journey that is both inside their mind and outside in a fantasy world, meaning that time and place are non-linear. 

Technical Overview

I knew I wanted my work to be displayed in VR for my purpose. I had created a project in Unity for another module project, but I was more interested in using Unreal Engine based on the improved quality of the VR applications I’ve seen using it. I struggled with writing C# scripts in Unity, whereas Unreal Engine used C++. I also noticed that Unreal Engine is used a lot within the professional video games industry, and showing my ability to learn its usage would be a great skill for me to demonstrate. Learning about Unreal Engine was a steep learning curve, as well as learning about functions of Blender beyond what I previously knew.

Getting Started

My starting point with Unreal was learning how the use the interface and the workflow, because I hadn’t used it before. Once I had understood some basics, my next point was to start building the levels I would be using, and planning the storyboard around them. I had sourced models from Unreal Marketplace and elsewhere on the internet for me to create the world with. Before this point I had been working on my own models in Blender, some of which were used in the final product. These models were characters within the work, and some floating island models to place in a level to show more fantasy. I knew how to place assets within a world and transform them already, due to working with Unity before. A lot of models already had materials, but for some objects I created my own materials using Unreal Material Blueprints. Some of these materials were dynamic and complex. I used textures downloaded from [the internet] and imported into the engine.

World Building

When creating the levels, I had a lot to take into consideration. For most levels, terrain had to be built, sculpted, and textured using Unreal’s materials. For one of the levels, I had to create a custom skybox. I had researched into creating my own environment (in Blender or Unreal) that I would take a 360º render of to make a skybox texture with, but it would’ve taken a lot of time that I didn’t want to invest in something like that. Lighting was important to consider when building levels because I wanted the best performance while every level could still feel polished and complete. Early in the project, I was unsure what was necessary for the best VR performance, so I stripped a lot of things back in order to understand what was necessary and what wasn’t, and to understand what I could learn.

Lighting

Unreal allows for a lot of great visual effects through different types of volumes and lighting scenarios. I found that I mostly wanted very well-lit levels without too many harsh shadows, so a Sky Light and a Directional Light was necessary. A directional light acts as a kind of sun-light, that isn’t dependant on position, only the angle of the light source. There can be more than one directional light in a level to create more light, and it was necessary for some scenes such as the Giantess scene in the beginning. There can only be one sky light in a level, as this acts as an ambient light, that captures distant parts of the level and uses those colours as a light. It allows for softer, lighter shadows.

VR Pawn

Once the levels had been reached a state I was happy to move on with and I had planned where the player would stand and the path they would walk while editing, I wanted to create a VR camera class and pawn in C++, because I had noticed a lot in Unreal was created using Blueprints, and I wanted to show some programming in the work. I followed a tutorial I found online, and created a very simple VR Game Mode and VR Pawn (x). I only really wanted the HMD movement and to be able to move the Pawn around the scene, so I didn’t invest any time in interaction at this point. I had created all the levels in one project, and at this point, I migrated those levels into a new blank C++ project. This allowed me to get rid of any clutter of assets and write my own simple code.The VR Pawn had a camera component attached to its root component, so later on in the project, I used attached the pawn to an empty object that could be moved around in Sequencer, which I learned to do from a tutorial about using Sequencer with VR (x).

Reflection

I think the skills I learned helped me to fully realise the work. There were times that were extremely difficult, but I was able to continue and do my best to find out any method I could to complete a task.

Exhibition

Audience Engagement

I expected some people to engage much with a narrative VR experience in a group exhibition, so I was cautious about the kinds of visuals that people would see when first putting on the headset, and I was mindful of the length of the whole piece, as well as the lengths of each scene. I wanted to communicate an intended method of experience for the audience in my installation with comfortable beanbags and a relaxed VR setup, with no controllers or headset stand. I wanted this to invite people to put on the headset and sit down and just watch. With regards to the piece itself, I am satisfied with the overall experience. The installation itself was not excessively busy, allowing everyone who participated time to immerse themselves physically with the beanbags as well as through the headset. Each time I returned, I saw people exclaiming how much they were enjoying it, and I received numerous instances of very positive feedback.

Throughout the project I made sure I told people about my ideas and got feedback. This really helped me to make clear and effective choices with concepts. During and after the exhibition, I had many people approaching me to talk about my work. From these discussions I felt I learned more about my own intentions and how my work could be interpreted by others. These discussions also helped me to know where the work could go in the future, because I will definitely continue to work on this.

I was particularly proud to have been congratulated on my work by such a spectrum of artistic backgrounds. People with no knowledge of computing were extremely complimentary about the visuals and overall immersive quality of the experience; my fellow students praised me for the scale of it and I was approached by established artists offering me opportunities to work with them based on my aptitude with Unreal Engine and the unique concepts I used; some saw a connection within the themes of my work with work they have produced.

Contribution

Towards the exhibition itself, I was in a separate room with another student. I repainted the walls of the room and cleaned it out to ensure it was fit to hold two exhibits without clashing for space; I helped many other students with cleaning and repairing walls, as well as tidying the space to keep it as clean as possible visually. I helped run the bar for an hour during the middle of the night so that other people had a chance to speak to the audiences for their work, but I feel my most significant contribution was organising Curator’s Day for our exhibition. I arranged for a curator and two artists to come and visit the exhibition two days after it opened, when it was less busy, so that everyone involved would have an opportunity to have a professional appraisal and receive feedback that I felt would be beneficial for everybody. The evening was received well and saw another high attendance, so I felt thoroughly involved in what was a successful attempt to invite more people into the exhibition space and have the students want to talk, and want to feel more engaged with the whole exhibition.

Conclusion

Planning

I kept a sketchbook with me at almost all times that I made a lot of notes and sketches in. I kept my blog as up-to-date as possible most of the time, and I felt that really helped me during production and planning. I could look back at ideas I had or images I had reblogged to refresh my mind.

I feel I was quite successful with planning my time spent on the work, it seemed as though lots of things changed along the way which sometimes made planning very difficult. Some small issues took a long time to fix, and a lot of work was sometimes produced very quickly. The project presented a massive learning curve for me, but I felt I stayed on top of everything quite well. I also managed well with scaling back the project when I knew I couldn’t complete things before the deadline. I didn’t miss out on the quality of the work that way, and made sure it never felt incomplete.

How I Feel

Ultimately, I feel strong senses of pride and catharsis having completed my work. Everything I produce is innately tied to my own life and emotions; this more than any other was connected to me emotionally. On a purely personal level, it has filled me with incredible confidence and joy to see a major piece of work that is so intrinsically linked to me- not only on public display, but received so unanimously well. I am extremely proud with the techniques I have learned on Unreal Engine; having taught myself for the entire duration of the task, I am now a considerably more talented digital artist- but knowing I attained the ability through my own work ethic is something I am equally elated over.

If I had more time then I would have worked more on aspects of the sound design. I originally envisaged creating my own soundtrack, embellished with a host of ambient sounds across the world to truly foster a sense of immersion and characterising the world a little more. I would also liked to have added more major and unique voices across the cast; it proved too difficult to source people who were able to fit the voices I wanted within the timeframe. I am very pleased to be able to say that I do not feel the lack of these detracts from the overall experience whatsoever; it is more a sense of knowing what could have been that lingers. I would also like to explore more player interaction to allow for deeper storytelling. I wanted the work to be more like a video game, and I don’t think I’m far from achieving that in the future.

This leads into my plans for the future, however. Splitting the Sky has shown that it I am capable of producing the work that initially feels too daunting; I know now that I have the ability to visualise the projects I have thought of for years. Furthermore, displaying my own personal vulnerabilities in my work was necessary for me but not something I felt comfortable with; for the first time now I have a successful reference piece that I can use to remind myself that my work can be valid and powerful. I will feel more at ease conveying work that deals with trauma; to be offered opportunities in the immediate future because of it is something I am truly grateful for.

Being so personally involved with every level of running the event has given me a hunger to be engaged with more exhibitions. I was content previously to simply dream up work, whereas I feel a voracious desire to display what I do for people to see in a way I previously have never felt. Finally, in terms of my personal development as a consequence of the project, there were an absurd number of times where it felt Sisyphean and that I was simply making no progress. I have never showed more determination in my life than in completing this project; I feel that my perseverance alone has helped me grow significantly. The task has been a deeply poignant one for me; there were many times I believed it was insurmountable. Having completed it and had time to assess it, I feel it was a successful venture for both myself and my growth as an artist.