#*dancer voice* WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SAMURAI

[asteraegis]

*twirling my hair* more hien doodles of varying effort

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth-Baiken And Jalter X Reader

Baiken glared at the girl with permanent duffel bags under her eyes who sat across from her with a rather self satisfied smile on her face as she pulled out a small pocketbook and opened it to the first page.

“So then, let’s start with something simple. What are you feeling at this moment?” Delilah asked, reading from her small book aloud.

Baiken tried to bite her tongue to stop from answering, alas, it was all for naught.

“Equal parts seething fury and begrudging pride at you getting one over on me. Also, you better know that you ain’t gonna be making tea any time soon and that you are going to be cleaning the house for the rest of time.” Baiken answered in a venomous voice that would strike most mortals dead.

“I expected that and we both knew I would already be doing that. You are hopeless when it comes to cleaning.” Delilah retorted before returning to her book.

“Listen here you little-” Baiken began to curse but was interrupted once more as a blur of blue shot into the room, making Baiken’s stomach plummet to the deepest depths of hell.

“Delilah, I just got your message! What did you do!?” Anji Mito exclaimed in fear, a piece of paper drenched in some sort of red residue clenched tight in his hand.

“I see you got my summons. I apologize for the ketchup stains on the note.” Delilah stated seriously.

“KETCHUP!?” Anji exclaimed in equal parts shock and relief.

“Yes, now zip it. We have questions to ask.” Delilah ordered Anji, swatting his concerns away with ease.

“Wha- What does that mean!? What’s going on!?” the man in blue exclaimed in confusion.

“If you must know-” Delilah began before she was oh so rudely interrupted by Baiken, who, as to be expected in a situation like this, blurted out-

“This little gremlin drugged me with a Truth Serum!”

“DELILAH!!!” Anji exclaimed with a disappointed tone of voice.

Delilah ignored him.

“That is incorrect, I used a magic sign on the bottom of the cup to make you tell the truth.” Delilah stated, correcting Baiken’s previous statement.

“Where did you even learn to do that?” Anji asked, deeply confused.

Delilah’s eyes quickly cut to the side and in the direction of the bed that was in the corner of the room before looking back at the blue clad dancer.

“Secret.” was all she said in response to Anji’s question.

Anji looked as if he was about to prepare an argument but then he remembered who he was talking to.

Delilah, the second most stubborn creature alive.

At this realization he promptly sat down next to the girl, his confusion quickly turning to a mischievous smirk on his face as he realized the situation he was now a part of and the unique opportunity it allowed him.

“So, Delilah, this truth spell, it means Baiken can’t lie?” Anji asked the young girl with a smirk on his face.

“Correct.” Delilah responded with her usual dead expression on her face.

“So… Baiken, am I your best friend?” Anji asked, looking the poor samurai dead in the eyes.

The second the question left Anji’s mouth and entered Baiken’s ears, her jaw immediately clenched and her teeth began to grind against one another as a vein in her head began to throb and she went red in the face.

“Y…Yes, y-you are my best f-f-friend!” Baiken struggled out, and as soon as the words left her mouth slammed her head into the table and let out a long, drawn out “Fuck” as the smuggest smile in the history of smug smiles grew on Anji’s face.

“The two of you are horrible people.” Baiken hissed, her glowing red face still on the table.

“I am aware.”

“That’s fair, best friend~.”

Baiken proceeded to let out a bloodcurdling scream of pure embarrassed rage.

This, of course, grabbed a certain someone’s attention.

Yours.

And that is what led you to where you stood right now, looking at Baiken who had an utterly terrified expression as she looked into your eyes and you looked into hers.

“Uh… Delilah? What’s going on?” you asked, deeply confused.

“We are forcing Sis to talk about her feelings. Here is an example.” Delilah answered before looking at Baiken once more and asking a question.

“What do you think about them?” Delilah asked as she pointed at you.

Baiken’s face turned crimson as she looked at you, however, unlike the last few questions she had been asked, it was not due to strain from being asked the question, it was due to something else.

“I… love them. Far more than I should. Far more than I deserve to be able to.” was all Baiken said before she had enough of this situation and flipped the table as she shot up and bolted out the door.

For a moment, you, Delilah, and Anji watched the now broken door before you spoke.

“We… should go after her shouldn’t we.”

“Yes.” Delilah stated as she stood up and BED creaked to life.

“Absolutely.” Anji declared as he stood up and stretched.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It took you about an hour to find her.

She was sitting on the bank of a shallow river, her knees at her chin and an unreadable expression on her face.

Quietly, you sat down next to the pink haired samurai.

For a long while, the two of you remained like that, and not a single word passed between the two of you.

Then, Baiken must have gotten tired of the deeply uncomfortable silence between the two of you as she was the one who started speaking first.

“So, the cat’s outta the bag now.” Baiken muttered, looking down.

“Yup.” was your response.

“So… do you-” Baiken began to ask as she turned to look at you before she cringed and turned her gaze downwards once more.

“Well, seeing as I’ve had a massive crush on you for a while, yeah…” you answered the question Baiken didn’t finish asking.

“Ah.” Baiken quietly exclaimed before looking at you once more.

“Well, be warned, I’m a handful.” Baiken declared, a smirk on her face.

“So I’ve been told, but in my opinion, that’s part of your charm.” was all you said in response as the two of you looked back at the river, the previous awkward silence now replaced with a far more comfortable one.

You expected many things to happen today.

You did not expect to be forced against a wall by Jeanne D’arc Alter, a servant who you are convinced has it out for you personally, and to have words came out of her mouth in a wild tirade that was little more than a stream of consciousness with it all washing over you like a wall of skin melting and bone charring flame directed squarely at you.

“I love you and I hate you. I adore you and I despise you. I want you to be mine and mine alone and I want to burn you to ash so I don’t have to see your face. You make me want to live and you kill me with your very existence. I want to hold you softly and I want to see you crushed under a hail of boulders. Everything I feel for you is completely and utterly contradictory. I can’t stand it. I want more of it. I want all of it.”

She promptly let you go, and stomped off, leaving no room or time for you to fully realize or comprehend what she had just told you.

For some reason, you got the feeling Da Vinci was responsible for this.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“GASP Do you believe I, the brilliant genius Da Vinci-Chan, is the root of all evil in Chaldea?” Da Vinci asked in mock offense, the back of her hand on her forehead and her eyes closed.

“If it’s not you, it's BB.” you curtly responded with what you believed to be true.

“Rude.” Da Vinci deadpanned.

“And?” you snarked back.

The two of you stared each other down for a long while, waiting to see who would cave.

Da Vinci caved first.

“Ugh, fine. Yes, I made a small tweak to dear Jalter’s Saint Graph. Nothing major, just an experiment to try and stabilize the inherent instabilities of the Avenger Class. It was… partially successful. It stabilized her Saint Graph, but… well you experienced the effect first hand.” Da Vinci quickly explained as she put her face in her hand.

“Yes, it was a deeply surreal experience that I have no idea if I ever want to repeat.” you responded.

“Really? Y’know some people would consider her a catch, right?” Da Vinci asked, turning her head to the side.

“Up until 30 minutes ago I thought she completely despised me.” you answered, your arms crossed.

“Yeah… welp, go get her. In other words, get out of my workshop.” Da Vinci declared, making a shooing motion with her hands.

“You expect me to clean up your mess?” you asked, incredulously.

“Yes.” Da Vinci responded while looking at you like you were crazy.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

You walked down the hall towards your room, a migraine making itself known as you made your final approach.

“Bout damn time, I’ve been waiting here all damn day.” the same voice that has been echoing in your head all day hissed.

You looked up, and lo and behold, there stood the source of your migraine.

Jeanne D’arc Alter, leaning on the wall next to your room with her arms crossed, her finger tapping on her arm, and an expression that clearly did not match her words.

For a moment, the two of you stood in silence until you spoke.

“Uh… hello?”

“Hey.” Jalter responded, her eyes boring a hole through you.

“So… are we gonna talk or…” You began to ask before trailing off.

“Why would I be waiting here if I was just going to ignore it?” Jalter responded, gesturing with her head towards your door.

It was time for Jalter to face something she couldn't burn away.

It was time for her to face something that could only be defeated with words.

If she was being honest, she would much rather be facing a monster she could spear and burn.

[rockintapper]

the um

te sec2ond one, the thi3rd one

ok so basically i say whar i think about rhythm heavem chatacters. starting with Tengoku brcuase why nawt

readmore ebcuase this posr long as hell!!!!! please work this time

uh

karate joe: hi kasper the he <3 i wana hug him,

hair vegetables: what Thr fcuk

sarge: idk. attention march

squadmates: petar

air batter AIRBATTERR 💕💞💕💞💕💕💞💕💞💕💕💞💕💞💕💞💞💕💞

space umpire: perpetual smiler

the clappy trio: your sequel stinks!!!! /sillay i love your wigs

sneaky spirits: get bow and arrow'd l plud ratio /j

samurai steve: hi sage hes really cool actual6 #chilling

yokai (the thingies the samurai slices): pe uliar little cratures. up to no good

rats: thr cheese

ms. whiskers: THE FIRST CAT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

sick beats doctor/dr. cutlery: hes vibing ong. why do you hsve an endless game

thr viruses: leav that litlle guy alone >:(!!!!!!!

yellow organism (sick beats): little guye :) dj yelo

the donpans: theyre all dating your honor

yagura-chan: spiteful luttle child i love her. may she grow up and pan

mahou tsukai: hi rocket The WIZARB!!!! magic autism

ojou-chan: flowers autism

the monster (wizard's waltz): STOP EATING MY PLANTS

pengiuns (showtime): yhe dillays i love them they deerve the worl

monkey (showtime): i just read about him. gonna make him explode now

rabbit: boing boing boing boing boing b

tram and pauline/poline: hi cheese THE FOXES the foxes ever hth foxes ever the

space gramps: i widh he was my grangpa 💔 /j

space dancers: pa-pa-pa-PUNCH! put some respect on my boys plea

q maou: AAGH. AAH. AAHHG. AG

contestant: hi 56 hes. hes jist like me frfr /hj

play-yan: hi sunny i really liek. his uh level. minigame. wharever it s called its like. really calming. unless im Going for a Perfect!

mini chounin (power caligraphy): the dancing dancers

akai mono (polyrhythm): i uh. i dont have anything about these thangs. what

RAPMEN: YO. SANJI DESUKA

urakata aki to ki (bouncy road): my children. i love them. i would Kill for th

spheroids (bouncy road): you have a page? on the rh wiki? what?

ninja and the lord (ninja no shison/ninja bodyguard): augh

toss boys: hi ninety The toss bous. they hehheeh3he hugs ao-kun

yuka: YIPPR YIPEEE YIPEE YIPEEEE YIPEEEOEIRIRJ HI T YUKAIEJEBE ^_^ totally isnt dating a tall tapper shes totally not dating a tall ta /lie

giraffe: dont fucking look at me like that

tanaka (ninja reincarnate): AAHHHHHAHAHAEHRHDSHSHEHD /VPOS I LOVE HIM IDK WHERE THIS LOVE FOR HIM CAME FROM BUT I LOVR HIM

kanojo: ypure in good hands. mostly. (cant get the fast part of ninja reincarnate)

waru mono (ninja reincarnate): w,,ario?? w

soshiSOSHIIIIIIII SSOHIIIIII SOSIIOOII SOSHIII EOSBSISI SHSOHSHSIJSSOSHUSII SHSOOSIUSHISJS SOOHSIIII SOSHIII SSOSHISJEOWSHIWJEOWJWJSJSSJEJESK SOSHSISB SSOSHHS

cosmic girl: Rude™ (/hc). may also be the commander in amrching oerders 2,

cosmic dancers: space dancers HATE THEM! /silly

TH RAPP WOEMNEKENENNE kan sbejebdjeTHR RPA WOMRN THEJEBR YURIIIIIIIII JRIIII YUEIII YUIII!!! YHRIIII hi cheese

MAN-K: mN i lovr him hes so cool dud e whaha

biribiriuo (night walk 2): STOP ELECTROCUTING PLAY YAN 💔💔💔💔

usamimi maki sensei: i love the face she makes whe n i press a button too earlu/late. may also be cosmic girl

space rabbits: ive seen you in waroiware.... pets yu

buta-san (tengoku remix 7): pigy :]

barista: i hc his voice is jasmine wright's from the rh iceberg

people at the café: only (canon) black person in the entire series helooo

neko machine: meow. meow. meow.meow owah owah mah? mah? o-mah? m

honse machien: wha,

love-san: suki (cheering)

mr. upbeat: hi tomano tucking him in giving him a goodnight kiss and a glass of milk <3

mannequin; i wonder what game yoyll be in the futue

anata: hi 56 i love his goofy ass smile go girl give us everything

drum girls: wait whered they come fro

samurai drummer: no way. it Tsunk

samurai drummer's band: i did not know you existed hello??

oba-chan: protect. protect. protect.

pwner: Kill. Kill. Kill Kill. Kill. Kill. Ki

producer: who tf are you? what? wait lemme rrad about yo7 furst

im back. music autism

ok thats all the characters in rhythm tengok!!! thanks for Did yiu read all of tjis? zamn!! congrats dude /gn

[sugar-petals]

SuperM as Boyfriends Headcanon

↪ caro’s note. extra long version because i miss ‘em. best boys, they’re all bf material to the moon and back ♡

5k words | bullet points

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub play, shibari, female reader, grinding, poly mentions, threesomes, face-sitting, femdom & vanilla, smut and fluff

⌈ ten

— motto: they won’t underestimate me for long.

most of your social environment is gonna be confused by ten at the beginning 

and don’t really get what he’s all about

or think he’s like whatever, some random guy in a tank top

acting peculiar

finding him kind of hard to gauge

some of your family and relatives might even think he’s totally unusual and a sneaky fuckboy making you mad 

they seriously wonder what you see in him

down the line that perception has turned by 180 degrees

as it should

ten becomes more irreplaceable, relatable, beautiful, perfect and impressive the more you know him

he’s not as mysterious and impossibly badass as everyone assumes

his personality is very approachable to you 

and you find him interesting in every aspect, looks to hobbies to background to personal habits

and also opinions because ten is a guy who really thinks stuff through

so you gotta be roughly on the same wavelength 

he likes discussing controversial and complicated stuff a lot for sure

being far wiser than his age suggests 

you are the first to share those things with him until the rest of the world catches up to this gem of a person

spending so much time with you

in the most personal way he can

he takes you to see the floating markets in bangkok, you spend the summer in thailand

wakeboarding and playing badminton

his entire family knows you inside out at some point this shit is serious

it’s very important to him to go back to the roots every now and then

and that you have been around his home city as well

getting to enjoy the area and time together eating the most savory delicacies

renting a boat and paddling you around to the important spots, he can explain any question you have

this kissing is gonna be so romantic 

who needs a vacation in venice when you can go to thailand with none other than ten himself as your ferryman let that sink in

except eating durian there he is, the boyfriend who can do anything!

with seemingly no effort

ten does little kind services of love for you throughout the day

he pours you herbal tea, fixes some furniture (he’s surprisingly good at tinkering), comes home from the bakery with your favorite pastry, does the laundry with your favorite fabric softener

he also goes on a huge shopping spree with you monthly because fashion is key in this household and it’s tremendous fun

you giggle when he puts on oversized shirts deliberately to look funny

everyone in the clothing store will think oh man what an adorable pair

ten will model the living hell out of the entire stock

and buy you the cape you really really want as a birthday present

said item turns out to be your favorite couple accessory

because you can sit next to each other on a bench at the river and wear it

what’s not to love about a portable blanket

of course he will take to instagram and make it such a cool thing, photographies of you wearing really cool coats and jackets

mirror bathroom selfies together as well, with a back hug, the classic

and not just for insta

you snuggle a lot generally

ten is always available for affection

and accepts all PDA

he’s a kitty after all, he loves the warmth of your body more than you know

remember how taemin said ten’s hands are always cold, newsflash not anymore since you stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie whenever you can

and hello sir your paws will be nice and cozy on my waist

or hand in hand when you waltz through your apartment

time for dance is a must

oh my god ten is so good at all of this

although say he’s definitely faster into latin than standard genres

tango argentino, he loves flamenco as well

don’t believe me? ten is a diehard rosalía stan!

vamos

so, no-brainer, expect a lot of dancy stuff 

that escalates into wild, passionate fucking

which probably looks like an aggressive form of couple exercises

you poor sore souls

ten’s lil kitty butt is falling apart from all the “i can handle a bigger one!”-level pegging and you have aching legs all over

favorite position? full nelson

if you ask me ten’s ass is probably so carved out by the end of this you could fit lucas and kai in there from head to toe

this is not for the faint of heart

sex with this guy is extra cardio

and if you’re into that a threesome is gonna go down sooner or later

with our girl lisa

there. i said it

miss manoban in those knee-high boots, grinding her thighs between yours and you finishing off on ten’s face? the fucking hottest thing ever i need a moment wow

i don’t have to tell you how orgasmic this is gonna be

steamy sex life with ten very recommended

⌈ kai

— motto: you’re like a precious rose. i’ll protect you forever.

to be straightforward with you

he is in so heavily in demand it’s madness

to give you an idea of the scale

mark is basically occupied by yuta until the end of time 

but kai has an entire idol fanclub on top of all erigoms

those sharp moves did not go unnoticed

he gets an inkigayo sandwich every other day

jesus christ

if rent-a-sexy-bf.com was a thing kai would be the most requested

his phone would be blowing up with contracts like

and you also have to pass kyungsoo’s vibe check

and taemin’s

the road to being kai’s gf is indeed the way of the samurai

i mean honestly: kim jongin is without a doubt the hardest member to get a date with

this has got to be the most selective man of the entire industry or something

if he likes you he REALLY likes you

and he will be the one showing initiative

because he wants to make it clear he isn’t just spending time out of politeness or something

although it’s pretty logical that if kai was unable to reject someone he would no longer be an idol but a harem husband busy every hour of the day

seoul would be able to found its own village 

kai town

where like 70% of the population is pregnant

but since kai wants to keep on dancing obviously and he wants to lend his heart to only one person 

seoul has to settle with a singular nini family house instead of a kai district

where you and the man himself are a full-fledged household basically since kai’s nieces double as actual kids

if you wanna be a young ass ‘mom but not mom with kids’ and be married to kim kai this is it

does he have a thing for milfs or something

that thought just came to my mind

anyway you’re mommy anyway wink wink

fucking til’ dawn until even his muscles hurt

going raw at the gym together

him cooking the most random food with the infamous waffle maker

cuddling with an army of teddy bears surrounding you

walking the dogs with the sexiest dancer alive 

and the sexiness is only the tip of the iceberg 

we know he’s all-round amazing

kai is the king of figuring out ways to chill out with you anywhere anytime

and yes innocent chilling

...unless you’re in the mood for something else

up to you

anyway

sweet innocent chilling for now... with the stunner... just smooching at best things aren’t going raw or anything

on the couch in the kitchen in the car when it’s parked somewhere in nature

kai takes you very seriously and is a great listener

he’s literally so respectful and open-minded i can’t

he will keep your secrets and stand up for you if it’s ever needed

yes he is extremely caring and invested

kai does not tolerate others being shady towards you

if there’s an instance where you are hurt and unable to assert yourself don’t worry. he knows how to confront others with measure but a firm determination.

kai takes a lot of that responsibility but only to the degree where you are comfortable

i think you get what i mean by that

and he is diplomatic instead of plain patronizing

you have a right to be protected. it means he not only treats you well, but also makes sure your well-being isn’t disturbed in any other way outside of the relationships

outside influences aren’t to be underestimated

and since kai is a godly man you encounter a lot of jealousy from others

a matter he will take into his hands since he knows he’s the reason

standing up for you also means saying no 

to these jealous voices so this is an important boundary he has to draw

that all kinds of hellbent people want to get into his pants and take his stage image too literally is not up to you to fix

kai is there for you to enjoy and love not to defend

that’d be exhausting and beside the point 

kai prevents stress and negativity to come to you

i hope i explained this well he doesn’t do this to be bossed up or make you weak it’s because he wants to make life easier for you

guys being protective will be chalked up as chauvinistic these days. often rightfully so 

but what i mean is that kai support you in all regards so you won’t be at a disadvantage or feel terrible about something

⌈ taeyong

— motto: we’ll take good care. enjoy the pleasure.

he’s the type of boyfriend who will ask you about things he missed out on while he was busy

things um from the internet

while mark literally knows that one by heart already taeyong will ask you things like what the wellerman song is

and you thought it would be something nsfw

i got you fooled

did we forget that the man literally watched nct memes on youtube

taeyong is both even more 18+ than you think but also even more innocent than you think it’s complicated

this man is just hard to describe he’s so different, i mean every person is unique but he’s an original it’s the extra mile you know

anyway

sea shanties

bopping to it all day since he just heard it 

singing it while he prepares dinner based on a youtube recipe video as he often does

he’s the most adorable person ever ever ever

asking you why shanties are back in fashion 

(good question, requires a deeper sociocultural analysis i reckon)

planning to remix one for his soundcloud lmao i kid you not

maybe your favorite shanty 

featuring fast-pace rap and all

creating his own previously unknown phrases and shit like that you know him

palazzo rocco lemon detox flashbacks

he’s hilarious i swear

taeyong will produce his own shanties for you can you imagine

as he says: my happiness is your happiness

watch out he will drop a shanty music video with extra krumping moves

taeyong is a never-ending source of pure crack

prepare to laugh a lot like, a lot lot

how can a man who seemingly has such a serious outlook on life and such a bonkers kinda face be so lighthearted

it’s like he’s peter pan or something

especially since he has to manage like over 20 brats in nct his cutesy behavior towards you as his gf will stand out to you

yeah so to be clear we all know he’s the cute one in the relationship

and guess who wears the pants

that’s always you ma’am don’t deny it

or wait 

not for long actually because they come off um physically

but not metaphorically

because who doesn’t wanna sit on his face tbh

your favorite reserved spot

he loves it

taeyong has such a thing for your body it’s ridiculous

mister lee got a sexy mama

and you have such a thing for the gloriousness that is him

but neither of you will not admit it as openly as other people would think

all there is... is being flustered

baekhyun probably has to play some cupid now and then

and give you some ideas

like gifting taeyong plushies and things like that

baekhyun knows what taeyong is all about so the advice is very welcome

but most things you find out for yourself

by being a little braver with him you know

you walking around naked in the apartment or basically fresh out the shower with nothing but a towel

will shake up taeyong so immensely, he will back himself against a wall without you even pinning him there lmao!

jeez he’s so deep into kinky stuff but easily shook anyway

i quote him again: “born to be cute, i dunno!”

you can imagine the overwhelm when you rub yourself against him like it’s nobody’s business

it’s so much fun to give taeyong a regular horny meltdown not gonna lie

this man was grinding his whole body all over the superm stage and now he’s basically freezing up and drooling

how many denied and ruined orgasms he’s gonna get, so much overstimulation all the way  

you’ll lose count of it

and just how wet you’re gonna be

is a thing for the history books

taeyong isn’t such a big deal in nct for no reason god gave him every talent 

so great sex is obviously in his repertoire

i think you’re gonna break some records for most fucks per week

you know... guys like lucas taemin kai and baekhyun spend more time wooing and teasing and flirting

but taeyong gets down to business

one glance is enough

⌈ lucas

— motto: the hottest couple around.

ah, big boy

you really got this man’s attention

doing nothing much at all really

he probably just saw you walking around talking to friends

carrying an impossibly huge veggie burger munching and enjoying yourself after going on a jog

yeah boy that’s how you catch his eye

they say love begins in the stomach and that is the true meaning

or the nose, your food smells really good, lucas is going crazy, he’s seeing stars and shit

anyway

the towering burger isn’t the only thing he wants

lucas cannot get you out of his mind no matter how much he tries to distract himself 

with more good food, movies, games

fooling around with wayv or the superm maknaes, and working out

he’s admittedly... a little himbo head over himbo heels with you the feels got to him

he’s not gonna say it’s a date he’s just gonna invite you just because

to hang out in the kitchen while taeyong cooks and baekhyun comes up with the idea to play twister

imagine lucas with his long arms and legs bending himself all over the place

fighting with kai who almost crashed his shoulders into taemin who avoided the accident quickly

making you lose a round

obviously lucas will hustle until your team wins

mostly because he’s so tall and baekhyun is so small which is a huge advantage when stacking each other over the map

let’s just face it baekhyun only suggested this game to bite everyone’s butts and to see you have skinship with lucas

which is definitely a successful plan of the leader

yukhei is in paradise 

jumping around his room like an oversized bunny after you went home

don’t lie, you fell hard for him as well he’s just such a presence

emotionally, physically

a gentle but persistent giant

he’ll do anything to make your relationship happen once he knows you’re interested

if there’s someone meant to be a boyfriend it’s gotta be him come on

he will cave in after a while and admit he can’t just forget about you 

not gonna lie

your ex is gonna be shaking in his ratty boots

his poor eyes will literally jop from their unexpecting sockets

when he sees lucas hanging out with you

with his shining blonde hair and tall stature, that perfect shapely body, with great fashion on top of that

looking like your guardian angel

man, xuxi really does

pulling you out of your slump that’s been going on for months

and bringing back smiles and a good time he knows how to do that best

and big big hugs of course

you can imagine how soothing and grounded it feels with such huge arms around you

he will make sure that feeling is always there when you need it

because you deserve that treatment

which means he will come over very very often

yeah get ready for how yukhei is a lot more driven than you think just dial and he will be there

underneath the meme surface is someone very determined who really really wants you

yukhei is chaotic good incarnate but in that area he isn’t messing around

his brain is like: “gotta be with her”

on repeat

he must call you, he literally can’t sleep without tying loose ends together as quickly as possible

no second wasted with this guy, even far down the relationship timeline

i really pity your ex 

i mean someone dating any superm member would drive their former partner completely nuts 

but lucas is a special case

he has that kind of look and aura that makes other guys dig themselves into the ground like wiggling worms or cope by fanboying over him

i don’t wanna make this sound like a competition and yet — congrats on your noodly blondie boyfriend alright

⌈ mark

— motto: two nerds in love.

how to explain this. mark is a perfect balance of a lover, a talker, and a shy bean

with a tendency toward bean

and flicking the bean

you know

cutting right to the chase are we

mark is very invested in pleasing you as good as he can

and defeating his awkwardness

because if we know one thing it’s that he always strives to become better and better like he can’t help it

and isn’t afraid of almost biting off more than he can chew

how many subunits is he part of at this point is it gonna be nct hollywood as well god dangit

back to the point mark doesn’t treat relationships and sex as something static which is a good and rare thing

he does his best and always looks for room to improve

while being very nervous, very bilingual, it takes two languages or more to express what he thinks about you let that sink in

that’s very shaky first date sex while being extremely in love with each other

lucky you

and an afterglow where he plays the guitar for you

that’s so nice 

he can play it while laying down and shit

while singing

not rapping, actual full-fledged serenading

we’ve heard how that sounds in the relay cam

are you dating some kind of teenage heartthrob or something huh

mark will make it very clear he’ll stick around, this bad bitch is here to stay

or actually, he’s a good bitch, don’t misunderstand

mark doesn’t have a lot of edgy in him unless rap is concerned

he’s the kinda guy to get lost in IKEA with 

having a good time 

as often as his schedule permits

you really have to make use of your time together 

this man might as well the busiest idol out there

and you are no different because birds of a feather

you’re both mr. and ms. independent 

out and about very often

so meeting up becomes something special during comeback season

or wait mark always has a comeback going on

which is a double-edged sword but something you both know you signed up for 

which is why you spend a lot of time around NCT dream, 127, and SuperM 

sm’s publicity agents have to work extra hard i’m telling you

a dating rumor is the last thing both of you would need

since you befriend several members you gotta stay on the low as well

but hey the rage of jealous people of the public is nothing compared to the force of nature that is yuta nakamoto

who seriously thinks himself threatened and robbed

in case you are feeling possessive as well...

...you might have to fistfight yuta

to be able to be with mark

who is basically property of osaka at this point

yuta is a scorpio that’s just the way it is

unlike taeyong who wishes his rap buddy the best, yuta kinda wants to be mark’s wingman and see him date, live his best life

but also have mark for himself to fawn over and to adore, to be fascinated by

we get it yuta. bisexual struggles. very understandable

you have to promise in person that mark doesn’t forget about the holy gaming nights with yuta 

which is hilarious since that’s not up to you but mark’s memory

bestie, yuta uses everyone as a scapegoat don’t sweat it too much

regardless you put a weekly reminder on the fridge

so the roaring lion yuta would be pacified

he doesn’t want to lose his sweetheart can you blame him

the ultimate but also most risky solution is obviously inviting yuta for movies 

which will be appreciated but also cause a storm

mark will definitely break a sweat when you start a popcorn war or try to prove who hugs mark the best 

caught in the middle of mayhem is mark lee’s specialty what did you expect

this either ends with murder or a chaotic open relationship down the line

yuta really is attached but who wouldn’t be

it could be worse mark has double the love you know 

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you wanna know why i’m your candy?

baby tell me are you ridin’?

in fair verona where we lay our scene...

that baekhyun always wants to woo you — his way, which proves to be very interesting to say the least — is never hard to miss

putting in effort is mochi default mode 

no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in

he might as well regularly serenade you under your balcony in the backyard just because

probably singing ‘baby we can stay up’ and wiggling his ass in all directions because he’s a dirty boy gone wild

yeah. nowadays romeo is twerking instead of feuding with tybalt

that’s good for him and everyone involved

you in particular because you get some very racy eye candy

you know how baekhyun is

at least nobody’s around seeing him put on an 18+ show like that

your little guy is one unhinged fella

if it starts pouring he will grind up and down the next lantern and belt out ‘singing in the rain’

you bet he can do some actual pole dance

he’s strong and bendy you know

and loves to gyrate his whole bag of bones like... he wants to hit you with all the body rolls

in the rain

what a freaky man

but hey you wanna stay up for sure 

doesn’t take long until you beckon him to come upstairs

where the only way to alleviate him of his wet clothes—

oh well he has those roger rabbit vibes and you can’t be mad at it

he will play off all his hormonal antics

baekhyun is hilarious

and so perverted, he can keep up with your spicy idea of playing patty-cake don’t worry

how do i know you’re an extra nsfw kinda person?

who else would like baekhyun

he says juicy things all the time

and does juicy things

yes. finally a couple on eye level indeed. 

when baekhyun asks are you ridin’ you ask how hard 

bruh

this is gonna be fun

and remember

beside handing you sacks of money

his priority is always to make you smile

i’m kidding about the bags but

baekhyun is so rich it’ll show in your relationship, but he’s more about the interactions with you rather than the lifestyle

baekhyun didn’t hustle for a bentley he hustled to sing and get out of sm alive alright

financial stability: important

luxury: very nice to have, he can make you the presents you want to have and travel a lot together

but smiles: baekhyun priority

because he so badly wants to know you love him and adore him, he sometimes feels so insecure

of course you do

you always reassure him with your reactions

it’s very important to him don’t underestimate it

baekhyun has always been talking about his ideal type in terms of how he can cheer her up

so even the naughtiest sexy time evenings are gonna be filled with all giggles

anyway other than that your pussy will be dripping

because this guy is as horny as all other members of super m combined

and you have your ways of leaving him tongue-tied and wrists-tied

taemin’s impact

superm isn’t short of bondage supplies we all know that

so yeah. shibari baekhyun is gonna happen

since he does pilates imagine what kinda shapes you can bend this lil guy into

and take some pictures

privé is in trouble 

bondage model baekhyun is bursting onto the scene

you might even run a risque blog that features cropped pictures with him

heh — you think people will recognize him by his body?

nope

first: you only upload HD pictures that aren’t whitewashed

baekhyun is basically never photographed like that

second: who expects baekhyun to be featured on a bdsm blog with his girlfriend

and this is the guy that drives you around in his expensive car with his big black shades on 

well what can i say

nothing is the way it seems

⌈ taemin

— motto: i’ll unfold a whole new world for you.

taemin is cocky, he’s sensual, and: a very smiley person as we know

least boring relationship ever

he will prance toward you whenever he can to involve you in cuddles

touch-starved taemin is a thing

kkoong can tell you about it, he needs kisses and embraces so often

might as well pepper him with it no problem

and put him into your oversized sweaters when he eats ice cream on the sofa, watching movies, and you brush his ever-growing hair

he’s smol he’s gonna fit into them don’t worry

and on the other hand he likes a rough and tough girl who thinks of him like a boy toy

who acts tsundere or like his bodyguard

working out almost daily to the point of sweat all over

a gal probably able to pretzel minho lucas and chanyeol into one giant bundle

taemin truly has the taste of a divo

multi-layered as always

so you couldn’t say the relationship is always the same in sentiment, the vibe of the dynamic could be different every day

we love a complex man

what would be volatile to others is actually an advantage up close

because taemin understands every difficult facet of himself and his partner 

even if those facets might be contradictory

or something that’s felt shameful about

he will accept and listen anyway

the same goes for getting what drives you

taemin is like a walking psychology velvet couch with fancy swirls as arm rests

point is he isn’t fooled by the surface of the world

he knows what has to be known

which also means your looks aren’t the part he prioritizes

and not even outward personality and habit is what he’s drawn to

it’s the mentality and values underneath

that’s true compatibility to him and he can feel it

he’s really really smart

and also finds it important that you get along with shinee and superm, that you think they’re nice to be around and vice versa

especially kai as taemin’s absolute bearly bestie. if kai thinks you’re shady and you don’t like kai either

or if you’re permanently super awkward and taemin’s moodmaking doesn’t help

we have a problem

but fair enough

kai and taemin are basically one soul at this point so if taemin likes you jongin does anyway 

bff telepathy

in fact jongin was probably the one introducing you to taemin lmao!

because he knows you go well together instinctively and he is correct

so not to worry then

and it’s good on taemin to think longterm and not see you as a person outside of social interaction y’know

cough cough he thinks about marriage, you might be ms. lee one day

here he goes again taemin is just very mature seeing you as well-rounded in every aspect of life

without letting his dick make the important decisions at the detriment of making this a relationship of two lives not just two bodies only

but obviously don’t assume taemin is no horny devil. we all know he dreams of the freakiest scenarios and fantasies in this whole group

going kinda crazy about the thought of making you cum which he always wants to try with new methods

which occupies his mind more than a big bowl of super spicy noodles which is taemin’s favorite meal so

at the same time taemin junior is definitely the same clingy attention whore as his sparkly owner

limp wrists from all the handjobs on your side

and very swollen lips from giving all that head on his side

this is gonna be interesting

he puts the 6v6 in 69

equals 69v69 am i right

but i’m serious that’s gonna be a lot of oral action

you definitely ask each other about having sex very often, daily if you have the time and find a nice spot

and how on earth do both of you keep your hands off each other sleeping in one bed

taemin is touchy as hell with no shyness, and you squish squeeze and grope this guy like the mochi he is

ah when things go both ways

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.

[dzamie]

GET FUCKED GET FUCKED GET FUUUUUUUUCKED

EAT SHIT YOU MASSIVE STONY BASTARD, CHIZURU IS A FUCKING BEAST AND YOU WERE A FOOL TO STAND IN HER WAY

General strat: two Chizurus (Dual Wield and Kazekiri, one with Golem+Stone Killer), Y’shtola, Cecil (Dualcast), Ling, and Orlandeau (friend, with Golem), everyone is null Petrify. Ling breaks Titan’s attack on odd turns, restores mana on even turns. Y’shtola starts with Protectga/Shellga, she and Cecil keep everyone alive with Curajas, and Cecil Limit Bursts whenever he can (which “refreshes” Y’s -ga requirements). The Chizurus chain Phantom Shadow with Divine Ruination in the middle, and then pray for the best.

The best part about this is that I won in quite possibly THE MOST ANIME WAY POSSIBLE, which I’ll dramatize under the cut.

*THUD!* Five bodies impact the ground, sliding away from the towering pillar of earth. They shake themselves off, stumbling as they recover from their beating. A young, white-haired man and a Miqo’te are the first to get their bearings about them, and set about bathing the group in white healing magic. A dancer in elegant, flowing dress and a pair of twin samurai soon stand again, the magic flowing around them and healing their dirt-covered wounds.

“Well, that didn’t work,” the man says, brushing some hair from his face, “phew, and that took a lot out of me.”

The samurai inspect their blades for damage, then, finding none, turn to the tired paladin. “We were doing rather well until that thing knocked Olive off the pillar,” one begins, and the other finishes with, “though really, Cecil, you needn’t protect us; we’re both quite capable of avoiding the lumbering oaf’s attacks.”

The group is interrupted by a earthshaking impact, and they turn to see a smaller copy of the foe that had defeated them, lumbering towards a nearby town. The towering titan, looking more like a moving boulder than anything else, easily knocks down trees in its path, scattering forest animals with each step. Though the team cannot see its face, it’s clear that it’s up to no good.

With a shared look of resolve, they spring to action, striking the titan before it can hurt any innocents. Cecil, with shield and sword, dutifully protects the catgirl, who in turn surrounds the group in powerful protective magic. Ling, the dancer, steps expertly through skillful moves, slowing her opponent’s blows and exposing weak points to her teammates. And the samurai swiftly attack with blades as identical as their wielders, interweaving each slash before the creature can react to the last. In very little time, it’s all over, and the ground shakes with the impact of the titan’s falling form.

Y’shtola is the first to speak, in a firm, even tone, “that... should work. We must pay more attention to the real one’s attacks, to avoid being thrown off again, but this strategy was very effective.”

“Agreed,” the samurai add in unison, “however, despite the sharpness of our blades, we may need help to adequately harm the monster.”

At this, an aged man, clothed in a brown, hooded robe and wielding a sword etched with glowing runes approaches them. “In that case, perhaps an old friend might be of assistance?” With a smile, he offers his hand, which Cecil joyously grasps. And so, the six of them journey once more to the top of the pillar.

Once more, they stand across from The True Titan, a hulking behemoth who may have been a mountain in a past life. With only a circle of rock to stand on above a precipitous drop, the team is firmly in his domain, and will have to fight hard to even stay there. Y’shtola raises her maplewood staff, casting a pair of powerful protection spells simultaneously. Cecil stands sturdy behind his shield, watching carefully. Ling begins a flowing, mystical dance, her moves seeming to weaken the massive enemy. The samurai dash forward, swift as the wind their katanas slice through, followed closely by arrows of light conjured by the bearded man. Titan responds, throwing giant rocks at the team, swinging with his mighty fists, and even disrupting the ground beneath them, yet the samurai leap easily from the jutting rocks, the dancer pirouettes perfectly away from the blows, and the paladin places himself between hurtling stones and the focused Miqo’te.

Enraged by the ineffectiveness of his attacks, Titan begins to glow, exposing his core in his fury. “For thee, my hatred is unyielding!” he bellows in a deep voice louder than any the team had heard, “For Thee, My Hatred Is UNENDING!” And the battle redoubles in intensity, Cecil occasionally pitching in with healing magic of his own when Y’shtola’s is not enough. 

Suddenly, the catgirl raises her hand. “Wait.” she commands, scanning the monstrous being. Another storm of stone batters the team, unretaliated, for the paladin to swiftly heal away, and then Y’shtola notices a shift in Titan’s movement. “Now! You three, before he can knock one of us away!”

The old man raises his sword as the samurai dash in again, shattering the behemoth’s core, and his concentration. Face twisted into a mask of pure, unadultered rage, Titan roars, stomping the ground. Even being near the infuriated being is painful, causing even Ling to stutter in her ongoing dance. Cecil defiantly jabs his sword to the sky and lets the moon’s power wash through him and his friends, bathing them in a silvery light. 

For a moment, everything is still, save for the fluid movements of the dancer, and then chaos erupts once more. Where before, Titan’s fists could shatter stone, he now swings with force to crack a mountain. Where before, Titan’s footsteps could shake the ground, they now cause massive spikes of stone to jut out from the battlefield. Yet, protected and empowered by the moon, the fearless team continues, weaving and striking through the tumultuous plateau. Pure white magic flows almost continuously from Y’shtola’s staff and Cecil’s sword, while the twin samurai and holy swordsman batter their hulking foe with a barrage of cuts and holy missiles.

Finally, the monster is on its last legs, barely fighting to keep upright. In the lull, Ling finishes her dance, and slowly walks up to Titan, gliding gracefully over the uneven ground. Everyone, even Titan himself, stops to watch as she curtsies, then performs a few simple steps. The green energy of an Esper surrounds her, and the image of a weaker, more humanoid being by the name of Titan appears. Its punch barely fazes him, but Ling’s cold grin tells all. She did not stop to do damage, but merely to mock the creature, striking at his heart rather than his core. Titan tenses, drawing on his earthen magic to fling the impudent dancer from the perilous pillar of stone, but is interrupted by a pair of identical samurai, wielding identical swords, trailed by swirling and weaving arrows of pure, holy light.

When the final blow is dealt, the massive, stony figure stumbles back, then falls from his own stage. In unison, the samurai sheathe their katanas as the very earth shakes with Titan’s impact. One turns to the edge, carefully looking over at the aftermath, and the other walks up to Ling, a satisfied smile still on the dancer’s face. 

“Was it worth it?” she asks. 

Ling nods, and makes a few motions, dancing even in her answer. Last time, Titan had caused her to fall from the pillar; it was great to be able to return the favor, with Titan’s own image nonetheless.

The six friends, injured, weary, yet still alive, begin their trek down the stony tower, happily retelling the fight from their perspectives. And to Ling’s credit, she only grabbed the Miqo’te’s tail twice on the way down.

[shenanigumi]

Actual First Impressions: HakuMyu LIVE 2, Act 1!

Also contains some of Act 2 for reasons. Prepare for a LOT of rapid-fire half-asleep chocolate-high thoughts, consolidated into a single super-long text post to avoid spamming and/or oversqueeing.  Good luck disentangling my observations from my emotions long enough to make any sense of either…

Atsuku Ikiro => SAMURAI Future => Yaisa! Yaisa! Yaisa! – I love this song! It’s catchy as hell and everyone gets a verse and—WAIT IS THAT SAMURAI FUTURE?!?! They’re actually quoting music from the original run?!?! Oh hey it’s Yaisa except oh my god this instrumentation is fabulous. Pieces with traditional instruments and modern beats (or really any genre of music not typically set to a modern beat) is my not-so-secret weakness. That’s why electro swing is my favorite musical genre. AAAAHHHH THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLY ARRANGED

Sidenote: The original cast can hold their own during solos, but get them all together and they’re nothing super-special. Conversely, the new cast sounds AMAZING all together, but with a few exceptions, solos seem to be their weak points. I’m still severely biased toward the original cast in most cases, but I won’t deny that I ADORE the group numbers with the new cast.

[interlude] – Huh, the audience is even more involved than usual… must be an unwritten rule of HakuMyu that Souji is a total attentionwhore. Is that Kazama and Shiranui in the background? Are they gonna reuse the “where are they” gag from the first LIVE? Oh wait. Oh wait… What the hell is happening? What are they giving Kazama, and why? Is that pocky, or something? No, that can’t be pocky; it’s too thick. But it is edible, judging from the fact that Shiranui is feeding it to him jfc please you two or else I’m going to start headcanon-ing that Shiranui hits on Kazama to make him uncomfortable whenever he steps out of line

Okita’s song (???) – …oh thank god another musical number to break up all the confusion and awkwardness. Except I don’t really recognize this? Either it’s new or it’s from Reimeiroku since that’s the only one to which I paid like, negative attention, since I hadn’t even seen the anime and had no connection to most of the actors and. yeah. nice shoutout to his part in “SAMURAI Future”, I guess, but made somewhat less awesome by the fact that they already performed the real thing. also oh Souji you just have to blow the audience a kiss at the end too, you know you’re the favorite. ugh. insufferable child.

[SKIPPING AHEAD TO] Hisuru Hana – …my mom’s watching this with me and she really doesn’t care about most of these guys, so I’m gonna see if I can’t find Kazama to make it worth her while till she goes to bed… oh hey that’s Kazama in a demon mask isn’t it. OH HEY THAT’S HISURU HANA ISN’T IT. OH HEY THEY’RE BRINGING IN MORE SONGS FROM THE ORIGINAL RUN. OH HEY HE SOUNDS A LITTLE ROUGHER THAN USUAL AND HIS MOVEMENTS AREN’T QUITE AS SMOOTH AS IN HIS OWN MUSICAL BUT GOD DAMN.

Harada’s song (Shinsengumi Kitan) – HOLY FUCKING SHIT HARADA AND CHIZURU ARE CUTE TOGETHER HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD HE’S LIKE 50 MILES TALLER THAN SHE IS AND HE’S CARRYING HER AND HE’S DANCING WITH HER OH MY GOD HIS SONG IS LONGER NOW AND THEY’RE SO FUCKING ADORABLE THANK GODS HARADA IS GETTING A MUSICAL YES PLEASE ALSO WAY TO SUBSTANTIATE MY BULLSHIT SUPPOSITIONS THAT THEY’RE A THING IN SHINSENGUMI KITAN

[Interlude] – lolol hey it’s the idiot trio what if they do “Asonde Bakka Jyanai Ze!”?! …nah Harada already had some time in the spotlight but… wait, do Nagakura and Heisuke have any songs, just the two of them…?

Jiyū ni Narero Basho – YES, YES THEY DO! ANOTHER FAMILIAR TUNE!! One of the ones I always forget I love, too. Heisuke—good job, kid. You may not be Ikeda Junya, but I’ll allow it. Nagakura, I am thoroughly unimpressed with your voice thus far. I need to do a comparison gifset between Toudou-hen and this choreography tbfh, so much of it is a direct parallel. oh hey Heisuke’s stomach is growling!! hahaha wouldn’t it be funny if they used that to transition into—

HUNGRY GUYS => mealtime number (Shinsengumi Kitan) – FUCK YESSSS THEY’RE DOING IT!!! I LOVE THIS NUMBER OMG YES oh too bad they didn’t put the fish gag in though. Wait, did they rip this out of “Twist and Shout” by the Beatles? Oh no that’s just the transition into the roughly equivalent number from Shinsengumi Kitan. Damn they sound good together.

[Interlude] – GOD DAMN IT YOU TWO YOU ARE LITERALLY GOING TO MAKE ME SHIP RYUNOSUKE/CHIZURU JUST BECAUSE OF THIS SCENE JFC YOU’RE BOTH SO GODDAMN ADORKABLE but my mom doesn’t really care too much about Chizuru or most ships so let’s just keep right on going

[SKIPPING AHEAD WAY TOO FAST TO]—

Me: *MAKES LOUD AND SUDDEN GROANING NOISE* Mother: [annoyed] What?! Me: SHIRTLESS SHIRANUIIII Mother: …Oh.

[GOING BACK TO] the obvious femservice scene (Shinsengumi Kitan) – [here are the few semi-coherent thoughts I can remember] – fuck off Okita with your stupid suggestive water bucket – I guess at least he gets to participate this time? – please hit him with that fan Yamazaki – HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S SHIRTLESS SHIRANUI – HOLY SHIT – HOLY SHIT – OH MY GOD – TAKE ME NOW – oh hey also Ryunosuke who also has a literal six-pack but has to appear weak for the sake of characterization – SHIRANUI WHY ARE YOU FEELING UP HARADA – PLEASE DON’T TEMPT ME TO SHIP YOU TWO EVEN MORE UNIRONICALLY – CAMERA PLEASE – CAMERA – ZOOM IN ON SHIRANUI – PLEASE – YOU KNOW HE’S A GOOD DANCER I WANT TO SEE HIM DO THE THING – I WONDER IF HE SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO BE INCLUDED THIS TIME AROUND? – HOLY FUCK HOW IS HE JUST KINDA STAYING UPSIDE-DOWN THERE

[Interlude] – HE’S JUST CASUALLY DOING CRUNCHES AS KAZAMA ARRIVES ON THE SCENE – OF COURSE – PLEASE KAZAMA TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES – YOUR SHIRT – WHATEVER – I DON’T CARE – oh hey a watermelon ball, I guess that’s the new equivalent of the badminton scene? – NO SHIRANUI DO NOT PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON – KAZAMA PLEASE – SHIRANUI PLEASE – god damn it. [ladies and gents, my mother, voicing my scrambled thoughts – “I was kinda hoping it’d go the other way, that Kazama might…”] oh shit Amagiri’s missing again, isn’t he? Damn it, as much as I love that gag, I liked Naoya-san. Too bad he wasn’t around. But they’re probably not going to do Oni no Matsuei again, so… what next…?

Oni no Chikara – FUCK YES IT’S ANOTHER OF MY FAVORITES YES YES YES!!! wait, but if Amagiri isn’t here, why do I hear his theme—? Oh, I guess they’re just skipping it. never mind… oh and here’s Serizawa but at this point I’m really just interested in Kazama because my mom has to go to bed so

[SKIPPING AHEAD TO] Kazama’s new medley – aaaaaaaa exactly what I was looking for. Suzuki!Kazama in western wear. oh my fuck HOW can one person be so perfect. how. just. how. is it me or did they make his clothes even more form-fitting and sexier—? oh gods this is the intro to his musical!! and his singing is even more on point!!! oh shit I love that. oh hey now it’s his fight with Nagakura from Shinsengumi Kitan and they cut out his gorgeous wavering endnote on that one but whatever still a good theme. and—wait, they ARE doing Oni no Matsuei! that’s a throwback if ever I’ve seen one, but I am 100% all for more Shiranui so whatever. and—wait, “Kyōtō ~ Kyoran no Shi”? With half of Heisuke’s lines cut out? At least they slowed it down somewhat so the poor man can actually sing. And oh shit he was fighting Kodo? oh that explains why the end of “Sendai-jou no Tatakai” is happening now. and… oh gods now we’re at the end of “Bushi Toshite Ikiru Tame ni” and Hashimoto-san I love you dearly but did anyone tell you what notes to sing? NO, MOTHER, MATSUDA RYO WAS A BETTER SAITO BY A LONG SHOT, DON’T YOU DARE INSINUATE THAT HE WAS EVEN REMOTELY OFF-KEY. and ah good they’re ending it on the same set of notes, literally, as his first medley. nice way to tie it all together. good night mother

[GOING BACK TO] Saito’s song (???) – ah yes now I can record my reactions actually live instead of having to remember all that because my mother has gone to bed and I don’t mind interrupting myself. anyway this number is cool, but again, I don’t recognize it at all. did they hide it somewhere in Reimeiroku? but I like the shoutout to the instrumentation on “Don’t Forget My Style”. ok I can hear his Reimeiroku leitmotif now, so is this like, a small medley? also ok I know how childish and coincidental this is but I love that the last two lines rhyme like yessss

Hijikata’s song (???) – this kinda sounds familiar, probably from Reimeiroku. still never got the hang of Gaku-san as Hijikata, though; the notes get away from him sometimes, more often than the others I’ve heard. ya know, not that I could ever hope to sing any better while I’m doing that much but I’ve seen better Hijikatas in my day *adjusts hipster glasses*

[RELUCTANTLY SKIPPING PAST “HISURU HANA” ET AL TO] Chizuru’s song (Shinsengumi Kitan) => Ryūnosuke no Kaiko – Okay, I actually really like Chizuru’s little leitmotif, and she really does have a wonderful voice. Second or third favorite Chizuru for sure, after Tanoue Marina and tied with Yamamoto Sayaka. ooooh someone’s in loooove though, what with that Hijikata action in the background~ and OH YES THIS IS INDEED THE SONG I THOUGHT IT WAS WHEN I WAS FAST-FORWARDINGGGG oh goodness I love Ryunosuke’s little aria so much. plus the added percussion is really nice, gives it a sense of moving forward while retaining its prettiness—OH THEY ADDED MORE TO IT! and it’s so well staged! and why isn’t this man more on my butai radar I need more Shiramata Atsushi in my life. oh hey Yamazaki whatcha doing here? oh just running away I guess. it’s cool. see ya later?

[VERY RELUCTANTLY SKIPPING PAST MUSCLE SCENE ET AL TO] Gōgan Fuson’na Shi – I kinda love Serizawa? even though I also really hate him? I just feel like Kubodera Akira has a really awesome time playing the role, I mean, getting the audience involved and everything. It’s kinda cute in a super-twisted way, considering he’s busy burning everything to the ground and disrespecting everyone under the sun. seems like I have this problem with a lot of characters given that Kazama is much the same. actual favorite character, possibly actual least favorite person.

[Interlude] – here comes Kodo and… uh… THEY’RE SAYING ONE ANOTHER’S NAMES LIKE LOVERS? CRACKSHIP CONFIRMED? is there a word for pantomime that isn’t necessarily silent because I see a lot of that in butai and it’s really amazing (edit: I have since realized that pantomime is exactly the word I am looking for) and they’re physically echoing one another’s movements like a villainous courtship dance and OH MY GOD THAT HIGH FIVE AND EVIL LAUGHTER WAS REALLY CUTE A+ BROMANCE I SUPPORT THIS 100% also Kodo’s bald cap is treating him decently now

Hen Wakamizu no Chikara => Horobi no Sakebi – you cannot hope to beat Edogawa Manji in a weird-off. He is simply the best there is. What is even going on right now. He’s involving the audience in his villainous schemes and you know that pantomime thing, he’s the best at gesticulating, he really is, he’s so underrated and I have such a high respect for him and… oh, Chizuru hasn’t gotten over her emote-face, I see, and—WAIT WHAT THE FUCK. KODO-SAN WHAT ARE YOU WEARING AND HOW CAN YOU LOOK SO SERIOUS. HOW ARE THEY PLAYING THIS TOTALLY STRAIGHT WHEN HE LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS. ok maybe “respect” was the wrong word. In fact, I think I’ll just have Suzuki Shogo summarize the rest of this scene for me (since this is only the second most ridiculous Edogawa-san has looked while in-character):

Shinsengu Tanjō => Bushi no Michi ~ Ima, Kakugo no Toki [3] => Shinsengu no Michi [1] => opening track (Shinsengumi Kitan)? – ah good they’re including this. perfect!! one of their better chorus numbers, and that’s saying something—but wait—no—they’re cutting out too much of it! and now Kondou is singing Serizawa’s part?? what is this. oh but there’s Serizawa singing his beautiful little piece that I love way too much given his character. (lord help me I think I might actually understand why Ryunosuke lets him kick him around so much; the man is fascinating.) ok but all masochism aside, time to switch to sadism, since it looks like they’re gonna be killing him soon enough. and it’s well-staged, too; I love it when they do the slow-mo thing. also, yes, Ryunosuke, you can in fact sing him sweetly to sleep, ignore the fact that he’s literally trying to kill you and everyone around you. also I guess Serizawa had a semi-literal ‘Kick the Dog’ moment there huehue. and oh wow that silence was powerful. I seem to remember that being a thing in Reimeiroku too…?

[Interlude] – oh hey it’s Yamazaki. oh hey Ryunosuke that little scuttle backward you did there was adorable. oh hey you two are in really close range. oh fuck am I starting to ship this in the same way I ship Harada and Shiranui…? oh fuck. NO RYUNOSUKE BBY DON’T CRY but also thank you for distracting me from my newfound ship doubt.

Shinsengu no Michi [2] => Yaisa! Yaisa! Yaisa! (original?) – YES MORE YAMAZAKI ACTION BUT NO MORE YAMAZAKI DEATH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING but hey he’s okay now because of the Power of Chorus™ bringing Yaisa! back into the equation. I wonder whether it takes extra effort to sing different words to the same tune? because there’s a lot of that throughout the musicals, come to think of it.

INTERMISSION – HOLY SHIT IT’S YAZAKI MOTHERFUCKING HIROSHI AS A GUEST STAR BUT I REALLY NEED TO GO TO BED SO I’M GONNA HAVE TO SPLIT POSTS HERE AND HOPE YOU STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO HEAR ABOUT ACT 2. GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY. it’s just as well, I can feel my thoughts getting less and less coherent eheh

Sidenote: …this “literal first impressions” thing was kinda what I was initially trying to do with the much longer HakuMyu Shinsengumi Kitan review, but this is easier for me since it’s just getting all my thoughts down and out instead of trying to do anything even remotely constructive or clever with them. Hope you enjoyed anyway!