#* lore ; i was such a particular disturbed child. often distant like a ghost.

[illhound]

WHAT IS YOUR TRUE ROLE IN THE STORY?

the fallen prodigy

hello old friend, it's been a while hasn't it? I remember when you were just a child, gape-smiled and beaming like the sun. where have you laid your youth to rest my love? is it buried beside your heart perhaps? I know how deeply life has wounded you, it took away everything, didn't it? oh poor soul, you held onto happiness with bloody, shaking hands but still fate ripped even that away from you. your past lovers are dead or did some betray you? turning away in fear of what they once admired. your comrades have been slain, or their priorities shifted. I've heard you too have changed your way of thought. the people fear you now, do they normally cower at the sound of your name? ah don't fret, that makes two of us. the masses tend to despise the things they do not have the will to comprehend. the villian finds sympathy for you don't they, well I could have seen that from a mile away. you two are the oldest friends, you made a deal with them correct? to save your late love, they tried to hold their end of the bargain, really, but I fear you are cursed to forever be despondent. oh what a sad and miserable life without love. is that why you chase loneliness? for is it truly a life of sorrow if you yourself has chosen it? but don't become bitter from the pain. trust when I say I have seen wounds unfold a man, turning the gentlest spirits into seething beasts. please, keep seeking love, even if it seems you are forbidden from it. you are the master of your own fate, I see how tired you are. the scars never healed, they twist and wrap around your entire person. your eyes are dark and lifeless, rest. but keep fighting, not with the sword you have forsaken so long ago, but with your heart. I'll be rooting for you my friend.

Tagged by: @palespawn

Tagging: @victo1re @bhaalbie @badwo1f @sqider @fellsilver

[illhound]

After killing isobel, eli is granted a boon from bhaal named after his bhaalist title, the hound of ill omen, and it's exactly what it says on the tin. a large dire wolf sized beast made of black mass with the structure and temperance of a doberman. eli does indeed name him, stygian, for the lack of light that seems to absorb within the beat's form and the darkness that seems to grow within the beast's presence.

game wise, stygian would function like a summon, with a dire wolf statblock, but he's always present with eli after last light falls/he kills isobel. stygian does not take up resources, more magical than physical, and would classify under the monstrosity category. he also provokes the frightened condition when within 5 feet of an enemy, and surrounding allies within 5 feet gain pact tactics. the drawback is that stygian only listens to eli and follows nobody else's commands unless approved by eli.

[illhound]

Eli in his companion verse honestly is not..... typical dark mysterious tragic backstory guy. He's fairly open about it, actually. Well, as open as you can be about wanting to murder someone without getting weird looks. He definitely puts it more of I have a job to finish in baldur's gate that is time sensitive so we need to go kind of vibes. He's cagey about why but not what he wants. He disapproves of helping anyone, really, and is really, really hard to gain approval of in act 1.

Act 2 is a little bit different. A bit more complicated because the absolute headquarters are right there and listen. He gives zero fucks about ketheric but also will not say no to fighting him, frankly speaking.

Act 3 if u don't go straight for gortash, u gotta convince him not to leave to go straight for gortash.

[illhound]

eli worships bhaal the same as any devoted follower would. he has been taught and guided by hand by victoria, become a member of her clergy and methods of worship. praying over dead bodies, artful sacrifices. he's a bard and his "music" is the artful dance of a blade. bladesinger-eqsue, almost. he's elven, i can definitely see his father humoring his storybook phase of knights and dragons in putting him in fencing type lessons, at a young age. it can't ever hurt, his mother had said, always eli's biggest supporter.

it's the way his magic is an inherent worship, a divine right, perhaps. it's not divination, but the act of swinging a sword is violence, and violence means death, which means a sacrifice to bhaal. there's a blurred line between how much exactly is his status of bhaal's chosen and how much is his natural talent. he was never praised for it, so to speak, his natural affinity for the weave.

but under bhaal, it's different. he's recognized for his art, his acts of sacrifice, and devotion. there's almost a comfort there, for him, falling into the religious nature of it all. his urges are very much an addictive thrill, a desire to be recognized by somebody.

outside of bhaal, however, growing up, eli was a close follower of corellon, his music became a way to worship him. his family followed him, he grew up learning those practices, and I definitely think eli studied at new olamn when his father realized his musical talents could go somewhere.

as such, turning to bhaal, eli definitely goes less music based in his worship, and more blade based, this desperation to keep the two seperate, to never fully blur those lines. unfortunately, this doesn't work his brain becomes full of holes, during canon, and truly deeply, i think he begins to develop a musical type of worship for bhaal, too. his ideas and ways of worship change until at least he gets his memories back.

[illhound]

I do wanna note: canonically, for eli, gale is dead. he dies pre canon as jadzia and I have plotted out. obviously, I'm very, very willing to plot out dynamics with any gales, but in terms of interactions for my main canon verse, gale is dead, and eli has probably never met him or has very briefly.

his companion verse where he retains his memories is a very different story. gale is alive in that verse.

[illhound]

also thinking about eli killing gortash and taking over baldur's gate as archduke. honestly just thinking about eli killing gortash in general. the one death he feels so fucking good about.

[illhound]

The idea that eli has always had the "urge", but in less violent ways. bhaal had his eyes set on eli for a long time before victoria came to him, before his pact was made, so the idea that there was very stuble influences over him from even as younger boy, making him hot headed, quick to react. prone to shutting down and looking pissed, not ever getting violent, but that quiet anger that consumed him so wholly he'd accidentally break something.

he's got callouses on his fingers, not just from playing, but from restringing his violin multiple times, too. he'd play it so roughly out of anger when his father got to him that the strings would snap, and he wouldn't know why. he'd feel guilty afterward and go to his mother with a timid, shaking voice asking for help, overwhelmed by the emotion.

[illhound]

Tag drop :)

[illhound]

Eli is mhmm... incapable of romantic love. It's not something he's interested in. He's never wanted romance, and has never had any interest in pursuing it. It definitely helped drive a rift between him and his father, as he refused to marry or even court anyone, downright refusing to agree to any sort of arrangement for marriage. He didn't want it, still doesn't. It's truly as simple as that. Bhaal plays a very little role in it, but his devotion to bhaal certainly helps solidify this fact.

Sexual intimacy, however, goes differently. He does absolutely desire that, to an almost hypersexual way of having many trysts with all genders in his younger years. He craves the physical intimacy of sex without the emotional attachments of it.

[illhound]

thinking about the tadpoles, thinking about eli's curiosity with them at rival with victoria telling him not to do it. astarion makes it all sound so tempting, and truly, if left to his own devices, with no memories, i think he would've taken some.

[illhound]

WHAT COLOR DOES YOUR LOVE FEEL LIKE?

deep staining red

Ripped out confessions, warm velvety whispers and a heart like an open wound. Your love flows out like dripping blood, beautiful, flawed and twisted. It's gut wrenching, the type of painfully dramatic feeling that makes you clutch your chest, picturing dramatic monologues about love and loving and big screen over the top scenes of sobbing into your pillow until you fall asleep. It rips out of you, clawing it's way up your throat more so than tumbling out. Sticky words that just need to be let out, feelings so big they don't fit inside you. Your love isn't easy, it's a true bloody mess, dripping and staining everything it touches in a desperate attempt to be seen, to be felt, to be loved back. And you, you love so hard, so deeply, so much for someone who carries all that pain. Atlas holding up the world, how are you? Is your love still flowing? Is your heart still open? Still pumping and bleeding and dripping with blood and tears? Still painting your beautiful pictures and writing your love letters in deeply personal red ink? Because I see them, I read them, I love them and you, you, you, you. Clench your chest, scream your love, cry it out. Spill your words of loving, keep your heart beating, keep your love coming and paint the entire world red with it. Make it in your image, keep going, it's okay. Maybe one day the whole world can be red and loved and beautiful just like you.

Tagged by: jadzia was talking to me about it

Tagging: anyone reading this

[illhound]

Elidyr "my friends call me eli" Duskmere, has never had a single, true friend. The closest he could consider to one (which is a huge fucking stretch) is victoria, who strictly calls him by his full name, as joey and i have discussed. He's very much pushing the personal relationship, the informality, because he wants them!!! He wants friends!!! All of his friends previously stabbed him in the back or used him!!!! Just, there are very few people eli will tolerate calling him elidyr.