#*The question is phrased like that because I've seen that phrasing used before. I acknowledge that it's clunky and awkward

[the-ivy-watchmaker]

Please don’t attack me for this poll. I'm just curious as to how the people in the fandom answer if it's fully anonymous.

[sc0tters]

One Night | Gabe Perrault

summary: when things get said during spring break, you realise gabe doesn’t hate you all as much as he makes it seem.

trope: one bed

warnings: mentions of underage drinking.

word count: 2.27k

authors note: can we truly believe that this is the first time I’ve used this trope? Like seriously it’s shocking, I'm on the fence on if I liked this or not but still here is our second update of the week and another to add to the BC boys and the 500 follower celly (that I hope to finish soon...)! But beyond that we all love a bit of a rom-com-inspired prompt, don't ask me which one but I know I've seen this on tv before.

You thought that you were the unluckiest woman in the world.

Gabe was for lack of a better phrase your perfect type of guy. Every quality you wanted he had, but the one that he lacked that was by far the most important was the one he needed; Gabe hated you. It shocked everyone, you were nice and this cheerful ball of a joy on the media team. Every interaction you two had was engraved in your brain and none of them had you him being nice to you.

It was stupid how you felt the need to hide your feelings by masking things up with hatred and backhanded comments. Because as much as you didn’t want to admit that you were enamored by him. Each time a guy would make a move on you, they were always turned down because you only wanted him.

But those wants only became stronger as you both ended up in the same group that headed down to Florida for spring break “what the fuck!” You both groaned jumping out of your seats as you learnt that you’d be sharing a room together “we’re sorry but you’re the only two who are single.” Ryan shrugged as each of the boys wrapped their arms around their girlfriends.

Gabe scrunched his face in disgust “I’ll sleep on the couch.” He announced after remembering that it was a double bed in the blue room that you two were in “don’t act like you’re doing me a favor here.” You scoffed as you shook your head “I’ll sleep out here.” You added as you raked your fingers through your hair.

As you both glared at each other Julianne couldn’t help but clap her hands together “surely you guys could just put your shit aside for one day?” She groaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose “I have nothing against him!” You rolled your eyes as you pushed past the boy “you sure about that?” Gabe’s question was only met with him being hit with a pillow.

The first night was the most awkward as you were in the middle of your nighttime routine when Gabe walked into the bathroom “I’ll take the floor.” His voice was soft as you rubbed cream into your neck “no.” You sighed as you shook your head.

He clutched his pillow as he furrowed his eyebrows “I’m not letting you take the floor-” Gabe’s words were quickly shut down as you glared at him “I was going to offer half of the bed.” You corrected him as you crossed your arms letting out an unamused scoff.

It made him roll his eyes “shouldn’t even be surprised.” The hockey player threw his pillow back onto the bed “you stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine.” He snapped as blankets were thrown between you both to create what only be the Great Wall of blankets “don’t have to tell me twice.” You grumbled as you hit your pillow trying to fluff it up.

The air was tense as you both climbed into bed refusing to acknowledge the other person as you each faced the wall “you don’t snore right?” Gabe as a kick hit his calf “ow!” He groaned as you had broken the wall between you both like it was nothing “the only thing you have to worry about is me trying to not kill you!” You grumbled as you rolled your eyes nuzzling your head into your pillow as you sighed.

As you stared up at the wall you couldn’t help but hate the fact that deep down you still knew you had some kind of feelings for him.

Ryan and Will couldn’t help but sneak into the room as the sun hung below the clouds and by ten a.m there wasn’t a peep that came from the room at the end of the hall. Their curiosities got the best of them as the boys had all made their bets for what had happened with most believing that one of you were dead “oh damn.” Cutter grumbled as he was met with the site of Gabe’s arm wrapped around your waist as you were both asleep on his side of the bed.

But Jacob was quick to hit his head “we’re home!” The girls called out as they had been shopping “lets go.” The goalie grumbled as he motioned how you began to stir. The sun hit the floor as your eyes blink almost having you jump in surprise as the door slammed shut “Jesus!” You yelled being faced with the sight of a sleeping Gabe.

It didn’t last long though as he groaned “could you not?” He pleaded snuggling back into your side “Gabe get off me!” You complained as you attempted to pull him off of you.

Gabe’s eyes shot open as he realised that it was you who he was with “why the hell are you on my side?” He scoffed sending you a glare “why is your arm wrapped around me!” You shot back as you pushed your hand against his chest as you motioned to your waist.

The way his hand left your waist would have made you laugh usually but instead you found yourself rolling your eyes as you got up “I need a shower.” You announced grabbing your towel from the rack beside your bed “why do you get to go first?” He scoffed making you tense up.

There was a moment that you both stared at each other as you glared at him before you both ran to the bathroom with you only getting there first because he had to climb off of the bed. A smirk formed on your lips as you stood to face him at the door “sorry slowpoke.” You waved your fingers at him at your dropped your towel on the door letting the door slam shut in his face.

As much as you wanted to piss him off, your shower was quick. But you should have seriously contemplated spending just a few more minutes in there. You were in the middle of styling your hair when Gabe finally walked out with his towel loosely wrapped around his waist as water dripped down his front “you like what you see?”He smirked as your cheeks went red and your mouth fell open.

Your mouth watered at the pure sight of him as the thoughts left your brain “cat got your tongue too now?” Gabe laughed as your eyes went wide “shut up.” You grumbled as you shook your head.

You got up to leave but the boy had made his way over to you “c’mon you ready to admit that I’m hot?” His hand cupped your jaw as his thumb rubbed a soothing line against your skin “I’ll say it.” You gasped as your heart thumped out of your chest as he nodded “when I’m fucking dead.” You spat as your hand raised to slap his away.

As you shut the door with the slam the group downstairs realised that they weren’t going to be able to tease you both about whatever happened in that room. Beyond not so subtle snickers from them say two came to an end with you and Gabe avoiding each other until you went to bed.

Day three was surprising for Gabe as he woke up to an empty bed, you had gone for a run on the beach and did everything within your power to avoid him. All the way until the night was about to come to an end as Cutter and Will opted to do a campfire on the beach to end the night off.

The sound of crackling wood echoed through everyone’s ears as you and Gabe had been sent to get everyone drinks “could you believe that y/n had a crush on Gabe?” You and Gabe both seemed to freeze as you heard the words “had? She still does!” Another girl laugh as you made the mental note to kill your friends “y/n?” Gabe’s voice was shaky as you gripped your the neck of your beer bottle.

Your ears pounded as you felt the sand between your toes “I should go.” You nodded to yourself quickly turning around as you ran back in the direction of the house as embarrassment ran through your mind.

Tears streamed down your face as Gabe turned to his friends “I’m so sorry.” Julianna apologised as she raised her hand to her mouth “look just take these drinks.” Gabe sighed as he placed the cooler on Will’s lap “what are you gonna do?” Cutter went to give the boy beer but he stopped him.

Gabe knew it was stupid but he couldn’t process that those words could have been true “does she really?” Truly it looked as though Gabe had been hit by a truck “please just be nice to her.” Julianna pleaded as she watched him run in the same direction that you had.

You swore you wanted to crawl into a hole and hide as you locked the door to your bedroom. Sliding down to the ground your knees quickly hit your chest “why’d you have to be a fucking idiot.” You sobbed taking your fingers through your hair. You craved some kind of soothing moment as you lay your head against the door “y/n?”

That voice made you freeze as your eyes went wide “go away Gabe!” You groaned bringing your hand to your face to wipe the snot from your nose “please I just wanna talk.” His voice was soft as he leaned against the door “just so you can reject me?” There was a hint of irritation and amusement in your tone as you laughed.

The boy shoved his hands into his pockets as he sighed “what I want to say sort of needs me to see you.” The hockey player was close to giving up when he couldn’t hear you “please.” He thought you moved away from the door.

But instead you got up and unlocked it facing the boy “can I come in?” He pleaded sending you a small smile as you stepped aside to let him in. The air felt heavy as he wiped his hands on the thighs of his shorts “you were crying?” Gabe frowned as you were quick to wipe your eyes as though it would make it impossible for him to see.

You shook your head “you said you wanted to talk?” You reminded him of what he had said “do you really like me?” This desire filled his mind as he was desperate to hear you say it “you know I do.” You rolled your eyes not being able to bring yourself to finally say it to him “just say it.” He groaned tugging at his hair.

The inside of your cheek was soft against your mouth as you chewed at the flesh “okay sure yeah I like you but could we just act like I didn’t?” You pleaded thrashing your fists as you didn’t want to hear him turn you down.

But Gabe couldn’t help it as he smiled “sure you think my feelings are funny!” You complained not noticing as he shook his head “how have you not noticed that I like you!” He groaned as he crossed his arms.

Truthfully in the time that he knew you Gabe had never seen you so quiet “you hate me!” You shot back swearing that he was lying “I wanted to after I saw you and that football player and after that it just got too far to not stay with that.”Gabe let out a huff as he sat on the bed “god I could hit you.” You mumbled sitting next to him.

Gabe smiled as he nodded “think I might as well do it too.” He watched you turn to face him “why couldn’t you have told me sooner?” You were in a way irritated that you had to watch him with so many other girls before you came into his picture “you saw the way we acted on the first day here.” You had hit him with like four bottle caps each time he’d open his mouth because he had pissed you off.

Laughter filled the room as you were both reminded of the memory “so what do we do now?” The question came as the next logical thought as you wondered what was going to happen “what do you mean?” As Gabe turned to you, you both finally saw how little space was in fact between you “do we go back to hating each other?” Your voice was barely a whisper as you prepared yourself for the worst.

Gabe felt his heart break a little at your words “wanted to take you on a date.” He explained causing a smile to form on your face “like a real one?” You laughed as he brought his hand to cup your cheek.

This time it was soft though, a stark contrast to just a few days ago when he had done it “want to give you the world pretty girl.” You giggled as you stared back at him “can I kiss you?” You blurted out not getting a chance to regret your question because the boy nodded as he kissed you.

His lips were soft as you practically melted into his touch “you better not have killed her Perreault!” Ryan’s warning made you both pull away “you were good at that.” You mumbled running your finger over your lip as you looked at him “plenty more of where that came from.” Gabe pecked your lips once more before he got up “she’s still alive I promise!”

[bynux]

Why are so many trans women into traditionally masculine interests? I've never seen a trans woman in my knitting and crochet group even though we advertise as queer-friendly, but there's more trans women than cis women in software dev. I'm not asking this to be mean, I'm just a bit confused - I'd assume that at least a fair bit of trans women would be transitioning because they feel feminine? But that doesn't seem to ever extend to hobbies and interests.

That's because feminizing and masculinizing hobbies and interests is fucking stupid, and if anyone is going to acknowledge how pointless these gender roles are, it's gonna be people who have the "wrong one" (for lack of better phrasing) imposed on them.

Also, in many cases they're interests that we were encouraged into before we transitioned, at the same time that we were told cooking and sewing are "FoR gIrLs."

Like, I know the basics about car maintenance and upkeep (nothing intensive, just changing oil and headlamps, etc.) because I was heavily exposed to these things and encouraged to take them on. I started out learning computer programming when I was still "totally a cishet guy." At the time, I didn't have to worry about whether or not software development is "boy stuff." (Which, btw, it literally isn't. The earliest "computers" were people, most often women, using mechanical machines to run numbers. Some of the earliest programming languages were developed and pioneered by women.)

Many of us may also have avoided "feminine" interests as a form of denial. "I can't get into home decoration because that's for women and gay men and I'm not definitely not gay or a girl and I'm not going to expose myself to anything that might challenge that assertion."

In any case I genuinely hope this has been insightful! I'm open to any question in good faith. :)

[kaleidescopeghost]

Hey with the stuff on womanism, why do you think those like 2-3 white folks were say hating? On the black community, from what I saw they saw a word they never read before and were confused. Instead of educating people told them to choke and die which I don’t think helped anyone out

Well, I don't think those folks were intentionally hating on specifically the Black community as a whole, but they were definitely hating on the term Womanism (simply for,, sounding Black and being a term they never heard before, even if they didn't realize that was Why the term sounded so strange and unnecessary to them) ((probably bc they don't ever actually Talk to Black people tbh)).

However, that being said, it was Not just a case of innocent ignorance, they weren't Just Confused, they were incredibly rude and that's a Major distinction that needs to be acknowledged--Even the people who looked it up on a very surface level immediately agreed with the people who had No clue what it was Stupid and basically pointless, which was just ignorant and rude even when read with good faith. They looked at this term that wasn't theirs, wasn't even About them, and started piling up on this one Black person for calling them out on their aggressive and willfully ignorant behavior (one of those people being an open LGBTQIA+ exclusionist who has a long ass post with the phrase "inclusion is harmful" in it and the Context being they believe the queer community should be, well. Just LGBT, and they consider Q+ folk to be just,, inherently invalid which is Just nasty behavior that I want to mention because it matters who says what and what they believe in conversations like these).

Frankly, I don't mind educating. I'm very used to it and I'm good at what I do-- but this Black person showed discomfort and distress because these folks were just. Attacking a movement that is Important To Black People and Other People Of Color, and they were met with "Just Educate These Adults!!!" "Do you get mad when Literal Children don't know things?? Do you tell them to die when they have Questions???" "People don't know keywords to search for!!" And pushing all this blame for the situation on this person which wasn't fair because truthfully we live in the Internet age and marginalized communities don't Owe anyone a calm, polite, collected, gentle education when those same people are calling shit they don't even understand stupid just for existing, especially when it's culturally relevant, and we're Especially allowed to get mad about the way these people can just Say Whatever and immediately get backed up when they were just incredibly rude for no reason-- we're allowed to get rude back too! :') in all honesty, it was the call out and the disapproval that Was the education ( the lesson being What They Said Was Bad! And that they needed to go give themselves some reeducation bc their ignorance is leading them to say harmful things). It can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when you don't know the gravity of what you're even saying and then being met with harsh rejection, but the only reason that happened was because these folks looked at "Feminism But Black Inclusive" and immediately was like "this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard or seen" 😭 and they Swarmed and Ganged Up On the first person who called them out. Not okay behavior. We're not going to be nice to people who can't A.) genuinely just look things up. If you look up Womanism, you'll see your search engine literally Gives You key terms to help you in your research. And B.) be open minded and calm when hearing Black terms.

We just can't constantly sacrifice our health for these people, because it is genuinely a lot of work and pressure we're expected to just Offer Up at any time simply Because we are Black and just magically know everything and are now also expected to be spokespeople for our entire race which is unfair.

So yeah, I don't think it was completely unfair that this Black person was mad. They used ways of expressing that in a way I wouldn't have, but I'm very much against the idea that Black people need to be Perfect, Articulate, and Polite to people who are aggressors and who speak ignorance. It might not seem like it to someone who doesn't know what Womanism is, but those people dropped the ball in a Major Way. You can't just trigger marginalized people like that and expect a kind, specifically catered education from strangers just because You don't know something-- sometimes you say something fucked up and people yell at you and everybody should be able to learn from their mistakes in these scenarios.

(also, it could be the autism, but they weren't telling people explicitly to die :') just to choke lol in my mind people can survive choking lol + the whole reason it was said was to be like "you might as well be physically unable to speak because I don't care what you have to say here". Like I said, not the way I choose to express myself personally, but I get why it happened and I don't think they deserve crucifixion about it and I Definitely don't think their anger invalidates them at all.)

TLDR:

BIPOC, Especially Black people do not owe anybody an education. We're just people and it's really strange we're expected to be polite teachers in the face of ignorance and aggression.

Those people were willfully ignorant, called the wrong thing stupid, and then got yelled at by people who belong to a marginalized demographic where that word really matters to them. It's not nice, but it is fair.

It shouldn't be our cross to bear, to educate people who act like this, simply because we were born Black or otherwise POC. Honestly, a lot of the stuff we know, we know because we had to educate ourselves using the same internet we're asking them to use but during our time, there were way less resources. To us, it very much is a matter of needing these people to Want to put in their Own work on their Own time, using the resources that already exist. There's loads of BIPOC authors, journalists, and creators who talk loads about this stuff, and the learning process is kind of like math in the way you can't always just be given information plain and simple on a silver plate without a Lot of other context. Which is also why we have such an emphasis on educating yourself. All you gotta do, essentially, is check Who is writing what you're reading and cross reference different material to make sure you're getting a well rounded understanding of what the general consensus of the community is. I literally used a Britannica article to brush up on my knowledge before posting and it wasn't hard to find :") the article wasn't even written by a Black Person from what I can gather.

This might not be the answer you want, but I trust you to see how these people expecting an education from random Black folk They upset is presumptuous and a bit entitled. She didn't owe anybody any sort of gentleness in this situation, even if she said some mean stuff. It wasn't nice, but neither were they and the whole situation could've been avoided by Them looking things up for themselves before calling something that was heavily implied to be influenced by race stupid. It sucks for people who just Don't Know Shit, but BIPOC aren't obligated to be helpful to people who Already aren't putting in the work.

But the good thing is that there Are loads of preexisting resources from willing professionals from all across the world and all across time who are respected that teach you everything you need to know that are Free and At y'all's finger tips. Y'all just gotta look. The reason we're oftentimes so frustrated is because We also did the same research because we cared about learning this stuff, so we Know if these people cared, they'd do the same thing.

Okay! Very long post lol but I'm done now! I am still open to further questions and clarification but I hope this was helpful. We're all just people in the world, and we're all just learning, but it's good to practice just. Being polite and looking before you leap 😅 because the initial thing that started this whole mess was people saying some really rude stuff about something that means a Lot to us culturally as Black people.

[chronussy-bc]

Discussion: Does Creed Hate Women? (P1)

Particularly women with power and having a strong influence on others, those he feels can be his equal or superior in terms of both (either) physically and (or) mentally. After knowing about his past, i think this is quite a valid question, making his hatred towards Saya much more understandable. In the manga, Creed has come in contact with a few female characters: Saya, Echidna, Kyoko, Sephiria, Rinslet, Eve and Shiki (yeah Shiki is canonically a woman). However, I notice he shows dislike outwardly for only Sephiria and Saya.

Kyoko and Shiki are those he can easily manipulate into working for him. Shiki did find out about his real intention of exploiting taoists later for his dream of achieving immortality through nanomachines, but still she fought against Train and the sweepers to defend their hideout, just betraying him when she was already defeated. Kyoko is young, quickly swayed by Creed's inducing to do as she please. So Creed does not bother with both of them. Eve's case is also similar to Kyoko, but she is lucky Sven and Train got to her first.

Echidna is a volunteer. She doesn't even need to be manipulated to be with Creed. Through the final arc, we can see how Echidna actually has an opinion of her own and how she stands with it, even though she may not show. She is well aware of Creed's ambition, before most of the Apostles, and she does have fear of what he might become, besides all the power and the victory. Yet she stuck with him, staying by his side after he was beaten back to square one. It can be said that Creed never has to concern himself about her loyalty. She is willing to be a subordinate.

Rinslet is terrified of Creed. Like most people with common sense, tbh. She is not a coward, but one experience with him is enough for her to stay away as far as she can. She accepted Sephiria's offer because Sephiria manipulated her, goading her into it, not because she thought she could actually pull it off in the first place. Creed knows this as well, explaining why he could tell she came to the castle was a part of a plan. "Creed is interested in those who used to stand in his way." He is since most of them will not dare to face him again, if they are still alive. So there must be someone behind Rinslet that gurantees her safety, that must be why she still has the guts to follow him.

=> All of the characters mentioned above are not those Creed regards highly or feel threatened by. He may acknowledge their capability, but that's all.

However, Saya and Sephiria are different. Sephiria is undeniably powerful, both in terms of influence, conviction and strength. Saya initially got his attention due to her changing Train, but later on her skills and resolve as a sweeper were also a big factor when they came face to face. And the most important thing is, they do not fear Creed's true nature and they are not fooled by his mask. He cannot manipulate them or overpower them without "cheating".

Saya is a girl who is far more beyond what is on the outside:

Not wanting to be shaped and bothered by her past tragedy, Saya has learnt to enjoy what is good in life. She acts naive, not because she actually is, but because she wish to believe in the bright side of people. Kentaro Yabuki built her character really well through small details. A childhood filled with abuse from her parents and neglections from relatives, being passed from one orphanage to another...a person having gone through those things at such a young age cannot be gullible.

"I've been to many places, seen many people, but the only one I consider my friend is you, Train." This phrase is such a crucial one. Saya has never trusted anyone enough to consider them her friends. Never. In all her years of travelling and socialising. Her knowledge of the world is much broader than Train's, but still she cannot find anyone to confide in until he comes. She was mistreated by her flesh and blood, and the fear birthed from knowing even those who are supposed to be her family can do her wrong has deeply rooted inside her. She is just as doubtful as anyone in the story. However, as written, she does not let the past define her and her reality, her present. Train was an infamous cold-blooded assassin, but she tried to understand his heart to judge, and when she knew she could trust him, she trusted him with everything, even the past she had been hiding so well. If Train could be similiar to anyone, it would be her, not Creed (when I have times I'll say more about this).

It takes a lot of efforts and courage to be optimistic about a world that has been nothing but cruel, and Saya managed to do it. Her zealousness is probably something that adds to Creed's hatred. Bro is psycho and pessimistic all the time so it's understandabe *sigh*. Sometimes I experience it too, Creed. Sometimes.

Inevitably, Saya's mentality is by no means weak. She has an ideal to live by, be happy and be helpful, and she sticks to it to the very end. Creed always assumes she is an ordinary girl, so he never expects her to defend her belief with her life. Everyone ordinary would choose their lives when push comes to shore because they are selfish, that is what Creed stands by. However, Saya chose to save the children instead, and was able to break Kotetsu due to her determination to protect them. That was the moment Creed realized Saya could affect Train because of who she is, not of any witchcraft and he continued to deny this until the final battle when Train called him out.

Creed does not love life, and he does not want Train to find a way out of their shared misery either. It was to the point he had nearly become a god through the power of his hatred, and yet that power could not help him defeat a young girl who he deems so unsignificant, so low. Creed was aware that with Saya's skills, she might not have lost the fight had she prioritized herself; and that her saving the kids was not just a moment of heroism, it was a choice she was willing to take consequence for. The truth is she lives her life by what she believes, and not even the-man-who-can-become-god can bend her.

Creed could not dodge her reflecting bullets then, and still he cannot dodge them from Train's Hades. Saya's shots would always hit him.

Well, well,...Definitely added to the rose-scented, Train-stickered blacklist.

But if switched Saya's gender into a man, would Creed be that crazy? I doubt not. Later on, Train also has someone who is his friend, his partner, who he voluntarily travels with, and that is Sven. Being with Sven and then Eve is what finally forms Train into Train Heartnet, a free sweeper. Being with Saya makes him no longer Black Cat, making him realize he desires happiness instead of power. However, the thought of killing did not leave his mind. Man does away with some mafia's assassin right in volume 1 and only until vol.13, decides to capture Creed alive. Train is still not clear about his actual path even after Saya. He just knows he does not want to be controlled and going around, do bloody work his entire life. The experience he has with the gang enlightens him on what he should choose.

Does Creed know he still have the chance to change Train back? Yes. Does he know Sven plays a part in Train's resistence towards murdering? Also yes. He has attempted to repeat history, getting rid of Sven as he did Saya. However, this time he is much more relax, as if playing. The manner in which he talks to Sven is more casual, no accusing him of dark magic and stuff, no cursing either (he called Saya a b!tch). He deals with Sven leisurely, not losing his wit and went rabid like when he came for Saya.

IMO Creed's fear and hatred towards his mother must have affected his view on women strongly. Nothing could feel more painful than those pain inflicted in childhood, since it was when people were the most vulnerable. If both a man and a woman were at the same level of strength, I think outside Creed would be more likely to recognize the man's competence and look down on the woman's. No he is not misogynistic, it's kind of a trauma response. Inside he would feel more threatened by the woman than the man, but he would never admit it.

Yeah, that's about it for now. Gosh this is much longer than I expected so I guess Sephiria's part will be on another post.

Read pt.2

[millerflintstone]

(a submission from @wormholeprophet ) FYI it seems like DeSantis didn’t kidnap that kid and the kid talked extensively about shooting up his school and stab people to his peers online? I’ve seen a lot of retractions from people who were reblogging this story recently.

I'm not crazy about the header the OP of that post, @moonfrosttheelf , used. I just reblogged with the most recent tweet from Rebekah Jones at the time. I did not think that reblog of mine would go anywhere since the only posts I share that gain any popularity are those of my cat.

Anyway ...

Her kid was arrested. That is true. If I was the mother of an autistic teen, and this happened to me, would I use the term 'kidnap'? Unsure. I don't have kids on purpose and can't speak to that.

It seems her son is back home with her.

Things do seem fishy with how all this went down.

Here's the link to the Miami Herald article about this situation. What the Yahoo article you submitted to my account, @wormholeprophet , doesn't talk about is what I've bolded below:

The boy was interviewed by sheriff’s deputies on March 23 and shown the memes, which he acknowledged sharing, the report said. The youth is not being named to protect his privacy.

One meme — part of a viral series — pictures a brain with intrusive thoughts about grabbing an officer’s gun, knowing that the result could be fatal. “Every time I see school security,” the boy wrote when he sent the meme, according to the warrant.

Authorities say he also posted another meme described in the warrant as “an individual with a shaved head holding a Hi-C drink. The message on the meme was “I’m feeling so silly I might shoot up a building full of people.”

He told the deputies at the time he had no plans to do anything, they noted in the report. A deputy told his parents it seemed like a “teenager” thing before leaving without making an arrest, a video of the exchange showed. Deputies did not question him about the more disturbing social media posts attributed to him in this week’s arrest report.

It’s unclear whether the deputies were aware of the messages, which were uncovered by a warrant to search his Snapchat account. The messages listed in the warrant involved threats of violence, including attacks on schoolchildren.

Feb. 9: “I want to shoot up the school.”

Feb. 12: “If I get a gun I’m gonna shoot up hnms lol” — an apparent reference to Holley Navarre Middle School, which the youth had previously attended.

Feb. 12: “I always keep a knife on me so maybe I’ll just stab ppl.”

Feb. 12: “…I have no hope in getting better, so why not kill the losers at school.”

An unredacted version of the warrant, obtained by the Herald, shows the threatening messages were sent by a username that was different than the one Jones’ son used to send the memes.

The document does not say how authorities determined both usernames are linked to the same account. The redacted version circulated by authorities does not reveal that there were two different usernames involved.

Jones provided a screenshot of her son’s account, which showed he changed to his current username in January, before the threats were made. She said he has never used the handle associated with the threatening messages.

Is the other username actually her kid or is it a plant? I don't know. Is this kid truly troubled and a danger? I also do not know.

I'd be interested in reading the unredacted warrant myself because the Yahoo article is very loosey-goosey with how they phrase things, specifically this - "The teenager told one of his friends that he planned to shoot up the school the Thursday before Spring Break but there were too many things going on so he postponed it until March 31."

Is there additional proof to back this up? Is the character of this friend on hyper focus like it is for Rebekah Jones? How much of this statement from the "friend" is speculation and how much is verifiable? Is the message from the account Jones is saying is not her kid's account?

I do wonder about the raid that was performed on their house by Florida agents when he was 11. I wonder how that act and having guns possibly pointed at him then at such a young age affected him. It seems he's gone through additional trauma, according to Jones's post on substack [x]

As for the raid, here's a link to what I'm talking about, if you are not aware [x]

[gothicknightz]

nightmare — tyler galpin.

:: WEDNESDAY SPOILERS PRESENT. implied smut, xavier still being an ass, mentions of death, left on a cliffhanger, reader being a love stricken partner, minor grief.

You were awoken by the sounds of yelling and the velocity of the blinding sun, taking a moment to be aware of your surroundings.

“There’s a witch hunt going on, and you decide to bring somebody back to the house with you? I’ve got damn Addams believing that you’re that monster going out there and killing people!” It was Tyler’s dad, the Sherrif, yelling, then crossing his arms to continue his rant. 

“That Wednesday hurt you the first time, and I don’t need y-”

“I didn’t bring just anybody back home, dad! I brought back (y/n).”

“(y/n)? I, look. I don’t have time for this. Just stay home and away from Wednesday.”

It seems that you stepped out at the most imperfectly perfect time.

Still half asleep, and in Tyler’s clothes, you mumbled an audible hello at Tyler’s dad before he looked at the two of you back and forth before sighing and walking off.

As soon as the sheriff left, Tyler turned to you, unsure of what side to show, knowing that you had witnessed both the ‘golden boy’ front and the malicious intentions side.

“So, uh...” You could see the inner conflict fighting within his eyes, “.... you, um....”

Undoubtedly, you were afraid of what he could do as the Hyde, but you knew he wasn't going to hurt you. He promised.

But at the same time, you admit you wished you had seen the more innocent of Tyler a bit longer.

The only questioned that had wrecked your mind the most was what you and Tyler were to each other.

The last time the two of you were ever in a relationship was when you both were out of school for summer break, with the relationship beginning at the start of the school year. And that was the summer you found out you were a siren.

Which you still had yet to tell Tyler.

He only knew of your friends at Nevermore, and by association, you went there as well, but he still thought you were a normie misplaced into the boarding school for outcasts.

“Tyler,” You said, breaking yourself out of the incessant train of thought, “What are we to each other?”

Still standing at the bottom of the steps, Tyler walked over to you, looking into your eyes.

“What do you want us to be to each other?” He had asked, knowing damn well all he wanted was to be with you again. You both knew last night wasn't just for nothing.

He had that hopeful scrunch around his eyes, as a wishing lopsided smile caused his dimples to be present. He still didn't look away from you, though, as he was awaiting your response.

“I....” You started, “I want to...”

To be honest, you wanted Tyler as much as he wanted you, but with the acknowledging thought that Tyler was the Hyde, and Wednesday was sure to have a hot trail on him and whatever may happen, you didn't know exactly how to phrase it.

“It’s okay if you're not ready, (y/n), I...” Tyler sharply inhaled, “I get that. But, when all of this... bullshit is done, we're going to be something. I promise you.” Tyler leaned in, kissing you, causing a smile that you knew was such a juxtaposition, to form on your face.

“Okay.”

You eventually left Tyler's house, much to your dismay, because apparently, Wednesday was getting expelled and you had yet to say a goodbye.

Waving at Wednesday before she left Nevermore forever, you decided to take a little trip.

You were going to see Xavier.

The last time you had seen him was the night he had gotten arrested and put into jail for supposedly being the monster.

But you knew who that was now.

“Xavier!”

“(y/n)?”

“Wednesday’s getting expelled, and Tyler's the-”

“(y/n), I know, I know. They're transporting me to a ‘bigger’ place as if I'm some sort of fucking whack nut.” Xavier sighed, running a hand through his hair. “That royal highness of your's dad came in here looking all pissed. What'd you do?”

“Trust me,” you bit your lip, “You don't wanna know.”

“Does it look like I give a shit right now? All I've been getting is radio static from these nice, big, empty cell walls.”

Your best friend was going crazy in here, and even though you warned him, you were sure what you were about to tell him would make it worse.

“I may or may have not stayed the night at Tyler's.”

Xavier's head quickly quipped around to look at you, knowing he was about to say something smart; you could tell by the look on his face.

“So, you're not the only one into serial killer monsters?”

You gave him the middle finger and scoffed, “Enjoy the radio silence while it lasts, asshole. At least you're safe in here.”

You had just barely escaped the wrath of Crackestone and his burning desire to eradicate all ‘devil spawns’ from the earth at Nevermore, and now, you had gotten lost in the woods until stumbling upon a fight between a supposed werewolf and a Hyde.

It took you about five seconds to realize who was partaking in the fight; Enid and Tyler.

You spectated as your good friend and ex-lover / former best friend / boyfriend fought, conflicted as to whose side to be on.

You got so caught up into your thoughts that you didn't realize where you were at the moment until you heard a loud thud as Enid in her werewolf form was slammed against a tree.

Both Tyler and Enid transformed back into their human forms, and even though you didn't feel it, your legs automatically dragged you as you ran to Tyler.

He was all battered and bloodied from his scuffle with Enid, and you took his head into your hands.

“Tyler?” You whispered, voice quavering as you were on the verge of tears. You knew you should be on Enid's side right now, but you were overwhelmed by concern for Tyler.

“Tyler,” You repeated, pulling him closer to your chest, “Please.”

You nearly cried out, as you heard three more voices near you, not caring nonetheless because your heartbeat was so loud you could hear it in your ears.

Even though Tyler was the one out there killing people, you felt sympathy for him. You knew him better than anyone in the world, and you couldn't stand to see him hurt.

It broke you more than you thought it would.

“(y/n).” You heard, instinctively looking down, hoping Tyler had woken up out from his unconsciousness.

But to your dismay, it wasn't, as you looked up in front of you to see Xavier standing there.

“(y/n), we have to go.” You shook your head in response, not taking his extended hand.

“(y/n), you don't get a say in this. We have to go now or else he might wake up and transform again.”

Sighing, you were barely able to bring yourself to your feet, as Xavier picked you up bridal style as he continued towards a crowd of students from Nevermore.

There, you saw the entire student body alongside Enid, Ajax, and Yoko, the absence of Wednesday and Bianca being felt.

As you stood besides Xavier, you watched as Bianca came through the giant gates of Nevermore, not expecting anyone else to come out.

“Where’s Wednesday?” Enid had asked, and an uncomfortable silence was felt before the said girl had come out, with Enid immediately crushing her into a hug in which she reciprocated.

Everything was alright. At least for now.

The news of principal Weems' death had taken you by surprise, alongside the plot to kill Wednesday and all the students by Mrs. Thornhill, now known as Laurel Gates.

Due to the events that had taken place, Nevermore Academy was closing it's doors for the rest of the semester, leaving everyone to recollect and find themselves after the incident.

But the rest didn't stop there. With you residing in Jericho, you took it upon yourself to visit Tyler in the hospital, knowing damn well his dad wouldn't put him away subsequently after near death.

You don't know how long he's been out for, with only hearing rumors that he had transformed on the ride to the hospital.

Anxiously, you waited for Tyler to wake up, which felt like an eternity before you heard movements, a groan, and an audible ‘shit’ before looking up.

“Tyler?”

“(y/n)?”

You quickly rushed to his side, taking his hand in his.

“Where the hell are we?” He asked, before cautiously turning on his side to look at you.

“Do you.... not remember?” You asked, unaware if he really did forget the events that unmasked him as the pawn in a villain's game.

“I just.... remember holding you in my arms and...”

Tyler trailed off, his brain trying to process everything despite the fogginess in his brain clearing out.

He sat up slowly, lifting his hands up to your face, pulling you closer to him.

Your eyes scanned his face for any signs of this moment being genuine, but it was, in fact, Tyler being unaware of what he went through.

He gently pressed his lips to yours before pulling back after a few seconds.

“Kissing you.”

Tyler kissed you again, in which this time felt different, like he knew he did something.

“Shit.”

You looked into his eyes with confusion and concern, “What?”

Tyler sat in a blank stupor for a minute before chuckling to himself, looking back at you and the hospital wall.

“What a fucking nightmare we've had.”

[fierceawakening]

plznocopypastarino

But zionism isnt just an idea, its a government policy no? And currently that position has a history of kicking palistinians out of their homes and giving them new isreali arrivals, wouldent it be more akin to saying "im an austerite, a right to austerity"? its not just a idea of a return to a homeland, its a flawed political position thats been used to do harm

one-letter-man I’d expect for it to be called Jewish Nationalism or even Kahanism ( I don’t know wether Netenyhau specifically follows that idea or a variation of that, but Kahanism is specifically the «push-everyone-but-jews-out-of-Israel» ideology here.) to avoid using a dogwhistle on Jews, and avoid mixing it up with historical usage- we are in a way post-Zionism because Israel already exists.

(taking the links out because I don't want to at anyone and be accused of sealioning/"demanding" they reply)

This is actually the kind and tone of conversation I expected before people responded with rage: if Zionism *isn't* Kahanism, and we all (I hope!) agree that Kahanism is bad, what does Zionism actually believe?

Prismatic defined it (as far as I can tell; they got pretty emotional and it can be hard to see someone's logic when they're angry) as a belief in Jewish indigeneity, and a belief that follows from that about "self-determination in their native land." (Taking out the phrase "a right to" because people seemed to think I use that word wrong, and I don't think how I use that word is the central issue.)

Elsewhere, I've seen it defined as "a belief Israel has a right to exist." This was the phrase an influential person in the leftist circles I was in in the 2000s used to argue that *everyone* who doesn't hate Jews "is a Zionist," and we should all get used to calling ourselves that.

Based on this, for a long time I called myself "a Zionist" if asked, taking it to just mean something like "I believe I know less about Jewish people's oppression than they do, and that they should be listened to in leftist spaces."

What started to erode this for me was thinking about the phrase a little more (which is likely why I bring up the word "right" to a degree that's odd to readers.) A person has a right to exist, but does a country? What does that right look like? If a country is accused of being "settler colonialist," does that mean something about its "right to exist?"

Based on this, I realized that the US is (also? it's what's being debated!) settler colonialist, and that if settler colonialism is bad, the US may not "have a right to exist" either!

It DOES exist, and needs to be acknowledged as a place that exists with real people living in it, even if some of them are "settlers" (*raises hand*), but it might have come to exist illegitimately, so it may not have a "right" to exist.

So I decided I'm probably *not* a Zionist, after all, as mad as it might make the one person who taught me it was required to be an ally to Jews. But I didn't really get too deep into what that might mean, because I have friends on both sides of the I/P conflict and when I try to choose one, I feel inevitably like I'm betraying someone's trust or someone's memory.

Then this war happened.

I tried REALLY HARD to convince myself the response to 10/7 wasn't, or wouldn't become, a genocide. That no one who was part of the group "never again" is about would EVER be willing to be a party to genocide. It HAD to be something else!

Other people on my blog can attest to a whole OTHER (though less intense, because a well known blog didn't decide to spotlight me as Badwrong) shitstorm about how terrible it was I wouldn't use the g word yet.

I... eventually decided I *couldn't* deny that what I was seeing was genocide. That just having been genocided *does not* magically make people unwilling to do it to someone else.

Suddenly, the question of Zionism became less abstract to me.

So I left it at "I'm anti-Hamas, intensely anti-bigotry against Jews which is RAMPANT, but can't get on board with Zionism. The assumption that a country has 'a right to exist' has awful, awful consequences."

But I saw posts on my dash asseting, kind of as I remembered and kind of not, that "most Jews are Zionists" so "if you oppose Zionism, you oppose the majority of Jews."

That didn't sit right, so I read a few posts.

Whereupon I saw one that defined Zionism not as a right of Israel to exist, but of "Jews to live in a land to which they are indigenous."

Which perhaps I misread, as people keep acting like that has nothing to do with right of return and I don't know why. But I parsed that as "I get to go there if I want, as I'm a Jew and that makes me indigenous."

Which then had me head scratching, as I'd always ALSO heard that the Palestinians ate ALSO indigenous except for just now when Prismatic Bell asserted they're actually "Invaders."

If both are indigenous, then wouldn't a right to self determination on that land apply to BOTH groups?

Hence me asking if that's compatible with Zionism, as (hopefully) the opening point in a conversation about what beliefs being a Zionist requires you to hold, if any.

And getting told to Google.

Yay?

I mean I can read about Kahan and look at that one quote from... is it Herzl? about civilizing the Arabs and gross myself out again but I'm not sure that's gonna help me understand what people *on my dash* are trying to say.

“Being anti Zionist is inherently antisemitism because all Zionism says is that Jews have a right to live in their homeland.”

Do other groups all have the right to live in their homeland? What is “a right” in this context?

If I have “a right” to go live in Greece, as it is my homeland, what exactly is owed to me by the Greek government?

Every time I try to figure out what the other side is saying this concept of “rights” to “homelands” pops up and is discussed as if it’s obvious and I can’t even decode it.

I believe refugees from the Holocaust should absolutely have been given asylum somewhere safe for them, but I have no idea how that parses as “a right to live in their homeland.”

Im open to the idea that there exists a version of Zionism that does not include slaughtering the other people who also want to live in their homeland, but i don’t get how it looks when none of these terms are defined.

[clover-cdd-confessions]

If you come across an ask about us possibly being a poly-fragmented OSDD system from one of our parts please excuse it, we have realized that we are most likely a covert DID system. We are still in therapy, still healing, and are still discovering ourselves as a system. We experience heavy emotional amnesia, along with grayouts, horrible memory when it comes to our childhood, and horrible memory in general (that may also be due to our ADHD)—we split very easily, and in large amounts, and have many fragments because of it—we also believe we may have a subsystem, or that we have layers. Because of how OSDD-1B (It is just recognized as OSDD-1, or OSDD in the DSM) is brought up, and because of the similarities covert DID and it have, we have thought that we were an OSDD-1B system for a long time, and as a system that has discovered itself through tons and tons of research, I am disappointed—especially me, the host, as I have a special interest in psychology (CDDs specifically), and it is something I strive to learn about.

If that ask was inappropriate, or it seemed we are not very researched on the topic of poly-fragmentation, I am sorry—I as the host, believe that such topics should be taken seriously. And I have acknowledged that the level of dissociation needed to be poly-fragmented is high, and because of the low level of amnesia in OSDD-1B, it is known that it cannot be poly-fragmented. We have just felt lost due to the fact that others have expressed that the level of blackout amnesia between switches is what truly defines DID & OSDD(system variants), which leads to emotional amnesia being left out of the picture.

Also, if this comes off as me not liking my head-mates, that is not true, I love them. - ✂️ system host

I apologize, since I answered the ask before seeing this!! If you would like me to delete it, I'm happy to. That's my bad /gen

I do understand the struggle of distinguishing DID from OSDD-1. I relate to much of what you described your experience as, and that's very common for people to not really be sure, think they're one and turn out to be the other, etc. Covert DID being confused for OSDD-1 makes sense. I'm glad to hear that you're in therapy and are able to have that resource, and I hope your journey goes well.

I also have a special interest in psychology with CDDs being especially the case! So I do understand the desire to take this topic seriously, and I don't think it came off as offensive. I took it as that part trying to find the right language to describe your experiences, not someone misusing terms. As far as I know, polyfragmentation only occurs in DID due to it being a more complex form of dissociation, but I can understand why thinking you have OSDD-1 yet having a lot of fragments would bring up questions. I was not bothered by the ask (though I'm not polyfrag, so I can't speak on anyone's behalf) and I wouldn't have posted it if it seemed in bad faith :)

"We have just felt lost due to the fact that others have expressed that the level of blackout amnesia between switches is what truly defines DID & OSDD(system variants), which leads to emotional amnesia being left out of the picture." I TOTALLY understand what you mean here. Due to the way the DSM phrases things, and the way it's often hard to find proper sources for things online, I've seen a lot of debate about what truly defines DID from OSDD-1, especially 1b. While my current understanding is that it is distinguished by the presence of blackout switches (whether frequent or infrequent), the phrasing is confusing and I'm not against the idea that I'm incorrect (if anyone has any sources either way I would love to read them /gen). I myself have a lot of emotional amnesia and I feel like I don't see it discussed much at all, which can be very alienating.

Again, sorry that I didn't see this ask before posting the other one! If you would like it removed, please reach out. I will add a note to it saying to reference this one. I wish you all the best.

[lutawolf]

hello! just wanted to ask a question. the rooftop scene in ep 10 was probably the first time where i really saw/felt the d/s element of kinnporsche’s relationship. i come back to this scene a lot. idk why but their dynamic during that scene really stood out to me, especially the way kinn was carrying himself. the quiet confidence. he was mean, but not in a bad way? like his comment about porsche “not being difficult”. if i remember correctly you said that him calling porsche “easy” in ep 7 was a bad dom move, but in the notes to ep 10 you liked the way he corrected porsche. is it different this time because porsche was in the wrong? (because it could be argued that he was not, considering easy implies he was ready to have sex with vegas and this time kinn once again implies the same thing). also, porsche didn’t apologize or acknowledge his “wrong doings”(neither did kinn but we’re talking about porsche here). would you have liked for him to do that? would love to hear more of your thoughts on this scene if you have any!

Hey hey!!!

Understand that I'm not trying to be rude with what I'm about to say. I am only attempting to educate. You based your belief of finally seeing the D/s element on something that isn't even accurate to the D/s community.

Quiet confidence... have you ever seen me use this in a post? Have you ever seen this phrase on a community kink site? Or have you only seen this phrase from a bdsm romance novel? I'm not saying this to be rude, please understand. I'm just needing you to see why preconceived notions are hurtful. Do I strike you as quiet? Yet, I'm a Dom. I've been a Dom for over 16 years and not once in those 16 years have I been quiet. I think it would take a ball gag and good luck with that!

I've mentioned that it does appear that Kinn is somewhat of a degrader. There is only an issue if Porsche has an issue with it. If Porsche has an issue with it, than it's an issue. Get it? Porsche is not a doormat,, so he can give clear guidelines of what is acceptable and what's not. From what I've seen, Porsche doesn't care as long as Kinn isn't serious. Therefore Kinn calling him loose falls under kink. Unlike before.

This is why you can't read one post and a few books and think to understand. This is literally a culture. With variances dependent on many different nuances. It requires submerging into the community or at the least, creating your own cluster of knowledgeable people. If you are vanilla, you likely won't be invited because we get enough grief with our tame kinks. There are kinks that I can't handle and I'm far from vanilla.

As far as the gentle correction. Kinn walked Porsche right into where he wanted him to go. He guided Porsche into seeing his mistakes, so no apology or punishment is needed. Example: My husband has intolerance and can't have bread but he ate a burger. He was up all night dealing with the consequences so punishment would be redundant and abusive. Instead, "Honey, I wasn't able to get much sleep last night, why do you think that is?" "How do you think it makes me feel when you aren't well? Especially when it could be...?"

Do you see how it's a gentle correction?

Again, no rudeness intended. Just a need to educate. Hopefully you found the blog helpful. 💜💜💜

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[lailuhhh]

In response to this ask

"What's gotten into you man? I ain't seen ya like this before. Somethin happen I don't know bout? Am I the somethin that happened?”

Mac didn't know why he'd be able to pull one over on Jack. The two of them had been together for years, practically in each other's heads. Jack had even said they were drift compatible, which Mac still didn't quite understand, but knew it meant they worked extremely well together.

"Nothing’s wrong. No one did anything. You didn't do anything. Just- stuck in my head I guess.“

"Ya sure? I've seen ya in yer head before and this ain't it. You and Bozer have an argument?"

"No, we didn't have an argument."

Honestly that was preferable. If he had an argument then he'd have no problem talking to Jack about it. The thing he was currently being tormented by was a child's problem that he should've been able to deal with on his own.

"You've been off for like two days. Even Patty’s said something about it.”

"Nothings wrong, okay?"

"If nothin was wrong then ya wouldn't have a snap in yer voice."

"Can you just drop it please?"

"If ya just tell me- is it because I canceled on ya yesterday to hang with Riley?”

"Yes, okay?" Mac ran a hand through his hair. "You’re practically her father and you haven’t seen her in years and you want to catch up. I get that, and there’s nothing wrong with that, nothing at all, but I can’t help the fact—” He sat with a huff. “Just forget it okay?”

Jack sat across from him, slight frown on his face. “Whatcha sayin there hoss? Yer mad in catchin up with her?”

“No! I’m happy you’re able to reconnect with her, honestly. It’s just—”

“Yer jealous of her.” It was phrased as a question, but Mac didn’t need to give any sort of acknowledgment for Jack to know he was right. “Come here man.” Jack pulled Mac into a hug. “Just because I got her here now don’t mean I’m gonna forget bout you. Ain’t nothin gonna change that.”

He knew that. Of course he knew that. But he couldn’t help the feelings of inferiority and that Riley had priority to Jack over him. He was used to being overlooked and abandoned in the past, but losing Jack for any sort of reason was something he didn’t think he could handle.

“I told you it was stupid.”

“It ain’t stupid brother.” He clapped Mac on the back and pulled away from the hug. “I ain’t gonna forget bout you, even if I get all old and senile.”

Mac smiled slightly. “You mean more than you are now?”

“Especially then.”

[spaceorphan18]

I'm new to fandom - what are the better boyfriend olympics? I've heard that phrase being used a lot to talk about Klaine but I'm not really sure what's going on.

Hi Nonny! Welcome to fandom :) Pull up a chair as I give you a history of the BBO and how it started.  I actually think it’s kind of fascinating now that I’m not living through it, lol. 

Okay, so let’s go back to 2010 when there wasn’t a Klaine fandom, there was a Kurt fandom.  A lot of the BBO stemmed out of the Kurt’s Boyfriend Shipping wars of 2010.  

Back then, there was just a Kurt fandom, and a lot of opinions about who he should date.  Believe it or not, Kurt was shipped a lot with the other guys on the show, there was a healthy dose of Kurt/Finn, but Kurt/Puck was huge, and there was a smattering of Kurt/Mike (I never really did see much Kurt/Artie now that I think of it, which is kind of funny in retrospect, but I’m sure it’s out there.)  Anyway - when the show announced Kurt was getting a boyfriend -- well, things began to get heated up.  

Three big ships emerged

Kurt/Sam - because the rumor was that Sam was originally supposed to be Kurt’s bf (probably not, but that rumor was big at the time).  Btw, they were the canoe ship (I have no idea why) and was also known as Kum (rolls-eyes).  This ship’s fanbase was so huge and lasted so long, that the show felt the need to address it head on in Season Two’s Rumours (not a joke).   

Kurt/Karofsky - Also known as Kurtofsky, they were also called themselves the Pirate ship (god, Idk why, shipping wars are weird, yo).  These people were also really passionate, mostly about Dave, but liked the whole idea that Kurt would save Dave and they would have this weird - enemies to loves love affair or something.  I don’t know, I could never get past the squicky assault aspect, but whatever. 

Kurt/Blaine - which. at the time, was... the biggest possibility? It’s funny cause the other two ships were just as big as the Klaine ship, and really the fighting became over who was going to be the best option for Kurt.  

And that’s the thing.  Fans of Kurt were so passionate about who was best for Kurt, because everyone had seen him go through hell and back on the show, so his boyfriend needed to be perfect for him.  And you know who was perfect (at first) -- Blaine.  More on that in a second... 

However, Blaine brought his own bit of baggage -- namely fans of Darren Criss (and/or Starkid fans).  Unlike Chord Overstreet or Max Adler, people knew who Darren was before he was on Glee.  So his own fandom joined in on the Klaine of it all.  At first it was all fine -- as the shipping wars continued, it was less about Kurt vs Blaine and more about Klaine vs the other shippers.  Well, that was going to change.... 

Original Song happened and Kurt and Blaine got together ending the question of who would ultimately be Kurt’s boyfriend.  And things were nice and cozy headed into season 3.  You’d think the Kurt/Sam and Kurt/Karofsky ships would die out, but not really, they stuck around for a long time, and kinda morphed into something else.  

See, The First Time happened.  And for the first time Blaine wasn’t the perfect prince that he was in season 2 -- he had more of a developed personality, and more flaws.  And... some people didn’t like it.  (Also added to the mix was Sebastian -- and the Seblaine and Kurtbastian ships were born, but those kinda go off on their own thing and I’m not really going to bring them up much here.)  Anyway, what really got fandom split was Dance With Somebody. 

You had two sides of an argument, people who saw Kurt’s POV and people who saw Blaine’s POV -- and guess what happened.  The two sides began to fight with each other over who was “right” in the argument.  (My god...) And thus started what fandom started referring to as The Better Boyfriend Olympics. 

See - for reasons I don’t fully understand - instead of seeing that each of the boys have a fault and each were wrong in the episode, each side wanted to say that their side, and their POV was the correct way -- that one boyfriend was more oppressed and the other was not as good a partner.  

On the Kurt side, though, you had a lot of the old Kurt fans and ships who didn’t like Blaine (and/or didn’t want Blaine as his partner) so they vehemently decided that unless Blaine was the perfect boyfriend again, he didn’t deserve to be with Kurt.  Meanwhile, you had the Blaine fans, many of them Darren fans who wanted Blaine to have more depth to him than just being Kurt’s boyfriend, and not being Kurt fans first (or originally) they were going to push back at the Kurt fans who were lashing out at Blaine. 

Compounding this was the fact that during season 3, there were so many cast members and characters that unless you were Finchel, you were begging for scraps and your featured episode to come along.  Meanwhile - Kurt got a ton of screen time, but didn’t sing much, while Blaine sang a lot more, but didn’t get much story.  The Kurt fans resented that Blaine was always singing.  The Blaine fans were annoyed that the Kurt fans resented it, and tried to remind the Kurt fans that Blaine barely got any development.  

Either way, a war had begun.  And then The Break Up happened.  

Now Kurt fans had a specific reason to point at -- Blaine being a terrible boyfriend.  He cheated.  He’s terrible.  The end. 

The fandom was not firmly split into sides - you were either a Kurt fan - a lot of them who HATED Blaine - partly because he was getting more attention at the time, partly cause he did sing more, partly because they were made up of Kurt ships that didn’t work out, and partly cause they saw so much of themselves in Kurt that they projected onto him their own feelings, and loving Blaine was not a part of that projection.  Or you were a Blaine fan - who spent a lot of time defending Blaine to the point of exhaustion, and became so resentful of Kurt that they wished Blaine could be with anyone else because Kurt (fans) didn’t understand Blaine and should just stop trying. 

Weren’t there any Klainers you ask? Ha, well.... Klainers, people actually liked Kurt AND Blaine were stereotyped into two categories.  Category A) the really really loud fanbase (usually on Twitter) that harassed the creators, RM, Chris, Darren, various crew about Klaine every second that they got -- to the point that it started to feel embarrassing (that’s probably my own projection).   Category B) People who thought (think) that Chris and Darren were (are) in a secret relationship.  (Spoiler alert they aren’t, never have been, and never will be.)  The two of these categories overlapped A LOT, and many of the fans of one boy or the other just disassociated completely.  

You could still be a fan of the Klaine relationship, but you had a preference to which boy you were actually a fan of -- you couldn’t like both, or else you were a Klainer, and that was not cool.  (I spent a long time NOT identifying as anything, and trying to make sure everything I did and said was equal -- a) cause I was new to fandom and b) cause I hated that either one or the other of these characters were villainized so frequently.) 

Anyway - Season 4 continued.  Adam showed up, and Kurt fans got all excited, but the problem was that a lot of them saw him as the perfect boyfriend again -- not a real character but a prop that could make Kurt look good and be everything for Kurt.  Look, I liked Adam, I did, but he was underdeveloped, and this weird idea that your boyfriend needs to be perfect in order to be a functioning relationship is just unrealistic.  I digress.  Meanwhile, we didn’t get a lot of Kurt POV, which didn’t help things, and meant even more projection over his character. 

Meanwhile, the Blaine fans had formed their own community, which became viciously defensive of him.  I think the whole fandom was toxic during this time for a lot of reasons, and I really wanted to quit it.  Many people did -- the show wasn’t being fun anymore. 

Season 5 came along, the boys got back together, tempers simmered, but the whole idea of the Better Boyfriend Olympics came back every time a conflict happened.  Arguments about who was the better boyfriend ensued, gatekeeping as to why their pick was best and why your opinion sucked still ran through the fandom.  Not helping was the fact that Cory had died, and the creators, actors, and crew -- as well as media -- was tired of Glee.  

The one nice thing, though was that a lot of the old crowd had moved on by then, and there was an influx of newer people coming in during season 5 (and season 6) -- they weren’t here for the season 3 droughts and season 4 wars, and brought in a newer and fresher perspective.  

But still - we had the end of season 5 and the summer of spoilers and season 6 to get through.  At this point, the Kurt and Blaine camps had moved to their parts of the internet and really not speaking much to each other if they could help it.  When an argument happened on the show, the same kind of Better Boyfriend Olympics came up again -- one boyfriend was worse than the other, and unless they changed xyz they were not good enough for the other.  But at this point, it was incredibly tiring.  I know that I was just ready for the show to be done with. 

I should say, as an aside, not helping things were the rise of some rather vocal BNF-ish fans, who dug their heels in about their own opinions.  The refusal to even acknowledge that one side or the other might be right, or have valid points was not helping anything.  A lot of people on both sides refused to even listen to the points on the other side -- and instead of being frustrated at the show, the creators, or whatever, they took it against each other, which wasn’t fun to watch either.

Season 6 happened - Blainofsky happened, and that killed enthusiasm for the season on both sides, most people just kind of wanted it to be over.  And then the ending came quickly, and I think a lot of people who were just plain unhappy about everything left for good.  

The Better Boyfriend Olympics, or this weird competition that always pitted the boys and their fandoms against each other in the name of one being better than the other, leveled off after this.  I won’t give myself /that/ much credit - but one reason I created @todaydreambelievers was to give fans of both Kurt and Blaine a safe place where we could enjoy and discuss both boys without the BBO rearing its head.  And you know what -- it did mend a few hearts.  

For the most part, it’s been pretty quiet since.  Fandom is quieter, but I think the people who have come into it after the show has ended are a lot less judgmental and argumentative.  (I suppose it helps if you know how the story is going to end.)  And the cool thing, for me, is finding a group of people who enjoy Kurt and Blaine equally (or respectfully) -- and reclaiming the name Klainer as a good thing.  

I’ll end by saying this -- it’s been relatively peaceful, even with the influx of new people throughout the years, but I have been seeing shades of BBO pop up again.  Look, you don’t have to like Klaine to be a fan of one or the other of them.  But there are a lot of terrible things going on in the world, a lot of things to be angry and get indignant about.  How a fictional couple was written ten years ago is not one of them.  Be respectful of people, and know that maybe the side you understand better isn’t the only side worth listening to.  ;) 

[mindofacancerwoman]

When Life Gives You Lemons . .

USE IT TO MAKE THE BEST GOTDXMN LEMONADE !!! or a banana Lemon smoothie it's pretty good too . .

Most of us have used and heard the phrase "when life gives you lemons you make lemonade"; meaning even when something bad happens try to make the best of the situation.

Well 2021 has been full of Lemons being handed to me time after time again. I've laughed plenty, but cried even more ! Relationships were tested many have failed, but the most meaningful ones made it pass. I've connected with my own little family and myself on a higher level and am able to understand and view things differently, because of these experiences. 2021 has brought me to realize "Your perception of how you see a situation is completely upon you", whether you believe it or not ! That trigger that's telling you to get mad (that’s you) , that joy you feel when you’re happy (that’s all you & you deserve it). Some how though we choose to ignore that one fact & BOOM we now have a whole new chain of adventures. At the end of the day that perception is yours and sometimes it is best to leave it as is and NOT change it for anyone. I've lended hands I don't want back and giving energy that could never be reciprocated. Yet, the biggest lemon handed to me was losing relationships I never thought I would never have to pick and choose from. This along sent me into deeper depressions than I could have put into words and led to me choosing my time away from writing, social media & at one point it felt like I had shut off from the world. I was left with the question of whether I only seen things how I wanted to or if I had to finally choose me over others. The thing about this lemon was it was more bitter than sour. It took me through a deep dive mentally and emotionally. Which led me to questioning Had I been overly emotional ? or Was my response more valid than I thought. I lost more family over the course of this experience, but I connected closer within my own household so was this something that needed to happen ?

Before I could get to the root of the problem within the next person or myself I had to acknowledge that one thing I’ve done in this life time is change my emotions & throw them to the side for others and their feelings . I had always seen how the next person may feel, but never considered my own happiness. This time and moment would be the turning point for me. After much needed time of prayer, reevaluation and removing more than saving of relationships ! I picked my own happiness and peace . The girl who once made everybody else's lemons in to lemonade finally decided to pour up her own glass "Freshly Squeezed". I know that some won't be happy with my decisions or response, but I'm finally choosing to Pick me and I encourage everyone to do the same. Today's Lemon can be tomorrow's cup of Lemonade, but you have to choose no matter how hard that decision may be & I strongly encourage choosing YOU even if it's over me !!

[angeloncewas]

No need to apologize for censoring the names and rewording stuff. It makes sense. It's for safety reasons. I completely support it (I'll try to censor them in this ask).

As far as your reasoning. I definitely understand where you're coming from and I actually agree with a lot of what you have to say. I was on mobile so I actually had a hard time saying what I wanted to say. I'm going to say in my previous ask I essentially did the thing I was criticizing others of doing, grouping subtwts that differ in severity. I also think the way I phrased certain concepts makes it seem like I believe that some subtwts don't deserve to be taken down just laughed at. Which isn't entirely correct and that's on me for presenting this info in such a...casual way.

The reason why I actually agree with what you have to say and also me acknowledging an error on my own perspective. In believing that these subtwts should be separate I forgot that the subtwt dedicated to truthing two minors as being in relationship often overlaps with the subtwt dedicated to doxxing/leaking.

The thing is, from what I've seen, some truthers...don't really doxx as much as they just speculate and use public and known media as evidence for their own perspective. (Which is still problematic behavior because it crosses boundaries and lead to individuals who may be closeted to going further into the closet.) More specifically, you don't see the truthing subtwt dedicated towards truthing a minor cc as trans interacting with the other three subtwts. So I'm a bit more sympathetic towards that subtwt since it seems more like other queer children who might see aspects in another child that they relate too (or are projecting onto). And also because pointing out "egg moments" is an actual thing in certain parts of the trans community so it's a bit more normalized for me.

And when it comes to the other truthing subtwt, I also felt sympathy towards certain accounts who deny entry to/dislike the doxxing subtwt and ptwt. But again, I let bias cloud rational thought and I should have come to the same conclusion that you had. The dismissal of ptwt (or other problematic subtwts) is likely for their own personal consciousness and a way for them to feel as if they still retain moral high ground.

So when stepping out of my own biases I agree with what you have to say. I still don't feel entirely comfortable grouping ptwt with the trans truthing subtwt but I think none of the subtwts should have platforms of any kind (even before you responded). There's just way too many risks in them existing.

I appreciate the response ! (and the censoring :') ty)

Totally understand with the mobile thing - I was on mobile-only for ages, my poor wrists - but I'm still sorry for any misinterpretations !

I get what you're saying with queer youth and for that I'm very sympathetic. I think that a lot of these people - even some of the ones who are associated with doxxing, honestly - are kids with very few other outlets. They need some support that isn't being offered to them and while I'm pretty powerless to do anything but shout at the wall (ha), I do genuinely hope they find it and end up in a better place.

I also understand the culture of recognizing aspects of yourself in others - be they reliant on stereotypes or whatever; my friends and I have definitely looked at a girl when we were out and questioned if she was bi - but I think, aside from obvious boundaries, a big problem with that is the escalation. This is edging on a fallacy so pardon me for that, but it's very easy to first go for public info. Then, when you're bored or curious, you dig a little deeper. Then deeper and deeper and deeper until you're sucked into a toxic culture. It's scarily easy to get drawn in and it's much harder to get out. That's partially why I'm so determined to kill it at the root.

I do always find it hard to blame the individuals for these things. Yes, they're doing something bad that needs to have consequences, but I'm quite positive that many of them are young and easily swayed. I never ended up in a group like that, but I was too. They just are being encouraged instead of dissuaded by both each other and the really bad people in the community (ones fully aware of what they're doing and also often aware of the kids they're harming in turn) and so they keep going and keep justifying it to themselves.

If anyone ever gets out and needs a hand, I will extend that to them readily, but that's why I can't afford to offer them the kind of sympathy you seem to have (/neu, I'm not saying that sympathy is bad, just that I feel the need to firmly be on "the other side.")

The categories are definitely different at their cores and I think if we're discussing them like this it is important to consider that, but yeah, in general, it's just too dangerous. I think that lumping them together keeps a needed sort of reputation about them: a "do not enter" for most who might get pulled in otherwise, so to speak.

[chibisquirt]

You don't have to answer, but if you wouldn't mind. What are some things you've learned about ADHD from Tumblr that are applicable to you, or others you may now? I've been reading more on it and how it manifests in girls/women and was curious when I read your rb on that post about Grammarly

I don’t mind at all!  Fair warning:  this is gonna be LONG.

I’m going to start by repeating something I mentioned in that post:  I was diagnosed in third grade, which was over two decades ago.  I had my diagnosis halfway through elementary school, much less high school and two rounds of college.  So a lot of the old information about ADHD I learned as a young person, and those things are worth exploring, too.  

Example:  It’s not that I’m not listening, Mrs. Nock, it’s just that if I try to keep my hands still, then the only thing I will retain from the lesson will be keep your hands still and not the things you trying to teach, which are supposedly important! 

(Mrs. Nock was the one who said to me, “I believe you believe you’re paying attention.”  Yes, it’s been fifteen years.  Yes, I’m still mad.  If you can’t have basic respect for your students, don’t teach.)

I figured out half on my own, half because of the counselling that if I had a fidget tool that didn’t require words I would pay better attention than if I tried to sit still.  (I still remember being mocked by my dad for fidgeting well after making that discovery, though.  Apparently diagnoses should only inform compassion when they’re his.)  On the same lines, I also figured out that music in the background wouldn’t work for me if it had words, and television is too distracting for me to use at all.  (I have a friend, though, whose ADHD works the opposite way:  he has difficulty focusing if there isn’t a television in the background.  Yes, both are valid.)

So, the Classics:  

I always had trouble with organization and cleaning, had trouble with schedules and calendars and managing my time.  Those are the things they’ll warn you about, the things they’ll tell you in counselling are natural and normal things for people with ADHD to have trouble with.  Trouble paying attention, sure.  Trouble sitting still.  Procrastination.  Got it.

But if you turn those traits around and re-frame them, they become a new set of symptoms.  Adaptations for these new symptoms are more personal and universally applicable in my life, and therefore, to my mind, more useful.

Take Procrastination.  (No really: please take it.)  That just means “putting it off until tomorrow,” and there are lots of reasons to do it:  “don’t have the tool I need” is one of the biggies, “want to conserve steps” trips me up a lot, “I still have time to get to it” is HUGE for me...  But a lot of times, these are just superficial reasons.  The re-framed symptom is, Trouble making yourself do things you don’t want to do.  

ADHD is an executive function disorder.  That’s a phrase I first learned on Tumblr, by the way; it may have been mentioned by one of my earlier counsellors, but it definitely wasn’t taught.  

This is why soooo many of us have struggled with the perception (including self-perception) that we’re lazy!  But no one tells the kid in the wheelchair he’s just lazy for not playing basketball.  (Okay, they totally do.  People are terrible.  Ignore that, stick to the point.)  I reframe this the way I do because acknowledging this as a symptom, taking the blame out of it, makes it easier to find adaptation.

Now, this is a personal post.  YMMV.  But I have an easier time managing my conduct if, instead of calling myself lazy a procrastinator, I say, “I keep not doing that --> oh it’s because I Don’t Wanna --> how can I con myself into doing it?”  (Strategies include bargaining, making it easier, powering through but then allowing yourself to stop afterwards, just acknowledging that I Don’t Wanna and allowing that to be valid...)  Procrastination is an action, but “executive function disorder” is a disease and “I Don’t Wanna” is its trigger, just as much as an allergy and a clump of ragweed are.  “Procrastination” is a powerful sphynx against which I’m helpless, but “I Don’t Wanna Disease” lets me start cultivating my metaphorical catnip and researching the answers to common riddles.

And while we’re talking about procrastination--and trouble with deadlines, and schedules in general--let’s talk about Time Insensitivity.  Missed deadlines and perpetual lateness (perpetual) are external actions, just like procrastination, and they can have all sorts of explanations.  

(Shoutout to Mrs. Pollack, who looked around a classroom containing thirteen-year-old me, and, knowing full well that I was chronically tardy, declared that “anybody who’s always running late, deep down, they just doesn’t care about anybody else’s time.”  Great job with calling the thirteen-year-old a heartless bitch, Mrs. Pollack!  As you can tell, I definitely forgot it very quickly, and didn’t at all have a self-critical breakdown about it, periodically revisiting the question of my own inherent selfishness for years!!!)

But ignoring the external actions, let’s take a compassionate look inside the head again.  Executive function includes regulation of, and awareness of the passing of, time.  Again: you can’t play the basketball with no legs.  We literally do not realize what time is doing.  Sometimes we do--if we devote enough of our attention to it, which may be a large amount for some, a small amount for others, or a variable amount for the same person.  But our brains literally don’t process it the same way.  

But hold on a minute--let’s go back to that analogy.  Because actually, people with no legs can play basketball!  It’s just that you have to use the adaptation of wheelchairs to do it--and that’s an adaptation for the game and for the players.  

I use alarms.  I’ve recently seen a post about audio memos as alarms.  There are people who just slap clocks everywhere.  When I was forced to work in a kitchen with no clocks, I used the multi-setting timer and set it for like four hours so I would know if I was keeping on schedule.  I also chose a job environment where much of my shift is the same as itself, and rigid punctuality isn’t enforced--that’s adapting my environment, instead of myself.  There’s all kinds of adaptations.  But you have to know you have the condition before you can compensate for it.

Here’s a fun little story:  when I was... oh, eleven?  Twelve?  My Quaker Meeting’s youth group (#7 whitest phrase I’ve ever written) went to the museum together.  One of the stops was in the children’s section, there was a... a pegboard, I think?  With some kind of problem on it.  A puzzle.  Me and a couple others sat down at it, and it took me a while, but eventually I solved it, and I looked up.  

I blinked.  “Where is everybody?” I said.

“They left,” said my mom.  “Half an hour ago.”  

I was stunned.  “Half an hour ago?!  But I couldn’t’ve spent more than ten minutes on this!”

“I promise you, it was half an hour.”

“Why didn’t you call me??  Why didn’t you say my name?”

“We did.  Several times.”

To this day, I will swear myself blind that I never heard a thing.

Hyperfocusing.  They’ll tell you about the problems focusing; oh yes.  They’ll tell you allll about that one.  But they won’t tell you about the flip side of it.  They won’t tell you about the times when the rest of the world falls away, and the only two things in the world are you and whatever problem you’re trying to solve.  

D’y’know what, I bet that’s the reason I test well.  I just realized this now, phrasing it like that, but--I’ve always tested well, even when my actual practical applications of things are mediocre I do well with the classroom testing on it.  I scored a 39 on the MCAT, back when it was out of 45 and not whatever it is now.  (To those with the plain good sense not to want to be doctors:  that’s pretty good.)  And I just bet it’s because, once I get focused on solving the problems, the other problems--nerves, intrusive thoughts, anxiety--just don’t have room to get in.  Hyperfocusing can be a superpower, if you can harness it.  

But it can also blind you to everything else.  And it works in smaller ways, too:  once I think I understand something, it is very difficult for me to perceive information that contradicts that understanding.  I still get the map of the Elflands backwards every time I read The Goblin Emperor, just because I pictured it one way, and every indication in the text that it was the other way just fell on deaf ears.  

And this one leads right into the next, which is Rejection Sensitivity Disorder.  RSD is hyperfocus, but it’s hyperfocus on how everyone must hate you.  It’s delightful!  I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, as well, and I do have both of those things, but for my money, I think that this one symptom of ADHD--which no doctor has ever even mentioned to me--has hurt me more than both of those conditions combined.  

The last one I’m going to bring up is Auditory Processing Disorder.  Now, I’ve gone and gotten re-diagnosed twice in my life, and the last time was just a few years ago, so they actually used this one in the test.  The psychologist told me about it, she just didn’t use the phrase Auditory Processing Disorder, and she didn’t tell me that it was its own symptom--she just used it for the test.  

What she did was, she gave me two hearing tests, one to test whether or not I could hear, and then the other a list of words that all sounded alike, and I had to mark which one I was hearing.  The second part of that was very long, and very boring, and despite scoring perfectly on the first test, I got several wrong on the second.  I was actually surprised by that; I at no point suspected I had heard any of them wrong.  When she gave me the test, told me this was proof by contradiction, that we were ruling out hearing loss as an alternative explanation for my difficulties.  It was only after the test was done that she explained that the pattern I showed was actually part of the diagnosis of ADHD; that we get bored, and stop really paying attention, and that we don’t even know we’re doing it.

...Okay, but you couldn’t have mentioned the part where I also do that every day in real life, lady?!?!  It’s not just when we’re bored, it’s not just for long processes.  I do this all the time.  I actually tell people now that “I actually have a neurological condition that makes it hard for me to hear; I can tell that you’re speaking, but I can’t tell what you’re saying.”  

This is 100% true.  It is a neurological condition.  

We label this a condition, but as a society, we don’t treat it that way.  Society treats it as yet another excuse.  It’s not.  You’re not lazy, stupid or crazy.  Neither am I.  

I have a condition.  Acknowledging that is the first step of treatment.  Not five thousand sticky notes, not binders or filing systems or even taking all the doors off the cupboards (although I definitely plan to do that one as soon as I possibly can).  Not counselling sessions with so many different people I can’t even name them all, for the love of god please understand that you can’t just fix it with pills.  

(Although mad props to the people who thought Concerta would magically solve me at the age of nine!  Spoiler alert:  it did not do that!  But it did mean that my parents felt comfortable blaming me for all my failures again, so it did at least some of what it was designed for, I guess. :) )   

I have spent the last few years re-understanding my ADHD it as is:  a neurological condition, a disability, and a simple fact of life.  A starting place, instead of yet more proof of my own inherent insufficiency.  And you know what?  When you take the blame and self-hatred out of the diagnosis--when you stop cursing it as the cause of all your problems and start trying to work with it, instead--it gets a lot easier to manage.