#(your absence is felt)
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Cranky having a healing moment in the book 'Really useful stories for growing up.'
#ttte cranky#this felt relevant to everyones day#other ttte books#a cute illustration to cheer up your day#apologies for my absence i'm still alive I promise
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The thing about having read The Blue Angel by Paul Magrs and Jeremy Hoad is that nothing will ever again be The Blue Angel by Paul Magrs and Jeremy Hoad
#not necessarily a bad thing٫ mind#as much as I like it٫ it's good for your series to have things like 'comprehensible plot' sometimes#but its absence is keenly felt#doctor who#edas
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If google translate isn't completely off then touma claims to attend the servamp academy graduation ceremony for tsurugi, but since its also mahiru's graduation I guess we can also count it as the first important event of mahiru's life that his father was there for.
#servamp#mahiru shirota#taishi touma#this is from the end of volume 21#I'm really not sure if touma's absence from mahiru's life was bad or a blessing#On one hand mahiru felt lonely because after akira's death he only had his uncle who was often away for work#But touma is...touma#I really can't wait to see mahiru's reaction to learning that this guy is his father#In the manga and the gag world#Imagine finding out the teacher that annoys you is your long lost father
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.~
#not a vent just a journal entry (feel free to scroll past; there is no snz here and this is also not that interesting)#realizing now that i never thought of myself as#someone whose absence would register to others in any other way than just neutral/detached recognition?#phrasing this really badly and i am truly going to delete this later bc it is embarrassing LOL#i think when i was young and posting all this fic into questionable places (the f*rum) i was like#(@ an unfinished work of mine) no way anyone could be bothered by these cliffhangers 👍 they can just imagine the ending#even though i would frequently be bothered by other people's cliffhangers. that exact same principle just wouldn't apply to me in my head#and when i did not respond to people i was like.. i'm sure i wasn't really an important part of their lives so they won't mind it#if i stepped away?#i never really entertained the concept of people missing me or looking forward to my responses 😭 i never thought of myself as someone worth#missing... so when i disappeared it was always with little to no sense of guilt. i think even now i struggle with#seeing myself as someone that inhabits like a tangible enough space in other people's lives that my absence would be felt#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)#on the flipside of things i frequently miss people and look forward to their responses. and sometimes i wonder like#do they all know? do they all know that i miss them because they somehow understand this aspect of human nature better than i do?#or are they in the dark like i am? are these things assumed or are they only known when they are said... 😭#i am a little bit of a coward so i am not saying anything (also because can you even say this kind of thing to someone??#i would probably die of embarrassment) but#how strange it is to have someone suddenly inhabit a space in your life that is substantial enough that#when they're gone you feel that space open up and you miss them#the few times in my life people have conveyed that sentiment to me i remember feeling puzzled that my presence could have that kind of#weight to them. i think my problem is that i purposefully do not read between the lines if the conclusion is something favorable towards me#because i don't want to bank on something good that might or might not be true 😭 anyways this is way too long already. if you read this#then good morning or goodnight
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Does anybody else feel like the world has changed so much in the last 10 years that it is nigh incomprehensible, even though your status quo is locked in the past? And now you're scrambling to find familiarity in a world that is brand-new to you. Almost as if the past decade has passed in a flash, as if you had simply time-travelled to this point in time. Every-so-often, there is a little pocket that strikes as recognisable and comfortable, but it just seems to make the rest of the world seem that much different.
I feel like I'm stuck in the past, and everything around me is revolving at a lightspeed. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in six years, I did not realise that six years had passed. I think about you constantly. Do you feel the same, or does six years feel like six years to you..?
#Is this just what being 25 is like?#Now that '10 years ago' is a comprehensible thought - rather than fuzzy memories?#Let me know your thoughts. Yes - you - person reading this!#It was the day of the dead this weekend. I saw Marcus' portrait attended to and shared photos of it on my FaceBook timeline.#It's been about four years. I still have 'recent' pictures of our characters together - it felt recent. It's been four years.#Four years of his absence. It feels like it was yesterday.
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the way that if any bh member died now it wouldnt even be a "oh no im gonna miss them :(" feeling but more so a "man they didnt even really get a chance to finish anything" feeling is.
#bh didnt really get a chance to make enough 'good' memories to miss anything about the group dynamic if one dies#like look at fcg he died and the only reason it's like 'damn' is because he died Before aeor and speaking to gods#so i dont miss him so much as miss his missed opportunities lol#and then if orym had died to zathuda it wouldve been like 'damn he died protecting someone but what a dumb and sudden battle yknow? oh well#not even to begin talkin about how the plot makes bh a slightly 'unbiased' (HEAVY quotation marks) party#but it also makes it so they really dgaf what happens either way when it comes down to it and you can Feel that#DIDNT EVEN GET TO EXPLORE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS OUTSIDE OF EACH OTHER ENOUGH#TO FEEL ANY STAKES IN LOSING THE WORLD#like if everyone but bh died really who are we losing. why do i care.#like try answering that question without mentioning people who AREN'T from this campaign#we didnt spend enough time with npcs for their absence to be felt more than 'ohh noo :( anyway'#theyve got nothing to fight for and NO thats not deep or on purpose theyre barely even fighting for each other#'class of students who's plane crashed on an island and they just gotta work together now' ass party dynamic I HATE IT HERE#anyway ignore everything i do love cr3 im just unbelievably frustrated at [gestures wildly and indiscriminately]#'yeah cr3 sucks compared to--' shut up youre not affiliated with me
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Why did you do that? Because I love you.
#twedit#scallison#scallisonedit#teenwolfplus#teendramas#scott mccall#allison argent#making this made me so crazy i had to fight for my life to not make this a lyric edit#thats what happened with the cant help falling in love scydia set if anyone was wondering#it was supposed to be like this and then i felt crazy#literally this whole set my head was like#i see the look in your eye and im biting my tongue you'll be the love of my life when i was young#isnt it amazing despite all the space in the world im still close to you then you said to me are we enemies no baby we could never be#if i could be stronger and if you were just older we might last this out longer but the task just gets harder and my face turned to red#we huddled under covers we ddint say anything if you hadnt come ovre i would be so much colder i would be so much less confused#goodbye goodbye goodbye you were bigger than the whole sky you were more than just a short time ive got a lot to live without#ANYWAY.#these scenes are very Specific to me they are so specifically about hurt/comfort to me#both of them bloodied in such different ways; both with blood on their hands; scott's is his own. allison's is mostly her own. but not all#the gentleness that comes not because of the absence of violence but despite the abudance etc etc etc etc#i refrained from including stuff from the movie trailer but the movie has really made me a scallison endgamer its crazy i never was#but i feel fucking Insane#the question is always why and the answer is always because i love you
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i’m quite distant from Tumblr right now, but I'm glad you're doing well jojo!! 💖🫶🏻
I've been contemplating on whether to send you a tumblr ask or slitter into your DMs! ( but I was too late! you got to me first ) With that said, Take your time. May your days be kinder and gentler, that you breath easy. When you are ready, I'll be here waiting !
#melonchanverse#𝒊𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒙. ⸻ ◜ milko vs you ◞#* your absence if greatly felt but even so just take it easy#* also! thank you for taking the time to send this it :') you're soooo very sweet melon.
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#realistically I do not have to explain myself#but since that has been bothering me for a few days now#and because I slept like pure ass last night#maybe it’ll be nice to let some of it go#in short - no the absence has not brought peace here but it seems I can’t assume the same for you#what everyone fails to remember is you only see what I want you to see here on the internet#you don’t get to feel what I feel or felt for so long#I was in a bad space for a really long time after all that#and when I reconnected with an old friend - she helped me#in ways I could never tell her#because I can’t tell anyone about that#I clung onto her hard#I had to do everything with her and have her by me nearly all the time#she was a moment of silence for me she made me feel lighter again#and I won’t ever regret that#no she didn’t replace anyone#but I think she was sent back to me for many reasons and also a lesson in the end#and it sucks to not have her here again#even to this day - many years later now - it haunts me#but it’s something I’m better at pushing down#sure there’s days when I come here and post nonsense but better than keeping it inside#its never meant to be malicious#I’m sure you can understand that#I will always love you#and I will always want nothing but the best for you#jealous I can’t be apart of your life anymore and that’s my downfall#but I want you to be happy so be it and live your life as you need to#and I’ll do the same
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here we go again gut wrenching stomach aches galore
#was thinking it hadn’t appeared in a while#welcome back fucking stomachaches#felt amazing in your absence#cory's thoughts#cory's rants
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Reflecting on how our love of [insert fav piece of media source] is crafted— in every sense of the word—by the talented people we find in fandom.
Content creators (fic writers, gif makers, artists, meta writers, and so many others) are a fandom's heartbeat.
Thank you for all you do (or have done) to keep a fandom alive, even and especially when the source content has disappointed. Words cannot express how much you are valued and appreciated. 💕🙏🏽💐
#thinking about how much of my love of lone star was crafted by the talented people in the fandom#many of whom are no longer part of the fandom#(your absence is felt)#many of whom are disappointed and doing their best to create even in the midst of that disappointment#or still here but no longer creating#(i see you)#here are your 💐💐💐💐#there literally is no fandom without you#thank you so much for everything#fanfic writers#fan artists#gif makers#tumblr fandom#appreciation#content creators#911 ls fandom#sonia musings#went from saying nothing for weeks to saying too much in 4 hours#lots of thoughts over here but i did want to be sure i ended with gratitude#bc at its peak the talent in this fandom was overwhelming (affectionate) 🥹👏🏽#iykyk#okay i’m done#back to my queue ✌🏽
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everyone’s coming over? 🎤
yes, and where are you???????
#🌺 �� 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙮𝙨 ❞ ; inbox#felt a disturbance in the force n it’s your absence. rectify this IMMEDIATELY.
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you ever just go to bed feeling all clean and fresh ready to sleep then ur bed reminds u of those chips u ate a while ago while crying to poalof for the 60th time or is it just me
#in solitude i felt the liberty you spoke of but i also felt your absence 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#love this movie so much#poalof#portrait of a lady on fire
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Brain still soup but like. I think making one or both (or more!) characters involved in relationships with each other aromantic makes the dynamic soooooo much more compelling. Because if you remove romance as a motivator, you really get down to the nitty-gritty as to WHY that character is seeking out/involved in those relationships in the first place. Whether that relationship involves romantic factors or is more of a queer platonic thing. Much to think about....
#like i WANNA give examples but also it's always so difficult for me to parse it out too#but sharena being someone who longs for love but can never quite grasp it for herself is sooo real to me#while maintaining her harem like. how she still seeks out these relationships anyway. BECAUSE she wants it so bad#because she can't quite grasp it fully herself.#also veronica taking one look at sharena and not even fully able to grasp it herself. and going 'sharena clearly doesn't know what love is'#recognition of the self through the other (derogatory)#also this is something i'm exploring aaaall the fucking time w moe/alfonse.#juries still out on if i hc alfonse as any flavor of aro (i do think it'd be funny/if he was i think he'd be demi)#but like. w moe being 2 for 2 demiro/sexual. you might think that would make things easier?#but no. bc it's also extremely romance repulsed. as much as it wants to spread love and cheer. it is a hater. fervently.#and then there are cases like lif/thrasir that read as a qpr to me. only having each other in this deep intimate way#that's devoid of any romance/sexuality.#BUT IT'S ABOUT THE OBSESSION. going back to moe. IT'S ABOUT ACCIDENTALLY BECOMING THE SAME PERSON#which i think happens to a degree w moe and ABSOLUTELY happens/happened w sharena/peony#it's also about asking what does this character WANT. what is the core of their desire#is it to fill an aching absence? is it to feel safe? to feel understood? to feel loved?#when your entire life you've felt you've been loved wrong/were unable to love correctly?#is it friendship? is it sexuality? esppp in the case of aro/allos!!!! like!!!! that happens!!!!!#and ofc! you have your aros who just don't. and that's okay!#but i never want being aromantic to be like. an easy way to write off a character who 'gets in the way'#or rewrite something you didn't like in canon. like. there are ways to do that second part#without doing the same shit i see people do w autistic people. writing off a character#or a hc in the most abliest way fucking possible. it's egregious.
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the x-files — s3 e22 ‘quagmire’ | s4 e5 ‘the field where i died’
#is this anything#guys stop projecting your dead fathers onto the other. guyssss stoppppppp#the father as authority vs the father as lenience or levity; punisher or saviour?#i had to paraphrase a lot here when adding the text but also important is scully saying trying to capture his obsession#will only end in his death and the deaths of those around him#in this way scully is expressing her concern for him; to mulder she is instead a father who died trying to protect#one hubristic one martyred#how many times has scully's life been endangered as a result of her work in the x-files? hmmmmm#scully notoriously relentlessly seeking the love from her father; approval; connection - to be recognised; validated#(thinking of mulder & scully meeting because she was assigned to INvalidate his work; to question his belief)#scully in s1 e13 - she no longer needs to be told her father was proud of her; she knows because he was her father#vs scully saying the only person she trusts is mulder; her biggest fear him betraying her (s3 e23)#(the ultimate betrayal at that; that he was one of the men who violated her body)#also the concept of desire as a cage vs love as freedom#to want is to acknowledge there is something you do not have; something you feel you perhaps cannot have#such as the love of a father (figure)#we covet what we see everyday etc. and what is more mundane than family and what is more felt than the absence of their love#scully saw her father when dying and he told her to go back. but it was mulder she listened to#does any of this make sense. it is 3am. goodnight#mine#txf
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oh no I'm thinking again
#OH#NO#but I just am very interested in the neuroses of people who embed not becoming their parents into their worldview and how for Joel that's#showing up and being there#after Sarah's mom leaves this just gets more ingrained#Staying and being and doing everything you can for your kid because you've felt that absence and that makes#new failure feel worse#OH NO IM THINKING#leaving like a father#never leaving can't leave it got imprinted on his fucking skeleton#never making the same failures new again#IM HURTING MYSELF#fic talk#not becoming like your same sex parent is needlessly personal to me I'm making it everyone else's problem too#how much younger is tommy again is that canon or#had to be 18 during desert storm so that's#90-91#72 at earliest#i guess he's 51? tojoel's 56?
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