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aterimber · 4 years ago

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Living In The Shade

Request #23 (fic 1 of 2), from hallmarkdestiel (Tumblr): Will you do one with Destiel, Sabriel and Crobby? Please please please please please please? Please please please please please please? Please please please please please please? Please please please please please please?

I love protective!Crowley where he’s their friend and stuff. So maybe a case fic or something. Maybe they run into some hunters who aren’t so accepting.

Thanks so much for your request! This fic focuses more on the ‘non-accepting hunter’ part, but don’t worry! I’ll be writing another fic that focuses on the fluffy Destiel, Sabriel, Crobby aspect, so that I deliver on your entire request, instead of just one part of it.

That said, I hope you enjoy the fic!

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Started: 21.03.15

Finished: 21.03.23

Words: 2,808

Destiel, Sabriel, Crobby

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“Pfft, come on!” Dean waved a dismissive hand, nearly knocking the Monopoly board over as he stood from the couch, “There’s no way I can pay that!”

Gabriel shrugged, satisfied smile on his face as he leaned back in his chair, “If you don’t pay, I win the game.”

Dean rolled his eyes, before they landed on his brother sitting in the corner of the room, head buried in a book, “Sam, your boy-toy isn’t playing fair.”

He didn’t look up, “Gabe, play fair.”

The angel sputtered a moment before turning around to face his boyfriend, “Well maybe you should tell your brother that buying all the properties that ‘sound cool’ isn’t a good game strategy.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, eyes still not lifting from the page he was on, “I thought Cas was Game Moderator?”

“He is.”

“So you’re asking me because…?”

Dean sat back down with a huff, “Because Cas left around the time Gabriel stole my last hundred.”

“I didn’t steal anything, Winchester.” Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest, “You land on my property, you have to pay.”

“That’s a dumb rule.”

“That’s how you play the game!” Gabriel shook his head before getting up from his chair. He stretched his arms above his head, before making his way over to the giant in the corner, “So, what’s got you so preoccupied that you had to miss Game Night?”

“You mean other then not wanting to get in the middle of you and Dean duking it out over fake money?” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he finally lifted his eyes from the book and he shrugged, “Just thought I should brush up on some in-”

Cas burst in the room then, eyes frantic as he spotted the men, “Demons!”

Dean stood from the couch, posture immediately switching to Hunter Mode as he took a few steps toward his angel, “What do you mean ‘demons’? Demons are coming? Here?”

“Yes,” Cas took a few steps into the middle of the room, turning so he was facing the kitchen door, angel blade at the ready, “They followed me back.”

Dean rushed to his jacket, grabbing Ruby’s knife before tossing an angel blade at his brother, “I thought this place was warded?”

“It used to be, but after-” The sound of a door banging open cut off the end of the angel’s sentence.

Gabriel rolled his eyes before plopping himself down in Sam’s chair with a huff, “You’d think with Bobby shtupping their leader they’d leave you alone.”

“What?” Dean turned to the angel, incredulous look on his face, “You’re kidding, right? Where did you get that idea?”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him, “Uhm, because I have eyes. And ears. They’re not exactly quiet about it.”

A demon burst into the room then, evil smile splitting his face as he spotted the boys, “Excellent.” He leaned slightly back into the doorway, “They’re all here!”

Two more demons joined him then, all of them smiling widely. The first one took a step forward, “Where’s Crowley?”

Dean raised an eyebrow, “What makes you think we know?”

“Cut the crap, Winchester.” The first demon took a few more steps toward them, “Whenever the King goes missing, he’s always with you.”

Dean shrugged, holding his hands out to his sides, “Well, unless you think one of us is gonna poop him out…”

“Oh, good,” First Demon’s smile widened, “I was hoping we could do this the hard way.”

He flicked Dean back against a wall with a loud thud, before turning to Cas as he rushed forward. Cas tackled the demon to the ground, while the other two started toward Sam. The giant took a few steps toward them before being flung against the wall, angel blade falling from his grip. He let out a huff as he tried to pry himself off the wall, with no luck.

Dean stood up with a groan, just in time to see Cas plunge Ruby’s knife into the lead demon’s chest. He helped his angel up off the body, before he was flung back against the wall again. He struggled for a moment as he was pinned, sending daggers at the other demons, before noticing Gabriel was still sitting, examining his nails, “You planning on helping or…?”

“Oh, relax,” Gabriel waved a dismissive hand, “They’re not here to fight.”

Dean snorted, “Oh, great.” He raised an eyebrow at the closest demon, “So this is just how you guys get your rocks off?”

“Careful, Winchester.” The demon who had him pinned took a few steps back toward him, “Just because we didn’t come here to kill you doesn’t mean it can’t end like that.”

Cas scoffed and took a step between the demon and his boyfriend, twirling the angel blade in his hand, “I’d like to see you try.”

“What the hell’s going on here?” The voice from behind them made the demon’s jump, effectively dropping the Winchesters to the ground. Crowley took a step into the room, raising an eyebrow at the demons, “Well?”

“U-uh,” One of the demons took a small step toward the Scot, “There was a problem, a-and we needed-”

“A problem?” He shot a look over his shoulder to Bobby, who was leaning against the kitchen door frame, looking just as unimpressed, “And what problem is so terrible you had to violate my Do Not Disturb order?”

The demon swallowed thickly, “W-well, Simon, y’know, the crossroads demon? H-he’s been-”

Crowley held up his hand, “Save it.” He turned to Bobby, apologetic smile on his face, “Can I get a rain check on tonight, Darling?”

Bobby raised an eyebrow at him, purposefully ignoring the questioning look Dean shot his way as the blonde struggled to his feet, “I thought tonight was the rain check?”

Crowley let out an exasperated sigh and took a half-step closer to the eldest, “It’s not my fault they’re idiots.”

Bobby’s eyes flicked up to the two demons, “Yeah, fine. Go save the underworld.” He smirked as he brought his eyes back to their leader, “Not like I needed you for the whole night, anyway.”

The coy smile on the demon’s face made Dean shoot a half-confused, half-surprised look at his brother. Sam shrugged as Crowley turned back to his cronies, letting out a sigh, “Let’s get this over with.”

With a snap of his fingers, all three of the Hell spawn disappeared. Dean immediately took a step toward his father figure, “What the hell was that?”

Bobby finally looked at the boys, expression smooth, “What was what?”

Dean took a another step, gesturing vaguely to the space the demons had just occupied, “That! A-are you-”

“Dating Crowley?”

Dean held his hand up as his brother closed the distance, “God, don’t say that out loud!”

Bobby shrugged, “So what if I was?”

Dean sputtered a moment, “I-it…it’s,” he turned to the other men in the room, searching for confirmation, “it’s sick!”

Bobby raised an eyebrow, “Sick?”

“He’s a demon, Bobby! H-how would you even…?” The blonde let his voice trail off, nose crinkling as the mental picture hit him, “No, you know what? Don’t answer that.”

Bobby’s eyes moved off the blonde, “Sam?”

Sam half-shrugged, “I don’t want to think about you like… that, but if you’ve found someone who makes you happy-”

“What?” Dean turned to his brother, “Have you completely lost your mind?”

“No, but I just-” he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, eyes darting to the two uncharacteristically silent angels, “We have to be… fair.”

“‘Fair’?” Dean let out a humourless chuckle, “What are you talking about?”

“Well,” Sam shifted his weight again, “We’re both dating angels, so it’s not exactly like we’re in a position to judge.”

“Yeah, but it’s Crowley, Sam!”

“And you’re with Cas.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Cas was never a bad guy!”

“I did once eviscerate your brother’s mental health in a bid to distract you while I attempted to open a door to Purgatory.”

Dean huffed, turning to his angel, “Y-yeah, but that was different.”

“How?”

His brows pulled together as he thought, “T-that… that was a long time ago. And you didn’t do that because you wanted to.” He turned back to his father figure, “Crowley has screwed us every single chance he’s gotten just because he could. Me and Sam would never date someone who would purposefully-”

Gabriel cleared his throat from his seat, sly smile on his face as Dean shot daggers at him, “Wanna rephrase that?”

“You guys are killing me.” Dean ran a hand through his hair, “We’d never date someone who was actively trying to screw us over.” He turned expectant eyes to the others, “Can we all agree on that?”

Bobby raised an eyebrow at the blonde, “So… what? Are you forbidding me from seeing him?”

“What? No. Don’t turn this into some weird teeny-bopper drama. I just…” his eyes searched the floor as he tried to find the right words, “Are you sure there’s no one else you’d rather, y’know…” his faced scrunched again, “do?”

Bobby snorted as he pushed off the doorway, “That’s not all we do, Dean.”

“Not all you…?,” the blonde reached a hand out behind him as he took a stumbled step backward, “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Bobby rolled his eyes as he crossed the now angel-less room, “Quit being so melodramatic. It’s not that big a deal.”

“Not that big a deal?” Dean raised an eyebrow and followed him, stopping at the base of the stairs, “Ordering waffles and getting pancakes isn’t that big a deal. You dating the King of Hell? That’s a big deal!”

Bobby huffed, turning on the step he was on, “Well how ‘bout I make it real simple for you then, Dean?” He locked eyes with the blonde, face hard, “I never asked for your opinion, and I damn sure don’t need your permission. Got it?”

Dean swallowed thickly, but nodded, watching in silent surprise as the eldest disappeared up the stairs. He starred after him a minute – just long enough to hear a bedroom door close – before he ran a hand through his hair, making his way back to the couch, “Can you believe that?”

Sam approached cautiously, kneeling on the ground before picking up the empty game box, “That was a little rude, Dean.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“No,” Sam shook his head as he started packing up the board game, “I mean you were rude.”

“What?” The blonde looked up from the fake money he was stacking together, raising an eyebrow, “You’re kidding, right?”

Sam let out a sigh, keeping his eyes on the board he was packing, “I know you’re not that big a fan of demons, but…” he let his voice trail off, brows furrowing as he searched for the right words, “Where did all that intolerance come from?”

“Intolerance?” Dean scoffed, “I’m not intolerant. I just don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to like it to be respectful.” Sam flicked his eyes up to his brother, “You basically outlawed Crowley from his own house, after he saved our asses.”

“Sam-”

“No, Dean, look,” he closed the lid to the now-packed-away game box, and stood, “I don’t trust Crowley any more than you do, but don’t you think – that after everything – Bobby deserves to be happy?”

“’Course,” Dean ran a hand through his hair, before resting his arms on his knees, “But why can’t he be happy with someone else? Y’know, like a human. Any human?”

“Well we did kill Fate.” The corner of Sam’s mouth turned up into a smile, “Maybe he was destined to be with someone else.”

“Oh great,” Dean rolled his eyes as he stood, “Now you’re saying this is our fault?”

“No,” he clapped his brother on the shoulder, getting him to look him in the eye, “I’m saying don’t ask a person to choose between you and their significant other. You might not like who they choose.”

Dean opened his mouth to reply, before closing it silently, “Yeah, alright, fine.” He swatted his brother’s hand off his shoulder, making a break for the kitchen, “Can we get back to game night, now?”

Sam shrugged, “If you tell the angels it’s safe to come back.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Cowards.” He ran a hand through his hair again, “Fine. I’ll send out the Bat Signal while I start the popcorn. You pick the next game.”

“But, Dean, I was in the middle of-”

Dean turned, “Game Night was your angel’s stupid idea.” He shot his brother a cocky smile as he leaned against the door frame, “That means you have to suffer, just like the rest of us.”

Dean shot up in his bed, frantic eyes looking around the dark bedroom, what the…? He blinked his eyes rapidly, willing them to adjust to the darkness as he scanned the room, jumping out of bed as he saw a silhouette standing in the doorway.

“I wouldn’t bother with that, if I were you.”

Dean stopped, crouched beside the bed, arm halfway to the machete he kept under it. He raised an eyebrow as he placed the accent, “…Crowley?”

“The one and only.”

Dean rolled his eyes before straightening back up, “What the hell are you doing in here?”

“Ssshhh,” Crowley gestured for the hunter to meet him in the doorway, “Are you trying to wake him up?”

Dean turned to the bed, and was mildly surprised to see Cas sleeping, smushed against the wall, since when does he sleep? He made his way out into the hall, pulling the bedroom door closed behind him, keeping his voice low, “Well? What do you want?”

“I always thought angels would be too… hard to cuddle with,” Crowley sighed after a moment at the lack of answer, “Fine, straight to business, then.” He leaned himself against the banister, “It seems we have a problem.”

Dean snorted, crossing his arms over his chest, “We’ve got lots of problems, Crowley. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“You have a problem with me and Bobby?”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Not this again. Look, I don’t-”

“Normally, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what you think about me,” he flicked his eyes toward the bedroom at the end of the hall, sighing, “But apparently your opinion of me matters to Bobby. Which means we need to fix this. So,” he rubbed his hands together, giving the hunter an expectant look, “What exactly are you concerned about, hm?”

Dean scoffed, “You’re kidding, right?” At the lack of answer, he ran a hand through his hair, “Fine. You’re a demon, which means you feed on chaos, and love torturing those around you, just because you can. All you’ve done is lie, manipulate and try to kill both me and Sam,” he took a step forward, face growing serious as he felt the anger begin to bubble up in his chest, “And, perhaps most irritatingly, you’re juuust too useful for us to kill, no matter how much we’ve wanted to. So no, I don’t trust you. And I especially don’t condone your… whatever it is you’re doing with Bobby, because I know you’re incapable of having good intentions. But,” he took in a breath as he backed off a few steps, “for some reason, you seem to be making Bobby happy, so I’m not gonna stand in the way of that.”

Crowley nodded slowly, “Y’know you give pretty good threatening speeches when you’re half-asleep?” At the eye roll, Crowley took a few steps away from the banister, raising an eyebrow, “Are you sure you’ll be able to hide all of,” he gestured vaguely to the hunter, “whatever emotion that is?”

Dean gave him a tight smile, “I did it with Ruby, I can do it with you.”

Crowley snorted, “Yeah, because that ended so well.”

Dean rushed forward again, pinning the demon against the banister, “I got to stab that Hell bitch while Sam pinned her down after she royally fucked up, so yeah, I’d say it ended well. And, just so we’re clear,” he narrowed his eyes, nodding toward Bobby’s bedroom, “If you ever hurt him, I’ll be first in line to roast your bones over a bonfire. Got it?”

“Got it.” The blonde backed off again, and Crowley took a few steps away from the banister again, straightening his suit, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a tied up hunter to attend to.”

“Ugh,” Dean held up his hand, face twisting into disgust at the mental picture, “Just because I’m not gonna stab you in your sleep doesn’t mean I want to hear about your crazy demon sex. I’ve got more than enough life scars, thanks.”

A sly smile pulled at the corner of Crowley’s mouth as he started back down the hall, “Love you too, Darling.”

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orionsangel86 · 8 years ago

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12x19 - Episode Review - Intimacy, Love, Faith and mixtapes

What can I even say about this episode? Since my first watch I have been going around with a goofy grin on my face while thinking of nothing but mixtapes and intimate touches between two people who love each other so dearly that even the most stringent heteronormative people must be side eyeing the show thinking “that’s kinda gay”. When I try to think about the actual plot of the episode though and what will come of this in the finale? Well, I am a bit lost… though I do have some ideas. I can’t say I am entirely thrilled by the plot structure this season. Hence my long tumblr absences as well as limited thoughts and meta since 12x12. There is too much going on, too many stories which don’t seem to have any real connection. Also Lucifer really pisses me off as a character now and every time he is on screen I roll my eyes.

This episode wasn’t up there with the likes of 12x10 and 12x12 for quality. Then again as soon as the story turns back to Kelly and her unborn Satan spawn I do find it hard to stay switched on, but the destiel this episode was glorious and gave me a lot of hope for where Dabb intends to take this. Am I still annoyed that we are lacking Cas so much this half season? Yes. Very. The fact that he doesn’t return until the finale pisses me off to no end, I will most likely disappear again after writing this review and not comment on the episodes leading up to the finale unless Dean suddenly decides to jump out of the closet and hit on handsome bisexual Max next week as a rebound for all the rejection he suffered in 12x19. (honestly I am praying to the TV Gods that Max takes a liking to Dean and we get a good helping of Gay to get us through our Cas withdrawal symptoms).

Without any further rambling however here is my review of 12x19.

It gets long down there under the cut…

Take this mixtape for my heart… complete with kisses and songs about you

The best part about this episode? Destiel. Oh boy the destiel. It was so gloriously gay. I can’t even imagine how the antis and non-shippers are feeling about this! I am so very full of joy and glee about this!

We know from the opening sequence that Dean has been pining for Cas and worrying about Cas for a while now, but the glorious moment when Cas walks into the Bunker and Dean looks up at him is just…

Oh how very dramatic. The might as well have put him in soft focus and had a swell of romantic music as his lover returned home from war… seriously. But then all the DeanCas shots in this episode are framed so romantically/intimately. Kudos to Amanda Tapping for just getting it. (then again she was present during the most heartbreaking DeanCas scene of all time the crypt scene and therefore I have no doubt that she is very much aware of Destiel and its importance.

Once again this shot escalates into an argument between Dean and Cas that Sam is stuck in the middle of. I seriously love how this has continued throughout season 12. Sam is the poor third wheel stuck in the middle whilst his brother and brother in law have a lovers tiff.

We get another classic confused kinda bitch face from Sam when Dean snaps at him because he dares to be nice to Cas…

Seriously we have now built up a nice collection of Sam bitchfaces and knowing looks when he is stuck having to deal with these two once again. Poor Sam. Let him save the day and get a dog and marry Eileen so he can finally get some PEACE! :P

“Not only were you ditching us you were ignoring us”.

“What the hells wrong with you man?”

We have a LOT of call backs to previous seasons in this episode. I mean A LOT of call backs. This one particularly was quite interesting as it threw us right back into Purgatory:

“I prayed to you Cas, every night”

“I know.”

“You know and you didn’t… What the hell’s wrong with you?”

So what does this mean? Already we have a call back to the start of season 8, which then lead to a whole story arc where Cas was brainwashed by the angels and ended with Dean managed to break through that brainwashing with the power of… platonic friendship pfft.

Doesn’t bode well for the end of this episode though does it?

Now we need to talk about the mixtape. Yes I know this has probably already been meta’d to death on tumblr. Yes I am sure some of you are sick of it (though be honest.. you aren’t really sick of it now are you? I know how long the “I love you” conversations lasted for after 12x12 aired so shut it and enjoy my meta thoughts too. :P )

Cas follows Dean back to his room (for the privacy of course – also note that he doesn’t feel he needs to explain himself to SAM) under the pretense of returning a mixtape that Dean gave him. My first though before we even GET to the subject of Dean giving Cas a mixtape in the first place, is why Cas is using the return of this very romantic gesture at all. Even with his knowledge of pop culture, I don’t think Cas realises the importance of giving someone a mixtape, hence him thinking he needed to return it in the first place. It was in no way a rejection from Cas (like he could reject Dean pfft). But Dean clarified that it was a gift anyway. Oh but can we just pause again and store this to fandom memory forever and ever?

DEAN WINCHESTER GAVE CASTIEL A MIXTAPE

And isn’t that the most beautiful, innocent, loving gesture that for these two macho manly gruff heros its almost too much to bare! Dean Winchester is such a fucking teddybear deep down I can’t quite stand it. Argh I love him so much for this moment!

So lets talk about this mixtape some more because I can’t get enough:

“Dean’s top 13 Zepp Traxx”

Except that’s not exactly what it says. Why two Xs rather than the correct spelling? Why the slight spacing between the “TRA” and the “XX”? Why, if you are spelling “Tracks” the ‘cool’ way would you not shorten it to “Trax” why two Xs unless those Xs also had a separate meaning loosly hidden in the spelling?

Basically those Xs are also ‘kisses’ and no one can tell me otherwise.

Isn’t that just a perfect mini metaphor for destiel itself though? The main text reading is that Dean has spelt the word the slang way, using the Xs as a fun way to spell the word only. Nothing suspicious here, totally platonic.

And yet everyone knows that Xs also mean kisses. Everyone.

The romantic message is hidden in the label. It isn’t totally obvious at first, but it is once you put it together with the general meaning of a mixtape.

Speaking of, for all you kiddies out there who haven’t lived in the age before CDs, ipods and MP3s, giving someone a mixtape has a HUGE meaning to it. It is also, without a doubt, always romantic.

I am sure that by the time I post this, the mixtape will have been meta’d to death on tumblr and you will all be flailing about it anyway… I know I was as soon as I first watched the episode. This is a big moment. No. Seriously. Friends don’t give friends mixtapes. People who love people and people who have major crushes on people give people mixed tapes. It is always always romantic in its meaning.

If we try to look for a platonic reading to this, perhaps Dean didn’t make this tape for Cas, perhaps its one he had lying around already (though the Xs kinda throw that reading out). Even so, it is still a mixtape that Dean made at some point and then gave to Cas. This is the canon. I just wish we could have seen the moment Dean gave it to him (probably shoved it at him with a gruff “here, you need to listen to some real music” whilst desperately trying and failing to stop himself blushing. I LOVE this and I wanna read that fanfiction.

To make this whole thing even more romantic. Dean confirms it himself. There is no denying it. “It’s a gift. You keep those” this wasn’t just something that Dean had lying around that Cas picked up and asked to borrow, it wasn’t something Dean just shoved at him and said “You need to listen to some decent music, take this” and didn’t think about it any more. Dean put thought into it because it was a gift specifically for Cas.

If only Cas had actually realised that fact. Though I will talk more about Cas’s continued unknowing rejection of Dean this episode a bit later… first this shot:

Its beautiful, and you all know me and my hand obsession in SPN. Hands have meaning. They are important. They leave a print. There is always intimacy in moments like this. The way Dean and Cas exchange touches throughout this season always brings me joy. This moment is no different.

I have decided to make a separate post about hands in this episode because I am a nerd who got super excited about all these beautiful close up hand shots that have such a massive significance. Anyway, back to the mixtape…

Ultimately, there was no plot related reason for the mixtape scene. Other than to give Cas an excuse to come find Dean… which he had anyway? To apologise and try to clear the air (and also to find the Colt) so… why the mixtape? Why even bring it into the show if not to emphasise Dean and Cas’s relationship and the romantic nature of it that is now more than heavily implied. After a previous one sided love confession how is ANYONE supposed to read their relationship as anything other than inherintly romantic?

Cas’s quiet “Oh” just infuriates me because REALLY CAS? You didn’t KNOW what that meant? Urgh. I mean, yeah okay so he never has been very good with the whole social conventions and stuff like that but still. Then Dean just goes and does something which makes me love him even more. He starts a conversation. Oh boy how he has grown. Communication is key and Dean FINALLY seems to be understanding this.

“Cas, you can’t… with everything that’s going on you can’t just go dark like that”

Interesting. Dark like Superman going darkside yeah? We are back to 6x20. We are seriously getting flashbacks to Destiel’s greatest hits in the space of a few minutes here. Also, this whole conversation is just so freaking intimate in the way it is shot, the dark moody lighting, the way both actors are speaking relatively softly compared to their usual gruff tones and just the sheer weight of emotion in Dean’s face.

Its forcing the viewer to get up close and personal with Dean’s feelings here. Forcing them to really consider how much he is hurting and therefore forcing them to ask the question WHY. Why does this make me, as a viewer, feel like I am intruding? Is this a common shot composition for friendly conversations between platonic friends?!? Um. Nope. Hence this ENTIRE SCENE SCREAMS ROMANCE. And also, sadly, betrayal.

At least we get an explanation from Cas. The thing is, we see Dean’s POV most of the time, therefore we don’t really get to understand Cas’s reasons for doing things, but this episode he does get a chance to justify his actions, and as expected, it all comes back to Dean…

“I needed to come back here with a win for you… for myself”

Because Cas has failed so much, is still suffering from depression (though it hasn’t been brought back into maintext for a while now) and is so conflicted on where he is supposed to be going nowadays. He has lost his mission, he has no riteous path, and no faith… and this episode is all about faith when you get down to it… faith and fate, destiny and hope for the future… though not from the right place (and we are now back even further – in season 5.) and Dean is desperate to get him back on track but still doesn’t really say the right things.

“We will find a better way”

“You mean we?” *gestures to the both of them

“Yes, dumbass, we.”

Dean is still having to clarify for Cas that he is part of their family and that they want him around. Cas still doesn’t get it, because even if Dean thinks he is being clear, he really isn’t. Not to someone who has struggled with their self worth, struggled with depression and feelings of total worthlessness. It will take far more than some words about the three of them to get Cas to realise just how much Dean cares. Remember folks, from Cas’s perspective, he has confessed his love and hasn’t heard it back. He didn’t a get a “I love you too” or even a “we love you too”. Just a “we ain’t leaving you behind”. Which is easy to explain away as the Winchesters not wanting people to die on their watch. The Winchesters always try to save people, meaning Cas isn’t any more special than any other random civilian who the Winchesters wouldn’t leave to die… when you think about it from Cas’s perspective, its still a bit of a kick in the teeth.

“You, me… and Sam. We’re just better together” Again, Dean isn’t quite giving Cas what he needs? The pause, then the added “and Sam” just takes us right back to the beer run in 11x23 and Cas’s dissapointment, It becomes easy to understand Cas’s motivations when you look at it from a destiel perspective and consider that he has been rejected and continuously referred to as a third wheel to the brother dynamic. In Cas’s mind, Dean doesn’t return his feelings, and by not understanding the implications of a mixtape as a gift, nor the extent to which Dean would go to forgive him, Cas continues down his path of destruction and takes the Colt. They may be communication, but they aren’t really communicating. Its such a classic romance trope and I’m pulling my hair out STILL over these two.

“Lets go Team Free Will”. Could the callbacks to previous seasons be any more obvious? Now we really are in season 5 and in the past 5 minutes have travelled back through the greatest hits of destiel. From Purgatory guilt, Season 6 betrayal and now season 5 loss of faith. These are the major themes of 12x19. Cas is stuck in a cycle of self destruction. Where will this end for him?

The next scene with Dean and Sam discussing Sam’s theories and the grace extraction as a potential solution just proves how far they have come. Its no longer “how do we kill the thing” but “how do we stop the thing from being evil without resorting to violence?” I call this the “Amara Effect” and I am very happy about this. Anyway, what I really wanna talk about here is just how happy Dean was to finally have a solution and how his FIRST THOUGHT was “I’ll get Cas”. Like he just wanted Cas to be there to work with them on this together. He really did mean what he said to Cas in his room. My heart breaks for him when he realises Cas is gone.

However can we please just take a moment to be so fucking thankful that FINALLY IT IS CANON THAT CAS HAS A ROOM IN THE BUNKER!!

This is CAS’s ROOM! CASTIEL HAS A ROOM AT THE BUNKER. Number 15 to be exact. 3 doors down from Dean. (yes I know this was also the number of the room used by Mary apparantly earlier on in this season but clearly Cas stays there because why else would Dean have gone to this random room to look for him and not the kitchen or the archives hmm?)

LOOK AT THE HEARTBREAK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REALISES CAS IS GONE AGAIN

Oh Dean. It is such a common trope though. Just when he thinks he has the person he loves back by his side again, they are gone. We really are back to season 8 here with Cas being the one rejecting Dean. (please lets not forget that the extent of the rejection for the past three seasons has been on Dean with Cas holding the torch for destiel and it is only now that we are finally experiencing the brunt of the shift back to Dean.) This episode is by FAR the most romantic we have had so far in terms of destiel in the past FOUR seasons. The only episodes that really surpass it are 6x20 and 8x17 (though 12x10 is a close contender). This is being written, and shot as a romance and my gosh I love it. Poor Dean.

THEN we get further justification for Cas’s actions. I know that this episode hasn’t really done him any favours for painting him as a bit of a villain and I know that the Cas haters will have a field day with his treatment of the Winchesters, but we are getting solid explanations for his actions here, and they all point back to Cas’s love for the Winchesters, his love for Dean…

“I am doing this for the Winchesters. I stole the Colt to keep them out of this mission”

“I will kill this girl, so that Sam and Dean won’t have to.”

Because that really is love, Cas would do the dirty work to spare Sam and Dean the pain of having to do something that could traumatise them further. Cas is doing this so that they won’t have to suffer that. He is doing it to protect them, because he loves them. I swear to god if I see a single post from a cas hater trying to paint him as a villain who doesn’t care I will be all over it. They have NOTHING to back up their arguments.

It is of course, the same tune that Cas is singing again and again. This is the reason behind ALL of his motivations. Its always about the Winchesters. Its not about his reputation, glory, praise, its not even about saving the world. Its about sparing Sam and Dean from doing something horrible. He just wants them to have the peace and freedom they taught him was so important back in freaking season FOUR. I won’t be holding his decisions in this episode against him, because I think Dabb has a very clear idea of where Cas is going with his story arc, and its all about emphasising what is truly important to him, what Cas basically lives for now. Yeah, he needed the win. He needs to put a stop to something that could potentially destroy the world, but his true reasons for doing it are spelt out in this episode.

Coming back to Sam and Dean, the conversation about the Colt:

“How did Cas even get the Colt out of the safe in the first place?”

“…”

“Dean, you put the colt back in the safe right? Dean?”

“… it was under my pillow… I like to keep it close.”

“He came into my room and he played me.”

“He played us both.”

What I love about this exchange, is that until this moment we don’t know where Cas got the Colt from. He could have just broken into the safe, or he could have got it from where Dean previously kept it under the table in the library. But they chose to have him steal it from under Dean’s pillow. Once again there is added intimacy to a scene where really, the intimacy is unecessary for the plot. When you start to put together all the choices that the writer and director made for this episode, it becomes really difficult to see it from a persective that doesn’t involve Destiel.

Yes, we know in the previous scene that Dean left Cas alone in his room, but the way Dean acts when he owns up to Sam that it was stolen from under his pillow makes it sound like it WASN’T innocent. “Cas came into my room and distracted me and manipulated me enough to find and steal the colt from under my pillow.” It just stinks of sexual subtext and it makes the betrayal that much worse. As I said before, this is 6x20 all over again. But this time its even MORE personal BECAUSE of everything they have been through since then and just how much they have admitted to each other including a bloody love confession and a mixtape. The theft from under the pillow of all places only adds a sexual layer to that heap of intimate subtext. Am I saying they had sex? No. I am not saying this. What I am saying is that having Cas steal the Colt from under Dean’s pillow rather than from a safe or from another safe place adds a layer of intimacy that was not previously necessary. It makes the theft a bigger violation of Dean’s trust than stealing it from the safe, it makes the betrayal a lovers betrayal rather than the betrayal of a friend in the subtext. (I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well, but hopefully you all get the general idea).

Basically, it is another point to add to the list of things in this episode that show that Dean and Cas’s relationship is romantic rather than platonic at this stage (even if textually it isn’t… its how they both act and feel around each other and emphasises how their feelings for each other are NOT PLATONIC.)

As always, at this stage, if you are still struggling to see a destiel reading, consider the same scene but with Sam rather than Dean. Would it work the same way? Have the same impact? How about instead, just considering WHY this never happens to Sam? Why Dean gets the emotional close up with the sweeping string music whilst staring longlingly into Castiel’s empty bedroom and not Sam. Why its Dean that runs off to get Cas, why its Dean’s pillow that Cas stole the Colt from under, why its Dean that gave him the mixtape, and not Sam.

Then we get shots like THIS:

Which lets be honest, are oozing with sexual tension. I was discussing with @godshipsit about how when I first watched this scene, my heart kinda skipped a beat and I was stunned for a second into thinking “this is how they will go canon” (not in this exact scene in this episode of course, but it will be like this when it finally happens. Because I can picture this shot, I can picture the frustration between them and Dean just deciding enough is enough and taking that final step forward and just kissing his dumbass angel so that he finally gets it) The framing of the shot again is beautifully done, the circle around them, framing them and also making the viewer feel like once again they are spying on them. Yes Dean is angry, but Cas is letting him manhandle him up against a wall. Remember he is an angel, he could easily stand his ground, but he doesn’t. He lets Dean get out his frustration here. Lets Dean be threatening. Notice how Sam doesn’t ever react in such a way. Because its not really how friends react is it?

Okay so Dean and Cas have a volatile relationship, that sometimes leads to moments like this which could be viewed as violent or even dare I say ‘abusive’ and gosh wouldn’t the anti’s have a field day with that. But think about romantic tropes for a second, the old hollywood types. Its never friends that get angry and have moments like this that are shot in such a way, but lovers? Having lovers tiffs? Yeah, this is common. The fighting, the pinning against a wall, the staring into each others eyes trying to stand their ground? Its classic sexual tension. Dean doesn’t hurt Cas in this scene remember. Cas doesn’t hurt Dean either. Not physically. The only reason that Cas hurts Dean emotionally is because he doesn’t realise how much Dean cares about him. He knows he is betraying his friends, he knows he is doing wrong in terms of a friendship but views his actions as justified to keep them safe. From a romantic perspective Cas has not yet grasped just how much he is emotionally hurting Dean at this point – because Dean hasn’t yet given him reason to believe he is hurting him this much – though he makes it pretty obvious from the audiences perspective.

Then if we hadn’t already had it spelled out to us again Cas once again gives us his reasons:

“I wanted to keep you out of this, I was trying to keep you safe”

“this is my responsibility”

The writers are constantly trying to remind the audience that Cas’s reasons are always about the Winchesters. There isn’t a selfish bone in his body. He may be jepardising his relationship with them, but to him the end justifies the means. Cas wants the Winchesters kept safe, so his betrayal makes sense to him. Like I have said before. It is season 6 all over again. I just hope it ends differently.

I have to give Dean major kudos here though for being the most understanding boyfriend on the planet, because even after Kelly and Cas steal his beloved Impala he STILL is able to stick up for Cas

“He’s so desperate for a win now he can’t even see straight”

In case the viewers weren’t aware already that Cas is SO NOT THE BAD GUY HERE, Dean spells it out for us in his own words. Yeah, he’s pissed, but he is still able to see Cas’s POV, he gets it, he still cares, still wants to be there for him. I am sure there is some awesome symbolic meaning behind him fixing Cas’s truck up for him as well. If the way Dean fixing up the Impala is supposed to symbolise him healing his own soul, fixing up Cas’s truck has got to also symbolise him fixing Cas. Dean will be there for Cas when he comes back, like he always does.

Dean has come so far this season. His development, his ability to see other peoples POV, his distaste for lies and his slow deconstruction of his ‘performing Dean’ mask. I just adore how far Dean has come, and I can’t wait to see more of this. Dean is being forgiving, he is understanding, he is communicating and I think it is wonderful, really. Not just for destiel, but for his own health and state of mind, and for all the other characters he interacts with.

Moving past the epic finale with baby lucifer taking control of Cas to destroy Dagon, I need to talk about this scene:

Because yeah, something is wrong with Cas, but he was still himself enough to show this level of care and consideration to Dean. The gentle “you’re hurt” and this gorgeous and intimate (again the intimacy in the shots this episode has me majorly fangirling at Amanda Tappin’s excellent direction) caress as he heals him. Dean doesn’t get a standard tap on the forehead or glowy hand hovering a few inches above an injury. Nope. Dean gets gentle, intimate caresses as he is healed. Because Dean is and always will be special to Cas.

Dean won’t let Cas leave, even after everything Cas has done this episode, he still worries about him and argues to stay with him

“Whatever that thing did to you we’re not just gonna let you walk away” Dean knows that Cas isn’t right, he knows that he can’t leave him now. Dean has been down this road before, and that whole speech about faith and the baby well, it just brought back major 8x17 feels to be honest. It sounded like Cas talking about the angel tablet all over again. That was after the brainwashing was broken remember? More on that in a bit.

Basically, this episode was full of destiel moment and I am a big heap of emotional mess thanks to it. Nevertheless, there is more to talk about than just the glorious destieliciousness of this episode (yes that is totally a word).

Therefore, let’s consider what we learned about:

Lucifer’s Baby, Faith and the Future

The fact that this episode started out so darkly, immediately screamed to me that it was not going to end well either, or that any of this was going to end well. Kelly was so very lost to the point that she killed herself. A striking visual for the viewer, and one that is all too common in TV and film nowadays. Kelly couldn’t cope with what her baby would become, and so resorted to taking her own life and the life of the baby instead.

Honestly this is the first episode that I have actually liked Kelly’s character. It feels like the first time she has had any real depth and personality (which is fitting since its also the first time she has been written by a writer other than the terrible duo).

The baby saves her though of course, since it is half angel and therefore has the power of grace to heal her. This shouldn’t be surprising to anyone who understands angels but Kelly treats it as a miracle. She has a change of heart and suddenly we are on the “faith” path.

I think that Cas was probably always going to bond with Kelly after this scene. It may still only be buried in the subtext, but we have had enough call backs to season 8 this episode to make us remember that very heart breaking moment in 8x08 when Cas admitted to Dean that he might kill himself. Cas has been suicidal in the past. With everything he has been through, it’s no wonder he couldn’t go through with killing Kelly.

Whilst I don’t think that the baby will be quite the great evil that Dagon thinks it will be, I have no doubt in my mind that it has Lucifer-like tendencies to manipulate and that at this point its main concern is its own survival. I don’t think it is inherently evil, but still:

“Every sad weak human, every tight ass angel, every snivelling demon, they’ll all be consumed.”

Doesn’t this all seem very Amara-like to you? Because honestly the use of the word ‘consumed’ kinda throws big Amara signs my way. But surely not because we did this story last season. (see this is why the Lucifer baby story annoys me). Anyway, the stories are really similar. The Angels all want this baby dead, so they go to great lengths to kill it, only Cas can’t do it because hes’ Cas and he may talk a big game but killing innocents hasn’t been his thing since well… Jesse… and that is yet another time they basically did this freaking story.

As I mentioned though, Kelly gets through to Cas because of their similar experiences with desiring suicide and feeling hopeless. They are both mirrored this episode as feeling lost and hopeless and therefore vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Isn’t that always the way the devil gets to you? Isn’t that exactly what Lucifer did to Cas last year?

The whole conversation about faith and destiny is very season 5 and is very intentional in an episode that has already used the phrase “team free will” to refer to Sam, Dean and Cas. Other things in this episode that seem kinda pointless on the surface but must have some deeper meaning include the death of Joshua. Why bring him back for all of one episode only to kill him like that? Unless of course he was simply there to remind the viewer of something? Just like the mentioning of “team free will” even though honestly why Dean would say such a thing to Cas who was unconscious the first time he said it? This isn’t just fanservice. This is to take the viewer right back to season 5 and the BIG theme of that season. Free Will, Freedom and Choice are far more important than destiny and fate, and that faith can come from all kinds of different sources.

The last episode where we met Joshua was Dark Side of the Moon. The episode where Castiel lost his faith. Since then, Castiel has had only one real source of faith: the Winchesters. Yes he has been lost and low and broken over the years but he has always had one overall believe, and that is the Winchesters and what they do. In the same episode where we see a massive increase in Destiel subtext and Pining!Dean we also see the return of Joshua for all of two seconds and Dean trying so hard to get through to Cas, to convince him that the three of them work best together, but Cas still doesn’t get it, doesn’t see it, because Dean hasn’t given him the real reasons, hasn’t spelled it out for him the way Cas did to Dean in 12x12. There has been no obvious love confession from Dean. So Cas is still lost, still wondering, still without a guiding light to bring him home.

Hence he is an easy target for the creepy baby to come and take him as its personal protector. By the end of the episode, Castiel is not our Cas. Not the Cas that chooses the Winchesters anyway. Not the Cas that chooses love over all else. This is a Cas who is reminiscent of Cas when he held the angel tablet and it spoke to his angel coding and told him to keep it safe at all costs. This isn’t brainwashing as such, not the way Naomi brainwashed him, or Rowena cast a spell on him, or Lucifer possessed him. This is a Cas that is vulnerable and in desperate need of a mission to keep him preoccupied to stop him from feeling utterly worthless because he couldn’t bring Dean a “win”. That baby latched on to those feelings, and convinced Cas that he was the best chance of a better future.

The fact that both Kelly and Cas had these yellow eyes is clear proof that this is NOT GOOD. Okay so they still have their pupils in tact unlike the Princes of Hell, but it is still yellow and it still came with that unsettling sound effect that was always associated with Azazel (and then brought back for Ramiel). The baby may not be “evil” in the literal sense, but it is not a good thing. It will not be born and be the “savior”.

Castiel and faith do not go together. When you give Castiel faith in anything that isn’t a Winchester, well, its just not done. This won’t be good. Especially when the words “The Future” were heard over this shot:

Isn’t that ominous. Castiel may have come back to his senses enough to gently heal Dean’s injury (proving that our real Cas is still in there somewhere – always thinking of Dean when he is hurt) but real Cas would NOT just leave Dean and Sam lying on the ground vulnerable outside the ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN AND ALL THOSE ANGELS THAT HATE THEM. WHAT THE FUCK? Yeah so not good basically.

Whatever the future that the baby showed Cas was, it seemed to please him. Now, since it showed Kelly the real future that we saw in this episode then it must have been somewhat real, it also had to be something that was enough motivation to give Cas his faith back… but what could that possibly be? A world without SPN creatures? A world in which Sam and Dean have the peace they deserve? Safety? A life outside of hunting? What else could possibly motivate Cas to go along with this babies ‘plan’ if not something to help the Winchesters?

I’m still unconvinced that this will be anything but bad and that Castiel has been shown a lie. Either that, or this is how they tie the whole thing into the BMOL plot where they want to get rid of all spn creatures as well… even though Sam and Dean are also against them (or will be once they realise the extent of their crazy fascism).

All I can hope is that Dabb knows where he is going with this. The emotional plot seems to be far stronger than the actual story line this year. Which is great in one way, but I still feel we are lacking structure, and I cannot see how this is gonna end. I kinda want to believe that Dabb has decided to let Cas get sort of brainwashed again just so he can have another go at the Crypt Scene (and get it RIGHT this time) because really what else is gonna break Cas out of this weird kind of semi-controlled state? Other than Dean’s love? Why else would they ramp up the subtext to 11 in the same episode that Cas loses his own free will if not to prove to us that Dean will yet again be the key to his freedom?

Overall

The Destiel was great, the plot kinda meh, I have no idea where this baby plot is going and if we get a repeat of season 11s baby Amara plot I’ll be pissed. If Lucifer doesn’t die in the finale I’ll be pissed (I want Cas to hold him down whilst Sam kills him). Fingers crossed for a Crypt Scene but with a canon confession of love from Dean far greater than 8x17s “I need you”. After all, he has been shedding so much of his performance mask, trying so hard to be honest, to accept other people into his life… he is opening himself to vulnerability and accepting that it is okay to do – even when those people hurt him… Dean is learning to be emotionally healthy and really, this route can only end in him doing the one thing he has always struggled to do. The return of his mother this season has only emphasised this. Bearing in mind she is the only person he has ever said the words to before. Could we be on track to getting a confession of love from Dean to Cas? Isn’t it about time? After this episode, I actually think it’s a possibility.

I hate that Cas is not himself again. It breaks my heart. I imagine a lot of people see this as a regression, and I am trying not to. He needs to learn that there are other ways. The difference is that now Dean knows the reasons why Cas is like this. Cas did use his words to explain his reasons quite clearly, so Dean understood. Dean just needs to figure out the key to getting Cas to see things from his POV.

This episode had many great points in it. Obviously the destiel was glorious. The camera work and framing and composition and direction were also fantastic. I hope Amanda comes back and directs again. The one word I will use to describe this episode is “intimate”. Because half the time I felt like I was watching very private moments between characters and I don’t usually feel that way. It was really well put together. I do hope it all comes together by season end, though I am still not too sure. Either way, I liked this episode, even with the baby plot and Lucifer turning up in the middle there. It was satisfying. I’ll give it a 8/10 for how it made me feel after my first watch.

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