#******yes it’s really called Bitchin Sauce and yes it really is bitchin

[nice-bright-colors]

Accept. Adapt. Pivot. Agility

Or AAPA as I like to call it.

Today is The Wife’s™️ Birthday. All she really wanted was to find a new place with really good beer*, that serves a burger**, since our go-to just recently closed permanently.

Somebody*** didn’t do their thorough due diligence. When we got to the new place to try they are closed on Mondays.

So initiate operation AAPA.

Somebody**** decided on taking our chances with what we could find across the street at a standard grocery store. We will try again on Wednesday for that local***** brewery, with high hopes it will work out.

…and voilà…problem solv•ed

My take on a plant based Korean street taco with daikon, carrots, ginger, Beyond steak tips, sesame, purple cabbage, cilantro, and a Bitchin’ sauce******

I managed to fuck things up and save the day within an hour. The Scotch Ale is just an added bonus.

[gothicthundra]

65 Questions!

65 Questions You Aren't Used To      

SOOOO @benjimators tagged me and damn it... I’m gonna answer these!

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Like, is everyone else imaginary (No) are there other beings than me (Still No) Do I think other’s are so unbelievable they must be a figment of imagination because there is no level of stupidity that should exist to that degree (FUCK YES)

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 2... solid two... its a depend on surroundings situation.

3. The person you would never want to meet? Huh, good question.. Historically Josefe Mengele. Currently. I have no real interest in avoiding anyone... perhaps another serial killer or psycho (my personal quota is full)

4. What is your favorite word? Awesome-Sauce, Nifty, Bitchin’, Wicked

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Willow, Hawthorne, Rowan

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? “I am strong and will win this day!”

7. What shirt are you wearing? A red one... are you hitting on me questionnaire?

8. What do you label yourself as? Unique

9. Bright room or dark room? Darkness... always darkness.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Writing a really odd fic that has now gotten out of hand and I blame @duck-duck-duck-moose @drakkenville and specifically @sphinxlegends (its been in my head all day man... all day!)

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 17 and 24

12. Who told you they loved you last? My parents... My Dad specifically via text.

13. Your worst enemy? *looks at a list* Alphabetically, Most Recent... I need specifications. I suppose the one with shall call “Blonde Antichrist “

14. What is your current desktop picture? Hmm well... yeah

@nogicu like... I am in love with their art and I stare at it every freaking day...

15. Do you like someone? Myself.. I’m rather fond of them.

16. The last song you listened to? Break up in a Small Town- Sam Hunt (it was on the radio)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? … I’m more of a... vengeance and inconvenience person... not so much hostile death inducing.. so pass.?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I don’t know her name but... Mowing the Grass Interrupter bitch..

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? I don’t have a specific person... but I would have them detail clean my house.

20. What is your best physical attribute? My Eyes. I have a naturally very rare eye color.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I’d look like a younger version of my dad... olive skin, high cheekbones, black hair, unusual eyes, and handsome.... My name would be something like Michael or Kasey and I would probably just go out with my lady friends and punch out creeps while dancing with everyone... so nothing changes.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I have many talents... I can make my limbs look broken because some are double jointed... I can roll a single eye, I can tell you random ass facts that you will never use, but fuck it... you can know them now too.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Huh... so I find velvet unsettling.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. OH MAN!!!! I want a Philly Cheese Steak with sourdough bread, extra cheese, loaded with peppers and onions, and juicy af.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Dude, I got bills to pay. That shit is going towards Electric.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? New Zealand... Worm Cave.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Hard pass.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?  1.) Waste Not, Want Not

29. What is your favorite expletive? Bitch.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? My Tablet.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? July 17th 2006. The day the fucked up my whole head.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Well fuck, how’d that shit happen... hmm... New Zealand.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My Grandfather

34. What was your last dream about? Dude, we aint got time for that... it’s like a novel when I dream... Simply. I dreamt of mirror times.

35. Are you a good….yes...

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? …. yeah... two weeks ago actually.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? YES!

38. What is the color of your socks? Rainbows.... with music notes (There from Glee)

39. What type of music do you like? A majority

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets... SUNSETS

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Blueberry!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) None... I like Hockey

43. Do you have any scars? MANY! Face, Arms, Wrists, Legs, Torso... many.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? Already did... but if you mean like.. from earth... I’d be cool being a Fate.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My Fears.

46. Are you reliable? HELL YES!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Shit... Are we ever not broken??

48. Do you hold grudges? … yes

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I feel very DNAmy right now... but an Otterfly.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? … the reality that there is a religious based society that believes Dinosaurs are all a government propaganda to derail religion (I SHIT YOU NOT!)

51. Are you a good liar? …. yes

52. How long could you go without talking? Hours.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? I gave myself a pixie cut when I was 4 and it was AWESOME! But my Mom hated it, so she made me get extensions that looks like shit because she’d rather that then me having short hair.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? All the FUCKING time. (Is a Baker on the side)

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? LOL... Years of Speech Therapy has utilized my tongue to do nearly all of them.

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? @sharperthewriter Kim Possible

58. What would be you dream car? 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I I Sing, Write, Dance.... make up entire novels and plot lines for things I never write... and my favorite... give myself speeches that “If ever this happens... “

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yes... 1000000% yes.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Nah.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? D... I don’t know why.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? DINOSAURS!!!! (I mean there the same but)

64. What do you think about babies? I’d like one someday, but that’s a whole story.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.  WHOSE READING THIS!

[49scribes-a]

{--Starting the day off with some quotes from the last stream and then working on drafts!--}

TAKING THE MORNING SHAFTS WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

I mean... shifts. Totally shifts.

I feel like I'm being shafted tbh.

God that singing ghost lady ruined my life.

Agh, my leg, why does my leg hurt?

It remembers the fear.

Have my gun out. Ready for it... not ready for it. Let's be real here, I'm not ready for it.

I know... HO, I know what's around there.

I hate that I know something's gonna attack me and I know I'm gonna freak out and shoot it and those-- THOSE, are gonna fucking come back to life and attack me too.

Preemptively shoot them. Double tap for the fucking idiot who came before you and didn't.

GET THE SHINY. ALL THE SHINIES.

Oh there's something under that car. And there's also a shiny there.

Mmm, do I want it? Decisions decisions.

Time for me to like, Die inside.

Don't get up, gimme your brain juice.

You... got that brain juice. From his ass.

What is that. Its shiny.

Go grab it. Go hug it.

Fuck that lady. She got herself into this mess.

Yes.... extract their anal juices.

I mean snot.

I mean...

Totally brain juice. Right right.

Shoot her anyway. Shoot her for having a crappy hairstyle.

You start doing some freaky shit like the padre I'm gonna shoot you.

Oh god she's a crack addict. Run. Run far away.

She's on crack or meth -- either way its bad.

I read sebastian as satan.

Sebastain as Satan? How the Hell Isa? Hello though.

I dunno but I think she's about to change and I don't like it.

It gave me an angle and I don't like the angle.

Mobius Dick.

Meth does that to a person. Meth. God. Its such an obvious thing.

I'm serious. Don't fucking start turning into a thing. I'll shoot you. This is a small ass house.

And god that fucking thING. I DIDN'T THINK THAT THING WOULD BE THIS EARLY. W H Y.

GO CLOSER. I CAN'T SEE IT. WHAT IS IT. I KNOW IT WILL PROBABLY KILL YOU BUT I WANNA SEE IT.

OH MY GO-O-O-D. WHY. W H Y. WHYYYY.

That place is glitching out and I don't like it.

This place looks cozy.

Marco? Better not be a fucking polo around here.

MMMMMMMMMMMM YO. Um...

That door is locked. Why is that door locked.

THAT SCREEN WASN'T ON.

It was the asbestos.

That's me. I told you what I planned to do to the house.

I don't like the way the lighting is... I don't I don't I don't. I don't like... the way the lighting iiiiss. Its locked. WHY. *GASPS* OH JESUS CHRIST.

Its fine -- you just walked in on a man getting his viagra.

Oh god.... ooooooh god.

Ur fear. It fuels me.

I DON'T WANT IT. IF THERE'S ANYTHING BEHIND ME I DON'T WANT WHAT YOU'RE SELLING.

ok but. demonic girl scouts.

YOU MOST DEF DO WANT WHAT THEY HAVE.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMM...... HMMMMMMMM. SPRINT IT, SPRINT IT, SPRINT IT.

Hey look is that me? I mean Sebastian... is that Sebastian from Beacon? That's so weird? Something better not come out of the blood I swear to god-- don't do it, DON'T DO IT. OHMYGOD.

Little demons that want to sell you death cookies.

yeah but they'd taste bitchin in the few minutes before you died horribly.

Were those... tentacles. Because I know where this is probably going if they were.

Just... break your mic Bianca. Just straight up shatter it.

We all know.

Ok thank gods.

Straight up the ass.

No. Keep those tentacles away from me.

I know that definitely wasn't there before.

Anything else in here that I need, before I go? Besides ANOTHER HEART ATTACK.

Yaoi hands?

You know that lady in the first game with all the spider arms and long claws? Yeah, that was her. I recognize those claws.

OH. I KNOW. I KNOW HER.

YE. DAMN. I HATE HER. If she appears in this one, I'm going to riot.

THERE BETTER NOT BE ANYTHING ELSE WAITING FOR ME OUT THERE BECAUSE I WILL SHOOT IT IN THE FACE. You all dancing over there across the street? That's fine because I don't want you ANYWHERE NEAR ME RIGHT NOW.

The void.

WHAT IS IT. GOD.

Oh a shiny.

I bet it was weed. Sebastian out here picking up bad weed.

Whatever. Whatever whatever whatever, I'm just hearing shit.

OH NO. NO NO NO NO. WHY IS SHE HERE. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE HER AGAIN. UNTIL CHAPTER 7.

She just wants your scalp.

She wants you. She thinks you're her lover. She's the clingy girlfriend.

That's horrifying.

OH MY GOD SHE DO THAT FAST MOVEMENT SHIT, NO, NO, BYE.

That noise was behind me... that noise was behind me, right? ...that wasn't behind me.

I don't know what's going on but someone's having a rough old time in there.

Someone is having a bad time in the bathroom. They need laxatives.

Oh hello, there's two of you. How the fuck did you get in here?

Bye to your fuCKING HEAD. Bye to yours too.

Why is there a pile of dead bodies here now? This wasn't here before. This game keeps changing and I don't like it. I'm afraid to see what I'm gonna find down there now.

Watermelon head steve.

Tfw ur mom calls u "allen" and u don't know why but brb

Porn. Its their porn.

Nah it'll be singing ghost this time.

Yodel-a-yeehoo. Nothing?

Nobody down here and this is what I came to get. This is what I risked my fucking life for.

Please... please... please don't pop up again.

FUCK this house by the way. Like. Fuck this house.

BTW. MY WORK PLACE HAS RAT TRAPS SO I GUESS THEY HAVE VERMIN PROBLEMS, AND THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY BC IF I SEE ONE OF THOSE FUCKERS IMMA GRAB IT WITH MY BARE HANDS AND WOW THE WHOLE STORE. UP MY PAY GRADE -- I CAN CATCH RATS MAH SELF. They keep getting into our soda syrup specifically. Idk why.

I wanna buy my own soda syrup so I can just... put it on pancakes.

I don't think its that kind of syrup.

Try anything once.

Exactly. Especially once if its toxic.

Hey man its your life.

And quite possibly your funeral but u know. Have fun. Yolo.

You guys can all stay the HELL away from me big thing. Don't want it.

PRO TIP. SINCE THERE'S A MILLION SUBWAYS ALL OVER THE GD PLACE. THEY HAVE LOTS OF BAGGED PICKLES AND JALAPENOS AND BANNA PEPPERS AND SAUCES JUST... RIGHT THERE. RIPE FOR THE TAKING. And they last quite a while in the bags.

What is that? Is that like a milkshake bar?

Its a SKYSHIP. STEAMPUNK TIMES. Wait hold on. Airship.

The mile high club.

Shoot em in the ass. That'll teach em.

She's your stalker gf. U will be hers or u will not have the chance to be anything else.

Ditched out on your date with her. What else did u expect.

That's fine u didn't want to know what it was anyway.

Standing in the bushes. A great strategy. I love bushes.

She def didn't hear that.

Can he ghost through walls. Can she open doors.

Bushes are friends.

Glitching blood. Same.

I know she can go straight through doors I just hope she doesn't go straight through this fucking door.

Mood.

She's coming for you.

Go away lady I don't want what you're fucking selling.

She's not selling anything -- she wants what you tried to sell her. Your heart.

Hige you're not helping.

The cold is mood too. Its fucking freezing in my room rn.

The dead man is mood. The dead man and his glitchy blood -- hella mood.

Okay its not helping that my controller is also doing this weird pulsing vibrate and I don't like it.

He's not dead, he's just resting. Oh my god.

Go out there and just. Run.

Run and don't look back.

There she be.

Something just mOVED. IN MY ROOM. I'M F FREAKCING. S C R EAMS. Oh nothing moved. I moved that earlier. Okay we're good.

Seriously can someone just look up how long these encounters last because I don't know and I don't think she's supposed to be following me around but maybe its just me and she's just like "HEY YOU YOU'RE JUST SPECIAL".

She's a betta fish. Look at her dress. Betta fish.

Or maybe she's a friend. She sings songs. She's friendly. She just wants to make you happy with her singing.

She has all them arms for hugs.

I'm holding my breath for u.

Just keep moving. She can only be behind you right.

I mean. She could be. Above you. Or under you.

My waifu. She's gone.

Damn that bitch really needs to stop harassing me.

File a restraining order.

Oh that sounds like a good time.

Shot it in the face.

He laugh at u.

What r u doing. Don't run into it.

w ha t he f cuk. I sjt. c chOEKD O N MY PIZ A.

I hate to be the one to tell you this but... acid beats knife.

Don't die isa.

Su ch en cour a gng wor d s.

b i tch you better run.

WHAT WAS THAT.

Note to self... electric bolts work WONDERS on those things.

Dang. No creepies in the crates.

I'd rather have the ghostie boo instead of that... fleshy thing.

Sounds like they got into the firecrackers again.

He angery. HULK WANT OUT. LET HULK OUT.

Hulk's weak bitch ass cousin.

You're dead right? Like, one hundred percent? Because... if either of you get up. You DEFINITELY better not get the fuck back up again.

Hulk's disappointed in his cousin.

I am doing a concern, friend.

You don't like any noise, Bianca.

You're right Kit, I don't like any noise, because noise means bad stuff.

I've figured out why its so cold in my room. The ghost lady has come to me. I'm embracing it.

She has come to hug u.

Yes.

She has many arms for tight hugs.

GOod. I like hugs.

Technically they're like. Sashes or something. Like a gd betta fish.

Betta fish lady ghost. I wanna muse her now. Bettafishghcst would be the url. She's coming 4 u, Lavi.

That fucking laugh tho. "nyA HA".

Why would u do that 2 Lavi.

Bc I love him.

mAN I WANT SOME COFFEE.

Coffee is nasty. Ya'll are nasty.

Wow. Not if you put enough cream and sugar and flavoring in it.

Cappuchinos are where its at.

Nah still nasty.

It doesn't taste like coffee anymore-- wOW.

Coffee is the devil's brew.

Uuuuuh this place looks no bueno.

The devil's brew and the devil's lettuce. Le go. How many other things does the decil have. Devil*

No its decil now.

Does the devil live on a farm in the country?

BEELZEBUB HAS A DEVIL BUT ASIDE FOR MEEE, FOR MEEEEEEEEE, FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Devil butt. Fuck yea. Thanks beez.

I... I meant. put. gOD DA MN I T. FUC KK.

Gotta face ur fears Bianca. Face them like a man. A big, burly man.

A bara. Have those huge yaoi hands.

Someone's gassy.

I hear something... where is it? Oh no. NOOO. ITS THIS BITCH. Why.

ITS A CLICCCKEEEERRRR.

Called it.

Even in assumed death, they have a knife. Relatable.

YEET.

BLOW OUT HER UTERUS BIANCA.

SHE. EATS. BULLETS.

Back. I got sour patch. Hopefully I don't end up choking on it.

Sour patch to soothe your soul.

Like I choked on me fucki n pizza?

You know what she reminds me of? The um... Witches from Left for Dead?

"YOU STARTLED THE WITCH".

And y'know now I can't get back up so this is it. This is me, gonna die and regretting it, doing it a lot.

"You startled the witch" my ass, more like-- WHOA, that startled me. More like you have a death wish.

Best friends kill each other before the apocolypse.

Good thing Lavi and Doug aren't friends then huh? Kek.

Lavi and doug tb-- i'm.

Oh wait. : >

I... sorry Bianca, I have to leave because SOMEONE'S being mean to me. Jk. I'm staying but gD.

They're having a rave. GLOWY EYES RAVE. *BEAT BOXES*

Oh look there's a ladder... there's a tripwire too. God damn it, where's the camera?

U lived. I CAN'T BELIEVE.

That's bad luck.

I hate how tight it is and that I'm not seeing whatever is seeing me. I hear heAVY BREATHING.

That's not heavy breathing -- its purring.

Its Doug. He's coming for u.

o h. nOT DOUG.

SURPRISE.

MY SON ISN'T LIKE THAT. MY SON JUST WANTS AFFECTION.

STRANGER DANGER.

Don't blow urself up.

Hallejulerr.

The green juice is fuji dew.

You're dead, right? You're not dead, I'm not gonna bother you right now.

Evil train. tHERE'S SOMETHING IN THAT TRAIN.

I love the editions of the flies in this game, but the lack of maggots and decay is upsetting.

That's a big rat.

I SAW IT MOVING. I KNEW IT WAS THERE.

She's busy freaking over the rat.

I haven't seen someone so upset over a rat since my mom found a mouse in her pillow.

She's just mad cuz her tanning bed turned her into jerky.

Head splodey.

You woke them up. What the fuck that was rude of you.

I mean, you're alive. I consider that a silver lining to this whole situation.

I keep expecting more gouls in a box.

Ghouls in a box, much like kittens in a box, but now with fifty percent more mauling.

Only fifty?

What, is fifty percent mauling not good enough for you? Is this years model of ghouls not violent enough? GOD KIT, not everyone can keep up with your strict mauling standards.

Oh come on my mauling standards aren't that high. I just assumed this wasn't the world of Hello Kitty or MLP.

How safe is O'Neal's safe house, really?

You can service me any time bby.

Probably cuz you got cockblocked by the ghost lady lmao.

She wants u to stay that bad. She's such a sweetheart. Clingy and murderous, but a sweetheart.

Oh that looks like a fun time. Let's walk right into the squiggly room.

Hey look its the slow mo brain juice again.

Its just a bullet to the brain m8. Aint that bad. I've taken a few of those.

U mean Fuji juice. Wait.

Tropical punch.

I meant fuji dew.

Blah, can't read with this-- Damn it sour patch. You're ruining me.

Ur gf is coming.

Please nothing come at me-- YOU'RE A FITCH.

It blue but it not cold.

Um... see THAT I don't like.

Excuse you. That is called abstract art. And it is gorgeous.

THAT SCREAM.

All I heard was the sound of my ears imploding. And then silence.

Its the sound of forgiveness.

Its neato.

Screaming and then silence.

OKAY CARL. Get out of here.

Okay phone?-- not cool.

No save -- we live and scream and die like men.

Don't get caught by the ghost lady in all that distance ; >

Wing it like a birb. Caw caw.

Sitting here making noise in rl with the desperate hope it gets you caught somehow.

midget shadow.

Children are omens of death. Do not follow the pitter patter of feet.

Can confirm. Just look at Colette.

DON'T TALK ABOUT MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT.

Too easy, Isa. Too easy : >

I swear to god nothing better crawl out after me. I will throw my controller at the TV and then regret it.

U think a door will save you? Ur a stupid bitch.

She's... probably dead. Just like. nEVER MIND.

Ur waifu awaits.

I really hope nothing is waiting for me. Other than those things across the field-- where'd they go? ....Wheeerre'd they gooo?

That earlier growl says there probably is.

Okay now I'm concerned, there were... things. All of the things were-- okay where are they. They were rIGHT THERE.

Maybe you got lucky and they just despawned.

That's what we thought about the ghost lady kek.

Your "why"s just now kinda sounded like the ghost lady's "la la"s.

That's way too man <3s.

She ain't going anywhere. Driving me nuts with your hunkering in one spot and standing still.

So much for "no ghost lady until chapter 7"

Well too bad Hige I'm not prone to run gung ho like "HEEEYYY".

Well you either run or you die so its really just up to your personal preference.

M8 that is too red to be days old. That is five hours at best.

I have this love hate relationship with kids because part of me is like "satan spawns" but then I just. want to protect them. Like what the fuck is wrong with me.

I hate kids and I have no desire to protect them.

And you are 100% faking death good sir.

There's another little statue here, but I-- don't wanna be here anymore, BYE. Yep, don't wanna be here. Don't wanna, don't wanna, don't wanna.

He didn't see shit now.

*sighs* That body kinda twitched and it was nasty how it did it.

Good job Bianca. Can't climb up a damn ramp.

Please stop yelling. Stop yelling.

Ew. Ew. I mean its a little cool, but ew.

I don't like not having shotgun shells. Shotgun shells are like my security blanket.

Sebastian, please, take the steps like. Two at a time.

Nothing is ever "just a light" kek.

"Another doll" how many dolls this fucking kid have?

Who died? Who you? Randall Figg.

WHOA. OKAY. That hallways gone.

ITS THE BAE.

That's a tentacle monster.

I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going. Well. I've heard of enough hentai to know.

I have actually seen enough hentai to know.

Sin city poppin up round here.

Are those human centipedes?

SHE FOUR LEGGING IT.

Oh my god there's more things here. O'Neal. Even though you're an ass, at least you gave me stuff.

I wanna lick every single window in this place. I'm not sure why, but I just want to.

[dreams-for-the-apoplectic]

something i will probably never finish but like enough that im posting it anyway

Bro leans in the doorway of your room, 

(and you see him from your periphery: boxers loose on bony hips and patterned with hearts, no shirt, can of orange soda in hand with shades neatly tucked on the bridge of a strikingly crooked nose) 

and tells you, 

(over the sound of the fans, three, overclocked on some jury-rigged upgrades he threw together last year when the air conditioner went schizo cherry apeshit, just like now, again, for the second time this week spewing out mad fumes all grey-black and choked from its old, dusty vents) 

that you and he should just ollie outie of this midsummer popsicle stand and move somewhere the sun don’t actively to attempt murder you in the crispiest degree, KFC style. 

And you jokingly tell him sure, fuck it, anything is better than clawing my way up Fire Death Concrete Mountain aka Texas Mordor, clutching this bitchin’ ring of power and muttering all manner of rapturous obscenities and salacious innuendos for my precious. Sign me up Major Douchenozzle, I’ll shimmy my fine ass up this fabled air-conditioned igloo any day. 

A week later and you've packed your shit, grabbed your ticket, and are hopping the next flight to Vermont.

--

(four hours, fifty-one minutes, seven seconds, and Bro practically jumps off the plane hyperventilating when you touch down. you didn’t know how much he hated flying. you’ve never been on a plane before; if you didn’t know better, you’d think he hasn’t either. and if you quirk an eyebrow just over the rim of your aviators, and the side of your mouth makes a confused downturn for a second or two at just how fucking strange that that is, well, that was just a trick of the light, and the light is a dirty liar.)

He and you stick out like sore thumbs here 

(with Bro in a crumpled white polo and asshole jeans and dumb fucking anime shades, one hand in his pockets with an impassive, calculating kind of expression that you’re more used to than the panic, checking through tabs on Complete Bullshit for god knows what reason; you in the same shirt you wore yesterday, hair a meticulously crafted unkempt, posture slouching something awful as you bop right the fuck along to some sicknasty new bassline Jade dropped on you the night before, thinking of ways to remix it into this new beat you’ve been working on) 

among a crowd of home-grown New England faces haughty white and upturned and staring down at you and Bro like some trash that just rolled in from Doesn't Fucking Belong Here, USA.

(the luggage belt is moving so slow, so, so slow, it’s like watching a retarded crippled snail attempt a marathon against the goddamn salt shaker, and you wish you could just shake off the lingering, disdainful stares these people give the two of you, and you can, and you do)

(except you don't.)

--

You’re rolling through Montpelier an hour later, crammed up in the shotgun seat of an old, dirty, piece of shit pickup Bro apparently had nesting in the airport storage unit,

(it’s a rust hulk straight out of the early eighties, all torn up vinyl and engine rattling, with tacky, outdated bumper stickers on the back and a pine air freshener that does nothing to mask the smell of two-decade old cigarettes, and somehow you aren’t surprised this is his car because it is exactly how you imagined it.)

(you want to ask why he had a car in bumfuck, vermont and not in houston. you want to ask him if he even knows how to drive, but you hold your tongue nice and pretty and settle into the split vinyl seat cover)

moving past the city limits and into the countryside, over the state border and into New York. You give Bro the ‘what the fuck are we doing out here, man, is this the setup for a horror movie or some shit, because I’m not down to being the unwilling accomplice to some new echelon of fucked up smuppet snuff’ look, your fingers tapping in 4-4 on the dash, not really nervous so much as habitual. 

(he ruffles your hair with a smirking, mean kind of half-smile, all teeth and teasing and unnatural. you swat at him uselessly.)

And then the road is quiet, and the sky is misting grey. It’s all evergreen and shrubbery and dark soil here, and small towns by clear water: fishing ponds, creeks and rivers, and more wildlife roaming these secondhand backroads than you’ve ever seen in Texas. It starts to rain a bit, ghosting against the glass, and over the soft creak of the windshield wipers Bro asks you if you wanna put on some music, little man, heard you were working on a new track and can I get a sneak peak at that delirious biznasty? And fuck yeah you have, even if it isn’t quite done yet, and you plop your phone on the dashboard, and the drive is comfortable, 

(and you cannot shake this feeling that something is wrong.)

---

It isn’t an apartment, it’s a house in the goddamn woods; no, a fucking mansion in the goddamn woods, the design of it ripped straight from the personal architectural smutjournel of Frank Lloyd Wright, complete with white-foam waterfall and neo-American art deco pretension. Your mouth hangs open, and you know, you just fucking know a fly is about to buzz in that shit and set up a cozy little cottage, but you don’t care. This is straight wack, man.

(it looks vaguely familiar too, like something nostalgic stuck in your mental gears, cracked and rusted from disuse; something you saw once, a long time ago, in a place you can’t quite remember.)

Bro gestures you along along the concrete path, and you tell him no, wait, put the fucking brakes on Anime Goldilocks, what the fuck are we doing here, because this sure as shit can’t be where we’re living now, and I don’t wanna piss off the three bears. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and tells you in that deep southern mumble of his that, shit, kid, did you expect we’d just take a plane and end up in the same shitty apartment? And of course you didn’t

(even though you kind of did)

because that would be ridiculous, but-- you don’t know, you’ve been sharing a seven-hundred square foot living space with him for the past fifteen years. How are you supposed to react to a fucking mansion that just suddenly up and settled before you on delicate foundational popliteals and a stark-white concrete strapless all alluring and sultry? Just stand there stone-faced morose and stoic and fuck, that is exactly what you should be doing, isn’t it, because that was what he taught you, to

(stitch up the cuts slowly, careful with the needle and don’t fucking rush it, lil’ bro, even if they’re shallow you can’t just take it and jab that shit in, and for the love of god you gotta work on your dodge game, how the fuck do you expect not to get your ass served up sunnyside in a real fight?)

(̶̥̘͗̉̾̊͝ ̷̦̙̦͌͊̒́̍͛̀̀̈́́̚͘̕̚n̷̨̜̲͓̹̪͎̒͋́̊̎̐̍͌̆͘͝ͅͅͅ ̸̤̥̏́̌̑͒̈́̿́̃

̶̧̝͎̝͔͔̣̬͈̗̥̠̔̀͌̈́͆̒̇̋̋́̈́͐̈̚͝ ̷̡̛͕͚̰͉̦̼̤͍̘̝̹̮̩̈́̑̇̃̔͝͠ơ̷̡̧͔̘͇̖̫͉̳̳͗͛̿̋̾̏͘͝��͇̰̻ ̸̨̧͈̱̫̩̲̦̭͖̿̃́̔͛̓̓͌̌͗̍̔̾͜ͅ

̷̢̮̮̠̠̬̖̙͈͋̍͛͆̔̈́̓̌̂̀͌̽͝͠ ̸̨̗̯̓͐̿̇͂͊̓́́̄̃̚͘͜͜.̷̲̙͓̮̮̬͓̈́̋͂͒̓̃͘͠͠)̸̧̖̪̦̥̪͙̫͍͙̩̻̺̩̒̌̈́͒͋͝ͅ

̵̬̯̪͛̓̈́̎̒́̂

It isn’t our house anyway, he says, 

(and your mind slams on the brakes so hard you think you might flip this shit frontways, slam the roof on that motherfucker into the burning asphalt and skid off the edge of this brutal synapse fuckup.)

(you can’t remember what you were thinking. it’s blurry, and forgotten, and everything is normal again)

moving forward in long, atypical strides that you scramble to follow. The rain is still coming down, you realize, in a softer drizzle that dampens your shirt. Friend of mine lives here.

Holy shit, he has friends?

Yes, I have friends, you little shit, and you flinch when you realize you must have said that out loud. His arms flex, shoulder blades audibly popping with the contraction of muscle, and you flinch, and nothing happens. Her name is Roxy.

And shit, you guess that’s all there really is to say on the matter, because he doesn’t provide any further explanation and you sure as hell don’t ask. You duck under the porch roof and he raps a fat bar of knuckles on the door.

---

Roxy isn’t anything like you expect. 

You don’t know what you were expecting, actually, considering you’ve only just heard about her, but she is perky and kind-eyed and so fucking sincere that the saccharine emotional font of exuberant delight that straight up sparkles from her is making you real uncomfortable.

She hugged you.

She hugged you and you liked it.  

(and she hugged Bro too, made his spine go all weird fucking c-shaped wrongness as she crushes him against her chest, calls him Dirk like she fucking owns him.)

You’re ushered in as she turns on heel and sways away with a tipsy strut, sauced and sauntering and high stilettos tapping on the dark hardwood. She tells you to drop your things by the door, she can set each of you up with a room in a bit, and Dirk, honey, we have got so much catching up to do, I haven’ seen you and the lil’ guy in ages, and god yer both so fuckin’ tall I forgot about that bit,

(christ on the cross, she can speak at a mile a minute, accent a thickly laced New York staccato that matches Texas about as close to the intersection of nil and fuckall as you can get without running head-on into traffic.)

and Dirky, Dirkle, Dirk-a-licious, oh my god come here right now, I gotta show you this badass shit I‘ve been working on, it’s fuckin’ lit as hell, it has got switches and gizmos and all of the cool techy shit I know you swoon over, and you need to check out this code I wrote because you know I’m not about to trust anyone else to parse my sick lines, so come ooooooooooooon and there they go, Bro dragged stiff as cardboard across the floor by the hem of his fucking shirt. He gives you a side-eye look that says crosses somewhere between  ‘don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back’ and ‘help me.’

You shrug and flip him off and leave him to his fate. His death glare could kill a lesser man.

(holy shit.)

And then, quite suddenly, you are alone.

It’s not quiet, you notice - just a more subtle murmur than the scream of a city, made emptier without Roxy to fill up the room. Slow, churning movement below signals the languid rush of water as it tumbles beneath the floorboards and off the cliffside. Some woodland creature skitters in wet dirt beyond the window pane, which filters in ghost-grey light and shakes a bit when a particularly heavy set of raindrops hit. 

You shuffle about awkwardly, and glance around for a second,

(the interior is lavishly decorated, you notice. posh white starkness for fineass digs. sir asshole the stone swamp wizard sits plainly in the foyer, nested in arcane robes of the dimwitted and tacky. a cat is nuzzled up at the foot of some kind of bronzed vacuum. the whole place smells like perfume and vodka. it’s kind of intoxicating.)

before deciding the panicked, lingering gaze is kind of stupid, and waiting for Bro to come back like a pining factory girl in the nineteen-forties writing sappy missives to the brave boys in Okinawa was lame as shit, so you flop down on the couch, all loose, gangly puberty limbs and feigned indifference and the muted light of your phone glaring back at you. You pull open a pesterchum window, shoot a few messages to Harley,

(some off-the-cuff rap cooked slow on these sick fires, like just put some whip cream and a goddamn cherry on that shit and call it a sunday. you also make sure to attach a file for the new sbahj comic you’ve been working on. you’ve lovingly dubbed the new arc ‘the spaztastic furry hatesex maelstrom,’ and you hope know she’ll love it.)

and Egbert,

(and you admit, muddled up in tangents and similes that take forever just to get to the goddamn point, that you actually took his recommendation and stuck through the bitterly tasteless cinema assassination of the week. you even wrote a shitty review for it on one of your ironically maintained critic blogs, and send him a link)

(you won’t admit you laughed at groundhog day. he will never let you live it down. never.)

and Lalonde,

(who is on, surprisingly, because you know she has school right now, and fuck if the flighty broad doesn’t take every swat of the educational ass whooping with a snide, condescending seriousness that has a way of getting just under your skin. she wants to go to Harvard, or Cornell, or Oxford, because she is smarter than you, and John, and maybe not Jade but damn is she close.)

(she doesn’t respond either, though, so you cast the thought away and send her some custom made memes deep fried in a hundred layers of crystalline  jpeg illegibility and wait, fuck, holy shit)

and then someone is standing over you, peering with an appraising interest, like they’re looking at a slab of beef splayed out dumb on the chopping block. And you don’t flinch, you really don’t, even though you’re about five seconds away from flipping this shit backwards and kicking dust up as you run for the hills. 

You can tell this girl is nasty. She is stygian lips and white-blonde hair and violet eyes that politely inform you that this is indeed the fucking slaughterhouse, that you guessed it right, and you’re about to get served up with a side of collard greens and barbecue sauce.

So of course the first words out of your mouth are 'sup, Rose.

Wait, wh

(you see her past the glow of a verdant sun, because even a double universe killing superbomb can't outshine her. cascading orange silk stitch wrapped in a star-shimmering supernova of violet eyes and pallid skin. it's like a goddamn angel come from the heaven; a smirk beneath the hood and fire in her belly. she is the fucking sun now, and nothing can even fucking compare.)

at.

(what the fuck.)

What the fuck.

(what the actual fuck dude.)

Do I know you? Her voice is just dripping contempt.

And you don't fucking know her. She isn't here. Rose is a billion lightyears off in the gay space commune, deep encoded digital vaporware that went out of style twelve fucking years ago. She is a string of chat logs and embarrassing Fruedian slips that didn't happen, no, Rose, you don't have undercover mother-lust. 

And she is here.

You've never even seen her picture, but you know. You know far beneath the skin, something deeper than blood or bone or anything else seething something above that spiritual core. You know on a fucked kind of metaphysical. It's self-evident. It cannot help but make itself true.

Uh.

Shit.

Shit dude fucking say something. She’s just standing there, and the downward curvature of those lips is about to break out of the spatial plane and into some hyper paranoid fourth dimension. You guess she has a right to be weary. Your gangly ass is seated firmly in her territory.

[vonseal]

what im weak for this week

SOOOOO i haven’t done one of these in almost a month! i think it’s high-time to get back on track again! hopefully i can come out with the next one on the 11th instead of a month later.

this is long. like srsly long. like wow. it took me an hour. i could’ve written a whole fic.

call me maybe by shinigamibutter

i’ve got this weird thing with library aus. i love them. maybe it's because libraries are elusive and mysterious to me now (i checked out a book back in middle school, i still have it on my bookshelf and im too scared to return it), but they’re something so nice about libraries. also there’s something so nice about SOCKY and MYUNGJIN and BINU all in one lil fic, holla for a dolla! this is really nice and cute and i loved reading it! <3

out of my league by koutarous

BINU!!! DRINKING TOO MUCH (bad bin)!!! i loved this prompt and @shouldveheldon did it so much justice, it’s unbelievable how good it is (but i’ve never been disappointed from her writing). the set-up is good and even if bin should lay off on the alcohol a bit, at least it got him a cute guy’s number, AMIRITE.

i’ll pick the white and fluffy clouds from the sky for you by spaceviolet (vividplum)

did you guys know im a fan of the cute fluff? did you guys know im a fan of the socky? did you guys know im a fan if you combine both those things? heck yes man, this combination was so amazing and perfect. ALSO, ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP??? im in, im so in.

Does Lonileness Ever Truly End? by MidnightsDeath

i should stop writing angsty stuff bc people take it as inspiration to make even angstier stuff and then im all sad and depressed lol. especially WHEN I STARTS HELLA CUTE WITH MYUNGJIN. thank you for writing this, and thank you for making me cry and ruin my makeup haha.

(my) hot antagonist by rubanrose

we’ve been getting this nice influx of moonrock here lately, and seal approves. i mean, tbc was basically moonrock (did you see the way bin smiled when he brought up rocky???). ALSO ANOTHER ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP, YES. and just moonbin and rocky being cute dorks together and making my heart die of fluff, wow <3

you captured my heart by binubin

some people say that the fake boyfriend au is overdone. i say it’s UNDERdone. like, seriously, i love the idea of people pretending to date and then legit falling in love (the proposal is one of my favorite movies if you guys wanted to know), and WOW IM SO HAPPY THIS ONE EXISTS! bin is a photographer and dongmin is a (un?)willing subject, and i just want you guys to read it. it’ll be six chapters of awesome sauce.

home is wherever the heart is by diametrical

NO GUYS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THAT DOMESTIC AUS ARE JUST THE GREATEST!!!! AND MYUNGJIN???? DOMESTIC???? wow, just shoot me now, @leedeermin, bc you stole my heart already. i thought nothing could top binu domestic au, BUT THIS DID (mostly bc myungjin > everything for me, im trash, send help). thank youuuu for this, it’s all i needed in life 

i get to love you by asteraa

aka, lanna still tryin to make up for making me sob over trains to busan au. well it worked. it worked so so so well. and the song choice for the end I HAVE IT ON MY PHONE BC OF THIS NOW WOW i get emo over it thank you so much. this is all around just funny and cute and heart-wrenching and fluffy and perfect.

moving on by slaymyseoul

your username conveys perfectly what you’ve done to me, @slaymyseoul: you slayed my soul. slayed it hard. slayed it nasty. and then you acted all happy in the end notes like you didn’t just slaughter a thousand hearts all at once. this binu just...all 700 words of it just ruined me for the rest of my life. you’re such a good author and it shows in my tears.

baby by beifomg

tbh now all i can think in my head is BABY whenever they call each other that, bless astro and their bitchin tunes. NAH BUT THIS FIC is so pure??? so so so pure and i just wanted to touch the screen and somehow lengthen the story with nothing but this pure moment between eunwoo and binnie. at least im so happy this was created, it’s perfection.

Let's go on an adventure! by Rach4040

BINU!!! CUTE BINUUUU!!! also rulebreaker binnie and SUDDEN RULEBREAKER EUNWOO??? i love the idea of cute, romantic teens going off in the middle of the night just to be cute and pure and getting back home in the morning and knowing they won’t get any sleep and will be utterly exhausted all day, but it’s worth it because they love each other AND THATS WHAT THIS IS!!! it’s so cute, gosh golly.

rock show by roobix

i know a few people wanted bartender jinwoo, which i might still write, but i think this one is even better than what i could ever do. it was so short and i longed for more BUT MAN what we did get was fantastic (and made me imagine bartender jinwoo, haha yessss)

oh, the stars shine by parkjinchu

the stars shine for @parkjinchu and HER BEAUTIFUL FICS!!! i missed her writing in the lull after the year we met (go check it out, go check it out on her page, wow i cry), but she’s back with DOMESTICCCCC (im so happy with all this domestic we’re getting) JINCHA!!! why is there not more jincha, they work so well together. (i’d write it but also im myungjin trash, i cant escape my hell). also cute new parents peeking over a bed at their fragile baby just warms my heart (also, relatable, how do you touch a baby without breaking him)

summer paradise by aseuteuro

nopenopenopenope. i shouldnt recommend this, so dont read it unless you want to cry at work like seal did (not safe for work, bc you CRY). it’s binu and i sorta expected it to be happy despite the angst warning in the tags (im not smart, i dont claim to be intelligent) but it WASNT, it just RIPPED MY HEART OUT, HOW DARE

colour me by heybinnie

i will be honest, i dont normally read reader-insert fics like this, but i thought, “it’s @heybinnie and she’s perfect so i bet it will be perfect.” guess what? it was. it was so dreamy and beautiful and breathtaking, and i seriously cannot wait to figure it all out! (JINWOO SELLS DRUGS, PASS IT ON)

flytrap by tinytaeil

MYUNGJIN, i thought. METAPHORS, i thought again. BEAUTIFUL WRITING WOW IM JEALOUS, i thought once more. and then it ends with my cries, why can’t jinwoo just LOVE and have HAPPINESS, why this, why the poor fly, why the amazing description and flowing narrative??? tbh, i think this fic was a flytrap.

forbidden love by jiminaddiction

MORE MOONROCK! look at us getting blessed with all this moonrock. i love this one a lot bc minhyuk is deaf and bin is colorblind, but WOW they’re so adorable and blushy around each other! each chapter that comes out makes me so happy and excited, and i can’t wait for more of it!

Loop by ContraryNonsense

WOW MAN THIS IS SO INTRIGUING!!! i dont read tags, tbh, i just click at this point when i see the description, so i didn’t expect the ending to the first chapter (then i read the tags and thought, “gotta trudge past the angst to get to the happy ending.”) and we’re ALMOST THERE!!! ONE MORE CHAPTER!!! definitely read this, pls do so, it deserve so much more hits than it’s got.

where soil lies, a new beginning blooms by @vocalpmh

THIS WAS INSPIRED BY WITCHCRAFT WHICH>????? how did i do anything to deserve this amazing piece of perfection??? i still read it a lot, it’s one of my go-tos when im feeling down, and im so blessed you gifted it to me, i just absolutely ADORE this fic. pls pls pls read, it’s pure and perfect myungjin (also butt groping, my legacy spreads)

breadtrayed by @glowingjinjin

that pun. get in my home, lanna, i need your puns. i think we had a discussion bc i actually dont like bread all that much but NO WHAT HAS BREAD EVER DONE TO ME??? or to eunwoo, who apparently can find time to bag up a bunch of bread, what a great boyfriend.

a love stronger than furniture by @glowingjinjin

stop writing funny fics to make up for train to busan, you can’t replace my broken heart. IDK THO THIS CAME CLOSE TO DOING SO!!! everything about it was perfect, and you’re so amazing with writing these cutsie fics??? (and then you’ll turn around and rip out my heart, i know you will)

witch coven au by @astrofireworks

i still havent read the newest addition, but i have it up right now to read after i post this. i love your imagination. i love your ideas, i just need to tap into your brain and steal some of this brilliance, thank you very much

UPDATED FICS FROM LAST WEEK MONTH??? -

because of hani by gachigallae - have i mentioned how much i love these kids and domestic stuff??? because i do, i truly seriously do, and i love this fic and bin’s affection for dongmin’s daughter is so cute

5+1 by heybinnie - this makes my heart wrench, but in a good way, and makes me realize how fantastic of a leader jinwoo is to these boys.

stray romance by alette - @alette-stars done did it again, stole my heart and made binnie and dongmin both all so jealous, wow this is cute

medley by sassysavagesanha (RedJusticeLibra) - QUEEN OF SOCKY!!! MORE SOCKY FOR ME!!! more socky for you if you click right now, guaranteed you’ll enjoy it

short moments by Mieun (snowsketch) - i love these cute little movements, and new chapters always make me so happy, especially the myungjin in the last chapter!

inked by jinwoosmile - i figured you out, @jinwoosmile. you tryin to get me to cry. and you succeeded, congrats, you can stop bashing my heart apart now.

leave me dreaming by desiderate - im hooked. im so so so so hooked and idk how it’ll end but im so anticipating whatever happens because it’s such good writing so i know it’ll be fantastic (even if i’ve been so sad with this lol)

the language of flowers by birdbrainberke - I LOVED THIS PROMPT so obvs i love this fic, especially bc it’s @payneinthearsenal, who really knows how to write amazing fics.!!!

and if you ever have anything you think i need to check out, hit me up with that fic, fams. i dont even care if it’s your own. i check a03 regularly, so if it’s something posted elsewhere, pls let me know!

[whatsthedealpinwheel]

shit my dad says. ooooh look at me I've got a freaking lighter said the toaster Yeah shut up I want food We'll have a complete Skank off. You know why mine look good?cause they're not fucking there (about randys tattoos) Its ric wih matt flair! Whats his brothers name? Letter opener? Sexual Almond Turner! I just want to return these tools into your head Edward thinks of nothing but murder all day Time to take a dirt nap! Dirt nap village I could think of better metaphors.... Fucking homocidal Angry squared Good morning percy Good morning ass hole Moo juice Did you know big show can fit miz's entire head in his mouth So bitchin' Im pretty and ill kill you. I ate your children alive; didn't you hear them screaming? Brian; If they mispell his name it'll say brain! Nothing says whorebag like holes in your pants (when you purchase them) Whats his new name blackasaurus Its hard to be a creepy attacker when all you see is pain. The wheels on the bus grind up little children on the pavement Thats what happens when you fold your child up in the changing table. I wanna go to a place were they have hail this big, will that give you a concussion? More like a conclusion. You know i have a knife in ny hand right? Cat full of tables Angria I drink to keep my homocidal urges in check, you asshole They dont wanna see you blathering in the ring, they wanna see you lathering so lets bring down the big tub and watch them really get gay. Now we have to live in a cardbord box in the parking lot of the liquor store The coat hanger is still stuck in his head from the failed abortion My murdered neighbors Do you know that creepy show my mom watches? You should cause your on it! I forgot the tp again! Here honey come have a kiss, blehhhhhhcufhfhsnnsj djcjcnd oh sorry did you drown) That goes to show you you can escape the nazis and still die, if your lucky the crows will pluck your eye from your skull Yes she has a sternum Samoan sickening machine Chris asshole mind fuck Good fuck you morning asshole Jamaican me crazy. Whats it smell like kofi kingstons ass? Mike yetter on the big fish(bass) Tansqeesha Fagin fag like to kiss other men in the locker room in front of men who dont kiss other men-briel Hi im paris who do you want dead I wonder how much he weights Step on the aquarium and see Just what i wanna do pay for clymidia Ow, my life Ive always wanted to be in a band called nun stabber Great your a maraca Big papa dump Surprise sleepover. What she means by that is hello im here to rape you Vintage sasquatch He looks like Alice coopers grandfather Swinging a flag is a lot like playing guitar probably shouldnt do it in the living room Dads sleeve it would say fuck you and your mom and anyone else that didn't think you were a piece of shit Pizza tracker let's you know what lesbian has been working on your pie. Have you ever heard the expression blood bath If I wanted you to shut up I'd stomp on your head till you did And crack! Which Is exactly what he's smoking. What? Crack. Who who what are your a fuckin owl? You look like drew Macintyre bro And her skank team partner If I was blind I'd still hate you. .fuckingcom World war .5 Did you say rammadan? Unfuckular It's like an apple pie accept its lubricated with your blood. Dismembered the corpse!!!! You fucking dinosaur Just imaging Michael cole ass raping himself with his slammy Daddy come in the water! Thunk! Daddy my skull is broken I see says the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw He didn't want syfilis on contact You know their biggest song is about statutory rape right? Yes we're arguing over cream cheese. It's still warm almost like you found a corpse Maybe it's the cat your strangling What's this beauty and the breast? I spy with my little eye something red headed and angry Fuckin fuck fuck fuckin fuck -love dad baby shredder hi hitler! mangled baby ducks dripping from my jaws oh Paris I love you now let me fuck with your shit you'll never see a bag from Claire's that says I just got a prince Albert see your a poet and I didn't even kill you time to play spaceman! I've had surgery. 5 times in my fucking contact lensed eyes I'm not even Mexican I'm just a midget those damn jews I wish someone would round them up and put them in camps so they can concentrate! your meat kind of dulls my blade stop fagstin suckbriel omg it's William regal and he's getting syphillis by contact! 7 tiny wookies named Michelle I wanna shirt that says John laurenituss swallows shoveling their bodies into the furnace you fuck with me and now I'm pissed off and wanna kick you in the dick you hide under the wheels of the train and I'll tell it to start moving Thomas chugged beer at the party? he was so happy he went into a closet and shot himself soon Thomas was assassinated by his friends what if you inhale liquid does it stay in your lungs? yes that's when you die if your gonna be dickadile I'll be tiny nigger why didn't you graduate? I was Rollin a joint. ok next be captain pike for Halloween oh what are you? beep. they need to bring out jr in a wheelchair beep an it'll be barbie cue sauce running out of his ears nostrils mouth Phil the fucker upper why don't you choose not to be bitch ww blur My job is to murder children. Shut up Remember in crash team racing when you would get. Most juiced up? That's what randy would get: Cm punk meet my cm junk Chincko you know the game on price is right There once was a woman from Venus Who's body was shaped like a ... I painted a big fuckig swastika cause I feel like hurding you all Ito an oven and melting down the gold that's in your teeth Does his head turn into a coach at midnight How can you stand being around yourself Is that when pooh bear raps and pops a couple of caps in someone's ass. It's right here right next to my tounge (Captain Kirk) Planet Sluturn There's always 1 girl not 0 not 2. That's so they don't think they're gay or taking turns on the unfortunate orphan Your synapses must be snappin' AARP American assoiciation of retarded people Cinderella 4 Las Vegas prostitute years Alls that's left is the choo choo train shit Bell. Shoe. Fuck you

[grubhivemind]

-- decastichAmazifier [DA] began pestering aurulentHuntsman [AH] -- 

DA: sup working man 

DA: there he is, standing post proudly with his boot on a stump, tiddies out, hair billowing 

DA: unless i caught you during the lunch break and you're slurpin noodles while reading this 

DA: no less attractive but entirely different situations though one is decidedly saucier... damn we just found the peak of potential sexiness 

DA: good work team

AH: KAVI! ~}==> 

AH: What a pleasant surprise! Indeed, you have caught me during a moment of respite, so your timing is QUITE fortuitous ~}==> 

AH: I could definitely eat though, now that you mention it... ~}==>

DA: the hunger is real and altogether mutual, but let's work on food first 

DA: guess which handsome guy is having his handsome boyfriend drop by lunch? 

DA: Avalon is a lot of ground to cover and while i'd hate to dump a tracking chip on you i can't help to realize how convenient it'd make dropping in

AH: How inventive! We could exchange tracking chips if you'd like! HAHA ~}==> 

AH: I'm sure that would be unnecessary, however... I am always at your beck and call, of course ~}==> 

AH: For now, you can find me at home ~}==>

DA: there he goes feeding into my bad habits with grace and flourish while also being a sweet fuckin dork, expertly disarmed.. damn 

DA: you can't tell but i'm clenching my fist like a prepubescent anteater... or aardvark ...... the fuck? 

DA: i'm gonna google it on my way over

DA: see you in 10 babe

-- decastichAmazifier [DA] ceased pestering aurulentHuntsman [AH] -- 

KAVI: =It's a home he's well familiar with so don't mind him swoocing on in there... unless it's into one of Auryhn's mechanical servants then really don't mind and please look away from that fumble. He's having a better hair day but with changing from the hot to the cold his curls are all tight and extra sproingy=

AURYHN: -please, he has security cameras everywhere... he sees all. but he will not crush kavi's pride by drawing attention to his blunders. instead he trots out into the hall to greet him with a swoosh of his coat.- There you are! ~}==>

KAVI: =HE WILL HACK YOU.... but not this time because all the toys are away. The coat and scarf are already coming off, Auryhn gets a big smile and a cold kiss on the cheek= it's me, your dream come reality 

KAVI: even more so since i got nibbles, hope you're in the mood for Earth-style Mediterranean 

KAVI: i'm expanding my menu.. trying anyway

AURYHN: It sounds DELECTABLE ~}==> 

AURYHN: You know I'm always willing to try something different ~}==> -winks and places a palm to kavi's back, leading him towards one of his many drawing rooms in the wing that's still private to him, as opposed to being repurposed for his CREW. it's much more casual here than eating in the dining area. he'd rather kavi feel cozy and at home.-

KAVI: =Here's the scoop though, he does feel at home here and most certainly with Auryhn in general. It's kinda scary, very exciting, and exceedingly frightening. Being in love is great but it doesn't really come hard for people like him which sprouds a wariness that he can't shake but, conflictingly, not give a shit to shake.= 

KAVI: nuts, and here i was plotting all kinds of ways to convince you there goes the pre-lunch seduction 

KAVI: which is probably in the best interest of all parties, hummus goes on pita, it's basically law and i'd hate the local authority to catch wind to my wrongdoings =he'd HATE it, it'd be so awful.... but once in the dining area he lays out the food fresh from his sylladex thus fresh from the kitchen= 

KAVI: =A hearty salad with things like chic peas and purple lettuce, falafels and thinly sliced meats and not to mention the hummus and some cucumber sauce he tried to make. Also because presentation is everything he has it looking fancy for his spoiled prince=

AURYHN: -yes, these are two men who truly value presentation. auryhn is eyeing the display with much interest, on the edge of his seat and gathering up his meal.- This is fantastic! And you prepared it all yourself? ~}==> 

AURYHN: -he's such a carnivore, despite half his family being vegetarian, and chomps right into the falafel without a moment's hesitation. it's only kavi around, there's no need to be COMPLETELY refined.-

KAVI: mmhmmmmm, right down to the pita =chinhands while Auryhn tears into his food. Kavi's always been more of a nibbler so that's what he's doing= 

KAVI: nothin but the best for you, sugarcube =and he intends to make it the best... having practiced these recipes for around a week Figaro's had more than his fair share of lettuce and other greens other turtles can only dream of= gotta make sure my man's well-fed

AURYHN: -looks up from his food with big smiles and shiny eyes. so much adoration. kavi spoils him... and he does like to be spoiled, even if he's sometimes a little too prideful to admit. after dabbing at his face with his napkin -- because he's no HEATHEN -- he leans in to give kavi a kiss on the side of his head.- 

AURYHN: It's delicious, Kavi. Thank you ~}==> 

AURYHN: I must return the favor next time... ~}==> -it's been a while since he's done any cooking. it's a shame.-

KAVI: =grins and never ceases the chinhand= anytime babe, i look forward to that 

KAVI: maybe sometime we can cook together, that'd be bitchin =He misses that cooking and also Auryhn in general. All this hero-ing makes him nervous but he doesn't mention it..... much=

AURYHN: -he seems EXTRA excited about that idea.- Egads, that's genius! Why haven't be thought of that before? ~}==> -he's so pleased, he smooches on kavi again... and nuzzles him... he might be a little starved for affection.-

KAVI: we were too busy one-upping each other into oblivion on the smooth factor =smiles at the nuzzles, good excellent. Crosses his legs and leans on Auryhn. Up on him actually for a kiss= 

KAVI: we can make time for it and other shit, multi-tasking if need be

AURYHN:  If anyone has the drive and the capability to achieve that kind of multitasking, it would be us! ~}==>

AURYHN: However, I'd rather not divide up any of my attention when I have time alone with you ~}==> -don't mind him as he abandons his food to touch at kavi's cheek, brush a thumb at his springy curls.-

KAVI: =Turns into that hand and lightly kisses Auryhn's palm, his hair is soft and if it's pulled it'll bounce right back up. Speaking of let's get up he settles in Auryhn's lap, scooting him out from the table a little= 

KAVI: oh you wouldn't be dividing any attention, not from me .... really 

KAVI: hypothetical question: could we or could we not squeeze in a quickie while making a robust stew?

AURYHN: -grinning at this kavi he has bundled up in his lap, resting his hands on his sides... only to short circuit a little at the question.- AH... ~}==> 

AURYHN: THAT SEEMS LIKE IT COULD GET....... Messy ~}==> -wheeze-

KAVI: =shrugs cooly and plays with Auryhn's ponytail, putting it over a strong shoulder then moves to play with his ear= maybe but that's always, if the mess in the kitchen is a big deal there's an easy fix 

KAVI: =Let's it hang in the air for a minute= i mean. i could just turn around

AURYHN: -oh deer, he's quite blue in the face now, his ear twitching under kavi's delicate touch.- That would be... much more convenient ~}==> AURYHN: -hands smooth down his thighs, palming at them with a sudden eagerness.-

Mishroom-04/20/2017

KAVI: =All according to keikaku= KAVI: see, that's what i'm sayin we can be mad efficient =Leans down to kiss Auryhn's collarbone then tips his head up, nosing under his jaw. He can't not grin at that cool blush= we could do a practice run just to be sure if you're still worried though... unless you gotta get back =Which yeah the way Kavi drags his fingers and speaks soft and low under Auryhn's ear that's basically a thing he's gunning to not happen. He will play dirty=

AURYHN: -honestly, he doesn't need much convincing when it comes to any form of attention -- but especially so in this case. he's already long gone and the sweet touches might as well be torture. he grips at kavi tighter.- Well... Haha... Surely if there was any immedi8 threat to 8e concerned with, I'd know... ~}==> 

AURYHN: But who's to stop me from neighing-- STAYING ~}==> -all the heat rushes to his face for his excited slip ups. how embarrassing.-

KAVI: =Neighing... Kavi grins and even though that tighter grip makes his insides roll in excitement he also just-- now directly in Auryhn's ear= (hey how you doin big man lemme knicker in ya ear, you can pun all night baby. wordplay is my second favorite) = snickers and nips at that lobe, dangerous flat teeth watch out.=

AURYHN: -flat as they are, the way they scrape is an entirely different kind of  deadly. between that and the whispers (FILLY as they are) he's shuddering all the way down to his toes, his blunders all but forgotten.- I wouldn't call it... especially clever wordplay... But a slip of the tongue ~}==>

AURYHN: You've got me rather twisted up... ~}==> -reciprocates with sweet kisses to kavi's neck, his hands grasping with more confidence, up under his shirt at the warm skin of his sides.-

KAVI: =A grin spreads over his face feeling Auryhn shudder, good. Excellent.= i'll give you a slip of the tongue, also it's cute 

KAVI: my only thing is be prepared for me to prod you the next century if you're about to bust a trollnut and a pun comes out, i'm just saying it's out of my hands and gives me life while also destroying me 

KAVI: =Mutters through the neck kisses and flexes for the wandering hands and undoes his ponytail gently. Combing fingers through Auryhn's hair to fan it out= before the mocking starts i can help you unwind though.... we.... do have a perfectly good table right here and technically i didn't put out dessert so that can be fixed =presses a kiss to Auryhn's cheek, it's him. He is the dessert. It's a careful, gentle set-up to being boned on furniture. Smooth=

AURYHN: -oh yes, VERY subtle... but auryhn didn't need much coaxing. after moving aside the food on the table, his hands secure under kavi's ass, lifting him with ease and a rumbly purr, silky smooth and contrasting his chastising words.- 

AURYHN: Must you be so crude? I've herdly been given the chance to romance you ~}==> -with that, he plops kavi onto the table, crushing him under more kisses.- 

AURYHN: Or would you prefer to skip that part? ~}==> 

AURYHN: Whatever you desire, your wish is my command...~}==>

KAVI: =The second this dumb chair is out of the way his legs secure themselves around Auryhn's waist. Then snickers against his lips, pausing from slipping up Auryhn's shirt= whoa time out, are you sure? you bathe in pure romance babe, Mr. Flowers-for-no-reason =Bye shirt, folds it and puts it under his head. His now= 

KAVI: oh, rare flowers from the top of mountains not one a wholeassed bouquet nbd KAVI: but i mean.... if it's player's choice then i'm ready for more unbridled spoilage from my super sweet boyfriend =cops cop tiddies=

AURYHN: -these unbridled stallion tiddies FLEX under kavi's hands.- In that case... ~}==> 

AURYHN: -kisses down his neck to his collar tenderly, shifting over him to start pulling his shirt up as well, exposing more skin to cover in more cool, gentle smooches.- Please allow me to worship every inch of you ~}==>

KAVI: =NICE. These are the goods and Kavi's cat is showing because he's kneading them, poses gently as his shirt is pulled up :sparkle: But also.... :eyes: hot diggity= 

KAVI: when you ask that nicely how could i say no?